#and yes i'm working on a friday night and yes i know it's incredibly sad

[theflyingfeeling]

I should finish some work that I've been procrastinating the whole week (more like literally didn't have enough hours in a day for it), but here I am contemplating whether I should post all my work from the random tumblr ficlets by theflyingfeeling tag to AO3, just in case 💀

[willalove75]

Rebecca x Reader - jealous sex

Hehehe yesss! Thank you for the request!💕💕

Warnings: Smut babyyyyy, also a little angst, a dash of fluff, denial, a pinch of praise kink, dom!Rebecca, idk what else

18+ Only Minors DNI

Gif source

Rebecca had been working overtime for the last two weeks and has barely been home, no less had time for you. It's not that you were incredibly clingy, but every time she came home you got a quick kiss, the two of you would eat dinner in near silence since she was exhausted and after a shower, Rebecca went to bed.

In all fairness, you expected this season to be more chaotic than the last. With Ted back in the US, Roy took over managing the team, Keeley had an idea for a women's league and there were hundreds of other things going on all at once. Rebecca was exhausted, and you understood that and tried to give her as much grace as possible, but when the second week rolled around, so did her attitude. Yes, she was burnt out and exhausted, her patience at work has worn down to almost nothing, but when she got home, you got the brunt of her frustrations.

Rebecca was apologetic when she caught herself or when you brought it up to her, and maybe it would have sat with you a little better but you've barely spoken, she's been a bitch and the two of you haven't sad sex in over two weeks. You tried to initiate a few times but she was either too tired or gave you an attitude so you stopped trying all together.

Finally, it was Friday, and with no plans or matches on Saturday or Sunday, you were finally hoping to spend some time with your love. Hoping that she can relax enough so she wasn't so overwhelmed. As much as you hated how she acted towards you, you also hated that she was always putting so much pressure on herself.

"So babe, what did you want to do tomorrow since you finally have some free time?" You ask over dinner.

Rebecca gives you a look and your heart sinks.

"What are you talking about? We have the benefit tomorrow night." She says with a hint of frustration in her voice.

"What benefit?"

"West Ham is holding a benefit and all of the local clubs are invited to go. I told you about this last week."

"You definitely did not." There's an edge to your voice you weren't expecting but in all fairness, you're pretty annoyed.

"Yes, I did."

"Rebecca you didn't-"

"It's not my fault you don't pay attention." She snaps.

"Alright, I'm over this." You say as you get up from the table. "I know you're overwhelmed and stressed but it doesn't mean you get to talk to me like shit. You did not tell me about it, you've barely spoken to me in two weeks."

"So you're not coming?" She asks, visibly annoyed, as you put your plate in the dishwasher.

Rolling your eyes you look over at her. "As much as I don't want to go, yes, I will be there."

Neither you or Rebecca speak to each other for the rest of the night or the following day. The tension in the air is so thick you can cut through it with a knife. You're absolutely dreading this event but it'll look bad if you're not there and you'd rather not get bombarded with questions about your absence.

Silently, the two of you get ready for the evening and head out. Rebecca looks stunning, as always. You'd be drooling over her if you weren't so annoyed with her, truthfully. And because you're spiteful, you make sure you look as hot as possible. Wearing the dress that Rebecca has told you more than once she loves on you. That she usually has a hard time keeping her hands off of you when you wear it. You picked out a pair of tall stilettos that perfectly accentuate your legs, your makeup is flawless, making your eyes pop, and your hair is styled in a way that shows off your collarbones.

As soon as the two of you reach the benefit you beeline it to the bar and Rebecca stops to talk to some people. Right off of the bat you take a shot to curb your frustrations from the last two weeks and order your favorite drink. The bartender makes your drink and passes it to you and you tip him a £20.

Spotting Rebecca, she makes eye contact with you and notices the drink in your hand, she scowls for a moment before turning back towards her conversation. If you were any closer, you probably would have exploded on her.

Normally, you wouldn't go out of your way to piss Rebecca off, especially not at an event like this. But right now, you don't care. You're mad and hurt and with the small amount of liquid courage running through your veins, you're feeling daring and decide "fuck it." You want to make her feel the same way she's made you feel for the last two weeks, regardless of how immature that may be.

As you walk around the benefit you talk and mingle with a few people and you make sure you're in Rebecca's eyeline. After talking to a few players you finish your first drink and move on to your second one.

The night goes on, you and Rebecca barely speak to each other and before you know it, the benefit is almost halfway over. You were hoping deep down that being out would have relaxed Rebecca, but it hasn't and you're over it. Deciding to grab another drink, Rebecca watches you as you get up from the table and walk away.

While you're at the bar, a gorgeous woman walks up next to you and orders. The two of you greet each other and you can feel Rebecca's eyes boring into you from afar. Catching a glimpse of her out of the corner of your eye, she's staring directly at you and this woman. Bingo.

"I'm y/n, what's your name?" You ask the woman.

"I'm Samantha, but most people call me Sammy."

"It's wonderful to meet you Sammy. So what brings you here tonight?"

"I'm actually new to the West Ham women's team, this is my first season with them."

"Oh! That's exciting, how are you liking it?"

"It's amazing, I was nervous at first when I heard about the owner but luckily he's no longer in the picture anymore so I'm enjoying it more than I expected to."

You know she's talking about Rupert. After assaulting the coach and being booed off the pitch last season he sold the club. A new, much nicer, owner took over.

"Oh yeah, you definitely dodged a hand grenade there." You say with a laugh.

"What brings you here?"

"Oh, I work for AFC Richmond."

"Ah, so you know Rupert?"

"Luckily I joined after his reign ended, but I have had the displeasure of meeting him on a few occasions."

"I haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet."

"Consider yourself lucky."

Glancing over, Rebecca is still staring at you. The scowl on her face would be terrifying if you weren't so annoyed at her. Because you're a little shit, you decide to take it up a notch.

"Was he that bad?" She asks.

"Oh he was the worst, I only met him a few times and each time he hit on me and tried to make a move, it was gross."

"Ew!"

"Yeah! He's such a creepy old man! It's amazing he can still get it up honestly."

The two of you burst into laughter and your hand grazes her arm for a moment. In less than thirty seconds you hear heels aggressively clacking on the floor, you see Rebecca out of the corner of your eye and she's pissed.

"I'm so sorry, can you excuse us for a moment?" She politely says to Sammy, who is confused but nods and walks away. Rebecca grabs your arm and drags you to a secluded spot. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh, hello, it's nice for you to finally acknowledge my existence."

"Y/n I am not in the mood."

"Neither am I." You say and you begin to walk away. Rebecca grabs your arm again and spins you towards her.

"Really? Of all nights, this is the night you decide to test my patience?"

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"Do not play dumb with me. I saw you with that woman, flirting with her. Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" She says, her bright green eyes burning with anger.

"Who said I didn't want you to notice?" You deadpan.

Rebecca grabs your drink out of your hand and puts both yours and hers down on a nearby table and grabs your wrist.

"That's it, we're leaving."

Before you can respond she pulls you out of the reception and through the doors to the entrance of the building. Her car pulls around a minute later and the two of you get in. The anger is radiating off of her, you don't think you've ever seen her so mad before, honestly. It would worry you if you weren't so mad yourself.

When the two of you finally make it home, Rebecca slams the front door shut and crosses her arms, her eyes narrowing at you.

Neither of you say a word since neither of you want to be the one who breaks the tense silence. Rolling your eyes, you turn around and walk into the kitchen.

"Don't you dare walk away from me." She says as she follows you.

"Or what? You'll pretend I don't exist for another two weeks?"

"How dare you, how dare you flirt with that woman, right in front of everyone. Do you know how badly that can reflect on me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," You say, your voice dripping in sarcasm. "how silly of me to forget that absolutely everything revolves around your image."

"What is the matter with you?!"

"Me?! You're the one who's barely spoken to me in two weeks, you're the one who hasn't touched me, the one who's been snapping at me for no reason when I try to talk to you. I should be the one asking what's the matter with you?!"

"And you think that makes what you did tonight okay?"

"How the fuck else was I supposed to get your attention Rebecca?! I've been trying for two fucking weeks! All you've been doing was snapping at me and ignoring me. So yes, I flirted with another woman, does that make me an asshole? Yeah, probably, but I've tried literally everything else besides screaming at you, because you and I both know nothing was going to come from that." Rebecca stands there for a minute almost shaking with anger.

"So what? You wanted to make me jealous?"

"Yup, and obviously, it worked pretty damn well."

"What? I'm not- no-"

"Rebecca Welton, you are many things and being jealous is certainly one of them. Who knows how far I would have taken it." You push. "I could have complimented her beautiful eyes, or brushed a strand of her hair away from her face. I was thinking of whispering something in her ear, something that would make her laugh. Resting my hand on her back-"

"ENOUGH." Rebecca yells. She storms up to you and grabs the back of your head, hard. Pulling your face just inches away from hers. "You've made your point. Now it's my turn to make mine."

Before you're able to do anything else Rebecca spins you around and bends you over the countertop. A hand comes down hard across your clothed ass and a small yelp emerges from you.

"You want to tease me?" Rebecca says through gritted teeth as she brings her hand down again onto your ass. "You want to make me jealous?" Another smack. "You want to flirt with other women?" This time Rebecca pulls up your dress, revealing your soft skin that's starting to turn red from the smacks. "Just to get my attention?" She smacks your bare ass and you yelp again. "Well my darling, you have it. You have all of my attention now." She smacks your ass once more before palming it and squeezing it, massaging the reddened area.

A low moan escapes from your lips. The cool granite countertop feels soothing against your heated skin as Rebecca continues to hold you against it.

Her fingers dip between your legs and she runs them over your underwear. It's almost embarrassing how wet you are already, you can hear Rebecca smirk when she feels the wetness through your thong.

She drags her fingers languidly up and down, just applying enough pressure to certain spots to make you twitch. It takes everything in you to hold back your moans when she circles your clit, you don't want to give her the satisfaction, at least not this quickly. But she knows that she can turn you into putty in her hands in just a few stokes of her fingers and tonight she's testing your strength.

After a few more firm circles she pulls her hand away and you have to muffle a whine of disappointment. Her hand comes down hard on your ass again and you let out another yelp.

Rebecca grabs the fabric of your thong on each side of your hips and slowly pulls it down. When they reach your ankles she smacks your ass again and uses her foot to kick your legs open wider.

"This was not was I was expecting." You think to yourself. Although you're not upset about it, it's actually really fucking hot seeing Rebecca in this state.

"You want to make me jealous?" She asks, grabbing the hair on the back of your head. "Answer. Me." She growls.

"Yes."

"All because I didn't give you enough attention?"

She tugs at your hair when you take too long to answer.

"Yes."

Rebecca's fingers find your dripping slit and she rubs you up and down, stopping every so often to circle your hardened clit. A moan threatens to escape and you swallow it.

"Let me hear you." She demands.

She circles your clit faster and a moan slips past your lips.

"Good girl." She says, picking up the pace, drawing more moans out of you. "I know you wanted to make me jealous, but for a second did you ever think that little girl could pleasure you the way I do?" Her middle finger prods at your entrance before sliding into you.

"Oh fuck." You moan as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

"That she knows your body as well as I do?" She curls her finger just right and your knees almost give out. "That she could make you cum the way I can?" Her finger curls more while she slides it in and out of you. "Hmm? Is that what you thought?"

"No!" You cry out.

Rebecca slides a second finger into you and the moan that leaves your lips is just sinful.

"No one can make you feel as good as I do baby, isn't that right?"

"Yes-" The word blends into another filthy moan as she curls her fingers in a "come hither" motion inside of you.

With her grip still tightly grasping the back of your hair, Rebecca pulls on it as she fucks you faster. She pushes and pulls her fingers in and out, fast and hard, curling them when she's deep inside of you. Moans spill from your lips like a prayer and your legs begin to shake. She's building your climax fast and hard and if she keeps it up, you won't last much longer.

Your walls start fluttering around her fingers and she knows your close.

"Please!" You beg.

Rebecca brings you closer and closer to the release you've been craving for two weeks. Just as she's about to send you over she pulls her fingers out and you cry out from the loss. She smacks your ass hard again as you feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Grabbing your hands, Rebecca folds them behind your back, your face now flush with the cool granite countertop.

"Do not move." She commands.

All you can do is nod your head and you hear the sound of her heels retreating out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Your legs quiver and you clench around nothing, your body still reeling from the denial.

After a few minutes you hear Rebecca walk back into the kitchen, sans heels. She walks up behind you and you can hear her shuffle around and a low moan escapes from her. The sound of a cap opening and closing clicks and Rebecca places a bottle of lube on the countertop in front of you.

Your body shivers with excitement when you feel something cold and hard slide against you. After a few strokes, Rebecca slides the strap on deep inside of you and a guttural moan passes through your lips.

Slowly, Rebecca slides it in and out of you. Both of your moans melt together in harmony as she keeps a steady pace.

Rebecca starts quicken her thrusts and she grabs your hip with one hand, her nails digging into your skin, and grabs your arms still folded behind your back with the other. With each practiced thrust, she pulls you back into her, sending the strap deeper and harder into both of you.

"Oh fuck Rebecca!" You cry out.

"Good girl, I know how much you love it when I fuck you. Better than anyone else, right?"

"Yes, fuck! Yes!"

The dildo is hitting all of the right spots deep inside of you, once again you can feel your orgasm building. With the other end of the strap on nestled deep inside of her, both you and Rebecca moan with each of her thrusts. She picks up her pace and releases your arms, you immediately grab onto the edge of the countertop, her hand grabbing your other hip.

Rebecca pulls you into her harder and harder with every thrust and you can feel your walls clenching down around the toy. Cries ring throughout the house, neither of you can decipher whose cries are whose as you both rush to the edge.

You can feel Rebecca getting closer when her thrusts become less calculated and more desperate. She drives you closer and closer to your release and you cry out her name like a prayer.

"Fuck Rebecca you're gonna make me cum!"

"Yeah?"

"Yes!"

Rebecca's cries get louder and you know she's close too. You push back into each thrust and you feel yourself tipping over the edge.

"Fuck baby I'm gonna cum, fuck me please make me cum!"

"Good girl baby, fuck I'm so close." She pants.

"Cum with me baby, please, oh fuck please!"

Rebecca's thrusts become erratic, hurling the both of you over the edge into a canyon of pleasure and ecstasy. She keeps her pace, fucking you hard, dragging out both of your orgasms for as long as possible before slowly bringing the both of you down.

With one final thrust, Rebecca practically collapses on top of you, both ends of the toy still buried deep inside the both of you. You can feel your dress sticking to your back as you lay across the countertop trying to catch your breath.

After a moment of silence you feel warm kisses across your shoulders, languid hands slide up your waist and grab hold of the zipper on your dress. Every inch of skin revealed as she pulls the zipper down is met with soft, loving kisses. When the back of your dress is completely open, Rebecca slowly slides the strap on out of you and then slowly takes it out of her. Her fingers slide under the straps of your dress and she slowly pulls them down. Pushing yourself up off of the counter, Rebecca pulls your dress all the way down until it pools at your feet.

Her hands find your hips once more and her lips lock onto your neck. She gently nips and sucks on your pulse point before her hands slide up and gently cup your breasts. While Rebecca massages your breasts and riddles your neck with love bites, you lean your head back onto her shoulder and take a deep breath, relaxing into her as you exhale. Rebecca's hands slide down to your hips once more and she turns you to face her.

Looking deeply into her green eyes you see love. You also see something else, guilt? Her eyes become glassy and you gently cup her face.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry." She says softly.

You wipe away a tear that escaped with your thumb and you caress her cheek.

"I'm so sorry for how I've treated you the last few weeks. Even though I was overwhelmed, even though I was stressed, there is no excuse for how I treated you my love."

"It's okay baby, I forgive you. I'm sorry for being so immature and making you jealous tonight. I should have handled it better."

"No, don't apologize. I deserved it. You're right, I don't know what else you could have done to have gotten my attention. And that is so unfair to you, I promise from now on when I get overwhelmed, I'll listen to you more. Because you deserved so much better than how I've been treating you lately."

You wipe away another tear that fell from her gorgeous eyes and you pull her in for a kiss. Her lips feel like home, they're soft and warm and when you're kissing her, the entire world disappears.

When the kiss finally ends, Rebecca wraps her arms around you and pulls you tightly into her. Only then did you realize that she was also naked. Her skin against yours has never felt so right, like your bodies were made to fit together perfectly. Rebecca pulls away and takes your hand, leading you up the stairs.

In the bedroom, she lays down in bed and pulls you down next to her. Her arms wrap around you and you lay your head on her chest. Lithe fingers trace abstract patterns across your skin while your legs tangle together under the sheets. Rebecca kisses the top of your head and rests her cheek against it, an audible sigh escaping from her lips.

"Thank you." She quietly says.

Adjusting yourself to look up at her, you furrow your brows.

"For what?"

She looks down at you with a smile on her face and kisses your forehead.

"For putting up with me when I'm a raging bitch. For forgiving me, even when I don't think I deserve your forgiveness. For having the biggest heart I've ever seen in a person. For loving me, for everything."

Leaning up you place a soft kiss on her lips and nuzzle into her neck.

"I'll always love you, Rebecca."

"I'll always love you too, my love."

[channieismyboy]

chanel chance

{dilf!seonghwa x f!reader}

sypnosis: we get to know eactly how seonghwa feels about y/n...

warnings: age difference (y/n is 21, seonghwa is 29), eventual smut, language, kind of slow burn, sad attemps at humor, punctuation errors because i'm tired

link to my masterlist <3 | link to part 2

"and then what happened?" minho asks. he has one hand on the steering wheel, and as the traffic light turns green, he rotates his right arm in a clockwise direction. you feel the turn, holding onto the car until it drives straight.

"he insisted on walking me to the gate, so i agreed. then once we arrived at the gate, he told me i got the job" you say while looking out the window. it's dark out. the streetlights, along with the illuminated signs from fast food restaurants contrast nicely with the night sky.

you hear a gasp come out of jisung's mouth at your statement, his hand covering his ajared mouth. he hits minho's shoulder a few times, basically slapping him. you’re pretty sure minho’s arms under his black t-shirt is all red. "so you're going to see mr. park more often now?"

"i think so, although i'm quite nervous. i don't want to do the wrong thing in front of someone so important." you say.

"why? cause you think he's sexy?" minho says with a huge smirk on his face. you roll your eyes at what your annoying friend had said. you kick the driver's seat that’s in front of you to bug minho a bit, it worked since you hear him yell out a loud ‘yah’ while raising his hand in a fist, while jisung dies of laughter in the background.

"yeah y/n, i saw how you were smiling at his face. i could even see your blush from all the way in the car." jisung says just to provoke you even more. He adds fuel to the fire minho had started. they truly are perfect for each other, you remark.

"shut up, even if i think he's a little attractive," you're lying of course, mr. park is the most handsome man you have laid your eyes on, and to top it he's incredibly respectful. "i can't let that get to me, i mean he's my uncles boss. i must be as professional as possible. plus it's like anything would happen between us."

you all agree at that, there would be no way on earth that mr. park would be interested in you...

-

the rest of the car ride to your apartment consisted of a call to your uncle on speaker, telling him about what had happend while shuting up minho and jisung in the background. After your call with your uncle, minho and jisung continued teasing you about your new boss.

after saying goodbye to your friends with a bright smile, you enter your appartment's building and head straight for the elevator. you would like to have the rest of the evening to yourself to get your thoughts in order. that is until, you hear a small ding coming from your phone. after entering your small apartment, and taking off your shoes, you look at who messaged you.

you see that it's mr. park who messaged you. a strange feeling of excitement and nervousness creeps onto you. you slide your phone open, and read the message.

mr. park:

[9:45 p.m.] hi, could you tell me what days would be best for you to babysit jieun so i know when to make arrangements for my work?

you think about the times of your classes, trying to remember each one correctly before you come to the conclusion that wednesdays, fridays and sundays would be best for you.

you:

[9:50 p.m.] hello mr. park! i looked at my schedule for this semester and the days that would work for me to babysit jieun would be wednesdays, fridays, and sundays. if any of those days do not work for you please let me know!

you wait a little bit, staring at your phone screen. you see the three little bubbles pop up, indicating that he's typing.

mr. park:

[9:54 p.m.] don't worry, all of those days work for me! since it will be saturday in a few days, would 6:30 to 9 p.m. work for you?

you:

[9:55 p.m.] yes that is a good time for me, see you then!!

the realization that you will now work for your uncle's boss has now kicked in for you...

-

seonghwa's pov:

y/n:

[9:55 p.m.] yes that is a good time for me, see you soon!!

"would it be okay for me to ask why are you smiling so much mr. park?"

i look up to see laura hanging up my jacket and placing it on a rack in a nearby closet. she has a slight smirk on her face. was i really smiling at my phone?

"laura, it has been three years of you working for me, please call me by my first name. plus for your information, i was not smiling at my phone." i say as i put down my phone on my desk. i stand and walk closer to her, until i am face to face with her.

"i'm pretty sure i saw you smiling." she teases while putting on her shoes at the front door.

laura is one of my housekeepers, i hired her a while ago when jieun was younger. she has helped me incredibly, acting as a mother-figure of sorts for jieun and strangely me. i recall her interview and her saying that retirement had become too boring, since she had worked all her life, and had become used to it.

i found that i could relate to her reason. i think i will most likely end up working for a long time to satisfy my family. she has been working for me ever since. i am incredibly grateful towards her. she constantly makes sure i take care of myself as i am always in my office.

"well i was just texting with ms. L/n, we were discussing her schedule to babysit jieun,"

her wrinkled face now has a surprised expression. "you finally hired a babysitter? it's that girl who came in today right, the pretty one?"

i feel my face heat up a bit at laura's blunt statement. "yes i hired her, i deem her to be responsible. plus jieun likes her a lot even after one session."

"i'm surprised mr. 'no one is good enough to babysit my daughter' hired someone so quickly," laura says mockingly, already heading out the door. flashbacks of numerous interviews of previous babysitters replay in my mind. laura is right, i value and love my daughter dearly which is why i may be slightly picky when it comes to who's in charge of her.

"i'll see you tomorrow mr. park!" she says while waving out to me. i daze out of my thoughts and wave back to the kind older lady before i close the door.

-

i lay down on my bed, the soreness in my back beginning to disappear. i exhale through my nose while closing my eyes. my mind goes back to what laura had said to me, "i'm surprised mr. 'no one is good enough to babysit my daughter' hired someone so quickly," why did i hire L/n so quickly i ask myself?

suddenly, i recall L/n’s face smiling. i recall the feeling my tired self felt when i saw her smile. it somehow relaxed me seeing her bright eyes light up, and how she smelled like one of my favorite perfumes, ‘chanel chance’. perhaps that's why i walked her to the front gate, because i wanted to be in her calming and uniquely alluring presence? i shake my head at my thoughts, i should not be thinking this. my heart should not skip a beat when i think of her. i am most certainly tired, that explains why i am thinking like this.

end of seonghwa's pov

-

a/n: hey guys!! I know that it’s been a long time. I have been trying my best to write but it never worked out, or I was dealing with some issues. I know this one was short, and if the punctuation is off, it’s because I was tired. But because this one was short the next part will most-likely have lots of plot development. I have big plans for this, the execution might just take a little while. However, I do appreciate the amount of support I have gotten from you all!!! It honestly motivates me incredibly <3 Please make sure to take care of yourselves, eat, sleep, and drink water properly!! I love you all <3

tagslist: @miamyre @luabahngg @flowersiinherhaiir @vvsmydiamonds127 @prodsh00ky @jhmylove @sunwoosberrie @jenotation @m4rsluv @seonghwasstar @zwiehe @nctzennikki09 @xosim @nagadiluc @kodzukein @aurumness @seonghwarizon @heavenly-mobo @nevieatiny @idunnowhatonameit @lyaljw @smeetb0ne3 @yeosxxx @koalakoala8 @imalildelulu @sookacc @lunaa221 @asjkdk @wal-nut

(if you would like to be included in the the tagslist please let me know!!)

[fleshengine]

K I need to type this up somewhere, I just need to talk about it. This is definitely vent-y so enjoy this cut.

Here's the story so far.

When I was a child my mother married a man with two kids. They were my step brothers and they both have some combination of adhd/autism. They were also both particularly high needs, largely because their mother was a massive enabler and didn't let her kids learn to do things for themselves. So my mom, when confronted with the fact that she had two kids that needed a lot of support, and two kids who she had raised well enough to be fairly self governing, decided to largely neglect her own kids in favor of the louder, more needy, children of someone else. Yes I hate cuckoo birds, I'm a victim of brood parasitism.

Because I found my step brothers incredibly annoying and they were also the reason I was neglected as a child, I internalized a lot and I mean a LOT of ableism. Between the faces of adhd and autism being my cuckoobrothers and the face of depression being my older sister, I was determined to be the normal and productive and "good" child of the family. I hated them, I watched them pop pills and continue to have problems and I fantasized about being a successful engineer someday and them coming to me for money and denying them. This was in no way healthy and I am ashamed of the things I thought but in younger me's defense he was a neglected, abused, and sad little boy.

Fast forward many years, my mom has divorced the dad of the cuckoobrothers, I haven't spoken to them in years, my sister has moved out. I find myself in online spaces that open me up to the idea that I could be neurodivergent, I could have adhd, autism, depression. It takes a while but I push through my internalized ableism and one night I sit down with my mom and I talk about how much ableism I internalized from hating my ex step brothers and how it had taken me a while to work up to talking to her about it. But I told her that I thought I had adhd and/or autism and/or depression and that I wanted to talk to a doctor about it. A major step forward in the life of anyone with a problem of some kind is admitting you have it. By all rights this should've been a turning point in my life.

She told me there wasn't anything wrong with me. She told me that she felt the same way all the time and that it was normal. Nevermind that I had evidence. Nevermind that she made jokes about being autistic. Nevermind all of that. There was clearly nothing wrong with me, so the topic was dropped.

It's been years. I don't have a diagnosis for autism, or take antidepressants or really consider that I might have ADHD. I can't bring myself to think of myself in those contexts. Yes, I admit that I'm likely autistic. Yes I admit that I am depressed. I say I could have adhd but I don't know for sure. I don't joke about depression or adhd and I get livid when other people do. I just refuse to admit that it's okay in my head. I cannot reconcile my feelings and reality and the cognitive dissonance tears me apart.

I'm entering my fourth year of college, I had my first day of classes yesterday. I have barely scraped by, through the generosity and understanding of professors and faculty. I failed over 3/4 of my classes in my first year. I had to write a plea letter to be allowed to stay. I have groveled and wrestled with my own mind every day and it has barely been enough. I don't talk to my mom much, I actually sort of actively avoid her. But she called me this afternoon.

The call was actually really nice, I got caught up on her life and I did a little catch up of my own. She talked more than me and interupted me and I did a good job of not getting angry. I had a good time, we laughed about things. I was considering coming up to her place on Friday to see her and her band perform somewhere. She started talking about her current bf, how he's the kind of ADHD where he has just a couple things that he really hyperfocuses on. Then she went to contrast that with herself.

And she excitedly told me that she was getting on ADHD meds soon.

You know, I want to be happy for her I really do. You're supposed to celebrate people working on themselves. You're supposed to cheer them on. I lasted less than a minute. I reminded her of how she had shot me down when I was a kid. She brushed it off with a quick apology and started explaining how my sister had helped her come to terms with it. I told her I had to leave the call before I said something hurtful. Which was true, if I had stayed much longer I probably would've asked to go no contact again and told her that I hate her and she let me be ruined and how much better of a person I could've been if she had had more than two braincells to rub together back then. I left the call. I cried. I sent a message to my dad about it. I talked to my best friend. I wrote this.

There's still a corner of my mind that hates people who openly admit they have adhd. It sees my ex step older brother in all of them. How he would constantly blame his problems on his mental illness. How loudly he would sing that one line in AWOLNATION's Sail. My friend asks if we could make an extra stop while we're out and about to pick up their adhd meds and I hate them. My autobiographical writing prof cracks a joke about having adhd and I hate him. Someone I know blames her not having done a task on her adhd and I hate her. It's a little, hurt, angry part of my brain and I know it's wrong and I tell it it's wrong every time it comes up and I don't let its anger show through. But every time I consider that I might have adhd it hates me too.

fin, done, the end, fuck this shit

ps if my friend who needed to pick up meds sees this I love you pookie, you're a real one and please don't misinterpret me talking about how my internalized ableism manifests as me expressing hatred towards you, you're genuinely one of my best friends and you have given me a couple of the best nights of my life, as well as by far the best birthday I've had. I don't know what I'd do without you.

pps if my best friend who recently got on adhd meds and loves them sees this... yes it was incredibly hard to hear that but at the same time I was so happy for you. The pain has mostly gone and the happiness has only grown. I love you so much.

[kattahj]

Another batch of QL or QL-adjacent reviews, plus a bonus extra!

Am I the Only One with Butterflies? (Minidrama, 7 x 5-10 min)

What's it about? Jung Ah has such a crush on her kind and helpful boss, Manager Lee. But how can she know if her boss feels the same?

Genre: Romantic drama

Watch if you enjoy: Pining. Workplace romance. Age gap. Insecure protagonist. Chatroom advice. No villains. Bitesized episodes. Minimal number of characters and settings. Ambiguous ending.

Gayer version of: Hmm, I can't think of anything where someone has a crush on their boss and it's as innocent as it's presented here.

Recommended? It barely has time to get started before it ends, but it's pretty cute, so sure! Especially since it has no fandom presence on AO3 and barely any on tumblr, and I think it deserves better than that.

Watched on: YouTube

Playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLY5PeW5o0GVychuvZOrOhdWt9sgnrnh92&si=gCj7CMBV_1-EGfAi

Club Friday: Love Bully (4 x 60 min)

What's it about? Rich girl Irene falls for bartender Night, which infuriates her CEO mother and makes some others in the company sense an opportunity.

Genre: Soapy drama

Watch if you enjoy: Couples that waste no time falling in love. Class issues. (Somewhat undermined by the poorer characters' ridiculously fancy house.) Smirking villains. Trans representation.

Gayer version of: Crazy Rich Asians

Recommended? Must a show be good? Is it not enough to watch two beautiful ladies fall in insta-love while soap villains conspire (badly) against them?

So no, but also yes.

Watched on: YouTube

Trailer: https://youtu.be/RocOPTziZ1c?si=_VL3nFNzb5dG7xTj

Playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLESL0e438h4OWJmsV0KUFZTFAbbxF0rpg&si=PZcueqaBHTkmqeFp

Ghost Host, Ghost House (8 x 30 min, last ep double-length)

What's it about? Kevin is going on holiday with his relatives in Thailand. As a side project, he's also ghost hunting, and livestreams about it. But the ghosts may be closer than he thinks!

Genre: dramedy (more comedy to begin with, then more drama)

Watch if you enjoy: Nice ghosts and some not so nice ghosts. Ghost bureaucracy. Explorations of love and loss. Incredibly sweet boys in love. Romance that progresses at a realistic pace.

Gayer version of: The Canterville Ghost

Recommended? Yes! This was an unexpected gem. Heartfelt, funny, and sweet. Among my absolute favourites.

Watched on: GagaOoLala, but seems to also be available on youtube

Trailer (quite spoilery): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=il0tMQA8BRg

My Stand-In (12 x 60 min)

What's it about? Joe works as a stuntman/stand-in, and he also feels as a stand-in in his romantic life, since his boyfriend would rather be with aomeone else. After a fatal accident, he finds himself as a third kind of stand-in: stuck in a stranger's body!

Genre: Melodrama

Watch if you enjoy: Heightened emotions. Slight supernatural tinge. Toxic romance (that improves somewhat with time). Both supportive and less supportive family. Sweet, sad, and soppy protagonist, who knows he's a fool returning to his folly but does it anyway.

Gayer version of: Heaven Can Wait as written by the Brontë sisters (not Anne)

Recommended? For the right kind of viewer, yes! Personally, I enjoyed it in a "sit back with popcorn" way, but was the most emotionally invested in Joe's relationship with his new "mom".

Watched on: Dailymotion 

Trailer: https://youtu.be/9lzKraOt4dk?si=4kRyaPr0IbzaKT0S

Fragrance of the First Flower (6 x 15-20 min)

What's it about? Yi Ming and Ting Ting were in love in high school. Now Yi Ming is married with a child, and trying to make the best of it, when Ting Ting suddenly comes back into her life.

Genre: low-key drama

Watch if you enjoy: Realistically messy relationships. (This is more of a general relationship drama than a downright GL.) Old flames and second chances. Multiple timelines. Heartbreak with a hopeful ending. No heroes, no villains.

Gayer version of: Maybe The Notebook? I feel like this is a common story, but I'm hard pressed to find examples!

Recommended? Maybe? I thought the acting was well done, but found it distracting (and sometimes confusing) when these clearly 30+ actresses were supposed to be teenagers. The storyline is compelling, though it's hard to sympathize with anyone.

Season 2 is in the works, and I plan to see it when it comes.

Note: The end titles are unusually long, so don't be surprised if the counter says 23 minutes and the ep ends at 16.

Watched on: GagaOOLala

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkdxhA-LZ2E

Wandee Goodday (12 x 50 min)

What's it about? Dr. Wandee just got rebuffed and called vanilla by the colleague he has a crush on. Determined to prove himself desirable, he hooks up with boxing champion Yoryak and asks him to be his fake boyfriend.

Genre: Romcom

Watch if you enjoy: Hijinks of both a sexual and platonic variety. Couple who deny being in love for far too long. Playing dress-up. Talking the issues out. Gayest boxing gym ever. Parental issues. Parentified big brother with the bestest boyfriend. Some asexual representation on the side. Occasional reminders to take the HPV vaccine.

Gayer version of: To All the Boys I've Loved Before

Recommended? The main storyline is kind of cute, with piles of romcom tropes in good and bad ways. The SECONDARY couple, however, I absolutely adored. They got 5-15 minutes per ep, and stole every scene they were in and then some.

Watched on: YouTube

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAC6UgVxles

BONUS REVIEW

The Warp Effect (Series, 12 x 45-60 min)

Not a QL (it has a mix of straight and queer pairings) but relevant to the subject because it has a lot of the same actors as Thai QLs, and the director has also made some QLs.

What's it about? Before she died, Alex's mother made him promise to stay a virgin until the time is right. Whenever Alex tries to break that promise, bad things happen. Like being thrown ten years into the future.

Genre: dramedy

Watch if you enjoy: Big friend groups. Mix of comedic and serious moments. Gay, lesbian, trans, nonbinary, and even kinky representation.

Somewhat gayer version of: 13 going on 30

Recommended? On the whole, yes. It's sympathetic, and I got quite involved in some of the characters' fates (mostly the ladies and my favourite enby, not so much the guys). The comedy doesn't always work for me, and as a cynical Gen X cusper, I thought at times that the show gets too Very Special Episode about its sex ed bits. (In Swedish terms, it's like it was co-produced by UR and RFSU.) But hey, in comparison to what we were told as teenagers, its lessons are pretty darn great, and it's also got Silvy Pavida looking (and acting) fantastic in a nonbinary role, so... :-)

Watched on: YouTube

Trailer: https://youtu.be/eBwCNO-XkaY?si=2rvyoEtxFruHZq2D

Playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLGbua6YlkQiIx1a-KrOMDNDoutnY1ZEmj&si=4ik9y6LC5t2owoBm

[writingsofwesteros]

and one more from the nanny universe bc friday night drunk writing and bc ned stark is life

...the one in which Nanny switches to dom for Ned :)

Catelyn Stark is out for the weekend, off coordinating some important fashion show, so Nanny is working extra hours. It's friday night and it's peaceful. Bran and Rickon are asleep already, Arya, Sansa and Rob are tucked in too, listening to the Bullerbyn audiobook, but their eyelids are growing heavy by the minute.

Nanny leaves the nursery door open and busies herself with tidying the kitchen, wondering idly what could have delayed Mr Eddard on his way from the courthouse. Theon is blowing her DMs yet again, he's been drinking and texting, calling her names, and Nanny is so done with his shit.

She hears the Lexus on the driveway, and can almost tell Mr Stark's foul mood from the erratic murmur of the engine before he shuts it down. Then Ned is at the door. He looks like hell.

"Sir," Nanny acknowledges him, opting for professional.

"Evening," he says, but he doesn't even look at her, and she's not prepared for how much it bothers her. She's used to getting way more attention from him.

Something must have happened, because Ned makes a beeline for the liquir cabinet, pours himself a double shot of single malt, neat, and immediately downs it. Nanny peeks to the nursery to confirm the children are fast asleep, switches off the audiobook, closes the door and returns to the living room. Ned is sitting at the kitchen bar, nursing his third drink.

"Daddy?" she asks, but it comes out feeble, because she's unsure if he's in the mood to play. He doesn't answer. She approaches him gingerly from behind and starts massaging his neck to test the waters. "Daddy, I've been thinking of you," she whispers in his ear.

Instead of him relaxing, or giving a growl of approval, she feels him tense up under her fingers. That alarms her...

"Mr Stark? Is something amiss?" she asks, breaking the role.

Ned takes a deep breath and exhales. "Just a little tired, Nanny, thank you," he says, but he feels so incredibly sad, so unlike his normal confident self, that Nanny's heart aches.

"Sounds like more than that," she remarks. She knows she's embarked on foreign waters with this, they've never talked work or private lives, they've never talked as... friends do. "Rough day at work?" she asks, nevertheless.

Stark sighs. "You can't imagine," he answers.

Nanny sits on the countertop beside him, and leans down to look at his face. "What do you need, Ned?" she asks, quiet and serious.

"I need..." he trails off, and then looks at her. "I need... a Nanny?" his gaze is fixed on her, searching.

Sure. Sure, she can be that. A Nanny. She smirks at him.

"You're a big boy," she says, as if hesitant, but it's all a play. "But even big boys need someone to take care of them from time to time, I suppose."

"Yes," Ned says, and gives her a weak, underwhelming smile, but it's a smile, and that's something. She reaches out, gets ahold of his chin, and tilts his head to face her. She feels his evening stubble under her fingers.

"So, tell your Nanny," she begins. "Have you been good? If you lie, I'll know."

"I'm afraid I've been bad, Nanny," he answers, his serious eyes focused on her.

"How bad?" she inquires further.

"Not good enough, at any rate. And bad things happened, Nanny" he confesses.

"And do you know what happens to bad boys?" she asks. Ned pauses, and then nods.

"Say it," Nanny demands sharply.

"They... get punished," Ned says, but doesn't sound as dejected as before. Nanny can hear a trace of budding excitement in his voice.

"So they do," Nanny says. "Follow me!" she snaps the command and leads him upstairs, making sure to display the sensual swaying of her hips as she ascends the steps. They enter the master bedroom.

"Give me your belt" she says, "and present your bum, naughty boy."

Ned's breathing hitches. Nanny can tell he will not be dominated easily. He invades her personal space and towers over her, his eyes locked with hers, but he obediently unclasps his belt and hands it to her.

"A good start, but you'll have to do better," she says. "Get on the bed, on your knees."

Ned is silent for a minute, and Nanny starts thinking he might protest, but she never breaks her gaze, and he finally relents, Once she has him on the bed, she pushes him forward, so that he props himself on his hands and she has him on all fours. She tugs his slacks down harshly and bares his ass. His dick hangs between his legs obscenely, semi-hard. So this is arousing for him. Good to know.

She leans to his ear and whispers: "Ask for it, Eddie."

She can hear him grit his teeth, but he obliges her, still.

"Please Nanny," Ned says, "spank me."

She is proud of her first spank. It's fast and well aimed, bound to be more sting than actual pain, and that's the goal. Ned grunts, but stays composed.

"You did not count it, Eddie," she says, bemused, "so it will not count. Let's try it again." Ned curses quietly. "I heard that, naughty boy. Careful, or you'll get punished extra."

She swings the belt and this time he starts counting out loud. Again and again he takes it like a champ. But Nanny can see him getting harder, his dick stiffening with each spank. He moans by the sixth.

"Good boy," she praises. "Such beautiful sound. Don't hide it from your Nanny," she says, as she caresses the red welts on his buttock. Then she deals another lash, promptly, without warning.

"Aaargh," Ned cries.

"Yes," Nanny, "you're taking it so well, my boy. Three more to go."

Each of the three spanks earns her a beautiful groan from Ned, and by the tenth one he collapses on the bed. Nanny is promptly upon him, cradling his head and petting his hair.

"Such a good boy, you did so well," she praises. "You'll get your reward now, Eddie," she says and Ned smiles at her. She releases him and sits on the edge of the bed. "Kneel on the floor between my legs now, Eddie."

This time he does as he's told immediately.

"That's a good boy for Nanny," she says as she takes off her shirt and bra. "Now you get to suck on Nanny's titties. You like that, don't you?" she asks playfully.

"I do," he growls, as he gives her Nipple a test lick, and to his quiet delight Nanny can't hold down a moan. He starts sucking her nipple like there's no tomorrow, and he tweaks the secon one between his fingers. Nanny is in heaven. She could get yoused to that domination thing.

"You're such a good boy, Eddie. Such a good boy for your Nanny," she mumbles, stroking his head. "Oooh," she wails when he bites her nipple and then licks at it to take the sting off. "Good, clever boy!"

"Nanny," he says, lifting his head to look her in the eyes. "Can your boy fuck you now? Please, I think I'd like to fuck you now."

Nanny thinks her heart might melt.

!!!!!!!!!!!

SUB NED!!!! THE HOTTEST !!

I bow to you and your work !!

I love the nickname she gives him thank you very much

[lifewithjane]

Month Two

Our second month together consisted a whole heap more of fun dates together. We were at a point where we shared music between each other, songs that made each other think of the other. It also included talking about and introducing each other to each other's friends.

Month two started with both of us being away for the weekends, where I was in York and she went to Cotswolds. She was outrageously hit on by some 75 year old airbnb owner - have I gotten over my previous jealousy issues I've faced in the past? Probably not as this really wasn't a good test for that. I mean, the guy was 70 years old and it was all very friendly and jokey.

We went on an interesting Life Drawing date together in Brixton. I didn't know how to feel about it all, both witnessing a naked body together and attempting to draw them. I could imagine in previous years when I was much more insecure about these things, there wouldn't have been a chance in the world, but now, maybe I've grown? The overall day went well and I got to witness she's got some creative talent, unlike me. Idk if I'm willing to embarrass myself again going to a life drawing class like that, but was a pretty cool experience either way. One thing that did play on my mind was how she mentioned a few times about wanting to be the model in a life drawing class and how it made her feel free. I understand its not my choice and I can't really do much in the position I'm in, but why does it make me feel so insecure and uncomfortable. I think it's this possessive nature I have/had, where the idea of seeing someone I love naked like that, just puts me off so much and makes me sad. Anyways, short term solution for now is not bringing it up again and an issue to deal with if she brings it up again and wants to action anything.

Our next fun date involved going to the cricket together. Although the actual day was filled with terrible weather and just watching rain, we had an interesting debate and I got to witness Jane's incredible debating skills first hand. We chatted about whether cricket was a real sport or an activity. Although the topic of cricket should have favoured me, can't say I confidently won that argument. But I was also impressed with how much cricket she actually knew, so surprisingly.. I mean which girl knows anything about cricket?

Other highlights involved going to a live TV Audience with her which was pretty cool. She seemed pretty engaged and excited about the whole thing which is always positive. Between all these activities were a whole heap of cuddles and sex, which was getting better every day.

This one night, Jane managed to ride me for almost an hour. Yes a fkn hour, idk how. But she just kept going and going, although I didn't come, it was probably the closest I've ever been. The sex was getting more and more affectionate and we could both feel our emotions getting so much stronger. Things were escalating very fast and although we both hinted at how we felt a certain three words, we were too scared to say anything.

There were a few upcoming milestones in the horizon but I was yet to really work out what the order would be. With all the pressure coming from friends to meet them, that was definitely first to be ticked off. I was in Lisbon with JuWay and all he'd talk about was meeting her and he was having a house party at his on friday 18th August.

When the day came around, we both got dinner together. She didn't seem too nervous at all. She was wearing this bright blue dress looking absolutely stunning. There was one minor thing that was bugging me and i didn't want it to lead to our first fight. She had about three of her top buttons down and it bothered me knowing she was about to see my friends. Lot of my friends in London were more on the conservative side and I knew they'd definitely overthink / judge her and it bothered me way too much than it should have. Guess it's that same insecurity as last month playing up again?

Fortunately even though I articulated so poorly, she was so understanding and straight away did up a button. I don't want to be controlling or cause any arguments, but honestly Jane being so understanding about where I'm coming from is just another reason why I'm so obsessed with her. This alongside with all my friends loving her that night.

I saw JuWay the next day and he said she was so great and just surprised she's with me. And tbh even I'm surprised. Meg T even went out of her way to msg me and tell me how much she liked her.

And then she met Shannon the next sunday morning at the Women's world cup soccer final between England and Spain. And they managed to get along so well.

It's so easy to get sick of shannon when he brags every sentence but I got to witness how good of a conversationalist Jane really was. She would constantly ask questions and Shannon just ended up talking about himself the whole time and not realising.

We both thene went to St Burgess park after and discussed future plans. She invited me to their france trip in 2024 for olympics which was so lovely and made me feel really happy. I guess just committing to something so far in the future show me she really believed in us. We then confirmed our upcoming trip will be to Stockholme after some quick research.

I made a trip home and came back to hers for some cuddles and booked some stuff for Sweden. We locked in the accomm and flights for 8-10 Sept. Exciting times ahead.

It was getting close to our official two months and I felt ready to tick off the last two milestones for the month.

I had booked peckham rooftop film club with bottomless popcorn where we watched Dirty Dancing. The movie started at 6pm and it was an absolute classic, surprised I had never seen it. It ended about 8pm and it was beautiful sunset and i knew the peckham levels bar was nearby. I was ready to take her there and tell her how I felt.

So we made a trip there and walked towards the view of the London city in the sunset. There I said it - it involved a classic 2 min speech about how I thought she was so amazing and the ended with me saying I loved her. And she said the same words back to me. Although she had made it obvious she had felt the same way, just hearing it in person just feels so much more special. From then on, we were constantly saying it whenever we were together. Although the next two weeks, due to me being stuck in Budapest and making a few other trips, meant we had to pretty much do long distance.

The plan was to go to Primrose Hill on Tuesday 29th July (exactly 2 months since we met) and ask her out and make it official bf/gf. But unfortunately my flight from Budapest got cancelled, leaving the next time i could see her was Sept 3rd.

It had been a fast moving but incredible 2 months. Don't know how long it's been since I felt this happy about someone.

[jennawynn]

Enterprise Season 4 Episodes 1-3

For those of you who aren't in the know, I'm documenting my in-universe chronological watch through of the entire Star Trek series. I'm on the final season of Star Trek: Enterprise now. Follow along (or block) with the tag #chronotrek! On with the... *checks notes* alien Nazis. No, not like Star Wars. These are apparently aliens in WW2 Nazi uniforms on Earth. Blue skin and all. Which... totally tracks for white supremacists obsessed with everyone matching a physical ideal. Yep.

Episode 1

Ah yes the classic what would happen if the Nazis won AU.

Episode 2

Hey I think that's the first time they've actually said "Beam [me/them] up". They said 'beam' a time or two last season, but not that particular phrase.

I don't get to actually _see_ a lot of the show. It's in the corner while most of my focus is on work... but every now and then I glance up and see people trying to 'throw bullets' with their prop guns and it is always amusing to see.

Even 200 years in the future, people are still obsessed with learning about WW2 weapons, huh? Both Travis and Malcolm make incredibly specific observations about the planes being used against them.

In my circle, there's a joke... are you a History Buff (a guy obsessed with just WW2 history, tech, and weapons) or do you like history (someone who actually likes learn things about all sorts of things including the role of women and minorities, civilians, and things that don't involve warfare)?

Gotta admit- the honor guard of dozens of ships meeting Enterprise to escort her back to Earth gave me a single shiver.

Episode 3

lmao the canned applause for the 10 people in front of a green screen. and the reverse shot with the obviously not exterior lighting in front of the CGI audience.

Kind of weird to wrap the cliffhanger of the last season finale and an entire plotline about the temporal cold war in two episodes. I guess all that's left is the Guardians? Or are they just making a new threat for this season?

The old jazz club... it kinda cracks me up how Trek in general tries to get around the issue of how to portray the future without having it obviously be rooted in the time that that particular series was filmed. You don't want to throw a Jurassic Park 8 joke in there or tell people that Billie Eilish is still popular in 2154... so most Trek that I've happened to see kinda venerates things like old blues and jazz music, black and white movies, etc. Trip's movie nights are things like The Day the Earth Stood Still and Frankenstein and Sunset Boulevard and not Titanic or Avatar or even Friday the 13th. Billie Holiday was played in the last episode. It's reminiscent of Fallout's retro-futurism.

It's kind of sad to think about, though... that the 22nd century doesn't have art of its own. Right now, a woman's talking about 'yet another WW3 epic' that swept the awards that kind of hearkens to our current media landscape where there's nothing new but remakes and sequels.

Oh, she's the captain of NX-2? Nice.

T'Pol's mom needs to make up her mind about Trip lmao

Why do all Vulcans need to wear that one hairstyle? There's no differentiation at all?

[larperwithastaff]

Analysing My Own PC's Playlist. Because I Can.

This is Nina's entire general playlist! This isn't in any order, and has existed through several iterations of Nina's character.

I'll talk about Nina's backstory coherently one day. For now, this is a lore-heavy list with captions.

Long Post o7

1. When The War Is Over - Grayson Matthews

Yes, it's a The Next Step song. But It Works. It's very dark elf. It can go back to Xen'Khari's backstory, it can be linked to Nina's backstory. It's a haunting song that connects to Nina's naivety and being too trusting.

2. Starfall - Tia Ray

Honkai Impact 3rd once again making me bawl my eyes out for Kiana. This was added when Nina's backstory was very different to what it is now. Originally she was an ex-bard on the run from people who blackmailed her. Now she's a rescued student mage who's a little too willing to get into a fight (for good reasons, of course)

3. Ryuusei (Comet) - Eir Aoi

Right in the heart with this one. Nina's entire sunshine-y personality stems from repressed trauma and not wanting to remember her past. The song mentions "not being able to smile properly"/"Loneliness is painful, and kindness feels so sad, yet this place is so precious to me". Nina's front is put on every day, and most days she's fully convinced herself that it's natural, but sometimes the facade falters, and how she really feels sneaks through. Though what Nina's experienced is incredibly tragic, she still pulls through, and creates these connections around her, creating memories to replace the ones she's buried.

4. Pompeii - Bastille

The (redacted Xen'Khari lore,, probably, I don't know yet), Nina's past, her parents being killed ("Basic Rogue Backstory" - Hav'Ranii's player), repressing memories, this entire song has such strong Nina energy, it was a no-brainer to put it on here.

5. Star Divine - Starlight Kukugumi

Before my home game's magic system got an overhaul, this was one of the first chants I had! The old system had (only) healing magic, sing a 30-second chant and you could revive a person to full hp. The system is significantly more complicated now, but it's expanding to include more types of magic, so mostly no complaints.

6. When You're An Addams - Addams Family Musical

BIG XEN'KHARI ENERGY. "You gotta have a little moonlight"/"you need to feel a little chill" and "You smile a bit the moment you smell blood" "It's family first and family last, and family by and by!". We're a warhammer-esque dark elf warband, it just Works.

7. Take Aim - Derivakat

Added because this song feels like what a friday night fight feels like. The wind whistling in your ears, the excitement of the battle, running across the huge field into a fight. It has energy of a group fight, but also the energy of just how feral Nina gets in a fight. I want to write a CMV to this for Xen'Khari, I think it could be really cool!

8. Hokori to Ogori (Pride and Arrogance) - Starlight Kukugumi

Another old chant. I took Maya's verse at the end, although sheer embarrassment kept me from singing this one too often.

9. Sugar Song To Bitter Step - BriCie

This! Song! Is! Nina! I wish it was longer because it encapsulates Nina's vibe so So well. I'm always dancing in my seat whenever this starts playing, I made choreography for it when I was in middle school, and I only remember scraps of it, but it's still important to me. Yet another CMV I want to write, but Nina-centric.

10. The Call - Regina Spector

This song is so So special to me, but a rant for a different time. The first verse and chorus I relate back to Xen'Khari's story. 2nd verse is Nina's backstory specifically, progressing from her past to the present with more redacted lore. The final 2 verses make me think of the present day/progressing to the future. Nina's a complex (or i hope i write her well enough to be complex) character, and i want to play her as such. Things will happen that'll trigger memories to come back, and Nina will slowly become who she was originally, different parts of herself will come back together and form a cohesive person.

11. Come With Me - Chxrlotte

If Nina was to sing a song, it would be Come With Me. It's not even lore relevant, I just feel like Nina would sing/dance around to this song. No real routine in mind, just going with the music.

12. It's Tough To Be A God - Annapantsu/Elsie Lovelock

Another warband member mentioned Nina bring a goddess of "Healing, hunting and shins... oh, and also extreme violence." Once, and i took that comment and Ran with it. I've got a whole costume in mind, audios saved for clock app, etc. Not my focus for costumes at the moment, but an idea for the future. A funky little AU for when I have money time for costumes I can't wear on field.

13. Machine Gun - KIRA

Nina Going Feral❤ if a fancam of Nina in battle existed, the final bridge would be the background music. This song is so Good.

14. The Spider and the Lamps - Razia's Shadow

If Hav'Ranii and Nina had a theme song, I feel like this would be it. The song (in Razia's Shadow) tells the story of a spider named Barayas manipulating the lead of Act 1, Ahrima, into destroying lamps created by himself and others (Razia's is,, a confusing show). I've wanted to choreograph a ballet routine to this for a couple years now, sadly I am not skilled in the ballet area of dance. I imagine the song along the lines of Hav'Ranii manipulating Nina into doing their work for them, really making Nina distrust certain people. I have a draft on tiktok with it, sitting, waiting to be edited. I could not be assed. One day, though.

15. Ballroom of Romance - Celtic Women

Again just Nina dancing to a song. I feel like if a ball ever did happen, Nina would be absolutely beside herself with excitement. If she had any tasks to do, she'd be so distracted by dancing, talking to friends, trying to write down happy memories in her notebook that she'd be delayed on completing them unless someone reigned her in.

16. READY!! - IDOLMASTER 765PRO ALLSTARS

I love imas, it holds a special place in my heart. READY!! Is less in-character and more for me personally. Getting ready for larp, getting in character, the challenges that come along with the game, etc. Also I like the dance.

17. Sweet Witches' Night - Cinderella Girls

Again, just Vibes. Nina being a little unhinged with magic. I know the song is supposed to be sweet with creepy undertones (watch the starlight stage animation. what the fu-) but I'm just imagining Nina doing this little ballet dance and at one point, the lighting switches, and the rest of the song is just a Liiitle weird. A little off-putting.

18. Halloween❤Code - Cinderella Girls

Pure vibes. Nina's personality but make it Halloween. It's such a cute song, it just fits.

19. Cabo - Ricky Montgomery

"Ashes, ashes, dust to dust, I think I found the place for us! It's down by the Garden after dark. It's in my arms, it's in my arms..." I know this is a (romantic) love song, but I am chosing to ignore that and imagine the chorus as found family. Feelings of safety in camp, surrounded by the people who saved her from what probably would've been certain death, if Nina had stayed behind much longer after her parents were killed.

20. HONEY - Derivakat

Another contender for Nina's character song. A bouncy, energetic song that makes you want to dance! This song is just happy stims but made into music. Like if you wanted a way to show people Nina before they meet her, just show them this song.

Aaand that's it! I ended up clearing a few songs that really didn't fit Nina anymore, so it was a good opportunity to clean up the playlist. I have 2 (technically 3) other Nina-related playlists, but both have less than 5 songs in them. If I decide to do this again, I'll probably combine both into one post.

If you made it through to the end of my infodump, thanks for reading! Hopefully there's a song or two up there that you want to check out!

It is now 3:30am. I have work tonight. I need sleep. Goodnight nerds. /pos

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 12

Click here if you are a first time reader.

Summary / TWs: Steve Rogers does not pass the vibe check yet again, le sad face. Loki is a good bro. Bruce fluff but what else is new? Literally everyone is a good bro, yo. Reader has best people. Tony's in there, kind of. Parents still suck.

For taglist: please send an ask if you changed your @! I noticed several people are unavailable :(

As always, my baby gay @miscmarvelwritings is the bestest beta!

"I think I am going to murder your father." Bucky's angry statement didn't surprise me. Neither did Steve's initial reaction, or anybody else's mostly pitying looks.

Bruce, my Bwucie, was calm and dejected. That worried me. I expected him to be at least a little bit green around the edges when Steve forcefully sat me down and made me explain the drunken, drugged stunt I'd done the night before, but alas, it seemed like Jolly Green was just sad. Or disappointed. And I didn't know which was worse.

The more I thought about it, the more defensive and abrasive I became. "And you'll kill yourself trying, he'll drive you fucking nuts" I responded to Barnes. "Honestly, I don't fucking see the problem here. My dad shows up five times a year at best. It's been like that forever. And it's not like I'm some kind of junkie," I defended myself, and my dad, because I really didn't see the huge deal about it. Relaxing once in a while doesn’t hurt anyone.

"It's not right!" Steve exclaimed, loosely banging a fist on the table. The self-righteous prick, seemed like he wanted to pick a fight just for the sake of it.

"And who are you, exactly, to say that? The moral police?" I blew up, standing and turning to the blonde man, hands on my hips. "Or you've decided to be my parent without asking me first? Keep your hopes up and maybe a fuck will magically appear, so I could give it to you."

He stood up in turn, getting uncomfortably close to my face. I was suddenly reminded of the fact that he was a very large, very strong man. "We want what's best for you! Can't you see it?" Rogers was getting red in the face, crossed arms, staring at me down like I was dirt under his shoes.

"How about..." I seethed, having to stop mid-sentence to swallow the scream that wanted to erupt. "How about... You FUCKING ask me what I want?"

"I suggest the Captain leave to go calm down," Loki suddenly piped up. He stayed silent throughout the whole conversation, picking at his food instead. Only after his sharply uttered words I noticed he had stood up. His hand hovered over my shoulder, body discreetly wedging between me and the Captain.

I heard Steve growl before he stormed off, throwing an annoyed look at Loki. A pregnant silence hung in the room. The longer it lasted, the more I wanted to crawl out of my skin, suddenly hyper aware of all these people - strangers, save a few - debating on what to do with me. Like I wasn't a person. Like...

"Ugh, fucking hell," I growled, beelining for my bag. I had definitely overstayed my welcome.

"Where are you going?" Bruce asked, standing up to follow.

"Home," I replied curtly, nodding my thanks to Loki for the intervention. He nodded back, walking off. I would have probably started swinging at the Icicle Dick if not for the raven haired Asgardian's timely interruption.

"I'll drive you," Banner trotted after me like a dejected puppy. I didn't have the mental capacity to deal with this, at all.

"I need to see Tony first. Meet you downstairs?"

Bruce nodded, looking even more confused.

Tony kissed me hungrily, in between promises to kill Steve and cancel my dad and get me my own apartment in the tower. Believing in fairy tales wasn't something I was ever prone to; I smiled, nodded along and did my best to shut him up with my own mouth on his. I left with the promise to text him as soon as I got home.

"How are you?" Bruce asked me as we once again drove through the busy city. This was becoming a nice habit but we really had to meet up when I wasn't going through another one of my turmoils.

"All things considered, I am great. Better than I've been in a while." I answered honestly, meaning it. However brief Tony's attention would be, it still satisfied me. Then and there I decided to always, always cherish what happened during my brief stint in his arms.

"Really?" Banner's warm smile was an unexpected but pleasant surprise. "Care to share?"

It threw me for a loop. I didn't know how much Tony wanted to disclose regarding what happened between us. I didn't know the extent of his friendship with Bruce. I didn't know...

"Tony," I choose the usual option. Admit what you can't deny, deny what you can't admit.

"I know the feeling," The good doctor chuckled, companionable-like and meaningful. "He tends to go all the way for the people he cares about. Too much, if you ask me."

"What do you mean?" I was confused. Sure, me and Tony were friends. But not, like, super close or anything. We'd fucked, or more like messed around, so I expected our friendship to grow colder. That's what happened when friends decided to bump uglies.

"I mean... He'll move mountains and challenge the government and bully them into dropping charges against you," There was a hint of sadness in Brucie's voice. I vaguely recalled seeing something on the news, something about the Hulk and a massive destruction spree. It didn't take long to put two and two together.

I reached out, putting a hand on his knee. He covered my palm with his own, giving it a brief, warm squeeze.

"It must be great having a friend like that. You're both wonderful and brilliant. You deserve no less," The smile threatened to split my face in two.

Bruce returned the smile but the sadness didn't go away. "You realize that extends to you, right?"

"Me? I'm just me, Bruce." I wasn't sure where this was going. "I'm Peter's classmate and the resident hot mess express."

Bruce frowned, deep and long, up until he parked. Life seemed to be taking back all the happiness it gave me previously-in fucking buckets. The strap of my bag was going to get its threads pulled out with the way I was fiddling with it.

"Baby… Princess?" The scientist turned to me, tone torn somewhere between stern and pleading. "Listen to me. You are brilliant. Incredibly smart, talented and beautiful. Don't ever, ever think of yourself as less than any of us." I gaped at him.

Did he mean us as the Avengers? Us as Tony and Bruce? Meanwhile he continued, "In fact, I think you are the one who deserves so much better. I don't know what Tony found in me… Or what you found in me."

Was the man an idiot or yes? That was the question of the day. Cursing Tony's affinity for small cars (bless me and my own SUV), I only hesitated a moment before grabbing the dumb Banner by his face and startling him into looking straight in my eye. "If you don't quit talking all that fake-ass bullshit, I will kiss you. On the mouth. With tongue."

"Uh," Was his articulate response. I watched him squirm, blush and lose the heat to his argument.

"Exactly. I've had it all with you idiots today. Next time someone says some stupid ass fucking thing, I will kiss them. On the mouth, with tongue. Pass it on," I exhaled, releasing his face and dropping my head onto his shoulder.

"Some way of solving conflict you have," Banner chuckled weakly, throwing an arm around my shoulders. "I'd like to see Steve's reaction."

"A boner, probably, because he needs to get laid before he spontaneously combusts," I grumbled venomously, still bitter about his reaction. The Capsicle needed to chill. Hehe.

"I'll pass it on too," Bruce remarked wryly. "See you next week?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Bwucie, you're the fucking best," I kissed the scientist on the cheek, giving him a tighter than usual parting hug and walking up the pathway. Home.

Mother was nowhere to be seen - and the obvious reason for that laid on the kitchen floor. Couple of smashed dishes, a bottle of whiskey laying half-empty in a puddle on the grey tiles. The living room rug bore more stains and the smell of alcohol, bitter and acrid (like my soul, hardy har), hung heavily throughout the whole house.

At least I wasn't the only one who fought for myself that day. Mother probably had landed a good one on dad, too, by God the woman could be ruthless with her icy words. Dad never stood a chance. I've felt begrudgingly respectful of the way mother put people in their place with her words ever since I understood sarcasm.

First things first, I cleaned up the mess and opened the windows a smidge, cranking the air recuperation system to the max. Hanging around a place that smelled like a bum on a good Friday night was a horrible way to spend free time. Having successfully cut myself and bandaged the cuts up, I retreated to my room, not wanting to spend more time than necessary in the quiet, stinky, creepy house that my home had become.

My phone was long dead so I plugged it in, waiting for the 2% to appear, turning it on. A few messages from Peter, first cheerful, then worried and then relieved. Tony must've placated the spider child and told him I was staying at the tower. Good call, Tones, or else poor Peter would've worked himself into an anxiety attack and crashed in a dumpster while patrolling. Or something. I still didn't quite get his spider-hero side-gig.

A text from Bruce - rather, a photo, of a disgruntled Steve with his eyebrows raised, titled "I told him the next time he freaks out, you will kiss him. With tongue. Barnes cackled for about ten minutes until he ran out of air."

And a text from Tony. My chest tightened when I opened it. "Good tactics. Sneaky, clever, I'd give it a B+."

I snorted. Then the phone beeped again and I froze. A text ordering me to be ready tomorrow, for a date night? Unreal. I was torn. A part of me was elated, thinking Tony wanted to keep me around like that. The other, more sensible part, was firmly telling me to chill TF down. He'll most likely kindly reject any further intimate interactions, maybe have me sign a few NDAs.

I still answered positive, mushy and cute and all. Feelings aside, I wasn't about to change my texting style for any man. My God, I was turning into a monster. A horribly cheesy, pink, soft, fluffy monster.

The next day, school was nearly unbearable. People talked. Not to my face, of course, since the rumours of me putting away Flash Thompson were still fresh enough for everyone to be cautious around me, but the whispers followed me throughout hallways, tongue in cheek remarks thrown at me from the bathroom stalls, behind the teacher's desks. Did I care? Nope.

Okay, I did, but not in the way one would think. The little spring in my step, a slight smirk. My thoughts were occupied with my upcoming dinner with Tony.

Peter and his pet nerds stood at my side, the ever watchful guards. I had no idea why they decided I needed reassurance or their comfort (I did not), but I had to admit it was cute. MJ, in particular, glared her Death Ray Stare at any male-identifying student that dared to as much as look wrongly in my direction. I mostly ignored the trio. Pete himself did a great job with entertaining his friends, he babbled on as usual, about everything and nothing in particular. Mouth ulcers. He was going to get them one day.

Dad called me during third period, saying he was flying off to California. I would have been lying if I said I didn't know why he scheduled the sudden trip; mother's total radio silence and the absence of her laptop in her own office spoke volumes about the state of my family's affairs. They had a fight and ran off to the opposite ends of the continent. I didn't understand why mother was upset with me, though. I saved her face during dinner at Tony's, so why is she mad about me going to a party with dad? Baffling woman.

Admitting the house felt like home when either of them were absent was hard. Or, perhaps, I felt nothing at all. Spending so much time around the Brady Bunch- the Avengers made me too soft for my own liking. It wasn't just Tony that lived in mind rent-free all the time now; there was Bruce, with his kindness, Bucky with his overgrown teenager attitude, Wanda with her wit and hair that smelled like cheap shampoo - seriously, I absolutely had to show her the benefits of decent hair products. That was just to list the few little quirks. There were so many people, all of them different and wonderful in their own way.

To summarize it, I was both happy for them and bitter for not having any of that to myself. Although it made me kind of glad I didn't have a sibling - looking after someone in the mess that mother and dad created would've been a nightmare. They say it's always a better place where we are not.

I went through a whole pack of cigarettes in a span of a couple of hours. Plagued by strangely melancholic thoughts, trying to push down the anxiety over my upcoming date, my choice of outfit proved to be a cumbersome task while in process.

Expensive but simple dress with spaghetti straps, in my favourite colour. That was the easiest part. A good base for any accessories. Would Tony like it? Would the press make outrageous comments?

Either way, it would. Dad's comments cut deeper than I probably realized it until now; in a sudden bout of self-awareness and a couple of mouse clicks later... Tony wouldn't care. Tony wears suits with sneakers. The Manolos flew back, towards my shoe closet, and a pair of Chanel trainers made their debut. A Hermes 2002 barely weighed down by my wallet, keys and phone. A nice coat, too, appropriately light and so very conceptual and fashionable.

I spent way too much time deciding on what to wear. A stern talking to, however, didn't help me, and I had to redo my make-up - the "nude", "all natural" look was one of the hardest to nail. Or so Marie Claire said. Whatever, my highlighter game was, as usual, on point.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @gigglyfox01 @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway (it finally let me tag you)!

[bloededhoine]

hi! I loved the last headcanons I requested so I'm sending more, hope u don't mind and sorry if this is late and if it is not Friday for u anymore. ☾, ■ and ♡ for Morvran (coz the one u wrote is the most amazing thing) and ✿ for Ves. Thank you so much and btw I abolutely love your witcher memes

you sent this 6 november. it is currently 12 december (by time i finished it its 11 january on my god) i am so fucking sorry but here you go! also the ves one.. yes.

☾ - sleep headcanon

■ -  bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

♡ - romantic headcanon

✿ - sex headcanon

list

sleep headcanon

morvran is generally a pretty light sleeper, to the point where someone walking loudly outside will wake him up

so, he takes it upon himself to be properly tired before he goes to bed so he'll sleep through the night

this is usually accomplished by riding (a horse or a diplomat? who's to say)

good god it's the third bullet point how did i already make this sexual

alright...

he totally gives me monogrammed matching pyjama set vibes

like they're a mahogany coloured silk with a little MV embroidered in cursive

ciri loves making fun of them

but he's comfy DAMNIT

he sleepwalks... and didn't think it worth mentioning until emhyr hired a witcher to deal with the palaces supposed wraith problem...and of course he didn't want the city of golden towers to have a reputation as a hotbed for monsters.... but he eventually decided he liked his status as the local ghost

he keeps a dream diary.

like most of these hcs are based on tiny details in some obscure translation, but trust me bro morvran voorhis keeps a dream diary

he plays the dapper dude game, but with enough sambuca he will absolutely tell you why journaling your dreams is the most important thing you can do

he wears slippers. i know this for a fact. they match his pyjamas and he leaves them right next to his bed every night

of course, this started with morvran's father making sure he was always prepared for a quick getaway

even after the assassination he just couldn't shake the habit. he also always stays on the ground or first floor and won't fall asleep in a room unless the windows open from the inside. precautions, you know?

great now i'm sad

bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

okay here's the thing you need to understand about morvran voorhis: he did not have any autonomy for the first 20 odd years of his life

growing up in the imperial palace doesn't leave a lot of room for individuality. sure, he had expensive toys, soft fabrics, and the nicest governesses and most intelligent tutors in the empire, but none of it was his

even after his father died, he couldn't leave because he was getting married off to some girl he'd never even met!

so, by time he had command of the alba division and, by extension, his own life, he got creative

i'm talking a tapestry of his favoured stallion that takes up an entire wall

and a custom plaque of the merchant's guild insignia on the mantle

and a hook right next to his bed to put his medallion

and his own gwent card, framed

and a map of nilfgaard he annotates himself, with markings such as "bastard who stole fire scorpion, cheats with scoia'tael deck", "pretty girl witcher", "annoying witcher", "guild army contact", "actual 25 centimetres, take portal or carriage"

and a desk he never actually uses because it's too orderly and looks too nice to mess up

should all those mismatched patriotic and egotistical things look good together? no, no they should not. but do they?? fuck to the yes! our mans knows the importance of a colour scheme!

when you first walk in his quarters, it looks kind of like most of the others in alba, except with a few extra empty coffee mugs

but he HAS THOSE MOTHERFUCKING DETAILS

i don't know why i'm so invested in this i just fucking KNOW it's true

he's a neat freak. i feel like we all knew this.

there's a designated spot for everything, and don't you dare mess up the system

also if you drip water on his rug he will 100% throw your ass out onto the street

romantic headcanon

now, i'm almost exclusively romantically attracted to women, but i would marry voorhis and not just for the money

he definitely has a huge romantic streak that he really loves indulging. buying flowers, writing love letters, all of that, he genuinely enjoys it

yes, he's a busy man, but he makes the little moments count! he definitely bugs assire for a new xenovox like every week because he breaks them so often

morvran voorhis is a massive flirt. i will not be taking questions

i told myself i wouldn't work in my voorhis used to be a sex worker hc in this, but you know what he did and that's important to him!

the flirting is definitely an issue in relationships, especially with people who didn't know him before he was a commander.

i'm not saying he's two faced, he just has very distinct business and pleasure personas that he doesn't want to mix

he also sees relationships as fairly contractual. he gave those diplomats a little of ~this~ because it helped him succeed. somewhere along the way he began to enjoy the feelings of courting someone, but it was largely because he knows you're always better at work you enjoy.

ciri has called him out on it a few times... he was not happy

how dare you ask this man to be vulnerable he is a BOTTOM

but i honestly think that if there is someone he wants, he will make himself worthy of them. voorhis is nothing if not confident and determined, and i think those are more powerful than the massive daddy issues and praise kink

he really just puts in effort and concern to all aspects of a relationship

like dates? unreal

he always starts by going to the vegelbud estate, partly because he is desperate for his peers' approval and partly because he wants to see if this lucky person is a good match

he also knows all the places around the estate where wildflowers grow. i told you he's a romantic.

sex headcanon

i'm about to be incredibly gay on main oh good god jimmy don't read this please

ves is a dom and a top. acceptable titles include Sir, Master, or Lieutenant and you better fucking use them

ves definitely gets around. i mean, just look at her. the energy is immaculate and she knows what she's doing

overstim. just... one is not enough. shaking is not enough. begging is not enough. being completely fucked out and not even able to manage any words while sobbing? that might do. (with consent!)

not that ves doesn't love to hear some begging, she definitely does. it's just not going to motivate or demotivate her to do anything, she already has it all planned out

that plan includes hearing someone beg for her strap even as she's deep enough inside them they can feel it in their belly

good god i'm really exposing all my kinks

anyways let's keep it going!

she's an amazing rigger

not just in technique, she knows exactly when to be gentle versus firm and create art out of a body and some ropes

ves bites

just grabbing a handful of hair and tilting their head back so she can leave marks on their throat... mmhm yeah

i think she fucked geralt

like yeah you can have her fuck geralt in assassins of kings but i think she just did it anyway cause she was bored and smelled a bottom

he had a very good time

ves was eh

geralt's just far more submissive than ves's usual partners. i mean, she's used to handling 5 temerian guerillas. a singular witcher isn't even a challenge

surprisingly, she's quiet. spending 80% of her day within earshot of her father figure made this more of a necessity, but she can fashion an excellent gag for any parties who aren't worried about all of temeria hear them

[tuiccim]

Santi (Part 3)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Words: 4538

Warnings: Fluff, flirt, Smut

Summary: While the team is still gone on their mission, you (Santi) and Bucky get called on for your own. 

Santi Masterlist

You managed a few hours of sleep. When you wake up you see the knife dried with some of your blood on the nightstand. You slip on some shorts and take the knife with you to the kitchen, wash it, and then start making coffee.

"Good morning." You hear from behind. You turn to see Bucky in a tank and grey sweatpants looking rested.

"Good morning. How did you sleep after…?" You leave the question unfinished.

"Best I've slept in a while. A long while. Took a lot of effort to get out of bed." He smiles and your heart flip flops. He looks so content.

"I'm glad."

"What about you? You seem like you're still tired."

"I'm good. I've never really been able to sleep well." You shrug. Bucky notices his knife on the counter, picks it up and looks at it, then looks at you. You raise an eyebrow, "Thought you'd want it back."

"Yeah. It's my favorite." He twirls it in his hand.

"I figured. Being under your pillow and all." You smirk, "Boys and their toys."

"I stabbed you." You hear the sadness in his voice.

"Buck, it's fine. I'm fine. And that stays between us."

He looks at you but his face is still sad.

"Besides," you continue, "Nat's been telling me I needed a good stabbing lately. Course, I don't think that's exactly what she had in mind." You laugh darkly. 

Bucky's face is unreadable as you turn to pull two mugs down for coffee. When you turn back around you are blocked by a wall of Bucky. You look up into his stern face. "It was just a joke, Bucky. You can laugh."

"Why'd you pull away last night?"

You knew exactly what he meant but something in you wanted to be coy, "I didn't. What do you mean?"

"Fine. Why'd you pull up, then? Kissed my forehead."

You bit your lip, "I… you...I had just imbued you. It can be confusing. For everyone."

"I wasn't confused." Bucky was staring a hole through you and at that moment his eyes flickered to your mouth for just a moment. 

"But I was." You said quickly, "I wasn't sure if it was the emotional high or the fear from the nightmare. My empathic abilities have wreaked havoc in the past. I want to be sure a kiss is about me, not just the heat of the moment. And I...I couldn't tell."

"What about right now?" He says. Those blue eyes challenging you while still remaining soft. You could scarcely breathe. Bucky had moved closer and closer as you had talked. There was barely an inch between your bodies. His face hovered just above yours.

FRIDAY chimes in, "Agent Delarosa." 

You take a deep breath. "You're timing sucks, FRIDAY." Santi says, keeping eye contact with Bucky

"My apologies. Priority One communication."

Separating yourself from Bucky, you smooth your hair before saying, "On screen."

Maria Hill's image appears, "Agent Delarosa. Sergeant Barnes."

"Agent Hill." You say suspiciously, knowing only one reason could be behind a call from her. You had a grudging respect for Maria but the two of you had never been overly friendly.

Hill begins immediately, "A top priority mission has come up. We believe we've found a Hydra base containing operations intel. Security looks minor. The two of you should be able to clear it. I've sent the information to you. Good luck."

You glance back at Bucky who nods affirmation of acceptance. "Yeah, sure. We'll go. Sounds like fun." You say sarcastically to Hill. 

"Is there a problem, Agent?"

"Captain Rogers is gonna be pissed."

"Can't be helped. Check in. 36 hours"

"You got it, kid."

"Ag…"

"FRIDAY, Screen off." You cut Hill off. Doesn't hurt to remind her you have 20 years more experience occasionally. You turn to Bucky, grabbing him by the tank, you pull him flush against you. Looking up into his incredibly blue eyes you say, “Conversation to be continued?”

“Yeah, Doll.”

“Good. We've got a mission. Suit up. Quinjet, 20 minutes."

"You're kinda hot when you're all business." Bucky surprises you by saying. 

“Only kinda?” You say with a smirk before heading to your room to change. 

15 minutes later you board the quinjet. Bucky is already there and has begun preflight. You stow your gear and head towards the cockpit. Bucky looks up and gives you a slow once over. He’s not seen you in your tactical gear before which include a tight suit, boots, holster with guns at your hips and a selection of knives. You give a slow turn to ensure he gets a full view. 

“Do I pass muster, Sergeant Barnes?” You say with hands on hips.

Bucky’s eyes say it all but his gravelly voice is even more telling. “Definitely hot when you're all business."

You let out a small giggle. "Let's hit it."

Once in the air and the autopilot set, Bucky relaxes in his chair. You look over to find him staring at you. "Nervous?" You say.

He rolls his shoulders, "I'm…I'm not sure."

"I'm always a little nervous." You say looking at your tablet. "Hopefully, the intel is right. It doesn't look like more than half a dozen guards. The base is small." 

"Do you have a schematic?"

"Yeah. Looks like our best point of entry is to go through this side door. It leads to the center of the base and connects to the main corridors."

"What is the main target?"

"Computer system at the center of the base. Then a general sweep for any unknowns. We should be able to turn and burn. Probably beat the team back. Speaking of, I should call Steve. He's gonna flip."

Bucky gives you a look that clearly says better you than me. You dial Steve saying under your breath "Don't pick up, don't pick up, don't pick up." Bucky chuckles as Steve picks up on the third ring. 

"Hey, Santi."

"Hey, Steve. How's the mission going?"

"So far, so good. We are still on track to be home tomorrow. How is Bucky doing?"

"Hey Buck, Steve wants to know how you're doing." 

"Tell the punk I'm fine." Bucky grumbles good naturedly.

"He says he's fine, punk." You laugh.

"Sounds like the jerk." Steve says.

"Yeah, so, gotta call from Hill."

"What? Why?" You can hear Steve's mind go into overdrive 

"Quick mission. We are heading to grab some intel." You breeze.

"What!?!" Steve's voice is hard.

"I heard that all the way over here." Bucky smirks from the cockpit.

"Yeah, he's heartbroken that I'm taking your virginity on this one." You sass to Bucky and hear Steve practically choke through the phone. 

"Santi!" Steve says in his aggravated tone. "Why did you accept?"

"Oh, yeah, like there was a way to turn it down. Plus, Barnes is the one that accepted." You say.

"Me?" Bucky reacts.

"You nodded. It's all your fault" You call to Bucky before turning back to the phone, "He takes full responsibility, Steve. Steve?...Steve I can hear you pulling your hair out over the phone. Stop!"

"What's the mission?" Steve asks.

"Don't worry I'm taking it easy on the first timer over here." You say grinning.

Bucky pipes up, "Hardly my first mission, Santi."

"I'll be gentle with him, Steve. I know how hard the first time back in the saddle can be. I'll return him without a scratch." You give Bucky a shit eating grin while he shakes his head.

"Santi!" Steve's aggravated voice.

"Small base. Turn and burn. Intel sweep. No biggie. Chill. I got your boy. I'll check in tomorrow. Bye."

"Be safe." Steve grouses.

"You got it, Cap." Ending the call, you turn to Bucky. "That wasn't so bad."

"That mouth of yours." Bucky chuckles.

"What about it?" You say innocently.

Bucky looks at your smile for a minute before his eyes flicker up to yours. "It's gonna get you into some dangerous situations."

"Oh but it gets me out of so many. What can I say? I have a very limber tongue." You say with a knowing grin. 

"I look forward to testing that out." Bucky shifts in his chair. 

"Uncomfortable?" Your eyes linger on his thick thighs.

"Let's just say the space is getting a little tight in here."

You chuckle, "Well, as much as I would love to continue this conversation we best get back to work. We need to go over everything and agree on tactics."

"You got it, Doll." Bucky shifts again in his seat but turns his attention to the tablet you're holding. Two hours later you're in the back of the quinjet triple checking the supplies. Finding everything in order you head back to the cockpit. "How are we looking?" 

"Closing in." Bucky says.

"You've got the landing coordinates in?"

"Yes."

"Is stealth ready?"

Bucky eyes you, remaining silent.

"Sorry." You say taking a deep breath. "I start to get keyed up and tend to micromanage."

"It's cute, Doll. Everything's ready. Is it me making you nervous?"

"No." You say with a shake of your head.

"Because I know we've never worked together before."

"It's not that. It's just me. I'm always like this before a mission. I'll mellow out by the time we get there." You flash him a nervous smile while bouncing on the balls of your feet. Might as well let him see your quirks now. "You should have seen me the first time I was on mission with Clint and Natasha. They were like a well oiled machine together and here I am a bundle of nerves. I think Nat might have tied me to a chair if Clint hadn't been there. Nat will tell you the story at some point but she says before we got there it was like I'd never been on a mission before and it wasn't until after we landed she saw the seasoned vet come out." 

"Well, we're almost there. It’s a trek to the base once we set down."

"Everything's ready." You felt the quinjet adjust trajectory and knew it must be approaching the landing space. Bucky turns back to the controls and watches as the jet approaches a clearing in the heavily wooded area. As soon as you land you both begin securing the jet and then carefully step out onto the terrain. After ensuring the area is secure Bucky nods his head in the direction you need to move and you follow.

After a while you spot the base and make out the entrance you had indicated on the schematic. One guard stood sentry by the post. Looking over to Bucky you see him take aim at the guard with his sidearm but you hold up your hand with a slight shake of your head. Instead you take out a small taser disc he immediately recognizes. However, Bucky looks at you, shakes his head and motions with the firearm. You stare at each other for a minute. A battle of wills going on before you fling the disc at the camera over the door. The guard looks up surprised and Bucky takes his shot. Together, you carefully make your way to the door. 

"Thought we should get rid of the camera before the guard." You smile slyly at him.

"I was going to take them both out with one shot." He grins at you for just a moment. 

"Right." You say while rolling your eyes.

Bucky hauls the guard up and places his thumb on the door scanner. It flashes green allowing your entrance. Inside it's quiet and dim. You take the lead and slowly make your way down the hall. Nearing the main corridors you spot another camera and fling a second disc at it. You round the corner and find yourself suddenly flying through the air slamming your right shoulder into the opposite wall. You fall to the ground stunned. The behemoth that threw you looks down at you but suddenly drops as a bullet tears through his skull.

"Santi, are you alright?"

"Fuck. Are there any more coming?" You struggle to your feet.

"No. Are you alright?" Bucky says insistently. 

"My shoulders dislocated. I need you to put it back in place." You grimace as your arm dangles.

"Shit." Bucky eyes your arm. 

"I'll be fine. Just gotta get it back in." You grab one of your knives and bite down on the grip. Nodding to Bucky, he takes your arm and expertly snaps it into place. You internalize your scream as much as possible. After a few moments you take the knife from your mouth and put it back in place, breathing heavily. Bucky has one arm holding out his gun to protect you and another holding you steady as your breathing returns to normal. "Fuck, that hurts everytime."

"Shit, I'm sorry." Bucky says.

"It's fine. It'll be completely healed in another minute." Rolling your shoulder, you wince and grab your gun. "Two down. Let's go."

Bucky nods and takes point. You make quick work of the remaining guards but remain on alert. When you enter the center of the base you cross quickly to the computer bank and begin work. 

"Know what you're doing?" Bucky jokes.

"Vaffanculo." You smirk.

"The mouth on you." He laughs.

"This is gonna take a few." You murmur as you work through the intel. Bucky remains vigilant while examining the rest of the room. 

"Got it." You say pulling the thumb drive from the port. You click through the security feed to see if any threats or areas of interest pop up. "Bucky, there's something in storage. Off the southwest corridor." 

"Let's go." He says. Both moving quickly you head to the storage room and find it lined with boxes. Bucky breaks the first one open and you look inside.

"This is all Chitauri weapons and armor." 

"You sound disappointed." Bucky says.

"Would've preferred something interesting." You shrug.

"What should we do with it?" Bucky asks. 

"Destroy it." You say. "We'll hit the base from the quinjet. Take the whole thing out."

"You sure?" He says.

"Standard order for finds like this. We don't want it and we don't want anyone else to have it." You head out the door and Bucky follows. Back at the quinjet, Bucky fires everything up while you set coordinates for the base destruction. The quinjet lifts off and once you reach a fair distance you see the base become a ball of fire.

"Turn and burn." You say as you and Bucky watch it for a moment. Bucky sets the autopilot and you both sit back in the pilot chairs to relax for a few minutes. You turn to him, "Congrats on your first mission."

"How's the shoulder?" He asks.

"Did something happen to my shoulder?" You ask mockingly.

"You heal but it still hurts, huh?" Bucky looks over at you.

"Yup." You say quietly.

"Is there anything you can't heal?"

"Not that I've found yet. I've been shot, stabbed, poisoned. Even took a bullet to the heart and still healed." You shrug. "Never been shot in the head though. That might be the one thing that can end me. I don't know." 

"Let's not test it out." Bucky raises an eyebrow at you.

You laugh, "Not planning on it. I'm starving. You want some food?"

"Yeah. That'd be great."

You head to the back of the quinjet to rummage around for the protein bars and two plums you had thrown in your pack. Bucky smiled as you handed him two of the bars and a plum. 

"Sorry it's not a nicer dinner." You say as you take your seat again.

"It'll work for now. Maybe I can take you to a nicer dinner?" Bucky blushes a bit as he looks over at you.

"You asking me on a date?" You smile at him.

"Yeah, Doll. You accepting?"

"Yes, sir, Sergeant. I'd be delighted." You grin at him.

"Steve said the team will be back tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"How about the next day?" Bucky cocks an eyebrow.

"I like the way you think, Sargeant. Give time for everyone to debrief and settle." Good God, looking at the man was making you hot. You question if you've ever been as attracted to someone. Not jumping him was gonna be hard. Your tongue darts out to moisten your lips and you bite down on your lower lip as you look into his eyes.

"Doll, don't do that."

"What?" 

He just stares at your mouth for a minute.

You smile wickedly. "This?" You repeat the action and he groans."Why, Sergeant, are you having impure thoughts about me?"

"Doll, I've been having impure thoughts about you since I saw you bite into that plum when we first met."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Me, too."

"Really?"

Quickly, you maneuver yourself onto your knees in your seat and, leaning over the console, pull Bucky in for a kiss. Your mouths meld and tongues dance as fire rips through both of you. When you manage to pull away, you're both breathless for a minute. "Really, really." You whisper against his lips.

"That mouth of yours is gonna be the death of me."

You grin, "Don't worry I know mouth to mouth." You both chuckle as you pull together for another kiss. 

After a minute you pull away and sit back down with a stupid grin on your face. Looking at him you're a little scared of the feelings welling up in you and whether Bucky was feeling the same way. You had gone from 0 to 100 quickly. Was it too fast? The old temptation to slip into his mind and decipher his emotions was strong and you had to fight it. It wasn’t right. Not without his consent. It was a violation. You didn’t care when it came to the enemy, but it was a matter of trust when it came to friends. He was staring out the windshield as you sat there pondering and studying his profile. He is so beautiful. Take it as it comes, Santi, you remind yourself. 

“You gonna fall asleep on me? “ You joke. 

“I’m a little too worked up to sleep.” He says with a wink. 

“We have a little over an hour left til we’re back. I’m gonna try to get the mission report done if you have no objections.”

“Doing the paperwork for the mission? Nope, not gonna object at all.” He grins. 

You laugh, “You’ll still have to read and sign it.”

“No problem.”

You get to work and by the time the jet is descending Bucky has reviewed and signed off on the report. He jokingly comments on your omission of your shoulder dislocation and glowing description of his work. 

“I figured I’d make you look good since it was your first mission as an Avenger.” You smirk.

Once the jet lands, you grab your gear. Going over to the console on the wall, you insert the thumb drive and upload the intel that was gathered. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., call Maria Hill please.” You say. 

“Yes, Agent Delarosa.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. responds. 

“Hill.” Maria’s face is on screen. 

“Hey, kid!” You smirk.

“Agent Delarosa.” Maria deadpans.

“Intel is uploaded. Mission report is filed. That must be a record.” 

“Good work, Agent, Sergeant.” Hill nods at both of you. 

“Seriously? That’s all you got? Come on, Hill, you gave us 36 hours and we finished in less than a third of the time. Gimme a little love. You know you want to.” You sass Hill and despite herself you see a little smile form. 

“Maybe next time. If you stop referring to me as kid.” Maria sasses back. 

“You should have more respect for your elders, young lady.” You blow her a kiss and wink as you say, “F.R.I.D.A.Y., screen off.”

Bucky looks as if he is holding back laughter. You smile at him, “Okay. I’m ready to get out of this gear, have a shower, and find some real food. How about you?” 

“My shower or yours?” Bucky raises an eyebrow. 

“Nice try.” You smirk as you head to the elevator. 

“You’re breaking my heart, Doll.” Bucky smirks back. 

Forty-five minutes later you meet Bucky in the kitchen and together make a quick dinner. After eating, you both settle on the couch.

“Whatcha wanna watch?” You ask.

“Something funny?” He says.

You smile, “I was thinking the same thing. Have you ever seen Bad Boys? It’s a mix of comedy and action.”

“Sounds good to me.”

You start the movie and within minutes Bucky has grabbed you by the waist to pull you to him. You lean into him and curl your fingers around his metal ones. It feels so right and easy. Bucky seems to love the movie. He laughs and enjoys the action sequences. Occasionally, he murmurs a question in your ear about different references. You had to pause for a minute to explain to him about the show Cops and the song Bad Boys. He seems to appreciate your willingness to explain and patience. When the movie ends, you look over at Bucky to find him staring at you. 

“What?” You say smiling. He doesn’t answer but leans in for a kiss. You respond immediately. His lips are so soft and you lose yourself in the feel of them. He shifts closer to you and you feel his hand on your waist pulling you in. Your tongues seek each other almost desperately. Arching into him, he groans. When you finally separate moments later you are both breathless and staring into each other's eyes. 

Bucky is the first to speak, “You know you’re pretty amazing?”

“Yeah? You’re pretty amazing, too.” You press a soft kiss to his lips. Standing up, you hold your hand out to him and he follows you to the elevator. As you hit the button for your floor, you say, “The team will be back tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna have a sleepover on our last night alone?” You look at him feeling nervous and bite your lower lip. 

The elevator doors open and Bucky backs you into the hallway wall. “What did I tell you about biting your lip like that?”

“Do it whenever I want to get my way?” You smile at him. 

He kisses you. A hard stamp on the lips. “It’s, um, it’s been awhile since i’ve had a sleepover.”

“I’ll go easy on ya.” 

“Not too easy, Doll.”

You lead Bucky to your room and pull him in for a kiss as you back both of you to the bed. He brings his hands up to cup your face and pulls away to look into your eyes. "Are you sure, Doll?"

Wordlessly, you lift your arms up so he can easily remove your shirt. He tosses it to the side and pulls his own off. Gently, he lays you back on the bed and melds his mouth to yours. Your hands travel over his hard chest feeling the muscles ripple before making their way to his waist where you pull his body even closer to you. He groans into your mouth as he lifts you slightly to unfasten your bra and slip it off your arms. You lay back with your arms above your head as he stares down at you. 

"You're gorgeous, Doll. All of you." He says before lowering his head to take a nipple into his mouth. You suck in a breath as he lavishes attention on your breasts. 

"Ohhhh...Bucky," you whisper as he slowly moves his hands to the waistband of your leggings and pauses, "yes."

He pulls your leggings and panties off as you reach to undo his pants. Pushing his pants down his legs he is already hard and you’ve barely touched him. You put a hand to his chest and push him down onto the bed. You devour him with your eyes and slowly slide hands down to his cock. He hisses with jaw clenched when you touch him. Unable to resist, you wrap your lips around his head and swirl your tongue. His hands go to your hair as he urges you on. You take him as deep as you can and listen to his moans as you work your tongue against him. Wrapping one hand around his base to work him and using the other to palm his balls, you continue to work him. 

“Fuck, Doll. That mouth of yours.” Bucky groans as he gently pulls you away and devours your mouth with his. His hand trails down your body and he presses against your core feeling the slickness. “So wet for me already.” he says as he presses kisses along your neck. His fingers slide across your slick folds skimming your clit before moving down to press a finger into you. Your breath hitches and you whimper at the sensation. Encouraged, Bucky adds a second finger while using his thumb to press your clit. 

“Bucky.” You moan his name as his lips wrap around your nipple. 

“Doll, want inside you so bad.” Bucky says,, “Can’t wait.”

“Yes.” You say quickly.  Bucky removes his fingers and rolls himself on top of you with a searing kiss. You feel him line up with your entrance and then agonizingly slow he pushes in. 

“I thought your mouth was going to kill me, but you're so tight. So wet.” Bucky groans.

You slide your hands to his ass and press him forward encouraging him on. “Feels so good, Bucky.” 

Once he fully buries himself he stills for a moment pressing his forehead to yours. “You okay?”

“So fucking okay.” You wrap your legs around him and encourage him to move. He begins to slowly work himself in and out. Each thrust nearly takes your breath away. You feel the pleasure coiling inside of you. “Harder.” you whisper to Bucky and it’s as if he needed the permission to let go. His hips begin to slam into you. “Yes, yes.” You can’t stop the moans escaping your lips. Bucky’s fingers dig into your sides as he continues thrusting. 

“You’re so perfect, Doll. So fucking perfect. I’m so close.” Bucky groans into your ear as he fastens his lips to the side of your neck. His words propel you over the edge. Your body clenches around his cock and you cry out his name. His hips stutter as he reaches his own release with a moan. 

Bucky rolls to his side and pulls you to him pressing a kiss to your temple. 

“Was I gentle enough?” you tease. 

“No, I think you broke me.” He laughs. “That was uh, the first time in a while for me. I didn’t mean to be in such a hurry but you got me so worked up, Doll.”

“Hey.” You kiss him. “I didn’t mind. You got me all worked up, too.”

“How long before I can get you worked up again?” He asks, nuzzling your ear. 

“You just say the word, Sergeant.”

“Now.” 

“Thank God.” You push him up against the headboard and straddle him. He seals his mouth to yours. Feeling his already growing arousal against you, you know you're in for a long, satisfying night.

Part 4

[imaginationintowords]

Lost on You

Chapter 10

Peter Parker x Sister!Reader Steve Rogers x Reader Avenger x Reader; Hybrid Social Media AU

Series Masterlist

"Can we please talk?" Steve pleaded.

"Steve-"

"Please Y/n,"he begged, his voice cracking, "Five minutes and I'll be out of your hair, for good. I promise."

"Okay," I agree.

As he closes the door, I take a look at his appearance. He doesn't look so good, I mean physically he looks the same, because of the serum. But if you really knew Steve, like the way I do, you can tell he isn't. His eyes immediately give him a way, dark circles surrounding them. They don't look as bright as they used to.

I can't help but feel bad for him, it's a normal human reaction. Even though he hurt me, that doesn't mean all the love we had went away. It's still there, maybe it'll always be there, but whether or not I want to continue that love, I just don't know if I can.

Steve stays by the door, trying to give me some space.

"I know I've apologized countless of times, but I still just need to say how utterly sorry I am. I don't think I'll ever not be sorry for what I have done. I hurt you, when I have promised you countless of times that I would never. You expressed your fears of relationships, having been hurt in the past and I had promised I would never do that. Yet here I am, no better than them, because not only did I do it, I broke that promise and your trust. If I have to spend my whole life making it up to you, I will," he starts off.

"That won't be necessary," I interject, I give him a wave continue.

"I love you, Y/n. And what happened that night, should have never happened. I can't even give you a real answer as to why it happened, other than the fact that we weren't thinking.

No, let me rephrase that, I wasn't thinking. I don't know what came over me, because why would I do that? Not when I have you. Not when our relationship was at it's all time best. Why would I throw all of that away for cheap mindless sex," he pauses, noticing my wince at that.

I nod for him to continue.

"I've kept myself up the last two weeks questioning why did I do it. And I don't have an answer. I just don't. And that's not good enough. It isn't. Because if the shoe was on the other foot, which I know it never would have been, I wouldn't accept that answer as well. And you don't have to, accept it. Because it's cowardly," he clears the lump in his throat, trying to hold back.

"I so badly wish I can go back to two weeks and never do that again, but I can't and now we have to deal with the consequences of it all, and that's all on me," he breaks.

"I love you so much. And I fucking ruined that. I was going to ask you to marry me and I fucked that up," he cries out, falling to the floor, his hands on his face as he cries.

"Steve," I rush over to his side, rubbing his back soothingly.

"I know that doesn't change anything, because I still cheated," he says looking over at me, his eyes red.

"It doesn't," I confirm, feeling myself begin to cry.

This is it.

We both know that.

That this moment right now, is our last.

We stay there, looking at each other as we cry. Steve reaches for me and brings me into his arms, and we just hold each other as we cry.

"I am so sorry," he cries into my hair, his grip tight, afraid to let go.

"I know," I cry into his chest, "I know you are."

After god knows how long, we slowly pull our faces away, still holding on to one another, just to get a look at our faces. The crying is now just silent tears rolling down our faces.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I know," my throat hurts, "I love you too."

I did the only thing I could think of, I let my heart take control, and I slowly leaned up to meet his lips. You can feel the desperation and heartache behind the kiss. The kiss got a little more heated, both of us so desperate, knowing that we will never be this way with each other again.

Next thing I knew, we were both naked in my bed, Steve hovering over me.

"Are you sure?" he asks, making sure I was okay with it.

"Yes," I whisper, trying to take in every feature on his face.

The way he looks while we make love for the last time.

There's something incredibly sad about making love for the last time, knowing that it will be the last time. Most couples don't have that pleasure of knowing the last time they made love was their last, so they don't get to treasure it. Always hoping that they could've had one more night together, just to know that there was love there.

Here in this moment, there is love. I don't doubt that Steve didn't love me, I know it. The look in his eyes in this very moment say everything I needed to know about our relationship, and I hope mine do as well.

The sadness, the love, the regret, it's all there.

We try our best not to cry, but we can't help it. It's sad.

It's sad knowing that this great love is over. And not knowing if you'll ever find one like it again. Or even not knowing if you'll ever love again.

After we're done, we lay there, not in each other's arms. We remain quiet, seeing which one will be the first to say the final goodbye.

"Steve," I whisper so quietly, that if not for his super soldier hearing I don't think he would've been able to hear.

He looks over at me, tears rolling down his face. He nods his head, knowing what I'm thinking.

He slowly gets out of my bed and makes his way around the room getting his clothes on.

I don't dare look. I can't. If I do, I don't think I'll be able to let him leave.

"Thank-you for everything," he quietly says once dressed, opening the door, "Goodnight Y/n."

He quietly closes the door behind him as he leaves.

I close my eyes and let the tears fall, hoping the exhaustion of the day will consume me into a heavy sleep soon.

The next morning I'm woken up by FRIDAY letting me know that the team meeting starts in an hour. I thank her, my voice hoarse, don't know if it's because I just woke up or the aftermath of last night.

I quietly get dressed, and look around my room.

It's quiet. Peace.

It's lonely. I kinda like that.

It no longer feels like home.

I don't think I can stay here much longer.

Now that Steve and I are officially done, I think it's time I find some independence.

If the last two weeks have taught me anything is that, I need a little more independence.

I need a life outside of the Avengers.

A life where I don't work and live in the same building. Where I can escape.

Play music as loud as I want. Eat whatever the hell I want, and not worry if someone else has eaten it already.

Don't get me wrong I loved living here, I really did. I never had that college experience, we couldn't afford tuition and dorm living. Living here has let me experience the roommate life. But things are starting to get crowded. Everyone knows everything. You never have a chance to just breathe.

That's what I want, just a moment to breathe, without Sam and Bucky fighting over the tv remote. Without Tony dropping in in the middle of the night because he needs you in the lab ASAP, because he had a revelation in his sleep. I love Wanda, but sometimes you just need a break from even your best of friends. And now that Steve and I are officially over, how is dating going to be like for either of us. Not that that's going to happen anytime soon, but it's eventually going to happen, and I really don't want to see that with him, and him with I. It's just too complicated.

I have never been alone before. I've always had someone right there.

I think, no I know, it's time I be on my own. Doesn't mean I won't be an Avenger or work for Tony, it just means that I won't be living here with them.

And for the first time in the last two weeks, I feel content.

Free.

Like I can finally breathe.

That's how I know this is the right decision for me.

Summary: Y/N Parker is Peter’s older sister. She is ten years older than Peter, making her 26 years-old. She is also an Avenger, her powers are very similar to Wanda’s; telekinesis, mind reading, teleportation, and elemental bending. She has been an Avenger far longer than Peter, and like Peter her identity is kept a secret. As well as being an Avenger she works in the lab alongside Tony, she is a science genius. She has also been dating Steve Rogers for the past 3 years. Their relationship is as great as it can possibly be, that is until Steve does something that has Y/n questioning not only their entire relationship, but her place in the Avengers. It opens her eyes to how much of her life has revolved around Steve and work. Never really experiencing life like everyone else her age has.

Series tag list: @chaoticpete @eliza5616 @supraveng @faithtrustandrobbiekay @inquisitor-selvala @dumbbitch11 @im-not-an-armrest-im-short @jessyballet @reann-loves-sebstan @thelostallycat @castalette @lovely-geek @malfoyy123 @zombieninjadinostayssilent @welovecaptainamericaass @dontbetooobvious @stop-drop-and-drumroll @cvelarded @ophelias-heart​ @csigeoblue​

Permanent tag list[let me know if you want to be taken off]: @rosegolddivinity @definitelynotafangirl @1awesomeash @princess-evans-addict @geeksareunique @24kbratz @introvertatitsfinest @imagine-all-the-imagines @whatthefuckimbisexual @also-fangirlinsweden @the-queen-of-the-nerds

[god-save-the-keen]

Lorelai Gilmore, the best mom in the world, prompt list!

1. "Does he/she have a motorcycle? 'Cause if you're gonna throw your life away he'd better have a motorcycle!"

2. "There's plenty to do tonight that we can be mortified about tomorrow."

3. "So not only did you go to a cop-raided party, but you started the raid?" *Signing* "Then she proceeds to sing, 'Did You Ever Know That You're My Hero?'"

4. "I need caffeine. Whatever form you've got, I haven't had any all day. I'll drink it, shoot it, eat it, snort it, whatever form it's in, gimme."

5. "Seventy-five thousand dollars? Oh my God, that’s like 150 pairs of Jimmy Choos."

6. "There have been very few moments in my life where I have actually wished I had one of those enormous crème pies you can just smash in somebody's face. But this is definitely one of them."

7. "Don't let his family see you. Spiders are vindictive. And this was a really big spider. I think it had a gun."

8. "I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, where I was going, what I was doing and why I was doing. But lately, things seem hazier."

9. "It's all any of us wants, to find a nice person to hang out with until we drop dead. Not a lot to ask!"

10. "If it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, this would be the one."

11. "As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I'm totally flexible."

12. "My God, I hate her." "Me too." "You have no idea who I'm talking about." "Solidarity."

13. "I don't like problems. I avoid them when I can and I don't like people pointing them out to me."

14. "Everything in my life has something to do with coffee. I believe in a former life, I was coffee."

15. "When I think of blistering thirty-degree burns, I also think of my mother."

16. "976-BITE-ME."

17. "Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there’s no dancing, no walking, and we’d starve. It’d be all work and no play. Have you not seen The Shining, Mom?"

18. "I need coffee in an IV."

19. "It's Friday night, we should be out partying with the homies."

20. "You are full of hate and loathing and I gotta tell you, I love it!"

21. "It's very exciting, but so is eating a gallon of pudding."

22. "Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I’m looking for heroes."

23. "Coffee, please, and a shot of cynicism."

24. "My mother — she was here. I can feel it. Smell that? The room smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5."

25. "I'm going to go make out in the coat room. Don't eat my chicken."

26. "Get back in your pajamas, go to bed, eat nothing but gallons of ice cream and tons of pizza, don't take a shower or shave your legs or put on any kind of makeup at all and just sit in the dark and watch a really sad movie and have a good long cry and just wallow. You need to wallow."

27. "You have so many years of screw-ups ahead of you."

28. "I hate when I'm an idiot and don't know it. I like to be aware of my idiocy."

29. "I don't like ultimatums." "I don't like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around eventually."

30. "I'm the Oracle. I carry all the knowledge."

31. "Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish."

32. "I'm fine. I'm just being dramatic. It's what I do."

33. "You're very cruel." "Yes, it keeps me young."

34. "Sorry, I see we entered the no-humor zone."

35. "You should identify yourself when you answer the phone." "Sorry, Independence Inn. Major Disappointment speaking. Better?"

36. "Come here. You have some dirt on your forehead. I'm sorry. It's the sign of devil. My mistake."

37. "I love it when I talk and no one listens. Make me think like home."

38. "Repeat after me: I'm completely hopeless."

39. "You are drawing me into your druken world." "It's not a bad place to be, my friend."

40. "He/She's so sexy, smart, funny, and he/she likes coffee."

41. "It's from my mother." "What is it?" "It's heavy. Must be her hopes and dreams for me."

42. "Don't judge what you don't understand."

43. "Do you like coffee?" "Only with my oxygen."

44. "Cats came to my house today. Cause they know I'm a loser and I'm destinated to be alone."

45. "I had a dream about him/her the other night." "Really? Dirty?" "No... Absolutely not. And when you're 21 I'll tell you the real answer."

46. "I think you are acting a little immature." "I'm not acting."

47. "That Lothario there has wormed his way into my daughter's heart and mouth... And for that he must die."

48. "This is bad." "I know. I wish we had popcorn."

49. "You know what the worst part of it was? When you weren't there, part of me wasn't surprise."

50. "You are the man/woman I want to want."

51. "A mistake? A mistake? That is what you call it, a mistake?" "Well, I tried to call it 'Al', but it would only answer to 'mistake'"

52. "Don't you understand that I can't talk to you because it hurts? Don't you understand that?"

53. "It's too much food." "It's not. That's is what we been training for. This is our destiny. This is our finest hour."

54. "Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals." "Okay, you have got this so completely backwards."

55. *One phone on each ear* "Who are you talking to?" "My other two personalities."

56. "He/she kissed you and you say thank you?" "Yes!" "Well, that was very polite."

57. "Decaf." "Never."

58. "I don't think I ever really loved anyone until Name."

59. "I smell snow."

60. "Reality has absolutely no place in our world."

61. "No? No lecture about kissing a boy/girl?" "No. Why, did you do it wrong?"

62. "The drinks fortify us. The drinks give us strength. The drinks get us drunk."

63. "I'm a young, desirable woman/men." *Talking to two cats in the porch.*

64. "Really? You are gonna kiss me now? You are so incredibly predictable."

65. "You threw a frying pan at Name's head without me there? I hate you."

66. "I hate my life."

67. "I have no memory of this whatsoever."

68. "She's very aggressive today." "I think the passive part of her personality is playing hooky."

69. *Reading* "Man, she/he sure used a lot of exclamations points."

70. "I love that you have my eyes and my coffee addiction, my taste in music and movies."

Used them, shared, make a request, have fun with them! ❣️

[borathae]

~Chapter 28~ I'm sad bc the main story is gonna be over soon 😭

🖤 Best Friend - Saweetie ft. Doja Cat

Ok so this is a fun one. I don't even know what to quote, everything about this screams oc & Jimin's relationship. I can so see them hyping each other up like that. Esp. at a party when they both had a little too much to drink or when oc comes down to the strip club to support bestie Jimin.

🖤 Idle Town - Conan Gray

Just some small town vibes. "This town will never change, people come and go, it's all the same. Speed the roads on our doubting days to any place that's far away." And idk I just can see oc working at the diner, cleaning some tables, smiling to herself while this is playing. Like yes ofc she's sad most of her friends are leaving but at the same time she's so happy they are pursuing their dreams. And eventhough a lot of things are changing the comfort she gets from her hometown isn't. "Yeah, I think that we'll all be okay. The idle town will stay as it stays."

🖤 Forever Ago - Woodlock

This song represents what I think oc is currently feeling. Like how most people have this fear that their friend is gonna change and come back as a different person when they leave to pursue their dreams. Like I said I think she's obviously very happy for her friends but it's just a rational fear. And especially bc oc's friends mean everything to her. And you know how you realise how much someone really means to you as soon as they are gone for a while. And how it shows who your real friends are bc those ones will always check up on you no matter where you are. Like it actually shows the strength of a relationship. "Don't go changing, you mean everything to me. And hope, you shine a light that covers me. My love for you grows stronger when we are apart." Also you can project this song onto her friends leaving or jungkook being away. "We can build our own family. One day, we will but for now wait. So I'll share your time, for a time as you travel the seas. [...] And it's hard, I know, it dont feel right when we are apart but we will grow taller together. I'll be known by the strength of your heart. For my love for you grows stronger when we are apart. [...] It's hard to let you go chasing your dreams but I know you will return back to me. So I'll wait here with the love that sets me apart." I love this song so much, it's actually so comforting.

🖤 Coastal Love - HONNE

Tell me you don't see this playing while you see a split screen of oc & jungkook living their monday to friday life until they see each other again. Like you see them waking up, driving to work, working, everything in between being all busy and then laying in bed at night starring at the ceiling and then turning to one side facing each other but they are still in different beds. "I don't live in your part of the world, I know it's not ideal, oh but nothing is forever my girl. [...] I'm a believer, you may be far away but you're thinking the same. I close my eyes and I picture us together. I hope you know that I'll be waiting here for you my love. [...] 'Cause you're the real deal. You're worth every bit as much as you know. [...] I'll get there girl albeit it slow. [...] I'll be waiting here for you. [...] Oh and it might take all night but we're only one flight away from each other. I'm coming for you, hold on tight."

Holy shit omfg you even found songs for Chapter 28?? Can I like marry you?? 😍 I didn’t think you would actually find songs for this chapter, given how not many emotional shit happened in this chapter and yet here you are, coming through like an absolute diamond 😔💜

Best Friend - Saweetie ft. Doja Cat

OKAY NO JOKE WHENEVER I listen to this song I think of their friendship. Like this is 100% their song. I can clearly imagine it how they are hyping each other up and swinging their lil booties 😔 gosh seriously I love the fact that you served us some Jimin & OC appreciation. They have to be my favourite friendship I have ever written 😔💜 

Idle Town - Conan Gray

DON’T COME AT ME WITH THAT SCENARIO HOLY SHIT NOW I AM CRYING 😭😭😭 like I just imagined how the setting sun is shining into the diner, illuminating her face as she looks outside and watches Taehyung drive off. Her heart aches in her chest and yet she feels so incredibly excited for him. And then she lets out a sigh and reaches for the inner pocket of her jacket, pulling out the polaroid of Jungkook. A sad smile is on her face as she looks at him, “fuck Kook I miss you like crazy”, she’d whisper to herself as she drags her thumb over his face. 😔 I will now see myself out and cry on the grass ajsjs 

Forever Ago - Woodlock

I didn’t know this song before. Holy shit and reading your description whilst listening to the song just made me burst into tears. Do you know that feeling when you can feel your heart kind of clenching as if someone was squeezing it really tightly? I just had this feeling and now I am :( jfadjsfj hELP I DIDN’T THINK YOU’D HIT ME WITH SUCH FEELS OMFG 😭😭 this is so fucking perfect I am loving it and I can’t, I just can’t I am sobbing 😭😭 like I am seeing a driving montage. Either Kook, Jimin or Tae driving out of town, waving at the people they drive past and laughing freely while in their hearts they feel heavier and heavier the further they go. Like just them realising “holy shit I am leaving. This was my home and now I am leaving.” And as the town grows smaller and smaller in their rearview mirror, the moon replaces the sun on the sky and the song fades out... 

Coastal Love - HONNE

onoono omg I could imagine this so well HAHAHHA I AM LAUGHING IN PAIN 😔😔 anonie holy shit this is perfect I fucking love this ommgmfg 😭😭😭 I didn’t know this song before and goddamn it just fits this story so well 🥺 gosh now all I can think of is that montage hahahah it’s playing in my head right as we speak 😔

Thank you so much for your recs, seriously I didn’t think you’d come up with songs for this chapter so I am literally so grateful for those recs 🥺 I love you lots 🥺💜

[lihikainanea]

Sick!Bill who refuses to admit he's sick. He's miserable and stuffed up. He has a fever but insists "I'm not sick, kid, I'm fine." And Tiger, bless her, she's trying, she really is but Bill can be stubborn when he wants to be. Nothing is working. He's not cooperating so she decides to give Bill a taste of his own medicine. Snaps her fingers, tells him "Eyes up, bud." Gets real serious and assertive 'cause she's taking care of her big guy whether he likes it or not.

okay LISTEN. Maybe it’s because I seem to have come down with my second cold in two months (honestly, what the FUCK, body? We never get sick. It’s not something we do. And hey--HEY HEY HEY LEAKY EYEBALL--stop that too. SINUS STOP TICKLING ME I SWEAR TO GOD)

Anyway, look. I very, very much think that Bill is a total baby when he’s sick. Like, at the barest hint of a sniffle, he’s throwing himself across tiger’s lap and demanding to be taken care of because man colds, you know? They are deadly. And so much worse than the colds women get and tiger help I’m dying. She wants to roll her eyes but honestly, he takes such great care of her every damn day that when he’s whiny and sniffly and bemoaning his fate she just takes pity on him and very lovingly nurses him back to health.

So like, if he’s sick and he’s denying he’s sick? it’s gotta be for a reason. And I’m feeling sappy so let’s make it a soff reason. Maybe it’s something special--like tiger got a big promotion at work or it’s their friend anniversary or she got a big win somehow and he planned this lovely weekend away in the countryside, to celebrate. He’s been planning it for weeks, reserved an incredible room at a little country resort, made reservations at some of the top restaurants. But when that weekend rolls around, Friday night he starts feeling a little feverish. And he tries to hide it--sneaks off to the bathroom, takes some sinus meds, pops a ton of vitamins. Eats 8 dozen oranges. Goes to bed early. And tiger can feel a slight tremor in him as he hugs her to him, and she pulls away concerned.

“Are you....shivering?” she asks him.

“No,” he mutters petulantly.

“Yes you are,” she says, “Are you feeling okay?”

“Well I’m shivering now,” he grumbles, “Get back here. You’re warm.”

She lets him pull her back to his chest but she puts a hand on his forehead, checking his temperature.

“No, you’re warm,” she says, “Bill it feels like you’re running a fever.”

“It’s fine kid,” he mumbles into her neck, “Sleep.”

“Did you take something for it?”

“No, I didn’t take something for nothing,” he grumbles, “Tiger, sleep.”

She sighs but reaches a hand up to scratch lightly at his scalp, until he drifts off.

The next morning though--oh god, poor Bill. He’s trying so hard to hide it, but god he feels dreadful. Tiger’s first hint that he may be a little less than top shape was when she woke up and he was still deadass asleep, and not at all wrapped around her. In fact he had kicked most of the blanket off and was sprawled half on his back, his skin dewy and flushed. She heard him sniffle, then again, then a little louder as he groaned uncomfortably and rolled onto his side.

“Hey bud,” she said softly, “You alright?”

“Fine,” he croaked, and his voice was wrecked. She tried to pull him over onto his back so she could see his face, but he resisted.

“We should get going soon,” he rasped. Tiger quirked a brow.

“Sure,” she said with mock cheer, “How about my coffee first?”

And she poked him. It’s done purposely, just so she can get a look at him and confirm her suspicions. And poor Bill is still trying to fight it, so all he does is groan--a deep sigh, trying to move his aching body, sit upright with a head that feels like it weighs 800 pounds.

His feet land on the floor while his entire upper body is still laid out flat, and with a painful groan he tries to ooze the rest of the way out of bed but tiger stops him--puts a hand on his arm and rolls him over. And she cocks her head with a sad, sympathetic smile when she sees him--because his eyes are glassy and bloodshot, his brow is beaded with sweat, his cheeks are flushed, and his adorable nose is bright red. He sniffles a little.

“Oh bud,” she coos, “Not feeling too great, are you?”

“I’m fine,” he insists, but his nose is too stuffed up to say it properly.

“There’s no d in fine, Bill,” she teases, “Alright, let’s get you drugged up.”

“Good idea, it’ll make the drive easier,” he says as he goes to sit up, but tiger just pushes him back down.

“Oh no you don’t big guy,” she says, “We’re not going anywhere.”

“Yes we are,” he sits up again but he’s gently shoved back down, “We have a whole weekend planned.”

“Bill, buddy,” she says as she puts her hands on his cheeks, “You’re burning up. You’re in no shape for a weekend getaway. Stay here.”

And she gives him a warning look when he shifts, but he holds up his hands in surrender. She comes back a few minutes later with a cold cloth for his forehead, some meds for his plague, and a cup of tea for his throat. He pops the pills, settling back against the headboard and closing his eyes.

“I had it all planned out,” he whines, “I wanted you to have a great weekend. To celebrate.”

She smiles softly, threads her hand with his.

“I know bud,” she says, “And we’ll just postpone it to a weekend where you don’t look--and feel--like death warmed over.”

He whines pathetically, a real long one, before he pulls her back onto the bed and sprawls clumsily across her lap.