#and. of course. 🤦‍♂️.

[kalashnikovlobotomy]

(i hope you hope you'll never see me again...🎶)

[sejjiplinth]

gone insane over a ship from a thg prequel (wyatt x maysilee) that only has a smidge of content again (sejanus x marcus). don’t call don’t text i’m not available

[katyspersonal]

Every time you think Russian government can't fall even lower, they somehow manage to surprise you. Now they've blocked a goddamn DISCORD here, to the point it isn't possible to open even with a VPN. 🤦‍♂️

[clowningaroundmars]

fuuuuck why does getting a forklift cert require 7 million steps. i hate it here 🤧

[siofra-river]

Usps tracking is so bad

ID SURE HOPE ITS IN THE US

[crippled-peeper]

There's a poll about whether or not subtitles should be standard at movie theaters on anonymous polling or a poll a day I believe and of course a bunch of people with ADHD who aren't HOH or have auditory processing managed to make it all about them in the notes saying it'd be ableist bc subtitles are distracting 😐

that’s so annoying and so typical. subtitles might be a little distracting but without them people can’t even enjoy them at all. it’s not like captions take up half the screen or are flashing bright colors . they’re captions 🤦‍♂️

[kaiserposting]

My Worries Come in Phallic, Freudian Shapes

PAIRING: Michael Kaiser/Reader WORD COUNT: 2k TYPE: Established Relationship, It's basically just Kaiser tweaking for no reason 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ (I find it funny but interpretations may vary) WARNING(S): Kaiser's overactive imagination?

Kaiser would like to say he’s quite numb to being separated from you. Sometimes you come along with him at away games, if possible, but in other instances you have to be apart sometimes even for months, and Kaiser likes to think he manages it well.

You’re not on his mind much when he’s training or during a game. Mostly his times of weakness happen outside of that, though Kaiser doesn’t let it get to him. For example, he does this fun exercise where if his mind strays towards you too often or when he can sense the void in his chest is beginning to take on a suspicious shape, he holds out on texting or calling you for as long as possible. To test his will — which is something normal people do like all the time, of course — and because wanting to distract himself gives him extra neurotic energy to burn when he’s doing his exercises.

Not that Kaiser becomes neurotic over you or anything. It’s not even a big deal to him.

He’s sure you miss him more than he misses you. He’s confident you do. After all, to him, it’s no big deal, as previously stated. It’s true.

He doesn’t worry about small and nonsensical things like how you’d probably prefer a more present and available boyfriend, and how you’re free to do whatever you want with remarkable ease when you’re seas and oceans away from him.

Kaiser’s eye twitches while he continues shoving the last of his belongings back into his luggage, since he needs to pack for his flight back home. This train of thought isn’t going anywhere good — he needs to abandon it. Besides, a second with Michael Kaiser is worth way more than a month with some stupid, worthless commoner. Your shitty replacement for him will never rival the real deal.

No, this is stupid. You love him, you don’t have a replacement for him. Right? You wouldn’t betray him while he’s away. You’re his first and only love, you can’t do that to him, can you? You know he’d kill you if you did it and he found out, don’t you?

This is stupid. He wouldn’t kill you! Kaiser doesn’t want to kill you. He should stop thinking about this… You wouldn’t do it to him either anyway, you love him back. Kaiser knows you do, so why does it not feel real most of the time?

What if you’ve fallen out of love with him, though? Maybe you look forward to when he has to go away for long. Forget all about him the moment he’s out of your sight, don’t spare him a single thought, have fun with your little friends while he’s gone, all that.

You probably get together and you start shit-talking him with them the way people do about their good for nothing boyfriends sometimes. They call his haircut stupid and you cackle along with them, then you tell them how insecure and unlovable he really is, and actually his dad beat him as a child so now he’s barely human, how it makes him an arrogant and pretentious piece of trash pretender, and then you’re like ‘I wish I had a normal boyfriend instead of Michael’, and they’re all like ‘you deserve a normal boyfriend, this is fucked up’, and you’re empowered to free yourself of your burden. So he comes back home and you pick him up from the flight and you break the news to him that you’re leaving him and he has to move his belongings back to his place.

Maybe you have a new fling already, but it’s nothing serious because you still need to dump Kaiser and all. And he’s like in finances or something, an accountant maybe, who works normal hours (not the overachieving workaholic type who stays behind to do extra), and he probably doesn’t have footage of him having meltdowns on live TV for everyone to see. There are no interviews where he’s acting bitchy, no compilations of him acting cruel or ‘crashing out’ or whatever else. And he probably grew up in an average household — they weren’t rich or anything, but his parents made time for him. They were loving and nurtured him to be a rightful member of society, raising him to be someone worth your affection…

Holy shit does Kaiser feel unhinged. Literally why is he making up this entire story in his head? It never happened.

It didn’t, right? You wouldn’t do it to him, would you? You love him. You really, really, really love him, like from the bottom of your heart, somehow you love him and you don’t want to hurt him, even if you’re probably sick of him being away and of his problems and his attitude and his everything. If you had a magic wand, he wagers you’d wave it and change him on a neurochemical level, keep his looks and his successes, but get rid of the unnecessary baggage.

Or would you keep him as he is and love that ugly thing? Can you? Do you have it in you? Are you just tolerating him for some monetary benefits or out of pity with your knowledge of his past? Do you still love him? Will you love him a few hours from now or are you going to get bored? Are you bored and antsy waiting for him and is it affecting your feelings, suffocating your love to zero each moment he’s not by your side, each reunion only serving to put off the inevitable? Is the novelty wearing off? Do you need novelty?

Kaiser fights off the impulse to write you a text message threatening suicide and then turning off his phone until the end of the flight to keep you on your toes. A flashy move in attention seeking for sure, but for one you don’t even know he’s in a mind war with you, so you’re more likely to be confused than begging for him not to do it and for his forgiveness, though maybe it could earn him a reassurance of love and care. Regardless, Kaiser is not taking the chance because if you ignore him or don’t see the message it’ll just devastate him.

And also he kind of doesn’t want to act like that. Well, he does, but the rational part of him is also still awake and holding him back. You won’t appreciate that. Right now the strife he’s going through is completely imaginary, but if he goes and acts crazy outside the confines of his mind, he really might fuck everything up.

If he makes too many mistakes, you might fall out of love with him, and if you fall out of love with him, you’ll leave him. Kaiser thinks about what he’d do in that case. Without you he is nothing besides an unwanted waste of breath — you’re the sole person who got close enough to see beneath his nonsense and decide to tolerate it, attracted beyond frivolity for an enigmatic reason.

Maybe the perpetrator behind this strange limbo of weird hysteria is Kaiser’s low self-esteem. It always circles back to that and he is sick of it. He doesn’t understand why you subject yourself to him and here, a whole ordeal.

Whatever anymore. Kaiser doesn’t even care. It’s a pointless matter to lose his mind over. He knows you cherish him, and even if you didn’t, he’d get over it. Life moves on. There are other fish in the sea…

Actually, if you tried to leave him, Kaiser has so many things he would do, they’d earn him a restraining order. First he’d resort to begging and ugly crying, but he doubts it’d sway you. He’d need to be more extreme.

No, that’s silly. If you separated, he’d react to it like a normal person, right? He wouldn’t do a thing. He’d let you leave without any theatrics and move on. Right? It’s what he would do, Kaiser decides.

Or maybe he can get a leg up on you and catch you out when you begin losing interest in him and he can work to win you back over. You won’t even know what hit you. Yea, Kaiser will scheme to sweep you off your feet.

Not that he cares that much to put so much effort in… It’s just his strength and natural calling as an unbothered male manipulator.

___

After the packing and the waiting at the airport and all that, Kaiser survives a restless flight. He tried to read a book during it, but he turned out not to enjoy it whatsoever (catastrophe). Then he turned to Gesner, who was sitting next to him and seemed like he wanted to kill himself, and told him in detail about all the plot problems and why this was what made nonfiction superior.

To Gesner’s relief Kaiser also spent a good chunk of it trying to sleep, though the endeavor was useless. He closed his eyes and his pattern of anxious cyclical thinking continued and he failed to doze off. What do you think about accountants? Maybe your side piece wouldn’t have any tattoos because you secretly find his corny and you’ve sworn off tattooed men. ‘I mean, seriously, just put the eyeliner on like a real man.’ Kaiser would bet this is what you’re saying to your friends.

Anyway, again, his flight was spent stirring in ridiculous thoughts in that vein. If nothing else, actually, if you knew what was running through his head, that would be what would put you off of him. But you don’t. He needs to just… keep it to himself and it’ll be fine.

So you find each other after some stumbling and chaos and some vague text exchanges like ‘where are you?’, ‘At the airport obviously’, ‘you think you’re so funny’, and so on, and when you spot each other, you grin upon the sight of him (hard to fake such immediate happiness, Kaiser concludes) and spread your arms out for a hug.

Kaiser rolls his eyes. You’re so cute, he wants to squeeze you to death, but regardless he puts on a big show of what an inconvenience this is and gives you a stiff, nonchalant embrace. The way you hold him is a small reassurance. You’re still in public though, so he needs to play it cool for a bit longer, and he reluctantly peels himself away from you.

You interrogate him about his time away while he’s your passenger princess on the way home. Kaiser takes it as a good sign you’re still interested in his life at least enough to ask, as if there was a possibility he was going to come back and you just… wouldn’t give a fuck about him or what he’s been up to. He keeps his answers vague, trying not to let on the almost daily mental torment he’s been subjecting himself to just because his brain can’t stop making up stupid narratives.

Once you two arrive, and only when you’re inside, does Kaiser give into his desire for your affection. He wraps you up in a way tighter embrace without intention of letting go and peppers your face in kisses.

The first time he acted like that with you upon coming back, you were rightfully weirded out, but now you’re used to this whole routine and let him have his moment of rare forwardness.

“You know,” he says, “I missed you like, a little bit.”

“It’s hard to tell,” you say, sarcastic.

Kaiser ignores it. He bites your cheek. Not hard enough to hurt at all, but it’s a strange sensation.

“So gross.”

“I hope you weren’t doing anything stupid without me. I wouldn't want to miss out on any fun.”

“I wasn’t.”

“What do you think about accountants?”

You raise an eyebrow at the random question, but humor him anyway. “Can’t say I think anything in particular about them.”

“Is that so…”

For some reason, you find his tone to sound suspicious? There is a harder bite — your skin might be a bit irritated around there for a few minutes. You wonder if Kaiser was arguing with management or something somewhere abroad.

___

I just wrote this because I thought Kaiser having emotional impermanence (which is likely) would be hilarious I promise I'll write a more plot-oriented one shot soon again

[larluce]

Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU

Tagging @aceauthorcatqueen , @fallenxjas , @smileytrinity ,@lucifertookmyshoe , @an-entity-i-think , @thecornerofbelu , @griffonskies , @odinjm , @cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu , @thelady-mary , @bennedict , @nightninjaboy , @st8-of-grace , @star-rie , @error-username-not-available , @dogberryrowan , @jamieweasley13 , @tansyuduri , @tercais , @robynnemrys , @evadne01 , @serasvictoria02 The tag list is increasing! I'm crying 🤧. Again thank you so much for all the love. I've been sick in bed, all depressed cause I couldn't speak or sing (I'm a musical theater student) and reading your comments cheer me up ^^.

LINKS TO THE OTHER PARTS OF THIS AU HERE: PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5 , PART 6 , PART 7 , PART 8 , PART 9 , PART 10 , PART 11 , PART 12 , PART 13 , PART 14 (You're here) , PART 15

In "Remedy to Cure All Ills"

Arthur pacing around in his chambers after Morgana fell sick and he encountered Edwin.

Arthur: (thinking, trying to convince himself) She's evil, she's going to become evil, it's okay if she dies. She's evil, she's going to become evil, she must die. She's evil, she's going to- (Shouts and throws a lamp againts a wall, furious with himself)¡AAARRGH!(sinks in a couch an covers his face, thinking miserably) Why can't I let her die? I watched her take her last breath before my eyes before, damn it! This shouldn't hurt this much.

Merlin: (enters) Arthur?

Arthur: (sighs and takes his hands out of his face, exhausted) Don't you know how to knock?

Merlin: (with a comforting smile) You know I never do that. (gets close and puts himself infront of Arthur, bending down to be at his height) She's going to be alright, Arthur. She's strong. You'll see.

Arthur: (smiles back, but it doesn't reach his eyes) A man came to the castle this morning. He claims he can cure her. (thinking) Of course he can, he was the one who did this to her.

Merlin: (thinking, wary) Edwin... (says) How could he? Not even Gaius knows what's wrong with her.

Arthur: He says he has a remedy to cure all ills.

Merlin: That doesn't exist. It's impossible.

Arthur: I know that! But what other option do we have? Morgana is dying and we are farther from close to find a cure! We don't lose anything by trying (thinking) And we gain everything by doing it. Once he cures her I can kill him.

Merlin: (puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, hesitantly, but relaxes when Arthur doesn't reject the touch) You really love her a lot, don't you?

Arthur: (with unshed tears) We grow up together. She's like a sister to me. I can't let her die. (Thinking) Even when she doesn't share the same sentiment. I just can't.

Merlin: Wait till tomorrow. If she doesn't get better, you can fetch the man.

Arthur: I'm the prince, Merlin. You can't tell me what to do.

Merlin: But?

Arthur: It's too late the fetch the man now. I'll wait till tomorrow.

Merlin: (smiles) Wise as always, my lord.

Arthur: (caresses the hand on his shoulder, lovinly) Thank you, Merlin.

Merlin: (blushes, nervous) 😳 I... I didn't do anything.

Arthur: You did. (Looks at Merlin's eyes intendly) Thank you. (They stare a each other, faces inches from the other).

Merlin: (snaps out of it and moves away) I-I need to go 😅 (smiles nervously and walks backwards) Eh... Physician apprentice things to do- (collides whit the table and some things fall and he picks them up quickly) Sorry!

Arthur: (laughs softly) Don't stay awake late. Rest.

Merlin: Right... you too. I'll be back to dress you in a minute, so don't sleep until I get back! 😅 (Leaves, thinking) 'Don't sleep until I get back'? Really? 😳😖🤦‍♂️

Arthur: (Sighs, thinking) Sleep. If only I could.

It's rare the times Arthur has a good night of sleep. Nightmares or rather memories of the time Merlin was a tree always assault his mind. Specially the time Merlin was turned before his eyes and he couldn't do anything about it, too weak from his wound, too useless. It's better now that Merlin sleeps in the antechambers. He just has to open the door and watch him sleep there peacefully, human and alive, and his heart is at easy again. Now with Morgana at death's door there's no way he's going to catch any sleep at all.

Arthur: (whispers to himself) I still have time. Tomorrow. Just wait until tomorrow.

Time skip. For everyone's surprise, Morgana wakes in the morning all cured, like she has never been ill in the first place.

Uther: (happy and relieved) Morgana! (Goes to her) This is truly a miracle. I thought... I really thought...

Morgana: (smiles) Oh, you won't get rid of me that easily.

Arthur: We certainly won't. (Just as realived and happy, puts hand on her shoulder, unconsciously) I'm glad you're alright, Gana.

Morgana: (surprised he's showing affection to her again, but touched) Gana... You haven't called me like that since we were kids.

Arthur: (realising he put a hand on her shoulder and puts it away) Right. Sorry, I know you don't like it.

Morgana: (messing with him) Oh, you can call me like that if you want. If you let me call you... Art? Arthie?

Arthur: Don't you dare! (He threatens but then they both laugh and look at each other fondly)

Gaius: I still need to make a few tests to see if she is really out of danger, but for what I can see, she'll be fully recovered in no time, sire.

Uther: Of course. Thank you, Gaius.

Gaius: I don't consider this was exactly my doing (looks at Merlin significantly and Merlin makes himself small in his place). But I'm glad to be of service as always, your majesty. I'll prepare some concoctions to prevent any outbrake just in case. (Makes a bow and it's about to leave, but then turns to Merlin sternly) Merlin?

Merlin: (sighs) Coming (bows quickly and leaves with him)

Uther: (frowns, thinking) Is it my idea or did he vow in the direction of Arthur alone?

Arthur: (who saw all the exchange between mentor and ward) I'll go to inform everyone the good news. Morgana, father (smiles politely makes a bow to both of them and leaves too)

Morgana: (sighs, a little sad, thinking) And cold Arthur is back.

Time skip. In Gaius Tower. Gaius scolding Merlin.

Gaius: You used magic on the king's ward?! What were you thinking?!

Merlin: I was thinking that I didn't want her to die! She's my friend and she's very dear to Arthur-

Gaius: Arthur, Arthur. Is what all this is about isn't it? I know he's the prince and you care for him. But let me remind you, he's still the prince of a kingdom that bans magic. Do you have any idea of what would have happened to you if someone discovered you? if someone have seen you?

Merlin: (explodes) Yes I know! Of course I know! Every time a wake up, every time I breathe, I know I could be killed at any moment. I watch every pyre that is made fearing maybe I could be next. I watch every friendly face, knowing that if they knew, if they only knew, they'll see me like a monster. I have to look at Uther, the man that would have me executed, the murderer of all my kind, and I have to serve him and smile at him trying to no throw up every day. So yes I perfectly fucking know, Gaius!

Gaius: ...

Merlin: (with teary eyes and his voice breaks) But I can't stop doing it, I can't separate myself from it. And I tried, believe me I tried, but I can't. Magic is part of me, is who I am. So I'll use it however I see fit, whenever I can, because no one knows the risks of using magic in a kingdom that forbids my very existence better than I do!

Silence...

Gaius: You're right. I don't understand it. I will never understand it. Magic was never to me what it is to you. I'm sorry I didn't see it before.

Merlin: It's alright. I know you only worry about me.

Gaius: It's more than that. (puts both of his hands on Merlin's shoulders) Merlin, in this short time I've known you, you've become like a son to me. I can't bare to lose you.

Merlin: (smiles) You won't lose me. I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you.

Gaius: Then for the sake of this old man, stop doing these things behind my back.

Merlin: Only of you promise to help me rather than forbid me of doing things. I still need guidance, I still need you.

Gaius: Alright (he hugs him close and then pulls away). Lets start with how you cured Lady Morgana. I don't recall giving you any healing magic classes.

Merlin: I didn't have to, I just had to call this little one out of her ear. (pulls out a beetle from his pocket) I think it was what was making her sick. Do you know what it is?

Gaius: (alarmed) Don't touch it! (picks a jar and opens it) Put it here. Now! (Merlin does it and Gaius closes the jar) It's an Elanthia Beetle. They can be enchanted to enter the brain, feed on it until they devour the person's very soul. Thank the gods you managed to pull it out.

Merlin: (who already knew all this, but still has to play ignorant) So Morgana was echanted? By who?

Gaius: There are many sorcerers who wish to cause harm to the crown, my boy. But, whoever it is, once they find out their plan failed, they are going to try again.

Time skip. Merlin leaves Gaius tower with Morgana's concoctions and almost jumps out of his skin, when he sees Arthur is there at the door.

Merlin: (scared, but trying to disimulate, closing the door behind him) Arthur! How long have you been there?

Arthur: (who heard the whole conversation, very affected) I... I just arrived.

Merlin: (relieved, but concerned for Arthur's state) Arthur, are you alright? What is it? (with growing panic) Are you ill? Did something happen to Lady Morgana? Arthur, answer me!

Arthur: (hugs Merlin suddenly)

Merlin: (too stuned to say anything) ...

Arthur: (Pulls Merlin closer to him, thinking) 10 years. You suffered my father's reign and then I made you still live in fear for 10 years.

Merlin: (red and still very concerned) Not that I'm not enjoying this gesture, sire. But, please, say something. I'm going to freak out.

Arthur: (pulls away gently) Nothing's wrong, Merlin. It just... seemed like you needed it.

Merlin: (confused) ... right. (Thinking) He must still be sensitive about Morgana. (coughs, trying to hide his red face) I have to... ehm... give Morgana her concoctions so...

Arthur: (playfully) Are you blushing?

Merlin: No.

Arthur: Your ears are red.

Merlin: They are not!😡

Arthur: Yes, they are. It's hard not to notice. They're as big as your face.

Merlin: Not as big as your fat ass!

Arthur: Have you been staring? 😏

Merlin: (even more red) I...😳 stop wasting my time, get out of my way!😡

Arthur: That's no way to talk to your prince, Merlin.

Merlin: Fine (with exaggerated courtesy). Your highness, my lord, sire, would you make me the enormous honor to remove your royal, pompous, supercilious presence out of my way?

Arthur: (laughs, but steps aside)

Merlin: Thank you, my lord. I'll be forever in debt with you. (Bows in mockery and leaves)

Arthur: (thinking, as he watches him leave) You chose to save Morgana with your magic this time. You shouldn't have risk it. But thank you. You won't have to suffer for so long this time. I'll create I world where you feel safe, you won't have to hide and be scared anymore. I promise.

[kalashnikovlobotomy]

these are the three types of fanon america characterization i think

[harunayuuka2060]

*In the first years' groupchat*

Ace: @Ortho I don't see MC around. Are they with Idia-senpai?

Ortho: Yes!

Epel: Come on, Ace. They're a couple. Of course, they are always together.

Ace: 🙄 I'm asking because normally, I would see MC sparring with Silver-senpai.

Deuce: Now that you have mentioned it, Schoenheit-senpai and Hunt-senpai didn't see them either.

Deuce: They were looking for them to ask if they were interested in starring in a movie.

Epel: MC would surely say no. That would be too much for them.

Ace: True.

Ortho: I'm really sorry for that. Idia has a fever and MC is taking care of him.

Ace: ...

Deuce: ...

Epel: ...

Ace: Ortho~? 😏

Epel: 😏

Deuce: ...

Deuce: This is why Jack doesn't want to be active in this groupchat.

Ace: He can ghost us like Sebek and we don't give a damn. Right, @Epel?

Epel: 😎 Yeah.

Deuce: 🤦‍♂️

Ortho: So... Do you want to see them right now?

Ace: Yes, please! Thank you! 😘

Deuce: 🤮

*Ortho started a group video call.*

MC: *cuddling Idia*

Idia: I want to play games...

MC: You can't even touch your phone without dropping it.

Idia: I swear I'm not this clumsy.

MC: Hm...

MC: Idia? Is it okay if I tie your hair up?

Idia: Yeah. Do whatever.

MC: *puts his hair up in a messy bun*

*In the groupchat*

Ace: Screenshot that! SCREENSHOT THAT!

Epel: ASDFGHAKSKLAHSKALAJ

Deuce: QWERWETWUGEDKAHDJSJKSH

Ortho: Deuce?

Deuce: Sorry. I couldn't help myself.

Ace: See, Deuce? You'll be simping too.

Deuce: Shut up. 😑

Epel: XD

Ortho: 😊

Idia: Ugh... I hate this fever. I wish there was a quick fix to it.

Ortho: I heard that a kiss on the forehead works for someone who has a fever.

Idia: ...

Idia: Where did you get that data, Ortho?

Ortho: From somewhere. *giggles*

Idia: ...

Idia: What do you think, bestie?

MC: Well, there's no harm in trying.

Idia: Oh.

Idia: ...

MC: ...

MC: Oh, sorry. I was waiting for your permission. Is it good to do it right now?

Idia: ...

Idia: *exe. has stopped working*

Ortho: *sigh*

MC: Idia? Have you fainted?

*In Heartslabyul dorm*

Ace: *has printed the scene where MC put Idia's hair in a messy bun, framed it, and placed it on a wall*

Trey: ...

Cater: ...

Riddle: ...

Trey: *smiles* Ace?

Ace: Yes, Trey-senpai?

Trey: No pastries for you.

Ace: What?!

[that-girl-from-nicu]

Another (!) whatsapp thread. This time it's the morning after the night out.

Dr Robbys Sad Boi bitches 🐶

Mel: hi everyone! I was so happy to see you all last night! That place has great tea 😀😀😀😀

Trinity: bitch why are you so loud in TEXT. Fuck.

Robby: language, Santos

Trinity: sorry DrDaddy

Jack: DrDaddy? JFC what are you folk running there during the daylight, a fucking brothel?

Mel: daddy? But Robby doesn't have kids?

Robby: only you lot. All my unwanted stepkids.

You: simmer down. How's your head this morning Cassie?

Cassie: I made errors in judgement.

Samira: too many mojitos?

Cassie: nope. Well yes. But there's a strange man naked in my bed.

Victoria: curly hair?

Cassie: what? No?

Victoria: good 🤨

You: pics or it didn't happen

Whittaker: anyone know how to get Pinot out of a white shirt?

Trinity: just wear black dude. The clothes have repeatedly spoken and you're not listening.

Whittaker: it wasn't even my Pinot! I was drinking spritzers

Jack: of course you were 🤦‍♂️

You: you had an early night, Jacky boy. You left before eleven.

Robby: eleven? At night? How old ARE you, Jack?

Jack: how about you count the rings on my fucking stump and tell ME, Fruitcake.

Robby: stop right there. Only Myrna gets to call me that. It's a thing we've got.

You: that's only moderately concerning, but I'm glad you've found someone your own age 😘

Dana: he HAS seen her vagina.

Victoria: I heard bats came out lolz

Robby: HIPAA violations for days.

Samira: I can't walk right

Jack: you're welcome.

Samira: don't flatter yourself, I'm hungover.

Robby: and Jack's HUNG. Same/same.

Dana: and you'd know that how...?

Jack: because I can balance perfectly without one of my legs. Figure it out.

You: woof

Mel: you've got good balance then! Excellent vestibular system!

Trinity: he's talking about having a third leg, King. Wink wink.

Mel: oh my heavens.

-----

Michael rolled over to you in bed, weary eyed.

"Pitt crew are hectic. NICU could never!" You clutched at imaginary pearls

"Yep. My circus. My fucking monkeys", he rubbed his face with a slight laugh.

"I guess if they're you're stepkids, they're mine too?" You raised an eyebrow toward Michael.

"It would seem that way".

"Fuck". You both laughed.

[nquesoxlies]

https://x.com/buckleyist/status/1918084297086451853

4.5K likes on this

53k views. My question is: why tf is this still up?? No one has reported? Or Ole Musky doesn't give af??

It. is. a. television. show. Get the fuck over it or fucking leave social media if you can't be normal.

*checks age* of course 🤦‍♂️ she's feeling 22 and whimsical.

Reported on my end.

[spideysbruh]

liked by tchalamet, evilhag, and 1,828,292 others

y/n Sanctuary. November 25th

view all 99,287 comments

ynfan BROOO IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS EVER SINCE UT WAS ANNOUNCED THAT TIMMY WAS YOUR CO STAR

tchalamet still can't believe how beautiful that dress was. and of course how beautiful you looked in it 🫶

timmytimstan not him flirting in front of EVERYBODY omg

timmysgf replied or maybe they're just co stars trying to promote their film...

liked by y/n, florencepugh, and 3,292,988 others

tchalamet made a film with one of my favorite people. November 25th!!!!

view all 152,198 comments

timmyelio AHHH can't wait!!! looks so good and very romantic!

florencepugh I'll be squealing in the theatre watching you two light up the screen!

y/n and tchalamet liked

y/n posted an instagram story!

caption- "for our four month anniversary 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭"

y/n deleted a story.

ynsangel tweeted- ummmmm did yall see that?!?!?!?!

cinesyn replied- YES WHO IS SHE WITH OMGGGG

sanctuaryyn tweeted- the way that was def meant for her circle 😭😭

timmyandynstan replied- PLEASEEE we've all been there before though 🤦‍♂️

aesyn tweeted- if its timmy (it is come on now) four months means they got together way after shooting wrapped omg 🥺 they rly had that slow burn best friends to lovers arc omgggg

y/nl/n tweeted- vampire is so good!!! olivia rodrigo you have done it again🫶🫶

hopelesslyyn replied- girl we all saw that LMAOO

y/nl/n replied- saw what?

ynstanfirsthumansecond replied- PLEASEEEE

liked by y/n, tayrussell and 4,282,543 others

tchalamet chalamet and y/l/n

view all 227,198 comments

y/n I can't wait to see you at the premiere 🥺🥺 it's been a while 💔

tchalamet replied- just two more weeks 🩷

chalyn rly hard to distinguish what's just movie promo and what's him being a boyfriend

timmyt replied- ohhh you know they're f-

tchalamet just posted a story!

caption- pre-premiere hang 😌

liked by tchalamet, arianagrande and 893,879 others

y/n sanctuary out now!! I hope you all love it as much as I loved making it and the people we made it with.

view all 95,997 comments

timotheesangel- the way timothee held your dress as you walked 🥺🥺🥺 he's so bf

sanctuaryyn- the HAND PLACEMENTSSS between yall omg just say you're dating already

tchalamet just posted a story!

[pattdork]

Beatrice teaches Ava how to drive: Quick question, Ava. Imagine that Lilith and Camila are crossing the road, what do you hit?

Ava: Lilith, of course! I would never hurt Camila.

Beatrice 🤦‍♂️: The breaks. You should hit the breaks.

Mary from the backseat: I would also hit Lilith...

[aru-loves-krishnaxarjuna]

Mahabharata in Social Media

Part 1 –> Masterlist

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Family Group Chat!?

Is/can be very very VERY ooc

Dhritarashtra created a GC

Dhritarashtra added Duryodhana, Dushasana, Dushalana, Yuyutsu, +97 Kauravas

Dhritarashtra added Gandhari and Dushyala

Dhritarashtra added Bhishma, Vidura, Kripa and Drona

Dhritarashtra added Shakuni

Dhritarashtra added Kunti

Dhritarashtra added Yudhisthira

Dhritarashtra added Bhima

Dhritarashtra added Arjuna

Dhritarashtra added Nakula and Sahadeva

Family✨️❤️🤗

Duryodhana: This what?

Sahadeva: What's this?*

Duryodhana: Don't correct me, I know basic grammar 😡

Bhima: As if

Dhritarashtra: This is a group chat

Duryodhana: And why, Pitashree?

Dhritarashtra: So we could all talk and share our problems ☺️🥰

Nakula: Lmao

Arjuna: Nawwwhh—

Sahadeva: Lol

Bhishma: Great idea, Putra Dhritarashtra 😄

Yudhisthira: Yeah :)

Dushasana: As if we ever 'talk' 😔

Duryodhana: I would rather kill 😇

Bhima: I would rather smash your bones 🙂

Bhishma: Putra Bhima and Putra Duryodhana, ham sab ek parivar hai. Hum Kuruvanshi hai

Dushyala: Honestly... sad of you to think that, Pitamah 😐😔

Yudhisthira: Please don't say that, sister Dushyala, we are a family together. We should respect each other and talk properly with each other, that way we can lead Hastinapur together 😃

Dushalana: Kinda delusional 😐

Arjuna: Hush Bhrata Dushalan, Delulu is the solulu 🫠

Duryodhana: Wha–

Nakula: You won't understand, Bhrata Duryodhana 😂🤣

Arjuna is offline

Shakuni: Mere bacche, Yudhisthira ko sochne doh, woh hamesha apne dharmic bhram mei rehta hai

Bhishma: You're right, Putra Yudhisthira!

Duryodhana: Mera rajyatilak kab, Pitaji?

Nakula: Thankfully, not in this Yuga

Dushasana: Shut up, Nakula 🙄😒

Bhima: Jab tumhara rajyatilak hoga tab praja tumpar ande aur patthar phekke maregi 😇

Duryodhana: I will kill you, Bhima!! 😡

Dushasana: Your death soon, Bhrata Bhima 😚

Shakuni: Mere baccho, kabhi maun rehna bhi avashyak hota hai

Duryodhana: Mamashree, what? You were the one who planned it?? That you would mix poison in Bhima's food the next time?

Shakuni: MERE BACCHE DELETE THAT MESSAGE

Duryodhana: I definitely have a bigger brain that that

Bhima: WTF—!?

Nakula: 😎🍿... wow!

Vidura: HUH!?!

Kunti: 😨😰😱

Gandhari: Bhai, I didn't expect this 😶

Shakuni: This is just a misunderstanding, Didi 😅

Arjuna is back online

Arjuna has seen

Arjuna: Sup, what'd I miss?

Bhima: My murder plan is being discussed in front of everyone 😃😄😃

Arjuna: ...oh, everyday drama you mean?

Nakula: 💀💀💀💀

Sahadeva: 👻👻

Arjuna: Just this time caught in 4k 🤷‍♂️

Bhishma: 😰😰

Duryodhana: Koi na, there is always a next time, we can make another one 🥰

Dushasana: Yeah, exactly 🤗

Shakuni: I raised your brains better than this 🤦‍♂️

Bhishma: Mera Kuruvansh 😭😭😭

Dhritarashtra: ...I am blind 👨‍🦯‍➡️

Bhima: Of course you are 😑

Nakula: He is always blind to his 'priya putra's actions 🙄😒

Sahadeva: Damn straight 🫥

Yudhisthira: Why does everyone want to kill each other? 😶

Duryodhana: Don't worry, you're next 🤗

Bhishma: Duryodhana, apne vichar apne paas rakho, Putra

Dushasana: Arey, boodha bhairav, unke vichar unki marzi

Bhishma: Boodha Bhairav!?!?

Shakuni: Baccho, maun raho, woh Pitamah hai tumhare

Dushasana: What, Mamashree, you're the one who calls him boodha bhairav ●_●

Bhishma: Gandhara Raja, what!?!?–

Shakuni removed Dushasana from this group chat

Nakula added Dushasana to the group chat

Nakula: You can't remove the fun element from this group 😛

Yudhisthira: Nakula 😑

Nakula: Whaaat??

Duryodhana added Karna to the group chat

Duryodhana: Everyone, meet my priya mitra, Karna, again 🥰

Bhishma kicked Karna out of this group chat, damn

Duryodhana: WTF, excuse me!?

Bhishma: He isn't family

Arjuna: Lmfao

Arjuna: Even the notification that said Karna was kicked out said 'damn' ☠️

Bhima: Well deserved!

Duryodhana: As if this IS family 🤡

Nakula: Why did you attach a pic of yours at the end, Bhrata Duryodhana!? 😂😂

Duryodhana: Whatever 🙄

Arjuna: ...yeah, keep rolling those eyes. Maybe you will find a brain back there

Bhima: OOOHH—

Nakula: DAAAAMMNNN 💀💀💀

Sahadeva: Roasted, cooked, fried, burnt, served, ate 💀💥✨️

Duryodhana is offline

Yudhisthira: Arjuna!!

Arjuna: What, Jyesht...? 🥺🥺🥺 *all innocent*

Bhima: OOO HOHHOHOHO 🤣🤣🤣

Dushyala: ...honestly, deserved–

Dushasana: SISTER!?!?

Dushyala: Nawh I am in my Queenie Era 💅✨️👑👸🗿

Nakula: SLAAAAYYYY—

Sahadeva: I like this side of Dushyala

Yuyutsu: Both Bhrata Arjuna and Didi Dushyala are slaying today... from ALL ways 😭😂😂

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Twitter

@Duryodhana_the_best

@Duryodhana_the_best: Definitely a family @TheBestArcher_Karna 🥰

@TheBestArcher_Karna: Yes Mitra 🥰

@ThemostHandsome_Nakula: More like husband 🤫

@Mightiest_Bhima: How I wish you were born in his family and not yours 😔

@Devavrata_Bhishma.Kuru: I respect your sentiments, Putra Duryodhana, but NO.

@ChausarMaster_Shakuni: Rajmata Kunti has been silent for a while, hasn't she?

@Duryodhana_the_best: Mamashree what?

@ChausarMaster_Shakuni: Kuchh nahi, mere bacche

Trending:

#usualthingsinKuruvansh

#Duryodhanawtf

#lolDuryodhanaandKarna

#everythingiswrongwiththisgeneration

Got most of the reference and idea from @jiyaarererererere from Wattpad

[ticklewarrior56]

instead of writing about how much I hate kowalsmith …… how about I talk abt justin and ted. ok? ok.

so i along with like one other person have thought that justin and ted are kinda hard to connect romantically. and yeah. which is why i dont realllllyyyyy… view them that way? they are unrequited to me on justins part

basically my version of justed is ted viewing justin as just another guy who sucks up to him resulting in him finding him mildly entertaining (and also having the added benefit of free test answers) so he keeps him around and occasionally plays into his little jock fantasy to keep his prices free

justin is infatuated with not even ted just the fact that he’s the leader of the jocks and i feel like if justin really got to know ted he would not gaf about him at all 😭😭😭😭😭😭 they have this weird situationship to me.

ted eventually catches feelings while justin loses them over the course of time…… yaoi 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️