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beloved-daydreams · 11 months

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Folktober2023 Prompt: "Vampire! Cardan" 🧛‍♂️🩸

An attempt by

Hosted by @jurdannet and @jurdannetrevels

📘 2 900+ words

😎 Characters: Jude, Cardan

✒️ Tags: comfort, child Cardan meeting child Jude, blooming friendship

📢 Summary: A young vampire-fae is abandoned by his family and thus, having nowhere to go, he spends his days lying down on some hay and talking to cats. That is until a mortal girl finds him, takes him to her home and feeds him.

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The boy was lying down on a bed of hay in an empty stable, it had been abandoned so the child was using it as a refuge. It wasn't so bad, the child thought, he had a roof over his head and the cats and kittens would come to visit him from time to time. He was trying to avoid the thought that they were probably pets who had a home to go back to while he didn't. Surely their masters would wait for them before the sleeping hours in order to close the doors.

Cardan swept the thought away everytime it popped in his head. Especially since his lack of a home with a loving family wasn't his biggest problem. His biggest problem was the unquenchable thirst he had. No matter how much he drank from dead animals it was useless, and the boy didn't have the heart to drink the blood of the cats, his only occasional visitors. So he was left there, sometimes biting down on his own arm to drink his own blood. Which was stupid. If any other vampire saw him doing that, they'd note how pathetic and unbecoming it was of him. "How can this child possibly be from the royal bloodline?!" They'd say.

Whatever. Cardan didn't care because no one looked his way. Not his Father, not his Mother, not his siblings and certainly not any of the folk who assumed he was some bastard child of low rank if they happened to run into him. His run down clothes, his unorderly hair. It all looked as unroyal as it could. Absolutely no one ever guessed his identity, unless it was one of his unfortunate siblings who were so embarrassed to stand next to him that they'd either pretend to not notice him or throw mocking comments at his sorry state.

Cardan's days were full of nothing. No friends, no games, no food, no education let alone books. The boy could read but that ability was useless to him without anything to read. Days, weeks and months were mingling together. What day is it today? Who cares. All upcoming days will be the same anyways.

"...Hey?"

A voice from outside, a young girl probably around the same age as him. What is she here for? If it's to mock him then he'd better ignore her. Cardan stayed still, his face turned towards the inside of the stable. He was pretending to sleep. It was a poor attempt.

"Are you okay there? There’s no need to pretend, I can tell you’re awake."

Having a short fuse, Cardan wondered why he had even bothered trying to ignore the girl in the first place. He shifted on the hay, turning his body to face her, whoever she was. And what a surprise it was. A human girl was standing over him, he had never seen one so close, let alone interacted with any. All he knew is that she smelled delicious and he was starved. That could be bad.

Cardan frowned at the girl and made a dismissive gesture with his hand.

"Leave, you dunce. Haven't you been taught not to approach the fae?"

The girl gave him a look. She was utterly unimpressed with his attempt at making her leave. Looking at it closer, despite being human, the girl was well clothed, her hair must've been brushed a few hours ago and they were made up into little horns, although by now it was obvious that she had moved around way too much for the strands to stay in their place. She had a sword at her side and… a missing finger? No, only a part of it. But just as he had guessed by her voice, she must be 11 or 12, around the age when the girls are slightly taller than the boys.

"Soon, some goblins will be coming to camp around here, I would advise you to leave." The girl announced then paused. "...Unless you have no place to go to?"

Her tone wasn't mocking, yet Cardan felt annoyed anyway. Who does she think she is? He'll stay wherever he wants. Even if it can't be in a house, as a prince, the land of his father is also his, thus he can choose to stay wherever. Or so he'd like to convince himself.

"I do. This is my place. Now scram."

Feeling overwhelmed by the delicious smell coming off the girl, he turned away again as he was initially lying down. Only this time, he put his arm over his nose, trying to block the scent in vain.

There was a slight silence again, then the sound of the girl's footsteps carried away into the distance. "Good." Cardan thought, as he could breathe freely again. However, his relief was short-lived as the girl's loud footsteps came back, and before he could yell at her to leave, he felt a light impact near his back. As if something was thrown on the hay he was lying on. Cardan turned over to look at the object he expected to be something to mock him. A brush used on horses maybe? But no, it was merely an apple.

"Have that, I'm not hungry." The girl said.

Cardan didn't know what to do. Hate and mockery were easier to deal with than whatever this was. So instinctively, he turned to anger by default despite there being nothing to be angry at. Only a kind gesture.

"You dare look down on me, human? Take your pity back!"

He threw the apple back at the girl, only for her to catch it skillfully and throw it right back at him again.

"Of course not, I wouldn't dare to look down on a prince. I only wanted to share my food, for I believe you'd enjoy it, and I'd like your highness to enjoy a delicious apple."

Confused, the words barely registering, Cardan blinked.

"So you're aware of who I am?" He asked.

"I didn't at first. But as I thought of you on my walk back, I realized that the youngest prince is rumored to have black hair and a tail. It was only a guess, but I'm glad I was right."

The boy looked down at the apple again. So there was still someone in this world who acknowledged him as a prince. Who didn't doubt his legitimacy. Somehow, that felt good. His anger was cut short and he cleared his throat, trying to sound more collected now that the girl was aware of his title. Despite the title in question not having resulted in anything pleasant for the short 11 years the boy had lived so far.

"Very well, mortal. I accept your present."

The boy bit into it, savoring the sweet and fresh juice. He tried to savor it as much as he could while eating, but his thirst was making him eager, making the intervals between each bite shorter until there was nothing left to bite into. Cardan looked down sadly at what was left of the apple: the middle portion that would make him look pathetic if he ate it as well.

"As I thought it wasn't enough to quench my thirst."

The girl had been closely looking at him all the while the young vampire was devouring the apple.

"Then what would be good? Water?"

The boy suggestively looked at the girl. You. He thought. You would be enough.

"I need some blood from time to time but I haven't been able to get any lately."

"Would some of mine do? My name is Jude by the way."

The boy was shocked at the offer. Is this human just senseless? Offering herself to him like that. And her name's Jude. Her name infuriates him for no tangible reason, even making him confused at his illogical feelings.

"Don't be stupid. I could suck all the blood out of you right here, right now. Be thankful for my benevolence and leave."

The girl made a face, thinking.

"Would you like to come for dinner at my house today?"

If this little girl keeps talking, Cardan feels like he'll go insane. She's not making any sense, yet… and yet… he knows. He has heard of her. Two human daughters adopted by general Madoc. Cardan might not be any better than a rat right now, but rats are great at gathering intel. Folks will just say anything in front of you if they believe you have no importance.

"... Very well." Cardan stood up. "Bring me to your household, human."

Jude furrowed her brows as she wanted to be called by her name now that the boy knew what it was. Not "mortal" or "human". Nonetheless she brushed it off and led the boy away from the stable towards a faerie not too far off from them. Probably a nanny. Cardan notes that the servant's name is Tatterfell.

And as they silently make their way to the girl's house, the man Cardan assumes is the general is sharpening a blade outside. He stays away as the girl explains to her adoptive father who he is and why she has brought him here. Which is apparently because "he's the youngest prince and he needs a place for today" since the goblins that are setting camp will be coming near the place he was staying at. She doesn't say that the place in question was an abandoned stable, but by the way he looks and how Madoc looks at him, Cardan supposes no more explanation is necessary to get the picture.

There would be no advantages in taking him, but as Cardan mentally prepares himself to act proud and leave, Madoc accepts. The next thing he knows, he's getting bathed, brushed and dressed in new clothes, albeit with difficulty considering it has been a while since someone took care of him and he's throwing his temper at every awkward feeling and movement he feels over his head and body.

At dinner the oldest daughter doesn't show her face, only the twins and recently married parents are here. Oh, and the baby is supposedly asleep and fed somewhere. How lucky that he was born wanted and loved. Cardan thinks but pushes down. He's not sure how to act, how to talk, or if he should even attempt anything at all. He knows that everything they're doing for him, he won't be able to pay it back. A fresh apple? It could more or less easily be taken care of. But all of this? Absolutely not.

Cardan has nothing aside from his official title and he knows it.

After dinner, Jude insists on bringing him to her room despite the fact that a different room has been prepared for him for today. He lets himself be led there, as he knows that indulging in her whims is the least he can do right now.

She shows him her plushies, her books and her practice swords as if it's supposed to be interesting in any way. Cardan is much more interested in the books to be honest, and the plushies just seem like a waste of space on the bed to him. Since he has never had any, or if he did, he doesn't remember.

At first Cardan attempts to act stoic, but as the girl keeps talking, Cardan realizes how fun it is to listen, then to answer and be heard in turn. To have someone eagerly waiting for your comments and insights. It feels good to be seen and heard.

He keeps looking at himself in the mirror of her room, saving the sight of his fancy clothes in his brain. Remember well, this is always how you were supposed to be dressed. This is how you would have looked if you were smarter, useful. If you had more value for Father, maybe.

And as the time to go to sleep approaches, Jude stops him from leaving.

"Will you drink my blood now? Even if you're not hungry, you must still feel a bit thirsty, right?"

Cardan blinks.

"Are you not worried I'll drink all of it?"

The girl smiled, a cheeky smile. As if she's about to reveal the smartest trick ever.

"Well, earlier I was. But now that I've done all of this for you, your pride wouldn't allow it."

Of course. Bargains are big in Faerie. A human who has spent more than a few years here would obviously know. Still, the boy is confused.

"I don't get why you're so hung up on that. You do realize that I'll never be able to pay all of this back, right?"

The girl sits on her bed, taking the plush snake into her lap and petting it as if it's a real animal.

"Well… When I saw you there, then realized who you were, I didn't like it. It was wrong. So I figured that maybe I could try to make it right if you allowed me to, I'm glad you did. Seeing you like this is a proper payback in its own way."

The girl's hairstyle was unique. It’s quite funny: two small horns sticking out, yet at that moment, to the boy she looked like an angel.

"... You’re weird. In fact you’re not making any sense but-" The boy fiddled with his tail, trying to speak up in vain as his throat was getting tight from the thirst and the tears forming in his eyes. "Still, I understand. Then give me some of your blood, I promise to not overdo it."

The girl smiled and put the plushie away, almost as if she was inviting the boy to sit on her lap then drink her blood. I’m not a little kid. Cardan thought, instead sitting next to her on the bed. The truth is, the young vampire was very nervous. He had only drunk blood from dead or almost dead animals. It didn’t taste good, honestly, but at least it filled his stomach and satiated his thirst for a while. This would be the first time he would get to taste human blood from a young girl like him, he just knew her blood would taste good. Not only because of the common sense of: young and well-fed human equals delicious blood. But also because she just smelled good.

And she was waiting for him, not at all scared at the idea of getting bitten in the neck by a blood-sucking creature. Ironically, Cardan was the anxious one in this scenario. Excited at the idea of drinking great quality blood but feeling shy at how he’s about to feed off of someone else. Awkwardly, he tilted his face over her neck, getting closer then unsure on how to bite, where exactly to bite or how to place himself.

"You can hold onto me." The girl pulled his hands towards her in a friendly manner. "And I’m not scared of pain either, feel free to start anytime."

Jude. What a peculiar human. Drowning his worries in her scent, the boy finally bit onto her and she didn’t even cry out. Only a little flinch which seems amazing for a first time, Cardan thinks, not like he has ever bitten anything other than a dying animal though, so he can’t even pretend to know. But what he does know is that his nose wasn’t lying, this blood tastes like the finest meal he could ask for. He doesn’t want to stop which is worrying, however he relaxes remembering that he gave her his word just before biting her. He won��t overdo it. He’ll only take a fair amount.

And that’s what he does. Although he’d like to keep going beyond what he needs, as soon as he feels his thirst settling down, he pulls away. Then, realizing that he had subconsciously held her in his arms, he pulls away further, getting up from the bed.

"I didn’t realize. I hope that didn’t inconvenience you." Well, more than I have already inconvenienced you today with my bothersome presence.

Jude laughs.

"No worries. I can let you borrow one of my plushies for the night if you want?"

Cardan blushes at the childish offer and turns her down, once again failing to realize that they are still children and that it is perfectly fine to seek comfort in an object. The girl rolls her eyes at how profusely he turned her down, as if it was shameful to even offer.

"Okay prince. Then would you like to sleep in my arms?"

"Stop talking crazy. Your father will be furious, and the servants have already prepared another room anyway."

"But my room is better! The guest rooms are cold and empty."

How insulting. The boy had been sleeping in stables for years, surely nothing could be more cold and empty than that. He kept those thoughts to himself though, complaining and talking back so much towards your host is not a good look to have. Cardan sighs in defeat.

"Will it make you happy? If I slept in… Well, if I slept next to you." Too embarrassed to utter "In your arms" the boy changed his terms.

"Very." Jude said, not looking all that happy. Not as happy as Cardan hoped she would. She’s probably only taking pity on him. But at this point, even if it was pity, being taken care of does feel good and the boy can’t bring himself to end the charade.

So jumping under the covers, Jude pulls Cardan close and holds him dearly. The young vampire lets himself relax and for the first time since forever, his sleep is so peaceful that he dreams a good dream. Maybe getting himself a plushie wouldn’t be so bad after all.

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Instead of going with a "hot vampire Cardan" entry, I went with something cute and comforting. Though if I had to continue the AU, I’d say that once they become adults, it would be revealed that all of this was just a ploy from the beginning and Madoc was actually using Jude to get Cardan in his house as "another spare" besides Oak. But hey, let’s uh, not ruin the moment with that and stick to their wholesome friendship, right? 💖

Please consider leaving comments/tags to increase the amount of my smiles in a day! 💫

#the folk of the air #tfota #jurdan #jude x cardan #cardan greenbriar #jude duarte #the cruel prince #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #join the revel 👻🎃#fanfiction #jurdannetfolktober2023 #jurdannetrevels #jurdannet #beloved daydreams

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mothlegs · 10 months

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i am tired and cozy and in a good mood so i will talk about how i got all my books :)

tired cozy also gives me a bit of bravery so i am hugging all my mutuals. especially two specific ones because i see you doing badly but i am too shy to approach you directly so i hope you see this and magically know i am giving you the most caring hugs and i hope things are better soon

anyways books:) or well bookcase, not all reading books. im looking from my bed so i cant see all of them But

Sketch Books x2 (+1 smol ver)

i dont know how i got thes3 actually. maybe from tiger? i miss when tiger was t. uh. how do you spell that. tier..? ti'er?? idunno. the old name. i think these are all filled up, i think i got the first one when i was 10 :]

ANATOMY

This is a book full of naked people that i guess i accidentally stole. oops. i borrowed it from a now ex family friend who is insanely good at art, when i was like 12 or 13, and then it ended up on my floor and i ended up telling people he was kinda Weird(bad) about me (regret! made everything bad despite being true) so now we dont talk to him anymore so he cant get the book back. bah

Uhh a connect the dots magazine(?) my grandma gave me. dunnno when. i dont think ive touched it since :( sad cause i love connecting dots

I Am Looking From My Bed So Can't See What These Are x2 + Some loose papers

Fancy journal/sketch book/idk my mom bought for me in the big city :)!!

Undertale art book <333

I got it as a very late christmas present when i was 11 or 12 years old as well as some other undertale stuff and i literally started crying

I think this ones a diary i never really used that my mom got me and my grandma years ago. oop

Dear Evan Hansen !!!

i love this book. it is better than the musical. i love miguel and they had a perfect opportunity to put him in the movie but they didnt so i hope the movie goes to the movie version of hell

i got it when i was 14 i think? the week before it came i was actively suicidal in a "i feel a burning need inside me that is screaming at me to die" and that book might just be the only reason i didnt attempt then

Salmon Coloured Book From Tiger. cant see anything else about it and i have no memory of it

Skammeren's Datter

i think my grandma found this being given away for free at the library? one of my favourite books as a child my mom used to read it to me before bed when i was 11:)

Fængslende Tanker

book about intrusive thoughts my mom borrowed me at some point within the last 2 or 3 years

Tidsfangen

also my moms it is fiction i remember nothing about it oop

The Song of Achilles

i saw it on tumblr and liked it so got it as a gift at some point. i dont remember when, i still havent read it :(

Books my grandma got from a library giving them away x6

i havent read any of these:( also dont remember when i got them

Skammeren's Datter 1-2 & 3-4

the full series im p sure!! wanna reread themm

MAUS

i got it for my last birthday!! i havent gotten very far in reading but it is very good and i am learning and developing curiousities

The Unofficial Ghibli Cookbook

also for my last birthday!! havent made anything from it yet but it is really cool and i am so excited to make food from my favourite movies:))

Fever Series x3 (+1 in my nightstand)

currently rereading these, i havent read the 4th book tho

i found the first book at the library when i was pretty small, definitely less than 10, but i was too scared to read it. i think i gave up on reading it like 3 times but i kept thinking about it and eventually i read it and fell in looove. i love these books so much:D they are about everyone in sweden dying of fever except some kids:)

The Witch Boy

i first saw this book in sweden when i was 13 years old. it was in the basement of a game store, which is also the only store i have bought my own dice from. it also had a life size alien from the movies

i dont remember when i got the book myself though :( ive read some of it some years ago but dont think i finished it

More books my grandma got for free from the library x6

Wreck This Journal

my mom gave it to me when i was like 11 but i never really got to wrecking it u.u

Dreadnought

IT IS ABOUT A TRANS SUPERHERO :D her name is danny and i read some of it a summer in a tiny bedhouse (1 room building with 2 beds and nothing else. didnt even have a real door!!) at my aunties summerhouse (they are rich) i think i heard of it on tumblr. i love this book a lot but i havent finished it u.u

Extra Room No Books

d&d stuffs, some small toys and plushies, uuuh i see a small cardboard box but i dont remember whats inside:)

Shelf Below My Fancy Clothes

BNHA 1-17 i think?? also some Vigilantes, Black Butler 1+2, Bungou Stray Dogs 1, iii think thats it? i cant see it from here so idk

all of these were gifts from my grandma :)

"Nightstand" (chair thing i use as a nightstand)

First fever book

Killing Stalking 1+2 (bought at a comic store myself!! i was literally jumping around the store i was so excited to be there there was so much cool manga and there was stuff by neil gaiman!!! this is where bsd and the cookbook are from too)

The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy (given to me by a mutual actually :3 but like. mmmany years ago and i still havent read it >_o im sowey but i appreciate it a lot and i treasure it forever)

#mothicaws #mothyposting

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angelcupid · 2 years

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I miss primary school man…

#all my friends would play catching during recess and i always ate the same old nutella sandwiches #and once instead of the usual afternoon study sessions the teachers prepared a dance party for us :(#we danced to party rock anthem and nobody by wonder girls and baby by justin bieber…#omg and going home to watch totally spies or mr bean or kim possible or fairly odd parents :(((#and when i didnt give a shit about my appearance though i guess its better that i dont wear striped hand socks whhwhwhdhd #and the homework was SO easy i didnt study at all :/ not that i study that much now but political science is a lot harder than basic maths #omg and i was so obsessed with high school musical shehehdhd my friend gave me a sing a long pen of sharpay’s I’m fabulous it was v cunty #the boys in my class borrowed it and stood in some cultlike circle pressing and playing it which was also v cunty #anyways i miss being a child and reading 12 books a week #diana.mp3

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petite-ely · 3 years

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Afraid // JJ Maybank

Seven- Mommy Issues

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem routledge! reader

Warnings: mommy issues, mother abandonment, anger, maybe some mistakes, tell me if I missed anything

Description: y/n has always wanted answers about her mother, but the truth seems more harsh than what she had in mind.

A/n : hello, hello friends. Sorry for not updating sooner. I had absolutely no inspiration, lol. Anyways, hope you enjoyyyy! :) (also I know the gif is terrible quality but I really wanted to put this clip and I couldn’t find any cleaner option to make a gif)

Previously

Afraid Masterlist

Song recommendation

Gif made by me!

As a child, y/n never realized how her family was different than the others. A lot of kids on the cut had single parents, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Her mom had left when she was only three, to go pursue her dream job in Colorado. It wasn’t a bad thing in the girl’s eyes. It didn’t feel like she was missing out on anything.

As she blossomed into adolescence, y/n finally understood how unconventional her family was. She heard the other girls at her school talk about their mothers. About the cakes they made or the precious moments they spent together. Mother-daughter bonding moments. She had to admit it she felt jealous. Or maybe was it envious?

She had lived all her life without a mother to kiss her scraped knees or braid her hair before going to sleep. And she would have given anything to experience it, even for one single night.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her brother or her father, far from it, she adored them. They were both so precious to her. Still, she felt as if something was missing from her. Or more like someone.

She didn’t remember her mother, she was so young at the time, but she cherished the stories her father had told her. She fed her imagination on these stories. Making up fake memories where her mother was still there. In her heart it was all real. Reality was bitter compared to the sweet comfort of her imagination.

By the time she was 12, she’d heard the famous story enough to know it by heart, each word of the letter engraved into her head. She begged her father again and again. She wanted more stories, even the smallest anecdotes, she wanted to hear them all. Anything to improve the sketch, constantly redrawn, of the woman she didn’t remember. The woman she couldn’t really call a mother.

She knew the story by heart and yet it felt incomplete. She’d heard enough fairytales and read enough books to know when a story was complete. This one wasn’t.

And she was right.

A week after the twins’s 13th birthday, their dad gathered them around the kitchen table. He wanted to talk. It was very important. Y/n had to admit, this was quite strange, as her father was never the one to bring up important issues. In front of him was placed an envelope, yellowed with the years.

The girl knew this envelope all too well. Every scratch, every little bump, she could almost feel them on the tip of her fingers. It was her mother’s letter. This time, when he pulled out the folded pages, a third paper came out. The missing part.

Big John didn’t say anything, only slid the pearl white sheet to the twins. And though no words came out of his mouth, a million could be seen in his gaze. He wore an unfamiliar expression on his face. It was mix of sadness, fear and regrets. It was the expression of a man who only wanted to protect his children from being hurt.

The missing paper read as so:

“This is my dream, John.

And I know you might think there’s a way for us to fix this, but there isn’t. This time you can’t fix it.

When I got pregnant with the kids, I was so scared. And when I told you, I saw this glimmer in your eyes. This flame suddenly being lit inside of you. You were so excited to have your first child and it was twins! You seemed so happy. It was beautiful.

Then I thought that maybe we could do this, maybe I could be a mother. I had you, so everything would be fine. My friends kept talking about this amazing connection that felt with their babies when they were carrying them. But I never felt it with the twins.

And I thought that maybe once I held them in my arms I would finally feel it. That motherly connection. It never came. And I tried, John. I tried so hard. But I just can’t.

I do love them, I love them so much, but not the way you do. Not the way a parent loves their child It can’t do it, I’m sorry. I wasn’t meant to be a mother. Life is cruel that way sometimes.

If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that you were meant for this. I can see it in the way you look at them. You can do this, John. I know.

Be the parent I will never be able to be.”

Y/n’s curious eyes scanned the paper excitedly. Her face showed a variety of emotions in the span of a few minutes. First, excitement and joy, then, confusion and finally, anger. The tip of her ears burned red, her hand shaking beneath the table.

John B. placed the paper on the table, a loud sigh escaping his lips. Though, compared to his sister, he seemed relatively calm.

Y/n couldn’t contain it anymore. She stormed out of the house, her feet shoeless and her shoulders bare. She had no idea where she was going, but she ran.

It didn’t matter. As long as she was going somewhere. As long as she was moving and running, then she wouldn’t have to think. And if she was thinking, then her mind would take her to a bad place. She didn’t want to go there. So she ran.

The Routledges were never reputed to be angry people, much less violent. They were generally very calm, maybe a bit arrogant, but always composed. Of course, when a Routledge was after something, they would do anything in order to obtain it.

But y/n was one of the exception. She was the first Routledge woman in nearly 150 years. For generations, every Routledge man had sons, who had sons, who had sons until her father. He had a son and a daughter.

She wasn’t an angry person or mean in any way. On the contrary, she was kind and gentle. But compared to her brother and her dad, she felt emotions deeply.

And maybe it was her mother’s side and not the Routledge in her. It was so intense, sometimes. Almost blinding, at some moments. It was like the emotions took over her. It didn’t happen very often but it felt like she didn’t control her body anymore.

When she finally came back to her senses, y/n was standing on an empty beach. She hadn’t realized how far she’d gotten until she felt the warm sand under her feet. A cold breeze wrapped itself around her shoulders. She was so far from home. And so alone.

She walked to the ocean, letting her toes dip gently into the water. The water was cold but calming. Her anger slowly disappeared with each breath she took, until finally she could see everything clearly again.

Y/n turned away. She thought of going back home, when a wave of emotions hit her. She fell to the ground. It was like the air had been sucked out of her lungs.

Her chest burned, she felt like she had swallowed fire. Her shoulders shook and loud sobs escaped her lips. She dug her hands into the sand, trying to ground herself. It didn’t stop her tears from crashing onto her shirt.

A shadow appeared in front of her and she recognized its shape in a matter of seconds. It could only be one person.

“Are you hear to laugh at me?” She said through tears.

“No, not this time,” said John B. He sat down beside her, his eyes looking into hers. “Oh, y/n.” He wiped the tears off of her face

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “It’s just that, that,” he placed his arm around her shoulder, she took a deep breath. “Part of me always thought that she would come back.”

“That she’d come stay with us and finally be our mom. But she’s never coming back, ever,” her tone was almost accusing. “I lost so much time making up scenarios for her and she doesn’t even love us.”

“You know that’s not true,” reasoned John.

“Yeah, but it feels like it.”

“We don’t need her anyway,” stated the boy. “We’ve got dad, surfing, plenty of fish and well, each other. It’s not that bad is it?”

“No, you’re right.” She looked at him. “I just feel like I’m missing out on something. Like I’m,” she paused, looking for the right word, “incomplete.”

“I get it. If the roles were reversed and dad wasn’t there, I guess I would feel that way too,” confided her brother. “But don’t give her this much power. She doesn’t get to make you feel this way. You’re whole on your own, y/n/n.”

“Thank you, bird.” She slid her arm around his shoulder, letting her head rest on top of it. “You know, you can be an amazing brother sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“Hey, bird?” “Yeah?”

“How did you find me, anyway?”

“You always come here when you wanna be dramatic.”

“I do not!”

“You so do!”

And slowly, the imaginary memories fell apart and disappeared. Y/n didn’t need them anymore. She’d be better in the real world.

Taglist

@kaelyn-lobrutto24 @poguestyle17 @im-a-stranger-thing @lasnaro @thoughtsofthestars @briandaflores19 @lunaposey @allycat449-blog @ifilwtmfc @kitty084 @coloradogirl07 @ponyboys-sunsets @chaoticbisous @p0gue420 @sloaneemily @babygal-babygal @itsagurl @mendesmaybank

If you wanna be added or removed or if I forgot you, tell me and it’ll be modified!

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

Amoreena | Chapter sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Summary/Warnings: Amoreena meets Jo, Jo shares her experience with the foster homes (tw self-harm and child abuse), and Spencer shares his shitty childhood with her. They bond, he loves her more than he thought possible, his dreams of a big happy family are coming true.

word count: 4.8k

from the beginning <3

His phone is ringing at 7:50 and all he does is groan, forgetting Y/N’s agreement with Amoreena. His wife reached over his face and towards the phone, picking up with an overly cheerful tone for a pregnant woman who was up until 3 am.

“Hello sweet girl, how was your sleep?”

“Ugh,” she makes a weird face as the morning nausea kicks in and she tries to swallow it down. “Yeah? Oh, I’m so glad, dad and I are just waking up. We have another big surprise for you today… I know honey there’s always a lot going on, but this one is a good one I promise!”

“Can I go talk to her?” Spencer asks, “alone?”

“Dad’s going to come and see you while mommy has a shower, okay? I love you too, bye,” she smiles as she hangs up and passes the phone back to him.

They kiss quickly before separating, Spencer throws on the same clothes from the beach last night before heading down the hall towards Amoreena’s room. He knocks quietly before entering, seeing her sitting in a queen bed with 2 cats.

“Taylor let Olivia and Benjamin stay in here last night, she said they usually sleep in here anyway!” She was whispering, but it was still loud for her this early.

He sat on the edge of her bed and gave her a big hug, “how was your night?”

“Really amazing, Dad, Taylor is my best friend now,” she’s completely serious, “I hope mom’s not too upset about that, I guess we could share her…”

“That’s a nice thought, are you good at sharing?”

“I think so,” she nods with a serious face.

“Good, because there’s a new person who’s coming to live with us. She’s going to be kind of sad for a while and I’ll be spending a lot of time with her too,” he watches her face as she listens, confused but fine with it.

“Who is she?”

“Did your mom tell you how she made you?”

She nods, “she said sometimes people with penises donate sperm to help people have babies, and you were the one who donated for me,” she gives him a run down so seriously that it makes him laugh like the 7-year-old.

“Yeah, exactly, well I also helped 2 other families make babies,” he says softly, petting her hair as she understands what that means.

“So I have more siblings?”

“Yep, 2 sisters and a brother,” he smiles as she starts to bounce with excitement. “Josephine is 12, almost 13, and she’s coming to live with us.”

“Where is her mom?” She asks, he knew she would.

“Her mom and dad were in an accident, they died and she looked for me because she didn’t want to be alone anymore,” he knows it’s a hard topic, and that she understands death after losing her gg, but it’s still hard.

“Oh, that’s sad,” she frowns, moving in to hug him again, she keeps her head pressed to his shoulder. “I hope she’s okay, is she here now too?”

“She is, but I’m not sure if she’s awake yet, she’s a teenager and they sometimes sleep in longer than you would, like when Henry was over and slept until noon,” he has all his kids profiled in his minds and it’s actually more helpful than a hindrance.

“Does she like Taylor?”

He knew that one was coming too, “she’s a huge fan, she cried meeting her just like mom.”

“Is she going to call my mom her mom now?”

“I don’t think so, would that upset you?” He’s worried for the answer, he had the same jealous tendencies growing up. Hell, he still has them.

“No, she needs a mom, I would be very sad without mine, I know she needs one too,” she looked at him like it was a stupid question because of course, all kids need a mom and her mom happened to be the best.

“That’s really nice of you, she knows all about you and she’s really excited to move in with us, maybe you can help her decorate her room?” He isn’t sure what Jo will think, but he knows it would be good for bonding.

“Can we see if she’s awake? Wait, she’s a she right? Miss Kennedy said sometimes people look like girls but they don’t like to feel like girls, so we use they,” Amoreena was so worried about being a good sister he didn’t know why he worried so much.

“Well, I’m not sure, Jo hasn’t told me but you can ask?”

She shot right out of bed, still in her dress from last night as she ran to the door, “come on, what room is it?”

“Right there, knock nicely,” he says as he joins her in the hall, pointing to the room across from her.

She knocked 3 times, hearing a small ‘yeah?’ From the other side before opening it, “good morning!” Amoreena cheered.

“Amoreena!” Jo smiled as she got out of bed and ran over to her. She dropped to her knees so they’d be the same height and wrapped her up in her arms.

They hugged like this was a reunion and not an introduction, they held on to one another so tightly they both squeezed their eyes shut and held their breath. He knew that kind of hug, that was a hug you gave when you deeply loved the person you were hugging.

It made him want to cry, again.

Jo pulled back from her and Amoreena immediately held her face in her hands, observing her. “Yep, you’re my sister,” she smiled as she saw her nose.

That same perfect little button that was slightly angled towards the sky, she booped it lightly. Jo booped her right back.

“I am, it’s pretty cool getting to share a dad with you cause now I get to meet Taylor Swift, how the heck did we get so lucky?” Jo talks to her like she’s used to being around kids, finding the wonder in every word and saying the whole sentence with enthusiasm.

She turns to him, both his girls making the same face as they looked at him in the doorway, “how did you meet Taylor, dad?”

“You remember Uncle Dave? He came over for the barbecue and talked to poppy bob about winemaking all night?”

“Yeah, he’s Italian,” Amoreena remembered his funny accent and how she called him Mario.

“His daughter is Taylor’s friend, so Taylor sent me an email asking to meet you,” he couldn’t help but smile as she did.

“So you guys really are knights at the FBI, huh?”

“Yeah, but my armour got too rusty so now I’m going to guard the princess only, no more battles for me,” he was happy to make it magical, to turn the terribleness of it all into something she could be proud of.

He feels cold hands reaching under the back of his shirt then as he jumps, Y/N is wrapping her arms around him and pressing her cheek to his back, “your armour is fine, it just needs some polish.”

“They’re kinda gross, you’ll have to get used to that,” Amoreena says, pressing her lips together awkwardly as she looks at Jo.

“It’s nice though, it makes you feel like love is real,” Jo smiled back, “not many kids have happy families.”

“You do now, okay?” Amoreena took her cheeks in her hands again, something she must have learned from Y/N. “My family is your family and we are the best family, you’re going to have so much fun with us, can I help you decorate your room?”

Jo cried, laughing lightly as she nodded, “that would be cool, maybe we can get bunk beds for random sleepovers?”

Amoreena shot her eyes to her mom, “can we?”

“That would be cool,” Y/N agreed, “we’ll go to Ikea on Friday when I’m not working, okay?”

“And this weekend we can buy some paint for your room?” Spencer added, “you guys can plan all week together.”

“Yes!” Amoreena cheered, hugging Jo again.

Jo held her gently, resting her cheek against the top of Amoreena’s head with a small smile. She looked genuinely happy, peaceful like she belonged somewhere again.

Right then Amoreena’s eyes are darting right to him, “It’s fathers day!” She screams, way too loud for 8 am in someone else’s home. Thank god Taylor was on the other side of the mansion.

“Oh my god,” Amoreena smacked her forehead with her little hand, “I was so carried away with the wedding I didn’t pack your present, dad! I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve got you covered little miss,” Y/N smiled at her, “It’s in my purse!”

Amoreena pushed past them in the doorway and ran to their room in search of said purse. Probably emptying it out on the bed and making a huge mess, but it was fine.

Y/N took a moment to kiss his cheek, “good morning, happy father’s day.”

“Thank you,” he blushed, turning to face her and hold her close, “I can feel you staring Jo, come here.”

She comes skipping right over, wrapping her arms around them both and resting her head on Spencer’s side. For a 12-year-old she was tall, a lot taller than Henry was, that’s for sure.

“Hey!” Amoreena butts in, “let me in,” she pushed into the middle of the hug to steal all the warmth, “happy father’s day, dad.”

“Happy father’s day,” Jo added with a soft smile, “thank you for everything.”

“Yeah, you’re the best dad in the world, Jo you should see how he reads with his mind, he doesn’t even need to look at the books at bedtime,” Amoreena bragged, pulling back from all of them then.

Spencer wiped the tears from his face and pretended he wasn’t crying, overwhelmed by love just like he told Jo to expect. “I love you guys, I’m so glad I helped make you both, you’re the best kids a dad could ask for.”

“Here,” Amoreena hands him a wrapped present.

It’s a handmade book, blue construction paper bound with green ribbon in little loops and covered in a thin layer of tissue paper from the present he got her last week. He carefully removes the tissue and hands it back to her, “do you still want it for dresses?”

“Sure,” she takes it with a smile, “I wrote this for you after a dream I had, Miss Kennedy helped me write it all and reword it a bit. But it’s all from my brain.”

“Spencer’s little women,” he reads and then his heartbeat almost stops when he sees the bottom, “by Amoreena Reid.”

“We can go sit in the living room while you read it to us?” Y/N offered, taking the girl's hands and leading them all down the hallway.

Taylor’s house was full of floor-to-ceiling windows, allowing them to watch the sunrise over the ocean as they cuddled up on the couch as a family. Him and his little women.

“Once upon a time, there was a kingdom ruled by a beautiful princess who had a broken heart. She promised to hide away from the townspeople until she gathered all the pieces again,” Spencer read the first sentence and knew he wouldn’t be able to make it through the whole book.

“You know, I think it would be better if you read this to me Amoreena,” he asks her gently, “I want to know it from your voice first.”

“Okay,” she bounces up from where she cuddled into her mother to take the book from his hand, sitting straight as she got ready to read.

“Slowly, but surely, the pieces came back to her one by one as the people felt the need to search for her, they missed seeing her smile as she ruled alongside her parents, the king and queen until her heart was fixed.

A little girl, Lady Amoreena, arrived like a gift. A fairy godmother handing a small child to the princess to raise and love forever and ever, they were best friends more than anything.

But the princess’s baby girl made it her mission to fix the rest of her heart as she grew up seeing her mom frown, questing for princes and kings, even another princess to come and fill that last missing spot of her heart. To make their family love grew as the cracks from where they separated were healed.

She set off on her daily adventure, running off past the gates on the way to the willow tree, excited to see what wonders the pond of youth brought to her this time. Surprised to find a knight, his broken and rusty armour fallen on the ground, he was wrapped in weeds, he had been trapped for too long to remember.

Amoreena cut the vines off him with her sword, “you’re free now, sir knight.”

“How can I ever repay you?” The kind man with the same nose as her asked.

“Meet the princess, tell her about your battles, make her laugh and you can stay with us,” she gives him one final quest. His last ever duty.

The princess smiles as soon as they meet. He wins her over without even trying, he completes their family and makes all the cracks in her heart fuse back together. Gold light shines from her as she’s healed, completed by the love of a family she never knew she needed.

The love didn’t end there… the knight and the princess knew lady Amoreena would be like her mom when she grew up. The possibility of a sad and broken heart as she got older, so they made her 8 more siblings, her group of sisters to keep her company during the happily ever after part.

“Sir Spencer, where are all your little women?” The king of the land asked, seeing the knight and the princess all alone on the path, old and slow as they walked.

“Down by the pond, it’s story day!”

He knew that’s where they’d always be, at their pond with a book, braiding each other's hair, weaving flower crowns and chasing each other through the wildflowers that replaced the vines that once held him down.

Free, healed and happy. Spencer and his little women healed the princess, allowing her to take the role as Queen, like her grandma always wanted for her.”

“There isn’t a 'the end'?” Y/N’s voice questions lightly as Spencer cries too hard to even respond.

She was the most amazing child in the whole world and he didn’t know what he did to deserve her. He wrapped her up in his arms and held her so tight she was smacking his arm to let her go with a laugh, “I want to add more to it when I’m older, like GG’s book.”

“You can write one for all your sisters,” Y/N smiles at her softly, “you know, gg only wrote Amoreena because you came to her in a dream?”

She nodded, “that’s why I started writing this book for dad because I had a dream about him reading to all of us, he was so old it was funny.”

“How old?” He asks, remembering his reflection from his own dream.

“Like poppy, you had a white beard!”

“What did we talk about?” He doesn’t know why he wants to know so badly but he’s desperate to know if their dream was the same.

“It was story day, you and mom were late, but you said, ‘I’d never miss a Saturday with my little women,’” she smiles, “I’m so glad you’re my dad.”

She holds him back just as tight this time, snuggling into his chest as he breathes her in. His first little baby, even if she was the middle kid now, she was his baby, he couldn’t even imagine holding someone even smaller than her soon.

—

They take a quick trip to target in the morning, needing to get some things for Jo and Y/N really, really wanted chocolate-covered cranberries, making sure he knew that she would kill him if he didn’t bring them back to her. Finally having those pregnancy mood swings he was expecting.

Jo is quick to pick out some summer clothes and a bathing suit for the day as well as toiletries and anything else she wanted because Spencer said so. He was going to spoil her because he didn’t know what else to do. This is what he wanted from his dad, someone to see something, think of him and just get it to make him smile.

She saw some purple bedding that she liked, so it ended up in the cart. And then she needed some new pillow, and some fitted sheets… oh and those curtains are nice… and before they knew it they had $300 worth of things for her bedroom in the back of Y/N’s car.

Jo pressed her lips together awkwardly as they sat in the front seats of the car, he looked over at her and smiled, making her laugh, “this is the best father’s day.”

“I’m supposed to be getting you gifts today!”

“You are a gift, Jo,” he doesn’t mean to get sappy, but he can’t help the love he feels for her already.

“Drive before I cry, dude,” she turns to look out the window. “Are we going to have a 'ground rules and behaviour' speech like all the foster parents do? I have a feeling you have no idea what you’re doing.”

He starts the car then, pulling out of the lot and starting the 40-minute car ride back with her, “how do they normally set the rules in the foster homes?”

“They pay for my phone bill with the money provided for me each month and they sometimes get me the groceries I want for lunches and stuff but they mostly kept the money for themselves. I’m only allowed on the internet for an hour a day, homework has to be done in front of their eyes at the kitchen table, no food after 7 pm, lights off and no walking around by 9,” she gave the rundown and it made Spencer’s stomach turn.

“I will pay for your phone bill, you don't need to worry about that. We can even get you a new one when we get home. Y/N has great internet and every streaming service available, you don’t have a time limit here. Just promise me you’ll go outside sometimes?” He reaches a hand out to hold her’s while driving, letting her know he means what is coming next.

“I trust you have a way of life you’re used to, and I’m not going to change that on you, if you want to share things with me and be open and honest, I’m always here and I will never judge you. I don’t want you to ever feel like you need to hide things from me. And that being said, I trust you enough to use the internet safely, and not hack anything without good reason anymore?”

Derek was right, it’s surprisingly easy to be a dad. All you have to do is love them and be there for them.

“Okay, then I think you should know,” she takes a deep breath and a pause. “I’m pretty sure I like girls too, I never got to tell my mom that but I’m sure she knew, and I’m kind of scared to put my bathing suit on when I get home.”

“First of all, I’m proud of you,” he squeezes her hand 3 times, and she does it right back with a smile. “Secondly, why? Did you not get one you liked? I was fine buying any of them for you.”

“I have a lot of scars on my legs, and I don’t want to scare Amoreena,” she’s really ashamed of herself and Spencer understands it.

He rolls his sleeve up and extends his arm for her to see his very faded track marks, “I was drugged on a case once, I had an addiction after. The scars fade over time, but I also haven’t shown Amoreena my bare arms yet.”

“Mine are pretty faded now too, it’s been a few months, they look more like stretch marks,” she smiled at his honesty, feeling safer with him.

“If she asks, you can say it was from a cat at the foster home. She’ll think about Cinderella and the evil stepmother's cat, and then completely forget why she asked,” he assures her, knowing Amoreena like the back of his hand now.

“Lucifer,” Jo smiles, “I was like her as a kid too, always making up stories and finding new movies to be obsessed with. I have ADHD, by the way, but I’m un-medicated cause my last foster home didn’t listen to the school’s diagnosis,” she says it like it’s not a big deal.

His blood starts to boil at the thought of someone not taking care of her, “excuse me?”

“Yeah, and when I asked for a therapist they said no to that too, I was ‘fine’ apparently and they settled for a dead parents support group so that Colin could have a coffee while I sat there,” she’s oblivious to how terrible it is.

“Make me a list of all the things you want, I mean everything down to the most niche interest or therapy technique that you’ve researched and I will help you with whatever it is,” Spencer is furious at the conditioning she’s experienced to think this is okay.

“You don’t have to, dad, I’m okay now,” she lies and he can tell.

“You don’t have to be, believe me, I cry almost every night to Y/N about things I thought I had recovered from. If you want to talk to someone because you think it will help, or if you want medicine because you feel like it’ll help you focus better or just be happier, I’m here to help you get that.”

She goes quiet, staring at their hands where he’s still squeezing her palm. She rubs her thumb along the skin softly, “did your mom ever hurt you?”

“Only when she wasn’t really there in her own mind,” he presses his lips together right after, he’s never told anyone about it.

“Did your dad?”

“Emotionally, but he wasn’t there long enough to lay a hand on me.”

She nods at the response, “my dad was evil, I think he killed my mom in that ‘accident’, but on purpose.”

“I thought my dad was a murderer once too, but it was actually my dad’s friend,” he isn’t sure why he’s telling her everything, but she deserved to know.

“There was a pedophile in our town who killed this boy, Riley, and my mom told him about a man who was watching me like I was next. And Riley’s dad killed him, but I was so young my mind tried to think it was my dad who did it all.”

“Your old job must have really messed you up inside too, huh?” She tries to laugh it off, scared of his past but intrigued at the same time, he just nods at her observation.

“I have a friend, her name is Penelope, her parents died when she was a little bit older than you. She snuck out and they went to look for her, and they were in a car crash,” he makes sure she’s comfortable, her hand is still in his and her thumb is still moving over his skin.

“Like you, she got into hacking, the FBI had to hire her because she was so good she became a threat, you’d really like her,” he says, turning to look at her quickly, he loves the smile on her face.

“I’d love to meet her,” she smiled, “thank you, I wish you could have always been my dad.”

It breaks his heart a little, “well, you have me forever now.”

—

“Two questions,” Y/N’s voice approaches as she walks towards the trunk of her car.

Jo and Spencer are digging through all the shopping bags trying to find all the things that she needs for the afternoon, leaving the rest for the ride home.

“Here,” Spencer hands her the chocolate-covered cranberries, “king-sized bag.”

“I love you,” she smiles as she takes it, “the second question, how are the suitcases going to fit in there now? We have two kids to bring home, they’re going to be squished.”

“I don’t mind,” Jo smiles, “one time they didn’t have room for me in a car so I sat in the trunk for 15 minutes.”

Spencer wrapped her up in his arms, “every time you tell me a story about what has happened to you, I want to kill someone.”

She laughs, holding him back gently, “believe me, I was an asshole to them, they got what they deserved.”

“What did you do?” Y/N worries about what she’s capable of, Spencer can tell.

“I called the tax people and said they have been claiming foster kids as dependents and now they might have tax fraud charges coming their way,” she seemed very proud of herself. “I would never hurt someone, but I have no problem getting them in trouble.”

Y/N extended her fist, bumping it off Jo’s with a smile, “as you should! Now, come on, let’s go get ready for the beach.”

Jo skipped inside with Y/N, their arms linked as they did so. Spencer couldn’t believe this was his life now. He closed the trunk with a slam, picking up the bag of things he set aside before joining them inside.

“Surprise!!!!” Amoreena screamed as soon as he walked through the door.

There was a hand-drawn Happy Father’s Day banner hanging from the staircase and purple balloons all over the place.

“Happy father’s day!!!” They all cheered for him, even Taylor’s mom was there now, smiling at the display of affection.

Amoreena and Jo came running up to him, wrapping their arms around him and holding him close, nothing felt real. “Can you pinch me?” He asked them with a small smile.

He didn’t think they’d do it, but even Y/N walked over and started pinching him all over. Amoreena pinched his leg, Jo pinched his belly button and Y/N, she pinched his cute little butt as she pressed a kiss to his blushing cheek. “You’re very real, so are we.”

“I love you guys,” Spencer reminds them, holding them all as close as he can for just a moment, “okay, enough sappiness, let’s go to the beach!”

Amoreena and Y/N are already in their swimsuits under their sundresses, Jo, on the other hand, picked out some trunks and a tank-style swim top, hiding her scares just enough that she felt comfortable getting in the sand and building a castle with Amoreena.

Y/N laid on the towel beside Spencer in the shade, Taylor and her mom were playing scrabble on the picnic table, her dad was cooking up burgers on the grill. It was serene, it was perfect, they were a little family and it made absolutely no sense to him how it all worked out so well, but he wouldn’t change any of it.

“Look how big it is after lunch,” Y/N grabbed his attention, sticking her belly out as far as it could go, “I’m going to get so huge again, at least this time I’ll be the biggest when it’s cold out.”

“Are you comfortable? Do you need more sunscreen or water?” Spencer worried, making her smile as she pushed her sunglasses up and turned to him.

“I am fantastic, thank you, cutie.”

He leans in to kiss her gently, but she wraps her arms around him and pulls him down on top of her. Kissing him like she just rescued him from the sea and hasn’t seen him for years.

When he finally pulls away, he doesn’t go far. Just sitting up as he brushes her hair off her face, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she reminds him with another soft smile.

“I missed mother’s day with you by only a few days, but you should know you’re the best mother in the whole world,” he whispered, wanting to share his day with her because, without her, he wouldn’t be a father.

She pulls him into another kiss, hands resting on his cheeks as she breathes in deeply through her nose. It’s like she’s taking the soul out of his body, he's a part of her now forever and always. He never wants to be anywhere else.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

@k-k0129

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #amoreena

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eveningstar1516 · 3 years

Text

Rise of the Demon King ~ Epilogue

Rise of the Demon King

Fic: Multi Chapter Paring: MC x Everyone (Mostly Lucifer) Type: Angst with a Happy Ending Total Word Count: 26,758 TW: Major Character Death, Reader gets stabbed with a sword through their chest so..., Abusive Parents, Past Child Abuse, Demon Hunters, Loss of Control Summary: You’ve done it. You’ve finally done it. You’ve managed to anger the demon king. Now you hold your head high as he hands down your sentence. AO3 Portal: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065362 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A/N: I gotta Discord server guys! It's primarily Obey Me but other fandoms are welcome as well. It's kinda baby and dead so me and the other members are looking to revive it and we'd love for you to come join us. A roleplay area is included :) https://discord.gg/F3YEmDZCPS Please remember to read and accept the rules once you join for access to all the channels. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Previously:

I spent that night cuddled close to Lucifer. After I bathed, he tended to my injuries and wrapped my upper back where my top set of wings once were. We layed in bed together, Lucifer holding me protectively against him as we fell asleep to the sound of our heartbeats, beating in sync. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHAPTER 13 - Epilogue (3514 words)

“Mmm, Lu?” Gingerly, I opened my eyes. I had woken up to the feeling of someone nuzzling the side of my neck. Opening my eyes, I found that we had shifted into a spooning position in our sleep. His arms were wrapped around my waist and my hands were clasped over his. Lucifer was still asleep, holding on to me tightly. Carefully, I turned over to face him. His expression was relaxed. Sleep melted away any forehead creases making him look infinitely younger. His lips parted ever so slightly as his hair fell over his face, framing it just right. Carefully, as not to wake him, I lifted my hand to tuck some loose strands behind his ear and pecked him on the cheek. Being the notoriously light sleeper he is, Lu stirred at the movement. “Good morning Lu” “Mmm, good morning love” “Did you sleep well?” “Mhm.” Lucifer opened his eyes. The soft morning glow of the Devildom moon cast a soft light over him masking the demonic entity next to me in a celestial glow. His eyes were soft and docile, sleep still apparent. Not wanting to ruin the moment, but also not wanting to miss breakfast and see the rest of the brothers again, I started to shift away.

“Come on Lu, it’s time to get up.” “No. Just a little longer.” Lucifer immediately tightened his hold on me and buried his face into my chest. Letting out a small laugh, I brought my hand to his head and started stroking his hair. He sighed and leaned into my touch. “I’d love to stay in bed longer, but if we do that, Beel would eat everything.” Lucifer muttered something into my chest before pulling away and placing a kiss on my forehead. “We wouldn’t want that now would we? Come, let me change your dressings, then we’ll go.” It was then I remembered that I didn’t exactly have anything to wear. “Um, Lu? What am I supposed to wear?” Lucifer was already across the room getting the first aid supplies and a change of clothes out of the closet. He laid them out in front of me as I sat up. Spying the outfit, I realized it was my own, the one I would always wear when Lucifer and I spent our limited alone time. “Lu? Why do you have my clothes in your closet?” I asked with a raised eyebrow as he started removing my dressings and cleaning the wounds. A small blush appeared at my question. “It’ll be about 2 weeks before these fully heal.” “Lucifer, you’re avoiding my question.” “It will take you a little longer to learn how to fly with 2 pairs of wings instead of your usual 3.” I caught Lucifer’s hand in my own. He averted his gaze away from mine, his blush intensifying. “Lucifer.” “I-I couldn’t let you go. These reminded me of you, so I kept them. We still have most of your stuff in the catacombs. I just wanted these for myself.” When he finished, he was looking anywhere but my face. I held his hand and cupped a cheek with my other hand, gently turning him to face me. I leaned up and placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “You missed.” Lucifer looked at me with his signature smirk on his face. I put a finger on my cheek and tilted my head. “I did? Huh, that’s strange I never miss.” Leaning up, I placed a kiss on the opposite corner. “Now you’re just teasing me.” I giggled. “Yup. Now come on, we better get down there before Beel eats everything.” ~Dining Room~ Lucifer entered the room first, announcing that they had a visitor that would be staying with them. “Ooh, really? Yay! Another Spa mate!” Asmo clapped his hands excitedly. “Great, I don’t have time for another normie.” Levi went back to his switch not caring. Belphie was half awake and not really caring, giving the barest hint of acknowledgement. “Who are they?” Satan asked, putting his book down. “Well, we have met before. It would be quite awkward to have to introduce myself a second time.” I stepped around from behind Lucifer and looked to the brothers sitting at the dining table. Pin. Drop. Silence. A full second went by before I found myself under a pile of demons. “Y/N! You’re back!” “Y/N, I can’t believe this!” Asmo clung tightly to me, practically bawling his eyes out. Belphie was clinging to my other side with Beel wrapping his arms around both of us. Levi was hugging me from behind, pressing his cheek into my back. Satan waited by Lucifer for his turn while Mammon was still standing there in shock.

“G-guys! I missed you too but I still need to breathe!” “Alright everyone, Y/N is still sore from their fall. I know you’re all excited to have them back, but give them some room.” After Lucifer got his brothers off me, I went and gave Satan a tight hug. “Welcome home kitten.” “It’s good to be home.” After letting go of Satan, I made my way to Mammon. “It’s really you, ain’t it treasure?” “Come on Mammoney, who else would I be?” Mammon lowered himself to my level and tucked his head into the crook of my neck, holding on to me. “Ya dumb human.” “Not human anymore I’m afraid.” “That’s right! Darling, can we see your demon form please? I’m sure you look absolutely stunning!” “Not really much of a demonic form Asmo, but, well, you’ll see.” I stepped away from Mammon as the rest of the brothers backed up to give me some room. I rolled my shoulders feeling a swirl of magic surround me as I unfurled my wings and let my Nephalem form (A/N: That’s what I’m calling it. Don’t like it, too bad 🙃). I looked up at the shocked look on the brother's face. “You look stunning kitten.” “Your halo. It’s beautiful darling!” “You look just like him.” “I know Beel. I don’t know why my halo stayed. You guys can touch it, but Satan, I don’t know if you can yet.” “Y/N’s halo repels demons but doesn’t have an effect on beings that once held, or have traces of grace within them. Since you are born from me, you might have some trace, but we shouldn’t risk it. For now, just avoid touching it Satan.” “Will do, although I am curious. When the rest of you fell, your halo’s broke off and your uniforms changed completely, so why is it that Y/N’s outfit stayed Celestial, albeit with their colours, and they kept their halo, even if it is now a ring of black fire?” “I wish I knew Satan, although it might have something to do with my decision to willingly fall instead of being cast out by force.” Satan opened his mouth to say something but before he could, Beel’s stomach decided to make a guest appearance. “What, we stopped breakfast for this?” “Alright big boy, let’s eat, we can invite Dia and Barb and talk about this afterwards.” “Dad. What’s going on, and who's this?” I turned to the doorway where the voice came from. I looked as a young demon woman walked into the room. Her long black hair was braided down her shoulder. Serene coloured eyes looked me up and down. She wore a simple outfit consisting of dark blue denim tights with a white v-neck shirt, a black cropped jean jacket, and a pair of knee-high combat boots. “Who are you?” She asked again with her hands on her hip, eyes pinned on me.” I turned around to face the brothers. “Alright spill. Who’s the father?” I looked at the brothers with an equally pinning gaze as all eyes looked to Satan. “That would be me. Mezu, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is my daughter Mezu.” “You had a kid and didn’t tell me?!” “When could I have done that? We literally found out you were alive not 3 minutes ago. Mezu, Y/N here is an old friend of ours. They were the one that brought our family together and sacrificed themselves for us.” “Nice to meet you Mezu.” I stuck my hand out for her to take. She didn’t. “Why do you don and angels garb and halo with demonic features?” Mezu looked at me with her arms crossed, distrust evident across her features. “Mezu, you can trust them.” Lucifer came and put a hand on my shoulder. Mezu looked unconvinced and took one more look at me before reluctantly letting the subject drop. “If you say so. Although I still want to know why.” “I’ll explain that all after breakfast when Diavolo and Barbatos get here. I look forward to learning more about you too Mezu.”

~After Breakfast in the Common Area~

“So, I guess I should start.” “What happened after the execution?” Mezu asked. “Mezu!” “It’s fine Satan. I figured that’s where I should start anyway. After the execution, I woke up in some sort of pocket dimension. Lilith was there, she says hi by the way. She explained this dimension that she called the “Void”. It’s a place where souls that have no destination but don’t return to oblivion go to. She presented me with two options. She didn’t have enough power to resurrect me the way she did before, so she told me that she could either make me into a demon and return to the Devildom, or make me a Seraph and take me to the Celestial realm. I wanted to return badly, and I almost did but I didn’t want to return as a demon serving under Abandon. I chose to go to the Celestial realm. I woke up in the House of Honors wearing, according to Michael, Lucifer’s old uniform. Needless to say, he was not happy about that. After he gave me something to eat, we headed to the palace to see your father. It was there where we struck a deal. Neither of us wanted me to be there, but I also didn’t want to return and serve under Abandon. No offence” “None taken.” “He took an interest toward my knowledge of Lucifer's old habits and position. He struck a deal with me, one I would have also struck if he had not suggested it. I was to serve as Lucifer’s replacement, as head of the council of 7, until such a time that King Abandon steps down and Diavolo rises to the throne. During my time as the Council leader, I was to fulfill my duties as Lucifer would have, not abuse my power, and make decisions based on the best interest of the realm. The period of the agreement ended yesterday when Diavolo was crowned. I-” “Y/N?” I turned to look at Lucifer. “Diavolo wasn’t crowned yesterday. He’s been king for almost half a century now.” My eyes widened. “You mean to tell me. That I could have returned HALF A CENTURY AGO?! I should have done more than sock that bastard while I had the chance.” At the last part, half the room doubled over laughing. “You-you actually punched him, in the face?!” Satan asked, clutching his stomach. “Yup. In Front of the entire council, right before I jumped. You should have seen their faces but I could only do so much within the element of surprise before I made my dramatic exit. I would have done it sooner if I knew Dia had been crowned. I just didn’t want to risk falling while his dad was still in reign.” “Darling, have I ever mentioned how much I love you?” “Only every day since we met Azzy. Anyway, back to the story.” ~A Few Hours Later~ “And that’s when I woke up in Diavolo’s garden yesterday.” “It seems like the past millennia had been eventful for everyone.” Mezu commented once I had finished. “How was everyone's time here? I really want to know the story behind Satan’s love life and what the rest of you were up too.” “Well, the first few decades or so were quite difficult. It was hard to forget that you weren’t with us. Eventually though, we all grew closer through grieving you. Your death opened a familial bond between us. Something we had a hard time admitting existed while you were here.” Lucifer explained. “Don’t worry, we still haven’t changed. Mammon still ends up hanging from the ceiling, Satan spends all day reading and coming up with ways to prank Lucifer with Belphie, Asmo is still as narcissistic as ever, Beel keeps cleaning out the fridge, and I still spend my days in my room.” “Although, I noticed you have been starting to come out of it more often Leviathan.” Diavolo stated “Well, yes. I’ve been visiting the catacombs whenever I get the chance to add something to Y/N’s collection by their casket.” “Uhh, if my dead body is still down there, could we, like, get rid of it? It’s a little creepy to live in a house knowing your dead body is in the basement.” “We’ll clean that out and bring your stuff to your old room.” Satan said. “Alright. Ok then. Your turn.” “Me?” “Yes you. Come on Satan, spill. What is this love story of yours? I want to know more about Mezu and her mother.” Satan scratched the back of

his neck, looking lost in thought, a longing look in his eyes. I looked around the room and noticed that the occupants avoided my eyes, some looking towards Satan with a pitying look. Only Mezu looked at me. “My mother died 50 years ago.” “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” “Of course you didn’t. You angels don’t care for any demon or their relations. You all think your so high and mighty yet-” “Mezu, that’s enough! Y/N is not an angel, not anymore. I assure you, they care more than you think.” Lucifer starred his granddaughter niece down as she sat back down. A scowl still present on her face. “I’m sorry Mezu, I truly am. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. Please forgive me.” I smiled at her. She looked away, almost guiltily before Satan broke the silence. “Mezu was named after her mother. She was killed by an angel when Mezu was 25. She was beautiful and the only one who could cool my wrath after you passed.” “Were you happy with her? Like truly happy?” “Truly.” “That’s all I need to know.” I stood and hugged Satan. He returned it, resting his head above my heart.

~2 Years Later. At RAD~

It’s been 2 years since I returned. My wounds have healed and I found my place among the demons once again. Diavolo appointed me as an official member of the student council. I served as a secretary of sorts to Lucifer to allow for fewer sleepless nights and to make sure he didn’t bury himself in his work. Because of my status as a fallen, I was considered a noble and given the title “Avatar of Loyalty. The 8th of the 8” by Diavolo himself. I returned to RAD as a teacher on angel studies and a student in demonic politics. Lucifer and I became an official couple. During long night grading, I found myself chuckling at my students' interpretations of the Celestial Realm. I reminisced about my time with the council. Michael was probably glad to have finally gotten rid of me. Luke was promoted as Michael’s personal protegé. The rest of the angels were probably too busy to think about me though. Having finished marking, I went to go get Lucifer to turn in for the night.

~The next day~

“Dia, not to sound rude or anything, but why did you want us all to meet so early? RAD isn’t starting for another hour.” Diavolo sat in his head seat at the table as the rest of us sat in our usual spots. All of us displaying varying levels of consciousness. Belphegor having fallen back asleep as soon as he sat down. Diavolo had a beaming smile on his face as he spoke. Never a good sign... “We have some new exchange students joining us today. I want you to meet them all and show them around RAD. This is an opportunity for the rest of you to mend some old ties” “My Lord, what exactly are you getting at?” Lucifer asked tentatively. Diavolo’s smile only grew brighter, but before he could say anything, the doors to the council room burst open. “Y/N!” Looking up, I managed to catch a mop of reddish-orange hair before I was buried under a pile of bodies. After I finally wiggled my way out, I backed up towards Lucifer; his arm finding its way around my waist. Standing in the council room were the 7 Archangels, all donning RAD uniforms, all smiling sheepishly save for Michael who was standing off to the side with his arms crossed. Looking at the rest of the brothers, I found that Bell was now wide awake as the rest of them looked a tad bit uncomfortable. Lucifer had a displeased frown. “What are you guys doing here?” “It was Father's idea to have us participate in this program. He thought it best to-” “Don’t kid yourself Michael. We volunteered to come. We missed you Y/N. Especially Michael. He wouldn’t stop talking about you after you left. Things weren’t the same after you fell. He also really wanted to see Lucifer again.” Raphael cut Michael off mid-sentence. Looking around, the brothers each had a murderous look in their eyes. “Ok, first off, you volunteered, I got dragged into this. Second, I did not miss Y/N and I did not talk about them after they left. If anything, I was glad that they were gone, especially after that little stunt they pulled before they jumped. You didn’t think I’d forget that Y/N, did you?” I loosened myself from Lucifer's grip and made my way over to the angels, giving them each a hug in turn. “Aww, I missed you guys too. Mike. What did I say about your pride? Honestly, for someone who used to adore the Virtue of Humility and claims to hate the Avatar of Pride, you really seem to take after his sin. Besides, you didn’t deny wanting to see Lu again.” The occupants in the room started snickering as Michael’s face started turning a lovely shade of beet red. Lucifer looked taken aback at the revelation but lightly chuckled into his fist as well. “I’d be careful Mike. You wouldn’t want to lose that angelic status of yours for something as childish as misplaced pride.” Lucifer said with a smirk on his face. Michael started stuttering, trying to defend himself. “I-I didn’t! I-I don’t have any Pride I swear! Besides-” “Alright, alright. That’s enough.” Gabriel stepped in to save Michael from any more embarrassment. “It’s true, we did miss you and saw the exchange program as an opportunity to see you again. That’s why we volunteered to come.” Gabriel stopped in front of me and hugged me, much gentler than before. “We really did miss you Y/N. Things up there were too quiet without you.” “Oi! Hands off Y/N!” Mammon jumped up from his chair and pushed Gabriel away from me. Levi had shifted into his demonic form and wrapped his tail around my waist. “Y/N Belongs to us, not you normies.” “NORMIES?! I’m hurt that you think of us like that Leviachan. It is nice to know that you still kept your love for the Japanese animation even after you left.” Azrael said as he turned to look at Levi. A hand on his chest and a look of faux hurt in his eyes. This time, it was Levi’s turn to turn beet red. His self conscious not being able to take the attention. I was pulled away from Levi by Lucifer who placed a quick kiss on the top of my head. A prideful smirk on his face as he addressed the angels.

“Now then, there is no need to fight over this. Y/N belongs to me. Isn’t that right my love?” One cannot describe the look of utter hurt, shock, betrayal, and jealousy that overtook the features of everyone present in the room at Lucifer’s bold statement. My own expression being that of shock before all bloody hell broke loose. Everyone started arguing over who I belonged to and who I loved the most. I stood there trying to calm everyone down but alas, my voice was never heard over the shouting. “It seems the exchange program is becoming quite the success, isn’t it Barbatos?” “Indeed My Lord, although perhaps we should put a stop to this before someone loses control?” “No need Barb. Let them talk among themselves. I know, how about some tea while we wait?” “Of course My Lord.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And there we go. It's done! Thank you to everyone who stuck through reading this until the end. Thank you to everyone who left comments and Likes.

For those who are wondering about the candle and magical energy that surrounded Y/N, the energy is the magic used to take away their angelic status and made them into a Nephalem (Demon, Angel Hybrid). Their candle kept changing itself because it needed to form a new substance to match Y/N's new physiology.

#obey me: one master to rule them all #obey me #obey me x reader #lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer #mammon x reader #obey me mammon #leviathan x reader #obey me leviathan #satan x reader #obey me satan #asmodeus x reader #obey me asmodeus #beelzebub x reader #obey me beelzebub #belphegor x reader #obey me belphegor #obey me micheal #OMFIC

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marindram · 3 years

Text

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

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June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

#omega mart #marin dram #omega mart lore

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perhaps-in-anotherdream · 3 years

Text

[CN] Season 2- Victor and MC- Chapter 4 & 5 (Eng Translation)- Part 3

⌚Warning:⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a chapter that is yet to release in the global server. Don't continue under the cut if you don't wish to be spoiled!(◍•ᴗ•◍)

✧✧ PART 1 || PART 2

✧ [CH 4-12] ✧

At BS office: With the help of her subordinates, MC is working on gathering information on Lu Kang, and the mysterious man in black. But the tracker she left on him lost its signal after some time, so the investigation has reached an dead-end for now.

It's also the day Victor will be released from the hospital. So, MC goes to pick him up.

He has changed out of his hospital gown, and returned to his suit and leather shoes.

I sigh inwardly, though Victor has always been very busy, but recently he seems to have become even busier.

MC: You've just been discharged from hospital, don't you want to go home and rest?

Victor: It's not like I was really hospitalized. Besides, I remember that you still have something to report to me.

MC: Now I understand that being a CEO is really not easy.

Victor: If you really want to be considerate of others, improve the quality of your work.

I tilt my face up, and pat my bag while looking at him.

MC: So where does CEO Victor want to test the quality of my work?

Victor: Go to LFG.

MC notes that Victor gets in his work mode™ as soon as he enters LFG LOL

MC reports Victor about her findings that Lu Kang once lost a lawsuit against LFG and seemed to hold LFG responsible for the bankruptcy.

Victor explains that the deal with Lu Kang's company didn't proceed because they were found secretly making false accounts and such doings will eventually lead to plummeting. LFG never did or neither do they need to persecute anyone for business competition, and it'll bring more trouble than benefits anyway.

I scrutinize the sharp air exuding from his eyebrows, and can't help but mutter under my breath.

MC: Victor, you've always been so decisive and swift in action. Haven't you made more or less some enemies?

[Note: MC uses the idiom "雷厉风行" which literally translates to- passing like thunder and moving like wind.]

Victor: When there are interests involved, even if you do nothing, there will be enemies. The rules of the game are inherently cruel, and to have people who want to put some tricks to use, is quite ordinary.

MC gives Victor another report which she compiled based on Lu Kang's memory.

MC points out- the lawsuit incident was a while ago and it shouldn't be the reason he attacked Victor. She assumes-- it has something to do with the "game" that was mentioned in his memory many times. Lu Kang and the young man who partnered in the game probably tried to escape halfway, and they were killed because of the "no escapee rule."

Victor takes MC's reasoning under consideration, and specifically points out that all the victims of the murders are Evolvers. MC expresses her assumption that it could be because the authority of the game has some hidden agenda.

We glance at each other, and once again each sink into reflecting on the matter.

After a while, Victor picks up the last page of the report, and flips through it.

Victor: The trail for that killer is broken?

MC: Yes, should be. We suspect that he threw away the tracker.

Victor looks at the contents of the report repeatedly, then presses it on the table, and taps his fingertips on the last spot tracked by the tracker.

Victor: This place, you've only checked the public webpage. So the trail is not completely broken yet. Let them use the internal channels to investigate again. Don't waste the first-level authority I gave you.

Victor raises his eyes and looks at me, then puts the report back in my hand.

MC: Do I need to investigate that game altogether?

Victor: No need. I will send someone specialized to investigate. Remember, everything you just said is only a conjecture.

Victor: Without my permission, do not voluntarily investigate in private.

MC: Yes, BOSS.

The worries that have been clogging up in my chest for days, finally dissipates in several degrees. Even if I sympathized with Lu Kang, this action to get back at someone is never the right thing to do.

MC: Fortunately, this car accident is not related to the Evolver assassination. Just as I said, who would be so courageous, that he dares to pick a fight with CEO Victor?

Victor: The "bodyguard" is finally relieved?

MC: Relieved!

Victor: Go back when you feel relieved. Start concentrating on your task next week.

I grab the report, preparing to leave, just then Victor calls me again. I look back, and see that he seems to have sent a message to someone.

He halts for a moment, then stands up with one hand propped on the tabletop, his deep gaze falling on my face.

Victor: Thank you for these few days.

I stare blankly at him for a while, and quickly perk up with an even bigger smile.

MC: No need to be polite, Mr. Victor. Just let me book a free pudding from Souvenir!

I turn around at Victor's momentary expression of helplessness, running out of the office like a wisp of smoke.

Ever since confirming his safety, I feel that every time we see each other, it all becomes much more relaxed.

Behind the current life, there are still bubbling up unsettling factors in motion.

But precisely because things being as such, is what makes me want to cherish the rare tranquility all the more.

✧ [4-13] ✧

Just a moment after walking out of the LFG building, I suddenly remember that I've forgotten one thing, and rush back to the lobby.

After talking to the administrative staff at the front desk, I dial Victor's number.

Victor: Hello?

MC: Victor, I forgot one thing just now. To congratulate you on your 'discharge', I've prepared a small gift for you. The staff will deliver it for me later.

Victor: ....I've said I wasn't really hospitalized. What are you up to again?

MC: Just treat it as a blessing. You must accept it! That's all.

Victor: Hold on.

MC: Is there anything else?

Victor: Help me think of a name.

MC: What kind of name? A kitten, a puppy or a relative's child?

Victor: ....Common name, male.

MC: Why are you asking this all of a sudden?

Victor: Because your imagination is comperatively rich.

What kind of answer is this...

I complain inwardly, but still give it a serious thought.

MC: Let me think. How about this one!

(Players get to choose a name from the three options)

Victor: What kind of strange name is that...

Victor's helpless sigh comes from the other end of the phone.

Victor: Never mind. I shouldn't have had any expectations. I'll accept your gift. That's all.

After hanging up the call, I'm still a little baffled by the request.

He abruptly asked me to help think of a name, and also a male's name. Could it be that he is going to use it himself?

Could it be that there is something that requires a disguised identity?

But does he even need to disguise.... aren't the six letters "Victor" the best pass in itself.

Anyway, the name I gave him off the top of my head, he definitely won't use it.

I shake my head, my train of thoughts returning to the gift I've left behind just a moment ago, and can't help but look forward to it.

I wonder when the Victor of now receives this gift, what will the expression on his face be like?

✧[POV back to Victor's office]✧

Closing the last document, Victor leans into his chair, gently pinching his brows.

Opening his eyes, the pink-colored gift box on the corner of the table enters his line of sight again. The lofty color seems to be urging him to open it as soon as possible.

Victor unwraps the box, and inside lies a round Shiba Inu doll, appearing a little old.

He wrinkles his eyebrows, takes it out, and sees a small folded note also being pressed onto the bottom of the box.

He patiently unfolds the note again, the carefully and neatly written calligraphy greets his eyes.

Victor: (reading the note) "Congratulations on your 'recovery,' and here's a small gift for you. This is the doll that has accompanied me for many years. I wish you well and hope you're happy." - MC

Victor: ....Childish.

Victor subconsciously says a word, and falls silent again.

Unknowingly why, but he always feels that he's somewhat familiar with this scene, but he also can't amalgamate the impression any further.

Even just the silly Shiba-Inu doll on the table, brings him a trace of intimacy.

[Note: This is the same Shiba-Inu doll MC's dad gifted her as a kid, and she gave it to Victor in S1 "Rooftop Date," when she wanted to comfort him realizing how much he misses his departed mom.]

It seems as if, ever since meeting her and getting acquainted with each other, this strange feeling often arises.

Is it because she has an Evol associated with memories?

But again, Victor is also very clear that her Evol doesn't have effect on himself.

Or is that, it's simply owing to her?

Victor blankly stares at the doll for a while, and by the time he circles back to his senses, it's already somewhat late.

He pulls open a locked drawer next to his desk, puts the doll inside, and catches a glimpse of the document marked with a sharp " S " symbol underneath.

"Illegal psychoactive drugs", " CORE", "has the potential to stimulate Evol"...

Several eye-catching keywords are marked in red, even in the twilight, which are still clearly identifiable.

The information the girl has reported to him once again surfaces in Victor's mind.

She has organized it very meticulously, but after reading it all thoroughly, the dense fog before his eyes hasn't dispersed.

Those layers of crisscrossing threads seems to have already involved all the parties, standing in different positions, making the situation chaotic.

And all these disputes still ultimately point to the same source--

BLACK SWAN CORE.

When it's all said and done, is this situation because everyone is eager to obtain it, or is there an unknown force hiding in the depository, pulling the strings?

There are still numerous issues that needs to be resolved, and one can not always watch the fire burning across the river.

Victor locks the drawer, and glances at the clock on the wall.

The phone rings at the right time, it's an encrypted email from BS.

Mail: "BOSS, as per your requirements, the relevant information has been sent to the other party."

Victor simply knocks down a reply, gets up and puts on his jacket, preparing to leave.

A pile of events is connected into a ring, and each angler, too, is bait for another.

He is looking forward to what kind of prey can be hooked this time.

✧ [CH 4-15] ✧

Victor meets Lucien at the research center, who hands him the report of a research.

Victor says the results are clear but Lucien says they only confirmed their guesses, and that CORE has been the focus of everyone after Evol was publicized, but there are perhaps other things affecting the world. Lucien asks if Victor feels that the world is not quite right and that every civilization circulates within a box, the time they have is likely more limited than expected.

Victor says it depends on how an individual views the matter, there's no need to pre-determine an outcome.

Lucien asks Victor if he believes he'll be able to get out of the box. Victor replies, "Not believe, it's a must."

After Victor gets in the car, he receives an email: "Dear Mr. [the name MC chose for him earlier], thank you for your support towards Hunter Games."

The rest of the email is basically explaining the rules of the game.‶

✧ [Victor scene in CH 5] ✧

Victor is returning from a business trip. After giving Goldman some instructions, he glances out of the window of the helicopter. Even though everything is peaceful, to him something always seems amiss.

He receives an email containing only one word, "Advanced." His expression doesn't change much since he already expected this outcome. The mail disappears, and he taps on another anonymous email with the instructions- He'll be entering the betting venue in 15 minutes and he should get prepared.

When the helicopter is about to land on the LFG rooftop, he glances out of the window once again and observes the people of the city living their day to day peaceful lives.

The noise-reduction headset cuts out the sound of the outside world, but the mere information sent back to him by his vision, is sufficient to prove the tranquility of the world before his eyes.

The helicopter lands. He settles some works with the staff.

Victor raises his hand to look at his watch, the gray clouds being reflected on the dial, slightly blurs the trajectory of the clock hands.

In a split second, along with lowering his arm, an inconspicuous red light suddenly streaks across the dial.

There's still ten minutes to enter the "betting venue".

The staff turns around, walking towards the elevator, cold wind blows on Victor's face, fluttering the hem of his coat.

Somewhere directly opposite, a small cross hair has always been aiming at the position of his heart.

??: "Code L" elimination plan in progress, target locked.

A second before the trigger is squeezed tightly, the person behind the lens suddenly lifts up, raises his head, looking straight into the set of deep eyes in the distance.

The clamors of the city conceals much of the noise, the discharge of bullet muffles in the silencer, so much so that in this shattering rain, it doesn't even make a crisp sound of snapping a branch.

A dispute between the light and the dark, seemingly has arrived to its conclusion.

[Trivia: The call that comes with the Chapter karma card-- is actually Victor nagging with MC on her report over phone inside the helicopter-- before it lands on the LFG rooftop!]

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steve0discusses · 4 years

Text

S5 Ep5: Female Friends

So I was up hella late because of Daylight Savings screwing my sleep schedule, and I was on Twitch and one of the people I follow was speedrunning a Yugioh game (I think it was called Forbidden Memories like it was some Romance YA novel) and I was like “that’s a thing?” And I watched about 15 minutes of just complete nonsense. Like this game makes no sense when your scrubbing through 30 minutes of gameplay, but when a whole game takes 45 seconds and they have mechanics using like planets and astrology symbols? What?

What?

Y’all, I’m a little concerned your card game ain’t real. Like this is some ploy by knowing adults and this is some sort of Santa Claus situation where everyone else knows that this game ain’t real, but I’m the last person alive who’s like... “it is real though, right?” Hoping that I haven’t been played all of these years, despite having literally no empirical evidence that it is.

Just saying, I’m on to you, Yugioh.

Thanks dub.

I am pretty convinced (could be wrong) but pretty convinced that Grandpa was probably just normal horny in this scene. Like it just kinda matches what I know about horny grandpa tropes (that and Vivian is really talked up to be this hot stuff although she’s just youknow...some girl who exists.)

He immediately falls over. Like immediately, and I don’t know what’s up with Grandpa’s weird slipped disc, but luckily this is the one thing that Mokuba is prepared to deal with as a park manager.

Or what was his job again, Master of Ceremonies? That was the name of Mokuba’s actual chosen job that a 12-13 yo would choose?

Only Mokuba would have the choice to choose “a literal astronaut” and not choose an astronaut. This kid probably hates space though, with his family’s countless war machines now currently flying through the void.

The amount of times that the Kaibas have had to call a doctor for these guys.

(read more under the cut)

Bro was like “So Hawkins paid Grandpa to pretend to fall down so they could ditch Rebecca’s duel, right?” and youknow...probably. It was a pretty boring duel. They got off scott free.

Rex and Weevil do cartoon antics that actually feel like cartoon antics--which feels so weird for this show. Of course, it also has this Vivian plotline that is a little sus for a children’s show?

OK, show. You keep throwing women at Yugi Muto, and I get it’s a joke because he’s the world’s most undateable boy but there is a line of plausibility that even for a kid’s cartoon show it’s like “eh, probably not.”

Anyway, Vivian has Cho Chang energy of “I’m here for a problematic romantic conflict that never needed to happen and hamfisted diversity and uhhhhhh that’s it! I won’t exist after book 5!”

What a step down from dueling on top of the train, right? Like this whole time you could have just dueled next to it? What? In this show?

The rest of the party show up to the train station, where there’s really no other audience watching. Like where are Rebecca’s adoring fans who were asking for her autograph like 3 episodes back?

Card culture is brutal, y’all.

Vivian is not drawn like a 16 yo, being real. I was pretty surprised that she was under 25 according to a cursory Google search. Course, Joey Wheeler is drawn like a built adult, too, so I think the only convincing teenage child on this show is Pharaoh because at least he’s short. Just ignore how sometimes he’s got muscles on his arms that have no right to be there at the age of 16. (17?)

Then we had like a little Season Zero vibes where everyone just picks on Yugi for a hot minute.

And so Tea’s character development comes full circle as she realizes that this whole time, the Female Friend she needed was already here in the form of that small child who has a crush on her kinda boyfriend.

This was such an episode written by a bunch of dudes.

But at least Rebecca and Tea found something in common, although I really wish it wasn’t Yugi, considering how little on screen development he has with either of them. Where’s the reward for me as the viewer? If I cared about either of this love pentagon at all (well, hexagon...Bakura’s still in there.) there will never be a payout. You very well may be waiting forever for a relationship the writers clearly had never any intention to ever write except to act as a foil for our protagonists instead of like...a relationship.

And the show seems a little inconsistent with the relationship between Rebecca and Tea, too. They hang out a lot as the girls on the sideline, and appear to get along a lot of the time--but then they hate eachother a lot of the time as well because of jealousy? It’s just so weird.

I feel like TV shows in general have a really hard time approaching girl friendships, and speaking as a girl, I wish TV and books recognized more that our female friendships don’t have to be so freakin serious. We just act friendly and that’s freakin it.

That and these girls are going to go right back to hating eachother half the time after this is over because the main problem--Yugi not piping up and telling one of them to back the hell off--has never been addressed and never will be because Yugi is a broken, broken wet blanket.

Back at the base, Seto is also making up his own problems to be upset about in the absence of any apocalypses happening on screen.

Unless that hacker is Noah Kaiba, you’re probably fine. I really haven’t had too much of a reason to feel any fear over Zigfried von Schroeder. And maybe it’s because his character design was pretty complicated so no one wanted to draw it.

This was a ‘who’s on first’ joke but still.

...why do cards have to be like this?

Also, I didn’t see anything about this nonsense in the speedrun I watched the other night so, guys, this game ain’t real.

Anyway, Rebecca won.

We find out a little more of what happens to other duelists. Our Cowboy lost to a Sherlock Holmes boy, and I was very happy that I don’t have to come up with jokes about country music because I have none other than like...Taylor Swift jokes? Does she still count as country? I have no idea what’s going on in the country music scene.

On other side of the park, Yugioh decide to pay another tribute to the creative crotch shot with one of these:

Rex and Weevil are off to fight the big bad, and when you think “OK, we’re gonna get a wacky duel battle with these two balancing on top of eachother,” they kinda whiffed it before they made it to the stage.

And then I kind of whiffed it when I realized that Mokuba and Weevil have never spoken in the same place before and they have the same exact font color so fml.

The fact that Mokuba didn’t realize anything was wrong until they fell and revealed they were two small adults in a trench coat says a lot about most of the competitors in this duel.

It is incredible how both the Battle City Tournament and the Kaiba Corp Tourney (s that it’s name?) are both poorly managed, but in a different way. The Battle City Tourney unfortunately had a bunch of murderers in it. This tournament, no one is killing eachother, but they are still kind of sneaking in through the back door and being chronically late to everything.

(and I just want to point out that after the last match Mokuba oversaw that had Joey nearly miss the appointment, Mokuba decided to set this one in front of a Giant Clock just to get his point across)

So Zigfried has some sort of flying horse card that wiped them out right away, which makes you wonder........

.............why use any other cards?

Kaiba makes these cards, right????

Like he should be the last person who’s surprised????

Anyway, Zigfried top-decked a horse, and the guy who spends about 15 minutes getting ready his big ol blue eyes dragons every match he’s ever played was like “Yo I have GOT to get into speedrunning!”

And yes, the speedrun I was watching did not use Blue Eyes White Dragons. They were using a bunch of other stuff that I tried to look up just now and the art is completely different from what I recall so...unfortunately that means that your game is fake. Pretty sure it’s fake and you have no way to prove to me this is real.

Anyway, that’s it for now, not much to say since we’re still at the beginning of the arc. Next week I guess we’ll find out if Seto ever removes his ass from this chair.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

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fallingfor-fics · 3 years

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Teachers pet-chapter 22: forbidden forest

All chapters

Chapter 21

It was the next day and id not gone to breakfast or any of my classes. It was Lunchtime and I was supposed to be in Snape's room for lessons. But after last night, I didn't have the energy to get out of bed. I didn't know what it was but I just couldn't seem to move from the spot. Hermione had come to check on me after I had missed breakfast and I just told her I wasn't feeling well. I know she didn't believe me, but she didn't press any further. I felt guilty for not telling Snape that I was gonna be absent from our tutoring sessions today. I guess I could send a note. I reached out for a journal in my bag and tore out a piece of paper.

Dear Professor Snape,

I'm afraid I've come down with something and will not be attending our lessons, or class today. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Y/n

I forced myself to get up folding the note and opening my window. I got Hera out of her cage and gave the note to her, she took it in her beak and I walked her over to the window. "Get this to Professor Snape please. She cooed and flew off my arm out the window. I went and crawled back into my bed pulling the covers up over me. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't see him after last night, it was too embarrassing, and him not talking about it only made it worse. How did he feel about me now? I thought about what Dumbledore had said. But there was no way the universe would give me the opportunity of me earning this man's affection. I closed my eyes in hopes to just fall asleep so I wouldn't have to worry about these petulant thoughts. But with my luck I couldn't. I remembered the book Ruth had given me and lazily grabbed it from my bag. I looked over the title once more, laying back down and began to read it.

Hera flew to Snapes window landing on his windowsill with a small flutter. He looked up over at her and opened his window. He didn't recognize this owl and was a bit confused at first, he was wondering where you were and why he hadn't seen you all day. He took the note from the owl and looked it over. Had he messed up giving you those lessons? Did you feel violated from him entering your mind the way he did? He was afraid he'd overstepped. He grabbed parchment and a quill and began writing back to you. Halfway through he realized you'd probably not want to speak to him. Unless you were telling the truth and he was just being foolish, and you really were sick. He pondered for a moment before getting up and walking over to his potions closet, he found a small versatile antidote for any common illness and walked back over to his desk, handing it to Hera. "See to it this gets to Ms. L/n" he said as the owl took off out his window and he sat back down at his desk.

I saw Hera flying back in and sat up holding out my hand for her to land on, I noticed a small vial she was holding and she dropped it in my hand. There was nothing else though besides a note that read:

Ms. L/n

This should help with your illness, be careful and don't drink too much or you may get drowsy. I hope you feel better.

Professor Snape

I gave a small smile at the fact he cared enough to send me this, I guess he really did think of us as friends. If only I could get him to think of me as more. I mean it couldn't be too hard could it? Getting the lonesome, cold, and mean Professor to return my feelings. Easier said than done I guess. I thought back to that book I took. Make him jealous? Could that even be done? I shook away the foolish thoughts and opened the vial. "Well i'm not actually sick so should I really take this?" I said, talking to the only person in the room, myself, and Hera I guess. She just looked at me and turned her head. "Well that wasn't a no" I took a swig and almost threw it up immediately. "Holy shit for a potions professor he really gave me the worst tasting potion ever." I took one more sip not sure how much was too much and put the cap back on, sticking it in my trunk at the end of my bed. I grabbed my book again and continued reading it. It was very interesting so far. It was about an older gentleman, very intelligent living in Paris, and he had a particular taste in women, for they weren't women but young girls. I squirmed at the thought, what kind of grown man would like 12 year olds, it's very gross, but I couldn't help to think about the way he talked about his feelings. I hated to say it, he was a bad man, but he didn like them in nasty horrific ways I guess. I paused for a moment thinking about my Professor. He was what 36? And I'm 16 almost 17. Well when I put it that way it definitely makes it worse. He would never love me simply for the fact I'm a child. I got about halfway through the book throughout the day, fighting the sleepiness I began to feel. He had now met Lolita and was explaining how he felt for her, and how she felt for him. In the beginning I was repulsed by the idea of him and a girl. But she loved him and he loved her, it wasn't focused on the idea she was young, just how he felt for her in his heart. This gave me the smallest bit of hope. Maybe if Severus liked me for me and looked past the 20 year age gap it wouldn't seem like such a big deal. I mean this is all irrational thinking anyways since he'd never actually develop the feelings I'm hoping for. I looked up out my window and quickly got up realizing it was already dark. I had missed dinner, and usually this is when Id go for more lessons with Snape. I still could make it if I tried, but it doesn't change what had happened last night and if we were... normal again. I decided against it and took out the vial, sipping more than last time, and layed down. I felt myself grow very sleepy and drift off into sleep, hoping I could just sleep the rest of the week.

I woke up dazed and confused, how long was I out? I looked around and saw it was still dark outside. I looked over at my clock and it read midnight. Is it midnight today? Or of tomorrow? I slowly got up and walked over to the calendar Ruth had taped to the wall next to her bed. Ok so it's still Tuesday, well I guess Wednesday now since it's past midnight. I went to the bathroom and realized I was still in my nightgown, never having changed out of it. I felt nasty though, it makes sense since I was in bed all day. I went to my trunk grabbing my shower bag and new pajamas. I took a quick hot much needed shower and brushed out my hair. Slipping on my underwear, dark green silk pajama pants and a matching silk black tank top. I exited the bathroom letting all the steam out and opened my window a tad. When I did I noticed a note that was on the windowsill, but since it was on the outside it fell and I reached to grab it but it fell outside, I huffed looking down at it and leaned back inside, slipping on some socks and putting on a black knit cardigan, and grabbing my wand. I quietly tiptoed out of the common room into the dungeon hallways, I guess I could have just used magic to grab it, but I needed the air after being in my room all day. I quietly illuminated my wand and began walking to go outside. I didn't see any teachers so far, thankfully. It was kind of late so I doubted there would be a lot of them walking around. As I walked I looked at the dimly lit paintings and such, admiring all of them. I walked out the doors and shivered as I walked into the cold air. Holy fuck its cold, it thought as I walked around to wear my window was. I saw the note on the lightly sodden ground and quickly ran over to it picking it up and unrolling it.

But when I got it open I realized it was blank. I furrowed my brow looking on the front and back, why would this be delivered to me if it had nothing on it? I had assumed it was from Snape about not coming to our evening lessons, but it had nothing on it. I pulled out my wand and held out the note, "Aparecium" I whispered hoping maybe the note was written in invisible ink or something. Sure enough a short note began to appear. But all it said was "Go here" after I read it a small map began to appear. Ok what? There's no way this is real, someone must be messing with me. I looked around me, still outside, but saw no one. I looked back at the paper trying to figure out where it was going to lead me. I looked back up looking around for any students that might be pulling a prank but didn't see any. This could be a very bad idea I thought to myself. I don't wanna get into trouble, but then again I figured it might be important. I began to study the map once more and looked at it intently, it was a very vague map, I wasn't sure where anything correlated to. I began to walk back inside and noticed an arrow on the map move as I moved, I turned and walked th either direction and it still followed me. Wow so I guess i'm just supposed to trust this random arrow to follow the lines. I looked around once more and decided I would at least need my shoes, I looked up to my window and summoned my boots, I slipped them on and let the map guide me.

I took me around the outside of the school and down towards Hagrid's hut. Hmm maybe Hagrid sent it and thought I wouldn't remember how to get to his house. But then again I go here all the time for class, and why wouldn't he just come get me? I kept following the arrow and it took me past his hut and over to the Whomping willow, I knew better than to go there so I stopped. This is weird. Why is it taking me here? I looked at the tree and walked very far around it. The arrow followed and I continued on its path as I got in safe distance from the scary tree. I could see my breath in the cold air and was certain my cheeks and nose were red. I'm sure it didn't help that I had wet hair. I beard the end of the map, my supposed destination and looked up to see where it led me. You have got to be kidding me. It took me right to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. "Ok this has to be a joke, no way i'm going in there" I said out loud looking around for any sign for what I should do. I looked back at the map and flipped it around trying to figure out if I had gone to the wrong place. But the arrow had turned into an x and I looked back up at the forest. I knew of all kinds of creatures that inhabited this forest, Unicorns, centaurs, werewolves, and hippogriffs to name a few, I was fairly skilled in DADA. But I don't think I could fight off any of these by myself. And Hagrid had told me the stories of the students that disappeared in the forest, so why in my right mind would I listen to a random note and go in. Harry had even told me of the time he and Draco were sent in to find a injured unicorn and ran into The Dark Lord himself, I mean there's no reason the dark lord would want anything to do with me so I highly doubt id see him but the thought still carried in my mind.

#snape imagine #severusnape #professor snape #snape #severus snape #severusimagine #severus x reader #severus snape x reader #hogwarts #slytherin #Snape slowburn

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kimjongdaely · 4 years

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Eternal [Chapter 9]

Vampire!AU

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Warnings: Language, violence, abuse, sexual situations, abortion, mention of suicide

Summary: You’re not sure how to deal with your current situation. Your owner, Byun Baekhyun, isn’t helping with the stress. But what happens when you find a risky solution that might just solve all your problems?

Prologue [M]│Chapter 1│Chapter 2│Chapter 3│Chapter 4│Chapter 5│ Chapter 6│Chapter 7│Chapter 8│Chapter 9│Chapter 10│Chapter 11 │Chapter 12│Chapter 13

You can’t tell if things have gotten better or worse.

It’s mostly just suffocatingly quiet. The kind of quiet that makes you go insane. You haven’t spoken to Baekhyun in a while. You’re not sure how long; you’ve lost track.

Every day feels the same. You get sick most of the time and it’s hard to keep any food down. Yixing is really worried. He tries his best to monitor your condition and get you to eat, but every time you smell food you just want to vomit again.

Your stomach has gotten a lot bigger. Having the baby bump finally show makes it all the more concrete and real, and you need that constant reminder.

A reminder that you’re not a total screwup. That at least you’re doing something right.

But you’re getting too thin and the baby needs to eat more than you do. You have yet to find something to eat that won’t make you sick. The girls have tried everything they could think of, all types of food from all over the world. Nothing seems to help. You’re beginning to think it’s more about your mindset than actually being unable to keep anything down. You’re so upset over Baekhyun that it’s affecting your health.

No, no you can’t let that hinder you. You have to do it for the baby.

Curled up on your bed, you clutch at your stomach, feeling the baby bump and tears fill your eyes. What should you do? What if you miscarry? You don’t think you can handle it if your baby dies. You’ll surely follow immediately after, regardless of what Baekhyun does. This child is everything you wanted, proof of your existence, no matter how small it is. It’s your family, the only thing connected to you by blood.

Please live. It doesn’t matter if you have to die to bring it into this world. As long as it lives, nothing matters.

And that’s the mindset you try to sustain. You forced food down, taking small bites at a time and several deep breaths, hoping it doesn’t come back up. You take it easy, getting lots of rest and spend your time reading books. You chat a lot more with the girls and ask Yixing for advice constantly.

You have to make the change. You can’t keep wallowing in sorrow forever. For the baby.

You must live as well.

Just until your child is brought to the world.

A few more days and Emerald approaches you. You didn’t want to see her, have done very well avoiding her, but you know you have to do this. You can’t keep avoiding her forever.

“Hi.” She greets.

“Hi.”

She sits down beside you on the couch, looking sheepish and fiddling with her hands. You sigh, setting your book down. “Did you want something?”

“I wanted to apologize.” She said, eyes downcast. “I know you don’t really like me being here, so—”

“Don’t.”

“Excuse me?” She looks surprised.

“Don’t.” You repeat, snapping. “You and I both know it’s not your fault. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine for getting pregnant.”

She blinks, shocked. “That’s not what I—”

“Yes, I know.” You rise, a bout of anger rising in you. “Baekhyun needs you. He’ll die if he doesn’t feed and I...” Tears well up and it’s hard to control yourself, your voice cracking, “I can’t help him. It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

You leave her flabbergasted in the living room as you stomp up to your room, sniffing and trying hard not to break down, again. Your emotions are everywhere and you berate yourself for blowing up. You could’ve handled it so much better, should’ve smiled and said ‘it’s fine’ and the two of you can go off on your merry way. You just have to ruin everything.

There’s a knock at your door. “Thorn, we need to talk.”

Oh, great. What perfect timing Baekhyn has. You’re not sure you’re emotionally well enough for this conversation.

You still open the door, letting him inside. He has the right to be angry and upset. Has the right to check up on his own child.

He does not look happy. He stares at you, arms crossed over his chest. “Why are you so upset?”

You blink, not expecting that question. You thought he would yell and scold. You swallow. “I...I don’t know.”

His eyes narrow. “Don’t lie to me.”

You look away, feeling guilty and stupid and wishing you could disappear. “I was jealous.”

“You said it was okay.” He reminds, voice gruff. “I asked you. You said you understood. How am I going to feed if I don’t touch her?”

You scowl, throwing your hands in the air, the first time you’ve done so. “I don’t know!” Baekhyun takes a step back, surprised by your outburst, hands falling to his sides. You pace your room, tears flowing freely now as you rant. “I don’t know, okay. I’m stressed and scared and insecure, my feelings are everywhere and I have no control over them! I just want to cry all day long and scream. I’m not eating well and I can’t let anything happen to the baby but everything’s going wrong and I’m so scared.” You take a shuddering breath, your voice dropping. “I just want to be with you. Is that too much to ask?”

From the corner of your eye you see Baekhyun open his mouth. You swirl towards him and cut him off sharply.

“Even if I have to take care of this baby on my own, I’ll do it. I don’t need you, Baekhyun. I can handle it fine on my own—”

“Thorn.”

“—because I’ve been alone all my life—”

“Thorn, please.”

“—it makes no difference now—”

“Thorn!” Baekhyun roars, eyes blazing as he stomps to you and then—

Oh, he’s kissing you. With all the frustration and hurt and passion he’s felt these few days all at once. You melt into his arms almost immediately, clutching him for balance and kiss him back, letting him soothe away your worries.

Then his kisses soften, turning into affectionate pecks instead, his thumb rubbing circles in the small of your back. You rest your head against his shoulder, cooing as he rocks you gently. You missed him so much it’s unbearable.

“I’m sorry.” He says after a while. “I’m sorry I made you feel insecure and I wasn’t always there for you. But please stop getting angry at Emerald—she’s innocent.”

You sniff, nodding. “I know. I’m sorry too. I just can’t stop myself and blow up. I’ll apologize to her, I promise.”

“I heard from Yixing about your condition.” He says. “Is there anything I can get you? Craving anything?”

“Not really.” You wrinkle your nose. “I am a little hungry now though.”

He lets out a quiet laugh. “Let’s get you some food then.” He grows serious once more. “And don’t say things like you’ll handle this alone. I’m not the best support but I do want to support you.” He looks down, looking ashamed. “You just have to beat me upside the head sometime and tell me what you need.”

You giggle, nodding. “Okay, I will.”

“And Sehun?” Baekhyun asks. “Has he spoken to you lately?”

You frown, tilting your head as you think. “No. Why?”

Baekhyun lets out a smile, though it looks tight. “Never mind then. It’s nothing.”

Your pregnancy has been going well since then. You’ve tried harder to ignore it when Baekhyun feeds on Emerald. He’s cut back the frequency, which you feel immensely guilty about but he assures you it’s fine. He’s trying not to set you off again.

You’re at 24 weeks now, which means you’re about halfway there. You can feel the baby kicking around too, and it always brings a grin to your face. The first time you made Baekhyun feel the baby kick, he was horrified. Thought the baby was hurting you.

You assured him over and over again that it wasn’t so, and it actually made you incredibly happy. You would squeal and coo at your tummy when it moved. Baekhyun was skeptical but learned to accept it. Though his reaction was disappointing, you’re glad he’s gotten better with the idea of your pregnancy.

He’ll even sometimes feel it on his own now, eyes widening whenever the baby would greet him, though you haven’t seen him smile.

It makes you a little sad to think about.

You wonder what’s going on in his mind. Is he really not the least bit happy about this? Or is he just extremely worried about you? You’ve tried asking, but he always answers very vaguely and he’s learned to give you answers that you want to hear.

It frustrates you to no end, but you keep quiet because you know he’s trying. He’s trying so hard, and sometimes you see notes scrawled over his desk. Out of curiosity you pick a paper up to read to find him desperately searching for a way to keep you alive. There are so many questions unanswered, and hundreds of ideas crossed out.

And then in a corner you find a scribbled, Victoria?

You frown, recognizing the name. You see Baekhyun talking quietly with Jongdae and Junmyeon sometimes, and Yixing would join in occasionally. They all look so serious when they talk, voices staying hushed and often they talk in the middle of the night when the Pets are asleep. You’ve only caught them like that a few times when you wake up with a craving for a midnight snack.

So what connection has Baekhyun made about your pregnancy and Victioria, of all people? You shudder at the name, not wanting to think about her.

You make a mental note to ask him about this later, but for now you stack his notes up neatly and set them aside. You also wish there was a way you could live through this, and you’re staying as optimistic as you can.

No one knows for sure that you’ll die, anyways. Maybe you can push through if you’re determined enough. You hope you are.

Rubbing your belly, you sigh as you snuggle into Baekhyun’s bed, waiting for him to come home from patrol. You’ve been sleeping in here now rather than your own room. Everything smells like him and it calms you down. You love sleeping in his clothes and wrapping yourself up with his blanket.

Then there’s a knock.

Puzzled, you push yourself up and hobble towards the door. It’s Sehun, looking rather thrilled, eyes wide and a grin on his face. “Hi, Thorn.”

“Hi.” You frown at his expression, rarely seeing him like this. “Did something happen?”

“I found a way,” he says, slightly breathless and so eager. “A way that you can live.”

Previous Chapter│ Next Chapter

Eternal Mini Masterlist

A/N: Oooh plot twist? Cliffhanger? I’m excited 😆

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imagineclaireandjamie · 4 years

Text

Shielded. Chapter One

ANON: Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. [John Wayne]

Since the beginning of lockdown here in the UK, I’ve been making little notes here and there and I’ve finally put something together that is hopefully interesting. It’s set from the start of our isolation back on Friday 20th March and will work its way forwards in time <3 enjoy! Mod MBD.

-- --- --

The Daily Briefing:

She left under the cover of darkness, the atmospheric sheet rain appearing out of nowhere to conceal her as she hid the doorway of a boarded up shop. The ‘closed’ signs that littered the windows of each and every shop on the highstreet illuminated as the lights flickered on, the daylight fading as night enveloped the south of England. It should have been a regular Friday evening, but it wasn’t. And despite the shock of the rest of the nation, she was more than happy for the lockdown to take immediate effect.

A couple of the pubs were still open, the last of their punters being ushered out by groups of policemen and women as the 9pm curfew approached, and though there was still some footfall through the small village, it wasn’t enough to worry her greatly.

She remembered reading YA fiction that started in a similar way and the idea that the whole population might be reduced to some dystopian teen nightmare seemed more than plausible. But at least she’d be far away from society by the time it did. Wondering whether Suzanne Collins and Veronica Roth were somewhere together, raising a glass to their literary insight into such things, she pulled her jacket tighter around her neck to stop the droplets of water running down her chest.

The honk of a horn brought her out of her thoughts as she grabbed her meagre belongings and hid her face from the rain. Getting herself settled in the back of the blacked out van, there was a part of her that scoffed at the idea of danger lurking within as the plain-clothed officers escorting her smiled softly, passing her a towel to wipe the stray drips of moisture from her face. As a child she had, of course, been warned about strangers in vehicles. Now though there were more monsters lurking in her own home than there were anywhere else in the country.

“You might want to get some sleep, if you can, miss.” One of the younger officers said, breaking the silence even with his moderately quiet statement. “It’s a long drive, we’re aiming for eight hours if we can, but it will all depend on the roads.”

Nodding, she pulled a woolen blanket from one of her bags, removed her coat and curled herself against the window. Though she thought sleep impossible, she did manage to doze a little as the car made its way towards the motorway. Her mind went blank as they sped up, she’d spent weeks agonising over this choice, the solid notion of it taking root in her subconscious as the country seemed to spin towards chaos and confusion.

The virus, however, had not been her primary concern. Only her mental and physical survival had taken precedent. It was the prime minister's announcement yesterday that schools and pubs would close the following week that spurred her onwards, and she’d (rather rapidly) responded to the offer she had been levelled with.

If she wanted to disappear, now was her chance.

“John wants you to know that he’s processed the documents you’re going to need and included a shielding letter with that. This should take you until the end of June as well as the furlough payments. He also says you did the right thing.”

Making incomplete thumps against her chest, her heart stopped for a moment as the police officer spoke. She’d been warring with herself for weeks, uncertain of the best course of action. She had, of course, lived with the increasing threat for years before it had finally erupted. John had seen the outcome and had begged her to reconsider his previous offer of assistance having watched her descend into a less than perfect relationship. But she had been convinced that she’d be able to manage.

She hadn’t. An obvious change had taken hold of her husband. He wasn’t the man she married, not by a long shot, and as 2019 came to a close, so did any of his positive attributes. He was a professor, a professional man with many books to his name and he refused to believe his actions had become that of a less than ideal partner.

The first stay in hospital, however, stated otherwise.

“Will I be able to speak to him?”

The officer shook his head sadly. “No, if this is to work, you have to sever all contact with anyone you previously knew, even John. Anything that puts you at risk or could enlighten the wrong people into knowing your whereabouts would jeopardize all of the work we’ve all put in to assure your safety.”

Having had the mood suitably dulled, she lay her head against the window and let several hundred miles pass her by.

As they crossed the border around midnight, the rain finally began to ease and she smiled at the irony. She hadn’t spent much time in Scotland, but she knew it wasn’t famous for its notoriously glorious weather. Part of her was desperate for some coffee but the further they travelled up the country, the less likely it was that the service stations were 24 hours - nor did she think her drivers would be willing to stop until they’d reached their destination.

Once off the motorway and onto the single track roads that led them further into the highlands, she started to guess at where their final destination might be. When the proposition had first been offered to her, John had given her a number of options of a safe haven - one being a flight away (by that point he had started to take her safety quite seriously). As the grey scenery passed them by, a slight pinking of the sky signalling that dawn was close, she was trying to recall the names of the places he’d suggested though her mind was as much of a blur as the greenery whooshing by the back window.

“I don’t suppose you have anything caffeinated to drink?” She asked.

Reaching forward, she took the unopened bottle of coke from one of her escorts and relaxed back into her seat.

“Not far away now. There aren't any toilets, though.”

Fatigue was running deep, she could tell by the tiredness in his voice as he spoke and she nodded as she took a sip. The warning was clear; drink it all quickly and there would be no stopping for a break. But she was too thirsty to worry too much.

“Can I ask where we’re going?”

“Just north-west of Inverness. It’s a farm so it’s as remote as they come. It’s single occupancy, the guy who lives there runs his family business. He’s an old contact of John’s, so although there is to be no contact between you, he trusts you’re in safe hands. All shopping is pre organised and will be delivered once every two weeks to ensure neither of you are put at risk leaving the property for supplies.”

“Should I leave the house at all?” At this point she couldn’t tell whether she was being sarcastic or not but there was an honesty to her question that made the officers answer her quickly.

“No. You have your letter, not that there is anyone around to ask for it, but for the next 12 weeks you should remain inside at all times. No matter how far we take you away from civilization there is always the risk - even during a national pandemic and lockdown - of someone being around, seeing you and passing it on. Where we’re taking you, the owner hasn’t had another friend or family on the property for a number of years. Small communities talk so you should stay inside and out of the view of any members of the local village.”

“Noted.” Replying sadly, she replaced the cap on the half finished bottle of cola and ran her fingers along the inside of her leg. The scar there was still fresh, the heat of it making the hairs on her arms stand on end. She knew that if she wanted this to work, if she wanted to remain hidden, then she would have to obey the rules set.

They drove through Inverness just as 5am hit and the sun rose across the extensive lochs and mountains.

“It might seem far-fetched, the idea that you’ll be located, but we can’t take the risk. We did look through your file, though, and found a name we hope has some resonance to you.” *but nobody else* he thought, but did not say.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it. Please pass that on to John, I didn’t even get the chance to tell him how grateful I am. For everything.” Her intrigue had been piqued about her new identity but once she knew who she was going to be for the next few weeks, it would all become real. Whilst they still hadn’t arrived, she could sit and pretend to be existing in an in between - half way between fantasy and reality.

As they pulled off one side-road and onto another her driver passed her an envelope. She could see a small smile lift the side of his mouth as an archway came into view in front of them. “Of course I will, Claire.”

“Claire?”

“Yes,” he returned, bringing his arm up and pointing his finger at the brown packet in her hands, “it’s all in there...the rest of it. Read it, keep the ID documentation and then burn anything you don’t need to use later.”

“Claire.” She whispered to herself.

And in one breath, as a rather large white brick farm house appeared beneath the now large ivy coated arch, Elizabeth Randall died and she instantly became Claire Beauchamp.

#anonymous #ask #;mod mbd #shielded #featuring: john grey #jamie x claire #ficlet #isolation creation

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casmybelovedass · 4 years

Text

The Destiel Folder: Season 7

[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6]

This season is mostly Dean being a depressed bi who can't cope with his crush's death.

This is, in my opinion, the season where Dean actually starts realizing he might for real think of Cas as something more.

Episode 1:

Cas is basically gone, both Bobby and Sam (almost) are ready to compel to whatever he says, but Dean still tries to get him to come back. "You can turn this around. Please!" (3:13) Denial

Dean has no idea how to deal with God!Castiel, but desperate to find him, and getting emotional "I don't even know what book to hit for this." "Then figure it out!" (5:47) Anger

As we have said many times already, angels don't have a sex, Castiel is not a man, and as he states, he is "utterly indifferent to sexual orientation" (8:03), and so is Chuck, God himself, who has admitted having had both girlfriends and boyfriends.

Dean turns off the news the moment he hears a woman describe Cas as "young and sexy", while doing that jaw clentch thing of his (10:14) ... huh... [and this doesn't really matter, but after this we immediately see Dean in a purple flannel. PURPLE! Go Bi!Dean]

"He's not a guy, he's a God [...] Cas is never coming back. He's lied to us, he's used us, he's cracked your gourd like it was nothing. No more talk. We've spent enough on him." (11:09) Dean trying to jump to the 5th stage of grief. Yeah, no baby that's not how it works

Dean tries so hard to convince himself that Cas's gone so he can kill him, but can't really. "Just kill him now!" and struggles hard to hold Castiel's glare. And as soon as Death offers a second option to killing him, Dean takes it. Bargening

"Dean, look, I know you think Cas is gone." "That's because he is." (31:22) Again with trying to jump to acceptance. Not doing great, Dean. In fact, "Yeah, you know how I'm gonna deal? I'm gonna stuff my pie hole, I'm gonna drink, and I'm gonna watch some asian cartoon porn. And act like the world's about to explode, because it is." (32:17) There it is. Depression.

[Remember this: Dean has no shame in watching porn in front of his brother. Wait a few seasons and see]

Just moments earlier, Dean was all "That's not Cas, Cas is dead" and shit, and now he goes "What? You need something else?" worried-husband-mode the moment Cas asks for help (34:50). Also#MARRIED (35:16)

Bobby: "Where's Sam? It's go time." Dean: *looks back at Cas worried* (37:12)

MUST HELP HUSBAND (38:06) look at Dean's eyes!!! They're like 'It's okay, it's okay. You've got this.' "I'm sorry, Dean." Cas chose these words to be his last, thinking he was going to die. LOOK AT DEAN (38:21) ICWAW this would MEAN SOMETHING ELSE

"CAS! [...] Is he breathing? ... Maybe angels don't need to breathe." says the one who was going around saying Cas was gone for good. "He's gone, Dean." "... damn it... *tears up* Cas, you child... Why didn't you listen to me." #MARRIED (39:15) Then he goes "CAS?!" as soon as he starts breathing again. ICWAW, we would SCREAM "LOVE" in this scene

"Imma find some way to redeem myself to you *looks at Dean straight in the eyes*" "*looks at Cas up and down*... Alright, well, one thing at the time, come on. Let's get you out of here." "I mean it, Dean." *eye love-making* "... Okay." (40:30) ICWAW, oooohhh, the meanings this scene would have...

Dean's face when the Leviathans tell him Cas is dead. Again. (41:18)

Episode 2:

Dean looking at the Leviathans occupying Cas' body. The HATE (1:44)

"... okay... so he's gone. *shakes while tearing up* [...] Dumb son of a bitch..." (5:14) Here we go again... I'm fine, shut up

Dean picks up, washes, folds and keeps Cas' coat (5:23) SWEET

"You just lost one of the best friends you've ever had." this hurts me. "... I'm fine, really." (12:11)

"You asked me how I was doing? Well, not good." (38:54)

Episode 5:

Dean progressively drinks more as his nightmares get worse and he misses Cas more and more. 3 times we see him drink, only in the first 12 minutes.

Sam can tell Dean feels like shit, and bet one of those reasons is Cas "Like it or not, the stuff you don't talk about, it doesn't just go away. It builds up." (39:33) Yeah, and not only problems or grief... even love

Episode 7:

Not a destiel moment, but Dean totally got hit on by the waiter. LOL (7:30)

And again. What is it with men in this town and Dean. "We're looking for a necklace." "Romantic. *looks at Dean*" (12:17). Is it an energy reading thing or something? Can they feel the bi energy?

"The Campbell brothers. [...] They weren't actually brothers. That was a cover for their, uhm... alternative life style." (22:40) Huh... I guess calling your lover "brother" runs in the family

"Ever since Cas... I'm having a hard time trusting anybody." (40:44) ouch

Episode 9:

Dean is drunk/high on Leviathan juice, and the first thing he thinks and blabbers about, is Cas (19:48) "I don't even care anymore." Oooohh ICWAW... the possibilities for this scene

Episode 12:

Dean totally checked out that man in uniform. FIGHT ME (16:27)

Episode 13:

"You're head's not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now-" "Now what!!" (39:35) as soon as Sam mentions Cas' death, Dean gets snappy

Episode 17:

Dean keeps getting snappy whenever Sam mentions Cas

"OH my God the love of my life is alive!" (13:02-13:06)

Dean's face when Daphne touches Cas (13:25), and when he calls her his wife (13:41)

AND HIS FUCKING FACE TRYING NOT TO TEAR UP BECAUSE CAS DOESN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT HIM (14:16)

You mean to tell me that ICWAW this wouldn't be seen as a mini desperation moment from a man seeing his lover in this situation? Yeah, I don't think so

"What if you were some sort of... I don't know, bad guy." "I... I don't feel like a bad person." Dean's face is like "Damn right you aren't" (16:50)

"He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?" Dean looking at him... can't even answer the question (19:59)

Dean says Cas' betrayal is something he cant get over like everything else. And that he doesn't know why. "It doesn't matter why." "Of course it matters!" (20:25)

Dean gets visibly uneasy about Meg being so close to Cas (25:34) jealous boyfriend is jealous

Dean doesn't want Cas to remember, afraid he'll leave again (32:18)

"I've known you for years!" (32:34) poor baby. Also "You're an angel." "Uhm, I'm sorry? Is that a flirtation?" DEAN'S FACE (32:42)

Dean doesn't want Cas to be hurt by his own memories and past actions (33:00)

"You used to fight together. Bestest friends, actually." Yeah, look at that reaction. Let's see how he reacts to being called his boyfriend later on (33:09)

#MARRIED!!! I'll just leave this. No comment (33:41)

As Cas regains his memories, only 2 of the ones we see are not of Dean. And the only one we hear is the "I'm sorry, Dean." . That is what matters to Cas (and this looks like a slash video. Kudos to the editors) "I remember you... I remember everything." Yeah, no-homo save (34:35)

Not even an hour earlier, Dean was ranting about Cas betraying him, how he couldn't forget and forgive him, and now he is saying Cas did "the best you could at the time", but Cas actually feels guilt and doesn't want Dean to defend him, but Dean does anyway (36:53)

"We didn't part as friends, Dean." "*looks at Cas up and down*... So what?" "I deserved to die." the look on Dean's face (37:18)

Dean gives Cas his trench coat back. The trench coat he kept, folded and all the the truck, for weeks. And that's not even Baby. So he moved the coat, to always have it with him (37:26). I'm not crying, shut up

Also, here, have a deleted scene that breaks my heart

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Episode 20:

Let us all appreciate that one time Dean helped a lesbian flirt with a dude (24:27-25:03)

Episode 21:

Dean is devastated about Cas' mental state, that he did that to himself to save Sam. Look at his eyes in this scene (16:08). Also, Dean still resents Cas for the whole 'New God' crap, but it feels like the real reason is the fact that he left (19:18)

"Cas! Don't make me pull this car over!" "Are you angry? Why are you angry? *puppy eyes*" "... No I-I'm..." #MARRIED (27:28)

Cas says he won't fight anymore, but as soon as Dean's in trouble, he FLIPS

"The angels... they don't care... I think maybe they don't have the equipment to care." (31:49) Touchy much, Dean?, are you trying to convince yourself about that? It feels like he's making excuses to not let himself feel anything for Cas. "It seems like when they try, it just... breaks them apart." ... OK, fuck everything, ICWAW this would totally be seen as romantic angsty reference to Cas

Cas is so lost in his guilt for what he has caused. He looks like a baby, and it gets worse when it comes to Dean

"Why should we give you anything? After everything you have taken from us? The very touch of you curropts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!" (36:50) okay damn, ICWAW all of this would seem as if they were talking about a love relationship between the two and you can't tell me otherwise

'HURT HUSBAND-MUST PROTECT MODE' (37:17)

"The bone of a righteous mortal and the blood of a fallen angel" ... shut up, I'm dying over these clues (39:11)

"What are you gonna do, Cas?" Dean's eyes are begging him to stay. ICWAW, we would point that out without a shadow of a doubt (39:40)

Episode 23:

"Dude... on my car. He showed up naked... covered in bees!" ... come on, ICWAW this would be a HUGE deal (5:10)

"Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first." (8:51) LISTEN HERE. I study psychology, and one of the first things they teach you is that jokes are based on the truth. HOW MANY OF THESE JOKES WERE MADE?! HUH??!! (plus all the "Dick" jokes Sam made) Also Dean's reaction with the jaw clentch... just saying

Cas keeps stating he doesn't want to fight, but again, Dean's in trouble? FIGHT MODE

"*soft shoulder touch, puppy eyes, serves Dean a sandwich*" ... SOFT #MARRIED COUPLE (18:27)

"You got anything to say on the topic of dicks?" you'd like that, wouldn't you, Dean? (26:42)

Cas is afraid he will do something to cause Dean more trouble. Let's remember he chose what he believed were his last words to be "I'm sorry, Dean.", but as we know, Dean deals with feelings by showing anger... Cas gets upset and copes by playing twister... pathetic. "I can't help. [...] I destroyed everything and I will destroy everything again!" for a moment, Cas is lucid, and expresses his fear, but as soon as Dean gets angry with him, Cas gows back to hide in his world of crazy (26:47)

"I'm not good luck, Dean." "... You know what? [...] I'd rather have you. Cursed or not." Look at Cas' soft little smile as it grows. ICWAW, this would be read as another confession (32:38)

"I'll go with you." SOFT

SEE??! The MOMENT Dick threatens Dean, Cas goes full Angel of the Lord on his ass. MUST PROTECT HUSBAND (36:52) and the utter shock on Dean's face is priceless

And here comes PurGAYtory

[Season 8>>]

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missorgana · 4 years

Text

hate me (but don’t)

pairing: bucky barnes/sam wilson, background pairings

fandom: marvel cinematic universe

rating: teen and up

word count: 4521

warning: swearing, smoking, alcohol

summary: Steve's planned a game of secret santa for the team, but Bucky's got other things on his mind. Like his crush on perfect, ridiculously hot Sam. And how he hates his guts. (university au, secret santa)

(my second 12 days of fanfiction fic!! which is totally not two days late... really hope this isn’t too messy. thank you @brandtwilliam for the prompt, i really hope you enjoy this ❤️ and don’t forget, you can still send me prompts if you haven’t already!)

read on ao3

Bucky is going to die.

Is that too dramatic? Maybe so.

But if your stupid secret santa turns out to be your stupid, ridiculously hot, too kind for this cruel world crush, Sam Wilson, who’s given you every perfect gift you could ask for, you’d feel like that too.

The only detail missing? He hates your guts, most likely.

…

Of course, the brilliant idea of a game of secret santa belonged to his best friend.

Steve’s always been social like that, which he guesses can be seen as a good thing, if Bucky was the same kind of extrovert and wasn’t dragged to everything by his friend.

Well, that he was being dragged to events might be a little harsh. Steve didn’t mean to force him, really. If the blonde just didn’t look so disappointed when he said no, Bucky might not give in every time.

And now, as the football team captain, Steve’s suggested a game for the holidays. It gets mixed reviews.

Generally positive, at least Thor and Scott’s in on it, Nat laughs sarcastically but doesn’t intervene, and Clint simply nods.

Rhodey shakes his head, and Bucky feels the same, but why not, he finally says.

T’Challa’s just as tired as he is of Steve’s games, surely. Alas, despite not everyone cheering, it’s settled. Hell, even Carol’s in on it, and she hates Christmas as a known fact.

And then there’s Sam.

Beautiful Sam, who transferred to Steve and his dorm, who his best friend met at a history nerd convention, of all things.

It’s not surprising that he got in on the team this semester. Because holy fucking shit.

Bucky likes to think he’s pretty fit, he can keep up with Steve, at least. Sam, however, just feels like he’s mocking him.

Because he’s too damn attractive for his own good, that is.

And seriously, he’s tried not to stare, still tries, during practice, but does he have to make it so difficult?

His arms, hands, calves, everything.

Like even just his jawline is perfect, come on!

And it’s been long since Bucky’s last relationship, he’d gotten over her, and a ridiculously hot friend of his best friend might be good for him.

Only problem, said hot friend hates him, first thing when they meet. No, he’s not exaggerating.

It was even before he got on the team, when he moved in the dorm, and Steve suggested the three of them have a game night. Bucky still has no idea what he did to Sam, but that evening, let’s say he got the cold shoulder.

And this guy only talks to him when he has to. Seriously.

“Hey, I, uh, I’m Bucky.”

“I know. And I’m Sam, by the way.”

Shit. All that’s spoken between them the first day, and this guy who may or may not look like a Greek god avoids him at every game.

Steve’s certain he’s imagining things, but it’s obvious, really.

Way to go, Bucky, crushing on the one person you’ll never have a shot with. But he’s learned to live with that loss.

It’s not like he got a realistic chance with him, anyway.

…

First week of December, and Steve seems to think ice skating is a good idea.

It’s supposed to be a whole team friendship thing once again, but a slight malfunction in the planning of it all, ends up having only Nat and Sam along with them.

Nat’s surprisingly sociable once you become friends with her. Believe it or not, Bucky thought she hated him too, in the beginning, but that’s the vibe she puts up around everyone.

Sam, on the other hand, seems like he’s pointed Bucky out as his mortal enemy.

When he’s watching this boy, which is probably distracting him too much during games, and class, and everything else, he’s never seen someone smile as much as Sam.

It gives Bucky this funny feeling in his stomach.

He sort of wishes he could make him smile like that. Or at all, really.

Sam’s always helped out Steve extensively with the last few parties he set up, because he might be an angel. He’s pointed this out to the blonde, who insists Bucky’s helped a lot too. Which, lie, but his friend won’t admit that.

And yes, he has confided this crush to his very friend. Bucky knows Steve wouldn’t tell a soul, he trusts him with his life, but the blonde’s also getting pretty impatient with him.

“If you’d get over yourself and ask him out.” is something his best friend’s told him too many times, believe it or not, Bucky has a hard time keeping quiet about just how ridiculously beautiful Sam is.

“Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen.”

“Why not?”

“He literally avoids me, I told you this!”

“No, he doesn’t!”

“Have you ever even seen him look at me?!”

Nat’s always there when he zones out, too many people and Bucky needs some peace of mind. He appreciates that more than she knows. Like he’s ever gonna tell her that.

This constellation they’ve made on the rink makes sense.

Steve and Sam’s testing their abilities on the skates, cus they’re annoying like that, and the redhead’s joined him by the sidelines.

The boys’ begged her to join them, because it’s somehow destiny that Sam should like everyone but him, and maybe, Bucky felt a little smug when she favored him and declined the offer. He’s not gonna tell that, either.

Twenty minutes pass by before she elbows him, “If I ask you why you own a handbook about butterflies, will I get a sensible answer?” Okay, that does sound weird. He’s allowed to have interests though, right?

Like Steve’s obsession with the British royal family is any better.

And this is a fairly new interest, to be fair, despite that he’s always had a liking for biology. But honestly, bugs are fucking badass. Steve didn’t judge him, at least.

“Well…” he starts, just pausing long enough to witness his best friend nearly falling on his ass, glorious, “It’s from my secret santa.”

She laughs.

“One of those dummies gave you a book about bugs?”

“I like bugs.”

“Fair enough, still funny.”

He even tries to give her a mean eye, but she pats his head like a child. Bucky supposes that honesty’s part of her charm, at least he’s always felt that way.

Steve pretends to be offended, despite being used to it, and Clint just snarks right back at her. He’s never met two best friends so similar, to be honest.

“Tell me,” Nat speaks up again, even though she’s definitely going to ask Steve when they’re done here so they can eat, which Bucky will wholeheartedly tag along with, “What’s up with you and Wilson?”

If Bucky was drinking something, he’d choke. Maybe he chokes on oxygen for a second.

“I don’t know you’re talking about.” is the answer, he even tries a laugh but it comes out anything but casual.

Damn her, she can always look through him so easily.

She lifts a sharp brow, “For how much you both hang around each other, you spend an awful lot of time avoiding him.”

Oh, if only she knew.

…

The second week of December, the Christmas cheer just increases. In the dormitory, anyway, since Steve and Thor’s in charge of decorating.

Makes sense, given his friend’s eagerness in social gatherings, and Thor being the tallest university student ever, probably.

And in extension, the dorm’s having a Christmas dinner. Once again, Steve’s idea.

This is nice though, Bucky has to admit, when everyone’s bringing food and there’s not the pressure of a dance floor or ice breaker games.

And since Steve’s idea of Christmas cheer is “the more, the merrier”, plus ones are more than welcome.

Rhodey’s brought Tony, who’s a bit of an asshole, but his girlfriend Pepper’s nice, and he’d probably say Bucky can be an asshole too, so it’s whatever.

Carol would probably be alone with her girlfriend Val (who’s also a bit of an asshole, but like, less than Tony) than be here, but seems like she’s taking a liking to Thor’s new boyfriend.

Bruce, he’s from the science department. Doesn’t seem like the party type, and Bucky for once doesn’t feel totally alone.

But all his pessimism aside, this is not totally awful. Might even call it enjoyable.

He doesn’t feel pressured to make conversation, which is nice, and one Christmas beer doesn’t hurt.

Except he may or not become sulky, when, surprise, he spends his night trying not to stare at Sam, collect the courage to talk to him and then fail to do so.

The boy actually catches Bucky looking at him. Midst eating. He just might have hid under the table.

It’s not like anything dramatic happened, really, but he probably looked creepy. He just can’t help staring when he’s so pretty, can he?

And, weirdly enough, Sam raises a brow at him questioningly. The most interaction they’ve ever done, probably.

Well done, Bucky, as if he didn’t dislike you enough.

What boggles his mind is when he, after the dinner, finds a bag placed neatly on his desk. Secret santa, he almost forgot, it’s the end of the week.

Inside said brown paper bag is a bracelet.

Awfully similar to the one he broke last week, he thinks, and the obvious suspicion falls on Steve. He hasn’t told anyone about that besides his best friend, so who else could it be?

It’s sweet of him. And a bit stupid, given that these things have to remain a secret.

But Bucky will play along. Besides, this wasn’t exactly cheap, isn’t this breaking the rules? Maybe the blonde just used this opportunity for an actual Christmas present, all games aside.

He shakes his head with a smile.

Steve’s an idiot, but he means well. And Bucky makes sure to hide the wrapping just before someone, who he assumes to be his friend, walks in.

Only it’s a different blonde.

“Bucky! I was wondering-” Thor sounds excited, however, he stops in his tracks and stares. Right where the evidence of the gift is hidden. Not so hidden.

“Oh, your secret santa!” the giant exclaims, twice as excited, and Bucky nods. “What’d they get you?”

He fumbles with the bracelet, now around his wrist, “Uh, this.”

Thor squints, like this task takes all his concentration, and giggles. Bucky doesn’t really understand that, but the blonde boy takes a seat beside him on the bed before he can question it.

“Seems like someone on the team’s trying to impress you. Anyway, look what I got Bruce!”

…

It’s the third week of December, and because Steve is just the right amount of stupid, he’s broken his ankle. Ice skating, of course.

So, today’s going to be a weird day.

It was already weird from the get go, because Bucky was still thinking about last week’s secret santa gift, but after lunch, the signal for his best friend goes over his phone.

Immediately he’s greeted with, “Bucky?”

The voice is just an octave deeper than Steve’s, and he doesn’t fully register the situation before his “Steve?” is answered with, “No, man, he’s in the hospital.”

Long story short, Sam called him.

It makes sense, because the blonde’s got Bucky listed in his emergency contacts, parents being out of the country and everything, and he’s got Steve in his, but something about actually talking to a certain, ridiculously hot friend makes his brain malfunction.

And it’s not like he has much time to respond before the boy in the other end hangs up, opting to text him the hospital room number.

And now here he is.

He made sure to leave a chair between the two when he sat down, because Sam finding another reason to hate him would only add to the anxiety he’s already feeling.

Steve’s fine, he assures himself, but Bucky has a hard time looking away from the boy beside him. Well, more than usual.

“People ever tell you that you stare a lot?” Sam’s voice pipes up, and he jumps just a bit in his seat.

God, he’s really not subtle at all, huh. Not surprising, given how many times Steve’s told him.

“I, uh- no.”

That’s all you have to say? Come on, Bucky, you absolute idiot.

“Sorry, I’m just worried.” he shakes his head at himself. And somehow, because the world is being weird in general lately, the other boy looks back at him.

Okay, it wouldn’t be that weird, if he didn’t sigh, “You’re fine. He’s fine. I promise.”

Holy shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Bucky can’t let himself get too excited, most of all due to them currently being in a hospital, but the fact that he couldn’t find a hint of malice in Sam’s voice feels like a surreal dream. Not to mention this is by far the longest conversation they’ve had, ever.

Maybe this is one of those things his stupid best friend would consider a Christmas miracle. Your crush maybe doesn’t absolutely despise you, that’s something, right?

Less than ideal, but oh well. Bucky’s allowed to dream.

This makes it considerably harder not to stare at the boy, with the added bonus of Sam now being aware of it. Just his luck.

But noticing the other boy’s hands tightly clasped in his lap, this odd blinking that’s a little more rapid than usual, suggests that Sam’s just as nervous.

Strangely, that gives Bucky some peace of mind. Usually, this ridiculously hot guy is a picture perfect example of being calm, collected and patient. Except with himself, of course.

Steve told him they do yoga together, so it makes sense, but it’s like he’s got everything under control, you know?

Bucky wishes he had that sense sometimes, God knows how behind he is on studying, and maybe he’d actually have the courage to flirt with anyone (sitting next to him, preferably) if his nerves weren't such a mess.

He wants to reach out and touch the other boy’s arm.

Maybe that would ruin the moment, though. Definitely will ruin the moment. Who said they were having a moment, anyway?

“Thanks.” Bucky finds himself saying.

And now, Sam looks surprised.

“What for?”

“You know, uh… for calling.”

Sam is officially a ridiculously hot pain in the ass.

Because they’re having eye contact. For several minutes. Like humans do, you idiot, is what he thinks to himself, maybe he should really just get laid already like Tony told him once.

The other boy looks at him like he’s got something on his mind, mouth slightly open, but looks away before Bucky can think too much about his lips and how soft they may be.

He bites his cheek.

And it’s like the world started spinning around them again when the doctor lets them in Steve’s room, but not before Sam hands him a bag.

“Steve was gonna give you this after skating, man. Your secret santa- it’s so stupid, but they told us to get it. Don’t look at me like that.”

It takes Bucky a minute. Staring at the bag of plums handed to him. Watching the back of the other boy’s head as he leaves.

Too goddamn weird.

…

The fourth week of December comes too fast for Bucky’s liking.

In fact, it’s Thursday night, and Steve’s rambling from the other side of the room, convinced Natasha is his secret santa, when Bucky just wants to fucking sleep .

He loves the guy, but seriously.

Of course, he hasn’t told his best friend his suspicion that he’s his secret santa, because duh, but also, he’s not all that sure since last week.

Sam told him whoever it is gave it to them. And it kind of makes Bucky feel insane.

Of course, Sam could’ve lied to cover up for his friend, because he knows he’d do that. Damnit, his crush is possibly the sweetest, truest person he’s met in his relatively short life, and he just so happens to hate his guts?

Typical. But Bucky also feels like something’s changed in their dynamic.

He hopes he’s not imagining things. At least, Sam’s started greeting him at practice, and that alone is a major change, believe it or not.

They don’t even uncomfortably look away from each other while playing games with Steve, and God knows they’re doing a lot more now that the blonde needs to rest.

Last night, he had another genuine conversation, and their friend has never looked more confused in his life. He did also tease Bucky for a solid hour about it after Sam left, so there’s that.

Ultimately, near 2am, he gets out of bed and tells Steve he’s going for a walk.

Bucky hates the fact that this secret santa thing’s getting on his nerves, which isn’t his friend’s fault at all, he just needs a break.

Going for a walk usually means going to the roof for a smoke. Yeah, Bucky’s not proud of it, but it is what it is.

It’s helped him de-stress during exams, mostly, and it’s been two months since his last, but he knows Steve’s right when telling him to quit for good.

Sometimes Nat and Clint join him, which is nice, cause they’re not that big on late night conversations, either. He’s mostly looking to be alone right now, though.

Bucky’s putting the cigarette to his lips when he hears the door opening behind him, and who he’s expecting to be Nat and Clint or a shocked Steve turns out to be the very guy that’s been on his mind for too damn long.

He might know his voice immediately. Shut up.

Sam gives him a nod as a silent greeting, which he replies to of course, and standing next to him, with considerable distance, of course, asks him for a lighter.

Seriously, his crush lighting a smoke shouldn’t be so fucking hot.

Bucky feels kind of pathetic, but oh well. This is nice. It makes him nervous as fuck, but after ten minutes, it’s like the knot in his chest unwinds and nothing can be heard in the silence apart from the night traffic.

Until, suddenly, “You and Steve dated, right?”

He might have a small coughing fit after that comment. “I-I, well, uhm, yeah, but like, when we were fifteen!”

It comes out more defensive than he wanted, and Bucky might’ve just gone to the nearest wall and banged his head.

Sam chuckles, but he’s got this sincere look in his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, man. Sorry.”

And because Bucky’s too tired to think rationally, he lets his guard down and smiles. He’s learnt to control his love struck smiles, as Nat once called them, very, very well around Sam, but fuck it.

It’s dark anyway, let’s just pretend they won’t remember this in the morning.

“No, it’s fine, really.” he scratches his neck, “I love him, really do, but he’s my best friend. Now I can’t imagine thinking of him like that.”

The shorter guy nods.

“Y’know, my ex, Riley,” Sam starts, because, suddenly, the air between them is changing, and it’s becoming a little more personal, “Think that’s same as you two. He’s like my brother now, honestly.”

They share a laugh on that, and Bucky tries to stop the butterflies forming in his stomach, he really does.

It’s on that the silence settles again, until Sam’s finished his smoke, too fast for Bucky’s liking and squashes it with his boot.

He did want to be alone, of course, so it’s whatever.

Just felt nice connecting, or something. He’s not sure that is what this is. December’s really changed his relationship with his crush, and albeit Sam doesn’t seem to hate him anymore, he’s a bit disappointed in this Christmas miracle.

The shorter boy turns before he leaves, however, “I mean, I’m more into long hair on guys, anyway.”

Well, he can’t just say that and not expect Bucky to look like one big question mark. What the fuck?

And as he makes his way back to this room, shaking his head, surely Sam didn’t mean anything by that off-hand comment, he finds not only his best friend soundly sleeping, but also a box of peppermint candies, his favorite, on the dresser.

…

And as by a whirlwind, here Bucky is, the last week of December, and Steve decided on an extravagant finale party, where the team would reveal their secret santa identities.

He hasn’t talked to Sam since that night on the roof.

Unwillingly, because the shorter boy’s started avoiding him again. Seriously, Bucky’s desperate.

His own foolery, thinking things had changed and they maybe could be friends, only his crush seems destined to hate him for eternity.

Bucky doesn’t even complain to Steve, he just accepts the fact.

In fact, he’s been nursing the same beer for the last two hours, still not being able to take his eyes from the ridiculously hot, and annoying, guy on the other side of the common room.

He doesn’t even care about the thought of getting laid with anyone.

Bucky’s too lost in this to think about getting over Sam, god forbid.

Besides that fact, he guesses the evening’s going alright. Natasha reveals herself as Steve’s gift giver, as suspected, his friend exclaimed in glee, Carol had Sam, Rhodey to Carol, Scott to Thor, T’Challa to Scott, Thor to Clint, Steve to T’Challa and Clint to Rhodey.

And see, that’s what ultimately leaves Bucky in the weirdest, stupidest, most ridiculous situation. He was, still, fully convinced Steve was his own secret santa.

At least he’d never figured Sam to reveal himself as the one.

Bucky wants to die.

How does the stupid hot, real life angel even expect him to react? He must know Bucky’s crushing on him. That’s probably what made him hate him again.

Fuck, this guy volunteers at homeless shelters, helps out every single one of his friends, he’s perfect , of course he’d give Bucky perfect gifts.

Well done, honestly, despite the apparent dislike.

They gloss over the revelation, anyway, Bucky himself too anxious to react besides the thank you’s, of course, and Sam looks at him the same way he did in the hospital that night. He’s officially going crazy.

That relation’s in the grave, more or less, given how quiet the other boy is. When he realises this, finally grabbing a second beer, Bucky just feels like crying a little bit.

Until the party’s well over, Steve’s puking his guts out in the bathroom, and he’s just tired.

Of course, that’s when his crush decided to find him.

He’s surprised, of course, but tries to fix his clothes and hair regardless. Who’s he kidding, he looks like shit right now.

“Hey, man-”

“Sam!”

Stupid interruption, goddammit. Bucky has the mind to apologize before rambling on, “Thank you. For all the presents, that is. You didn’t have to.”

Sam’s laughing. Not out loud, like, almost shy. In a Sam way. Fuck, he can’t explain it any other way.

His smile is almost smug when he answers, “Well, I kinda did in that game.”

First time his crush ever told him a joke. Cool, cool, cool.

Seriously, Bucky needs to calm down. He’s been here before, and after the night on the rooftop, he clearly did something wrong.

Must have, to make the angel hate him. There he goes, referring to him like a celestial being in his head. Anyway.

“I know, man. I just,” he’s almost interrupted by another groan from the bathroom, nevertheless, “I’m just Steve’s annoying friend. I mean, I assume you got help on that bracelet-”

“You’re what now?”

Update, said ridiculously hot friend of Steve’s now frowning at him. Probably the first time Bucky’s seen him confused, too, lots of new things happening. He can’t do anything other than shrug.

“Yeah. Man, it’s pretty obvious you don’t like me. Which is fine! Or it’s not, cause I've been... crushing on you ever since we met, but listen-”

Really, he could’ve continued for eternity, if his crush hadn’t walked right up close and grabbed both his shoulders.

Holy shit. Perfect Sam is so fucking close to him right now, Bucky looking right into his deep brown eyes. He never wants to look away. This is real life, somehow.

Even Sam doesn’t seem to know what to say, shaking his head, and Jesus, he’s pretty up close-

“Bucky,” he then says, “What did you think… was going on?”

That’s a weird question, so he furrows his brow. Steve’s probably still hurling, but he’s kinda zoned out all sound apart from their breathing.

Too dramatic. Like a sappy romantic drama. Shut up, brain.

“Like, with us.”

Okay, this is just ridiculous. Not as ridiculous as how hot Sam is, but it’s close. Must be a damn joke.

“Us? Sam, I’m not an idiot, you’ve been avoiding me ever since we met, and-”

“I’ve literally been flirting with you.”

What?

Now Bucky knows it’s a joke. Or maybe he’ll pinch him and he’ll wake up from this hangover dream.

Whatever it is, he sure knows what flirting looks like. Can’t do it himself very well, but not the point!

“Flirting?”

“Yeah!” he exclaims, suddenly seeming unsure of himself, which isn’t something Bucky wants to see ever again, making his stomach hurt, “Well, I thought so. That I was being cool, you know? But Steve suggested these gifts, and I admit, it’s better.”

All he has left to do is nod.

“Ugh, sorry.” Sam’s hands tragically leave his shoulder, scratching his forehead, and it’s official, confused Sam is adorable, “I see the misunderstanding. But also, I never got you alone, so.”

“Yeah, cause I thought you hated me!”

Well, this December’s much more interesting than Bucky would’ve bargained for. Ever.

Least of all that his stupid, ridiculously hot crush somehow liked him back. Damn, all this time he thought he had a nemesis, too?

“To be honest, thinking I had an enemy was kinda cool.” he tells the shorter boy with a laugh, because fuck it, this has turned into the messiest love confession ever, and it’s too late for Sam to take it back now.

Might as well ride with it. And of course, his angel of a crush rolls his eyes. But he’s smiling, just like on the rooftop.

He does also return his hand to the back of Bucky’s neck instead. Okay, cool. He can definitely keep going. Please keep going.

“You want me to take it back, or?”

“Oh my God, no.”

“Good.”

They’re so fucking close. Bucky’s head screaming at him. Those butterflies are probably fainting from exhaustion, at this point.

And they’re certainly having a moment now. Actually, they’re moving even closer, which he can’t complain to, and he doesn’t even care that he’s staring at his lips, until-

“Guys. I’m happy for you, but literally dying in here. Go away.”

Way to ruin the goddamn moment, Steve. He’s this close to cursing at the blonde boy, he loves that little shit, but seriously?!

Luckily, Sam’s in for the whole rescue.

“My room?”

“Definitely.”

29 notes · View notes

ineloqueent · 4 years

Text

Starstruck: Part 13

Brian May x Fem!Reader

This is Part 13 of a multi-part fic. Click the links below to read the Masterpost, the previous part, or the next part of the fic :)

Masterpost / Part 12 / Part 14

Summary: When studying at Imperial College in the 1970s, your path is crossed by a beautiful boy as much in love with the stars as you.

Warnings: swearing, angst (no, this is not what i was on about a couple of weeks ago)

Historical Inaccuracies:

Brian paused his Ph.D. in 1974, not 1975

I have no idea under what circumstances Queen met John Reid, or when exactly it was decided for him to manage them :)

Word Count: 4.9k

⁺˚*·༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺

“For god’s sake, Freddie,” Roger hissed, “don’t wake them!”

“You’re the one who’s going to wake them, if you don’t shut up with that shrilly voice of yours.”

Roger gave an indignant cry, but I pressed a finger to his lips. “Shush, darling.”

He pushed my hand away, walking off, before I pulled him back, forcing him to look at the scene before us.

The dappled morning sunlight flooded through the unclosed curtains of the studio windows, washed over the two people who lay in each other’s arms at the foot of the sofa. Whether they slept there because they hadn’t made it to the sofa, or because they hadn’t meant to sleep at all was not outwardly obvious. Considering they were both still dressed, and considering the fact that Brian— the insomniac!— was asleep, the last was probably true.

“Should we not just leave them..?” But I tugged on his sleeve. He sighed, “What.”

“When was the last time you saw Brian sleeping?” I said.

Roger made a noise of amusement. “I try not to make a habit of watching my bandmates while they sleep, Fred.”

I rolled my eyes. “Roger, really. He sleeps less than three hours every night, and even then, we couldn’t have had a conversation in front of him without him waking up. But look at him now.” I gestured to Brian’s sleeping form.

He lay on the floor with his arms drawn around Y/N, his embrace protective, and his breaths deep and slow, while she was curled into his chest, her legs tangled with his. His chin rested on the top of her head, and as he shifted in his slumber, she nestled closer to him, her fingers clutching the material of his shirt.

Roger shook his head slowly. “He doesn’t sleep, he never sleeps. But he’s sleeping now.”

I smiled. “He is.” I threw an arm around Roger’s shoulders and pulled him from the room, leaving the two lovers to their much needed rest. “Oh, Rog,” I hugged him to my side in excitement. “I knew she’d be good for him!”

Roger laughed. “You always know, Freddie.”

⁺˚*·༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺

You awoke to an assault of sunlight on your eyes, and groaned at the thought of it being morning already.

You had the feeling that you hadn’t slept for many hours, but all the same, you knew you’d dreamt something. You couldn’t remember what it was you’d dreamt, only that it had been strange. And beautiful. Something about walking in starlight, across clouds, holding the hand of somebody tall. Someone as beautiful as the stars.

With a wince, you realised that you must have dreamt of Brian. It was just what you needed, for him to invade your dreams as well as your waking thoughts. If you told him of your dream, though, you thought with a little laugh, he’d probably apologise for trespassing.

You sighed and pressed your face into your bedsheets, breathing in the familiar comforts of soap and fresh air and brewed coffee and books and… and…

What..? Lilies?

You flexed your fingers, only to give a start when the surface beneath them moved.

You opened your eyes. Just as Brian opened his.

You inhaled sharply.

You’d been asleep against Brian’s chest.

Granted, his skin was not bare, and neither was yours, so in the very least it was a forgivable offence. But it was an offence all the same, wasn’t it?

His arms were around you, and you didn’t want him to let go of you, so, selfishly, you did not move.

He reached up to rub his eyes, and you remained motionless against his chest, at once both reluctant to move and yet trying desperately to figure out how it was you were going to talk your way out of this situation.

His hands left his eyes, and without anywhere else to put them, he returned them tentatively to where they had rested on the small of your back.

A shiver ran through you.

“Good morning,” he murmured, his voice low in his throat, and achingly gentle to your ears. You dared to imagine that this was what he would sound like every early morning, sleepy and unaware of the world around him, direly lovely in all his softened beauty— half-lidded eyes, rosy lips chapped with disuse, his curly hair falling about his face in an unruly, untamed manner.

“Good morning,” you whispered back, unable to take your eyes off of his, hyper-aware of the rise and fall of his chest and the hum of his pulse beneath your fingers.

“I’m sorry,” said Brian, blinking in the brightness of the morning sun. “I can’t imagine you’ve slept well, atop this pile of skin and bones,” he chuckled. “I must have just fallen asleep.”

He still wasn’t quite awake, and nor were you, which was likely why the significance of this event didn’t occur to either of you for a moment.

Then your heart gave a little leap. Brian the insomniac…

“Bri, you fell asleep!”

“Yes? I fell asleep…” He frowned. Then his eyes widened. “I fell asleep?!”

He sat up at once, and you went with him as he laughed happily, hugging you to him.

“I can’t—” he stuttered into your hair, “I can’t believe it— I must have slept for hours!”

“Insomniac my arse,” you said with a scoff. “I woke up before you did!”

You snapped your mouth closed, realising how that must have sounded; you’d realised where you were and had continued to lie in his arms, as though you had a right to. Your cheeks flushed, but Brian didn’t notice.

He shook his head. “I am, I really am. I didn’t lie to you.” He glanced at his watch, and he was still holding you close, but this he didn’t seem to notice either. Or, if he did notice, it didn’t bother him. “And I’m not lying to you when I tell you, that was the most I’ve slept in weeks.” He smiled down at you, and you could do naught but gaze back up in response. “Guess you’ll just never have to leave me, Y/N.”

You snorted. “Is that a challenge? Because I’m not sure it can be done.”

“Oh sod off,” he pouted.

But you grinned. “Never.”

“Never?” he asked, the word made tender by the slope of his lips.

“I’ll never leave you.”

Something changed in his features, some subtle thing, you fancied. Perhaps the light in his eyes grew a little brighter, or his cheeks grew a little rosier, or his face moved a little closer to yours.

“Y/N,” Brian began slowly, “there’s something I have to tell you, and I hope you won’t think any less of me for it, but I… I’m—”

“Oh good, you’re awake.” Deacy.

Brian leapt away from you as though your skin were on fire.

It was, a little. But only where he’d been touching you.

“John!” Brian said in surprise. He hastily pulled his legs to him and stood up, swaying slightly, so that he rather resembled Bambi on ice.

“Shh,” Deacy hummed, and you realised that he was carrying a bundle in his arms. A very small, human-sized bundle. “Can’t afford to wake him, now that Veronica’s finally asleep, you know.”

“Oh, Deacy,” you said. You made your way over to where he and Brian were now standing by the piano, absently folding Brian’s jacket over your arm.

“So this is him… her?” Brian whispered, peering at the tiny face that was snuggled between the blanket.

“Him. Veronica gave birth late last night.” John’s voice had taken on a warm, soft quality, similar to how Brian spoke when he was around animals. You supposed it was a voice of affection, reserved only for moments of awe, of unconditional and overflowing love. It made sense; you used the same voice when you spoke of the stars.

“Which reminds me,” Deacy rocked the child in his arms, “happy birthday, Brian.”

Brian smiled. “Thanks. Shame the little one wasn’t born just a few hours later. We could have shared birthdays.”

Deacy lifted his shoulders in a light shrug. “Oh well. Now you get to keep your special day for being even bossier than usual.”

You laughed while Brian muttered, “You have to be nice to me. It’s my birthday.”

“See what I mean?” Deacy said. “Anyway. You should go to the garden. Freddie and Roger have something for you, from the three of us.”

“Y/N, you didn’t chip in?” Brian teased.

“For the last time, how was I supposed to know?!”

“It’s also from Y/N, now,” John said, “seeing as somebody neglected to tell her that you were turning twenty-seven today.”

“Why does everyone keep repeating that number?” Brian grumbled, running a hand through his hair. “I know I’m getting older, there’s no need to remind me.”

“Shush,” you gave him his jacket and a push toward the door, and Brian gave a little yelp of outrage. “The garden awaits, my liege.”

“You’re not coming?”

“Later,” Deacy responded for you. “Y/N and I are just going to take a walk to the kitchen.”

“We are?” you asked. You’d have liked to stay with Brian, to have his gaze rush across you every now and then, to see a small smile lingering on his lips when he looked at you. It was one of the best feelings in the world, to be looked at by Brian. Despite his tendency to daydream and just generally be far away, when he talked with you, he always surrendered his attention completely to you. He bled sincerity like a lifeblood, and you had never before met anyone like that.

“Yes.”

“Um, okay. See you later, Bri?” you wondered aloud.

There again was that little twinkle betwixt the hazel and green of his eyes, and your heart fluttered. If only he could see just what he did to you.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He disappeared out into the sunlit morning.

His jacket was still in your arms, and took a step to go after him, but Deacy touched your hand.

“Later.”

⁺˚*·༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺

“Why are we here, Deacy?”

“To have a civil conversation,” he answered simply. “And for you to get me a cup of tea because I got absolutely no sleep last night.”

You narrowed your eyes before remembering that he’d spent the last many hours at a hospital. “Fair enough.”

Deacy sat down in a kitchen chair with a little sigh. He had purple shadows beneath his eyes that curled like smoke, and his shoulders sagged and his hair deserved the care of a brush, but he still had that look of permanent sunshine about his features, as if his body was tired, but his soul could have danced about the room.

He was cooing softly to the baby, and he was truly the picture of a doting parent; he had never looked more at home than he did with a child held gently in his arms.

“What’s his name?” you said as you set to making a cup of tea for John, and one for yourself.

John smiled down at the bundle, parting the swath of material to brush his fingers against the baby’s cheek. “Robert. Robert Deacon.”

You smiled as well, regarding John and Robert in their little bubble of father-and-son.

You allowed your thoughts to wander as you bustled about the kitchen, feeling unusually awake and generally quite happy.

The kettle had boiled and you’d begun steeping tea infusers in the two cups you’d taken from the kitchen cupboard. Now, you found yourself humming as you stirred Deacy’s tea with one sugar, and your own sugarless brew.

“What’s that you’re singing?” Deacy asked. “‘White Queen’?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Quite a sad song, for the mood you’re in.”

You shrugged, “Good song.” You continued stirring the two cups of tea as the corner of Deacy’s mouth quirked up.

“You’re biased, Y/N, and you’ve been stirring that tea for the past three minutes.”

“What?” you said. “Oh!” He was right. Some of your tea had even sloshed onto the kitchen counter. Hurriedly, you wiped away the offending tea with a cloth, then brought Deacy his cup, taking a seat next to him. You sipped your tea quietly until John interrupted politely,

“Sorry, Y/N, would you mind holding Robert a bit? I don’t want to go put him down and risk waking Ronnie.”

“Oh, of course,” you held out your arms and Deacy showed you how to properly hold a baby, in case you didn’t know.

You peered down at the little being in your hold, and you’d never seen anyone so small. A little life, who knew yet nothing about being alive, and still had everything to learn and everything to discover. The whole world awaited him.

You touched a gentle fingertip to Robert’s little nose, and when the boy’s eyelashes fluttered you could see why John was entirely sappy over his son.

“We need to talk about Brian.”

Your shoulders tensed.

“Why?” you mustered nonchalantly.

“Because, to use your own words, you’re quite starstruck these days.”

“Haven’t I always been,” you murmured.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.”

“Luckily for me, I heard you the first time. I just wanted to confirm my suspicions,” John sniffed, drinking his tea.

“Let’s talk about how you can’t seem to write a song for the album,” you countered, perhaps a little harshly. But you were desperate to get off the topic of Brian, before it began. Else it would drive you mad.

It seemed to work.

Deacy leaned his elbows on the dining table and put his head in his hands, successfully distracted. “I don’t know, I just, I have no ideas, and Freddie’s off writing these musical masterpieces, and Brian’s got his… three-and-a-half, and Roger’s got that silly car song of his, and I’ve just… I’ve got nothing.”

“Write what you know,” you said.

“We can’t all be Mark Twain,” Deacy mumbled into his hands. “And how do I know what I know?”

You shifted Robert in your grasp, pleasantly surprised that he had yet to take up crying, despite the stream of conversation around him. “Well, what’s constant in your life?”

Deacy straightened up, shaking his head. He reached out a hand to hold Robert’s tiny fingers in his grasp. “I don’t know. Nothing, right now. It’s never been like this before,” he breathed. “I joined Queen to have a bit of a hobby, really, but then we wrote albums and went touring, and people started to know us, and now we’re writing a fourth album, and Freddie says we’ve already got the audience for it in the bag. And now there’s this— there’s Robert— and I’ve never…” He trailed off, shaking his head again. He sighed. Then, a new energy burst forth in him as he said, “Veronica. For as long as I can remember, for as long as it’s mattered, I’ve had Veronica. She’s my best friend.”

You smiled. “Then write about her, Deacy.”

John seemed almost taken aback that he hadn’t thought about this in detail before. “You know, I’ve just had an idea.”

“Brilliant!” you said.

“Hang on to Robert a second, will you? I’ve just got to fetch something—” Deacy was up and out of the room before you could object.

“I— okay then.”

You frowned, remembering the responsibility in your arms. You hoped he wouldn’t wake up, because then you would have no idea what to do.

You resolved to sit utterly still and silent until John returned, which would hopefully be sooner rather than later.

But the next person to enter the room wasn’t Deacy; it was Brian and Freddie and Roger.

“Oh, good morning, sleepyhead,” said Freddie, to which Roger smirked and Brian looked embarrassed.

“I thought you had to wait nine months for one of those,” Roger inclined his head in the direction of baby Robert.

Your mouth fell open.

“Roger darling, they only fell asleep together, they did not sleep together,” Freddie said. “Do you not know anything about the human body?”

Brian stared at his feet throughout this exchange, red as a strawberry and undoubtedly wishing he was far, far away from this place.

“Uh, how… how do you know about, um, that?” you asked timidly, thinking you were probably about as red in the face as Bri.

Freddie waved a hand. “Oh, Brian didn’t kiss and tell—”

“There’s nothing to tell!” Brian exclaimed.

“Look at them,” said Roger, gesturing to you and then Brian. “They’re like ten years old, there’s no way they’ve kissed.”

“Twenty-seven, now,” Brian muttered, “as you lovely people keep so faithfully reminding me.”

You, on the other hand, were too flustered to speak. Were your harboured affections for Brian so painfully obvious? And was he really so embarrassed at the prospect of kissing you that he was moved to shouting in denial?

That was when you knew for certain that there was nothing here, there. Brian did not want from you what you wanted from him, and though that was perfectly fair, you still felt like you’d been kicked in the abdomen, whilst already wounded by a heavy sword.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, “I’ve just got to go out— could— could somebody take the baby for me, please…”

“Where are the parents of that poor child, anyway?” tutted Freddie, looking like his greatest fear in the world was presently to hold Robert.

“Rog?” you asked despairingly.

“Ah, no, sweetheart,” he winced. “John might kill me.”

“Here, I’ll take him,” said Brian, ever the hero. “It’s okay, you go get some air.”

How he knew you needed air and not to be somewhere in particular was beyond you, but you said nothing as he slipped his arms beneath your own and took Robert from you.

Roger was staring at Brian peculiarly, but Freddie turned to you.

“Everything okay, darling?” he asked you with a frown.

“Peachy,” you replied, and left before anyone could question you further.

⁺˚*·༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺

You’d been sitting on the steps that led from the patio to the garden for an hour when Brian joined you.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi.” You tried to smile, but it was more of a grimace.

“May I sit down?”

You looked up at him, the willowy young man with the glittering eyes.

His lips were pressed together and it was obvious that he wouldn’t sit down if you made any sign of being bothered by his presence. But how could Brian’s presence ever bother you when he seemed to you the only kindred spirit you’d ever met?

“Be my guest.”

He sat down beside you, perhaps a little closer than you would have braved if the roles had been reversed. Then again, this morning, you’d awoken in his arms, so a little proximity should not matter to him, even if the air, to you, prickled when he was near.

You stared off across the rolling hills that were saturated in the green of summer, wishing you could think about anybody but the person who sat next to you.

“Do you want to see what you got me for my birthday?” he asked.

You smirked. “Go on, then.”

He placed a hefty book, bound in some sort of reddish-brown material, in his lap.

“What’s that?”

“Scrapbook. Of all my polaroids from this year, apparently.”

“Apparently?” you said.

Brian ran a finger along the spine of the book. “Yeah, well, I’ve got some pictures John and Roger and Freddie don’t know about.”

You blushed. “Oh.” Those kinds of pictures.

Brian barked a laugh. “No, no, not like that, no, just, y’know, like the one… The one I took of you? The one you gave me back?” He winced at his stammering, but you nodded in acknowledgement. “Yeah, no, they… They didn’t know about that one. I didn’t, uh, keep it with the others.” His fingertips tapped the side of his nose as he hung his head, his hair falling down to hide his face.

“Oh?” you said, for lack of other words.

Brian shook his head. “Actually, I have it here,” and to your bafflement, he pulled the photograph, the one of you, from his breast pocket. Then he opened the scrapbook across his knees, to a page toward the back that was only half-filled with pictures. It appeared that the last third or so of the book had been left empty. He tucked the photograph of you beside one of Fredddie and Roger and John grinning in the sunshine of the swimming pool. “They said that I should expect a scrapbook for each of my birthdays, from now on,” Brian explained, smoothing a palm across the page of photos. “This is the book for 1975.”

“And it’s not full?” you said. “I mean, I know the year isn’t over yet, but…”

Brian smiled understandingly. “Yeah, I know what you mean, what adventures could we possibly have this year still that will at all compare to Ridge Farm with you, hey?”

You laughed uneasily at your own slip of arrogance, but Brian shook his head again, his curls rustling. “No,” he said softly. “I know. I can’t think of how anything could compare to this.”

His words touched your heart, and you felt oddly as though he were saying goodbye.

Maybe he was.

“What was it you were going to tell me, this morning?” you whispered, fearing the answer you might receive. “You’ve been trying to tell me something for a while now, haven’t you?”

Brian nodded somberly, fiddling with the bookmark that ran down the centre of the scrapbook.

“What is it?” you prompted gently.

“Well, I…” He paused and gave a sigh. Then he closed the cover of the scrapbook in a decisive manner and turned to you as if he could only make himself say whatever it was if he was forced to look you in the eye. “I’ve made a decision that’s going to quite change the course of my life, I think, and I won’t know if it is a good decision or a bad one until I’ve seen it through.”

A sinking sensation stirred in you.

Brian took a deep breath. “I’ve made the decision to pull out of uni.”

And the air was knocked from your lungs. “What?”

“Reid’s booked us a tour following the release of this next album. There’s no way I can keep this up, this— this running back and forth between work and school.”

“But you’re brilliant, Brian. You’re top of our class.”

“Not quite brilliant, thank you, but yes, I know.”

You couldn’t contain your disbelief. Mostly, it was selfish, knowing that Brian— and not only Brian, but Freddie and Roger and Deacy too— would leave you for a very long time as soon as the summer was over. And if Heather’s staying at Ridge Farm with the lot of you was any indication, she’d be leaving with them, with Queen. You’d be alone in London, once more. Everything would go back to being what it had once been, cold and dreary and lonely and uncertain, and you didn’t know if you could handle that.

“But— but— I don’t—” You stopped because the words weren’t coming out the way you wanted them to. Then you tried again. “What about astrophysics? That could be your career too.”

Brian just about flinched, and you knew as soon as you’d said it that it was the worst thing you could have said.

You’d said what his father has said.

“No, I mean, what about the stars?” you said. “You’re in love with them, you wouldn’t— you can’t—” You were avoiding saying what it was you knew deep down you wanted to say. That you wanted him to stay. You needed him to stay.

But Brian took your hands in his grasp, and your breath faltered completely.

He was so close to you, and you were afraid he should hear the raucous beating of your heart.

His gentle exhale fanned across your face, and you wondered how it was that he could breathe so deeply when you could only manage a few strangled gasps, shuddering breaths that rattled your heart and your hands where they rested in his.

Your hands.

Your skin tingled where he touched you, it always did. But what of him? Did he feel anything when you touched him? A burst of emotions that left him gasping for breath and tingling? Or was this to remain one-sided, a fire that burned above the ice but never truly melted it..?

Brian didn’t blink, and you didn’t breathe. The only part of you that had not ceased to function, it seemed, was your heart; your pulse drummed in overtime.

“Look, Y/N, I know I can’t ask this of you, and god knows I don’t want to, because I know you’ll be asking yourself the same questions you’ve just asked me, but,” he squeezed your hands, “I have to ask… Because we’re not the same without you. Not me, not Freddie, not Roger— hell, just this morning, you’ve inspired even Deacy to come out of his shell and write us a song.”

You closed your eyes. “Brian…”

“No, shush,” he said gently. “Let me be the one to talk, for once. For once, don’t give me the perfect excuse to shut up and listen to you talk instead, because I’d do that forever if I could.”

His eyes searched yours with a gaze so sharp your heart skittered.

“I want you to come with us,” he said, and the sinking feeling in your stomach hurtled to a stop, having reached the bottom of a terrible pit. “I want you to come with us on tour.”

You couldn’t.

You couldn’t go with them, however much you wanted to.

And oh, how you wanted to.

You pulled your hands from his, knowing that the touch of his skin might very well be enough to change your resolute mind.

But you couldn’t let it. You owed as much to your own father. Your parents had always wanted better for you than a housewife running a pub, and a middle-aged man still trying to build a business from the ground up in a hopeless market. You couldn’t let them down. Your first loyalty lay to them.

“I’m sorry, Bri,” you breathed. “I can’t. I can’t, I’m sorry.”

Brian’s exhale was unsteady. “I know,” he said. “I knew. I knew before I asked you, but damn it,” he kicked his heel against the step in a spark of that legendary temper, “I had to ask.”

“Brian, I’m so sorry, I really am…” The promise of tears stung your eyes as your chest tightened.

Brian got up, the book under his arm, and you let out something like a sob as he turned to go. He was tearing you apart.

He clenched his fist at his side. “I just want you to know,” he said, and his jaw tensed, “that if it wasn’t for you, Reid never would have made the decision to manage us.”

“What?” you mustered, though your vision was blurry and you couldn’t keep your hands from shaking.

“No one told you, did they?” At your blank expression, he went on. “About playing at the Union Pub, that night back in February… You were the messenger to Freddie. Roger never left the house until thirty minutes before the gig, and Freddie told Deacy and me about the show. We wouldn’t have played there if it wasn’t for you, and that was the night that Reid happened to be in town, visiting some nephew at Imperial. If we hadn’t played that night, we’d never have got into contact with him. That bastard Norman Sheffield would have bled us dry, and we would’ve had no new manager to take us on. If it wasn’t for you, we’d not have been writing an album right now, let alone have had a place to do so.”

You were speechless. Such a small thing, to drop by Kensington Market and pass on Roger’s message to Freddie— and yet.

“So,” Brian loosed a breath, “I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“No, but I do,” he said fiercely. “And so I have even less right to ask you to come with us. But I wanted you to know. And I wanted to ask.” He sighed, and his eyes seemed older than time; he was farther from you than the deepest reaches of the unending universe. He let out a mirthless laugh, and not even the echoes of humour existed in the sound. “That’s the last time I ever do anything for myself.”

He smiled sadly, and you found that you couldn’t breathe.

“Brian—”

“Please don’t,” he said. “Please don’t say anything. I owe you, and the very last thing you owe me is an apology.”

“You and I don’t want the same thing,” you murmured, in place of the apology you so desperately wanted to utter again.

Brian looked as though he was falling apart, and nearly as much as you were.

“No, I suppose not,” he said. “But I thought we did.”

⁺˚*·༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺

A/N: okay but the picture is me imagining what sleepy bri would look like mmm

taglist: @melting-obelisks @sgt-stardust-killerqueen @hgmercury39 @topsecretdeacon @joemazzmatazz @perriwiinkle @iamsuperconfusedallthetime @im-an-adult-ish @ilikebigstucks @doing-albri @killer-queen-87 @n0-self-c0ntro1 @archaicmusings @cloudyyspace @annina-96 @themarchoftherainbowqueen @onlyyoudarling @annajolras

crossed out tags would not take; i’m sorry!

Masterpost / Part 12 / Part 14

#tina's writing #starstruck #brian may #brian may x reader #brian may x y/n #brian may x you #queen #freddie mercury #roger taylor #john deacon #queen fanfiction #1975 #1970s #fic

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