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hikakuriyyu · 14 days

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Tension. (part 2)

⁎ warnings: romantic slasher ? manipulation, mentions of murder, mentions of death, obsession, female!reader.

⁎ summary: you were fell for him. hard. the murders started, and you knew it was him. billy lured you into his dark and twisted intentions. it was so wrong. but it doesn't feel wrong... there was something stopping you. or someone.

⁎ author note: hi guysss ! sorry, i got shadowbanned yesterday TT thats why the first part wasnt visible in the tags :(. but tumblr lifted the ban so im backkkk. sorry this is even longer than the last one :p. THANK YOU FOR 10 NOTES AND 3 FOLLOWERS ! :D enjoy !

You barely made it to your room before collapsing onto your bed, the weight of the night pressing down on you. The ghostface costume was still crumpled in the corner, staring back at you like it knew everything you were thinking.

Billy had dropped you off not too long ago, that gentle look in his eyes still burning in your mind. The way he talked, the thing he said about love and Sidney ?—it stuck with you. You couldn’t shake it. Part of you wondered what he was really thinking, and why you kept falling deeper into this mess.

Your housephone rang, breaking the silence. You grabbed it, half-expecting it to be Tatum or Sidney, but your heart skipped a beat when you saw Billy's number flash across the screen.

''Meet me behind Stu’s place.'' his voice came through low and serious. “We need to talk.”

Your stomach flipped. Talk ? About what ? You knew better than to ask over the phone. Whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be simple. But you couldn’t ignore it either.

You arrived at the back of Stu's house, bringing your knife and mask just in case. The cool night air whispered through the trees, carrying distant sounds of laughter from the party. You saw him waiting in his ghostface costume, his mask off. He looked so devourable, as always. He noticed you walking up to him and grabbed your hand, softly to not hurt you, pulling you towards him. ''What's going on ?'' you whispered, making sure no one heard that you were sneaking around with Billy. ''Tatum and Stu are the next victims, alright ? You don't have to lift a finger. Just go and wait with Sidney for me.'' he answered.

Wait, so soon ? You thought you'd maybe get to hangout with Stu and Tatum more... You've only known them for about a few weeks but you already got attached. Stu's awful humor and Tatum's caring personality. You couldn't lie, you were going to miss it. Your gaze dropped to the ground, the weight of guilt pressing on your shoulders. You felt... guilty.

Billy noticed the guilty expression in your face. He frowned, tilting his head. ''What ? You feel bad ?'' he asked, his expression changing into a cold one. ''I thought we were in this together.'' he murmured. ''You agreed yourself, we would stick together no matter what.'' Billy added, feeling somehow betrayed. ''W-We are, it's just… they haven't really done anything to me you know ? They have been good friends.'' you said, feigning guilt. He stayed quiet for a few seconds before putting his hand on your shoulder. You look at his hand touching your shoulder. You feel his warmth rushing through your skin, feeling the way his hand grazed your shoulder.

You gulp softly before looking at him again, a slight flush on your cheeks. ''Is that why you killed Casey ? Steve ? The principal ? They haven't done anything to you right ? So just try to forget about them, you got me.'' he said, his tone genuine, but also laced with . But you couldn't help it. You loved him too much to refuse anything he asked you to do. You nodded, locking eyes with him for a short moment before both snapping out of it. Billy puts on his ghostface mask and runs to the garage.

You walk inside and push past the others to see Sidney sitting on the couch alone, zoned out and thinking to herself. You sit beside her and give her a smile, which was fake. ''Everything alright Sid ?'' you asked her just to be nice. She looked at you and smiled back. ''I have a feeling you and my boyfriend have something going on.'' she wanted to say. But she didn't like drama, so she shrugged it off, shaking her head. ''I'm okay, I'm just not fond of parties haha.'' she chuckled softly. You nodded and looked away before Sidney looked around. ''Uhmm, have you seen Billy ? or Tatum and Stu ? I cant really spot them.'' she asked you, looking just a little skeptical. ''Huh ? No, I havent seen them. Maybe they left together.'' you answered, looking as innocent as possible. Even though you were the complete opposite of that.

After a while, the party died down and people were leaving. Tatum, Stu and Billy were still nowhere to be found. And Sidney was starting to look concerned. Where could they be ? ''BOO !'' you both turned around quickly to see Billy standing behind you guys with a cheeky smirk. ''Oh, Billy, where were you ?'' Sidney chuckled as they kissed eachother hello. You rolled your eyes discreetly before smiling at Billy. Billy gave you a nod with his head as a greeting, and as a gesture. Tatum and Stu are dead.

''Hey, I kinda need to talk to you Sid. Privately.'' Billy said. Sidney’s eyes lingered on me for a moment too long, her smile faltering as if she didn’t quite know what Billy was planning. Sidney reluctantly agreed before they both went upstairs together, closing the door to the bedroom. You could feel your blood boil. What were they doing ? Why did Billy wanna be alone with HER ?! You were so close to just punching a whole in the wall. Why did he choose Sidney instead of you ? He clearly likes you more then why wont he just ask you out already ?! So many emotional questions were going through your mind you just wanted to know WHY ? You couldn't help but tear up. This couldn't be healthy. You were OBSESSED with him. About 5 minutes passed, and you heard a scream upstairs. Could it really be...?

To Be Continued...

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witchthewriter · 9 months

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𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬/𝐘𝐮𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐔𝐡𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐝, 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐧, 𝐎𝐬𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡 & 𝐒𝐢𝐡𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!

a/n: why won't tumblr let me indent conversations???? AND I am so sorry this is late xx

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

It was a bit disheartening that you all couldn't get back home in time. The harsh weather did not allow for hasty travel.

So, the group was a bit stumped on how to celebrate the holiday, not just because you're a mixture of Saxons and Danes, but because you did not have what you usually did. Not your families, or a roof over your heads, nor did you have a wonderful feast... that's what the group was most sad about in all honesty. (Besides Sihtric who has a wife and many chlldren of course).

But Uhtred settles everyone. Like he usually does.

"We can celebrate how we want to. Combine our traditions or maybe experience something new? What do you say?"

"Uhtred, our tradition goes for twelve days-" Sihtric replies, scratching the side of his head.

"Well at least we'll be back in time for some of it!" Finan claps Sihtric on the shoulder, slightly squeezing.

Everyone was onboard. (of course they were, all members of the group respect each other - and therefore their beliefs.)

With Finan first to agree, as always.

The night before Yule, you made everyone sleep in the same tent. Dragging everyone's sleeping rolls into the one space, ignoring the disgruntled comments from each man.

But as your found family, you wanted at least one night where everyone is together (even if there isn't much room).

Osferth and yourself are in the middle, with Finan and Sihtric on either side.

Uhtred comes into the tent late - making sure the area was secure (I know there would usually be a look out but just pretend it isn't needed for this night)

At first everyone fought over space, but as the time went on, a calmness settled in the tent...until Finan farted

Osferth was the first to wake. He stayed in the tangled mess of arms and legs for a bit; revelling in the warmth of his family around him.

Luckily, with Uhtred's forward thinking, he had gotten all your presents weeks in advance. And last night he wasn't only just securing the small camp. He had set up the presents outside, along with 'decorations' (which were branches and herbs he'd found. It actually looked very beautiful.)

Osferth quietly left the tent, standing in awe of what Uhtred had done. He started the food; as he's always done. Pulling out all the stops... truly putting in all his effort to make the food perfect

And Osferth really did outdo himself, because that's how the rest of you left the tent. By your noses.

Prayers and thanks are said before the food is dished out, and it isn't until minutes later that you and Finan spot the presents

"Aye, what do we have here?" Finan nearly squeals. His delight illuminating his grubby face.

"A surprise," Uhtred replies with an amused smile.

"Oh I love surprises, well, only the good ones -" you clarified. Finan nodding along in agreement.

"Well, go on," Uhtred said ushering you forward. Then he turned, cupping his mouth and shouted, "Osferth! Sihtric!"

When presents are handed out, Finan is the most excited to receive his, while Uhtred is excited to give them.

Sihtric does his best to keep on a happy face, but you can tell he feels guilty for not coming back in time for Yule. You know he misses his wife and kids.

Each of you took turns trying to cheer him up. But all he could find solace in, was that he'd be able to see them soon enough.

With full bellies and a twinkle in each of your eyes, you all laid down to stare up at the stars.

Shoulder to shoulder, you all felt each other's warmth, letting it sink into your body, into your very bones.

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ieatkeyboard · 5 months

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Obey Me Outfits

Okay so I was scrolling through tumblr and I saw this pic CREDIT TO @ewesless FOR POSTING IT AND ABSOLUTELY RIPPING THESE GUYS TO SHREDS-

I have some words I would like to speak

LUCIFER: The actual outfit is super cute and I like seeing him in relatively comfy attire but he's posed like he's taking a pic for his tinder profile. This poor man-

MAMMON: He absolutely is a model because the outfit is giving moldy banana covered in black sharpie and yellow highlighter tied to a string but he STILL looks good

LEVIATHAN: OHSHC cosplay done with clothes already in his closet. YOU CAN'T HAVE A BROWN TIE AND SHIRT WITH BLUE PANTS AND A WEIRD PATTERENED BLUE JACKET. PICK A COLOR SCHEME, BABE

SATAN: Oh honey you look beautiful. You're so cute. WHY DO YOU DRESS SO GOD AWFUL ALL THE TIME. YOUR WEIRD TEAL PANTS AND NEON GREEN SWEATER. YOU HAVE CUTE CLOTHES. YOU LOOK SO SWEET. WHAT WAS THE REASON.

ASMODEUS: Beautiful. You look gorgeous. STUNNING. HE WAS ALWAYS PRETTY AND HAD GOOD FASHION BUT HE LOOKS SO CUTE. - 3-

BEELZEBUB: The shirt is reminding me of pizza toppings and I can't tell if that was the goal but it IS what it's giving. His hair makes me wanna shoot myself. It feels like Asmo was like "NO WE'RE TAKING FAMILY PHOTOS AND YOUR HAIRS A MESS." and shoved it to the side- I like everything else, at least the jacket and pants match

BELPHEGOR: Yeehaw. He looks really sweet but it doesn't feel very "Belphie" ya know? He looks like he has a berry farm, not like he kills people and pranks his brother all day, every day.

SOLUTION FROM WORST FIT TO THE BEST:

Mammon: I'm sorry- Either wear black pants and a yellow belt with your weird shirt or wear a black shirt with your weird pants. You look great, Sweety, but let's be honest it's a mess.

Leviathan: If you want a brown shirt and tie, get dark brown pants and match it with the jacket WITHOUT A FUCKING PATTERN. If you wanna be blue, a light blue shirt, a blue tie. LOSE THE JACKET. BURN IT WITH FIRE. PICK A NEW ONE. OR DON'T! ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES, UNBUTTON IT A LITTLE AND LOSEN THE TIE, BAM. HOT.

Beelzebub: Different shirt- Anything else. Just wear a necklace or rings for pops of color.

Belphegor: You look adorable, but it's giving "I'm gay and I'm seeing my conservative grandparents on the country side". If you told me he willingly wore jeans, I'd call you a liar.

Lucifer: The pose is awful- The pants feel boring. Get a chain or something- AND DONT TELL ME HE WOULDN'T WEAR A CHAIN. HE WEARS A HUGE FLUFFY COAT EVERYWHERE AND HAS A WEIRD GOLD CHAIN/ROPE ALREADY. HE LOOKS BORING AFTER SEEING HIM LIKE THAT

Satan: You look beautiful. SO CUTE. Why cant it always be like this? You have the potential. YOU JUST WON'T TAKE IT. YOU DONT NEED TO LOOK DUMB. YOU HAVE OPTIONS. THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE LOW ON THE "Outfit solution" LIST IS BECAUSE I HAVE NO PROBLEMS WITH THIS OUTFIT. BUT I'M MAD AT YOU FOR DRESSING UGLY ALL THE TIME WHEN YOU CAN BE CUTE.

Asmodeus: Stunning, princess, going on a coffee date, eating little sandwiches. Perfect. Thank god, or I'd lose my marbles. When it comes to fashion, I'm not shocked Asmo isn't missing anything. The sneakers are chill and comfy but he still looks very sleek cause they're white. I just UGHH MWAH BEAUTIFUL.

#obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me #Obey Me Design Judging

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opinated-user · 10 months

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LO did NOT just receive a message from a blank tumblr claiming to be a mother to a 16 year old kid apologizing to her for her child's "obessive hatred over LO".... *facepalm* This is literally the "I received a message from a father who says his kids are in a incestous relationship and asked my opinion on what to do about it." That's just WAY too elebrate a narrative. A mom makes a tumblr just to send a message to LO, or any tumblr personality for that matter, because their kid is being mean to them???? Nah, smells like fish to me.

oh no, anon, you don't understand. this is absolutely one of the funniest thing that LO could do. if it wasn't because LO gave such a long and obviously crafted response, i'd even believe this is a random troll just messing around because it's that good. LO has never been funnier in her life. this, anon, this is quality nonsense. you have to appreciate it how utterly out of this world someone needs to be in order to do this and think no one will think weird about it. that's a great joke on itself. read how this "concered mother" is so very obviously southern and utterly polite. read how the mother tries to assure that her son "is a really sweet boy". read about how she's "concered" that her sweet baby boy is going to find a "problematic" person to hate online and this is bad, awful, horrible, because he might start blaming everything wrong on his life on this person. he hasn't done it. but he might someday, so the best course of action is to go to tumblr itself and make sure if that person is truly problematic. by asking that person directly. and obviously, everyone would admit point black to being a predator who has molested their siblings for years, catfished a friend, sexually abuse people, groomed a minor, etc, etc, right? right? that's a very smart thing to assume, right? so obviously, as a very reasonable, very maam, this woman is going to directly ask to the people accused of these acts if they're true instead of looking at any of the evidence. just read again how apologetic this woman is to someone she has no idea why people keep calling a predator. no, anon. this is gold. this up there with the kind of absolute nonsense that the whole "i was stalked by a online harasser and i drop kick him in front of my house in the street, i receive a concussion too but no medical assistance required, thank you" saga was. the cancer history can't compare. it's even funnier than the "concerned" father because that was just one random anon that maybe, if you really wanted to, could believe came from someone else. in this ocassion, LO made that account. she actually went through the trouble of making it. the answer of LO too is so funny. first of all, i need to ask: what does "minor therapy" even means? do they come in categories now? there's a "high therapy" that you only get once you have grind enough, i wonder. "reinforcing that he needs to do something else with his time" is so extremely vague that you might as well said "the solution to your problem is to solve it", but somehow making it this big declaration that is supposed to be the biggest help you can get on that situation.

she's treating this reply as it were this big moment of her declaring the truth of the matter... while addressing actually nothing at all. if you were a real mother who thinks your son is following someone that people are calling a predator... well, the first question is obviously why would you write that "predator" at all. but then the other question would be, is that actually a good reply? there's no screenshots, there's no archives, there's no proof of anything of what LO's saying. this is literally just "source: trust me" and it's meant to be taken seriously. LO has found LO innocent of all charges, as LO has declared. she thinks this is going to assure people that she's innocent. that's amazing. that's a great joke. the funniest joke that LO has never made in her entire career. i literally can't stop laughing just imagining LO doing all of this and thinking to herself "take that, Brittanies! now you won't ever doubt the harm you cause! even though i actually completely failed into portraying any real harm done, but nevermind that! take that!"

even in the case that this was a real person who saw her son's entire internet history and somehow felt necesary to make a tumblr blog just so she could message a youtuber out of the blue, LO's answer would mean nothing. if i was a parent, this reply alone would set a new field of red flags everywhere. and that's why it's so funny that LO still has this account pretending to be grateful for receiving what is essentially a big sandwich of nothing.

#lily orchard

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g1itchtree · 1 year

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Starstruck

Rise!Leonardo Hamato x Usagi Yuichi

Summary: Usagi plans a special date under the stars

Word Count: 2312

Content: Fluff. Lots of fluff. Usagi’s hella nervous the whole time. Leo is too but he tries to play it smooth. Tries.

Notes: Woo first post. Haven’t really formatted anything on tumblr before so sorry if it turns out weird. I’ll go in and fix it if it does

—

Usagi was beautiful in the moonlight, Leo thought.

The rabbit was currently at the wheel of the car Leo had borrowed- one of his many favors earned in the Hidden City. It hummed steadily underneath them, the old radio crackling and the busted AC hardly cooling them down. Which was unfortunate, since Leo could feel his face heating up as he observed his companion.

Usagi had insisted on driving them to their destination, wanting to keep the date he had planned a surprise. The moon shone through the window and gave his white fur a sapphire glow.

He kept his eyes on the road, but Leo could tell he was nervous by the nervous thump of his left foot and the occasional twitch of his nose.

“Something up?” Usagi asked, sparing a quick glance at Leo. “You, uh, you’ve been staring for a bit, and… well, you got super quiet, which isn’t really like you, so I guess I just-”

“Just admiring the view, hermoso,” He winked with a grin, causing his companion to fluster.

“Don’t just say things like that out of the blue!” Usagi complained, though a smile was working its way onto his face.

“Aw, but your reactions are just too precious!” Leo cooed, cackling as Usagi playfully smacked his arm. “Agh, mercy!”

“Never mind what I said, go back to being quiet,” Usagi said with a huff.

Leo’s laughing fit quieted down to small chuckles as he leaned back in his seat. “Okay, be that way. But how much further is this mystery destination? We’ve been on the road for quite a while now. I mean, what is there to do in Long Island anyways?”

“Something you can’t do in the city, trust me,” Usagi shot him a nervous grin, his foot starting to tap again. “Just a little further, okay?”

Leo nodded, placing a hand on the rabbit’s arm. “Hey, I’m sure I’ll love whatever you set up, okay?”

“Yeah, you’ve said,” Usagi sighed, taking one hand off the wheel and placing it over his. “But you’ve put so much thought into our other dates, and I’ve had such a good time, really. And I want to do that for you, but I never really done anything like this before, y’know? And I dunno, it’s a lot more lowkey than what you’ve chosen for dates, so what if you’re bored?”

Leo frowned a bit at that, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. “Dude, I’ve only really planned two dates, which I totally got from a blog. Our third was me running from the HCPD, and you just joined in and we messed with them all day. I’m sure whatever you got is fine. Another thing, it’s not a competition or anything, though if you think that would be fun then I’m down. But right now? As long as I’m with you, then it doesn’t matter what we do. We could go bobbing for apples in Meat Sweats’ grease traps and I’m sure we could make it fun.”

Usagi practically melted at that, his ears drooping slightly as he shot Leo an appreciative look. “Why do you have to be so unintentionally endearing?”

“I’m just gonna take that backhanded compliment without too much thought.”

“Yeah, you’re good at that, aren’t you?”

“Okay, nevermind, let me out of here! You’re being mean!”

Usagi cracked up, the moonlight making his eyes sparkle more than they would have. And yeah, Leo is pretty sure he could get used to this.

—

“Okay, it gets a bit steep here, careful not to trip,” Usagi instructed, hands over Leo’s eyes as they walk to their destination.

“I can trust you to catch me, right?” Leo hummed, turning his head to the rabbit, despite not being able to see.

“If you stop trying to peek, then sure,” Usagi quipped back, humor in his voice. “Now keep walking, it’s just up ahead.”

“You said that like, ten minutes ago,” Leo whined, though he picked up his pace a bit in anticipation.

After no more than a minute of walking, Usagi stopped, but didn’t remove his hands. “Okay, we’re here… just give me a second, okay? Don’t open your eyes.”

“Placing a looot of trust in me, here,” Leo teased, grinning at Usagi’s little huff.

“I’m serious here, no looking!” He grumbled, and wow, Leo could practically hear the pout on his face.

“Okay, okay. Here,” He covered his face with his own hands, letting Usagi take his away. “Better?”

“Mmh, not really, but fine,” Leo heard him take a few steps back and pause a moment, probably making sure he really couldn’t see. After that, he quickly scampered to work, hurrying around the place. Leo heard a few clicks and some music start up, piquing his curiosity.

After another minute of this, followed by a stretch of nervous silence, Usagi came back to Leo’s side, taking his hands away from his face and holding them in between the two.

“Well, here it is,” He mumbled, looking down and standing to the side so Leo could see.

They were surrounded by a few trees and various wildflowers, standing at the top of an overlook that had endless fields and some glittering ponds scattered around. On the ground was a blanket spread out, with more on top of it forming a makeshift shelter of fluff and warmth. Leo knew that they would end up cocooned in there before long, it was one of Usagi’s favorite ways to cuddle.

On the edge of the blanket was a picnic basket, already opened with drinks on the ground beside it. Fairy lights were glowing softly around the blanket, with a lantern to the side to provide more light. A speaker was playing songs from their shared playlist, with one of the romance musicals that they loved to make fun of but secretly adored singing out.

Altogether, it was the perfect spot for the two of them to just be.

Beside him, Usagi fiddled with his hands, drawing Leo’s attention back over to him. “So, what do you think? You can be honest, really, I won’t mind if you think it’s stupid or cheesy or-“

Leo cut him off with a quick peck on the top of his head, beaming down at him. “It’s amazing. When did you even bring all this out here?”

Usagi visibly relaxed with a sigh, bringing Leo to sit on the blanket. “Earlier today. I made the food yesterday with Mikey. He taught me some of your favorites and there’s plenty here. There’s also extra at my place. We got a bit carried away, heh…”

“Woah, no way!” Leo grabbed the basket and started digging through it. “Holy crap, pizza bites?”

“You do not want to know how long that took to get right,” Usagi breathed out a laugh, setting some of the food aside. “I’m pretty sure there’s still dough in my fur.”

Leo threw his arms around him and pulled him in close, nuzzling his beak into his shoulder. “This is literally the best thing ever.”

“You haven’t seen the best part,” Usagi whispered, making Leo raise his head.

“Wuzzat mean?”

Usagi reached around him to turn off the lantern and pulled away from the hug, gesturing to the sky.

Leo turned to look up, his breath catching in his throat at the sight. “Woah, there’s so many…”

Bright stars were spread as far as he could see, glittering like someone had decided to take a bedazzler and decorate the sky itself. Even though it should be dark as hell without any light, Leo could still make out the ground before them.

Usagi gave a laugh at his awed expression. “Can’t see this in the city, huh?”

“Definitely not,” Leo agreed, turning to look back at him. He was staring at the sky with a fond look in his eyes, head resting on his knees with his arms wrapped around them. Leo knew he had lived in the country before moving to the city. Had he missed seeing such clear skies?

He thought about making some kind of smooth move, maybe wrap an arm around him or even push his hair back a bit. But before he could decide, Usagi let out a little gasp, grabbing onto Leo’s arm with excitement. “It’s starting, look!”

Leo turned back to the sky with curiosity, letting out a gasp when sparkles of light dashed across the sky. “Shooting stars?”

“Meteor shower.” Usagi was grinning from ear to ear, leaning into Leo’s side and looking up at him. “You mentioned you’ve never seen one, so…”

“You remember that?” He asked, surprised. “That was, like, when we first started talking.”

“Mm, I have a good memory,” Usagi hummed. “Now quick, make a wish!”

A wish? There wasn’t much Leo could think of. Ordinarily, it would be for money or something stupid like that, ‘cause who doesn’t want to be rich? But… being here, Usagi nestled against him, he couldn’t help but think his life was pretty damn great as it was.

Well… there was one thing.

“I’m not supposed to say my wish, right?” He asked.

Usagi nodded, still focused on the stars. “Yeah, or it won’t come true.”

“What if it doesn’t?” Leo pressed, trying to push the knots in his stomach down. “What if… it would help it come true?”

Usagi pulled away a bit, looking up at him with a quizzical look. “What do you mean?”

Leo hesitantly placed his hand on Usagi’s cheek, trying for a charming smile, though it was more shaky than anything. “Can I… um…”

He seemed to get the hint, eyes wide and ears straight up. “Oh! Oh, uh-”

Leo took the hesitance as a no, scrambling to fix his mistake. “It’s totally fine if you don’t wanna, I just thought maybe, I dunno… I mean you just look really nice tonight and I think you probably noticed I’ve been staring a bit and, well-”

“Leo!” Usagi cut off his ramble, laughing at his surprise. “It’s fine, really. And it’s not that I don’t want to, but… it’s new? And scary. Really scary. And I feel so, so nervous.”

“Yeah, you’re thumping,” Leo noted.

Usagi squeaked, stopping his foot and covering his face. “You didn’t see that.”

Leo laughed, letting him hide his face in his plastron. “You’ve been doing it all night, hermoso.”

“It’s embarrassing.” He grumbled, loosely wrapping his arms around Leo’s shell.

“I don’t think so,” Leo assured, drawing shapes on his back. “I mean, you deal with my chirps and stuff.”

Usagi snickered at that, shaking his head. “Okay, but that’s actually adorable.”

“So are you!” He insisted, poking his cheek. “Like, whenever we go somewhere you always sniff a bit and your ears go around, like you’re investigating or something. And whenever I call you something in Spanish you basically melt. I’m talking ears drooping and everything. And-”

“Alright, I get it!” Usagi swatted his hand away, trying to hold back a smile. “Shut up already!”

Leo dipped his head down a bit, brushing at Usagi’s cheek. “Then why don’t you make me?”

Usagi paused, glancing down to his lips. “I… I don’t know. What if it’s bad?”

“The only way to get better is to practice, right?”

He gave a little snort, visibly relaxing. “Dork. You just want to kiss me.”

Leo grinned at that. “Maybe.”

Usagi smiled a bit and took in a deep breath, seemingly psyching himself up. Then he took Leo’s face in both hands and pressed their lips together in one swift motion, taking Leo by surprise.

It was quick and both of them had absolutely no idea what to do, but it was awesome all the same. His free hand found its way to Usagi’s waist, tracing his side on the way down. Usagi’s nose was twitching fast, tickling his beak and making him smile into the kiss.

After a long moment, Usagi pulled away, eyes wide but smile wider. “Woah.”

“Yeah,” Leo agreed. “Definitely ‘woah’.”

The two of them sat for a while in comfortable silence, just taking the moment in. That was, until Usagi started cracking up.

“What? What’s so funny?” Leo asked.

“No, no, I just-” He broke off into more laughter, ducking his head down. “I was so nervous this entire day cause I totally wanted to kiss you, and then you just go and offer it yourself- and holy crap, it was amazing. We need to do that more often.”

Leo relaxed at that, the knots in his stomach turning into butterflies. “Oh yeah, totally. Let’s start now, yeah?”

He playfully kissed his cheek, cackling as Usagi squirmed away.

“Wait wait, hold on, before that,” Usagi interrupted, holding Leo back by his plastron. “Does this mean we’re officially boyfriends and everything?”

That makes Leo pause, confusion etching over his face. “…Were we not?”

“Leo!”

“What! I thought that was like, already confirmed!”

“Really?” Usagi asked, moving to cuddle into his side. “I mean, people normally go on a few dates and then they take that step.”

Leo shrugged, moving them to the cocoon of blankets. “Yeah, but you hang out at my place, like, all the time. Thought we were past that step.”

“Geez, why is this all so confusing,” Usagi whined, ducking his head into Leo’s shoulder.

Leo smiled at that, brushing some of his hair back. “I dunno, I think we’re doing a pretty great job.”

“Please! We’re a total mess, admit it.”

“Mmh, maybe,” He concedes. “But we’re having fun, aren’t we? And we totally dig each other, which is a plus.”

Usagi grinned, interlacing their fingers. It was a bit awkward with the numbers difference, but they made it work. “You’re a weirdo, you know that? Total dork.”

“Yeah, but you love it.”

“Mmh, that I do.”

No doubt about it, Leo was absolutely sure he could get used to this.

#rottmnt #rise leo #yuichi usagi #samurai rabbit #samurai rabbit: the usagi chronicles #fluff #first kiss #stars #leochi

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stripedwolf88 · 10 months

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I'm not getting chased off Tumblr but damn the toxicity of people everywhere online is truly something. Why do people have be so rude and mean? Just because I think differently than you does not mean I think you're stupid as a PSA. I have done my best to not attack someone personally for their beliefs or opinions and I'm sure I mess that up but it is my main priority. I don't want to hurt anyone else. I know how awful that feels. Sorry for venting. I just feel that way about multiple communities but yeah especially the gaylor community. I just wish we could all just be kind to each other. It's incredibly tempting to just stay in this bubble with you all here because you guys are so supportive and maybe I just should. I just try and be more open to other people's theories but then they insult the people I have made a community with here and it sucks so bad. And it makes me not want to investigate their theories. Idk. Sorry again for the emotional dump.

I hope you all are taking care. It's been hard the past couple weeks for a lot of us for many many different reasons but just remember you're not alone. We can all huddle like penguins and brave the blizzard together. That would be nice right? Anyway, I love you guys. 💚

#gaylor #gaylor swift #lgbetty #friends of dorothea

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bottomlouisficfest · 2 years

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We hope you’ve enjoyed weeks five and six of the Bottom Louis Fic Fest 2022! Every two weeks, we’re compiling all of the fics from that period into one roundup post so they’re easy to find for anyone looking to catch up on fics they missed. Enjoy these amazing fics and give them the love they deserve!

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tides thrash inside

A fic by ifthat on AO3 | @lovehl on Tumblr | @omegalouis on Twitter

9k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

"How could I call you when I needed you as far as possible to sever our spatial bond?”

—

Hash Brown, Eggyolks. I Will Always Love You

A fic by FlourryLTHS on AO3 | @FlourryLTHS on Twitter

27k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Harry loves watching louis, it never gets old or boring for him because everytime he looks at him he finds traces of something new he didn't find the last time and it always left him in awe to call louis as the love of his life, he get to call him his and he get to know someone as amazing as louis. The way there's a small mole underneath his chins and traces of freckles wrapped around his cheeks like constellations. Louis is so beautiful to just sit and admire what he's like and the small omega didn't even know how beautiful and how important he is for him. That's why whenever louis would get inside his head and be an insecure mess, harry would kiss every tear away and would fill louis up with love. He never wanted louis to go to a drop again because of it so he always makes sure to give him enough of everything he will ever need.

Andy place down their orders as harry was still lost in staring at his muse that louis was quickly arranging their food in the way he loves to. "Okay we've finally got our hash browns, some nice sunny side up egg yolks.. and what else?" Louis rambled, trying to organize the many food his alpha had ordered for him.

"I love you."

—

how you sleep at night

A fic by loulicate on AO3 | @loulicaterecs on Twitter | @loulicate-recs on Tumblr

16k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

"-and...this is Louis."

And just that.

‘This is Louis.’

Louis feels like throwing up out of nowhere. So, that’s it then? Is he just a ‘Louis’ to him now?

or the one where Louis thinks he got left because he might be too much to handle, but then Harry appears in his life again.

—

Something As Simple As This

A fic by frenchkiss on AO3 | @lesbidirection on Twitter

35k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Trapped in a cabin in the middle of nowhere after a blizzard derails Louis from getting home, he and the attractive stranger who owns the place have nothing to do but... well, each other. It would be a real shame if feelings got in the way, and even more of a shame if a secret about this stranger's identity turned both their lives upside down and inside out. - Written for prompt 69 of the BLFF.

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hungry heart

A fic by raspberryoats on AO3 | @raspberryoatss on Tumblr | @raspberryoatss on Twitter

16k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

"So you're using me and my kitchen for a bigger paycheck?" Harry asks. "What do I get out of it?"

"What do you-" Louis parrots in disbelief. "I get a job that doesn't make me work ten hour shifts just to barely pay my rent while you get three meals a day cooked for you."

"So, what, you're like some glorified housewife?"

Housewife, personal chef, Louis doesn't care. Contract's signed and done; T's crossed and I's dotted. Louis will wear an apron and twirl his hair all pretty if that's what he wants. Even if the job feels more like some drawn out jail sentence, Louis hoes this isn't going to be a long summer.

—

Ding-Dong! Daybreak

A fic by thinlines on AO3 | @touchoflouis on Tumblr | @thinliness on Twitter

28k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Hungry for knot?”

The alpha’s voice suited his image so well. The deep, borderline sensual octave made Louis shiver. It was laced with timbre and Louis couldn’t remember the last time someone had spoken with a voice like this to him. But wait… Did the alpha just ask him if he was “hungry for knot”?

"Excuse me?" The omega could feel a hot flush underneath his skin.

All it took was a flat bike tire, confusing usernames, pumpkin flavored biscuits, a chaotically supportive dog and food deliveries at daybreak for Omega Louis to fall hard.

—

addressed to the fire

A fic by defenceless on AO3 | @defencelesst on Tumblr | @defenceIesst on Twitter

9k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Would you have come,” Harry says after a few seconds, voice levelled. A part of Louis wants him to snap — wants him to be the first one to raise his voice, because if there’s one thing he will never, ever do, is give anyone the satisfaction of saying he’s the one that starts the fights, “if I had invited you?”

No, Louis’ mind replies immediately, I wouldn’t have.

—

catch me if i fall

A fic by shimmeringevil on AO3 | @shimmeringevil on Tumblr | @shimmeringevil on Twitter

47k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“You– how do you–” Louis stammers before attempting to compose himself, fighting off the tidal wave of fear that threatens to wash him away in its wake. “No. You don’t. You don’t know.”

Every protest falling from his lips is in vain, because despite what he keeps telling himself, Harry knows.

Harry's widening smirk is answer enough as he steps forward slowly, walking up until he’s right in Louis’ space.

“You look like you need some time to process things,” he whispers with false-earnestness. Sliding a hand under Louis’ chin, Harry tilts his head so Louis is forced to look up at him. “Why don’t we take a little break and start up again later, so you can mull things over?”

OR - Lovers when on the stage but bitter rivals as soon as they step off, Harry and Louis have butted heads from the moment they first met. Locked in a stalemate that they hope to ride out until graduation, things take a turn when Harry learns that Louis is hiding a secret.

—

Losing That Reactive Spark

A fic by whoknows on AO3 | @crazyupsetter on Tumblr

12k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“You didn’t shock me,” the O says, yanking at Harry’s shirt. Harry’s eyebrows furrow, looking down at him. He could probably shake him off if he wanted to, wouldn’t even hurt him. Harry doesn’t. “What’s your name? How come you didn’t shock me?”

“Um,” Harry says. “What?”

The O sways closer, pushing himself up onto his toes as he peers at Harry’s face. Harry tries not to breathe in too deeply, too obviously. The last thing he needs is for someone to catch him obviously scenting an O that doesn’t belong with him in public. No matter how unhinged that particular O might be. That’s just asking for trouble.

“Is it broken?” the O asks, shaking at Harry’s shirt. Harry sways, more confused than ever. The bell on the door dings, and on autopilot Harry shifts them out of the way, allowing the person to pass. His umbrella dangles uselessly from his hand, not doing anything to keep them dry.

“Is what broken?” Harry asks.

“It’s not broken,” the O says to himself, fast. He shakes his head again, bringing both hands up to his face to push his wet hair back. “Just yesterday – ”

He stops, staring at Harry again. It’s a suspicious stare. Harry’s mildly offended by it.

—

Let me in

A fic by yourlionheartx on AO3 | @djtommotomlinson on Tumblr

24k | Explicit | Louis/Zayn | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt: Canon Zouis fic based on Zayn’s song ‘Outside’ - specifically the lines ‘the t-shirt that you’re wearing, that’s my favorite. Damn, I really thought that we would make it.”

Louis and Zayn begin messing around on tour in 2014, but Zayn's getting ready to make a decision that he knows is going to change everything, possibly for good. They just have to believe that they can make it.

—

take it day by day

A fic by localopa on AO3 | @gloucci on Tumblr

10k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“enemies” to lovers au where harry and louis secretly date and harry just wants to smell like his baby.

—

every witch way

A fic by falsegoodnight on AO3 | @falsegoodnight on Tumblr | @falsegoodnight on Twitter

36k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Heart leaping to his throat, Harry’s head snaps up in shock to see a person standing in the middle of the room. Someone dressed in a black sweatshirt that absolutely swamps his smaller frame and jeans that are cuffed at the ankle. More peculiar is the cat perched on his shoulder, blinking at Harry with luminous purple eyes.

“Who the fuck are you?” Harry chokes out once he regains the ability to speak, eyes widening as he realizes the carved circle on the floor is now glowing bright violet. “What the fuck is going on?”

The stranger simply raises an eyebrow, cat still on his shoulder. “You’re definitely not Cressida.”

The last thing Harry wants to be doing this summer is running his aunt's occult shop while she's away, but that's where he finds himself, bitter and bored. That is, until a boy and his cat stumble into Harry's life and turn it upside down.

—

reckless behaviour

A fic by nouies on AO3 | @nouies on Tumblr | @_nouies on Twitter

14k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Harry is a retired football player looking for a new opportunity. Louis is the image consultant hired to help him find it.

—

A Little Bad Luck

A fic by alltheselights on AO3 | @alltheselights on Tumblr | @alltheselightts on Twitter

17k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

"What the fuck do you mean, they quit?" Louis asks.

This man—demon, whatever—looks over at Louis with a withering glance before tossing the apple he's eating. It misses the trash can by about a foot, falling to the floor of Louis' kitchen and definitely leaving a sticky residue that he's going to have to clean up later.

"You kept getting yourself into trouble and their afterlife experience became too stressful, so they quit. After the fifth guardian angel quit their post last week, there were no other volunteers, so that's where I stepped in. I was getting bored of welcoming souls into hell anyway...they're so goddamn whiney, I'm always like, bro, just shut the fuck up—"

"So you're my guardian demon," Louis says flatly, cutting the demon/man/thing off before he can get any further.

He smiles largely enough to show dimples, which seem like a completely inappropriate thing for a demon to have.

"Exactly," the demon confirms.

—

And If Ever I Can Rescue You

A fic by armadillosunset on AO3 | @armadillosunset on Twitter

15k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Louis waited until he was on top of the criminals before emitting his light, announcing his presence as the alley lit up. “Didn’t I put you two away last week?”

All three men in the alley froze as they stared at Louis. The two crooks Louis recognized as a pair of brothers hell bent on committing petty crimes no matter how many times they got locked up for doing so. But the civilian — shit, he was the guy Louis had been watching earlier from the rooftop, the one with the long hair and the skinny jeans and—.”

“Well, if it isn’t London’s Little Ray of Sunshine,” the thug with the wallet sneered, pulling Louis’ focus back.

Louis Tomlinson is London's number one pro hero, owning his own agency with his best friend, surrounded by great friends and colleagues, and has what could easily qualify as the world's best boyfriend. But when a villain attacks a little too close to home, Louis gets help from an unexpected source to save the day and the people he loves.

Or: the My Hero Academia Universe fic that no one (and I mean absolutely no one) asked for.

—

This is how you fall in love

A fic by Halfwayhomelou on AO3 | @min-hemlighet on Tumblr | @halfwayhomeIou on Twitter

54k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

When Harry Styles' 16 year old daughter dragged him along to see her favourite artist, Louis Tomlinson, in concert, the last thing he had expected was to be invited backstage. Unaware his life was about to change forever.

—

Remember to give these fics kudos and comments, and spread their fic posts!

Week 1-2 Week 3-4

#blff 2022

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bingejesus · 1 year

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The Adventures of Capernaum High

Author's Note: I wanted this to be available on Tumblr for people who prefer that. I hope you enjoy this first installment! :D

Summary: Capernaum High School is no joke. Your identity is tied to your social group. It’s a world of cutthroat politics and every man for himself. Students vary across the entire social spectrum. From poor country bumpkins to the Student Council, the rulers of the school. For them, there is no second place or runner-up. It’s them and everyone beneath them. It’s an elite club that few if any could claw their way into. And if you did, it was because you had done something awful to earn the spot. But then a new kid from some backwater town moves in and starts to stir the waters, and students are drawn in by his establishment-challenging rhetoric. The powers that be are threatened. How far will they go to “keep the peace”?

Capernaum High is a cornucopia of social classes. Walking to it, one could encounter every type of person. There’s a girl with long dark hair and a ratty oversized T-shirt smoking out in the front courtyard. Her eyes are vacant and every once in a while she puts her hand to her head like it’s splitting open. An expensive car drives into the parking lot and two prep kids emerge with not a hair out of place, clothes white and designer. A jock with a punchable smirk on his face torments a poor nerd who stands there shaking in terror. Four country guys stand and talk near an old pickup truck, two of them sitting in the bed. All of them are in their own worlds, trying to survive and thrive in the lion’s den that is high school. There’s an established order. And no one dared to rock the boat.

Well, mostly everyone.

There were the troublemakers, but they were quickly dealt with; except one who was more persistent than others. He was known among the student body as Creepy John. Creepy John was the kid who ate a bug in elementary school and now it’s just an accepted legend that he still eats them. He was a skinny guy with long unkempt hair who wore the same outfit every day. He spoke his mind and everyone had to hear it. Quite literally.

He was standing near the school entrance with a megaphone in hand. The principal keeps confiscating it, but somehow he always has one anyway. Is he stealing them back? Does he just have a supply? Who knows.

“This institution is corrupt!” he proclaims as people walk by. Some stop and listen, and even agree with him. Others ignore him. And some just hate him. “The Student Council has no concern for the common man, only maintaining an unfair power structure!”

By some miracle, he hadn’t been kicked out yet. But every incident only made the ice thinner. And detention could only do so much.

“The Student Council exploits the student body and the school does nothing about it! There is a revolution coming, and when it gets here there will be a reckoning.”

“Calm down, freak!” someone yelled.

“Get a life!” said another.

One guy stood in the small crowd listening intently. He was dressed in jeans cuffed at the bottom, a pair of tennis shoes, and a shirt supporting the school’s wrestling team. As John continued to rant, he felt a hand grip his shoulder and steer him toward the front door. He struggled for a moment before another hand messed with his long curls.

“Stop, Simon!”

A boy in a tank top and gym shorts laughed, practically dragging the other one by the scruff of his neck. His nose and cheek were bruised but faded.

“Just looking out for you, Andrew. You know Creepy John’s about to get busted. It’s routine at this point.”

“They don’t like it 'cause they know he’s right!” he insisted, playfully pushing his brother away, “John’s fighting for the little guy.”

“Well, I don’t need anyone to fight for me. I can handle myself.”

“Oh, of course. That’s why Jeho was able to beat you to a pulp yesterday.”

“Hey, you know for a fact if Ibrahim hadn’t attacked from behind I would’ve won.”

“Sure,” he rolled his eyes, “It’s not like you were only winning because I was standing on the sidelines helping.”

“And I thank you for that, my brother whom I love,” he smirked, “We’ll get them next time.”

“You know it’s not a good look to be constantly fighting your girlfriend’s brothers,” Andrew said as they entered the hallway.

“They start it every time.”

The shrill ring of the bell alerts everyone to gather inside. It seems that even John gets tired and puts down the megaphone, and the crowd disperses. The girl smoking at the front flicks the cigarette onto the ground and grinds it with the toe of her old Converse. She stops and digs the heel of her hand into her temple, wincing in pain before heading inside. People ignore her. She’s unimportant. A nobody. The “troubled” teen. She doesn’t mind most of the time, she’d rather be left alone than deal with people. What’s bad is when they don’t ignore her. When they jeer and mock and make cruel comments.

“Mary’s been with everyone.”

“I heard she trades favors for drugs.”

“She’s such a freak.”

She curled inward and got to her locker, finding a note upon opening it. It asked her to meet behind the school during lunch, signed by a boy she was acquainted with but didn’t know very well. She glanced up and found him further down the hall, talking to some friends. Alarm bells screamed in her mind, but she silenced them as best she could. He seemed like a nice guy, maybe this would be different than all the other times…

#the chosen #the chosen tv series #the chosen tv show #simon the chosen #andrew the chosen #mary magdalene the chosen #john the baptist the chosen #the chosen fanfiction #the chosen tv series fanfiction

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phantomdecibel · 1 year

Note

Thank you so much <3

Personal answers aren't for anon, unfortunately :/

I think that I'm bothering a few people, both on here and irl, who are too nice to tell me that I'm annoying them. Because irl I see their expressions when they think I'm not looking. It doesn't seem like I'm wanted around.

And on here, well... I don't know, it seems like I'm troubling people every time I go say hi, or @ them in something, stuff like that. They have their own lives and I'm just, well, here

Sorry if it's a lot

-🌺

Aw shit :(

I get that – feeling unwanted can really make you feel awful and mess you up. It can be good to keep in mind that the only way to know what they’re thinking is to ask (which yeah, that’s terrifying haha). Sure, you can’t know if they’re thinking anything good about you, but you also can’t know if they’re thinking anything bad! Unfortunately there is always the risk that someone we adore doesn’t quite feel the same (I mean this platonically if that’s not obvious lol), but there could also be a million reasons why they’re making faces!

They could be working themselves really hard outside of when they see you, and are exhausted, but don’t want to bother you, so they try and smile and act like nothings wrong, until they think you can’t see them, because they don’t want to worry you, or bring down the mood.

It could be that they’ve got work or school or a sport they don’t want to do or they’re going to visit that one family member who always pushes their buttons whenever they see them after they’re done hanging out with you, and they’re thinking about that, and when they’re not talking to someone who makes them smile, it really distracts them and they make a face

Maybe that’s just their face, when they’re not really making any expression it looks like they’re frowning, or annoyed, so they always try to smile whenever someone’s looking. There’s a thousand different maybes

And here on tumblr – everyone has their own writing style, you can’t see expressions, etc etc. If you’re worried you’re bothering someone, send them an anon asking if they mind being @ ed or answering asks. I’m positive that the people you talk to care a great deal about you, and absolutely don’t mind you interacting with them :], we’re all just kinda hanging around

People can be exhausting, and terrifying, and confusing, but don’t give up on them, or yourself. Relationships of any kind take work and effort, even with the people you click with. You didn’t say you were going to and you didn’t ask for advice, so sorry if this a a bit unsolicited, but from personal experience, don’t try and pull away from them (unless you don’t like them or the relationship is toxic). If they’re still hanging out with you then they probably do still like and care about you, plus, there might be comfort in loneliness, but it also hurts more than you ever expect. It really is terrifying, but communication can go a long way, even if it’s just asking them if they’re in the mood to talk, or listen to you talk, or if they’d prefer to just hang out in silence

And most importantly – we are human. We are here to annoy and bug our friends and family. Everyone hates to hear it, but we are here to be, at least somewhat of a burden. That is what friendship is; to hold and to be held up by others. Everyone wants to be there for the people we love but never let them do the same – but that’s not how a good, healthy relationship works. It is a mutual give and take, it works both ways.

Being a burden or annoying at times does not make us any less loved. It is not a bad thing. We, as humans, are meant to be held up by those who love us. We are meant to have a shoulder to cry on. We are not perfect, and we are loved regardless

Even if it doesn’t feel like it you are wanted. And as you grow and live, people will leave, and people will stay, and you will find new people to want you

And one day, you will laugh, and you will stare up at the stars and see that they are never alone, no matter how far apart they are, just like you. And you will smile, and you will call someone you love, and you will be wanted.

#nothing to apologize for dw!

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ghost-town-story · 10 months

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Hello and welcome to the thing I've been excited to do since July, aka holy fuck CoFaS is 10 years old now

So a few years ago, I went and reread the very first story I ever wrote and it was....... a fuckin time. So when I realized CoFaS was turning a decade this year, I thought it would be fun to do the same thing (reread and comment in a tumblr post as I go), but taking one piece of advice from the last time I did this.

Aka this is gonna be a drinking game lol

The rules are simple: 1. Drink whenever I cringe 2. Drink whenever the nickname "kitten" is used to blatantly pad the word count (because I do remember that is exactly the way I got to 50,006 words that year lol)

So, I've got my emotional support bottle of wine, some snacks, a sleepy kitty, and the old doc pulled up. Les go.

A quick aside, this is the reason why it's an emotional support bottle of wine:

A gift from a while ago from somebody who knows I go by Starlight online :D

Alright, les go

And immediately gonna pour one out for the awful age gap we have here. Blah blah blah, not all age gaps are bad, but considering Aiden starts out 11 and James is 19........ *takes a big fuckin drink*

At least the wine is good lol

Ah yes, establishing from the very first line that CoFaS is peak "Aiden gets hurt/traumatized and I'm having fun doing it"

I'm also counting moments where I just pause and start laughing bc oh god what is this description as cringing lol but yeah Aiden and Sirius had the most awkward relationship to write for the longest time and it really wasn't until pretty recently that I actually started to nail it down and it stopped being so gotdamn awkward

Also right now there's literally no plot. Ok to be fair there's no overarching plot of CoFaS other than "snippets of Aiden's life" but there are arcs usually but. We're three chapter/scenes in and there's not even an arc going right now. It's just. setting up characterization I guess?

Also lmao at my worldbuilding. In my defense I was what, 15 and in the middle of high school shit? learning how to write on the fly? not gonna hold it against tiny me but I'm still gonna smh

Yeah this age gap is not sitting well with me anymore. Not at fuckin all Do I want James and Aiden to be cute together? hell yeah would I rather James be like..... 14 in this scene rather than 20? hell yeah

Look I understand I wanted to show the traumatic event *sparkle sparkle* but I just. That's not how flashback dreams work at all *source: mild amounts of research I've done since then. Also the fact that I doubt he would remember shit with so much clarity from when he was two and passed out for part of it

One credit I will give to past me here though, I still don't know if that's actually how two-year-olds act lmao

Okay so at least part of this is gonna be me reading shit and going "lmao that's not how it works anymore!" scene: Aiden wakes up from a nightmare, wants his dad to comfort him how it would go now: wakes up from nightmare, will absolutely refuse to tell anybody about it except maybe James or Lexi. And only if they heard him wake up Sorry Aid, you have daddy issues now lol (and mommy issues. More of those tbh)

Okay I'm so fucking glad I scrapped that bit of worldbuilding bc why??? would only 1 of the 4 nations have a special name????? that allows others to control them????????

James you are 20 and he's 12 do not darling him

Also lmao at the number of times I describe somebody by their age rather than ya know. their fuckin name

Also we still have not had any arc that lasts more than 2 scenes and we're on page 4. On one hand: yeah fair writing fun offhand scenes is still a thing I do. On the other: I posted this to Figment oh my god. Anybody expecting a coherent story just gets this fuckin. mess What the fuck did I even put for the summary on Figment? I hope it was something that explained "hey this is a gotdamned mess with no overarching plot other than Aiden's life" lol

RIP Figment. You were the real one and I simultaneously mourn your loss and am glad you don't exist anymore cause I don't want people reading my old stuff but I wouldn't have the heart to delete it myself

Anyways I literally just said that and we reached an arc that has at least 3 scenes!

Oh no I spooped my cat cause of my laughing this one caused by the fact that I never fuckin specify how healing works at all. Just that it works enough to cause the maximum amount of whump I guess. That may not be the right word but bruh I am nearly through a glass of wine by now lol

babby Aiden is babby. and mildly a mood lmao

James, you need to stop fuckin flirting with a 12 year old one day I'll stop yelling about this. that'll be when Aiden is actually old/mature enough to be flirted with

“Dad’s not really the comforting type.” THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK FOR HIM 3-4 CHAPTERS AGO????

this age gap shenanigans is gonna give me an aneurysm i swear and i don't know if it's better or worse that Sirius is endorsing these shenanigans

Alright kitty has woken up and says it's break time so i'm making this a mandatory "go bury your face in nearby fluff and regain sanity from this nonsense" moment

Alright, had my break for snaccs and arguing about whether or not I'll be sober in 36-48 hours (long story), time to get back into the shenanigans also we're on page 5/77 and i'm about 1/3 through the wine. hence why the questions of sobriety in time for dnd sunday. anyhoot

AND IMMEDIATELY INTO THE WARRIOR CATS SCENE

okay so like. ya i was a warrior cats kid sue me lmao. so this next fucking scene (or maybe the next next there might be a leadup scene) is basically me going "i want the clan leaders meeting!" and having absolutely 0 justification otherwise. so ya. it is entirely for drama and to introduce "hey lookie all these other elementals none of whom we care about except for kinda Flame!" (and now I care a lot about Water too. Rip fuckin Earth lmao)

and another drink for fuckin what the fuck descriptions

yeah okay this bit of dialogue basically hits the nail of why i fucking hate the fuckin special name for Flame thingy. just a la "don't use that name." "it's your middle name deal with it" and like, Sirius is not meant to be seen as an abusive father! neglectful, kinda yeah. absolutely Does Not know how to talk/relate to his kid? abso-fuckin-lutely. full on abusive? no. but that bit of dialogue veers into sketchy/abuse territory and i don't like it

thank you to Lexi for interrupting this round of "James stop fucking flirting with a young teenager when you're 21"

I seriously don't think I actually named Sirius until this point, 7 whole pages in some mild clarification, I write in wall of text style. this current scene is 2 pages long with no proper paragraph breaks so. yeah

Ah yes. another thing that's different now, Fintan's entire characterization lol

you know, I'm just staring at this scene like "this would be a great set up for some plot" but at the same time I know that this is it. It's this fight and then these wolves are never showing up again. guess they got beat up in one fight! cool beans!

Kiddo you're way too alert for somebody who's hovering on the edge of consciousness lmao

For once we have some James characterization that I still like! aka he's a dumbass more concerned with other people's (in this case Will's) health than his own!

Oh god I posted this scene on the NaNo website as a snippet from the story. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that this fuckin scene was inspired by the Kingdom Keepers series (that I haven't read any of since like, 2013 probably lmao)

Oh yeah! this was when Will had selective mutism! but also. Aiden, James is periodically flirting with you and hanging out with you a ton. How do you not know this world's equivalent of sign language by now lol

Look, I still absolutely fuckin love dragons, but I just.... why here?? especially since I'm 90% sure they're never mentioned again??????

Okay, so I may have fallen asleep after only 10 pages, but in my defense I was tired from work/shit sleep schedule, and half a bottle of wine Did Not help lol. Anyways, onto day 2 and the rest of this scene (and arc if I remember correctly)

Lexi is a menace and a treasure and I gotdamned love her lol. I'm making it official she's the saving grace of 2013 CoFaS and we're not gonna talk about what happens to her yet

Oh Will you sweet awkward not-yet-a-sassy-sarcastic-bitch of a child <3

And again. Would much rather James be like, 15/16 in this scene than fuckin 21

I lied. There's one more scene to finish out this arc whoops lol

Again with the fuckin out-of-body experiences to show important plot points. like bitch just change perspectives you're gonna do it later anyways!

Two things I love *sarcasm* about this 1. I did no editing even when posting this to Figment. I coulda gone back and just made this random nameless healer Seren, but nooooooo Did Not think about that until now probably 2. Logically, why the fuck is James in this scene? Boi is getting invited to shenanigans he should not realistically be invited to lol

I like how I can recognize which arc this is from Sirius's first line bad news: I dislike this arc for many reasons now. tldr don't like it cause of compulsory/systematic heteronormativity, forced/arranged marriage of a goddamn 14 year old, more sketch age gaps (tho 5 years is better than the James/Aiden gap of 8), and the fact that I 100% fridged Lexi cause said systematic heteronormativity made her get in the way of my ship.

Anyways Sirius and Aiden interactions are still so awkward and ngl, I'm looking forward to [redacted unless you know of the CoFaS rewrite] bc it'll mean the end of the awkwardness

And James is immediately jealous. It would be kinda cute in an angsty way if he wasn't 22 (to clarify, jealous but trying to hide it cause he ain't gonna fuck up his sister's and best friend's "happiness")

Protective older brother speech? yeah okay questioning Aiden about if he actually loves Lexi? okay back off ma dude (also fun aside: my oldest brother "threatened" both of my exes while I was dating them. Cyrus was terrified of him for basically the rest of the time I knew him. Screw went "lol bet". So while these incidents were still a few years off for 2013 me, yeah I can see what inspired James's speech here lol)

OH MY GOD JAMES THAT'S HOW YOU GET EXECUTED FOR REGICIDE FUCKIN HELL

also lmao at the tiny-me not swearing bits

oh look, a perspective shift! wonder why I didn't use that earlier *deadpan stare*

Okay James is being a solid angsty drama queen this entire scene, which fair angst whatever but I gotta object to one thing and that is I don't really think losing your wings and watching someone you love marry your sister are really comparable here dude

also bud have you even asked Lexi if she loves Aiden or are you just assuming this is a marriage of convenience from all sides? (I sincerely don't know the answer for 2013 CoFaS. The answer for rewrite is yes love all around baybe)

heh, telepathy is just ported over from the OG universe just cuz

This also might've been the origin for Will calling her Lex and James calling her Lexi. Maybe. It's quite possible.

Oh James. You're such an overdramatic pining asshole lol

And that wedding scene is making me honestly contemplate finishing my glass of wine except it's a bit too full but several drinks are in order cause 1. No idea (then and now tbh) how "typical" weddings work 2. more broody jealous James 3. the knowledge of the gotdamn fridging to come 4. oh yeah the middle name shenanigans as well

oh and we immediately skip straight to the fridging! okay! goddamn! no goddamn martial bliss scenes for these two! nope just immediate "yeah Lexi's dying now" god I feel so bad for Lexi in this

Yeah okay maybe it's the fact that I'm a slut for angst but this scene was.... pretty good? like

Aiden let out a sound that was almost a hiccup, and he bit his lower lip hard to prevent any more sound from escaping.

goddamn that's a line I'd still use now tbh is the scene perfect? no Is it the best thing I've read so far of CoFaS? probably

also fun fact this is Alec's first appearance as a character. And it's the reason why in Band AU/basically anywhere else he appears he dyes his hair burgundy, cause that's his hair color in CoFaS. Callbacks yo

James. James now is not the fucking time. have some gotdamn respect for Lexi and stahp

I think this scene is gonna finish off my emotional support wine. We've got James flirting at inappropriate times! We've got awkward af Sirius trying to be a good dad! We've got more James flirting! and being mildly manipulative! fuckin hell!

Ya okay I know I like drama but this shit is hella toxic

Look I have no idea how old Aiden is right now but I'm gonna solidly say he's still too young for you to darling him James especially right after that emotional rollercoaster you put him through

"'If you're jealous,' [James said]" I'm sorry sir who's the jealous one in this relationship cause I'm pretty damn sure it ain't Aiden

Oh my god Aiden is 16. For fuck's sake man

"As James approached his room, which he rarely used now, and Aiden’s, which he was in far too often to be proper," I'm not giving y'all the end of this line but I like it lol

Yeah this is. definitely a sign of how I've changed over the years past-me: doesn't like unhappy endings at all, therefore *magically* gives Aiden his wings back bc it'd be too sad if he didn't have them now-me: BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY BAYBE (aka he has stumps of wings and they never grow back. just enough for tattered feathers and bitter reminders)

and Awkward Sirius makes an immediate reappearance! and like, cool, you're cool with your son being gay, but maybe you should be having an issue with the fact that he's 16 and James is 24 ffs

“[Dumb] names have power.” “I know. You tend to use mine a lot when I’m being unruly.” I! Hate! This! Worldbuilding! Thank Fuck It's Scrapped!!

Wait. Wait wait wait. so whoever gives them the dumb name-- actually fuckit i'm too tipsy again to explain this I'll just quote the snippet

It’s not just the name itself that has power, but who gives it to him. For example, if your mother had been the one to give you your [dumb] name, then you would have been loyal to her, even at the cost of your wings.

THEN WHO DID ACTUALLY GIVE AIDEN HIS NAME???? I'd assume it'd have to be a Person of Flame due to ya know. It being a Flame thing but like. Then who??? Fintan????? some rando????? not Ashton cause he wasn't born yet (at least in redone canon but still they're close enough in age that he would have been unborn or babby af) but. who the fuck gave Aiden his name then?????????????? We don't get a fuckin answer and I'm not sure I ever had one!!!!

so sometimes I have to laugh cause otherwise i'd have to scream "what the fuck" at this and i have neighbors and it's currently 10 pm and I like to have the moral high ground thank you very much (over their dumbass yappy dog who barks at 1 am sometimes) but anyhoot I start laughing and woke up my kitty so while she bullies me I'm implementing another "bury face in the fluff and maybe get a snacc" break

Alright have gotten some snaccs again, bullied nats for a bit (<3), discovered that bubbly pink moscato is sadly Not It and broke out the second, non-emotional-support bottle of rosé. Time to continue Also we're now 22 pages in. we're doin great lol

they're married now and i'm still smh at how fuckin young Aiden is for this relationship. goddamn I like how I aged Aiden up for all of the main tragedies but I made them hit way fuckin harder in the rewrite. (he's 16/17 in original, ~20 if i remember correctly in rewrite) (also 2 vs 8/10? for wings)

Ah yes, an actually reoccurring antagonist: humanity :P

also yeah baby me did not like the thought of her uwu-baby characters actually killing people. p sure I made the faceless waves of enemies in the OG story robots for that purpose, and now James is just knocking people out cause he don't wanna kill how the fuck did he get promoted to head guard at this rate Sirius what the fuck is the state of your guards Do I think irl murder is bad? yes! do I think that characters and stories are a different matter and there's a lotta nuance! also yes! is this shit that may get me "cancelled"? probably!! but fuckin hell rené's arc in the superhero wip is gonna cause that anyways!

meanwhile I'm pretty sure Will just electrocuted like at least a dozen people and I'm fine with that XD "unconscious from electrocution" now I'm not doctor and I don't want to concern my dad by texting him "hey if you get electrocuted is it 100% chance of death or like 50/50 between death and unconsciousness?" and my selo (med student) is probably asleep by now, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say if they're unconscious, they're probably pretty dang close to death *take everything said just above with a grain of salt. again, i'm not a doctor, i'm tipsy, and i don't feel like googling this shit lol

Okay I distinctly remember this bit was inspired by this series I read called Eon/Eona? specifically the part where the emperor had the necklace of his position sewn to his throat. pretty fuckin metal for it to stick with me better than the title of the books lmao. But yeah. That's where the initial idea of the leaders' "necklaces" came from

James is once again a dumbass about his own health in favor of worrying about others! (this time Aiden)

90% sure this isn't how the medical side of this works

seriously why can't the kid have a sedative or three lol

and some potential gross medical negligence here but hey, who's counting! what doctors are gonna read this shit! (maybe selo, if she read the original while it was up on Figment lol but that was well before she was a med student)

absolutely not the point but something got corrupted somewhere in the what, 4 computer swaps since this was written? and now there's just a random "emoji error" box at the end of this paragraph and I don't know why lol cause I swear I never put emojis of any sort in my official writing (except for stuff that was explicitly characters texting) and definitely not at the end of the paragraph where Aiden's about to go to his father's funeral

ok it wasn't technically medical negligence cause James basically discharged himself against medical advice/medical attempts to keep him in bed lol

I am fairly certain that unless Alec is on a chair right now, that action should be impossible without Aiden leaning/crouching down, except I just say "reach". ffs and Aiden's definitely standing so i really dunno lol

Yeah I just couldn't write formal ceremony stuff for shit lol

There's so much going on that I'm just like. man. what the fuck. so much drama. so much sketchy stuff happening in the name of "i love you"

oh it's mild flashback time to a different POV okay lol

okay so. James. how do you not know about Aiden's fire powers? bc again. known each other for basically Aiden's whole life and also. pretty sure Aiden saved James's life earlier with them (but i don't remember cause i was tipsy when I read that last night and I don't wanna backtrack lol)

okay again. I have no idea how two-year-olds work. but i get the feeling this is...... not quite right?

Whump time!!

ah yes, overprotective James

yeah for the most part that wasn't bad until the last fuckin bit. You know, Sirius may be dead now but I think Fintan decided he was immediately going to step into the role of "awkward father figure" for Aiden smh

whump whump!!

ah yes, the ol' "christianity apparently exists in this universe cause i'm very raised catholic!"

babby Alec!!!! again not sure if I'm writing him right for a two year old but I don't care right now it's babby Alec and Ryder! (oh yeah Ryder is also originally from CoFaS lol)

"I'm Sky. Look I'll show you my dad is Sky." Alec honey you have wings that's proof enough that you're at least part Sky oh now you mention the wings! smh child

okay it's official Alec and Ryder are carrying the story with their cuteness cause I don't have to facepalm every time they flirt (when they're older) cause they're actually close to the same age! no sketch ass age gaps here!!

lmao Ashton's first bit of actual characterization. He's not bad as a character, just... underutilized probably

Alanna-now-Laguna! now the babbiest of babbies now that Alec's eight

but good news I think we're at the age where I can reluctantly be okay with the Aiden/James relationship.

oh yeah! I didn't exactly forget but I definitely got surprised by the revelation that Aiden's mother and the guy who helped cut off his wings were actually married

Okay actually I wanna outline what the fuck is happening a la Ashley (Aiden's mother, gonna be renamed like Ashton), Sirius, nameless guy, and Ashton (at least in the rewrite version, though 2013 was mostly similar) so. Ashley and nameless guy are married for love. partners in crime and all that jazz Sirius has a mild crush on Ashley since basically he's a teenager, but due to unspecified war between the Sky and Flame, obviously does not act on that until his father dies and Sirius goes "hey Fintan. Wanna end this war and do political marriage stuff wink wink" So, (this is specifically rewrite lore), they get married, with the stipulation that their first child will be the heir to the Sky, and their second will be heir to Flame, as at the time Ashley was Fintan's only child and therefore the heir to Flame. Ashley is Not Happy, but since marriage to nameless guy was basically secret shotgun wedding, Fintan doesn't know and she doesn't want to tell him about it. Plus, she's like "nah let's keep going with this war stuff I kinda hate Sky." well due to political shenanigans she gets strongarmed into the political marriage, but she and nameless dude conspire that okay, if she has to do this, then she's gonna take down the Sky Kingdom from the inside, using her child the heir of the Sky (Aiden) She refuses to have a second child, which Fintan catches onto after a while, and either planned or a happy accident, Ashton is born and declared the heir of Flame Ashley then kidnaps Aiden once his wings grow and cuts them off so he'll look a better Flame puppet, things backfire and she gets caught and imprisoned for that, with nameless guy slipping free of justice

and apparently in the 2013 version Ashley and nameless guy planned to kill off Sirius if Aiden was born Flame, and when he was born Sky they cut off his wings basically out of spite so there's that, and also planned to throw Ashley under the bus for cutting off Aiden's wings so nameless guy could keep their evil plans going.

also apparently I used to not be consistent whether I used Sky or Air. Cause Aiden's referred to as a Child of Air here, but in the title it's very specifically Child of Flame and Sky, and I've definitely standardized it to be the Sky by now

Aiden honey it's the simplest fucking code and Fintan practically gave it to you I'm begging you to be smart honey no Fintan has to be explicit before Aiden gets it okay *disappointed sigh in my blorbo*

and again with the knocking people out, not killing them shenanigans lol

whump and trauma time!!

damn that's gotta be not hygienic, an operating table stained with blood that's about 2 decades old

that's called a concussion my dear Aiden <3

yeah okay that's some fuckin racism right there (to be fair, framed as a bad thing, but still. sheesh)

another cat break. she's very pretty and purrsuasive what can i say?

James, honey, I understand what you're going for, but this is a shit way to comfort your very traumatized husband right now

okay and immediate 180 into cute teenage Alec and Ryder shenanigans, okay lol

Alec you wannabe-suave motherfucker lol

Ryder: blushes red Me: but his blood is blue!! And if it's later in this version that I mention James blushing blue or something like that I'm gonna take a drink for this mistake. I know I def fixed that by like, the rewrite lol

Ah yes, Alec is taking after his uncle :P aka please honey, I know you're being romantic, but get a fucking yes outta him first before you start kissing him also I'm 90% sure I've swapped their personalities now lol like CoFaS Alec: wannabe-suave and flirty CoFaS Ryder: awkward, unsure of how to react Band AU Alec: unsure of how to react when cute boy flirts with him Band AU Ryder: friendly and outgoing and willing to flirt with cute boys

Okay he did get a yes this time so baby steps in the right direction!

goddamn nerds lol

Okay this is both a. the origins of the kitten nickname for Aiden and b. the origins of the fox association i sometimes have for Alec

"The cat didn't answer, being a cat" I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

do do do do do WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY? Alec: the fox says fuck off (I have that as a reoccurring joke between Alex and Jason. Cause Jason's a fox shapeshifter in OG/ASTHC canon and they are my 2013-2015 meme children)

Yeah I definitely swapped who's the more uuuuuh... dom is the best word I can think of in this relationship

lmao somehow despite knowing Alec since they were both ~2 Ryder somehow doesn't know that's a nickname

Also, Alec having premonitions of the future is what inspired Lexi in the rewrite to have them as well. Alec inherits a decent amount from his mother: her premonitions, her purple-tipped wings, I can't think of more rn lol

Okay I do like describing Alec as ashen because. He looks more Flame than Sky lol

Aiden no stop that that's shitty parenting!

and Alec has a very valid reaction to Aiden and then Ryder continually using his dumb name! good for you Alec! "I would have never told you if I knew you would abuse it like this!" Ah. see this? this hurts in an "Alec honey you're so fucking right" way

Ryder that's real fuckin shit of you to be like "ok come here I'll comfort you" only to immediately turn around and try and control your boyfriend again. I know you have orders from his dad, but that's still really fuckin shit of you dude luckily Alec has the proper response of slapping Ryder and calling him out on his bullshit

i like how outta all the characters, Ryder is the one who has no restrictions on killing people. At the beginning of this arc he was introduced as training with James to be part of the royal guard, and now like 3/4 scenes later he's just straight up killed at least 2 people on screen. goddamn ma boi

“Knife training 101,” he said, almost irritated. “Stab them, don’t get stabbed yourself, try to aim for the head or heart. Understand?” fuckin lmao

welcome to the trauma boat Alec! your dad will help you get acquainted. probably

hello deus-ex-machina my old friend, you've probably appeared before but this is the most blatant to me

You know, the thought just occurred to me: Sirius with Aiden: kingly duties come before parental duties Aiden: yeah that sounds about right Aiden with Alec: Parental duties come before kingly duties Alec: you have king stuff to do and that obviously takes precedence over me

That line is a goddamn quote and I don't remember from what book potentially a Shadowhunters book??? update I looked it up and the answer is yes and of course it's a malec quote lol i'm still fucking soft for malec despite not having read any shadowhunters books since high school let me live (fun aside: i got selo to read those books and she came to tennis practice and yelled across the court "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THE INCEST" and i just died laughing and told her to wait for whatever the book was (CoG, if I remember correctly is when the incest is revealed to not be incest. not that I cared that was/is my least favorite ship) ANYHOOT)

yeah okay that whole bit is making me laugh harder than it should. curse you wine lol

anyways this was 100% the origin of Willow and Wisp before I coopted them for Nova!

oh my fucking god so the chapter that was origins of Aiden = cat and Alec = fox apparently was added later, potentially near the end of that NaNo. You know how I know that? cause I remember having to edit this scene for continuity and it's still awkward as hell!

poor babby Alec. he's doin his best and also nobody has told him "hey your boyfriend's alive" yet

god Rowan is just. a fuckin cardboard cutout of a character. he has no personality beyond what's necessary in the moment

Aiden this is not the way to deal with your son grieving his boyfriend just fuckin tell him ffs

I do appreciate Aiden just full naming Alec and not dumb naming him when he's like "Alec stop doing the dumb thing you're doing"

more Aiden whump! and cute Alec and Ryder reunion dawww

"Aiden was struggling for something to distract him from the pain, to distract his mind from the fact that his entire forearm was cut open and the skin peeled away for wires." goddamn my dude. you're really having a rough time aren't you lol

Oh my god I just shifted POV in the middle of a scene goddamnit

sir i really doubt you could avoid a gunshot at basically point blank range lol

And at this point, I fucked up bc Alec escaped in the last scene, and then I had him fighting alongside Ryder in this scene until I remembered continuity is a thing and went back to fix it lol

James sir water is not a softer landing than sand, especially from high up lol

oh my god i remember that i was gonna make that a thing throughout all my universes, and then i never did except for maybe the original OG James and Aiden story that got scrapped XD

and another pov shift in the middle of a scene smh

they are both such stubborn bastards omg

yeah of course they've been happy too long we've gotta add the misunderstandings plot in :P

Ah yes some good ol' fashioned sexism :P

yaas bois communicate like the fuckin adults you are

oh those nerds

so we're winding up the "story" which means major time skips now!

oh this is..... not the best way to kill off a character, but hey, i guess i wanted to get one last stab in at Aiden huh?

good lord that was...... something. later chapters were better than earlier ones, though that may have been because the level of tipsiness was higher lmao. but also I just like drama more and the early chapters were a lot more awkward setting up shit while later ones were "hey have actual situations with consequences!" if that makes any sense. If not, that's cool, i'm hella tipsy anyways

anyhoot, kudos to past me for doing that while being in high school + doing theater (pretty sure we were close to if not putting on a show during november) + finding time to binge watch Sword Art Online + all the shenanigans required of being a functional member of the family. I have no idea what I was on during high school but gotdamn would I like a hit or three now lol

So, two nights and 1.5 bottles of wine later, I bid you adieu. have fun, don't die, don't get kidnapped, I'll see y'all with my last couple spotify wrapped prompts soonish and then in February ✌️

#writing #shitposting #specifically:#shitposting.#cofas #ramble ramble

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thetaylorfiles · 11 months

Note

This whole 'friend dating Taylor' thing reminded me of something else from way back in the day - didn't you have a friend who took a photo of Taylor and Karlie when they happened to be at a gym at the same time as her? Or am I remembering incorrectly and that's a different tumblr account altogether? Anyway, been following you for ages. Whenever Taylor does something, I check your tumblr to see the takes on Kaylor nonsense lol

Aw! I love that you come back here. I miss this place a lot just because I had so much fun with you guys. Sometimes my inbox would be so full I literally couldn’t answer them all. You guys and interacting and laughing is the best part of tumblr and conspiracies and Kaylor and everything!

Please note that TTB is TayTaysBeard who got kicked off tumblr for her antisemitism and outing and doxxing of people. When she got shut down, she came back as Spade Riddles. TTB = Spade. They’re the same person

As for the rest, yeah, that was me. The person you’re talking about was a woman who lived in NYC and her husband works very closely with Josh at his company. She got to see Karlie a couple times at business dinners and parties.

She also went to the same gym as Taylor. She ran into Taylor and Karlie in the same class as her one day and snuck a photo.

Here’s where it gets weird. Before she and I started talking, she had been a curious Kaylor. Since she personally knew Josh, she was fascinated by TTBs blog and Kaylor. She believed for a few weeks or months and then realized it couldn’t be true because of what she knew from real life vs what nonsense TTB was spewing.

TTB has always maintained that Josh Kushner is gay and with his best friend Mikey (who is married to a woman with a baby). She’s also always maintained that Josh is a criminal on par with his brother Jared. And TTB claimed that Josh has had gay rumors for ages, everyone knows Karlie is a beard.

So my friend, after a while, and after actually communicating with her, she was like, “I’m out. This bitch is nuts. No way is it true.” Back then, there was no Gaylors. It was Kaylor or Taylor is straight. Nothing in between.

So my friend sent TTB that picture she took of Karlie and Taylor and had shown it to TTB. She said she could post it and say what she’d overheard them talking about, which was just normal stuff. Except at one point, I guess Taylor was talking about some app and said to Karlie, “oh! You should tell Josh about this!” Pretty harmless. But to TTB image thought that if taylor had suggested showing Josh, they must be amicable. But TTB needed Karlie and Taylor to hate Josh for keeping Karlie under lock and key, due to her contract.

That used to be a thing, btw. There were years where the narrative was that Karlie got duped by Josh when she was a teen. He needed a beard to do business with Saudis. According to TTB and Kaylors, Saudis won’t do business with anyone who’s gay. So Josh needed a beard. That’s why he’s with Karlie.

My friend knew this part was bullshit too. Her husband is high up in Joshs company and TTB was spewing bad fiction.

Anyway, sorry so long! Almost done!

TTB refused to post the pic my friend took and instead sent it around to the other big Kaylor blogs at the time, making up a better story around it and using it as “proof”, saying the person who took the pic confirmed Kaylor was together. Which never happened.

So I posted the pic and told my friends story for her. She was literally scared of TTB. TTB had her real email address and she was freaked out she’s dox her and mess up her husbands career. And we know TTB has doxxed and outed people before which is so fucked up.

I think that’s it? This was way back during the time when Karlie and Taylor were still friends.

The pic is on this blog along with the story. I may not remember it all perfectly.

Thanks for being around so long. And thanks for reading to anyone who made it this far!

#TTB #taytaysbeard #spade riddles #Kaylor

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hyperfixation-hideout · 2 years

Note

Do you remember sending me an anonymous ask telling me to stop tagging RWDE in my posts because you were upset?

You sent me anonymous asks twice, defending RWDE.

Now tell me...why on earth are you accusing other people of sending anonymous hateful asks to themselves, when you have literally sent anonymous asks to the very people you are accusing?

Do you even hear the cognitive dissonance in this?

Do you want proof of the first time I was impersonated?

I can provide not only a Twitter Link, but a Tumblr post. Where the person who accused me later acknowledged that it was an imposter.

Or you can embrace tunnel vision and think that any time you've sent me or somebody else an anonymous ask, that person was sending them to themselves and it was never you?

If you believe anything about somebody you don't like, then you will fall for everything.

Now my friends and I are working on building up evidence to prove my innocence. that person already accused them of being me.

But then again, you refuse to believe that anyone would defend us. That bias of yours is why you are so deadset on believing the worst of others.

Drop the tunnel vision. Drop the hyperfixation on the bias. And start trying to see if impersonation is possible.

I'm going to try find a way to prove how those discord screenshots were doctored.

uh, no, I do not remember that. If this is Canonseeker talking,

A) everything I said to you was off anon

B) I didn't tell you to stop tagging rwde, I made a generic post saying that posts tagged "anti rwde" still show up in the rwde tag, making it so the tag is flushed with hate, when it was created to avoid hatred and vitriol from people like you who harass anyone with a different opinion, as well as me letting y'all know if you tag with "anti rwde" instead of "antirwde" then rwde folks will see your posts and you may not have wanted that

C) come off anon yourself

D) Uh did you mess up that last sentence? Cause yes, your discord screenshots were absolutely doctored and very obviously fake. Oh, or are you trying to "prove" the post calling you out and debunking your lies was doctored? Cause, no... you're just defaulting to your oldest tactic: when accused, respond with "no, YOU did that to ME" even though that does nothing to counter the proof already exposed about you (you also just did that when going "well someone impersonated ME so you can't accuse me of making fake accounts!")

E) you're the one who targeted me, sending yourself anon hate and tagging me in it with "THESE ARE THE PEOPLE UR DEFENDING??" when I had clearly stated several times that I did not defend hatred or harassment of any kind. You then started tagging anyone who agreed with me in this hate, even after I asked you to stop.

F) what happened to your asks/replies telling me I'm "one of the good ones" who makes "thought out and kind critiques"? What changed besides me calling you out for the harassment and bullying you've engaged in for years?

G) That's not what hyperfixation means. Look it up and learn about ADHD before throwing the term about willy-nilly, please

The only part of this ask I'd potentially be willing to take at face value is the part where you got upset for me claiming you send yourself anon hate. You're right, that's something I don't technically know. (idk why you assumed whatever anons you're referring to are me). But there have been enough instances of you clearly pretending to be someone else, including a time you've ADMITTED to having done so. Regardless, even if you didn't do so, that doesn't undo any of the awful stuff you have verifiably done. Countless people have shown evidence of your lies and hate, and I wanted to believe they were wrong, but that time of hopeful ignorance has passed.

I am an understanding person who gives the benefit of the doubt, as well as second, third, and hundredth chances. I want to see the good in everyone, including you. Time and time again you've shown that if we give an inch, you take a mile, and use our kindness to further harass anyone who dares stray from your own opinions or interpretations. And I don't mean 'harass' as in 'sending a mean anon', I mean repeated hate, slander, and block evading, making fake accounts just to continue trying to make people's lives miserable, etc. I tried to give you a chance and extend that opportunity for you to listen, grow, or change, but you won't admit any wrongdoings, and that's a nonstarter.

[If you're not seeker, I have no idea who you are, and as such do not know where to go from here. Come off anon or message me privately if you're someone else, and I'd be more than willing to have a conversation with you about this.]

PS: Something funny I've laughed about many a time -- even after all that's gone down between us (aka you being hateful and lying about me and me explaining to no avail since you refuse to read), I'm still on your list of positive rwby blogs to follow. Which is extra funny, because you linked that list in your answers to hate anons you tagged me in, going "here are some GOOD rwby blogs to follow" with me on it. As amusing as it's been, I'd like to be removed when you get the chance.

#quinanswer #canonseeker #rwde #fndm drama

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angst-king · 1 month

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Corruption of Humanity Pt 9 ((it took me way too long to edit this bc Tumblr's being a dick n such. Anyways CW description of Gorey drawings, holy water torture/burning, and nightmares) Ever since Emily had fallen asleep in Lucifer’s room, Lucifer started acting differently. He was a little more docile, they fought less, he didn’t mess with her as much. Emily didn’t know if it was because she was trying out new snacks with him and was liking it or if she had done something. But a win was a win. The awful dreams and hallucinations were an off-and-on situation, they didn’t come every day or night.

Coming into work today she had a bad feeling, especially when she was given a new patient. Well the patient herself wasn’t new to the facility just new to Emily. Her name was Nifty according to her charts she was a fairy or pixie of some sort. Walking to Nifty’s room while reading her charts, Emily couldn’t help but feel bad. She often remembered that many of these patients used to be innocent humans who lived normal everyday lives and were brought here and turned into monsters. She had seen Nifty during group time, and she often clung to Alastor or Husk.

After her usual check-ins with Charlie and Vaggie, she went to find Nifty’s room. It was just down the hall thankfully. Approaching her room, she looked through the one-way glass to see Nifty fiddling with something in her hands. When she opened the door she was stunned to see Nifty had her hands on a butterfly knife!

“Nifty what’s that?!” She exclaimed hurrying into the room to try and take it from them. Nifty’s wings appears and she flew above her.

“Its mine, Husk gave it to me.” Nifty said holding the weapon close to her chest. Emily ducked and dodged the flying girl above her still worried about her having a weapon. Why would Husk give her a weapon, was it for self defense? She could seriously hurt herself!

“Plus the knife is round, see! See!” Nifty waved the blade around in Emily’s face to show her in an almost childish manner. Emily managed to grab it to examine it, and she was right the blade was thick and rounded off it wouldn’t be able to do much damage to a person. She sighed in relief upon seeing it.

“Okay okay since Husk gave it to you, I guess you can keep it.” She relented and handed Nifty back the weapon and watched her play with it. Examining Nifty wasn’t too hard, she was hyper but giving her something to play with made it easier. She wasn’t combatic but she was sporadic and curious about everything.

“Do i get to see Al today!?” “Hm? I don’t think so, sorry Nifty.” Nifty frowned momentarily but it quickly changed into a smile, she hopped off her bed and grabbed a book, a coloring book. She began proudly showing her drawings and doodles to her, and to say they were weird was an understatement. They were utterly disturbing! There were drawings of dismembered bodies, guts spilling from people’s stomachs. People were hanging from the ceilings, people strapped to tables. They were so detailed too even for being scribbles and doodles! She could see that some of these people were people from the facility both patients and staff. Luckily she didn’t see herself in any of these gruesome depictions.

After her check in with Nifty and a long swig from Husk’s flask she was headed up to Lucifer’s room. As she headed up to the upper levels one a dark skin woman with red hair came over.

“You’re #0001’s handler, right?” She asked, the woman had a strong british accent and a snooty attitude.

“Yes, I am, why?” “Vox needs him prepped for an experiment in 15 minutes, bring him down to the experiment theater and the assistants will take care of the rest.” She instructed sharply and turned on her heel hardly giving Emily the chance to question her. Great she was just getting Lucifer to open up and now she had to take him to get experimented on, hopefully, it wouldn’t be anything too painful or invasive….

“Lucifer, um I know you’re not gonna like this and I’m so sorry but, I’ve been ordered to take you down to see Vox for an experiment.” As soon as the words left her mouth she expected Lucifer to throw a fit but all he did was look at her in fear. He curled up into a ball, his tail wrapping around himself tightly.

She somehow managed to get Lucifer to go with her, she didn’t know how much he followed her wordlessly. The feeling of fear poured from him as he trailed beside her. Arriving near the entrance fo the experiment rooms, they met up with an assistant of Vox’s who took Lucifer.

“We have everything handled from here, we will let you know once it is over.” Walking towards the door being pulled along by restraints Lucifer shot Emily a scared look. He looked like a dog that knew he was going to get beaten.

“Wa-wait! Can I watch?” The assistant seemed annoyed by this but shrugged and waved for her to follow. She couldn’t lave Lucifer, she wanted to make sure he knew she would be there even if all she could do was watch it was better than not being there at all.

Following them back into the experiment room, she found herself back behind the spectator glass, and Vox seemed pleased. A wide sadistic grin spread across his face in a deranged way.

“Great great you brought up the subject, why don’t we get this started where we left off, shall we?” Vox clapped and nodded at the assistants through the glass to cue them. Lucifer was first strapped down to a chair and a set of numbers were projected onto a screen. Lucifer was instructed to read them off. Each time he messed up they sprayed him and he screamed. His body clenched and writhed as he howled and hissed in pain. This water burned when it touched his skin! It felt like his body was catching on fire, burning and singing into his flesh, it made reading the numbers difficult but he was forced to continue. He was sprayed with a hose of sorts that an assistant would unleash a powerful blast of what seemed like water.

“1, 3,7, 9-I mean 6 AH!” A stream of water blasted right to his chest, the burning spread through his torse and into his muscles as he screamed and thrashed. Wriggling and writhing to get out of the restraints he cried in agony. His heart was pounding in his ears and his mind racing to focus in hopes of keeping from getting sprayed. He trembled and shook, his muscles contracting and twitching, you could see the burns starting to form, they were already turning from 1st degree to second. He gasped and sputtered between his cries, the smell of his flesh burning made his eyes water. His skin was usually a dingy creamy white turning a pinkish red as the layer was being burned away. They dried, cracked, and swelled. Some parts of his body quickly formed welts and divots. Many of his old wounds were reopening. His chest felt tight from the fear and burns, and this was only the beginning. The burns were beginning to bleed, and a golden blood-like substance poured and leaked from his injuries. The pain only grew worse as the water dripped down to his lap and sides

He coughed and choked on the smell of his burning flesh, making his stomach slosh nauseously. He struggled even to speak by now his words stammering out too much to say the numbers properly prompting him to be sprayed again. The pain was almost blinding, the mouth guard didn’t protect the upper half of his face from the splashback of this supposed water.

Emily cringed at the sound of her patient’s screams, they were almost as bad as Charlie’s. She could see Lucifer trying to hold back, forcing himself to complete the task. She saw the way he quivered and jolted with each spray of water. It horrified her to see him be hurt like this, she wanted them to stop she wanted to race in there and stop them. She wanted to shield him from whatever they were doing to him. She wanted to come and hold him and tell him it was over. But she was frozen, feet stuck in place no matter how much she tried to tell herself to move to get to him to save him! All she could do was listen to his screams and watch his skin be turned off and blood pool onto the floor. She watched as they collected his tears and blood into bottles for god knows what.

“I’m glad I thought of this holy water experiment, this is way too much fun!” Vox said with a chuckle as he watched enthusiastically. Standing on his toes with his wide smile and sharp blue eyes fixated on the scene in front of him. It was like he thrived on watching them suffer as if he fed on their screams. He looked like he’d cream his pants if he heard Lucifer cry!

By the time it was done, it had been maybe and hour and thirty minutes. They did injections and blood leading to collect more blood from Lucifer, Emily was tooo horrified to ask why they did it and hastily raced to get to Lucifer once the door was unlocked. In the blinding room, she raced to Lucifer’s side, unstrapping him from the chair and carefully picking him up. Doing her best not to touch any of his injuries, she carried him out. Lucifer was in so much pain he went unconscious, she could still feel his muscles twitching and spasming under her touch. She asked for Eve to come and help her take care of him, as Emily was unsure of what to do.

“Oh shit what happened to him?!” Eve asked alarmed by the sight of him.

“Vox had a not so fun experiment to do on him with holy water.” Eve’s eyes went wide and she guided Emily by the shoulders.

“Come on we gotta wash it off him, he looks horrible!” Emily followed her down the hall and into a shower room, she had Lucifer sit on a shower chair and they started washing the holy water and blood off of him. Emily held his limp body up to keep him from falling over as Eve gingerly used a cloth to get the blood and holy water off of him. You’d think with him still being somewhat of an angel he would be immune to holy water, sadly that wasn’t the case. He was already forming welts and large parts of deep skin layers were exposed. His skin was heavily discolored in certain places, and his chest was the worst. They were 2nd boarding on 3-degree burns from his neck down to his thighs, his chest up to his neck were still bleeding while some of his wounds had stopped.

“He has the ability to heal himself but without proper nutrients he can’t do it well enough or at all.” Eve stated, she worried about being able to get him enough to eat to even start that process. They couldn’t get the mouth guard off him, they had no clue where the key was. Emily then had an idea.

“I’ve got an idea but he’s not gonna like it, we have feeding tube here right?”

“Yeah we do, that and the supplements are in the food stock room why?”

“Well we’re gonna have to wake him up to do it but, we let him rest for a little while, dress his wound and when he wakes up we put in a feeding tube.” Eve pursed her lips in a line and looked down at Lucifer.

“Its the only choice we have, huh?”

“Yeah, and I know how to take care of feeding tubes, my sister had one growing up and I took care of it alot for her while our parents were busy.”

“Alright, we’ll give him some injectable pain meds and sedate him for a bit, and let him sleep once his wounds are taken care of.” It took some work but they managed to clean him up stop the bleeding the best they could and bandage him up. Eve went down to the pharmacy for pain and sleeping medications while Emily took Lucifer up to his room.

They let him sleep for a few hours while Emily went back to check on her other patients.

When Lucifer woke up he was numb, he could hardly feel a thing both emotionally and physically. He remembered what happened but he couldn’t muster a feeling, and it was probably for the best. His body felt heavy as if it weighed 1000 pounds, nothing around him felt real. His arms shook when he lifted them, he saw they were wrapped in loose bandages as was the rest of him. He didn’t pull at them he just laid back down. He was just glad it was over, and that he wasn’t in any pain. His ears twitched at the muffled sounds of voices outside his room. He lazily turned his head and of course, he could only see vague figures. Then they moved out of sight and the door’s knob jingled and the door opened. Oh, it was Emily and Eve, how nice.

“Oh! Good, you’re awake! How are you feeling?” Asked Eve quietly, Lucifer shrugged and only whined when he tried to speak. The poor guy screamed so much he could hardly speak, only hoarse whistles and whimpers came from his strained vocal cords.

“Oh, hun I’m so sorry about the experiment I really wish this didn’t do such harsh things to you.” “I wish I could have stopped them” Emily apologized sympathetically, Lucifer just looked up at her, she expected him to be angry with her but he just looked empty and hurt.

“Alright well, we’re gonna have to do something you won't like. Its gonna be a bit uncomfortable and painful but not as bad as the experiment.” Eve explained the procedure the two women would need to do on Lucifer and he wasn’t pleased by it. He didn’t want to hurt anymore, he just wanted to sleep.

“I promise we will let you sleep once this is done, we just want to make sure you get enough nutrition so you can heal yourself. We even got your favorite juice to make it easier, and you can still drink it with the tube.” Lucifer knew he didn’t have a choice and this was the lesser of two evils so he forced himself to sit up. He hated this he hated this so much, even if his feelings were muted he still didn’t like this one bit but he had no energy to even cry at them. He was too dehydrated and weak to cry or express his discomfort. We the tube went down Emily interlaced her hand with his whispering gentle encouragements.

“You’re doing good Lucifer” “I’m so proud of you” “Good job, we’re almost done” “Once it's over you can sleep as much as you want” “When you get better I’ll give you all the peanut butter crackers you could ask for.” “I know it's uncomfortable but I’m right here, just squeeze my hand” It had been so long since anyone had been so gentle with him. She would say the same things Lilith would say to him when he had to go through rough experiments and trials. She held him like this when he was in pain, she did all of this. Just like Lilith, he missed Lilith in times like these. He missed her kisses, her reading and singing voice, and how she would cuddle him to sleep. He missed the cut-up apples she would give him. His daughter was the closest thing he would ever get and deep down. He knew Emily was his ticket to see her.

Feebeling nuzzling his cheek into Emily’s shoulder to show he appreciated her presence. Lucifer couldn’t help but still with for Lilith. When they finished they laid him back down to rest and he fell back to sleep only moments after his eyes had shut.

“Lucifer!” “Hmm? Lucifer hummed tiredly eyes fluttering open and being met by the sight of Lilith beside him. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing, Lilith his dear Lilith sitting beside him, the soft cooing of a small creature came beside him. He looked to see Lilith holding an infant wrapped in a blanket. The infant looked similar to him, it was Charlie.

“Would you like to hold her?” Asked Lilith, Lucifer nodded and held his arms out to take the newborn. Lilith cradled the infant in his arms and made sure she was secure. Lucifer looked down at Charlie, her eyes still closed as she whined softly, her small arms flailing and tiny feet kicking. Her tail flopped lazily over her tummy. She had his rosy cheese and pale skin, and she had the most adorable button-like nose. He leaned down and nuzzled his face against her making a softly gentle noise that seemed to make her giggle. His heart was doing backflips as he held his daughter. He stayed cuddled up to Lilith’s frame as he held their daughter both of them admiring her features. However each time he went from looking at Charlie to Lilith, something about Lilith would change. First, it was her eyes, they changed to a dark violet color versus light purple. The second time he looked back at her her eyes were normal but she had grown small fangs and was much taller, third time she had large horny pushing through the hair on her head!

“Hand over the baby!” A voice commanded, suddenly they were surrounded by multiple people, some wielding weapons and others holding restraints. Quickly Lucifer put charlie back into Lilith’s arms and stood between her and the others, his tail whipping around sharply as he glared mecaningly at them bearing his teeth in a snarl.

“Come on now Lucifer, no need to worry if you cooperate things will alright.” One of the people spoke but he didn’t trust them he never did, they always lied to him!

“No.” He said firmly

“Get out. Of the. way. 0001.” A firmer voice demanded, but again Lucifer refused. A small group of them tried to rush in and separate them. Lucifer hissed and screamed and flashed his wings open in an attempt to shield Lilith telling her to run! But to his horror they were cornered there was nowhere to run! The staff were closing in on them making them feel smaller and smaller, the air was growing thin and icy, syringes at the ready.

“Lucifer please no! No!” Lilith cried out, Lucifer looked back to see them grabbing at Charlie, he watched Lilith kick and struggle to fend them off from taking their baby. Her horns grew large, her eyes darkening and her height growing. Anger welled up inside him, not again no one would take his family from him! Not again! He would not go down without a fight! Not again he would not let them harm Charlie! Not again! His body moved on its own and he wailed clawed fists into their faces, slashing his claws at their throats.

“NOW!” God commanded and an arrow struck through his center.

#king's fanfic #king's hazbin fic #hazbin hotel corruption au #corruption au #hazbin emily #lucilith #lucililith angst #hazbin vox #nifty hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel au angst #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin fanfic blog #hazbin fandom #angst fic

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foggyparadisecandy · 11 months

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On Trauma Management: Writing

Anyone who's been reading my tumblr for awhile knows I'm kind of messed up in several ways and nothing I say should be taken in lieu of actual therapy. Bruh ... please, lol.

But I have learned some things that I would like to share.

And since honesty is my go-to-move, I'll just say it upfront that I'm writing this for my former partner.

D, I know you'll most likely never read this and that's ok.

And, in fact, this is going to be a great example of one specific way you can process your trauma:

Express yourself through writing.

I know you have learned to just "deal with it on your own" in your own way.

I am going to give you some tough love here. Pushing that shit down and numbing yourself isn't really helping you.

I have a lot of respect for your smarts and feel like there is no need to even point this out ... but I think the very trauma you need to process is blinding you to the fact that your methods aren't working.

Unprocessed trauma has a nasty way of resurfacing throughout our lives. Do your best here to process it in a healthy way through writing and expressing it and letting it out.

The good news is that this can be done several different ways. Let's tackle a few of them. But first, let's talk about some basics.

Tips to get started

Don't worry about anything except dumping the messy horrible nasty shit out of your head and on to the page.

Just start and let it rip. No need to worry about grammar or lovely sentence transitions or spelling. You can throw your english lessons book out the window.

This isn't the time to criticize yourself. This is the time to liberate yourself.

To free yourself from those nasty, shitty, messy, confusing, conflicting, muddled up thoughts and feelings that are messing with you. Dump them out.

And if the thoughts and words don't make sense? It doesn't matter. Just get them out.

And no matter which model you pick, the writing is for YOU. No one else. Even if you actually write it to a specific person, you most likely will choose to hold on to it and never share it.

If you have a loved one who you can trust with these thoughts, who you feel would give you comfort if they knew you better, then by all means share it.

Sometimes being seen is the most lovely and healing thing in the world - even if it's also a bit scary at times. You know I see you and I love you for who you are.

The key is to get the stuff out of your head.

If you can, paper and pen is the best route to go. There is something extremely relieving about the physcial, tactile process of old-fashioned writing. Don't worry about your hand-writing - who gives a shit? Just ... get ... it ... out.

And for the really awful stuff. The stuff that really fucking hurts ... and I know you have some of that ... when you are done ... you can light that fucker on fire and watch it go up in flames.

And as you do, feel the tension ease in your body and your mind. There is a quiet beauty in the act of burning the evil shit that has hurt us.

One last bit of overall advice. This is rarely a one and done exercise. For the really deep stuff, you will want to write it, write it, write it, again and again. Your mind will start to make sense of the conflict the more you write it out.

And maybe your trauma will never be understood fully - a lot of times, shit is unexplainable, bad shit just happens to us - it doesn't mean anything about us at all - it's just bad shit that happened.

But by writing it out, again and again, your mind will come to a sense of peace about it, even if you never really understand the why's behind it.

Write a letter to someone

Who's the someone?

Heck, it could be anyone that did you wrong or caused you pain.

Write them a letter expressing your feelings, the pain, the anger, the fear, the hate, all the messy shit you want to dump out of your system. Give it to them good. Rip into them. Tell them everything you feel. And scream - through your writing - at what a no good asshole they are. Get it all out.

This person could be your dad. Your mom. Your boss. Your ex. Your former best friend. Whoever did you wrong. Whoever hurt you.

Let them have it. Dump out the hate that they left in you. If you keep it in, you are letting them continue to hurt you, again and again and again. They probably don't even know or care how you are suffering. And, if they are real assholes, they might even delight in knowing you are still hurting.

Fuck them and write them a fuck you letter. Get it out.

It could also be someone you love.

Someone that you know would have your back. Someone that would nurture you, support you, comfort you, listen to your pain, and be there to give you a hug.

Someone you can trust with your dark thoughts, your hurt, your suffering, your messy feelings, good and bad, dark and light, all of it. Just get it out there. Express yourself.

And if you can't find the words? If all you can do is write a single word or sentence over and over and over again with your feeling, just let it rip.

The ultimate goal is to express the emotions and as you put them out in the world, allow yourself to take a moment - during or at the end - to decompress. Take a deep breath and relax. Let the tension wash out of your body, feel your shoulders loosen up, let your neck grow a bit limper, relax your face muscles.

Literally do this. Pause after writing and just ... relax.

Let that tension go. You've put those negative thoughts out of your head and into the world. Great fucking job!

Feel the relief. You earned it.

Write a journal entry

I know this isn't always easy. How do you get started? What do you even say?

I understand. There are a few tricks here that can get you started.

You can imagine you are talking to a loved one. Much like writing the letter, you might find it easier to imagine you are writing to someone. The only difference is you are putting it in your journal as an entry. It will only be seen by you - this should open the doors for you to be even more brutally honest and transparent about your emotions.

You can imagine you are sharing your pain with your older, wiser, smarter, stronger version of yourself. That person that you will become will want to help you and share the burdens that you are carrying. That version of you will be ready for and equpped for processing your emotions, so let them know how you are feeling by writing it in your journal.

You can start with prompts. "I am suffering because ..." "I am scared because ..." "I feel bad because ..." "It's so unfair that ..."

And then ... let it rip. Just start with one of those prompts and let it go. You can use the same dang prompt consistently if you find one that really gets you into the mindset. Or you can shift them up.

In addition to the catharsis entries that I mentioned, you should start back up your pride journal. Writing things you are proud about, things that you accomplished and feel good about, helps you develop some positive vibes over time. It doesn't magically happen over night but rather over time. And over time, you will be able to look back and see "wow ... I've really come a long way. Look at all the things I've done."

As you know, I like to pop the pride moments with a different color. So if you are using pen and paper, have a nice bright color - I love red for this - on hand to put the pride moments. And I would keep the pride entries in a separate journal because ... the catharsis journal is going to be filled with nasty shit. Frankly I love the idea of burning the fucker and setting it free when you have filled it as much as you want.

But the pride journal is something lovely that you will want to keep. And when you are having a tough moment, or tough day or week or month, you can flip through it, reminisce and let it fuel you back up a bit. Soften your rough spots out with a burst of accomplishments.

I have more things for you that I will write up when I have time.

Start on these things today and do the best you can. Find a rhythm and approach that works best for you and just do it.

I have faith in you. You know I believe in you. I always have and always will. You got this.

#self care #catharsis #thoughts #on topic

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