#because I’m currently going out of my mind but there’s nothing on the market for me

[planetsallalign]

Something needs to give so I can buy a house.

[weirdozjunkary]

I don’t normally like to vent about myself or my life. But everything just feels like it’s spiralling for me and I just don’t know what to do. This is probably as personal as I’ll ever get on here haha.

I might eventually delete this. But I don’t know..

CW: personal life, SH and Sui talk

Right now my country Canada is entering late stage capitalism, as well as the US. It sucks, yes. But I figured that by the time I’m out on my own and I’m able to fend for myself, that most of this would blow over and I will be fine. But now it’s getting hard to think about stuff like that.

I believe I have undiagnosed autism and currently undiagnosed ADHD (was diagnosed as a child), which makes a lot of things hard for me. I’ve been wanting to get a diagnosis to help myself for the future. But I’ve been constantly told not to, as doing so would make people think less of me. And I hate that people have that mindset, even if it is true.

Something that is worse is that I can’t pay for anything. I can’t pay off my loans because it’s too high. I don’t even have a job to pay them off, I can’t even get a job because of my autism and because the job market is fucked. I’m moving to a whole other country really soon that I know nothing about so there’s no point in me even doing my schooling here anymore, the only reason I’m still going is because my dad wants me to. And if I don’t pay off my loans, my credit will be put in the “risk” category, credit mind you that I don’t have because I don’t have a credit card.

I cant even speak the language to the place I’m moving too, so I don’t know if I would even be able to get a job there other than just a cleaning person. And even if I come back here to Canada if I do my schooling there, I don’t know if I would be able to get a house because the housing market is absolutely terrible here.

If I stay here in Canada I have basically no one to fall back on if things turn to the absolute worse for me, and it really feels like life wants that to happen to me. I wasn’t really told much about life stuff as a kid, so now it’s biting me in the ass and I’m paying for it. I know I’m still stable at the moment, I have a house and food and water. But every day I hear more and more worse things.

I used to live out of spite, but now that spite is starting to fade on me. I can’t lie and say that I have thought the worst about myself, what I want to do to myself. I’m terrified of death, but sometimes it seems like the more favourable option. People always say to stay in the present, that’s what matters. It’s hard to stay in the present when the future keeps looking bleaker and bleaker.

I try to stay positive, that I will be okay in the end. I want to believe that I’ll be okay. But it’s getting harder and harder to see that

Everything feels like its burning around me and I don’t know what to do. It feels like it’s all my fault. That I’m just gonna die homeless and alone.

I’m sorry that this is so much more negative compared to what I normally post. Everything just feels so terrible and I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t be feeling like this, I’m a young adult and yet I’m so worried about everything that it would all crash around me. Every time I feel even remotely stable, it feels as though life just kicks the rug under my feet and fucks everything up for me.

I want to feel okay again. But I don’t know if I ever will be.

[apollodarling-writes]

what is a first date with worshipper Levi like? We decided to give him a chance and are just kinda like “If you fuck up this date I will personally tie you down to a chair and lose my virginity to another man.” So how would that go. I imagine us walking through the market and Levi is tugging at his sleeve trying to hold our hand and we just deadpan at him. “Levi just because I’m going on a date with you doesn’t mean I want everyone in town thinking you’re finally the guy I chose to be with.”

first date with worshipper levi hcs

desc : fluff, short.

— worshipper! levi who is jumping for joy the moment you agree to go on a date with him. he agrees to any conditions you have and any boundaries you set, and will do his absolute best to make it the best date you’ve ever had.

— worshipper! levi who makes a reservation at the nicest restaurant in town and even buy out a room so the two of you can have your privacy. he wants this to be as pleasant for you as it is for him!

—worshipper! levi who picks you up from your dorm with flowers in hand, offering you his arm to be a gentleman. whether you take it is up to you, but he won’t harbor any hard feelings.

— worshipper! levi who is aware that you don’t have any feelings for him currently, and that it was only his begging that made you agree to a date with him.

— worshipper! levi who first takes you to the market and purchase anything you’d like. even if you spend all his money by the end of the night, it will be worth it to him. he just wants you happy.

— worshipper! levi who is itching to hold your hand but knows you wouldn’t want to. his heart stings a little bit at the thought, but he doesn’t let that get him down.

— worshipper! levi who, after your dinner, takes you to a field to stargaze and talk about whatever you’d like. he’ll once again confess his love for you, but won’t expect anything in return.

— worshipper! levi who sees this as a first step. if you enjoyed the evening, he’ll make plans to take you on another. if you didn’t… well, there’s nothing he can do.

— worshipper! levi who drops you off at your dorm around midnight and asks if you’d like to go on another.

— worshipper! levi who returns to his room feeling either fulfilled or a little empty. he’ll undress and slide in bed, replaying the night in his mind. he’ll cherish the time spent with you for the rest of his life <33

[haechvn]

Hold On

Pairing: Shuri x Reader

Warning: Angst and a lil fluff. Shuri is a little bit moody but who can really blame her

Summary/Request: y/n is a lab specialist and is sent to work in shuri’s lab after during that year after t’challa passed on (hurt/comfort) then maybe y/n was in the market when the tallokan attacked and shuri protects.

Word Count: 1.9k

Author’s Note: Takes place during Wakanda Forever so beware of spoilers. 

I am working on a few rn but KEEP SENDING REQUESTS. We didn’t just have Shuri star in her OWN MOVIE for y'all to be ignoring her. You guys should be ashamed. Don't play with me, play with yourself.  Enjoy my loves!

“Shuri, I get what you are trying to do but are you sure recreating the herb solely in a lab will give you the same results? Aren’t there any cultural lines you’d be crossing or something? Maybe we should ask the Queen about this first,” you quipped as you steadily chased Shuri around her lab, hoping to get her to reconsider her next steps with the current experiment. 

It has been over a year since the sudden passing of her older brother and the only life she has been able to live is that of a mad scientist - nothing more and certainly nothing less. Of course she still took proper care of herself but her only desire was to find a way to crack the code that could have saved T’Challa’s life. That pain is with her everyday so to combat that, she has put together a squad of the most brilliant minds in Wakanda to help her efforts and that is where you come in. Working alongside the Princess as a Lab Specialist, who is an expert in working with organic matter and analyzing foreign and home-based substances. Truth be told, Shuri adores her entire team but values your opinion and work above all. Maybe it's because your eyes keep her up at night. But in this situation, no one's words were really as important as her own. At least, that’s what she thought. 

“I know what I’m doing,” she seethed stentoriously, speaking as if every word was its own sentence. Stopping abruptly and turning around for you to greet her rigid eyes, her jaw clenched and the veins on her forehead looked like they wanted to break free. Shuri did not want to have this conversation with you again because as more time passed, the more her patience with this project wore thin. Why does everyone still view her as a child? Why can’t her plans be good enough? Every cell in your body told you that you had yet again irritated the Princess. 

“I'm tired of everyone questioning me as if I am not the smartest woman in the world! Go to the market like I requested and pick up the items I asked you to so we can go back to experimenting and stop all this talking. That’s an order.”

Scoffing at her disrespectful tone, you continued on, wanting the Princess to fully think through the ramifications of what lies ahead. She may be royalty but she was also your friend so to hear her speak to you this way without any regard of how you may feel made your heart crack just a bit. You had done your best to be there for her during this very difficult last year and always offered a shoulder to cry on but she has unknowingly begun taking her anger out on you. Her taut voice introduced many onlooking eyes peering over to the previously quiet conversation the two of you were having. Crossing your arms in front of your chest, you held your ground.

“How long will this go on for? You constantly treat your colleagues like we are nothing but mere pets to you. Didn’t you bring us in so that we could help you find ways to solve your problem? That is what I am trying to do here and I don't understand why you can’t see that. I just want you to be safe,” you let out with your voice slightly cracking, exhausted from arguing and the constant back and forth. Sure you kept her on her toes from time to time but this just became too much. Thinking about what could happen if she ingested the curated herb and Bast forbid something went wrong. You wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself. No. You can’t let your mind go there. 

Not letting her answer your questions, you bowed to the Princess and spun on your heels, signaling your exit from the lab with your coat rustling behind you. Quickly rushing out, you could hear her sigh and beckon you towards her but your head was held high as you trekked forward. You didn’t wish to be disregarded any further and the Princess clearly needed some time to think. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“That’ll be 12 Wakandan dollars pwease,” said the young girl selling herbs, plates and bowls with her mother. Dots and stripes dance on her face and her smile reminds you of the one Shuri used to carry. It has been so long - too long so maybe this will bring that back to her. 

Thanking the girl and her mother, you start to head back to the lab but not without appreciating the breathtaking beauty of the culture in Wakanda. Such peaceful and vibrant people to match the ethereal aura of this wonderful nation is something that can only be witnessed with your own eyes. In the distance, you made out the figure of a certain Jabari leader smiling widely and waving his enormous hands at you. M’Baku has really proven himself to be a formidable and dependent member of the Wakandan civilization. Just as you lifted your hand to greet him back, you heard the girl and her mother that you bought from scream in anguish.

Whipping your head around, all you could see for miles was water exploding out of thin air. Everywhere started to flood and all the stores and their owners began disappearing before your eyes. Clutching the materials that Shuri requested, you tried your hardest to outrun the waves if that is even possible. You can’t even swim so trying to head towards the water was completely out of the question, especially once three foreign figures rose from the shore. Just like in those cliche horror films, you naturally lost your footing and all you could think was Wait. Atlantis is a real place??!! 

Scared for your life, you gathered yourself up and continued onto the palace until the sweetest melody you have ever heard entered your senses. Dropping everything from your grasp, in a trance you found yourself facing the mysterious figures again, this time in the direction of a man adorned in gold, jade and what is that? Vibranium? However your thoughts were no longer your own and all you wanted to do at this present moment was obey the orders of the singing siren before you. Chaos and destruction ensued around you but all you felt was peace. An eerie peace that sent chills down your spine but whisked your mind away from any current circumstances. Your mind knew he was about to kill you. 

On your way down to kneel in front of this unknown enemy, your name was shouted out at you from the heavens above. The voice held fear and grievance in it and it snapped you out of your hypnosis. It was the Princess. Up above in a ship with what looked like Nneka, waving you down endlessly in hopes to get your attention. Even during her most vulnerable moments, Shuri looked absolutely glorious. Maybe it’s the way her curls fell forward as if they were reaching out to you or her deep charcoal eyes that seems to call you hers. Either way, with the world crashing down around you, you still couldn’t help the butterflies in your chest every time you laid eyes on her. 

Before you could register what was happening, her figure dove out of the aircraft and was headed straight towards you. It seems as though she cracked the code. Landing stealthy with her back turned towards you, her black panther suit seemed to glow in the sun. Decorated in gold and silver from top to bottom, you couldn't hold in your shock. Shuri had always said that the black panther died with her brother but it seems as though she was terribly incorrect.

“Namor. I guess this makes me your enemy now,” she stalked towards him as he slightly trembled in surprise. 

Shuri’s languid movements reminded you of her brother but much more graceful and slightly less calculated but magnificent nonetheless. Intense blows were exchanged between the both of them as you scampered away to find safety in an attempt to avoid the crossfire. Namor eventually catapulted himself away from the Princess and made his way towards the Royal Palace. Getting ready to run in his direction, the Black Panther halted and turned to finally face you. 

Your heart was pounding profusely as she neared you and her helmet disappeared. Her eyes held the story of everything she had been through yet she still carried on like royalty, with such poise and dignity.

She’s here. She’s here. She’s here. She really came here to save me.

You have never seen the Princess kneel before, especially not in a public place so your eyes went wide as she went down on one knee and grasped your hands. Her chest was going up and down at an alarming rate and the grip she had on you started to burn. 

“I’m so sorry I-. I had hoped you were-. Ugh! I can’t believe he almost-,” her words failing her at every opportunity. Tears dropped onto your joined hands and her back shook with her cries. When Shuri had received a distress signal, she had no choice but to take the incomplete herb in an attempt to even the playing field with the submariner. It scared her even more to know that he was attacking the market, the same place she had sent you to in a fit of rage. She couldn’t even believe she used that tone on you of all people so the thought that that might have been the last conversation between you two - no. Not again. She shook her head over and over, not daring to look you in the eyes because she didn’t deserve your kindness. From the outside looking in, Princess Shuri was losing it and this new mantle she now carried was already beginning to be too much for her. 

“Stand up! You are a Princess,” you bellowed, your heart breaking at the sight. Though you shared the same frightened feeling as her, she needed someone to be strong for her and who better than you. 

"We can have this conversation later but your people need you. Your country needs you. Show them who you are, Shuri. Then come back to me.” You couldn't believe you were here offering this kind of counsel to the Princess. You two have really come a long way.

Her head snapped up, curls dancing across her forehead, showcasing her cherry red, tear-filled eyes. She really thought she lost you. 

Quickly gathering her strength, she called for Nakia to “beam us up” and take you to safety. As you are being lifted up, her arms softly wrap themselves around your torso while your chests are conveniently pressed up against each other. Shuri’s eyes haven’t been able to leave yours and they are saying all the things her lips and insecurities wouldn’t allow her. You nod and offer a small smile, knowing that that’s the best thing you could muster up in the moment. Her eyes traveled between yours and your lips over and over. She licked her lips out of nervousness and tried to see if her actions would be accepted before she leaned forward to close the gap between you two. Just as her ready lips grazed yours, Okoye’s voice screeched and pierced through her earpiece. 

“My Princess! The Royal Palace is underwater!”

[ownedbythescribe]

Teyvat — Overture Teaser (Fontaine)

🌱 This is a bit late post, but I’m just really happy and quite overwhelmed to get a teaser from Hoyo for Fontaine! It is so surreal how last year, we just got Sumeru, and it possessed quality stories most particularly the Archon Quests. They improved with their writing considering that Inazuma was not expounded properly.

The side quests such as the Aranara, Golden Slumber, Dirge of Bilqis, and Khavarena of Good and Evil were also notable. Although not voiced, for lore enthusiasts, the stories enlightened missing portions of lore read only through books or articles scattered around the region. I particularly like the Aranara Quest despite its lengthy missions.

🌱 Moving on to Fontaine, we get a glimpse of the characters who will play major roles in the quest.

💧Freminet — Cryo Claymore — Automaton

Hoyo introduced this character first, and we see that he’s a diver of some sort based on his appearance. Lyney also mentioned that he is his older brother. Whether it would be by blood or not, we will know in the future.

💧 Lynette — Anemo Sword — Felis Alba

Next we see are the twins, Lyney and Lynette. Lynette appeared to be more robotic in a sense, and on the drip marketing, she was mentioned as Lyney’s assistant who seemed to prefer keeping to herself. She preferred Lyney to do the talking than anything else. For what reason? Still unknown to many.

It’s interesting really because Lyney seemed to care for his siblings a lot, and others may have already known but they were from the House of the Hearth headed by Arlecchino “The Knave”.

💧 Lyney — Pyro Bow — Felis Fuscus

As for Lyney, he was the narrator for the teaser, and he has been hinting about the current situation in Fontaine. I’m really excited to see how things will go from here on out especially since Sumeru was a blast!

Other notable characters we see in the trailer are:

💧Navia — Geo ???

💧 Charlotte — Cryo ???

💧 Sigewinne — ??? And Wriothesley — ???

By the way, they look so cute here! Wrio looks like he’s teasing her with choosing the tea instead of the other drink! It’s still unsure what their relationship is, but they look like siblings huhuhu

💧 Clorinde — Electro ???

As I’m looking at her, I’m also desperate for Hoyo to have a gun shooting character. Like a gun weapon type, but I’m not sure if they’ll ever introduce another weapon type because Mika has cross-bow, and not even a new type. A big sigh of disappointment leaves my lips.

She’s so cool though! Aaah! I’m so excited to see what’s her relationship or occupation in the Court of Fontaine!

🌱 Arlecchino — The Knave

Then we got Arlecchino looking so hot and ominous at the same time! The way she talked about Lyney and Lynette as well as the traits of a good actor makes me wonder if she’s treating the situation in Fontaine as nothing more but a trivial play.

🌱 Last but not the least, we get Furina and Neuvilette.

💧 Furina — ???

💧 Neuvillette — ???

If others may have remembered, we already heard of Neuvillette from Nahida’s drip marketing. He’s the Chief Justice in Fontaine and the one to head any cases in the court. He also mentioned once how he admired the Dendro Archon unlike his, but I think he has some sense of respect to his archon.

He also has some theories already speculated by the mass such as him being a Khaenri’ahn because of the eyes while others think he’s an oceanid in human form. Whatever he may be, we’ll know soon. I’m definitely pulling for this daddy man 😋

As for Furina, one thing that comes to mind is she’s definitely the Hydro Archon. This is not coming from leaks or whatsoever, but from pure reasoning alone. Nahida mentioned that the Hydro Archon loved to immerse herself in the feeling of the courtroom but not engaging in it. So it means that she’s usually seen just hanging around the court and never interacting with anyone. In the trailer, she’s seeking a surprise to finally come her way. This makes me think that maybe that surprise she’s looking for will involve the Fatui and Traveler. Whatever conflict it may be, Furina wanted to find delight in that.

🌱 Anyways, that’s all! I just really want to talk about it. I may not be making sense at some parts, but I try. One more patch, and we’re finally seeing our fifth region. I’m so excited!

[i-have-not-slept]

Malectober Day 31: Golden

“Aren’t you going to tell me where we’re going?” Alec asked.

Magnus looked up from the Portal currently forming in front of him, blinking through the sparks. “It’s a surprise.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Don’t you trust me?”

Alec smiled back. “Of course I do.”

“Good.” Magnus said. He held out a hand to Alec. “Come on. I’ll explain everything later.”

Alec took his hand and followed him through the Portal, trusting Magnus to guide them both to their destination.

They emerged onto a cobbled street in bright sunlight. Alec looked around, blinking, at the whitewashed houses, red tiled roofs and rocky brown mountains rising in the distance. The air was warm and smelled like baking bread and spices.

Alec glanced over with Magnus, who was looking at him with a small smile. “Where are we?”

“Peru.” Magnus said cheerfully.

Alec put his hands on his hips, frowning at Magnus severely. “I thought you were banned from Peru. Catarina and Ragnor are always talking about it.” He gave Magnus a suspicious look. “Are we going to have to run from the police again?”

Magnus put on an injured expression. “I resent the implication that I’m constantly dragging you into law-breaking shenanigans. I obtained special permission from the High Council of Peruvian warlocks to enter the country for an afternoon.”

“And they just gave you permission?” Alec said dubiously. “Just like that?”

“Well,” Magnus said slowly. “I may have mentioned that my husband happens to be the Consul of the Shadowhunters and he might not be entirely happy to hear that my request was denied.”

Alec burst out laughing and stepped closer to Magnus, wrapping his arms around him. Magnus leaned into him, nuzzling Alec’s cheek.

“I love you.” Alec murmured against Magnus’s ear. “But you’ve really got to stop using me as a political weapon to get what you want.”

“I’ll stop one day.” Magnus said happily. He kissed Alec’s cheek. “Now, Jace and Clary are watching the boys for the afternoon, so we can stay here until sunset. Come on.” He grabbed Alec’s hand and set off down the street, pulling Alec with him.

“Hey, wait.” Alec said, laughing. “Aren’t you going to tell me why we’re here?”

Was it his imagination, or did Magnus look slightly uncertain? “I’ll tell you later.” he said, squeezing Alec’s hand. “Promise.”

Smiling, Alec shook his head and let Magnus lead him towards the town square. He could put up with a little strangeness if it made Magnus happy.

Hours later, the sun was beginning to dip towards the horizon, and Alec still wasn’t sure why Magnus had brought them here. He wasn’t complaining, though, because every minute together had been wonderful. The town was peaceful, with small, brightly coloured houses and an old cathedral built of white stone that shone in the sunlight. They’d spent hours wandering through the streets, eating food from the roadside vendors, poking into cafés, museums, bookshops.

It was the sort of thing they didn’t get to do very often, time spent outside of home with no sense of urgency or responsibility, no mission to complete and no kids to watch. In Alec’s opinion, there was nothing better than doing nothing with Magnus.

The whole time, Alec had been able to tell Magnus was waiting to tell him something. As they wandered through the markets, Magnus kept giving him little sideways glances, and looking as if he was about to speak before changing his mind. Once it would have worried Alec, but not now. He knew Magnus would tell him when he was ready.

Now, as afternoon flowed into evening, they were hiking up a rocky hill overlooking the town. The path wound upwards through rugged scrubland, glowing gold in the light of the setting sun. Magnus was a few metres ahead of Alec, and he kept looking back at him with a little smile. Alec could tell he was building up to something, but he didn’t say anything, content with the gentle silence between them.

Finally they reached the top of the hill. They were on a flat, rocky plain overlooking the valley and the town below. The light spilled down the hillsides and flowed across the buildings like molten gold.

Magnus turned and looked over at Alec. His face was washed in golden light, making him seem to glow from within. Alec’s heart stuttered briefly in his chest at the sight of him.

“Okay.” Alec said. “Why did you bring me here? I know there’s some kind of reason.”

For the second time that day, Magnus looked hesitant, even a little apprehensive. He stepped closer to Alec, taking his hand and clasping it within both of his. Alec put his other hand over Magnus’. He could tell his husband was working up to some kind of confession.

“Why I brought you here.” Magnus murmured. He had his eyes fixed on their joined hands, like he was half-scared to meet Alec’s eyes. He took a deep breath. “Do you know what this town is called?”

“No.” Alec murmured. He rubbed his thumb over Magnus’s knuckles, feeling the warmth of his skin.

“It’s called Moquega.” Magnus said softly.

“Oh.” Alec said. The name sounded familiar. He thought he might have read it in the notebook of stories Magnus had given him years ago, when they’d got back together after their breakup. “Have you been here before?”

“Once.” Magnus said. He looked up at Alec suddenly, and his expression was more open, more vulnerable than Alec had hardly ever seen it. “Moquegua means “quiet place” in Quechua.” he said haltingly. “When I first came here, I— I didn’t feel comfortable or safe, because I felt— I felt like there was no quiet place in the world for me, and there never would be.”

He dropped his gaze again, gripping Alec’s hand tighter “And I felt like that for a long time. Like I always had to keep moving, and never rest anywhere. But then when I met you— you made me feel anchored. Peaceful.”

He looked up again, and Alec saw that there were tears brimming in his eyes. “I wanted to bring you here to tell you. I’ve never told you before and I wanted to tell you. You’re my quiet place, Alec.”

Alec’s heart broke open, sending warm light flooding through his veins. He wrapped his arms around Magnus, holding him so close he could feel his heartbeat. Magnus put his head down on Alec’s shoulder, shaking in his arms.

“Thank you for telling me.” Alec. He blinked back tears of his own, overwhelmed by a sudden rush of emotions, gratitude and joy and love. “You’re so— you’re so wonderful. You’re everything. I love you, Magnus.”

Magnus gave a soft, teary laugh and pulled away from Alec to look at him. “I love you too.” he whispered, and then they were kissing. Alec cupped the back of Magnus’s neck, closing his eyes, feeling his entire body sing. They held each other close on the mountaintop, in the wash of golden light.

[smilestrawbunny]

Hey! Just a heads up, I'm sending this to multiple people, since I wanna get as many different viewpoints on this as I can. I hope this doesn't bother you. Also, this is pretty long.

So, I have a question about gamedev, but more on the marketing/presence side.

Most gamedevs I know, even hobbyist ones, keep their accounts relatively professional. Sure, they may shitpost here and there, but it's mostly in relation to their games, the gamedev sphere in general, or very general inoffensive stuff. And, most importantly, I've seldom seen my favorite gamedevs (or any of my favorite internet personalities, for that matter) comment on random videos unrelated to what type of content they usually post.

All of my social media accounts are quite unprofessional. I've also had them for a long time, so there are a few things on my digital footprint that I'd rather people not see. I also, for lack of a better way of explaining, watch and read random shit and like to leave comments on it sometimes.

I feel like, I were to become a gamedev, I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. I'd have to treat my internet presence as its own balancing act, rather than a place for me to express myself unabashedly. I know this is working under the assumption that I would get big and that people would give a damn about me, but there is always the off chance of that happening. Of a random game you make suddenly blowing up because it hit the algorithm just right. So it's better to be prepared. And even if I don't get that big boom in popularity, I still plan to at least make games consistently enough to build a community of their own. Nothing like, huge, but I really enjoy the idea of people enjoying my work and sharing that enjoyment with others. But I don't want that to cross over into my personal life!

I know that's not an impossible feat, but I feel like it kind of destroys the purpose of the internet for me. To me, it's always been a safe space where I could express myself and easily connect with people with similar viewpoints, but I am now coming to odds with this concept as I consider how I want to become a gamedev.

There's also the side note that I don't wanna rebrand. At least not completely. I don't mind cleaning up my accounts or deleting some old ones, but I've grown very attached to being "Quamai". I can't imagine myself having any other online identity, even if there are some cringy moments attached to it.

So, do you have any advice for my situation? How did you personally go about your own online image, and what do you think is the best course of action?

Thank you in advance!

Oh, I am such a funny person to come to about this- I never let being a game dev stop me from interacting with works I like, haha! Maybe that’s just because I’m a smaller creator, though. Just recently I posted death note fan art, I’m currently working up the courage to post about fandom related ocs, and I’m hosting a game jam encouraging fan works that might be considered “cringy.”

The people who like you and your work will still be there regardless. You can count on that as a fact! So why should you stop yourself from having fun?

Life is far too short to be worried about your public image to such a high degree. Like you said, these are already things that you actively do to express yourself and enjoy! So if it gives you any semblance of comfort, I’ll start doing even more “unprofessional” things to help you out there <3 /pos

[the-kittens-of-vol-tron]

It's Just Pretend

Chapter 1: Hear Me Out!

Summary: Lance and Keith are fresh out of college. They are already "living" the post-graduate dream. Well paying jobs in their respective fields. Solid friendships, just one thing is getting in their way. They need an apartment as soon as possible. Everywhere they look goes with another couple.

An idea given by a friend leads these two boys into a fake engagement just to score an apartment.

They find an apartment quickly, but will the engagement stay fake forever?

AO3!

Word Count: 1,733

Hey everyone, I'm back with another random fic!

I've been wanting to write this for a while and finally started a month ago <3 (Shout out to @shirokeithpidgearemybesties for motivating me to write <3333)

Enjoy~

“Oh that’s fine, thank you for getting back with us,” Lance rubbed his eyes as the person on the other end of the phone apologized once more. “Have a good night.” He ended the call, leaning his head back with a groan.

“What did they say?” Keith asked in a knowing tone.

Lance cleared his throat, raising his voice an octave to match the person on the phone. “So sorry Mister McClain, but we rented the apartment to someone else.”

Keith rolled his eyes, “we make three times the rent combined! We were more than qualified.”

“Tough market I guess.” Lance slipped his phone back into his pocket, “I’m going to get a drink. Need anything while I’m out?”

Keith shook his head, reaching for his laptop. “I’ll be looking at some more places while you’re gone.”

Lance nodded, moving to grab his keys and slip his shoes on. “You’re the best man.” He unlocked the door, “be home later.” And while a mumbled goodbye he clicked the door closed and started down the hall.

---

He slammed his glass down, grimacing around the bitter liquid. “I just don’t get it, Adam. What are we doing wrong?!”

The bartender slid him another shot, grabbing his other glass. “Sounds to me like nothing.”

Lance groaned, resting his head on the cold wood. “We are freshly graduated, both make way more than the ‘required’ renters amount. Is it because we’re young?! Do people think we’re party animals?!”

Adam shrugged as he started to polish some glasses. “Could be several things. It’s hard to say.”

“You’re no help.”

“I’m a bartender, not a real estate agent.” He placed the glass he was holding down. Grabbing a new one right after. “How much longer can you and your roommate stay in your current housing?”

“Another month max. It’s student housing, they’re going to kick us out once the semester starts.”

“Running out of time.”

Lance sighed. “It’s not like we haven’t been trying. Each one we applied to just gets taken right from under us.”

“Maybe it has to do with how you present yourselves,” Adam said with a bored expression.

Lance shook his head. “We always shower before and wear nice clothes. We make sure we look responsible and put together.”

Adam hummed. “Maybe they just want couples.”

“What?”

“Like married couples? Some studies have started to look at that.”

“They legally can’t discriminate like that.” Lance downed his other drink.

Adm shook his head. "They actually can." He stared at the other boy for a moment before sighing. "Look,” he placed the glass he was polishing down. Placing his hands on the countertop, the towel draped on his right shoulder. “I moved in with my fiance after our engagement. Our other friends did the same. So I’m not sure what your experience is but we didn’t have any place to turn us down. And neither did our friends.”

“Way to rub it in my face, I'm single.” He slid the cup to Adam. “If I ever get engaged I’ll keep that in mind.”

Adam grabbed his glass, “fake it.”

“What?”

“You and your roommate, fake it. Just for the sake of finding a place.”

Lance stared at his bartender. Slowly blinking a couple of times. “I’m sorry, did you get drunk instead? What are you saying?”

Adam sent him a small smile, “where did you get confused?”

Lance laughed. “My roommate would never be okay with that.” He stood, fishing for $20 out of his wallet. “We’ll find a place. By next week. We’ll have a place.”

---

One Week Later

“Any updates?” Adam slid two shots toward Lance and Hunk.

Hunk sent him a smile while Lance quickly downed his drink. “Two more rejections.”

Adam whistled, “New weekly record?”

“Ha ha, very funny.” Lance crossed his arms and rested them on the table. Dropping his head on them. “It's hopeless, we’re going to be homeless at this rate!”

“Take a breath man, you two will find something.” Hunk rubbed Lance’s back, trying to soothe his friend.

“Easy for you to say, you and Shay scored a place months ago,” Lance grumbled back.

“I don’t know what we did differently,” Hunk said. Sounding a bit exasperated. A conversation they had numerous times.

Lance looked at Adam who was giving him a knowing look. “Nope nope nope,” he lifted his head. Pointing his finger at the man behind the bar. “Don’t even suggest that again.”

“Suggest what?” Hunk asked.

“What does Shay have that neither you nor your roommate has?” Adam sent a smile toward Lance.

Lance mumbled out an answer.

“I’m sorry what?” Adam leaned forward slightly.

Lance sighed. “A ring.”

“Three for three,” Adam said, leaning back some while crossing his arms.

Lance sighed, “I need another drink.”

---

“No, absolutely not.” Keith crossed his arms, sending Lance a stern look.

“Come on mullet! It’s just pretending.”

Keith stared at his roommate, his face unchanged. “No.”

Lance threw his hands in the air in frustration. “It wouldn’t hurt to try.”

“I’m not pretending to be married to you.”

“Engaged.”

“Right…engaged. Because there is such a difference.” Keith scoffed.

“There is.”

They both fell into a stiff silence. Neither of them dared to break it. Lance chewed on his inner cheek, his hands fidgeting by his upper thighs. Keith stared at the floor, his feet hanging off his bed. Lance sighed, “Keith, buddy, my man. It could work, we can just try it-”

“No,” Keith slid off his bed. He moved to slip on his shoes. “Don’t bring that idiotic idea up again.” He left the room with a slam.

Lance sat on his bed and mumbled under his breath. “We’re never going to find a place.”

---

One Week Later

Keith stormed into the room, curses being sputtered quietly. Lance sat up, lifting his headphone off his right ear. “Yo, what got you pissed off?”

The other boy fished his phone from his pocket. Shoving it in Lance’s face. A rejection email meeting his blue eyes. Lance groaned. “We’re running out of options.”

Keith took his phone away and paced the room. His hands found a home in his hair. “We only have two weeks left, what are we going to do?!”

“Well-”

He stopped and pivoted towards Lance. “No.”

Lance raised his hands in the air, “I didn’t even say anything!”

“You were thinking about it.”

"Keith,” Lance stood from where he was laying. “What do we have to lose?”

“My pride,” he mumbled as he flopped on his bed. Sighing as he stared at the ceiling.

“You lost that long ago.”

Kieth scoffed. “When?”

Lance raised his eyebrows at him as if the answer was obvious. “Ah-hem. One word, six letters.”

“Stop-”

“M U L-”

“STOP!”

“L E T. MULLET-” Lance sat up from his bed, Keith following suit.

“I don’t have a mullet,” Keith ran his fingers through his hair. Yanking at the long locks, a groan of annoyance escaped his lips.

“Sure buddy,” Lance sent him a tense smile.

Keith dropped his hands, “how would it even work? Pretending to be…together.”

Lance giggled. “You don’t have to sound so scared of the idea.”

“I don’t like intimacy.” Keith crossed his arms over his chest. Trying to keep his posture stoic.

“Keith my man. My buddy,” Lance stood and took a couple of steps to his roommate's bed. Sitting down next to him, casually throwing his arm over his shoulder. He pulled him closer so his head was almost forced to rest on Lance’s shoulder. “It’s not real. That’s why it’s ‘fake.’ All we have to do is say we’re engaged, and make up some ‘this is where we met’ story. Which, we can say we met at in college-”

“We did,” Keith mumbled.

“See! One step is already done. You’re so smart.” Lance squeezed him tighter, raising his voice into a mushy tone.

���Lance!”

He laughed and loosened his hold. “We can use our actual friendships as the timeline for our relationship. Maybe get a fake ring for one of us and let me do the talking. No kissing, at least on the lips, and holding hands and hugs are the max we will do around others. It’s not torture, it’s just pretend.”

Keith didn’t reply, his breathing low and evening. He was mulling it over. Weighing the pros and cons as if his life depended on it.

“Take the night and consider it? I’m meeting Hunk for dinner.” Lance made his way to the door, grabbing his signature green jacket as he slipped his shoes on. “Later, Mullet.” He twisted the handle, reaching for his keys as he opened the door.

“We can try it.”

“Hm?” Lance froze, his eyes falling on Keith.

Keith sighed, his eyes burning the ground. “We can try it. But only for a week.”

Lance grinned. “See you later then…. Babe.” He closed the door, not missing Keith’s groan of regret.

---

“All of the appliances are brand new, top of the line. It comes with both a washer and a dryer. All utilities are included in the rent. Any pets are an additional $25 a month each and each apartment comes with two numbered parking spots. Any additional vehicles just need to park in the uncovered lot.” The girl, Nyma, stopped in the kitchen. Placing her binder on the white marble countertop.

“This is really…wow this is gorgeous.” Lance walked through the living room once more, leaving Keith in the kitchen. “Babe, what do you think about it?” He glanced toward Keith who was staring out one of the windows. “Baby?”

Keith’s eyes snapped to Lance, and a small blush formed on his face before he cleared his throat. “It’s perfect.”

Nyma looked between them, her eyes gleaming. “Are you two interested?”

Lance nodded excitedly as he made his way over to his friend. “My fiance and I have been looking for a place for months but none of them have come close to this.” He intertwined their hands together, his thumb unconsciously rubbing along the backside of Keith’s hand. Unaware of the tension Keith held in his body over the touch.

“How long have you two been together?”

Keith froze, but Lance took charge. “Four years together, but one year engaged.” He sent Keith a smile who nodded.

Nyma grinned, moving to open her binder. “Let me talk you through the application.”

They were approved that night.

-----

I'm aiming for a biweekly update, but I do work full time so I write when I have energy <3

I hope you liked it

Thank you for reading <33333

[akane-kurokawa]

Chapter 147 thoughts!

Ruby not recognizing Kamiki is weird and disappointing tbh. The man looks literally just like Aqua, Akane spotted it at a glance. She’s been acting against Aqua pretending to be this man for months, it feels so contrived that she doesn’t recognize him.

Speaking of contrived, this entire conversation feels so out of no where? No one’s been talking about any of their thoughts this entire arc, but once Ruby steps out with (from her perspective) some stranger, she unloads everything on her mind.

Some of his responses are a bit interesting, I’m curious to learn more about his perspective, and how he feels about his children (especially since the writing keeps baiting the idea of Ruby being a future target) but I can’t get over how forced and out of place this whole scene is.

This isn’t confirmation that he’s attempting on her life to me, solely because I REFUSE to think Kamiki is that dumb. In broad daylight, in public??? On a whim??? If Kamiki is the 5d chess player the story is trying to make him out to be he can’t be doing goofy shit like this.

Oh hey Akane, we thought you were dead.

Seriously I’m glad to see her again, and I’m even more glad that she was actually doing something while in off screen purgatory. I’d like to get more information next chapter on what she’s been up to and what (if fucking anything) she’s managed to learn from her backslide from Private Investigator into stalker.

Also Nino! She was just like… hiding away in the rain during the earlier scene ig, but I’m glad she’s here. If she, Kamiki, and Kaburagi have some evil alliance or whatever I’ll be so thrilled, that’s hilarious.

Confirmation of Aqua’s plan! If this had been said near the beginning of the movie I would’ve said that I called it, but honestly, this contradicts Aqua’s actions this entire arc in my eyes. Aqua goes out of his way in both the writing and acting to portray Kamiki as sympathetically as humanly possible, to the point where even the real world audience of Oshi no ko feels for him. He’s been humanized even more than Ai, who was the one this movie was SUPPOSED to humanize.

And wow, there goes the rest of filming I guess. We ended up not going in order after all, which makes that line about chronological filming only more confusing. There goes the big “forgive or not forgive” moment that had been built up since the beginning of the arc. Whatever.

With the filming arc over, I wanted to give me thoughts on it in specific, at least my current thoughts. Many in the server are planning a reread and I’ll probably do one as well.

First, the good. I think the artwork in this arc has been some of the best in the series, especially during the filming itself. Ruby’s breakdown as Ai and Frill’s performances as Airi are my biggest highlights.

I think there’s a lot of compelling setup in this arc, Nino is a fantastic character and im thrilled that her chapter we got before won’t be the end of her relevance. I also enjoyed meeting Ai’s mother, even if it was briefer than I would’ve liked.

I have two main problems with this arc that I think mostly come down to its structure. While a lot of it was strong setup for later arc things, despite being the longest arc in the series, it hardly had substance of its own. We set up the incest arc, set up Kana getting marketed differently, set up Akane’s big stalker adventure, set up for Aqua’s entire plan, set up for Kamiki’s entire plan.

What did we resolve this arc? Kana’s jealousy? Not really, she just lashed out about it and Ruby said “Nuh uh” and it was done. It feels like we spent all this time doing nothing, in an arc that had so much worthwhile material to cover that it chose to skip instead.

That said, I believe the FILMING is over, but we’ll probably have to do test screenings and marketing and so on. I’m hoping that we’ll be expanding on those skipped scenes and lack of character thoughts on them in the future, but this arc has just been a series of me going “oh they skipped that? That sucks, I hope they do it later” and while I suppose they can with some of those things, I doubt it’ll be getting closure on EVERYTHING I’ve said that about.

Either the next arc will be another really good one, paying off all the setup from this wet blanket of an arc, or it’s the beginning of the end and the conclusions won’t live up to the mysteries that have been dangling in front of us all series.

Regardless of which it is, I plan on sticking it out until the end. I may have to start lowering my expectations I think, I was expecting more from this series than an arc like this. I wouldn’t be so harsh on it if it didn’t have as much potential as it does.

[mamamittens]

Oh SHIT Sale

Well!

Uh, good news first! I’m okay, and will likely be okay, things just suddenly got very… unfortunate. In a very rapid amount of time. I'm going to need to step carefully for the foreseeable future or there will be problems.

So, here’s the deal. I need money. And the sooner I get on that, the better I’ll feel in general. I won’t go into detail to keep this as ‘guilt-trippy’ free as possible but, the household income (not from me) just dropped and I’m hopeful that it will recover soon but the job market is… lacking. To be blunt.

Now, I’m not expecting people to just give me money. So, I’m doing a bit of a sale.

Typically, commissions are $1 for 100 SFW words and $2 for 100 NSFW words. (So, $30 for 3K SFW commission and $30 for 1.5K NSFW commission).

For now, that price will be halved.

So, for a limited time, $1 will get you 200 SFW commissioned words and $2 will get you 200. Or just $0.50 for 100 SFW words and a $1 for 100 NSFW words if you prefer to think of it that way.

Can’t think of any prompt for a commission? Why, you can just shove that money into a pending work I already have and just… haven’t updated. Sponsor a chapter, so to speak.

Now, please understand, I would ordinarily never. Do. This.

My fanfiction is, generally, for free because it’s a passion of mine for as long as the passion survives. And considering how personally I take my stories, I would never ordinarily put a paywall in front of chapters or compromise my earnest passion for monetary gain in an already established fanfic. I started these stories because I had a deep desire to tell them. To tell my stories. And you, the general audience, are free to enjoy them for as long as I am capable of writing them and posting them online.

As such, in the case of this option, it won’t be treated the same as a commission. A chapter will have a flat rate. Let’s say… $20 bucks upfront (commissions may still be half upfront and the other half upon completion but I would appreciate it during these trying times if the full amount could be paid all at once). And then I really have to do it damnit, inspiration be damned.

You're basically paying to shove my nose into the story and write damnit.

Nothing quite like brokenness to inspire, I suppose. You can chose the story, naturally, and how many chapters, but that’s it. I can’t in good conscious and without feeling more gross than I already do, compromise more. If I reach the end of the story… we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, but I do believe I’ll refund the appropriate amount or you may transfer that to a different story as you please.

I sincerely hope you understand.

This is in NO WAY a reflection of how I WANT to write fanfiction. And it will not persist once the current issue is resolved.

How long is this “Oh shit” sale going?

Well, as long as it has to, to be honest. If, somehow, all my monetary problems are solved before any of the comms are complete, then that money just goes to my credit card bill. Something I’ve needed to whittle down for a while but haven’t been able to and definitely adds to the amount the household ultimately needs to keep churning.

For simplicity, I’ll do slots to be filled. That and it’ll keep everything organized. Once the slots are filled, I’ll close the “Oh shit” sale until it’s done so I don't end up with a massive pile of work to stress over.

First come, first serve, and if you just want to send some love my way in the form of money, I have a Ko-fi, which is what I’ll be paid through regardless for simplicities sake.

Keep in mind normal commission rules apply, including concerning NSFW content, commissioner ages, and character ages. And kinks. I WILL refund money if it has been preemptively sent before the details have been ironed out. Please wait until I have confirmed I can do it before sending any money, barring tips, which are greatly appreciated if possible.

Writing commissions:

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Story sponsoring:

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[heecase]

Midnight Rain Chapter 5: Drunken Confessions

Synopsis: You've always been a planner. You had your whole life planned out, but Heeseung breaking up with you for a chance to become an idol wasn't apart of your plan. So now you're stuck with supporting him from afar. Until a college boy sweeps you off your feet. Everything was supposed to be perfect. Then why were you still yearning for your first love? Pairing: Idol! Heeseung x Fem! Reader; Nonidol! Yeonjun x Fem! Reader Word Count: 2.7k Genre: Angst, Fluff Warnings: Heartbreak; Toxic Relationships; Domestic Violence; Physical Violence; Bruises mentioned; Gaslighting; Panic Attacks and Nightmares;

A/N: The story is all fiction, please don't take any depictions of the boys to heart. New chapters will be uploaded once a week. Any feedback is welcomed! Please enjoy~

Previous | Next | Masterlist

Your relationship with Yeonjun wasn't always so black and white. In the first few years, everything felt like a dream, he made you feel like being with him meant nothing was impossible. Like he would bend the will of god just to get you what you wanted. On top of that he was charming and adventurous, which was the push you needed to get out of your comfort zone. He made you want to go to frat parties and let loose on a Friday night, instead of curling up on the couch with some snacks and watching Enhypen content or the latest kdrama. He was like a storm designed to sweep you off your feet and make you live dangerously for once. However, once university ended and the pressures of the real world started, that was when the rose tinted glasses finally got removed. Yeonjun was 2 years older than you so he was already a junior when you started dating, but he ended up failing some classes and stayed at the university for another year and a half longer than he was supposed to. Which meant, he only graduated a semester before you did.

After your graduation, you two decided to move in together. Mainly because you noticed how Yeonjun was having trouble finding a job plus he was estranged from his family, so he didn’t have anyone else to support him. You still had money saved up from your part time job at the library and your internship, so you thought it would be enough to get both of you by until Yeonjun got a steady job.  In the beginning you didn’t mind how things were, you loved him after all, but things never got better. The situation only ever got worse. 

He was constantly out job hunting, while you went to work at your current company. You were lucky enough to snag an internship at Kakao Entertainment in your last year of university and they liked you enough to offer you a full time position once you graduated, which you gladly accepted. But that meant, you had a job where you were making steady income, while Yeonjun was doing the opposite and he never liked feeling inferior, especially to you.

It took him almost a year after graduation to finally get a job in marketing, but the company culture was ruthless and he ended up quitting the job just 6 months in. Which led to your first ever real fight.

“Why did you quit before you got another job?! What am I supposed to do about rent for next month?” You sighed frustratingly running a hand through your hair.

“What was I supposed to do? Stand there and listen to them belittle me for the 100th time that day? You didn’t hear what they were saying about me. I fucking hate it when they make it look like I’m stupid. I’m not fucking stupid.” He defended but the argument was on deaf ears.

“You couldn’t handle having your ego hit so now we might not be able to afford rent. This is ridiculous, Yeonjun.” You sighed.

“My ego? Do you even care about the fact that they were talking shit about me to my face?” He furrowed his brows, slowly getting angrier and angrier as the conversation continued.

“Of course, I do. I just don’t think you went about it the right way.”

“Well what would you have done, little miss perfect? Since I went about it the wrong way, what would be right in your book?” He taunted, making you angrier as well.

“I would’ve at least had another job lined up before quitting and putting both of us in this position.” You closed your eyes and massaged your temples to ease the ache that was forming.

“I hate that about you. I hate that you always think you’re better than me.”

“What are you talking about? I don’t think I’m better than you-”

“Yes, you fucking do!” He cut you off. ��I get it. I fucked up and I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the better of me but that doesn’t give you the right to berate me too.” He angrily slammed his hands down on the kitchen island, making you jump in the process. “I don’t fucking need this right now.” He growled before exiting the apartment. 

You didn’t go after him, thinking you both needed the space to sort out your emotions before talking it out again. The next day, Yeonjun came back with flowers and an apology. You accepted and believed him when he told you he would try harder to find a decent job. But it was hard for him to get his foot through the door of any established company, especially since he didn’t have much experience. He ended up working odd jobs to help with the living expenses as he continued to job hunt. In the beginning, you thought that he had really changed but as he kept getting rejected from every company he applied to, he started going back to his old ways. Yeonjun wasn’t ever physically abusive towards you, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t emotionally abusive.

Every time he came home drunk, you would get angry at him which would piss him off as well. The arguments always led to one of you sleeping on the couch, or sometimes you would leave and stay with Chaewon or he would go to his friend’s house for the night. The one thing that never changed was the following day a bouquet of flowers would appear along with an apology. This cycle continued until he landed his current job. Since they were just beginning to get their feet off the ground, he was nose deep in work and the arguments eventually stopped. But they weren’t the only things to end. His attention and affection towards you also stopped all together. 

“Y/n, I miss you.” Yeonjun said, as he made his way towards you. You were backed up to a wall with no room for escaping. “Don’t do this to me. We love each other. We shouldn’t fight anymore.”

“Yeonjun, we both know that that love ended a long time ago.” You said, as he caged your body in between his arms.

“No, I won’t let you go. We need each other.” His hands wrapped around the base of your shoulders. “Everything will be okay as long as we’re together.” You felt his hands move from your shoulder up to your neck as your breath was ripped from your lungs.

“Let me go! Yeonjun, you’re hurting me!” You struggled against his hold as you felt his fingers dig into the sides of your neck, blocking any air from reaching your burning lungs.

“If you want to end things then fine. We can end it together.” His eyes looked dead as you stared into them, continuing to struggle. 

“Let me go! Let go of me!” Your body jerked awake as you felt strong arms wrap around you.

“Shhh.. It’s okay. You’re okay.” Heeseung whispered into your ear as he held you. “Heeseung?” You pulled away from him to look at his tired face.

“You had a nightmare. I heard you screaming so I came to check on you.” His thumb caressed your cheeks as he wiped the tears from your face. 

His brows knitted together with worry. You’ve only been at his dorm for two days and every time you try to sleep, you wake up screaming. He insisted you stay here for a couple more days when you tried to leave after you woke up screaming on the first night. He doesn’t want you to be alone. He doesn’t want you to have a nightmare and wake up with no one there to tell you it’s okay, that you’re okay now. So he’ll keep you here as long as he can. Even if that’s selfish of him.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” You ran a hand through your hair, trying to get your bearings. 

“It’s okay. I wasn’t asleep yet.” 

“What were you doing? It’s so late. Don’t you have work tomorrow?” You asked, glancing at the digital clock on his bedside table. 3:35AM.

“I’ll be fine. I was just having a beer. I-uh, couldn’t sleep. Had too many thoughts in my head.” His hands held yours as he continued to sooth you.

“Want some company? I could use the distraction.”

“Sure.” You exchanged small smiles as he led you back into the living room where you saw a pillow and blanket thrown roughly on the couch. There were multiple cans of beer and various snacks scattered across the coffee table, which you assume was where Heeseung was doing his thinking. He left you to sit as he went to the kitchen to get more beer. 

“I hope this one is okay.” He handed you the cold can, after opening it for you.

“I’m sure it’s fine.” You chuckled slightly at how awkward he was being.

“So do you want to talk about your nightmares?” He glanced at you, taking a sip of his beer to hide his expression. You reluctantly tell him about your nightmares and how they always end with Yeonjun trying to strangle you. “He’s really a piece of shit, isn’t he? He’s even hurting you in your sleep.” He frowned.

“It wasn’t always like this. He used to make me feel like if I wanted the world, he would do everything in his power to get it for me. But people change and circumstances do too” You looked down at the can on your lap as a sad smile graced your lips.

“It’s his loss anyways. He doesn’t deserve your pity. Not after what he’s done.” Heeseung’s eyes shined with rage as he looked at your exposed bruises. 

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m the reason why people keep leaving me. Maybe this is just my karma.” You pull your hair from behind your ear to hide the bruises on your neck that you know are now fully purple.

“Hey, don’t think like that. You’re never to blame for anything he’s done and I hope for his sake that he leaves you alone because if he puts his hands on you again. I can’t promise that I won’t do anything about it.” His grip tightened on the can making the metal collapse in on itself.

“Thank you. For being here for me, even though I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me.” You were too embarrassed to look at him so you kept your eyes on the beer can in front of you.

“I wish I would’ve given you the chance to be. I was young and stupid. I shouldn’t have broken up with you like that. I shouldn’t have let you leave the park crying. I should’ve-”

“Hey, it’s okay.” You placed a hand over his when you saw how his body started to shake. “It’s all in the past now and there are no hard feelings.”

“But that’s the problem.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m still in love with you.” You stared at him for a second before looking away.

“You’re drunk.” You sighed, pulling your hand back.

“Fuck. Maybe I am, but it’s the truth. Ever since you left the park that day, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Yes, I had a lot going on with the survival show and I’ve been really busy with schedules after becoming an idol but there hasn’t been a moment when I’ve not thought about you. It’s been over 5 years, Y/n. I’ve had to live with the regret of letting you go for 5 years so when you ran away from me again at that party. I thought my chances of making it up to you were over. But here you are and I have to pinch myself just to make sure I’m not dreaming.” He confessed, staring intensely into the side of your face because you refused to look at him. 

“I’m sorry. I just don’t think I can do this right now.” You wiped your eyes as tears started to fall.

“Y/n, I’m not asking you to do anything and I don’t expect anything from you either. I just want you to know how I feel and that I promise you, I’ll be here for you from now on. Whether that’s as friends or more. It’s up to you to decide. I can be whatever you want me to be but please let me back into your life. Don’t shut me out anymore.” He pleaded, reaching out to grab your hand in his. 

Your tears continued to fall as you finally looked at him. He was looking at you with so much love in his eyes that you wanted to melt. You wanted to fall back into him but the baggage you carried was more than you wanted to admit. You didn’t want to burden him anymore than you already have. Because at the end of the day, it’s not just his career that’s on the line. It’s also the careers of the rest of Enhypen too. But just for tonight, you’ll give into your desires and you’ll leave tomorrow.

So you didn’t resist when he reached up to wipe away your tears or when he continued to stare into your eyes as he caressed your cheeks. You let your body do what it wanted to as you felt the distance close between you two. His warm breath fanned across your face as your brain sent an sos to the rest of your body. But your heart intercepted the signals as you pressed your lips against his in a slow but needy kiss. The familiarity of his lips gave you the courage to reach up and bury your hand in his hair, deepening the kiss. You felt like you were in high school again. Like no time has passed and your life didn’t take the dark turn that it did after you met Yeonjun. Would this be what it would’ve been like had you fought harder for your relationship? If you didn’t let him go? A cough made you break away from each other as you buried your face into the side of the couch in embarrassment.

“Hyung, did you not get any rest?” Jungwon’s tired voice asked as he pretended to not see what was going on.

“Uh, not really… But you’re up early.” Heeseung responded, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

“Yeah… I have an early vocal class before our dance practice at noon. You should get some rest before then.” The older boy nodded at him and Jungwon glanced at your figure briefly before heading to the bathroom. Once he was out of earshot, Heeseung turned to you and started giggling.

“Stop laughing!” You whisper yelled, punching him in the arm.

“It’s kinda funny don’t you think?” He continued to giggle as he pretended to be hurt by your punches.

“No! It’s not! I’m mortified right now. What if he tells the others? How am I supposed to look them in the eye after this?” You buried your face in your hands.

“It’s okay, Jungwon won’t say anything to the others. He’s not like that.” He reassured you before pulling your hands away from your face. “We should get you back to bed. Are you going to work today?”

“No, I called my boss earlier and told him I caught a cold so I’m gonna be out for a few days.” You didn’t want to admit it but you were still scared of Yeonjun coming to find you at work, but you didn’t want to tell Heeseung that.

“Great. Now you can sleep in too!” He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards his bedroom. 

“Goodnight, Y/n” He said as he tucked you into bed. Grabbing your hand again, he placed a soft kiss on each of your knuckles before pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Stay with me.” You said, feeling like you needed his embrace one more time before you leave. “Please.” You could tell Heeseung was contemplating what to do for a second but he eventually peeled the covers back and slid into the space beside you. You wrapped your arms around his waist as he engulfed you in his arms. You listened to his heartbeat, the sound soothes you more than you’re willing to admit. After a few minutes, you could feel his breathing even out and his soft snores were heard. You looked up to see him fast asleep but looking as gorgeous as ever and that’s when it hit you.

“I’m still in love with you too.”

Taglist: @nobodyshallenter @sunsunl0ver @huening-ly @qeen123 @carmendanny2

[inkandpaperqwerty]

List: The Sequel

So, I mentioned this in my weekly post, and I actually managed to get it done this week! Below is a list of stories I haven’t posted yet but am currently working on, which is something I've done before and really enjoyed handing out to people. 

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Criminal Minds – Through the Gate – Edward has no idea what world he just woke up in, but there was a murderer, and there was blood everywhere, and he got the distinct feeling he wasn’t in Amestris anymore. Meanwhile, the BAU team is trying to figure out who this blonde boy is and how he got such advanced prosthetics. And what is this alchemy he keeps talking about? It’s like nothing they’ve ever heard before. ((This one is at 12,299 words, so it’s not that long, and I’m not entirely sure where I want to take it. Definitely going to try and get some work done on it in the coming weeks, as this is the only story from my previous list that has not been posted yet.))

Supernatural – Untitled – Xal has no idea how long he’s been enduring Heaven’s Persuasion, but it’s been a long time. He has no idea why Heaven is telling him to do what they’re telling him to do, but he knows he doesn’t trust it. He has no idea where the Winchesters are, but he knows he has to get to them. There’s a lot he doesn’t know, but at the same time, there’s a lot he does know, and maybe… if he plays his cards right… he can do a little persuading of his own. ((Part 3 of the Building Bridges series. I’ve started this one, but I haven’t gotten very far.))

Avengers – A Song by Any Other Name – Just a little oneshot set in the Restitution universe wherein Tony gives Steve, Loki, and Thor a list of songs that have some pretty nonsensical lyrics. They listen to them, and immense confusion ensues. (This one I would say is about halfway done, and it will be posted as Chapter 8 of Restitution Bonus Features.))

Supernatural & Criminal Minds – Friendship is Magic – “Now that you’re all awake, it’s time to get down to business.” The BAU team and both Winchester brothers wake up in captivity, but they don’t stay there long. Their captor releases them, gives them some resources, and reveals that the cases they’ve been working are perpetrated by both a normal human and a witch. They’ll have to work together to catch their targets, but… that’s much easier said than done. ((I don’t like this summary, but it gets the point across. I think it might be a while until you see this one because it’s turning into a very complicated, in-depth case.)) 

Supernatural – Untitled – Dean knows that hunter’s markets put monsters down. It happens all the time. He knows this. But when it’s about to happen right in front of him, it doesn’t seem to matter how unruly and violent this angel is. He has to do something to stop it. So he offers half a grand, and suddenly, he owns an angel. Only the angel isn’t grateful. Instead, it wants to kill both him and Sam—desperately—and they have to find some way to change its mind. ((I know I’ve done a lot of Slavery!Supernatural stories, but it’s a favorite of mine, and I can’t help myself. I don’t intend to make this one very long, but honestly, I have no idea where it’s going to go. We’ll have to wait and see!))

So, this is what you can expect to see in the coming days! I would love some feedback letting me know what you’re looking forward to or something you would like to see depicted in these stories I’m working on. Let me know what you think!

Also, please keep in mind that, even though I am working diligently on these stories, I am also working on getting my first book published! Cataclysm is finished and fully edited, and now we've moved on to the formatting phase. There's a lot going on, and it's bound to take away from my fanfiction exploits. Thank you so much for your patience, and thanks for reading this!

[doberbutts]

Tag to make sure I don’t forget: @alliered asked for my review of Harvestella [so far] and I didn’t want to write a whole huge long scroll monster for those who want to skip it. So for those who don’t care about videogames, here’s a readmore

I’m about halfway through the first season (I think? This will be a point later) and mid chapter 3 of ??? so keep in mind I am pretty early on in the game still.

As said in my original post about the game, it’s not really a Stardew clone, so anyone expecting that going in is inherently going to be disappointed. I did not see any advertising for this game (intentionally- as stated I prefer going in 100% blind if possible) so I don’t know if it was advertised specifically as a Stardew clone or if it was just supposed to be a farming sim with Final Fantasy elements. Which personally I would say it’s a Final Fantasy game- and a FF offshoot game at that- with farming elements. Think Crystal Chronicles and Tatics when thinking of the tone and “feel” of the game, with gameplay more akin to CC or even some of the Mana games.

It has a fairly robust job system which, so far, is mostly a stance dance. Mage is good against some enemies and bad against others. Lancer is better for these enemies but Fighter’s better for those. And so on. I haven’t really seen any indicators to tell me which job is best for which enemy but you can switch on the fly (you’re supposed to switch on the fly) and your appearance and weapon change accordingly. Kind of like how in X-2, the different costumes gave you different abilities. I’ve been defaulting Fighter/Mage because those are the first two classes and they give you pretty beefy hits for many of the beginning enemies, but I’m sure as the game rolls on I’ll probably find something I like better.

Farming is fairly simple, and this is where I think a lot of people were disappointed. You’ve got a house and a field you can upgrade and put stuff on, yes. But those used to the level of customization found in later Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons/Rune Factory games, and even Stardew Valley, are going to resent the fact that there’s nothing really to mark it as “yours”. There’s a set number of places you can put things and a set number of things you can put. You can upgrade the house but so far I’ve not found any fun decorative options and it doesn’t really seem like that’ll be a thing here. It’s much more early Harvest Moon in that way, actually as I’ve been playing I’ve been thinking about how similar it is to Innocent Life, which I thought was fun enough but a lot of people really didn’t like it. That game’s sitting at a 5-6/10 even nowadays, and it came out in 2007 [in the US].

Anyway, the farming aspect is mostly just so you can make money. On one hand they do flat-out tell you that (”but you must make money somehow, so why not grow and sell vegetables”) and plot-wise it makes sense in the grand scheme, but I do think at the current moment you could take out the farming elements and it would play mostly the same with little detraction of quality, and that kinda sucks for a game marketed as a “farming sim”, you know? It’s just a chore to do so you don’t run out of money while you’re off adventuring every day. In fairness, that’s also what crops turn into towards the end of Stardew, where if you’re doing it right your farm is mostly automated and you’re fucking off 99% of the time to one of the dungeons or running around after villagers or chasing elusive difficult-to-catch fish.

Speaking of- villager NPCs. I understand why they made them this way but I do think that it will put a lot of people off. The vast majority of NPCs are nameless, with no portrait or unique quality whatsoever, and there is no relationship/friendship system with them. Important NPCs are named, have a portrait, and also have a serious case of Main Character Syndrome where they stand out from everyone else. These are the people you can build social connections with, not the others (outside of cute little sidequests that are 100% optional). This is in part because there are multiple towns and giving each of these 20-ish person towns unique, fleshed out characters is, well... super fucking annoying and a waste of time especially knowing that many of these characters are gunna have maybe 3 lines. Also, gone are the days of memorizing your future spouse’s daily routine just so you can chase them around and throw a turnip at them every day and making sure you enter a map by the south exit at exactly 3pm on a sunny day (yes I’m looking at you, Kai romance in FoMT)- you level up your social connections via doing quests and completing the story.

Fishing is: buy book about fishing, select “fish” when at a designated fishing area, wait, press “A” when you hear a big splash, ta-da you have a fish. So there is no fishing minigame which I know some folks were sad about but also that is more or less how fishing has worked in the various Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons games for decades so... Also I distinctly remember when Stardew first came out everyone hated the fishing minigame because it was poorly explained and also super hard, and there’s still mods to make fishing easier in Stardew to this day, so maybe the lack of a minigame is not such a bad thing.

Plot is pretty standard fare Final Fantasy shenanigans. The crystals are Being Weird and You Have Amnesia But Seem To Be Connected To It All and The Religion Is Heavily Foreshadowed To Be Bad. I do like that your friend Aria has a backstory so far that’s pretty much I’m The Main Character, but she’s not the main character. I thought that was an interesting subversion of the isekai trope where someone else was brought from our world into this one and our job is getting her back [heavily implied that we, also, don’t belong in this particular world, of course].

Combat... well. This is actually a pretty legitimate problem- we’ve established that it’s not really a farming game, it’s a Final Fantasy game with farming elements. Okay, so we’re fighting monsters and going home to water the turnips got it. Except... the combat system is... incredibly simple. Press button, hit monster. Press button a whole bunch of times to hit monster until it dies. But without a dash, dodge, or combat roll (there is, technically, a dash if you tap the “run” button but I found that by accident, no tutorial told me that I had a dash) that means that you’re mostly standing there getting wailed on by a monster and trying to out-HP the damned thing while shoving food in your face to keep yourself from dying in the mean time.

Your NPC buddies are often not incredibly helpful- they don’t aggro enemies on their own but that also means that if you aggro an enemy by accident, they’re not helping until after you hit it for the first time. Enemies usually target the player character, so the option of running up to something, hitting it, and retreating so your buddies can absorb the damage while you whittle down their HP is not readily available either. I’ve only died once and it was because I aggro’d a level 9 enemy while I was level 3 (oops) so it’s not unworkable, but it is annoying. The folks on Steam complained about the lack of haptic feedback, meaning that the feel of the hits don’t really feel like you’re hitting anything, and while I do agree that on Switch at least it’s not as good of a feel as other games (AC Valhalla and that bow tho...) it’s also not the worst I’ve experienced either. I will say that it’s much better now that I’m in chapter 3 and have a third party member, rather than just having a singular partner, but still.

Time... so remember the “I think I’m halfway through the first season”? There is no calendar I can find so how long do the seasons last? Well I don’t have any idea but I’m on day 16 so clearly longer than 15 or 7, both of which have been season limits in other farming games I’ve played. I’m assuming either 28 or 30 now but, genuinely, I just don’t know. This is kind of a problem in the first season because without knowing how long the season lasts, I can’t determine if it’s a good idea to grow those crops that are high valued but take 6 days to grow, over crops that are low value but are ready in just 1. Again, this is an important factor in the farming aspect, so while I’m sure I’ll be just fine once I hit summer because I’ll have an idea of what the change of seasons looks like, right now I have absolutely no clue what’s ahead of me. What happens when I run out of time? Are we talking Rune Factory 5 where all crops grow in all seasons but some crops grow extra good in certain seasons? Or is this a Stardew hard limit? What about crops that say they can grow in both spring and summer, will they die or will they continue to grow if I plant them in spring but they’re not done til summer?

A lot of people complained about the clock being way too fast and, maybe it’s just the seasoned farming sim player in me, but I think it’s fine? You don’t have a lot of time to fuck around but I cleared the first dungeon in a single day and that was even with me taking the time to do the time-penalty repairs on shortcuts etc. At first I thought maybe it was a holdover from people who’d played the demo, because apparently there was a day-one patch that lengthened the day timer, but there’s folks with 20 hours on record on Steam saying it’s too fast and I just don’t agree.

Similarly, initially the game starts pestering you to go back home at 6pm, and the first day it forced me to go home and sleep at 9pm, and that was very jarring. I understand that it’s trying to teach players to watch the clock and not get caught out past the day-end timer, but I can see why someone would dislike that. But that was just the first day, and it didn’t force me home after that, and after I cleared chapter 1 it stopped pestering me about sundown at 6. It does still poke you at 9pm and 10pm by chapter 3 but, again, other farming sims do warn you albeit less blatantly as you get close to the day-end timer. It’s also an earlier time- midnight- than a lot of the competition which lets you stay up til 2-4am depending on which one, but I never understood that since I literally come from a farming community and there is absolutely no way someone can continuously go to bed at 2-4am and wake up at the penalty 10am (instead of regular 6am) and feel rested enough to do it again the next day when it comes to farms.

The stamina system also pisses people off which I don’t understand because a lot of them are Stardew players and Stardew has a stamina system. And, again, I’m coming from the oldschool Harvest Moon games where you took a stamina penalty for fucking running in the rain. Long story short, everything except walking and talking costs stamina. You do have a lot, and the game also tells you first thing that you need to eat in the morning so you can recover stamina as you work throughout the day. I eat a single sandwich in the morning and I have yet to have a stamina crisis. I’ve been down to the wire a few times if I was doing a lot of farming, then went into a dungeon and fought a bunch of enemies, then stopped and harvested a bunch of stuff, without eating. But I can do all of those things on one sandwich and still have more than half my stamina by the end of the day. Just make sure you eat.

A big complaint a lot of people had is that the towns and the dungeons feel large but empty, with nothing really to do. I both agree and disagree- again my other farming sim this year was Rune Factory 5 which I would absolutely agree felt large but empty and like nothing I was doing really made a huge difference. Compared to that, this was an improvement, with more stuff to do around the towns and more people to talk to and more variety than three seasons of giving people their favorite gifts and getting the same weirdly aggressive and distrusting dialogue as when I first booted the game. But I do also agree that many of these maps feel very big but with very little to do in them. I find myself wanting to interact with people’s shelfs and wardrobes and assorted pots and pans, even just a little popup saying “[NPC]’s bookshelf, lined with medical texts”, and there’s nothing like that. It’s a little detail but I think it goes a long way to make a world feel lived-in instead of sterile. Animations when interacting with things in the dungeons, rather than a black screen and flavor text, would help as well. And, yes, giving some of these characters some variety- on x day [NPC] will be here between 6am and 10am, on y day [NPC] will be in their bedroom, etc would make me want to really pay attention to the layout of the town and interact with the town more. It doesn’t do any of these things, so it just feels... empty. The NPCs I want to talk to are always standing in a specific spot, unless I’m about to start a quest in which case they’re standing at the <!!!> on the map.

Weirdly there’s no voice acting for cutscenes, but there is voice acting for both just wandering around and also combat. Seems like a strange choice but ok. I’m not someone who needs voice acting in order to enjoy a game, again I am from the era of the Gameboy where we didn’t even have fucking color on our non-backlit screens, but it’s odd to hire voice actors and then not... use them...

And on that note, this is a personal pet peeve, but TEXT DIALOGUE TAKES TOO LONG and there is no way to make it go faster or skip it. So while I’m reflex-mashing “A” to try and hurry this along because the text boxes stick around long after I’m done reading them, invariably I will accidentally select a dialogue option I didn’t want, because there’s also a delay between what’s displayed on the screen during cutscenes vs what the buttons are doing. Probably a minor annoyance for most people but this is a big one for me. If you’re going to make me read a bunch of text I don’t mind, but you have to give me the option to rapidly click through it because I read faster than developers think people read. It’s like they made it so the text boxes stay up for long enough to be subtitles for voice work, and then... decided not to do voice work, and so now we just have text boxes that stay up forever.

Graphics are pretty usually. The first couple days for whatever reason sometimes the textures wouldn’t load and so I just had low res avatars walking around and I was like “whoa this looks like garbage suddenly” and then that? Stopped? So idk what that was about but I’ll bet if people are in chapter 1 or 2 and are saying the graphics are shit, that’s probably happening to them too. It went back to normal but it was very strange and I can more than understand being really put off by that. Do really like the art style, I’ve always liked the art style of the older FF stuff and this feels very similar with a bit of a modern twist. I especially like the way they’ve done the character portraits and I think that’s just my love of linework and pretty shading but who’s to say. I do really like that the choices for protag are so identical- too many games have radically different male vs female models and this model is more or less “has boobs” and “doesn’t have boobs” and that’s it. The outfits are slightly, slightly different as is the hair but it’s mostly boob or boobn’t.

So, yeah. I’d say a 7/10. Certainly some optimization issues. I think either the combat or the farming should be beefier- either give me a Final Fantasy game with actually good combat and some really simplistic farming, or a farming game with actually good mechanics and some really simplistic combat, but don’t give me a combo of both with simplistic combat and farming. Could be a little more fleshed out and it shows that it wasn’t. Dunno if this specific game had crunch but if it did (willing to bet it did, Squeenix is really churning them out this year), that’s probably why the lack of little details and also voice acting. Overall it’s fun, I don’t regret the purchase so that’s the important part, and out of the various new farming sims I’ve played recently this was the most fun. Not interested in the nostalgia-bait of A Wonderful Life (which I logged far too many hours on my gamecube) and RF3′s re-release doesn’t have gay marriage so I’m not into that either. Maybe into Fae Farm next year, it’s apparently really similar to Fantasy Life (another game I logged far too many hours). 

[aizenat]

Kpop fans who obsess over perceived sexualization of minors seem very unfamiliar with idol culture in east Asia in general.

Kpop fans freak out over idols under 18 debuting these days (even though idols debuting at 14-16 was very common in second gen lol) but like Sakura from Le Sserrafim was 13 when she debuted in her first idol group, and spent her early teen years performing for men. More egregiously than in Korea (hard to believe but true) female idols in Japan are specifically marketed to grown men. And idols debut crazy young there. It’s straight pedophilic.

I remember back in the late 2000s when I was heavy into Japanese music, finding a cute song with a goofy dance and one of the girls looking super young and being curious about her. Surely it was just those Asian genes tricking me, right? Nope; the two girls were part of a huge mainstream Japanese idol group and with a graduation system (the two were a subunit to help promote an anime lol), and when I looked up the one in particular who I thought looked super young, she was! She was 12 at the filming of the mv, and debuted when she was 11! Needless to say I was horrified and disgusted.

And I’ll never forget the last time I was at a con (it’s been over a decade so chill lol) and Berryz Koubo was going to perform. At one point me and my friends were walking from a hotel to the convention center, and there was a huge lawn where people would chill and take pictures and stuff. And there were like a shitload of Asian men in plains clothes that caught my attention because why were so many people not dressed up in some regard just hanging around? It was a couple of hours before the concert (I didn’t care because we had plans for hentai viewings during the time; hentai is stupid and there’s nothing more fun than watching it with a room with strangers cracking jokes the entire time lol), and I started to think maybe it was a coincidence until I heard two talking to each other in Japanese. It made me look at the men harder and realize they were wearing tshirts and had signs and hats and other paraphernalia with smiling young girls on them. I kinda forgot about the concert and realized after we passed them that they were here to watch the concert. And that all of them had been speaking Japanese to each other as they showed off their signs and stuff. And then I realized that these were likely super fans who literally flew from Japan to America to come to an anime convention just so they could see these girls.

And let me just say that every single one of those men looked very obviously like adults.

Idol culture as a whole is pedophilic. Like I’m not saying don’t get mad, but it irks me because I wish someone had that same energy for the children debuting before they’re even teenagers in Japan. And it’s also annoying when kpop isn’t even as bad as it was in the past. Second gen idols had that appeal to a degree too, but it’s so much better now and some of yall have no clue how. There was a point where I heard idiots complaining about modern girl groups all being “girl crush” (still trying to figure out whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean) but like that concept has a more universal appeal. I realized during one of my tirades about how trash kpop is now to a friend that I don’t hear girls say Oppa anymore in songs. Back during second gen, it was common. Mind you, I don’t listen to this current generation debuting (I decided after Le Serraffim’s messy debut that I wasn’t going to follow any new group anymore lol; time to admit I’m way too old for this shit) so maybe they are and I’m not hearing it. But in the groups I listen to who are still making music, there are no Oppas anymore.

And I’m not complaining but pointing out how the focus and marketing of these girls have changed. Being cutesy so guys want to date/bang them isn’t the main selling point anymore. With the success of groups like Black Pink and even New Jeans (still don’t like them lol), girl groups that girls like are far more successful and profitable than groups for perverted men to lust after. There’s real progress being made!

I just looked up the most popular idol groups in Japan right now and a lot of the current members in one group who supposedly were around when the current generation (fucking hate graduation systems in these groups lol) debuted are in their early twenties. There are a few about 25ish, but the majority are currently 20-22. And if they debuted about 6 years ago, well, do the math. Minor central.

I wish these criticisms of debuting minors and minors in idol groups reached Japan. Because boy do they need it.

[dragonsarecool]

Whumptober Day 4 - Hidden Injury

Four: Hidden Injury

A/N: Set a few weeks after 'Explorers on the Moon'

"Are you sure you're not coming, Captain?" Tintin finished tying his shoelaces, gazing up at his friend. "It really is a great market! Some of the stall food is to die for-"

"No thank you! I've had enough of traipsing around for a while," Haddock flipped over the page in his newspaper, his gaze firmly focused on the words in front of him.

Tintin let out an exasperated sigh. "Captain, it's been four weeks since we came back from the moon. You can't stay at Marlinspike forever-"

"Are you sure about that?! I think going to the moon made me realise why I hate travelling - because we somehow almost always get killed! So, no thank you, lad!" The Captain ruffled his newspaper for emphasis. "I'm going to stay on my couch and enjoy my country air."

"There is air at the market as well, Captain, and plenty of it," Tintin smirked. "But if you're sure-"

"Believe me, Tintin, I am sure! I am not budging from this seat! And nothing is going to make me change my mind!"

Throwing his hands up in mock surrender, Tintin nodded and opened the front door. "Just make sure to look after Snowy while I'm gone, okay?"

"Of course, Tintin!" Haddock lowered his newspaper to look at the young man. "But why isn't he going with you?"

"As I told you yesterday, Captain," Tintin buttoned up the front of his coat, "it's a pet-free market. Besides, I think he's rather comfortable where he is, wouldn't you agree?"

The Captain scowled as he looked below his newspaper. Snowy had taken up residence on his lap almost as soon as he'd sat down for his morning coffee, and was now currently engaged in licking his tail clean. "Er…yes, well, t-that's another reason I'm not going-"

"Goodbye, Captain! I'll be back for dinner!" Tintin pulled the front door closed, his laughter muffled through the glass.

Haddock shook his head fondly as he gave Snowy a brief scratch behind the ears. "I'd rather you were a cat, but at least you're clean."

Leaning back into the couch, the Captain resumed his examination of the newspaper, enjoying the faint sounds of morning birdsong. Why Tintin had decided to make a trip to Brussels this early in the morning for a market, of all things, was beyond him. Regardless, he was glad the younger man still maintained a thirst for travelling, even if was only a local day trip.

Haddock glanced over at the clock. It was just after eight AM, and the sunlight streaming through the front windows was already quite bright. He lowered his gaze to Snowy, who had progressed to licking his unmentionables, and Haddock instantly regretted looking. "You, my friend, have nine hours to get off my lap and do yer business elsewhere."

Snowy grunted in reply, and continued his morning hygiene.

*******

Luckily, for Haddock's sanity, Snowy had indeed removed himself from his lap. Granted, he would've let the faithful dog stay longer if were not for the protests of his bladder.

And besides, he needed that lunchtime whiskey.

While the Captain was aware that Tintin did occasionally get distracted while he was out, he'd come to admire the young man's sense of punctuality. On the other hand, however, the lad also had an unfortunate habit of being kidnapped while running his daily errands. The last time it had happened, Tintin hadn't returned until well after midnight, and had in fact fainted outside the front door.

So when the clock struck nine that evening and there had been no phone calls from Tintin, the gnawing pit of worry in his stomach continued to fester. Haddock perched himself in the front living room, sipping a bottle of whiskey in the hopes it would calm his nerves. Snowy had seemed to sense his distress, for the pup had taken up residence on a cushion next to Haddock.

Despite being incredibly worried, the dull patter of the rain on the windowpanes was enough to send Haddock into a light doze. Snowy, however, remained vigilantly fixated on the front door, his tail wagging with impatience.

The clock ticked over to ten thirty, the faint chime ringing through the empty hall.

As if on cue, the front door squeaked as it slowly opened, causing Snowy to let out a bark as he jumped off the couch and ran to greet his master.

Haddock shot up, pretending as if he'd never fallen asleep. "Blistering barnacles, Tintin, you know how to give an old man a fright!"

But when he finished rubbing his eyes and saw the state of the young man who collapsed through the doorway, his mouth quickly fell open. Haddock threw himself off the couch and sprinted to his friend, his concern mounting every second.

Snowy was barking furiously at a semi-conscious Tintin, who was struggling to lift his head off the ground. The young man was absolutely drenched, his thick brown coat having turned several shades darker as it was plastered to his skin. A giant bruise was forming on his left cheek, and Haddock noticed he was sporting an impressive, albeit very swollen black eye. His upper lip seemed to be split, a trail of blood creeping down his mouth and onto his sweater.

What worried the Captain the most, however, was the suspicious stain on Tintin's sweater that he was wrapping his arms around.

It took Haddock a few attempts to force his mouth to work. "Tintin! Blistering barnacles, what the hell happened?!"

"…Captain, I-" Tintin grimaced. "…I'm s-sorry I'm late…"

If Tintin hadn't looked like a walking corpse, Haddock thought he would've laughed. He grabbed the young man by the shoulders and held him upright, quickly realising that despite the multiple layers of clothing, Tintin was shivering. "Thundering typhoons, lad, I couldn't care what time you walk through the door! But what on Earth happened?!"

"…I-It's nothing, Captain…" Tintin gasped, seemingly unable to focus.. "…J-Just a disagreement, o-only a couple of punches—"

"A disagreement?! Lad, you look as though you got thrown off a roof!" Haddock placed his palm against Tintin's forehead, biting his lip in worry. "And yer developin' a fever already! Lad, you were only gone for a few hours!"

The fact that Tintin didn't laugh was immediately a cause for concern. The reporter weakly went to wipe his mouth on his sleeve, only for his arm to fall limply at his side.

Haddock watched in horror as Tintin's eyes rolled backwards, his battered body falling through Haddock's arms onto the carpet.

"NESTOR!" The Captain bellowed, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead. "Nestor, call a doctor!"

The faithful butler came flying down the grand staircase, still carrying his feather duster from the evening chores. His eyes widened at the sight of a bloodied and beaten Tintin lying in his master's arms, and instantly sprinted towards the nearest telephone.

Haddock wrapped one of Tintin's arms around his shoulders, ignoring the searing pain that appeared in his spine as he tried to hoist the young man off the ground. Snowy continued to bark at his master's feet, which made navigating the unconscious man to the couch without stepping on the loyal animal a challenge.

The Captain groaned as he lowered Tintin onto the couch, placing a pillow behind his head. In the light of the living room he could better see the young man's injuries, and his stomach churned as he realised there was much more blood on Tintin's face than he first realised. He felt along the side of the younger man's neck, wincing at the lump his fingers danced across. Don't tell me he's going to have another concussion…

Tintin suddenly stirred, a small groan escaping his lips. He began to squirm on the couch until Haddock gently pinned his arms down, shushing him. "You're alright, lad, you're at Marlinspike."

"…Cap..tain?" Tintin's voice was small, and it made the Captain remember how young the lad actually was. "…Hurts…"

"I know, lad, it looks sore. But Nestor's just called a doctor, so you're going to be alright," Haddock kept his voice calm as he grasped Tintin's hand tightly. His eyes were once again drawn to a suspicious patch on Tintin's sweater, which seemed to be growing at an alarming rate. "Tintin, lad, you need to let me take a look at this-"

"No…hurts!…" Tintin croaked as a fresh wave of pain wracked his body. He weakly went to cross his arms across his stomach, only to let out a strangled cry as he passed out again.

Sighing deeply, the Captain gingerly raised the younger man's sweater. He nearly retched at the sight of Tintin's flesh, which was decorated with various shades of blue and brown bruising; Haddock had seen enough injuries in his time to know Tintin almost certainly had internal bleeding. A deep gash ran from the base of the young man's sternum to his navel, exposing the layers of skin that Haddock couldn't pronounce.

"Oh, lad…" Haddock muttered. He sprung up and dashed to the kitchen, snatching the first clean tea towel he could find. Tintin stirred as he pressed forcefully to slow the bleeding, weakly pulling himself away from Haddock.

"Shush, lad," Haddock felt sick as he heard the tea towel squeak as it absorbed the young man's blood. "It'll be alright, Tintin, we've just got to keep on top of this, ay?"

As a mercy to both of them, Tintin passed out for the third and seemingly final time, his shivering body growing still. Haddock had sat there with his finger firmly pressed against Tintin's neck until the doctor charged through the front door, desperately willing the boy's weak pulse to keep going. Come on, lad, don't you die on my couch…

****

"…Captain?"

Haddock startled awake, dropping the magazine he'd stolen from the hospital waiting room. He blinked furiously, his vision clearing to reveal a groggy, bloodied but alive Tintin in the bed in front of him. Bags of fluid and antibiotics hung above his bed, connecting to an intravenous port in his hand. A thick bandage was wrapped around the young man's head, and Haddock was pleased to see that the swelling in Tintin's left eye had gone down significantly. "Oh, lad…God be praised…"

"Captain?" Tintin's voice was hoarse. "What…happened?"

"You don't remember?" Haddock sighed. He'd forgotten the doctors had said Tintin did indeed have yet another concussion. It's a wonder this boy doesn't have brain damage. "Not surprising, lad, given what you've been through. Let me put it this way: next time you come home after bein' beaten half to death, lad, make sure you give me a list of yer injuries before we go to the hospital, alright?"

Despite the pain it caused him, Tintin let out a soft chuckle. "I'll do my best, Captain."

"And for God's sake, stop coming home with gashes spurtin' everywhere! Nestor spent ages cleaning the front doorstep!"

Haddock had intended it to be humorous, but was disturbed to find a dark expression settling on Tintin's face. "…You alright, lad?"

"The knife," Tintin spoke quietly, his hands resting to his stomach "…I remember the knife. He-"

"You're lucky he didn't do more damage to you, lad," Haddock interrupted. "You're also damn lucky I noticed it bleedin' through your clothes! The doctors said they had to do lots of internal-"

"He was aiming for my heart," Tintin whispered. He took in a shaky breath and stared at the ceiling. "…H-He was aiming for my heart, Captain…H-he didn't have very good aim…"

Tintin trailed off and the two men fell into silence, each unsure how to respond to the other.

They knew this wouldn't be the last time this happened, but for the moment, they were glad it hadn't ended differently.

[king-bee-sting]

Hello fellow arven stan/simp, I have a question if you don’t mind. Does he have trauma or just mom/dad issues or both? Because the way the game goes over it makes it seem like yes it was a bad event, but he was able to grow as a person and find himself through it, along with making new friends, and from what !!VERY LITTLE!! I know about trauma (as someone whose experienced it) I think it’s an event or a response to an event that changes how you respond to other stuff/how you act, and I don’t think that happens with him. I could very well be wrong though! And I don’t want to come across as trying to invalidate trauma, or say characters can’t have trauma, I’m just genuinely curious/unsure and also really really want him to be okay. My apologies if this was long or weird or both! Have a great day/night!!

OH MY GOSH OKAY

So

Spoilers ahead, obviously, we're deep diving into an Arven character inspection

I definitely feel that Arven absolutely does have s0me trauma

However because Pokemon is considered and marketed as a children's game, it's glossed over and not all that obvious/explained, since even in these times talk of trauma is often taboo, especially in children's games

But for the older audiences who knows more about cause and effect, and mental health, it's easier to spot and think about

Arven absolutely has trauma, how could he not? He has what could possibly be abandonment issues and trauma from what's essentially neglect. It was said that his parent was more often than not unavailable emotionally and physically due to being very engrossed in their research, leaving Arven to basically grow up on his own, teaching himself how to cook and take care of Maschiff/Mabostiff. This is very possibly why Arven is very closed off in the beginning; he was never given a proper example of how to socialize and accept attention. And because of his parents lack of attention this could have caused him to have some resentment for others, especially those who do have active parents.

I wasn't necessarily neglected as a child but I was very lonely and didn't receive as much attention as my brother and sister did, and growing up I was very much jealous of those who had very attentive parents, so that's why I think Arven may think this way as well

And then moving into his relationship with Mabostiff, he's certainly got some trauma involving him. It was said that Mabostiff had gotten seriously injured in Area Zero, that's why Arven went on the quest for the Herba Mystica. Arven is canonically young, a teenager, so he must've been even younger when Mabostiff got injured. His best and only friend had gotten critically injured and crippled, there's no way that did not scar Arven.

There's certainly going to be unresolved trauma with Arven and his parent, after all he had been neglected and when he thought he was going to finally give them a piece of his mind, he finds out that they had actually died and the current professor is nothing more than an AI. One who tells him his parent did certainly love him and would be very proud of who he's grown into. One who look and sounds just like his and gone into Paradise Protection Protocol. Even if it's a children's game, it's obvious that the PPP was made to eliminate any threat to the research. And I don't think I have to explain what eliminate means in this situation.

But a thing that I find super interesting is that in SV, Arven does indeed work through it and finds support and stability through the friends he's made. Even going through the effort to forgive and rebuild a more positive relationship with Koraidon/Miraidon as the titan storyline progresses. And after the main storyline, Arven goes on a personal quest to learn more about himself and where he came from, even wanting to learn more about his mom/dad.

To put it simply; yes, Arven has both trauma and mommy/daddy issues. He certainly will of course have issues dealing with it in the future, trauma like that isn't a one-and-done issue, but he's handling it amazingly well and of course he has you there to help support him through it :)