#because of course he is. he's deeply scared. just also deeply depressed.

[mymp3]

Aigis and Minato are like escalators.

A non-human becoming a person, a person becoming something all but. One's starting their journey at the bottom, and the other at the top. At the end of everything, Aigis is on ground level, with SEES as her newfound friends in the same boat, with the same mindset. Minato meanwhile, starts at the bottom, with everyone, all of the people, and slowly leaves until nobody can reach him anymore.

Their journey's intersect but they're not headed to the same place.

They briefly touched, but in the end, they were just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

[hballegro]

i have more conspiracies about MASH that may or may not be true, but ive decided they are. they also just might have been explained, but im dumb, and cant remember. heres your sequel.

in 7x3 where hawkeye tackles bj, bj goes "AAH!' and hawkeye says 'WRONG! THAT STARTS WITH AN H!'. this is because mike farrell's line was 'hey!' but due to the force and drama of the scene, just Yelped instead.

All the dogs that turned up that never appeared again [like the one bj and hawk "ate" when they were trying to scare a visitor, dogs seen in 1 shot, etc] were just dogs that the production crew/cast owned and wanted to bring to work/volunteered their animal for acting duty

in the handful if scenes where hawkeye is actually knitting [and not using the red yarn, for the reason given in the previous edition], hes making a blankie for erin. [co-credit my sibling]

klinger got his ears pierced during the course of the show, starting with clearly just clip-ons and then later declares he doesnt want his ears to close up. some say continuity error, I say commitment (and also it would probably be easier to find real earrings instead of clip-ons)

in s7e2 Peace on Us, no one told bill christopher to tie that red streamer around his neck, he just thought it would be silly

in s7e2 Peace on Us, again, no one told alan alda to drive the jeep back to camp with his leg up like that. he just knows the character well enough to make that call. which he's correct about

the scar on hawkeye's lip was caused by a fishhook in his youth. got called Troutboy a long time afterward because of it.

bj is a vaseline girlie and takes good care of his hair as well.

hawkeye sniffs food because, having grown up partly during the depression, eating spoiled food was a real risk, so giving it a good ol' sniff-test was a given

fr mulcahy cares deeply about his appearance and engages in more grooming activities than any other guy in camp [the shower cap, always looking perfect, owning gardening gloves, manicured hands and feet, etc]. he even irons his stole on a bi-weekly basis and launders his clerical collars

hawkeye's issues with people leaving and not saying goodbye began with his mother after she passed, since his father didnt want him to worry

on nights where charles goes to bed after the other two, he will occasionally clean up a little bit. this contributes to why he's so pissed in 'Pressure Points'- he's been doing his own cleaning and some of theirs without them noticing or caring.

once again these are all just things that came to mind while watching, i didnt think too hard on them. the only one 'researched' on was the food sniffing, solely because i needed to do Year Math lol

[hyperblue]

Everyday I scroll through your blog just to remember what happiness is.

Also, I did have an actual question or request(?) I suppose, I want, NEED more details about your specific AU with Wendy and Jackie, what fo they enjoy? How often do they fight with their fathers? What do they grow up to be??? You've said before that Jack is scared of his powers, so does this result in him going out and having a 'normal' life? How would that affect his relationships with his family?

Of course you don't have to answer but I am very curious!

hello there!! I'm so glad to hear that you're enjoying my blog, thank you for your kind words 💙

and yes i will gladly answer your questions! this will probably get a bit long, i hope that's okay with you

au's mainly focused on twins when they are around 17-18 (kind of symbolic to tim's age when he cloned them because I'm prosy like that)

one of the main reasons why I've decided to go for twins in this au (aside from being indecisive about whether it should be a boy or a girl) is because it gives me a chance to demonstrate how two people can have same upbringing/surrounding and be influenced by the very same group of people AND still form entirely different perspectives and opinions on certain things. i'm going to use both kids' relationships with kon as one of the clearest examples:

wendy appreciates kon dearly, she thinks very high of him and constantly seeks for his company and attention. on the other hand, as she gets older, it becomes really awkward for her to be around him because she's old enough now to actually understand and pear wiggle the whole "my dad cloned me out of this dead dude's dna without his consent" thing in her head, until she has to stop for a moment and go: "wow. that was So Not Okay of my dad." on top of that she's facing a major identity crisis because you know, teens, and starts to question her own existence and even tim's love for her, because she can't be sure now if he actually loves her or if she's just a good enough replacement of what her dad could have loved, but never got an actual chance. which eventually leads to her bottling up lots of anger towards tim, because obviously it's his fault that she can't look kon in the eyes anymore, and none of this would've happened if he just had his shit together and didn't try to clone kon all those years ago (and she's not even entirely wrong)

what she CAN'T fathom just yet is the fact that she loves kon so much partly because she got to see him through tim's eyes; part of her affection for kon is deeply rooted in a way tim spoke about him when she was a kid, always loving, always in awe — essentially, tim was the first person who taught wendy the concept and the feeling of love. and even her awkwardness and guilt that she's experiencing around kon are inherited from tim; she's just mirroring her dad's own feelings about himself without even realizing it

jackie, on the other hand... it would be easy to say that he's just not as close with kon as his sister, but when you start to look at the reasons, well, it gets a little bit messy. you see, jackie was always a "daddy's boy"; he and tim were inseparable when jackie was a kid, they still are, actually, it's just that tim only now starts to realize negative side effects of their closeness but that's for another post. not only that, he's also much more... observant than wendy in a lot of ways, so while wendy was soaking in tim's affection for kon as a sponge to eventually make it her own, jackie couldn't help but notice how hard it was for his dad to have kon in his life only as a co-parent and nothing more (they've bended their friendship as years went by, but it was never easy for both of them); not to mention that tim, to this day, experiences a very severe depressive episodes, to the point of not being able to get out of bed — jackie was very affected by it too growing up. so to him, as of now, it doesn't make sense for kon to stick around and be his usual "weekend dad" if he's not willing to stay forever, and he's kind of resentful towards kon, because he always felt sorry for tim in this situation. not that he doesn't understand why exactly it's the way that it is, it's just that his philosophy on that matter is: if you can't stay forever, do not bother visiting us at all, and stop giving dad any hope for more. jackie's anxiety regarding his kryptonian powers also does not help at all, more on that later

(got carried away with this, sorry, i just had to take this opportunity to explain why there are twins in my timkon clone baby au)

so about the kids, wendy is a rebellious soul and free spirit, and her interests really show that about her — she's been horse riding since she was five, tim was a bit hesitant about it at first, but with damian's help they managed to convince him that everything is going to be okay; damian has also bought wendy her own horse, the one she's connected with in her equestrian club (damian is her favorite uncle ever since; she did not let him call her horse a "Bathourse", tho). aside from that she plays guitar just a little, tim's also tried to teach her piano but ended up failing miserably; he also wasn't able to pass on to her his music taste, wendy is almost strictly a pop girl. she's not really good at photography from professional point of view, but she almost always has her little digital camera with her to take snapshots of memories

(she's also really into true crime videos/podcasts, it's one of the activities that she likes to share with her dad; most times after a fight with tim, if she wants to make up or apologize, she just sneaks into his office and starts playing random true crime youtube video at full volume)

jackie doesn't really have a "main" interest or hobby, even though he's passionate about a lot of things, some of them include: art (because damian), sports (although he's not playing himself), cars (because tim), photography (once again, tim), also I'm pretty sure he's good at math — a little bit of this, a little bit of that, as he himself would say. it could create a major problem for him to choose between college programs if he hadn't already decided that he is going to inherit drake industries, so business it is. tim actually had a whole conversation with him, like, "are you SURE that's what you want," resulting in jackie just. shrugging his shoulders, because it's just about as good as any other choice; not that he has some big, special dream anyway. also i think that he probably skipped a class (wendy did not; she's not too excited about going to college)

speaking about jackie being scared of his powers, it's most likely the result of an accident/series of accidents from his childhood when he unwillingly hurt tim or demolished something during tantrums (he used to throw them a lot when he was younger); kon has offered his help at figuring out how to control it, of course, but if for wendy it was existing and she wanted to get even stronger and make more progress, for jackie it was always about keeping it at bay so to not hurt anyone else. he never really wanted to become a vigilante either, which is good enough for tim because he's worried enough about wendy rushing to the field; he's as close at being a civilian as you can possibly get while growing up with bats and having a kryptonian dad. mostly it's a relief for his family ("at least one of us is going to graduate college"), although wendy can't stop bugging him about joining in and being the coolest vigilante twins gotham has ever seen. it's a bit isolating for him, sure, considering that everyone in his family is a superhero of some sort, but with tim mostly being a stay at home dad and only managing comms every once in a while it turned out better than it could

it DID get long, and i start to lose the train of thoughts; nevertheless, i hope you'll enjoy this answer 💙 feel free to ask more about them, I'm always up to chatting about my babies

[batmanfruitloops]

Onto Jonathan Crane, the ever terrifying and sleepless Scarecrow.

Jonathan was born to Gerald and Karen Crane, although never knew his mother as she died in child birth. His father was a country man and a biology teacher, and he did his best to show Jo (Jonathan's nickname for the sake of convenience) all the love he could as well as inform him about nature and animals. At 4 years old, however, his father asked his mother in-law, Marion Keeny, to watch Jo while he looked for a better job in Gotham City. Despite holding great resentment towards Gerald for "taking her daughter away," she agrees to look after Jo. Gerald is killed due to gang crossfire and Jo is then fully in his grandmother's custody.

While in Marion's care, it was quite clear that Jo was unwanted. Being a highly religious woman, she hated the fact that Gerald and her daughter Karen had eloped, unable to believe that she herself had driven her daughter away by being controlling and lauding holiness above all else. To make matters worse, she also blamed Karen's death on Jo, believing his existence to be demonic in nature. Marion had workers on her farm, but when Jo was home, he'd be the only one getting chores done. Being tired or hungry was no excuse not to get work done, nor could he slack on religious study or his school work. Any little thing that made her angry would lead to a beating; either by her own hands or to crows pecking at him on their property or while locked in an abandoned church. Due to this, Jo developed depression from a young age and had confided in his grandmother once, only to be told that it wasn't real and that such a notion would upset God. It's also during this time that Jo hurt contemplating hurting himself, but avoided doing so only because he feared what his grandmother would do if she found out.

The only good thing that came from living with his grandmother was the animals, especially an Irish Draught Mare named Ashpuddle. She was his source of comfort with which he could tell anything and pet and hold her as needed. He rode her around the property to do chores and sometimes to get away to a small creek in a far corner of the property.

Jo's school life wasn't much better. He was bullied for his appearance being similar to that of Ichabod Crane. Too lanky, too tall, peircing silvery blue eyes, a smile that made you shiver, and a soft yet deep (how deep still depended on his current age), raspy voice that made anything he said seem ominous. They were overreacting, of course, but it cut deeply, nonetheless. How could Jo believe anything else when that's all he heard? The crows that his grandmother had sent after him also had a habit of following him if they knew where he was, and that only added to people's fear, as well as Jo's own. He was physically bullied as well as verbally. Mainly by Bo, his girlfriend Sherry, and all of his other friends. Jo got used to slinking through crowds and booking it out of school to get home. If Bo caught up, Jo would be beaten and harassed. This running also lent to Jo's innate skill of being super flexible and being able to move in ways that others couldn't, such as jumping over a fence, or climbing up alleyways to spots that Bo couldn't feasibly follow.

Despite his reputation, Bo's girlfriend Sherry had developed a crush on him. In their sophomore year, she confessed to Jo alone, and he had politely declined, although he wasn't against just being friends. Sherry became full of rage because of this, and convinced Jo to meet her alone once again to spend some quality time together. Unbeknownst to Jo, Bo was hiding in said room, dressed as The Headless Horseman and ready to strike. Jo was confused by the dark room but decided to trust Sherry. She was the first person to agree to being his friend, after all. Suddenly, Bo popped up and yelled, scaring Jo terribly and he left more hurt and angry than he had in a long time. He was going to get them back, and they were the ones who'd never be able to forget being terrified.

It was the night of the Halloween dance, and Jo had dressed up as a Scarecrow, mounting Ashpuddle and waiting in the trees near the road. When he saw Bo's car approaching, Ashpuddle dashed out, and he pointed a water pistol at them. Horrified, Bo swerved, and Jo laughed as he saw them steer into the woods, unaware that he caused them to crash and be injured for life. Unlike most versions, Sherry doesn't die but is still terribly injured, and Bo is paralyzing from the waist down. Jo goes home satisfied with himself, and is even more delighted when Bo and Sherry are not at school for the next couple of days. However when he learns that the reason Bo and Sherry aren't at school is because they're in the hospital, he freaks out. He had only meant to scare them. He had no intention of either getting hurt, let alone for life. It makes him feel like he's just as much the monster as his grandmother says he is.

Not soon after this event, Jo comes home from school to find that Ashpuddle and all the animals are gone. He confronts his grandmother about this and she admits to having sold them all. She needed the money, and they weren't worth keeping around anymore anyway. This breaks Jo's heart, and any support he got from Ashpuddle is gone. Because of this, it isn't long before Jo is fed up with his grandmother more than usual. He's being too slow to make dinner and she's about to hit him. Too scared and just wanting it to be over, Jo stabs her with the knife he was holding, continuing to stab her until she stops moving. When Jo comes to and realizes what he's done, he shuts down. He still calls the police on himself, but he doesn't have the energy left to fight. He just sits there and lets them take him away when they arrive.

Since Jo was only 16 at the time of the murder, he's placed in Gotham's foster system. They weren't very good, much like most of Gotham's medical and care institutions. Jo refused to be adopted and so they didn't make him, although they were certainly begrudging about caring for him and providing him the schoolwork he would have done, had he still been attending the one from before. It is also during this time that Jo hurts himself for the first time, getting ahold of a razor and cutting up his arms. The staff finds out and is annoyed instead of sympathetic, grabbing Jo by the injured part of his arms and making him do whatever task he was supposed to, not caring if the cuts started bleeding, if not for getting blood on themselves. Jo never developed a connection with anyone there and only solidified his distrust of others and gave him time to be curious about fear and how it affects people.

After making it through the foster system, Jo makes his own way through odd jobs to make as much money for college as possible. It's basically all he did before attending, spending little time on himself or any of his hobbies, really. Even in college, Jo continued to work hard with his head down, trying to avoid as much attention as possible. He was even able to land a job as a psychiatrist freshly graduated because of just how capable and intelligent he was. Occasionally drawing, raising crows, and working is what he does until he's 30 years old currently.

He even used the curiosity he expressed in understanding fear to fuel his want to create his iconic fear toxin, although that wasn't it original use. Jo had hoped that trials and clinical research could result in helping with anxiety related concerns, but was turned down based on his appearance and the idea seeming "scary." This worsens Jo's depression, and he contemplates ending his life. It's while staring at the noose he prepared that he changes his mind. If he's going to go down, it's not going to be without a fight. Thus he becomes Scarecrow and tests his fear toxin however and on whoever he pleases.

[thetarttfuldickhead]

As much as I love Roy telling Jamie he’s proud of him (and then maybe not punching him in the face aftewards, idk, could be a thing) I’ve also grown partial to the idea of Jamie telling Roy that he’s proud of him, ‘cause well, Roy needs a bit of that too, I think.

I haven’t got the details figured, but maybe something vaguely along the lines of the ending to the “My Fallen Idol” episode of Scrubs, where Dr. Cox (having failed to save several of his patients) is depressed, drunk and not talking while unshaven and wrapped in a blanket on his couch. JD shows up, gives him a quiet but heartfelt peptalk and tells him he’s proud of him, because even after so long as a doctor Dr. Cox still cares enough to take it that hard when things go wrong.

So say Roy fucks something up. It’s not necessarily his fault; he does his best given the circumstances or acts unwittingly, but it goes tits up and he ends up making a mess of things. Not a “people died” mess, but still really quite bad. (I honestly don’t know what this could be. Maybe something slightly careless he says blowing up in the media and somehow really fucking over a young footballer? Maybe something else entirely. That’s not the important part.)

And this is Roy, who cares so very deeply but is so very unkind to himself, and the guilt and fucking shame of having fucked someone (especially a young someone!) over like that, particularly when he’s already struggling with the feeling that he can’t change for the better, that he’ll always be the same fucking idiot I’ve always been? Yeah, I don’t think he’d deal very well. He also, and obviously, wouldn’t want to talk about it.

And depending on how much hurt (and comfort) you want from this, you could either simply have Roy pull a Roy and retreat to an ice bath, and Jamie letting himself in like Ted once did, and giving a little (slightly clumsy but very earnest) speech about how fucking proud he is of Roy, and Roy has no fucking idea how to handle all the emotions that inspire, but, yeah. It helps.

Or you can drag it out a bit and have Roy stubbornly insisting he is fine and hiding behind his usually gruff exterior, only he’s not doing fine and eventually he shows up at training still drunk from trying to drown his self-loathing in way too much whisky, and Rebecca takes him home and tries to talk to him, and when that doesn’t work she calls Keeley, and Keeley’s a comfort, she always is, but this time it’s not enough (or just too early). Jamie shows up after training, bringing dinner, and he sits down next to Roy and, again, brings out the speech. It doesn’t magically make everything right, because how could it, but it’s enough to start from. Enough to give Roy the courage to begin anew.

Or if you really want to dial that angst right up, we can have Jamie – like JD in the Scrubs episode – put off visiting, making comments about how it was fucking unprofessional showing up to Nelson Road like that, Roy would have had their heads if they’d tried pulling anything like it, so why should the gaffer get special consideration? Beard and Rebecca and Nate and Isaac and his sister and Keeley all take turns sitting with Roy while he quietly stews in despair on his couch, but Jamie is inconspicuously absent.

Until he isn’t, because of course he relents in the end, and he shows up to tell Roy that yeah, he made it out like he was angry with Roy for showing up drunk, but really he was freaked out because Roy’s always been so fucking strong and Jamie’s always counted on and leaned on that strenght, back when he was a kid and they didn’t know each other and back when they were teammates and fighting all the time and most of all since Roy became his coach and his best friend. Like, Jamie knows Roy isn’t perfect – like, really man, you are not– but Roy’s strenght has been a constant and a comfort in Jamie’s life and having to face that fact Roy isn’t some sort of superhero… that scared him, yeah. But that’s Jamie’s problem, not Roy’s, and so he’s here to tell Roy how fucking proud he is of him, for how much he fucking cares and how hard he works at being there for all of them, even though he thinks he’s no good at it. But you are, yeah? Fucking good at it. But that’s not the really important bit, anyway. The important bit is that you’ve always kept trying, even when that meant doing stuff you fucking hated or were scary or hard. ‘Cause it isn’t easy for you, this shit, but you keep at it anyway, because you care, and that’s… Dead proud of you for that, Roy. Really am.  

[hollywoodxwhore]

Ours | Chapter Twelve

Colson x Presley (Original Female Character)

Synopsis: Presley and Colson fell in love accidentally, but they were meant to be. Now that all the obstacles have been removed, they're moving in together in LA. Now, they have all the time in the world for Colson to teach Presley all of the things he knows. This fic is the sequel to Mine, which can be found in my masterlist!

Warnings/Content: ANGST (it's going to get worse after this chapter so please check content warnings), swearing, depression, col over reacting, col & presley arguing, mentions of domestic abuse, MF being a dumb asshole

Colson

I’ve been walking around like a zombie for the past three weeks.

I feel terrible about it. I should be celebrating our album, celebrating the fact that I’m married, celebrating my birthday that passed by weeks ago, but I can’t. April turned into May and as the weather warms and the days get longer, I just can’t pull myself out of this hole. 

I barely talk to anyone, even Presley. She’s understanding and kind and patient but I know how much it hurts her. We fall asleep together most nights but we haven’t had sex since before Megan’s post came out. I miss her, of course I do. 

I find her in the kitchen, finishing up dinner, and before she notices me, I take a second to watch her. She looks like she’s lost some weight from her already thin frame. Her hair is in a messy claw clip and she wears sweats and a giant t-shirt. Come to think of it, she’s been acting depressed, too. Probably because her husband has turned into a depressed lump whom half the world hates. Maybe half the world is dramatic, but it feels like it.

I haven’t been on social media and I’ve only been replying to those closest to me. Even then, my replies are few and far between. I can only imagine what’s being said about me. My lawyer told me Megan was forced to delete her post, but it’s not like it matters. Everyone already saw it. Everyone already drew their own conclusions. 

As Presley turns around to place our bowls on the island, she spots me. She straightens up a little and her face, a mask of misery and exhaustion, transforms into a weak smile. She’s trying so hard for me but I can tell she’s also feeling broken. I imagine I’d feel the same way if she was going through something painful. I sigh and walk over to her. She turns to look up at me and I slide my arms around her waist, pulling her in.

“Col,” she murmurs, nuzzling her face against my neck. I say nothing. I stand there and hold my wife, trying my best to draw strength from her. But nothing is better and everything is fucked up and I’m so scared. I just need Presley. I need to be close to her, to forget the rest of the world. 

I bend to scoop her up and her legs go easily around my waist. I settle her on the island and press my forehead to hers, my hands sliding over her thighs. “Pres,” I say roughly. Her hand delicately rests on my cheek. “I’m sorry I haven’t been myself.”

“Colson,” Presley tries, shaking her head, but I continue.

“It’s not fair for me to shut you out. I just don’t have anything productive to say,” I mutter.

“Talking about your feelings isn’t unproductive, Col,” Presley gently points out. “I just want you to tell me what you’re feeling. What you’re thinking.”

“I’m…I’m fucking scared,” I say haltingly, like the words don’t want to come out. “I don’t know what this is going to mean for my career. It could kill me, Pres.”

Presley chews her lip. “Quite honestly, there are a ton of abusive men in Hollywood and they’re pretty much all forgiven.”

My brow furrows. “But I’m not an abuser,” I say tightly.

“No, Col, I know that,” Presley says, shaking her head. “I didn’t mean–”

I push away from her, shaking my head. “Don’t even compare me to those assholes,” I say, anger and fear rising in my chest. 

Presley’s eyes widen as she hops down from the counter. “Colson, I’m not–”

“You fucking believe her, don’t you?” I scoff, frowning deeply at my wife. 

“Colson, you’re–”

“Nah, that’s fucking cute, Presley,” I say shortly, tearing a hand through my hair. “Thought you of all people had my back.”

“Colson, stop!” Presley pleads, crossing her arms protectively across her chest.

“Let me guess, you’re going to ask for a divorce soon,” I scoff. I know I’m being unreasonable, but I don’t want to be blindsided again. If she’s going to leave, I need to be prepared for it.

“Stop. You just want to hurt your own feelings,” Presley shoots back, her eyes narrowing. “You know I don’t feel that way.”

“Maybe you fucking do, though,” I mutter, and Presley explodes.

“Oh, fuck off!” she snaps, her eyes wide and fierce with anger. “I’ve been nothing but supportive and patient and sweet to you. I don’t force you to talk. I don’t tell you what to do. And now you want to put shit on me?”

“Presley,” I say, heart sinking. 

She shakes her head, holding a hand up. “You can wallow in your own fucking misery by yourself tonight,” she says. “I’m going to Cash’s.” With that, she abandons the kitchen and takes the stairs two at a time up to our room. 

Panic rises within me and I want to follow her but I feel frozen in place. She comes downstairs a few minutes later. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Presley slips into a pair of slides, shoulders her bag, and slams out of the house. 

And now, I’m completely alone. 

Presley

I wake up at Cash’s place the next morning with my eyes so swollen I can barely open them.

I don’t let Colson see how much this all impacts me because he’s the one really dealing with it. I’m just the wife. But I’m also the one who sees what’s being said on social media. I’m the one that interacts most with Jason, Colson’s lawyer. I’m the one who responds to texts from friends and emails about interviews. I don’t think Colson has any idea how much I’ve been doing since this all happened.

I’m completely exhausted. I miss my husband. I miss how things were just a month ago, before Megan ruined everything. She can’t stand seeing Colson happy with someone else. I see it for exactly what it is, but too many people still see Megan as this sexy, perfect woman and how dare MGK even breathe the same air as her! 

I hate her, and I don’t hate people. Usually, I’m pretty indifferent to anyone I don’t know. I’m protective of those I love, but I’m pretty good at just brushing people off. But I actually hate Megan. The fact that she’s making allegations like this for attention, for revenge on Colson for not taking her back when she was the one who hurt him in the first place. Colson is right – he’ll probably never come back from allegations like this. 

Jason is at a standstill with things; Megan’s lawyer isn’t very communicative, but I wake up with a strong feeling that I have to do something about this and very fucking soon. I stare at the ceiling for a long time, fingers twitching. “Fuck it,” I mutter, snatching my phone off the nightstand. Do not disturb is still on, so I ignore any notifications and scroll down, finding her original text to me. I type up the message and stare at it for three minutes before I finally hit send. 

There. Can’t take it back now.

It’s raining as I navigate LA traffic, hoodie pulled over my head. I must look wild right now, no makeup, messy hair, sweats and a hoodie. Slides on my feet. But I don’t give a fuck. This ends today. 

I send a text to announce my arrival and the gate slowly creeps open. It gives me some satisfaction that her house is smaller than ours and nowhere near as nice or unique. I park in front of the garage and walk up to the front door. I should be nervous but I’m not. I’m angry. I’m motivated. She doesn’t get to do this.

Before I even walk up the steps, the door is open. Megan stands there, one hand curled around the door, her long nails like talons. It’s funny – I used to have such a crush on Megan Fox. She was that girl-next-door kind of sexy, a little daring in the things she’d say but still coy enough. But up close, it’s clear just how much surgery she’s gotten done, and it doesn’t suit her. She can do whatever she wants; anyone can. But that doesn’t mean it looks good.

We nod at each other and I step inside as she moves out of my way. “Shoes off, please,” she says, and I leave my slides by the door. I follow her into a stark white dining room area. It’s the exact opposite of comfortable here. How does anyone live like this? 

“Have a seat,” Megan says, gesturing to one of the stiff chairs. I need to play this the right way, so I do as I’m told. She goes to the other side of the table and has a seat, slowly pushing her long hair off her shoulder. Her eyes find mine and she regards me for a second. Then, she smirks. “Colson has a type.”

“I don’t think he does,” I say, unable to help myself. “Where you’re a cold, vindictive bitch, I’m actually nice and I care about him.”

Megan snickers, quirking a brow. “Good to know you have some bite to you, Presley,” she says. “Why did you want to come here?”

“I thought we could have tea and girl talk,” I say, cocking my head to the side. “Why do you think I’m here, Megan?” I’m trying to keep it together, but now that I’m across the table from her, my anger is an entity in the room with us. 

She smirks but then it fades. She’s an actress but not a very good one. She’s trying so hard to look broken and sad but I see right fucking through it. “Has he hit you yet?” she asks.

“Cut the bullshit,” I say, tone clipped. “You and I both know Colson never laid a hand on you.”

“Oh, he laid hands on me several times, if you catch what I’m saying,” she says, that smirk reappearing. “Does he tell you you’re the most stunning woman he’s ever seen while he fucks you?” She leans forward, pressing her huge, fake breasts up. “He once told me I have the nicest body of any woman he’s been with. Has he said that to you?”

She’s trying to hurt me. She’s trying to get me to snap. This is what she does. I absolutely refuse to give into her games.

“So you’re saying any time he touched you, it was consensual,” I say.

Megan rolls her eyes. “Of course. You guys are all idiots,” she says. “Colson can posture all he wants but you know he’d never hurt a fly. But it’s so easy to get people to believe it. He has a reputation, after all. Aren’t you quite a bit younger than he is?”

“And aren’t you ten-plus years older than me and trying to scare me?” I shoot back. There it is – a tiny crack in the persona. A flicker of insecurity. It empowers me. “Why can’t you just let us be happy? You didn’t even want him. You left him, remember?”

Megan leans back, crossing her arms. “And now I want him back,” she says, eyes burning into mine.

“Do you think this is the way to get him back?” I ask, incredulous. “Holy shit. That’s so sad.”

“Don’t do that,” she says, a sour look taking over her features. “Don’t try to make me feel pathetic. It won’t work.”

“You need to admit that Colson never hurt you. Or his lawyer is going to sue you for everything you fucking have,” I say coldly.

“So what?” Megan snorts. “He can go right ahead. What’s done is done. No one will ever forget that I put that post out there.” She shrugs.

“But he never hit you. He never physically assaulted you,” I say.

“Of course he didn’t,” Megan scoffs. “Like I said, he was a pussy.”

My nostrils flare in anger but I’m almost done. “I want you to admit it,” I mutter. “To me.”

“Really?” Megan says, a grin broadening on her face. “You want me to admit that Colson never hurt me? He didn’t. In fact, I hit him. Several times. He deserved it.” Another crack in the exterior. A cold, desolate anger that I’ve never seen in anyone else before. This woman is fucking scary. 

“You’re sick,” I say, getting to my feet. “Leave us the fuck alone.”

“We’ll see about that,” Megan says from where she sits. I slip into my shoes and leave. 

As soon as I get in the car, I stop the audio recording, a smile growing slowly on my face. I toggle to the end of the recording, stopping it right before her confession. I got it. I fucking got it.

This ends now.

Taglist: @triplexdoublex @jaxbreaker @mgklove99xx @jinx-on-mars-19xx @iamnotanearthlingmotherfucker @anonymousme86 @whiteleoqueen @feroniakutenpuu @hxllywoodwhxree

[constantineshots]

Hey, what is your top 10 hellblazer issue?

TOP TEN HUH.

well, i wouldn’t put them in order, nor do I remember issue numbers off the top of my head. more specifically moments. it’ll be under the read more for a long, long post. some trigger warnings for abuse.

i like the first issue for nostalgia and the way it manages to show us john constantine as a character, and somewhat to outsiders. we see him as a human . . . and then his descent into what he see him doing every day because he’s a bit silly (racists are scared of him, for example, but that doesn’t really have to do with the magical aspect of john and more of his political one). it shows us who he is without necessarily delving too deeply into the world of magic, even if it’s just a glimpse.

another that really tickles my brain is technically a couple, but the specifics of newcastle. throughout hellblazer, it’s very much up in the air what actually happened and we only know the end results, because no one talks about it. however, while it is early on in the series, we get to learn about why this affects john as much as it does, and afterwards, how most of it was just pinned on john because of course the police don’t know much about the magical world. i think my favorite aspect is how, when we see him in ravenscar, magic is more of an ‘addiction’ of his as opposed to being a tool. yet he’s in there because they think he’s “loony” as it’s put then, but that’s a separate issue. count that one in this list of ten too, i think.

okay. i know. this one’s less traumatic and technically isn’t part of the original 300 of hellblazer. but. i thought the unicorn thing was actually hilarious. though honestly, i think since the original run ( and let’s be honest, even among some of the writers for the original ), simon spurrier is up there with some of the best hellblazer authors. BUT. i thought the pretty unicorn murdering people and shit was kind of amusing. sorry. i loved it.

another one of my favorites is the one where john is,,, so there’s this lesbian couple that wants to get pregnant. and one of them decides to essentially flirt with john and try to get him to sleep with her, and of course, it turns out with john being like “you could have just asked.” and it puts into perspective a lot of the things that he deals with, the ways people treat him. the things he faces. it’s a lot to take in. and the whole thing about wanting someone to hold you so you feel less alone….

tumblr is fucking with my spacing. how cruel. sorry for the squished lines </3

but anyways, onto number seven i think. personally, i really like the one where he broke ho with kit, and it’s because of two reasons: one, because it shows kit. i love her! but what i mean is that she is a take no shit kind of girl, and while she’d already explained this, it really shows it. people have said “oh fuck you john” and yada yada and end up back in his life again (no shade, chas). kit? she said “john, if you get magic into my home, i’m OUT.” and she fucking meant it too. she got attacked (and she handled it! love that for her) and then kept that boundary. i love her for being a strong character- not physically, necessarily, but keeping her boundaries, too. and also, it shows us what john is like when he’s losing something he really cares about. he acts like a cornered animal. he shouts and tries to say shit that will hurt you (like calling kit cold) because he’s scared. while we already knew this, it’s a very big throw in your face moment about how much of a piece of shit john can be, especially because this was a long-term relationship. and then, of course, he ends up depressed and homeless and doing his best to drink away his problems.

and i know this is going to sound horrible, but the one where john is like. literally discussing how he pretty much made his father sick with a spell and a dead cat (if i recall correctly) because of all the shit that his dad did to him and how he was treated. to me, it made sense. he found a way to defend himself. magic was that outlet of his own protection, his own defense, a way to try little by little to keep himself safe. really connected to me in a way- growing up, i had an abusive parent, and i could understand why he did what he did, because i wouldn’t have done any different.

AND THERE’S THIS ONE WHERE. john makes a statement about not trusting priests because of the fact that one attempted to assault him, but there’s a story where john is going through that story, and john sees the priest again. he has a panic attack first and foremost, and i think, to me, it’s one of the very first depictions of a mental health struggle. not necessarily in hellblazer- mainly because this is a story that handles a lot of hard topics and, depending on the writer, it’s done rather well- but in comics overall. it also shows that yes, priests can be villains too and take advantage of people, and that was a rather controversial topic during that time period. hell, it’s even controversial now, and we have stories of it happening all the time.

and ten. honestly, picking these was a bit difficult because i love a lot of hellblazer, but here we are. i, personally, enjoy mike carey’s run a lot (i LOVE lucifer. so i already knew i was in for it.) the arc where we’re seeing how much john cares for his sister and that he’s literally going to hell (okay maybe this isn’t that impressive because he’s always there) to get her back. with nergal! the fucking asswipe! but it also focused a lot on tony being very religious, and gemma, and how affected everyone was. gemma wanting to be like john and john shooting her down. there’s a lot to handle- like john’s…. children… that came about from odd circumstances…. maybe i’m biased here. ANYWAYS. good fun!

but i despise. and i mean DESPISE. anything after 250. i will never touch it again. i barely got through it the first time. again. DO NOT READ. ANYTHING PAST 250.

and i hated the original justice league dark run. probably because of milligan. fucking hate that guy. but regardless. you asked for hellblazer issues. technically some of these are arcs. BUT HEY! here you are :D

[bihansthot]

My little ham is being extremely cuddly tonight and I am very here for it, I was very sad earlier because I can’t remember what Jäger smells like anymore. I find myself smelling Denny often hoping I won’t forget him too. For some reason I’ve been thinking a lot about Jäger’s final moments lately which prompts trying to remember what he smelled like, what he felt like and I just can’t remember, all of those memories are wrapped up and laced with so much sadness and trauma I just can’t separate them. I don’t know what’s bringing these feelings back up lately, maybe because I haven’t been feeling well and have been unhappy because I feel unwell. I need a nice distraction and neither of the guys I’ve been seeing are providing it. Maybe I need a hobby? Writing seems too constricting lately and not fun. I’ve been thinking about crocheting again but a) I have to learn again which no biggie YouTube taught me when my niece was born 15 years ago, it can teach me again, b) I have no clue what to make? I’d make something for Denny but he has so many clothes lol I guess he can always use more? Maybe cute hats like Good Boy Ollie has? Denny deserves all the cute clothes and hats, he’s such a good baby. I don’t deserve him.

In non depressing dog stuff I made some video game resolutions for the year that I’m not sure I’ll accomplish. If you’ve followed me for a very long time you know I also love Soulsborne games, I’ve beaten DS3 and Elden Ring but my resolution is to beat the DLC for DS3, I want to beat Malenia and Placidusax in Elden Ring and finally play Bloodborne. I’ve never played Bloodborne despite absolutely loving it. The problem is I haven’t touched DS3 since I beat it so I can’t remember how to play it and Elden Ring I’m reasonably confident I can beat Placidusax but Malenia woof waterfowl dance am I right? THB I had enough health to tank most of it if I could avoid at least one but it’s her stage two form scarlet rot dive bomb that killed me. Admittedly I’ve only tried Malenia 2 or 3 times, my partner got Let Me Solo Her themselves to beat Malenia for them. I don’t know where to start though, I have to restart them all from the beginning because I’m on PS5 now, I guess I should go in order? So Bloodborne first? I’m so scared though everything is so fast 😭 I’m a big dumb, clunky over level and use the biggest axe in the game type player and I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up. I don’t know if I can do the DLC I don’t know if I can beat Lady Maria or the Orphan of Kos but I guess I’ll try. Wish me luck y’all, I’m not embarking back into Soulsborne until I 100% Season of the Cryomancer though and of course this will have no bearing on my MK lust/content or anything, I don’t really have Soulsborne husbandos/waifus though I guess there’s boy Anri and Vicar Amelia (yes I’m a monster fucker, deal with it) oh oh and my precious stingray boyfriend Lorian, I don’t write for any of them or self ship with any of them so there will still be lots of dumb egg jokes. Don’t worry I’m in no way taking a break from MK I’m just indulging in another franchise I love deeply too, multitasking. So I guess just a heads up that there may be an influx of rage posts about Soulsborne bosses lol Or me professing my endless love for Greirat and Boc lol Will I ever go back to Baldur’s Gate 3?? Who knows! Probably not tbh I don’t like anyone other than Gribbo and Scratch not to mention I’ve seen my partner put just hours into it. I’ve seen the game and maybe I’m just bad at it but it’s just not fun for me which is why I’m going back to Soulsborne games lol I’ll tag my posts with “Soulsborne” if you don’t wanna see my rambling about the games though but like I said I promise I will still be all MK all the time after all it’s my true love ❤️

This has been a pointless Sol rambles, thanks for reading 🩵

[cookies-over-yonder]

hi! Since we’re all feeling depressed about grant Wilson tonight might I share my thoughts about the littlest of boys?

cool. So. Of course poor grant (I’ll get to that) but starting with: his friends had to have been SO CONFUSED (and scared!) like they know him as a (admittedly introverted) pretty happy guy! And seeing as he was the last one to be taken by the purple robes, when he gets to the tower it had to have been such a shock to the rest of them to just see the most depressed human being to ever exist! And one of my first posts on this entire site was about how fucking homophobic Willy stampler must have been to him, so to go from being deeply traumatized to that shit is really fucking bad! ALSO HIS PARENTS? Who raised this happy kid just to see him turn into a vaguely sociopathic murderer???

back to grant though: if you’ve listened to the teen talk, you know that this was (as far as we know) the first time Daryl had ever realized grant’s attraction to guys SO GRANTS PROCESSING HIS COMING OUT TO HIS INTENSELY RELIGIOUS DAD AND THEN THAT HAPPENS?? Plus they had no time to talk about any of that shit so??

anyways sorry for the rant!

yeah!!!! i have actually been relistening to all of s1 with the talking dads and i think matt said darryl already knew because he'd been on grant's laptop before and seen. things EHAOEAUEOAHEOAJE but like yeah!!! grant realizing that now his dad knows and then getting whisked away ough ough ough ough

[drifloonz]

HII WISPYYY OKOK so i have the biggest fixation on Steven rn... that man has me on a chokehold

it's very self indulgent (i think......) but like... S/O who's very scared and jumpy from things like fireworks or balloons, like causing them panic attacks !! like being comforted by him, hugged and being led away from danger... i'm gushing so much over the idea of being hugged by steven and comforted i just know you would put it into words better than me (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) I'm sorry if its very vague, thank you !!! ily !!!

HIHI ANON! ! ! and also im not sure if that was intentional but chokehold huh. Sorry. Sorry. ANYWAYS, i can definitely do that! plus i personally relate to being like. jumpy and scared from sudden noises esp around this time of the year good lord ( remember how bad it was during 2020 that shit sucked ). I can also personally relate to the steven fixation.... wistful sigh.

anyways !! ty!! Here is your tall dark brooding Issues Having boyfriend. i wrote way too much for this probably but i assume people follow me for that by now. Throwing birdseed at my followers in the form of depressed men

_

steven with an S/O who is deeply scared of fireworks ( and similar things )

♡ steven himself isn't one who really... likes loud noises, especially ones that come out of nowhere? it doesn't happen often, but sometimes there are fireworks set off around his home, either as a prank or just people celebrating near where he can hear, since, fireworks can be seen and heard pretty far. regardless, he's too tired nowadays to care about that, unless it becomes a constant issue. it does also startle miki though if she's out of her pokeball, which is a cause for concern and... anger. he's not going to track people down and kill them for it though, like he would've before, no matter how tempting it is if it frustrates miki.

♡ so, when you walked into his life having a lot worse issues with that than he did - which is something he realized after the 4th of july ( because that probably exists in pokemon, or something similar to it ) from the flurry of fireworks - he realized that anything like that happening even once wasn't acceptable for him anymore.

♡ along with your fear of balloons - whether it be the popping sound they make when destroyed, or some sort of trauma that they remind you of, or textural issue perhaps... however it becomes apparent, steven's making sure that the both of you avoid them. ( note to self; do not take you to an amusement park. )

♡ he even goes as far as to personally vet the stores or places you go to before taking you out just to make sure no balloons are present, or at least to know how to avoid them if they are.

♡ of course, the reason he even finds out about these fears of yours is likely due to firsthand experience. seeing you panic after a few fireworks go off nearby makes him also panic but much more internally - he's not sure if he should be holding someone or not during a panic attack... doing that all of a sudden would be bad, right? he know if someone did that to him in his worst states he either wouldn't react or would angrily push them off.

♡ so firstly, he tries to calm you down verbally... doing some breathing techniques that he probably picked up from daisy after losing miki and encouraging you to repeat the patterns, along with the 3-3-3 technique in order to ground you. he's not often been on the giving end of these techniques, people always offering to do these for him... but due to that, he's all too familiar with the feeling, and is 100% ready to help you out with it.

♡ then he promises he'll be back soon and seeks out things to help you out and give you comfort. something to block out the noise, closing windows ( not that he often has them open ), moving you somewhere where the fireworks were quieter, like his kitchen or something... and of course, he'd turn on his tv(s) and anything that would overpower the noise.

♡ he doesn't give himself anything to muffle the noise because your noises and voice comfort him... and he wouldn't want to muffle that. even though the fireworks still very much irritate him, but more in a slight annoyance way... at least, until now. he feels mad at any of these sounds more than usual due to the fact it puts you in this state, and you're more important to him than almost anything else. If he could physically brawl with a goddamn firework for you he would.

♡ once you're calmed down enough to talk and you give him permission, he hugs you. tight enough to remind you that he's there for you, but loose enough to give you wiggle room... he'll cuddle with you in his bedroom if you want, and just try to relax you enough to sleep, at least until the fireworks are over. he's like your personal assistant, ready to carry out any of your wants to make you feel better.

♡ comfort foods? he has you there, stocked up on plenty of them after the two of you started dating, since that mostly involves you coming over to his place... it was sort of the start of him deciding to take care of himself and be a little more active in life, even if it's just going out to get groceries from the pokemart and not much else. he'll offer you plushies if you want or have any, blankets, drinks, turning on specific shows, whatever you'd like. he'll even let you play with his hair or clothes or something if it calms you down... he likes how it feels too, and will similarly play with yours because that also calms him down.

♡ if any of this were to happen to you two outside, he'd just quickly lead you as far away as he could within reason and do the same things, at least to the best of his extent. likely, he'd just go home and continue there.

♡ he'll stay with you for as long as you need, give you space if you need it... anything you want. if you need space, he'll just be pacing around his home and doing everything he can to muffle outside noises while he waits.

♡ miki, of course, is also there to help you if you're comfortable enough with her doing so. she's a good distractor, actually? she also gets startled and disgruntled by the noises, so she can relate... she allows you to pet her and will sometimes nuzzle your nose with her snout for comfort, emitting glitchy purrs. How can a dragon purr? fuck if i know but by god i know miki can and will. she's just a big powerful cat in a dragon body.

♡ once the fireworks calm down or stop completely, he checks in on you, continuing to comfort you if you're still even awake by then. he holds you by your waist close to him, giving you a gentle little squeeze, along with a few chaste kisses if you allow it. he's happy that his partner is doing much better now, and he almost feels validated that he's the one who did that...? maybe that's selfish. he didn't know.

♡ after that experience, he's sure to keep the noise muffling measures up to stuff, constantly checking them to make sure they're still properly in place. he becomes a little more overprotective, but he always is overprotective with you... he doesn't want to lose you or scare you.

♡ he continues to practice breathing exercises even when you aren't panicking so that you can remember them precisely if he isn't there. he never intends to not be there for you, but... in the worst-case scenario.

♡ he also encourages you to talk about these things to him, so he can prepare in advance for anything similar - which is likely why he knows about the balloons thing. if you somehow didn't realize by now, he's... really just a big worrywart at heart, no matter how he comes off otherwise.

♡ if the fireworks become far too constant for their own good, steven himself will make it a damn mission to locate whoever's setting them off and tell them to do it precisely like, way further away. his demeanor is pretty scary to everyone else, and that's when he's not even trying to be - so he's pretty good at convincing people, even without many words.

♡ thankfully, pallet town is decently far from any big city in kanto where fireworks mainly take place, especially on steven's side of pallet town - the forest itself gives a good bit of muffling, too. which, always makes it more strange when fireworks occur nearby, but he just chalks it up to the locals buying illegal fireworks for their kids to set off. how irresponsible...

♡ ( what he didn't know is they also sometimes do that when red or blue occasionally take visits back to pallet, since the locals get so excited over them... )

♡ regardless, you're taken care for and he's not going to let you panic unprepared anymore. you've got a keeper!!!! ( i wrote way too much for this apologies oopsy )

[rosencrantzsguildenstern]

Hamlet......the eternal blorbo......character meme pls (also i7 trigger if you'd like)

OKAY. i was at school all day but here we go

(did gaku already here)

hamlet:

gah. hamlet. one of the most famous blorbos of all time. the thing about him is that he's not only tragic and well written, he's also, like, funny? relatable? the college-educated prince i think would have been someone much harder to connect to in shakespeare's time— definitely not impossible, and he's written as someone you can connect to, but still— but in this day and age the world is FULL of depressed college students, and hamlet's genuinely charming. i recoil at adaptations that frame him as a clear asshole (apart from immortal ros&guil performances that are clearly just having some fun with him) because while you can say 'oh, he killed those people, he mistreated ophelia, he caused the problems' and all that, you can and should sympathize with him, and a performance where you get to enjoy every moment of his being onstage is a good one; he makes a kind of sharp-tongued joke that an audience should be able to laugh at. i'm sad about him, too, but the tragedies that REALLY make me sad tend not to be hamlet-brand; what draws me to him is just like. his energy. and his tragic fall is done very well (of course it is, it's one of the most well-liked plays of all time)

tenn:

compared to hamlet tenn isn't as much of an all timer but on god. i'm obsessed with him. stream hidden region mv right now.

i always get hyped whenever a character is a collection of archetypes i've never seen before and on god. tenn. nice guy who acts like an asshole who acts nice. his layers. but that's such an oversimplification too... i want to dissect him. he's so stubbornly self sacrificial my boy LET PEOPLE HELP YOU. not me tho i wont help u i'll hit u with a baseball bat for being ableist to riku . but he's really good

ryuu:

RYUUUUUUU i tend to like the characters who are like... weird and complicated and really unique concepts and ryuu is not that like he DOES have complexity + every idolish7 character also has a cool twist that takes them beyond an archetype (i think every) . but i do love him he's just like. lovable. like how could u look at ryuu and NOT like him. i also really like when he gets mad like when he scares yaopapa or REALLY GOOD SCENE the times he like. very seriously and calmly, at a very mentally low state, gets antagonized by ryou and just. verbally eviscerates him. they make really good foils because he's everything ryou's not: he's down to earth, he deeply cares for people and isn't afraid to show it, and he understands himself. he's got moments of anxiety and self doubt, but he's managed to build himself up from that as trigger's grown closer. ik other fans like him when he's dumb/oblivious, i tend not to laugh as much at those moments (though some are iconic) bc i really like him as someone who like. knows what he's about. he's also kind of the touma of trigger; when i first met trigger, they were antagonistic and tenn and gaku were always bickering, so i saw them as villains, and ryuu was the member that endeared me to himself first (pretty much as soon as he stepped onscreen lol)

[kunikidas-lost-glasses]

BSD college!AU headcanons - Fyodor and Dazai being childhood best friends

TWS: Mentions of relapses, mentions of fainting, very slight mentions of depressive episodes, very slight mentions of past (child-) abuse

This is really only them as friends. Nothing more. I just like to think that they have a very strong bond and that they are childhood best friends. They are close in their own way but it's purely platonic/ only friendship.

Ft. Soukoku and Shibufyosiggol

---------------------------------------------------

- Dazai and Fyodor are childhood besties

- Dazai is genuinely not afraid of Fedya unlike other people often are. No matter how murderous the glares are he shoots at him when Dazai decides to mess with him a bit. He doesn't mind. 

- Fyodor on the other hand never thought of Dazai as weird 

- Dazai often calls Fyodor or visits him in his dorm when he is in need of advice or help

- He only does this if he is really out of ideas (which happens rarely) 

- Fyodor might seem like he really doesn't want to help Dazai out or that he deeply judges his friend but  he always ends up helping him anyways

- They both struggle with sleeping so the often unintentionally meet each other in the 24h Café at night where they either sit quietly together and drink their coffee, hot chocolate or tea or tiredly chat

- It makes their night a it better if they are completely honest 

- They visit each other when one of them is stuck in a depressive episode 

- They have some kind of a rivalry going on about their exam scores since they are both always on top of their courses and of the school in general

- When Dazai and Chuuya had their first more serious fight as a couple, Dazai actually panicked a tiny bit and went to Fyodor for advice and also because he was scared that Chuuya didn't love him anymore. 

- Nikolai was there too that day and tried to give Dazai advice too

- Fyodor and Nikolai give completely different advice 

- After all, Fyodor is a really calculating and logical person who can decipher the mind of nearly each human while Nikolai seemingly throws any logic out of the window but still manages to bullshit his way through whatever he does and succeeds greatly. 

- When Dazai saw Fyodor seemingly being in a relationship with Nikolai, Sigma and Shibusawa he asked Fyodor about it and after Fyodor casually revealed that he was in fact together with the three of them and that they were in a happy poly relationship, Dazai nearly fainted 

- Dazai, Nikolai and Fyodor know each other since they were young teens after all and Dazai would have never imagined that the rat would pull three boyfriends while he himself was struggling for years to get together with Chuuya since they both had been deep in denial and had both been equally emotionally stupid aswell. 

- Fyodor is just as chaotic as Dazai. He just won't show it often

- While they always roast each other and while they always try to get on the others' nerves, they are actually worried about the other when he's stuck in a bad depressive episode again, when Dazai relapsed or is struggling trying not to relapse or when Fyodor fainted again due to his anemia. 

- Sometimes they just sit together and talk to the other about what is currently on their mind without really following a real conversation. 

- Then one can overhear Dazai talking about humanity and the purpose of life while Fyodor talks about philosophy and religious stuff. Both won't really reply to what the other said and often just acknowledge it with a nod but they both truly enjoy the conversation immensely because they can freely rant about what is on their mind  with someone who understands 

- Sometimes they discuss their views before going back to just exchanging information which can make the conversation even better

- Fyodor roasting Dazai to a point where the other is visibly struggling to find a good comeback while a shit eating grin is plastered on the rats' face.

- Dazai actually taught himself how to properly take care of Fyodor when he fainted again 

- He taught himself what to do while he's still unconscious and what to do after he woke up again so that he can take care of him when his boyfriends aren't around

- He really doesn't trust random people and he doesn't wants to waste any time asking people to help him then so he just did some proper research, talked to Fyodor about it and talked to Yosano about it

- After he did everything he could while Fyodor is still unconscious, he always calls either Nikolai, Sigma or Shibusawa to inform them

- On the other hand, Fyodor knows how to properly change bandages and is one of the few people who are allowed to change Dazai's bandages when he physically and/or mentally can't do so and while Chuuya isn't available 

- They swoon so much about their boyfriends to each other

- They always play chess together 

- Often it's one of the few things where they can relax for a bit

- Sometimes they shove two chessboards together and play together with Shibusawa and Nikolai over four chessboards

- Sigma is either their Referee or just watches them play for a while when he doesn't have anything to do

- When he watches them, he often cuddles with Shibusawa or Nikolai 

- Sometimes Nikolai and Sigma team up against the other three but while Sigma is pretty intelligent himself, he is much more talented at card games and gambling than at chess and how these three can play chess with four people is beyond him I

- He's pretty sure that Nikolai just bullshits his way through it

- Fyodor and Dazai both got convinced by Shibusawa to help him out for some projects for his fashion major and model for him

- Dazai and Fyodor both genuinely enjoy their daily conversations and like being in each other's company

- Sometimes they giggle (literally. They giggle in that one prison arc chapter) about some pretty dark shit together

- Them making stupid bets is a thing

- Sometimes Nikolai, Chuuya and Ranpo join their bets

- Fyodor kind of feels happy for his old friend when he sees how he slowly starts to recover by now

- After all they've met when Dazai was still heavily influenced by Mori and his abuse and when Fyodor and Nikolai still only wore rags from their time on the streets, barely speaking any Japanese 

- They listen to classical music together

- Dazai whines about how boring it is but in truth he kind of likes it

- When they were younger they sometimes had "sleepovers" where they hung out together until late in the evening in Dazais' room or in Fyodor and Nikolais' apartment talking about philosophy, humanity, society, beliefs, chess, feelings or just talking about random bs until they fell asleep 

- Fyodor gave Dazai advice on how to get together with Chuuya

- He was kind of sick of watching them being so oblivious 

- Dazai was kind of sick of Fyodor and Nikolais' complicated relationship as well as of them being painfully oblivious too

- They can be themselves around each other. Dazai doesn't have to put up serval facades and Fyodor can talk about what he wants without scaring the other away

 - Normally they can only be themselves around their boyfriends (Dazai can also be himself around Oda,Ango, Kunikida, Poe and Ranpo but Fyodor doesn't have any kind of relatives, parental figures or close friends) 

- They just really enjoy being in each other's company even though it might not always seem like it and they share a mutual understanding for each other which creates a deep bond between them

[suboobia]

i realize the last four or five years have been an absolute nightmare for everyone in regards of global events, conflicts and general life. but my personal life for about a year now has felt like i am trapped in this nightmare bubble, and am not too sure how i am able to get out of that lately. i say lately because i think it's catching up to my family in the sense a lot of depression and sadness looms over us. it sucks so much. it hurts. i have the weight of the world and life sitting right on my shoulders, and it's affecting me both mentally and physically. it's been causing me sudden medical issues, and they're a little bit scary. which, obviously, leads me further down the road of stress and anxiety and i'm not sure where the end of the tunnel is right now.. this all sounds vague and scary. because it is. i don't know who i am right now or what is going on in, i just know it's been a painful time for me. for everyone around me. it's hard watching my family go through things, being a deeply empathetic person who takes everything to heard, really takes a toll on a person.

i have doctors appointments soon, and while i'm ready to get to the bottom of this sudden onslaught of medical issues, i also don't wanna know at all either. especially considering the last year has involved nothing but a lot of medical nightmares with my step dad. he's very sick right now with stage iv lung cancer, has been on treatments for months now, and we aren't sure if there's ever going to be an end to that either. as you can see, this is why life has taken an absolute toll on me and stirred up some issues within myself. because of course it did. life has a weird way of doing that... once one domino falls, the rest of the pieces keep falling with it. things always spiral all at once. i know it's apart of life, apart of being human, we go through things, but we get back up on the other side. but i'm honestly terrified. i wish the universe would stop the dominoes from toppling down endlessly.

perhaps i could just not be vague about what's happening to me. it all started about a week ago, i started my period, and then things kind of spiraled out of control from there i guess. maybe not because of my period, but i have persistent diarrhea and unable to pass a lot of gas, having bowel issues. passing mucus (maybe?) and stomach aches. not feeling well. low appetite. etc. i have fallen into so many rabbit holes at this point, and i am so fucking scared it's something scary. i have barely slept. just feel like crying. in fact, i've been crying a lot, feeling extra sensitive about everything and stressed as hell. i just am at a loss. i know some other family members have felt the same way, too, and it makes me feel even worse because like i said i have a lot of empathy.

i won't know anything until my appointment next friday, so guess i'll just be sitting here spiraling into endless pits of dispair.

[tomwambsmilk]

before i stumbled upon your blog just now, i had seen zero (0) imagery of succession.

i did not care about succession. i thought it seemed like not my type of show, boring even (i apologize, my mistake).

i still have no idea what it's about.

i know not anything about your scrimblos more than the first 5 mins of looking at your blog has told me.

but you've intrigued me. I still won't probably see this show (no offense - i haven't even watched through good omens and i Loved that show and follow fanfics of it)

but damn it if i won't follow this blog.

keep up the good fight. milk your men. you keep a high supply of fresh juicy content; and i am a patron of the arts.

You have NO idea how absolutely delightful this ask was to get. We here at Tommy Milk Inc ALWAYS welcome additional patrons, regardless of existing knowledge of succession, affection for Tom, or position on the undefined but definitely very real Succession Political Compass. And I am personally deeply flattered by your enjoyment of my fresh juicy content, which I work so hard (with the help of my compatriots) to keep flowing from the tits of a certain Thomas Wambsgans day and night.

In fact, your ask has inspired me to attempt a bit of a Tommy milk renaissance (or milkaissance, if you will), so if milkposting is a topic which interests you, I'll be reblogging some key posts in the history of this phenomenon in short order.

All that said, while I don't think you need any prior knowledge of succession to appreciate the magical milk flowing from his substantial tits, I thought it might be helpful, for the sake of better enjoying the content, to get a Crash Course in the various Scrimblos of Succession:

Logan Roy - literally the worst. Rolling with lgbt but also deeply homophobic, but also might be falling in love with his son-in-law (source: asked for his help peeing). Obsessed with milk and piss. Got a UTI and almost destroyed his own company over it. Once made several of his execs wrestle each other for sausages on a corporate retreat. Will hopefully die in season 4

Kendall Roy - defender of women. Wants to be Oedipus but is bad at it. Used to do coke off his kids iPads but is now interested in becoming a meth-head (character growth!). Clinically depressed, probably. Technically killed a guy once. Wants to be Jesus sooo bad he almost strapped himself to a cross at his birthday party while performing Billy Joel's "Honesty". Definitely invested in crypto off-screen

Roman Roy - meow meow supreme. Big proponent of sexual harassment. "Scared of pussy" but does like ejaculating onto windows. Thinks "fascism is cool, but also, not really". Tried to send a picture of his dick to the company's general legal counsel and sent it to his father instead. Major daddy's boy but does not know how much milk costs (sad!). Only person on this entire show who's ever been to management training

Shiv Fucking Roy - 1/2 of the show's resident failmarriage. Used to work for Bernie Sanders (succession edition). Asked for an open marriage on her wedding night. Tries to be a #girlboss but is ultimately more of cringefail loser (affectionate). Called her husband manipulative because he tried to talk about his feelings. Representation for women who are their father's daughters (derogatory). Was almost suspiciously excited about the prospect of having sex with another woman in a threesome before Tom had to go and ruin it. Will likely murder him in season 4 (for unrelated reasons)

Connor Roy - running for president and polling VERY close to 1%. Sugar daddy, patron of the arts, and big Napoleon fan. Man of the people (the people who work on his ranch). Occupations: "safeguarding" thousands of acres of New Mexico wilderness, and being on the verge of setting up a podcast about Napoleonic history with significant investment interest. A lack of real-world experience has sometimes been levelled at him. Owns Napoleon's penis. Everyone else keeps forgetting he exists

Tom Wambsgans - babygirl!!!! Other half of the resident failmarriage. Lactates (they haven't addressed this in canon but that doesn't mean it isn't true). Has a Nero kink. Spends a lot of time saying suspiciously sexual things about his father-in-law. Sent his wife's cousin Greg 67 emails with the subject line "You can't make a Tomlette without breaking some Greggs" on the first night of his honeymoon. White collar criminal but bad at it. Once started secretly tracking his wife's menstrual cycle so he could pretend to be horny when she was ovulating in the hopes this would convince her to have a baby. Official boar on the floor loser (Karl stole his sausage). Pushed Shiv down the stairs and castrated and married Cousin Greg in the season 3 finale. Has a dick the size of a red sequoia and fucks like a bullet train

Cousin Greg - slick little fuck (affectionate). Tom's executive assistant and corporate sugar baby. Also a white collar criminal but even worse at it. Suing Greenpeace for his inheritance. Has a gay homewrecking dad. Absolutely should go to HR about Tom but won't. Not here for a long time, but also not really having a good time. Generally doesn't know what's going on. Probably entering his villain era in Season 4 (what is he going to do with a soul anyways??). Once asked Tom to prove that he has a dick the size of a red sequoia and fucks like a bullet train

[bitegore]

Well Red if you wake at 3 am tonight (though I do hope you can sleep more) I invite you to think about what your favorite idiot think of your favorite group of idiots. What does vortex think of each of the Stunticons? And Mixmaster (cause I gotta throw in a random constructicon)

OOOH okay :D

Vortex thinks Motormaster is a fucking embarrassment but he's really fun to rile up because he gets really mad so easily. "If Megatron wanted a bruiser with nothing in his head, couldn't he have just taken a bunch of those drones he sicced on the autobots back with us? who would even notice the difference"

Vortex thinks Drag Strip is also a fucking embarrassment but he's really fun to rile up because it's so easy to hurt his feelings while keeping him coming back for more because he takes backhanded compliments so personally. He's like a walking psychological 'poke me' box, it's funny as fuck.

Vortex thinks Dead End is kind of boring up until Dead End, sent by someone else, is like "[awkward smile] hello. you can um, send me away but um, so, um, uh, i was uh, talking, and, uh, someone told me you might have? uh???? snuff porn could i borrow some please ill give it back in an hour i just really want to see it PLEASE" and now Vortex is like vaguely fascinated. This fully comes from one fic I read (What You Wish For by Ultharkitty) and i am going to run with it and no one can stop me.

Vortex doesn't really like Wildrider because Wildrider is both a) annoying, b) hard to get a rise out of, and c) annoying. Did I mention that one? He gets on Vortex's last nerve. Wildrider is, like, not nearly as mean as Vortex but they're on some pretty similar drifts except it's actually harder to get under Wildrider's plating than it is to get under Vortex's. Vortex has a big obvious gaping weakness called 'loyalty coding' and it's funny (for a given value of funny) to get him to trip it, and Wildrider likes watching things break and fall. So they don't get along well. Vortex has plans for Wildrider.

Vortex thinks Breakdown is funny. He's just so easy to rile up and he doesn't even try to get Vortex back for it most of the time, he just freaks out and runs scared. It's great. 10/10 excellent chew toy, probably Vortex's favorite out of the five of them because he's so entertaining to play with literally all of the time. Plus he's actually got some kind of solid core under there? You'd think that it'd GET to him but he keeps bouncing back. (Which, of course, just makes it more fun to treat him like a bouncy ball by metaphorically hurling him into the nearest wall as hard as possible.)

Vortex thinks Mixmaster makes the good high-grade, which is very important to him. His favorite Constructicon is probably Hook but he actually plays nice with Mixmaster (or, like, at least nice-ish). Mixmaster may be kind of crazy but he is unfortunately for Vortex not stupid, so he finds this deeply suspicious and so does every single other Constructicon. very depressing for our favorite horrible helicopter because he just wants candy and booze and they're acting like he's here to scheme. awful :( terrible :( why would you think such horrible things of me :((

[popcornoncemore]

Anyone who has been around me/followed me since last year, you know it's been a tough time. There have been times when I get really down and my posting reflects that.

For many people, April 1st is a joke, a day of fun. But for me, it's also the day that changed my life forever. This day last year, I was told that my friend, who is practically my adopted child, had called from a bridge that she was trying to convince herself not to jump off of. I got help, then we left school to go try and find her, searching for her pink jacket in the fog. When we got to the bridge, she wasn't there and for five minutes I couldn't look to the highway below because I thought she was dead. But then we found out that an off-duty police officer had seen her standing there and stopped to help her. She had to go to the hospital for a while.

That night, I went to a school dance and danced with my friends. The few of us who knew what happened had to pretend that everything was fine when it felt like the whole world had fallen apart.

It was really difficult. Her parents weren't as supportive as they should have been, and she was already struggling with several mental health problems. I did my best to support her while battling my own mental health. I had flashbacks to those five minutes on the bridge all the time. I was deeply depressed. My memory went all foggy, I forgot what I learned in drivers ed and several units of an AP course.

At the end of the school year, we checked in and cried with each other. I was finally able to tell my best friend what happened and he's helping support me now. It has been hard every day since and there have been moments where I just want to whisk her away from life and keep her safe. So often I feel scared, angry, and hopeless.

But today, the one year anniversary of the day I thought I lost my child, she's still here. Because of her resolve, her strength to hold on and call for help when she was struggling, because of that stranger who stopped and saved her, because we pushed through the aftermath, because of the amazing people who have supported both her and me, and most importantly because of her will to get up every day and keep going despite it all, even when she is hopeless. I'm so, so proud of her.

Tonight, she wants to take me to dinner and a theater show. She's insistent on paying for my drink. Times are hard, but I believe she can do it with everything in me. A year later, and she really is surviving, even if she doesn't see it yet.

So happy April 1st, my worst day and my best day.