theres just something (delusional) theres just something about the way that jon and elias talk to each other especially in s3 where theyre both kind of...familiar with each other. better the devil you know. elias is someone who jon can get mad at and be rude to because after all he’s shown himself to be a villain and the enemy. he’s someone who jon can be vulnerable to because he’s fucked up his relationships with all his other coworkers and he knows that elias is the closest thing he has to getting any help in this fucked up situation. tim saying “this place loves you too much to let you get swapped” and jon’s first thought is “what about elias? surely he’s the same?” jon can take 2 seconds out of the crushing guilt that he constantly feels for becoming an avatar of fear to tell elias to shut up or play along with elias’ smarmy remarks. for the whole time jon’s known elias he’s always been on some level scared of him but now he’s also resentful and angry and he can’t stop doing what elias tells him to do and he can’t stop reaching out towards him because he’s all that he has. so every interaction they have is charged with those conflicting feelings and weird familiarity. monster intimacy with my monster boss
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hey did you know??? that if you stop stretching and maintaining mobility in your body then it goes away?? things get tight and you can't move the way that you used to??? and when you decide to try getting a stretch routine going that the first week fucking sucks because you keep going 'damn i used to be able to do this no problem' and then you have to switch gears and be kind to yourself and just focus on getting better from here instead of berating yourself for dropping the good habits in the first place??? and your body never stops aging so you gotta keep taking care of it and sometimes you gotta take care of it extra in certain areas because of things that happened when you were younger and it's boring and sometimes hurts but it's so necessary???
i am yelling this at myself right now i am going through An Experience (trying to get into a routine of body maintenance again for my physical and mental health)
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actually, i did want to ask you all - a commonly shared sentiment about character creators in games or dressup games online is there's very frequently a lack of black hairstyles.
so it made me curious - what are some black hairstyles you wish would be included more in character creators/dressup games? or ones you get really happy to see are included?
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for anyone too young to know this: watching The Truman Show is a vastly different experience now, compared to how it was before youtube and social media influencers became normal
before it was like, "what a horrifying thing to do to a human being! to take away their autonomy and privacy, all for the sake of profits! to create fake scenarios for them to react to, just to retain viewership! to ruin their happiness just so some corporate entity could harvest money from their very humanity! how could anyone do something so evil?"
and now it's like, "ah, yeah. this is still deeply fucked up, but it's pretty much what every influencer has been doing to their kids for a decade now. probably bad that we've normalized this experience"
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so i left the mormon church as a teenager (15ish? 16?), but stayed in attendance until i was 20. i was pretty up front about the whole deciding-it-wasnt-true process with my bishop, who frankly took it really well, but it wasnt like i pulled all 150 ward members aside and had a heart to heart with them. anyway, i didnt believe, so at 19 i didnt go on a mission, and while some people in the ward were totally fine with that, others werent. and there was one woman in her late 50s who pulled me aside one day to interrogate me why i hadnt gone on a mission.
"the duty of every young man" she said.
and the thing is, im autistic. and a lot of people assume that when youre autistic, your social skills just arent very good. but thats not exactly true. your Be Polite skills are kind of eh, and they tend to stay that way, but as a sort of survival mechanism your Be Rude skills become amazing simply because you get put in tons of situations where your choices are to Function or Be Polite. and no one can choose Be Polite forever. the world demands function, it merely encourages politeness.
anyway, it can really catch neurotypicals by surprise, because hey, heres this kind of awkward, graceless guy, who stumbles over his words a lot and is very apologetic. hes probably a huge pushover. but i'm only like that when we're playing The Polite Game, because i am frankly kind of bad at it. but when its time to play The Rude Game, i go fucking ham and asking about the not-going-on-a-mission thing is Super Rude. so i said:
"sister hadlock... they wont let me go because i lit-er-ally cannot stop sucking dicks. i dont know why, its just so, so hard."
*dramatic pause*
"also - its very difficult to stop."
anyway, it almost killed her. i think she'd expected to just kind of steamroll me for the entire conversation, but the answer crushed her soul. instead of continuing her interrogation she made a noise like a horse drowning in a bog and left.
to add insult to injury, she went to the bishop after that, thinking he'd chew me out for being an ass, but instead he chewed her out for not minding her own business. then she went to my parents after that, who basically went "yeah, babylon was pretty rude. but youre also pretty rude. what are you, mad that he's better at it than you?"
i really loved that ward.
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