#but Catherine ... well. she's a special case

[throughpatchesofviolet]

Oh!!! if u don’t rlly like Cathy (i like her and criticize her but like… I can see why esp in the original contexts of the Book you wouldn’t and that’s perfectly valid!) there are versions of it that are just Heathcliff’s sections i think? so that way you can still enjoy it without having the parts ur not so comfortable with.

Also for the melatonin post i totally think Heathcliff would do that. He seems the type to let his loved ones cuddle him to sleep,,, he prob also would sleep easier with Sherry cus I mean, she makes him feel comfortable and happy and she’s safe in his arms -🕯️

Yeah, I'm really not a Catherine fan--part of it is jealousy, but part of it is I really don't like how she wants to make Heathcliff "a better person," implying he needs to change for her ... it just rubs me the wrong way. I know the lyrics of "Through Patches of Violet" counter that, a bit, but it doesn't sit right with me, is all. That said, I do like her for what she brings to the story and Heathcliff's character!! I just don't exactly agree with how she went about things. She's one of those characters I like, but purely for what she adds to the plot--not so much as a person. So, I suppose I enjoy her while being critical, like you do!

I know the Erlking bosses in the new MD only play the Heathcliff portions of the song, so that's why I prefer listening to it there ... the fight isn't too bad, either. I get to see two Heathcliffs on screen, after all!

And yeah!! I've always seen Heathcliff as physically affectionate--Sherry isn't, really (since she's Sherlock Holmes, so her relationship with affection and romance is complicated), but she makes exceptions for him. I do take certain things from the book when talking about him, so I think you're right about Sherry helping him sleep better ... since his counterpart has really bad sleeping problems. But also it makes me worry about him napping all the time in Limbus, because of it ... I know he's been a napper since before Canto VI, but I can't help but worry about him, with the literary context.

[sunshades]

I’ve never read the stranger and I’m so curious about the Marie thing because I honestly don’t hear much about the two’s relationship outside of Meursault liking boobs.

RIGHT i was kind of curious because what i knew from friends going into the book was really kind of. the boobs? while it feels like limbus fans have always been REALLY excited about her in the way we were about other "love interest" characters (queequeg who was obviously going to be one of the most important characters in c5, being so defining of ishmael and of the homosexual subtext in moby-dick, and catherine whom we knew since release was at the crux of heathcliff's story as she is in wh) to the point i see her added to so many ship charts as an otp for meursault, so i was wondering if she really had such a cool and interesting dynamic that everyone was looking forward to it so much despite there having been no hint at her even existing. granted i'm excited at the thought of penelope since odypen is an incredibly important part to the odyssey (despite being. very aware there's no way we're getting a canon lesbian marriage 😭) even if nothing has hinted at her either...

so now i finished it and YEAH basically. to spoil an 80 year old novel- yeah the extent to their relationship is that they go to the movies, they go swimming together and they have sex. there is some stray moments where meursault shows a slight interest in her as a person (like wanting to know where she's going when she says she's busy, but then not thinking about asking her, i thought that bit was kind of endearing) and by the end when he's in prison he associates the thought of her to that of freedom, but beside that... 🤷‍♂️? there is no actual "dynamic" the way i expected from seeing people talking about limbus meursault's potential relationship with her.

THE metaphorical level of their relationship is INTERESTING- while i haven't done readings about it yet, i do think basically every character in the book is readable as representing a type of institution and the absurdity and corruption of it, so marie represents a very bleak (but realistic!) look on the institution of marriage and of romantic love at all. meursault has moments where he thinks/learns about a couple other relationships, that of his neighbour salamano with his late wife, and of his mom with her "boyfriend" at the hospice. in both cases the concept that is observed is that humans like to have a companion, especially as they grow older and weaker. salamano didn't care much for his wife, but when she died he felt lonely, so he got a dog instead. similarly, meursault never knew his father, but put his mom in the hospice when he realized they didn't have anything to tell each other- she resented him, but there she made friends and became close with a man. it's a thing all about convenience, in a sense. the relationship with marie too is framed in this context: meursault enjoys spending time with her and enjoys the sex, but anything else isn't relevant to him. his life is defined by the physical experience, the rest is... well, not serious!

as for marie herself, i think she's... and you'll forgive me for being dismissive of a female character-- vapid? i feel like that's the most accurate word sdtgyhufjdkg. it's not her fault, we see her through meursault's eyes, which means her interiority is kind of limited, but i think that is the idea. she is nice, she likes swimming, she smiles a lot, she is vaguely bothered by meursault's behavior and the fact he doesn't really love her or consider her special, but not enough to leave him. i think that too is supposed to be commentary on how love and marriage is something sought after out of a need and convenience more than anything sentimental, because it is considered the way one (especially a woman!) must lead a normal life.

so at the end: i'm genuinely not sure where this idea of marie as one of the "love interest" characters is coming from... but! i'm incredibly curious to see how canto 10 adapts the concepts she's tied to. considering the city doesn't really have like... well i guess the entire patriarchal structure of Marriage And Kids -and in fact we know canonically for some people (like fixers) it's widely considered a bad idea- i am really thinking they might not make her a character at all, unless there's some stuff specific to n corp. that meursault is going to explore. even if they adapted her, her role, like in the book, should be to reflect on meursault's indifference to life, his struggle to connect with the world, because that world IS weird and disconnected, much like he is. a good marie should reflect that as well i think.

on a sillier note. well. very obvious what my ultimate dealbreaker was:

[thatscarletflycatcher]

Okay you got me. Tell me about PP 1980

Okay, so XD

Imagine you had a BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice that was 5 hours long, faithful to the book, and yet having a different perspective/understanding/interpretation of the characters and the story? That's P&P 1980 in a nutshell, and I think it is worth watching just for that. But here are some other concrete things it has going for it, specially in relation to other adaptations:

The casting is closer in age than 95, and on one specific important case, closer than 05 too: Lady Catherine de Bourgh is played by an actress in her mid 40s, and she nails the absolute Opinionated Facebook AuntTM thing that the character has going in the novel.

It's not the only case of closer accuracy to the book in characters: Mr Collins is a young, tall, big guy, whose main issue is being very small minded, petty, and obsequent, instead of recurring to "he's greasy or slimy" as other adaptations do.

If you agree/like the "Darcy has autism" headcanon, this is the adaptation that leans the most heavily into it (it does overdo it, in my opinion, but there's a very interesting contrast between the flat affect of his facial expression, and the richness of inflexion in his voice)

Elizabeth Garvie's Lizzy is just... extraordinary. This adaptation circumvents the Jane-as-prettier-than-Lizzy issue by casting as Lizzy an actress with big, dark, very expressive eyes, small features and a very lively, sharp countenance and manners, whereas Jane's actress is tall and graceful and has a general air of kindness and sweetness, but in a very youthful way.

Speaking of Jane, this adaptation focuses much more on the sisters as sisters, and gives special emphasis to Lizzy's love for Jane, which I appreciate a lot.

Also speaking of Jane, Jane and Bingley are the cutest in this. They are given time, and he's kind and sociable and sweet without being an idiot. This adaptation includes that great line of his about how he wouldn't mind Darcy so much if he wasn't so tall, and the following comment about how Darcy can be fastidious of a Sunday evening.

That way, this adaptation includes several fan favorite scenes/lines that don't usually make it to adaptation, such as Darcy asking Lizzy to dance a reel, Lizzy playing and singing at a party in Meryton, Caroline teasing Darcy about putting uncle and aunt Phillips on the Pemberley portrait gallery, and the "I cannot fix the hour or the spot..." line. EDIT: also, the coffee pot scene!! and the rivalry between Mrs Bennet and Lady Lucas!

I also think it balances well how awful, in different ways, both Mr and Mrs Bennet (EDIT: and she's not insufferably shrill!!!!) are as parents (unlike how 95 and 05 "pick sides"); it emphasizes how self centered her efforts are, and how lazy and callous he can be in his mockery and indolence.

The opening sequence of each episode is a roll of a hand-drawn summary of the events of the episode and that's such a lovely detail.

Mind you, the adaptation is not without its faults. The production values are not what we are accustomed to nowadays. Some acting and lines are stilted and/or awkward. It has the odd choice here and there that is involuntarily funny. But I don't think people need discouragement from seeing it. I don't even think most of the general Austen fandom is aware of its existence. For my part, it has become my favorite adaptation of P&P (that I have watched so far; I haven't gotten yet to either 1967 or the Italian one).

[lizbethborden]

Hallie Rubenhold's new book was reviewed in that issue of Ripperologist, and not without some condescension. To some extent that's par for the course with book reviews, but Rubenhold's previous book, The Five, about the canonical Ripper victims, was EXTREMELY poorly received in Ripperologist circles, and for reasons that give one pause.

In particular, she was criticized for the framing of her book as a corrective to negative narratives around the victims; she explicitly wanted to rehabilitate their stories and fight against a perception that they were "just prostitutes." The argument went that serious Ripperologists and serious writers about the Ripper NEVER treated these women as "just prostitutes," and that Hallie Rubenhold was fighting an enemy that didn't exist, all to market her book.

To be honest, that reaction in itself feels a bit suspicious. Basically arguing that Rubenhold is coming in and #MeTooing it all up is not a great look, and it also disregards the STRONG public perception of these women as "just prostitutes." Movie and TV about the Ripper absolutely paint the victims as "just prostitutes," and the cultural image of the Ripper is very much as a killer of prostitutes, rather than a killer of vulnerable women, some or all of whom were prostituted.

Moreover, it disregards a significant contribution she makes, which is her "rough sleeper" theory. That is, she suggests that many of the Ripper's killings were not initiated by him soliciting sex from his victims, then being taken somewhere private for the act, whereupon he killed them. She suggests that in actuality, at least Annie Chapman and Catherine Eddowes were killed while they were sleeping rough on the streets or while looking for somewhere to sleep.

This suggestion doesn't change the fact of their deaths, but it DOES put both the historical and contemporary approaches to the case to the test. As she points out, the press and police at the time had decided on the narrative that the Ripper was killing prostitutes specifically, helped along by the Ripper letters (such as the Dear Boss letter, quote "I am down on whores and shant quit ripping them til I do get buckled"). The narrative that prostituted women were nymphomaniac, criminal, and deserving of violence was incredibly popular at the time. Prostituted women are still considered a subclass of person meant to absorb the rapist and violent impulses of the male population, to this day. (Consider the "we need to legalize sex work or more men will start raping" or "why would you inflict a dangerous or gross kink on your partner, go to a sex worker" arguments.)

It is both fantastic and meaningful that Rubenhold chose to challenge the baseline assumption of the Ripper's approach and motive. This isn't to say that somebody already in the Ripperology community might not have made the same argument. The difference is that Rubenhold did it in a well-researched and sourced work of pop history that is readily accessible to others. Ripperologists defending their territory against a (nagging/complaining female) outsider miss the mark when they suggest that this work has already been done and she needed to just keep her mouth shut about it. In fact, it's quite common that arguments and information in highly specialized communities will be filtered to the larger population in this exact way; look at Charles Mann's 1491, which brought a great deal of specialist insider knowledge from precolonial history into a pop history setting, allowing it to disseminate. This is, in fact, why jobs like "science communicator" exist. 

[willowmosby]

I have over the last 5 months watched all 15 seasons and the immortality special of the original CSI. I have no plans to watch the reboot anytime soon so I thought I would info dump my thoughts, and if love to know how others feel. I will now present a very very long post with breakdown some quick thoughts on the seasons, more thoughts on most of the characters and a few ships.

Tldr: I really enjoyed CSI as a whole and I'm sad to say goodbye to a formula and some characters I've really grown attached to. ( And If there is a good Nick Stokes written into immortality fic please lmk)

Seasons:

I do think the early seasons the most fun/ light hearted, which feels weird to say when it literally opens with Sara investigating Warrick for negligence. I kinda wish I had blogged along or something so I could be more detailed in my response about them.

Like a lot of shows I think it really hit its stride in the middle seasons. If I had to pick a few seasons to watch it be 5-7. It also helps that I had finally gotten used to the lighting.

I think the 9- 11 stretch is too serious, don't get me wrong there were some bangers but overall not great

12-15 they were better and back to a little more fun, and I think the series kept its footing pretty well in its final innings. It was no golden era and I felt really bad that Catherine got demoted but I really enjoyed it. ( Well ok I really wasn' a gig harbor arc fan)

Immortality was a fine special, although I don't really feel like it stuck the landing. Part of that will probably become obvious when I talk about my character and ship takes but I also just felt the case could have been better. It's the freshest in mind, obviously, so I will say I really loved having Catherine and Grissom back and if anything I felt like it gave good closure for them and to a lesser extent Sara.

Characters( kinda in the order of their exit):

The lab rats: Bobby, Mandy, Archie icons every one of them. There is a world where Wendy, Hodges and Henry get their own sections but I feel like they would appreciate being in this group. Never pushed into too much melodrama their characterization, always great at their jobs. I would love to grab drinks with any of them

The cops: Brass will get his own sections but to summarize my feelings on all the others. They did their job and I love that for them. They almost never overstayed their welcome but they also aren't the reason I'm watching this show. The only two I would want to get drinks with are the should have been lesbian Sofia Curtis ( she almost got her own section but then i got lazy) and the best uniform in the business, the man, the myth, my man officer Mitchell.

Warrick Brown: My smooth talking gambling king. He was definitely missed after his death. While I didn't love his characterization in the greda Arc, I usually really enjoyed his dynamic with the team and his drive to the job. His death was the closest I came to stopping my watching. His skills with kids are underrated ( probably cause Nick and Catherine are so good) and I do have a say on top of all his intelligence and skills at the job he is so handsome. I think he might go a little too hard for me to enjoy getting drinks with him but I would still do it.

Gill Grissom: My second favorite Dr. Bug ( sorry no one can beat Jack Hodgins) he really is the smartest person on the show. You can always feel his passion for science which is lovely. While sometimes out of touch or oblivious he is usually incredibly kind. I liked his tie to the deaf community. You can pull the fact that he is Demi from my cold dead hands. In a lot of the ways he was the heart of the show and it definitely shows when he left. His relationships with Catherine, Warick, Nick and of course Sara were well developed. I would kill to get a drink with him just to listen to him talk science.

Riley Adams: she gets a section as it is rude for me to not mention a character who was in the credits but she's fucking white bread milk toast. Would not bother getting drinks.

Raymond Langston: I love his relationship with Robbins and I think he's incredibly smart. But I just think the show gave him way way too much too quickly. I mean just compare it to the fucking effort Greg put in to reach CSI or that as new CSI 3 there was a long stretch where Nick didn't get his own cases. I appreciated his complex background but he brought with him the Haskell arc which was just too fucking long and serious. I would get a singular glass of wine with him.

Catherine Willows: What a girl boss. And I mean that is all the best and worst ways. I really love her at her best but man some of her lows are just.. no fun. She is absolutely vital to the show's success and 9/10 times she is out there taking no prisoners and careing for her team. Just you know wish she hadn't shown her daughter a dead body or faked a crime scene with a new guy to name some examples. She could drink me under the table no doubt.

Jim Brass: While never my favorite character I always appreciate seeing him on my screen. Competent enough to hang with the scientist and still be a good cop. I appreciated how dedicated he was to his daughter but Just not personally my vibes. I would get a drink with him but uhh maybe make it non alcoholic cause it's unclear if he needs sobriety help.

Julie Finlay: She's sweet and very very good at her job. If she had come earlier on she might be one of my favorites just my top 3 was already filled. She brings a good balance back to the team, and she has a weird level of breaking and respecting the rules that I enjoyed. She very quickly had such a good dynamic with all the returning favs that there are moments I forgot she was so new. She's got big Bi & Poly energy. I know the actress wasn't coming back but I would've paid to see her interact with Grissom. Sad that she died off screen but also kinda glad they didn't end 15 with her completely dead. I would absolutely get drinks with her, probably mimosas despite my dislike for them.

Morgan Brody: eh shes fine. I feel like despite everything she still comes off as naive. I love her relationship with Eklie and Hodges but overall she left something to be desired. Nothing that I super disliked but I do kinda wish some of her screen time went to Sara or someone else.

D.B Russell: he was honestly a breath of fresh air, well until he wasn't. I think I just love Ted Dansion for one but also I felt like Russell was a beautiful balance between caring and professional. It was nice to have a supervisor who was actually kinda good at politics. I love that he actually cares for his kids and loves his wife ( although I was informed by my mother that he is divorced in Cyber). I do kinda wish the kept the bit where he laid on the ground as a body but mostly cause I found it way funnier than it is. I really hated the gig harbor killer arc and I felt like a large reason is it made him too serious. I would get a drink with him, but honestly I'd love to have a full meal with his family

Super Dave: what a lovable but weird dude. Genuinely a great example of how you can blend strange comments with kindness and consistency to create a great character. I would love to grab a drink with him.

Doc Robbins: What an honest man and in the running for the best M.E ( up there with Ducky and Cam). I'm glad he mostly stayed out of the drama and appreciated that he was always thorough, even when people were occasionally questioning his own work. Not kind to a fault but definitely empathetic. I would 100% grab a drink with him.

Now to the top 3, the best of the best, the ones who were in for the long haul.

Nick Stokes: Whether it's the sweet Texas accent and big bown eyes or the fact that he's the longest running main cast member I do think he is my favorite. Empathetic and kind, almost to a fault, he is also a man's man who can hold his own against the worst criminals. The show put him through the absolute fucking ringer but he still leaves with a smile on his face. Even when he clashes with other characters I feel like he resolves the problems better than other people. He definitely could have benefited from good therapy but I still love him anyway. His skills with kids are so nice and grounded in his backstory. Loved that he became the new big guy. Occasionally they try and paint him as a bit of a player but given he sleeps with like 2 women over 15 seasons it doesn't super add up. This is definitely the queer in me talking but he gives huge repressed Gay energy. Like a lot of his early arc is about graining confidence in himself. Not to mention,his relationship with Warrick and Greg are so filled with undertones and honestly let that man get fucked and some of his problems might go away. Anyway. So I guess more power to the actor for not coming back for even a cameo but I really really felt the lack of him in immortality. So If anyone knows a fanfic where he's there lmk I would read that shit in a heartbeat. Would get drinks with him, would die for him.

Greg Sanders: I love rave going lab rat Greg. I love the new CSI trying to prove himself to Greg. I love mob history author Greg. I mean he's got to be one of the most intelligent characters on the show- he's good at science and history- and it never makes him come off as rude or entitled. I think his shift from lab rat to CSI, whether intentional or accidental, is well built. He is criminally oh I mean so so so criminally underutilized in immortality. I dislike when he's angry and there are certainly episodes where he feels off but overall he's just so lovable. Disgusting hair choices but hey at least that was a consistent trait. His relationship with Nick and Sara throughout the whole show are really great and after 15 seasons they really do feel like they've been a team for 15 years. He gives Huge Bi energy so I would take him to a gay club for drinks and dancing.

Sara Sidle: You can call her a problematic fav all you want but she's a bad bitch and everyone should love her. She is so great at her job and she never lacks humanity. The show kinda lost track of her exact backstory at some point but I don't care too too much as she stays strong willed and passionate the whole show. Her will to never quit and iconic smirks will stay winning forever. I have thoughts on her relationship with Grissom but bottom line she knew what she wanted and got it. Her friendship with all the main cast, particularly Greg and Nick, is really lovely and shows how she has grown and changed over 15 seasons. Because I actually care about continuity I would not get an actual alcoholic drink with her but non alcoholic drinks aplenty would be had if I could meet her.

Ships:

Listen I don't have a real finger on the pulse of what ships are popular as this show finished airing 10 years ago and I was trying to not be super spoiled.

That being said

GSR: I'm not super into Grissom/ Sara ( side note I know the Internet was a different place 20 years ago but who picked GSR as their ship tag), but I'm also not against it. I think they have a big "match my freak" energy which is nice but. I don't know I just feel like by the end of it Sara could do better. Like she gave up the lab director for the guy who asked her for a divorce. I still think it's better than some other options just you know not like my otp. 8/10

Catherine/ Warrick: I think that the flirting was all fun and games and then if became too much. Let's be honest neither of them are built for committed relationships. Probably would have been better then whatever the fuck was happening with Warrick and Tina. 5/10

Catherine/ Vartann: its canonical and like they were fine I didn't hate it didn't love it. Probably better for Catherine in the long term than any other of her potential ships 6/10

Nick/ Greg: idk if this is super popular but it's my otp for the show. They seem like they bring out the best in each other. Nicks more clean cut natural could balance out the more chaotic ature of greg. Obviously with the era the show was made in I don't think that there tension was intentional but it's still there. From the name that chemical compound game to working together until the end of really think they would be great. 11/10

Nick/ Warrick: I had to mention for the just two dudes who have homoerotic tension energy but ehh Warrick dose really read straight to me in every other context. 3/10

Wendy/ Hodges: ehh they give straight white couple who should have just talked about their feelings. 4/10

Hodges/ Henry: is this a real ship? idk man, But it's an friends to enemies to lovers I would love to read. 6/10

Morgan/ Greg: ok part of this is the my ship bias( see above) but I did not like them together. Their flirting is not good, his anger at her kidnapping too extreme, idk I Just really feels like they operate in different levels. 0/10

Morgan/ Hodges: I actually thought this was really sweet and was super said they went with the parents dating thing. I think they understood each other on a really fun level and that they brought out the best in each other. I loved how supportive they were of each other even in seemingly poor decisions. 8/10

Finn/ D.B: I would assume that this is the popular het ship for the them but uhh D.B is so happily married and Finn ( much like Warrick and Catherine) doesn't really give monogamous relationship. 0/10

Finn/ Sara: 100% queer women projection but uhh just imagine post divorce Sara figuring out her identity with Finn and they try friends with benefits but then need more. 6/10

If you made it this far thanks so much for reading and id love to hear others thoughts as I do a deep dive into this show. I Will be reading plenty of fanfiction and may start CSI: NY to appease the new hole in my heart.

[yourwakingnightmares]

Jason Todd: Origins, Background, and Childhood

Hi there, yes it's me, crawling out of the woodworks to rant again. Hi.

So, lately I've seen a huge group of people insisting that Jason Todd is...

A) Not Angry Ever

B) Grew up happy and normal, and really, it's classist to assume otherwise.

Now, we're gonna start with this 'classist' bullshit and get it right out of the way. Because it's infuriating, tbh. I spent most of my childhood growing up in a trailer that rarely had running water or electricity because my mother would spend any money she got her grubby hands on, on cigarettes, booze, and drugs.

And I'm not unique, or a special case. According to one Harvard study (1), the highest use of opioid abuse happens "...concentrated in more economically disadvantaged zip codes, indicated by higher rates of poverty and unemployment as well as lower education..."

According to another study by National Bureau of Economic Research, (2) "... Poverty is concentrated in inner-city neighborhoods that are also characterized by high rates of drug use."

This doesn't mean, of course, that every person who is poor, or grows up in generational poverty, is going to use drugs, and abuse their spouse or children, obviously. Many people grow up poor, or even as victims of domestic violence themselves, and don't go on to be abusive, alcoholics, or drug addicts. But denying that there is a huge correlation between poverty and drug use, and domestic violence, is burying our heads in the sand. (Side note: yeah, this is kind of my soap box too for we really need to start doing something about the children growing up in poverty, but I promise, we're getting to Jason Todd.)

Now, as has been established conclusively in canon, Jason Todd grew up in Park Row, also commonly referred to as 'Crime Alley'. This is undeniably, and widely accepted, as the poorest neighborhood in Gotham, with the highest amounts of crime, drug use, homelessness, and prostitution. Essentially, not matter which continuity you're talking about, Crime Alley is a cesspit. This is where Jason Todd grew up, first with his parents, and then with just his mom, then by himself, as a homeless child.

Now, several people I've... ahem... discussed things with lately, have insisted that Willis Todd was really a lovely, lovely person, and that we have no evidence or proof that he was abusive, or an alcoholic. Let me introduce you to a series of comic panels that pretty clearly make the case otherwise.

Or this one...

Or this one, where it says, Willis probably loved his son:

Even a quick google search of Willis Todd will show that the panel above? The one where it says he probably loved his son? That's about the best Jason had. Sure, pre-crisis, Willis was probably great; of course, pre-crisis, Willis and Catherine were also circus acrobats, and Jason was just a blond-haired version of Dick. So I think we can safely say that saying, "Well, PRE-CRISIS..." is kinda pointless and redundant here.

Now, further on, we have Catherine's drug use. While this was made clear in more recent comics...

We also have hints and heavily implied drug use from the 80s comics as well, including this one:

So after growing up with this lovely bunch of dysfunctionality, parentification, poverty, emotional/mental abuse, and most likely physical abuse (or, in a best case, neglect), Willis goes to jail, and Catherine eventually dies of an overdose. Now, canon does get a little hard to follow here, as several sources state she was self-medicating with heroin to deal with her 'illness' (which is usually described as cancer), with others just stating that she used heroin, without giving a reason as to why. But regardless of the 'why' of her drug use... she overdoses, and leaves Jason alone, homeless, in the most violent, crime infested streets of Gotham.

So we've clearly established that, in most continuities, Jason grew up with at best, neglectful parents, at worst, abusive parents (and yes, parentifying your child into having to take care of you is abuse, do not do), and was then homeless for (depending on the continuity) anywhere from 1-3 years (some variations have Bruce picking him up at 11, some at 13, and it's listed as Catherine dying variously when he was 9, 10, and 12).

Now, I want you to imagine all of that. Just for a moment. I want you to try and put yourself into a young Jason's shoes.

When your father is around, he's violent, he yells, he beats your mother, and sometimes he beats you. But when he's around, he brings in enough money to keep food on the table. You have a roof over your head, you have food... At the cost of your physical safety, sure, but you know... He's there, and things are somewhat better.

But he goes to jail, and your mother spirals out of control. You're taking care of her, and really... Either you're stealing to pay for her drug habit, or she's selling herself to pay for her drug habit, and either way, that's gonna traumatize you, while you're trying to take care of her, because she's barely functional, barely even a person anymore.

But then she dies. And now you're all alone. You are -at best -a twelve year old boy, with no skills, no family, and no legal way of making money. You've got limited options, stealing, begging, or selling yourself (and we'll discuss that more in another post).

You survive this, as a child, for anywhere from a year, to three years. Meaning anywhere from an eighth to a quarter of your life, you spend scrambling to find a meal, scrambling to find some place to sleep, trying desperately to survive just one more day, so you can wake up and do it all over again tomorrow.

Now, most of us know at least one small child, or we've seen them in the store. The average ten year old male is about 50 inches tall. That's 4'2". For context, that's about the height of a hockey net. The height of an adult bike. Slightly shorter than the length of an average park bench. Take a moment, and think about a ten year old in your life. Or look at a picture of yourself at ten.

Think about being that little, that small, and having to take care of yourself while living on the streets. Of surviving a New Jersey winter. Imagine what you have to do, on a daily basis, just to survive. Imagine knowing that one bad day could literally mean you starve to death, or freeze to death, or get beaten by someone you have no hope of stopping. Again, in a best case scenario... this is your life for a single year. If we split for the average, you survive two years of this.

What would it take to survive that? What would it do to a young mind, still developing, still learning and growing, not even a teenager yet?

Guess what? Growing up like this? It doesn't create smol cute adorable beans who are happiness and sunshine personified. It doesn't create kids who never get angry, who are just perpetually happy.

Jason Todd was angry, long before he died, probably long before he became Robin. Anger isn't violent. These two things are not mutually exclusive. I can be angry about people starving, I can be angry about people abusing or neglecting their children, I can be angry about a lot of things, without being violent.

I've noticed a disturbing trend of Red Hood fans, who conflate 'Anger' to 'Violence', and can't seem to separate the two. These are the fans who insist that Jason isn't angry, he was only angry after the Lazarus Pit. (In a probably unrelated note, I've noticed these are the same people who insist that Jason's library is full of nothing but classical era feminist literature).

By saying that Jason's not angry, these people are erasing a big part of his characterization, and his early development. They are, in their own way, just as bad as the people who insist that Jason's just a violent little sociopath who kills just because he can. Neither of these extremes take into account Jason's early home life, growing up with domestic violence, then spending a significant part of his formulative years homeless, struggling to survive, and what that would do to a young mind.

[offshore-brinicle]

Other misc things:

- Chains of others gets the Gloom effect rather than Pride when Meur uses it in story. Given how he says outright he wishes to protect Heathcliff and how the idea of an unfair judgement [from Erlking judging that all Heathcliffs must die to the court in his novel] is a theme they both share.

- In the end scene, Rodya is at the back of the bus and seemingly in deep thought, can't remember her saying much in the later parts of the Canto either. Something must've hit her hard.

- Is the river under the Heights something connected to the 'stream of human consciousness' [paraphrased] that I believe was mentioned in lobcorp?

- We know boughs can be destroyed, but I wonder if one can be 'reactivated'. The one Dante hold onto in Pass On is charred black but still intact.

- To add to the parallels, Heath n Yi Sang both get stabbed in the heart by a bough, one by their own volition in an act of love, and another by someone else.

- Why does Demian remember Cathy. It's probably something to due to the stars but half the time I'm fairly certain he's just standing invisible somewhere during the story given how much he knows. But given the body and coffin were both still there, I doubt ctrl alt deleting someone fully erases them from everything.

OK answering one by one:

I LOVED THAT MOMENT SO MUCH. In general it was such a surprise and treat to see how much more active Meursault was in this Canto and I was wondering about the Gloom change unless I was just misremembering the color since Pride is also blue but thanks for confirming. Meursault......... It's also so so cool to see the EGOs being used for practical uses like restraining someone like Meursault does, it makes me wonder what it can be do with some of the others like for example Ishmael's anchoring with Snagharpoon or Yi Sang's teleportation in Crow's Eye View

Actually good point though she actually spoke quite a bit I think, mainly in the first part about the resentments she has towards the rich, and the moment she has when they're approaching the mansion that brings up her dark side to the others in full force even if just for a second. Since apparently she's gonna be the focus of next Intervallo I hope it means she's getting more character development...

I say "yes, most likely" as I talked in my previous answer, taking in count Hermann has an interest in it and finding "the prime form of humanity" and The Well they talk about is the origin of everything in the world and humanity itself and responsible for The Light and EGO and everything, it's not the first time there's been a physical entrance to it somehow, the other most notable one is the Black Forest in the Outskirts that comes up more in-depth in Ruina.

Yeah I wonder how it can even get "burnt up" in the first place and what they're even gonna do with it since getting the charred Bough is treated as a grey area of sorts between success and failure. I wonder just How it lost its power and how it can be reactivated though taking in count it's basically magic

I SEND AN ASK TO MY FRIEND ABOUT THIS TOO, the other party involved for each Heathcliff and Yi Sang's cases are also the two most important women to them and great symbols for their own nostalgia and overall arcs, and they are connected to them through flowers that carry symbolic meaning and are tied to their homelands. Heathcliff stabbing himself as an act of showing his love to Catherine is also interesting because Dongbaek's reason for stabbing Yi Sang could also be interpreted as being a form of love, but...marred with heartbreak and hatred and resentment for what happened to the League like in the original Wuthering Heights [edit cuz I forgor: this is something amplified by the fact that when she stabs Yi Sang she quotes the line from The Camellias where the protagonists fall in love together both physically and metaphorically], specially since she was so overwhelmed seeing him she went for him when she was going to initially attack Dongrang derailing her plans. How she talks about it when questioned adds to it too since she kind of justifies herself saying that Yi Sang wanted to die too and isn't spiteful like she is towards Dongrang even being calm seeing he was just fine despite her murder attempt (but also the fact that she was unphased by that still gets me. She's really got no sanity left), and she was correct in claiming Yi Sang was longing for death even if the moment left a big emotional scar on him, much like Heathcliff's heart was broken by Catherine and so he breaks it in a literal sense for her.

Honestly Demian is just Demian. He's a weird little guy and probably exists out of time or something tying to his star. It's probably for the same justification as to why Heathcliff and Dante remembered Cathy, and she's def not truly "gone" since they couldn't really erase the consequences of her actions and presence. Hindley and Linton are still dead because of her.

[circledemptiness]

Can't Get You Out Of My Head – Chapter 2

Fandom: Batman (Arkham Knight) Pairing: Edward Nigma (The Riddler) x Reader Rating: Explicit +18 Tags: Angst, Romance

Your mind spirals into painful memories of your last encounter with Edward, unearthing emotions you thought were buried for good. But when an unexpected turn of events disturbs the dreadful routine in Arkham, you might just see an opportunity to exorcise your demons.

✦ Chapter index ✦ Read on AO3

Hey Eddie, you’ve been inside my mind.

Dinner time at Arkham Asylum mirrors every other meal: chaotic, messy, sad, terrifying –or, on rare occasions, oddly calm. Tonight happens to be one of those calmer evenings, which you’re grateful for; it helps make up for the meal itself –not bad, not great. Tonight, it’s mashed potatoes, boiled vegetables, something resembling meat, and even some applesauce. Dennis coos happily as he swallows his plate, blabbering about his day and how the weather was nice enough for a walk in the courtyard. You promise you’ll go for a walk with him tomorrow, and the fucker smiles with the brighteness of a thousand suns.

While Dennis rambles on, you exchange a glance with the woman across from you. Her eyes are as hollow as yours, her hair a tangled mess that could pass for a bird's nest. You’re not even sure what her name is (Carol? Carmen? Catherine?) –nobody ever uses it. She absentmindedly drags her spoon through the mashed potatoes, tracing aimless shapes without ever taking a bite. As you swallow a spoonful of applesauce, you nod in her direction, gesturing toward her untouched plate with a tilt of your chin –a small, polite gesture to ask what’s up with her. You don’t actually care, not really, but you also don’t want to be anywhere near her if she has another one of her glorious meltdowns, hurling her tray and screaming bloody murder.

“Therapy day” she mutters under her breath with a disdainful sniff, and you nod again, a quiet understanding passing between you.

What is your relationship with Edward Nigma?

You’ve grown to passionately loathe therapy in Arkham. It never feels genuine –more like the doctors would rather dig into old wounds than truly help. After all, you're not one of Gotham’s most wanted criminals; you doubt your profile truly interests them. Thus, at best, therapy only touches scars you’d rather leave alone; at worst, it just adds more fuel to the fire of your criminal case. Maybe you're just exhausted from telling the same story over and over, recounting the absurd chain of bad luck and even worse decisions that landed you here. You’re not particularly fond of constantly hearing your own words, rehashing the tale of your failures.

Were you in love with Edward Nigma?

Your spoon scrapes against the plate as you finish eating, the sound cutting through the fog of your thoughts. Your expression hardens, brow furrowing as you stare at your empty tray, almost as if the leftover gravy could reveal the answer to a mysterious question you haven’t even formed yet. Or perhaps it’s taunting you, a remark left unsaid in the grease. Bird nest lady nods, and you shrug in response. You just want to go to fucking bed, you tell her.

“One of these days, uh?” she asks with a knowing grimace. Yeah, one of these days. 

There’s a special connection among the inmates of Arkham, well, among those who haven't completely lost their minds or forgotten their own names –the ones who still hold onto the hope of leaving this wretched place someday. You all understand how these walls suck the life out of you; you all feel like forgotten pieces of a puzzle no one cares to play with anymore, as if Gotham has draped a rug over you, pretending they never failed you in the first place. You’re almost resigned to the idea of rotting away; at times, you truly feel like there is no fight left within you, only bitterness and anger. It’s a particular sentiment that you also see in Carol’s eyes (fuck, is it Carol?), with her disheveled hair and darkened eyes that seem to scream “burn the world, burn it all down”.

Somehow, finding a semblance of companionship here, built on a foundation of mutual acknowledgment and understanding, soothes your nerves. You don’t need to explain yourself or feel any shame, no matter how broken you are. It makes counting the days, weeks, months, years easier. Helps keep your mind from drifting too far into thoughts about your life, the reasons that brought you here, about him.

Hey Eddie, I still can’t get you out of my head.

At some point, you could sense that something was breaking, cracking, within Edward when he started developing feelings for you –or at least, the nearest thing to what he might perceive as feelings. You can’t pinpoint the exact moment his façade started to truly crumble or what kind of anguish twisted in his gut, nor can you fully grasp the passion that stirred in his heart. All you know is that he resented it deeply, absolutely loathed being the victim of his own heart. For someone like him, emotions were probably a sign of weakness, a crack in the armor that he meticulously polished. Losing control over any given situation was something unbearable, perfectly unacceptable; the Riddler had to maintain total dominance at all times.

You wonder if he ever realized that this need for control is what ultimately kept him trapped in a cycle of loneliness, unable to embrace the very thing he craved the most; connection, intimacy, tenderness…

The most peculiar thing is that you’ve actually seen through the cracks of his vulnerability and caught a glimpse of an almost lovable man, deeply hidden beneath layers of bravado and utter arrogance; perhaps because you were yourself a creature of deep empathy, for better or worse. Or maybe it was because you weren’t as stable as you once believed –perhaps they were right to lock you in here after all. Though, as the days stretched into weeks, when you finally stopped showering him with undeserved love and care, the way he looked at you began to shift. Looking through his eyes, you sincerely couldn’t tell whether he absolutely loathed your guts or wanted to fuck and defile you with an almost primal urgency on the nearest surface.

You probably mirrored his gaze, though yours held more nuances –an unspoken asterisk that suggested a deeper layer beneath the surface. It doesn’t have to be this way, you wanted to tell him. Just let me in. What was he so afraid of?

Until the very end, you held the naive hope that there might be a happy ending to your internal struggles. The sheer tension between you two was palpable, a volatile mixture of warmth flickering in his eyes and biting insults thrown your way whenever you made a mistake. It only seemed to escalate, growing more intense with each encounter, until it only felt inevitable that something would eventually break and explode. 

You often imagined that it would end with you bent over a desk, surrendering to him completely as he passionately rearranged your insides, and, somehow, you would have genuinely accepted it.

If it meant he would finally be honest with himself, you would have accepted anything. Then, you could reveal the layers of hurt and confusion that plagued him. You could have worked from here, together. You could have taught him love –how to embrace vulnerability instead of shying away from it. You could have healed the wounds he had carried for so long, could have given him the tenderness and adoration that his life always lacked. You wanted to be the one to help him piece himself back together.

God, you’re so fucking stupid.

It’s always the worst when bedtime arrives and the lights go out. Sometimes, in the oppressive silence, you can hear one of the other inmates screaming or sobbing in the distance, haunted by their own nightmares, traumas, and fears. On your first night here, you were one of them –crying like a baby into your pathetic excuse for a pillow. Everything was so new to you, and everything hurt. But now, when the room is somewhat quiet and enveloped in darkness, you find yourself alone with your thoughts, and that’s the worst part.

You try the stupid breathing exercises the psychiatrist taught you, filling your mind with happy thoughts; do you even have any left? They quickly dissolve into a gray miasma, a swirling fog of anxiety and despair that seems to leak directly from your brain. Each breath feels heavier, and you wonder if there will ever be a time when the darkness outside doesn’t mirror the turmoil inside. In this stillness, you fight and struggle against the weight of your memories, the shadows creeping in, reminding you that peace feels painfully out of reach.

Eddie?

It was a night like any other, cold and damp, as you helped him with different tasks in the sewers beneath Gotham. The air down there was heavy and thick, carrying the familiar, pungent stench of decay and rot, but you’d grown so used to it that you barely noticed it, and even welcomed it, somehow. It’s a scent that sometimes reminded you of him. It was familiar now, it was comforting.

The narrow corridor where you stood stretched into an abyss of darkness, lit only by the occasional flicker of a dusty old lamp casting long, eerie shadows on the glistening, grimy walls. You could hear the distant rush of water trickling through the old tunnels, mixing with the faint hum of the busy city above you.

Tonight, you and Edward were installing an elaborate system of neon green lights, a perfect match for his obsession with branding everything he touched. His signature shade of green now bled into this hidden labyrinth, a domain he just claimed as his own. The neon tubes, connected by bundles of wires, snaked through the holes in the walls and arched over metal lines, glowing like toxic veins in this industrial tomb. 

You had grown accustomed to it by now –the way he had to leave his mark on every piece of the city, even its forgotten underbelly. Had you been more cocky, you would have said he reminded you of a petulant cat marking his territory. 

The task was tedious, involving the precise placement of electronic components he had designed himself. You handled some of the physical work while he stood at a makeshift control station nearby, calibrating circuits, his fingers working deftly over tangled wires. His voice echoed in the tunnel, giving you instructions in his usual clipped tone, though you’d long since stopped needing them. This was definitely not the first time you'd worked together, your movements in sync like clockwork, just another cog in the machine of his larger plan. He knew this as well, yet he kept reminding you of the different steps, as to ensure he was still in control –or to convince himself you still needed him. It bothered him, how compatible you were when working together, you could see it. Churned something deep in his stomach that he didn’t like, something too domestic for his own taste.

Along one of the walls of the tunnel, there was a massive iron door –a recent addition Edward had personally designed and secured. It stood imposing, thick and unyielding, its surface etched with equations and symbols only he could solve or know the meaning of. You knew it was his safe exit, his escape route, the only way in or out of this place without being detected. It opened up to the depths of Gotham’s underworld, where he could slip in and out with ease, hidden from the prying eyes of the Bat or anyone else who dared to interfere with his schemes. This was also the exit you would use to navigate through the sewers safely.

You finished fastening another neon light into place, wiping your brow with the back of your hand as a bead of sweat mixed with the dirt and grime on your skin. The green glow intensified, casting an almost otherworldly light over the area, turning the sewer into something between a hideout and a sanctuary; something sacred that only reflected his greatness (and oh would you have knelt for him). For a moment, you looked up, watching as he bent over the control panel, the green light reflecting off his goggles glasses, painting his face with a toxic, ethereal hue. 

When he caught you looking, you exchanged a look, filled with something almost tender. You said nothing. There was no need to. This was routine by now –a normal night in the bowels of Gotham, serving the Riddler’s grand design, where every inch of this space had his mark, and every flicker of neon green was a testament to his obsession. And yet something felt different, this time. He seemed calmer, not as angry as usual. So you took it as an opportunity –silly you. Exchanged looks during the night, a passing word that almost sounded friendly. He laughed, once; one of these chanting laughs that always made your heart skip a beat.

There was a comfortable silence between you as you finished the final touches, looking at the glowing cave before gazing at his form. He smiled at you, a shy line on his face that had a taste of truce.

And then, you heard them.

Sirens, several of them, shrieking through the night above, getting closer with each passing second. Panic hit you like a jolt of electricity as you whipped your head toward the end of the tunnel. Your heart raced, and you could already see the telltale flash of red and blue lights bleeding into the sewer's entrance. Dread surged through your veins, your body trembling with fear, but it was Edward who made your stomach drop.

He stood frozen, as if he had stopped breathing altogether, eyes wide and fixed on the distant lights. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You had covered your tracks so carefully, ensured no one would ever know what was happening beneath Gotham’s streets. Yet, here they were. You could almost see the gears in Edward's mind grinding to a halt, his normally sharp, calculating expression crumbling under the weight of his horror. So close to his goal, to launching his grand plan of revenge, and now… this.

But he’s the Riddler, Gotham’s one true genius, and he won’t allow anyone to stop him, stop his revenge, not when he’s come this far. You watch as he snaps out of his stupor, squaring his shoulders, his chest rising with a deep breath. And how handsome does he look when he’s pumped full of confidence, you thought to yourself. You know in your heart that you could have followed him anywhere, all he had to do was to guide and lead you.

In one swift, commanding motion, he points toward the control panel on the other side of the platform and gives his orders, his voice sharp, decisive. He’s already regained control; or at least the illusion of it. The gates at the entrance must be closed immediately. It won’t stop the police forever; they’re flimsy at best, more cosmetic than functional, but they might buy you both enough time to escape, you figured.

Without hesitation, you obey. Anxiety vanishes, replaced by the only purpose of following his lead. You act faithfully, loyally, your heart holding no fear. Even though police officers are already yelling in their megaphones at the entrance of the sewers. Even when they order you to freeze and surrender. Your hands move with practiced precision, flipping switches, pressing buttons; closing the gates just as the distant noise of megaphones echo through the tunnel. 

They’re still too far to reach you, but you know it’s only a matter of time before they stop you. The gates clang shut with a metallic echo, sealing off the entrance, though you know it’s only a temporary reprieve. The barrier will hold them back for a short moment, but it might just be enough for you to leave the place.

You both know this is just a weak, last-minute effort to erase any trace of your presence. There’s no real stopping them. But the time you’ve bought may be enough to slip away, to sever ties with this portion of the sewers, and to vanish before the police can arrest you. And so you work, side by side with him, as the distant shouting grows louder, your escape narrowing with each fleeting second. 

Glancing back, you catch sight of Edward standing by the heavy iron door –the only true escape. It groans under the weight as he turns the large, rusted wheel, his grip firm and strong. It’s a door built to withstand anything, a final layer of security. You offer him a small smile, a reassurance, as you hastily gather your last few items from the grimy floor, preparing to join him.

But then, something freezes you in place.

You look up again, and his expression hits you like a punch to the gut. Anguish. Sadness. Guilt. It’s written all over his face, emotions you never expected to see from him. Your heart sinks, your shoulders slump, and you don’t even need to ask, you already know.

The realization crashes over you like a wave –he’s not planning to let you out.

Edward’s fingers tighten around the wheel, his lips pressed in a thin line as he averts your gaze and seals the door behind him, locking it shut with a heavy metallic thud that echoes through the tunnel. He knows the police will break through the flimsy gates with ease. Knows that the only thing that truly can buy him enough time... is you. A cruel, desperate choice. He knows that, for the police, having you is better than leaving with nothing at all.

You don’t fight. You can’t. Instead, you sink slowly to the cold, damp ground, the weight of the moment pressing down on you. Your mind goes quiet, numbed by the shock and betrayal. You don’t even hear the pounding at the gates, the crash as they finally break them open, the vicious shouts and commands.

In fact, you hear nothing at all.

Eddie?

The next morning, your body feels like it's made of bricks –heavy, stiff, weighed down by an invisible force. Your eyes are puffy, sore. You probably cried in your sleep again. Fucking nightmares. You sigh deeply, a weak trembling sound that bubbles in your throat akin to a whimper. The air is getting colder now, you realize. It’s already October, even though times and dates don’t seem to mean much to you anymore.

Breakfast is the same dreary routine: the same tasteless food, the same sense of emptiness, surrounded by the same shattered souls. You don’t touch your tray, you can’t; your stomach is tied in a knot, pulling so viciously you swear your innards could spill if you swallowed anything. “Don’t throw up in front of me” Carol threatens, but you know it’s her own way to tell you she cares, at least enough to see when you’re not alright. You scoff in false irritation and she smiles triumphantly; you wish it would be enough to soothe your soul, these small yet so particularly humane interactions.  

Despite the heaviness of your morning, something seems different today. You sense it in the air, the nervous energy buzzing around the inmates, their excitement palpable. They’re pacing, gathering in front of the hobby room’s small, dusty television, crowding it like it’s some kind of altar. Some of them whisper with each other, some of them even snicker, and all it does to you is pique your curiosity. Joining the mass, you frown, raising a curious brow, wondering what the hell is going on.

Squinting your eyes, you spot Dennis near the front of the group, staring at the screen with an almost religious intensity, his hands clasped tightly together, his face contorted into an unreadable expression. It’s hard to see the screen with so many bodies blocking your view, the low hum of whispers filling the room like a sinister background noise. It’s as if they’re all sharing some dark, unspoken secret. You push through the sea of inmates, and when you finally reach him, you tug at Dennis’ arm, snapping him out of his trance.

“What’s going on?” you murmur, leaning in as his hot breath brushes against your ear. His voice is soft, but something about it sends a chill down your spine.

“They’re coming.”

Fucking Dennis. His mind’s too far gone to make sense of anything, but there’s a weight to his words that unsettles you. You shake it off as you groan, squinting harder, stepping through the crowd until the sight on the screen makes your heart stop, then race again –pounding with adrenaline and something darker, something you can’t quite name.

There they are. Gotham’s most infamous criminals, caught last night by the Bat. Crane. Dent. Valentin. Cobblepot. Tetch. So many others, glaring at the camera when they’re not looking elsewhere, avoiding any contact, pretending nothing around them exists. And then, there’s him. Your breath stops, the blood pumping in your veins the only sound you can hear. His mugshot flashes on the screen –his face bruised and bloodied, his arrogant sneer wiped clean, replaced by a weary, furious stare. You feel a vicious satisfaction curl in your chest. Yeah, he ate shit alright. And for some reason, that makes you so fucking ecstatic. 

The asshole refused to call an attorney, as expected of him you suppose, deciding to defend himself instead. It’s almost laughable, how predictable he is. Still, you huff quietly, a bitter grin spreading across your face as the news roll, spurting informations that don’t reach you. Then, the reality of the situation truly sinks in. They’re all being sent to Arkham Asylum, pending trial.

You’re going to see him again.

The grin freezes on your face, a strange knot tightening in your gut. You’re not entirely sure how you feel about that; as if your body emptied itself of all emotions in a second, the shock too great to process. So, you do nothing. Instead, you turn, walking out of the hobby room, your mind a chaotic mess. Dennis follows you, blabbering about something frantic and unclear, something you don’t care to hear right now. Then, suddenly, his hand clasps around your wrist. You stop, turning sharply, glaring at him with an intensity that could cut through stone. His face remains blank, undeterred by your silent fury, but his brow is furrowed with something akin to concern.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice softer than you expected.

Fucking Dennis. You force a smile, and that’s all he needs. He releases your wrist and skips off, humming a tune you don’t recognize, while you stand there, frozen in place.

Hey, Eddie. I can't get you out of my head.

Previous chapter ✦ Next Chapter

[celestialbooks]

If you like this song, try this book

Haven't you ever listened to a song and thought Man, I wish I could read a book like this song! Well, allow me to make your day and give you FIVE song-to-YA book recommendations.

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1) SONG-to-BOOK: That's so True by Gracie Adams to The Naturals by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

The Naturals is a YA murder mystery book/series by JLB in which a group of teens make up a secret FBI task force and assist their "handlers" in solving serial killer cases. But my god, JLB writes this book so well. Her understanding of the complexity relationships is chef's kiss. If you loved the dreamy, yet harsh lyrics and beats of That's so True, don't sleep on The Naturals! And, forgive me, but That's So True gives off such Micheal and Cassie vibes.

Remember how I died/When you started walking/That's my life/That's my life

Like, you CANNOT tell me that Michael DIDN'T sing this in his head when he thought of Cassie.

2) SONG-to-BOOK: Heads Will Roll by Yeah Yeah Yeahs to Heartless by Marissa Meyers

When I listen to this song, I think of Catherine. That's it. That's the summary. I can so clearly envision Catherine singing this song it's not even funny. If you love the techno beats of the song and the lyrics, Heartless is THE book to read. Heartless is a Victorian-style Alice in Wonderland prequel. The book follows Catherine, the daughter of a marquess, who is - against her will - engaged to the King of Hearts. This book was so good, and I wasn't expecting it. Like, Catherine and Jest? Perfection. I don't want to spoil this book, but this song can be applied to Catherine at two points of her life. When she found out she was supposed to marry the King of Hearts, and when her love died.

The men cry out the girls cry out/The men cry out, oh no Off, off with your head/Dance, dance til you're dead (dead)/Heads will roll

3) SONG-to-BOOK: Trouble by Valerie Broussard to Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

This song describes Six of Crows so well that I'm starting to think it's a conspiracy. If you love the background beats, the kind of gothic-dark-ominous-angry vibes of the song, and the strong vocals, Six of Crows is perfect for you. It follows Kaz Brekker, the teenage unofficial leader of the Dregs and nightmare of the Barrel. He brings together a group of five teenagers with special skills and "employs" them on a mission to break into the impenetrable Ice Court. The six teens each have their reasons for joining this mission, and because all of them are so, so traumatized, angry, angsty, and scary, they fit this song perfectly. No, but actually. Like, I want to wrap Kaz in a hug, and Jesper my precious. Inej my beloved, Wylan, you crazy pyro, Nina my strong baby, and RIP Matthias.

We wear red so they don't see us bleed/Hundred dollar bills under our sleeve/We intend not to sleep 'til we're dead/Drink our problems right out of our heads

4) SONG-to-BOOK: Paris is Burning by St. Vincent to The Gilded Wolves by Roshini Chokshi

Okay, wow. This song, this book? Bewitching. That's the only word that can be used to describe both, even individually. If you love the strong melody, haunting vocals, and killer lyrics, you are SERIOUSLY missing out on The Gilded Wolves. The Gilded Wolves is a historical fantasy novel that follows a diverse group of talented outcasts on a heist to claim their rightful inheritances. Led by Séverin Montagnet-Alarie, the team navigates a world of dark magic, ancient artifacts, and dangerous secrets as they unravel a mystery that could change the course of history. This book was so haunting and was on my mind for WEEKS after I read it, and the song pairs perfectly with it. This song reminds me of all the characters mixed into one, and their cumulative anger at their circumstances. My poor babies NEED things to go well for them, okay? The Gilded Wolves is dark, gothic, and lyrical, with witty humor and excellent world-building. If you love Paris is Burning, it truly cannot get better than this book.

We are waiting on a telegram to give us news of the fall/I am sorry to report, dear Paris is burning after all/We have taken to the streets in open rejoice, revolting/We are dancing a black waltz, fair Paris is burning after all

5) SONG-to-BOOK: Carousel by Melanie Martinez to Caraval By Stephanie Garber

Carousel fits Caraval so well but in an underrated kind of way. if you love the hardcore-dream feel of the song with its tough beats and dreamy-hard lyrics, READ CARAVAL! I promise you won't be disappointed. Caraval follows Scarlett Dragna as she and her sister, Donatella, travel to the faraway, once-in-a-lifetime, and mysteriously adventurous Caraval. But as soon as the two sisters arrive, Donatella gets kidnapped. And though Scarlett knows that everything that happens during Caraval is only an elaborate performance, it doesn't feel like it.

Oh, come, take my hand/And run though playland/So high, too high at the carnival/And it's all fun and games/'Til somebody falls in love/But you already bought a ticket/And there's no turning back now

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Happy reading to you guys! I hope you enjoy the books I've listed with the songs, and I genuinely hope you give them a try. Some of these books are so underrated, and they deserve all your love. See y'all next time!

[butterflywithsass]

Ineffible Literature (Songs of Innocence and Experience)

So i've had this thought for awhile of going in depth into books that I think Crowley and Aziraphale would like, and dicussing them in context of that. Yay, my two special interests, good omens, and literature. Anyway, Aziraphale obviously loves books, but I would happen a gander that Crowley has a selection of some favourites too. Yes, I know he had no idea Jane Austen wrote novels, and he did say he "never reads books," but I would argue that in the case of Jane, it's like one of those instances where if you're freinds with someone you actually have no idea what they do outside of your social circle. Jane Austen never got to see her name in print, so honestly even if Crowley had read her books, he might not have known she'd written them. And, if Jane Austen was a "dark horse," as Crowley says, and a master spy, than it's likely she would have kept her two personas seperate on purpose. In the case of when Crowley says he "never reads books," it's just after Aziraphale has found Agnes's book in the back of his car, and it reeks to me of a hasty denial.

Anyway, buckle up. My first thought was William Blake's "Songs of Innocence and Experience," first published in 1794. In this book of poems, Blake devided them into sections, with the specific itent to be showing the reader than two seemingly opposite things could co-exist together. Sound familiar?

As you can see from this cover, the book was highly illistrated. Each page was made from a carefully handcrafted copper plate, and then colored by hand. Blake did this himself, alongside his wife, Catherine. The copies were made by commission, rather than printed on-mass. Today, they are incredibly expensive, but I'd bet that Aziraphale has more than one in his collection. If you want to know more about this printing process, here's a link to it.

A bit about his life. Blake was born in Soho, and died in Sharing Cross. He would have been active a few years before Aziraphale opened his own bookshop, but it's likely Aziraphale would been in the booksellers/printers/London literary scene for a while before 1801, which, I beleive the year A.Z. Fell and Co opens. In 1793, the year before Blake publishes Songs of Innocence and experience, Crowley says, "I thought you were opening a bookshop." Meaning Aziraphale has been based in Soho a few years now at least. As for Blake, he was considered a bit of a hippie at the time, and disliked most forms of organized religion. Despite this, however, he was incredibly spiritual, and the Bible had a profound impact on his life. He started out as an artist, apprenticed to an engraver where he studied the work of Michealangelo and and Rapheal. After an altercation near an Abby, Blake began to claim he was receving visions. Though he received a classical art education, he was disagreement with many of his fellow students.

As a printer, he sold works of Mary Wollonsoncraft (later Mary Shelley) and seemed to be a great fan of her work. They shared similier views on women's sexual liberation, but we don't know if they ever met.

Another work he often sold was Dante's Divine Comedy, which influenced his art as well, and later in life tried to complete his own series of watercolors for Dante's epic.

As for his personal life, Blake was devoted to his wife, Catherine, who at the time of their marriage was illiterate. He, however, taught her how to read and write, and it was she who lovingly colored in his prints, as they worked in partnership to produce Songs. There's a beautiful story, where at the end of his life he was in the middle of trying to finish his Dante series, turned to her and asked to paint her portrait crying, "Stay Kate! Keep just as you are – I will draw your portrait – for you have ever been an angel to me." He died the next morning, and the portrait as since been lost.

Now, I think the connection to Aziraphale is obvious. They likley would have known each other, and Aziraphale would have been a prized customer during the early years of A.Z. Fell and Co, probably coming to Blake for prints. Given Blake's spiritual side and his visions, it's probably not unlikely that he may have received some 'divine inspiration,' from Aziraphale once or twice.

This is further hinted at if we explore the poems themselves. Most of Blake's somes have lots of rhyme and are quite sing-songy, often incorporating the voices of children like a book of nursery rhymes. As in keeping with the time, the poems can be quite religious in nature. Just take a look at the "The Lamb"

However, alongside poems like this, are more solemn poems, one which caught my eye in particular.

"I wept both day and night, and hid from him my heart's delight." This poem reads to me, like someone who is afraid of love. "I dried my tears and armed my fears, with ten thousand shields and spears." Because of the speakers inability to accept love and be vulnerable, "my angel came again, I was armed, he came in vain." In the end, the speaker rejects the love and comfort the angel brings. Though the term, 'angel,' might distract you, this poem (at least to me) is very applicable to Aziraphale as the speaker, and how he seems to be closed off in many ways. It's an interesting veiled poem which I think he would have felt safe reading. On one side, it delivers a religious message which would have been accepted in heaven that god can only reach you if you reach out for god, and that stuff, but I think it would had a deeper meaning for Aziraphale in particular. Alot of these poems are in conversation with each other, such as this one, which appears earlier in the book than "the angel," called, "On another's sorrow"

Here, it seems that someone is seeing a freind suffering, but is unable to help. Wikipedia says this is the only poem written in Blake's own voice, but I couldn't discover what source this is based on, and it's not something my professor ever mentioned (unlike what most of what been saying here is) To me, this feels like a perfect thread for a fanfic author to follow. Blake's freindship with Aziraphale may have inspired this poem. who knows.....

Anyway, on to Crowley, and how he might be connected with this. At first glance, this doesn't seem like Crowley's type of literature, but let's keep in mind that Blake was a radical for his time, and was very political. Some scholars have called him one of the forerunners of anarchism. He was deeply dissolusioned with modern life, opposed slavery and industry and war, and was a believer in what might later be called "free love." Though he wouldn't have been what we today might call a femanist, he did believe in equality for women within a marriage.

He hated Calvanism and puritanical ideology, which the time was preaching about original sin, and predeterminism. Basically, the idea that sinners and virtuous people are decided before they are even born. Rather than gaining access to heaven or being damned to hell through the actions of your life, they are decided by god since birth, and there isn't anything you can do about it.

This poem is almost blasphemous, which I think Crowley would have enjoyed. I think he would have read Songs just to fuck with Aziraphale and so they could have something to bicker about. I think Songs would have filled up several dinner dates worth of conversation between the two, especially in light of the recent revolutions happening all around them at the time.

There's some poems that might also be a bit for personal to the both of them, too.

These three poems are expressions of heavenly love, earthly love, and human love.

I'd like to look specifically at the first two. In the first, called, "My pretty rose tree," the speaker is offered a beautiful flower, only to turn it down because he already has his own rose to return to, but which spurns him with thorns. It's generally been thought to represent human love, given the notes of possession and temptation, and what are Crowley and Aziraphale really, but too human to belong anywhere else.

Secondly, the poem about the sunflower, which represents divine love. The speaker talks about the sunflower which must always reach for the sun, aka, heavenly love. Blake says in the end that those "shrouded in snow, arise from their graves and aspire, where the my sunflower wishes to go."

This reminds me of an interesting letter from one of Blake's freinds about the moment of his death. Blake seemed transported, as if seeing things no one else could. Heaven opening up to welcome him and angels guiding him away and stuff like that. I like to think that Aziraphale may have visited his old freind at his final moments.

But I also think this poem touches on Aziraphale from Crowley's point of view in an interesting way. If in Crowley's eyes, Aziraphale is "my sunflower," than he seems to be discribing how the sunflower can only look at the sun, unable to see anything else, but is ultimatly unable to reach heavenly love (or be accepted by heaven)

This poem is about a little vagabond who sees two types of people on Sundays, those who go to church, and those who drink, and thinks, rather hilariously, that perhaps more people would go to church if they provided alchohal. My analysis of this poem isn't particularly deep, but I think it's totally something Crowley would have argued.

Then, there's two poems which would have hit harder.

It's a bit hard to read because my picture is bad, but it discribes how a child is punished and abused by a preist for setting "reason up for judge of our most holy Mystery." This is the moment when I decided to write about this on tumblr as this quote just screamed Ineffible Plan. The child is "stripped," "bound," and "burned in a holy place," for using reason against god's "Mystery." Kind of the like the way Crowley fell for asking questions, huh. The preist discribes it as a "Holy Mystery," but I think Crowley and Aziraphale might call it Ineffible.

Once again, sorry for the quality. The poem tells the story of a young girl who is punished by her father for falling from innocence and expressing forbidden sexual desires. The first few words are incredibly interesting, where Blake addresses readers from the future and says, "Know, that in a former time, love, sweet love, was thought a crime." Blake is obviously referencing Eve, which would have held bitter and sweet memories for Crowley, as he is, in some way, responsible for the 'fall' of Eve, and the persistent persecution of women after by christian society.

In the poem, the maiden feels "safest," in the arms of her young lover, but when confronted by her father's "loving look, like the holy book, all her tender limbs with terror shook." The discription of "loving," here, strikes with a particular tone of irony.

Crowley had played with all types of gender, and thus would have been familier with sexism first and second-hand, especially the shame which was commonly put on women for their 'purity' or lack there-of. Blake puts these two poems together to show how the Christian church hurts the youth of both sexes differently, but I think Crowley can relate to both.

Now, all of this is interesting, but doesn't mean that Crowley would ever have met Blake personally. But, if we take a look at the most famous poem of Blakes, there might be some clues of direct influence.

I think even people not very familier with Blake will have heard fragments of this poem. "In what distant deeps or skies, burnt the fire of thine eyes?" Interesting...interesting.

Who do we know who has eyes like fire?

Blake also here, doesn't draw conclusions about whether it was the "deeps" aka hell, or "skies," aka, heaven. The Tyger he discribes, is a direct response to the poem ealrier in the book which was also the first poem I shared in this post, "The lamb." Blake asks "Did he who made the Lamb make thee?"

It's another one of Blake's 'paired poems,' harkoning back to his original thesis "Innocence and Experience," not Innocence or experience, but both together.

"When the stars threw down their spears And water'd heaven with their tears:"

lol it's gettin to easy to compare this now. So let's move on.

This doesn't prove that Blake ever met Crowley, as it could be a discription he heard from Aziraphale....which holds even more implications.

And Finally. My grand finale for anyone who read this far.

This is actually the title of a series of poems written before Songs of Innocence and Experience. Inspired by John Milton's "Paradise Lost," it has an incredibly favourable portrayal of hell and the devil

In his section "Proverbs of Hell," Blake has many seemingly contradictory lines, and some interesting easter eggs, such as "The tygers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction."

...well.

Here's another interesting bit, "Without Contraries is no progression." extremes "are necessary to Human existence."

"From these contraries spring what the religious call Good & Evil. Good is the passive that obeys Reason. Evil is the active springing from Energy.

Good is Heaven. Evil is Hell"

Here's a plate.

"Thus, Angel who is now become a Devil is my particular freind." It's unclear whether Blake is writing from his own voice here, he may be writing from the voice of a character. This sounds to me, just like Aziraphale, like in how it stresses the Angel, which became a Devil, just like Aziraphale saying, "You were an angel, once."

And finally, let's address the title.

Yes, I know marriage in the title is metaphorical, but come on. He could have used something like, "union," or something similier. If I know anything from two years of formal poetry education, it's that a poet is never unaware of connotations, and the subliminal images certain words create. The word was written for a reason, to create just that effect, and honestly, this shot looks like it belongs to one of Blake's watercolors.

Let me know if you want me to keep doing with with other works.

[sasheneskywalker]

batfamily fic recs where original characters are main characters

The Pros and Cons to Digging Your Own Grave by vermillion_crown

[+] Well, at least you know where it is.

[-] Like you don't have enough to do already.

Or another tough debate on which is worse: falling to your death from about 100 ft up onto wet concrete, or experiencing the still nebulous but unspeakable horrors of child trafficking?

Given the bluff profile of the average 10-year-old, maybe the terminal velocity can be increased significantly if that 10-year-old curls up during descent? While undesirable, instantaneous death still ranked higher than drawn-out suffering and mental trauma (if not also death). At least, that's the personal evaluation here. No prescribing this scenario's weightings onto anyone else.

So, the only thing left to do with that solved is to start climbing; bat-people have a schedule to keep, after all.

(The smart thing to do, when in way over your head, is to avoid trouble when you see it—animal-themed vigilantes first and foremost. But sometimes, they are the lesser evil.)

(Dick Grayson pulls a Bruce, gets bullied by a child, more at 11.)

T | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Dick Grayson & Original Male Character(s), Barbara Gordon & Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon & Original Male Character(s), Tim Drake & Original Male Character(s), Undisclosed Relationship(s)

Singing in the Dead of Night by shesgotthespirit

Bodies are dropping in Gotham--children, brain dead and tortured, numbered and tagged like cattle. The Bats are on the case, but with little to no physical evidence left behind, they’re faced with more questions than answers. But when a mysterious metahuman involves herself in the case, the investigation turns in a new, disturbing direction--and it turns out she might need their help just as much as they need hers.

OR

“Has anyone else noticed that the cooling-off period between Bruce’s dubiously-legal child acquisitions seems to be getting exponentially shorter?”

M | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain, Tim Drake & Original Female Character(s), Bruce Wayne & Original Female Character(s), Cassandra Cain & Original Character(s), Dick Grayson & Original Female Character(s), Damian Wayne & Original Character(s), Batfamily Members & Original Female Character(s), Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & Original Female Character(s)

Mama's gonna buy you a Mockingbird by Blazonix

Your name is Catherine Todd. It’s not the name you went to sleep with last night, but that’s the name printed on the ID card tucked away in your bra. It took a while to find because you were a bit distracted by the fact you have a completely different face.

Not Rated | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Catherine Todd & Jason Todd

oh, well imagine by blenderfullasarcasm

A union.

For goons.

A goon union.

A…goonion?

…Eh, beats customer service.

T | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | No Relationships

Reddit Posts of a Crime Alley Kid by Beachfox

Conrad's just your average 20 year old Crime Alley street-rat. He's no one special. Just another (Second) Robin worshiping, baseball bat wielding, Hench Work avoiding, homeless kid wrangling, street patrolling, Red Hood work for-ing, formerly homeless gay street-punk thug.

And sure, there's that time Robin slammed him off a wall hard enough to change his life, and that time he accused Batman of murder, and the time his sister Joker Gas bombed a playground. And sure, most of his family are active Henchmen for various Rogues, and sure Red Hood seems like he might be flirting with him, and sure despite his best efforts the Bats keep showing up in his life more and more often. But he's still just a normal average guy.

He also has a crippling Reddit addiction.

Alternatively

A character study of a hot trashfire of a human being in the DCUniverse as told through his many many Reddit posts.

T | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Jason Todd/Original Male Character(s), Batman & Robin - Relationship

Nay, I Can't Resist Thee by Gement

"If that's what you're up for, 'kay." Oh god, he'd embarrassed Batman. Zach was too far gone on adrenaline and panic to shut up. "But I'm a masochist, and you're Batman. Look, I'm sorry. I know that makes it weird."

The one where a total stranger asks Batman to hit him in the face and, against all odds, this is an effective meet-cute strategy. It spirals out from there. Way, way out.

(Come on in, the water's fluffy-kinky-queer.)

E | No Archive Warnings Apply | Bruce Wayne/OMC, side Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne, side Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne

[mrbensonmum]

TV Show - CSI: Las Vegas

As mentioned in the last post about Dr. House, I felt like watching a crime series. The temptation was strong because Prime added the first three seasons of Rizzoli & Isles to its program. But I decided to go with CSI: Las Vegas because it's been longer since I last rewatched it compared to Rizzoli & Isles.

Right in the first two episodes, I notice a lot of details, and I might end up writing a lot about them. Let's see how long I can keep it up!

One thing that stands out right away is the age of the series. And by that, I don't mean a specific year but the aspect ratio, which is still in 4:3. 16:9 will come later, but I can't remember exactly when. I'm curious to find out.

Catherine Willows already shows character traits here that will later drive me crazy. I remember finding her very demanding in the later seasons. She always comes up with arguments to bend the rules so she can break them later. However, in the successor format CSI: Vegas, she becomes interesting again.

During the autopsy scene where Grissom and Nick help, you could see the eyes of the millionaire blinking. I always find such details interesting. Sometimes you can see the "corpses" moving their chests, the carotid artery pulsating, or a body part moving. If I remember correctly, some shots use a still image to avoid such mistakes.

We still miss important characters like Super Dave and Doc Robbins. But one person we see very early on is the firearms specialist Bobby!

I also noticed Grissom's mood during the dummy experiments, which reminded me why I find him so intriguing. He's a man of facts, and as the series progresses, he becomes less and less able to deal with society and its quirks.

Voices are another topic because we have two very distinctive voices right from the start, one of which stays with us. Holly Gribbs is voiced by Sandra Schwittau, who is the German voice of Bart Simpson, played by Nancy Cartwright. Nick Stokes (George Eads) is voiced by David Nathan, who is not only one of the most distinctive German voices but also the regular voice of Johnny Depp and Christian Bale.

I'm thrilled to be back in Vegas, to see how everything unfolds, what cases they work on, and what questions arise. Because I already have one question: Even though Warrick was overseeing Gribbs since she was new, no one asks what happened to the officer at the crime scene where Holly was shot. Sure, Brass was reassigned, but that's about it. I find it extremely strange. (Although I'm aware that this is used to show the tragedy surrounding Warrick's character!)

Otherwise, the first season is always the most interesting because this is where the series is still finding itself, and many things are still changing. There's a lot to discover and admire, especially when it comes to the development of the characters.

I'll also thoroughly enjoy all the special effects because many of them were created without CGI, and practical effects are still among the best because they are tangible and provide a sense of depth that CGI simply can't achieve. I know, it's a big debate, but it's like photography. Digital photography is great, no doubt, but that final step to achieve exactly what's possible in analog photography is still missing. It's not much, and I know both sides very well, but it's just that tiny bit that's still missing!

In the German version, when Nick talks to Sanders, it's briefly mentioned or asked if Sanders is already playing the "Football game on Dreamcast." Once again, it shows that someone involved in writing the dialogue didn't have a clue. That always annoys me. Either video games look terrible in movies/shows, or they mix up everything and leave out details.

[lauveshifting]

Lauve's Valentine's Day

I wrote this like 2 years ago I think, but sharing it here as well. This is based on one of my desired realities even if I don't think this is how it will happen in my desired reality.

True love; it’s something rare, that not everyone gets to experience. It can be a bit scary, maybe terrifying for some. In a few cases, it can even be painful. However, if there is one thing that always defines it, it’s the lack of limits. Whether it’s time, space; true love is beyond that. This is what makes it so special and beautiful, the reason why everyone hopes to reach it someday. The story of Steven Grant Rogers and Laura Catherine Barnes is about this kind of love.

Their story begins in the forties, before Steve was known as Captain America. He was just that small kid from Brooklyn; brave and persistent, but not physically strong enough to win a fight. No women were interested in him yet. None, except one; Laura Barnes, but he wasn’t aware of that.

Even now he still doubts she feels the same way, when it’s obvious to everyone else around them. He might be stronger and taller than back then, but when it comes to her every inch of his confidence disappears. So many times, he has tried to find the right words to confess his feelings, speaking in front of his mirror, only to end up sighing heavily as he plopped down on his chair, defeated. He believes nothing he says is good enough, but this time he has to come up with something. He finally agreed to tell her how he feels after many attempts from their friends to convince him, but he still questions if it’s a good idea. If the love isn’t mutual, it could ruin their friendship. That thought terrifies him. Laura has been the only constant thing in his life: she has been by his side since the forties, they had to adapt to a whole new world together, no bond is stronger than the one they have.

A light smile grows on his face as he remembers the first time he realised he would always be able to count on her: the day he was injected with the serum. She was petrified, more than him, however she had put a brave face on to reassure him. Steve saw right through it. How could he not? She wasn’t good at pretending not to be scared, her whole body was trembling and you could see fear in her eyes. And even if she would have managed to dissimulate it, the way she hugged him tightly before the experiment started couldn’t lie. Nor how she ran back into his arms as soon as he got out, her hold even stronger. She hadn’t paid attention to how different he looked, she only realised it once in his embrace.

“Did it make you taller?” She had asked, lifting her head up to face him.

A slight chuckle had escaped Steve’s mouth. “Yeah, I think it did.”

His ocean blue eyes were full of love and affection as he held her gaze, but he wasn’t aware of that himself. He only realised much later, when they were on the verge of death. She had put her hand on his, knowing there was no other solution while he was desperately trying to find a way to save her.

“Steve, it’s okay.” Her voice was calm as she spoke, and as he finally dared to look at her, he realised how serene she seemed. She had accepted her fate.

 He had looked back down, not being able to face her any longer. “I’m sorry. I failed to protect you.”

“You didn’t. We’re together, it’s all that matters.” She had replied, squeezing his hand softly.

She was right about that. He can’t imagine a reality where he would have woken up without her by his side.

Remembering all these memories inspired him. The words begin to flow on the paper as he writes his speech, opening his heart to her, only stopping when a knock on the door interrupts him.

“Sorry to disturb you. I’m just bringing this.” Tony says, placing the USB key on the desk. “Thought you might want to check it out before showing it to her.”

Steve nods thanking his friend as he escapes the room. Steve finishes his sentence before taking his laptop and the USB key. He plays the video, beaming as he watches the compilation of him and Laura dancing together. Most of these were taken at the end of Tony’s parties when everyone else was either gone to bed or talking in small groups, but Steve and Laura enjoyed these moments where they could dance to older and slower songs, like they used to do back in the forties.

A few rooms across from where he is, in Wanda’s bedroom, Laura just came back from her shopping session with Wanda and Natasha. She bought a dress for what she believes to be another party thrown by Tony. She is far from suspecting that tonight, one of the best nights of her life awaits her, a moment she will cherish forever.

“Steve is definitely going to be head over heels for you tonight.” Natasha comments while Wanda is doing Laura’s hair.

“Nat, how many times do I have to tell you? He doesn’t feel the same way. Have you seen him? He’s way out of…”

Wanda is quick to cut her. “Stop! I won’t let you finish your sentence. You’re perfect the way you are. And believe me you’re the only one who can’t see it, Steve is madly in love with you.”

“Couldn’t have said it any better.” The other redhead agrees. “Seriously, you’re stunning and Steve isn’t blind, he sees it too.”

Laura remains silent, not believing a word they say but too tired to argue with her two best friends. They both know it wasn’t enough to make her feel more confident in her own skin, but improving one’s self-esteem is a long process, they’re aware of that.

“You’re all ready!” Wanda exclaims as she finishes curling Laura’s hair.

“And you look flawless.” Natasha states as she starts brushing Wanda’s hair. After a few minutes, she adds “Laura, I think I forgot my lipstick in your bedroom, could you get it for me?”

Laura complies, making her way to her room without any question. She doesn’t find it but another thing catches her attention. On her bed, there is a note. She grabs it, her hand slightly shaking as she opens it. She directly recognises Steve’s handwriting on it, and the cute sketches on it only confirms it.

“Ready for a little treasure hunting game? Follow the music, it will lead you to the first hint.” She reads.

Without wasting any minute, she gets out of her room and the music begins to play. F.R.I.D.A.Y must be helping Steve for that. She follows the sound, it’s not very loud at first but the closer she gets, the louder it becomes. The music brings back memories to her. She hasn’t heard it in a long time, but it was the first song Steve and her ever danced to. She could never forget it. She was so happy when Bucky agreed to let her go out with them. The only condition was that Steve would be the only man she would dance with. He had no idea that she wanted nothing more than that. Steve was the only person she craved to share a dance with.

The music leads her inside the home cinema room, where the A.I. starts a movie. Her eyes are locked on the screen as she watches the same video Steve saw earlier with the biggest grin on her face. One thing she loves about Steve is how he turns simple moments to unforgettable memories she will forever treasure.

As the screen turns black, a message appears on the screen. “Hope you liked the video. The next clue is waiting for you where you’ll find the most precious piece of art at the compound.”

Easy, she tells herself, making her way to the art gallery. There she is surprised to discover all the expensive paintings have been replaced by sketches Steve’s made. As she looks closer, she realises they’re all drawings of her. She never thought she was the inspiration behind his art. For the first time, she wonders if Natasha and Wanda could be right. Is it possible that he feels the same way? Her heart starts beating faster as she quickens her pace, too eager to find Steve to admire all the details in his sketches. She stops in front of a paper with no drawing, and only two words. “Turn around.”

She obeys, and looks confused when all she finds behind her is a mirror placed on the wall. It has a note attached to it. She takes it and reads it. “Yes, it’s you beautiful. For me, no art could ever compare to you.”

A tear runs down on her cheek. She is touched by Steve’s words and everything he has planned for her so far.

“We’ve spent a good part of our lives sleeping, but it doesn’t mean it’s always easy for us to fall asleep. Where we find each other on those kinds of nights is where your hunt ends.”

Almost sprinting, she makes her way to the roof. They have spent so many nights there, cuddling under a blanket as they stargazed when they both struggled to sleep. Sometimes in complete silence, sometimes sharing random conversations. Her heart is pounding when she reaches the door, opening it.

Steve stops pacing as he notices she is here, turning to face her, his mouth agape.

“Wow.” Is the only thing he manages to say as he admires her.

Her face is completely flushed as she replies with a shy “Hi.”

For a few seconds, an awkward silence fills the air as they gaze at each other. Steve is the first to move, taking a step closer to her and she does the same. He clears his voice, trying to build up the courage to tell her what his heart has been longing to say for a while now.

“Laura, through highs and lows there is only one thing that was always constant in my life. It’s you, it’s always been you and it will always be you. You once told me, we’re together and it’s all that matters. It’s true. Being with you is what truly matters. I love you.”

“I love you too Steve.” She responds, stepping closer to him.

Hesitantly he places his hand on her cheek as he brings his lips to hers, kissing her softly for the first time. He then leads her to the small table he has set in, with the help of their friends, where Laura’s favourite meal is waiting for them.

It might have taken some time for them to realise their love was reciprocal, but now so many more memories await them. This is only the beginning of Steven Grant Rogers and Laura Catherine Barnes fairytale. 

[mindibindi]

Your thoughts about Wild Blue Yonder are so interesting! I also wondered whether Donna could see the memories but was choosing not to.

After watching a few (okay, many) times more, I don’t think she is. To me, the line about it being like a furnace conjured images of something bright and hot, something she couldn’t keep her eyes on, something every instinct in her tells her to look away from. (Part of me wonders if this isn’t part of the metacrisis. The doctor told the master “did you really think i would leave my best friend without a defense?” when her memories could have been triggered - is that barrier still up despite her having let go of the energy? idk)

But I love the idea that she could know, and chooses, in some ways, not to. Out of respect for his privacy, worry over what she’d find, wanting to give him the chance to tell her himself.

These specials have given us so many little details to play with and speculate about and I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Yeah, I think the scene could be read both (or multiple) ways. And as the episode stated, a human brain can do/hold two (or more) possibilities at one time. So I like the idea of Donna choosing to respect the Doctor's privacy, even if it's an unconscious choice, an instinctive one, one she makes partially for her own preservation and partially for the health of their newly reinstated relationship. This is what you get when you put actors like Tennant and Tate together tho. This is what you get with good writing, good characterisation. You get texture, possibility, richness, intrigue, subtlety, mystery. Because yeah, these two are both as silly and goofy and ridiculous as each other. They're fun and funny and endlessly entertaining. But they are also sensitive, mature, thoughtful, unique actors. They can play the biggest comedy then turn around and break your heart with a single, silent look. Having them back for the specials has been SUCH. A. GIFT. Especially since returning to old ground (as is the nostalgic fashion in these bleak end times) does not always go well. But RTD has given these two some great material and then just put them on a big stage (literally, in the case of Wild Blue Yonder) and let them make their particular brand of magic. And as you say, I think we will be rewatching these specials, revisiting the funny and poignant moments they've provided and discussing them for weeks/months/years to come. If I'm honest, I don't feel like I've quite caught up with everything that has happened. You could say it's like looking into a furnace. It's been bright and fast and funny and moving and surprising and everything it needed to be. And I'm still processing so much, including (but not limited to):

They're back! (Donna & the Doctor! In the TARDIS!)

Donna remembers everything (and didn't die!!)

Donna & Rose giving regeneration realness

The LOOKS (of angst and love and more!!)

The kisses (hand! & head!!)

The hugs (they missed e/o SO much!)

"Earth Girl" (I didn't know how much I needed that until they gave it to me)

The continually incredible work of Catherine Tate's hair

They've given us so much, after such a long wait, and this weekend they're gonna give us MORE. And then they're gonna take it all away again and I'm really not ready at all.

[a-skirmish-of-wit-and-lit]

Book Review: A Most Agreeable Murder by Julia Seales

A Most Agreeable Murder is many things: a regency romp, a comedy of manners, a satire, a subtly teasing romance, and a murder mystery with a side of cozy plus an extra slice of whimsy. It's a clever and inviting debut, bursting full of the lovably absurd characters that you might find in the pages of an Austen or a Heyer novel.

In fact, if Catherine Morland of Northanger Abbey could have penned a novel herself, I think it might've come out something like this--with plenty of folly and fancifulness to spare.

The plot centers around Beatrice Steele, a resident of Swampshire, a small English town in the country, as she attempts to solve a murder that takes place during the Stabmort ball. Though it's not considered ladylike to be interested in such things, Beatrice loves true crime, dreaming about one day being able to solve cases and pursue justice for real. So when Croaksworth croaks (the pun was there, okay?) in the middle of a minuet, she is enlisted to help Vivek Drake, a surly, disgraced, eye-patching wearing detective, solve the mystery and apprehend the culprit responsible.

However, with Beatrice up against the wall with the etiquette demands of Swampshire as well as Drake's facts-first-and-foremost way of investigating, things do not proceed smoothly. Or easily, for that matter. So as the evening continues to descend into madness and mayhem, the storm outside keeping them all locked inside the manor house, will she be able to rise above it all to catch the killer? Will she be able to solve the case before anyone else dies?

I had such a marvelous time with this book!

Even though there were times the satire could be too heavy-handed, I mostly reveled in all of the ridiculous antics (like Miss Bolton and her hats, like Daniel and his rhymes) because it added to the hilarity. It poked fun at all other "dramatic" mysteries of the time period. Plus, the puns were phenomenal - STABmort Park, Edmund CROAKSworth - I couldn't help but laugh.

I also enjoyed Beatrice as a heroine because she's plucky, passionate, and intuitive. She's the type of gal (and investigator!) who follows her gut instincts, which sometimes prove to be right and other times turn out to be fifty shades of wrong...And that, of course, made for half the fun!

She and Inspector Drake were good partners. Well-balanced. A formidable team. They're like the head and the heart of crime-solvers, with a dynamic that is Darcy-Lizzie-esque in nature because it was all bad first impressions, reluctant attraction, acerbic wit, and slowly evolving trust and cooperation. It was fabulous. Truly. As such, the stage was set for their personal and professional partnership to continue in the future, and I, for one, sure hope it does!

A perfect pick for Jane Austen and Agatha Christie fans. Especially ones who don't mind some quirkiness stirred into their regency manners or murder mystery soup.

Special thanks to NetGalley and Random House for the ARC in exchange for my review.

4/5 stars

**Follow me on Goodreads

[marley-manson]

New Doctor Who episode reaction post in a pros and cons list. Overall I really liked it.

Pros:

-- That's my show!!! That's my faves!!!!!! They're right there on the screen!!!

-- Donna Donna Donna Donna Donna Donna Donna Donna <3333333333333333

-- Gorgeous TARDIS interior, I cannot believe it's an actual 100% physical set god damn, I'm in love. I think it's actually better than the old coral

-- Rose was a great character, love her. I think Davies did really well writing her as trans, the scene with her shitty classmates and Donna being protective was a great moment imo that was just the right amount of transphobia to feel grounded without feeling gratuitous, and Sylvia second guessing herself about calling Rose gorgeous was also a nice moment. Felt real but also warm and loving.

-- I liked that Rose feeling like she's from an alien planet isn't a trans thing, it's a secretly has timelord genetics thing lol

-- oh god the Doctor saying he's a friend of Nerys was incredible, amazing writing, so fucking funny, love that continuity

-- Shaun was great too, love his amiability

-- I liked the Meep being the twist villain, you could see it coming a mile away but I'm always a fan of these kinds of twists

-- I also loved that one of the hints was that Shaun's car wasn't affected by the energy weapons because during that scene I was like 'lol wtf why are their weapons so weak come on' and then 2 minutes later I got an explanation. Love when that happens

-- I liked that Sylvia chilled out a lot and is much better but still isn't a perfect parent (taking a moment before reassuring Donna that she does know how Donna feels about Rose eg), and Donna partially overcompensates with Rose because she didn't get enough praise from Sylvia, and Sylvia seemingly trying to make up for her unsupportiveness of Donna by being very supportive of Rose. Man I love how Davies writes people, yk?

-- I got teary when Donna got her memories back <333

-- RTD always showing the big dangerous effects of the aliens through the pov of innocent bystanders <3 Mainly the neighbour kid in this case.

-- UNIT's scientific consultant was great. I forget her name, but again I enjoy how RTD wrote her representation-wise. She does have a disability, she can't take the stairs and that's a plot point at one point, but she also has some awesome ways to help not just in spite of her disability but because of it. Again, a great balance between grounded and uplifting imo

-- Catherine Tate's performance as a half-timelord is just so fun <3

-- I really loved the revelation that Rose inherited some of the timelord stuff and so she helped save the day as well as keeping Donna alive longer, it was a great exciting moment

-- I was spoiled for the Doctor's line where he tells Donna he loves her and then goes 'oh do I say those things now?' and I was prepared to be annoyed at the gender essentialist implication that it's from ~the female doctor~ but in context it did not feel like a reference to Thirteen being more open, it just felt like the Doctor reflecting that this regeneration isn't exactly the same as Ten. I haven't seen Thirteen so I can't say what her personality is like exactly beyond some vague osmosis, but it could be read as a contrast since he just regenerated from her and that's the kind of stuff a new regeneration says in comparision to the last one. Which I dig.

-- I liked the psychic paper giving him a 'mistress' title and the Doctor saying "oh catch up." Actually in general I enjoyed the occasional Thirteen references, the Doctor was a woman, not anymore, cool. Good, light touch. I am primed to be easily annoyed at how sci-fi gender changes are handled, so I was pleasantly surprised.

-- Oh, I like that the 10 clone thing is gonna be an ongoing mystery over these three specials. I didn't like the concept when I'd heard about it (I was like c'mon can't we get Ten II up in here if we're going to bring Tennant back?) but it is the only way to have a Ten+Donna adventure at this point in the story without handwaving the aging and making it a multi-doctor story featuring 3 Doctors idgaf about, and it's def worth it, so I'm glad they're making it a mystery to be solved rather than giving an offhand easy explanation at least.

Cons:

-- This is on me, but having not watched the show aside from like 5 episodes in the last 15 years, I'm not sure which elements are RTD originals and which are from Moffat and/or Chibnall. Like the sonic screwdriver being able to draw in the air and create forcefields? I don't like that.

-- Also on that same note, UNIT's Judge Dredd swat team vibe? What's up with that? Not a fan, not sure who to blame tho.

-- But yeah this lack of knowledge of what came before left me feeling a little lost sometimes, unsure what I'm supposed to roll with and what's supposed to be new and cool. I'm hoping RTD does more of a clean new start overall because I'm not willing to watch previous DW for the sake of this series.

-- RTD's thing with... puns as (usually retrospective lol) foreshadowing? Always one of the sillier things about his writing, eg YANA, the Doctor-Donna being an actual thing rather than an idiosyncratic speech pattern, etc. Anyway he did it again with the binary/non-binary thing and I thought it was silly again.

-- Biggest con probably is that the resolution to the half-timelord thing was underwhelming and I realize this was meant to be a bit of a feminist statement but came across as gender essentialist as hell too. We're women so we understand we can just let the power go??? At LEAST make it crystal clear that this is only an option now that it's dispersed between two people and not something Donna could've done 15 years ago lol.

-- The editing felt a little off? Scenes cut off a hair too quickly, causing the pacing to feel rushed during a lot of it. There were a few good emotional and character scenes that had room to breathe ofc, but the action/plot scenes felt a little too crushed together, yk? Gimme half a second after a line of dialogue before you cut to the next scene pls.

-- Oh I was meh about the opening titles, but honestly that's just because I like how simple the old RTD credits were and these feel overdone in comparison. But that's a super minor complaint lol, I don't really care.

That's about it though honestly, I actually enjoyed it a lot more than I expected to. I mean I was vascillating hard between high and low hopes lol, but yk. I try to keep my expectations moderate, and those expectations were exceeded. Before this I wasn't sure if I was going to jump back in at all, but now I'm genuinely looking forward to the next special, and the next Doctor after this anniversary stuff!