#but I guess being the “fat” girl in a class of girls who were literally flexing on eachother with how often they purge

[deadlyterrorstonight]

Hello! It’s the same person who was asking about Fritz, do you think you can make some headcanons about how he was like in highschool? (And how he is like during work? If you got time ofc I ain’t trying to rush you)

Fritz Headcanons !!! || High school edition

Fritz was definitely known to be the dorky, nerdy AND the geeky type in high school. He wasn’t particularly popular in high school, but he wasn’t an outcast either- Just a dude that people knew, as Fritz was decently well known (recognized but not friends with them) and also were aware that he was clumsy and basically the first sentence in the beginning. (Story time coming up soon.)

He didn’t mind those titles because he knew he was that and wasn’t ashamed or upset about it like he was when he was a kid (Those words were used to insult him when he was young, but as he got older he didn’t see them as insults anymore.) It doesn’t bother him anymore and he does agree with it. He’d be a liar if he tried to argue otherwise, and he knew it. Being a dork, nerd or geek isn’t a bad thing at all. And he embraced that part of himself because that’s just who he was, and he was happy with it.

Fritz has ALWAYS been a klutz. Literally as a kid and as a now adult. People knew Fritz because they’d catch him tripping/falling in hallways and other incidents that happened at school [Science fails, project fails, presentation fails.] and remembered him for it. So that’s one reason why people know him. The other half is because those that have been with Fritz in projects or sat next to him knew him as a pretty endearing dude in his own right. That wasn’t what people really expected but it was a nice surprise to them to see who Fritz is, and know him to be sarcastic, flustered easily, common sensed and easy to talk to oddly enough and that he listens well. Much to their surprise also understands girl problems really well. (This man cannot count how many times he’s seen girls shocked by his responses. Guess he partially has his sisters to thank.) He doesn't like letting people know that though, he doesn't want to be a vent machine for people and tries to avoid being in other people's business.

Sometimes when he talks to girls though, and they end up complimenting him, Fritz- again, gets flustered easily. SO meaning poor baby boys face would get red. He doesn't even realize it sometimes until it was pointed out...making it worse.

Fritz had a usual hangout group he grew up with from 1st grade all the way till he entered high school. Around middle school they started drifting but would occasionally say hi or hang out after school until they were done with middle school. - but as he got into high school he made new friends in the clubs he joined and that became his usual go to buddies to hang with. He doesn’t keep as in touch anymore nowadays, but they chat every once in a while, just as a check in of sorts as the years have gone by once they were all out of high school.

Fritz was in a DnD club after school and if they had free time then they’d play during school too. He was in a computer programming class as well. Between that and stuck in music (he didn’t like it but had to participate because his sisters put him in there. Don’t ask if he knows how to play an instrument now because as soon as he was done, he gave it all up. He played clarinet because he sucked at everything else- but drums were fun to him. He picked up maybe a few things to play on some other instruments but not much at all. -)

He was sorta bullied in school for being big. I mean, he kind of got used to it but it did upset and make him kinda angry since the fat jokes were just really stupid and overused. He just ended up ignoring the dudes or gave them a quick "What the heck." look and moved on and kept going without stopping when they called out to him in the halls, gym, or if he was in class he just brushed them off. Sometimes he'd just stare at them with a blank expression waiting. It got awkward so they'd end up walking off.

But those are some things I can think of. He also never really crushed on anyone in school, mostly due to low confidence in that area and saved him troubles and drama [ Tried avoiding them until the crush was..basically gone or not as strong feeling anymore...] Every time he saw a breakup in school, it was just a good reminder to just focus on himself and not go for it.

Fritz was just a well-behaved student, got really good grades and wasn't the type to really put himself out there. Smarty pants if you will- He didn't get in trouble ASIDE from when those accidents happened at school. Not his fault that disaster likes to follow him. He never got detention or suspensions unless it was a whole class thing. Some teachers just don't care whether you're innocent or not of said thing that got the whole class in trouble-

Going to the nurses office or infirmary wasn’t an uncommon thing at all for Fritz. The nurses knew him pretty well and immediately started to chalk up what could have possibly happened as soon as walked in. He’d get or have Band-aids, ice packs with/or on him. Sometimes tissues too because of a bloody nose.

This man has crashed into people, fell into lockers, tripped over his own two feet, over objects like backpacks in the rows between seats, tripped going up and down the stairs, etc. A lot happens.

A/N: Sorry if it’s short! I'm gonna separate the work one in other post just to space it out and so it won't make this one too long. I hope these aren't too outta character for the dude- apologies if they are! There also might also be typos in there…

[diosama27]

Part 1 - insecure chubby reader

#Fluff

AN: yn is a chubby girl who loves to eat, sleep and play around all day in her house, an above average student, basically an introvert who stays to herself, whose not a person that would be influenced by others.

So even if you're bullied you will get back at them. But still you're very much insecure because of your weight

You walk to school, just another normal day after the summer vacation, as you walk into the class you could hear gossips from girls, they were speaking about the new transfer student.

All you could hear was "he was soooo tall!!!" "I wish i could be his gf" "kyaaa!!! How can someone be sooo handsome" "he looks like he jumped out from some manga or something"...etc...etc...etc..

Yn wonderd about the so called handsome new guy who could create so much fuss despite being in the campus just for mins

"Was he really that good-looking, like really??"

(AN: Bell rings, teacher comes in and introduces the new transfer student)

Girls were happily cheering for this guy who didn't even mind giving a good introduction for himself.

Well he's tall, handsome and kind of like the cool type guy but still he's tooo cold and has one hell of an attitude

His name was jotaro, he got transferred for some personal reasons and that he's gonna continue the rest of the highschool years here.

He was allotted his seat and the rest was just the same usual normal day.

As days went by yn could literally see girls throwing themselves at him, but still getting rejected heartlessly

"Atleast he could tell them he's not interested. His attitude makes my blood boil."(AN: That's what makes him kakkoii )

Sometimes you find him staring but it feels different like it's just a normal way for people to look but when he does this it feels embarrassing.

You want to know what he thinks while staring at you like that.

"Does he think I'm pretty??!! Hell nahhh! I'm fat and I know it. So, does he think I'm disgusting????"

This man always makes you doubt yourself even when you're brimming with confidence

You feel weird. Its not like you never experienced things like this. It's just that you never knew a guy like jotaro will be your type.

You were good at hidding your feelings so it was never a problem but now you feel the need of attention from him

"From him? of all people!" You sigh

Time skip,

(AN: Typical romantic scenario up ahead)

Teacher assigns projects for students in teams of two. Well guess what yn and jotaro gets paired in a team

(AN: Wow i didn't expect that at all?)

You were kind of shocked and happy

(AN: well about the fan girls of jotaro they were pissed but still yn was not the type to go get on people's nerves and still it was just a "project")

First day after the allotment of team:

(yn was not that much of an outgoing person so you expected him to speak up first, but was left hanging (◉‿◉). )

Second day:

Still no conversation blooming

Third day:

Students started their projects. Still nothing has started between you and jotaro. You waited till evening of day 3, loosing all you're patience you texted him.

Yn: Hey. This is Yn.

(AN: ~~An eternity later~~)

Jotaro: *seen*

Yes?

Yn: what about the project? Did you find something?

Jotaro: Meet me at the coffee cafe within an hour.

You can't believe the audacity of this man to literally order you around

Leaving the message on read you started getting ready and controlled yourself from exploding with anger.

On the way you thought about the meeting and felt a bit nervous, because this was the first time you're meeting with a guy, like just the two of you.

It's not that you're uncomfortable with guys, it's just that you never felt the need to go out, but you would hangout with some friends once in a while.

You were nervous but still managed to keep it all together and not get flustered in front of this Mr. Attitude.

After reaching the cafe you saw the guy sitting in a corner hiding his face with his cap still maintaining his cool figure and a group of admirers shooting draggers of love at him.

You saw a pack of files on the table you then knew that he had some topics organized for the project.

After you take a seat he handed some files to you "so he actually did all this?" Were your thoughts

You were surprised but still it was expected since he was the guy who did answer all the questions pointed out to him.

After going through some papers y'all went back home after some time your phone buzzed.

Jotaro: did u reach home?

You were just too shocked to answer the text so after some serious mind - claculations you understood it was just normal for a person to ask this (AN: well he's not though)

So you replied

Yn: yes. You?

Jotaro: yes

You finished the project and got an exceptional grade together.

As a token of appreciation you thought of inviting him for dinner because he was the one who did most of the work and you also realised your change of feelings for him.

You felt that jotaro was someone who is reliable, inspite of you being fat and everyone just avoiding or like acting out of will with you he was different he was the only one who didn't change.

He didn't act friendly, or show pity because of lack of friends you had cause of you're weight.

You didn't know how or when you started falling for this cold hearted man without even knowing.

You expected to be his first priority, even though you didn't have the guts to say it out to him.

He literally rejected all other "perfect girls" so you knew you didn't have any chance from the beginning.

As days went by you wanted to get rid of these feelings but instead they grew more, everytime a girl trys to cling around him you wanted him to know that you wanted him, every part of him.

But you were afraid of getting rejected, so you never tried.

Little did you know the feelings were mutual

Poor Yn ;)

[opossum-by-night]

(TW: disordered eating, fatphobia, body image stuff)

Putting it under the cut because it's a long one.

It's a fucking miracle I've made it this far without a severe eating disorder. It's insane to think back on how fucking disgustingly fatphobic my dad was growing up (and still is sometimes, tbh). Like, some of my clearest memories of things he's said to me involve him shitting on other people for being "fat."

Like, the most vivid one is when we were stopped at a Wendy's on a family road trip, and there was a girl close to my age, probably a few years younger, wearing those Soffee gym shorts. The waistband was cutting into her sides a little so it looked like she had a "muffin top" (she was absolutely not overweight, probably skinnier than me at the time tbh) and he said something like "I can't believe how fat kids are these days - she's probably one of the fittest girls in her class and she looks like that." Literally if you have enough skin for it to be dented by your clothes, you're fat and unattractive.

He would always comment on how much too skinny or too fat women on TV were, or the clothes other people wore in public, or the food other people were eating (ESPECIALLY if they were bigger, but also if they were very thin). He also loved to say any disabled person who was at all visibly overweight "isn't disabled, they're just fat," or otherwise blame their disability on their fatness.

I also remember him shitting on my mom's weight when I was even younger, when I was weighing myself (I think, or maybe using the scale to weigh something I was holding). He said something like "yeah your mom's 175lbs 😬😬😬" as if that was so fucking fat. For a very long time I had in my head that anything over 200lbs was like, an actual whale. I'm currently about 180-185lbs at 5'8", and it's fucking crazy to me that he was calling my mom fat TO HER CHILD at a similar BMI to where I am now, after she BORE HIM THAT CHILD!!!!!

I think maybe what saved me is that it crossed the event horizon in my mind, like he was *too* ridiculous about it so that even my very malleable, insecure brain was like "that seems like an insane thing to say, actually." He also never said much directly *about my body* to my face that I can remember, which definitely helped, but he did (and still does) *constantly* harp on how I need to exercise, get in shape, go outside, whatever - even when I was working a job that literally required heavy lifting, walking long distances, and other assorted manual labor outdoors for literally 8 hours a day!!!! (Which, guess what!!! My highest weight was while I was at that job, because I was fucking miserable!!!)

And like, I definitely don't have a particularly great and healthy relationship with food, nor with my own body/appearance, but oh my god I got so lucky because it honestly should've been so much worse.

[pudgecuddles]

tw discourse, heavy negativity, community meta

I’ve been seeing some pretty blatant kink shaming going on here for a while now and have just about had it.

It’s disguised as well-meaning, social advocacy and the occasional off-handed comment or tag. It’s phrased in a way that would make you the bad guy if you spoke out against it. Or even brought up the outright HYPOCRISY.

We are all here because we jack off to erotica of a boy band being gay and getting fat. No one is inherently better than anyone else here.

Some of us like farting, some of us like piss.

No one is above anyone morality wise.

And yet, I have been seeing asks and posts and reblogs and tags saying some stuff that rubs me the wrong fucking way.

This sentiment:

“Writing these characters as being in an abusive relationship is unhealthy, toxic and problematic.”

And

“Writing these characters like this is so dehumanizing and gross.”

Has the same fucking energy as:

“You do know that purposely gaining weight is unhealthy and abusive right?”

And

“How dare you write BTS weight gain stories! These are real people you’re hurting by doing this!”

Honey…

It’s a kink.

It’s a fetish.

Hell, it’s the only fucking thing I can get off to.

What happened to people advocating against kink-shaming? Where did this shitty divide in the community come from?

And don’t you fucking say “some accounts”, because cut the bullshit we all know who you’re talking about when you say that. She knows it too.

You’re not being subtle, you’re not being clever. You’re very publicly disowning a fucking foundation of this community.

And since y’all are so fucking afraid to say her name, I’ll say it for you.

@taeslovehandles

There. Not so fucking hard. Or maybe, it was just easy for me because I treat her like a fucking human with feelings beyond her porn or kinks. Someone who’s been told to her face that they don’t want to be associated with her, or even look at her milder content. That fucking COMMUNICATING with her was distasteful.

People she liked. People she looked up to. People that then TURN AROUND and make vague as fuck call out posts about “certain accounts” and “dark content”.

She sees this you know. She sees every fucking word because guess what? You’re so damn obvious.

The accounts that left or deactivated because “some accounts” were introducing “uncomfortable content”. That the “atmosphere has changed” and that it’s “just not the same”.

Everyone knows you’re talking about her. People are just too polite or two-faced to say it out loud.

Fun fucking fact?! @taeslovehandles doesn’t post her stories on Tumblr. She posts them on Ao3.

So stop acting like she’s polluting pure waters because 1) her content’s in a different lake and 2) these waters ain’t pure in the first place.

So, since it’s not her that’s the problem, what is?

Could it be… the mob mentality that emerges whenever given the chance?

Maybe the misplaced performative activism you use to cover up your very public cyber-bullying?

Or is it the fact that people are treating this community, built off of the backs of porn writers, as a standard for moral superiority?

Whatever the fuck it is, stop.

Fucking stop.

You are literally only hurting people. We come here to not be judged, scorned, whispered about, or hell, put on public trial for what turns us on. This is supposed to be a place where we can conscientiously create and share things that get us off with like minded people who won’t dox us for “ruining the boy’s image”.

If you really don’t like dark content, and can’t bring yourself to follow an account that even posted it once, block them! It’s great! If you don’t like dark content but you enjoy the other stuff the person posts, block the tags you don’t like! Easy to skip past!

But whatever you do, don’t act like a bunch of middle schoolers who don’t like that that one girl showed up to lunch eating something you’re allergic to when she doesn’t sit at your table and doesn’t shove her PB&J in your face.

Don’t transfer schools because just knowing that there is peanut butter in the cafeteria ruins it forever for you.

Don’t whisper about how “inconsiderate some peanut eaters” are when you all eat shellfish yourself.

Especially don’t do so when sitting behind her in history, or when walking past her in the hallway. Even if she washes her hands every single time.

And when she says “Hi!” between classes, or gives you a gift for your birthday, don’t tell her to go away because you don’t want her peanut hands touching you.

Even though she washes her hands. Even though she wipes down her table. Even though she uses a separate trash can.

She’s not a peanut.

She’s a person with feelings.

She has every right to attend this school too.

She has every right to not be shamed into sitting alone, or eating something she doesn’t like, or can’t afford every day.

So, remember the fucking human before you jerk off your justice boner, why doncha?

[writer-panda]

The Hit on the Groom and What Became of It - Chapter 3/Leaps in logic (and over the edge of the rooftop)

Chapter 1  -|-  Previous -|- Next

---------

Adrien’s day wasn’t good at first. Okay, it was straight-up terrible. For most, their wedding is supposed to be a happy day. Or at least a reason for celebrations. Adrien? He couldn’t even hope for a cake since it would ruin his model body.

For the last several months, his father was working him into an early grave. The extra photo sessions, harder classes, new exercise regime… and Lila. The last one was terrifying. 

Adrien tried to hold onto hope that his father would in the end cancel the whole affair. That he would drop the ridiculous notion of wedding or at least push it back. The young model wasn’t sure exactly why was his father so insistent on pushing for the wedding. He repeatedly asked himself if Lila was blackmailing his father, but it was hard to think of anything that his father possibly could be blackmailed with. Adrien spent countless hours wondering if his father had some dark secret, but it didn’t fit the man. 

Did the designer have an affair with Nathalie? No… he already got angry about the suggestion once. And even if so, it wasn’t something that he would be so ashamed about. 

Was his father doing some illegal business dealings? It was somewhat possible, but what? It would need to be something big. Something extremely big. 

Thinking rationally, he had no idea what could it be…

What could be so big that it was worth more than the happiness of his only son?

--------

When one looks at all that, being kidnapped right at the altar was almost… nice. Sure, Adrien had been dragged by a sentient pile of mud into the sewers and then carried to some unknown location. Sure, his beautiful suit was ruined and all the hard work Marinette put into her work was irreversibly wasted. 

But, he was not married to Lila. 

The pile of mud dragged him deep into the sewers until they found a ladder leading up. It appeared to be grievously damaged, with several steps in the row removed. Adrien didn’t protest much when he was lifted up and into the place above. 

The place turned out to be a quite comfy flat. It was overall smaller than Adrien’s room back in Paris, but it felt more welcoming. It only had one big room, divided in half with a plywood panel. In the first ‘room’, there was a couch, a small table with three chairs, a tv on a cabinet, and two armchairs. It all appeared to be old and worn out. The second part held two beds (one without any mattress), a desk with an old computer, and a kitchen annex. It was… nice. Adrien almost liked it better than the big, sterile manor. 

The pile of mud seated him on one of the chairs before condensing into humanoid form. Slowly, his body turned human and in the end, he looked almost exactly like the wedding officiator. The man pulled his phone and sent some text before turning to Adrien. 

“Do you want something to eat?” He asked, walking over to the kitchen annex.

“Um… anything would do.” Adrien hesitantly spoke up. He was only slightly scared. Honestly, first, he is saved from the wedding and now he is given free food? Yes, purr-lease!

“Vegan or non-vegan?”

“I would kill for a fat, juicy steak…” Adrien remembered his last photo session, which was advertising the summer collection. One of the photos had him standing over the BBQ grill. The smell of the food being prepared almost made him salivate back then. 

“Ah… The actor’s diet?” His kidnapper/savior asked, giving him a knowing look at the same time.

“Yeah… I’m a model, but I heard it’s the same” Adrien corrected. 

“I’ll get you something. We need to wait anyway.” 

Adrien chose not to speak to the man while he was cooking. It was still a bit awkward. He was being kidnapped.

It didn’t matter. The meal was too good to complain. Who cares about kidnapping when one is given some meat. It was a light meal, probably not to upset his stomach, but it was still more than he hoped for that day. 

Of course, it couldn’t be that pretty.

The moment Adrien finished with the first piece of meat and was reaching for another, the doors were violently kicked and a man entered. He was dressed in a red bodysuit with silverly metallic elements. His helmet had one eye replaced with a red… monocle?

The explosion was quickly followed by a single gunshot. The moment it sounded, Clayface (because that was the name of the ‘pile of mud’) became frozen in place. Literally. He was covered head to toes in ice.

“My steak!” Adrien cried as he was being dragged away by the newcomer. 

They were already away when Clayface managed to break through the ice. He wanted to pursue them, but his phone rang suddenly, giving him a pause.

“Who is this?!” He snarled, irritated at the interruption.

“I was led to believe you have what I wanted.” The voice on the other side growled and Clayface paused. It sent shivers down his figurative spine. His employer sounded dangerous. 

“Ah… Yes… There’s been a… complication.” He stuttered, hoping it wasn’t too apparent. Whoever was on the other side made a terrifying first impression.

“What do you mean ‘complication’?” They hissed. Clayface stumbled and almost dropped the phone. He knew the employer was someone powerful, but it was a whole new level of scary. Sure, he was technically a mercenary, but until today his biggest job was some light security gig. This was supposed to be his way of reinventing himself into part of the major league. But this was being much more overwhelming. 

He quickly got to the point where his employer should’ve been somewhat satisfied and hanged up quickly. He had to get the boy before he became the target himself.

----------

Elsewhere, Adrien was starring into a pair of curious sea-green eyes.

When his new kidnapper brought him to the apartment and tied him to the chair, Adrien was still bemoaning the loss of his steak. He disliked the lack of freedom, but he was still feeling safer than with Lila and his father. Objectively looking at it, he knew it was wrong, but he preferred to be kidnapped. 

To his surprise, the kidnapped tossed him and the chair into some spare room of the flat they were in when the doorbell rang. There were also some curse words, but Adrien chose to disregard them.

It took a very energetic girl (about two years younger than him) all five minutes to figure out he was in that room. Not that the man made it particularly hard, leaving the doors half-open and all that.

She leveled her head so that they were on an equal level and stared into his face with an inquisitive glare.

“Daddy! You promised not to work on our day together!” She turned to the man and complained. “You clearly kidnapped him!”

“I’m really sorry, cupcake. I didn’t plan it. The time zone changes can really mess up with the calendar.”

“If it helps, this is better than the alternative.” Adrien smiled shyly.

“How is being tied to the chair good?”

“It’s better than being forced to get married.” The boy deadpanned.

“Fine.” She then turned to her father “But you will untie him. He can join us in our board game evening.” She declared imperatively.

“You won’t try anything, right?” The man glared at Adrien, who shrugged (as much as the binds allowed him). 

“I quite like it here. I could do with some water, but it’s really better than how the day was supposed to go.”

The man sighed and walked over to the boy. The rope fell to the floor and Adrien could move freely. Yet, he didn’t immediately move. He did try to get up, but the world swirled and blackness consumed his consciousness.

----------

When he woke up, he was once again faced with a set of sea-green eyes. The girl apparently liked to stare at faces in close quarters. Not that Adrien complained much as long as she didn’t actually touch him. He was used to the attention. 

“You must’ve been really tired. Daddy said he almost wanted to get you to a hospital.” That woke Adrien very quickly.

“No hospital!” He launched himself to sit straight up and almost crashed with the girl. Luckily, she moved out of the way. Otherwise, her father might’ve actually sent him to the hospital. Probably in pieces too. 

“Don’t worry.” Speaking of the devil, the man entered the room with a platter full of fast food and a glass of water. There was a hamburger there!

“Zoe. Please leave us alone for a moment. I need to discuss some things with Mr. Agreste.”

“Sure. But remember you promised not to hurt him. And we promised him board games.” She reminded her father before happily skipping out of the room. 

Once she was out, the man handed him the platter and Adrien practically leaped to devour the food. 

“So…” His kidnapper/temporary caretaker started awkwardly. “If it’s any help, I’m sorry for kidnapping you.” 

“Dot wowwy” Adrien dismissed him with a mouth full of burger. His father would lock him up for months if he saw him, but the boy was way past caring about it. He gulped before continuing though, as it was a shame to waste anything of the tasty goodies. “Seriously, you guys are making me a favor.” 

“Huh?” The man raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah! If not for this,” he gestured vaguely around the room, albeit it was clear he meant kidnapping, “I would’ve probably been married already.”

“Ah… And I guess the wedding wasn’t your idea.” It wasn’t a question. Deadshot (because he was the kidnapper if it wasn’t yet obvious) had some experience with runaway brides. Grooms escaping arranged marriage were rarer, but not unheard of. He used to take those tasks without remorse. At least until one time, when he tracked the bride, instead of an adult woman like usual, he found a pre-teenage girl. She couldn’t have been older than his own daughter at the time. 

Let’s just say that he failed to deliver that contract. Or any similar in the future. 

“Sir?” Adrien asked once he finished the meal.

“Yeah?”

“Could I get some more?”

“In a moment. Let what you ate settle down first.” He scolded him lightly, his parental instincts kicking in. “So, do you have any idea who might’ve wanted you kidnapped?”

“Not really… Only Marinette and Gerard cared about my opinion on this matter. And neither is the kind that would arrange a kidnapping.” He did his best not to think about his past as Chat Noir. No one but Ladybug knew, but his Lady wasn’t someone that would get involved with criminals. And even then, he doubted she could afford mercenaries. He always thought they were expensive. Could someone else figure out he used to be Chat Noir?

“Hm…” Lawton focused for a moment. “And what about The Seamstress? She is a completely new player that came out of nowhere. I suspected she might’ve had a personal connection to you. What about your father? Could someone want to get back at him? Especially someone with that name?”

“You do know what my dad does for the living?” Adrien deadpanned. 

“Yes, but did he anger someone? Enough that they would want to ruin him?” The man pressed. 

“It would be easier to list people he didn’t anger. My father is not… not the easiest to be around.” The light that was in the boy’s eyes just moments ago dimmed slightly. “Why are you asking all this?” He suddenly perked up and met the gaze of the mercenary. 

“Honestly, I really dislike the jobs involving kids. I thought that you were just another bratty teenage star that got his way with the wedding. A kid wanting to be treated like an adult. Now… now I can’t with clear conscience return you or deliver you.”

Adrien held back any witty remarks about hired gun having a conscience. “So… I’m living with you?”

“Sadly, no. I’m not around often enough and there is still a price on your head.” Lawton pulled out his phone and carefully read through something. “The more I think of it, the more it looks like you are not the most important part.”

That got Adrien’s attention. His own brain started to work overtime to get the meaning. “What?”

“The wording of the contract. ‘Grab from the wedding’, ‘possibility of further assignments’, ‘very public’… and the price is unreasonably high for such a simple task. It appears as if whoever The Seamstress is wanted a show. Like she wanted to recruit whoever brought you in. It appears as if she was setting up some sort of competition over who brings you to her.”

“But why me?” Adrien ran through ideas, but only him being Chat Noir would make sense in the long run. 

“Publicity. Your old man made sure the wedding was the event of the decade.” The merc simply shrugged. “If they wanted to announce their entrance to the big league, they would pick the biggest, most prominent target.” 

“Figured father is to blame…” Adrien grumbled before reaching into his pocket. “I… would like to call a friend of mine. To reassure her I’m safe.”

“She won’t run to the police?” Lawton was hesitant to allow it but also didn’t have the heart to tell him no. The kid was emotional wreck. And if his appetite was anything to go by, it was possible physical abuse was also there.

“Marinette wouldn’t do anything dangerous. She… I think she was trying to stop the wedding. Or delay it.”

“The girl that stood up shortly before the panic?”

“Yeah… She used… She’s a friend of mine. Probably the last true friend I have left.” 

“I see… Okay, call her. But make sure not to mention anything about me. Just in case.”

There was a moment of tense silence while Adrien waited for his friend to pick up. Finally, after the fifth signal, there was a rustle on the other side.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng speaking. Who do I have the pleasure with?” She spoke almost mechanically. To someone who never met her before, it might’ve sounded sincere. To Adrien, it sounded like she was exhausted both physically and emotionally. He almost blamed himself, but at the last second shifted it all onto Lila and his Father. 

“Marinette!? Are you okay?” He asked, wanting to make sure there was nothing truly wrong.

“Adrien!? Adrien!” She immediately seemed to cheer up. “Where are you!? Are you okay? What happened? Did they hurt you? Are you safe?” She finally paused to take a breath. 

“I’m okay, Marinette. I might’ve sorta gotten myself kidnapped,” he realized how bad that sounded as the words left his mouth, “but it’s all okay! It’s better than it was!” He rushed to reassure her, albeit his method was not a hundred percent successful. 

“Are you safe?” Was the question she repeated. It sounded almost… guilty. To Adrien’s tired brain though, such subtle details were second to the question. 

“I’m probably good. Someone put a bounty on me, but it’s all about me being alive. It’s like whoever did it accidentally saved me from the wedding.” He chuckled a bit darkly, thinking about how much of a temper tantrum Lila must’ve been throwing since his disappearance.

“Call me back later, okay?” There was a sudden urgency that Adrien did pick on. “I have something that needs to be sorted out.”

“What’s happening?”

“Just my Maman is coming. She is knocking right now.” With that, she hanged up. Adrien relaxed. There was no danger. And even if there was, it probably just ran away to hide as Sabine Cheng came to town.

“Kid, you done?” Deadshot walked back into the room with another hamburger.

“Yeah. I feel much better now. Thanks for the opportunity.”

“Don’t sweat it. Listen… I can’t just keep you, but I called some friends of mine. They’re willing to help you. Well, she is. Her girlfriend is just going with it for her sake.”

Lawton carefully studied Adrien to see his reaction to mentioning the couple, but there was no visible reaction. He just watched the hamburger with a hungry gaze. 

-------

Elsewhere, an exhausted kwami flew out of the jewel. Hawkmoth was one step from tossing the jewel at the wall. 

“I don’t understand! He should be terrified by now! He was kidnapped! They wouldn’t kill him after going so long to kidnap him!”

“Maybe your powers aren’t as good as you’ve thought?” another voice spoke from the shadows. Lex Luthor walked into the center to join Gabriel Agreste.

“They didn’t have time to move him out of the city before I started the search. Not without magic and he said there was no magical travel to or from Gotham so far.” Gabriel paced around the room. 

“While you were playing with your precious jewels, I actually used some of my contacts. It appears that someone ordered a hit on your son. They wanted him kidnapped from the wedding.”

“What?!” Gabriel paused and glared at the other man.

“While I can’t stop it or even try to outbid them, I do know of one person I can convince to take this task. And she just happened to be coming to Gotham this very moment.”

“Fine. I want my son back, or our deal is off, Luthor.” 

“Don’t worry. He will see the Light soon.”

[strawberri-blonde]

Amortentia - Fred Weasley

Summary: Your classic enemies to lovers.

Warning: Curse words.

Feeling the piece of paper hit your face for what felt like the Millionth time; your tolerance was long worn down. You went to grab your wand but Hermione stopped you by resting her hands into your wrist but it didn’t stop the anger that was filling your soul as you looked over at the Weasley twins. “Y/n, no.” The twins laughed as they saw the glare upon your face.

“Merlin, I’ll gulge your eyes out with my wand, Fred!” The older twin chuckled making George share a laugh as well. Heat filled your face and reached your ears making it feel as if steam was coming out. Hermione saw the anger that resisted in your expression and slowly took your wand from your grip worried for the Weasleys.

“I’d like to see you try sweetheart.” An aggravated  squeal left your lips causing the whole class to turn in the direction of the two tables earning the attention of a certain Professor. The twins kept laughing while Hermione nudge you to the front of the class where Professor McGonagall resigned with a stern look.

“If the two of you are done flirting, then it’s time to get back to the lesson.” You instantly felt your cheeks overflow in a deep red while Fred tried to cover his embarrassment with a light smirk but George didn’t fall for his tricks. He bump his shoulder against Fred’s making the boy blush before shoving his brother back somewhat harder. “Boys.”

“Sorry, Professor.” After the Weasleys apologied McGonagall stared them down for one last time before continuing.

Shaking away your insecurities, you grabbed onto the your quill and began to concentrate on today’s lesson while mumbling out, “idiots.”

-

You clenched your books in your hand as you glided down the halls with ease, your mind was so concentrated on the fact that lunch was going to be served soon that you didn’t notice the human being that you bumped into. “Oh, I’m sorr-”

“Watch it mugblood.”

Your breath got caught in your throat as the insult spewed from the blondes lips. Tears started to form but you wouldn’t dare let that snake see you cry. Before you could respond someone grabbed your shoulders and moved you to stand behind them. “Why don’t you shut your mouth Malfoy before I make sure you can’t speak again.”

Draco let out a laugh making his minions do the same while you looked up at Fred in confusion. Why was he helping you? “What a Weasley, trying to shield a mugblood. Makes sense.” You tensed at the harsh word again, causing the red head to fume. “Your whole family should be qualified as mugblood yourselves I mean-” Draco’s word were literally caught in his throat as Fred stepped forward with his long legs and wrapped his lanky but strong hands around the pure bloods throat.

Your eyes increased in size and worry filled your soul but not for Draco, who was getting his windpipe crushed, but surprisingly for Fred. He could get in so much trouble. When the minions saw the scary expression on his face they ran away too scared to turn up like Draco. “Fred.” You clasped his robes into your hands and tried to yank onto the fabric as hard as you could but the boy was like a rock. “Fred let him go.” What sounded like whimpers left Draco’s mouth as Fred seemed to ignore you completely. “Please.” Hearing your plea, the Weasley turned towards you and looked at your defeated expression and softened his gaze. Letting out a sigh, he dropped the boy to the floor with no hesitation.

“If you ever,” he continued as he bent down to Draco’s level. “Speak to Y/n again. I won’t stop.” Your heart raced at his words and you stood perfectly still as Fred straightened his posture and put a hand behind your back to motion you away from the mess he made. His touch was so gentle that if you weren’t paying attention, you wouldn’t feel it.

As you both turned the corner, you clenched your books towards your chest. “Thank you for that, but I had it covered.” Fred let out a laugh and bumped into you slightly to joke around.

“Oh, I bet, but I really wanted to strangle that swamp arse.” Rolling your eyes you stepped onto the staircase and before you could grab the hand rail, the motion of it moving caused you to fall into his arms. “Darn, Y/n I didn’t figure you the type of girl to fall in a boys arms.” Hearing the cockiness, you pushed off him and took a step up and gripped the rail into your hand. Once the stair was set, you walked up the top and greet the portrait of the singing fat lady. Her silk pink dress flowed as she turned to look at the two of you and her eyes widen. “Pass- bloody, you two are standing beside one another and aren’t arguing?” You blushed whiled Fred laughed out the password.

“Caput Draconis.” With confusion in her painted eyes, she opened the door to the Gryffindor common room. Comfort washed over as you took in the cinnamon scent and saw the warm fire. “Maybe I’ll save you a seat in the dining hall.” You blushed as you looked down at your feet before looking at at the handsome man. “Can’t have anyone ruffling your feathers but me.”

You smirked and nodded your head, “but you huh.”

“Yeah.” Fred stuffed his hands in his pockets to stand a little taller. “But me.”

-

Ever since that day you and Fred and been a little more civil with one another... Okay, a lot more civil. At first so many people thought you both were joking; that it was some big prank because after all the years of straight arguing all of a sudden you like each other?

You let the huff escape from your lips as you went over the potion you were going to do in Professor Snape’s class but Fred wasn’t doing much help as he stuffed his face with countless of chocolate frogs. Giving the boy a sharp look, Fred laughed at your expression. “What?”

“You’re making a mess.” You closed the spell book while Fred bit off the head of the chocolate figure. “You’re going to get chocolate everywhere.”

A mischievous smirk made its way to the Weasleys face as he turned to you. “Oh you mean like this.” You gasped at he wiped some milk chocolate onto your noise without thinking of the consequences. “Or this.” You mouth closed its gap and instead an ‘are you serious,’ expression took its place as he wiped a line of chocolate on your right cheek. “What about this?” You sighed as he now spread the dark sweetness to your left cheek.

“You done yet.” Fred tilted his head and squinted his eyes and clicked his tongue against his cheek. He lifted his thumb and slowly pressed it on your bottom lip, teasingly sliding it across making your breath get caught in your throat. You both seemed to be in a trance as your eyes never left his and all of his attention was on your lips.

The room grew hot as your hearts race from the need of each other. Slowly you slipped the tip of your tongue out and licked away the sweetness and took his thumb into your warm and wet mouth. Fred had to clench the couch cushions to surpress himself from pouncing on you. The way you swirled your tongue around his thumb sent him in a frenzy. Seeing his eyes darkened from hunger you let him go with a pop. “How should I get the rest off?” Fred went to reach for your waist but the door to the common room opened with Harry, Ron and George coming in. You pushed Fred away from you sending him to the floor and your cheeks were flooded red from embarrassed that you let your hormones take over your mind like that.

The three boys looked at you two in confusion and Ron was the first to speak. “Y/n, why do you have chocolate all over your face and Fred, bloody hell mate. Get off the floor.” Fred sat up with a huff and George started to laugh quickly understand his frustration and you became a blubbering mess.

“Um, I-I um...” you got chocked up and gestured towards your spell book. “We, um... I-I.” And just like that you took off disguarding your supplies and ran up to your room hoping to hide away from embarrassment.

-

“So Ron told me about last night.” You rolled your eyes as you added ingredients to the spell.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You whispered back checking to make sure Professor Snape wasn’t looking because you really didn’t feel like getting yelled at by him today.

“Um, huh.” Hermione squinted her eyes and let a smirk take over as you pulled away from the spell and reached for your book but then you remembered how you left your book in the common room.

“Past.” Like as if he could read your mind Fred held your book in the air and waved it around making you giggle. You reached out to snatch it but the Weasley lifted it higher making you stick your tongue out to him.

“Freddie, give it.” This was the first time you’ve given him the nickname and it made him almost cave in.

“Come and get it.” You rolled your eyes at his words and looked to make sure Snape wasn’t looking before ever so slowly getting up from your seat to grab your book but right as you were about to snatch it, you stepped on a weak board having it squeak. In a flash Severus Snape turned in your direction having you look like a deer caught in head lights.

“What are you doing Ms. Y/l/n?”

“Um.” You mumbled not liking having everyone’s eyes on you.

“It’s my fault, Professor.” Fred stood up and gestured towards her book. “I took her book and Y/n was just trying to get it back.”

“Why is it?” He questioned stepping closer to the pair. “Every time there’s a noise or argument it’s from you two. Granger.” Hermione snapped her head up giving her attention to the older man. “Switch seats with Mr. Weasley.”

“Um which one sir?” Snape snapped a glare in Fred’s direction.

“Mr. Weasley you will sit in Ms. Granger’s seat and partner with Y/n and you two will learn to exist together and not argue.” Confusion went around the room because everyone took notice as to how great Y/n and Fred have gotten along. I guess Snape didn’t get the memo.

You shyly say back down and waved Hermione bye and internal screamed when Fred took a seat to your right. “Alright, everyone get back to the potion.”

Fred bumped you shoulder and handed you your book to which you took with a smile and opened it to the page you needed. “What are we making anyway?”

Shaking your head, you mumbled out. “Poor Hermione.” You added the last ingredient and began to stir. “It’s Amortentia it spells like whatever you’re attracted to.” You pushed Fred’s chest and laughed. “But with all of your cologne I can’t smell anything.” Fred rolled his eyes playfully and pulled you into him.

“First of all I could say the same Y/n, I mean did you broke the whole bottle on yourself and second, I was in a rush so I couldn’t put my cologne on only my deodorant.”

You two laughed at each other saying how the other is lying when Snape raisies his voice at the two. “You’re smelling each other from the Amortentia you idiots.” And just like that your smiles dropped and you both stared intimately at one another.

“If we weren’t in class right now I’d so kiss you.” Fred widen his eyes then signaled to George. Hermione looked worried as George pulled out some random vile from his robes and poured it into the potion. Green mist sprung loose and this horrible smell filled everyone’s noses. Fred grabbed you’re books along with his with one hand and grabbed your wrist with the other to pull you out the class. You couldn’t stop laughing at Fred pulled you down the halls and he dropped your books to grab your cheeks into his large hands.

As your eyes met, and heavy breathes collided you both smiled widely at one another. You were the first to make your move as you stood on your tippy toes and wrapped your arms around his neck to bring him down for the kiss. Fred caresses your skin as he felt your soft plump lips move heavenly against his thin ones. Heat pooled between the two as the kiss deepened. Fred licked the bottom of your lip for entrance and instead of accepting you pulled back with a giggle and grabbed his hands and pulled him behind you guiding him through the halls laughter filling wherever y’all went. Once when two reach the Gryffindor commons rooms laughter did appear once or twice but it was mostly filled with your sounds of passionate love.

[lordabovehelpme]

Family Day- Din Djarin x Reader

This wonderful moodboard is brought to readers like you by @jedi-jesi (go give her some love. She’s a literal mastermind)

A/n: Cara is a flirt and I will except no other answer. 

This is the next part to my Days filled with Love series! You can find the first part here :) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mommy! Look I’m flying!” Reeza screams out in delight as Paz lifts her around in the air.

“Very nice, sweetheart.” Smiling, you go back to stirring the soup you have planned for dinner.

“Hey magic hands!” Greef, loudly announces his arrival, instantly giong to pick up your eldest child.

Cara follows him with her signature smirk, “Hey mama.” Din’s hands tighten on your hips, but you shoo him away.

Leaving the soup and your husband's hands, you tickle Grogu’s nose in Greefs arms. “I’m so glad you two were able to make it!”

“And risk never experiencing your cooking again?” She scoffs but allows you to pull her into a large hug, her own arms eventually wrapping around your shoulders.

“You’re always welcome.” You shimmy from her arms with a wide smile, but you can feel the heavy stare of your husband on where you two were conjoined.

“Auntie Cara!” Myles rushes in from outside and tackles her.

“Hey little man!” She lifts him up into her arms and rubs his helmet. “Now you match shiny over there.” You just know under his helmet he has the biggest smile.

Paz walks over with Reeza still climbing from his limbs. “Do you need help with anything?”

Giving him a grateful beam, “No, I think I’m alright.” Isabet cries from her seat at the table. “Actually can you-”

“I’ve got it.” Before you can even finish your sentence, Paz has already taken Isabet into his arms. “Come on Di’kut, get your son, we’ll teach them how to wrestle like the good old days.” Walking out the door, Myles jumps from his aunts arms, and grabs her hand, leading her after his uncle. Greef, with Grogu in his arms, follows right after them.

Din’s hands find your hips once again and he slowly raises his helmet. Pressing a kiss to your cheek as he takes Tobbi from where he was strapped to your back. “We’ll be outside.”

“Mm, okay have fun. Don’t let Paz bruise them up too bad.” However, there is no true worry in your voice. You know for a fact that on any given day Paz would protect your children and your family as if they were his own.

***

You watch with a smile on your face as Paz lets all five of your children climb all over him outside. He really does love them as if they were his own.

“Mesh’la, why don’t you come outside?” Two hands grab your hips and turn you around.

“Din! You scared me!” Lifting his helmet to his forehead, you peer up into his brown eyes. “I’m almost done with dinner, then I’ll come out.”

He leans forward and attaches to your neck, his hands lift you up and set you on the counter. Walking forward, he lodges himself between your thighs. “You look so pretty in this dress.” One of his hands trails up from your knee, pulling the fabric of your yellow sundress to your hips.

Grasping his hair you giggle as his scruff tickles your collarbone. “Thank you. But you better not be planning anything right now mister.”

“Why? Everyone's outside, no one will know.”

“I can’t believe you’re even thinking of that while we have guests!” You pull him from your neck, but you can’t hide the soft smile on your face. He just whines, bottom lip pushed out in a pout that you can’t help but kiss.

“You two better not be making anymore kids in there!”

A squeak falls from your lips as Cara sticks her head in the kitchen. Heart rising to your cheeks as you push your dress back down to your ankles. Din only shoves his helmet back on his head and offers a mumbled, “I’m trying.”

She smirks at the two of you, leaning on the doorframe and crossing her arms. “Just wanted another drink of water. But it seems like a tall glass of it was waiting for me on the counter. Weren’t you little Mama?”

As you walk over to the fridge, you elbow your husband as he growls. Grabbing the ice cold water, you pour a glass for Cara and hand it to her. “Here you go.” Flashing her a smile, you take the fresh bread from the oven. “Could you do me a favor and tell everyone that dinner is ready?”

“Sure thing mama.” Downing her glass in one big chug, she sets the glass in the sink and walks back out the door.

“I don’t like that she calls you that.” Once again, his greedy hands pull at your flesh.

“She just does it because she knows it gets under your skin. It’s just how she teases you.” Pressing your forehead against his helmet, press a kiss to where his mouth would be. “Now can you go use these big muscles and grab three extra chairs?” Giving his biceps a firm squeeze to further prove your point. “If you’re good, I’ll give you a nice gift tonight, okay?”

He growls in approval and walks away, but not without delivering a firm smack to your bottom.

***

As the sun sets and fireflies start to rise from their slumber, laughter can be heard from the Djarin residence.

“And then-” Paz’s booming laughter fills the living room from where he sits on the floor, “then he just fell over! Like one second he was there and the next he was gone!”

“You never told me you fell off a blurrg.” Your own words falling soft as they try to sound through your giggles. The hand your husband holds is squeezed and you just know under that helmet his cheeks are rosy.

“He’s making it sound worse than it was.” His visor tilts down to look at Isabet who has fallen asleep in his arms, trying to hide his embarrassment.

Paz scoffs and tickles Reeza’s stomach, giggles erupting from where her limbs thrash around. “Your dad’s an idiot.”

It’s like a flip was switched in her mind. She wrangles herself from his hold and stands protectively in front of her father. “Daddy’s not an idiot! He’s the smartest person alive!” Her little scowl mirrors perfectly the one her father often throws you.

Greef chuckles and him and Cara share a glance.

Sounding prouder than he should be, Din states, “Yeah, hear that, smartest person alive.”

Paz crosses his arms, “Yeah because the “smartest” person would obviously cheat off of me on every single written test we had.”

“That was only one time! I wasn’t able to go to class because you broke my arm! It was only fair.”

“WHAT!” Snapping your head to the left, you peer at Din, needing explanation.

“You haven’t told her yet?” Paz, for once, actually sounds shocked.

“It’s embarrassing.”

“Oh come on shiny, now we all want to know. You’ve got mama over here on the edge of her seat.”

Myles looks up at you from where he sits between your legs on the floor. Studying your facial features as you eagerly nod at your husband.

“If he won’t say anything, I’ll tell it. So it was when we were about sixteen and seventeen.” Reeza, already enveloped into the story, places herself back into his lap. “We were friends with this one girl and I-”

“You had the biggest crush on her.” Din interjects.

“We were friends! Anyway, her birthday was coming up and WE wanted to get her something. But WE wanted it to be special, so WE decided to poke in her room while she was doing her training. You know, learn more about her.”

“So you were looking for her diary?” Cara asks.

“Uncle Paz isn’t that mean?”

Looking down at Reeza he says, “Never do anything that your father and I did when we were young. And no, not her diary. Something that told us more about her.”

“So a diary.”

Paz’s helmet tilts towards her and you know he's glaring. “Anyway, the major problem was, her room was on the second floor of the covert, so in order to get up there we had to climb through her window.”

“SO he elected me to stand on his shoulders and climb in.” Din huffs.

“You offered!”

“Yeah because I didn’t want to lift your fat-”

“DIN!” Slapping your hands over Myles ears, you yell over him.

“You’re just jealous that I’m taller and stronger than you. Anyway, we were about to make it in, but low and behold, she opened the door and it spooked Din.”

“No, you were scared because you liked her, so you lost your footing. So Paz fell over and I fell on top of him. I tried to catch myself, but I rammed my forearm right into Paz’s butt and we eventually found out I broke it.”

“Butt of steel baby.” Everyone besides Din breaks out in laughter at his comment.

“Not something you should be proud of.” Din huffs out beside you.

“Wait so how did this mystery chick respond?” Greef asks.

“Let’s just say we weren’t friends anymore.” Paz shrugs his shoulders. “Missed out.”

***

All five of the kids have been put down, it already being way past their bedtime.

“Come sit with me mama.” Cara pats her thighs and before you can respond Din pulls you into his lap.

“Tough luck.” Greef mocks her before sighing, “Anyway, we best be getting back. I’m dreading what’s going to be left of the city.” Cara rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

Standing up from your husband's lap, you rush into the kitchen. “Let me grab you some leftovers! Hang tight for one minute.” Throwing some soup, bread, and fruit into tupperwares, you hand them to Greef and a few to Cara.

“Thanks mama.”

Smiling, you pull her into one last hug, “Of course.” Letting her go and giving another hug to Greef, he gives you a firm pat to your back. “It was so good to see you guys.”

He smiles before leaning down and whispering in your ear, “You know, you really make him happy.” Shocked, you peer into his eyes searching for the usual jokes he cracks. He only nods and offers your husband a firm handshake. “Until later, Mando.” The two of them walk out and back to their ship.

“Guess that’s my cue.”

Turning to Paz you pout, “Oh no, you’re totally welcome to stay. We have the guest room for a reason.” Little do you know that behind you Din is glaring and signaling for him to leave.

“Ehhhh, umm, I don’t want to overstay my welcome. Plus, I have, umm, some stuff to do tomorrow.”

Giving him a big hug, you laugh as he picks you up. “Thank you for coming, it means the world to the kids.”

He sets you down and under his helmet he smiles, “You guys are my family, I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.”

Smiling, you watch as the two men hug each other as if they are never going to let go. It’s the truest form of a bro hug. They both have their arms at an angle and firm pats are delivered to each other's backs. Small whispers you can’t pick up are spoken between the two.

“Thanks for coming man.”

“For sure. Alright, I’m heading out. See you guys around.”

Waving at him from the porch, Din walks up behind you and grabs your hips.

Sighing, you relax into his embrace. His fingertips massage circles into your hips and his head rests on your shoulder.

“What is it?”

“I- uh, I think you promised me a gift earlier.” He pulls you back against his hips and you gasp at the way he’s poking your back.

“Already?”

“I can’t help it!”

Giggling you let him pull you inside. “Alright sit down and watch your show.”

“A show? Now I’m really excited!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Part: A Day Spent Alone

Hehehe I had too much fun writing this one. I hope you guys liked it!

As always, feedback is mega appreciated.

Love you all, Lordy :)  

(Cara calling you mama is my new favorite thing)

Masterlist

Taglist: @ficthots @along-the-lines-of-space @jedi-jesi​ 

If you want to be added/removed from my taglist, just give me a holler! :) 

[lilac-melody]

Breaking Down Sia’s Movie

Okay, so I watched Sia’s movie “Music”. And I bear witnessed how awful it truly is. So before I get into this, here’s some warnings:

1. This is going to be a long post

2. There will be mentions of restraint scenes and how they’re handled as well as images. View at your own discretion.

3. There are Spoilers so if for some godforsaken reason you WANT to see this movie...don’t click “keep reading”

Okay, so before I get into the actual contents of the movie let me say the characters all suck. Not a single character was likable and the plot was barely coherent. The main character, Kazu (or just “Zu”) is a recovering alcoholic and she’s just,,, all around not a good person. She’s very irresponsible.

Ebo, her love interest, is also shitty. Not only is his character based on racism to make the white girl look heroic and brave, but he doesn’t actually know how to take care of Music, the autistic girl.

There was also this weird subplot with this fat Asian guy but we’ll get to that later.

And another thing to address there’s like about roughly 10 music videos sprinkled in throughout the movie??? And almost all except ONE of them were extremely bright and colorful and each time I had to keep looking away. Not only that but ALL of the transitions from “reality to music” was always very sudden and has sent me into sensory overload.

And one last thing before we dive into this- Music stims a lot. And yet in her music videos in her mind, she’s not stimming...like, at all. Considering Sia researched with AutismSpeaks, I’m sure she has the idea that stimming is a bad thing.

So the movie begins with Blackface and immediately we jump into extreme bright lights and music. Music wakes up, and we get a feel of her daily routine. Get up, eat eggs, have her hair braided, go on a walk, come home, watch tv, go to bed. (Or at least that’s the generalization of it) And I DO mention this schedule because it’s important later.

As we already know, Music (who is played by Maddie Ziegler, a neurotypical actress) has very exaggerated movements. She has this very weird way of walking and constantly looks like she’s doped up on medications and is high off her ass.

Everyone around her treats her like a toddler, being overly friendly and being all around accepting and caring of her.

Now I bring this up because that in itself is already problematic. It makes neurotypical people think “oh it must be great being autistic people will buy you things, give you free stuff and you’re so unaware!” when this is the furthest thing from reality. If people saw someone like Music out and about, they would be giving her dirty looks, they wouldn’t buy her free things, they’d move away from her.

Autistic people are not that accepted into society. You’re more likely to get cussed out than helped.

So Music returns home, and finds her grandmother, her previous caretaker, dead on the ground. She has no reaction, just smiling and giggling away and sits down.

One thing I noticed about Music is that she’s literally always stimming. Like, LITERALLY always. There is not a single moment on screen where she’s NOT stimming. And that’s not to say it’s bad but it feels way too forced and honestly? It felt and looked more like a mockery of autistic people who need to stim often.

So George, a man next door, came over to help fix something in the apartment. And it was only After he came in that Music got worried about her grandma. Or at least she was lowkey panicking. This is when Zu comes into the movie and gets a call and has to now come take care of Music.

Also apparently the fat Asian neighbor would??? Flash a flashlight in her room while she’s in bed and move it around as if she was some sort of cat??? I’m pretty sure that scene was just an excuse to launch into the second music video of the movie.

So Music wakes up and echoes “Make you eggs” to Zu, who makes her eggs. Remember the routine I mentioned? How Music gets her hair braided as she’s eating? Well, as Zu’s going back to bed, Music starts echoing “Braid your hair”. Zu doesn’t know how.

So Sia incorporated a meltdown scene of Music being stressed of the routine is being broken. Music starts hitting her head and thrashing around screaming “braid your hair” repeatedly. Zu not knowing what to do tries to pin her against the wall and was literally screaming at her to calm down.

And this is where we met Ebo, Zu’s love interest. He noticed Music having a meltdown and...well...

Zu questions if he’s hurting Music and...

And after that, everything is suddenly all perfectly fine because Music understands that Ebo doesn’t want her hurt and she needs to calm down. And it’s also wonderfully okay because he can braid her hair. She goes back to breakfast as if nothing happened.

Obviously this is extremely problematic. Restraining autistics during a meltdown is a very sure way to kill them. If a neurotypical is reading this and is doubtful, here is one instance of an autistic boy being restrained and killed.

After that, Zu and Ebo follow Music on her walk to get to know her route. After returning, Zu makes a comment about how she’s thinking about sending Music to a “people pound” and then adds “oh but I guess I can keep her”??? Honestly if you took this scene out of context I’d be wondering if they were actually talking about a fucking animal.

Zu later finds some of her old toys and talks to Music about them and mentions how someone “has seizures just like Music”.

Um...when did Music have seizures? This was NEVER brought up prior to this and it will never be mentioned throughout the movie. A meltdown! Is not! A seizure!!

The movie follows Zu around being irresponsible, borrowing money, and so forth.

And then we get to the park scene. Hey remember the first meltdown scene? Music had a meltdown about her routine being broken? Yeah that doesn’t happen. Zu flat out says that the change of route is good for her and Music just happily goes along with it with that dopey ass expression on her face.

Ebo explains that Music wears her headphones “because her hearing is so sensitive she can hear whispering from two rooms away”. First of all, we autistic people are NOT superhuman.

After he says that he says “she can understand everything we are saying” and yet they literally have to repeat themselves several times to get her to understand. They don’t treat her like she understands them. They treat her like a two year old who doesn’t know any better. That was literally the vibe I got throughout the entire movie, especially at some later scenes.

So Music sees some kids running around and that sends her into a meltdown. And Zu wants Ebo to restrain her like he did at the apartment and...um.

Ooooooookayyyyyy. Yeah, that’s your problem??? Okay make the tall white girl be a “hero” then.

Oh yeah just like that!

Also what the fuck is Music’s expression here??? This is a normal look for her throughout the movie and she’s having a Meltdown.

Oh and after Music “calms down” from the meltdown??? She’s back to being 100% PERFECTLY HAPPY.

AGAIN, NEUROTYPICALS, DO NOT THINK THIS IS OKAY!!!!! NONE OF US ARE LIKE THAT!!! IF YOU RESTRAIN AN AUTISTIC YOU WILL MAKE THEM PANIC MORE AND POSSIBLY KILL THEM!!!

So, we keep going on with the movie, following Zu continuing to be irresponsible and frustratingly impossible to care about.

And at one point, she has to bring Music with her to this place where she “works”. And on the way there she tells Music to “not do one of her freakouts and just get it out now”.

Um...so sorry that a meltdown is causing YOU trouble??? A MELTDOWN IS NOT A FUCKING TANTRUM!!!!!!!!!

Later, when walking, Music wanted a snowcone, so Zu got her one. While she was getting her one, Music, QUITE LITERALLY OUT OF NOWHERE, lays on the ground under the bench and starts to eat gum from it.

...Um. What??? Why??? To show us how “hard” it is being with an autistic girl??? Literally what was the point of this scene???

So, afterwards, Music gets stung by a bee, which she’s allergic to. Zu restrained her while she was screaming, though it was brief, it was still uncomfortable. She gets brought to the hospital and she’s gonna be okay because she had an EpiPen with her.

But the doctors say that Zu’s occupation is empty for the insurance.

And here’s where I got from pissed and annoyed to downright uncomfortable.

Zu realizes her bag is missing and for several minutes, she literally starts screaming in pure anger and frustration, at home she’s searching, throwing things, kicking things, screaming some more...

Like WHY isn’t ZU being restrained??? Why is it acceptable for her to do that but it’s bad for Music to have a meltdown??? Honestly when Zu started screaming and throwing things, I actually flinched.

Oh also during these scenes the fat Asian kid was taking Ebo’s boxing class and hugged his opponent during a match and I guess at his apartment his parents argued about that (they didn’t include subtitles on that bit as they were speaking another language....nice. Note the sarcasm.)

and the dad literally attacks his wife and throws his son aside...and the fat Asian kid dies.

So like...what was the point of the kid dude??? No, seriously, what was the point? To buy Music a watermelon pop at the start of the movie??? We didn’t get ANY information about him or ANYTHING. And he just up and dies. Like if you take all his scenes out of the movie, nothing would change.

While the kid’s dying, Zu’s so stressed that she gets drunk and tries to talk to Ebo, but she gets loud and emotional and a neighbor comes out and Zu drunkenly attacks him.

Oh, so even if Zu is drunk and attacking people, pushing them, etc, SHE doesn’t get restrained. She just gets told stop. Okay. Sure.

Zu goes to a bar, returns home after another annoying music number, and makes Music her breakfast before she goes on her walk.

Ebo visits, and he practically says “aight I’mma focus on my own health I’m out”.

Zu starts becoming actually clean after that, she and Music staying with George.

There was pretty much just a dumb montage of her life after that??? One bit was Music having ANOTHER meltdown (for unexplained reasons) and Zu grabbing her yelling to calm down.

After some time Zu decides to drop Music off at a mental health facility, and when they were there, Music suddenly starts saying “don’t go sis” and “sit down now”.

Hold up.

So this movie is telling me that Music is nonverbal, but she can say some phrases, and also she understands what’s going on and YET NO ONE IN THIS ENTIRE MOVIE HAS TREATED HER LIKE SHE’S A HUMAN BEING WHO KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON...suddenly, out of nowhere, she knows what’s going on. She suddenly knows she’s about to be left alone and suddenly she can talk more than repeated phrases.

I...I don’t think that’s how that works there, chief!

Zu changes her mind and she and Music go to the wedding that Ebo is at. Ebo is a guest at his brother and ex-wife’s wedding. (Which he mentioned earlier in the film and said he’ll tell Zu the rest of his story later which he never does btw)

and while he’s on stage finishing his speech, which is about how he doesn’t know what love is, Zu and Music come running in and Zu goes up on stage and basically tells him she’s now clean and she’s learning to love. And suddenly Ebo’s in love with Zu and introduces her to his entire family at the wedding, share a kiss and then everyone started clapping.

...No, I’m not kidding. Everyone was applauding them. At his brother’s wedding.

They start to play a song, but then Music starts kinda quietly kinda brokenly singing, it was hard to hear but yeah.

And then it cuts to another bright music video and the movie THANKFULLY ENDS.

GOD. That was so frustrating to watch.

I hated the characters, I hated the plot, I hated how Sia chose to “represent” autistic people, it was all a one, big, irritating MESS.

And in the end, do we learn ANYTHING about autism??? NO.

In fact, if I was a neurotypical with NO knowledge of autism, I would assume autism makes you some stupid 2 year old that you need to restrain when they’re stressed.

I wish I was kidding.

Just because some autistics are incapable of fully taking care of themselves doesn’t mean they’re just “teehee brain empty everyone around me is in a super bright music video!” like what the fuck???

This movie was problemtic, offensive, and WHY is it titled “MUSIC” when literally Zu is the protagonist??? Zu is the protagonist, her main story is about her and Ebo falling in love, and her subplot was...taking care of Music.

And then the mini subplots of the movie too. I genuinely don’t understand the point of the Asian kid. And Once, Ebo mentioned needing medication but they never bring THAT up again either.

Even if you erased Music’s character entirely in this movie and it wasn’t about a recovering alcoholic taking care of her autistic sister, the movie would be trash, poorly made, poorly executed, poorly directed.

And, the site I used did NOT add any warnings about restraint NOR did it say “hey don’t restrain autistics in a meltdown” or anything. And considering this movie had 4 RESTRAINT SCENES (2 of them being fleshed out and the others being quicker)...that’s pretty bad.

All around, this movie was awful.

-50/10, I would sooner watch 2019′s Cats.

[dulce-pjm]

drunk in love

word count: 3.6k

genre: fluff, angst

summary: it’s that time of the year again. you’re drunk and jungkook is taking you home. but he has bigger concerns than whether or not you’ll puke on his shoes. 

Jungkook is exhausted. 

It may only be ten p.m., but after spending all day in the library working on his paper on the political climate in 18th century Europe, piggybacking you back to your apartment is the last thing he could possibly want to do. His mind and body are screaming for rest. But here he is. Dealing with your drunk ass. 

“Have you ever thought about adopting a monkey?” You yell your question despite being inches from Jungkook’s ear, making him flinch. 

“A monkey? Is that even legal?” he replies incredulously, nearly shouting at you to calm down when you start bouncing excitedly. He doesn’t doubt he’ll have back problems after this. 

“I dunno but they’re just so cute.” Jungkook rolls his eyes. “I saw a video of someone with a pet monkey and I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”

“They might be cute but they stink.” You poke your cheek with your finger and smirk.

“Hmmm, just like you?” Jungkook scoffs incredulously in spite of the smile forming on his face. 

“I’m gracious enough to carry you home and this is how you treat me?” 

“Kidding! I’m kidding, Jungkook.” You press your nose into his shirt and breathe in deeply, making his stomach flutter. “You smell nice. Like Tide detergent.”

Jungkook wonders how he even got himself wrapped up in your mess. Let himself get dragged and strung along beside you. Actually, no. He doesn’t have to wonder. He knows exactly how. 

It was a year ago when Jungkook made the mistake of letting you in. 

The two of you happened to be at the same frat party. Jungkook knew of you, knew that you and his roommate, Taehyung, were close. But he’d never spent much time speaking to you other than directing you to his roommate’s room when you happened to stop by. That is, until he excused himself to go to the bathroom and on the way back out, quite literally ran smack into you. 

“Ow! My god,” you shouted, rubbing your forehead with the heel of your hand. “What are you, made of steel?” Jungkook might have blushed at the comment if he wasn’t so desperate to get out of here. 

“Sorry, I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed. The lighting was just bright enough for him to make out your smudged lipstick and panicked expression. 

“It’s fine, I just need to get in the bathroom.” Jungkook didn’t question it and attempted to sidestep around you, but as he did, you were quickly yanked with him. 

“Ow! Shit!” You hissed, grasping at your head. Upon looking down, Jungkook realized that during your collision, your hair had been caught and tangled into his jacket. The strands had somehow wrapped themselves all around the zipper, not going anywhere soon. 

“Oh, god. I’m really sorry.” His fingers fumbled to remedy the situation but you batted him off, attempting to untangle the pieces of hair. 

“It’s okay, it’s not your-” You froze, peering over his shoulder. His back was now facing the hallways that led to the rest of the party, but before he could turn his head and follow your gaze, he was abruptly pulled back into the bathroom, stumbling as he went.  

“Wha-”

“Quick! Shut the door!” Jungkook found himself complying, though he wasn’t sure why. You reached around him to flick on the lights, and that’s when he fully recognized you. 

“Y/N?” You weren’t fazed in the slightest, only returning to working at the strands still caught in his jacket. 

“Hey... How have you been?” you asked, as if that were a normal thing to do right now. You didn’t even attempt a smile. Your tongue poked out of your mouth as you concentrated, carefully unknotting your hair. 

“I- What? I’m okay. Are you okay? What was all that about?” You sighed, almost as if you’d just expected him to silently go along with your antics and then go on his merry way. 

“Ahh, sorry. I was running from an ex and saw him heading this way. And I’m kind of attached to you at the moment, so...” Jungkook nodded in understanding. He’d definitely had some poor encounters with his exes before, so he had sympathy for your situation, though he wasn’t particularly happy to be trapped in the bathroom with you for the time being. 

“It’s okay, I get it. I hope things didn’t end too badly...” You shrugged, still focused on the task in front of you. 

“He was getting too clingy, so I ended it before things got out of hand. But I guess he still has feelings for me, because he’s been telling me he still loves me for the past hour. It’s exactly like one of his drunk voicemails but I can’t just ignore and delete it this time.” Jungkook’s jaw dropped. He wasn’t sure what exactly he expected you to say, but it was not that. Jungkook found himself thinking you were... cool? Maybe a bit heartless too, but he didn’t know the relationship, so he wouldn’t judge. 

“Oh. Damn.” You laughed. 

“Damn is right.” You pulled the last of your hair from Jungkook’s zipper, leaving him impressed you’d managed to get it all without having to cut any off. “Well, thanks for letting me hide. I’ll be on my way now!” You brushed past him, back into the fray. Jungkook followed you out, but, for the second time tonight, quickly found himself being shoved back into the bathroom. 

“Woah!” You slammed the door shut behind you, flicking on the lights again. “What are you doing? Y/N?”

“I need a favor,” you hissed. “He’s down the hall waiting for me.”

“Y/N?! Please, just talk to me! I miss you, okay! Is that what you want to hear?” A muffled voice called from behind the door, words slurred from inebriation. You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

“I’m not nearly drunk enough for this. You know, I was just about to do the keg chug before now!” Jungkook felt like he was buffering, unable to think properly and at your mercy. It was all moving so fast. 

“I love you!” The mystery ex started pounding on the door, but all you could manage to do was roll your eyes. Jungkook looked back and forth between you and the door, still unable to keep up with the situation. He felt more like a bystander, an extra in the movie that was your life. 

“Okay, I have a plan. Follow my lead.” Before Jungkook could question further, you threw open the door, nearly causing the man on the other side to fall forward into the bathroom. 

“Y/N!” The man immediately started smiling, that is until his eyes slid to Jungkook’s. He was clearly drunk out of his mind, his brown hair tousled and eyes glassy. He flashed Jungkook a confused and worried look.

“Jackson, you have to stop,” you began, putting two hands in front of you. “You’re drunk and I’m dating Jungkook now.” You threw an arm around his midsection and pulled him into you. “And if you don’t quit, I’ll have him beat your ass.”

Jackson looked appalled, glancing back and forth between the two of you in drunken confusion. 

“Wh- what?” Feeling like he had no other choice, Jungkook spoke up.

“Uh... yeah. Back off.” You nodded vigorously in approval. 

“Please?” Jungkook added. 

Jackson looked at you. He looked at Jungkook. And then he started crying.

“I- I just care about you so much, Y/N.” Big, fat baby tears slid down his cheeks as swiped away at the snot dripping from his nose. Jungkook was panicking, but you merely groaned. 

“I know, I know. But Jackson-” You took him by the shoulders. “You can do so. much. better. You’re hot. You’re smart. And there’s a whole bunch of girls out there who’d love to chat you up. You gotta move on. I know you can.” 

“I can’t!” he wailed, sobbing into his hoodie sleeve. 

“You can. I promise it’ll be okay. And you’ll feel a lot better in the morning.” You spoke to him like a preacher giving their sermon, your eyes alight and confident. 

“Really?” Jackson was captivated by your words (actually, more like captivated by you) and relishing in your touch. 

“Really. Why don’t you go talk to Irene for a while? She’s nice. She’ll make you feel better than I will.” Jackson nodded, wiping away at the last of his tears and straightening his posture. 

“Okay. I will.”

“Then go!” You spun him around and gave him a gentle push before he stumbled back into the main area of the party. 

“Well, that’s over.” Jungkook started, having forgotten he wasn’t a fly on the wall simply observing the whole ordeal. 

“I- You-” Jungkook’s eyes were wide, like a deer caught in the headlights. “That was terrifying. And kind of amazing.” You shrugged. 

“Not particularly.” Jungkook is both appalled and astounded at the same time. Not one part of him understands how you managed to both berate your ex into tears and then life coach him into moving on. All while, at minimum, tipsy. 

The two of you made your way back to the party, Jungkook in shock while you were unfazed. 

“You know, Jungkook-” His head whipped to yours, afraid he was about to be scolded for his poor acting skills. “You’re pretty cool. Let’s be friends.” You stuck out your hand.

Jungkook wondered if this was all a fever dream. That he’d wake up tomorrow and realize none of it ever happened. 

“I- okay?” Jungkook reluctantly took your hand and shook it. He couldn’t help but feel like he was making a deal with the devil. 

And that’s how it all began. 

Day after day for the past year, Jungkook found himself dragged into your life, stuck in your orbit.

The two of you shared a required biology class, and suddenly you were partners. And then you were studying together and getting to know each other. 

You ran into each other at your mutual favorite coffee shop, so then it became tradition to text each other before heading that direction. You often spent hours studying together in the small cafe, since it was almost always empty except for you two and another student who also frequented the place. 

You realized how close your apartments were and now you and Jungkook walked to classes together. 

It took no time at all for Jungkook to quickly find himself assuming the role of your best friend, which meant being there for you throughout your shenanigans and helping clean up the disasters you created. 

But it’s not like he particularly minded. 

While his first encounter made him entirely afraid of you, Jungkook quickly learned that you were no one to fear, just noncommittal. All bark but no bite. And you made good company. The two of you shared music tastes and often nerded out over comics and dramas together. He spent more Friday nights than he could count holed up in your apartment, binging horror movies with you and yelling at the characters for being idiots. 

And Jungkook knew you took care of him. You often thought he was too uptight, too stressed about everything. So when you sensed he was getting too worked up, you were the one who dragged him out of his bedroom and back to reality. Before you, Jungkook solved most of his problems by simply getting hammered and then creating a whole other slew of problems for himself while intoxicated. That’s not to say that your therapy sessions didn’t also often involve alcohol, but you were always able to give the constructive and honest advice Jungkook needed before the two of you got drunk out of your minds. 

Jungkook took care of you, too. Your trust in him was absolute and unwavering. Though sometimes Jungkook found himself slightly regretting allowing you to build that trust. 

Like now. 

“You’re so cute, Jungkook, you know that?” Jungkook’s fingers clench (which makes you cry out in pain as his hands were also supporting your thighs), but he doesn’t respond. You were poking at his cheeks now and giggling absurdly, your hair blowing in the chilly November breeze. It was nice, content, peaceful. He should have been enjoying himself, aside from the fact that he was lugging your weight around

There was just one problem. 

Jungkook was in love with you. And he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

He had been for some time now, though it wasn’t until recently that he realized the true extent of his feelings for you. 

The two of you had been watching some cheesy rom-com when he caught sight of your face in the dim glow of the television. 

“People who love each other don’t miss each other like this!” the male lead cried, confronting the female lead in the rain.  “Every time I get a phone call and it’s not from you, I’m disappointed. When someone walks through the door, it’s always you I hope I see. It’s always been you.”

And with your head in his lap, half-asleep while his fingers ran through your hair, Jungkook started thinking. Which, according to you, was never a good thing. 

Those lines had struck a chord with Jungkook, though he wasn’t sure why. He wasn’t sure why until he realized that he missed you the exact same way. You were always the person on his mind. He quite often found himself wondering where you were, if you’d gotten yourself into trouble, if you wanted to get coffee...

And as the male lead finally professed his love and reunited with his ex-fiancée, Jungkook realized he was in love with you. Completely and unequivocally. 

“Pfft,” you scoffed, laughed even. It was a harsh, abrasive sound that tore through Jungkook’s thoughts. “That was stupid.” Jungkook’s heart was beating in his throat.

“Hahaha... Yeah, for real.”

“Wanna watch something else?”

“Uh, sure.”

Jungkook knew he was fucked. 

And now, with you nuzzling into his shoulder and showering him with compliments, Jungkook felt just as hopeless and panicked as he did that night. You’d wormed your way into his life over the past year and now there was no backing out.

“I just wanna wrap you in a hug and never let you go,” you murmur, playing with his hair. “You’re like a teddy bear.”

“And you’re drunk.” It’s all he can manage to say. 

The wind blows, the moon shines. It’s a beautiful night. Jungkook wishes he had the courage to tell you that you were beautiful. 

But Jungkook’s a coward. After all, he’d seen the way you’d tossed Jackson aside, tossed several other men aside when things got too serious. You didn’t do serious relationships. You didn’t do serious at all. So you certainly didn’t do love. 

If Jungkook wanted to keep you around, which he desperately did, he could never. ever. admit how he felt. 

“Jungkook.” You tap on his shoulder as if he weren’t the only person around. “Jungkook.”

“Yes, Y/N?” You sigh, pressing your forehead onto his back, fingers still carding through his hair. 

“I’m so sad.”

“Yeah,” he replies. “I could tell earlier.” He knows you well enough to be able to have seen the hurt in your expression when you showed up at his and Taehyung’s place a few hours earlier, pregamed and ready to go. 

“You could?!” you shout. Jungkook flinches. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“Because you wouldn’t have told me!” he replies defensively. “You would have scolded me for asking. And you don’t like to talk about it when you’re sad, so I let it go. I mean, you definitely don’t talk to me about it when you’re sad.” You huff, beginning to fiddle with the neckline of his shirt, making Jungkook gulp. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your voice wavering. Jungkook glances back to see a single tear rolling down your cheek, making him begin to panic. Now there was two things Jungkook had never seen you do. You didn’t apologize, never took responsibility for your actions. And he’d never seen you cry. While alcohol made some people an emotional mess, it only ever made you excited and clingy and talkative. Not emotional.

“What? It’s okay! I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No!” you cry as more and more tears begin spilling from your eyes.  “That’s not why I’m sad!”

“Then why are you sad?” Jungkook doesn’t know what to do, this has never happened before. He's glad no one else is around, because this situation would not look great for him and you’d lose your shit knowing multiple people saw you cry, not just Jungkook.

“Because-” You sniffle, trying to calm yourself down. “Because I like this guy. So. Much.” Jungkook’s eyes widen. He didn’t know that. His stomach begins sinking. You didn’t ‘like’ people or cry over them. They did that for you. 

“Oh.”

“And he’ll never ever like me back, I know it for sure.” You sob softly into his shirt, reminiscent of that night he met you a year ago. Despite the anxious feeling in his chest, Jungkook’s heart breaks for you. You don’t deserve this. “I’m too mean.”

“You’re not mean.”

“I am, Jungkook! I’m mean and selfish and he doesn’t want me.” You hiccup.

“It’ll be okay,” he says, soothingly. 

“Will it, Jungkook?” You ask him like it’s a prayer, like you’re pleading with a higher power for help.

“It will. You can do better.” He reuses the words you’d used on your previous exes, but instead of cheering you up, they only make you sob harder. 

“But I can’t. He’s so perfect and sweet and-” The words choke in your throat and you continue crying and sniffling, unable to elaborate further, which Jungkook is grateful for. He doesn’t know if he can take you going on and on about your dream guy. The guy that isn’t him. Jungkook observes that despite your increasing emotion, you still manage to be contained when you cry. Restraining yourself in even your most vulnerable moments. Jungkook sighs.

“I understand.” The words slip out before he thinks better of it.

“You do?” It’s too late now, he supposes. Your choked sobs stop for a moment as your attention shifts to him, so Jungkook continues before you can be consumed by your own sorrow again. 

“I- yeah. There’s this girl I’ve liked for a while now. I think I might love her, actually. But she’ll never think of me the same way.” Jungkook doesn’t notice the way you bite your lip, forcing yourself not to cry more. Or the way you smother another sob with your hand. Even in your drunken state, protecting him is your top priority. 

“I’m sorry, Jungkook.” Your breaths are starting to even out, your sniffles being exchanged for shallow hiccups. 

“It’s okay. Because you know, at the end of the day we still have each other,” he glances back at you, who is completely enamored by his words. “Right?” A small smile itches its way into your feature. 

“Right.” You wrap your arms around his figure, taking comfort in his strong arms and kind words. And then you giggle. “You’re never getting rid of me, you know that?” Jungkook laughs, the sound tinkling and echoing in the night. 

“Oh, I know it.” You giggle more with him, returning to combing your fingers through his soft black hair. 

“I love you, Jungkook.” 

There’s a prolonged pang in Jungkook’s heart, a pain that makes him want to burst into tears just like you were a moment ago. It’s because he knows that when you say ‘I love you,’ you’ll never mean it the way he wants you to. 

The rest of the walk to your apartment goes over smoothly. You continue rambling on about whatever pops into your head next, from pumpkin pie to those gross subway bathrooms to how cute you think Jungkook is. 

Jungkook nods along, entertaining your antics. But inside, he feels like absolute shit. 

As he tucks you in, he wishes you were sober and asking him to stay. As he turns off the lights, he wishes the two of you were exchanging kisses. As he walks out the door, he wishes he didn’t feel like this. Helpless. Miserable. Tired. 

“Wait, Jungkook!” He spins around, surprised you’d been able to clamber out of bed and into the apartment complex hallway without falling on your face. But he doesn’t have too much time to think about it before you grab his cheeks and press your lips onto his. 

Jungkook is frozen, eyes wide while your eyes are half-lidded, lips itching to stretch into a grin. The kiss is slobbery and sloppy, drunken and clumsy. Jungkook’s hands find purchase on your waist before enough seconds have passed for him to think and he immediately pulls away.

“Y/N?!” You smile, your thumbs rubbing circles into his cheeks. 

“Thank you,” you whisper before giggling. “I love you so much.” You step back into the apartment before Jungkook can react and close the door. He can hear your laugh chiming as you stumble away to your room, letting out a whoop of joy before going completely silent. 

It isn’t until Jungkook’s cheeks start aching that he realizes he’s smiling like an idiot. 

He walks back to his apartment in a daze. He wonders if you’ll remember this in the morning. 

The last thought that passes through his mind before his head hits the pillow is that maybe he’s not so fucked after all.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

[gukieoppa]

not again | pt.1

➢ summary: he wanted a challenge, a good, innocent fuck, so why did his heart race at the sight of her?

➢ genre: romance, following angst and fluff, (as of now) no nsfw planned, college au

➢ pairing: fuckboy!jungkook x reader

➢ warnings: cursing, fluff, mentions of sex, body image insecurities

➢ note: i did this instead of homework and paying attention to class lmao. also it’s only 1.55k so i’m sorry if you wanted a longer chapter but expect short chapters from me because i’m not an excellent writer. i also decided to post this today because i’m going on trip to the beach for three days and i don’t know when i’ll have time to write. oof.

← teaser & pt.2 →

◇ ◇ ◇

Ever since you met Jeon Jungkook, you couldn’t get him out of your mind. His face was the only thing you could see when you closed your eyes. You finally understood why he was so popular, but that didn’t mean you would associate yourself with him even further. 

Truthfully, you didn’t go to the library after you talked to Jungkook. You went straight back to your dorm, catching a glimpse of his figure as you walked to the building. His figure, though, wasn’t alone. A silhouette of, what you assumed to be, a girl was beside him, their lips locked. You grunted and felt sickened by the sight, reminding yourself that it was better to have distance.

Jungkook, on the other hand, wanted to get closer to you, but he was afraid. Evidently by his title, he didn’t do relationships, but when it came to you, he felt something different: a feeling of need and possessiveness. That was why, when you were out of his sight, he pulled the closest girl who was ogling him to the nearest bathroom.

A good fuck was the only thing Jungkook felt he could cope with.

◇ ◇ ◇

Park Hyejin: you loved to hate her. She was your dorm mate, best friend, and so-called stylist. She’d always wanted to major in fashion, but her parents never allowed her, saying it wasn’t a stable job choice. That led her into the business major and to meeting you. 

◇ ◇ ◇

You saw a brunette sitting on a bench, crying her eyes out. Seeing as you had just had a pretty shitty day as well, you approached her.

“Sky looks nice,” you commented, standing beside the bench with your arms crossed.

The sky was plain. Nothing but smooth, grey clouds filled the sky. Though the sky itself was dull, the red and orange leaves made up for it. The autumn leaves desperately hung onto the tree branches, some blown off at the slightest breeze. 

You heard the girl let out a choked laugh, “Sure does.”

“Bad day?” You asked, looking over at her. She nodded, her brunette hair bouncing at the movement.

She wore a cream, knit cardigan atop of a black mock neck that was tucked into a brown, plaid, pleated skirt. Her shoes were basic combat boots, but they finished the outfit with a punch. 

“Aren’t you a little overdressed to be sulking on campus?” You teased, seeing as you were only in an oversized hoodie and sweats.

She let out a quiet sigh, “I guess, but what better way to display my fashion if I can’t pursue it?”

“May I give some feedback on the outfit?” You asked, feeling as if her outfit was missing a piece.

The girl sat up, improving her posture, “Please do.”

Your hand rested on your hip, “Though the overall outfit is gorgeous and much better than I could ever put together, I feel like there’s something missing.” Your finger rested on your chin as you thought. Then, it came to you, “A hat! Yes, that’s what's missing. Specifically, a beige beret. If you don’t like hats, though, you could put in those long hair clips things on the side of your head. Know what I mean?”

She perked up at your suggestion, “That’s actually a great idea! Are you secretly into fashion?”

That made you laugh.

“If I were into fashion, I wouldn’t wear the same pair of sweats every other day,” she grimaced in disgust.

“I should style you, then,” she smiled.

“I’ll have to think about it,” you suddenly realized that the pair of you hadn’t properly introduced yourselves. “By the way, I’m Y/N L/N. You are?”

“Park Hyejin,” she smiled and stuck out her hand for you to shake. You shook her hand, a warm smile on both of your faces.

◇ ◇ ◇

“You talked to Jungkook? Jeon Jungkook?” She laughed loudly.

“Yes, I talked to him, but he approached me first,” you frowned at the girl you called your best friend.

“Doesn’t matter! You still talked to him,” she smirked, “So, how was it? Talking to the Jungkook?”

“Quite boring, not going to lie. We just made small talk, and, I kid you not, after talking for about five minutes, he suddenly said that he needed to leave,” you said, an unimpressed look plastered onto your face.

“Only five minutes? You must’ve been boring,” she snorted. 

You glared at her, “Me? Boring? Never, but I did see him devouring some girl’s face when I was coming back to the dorms.”

“Damn, he moves fast,” the two of you shared a mutual laugh.

◇ ◇ ◇

Jungkook was already on his third bottle of beer when Jimin burst into the house, whining about the lack of sex he had because of homework.

Park Jimin was one of Jungkook’s closest friends, apart from Kim Taehyung. Jimin also enjoyed one night stands, but he never went to the extent of Jungkook. Instead of spending every Friday night partying and getting drunk off his ass, Jimin would occasionally spend his time at the dance studio practicing. 

“Just pick up a random girl,” Jungkook slurred.

Jimin looked over at his intoxicated friend, “Drinking already? What happened?”

Jungkook let out a sarcastic laugh, “What do you mean? Can’t I drink when I want?”

“Alright, so this isn’t about that girl I saw you talking to this afternoon,” Jungkook’s head snapped over to look at the ash grey haired man.

“What?” The brunette seethed.

“Haven’t seen you talk to a girl like that in a while,” Jimin sighed, “What’s up? You know you can tell me.”

“Just leave me alone, hyung,” Jungkook groaned.

“She'll be good for you,” Jimin whispered before leaving the maknae to himself.

◇ ◇ ◇

“Taehyung,” you shouted, jogging over to your friend and study buddy. You hopped onto his back, arms wrapping around his torso, eliciting an “oof” from him.

“Y/N/N,” he looked over his shoulder to smile at you.

“How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while,” you pouted.

“We literally saw each other like 5 days ago,” he said in disbelief.

“That’s 5 days too long.”

You hopped off of the blonde’s back and walked in front of him, “Hyejin dressed me up again,” he let out a small laugh, “Hey! What do you think? The outfit itself is gorgeous, but on me, it looks like, well, it just looks bad. I feel like I’m a walking potato.”

You were very self-conscious about your body, seeing as your best friend had the body of a model. It wasn’t that you didn’t go to the gym and work hard to have your desired body, it was that your expectations became harder to achieve as each day passed. 

“If you’re a walking potato, then what are the other girls? Moving trash cans?”

You gasped and slapped his arm, “You can’t say that! That’s rude.”

“I’m only speaking the truth,” he huffed, “I can’t deny it. You look fucking hot in that outfit,” he bit his lip and let his eyes roam your body.

“Ey! Eyes up here, buddy,” you slapped the side of his head lightly, earning a chuckle from him. “But seriously, are you sure I don’t look fat?”

“Y/N/N, you’re not fat. You’re gorgeous on the inside and out. I’m being completely honest right now,” you looked at your feet, “You need to treat yourself better. You don’t see all the jealous glares girls send your way because you always take the breath away from other guys.”

You gave him a weak smile, “Thanks, Tae. Love you.”

“Love you, too, princess,” he teased.

Laughing and shaking your head, you grab his arm, “Do you have time to help me study tonight?”

“Study?” He smirked, “What kind of studying are you talking about?”

You gagged and pushed him away, “Never mind! I can study on my own.”

“No, wait! Come back, babe,” he chased after you as you ran away from him.

“Be gone,” you say as you get into a fighting stance.

Then in perfect sync, you both yell, “Thot!”

◇ ◇ ◇

Hand in hand, you and Taehyung approached the double story home. 

“Fair warning, it might be messy on the inside,” Taehyung spoke up.

“You live here?” You asked, flabbergasted.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “But I have two roommates who, by the way, are my best friends. They’re almost always horny, though.”

“Aren’t you always horny?” You smirked.

“Would you like to find out?” He winked, nudging your shoulder with his.

Your nose scrunched in disgust, “Gross,” he laughed, “We have work to do and not a lot of time, so let’s get it!”

You skipped over to the door, waiting for your friend to unlock the door for you. When he reached where you were, he pulled the door open without unlocking it.

“You don’t lock the door? That’s so stupid,” you scolded him.

“Oh hush. My roommates are probably home already,” he spoke as he walked into the house.

The smell of beer stung your nose, and you winced in disgust. You looked around for the source of the odor to find bottles of finished beer sitting on a table. Beside that table, though, was the culprit responsible for the placing of the empty bottles.

[latteunwoo]

svt reactions

their crush drunk confessing to them; performance unit

svt m.list

a/n: note that the boys are not idols in this reactions post. also, if some parts don’t make sense then please bare with me as i wrote this at a really late hour. the other units’ versions will be in the seventeen masterlist. 

Wen Junhui

he’s so cute i busted a fat uwu

aNYWAYS

you guys had finished final exams and someone in your group of friends had decided that you should all get together for dinner to celebrate 

of course dinner meant you will all be drinking too 

even though he wanted to drink and have fun with everyone else he knew he had to lay off the drinks for tonight because he was your ride home

or at least he wanted to be your ride home 

having a crush on you for so long, he knew how you were when you were drunk and he didn’t want you to get yourself in any kind of trouble 

so he had to make sure to watch over you 

he’s so sweet :(( 

also he didn’t really trust the other guys in your group because he knew that some of them had mentioned they had a thing for you too 

obviously you got a little too drunk than you had originally planned so jun figured it was time to take you home already 

the whole ride to your apartment was filled with you ranting about random things and jun having to shush you because he didn’t want you to end up saying something he wasn’t supposed to hear 

you continued your rant though 

all the way up to your apartment 

jun realized that there was no stopping you so he just let you continue 

putting you to bed was the hardest part 

he knew that from many many experiences before 

“i don’t wanna go to sleep” you’d protest as he helped you take your shoes off before trying to put the blanket over you 

he’d laugh then say “you have to y/n”

this always happened and he was obviously used to hearing that already

however this time was different 

“you know” you’d say trying to sit back up “you’re really cute”

“why don’t you have a girlfriend? actually no, don’t get one. i want to be your girlfriend.” 

this would make his heart stop completely 

however he’d still let out a small laugh and say “you really are drunk”

before you would argue with him about it he would tell you to go to sleep

what you said would stay on his mind for the rest of the night 

when you were awake and sober the next day, he would wait to see if you remembered what you said 

if you did then he’d of course talk to you about it and tell you he felt the same way 

if you didn’t, he wouldn’t tell you what happened even though he really wanted to talk to you about it

don’t worry though because eventually he’d give in and tell you his feelings 

Kwon Soonyoung 

why are they all so cute

anyways, it was your friend’s birthday and he had decided to invite all his friends out 

you weren’t really the type who liked to go large gatherings 

however your friend thought it was time you got out of the house for once so she dragged you there 

“all our other friends will be there too” 

friends? does that mean soonyoung will be there too? you thought as part of you panicked but another part was kind of excited because you did have a little crush on him so you have been trying to find every single excuse and opportunity to see him and possibly talk to him

i mean it wasn’t like you didn’t see him enough at school since you did have a lot of classes together

it was more like he was just so popular at school that you never really get to talk to him at all

the only times you’ve ever talked to each other during school hours was when you ended up in the same group together for an assignment or when the professor had asked the class to pass their assignments down the row and you just so happened to be a few empty seats away from soonyoung and some of your other mutual friends

“maybe this time you can actually keep a conversation with soonyoung” one of your other friends who you hadn’t seen walk into the dorm said as she nudged you, snapping you out of your trail of thought

“do you think he’d be there?” you asked as the two of them just looked at you 

“are you serious? it’s seungcheol’s birthday. why wouldn’t he be there?” one of them asked as you mentally slapped yourself across the face

let’s just say you HAD planned everything out but everything just went out the door as soon as soonyoung had sat next to you and started up a conversation with you after seungcheol was finished with his speech 

because you were so used to seeing him so outgoing all the time, you never would have guessed that he actually also had his own plan

honestly it took him a while to realize it and it took the other boys pointing it out to him as well

but he realized that he may have a big crush on you 

it started when one day after class, you had asked him if he had finished his part of the project for you other class and he had hesitated a bit to give you an answer which you took as a sign that he probably didn’t finish it yet 

he actually did finish it and he had expected himself to confidently say that he did but as soon as he looked up to see your sweet smile after you had asked him, his brain just completely started malfunctioning 

“it’s fine. just let me know when you’re finished with it so i can add it with the rest” you said as you gave him, wonwoo, and junhui a smile before bidding them goodbye and walking to your next class

“are you okay?” wonwoo asked as soonyoung

“yeah, i’m fine!” he said as he snapped out of his trance

“you like her don’t you?” junhui asked as him and wonwoo started smirking at soonyoung

“n-no, i don’t! i mean i do- no i mean-” soonyoung started stuttering as wonwoo laughed and patted his back 

“it’s fine. we kind of could already tell.”

“since when?!” hoshi asked as he lowkey started panicking

“well one thing’s for sure, you’ve never stuttered in front of a girl. especially not y/n.” wonwoo said as junhui added, “we started to notice that recently you’ve been a bit out of it when y/n comes up to talk to you”

“also you’re always staring at her whenever all of us hang out” seungcheol said as hoshi jumped from his seat and he turned to see the older male standing behind him with some of the others in their group next to him as well

“i do not!” he said defensively as they all looked at him “okay, maybe i do” he said as he sat back down, defeated from trying to argue with the others and himself that he didn’t like you more than a friend 

so there you two were, sitting next to each other with hoshi being hoshi except this time with his planned out questions and conversation starters that some of the other boys had helped him out with 

“so how’d you do on the exam?” he asked, already fully aware of the answer as you were the smartest girl he knew

“i think i did pretty good. still not sure until we get the results back” you said as you had asked him how he did 

“good. i mean, good for you and also i did good” he said as he laughed and nervously scratched the back of his neck 

“that’s good” you said as you smiled at him and started to put most of your attention back to the food that was slowly starting to grow cold from being left on the table for a little too long

eventually after everyone had finished most of their food, you all started ordering some drinks 

of course we know where this ended up going to

you were sure you had been monitoring how many drinks you’ve had but after the 4th one you started to lose track although you didn’t admit it 

"i think she’s had a little too much to drink” jeonghan said worriedly as you started randomly singing different parts of different songs simultaneously as you swayed left and right occasionally and accidentally hitting hoshi and mingyu who you were sat in the middle of in the process

“hyung, i think you should take her back to the dorms to get some rest” mingyu said to the older member as you had already started to fall asleep on hoshi’s shoulder 

“okay okay” he said as he gently pushed you to sit upright before turning you around in your seat and crouching down on the floor to carry you on his back, “i’ll see you guys later” 

the walk back to the dorms was peaceful for the most part

it mainly consisted of you softly singing, which hoshi couldn’t help but smile at 

and then you started talking about random stuff and he didn’t think much of it until he heard you start talking about a boy you liked 

“he’s really cute, funny, caring” you started rambling as he tried to figure out if it was one of the other boys in your friend group or maybe a boy in one of your classes???

eventually you ended up blurting the one clue he needed to finally put the pieces together and realize that you were talking about him

“ you like me?” he said a little too loud that it had woken you up from your dazed state

“what? no, i-”

“i like you too.” he said before you could finish.

Xu Minghao

it was pretty obvious that minghao wasn’t really one to express all of his feelings 

he just had this mysterious aura that honestly is part of the reason he had caught you attention

of course his ultimate handsomeness wasn’t the main reason why you started crushing on him

he was very artistic and talented in many styles of art

although he was a painting major, he was also very good at dance, theatre, photography, and film 

when it came to any type of art, there was literally nothing be couldn’t do

the only thing he really struggled with was group projects because although he had a good amount of friends, he wasn’t really the most social 

or better yet he was always a bit shy 

especially when it came to pretty girls like you uwu

anyways, so the two of you just so happened to be in a photography class together and your professor had told the class that you were going to be doing a group project 

you of course were excited to partner up with one of your friends 

and so was basically everyone else in the class

however, your professor said that everyone had to partner up with someone they don’t know or at least aren’t close with 

while your friends had already found their own partners, you still needed to find someone to partner up with 

you looked around the room to see if there was anyone else who still needed a partner and just when you were going to get up from your seat to ask, you felt a tap on your shoulder

you turned around to see minghao standing behind you

“hey, do you still need a partner?” he asked nervously as he scratched the back of his neck with his hand

“yeah! i do.” you said as you smiled softly at him.

“cool. do you want to be partners then?”

“of course,” you said as he smiled back at you and sat down in the seat next to yours to exchange information.

your professor had given the class about four weeks to complete the project which gave minghao lots of excuses to hang out with you

honestly ever since the semester started he was lowkey crushing on you 

since mingyu was also in a few classes with you this semester and a few of the semesters prior, he had seen you a lot whenever mingyu would invite you to hang out at the library and heard a lot about you from all the times mingyu would share funny stories about you

although his crush on you hadn’t started until the two of you had became part of the same class together

anyways, ever since you two partnered up to do a project together, not only have you two become closer but his feelings for you had also increased

now you were both at a frat party that mingyu had invited you both two because he wanted you guys to meet some of the guys from his frat 

and also lowkey wanted to try to convince minghao to join

since minghao had volunteered to be the designated driver, he didn’t really drink too much but of course since you couldn’t ever say no, you had agreed to play beer pong with some of the guys 

let’s just say by the end of the night you had a little too much to drink

“alright, let’s get you back to the dorm” minghao said as he placed you onto his back before saying his goodbyes to the other guys on his way out

“gosh you’re so heavy” he said as you two were now almost halfway back to the dorms

“and you’re so cute” you said as you rested your head on his shoulder

before minghao was going to say something, you continued talking about how you admired how passionate he is about art, how talented he is, etc.

“you know, i really do like you” you said as he felt his heart stop for a second before it started beating 10000000x faster when you had started to repeat it 

“i like you too” he said softly as he tucked you into your bed after struggling to get you inside 

part of him knew that you might forget everything you just said the next morning but the other part of him had some hope that you might remember

whatever the case, he was just happy that at least in that moment he knew that you meant it 

Lee Chan

deadass dino probably would’ve been drunk too 

i feel like dino would’ve confessed to you before you even got the chance

like usually the other members would probably treat him like their baby and stop him when they could see that he had one too many 

but this time they couldn’t help themselves

not only because it was amusing seeing dino so drunk but also because some of them were also pretty drunk

you were all sitting around the messy living room of their dorm after they had thrown a party to celebrate the end of finals

everyone else was gone so it was just the boys, you, and a few of your own friends left

instead of starting to clean up, jeonghan and hoshi had suggested that you all play a drinking game

of course with most of you guys being a little tipsy already, you all ended up agreeing to play 

dino and you seemed to be a little unlucky today as you both ended up loosing a lot which resulted in the two of you becoming a little too drunk

however he ended up being even more drunk than you because as you kept loosing he started volunteering to drink the shot for you instead because he didn’t want you become sick or anything 

“y/n you lost!” hoshi had yelled as he was about to hand the drink to you but dino had intervened and taken the drink from the older boy’s hands and drank it down himself

“oooooooohhhhhhh prince charming to the rescue” the others started saying as they started teasing dino who at this point was as red as a tomato from all the drinks he had taken for you

“you don’t have to keep taking the shots for me” you said, worried that he would burst if he took another shot 

“it’s fine as long as you don’t get sick” he said as he looked at you and smiled softly 

although you still felt really bad about not being quick enough to stop him, you couldn’t help but blush at his gestures

eventually the game started to die down and some of the more sober boys had walked your friends back to your dorms as you stayed to help get dino ready for bed 

“are you sure you’re comfortable here?” you asked as you fixed the blanket on him 

“yeah, as long as you stay here with me” dino said as he pulled his arms out from the blanket and pulled you into his arms still drunk off all the shots he had drank a few moments ago

“l-lee chan...”

“i like you”

“dino...”

“i know i’m drunk and they say that when you’re drunk sometimes the things you say are half meant but y/n i really do mean it”

“dino,” you warned him as he just hugged you tighter

“i mean it. i like you so much.” he said as he started listing all the reasons why he likes you

“i like you too” you said as you wrapped your arms around him tightly before letting go “but you’re still super drunk right now so we’ll have a more serious talk about it in the morning, okay?” you said as he just nodded his head before falling asleep and some of the other boys who had sobered up walked you back to your dorm so you can sleep more comfortably there

however of course you couldn’t sleep at all because of what dino had said

you really wished that dino would remember everything he said in the morning and have a more serious talk about it with you

and to your surprise he did remember everything

although at first he was kind of embarrassed and upset with himself that he remembered it all and that THAT was how he confessed to you, he was relieved when you two spoke in the morning and you had told him that you really do feel the same way as him

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

Abuse and Gender Expression - Gender Thoughts Part Three

Huuuuuge trigger warnings for peer abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, religious abuse, a murder attempt and mentions of self harm, suicidal ideation and an eating disorder. 18+ talk of sexual activity also included. Discretion advised!

.

I feel like the first time I realized I needed to perform high femininity to be accepted was in sixth grade. I was slotted into a rotating elective class, and the first one was a careers class. That careers class was utter hell for me. Every single day, I was tormented by an entire classroom of about twenty of my peers. I was bullied, no, abused for being fat and ugly and weird. I was called a whore, and told the only way I could ever be loved was someone raping me. Things were thrown at me, I was shoved down and tripped. I was bullied for my special interest in Transformers. I was told I was so fat and ugly I should be killed and be made into meat and cheese and fed to starving people because that was my only worth. Every single day I was told I should kill myself in varying ways. And all of that is just a quick summary. It was intense and brutal abuse for an entire semester, and I distinctly remember a day where there was a literal pool of tears on my desk. I couldn’t understand. I reached out to the teacher for help, and genuinely can’t remember exactly what he said. All I know is that he simply watched, and sometimes even joined in with “jokes” of his own. This was also the year abuse from my mother amped up, and home was a warzone--we were constantly arguing, and she became a professional at gaslighting and poking and prodding me until I exploded so I could be blamed for fighting back. My father would vacantly stand by and remind me not to fight back. This was also the year I began to self harm as a way of release. 

I remember thinking that if I looked more like the girls in my class, I wouldn’t be bullied so much. I was told I was ugly and unlovable, so I thought that if I performed more femininely, maybe I could be like those who tormented me and therefore not be a target. I thought there was something inherently wrong with the way I presented myself. I convinced my mother to take me to the store, and I bought wedge heels and gaudy jewelry I did not like to wear with my uniform--replacing my autobot necklace and sweatband. In another class I was teased for not shaving and for having ugly feet, so I learned to paint my nails, file my heels, and shave every bit of hair on my body--the echo of my father saying that since I grew pubic hair, I was now a woman and held accountable for all of my sins an echo on the cusp of my mind. I did everything in my power to be more pretty and girly. I used to be loud and rambunctious, and began to go silent and demure.

I remember walking up to the class in the new get-up that was certainly not me. I felt that I would be accepted but as I walked up...I fell flat on my ass. I couldn’t walk in the heels. They all pointed and laughed at me, and the abuse continued in even higher intensity. It was until the next semester that I fought back by throwing a desk at two of my abusers who followed me to the next rotating elective, screaming and snarling at them to leave me alone. Those two in particular stopped, but abuse from others continued for many years in many instances. I developed an eating disorder, continued self harming, and began to try and form femininity and “attractiveness” to the best of my ability. I added things like bows and kitty ears and flower crowns to my wardrobe--sure they were cute, and I did like them in a way, but it felt like putting on a costume or some sort of womanly obligation. It didn’t feel like me. Years later, I was told by someone I trusted that I was “too fat to wear pants”, which I internalized and began to only wear dresses--same thing with feeling like I was wearing a costume. I tried to be beautiful. I wanted to be butch, be myself, but I felt that if I was a cute and girly girl, demure and sweet, I wouldn’t be a target. I would be loved. 

And so I locked myself away. 

My relationship with my mother was a rocky one. She is definitely a sick and broken person, but I doubt she will ever get help. She swings between extremes, and I was always her doll and punching bag. She had a habit of pushing and pushing, finding all the littles holes in me that triggered autistic meltdowns and despair. She criticized everything about me, from my weight and height to my blaming me for how tangled my hair was. She entered me in sports and spelling bees with gentle but insisting prodding about how good I would be when I would rather be reading or playing, and when I got frustrated she would say it was my choice...when in reality I just wanted her approval. When I got older, and especially after my father killed himself, I began to fight back and question her authority though--sometimes violently. She didn’t like that, and was violent right back, and oftentimes first. I struggled my whole life with blaming myself for my outbursts and reactions, but through therapy I have learned I was a child being gaslit and abused, shown that violence was the only answer… And through therapy, I have learned to do better and grow. The worst instance of abuse was me having an autistic meltdown where I said that we should both just die and her response was to pull out a gun and point it at me--I collapsed down into our trash covered room (I was forced to share a bed with her) and pleaded with her to stop. She threatened to kill me and help me out since I was so suicidal, then turned the gun on herself and threatened to kill herself, in which I had to talk her down. When the gun was down, I fled in a flurry of tears and barely contained screams. It was truly the most horrible moment of my life, and I still struggle with the ptsd of that moment to this day. I was only fourteen.

All that background to say, my mother was extremely possessive of my body. She seemed to love to touch my breasts and butt, jerk me around, slap my butt, watch me get dressed. When I begged her to stop, she would tell me that she made that body and could do whatever she wanted to it. I found messages on her phone of her talking to guys about having sex with me and stealing my panties. She wouldn’t let me do my own hair because I couldn’t do it right. She wouldn’t let me bathe alone until I was over ten years old. I didn’t ever have my own room until I was 18 and shared it with my partner. She never let me play with my hair and kept a close eye on what I wore. This combined with my very religious Christian father, who said things like “if you know more song lyrics than bible verses when you die, you’ll go to hell” and the aforementioned accountability, along with things like letting me know he loved God more than me and always seeming to walk in while I was changing… I always felt owned by something. I never felt like my body or my identity belonged to me alone. And so it was extremely difficult to explore myself.

Sexual exploration became an outlet. I was asexual and didn’t possess sexual attraction or a desire for coital sex (still don’t), but I enjoyed kink play with my partner and playing with myself. I enjoyed porn, mostly stories. I always felt drawn to mlm porn, but never understood why. I saw myself in the big, fat men of the stories. I wished it could be me, wished I was a big hairy man like that. Wished I could be loved like that. Reading those types of erotica always got me off and made me feel relaxed and fulfilled, no matter what kink it regarded. Of course my mom would slutshame me without even knowing what I got up to, but sexual activity and pornography helped me find solace and ownership of my body. When I was aroused and taking care of myself, being taken care of, or taking care of someone else, I felt like I was finally in control of my body and my happiness. I had been sexually abused in different ways by different people throughout my life, and finding a certain safety and security in the kind of sexual activity I explored made me feel like...me. I found myself in those big men, but still didn’t make the connection that I was not cis. 

It wasn’t until many years that I began to question my gender. First nonbinary, then agender, then genderfluid, then bigender, then nonbinary again, now finally transmasc. I am autistic and struggle with a resistance to change. I have struggled with shifting my name because it feels like a betrayal to become something new. So I have become Charis instead of Charissa...but I think I may be Myles instead. Since I have struggled with abuse and feeling owned my whole life, it is scary to take my self creation into my own hands. People I am close to have expressed concern and dislike for my transition--especially my mother. I came out to her two days ago over the phone when she guessed I was transgender--or “wanted a sex change” as she put it. She outed me to her anti-lgbt boyfriend without my consent, and now they want to have a discussion. She cried and told me it was too much and she couldn’t talk yet. I am still unsure of what to do about it. I know my mother is broken, and has come far from the cruelty she was once capable of--but she still swings. I see those shattered pieces and their sharp edges and know they have the ability to cut. It is terrifying. 

Coming out, especially after so many years of abuse, has been absolutely terrifying and difficult. I am still navigating how to do it, especially with a name change. The clinic I am going to for hrt screwed up with their scheduling and had to reschedule me for later this month, a frustrating thing. I am looking forward to starting hrt, but also scared how people will treat me once those changes begin happening. Even with these fears and struggling with my interpersonal relationships...this is the greatest choice I have ever made. It is my truth and my freedom, and I will fight against that fear to become my most authentic self. I have an incredible partner by my side, and with their support and my own self love, I can do anything. 

[universallywriting]

I know ya stan connverse and this is vague, but would you write a short thing about a wlw meeting connie at college for the first time and being absolutely smitten by her?

I usually keep OCs to a minimum in fanfiction, so I don’t really know what people look for in this type of fic. I hope this is cute and has the general vibe of what you wanted!

----------

Maria was doodling in her notebook as she talked to her friend, her head still reeling. Up in the margins where she’d definitely scribble it out later, she was writing in pretty cursive lettering “I’m gay”. She was filling in the heart as she explained, “On my way to class, I bumped into Connie Maheswaran again. Except this time she said hi and remembered my name.” She laughed and she met Avalon’s eyes. “Dude I think I’m gonna cry.”

She didn’t really notice the boy settling into the seat in front of her, but when he spun around her heart stopped. He was fat like she was, though it looked like he had a lot more muscle underneath it. He could have been a sports bro type. Her hand carefully covered her doodle as he cocked his head and asked, “What’s wrong with Connie?”

Already her face was flushing as she shook her head. “Oh, God. No, she’s really nice.”

He raised an eyebrow. “So… happy tears?”

“I’m exaggerating.” She hunched over in her seat, hand still protectively over the doodle as Avalon giggled beside her. No help there, she guessed. “She’s just really cool. I mean, she’s a freshman, but she’s already in a bunch of clubs and she practically never leaves campus, so I see her around all the time.”

“She sounds alright,” the boy said with a grin. A very big grin. Maria prayed she wasn’t about to be hit on as he asked, “So what’s the big deal about her saying hi?”

Avalon cackled beside her, and Maria tried to slide her notebook off her desk without him seeing. “It’s not! I… met her in the LGBT club.”

She paused there, eying him, but he didn’t react in the slightest. A little bolder, she cleared her throat and said, “Well, um, she’s one of those people who really has a presence, you know? She’s running for secretary and it sounds like she’s actually going to get it.”

“As a freshman? Impressive. I hope she gets it.” He paused, frowning. “And I should figure out when those meetings are. I have to start signing up for clubs before it’s too late.”

Maria laughed as the weight fell off her shoulders. She leaned forward eagerly. “I’d be happy to take you there! We meet on Mondays. But you get it! Oh my gosh, she’s so cool. She plays tennis and violin and she’s apparently trying to keep it on the downlow, but she’s involved with magic stuff too.” She felt herself babbling, knowing her cheeks were still flushed as she gushed on and on, but couldn’t stop.

“Before I even met her, I saw her during one of the early orientation tours. She was asking one of the tour guides if she could have a sword if it was made of hardlight.” She groaned, her head flopping back. “That’s so cool! I can’t even imagine her fighting with a sword. I’m pretty sure my lesbian heart would literally explode on the spot.”

He raised an eyebrow. “In my experience, women who love women love swords most of all.”

“I just have a huge crush. Obviously.” She snorted. A little shake of her head as she waved the idea away, sliding her eyes to Avalon. “You could shut me up, you know, so I don’t just shower the new guy in gay.”

Her friend giggled, propping her chin on her fist. “If you wanna pine over a girl with a boyfriend, go ahead. I’m not wasting my energy on anyone who isn’t single.”

“Pining over girls with boyfriends is part of the gay experience!” Maria said, trying to stifle a snort as she laughed. She looked back at the boy sitting in front of her, and quickly explained, “I mean, it’s a joke. I’m just crushing. She has a boyfriend, and that’s awesome, and I’m never going to do anything creepy. I will just sadly pine until I find a girlfriend of my own.”

“She prefers partner,” the boy said with the biggest smile she’d ever seen. “But I can’t get mad at anyone for being in love with her. I mean, I sure am.”

Her heart suddenly dropped to her stomach like a hot ball of lead. “Are you… Steven Universe?”

He held out his hand. “Yeah, some magic stuff came up and I got a late start this semester. What’s your name?”

Maria covered her face with one hand, sticking out the other to shake. “Maria. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, seriously.” He was sweet, and when she let her hand fall from her face she found him smiling. “I’m not a jealous kind of guy. I won’t tell Connie anything and, if you want, I’d be happy to help you hang out with her more. We’re out of state and we could use a few friends.”

She brushed her hair back from her face, caught between a sigh of relief and a squeal of excitement. “I’d love that.”

[sevlgi]

chemistry

requested: yes

group: red velvet

pairing: irene x fem!reader

genre: fluff, angst

contents: college!au, tutor!irene, chemistry pickup lines

warnings: none

synopsis: When you end up with your ultimate crush and the goddess of the school, Irene, as your Chemistry tutor, you can only think of one way to woo her-chemistry pickup lines. But is that enough to woo the beautiful ice queen?

a/n: I can absolutely do an Irene drabble! I haven’t gotten many requests for red velvet, but I’m happy to write for them. also, happy birthday, Irene!

word count: 2.8k

Getting Bae Joohyun assigned as your tutor is probably the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Joohyun was recognized by everyone on campus as a literal goddess. Even among her friend group of the most illustrious and beautiful girls on campus, she stands out as the leader of all of them, the prettiest and most brilliant one of all. Armed with knife-sharp wit, stellar grades, and a gorgeous face to top it all off, Joohyun could have the world at her feet.

Despite how cold she is to everyone outside of her friend group, everyone is infatuated; you swear you’ve seen her receive at least a dozen marriage proposals in a week from guys and girls alike. If you had enough courage, you’d probably be one of those girls, although you’d probably be turned away like the rest with a scathing remark from Jennie or a sympathetic smile from Nayeon.

Recently, though, you’ve become friends with one of the sweeter girls in the group, Joohyun’s friend Wendy. She’s in your Chemistry class and is just like Joohyun, only nicer.

You groan as you spot the fat red D scrawled at the top of your paper as it’s handed back to you. “Ah, come on! I studied so hard this time!”

Sitting next to you, Wendy watches sympathetically, silently turning her own paper over to conceal the A at the top. “Hey, it’s okay, Y/N. I heard that the class average was a 61.”

Glaring at her halfheartedly, you mumble, “Yeah, well, I’m not far off from that.”

Wendy sighs, leaning down to get to eye level with you as you like face-down on your desk. “You studied hard, but maybe you just need some outside help? What about a tutor?”

“Are you offering to tutor me? I’m not that dumb. I just- I just can’t seem to get it. You get it.”

“Yes, but I’m one of the top students,” Wendy laughs lightly, placing a hand on your shoulder. “I can’t tutor you, though, I’m already signed up as a Calculus and History tutor.” You groan immediately; having one of your friends as your tutor is embarrassing enough, but it would be way worse with a stranger. “Come on, Y/N, a tutor isn’t bad.”

You open your mouth to retort but quickly clam up when you see Joohyun and Jisoo heading over. “Hey, Wendy. Are you coming to the tutoring meeting today?” Jisoo asks, giving you a polite smile. Jisoo’s pretty, and she’s definitely nicer than Joohyun, but you can’t help being infatuated with the other girl. You notice her eyes stray from your face to the D on your paper, her expression remaining impassive.

“Oh, of course. Joohyun, you’re signing up as a Chemistry tutor, right?” Wendy asks. She sounds innocent, but you’ve known her long enough that you know she has something planned.

Joohyun shifts her gaze to Wendy now, and the ice in her eyes melts a little at her smiling friend. “Yes,” Joohyun says, and you barely manage to not smile at the sound of her voice. “Jisoo finally convinced me to use my intelligence for good.”

“Ah, great!” Wendy grins, nudging you under the table. “It just so happens that Y/N here needs some help in that department.”

At a harder shove from your friend, you gulp and stutter out, “Y-yeah. I’m not doing so hot right now.”

Joohyun flashes you the tiniest of smiles that doesn’t reach her eyes, tugging on Jisoo’s elbow to leave. “Yes, great. I’m sure I’ll see you there, then.”

As soon as the two girls are out of sight, you smack Wendy as hard as you can with your rolled-up test. “What. The. Hell?” you hiss.

“I know you like her,” Wendy smiles innocently, rubbing her arm. “And you really need to get a tutor, so it was the perfect opportunity. Come on, Joohyun’s even better at Chem than me!”

You can’t deny the genius of her plan, but you’re sure you’ll embarrass yourself either way. “Fine,” you grumble, resting your forehead on the desk. “I guess I’m going to the tutoring meeting.”

“Stop fidgeting, you look great.”

Despite Wendy’s words, you can’t help but pick at your T-shirt, tucked into nice pants, and frown. You refused to wear a dress, but Wendy was able to force you into nicer pants than your beat-up jeans. She herself looks stunning as usual as she maneuvers the two of you through the crowd to sit by her entire posse of friends at the front. “Hey, Roseanne, mind if we sit here?”

You don’t hear what the blonde says in response, but you sit down between her and Wendy with your eyes on Joohyun, a few seats away. You signed up for a tutor right after class two days ago, so you can’t do anything but hope you get Joohyun assigned as your tutor.

Everything else the professor says goes in one ear and out the other, until he begins announcing the tutors. “Kim Jisoo, you’ll be tutoring Jeon Jungkook. Bae Joohyun, you are assigned to Y/N Y/L/N.”

Wendy clutched onto your arm with an excited smile as soon as he was done with calling out names. “See? This is great!”

“What’s great?” You look up to find Joohyun standing there with her arms crossed, expression impassive as always. She sticks out her hand to shake. “You can call me Joohyun, I’m your tutor.”

“Y/N,” you respond breathlessly, shaking her hand. Your hand is probably sweaty, but Joohyun’s face reveals nothing. “Um, we should probably set up a time? For our first tutoring session?”

Joohyun nods, already tugging Wendy up. “Yes, I’ll get your number from Wendy. Come on, Seungwan.”

Wendy flashes you an apologetic smile as she leaves, but you don’t mind- you’ve got your crush as your chemistry tutor, and she’s going to text you. All is well, as far as you’re concerned.

Joohyun doesn’t text you for a full week. You’re too scared to go up to her in Chemistry, and Wendy says she doesn’t know what’s going on, so you’re left to stare at your phone, waiting for that first text.

Finally, at 2:17 a.m., it comes.

Unknown number [2:17]   Is this Y/N Y/L/N? It’s Joohyun.

You [2:17]   yes, it’s me!

Joohyun [2:19]   Good, I thought Seungwan would give me the wrong number.

You [2:19]   I’m glad she didn’t haha

You [2:20]   when are you free to meet up?

Joohyun [2:24]   How about at 3?

You [2:25]   like 3 this afternoon?

Joohyun [2:26]   No, in half an hour.

Joohyun [2:26]   Unless it’s too early for you?

You [2:27]   no, it’s fine!!!

You [2:28]   see you in half an hour at the library!

“Ah, where is she?” You rub your eyes, swaying a little bit as you survey the mostly-empty library for your tutor. You spot her in the corner, dark hair thrown up in a bun and her back to you, books heaped on the desk. “Hey, Joohyun!”

When she turns around, you notice the glasses perched on her nose and promptly fall down. Her footsteps echo as she walks toward you, and her face appears above yours, the slightest hint of amusement glinting in her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” you groan, sitting up; your face flames hot red as Joohyun picks up your bag and leads you over to the desk. “Thanks for being my tutor, by the way.”

Joohyun glances at you, her face still cold. You can’t help but think about how incredibly beautiful she’d be if you could make her smile, just the tiniest bit, or even laugh. “I’m not doing it for you, it’s my job. I always tutor who I’m assigned, it doesn’t matter about my feelings.”

“Right.” You’re sure your face is even warmer now, but when you spot an open textbook, you blurt something out to change the subject. “So, what’re we learning today?”

“I thought we’d start with exothermic reactions,” Joohyun explains, pointing to the wall of text in the book. “Do you know what they are?”

“I think you’re an exothermic reaction,” you blurt out. Joohyun quirks an eyebrow, slightly confused but letting you go on. Your cheeks burn even brighter as you continue, “You spread hotness everywhere.”

Unless you’re so sleep-deprived that you were seeing things, you see the slightest tinge of pink in Joohyun’s pale cheeks, right before she rolls her eyes and sighs, “At least you know they spread heat.”

“Well, you look terrible.”

You roll your eyes at Wendy, plopping down in your usual seat next to her with a heavy sigh. “Yeah, Joohyun tutored me from 2 in the morning to 4. I’m dead inside.”

Wendy smirks at your disheveled state; your dark circles and messy hair are nothing like Joohyun’s flawless skin and neat clothes, despite the fact that she probably slept even less. “Yeah, I can see that. Did it help?”

“No,” you groan, throwing a paper with a C- glaring up at you on the desk. “It’s an improvement, but not much. Not enough.”

“Keep trying,” Wendy sighs, patting you on the shoulder. “With Joohyun’s help, you’ll be a genius in no time.”

At almost the same time the next morning, Joohyun texts you to go to the library. You arrive, armed with more pickup lines this time to try and make Joohyun actually smile. “Hey, Joohyun,” you smile.

“Hello,” she murmurs in response. “I was thinking we’d review the periodic table today; I saw you labeled oxygen as the first element on the quiz.”

“Forget hydrogen, you’re my number one element,” you grin, leaning back with a satisfied smile. “Do you like boba, by the way?”

Joohyun rolls her eyes and pushes the book toward you, ignoring your question. “Read,” she commands. You oblige, but you see a faint hint of a smile on her face as soon as she thinks you aren’t watching.

At that moment, you realize something--   Joohyun isn’t an untouchable ice goddess after all, and you really need to find more pickup lines. “Hey, Joohyun? I have a question.”

“Yes?”

“Do you have 11 protons? Because you’re sodium fine.”

Joohyun groans and shakes her head, pushing your head towards the book. “Keep reading, Y/N.”

After two weeks of midnight study sessions, your grades improve significantly and your dark circles are getting drastically worse. However, you’d been rewarded with a smile just the night before, so today, you’re going to ask Joohyun for coffee.

“Hey, Joohyun!” The girl turns at the sound of your voice; Jennie, at her left, looks exasperated, probably taking you for another desperate suitor, and Wendy looks surprised, especially when Joohyun gives you the faintest of smiles and stops Jennie from warding you off.

“You know, we always study at midnight. I was wondering whether you could tutor me this afternoon?” you ask, nervous that she’ll reject you. “Get boba, learn some more about chemical reactions?”

She seems like she’ll say something at first, but then agrees with a sigh. “Sure.”

“Great!” you beam, just happy that she didn’t turn you off. Right as she turns away, though, you call out. “One more thing. You must be made of uranium and iodine because all I can see is U and I together.”

She gives you an exasperated look before turning away and tossing over her shoulder, “4:28 sharp at Red Velvet Tea. Don’t be late.”

As she and her friends walk away, you swear you see Jennie whisper something in Joohyun’s ear and look at you with a questioning look in her eyes.

“You’re early.”

You grin as Joohyun sits down opposite you, setting down her books on the table and staring at the 2 unopened bubble teas between the two of you. “Yeah, I wanted to get a table and buy you something.”

“I don’t drink sweet things,” Joohyun raises an eyebrow, pushing the drink back at you.

You push it right back. “Ah, come on, Joohyun, just try it.”

She sighs a little harder than usual and pulls it towards her, but she doesn’t sip at it before she questions you, “Who told you to call me Joohyun?”

“Oh. Um, I hear your friends call you that, and we’re friends now, right?”

Joohyun looks like she’s restraining herself from saying something, but she gives you another one of her small smiles that doesn’t reach her eyes and responds, “Sure. Friends.”

She takes a sip and doesn’t frown or scowl, which you take as a good sign. “Hm. It’s not bad.”

“See?” you exclaim, victorious. “You know, I might be a physics major, but I’m no Bohr.”

“You’re not a physics major,” Joohyun deadpans, shoving yet another textbook at you. “Now read.”

Joohyun [3:19]   Are you still awake?

You [3:20]   always, for you xx

Joohyun [3:22]   Give it a rest, Y/N. Ready for tutoring today?

You [3:23]   ahh, it’s too early

You [3:23]   meet me for lunch today? you can yell at me then

Joohyun [3:24]   Fine, but don’t you dare order me a cheeseburger.

“You must be a magnetic monopole because all i get from you is attraction,” you flirt as soon as Joohyun sits down in the restaurant.

She walks right back out, but she comes back reluctantly after you chase her with a promise to never say that line again.

You made her smile that day, and you made it your mission to do so more often.

Two months or so later, it’s safe to say that you and Joohyun are pretty close. She’s even introduced you to some of her friends although Jennie remains hostile, and for some reason, almost all of them give each other knowing looks whenever you join them for lunch and make Joohyun laugh at your jokes.

You aren’t failing Chemistry anymore- in fact, your recovery is miraculous. Still, you’re pretty sure you failed the final exam.

“Ugh, and the question about prevalent bonds?” you groan, putting your head in your hands, your bottle of soju in danger of being knocked over. You’re out for drinks with your friends; the boys who elected to come out with you are all drunk to hell, dancing as if they’ll die if they don’t, and most of the girls have joined them. Wendy stays with you, listening to you complain. “I’m dead. Hey, where’s Joohyun, by the way?”

“Ah, she’s-”

Your question is answered by a fuming Joohyun bursting through the doors of the bar, but you and Wendy are the only ones who notice her as she storms towards you. “You-” she hisses, pointing a finger at you.

“M-me?” you stammer. You’ve never seen this much emotion of Joohyun before, and especially not anger. It’s admittedly scary as hell, but also the tiniest bit hot. “Uh, Joohyunie, what’s-”

“Come with me,” she snarls, grabbing your arm and leading you out of the bar. As soon as you’re out of earshot of the other girls and in the streets, she stops, and her expression turns to some mix of anger and sadness.

You step closer to her, watching her carefully to determine whether you’re in real danger or not. “Hey, Joohyun, what’s going on?”

Joohyun shoves you away at first, glaring at you. You notice the shine in her eyes, and if it was anyone else, you’d think they were tears.

“I failed the test,” she chokes out, putting her face in her hands. There are real, actual tears spilling down her cheeks, and you’re not quite sure how to react.

“What? Come on, no way,” you stammer out, putting your hands tentatively on her shoulders. Miraculously, she doesn’t push you away. “You’re like the smartest person I know, how could you have failed the test?”

She looks up at you, and you can’t help but think she’s so incredibly beautiful even with her nose reddened and her eyes shimmering. “You.”

“What?”

“It’s all your fault,” she sniffles, rubbing her nose harshly on her arm and tearing out of your grip once again.

You’re bewildered; how in the hell could you cause Joohyun, star student, to fail her best subject? “W-what?”

“You!” Joohyun is sobbing now, tears trailing down her cheeks and her nose redder than her lips. “I- I couldn’t stop thinking about you. During the test, during tutoring... I just can’t!”

“M-me?” You step forward now, taking Joohyun’s hands in your own. “How could I do that to you?”

“I like you, you idiot,” Joohyun blurts out, her eyes widening in surprise. She clamps her hands over her mouth. “Oh no, I-”

You take a few strides forward and snatch her hands away again, this time pressing your lips to hers. She’s stiff at first, and you almost pull away, but her hands fist in the collar of your shirt as she pulls you into the kiss.

It seems like an eternity has passed when you finally pull away for air. You stare at each other, eyes shining with something other than tears, before you eloquently decide to start the conversation again. “Uh...”

"I... I’m sorry,” Joohyun mumbles, her hands still loosely clamped on the front of your shirt. “You’re just... so unlike me. You know? You’re so beautiful and kind, and so warm.”

“Warm? The hell?”

She rolls her eyes, smudging her tears away roughly. “You know what I mean. You tried to make me laugh even when I was so cold to you... and you smile so much and you look really pretty when you smile, you know that?”

You smile and kiss her again, sweeter than last time, and you feel her smiling against you too. When you pull away, your foreheads are pressed together, and you can’t stop yourself from saying breathlessly, “I guess we’ve got chemistry”.

That breaks the spell, and Joohyun groans and rips herself out of your grip, running into the bar. “H-hey! Joohyun!”

You chase after her, and you can’t help the cheesy grin on your face. There’s no doubt about it- getting Joohyun as your Chemistry tutor is the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you.

[threeletterslife]

01 | Illegirl

→ next chapter

→ summary: Excelling in every school subject, acing every math test and conquering the academic world is something you do as easily as breathing. As your residential social outcast nerd, you live rather as a recluse, talking to almost no one except for your dear ol’ cousin and that sweet boy in a few of your classes—Jungkook? was that his name? Befriending your ʰᵒᵗ AP stats teacher was the last thing on your high school senior agenda…

→ genre: 90% fluff, 8% crack, 2% angst | teacher!au & f2l!au

→ warnings: profanity (like y/n really needs to tone it down lmao) & kissing/making out

→ wordcount: 6.2k

With your head tucked under the pages of a textbook that's literally heavier than twice your weight, your hand furiously flies across the surface of your messy, but meticulous notes. At this point, you've been writing for so long that you don't feel the pain of hand cramps anymore.

Curse your fucking philosophy teacher for not succumbing to technology. Your notes would've taken you thirty minutes to complete instead of three hours had you been able to type them out.

But it's not like you're complaining about the workload. You lowkey like learning, therefore you like school. Besides, you're a diligent person. Once you start studying, there's really no turning back until you finish. In fact, nothing can distract you from your studies. Well maybe except—

"Hey, Y/N!" Seokjin screams from the kitchen.

Your head jerks up so fast hearing your cousin's voice that you wince from the neck strain. Cursing profanities under your breath, you shout back, "What?!"

"It's about dinner!" Seokjin yells.

You perk up. God, you weren't really the sporty type but Jin told you using your brain burns more calories than running a mile. But what can you expect from a theatre major? Still, you would use any excuse to eat as much as you do.

"I've invited a friend over to eat with us!" your cousin hollers.

Slightly frowning, you wonder since when Jin had friends that had come over. Your frown wavers away. Maybe you should be happy your cousin was socializing for once and not worry about the idea of some stranger coming to your house to eat.

You sigh as you push away from your desk, standing up to make your way to the kitchen for a more elaborate explanation.

"Who's the friend?" you ask, casually. "I mean, more importantly, what are you cooking?"

Jin's back was turned from you, his arms moving swiftly across the stove in a graceful manner you know you can never master. But you hear him chuckle at your priorities.

"Today's menu is steak," Jin says heartily.

Ah, steak. Why hadn't I been able to guess? The tender and cordial aroma should've pointed all fingers to your favorite meal.

"And the friend? Park Jimin," Jin answers dreamily and you can tell your cousin's just falling in love with his steak sizzling on the pan. He's always like that (dramatic and passionate).

"Park Jimin?" you repeat, sliding into a chair next to the kitchen island. "Doesn't ring a bell. So where'd you meet him?"

"Well, he's my co-worker." Jin shrugs nonchalantly as he places the sizzling steak on a platter, seasoning it passionately.

"Huh? Co-worker?" You frown. "Wait he's a teacher too?"

Jin was your school's arts and drama teacher, always staying out late for theater practice and unfortunately dragging you out with him because "you can't survive on your own."

"Yeah. Maybe Mr. Park might ring a bell?" Jin suggests.

Your eyes enlarge at the familiar name and the realization hits you like a big, fat freight train. "Mr. Park?!" you screech like a barn owl. "My math teacher?!"

Your cousin's head snaps up from smelling his precious steak. "Oh? He's your teacher?"

"Um, yes!" you yell, throwing your hands aggressively in the air. "Oh my GOD. This is gonna be so awkward! Jin! Just because you live a Hollywood life, doesn't mean you can drag me into that crazy shit too! Really? A student eating with her fucking teacher? What kind of fucked up fuckery is that?!"

"Language!" Jin warns. "You're just over-dramatizing things, baby cousin," he laughs. "I told you, you should pursue acting."

"I'm not joking!" you seethe, your face turning red as you imagine the future awkwardness that would ensue between you and Mr. Park. Not that you have anything against him.

Jin just rolls his eyes. "Then just stay in your room," he says. "Besides, you better get used to him being around. Jimin's a chill dude, I'll be hanging out with him a lot more. I'm sure he won't mind you."

You sigh. "Yeah, but I'd rather not take the chances... I mean, not when this man can change my grades with one button."

Jin chuckles. "And why would he do that? You're probably his best student. Isn't math that class you have over a hundred in, right now?"

"Well, yeah, but you never know," you protest.

"Wow, what a nerd."

"Um, not a nerd," you reply. "Just smarter than you."

Jin scoffs, placing a delicate hand to his chest as he mocks offense. "Excuse me, baby cousin, I happen to be almost a decade older than you."

You laugh out loud. "A decade doesn't seem like it helped you much," you tease, never losing an argument, no matter how small and pathetic. "But anyways. Are you sure Mr. Park will be chill?  I'm that weird kid in his class that never socializes but sets the curve for every test, you know? I'm that nerd..."

Jin chuckles. "You worry too much. Don't you know teachers love students that excel in their class? Besides, Jimin knows you're my cousin. It'll be okay," Jin chirps as he grins at his piping hot steak. "It'll be fine..."

"It'll be okay, he said, it'll be fine, he said!" you grumble. "Fucking idiot!"

Normally, Jin would've yelled at you for your profanities, but at the moment, he was too wasted to give a fuck. "Maybe I shouldn't have drunk my stress," he giggles. "Jimin, your beer is delicious."

"Yee, boi," Jimin answers, waving his arms around drunkenly.

You can't believe your eyes, or ears for that matter. Your usually formal, sharp, calm and collected math teacher had first shown up wearing severely ripped jeans, a loose, black t-shirt and jewelry. And now he was drunk.

Originally, you had been stuck in your room, quietly and innocently, you might add, eating a piece of steak. Honestly, you were pretending like you didn't even exist. It was only when you heard the loud clinkings of those beer cans when you knew you would have to take action sometime. Your cousin was not a good drinker.

Your teacher, who usually looks like a Mr. Park for god's sake, with his ties and button-up collar shirts now looks like a Jimin with his choice of stylish garments and a pair of dangly earrings. Jimin runs his fingers through his messy black hair that's usually so well-combed and gelled. Then, his alluring chocolate eyes fixate on you.

"Baby girl, why don't you have a drink?" he asks you, waving his (empty) beer can at you.

You have a wordless reaction, staring at your teacher in absolute horror. You're 110% sure he doesn't remember you're his student.

Goddamn, he's so wasted.

"Jin, my man, she's hot. Who is she?" Jimin asks as he flashes a charming smile at you, throwing in a wink as well.

You have no idea why your stomach flips. But you're pretty sure it has something to do with the seductive way your teacher is looking at you. You would've never thought Jimin could have this sort of side to him.

"No touchy, touchy, my dude," Jin slurs. "She's my baby cousin."

Jimin winks at you again.

And of course, you feel at least a hundred butterflies fluttering around in your stomach. Had you known Jimin was this attractive? No. But did you know now? Hell yeah.

Still, he's your teacher... "I'm your student," you sigh, staring at the drunken man in pity.

"Ooh," Jimin grins flirtatiously. "Kinky."

Now it's your turn to run your fingers through your hair. "T-That..." you sigh. "That's borderline perverted," you murmur.

Jin giggles. "Y/N, you have no—" your cousin pauses his sentence, suddenly holding his stomach and frowning. "Ooh, I don't feel too good," he announces. Then, he curls up and with such obnoxious noise, wretches out the steak he'd consumed.

You instantly jerk your head away, afraid you'll vomit if you catch the sight of Jin's half-digested food. Yes, you like food, but not when it's in that kind of state.

"Oh my god, Jin!" you whine, annoyance and some form of anger coursing through your veins. "I told you not to drink, goddammit!"

Your cousin only grins, swaying his body back and forth to a song that's not even playing. Sighing, you hurriedly grab a wet rag, cursing profanities and saying 'ew' every three seconds as you attempt to clean up the vomit. You're literally forcing your stomach to stay calm at the disturbing sight and stench.

You're even more ticked off that your cousin is just smiling like a total buffoon right next to you. "I'M A FUCKING DECADE YOUNGER THAN YOU SO WHY AM I ACTING LIKE A FUCKING MOTHER RIGHT NOW?" you shriek as you throw the rag to the side to glare at Jin.

Except, he was passed out. You scoff. "Unbelievable!" You push Jin over with your hand. "Jin! Wake the fuck up!"

"Ooh, baby girl, I didn't know you had such a dirty mouth," Jimin purrs, taking hold of his can of beer and Jin's, clinking them together and laughing as if it were the funniest sight in the world.

You glare at your so-called teacher. "If you weren't in charge of my grades you'd be dead," you seethe.

"What's that, baby girl?" Jimin asks. "I think you might have to be closer for me to hear you." And with that, he grabs ahold of your hand and pulls you down into his lap.

Momentarily, you're too shocked to have any sort of reaction. It takes a while for you to even realize you're sitting on your teacher's lap. "Ji—I mean, Mr. Park!" you shriek, trying to scramble up.

But Jimin holds you firm, staring deeply into your eyes as if he could see your soul. And something about that stops your squirming. You are still.

"Beautiful," Jimin mumbles as he softly touches the side of your cheek.

Your heart is beating fast and you can feel your cheeks starting to heat up. Why was this making you feel so... weird?

"Beauty is from the outside," Jimin states, moving his head closer to yours. That surely ruined the moment.

You frown. "I think you mean beauty is from the inside," you correct.

"Whatever," Jimin mumbles, continuing to admire your face. "Who are you?" he asks. "Such a beauty..."

"Your fucking student," you reply smartly, scrunching your nose. You? A beauty? I don't fucking think so.

"Kinky," Jimin says again. He slowly intertwines his fingers with yours. "I like you."

What. The. Fuck.

Now you're just internally screaming. Yes, you admit your math teacher is rather... hot. Yes, you admit that he has some sort of magnetic field that attracts you. And yes, you admit you don't feel too bad sitting in his lap (oh boy). But you know, in the back of your head, this is somewhat illegal. After all, some internet research (a.k.a stalking) showed that Jimin was 24. You're 17. It just isn't going to happen.

"Cool," you respond. "Glad that I'm liked. Um... Imma get going now..." you try to smoothly escape from Jimin's lap. But it's just not your day.

Jimin tugs you back, his hand wrapped around your wrist tightly. "No." He grins. "You." His hand holds yours. "Will." His other hand cups your warm, flushed cheeks. "Stay." His lips meet yours.

He does it so quickly that you have little to no time to stop him. And once in the kiss, there was no turning back.

Your teacher tastes like beer as his tongue explores your lips, sucking and even biting softly. And as the love-deprived person as you are, you don't stop him. Instead, you respond by wrapping your arms around Jimin's neck. Then before you realize it, or even stop yourself, you're kissing him back. The heat of the moment thing, you guess.

Jimin pulls you closer to his face, the hand that had been holding yours is set on your waist, securing you.

That's when you realize this is not some random dude named Jimin. This is Park Jimin, your mathematics teacher.

"Fuck!" you shriek as you aggressively break the kiss—or more like make out session—your lips leaving your teacher's with a little 'pop.'

Jimin stares at you in confusion, his eyebrows scrunching over his wide, curious eyes. "Fuck already?"

You bury your face in your hands, then realize you're still sitting in your teacher's lap. "Fuck!" you repeat as you scramble away a good two feet.

"Already?" he asks once again.

"You... you.. pervert!" you scream, flapping your arms faster than a hummingbird. "I'm 17!"

Jimin cocks his head. "How old am I again?" He grins foolishly. But cutely. His black hair is messed up even more and his soft, plump lips are slightly wet. Oh boy. You don't even want to get started on his alluring eyes.

Fuck! You shake your head, panic taking over your whole body. Not the time, Y/N!

"You don't know my age either?" Jimin asks, staring at you with puppy dog eyes. You think you're going to faint.

Get it together Y/N!

"24," you grit out. "You're 24."

At that, Jimin frowns. "Shit. You weren't lying when you said you were my student," he slurs, squinting at you as if he were looking at the sun.

"You thought I was fucking lying?!" you shriek. "Snap out of it!"

"Shit," Jimin deadpans, his dark eyes flickering. "You're Yoon Y/N," he realizes. "I'm actually fucked."

Then, his eyes roll to the back of his head and he passes out on the floor, right next to your dumbass cousin.

You can't move. You just kissed your fucking teacher. No, you made out with him. But the worst part—you think you had enjoyed it.

You wake up in your bed with the biggest migraine you've had in a month. It's almost as if you were the one that had passed out drunk yesterday.

The morning rays are shining through your thin curtains and you sigh out, looking at the bright sight. Thank fucking god it's a Saturday. If only this migraine would go away.

Then, you realize something that makes the pain in your head amplify by ten-folds. Yesterday, you'd made out with your math teacher—in the same room as your overprotective cousin, mind you.

"Well fuck," you whisper, placing a cool finger to your lips. The very same lips that had kissed your teacher. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" you mutter aggressively.

You remember it all as if your brain had shot a movie on the spot—your teacher tugging you into his warm lap, making sexual comments, kissing you... Your face burns red. Not to mention you feel like some annoying garden gnome is hammering his huge mallet right in your head.

Fuck my migraine.

But your migraine wasn't the worst of your problems at this point. In fact, it seemed to be dwelling in your poor head because of your problems.

"How the fuck am I supposed to face him in school? Oh god, will he remember? Holy fuck—how will I cope if he doesn't recall?" you talk to yourself frantically, habitually flapping your arms around in panic.

You try to take a deep breath to calm yourself down but that doesn't work. Instead, you end up burying your face in your hands, crashing back down on your bed. "I actually don't want to go to school anymore," you say. But maybe a bit too loudly.

"Y/N, DID I HEAR YOU RIGHT?" a voice practically screams from the kitchen. "You LOVE learning!" Jin screeches. "Did something happen? Are you getting bullied?"

"What? No!" you yell, exasperated. It was always up to your cousin to make a mountain out of a molehill.

"THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" Jin shouts.

You sigh. From all the yelling going back and forth, it looked like by the end of the day, your throat would hurt as much as your head. Sitting up from your bed, you make your way to the kitchen to explain yourself without having to scream your lungs out.

"Y/N, honey, you look sick," Jin says as soon as turns around from the stove, catching sight of your messy hair and dead eyes.

"Migraine," you sigh.

"I've gotchu," your cousin declares dutifully as he places an orange pill and steaming hot rice porridge in front of you. He sits down in front of you, watching with his warm eyes as you dry swallow the pill and dig in to your breakfast. "So... what happened?" he asks as you finally pause from your eating to take a breath.

"Huh?"

"Why don't you want to go to school?" Jin repeats, taking a napkin and wiping your wet chin.

You shrug. "I dunno," you lie. "It's just one of those moods."

Jin lets out a sigh of relief. "Oh, just that? I thought it was something serious, Y/N! You had me worrying!"

You roll your eyes but smile. The warm and toasty porridge paired with the painkiller was really working miracles. You felt much better already.

"You always worry, Jin," you chuckle. "Shouldn't I be worried about you? You literally threw up last night."

"Yes, I know. You did a pretty bad job cleaning it up," Jin laughs. "Thanks for the attempt, though."

"Well, I was..." you attempt to explain yourself. "...Distracted."

Jin laughs, getting up to fetch your favorite dish of kimchi, placing it right in front of you. Once he sits down he watches you eat again.

"Sorry, Y/N," he apologizes suddenly, just as you shove a huge spoonful of rice and kimchi in your mouth.

"For what?" you sputter, bits of half-chewed food dribbling down your mouth. "Oops," you mutter, clumsily reaching for a napkin. But Jin was already ahead of you, dabbing at your chin once again.

"I don't know... I threw up, you tried to clean it up... You were probably annoyed that we were being so loud. Oh right, and we were both drunk..." Jin sighs.

You shake your head. "I'm not mad. You don't have to feel bad," you say.

If anything, I'm mad at myself for kissing my teacher.

Speaking of your teacher...

"So, where's Jimin?" you ask, blood immediately rushing to your cheeks just saying his name.

Oh god, why did I even ask? Now I'm going to sound suspicious.

"I'm the worst person to ask that. I don't remember much—everything's so hazy. I really shouldn't have drunk so much last night..." Jin sighs. "But why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's nothing," you respond quickly.

If Jin had no recollection of his drunk night, then that would mean your teacher wouldn't remember... right??

"Y/N, you responded too quickly, something's up," Jin laughs, stretching back in his seat. "What happened? Spill the tea."

Well, shit. Channel your inner actress, Y/N. You've got this.

"Oh, I don't know, it was nothing, really. It was just funny to see my math teacher get wasted and faint then disappear without a trace the next day, you know?" you say casually.

"Jimin probably ditched 'cause he got embarrassed," Jin chuckles, shaking his head.

Ohohoho, you have no idea.

"Yeah, well, thanks for the breakfast, Jin," you say, getting up from your seat. "I've got a quiz in his class on Monday. Gotta study."

"Wow, how diligent," your cousin teases lightly. "Have fun," he sarcastically calls as you walk towards your room.

You roll your eyes but smile. As dumb and dramatic and drunk he could get, you can't deny that you love your cousin.

As somewhat of a nerd, you had always passed school with flying colors—especially being gifted in mathematics. On the day of Jimin's math quiz, you finish thirty minutes early and take the leisure to stretch a bit and play around with your lucky pencil.

Normally, you'd look up to see if your teacher was grading quizzes from the previous period, but today, you were doing everything possible to avoid his eye contact. Maybe you were overreacting... but that kiss, er, make out was something you couldn't just forget so easily.

Are we just going to forget that shit even happened? Then, you realize, probably yeah. Jin didn't remember what happened when he got drunk—maybe Jimin would too.

Well, shit. That's just better for me. I made out with my fucking teacher and he doesn't even remember. God, I feel like I'm in a high school romance drama.

You cringe at your inner thoughts then force yourself to focus back on your quiz.

Time to check answers.

Thirty minutes later, as soon as the bell rings, you zip right up, about to bolt from the classroom when Jimin just:

"Everyone who hasn't finished the quiz, please turn it in now! Y/N, I'll see you after class."

Your blood runs cold and you freeze. Why? WHY? WHY?

"Probably for some nerdy math geek thing," students whisper. You pray that they're right.

God forbid he remembers what happened Saturday night.

Students file quickly out of the classroom—a little too quickly. All too soon, you and Jimin were the only ones in the room. You gulp.

Jimin stands up from his desk, his fingers racing up to habitually loosen his tight, black tie. He looks so different in his school clothes and when he's sober. Your teacher coughs lightly as he walks over to your desk awkwardly.

Or maybe the awkwardness was just your stupid imagination.

"Hey, Y/N," Jimin says. "How was the quiz?"

"Uh, good," you quickly respond, turning red just facing your teacher. Please don't come any closer.

You curse inside your head as Jimin literally crouches down to your eye-level, leaning in as you automatically lean back. Your heart beats in your head as you realize your hands are sweating. Yeah, no, you didn't want confrontation. Not today, at least.

"Um... Mr. Park, I have to get to lunch," you lie, abruptly pushing back your chair and springing up from your seat. "Er... Mr. Jung, my literature teacher wanted to talk to me."

Jimin looks at you with suspicion. "Hm... I was hoping to discuss something with you," he sighs.

Goosebumps blossom on your skin. "It's urgent," you fib. "He'll get really mad at me if I don't get there in the next minute."

Jimin frowns while glancing at the class clock and sighs again. "Well then, I guess our talk can wait."

You almost cheer out loud at your victory, but calmly start to walk away from your teacher. "Thank you, Mr. Park!" you call behind you as you practically bolt out of the classroom.

Your teacher stares at the door and cocks his head. "I've never seen Jung Hoseok get mad at his students in my entire life," he mutters under his breath while shaking his head.

You're at home, stretched out on your bed, your homework finished and your tests taken. But you're still worried.

"Goddammit," you cuss.

"Woah there," Jin calls from the kitchen, his second bedroom. "Did Y/N get her first B?"

You roll your eyes. "Not possible," you call back.

"Then do you have an excuse for your profanity?!"

"Nope, not really," you sigh. "Sorry, I'll watch my language!" you shout before Jin can remind you again. Then you groan as you bury your face into your plushy pillow.

You were dreading the next day. Although you weren't sure what Jimin wanted to discuss with you, you weren't going to take any chances.

It was Tuesday.

"Y/N, I have to talk to you," Jimin says as the math class is dismissed.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Park!" you say quickly. "Girl problems, I gotta get to the bathroom!" you lie.

It was Wednesday.

"Y/N, may I talk to you?" Jimin calls as soon as class is finished.

"Sorry, Mr. Park!" you say as you're already halfway out the door. "I have to see the nurse. Cramps, you know!"

"You don't seem like you're in pain!" Jimin calls as you run out.

It was Thursday.

"Y/N, we really need to talk," Jimin says as he blocks your way of the classroom.

You sigh. "I wish I could, but I need to turn in a philosophy project for Mr. Kim," you fib.

"During lunch?" Jimin sighs. You nod convincingly. "Alright, then," Jimin says. "We'll talk tomorrow."

"We'll see about that," you mumble under your breath.

It was Friday.

"Y/N. No excuses. You've been avoiding me for almost a week," Jimin says as he squats in front of your desk, literally compelling you to stay frozen in your seat.

"But Mr. Park, I kinda have to go... My cousin's taking me on a trip for this weekend and I have to leave right now."

You pat yourself on your back for this lie. Nice one, Y/N! Jin always pulls you out of school to take mini weekend trips so this was totally plausible.

Jimin laughs. "Oh, Y/N. I'm very close to Jin, you know," he says. "He can't be taking you on a trip now if I'm supposed to be going with you guys."

"What." You shake your head in disbelief, jaw practically dropping open. "No!" you deadpan.

"Yes," Jimin answers. "I've been trying to tell you this whole week, you know. Jin wasn't going to tell you until last minute because he knew you'd make some excuse not to go."

It was official. Jin had definitely lost his marbles. Trip and teacher did not go well together and you'd think someone as capable as Jin would know this. Besides, the last time you and Jimin had been together outside of school... You shudder. Nope!

"I'm going to kill my cousin!" you shriek, exasperated out of your mind.

"I mean, now it's a bit too late, don't you think?" Jimin chuckles. "We're leaving right after school."

The words hit you like a freight train. Why? Why the fuck? What the fuck? How? But most importantly, where? You swear to god if Jin had so very conveniently planned a beach trip you were actually going to murder him. Bikini and teacher are two words you don't want to see in the same sentence.

You take a deep breath, tilting your head back to pinch the bridge of your nose in an attempt to calm yourself down. When you feel like you're not going to drop f-bombs in a classroom setting anymore, you face your teacher: "So, uh, where are we going for the trip? I swear to god if it's at the beach—"

"Camping," Jimin answers quickly.

"Oh, whew!" you exclaim, placing a hand to your heart in all gladness. But apparently, you had been glad way too soon.

"Oh right, Y/N, I still need to talk to you about another thing," your teacher says, scratching his head rather awkwardly.

You freeze, your heart beating in your ears as suddenly your stomach feels like it shrunk twice its original size.

Jimin coughs awkwardly. "But, um... I think it can wait for later," he sighs. "It's not very... classroom appropriate," he whispers lowly.

Well fuck, he remembers. Fuck my life. At this point, you wonder if things can even end up worse than this. Sighing, you do the only thing that you do best: leaving.

"If it's not classroom appropriate, it's probably never appropriate," you quickly mutter as you swing your backpack over your shoulder. "Thanks for the heads up about the trip," you say. "Now, excuse me so I can go yell at my cousin."

Jimin chuckles. "Yeah, see you, Y/N. Best of luck with that."

You almost scoff. This was going to be one long weekend.

The moment you barge into familiar territory, otherwise known as Seokjin's drama classroom, you finally let your rage loose. "THE FUCKING HELL! JIN, I HATE YOU!"

Your raucous outburst startles your cousin who nearly drops a golden crown prop. You don't even give him time to react before you're ranting. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE KEEPING THIS FUCKING CAMPING TRIP FROM ME!"

"Woah, there, Y/N. Slow down," Jin says in a soothing tone as if he were trying to calm a wild horse. "The camping trip?" he questions, cocking his head.

"YEAH! THE ONE WHERE YOU SO CONVENIENTLY INVITED JIMIN!"

Jin's confused face flashes with recognition as he nods. "Oh yeah, the camping trip. Sorry."

"Sorry won't fucking cut it!" you shriek. "And really? With Jimin too?!"

Jin sighs. "Well I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier but I just wanted some bonding time with my best friend. You know that I've haven't had friends in years. And I would've just left you home, but you also know that I care too much about your meals to do that. You'd literally starve to death Y/N, you really can't cook!"

His words make you feel bad for your outburst. In a way, he's right. Jin literally doesn't have a social life because of you. When you're stuck studying your ass off every day, he's the one who makes sure you get your meals. When you're in a particularly bad mood due to fluctuating hormone levels (curse puberty), he's the one who can calm you down with a good joke and a bowl of ice cream. When you had thought no one in the whole world cared for you, he's the one who swooped in and gave you the love and reassurance you needed.

In other words, you owe Jin. Big time. You know full-heartedly that your cousin decided to take you on this trip so you wouldn't be crouched in your room 25/8, skipping meals and being dangerously alone. So the least you can do is to go on the trip without complaining like a little bitch.

It'll be awkward, yes, considering it's with your teacher that you've potentially done such illegal things with. But you do have a heart, and your heart tells you it's about time to owe up to all the good Jin has done for you. It's also telling you to bite down your pride and apologize to your dear cousin—but apologizing has never really been your thing.

You sigh, scratching your head awkwardly. "Um, I guess I'm... I'm... sorry then," you mutter, looking down at your feet. God, you really don't like to admit things when you're wrong.

Jin chuckles. "You should be. Your yelling made me age a decade!" he teasingly claims. "And besides, I'm pretty sure you woke up the dead with all that cussing," he says disapprovingly. "No profanity, Y/N! At least, not in school."

"Okay, okay, sorry," you say quickly, looking down with slight shame.

You feel Jin's warm hands pinching your cheek, making you look up at him. "Thanks for understanding so quickly, you're the best Y/N." He literally giggles as he pats your cheek.

Rolling your eyes, you lightly swat your cousin's hand away. "I guess I'm just happy you're finally attempting to be social," you respond.

Jin chuckles. "Yeah, I'm trying to be a role model for you, Y/N. But anyway, now that you're here, wanna eat lunch with me?"

You give him a weird look. "Why though?"

Your cousin raises his eyebrows. "I know you eat lunch alone all the time."

Now it's your turn to raise your eyebrows. "And what if I like to eat alone?" you say defiantly.

Jin shakes his head. "Y/N, you don't like to eat alone."

You sigh in defeat. Curse Jin for knowing me better than myself! "Fine. But just this once."

"Good," Jin smiles. "I'll just tell Jimin to eat with Hoseok or something."

"Hoseok? Mr. Jung? My literature teacher?"

"Yeah, he and Jimin are close too," Jin tells you. "Jimin's so close to everyone. I wish I were like him."

You laugh. "You're amazing just the way you are," you say as you sit down on a desk and pull out the lunch Jin had made you. "I still can't believe you're choosing to eat lunch with me and literally canceling on Jimin."

Jin shrugs. "You're my baby cousin."

You smile. "And you're like the good family I never had."

As soon as you get home, you try to find your suitcase to last minutely pack for a trip you'd just been told about. But you can't find your suitcase.

"Don't bother packing! I've done it for you!" Jin calls from the kitchen. You follow his voice out and watch him as he shoves in hoards of food into fifty different bags.

"Wow. You packed for me?" you ask. "So exactly how long were you planning on keeping this trip from me?"

"As long as I could," Jin replies as he starts to cut watermelon. "Get in the car, Y/N. Jimin's probably waiting already."

"Fine," you sigh as you drag your feet to the car. You really don't want to face your math teacher. The last time you two met outside of school... it had ended quite illegally.

"Hey, Y/N," Jimin says, tugging down his dark sunglasses to give you some cute eye smile.

"That should be fucking illegal," you murmur as you slide into the back seats, seeing that Jimin had taken shotgun. You can't dare to look at your teacher without remembering that hot night.

"What should be illegal?" Jin asks as he slides into the driver's seat. "School? Wait. You're a nerd. You love school."

You roll your eyes. "Drive, asshole."

"Yes ma'am!" Jin salutes, grinning at you foolishly.

"You two are hilarious," Jimin chuckles as he leans his chair back. "I can't believe I can actually witness this for three whole days."

"Yeah, lucky you," you mumble sarcastically. "Wait—Jin. Isn't the camping place over there?" you point to the spot that Jin had passed by.

"Uh..." Jin laughs. "Silly. We're trying a different camping spot this time."

"Okay," you chirp, stretching out in the backseat. "Wake me up when we're there then."

"Sure thing," Jin says. "Sleep well, baby cousin."

You roll your eyes but smile, then you fall into a deep, peaceful slumber.

You were supposed to wake up to see a cold, damp environment with towering trees surrounding the area. You know, the kind of environment you're supposed to see when you go camping. Instead, you get the bright, hot sun beating down on you. Oh, and also, sand.

"What the f—"

"Rise n' shine, sunshine," Jin sings. "Welcome to paradise."

You laugh, attempting to straighten out your disheveled hair and discreetly as possible wipe away the bit of dried drool on your face. "Ha. Haha. Very funny, Jin. Why are we stopping by the beach to have lunch? That's so fu—freaking extra."

"Stopping by?" Jimin says from the driver's seat. Oh, what the heck they must've switched seats when you were clonked out.

You see Jin and Jimin exchange some nervous looks.

"Wait a minute... No. No... NO!" you shout, hands grasping bits of your hair, almost as if you'd pull it out any second. "This is bad. This is so, so bad."

"We didn't even say anything yet!" Jin laughs at your reaction.

"I know what you're going to say! I know where this is going!" you shriek. "We're not going camping! We're going to stay at the beach! Motherfu—"

"Now, now, Y/N. Calm down. It's the beach. It's beautiful! You can swim, we'll have a barbecue, go to nice restaurants with nice views!"

"I can't do that!" you hiss angrily.

"Why is that?" Jin asks innocently.

You kinda wanna punch his innocent-looking face at the moment.

"Because," you say, pinching the bridge of your nose, "my fucking teacher will be here," you say slowly, enunciating every word to get through your cousin's thick head. "I can't wear some bathing suit in front of my teacher!" You point accusingly at Jimin, who raises up both hands innocently.

"BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL!" you shriek which sends Jin snorting in laughter.

"Y/N! Honey! For real, calm down! It doesn't matter. Just don't think of Jimin as your teacher, then you'll be fine," Jin says in his soothing voice.

"Yes, it does matter," you argue. "What if someone sees? What if someone reports?"

Jin rolls his eyes. "Relax, Y/N. We're at least six hours away from home. I highly doubt anyone we know will see us and report."

"Agreed," Jimin says. You feel slightly better that he has both of his hands on the wheel. "I promise, we won't even get drunk like last time. I didn't bring any alcohol."

"Oops," Jin giggles. "I did."

"Jin!!" you and Jimin both cry in unison.

"Your alcohol tolerance is actual shit!" you yell. "I swear to god if you get drunk again I'm gonna run you over with this car!"

"No, not my car!" Jimin shrieks, gripping his steering wheel harder.

Jin throws his head back and lets loose the largest laugh yet. "Bro, you're worried about your car but not me?"

Jimin shrugs. "Well, priorities."

You can't help but laugh as well.

So what if these two bimbleheads lied to you about this weekend vacation? You honestly hate to admit it, but having company was fun. Especially bickering company. Maybe, just maybe you'll enjoy the trip. (If you can survive the awkwardness that is.)

And maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to avoid your teacher's confrontation.

Maybe.

—next chapter

—masterlist