#but I suspect it would be a constant struggle & that MIGHT not be best for my mental health in my senior year of college!

[brown-little-robin]

.

[sallage]

Childhood Secret

Primary AU

Warning: This is a tickle fic!

Summary: Bakugo and Midoriya were assigned a mission together that was set to last a couple of days. Due to the prolonged period of constant exposure to each other, the tension between the two heroes only continued to rise, resulting in some unsavory measures being taken to ensure the smooth execution of the mission.

Pairing: Lee Bakugo, Ler Midoriya

Words: 1,757

Reading Time: 7 Minutes

A/N: I think I'm creating an alternate universe? haha these stories will be kind of like one shots but they might reference each other and correlate. Idk honeslty lets see what happens!

Read more ∘₊✧ Here ✧₊∘

“Kacchan-“

“Shut up, you damn nerd! You’re going to get us caught!”

“You’re the one screaming.”

“I’m not fucking screaming!”

“Kacchan!”

Bakugo and Midoriya were on a mission together, tracking down a group of thugs who were selling quirk erasure darts on the black market. The authorities had caught wind of the shady dealings and sent the two rivals to investigate. Since the investigation was far from home, the pair were forced to stay in a hotel while they gathered evidence and proof of the crime. They spent multiple nights in a nearby hotel, waiting for the best moment to confront and arrest the criminals.

Now, Bakugo and Midoriya had taken hidden positions in a bush near the suspects, waiting cautiously for the exchange that would justify the arrest. Having been forced to spend the previous few nights together, tensions were high between them, the bickering rivals on edge due to their eagerness for the mission to end.

“Kacchan, you need to-”

“Don’t tell me what the hell to do, damn it.”

Midoriya's face was pinched with irritation. He had been putting up with Bakugo's attitude since before the start of their mission, his patience wearing thin with each passing interaction. Although they only spoke when absolutely necessary, the quick exchanges were enough for Midoriya to receive a small sampling of the other's volatile temper. 

Normally, he could endure it, as Bakugo usually chose to avoid the other. However, in the midst of this mission, he had no escape, and was forced to deal with Bakugo's wrath on a consistent basis.

“Kacchan please-“

“Shut up! I’m sick of hearing your stupid voice!” 

“I’m just trying to-“ 

“That’s it!” 

Bakugo uttered a grunt and moved to sit  on his knees.

“What are you-“

“Getting the hell away from you. We don’t need to be in the same damn bush.”

“You can’t, they’ll see you!”

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do!”

Bakugo had shifted his position, allowing the bush to part and expose them to the danger of being seen. Midoriya panicked, knowing he had to act quickly to prevent Bakugo from completely ruining their plan. 

Midoriya quickly activated Black Whip, wrapping a tendril around Bakugo's wrist and pulling it back, reinforcing half their cover. Bakugo's face filled with confusion, his brain working slowly to comprehend Midoriya’s sudden audacity. Before he could react, Midoriya managed to grab his other arm, forcefully pulling him back into the bush. Bakugo's only reaction was a startled grunt as he tried to catch his balance.

“You fucking idiot, did you just-“ 

“Shhh, Kacchan! I know you’re mad but you can’t just-.”

“Get your pathetic quirk offa me!” 

Instead, Midoriya summoned another tendril, its powerful coils wrapped themselves around Bakugo's waist. The tendril forcibly pushed the blonde back into a seated position. As Bakugo struggled against the restraints, Midoriya recognized that he could no longer afford to be lenient with his friend. He had to take drastic measures to ensure this whole mission wouldn’t turn out to be a huge waste of time, which it would be if he let his friend blow their cover.

With that in mind, and before he could lose his nerve, Midoriya sent a thicker tendril to the other’s face, slapping it over the explosive blondes mouth.

Bakugo’s eyes widened with pure unfiltered shock, Midoriya’s expression mirroring it. Neither of them ever figuring the green haired boy had the balls to physically shut Bakugo up. The stunned blonde didn’t move for a few seconds before his face reddened with heated anger and embarrassment. Right then and there, Midoriya almost let him go and apologized.

Almost.

Bakugo let out a burst of angry curses, despite the muffling caused by the black tendrils wrapped around his mouth. Although muted, Midoriya could still make out some of the words.

“Yhuuu fuhhhkkn mhhrrhhon, yhuuuu dhhuhr dhoh thhii thhoo mhh? I’ll khhlll yhuuu! Lht mhh ghu!”

Despite the guilt bubbling up in Midoriya’s throat, he shook his head and peeked out of the bush. “I’ll let you go when they arrive so we can arrest them. Otherwise you’re going to have to stay here. I’m sorry, Kacchan. I want this to be over as much as you do.”

The change in Midoriya's assertiveness was surprising, even to himself. He was unsure where this newfound confidence was coming from, and whether it was due to sleep deprivation, the exhaustion from dealing with Bakugo for days on end, or the new confidence he gained from developing and training new quirks. Regardless of the reason, Midoriya wasn't planning on backing down now, not when he already pissed the blonde off to the highest degree possible.

Bakugo was becoming increasingly infuriated, the veins in his temple popping out in rage. He continued shouting muffled curses at Midoriya, promising to make his life hell and inflict death upon him; the works. Midoriya ignored him, occasionally shushing him so he could focus on their targets. When Bakugo realized that Midoriya was hardly paying attention, his temper got the better of him. His hands began to spark.

Midoriya's eyes snapped back, seeing Bakugo's hands light up within their small and dry hiding place.. As Bakugo's quirk started getting louder, Midoriya quickly decided to take action and use an old trick he'd learned as a child to try to control the other's explosive temper. 

Knowing that Bakugo was in a vulnerable position, Midoriya took full advantage of it, summoning two more black tendrils to dig into his unsuspecting underarms. The sparks in his hands cut off in puffs of black smoke and Bakugo’s curses and threats dissolved into shocked yelps, the random attack causing his eyes to widen in surprise before shutting in suppressed mirth. He clamped his arms to his sides and thrashed against the tendrils which Midoriya stiffened so the sound wouldn’t carry. 

“Whhht thuh hehhl! Yhu’re fuhhking dhehd! Mmhmhhhm Sthhhhp!!” 

Even with his arms clamped firmly to his sides, Black Whip was still able to wiggle through, the skinny tendrils flicking against his hollows.

“Yhu bhhuhuhsrd! Sthhp!”

Bakugo opened furious, red eyes to fix them on Deku’s timid green ones. Everything in his expression told Deku that he was going to blast him out of existence. Deku knew that once he used his quirk on Bakugo, his fate was sealed. But just because he accepted it, doesn’t mean that he was going to go down without a fight. Deku squinted his eyes at Kacchan. 

“If you can calm down-“

“Dhhn tlhh mhe thu chhlm dwnn, bhhstrd! Ihhhl khhll- MMMmmmhhh!”

In the middle of Bakugo’s usual rant, Deku sent some tendrils to mess with his sides, flicking up and down and dragging them around slowly. Growing up with the aggressive blonde, Deku was the only one alive that was aware of his ticklishness. Although the playful tickle fights stopped after Bakugo’s quirk manifested, Deku hoped he still would be.

And boy, was he.

Bakugo had his eyes scrunched closed. He was no longer cursing or screaming, just looked like he was trying to control his reactions, occasionally thrashing or twitching when a tendril found a sweet spot. For a minute, Deku thought he successfully tamed the wild animal he called friend, until sparks flew again in the corner of his vision.

Immediately, Deku directed the tendrils teasing his sides to go straight for that cripplingly ticklish spot Bakugo had as a kid, the spot right underneath his armpits and above his ribs, praying that it was still as sensitive after all these years. 

Bakugo’s body siezed, the sparks discontinued, and he immediately dissolved into muffled laughter. He shook his head and glared at Midoriya, which lost all its bite from the tears of mirth that began to pool in them. Deku couldn’t help but smile a little as he watched his childhood friend struggle against sensations he probably forgot he could experience.

Bakugo struggled hard against Black Whip but it was no use. The tendrils dug and swirled ticklishly on his ribs. Bakugo did everything in his power to keep his composure, but once that spot was nicked, all hope was lost. It had been so long since he was tickled, he forgot how stupidly debilitating it could feel. He forgot all about using his quirk and wanting to leave the bush, he just wanted Deku to stop.

Deku kept this up for a few seconds before easing up, realizing from Bakugo’s increasingly reddening face, that with his mouth covered he could only get air from his nose. Once he could breathe again, he shot a dangerous glare at Midoriya.

“Nehhhvu dho tht agnnnn, yhu hrr mhe?” 

“I won’t if you can calm down and stay here. Were almost done.”

“Ght thss ohh mhi mouh.”

Deku nodded and pulled his quirk back from Bakugo’s mouth. The blonde stretched his jaw and scowled at the other, giving him a death stare. 

“You’ll pay for that, you bastard.” But his voice was notably hushed.

“Are you going to stay in the bush?”

“Fuck you and this bush!” 

“Kacchan!”

“You listen to me, you- AH!” 

The tendrils squirmed under his arms, and his eyes widened as he remembered they were there.

“Deku!”

“I’m sorry, but we’re so close, and I don’t want to be here longer than we have to.“

“Whatever, you damn nerd. Get your dumb quirk offa me.”

“Fine.” Deku reined in Black Whip. “The truck’s pulling up.”

After waiting, watching, and biding their time, the villains finally made the illegal exchange. Deku and Bakugo stepped in and proceeded to do what they were trained to do; knocking them around and rounding them up for transportation. Once they had reported their findings and secured the arrest of the villains, Deku chanced a glance at Bakugo. What he did in the bush may have crossed a line, and he wanted to address it.

“Kacchan, I-”

“Never speak of it.”

“… I just-”

“Ever.” 

Deku was aware of when it was appropriate for him to stop attempting to engage in heated discussion with the blonde, so he did. He often found himself yearning to have actual conversations with Kacchan, wanting to finally put aside their past conflicts and issues and simply interact like normal people. Like friends.

However, today was not meant to be that day, nor would tomorrow be either. Deku accepted this with calm and determined patience, hoping that the time would come when Kacchan was ready to accept his friendship. Until then, he would simply wait, with the unshakable hope and faith that it would happen one day.

[allwormdiet]

Agitation 3.1

Got waylaid by work and brain weather, but we're back to it. Let's see how Taylor's life is going

Her routine has come up before, but it bears saying that I think Taylor's actual superpower might just be that she's a morning person who can hold herself to accomplish daily goals, like goddamn girl

The constant, casual cruelty that makes up so much of Taylor's history is equal parts saddening and infuriating. I'm sure we'll get an explanation for why the bullies do this to her, I think I've said as much in previous posts, but also as mentioned in previous posts I find it aggravating to endure.

...I don't know if this is quite the right place in my reading to speculate on it, but I'm not sure if Taylor even has a shot at university at this point, even setting aside the cape thing. The bullies are all in her year, which means they'd never be separated from her by graduation. Their constant sabotage and harassment would mean her grades are low, so even if she gets into a college with whatever GPA she can bodge together (and no extracurriculars to pad her application out), she's probably not going to earn any scholarships and money's already pretty tight for the Heberts. That means student loans, and probably shit rates considering the world they're in.

Maybe this is my bitter ass reflecting on how the greatest benefits I got out of going to college were completely incidental to the courses I took or the degree I earned, but... Taylor, I know college meant a lot to your mom, I just don't think that path is nearly as open to you as it used to be. I think it's fine to just learn a trade, and I think it's fine if the trade is armed robbery.

So you're telling me Taylor's self-image used to be worse? Jeeesus

I like that Brian knows how to blend into an environment as the situation calls for it. That speaks to a pretty keen observational ability, and also is maybe tied to his need to act more grown-up than he is. And now I'm sad again.

"I want" is cute, embarrassment is for suckers (I say, easily embarrassed)

I don't even like coffee, but a fifteen dollar coffee had better be the best coffee you've ever had, oh my god

And honestly that must have been weird for every member of the team, just suddenly having money not be a problem anymore. Taylor's holding out for now, although I suspect it won't be that way forever, and everyone else either wants or needs it bad enough for their own ends that I don't think they're gonna think about it too hard (except for Lisa, who has the full context and whose power is thinking too hard)

Taylor please don't undersell your injuries to your teammates, I don't like you doing it with your dad but I understand it. Here though? Come onnnnn

Yeah there we go

Violence is an easy language to understand. Cruel, obviously, and painful, but if Rachel is already struggling with other people's words and feelings (five bucks says she's autistic tbh) then getting the shit kicked out of her is probably a better sell on the new recruit than any pretty speech

...Ideally they move past that pretty quick so words can be used again

Also poor Rachel, for real. Ten years in the system and then whatever it was that triggered her powers, which is obviously never good. No wonder she came out the other end more willing to trust dogs than people.

Ugh, my heart

Is she showing off for the guy she's crushing on? That's adorable

Curious that the limits of her power seem to be based on complexity of the brain. I assume there has to be a brain at all or else she could just shoot germs at people, although that'd also be a little bit inefficient as a power unless she started getting into disease warfare and holy shit this would be a very different story if Taylor could give people smallpox

Gotta be a weird day for the crab though

Couple things here

Brian you're not even eighteen yet as far as I know, what the hell

Of course Lisa cheated, she's built to cheat, at that point I'm not sure it even counts as cheating

Knowing what I know about Alec, somehow I doubt he was ever in school to drop out in the first place

...on the flipside I'm a little surprised that Rachel never went during her time in the system, you'd figure that'd be a condition of her fostering but either the guardians didn't give a shit or she fought her way out of ever actually attending

Also, I know it's a matter of course that she'd have a key to the base, but it's sweet all the same

It's nice of Brian to make this offer, although I'm willing to bet it's because he's the only Undersider who would get up before 6 AM. It's also a pretty smart call to keep her up to date this way

Also very funny that Taylor is like "Oh I like Lisa just fine but she scares the shit out of me"

...Also also, for real, Lisa has to already know what's going on with Taylor right? There's no way Taylor's good enough at lying to bury that one.

Girl I'm dreading it and I'm just reading about it

This is just. So goddamn sad. And maddening, to boot.

Gee Taylor you sure to seem to spend a fair amount of time thinking about the comparative attractiveness of other women

Agonizing, though, for real. Wildbow has knocked every school scene out of the park and I hate it.

I wonder if Taylor's gonna even bother coming back to school at this point. First day she left mid lunch, second day she left right after lunch started, here she's splitting before first period. As much as she clings to this side of her life... I don't know if it's any healthier than full-time villainy.

Go blow off steam with your new friends Taylor

Current Thoughts

I actually don't have any real expectations for this arc going into it. Obviously Arc 1 is the start of... I mean kind of everything, and Arc 2 is made up of the immediate aftermath from those events. This one? I dunno. I was a little worried I'd have to deal with another chapter of Winslow, but it looks like Taylor decided she was sick of that shit

I like Brian, but I think mostly I'm worried for him? This is a lot of effort so far made to seem mature and normal, and I don't know if that's possible for a teenager who goes out to be a supervillain. It's admirable in a sense, but I'm worried about how fragile it leaves him.

I don't love that Rachel seems satisfied by an exchange of violence but that's more bc I don't want these kids beating the shit out of each other, not any kind of "this is bad actually" sense.

Other than that I'm mostly just curious what the rest of this arc looks like. Thank fuck it's not more high school.

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna try and read more at work today, I might take my screenshots then and see if they drive me up a wall, but even if so I'll just retake them when I get home. Fingers crossed work is slow enough for it.

[fensherohair]

The Marauders & The Metamorphic Witch (Part 11)

Words: 2.6K Warning: A bit of sibling fluff - mentions of Voldemort and the First Wizarding War build-up Pronouns Used: She/Her - (Y/N) also used

"Are you serious about this?" asked (Y/N), turning into the grand stairwell with Marlene. The pair walked toward the Great Hall for breakfast, suspecting things would be just as crazy as normal. "It could be dangerous," she added, concern flooding her otherwise smooth voice. Nonetheless, a small smile appeared on her lips, even more so to see Marlene understood where her concern was coming from. 

"I'm sure, like the boys, I trust you with the potion," stated Marlene, brushing some of her blonde locks over her shoulder and straightening out her black robes. Her grin remained unmoved as she began to think about the conversations she'd had with each of the boys and (Y/N) how it all just made her more determined to become an Animagus, although for her own reasons. She knew it was dangerous and probably against the school rules and against the ministry if they didn't register their ability, but it was still something she wanted to do. The danger meant nothing; all she wanted was to understand her best friend more and ensure (Y/N) wasn't alone when she struggled to control her unique abilities. 

"I wonder if Lily handled the drama with Isolde and Allegra," spoke Remus from behind, Sirius next to him as the pair jogged to catch up with the girls. Sirius could only roll his eyes, clearly recalling the nightmare Christmas break had been, the constant fighting and never-ending yelling between the two. Allegra's insults always follow her favorite three words of I hate you. 

"Speaking of Lily Flower, reckon she'd go with me to Valentine's dance?" asked James, walking with Peter just in front of the girls. The small group walked down the last few steps, the large golden doors within view. 

"I'd rather kiss the giant squid," replied Lily, stepping through the doors leading to the chilly courtyard, the drizzly rain dampening her fiery hair. Isolde was on one side, with Severus on the other. The dark-haired Slytherin boy seemingly ignored the four to torment him. James's intended insult had been caught in his throat the moment Remus harshly jabbed his shoulder, whereas Sirius had been met with a whack across the back of the head by (Y/N). Peter, too, had been stopped by the warning glare Marlene had sent his way, thrust, stamping out any confidence he might have gained to start something on his own. 

"How do you do that so easily?" asked Isolde, a chuckle escaping her lips as James rubbed his shoulder and glared at Remus, who was fairly content ignoring it. Sirius had let out a loud ow before reaching for his head. He'd been met with (Y/N) grinning innocently at him with mischief alight in her eyes. He'd only managed to stick his tongue out before a grin pulled the corner of his lips. 

"Hey, Snivellus," called Allegra, as if she was the coolest girl in the castle; a wickedly sweet smile graced her lips as if she was unaware the name was meant as a way to torment the Slytherin boy in question. She'd heard James and Sirius refer to him as such and mindlessly followed along. 

"That's not my name," harshly replied Severus, not bothering to spare the brunette muggle-born a glance. Instead, his cold glare was aimed at the three that took almost all opportunity given to torment him. 

"How about teaching me some of those spells you've been working on?" commented Allegra as if ignoring the previous statement entirely. Her smile turned victorious upon gaining his attention, his dark eyes filled with a mixture of anger and surprise that someone knew what he was doing, or at least someone he deemed an enemy knew what he was doing. "Maybe you could give me some advice," she pestered, almost as if she was blind to the obvious. 

"Pay attention in class," bluntly stated Severus before walking off into the Great Hall, only saying a quiet goodbye to Lily and Isolde before doing so. He seemed oblivious to the chuckles left in his wake and the almost compliment James sent his way. Nice on Snivellus. 

"Er ... Rude," called Allegra, an offended expression painting on her features as she stomped off into the hall, wanting to get a seat and enjoy the food before all her favorites were gone. Upon entering, she was met with the same people mingling in groups, another reminder of how lonely and invisible she truly felt. However, she painted a smile and acted as if she was a queen. 

"Allegra," called a girl. Ulrica was her name. She was another Gryffindor Student, bright, funny, and smart, or so Allegra thought. She was in the same year and had mainly kept to herself for the most part, at least until the train trip back to Hogwarts after the Christmas Holidays. There were rumors she had snapped and displayed a mean streak every since. As did her best friends Georgie and Samantha. "Come join us," said Ulrica, waving the Smith twins over with a gracious smile, even friendly. Actions that were foreign to her and the two closest to her. 

Without a second thought, Allegra wondered over, a smile of her own; she dared not get her hopes up, especially upon noticing the two third-year Slytherin girls also there. Raya Snyde and Jessica Rosier. Like most Slytherins, they had a knack for the Dark Arts and an admiration for the Dark Lord, slowly growing in power and becoming a greater threat every passing day. 

"That doesn't strike up confidence for the better," quietly spoke Lily upon entering the hall with Isolde, Marlene, and (Y/N), the Marauders following along behind, wrapped up in their own conversation. With a hand clasping the back of his head, Sirius still appeared to nurse a growing headache. "Do tell Snap what's going between you and Sirius," laughed Lily, calling (Y/N) by the nickname Hunter had called her on so many occasions. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Lil," replied (Y/N), playing innocent even if she did know where it was going. In recent weeks, she'd begun to take notice of how people whispered whenever she walked by, even how the whispering increased if she was around the Marauders, specifically Sirius. Slowly, she began to realize the playful flirting had gained attention, as had their friendship as it slowly blossomed. Similarly, Marlene had taken more notice when it became common knowledge that she and Remus could be found together during study time. They often worked together when professors insisted on a girl-boy partnership, as (Y/N) and Sirius did. 

"Sirius, you toerag," called Lily, her accusing eyes finding the fluffy-haired boy quickly. The playful insult fell from her lips with a serious undertone to it. "What have you done to corrupt my precious Snap?" she asked, Isolde chuckling from beside her as Marlene tried her hardest to contain her growing amusement. Even more so when the wizard looked confused and caught off guard. 

"Told you it would stick," spoke Hunter as he walked by, bending over to wrap his younger sister in a sibling hug filled with affection. A bright, carefree smile on his lips as he did so. "Love ya, little Snap," he called as he left, stopping a short distance away so he could hear her normal sweet reply. 

"I think I might try that with Mason," replied Marlene, with a smile of her own. "It's adorable how fearless you both are." 

"When does that start happening to our Isolde?" asked (Y/N), seeing how Isolde paled at the thought of such a public display of affection, especially in a romantic way. "I'm just joking with you, Issy. Although I don't think I've seen Hunter this googly-eyed about anyone before," she laughed, even more so when Isolde rolled her eyes in a playful way and turned her attention to the playful argument going on between Sirius, Remus, and Lily regarding them corrupting her precious Snap and irreplaceable Mar. 

"And you two call me the mom of the group," commented Marlene, chuckling as Peter tried to make himself as small as possible while eating his cereal, almost as if he was terrified Lily's attention would turn on him at any second, and he'd be forced to defend himself. 

"I heard that, Mar," called Lily with a playful wink. "Think of me as your protective sister who's gonna kick some butt," she added as her attention returned to the two boys in question. Both of them shared a glance; James laughing in the background was soon brought to a halt when Lily threw a piece of screwed-up parchment at his head, hitting her target with victory and causing others to take notice of the interaction and chuckle. 

"I kinda feel sorry for Hunter when he gets put through this," voiced (Y/N), knowing her brother was both brave and smart, but she doubted he could come up with something quick enough to defend against Lily and her protectiveness. However, he would likely call her adorable and compliment her on her chosen tactics. "Should I advise him to prepare?" she said with a smile. 

"I promise I haven't corrupted the snappy dragon," softly spoke Sirius, holding his hands up as if to surrender. "If anything, I encourage the chaos already there," he added, quickly dodging when Lily threw her hand towards him in a swotting manner. 

"Snappy Dragon?" questioned (Y/N), confusion rife in her voice as she tried to comprehend the nickname and decide whether she liked it. "That's a terrible combination, Seriously Strong," she replied, responding with a cheesy nickname. Causing even Peter to burst into a fit of laughter. 

"If anything, Lil," spoke Remus, his voice calm despite the feeling of being interrogated and dreading the full moon fast approaching. " Black Snap brings the playfulness out of each other. She encourages him to be better, while he jokingly teases her to keep her out of trouble and vers her attention back to where it should be, especially in class. We all know how easily (Y/N) can get distracted," he added, speaking truths those who looked close enough could see. The map and the potion had provided a distraction, enough that (Y/N) wasn't turning the castle into a nightmare of pranks. 

"As for the other pair. We all know it would be Mar corrupting our innocent Remmy," called Isolde, laughing at the unimpressed look Marlene sent in her direction, and the quizzical look Remus had painted on his own features as he questioned when he'd branded so innocent. 

"Remus. Innocent? Are you sure you know him?" called James. 

"Compared to the rest of you, he's innocent," replied Lily before settling down at the table between Peter and Isolde, wasting little time in reaching for the toast and her favorite spread. The conversation soon turned to the lessons that day. Defense Against The Dark Arts, Potions, Transfigurations, Spells, Herbology, and Care of Magical Creatures. It was a busy day, with those who were a part of the Quidditch team also having practice after dinner that night. No doubt preparing for the last match of the season, Gryffindor vs Hufflepuff. 

At the end of the long Hufflepuff Table near the golden doors, Allegra sat with Ulrica, Georgie, Samantha, Raya, and Jessica, smiling as she engaged in conversation, the feeling of belonging overwhelming her. All she had hoped for seemed to come true; she was building friendships with people with the same beliefs and idealism. They, too, wanted to be famous when they were older; they wanted to be known across the world just like her. Neither Ulrica nor Georgie was overly fond of her twin Isolde or the three girls she called friends.

Quickly, they had clued Allegra in on their plan; they were going to terrorize the scared Marauder. Peter. It would start out small enough, a spell here and there, in a similar way to how the prank war had begun between the Marauders and (Y/N) before it flourished into a friendship. But as time passed, they were going to get bolder and bolder. Their goal was to get him to be suspicious of everything, terrified to leave the tower even for classes and fun with friends. 

"That won't work," spoke Allegra upon being clued in with the entire plan. "Peter is never alone, and it's almost impossible to get him on his own. He surrounds himself with more powerful friends for a reason," she added, displaying her power of observation and the little knowledge she had on the larger group of her stupid twin found herself a part of. "Exploit his lack of confidence, make it seem like it's better for him to be with you. If he thinks you'll protect him better than James, Sirius, and Remus, you'll be able to turn him against them and use him to get information to torment them. Maybe even about their secret plans," finished Allegra, providing helpful insight and quickly proving her value. 

"Could help us gain information as a means of blackmail," spoke Samantha, a vicious intent ringing through her otherwise quiet voice, her eyes glimmering with malice at the thoughts of the wicked games. 

"Tell me more about this Dark Lord," spoke Allegra, not caring if she came across as an idiot to her new friends. She was a muggle-born, after all; like many with no magic, she was obvious and blind to what happened in the magical world most of the time. To the point she hadn't even realized there was a growing threat and that war was already happening. 

"Lord Voldemort," spoke Raya, her voice no louder than a whisper, as if to keep the conversation secret from those passing by. "He's not normally fond of Mudbloods, but I'm willing to bet he'd make an exception for one as like-minded as you," she added, using the term mudblood so casually that one wouldn't have immediately assumed it was an insult. "He's looking to recruit into his ranks. Death Eaters, his followers. Together, they aim to bring change to the wizarding community and bring the vision of Salazar Slytherin true. First Britain, then the world," she added as if the whole thing was the best thing since magic. 

"The war by the Ministry. Of course, they don't agree with his vision. Dad says once the Order of the Phoenix is eliminated, the Ministry will fall, then our Wizarding World will be reformed for a better future," spoke Jessica, not hiding her intentions to join the ranks of the Death Eaters when she graduated from Hogwarts, just as her brother Evan also intended to do when he left school. "Most of the pure-blood families are supporters, with the exception of a few blood traitors," she mumbled, immediately thinking of Aleister Moody, The Wolffe family, and the Weasleys. A few members of the Black family also disagreed with the traditions of pure-blood ideals. Most notably Andromeda Tonks. Sirius was showing signs of it, too. 

"Voldemort will win. The wizarding world needs him to survive. It's gotten weak," rambled Georgie, ignoring the fact her mother was a muggle who believed in magic, ignoring she was a half-blood. "Dad is a firm believer in Voldemort's vision," she added confidently, seemingly oblivious to her father breaking the traditions of his pure-blood family to marry a muggle. Seemingly forgetting she was the only one out of three to be gifted with magic like her father. Her two sisters were magicless squibs, taking after their mother and blending into the ordinary world. Their father had forbidden them from knowing the magical world. 

"So how does one become a Death Eater?" asked Allegra, wanting nothing more than to be a part of a movement that would reform the magical world. Oblivious, it would be her own kind that the war was against and that of normal muggles blind to the magic surrounding them. All she cared about was being a part of something that shared her beliefs, something that would eventually change the world. Unaware Voldemort sort to be a greater threat than Gellert Grindelwald had been before. 

Series Masterlist

[rosethornewrites]

I was finally diagnosed with Hidradenitis suppurativa last year. This was despite the fact that I suspected I had it for several years before based on research I did because I knew what was happening wasn’t normal. I’d been suffering from it to various degrees since I was a teenager.

Hidradenitis suppurativa is characterized by tunneling cysts, which leaves tracks on the skin, that will move to various locations in the body via the tunneling. Of course, the tunneling is painful and leaves voids that can become terribly infected. Often these cysts are in the groin and armpits.

Despite this, when I told my GP my suspicions, she told me it might help to lose weight and then disregarded it. She never referred me to a dermatologist.

HS is considered a hormone-influenced autoimmune condition.

This was after a large abscess had formed on my arm spontaneously and required FIVE ROUNDS of heavy-duty antibiotics to finally go away.

To say this upset me was an understatement.

I’m not the only one in my family with HS. My mom has it, and for a while was regularly having cysts removed by a plastic surgeon, including one that was the size of a baseball, but flattened out across a huge area. She didn’t know it was a specific condition until I told her.

But she did know I had a problem, which typically occurred as painful cysts in my underarms. Constant, to the point where I couldn’t wear deodorant if it had any form of antiperspirant because that would start it and make it worse.

So one year, for Christmas, she asked me if I would like my underarm sweat glands to be basically lasered to death, which her plastic surgeon thought would help solve the problem. The price tag was about $5000 but my mom was willing to spend that to try to help me not be miserable.

And so in the early 2010s, that was my Christmas gift. Took a train to the city, accompanied by a friend, had breakfast at a nice restaurant, as eating before was recommended, and went to the office.

They shoot you up with local anesthetic, and then these suction devices are attached to your entire armpit and the laser treatment begins. I’m not sure how long the procedure was, but it was very painful and I’m glad my friend went with me.

I went home and to sleep with ice packs taped to my underarms, healed up in a few days, and haven’t had nearly the problems I used to. But I went to that extent trying to treat the problem, and the only doctor who could offer me a solution was a plastic surgeon—which means I will never judge anyone going to one ever.

Eventually, last year, I decided to look into sterilization surgery, and so was referred to a gynecologist, who was perhaps the best doctor I’ve had in my life. I was low-key worried some of the pain was from something like endometriosis.

On sight, she told me “I think you have this condition, Hidradenitis suppurativa.” I told her I mentioned I thought I had it to my doctor, and what she’d said about losing weight. The gynecologist snorted derisively and said “Yeah, no. It’s almost entirely hormonal, so we’re going to get you on hormonal birth control to start treating it, and I’m referring you to a dermatologist.”

Dermatologist took one look at me and said “Yeah, that looks like stage 2 HS, for sure.” I still don’t know what stage 2 is or how many stages HS has. Once the worst of the infection cleared up, she put me on antibiotics that she hoped would help clear it up. They worked, but not entirely, simply shrinking them to be less painful, and they stopped tunneling.

We were working on getting me on Humira when I left my job and moved home.

Then my childhood doctor decided he wouldn’t give me a prescription for the antibiotics, saying “I would probably prescribe something different.” And then not doing so, despite acknowledging the diagnosis.

Within a week, I had tunneling abscesses, and it’s been a horrid struggle since. Needless to say, I’m not going back to that doctor and have an initial appointment with a new one next week.

But this struggle is horrific and depressing, and it’s added to my already chronic pain from fibromyalgia (which my mom also has), and I just wish doctors would fucking LISTEN.

Before my mom met her plastic surgeon, she was performing self-surgery at home because her condition was ignored by doctors. She didn’t even have any idea that she had HS until I found it researching and eventually got a diagnosis.

It’s absolute hell to get decent healthcare, even if you have the money to seek it, in the US. It’s especially hard if you are BIPOC, have a uterus, and/or have a higher BMI.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve been open about the condition and have actually helped several people who were able to get dermatology referrals based on finally learning they might have a condition that’s treatable. If I can provide that help through my openness and through writing this post, I will.

I’m 40 years old and have been struggling with this since I was 13 or so, and only received an official diagnosis last year. My mom is 67 and only learned through me last year what she’s been struggling with her whole life—and she rarely gets them anymore because she’s post-menopausal, but at least she has a name for it.

[radioactiveradley]

What would you consider the hardest imaging modality to work with? Any tips on how to get my eyes adjusted to the different images/radiographs they’re producing? I’m a student struggling with the different modalities and machines and the radiographs are just starting to look like blurry black and white and gray swirls in my eyes. 😵‍💫

Oh goshhhh, best of luck to you!

I'm going to give an annoyingly honest answer to 'which is the hardest imaging modality to work with'. It depends a lot on what you're looking at, and how you're looking at it!

In general, I would say that MRI is the easiest for discerning anatomy. Those are our crisp, clear, pretty images, which differentiate the soft tissues of the body beautifully. Especially when seen in the coronal plane (aka: the view you typically find in anatomy diagrams), it's suuuuper easy to discern different organs.

The only problem is.... it's kinda hard to express that on tumblr, when you can only post one image! MRI and CT produce 2D 'slices' of a 3D image in every plane, meaning that you're supposed to scroll through them to get the whole concept of the anatomy, rather than visualising a single image.

Here is a static normal abdomen MRI image, taken of a pregnant person, courtesy of radiopaedia. But I would enocurage folks to follow the link and scroll through the whole series!

The hardest modality to interpret (and, I would argue, use) in most cases would, in my opinion, be Ultrasound. Ultrasound is a cheap, fast and accessible imaging modality, which is incredibly useful as it can take 'dynamic images' (i.e., video, basically) without incurring a massive radiation dose. The pay-off is.... it's all fuzzy grey blobs.

Guess what this is! Go on, guess! Dingdingding, it's prostate cancer

You can get an awful lot of information out of those grey blobs, but you need a skilled Sonographer with a lot of wrist strength to be performing the exam and interpretating the images. My limp-wristed ass could never.

Ultrasound can be incredibly clear though! Some structures within the body are very difficult to image using MRI or CT, as they are in constant motion - your heart is the classic! We can compile 3D images of these structures by using ECG Gating - we trigger the CT scanner to only take 'pictures' (with radiation) when the heart is in diastole. This results in a gorgeous clear 3D image of the heart! But depending on the stage of diagnosis/suspected pathology, it can honestly be... just a lot quicker, cheaper and easier to whip out the ol' Ultrasound and do some good ol' echocardiography.

Check out this beautiful transthoracic view of the heart, taken using Ultrasound, showing clear differentiation between the four chambers!

Courtesy of Radiopaedia

But what this image can't show you is how this structure is moving, which is the key benefit of Ultrasound. The cardiologist taking this echocardiagram would be watching the motions of the muscle and assessing the function of the valves, not just looking at the static anatomy. Ultrasound might not be the best at creating detailed anatomical images, but it performs very well as a dynamic device, allowing the sonographer to watch various mechanisms at work within the body or, say, find a Deep Vein Thrombus by activating the Doppler and locating the point where the blood has clotted in someone's leg.

As for advice.... my best advice is to develop a three-dimensional model of human anatomy in your head, which you can spin around and rotate as you please to orientate yourself along the different planes used in imaging. Then you can just visualise where you are within your model as you scroll through the images, and figure out the blobby greyness using your knowledge of anatomy!

That sounds WAY easier said than done - and may take serious effort, depending on how good your individual brain is at thinking spatially and reconstructing images in 3D. I'd recommend accessing a resource like Anatomy TV, which lets you basically put human anatomy in the Horse Plinko Machine and twist it about and play with it and prod it from every angle. There are some free versions as well, but I'm afraid I can't vouch for their quality!

Again, best of luck, and keep practicing! It gets easier (and less confusing) I promise you! I am always here if you wanna yell.

[seaphoam-writes]

A Father's Duty (32/?)

A Father's Duty on AO3

Summary: An encounter with a quantum fissure leaves Picard with more responsibility than he asked for, but he'll do what he always does—his duty.

Chapter 32

Deanna’s empathic powers are technically passive—she can’t manipulate other people’s emotions, only sense them—but they are not without physical side effects. Excessive use can cause headaches, sometimes even fatigue, and there’s a constant risk of sheer overstimulation.

She hides this all to the extent that she’s capable of doing so. Will Riker is probably the only person aside from her mother who truly knows what her powers do to her. He seems to have a sixth sense about it, actually; he’s always aware of when she might be feeling too much or too strongly, and all it takes is a glance from him to remember herself, to dial her powers down or turn them off entirely.

In any case, Deanna usually keeps her mind closed to a certain degree in order to function. This way, she’s able to sense emotions but at a distance—just enough to perceive them but not enough for them to affect her.

The best way to describe it is like being enclosed in a tinted glass box: voices are muffled, expressions obscured.

But with Louis she opens her mind completely, unsure how deeply his feelings are buried.

When they walk into her office, he’s immediately wary, an almost caged-animal-like tension. Sometimes, when her mind is open and an emotion is particularly intense it will trigger other senses, and she’ll experience a smell or taste, see an image in her mind—occasionally have an actual physical sensation in her body. Now, Louis’s panic spikes and Deanna sees a brief flash of two faces: Louis wants his father, he wants Data—

Deanna gently lays her hand on Louis’s shoulder and is relieved when he doesn’t flinch or shrug her off. To her, that suggests his reaction is not a rection to her, but the setting.

“This is my office,” she says. “This is where people come when they need someone to listen to them or they want a safe place to express their emotions. It’s my job as ship’s counselor to care for the mental and emotional wellbeing of everyone on board.” She smiles then, and repeats it in simpler terms. “Dr. Crusher takes care of our bodies, and I take care of our minds.”

Now he’s confused, curious: why is he here?

“I thought you and I should talk. I sense that you’re struggling with some big, complicated feelings. I can help you make sense of these feelings.”

Doubt. A flare of wariness again. She suspects that someone from his past made a similar offer. Apparently, it didn’t work out very well.

Deanna turns so that they’re facing each other. “You know that I’m an empath, correct?” she asks.

“Oui—I mean, yes.”

(Don’t get her started on how cute his little French voice is.)

“Do you know what being an empath means?” she asks.

“It means you can tell what other people are feeling.”

“Exactly. For example, I can tell right now that you’re feeling nervous.”

He’s actually experiencing a shifting, snarled mass of emotions that he’s constantly trying to suppress—but it’s best to keep it simple, to pick a place to start ad go from there.

Louis frowns then, abruptly self-conscious of his nervousness, embarrassed by it.

“It’s okay to feel nervous,” Deanna assures him. “Everyone feels nervous sometimes.” She lowers her voice, and gives the room a long, scrutinizing glance. “Is this room making you nervous?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like to go somewhere else?” she whispers, pretending as if the room might be capable of hearing her.

Louis grins, his nervousness dropping away. “No, I’m okay.”

Deanna straightens and brightens her tone. “Why don’t we play some games while we talk? I find that it’s easier to talk sometimes if my hands are busy.”

“Ok.” And then, in a very child-like way that pleases her, “What games do you have?”

“Games may have been an exaggeration,” she admits. “I mostly just have puzzles. I was thinking we could try these.”

She shows him to the tangram puzzles she had selected beforehand and stacked on one end of the couch. He studies them with curiosity, and definite interest—he’s never seen them before, but they’re appealing. He wants to try them.

“Would you like to do one together? Or separately?”

“Can I do one on my own?”

A feeling of contentment and an image of lying on the floor with a sketchbook with Data in the background of the small space they’re sharing, then paralyzing uncertainty and a classroom of students working in groups that don’t seem to notice his existence.

“Of course,” Deanna replies. “Pick one, and I’ll pick after.”

Relieved, Louis selects a hexagonal puzzle. Deanna takes a rectangular one, then sits directly on the floor and puts her puzzle on the table. Louis copies her. He organizes his pieces on the table, sorting first by color before deciding to do it by shape instead.

“Is there only one right way?” he asks.

“No, there are multiple solutions. That’s one reason why I enjoy these.”

She waits until she senses that his mind is fully devoted to the puzzle before asking, “Is it okay if we talk? Or would you prefer to concentrate on your puzzle?”

Louis’s attention splits. He side-eyes her, wary again, but she keeps her own attention on her hands and eventually his guard lowers. She feels a tentative blossom of trust.

“We can talk,” he says.

It’s a delicate operation, a share and an invitation to share back, a broad question and then a gradual narrowing down to the information she really wants. She focuses mostly on the here and now, but when an avenue to the past opens up, she tests it—if she feels him tensing, which is often, she pulls back and changes topic.

While they talk, Deanna begins to detect a thread of fear that’s woven through the present but also tangled up in the past, and she decides to tug on that thread.

“Louis,” she says slowly, “I sense that you’re afraid of something, but trying very hard to ignore it.”

Something inside of Louis cracks open and the contents ooze out, something that prickles Deanna’s skin and turns her stomach.

“I’m afraid something is going to happen and I’ll have to leave again,” Louis confesses.

Deanna expected avoidance, withdrawal—not a complete and instantaneous unraveling, a sudden surge of emotions so powerful that she’s consumed by it, helpless to stop the onslaught of sensations and images.

The smell of smoke, tremendous heat, flashes of flickering orange light, pain in her head and side. Will Riker standing in a corridor—uniform singed, bloodstained—then he’s blurred by tears and there’s just the pain in her head and side.

A Borg cube on a viewscreen. Data’s hand guiding her through a chaotic press of bodies.

She’s watching through a shuttlecraft window as a space station slowly disappears into the distance, a ship disappears, a planet disappears, a ship explodes.

“I don’t want Starfleet to take me away.”

Men she doesn’t recognize, a captain with four pips on his collar and a doctor in blue, a gang of yellow shirts, blood in her mouth, throat hoarse from screaming, fists aching from banging them against something solid that refuses to break.

It’s an effort to find herself amidst the maelstrom, but when she does, when she’s able to grasp her own edges, discern the border between her and Louis, Deanna closes her mind, the mental equivalent of lowering a blast door.

The roar in her head silenced, Deanna takes a deep breath and regards Louis. Instinctively, she wants to protect him, to fix the problem so he won’t be sad or angry or scared anymore…

But that’s not her job. Her job is to validate his experience, to help him recognize his emotions and deal with them.

“It must be difficult to feel as if you’re safe here when you’re so used to being in danger all the time,” she tells him quietly.

After a moment, he murmurs, “I feel safe sometimes.”

Deanna opens her mind, just enough to let in—

the scent of earl grey, the taste of bread and butter and bitter orange, her face pressed to a scratchy uniform shirt and a hand cradling her head; red hair, a soft touch on her cheek; Will’s laugh reverberating in her chest; the precise shape and volume of the space that Data takes up in any setting, any situation.

—and then she closes it tightly once more.

Afterwards, she’s feeling worn out, hollow. It’s because of this, probably, that she’s so determinedly trying to coax out the details of Beverly and the captain’s evening together.

“So, what did you have for dessert last night?”

“Cranachan.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s Scottish.”

Beverly’s answers have so far been nondescript, which is objectively completely fair given that they’re in sickbay and Data and Geordi are standing only a few feet away.

“Describe it to me,” Deanna insists. She opened her mind again, committed to catching every warm, fluttery emotion that Beverly’s trying valiantly to suppress.

Beverly arches a brow. “Describe it to you?”

“Yes. Tell me what it tastes like.”

“It tastes like cranachan.”

“And what does cranachan—” Emphasis Deanna’s— “taste like?”

Beverly smirks impishly.  “It tastes like raspberries and cream.”

His tongue parting her lips, the taste of cranachan and coffee.

Smugly, Deanna says, “I thought you said you wouldn’t be able to enjoy dessert because Louis would be there.”

Beverly’s furious blush is accompanied by a brief lapse of control, a flood of sensations.

His hands on her thighs, thumbs dangerously low, stroking lines of fire against her skin; beneath her, between her legs—

Deanna closes her mind again until the sensory extras fade away. She doesn’t not want the juicy details, but that was about to go too far.

Data tilts his head. “Doctor, my counterpart’s memory records indicate that Louis has an immense fondness for sweets. Was he not invited to partake in dessert?”

“Children typically don’t partake until they’re much older,” Deanna informs him, at which point several things click into place for Geordi and he turns away to hide a smile. Beverly’s lips are pursed, her emotions a mix of annoyance and amusement.

Data’s face is scrunched in consternation. “Counselor, I do not believe that statement is accurate. I have witnessed children eating dessert on several occasions, and—”

A burst of something warm and bright in the corridor draws Deanna’s attention and she turns towards it with an involuntary exclamation.

Immediately on alert, Beverly moves to stand beside her. “What is it?”

“The captain and Louis,” Deanna replies. Their emotions are as recognizable to her as their faces or their voices would be. Beverly’s anxiety nibbles at the edges of her awareness. “Everything’s fine,” she says. “Don’t worry. They’re…I don’t know what they’re talking about, but there’s an intense feeling of love flowing back and forth between them right now. It’s really quite beautiful.”

She hums a note of contentment, that warm, bright feeling wrapping her up exactly like in all her memories of her father’s embrace. The sensation lingers even as the doors open. Louis and Captain Picard walk in together, Louis tucked into the place at the captain’s side that seems as if it was made for him.

There’s a moment where everything is still and silent, like a held breath, and then the captain lifts his head and his eyes meet Beverly’s and there’s a simultaneous ignition in both of them, a  concurrent swell of attraction in both of them that builds and erupts and rushes forward and collides.

To Deanna it’s as if a bomb detonated somewhere in between Captain Picard and Beverly. Even with her mind partially closed she can’t avoid the emotional shrapnel.

Beverly’s weight in her lap, the texture of her tights—

The clean scent of Jean-Luc’s skin, standard issue soap or aftershave, she can’t tell—

Deanna giggles, then presses her hand to her mouth to stifle it. “I’m sorry, it’s—I have to—I’ll be right back.”

Her entire body alight with—frankly—unwanted sensations, Deanna escapes to Beverly’s office to cool down, replicating a literal ice pack to speed the process. Later, she’ll realize that she probably deserves this. She pried, and now she’ll be haunted for an eternity. She’ll conclude, also later, that her suffering might be lessened if she had someone to suffer with—and that someone, she decides with a grin that’s equal parts wicked and fond, will be Will Riker.

[sleepyheadscompany]

TW: DID struggles, fear of faking, mention of long inpatient stays

hello!

It’s been a while since i’ve posted anything DID so imma just type I guess.

I’ve been having some of the worst DID imposter syndrome ever and i guess that’s sort of expected for how my system functions.

I discovered my system in 2021 during covid. I was actually in the best place I’d ever been in right before covid. My spiral downward was pretty sharp. My system kicked into action and I wouldn’t really hold front for more than a few days at a time. This would go on for a few months.

I went inpatient for that and similar issues, got out, went in again a few months later and stayed in inpatient mental health treatment for more than 7 months straight and then post hospitalization for exactly a year immediately afterwards. Traumatizing as it was, it made systemhood pretty easy to spot.

I’ve been doing better. My system activity is very much based on necessity. When things are good, my system is pretty much quiet. But once things get bad or I get triggered, things get fuzzy or I might even black out.

Like right now, the last time I remember being triggered and switching was in October/November. (a lot of the time switching happens without me realizing until after i get a date wrong or miss some information) I’m doing pretty normal. It feels too good to be true honestly.

Now. the crux of the issue: was I just faking? Was I just searching for an answer to my problem all those years ago and, like, gaslit myself into believing it? When I first talked to a therapist about DID I didn’t really have social media or know it was a big trend to fake it.

My high school psychology 101 class had a DID unit. That’s how I learned what it was. I didn’t even suspect that’s what it was until a therapist laid out all my symptoms for me and told me I was also severely dissociating. It clicked, I mentioned alters as a possibility, the rest is history.

I feel like my DID is so different to tiktok’s version. (yes, eventually I caved and downloaded tiktok to see what the community was like. I promptly closed out of the app./j) I’m not officially diagnosed, but multiple therapist have referred to what I have as DID. Before that, I never would have actually called it that out of fear. That’s part of it I think.

I’m “medically recognized” is the best way I know to put it. I feel like my experience with systemhood is too different. I don’t have stellar communication with my alters or access to headspace or a little paper that says i’m super extra valid as per a doctor I could never afford on my own.

We don’t have different hand writing or different accents or different IQs as far as I know. There aren’t 100+ of us or even more than 10. I hardly even know what my alters look like?? i mean how do people even know that stuff??? Do they guess???? I can imagine what some look like because they’ve said stuff in passing but i’ve never ‘seen’ them.

I feel all this pressure to pretend like I do have all this stuff because i’m worried someone’s going to harass me if i don’t. Some “your DID isn’t the right super edgy aesthetic” type bs.

ESPECIALLY now that my alters don’t really talk to me now that life is better. Oh and GOD forbid a system have a normal, not agony filled life. I feel more fake than ever bc my DID is ‘wrong’ and it’s not causing me constant immediate distress. I’ve cried and yelled and hurt myself over this disorder. Like ptsd breakdowns with a side of looking in the mirror and not recognizing my own face. But it doesn’t feel good enough.

I’ve ACTUALLY had issues with severe dissociation and derealization and fuge and it’d be really embarrassing for none of it to have been real yk? So i’m worried.

But I guess, in the same vain, I’ve cried and yelled and hurt myself over this disorder. If that’s not real struggle, I’m not sure what is.

-Saturn🪐

[itsn0tjamess]

Healing

By James Cast

the isolated cries of the "distant" child

the troubles of the day packed up and neatly filed

into little compartments in the mind, stockpiled

never finishing on time, always working slow

making "careless" mistakes that the teachers say i'll outgrow

but not one of them seemed to be in the know

easily distracted, always living in 'daydreams'

online but never present in microsoft teams

and yet nobody managed to notice the themes?

constant talking, constant bouncing, never sitting still

lessons always felt like i was climbing an imaginary hill

never really putting pen to paper, never breaking out the quill

always feeling like the alien in the room

as if i was another species in a human costume

no-one even noticed i was running on a single fume

because i wasn't a 'problem' they didn't see a need to fix me

managed to get myself through, only failing 1 gcse

so why would they even suspect i had adhd?

it's not like they saw the meltdowns every night

it's not like they knew revision was a fight

they didn't see the struggle to get work done - try as i might

sometimes i think it's because i was assigned female at birth

because adhd looks different in women and girls

us afab people learn to mask ourselves for all that it's worth

the further i've gotten into my transition,

the easier it's become to get people to listen

securing a referral has become less of a mission

because symptoms are noticed easier in men

the system recognises me more now than they ever did back then

and it's almost as if i want to live my school years over again

just so i could tell my teachers what i know now

to advocate for myself, stop myself blending into the crowd

to get the support i would have gotten if only i'd have been loud.

yeah, i know i'm not the best

most days i'm a hyperactive mess

and my thoughts race away from me while i'm trying to catch up with the rest

but i'm a person nonetheless

sometimes i grieve for what might have been

if i'd realised earlier instead of taking it on the chin

i wonder what direction life would have taken me in

and i know it's not helpful to dwell

but i just wish they'd been able to tell

instead of letting me grow into a shell of myself

i'm a product of my environment

and sometimes it feels like i'm an experiment

of "let's see what happens when we ignore the neurodivergent"

but i grew despite all the adversity

what i lack in academics, i make up for in creativity

might not have a degree but at least i understand complexity

i'm trying to get over it, trying to stop the grieving

and as i'm writing this, it kinda feels relieving

so i think this is my first step in healing.

[fanficshiddles]

Gravity Of You, Chapter 12

Lyra closed her eyes as the frost giant approached, she waited for the end. Terrified.

But she heard roaring and as she opened her eyes, there was a flurry of blue that pounced on top of the approaching giant, knocking him down.

It was Loki!

Lyra had never been so relieved before, and she was so happy to see him. While she was shaking from the cold, she watched as the two frost giants fought one another, snarling and growling.

She was worried for him getting hurt, but was starting to struggle to concentrate. She was SO cold it was becoming unbearable.

Loki could tell that Lyra was in distress, but he needed to sort out the frost giant first. He managed to knock him down with his helmed horns long enough to get an arm wrapped tightly around his neck, choking him till he passed out.

‘Lyra, my love.’ Loki rushed over to her, he scooped her up into his arms in an instant and wrapped his cape around her shivering form.

‘L… Loki.’ She leaned into his chest, trying to clutch at him.

‘Let’s get you warmed up.’ He cradled her against him with one hand, then used his free hand to climb back up the mountain and took her back through the doorway to Vanaheim.

The skiff was still there, Loki got her into it carefully and he kept her wrapped in his cape to get her warmed up. It wasn’t the best idea, but he quickly got a small fire going on it. Then he sat down and had Lyra in against his side, as near to the fire as possible to heat her up.

‘Loki…’ She whispered, when her violent shivering subsided.

‘Yes, my love. I’m here.’ Loki said softly, rubbing her upper arm.

‘You found me.’ She smiled.

‘And you found me.’ He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, making her heart soar.

‘But how? I thought you would be trapped… what happened?’ Lyra asked.

‘Odin ended up giving me an option, to stay in Asgard under constant supervision with my powers back, or to leave to find you and remain like this forever.’

‘You… You chose to remain like this for me?’ She gasped, eyes widening.

‘Of course I did. Because I love you. And I don’t care what others think, if you can love me like this, that’s all that matters to me.’ Loki said softly.

Lyra’s eyes watered. ‘I love you so much, Loki.’

‘I love you so much too, my Starlight girl. I promise, I will never let you go. I will protect you always… And I will show you the world. Now we are both free.’

Lyra, still with his cape around her, scrambled onto his lap and hugged him tightly. He embraced her back, his heart exploding in happiness.

‘I’m just so glad you’re safe.’ Loki sighed as he pressed his nose into her hair, breathing in her scent deeply.

‘Me too.’ She whispered.

After some silence, just the two of them cuddling. Lyra suddenly remembered. ‘Oh, Loki… when I was in the village here… Not that I want you to change, but if you want it, there was a witch who I met. Maybe she could help you? If you did want your powers back.’ Lyra suggested.

‘A witch?’ Loki raised an eyebrow.

‘Yeah. She seemed really nice, rather powerful from what I’d heard from a few others. But they made a deal with her, she protects the village in return for food and somewhere to live without judgement, in peace. She gave me some supplies of food to keep me going.’

‘Hmm. She would want something in return, I suspect.’ Loki trailed his fingers up and down her arm.

‘Might be worth speaking to her.’ Lyra shrugged. ‘But I love you as you are, but I will support whatever you want to do.’

‘Thank you, my love.’ He squeezed her gently.

After letting Lyra rest and get nice and warmed up, Loki made sure she had something to eat too, they then headed back for the village.

Lyra pointed out where she had met the witch.

‘Did you get a name from her?’ Loki asked as they walked over to her cottage that was on the outskirts of the village.

‘I think she said her name was Agatha.’

When they reached the end of the path, said witch came out of her house. She smiled widely at Lyra, then cautiously looked at Loki.

‘Ah, so is this the lover you were trying to find?’ Agatha chuckled.

Lyra nodded. ‘I wanted to thank you again, for helping me out.’

‘You’re very welcome, dear. I get the feeling you are in need of something else, that’s why you’re here?’ She asked knowingly.

Loki and Lyra looked at one another, then back to Agatha.

‘Is there any chance you’d be able to break the curse put upon me? It’s blocking my ability to not only change my form, but stopping me from using my own magic.’ Loki asked, still not completely sure on the witch yet.

Agatha walked down the path towards them, eyeing Loki up carefully. She paused and tapped her lip. ‘Hmm. It’s strong magic, I can sense it… Asgardian royalty?’

‘It’s Odin’s handy work.’ Loki grumbled.

Agatha’s eyes widened slightly. ‘Ah, King of Asgard. That could be a tricky one, but not impossible… Of course, I would need something in return. How powerful are you, since you speak of magic?’

‘I am very powerful.’ Loki growled low. ‘I’m Loki, Prince of Jotunheim. Was Prince of Asgard.’

‘Ohh, it’s you! Now then, that helps me make my mind up.’ Agatha then began circling Loki. ‘As I said, I will need something in return… How about protection, when I need you, I will call?’

Loki shook his head and looked at Lyra, reaching out he took her hand and gave her a gentle squeeze. ‘No. I want to be able to go and live in peace with Lyra. I don’t want anything to do with fighting or schemes again… Maybe there’s something else we can arrange though.’ He paused and looked to the side.

‘Ah, Lyra… See that man over there?’ Loki pointed not too far in the distance.

Lyra nodded.

‘He’s an old friend of Thor’s. Would you mind going and asking him if we can get some supplies for a long journey from him? Tell him I will come speak to him soon.’

‘Sure.’ Lyra nodded, then headed off, leaving Loki and Agatha alone.

Agatha looked at Loki expectantly.

‘I can give you all the information you need to take down Asgard… I get the feeling that’s something that may be of interest to you? I can sense your power, you’re no ordinary witch. I don’t want to know, and don’t care what you’ve done or want to do. But I desperately want a quiet life with my girl, I don’t care about anything else… Though I do request that you don’t harm Frigga.’

Agatha’s eyes lit up completely, she felt like all her birthdays had come at once.

‘Tell me everything.’ She grinned wickedly.

Loki told her of the doorways to other realms, especially the one to Asgard. He explained about when Odin went on hunting trips, taking Thor and the warriors three too. Then how was best to get into the house of Odin and how to take it down from the inside.

Agatha was pleased with all the information. So she kept her side of the bargain.

Lyra had just returned as Agatha was casting a spell, mumbling things that she didn’t understand as dark clouds rolled in over them with thunder booming. There was a purple glow that surrounded Loki, Lyra got worried for a moment when Agatha started hovering up above the ground, and so did Loki.

The glow around Loki slowly began to turn green, then he shrank in size and turned from his Jotun form into his Asgardian form.

Lyra was wide eyed when Agatha’s spell finished, and Loki landed on his feet again. In his royal Asgardian armour. He gasped as he looked down at himself, then he laughed with a big grin, unable to believe that he was finally back in this form again.

And he could feel his power surging through his veins again. Finally.

[ljf613]

Toko for the ship meme — I need your raw honesty here

Alright, the nice, simple stuff first:

I love Toko. Hands down my absolute favorite ATLA ship, no contest. Here's a list of the many, many things I love about them.

Now, for the honest opinion that will get me cancelled by half of the (already miniscule) Toko fanbase:

Toko is actually a lot like Maiko.

I can't find it now, but I think it was @irresistible-revolution who made a post about how you can't really understand or appreciate Azulaang until you fully understand and appreciate Kataang-- and the more I explore Toph and Zuko's dynamics, the more I realize that you can't really get why they work until you understand what makes Maiko work. (In fact, the more I dive into Toko, the more I find myself truly loving and appreciating Maiko, which is now one of my favorite ATLA ships.)

First off, Mai and Toph..... are very similar characters. Mai's cynicism and detatchment is, at its root, not much different from Toph's sarcasm and braggadocio-- they're both forms of rebellion against overbearing outside expectations. (The biggest difference between them is that Toph is a lot more comfortable verbally expressing her emotions and desires-- and dealing with the emotional vulnerabilities of others-- than Mai. Which makes sense if you understand the root of their traumas: Mai learnt how to bury herself internally from the pressures of everyone around her, while Toph learnt how to escape externally from pressures imposed solely from her home.)

In a relationship, both of them would balance Zuko in similar ways. Neither of them would put up with his constant temperamentality and self-pity, but they would both be willing to try and help-- as long as he'd be willing to meet them halfway. They would both push him to do better, be better, rather than staying contendedly as is.

And in exchange, Zuko would match both of them very well. He may not be the best with words, but he's very good at showing how he feels, which both girls value. He's able to acknowledge his mistakes and works hard to make amends for them, which is something they'd deeply appreciate. And he would treat whoever his partner was as an equal, which is something both of them need.

Which is not to say both ships are exactly the same, or that their dynamics would be identical. There is a reason I prefer Toko over Maiko-- or, rather, three reasons.

Toph's ability to express her desires and be vulnerable. If Toph has a problem, or there's something she needs, she'll tell you straight out. Mai, on the other hand, will bottle things up until they reach a boiling point, and then it will all come shooting to the surface at once-- and at the same time, deep down, she wants the people in her life to recognize what she's struggling with, and finds herself frustrated when they don't. For someone like Zuko, who is, ultimately, a fixer, but can also be rather clueless and completely miss subtleties, he could really use someone like Toph, who will beat him over the head with her problems, rather than try to hide them.

From a political standpoint, Zuko marrying Mai would not be the greatest idea. Yes, as a member of the Fire Nation's upper class, she would likely be a popular choice within the confines of his own country. However, the other nations (particularly the Earth Kingdom) would likely see such a move as a typical example of Fire Nation elitism. Someone like Toph, who's powerful and upper-crust enough to impress the Fire Nation, but who is also unapologetically Earth, would be more likely to appease all parties involved. (More on this whenever I finally get around to writing that post on what to consider when writing arranged/political marriage dynamics.)

A difference in priorities: Mai values her freedom. After her repressed childhood, she wants to be able to go wherever she wants and do as she pleases-- and much as she might love Zuko, I suspect she'd find spending her life in the palace far too confining and restricting. But Toph, much as she loves her freedom-- the freedom to be who she is without having to hide-- has two things she craves more than that. The first, unsurprisingly for a child of Earth, is stability. She needs the stability of knowing who she is, and the stability of knowing that there are people who will accept her as she is. She needs a home, somewhere she belongs and that belongs to her-- whether that's a person, a place, or something else entirely. The second is challenge. Toph is never satisfied with stasis, with staying on the same level. She needs something that will stump her, puzzle her, require her to be on her toes rather than resting on her laurels. When you put those together, becoming Royal Consort would be a great fit for her. She has the skills to navigate court intrigue, and the naturally combative nature of Fire Nationals means that her ability to beat up people who try to intimidate her would earn their respect rather than their ire. (She might not love the somewhat restricting nature of royal life, but unlike Mai, she wouldn't see it as a return to her childhood. As a kid, she was hidden from the world, and seen as someone weak and fragile and in need of protection, and had little autonomity. Being in a position of authority, where she's respected and gets to make her own choices, would be an entirely different ball game.)

(And this is not to say Maiko couldn't work. As I said in the beginning, Maiko is one of my favorite ships. These three issues could become a source of tension which, to quote Nat again, are exactly what make writing a romance interesting and challenging.)

Anyhoo, that got a little long and rambly and off topic.

TL;DR: While Toko and Maiko have some differences, they are a lot more similar than most Toko shippers are willing to admit, and I really don't think you can fully understand what makes Zuko and Toph click until you really understand why his relationship with Mai works.

Send me a ship for my (brutally) honest opinions on it.

[imagine-loki]

Gravity Of You, Chapter 12

TITLE: Gravity Of You CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 12 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki’s punishment from Odin is that he’s banished to the mountains, in his Jotun form, unable to change back. And the girl he loves is sent there too, as Odin thinks there’s no way she could love a monster.  RATING: M

  Lyra closed her eyes as the frost giant approached, she waited for the end. Terrified.

But she heard roaring and as she opened her eyes, there was a flurry of blue that pounced on top of the approaching giant, knocking him down.

It was Loki!

Lyra had never been so relieved before, and she was so happy to see him. While she was shaking from the cold, she watched as the two frost giants fought one another, snarling and growling.

She was worried for him getting hurt, but was starting to struggle to concentrate. She was SO cold it was becoming unbearable.

Loki could tell that Lyra was in distress, but he needed to sort out the frost giant first. He managed to knock him down with his helmed horns long enough to get an arm wrapped tightly around his neck, choking him till he passed out.

‘Lyra, my love.’ Loki rushed over to her, he scooped her up into his arms in an instant and wrapped his cape around her shivering form.

‘L… Loki.’ She leaned into his chest, trying to clutch at him.

‘Let’s get you warmed up.’ He cradled her against him with one hand, then used his free hand to climb back up the mountain and took her back through the doorway to Vanaheim.

The skiff was still there, Loki got her into it carefully and he kept her wrapped in his cape to get her warmed up. It wasn’t the best idea, but he quickly got a small fire going on it. Then he sat down and had Lyra in against his side, as near to the fire as possible to heat her up.

‘Loki…’ She whispered, when her violent shivering subsided.

‘Yes, my love. I’m here.’ Loki said softly, rubbing her upper arm.

‘You found me.’ She smiled.

‘And you found me.’ He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, making her heart soar.

‘But how? I thought you would be trapped… what happened?’ Lyra asked.

‘Odin ended up giving me an option, to stay in Asgard under constant supervision with my powers back, or to leave to find you and remain like this forever.’

‘You… You chose to remain like this for me?’ She gasped, eyes widening.

‘Of course I did. Because I love you. And I don’t care what others think, if you can love me like this, that’s all that matters to me.’ Loki said softly.

Lyra’s eyes watered. ‘I love you so much, Loki.’

‘I love you so much too, my Starlight girl. I promise, I will never let you go. I will protect you always… And I will show you the world. Now we are both free.’

Lyra, still with his cape around her, scrambled onto his lap and hugged him tightly. He embraced her back, his heart exploding in happiness.

‘I’m just so glad you’re safe.’ Loki sighed as he pressed his nose into her hair, breathing in her scent deeply.

‘Me too.’ She whispered.

After some silence, just the two of them cuddling. Lyra suddenly remembered. ‘Oh, Loki… when I was in the village here… Not that I want you to change, but if you want it, there was a witch who I met. Maybe she could help you? If you did want your powers back.’ Lyra suggested.

‘A witch?’ Loki raised an eyebrow.

‘Yeah. She seemed really nice, rather powerful from what I’d heard from a few others. But they made a deal with her, she protects the village in return for food and somewhere to live without judgement, in peace. She gave me some supplies of food to keep me going.’

‘Hmm. She would want something in return, I suspect.’ Loki trailed his fingers up and down her arm.

‘Might be worth speaking to her.’ Lyra shrugged. ‘But I love you as you are, but I will support whatever you want to do.’

‘Thank you, my love.’ He squeezed her gently.

After letting Lyra rest and get nice and warmed up, Loki made sure she had something to eat too, they then headed back for the village.

Lyra pointed out where she had met the witch.

‘Did you get a name from her?’ Loki asked as they walked over to her cottage that was on the outskirts of the village.

‘I think she said her name was Agatha.’

When they reached the end of the path, said witch came out of her house. She smiled widely at Lyra, then cautiously looked at Loki.

‘Ah, so is this the lover you were trying to find?’ Agatha chuckled.

Lyra nodded. ‘I wanted to thank you again, for helping me out.’

‘You’re very welcome, dear. I get the feeling you are in need of something else, that’s why you’re here?’ She asked knowingly.

Loki and Lyra looked at one another, then back to Agatha.

‘Is there any chance you’d be able to break the curse put upon me? It’s blocking my ability to not only change my form, but stopping me from using my own magic.’ Loki asked, still not completely sure on the witch yet.

Agatha walked down the path towards them, eyeing Loki up carefully. She paused and tapped her lip. ‘Hmm. It’s strong magic, I can sense it… Asgardian royalty?’

‘It’s Odin’s handy work.’ Loki grumbled.

Agatha’s eyes widened slightly. ‘Ah, King of Asgard. That could be a tricky one, but not impossible… Of course, I would need something in return. How powerful are you, since you speak of magic?’

‘I am very powerful.’ Loki growled low. ‘I’m Loki, Prince of Jotunheim. Was Prince of Asgard.’

‘Ohh, it’s you! Now then, that helps me make my mind up.’ Agatha then began circling Loki. ‘As I said, I will need something in return… How about protection, when I need you, I will call?’

Loki shook his head and looked at Lyra, reaching out he took her hand and gave her a gentle squeeze. ‘No. I want to be able to go and live in peace with Lyra. I don’t want anything to do with fighting or schemes again… Maybe there’s something else we can arrange though.’ He paused and looked to the side.

‘Ah, Lyra… See that man over there?’ Loki pointed not too far in the distance.

Lyra nodded.

‘He’s an old friend of Thor’s. Would you mind going and asking him if we can get some supplies for a long journey from him? Tell him I will come speak to him soon.’

‘Sure.’ Lyra nodded, then headed off, leaving Loki and Agatha alone.

Agatha looked at Loki expectantly.

‘I can give you all the information you need to take down Asgard… I get the feeling that’s something that may be of interest to you? I can sense your power, you’re no ordinary witch. I don’t want to know, and don’t care what you’ve done or want to do. But I desperately want a quiet life with my girl, I don’t care about anything else… Though I do request that you don’t harm Frigga.’

Agatha’s eyes lit up completely, she felt like all her birthdays had come at once.

‘Tell me everything.’ She grinned wickedly.

Loki told her of the doorways to other realms, especially the one to Asgard. He explained about when Odin went on hunting trips, taking Thor and the warriors three too. Then how was best to get into the house of Odin and how to take it down from the inside.

Agatha was pleased with all the information. So she kept her side of the bargain.

Lyra had just returned as Agatha was casting a spell, mumbling things that she didn’t understand as dark clouds rolled in over them with thunder booming. There was a purple glow that surrounded Loki, Lyra got worried for a moment when Agatha started hovering up above the ground, and so did Loki.

The glow around Loki slowly began to turn green, then he shrank in size and turned from his Jotun form into his Asgardian form.

Lyra was wide eyed when Agatha’s spell finished, and Loki landed on his feet again. In his royal Asgardian armour. He gasped as he looked down at himself, then he laughed with a big grin, unable to believe that he was finally back in this form again.

And he could feel his power surging through his veins again. Finally.

[enhyupn]

start of it!

pairing: jungwon x fem!read (ft a little sunghoon)

disclaimer: there might be a few mistakes here and there since it’s not fully proof read. swear words are mentioned too!

word count: 7.1k+

genre: fluff, angst if you squint, best friends to lovers!au, rich kids!au, slow burn kinda?

a/n this took a while to write but i like how it came out :) i think i got a little carried away but it’s fine i suppose!! i hope you enjoy this longer than necessary fic :]

jungwon and you were always together, then and now. maybe being the children of two most influential families korea helped that, the constant underlying jealousy between the two families made for some interesting dinners. you two were the stereotypical rich kids, top of the class, class president and extremely involved in school. your image was the type other chaebol families would use to compare their children to. maybe that’s why every time you stand at the top of your class to make announcements, all you get are sneers from your classmates as they not so subtly laugh at you. it was inventible nonetheless, if you were in their situation you’d do exactly the same. it didn’t help that you were strict and blunt with your classmates, staying true to the cold and distant chaebol child stereotype.

jungwon the next class over however, was incredibly popular with the people in his class and even yours. you didn’t know how he did it, balancing his studies, taekwondo and still maintaining a good relationship with his class? you looked up to him immensely, even with your parents constantly reminding you that jungwon wasn’t your friend but a pawn from his family to get information on the company. obviously you never believed them, how could jungwon get information from you when all you talk about normal things. normal things like tv shows, books and his taekowndo matches. you wouldn’t know what to do with jungwon, he was your other half and you’d never be able to function properly without him.

dinner was never comfortable at your house, the silence only being broken up by the clattering of utensils and chewing didn’t even help the gloomy and dark aura your father always seemed to radiate. you were the only child and the heir in training to take over the family company. everyone around you had high expectations for you, being number one in everything you ever did allowed people to believe that you were going to skyrocket your family’s company to the number one spot.

“y/n, how was school” your mother always tried so hard to make conversation with you and your father every day. as much as you wished to be close to her, you couldn’t help but feel forced and awkward whenever you replied to her.

“it was good, we got our ranks today” you slowly chewed on the piece of duck you were served, not having the heart or energy to tell anyone that you never really liked the taste of it.

“i’m assuming it’s first place” your father butts in, the serious look in his face never fails to make you flinch in your seat.

“yes father, first place in my class and in school” you couldn’t help but gulp at the mood of the dinner table.

it was always like this after exam season, tension so tight that it was suffocating to be around. even the maids and butlers around the place hated being around your family every time results were announced, the thought of what would happened if you ever got anything lower than first place was terrifying.

“wonderful” a nod from your father was enough for your maids to stop holding in their breaths.

not even a good job? you had grown to learn that your father wasn’t someone that praised others easily. sadly, you had to learn it the hard way. countless memories from your past of you desperately wanting your father’s attention and praise flashed through your eyes. even so, it still hurt every time he wouldn’t acknowledge your achievements.

the ice rink was your special place, second to jungwon undoubtedly. still, you loved being there. it made you feel so free and happy, like all your worries had disappeared whenever you skated. you weren’t the only one that loved the rink, jungwon adored the moments when you would show off a new move you had finally nailed. the look of you being so carefree made him feel overjoyed, knowing he was the only one that could see you like this.

“jungwon did you see that?” a radiant smile appearing on your face after you landed an axel. the sound of your slightly hitting the rink’s barrier slightly scared you before looking up again at the boy.

“yes, and i’ve also seen the other five times you’ve done it” the pout formed on your face from his teasing only brought a larger smile on his face. jungwon’s face suddenly twisted into a confused look as he suddenly remembered a conversation you two had the previous week. “weren’t you struggling on that last week? i remember you telling me that”.

“oh i was!” the pink tinge from your cheeks due to the cold temperature in the air added to your cheerful chatter. “but sunghoon helped me with it”.

“sunghoon?” the name sending an unsettling feeling throughout jungwon’s body. the boy shook it off when he had made eye contact with you once again, your eyes wide with spirit. it was a shame that your classmates couldn’t see this side of you, the cold and scary y/n unironically melting when on the ice.

“sunghoon’s a really talented figure skater in my class!” the admiration in your voice and eyes churned things in jungwon’s stomach. “his triple axel is the most beautiful thing jungwon, you should really see him in action. he gave me some tips and they really worked!”.

“that’s great” jungwon couldn’t understand why he couldn’t feel as elated as you were. shouldn’t he be happy? his best friend perfectly landed something they were working on for a while and he couldn’t even be sincere with his praise? no, it was that boy sunghoon. that’s what was getting him annoyed and bothered, was it jealousy?

“look there he is!” you showed jungwon. the boy had proportions that were perfect, he towered over you and had undeniably incredible looks. jungwon watched as sunghoon’s eyes shined in delight when noticing you. the boy skated over quickly to you in excitement, anyone could tell that he was over the moon to see you.

the jealous feeling jungwon had in him only grew more watching you two. when sunghoon’s skates accidentally took him at a too fast of a pace, you lightly bumped into you. the countless apologies he spit out while you laughed loud and glowing at his ridiculous accident only made jungwon chew his cheek in spite. the unnecessary skin ship you two made didn’t help too, you were holding onto sunghoon’s shoulders in an attempt to stop him from falling again. that’s when jungwon had enough.

“y/n” he called out, catching the attention of the both of you. you turned around holding the same smile you gave sunghoon.

“jungwon?”

“i’ll get going now, dad wants me back home” a pretend smile placed nicely on his lips for you to not suspect something was wrong with him.

“sure!” the corner of your eyes crinkled, you lifted up your hand to wave him off. he was incredibly thankful that you weren’t observant enough to catch his cheerful facade. “tell him my father wants to have dinner with him again too!”.

“i promise”

standing from his seat he lifted his hand to wave you off. the disappointment in his eyes becoming more visible when he realised that you had already turned around. the dejected frown on his face showing up when he caught a glimpse of the boy beside you, laughing and chatting with you with a wide grin. you too having the exact same grin.

you were always the same at school, a blank face while in class and during after school activities. your parents always told you that school was never the time to make friends or have fun, it was for preparing yourself in the future. they drilled into you that everything you did in school would only add to you in the future. if you were to ever fail or do anything that was the opposite of what you were meant to be doing, you would inevitably ruin your future. the unimaginable amount of pressure your parents had given you slowly turned you from crying silently at night in your room to dealing with it with a blank stare on your face.

the only thing that made everything the slightest bit bearable was jungwon, you met him during breaks and lunch and even walked with him to your after school programmes. the feeling of being isolated by your class could only be ignored when you were with him.

“i don’t get how you do it” you stared at him in admiration. jungwon was practicing his taekwondo as you watched him, it was a routine you had every morning before school started. the boy chuckled as he continues doing his warm up.

“says you, you’re number one in our school plus you skate pretty too. everyone would love to be you”.

“no! that’s different” a growing blush tinted your cheeks, the small compliment makes you shy due to the fact jungwon never compliments you. “i don’t get how you balance taekwondo, your social life and still get good grades? plus have a good relationship with your family”.

“oh” jungwon’s smile faltered at the mention your parents. he always has felt guilty knowing the fact he can’t do anything to help you besides distract you from your parent’s extreme expectations. “i don’t know, maybe i’m just lucky” he tries a joke to keep the mood up.

“so it’s luck?” your laugh giving enough confirmation to jungwon that you weren’t affected by his comment.

your phone ringing distracts you from the conversation you and jungwon were having, even scaring you a little in the process. the bright expression coming from your face made jungwon notice that it definitely wasn’t a call from any of your family members. letting himself breathe again with the positive mood in the air, he decides that he needs to stretch before testing out any moves.

“sunghoon!” suddenly maybe the mood wasn’t so positive for jungwon. you turned to jungwon mouthing it’s sunghoon! happily as he tried to share the same excitement you had. “no i’m not busy”, you looked over at jungwon sending him an apologetic look as you stood up from your seat. “i’ll just be outside jungwon!” you covered the microphone as you told him before quickly walking outside.

what was that about? jealousy was creeping up behind him even if he didn’t notice. he never wanted to feel possessive when it came to you. truthfully, he was waiting for this day. the day that someone saw past your shy personality disguised with a cold and blunt front and saw you. he couldn’t stop the lingering feeling in his stomach, he hated it. but who was he to think about your relationships with other people?

that’s when he remembered the smile on your face when you mentioned him, the glee in your voice and expression when you were around him. you two were even close enough to call each other out of nowhere? maybe that’s when it clicked in jungwon’s head, did you like sunghoon? you were entitled to like anyone you wanted to, it shouldn’t be jungwon’s problem if that person just so happened to be sunghoon.

but why did the thought bother jungwon so much?

from the way you were dressed people would think that you were attending some special dinner with the president. however, your prettily styled hair and your best outfit and shoes seemed to only be reserved for the yang family. there always seemed to be an unwritten rule between the two families that you had to go all out when visiting each other, however you and jungwon just suspected if it was just a way to show off all the newest jewellery and clothes subtly.

there you two were, standing by the side of your parents in the hallways of your house. the size of it was unimaginable, maybe even being the length of an average apartment in a middle class area. the hallways was adorned with expensive paintings and sculptures being used to write off taxes, a large rug that might of costed more than your high school tuition placed right in the middle of it all. it was visible proof that your family was disgustingly rich, just how your parents wanted it to look.

there wasn’t an answer to why the two families stood in the hallways to speak when you had an equally, if not larger living room a door away, the room also being adorned with expensive paintings with a large tv nobody in the house used. jungwon and you always had trouble staying serious while your parents spoke to one another. you two would usually mouth things to each other, not even understanding what was being said. the small grins you two held were enough that if one of you let out a laugh, the two of you would be on the ground laughing your heads off.

“the food’s ready” your cook interrupted your father’s reply to jungwon’s parents. your father sent him a small grin and a nod as he signalled everyone with a extended arm to the dining room.

the dining room gave a view to the kitchen, it was like a performance for everyone in the kitchen whenever you had guests over. your favourite activity to not bore yourself besides talking to jungwon, was watching your cook plate everything while your parents conversed about business or what type of wine they were having that night.

“steak again” jungwon joked quietly at your side. you two always sat beside each other, while the parents talked the whole night you two would try and not cause a huge mess. it usually ended up a mess, remembering the time you two dropped roast potatoes all over the ground in an attempt to entertain to each other. now when you two are finished eating you are excused to go back to your room where you two can actually talk.

“be thankful it isn’t salmon” you giggled quietly. the memory of jungwon’s parents scolding him at the dinner table for not eating his salmon reappears back into your heads, the thought of it making you laugh a little louder than you were. “sorry” you politely said, noticing the silent glare your father had sent you for making a ruckus at the dinner table.

“i would of answered properly if you weren’t laughing silently about it in the corner of my eye” the main reason why the memory was so funny for the two of you was the fact that the reason he was scolded was due to the fact he couldn’t even attempt to pick up the piece of fish without you two laughing. you two were incredibly easy to make laugh as there is nothing more entertaining than your best friend doing absolutely nothing.

in the corner of your eye you noticed your father staring at you and jungwon, while at the same time participating in the conversation the adults were having. it was unsettling, knowing that in the next five or so minutes he’d ask you a question regarding anything to seem like his family is better than anything the yangs do.

“y/n” an automatic faux smile was placed on your lips when you heard his voice. placing down your cutlery before turning to him you captured the sickly sweet smile on your parents smiles, a sign they were trying to milk your achievements out one by one.

“yes father” the pitch in your voice going a little higher than what jungwon usually hears, but was used to it due to the many times he’s heard you talk to your parents.

“we were just talking about the fact that you’re starting out figure skating!” the tone in your fathers sudden cheery voice was so obviously fake to you, he never liked the fact you took precious time off to practice figure skating rather than studying to get into a seoul university.

“i am” you turned to the yang parents with the innocent well put child facade. “i started six months ago, my trainer told me that i was improving at a great speed!”.

“how beautiful” jungwon’s mom commented, “i’m sure jungwon’s watched you skate before, right sweetheart?”.

“they’re very graceful on the ice mom” the flattery turned your cheeks a soft rose colour. you turned to him to give a thankful smile, not noticing the growing red on the boy’s ears.

you turned around to glance back once again at your father, the look of his smug grin made you want to get up and leave. you hated feeling like just a trophy to show off to others, you longed for the feeling of being praised for the person you were.

“i’m sure jungwon’s doing excellent in school” your mother continued, looks like they’re about to hit them where it hurts.

“not as well as your daughter i’m afraid” a bitter smile was obviously placed on his father’s face, teeth gritting as he let it out. “jungwon’s told us quite a lot about y/n’s rank in school, number one right? a terrific achievement”.

“yes, it’s a shame that jungwon can’t seem to reach the same” jungwon’s mother continued. your father took a sip from his glass of wine. what was it and using your children as weapons to bring down one another? in the corner of your eye you could tell jungwon didn’t feel comfortable with any of this at all, he stiffened his body as you chewed slowly on his steak.

“he’ll get there some day” your mother was simply just adding fuel to the fire, it made you feel terrible for your best friend. you looked over to see the boy’s blank stare, the small frown on his face made it seem that it was almost begging you to go comfort him.

“can jungwon and i be excused?” you knew that you two needed to get out of there immediately, you weren’t going to let your parents excuse any of this. “i feel a bit queasy from the steak, jungwon can keep me company”.

“do what you wish dear” your father let out quite bitterly. you bowed in response before standing up, placing your hand on jungwon’s hand. you shook it a little as a way to signal him that you two were about to leave.

the oh he let out was all you needed to know that jungwon was going to follow you up to your room. you watched as he bowed for everyone in the room, before silently following you as you gripped onto his hand. the mood you two were letting out was unreadable, was he thankful for you? or was he completely and utterly embarrassed at the fact you did that.

“thank you” he whispered behind you, the warmth in his hand was all you needed to feel the comfort you were longing for at the dinner table.

“don’t sweat it jungwon” a smile forming on your face as you turned towards him. “it was suffocating being in there anyways”. he laughed to himself, understanding what you were saying as you dragged him forwards once you reached your room.

your room was unnecessary big, like every other room in your house. your bed was double the size you actually needed and you had a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. your ceiling also had hand painted flowers decorating it, simply adding to the beautiful chandelier. there wasn’t any expensive paintings or rugs in your room however, just a large vanity as well as a desk and a huge bookshelf with every book imaginable. you also had framed pictures of you and jungwon as children dotted around your room.

“look” jungwon picked up a picture of you two when you were in first grade. you were crying while jungwon was right beside you laughing, beneath you two was a broken sandcastle who you could distinctly tell who it belonged to. “i was so evil as a kid”.

“tell me about it” you looked at the picture in admiration. “i swore to myself that day i would hate you for a million million trillion hundred years” a chuckle left your mouth at the loving memory. memories with jungwon always left you happy, even the ones that weren’t as nice to experience firsthand.

“and this one” he picked up another picture. this time it was you and him maybe around three years ago at your family’s lake house. “you ignored me for the rest of the trip after i did this”. the two of you were on the balcony as he lifted you from the legs up, the scared look in your eyes made it obvious that the whole thing was a surprise. you were fond of that memory, you realised something that day about jungwon you never realised before. the thought of dating your best friend popped up in your head for the first time when that picture was taken. the thought horrified you so much that you ignored him for days on end after, making up the excuse that you were mad at him for scaring you that.

“look at my face oh god” the pink tint coming back to your cheeks remembering the story behind that picture. “that day i started—”. you shut yourself up quicker than expected.

“started what?” jungwon looked at you confused. you start curse yourself in your head for your mistake.

never in your many years of friendship could of prepared you for this. the you three years ago was exactly the same, except the fact that three years ago you found out you had feelings for jungwon and now you were about to accidentally spill the beans about those exact same feelings.

“it’s nothing” you shook your head dismissively . trying to distract yourself, you looked at the corner of your eye and noticed a picture of you two at your middle school graduation. your features softened at the happy grins on your faces, both holding a pretty bouquet of flowers the two of you gave each other. “i love this day so much, look we’re so happy”.

“our graduation?” jungwon moved closer to you to get a good look of the photo. “we look so cute”.

turning around to jungwon with a grin of being reminded of the special, you stopped abruptly. noticing how close he was you stepped back quickly, in a quite panicked manner. his eyes widened noticing your frantic moves, unsure why his stomach was churning at your panicked face.

“sorry” you play with the hem of your sleeve, embarrassed at the fact you were so close to him. you feel you face heating up and you weren’t so sure if you were blushing at the fact his face was almost touching yours or embarrassed by the way you staggered away from him. “you were really close to me”.

“sorry did it make you uncomfortable?” jungwon asked you with a concern expression on his face. you couldn’t tell him the reason you were so panicked was because your crush was so close to you. “i’ll be more careful next time”.

“no! you’re fine” a reassuring smile spread across your face in an attempt to calm him down.

the awkwardness following that incident was undeniable. you sat on your bed unsure what to say to make conversation with him, the problem was that you two usually had a lot to say. the situation right now was not how the two of you usually acted, the voices in your head silently yelling at you for being dramatic at the fact jungwon was so close to you.

jungwon on the other hand couldn’t stop replaying the image of you being so close to him. an unfamiliar feeling kept reappearing in his stomach, he’s never looked at you in this way ever. maybe the feeling sunghoon gave him was similar but at the same, it was far different.

“i don’t think— be careful” in rich kids fashion, jungwon was playing tennis with his equally as rich friend ni-ki, a transfer student in his class studying in korea until he graduates from a seoul university. a big emphasis on seoul due to the fact every rich child in korea have parents almost begging them to get into a seoul university or an ivy league.

the ball accidentally almost hitting jungwon rolls behind the boy, he could feel the exhaustion finally catching up on him from the non-stop moving he had done. he holds a hand up with a drained expression signalling his friend that he was done for maybe another thirty minutes or so.

“as i was saying...” ni-ki walked towards the tired boy holding out a water bottle. he quickly grabbed the drink from him before taking a large gulp, wiping off the excess water from the sides of his mouth. “hey! don’t drink all of that”.

“sorry” an exasperated gasp escaped jungwon’s mouth as he tried to catch up with his breathing. “carry on”.

“i don’t think you have the right to be jealous on who y/n likes” ni-ki takes a sip from the water bottle he took back. “isn’t kinda weird too? that you’re jealous about all of this”.

“i’m not jealous” he corrected him. “i don’t know, that sunghoon guy gives me a bad feeling”.

“that’s definitely jealousy” ni-ki let out a laugh looking at him. jungwon sent him a scowl before taking back the bottle from him. “anyways i thought you always had a thing for them” he starts to say as jungwon takes yet another sip, the boy looks at him in a confused way before pulling the bottle away from his lips.

“what are you trying to say ni-ki?”

“what i’m saying is that you can never go a day without mentioning y/n” he raised his eyebrow to try and convince him further. “plus you look at them with hearts in your eyes, and the fact you’re so bummed out about this sunghoon thing just confirms my suspicions”.

“i’m not following” jungwon looks back at ni-ki with a blank stare. the younger rolls his eyes before lightly hitting him on the shoulder. “no, seriously”. the boy sent him a glare before sighing.

“are you genuinely this oblivious or you just don’t want to tell me you like y/n?”.

“what do you mean like?” the word like seemed so unfamiliar to him at that moment. of course he liked you, you were his best friend. although from how ni-ki was speaking, he understood that he wasn’t talking about the best friend sort of like.

“you romantically like them” ni-ki said it casually, “here, i’ll ask you a question and you, silently, in your mind answer it. i want you to do it silently so you can have a realisation of some sort”.

“what do we need questions for—” he was quickly shut off by ni-ki’s shhhh as he continued his conversation. rolling his eyes at his friends antics, he quickly shuts up before listening to what he was trying to say.

“do you think about y/n when they aren’t around?”

yes? isn’t this normal though

“do you miss them when you aren’t with them?”

yes? again, isn’t this a normal thing?

“do you get happy when they achieve things? like you want to hug them or like... that thing people do why they lift someone up and spin them around”

yes?

“do you get jealous when other people get more attention than you?”

yes...?

“when you see them do you get butterflies?”

sometimes, i do definitely get nervous though

“i feel like all of those should more or less answer your question on if you like y/n or not” ni-ki finished off his short quiz. jungwon gave him a puzzled look, he thought everything he had mentioned was a normal thing that every feels with their best friend.

“aren’t these just normal things?”

“i mean they’re just the basics jungwon” he started out saying, “everyone’s different when they have a crush”.

“so that could mean i have a crush on you?” the joking smile placed on jungwon’s lips only made ni-ki roll his eyes at the corny joke.

“i’m flattered honestly but i’m sadly not y/n”

the sunset was a pretty shade of pink and orange, it made you feel light and at a sense of peace watching it. the thought of taking a picture suddenly appeared in your head, quickly reaching for your phone in a frantic action before the sky changes in colour. you felt embarrassed at the fact you were standing at the end of the sidewalk patting the sides of your coat in an attempt to find your phone, a confused expression spread across your face.

“aha!” you felt a familiar shape in the back pocket of your jeans. lifting up the object, you felt it slipping slightly. your eyes widened noticing a small thud behind you on the ground. turning around to reach your phone in hopes it wasn’t broken in any way, you noticed a familiar figure hovering above you holding out your phone in his hands.

“you dropped this” a playful tone rolled off sunghoon’s tongue. you happily take it off his hands before looking back up at him.

“sunghoon!” you beamed gleefully at him, “i thought you went home already?”.

“no” he rubbed the back of his neck, “i missed my bus so i had to wait here for a while. turns out there was an accident twenty minutes away so everything’s delayed”.

“oh no” you frowned at his words. your brain scanned through all the possibilities you could do to help the boy, your eyes lit up having the realisation on the perfect solution. “do you wanna walk with me? where do you live? i can just tell my friend that he doesn’t need to pick me up”.

“no no it’s fine y/n” sunghoon waves his hands dismissively. “you don’t have to do that, plus i bet you’d rather walk with your friend”.

“don’t be silly” you chuckle as you unlocked your phone, pressing jungwon’s contact you typed in many apologies telling him that you can’t walk with him since you’re walking with sunghoon. “i already told him”. your phone lights up again, a notification showing a reply from jungwon saying a simple okay.

“he doesn’t seem very happy” sunghoon stares at the notification. he looks back at you with seriousness in his eyes, “isn’t this the jungwon you and i were talking about?”.

“well yeah” you avoided eye contact with him, embarrassed that you were probably about to get scolded. not only does sunghoon help you with training but he also helps you in your love life. you two have probably talked more about jungwon than actual figure skating, sunghoon always sighing at you for once again not being able to tell him your feelings. “he’s been like that ever since last week, i thought this was normal. don’t boys also have puberty mood swings?”.

“what happened last week?” you two started to walk towards your destinations. sunghoon luckily lived quite near your house, well if you count just twenty minutes away from the gate of your gated community. you two have walked home together before, the action usually having a romantic undertone but you two never felt that way. you always have seen sunghoon as a friend, understanding that he’s never really given you the same feeling jungwon does. it goes the same for him, he sees you more as a younger sibling than anything.

“well, he started acting a little weird when you called me that morning”

“the morning i asked you how you and jungwon were doing?” sunghoon raises an eyebrow.

“yeah” you nod, confirming his guess. you let out a sigh before moving on to your next point, “and you know when i told you about that thing that happened when his face was really close to mine?”.

“the one where it was really awkward?”

“you didn’t need to mention it was awkward” you shiver in embarrassment remembering that night. “and yeah, after that he wasn’t really the same. plus do you know the weirdest part?”.

“what happened” sunghoon chuckled at your embarrassed pout silently to himself. you turned to him with your eyes wide and hands in the air about to animate your following words.

“his friend messaged me, his friend! the transfer student nishimura riki” your nose scrunched in confusion and frustration. your arms too also expressing your frustration. “his message was so weird too!”.

“what did it say?”

“i know who likes you” your frustrated expression was even more prominent. “it was so childish! i even replied with a question mark and he just sent me a sticker of a cartoon animal giggling!”.

“maybe he does know who likes you” sunghoon raises an eyebrow.

“he wouldn’t, nobody likes me” you frown at your own words. “he’s probably just messing with me like everyone else at school”. sunghoon stops in his tracks when he realised your miserable mood.

“hey—” sunghoon bent down a little to get a look at your face. “what’s wrong?”.

“it’s— it’s silly” you wipe your tears away. you weren’t expecting yourself to cry on an evening like this, especially not on the day you were walking home with sunghoon on.

“no y/n it’s okay” sunghoon looked around the area to see if there was anywhere to sit down at. noticing a bench near the two of you, he held onto your wrist bringing you to sit on it. “you can tell me anything y/n, i hope you know this”.

“i know” you sniffled, sadly smiling at the situation at that moment. “it’s just that i’m so tired of everything. jungwon acting weird with me was just the tip of the iceberg. i can’t help but think if i did anything to make him act like this”. sunghoon listened in silence, nodding at your words as he watched you in pity while tears streamed down your face.

“the fact that my classmates still ostracise me even though i try so hard to get to know them hurts so much. even though my parents tell me school isn’t for making friends, i desperately want to. i mean jungwon was there to help but like what i said before, he’s being really distant” the pace of your tears slowing down. “plus what his friend said didn’t help, it just felt like i was just the pit of a joke i wasn’t even aware of”.

“y/n i don’t know if i should say this but i think jungwon really—”

“y/n?” a familiar voice cut off sunghoon’s words. “are you okay? why are you crying?” you look behind sunghoon and realised it was jungwon saying all those things. you watched as his concerned expression warped into a furious one, his focus on sunghoon’s hand still on your wrist. you felt your eyes widen as you quickly shook off his grasp, standing up from the bench as you wipe the excess tears on your face.

“what did he do to you?” his words directed at you but his glaring eyes didn’t leave sunghoon. the realisation that jungwon misunderstood the whole situation dawned over you. taking a step forward you tried to open your mouth in an attempt to calm him down, only to be stopped by sunghoon who had his arm extended out, blocking your path to jungwon.

“i didn’t do anything” sunghoon explained calmly. he turned to you before looking back at the enraged boy. “i understand why would think that but honestly, it’s you two who need to have a talk, a long talk” he chuckles silently to himself before standing up.

“i wasn’t done talking to you—”

sunghoon gave him a smile before patting his shoulder, “just listen to what they have to say”. you watched as he waved you two off as made his way home. you stared at sunghoon’s walking figure in shock, not sure if you were entirely thankful he left you with an angry jungwon.

“did he do something to you y/n?” he made his way to you in a panic, his eyes scanning you to see if there was anything wrong with you. “i swear to god, i knew there was something wrong with him” he tried to look at your face, your head facing the ground blocking his view. “hey, look at me” his voice softening as he tried once again to get your attention.

“i’m sorry” tears welled up in your eyes again as you made eye contact with him. you couldn’t understand why you were crying, maybe it was all the emotions building up to this moment. even so, you were incredibly happy that jungwon was so concerned and even came to look for you. “sunghoon didn’t do anything, i was just venting to him”.

“y/n... did something happen?” his worried eyes looking hard into yours.

you played with you fingers as you tried to think hard on what to say next, is this the right time? i mean, in all honesty you had nothing to lose. in fact it was the perfect moment to confess your feelings, well after you explain everything to him.

“no” you sniffled, wiping away more tears you turned to him with a small smile. “let’s get home, shall we?”. he looked at you with bothered feeling, noticing it you frowned. “maybe i should tell you” you quietly let out, a silent chuckle following it.

“please tell me why you were crying y/n” his soft voice had hints of distressed tones in it, he was so visibly concerned about you. it’s possible that’s when you were reminded why you love jungwon, he cared about you so much that it felt like he could do anything for you. you gulp before opening your mouth, instantly closing it when words couldn’t come out. “hey... y/n?”.

“i can’t explain” that’s when you opted out of telling him how you felt. you thought that he already cared about you as a best friend, if he didn’t like you back. it was break down everything you had. you sigh before facing him once again. “we should really get going—”

“when— when you sent me that message, telling me you didn’t need me to walk you home because of sunghoon, it made me so upset and mad” he laughed to himself, the stutter in his words making him realise how nervous he was. you jump a little in shock when you realised his hand found its way to yours. the warmth of it soothed you, a pink tinge finding its way to your cheeks, an occurrence that always seems to happen whenever you were with jungwon.

“i stayed home sulking about it, messaged ni-ki about it and he was so mad at me” his eyes looked sincere, the pink tinge suddenly growing into a red one. “he told me if i didn’t, and i quote, get my ass there and walk you myself, he’d tackle me onto the ground”.

“i don’t get why you’re telling me this—”

“so i did” he continued, not stopping to explain anything to you but his own story. “i got up from bed and started travelling on the street you usually walked home on. i don’t know what i was expecting, but seeing you cry on that bench with that sunghoon guy beside you made me incredibly upset. i thought he did something to you! i can tell that i misread that completely”.

“jungwon” you speak up. you had no idea why he was reciting any of this, what was this even leading up to? a grin lights up on his face, the feeling his hand squeeze yours lovingly confusing you even more. “please tell me what your telling me-”

“i like you y/n” a sudden serious tone appearing. “not even like, i’m probably in love with you”. the shocked look on your face made him laugh endearingly, he pulled your hand lightly to bring you closer to him. “i mean it, honestly. it took three days of me thinking about what ni-ki had told me to even realise it”.

“so he wasn’t lying” you let out, still not recovering from the shock. you slowly move your head up to catch a glimpse of jungwon’s face, who quite literally snapped you back into reality. “wait, you like me really?”.

“yes!” he laughed as he pulled you into a hug, sending butterflies to your stomach. “why? do you not like me back?”.

“no!” you look at him in surprise. “wait! i do like you, it might be love too. i figured it out three years ago, when we were at my lake house”.

“three years ago?” the surprised look on his face slowly morphed into an endeared one once he caught you looking up at him with a cheesy smile. “you win with that one i guess”. the smiles on you both of your faces didn’t seem to falter while looking into each other’s eyes, the warm-cold breeze and the lightly tinted pink on both your cheeks adding to the scene.

“are we dating now?” he jokes as he takes out leaf from your hair.

“when did that get there” you place your hand on the spot the leaf was on. laughing it off, you look back up at him. the feeling of you in his arms still made your stomach flip, in a good way of course. “and yes, i suppose so?”.

“so now i can tell my parents i’m dating the smartest person in the country, as well as the prettiest?” he squeezes you tighter in a loving hug.

“so you’re just with me for my brains and looks?” sarcasm dripping from your words as you let out a loud laugh. “i’m kidding jungwon, yes you can tell them if you want to”.

“what are you gonna tell your parents?” a curious grin placed on his face.

“i’m dating my three year long crush”.

“as if they’d believe i’d be their precious child’s crush” he laughed as he loosened the grip on you. holding out his hand, you realised quickly that he wants you to hold it. “let’s get you back home before your parents send the police to look for you”.

“sure” you take his hand as you two walked down the street. both your sides looking as if you two were glued together from how the space was closed between the two of you, leaving no gap in between.

you always dreamt about your high school love story, even with your hectic schedule crushing you down everyday.

what you never expected was that your best friend was the start of it all.

[bitimdrake]

Interesting discussion I would add that each kid suffered from and was affected differently by neglect which is a complex type of abuse which can be emotional and physical. Take Jason, he may have had the best parent form of Bruce but as robin he seemed to suffer the most from Bruce's emotional distance. He was obviously suffering a mental crisis when he was benched and ran away Even before then there were clear signs he was traumatized (I suspect CPTSD from his childhood).p1

But even though Bruce knew something was wrong he still put the mission first and went after Joker. He also never actually engaged with Jason about his trauma. He took actions like removing him from Robin to give the boy physical distance from triggering cases and events like the diplomat's son case or the abusive pimps. But neglected the mental/emotional part if healing and just let the boy wander around and runaway. p3

Compare this to Cass who he also kept at an emotional arms length but for her this was actually helpful as it gave her the space to feel safe and find herself after her childhood of constant control and monitoring by Kane. In Cass' story unlike Jason's the possibility of having the child talk to a therapist is brought up and Bruce notes that Cass' situation is so unique this could unfortunately cause more harm than good and it might be better to let Cass engage with them on her own terms. p3

I think I'm with you on Jason, but largely disagree about Cass, so obviously I'm going to ramble about both for hundreds of words here--

jason

Not sure if you mean to say that Jason suffered from Bruce's emotional distance more than any other facet of Bruce's parenting, or that Jason suffered from it the most of all the kids--agree with the former, disagree with the latter (in that I would not classify any of the kids as suffering the most; they all just suffered).

I say Robin!Jason had some of the best Bruce parenting on an overall vibe--his era tends to be lighter and softer, Bruce hadn't really solidified as a grumpy distant emotionless man yet imo, and he's the only adoptive kid who as far as I recall was still always and consistently treated as Bruce's son.

However! That doesn't mean Bruce was a flawless parent to Robin!Jason either, and a lot (but not all) of those flaws are grouped together right at the end: the outright suspicion and judgment he has for Jason after the Garzonas case, the complete prioritization of the Joker case over his missing son in DitF (wtf Bruce), and the acknowledgement that he hasn't been addressing Jason's pre-existing trauma--in that era, mostly meaning his mother's death--as well as he should have.

imo the last is the most forgivable on Bruce's part, because it's clear he's been...trying at least? It's clear he cares about Jason, and pre-Garzonas he's been emotionally open with Jason (though doesn't directly address Jason's issues), and when he realizes Jason has been struggling with old traumas more than he realized, he regrets how he handled it and intends to change. (Though...obviously does not get a chance.) It reads to me as Bruce genuinely thinking not bringing it up and giving him other outlets is best for Jason--but still recognizing when that tactic is wrong and regretting it.

ymmv, but to me, that feels in direct contrast with points later on where Bruce leaves, say, Dick or Cass to their own trauma, but now has the vibe that he expects them to Handle It and refuses to have any doubt in himself. Idk, but I feel like he was actually putting in the effort and trying with Jason, however flawed.

Of course, that aspect being arguably more understandable on Bruce's part doesn't make it any less hard for Jason. (Or negate his other failures.) And before all the "Jason was just inherently bad" retcons, that lack of emotional support is exactly his struggle! The narrative doesn't point fingers about it, but DitF and comics just after it are trying to show that, though Jason got well-meaning support from people who loved him (Alfred, and mostly Bruce), he ultimately needed more than what he had.

(Though there is a wild heteronormative angle to a lot of it that strongly pushes the idea what Jason really needed was "a mother." A child therapist probably would be the better bet, but honestly I imagine the lack of that owes a lot to the era, not just the characters. Esp because therapy seemingly is brought up once we reach the modern era:)

Way later, when Jason is being Murder Batman in Battle for the Cowl and getting the villain treatment, some aspect of the old "Jason needed more support" message (vs "Jason is just bad") carries through. Bruce admits in his posthumous message to Jason that he shouldn't have tried to handle Jason's trauma on his own--and mostly via a crime fighting outlet--but should have helped him find proper healing (and tries to recommend him a doctor). Which like. Yeah! For once Bruce is pretty spot on in his parenting flaws! Now if only he didn't say it in the worst most insulting way possible!

cass

On the flip side, I actually think the emotional distance was really bad for Cass as well. While her childhood involved constant monitoring and control, by the time she meets Bruce, she's been surviving on her own for more than half her life.

Cass didn't need to be watched and controlled, but she was lonely and she did need consistent emotional support. Barbara gives her some of that--leading to Cass eventually saying she is like a mother--but Bruce leans towards a more 'commanding officer' treatment and it's...bad for her. It's not good! Bruce refusing to be emotionally open with Cass or give her space to do the same is a bad thing! She needs support far more than she needs space!

(Side note, I've been talking a lot about Bruce, so I've been criticizing Bruce's treatment of Cass a lot recently. But I wanna be clear that Batgirl shows that Barbara--Bruce's foil in Cass's narrative--is also flawed in her treatment of Cass. Bruce understands Cass in a lot of ways, but only wants her to be Batgirl. And Barbara is the opposite, recognizing that she needs a life and emotional support, but sometimes failing to understand how important being Batgirl is to Cass, or trying to push her into normative experiences she doesn't want. They are the two extremes Cass is torn between. That's the point. Anyway, back to Bruce.)

And when Bruce and Cass get in their big soul-drugged-fueled fight, emotional distance is imo a lot of the issue that Cass calls him out for. Not talking to her and just fighting it out and keeping her at arm's length, all under the excuse of 'speaking in her language' are..bad things that hurt her.

tldr: care about your kids' emotions more. didn't think i had to spell that one out for you, bruceman.

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~chapter nine rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Synopsis: you are Peters greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Series Masterlist

You were quiet in the cab ride home. Peter was talking a mile a minute and all you gave him were small smiles and fake laughs every now and then so he wouldn’t suspect anything was wrong. He was too happy about how well the evening had gone to notice.

“Do you want to come back to my apartment? You can sleep over if you want.” Peter asked with a shy smile when you got to your floor. You didn’t want to lie in bed all night with Peter when you were literally lying to Peter, so you faked a yawn and stretched a little.

“Not tonight, babe. I’m a little tired.” You lied. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay Pete?”

Peter looked a little disappointed but you knew he understood.

“Okay, darling. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He went to kiss your lips but you turned so he only got your cheek. You pretended not to see the confusion and hurt in Peters eyes at your actions. You went into your apartment and went out the window immediately, needing to blow off some steam as Venom.

It didn’t take long to find crime, or for crime to find you. You soon heard the shrill cries of a panicked woman.

“Someone help me! He’s got my son!” She screamed. You immediately morphed into Venom and followed the sound of her voice. You climbed to the top of a tall building and scanned the city. Your eyes landed on a man running away with a small child struggling in his grasp. You jumped from the building and ran after the man at full speed. You caught up to him easily and blocked his path. You shot a web at the child and yanked him out of the mans grasp. At that moment, Spider-Man jumped down from the sky and landed between you and the man.

“Hold this.” You demanded and handed the child to Spider-Man. Spider-Man took the child and looked at you, the eyes on his mask squinting in confusion.

“What are you gonna do?” He asked as he bounced the child on his hip.

“Eat.” Venom said simply before bolting after the kidnapper who had took off running.

“Find the mom and get him to safety.” Venom called back to Spider-Man.

When you tracked the man down, you snatched the man up and suspended him in the air. Venom quickly swallowed him whole and fled the scene.

You found the mother just in time to see Spider-Man reuniting her with her child.

“Here you go ma’am.” He said kindly. The mother took her child and smiled at him gratefully.

“Thank you Spider-Man. I don’t know how you do it. You’re a hero.” The mom praised. Spider-Man laughed softly.

“I do my best. Stay safe.” Spider-Man waved kindly. The mother thanked him again and left with her son. Spider-Man turned to walk away as well but you stopped him.

“What the hell was that?” You roared. “You just took all the credit for saving that kid. You didn’t even do anything. We saved the kid, we killed the man, you were just the delivery boy. Why didn’t you tell the mom that we helped?” Spider-Man looked as taken aback as a man in a mask could look. Granted, your Y/n was showing. You were speaking in your Venom voice but it was really you talking, and Spider-Man seemed to notice the difference.

“Oh. I’m-I’m sorry. It’s just, you’re kinda scary and the kid was already super freaked out. I didn’t want to make it worse by him seeing you.” Spider-Man answered. He didn’t mean to offend you but his words hurt.

“We’re not scary. We saved that boy.” You said in defense.

“Yeah but, you’re honestly terrifying man.” Spider man laughed awkwardly. “Even I’m scared. A little kid wouldn’t want to see a hideous monster right after nearly being kidnapped. No offense.”

It almost seemed like he was trying to compliment you. Venom was much more hurt by his words than you were. At the end of the day, you could look like a regular person while Venom was stuck looking like a “hideous monster.”

“Don’t talk about her like that.” You shouted in your own voice. Spider-Man looked around for who the new voice came from. 

“Did that come from you?” He asked.

“It came from us.” You said, back to the low Venom growl.

“See it’s things like that that make you terrifying.” Spiderman continued. “That kid would’ve wet his pants if he saw you. I’m a nice, friendly face that people can trust. Really, no offense dude, but no one wants to see your face.”

You took a menacing step towards him and roared. He backed up instantly and held up his arms in defense.

“Woah woah woah please don’t put your eggs in me!” He shrieked. “I’m just stating the facts. You will never be a hero, if that what’s you’re going for. New York isn’t going to feel safe with a monster like you on the streets. If I told that mom that you were the one to save her kid, she would’ve ran straight to the cops. It might be better if you just went back to the planet you came from.”

He was trying something new. He knew he couldn’t physically beat Venom in a fight, so he tried using his words instead. His girlfriend was so good with words and he wanted to make her proud. All he knew was, he needed Venom out of the city.

“You’re wrong. We’re not a monster.” Venom growled. You just stayed silent.

“Fine. Monster. Alien. Whatever you want to be called, it doesn’t matter.” Spiderman waved his hand. “Because all anyone will call you is dangerous, scary, and a threat. You’re better off leaving earth and never coming back.”

“We’re not leaving.” Venom snarled.

“What’s with the we? Who else is in there?” Spider-Man asked. He reached out to touch you and you threw him against a building.

“Don’t touch us. Our host is in here.” Venom growled. Spider-Man tilted his head.

“Host? So you’re like a parasite?” He asked innocently. Innocent or not, it was the wrong question to ask. Venom picked Spider-Man up by his neck again and dangled him in the air. Spider-Man kicked his legs and tried to break free but couldn’t.

“First, you take credit for our work, then you insult us, and now you call us a parasite? We are not a parasite. We are Venom. And you are dead.” Venom sneered. Venom was too angry to listen to what Mr. Stark said about not eating Spider-Man. He had pushed you too far.

Venom ripped Spider-Mans mask off, wanting to see his identity before you killed him. To your devastating surprise, your terrified boyfriends face stared back at you. He had a bloody nose from being thrown against the wall and his face was red from lack of oxygen. He whispered pleas for mercy as his eyes begged you to let him go. You gasped and immediately dropped Peter onto the ground, looking around frantically for what to do next. He coughed and sputtered for a while while he rubbed his aching neck.

When he looked up, Venom was handing him his mask back with an apologetic look on your big white eyes. Peter shakily took the mask and nodded in thanks. You nodded back and ran as fast as you could back to your apartment. You climbed into your window, transformed back into yourself, and went to throw up in the bathroom.

Peter was Spider-Man. Peter was Spider-Man. And you were Venom. How could it be? How could fate be so cruel? And yet, it made perfect sense. He fit the description. College student from New York who traveled to Washington D.C. at the time of the elevator incident. It explained everything, from the first aid kit on Peters desk, to the constant phone calls, to Ned asking if you knew about Peter, and of course, Mr. Stark. The Stark Internship was being Spider-Man. You should’ve known. The signs were all there. But a part of you just wanted something good for once. Something that the rest of the world couldn’t touch. That something had been Peter. And now, you had to give him up.

You ignored Peters calls and texts for the next six days. You gave him a lame excuse about needed to stay focused on your Cletus Kasady article and so you couldn’t be on your phone. You had a week to tell him you were Venom, according to Mr. Stark. That week was almost up and you had spent it successfully avoiding Peter. You stayed in your apartment as often as you could and only left out the window when you had to go somewhere. Peters texts increasingly got harder and harder to ignore. You didn’t want to ignore his sweet good morning and goodnight texts or science puns, but you couldn’t face him. You just wanted to shake him and ask him why he kept something so big a secret from you. But alas, you said nothing.

On the sixth day of avoiding Peter, you knew you had to go out. You didn’t want to use the front door but you desperately needed to check your mail and it was pouring rain outside. You peered out your peephole and saw no signs of Peter. You quickly opened your door and didn’t even make it two steps before you heard the sound of Peters door opening. Running would be a bad option, right? You slowly turned around and gave Peter and awkward smile. He didn’t smile back.

“You’re avoiding me.” He stated. His voice wasn’t it’s usually happy tone. He sounded hurt and confused. You knew he had every reason to be, but you were hurt and confused too.

“I’m not. I told you I had to write my article.” You lied through your teeth. He didn’t buy it.

“Bullshit.” He scoffed. “I know you haven’t had your final interview with him. It’s in two days, right? How could you be finishing your article when you’re not even done with the interviews?”

You gulped. He saw right through your lies.

“Are you mad at me?” His tone changed as his voice weakened. “Did I do something wrong?”

Your heart broke. You wanted to hug him and tell him he didn’t do anything wrong, but you couldn’t. He’d been lying to you as long as you knew him. You couldn’t just forgive him and pretend you didn’t know he was Spider-Man.

“No.” You said quietly, suddenly taking extreme interest in your shoes. “No, Petey, I’m not mad.”

“Then why won’t you talk to me?” His voice cracked and your heart cracked with it. You looked down and shook your head, wishing you had an answer to give him. You looked around before stepping forward and pulling him into a tearful kiss. You let in longer in case it was the last kiss you ever shared with him He kissed you back but you felt his hesitation. His guard was up and you knew why.

“I’m sorry.” You breathed once you pulled away. “I can’t explain. I have to go, Peter. I’m sorry.”

You hated yourself for saying it, he deserved so much better. Peter looked like he was about to cry, confusion clouding his brown eyes. You turned away from him, unable to watch his heart breaking in front of you.

“Is this it?” His voice was quiet. “Are we over?”

“I think we are.” You said without turning around.

“Why the hell did you say that?” You thought. It’s not what you meant. You looked at Peter over your shoulder in time to see a tear run down his cheek. You went to turn back around but Peter grabbed your hand suddenly and pulled you towards the stairs. You didn’t resist and let him tug you, feeling like you owed him as much. You find it slightly ironic know that you knew why he was so strong.

Peter pulled you all the way to the roof, back to the very spot you once referred to as “ours.” He let go of your hand and pointed to the ledge, looking at you with weary eyes.

“Tell me it was all fake. Tell me it was all in my head and we weren’t happy together on that ledge. Tell me I made it all up and you were never as into me as I was into you. Tell me our first kiss, our first time, our first conversation meant nothing to you. Tell me you hate me and feel nothing for me.” He shouted before quieting down. “Because unless you tell me that, I won’t let you end this without giving me a reason. I won’t let you just walk away. Please, don’t end what we have just because you’re scared. You don’t have to be afraid. Not of me.”

“I know.” You whispered. “But you should be afraid of me. In fact, you already are.”

“What?” Peter furrowed his eyebrows. “Afraid—what?”

“I’m not afraid of you, Peter. Or of this. Of us. That’s not it.” You told him truthfully. “I’m afraid of what will happen when you find out I’m not who you think I am. I’m far worse.”

“What are you talking about? I do know you.” He insisted.

“You don’t.” You shook your head as tears fell from your eyes. “You do but you don’t.”

“Then who are you?”

“I’m a monster. We-“ you were cut off by the sounds of people screaming from the street below. Peter looked at you before running to the edge to peer down.

“Something’s attacking the city.” He called back to you. “It looks like a red version of Venom.”

“A red symbiote?” ,you thought, “how can that be?”

Peter turned and looked at you, not wanting to pull out his Spider-Man suit in front of you. Of course, he didn’t know that you were already well aware of his secret.

With the city under attack, your fight with Peter was going to wait. You wiped the tears from your face and walked past Peter, your shoulders brushing as you moved past him. You stared over the edge at the commotion, knowing you were the only one who could give the symbiote a fair fight. Your heart pounded in your chest as you looked over your shoulder at Peter, giving him a silent apology.

“I love you, Peter.” You said suddenly, never breaking eye contact. “I love you.”

With that, you jumped off the roof and turned into Venom in mid air. You landed on the ground below and roared at the red symbiote. You knew you had to focus on the fight, but your mind was goign a million miles an hour.

It was the first time you’d ever said those words to Peter, despite feeling them from the moment you met. He was the second boy you ever said those words to, but the first boy where you actually meant it.

You shook your head to free yourself from your thoughts and let out another roar.

“Venom!” The red symbiote smiled. “So glad you could make it! Where’s your friend huh? Is she too scared to come out and say hello to Carnage?”

“Carnage?” You wondered. Since when was there another symbiote on earth and more importantly, how did it know who you were?

You wasted no time in launching yourself at Carnage and attacking. You two wrestled for dominance for a while until Carnage ultimately won. He began to pull Venom off your body and you felt your face became uncovered. Carnage raised his razor sharp fingernails and prepared to slit your throat with his long nails.

“Heads up!” Spider-Man came swinging down and kicked Carnage off of you before he could harm you. You quickly bonded back with Venom and stood up, just in time to see Carnage throwing Peter across the street. You ran to him and helped him up.

“Shoot your web at the same time we do, okay?” You said and held out your wrist. Peter did the same and you both shot a web at the fast approaching Carnage. The combination of your webs was enough to capture Carnage and send him crashing to the floor. He soon broke out of his webbing and began running towards you again.

“Karen! Web grenade!” Peter yelled. He threw a web ball at Carnage and it blew up in the red symbiotes face. While he was distracted, you pulled the symbiote from its host by the ankles. Enough skin of the host was showing for you to take a bite. Carnage yelled in pain and turned to his closest attacker, which happened to be Peter. He picked Peter up and repeatedly slammed him into the pavement. To stop this, you tackled Carnage and spit acid spit in his eyes. Carnage howled and began to run away.

“I’ll be back, Venom.” He snarled. “And when I return, there’s gonna be Carnage.”

You ignored his threat and quickly ran to your unconscious boyfriend, kneeling down beside him. After checking to see that no one was around, you took off his mask and accessed his injuries. His face was beaten pretty badly and his pulse was weak. You transformed back into yourself and took off your hoodie and shirt, leaving you in a sports bra and leggings. You ran your hands over Peters body until you found a way to take the suit off, it was by pressing the spider on the chest. You tore up your shirt and pressed it to the large wound on Peters chest to stop the bleeding. You suddenly got an idea and pressed a hand to his chest, letting Venom go inside him and move around. Venoms healing abilities made the cuts on Peters chest disappear, but he was still knocked out. You pulled your hand away and slipped the hoodie around his body before picking him up with ease. He was adorably light. You quickly ran into the apartment building and went to his room before anyone could see you.

Peter came to about a half hour later just as you were finishing up healing his cuts. You had managed to bathe him and get him into a fresh pair of comfy clothes while his body healed.

Peter slowly woke up and noticed you were straddling his lap. After nearly a week of no contact with you, it felt nice. He missed the way your skin felt on his. He almost jumped out of his seat when he saw his Spider-Man suit hanging up in the closet where you could easily see it.

“Relax. I already know you’re Spider-Man.” You cooed as you put some Neosporin on his busted eyebrow. Peter relaxed under you for a moment as he took in his situation.

“And you’re not mad?” He asked quietly. You were surprisingly calm considering the circumstances.

“I’m not mad.” You smiled softly at him. “Venom is a little offended that you called her ugly though.”

“You’re Venom.” Peter said as he remembered seeing you jump off the building and transforming into the alien before his eyes. It made sense. The “We” was in reference to you. And you had saved his life the first night you met when Venom wanted to eat him. He just couldn’t believe his girlfriend was his arch nemesis this whole time.

“I am. Well, we are. Venom, say hi.” You turned to your left and watched as Venom shyly came out in her snake-like form to greet

“Hi.” Venom hissed.

“Hey.” Peter said back with a tiny bit a fear. He looked at you for reassurance and you nodded.

“You’re no panty dropper yourself, by the way.” Venom grumbled.

“Hey! Be nice or go back inside.” You scolded. Venom chose the later and went back inside.

“Are you mad?” You asked timidly, making him think about it.

“Not mad. Just confused.” He decided. “Is this why you were avoiding me? Because you saw my identity the night we ate dinner with Mr. Stark?”

“Yeah.” You admitted with guilt. “He told me I had a week to tell you. Today’s only day six so he’s gonna be thrilled.”

“He knows?” Peters eyes widened in surprise.

“Yes.” You confessed. “But he knew I was Venom before he knew I was your girlfriend.”

“That’s great news. Then I don’t have to explain anything to him.” Peter looked on the bright side. “Plus, he loves you. Speaking of love…”

Peter put his hand on the back of your neck and pulled you into a passionate, tear filled kiss. You wrapped your hand around his wrist and kissed him deeply, one last time. You slowly pulled apart and you bit your quivering lip.

“We have to break up.” You whispered before pulling your hands away from him.

“What? Why?” Peter asked in shock.

“Look at us Peter. Look what’s become of us.” Your voice wavered. “How can we ever be together when you’re Spider-Man and I’m Venom? We didn’t tell each other these huge things about our lives and we hurt each other because of it. Tell me, do you honestly think I’d ever lay a hand on you?”

“No.” Peter answered. He knew you didn’t have a malicious bone in your body.

“Exactly. I wouldn’t. And yet, I beat you to the point where you couldn’t even stand.” You began to cry from shame. “I should be protecting you, not hurting you.”

“But you didn’t know it was me.” Peter pointed out.

“Exactly Peter! I didn’t know it was you because you didn’t tell me!” You exclaimed. “Do you not trust me?”

“Of course I trust you. But in my defense, I’ve never told anyone I was Spider-Man. May, Ned, Mr. Stark, they all found out on their own. You were the first person I was actually going to tell willingly. I just hadn’t gotten around to it yet.” He sighed, and you believed him. “And what about you? You didn’t tell me you were Venom.” .

“It’s different, Peter.” You shook your head. “Venom isn’t a friendly neighborhood superhero. People see you and the run to you for help. But Peter, I’m what they’re running from. You said it yourself. I’m a hideous monster. I had a reason to hide who I was.”

Peter looked hurt at his own words. He cringed at the memory of insulting you so many times. He couldn’t imagine how it felt to hear that from your own boyfriend.

“You’re the most beautiful girl in the world. I said that about Venom, not you. I never would’ve said it if I had known.” Peter said softly, while reaching up to stroke your cheek. You wanted nothing more than to lean into his touch and forget the whole thing.

“That’s the point.” You moved his hand away. “We both would’ve done things differently if we had known. But we didn’t. And that’s why we need to breakup. Before we hurt each other any more.”

“Y/n, please.” Peter’s lips began to tremble. You couldn’t even look at him, not when you knew how much you were hurting him. You knew you’d take one took at his tear filled eyes and run right back into his arms. You had to be strong. You got up off his lap and headed towards the door before you lost your nerve.

“I’m sorry, Peter.” You said with your back to him. “We’re just on different paths. I’m so sorry.”

“Well what if I give up being Spider-Man?” Peter bartered. You looked at him over your shoulder in bewilderment.

“You’d give that up for me?”

“Anything for you.” He said confidently.

“I can’t ask you to do that. And what about Mr. Stark? You’re just gonna give up your mentor to be with me?” You asked him, hoping to knock some sense into him.

“Nothing means anything if I don’t have you.” Peter shot back. He was making it so difficult. You couldn’t help but to roll your eyes at him for how he was acting.

“You’re not throwing your life away for me.” You shook your head sternly. “I won’t allow it.”

“Well what if you give up Venom?” He suggested.

Venom jumped out and growled at Peter. He stumbled back and you held Venom back like a dog on a leash.

“She would never choose you over us, Spider-Man.” Venom snarled. “We’ve been with Y/n much longer than you have. We’ve dried her tears. We’ve kept her safe. What have you done? Y/n and I are inseparable by choice. I’m inside her. She’s mine.”

“Yea, well, I’ve been inside her too.” Peter shot back with faltering confidence. Your eyes widened at the two of them.

“Both of you, stop it.” You commanded. “This argument is over. I’m sorry, Peter. I’ll never be sorry enough. But I have to go.”

“Where are you going?” He panicked as you went for the door again.

“Home.” you answered, avoiding his gaze. 

“This is your home.” He protested. “Here, with me.”

“Not anymore.” You finally looked at him. “I’m going back to San Francisco. I booked the flight while you were knocked out and it leaves in the morning. I can’t be here anymore, Peter. I can’t see you everyday and not want to be with you.”

“Then be with me.” Peter practically yelled.

“We can’t be together. I knew it from the start.” You wiped your face when you remembered your breakdown in your car that one day.

“Y/n, please.” Peter gently took your arm, making you look at him. “Don’t go. I need you. You never even gave me a chance to say it back.”

In the midst of all the chaos and drama, you’d forgotten that you told Peter you loved him. A part of you was glad you finally got to say it, but the bigger part of you ached knowing you’d never hear it back.

“Don’t say it.” You put a half over his mouth for a moment. “Please, just, don’t say it. It’ll be too painful for the both of us. Just let me go. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. You and I not being together will never be okay.” Peter cried, leaving his sweet brown eyes a miserable red.

“Peter…” you breathed, hardly able to take it.

“Please don’t leave me. Everyone else has left me. And you’ve never been like everyone else.” Peter gave one last attempt to make you stay. You looked at him in his entirety. You took him all in. His wavy hair, his doe eyes, his slightly crooked nose and his eyebrow that stood all the way up. All the things you first fell in love with that day you knocked on his door to give him his mail. That seemed that a million years back but it was really only a few months. Your heart broke at the sight of Peter, as beautiful as ever, standing before with a broken heart. And even worse, you were the one that broke it.

“Stay.” His voice was barely above a whisper but he could see you beginning to weaken. He took his opportunity to beg to reconsider. A little gleam of hope bubbled in Peters chest. You stood up straighter, cleared your throat, and tore your eyes away from your ex-boyfriend.

“Peter Parker, I will love you until my lungs are empty. But I cannot stay.” You said firmly. Just like that, his hope was gone. Before he could say anything else, you ran out his bedroom door, through his kitchen, and out the front door. You locked your door behind you and climbed into bed, crying at the loss of your teenage love. You knew Peter could hear every tear that fell with his heightened hearing, so you whispered heartfelt apologies and hoped he’d find a way to forgive you.

[itsallyscorner]

I am loving your Little Mix member!reader x Tom Holland stuff! Could you write something about Tom comforting the reader after Jesy leaving the band? 💙

Hello darling! Thank you for the request and I’m sorry for taking so long, I’ve been busy with school😩 But it’s finally here, I’m writing about Jesy leaving Little Mix😭Thank you again and happy reading💞

💌.

A Horrible Friend

You knew it would happen one day, but didn’t expect it to be so soon. You knew all the hate and pressure would get too much for her, though you believed that she was strong enough to overcome their hateful words. Jesy is strong. As much as it hurt you and the other remaining girls to see her leave, you were all proud of her for finally putting herself first and doing something for her mental health. Away from the prying eyes of the public, you and the girls knew that Jesy had been struggling behind the scenes. From the constant pressure of being in one of the world’s biggest girl groups and living up to other people’s expectations; Jesy was unhappy.

“Before I share my announcement, can the girls and I just have a moment alone?” Jesy asked, turning towards the management team and producers. Your shared publicist nodded solemnly and ushered the rest of the people in the room outside. You shared a look with Perrie who shrugged with the same amount of confusion as you.

You eyed Jesy warily; her cheeks were a bit puffy and there was a hint of redness in her eyes. Her fingers nervously fiddled with each other while her eyes shifted between you and the girls.

“Babe, what’s up?” Perrie questioned her, concern lacing her voice. Jesy’s lip quivered and her eyes began to water. She shook her head then placed her head in her hands. Jade scooted closer to Jesy and brought her into her arms, “Oh Jesy, what’s wrong?”

You join Jade and wrap your arms around Jesy’s other side. You rest your chin on Jesy’s shoulder while rubbing circles onto her back. When she was ready to talk, she wiped her tears away with the pads of her thumbs, and grasped your hand with hers.

“I just want you to know that I love you all so much. I’m so blessed that you’ve all been part of a chapter in my life and I want to thank you for being the bestest friends I could ever ask for. You have showed me nothing but kindness and love, you supported me through literally anything. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, you guys mean the world to me. Without any of you, I might not even be here today.” Jesy spoke, fighting her tears and sniffling in between her sentences.

“You don’t need to thank us. We’re a family, Jesy, it’s what families do. We’ll always be here to support you no matter what.” Leigh-Anne reassured her, reaching across the table to take Jesy’s other hand.

“I don’t want you guys to hate me.” Jesy cried quietly. Your brows furrowed together. You squeezed her hand, “Jesy we could never hate you.”

Perrie leaned closer to Jesy, “Jes, what’s wrong?Tell us what’s wrong, please? We’ll do our best to help you, whatever it is.”

Jesy sighed and looked up at the ceiling to hold back her tears.

“You all know that I’ve been having a difficult time. With performing, making appearances—everything just feels like it’s too much now. I love our job and what we do, but for a while now I’ve been finding it hard to actually enjoy what we’re doing. I feel so suffocated always having to please other people and have people expect things from me. It’s to the point where I’ve had to fake my happiness and put on fake smiles just for people to think I’m okay. When in reality, I’m not.” Jesy confessed. From the words that were coming out her mouth and the physical state she was in, you had a feeling of what she wanted to tell you all. Jesy’s voice faded out while your eyes grew watery and your vision blurred.

“In regards to my mental health, I have come to the decision that I will be officially leaving Little Mix.” Jesy announced. The room was at a stand still. Nobody spoke, the only noise in the room were the sounds of you and the girls sniffling and crying to yourselves.

“I’m sorry.” Jesy cried turning to you. You shook your head at her, tears freely streaming down your face. You wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to be sorry, but you couldn’t find the strength to speak without breaking down, so instead you wrapped your arms around her and cried into her shoulder.

Tom heard the front door opening meaning that someone was home. It couldn’t have been Harrison or Tuwaine since they’ve both left to visit their families and Harry was locked in his room sleeping in for the day. Which only left one other person. You.

A wave of excitement rushed through his body since he knew you were finally back home. He also knew that you were coming back from a meeting with the girls, which usually meant talks of the next album, new projects, and possibly a tour. He couldn’t wait for you to come skipping into the living room and tell him all about it. Except you didn’t.

When you usually arrived home, you would loudly announce yourself or yell out a “Baby I’m home” to Tom. Instead, he heard the door distinctly shut and a sniffle coming from the hallway. The quietness and the sniffle was enough for him to worriedly rush off the couch.

“Babe?” He called out, leaning past the wall to peak behind it. You were shoving off your jacket and hanging it on the coat rack attached to the wall when you made eye contact with Tom. A small gasp passes through his lips once he sees your tear stained face. He was immediately by your side, wrapping his buff arms around your figure and letting you rest your head in the crook of his neck. Finally in the comfort of your lover, you let out all the sobs you were holding in since the meeting.

Tom softly shushed you, rocking you back and forth, while rubbing soothing circles on your back. “Oh darling, what’s wrong?” He cooed against your hair. You didn’t answer, only letting out small whimpers into his shoulder.

You felt his body tense up and his arms tighten around you, “Do I need to give someone a beating? Who made you cry? Was it someone at management? I’ll drive there right now and give them a piece of my mind for messing with my girl.” After two years of being together, Tom was aware of the mistreatment your previous record label had towards you and the girls. Ever since then, he’s been very protective of you (and the girls) when it came to anything involving management.

You shook your head against his shoulder, wrapping your arms around his torso. Tom suspected that you weren’t ready to speak yet; he felt you hiccup against him while your tears soaked his shirt.

Tom lightly patted your thigh, signaling for you to jump. “How about we go to bed for now? We could go to our room and get all comfy, how does that sound, darling?” You weakly nodded as Tom helped you wrap your legs around his waist. Before he can take you both to your shared room, he stopped by the kitchen and got you a bottle of water.

He gently set you on the edge of the bed, twisting the bottle of water open and handing it to you. He got a pair of his sweats and one of his shirts from his side of the closet and helped you changed into them. Your cries have slowly come to a stop, leaving you to hiccup against Tom’s chest, where your head rested on. He was leaning against the headboard with you cuddled into him.

You shut your eyes after feeling them burn from all the crying. One of Tom’s fingers were tangled in your hair and his other was resting against your back.

“What happened at the meeting?” Tom finally asked quietly.

“Jesy’s leaving the band.” You answer, voice coming out hoarsely. Tom stops his motions in your hair and leans back to get a proper look at you.

“What?”

“Jesy’s leaving the band.” You repeated. Tom’s brows knit together in confusion. Like you and the girls, he was just as shocked as you all were.

“D—did she confirm it? Are you sure she wasn’t just mentioning it? Maybe she was joking, you know how Jes can get.” Tom stammered.

“It’s official Tom! I was fucking there!” You exclaim, voice raising in frustration. Your eyes were now open, meaning you didn’t miss the way Tom flinched at your change in tone. You sigh and shut your eyes again, rubbing your temples with your fingers. “I’m sorry.” You apologized.

“No, don’t be sorry, it’s okay.” He assured you, resting his palm against the back of your head to rest it in between his shoulder and neck. He placed a light kiss on your temple, repeating the action a few times to comfort you.

“Jesy said she couldn’t handle being in the band anymore.” You started. “The way she described it was so heartbreaking. Tom, she said hasn’t been properly happy for months now. She was faking it all this time just to make us believe she was fine.” You explained, voice wavering.

You breathed in, feeling the hiccups starting to bubble from your chest again.

“I’m a horrible friend. How could I have not noticed that something was wrong? I should’ve known that she wasn’t herself, I knew there was something off about her but I didn’t do anything.” You cried, tears forming in your eyes again. Tom frowned at you.

“No, don’t blame yourself for not knowing a thing. You couldn’t have ever guessed that she was going through something.” Tom tried to reason with you. He moved some strands of hair away from your face and tilted your chin up to look at him.

“Y—yeah but still—“

“But nothing. Just because you can’t detect how someone is automatically feeling does not mean you’re a horrible friend. You’re only human, sweetheart.” He cradled your face and made sure that you were listening to every word that came out his mouth. It already hurt to see you cry, but it was worse to know that you were blaming yourself for the departure of your friend.

“(Y/n), you’ve always been there for Jesy. You’ve been there to lift her up when she was low. You made her laugh, reminded her everyday of how beautiful she was inside and out—you’re far from a horrible friend. You’re one of the greatest friends she could have ever had. And I know Jesy would agree.” His thumbs wipe at the tears that trailed down your face. He sent you a small smile, attempting to get rid of that pout on your lips.

“I just wish I could’ve done something. Maybe if I did, she would’ve stayed in the band. With us.” You mumbled. Tom hummed in response, “But darling, Jesy said she was unhappy. Whether you or the other girls were to try something, she would’ve still left. Would you rather her continue to fake her happiness or would you want her to leave and take care of herself?”

You frowned, knowing Tom was right, “I’d want her to take care of herself. I don’t want us to hold her back and make her suffer. She deserves to be happy.”

Tom leaned down to connect your lips with his, “And you deserve to be happy as well. Don’t beat yourself up for Jesy leaving, you did nothing wrong. None of you did. It’s just time for Jesy to move on to a new part in her life and find happiness again.”

You hum sadly, “I know. I’m glad she’s decided to do something for herself for once, it just hurts to know that she won’t be there with us anymore.”

“That’s understandable.” Tom comfortingly rubbed your back, easing the tension in between your shoulders. “But I know she’ll still be supporting you guys from the sidelines, she wouldn’t let you guys get rid of her that easily.” He chuckled nudging you with his shoulders. A burst of happiness erupted in his body when he saw a shy smile form on your lips; he finally got you to smile.

Tom squeezed your shoulders at the idea he came up with, “Ooo, once you guys are on tour again can you put my seat next to Jesy? I’ll get to annoy her the entire time and she won’t have the option to leave because you’ll all be one stage.”

You snort out a laugh and smack his chest, “No! Do you want her to hate me? She can’t stand you.” Tom joined you in laughing, happy to see that you were feeling better.

“You know, I’m gonna miss her poking fun at me whenever I see you and the girls.” Tom reminisced after you both stopped laughing.

“Yeah, we’re all gonna miss that. Especially her embarrassing you every chance she gets.” You added giggling softly against his neck.

It was quiet between you two until Tom craned his neck to look down at you, “You guys are going to be fine without her. I know you guys might think it’s hard, and it’ll take some time to move on, but I believe you girls can do it. I know you all can.”

You offer him a grateful smile and press a kiss to the corner of his lips, “Thank you. I love you so much.”

Tom responds to you with a pout, “I love you too, darling. But you missed.”

“Missed what?”

“My lips!” He exclaimed making a show of puckering his lips out at you. You were about to kiss him but decided this was the perfect opportunity for some light teasing.

“Oh sorry, I couldn’t find them from how thin they are.” You apologized. Tom’s jaw dropped before he began scooting away from under you. From the playful glint in your eye, he obviously knew you were joking. Though he didn’t expect you to crack a joke at him, especially after such a heartfelt moment.

“So is that how it’s gonna be? You’re gonna be the one to make fun of me now?” He dramatically asked you, a hand on his chest.

“Well if Jesy’s not gonna be around as much, someone has to do it.” You shrugged, leaving him on the bed and moving to leave for the kitchen. Tom panned his eyes around the room like how they do in The Office.

“I’m just never going to catch a break, am I?”