#but I’m just so use to keeping my self ships close to canon that a canon x canon ship kinda ends up feeling well… canon

[candyheartedchy]

Has any other self shipper ever find themselves kinda falling out of self shipping with a f/o because of a canon x canon ship either becoming canon or hinted at?

[sadcoms]

timepetals thoughts i keep having:

i know that the assumption is “she is my s-” means soulmate but i always think he just thinks of rose as his soul. less that she completes him or is his other half and more that she just is his conscience and any goodness he may have is hers. he was born out of love for her, she is such an integral part of him, she is his soul itself.

i know everyone has taken permanent damage from the “how long are you going to stay with me” and why the general focus is on the doctor’s reaction but the way rose says forever gets to me. she’s not giddy or girlish when she says it, in some ways she almost sounds resigned to it, which has wonderfully angsty connotations in the timeline of s2. but it’s why it really works for me, she is so dead serious and committed when she says it, because she understands everything it means (and therefore part of her feels solemn about it). it has a lot of weight to it. even the first time donna says she’s going to travel with the doctor forever to martha at the end of the doctor’s daughter she sounds a lot more fanciful.

every time i hear the doctor scream when rose loses her grip in doomsday i just think that he would absolutely not have survived her actually being sucked into the void.

i always think the vocals in doomsday are similar to the doctor’s theme so to me the angry rock music is rose’s side and the vocals are his, rather than the howling wolf idea i’ve heard some people compare it to. how the doctor’s theme is lonely and mournful with its sparse instruments but calm, everything the ninth doctor was, while doomsday is heartbroken and angry and an entire orchestra because it’s two people overcome with grief together. how doomsday becomes such a motif for both characters individually, even when they're separated.

i still struggle to comprehend that the doctor wearing floral ties in s3 is canon and NOT a fanfic trope like you're telling the doctor said "i need a floral motif as close to my two hearts as possible" and you're describing him as something other than a grieving widower???

the doctor really could not go anywhere in s3 without running into some kind of couple but i never see people talk about the parallels in 42. “we chose this ship together / he keeps me honest so i don’t want false hope” and the way the doctor literally gives mcdonnell his condolences through gritted teeth?? the fact that she would rather die with korwin than be without him and have it be her fault

that the doctor, king of self-loathing, saw rose dressed as his ninth self and carrying a giant weapon and he not only RAN to her but then deliberately protected her from the trauma of seeing him change again. and then tentoo immediately picks a blue suit to be like now i’m matchey matchey with rose 🥰 the universe was ending and he’d seen rose again for two actual minutes but the doctor was so utterly focused on her.

how tentoo truly is rose's doctor, especially as he's got that little bit of nine in him. he's born out of the same love and protection of his previous incarnations but he loses a heart and the curse of the timelords and goes oh, this is rose's heart. and then he wears the blue mourning suit and yes, there is still mourning, but there is also the start of the rest of their lives together.

how the doctor’s hair most noticeably changed after school reunion to become spikier and less boyish. how that coincides with him using mickey to put distance between himself and rose now that he’s been reminded of rose’s mortality.

how wild the doctor and jack’s conversation in utopia is. the way the doctor says “rose” like it’s an entire explanation in itself because even before she absorbed the time vortex she fundamentally changed the life of everyone she met. the way he says “everything she did was so human” and the way he accepts jack’s sorry to him because there’s no trying to deny his feelings from jack, not when he saw his ninth self. the way jack has BARELY finished his sentence about watching rose grow up when the doctor casually asks him if he wants to die, the almost playful way he says it. one semi suicidal immortal who spent half of the season trying to get himself killed to another, both of them still kind of toying with the idea. both of them trying to have hope even though they've lost so much.

[fictionalsillies]

🦆 Introducing : me

Just realized that I didn’t even make a blog to introduce myself yet , so I finally decided to get it done at long last :,)👍

Please be sure to read this if you’d like to know more about me and this profile’s rules !

stimboard made by @charlies-crushes

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                            ⋆ ★ GENERAL INFO

You can call me Lotty , both she/her and they/them pronouns are fine with me and my hobbies include mostly drawing silly stuff related to my favorite fictional characters and my self inserts ;

I’m a huge fan of anything animated , especially independent projects on YouTube like Monkey Wrench , Lackadaisy , Murder Drones , Atlas and the Stars , TADC eccetera :)

There’s also a variety of games I like , such as Hollow Knight , Night in the Woods , Ori and the Blind Forest and many more !

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                            ⋆ ★ F/Os and S/Is List

( this list can be subjected to changes and updates )

Jaw Bone ( Monkey Wrench ) —> Jade

-Status : current primary crush , will likely avoid to check out content related to other ships with him ( to clarify , I’m never mad at anyone for liking the same character as me or for enjoying pairing him with someone else ! It’s merely a decision I made for my own emotional benefit :)👍)

Bea ( NITW ) —> Sarah

-Status : neutral sharing , actually enjoys canon ships with her present in the game

Godseeker ( Hollow Knight ) —> Lihm

-Status : neutral sharing

Baroness Von Bon Bon ( Cuphead ) —> Crème

-Status : neutral sharing ╰┈➤ Comfort Characters

Lucifer and Rosie ( Hazbin Hotel )

Ori ( OATBF and OATWOTW )

Mordecai ( Lackadaisy )

Krobus ( Stardew Valley )

Perrito ( Puss In Boots TLW )

Monika ( DDLC )

Entrapta ( SPOP )

Double Trouble ( SPOP )

Raine ( The Owl House )

Marcy ( Amphibia )

Narrator ( The Stanely Parable )

Quirrel ( Hollow Knight )

Snatcher ( AHIT )

Commander Peepers ( WOY )

Bruno ( Encanto )

Elsa ( Frozen )

The Spot ( Spiderman ATSV )

Spiderman Noir ( Spiderman ITSV )

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  ⋆ ★ ART REQUESTS

- Current status : CLOSED { more info tba }

╰┈➤ ART TRADES

-Current status : OPEN-ish { not always able to accept due to irl matters keeping me busy , it really depends on the time }

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                            ⋆ ★ RULES ( very important )

I’m not a fan of pro-shipping and all things related to it since it makes me pretty uncomfy , so if you’re into that I’d rather have you block me and not interact with my profile , or the other way around . Also needless to say , but if you’re homophobic or racist in any way you definitely aren’t welcome here .

I get incredibly anxious when receiving private messages without warning , so please just ask me beforehand weather or not I’m down to chat either in my inbox or my blogs , or just say something other than just “hi” in the message ! Overall , private messages as a whole just make me a bit nervous , I prefer not using them unless it’s absolutely necessary ( plus I almost never check them , so I’m not the best at keeping the conversation interesting … I’m the most awkward human on the planet when it comes to that stuff .-. )

I can find myself too busy to hang here at times , so if it takes me a while to respond it’s definitely not because I have something against you in any way : this isn’t an excuse , but I do also suffer from adhd , so it’s possible for me to forget about some stuff while struggling to focus on everything else … yeah ;C;

Some of my posts may include occasional swearing sometimes : I keep it to a minimum , but I thought it would be good to bring this up in case anyone is uncomfortable with it .

If by chance I ever happen to draw something mildly suggestive ( I’m never going to do anything fully NSFW tho !! ) , I’ll always be sure to put a warning at the start of the blog 👍

( also this profile’s theme might change from time to time based on which character I’m currently obsessing over ://] ❤️ )

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Thur lovely fandom :) So sorry for being a day late. Kinda a miracle took this long for life to knock me off course tbh. Entering our final 3 eps of this rewatch. It’s the final Countdown ha This is a glorious episode top to bottom. This season really finishes out very strong. Let us begin.

5x20 S.T.R

We start off in the most domestic fluffy way. I was giddy af when this premiered. Took me awhile to get through this ep cause I rewound this part so much. They have this flirty dance as they prep for breakfast together. Tim checking her out as he places the pancake down. Not subtle in the least looking down at her chest. I love that he can shamelessly check her out now and does so. Lucy is soaking it in. I mean if Tim Bradford was openly checking me out I’d feel empowered too.

The confident way Lucy leans extra hard into Tim as her response. *fans self* Needing zero space between them if she can help it. She is eyeing those gorgeous lips of his as well. Doesn’t take much to ignite Tim around her. Moth to flame this man. Lucy pressing into him like she didn’t just have him this morning in the shower. Gah I love it so very much. Our horny little ship never getting enough of each other. I’m a puddle. Look at her seducing him with just her body language and gaze my goodness.

Tim’s soft reply of 'Hey.’ Smitten Kitten Tim reporting for duty. Getting what she is throwing down for him. *sigh* These idiots in love. I love them so much. Happiness once again looking so damn good on them. They’re both beaming in this scene. Look at the smiles on these two. Said it a few times. Forever love how one kiss is never enough. Doesn’t take much to get them going and wanting extra kisses. Tim pulling on her for more as he goes in for that second kiss.

Also Tim cooking breakfast for Lucy is so adorable I cannot. This is canon now and I love it. So nice she has someone to cook for her now unlike when she was with the clown. And for Tim to have someone who enjoys breakfast. Which he didn't have with Ashley. Tamara breaks up their love fest. Parting the Red Sea that is Chenford on her way to the fridge. Tim's reaction is so funny. Just throwing his hands up in the air all defeated.

At first he’s annoyed then Tamara says her line. Then he’s like she’s not wrong... LOL Oh Eric you’re the king of expressions sir. Let’s just take a second to to soak this moment in. They’re making breakfast together, can’t keep their hands off one another, his hands on her waist pulling her close, they can’t even keep it to one kiss. It’s glorious on so many levels. Not squeeing to death at all.

Lucy and Tim still gravitate toward each other despite Tamara's interruption. Lucy noting she thought she was sleeping in today? Ha Thought she had the morning to herself with Tim. Tamara explaining she was but the smell of pancakes woke her up. We see Tim perk up so excited to make her pancakes. He truly does love having her around it's adorable. Happy it was his cooking that awoke her. Such a dad excited she wants his cooking. I cannot.

He is so happy to make her some pancakes. What a man. I LOVE the way Lucy is looking at him when Tamara says she wants 3. He looks back at her and she cutely raises her eye brows. Just as smitten with this man as he is with her. They’re so adorable. They hear the doorbell ring and Tim freezes and says ‘shoot.’ all adorable like. Telling Lucy Isabel texted him. Her name getting stuck in his throat a little. That he totally forgot to tell her he invited her over here. Lucy stumbles and is in shock but recovers pretty nicely if you ask me.

Tim being adorable saying he is sorry. That he was gonna tell her when she got out of the shower. But then he got in the shower…oh my lord. Legit announcing they had shower sex this morning. Am I dreaming? Tim Bradford saying out loud they had little morning delight in the shower. I can't believe my ears and I'm ship drunk. S5 continues to feel like a fever dream.

Not only that but talking about their sex like in front of their pseudo daughter LOL Lucy playfully hits Tim but is still beaming at him. The shower sex was so good and distracting he forgot his ex-wife was coming over. I'm reeling. God I love this season so very much. It’s insane the glorious goodies that we got. Also must point out the necklace anytime I see it. I spy with my little eye Lucy’s Valentine’s Day gift that never leaves her neck. *internal screaming*

Lucy is so uncomfortable once Isabel is inside poor thing. Trying to be a good last second hostess. Asking if she’d like something? Isabel says coffee. Tim guides Isabel to the living room. Tamara speed walks to Lucy asking if this is the ex-wife? Lucy scolding her for being so loud I'm dying. This is hysterical.

This is such a mother/daughter moment I love it. Lucy agreeing it is odd he invited her over. Tamara's protective instinct kicking in saying she’s gonna do some research. Lucy doesn’t want this whatsoever. Scolding her once again but the train has left the station haha I love Tamara so much. I hope we get lots of her in S6.

Lucy joins Tim and Isabel in the living room. I have to say before I start. I’m so distracted by Tim’s hands in this scene. Mmm doing things to me. I know I have a one track mind when it comes to him. But look at the man... Anyways she brings up 8 years ago she was UC in the Teska family. Became a mentor to the boss’s daughter Dara. Love the little check in's they do with each other BTW as she speaks.

It's subtle their eye contact but that's their specialty. Silent communication at it's finest. Isabel tells them she got close to Dara. In that weird way you do when you’re pretending to be someone else. They have no idea what that’s like…*cough double down cough* I do love the way Lucy’s eyes dart between Tim and Isabel.

So after Frank her dad was arrested she scattered and left that identity behind. Hadn’t heard from Dara in 8 years. Until now. She had answering service for her old covers. That she left a message for her. It was a distress call and sounds like people are chasing her. She came to them because she’s out of cover. Can’t seem to find her through other channels. Tim says they can go to station get warrant for her phone. See if they can't find her that way.

Once they’re at the station Tim and Isabel are en route to Grey. Smitty welcomes him back and is awkward af with Isabel. Because well Smitty. She asks if he's back from vacation? He says no a shooting. That he just got cleared from it. Says he’s getting there but Lucy keeps trying to get him to meditate. This would be adorable to see btw. I love all of Melissa’s tea ceremony’s and meditation videos. Tim is more the kinda to take a deep breathe and go for a walk and chill like he did in 3x11 with Barnes. Their versions of meditation are vastly different LOL

I love the way Harper walks over to check in on Lucy. Forever be in awe of how they started to where they are now. Nyla being apart of Lucy’s BAMF journey still makes me so happy. Harper asking her if she’s ok with Tim working this case? Lucy letting her know it’s not a big deal…that he’s over her. Nyla shooting back she knows that. She’s making sure Lucy does. Love her looking out for Lucy. Doesn't want her to get riled up over nothing.

Clearly Harper has seen the way Tim beams around her. Knows that man is gone for her. Lucy couldn’t be cuter telling her to stop it with a playful hit. Tamara comes up ruining her 'ok vibe' with her deep dive news. Harper’s face is hilarious. She like Eric has fantastic expressions. They make me laugh so much during this scene. Tamara divulging everything she’s found. Lucy trying to spin it into something positive. That it sounds like she’s got her life together.

Tamara is instigating saying 'Or she wants Tim to see she’s doing well.' Why are you doing this to your mother? Lmao. She loves you and houses you little lady haha I do love Lucy calling herself his new girlfriend in her explanation. Yeah you are. Tamara continuing her instigating mentioning how Tim said she looked good. Also tacking on 'Keep your enemies closer...'Lucy is so exasperated with her I’m dying. Pulling that look from her husbands book.

Isabel asks how long Tim and Lucy have been dating? He says a few months. Can tell he doesn’t want to delve too much into this. Diverts it back to her. Asking if she’s seeing someone? Letting him know yes and no. That he set the bar really high. He sure did and you threw it away madam. Didn't know what she had till it was gone. I know some saw this as her trying to get him back. I didn't see it that way at all. This SL wasn't built on that. This ep had her show back up for a couple reasons. One we will see later on with Lucy but this one here was more about closure IMO. The last time they spoke or the last time we saw them really speak was back in 1x12.

A conversation where she basically blamed him partly for their marriage falling apart and her addiction. That he would be a constant reminder of it. Tim didn't walk away from that convo feeling great about himself. It inflicted some deep wounds for him actually. Those wounds showed themselves in his relationship with Ashley. By not rocking the boat and being less rigid. Him smile is a little uncomfortable and strained. I I think because one it's opening up wounds he's worked really hard to close. Two he's not totally sure he believes her words but he will take them anyways. Some closure is better than none at all.

Tim and Isabel are waiting outside a motel. They tracked Dara down here. Isabel stayed here once in hiding with her. They talk about her UC life a bit. Tim telling her how he held his breath every time she went on a long term assignment. Isabel noting even when she came back she wasn’t fully there. Even though she wanted to be.

Tim pulls his gaze from her. It’s like re-opening a wound for him once again. One that’s been healed over for while. He doesn’t want to pick at it any further. Tim tells her since she’s not a cop anymore she needs backup. Lucy is on her way to them now. Isabel can’t help but note he's dating another UC.

The sweet smile when he thinks about her has me squeeing. Nothing makes him melt faster than talking about her. Telling Isabel ‘But Lucy is different.’ Yeah she is. I love him being able to see that. He looks so damn in love as he speaks. Just giddy and gushing. Also him once again being protective over his relationship with Lucy. It makes me so happy. He couldn’t be more in love with her if tried.

The scene in the truck is fantastic. First off Lucy looks amazing. Second I adore her absolute confidence about Tim. Isabel thinking it’s about Tim she wants to pick her brain. I love her saying 'No she has Tim all figured out.' I mean she does. Has owned the book of Tim for years now. No one knows that man better than she does.

Isabel may have years on her. Knowing him longer but Lucy has her beat in knowing him better. She don’t need no cheat codes for this man haha This scene is really cute. They’re both laughing and having a good time. Tim is confused as hell trying to hear their convo LOL So annoyed and frustrated he can’t hear what they’re talking about.

Lucy gets serious and asks her about UC. If it was worth it for her? Despite all the bad things that happened? I love how honest Isabel is. I also love how this wasn’t a oooh his ex-wife comes back and causes havoc thing. So grateful they went the mature healthy route with this. Was so very lovely to see her back and healthy. Isabel coming back added to the elephant in the room. Lucy being a UC while being with Tim. Like I mentioned earlier she came back for a couple reasons. This is the other one.

Lucy getting an honest opinion about this career she's considering. Isabel is completely honest with her. Saying it took a lot from her. Her husband, her job and her self respect. But she can’t blame all that on being a UC. That she had stuff in her past that added to it. Adding in sounds like Lucy has much healthier coping mechanisms than she did. Lucy is seeking out some answers because she’s having doubts. No doubts that she can do this. Lucy is very aware she is good at it.

What she’s weighing is the cost now. Here’s my take on a Lucy with UC. Take it or leave it and I'll delve into this more at the end as well. Pre-Tim UC made ton of sense for her. Hell even Pre-Tamara as well. Now she has this little patch work family she loves. That’s what she’s leaving behind now with these OP’s. Leaving Tim behind. I think she struggling with the idea of doing so in the future. Isabel’s answer was open and honest. IF she’s prepared to make those sacrifices. IF. I don't know that she is. Not anymore. Falling in love with Tim has changed everything.

Speaking of our boy. Tim ends up calling Lucy asking if the wire is fixed? Poor love is feeling so anxious right now. He needs to know it’s working. Lucy laughs with Isabel and says a wire must’ve disconnected. Mmhmm… Does a sound check for him so he can see it’s ok. They see Dara coming back and Lucy calls him ‘Babe.’ again and I’m floating. It’s such a simple word and makes me all giddy. I need more of this in S6. I really do.

We rejoin them post-op coming home. Love her asking if he wants a beer? Such a domestic moment. We got to start with one and end with one. Fantastic. Lucy mentions 'She seems good. Happy.' Tim asking Isabel? Lucy just replies ‘Hmm.’ Tim saying yeah she deserves it. Seems like he's talking about more than just Isabel. I do love the look in his face when she says this. That empathy of hers shining through.

One of reasons he loves this woman. Genuinely being happy Isabel is ok. There is also a lot behind the second look he gives her before he sits down. How he’s staring at Lucy before he lands on the couch seems loaded. Isabel coming back has stirred up a lot for him. That lingering look he gives her. It's almost got a sad haunted look to it.

Tim has been through so much all he wants is to be happy with Lucy. Saw a sad tag about his expression. Saying how he looks like he doesn’t deserve to be happy. This broke my damn heart. Falls in love again for the first time since Isabel and she’s on the same path she was. He looks so tired and defeated by the time he sits on the couch. I wanna hug him.

We get a cute little moment before this scene turns serious. Lucy mentioning it was nice to get to know the person behind all his stories. Tim asking if that’s why they muted themselves? Ha A little serious but mostly joking. Lucy saying it was just to talk trash about him of course hehe Tim couldn’t be cuter with his smile and saying sarcastically ‘Funny.’ That Lucy smile we all know and love.

The way this man looks at her my goodness. Also let’s not skate passed the sexy stubble adorning his beautiful jawline. Or the fact that they’re drinking and chatting at the end of their day. So married. Making my heart swell. The sassing and teasing never gets old. It’s the best between them. Just hits differently now they’re together too.

Lucy looks at him and takes the plunge into what she wants to talk about. Asking if she can share something vulnerable with him? Gah I love her sharing in the first place. Tim puts down his beer and gives her his full attention. Saying of course she can. I love this first shot of them. Her beautiful view as the backdrop to start this conversation.

Lucy starting off with telling him she loves working undercover. Tim doing his Lucy smile for her. Knowing how much she truly does. Even though it kills him. Lucy goes on to say she’s never gone as deep as Isabel. Doing a 6 month run or a year long. Tim thinking he has this pegged. Voicing she's worried she won't be able to handle it?

This next line kills me. Makes me a little emotional. Because Lucy is so emotional bringing this up. Her worry for him so very evident and deep. Tears brimming in her eyes. The way she touches his shoulder gently. Voicing her vulnerability and fear about him. It’s the way she rubs her hand up and down his shoulder not making eye contact till she speaks her worry.

Ripping my heart right out. Tim putting on a brave face for her and reaches out for her hand. Embracing her warm touch. Covering her hand with his. Telling her he’ll be fine. Ugh but you won’t my love. You really won’t. Even though he knows it is different this time. Because it is. Logically he knows this. Doesn’t mean he’s going to worry any less.

Hell it might even be more worry this go around because of the PTSD. Next ep is proof of that. Lucy not fully believing him says ‘Yeah.’ Tim is refusing to be in the way of her UC aspirations. Reassuring her he will be fine. I love the way he pulls her into his arms for a snuggle. Telling her to 'Come here.'

Her leg over his thigh. *squee* I’m dying. Getting real close to snuggle in for this moment. Tim looks like he goes for her hand but lands on her knee. Lucy looks damn near ready to cry. Tim rubbing her knee/thigh soothingly. My heart. Trying to find some solace in holding her in his arms. Look at his face. This man is anything but fine. He’s so very worried.

Holding her tight to him. Taking comfort in the fact she’s with him now. Savoring they're together right now. They really need to have more conversations about this. Honest ones. Lucy doesn’t want to leave him but he also isn’t telling her to stay. Just lying liars who lie right now. We all know she would have just as much trouble if it was Tim.

This sweet cuddling is beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time. I am excited we finally got some good couch snuggling. Tim looks absolutely terrified he’s going to lose her though. Not only lose her but to same thing he lost Isabel too. Ugh it hurts so good everyone.

The way Tim slightly shakes his head trying to kick loose his tormented thoughts. *heart clutch* His little smile though is everything. Knowing she so worth going through this again even if scares him to death. Lucy looking gutted about the thought of leaving him behind UC. Knowing he is anything but ok with this scenario. I believe she is having some doubts about being a long term UC now. I think she was hoping Tim would’ve had a different answer. Maybe given her an out about it. I think she’s being torn between what she thinks she should be and what she now wants.

She's been on on the UC path so long it scares her to get off it. I totally get it I wanted to be a dog trainer forever. When first moved to CO it didn’t happen. It was my goal moving there but it didn't happen. So I got a different job settled into that for awhile. Then when things came up for dog trainer while at this other job. I felt the need to still do it even though I was fine at my current job. Why? Because I had been on that path forever thought I had to because of that. But I wanted someone to tell me it was ok not to if I didn't want to anymore.

I think Lucy wants Tim to tell her not to so she has an out and can pursue something else. You can be amazing at something and not have it be your career path. Also her sticking with it might be little bit of that old self doubt creeping back in. Lucy thinking I’m good at UC can I be this good at anything else? Doubting she will be good at anything other than UC. I mean she doubted herself in 5x19 with the test. She has grown but those doubts can still creep back in. *sigh* These two. Both still holding back. Needing to have more convos about this for sure in s6. But what a damn good ep.

~~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Aaron being Angela’s aide is hilarious. Also her getting the guy to confess cause she’s so pregnant and uncomfortable is hilarious.

Isabel and Lucy being bad asses on their OP was fun to watch.

Thank you to all you amazing readers who like, comment and reblog these reviews. Give me life hehe Shall see you all in 5x21 :)

[absynthe--minded]

Hello! Can I respectfully request the promised lecture and Powerpoint about Fingon/Maedhros? I'll be honest here... I just do not see it, and I truly do want to understand. There are other relationships in the Legendarium that I really do think Tolkien deliberately and unequivocally coded as queer, and I've used all those same examples you list to back up my arguments. And I do see the parallels with Luthien and Beren (just as Sam/Frodo has parallels with that). But otherwise, I don't see a lot of queer coding. Which is not to say that I think it's a bad ship, just that I don't really see much in the text to support it or see much indication that it's what Tolkien intended. I would love to be convinced, though! I swear I'm not trying to bash Russingon or provoke anything. It seems like you have put a lot of thought and research into this, and I'm honestly curious, because this is a ship that has always puzzled me a bit.

First, thank you for asking! It’s always a pleasure to talk about my boys and my OTP to end all OTPs

I want to start what’s probably going to be a long series of self-reblogs by saying something that’s going to be important in the long haul: there is a difference between “I personally interpret this in a way that enhances the story, and it’s canonically compliant” and “I think and will seriously argue that Russingon is supported canonically by things that explicitly exist to point toward it being more than friendship”. The line can get kind of fuzzy, but it does exist, and the foundation of any good queer analysis is recognizing that.

So before I get into Sarah Waters, Mary Renault, and what the British legal system has to do with any of this, I’m going to make three lists.

Stuff That Probably Doesn’t Mean Anything, But That Is Fun To Examine From A Shipping Perspective:

Maedhros wears a copper circlet, Fingon wears gold in his braids

Maedhros abdicated the throne in favor of Fingon entering the line of succession

Maedhros stepped into a position of military authority after Fingon took the throne, working closely with him specifically to attack Angband after the Bragollach

Fingon is stated by Tolkien himself to have never married nor had biological children, and Maedhros never married nor had biological children either

Stuff That Is Ambiguous In Intent, But Is More Significant Than The Above:

Fingon clearly still cared enough about Maedhros that despite probably not knowing whether or not he burned the ships, he set out to rescue him alone in a display of loyalty to the rival royal line that put his priorities firmly in the “this nér whom I love” camp. It’s worth noting that Maedhros’s family are the reason that his sister-in-law is dead, the reason many of his own people froze to death, and the reason his brother is dead. Maedhros’s rescue, and forgiving him, is more important to Fingon than any of that. Why?

Morgoth’s battle plan for the Nirnaeth Arnoediad (as relayed in the Grey Annals in The War of the Jewels) involved forcing Maedhros and Fingon apart and trying to take both of them down simultaneously. Fingon was of course ultimately killed by Balrogs, and Maedhros avoided being killed by allies-turned-spies, but the goal was to keep them apart and incapacitate them both. Why?

Maedhros’s mental stability, willingness to exist in a society, passion for fighting Morgoth, and desire to curtail his brothers’ worst impulses all evaporate after Fingon’s death and Fingon’s death specifically. Why?

Maedhros and Fingon maintain a relationship with each other that is significantly more important to their actions than similar relationships between Finwëan cousins. Aredhel is never recorded as prioritizing Celegorm to the same extent, and Finrod only goes on a hunting trip with Maedhros and Maglor after things between their families are patched up. Why are they different from others in this way?

Stuff That Actually Matters In Analysis:

Fingon and Maedhros, Beren and Lúthien, and Frodo and Sam all share very nearly the same story at a crucial point. All three feature a situation where a rescuing party feared the one they loved was dead, discovered they were actually held prisoner by Sauron, went alone into peril, and used a song to find who they searched for successfully. Both Maedhros and Beren lost a hand in the course of their journey. Frodo lost a finger, and Sam cut the hand from the orc whipping him. All three pairs were rescued by at least one of the great eagles. Sam and Frodo have on-page declarations of love. Beren and Lúthien are the self-inserts of the author and his wife. This connection is not accidental; the author explicitly compares Frodo and Sam to Beren and Lúthien on the Quest for the Silmaril in the text of The Two Towers. If Maedhros and Fingon are being linked thematically with the central romantic relationship of the Legendarium, there is a reason why.

The Grey Annals tells us that Fingon rescued Maedhros “and their love was renewed”. That’s a direct quote from the text, not an exaggeration. This is more canonical proof of love than we get for some married couples (notably Fëanor and Nerdanel, who are never stated to love one another in the text).

Laws and Customs Among the Eldar explicitly states that half-first-cousins are allowed to marry without it being considered incestuous, so long as their parents aren’t close. That seems like an extremely odd standard, until you remember that there is an unusually close pair of half-first-cousins whose parents don’t get along.

(Obligatory note: the published Silmarillion does state that Idril and Maeglin are too close to marry. The published Silmarillion’s treatment of Maeglin is also almost certainly invented by Christopher Tolkien - Maeglin in the drafts written by JRRT himself is wildly different than how he appears when Chris writes him. Tolkien himself avoided making any such statements about cousin marriage and Turgon opposed Maeglin marrying Idril because he didn’t think it was a love marriage.)

The Grey Annals also discusses one of the histories of the green elfstone that Aragorn receives from Galadriel as a wedding gift - in this draft, it was made by Fëanor, and Maedhros gave it to Fingon. When Aragorn receives it, it’s been set in a brooch in the form of an eagle. Here we have another thing that passed between Maedhros and Fingon that is explicitly linked to romantic relationships between two characters echoing Beren and Lúthien. This is once again not accidental.

Fingon’s harp is almost certainly a reference to the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, which also heavily inspired Lúthien pleading for Beren in Mandos. Yet again, we have deliberate intent by the author to position this relationship in a light that reflects romance above all else. You could even go further and point out that there are parallels between Thingol’s hostility toward Beren and Fëanor’s distrust and hatred of the Nolofinwëans. Túrin and Beleg, who get to kiss on the page, are also echoes of Russingon - early bliss marred by a kinslaying, a hopeless quest alone armed with a bow, an injury that results from freeing the captive party.

The fact of the matter is that none of this is accidental. Tolkien was deliberate in his worldbuilding, his parallels, his setups and his plot choices. There is a reason that Fingon and Maedhros are linked to so much romance, a reason that they are positioned on equal footing with other more clearly queercoded ships, a reason that it’s their relationship that shapes the First Age. When you accept that none of it happened accidentally, that allows you to broaden your scope, and look at Tolkien’s inspirations, his life, his friendships, cultural influences, and why he might have been so cagey about his M/M ships when they aren’t just important but vital to the text. (After all, Sam and Frodo’s happy ending comes after Sam’s time in heteronormativity, and Túrin and Beleg fall apart in a similar fashion.)

It’s just - it’s not crazy or insane or Shipper Goggles to say “these relationships matter, and the stories actually don’t make sense without them”. That’s all.

(Next time, if you like, we’re going to talk about historical fiction, and there will be lesbians.)

[dailydragon08]

Homecoming

Pairing: Luke Skywalker x F!Jedi!Reader   Summary: Although you're skilled in the ways of the Force and use that to your advantage in your medbay job, you always thought Luke Skywalker would be the one rescuing you, not the other way around. Warnings: reader gets shot with a blaster in the arm and leg, but injuries are not described in detail. Canon-typical violence. Reader has been separated from their family at age 10, but kept what exactly happened to them vague for self insert purposes. A/N:  "Remnants" is a series of one shots in no particular order about the budding relationship between you and Luke as he trains you in the ways of the Force. Remnants!Reader and Luke's first meeting. This is my first fic in a while and my first time writing action, so please bear with me! Hoping to get back into writing more frequently now. Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated and my Remnants masterlist can be found linked in my pinned post on my blog! Enjoy!

**

“Careful,” you said as you helped yet another rebel soldier onto the transport heading back to Home One, where you were typically stationed in medbay. But today, someone needed to be on the ground to give first aid to any critically wounded soldiers so they could survive the trip back to base—and that someone had been you. Not out of any obligation. But something felt like it had been pulling you to the dusty plains on-planet, and you were never one to refuse a call from the Force. 

A nearby explosion made you jump as the soldier ducked into the small ship. The pilot leaned out the door to shout over the racket, “You coming back as well?”

“I—” There it was again: the pull from this morning. The world stilled as you instinctively let yourself sink further into the Force. Time slowed and you were aware of all the souls on the battlefield, felt their fear, helplessness, rage, as particles of dirt and dust flew everywhere. They seemed to whiz by in slow motion so that you could see every facet of the tiny pieces of debris and in the middle of all the chaos, one particularly powerful presence about to knock on death’s door. They were close and felt different from the others—easier to grasp and hold onto. You’d felt this presence at rebel functions and on Home One before, and just like every time before, it somehow reached back until you were intertwined inexplicably before everything suddenly snapped back. 

“Um, hello?” the pilot waved his hand in front of your face. “You coming back or not?”

You blinked. “Sorry. No, I’m staying here.”

“This may be the last transport for a while.”

You felt the presence reach out to you again like a soft hand smoothing over your shoulder and shook your head. “No, I’m staying.”

Another boom and several screams echoed in the distance as he shrugged. “Your funeral.”

You barely waited for the ship’s door to close before tightening the strap of your medical bag and sprinting towards the source of the connection, trying to keep it as steady as possible through the Force. Of course, the one day you left your grandfather’s old lightsaber in your quarters was the day you might need it. Typically, it came with you everywhere, but it was left behind in your rush to play field doctor. Your parents had taught you what they knew of the Force before you’d been separated from them at age 10 and your savior and adoptive father, an old clone that had somehow escaped conversion during the Purge and joined the rebellion named Rex, took over your combat training. 

You weaved between the alleyways of abandoned stone houses in pursuit of your goal, hiding behind fallen objects and receiving cover from your comrades as Stormtroopers continued their assault. Although the emperor and Darth Vader were dead and the empire was fractured, small remnants remained here and there, trying to reorganize and reclaim power through their moffs’ and superior officers’ orders. 

A blaster shot grazed past your shoulder enough to tear through your jacket. You hissed through your teeth, but otherwise ignored it. The feeling of the presence reaching out through the Force, like a soft hand on your shoulder, came again. The touch was just as gentle, but came with a new sense of urgency, and you quickened your pace as the sounds of battle continued to ring around you. 

The presence grew in strength as you reached the end of the maze the neighborhood created. Just as you began to slow your pace so as not to run straight into a crossfire, a Stormtrooper jumped out from behind a nearby dumpster and pulled you down with him. You both writhed on the ground as he wrapped an arm around your neck and his legs around yours, boxing you in. You began rocking your body violently in an attempt to free yourself, managing to free an arm in just enough time to move his blaster away from your neck. He fired just as you moved, getting you at close range right in the calf. You cried out in pain, taking a deep breath before bringing your head forward, then whipping it back as hard as you could.

You winced as the trooper cried out, but didn’t indulge the pounding in your head as his arms fell to his sides. You stood, grabbing his blaster out of his hand and bringing the butt down hard on his helmet. He grunted before going limp. You nudged his foot with yours and when he didn’t move, held tight to the blaster and crouched by the opening to the plain ahead. 

Several crashed ships, dumpsters, and debris were scattered over the dirt with a large circle of Stormtroopers and Darktroopers nearby. The presence felt so close that you knew your quarry was in trouble in the middle of it. But this was away from the main fight, and the only other rebels that had been here before were all either unconscious or dead on the ground. 

A mechanical beeping nearby caught your attention and you looked just in time to see a Darktrooper round a fallen x-wing. You barely scrambled inside the lid of an overturned dumpster before it began shooting at you. You heard it thunk closer and held your blaster close to your chest. Another softer, more timid set of beeps and whistles sounded just in front of you. You jumped, pointing your blaster toward the sound only to find a little blue astromech wobbling on its legs in front of you. 

You breathed a sigh of relief as the Darktrooper continued to descend. You could feel the shots of its blaster shaking the dumpster and leaving searing holes you did your best to avoid. Turning to the astromech, you whispered, “You go around back and electrocute him while I distract him?”

The droid chirped before whizzing out of the dumpster, hugging the side closely. The Darktrooper was close enough now that you could hear the whirring of its ankle joints. You took a deep breath through your nose and blew it slowly out your mouth before squaring your shoulders and whipping around the corner, blaster at the ready. 

The imperial droid was barely inches from you as you raised your blaster toward its head. Before it could adjust its aim to shoot you, blue electricity engulfed its frame and it twitched and shook. You scampered back several steps as its head spun in circles, watching it fall to the ground with a solid thud to reveal the astromech. It chirped and beeped cheerfully before wiggling back and forth. 

You gave it a small smile and pat on the head. “Good work, buddy—whoa, hey.” A small claw shot out of the droid’s side and grabbed onto your jacket, slowly pulling you towards the x-wing and closer to the circle of imperials. 

“Is your master in that circle?”

The droid wiggled his body in what could’ve been a nod, but a Stormtrooper turned to face you before you could reach cover. “Hey! Over there!”

You cursed before diving behind the x-wing as the droid squealed in terror and sped after you. The ship provided decent cover for the moment as blaster shots rained down on you (and some even went far past you; typical Stormtroopers, but you weren’t complaining). 

“How are we gonna get out of this one?” you grumbled before peering around the x-wing. 

You groaned and pulled back as something small caught the sun's light and blinded you. You risked another look and saw a small, silver cylinder only a few feet away from you in the dirt: a lightsaber. You frowned. It certainly wasn’t yours. And the only other person you knew of in the rebellion who owned a lightsaber was—

Oh. Oh. Now you definitely had to save him. 

You turned to the droid beside you. “So that makes you R2?”

The astromech whirred excitedly and if the situation wasn’t so dire, you would’ve laughed at how it seemed proud and excited to be recognized. 

You glanced at the lightsaber on the ground again and saw half of the imperials coming towards you while the other half stayed closely huddled around a figure clad in black. Two Darktroopers kept a firm grip on his arms, twisting them behind his back before forcing him to his knees. You made eye contact and felt him reach for you again through the Force, this time with an urgent, unspoken plea to run while you still could. 

Closing your eyes, you tuned out R2’s urgent whistles to sink into the calming nature of the Force. You could feel the man’s presence even more clearly now and felt his fear—not for himself, but for you. Not just surprise, but a sort of awe and relief rolled through him in waves at finding someone who he could not only reach for, but who could reach back. You sensed he’d lived his whole life as if he was invisible in the Force and could watch the goings on, but never join. It was like constantly waving at passersby and having all hope squashed of someone ever waving back—until now. He seemed so elated to find someone like him that you were sure it affected his ability to withhold these strong feelings from your connection. You hadn’t even been properly introduced, but he was already cherishing your connection—and fearing whether you would survive long enough to be introduced. 

Focus. You honed in on the world around you and time again seemed to slow to a crawl. You locked all your concentration on the weapon in front of you, feeling the Dark and Stormtroopers’ feet move ever closer until they were only a few steps away from what might be your only saving grace. Grab the lightsaber! you thought you heard one shout. 

You remembered the Jedi phrase your parents taught you. “I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.” Taking one final deep breath, you let your hand leave the cover of the x-wing to reach towards Luke Skywalker’s weapon. 

R2 let out a started beep as the lightsaber zipped into your hand and you ignited the green blade. You took a split second to admire the detail on the hilt before slinging the blaster’s strap over your arm and stepping out into the fray. 

You easily batted the blaster fire away—just as you’d practiced for years with Rex and your grandfather’s lightsaber. Several of the shots successfully deflected into the troopers, sending them sprawling on the ground. R2 carefully zipped around the battlefield and incapacitated as many Darktroopers as possible, leaving you a clear shot to Luke. 

You slung the blaster off your shoulder and threw it as hard as you could, using the Force to guide the weapon onward. Dust that had kicked up from the fight made it hard to see, but you could sense precisely where everything was through the Force and used it as your guide. You slingshot the gun into the heads of the Darktroopers who were holding Luke hard enough to make them stumble and let go. He took his opportunity and grabbed the gun from where it fell as you continued to deflect fire and cut through armor and mechanics alike. 

Although you’d gotten plenty of Force training from your parents, which you’d continued via your grandfather’s journal after you’d been separated, and combat training from Rex, you’d never been in the thick of battle like this before. At least not fighting. You had shot and killed several Stormtroopers before, but always from a distance. Never like this—never close enough to hear their hiss of breath as they fell or the mechanical whirring of a Darktrooper malfunctioning. It was anxiety, relief, and guilt all at once, as well as anger toward the people who had made this conflict necessary in the first place. 

Again, you felt a cooling, calming presence wash over you, reminding you that everything would be all right, and you reached back just as gently, even as you both saw to the enemy. The green saber in your hands slashed through the closest Darktrooper, cleaving it straight in two before a low, mechanical growl sounded behind you. You spun, unsure if you could raise your defense in time, but a sudden blaster shot clean through the head rendered it useless. You stepped out of the way as it crashed to the ground. 

You urgently looked around, adrenaline pumping wildly, before realizing the only sound you could hear nearby was your own heavy breathing. All the troopers lay scattered on the ground around you with no more in sight who could pose a threat. You sheathed the saber’s blade, taking comfort in the soft whoosh it made, before closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing. In the sudden silence, a steady wind whistled across the plain. By force of habit, you reached out to check that Rex was safe and finally let yourself fully relax when you sensed that he was. 

The familiar presence reached out to you again, this time from just in front of you. Although this battle wasn’t the first time you’d sensed it, you’d never had a chance to feel just how strong and solid it was. It was light like air, but somehow also steady and unwavering, with a twinge of darkness but a steadfast choice not to give into it. Even though you’d just now really met, it had the comforting sense of coming home to an old friend and it was hard not to already feel a level of affection for him because of it. You could feel his affection and curiosity flowing back to you in equal measure. It made you almost afraid to open your eyes in case this homecoming within the Force was all a dream and would melt away. 

A warm, rough surface brushing against the back of your hand forced you to finally look. The hero of the rebellion stood in front of you, his fingers gently brushing the hand still holding his lightsaber. His eyes were even more blue than the sky above you, but somehow the icy color still held a warmth and concern unlike any you’d ever seen. He made himself so open and after all the stories about what he’d lost and how many imperials he killed, it was shocking in a way that made you want to protect him at all costs. His face, although worn and scarred, held so much depth and kindness and you wondered what kind of hell he’d gone through to come through war with so much love to give still—and you could sense exactly how much he still had in him through your bond, and how excited he was to maybe share some of that with the first Force-sensitive person his age. There was a weight to him, but it somehow felt settled, as if he’d accepted himself as he was and the heaviness as just another part of him. His signature held a bittersweet taste: half melancholy, half hope for a better future. 

It didn’t help your gawking that he was strikingly handsome—strong jaw with a jacket and pants that fit him like a glove and showed off his toned physique. Not to mention the actual glove on his right hand and the fact that he’d made sure to touch you with the uncovered one for skin-to-skin contact. The wind brushed his brown hair over his forehead and you couldn’t help but notice how tan his skin was and how calloused his hands were. You thought you remembered whisperings of the rebellion’s Boy Wonder who blew up the Death Star starting out as a clueless moisture farmer from Tatooine, but got too lost in the planes of his face to focus. 

“Are you all right?” he asked softly, his hand still gently brushing yours and pulling you back to the present. 

“Yeah,” you breathed out, surprised to sense him having a similar struggle through the Force. “Here’s your lightsaber back.”

He took it from your hand, letting his fingers linger against yours for what felt like a deliberately long moment before reattaching it to his belt. “Thank you for the help.”

“You seemed like you could use a rescue.”

He smiled and you had to remind yourself to breathe at the sight. “Yes, I got a bit caught off guard with the sheer number of them.”

R2 suddenly whirred and rolled over to stand by his master’s side, beeping excitedly. You both chuckled at his antics as Luke put a comforting hand on his dome. “I’m Luke—”

“Skywalker,” you finished. “I know.”

You regretted saying anything as he gave a stilted nod, suddenly bashful and very interested in his shoes. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s all right.” He met your eyes again and gave you a small smile. “You work in medbay, right? You’re Y/N?”

You tried your best to hide your elation that Luke Skywalker knew who you were, but he undoubtedly picked up on it through the Force. “Yeah, I was on field doctor duty today, but…felt you and that you needed help.”

“I felt you too…” he paused, seeming unsure, before continuing. “I think I’ve felt you several times throughout the war, actually, but could never put a finger on exactly what I was feeling. I guess I never realized another Force-sensitive would feel different to me than someone who isn’t—minus my masters, of course.” He hesitated again. “It…feels good to find someone else who knows the ways of the Force.”

Now it was your turn to inspect your shoes bashfully. “Yeah, it does for me, too.” As you felt the last of the adrenaline leave your body and your eyes landed on the blaster wound on your leg, pain suddenly came pounding to the surface, as did the graze on your shoulder. You weren’t sure how you’d managed to fight as well as you did with injuries, but adrenaline could be a funny thing. The burning, however, was not so funny. 

“Are you hurt?” Luke asked, closing the distance between you and gently touching your intact shoulder. You could feel fear stab through to color his Force signature as he frowned, following your eyes to your leg and wincing. 

“I’m all right—”

“Anywhere else?”

You sighed, somehow knowing you’d be unable to lie to him. “A shot grazed my arm, but I’m okay—”

“Here, um—” He paused as he looked around. “Where’s somewhere you can sit…”

R2 tittered as he dragged an overturned wooden crate over with his retractable claw. 

“Thanks, buddy,” you said as you flopped down harder than you meant to, moving your medical bag to sit on the ground next to you. You opened the flap and began to dig, but Luke’s hands, which dwarfed your own, stopped you.

“Please, let me—unless you’d prefer to do it?” 

His blue eyes were pleading as he stared up from where he’d crouched in front of you, leaving you unsure how anyone could say no to him. “Um, no, if you want to…” You gestured awkwardly to your bag. “Do you need me to talk you through it?”

He chuckled. “Oh no, I’ve had to do this for myself many times—I mean, you work in medbay though, so of course, if you’d prefer—”

“Um, no, you can go ahead.”

“You are the expert, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

You both stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before laughing and quickly looking elsewhere. As he dug through your supplies, you could see a slight pink tinting his cheeks, filing the image away deep in your mind. The fact that you, of all people, had made him blush felt like something to be proud of. 

As he cleaned and bandaged your leg and arm (you didn’t think it warranted a bandage, but he insisted), you told each other of your upbringings, stories from your time in the rebellion, and even sat there for several minutes after the dressings were completed to talk about hobbies and music preferences before your wrist comm beeped. 

“All right there, soldier?” Rex’s voice floated through the speakers. 

“Yeah,” you answered back. “Minor injuries, but I’m fine. I’m with Commander Skywalker and R2-D2.”

“Skywalker?” Rex asked, his voice cracking slightly. 

“Y-yeah?” You frowned at Luke, but he simply shrugged, looking just as confused. 

Rex cleared his throat. “Ah, well, good. The final transport just landed for stragglers. Can you make it here, or need us to come pick you up?”

“I think I’m good to walk.”

Luke gave you a look and although you realized you were looking at your superior, you couldn’t help pulling a face, using your forefinger to pull the tip of your nose up to show him just what you thought of that. He snorted and seemed surprised by the sound that came out of his own mouth, turning his head to smother his laugh as Rex gave you the coordinates. 

“We should be there in 10-15 minutes tops.”

“Copy that, kiddo. See you soon.”

R2 twittered next to you. 

Luke chuckled. “He says you can ride him back to the ship if you want.”

You smiled, but shook your head. “It’s not too bad. I’ll be fine, but thanks, R2.”

Luke helped you stand, keeping his hands on your upper arms to steady you.

You swallowed nervously. “I know you technically are a commander, so sorry if any of that,” you gestured vaguely towards where you’d been sitting, “was, um, out of line or anything.”

Luke’s face fell and he shook his head, rubbing your arms gently. “No, no, please. We’re Jedi. We have to stick together. There’s no rank here.”

“Well, I mean, I’m not technically a Jedi.”

“I could teach you if you’d like. It seems like you have some to teach me as well.”

You smiled and nodded. “I’d like that.”

He sighed in relief, as if he thought you might refuse. “Promise you’ll lean on me if your leg gets to be too much on the way back?”

You nodded, hoping you didn’t appear too smitten as he stayed close and kept a hand on the small of your back the entire walk back to the ship.

[emilykaldwen]

The Maiden and the Drowning Boy | Aegon x OC | Chapter Five

Rating: Explicit Ships: Aegon II Targaryen x Abrogail Strong (Lyonel Strong's Daughter), Jacaerys Velaryon x Helaena Targaryen

Summary: As the kingdom teeters on the edge of chaos, Alicent Hightower swaps the pieces on the board: Aegon will marry Abrogail Strong, Larys’ younger sister and heir to Harrenhal. Caught in the web of intrigue and political machinations, the pair must figure out where their loyalties lie, and what they mean to one another.

Tropes: Childhood Sweethearts/Friends to Lovers, Generational Trauma and Cycles of Abuse, It's All About the Character Development, Unreliable Narrators, Multi-POV, Canon Divergent, Bisexual Aegon II Targaryen, Book/Show Mash Up, Fix-It Of Sorts, Stopping the Cycle of Abuse before it gets us all killed, Team Neutral, fairy tale vibes meets victorian medievalism meets grrm

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Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four

CHAPTER FIVE - PAIN IN MY HEART

Some time has passed for the dust to settle in the wake of the betrothal, unshed tears, and attempts at fratricide. Aegon and Abby begin adjusting to the new state of things and Alicent begins to show her hand. Mommy issues abound for all.

The maester's hands were cold and uncomfortable as they examined him, searching for sores and whatever the fuck else he rattled on about as he came entirely too close to his person. Aegon's fists clenched at his sides, his head tilted back so he had no chance of catching sight of the grizzled head below him, bobbing around his cock. It would certainly ruin any pleasure that he would ever experience again.

It was too damn early for this. The sun was still creeping over the walls of the Keep, not even past the early morning. Dreadful.

"No unsightly marks, your Grace," the man affirmed. "Ensure that any pleasure house you visit keeps clean quarters, and you should be safe from giving illness to your Lady wife."

His Lady wife. He saw the smile that graced her features, the spray of freckles along her nose and cheeks. Her bright eyes were blue as the sky he found escape in, and her cascade of sunset curls were his. Every bit of her would belong to him in a few moons. Cool hands that tempered his fevered skin would touch him without a barrier. The soft pout of her heart-shaped mouth pressed open by his thumb-

"I don’t need guidance on spreading illness to my wife when I visit her bed. I’m more concerned about avoiding having my cock fall off," he snapped defensively, yanking his trousers up as soon as the maester pulled away, not wanting the stirring from where his thoughts had been wandering to manifest in front of his current company. Ser Criston was on the other side of the low partition and Aegon did not need to meet his gaze to know that he was being examined and judged and found wanting.

Aegon could barely resist mouthing the words that followed, for they were as familiar as his mother's prayers. "Every woman is an image of the Mother and should be treated with respect," Cole reminded him with a level voice. Aegon knew it, as intimately as his mother's judgment, that the man was disappointed; disappointed in his inability to be better in the training yard, and his inability to keep his cock in check.

For as long as Aegon could remember, Ser Criston Cole had been by his mother’s side and by extension, that of him and his siblings. While Viserys (he could never think of the rotting king as his father, only Sire, for all that the word entailed) had noticed him in Aegon’s earliest memories, telling him how he would tame a dragon one day, and regaling his young self with stories of the Black Dread, it was Criston who came to his mind when one asked or spoke about father. Just as he desired to keep and then win back his mother’s affection, lost to time as it had been, he felt the same with the man who was currently judging him like the Father and Warrior themselves. Once, Cole had seemed heartened by Aegon’s natural talent with a blade and his hunger to prove himself in the training yard, especially in the face of Rhaenyra’s growing brood of dark haired brats. It hadn’t hurt as much then, the lessons. The weight had not come upon him all at once. It was a slow build. Stone by stone, they pressed down on his shoulders, with each turn of the moon until he struggled beneath the weight of the expectation.

His mother’s growing paranoia and panic with each new son born to his sister, and what Aegon suspected was pressure from outside sources, left his cheeks mottled pink and red from her hands and the bite of her nails on his shoulders. It left him sensitive to raised voices and sudden movements. It left him pretending to be more in his cups than he was, if only to keep watch of what went on around him, what people said, what someone might do to him. Then came the times when he was beyond caring of his fate and hoping some percent oblivion might be found beyond the next bottle.

Cole’s growing shift in praise to Aemond and his increasing barbs for Aegon to pay attention and how a warrior and a prince did not prowl after the ladies and the serving maids poured salt on the growing wounds his mother gouged.

“A man saves himself to perform his husbandly duties,” he’d said when catching him in the hall with his tongue down Lady Melia’s throat when he was three and ten. The older girl had been dismissed from his mother’s service within days of the event.

Ser Harrold had told him that he should not force himself on a lady, that a good and honorable man does not use his power as an advantage over young lasses. A good and honorable man treats them with respect. “A man denies the temptation to sully himself for one night for a simple promise or a hope of a dream,” he’d said when Aegon had been dragged back from the Street of Silk, soaked to the bone from the rainstorm, and bruised and beaten from the paramour of the woman who’d lured him in. He’d been five and ten. She had been the daughter of a merchant, sharp and lovely with brown ringlets that frizzed in the heat. Aegon thought she loved him, or at the very least, desired him enough that maybe he could run away from everything that hurt. Maybe, with this other woman and her dark curling hair, he could forget how beautiful Abby looked laughing beneath the dappled sunlight of the weirwood tree, for surely he would never be allowed to have her. She would be sent away, meant for someone else because he was a growing disappointment and do you not see how Aemond applies himself? Why is it so difficult for you?

Ser Harwin had sat him, Aemond, and Jace down one afternoon after coming upon them doing something ridiculous in the garden. He couldn’t remember if it was because he had pulled Abby’s hair, or the fact that Aemond and Jace had been fighting over something - a toy or some such nonsense. He’d said that when you found the perfect someone, you would make a deal with the seven devils if you had to, to be with them. And that it was always worth it.

“Women and young ladies are not here for such earthly pleasures. They are all that is pure and good in the world, and are ruined beyond measure when they fall into the depths of pleasures of the flesh. Every woman is the image of the Mother, and every young girl the Maiden herself. Protected and unsullied,” Criston said when Aegon had come bounding to him, barely ten years of age, flushed and with bubbling nerves and excitement in his belly. He’d asked if Abby kissing his cheek meant that she loved him. “Do you think Mother would let me marry her if I asked?’” For she was his Rhaenys, and Cole knew his mother better than anyone in the world.

‘Always with the Mother,’ Aegon thought, feeling as if the cascading shadow of the Seven-Pointed Star shone on him now. ‘Always with the Mother, and every girl an image of the Maiden, so thank you so much for that.’

The smile Aegon turned on the Kingsguard was deceptively innocent, dimpled cheeks and all. "Funny, pretty sure the two I fucked the other night would have my queenly mother scream in terror and bar herself in the sept."

Now Ser Criston wasn't even trying to hide the look of judgment on his oh so perfect face. Aegon snatched his tunic off the partition and shoved his arms through. "Is she going to keep me under house arrest until the tourney? The wedding? Lock me in a tower like a maiden in a song?"

"Your mother could have married you to the princess."

Aegon felt a curl of nausea in his stomach at the thought of bedding his sweet sister, regardless of the custom of his forefathers. "And make dear little Aemond a kinslayer? I would not survive long enough to make it to the sept."

"Or she could decide to marry Lady Abrogail to your brother."

“And we’re back to Aemond kinslaying, or worse, to get himself out of a marriage he never asked for. Not with our sweet sister right there and ripe for the taking.” It mattered little to Aemond that it was becoming increasingly obvious to anyone who cared to look that Helaena’s affections had withered, that, in truth, they had really never been what their little brother thought they were. Aegon scoffed. “It puts us all back in the same boat." His gaze flitted to meet the knight's through the mess of hair hanging in his eyes. "Me miserable and alone, or dead. Such love you hold for me. Not to mention, how cruel of you to flaunt my betrothed’s narrowly avoided demise to prove a point." His waspish tone didn’t feel like enough to banish the pressure of unease that settled inside Aegon’s chest at the thought of harm befalling Abby, poor point or not.

Such love and regard his family held for him, while screaming that he was to be king. Expecting one thing from him, and something he didn't want.

At least we like one another. That counts for something, doesn't it, Aegon?

But it didn’t count, did it? Liking had nothing to do with what he wanted. He didn’t want the neglect and cruelty within his parents’ marriage. He didn’t want Abby to simply like him.

Aegon lifted his wrist to adjust the cuff of his sleeve and hissed softly when the fabric dragged over the healing scratches Abby had left. He instinctively pressed his mouth against the injury to soothe it before doing the clasp. So rarely did Abby’s teeth bite at him, and there was something satisfying and pleasing at the reminder of it.

Unlike Cole, who continued to speak to him as if he were a child, as if he were some squire or recruit. Sometimes Aegon felt as if the knight treated him no better than a troublesome hound. As if the man were his true father, thinking it his right to speak to him in the same tone he already heard from his mother. This man was Kingsguard, his mother’s sworn shield, and if they were so hellbent on making him king one day, Cole would answer to him. Perhaps he should remind Cole of that more often.

"You didn't answer my question, Ser Criston." Still waspish, his tone grew firmer. He might not be king yet, but Aegon was a Prince of House Targaryen, one of his father’s heirs, and a dragonrider - no mere mortal man, not a backwater soldier from who knows where.

Cole watched him steadily, the muscle in his jaw ticking before averting his eyes "Not so much locked in a tower, but confined to the Keep, my prince.” Cole spoke as if the proper etiquette physically pained him and Aegon smirked, humming softly. “You may go to the Dragonpit, escorted, but should you try anything, your mother has ordered that we bar you from it."

Something ugly curled in his chest and he barked out a laugh as he pushed open the door and headed out. "Cruel woman." It almost impressed him. Only once had they ever barred him from Sunfyre, and it was when he thought, after several cups, that going riding was the best idea ever. He still thought it was. His mother? Not so much.

He still had the scars from her nails along his elbow. A half crescent around the joint like a bite mark.

Cole was not far behind, and he glanced sidelong at the man. "Is there a schedule now? Classes with Aemond and his favorite maester? How lovely to be shown up by him in another arena."

"Well, that's why you're going to the yard. Your… everything could use some work. And it'll be a good release for you, since you're under confinement."

They had confined Mother for three moons before she had Daeron. Seven hells, he and Abby were going to have to have children. He was supposed to sire heirs and be a father, and his father was utter shit. But making heirs wouldn't be so bad?

A clap on his shoulder jogged him back to attention. "Physical exertion helps."

Aegon sneered. "Says a man who doesn't fuck. You can't trust a man who doesn't fuck, with only his own hand for company." He made a lewd stroking gesture before miming a spray of victory.

"Says a man who was once seven and ten," Ser Criston corrected, and Aegon rolled his eyes. His point still stood. Fucker never gave into the bait that he laid for him. Aegon still felt annoyed, although he acknowledged it deserved some respect.

As they reached the training yard, his eyes still bleary with sleep and the lingering headache, the coil of tension in his chest eased. Aemond was not alone, making the impending humiliation more bearable. Helaena may cheer for every time he'd get whipped in the yard, but there was no malice in his sweet sister.

"Good morning!" Helaena sang, her voice like a bell bouncing off the worn red brick of the yard, and she waved excitedly at him and Ser Criston. "It's been so long since I've seen you with a sword."

Sweet, supportive sister.

Aegon peered into the basket she was holding, snatching a piece of gingerbread. "Wine?" he asked with a hopeful look.

"Mother says you're to dry out so that you stop sweating wine." Aemond's tone was neutral, but his sly little smirk - what Mother would call sweet innocence - was all that he needed to provide.

"Does she not care to witness her son's humiliation that she ordered by her own queenly command?" His voice was light as he pulled on his padded coat over his tunic. At least Ser Criston was letting him ease back into things. No need to cut him and have him grow leprous the way their father had. He felt a vague dread at his siblings' pitying glances. He yanked at the strap on his tunic as Aemond moved towards the ring, twirling his wooden sword in hand.

His brother had long moved to live steel and Aegon's bitterness was acrid in the back of his throat. Or maybe it was just the lingering effects of the wine. He grimaced at the weight of the practice sword in hand and reached for a second one. It had been months since he'd dragged himself to the training yard. When Aemond lost his eye, he threw himself into the blade, and Aegon felt overshadowed as his brother earned admiration and love for something he was supposed to excel at. The presence of Daeron would worsen the situation, but it might shame Aemond with him before the shining little star.

"Alright, let's warm up. Aemond, what we did yesterday. You," Ser Criston pressed the tip of his own wooden sword - a toy in the hand of a Kingsguard and the Queen's sworn protector - into Aegon's chest, “You surely remember how this goes, right? It's been some time. Mayhaps you'd like to start off with only one, my prince?"

The taste of bile continued in the back of Aegon's throat. This man might be the closest thing he had to a father, no matter how he rejected it. Ser Criston Cole was there, without his gleaming Kingsguard armor, and he spoke to him in the same holier than thou tone he would to Ser Harwin Strong.

“Breakbones.” Ser Criston's voice would drip in sharp venom. Breakbones to the man who he'd witnessed act with kindness to his little sister, who had inquired to his well being when Aegon had been hacking away at the practice dummy until splinters of his sword had embedded into his palms. Who'd pressed a cup of cold water in his hands and simply sat with him as he desperately tried to catch his breath.

Aegon felt the muscle in his jaw tense and jump, his ears burning with a feeling that he would not acknowledge. It was the wine. The hangover. Nothing more. Aegon used his left sword to knock Ser Criston's away and the man let him with a smirk.

He should apologize.

He should ask Abby how she truly felt. He should ask her why she had gotten so upset when he laughed. He should… do a lot of things. Aemond was probably right, insufferable as always, despite his lack of understanding when it came to their sister.

Riding. He would take her riding, Aegon decided, while his man set out fresh clothes and his riding leathers. He scrubbed the sweat off the back of his neck and concocted his plan. Yes, he'd pack a basket of wine - no, cider, Abrogail preferred cider, but he preferred wine. So, a sweet wine. Yes. Perfect. There certainly would be cakes in the kitchens, and they would picnic beneath the afternoon sun in the Kingswood. By the lake, he thought, tugging the loose, bleached linen shirt over his head and shoving his legs into his trousers. Black wool for warmth and leather along the inside of the thighs for strength. The lake where they'd played as children would be perfect.

The last time, they'd played capture-the-treasure, during Rhaenyra's nameday before she'd left for Dragonstone. Helaena refused to be the princess, so Abrogail took her place and had been quite the quarry. She'd called Jace and Luke for help and he had to fight them off until Aemond and Helaena showed up.

Aegon paused as he pulled his hair back from his face. Maybe he should get her something. Girls liked trinkets and pretty things. It always excited Helaena when Aemond brought her bugs and flowers. A frustrated sigh and he grabbed his jacket. "Where's my sister and her ladies?" he asked his man, who'd been tossing the used water out the window.

"With her Grace, your mother, my prince," he said with a bow.

He winced. With his mother. Aegon wondered if he should ask if Lady Abrogail was there, but Abby was always with Helaena.

The path to his mother's room was an achingly familiar one, and the knots in his stomach were frustrating and unpleasant. Why did she have to be with his mother? She'd been angry about the fight, and Aegon had been doing his best to avoid her while Aemond sported the worst of the bruises. Laughter echoed down the hall when he made the turn towards her chambers, and he flexed his hand, wiping it along his thigh. Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

"You are close enough to my size, but I do not think this suits you for a wedding," came Mother's voice, through the half-open door. Thoughtful, critical, but not bad-critical. "Turn? I don't think this shade of red goes well with you."

"The curse of red hair," was Abby's reply, light and agreeable as always. "It's a beautiful dress, your Grace, but should this not be for Helaena?"

"I don't like it," came her sister's complaint. "It feels like it wants to hook into my arms. Oh! Hello Aegon!" she called, and he realized they caught him before he could even announce his entrance.

He wondered if Helaena knew he was coming.

Mother's room was full of afternoon light streaming through the southern facing windows. Helaena sat on the couch facing towards him, running her fingers through an assortment of brightly colored ribbons in her lap. Mother stood by the window, speaking to the woman who knelt at her feet, adjusting the hem of the dress that Abby wore. She stood on the stool in front of the mirror, and from where he stood in the doorway, he had the perfect view of her reflection.

The red of her curls glowed almost as gold as Sunfyre's scales where the sun caught them unbound down her back. Abby smiled uncertainly as she gazed at her reflection, her hands on the golden dragon decorations on her shoulders. She wore a cream dress with deep Targaryen red slashes in the back of the skirt and long tapered sleeves lined in the same blood crimson.

Aegon's mouth went dry at the sight of her, and the way her eyes widened when she looked towards him over her shoulder. As his mother turned to look at him also, he tried to school his appreciating expression to one that wouldn’t get him scolded and thrown out. Abby’s face was one of surprise, his mother's expression one of exasperation.

"I…" He couldn't speak. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he wiped his hand on his thigh again. The twisting sensation in his gut moved lower, familiarly, and he shifted his jacket in front of him.

"Ser Criston tells me you performed well in the training yard this morning," his mother said, and the exasperation turned… into a smile. Not a large one, but a genuine smile all the same.

"Did he?" Abby asked, looking at his mother, then she positively beamed at him, which wasn’t what he expected after the way things ended in the garden a fortnight ago. "Well done! Did you use both swords today, or just the one?"

Aegon swallowed and felt the blood rush to his cock and to his cheeks. "Just the one. The one sword." Not quite a lie, as his dual swords did not last very long. Why did he sound like that? High pitched and voice cracking as if he were a kitling like Aemond. "I don't think Ser Criston wanted to face me with both, no matter how rusty I am." He cleared his throat, rocked on his feet. "Need to lull him into a false sense of security. Underestimate. Your opponent, I mean."

Helaena giggled.

Aegon's cheeks flamed hotter.

"Well," his mother stared at him, and it really did nothing to dissuade the discomfort in his trousers. "I'm very glad to hear that. Was there something you needed?"

‘Her. I need her.’ Aegon didn’t know how to voice the prayer.

"I… I was just letting… I'm going riding. On Sunfyre. I'll be back by supper." His voice didn't crack again, and he got all the words out. Huzzah.

"Oh! Abby's outgrown my old riding clothes," Helaena said with such excessive delight that Aegon wanted to throttle her. "We should also have new ones made for her. Perhaps they could match Aegon's!" His sister's bright eyes met his, and he could sense the mischief radiating off her. "You could leave your jacket, wear your spare today."

Aegon took everything back. He hated his sister.

"That's a good idea, but Aegon doesn't need to leave anything," Mother mercifully cut in. "Enjoy your riding, Aegon."

"Have a wonderful ride, Aegon," Abby echoed, averting her eyes and turning back to the mirror.

"Are the rooms prepared for Lord Tully and his retinue?" the Queen asked Lady Fossoway, who sat across the table with parchment scattered across the blue and green tablecloth. Abrogail took her seat on the other end of the Queen's settee, the elder woman sparing her a glance and a small smile of greeting.

"Yes, your Grace. Lord Tully and the Lords Bracken and Blackwood will have rooms within the South Tower," Lady Fossoway confirmed. "Lord Vance will join them, and Ser Simon Strong will meet with their party when they reach Harrentown."

"Uncle Simon's coming?" Abrogail broke in. Lady Fossoway's green eyes flicked up to her and Abrogail felt as if she should apologize for speaking out of turn. The words caught in her throat and she broke the lady's gaze to look at the Queen, who was watching the exchange with an unreadable expression in her dark eyes. Something in it felt like a test, and so Abrogail continued. "Larys said that Uncle Simon would relay to Aegon and I about the current state of Harrenhal and where we might start."

She almost said where Aegon might start, but Abrogail understood that in running a lord's holding, both husband and wife had their duties. Queen Alicent sat on the Small Council, and she knew from stories that her own lady mother had run Harrenhal before they joined her father in the capital.

"Yes, he'll be staying with us through the tourney, so that the pair of you may be better acquainted," the Queen confirmed and Lady Fossoway's eyes averted back to the parchments. "Abrogail, I'd like you to join me in the small council as our cupbearer."

Lady Fossoway's gaze rose again, only just.

"Shouldn't…" Confusion overtook her previous uncertainty. "Shouldn't that be for Aegon, or Helaena, or even Aemond?" Or Jacaerys, she thought, but did not say.

"Aemond will also serve. The two of you will take turns, but I want you to have the experience before you leave for the Riverlands. Della, Lord Grover's maester, has requested a meeting with Grandmaester Mellos to see about the ailments he's having. Make sure he tends to him. Can't have him dying beneath our roof." Clipped tones, matter of fact, one item after another.

They passed a parchment to her, and Abrogail took it. A list of ladies and houses filled the page. Alerie Blackbar, Wylla Karstark, even Allana Tyrell and Josana Lannister. She even saw the names of the Blackwood girls as she scanned down the page. "You and Helaena will each take a Baratheon into your circles, and then between you both, you can find which of these ladies will be appropriate for your needs." The Queen continued to speak to another of her ladies who had just come in and Abrogail took a deep breath, fingers wrinkling the edges of the page.

"Aegon should do it," she said in a rush, and the gazes of the three women now gathered around her turned to look. Abby took a deep breath and licked her lips.

Marrying Aegon makes me a princess, she thought. And she wants to make him King, and I'll be his Queen.

"With respect, I am grateful for the opportunity, but Aegon should be cupbearer before we leave. It would be prudent for him to understand the workings of the council, especially since he shall be in the position of vassal in the future." Vassal to his elder sister. To speak otherwise would be treason, even among this circle.

The Queen’s large, brown eyes watched her for a long moment and Abrogail did all she could not to shrink away from it. There was something deeply unsettling about it, as if she saw something weak inside her that she wanted to sink her teeth into at worst, or at best, bat around like a lazy cat to see what Abrogail might do. The watchful gaze felt like it lasted for eternity before the Queen finally lifted a hand towards her ladies in dismissal. The women quickly moved and Lady Fossoway shut the door, leaving Abrogail with Alicent Hightower and the anxiety at speaking up threatening to suffocate her.

"You are a good girl, aren't you?" she said after a long exhale that did not quite ease the tension riddled line of her shoulders. The Queen reached out and her cool fingers tucked Abrogail's hair behind her ear. Her curls hung free down her back, a simple twist on either side of her head keeping them from getting in the way.

The Queen was beautiful, as she always was, with her auburn curls pulled back with tendrils loose around her face, untouched by gray. Beautiful, and ever melancholy. Even when she smiled, it did not wipe away the shadow that lingered along her regal features.

Abrogail would never speak it aloud, but the Queen and Aegon looked more alike every day, and it broke her heart.

She did not answer, and one did not appear to be expected of her. The knuckles of the Queen's hand traced along the curve of Abby's cheek and instinct compelled her to reach up and take the woman's hand in her own to hold. No different from what she might do with the others, even if it was stepping over a boundary that she wasn’t supposed to cross. There was pain in the woman's eyes that hurt to see, for the Queen, for Alicent Hightower, was the closest thing that Abrogail had left to a mother anymore.

An almost child she might be, but Abrogail was under no illusion that she was as important to the Queen and the Hand as if she were a true child of the crown. There was no one left for that, and so, she would do all that she could to be valuable.

"I am merely a reflection of the lessons and values you've instilled in me, your Grace," Abrogail said, fingers squeezing the Queen's hand. "I want to make you proud, and to not dishonor you, especially now that I am to be your good-daughter."

"A daughter," came the swift correction that had Abrogail looking up with surprise. "You are like one of my own children. I have watched you grow the same as them. The only difference is I don't have to worry about you the way I do them, now do I?" The Queen extracted her hand and Abrogail folded hers in her lap. "You are a wonderful influence, and I am ever grateful."

“Always smiling, it warms my heart in these trying times, a stór,” her papa would tell her when Mama was sick. Never stop.

So she didn't.

"Forgive a mother for her inclinations," the Queen continued. "I understand that the decision made has changed everything for you and it's not a simple thing. This is one of those events in our lives that we as women must endure, and we must make do." The Queen paused, looking away, and Abrogail watched the Queen's fingers twist, fingers picking at her thumbnail. “Aegon is certainly not whom you imagined. I never thought I would marry the King. I was young and thought I might marry a Tyrell, or perhaps a Tarth. Knights of flowers and charm."

Something cold settled in Abrogail's stomach. It was an unsettling and familiar sensation, one that ran through her veins when they stood as witness to Aegon's tongue lashings, the sharp crack of a hand. Sometimes there would be the thunderous threat of warning when the Lord Hand was giving it, for he would raise a hand to Aegon and Aemond both.

She'd noticed the Queen flinching during those moments, a pale look of dread on the woman's face in the presence of her father.

"My apologies, your Grace," Abrogail spoke softly, mouth turned into an uncertain, her brow furrowing. "I don't quite understand what you mean."

She wanted to hear Aegon's mother say it.

The Queen reached out to take both of her hands and held them tightly, thumbs rubbing soothing strokes along the back of Abrogail's palms. Brown eyes glistened with unshed tears, a softness to the Queen's features that reminded Abrogail of Aegon and a faint memory of her own mother.

"Aegon refuses to listen to me. He’s out of control. He is determined to flaunt every privilege granted to him, every opportunity we set before him." When the Queen took a shuddering inhale, it felt as if she was drawing the air from Abrogail's lungs to sustain herself. "He's like Rhaenyra in that way, but she was eager to serve the King on his council. Aegon, sadly, lacks the same ambition she has. Fortunately, you and I, my dearest, are very much alike. Therefore, I've asked you to serve, not him."

Abrogail's gaze followed the Queen's fingers as they held hers, unable to face the hurtful expression in her eyes. She thought of Aegon vomiting in the bushes after he dragged her from the Hand's tower. He clutched at her like demons from the hells would reach up and tear them apart. Even when he’d hurt her the way he had, unintentional as she was sure it was, Abrogail couldn’t hate him.

Slowly, she extracted her hands from the queen and leaned back to put some distance between them. Teeth caught at her lower lip as she tried to find her words.

‘I am to be his wife, and that is a sacred thing,’ she thought. It didn't matter if they were Lord and Lady, or King and Queen. They would be Aegon and Abrogail, married beneath the eyes of the Old Gods and the New, and like the example shown by the Queen, Abrogail would stand by Aegon through whatever trials awaited.

The promise was made years ago in the cold room at Driftmark, while she cut his long curls with embroidery scissors and he wept for his brother and cursed his father.

"You've watched us our whole lives. You’ve borne witness to the games we've played, the companionship and trust that we've built, and yet you feel you must apologize to me?" Her voice wavered, but her posture was strong, and she held the Queen's gaze. "I know Aegon. I've known him my whole life and while maybe we aren't as close as we once were, I know these good things are still there."

Abrogail remained steadfast and silent, hoping the Queen would understand Aegon was not a punishment. Despite everything, she knew that the kind boy she had known was still there, and she was confident that she could help him find his way back. She wouldn't have to spend her nights wondering if news of Aegon's death in Flea Bottom would reach her by morning.

"Abrogail, your heart is gentle, but your fond memories do not erase the egregious things he does now. Not his drinking, his lechery, his bad habits. But, if we work together - you, me, and your Uncle Otto? We can shape him into the king that he needs to be. That takes trust, my dear child." With each word out of the Queen's mouth, Abrogail's heart fell, and a mournful understanding took root inside her chest. "We do not leave you to handle Aegon on your own. You tell me everything, and we'll handle it. Do you understand, my sweet Abrogail?"

Did she understand everything, sweet girl that she was?

Sweet girl. Darling girl. Dearest Abrogail. Sweet Abrogail. Little Maiden Marchpane, sweet as honey, and so easily devoured.

Mo stór beag, Papa would call her, the River tongue rolling off him as easily as common. My little treasure.

The loud sound of the door opening broke the silence, boots scraping across the stone floor, and both of them jumped at the suddenness of it. Aegon entered silently, his jaw tight, lips pursed, and hair disheveled.

"Aegon," she said, her voice lilting, immediately drawing back from the Queen, feeling an easing sensation in her chest that chased away the cold. Abby smiled while the queen frowned at the intrusion.

She watched him move, glancing between them, and Abby stood up, fingers smoothing the pale blue and gold silk of her gown. She wondered if she still had to curtsey to him now that they were engaged; Aegon was apathetic about such things, while the Queen was not.

At the moment, Queen Alicent's thoughts were irrelevant to her. Despite still feeling heartsore from the morning in the gardens, Abby smiled at Aegon. It was not a bright one, but it was there all the same, and focused on him.

Aegon seemed confused, then his face softened as he searched her face for something she didn't understand. He then turned his gaze to his mother. "Abby's coming with me this afternoon," he said with no sort of greeting except the clearing of his throat. "We're going riding. We'll be back before nightfall."

The command of it all brought a flush to Abby’s cheeks, and she cast her eyes to the ground to avoid the piercing look the Queen was giving them both. It was a complicated feeling that tumbled inside of her chest; she was still hurt, though the bruise on her arm from where he’d grabbed her had faded. In truth, Abby was still sour about it all, but in the wake of the conversation and the Queen’s request, in the aftermath of her frustration and distaste for her son, and her own insistence of Aegon being given a place to serve and not her, she felt protective of him - gentled towards Aegon. And it was a feeling that was most certainly helped by the way he simply walked into his mother’s room to state "Abby’s coming with me." There was no asking for permission, nor even a greeting to his mother. She wondered if it was nerves, she wondered if he had seen something in her expression that spurred it.

Abby knew though that she didn’t have to wonder at her answer to it.

"Abrogail is assisting me with the arrangements for the tournament, Aegon. Perhaps you should find Aemond. I believe he's still training in the yard with Ser Criston," the Queen said, indulgent but firm in her tone.

Abby's mind was racing as she swallowed nervously. "Your Grace, I apologize, but Aegon and I had already planned to ride." She looked at the Queen with her eyes demure, a curtsy dropped, the lie flowing from her so easily she could not believe herself. "I’ll take the time to pry his mind for things he'd like at the feast."

As Abby moved, Aegon's gaze shifted from his mother to her, making her stomach tighten. It reminded her of the look on his face in the fountain beneath the weeping cherry tree. Her hand reached out for him and she bobbed another graceful curtsy to the Queen. "Your Grace," she murmured. It was her turn to pull him out of the suffocating room and Aegon’s huff of surprised laughter made her grin.

[Chapter Six]

[pikapeppa]

Year-End Writer's Round-Up: 2023

It’s that time of year, writer friends — time to take stock of what we’ve been up to this year! Tagging to literally ANY AND ALL WRITERS who would like to participate, but I’ll throw down some tags from the top of my head: @contrivedchaos @jadefyre @kittynomsdeplume @iamcayc @hollyand-writes @elveny @johaerys-writes @crackinglamb @mogwaei @alyssalenko @about2dance @cthu-boo @chloefraazers @fogsblue @lordofthenerds97, join in if you fancy!! If you're not a smut writer, feel free to leave out those stats, and feel free to add any accomplishments and "metrics" that are significant to you! 🥰

(Blank template at the bottom for convenience!)

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!!): 999 496 — ARGH IT WAS SO CLOSE TO A COOL MILLION. I did this calculation on the evening of Dec 31 and I was like DAMMIT I NEED TO WRITE A DRABBLE LMAO. 😂🙈 Honestly, I’m surprised the word count was so high this year — I could have sworn my word count had dropped because I wrote very little for a few weeks after BG3 first came out LMAO!

Smut scenes: 42 — I've done better LOL. I’ll blame the slow-burn BG3 ships I’m working on currently. 😂

New things I tried:

I started dabbling in M/M smut this year, in the context of my beloved Horizon F/M/M polycules (Aloy/Drakka with either Kotallo or Nil). Usually when I write F/M/M threesomes, the focus is on the men pleasing the lucky lady of the group, but I headcanon Drakka in particular as being very unapologetically bi, so it’s only fair and right that he get some sweet M/M action. I’m looking forward to putting this M/M practice use on Halsin/Tav/Astarion when my BG3 writing finally gets to that point! 

This was also the first time that I wrote an AU where I gleefully yeeted the canon deaths LMAO. I’m usually a stickler for adhering to significant plot points including character deaths, but the dastardly and darling @iamcayc nudged me into writing Here Come the Dreams, where Varl and Fashav both get to live, and it was a total delight to keep those darling men alive and happy. 

I wrote a smut scene in first-person POV for the first time, using the adorable voice of Karlach from BG3. This was a particularly interesting challenge because I feel that the first-person voice calls for a more urgent in-the-moment kind of narration, which means that I had to alter my usual way of writing smut in terms of phrasing/wording and pacing, so it was a fun challenge! 

With Astarion/Tav/Halsin, this is my first time writing an OC who falls in love simultaneously with two people, and it’s been… interesting trying to negotiate the polycule coming together. Of course I had to get enamoured with (arguably) the two most emotionally complicated male LIs in BG3 and make my own life difficult, LMAO. I’ve been struggling a little with bringing the relationships together and it’s been slowing my writing down over the past month or two, but I’m trucking on because I love both Halsin and Astarion and I really do believe in the dynamics of the OT3. SILVANUS GUIDE MY HAND AS I FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT.

Fic I spent the most time on: 

Even The Hardiest Desert Blooms! I really sank my focus into my beloved Desert boy this year and wrapped up his fic, which is always a bittersweet feeling when you adore the pairing. 😭

Fic I spent the least time on:

Burning Blue (Karlach/Dammon). I was bitten by a sudden bug of adoration for them, and that piece basically came together in a day and a half because I was on fire to get it out. I LOVE THIS PAIRING SO MUCH. 😭🔥

Favourite thing I wrote: 

Even The Hardiest Desert Blooms has always been my self-indulgent pleasure because I just love Drakka to the moon and back, so focusing a lot of this year on his fic was a treat. But Here Come the Dreams was also an enormously fun project because I just went ham and hyperfocused on it for a month and a half. I really wanted to see if I could finish it in a month just for shits and giggles, but AS ALWAYS it ended up being longer than anticipated so I didn’t meet that goal, but it was still a total ball to come up with a fun little project and finish it as quickly as possible. 

Favourite thing I read: 

Hands-down, without a doubt, What’s A Sex Tape Between Friends?  by @auntie-coagulant. I don’t read much fanfic, and when I do, it's only for the ships that I don't write. So when I saw this fic recommended in the Kotallo server and I was like “Travis/Lis?? You have my attention.” My eyes were popping and I was HOWLING by the first chapter, and I’ve been dead in the water for this fic ever since and procrastinating on finishing the fic because MY EMOTIONS ARE NOT READY FOR THE HEARTBREAK.

Writing goals for next year: 

Finish Coming In Like A Western Wind. I’ve been sleeping on this fic since September because Astarion and Halsin turned my head and I feel really bad about it… but I do mean to finish it! 

Just keep on keeping on with my BG3 fics for Astarion and Halsin! I’ve been DYING to write smut for Halsin for months, and I have images living rent-free in my head of Astarion enjoying some very tender sensate focus, so let’s hope I get around to writing these scenes before I explode. 

**************

Template time!

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!)

Smut scenes written (if applicable)

New things I tried

Fic I spent the most time on

Fic I spent the least time on

Favourite thing I wrote

Favourite thing I read

Writing goals for next year

Enjoy, friends!!! And cheers to another fulfilling year of writing! 🥰🥂

-- love from your friendly neighbourhood Pika! xoxo

[ticklishprincey]

✿.｡.:* ☆:**:. Hello my loveys! This is a little self-indulgent fic because I ship these two more than should be considered healthy, I'm also a homosexual and these two are one of the only canonically homosexual characters in a good book series that I grew up on so HELL YEAH also they are so well-written I just fawn over every scene with these goobers ◦•●◉✿ Warnings: Tickling, teasing, restraint (nothing crazy) ◦•●◉✿ Pairings: Lee!Nico & Ler!Will ✿◉●•◦𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢, 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚢𝚜◦•●◉✿ Nico entered the infirmary, tired and bruised. He probably shadow traveled again, was the first thought that came to Will's head when he rushed to tend to him.

"Nico, what happened? Are you here with me?" Will immediately spoke to Nico, trying to work out how conscious he actually was, since he looked like he was about to pass out.

"I'm here, I'm okay- Don't worry-" Nico swayed back and forth on his feet, gripping Will's shoulder for stability.

"Don't worry?” Will almost laughed at the boy's words, because no, he was worrying. It was his nature. "There's blood on you. In multiple places. You're not okay."

"If it helps, it's not my blood," He chuckled darkly, turning to a cough. "Most of it, anyway."

Will didn’t seem amused. At all. He was used to his boyfriend coming to the infirmary in various states of injury and illness, but that didn't mean he was ever happy about it.

"Take off your shirt,” he said, voice firm but not unkind. Normally he’d be blushing red at the words, but now all he was concerned about was tending to Nico.

"Take me to dinner first, damn." The raven-haired boy flashed a rare smile and pulled his shirt over his head, revealing a large bruise forming around a cut just above his hip.

Will rolled his eyes. "You're insufferable."

He moved close to Nico, examining the injury as he carefully ran his fingers over it. "Looks bad. How much does it hurt?"

The son of Hades flinched slightly at the touch, biting his lip. "Not too bad, I just figured you'd want to see it and not discover it later and chew me out for it."

“You’re right, I do want to see it and I would have chewed you out for it,” Will confirmed. “But you’re lucky it actually doesn’t look too bad… still, it’s pretty large. We need to be careful of internal bleeding.”

He got to work, grabbing some supplies from a nearby cabinet. “Sit down and lean back for me.” Will instructed, gesturing to the bed.

Nico obliged, doing as he was told and sitting down on the bed, leaning back against the cot.

Will sat down beside him, gently placing a hand on his stomach to keep his upper body pinned in its current position. “This should only take a second,” he said, before using a cotton pad and some antiseptic to wipe some of the blood away, cleaning the area around the bruise. He paused for a moment to admire the view— his boyfriend’s torso and abs, on full display. If you asked Will a year ago whether he ever thought this would happen… gods, a year ago he probably didn’t even—

He shook away the thoughts and resumed tending to Nico. The boy flinched at the tender hands caring for his wound, a small whine slipping through his gritted teeth.

Will noticed this and immediately lightened his touch. “Sorry. Did that hurt?” he asked. He really didn’t want to cause Nico any more pain, even though it often came with the process.

“Nono, I’m fine.”

“If you're sure-” Will raised an eyebrow, not entirely convinced. He knew Nico tended to downplay his injuries and pain, something he had unfortunately started to learn the hard way. But he knew prying wouldn't help any. The child of Apollo poured some nectar over the wound, healing it almost instantly.

The boy let out a small sigh of relief, glancing down at the injury to see it completely healed. "All good?"

“All good,” Will confirmed, placing his hand back on Nico’s stomach because… why not? His thumb gently traced patterns over the other boy's ribs.

Shivers run down Nico's spine at the gentle touch as he instinctively grabs his lover's hand, a wobbly smile forming in replace of his normally stoic expression. "Babe-"

Will was very used to the effects his touch had on Nico at this point. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t use them to his advantage sometimes, though.

“Babe?” he chuckled. “I haven’t even done anything.”

"Don't." A few stray giggles bubble up and out of the smaller boy's mouth.

“Don’t?” Will smirked at Nico’s reaction, moving his free hand to his side and poking him with a few fingers, continuing to use it as an excuse to touch him. "Don't what, my love?"

"Yohou knohow whahat!" The son of darkness let out a small squeak, immediately covering his mouth in embarrassment. A light pink hue dusted his cheeks and the very tips of his ears.

Will found it adorable how flustered Nico got over this. The way his boyfriend tried and failed to hold back his giggles just because his stomach was being touched… he couldn’t help but find it amusing. 

“Sorry, love, I don’t think I do,” he continued, faking innocence in his voice as he started to gently tickle Nico’s side. "Why don't you tell me?"

The flustered boy beneath him pushed against the ever-moving hands and let a few giggles loose, as well as a small snort, before covering his mouth realizing the sound came from him. "Shihihit- Bahahabe!"

The healer laughed at Nico's reaction, feeling his heart flutter at the cute giggles. It was one of his favorite sounds on the planet. "So the all-powerful Nico di Angelo isn't tough and scary after all, huh?"

He switched spots, digging his fingers into the other boy's hips now. "He's just a ticklish dork!"

Nico squealed and squirmed beneath his lover, giggles freely pouring from his lips now. Snorts and squeaks mixed in with the bright and bubbly laughter, a stark contrast to what Will was used to - Not that anyone was complaining. "BAHAHABE NAHAHAT THEHERE!”

"Are you even trying to fight against me?" he asked, continuing the attack on his poor boyfriend, his fingers running up to the spot just below his ribs. "Or are you enjoying this too much?"

His giggles died down slightly, still pushing up against Will’s hands, his blush deepening at the teasing words from his lover. The truth was, he really didn't want it to stop, it was nice being able to let loose like this- But he wasn't about to tell Will that. He had a reputation to uphold, dammit.

"FUHUHUCK OFF!"

Yeah, that would save his reputation. Totally.

Will knew Nico well enough at this point to know what the truth behind his words really was- not that he minded. 

“Aww, but that’s mean,” he teased, pausing his tickling for a minute. He placed a quick kiss onto the other boy’s stomach, right next to his bellybutton, grinning at the reaction it got. “And after I was just taking such good care of you.” The sound that came out of Nico’s mouth was practically sinful. There was no possible way Will could be blamed for what he did next.

He leaned down to continue his kisses, moving further down to his boyfriend’s hips, his teeth gently grazing over the skin in between. “Stop trying to squirm away, love.”

Flustered giggling and squeaking followed the attack immediately, the normally deathly pale skin of his lee turning bright red. "BaAhAHabe!! CuhUHuhut ihit OUT!"

Will continued, not once listening to Nico’s pleas. In fact, if anything, they encouraged him. 

“Not until you admit that you actually enjoy this,” he mumbled against the other boy’s skin. He moved his fingers up to his ribs again and continued tickling him.

“NEHEVER!”

Will didn’t respond, determined to hear the words leave Nico’s mouth.

He continued his torturous combination of kisses, touching and nibbling along Nico’s hips and sides. His hands never paused, switching from spots on his sides to digging into his stomach to moving lower on his hips. High-pitched squeals and giggles poured freely from the younger demigod’s lips, his hands pushing at his lover’s head. "BAHAHABE!" The son of Apollo didn’t even mind the flailing hands against his head, letting them push him away just so he could come back.

“C’mon, just admit it, love. You’re enjoying this.” He stopped the nibbling at his hip to speak, before returning to the same spots and continuing the assault. “OKAY OKAY OKAY I LIHIHIKE IT JUHUST STAHAHAP!” Finally. Those were the words he had wanted to hear for a while. 

Will did stop his torture, though he didn’t move away from his boyfriend, staying positioned over him, his hands lingering over his hips. He couldn’t stop the grin that spread over his face. “See, wasn’t so hard to be honest, was it?” he said teasingly, still hovering over the flustered, blushing mess underneath him.

“Nohoho mohohore-”

Will let out a lighthearted chuckle, leaning back and admiring the view. 

Nico’s cheeks were red, his chest was heaving as he tried his best to catch his breath, his hair was completely disheveled, and… he looked perfect, as usual. 

“Don’t worry, love. No more…” he assured him, his hands massaging the sides of his hips. “For now, of course.”

✿◉●•◦𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚍◦•●◉✿ ✿.｡.:* ☆:**:. GODDAMN THIS IS LONG also I had to rewrite this absolute piece of dog shit three times because Tumblr said nOoOoo and I am not okay- For all my regressor friends, little shameless self-promo, go check out my shop! The link is in my pinned post.

•.¸♡𝚝𝚞 𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒 𝚒𝚕 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚘 𝚖𝚊 𝚒𝚕 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚊 𝚝𝚎♡¸.•

[spookyscarycreepydollgirl]

I deleted your comment because it made me so mad, but I need to explain why so you don't keep doing this. You shouldn't make queer characters straight, but it's fine to make straight characters queer because they are not a marginalised group. They are not an underrepresented group. HC-ing straight people queer is not the same as HC-ing ace people allosexual. Asexual people are ridiculed and ignored within their own community, so when we get canon representation, that needs to be respected. When the media is as saturated with ace rep as it is straight rep, we can revisit this conversation, but until then if you like the dynamic of two characters there's no reason why you can't take that and make something new with it. You don't need to erase ace characters in the process. Hope this helps

That’s a dumb thing to think, and I think you know it. Characters from marginalised groups requiring protectionist double standards I mean. They’re fictional characters, they exist to entertain. They aren’t real or worth protecting, no matter what their sexual orientation or lack there of is. I literally kill my OCs in the name of fetishisation on my blog. You don’t protect fictional characters, they’re tools, they exist to be used and exploited no matter who they represent.

That’s not even getting into the fact that you aren’t even talking about media representation, you’re talking about fanfiction. A niche close knit form of media that the majority of people will never even see. If you’re trying to influence how others think on a societal or systemic level, fanfiction is a laughable way to do it. You can’t dictate how an audience reacts to a character. You can’t control who people will ship with who or what they write about. Fanfiction is a hobby, it’s done for fun, out of dedication and passion. You should be grateful that people like the same characters you like and the same stories you like enough to want to invent new stories for them, being picky about those stories in an artistic sense is fine, but pretending it’s a question of morality? That’s just self-righteous. It’s just bossing people around and shaming them cause you think you know better.

I ship Gale X Astarion X Tav even though Gale isn’t poly and Astarion has some definite sexual trauma in his past. I ship Yuugi/Atem even though Yuugi is canonically straight. I ship tons of other things that are not even remotely canon. It’s not wrong or evil it’s creative license and it’s fun.

I should clarify that the post they’re so mad about they deleted was me essentially saying: “I ship Yuugi/Yami no Yuugi, even though Yuugi is canonically into pussy, I’m not sparing the straights, so why would I spare the asexuals?” I forget the actual wording, I don’t think I mentioned pussy in so many words. So just think of this version as a slightly more crass and dramatic reenactment.

Anyway I don’t even feel offended by being deleted this time because I’m too taken back by the need of OP to correct my supposed bad behaviour.

I’mma be honest guys, while I told this person I would lance the sacred cow of canonical queerness. I don’t actually have that many fanfiction OTPs I can think of that are straight despite being canonically queer. (Does Pomni X Caine count? An AI could be assumed to be canonically asexual right? But then the Moon is implied to get frisky so…yeah I don’t think I can determine this with just a pilot episode)

So not only am I sex repulsed IRL and thus the last person who needs to be told that life is tough for folk on the ace spectrum but the supposed “horrible” thing this person NEEDS to stop me doing I’m not entirely sure I’ve actually done. (I’ve read ALOT of fanfiction in my life though so I could just be misremembering.)

If anyone’s wondering why I’m so passionate about this though. It’s cause I want to be a proper writer one day and fictional characters as tools to be exploited is an inalienable right for writers. Does this mean I think getting attached to or empathising with characters is bad if you’re a writer? Hell no! But you gotta treat them like Sims characters and drown them in the pool without a second thought. I like my Sims, I empathise with my Sims and I still wouldn’t fucking hesitate to murder them in cold blood. And THAT my friends is the ideal attitude we should all aspire to when writing.

[sailoragere]

Hello, and welcome to the sweet home base of #sailoragere. (Promise I’m not a witch!) /ref

I'll be your host, Serendipity. Dipsy for short. If you didn’t read up there in my bio already, I’m white, and an autistic adult who is currently 25. You may be wondering,

“What is #sailoragere?”

It is to be an established hashtag to share and create age regression content related to Sailor Moon.

After close to a decade of shying away and being kinda desperate for agere stuff of my special interest, I felt brave enough to create this blog for the purpose of breaching--er..bridging the gap.

What will be featured? What can I post in the tag? What can I ask you/talk to you about?

Lots of things! For starters,

💗 Artwork!

💙 Fanfiction/Headcanons (AUs are encouraged)

❤️ Moodboards

💚 Outfit collages

🧡 Stimboards

and whatever else can be thought of!

(All versions/iterations of Sailor Moon are encouraged: Manga, 90s Anime, Crystal/Eternal/Cosmos, PGSM, CD Dramas, Stageplays, etc.)

On the blog itself, there will be a focus on positive posts, cute things such as plushies, toys, stimboards, stimming in general, aesthetics, “-cores,” that remind me of the characters and their canon culture. I will also be sharing my own works from time to time.

Sailor Moon used to be marketed primarily towards children in its American market in the 90s, but you may or may not have known that its Japanese target demographic used to be children as well!! There’s a seemingly endless amount of cute little trinkets and merchandise that appeal to me, therefore I’ll be sharing some of it here, too.

As for you, if you prefer to stay low or are just feeling shy/anxious, it’s okay. Just swap to Anonymous in the ask box and we can assign you an emoji to better accommodate you! (Please keep in mind I am chronically ill and will likely take a while to respond!)

I’d love to see what others come up with, and find fellow fans of Sailor Moon who also regress! Please spread the word by reblogging this post! (I could really actually use a boost)

Please click “read more” or “more” before following/interacting with this blog or hashtag! Don’t fall under any of the below and you’re good to to use the tag / interact!

‼️ The following will not be allowed nor tolerated. (In no particular order of importance:)

💔Pedophiles/Zoophiles/"MAPS"/"NOMAPS"/RADQUEERS

Self-explanatory.

💔Anti-antis"/"Proshippers"/Pro-fic/"Problematics" (literally so many different ways of putting this nowadays...)

Also self-explanatory.

💔Racism towards black, indigenous, and POC.

This will apply to any content shared within the blog or hashtag. Don’t drag others down for headcanoning or depicting a certain character as mixed Asian. Just so long as their canon Japanese culture and race are not being erased, anything goes. Anti-racist is the way to be.

💔Homophobia/Transphobia (TERF, Radfem, etc).

We love and support the LGBTQ+ community in this space. It’s totally valid to express gender and/or affectional orientation through your favorite characters. Romantic and/or platonic shipping is encouraged! (But please understand that shipping in a sexual context will never be allowed here or in the tag.)

💔Ableism towards autistic people (otherwise known as autmisia), or any other disability.

This includes anything relating to autism or disabilities be it a headcanon, piece of art or someone using the hashtag! The very person behind this blog is disabled and wishes to cultivate a diverse and inclusive environment for disabled systems, system littles, regressors, carers, and other individuals.

💔 Equating diapers to only a kink/fetish and/or something to make fun of/something that degrades a person.

They're inherently a disability aid, so they will always be included here!! Be ableist elsewhere. Same in bold goes for any other disability aids.

💔 Sexualizing age regression/agere and/or supporting others that do so.

Adult topics are not appropriate here and therefore will not be brought up. This is meant to be a space to escape and heal from that sort of trauma. (Personal to the admins in particular)

Speaking of trauma, that sort of discussion will be allowed, too, as age regression tendencies often stem from it. And these characters have been through it. Said content will of course be tagged accordingly. ^^

While this blog is fiction focused, above all, we care about the world and the people in it. The intention is to do that by sharing important posts about current events. I will tag those specific posts with warnings and #not agere just to be safe.

If I catch anyone misusing the tag for any of the above, you will be blocked! Please respect our boundaries for my sake and a lot of yours! With this all said, I cannot put forth the energy to scrutinize every single follower or interaction online anymore due to it becoming damaging for my mental health!

Play it safe and be kind to others!

[dragoncxv360]

NOTICE: Hey, I would appreciate it if only 16+ people followed me because the stuff I post can be very suggestive, and just in general, my stories aren't meant for kids. I'm not gonna like rigorously go through my followers and check for ages, but like, if I spot a 13 year old following me, I'm gonna soft block 'cause it's just not comfortable

Making a new pinned post here ‘cause my old one is very lengthy and I decided to write a new one for cohost

I’m Ellery, I mostly make art for Sun and Moon from fnaf, with occasional art of my ocs as well (and maybe some Invader Zim art if I feel like it). I ship Sun x Moon so if that’s not your thing, you probably won’t enjoy following me. I occasionally post art of pregnant characters but it’s tagged so you can avoid it

I do make some tsams art now but not all my art is tsams related so if it doesn't mention tsams in the post it's not for that. Especially if it's my sun x moon art it is definitely *not* tsams art. I ship some of the characters with each other for my versions of them so if tsams ships aren't your thing, you likely won't enjoy following me.

Nsfw stuff is on a side blog (with the exception being my ao3 which has both sfw and nsfw fics), suggestive stuff is on here but it’s tagged

Commissions are closed

Drawing requests are closed unless otherwise specified

You can find my art on here under the tags my art or ellery's art, you can find my writing under my writing or ellery’s writing

Asks are welcome, please keep some things in mind though. No nsfw, no gore, no venting or triggering topics such as self harm, suicide, or abuse. Also please no flashing images/gifs as they can give me migraines

Asks are currently off because of the spam bots, same with dms, these rules will apply if/when I turn them back on though

Asks have been turned back on, they'll go back off again if the spam continues though

7/24/24-asks are off again due to spam

Currently looking for different options for making/selling stickers

You can support me on kofi

My fics are on ao3. Sunflowers and Stardust is crossposted to ffn but it is the only fic I have crossposted

Info post on my Security Sun Au

Info post on You’re Everything I’m Not (my oc story)

Things you can and can't do with my art and writing and stuff under the cut

Things you can do with my art, aus, and ocs:

- use my art as a phone/tablet/computer wallpaper (you don’t need to ask first)

- ASK to use my art as a profile picture or header/banner (the only exception to having to ask first is if I made the art for you)

- make fanart of my ocs and aus/fics, it makes me very happy to see people enjoying my stuff :D (please no gore, light blood is fine though. Please do not draw anything related to self harm or suicide, even for my fics that include such topics. Drawing Eclipse from my organic/recovery au with his canon self harm scars is fine, drawing said scars as actual wounds is not)

Things you can not do with my art, aus, ocs, or writing:

- you can’t repost, trace, copy, or edit my art (regardless of whether or not credit is given)

- you can’t repost my writing

- you can’t dub/voiceover/narrate my art or writing

- you can’t use my art or writing in AI generators or use my characters or writing in AI chatbots

- you can’t claim my art, writing, aus, ocs, or anything else I create as yours

- you can’t sell any of my stuff or otherwise use it to make a profit

- you can’t use my art for your ocs or dnd characters

- you can’t roleplay my aus or ocs

Unsure on/Ask first beforehand:

- I’m unsure if I’m ok with nsfw fanart atm, if I do allow it though it’d be something where you’d have to ask first before making it (and obviously I would not want minors making any)

- I’m unsure on gift fics as well. If you would like to write a gift fic, I would prefer you ask first and tell me what you plan on writing. If I allow this, it will only be for my fnaf aus, it will not be for my ocs (since I plan to write and hopefully publish their stories some day)

If you are heavily inspired by my aus/ocs/fics for one of your own stuff (by heavily inspired I don't mean stuff like wanting to write a genderfluid Sun too or even wanting to write a fic with a similar plot to my fic Blood and Oil, such as a fic with Sun dying and Moon dealing with the grief of that loss, I mean stuff that copies multiple and very specific aspects of my stories) please send an ask or a dm to me, I'd be happy to discuss what is and isn't comfortable so that we can work something out. Please note though that I may say something is too heavily inspired to be comfortable for me. I'd most likely be happy to help give you pointers on changes you can make so it's comfortable for me though.

[candyheartedchy]

re: falling out of self-shipping cause of a canon x canon ship becoming canon: yeah, kinda!! at the very least, i understand.

like. i ship romantically with Mollymauk, from Critical Role, and Critical Role has these origins comic books that describe the origins of the main characters. and in Molly's comic book, it apparently (i haven't read it yet) hinted that Molly held romantic feelings for another canon character, Caleb, or at the very least those feelings were starting to bloom. and i got very attached to Molly very quickly, so i understand a lot. especially with keeping canon x insert/oc ships close to the canon material.

if it helps, what i did was i made a scenario where Molly had a choice between Caleb (who had several love interests at this point, the man has been described as a Bisexual Maelstrom) and Ari (my oc whom i love very much). and i made so that even though Molly might have had romantic feelings for Caleb at some point, his romantic feelings for Ari were stronger. so he chose her, in a way that still feels close to the source material and true to the narrative, at least to me.

idk if it'll help, but i thought if i told you what i did, it might give you inspiration!

it's really hard going through that kind of thing. especially if you're attached to the f/o. but you are creative, and you are lovable, so if you decide to work something out, then it'll be something wonderful, and if you decide to share it, i can't wait to see it!

you got this Chy!! we're here if you need us <33333

-@selinas-ships

That’s the thing because I try to keep my self ships close to canon as possible, which I know I don’t have to but I just do. Like I have one f/o that has a canon ship already and I still self shipped with the character anyway with no problem. And then there’s other f/o(s) that I have that got fan favorites canon x canon ships that aren’t official or anything, but they don’t really bother me and I even enjoy some of them. But this one f/o is a big comfort character of mine and I even sometimes ship them with other canon characters for fun. But the one ship of that f/o that started out as a crackship in the fandom seems to look as if it’s inching more and more closer as a canon ship in the future. And it just stings. Like I’m almost afraid to watch new episodes of the show because of it.

And I do appreciate the scenario you gave, it could help with the whole staying close to the source material thing. But I can’t keep thinking that if the ship becomes canon, then why bother? But I will keep what you wrote in mind, so thank you.

[senseandaccountability]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @mightymizora (thank youuu)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 94. 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 1,108,787, ahahaha. I’ve been at it for like 20 years though. 3. What fandoms do you write for? Baldur’sGate 3, Cyberpunk 2077, Mass Effect, Dragon Age and Lucifer make up the bulk of my fics but I’ve dabbled in some more fandoms.  4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

There are names for what binds us - (DAI; Blackwall/Trevelyan) The free parking jackpot rule - (Lucifer; Lucifer/Chloe) Blaze Me a Sun - (BG3; Astarion/Tav) And Hate the Idle Pleasures of These Days - (Lucifer; Michael/Ella) Kiss by Kiss I Cover Your Small Infinity - (Lucifer; Lucifer/Chloe)

5. Do you respond to comments? I always try to!

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? All of my A Song of Ice and Fire fics are angsty since they’re about women who die in various horrible ways. But I’m generally more of a bittersweet writer, I think. 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Like I said, I lean towards the bittersweet and most endings are more sweet than bitter.Compared to canon outcomes I’d say my Michael fics for the Lucifer fandom are the happiest ones because you can’t give me a wretched, bitter, jealous mirror to Most Loved Boi Lucifer and not expect me to root for him in some way. 8. Do you get hate on fics? Not since my Jamie/Brienne drabbles ended up on a rabid Jamie/Cersei reclist. I also had some snippy comments/PMs on a Michael fic where I closed down Hell because Lucifer the show gave me an American Dream ending with self-improvement through therapy in Hell instead of questioning revenge as a moral solution. 9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Gods, I used to. Not so much now, no. It’s just not that interesting to me anymore, I rather write around the smut. The kind of smut I like to write is emotionally intense and/or angsty, at any rate.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Very, very rarely. I’m uninterested in reading them myself but I’ve used crossover as a concept in two stories: Troy Lies in Ruins (Cyberpunk 2077) in which Johnny is the Clementine inside V’s head and I use Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind as inspiration for their post-game quest to find each other again.

The Gods That Answer After Dark (Lucifer) in which I crossover Deckerstar with the novel The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue and had a chance to shut down that damned hell again.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes, someone more or less paraphrased my Johnny/V fic And your heart, as it was then, will be on fire by posting their own fic with pretty much entire paragraphs stolen from mine. I didn’t do anything about it, though, it had no comments/kudos at the time. 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, it was flattering. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I don’t think so, not that I can recall. I’d be up for it, though, it would be kind of cool to co-write a romance story where two authors write two different characters. 

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? I don’t think I can pick just one. 

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I always intend to finish the WIPs. That said, it would require a lot of willpower to return to the oldest WIPs I have, by now. 16. What are your writing strengths? I think I’m good at concepts, characters and hopefully keeping a distinct sort of style. I used to be more pretentious. I think my writing has become better by dropping some of the most literary concepts in favour of focusing on emotions and social dynamics. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Plot? I think I could write plot - I like to plan stories out - but I don’t really want to dedicate time to write it. I’m also really bored by action and exposition. Ugh at having to explain and describe shit beyond a tightly packed sentence or two.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I don’t even understand this question and will blame it on English being my second language. 

19. First fandom you wrote for? The Legend of the Ice People, oh my lord. If only for my desk drawer. https://www.amazon.com/The-Legend-of-the-Ice-People-19-book-series/dp/B075TY2F5M The US version of the covers have removed ALL suggestive and thrillingly forbidden vibe from the original though. What 13 year old me loved about them was that the first book was about a horny 16 year old girl who falls in love with a 40 something demonic and cursed (also solitary and very angsty) dude after having intense sex dreams about him as Satan. Every book after that just added to the cocktail of sex, history and ancient curses and for years so much of what I wrote was fanfic versions of this series.  20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written? I’m rather fond of this Aeducan/Gorim story: so I wait for you like a lonely house

I'm tagging @wanderingaldecaldo, @thievinghippo, @icescrabblerjerky and @threewhiskeylunch if you're up for it. Otherwise feel free to ignore.

[komilys]

After a several weeks of being dead, I'm back! And since you said that you don't mind me crashing into your inbox...

First of all, you and Ciel are really cute together. Hopefully you will be able to stir him up and get him to have some fun... You two seem to represent that kind of "troublesome guy x unfortunately has to deal with them" ship dynamic that I always loved.

But now I wonder, what other canon events would have gone differently with your s/i in it? Especially since Ciel and Sebastian decided to use your s/i for his knowledge of canon events (even if it barely helped). You also mentioned that lately you've been thinking a lot about the current arc, so what about that?

And it's kinda funny how both of us have our Black Butler s/is isekai-ed into their world from ours. I also got this idea from similar "x reader" fanfiction I was reading a long time ago.

Except my s/i ended up getting adopted (kinda) by Undertaker instead, and later was too busy working in the funeral parlour and slowly slipping into the madness to influence the plot...

Anyway, about your s/i again. How does he look? Do you have any drawings or picrews or just written description? Asking just so I could picture you and Ciel together.

– villain-in-love

(it deleted my first response. that sucks.) after weeks of ME being dead, i’m back n ready to answer!! :3 (im so sorry i keep dying)

thank you thank you!! that really does capture our dynamic perfectly i think <3

funny you mention your s/i being adopted kind of by undertaker bc i’ve been playing with a similar idea! instead of adoptee, it’s more kidnapee-but-not-really. he was already suspicious of komie, what with ciel just appearing one day with him and even more so by the fact that he always seemed to be five steps ahead of everything, like he always knew what was next. at first he dabbled with the idea of something supernatural, but i think at the end i’ve been toying with the idea of him ‘kidnapping’ komie during the whole blavat sky thing (that arc) but honestly im still not very sure what with the manga still going.

kidnapping in quotes because it’s not so much as kidnapping as me more or less willingly going with him, though originally that was the first draft, i switched to pinning komie’s departure from ciel’s side to his own selfishness. undertaker did have a part in his convincing to leave though.

i’ve been thinking a lot about the current arc trying to figure out how komie ties into it, whether having him be an active player as he’s always been or kind of just sitting on the sidelines watching everything play out for once. this is also in part due to that i really have no idea how the manga is gonna play out, i kept flip-flopping between being with r!ciel and lizzy (in my universe lizzy and i are close), and being wherever undertaker is, (essentially switching me always following ciel to me following him).

yeah, the current arc is messy for komie i don’t know what im doing with myself yet (￣w￣;)

that’s quite funnu though! that both of our inserts have both been just dropped in the story! i’m curious on what you mean by too busy descending into madness ??

the emerald witch arc (the next one to be animated, hooray!!!) is the last arc i have more or less thought out well (all my self ships are more or less thought out, lol)

i think komie ends up taking a lot more of a caretaker role for ciel, and he’s also a lot more careful with him during the emerald witch arc. at first he stops ciel from going into the forest too, because at this point he’s very fond of ciel and doesn’t want him to hurt, but at some point he does push ciel to go into the forest as he’s meant to.

like how finny takes care of ciel, komie also does as he’s more like a kid. at this point, guilt starts to creep up on komie because he just has to let bad things happen to the people he’s grown to care for and he becomes a little detached (this leads into the next arc, similar to lizzy). at some point between these two arcs, i think ciel and ki have a moment and for a little, ki goes back to the same but i think it’s a quick regression to his state during the witch arc.

speaking of witch arc, i remember i had an idea that i kill someone (one of the german women who tried to kill wolf, but id have to reread the arc to actually flesh that out… i forgot what happened…)

also funny ! sometime before the actual start of the green witch arc / during the public school arc, ciel finds out komie’s actual age— lizzy was trying to find out my birthday, lo and behold i admit my eighteenth was a month ago. ciel just goes quiet and looks at me— he genuinely didn’t believe i was that older than him.

its a funny moment, lizzy’s sad i didn’t tell her during easter, edward has his head in his hands— his mind is running crazy— he’s like oh!, and ciel is just staring. he blushes a little. anyways komie is just like sry gang (victorian version)

for the visuals of komie i have these 2! the first’s purpose is mostly to get a feel for the dressing/how he dresses + hair and the second is for the more actuate body type :3 obviously i dress very differently given… 1800s… but it’s a good representation of how i looked when i landed in the phantomhive garden in the first place (also my pajamas)

but if you want a kind of not really… more accurate to the kind of clothes i switch to wearing once actually in the 1890s, that’s the third picture (a little plain, it’s probably be more detailed / different in reality but just a vague idea! the general idea is more coverage lol)

something i thought of but i thought it’d be cute if during that shopping ciel has with the phantom servants post-school arc, he asks if i want anything and i shrug and say, “a blanket? i don’t really use the bed coverings i have at the manor”

“…you don’t?”

“no, i don’t really… the way they feel is…” i squint, making a vaguely grossed out noise.

ciel stares, before averting his gaze towards the shelves.

“how is this one?”

we go back and forth for a while, having me go through the different fabrics and try to explain how they are and the differences as he gauges my reactions. it’s embarassing because i can tell he doesn’t really get it, but he also doesn’t relent. we leave and i get a new blanket. a few weeks later, a little before the trip to germany— i find a few new clothes on my bed.

“ciel?” i examine the neatly wrapped package. its green. i look back up at him from the doorway across the room. “what is this?”

“clothes,” he doesn’t look up from his paperwork. “you were uncomfortable before, weren’t you?”

“sometimes,” i answer.

his pen stops. “now you won’t be.”

i stare at him, the quiet scratching of his pen being the only sound filling the air between us. that’s kind of you, but i don’t say it.

“oh…” i turn the package around in my hands. did he have sebastian wrap it? “thank you.”

“you’re welcome.”

x <3

[sueske]

Hi Sueske! I'm sorry but this is just a frustrated rant. Feel free to kick me through the screen.

I wonder how can anyone ever look at Naruto and Sasuke and think they were as straight as an arrow? Naruto has to be prompted to notice girls because his head is too full with Sasuke-related thoughts and Sasuke never ever indicates he has a genuine intrigue nor interest in girls (and boys, really, that isn't Naruto). Naruto and Sasuke have a mutual interest in each other that goes beyond simple friendship and even if it's platonic (somehow people often sees platonic relationships as less than romantic ones) their bond is way, waaaaayyy deeper than the Mariana Trench that cherry girl and the white eyed 'princess' have a minus hundred chance of ever getting in with either of the two. There's just no space left.

It's just how they are and Kishimoto are consistent with his portrayal of them. Yes, even in chap 699 and 700 because while Sakura did get that Forehead Poke™, I see it as Sasuke seeing his younger self wanting to be close to Itachi and so he responded to her 'yet another romantic advances' with the poke, like... implying that Sasuke sees her as childish. It's... does anyone truly want their significant other to see them as childish? The same level of childishness as your own eleven-year-old daughter who you named 'salad' (who did get a hug and a poke because she was making a face and Sasuke wasn't cold hearted to ignore what was in front of him)?

Chapter 699 ended with both Naruto and Sasuke in the panel while chapter 700? Brazenly never showed NH and SS together, not even a single panel. Hehe bravo Kishimoto.

Gaiden portrays NH as existing with one kid (the white eyed princess' daughter didn't show up so she could just be a chap 700's white eyed princess' hallucination) and no panel with them together and SS was massively doubted to even exist and panels with them existing together can be counted with two hands and still will feel like what they have is just a very basic level of relationship between comrades (that don't necessarily like each other), showcasing Kishimoto's whole new level of cunning and pettiness.

While Boruto the movie... I have no words (and my memory of that movie only consists of Naruto and Sasuke moments). Maybe a few NH interactions that, yet again, had no intrigue nor depth and SS... I don't want to go there because there is nothing to go to.

Honestly anyone who watched Boruto the movie and still raved about their 'canon ships' (read: NH and SS) is scraping off their nails againt a brick of wall. It's painful to watch.

If they want a Male Friendship they can have Chouji and Shikamaru. Gai and Kakashi too.

helloooo

Homophobia… ignorance… stupidity… choose ur fighter. There’s no way u can objectively look at the story and think ss and nh are good relationships, even reciprocated relationships, when Naruto (the story) might as well have been called Naruto and Sasuke.

I agree that strong platonic relationships do exist. But Kishimoto portrayed sns’ relationship with tension, romantic tropes, desperation, devotion – that’s how he wanted it to be shown. Generally speaking (cuz I know not everyone does this obviously) but some ppl just acknowledge that ss and nh are crap but simultaneously don’t want to admit sns are gay… so they just say sns are platonic.

I always saw the forehead poke as a jibe from Kishimoto, like ‘hey u wanna have ss be endgame then I’ll make Sasuke do the BROTHERLY forehead poke, one that was used by Sasuke’s brother to keep him at a distance.’ Pink girl doesn’t know what it means and what it stands for, I’m sure she was just happy Sasuke talked to her and touched her.

I can’t even be bothered with Hinata… is she going to keep knitting forever