#but i have nothing to back that claim its just i think itd be cool

[gin-juice-tonic]

i think itd be interesting if leaving a bit of zombie in a person would effect their life span. would they live longer or shorter lives? will they ever truely die, or would they turn back to being a zombie instead?

also think itd be a really cool thing to explore just overall. would laboratories pick it up? find a way to test for it? find a faster/safer way to neutralize it? maybe even make vaccines for effected towns so people are less likely to be effected. or would you even be able to do that since its not actually a virus?

Im gonna answer this under a readmore because it got long.

I talk about my zombie lore stuff a liiiiitle more in this post:

https://gin-juice-tonic.tumblr.com/post/704995046015041536/gin-juice-tonic-part-of-something-the-little

But for specific answers to your questions:

1) If you have more not-zombie in you than zombie in you, all major zombie operations in you are supposed to cease, so I'd be inclined to say nothing special about your life span would happen. (The bit about vegetarians having a hard time after being cured was more of a joke.) If something WERE to still happen though I would say it'd increase your life span a little, because of zombies ability to stay together despite their whole... everything. But hopefully that wouldnt happen.

I guess I sort of implied that humans with zombie in them can drink formalin and be okay... until they cant anymore. That's the only perk you get.

2) If you die and you have zombie in you at the time, your body becomes a zombie. But your life force isn't in there anymore, so you can't really say it's still that person anymore. That's the zombie's body now. Cures will no longer do anything at this stage

3) In journal 3 Ford says he analyzed Soos and could tell he survived being a zombie "Due to evidence of autolysis". I did bad in biology in high school but I'm still pretty sure that doesn't make any sense at all lol. Maybe we're to assume that like, a minimal amount of his cells are still self-digesting in a unique way but not enough to affect him as a whole. Which lends credence to the idea that there is no perfect cure, i guess.

4) In my mind the only test for it is "Is the person looking or acting like a zombie", and its about as an exact science as the blood test from the movie the Thing (1981) lol. But as noted up in point 3, Ford I suppose tested Soos somehow. Perhaps one could take a sample of blood and use the titration method I described earlier on the sample until the all cells in it are no longer killing themselves. But then you'd have to make some assumptions involving the ratio of zombie to human based off that tiny blood sample if you wanted to try continued curing at a larger scale. Ford doesn't mention trying to cure Soos further or anything, so I'll just go ahead and claim it's too dangerous to attempt, even for Ford.

5) The thing that kills the zombie force also kills normal humans, so I'm inclined to say a vaccine wouldn't be possible. Who knows though

[fracturedporcelaindoll]

Dear diary,

I've been considering getting hair cut short. One of those bob styles cause hate how the heat makes my medium length hair feel so icky~

Read a few articles on styles and on hair. Did you know you're hair grows the fastest between ages 15 to 20 or 25 depending on article? Apparently guys after 30, may experience thinning and hair loss because hair doesn't grow as quickly after 30 and for girls it's like after 40 to 50 that hair doesn't grow as quickly according to various beauty articles.~

So I don't know, mean could cut hair short but what if it took forever and a week to grow back out? I don't even think short hair would look good on me, less variety for styling but at the same time I just dont think am pretty atm either~

I think def want to try blunt or curtain bangs tho, they look cute and are kinda childish and tbh I want the adorable factor tho maybe I am just not that cute?~

Also like never ever foam hot cocoa pple, I ordered a small hot cocoa and the barista made it like it was a latte and the taste, sooo awful but didn't want to waste the purchase. I mean if I were a more less caring or wasn't worried about being confrontational in public I would have said something~

Pillows, I need a good pillow, am sure if I had one it might help improve sleep but I've yet to find a good one. Itd have to be fluffy like a cloud and cool like a winter breeze. I saw the most adorable pillow ever but problem is it's 270 with tax. Like if it were 80, I'd consider it sure expense but might be worth it if it's as good quality as claimed by advertising.~

Unfortunately I am just not sure, I mean I'd have to save for like at least a few months to get it and do I really need it? Its childish cause shaped like a dashound in a hot dog costume... but like where would I find such an adorable pillow again, it's unique~

I need to decide Halloween costume too, I mean if do go ahead and get gothic outfit from poll could pair it with some bat wings or angel ones and have costume. But that's like putting a bulleyes on yourself, dressing like an angelic being or succubus/bat demon girl would make people stare~

Plus the demon/succubus aspect is kinda ironically hilarious cause I can't even flirt with guys or girls for that matter, little miss shy and awkward~

I was brave and contacted customer service over missing package and about refund. I was ping ponged back and forth between company and shipping provider until finally got confirmation they'd issue refund as package was lost and couldn't determine where it got lost at etc~

I didn't actually talk, it was online communication through service line but still~

I took some pictures of sky because the clouds were particularly picturesque and fluffy~ I felt so self conscious though like do I just look weird or something? Haven't you ever seen someone look up at sky with camera before?~

I am tempted to just avoid public all together until October but realistically I'll get lured out in July for cotton candy vendors, fresh squeezed fair lemonade and prize contests to try to win cute plushies <4th of july>. Do I think fireworks are beautiful? Yes but am one of those people that would want to wear noise cancelling headphones and look like a dork cause of it~ the loud noise though just unsettles me, it's like really loud thunder or lighting makes me jump scare myself sometimes~

I found a Harry Potter themed bar crawl event and golf event that I kinda want to go too. Not so much the bar as mini golf the thing is I know it'll be crowded and am not the best at mini golf soooooo do I really want to torture myself mentally by weaving through crowds, long lines and ultimately failing to win prizes by missing the getting the golf ball into the hole?~

Plus I'd want to wear a harry potter themed costume and have nothing to wear for that~

Including pictures of clouds because I can~

[sentientgopro]

My parents are currently trying to figure out a way for me to not have to share a bedroom with my brother, to the extent of considering a room in the garden. I said its probably just not worth it, Ive managed living in the room with him for many years, Im sure I can make do for another year and a half, and she said to me "You can't just put your life on hold like that for a year and a half until you move out". And she has no clue that had an entirely different meaning to me.

Yes, I DO have to put my life on hold until I move out, in a much more severe and damaging way than she realises, because of her transphobic ass.

But regardless of the twat saying it and the irrelevant context, I've been dwelling on those words. Its already getting kinda difficult a month into cracking doing nothing. Ive still got about another 20 to go before I even START transitioning and thats far from an instant problem fix, isn't it.

And I already wanted to think more in detail about how it will go when they inevitably find out, but this has presented a nice opportunity to think about it a bit more. My Dad will be absolutely pissed, plain and simple, to the extent that I'd have to make sure he finds out from a long distance for my own safety. He's gotten very aggressive over alot less. My mother, on the other hand, is a much more complex question.

She's the only one I've really ever talked to about issues (particularly issues relating to Dad, as well as mental issues), shes a psychologist so she kinda has a bit of idea what shes talking about. and she has said, on many occasions, that she thinks I'm very emotionally intelligent. She thinks I know myself very well. So if I told her about something I know she fundamentally disagrees with, will she just forget all that?

The thing is, she's been locked into conservative beliefs, but she can be reasoned with. One example was of a general discussion over the existance of gender dysphoria and validity of trans people, and I convinced her that gender dysphoria is real, there are scientific explanations behind why trans people feel the way they do. And she cannot find an argument against me so she resorts to "Okay, people like that exist, but I think most just do it because they think its trendy" cool, an entirely unmeasurable, impossible to back up claim that I cant even outright disprove so it pretty much ends up as her being right because she just knows better apparently. But, up to outright convincing her to change her beliefs, she can be reasoned with.

And besides, if Im so emotionally intelligent, surely I should belong to the group of people who aren't faking it, by her logic?

Honestly, if she was just outright never going to accept me like him, itd be easier. But the fact that theres a genuine question here makes it so difficult. Like, her helping cover for me and keep it a secret from my Dad and Brother while I start HRT is a genuine, possible outcome. Its also very unlikely.

But, if I could convince her Im not making it up, which should work in theory, and if she holds the belief that I can't just put my life on hold, its a forseeable outcome. And I don't know how I feel about that.

(Short bit of context for the next bit) One of my Sixth Form teachers has gotten extremely ill, we don't know the details but basically, hes disappearing for a while and we dont know if hes ever coming back. He is the ONLY member of staff in the school capable of teaching the subject. So, my mother arranged a meeting with the head to ask what happens next, and raised concerns over my education. In return, the head tried to ignore it by pinning it on me, saying I'm struggling already, and basically turn it around on me as if our only teacher isnt disappearing.

So I tried defending myself in a few ways, one of them being, since the last round of tests, Ive been feeling like, ALOT better, better motivated, to an extent that is affecting me on a day to day basis and making it easier to get work done, so there should be a massive improvement since my last tests. So after the meeting, naturally, my mother wanted to know what it was exactly that changed, and I realised I fucked up. The thing that changed was realising I was trans and realising that, eventually, I could be happy, and I have something to look forward to and work towards. So now shes gonna keep asking and wanting to talk about what it was. She keeps asking to go on a walk and talk about it.

And it keeps making me imagine, far into the walk, after she keeps poking and prodding, just going, "Fuck it, leap of faith". Because the more I dont tell her, the more suspicious shes probably gonna become.

idk, theres no real end point to this. This is more of a vent than figuring out my feelings. Supportive relatives are great, unsupportive relatives suck, but questionable relatives are fucking anxiety provoking. This is nothing new Im discovering here, really, this is a trans experience thats older than time itself. But I've never been a big risk taker, so Ill probably just take the long route and make sure they find out as late as possible.

[queenangst]

a theory on wrackingspelt, and what they mean to and for hob—

three episodes into a court of fey and flowers, the question of who wrackingspelt is and their relationship to captain hob only grows stronger. it’s very plausible and easy to read what we know of their dynamic as romantic, but i’m gonna quickly toss the idea of a platonic, familial dynamic on the table as a theory for fun.

here are the things we can infer about wrackingspelt so far:

wrackingspelt, and hob’s relationship with them, is a secret. perhaps even from the goblin court. so far, the only mentions of wrackingspelt have been from hob writing letters, and these letters remain unsent, kept by hob for safekeeping. both letters that have been written so far have also been written—or, intended to, though with wuvvy’s eavesdropping—alone and away from others. so we can guess that wrackingspelt may not be well known, or known at all. also, hob and wrackingspelt are separated, perhaps even beyond the bloom, though that wrackingspelt is not in attendance at the bloom suggests they may not be an archfey, or a person deemed of importance or necessary at such an event. additionally, of course, wrackingspelt is someone dear to hob, and someone to whom hob would confide his doubts and feelings to.

(also, though it may be silly, i think wrackingspelt is alive and they are separated from each other; e1′s letter could be interpreted as being written to someone who is dead, but e3′s letter seems to imply they are alive.)

onto theory, though this is really out of my own interest, i think it’d be cool if wrackingspelt isn’t a secret lover, but someone who is like a child to hob. perhaps a ward, or someone he could mentor. or maybe even a literal child.

this is all, of course, conjecture - both of hob’s letters, in what is definitely a deliberate move on brennan’s part, are longer than we get to know. there are contents and words we aren’t privy to. at most, the sentiment boils down to hob missing them and wanting to be together again.

Dearest Wrackingspelt, long are the hours of our absence, and with each passing moment I find the pain of that absence grow stronger and stronger. I think of you always.

My dearest Wrackingspelt, in the execution of one's duties in service to king and court, it becomes necessary at times to place in the confidence of one's most trusted and privileged compatriots, the secret misgivings of tender sentiment to which even steadiest hearts may be compelled in the face of rank uncertainty and tribulation, defiant of all preparation in the narrow precognition of their host, to wit, the burden of execrable misery, far from waning with the passing hours, counters all adages and aphorisms, whose musings on the passing of time are rendered mendacious...on the passage of time and its remediation of want or injury. It instead waxes with all the venom and ferocity of an asp, such that your humble servant must fail in knowing rest or peace or hope. It is a dull and dreary ache. The most dispassionate tempest whose ruinous wake strands what it cannot destroy. It has taken me 45 minutes to write the past four sentences.

So I shall speak more plainly. I wish that you were here. I wish that I could tell you that everything would be all right. And most urgently, I wish that you might one day read…

this theory also plays into interesting table dynamics. i think hob having a child, and being a father or mentor figure, helps contrast his relationship with andhera; as we see, andhera is clearly much younger than hob, and likely that is the reason why hob spared them out of his honor when they met at briar falls - but wrackingspelt being a child would also strengthen hob’s reason for sparing andhera.

despite the wording of the letters - even perceived romantically - i get the feeling that hob actually hasn’t been in a romantic relationship before. he’s clearly very used to being different from the members of the goblin court, and though he’s celebrated and valued for his military prowess, he doesn’t seem to see himself as someone who might be loved. who could be the object of someone’s returned affections, or someone who is valued.

Captain Hob: [to Rue] You must forgive my confusion. It is simply that it would have been the first time.

it’s hard to know exactly what hob meant, but during this conversation he does eventually seem to realize that rue had romantic intentions; i’d guess that hob meant “the first time” that he’d have been with someone or that anyone at all had showed interest.

his assumptions in the forest with rue are first that about the hunt, before he even considers the possibility that rue might be romantically interested in him. o think he feels he is not of the right station, nor does he feel worthy.

Captain Hob: ...You are a great Fey, Rue. Frankly, nothing could have prepared me to believe that the words of a Goblin would hold any weight with you.

...You deserve what you were seeking when we stepped into the forest together.

all this to say, i don’t think it’s unbelievable that wrackingspelt may not be a lover, but a child or ward young and dear to hob’s heart, the truth of which the other characters and we are unaware of yet.

[brewing-mischief]

You know I'd really like to read a deh fanfiction where Connor and Evan run into each other really hard, get knocked unconscious by the force and then wake up in the hospital in each other's bodies.

The doctor's say they both have amnesia since they're all "who are you people" to their 'families' and cant seem to remember their names.

"What's your name"

"Evan...Hansen?

"Evan is fine, he came in with you and is talking to a doctor right now. What is YOUR name?"

"Ummm....?????"

The boys figure out they switched bodies but dont say anything to avoid looking more crazy to their families. I think itd be cool to read about how both of them get a little taste of what they need.

Connor gets to go to therapy (Dr.S is assuming that the amnesia is the reason Evan has gained a different personality. Thinking that since he has forgotten his trama his brain has built a new personality off of different core memories creating an Evan that is less full of anxiety? Idk I'm not a psychologist. Im thinking later Connor would slip up revelling to much of his actual life which leads Dr.S to believe that Evan has DID and that Connor is a new personality formed from the incident. He would think Connor's memories are actually a creation of a world Evan would have liked. His parents still being together-even though he knows it wouldn't work out in the long run which caused the 'dream' to go dark. Connor is like "I have no idea what you're talking about but if your chill with dealing with me I'm good" Dr.S continues to treat Connor as though 'Evan's fantasy' AKA Connor's real life is reality because he believes that this 'fantasy' is holding Evan dormant.) <- [This of course is just DR.S's psychological interpretation. Realty is that its just a bodyswap. However if you like that theory of Connor actually being a personality of Evan go right ahead a write that. I'm not stopping you]

Connor also gets to eat normal food like Pizza and tacos and anything that isnt some weird Vegan fat-free mess Cynthia makes

Connor gets he's space. Hes not constantly beaten down on by his parents for every step he takes. Heidi is incredibly chill. She's very worried about his well being but shes not invasive like his parents are who just want to tear him down. She continues to reiterate that she loves and supports him which allows Connor to slowly drop his walls.

With these supports in place Connor slowly begins to stop smoking/cutting (I have a feeling he may have also stopped at the begining because he respects the fact that this isnt his body and doesnt want to damage it but it is HARD) however most of his needs to cut/smoke are in his head. Which is awful because addiction is hard to quit. But he doesnt have to deal with physical withdrawal symptoms. (Headaches, nausea ect.) Which helps

Connor also stands up to Jared real quick so Jared learns to get his priorities straight or he finds himself left behind

Evan on the other hand has a whole family unit. He finally gets attention 24/7 which is great. Larry is a little harsh with him because hes Connor but it's less than usually since 'Connor' has no idea what hes talking about and doesnt give him a fight anymore. Cynthia is constantly hovering over him with scrapbooks to jog his memory. Zoe just tries to keep her distance but shes always in the background just staring at him trying to figure him out. The whole family is serriously just thrown off about how nice/figitty 'Connor' is. He's tripping over his words and apologizing as much as he breathes.

Evan does go through Connor's physical withdrawal because Evan is not about smoking. He suffers. The first day he keeps craving something but doesnt know what. He tells Cybthia who tries to help him match/satisfy it but nothing works. The next couple of dayd hes serriously sick/agitated. That's when Larry realised 'Connor' is going through withdrawls and is like "oh wow. Ok" and he starts being nicer. He is still somewhat stuck in the "what does it matter, Connor is going to go back to normal soon enough and it wont matter what he does right now" but Evan is being the perfect son so he cant really stay angry. He actually begins to bond with him again.

Evan just gets attention. He gets to sit down and have dinner and talk with people. He gets that family support hes been craving. He doesnt have to worry about being a financial burden because the Murphys are loaded

Evan would probably try to get close to Zoe but she pushes him away like nobody's business. Eventually she would cave and mabye do his nails or something but something about it feels off. Connor likes doing his nails and rn 'Connor ' seems to be very against the idea because "nail polish is for girls, what if people see it and think I'm a freak ect." So now shes even more suspicious about this whole amnesia thing. It wouldn't change her brother this much, would it?

Idk how Evan would think about everyone at school. Because they see him, they notice his existence but it's mostly out of fear and hatred. I feel like that would leave him a little bit panicked.

Anyway, after a week or two Connor goes over to his house to visit Evan and see how everything is being managed. Zoe sneaks a peek on them and notices something. Shes met Evan once or twice before so she didnt really make the connection until now when she can see them both. But 'Connor' is behaving like Evan, and 'Evan' is acting like Connor. Something is definitely off. She confronts them and without much of an argument to steer her off course they eventually give in and tell her what has been going on. She joins their team of figuring out what happened, how to go back and later in the story where the climax drama happens IF they should go back.

The IF drama is basically both parties know they have to go back but also dont want to....

It's just, Connor likes the freedom and trust Heidi gives him. He misses his sister but he also whitnessed his parents loving Evan more than they ever did to him. And that makes him furious because that means he was/will never be good enough for them. He takes this out on Evan since he knows Evan likes his family. He feels like Evan stole them from him even though he knows that's not true.

Evan wants his mom back. When he goes to visit 'Evan' hes a complete stranger to her and that hurts like hell. Plus He doesnt like being hated at school and furthermore he needs his therapy again. But the Murphy family is just so perfect. He has a father figure and a Mom whose always around and Zoe (who has become less of a crush through the experience and more a friend) and he doesnt have to listen to Jared being mean to him/claim they only hang out for car insurance. He has a strong support unit here and hes become more confident from the love they feed him.

So it's just this complicated mess of emotions.

I dont know how it would wrap up since they both have to go back but I think itd be really great to see these boys get better because their circumstances/situations switch. After all Tragedy is only a tragedy becuase the hero is in the wrong story. (I think I read that in a post talking about how Macbeth and Hamelt would have ended happily if only the two main characters were in each others stories since Macbeth would have killed the uncle real quick well Hamelt would have stopped to think instead of jumping in feet first. They made a good point and I want to apply that theory to this story)

Anyway those are my thoughts. Tag me if you write it

[ufonaut]

Idk if its been completely comfirmed but i read an article about the gl series for hbomax and theres nothing about hal being in the series + the suspicious and recent pattern of comics sidelining hal gives me the very "oh no."

On top of that everything with teen lantern and even simon and jessica (for the hbo series) kinda make me believe theyre trying to push for a new gl "look" so to speak but to me it feels like the same thing with "whos gonna become the next batman?" Or with a new member of the superfamily but instead of having a established story or strong support for "passing down the cape" or whatever its a new person entirely and that honestly it just doesn't work with green lantern and if it did theres plenty of creative room with alien races like i dont see any of this really working out in the long run if thats what they're trying to pull with gl

Even with batman and superman it always goes back to bruce and clark and there's plenty of dynamic with hal to keep him as a present figure in gl, theres literally no substance outside of earth with the new lanterns nor do they have really any traction with lantern relations within their own corp or enemies like hal has with sinestro or the commentary about ethics/morality of law enforcing IN SPACE or literally how the guardians are inherently war criminals etc etc like i know im rambling but i feel like you would understand hence why im typing this because ive been sitting on this all day and tbh four human lanterns was more than enough like to the other human lanterns please leave the room its full

everytime i hear anything about the recent human lanterns im just like :/// where's the weight, the quality, like they keep looking forward but theres so much room for things they looked over on the past like give me more about kilowog or abin sur like please god who thought itd be cool to have a teen lantern like did they even think past "lets try to get as much representation with no substance into this all the while ignoring the opprotunities that this long loved dc hero has within its world of thousands of alien races, lantern corps, social/political intricacies, and hal jordan <3

1) i thought asks had a word limit

2) BUD WHERE HAVE U BEEN!!!!!!!!!!! the good folks at ufonaut hq (me) have been following hbo gl since its initial announcement in either sept or oct last year and hal has literally never been part of the plan, he & john are both being saved for the upcoming glc movie. that’s a fact that’s been said repeatedly in various statements from both hbo and dc, if you’d cared to listen

hbo gl seems focused on untold stories and literally every element of it is a dream come true to me. i can’t complain about the human - alien ratio of the cast because it’s nearly equal (alan, guy, jess & simon -- unnamed alien female lead, sinestro, abin & kilowog), the non-linear storytelling and every episode being set in a different time period is genuinely innovative AND. NOT TO MENTION. WE’RE GETTING THE FIRST LIVE ACTION ALAN SCOTT? WHO’S ALSO GONNA BE CANONICALLY GAY? DO YOU REALISE HOW HUGELY IMPORTANT THAT IS. DO YOU REALISE.

i’m sorry i get what you’re saying about feeling like hal is being sidelined and i’m assuming you know how i feel about the new gls & the guardians situation but as a fan of alan scott. i have to laugh. the original green lantern has literally been repeatedly erased or forgotten or cast aside so i don’t think you can really claim a character coming off a very successful solo run (that had two seasons and an interlude!) is being sidelined

i agree with you about certain aspects, definitely, but i would rather have hal in fewer stories that are actually meaningful & complex rather than have him as the no personality space cop he’s been written as for the vast majority of the modern era (with the sole exception of...last stories of the dc universe). my problem isnt necessarily the introduction of new lanterns but rather, like you said, the lack of substance & weight. i’m ecstatic to see a sinestro story without hal in hbo gl specifically because he IS a sufficiently developed character capable of carrying it by himself.

a lot of representation in current comics does feel empty and it is disappointing but, from a purely canon pov, hal is a straight white man and the most popular green lantern in the universe. he’s never gonna be lacking in appearances. i love him dearly, i do, but complaining about content like hbo gl when it’s giving us something as absolutely immense as gay alan scott in the 1940s simply isnt the way to go

when it comes to wildly mainstream characters like hal & the rest of the jl -- characters who’ve become synonymous with their superhero identities and who have starred in every story in existence -- my stance is mostly what mr keith giffen used to say in his columns at wizard mag dot com

[choco-style]

lately I’ve found myself mind yelling “shut the fuck up” more than usual and I don’t know who to talk to because there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it, I just have to wait to go to school and feel better, which is crazy because the general opinion on school is “god I hate it I just wanna go home” and that’s what I used to think too when I was in my awful 5-8 grade class

and it’s not just real life people I want to shut up, I feel like I’m getting more defensive and my favourite creators are getting called all kinds of things by people who claim to have the higher moral ground (or whatever you call it), when they themselves wish terrible things upon people who have either done nothing wrong, or who have apologized for everything they did wrong. and it’s 99% on tumblr. now I understand why no one fucking likes this site.

and I’m back again in this state where “I wanna go home” doesn’t at all refer to the actual apartment, but to a mentally happy place. and it sounds edgy when your brain says I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home please shut the fuck up

this isn’t even that bad and it’s nothing serious and I don’t know how I feel about all this I just needed to let it out and tumblr is where I can write longass “diary entries” and very few people who I care about will read them, and if someone has a problem with them I don’t give a single shit about their feelings and I hope they get the help they need to not turn into a shitty person or worse.

ive also been kinda mean??like not quite but kinda??? i dont know i just feel like i peaked and now im just kinda there. but im not even in the neutral empty doorway kind of state, its like now im in the room but idk what i wanna do and i need to pee but theres no toilet and im just there. like how dreams feel sometimes,,,,, idk aaagh

during the first 5 days of the week i look forward to the weekend because that keeps me happy and good and nice but then the weekend is the worst part of every week and i look forward to going to school, and now i wont even have this escape because this is the last week were going to school this decade and i have to breathe the same air and hear the same sounds as my family and i dont want to, i wanna go to school and be distracted and plan out my evenings and mornings when im basically alone. or something. i dont know what im talking about. i just dont want winter break. i dont wanna talk to my family when theyre all together. whenever theres even two people from my family in the same room i feel like i want to cry and i end up wishing id made plans or something, anything just to be somewhere else. 

youtube videos arent working anymore. or they are, but not really. i can block out the sound partially but i can still hear other people. and i think its normal but also fucked up. “what is?” well thanks for asking, me in “ “s, having these people argue so much is common but fucked up, having to stop whatever ur doing just to check whether or not a family member is crying, only to find out theyre laughing, is fucked up but maybe common. wanting to be home alone is common and not fucked up i think. going into a mental crisis because youre in this eternal circle of being sad - amplifying it because ur an attention whore - realising ur an attention whore - instead of stopping, u amplify THIS to feel absolutely terrible except not really because its not real or is it - now ur making urself look like the victim of realising ur not the victim. jesus fucking christ u stop thinking about it and it happens again a while later. just shut the fuck up, me. shut the fuck up. make my brain shut the fuck up,  i would literally probably cry happy tears if someone could make me shut the fuck up forever. or maybe i wouldnt but right now i feel like im gonna cry thinking about it. or its just placebo. or not placebo, the negative one. or idk. maybe i was right the first time i dont know. and now my back hurts cuz im like a little bug or whatever im just writing like. reversed arched. i dont know how to explain it lmao. i dont wanna read this thiing ever again but i most likely will! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! be happy lol u knwo the meme thats like cmon work. idk what it was but the reference is in my brain and i feel like i could use it. and now i sound weird. well not weird im just going thru the thing i explained earlier in this thing. but i wont write abt it im just gonna not think about it bc that seems to work really well. felt the need to add ^^ as if im talking to someone or maybe making my thoughts talk to me rn like how i would talk to someone irl lmao.theyve actually been silent for a while so idk.

id title this “if im being honest” to like show im trying to get my rthoughts out with no real filtering but aaah idk. i dont wanna do it bc the title would be like. bigger and semibold and itd draw attention to  it. i want this to not be read by people but maybe someone will. i have like 2 or 3 people in mind who would maybe maybe maybe read this but i dont know. its really not anything so you shouldnt read it. maybe someone could skim this. is that how you say it. also there is some filtering of my thoughts because i dont wanna name anyone im not looking for trouble i just wanna talk into the void and feel better and maybe this is really it. i do feel kind of relaxed now. my uhhh wrists, yeah thats what theyre fcalled, they kinda hurt and my fingers dont hurt but like, the joints are very,,,accentuated? but not like visually they just. i can conciously feel them? and my throat and kinda eyes? thats bc of almost kinda crying but lol idk. and like ive always hated accentuated feelings and i read this thing on wikipedia about sensory overload and idk if its a normal thing that happens like when something stings or hurts or if its a symptom of something or i dont know but ive always kinda joked about it and its also related to tics. ticks? ticks. tics. and its not really what im feeling rn but its a thing that happens sometimes. kind of. but like when u walk up the stairs and u feel ur right leg has been doing/making more effort pushing u up than ur left leg and u try to balance out the effort and it can be hurtful i guess bc if something like an eye or arm hurts u try to balance out the pain and that can be bad dont do that but like i can do it bc i wont do it in bad scenarios. i went off track lololol sorry

this is kind of what my mind speeches and discourses look like so yeah i hope this goes unnoticed or someone notices it and i can just say nah dude im good trust me because i am i think and u should maybe probably trust me bc usually i have it better than everyone i talk to online or in real life so its fine if u trust me because its nothing to worry about really. ur precious and u desrrve more attention than whatever this thingy is. take care of yourself. the only thing ur allowed to think about this post if u read it (or not but like sure), according to my selfish brain, is that oh wow its cool that u tried mimicking (??) ur thoufhts and id be lioke yeah haha i dont even know whats wriitten in here anymroe im cool like that hahahhahahhhhhhhahha hehe hoho hihi you know. so dont feel anything else than indifference and maybe admiration. i wouldnt say the former if this were something i put thought into but it isnt so enjoy! honesty. kinda.

[thiefcat-niao]

Ending the Session (Chapter 2)

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh!   Characters/Ships: Gemshipping (Thief King Bakura/Ryou Bakura); Ryou Bakura, Thief King Bakura, Atem, Yugi Mutuo, Zorc Necrophades Rating: T Length: Chapter 2 / 3; 2400 words

Summary:

Into Ryou’s lonely apartment comes a spirit, an ancient power that speaks and manifests through the Ouija board kept beneath the bed. It calls itself Tou, and claims to be human. Ryou believes.

Read on AO3  Previous Chapter – Next Chapter (Coming Soon~)

Chapter Two: A King of Thieves 

For nearly a week, Ryou spoke to the spirit daily—sometimes twice daily. Yugi commented that Ryou seemed happier, when they met for coffee. Ryou shrugged off the comment, mumbling some half-truth about doing well in his classes. In reality, his homework hadn't been getting done with quite the level of diligence he usually held himself to.

Ryou hadn't learned much about how the spirit, Tou, had lived, but it didn't much matter. He had learned, in his estimation, many far more important things. Tou was pragmatic, for instance, and jaded, but had an unexpectedly lively sense of humor. At first Ryou had struggled to detect the spirit's jokes, through the toneless board. But he'd also grown far more attuned to the feel of Tou's presence, in his apartment, and fancied that he could sense Tou's general emotional state.

It worried Ryou that the spirit would grow suddenly tense, at times; would flicker with what appeared to be anxiety, or at least agitation, and usually request and end to the session. While Tou always offered fatigue as the explanation—and sometimes it was; Ryou could feel the weight of the spirit's exhaustion—those times were different. Ryou wondered what could cause a spirit like Tou to feel that way, and decided he had no basis with which to even form a hypothesis.

"i know whats keeping me here..." Tou had said, "and its not a thing you can help me deal with..." Ryou wished that that weren't true, but accepted it nevertheless, and so didn't pry.

Ryou stood, one evening, at the stove, preparing diner. The apartment was quiet. He was looking forward to speaking to Tou, later, but for the moment was quite enraptured in his cooking. The sizzling strips of meat made a pleasant crackling, and Ryou hummed along with the sound. They filled the apartment, too, with a heady aroma of meat and herbs, and Ryou bent in over the stove to assess whether or not he needed to add more of any particular seasoning before checking his rice on the rear burner.

The pepper grinder, on the far side of the counter, struck the ground with a jarring crash, and Ryou jumped. He looked around; heard nothing, save for the sizzling of beef in the pan. He glanced down at the pepper, rolling pensively across the floor.

"Tou...?"

The pepper grinder picked up speed suddenly—bumped into Ryou's foot. He smiled.

"Give me a second, okay?" Turning back to the stove, he lowered the heat; checked his rice again, and then scampered from the room. When he returned, he had the Ouija board tucked under his arm. He placed it beside the bloodied cutting board on his counter and opened it.

"Hello, Tou!"

"your dinner smells maddeningly good...” was the immediate reply, and Ryou chuckled.

"Is that all you wanted to tell me?"

"its important...” The pointer moved rapidly, a challenge to read, even for someone as practiced as Ryou. "youre a really good cook...”

"I didn't realize you could smell."

"i can hear and see and smell... i just cant touch or taste... no body yknow..."

"Fair enough."

"i want some of your dinner so badly i could die..."

"I wish you could join me," Ryou said, honestly.

There was a pause, and Ryou tilted his head; waited patiently. He could tell that the spirit hadn't left.

"thanks for talking to me...”

"Of course!" Ryou said, surprised. "I'm happy you want to talk to me, too!"

"its not so common for humans to contact us... not so common for them to be so open either... usually they get freaked out the first time they manage to make contact and then never do it again and usually theyre these stupid kids drunk or just real jerks not the likable type at all...

It was a long, rambling message, and Ryou waited for the pointer to still. Then he said, "I've used the board a lot. I've gotten responses, before, but never a spirit who's come back more than once or twice, let alone actually initiated the contact. It's really nice!"

Again, there was a pause, and when the pointer moved it did so rather slowly. "how do you know im not a bad spirit...”

"I don't, I guess, not for sure. But I don't think you are."

"when i told you i was called tou that was a bit of a lie... half a lie...”

"Oh?" Ryou tilted his head; waited for the spirit to continue.

"i was called touzokuo... king of thieves...”

"Oh. That's a cool title."

"cool you say cool...” The pointer moved so fast it almost jarred Ryou's hand free, and he jumped. "hahahahahaha... youre weird you know that... king of thieves is what they call a bad guy... i was a bad guy when i was alive...”

"That doesn't mean you're a bad spirit, now that you're not alive," Ryou said patiently, and the pointer fell still. There was the faint smell of something beginning to burn.

"youre a kind person to say that... but you should be careful... i had quite a reputation as not only a thief... but a killer..."

"I don't sense any blood-lust from you now, though," Ryou said, and the spirit was silent. "You aren't a bad spirit. I may not have any way to know, but I'm sure of it."

The pointer stayed still, for another moment, and then moved toward "goodbye." Ryou hurried to ask another question before it got there.

"What was your favorite food, when you were alive?!" he blurted—the first thing that came to his mind. To his relief, the pointer stilled.

"roast pig..." was the slow response, after a beat. Ryou smiled, relieved.

"Really? I'm more of a dessert person, myself, but savory foods can be really good. Especially when you're hungry."

"aha... thats very true..."

"Were you hungry, a lot? Is that why you became a thief?"

"dont try to make excuses for what i just told you..."

"I'm not," Ryou huffed, a bit indignant. "I just want to know you better. I want to understand you."

"i was hungry..." the thief said, after a moment. "i was angry too... i wanted to get back at the whole world..."

Ryou considered that, then said, "I wish you could join me, for supper."

"your foods starting to burn... you should get that... itd be tragic to ruin it..."

Ryou nodded, but as he went to leave the board, some near-physical force held his hand to the pointer.

"r-y-o-u" the spirit spelled out, with a force that surprised the human boy. "end the session... never leave without saying goodbye... youve used the board enough to know that..."

Ryou hesitated, then nodded. "Sorry. You're right, of course... Goodbye, Tou."

And the pointer, in response, moved to, "goodbye".

... ... ...

Ryou stifled a yawn; popped a piece for chocolate into his mouth, and took a swallow of coffee. The apartment felt unusually empty—devoid, in a rare moment, of spirits. And, though he knew he should sleep, Ryou had to take the opportunity to do research while he had the apartment to himself. So there he sat, at his desk, the light of the computer screen tinting his white hair light blue.

"King of Thieves... Thief King... Touzokuo..."

So far, he hadn't found any historical figures matching those titles, but they were sufficiently vague enough to render standard search engines all but useless.

It was three in the morning; Ryou took another sip of his coffee.

'Didn't he say... wait, that garbled message...'

Scrabbling through some papers beneath his bed, Ryou found the notebook he'd had during his first conversation with the spirit that called itself Touzokuo. He returned to his desk, then looked at the word that hadn't made any sense, at the time; the word he'd assumed to be some sort of spiritual typo: nedjem.

Ryou ate another piece of candy; it had a pressed brown sugar center inside of milk chocolate, and he let it melt in his mouth, feeling the graininess as he rubbed his tongue against the roof of his mouth. He typed "nedjem" into the computer, and hit enter.

At first, nothing interesting showed up—the search engine tried to autocorrect his query to needed. So he tried "meaning of word nedjem," and hit enter once again.

A... carob pod...?

Ryou's eyes widened slightly as he stared, surprised, at the hieroglyph that had appeared on his screen. He clicked on the first result, and read aloud, "Ancient Egyptian hieroglyph signifying 'sweet,' represented visually by a carob pod and thought to be said as 'nedjem.' One instance documents a doubling of the symbol, presumably read 'nedjemnedjem,' to indicate a pleasing concubine."

Ryou took a deep breath; tasted the sugar thick on his tongue, and took a drink of coffee to wash it down.

Ancient... Egypt...

It made sense, the more he thought about it. Though he'd passed off the spirit's reference to Anubis, Anubis being a fairly well-known symbol of death even in modern times, it made a lot more sense if he considered it as an influence of the spirit's original culture.

So what did I ask? Why "nedjem"?

He had asked what the spirit was called—Tou. He'd asked what the spirit was—h-u-m-a-n. He'd asked if the spirit had made contact with the living before—once or twice.

Ryou ate a marshmallowy piece of candy that got stuck in his teeth, and momentarily distracted himself getting it out with his tongue.

Then, it struck him.

"youre odd... different from others ive talked to..."

"Really? How so?"

"n-e-d-j-e-m"

Ryou's hands flew to his face, and he tried not to read into the odd answer, now that he knew what the long-extinct word meant. After a few more fruitless internet searches, he'd worked himself into enough of a frenzy that the mere thought of sleep was impossible. And, the internet having failed him, he reached for his cell phone and knocked his pencil holder off his desk in the attempt.

... ... ...

"Hnn..." Yugi Mutou raised his head as his cheerful ringtone cut through the silence. He dragged himself to the side of the bed, ignoring the bleary, angry muttering of the man sleeping beside him, and observed the time on the glowing screen—3:47—and the name. "Unh... Ryou-kun...? What is it...?"

"Yugi-kun! Ah, I'm so sorry, did I wake you?"

"Ryou-kun, it's almost four in the morning..." Yugi stifled a yawn; listened to his friend squeak and shuffle frantically on the other end of the line.

"I-I'm so sorry! I-I forgot, for a second... haha! I can call back tomorrow, if—"

"Ryou, I'm awake. What's up?" Yugi settled in, arms folded beneath his chin and atop his pillow.

"Ahh—! O-Okay, then... well... has Atem ever mentioned a legendary Thief King, from Ancient Egypt?"

"Thief King?" Yugi echoed, and was startled when his bed-partner bolted suddenly upright. "Atem! What's—?!"

"Who's on the phone, Yugi?"

"Great Ra..." Yugi breathed, and Ryou made a questioning sound. "Hey, Atem just woke up... Do you want to talk to him?"

"Oh Yugi, that would be wonderful! Are you sure he wouldn't mind?"

"Give me the phone, Yugi," Atem commanded, though his eyes were shadowed with sleep and his hair was sticking out to the side, as opposed to his usual vertical spikes.

"He wouldn't mind at all," Yugi told Ryou, and then held out the phone to his boyfriend.

"Oh! Atem! Sorry to bother, at this hour, I just... got all caught up, and—"

"Out with it, Bakura," Atem commanded, and Ryou squeaked. "What's this about the Thief King?"

"I just... well, you're an Egyptologist, after all, and that's where you're from, anyway, so I figured if anyone would know anything about—"

"Where did you hear about the Thief King, though?" Atem demanded, and Ryou swallowed audibly.

"So there is something..."

"Bakura, tell me where you heard that title," Atem said, his voice low and almost threatening. Yugi pulled worriedly at the sleeve of his nightshirt.

"I just... I mean... a friend. A friend mentioned him." Ryou's voice was shaking.

"Don't lie to me, Ryou Bakura."

"Atem, don't scare him," Yugi implored. "You know how he is..."

"O-Okay..." Ryou began hesitantly. "Y-You know how I like to play around with Ouija boards, occasionally...?"

Atem scrambled up; stumbled from the bed, much to Yugi's increased distress, and cursed as he tripped over a discarded piece of clothing. "You didn't. Tell me you're not going to say what I think you're about to say, Bakura. Tell me you don't have the spirit of the Thief King in your apartment."

"Well, not at this exact moment, but—"

"Great Ra!" Atem fumbled with his coat; threw it on over his nightclothes as Yugi began to follow him from the bed. "Okay, Bakura, I need you to leave that apartment immediately, do you understand? I'm coming to get you."

"Wait, what?!" Ryou spluttered, and Yugi called out his boyfriend's name in confusion. Atem ignored them both.

"This—this is why Ouija boards have a bad reputation, Ryou," Atem continued, hopping into his shoes. "You've gone and summoned something bad, now, something very bad, and—"

"Tou wouldn't hurt me!" Ryou objected suddenly, and Atem cursed.

"Listen to me, Ryou—the so-called Thief King is a demon-god. You know I was a pharaoh in a previous life, don't you? I lived during the same time as the Thief King."

"You knew him?!"

"I killed him, Bakura, when he tried to kill me! After he—!" Atem cut himself off; muttered a curse. "He isn't human—he's a demon, as I said, a demon called Zorc, who took on human form to kill the pharaoh—to kill me, and those I loved."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Ryou objected.

"He's deceiving you! He's the best damned liar I've ever met in any lifetime, believe me, and now he's lying to you! I'm coming over, okay? You stay on the phone with me now, and—Bastet!" Atem cursed.

Yugi—a few steps behind him, on the way to the door—yelped. "What?!"

"Little asshole hung up on me!" Atem fumed; handed Yugi his phone. "Try to call him. We're going to his apartment."

"Atem, is he... really in danger...?"

"Not unless he's done something really stupid like opened a portal..." Atem muttered, flinging the door open and flying down the apartment stairs, Yugi on his heals. "Gods... let him be safe... I can't lose another friend... not to that bastard Thief King... not in this lifetime..."

[teddy-feathers]

In middleschool... I figured I must be straight because itd be pretty 'wanting to be special' of me to think I might be gay.

Dad's cool in that during serious talks he ALWAYS included 'or girls' to the point I wanted to roll my eyes because 'yes, I get it, thats implied by now get to the point' so I never worried what my family would think if I did bring home a girl.

But depsite most likely probably being striaght because in my mind that was the 'default' I decided that with half the population being girls who was I to say no if my soul mate turned out to be a girl? Or like multiple people?

So I promised myself Id keep an open mind if anything happened.

In highschool i realized... I hated everything to do with dating.

To top it off I was aggressively proactive about noticing and then bullying anyone who showed interest in me because I was not about to let them make their feelings my problem.

But yeah. Romance? Being treated 'like a girl'? Sexy fun times that we weren't old enough for and could WAIT until we were if we ever wanted to...

And how otherwise cool friendships changed. Or. Like. How. Friendship became a consolation prize? Or as one guy put it my second semester in college 'girls are only friends with guys they dont want to fuck'

Hell and even if i ever did want to date - don't you have to like know a person before you want to fuck them?

Had I known what aromantic was or demisexuality id have claimed that in a heart beat in highschool.

Nothing about dating appealed and... While hormones were a thing I REFUSED to ever be controlled by mine thank you very much.

This didn't really... Change. In college.

I felt the same about romance and sex but... I also felt. Kinda guilty.

A few people liked me weirdly enough and. Even though it was super frustrating that when all i wanted was a close deep friendship with people they wanted MORE I still felt. Bad. That they liked me.

Like I had tricked them somehow?

And then once i dropped out and just atarted working full time... I just. Really was lonely and wanted a friend and... I figured. Why NOT give dating a shot.

I mean. They liked me and dating was supposed to get to know someone.

And i dated really sweet cool people. Like. Great friends had a good time.

First time a guy went to kiss me? I was COMPLETELY terrified. Completely. Couldnt figure out why my heart tried to drop out of my chest when i realized what was about to happen but while part of it was I didn't know how the fuck to kiss... I also just. Wasn't ready.

But... I kinda. Did everything eventually. Even though i wasnt ready. And like. The people I slept with weren't. Bad. And were def great partners and nice and did and said all the right things and totally would have backed off or... Idk not proceeded had they known just how hard i had to talk myself into shit.

But during? I was making lists in my head. I was waiting for it to be over. I wasn't... Invovled. All that build up of hormones for something that felt a lot like... Something i didnt particularly want to do and didn't really. Enjoy. Not for lack of trying but. It really wasnt my thing.

And. Now i know. Some tricks. To get me in the mood and maybe even keep me there if I wanted to participate but. It's not really. My thing. Worth it?

And most of the time if it involves another person im just kinda low key 'ick i dont want anything to do with your arousal or the process thereafter'.

And... Kinda like high school my brain still thinks sex is funny and its great for a laugh and im not. Ashamed of talking about shit that I really should learn to filter but.

Its only interesting as a joke or something... That has absolutely nothing to do with me.

As for romance... Love is complicated.

They tell you youll know when youre in love.

My emotional metaphorical heart has done many scary things for many reasons but not once did i... Fall in love.

I can only say this with surety in retrospect because. I care deeply about my friends and I was very very lonely and desperate not to be alone at various points.

And i thought... Love was something that grew between people given time.

But.

[kkurafilm]

Hi Yes Hello this is me gettign ahead of myself and

writing out an entire concept for jbj.

jbj has 7 members

what comes in 7? DEADLY SINS

Ideally Sanggyun would be pride, Donghan gluttony, Yongguk as sloth, Kenta as lust, Taedong as envy, Hyunbin as greed, and Taehyun as wrath.

So i thought hey itd be real cool if they have a cell block tango-esque type of thing u kno, but then i thought more and im like,, wait..... we can have a whole bonnie and clyde situation here

for people unfamiliar, triple H's 365 fresh mv gives the same vibe

Sanggyun, Hyunbin, and Donghan (all charged with theft before meeting each other), the OG gang, pulls up on a diner where Kenta and Yongguk part-times at

They join the crew and while small little robberies and whatnots are exhilerating, they're not as grandeur as Hyunbin likes, so he contacts the pros - Taehyun who has insiders within the law and Taedong a notorious hacker (or sth idk hacker seems unoriginal but i cant think of anything else rn)

Their roles as the 7 sins respectively start to unfold on the road. Donghan and Yongguk's are easy because Yongguk would almost always be sitting in the car, claiming to be on the lookout, and Donghan would be the last one out of the robberies, shoving extra bucks in his coat pocket. Tho since gluttony and greed (Hyunbin) are so similar, the only thing that could make it clear that Donghan is gluttony would be for him to be the first one caught - gluttony is a lack of self control rather than lack of generosity n all that.

For Taehyun, he'd be the one with the gun, and the only one in the bunch whos charged with murder while the others with vandalism or theft and whatnot. 

Kenta would buddy up with Sanggyun, and by that i mean tasteful homoerotic subtext, and cause Taedong (envy) to be,, well ukno... envious, not bc the whole love triangle thing its just bc lets say he lost his lover or sth and he hates seeing them all sappy.

With Donghan caught, the sudden lacking in one area causes the whole thing to slowly crumble. Let's say Donghan does the scoping out pre-show, making sure that they're good to go. Without him, they go into it a little bit more blindly and BOOM Hyunbin's caught.

Sanggyun his Best Frend wants to go to rescue Hyunbin who's the only other original 3 left and all that. Taedong and his deadly sin acts up, since the whole thing w Kenta u kno, and follows them, knowing that its bad timing and theyll get caught so why not bring Kenta down too. 2 birds with one stone.

At that point Taedong wouldn't care if he himself gets caught anyways. So he goes with them w/o them knowing, stays a few steps behidn everything they do n all that. They get caught, Taedong does too, a few seconds later. 

The cops r like,, so.... we know theres someone else in your little crew and we want their name not their alias. (its kenta btw)

Sanggyun starts making up names in his head and was gonna say a fake one outloud before Taedong gets to it before him and says Kenta's real name.

Shit happens and because they know Kenta's name they found out Kenta and Taehyun's hiding place. They go to court too.

The only one left is Yongguk, who goes back to his normal day life just like nothing happened and CAN HE PLEASE GET THE LAST 2 LINES IN THE SONG LIKE I CAN SEE IT ALREADY HES JUST PLOPPED DOWN ON HIS COUCH AFTER THAT LONG ASS RIDE AND HE DEADPANS THAT LINE AND SMIRKS AND THE SCREEN GOES BLACK.

tldr; 7 deadly sins bonnie and clyde concept: Donghan goes first, then Hyunbin, then Sanggyun and Taedong, then Kenta and Taehyun, which leaves us with Yongguk.

[oceansunsets]

rules: complete all the questions you want, expand and explain your answers as much as you want, and have fun!

if you can, tag some people you want to join in on the fun!

i got tagged by @ladytective thank you, sam!! ^^ uuhh and i dont know who to tag so whoops ifdjsjefds

what ability would you have in the bsd universe? (what would it be called? what’s it’s purpose? how does it work?)

this one, im not really sure on... theres nothing that comes to me, i guess? ive never thought much about what kind of ability i would have if i were to be in the bsd universe whoops- so i guess ill have to skip this one? (will come back and edit later, though, if i figure anything out!)

if you could claim someone’s ability in bsd, whose ability would you want?

i would say... no longer human. to me, its an interesting idea to be able to nullify the abilities of others. and i guess what fascinates me the most is the fact that, there could easily be limits or consequences to using it too much or using it on a powerful being that isnt mentioned, and itd be cool to find that out for myself.

but theres rashomon (who wouldnt want a black beast who could destroy a lot?) and beast beneath the moonlight (you can turn into a tiger. a tiger)

what group/organization would you join?

(ex. guild, port mafia, armed detective agency, rats, etc.)

definitely the agency. its always been my favorite, even after all these others have been introduced, and all the members in it have all claimed my heart in one way or another. itd be really cool to join them in whatever they do, even if i probably suck at it.

which bsd character do you identify with the most?

i would say... atsushi. with the fact of having very little self worth and self esteem, around the beginning of the series. but hes getting better and im so proud of him, and can only hope that i can get better too!

but also,,,poe in terms of shyness and i guess getting anxious over being in crowds of people you dont know. im very open online, but tense up way too easily in person.

who are your top five favourite bsd characters?

imma just go out and say: i love all of the characters listed equally. they all mean so much to me

1. atsushi nakajima - first chapter, stole my heart. as the series continued on? he just kept doing it

2. yumeno kyusaku - BABY! DANGEROUS BABY BUT BABY! LET ME ADOPT  YOU AND GIVE YOU TONS OF LOVE!

3. osamu dazai - hes such an interesting character to learn about

4. kenji miyazawa - precious farmer boy who i also want to adopt pls

5. edgar allan poe - hes so cute and precious and??? adorable??? pls thats not fair

are there any authors that you’d want to bring into the bsd universe that hasn’t arrived yet? or do you have ocs?

uhh,,,no to either of those questions. nothing i can think of, at least. whoops-

favorite scene(s)?

every,,,dazatsu moment,,,ever,,, but also, the party in chapter 37. especially with how poe was, and kenji coming over to him like “do you want a drink? : D”

favorite quotes from the authors/characters?

both quotes are from dazai,,,both quotes are to atsushi,,, ‘do not pity yourself. if you wallow in self-pity, life will be an endless nightmare’ and ‘as someone who understands suffering, you resisted violence and evil, and saved many people who were in positions of weakness’

who would you want to bring to life to be your best friend? waifu/husbando?

honestly,,,i would want yumeno to be my best friend. id want to make him happy and have a lot of fun with him.

and then,,,honestly,,,*grabby hands* give me atsu bb as my waifu/husbando pls i dont care which version just any atsu

how has bungou stray dogs changed you as a person? did you learn anything from it?

theres a lot i learned from it, actually! i think its really helped me start to figure out who i truly am, that its okay to go throw all these things, as long as you dont constantly remind yourself of the bad, that you can keep fighting even when it feels like its all hopeless. theres so much more too but,,,thatd take forever to talk about.