#but if they do I think that’s the way they’d go

[afterglowkatie]

someone better | l.w.

leah williamson x reader | 2.6k | There was always someone better. You never felt like you’re enough for anyone, especially not yourself. Would anyone really miss you?

ˏˋ°•*⁀ Heavy themes include: suicidal thoughts, depression, low mental health, thoughts about a suicide attempt, intrusive thoughts, negative thoughts. Please read if you can handle things like that. sorry if it doesn't make sense, it's essentially a vent fic i just needed to get things out it's been a low day so yeah

The air was crisp. You could see your own breath, which would’ve been amusing when you were a kid but now it was a reminder that you were alive. You didn’t mind the cold, at least it gave you something to feel other than the numbness that had taken over your body. The rooftop access in your apartment building wasn’t secured and was never monitored so you found peace in sneaking up onto the rooftop to think and reflect. Seeing the city’s skyline, it was beautiful. A stark contrast to the awful thoughts that plagued your mind. 

Watching the lights shimmering below, all the people that wandered the streets below, all the people that were in their own apartments, yet you never felt more alone than you do right now. A bit ironic. Shakily taking a breath, you decided to sit lean against the edge of the building and let your thoughts consume you. There was no stopping it so why not let your mind run free when you’re in a space without any interruptions. Even if letting your mind run free meant it was slowly killing you in the process.

The thought of death was always in the back of your mind, occasionally making its way to the front when you thought you had exhausted all your other coping mechanisms. Another irony, when you were younger you were always afraid of death. Afraid of dying, but now more than ever it was what you craved. You would happily welcome death if it meant you could disappear from life to never return. Never having to face the pain and suffering of everyday life again.

It’s not like anyone would miss you, or even notice or care that you were gone. That was it really, no one needed you. A hard thought to stomach, one that made your head spin, that made you fall deeper than you already were. They all had someone better, someone more important to them than you were. You were always just someone they could use to fill the time before someone better came along.

Every time you got attached to someone, you’d eventually lose whatever friendship you had with them. A ‘filler friend’, you would call yourself. The one no one thought about unless they needed you or if they had no one else. Always a last resort, never a first choice. No one would truly miss you. They might say they do but a day later they’d go about life like normal and never think or say your name again. You knew these thoughts were irrational to an extent, although the part of you that believed that these negative thoughts were the truth always won. This was the truth that others were afraid of telling you. The truth you had to tell yourself.

You had convinced yourself that all you do is break, burn and drain the life out of others. Always trying to be the person they needed, the person they wanted you to be regardless of your own feelings and pain. Which you obliged, learning from a young age that all you had was yourself. Your own problems and thoughts were only yours to carry. Quickly learning to suppress emotions, fake smiles, and keep a bubbly personality around anyone else. No one needed to be burdened by you, your absence in life would be a blessing, even if no one else knew it yet they would realise not long after you’d left.

But that’s the thing, everyone else in your past had left or moved on. What made anyone else at Arsenal any different? It would be silly to think that this club would stay the same until everyone ended their careers. You all seemed like a family, but even families broke apart. It would also be silly to think that even if everyone separated that you would all stay in contact. Maybe for a little while but it wouldn’t take long before everyone drifted apart from each other, before anyone drifted apart from you. You thought you were easily forgotten. So what difference would it make if you decided to leave now? You were tired of trying to live. Trying to live to everyone’s expectations of who you were and who you should be.

You were more than grateful for how far football has come and thankful for all the fans and support from everyone online and in person. But with that continued to grow the expectations you had to live up to. You were the team’s ray of sunshine. Even the fans saw you that way. You were the one that gave everyone hope. Always knowing how to help lift your teammates up when they were feeling low, especially after a loss of an important match. You never wanted anyone to feel the way you felt now, the way you had always felt. Which is why you continued to put that weight on yourself.

Though being the team’s source of positivity and hope was exhausting. You were getting tired and felt that no one noticed how broken you had become on the inside. Slowly becoming a shell of who you once were, but you would try your best to never let anyone see. Especially not let your teammates see. You were good at that. At never letting anyone in enough for them to see how much pain you suppress each day. No one had to see how much you tear yourself apart just to be enough. To be enough for them, enough for a friendship you saw them all have with each other. 

Friendships were hard, you weren’t funny or interesting enough to keep anyone around for long. Your insecurities were always eating you alive. You found comfort in the coldness of the night more often than you would’ve liked to admit. Your midnight rooftop escapes were becoming more frequent, less time spent in bed and less time spent sleeping. It gives you more time to reflect. Typically hyperfocusing and reflecting on the way each individual group within the team interacted with each other. Always wishing you were enough to have a friendship that they all seemed to have with each other. Sometimes it felt like you were an outsider looking in.

It’s how it always went. You tried to put your all, your entire heart, into friendships and trying to keep connections with others. But it was all so exhausting and tiring. Past experiences constantly kept tainting any new opportunities. People in your past thought it was easier to constantly fumble and drop your heart, letting it shatter into tiny pieces leaving you to try to put it back together before the next person came along to do the exact same. You were used to the cycle, it had happened growing up within your family home life, within your last club, it was exhausting. It left you feeling constantly broken and empty and thinking that maybe you just weren’t deserving of a deeper friendship. Part of you likes to believe that you are deserving but lately it has been harder and harder to believe in that. It has become harder and harder to believe that if you stuck around long enough that things would change, that you would find what you were yearning for. But at the end of the day, who would want someone like you in their life?

Maybe you overthink too much, perhaps you let your mind have too much free range that it makes you believe these awful thoughts. That it makes you believe no one enjoys your company and that everyone would be better off without you. You didn’t know how to control them once they started. Your mind just taking you through each one of your teammates, showing you they were fine without you, better off without you in their lives. 

Though your mind would happily let you forget and not notice how much everyone in the team cared for you. How they had started to notice that you were slowly fading away. You never saw the hushed whispers and how the group conversations had started to slowly shift into others voicing their worries and concerns for you. You were always so lost in your mind during these episodes that you missed the way you gained extra attention from Leah. Leah was always quite attentive and never failed to notice changes in you.

Finally feeling the chill of the air, you blew heat into your hands rubbing them together. Leaning against the edge you looked down. The thoughts to end everything then and there easily slipped into your mind. It was high enough that it would be a definite permanent action, but you could never bring yourself to follow through. Though tonight, everything telling you to follow through with your thoughts were louder than they had ever been. Closing your eyes, you inhaled deeply. The cold air burning your lungs. The burning feeling you had become used to the more you spent out at nights. Somehow your body could feel numb and on fire at the same time. Perhaps it was just your anxiety but you would never admit to that. Admitting to your feelings is acknowledging that they’re there and that there’s a problem you had to fix. You’d rather pretend.

Looking down once more you were reminded of the one constant you had in your life. The one person who made you feel everything, the one that could make you believe life was worth living. Leah. Were you selfish for feeling this way when you had someone who would give you the world, who would give you everything she had? You felt selfish, that’s for sure. Leah was always enough for you, but there was that one part of you that wanted a friendship so similar to the friendship Leah provided for you before your relationship turned into something more than friends. Thinking about Leah gave you a semblance of hope. A continued faith that you’ll be okay in the long term, a reminder that right now was a short term feeling.

Turning away from the edge and the sidewalk that was calling your name, you decided to go back to the warmth of your apartment and the person who was currently occupying one side of your bed. Rubbing your arms, trying to defrost a little before climbing in beside Leah. You didn’t want to share the coldness that plagued your body when all she ever offered you was warmth, both physically and mentally. Leah looked peaceful while she slept, you smiled. It wasn’t big but it was real. Your smile around Leah was always real, no matter how small. You love Leah, and if you couldn’t live for yourself you would do it all for her. Eventually you would be able to do it for yourself, but anything that helped keep you here, keep you alive was enough until you could manage to want it for yourself.

Leah knew how much you were trying. She saw the pain in your eyes, she knew you well enough to be able to see right through you. You never liked to keep things from Leah, but you could never find the right words to tell her so you silently hoped she could see. Leah knew you went up to the rooftop most nights, but she also knew you were strong enough to pull yourself away and back into her arms when you needed it. She had followed you up to the rooftop, curious to see where you had been spending your nights. She watched from afar, worried since you were too close to the edge for her liking. But then she saw the way you were able to take yourself away from the edge and back down. 

Leah watched from afar for a little while. Every single time you came back down to bed Leah would give you endless amounts of love and support. Whispering words of encouragement and praise that you didn’t think you needed to hear. Leah trusts that you would come to her if your thoughts ever got too much. And as much as you wouldn’t want to burden her, you also know deep down you would seek her out instead of following over the edge of the rooftop.

Every time she was thankful to see you walk back through the doors to your apartment, to your room, even if you hardly slept she knew you were safe. Knowing that you wouldn’t accept the help from anyone if they offered it outright, Leah would help you in other ways. Subtle ways that you hadn’t completely noticed yet. Leah would make sure all the laundry was done, folded and put away. She watered all the plants you had forgotten about so they wouldn’t die and when you left this episode you wouldn’t feel bad for neglecting your babies. Leah would give you a routine that you followed each day so you didn’t have to use up the energy you needed to use to fight on something mundane, on something Leah could do for you. 

She wanted you to be able to give your all into this fight, one she knew you would be doing on and off for the rest of your life. But if it meant having you around then she would do whatever it took. Leah knew you were capable of taking care of yourself but she also knows how hard it can be to get up and fight to live every day. Leah was proud of you for continuing to get through every day.

Leah smiled when she woke up to you climbing into bed, before dawn she noticed which was a new record for you lately. Instantly Leah was in your embrace, the smile on her face just from your presence lulled the screaming thoughts enough for you to believe you could have some sense of sleep.

‘I hope it wasn’t too cold out there tonight,’ Leah’s voice was low and raspy, a mix of trying to not be too loud with it being so late in the night along with having just woken up, ‘Wouldn’t want you to catch a cold baby,’ Leaning down you placed a kiss on the top of her head, her thoughtfulness was comforting.

‘You don’t have to worry about me Le,’ You felt her body suddenly stiffen at your words, tending to overanalyse your words and thinking the worst, ‘You’re stuck with me forever babe,’ A small chuckle left your lips and Leah started to relax again in your arms. Maybe you weren’t a problem in people’s lives, maybe you needed better judgement on who to give your heart to. Giving your heart to Leah was easy, you know she’ll keep it safe. Romance always comes easily to you. Giving your heart to a friend was where you struggled. But now wasn’t the time to lose yourself again.

‘Never forget you have a place in this world. You’re special, important and loved,’ Leah always knew what to say and when to say it. It was like she could read your mind, which at times scared you, ‘I love you,’

‘I love you too, Le,’ Holding her close gave you hope that one day you could feel whole again, ‘Now, my love, you need to sleep,’ Even though she was in and out of sleep you could still cause a faint blush to spread across her face just from your words.

‘Only if you sleep,’ Before Leah knew it she had fallen back to sleep. Watching Leah sleep, you like to believe her peaceful aura would send you to sleep and that it wasn’t you falling asleep from pure exhaustion. Your fight was far from over, you were only just beginning but she gave you the strength you needed each day to make progress. Always reminding you on days you made no progress that waking up and living was progress enough. Making it through each day, no matter what, was enough. You were enough for Leah. You were enough for everyone else around you. You just had to believe to be enough for yourself.

[punkpandapatrixk]

🧝🏻‍♀️Mystical Glow-Up Secrets ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

Your mystical glow-up is literally divinely ordained, no cap HAHAH I’ve got this vibe from the deck-bottom but let me start with this quote:

'A Humanity that thinks materialistically will produce frightful beings in the future, and a Humanity that thinks spiritual thoughts, will work upon and transform the future organism so that beautiful Human bodies will proceed from it.' – Rudolf Steiner

Oh, gosh.

We are in an era of spiritual consciousness. This is an era where we learn to reflect outwardly what it means to be a 5D-Consciousness Being. Living in a 5D consciousness, people naturally feel lighter, freer, younger, prettier, healthier, more fit, more stress-free, more energetic; all because people's whole vibrations are 'triggered' by a more spiritual ae-nergy.

ae is known as chi or prana or orgone in other languages; by synchronizing with your ae, ever so organically your body learns to derive vital energy from a purer source of consciousness—a high vibration of aetheric authenticity—that reflects in the physical world as a glow-up of the highest divine order~♥︎

As your Mind comes into alignment with the ae of your Spirit, so your Body becomes attuned to that Order. The significance of ae will only grow as more people come into a spiritual kind of liberation from the chains of insecurity propagated by the monsters in the media and politics.

No matter what the propaganda of the moment may say and try to do, you could always be the conscious individual that distils information and derives from this process only the essence of what is good for you on a personal level. If you’re happy, satisfied, confident and proud with your intelligent conscious choices, that spark of contentment is what truly makes a person glow from the inside out~★

education: Body Care and Grooming (1948)

technomagy: Facial Symmetry with Muscle Toning (Energetic Programmed Audio) by Sapien Medicine

deck-bottom: XX Judgement Rx, Silver Historian (Polydore Vergil), Priestess of Beauty

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Pile 1 – As You Mend Your Heart, Babe, All of You Gets Beautiful Again

assistance: what is coming is 100000x better than what is gone by doyouflow

what’s been taken from you? – 9 of Wands

Although this is a 9 of Wands card, I see that the entirety of your Pile is water-based. You’re someone whose heart is very pure and kind, and you’ve sacrificed a lot of yourself for being there for others. I’m hearing: ‘for a pessimist I was pretty optimistic, and I got nothing—NOTHING—but betrayal and abandonment, and I am exhausted.’ Being charitable around the wrong fucker can surely drain our spiritual aenergy!

You’ve been through multiple cycles of ‘exhausting’ friendships with people who couldn’t appreciate you for the delicate human that you are. They only saw you as this fiery, strong, charismatic capable individual who always managed to whip up a positive attitude in any circumstances. It never occurred to them—not that they’d care to wonder anyway—that maybe this time around you’re the one needing a hug.

Nobody cared; and even the ones who pretended to care, only wanted to know what your gloominess was all about. And they went on to talk shit behind your back and had a good laugh about it. ‘MU HA HA HA, turns out Y/N ain’t even that shit! Y/N is pretty pathetic/loser/crazy BU HA HA HA HA!!!’ Funny thing is, you always knew about their shit one way or another and the whole revelation broke your heart to pieces. Multiple times with different people… tsk tsk…

recalling fragments of your beauty – 9 of Cups

Well, now, I can see you’ve lost a lot of these ‘friends’ and worked on yourself to create new neural pathways towards a truer sense of spiritual abundance. I’m sure right now your Life is pretty OK in areas like finance and material security; your job or creative project is going swimmingly; you have a pretty good work-life balance; and for the most part you’re really enjoying the peacefulness of your solitary Life.

But if there’s one thing, I think you haven’t had a really good conversation with someone interesting in a pretty long time. I see that your eyes have not twinkled from being complimented by someone genuinely kind in a really long while. You’ve lost a lot of your affection for people and you’ve lost faith in being energetic and social. People always disappoint in the end because their hearts are ugly and they’re mean to each other. This deep-seated belief has caused your eyes to look dead and droopy.

Have you perhaps noticed that you’ve developed a set of sanpaku eyes? The minimalistic science behind it states that people could develop sanpaku eyes after going through a lot—like a FUCKTON—of heartache and disappointments. I think your case could be dealing with some kind of a ‘betrayal trauma’ or some variety of ‘injustice trauma’. Look ‘em up, babe~ ♥︎

sealing the deal with the Divine Feminine – Knight of Cups

If some years have passed now since the last time you were around your fake friends, or even frenemies, I want you to know that your beauty has not been lost to time or ageing. Nope. Not at all. That’s bullshit. I can see that you’re the type of person who ages very UNNATURALLY. If your natal chart has a lot of Water aenergies or you have strong placements in Water Houses, you’re defo the type of bitch that can TRANSFORM your physical appearance by sheer mood ;D At this point, you can’t even age coz that skin barrier is strong AF LMAO

THAT’S WHY! Your true mystical glow-up secret lies in your mending your pretty Heart~ You’ve never had an ugly Heart, obviously, and still now it’s not ugly or anything; but it’s the way you think about how deserving you are of a friendship or relationship that honours your complex sensitivity that needs to be acknowledged and RECLAIMED. Doesn’t matter how, doesn’t matter when or who’s coming next, I just want you to know that if this reading has popped in to your Life… Your Soulmates are coming to get you, bitch. Pack up and play in the sea! XD

The good times that you’re going to be having with your Soulmates, Soul Tribes, Soul Fam—however you may resonate—are going to refill the stars in your Heart, automatically reflected in your eyes~ ★_★v Hahah I promise you that you’re going to reunite with Souls who are very, very old friends with you. You’re going to live a very happy, passionate Life doing things you like with people you Love… How the hell do you think that’s not gonna heal all of you and make everything about you beautiful again?😉

Originally, you’re a beautiful bitch. And if you’ve also got some Capricorn/Saturn/10th House placements, it’s very likely you’re ageing backwards! What the hell even is that?? \`★_★`/

GODDESS OF BEAUTY🔻💙

beauty on the inside – Green Physician (Paracelsus)

beauty on the outside – Priestess of Inspiration

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Pile 2 – It’s the Passion in Your Heart That Reflects Outwardly Your True Inner Beauty

assistance: I TRUST things aren’t falling apart they are FALLING INTO PLACE by doyouflow

~wah, girl, you really gotta check out the bonus content for this one XP~

what’s been taken from you? – 5 of Cups Rx

Out of all the Piles, you’re the baddest bitch of them all, do you realise that? You’ve got the most unhinged aenergy about you XD You’re a psycho, you know that? You’re generally thought of as either unpredictable or uncontrollable, but you could also be both, unprovoked LMAO People think you’re a problem child, because you’re so gutsy. I’m literally not getting ANYTHING about what’s been taken from you ^_^; Are you sure you still need this PAC? XD

First of all, you literally exist in your own dimension. That’s why people can’t control you. They can’t tame you. You’re a weirdo, a maniac even, who does things your way, plans things according to your vision, and yours alone, for the most part. People think you’re rather selfish but it’s because you’re a girl, right? If you were a man they’d say you’re DRIVEN. And yes! DRIVE that Bentley, bitch! No, DRIVE that Tesla into OUTER SPACE, bitch! You don’t appreciate people telling you what you CAN’T do!

And you don’t like it when people gaslight you about your confidence just because they’re a little bitch. You love being a Supreme Bitch—you’re a girl on a mission; ain’t nobody got the aenergy to listen to nobody’s guilt-tripping. And in that sense, your spirit and psychology have never really been hit by society. Society has never been able to take away anything from you ♡

recalling fragments of your beauty – XIV Temperance Rx

I see that your Beauty has stayed intact for the majority of your Life. It’s not like you’d resonate with having lost fragments of your beauty to years of depression, malnutrition or anything of the sort? Your mindset has remained strong for the majority of your adult Life. You have a strong mentality and this is reflected well in your physical body. A glow-up is easy, as long as you want it. And for the most part, your glow-up is tightly bound to your sense of purpose.

You’ve always known you’re meant for great things. And from a very young age you already worked on your mentality. You REFUSED to be normal, you refused mediocrity. It wasn’t a walk in the park until you reached your conviction though. Your childhood was rather constrictive, either due to societal expectations…or familial expectations. The adults around you thought you didn’t notice but you saw all of these fences put around you, and they pissed you off. Even your peers couldn’t understand what you wanted to make out of yourself.

So you rebelled from a very young age. You were, yes, THEE problem child, only because the small-minded people around you were a problem to your goals! Such hindrance. And now you’re glowing up and grabbing all the money bags and they jealous? Are you even fucking kidding my butt? Your path towards a total glow-up of your mindset and real life was not always perfect, but what’s perfection? All of the struggles play into creating your lore👑

sealing the deal with the Divine Feminine – 2 of Cups

If you’ve never heard anybody tell you this, allow me to be the first. Your drive, your determination, your ambition and motivation, although these qualities may make you appear like a selfish bitch on the outside, I, ME, MYSELF, understand that you want these things not only for yourself. There are people in this world you want to protect and provide for. Maybe it’s your mother who was abused or left by her deadbeat husband, idk. Maybe it’s a sibling or a pet you want to give the best Life for, idk.

Maybe, you want to achieve success and fame and be seen by the world, because you want to save the world from the malady of its own crazy, idk~ You want to be an example, a healing presence, a voice of reason, a voice for the voiceless, idk? You may look a certain bitchy, scary way on the outside, but your heart is good; it’s PURE GOLD. You live for the betterment of someone else and if that’s not LOVE, what is?

What most people don’t understand about you is how your sparkle of beauty literally comes from this desire to protect and provide for someone other than yourself. You have a lot of Love in your heart, even if you don’t always admit it to yourself. Your entire Life, your glow-up has come from your being DRIVEN. Vroom vroom, MOTHERFUCKER .・°☆~ You leave a trail of stardust for your aenemies ♥︎

GODDESS OF BEAUTY🔻💛

beauty on the inside – Green Alchemist (Nicolas Flamel)

beauty on the outside – Priestess of Patience

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Pile 3 – When Your Existence is Useful to the Healing of Others, Their Love/Gratitude Nurtures You Back to Health

assistance: you get to be universes favorite by doyouflow

what’s been taken from you? – Page of Cups Rx

See, it’s crazy that literally a few mins before starting on you, Pile 3, I came across a quote that says this:

‘Some of us are such advanced Souls that we did not come here to be supported, but we came to be the support system for many. If you’ve had a challenging Life and feel you never had proper support or Love, that is because YOU are the Love and Support.’

Well, my heart broke, but…hey, there’s clarity and validation there😊

All of these cards are in reverse, telling me there’s a lot that’s been taken from you. Your heart, compassion, resources, money, hobby items, OMG, the list is endless! So much has been taken away from you. Either by people borrowing stuff without remembering to return or people getting a favour without returning it to you. At least, even when it seemed like they did return some favour to you…the return was either lacklustre or just…it didn’t feel right?

You’ve felt gaslit too much your entire Life. An incessant feeling of being unseen, unappreciated, unloved, could’ve eaten away at your self-worth. You’ve often been the miracle in someone else’s Life, but when it comes to you needing a transformation in your Life, where’s MY miracle…? I think you could have Chiron in 12th House or Pisces? That kind of placement is one where an individual constantly feels like they’ve been forsaken by God, or the positive forces of the Universe…

recalling fragments of your beauty – 3 of Pentacles Rx

The truth of the matter is, you’ve not been forsaken by your Spirit Guides. See, this message is gonna be especially resonant for you who do have Chiron or Saturn in the 8th or 12th House—that the Universe, your Higher Self and Spirit Guides have given you so little guidance and support, because you’re meant to learn how it feels like to be in the shoes of Humans. See, it’s not to say these Humans do not have support—babe, they CAN’T access the support because they’re BLIND and DEAF AS FUCK.

Humans are so embarrassingly divorced from their own intuition. Even the most religious folks are blind and deaf to actual angelic whispers. In many cases, because their false religions have taught them to worship wrongly and be obedient to evil authority and not question any injustice and wrongdoings. The more blindly religious a person is, the more separated they are from their own Humanity, because now their ears are deaf to empathy.

You came into this world to understand the twists and turns of how it feels like to navigate this crazy Matrix with so little guidance, so that one day, when you’re propelled into your main mission, you can remind and even teach people how to re-connect with Love—the true source of all compassion and Divinity in Human Form. When you remind people of their Humanity, you regain, and grow exponentially in Beauty ♥︎

sealing the deal with the Divine Feminine – 6 of Pentacles Rx

So, as you can see, you have a very important spiritual mission in this incarnation. I do not give a goddamn dime what you think you look like; whether or not you‘re conventionally attractive; whether or not you fit some bullshit beauty standards; YOU ARE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL when you’re seen sharing your healing gifts with the world! You do remember that a lot of historians say Cleopatra wasn’t perceived as necessarily that conventionally beautiful by most people, right? But that everybody was charmed by her intelligence and charisma when talking about politics?

Yeah, you give me that vibe, bitch <3 That the essence of what you do to alleviate sorrow in the world, when seen by others, when people listen to what you say, when what you do or write changes people’s lives for the better, when people feel motivated by your sheer aenergy to improve themselves—it’s that kinda shit what will help you regain your natural beauty, or manifest a glow-up ☆

When you engage in your Life’s main mission, it’s people’s Love for what you do and the Gratitude they feel for what it’s done in their lives what will aenergetically nurture you back to health. In a nutshell, people’s appreciation for your Life’s Work IS your support system in this world—later on in Life maybe if you haven’t started. It is your Purpose to be useful to the healing of others~ You’re defo gonna have an audience \^_^v Namaste, bitches~★ I honour all that you’ve been through and all that you’re going to do for this world~ You’re so LOVED!!! <3

GODDESS OF BEAUTY🔻🧡

beauty on the inside – Gold Historian (Raphael Holinshed)

beauty on the outside – Priestess of Love

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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[heizlut]

Mine, All Mine

ꕀ cw: slight exhibitionism

ꕀ tags: bratty sub fem!reader, hard dom!geshu lin, creampie, cockwarming, marking, humiliation if you squint, rough sex

ꕀ nsfw under the cut

ꕀ m!list here

ꕀ a/n: @glitteryshlong this one’s for you bestie😚

Being Geshu Lin’s girl could be hard at times considering he asked you to keep the relationship a secret, stating something about how ‘If enemies knew about you, they’d use it against me.’ and ‘I’m the general. I can’t appear weak to affections.’

The first part you could understand, but the second made you roll your eyes. Since when was loving someone considered weak? But as stubborn as he is, you couldn’t change his mind with words. Gods, how you’ve tried. But… You could provoke him.

It was a silly thing to do, going around in your medic uniform with the skirt rolled at the waist to the point of barely covering your perfect, round ass, the top few buttons of your shirt left undone to expose the swell of your breasts peeking through.

Strutting through the base as you went about your own business, tending to those who needed it and going as far as to make lunches for the soldiers. Your pretty heels click against the ground as you walk, the sway of your hips was hypnotizing to the soldiers as you passed by.

Handing off a couple bento boxes to some soldiers with a pretty smile, “Here you go. Be sure to eat your fill. Can’t have strong men like you feeling weak in battle because you weren’t able to eat enough~”

The two men gawk down at you before smirking, one speaking up, “Well would ya look at that. What a sweet thing you are doing this for us~ What’s the occasion?” You just give a small smirk back, your words dripping like honey, “No reason. Just felt like helping out a little extra around here.”

The two soldiers chuckle, the other of the pair speaking up this time, “It’s always a pleasure whenever we get to see you, hun.” Their eyes trail over your body hungrily, and you flash a smile, “Glad to hear it~”

You strut away, tossing your hair over your shoulder and holding your head high. Peeking to the side, you spot Geshu Lin surrounded by a few soldiers, practically seething at what he’s just witnessed. His eyes trail over your form with a snarl, taking in the bounce of your breasts as you walk and the way your skirt hugs your ass.

You just give him a little smirk, to which he gives you a dangerous look as if to tell you that if you kept this up, you’d be in for it big time. But no, you weren’t about to drop the act. Instead you fed fuel to the fire when you gave out your last bento box to another irrelevant soldier, placing your hand on his chest acting all cute when he thanked you for the meal, leaving the poor man as a blushing mess as you walk away.

That was it. Geshu Lin was done with whatever the fuck you thought you were doing. With a low growl, he excused himself from the gathered soldiers who were speaking with him, pushing past them to march over to you.

If you weren’t trying to keep up this petty bullshit as you continued to strut through the base and back towards the medical center, you would’ve run like hell. The look in his eyes was one of a predator as it closed in on its prey.

You picked up your pace, trying your best to maintain your facade but no one could match the speed of the general. His strong hand grips your wrist and tugs you towards an unoccupied side of of the building outside.

Geshu Lin pins yours wrists above your head in one hand, pushing you against the wall with a snarl as he leans close to your face, “What in the hell do you think you’re doing, huh?” You play innocent, giving him pretty little doe-eyes, “I don’t know what you-ngh!”

His forceful grip on your jaw with his free hand cuts you off, “Drop the act, doll, and answer the damn question.” Geshu Lin’s hot breath fans across your lips, his golden eyes glowing with rage. Before you can answer, a soldier appears around the corner where the two of you stood, clearing his throat.

Geshu Lin run his tongue across his teeth before releasing you, turning his attention to the soldier, “What could you possibly want right now? Can’t you see I’m busy?” The soldier stands there with a sheepish look on his face, “Uh. Apologies but this is urgent. We need you in the meeting room. It seems like we have another Tacet Field incident near Desorock Highland.”

Geshu Lin huffs out a breath of annoyance but nods, “I’ll be there shortly. Gather everyone else.” With a quick nod, the soldier hurries off, glad to be away from whatever he just witnessed. Turning back to look down at you, Geshu Lin gives you a pointed look, “You’re coming with me.” Before you can even ask why or protest, he has his hand around your wrist once again, pulling you along with him.

၊၊||၊:･.၊၊||၊:･.၊၊||၊:･.၊၊||၊:･.

The meeting room was empty, yet to be filled with soldiers awaiting orders from the general. Normally, this would piss Geshu Lin off, always expecting his men to be ready and waiting, especially if there was an emergency. But right now, he didn’t care. It allowed him to move forward with what he had planned for you.

Sitting in his usual seat at the head of the table, Geshu Lin pulls you towards him, causing you to stumble slightly off balance, “What the hell, Geshu?” He rolls his eyes and places his hands on your hips, giving them a little squeeze, “Watch the damn attitude and don’t even think about questioning me.”

His hands slide over you ass before giving it a harsh smack, making you yelp in surprise, “After the shitty little act you pulled earlier, I can’t say I’m in the best mood. Now strip off your panties.” Your eyebrows raise and you open your mouth to protest, only leading to another slap on your ass, much harsher than the last. “Take. Them. Off.”, Geshu Lin growls out.

Gritting your teeth, you do as he says, sliding the flimsy material off. He snatches it from your hand and grips your jaw, squeezing just enough to force your lips to part before stuffing the panties into your mouth, “Taste yourself. I bet you got so wet acting like a whore for everyone else.” You knew better than to go against him when he was like this, but that didn’t stop you from narrowing your eyes at him.

Ignoring your pointed look, Geshu Lin undoes his belt and pants, freeing his hardening cock and stroking it slowly as he kept his eyes on you, “Since today you want to act like a desperate slut, you’re going to be a good girl and keep my cock warm during this meeting.”

Your eyebrows furrow, as if to ask if he was actually serious right now. He only answers your look with a deadpan expression as his thumb rubs over the tip of his cock, “I’ve never been more serious in my life. Get on my cock. Now.”

His harsh words and demeanor made arousal spread through you. He really was hot when he got a little mean with you… You go to straddle him, facing him, but he stops you, clicking his tongue, “Ah-ah, nope. You’ll be facing everyone else since you want to be so... performative today.”

Arousal and shame surge through you at his words, but you comply. Turning away from him as you straddle his lap, his cock pushing against your wet entrance almost has you cumming right then and there as you ease yourself down.

But you take too long for his liking and his hands grip your waist and pulls you down on his cock, drawing a muffled moan from you and a groan through gritted teeth from him, “It’s better to hurry when you know the rest will be in here any second.”

Geshu Lin’s cock throbs inside of you and the sounds of footsteps can be heard approaching the room. Mercifully, he removes the now thoroughly soaked panties from your mouth and puts them in the small pocket of your uniform. He nips at your ear as he speaks in a whisper, “Try not to make any noise, doll, and don't you dare even think about cumming without my permission.”

As soldiers begin to pile into the room, many look confused as to why one of their favorite medics was there and also sitting on their general's lap. But they weren't exactly complaining since now they had something they found particularly delicious to look at as the general droned on.

Under their intense stares, you shift slightly on Geshu Lin's cock as heat rises to your cheeks, causing him to squeeze your hips as a silent warning to keep still. It takes everything in you not to whimper softly at the warning, especially when his cock twitches every once in awhile inside of you.

Geshu Lin looks to his soldiers before speaking with his usual cold and commanding voice, "I thought this was urgent. Now speak up so we can figure out how to deal with this fucking mess." One of the soldiers quickly speaks up, "Y-yes, sir. There's a new tacet field near Desorock Highlands. The people near there have been struggling greatly with the tacet discords that are pouring out of it."

As the soldier continues on, Geshu Lin's hands begin to wander across your body. His fingers trailing up your thighs under the table, gently squeezing the flesh, making sure you stay compliant under his touch. Your cunt clenches around his cock as you bite your lip, making Geshu Lin huff out a strained, breathy chuckle.

The soldier pauses, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Sir? Is something funny about this?" The others have their eyes on both you and Geshu Lin, questioning and curious. A hint of a smirk crosses his features, "Of course not."

He reaches up with one hand and moves your hair over your shoulder, exposing your neck, his lips grazing the exposed flesh as his eyes stay locked on his soldiers in a frightening display of dominance, "But maybe our lovely medic has something to add?"

The soldiers shift in their positions, trying to hide their arousal at such a suggestive sight. Your cheeks flush hot under their scrutiny as they wait for you to speak. Geshu Lin's hot breath teases along your skin as he speaks in a low, husky voice, "Go on, doll. You were so friendly with all of them earlier. Don't act shy now~"

You shift on his cock once more, your insides squeezing his length again when his hand that was still on your thigh, begins to softly trace over your clit, "I-I can provide medical assistance at the s-site-ngh..." The soldiers eyes widen at the noise that came from you, some biting their hand to restrain themselves.

Geshu Lin's smirk widens as he presses his finger against your clit, making you let out a hiccuping gasp, "What a good girl you are, always ready to help when needed..." The soldiers stare wide-eyed with flushed cheeks as they begin to finally understand what could be happening under the meeting table out of their view.

Their eyes trail over the swell of your breasts peeking through the top you purposefully left unbuttoned earlier today, watching as they move in time with your quick breathing. One feeling bold, "accidentally" drops his pen and begins to bend down in hopes of catching a peek at what was going on under there, but Geshu Lin's golden eyes snap towards him. His voice a low snarl, "Leave it."

The soldier freezes in place, but slowly straightens back up, trying to avoid his general's threatening gaze. Silence falls over the room, only the sound of your heavy, strained breathing can be heard as your pretty pussy leaks all over his cock and dripping down and making a mess on his pants below. His narrowed eyes scan over the others, watching carefully as they stand there almost too afraid to even breathe too loud lest they face his wrath.

His lips curl up in a cruel smirk, satisfied that no one would dare to try to pull something like that again. His eyes trail down to your trembling form in his lap, trying so hard to keep still and not reveal more to the others.

Geshu Lin's finger resumes in teasing your clit in a slow, torturous pace as you squirm against him. Looking back to his soldiers, he speak in a commanding tone, "We move out tonight. Now get out of my sight."

The soldiers move quickly out of the meeting room, grateful they wouldn't have to restrain themselves at the lewd sight of you struggling in their general's lap. The second the room was cleared out, Geshu Lin grips your hips, standing quickly as he forces you to bend over the table, making you gasp from the sudden movement.

He thrusts forward, hard and deep, not even giving you the chance to regain your senses. He grips your hair with one hand, tugging your head up towards the door that had been left open just a crack as he leans down towards your ear, speaking in a low growl, "Such a whore. You fucking liked that, didn't you. Sitting all pretty and squirming on my cock while my soldiers practically fucked you with their eyes."

Each word he speaks is punctuated by sharp thrusts as his thick cock abuses your dripping hole over and over. "Ngh! G-Geshu, please!", you cry out as your pretty tits bounce with the force of his cock fucking into you, threatening to spill out from their confines. Ignoring your pleas for mercy, he bites down on your neck, marking you with his teeth with a husky groan, "Take my cock like the slut you are."

Lewd moans fall easily from your lips, your cunt squelching along his girthy length as you go dumb on his cock. Geshu Lin huffs out a laugh as he continues to mark up your skin, leaving purple marks as a testament to his possessive love for you, "Come on, doll, tell me who's fucking this slutty hole, huh? Say it."

"G-Geshu -ngh f-fuuuuck....", you moan out, your eyes rolling back as drool begins to slip from your open mouth. His smirk looks more like a dangerous snarl as his cock throbs hard inside of your twitching, squelching hole. He lets go of your hip only to deliver a resounding smack to your ass, making you cry out, "Say it again. Scream my fucking name."

His aching balls slap against your clit with each thrust, driving you closer and closer to orgasm as you babble his name between whorish moans like a desperate prayer. Your cunt clenches tight around his thick length as you cum all over his cock. Clear liquid squirts out of your hole, dripping down his balls and to the floor.

Geshu Lin snarls at the feeling and the sight, releasing his grip on your hair to hold your hips with so much force it was bound to leave you with bruises as he picks up his pace.

Without his fingers tangling into your hair, you fall limp against the meeting table, your breasts squished against the wood as they bounce. Your own drool begins to pool against the table as you're fucked mercilessly by the general you called your boyfriend.

Geshu Lin's eyes roll back at the sight of you, his pretty little girlfriend all dumb for him. His balls tighten and he grips you a little tighter as his flesh slaps against your sore ass, "You're going to take all my cum. Let it fucking drip out of you and down those pretty legs of yours." With one more sharp thrust and shuddering growl, ropes of thick cum spill out of his cock and into your cunt.

His cock throbs and pulsates as he rides out his orgasm. His silver hair sticking to his sweaty forehead as his broad chest heaves with shallow breaths. Your legs shake as they struggle to keep you standing in your pretty heels, only Geshu Lin's hold on your hips keeps you steady. He slips his softened cock out of your spent hole, golden eyes watching in satisfaction as his cum leaks out of you.

A sharp gasp sounds towards the cracked door, catches his attention as his eyes snap up. There stands a soldier who had been peeking in on their little encounter, his cock in his hand as his own release dribbles down his fist. Geshu Lin's lips twitch into a dangerous smirk as the soldier quickly tucks himself back into his pants and begins to turn away to flee the scene.

Geshu Lin clicks his tongue, making the soldier freeze, "Come here, soldier." The soldiers eyes widen, practically shaking in his boots as he obeys the general's command, his eyes quickly looking down at your fucked out form, your upper half still laying against the table. Geshu Lin grips your hair and pulls your head up gently, making you look at the soldier with dazed eyes.

His golden eyes look to the trembling, flushed soldier, "Go on, thank our pretty medic for giving you a show." Heat rushes to the man's cheeks as he stumbles over his words, "Th-thank you..."

Too fucked out to even process Geshu Lin's perverted display of dominance over you, you only let out a soft whimper. Geshu Lin's lips form a small smirk, "You're dismissed." The soldier practically runs out of there as his thoughts swirl rapidly.

Geshu Lin wraps a strong arm around your waist as he pulls you up, cradling you in his arms as he sits back down in his seat, cooing softly against your hair and pressing sweet kisses to your temple, "My pretty girl. You're mine... All mine."

၊၊||၊:･.၊၊||၊:･.၊၊||၊:･.၊၊||၊:･.

After that day, the soldiers were almost too afraid to even look at you, even when you treated their wounds and greeted them as you crossed their paths. They knew better than to act too friendly with you and you knew better than to pull a petty stunt for attention again lest you all face the wrath of the fierce general. They now knew you were his girl.

Geshu Lin didn't need to announce it with words, his display was more than enough to send a clear message: She's mine.

၊၊||၊:･.၊၊||၊:･.၊၊||၊:･.၊၊||၊:･.၊၊||၊:･.၊၊

a/n: safe to say, reader's mission was a success🥴

[joeyalohadream]

drabble request: bucky coming back from a night at the officers club and finding buck curled up in bed wearing his sheepskin to help him fall asleep 🥹

Sorry it took so long to get to this! Thanks for the idea anon, I love it! Hope you enjoy reading it too!

Word Count: 1,685 (some softness below the cut)

The air had a slight chill to it, the breeze reminding Bucky that Autumn was fading, and Winter was creeping up on them. He runs warm and the whiskey he’s consumed this evening does well to protect him from the worst of it, so he finds himself mostly content as he stands outside the Officer’s Club to finish the cigarette he’d come out to smoke.

The night was going well. The mission the boys had returned from earlier in the day had been a success in all the ways that mattered. They’d hit their targets and somehow, miraculously, not one fort had gone down. Some of the crews were busted up, but no one had required a trip to the infirmary, so it was a win in his book.

Bucky new better than to have hope that their next mission would end with the same statistics, but the success had motivated the boys and they’d all wanted to ride the good feeling into the night. He hadn’t been up in the air for this one, left off the rotation this time around, and the anxiety and fear that had gripped him all day was finally fully gone.

He had felt the need to join the boys in the revelry. He wasn’t with them up in the air today, but he could sure as hell be with them now and help show them a good time. As usual, Gale had agreed to accompany him, always willing to show his face and set a good example for the men, despite his preference for less crowded venues and less lively crowds.

Bucky turned his gaze to the door that swung outwards to his left, expecting Curt or another fellow smoker, but was happy when he saw Gale stepping out into the night and making his way towards him. He was always the happiest to see Gale.

“Finally decide to find a vice?” Bucky joked, holding his cigarette out towards Gale and laughing when Gale swatted his hand away as he finally stopped within arm’s reach of him.

“Already found one of those,” Gale said back, looking pointedly at Bucky, eyes playful.

Bucky laughed again, feeling even warmer now.

“And you’ll find that this particular vice you’ve got is one that’s impossible to shake,” Bucky grins at him. “You’re probably gonna be stuck with it for life.”

Gale nods, face a mockery of serious contemplation before he sighs and gives Bucky a small smile. “I think I can live with that.”

Bucky smiles back and takes another drag of his cigarette. He watches as Gale crosses his arms and rocks slightly on his heels. He runs cold where Bucky runs warm and he seems to have a harder time shaking the cold from the high altitude after missions than everyone else.

“So, what brings you out in the cold,” Bucky asks, “Miss me already?”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Gale chuckles. “I made my rounds, saw all the men. Think I’m calling it a night.”

Bucky’s about to whine, throw out his usual protest for when Gale turns in early, but then he really looks at Gale. He sees the shadows under his eyes, the small cut along his jaw he’d received during the mission but couldn’t recall when or how, sees the slight shake to his shoulders. He tosses his cigarette away and turns to face him fully.

“You’re alright though?” He wants to reach out and cup his jaw, run his finger over the reddened skin. “You’re not hurting, are you?”

Gale’s eyes are full of affection when he meets his and a smile is tugging at his lips.

“Sore, the usual. You know that well as I do,” Gale tells him, and Bucky does know, it’s true. “I ain’t hurtin’ and I’m fine. Just tired.” His smile turns a little sheepish. “And cold.”

“Well, what a surprise,” Bucky teases. “Gotta get you a thinker coat, maybe one like mine. Wearing that puppy is like being wrapped in a warm hug.”

“You know I hate that jacket,” Gale huffs out. “And I’d rather just have the real thing than something like it.”

It takes a moment for Bucky to realize what Gale was saying, but when he does his heart gives an embarrassing flutter. He looks around and decides to take the risk, steps forward and wraps his arms around Gale’s shoulders. Gale doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around his waist, face burrowing into his neck.

“Wish we could do this all night,” Gale breathes into his collarbone and Bucky rubs a hand up and down his back. He knows that Gale means he wishes they could sleep like this, in each other’s arms and he wishes for it too. But they live in a barracks with 10 other men and it’s a risk they won’t dare to take. One day, Bucky thinks.

“Me too,” Bucky breathes into his hair. He feels the arms around him tighten for a moment before Gale pulls away and Bucky lets him go, even though he wants to do the opposite.

He sees Gale shiver and shove his hands into his pockets, and he just wants to hold him again. Knows he shouldn’t, knows he can’t.

“I’ll walk you back,” Bucky offers, not wanting to ever let Gale out of his sight. The memory from this morning of watching him disappear into the clouds, not knowing if he’d ever pop back out of them threatens to overwhelm him so he pushes it aside. Slams it back into the box in his mind.

“No way,” Gale laughs. “Curt was already hollering in there about you playing cards next round. I think he’s got money on you, Bucky.”

“I don’t care,” Bucky tells him and means it.

Gale smiles at him, fondness in his eyes. “I know you don’t. But the guys aren’t done having fun with the life of the party and I know you’ll have a good time sticking the evening out with them.”

Bucky wants to protest, wants to remind Gale that there isn’t anywhere he’d rather be than with him, anyone he’d rather be with than him. But he knows Gale is right. He’d told his table of card sharks that he was just stepping out for a smoke and they were all expecting him back. They were having fun, in large part due to his boisterous behavior and he’d set out to give them a night like this. He’d stick to his plan, no matter how much he’d rather walk Gale back and watch him fall asleep.

“Alright,” Bucky relents. “But know that while my body is here at the club, my heart is with you in your bunk.” He tells him dramatically with a hand over his heart.

Gale shoves him away with a laugh and an exasperated, “You’re ridiculous.”

“Makes you smile though,” Bucky points out with a grin.

“I’ll see in the morning,” Gale ignores his words, even though he’s still smiling. “Goodnight John.”

“Night Buck.”

Bucky lights another cigarette just so he can stay outside and watch him walk away until he disappears in the darkness.

----

Bucky’s hands feel clumsy as he tries to unknot his tie, stumbling through the door to the barracks. He hears Crank and Curt laughing at him, but their footsteps are no steadier than his. He makes an exaggerated shushing noise and gestures in the direction of his and Gale’s cots at the far end of the room. The other men roll their eyes but quiet down as they all make their way to their own racks.

It was a good night. All the boys left the Officer’s Club in even better spirits than when they’d entered, he’d won Curt a good chunk of change winning at cards, and he was pleasantly drunk on good whiskey.

He throws his tie on his cot and sits on the edge to start the fumbling process of getting his shoes untied, wishing Gale was awake to help him. The thought brings his focus to the cot directly across from his and he feels light and airy all of a sudden.

Gale is sleeping in his usual position, turned on his side, slightly bent, one hand under his pillow, the other pillowed under his cheek. He looks so soft and sweet, and Bucky wants to join him, spoon him, hold him and it hurts that he can’t.

He toes off his shoes and stands to unbutton his shirt and remove his belt, eyes still on Gale’s sleeping form. He pauses his movements as he notices a familiar cream-colored bit of fluff tucked under Gale’s chin. When he looks to the hooks along the wall they use to hang their things and prevent wrinkles, he notices his sheepskin is missing from its usual spot.

On silent socked feet he moves the two steps it takes to reach the edge of Gale’s cot and reaches out to grab the Army green wool blanket draped over him. A small, careful lift reveals a sight that warms Bucky’s heart more than all the sunshine and whiskey in the world ever could.

Gale has Bucky’s sheepskin, the jacket he supposedly hates, wrapped around his torso and shoulders, the fur of the collar tucked tight under his chin. He takes a moment to just look, thankful its dark as he knows the expression on his face is one of lovesick adoration.

He imagines Gale coming back from the club tonight, shivering and tired and alone. Imagines him grabbing the sheepskin and tucking himself into it before covering the evidence with the rough wool. Imagines he was probably embarrassed about it, maybe his cheeks even flushed when he decided to do it. He wishes he’d been here to see it.

Bucky hopes his words rang true and that his jacket feels like a warm hug to Gale.

Gently, he replaces the wool blanket, hiding Gale’s stolen object of comfort from any potential prying eyes. He runs his hand gently through Gale’s hair, wishes he could replace the jacket with himself and feels sad that he can’t.  

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Tagged by @eddiebabygirldiaz for seven sentence Sunday! Here’s uhhhhh more than that from a buddietommy vacation threesome fic-

The day is hot enough that Buck is curled up like a bug on the dock between them. He’d stayed in the water longer than Tommy or Eddie had, and had swum out further than either of them, so when he’d crawled back up onto the old wood planks he’d chugged an entire water bottle and promptly passed out. Eddie glances down at his bare torso, just starting to get a little pink.

“Should probably get sunscreen on him again.”

Tommy snorts as he leans backwards, stretching out to grab the spray can. “And you’re worried you’ve forgotten how to be a dad.”

“Fuck off,” Eddie says as Buck, still asleep, makes a similar sound when Tommy mists him all over with cold sunscreen. “It’s been months, man, that’s so long for a kid, who knows what he’s even into now-”

“Minecraft, right?” Tommy says as he smooths his hand over a few places the sunscreen pooled on his boyfriend’s back. “Wasn’t he on a video call with you and Buck about it for like three hours on Friday? Something about- uh- command blocks?”

Eddie is mildly impressed Tommy remembers the word — maybe — because he certainly doesn’t. Buck had only been slightly better at following along than he had as they’d squinted at the probably impressive pixels on the laptop screen. “I don’t know, I just feel like…” Every morning, still, he wakes up and thinks he needs to get Chris’ breakfast started. Whole parts of his being are wired around taking care of his kid, but since he’s been gone Eddie has been trying — in fits and starts and most of the time guiltily — to figure out what the rest of him is for. It’s part of what got him into the whole mess in the first place, chasing after the dreams of a 19 year old who got those dreams from his parents. A nice wife (but they never liked her, did they) and a good job (but firefighting is too dangerous, isn’t it) and a picket fence (one closer to home, Eddie, you’ve gone too far away.) So he owed it to Chris, owed it to himself, to figure out what the fuck he actually wants, so he doesn’t keep twisting himself into knots and taking out everyone around him when the line breaks. He’s not sure he’s any closer to whatever that is — other than it’s unlikely to include a wife of any kind — but in the time he’s taken trying, what if other things got lost in the upheaval? “I keep thinking I’ll just- not remember to do something. Forget how field trip permissions slips work, or not know what shoe size he wears, or- I don’t know. Anything. I won’t pack his lunch and it won’t be the end of the world but he’ll be hungry that day.”

Tommy leans back on his palms and looks across at him, quiet and thoughtful for a few moments in that way he has, like he’s thinking through every possible response before he speaks. He is, maybe; he’d confessed to Eddie that he’d spoken too quickly when he was younger, is embarrassed about a lot of the dumb shit he’d said, so he tries to take his time with his words now. “Eddie. You took us up here this weekend to check and make sure this place is accessible to take your kid to this summer. And- I get that’s a big thing, a big gesture, and maybe you’re worried about messing up the small stuff, but… You’ve still got his favorite kind of jelly in the fridge that nobody else eats. You love him, and he knows that. You’re gonna do fine.” He shrugs. “And he’s almost fourteen, if you forget to hand him lunch he’s gonna let you know.”

Eddie huffs a small laugh. “Yeah, I guess he will.” He groans a little, shaking his head. “Fourteen years old, that’s fucking crazy. I don’t feel old enough for that to be true.”

Tommy rolls his neck so it audibly cracks. “Yeah, yeah, you whippersnapper.”

Eddie grins at him. “You feeling the exercise, old man? Need to go lay down?” He cackles and leans away as Tommy grabs the can and sprays a burst of sunscreen at him.

Between them Buck grunts at the commotion, and rolls towards Eddie. He presses his face into the meat of his bare side above his trunks, and wraps his long arms around his torso. Eddie glances up at Tommy, who just looks fondly amused. “Uh. Wrong guy, there, bud.”

Buck stills, and then pulls back a little to squint up at him. Eddie’s not particularly ticklish, but something like goosebump are shivering across the skin of his stomach where Buck’s forearm rests against him. He has to actively try not to shudder as Buck pulls back and rolls the other way, Eddie watching hypnotized as he gives Tommy the same treatment. Buck presses a little kiss onto Tommy’s hip, in the spot he had just been cuddled into on Eddie, and Eddie’s mouth goes dry.

Tommy lets out a little breath, and Eddie doesn’t think he’ll be able to use the sun as an excuse for how pink he’s gotten as his eyes snap up to the other man’s face. Except- he’d been expecting a raised eyebrow, a flat mouth, some visual indicator of disapproval, that this is one step Buckandeddie too far, that all the rest of their codependent lives have been fine, a platonic kind of care built over years of being there for each other through the worst of the worst, but now the uncomfortable answer to what Eddie wants, the uncomfortable answer he’s been trying to avoid because it's something he cannot have, has been found out and the messy insides of him will have once again ruined something good. But what he finds is a tiny little smile and heavy eyes that-

Well, they don’t look disapproving in the slightest.

“You guys hungry?” Buck mutters, words muffled by Tommy’s skin. “We should go start the grill.”

Tommy’s little smile gets wide and lazy, eyes still stuck on Eddie. “I could eat,” he says.

Tagging @iinryer @shitouttabuck @butchdiaz @chronicowboy @homerforsure @rewritetheending @bigfootsmom if you have anything you want to share!

[brainrot-of-a-thot]

heyyyy it's me again, but do you have any opinions on sako? like... i really like him and his personality, the way he dresses and how he likes to go to cafes! so i want to know moreeee abt him and was curious abt what u think !! (since you're always spot on when writing for them hehe)

hey again babes!! happy to see you again!! and oh, sako — I certainly do have some opinions on him! as I’ve stated before, I tend to just subconsciously engage in character analysis (honestly, it’s probably one of the main reasons I enjoy writing reader-inserts, because I get to put my analysis into writing whilst also pretending I’m witnessing their character first hand and interacting with them) — but onto the main point of sako!

post edit: this turned into something slightly monstrous so, uh, new category I guess? ‘mamaz does in-depth character analysis + headcanons’? urgh this feels like a lot of word vomit and oh lawd my passion for character analysis is sooo obvious here. I’m so sorry babes T^T

even barring the anime (which hasn’t progressed much in terms of its adaptation of the manga), sako’s character hasn’t truly been explored thoroughly, I’d say. there are certain things that can be gleaned from his appearances, such as: he’s got a bit of stubborn/hardheaded side, which formed primarily after the fall out with hiragi. I’d also say that the impact of this fall out severely stunted some aspects of his social/relationship growth, such as his ability to accept/maintain solid relationships/friendships.

I believe that sako derived purpose from feeling as though he was needed — we are shown this during his fight with hiragi via his flashbacks. when hiragi asked sako not to follow him, it completely crushed him. I can only attribute that to a deep-seated need to be accepted by someone whom you look up to (i do believe that this bit of information reveals that sako is more than likely an only child — he lacked any sort of big brother/sister figure to look up to, and it was clear that he wasn’t in the position of older sibling due to his timid nature concerning the bullies. interpersonal relationships can dictate a lot about our personalities, and that includes our place within our sibling line — an older sibling is more likely to develop a protector sort of mindset, while a younger sibling may have a propensity to rely on others like they do their older sibling.)

thus, hiragi filled that role for sako. in a way, he showed sako what it felt like to have another person to depend on and idolize, and sako related that feeling to comfort and security. that comfort and security would be increased tenfold due to the fact that hiragi saved him, and even started to guide him on how to protect himself.

losing that felt like losing an entire piece of himself because sako had formed a piece of himself around the relationship/dynamic he had with hiragi. and just as is the case with everyone who experiences some form of deep hurt, sako’s brain/heart put up a defense mechanism. in sako’s case, he turned his pain into anger and resentment towards hiragi, and he wanted to mend that part of him that had felt as though hiragi looked down on him/didn’t accept him.

sako did this by growing stronger on his own — something that, more than likely on a subconscious level, was also employed to show sako himself that he could get stronger without hiragi, and that he didn’t need him — just as hiragi didn’t need sako. he was blinded by this desire to rid himself of the feelings of inadequacy and hurt that it became the only thing he could fixate on — and so though he grew in terms of physical strength, his mental/emotional/social growth slowed to a crawl.

this is where the hardheadedness and reluctance to move past his grudge comes in. for those who are caught up in the manga, we see that sako sti has trouble speaking to hiragi even after they’d traded blows and seemed to come to some sort of understanding. I believe this is in part from the guilt/embarrassment sako felt towards his grudge. at the end of the fight with hiragi, sako acknowledges that he know hiragi was only looking out for him — but again, he was too hurt to see it that way. he just wanted the pain to go away, and the fastest/easiest method was to morph it into hatred.

all in all, I believe sako is a pure fellow; but he experienced a trauma which caused him to become stunted in some ways — and I do believe he’s trying to grow in his own way.

sako already has difficulty with social interactions, so when you bring romance into the mix… oh boy. I feel as though, like any teenage boy, romance/sex has probably crossed his mind a few times; but I don’t see sako as the type to actively seek it. just given the glimpses of his personality and seeing how certain things have affected him, I believe he has a deep, genuine fear of rejection. as such, getting close to him would more than likely be extremely difficult. he’d have walls up all around him, and though I don’t believe he’d ever be rude, he may at times come off as stand offish. I also get the feeling that he blushes fairly easily, and becomes flustered when girls/guys/anyone in general flirts with him. or it may even go over his head completely.

I think with sako, it would be a matter of taking things slow — baby steps, if you would. sako isn’t going to be taking the initiative on anything, so you’d have to do that yourself; but you’d have to do incrementally so as not to startle him.

perhaps express interest in something he’s familiar with, or something he’s a fan of (cafes, for example.) again, with sako, it’s going to be all about the pace in which he’s comfortable with following; a pace which he isn’t going to explicitly confirm for you. you’d need to be highly perceptive/observant so as to notice any warning signs.

despite this, I truly believe that sako is a genuine, pure and wholehearted lover — in such that when he does fall in love, he falls in love for good. that’s the one. that’s the one he’s going to be with for the rest of his life. I see acts of service/devotion being a major love language for sako. he wants someone to devote himself to as it gives him a sense of completion/purpose. so expect him to do everything for you, even things you don’t ask him to do.

massages, breakfast in bed, maybe even written poems slipped beneath your pillow for when he leaves your room and you wake up without him. sako shows affection deeply but in ways that aren’t too commonly seen anymore; not the biggest fan of pda, but will love you up in private. will hold open doors for you. will pull out a chair for you. would drape his jacket over your head if it starts to rain unexpectedly to reduce the amount you get soaked. for some reason, when the two of you eat together, he always waits for you to take the first bite before he starts eating. you’ll never pay for dates. when the two of you walk together on the sidewalk, he makes sure that he’s the one that walks closest to the road.

I feel he may need reassurance fairly often; a by product of fear and trauma (he definitely has abandonment trauma), and for a while, he may be completely overcome with the fear that you will eventually leave him. also, he may end up trying to tackle things all on his own, and may even push you away sometimes. it’s not really his fault; it’s the trauma that causes him to do this, the fear of reliving that same pain of hiragi but on a much deeper scale, and so things may be rocky in the beginning. you may end up getting into fights a lot — your highs will be akin to being in heaven, but your lows will make hell look like a dream-vacation spot.

he’s soft and he’s damaged in his own ways, so you’ll just need to take care of him with patience and understanding and love ❤️ but trust me when I say that in turn, you’ll be loved far more deeply and purely than you could ever imagine.

[dragonfly0808]

Can you do a Winx headcanon post about how Winx characters little siblings feel about their older siblings partner[I don't know if I phrased that right]

Example :Riven's little sister, Sherly's feelings towards Riven's relationship with Musa.

ooooohhhhhh

Kay here goes (I’ll also do Zila and Thyler though they’re older siblings)

Chimera hasn’t gotten a lot of chances to interact with Brandon one on one, but she thinks he’s cool and is low-key jealous of how much he protects and respects Stella and how he always is right at her side and hyping her up. She wants someone like that. She’s probably the only sibling to straight up be like, I want a relationship like that, when looking at her big sister

Brandon’s sisters all adore Stella and very much already see her as a sister, Brandon jokes they’d totally chose Stella over him anytime, they are very close. Brandon’s sisters all think the world of Stella and have learned a lot from her in terms of how to dress and hairstyles

Helia won over Mielle by making her magic origami and volunteering as a human step stool, Mielle loves being carried around. Mielle is still quite little so as soon as she saw how happy Helia made Flora and how he was a potential human jungle gym, she was like, yeah that’s enough for me

Shirley was hesitant of Musa at first, mostly due to past experiences and not being very used to trusting people to begin with (not to mention Riven’s past… lack of judgement) but she was slowly won over before they ever got together just by watching them together and realizing that Musa in some ways was just as guarded as Riven and that the two are really two birds of a feather and that they did each other good

Naten ADORED Timmy from the moment they met and has made it very much known that he will not accept anyone else as a brother-in-law (he totally requested relationship updates anytime he talked to Tecna in s1 and 2). Timmy takes Naten seriously when he gets curious about how Specialist weapons works and lets himself get bullied into joining in on lightning farming and from that moment Naten was like; Tecna you are marrying him

Zila thinks Timmy is the cutest and finds his crush on Tecna just very endearing, she totally has a soft spot for him and sees him as a little brother, she’s rooting for them just in a more subtle way than Naten, she always makes sure to compliment him cause she knows he doesn’t always get the praise he deserves

Thyler doesn’t really have a relationship with Tecna at all. He absolutely did not get at all what Timmy saw in her at first and just thought she was weird and that she didn’t reciprocate Timmy’s feelings. He probably tried to dissuade Timmy from his feelings in s1 and the start of s2 cause he didn’t want his brother to end up heartbroken. But, after watching them and having Tecna join them for a few family dinners, he sees that the crush is actually reciprocated and eventually his mindset changes into a; yeah she’s weird, but my bro is weird too, if being weird together will make them happy then go for it. Their relationship is more like- causal and teasing than anything, but he approves and even encourages it now, especially after seeing just how much Timmy loves her in s3, he was turned into a full supporter, even if he doesn’t always get their relationship

^picture the Bridgertons watching Francesca and John in s3, that’s Timmy’s family watching those two. Their neurotypical asses don’t get it but they’re supportive (at least post-Omega debacle)

[robotsandjunk]

In honour of pride month do you have any sexuality and BDSM hcs for the tfp Decepticons?

So I had to have a bit of a think about this one because in my personal view of Cybertronians sexuality isn’t as easily defined as it is for humans for various reasons but I’ll put down what I think they’d be in human terms since it’s an interesting thought experiment. I also went literal on the BDSM headcanon part since this’ll be such a big post

Megatron - Gay

He’s a dom top, he would be a switch in the top/bottom sense but he has some weird hang ups because of the gladiator pits, so connects submissions to loosing and all the consequences that come with that. It would take him a while to get through all that but he’s not the kinda guy to do deep introspection

He prefers holding his partners down rather than any sort of bondage, he also prefers partners that ‘put up a fight’ so to speak. He thinks dominance is something that should be earned so he needs to have a partner who could at least stand up to him

He’s kinda weird about interface in general

Soundwave - Demisexual

He’s a switch but likes to fight to determine the positions. These fights can be actual physical fights but he usually only does that with Megatron (it’s a bit more playful with other partners)

He’s a fan of bondage and will usually use his data cables to hold his partner. He’s not so much into being tied up himself though, it makes him feel trapped

He’s not really much of a sadist of masochist but doesn’t mind being a bit rough here and there

Starscream - Gay

Dom bottom, he likes things his way. That’s it

He’s not big on bondage, he’s never enjoyed being held or tied down but doesn’t mind tying his partner up on the odd occasion

Starscreams definitely got a slight sadistic streak, usually in small ways like a small pinch or a corrective tap with a cane. He can be a little bit of a masochist but there’d need to be a massive amount of trust before he’d even consider it, and he’s not a particularly trusting bot so he doesn’t indulge it often

Shockwave - Pan

Shockwaves a switch and bottom I’d say, but he has a lot of opinions on what’s going on and how things are done either way

He likes bondage for certain scenes it just depends on what he’s experimenting with that week, he’s got some nice equipment for it though everything’s very sturdy

He’s a bit of a sadist and masochist in the sense he he likes seeing how far a frame can be pushed and he finds the different reactions different bots have fascinating

Knockout - Gay

He’s a dom switch and just a little bit bossy in bed in general

He likes bondage but more in an artistic sense, so he more does it for aesthetic purposes rather than to actually restrain his partner. He has equipment that’s complement near any frame and paint job

He can be a bit of sadist but only to a small degree, he does enough repairs in his day job after all. He’s not a masochist in the slightest he’d barely tolerate his paint getting scuffed let alone any actual scratches

Breakdown - Bi

He’s a switch all around and is pretty go with the flow when it comes to interface in general

He’s so-so on bondage he’d never go out of his way to do it but he’s happy to discuss it with a partner

Breakdowns neither a sadist or masochist, he’s there for a good time and pain doesn’t constitute a good time to him (He’s also aware that he’s a big strong guy so even when he’s trying to be gentle that could still be a bit heavy handed for some)

Dreadwing - Pan

He’s a switch top but would probably fall more under the service top category he enjoys looking after his partners

Dreadwings not big into bondage, flight frames tend to get claustrophobic easily and being tied up exacerbates that. He doesn’t do bondage on partners either just because he can’t get his head around it being enjoyable

He’s not really a sadist or masochist he thinks violence of any kind should be kept to battle (not that he’s judgmental towards bots who are into it it’s just not his thing)

Airachnid - Lesbian

Airachnids a dom top and a mean one at that, she has high expectations of her partners and is very quick to correct mistakes

She a big fan of bondage and the kind she does is very artful. Usually its suspension bondage with the ropes tied in a very elegant manner that hides how sturdy they are

I think she’d definitely be a sadist, you’ve got to correct unruly subs one way or another. I’m genuinely not sure if she’d be a masochist or not, probably not but there’s always the possibility

[saphronethaleph]

Kayfabe

Anakin hurried into the room, and stopped short as he saw the dramatic scene.

Master Windu had his lightsaber out, and was pressing the Chancellor back against the edge of the destroyed window. Lightning was issuing forth from the Chancellor’s hands, crackling over Mace’s lightsaber, and the two men were locked in an epic struggle.

“Wow,” Anakin said.

Both Jedi and Sith looked at him.

“Anakin!” Mace said.

“Help me, Anakin!” Palpatine lamented. “He’s trying to kill me!”

“Wow,” Anakin repeated. “I was really taken in, Chancellor! This is an amazing performance!”

“What?” Palpatine asked, thrown, then had to double the effort he was putting into his lightning as he tried to avoid Mace’s lightsaber removing something important.

“I should have realized,” Anakin went on. “You’re really big into the theatre, and so is Master Windu – of course you’re not really a Sith, this is all part of a big dramatic performance!”

He looked around. “Sorry, I should really not be breaking kayfabe for the holocameras.”

“...what are you talking about?” Mace said. “What’s he talking about?”

“I should have realized how unrealistic it actually was,” Anakin went on, waving his hands around as he tried to explain the extent to which everything made sense to him now. “I’m the one everyone on the Council thought was the Chosen One, so of course they’d have made sure anyone I spent time with was vetted and actually above board, and there’s no way an actual Sith would have been allowed to hold an elected position in the Republic with the existence of simple midichlorian tests. But in the heat of the moment it’s a really dramatic revelation, and it’s a great opportunity for a really heartrending scene!”

He paused. “Actually, now I come to think of it, was I supposed to come in without realizing that? Am I supposed to be method acting? Because I can try but I’m not really very good at it, and I’d prefer to have done a few line reads first.”

Mace finally won the struggle, and his lightsaber seared Palpatine’s throat. Then the Chancellor exploded in a wave of force energy, knocking Mace nearly out the window and Anakin backwards into the area around the door.

“...ow,” Anakin muttered, picking himself out the wall, then gasped. “Oh no!”

He ran over to where Mace was clinging to the edge of the windowsill, and helped him up. “Master, I’m sorry about that, I ruined the take! I really hope you’ve got another practical effects Chancellor dummy… maybe this time we can do it once I actually know my stage directions?”

Mace looked at Anakin, then at the three dead Jedi Masters and the smoking remains of the Sith.

“...I’m going to have a word with Obi-Wan first,” he said. “Good work, Anakin.”

“Really?” Anakin said. “You think that was a good take?”

He frowned. “Oh, maybe you’re going to use overdubbing. I guess that would work, me standing there in astonishment and trying to resolve a mental conflict works.”

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Writing prompt (It’s silly)

- They sit down and TALK (while cuddling maybe). Stede explains what happened that night, and Ed explains what happened that day (was it at daytime? I don’t remember. But it’s izzy’s confrontation. That turned depressed ed into Kraken (and also depressed) ed )

““You don’t have to tell me or anything- I just- I’d just like to know what happened. The night you…”

Abandoned me was left unsaid”

They thank each other for being sincere at the end, ed feeling particularly guilty for leaving the crew at an island and throwing Lucius overboard.

I just want them to sort it out, to know the full story. Stede to tell ed he ended up faking his own dead in the most dramatic way possible to be back with him. And Ed to tell stede how it was when he first went back to the revenge, just curled up on bed and crying

I love heavy dialogue fanfics, sue me

LOVED this one! It wound up being one of my personal favorite fics I wrote for my birthday! <3

“Was it the kiss?”

Stede paused, his fingers stilling in Ed’s hair. He might’ve been close to drifting off, before Ed had to open his mouth. “Hm?”

Ed had to take a moment, push down the urge to leave this conversation for an easier time. They were trying to get past that. Talk it through as a crew of two, Stede was saying. And Ed had been thinking about this all fucking day, ever since Stede woke him up with a smiling kiss.

“I, uh,” he said, humming softly when Stede’s fingers started right back up in his hair. They’d taken to going to bed a full hour early, lately, just so they could cuddle and chat, and Ed never felt safer than he did just like this, his head pillowed on Stede’s chest. They could talk. He would be okay. “I was just wondering. Y’know, that day. Was it the kiss that made you panic?”

“Ah,” Stede said softly. “No. No, Ed, I promise it wasn’t the kiss. I loved the kiss.”

“Okay,” Ed mumbled.

Stede offered no further elaboration, instead moving his hand down to scritch lightly through Ed’s beard in a very obvious ploy to distract him. That could be the hard part about talking it through as a crew of two. Stede was a slippery motherfucker.

Tough luck. Ed could multitask.

He nuzzled into Stede’s hand, eyes closing at the feeling of Stede’s fingers in his beard. “You don’t have to tell me or anything. I just - I’d just like to know what happened. The night you…”

He trailed off. Hadn’t quite thought through where that sentence was going to go, distracted by Stede’s lovely fingers lovingly brushing along his jaw, and the last part, the abandoned me, hung heavy in the air.

“Because, like,” Ed went on, desperate to fill the silence, “if it was something I did, then I’m kinda scared I might repeat it -”

That was it. Fuckin’ bulls-eye. Getting Stede to open up could be like pulling teeth, but if he realized that his silence was making Ed suffer…

“No,” Stede gasped, reaching his other hand away to land on Ed’s side. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and like this, Stede’s hand always rested protectively over the cluster of scars on his tummy. “No, Ed, sweetheart, you didn’t do anything.”

Ed hummed softly, invitingly.

“I don’t want to make excuses,” Stede whispered, his eyes wide in the dark of their bedroom.

“No excuses, but I just want an explanation,” Ed said.

“Well…” Stede let his head flop back against the pillows. “Honestly, Ed, if I’d been woken up, I probably would’ve been there, but -”

“Wait, back up,” Ed said, resting his hand over Stede’s on his tummy. “If you’d been woken up? What do you mean if? I had a guy -”

Stede let his eyes close, like he didn’t want to watch Ed’s face. “That guy never woke me up, Ed,” he admitted, his voice a near-whisper. “It was Badminton -”

“The admiral?” Ed frowned. “What would he - shit, Stede, did he hurt you?”

Stede grimaced.

Ed sat bolt upright in bed, looking down at Stede in shock. “Did he -”

“It’s alright, sweet pea.” Stede sat up, too, taking Ed’s hand, putting it on his chest so he could feel his heartbeat. “Think he was a little pissed. About the whole thing with me killing his brother. He was so worked up, marched me out there at gunpoint -”

“What the shit,” Ed whispered.

“It’s okay,” Stede hurried to say, “because he tripped. Shot himself right in the eye. He was really drunk.”

“Stede, holy fucking shit,” Ed whispered, bringing his hands up to cup Stede’s face, just feel for himself that he was alright. “That’s fucking - shit! You could’ve died!”

Stede frowned, like he was digesting that.

“Oh my God, Ed,” he near-shouted, then. “I could’ve died!”

“Are you just now realizing that?”

“It’s the first time it’s really - fucking sunk in, thanks,” Stede snipped, shaking his head at the cieling. “Holy shit, I almost missed out on…all of this!”

Ed rubbed Stede’s back, trying to help ground him. Thankfully, Stede seemed a bit pissed more than truly rattled, and just mumbled about how Badminton really should’ve been kicked off the base acting like that before he was able to get to him, and…

Was Ed happy that Stede had been held at gunpoint? No. Fuck no. He wished he could bring Badminton back from the dead so he could shoot him personally. But…it was nice to know the context. He didn’t think he’d ever actually been angry with Stede, but it was still easier to swallow the whole thing knowing that Stede had been through something that would’ve made anyone panic.

It meant that it hadn’t been Ed’s fault.

Which led him directly to - 

“Hey, Stede,” Ed realized, shaking Stede’s shoulder. “Do you think what happened with me was your fault?”

Stede paused in the middle of his tirade about poor guard management at the barracks (“really, there was no reason he should’ve been able to march out a registered academy member at gunpoint without us being stopped by some authority”), and he blinked at Ed a bit blankly. “Uh,” he said, “yes?”

“Alright, that’s what I was afraid of.” Ed squirmed a bit. “Can you hold me for this?”

They repositioned, moving Ed between Stede’s legs so he could lay with Stede’s arms around his back and his head resting on Stede’s wonderful soft tits. The world was better from this vantage point.

“You really don’t have to get into any of it,” Stede told him, resting a hand on Ed’s cheek.

Ed nuzzled into his palm. “I want to,” he said, a bit surprised by how much he meant it. “You don’t deserve to think it was your fault. Just like…”

“Just like how you didn’t deserve to think me not showing up was your fault,” Stede finished with a smile, encouraging.

Ed took a deep breath.

“So,” he began, haltingly, “you know what happened when I got back to the ship?”

Stede frowned. “You pushed Lucius?”

Ed let out a little frustrated huff of a breath. “No, man. I mean, I was upset, but I was okay. I cried a lot, made a blanket fort. Slept in your robes because they smelled like you. I wrote some lyrics. I sang for the crew. I was feeling so much better. I thought they were gonna support me, in not wanting to be pirates anymore.”

Stede’s frown was deepening, a confused line popping out between his eyebrows.

“It’s not an excuse,” Ed hurried to say. “But Izzy, y’know, I said I wanted everyone to call me Edward, and then Izzy came in and told me he should’ve let the English kill me, and he said death was better than how I was acting, and he yelled at me until I tried to choke him - just to get him to stop, I swear - and then he said that was me, the violence was me, and he told me I better watch my fuckin’ step.”

He was rambling, a bit, because Stede had gotten very still and very quiet.

“Stede?” Ed prompted, nudging him a little.

“You’re telling me,” Stede said, his voice quivering with an anger Ed was a bit thrilled to realize wasn’t directed at him, “that he did that and I mourned his death? I let everyone blame you for what happened with his leg? Fuck, Ed, I would've shot him in both legs my fucking self, if I'd known! I just let him walk around my ship and -”

“Hey, hey, babe!” Ed rested his chin on Stede’s chest. “It’s okay, he got better -”

“Holy shit.” Stede dragged a hand over his eyes. “You had to interact with him - he came into our bedroom and opened the curtains on us in bed, after he did that to you.”

Ed frowned. “That’s - it’s okay, he was just being Izzy.”

“It’s not okay!” Stede shook his head emphatically. “You must’ve felt so unsafe -”

“I didn’t,” Ed promised. “I didn’t, because you were there.”

Stede let his breath out, long and slow.

“It doesn’t excuse what I did,” Ed mumbled, deciding to play with Stede’s chest hair instead of meet his eyes any longer. “And I feel awful for the crew. I shouldn’t have pushed Lucius. It wasn’t right, to take it out on them.”

Stede, apparently, had not moved on. “If I were you, I would've eaten his toes myself, just to really drive home the point.”

Ed snorted. “Babe.”

“I’m serious, Ed.” Stede held Ed’s face, making him meet his eyes. “Be sorry for the crew all you want. They’re okay. But you did not deserve that - do you think Buttons can bring people back from the dead? I’d like to have a word with someone.”

“Stede.” Ed let his body relax, curling around Stede’s. “Y’know, I wasn’t planning on giving you visions of bloodlust.”

Stede huffed. “You deserve the bloodlust.”

That was an idea, that Ed was worthy of the protection. Ed tabled it for later.

“Anyway,” he said, forging bravely ahead, “the point was - it wasn’t your fault.”

Stede blinked. Looked at him. Blinked again. 

“Oh,” he said, then. “I mean, it didn’t help -”

“Did not help, no.”

“But it wasn’t…” Stede nodded. “It wasn’t all me.”

“Wasn’t primarily you. Wouldn’t have happened at all if it had been just you.”

“Huh,” Stede said. “That’s…good to know.”

It was. It was good to know that it hadn’t been Ed’s fault, for Stede to know that it hadn’t been his.

“Life’s a dick,” Ed shrugged, figuring that was really the best way to sum it all up. “Hey, uh, if you don’t mind me asking - how did you leave Barbados? If you went back to your wife?”

“Oh!” Stede cuddled Ed close, his face breaking out into a smile. “Ed, you would’ve loved it! It was amazing - so, it all started when my ex-wife tried to stab me in the earhole with a skewer…”

Ed laughed and gasped through Stede’s story, and something in him felt quiet, for the first time in a long time. He still thought he had more amends to make. He still felt awful for the crew. But the whole world felt lighter.

Ed snuggled close to his boyfriend, and the world felt easy.

[batsclass101-blog]

Brick On The Head - Part 1

—————

Tim sipped his coffee and ticked off another mark in his log. He smirked to himself while pondering how long it would take his family to notice the change. Sometimes he took far too much pleasure in outwitting them. Alfred of course already had noticed the change in Tim’s height and weight. However, it had taken a week before the butler had mentioned it.

He’d always heard that growth spurt could be sporadic but he’d already accepted he was going to be short. Surprisingly… he’d been proven wrong and now found himself towering at six foot four.

It first showed up when he’d become ravenous. The increase in appetite had extended to raiding the fridge. Tim wouldn’t openly admit it, but he’d come to enjoy the extra attention Alfred had been showing him. Extra batches of cookies, special snacks slipped to him and the time to sleep. He’d never known sleep could feel so good. Alfred had been particularly smug every time he had caught Tim dozing.

All the little clues had led Alfred to the conclusion of Tim’s growth before the rest. He’d kept out of sight for a month or two, even shortened his patrols. Alfred had insisted when leg cramps and full body pain had caused Tim’s high pain tolerance to buckle.

“A growing boy needs rest, Master Timothy. If you choose to act foolishly, I shall inform-“

“Fine! I’ll cut patrol back a bit. But you get to give Bruce the excuse.”

It had been worth it. Tim had spent the extra hours wisely when his patrol was cut back. He’d cracked dozens of cold cases, reorganized files on the bat computer and most importantly he’d remained seated in the presence of his family.

The commitment to hiding his growth hadn’t slipped past Alfred. Often Tim had shared a small grin with the family butler. It was nice to get the best of the others… and Alfred was always the best ally.

A knock on the door broke Tim from his thoughts.

“Master Timothy, might I enter?”

“Yes, Alfred.”

“I believe your new suit is ready.” Alfred’s tone was one of approval. “You’ve outgrown the other.”

Tim swallowed a lump in his throat. He knew Alfred was speaking of Robin… Red Robin and even Drake. He’d put months into thinking this identity out. He’d picked a name his brothers couldn’t mock… well they’d find a way. He’d chosen a name. It was time.

Gently he took the box from Alfred and slipped into his bathroom. It took a few moments but he slid the new costume over his frame. He turned to glance in the mirror and a grin flirted across his face.

It incorporated the wing-like cape from his old Red Robin costume but the coloring was changed. Smiling he stepped out while applying his domino.

“Well… how does it look?”

Alfred was silent as he stared at his charge. Tears prickled the old man’s eyes. Young Timothy had shed the colors of his youth.

Tim’s new costume consisted of black pants still, but a line of muted green flanked down the sides. His wing-cape was almost completely black until it was spread. Underneath, a vibrant orange-red banded across the wings and tapered off into a muted tones. The shirt of the costume had adopted a matching muted green to compliment the stripes on his pants. His utility belt had remained black and his bandoliers a matching black.

“The colors of a Robin.. but a different bird completely.” Tim grinned.

“I quite agree. Might I ask your name, Master Tim.”

“Kea (KAY- yah).”

“Ah, very suiting indeed. One of the most intelligent birds.” Alfred’s lips twitched.

“And no one can say it sounds more feminine than Robin… So, can I head out without alerting everyone? I’d like to meet them all.”

“I cannot say I approve of tormenting them all… but I do have some things to do.”

“Thanks Alfred!” Tim dashed off. He couldn’t wait to see everyone’s reactions when they finally got a good look at him.

————-

Pt 2

[thelighthousestale]

What kind of dates do you think Harry and Ginny go on? I think they are super fun-loving thrill seekers. Harry was denied so many happy experiences when he was younger and I bet Ginny fantasized about all the things she would do when she was older and had money and finally some freedom. So, I think they are super fun and they travel a lot. Basically act like two big kids even when they are 35 or 45. They do things like order every dessert item on a restaurant's menu. They do dumb challenges like try every cereal and rank them from best to worst. Make a list of every single theme park and all the best rides and try to experience every single one (they def took Teddy to Disney World and paid for the VIP treatment so he could eat with Mickey Mouse). They do bucket list things like spend Christmas in NYC (Harry loves it because the muggles are distant and rude and that's totally his vibe) and spend New Years on Sydney Harbour watching the fireworks on the beach (one of Ginny's fave ever memories). When the kids have birthdays they are the aunt and uncle that rent the bouncy castle and water slide and rent a fckn pony for the kids to ride. They are FUN. For Christmas they do a build the nicest gingerbread house challenge with the kids and its super competitive. One time Ginny shows up at Hogwarts and says there is an emergency and the kids need to go with her and they are like wtf and then they meet Harry in Hogsmeade and take a portkey to Coney Island (Hermione is so furious and yells at H/G over this because it's SO childish and irresponsible - Ron is like please don't tell her I went with you she thought I was at work).

It was a difficult undertaking to plan a date night when your boyfriend happened to be the most famous wizard in the entire world. Everywhere they went, the press was sure to follow. And if not the press, then someone would try to tell Harry how amazing he was and ask for an autograph. Either way, if they spent too long in public, Harry would get spotted, and his mood would turn sour.

There was always the Leaky Cauldron—Hannah would ensure they had a private booth. But the Leaky was crowded and noisy and they spend so much time hanging out with friends there it didn't really feel like a date night location.

There were always weekend getaways to Romania to the Dragon Reserve to see Charlie or France with Bill and Fleur. But family trips, while fun, were not romantic.

They'd head out to Muggle London, go to the zoo, and once Harry took her to the movies. But if she was honest, Ginny didn’t understand the hype and much preferred reading her books or listening to stories on the wireless.

Or they’d go out with Hermione and Ron, but again—a date that included brothers was automatically not romantic.

Then there was coordinating their busy schedules. When Ginny didn’t have a game, she was usually training, and now that she was on the national team as well as the Harpies, her schedule was even more hectic.

Harry, of course, was busy not just with Auror training but also various committees to reform the Ministry. He always did his best to spend a day or two a week with Teddy—even if it was just a quick mealtime hello.

That’s why their best dates tended to be quiet ones at home. Just the two of them in the safe sanctuary they had built together. Away from public eyes, dark magic, and intrusive press. They’d play music records—a mix of wizard and Muggle music. Do silly dances while they cooked. Sometimes dinner turned out well, and sometimes they ended up walking to the nearby village to get takeaway when it turned into a disaster. But they had been living together for a couple of years, and Ginny was confident that their cooking was improving.

They’d share a bottle of wine and start a fire. Afterwards, Harry would look at her and ask if she wanted to fly.

She always said yes.

And in the cover of darkness, they’d fly. And they’d be free. It was wonderful—to reach out and touch the stars and have the love of your life hold your hand in return.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

You know, I was thinking about the ways that the Multiverse as whole might further contribute to Killer’s (specifically Stage 2) already preexisting dehumanization, demonization and objectification treatment he’s already received from Nightmare and Chara.

Being viewed and treated as something like a pet, or an asset, or a weapon. Something distinctly other from most people.

His SOUL is rather unique. The most likely people to have that shape and color is more than likely a variation of himself. He’s full of enough DT to be able to Reset, he seems able to understand the Humans in various timelines and universes in a way most can’t.

He can keep going beyond all reason and damage, his SOUL and codes are all deformed beyond recognition, he has knowledge he shouldn’t be able to know, physical strength he shouldn’t be able to have combined with his own experience, mindset, and skills that were all presumably required during..whatever made him what he is now, and he can be controlled simply through his SOUL.

And on that matter, what even *is* he? He’s not a monster. Not human. Not human AND monster. If he’s neither, then what is he then?

If Killer can’t give a satisfactory answer, people will either come to their own conclusions or seek to find out themselves.

The mad scientists types are definitely ones he’ll have to keep an eye out for, probably even rely on Nightmare’s fickle protection because no one would likely come looking for him should he disappear one day to be locked up in a lab for study. They’d be glad knowing he isn’t out there to be turned on them.

There might even be people out there determined to get rid of him and those like him, with strange SOULS or being soulless, because they’re seen as a threat or dangerous or just out of pure fear.

Imagine the sense of uncanny valley the rest of the Bad Sanses must experience by looking at him, let alone interacting with him. He is not a normal, stable functioning person and it shows. And yet he’s pretending to be.

Something is always..off about him. His eyes are too dead and empty to be something truly alive. His face never makes the right expression to match with his tone.

Any emotion that might show in his tone or face or body language is dismissed because..he can’t actually feel. He’s just pretending, to trick, to manipulate, surely.

And it makes it easy for most to either avoid him, completely ignore him as if he isn’t there, or be completely indifferent to any harm that comes to him or any opinions he has because..he isn’t like them. He doesn’t even seem alive or real most times..like he’s a shell to be filled.

Especially if he’s so easy to manipulate and control into doing absolutely horrid things through a simple SOUL keeping him complacent. Or at least that’s what the rest of the Multiverse has observed.

There’d be many chomping at the bit to claim and possess Nightmare’s living weapon as their own and use him for whatever goals and benefits they have in mind.

There’d probably be such casual dehumanizing, objectifying talk about or to him that most won’t even realize they’re doing it. But there are so many “justifications” people could use to treat him like that.

Maybe Nightmare uses this possibility to further keep ST2 loyal & with him. He offers protection, the rest of the Multiverse would love nothing more than to kill, experiment on, or use him.

[stardustloki]

Water Fight!

Lyana invites the Batch to take part in a water fight on Pabu. Used to combat sims on Kamino, they take this a little too seriously. Thankfully, their new family are around to correct their misunderstanding.

Tags: Gen, No warnings apply, Hunter-centric, slight angst, fluff, happy ending, Hunter thinks he's meant to be training Lyana in combat and as a good uncle he takes this Seriously

Read it on ao3 here.

Or below the cut...

-

The hot sun beat down on Hunter’s unarmoured body as he crouched behind a low wall, gripping the brittle blaster tight in his sweating hands, listening intently for any of their pursuers. Lyana crouched beside him, eyes wide, clutching her own blaster close to her body and breathing heavily.

“Did we lose them?”

Her whisper was quiet, but there was a chance it wouldn’t be quiet enough. Some enemies would have scanners trained to pick up on the frequencies of human voices. As Hunter shrugged in response, he made an internal note to teach her battle sign.

She nodded in response, jaw set, eyes serious.

They’d started off together, he, Lyana, Omega, Crosshair and Wrecker, before an ambush had forced them to separate. He cursed himself for not paying better attention, for assuming that the villagers had just been going about their everyday business, sipping cool drinks on their shaded verandas. Oh how wrong he had been.

Now, they were out in the open, cut off from the others, with no idea of the true number of hostiles they were facing.

“Do you remember how to get to the rendezvous point?” Hunter asked lowly. Lyana nodded. “Good. I want you to follow my lead, but remember, if we get attacked and I go down you do not stop for me. You get to the RV. Make sure to use as much cover as you can and try not to run in a straight line, the more obvious your movements are the easier they’ll find it to get a lock on you.”

“Yes, sir.” Lyana gave him a salute so poorly executed that his breath almost hitched. It was a good thing she hadn’t been raised on Kamino, but still, he should probably teach her how to salute properly in any case, it might be a useful skill.

Hunter nodded, satisfied at her words at least, and gestured for her to stay behind him. He didn’t think there were any hostiles nearby, but they were about to break cover and they needed to be careful.

At least, he consoled himself, if Lyana did get hit, the bursts of water wouldn’t hurt in the same way training rounds did.

He had to admit that he’d been surprised when, an hour earlier, Lyana had shown up at their house, informing them that the outside temperature meant that today they’d be having a water fight. Of course, he’d been thinking Lyana should probably be combat trained at some point - there was no guarantee that the Empire wouldn’t show up again, or that her Aunt Phee wouldn’t be followed home by some people she’d pissed off as part of her work - and had started to discuss the possibility with Shep. What he hadn’t been expecting was Lyana to take the decision into her own hands. Still, it was a promising step, and the Bad Batch had wasted no time in figuring out the training weapons and devising a strategy, making sure to explain everything to Lyana and make sure she could fire with… okay it was pretty terrible accuracy and that was something they would desperately need to work on. But there was a one in ten chance she’d hit her target if it was stationary.

Omega had been particularly excited about all this, grinning wildly and bouncing on the balls of her feet, talking to her friend a-mile-a-minute about how happy this made her.

By the time the combat had started, they’d been ready. What they hadn’t counted on, was how numerous their enemies would be.

Hunter and Lyana made their way carefully between the houses, sticking to shady alleyways as much as possible. He made sure to keep his eyes flickering up to rooftops or upper windows - he knew well from Crosshair that people didn’t often expect an attack to come from above. He wouldn’t let this be their downfall.

Thankfully, they made their way to the small plaza without incident. On their way to this rendezvous point, they had been spotted by some locals, who’d grinned at them and gave them a cheery wave - Lyana giving one of her equally cheerful but awful salutes back. Hunter just hoped that they wouldn’t give away details of their movements to the other side.

In the street across from them, Omega snuck into view, pressed into the shadows. Wrecker followed behind her, slightly less well hidden. They both gave Hunter a salute, which he returned. Now they just needed to wait for Crosshair, provided he hadn’t already been taken out.

In the centre of the shaded plaza, a large fountain bubbled. It would be an excellent place to resupply their ammo, but moving to the centre of the plaza would render them more exposed to enemy fire.

With his focus half on the fountain, it took Hunter longer than he should have to realise that the movement behind Wrecker wasn’t Crosshair joining them. Fortunately, Wrecker seemed to notice the extra person at the same time as Hunter did, and threw himself on top of Omega, sending them both tumbling to the ground at the same time as a blast of water went right through where they had been a second earlier. Their assailant didn’t get another chance to fire however, because they were hit by a strong blast of water to the head from above. Hunter grinned. Crosshair.

“Hey, not fair!” Wrecker’s voice rang out across the street and Hunter cursed. Staying hidden and winning this fight was gonna be a lot harder if his brother acted as a homing beacon for the hostiles. Still, they’d survived much worse. They wouldn’t fail this exercise. “I shot you earlier! You can’t get up and keep attacking us.”

“Sure I can,” Phee replied, wiping water out of her eyes. “That’s how water-blaster fights work.”

Even as he gestured for Lyana to stay hidden behind him, Hunter could see Wrecker and Omega shooting each other looks of confusion as they scrambled up off the floor.

“Then how can you tell who wins?” Omega asked, frowning. He noted with a burst of pride that her blaster was still trained on Phee.

“It’s not about winning,” Shep replied, emerging to stand in the sun next to Phee. “It’s about cooling down during a hot day, getting yourself and the other team as drenched as possible.”

Hunter was pretty sure Omega and Wrecker’s dubious looks matched his own.

“Look,” Phee said. “If y’all would be happier treating this like another battle, I ain’t stopping you. But, in my opinion, this way’s more fun.”

It was at that moment, Lyana sprang up towards her father, yelling and firing her water-blaster at him. Too late to grab her, all Hunter could do was provide extra fire at Shep, while Crosshair automatically did the same to Phee. Hopefully, their covering fire would allow Lyana to make her escape without getting hit.

All too soon, they were all out of ammo.

Spluttering, Shep dropped his blaster and wiped water from his eyes, but instead of giving in, he grinned and scooped Lyana up into his arms, before spinning her round and dumping her into the fountain. He laughed uproariously as she emerged, completely drenched, yelling incoherently at her dad, splashing waves at him from where she sat in the pool of water. 

When she turned towards Hunter, he could see she was grinning too.

Oh. Okay. If the rules didn’t really matter then.

Hunter broke cover and raced towards Omega, sweeping her up before she knew what was happening, and dropping her into the fountain beside her friend.

“Hey!” she shouted, but in the second between her yell and Wrecker barrelling into him with a cry of “Traitor!”, he could tell she wasn’t really mad at him. He didn’t bother bracing himself, and instead let Wrecker push him into the pool of water beside them, laughing as he surfaced, pulling back his wet hair from where it stuck to his face.

All too soon, Omega and Lyana were on him, scooping water up and throwing it at him, cursing his betrayal. It was all Hunter could do but howl with laughter as Omega tried to duck his head under the water and he succeeded in doing the same to her.

Of course, there would come a time where Lyana did need to learn how to defend herself, but, for now, in his happiness, Hunter couldn’t find himself much caring.

For now, life was good.

[fernhelm]

opinions on the black sister relationships? i love your character posts sm!

i’m blowing you a kiss!

i love thinking about them…sorry this took so long, i was busy lounging and watching killing eve. i might type up something about the dynamic between the three of them, but i broke them down into pairs here.

bella & cissa ♛

i made a webweave here that basically sums up my thoughts on bellacissa. i do think cissa thinks she’s a fanatic and completely bonkers, but she’d defend her anyway. narcissa appreciates that in their patriarchal fucked up family, bella is carving her own path—she isn’t docile or ladylike at all. so cissa takes some vicious pleasure in how unleashed bella is. conversely, bellatrix has a deep-seeded jealousy FOR narcissa, who is at least able to play the part of the perfect pure blood woman in a way bellatrix never could. my vision is that druella has contempt for bella but pays a lot of attention to narcissa. once druella is dead, bella sees narcissa as both her baby and her mother in a way, and she resents both. but i won’t get into bella here she deserves her own post.

bella & andy ♞

the hardest relationship for me is bella and andy. my belief is that these two are one year apart in age, like irish twins. we know from dh that they’re basically identical. I think they were pitted against each other a lot. they both end up teaching each other how conditional someone caring for you can be. it’s obvious that andy leaving really wounds bella (as evidenced by the ferocity with which she wants to kill ted and tonks), so there is a degree of power andy hold over her emotionally. bella is both the terrorist and the protector in the home. she goes after both her sisters, but it’s with the ultimate goal of making them strong enough to face anything that’s thrown at them…andy doesn’t want to change her or save her—she knows all the dark, evil parts of her and grapples with all the times bella showed her tenderness or turned her rage against someone else for her sake. i think they can read each other’s body language perfectly, but don’t understand each other’s minds at all. once they’re older they fight all the time, verbally if not with magic, and it would start with bella making some pointed jabs to get her attention and andy curating a biting response without looking up from her magazine and just like that they’re dueling. but once it’s over and they’re panting on the floor, bella would kick her leg and they’d smirk at each other a bit. or one of them would storm out. i do think that andy did bella’s hair for every event they attended between the ages of 8 and 16. huh, i guess i have more to say about them than i thought i did.

andy & cissa ♝

narcissa spends years stepping in the footprints andy has left behind. before she figures out who she is, she’s just a ghost of andy. she learns all her best defenses from her. i don’t think andy feels very bad about leaving her behind. i don’t think she’d try to convince narcissa to go with her either. she would miss her so much, but she’d grieve her like she’s dead. i don’t see her as a person who holds on to a lot of regrets. and she’s in love! she wants to run away and forget every bad thing that ever happened to her! is that a crime? narcissa thinks it is. growing up andy was her strongest ally, and she takes it as the ultimate betrayal when she leaves. similarly to regulus, she looks down on andy and maligns her whenever her name comes up, but it’s a cover up for how hurt she is. andy knows all the reasons that narcissa thinks she’s trapped in the life she leads, but she still thinks ‘if you want out, get out.’

daughters 1, 2, 3 ♙

fairy tales often follow a 1 2 3 format because it’s easy to remember a moral lesson tied up with a bow when it comes in a set of three (three billy goats, beauty and the beast, the peverell brothers). it goes bad bad good. so it’s super interesting that the ostensibly “good” one, andy, is the middle child. she is bookended by two death eater sisters. which raises the question: what went wrong (or right) with her? and for the others too—narcissa in canon is primarily draco’s mother, but giving her andromeda AND bellatrix as sisters raises all kinds of questions about her upbringing and interpersonal relationships. bellatrix chases and scolds narcissa at the beginning of half-blood prince, and she’s not particularly scary at all. the terrifying evil bitch who killed sirius calls her sister cissy? three sisters who mean vastly different things to harry, but we never get the three of them in a room, so so much is left to the imagination. lots to play with. good things come in threes!

[iota-in-space]

I do think Voltron happened in a weird time period where, during the writing process there wasn’t really much queer representation in children’s media. (As well as, how much of that rep was deep and complex and focused heavily on the relationship between the m/m or f/f ships? Vs just an implication that two characters got together?) So Execs would be hesitant to make that big step to have a queer relationship, there’s a market of homophobic viewers (and straight up countries) they’d loss. It’s too risky.

Then as Voltron came out representation was getting a bit better, both in cartoons and just in society in general (rainbow capitalism and stuff, they’re profiting from us but at least they’re including us ya know.) So maybe Execs could live with a character being implied to possibly be gay in some kind of way. And there was groundwork for Shiro to be revealed as gay rep, if they ever decided to go that route. It could be a possibility.

And the fans wanted queer representation. And eventually the higher ups were ok with a male character saying to another gay man “You’re like a brother to me. I love you.” In the most gut wrenching voice that made the actual VA cry while recording. A younger generation didn’t grow up with the necessity to add subtext to queer relationships. In more recent years characters were just queer. So they’ve got no idea of the “no homo bro” trope. Why would they need to? Ironically enough the “You’re like a brother to me” line was probably meant to add deniability to the gay allegations to keep a broader audience. But the people who were the most loud about championing Queer Representation saw that and went No They Are Not Gay.