#but it's gonna keep happening if i don't allow myself to get better

[alex-the-bringer-of-chaos]

Gosh the new messy state (always been complicated, the motive is just different) that my relationship with my parents has entered a few months ago has finally decided to combine with the patterns of behavior and paranoia that became the pattern of thought and behavior from my childhood and teenage hood, and now I've been stuck for over a month in the same old cycle of self sabotage with the added factor of anxiety and fear that makes me terrified of taking an action and fucking things up.

And like, who am I gonna tell this shit? This happens all the time, the motives just change. So really, whose even gonna want to hear me talk about the same old shit of how I feel frozen and terrified of acting the wrong way, just because the motive is different. People have it worse and still can act, but no, Alex is always getting stuck in their head, he's always terrified of fucking it up on accident so she goes and fucks it up on purpose or does nothing in an attempt of making people leave. Cause that's what they deserve. Fucking hell I was a kid when I made one stupid decision towards myself and this is the outcome. What the fuck man?!?

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[darqx]

If you didnt come to party [get the hell out of this club]

In which there's some links to old art - I've been getting a number of asks that are already technically answered so that's just what I'm gonna be doing if i can even remember what RAD they originally came from lol.

❗️For commonly asked qs please see my BTD FAQ

UNFORGIVEN.

Yes he can speak at least two demon languages (commons and a more specialised one).

Not really cos the ichor will eventually disappear if it's not in contact with Rire for a while lol. You ever wonder how someone could mysteriously drown whilst not being around anything they could have drowned in? Yeah.

I have drawn several such instances a long time ago. But it's not really Rire flirting with Ren it's more him being like...subtly condescending to Ren since Ren's submissive level is not very interesting to him |D

I...think you may have possibly mistaken me saying Rire might cry if he was in severe pain to mean that's the only time he could cry XD; To answer your q, yes Rire can cry from emotions - the point is he would choose not to (esp in public) as that would be a weakness.

🤔 You could probably get away with the same dress design but in black, tbh (if it was Lady Rire). Since the outfit design is 1930s/1940s based Rire's equivalent would be like...a 3 piece suit with a long overcoat/trench coat.

Got you covered bro [from a suit meme I did before]

Rire has a very long life span, but he's not immortal XD;

Tbh I don't really have thoughts about any of other peoples headcanons. Like I'm generally quite neutral towards headcanons because I primarily deal with the canon; the extent of my thoughts would be like "hm i wonder how they came up with that" lol.

This is actually in my FAQ :d but good of you to check for permission! If it's your own artwork then yes it is ok to make fanmerch of Rire. Similarly Gato allows fanmerch of her BTD and TPOF characs as long as it's your own art you are selling (and not like, our art/someone else's fanart that they didn't give permission to turn into merch).

It would be in Cain's best interest not to.

Cain is literally saying Olé Olé because i happened to be listening to this song at the time.

I can barely keep up with my ask box as myself let alone do it while pretending to be a charac lol, so no 😅 You can find a bunch of the most common qs in the FAQ pages though.

No and not really - though he is a bit more sensitive to light compared to a human as he has much better night vision than a human. He may also be able to see more colours than humans 🤔

There is technically no "stereotypical" demon in my 'verse, there's a bunch of different species each with their own looks/powers, so if he was another species then he'd have their physical characteristics. Rire's species is considered "plain" because outwardly they can pass more easily as a human than say; Izm's species (who have a really noticeable Glasgow smile-esque mouth as one of their physical features).

Yes he was born a demon...to his demon parents...|D;

He's the king of his sector and his sector is pretty well-to-do, I think you can draw your own conclusions from that lol.

Maybe, depends on what the human in question does with that.

Your second q has two answers depending on what context I answer them in, so I'll reply in the BTD context keeping in mind a charac like EP's Cain :d Basically yes Rire would be able to sense them like he does other demons. It's not a specific sense of "THIS CHARAC IS AN ANGEL" but more like "this charac is not human" and depending on what else he gets from it a "in your best interests to not engage".

Something big with long black fur and yellow eyes, maybe like a Norwegian Forest Cat or a Maine Coon.

[kelstey]

mattheo riddle ☆ focus

mattheo riddle x f!reader

contains smut

❃゜・。. ・°゜✼ ゜°・ . 。・゜❃

"mattheo, i've explained this several times, what do you mean you don't understand?" you crossed your arms as you stared at the hot, godsend of a brunette boy in front of you.

"i don't understand," mattheo shrugged and sat back in the library chair.

"i'm going to explain one more time, and if you still don't get it then i'm going to leave," you gave him a stern look.

"yes ma'am," matthe smirked and you ignored him.

you went over the details of the spell again, making sure to emphasise certain words and go slowly so mattheo's hollow brain could take in as much information as possible.

at the beginning of you two studying, he was focused. he knew what he was doing and you were able to make great progress- for two hours only, though.

"mattheo, fuck! just focus," you snapped at him. usually you would've gotten screamed at by the librarian but it was past closing times, she allowed you two to stay beyond curfew on the deal that whatever happened, like being caught in the library by another teacher, would not be her problem.

"how am i meant to focus when you look so good? i thought i could help myself but fuck," he groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"and that's my problem how?" you shot him a death glare.

"is that an attitude i sense there?" he leaned forward.

"maybe, what are you gonna do about it?" you smirked back, knowing you were all bark and no bite.

"how about i fuck that attitude out of you?" mattheo's eyes remained on yours.

"yeah bet you'd love that, wouldn't you? but we have to get going with this studying," you huffed, slightly flustered but you weren't going to let him know he had that affect on you.

"i think i know a way that i could focus better," he smirked before getting up out of his seat and walking towards you.

"and that is?" you raised your eyebrow.

"let me eat you out while you read out those notes," he got on his knees in front of you.

you could've melted at the sight of mattheo fucking riddle being kneeled down in front of you. you felt the thin material of your thong quickly get soaked by the sight of him, his eyes quietly pleading at you.

"please?" he begged, his large veiny hands moved onto your knees, ever so slowly massaging up your thighs. you were beyond speechless- unaware of what to do or say, but you were absolutely loving it.

"if you don't want me to, you should saying something," mattheo said before kissing your thighs, each kiss making its way up to your skirt that was rolled up high. "such a slut aren't you? pulling your skirt so high, letting the whole school see what's all mine."

"mattheo, please," you breathed out as you could hear your own pulse from how desperate he got you in just a few seconds.

"yes ma'am," he said before pulling your legs apart, revealing your soaked underwear. "so wet for me already."

his gorgeous eyes flicked back up to yours, you watched him as he took a thumb up to your clothed clit before circling it ever so lightly. you threw your head back in pleasure despite him barely making any contact.

"tell me what you want," mattheo's thumb circled harder. his lips nipping down at the flesh on your thighs, undoubtedly leaving hickies but you couldn't care less, it felt amazing.

"i want you, i want your tongue eating me out," you moaned.

"that's what i like to hear," he smirked to himself before painfully and slowly taking your underwear off.

you opened up your notebook, trying to concentrate as mattheos mouth attached itself to your clit and quickly working on it. "fuck," you moaned.

mattheo's hands were cold, they found their way onto the sides of your thighs, holding on tightly as he did his magic.

"appare vestigium is the-" you couldn't even finish your sentence as you felt mattheo's tongue lap over your clit repeatedly. great heavens above.

you were puzzled when he quickly pulled away,

"keep reading."

you rolled your eyes and looked back over to your notes, "appare vestigium is a spell which," you held back a moan as mattheo stuck two fingers inside of you, "reveals the traces of magic-including spells- shit mattheo."

"keep going," he said while still going at it, the vibrations of his words made your back arch.

"it magically transports the caster to another location instantaneously," you bit down on your tongue, your hips grinding up onto his face and mattheo seemed to be enjoying every single second. "the destination is one that the primary user has been to or seen in some fashion previously. it can be used to apparate multiple people at once if holding each other. no incantation required."

your hands made its way into mattheos hair, pulling it slightly as he made your legs tremble in pleasure. "keep going," you moaned out.

"wasnt planning on stopping," he said. he pulled your legs over his shoulders, maintaining his grip on your thighs. you continued to ride his face, feeling your stomach tighten as mattheo made no efforts to slow down.

"mattheo- holy fuck," you barely breathed out,

"i'm gonna cum."

"cum for me, be a good girl and cum all over my face," his words only made you grow weaker as you rode out your high.

you sat back on the library seat, saying absolutely nothing yet so much was said. mattheo admired the state you were in, hair was a mess, your clothes all wrinkled, your legs shaking.

"i think i got the spell that last time," he laughed.

you shot him a glare, "you better have. i dont think i can do anymore." you went to stand up but quickly fell onto the table, your arms barely being able to hold you in place as your legs continued to ache.

"wonder who got you into that state," mattheo laughed before walking back to you. "allow me." he carried you bridal style out of the library and made his way to your dorm.

"think you can get into bed by yourself?" he asked.

"if you're asking to sleep over then just do it," you rolled your eyes playfully.

"you shouldn't be giving me that attitude, look where it got you last time," he said, referring to your current state of being unable to walk.

"shut up, riddle."

❃゜・。. ・°゜✼ ゜°・ . 。・゜❃

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Can I request yandere Jason, Jeff and Sully with a Y/N who during one of them attempts to escape suffered an accident and lost their memory?

they dont remember anything, not even that their kidnapped.

Okay I was so, so excited when you sent this in I need you to know that. However, I now can't repeating "they had amneesssiiaaaa" to myself cause of this silly video my partner showed me about video games where they keep repeating that and it's very funny and I'm gonna link it here even though it's very unrelated

You were so close to freedom, so close to finally getting away from your captor. You'd worked so hard to plan your escape, including the memorized route you'd take to get out of there while he was distracted, leaving you plenty of time to leave. You could taste your freedom on your tongue as you sprinted through the woods, left, right, left, right, right, but before your final left on the path, you'd gotten too tired, and you'd tripped on a stray tree root, falling and slamming your head quite hard onto the root of a separate tree, rendering you unconscious. You could have been out for just a few minutes, or even a few hours, but it gave your captor enough time to track you and find you, hovering over you as you finally peeled your eyes open. He expected you to cry or beg for forgiveness, but you didn't. No, you could only blink up at him in confusion and ask, "Who are you?"

Jason:

Jason thinks this must be some sort of blessing from above, some kind of repayment for all of his years of suffering. The two of you before your last attempted escape were most certainly not where he wanted you to be in your relationship, but now you have no memory of that, no memory at all. This has to be the best thing to ever happen to him, to happen to the two of you. He took advantage of your amnesia immediately, without even a hint of guilt in his mind. He'd told you that he was your dearest husband, that the two of you had been on a little walk and you'd fallen and must have bumped your head too hard. He gently escorted you home, and you were so quick to trust him that he couldn't help but internally laugh. In the coming days, he would continue planting seeds in your mind, about how you've always been incredibly loving and affectionate toward him, that you like it when he touches you whenever he wants, that you allow him to force you into whatever kind of situation he wants.

You go along with it with that adorably innocent look on your face because you just don't know any better. He never falters, convincing you to become his little doll just as he's always wanted you to be, it's so much fun for him, and it makes him so happy, and because he's so happy, you're so happy as well. Of course, the thought crosses his mind that maybe one day you'll remember the truth, but he reaches a conclusion to that easily; if you regain your memories, well, he can just cause you some head trauma again! Just enough force to make you have amnesia again, and he can start all over as many times as it takes because now that he knows what it's like to have all of your love and attention, he's not giving it up ever again. You're just the cutest little toy, and he'll do whatever he can to keep you that way, keep you being so loving and sweet and wonderful, no matter what your slowly returning memories try and convince you of, he'll win in the end.

Jeff:

Jeff is going to be the one to most easily fuck it up, that much is obvious, but he tries his best. Yandere Jeff has no control over himself or his emotions, as much as he tries to, and his anger issues are much worse than they are in normal Jeff. See, Jeff doesn't even believe you at first, thinks you're playing a trick on him and he yells at you for it, but when you react with more fear than usual a part of him realizes that perhaps this is the truth, and he stops and apologizes, not wanting to waste the opportunity he has here. He tells you that he's your partner and that you had gone on a walk by yourself and gotten lost, that he was coming to find you, and that you must have tripped and hit your head. You hesitate, but you accept his outstretched hand and follow him home, unknowingly walking right back into the hell you'd been trying so hard to get away from. Your time spent with Jeff isn't as bad as it had been, as he's trying so desperately to not fuck this chance up, but you're naturally suspicious of him due to his clear uncontrolled temper.

He doesn't hit you anymore, because he knows that will definitely fuck everything up, but sometimes he can't help but yell at you when you do something he perceives as wrong (because you've forgotten all of the ridiculous rules he had set), and so he does his best to remind you of them, forcing apologies out of his throat. It never crossed his mind that you could get your memories back, but with the repeated tone and threats he'd always used before, things started to come back to your mind, memories that had been sealed away by your fall, and the more he forces himself on you, his lips, his hands, his body, the more you grow internally hesitant, and the less you believe the lies he's spewing. It's only inevitable that one day you'll try and escape again, but only because you don't know the true extent of his violence, and he won't hold back next time, no, next time his gentleness with you will fade permanently.

Sully:

The look of fear in your eyes is one he's familiar with, but the confusion you throw at him is most certainly not, so Sully hesitates as he goes to pick you up and bring you back. When yandere, Liu and Sully are flipped, as Liu is the incredibly manipulative one who forces you to be there, and Sully is the soft sweet, and gentle guardian who looks out for you. Sully always follows Liu's orders, always restrains you, and makes sure you remain there, but now... Now he could finally save you, he could let you get away, but at the same time, he fears what Liu might do to you if he has to hunt you down all over again, and his fear of Liu wins out. He explains that he's your partner (one of two, as he explains his situation with Liu), and he takes you back home. He looks out for you this time, however, preparing you for what's to come. He tells you what Liu is like, tells you how to behave (as the two of them don't share memories), and he makes sure you're ready.

He leaves a note for Liu that you have amnesia, and so Liu is none the wiser when he sees you for the first time after your accident and suddenly you're all lovey-dovey with him. However, the one you truly fall for is Sully. Whenever it's Sully you're with he's always trying to help you regain your memories, always trying to do the right thing, and he's so obviously sweet with you, all of Liu's cunning and manipulation vanishing as Sully tries so hard to help you. If you, amidst your amnesia, play your cards right, you might even be able to convince Sully to help you escape next time. At least, so long as Liu doesn't catch on to what's happening. If he does, Liu might just have to hide you away somewhere secret, somewhere Sully won't be able to find you and protect you. It's up to you to either submit to your fate with them or take a chance and risk it all as both of them grow clingier and clinger with you as they force themselves on you in their own ways.

[schizosupport]

Hi I noticed sometimes I can start slipping into something like paranoia or delusions, do you have any resources for getting oneself out of it? I’ve tried looking for advice but mostly it’s the good ol “how to help your loved one” and im like oh lol

Hi there!

I vaguely remember once writing out my personal method of trying to challenge potentially delusional thinking in myself - I want to see if I can find that and reblog it for you.

Overall, for me, I find that when I start to slip, it can help to change gears. If I was gonna go to sleep, I get up, turn on the lights, go to another room, make a little tea. I'm lucky enough that I live with partners who know and understand that I sometimes need support, and so I often seek out company. I try to do it before I get to the point where I'll feel convinced that I shouldn't bother. But I know not everyone has the opportunity to seek out company, I didn't always either.

Try not to argue directly with it, even if it seems silly atm - often arguing about a delusion with yourself or others only makes the delusion MORE concrete .. bc now your brain has to come up with arguments for how this could be real.

I think of my psychosis like a scared little animal that's backed into a corner. And I try to allow it to be there while also keeping track of shared reality, so I don't do something dangerous there.

Personally I think it's ok to do little things that make you feel more safe even if they "lean into a delusion", like holding a magical item of protection. It's very individual whether that's good for a person, so watch out if you start to get obsessive about it. Acting directly on paranoia can often make it worse however, so if you are able not to, it can be better to force yourself to do the thing that scares you. For example my paranoia tells me to hide every part of me under the duvet, and then I'll feel safe. But it's a trap, because once I'm stuck down there I'll become further convinced that if I hadn't done that, I would've become possessed by a spirit. By keeping my head over the duvet the spirit remains a potentiality that has yet to happen. I know similarly if I get anxious about a food once I already started eating it, it's better for me to finish eating it, and that way my paranoia will pass quicker.

This is obviously all very personal, but those were just some thoughts ^^

[saturnville]

trust me (no, mr. snow).

pairing: young!coriolanus snow x black fem oc (illia furdoix). warning: book accurate snow, arranged marriage, toxic!coriolanus. trigger warning: stupid coriolanus. content: illia finally decides to stand up against her husband and sets him straight. an: so, I liked where this was heading, so we're gonna continue it. and yes, we're going from yes to no.

tags: @snowlandsontopp @babyzzlove @hlstead @rosewine-5 @unicornqueen05 @thegabbyh @neeville @fastlikealambo @urfavesim to keep your spot on the tag list, you are expected to interact! reblog and comment for continued work!

"Do you trust me?"

Such a loaded question he dared to ask. It pulled a scoff out of her chest. A scoff; a sound of disbelief in response to his foolishness. Foolish is what he was. A damn idiot.

The audacity of him to ask such an egregious question with no hesitation made her jaw tick. Who was he? Did she trust him? She'd trust a hungry lion before she put her trust in the man she called her husband. Illia learned her lesson of giving him the benefit of the doubt. It only bit her in the behind and put her through the ringer of embarrassment each time.

"No," she replied plainly, her eyes not moving from the book she read. Her head was lowered as her eyes skimmed the pages from behind her round glasses. Illia brought a finger to her lips, tapped it against her tongue, and flipped the page.

In any other situation, she would have lied. She would have squeaked out a yes like a little mouse, shuddered when his cold eyes threatened to freeze hers over, and retreated to a corner. No; she couldn't take it any longer and she refused to. Coriolanus Snow would no longer have the ability to make her feel small and useless ever again. She'd rather be put six feet under before she permitted it.

"No?" he repeated. The shock in his voice made her lift her eyes. She blinked slowly. What had he failed to understand? For someone to be Academy and University educated, he seemed to have a difficult time grasping the concept.

"No, Mr. Snow," she said firmly. "I don't trust you. And do you know why I don't trust you, Coriolanus?" Illia closed her book and placed it on the bed. She folded her hands over her lap like her mother used to do and sighed softly. "I don't trust you because you are a selfish, egotistical individual who finds joy in putting others down because you cannot allow yourself to heal from what traumatized you.

"Life sucked for you, and for that I am truly sorry. But to think that you have the right to be a tyrannical imbecile because of it? Who even are you?"

Coriolanus' face reddened like the crimson of his suit. His nose flared. His jaw tightened. She kept going.

"And who are you to treat me any kind of way? Who was I to let you? Newsflash, Coriolanus, it wasn't my dream to marry you. But, guess what? Here we are. I may not like it, but I show up. I show up because you have goals to achieve, I show up because I have goals to achieve. I show up because I like to think that eventually we'll get along. I don't know when it'll happen but you better beg your lucky stars that they do."

Finally, Coriolanus spoke up, voice low and gruff. "And why is that, Illia?"

She stood to her feet and let them carry her to them. She sighed lightly and brought her hands to his chest. Coriolanus flinched. Her fingers danced along the color of his button-up and she pretended to straighten it. "If you don't, I'll let everyone know how their beloved president of Panem has no issue dragging his wife through filfth behind closed doors. I will become your worst nightmare, Coriolanus Snow."

She brought her lips to his ear. "If you think you'll have me, an educated and beautiful woman by your side, you will earn it. if not, I'll watch you burn. Choose wisely, Mr. Snow. I hope I made myself clear."

Illia turned on her heels and crawled back into bed with her book. Coriolanus was rigid as a statue, paralyzed with shock and a small ounce of fear. Would she really do such a thing? Coriolanus took a deep breath and began walking out of the bedroom.

"Close the door behind you!"

Checkmate.

[saintyveningstar]

Mama! Abby Anderson headcannons!

No. 2

Part 2 of Mom! Abby Headcannons !

No. 1

❄️The biggest issue her kids have is maintaining eye contact while holding a conversation, and she has to remind them at every turn — they got it from her, as she used to be incredibly shy as a kid

❄️Abby has to remind her kids (and sometimes Ellie) to keep their dirty boots outside if they're not going to clean them right away

❄️(In my AU) Abby's son Absalem is usually called Abby or Abby junior, not only because of his name but also because of the traits of her that he emits

❄️She does not tolerate her kids drinking, smoking, or doing drugs of any kind - her family is prone to asthma and other serious conditions that affect the breathing or heart - also, she just doesn't want it going on, plain and simple

❄️"Don't let me find out, alright hun?"

❄️"Do not make me turn this fucking car around, you hear me?!"

❄️shes fair but also strict so if she planned on beating your ass she's gonna definitely do it

❄️"move your hand, ah-ah." She'll snap while delivering a spanking. "We're not doing that, move your hand before I get real mad."

❄️she doesn't tolerate fighting or talking back to the teacher, none of that and will get you together very quickly if she catches wind something like that has happened

❄️her children don't really have problems with grades (because they're her kids, duh) so when grades drop she knows something is the matter

❄️has to open bottles, cans, and jars for literally everyone

❄️teaches consent rules very early on and enforces that consent rules are applicable to everything and everyone

- (her teaching them) "Just like when you knock and ask someone if you may come in, you always ask someone if you're allowed to touch their body or enter their personal space." She explains, "Never assume, it's better to be safe than sorry. People should do the same for you, and if they're not you call me or come to me and you tell me immediately, do I make myself clear?"

❄️If she knows her kid hasn't been eating enough due to stress or a possible eating disorder she will put more food on the plate, or bring them more snacks during the day, sticking around for a conversation to watch them eat it then leave - wether it's noticed or not, they'll never talk about it

❄️plays hockey with them when they have free time

❄️gossips with them about doctors and nurses at the hospital she works at trying to turn it into Greys anatomy part 2

❄️God bless whatever other kid that tries to court her kid

-- she'll open the door and just give them the death glare (she was warned to be normal and welcoming) "Miss-Missus Anderson, Hi. Uh-Uh I'm here for your daughter Judah. I-Is that okay?"

Her eyebrow will cock, "hm." Then she'll turn, "Jude, honey! Your date is here!" Then she'll turn back. "Hurt my daughter, and I’ll—.... Hi, hun! Have a great time." Abby whispered, but her shovel talk is interrupted by her daughter appearing, but she definitely gives the date the eyes one last time before closing the door.

[lowkeyremi]

𝙏𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙧'𝙨 𝘼𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩 -> Aizawa Shota x afab!reader

➼ Sum: In short, you're fired from your main job. The worry and stress hits you while you're ugly crying outside of the building of your old workplace. You happen to meet a man who can give you a job. The question is... should you take it?

➼ Chapters: Prologue, 1

➼ Content Warning: Implied fem reader, reader has fem parts, eventual sexual content, suggestive language, all characters are aged up, eventual relationships, strippers, reader is struggling. (I'll add more as time goes on)

Prologue - I'm Fucking Losing It.

banner by: cafekitsune

"Please... I promise it won't happen again." You're on your knees in one of the halls, pleading- no begging to keep your job. It couldn't be helped though, why should you let people get handsy with you when it makes you uncomfortable?

"I'm sorry but that was your last chance. You've beaten up too many customers.. publicly at that and it's scaring away customers." Your manager says, he seems to feel for you but that frown may just be as fake as your life right now.

"But I'm your top money maker!" This is your last resort. You cannot lose this job because you don't make much at your coffee shop part-time.

"Technically, that's no longer true. Your performance has been sloppy lately, so Ami has risen and taken your spot." His words shatter what's left of your hope. Your makeup runs as you cry ugly tears. A man walks past the two of you, most likely toward the restroom. Any other time you'd be embarrassed, but right at this moment all you can feel is emptiness.

"So I'm being fired for defending myself?" You ask between sobs and sniffles.

"No, you know we wouldn't let anything happen to you. It's policy after all. You also know better than anyone that people at clubs are drunk and high even, so, of course, they're going to touch you. It's what you signed up for." He says to keep it professional.

Anger starts to seep into you. "Fuck, if that's how it's gonna be then I'll leave!" They don't deserve your service anyway.

"Ms. L/n...?" Your boss asks and you look up at him. He sees you struggling to stand because of your sore feet, these heels do you no justice. A hand is held out and you take it, trembling as you get up.

"I could recommend you to another club-" You cut him off.

"I'm good, thank you for everything you've done for me." It breaks your heart that you're leaving this place. As weird as it sounds this club was the closest thing to a home for you.

You start your walk to the backroom to get your things. Emptying your locker was the hardest. The tears start flowing again when you see the old Polaroid pictures you took with some of your coworkers who you considered to be some of your best friends.

Once changed out of your lingerie and you've packed everything you turn in everything the club let you use.

There was no way you'd say farewell to this life, it'd only make leaving it behind all the more hard. You walk outside and slump against the club's wall. You allow yourself to cry it all out.

You call your mother not sure what to do.

She picks up on the second ring, "Hello?"

"Hey.." you mumble. Your voice is hoarse due to crying.

Your mother instantly sighs, "Did you get yourself into some bullshit again?"

"Um.. yeah. Can I stay with you until I-" You're cut off by your mother's stern voice.

"Y/n, I cannot keep covering for your ass. You are twenty-six years old and every time you get into some shit you come crying to me or your father to fix it. I raised you better than that." And so the lecture begins.

"Mom please, just for a week or two.." You plead, usually she'd give in but she seems to be set on teaching you a lesson.

"No. You can call me if you need anything, but you need to get your life together. Life is not all cupcakes and rainbows. You need to learn how to deal with it. I love you but I have to go." Your mother, the one who's supposed to have your back through thick and thin is in your opinion giving up on you.

Your crying continues. What the hell are you supposed to do? Bills are due a little while from now and you work a small paying part-time.

"Shit I need to look for a job." You say sniffling.

"I could be of some assistance." A deep voice rings in your ears. You assume whoever it is is making a phone call and is not talking to you.

"You are in need of a job, correct? I could help you get into an honest line of work." The voice tries again. This time you look up to see a man with long raven hair casting down his shoulders, he has stubble covering his face alongside a few scars, and an eye patch that hides his right eye.

"Me?" You ask stoked about his appearance.

"I don't see anyone else out here crying their eyes out." He says with a hint of smugness. Wait.. how does he know you need a job?

"How did you-"

"Those walls aren't that thick." He replies somehow already knowing what you were bound to say.

"I need an assistant, I teach in a high school." The scoff that leaves your lips is inevitable.

"Teachers don't make shit, how am I supposed to pay my bills with a job like that?" Sarcasm is laced in your tone, you search his eye for any sign that he'll leave you alone but he seems determined.

"It's not just any high school. I'm a first-year teacher at UA high school, you'll be making around $20 an hour as my assistant. Also room and board is provided." Your eyes widen, now the offer is more tempting.

Looking down you get a glimpse of his prosthetic leg. "You need help because of your leg?"

"No, I could just use an extra set of hands, it seems every year the hero students get a little bit more naive." His sigh does not go unnoticed by you.

"Don't you need like a degree or something? Why are you asking an ex-stripper?" It's not even out of spite just pure curiosity.

"Usually you would, but I can get you the job. I'm asking because you seem to be struggling and if I can do something about it then I'll try to the best of my ability to make it happen."

Oh. So he's one of those people. The kind to pity anybody, you assume.

"I'm not struggling, I'm fucking losing it." The tears threaten to come back.

"What would I do?" You ask.

"Bring stuff from the printer, monitor the class, answer questions on current subjects, get coffee, other simple things like that." The calmness in his voice is a little unnerving.

"And I'd get paid $20 an hour for that?" The shock in your voice causes the man to chuckle a little bit.

"Correct. Any other questions?" His voice is smooth.

"How can you trust me? I just got fired for beating people up." You fear losing the potential job but you just had to ask.

"As you said, you were defending yourself. Your job should have considered that, even if the people are drunk that is no excuse for them to touch you when you have asked them to stop." He explains simply.

"Okay, I'll take the job.. when can I start?" This is what is crucial to you, those bills need to be paid, and getting behind would only cause you more trouble. But then again room and board is provided... would you even need to live in your crappy apartment anymore?

"Next week or the week after, I need to speak with the principal. Once everything is set straight I'll contact you about moving in." He rubs his face, and when looking into his eyes there was no way to tell what he was thinking. He looks so good though, you couldn't deny that.

"Eraserhead, a pleasure to meet you." That must be his hero name.

"Do I need some kind of code name? I'm not a hero. My stripper name was Golden Tiger." Your face flushes a little bit.

"Should've been Golden Kitten, you clearly haven't reached tiger status yet. Just give me your last name." It was clear he was teasing, his voice gave it away.

"Okay, just call me L/n then." He chuckles at your little huff of annoyance.

"Alright L/n, you think I could get your number to contact you?" That easygoing tone not leaving his voice.

You hand him your phone and you watch with interest as he types in his number. You hear a little hum escape his lips signaling he was done.

"Text me," he commands handing you back your phone. Something about the way he said that gave you goosebumps.

'Golden Tiger here.' you text biting your bottom lip. All you receive is Eraserhead shaking his head at you with a smug smirk.

"You need a ride home, Golden Kitten?" You can't even be upset when that smirk looks so good on him.

"Oh fuck off. My car's over there." You point to your ugly beige 2006 Honda Accord. (let's just pretend those still exist even tho the mha timeline is in the future)

"Is that any way to talk to someone who just got you a job?" His voice dropped an octave and you weren't sure if it was on purpose or if he was doing it unconsciously.

He looks like a tired man anyone wouldn't consider being attracted to but something about this man is drawing you in.

Instead of responding to his question, you ignore it, "I'm leaving."

You push yourself off the wall that hasn't been cleaned since who knows when. You'd forgotten that your feet were sore because of Eraserhead's presence but they reminded you of the pain.

Eraserhead mumbled something that sounded like 'be careful' but it wasn't certain, you already started limping to your car in pain.

Once situated you shut your eyes and let out a sigh.

"As cliché as this is, I'm glad my life is starting to work out a little bit." Your statement was heard by no one but yourself. When pulling out of the parking lot you play some music to prevent yourself from being left alone with your thoughts.

➼ AN: And that's a wrap for the prologue. I hope it's okay, this story came out of no where tbh. I'm not sure on how long I want it to be yet. I'm working on being more detailed in my writings. Also this is NOT beta read yet, bc I need to find someone to be my beta reader. Feel free to like, reblog, and comment! <3

[absoluteabsolem]

okay guys i'm having a brainrot on my way to work about goncharov bc of all your sexy meta posts but i haven't seen a single one talking about the flowers in this film so indulge me

so i'm a florist right ? my n°1 passion when i watch a movie or a show is to trashtalk the flowers bc 99,9% of the time they look like shit. like. i made better arrangements during my first year of training. it makes me sad. yes goncharov is a brilliant film in itself but it gets a whole star just for the fucking flowers (i can't find the florist in the end credits if anyone knows pls tell me ??)

like we're talking thierry boutemy in marie-antoinette (2006) levels of artistry. all the arrangements are so BEAUTIFUL and i'm gonna talk about them. it will ofc mostly be about katya lmao bc men yet have to express themselves through delicate floral jewellery (i wish they did though. i am waiting). katya doesn't have that many lines for a main character but her presence and the colours speak for themselves. sorry i'm on mobile i don't have any pictures

alright so of course you have the wedding. everything is so fucking opulent it's a cascade of wealth you have almost no foliage at all except eucalyptus and that shit is expensive. there are more peonies than you could ever count and the roses are soooo beautiful (i think most of them are juliet peach roses but i can't be 100% sure) like. i could smell it from my couch it was as if i was there aaaa the fucking wax flowers and scabiosas i love scabiosas so much !! and the perfect balance between flowers of different sizes !!! it was wonderful i mean you've seen them

but what i love about these arrangements is that they're all in white and yellow. it's an unusual combo for a wedding even if white is a classic wedding colour in western cultures and yellow isn't so weird at the heart of summer. yellow is however also the colour of jealousy and betrayal and idk if you ever noticed but andrey's boutonniere is the ONLY ONE that is just yellow. you don't have the white carnation (associated with love. screaming) on it like everybody else. also note that katya's bouquet is only white which is all about purity elegance etc. i do think however that the colours of andrey and katya's flowers on that day are more about the way goncharov feels about them at that point in the story, rather than their own feelings.

we also see katya wear several decorated combs in her hair throughout the film (idk enough about hair stylism to comment of the haircuts themselves so i'll stick to the flowers). the first we see are pretty simple and not rly noticeable, white and pastel pink, typical discreet but feminine stuff. p much like the rest of her wardrobe up until the boat scene where things get interesting.

this is where katya meets sofia who is wearing that rly fucking gorgeous burgundy (ambition, power and wealth) dress and look i know monica bellucci can wear anything and be beautiful but fucking hell. i mean i'm gay but i briefly questioned myself for a second there. anyway. the boat shenanigans happen and once katya goes back home and pretends she didn't almost get fucking killed, the flowers in her hair are burgundy. i mean i know we have the fruit market a bit later but the comb is what sold me on that ship. i see you katya

when she almost shoots goncharov (if we were rly in love you wouldn't have missed AAAAAAA i'm normal) she has a super pretty mix of blue hydrangea/eucalyptus in her hair. blue is the colour of control and tranquility and i thought it was very sexy of her. she still has them when sofia leaves her and i love how you can see the tears about to fall down her cheeks but she doesn't allow it. things got out of hand but she's not willing to lose control of herself in front of sofia and i think ultimately it's what fucked things up between them but i try not to think about it too hard

what DOES however keep me awake at night is that martin scorsese rly thought it was okay to have red bouquets everywhere made in the exact style of goncharov and katya's wedding in goncharov's home when andrey shows up to kill him. i mean the subtext isn't even subtext at this point it's like saying point break isn't gay but the flowers are the fucking cherry on top. andrey shoots him and he doesn't miss because he loves him and in case you're too dense to understand that here is a decadent display of red and burgundy. it is the colour of love it is the colour of violence and in their case one simply does not go without the other and i am so fucking normal about this

[alelelesimz]

here are my favorite things i did this year :) thank you for tagging me @madeofcc <3

i was just gonna make a simple post and for some reason i decided to make this whole thing i guess, even features my stupid handwriting lol. everything written above + some more thoughts down below so you don't have to decipher whatever i wrote, also links to everything. thanks for following my messy blog and allowing me to rant about splatoon every other day lmao love u friends

harmony my beloved

i love splatoon ok! i've tried to recreate a few different splatoon characters before but they don't really translate well to sims. however i love how my harmony turned out! she's my fav character in the game and i'm quite proud of this funky little edit :)

leaf carrying a plant she stole

as soon as i saw that pose i knew i had to use it with my girl leaf! simple edit, but very cute <3 i wanna post more about my nymph!!!!!

what is this? a crossover episode????????

bojack horseman is my fav show ever. when i saw the horse pack trailer i KNEW i had to make this silly joke :p i didn't expect it to get so much attention but i'm glad it did! fun facts: 1) i painted bojack's face in game but basically redid the whole thing in photoshop bc sims textures are uh bad. 2) i recolored pc's dress and god i wish i could've made something better lmao. 3) i converted mr. pb's glasses and i SUFFERED. they actually look terrible ingame but ✨photoshop magic✨

this edit of an alien oc that i need to name still

i don't really use alpha hairs but ain't this one cute?! and i love this edit! if you read this give me a name suggestion for this sim please

YES THAT'S HAPPENING

I LOVE JUNO BIRCH!!! i literally need to stop myself from making another juno post every time she posts anything online lol. but that hot dog costume is iconic, what can i say.

sims in the city, baby + everything i made about them

i've been wanting to recreate these guys ever since i joined simblr back in 2019 (jesus christ) and i finally did! i'm very proud of them and happy so many people like them :) i loved this game growing up but none of my friends played it, so it's really cool to see more people who played it too!

also, that roxanna moxie lookbook i did? peak fashion

GRAP3FRUIT!

these guys!!!!!!!!! i really wanted to make a silly little band since forever and kari's edgewave fest finally pushed me to make them and I LOVE THEM! i can't wait to keep making more stuff with them babyyyyyyyyaskldjalskhdfklasj

[akwolfgrl]

Recipe for recovery 7

When Sanji awoke, he didn't even remember falling asleep. He was on his back in the aquarium bar. Sanji just watched the fish go by for a few moments, the enmorass gallery, and here had to be his favorite rooms. Watching all the fish swim by was memorizing, what would it be like to swim in the all blue? He was feeling less off. He was no longer nuases, thankfully.

“Cook?”

“Ah I see your finally awake,”

Both Robin and Zoro noticed and turned to stare at him. Robin had been sitting by his broken useless legs, while Zoro had been sitting on the floor near his head, Sanji had been too busy staring at the fish to notice. Robin closed her book and turned to him. Before Sanji could respond, Luffy and Chopper rushed over.

“Sanji!” They both cried, leaping towards him. Luffy landed on his stomach and Chopper his chest.

“Be careful you two!” Zoro barked at them.

“It's fine, I'm not made of glass,” Sanji rolled his eyes. He welcomed the weight, he may be a bit borken at the moment but he wasn't that fucking fragile.

“Sanji, how are you feeling? Do you need more pain meds?” Chopper asked him.

“Sanji what's for breakfast?” Luffy asked him.

“Breakfast sandwiches, so you can eat on the go. Then I'd make more pirate lunch boxes, your of course mostly meat,” Sanji began to explain his plan for breakfast when he was interrupted.

“How are you going to cook?” Nami asked. “If you haven't noticed, your legs are broken,”

Sanji whineced, like he really needed the reminder even if it was from his darling Nami. “I'll manage. Just grab some crutches. If I have to drag a stoll and sit while cooking, I'll do so. I only broke one hand after all. If Zeff can survive eating his own leg, then run a restaurant with a wooden leg I can cook for a few people,”

“Sanji no! You're only allowed to lift five pounds! It won't heal properly if you do more! And no putting weight on your legs!” Chopper cried.

“Speaking of Zeff,” Usopp stated.

“We called him,” Nami finished.

“What? Why? I didn't die. I'll be fine,”

“It's too late, Curly,” Zoro grumbled. “We already called him and were calling him again he wanted to talk to you,”

The Den den apred in front of him, held in a set of Robin's hands. It began to ring, and before he could reach for it, another one of Robin's hands picked up the speaker and held it to his lips.

“Eggplant you there?”

“Yah, I'm here. Geezer, I don't know why they called you. I'm fine,”

“No he's not!” Chopper shouted. “Sanji sustained several injuries and thinks he can just hobble around on churches with two broken legs and a broken arm!” Chopper rated him out.

“What the hell eggplant is this ture? What even happened? I thought i trained you better than to get your ass kicked this badly,”

“Shut up, old geezer, it wasn't like that!” Sanji protested.

“if I may?” Robin interrupted. “There was no fight, I suspect that the island we are located on recently had a bout of heavy rainfall. It caused some erosion. The ground Sanji was standing on gave way, taking him with. Unless he could Moonwalk, there was no way that he would have escaped.” Maybe he should learn. It could be very useful in the future.

“Ah, thank you, Ms. Nico, I presume?” Zeff thankfully turned his attention to Robin.

“Yes, that would be me,”

“What was that I heard about churches?” Zeff asked.

“I need them to get back to work,” Sanji thoughtwas obvious. “Franky did great on the grill, but it's my job to keep the crew fed, not Frankys,” Sanji pointed out. “Besides of you can run a restaurant, fight, and raise me with a peg leg. I can cook three meals a day with broken legs,”

“That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say!” Zeff shouted over the den den. “And I raised your ass! I didn't do everything myself. I had plenty of help.”

“Can you really call Patty, Crane, and a ten year old help?” Sanji retorted.

“Your crew isn't gonna leave you behind just like I didn't leave you behind.” Sanji whineced. He really wasn't expecting Zeff just to come out and say it like that.

“Sanji?” Sanji turned his head back to Luffy, who was looking down at him over Choppers hat. “Why would you think that way?”

“Yah, I mean Nami didn't get left behind, nor Robin, nor did I,” Usopp chimed in from the floor. “Why would you be any different?”

“Because those situations were completely different. Right now, I can't fight, and I'm not allowed to cook. Nami and Robin left because they didn't have a choice. Usopp you could still fight.” Sanji pointed out, even Zeff had tried to get rid of him. He usually didn't think about his past, leaving it buried deep inside of him, but as of right now, he couldn't stop.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.141 Gold nuggets

I called Dad as soon as I got up, hoping to catch him before eating breakfast to invite him to eat with me. He sounded surprised at the early invitation but accepted, naturally. We went to the steakhouse in Oasis Springs because they had a killer brunch menu. Once seated, Dad asked about Sophia, and I told him she was back at full capacity, which was why I was comfortable leaving her for a few hours. That wasn't what he meant, though. He said I needed to keep an eye on her because many women fell into a depression after giving birth. No one really knew why it happened, but apparently it was very common. He thought Sophia seemed withdrawn at my birthday party and didn't interact with the baby much. Though I knew he only expressed concern out of his love for her, I felt my defenses and anger rising because it felt like he accused me of not taking care of my wife when that was all I had done since she was pregnant. I told him I took it upon myself to care for Desiree while Sophia recovered, and that's why she didn't have the baby much. And as far as being withdrawn, she was just very introverted and often preferred to observe. He understood, being an introvert himself, but just wanted to bring it up so I was aware, especially because she's really good at hiding what's going on inside.

I refused to believe the possibility of her being depressed. I knew all her facial expressions, body language, and tones of voice. We were always honest with each other, especially about big stuff like that. She'd tell me if she felt off. Even though I knew in my gut she was fine, just the possibility of him being right made me feel sick, and I didn't want to talk about it anymore and switched gears to raving about Less and the babies. I told him about how good she was with them, and how she did actual chores now. That part shocked him, and he halfway believed me.

"In all seriousness, though," he began, "I knew she had it in her."

"Me too, but how did you know?"

"She might be spoiled, but she's not a princess."

I snorted.

"She's not," he continued. "She behaves the way she does because we all allowed it. But what did she do when she went to Mt. Komorebi? She found a place to live when she got tired of living with that family and got a job. She did what she needed to do to make things happen."

"Yeah...I guess you're right."

"I know why you invited me here," he said.

I'm sure my eyes were as large as saucers because that caught me ALL the way off guard. What kind of segue was that?

"I just wanted to spend time with you, Dad."

"You're gonna be okay, you know. You're a good man, and you have a good woman by your side. As long as you keep communicating like you do, everything will be just fine. You'll miss us, but you don't need us."

"That's not true. I'll always need you. I want all that parenting advice you promised me."

I sounded like a whiny little kid. Obviously, I knew my parents wouldn't be around forever, but it's one thing to know it and another to actually experience it. I wished I could go back to the time when I teased them for trying to hide their age.

"Parenting is a journey, son. It never ends. Every time you think you have it figured out, your oldest goes through something new and you're back to square one again. Don't complicate things by trying to be the best parent in the world. Be the best parent for your children. Get to know them and treat them as individuals because if you treat them all the same, someone's going to feel misunderstood. Just be the parent you would have wanted. We weren't perfect. Be better than us. You already got a head-start by being with the right person for the right reasons."

All of that was gold, and I appreciated it, but that last bit stirred up all those questions I wanted to ask Mama. Although they weren't meant for him, I still wanted to know something.

"Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"Do you still think Mama was the right sim for you?"

He sighed and stared at the table for a while.

"I do."

"Seriously?"

"You don't?"

"No, it's not that. I just thought that maybe after all this time... I don't know. Maybe you had some new revelation or something."

He was so insightful, and I wanted to know everything that went on in his head. I wanted to listen to him talk until my brain could hold no more words.

"You're right. I have had a long time to consider this, and that's how I know it's true. She was the right woman for me, but we didn't get married for the right reasons."

"Both of you?"

"I told you, I'm not perfect. Your mom told you why she wanted to get married?"

"Yeah. She wanted to have children."

"Right. I got married to appease her."

"Wait...what?"

If he was about to tell me one more bad thing about them, I swear... Good thing I got over all that insecurity because it never ended with these two.

"That night, I was telling her about an article I read about conservation, and she came from left field, suggesting we go to Sulani and elope the next day. It was so random, and I thought she had lost her mind. I knew she was my soulmate, but I wasn't thinking about getting married yet."

"Seriously, I mean, who would?"

He chuckled.

"Your mother, that's who. I tried to talk some sense into her, but you know her. She has an answer for everything. But there came a moment when she realized how crazy this plan sounded and she backtracked. She took it all back, and she was so embarrassed. She started crying and beating herself up, and I hated seeing her like that. I had to do it."

"Wow. You married her to make her feel better."

"Basically. Remember what I said about women using their emotions to get what they want?"

"You think she played you?"

"No. I don't. She was really bothered and very serious about waiting. Your mother... I would have done anything for her. Yeah, she was a spoiled brat, but she was so sweet and had a way of making you want to give her the world. I didn't have much, but I could give her what she wanted. I spent the rest of the night trying to make her believe I wanted to do it and that she wasn't crazy."

"But you loved her, right?"

"Yeah, I did... I do. She wasn't trying to dupe me, but sometimes I couldn't help but think, if only I could have been stronger that night, maybe we'd still be married. But the fact is, we still could have divorced. Maybe over the same thing, maybe something else. Or maybe we wouldn't have gotten married at all. I spent a long time thinking it was my fault when the fact is no one knows what's going to happen in the future. Happily ever after isn't a guarantee, so don't get comfortable, Luca. Marriage is hard work."

He said so many things. The little boy inside me was satisfied just being in his company, but the man I aspired to be wished I had taken notes or something. How could I remember all those gold nuggets? Amid everything he said, one thing stood out. It fascinated me to hear that even though Mama was wrong for what she did, he recognized the mistakes made on both sides. It got me thinking. Could we ever truly cast 100% of the blame on one sim? I had been thinking about Jace and Alessia a lot lately. I was still angry with him, but I didn't want to be, really. He did my sister dirty, and I would probably never forgive him. But if I ever got to a point where I could pause my anger and put away my bias, maybe I could see the mistakes Less made. After all, I only knew what she told me. But that was an assignment for another day. Heh, maybe even another year. Probably a decade.

To be continued...

[chimkin-samich]

Hi!

I have had a block for both writing and drawing for several years. I look at your works with longing in my eyes and think how wonderful it would be to draw regularly again. I was never particularly talented and had many gaps in learning to draw, but I enjoyed it. Now I don't know how to start drawing or writing. My laptop is full of unfinished stories. I have lots of ideas for drawings, but it's hard for me to get down to work.

Therefore, my question is: Do you have any advice for people who haven't drawn/written for several years and would really like to get back to it, but can't motivate themselves, have no ideas, etc.? Or quite the opposite. They have lots of ideas, but for some reason they can't draw anything?

Greetings and have a nice morning/day/evening/night!

Hello! Sorry it took so long to respond, I wanted to make sure I could respond properly to this so I thought it over a lot, I’m going to put it under a read more cuz it’s gonna get long lol

I (sly) am kinda in the same position as you at least when it comes more to art, writing ive kinda cracked the block but still trying to break through the ice, all the art on our blog is Ferals art, I only complete the line work and shading (but not always) I haven’t drawn any of my own stuff in probably a few years but I’m trying to get back into it cuz I miss it as well, I completely get the whole feeling of looking at Feral’s art and wanting to create my own but finding it so difficult to do

For the art aspect my plan is to start at square 1, start how I first starting drawing, which for me was to look up refs, animals and draw them by sight, just to get back into the groove of trying to bring back that muscle memory, maybe you started by tracing images, you could trace only the rough outlines and then shade and detail them, just something simply and easy, you probably won’t be happy with the results (I know I certainly won’t be with my own) but it’s a start

Look up things that you enjoy, draw your squad, incorrect quotes to do with ocs maybe even draw them out, try and keep it simple, you don’t need to create a masterpiece on the first day back, any attempt is a step forward even if you dislike it, try it out at least once a day everyday, a simple doodle just for fun or to exercise your muscle memory again, the first part is gonna be hard and messy, that’s totally ok! All that matters is the attempt!

For the writing aspect try and keep it simple as well, focus on making short one-shots or even just bullet point dialogues, your old unfinished writing isn’t going anywhere, when you feel comfortable enough to attempt to continue it just go for it!

I had a big gap in my writing periods and sometimes I still go a few months with out touching any of my stories, blocks happen and are normal, something that I try to get back into is read other people’s work, both to see the writing style and to get some inspiration to continue my own works

When I actually get down to actually writing my story I just dump down the story as I think it, I just keep writing even if it looks messy and grammatically incorrect to at least get the story moving and progressing. After I have the rough story down, is when I go back to correct spelling mistakes, add more details/dialogues or events in between to create a much better flow for the story

I usually do this multiple times for each fic I create, usually in between pauses (either due to blanking on ideas or just cuz I wasn’t feeling it) so whenever I reopen my doc, I just reread and add on, then I do it again one or two more times once it’s completed

I struggle a lot with perfectionism when it comes to my art and writing, and unfortunately it’s a big killer for my motivation, especially when I see others that make better works than me. I’ve been slowly unlearning that urge to make everything perfect, by just allowing myself to have messy and rough works, it’s not always going to come out how I want it but at least I got it as close as I could in the moment with my current skill level

I like to tell myself, the more I keep doing it, the more I’ll improve, and I’ll always be able to come back with more ideas and skill to remake this better than my first attempts, just because I did it doesn’t mean I can’t try to do it again

Being easier on yourself does wonders (I know easier said than done unfortunately 😭) but your practically having to relearn skills that have gotten rusty, even if you were doing great before, your gonna have to build back up to that point, it’s just like exercising a muscle ✨

I hope this was able to help! I wish you much luck in your journey back into art and writing!

[strangemaleswaps]

Strange Halloween Head Swap

I was so psyched for Halloween this year because it was the first time I could spend it with my boyfriend, Julian. I'd never been a big horror guy myself, but he goes nuts for spooky thrills. I'd always wanted to go to one of those Halloween events, like haunted houses or corn mazes, and I thought being with Julian was a good enough reason to go. We were looking up events happening nearby on my laptop, and I thought I found a cool one.

"Let's see." Julian read the website.

"What's it say?"

"Haunted house. Ooo! Haunted corn mazes. Nice! Magic show. Magic show?"

"I love Magic shows!"

"I guess it could be a Halloween thing. Wouldn't be surprised if they just replaced the rabbit in a hat with something scary instead. Or maybe the assistant wears a ghost costume or something."

"But wait." I pointed at the bottom of the page. "It says absolutely no costumes are allowed. Aren't you supposed to wear a costume?"

"Yeah, for costume parties and trick-or-treating and stuff. But for things like this where they have paid actors and stuff in the haunted events, they don't want randos in costume, in order to keep up with the vibes."

"That makes sense." I noticed another part of the website that said "18+ only for the whole event."

"Ooooo," we both said in unison.

"That better mean they have strippers and vodka."

"Hell yeah!"

"Now where is this again?"

"Lemme see. Some place called Caneville." He looked up the town info. "Aw shit."

"What? Too far?"

"No, just a 30 min drive. But it's got such a tiny population that it's probably one of those hick towns. You know those places always give me the creeps. Like everyone seems to stare at you because you're an outsider."

"But don't you like creepy things? We can ignore the background of the town and enjoy the festivities." I kissed him.

"Hey, I guess. Sure. As long as you promise me one thing..." He placed his hand on my bulge which had now grown.

The 31st arrived, and so we got dressed and left at 3pm. The drive there was pretty normal, up until we reached the town. There was an unexpected amount of traffic leading into the town itself. As we continued along, we found that all the cars were headed to the festival.

"Woah, I didn't think it would be this packed!" Julian said excitedly.

"Me neither…it's weird though. Why would such a large number of people be coming to some small-town festival? It doesn't make sense."

"Dunno. Maybe they paid extra to get their event on the top of everyone's search results? I think you can do that."

"Maybe. Well, it better be good then."

Luckily, we found a parking spot in time, before too many people showed up. The place was pretty big and was decorated nicely for Halloween; jack-o-lanterns lined the fences, ghost shaped lights hung above us, and the grass was covered in hay. We noticed the sign advertising the magic show started at 5pm, so we checked out the other attractions first. Making our way through the crowds, it was somewhat obvious who was from this little town, and who drove here. There were people in all shapes and sizes, but a lot of the older people were wearing formal clothes and usually had grumpy looks on their faces - probably upset that there was so much diversity this year.

We were walking along, when we saw two punk guys, one with a red mohawk, and one with brown, searching around looking confused. Red mohawk made eye contact with me and approached.

"Hey, do you guys know where the free booze is?" He didn't even look old enough to drink but I didn't really care.

"Free booze? How come I didn't know about this?" Julian asked.

"What do you mean? It was in huge letters on the ad. Couldn't have missed it."

"I don't remember seeing anything like that though," I said. 

"Damn, nobody else seems to know either. Did I get some fake version of something? Everything else seems legit."

"That's weird yeah."

"Anyway, I'm Ian. Let me and my buddy know if you ever find the free booze. Fuck, I forgot I was gonna meet my boyfriend here too. Shit, well catch you later." He seemed like such a weird guy but hey, he's probably just 18 and desperate for a chance to drink.

5pm arrived and we headed to the magic show. As we expected, there was a pretty big crowd. I was so excited though, and it looked like everyone else was too. It started when a chubby guy in a tuxedo walked on stage.

"Friends and folks, welcome to The Great Guillermo magic show! I am the Great Guillermo!" He took a bow, and everyone applauded.

"Now for my first trick, I will make this sword float!" He took out a sword and set it on the floor. It began floating all the way up to his head when he did some hand motions. The crowd cheered once again. It was glowing blue as well, which was strange because he didn't announce anything like that.

"For my next trick, I will need one volunteer from the audience." The crowd seemed hesitant, most likely because the idea of a sword related trick would make some queasy. Luckily, after a bit, a guy around my age raised his hand and stepped onto the stage.

"All right! What is your name, young man?"

"Tyler."

"Ok Tyler! For your part, stand in that spot real good and don't move!"

"Oh ok." He did a bit of a nervous laugh. The Great Guillermo took the sword and aimed it at his own neck. What in the world was he doing? It started glowing blue once again and went through his neck! The audience gasped. I knew it was all a trick, but I expected blood or something. Instead, what happened was unbelievable. His head hopped right off his body! Completely still alive, it fell to the floor and the body took a bow. The crowd went wild.

"Holy shit man, that was so cool! How’d he do that?" Julian turned to look at me.

"I have no idea!"

Normally with tricks like this he would go back to normal to start the next trick, but he was still a head and began talking again.

"Now this is only the first part of my trick. Here comes the part where my volunteer must help." His body, still moving on its own, took the sword and aimed it at Tyler's neck. When that blue glow returned, The Great Guillermo's head hopped over to the left of Tyler. In an instant the sword sliced Tyler's head off, just like it did before. Though, instead of hopping off and hitting the floor, it seemed to fly off in the direction of The Great Guillermo's body, as if it was a magnet. When it got to the neck, it plopped itself on top, replacing The Great Guillermo's head.

Tyler's head on The Great Guillermo's body was a funny sight, seeing a skinny and young-looking guy with such a large body. He began moving and reacting, as if Tyler was actually controlling it. Tyler's head looked down and widened his eyes at the sight.

"Woooahh, this is trippy!" The Great Guillermo's head did the same and flew onto the empty body like a magnet. The audience began laughing when they saw the full image. They just swapped their heads!

"This is even crazier; how did they do that? Man, I gotta know now!" Julian was getting so excited now. It made me so happy to see him in a good mood. Tyler, on his new chubby body, realized he could move his legs and started walking around.

"Oh wow, I can move? This is weird." It looked so real. But it must be fake right? I know a lot of times magic shows pretend to pick out a random audience member, but really it was all planned from the start. The mood changed a bit when Tyler started becoming restless.

"Hey, uh could I have my body back now? This is actually feeling kinda uncomfortable."

"Of course, my boy! Right after you learn your lesson!" 

"Lesson?" My gut told me that this was no longer part of the act.

"The lesson of hard work of course! I may have been a little overweight, but it's not impossible to work it all off! And when you do, it should be just like your former one! Well…maybe a bit older! In the meantime, I’ll be enjoying your nice slim body!" The Great Guillermo seemed like a completely different person at this point and began laughing maniacally.

"What? Hey this isn't funny anymore! What's your problem?!"

"Oh, don't worry, Tyler. You won't be alone. In fact," He looked at the audience with a gleam in his eye. "Everyone else will be starting their own unique journeys!" He quickly grabbed the sword and pointed it at the audience. They all screamed when not only did it start the blue glow, but it began multiplying as well! Sword after sword came out of the original; there must've been hundreds! It seemed like we all knew what was about to happen next, because the crowd turned around and ran. Julian was by my side…at least at first. Soon enough the stampede plowed through us, desperate to escape, and we were separated.

"Julian! Meet me at the car!" I screamed, not sure if he heard me or not. I ran away from the stage area, dodging unfortunate heads flying everywhere. The Great Guillermo began laughing again.

"Now everyone will learn the true value of hard work! Whether you want to change your new body or not, adapting to your new life is the fun part!"

When I got to the parking areas, I was shocked at the horrible sight. There were people with the same idea as me hiding in cars…only the blue swords were able to pass right through them to slice their heads. It didn't stop there because the decapitated heads seemed to be in an ethereal state, where they could also go through the walls. That bastard magician. He planned all this! I'm screwed! While I was in shock, I could feel something hit me in the neck. It didn't hurt at all, but I felt dizzy. I watched as the world went in a loop, and then back to normal. I could see myself flying through the air, but when I looked down, there was nothing. No body. I could still feel my hands and the rest of my body, but I was far enough away that I couldn't check to see if it was moving.

I couldn't change the direction I was heading in, but I could lean a little to the left or right. I'm guessing I was homing in on the nearest headless body, so I wondered if I could direct myself away from a bad one? I saw a headless body in front of me, so I jerked to the left and managed to dodge it…for a few seconds. It turned out there was a body on the other side of the fence I was on, so I flew right through it and attached myself to the neck.

I looked down and almost screamed. It was a fat body wearing a light blue dress shirt, with a tie and suspenders. I would imagine I was also wearing dress pants to go along with it, but I couldn't see past my huge belly! My waist size must’ve been double what it was before! Judging by the clothes, this probably belonged to a man that lived in the town.

I pushed my hand against the belly and felt it jiggle, sending vibrations throughout the rest of my flesh. I'm glad I wasn't a floating head anymore but I'm not too happy about being a fat guy either! I must’ve looked like Tyler did with his twink head on an obese frame. Luckily, there was a public restroom nearby, so I walked in and locked the door. I was scared to see myself in the mirror, but knew it had to do it, so I shuffled over to see my reflection.

Oh god, I was massive. It really did look strange, almost funny in a way. Normally when you gain this much weight, you also gain a double chin. But my chin and head were exactly how they always were. But yet, my body was huge. At least I wasn’t wearing some trashy looking clothes or something. Formal wear was nice, even though it felt tight on me. How do guys like this go shopping? I must’ve been wearing 5XL clothes! The curious thought of seeing what it looked like underneath crossed my mind. I guess it was going to have to be done eventually…and my chest felt like it was being crushed under the shirt I was wearing. I started by unclipping the suspenders. The front two were easy, but the back two I had to guide my hands around my oversized ass in order to make out where they were. Then I lifted my collar to take off the tie and unbuttoned the first two shirt buttons. I expected to be wearing an undershirt, since I felt so compressed, but no. The dress shirt was all it took to feel cramped. I reached for the bottom of my shirt that was tucked in and pulled up. When it was fully untucked, the belly promptly fell back down, slapped my thighs, and jiggled for a few seconds. Once it was all unbuttoned, I opened up the shirt and took it off.

Fuck. I wasn’t just big; I was morbidly obese. My man tits stuck out, love handles hung all around, and the loose skin left a crevice that covered my belly button. I really hated this. What’s Julian going to think? He might break up with me. No one would ever want to date a lardass like me. I put the shirt on, lifted up my belly in order to tuck it all back in, and walked out the door. I didn’t bother putting the tie and suspenders on again. I didn’t even need the suspenders anyway because my pants were tight enough over my big hips.

I started walking back to the festival area in order to find a clue to where Julian went. There were still blue swords flying around, but they ignored me completely. I guess they don’t go after those who had already been head swapped. Walking felt really weird because it was more like a waddle. Every step felt like I was causing an earthquake, which made it worse considering I couldn't even see my own feet! Not to mention I was sweating like a pig, even though I hadn't been walking long. I could feel the sweat stains forming in my armpits and since I had no undershirt on, it was probably obvious. I heard a familiar voice, so I turned around and noticed a familiar red mohawk. It was Ian! He was much chubbier than when I saw him before. He was talking with another guy, who lifted his t-shirt up to touch his belly.

"This is like a fuckin dream come true! Look at this gut!" Ian seemed excited to gain weight. Was that guy his boyfriend or something?

"We gotta hope that this body is good at staying big though! I want you to be my chubby bunny!" He said, flashing a grin. As I approached them, they stared for a second, but then smiled really wide. 

"Hey! Wait. You're that guy I met before. Remember? But you're like, so fuckin obese now!"

"Yeah…"

"That's awesome man!"

"Not really, I was fine being a twink before."

"Yeah man, but now you're a fuckin beast! You could like murder someone just by squashing them."

"I'll keep that in mind in case I need to murder someone," I said sarcastically.

"So, wait, where's your boyfriend?"

"No clue. I'm looking for him."

"Well good luck man. And hey, being big isn't all that bad you know."

"Yeah, maybe."

I got to the festival area to find a couple people still frequenting, but it was obvious they were head swapped. I suppose I was lucky mine ended up matching my skin color. At least the weird young head and old body combination isn't impossible naturally.

I noticed a shed area with a hastily made sign that said, "pick up your phones here." That was a good idea actually. Afterall, most people would've had their phones in the pockets of their old bodies. Maybe if Julian already found his, I can text him. Luckily, I skipped a step because I found him searching through the pile of phones inside. His body didn't look too different, at least from the sides.

"Julian!"

"Petey! You're…wow." 

"I know…this is going to take some getting used to."

"Hey no biggie. You're still you. You have your head at least. You're just a big guy now."

"Yeah, it's weird. Do you think there's any way to change back?"

"Don't think so. When I went back to the stage, the magician guy wasn't there. Fitting. Guess he just wanted chaos and well, he got it."

"Can't believe I'm stuck like this. But at least you don't look too different, maybe a bit bigger and older."

"Oh no, I've changed a lot actually. Here." He unbuttoned his shirt to reveal a flabby old man's chest.”

"Oh."

"I know right. Looks like I took the body of an old guy."

"Does it feel weird?"

"Yeah kinda. A little uncomfortable. I really just need to take off these clothes. I can feel my underwear being pulled up way too high!" I laughed. I'm glad Julian was still finding ways to make light out of a bad situation. "My back does kinda hurt though. But it's ok! We'll just work out and all like normal. Plenty of old guys are in shape!"

“Makes me so mad though. Those old guys that got our bodies are probably enjoying their nice abs right now.”

“Well, in your case, he’s in for a surprise when he sees how loose you are in the back…” I started laughing again.

“You got that right! He was probably straight, so it’ll be quite the shock. But I guess this means I’ll have to start loosening up all over again.” I touched my huge ass. “I guess I’ll have to work out too. I have a long way to go.”

"Oor…you could stay like you are. At least for now. Didn't wanna say it before but I'm totally finding you hot right now. Never fucked a fat guy before."

"Really? You like this?"

"Yep! Hey, it's still Halloween, so how about we go home, and I can feed you some candy or something." The thought of Julian feeding me was making me hard for some reason. Why do I feel like I want to stay this big? It's crazy! But I was so hungry, so I agreed.

"That sounds…pretty hot actually. Sure." Julian smirked.

"Happy Halloween my big boy." He slapped my gut.

"Happy Halloween…"

[spade-of-storms]

I'm not perfect enough

"Why was Allen scared of confessing to Deuce?" [ Deuce eventually confessed first ]

This is what happens when you've been taught that you need to be perfect at everything in order to be "someone" all your life...

TW: Allen doubting his gender

I fucking hate this. I hate that I love him... I hate that I'm so attached to another human being.

It's only a crush, right? It's gonna pass if I try hard enough. It's gonna pass if Deuce doesn't give me any more reasons to fall harder for him...

...except he constantly does. Why does he care so much about me?! Why does he keep complimenting me?! Why does he believe in me so much?! Why does he... look at me with the type of face you'd normally only find on a puppy that has been reunited with its owners...?!

HE HAS NO REASON TO BE THAT CUTE.

Ugh, this is so annoying. I need to fall out of love... and fast. I can't allow myself to get hurt again...

...just imagining how awkward things would get makes something in my stomach turn. I don't wanna picture what it's like to continuously help a person and spend your entire day and night by their side only to find out that they prefer someone else over you... and see you as a mere friend or, even worse, just one of many friends.

...I fear that this is exactly what would happen if I confessed to Deuce.

All my life, I've been told that I'm talentless, worthless, ugly and not deserving of love. Why should a single thing have changed since then? Why would Deuce think any differently about me and ever genuinely love me when there are obviously better choices out there? Why would anyone pick me when they can have a genuinely perfect partner instead?

I'm just Allen... a painfully average guy who pretends to be flawless. I'm nothing special... I can't compete with others' talents, natural charm, intelligence or looks, now can I? Why would Deuce — or about anyone — settle for someone like ME?

Besides, he probably doesn't like my body... I mean, who would? I'm not even a proper guy... Ugh, I really should fall out of love immediately. He probably thinks that my body is disgusting!

...this is so humiliating. I should just accept that I'll never be loved by anyone.

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Oh Allen, if only you knew that you're more than perfect in Deuce's eyes...

(No worries, these two end up together and become the most tooth-rotting couple in existence.)