#but its just crazy to like realize how much pain im in constantly

[needylittlegirl]

sometimes i forget about the chronic part of chronic pain thats crazy

[4ln-stay8]

Home <3

>summary: Bang Chan is on tour and you miss him a little too much

>author’s note: its been a while since the last fic… I also decided to write fics for other fandoms… It’s technically my first one of this kind so bare with me… its most likely bad, I can’t say Im a writer let alone a good one, but I’m bored and I have ideas sometimes

>warning: fluff, fluff, lots of fluff, Bang Chan, mention of Changbin

>pairing: bang chan x reader

It’s public knowledge that Chan was simply a walking green flag, a flag so green that the red dots that stained the material were simply unnoticeable. He was simply perfect, with all his flaws and all his qualities and you considered yourself the luckiest girl in the world to be able to call him yours.

You stared out of your apartment window, the city lights twinkling below. The loneliness in the room echoed the ache in your chest as you scrolled through old photos of you and your boyfriend, Chan. You couldn’t shake off the longing that grew bigger with each passing day he was on tour.

You traced your finger along the outline of his face in a picture, as if trying to bridge the distance between you.

Nothing felt worse than being away from the one you loved the most. The pain that you felt in your chest every time something reminded you of him, which happened constantly, getting stronger and stronger every time.

As much as you were thrilled about Chan being on tour, knowing how happy he is being in his element surrounded by his beloved stays and members, you couldn’t help but hate it with the same passion you loved it with.

You hate not being with him, not being able to hug and kiss and see and touch him, you hated it all. You hated going to sleep in the cold empty bed, waking up all alone and cold, getting home in the evening to an empty apartment. Everything was lonely, but as much as you missed him, you still wouldn’t change a thing.

Even though there were times when you were away from each other, not being able to see each other for weeks, the moments when you were together were all worth it.

You found yourself sitting on the edge of your bed one lonely evening, a mix of determination and excitement in your eyes. The realization that you missed Chan a little too much hitting you like a wave.

In that moment you realised that late night facetime calls and a few text messages a day weren’t enough for you to hold onto anymore. Thats why you just landed in the country he was supposed to perform in a few days.

As you get in the taxi you feel your phone buzzing in the back pocket of your jeans. You reach for it while you tell the driver your hotel address and check your phone screen to see a message from your beloved pop up.

When you raised your eyes from your phone you realise that you are in front of the hotel. You pay the driver and take your bags out. You take your phone to text Changbin, who helped you pull the entire thing off.

You picked up your bags and went to the hotel lobby where you waited for Changbin. Soon after you got there you see Binnie walking out of the elevator.

-Hi Bin! you said excited to see your friend and one of the reasons you were actually here

-Hi Y/nnie! It’s really nice seeing you! said Binnie pulling you in a hug

-Its great to see you too Bin, I missed you guys! Now can you please give me the key? I’m dying to see him! you said blushing, your smile as big as possible

-Sure you simp! Go pull him out of his misery! He misses you like crazy! said Changbin in a teasing voice giving you the spare key he stole from Chan

-Thank you Binnie! It means the world to me! you said and pulled him in another hug

Changbin led you to Chan’s door. He put your bags down and right when you were about to knock you feel your phone buzzing again.

You hear footsteps approaching the door and you wait there nervous and excited to see him again. You see the door slowly opening and you are met with a very surprised Chan right in front of you.

-Hello my love! you said smiling, your eyes staring to get glossy at the sight of your lovely boyfriend who you have missed deeply

- H…hi! Baby… What are you doing here? he said confused yet excited to see you after so long, getting your bags and pulling you inside his room where he launched himself at you, hugging you like there’s no tomorrow

- I wanted to see you! I missed you so much! you said, your face buried in his chest as you pulled him closer to you

-I missed you too babygirl! But I thought you were going home? I didn’t expected to see you here! he whispered not really sure if this is real or it’s just a daydream

-I was going home. I am home Channie! you said smiling at him…. You are my home! you whisper loud enough for him to hear as you pulled him in a kiss full of love and desire

-You are my home too babygirl! he whispered back as you both pulled apart

You never thought that you could love someone this much, but here you were. You always thought that love was a hard thing, that it was something that it wasn’t meant for you. You convinced yourself that love won’t be a part of your existence but then, Chan came into your life and proved you wrong. Loving him was as easy as breathing. Loving him was like the fresh smell after the rain. Loving him was like a glass of cold water on a hot summer day. Loving him was like sitting in the comfort of your home in a cold day, but yet he was your home. He really was your home.

[stillfrownyclownlol]

SQUEEEE appreciation post for Aiden because I'm really liking the energy here.

under cut because...idk I already subject you guys to my thoughts constantly haha 💀

AIDENNNNNN <3 I KNOW IM ALWAYS SAYING HES CRAZY BUT. but. Idk he's just crazy like I was when I was 15 :<. How do you act like a "normal" when nobody teaches you that stuff? And who gets to decide that? How do you tell when you go overboard when nobody showed you there were lines in the sand in the first place? He has the Biggest Feelings in the world ever and NO OUTLET I. so everything just comes out wrong :(

Hes sadistic in his anger and masochistic in his love, he loves soooo much, he DOES, and he cant even begin to explain it, love is so painful for him and he will keep loving anyways (does anybody understand me). It keeps him alive.

So Id coded. So impulsive. He's so human, so driven by his emotions and by pleasure and by pain that its labelled inhuman. I need to look into his brain NOW.

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. - Albert Camus (Ily Camus)

[marcyyss]

Hihi! Can you write a Finney Blake fanfic with a male reader who has magical/wound-healing kisses? I know it doesn't make sense but I dreamed about it so much lol❣❣. The male reader saved him from his bullies and later Finney discovers that the reader was new in town and already enrolled in his school. So Finney wanted to get noticed again for the reader and he also gets hurt and is persecuted too much- and the reader and he know each other since they are both on the baseball field and the reader is popular! So the following days Finney finds himself having an intense crush on the reader and needs the reader's attention 24/7 and his kisses that heal any wound and pain🥺🥺💗

The people around that the reader helped/healed don't know about his quirk. But Finney found out when the two grew closer.

Also, you can add Finney and the male reader being cute to each other, perhaps with the piglet filling Finney's face and fingers with a simple, pure kiss<3

Finney embarrassed but loving every second with the reader, they were almost like a "secret", they were together and, Finney purposely hurt himself for the reader to take care of him (the poor reader was afraid of how constantly Finney got hurt and Finney could feel selfish and mean many times for doing it on purpose!)🤭🤭🤭🤭

Summary: Reader is a popular guy with lots and lots of drooling over him, and Finney constantly watched him from afar admiring every trait and expression of the reader. cute❣😤💗

YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

WTF THIS IS SO PERFECT I LOVE YOU

–

' Pure kiss '

Pt.1

Finney Blake x M!Reader

Summary: Reader is a popular guy with lots and lots of drooling over him, and Finney constantly watched him from afar admiring every trait and expression of the reader.

Author's note: i love this + sorry for bad english (i stopped playing identity v bc of this request.)

Decided to make thisba serie

Finney was waiting for someone to help him, he almost could feel the pain, he was tired of waiting for a magical someone to help him out of this.

Until he heard someone calling him, when he looked up, he thought he saw an angel.

a handsome boy was helping him walk away from those boys, he looked back at the bullies and they were running away, Finney looked at the boy who saved him

The boy took him to somewhere quiet, it was just you two, all alone, Finney couldn't help but feel nervous

— " Sorry for taking you here, do you feel okay? "

They boy spoke, Finney couldn't look him in the eyes

— " Yeah, i mean, they usually arent this bad i just, maybe it was my fault "

Finney felt like he was going to cry again he didnt want to cry in front of someone he didnt know

— " Im sorry, who are you? "

Finney asked

— " Im y/n, im new here but i couldn't leave you with them "

Finney smiled

— " My name is Finney "

— " Nice to meet you Finney "

Y/n smiled and Finney felt butterflies in his stomach

— " Can you let me heal you? "

Finney realized that he was with a lot of bruises and nose bleeding

— " Sure, if you want to, but im fine, i dont feel almost anything "

Y/n didnt listen to him and he leaned to him, Finney got more nervous as he leaned closer, Finney closed him eyes and he felt y/n's lips on his cheeks where he had some bruises, then his nose and arms, where he had some cuts

Finney suddenly didnt feel any pain, he open his eyes and looked at his arms, the cuts were gone, he touched his nose and the bleeding was gone, he looked at y/n

— " What did you do? "

Y/n looked away

— " i dont know how to explain it without sound crazy "

Finney took y/n by his arms

— " you just KISSED me and my bruises are gone, do you have magic powers?! "

Y/n sighed

— " Yes... "

Finney blushed and let y/n go, he realized that he was kissed by a handsome boy and he couldn't believe it

— " Thank you "

— " Its nothing, you can let me know if they bully you again, i'll help you "

Y/n left, and Finney couldn't stop think about that "i'll help you" does that mean that he would kiss him again?

The next week, while Finney was with Gwen walking to school, he saw that boy again, Finney felt nervous, he couldn't stop think about him all week, does that boy go to his school now? He couldn't help but blush

— " Are you okay Finney? "

Gwen asked

— " Um, yeah, im fine "

— " Alrigth.. "

Gwen acted like she didnt notice but she thought that Finney was acting strange since last week, it was that boy fault?

- At school, recess.

Y/N was surrounded by people, he was pretty popular even if it was his first day, maybe because he was so handsome, that what Finney thought.

But Finney didnt like it at all, he wanted y/n's attention to himself but that was really selfish "sharing is caring" he thought, so he went to talk to Robin about some space facts, and maybe some movies.

Person.. I love you but i ran out of ideas so im making this a serie 🤭💖

[furiousgoldfish]

i saw you were opening this up!! i have a lot to say-

first of all, thank you for this blog. it's literally helped me so much in figuring out what abuse is like and helped me realize the kind of household i really live in.

my whole life i thought i was exaggerating or making shit up , that my experiences werent valid or crazy enough to be considered abuse. i literally forgot so many events in my life because i repressed them and because of that i feel like i cant explain my situation that well.

my parents and brother are incredibly homophobic and transphobic, theyre super fucking toxic to me and its horrible. when i was younger and was having a hard time in school because of a group of bullies, i called them to pick me up and when i explained what happened they told me it wasnt that big of a deal and it wasnt something to cry to them about.

when i was in seventh grade i had a panic attack at this church thing my mom was going to, and she took me outside while i was trying to calm down. i repeatedly told her "im sorry" for dragging her out and wasting her time, and she looked at me frustrated and said "you should be."

when i was questioning my sexuality they told me it was the devil lying to me and putting things in my head. they brought me to several pastors and churches so i could talk to leaders about it and they all told me that it was sinful and against god.

i came out as nonbinary last year, and my brother found out because he looked through my things, and then outed me to both my parents after i told him to not say anything. they said they refused to send me to any kind of therapist that wasnt a biblical one or a pastor and that im only looking for people who tell me what i want to hear.

my dad placed 30 minutes of screen time for tiktok, discord, and snapchat. he once brought me to a restaurant because he said he wanted to hang out, but when i got there he pulled out literal charts of bar graphs depicting how much time i spent on each app. then he told me he was going to either take away all my social media and online friends, or he was going to interrogate them. and i had to choose.

once in a family therapy session my mom said she would rather kill herself than let me join an lgbt support group. another time my brother came to my room and told me my mom was suicidal and that it was my fault. he said, "you think you have problems? you think youre depressed? mom is literally suicidal because of this whole thing with you. this is a wake up call. grow up."

another time, he (my brother) told me that i was a woman, that i couldnt change that, that its what it said on my birth certificate and no matter how much i called myself nonbinary it wouldnt change that im a woman.

recently, i talked to my mother about getting a new therapist. she gave me the phone number to one she found. and it was a conversion therapist. she was about to send me through a conversion program. this was a few days ago.

my parents constantly tell me that what they do is because they love me and want whats best for me and i constantly make a problem because i dont appreciate them or i get mad at them or i dont talk to them or i push them away. and it makes me feel like its my fault.

again, thank you so much for your blog. its helped me ground myself so much. keep doing what youre doing- seriously its amazing. <33

Yeah, all of us think we're exaggerating and making stuff up, it's incredibly sad we all get to not just get hurt, but constantly second-guess ourselves about it. Repressing and forgetting events is also extremely common too, it's out only means of defense against a too-painful reality.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with homophobia and transphobia at such a young age, and from your family members as well, it's devastating. You should have gotten support from your family members when you were bullied, being picked on and hurt by your peers is enough bad, without anyone acting like it's a no big deal.

It's so painful you were apologizing for having a panic attack, even in the worst pain you still had to think about what others might think and whethere you're an invonvenience. It's hateful they tried to stop you questioning your sexuality, you if anyone have the sole right to figure it out for yourself. Even to involve religious authority to shame you, that's sick! I hate every single pastor who had the fucking nerve to tell to a child their sexuality is sinful or against god, sexuality is something so natural and positive and you should have been celebrated.

It's incredibly hateful to expose you to religious abuse just because they found out, against your consent, that you're non-binary. They used religion as a threat against you, and as a way to control who you are, and are not allowed to be, and this is a crime. Your choice has been taken away and given into the hands of people who only had control and force in mind.

Your social media time is your own business, I can't imagine anyone punishing a grownup for something like that, the entire world is on the social media without any self control! You've done nothing wrong.

Your mother is awful. Die rather than for her child to have a healthy support. I'm so sorry you had to hear something so hateful, from your own parent. You didn't deserve that. It's not your fault. You can't control your sexuality, you can't control people's hatred. I wish you had more support during this. Nobody is allowed to blame you for hatred that's directed at you.

I'm so sorry that your family members refuse to accept your identity, and that they would do something so horrifying as conversion to you. That is not only dangerous but deadly, and it has never been done out of love. I hope you never get sent to a conversion program, because that is devastating and dangerous, I want you to stay safe, to receive love and support for who you are.

I hope in the future, you will meet people who will find you natural and delightful just as you are, who will share the same mindset and approve of every bit of who you are. You deserve so much support in dealing with this. I'm with you, and I bet a lot of people can relate to this and want to offer you community.

[strawberryseeded]

..,

oh man..sighs.....ok so im kinda worried abt sum of my piercings.. ://

sooooo. ive been paranoid abt my eyebrow piercing rejecting 4 a whiiile now..n while tbh it doesnt rly seem 2 be that case..? 1 of the holes is just constantly slightly irritated. also ive been feeling discontent abt the way it was pierced also 4 a while; i prefer snug jewerly 4 eyebrow piercings n, bc of the way mine was done, even w the smallest curves barbell ucan still see quite a bit of the metal hanging and uggghhh i love my eyebrow piercing 2 death but im just not that into that specific look..ive been looking 4 smaller jewelry (even custom 1s) since 4ever n ive had no luck:((( im seriously considering retiring the piercing n getting it redone. but im scared the scarring wud be too visible this time since i think they wud be piercing it a bit wider(?) this time, not in the same place like the last time i repierced it. i shud prob see a dermathologist 4 dat -_-;;

THEN.. my ears. they do not plague my mind as much as the eyebrow piercing lol BUUUT all the lobes + helixes r taking 4EVEEEER 2 heal its such a pain!!!!! lol dhdhdhh the issue is p much solely when i lay down. if im laying down 4 a long time while pressing down on one of the piercings w/o notices they swell up like crazy. a warm shower + saline soaks help a TON but its just....annoying lol. sometimes after i wake up from a nap or yanno just sleeping i realize not only my neck is sore from trying so hard not 2 sleep on my sides, my ears r sore as well -_- n i just cant help but think god again???? all this pain 4 naught!!(dramatic) why am i even enduring this??? I just wanna sleep peacefully!!! T-T honestly i think a big part of the issue is the fact that i pierced both my ears when the last i had pierced wasnt fully healed (i thought it was even tho only 3 months had passed..silly). tbh its one of those mistakes that ppl on the internet n reddit threads constantly warn u abt but u dont realize just how truly annoying n detrimental 2 the healing it is until u actually make the mistake. when i think its all good one of the piercings starts acting up. when that 1 calms down, another 1 gets irritated. when that 1 is under control, one of the stupid little jewelry balls gets unscrewed n i lose it and dude im out of the little balls do i just put a ring?? MISTAKE. well.

ok whatever hdgdgdh just wanted 2 rant. im planning 2 go to the piercer next month 2 mainly ask abt the eyebrow piercing ..n maybe if im feeling masochistic & since its my bd monthhh.......get another 1 🤡

[prince-tulip]

I loved you so much, now everything is fading. I miss your voice, the way your face layed in my hands, the way your body moves when you're walking, the feeling of safety when we hold each other, how everything stands still. I miss you so much.

I never let myself be happy, i destroyed what i knew i was happy with but i feared so many things, fear of being abandoned, fear of not being good enough. Ive tried to understand that what i did was due to trauma, fear, impulsiveness, idealism, devaluing, black and white thinking, people pleasing, not being able to say no, having no boundaries for myself or others, trauma bonds, child regression, unsure self image, severe anxiety, resentment, cognitive distortions, fear of attachment, avoidant personality, always self sabotaging to where i only experience punishment cause thats what i deserve? Or am more familiar with that then feeling stable and happy...questioning constantly if there is a higher meaning to everything and anything, like theres some plan unfolding in front of me constantly to lead me to my "true fate" andddd fucking dealing with hypersexuality, sexual repulsion, unsure of my views on relationships and tradition, financial goals, bringing kids into this world and as well as sexuality, gender, it all just kills me everyday, pushing me further from whoever i was. Whatever good that was left. I can't help but understand i am the villain and i feel as if i manifested this, subconsciously. If i was on edge and in chaos, then only chaos will insure. Im left to question even more now, to question am i capable of love? Receiving love? Do i deserve that? In whatever form? Ive lost someone who i truly loved and should of married and been with for the rest of my life and on top of that, i lost another person who was truly someone that was one of my best friends, all due to my negligence of my disorder/mental health and even when i try to point the finger at this whatever seems plausible or have an explanation, i gas light myself that honestly its not real and im just an awful person who truly just wants pain...I'm left lost, scared, cowardly, soft and i feel the shifting of what would of been everyday and it feels like it burns in my stomach and rises up into my chest, staggering my breathing.

How ironic i always said that everyone always leaves but in reality, they leave because i push them away..its like im watching myself lose these people in my life slowly and just refusing to stop being a crazy person..i was so scared of having regret and shame, that all i ended up was having to face regret and shame.

Shame and fear is DISSOCIATIVE AND DISORIENTING and if i could take those parts of my brain out that cause it, i would. I love everyone that helped shaped me and i only wish to keep those people, in however that must be but man, i didn't realize how bad trauma bonds and child regression and shame was going to play into my life so heavily, i thought i could be Open. Strong. Honest. Make up for some of the wrongs i had done and all i did was just cause more issues...i thought i could have certain people as my friends and have my one person i stay with forever.

I cant believe i hurt people i truly loved.

[crazylil-lion]

"You just have to see the beauty in everyday and realize its a gift"

Bullshit everyday is agony like being dosed in gasoline and being set ablaze.

It's easy to say, Just enjoy life when you have good experiences to imagine again. If you grow up with nothing but trauma, you have no "good" moments to look forward to. So all you have is the hell you experience every day that is so bad. All you can do is try resisting the suicidal thoughts.

For some people the good memories is me getting ice cream after having my nose broken.

That's a good memory from my childhood. I didn't have that first love or that experience with friends doing something crazy.

No my life has been fucking awful day after day for almost 25years now.

How can you fucking tell me to enjoy what I have and just wait for love.

Do you not understand??? You can yearn for someone because you've had it. It hurts it makes you cry but you know it can happen again.

If you never have a close safe relationship? If you never been positively physically touched?

You can't. It hurts so fucking bad constantly. Ugh.

I'm tired of complaining here. Im tired of no one listening or hearing me.

No one fucking cares how much pain or suffering you are in.

My life doesn't matter its just abuse after abuse and suffering between.

I just wanna fucking scream but whats the point no one cares! I wanna break my hand. Or add some cuts or burns. I want to be done suffering and death is the only answer I have left.

Feels bad for the like 3 or 4 active followers I have.

Suppose to be a gfd account really just me bitching and posting about suicide. 🫠

[chaandkeeroshni]

06.01.23

It’s been a whole while and it’s a new year, and I haven’t been able to write in a while haha.

Coming back to Lahore is always so many emotions, and out of all things I experience here, the worst is resentment. the bitterness that comes back with a single change in tone, reminding me how much I have probably repressed.

out of so many things ive been feeling ive just been realizing how demented my relationship with care is. im always looking. and sometimes it just feels cruel because i see authenticity in none of it. i begin to start seeing someone as my anchor and even if i don’t freak the fuck out, i feel dissociated as fuck. Doesn’t feel like my thing to have, doesn’t feel like this feeling belongs to me. itll always take a while for me to believe it’s mine, and by then, it’s usually gone already. it’s cruel almost, sometimes. and i am so so tired.

off late i had a lot of anxiety with work starting but work started and brought so much relief. work has always been central to me maintaining my sanity. i daydream about a life of rest where i can just be, without the need for work to constantly occupy me, because i refuse to live a life where i need to be working for someone, filling hours, always looking for some kind of external validation to just be.

I met Raba today and she was being her usual self asking me to tell her exactly what she should do to fix a situation, and then we got dinner and then she tasted my strawberry chiller and said she wanted the same one, and once she left i got a missed call and she said it was Ayzel, she also tried to video call me, and it was technically her first call to her khala. Maria messaged me saying she was over her tantrum and she didn’t want to lose me. Preceding message being, this feels like a bigger breakup. she told me last two days had been heavy and mostly because she doesn’t know how to deal with her emotions without me. and it’s been sweet, and it’s always been, amidst the inconsistency and anxieties of dealing with other things including men, sisterhood has always been the safest. it has always held with care, with love, always reverting back to kindness after tantrums. laughing in its own face when trying to abandon. reminds me of grade 10 and when I flirted with Raba’s stupid boyfriend and she was mad and she cried but she’d still spend nights talking to me.

sisterhood itself has always softly spoken to me of reasons it should be prioritized. sisterhood itself has always been a reminder.

it’s been chaotic. and in the chaos, abr has kind of been an anchor. and having that feels lovely and safe but there’s so much between him and i that i somehow can’t get past. it just feels like this feeling doesn’t belong to me and it’ll dissipate before i even call it mine.

ibrahim has been another anchor and sometimes i can’t imagine what a shitshow living in this house, ever, would be without him.

a lot’s been weighing on my heart. and it’s sad, and sometimes i don’t know what to do, and where to go. I always find a spiral to get myself stuck in. i always manage to do that.

and sometimes, i do think of and miss danyal. Not with the same pain, not with any pain mostly. Mostly, I think of how he’d be. What he does with all his crazy thoughts now, and where does he find safety. Life is so strange, and people always come and go, the uncertainty of love itself keeps making a mockery out of it.

Like always, daydreaming is my safest abode. And I manifest feeling safe, cherished, loved and at rest. there is abundance in that. there has to be.

[normal-thoughts-official]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR BEAUTY AND THE BEAST IDEA. But may I also propose: Magnus cursed from a young age (probably bc of Asmodeus) that anyone who touches him is hurt by a blast of magic he can't control. (This may result in his mother's death). He locks himself away of his own will. Alec teaches then that it's fear that makes him lash out. Featuring: touch starved Magnus.

this idea is GENIUS actually and i love it. tbh me and my friend have a similar idea that we talk to each other about (lol) but it isn't a B&B thing, its more of an adventure AU. anyway, lets go!

so in this universe i guess magnus banished asmodeus like in the original sh verse but asmodeus cursed him with the "everyone you touch will be in indescribable pain" thing. maybe just as revenge, maybe to try and use it as bargaining chip because okay magnus, is it freedom that u want? u want to be able to have ur own friends and ur own life? fine. get me back, and ill leave u alone, and ull be free to have friends again. if not, ull be still isolated just like before. so is it gonna be win-win, or lose-lose?

but magnus doesn't budge because he knows that if he lets asmodeus free things will only get worse not only for him, but for the whole world. he is too dangerous to be out there. so, magnus resigns to his fate

and i guess in this version he wouldnt have a lot of close friends because he had been with asmodeus his whole life before he was cursed, so he was just. alone in his self-imposed isolation with no one to talk to. maybe he enchants the furniture so they gain sentience but they can't really feel pain, so at least he has someone to talk to. god im so fucking sad already

so is the furniture his friends in canon? im not entirely sure how i feel about that but also the idea of ragnor as that clock from the original movie is great. thats my most important thought on the subject ngl

btw its 4 degrees Celsius in here so im typing with gloves on so ull have to excuse my typos i am a mere brazilian and i want death

anyway okay so i guess his friends are like pieces of furniture that he spelled into sentience and they aren't his servants or anything cuz that's gross but they just like, hang out. wow im actually managing to type pretty well all things considered

so at least magnus has people to talk to but he's still touch starved because you know... a clock can't hug you and that'd just be weird. maybe them becoming sentient was an accident? lmao like magnus just wanted to automate some functions like having the clock talk to tell him the time or something and it turned out that they became sentient. possibly his magic is a little fucky because of the curse so that's why that happened? or maybe he just is way more powerful than he realizes and we all know he invented the spells he used to try and automate the things anyway. but if he gets people to talk to, well, he's not complaining

im focusing too much on this. anyway. id also like to note that im making rapha the cook/stove thing because i mean, come on. it's right there

and ok i guess alec comes into this because he uhhhhhh no u know i might go with that izzy thing. so izzy ran away from home because of maryse's bullshit and alec was sent to bring her back. so he was going after her but in the middle of the path there was the whole wolf attack thing that scared off his horse and LUCKILY magnus' house/tower/whatever was right next!!! so of course they take alec and his horse in but also WHOOPS there's a huge snowstorm that lasts for days (par the course for where magnus lives, actually. he DID want somewhere people would avoid. but also i think maybe his magic being fucky has something to do with it) so i guess alec is stuck at magnus' for the foreseeable future

which is HELL for magnus because he is terrified out of his mind that they will accidentally touch and alec will be hurt. and like.... his Constant Crave For Touch is already bad on a regular day, but having someone who could actually hug him in theory just makes it worse, you know? he hasn't interacted with other human beings in so long, just having one there is enough to make his need for touch almost unbearable and just... completely constant. it's hell

so magnus is scared, which means that he keeps to himself. so he tells alec not to go into his room, he tries not to eat at the same time, and other stuff like that, bUT his friends keep sabotaging his plans because they want him to have another friend, jesus christ!! (rapha being like "come on now magnus, you don't want my soup to get cold, do you? i'll be deeply offended. i guess you have no choice but to eat with alec". so magnus goes but the first thing he does is magic his regular table into a gigantic rectangular table with 41908410 seats and seat on on the side opposite to alec. alec just sighs

so like he's constantly coming across as rude because he is trying to avoid alec, alec just doesn't know why

but alec is also a stubborn bitch who goes stir crazy and refuses to just sit around isolated doing nothing while they wait for the stupid storm to finally be over so he can go get his sister. and magnus saved his life, so it's the least he can do to repay him in some way. besides, this is what, the first time that he's been completely away from his mom? for such a long time too? and he's finding that he feels... weirdly free and just relieved and he doesn't want to waste that opportunity with standing idly around alone all day. he had enough of that at home, thank you very much

besides yeah magnus is being rude but alec is used to straight up assholes and abusers (jace. i'm talking about jace. also maryse ofc but mostly jace) and magnus is not that. in fact he makes very polite conversation and is actually pretty fun during dinner, all things considered. he's just.... super private, i guess

AND magnus' friends are all being a nightmare with the making them interact so you know. they end up interacting. and alec makes it a point to help him take care of his house because it is a certified Depression Lair™. magnus can take care of it magically but it's like... so dark and almost suffocating at times and there is stuff like bad painting and piping problems that he never bothered to fix because it isn't affecting the functionality too much but it DOES makes life harder and alec "everything must be at 100% always" lightwood is not here for it so for a few days they are working on fixing the house and... magnus actually feels a lot better when the place has actual sunlight and looks inviting and like a home, he has to admit. when he says that to alec it might be the first time he's given him a real smile and man, is alec smitten

sidenote i guess this means that magnus doesn't exactly... dress well in this au lmaoo i mean it makes sense too because canonically magnus uses dressing up as a way to convey an image of power and untouchability and he doesn't really need that in this AU since he is completely isolated. so i guess he is a bit more like twi magnus - bare-faced and wearing comfortable clothes and the like. this isn't a twi au i'm just saying that it makes more sense for him to dress like that in that context

anyway. after the whole house fixing thing, they officially become friends. it turns out that alec also knows a bit about what it's like to feel isolated and touch-starved (altho he's always had izzy to help in that department, but still) and also what crappy parents are like. magnus shows alec his little mirror that he's enchanted to be able to show him anything he wants and how he uses it to be able to see all the places in the world he'd like to visit - he loves people, he loves culture, and sometimes it's all he can do to watch what's going on in Mumbai and it makes him feel a little better, so, he does that. he also admits that sometimes he catches on some drama happening and uses the mirror to see the people involved and make sure they are okay. kinda like a soap opera of his own but he has the means to interfere and help because of magic, so he will have someone who's struggling with money suddenly find hidden cash or have an "unknown dead relative" give them a lot of money in their will, or something like that. and if he also watches some of their personal drama that unfolds, well. he is lonely and it's not hurting anyone

but magnus doesn't tell him about the curse, and he still makes sure to keep his distance. it stings a little to alec, but it hurts magnus the most because fuck, maybe he just desperately needs someone who will give him the time of day, but he likes this guy and that only makes it harder to keep his distance. he makes it a point to always be at at least two arms length from alec, which alec thankfully respects and doesn't try to get him to breach, but. shit. it's still so hard to not want to just rest his head on his shoulder or get a hug or even fucking touch pinkies like stupid children and he can't. alec even once jokingly suggests that they have a ball since magnus doesn't know how to dance and magnus is actually excited for a second before he remembers that he can't, it would have to mean that alec touches him, and he can't

someone - maybe ragnor - even suggests that maybe he could try gloves and heavy clothing so alec isn't really touching him but magnus refuses to try because he doesn't want to risk it not working and alec getting hurt, because he'd never forgive himself. besides, getting a taste would only make it hurt more. he can't. he can't

but it's alright because at least he has some human company - he loves his friends, he does, fiercely, but it's different when they kind of have no choice but to be with him and also are enchanted creatures. he doesn't even know if they aren't nice to him just because he enchanted them into life, even tho to be fair if he had a choice ragnor wouldn't be that grouchy - and alec makes him laugh and gets him and helped make his place feel more like home, a little bit. and he can pretend that he feels the warmth from alec's body when they are sitting by the fire and feed these crumbs to his desperate need for touch and company

and then the snowstorm ends and it's time for alec to go

honestly, alec himself is kind of heartbroken, but- he loves his sister, and he can't just leave her alone in god knows where, even if he dreads the thought of coming back home now that he's been away from his family for so long. but magnus doesn't want to keep him, and doesn't want alec to feel pity for him, so he's all but pushing alec out of the door (not literally, of course. he can't do that, it would mean touching him) all "go, go, you never know when another storm might start. go see your sister. take my mirror, you can find her more easy". and alec's all "but it's been the only thing-" and magnus waves him off, of course, all "i can always make myself another one. besides, you'll have something to remember me by. now go"

so.... alec goes

and hooo boy magnus is heartbroken and a mess because even tho he knew how much having someone else there helped he had almost forgotten what it was like to be the only human in the house. he just feels extra lonely and even kind of bad about it because hey, his friends are there - not that they begrudge him for it, of course. it's not like they don't also hope for the chance to get out of the house and do other things, but well. they can't. so they understand him. and they know how awful he's feeling right then, but what can they do?

meanwhile alec finds izzy pretty quickly - she's living with this one insufferable villager named clary that alec absolutely can't stand, but- she's happy. and she doesn't want to come back, which alec expected, but he finds that he can't actually insist for her to come back. how could he, when he himself doesn't want to go?

and izzy insists that he stays with her - there's no reason for him to come back. they can stay in the village, and work, and build a life for themselves. alec is the only thing she's been missing ever since she left, and in here the both of them can actually be happy. and do it together, like they're meant to

and when he first gets into the village is the first time since izzy ran away that he was hugged and fuck, it's hard to say no to her

but also... he misses magnus already

and he doesn't know if he can just stay and leave him behind

and of course izzy is like "who is magnus?" so alec tells her the story, how he was attacked by wolves and rescued by this house that miraculously was in the middle of the single most inhospitable placealec had ever seen in his life. and the kind but wary stranger who always keeps his distance but seems so eager for connection, who made alec feel welcome and laugh and feel like he built a life for himself there

and clary tells him that she's heard of the story, but she never knew it was more than a legend - no one really remembers what happened. some say that magnus made a sacrifice to rid the village of a demon, and it turned him into a beast, forever locked in his castle. some say that he himself is the demon, and it's the tower that's containing him and keeping the village safe. some even say that he died battling the demon, and it's his ghost that keeps watch on the tower

she wants alec to explain which one is true, but it's all alec can say that none of these are right and he knows nothing because magnus never told him. all alec knows is that he doesn't want to leave magnus behind

and clary is like... well, if he's not a demon or a ghost, maybe we could bring him to the village too. he has magic, right? he could bring the tower closer. and maybe the other villagers could, you know, visit him and hang out. and he wouldn't be as lonely, and then alec and izzy could both stay

driven by this failproof plan, they decide to go back to magnus and tell him their great idea

except they are IDIOTS and forget about. you know. the damn wolves

and like holy shit is this pack big or what? like no seriously why are there infinite wolves in that one singular pack in beauty and the beast. like holy shit dude there's more wolves near the beast's house than in the whole yellowstone park

anyway there are Many Wolves and while alec is a good archer, izzy is a fantastic fighter, and clary is Fucking Crazy if you give her something stabby, there's only so many wolves they can take on at the same time

good thing magnus is a pining idiot who did in fact make himself another magic mirror and was watching alec with it. so he knows that the dumbass is in trouble and for the first time in years, he uses the portal (his own invention, and he had never gotten to use it before!) to get to them and fight off the wolves

so magnus saves all their lives, at the cost of getting severely injured and passing the fuck out. izzy, who's the one closest, runs to get to him and help put him on one of their horses... and is immediately hit by a blast of magic that almost makes HER pass tf out too

which is when they finally learn that, oh. that is the curse

izzy is fine, of course - the pain ended as soon as she was away from magnus

but it does pose the problem of How The Fuck Are They Getting Him Back To Safety, because they can't exactly wait for magnus to wake up (it's freezing, for starters) but with this amount of pain it won't be physically possible for them to hoist him up and get him on the horse. shit, will the curse work on the horse?

they bring alec's horse (by far the strongest of them because alec is huge buff mcgee) and try to get him to touch magnus and the spell does NOT work on the horse because in order to be dramatic asmodeus was like "you shall never feel human touch again" when he cast the spell, which accidentally gave a LOOPHOLE for non-human animals. so magnus could have had cats the whole time, which he had always dreamed of, but he didnt want to risk testing. besides, his house would be a poor environment for a cat and [self torture noises]

anyway thats one less problem to deal with, 99 to go, so they use some ropes to hoist magnus on top of the horse and bring him back to the tower (it's closer than the village) so they can tend to his wounds. thankfully, as the assigned Big Brother of a very irresponsible izzy, alec has experience with first aid, altho he never really dealt with anything quite this bad. and magnus' friends help, too, as much as they can. inevitably this means that alec ends up touching him even if by accident sometimes, but he knows what to expect so he Powers Through It because he won't let magnus die, damn. and as horrible as that is alec has experience with powering through pain, so. he's gonna bandage him up god damn it

izzy can't stand to see him dealing with that himself tho, so she helps, and clary ends up helping as well because they figure sharing the pain makes it easier and alec doesn't have to be too hurt. minimal touching accidents for alec! good

*narrator voice* And Then Magnus Wakes Up And Alec Hugs Him

full on launches on top of him and brings him into his arms and Magnus screams like NONONO OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALEC NO GET OFF ME YOU'LL BE HURT and his shock and distress at the whole thing sends another whole blast of magic that explodes that whole mf before it can touch alec and alec feels no pain and magnus is like.............. did i just COUNTER the spell? and everyone's like well! it looks like u did!

which earns him ANOTHER hug (oh my god alec stop he's so stressed out by this) (who knew alec was so touchy?) and this time he's paying attention to that gut reaction and because magnus is a Certified Magic Genius he realizes what it is that he's doing to counter the spell and immediately starts working on a way to turn this into unhexxing himself for good

which he DOES after some time idk how long but alec stays with him meanwhile and maybe izzy and clary do too, because magnus needs all the company he can get and besides, izzy has always wanted adventure and clary has never left the village before, so this is interesting to them at least. and magnus gets to meet new ppl which is nice

eventually the Begone Spell spell is performed and it works and turns out that when it does that it also unfucks magnus' magic and perfects his sentience spell turning all of his friends into humans WOW WHOD HAVE THOUGHT. so all of them are free to leave the tower as ppl at the same time and GROUP HUG!! and magnus cries like a baby in the group hug because holy shit hes been needing something like this so bad for so long and he never expected to have that with his friends but here he is :)

and then yeah they all move to the village to live a simple but fulfilling life and Magnus and Alec start living together in a little cottage and become husbands the end <3 this is so long too rip me

[newtedison]

my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in. 

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

[goblinmanifesto]

Ive already accidentally deleted this once so fucking kill me (I forgot to save it).

⚠️TW FOR ANXIETY, TOURETTES, SLIGHT SELF HARM⚠️

But this is my post for @doinmybesthere Mental Health Awareness May collab! I will be doing Bokuto Koutarou. To explain a bit, to cope with bullshit that is life, I accidentally made myself a coping mechanism that I loving refer to as the ‘Klaus Hargreeves‘ (if you know anything about that character, you already know where my mental state is) because I can’t remember what my therapist said the actual name for it was. To put it simply, it’s like overactive day dreaming. I act out and create scenarios in my head to comfort myself, most of the time using characters or real people as an enabler for the comfort I wish to gain. Side effects being; if caught, considered crazy, sometimes don’t realize I’m doing it which can lead to awkward situations, sometimes I fuck up what’s real and what’s not. So, in these little stories, I will be retelling scenarios I have created through this coping mechanism that relate to both Bokuto and my mental problems! Each will be labeled with what they deal with so you can skip the one that might trigger you. Enjoy and happy reading! (I WILL ALSO BE MENTIONING AND USING STIMMING) ((I will probably use this to make other fics like this in the future mentioning my other ~stuff~ but in the meantime this is all I want to do so enjoy!))

⚠️LAST TW⚠️

1. ~Anxiety, Self harm, Mentions of Stimming~ He should’ve been home an hour ago! I was pacing in the living room, shaking hands holding my phone. It was 7:13 and Koutarou was supposed to be home at 6:00. I was spiraling and I could feel it, but I didn't know what to do about it. Id sent him text after text, but he was yet to respond. I glanced at my cell, only stopping my frantic shuffling to focus my attention on reading the screen;

Hey, is practice running late? [6:11] When do you think you’ll be home? [6:15] Are you there? [6:19] Koutarou??????? [6:23] Kou pick up your damn phone! [6:27] Did something happen???!! [6:34] Is everything okay?! [6:39] Are you mad or something??? [6:47] Bokuto Koutarou I’m dead serious where are you?!?!?! [6:53] Bo-ku-to!!!! [6:59] Koutarou it’s been hour please text me [7:07] Koutarou!!! [7:12] -Unread-

My eyes scanned the messages again, not leaving the blue screen until until my shin collided with the side of the coffee table. I hadn’t even realized I had started pacing again. I checked the texts I had sent to Akaashi as well, since I knew he was at that practice too, but I hadn’t gotten any responses from him either. Slipping my phone screen up onto the table I continued my pacing, not even processing when my finger nails found their way under my teeth, and how when they left my mouth to scratch at my neck or claw at my shirt, my teeth resorted to gnawing at my lip instead, tearing up the thin skin. All habits I was trying to kill but didn’t have enough brain power to focus on not doing them. My eyes constantly searched the driveway for the headlights of any car, any car at all, but they always came up with nothing. It was 7:24 when my phone struck with the sound of text, the bing of anticipation sent me diving for, and consequently almost dropping, my phone in an attempt to find out if it was Koutarou. It was!

Hey, is practice running late? [6:11] When do you think you’ll be home? [6:15] Are you there? [6:19] Koutarou??????? [6:23] Kou pick up your damn phone! [6:27] Did something happen???!! [6:34] Is everything okay?! [6:39] Are you mad or something??? [6:47] Bokuto Koutarou I’m dead serious where are you?!?!?! [6:53] Bo-ku-to!!!! [6:59] Koutarou it’s been hour please text me [7:07] Koutarou!!! [7:12]

-Read-

Im so sorry!! Yes practice did end up running late! But something else happened and I

wasn’t able to text you! I’m not mad about

anything I promise!! What happened is also

minor and nothing to worry about and I’ll explain when I get home in about ten

[7:21] minutes!! I’m so sorry!! -Read-

I sighed, relieved, the weight on my chest and in my head dissolved and I felt like I could finally breathe again. Though, as I came down from my anxiety rush, I became aware of a lot of things all at once. The first was a good deal of pain. From knocking my leg into a table and pacing for over an hour, to bitten lips and nails, and my scraped neck. I groaned, I need to get a better handle on this.

But that wasnt important. Koutarou was okay and on his way home! I waited at the window, feeling a bit like a dog waiting on its owner (that was a kink joke yes), and leaped to the front door when I saw his car in the driveway. Throwing open the door, I pulled him inside the second I could get my hands on him and pulled him through the doorway. The moment he was inside, I shoved myself into his arms in a tight hug, so glad he was okay. He returned the hug and held me tightly, I let out a shuddering breathe and he let out comforting sounds I sometimes use to stim. “Hey, hey, hey, I’m so sorry to have you worry, it was about Akaashi! We were running extra practice with a handful of the other guys and I literally had half a text to you written out when he a spike to the face! I was the only one left with a car so I drove him to hospital! I’m so sorry you are so worried you sent like 15 texts! I’m so-“ I cut him short with a hand over his mouth since that was one of the only ways to get him to stop talking. “Kou, it’s okay, I understand, it just really scared me ‘is all-“ he pried my hand off his face but held it in his own.

”I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t apologize for it, whether I was in complete control of the situation or not! Which I was not, by the way, no control what-so-fucking-ever, I had four other guys in the car and one of them was bleeding and concussed, it was chaos!!” His eyes were wide and he went off on the stress of the situation and, for a moment, I forgot that it was 7:26 at night on a Thursday and I had a biology test in the morning, and that Koutarou just got home and I hadn’t even eaten yet and all the other things that werent right in the world. Everything was fine in that moment. But that ended when Koutarou took a good hard look at me. The redness and scratch marks on my neck, the bitten to bleeding finger nails, the small bruise forming on my shin, my blotchy face and my probably-way-too-red lips. He stopped dead in his words and I felt my eyebrows scrunch up.

“Whats wrong?-“

“You did the things again didn’t you?!” He sounded distressed and his broad shoulders sunk. Koutarous hands rubbed my shoulders as he stared into my eyes with the most concerned look I’d ever seen. He pulled me back to his chest again and promised it wouldn’t happen again.

7:46, Koutarou insisted on taking care of my ‘injuries’ since he was who I was having anxiety over anyway. I protested a little, but gave up when he gave me the baby-owl eyes.

First, he had wrapped bandaids on my fingers. Thankfully, they were black, and I made a comment on it was like a 2-second manicure just to hear him chuckle.

Then, Kou applied a moisturizer to my neck. “Kou, I can do this myself-“

”Nope! I insist!”

”I’m not a child-“

”Don’t care, I’m doing it so just shush up and let me do what I need to do!”

Next, he made me apply ice to my bruise even though it was tiny and caused by a damn two-foot-tall coffee table.

Lastly, he gave me chapstick. Again, wouldn’t let me do it myself, so I made several sarcastic remarks to make him blush, all working quite well. Koutarou had to tell me to stop giggling multiple times so I could stay still.

”Alright, are you done playing nurse?”

”Forgive me for wanting to take care of you!!” He stuck his tongue out at me with an audible “bleh!” and I cackled.

”You are forgiven, Nurse Bokuto.”

2. ~Tourette’s, Stimming~ My neck painfully popped when it jerked to the left, my tics had been bad all day and I no clue why. Could be exams, or the fucking toaster for all I knew. I hissed, rubbing at my neck and adjusting the water can I almost dropped, trying to continue about my Saturday.

It was obnoxious, really, having to me-proof everything around in case I end up kicking it, dropping it, or hitting it. My joints constantly cracking and snapping and jolting in the strangest ways at any given moment. Sometimes repeating what people say back at them in perfect mirror-like fashion. Though that last one can be kind of funny.

Clicking my toungue to make nice noises to try and stim the tic away, I returned back to my plants. I could feel them chuckling at me and, in that moment, I understood everything about Crowley from ‘Good Omens’.

I heard the door unlock in the other room and I put my can down as a precaution and peeked out of the doorway.

A moment later, Koutarou popped through the door after his morning jog. He called out; “Hey, hey, hey!” as a greeting.

I felt my hands go up behind my head and I thought Oh gods dammit, and then my jaw jutted forward in a very unattractive way and I repeated his phrase in the same manner as him, then immediately dropped, as my body decreed.

I groaned, looking up at him, who looked slightly bewildered at my little madness ritual. His hair laid flat on his head, he had chosen not to mess with it this morning, much to my delight, his amber eyes a little wide and his eyebrows raised. He was barely even in the house yet.

We just kind of stared at each other for a hot second before I awkwardly waved ‘hello’ and cracked a weird grin. He grinned back, his more pleasant than mine. Walking over, he opened his arms for a hug, and I accepted, since he wasn’t all that sweaty this time around, and it was the least I could do since he had to witness that.

Koutarou planted a kiss on the top of my head, cheering “Good morning!”

I muttered a response into his shirt.

“One of those days, huh?” I nodded.

“Coffee? I think we have muffins in the cabinet?” I nodded again and he lead me into the kitchen to set up some breakfast. It was 9:00 am on a Saturday after all. A weird Saturday, but watching Koutarou finagle through the cabinets, it couldn’t be that bad.

That is all for now! Have a wonderful day and I am going to sleep for three years see y’all (edited: June 18 2021, because I can’t spell)

[fucnhg-slee-p]

Hard times

Robert Pattinson x liza

prompt: something stupid leads to something epic

___


This was it, the stupidest idea you’ve ever had.

“We can call it... uh, No cum december”

“What? That’s the worst name ever!” Rob laughed.

You and robert were having game night and having the oh so normal conversation about how you’ve never actually participated in no nut november and for some god forsaken reason, wanted to try it out.

This conversation would have been quite weird with anyone else but you’re known robert your whole life, and when college came around ended up being roommates, the luck was unbelievable. He was your closest and practically only friend so of course you could talk about things like this without it being weird.

“Okay, well I’d like to see you come up with something better then!” You retorted, laughing.

“Uh...well I don’t know, no cum December is fine i guess” he said chuckling, obviously not being able to come up with a better name

“Ha! Uno!” You said putting your last card down.

“What! That’s not fair, you definitely cheated” rob said jokingly

“Yeah yeah whatever you say.” You laughed while putting the cards away and pull out another game.

—-

By now the games were put away and the two of you were watching tv, cuddling.

“Hey! It’s almost 12. In 20 minutes you wont be able to cum for 31 days” you stated, pointing at the time on your phone. Robert looked away from the tv in order to look at you. “In that case ill be right back..” he quickly got up and you both laughed. “I guess I should take advantage of it too”

Both of you were very open with each other so mentioning that you were going to masturbate wasnt really that weird. the only issue was that right now all you could think about was him.. for most of your life you’ve been in love with him, you’ve been in other relationships but it never felt as good as being around robert so of course none of them lasted. It felt wrong to think of him while you were doing this but you couldn’t help it, especially when you knew what he was doing in the next room.

——

11:59

by now you were both back in the living room as if nothing had happened, talking about how dumb this episode of fresh prince was.

12:00

“It’s twelve now, if either of us fail we have to tell each other” robert said, reaching for the popcorn on the coffee table and eating some. “Yeah we have to be honest about it, no cheating” you replied, taking the bowl from him, leaving robert with just a handful. “Hey!” He exclaimed, mockingly upset that you took his popcorn, he threw his handful at you, laughing.

You retaliated by dumping the bowl on his head, “alright, thats it” robert said moving from his spot on the couch to get closer to you, he put his hands on your waist and started tickling you until you had tears in your eyes from laughing too much and begging him to stop. He was laying above you laughing from how cute you looked.

———

It’s been 6 days and you feel like you’re going crazy, everything he does is the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. You feel like hes doing it on purpose, what an asshole.

After a long day (or week) of studying going from class to class, you just needed to relax but you were constantly on edge and robert was making it much worse. Right now he was just standing by the fridge drinking water but it was somehow the most sexual thing you’d ever seen

“Robert?” You sounded kinda pissed off but you really didn’t mean to

“Yeah?” He took a deep breath after completely finishing the bottle, with some water dripping down to his shirt, what the fuck

“What the fuck are you doing?” You were done with his bullshit, yeah it had only been a week but it was torture especially with the way he was acting

“I’m.. drinking water..” he answered with a confused expression, throwing the empty bottle away and walking towards your spot on the couch

“Ok well stop being annoying” you looked back at your notebook to continue with your studies. “Hey! I didn’t even do anything,” he laughed “i think someone needs to get laid, you’re getting a little frustrated huh?” He teased, only making it worse.

“No im completely fine” you lied “I’m just frustrated with all this shit” you said gesturing to your pile of books. you put your head in your hands “god this is just so hard” you were talking about both situations but if you were being honest the main reason for how stressed you felt was because of this stupid challenge it wasnt even for money or some prize, its literally for no reason.

“I’m sorry Liz, i can help out if you want”

“What?” You quickly looked up at him with a slightly shocked expression that you’re sure he didn’t notice “if you need help with your classes and stuff I’m here for you”

“Oh.” you sighed in both relief and disappointment “no its okay”

“Well if you need me I’m here” he put his hand on your shoulder and it sent a spark through your whole body. “How are you doing with this challenge anyway?” You changed the subject back to the only thing you could think about

“I’m okay, it was really hard for the first few days but now its kinda fun, especially when you think about how it’ll feel at the end of the month, you know? Waiting so long and then finally-“ “ok shut up!” You cut him off, this was all too much. He laughed “uh, do you wanna play Mario kart?” He asked softly, rubbing your back “yeah sure, i think i need a break from this anyway” you smiled at him, making sure not to stare too long.

——

After about 2 hours of playing and him winning almost every time, you ordered pizza and played uno while you waited. The whole time you were stuck on the way his hands moved and how his arms looked so good in the shirt he was wearing, he knew you were half zoned out but he figured you were just stuck thinking about school again.

The knock at the door pulled you from your haze “ill get it, you put the cards away” you said getting up to open the door.

You both ate in a comfortable silence for a while, little did you know he was suffering just as much or worse than you were. At this point you were both shamelessly staring at each other without the other even realizing.

Eventually you realized he was looking you up and down as if you were the only girl in the world and hes been waiting his whole life to have you, you slowly looked away as not to startle him or let him realize you were staring too, or even caught into the fact that he was looking at you with such hunger, which by the way was extremely painful to see from how hot it was.

the tv was quietly playing avatar “if you had a flying bison what would you name it?” You broke the silence

“Hm? Uh.. I don’t know, maybe Bryan”

“That’s an ugly name” you laughed

“Okay well what would you name a flying bison?”

“I would name it robert” you said, forgetting that you were talking to robert

he smiled “aw you’d name him after me?”

your eyes widened subtly “no.. i would just name him robert”

“Yeah ok” he joked, his hand brushed your outer thigh, for a little too long

You inhaled sharply at the sensation. It was only a short moment but it felt like forever and as wild as your thoughts were running it was much much worse now.

You don’t think he even realized how intense that was for you, it must’ve been all in your head, you need to calm down.

———

Now it’d been 10 days, you’re surprised you lasted more than 24 hours, really. But god these last few days have been hell, you’re sure roberts teasing you on purpose, trying to see how long you’ll last when he ‘bumps’ into you or takes his shirt off because ‘it’s too hot’ even though it was freezing. If one more thing happened you were done. You were at the library, trying to catch a break from the stress, listening to music and reading a short novel that caught your attention, sitting in the library always made you feel good. After a few hours of being there you decided it was time to head back to your dorm, on the way there you got a hot tea from the local bakery.

Walking into your dorm you were greeted by robert, sitting on the couch watching some documentary about something stupid. “Hey, i got you a muffin” you said putting your stuff down and taking your coat off. “God its so cold out there”. You handed him the muffen and sat next to him, silently watching the documentary and drinking your tea, figuring out it was about aliens. Without your knowledge he wasnt watching the tv, he was intently watching the way you drank the tea, the way your lips wrapped around the cup was addictive to him. And then it happened, he stretched and you glanced at him from the sudden movement, right then you knew it was over, you took a second look and you could’ve died, his stomach was peaking out from the hem of his shirt and his head was tossed back, showing off his collarbone, and his arms stretched above his head showing off his muscles. You were done. You were completely lost in a trance, staring at him for far too long

“What?” He asked sounding worried.

“I cant do this anymore” you let out a breath you didn’t know you we’re holding. Your eyes trailed down to his lips for a moment and he realized what you meant.

“You need me, don’t you?” You almost whined when he said that, he knew exactly how badly you wanted him, there was no denying it.

You both leaned in slowly, testing the waters before your lips finally crashed together, your whole body felt electric, you were on fire.

Pulling away for a moment, you felt dizzy. Resting your forehead on his to let your lungs catch a break. All you could do was smile “you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that” you said leaning in to kiss him again. It felt just as intense as the first time, he pulled you into his lap without breaking the kiss, your hands gripping into his hair while his hands roamed over your whole body.

He pulled on your bottom lip with his teeth and deepened the kiss, if that was even possible. He rubbed his hands up and down your thighs taking his time to get where you wanted him. “Please” you groaned, desperate for more

Obliging, he started to rub his fingers over your underwear delicately, gradually building pressure “mmh fuck” you moaned into his neck. “I’m already so close”

Suddenly he stopped and pulled away to look into your eyes. “Wake up”

“What?” You asked, voice laced with confusion

“I said, wake up” he said more aggressively this time, reaching to pinch you.

Your eyes opened and you were in bed, out of breath and covered in sweat. “What the fuck” you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and got dressed quickly.

Walking into your shared living area you grabbed a snack and headed out to class — you were running late so you kind of rushed out. On your way there you texted robert, making movie night plans for when you both got back to your dorm.

Every time you closed your eyes you could see everything from your dream so clearly. You were barely hanging on at this point

—

Walking back home was dreadful for a number of reasons, one, it was freezing, two, youd have to see robert and be the way you always are with each other and not accidentally let your feelings slip out

Your phone buzzed

You got a text from robert

“I got Wendy’s, get home asap! I’m gonna eat your food >:)”

Smiling to yourself you sent a quick response warning him not to and started walking faster. Forgetting how hard it was to keep your feelings down, you were just excited to hang out with your best friend for the night, even though you spent most nights together, you were never tired of each other

—

You opened the front door and walked inside “Robert! You better not have ate my food” you yelled through the small apartment

Robert walked out of his room half naked, his only covering being the towel wrapped around his waist. clearly he’d just gotten out of the shower. “Dont worry i waited” he laughed. There’s no way this wasnt on purpose.

“Go put clothes on so we can eat and watch our movie!”

“Why am i distracting you” he smirked, his tone changing drastically. Still standing by the front door He walked up to you caging you between the wall and his body “is it hard for you to focus when I’m practically naked?”

It felt as though all of the air left your body, you closed your eyes for a minute to try to keep your cool— “liza?”

You opened your eyes again and robert was standing in front of you, at a normal distance — fully clothed

“You okay?”

“Yeah sorry, just stressed. Everything’s fine”

These daydreams are fucking brutal

You both ate in a peaceful silence and watched Scott pilgrim. After it was over you were having a regular conversation on the couch

“I think I’m gonna head to bed, its getting late” you said, about to get up.

“Wait” rob stopped you, “i have to tell you something”

He said nothing, just stared at you while trying to figure out the best way to get the words out. “You failed didnt you?” You teased, knowing whatever he had to say was more serious than the stupid bet “no no, thats not it” he chuckled, getting lost in your eyes

He moved a strand of hair out of your face and kept his hand on your cheek. Both of you just staring, too scared to make the first move. “Rob?” He hummed in response, eyes flickering to you lips “what did you want to tell me?”

He leaned in and softly kissed you. Before he could pull away you held onto his face.

“I have a crush on you” he whispered into the kiss, deepening it.

You moaned in response, climbing into his lap “is this real?” You said with desperation. “I hope so” he said putting his lips back into yours, pulling himself off the couch and walking into his room with you in his arms, not breaking the kiss

he gently laid you on his bed and held himself above you, moving his lips down your neck and sucking on a sensitive spot. He tugged at the bottom of your shirt, you sat up to help him get it off and he continued kissing down your body, stopping here and there until he made it to the waistline of your pants, he looked up at you while slowly pulling them down “please” as much as you loved how gentle he was being it was torture to go this slow “patience baby girl” he said kissing over your panties softly, moving them to the side he swiped his fingers through your folds then bringing them to his mouth, licking them clean “so wet already, how long have you wanted this to happen huh?” He said putting his fingers on you again. “Too long” you moaned.

Stopping his movements he pulled his ring off and put it on your finger, then continued his work, sliding his fingers inside of you now, slowly pumping them. “faster please” you cried out, grabbing into his hair. He thankfully started going faster, and faster and holy shit “fuck I’m so close don’t stop” your words were slurring together and you could hardly concentrate on anything going on beside the way his fingers felt “pleasepleaseplease” at this point the only thing coming out of your mouth was a string of cursing and pleas to keep going, and finally after two weeks of barely hanging on you felt so good it almost hurt, but he didnt stop there. He kept going, keeping up with his fast pace and now licking and sucking on your clit, you felt so sensitive it hardly took much to fall over the edge again and he still didnt stop until your third time and you couldn’t feel your legs.

“Holy shit” you said out of breath as he moved up your body to kiss you softly “did i hurt you?” You shook your head in response, moving your hand down his body, “no, you don’t have to”

“I want to”

He stayed hovering over you as you stroked him at an agonizingly slow pace. After a while you pushed him down to lay beside you and you continued to take your time. It felt so intimate. “I love you” you whispered onto his lips as you kissed him. “I love you too” he said with so much admiration in his eyes. You moved your lips down his body and kissed his tip gently “I’m close” he pushed his head into the pillow and squeezed his eyes shut “please. Faster”

You obliged, moving you hand faster and taking him in your mouth, matching the pace of your hand. “Liza” he moaned quietly. You hummed around him in response. “I love you so much”. With a few more strokes he finished and you pulled off oh him, “i love you too” you said laying down on his chest “i cant feel my legs”

“Good” he said, wrapping is arms around you.

[prompt-master]

Would you be willing to share how you might rewrite Yukizome, Sakakura, and Munakata to make them likable characters (if not ppl Bc there’s a big difference)???

ahhhhhhh this ask got me so stupidly excited that I was like wavin my hands around. I think about how to rewrite their characters OFTEN. very often. I’m gonna go with likeable character over likeable people because I think they work better where they’re actually not that likeable people. 

The one I think about the MOST is Munakata. He was SUCH wasted potential and I partially blame the medium for that (a single season anime is too constrained for future, it needed more time and care to be a proper story). But Munakata is actually so close to being a compelling character but they made some MAJOR mistakes with him. This ended up getting really long and more like a 3 page ADHD ramble essay. SO IM VERY SORRY to anyone who cannot read this but TYTYTY if you did because these ideas make me very happy! Oh it’s only about Munakata btw because of how long it got

The thing about Munakata is that he is designed to be a foil to Naegi. In fact a majority of dr3 future FOCUSES on this foil dynamic. It is Naegi’s hope vs Munakata’s hope. The World’s hope vs The FF’s hope. And more importantly it is True Hope vs Corrupted Hope.

This is a fantastic concept...so why didn’t it work in canon? I think that the biggest most glaring issue with Munakata’s hope is his logic. Munakata is meant to be a logical man, although with corrupted morals that lead him astray. Yet in canon his logic is laughably infallible. For example as a major figure in the FF and someone who wants to spread hope....why would he tell Naegi to kill himself? More importantly why does he continue to try and slaughter Naegi? The issue here isn’t from the fact that he wants him dead but from the fact that he is under the IMPRESSION that this entire game is being broadcast to the world.

Think about this for a second. In Munakata’s eyes he is going to kill the Ultimate Hope, an international symbol of a better life, live on TV. He doesn’t just want to kill the Ultimate Hope..he wants to do it BRUTALLY as a MAJOR FIGURE OF THE FF. IMO this should have happened later on as the game furthers the emotional turmoil in Munakata’s head and he eventually snaps and gives in to the desire to kill Naegi despite the fact that this is live. And then there should be CONSEQUENCES for that. I wanted so badly a realization where Munakata realizes that he is hurting the Ultimate Hope in front of what he believes is the entire world. 

Another issue with Munakata’s logic is saying things such as...implying that the HPA KG was...just a game. I mean...people DIED. it's not hard to see how wrong that logic is. you can't say “this is the real world now” when what Naegi experienced WAS the real world. I think that this could be fixed through a bit of world building. DR3 Future is rather isolated from its world. We don’t really know much about the world and its dynamics. I think it would make perfect sense if the general public viewed the HPA KG as a tv show, they got numb to the sight and even those untouched by despair had a hard time connecting that these are REAL people suffering. With this previously established Munakata expressing that the KG was not real would make a lot more sense and play into his corrupted idea of hope. 

There is also Munakata’s connection to his other friends. Now I’ve talked about this before but the game was clearly designed to BREAK Munakata and Naegi. This way the FF would die, both the FF and World’s hope would be broken, and upon seeing this Mitarai would have no choice but to deploy his own forced hope. So it makes perfect sense that Yukizome’s death would break him (in fact if she hadn’t died in that way, her NG code was designed to be Munakata’s fault). But something about it felt...superficial. Again I think this is the mediums fault but it almost feels as though Munakata just forgets about Yukizome until later. I think they should spend more time establishing his pain and what he has lost and why this pushes him to kill. In his eyes if she can die then nothing else matters. It should be THE breaking point, not the first push. I do like the betrayal he feels towards realizing she had despair but it needed more time to fester. 

And his relationship with Sakakura also felt weak. In all honesty it was hard for me to feel as though they were ever friends. Sakakura is written as though he just follows Munakata like a loyal dog and Munakata just orders him around. Establish their relationship more! Why are they such good friends? Why is Sakakura important to him? And more importantly why did Munakata decide to cruelly gut Sakakura knowing he was about to confess? This is because he believed that Sakaura was despair and that his confession was more manipulation, but they didn’t show this well at ALL. Munakata just comes across as a major a-sshole who does not care. I also personally found it distasteful that when changing his heart Munakata only seemed to cry for Yukizome. I understand that was his love interest but Yukizome at the end of the day killed herself. Sakakura however was an unnecessary betrayal he took into his own hands AS HE HIMSELF KILLED HIM. He should have more guilt over that! Not just in that moment where he runs to Sakakura, but ahead of time as well! Maybe even DURING his rampage they could have shown him having moments of guilt but he is so absorbed in the idea that all despairs have to die that he doesn’t even realize he has become despair in the name of hope.

A BIG weakness on Munakata’s part comes with interacting with other characters. He is a man who should know how to take charge, lead, and doesn't know what to do when things are getting too crazy even though he THINKS he does. Munakata is heavily flawed, OBVIOUSLY flawed, but many of the interactions with him are as tho his rampage isnt a big deal. There should be reasons for this! Why do people trust Munakatas guidance so much? I dont know! All ive seen from him is that hes insane! Maybe even pieces where around others hes a lot nicer so you can understand why they follow him, even though hes ready to gut Naegi alive with a flaming katana. His interactions with others feel like the writers just wanted to see the next big evil thing they could think of, but for Munakata’s character this doesn't make sense because he was appointed a high status in the foundation for a reason. Maybe even have people say they disagree with some of his methods but at the end of the day he gets the job done!

There is another major missed opportunity here and it's why Muanakata wants Naegi dead so badly in the first place. The remnants. Hiding terrorists in the apocalypse is a PERFECTLY valid reason to want someone dead and think they're a bad guy! But I think since Naegis initial arrest was already so hostile and violent we get the sense that the FF is simply just...crazy. 

And let’s think about what Munakata WANTS from Naegi. He does not just want Naegi dead he wants something worse. He wants Naegi to suffer first. He thinks that Naegi doesnt understand his own personal pain. He thinks that because Naegi protected the remnants he must also not care about the suffering the remnants caused. He wants Naegi to feel despair and then die. This is important to his corrupted hope. He thinks the suffering must be shared in order to understand who must die, but he is creating a cycle of pain. Tie this back to the broadcasting issue. He wants Naegi to break for everyone to see. I think..and this is just a concept..I think it would have been a great idea for Munkata to force Naegi to watch the despair video so that he has no choice but to understand. 

AND themes are majorly important to Danganronpa. And I don’t think its a stretch to say that there are parallels between Munakata and Naegi. In fact I would say that there are aspects of the og trio in this new trio. I think it would have been really cool if they showed how our favorite trio could have ended up if they had been corrupted as well. But the parrellels dont stick strongly. I think it would have been cool to show a past where Munakata’s idealism lies more strongly than Naegis. As the student council president there was a time where he himself had to use his words to solve problems. Perhaps he learned that sometimes his words made things worse. Munakata does not have Naegi’s talent of emotional intelligence. He is a man of action over words. So he interprets this as WORDS being the problem rather than understanding he does not have these skills. Especially when the apocalypse breaks out, it becomes all action over words. So he sees Naegi who is all talk as a genuine threat who will let everyone die through his “weak ineffective” idea of hope. 

Another parallel could be drawn from the fact that they both have hope based careers. Their job is too keep things hopeful. Maybe Naegi stays safe doing public broadcasted speeches, while Munakata is on the field weeding out despairs. This would cause Munakata to feel as though Naegi is doing no real work yet getting all the credit for being a savior.

Munakata constantly complains that Naegi does not know true pain. But he and we as an audience have followed Naegi through his entire process of trauma. We know he is in the wrong. But what do we as an audience know about Munakata’s suffering? We are shown almost nothing! There are some implications, but for how intense he is implications are not enough. We need to see his suffering. We should see how he has witnessed death. Yukizomes death is not nearly enough for this because he talks as though he has suffered for years. How can we as an audience understand that when we have never seen it? How can we understand Munakata when he is outright denying Naegi’s trauma that we KNOW existed with no proper justification for his reasoning?

I also believe that Munakata should have died. It actually upsets me a bit that he was PLANNED to die but didn't. He should have died protecting Naegi after all that suffering and relentless brutality he offered him. Munakata again is a man of action over word, and protecting Naegi with his last breath is the perfect way to show how in the end he changed. Especially when all he wanted initially was for Naegi to die. I find that much more satisfying than just…...walking off to who knows where.

So lets recap some changes. Munakata needs a proper display of his past traumas and his relationship with Sakakura and Yukizome. Munakata needs a proper display of his work relationships and the respect he has earned. Munakata needs to fall into corruption at a better pace, and have geniune reasons for his illogical attacks on Naegi. Munakata needs to care more for his friends. Munakata needs to deal with the turmoil of wanting to hurt Naegi while he believes the world is watching. Munakata needs to die for Naegi

This has gotten long...and I still have things to say. There is so much to make Munakata a good character. Future had a lot of potential and is amazing for a rewrite concept. As for Sakakura and Yukizome since this has gotten long feel free to ask for another round of this individually when asks are open again! If you read all of this somehow….TYSM

[thewritingstar]

Happy Birthday!!

HOLD THE PHONE. TODAY IS @icyhotheartwritings BIRTHDAY AND I CAN NOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE HER!!!!!!! WE ARE BESTIES AND THIS IS FOR YOU SO I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING BIRTHDAY LOVE BECAUSE YOU DESERVE THE WORLD. 

No joke but you’re one of my fav people that I talk to every day and im so happy that i got the chance to be your friend!!

Pairing: Kiribaku (because duh) 

---

Bakugou could count the amount of people he has ever had a crush on with one hand. And well one finger. At first he found it annoying. How was he suppose to get anything done when the image of a certain someone kept appearing? Maybe it was just that he was constantly around him? That was it. It had to be. 

But slowly he found his mind going back to him over and over. Any time he heard a joke or saw the smallest bit of red, even if it was just a flower or spilt pasta sauce by his mother, he appeared. Focusing was hard because how could you when you wanted to know how those teeth felt against your lips after a hardcore workout and he was so close you could just reach out-

Nope. He couldn’t. 

Being the number one hero was the only goal he had. That was all he saw in his future. The medal of honor around his chest, adoring fans and Deku crying, either from joy or tears of rivalry, which ever came first. But not love. Not a family or a person to come home to after a long mission that wreaked his soul. 

Number one was just that. One and done. Alone. And he was okay with that. 

--

“When did you know mom was the one?” Bakugou said out of the blue during lunch with his father. 

His dad stopped the food before it reached his lips and his eyes widened as his son opened up. It wasn’t rare since they had that bond but a smile popped onto his face as he realized that his explosive son probably had a crush. 

“Well to be honest, it took awhile.” He stated. “It wasn’t until the fifth time she asked me out that I realized that she was the one.” 

“Wait. Mom asked you out?” 

“Yeah. I was focused on my career during college and didn’t really date but I loved being around her. We were great friends and then slowly I realized that I had mistaken our friendship for love.” 

His son fell silent before returning to his food. “So you’re saying that you were best friends then decided to date? What if it ruined what you had?” 

Masaru thought back to all the friends his son had. He never brought up the topic of dating or crushes and this seemed very out of the ordinary for him. The only person he could think of was Kirishima. He was the only person who had visited their house on multiple occasions without the others following behind. Bakugou had even referred to him as his best friend. 

He hid his smile as he thought of the times when his wife and him first started dating. 

“Well that the thing. I was scared to dip my toes in the water. I was scared that I would lose my best friend and that no matter how hard we tried, we could never turn back.” he took a bite. “however the thought of not discovering what it could be was worse. And I’m glad I did because now i have my best friend and a bratty son.” He smirked.

Bakugou smiled too before getting up. “Thanks dad.” 

“Any time.” 

Bakugou walked to his room contemplating what his dad had said. 

Down in the kitchen his dad picked up the phone. “Honey you are not going to believe this.” 

---

Summer was almost over. Class 2A or well now 3A was about to start their new school year in less than a week. It had been crazy as everyone was traveling and hanging out with their friends and of course Kirishima made sure that him and his best bro spent time together. 

They were currently hiking on a trail that Bakugou loved to go to. The other times the whole squad joined but after the chat with his dad, the blond needed to get something off his chest. But as they kept walking further out leaving the world behind, he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to take it. 

“And then Denki chased a rat into a trash can.” Kiri laughed as they paused at the edge of a cliff. He turned and noticed that Bakugou had been quiet the entire story, not even a sly remark or calling someone dumb was said and he noticed that he had spaced out. “Hey bro, you okay?” 

Bakugou was lost in his mind again. “Yeah.” 

But he knew his friend better than that. Kirishima shrugged and sat down, letting his feet dangle over the edge. The sun was almost ready to set and he felt his palms get weird and clammy but he ignored it. Thats what he had been doing for two years. 

Bakugou followed in suit and their shoulders were slightly touching, which made his heart beat faster and it was almost painful. 

“Cant believe we are gonna graduate this year.” Kirishima said in disbelief. “Its crazy how in less than a year, we will be moving on and becoming heroes in no time.” 

“Yeah.”

Kiri barked out a laugh as he tapped his shoulder against his. “You’ll be number one in no time, im sure of it.” 

“And what about you?” Bakugou asked without facing him. “Where will you be?”

“Hopefully fighting alongside with you.”

And that’s all it took. Bakugou sighed before taking a deep breath. 

“Have you ever considered life along side hero work?”

The red head furrowed his eyebrows. “Like dating?”

“Like dating” He repeated. 

“Didn’t know the great Katsuki Bakugou had any thoughts about that stuff.” He faced him and although his tone was playful, Bakugou didn’t miss the sadness that followed. “I’ve always wondered.” Kirishima said honestly. 

I was scared that I would lose my best friend and that no matter how hard we tried, we could never turn back.

Their eyes met and they were only inches apart. If one of them leaned their noses would brush together. 

“Have you?” He asked as he leaned slightly. “I thought being a hero was all you wanted.”

the thought of not discovering what it could be was worse

Their noses touched. He could practically feel the others breathing pause and when he thought about being a hero again, all he could see was the two of them together. 

“I thought so too.” and he closed the gap as he kissed his best friend slowly. 

The tension that had been building up for two years had dissipated. Every unanswered question that was running through their heads had been answered through that kiss. It was slow and hesitant and Bakugou was scared to know if they he had just dug his grave. 

“Wow.” Kirishima breathed as they pulled away. 

Their foreheads rested together as Kirishima intertwined their fingers and Bakugou let him. 

You would think that all the sass and arrogance that followed the blond would be right here in this moment. That he would be on cloud nine because he had the balls to do something so terrifying but rewarding at the same time. 

But he was breathless and calm. It was an ocean of uncertainty and everything he had every thought about had flown out the window. He was a nervous wreak and Kirishima could see that. 

“Hey.” Kiri whispered. “Its okay to be shy and take it slow. im just happy that we finally got our shit together.” 

A small smile lifted his spirits as the red head kissed his cheek. 

“Im happy too.” 

“Then thats all that matters.” 

They sat and watched the sunset before setting up their tent. Bakugou felt like he could breath and his focus became better as he knew that he was meant to always have his best friend, now boyfriend on his mind.

They laid their sleeping bags right next to each other and Kirishima locked their fingers together before kissing his knuckles. “So when do i get to tell people that I’m dating the future number one hero.” He winked and he smiled as the blush crept on the blonds face. 

Bakugou rolled his eyes before leaning over and kissing him softly. Something that he found out he really liked to do. “Fuck it you can tell them that I’m dating the manliest hero anyone has ever seen.” 

“And here I thought you forgot the cussing and turned soft.” 

“Me soft? Never.” 

“Not even for me?” Kiri jokingly batted his eyelashes. 

“Maybe.” 

They spent the rest of the night chatting like usual, the only difference was their hands were clutched together, promising to never let go. 

---

Bakugou could count the amount of people he ever fell in love with on one hand, with one finger. And as the years would pass by and their hero ranks would climb. the golden band sitting on his ring finger would state the truth. 

----

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ICY!!! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR BIRTHDAY FIC (THAT YOU TOLD ME YOU DIDN’T NEED BUT GOT ANYWAYS!!!!

[kpopnonous]

Forever Young | Yoongi x Reader

WARNING: angst, death, sadness,suicide, mentions of sexual activities, cyber bullying.

COUNT: 1.94K

“example of the past/memory”

“example of the lyrics”

“example of the present/now”

So are you happy now?

Finally happy now, yeah?

"Yoongi! Stoooopppp!" You said giggling as you felt his slender fingers running along the side of your ribs

The man looked at you and smile, wholeheartedly, before hugging you.

"If I stop loving you, then I'd be broken" You blushed at his words.

Yoongi always had away with words, even if he didn't put any thought to it, you'd always have a wholesome reaction to them.

You leaned forward and kissed his lips. In return, he did the same as he laid you down to show you just how much he loves you.

Yoongi sat in the front row, holding the boy's hand tightly. Trying to hold himself together.

"You look lovely," He told her. He could faintly see the smile on her face. He moved his finger to put a strand of hair behind her ears.

"Thank you for making me feel loved," She told him, as she lightly kissed his cheeks.

뭐 그대로야 난 다 잃어버린 것 같아

( Well, I’m exactly the same )

( I think I’ve lost everything )

You sat there, reading the comments under your music video that you've released. Being a singer wasn't an easy job. It's even harder when you're dating one of the biggest singers in both Kpop and the International industry.

The comments weren't as positive as you expected it to be. They weren't even talking about the music, they were talking about your relationship with Yoongi. Most saying you're only with him because of his fame, money, and exposure.

It hurts to see that your ' fan base ' can say that they love you but then leave negative comments when they've found out who you've been seeing.

It's not like you're now dating him, you've been dating him for two years but decided to make your relationship public in January, to start the new year off with a positive note, but sadly you were failed.

You cried and cried and cried. Reading every single one until one of the comments really get to you. They were speaking about your ex-relationship, with your ex-boyfriend, who used to constantly abuse you, and rob you of your money.

In March, he made claims stating that you were the abusive one in the relationship and would steal his money for your own personal use. He made those accusations on social media. The matter is still being taken care of in court.

You saw a message from Yoongi, his words trying to comfort you as he can't be with you physically due to being stuck in Korea.

You didn't bother replying. You lay in your bed thinking about what you could have done differently.

A week later, it was April the 4th, the day when BTS would be coming back in the states to visit. You were excited to meet them, especially Yoongi. You needed to feel his hands, his hugs, his mouth on you

You quickly got dressed and headed to the boys house. You bought foods for them.

As you reach the door, you ran quickly to knock on it, you saw Jin first, then greeted them all one by one, leaving Yoongi for last. You walked up to him and hugged him tightly. Feeling the tears spill from your eyes.

He hugged you back tightly as if you'll leave him. You pulled him to your lips and kissed him with Passion as you can hear all the groans and disgust from the boys.

He broke the kiss and says "Lets take this upstairs yeah?"

"Okay," you said as you both head to the room to begin your lovemaking.

Later in the night, you woke and removed the sleeping Yoongi's arms away from you. You got up and grabbed a piece of paper and start writing down words. Words that you feel emotionally.

After you were done you put the note on the desk, went into your bag for some pills and took them. You then went back to bed, kissed his forehead, and went back to sleep.

Yoongi woke up the next morning, smiling as he remembers last night's activities. He pulled your body closer to him as he rests his face into your neck.

"Morning," he said, as he kissed your neck, but you didn't move. He poked your shoulder but you still didn't move.

He raised his body and laid you on your back.

"Hey, Y/N, wake up" But there was no response. He shook your body lightly, then harsh. His eyes started to water at the ideas in his mind.

"HEY HEY WAKE UP PLEASE WAKE UP!" He kept yelling trying to get your body to move, but was disappointed.

Hoseok who was doing a Vlive, saw the comments asking what was the loud noises coming from, he decided to get up and check to see its coming from Yoongis room.

"Y/N GET UP!" Hoseok opened Yoongi's door to see him shaking you roughly and crying. He walked up to him to see you lifeless.

He quickly realized what was going down and went to call the other boys.

The rest of the boys came into the room and saw what was happening, Jin and Namjoon trying to pry Yoongi off of you, Hoseok and Taehyung crying as they try to wake you up, Jimin standing in shock and Jungkook next to the desk with tears into his eyes. He saw the letter and handed it to Yoongi who grabbed it. He opened the letter and read it. After he finishes he burst out in tears for he felt guilt for not helping you.

모든 게 맘대로 왔다가 인사도 없이 떠나

( Everything comes at will and leaves without a goodbye )

The news broke out later that evening. Some fans and news reporters we're following the boys into the hospital. They even bribe the staff for some information.

Yoongi sat in the music studio, writing words after words trying to find the lyrics to make with his new collaboration.

He's trying to find the words to fit the beat of that song and to express how he feels.

' I really love the beat for love yourself! ' he remembers you telling him that. Then instantly words started flowing out, one after the other.

After 5 hours, of writing the lyrics. He emailed the song to the artist that you loved. He knew that you would have loved the song because he made it, he made it because of you. He closes his eyes, thinking about how you would smile whenever you saw his face, he smiled lightly at the memory.

But the smile vanishes quickly as he remembers what happened to you.

"Happy birthday Yoongi!" Everyone said as they watch the gummy smile appear.

You walked up to him and kissed his surprised but smiley face.

"How did you?"

"I have my ways"

Walking into the park, to have a nice quiet evening. You and Yoongi sat on the bench and watch the two couple play with their daughter

"Hmm, when we get older you think we will have a girl?" You asked smiling at the scene.

Yoongi soon joined your reaction and says

"A girl? Please it's going to be a boy"

After winning the AMA, Yoongi quickly rushed the boys to go home so that he could celebrate with you.

"Hyung! Stop rushing! I didn't get to say Hi to Nicki Minja!" Jungkook exclaimed with a whine.

"See you wouldn't understand, what i feel, you'll forever be lonely."

Lonely

That's the one word that hunts him now. He's lonely lost without you. Pathetic.

"Sir I’m sorry, but the autopsy says from a drug overdose. I’m sorry for your losses." The doctor told Yoongi as he keeps breaking down.

Namjoon looked at the doctor confused

"Wait losses?"

The Doctor looked confused for a bit

"You didn't know? She was three weeks pregnant"

The boys were in shock when they heard the news, they all looked at Yoongi who cried even harder when he heard the news.

이대로는 무엇도 사랑하고 싶지 않아

( I don’t want to love anything like this )

"Uh hey vlive how are you?" The boys ask as they made a vlive. The fans noticed the change in the boy's mood. They answered the fans questions about new music and etc. Yoongi mostly zoned out of the whole live until a question came up

'Where's Y/N? Doesn't she lives with you guys? Did her and Yoongi broke up?" That fan must have been clueless as to what took place. The boys looked at Yoongi sadly as he leaned forward towards the camera.

"She was killed by society." A few people have been asking as to what he meant, the ones who know what happened, made comments about how they are sorry and how you shouldn't have been through that.

다 해질 대로 해져버린 기억 속을 여행해

( It’s all done as it gets dark. )

( Travel in the memory )

He got up and left the room, making the boys end the vlive.

Yoongi hugged IU, she smiled sadly at his figure. Small, paler than usual.

"Im sorry for what happened." He smiled at her since she understands and feels what he is feeling since she has lost 3 people she loved a lot.

"Im glad I’m working with you on this." She replied as she patted his back.

"Me too."

He sees you in a white flowery dress, hair loose as the breeze plays with your hair.

He sees your smile, that lovely smile of yours. That smile that could melt away his cold heart.

"What are you doing over there?! Come here!" You shouted to him in a cheerfully  as you put out a hand for him to grab.

He walks closer to you, grabbing your hand. You ran, tugging his hand with you, giggling crazily.

"You're crazy!"

우리는 오렌지 태양 아래 그림자 없이 함께 춤을 춰

( Under an orange sun ) We dance with no shadows )

"And yet you love me!" You said sliding down the hill with him holding onto your waist.

When the ride had ended you pulled him up and ran to the river, Han's river. The first time you guys met.

"For once I’m actually happy," You said as you looked out into the river.

"Hmm? For what?"

정해진 이별 따위는 없어 아름다웠던 그 기억에서 만나

(There is no such thing as decided farewells) ( Meet me in that memory that was once beautiful )

"For you. You were like a gift to me. You've helped me when I thought I've given up. You showed me love, care, and affection. You and the boys. I’m grateful to have people like you guys into my life."Smiles. That's all you've been doing. Smiling.

He runs up to you and holds your face. He looks into your eyes and cries all of the pain out.

"If I had known you were hurting. . . "

All you did was just keep smiling. That’s one thing Yoongi admires about you. How you could smile through the pain

Forever we young

"If you had known, you would have been hurting too. I didn’t want you too. I wanted you to think I was fine. But just remember I love you." You said as you kissed his cheeks. You turned away and waked away from him.

"Wait wait!!"

He opens his eyes and looked around, confused as to what's going on, then smiled at the memory, then angry at what had happened.

He decided to visit the Jamwon Park were you guys last met in Korea before you left. He found a bench and sat on it where you guys normally sit. He looked to the left and saw one of your favorite flowers dancing with the winds.

He smiled as he remembers a few things. One of them is a quote you've said.

"People maybe went, but they always leave traces of themselves behind."

He closes his eyes as he can feel your kisses from the breeze. He opened his eyes and smile, as he will never forget the romance you both shared, for he will always love your existence and for what you had taught him.

이런 악몽이라면 영영 깨지 않을게

( If it is this kind of nightmare, I won't ever wake up)

I hope you guys enjoy this. I’ve been debating if I should post this or due to you know. I love both IU(i fucking love her) and SUGA.(yeah we all know that I admire him) I also admire and respect the one’s who helped create this song. I’ve been looking up to them since their debuted. (i grew up with kpop). Please don’t resolve to this. Seek help.Your actions can affect the one’s who loves you.

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