#but make no mistake i am not going to learn

[azsazz]

Shots & Spins

Hockey!Azriel x Ice Skater!Reader

Summary: Req from @kristijenner19: I saw you were thinking about hockey!AZ because same. How about a fic where she's a figure skater and they're trying to teach each other their respective sports. Imagine poor Az trying to do a spin/jump/twizzle and a reader who can barely ever make a shot into a goal

Bonus points if they switch their skates and have to re-learn how to skate with the new blade

Warnings: Mild panic attack, mentions of readers injury (torn ACL), trauma from coaches (verbal) mentioned.

Word Count: 3088

Other Fics in the Hockey!Az AU: Penance, Shut Out, Out of Order, All's Well That Ends Well, Brr-eakdown

HOCKEY SZN SOON MY LOVES 💙💙

Notes: I swear I meant to make this cuter but of course, I had to give it some angst 😅

_________________________________________

“What is this?” You question. You’re probably being rude, with your nose scrunched in disgust. With the way you’re holding the pair of skates as far away from your body as possible, you’re pretty sure you look like the biggest bitch on all of campus. But for the life of you, you can’t figure out why Azriel has handed you hockey skates.

“They’re skates,” Azriel answers. You rip your glare from the offending skates at his obvious response. Your heart stumbles in your chest at the sight of his pink lips twitching, begging to reveal that grin he spends most of his time expertly hiding.

You don’t even realize you’re leaning closer in anticipation, so eager to see that smile until the hitch of his breath snaps you back to consciousness.

You rock back on your heels so quickly you nearly tumble over. Would tumble over if it weren’t for Azriel’s quick reflexes, his large hands enveloping your waist and steadying you back on your feet.

“Thanks,” you reply flatly, dipping your chin to the ground to hide your flaming cheeks. There’s not an ounce of amusement in your body.

“You’re welcome.” You don’t like the smugness in his tone or the way he’s playing with you. Tilting your face back up, you muster all the annoyance lancing through your veins at his retort, shooting him the nastiest glare.

“That’s not what I meant, Az, and you know it. Why am I holding a pair of hockey skates?”

Azriel sits on the bench beside the empty arena, and you want to pout. Why would you want to spend any more time at the rink than you already do? You’re bone-fucking-tired and your knee is feeling stiff. You overdid it in practice this week, trying to get back into the shape you were in before the time you’d been forced to take off, and it’s hitting you hard. All you really want to do is crawl home, roll out your muscles, and dive into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

When you don’t join Azriel, he says, with a humor you don’t feel, “Don’t tell me you forgot about our little bet. Or how you so gracefully lost it.”

Of course you hadn’t forgotten. Who could forget losing at something as simple as a race across the arena? Afterwards, you tried to blame it on the differences in the ice, how it was colder and harder than you were used to, as it was prepared for the hockey team’s game later that weekend.

A rookie mistake, honestly. One that you’ve been kicking yourself over up until this very moment. Well, if you could kick with your injured leg, that is, you’d be doing just that.

You grind your teeth as a memory rises to the forefront of your mind. Your coach’s voice rings in your head, shrill and reprimanding. Why would you take such foolish chances? You need to get your head in your sport or you’re never going to make it on the Olympic team, let alone the University team.

Shame presses down on you, and your eyes prick at the criticism you should be used to by now. Your private coach from your time before Velaris University, Amarantha, had been very creative with her insults, always coming up with comments worse and harsher to cut down any semblance of confidence you had in your sport.

You bet she’s thrilled that you won’t be back in her presence until you’re healed enough. If you heal enough to relearn the very trick that took you out of the running for the Olympic team in the first place.

It must be a thing, coaches insulting their prodigies. You glance at Azriel from the corner of your eye and wonder if his coach is the same way. If Rhys is brutal with his teammates.

And you hate losing. It was Azriel who you wished forgotten about the bet you’d so stupidly agreed to, but here he is, wearing the same look that got you into this position in the first place.

You take your time studying him as you mull over how to get out of this. Azriel’s broad shoulders take up the space of two people, and his deep, dark hair falls over his brow, growing out into the perfect flow all the players seem to be sporting right now. You wonder if it’s superstition or they actually like the look. His thick lashes sweep as he bats them, and your cheeks take on a pink hue as he pretends to preen under your attention.

“Look,” he all but sighs, giving up his act. He leans back, reaching over to grab something out of sight. When Azriel rightens himself, he holds a pair of figure skates, a sheepish smile on his face. The apples of his cheeks mottle with pink. “I got myself figure skates, so we can both look like fools out there. Together.”

Fuck. The sentiment makes your throat tighten. He doesn’t have to be so damn thoughtful, you’re hardly even friends for Mother’s sake.

“Fine,” you manage when you can speak again. You plop onto the bench beside him. Your knee throbs dully in protest, but it’s nothing you haven’t been able to smother before. You’ve worked through worse conditions than hockey prepped ice, have skated in casts and aches so deep you weren’t sure you’d be able to compete at all if it weren’t for your raw love for the sport and your brutal stubbornness, holding yourself to the highest of standards.

And it’s not like you’re going to be doing your usual tricks. No, that’s all Azriel. All you have to manage is a few forward spirals, twizzles, and perhaps an axel just to show off a little, because there’s no way he’ll be able to recreate all of that in one go.

You just hope your knee stays steady for a few more hours.

The both of you lace your shoes in silence. The hockey skates are so different from your figure skates, you note. The blade is much thicker than you’re used to, more curved too. The boots are shorter, and you grimace at the lack of ankle support.

Not to mention you’re not entirely sure how well you’ll be able to stop without your toe pick.

Azriel leads you to the ice. You step on tentatively, giving the new skates a test. They have a lot more give than you’re used to. They’re not as snug, but easy enough to navigate. Muscle memory kicks in and after a few sluggish runs up and down the ice, you think you’ve gotten the hang of it.

The rest of this bet should be a breeze, especially compared to how Azriel is faring.

His face is contorted with a concentrated frown. He looks stiff as a fucking board, which make you giggle and him complain about. “How the hell do you wear these things? I can barely even move my ankles!”

“Practice makes perfect, young Padawon,” you tease, testing how best to shift your weight on the new blades. The pressure on your knee isn’t terrible, thanks to the looseness of the hockey skates.

“Yeah, yeah,” Azriel waves you off. He trails behind you at a slower rate, focused on getting used to the stiffness of the figure skates on his feet. “Just wait until we scrimmage.”

Ugh, no thanks. This is just perfect for you, the both of you out on the open ice, all alone. You don’t want to ruin this peaceful bliss by bringing your competitive personalities into it.

“I knew if we raced under different conditions I’d have won!” You exclaim, zipping past Azriel again, showing off. He glares playfully, but you’re much too busy admiring your skates to notice the way he’s tucked his lip between his teeth, hiding a satisfied grin.

His toe pick digs into the ice, grinding down as he gets a feeling for the foreign piece, but his eyes stay glued on you.

“Ready for a stick and gloves already, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know,” you throw a smirk back in his direction, crossing your arms over your chest and cocking a brow. “You ready for twizzling?”

“Twizzlers?”

You roll your eyes at his lame joke, but your heart still skips at his wry smile. It’s more than cute. You push off your blade, moving closer to him.

Which is fine, until you try to use your toe pick to stop, only for the realization to hit that there isn’t one on these skates.

You go barreling into Azriel, who catches you in his arms. Your motion throws him off balance and before you even have the chance to squeeze your eyes shut and brace yourself, you’re both falling to the ice.

Azriel hits with a grunt that reverberates through your bones. You’d think that Azriel breaking your landing would be less painful than it is, but with the way the muscle is packed on his body, he’s just as hard as the ice that’s no longer beneath your feet.

“Sorry,” you cringe. It comes out breathless and embarrassment flushes your cheeks, but you’re frozen to your spot and all too aware of how his large, warm hands are wrapped firmly around your waist.

“No worries.” Your lashes flutter as his breathy whisper caresses your face. He’s probably just winded, that’s why he sounds like that. Yes, that’s exactly what it is. “Didn’t think to remind you how to stop.”

“I know how to stop,” you argue, but there’s none of your usual fire tainting the words. You can’t even muster one of your famous glares that you reserve for the normally broody hockey player. You break eye contact as the humiliation begins creeping in. You scratch your nail distractedly down the waffled fabric of his olive colored henley. “I just…forgot, I guess.”

The hitching of his breath in his chest shifts your body and you jolt, the situation slamming into you like a truck.

You scramble off Azriel, grimacing at the sound of your blades clinking against his. His grip loosens, hands falling away as you slip to the ice beside him.

You shoot to your knees, then not-so-carefully climb to your feet. Azriel holds his hands out from where he’s still lying on the ground, like he’s more than ready to catch you again should you fall.

You’re positive the heat of your cheeks could melt the entire arena’s ice right now. You need to get the fuck out of here before you embarrass yourself further. You need to never show your face around here again. You’ve already transferred schools once, what’s one more time?

Azriel calls your name, but you hardly hear him over your racing thoughts. If the sheer embarrassment wasn’t enough, Coach Weaver’s voice now fills the rest of your head, screeching about your recklessness and how you could’ve injured yourself—

He’s quicker than you thought, or you’ve been trapped in your mortified headspace for too long because Azriel’s on his feet, towering over you and pulling you into his chest.

“I’m sorry,” your voice trembles and his hands tighten around you. He lets you bury your face into his chest and pretends not to notice the tears dampening the fabric of his shirt. You’re fucking trembling, and his heart is pounding just as hard.

This is all his fault.

“Breathe, sweetheart, breathe,” he tries to console. He looks around frantically, like one of the sports therapist students or coaches might be walking past the rinks this late at night. There’s no soul in the building besides the both of you, everyone resting for their busy weekends of competitions and away hockey games. “Please.”

You focus on his words, how he guides you, three seconds in, three seconds out. You focus on the soothing patterns he’s drawing down your back, focus on the beating of his heart and latch onto his scent: night-chilled mist and cedar.

“Sorry,” you croak when you finally manage to calm yourself and slide a step back. Your gaze sits pointedly on the ice. You don’t want him to see you like this, a woman who’s about to fucking crumble.

“Don’t be,” Azriel says softly. His hand finds your face, and as much as you don’t want him to, he lifts your chin. You don’t fight it, emotionally exhausted. You should have asked for a raincheck, but you can admit to the fact that Azriel’s gentle touch is a comfort that you can’t help but lean into.

Sad, hazel eyes meet yours. They’re more golden brown than green, a forest of hues backlit by a burst of gold. Your breath hitches as he drags a thumb softly across your lips. They part, even though you don’t mean them to, and the whisper of breath that leaves you passes over his hand, crawls up his arm, and sends shivers down his spine.

“You okay there, sweetheart?”

You’re not sure you can hold yourself together enough to answer his question without completely melting into a puddle at his feet.

Your silence must be answer enough. Azriel takes both of your hands in his own and guides you back toward the bench where you left your shoes. His grip is reassuring, and you’re so tired that you don’t even have it in yourself to sling a witty remark his way.

For what might be the first time in your life, you allow yourself to be taken care of.

You can’t even muster a chuckle at the way he stumbles over the toe pick on his way off the ice, or the way you’re waddling in these skates. You feel anything but graceful and strong right now, but with Azriel’s hand in yours, it’s not as off-putting as you feared it might be.

“Sit,” he says, keeping his fingers clasped around yours as you heed his command. It brings you eye-level to his hands, puckered and pink and scarred to hell. They’re beautiful in every way. He embraces his story, and it’s an incredible strength, one you’re much too terrified of attempting to recreate.

“Azriel, no,” you protest, jolting forward when he lowers himself to his knees before you. You plant your hands on his shoulders, ready to force him away because you’re more than capable of taking your own skates off.

He catches your wrists, and you didn’t think his eyes could soften any more, but they do, and you melt. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Let me take care of this for you.”

You try to swallow past the knot in your throat to thank him but are unable to. Instead, you nod and reluctantly sit back.

Azriel’s gentle with his movements, like you’re a wild doe that he’s helping free from a snare. He unties the tight knots, and your heart pinches when he struggles for a moment. You wouldn’t notice if you weren’t watching so intently, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

Like he knows you need to see this.

You carefully keep your mind from wandering into how good he looks like this before you.

He slips the first skate off, and you stretch your toes. It’s a reflex. Azriel smiles, peeking up at you just in time to catch your blush. His gaze ducks away before you become embarrassed, setting your foot down and holding your other ankle, lifting to get to work.

You hiss softly at the ache in your knee.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Concern laces his voice, and you’re quick to reassure him.

“No, no,” you cringe a little at the lingering sting. “It’s nothing.”

“Sweetheart.” Azriel says sternly. Seriously. “That reaction wasn’t nothing. What’s wrong?”

You sigh, defeated in more ways than one. You don’t want to admit that the injury that threw your entire career off-kilter is acting up again. You’d rather not have anyone know.

Perhaps Azriel is different. Or, maybe he’s forcing you, because the gold in his eyes is intense, pinning you to your spot. His mouth is set in a straight, firm line. He looks like he means fucking business.

You avert your gaze. You’ve never admitted defeat like this, but if Azriel can wear his scars so proudly, maybe you can too.

“I tore my ACL a few months ago.” You admit, sniffling. You can feel the shock in Azriel’s gaze, but you refuse to look him in the eye. He’s the first person at this school outside of your coach who’s hearing it. You’ve never been so vulnerable, especially with someone you hardly know. You press on nonetheless. “It’s been fine up until now.” A white lie. “But it’s been a little sore since I started practicing my jumps again.”

“How many months is ‘a few’?” He questions, and he’s not going to like the answer, so you opt for brushing over it.

“I’ll go back to seeing my therapist,” you offer instead, but even you’re not too sure how much truth your words hold.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Azriel says, and you don’t want his sympathy, but you’re too exhausted for your usual anger to stir to life. “You need to take care of yourself, before it gets any worse.”

His sentiment has your nose stinging, eyes prickling once again. What the fuck is wrong with you these days? Get it together, girl. You can cry in your own room, not in front of the hot boy who’s helping you with your godsdamned shoes.

You drag your gaze back to his. “I will.” You think.

He studies you for a moment before nodding, accepting your answer whether he believes it or not. You don’t have it in yourself to care right now. No, you just want to be back in the safety of your dorm.

Azriel is even more careful removing this skate and helping you slip into your shoes. He makes quick work of his own, and while his head is down, you admire his stature. Broad shoulders and chest that tapers into a tight waist, an ass for days.

You’re not done drooling over him when he stands, offering you a hand.

You slip your palm into his, ignoring the electricity that zips down your arm. You’re hyperaware of him by your side, and it’s only when he’s absolutely sure that you’re steady on your feet that he drops your hand.

You try not to feel too disappointed at the loss.

“Let’s get you home, sweetheart,” Azriel offers, and you trail him from the arena, your heart feeling a bit fuller with the nickname.

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Azriel Hockey!AU Tags:

@whyonearthisyourusernamethi-blog @going-through-shit @crazylokonugget @lilah-asteria @girl-who-writes-stuff @moosemahboi @sherayuki @lyinginameadow @acourtofatboydreams @blackthorngirl @shadowsingercassia @evergreenlark @hannzoaks @bloodicka @whyshouldihaveanam3 @elle4404 @cherry-cin @quinzzelx @i-am-infinite @feeriqueivre @blightyblinders @kennedy-brooke @nyxbranwenn @dee-writes-smut @konaanaria13

[justjudethoughts]

In Defense of Peter Pevensie. Originally written in response to accusations of Peter being "less complex" than other Narnia characters

If King Lune is the embodiment of masculinity as father, then Peter is the embodiment of masculinity brother. As High King, he becomes the brother of his people, but those seeds were sown in his own family. 

From the very beginning of the story Peter is the leader of the Pevensie children, a job he evidently takes very seriously. But, unlike a lot of eldest siblings, he doesn’t use his status and power as a means to swagger around and lord it over the others. Quite the opposite, actually. It is immediately clear that one of Peter’s main functions in the Pevensie family is cheerleader of his siblings. This is shown not only in his open praise of their talents (for example, he hypes up Susan’s talent of archery in PC and cheers on Lucy for having been right after none of them believed her), but also generally tries to keep them in high spirits. 

Take the context of LWW. The Pevensies are sent to the countryside because of air raids. They are going into a strange house with a strange man because the Germans are obliterating everything the children have ever known or called home. All of them are scared, Edmund’s bullying Lucy, and Lucy may or may not be going insane. But Peter can’t show any of them that fear, because he’s the oldest. They can’t know he’s scared, so he puts a bold face on it. One of the first things he says in LWW is “We’ve landed on our feet and no mistake” when he looks at the big house. He argues they are going to have a delightful summer after all. The next day, when the others are disheartened by the rain, he suggests they explore the house.

As the years go on, Peter earns the title “Magnificent.” In this, Peter truly embodies the  JPII quote, “the ultimate test of your greatness is the way you treat every human being.” He has a bleeding heart for the least of these, but in an unassuming, humble way. Peter is not a man of pomp and circumstance. He has a servant’s heart, perhaps most evident in PC. 

Upon returning to Narnia and learning of Caspian’s plight, he immediately makes it known that he has no intention of replacing Caspian. “I haven’t come to take your place, but to put you in it” is among the first things he says to his new friend. This isn’t about winning fame or glory or reliving the old days. This is about making right what was wrong. 

He is generous with the Narnia creatures, even when they are a bit silly. When trying to pick a Marshall, he suggests the Giant Wimbleweather. Caspian warns him that the giant isn’t very smart, to which Peter responds, “Of course not. But any giant looks impressive if only he will keep quiet. And it will cheer him up.” Part of his reasoning is simply the injured feelings of poor Wimbleweather who earlier entirely messed up an important battle.  The following conversation also takes place while they are searching for a Marshall. Reepicheep offers his assistance:

"I am afraid it would not do," said Peter very gravely. "Some humans are afraid of mice——"

"I had observed it, Sire," said Reepicheep.

"And it would not be quite fair to Miraz," Peter continued, "to have in sight anything that might abate the edge of his courage."

Instead of embarrass and insult Reepicheep by explaining that he is far too small and unassuming for such a job, he appeals rather to humans' fear of mice. Even while battle prepping, his is concerned about the hearts of his people. Bulgy Bear, too, he allows to be a Marshall, as it is the right of bears, no matter how silly they are. 

Peter understands that duty means doing what is right, regardless of how it makes you feel. His first battle happens because Susan and Lucy are being chased by the wolves. When he hears Susan’s horn, he runs to help her. The book says, “Peter did not feel very brave; indeed, he felt he was going to be sick. But that made no difference to what he had to do.” His sisters needed him. And so he showed up. The same is true in PC, when he engages Miraz in single combat. Edmund asks if he can beat Miraz. Peter responds that he is fighting to find out. He goes in completely unsure that he is ever going to see his family again, but he does it anyway. Because Narnia needs him. Caspian needs him. His people need him. And his feelings aren’t the deciding factor. 

When he makes mistakes, he owns up to them. In LWW, when the children plead before Aslan on Edmund’s behalf, Peter blames himself for being too hard on Edmund. In PC, when they finally see Aslan, he apologizes for having led them wrong the whole time. He is always trying to do his very best and falling short like the rest of us. But he accepts his fault with humility, gets back up and tries again. 

By the Last Battle, we get to see Peter in his truest form. Even though he has been in England for years, when the seven friends see what looks like a ghost, he is the one who stands up and orders it to speak. Clad in his suspenders and button-down shirt, Peter is once more High King. “Shadow or spirit or whatever you are," he says, "If you are from Narnia, I charge you in the name of Aslan, speak to me. I am Peter the High King." And when night falls on Narnia for the last time it is Peter, once so scared to speak to Aslan (and even attempted to make Susan do it for him) that shuts the door. It is Peter that jests with Lucy when she weeps for Narnia, trying to lighten the mood. It is Peter that she turns to, time and time again, with her questions. It is Peter that Lucy, and all of the other friends of Narnia, trust to lead them. 

It is also Peter, who, “shortly and gravely” tells Tirian about the fall of Susan. Because he has to. Because here he is, once again, the eldest, the leader. Here he is once again faced with the unpleasant task of shouldering the burden for others. But he won’t make Edmund or Lucy explain (in fact, they don’t say anything about Susan). Peter takes that pain for them, forces himself to form words. Perhaps, deep down, he blames himself. He always was a bleeding heart. 

There are so many other things I didn’t include. I could talk about how Peter immediately offers to help Tumnus, simply because he did the decent thing and didn’t kidnap Lucy. Or his beautiful, redeemed relationship with Edmund. I could talk about all the times he is a rock for Susan, or his steady leadership despite his own hesitation. But really and truly, my point amounts to this: Peter is a brother. He is steady and humble and down to earth. He is brave. He is chivalrous and courteous and overflowing with affirmation for those he loves. He is a servant heart. 

When I think of Peter, I think of carpentry and the honesty of working with your hands. I think of campfires and a night sky full of stars, and the feeling of warm flannel. I think of laughter and 19th century books for boys, and tomes upon tomes of Latin. I think of warm drinks, hot cocoa or coffee or tea, and the safety of home. It is home I think of most of all. 

[girlwithrituals]

101 ways to improve self esteem

1) Master a new skill.

2) List your accomplishments.

3) Do something creative.

4) Challenge your limiting beliefs.

5) Talk to a counselor.

6) Don't worry about what others think.

7) Read or watch something inspirational.

8) Stay true to your character.

9) Let go of negative people.

10) Set healthy boundaries with others.

11) Care about your appearance.

12) Welcome failure as part of growth.

13) Be a lifelong learner.

14) Face your fears.

15) Become a mentor.

16) Accept compliments.

17) Eliminate self-criticism.

18) Practice coping skills to manage stress and big emotions.

19) Notice negative thoughts and beliefs.

20) Challenge negative thinking.

21) Think about what you learned from negative experiences.

22) Practice gratitude.

23) Exercise.

24) Eat healthy and limit junk food.

25) Get good sleep.

26) Spend time with positive and supportive people.

27) Encourage yourself.

28) Write a list of your strengths.

29) Don't compare yourself to others.

30) Avoid perfectionism.

31) Do at least one positive, enjoyable activity every day.

32) Celebrate small victories.

33) Be helpful and considerate to others.

34) Be honest with yourself and others.

35) Accept your flaws.

36) Don't give up.

37) Practice self-care.

38) Go easy on yourself.

39) Practice being assertive.

40) Practice saying "No".

41) Practice relaxation techniques.

42) Take on challenges.

43) Volunteer to help others.

44) Forgive others and yourself.

45) Set goals and work toward them step by step.

46) Seek balance in all areas of your life.

47) Discover your passions and purpose

48) Groom yourself.

49) Dress nicely.

50) Be kind and generous to others.

51) Practice good posture.

52) Change a small habit.

53) Smile.

54) Don't procrastinate.

55) Don't take things personal.

56) Organize your personal space.

57) Challenge unkind thoughts about yourself.

58) Spend time outside.

59) Notice the good things.

60) Celebrate your successes

61) Write a list of things you like about yourself.

62) Don't take too much on.

63) Do something for yourself every day.

64) Develop daily habits.

65) Remind yourself it's okay if not everyone likes you.

66) Practice mindfulness.

67) Learn to tolerate discomfort.

68) Use problem-solving skills.

69) Take responsibility instead of blaming.

Tell Yourself Positive Affirmations Such As:

70) I am grateful for every day.

71) I am worthy of happiness and love.

72) I am in charge of my own happiness.

73) I love, respect, and believe in myself.

74) I deserve to be happy and successful.

75) I approve of myself, right here and now.

76) I am learning and changing for the better.

77) I accept 100% responsibility for my own life.

78) Every day in every way, I am getting better and better.

79) I can learn to accept the parts of myself that I don't like.

80) I am thankful for my challenges as they make me a stronger person.

81) Write down three positives about each day.

82) Make a collage with your talents, goals, and dreams.

83) Practice laughing.

84) Be proud of yourself.

85) Say mistakes are an opportunity to learn.

86) Show respect to yourself and others.

87) Resolve conflict peacefully.

88) Ask for help or support.

89) Complete a daily task list.

90) Have a growth mindset.

91) Be optimistic.

92) Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.

93) Focus on the things you have control over and can change.

94) Get started on tasks you have been putting off.

95) Practice good daily hygiene.

96) Focus on solutions not problems.

97) Talk about your feelings with someone you trust.

98) Drink plenty of water.

99) Start a new hobby or join a club/sport.

100) Do random acts of kindness.

101) Create a dreams list.

[saturndoesnotsleep]

To Silver Lining CatNap:

1_Hello, Theo, How are you and your days?

2_ what are you favorite food And hobbies?

3_Just know that I'm rooting for everything to be okay between you, Sam, and everyone else there, okay? you're more special than you think, kitty.

Oh wow, it's been a while

I'm sorry that it took me so long to answer ;4; I'm very bad at multitasking

Theo thanks you for your kind words uwu (He's certainly going to need them, but shhhh)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Note: I am not fluent in ASL. Please feel free to let me know if I make any mistakes. I always try to double check the signs on different sites just in case, and I do plan on learning ASL eventually. But in the meantime, feedback is more than welcome 💖

[glisten-inthedark]

You wanna know what gives me confidence for Byler? The show.

That's it.

Because I promise you, if you watch the show objectively everything is there. You don't even have to look at camera angles, lighting, or signs that point towards closets, the information you need is there.

And it isn't even shit people made up (****** I'm looking at you, even though I ship it). It's there, I fucking saw it before even shipping it.

And at first, I assumed I was seeing shit. To be honest I mostly brushed it off, but when we found out that Will was gay and in love with Mike, it clicked.

My favorite mental exercise is: If Will was a girl, how would you perceive their scenes? All you have to do it's switch up their genders and it's not even up for debate because we all know everyone would eat that shit up.

I mean, a boy relentlessly looks for a girl in the woods, stays by this girl' side, tells her they'll go crazy together while touching her hand, tells her that asking her to be his his friend was the best thing he's ever done, fights with her but actually tries to apologize, then we find that said girl has been in love with her friend but it's lying so that this friend could be happy. Tell me that if this was the case there wouldn't be like 30000 fics of that couple on Ao3 and millions of people begging the showrunners to make them canon? Tell me, I fucking dare you.

And at this point I'm like a broken record but I am going to repeat myself.

WILL BYERS BEING IN LOVE WITH MIKE WHEELER does not make a difference to the plot. It doesn't.

He could have been gay and not be in love. If the life lesson was: "Will has to learn to accept himself as gay, and to love himself and understand he isn't a mistake" they could've done without the love. They could've given him exploring that part of himself in California, they could've presented another gay character that taught him that.

They could've fixed El and Mike's relationship without Will's love. We've seen them doing it before. Will could've helped by just being Mike's friend.

So can we ask ourselves this itsy bitsy question: Why make Will in love with Mike in the first place? Why make him say not once, but twice, that he and Mike could play DnD together for the rest of their lives which, if you're not good at subtext, means he sees himself with Mike by his side as long as he lives if all they're going to do is bring him more misery?

Because I'm going to be honest, with the way they wrote this love Will has, they literally didn't gave themselves a easy way out. They made sure we knew it was real, it was unconditional and that it would never change. We didn't make it up, they gave us that information with their writing.

So again, ask yourselves why that is.

Because whatever non Byler explanation I try to come up with doesn't make sense.

Queerbaiting? More like Bylerbaiting at this point considering Will is gay and again, he could've been in love with anyone else or not be a queer character experiencing love at all.

Make Mil*even stronger? It literally did the opposite, the ship is going down in flames and we all know it. Their relationship isn't healthy, El's arc isn't about romantic love and the painting which was the only reason Mike proclaimed the romantic love he doesn't feel literally came from Will.

So... Again. Why?

[paulyenvol6]

Byka Atroksia (Chapter 5)

Contains: Kissing, Mentions of smut, Daemon being a little invasive

Masterlist of this story

Wordcount: ~2.23k

"Your mother would have been outraged, how could you do this, Vhaela?" You dropped your gaze and closed your eyes.

"This was dangerous, irresponsible and stupid. You could have been hurt, raped, murdered, captured. I would never have thought that someone like you would do such a thing."

"I’m sorry, father. I really am." He rubbed his eyes and his hand tightly had grabbed his desk.

"You simply can’t do such things, daughter. I was so worried about you when I saw you were missing in the morrow."

"I will NEVER do it again, father. I promise. It was a mistake and I’m fully aware that I acted a fool." Your father walked towards you and pulled you into a hug.

"I can’t lose you, daughter. And I don’t want to ever see you hurt. I don’t even know how I’m gonna be able to let you go into marriage.", he chuckled. "I can’t let you go and give some lord the responsibility to protect you." He put his hands on your shoulders and watched you thoroughly. "You’re my sunshine, Vhaela and I fear that if I don’t protect you with all I have you're gonna get harmed."

You took his hand. "No father, I’m not. I’m not 10 anymore, I can look out for myself."

The King sighed. "I know. But it’s hard with you. I’m not saying that you’re… weak or anything. You’re made of fire, daughter, just like you’re sister. But I’ve always felt that you’re too pure and gentle for this cruel world." He patted your hand one last time and then walked to his desk.

"Ser Lawsen, send for my brother. I think he needs a reminder of what protecting his nieces means."

You froze and wanted to slap yourself. Now you had to watch Daemon getting shouted at for something he hadn’t done. You just hoped he would understand what this was about and play along as you hadn’t been able to tell him about the story you had invented yet.

The king’s guard nodded and left the room. Only a few minutes later the door opened again and Ser Lawsen dragged your uncle with him who authentically looked like as if he had just woken up. The guard pulled him in front of your father and then positioned himself by the door again. Daemon yawned loudly.

"Brother." Viserys walked towards him and roughly grabbed his upper arm. You could see in your uncle’s reaction that he was thinking. He didn’t know yet what the King knew and had to observe in Viserys‘ action to see if he had learned about a made – up story told by you or somehow managed to find out about the truth.

"I would’ve expected more of you, Daemon. She is a young girl and even though she was still inside the keep, you shouldn’t leave your niece alone in the dark. Dangers lie everywhere and you should’ve stayed with Vhaela and then escort her back inside to make sure she safely gets into her bed. Especially considering what she has done instead."

Daemon and your gaze met for the first time and he watched you with small eyes. "What has she done instead?", he asked. The king wrinkled his nose and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Vhaela sneaked in the city last night. Alone and without guards protecting her. She only just returned from her late night adventures."

"Mhmm.", his brother made and his eyes remained on you. "That’s unfortunate."

Viserys let out a grunt and loosened his grip on Daemon’s arm. "Ha, I should’ve known that you don’t find this in any way worrying." Your uncle raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms as well.

"Oh I do find it worrying. That’s no fine behaviour for a young Princess. After all I care about my nieces. Very much so."

Viserys rolled his eyes. "Brother. One day you’ll make me go crazy. If Vhaela won’t have done the job already." Your father looked at you meaningful again and for the first time you raised your voice.

"As I promised you already, I won’t ever do it again."

Viserys shook his head. "I had hoped that you, daughter would simply come after me. We shall see if your influence on her, Daemon has been too significant."

Daemon’s eyes remained on you and you could see a slight smirk on his lips, but then he looked at Viserys again and lowered his head. "Apologies, your grace. I’ll look after her better the next time."

Your father didn’t know what to say anymore and made a hand gesture that signaled him to leave. "Yes you will. Otherwise I…. Oh I don’t know, go now, brother."

Daemon's eyen now wandered to look at you again. His eyes glistened and his mouth changed to a grin. "Princess."

With these words your uncle turned around and left the room and you realised you had held your breath the last seconds. So you exhaled as quiet as possible while your father walked around in his chambers. "May I go now, father?" "Yes, yes. You can go as well."

So you left the room, went to your chambers as quickly as possible and tried to get a clear head at last.

~~~~~~~~~~

Three days later

It was a quiet night with the exact right temperature. The hours during daylight had been uncomfortably hot but now as darkness overshadowed the city, it was a pleasant evening.

You sat between your sister and your uncle at dinner and listened to the King discussing political matters with his hand, lord Niclas Tully and several other lords of the small council. You silently ate your salad and tried not to be distraced by your uncle’s presence right next to you. The last days you hadn’t seen him a lot. Obviously now that he was back in the city he had gone out to see a lot of friends and business partners who had welcomed him back so you hadn’t wondered about what he had been doing. But now you sat there next to him and it seemed like his mere presence lightened a fire in you. You had avoided his gaze and tried not to look at him a second too long. It was simply… odd for you after everything that had happened between you.

"So I guess that a marriage proposal would be appropriate. Vaegon shall be betrothed to Evya Tyrell to strenghten our houses‘ bond."

"I see it exactly the same way, your grace. Lord Colren will be pleased to see his daughter betrothed to a Targaryen after the fiasco with Maenor and Brune."

"Well… we have to speak about the Braavos situation now, your grace." "Oh not tonight, Lord Ellion."

"My king, they won’t accept the new borders. And our laws, in fact. They won’t accept our representants as their rulers."

You zoomed out again and focused on the lettuce leaf on your plate until Rhaenyra whispered to you.

"How much longer to you attempt to watch this leaf, sister?" You turned to her confused until you understood what she was talking about. You quickly speared the leaf with your fork and shoved it into your mouth. Rhaenyra watched you with raised eyebrows. "Are you quite alright, Vhae?"

"Yes. I’m simply exhausted and would like to go to bed soon."

"You know that father won’t let you. Not with the hand and the other lords attending tonight’s dining." You nodded and once again watched your plate. "I know."

You sat through the dinner though feeling not tired at all. You were tense and nervous but it only had to do with the person to your left. Then after every plate was empty and the guests held their fully bellys, Viserys stood up and smiled at the small group.

"Thank you all for this lovely evening. Lord Niclas, Ellion, Vamyx." The three lords lowered their heads and everyone got up while the King left the room.

One after one walked out not without greeting your sister, Daemon and you and then the three of you walked towards the door as well. You quickly looked at your sister and uncle and smiled softly.

"Good night, sister. Uncle." Then you turned around and headed to your chambers. It was dark in the corridors and only now and then the moon shined through a window. The only sound you heard were your steps on the stone ground and you felt peaceful like this. But then, suddenly you felt someone close behind you, wrapping an arm around your upper body and pulling you into a room. You wanted to scream but a hand was pressed on your mouth. For a moment you panicked but then…. You recognised the smell of the person and widened your eyes.

"Daemon.", you said against his hand but it was surpressed. Then he let go of you and you almost stumbled. You looked around trying to get some orientation and saw that he had pulled you into the small council chamber.

"Daemon, what - You can’t scare me like this." Your uncle smirked and came closer to you. "Forgive me, little owl. I simply didn’t want us to be seen together so I had to be quick." His hand connected with your cheek and he moved the hair out of your face.

"Daemon.", you whispered and put your hand on his‘. He took another step in your direction to push you towards the big table in the middle of the room. "Daemon, we can’t do this." His lips brushed over yours and your pulse rose.

"Mhmm.", he made and you held on to his hand to stop him from moving it down to your neck.

"Daemon.", you said a little louder and turned your head away from him so the kiss was interrupted. He stopped and brought a little more distance between your faces. "What’s wrong?", he whispered and caressed the sides of your face with both his hands.

"We can’t, Daemon. It was wrong to do it in the first place. I can’t repeat this sin."

Your uncle raised his eyebrows. "Pleasure.", he started speaking. "Is never a sin, little owl. Especially not when nobody is harmed in the action." He ran his thumb over your temple and watched you insistent. "What happens between a man and woman when they are intimate is meant to be beautiful. For both. It is not wrong or sinful, no, it is natural. You’re a woman now, little owl. You have the right to explore this kind of pleasure.", he whispered smugly.

You desperately looked up to him while he still held your face tightly in his hands. "But we’re not married. And I shouldn’t have done something like this, that’s only supposed to happen with one’s husband."

"Say it." You frowned. "What?"

Daemon slowly ran his thumb over your lower lip. "Say what we have done, byka atroksia (little owl)." You shook your head. "I can’t." He raised his eyebrows and got closer to your face again.

"Yes you can. Tell me what we have done three nights ago. In my bed chambers while your unknowing father celebrated my return only a few feet away."

You felt your hands shaking and pleadingly looked up to your uncle. "Please.", you mouthed inaudibly but Daemon didn’t give in. He merely pulled at you lower lip with his thumb and then went back to caressing your cheek.

"Go on. I want to hear you say it." You wanted to drop you gaze, look down to your feet and just escape Daemon’s piercing eyes but his hands holding your face forced you to look at him.

"Y-You…", you started and your uncle encouraginly nodded with lifted eyebrows. "You bedded me.", you whispered weakly and heard Daemon chuckle.

"Yes, that’s right." His mouth wandered to your right ear and he kissed you right next to it on your cheek. "I touched you. Licked your sweet cunt. And then fucked you."

You breathed heavily and felt your cunt clench around nothing. You wanted him so badly. How was he able to make you feel like this? How was he able to turn your into a mess in his arms so quickly? He was like fire, igniting your body every time he looked at you. He pressed kisses on your cheek and then down to your neck. You couldn’t help but grab his hair and felt your knees getting weak.

"We shouldn’t…", you whined with closed eyes and Daemon abruptly stopped kissing you and looked down to you with flashing eyes. His hand forcefully grabbed your chin.

"If you tell me right now you don’t want me, I will let you go.", he hissed angrily. "I don’t have any pleasure in fucking you if I continuously hear you say you want me to stop. So tell me if you want me to or not and if you want me to, I don’t want to hear another sound coming out of your mouth except my name while I pleasure you."

You felt a little scared and looked up to him with big eyes. His fingers dug into your skin and he didn’t let you out of sight for one second.

You obviously had already made your decision and even though you knew you would regret it, you weren’t strong enough to do the right thing.

"I want you, Daemon.", you breathed and his eyes glistened with lust.

[stars-stripes-and-rockets]

🫡 good day, Soldier! I have a very important question for you, sent straight from the top!

The government needs to know exactly what you think about all of your teammates, if you please.

God speed!

Straight from the top, eh? Well then I have no choice but to answer our president! My team is a group of tough and determined individuals! They have never let me down unless we lose a battle, but then it’s push-ups for everyone. I count on my team to have my back and, by God, they never disappoint! They enjoy killing, like me, and I could not ask for more. You can imagine how at home I felt when I found these Soldiers seeing as they were as blood thirsty as I am. They are good men, great even! On our downtime, they are fun people to be around! We drink, eat, and laugh often! I can only describe most of them as my brothers-in-arms! They are people I would be honored to die next to in the heat of battle!

I guess I should go into detail though.

Demo- He is a great man! Great Demoman! He is my best friend and he gets my love for explosions and war, but he always smells like beer. I find it impressive how strong his liver and willpower is because he drinks daily on the battlefield! He likes bombs, so do I. He likes boots, so do I! We get along well and I trust this man with my life. He is the most down to earth out of all people. We are like beer and pong! I like to spend some of my nights with him either playing cards, drinking, or both! I try to keep this body untainted, but who can resist their best friend’s call for company? Not this soldier! Never in a million years.

Scout- This young man is very awkward, but hides it behind confidence! He talks funny and can do with learning some more respect, but he tries. I think he has a crush on Miss Pauling, but he is not well with ladies! He tries! His speed is exceptional and his battle readiness is on point. I might give him a lesson or two on how to talk less and get to the point.

Pyro- He likes fire. He is passionate. He is…he cut off my hand. I like his style! I just cannot see eye to eye with him! Pyro speaks in muffled tongues, but sometimes I can understand him. Good man, needs to work on communication skills!

Engineer- I like Engie! He’s an amazing toymaker! I have said this, but we hang out in his workshop! He asks me for help because I am the best at following orders, but he teaches me too! I once spent hours in that room and came out as greasy as him on a good day. Sometimes though, I make the mistake of pissing him off and then I get a stern lecture for…uh…I do not know how long! He can really talk your ear off, so don’t be fooled by his southern hospitality! I wish he was more active in the field, but as long as he’s making weapons for our side I cannot complain!

Heavy- This guy is huge and he is an absolute tank in the battlefield! Not literally! I wish we had a tank! He takes damage and eats bullets and rockets like no man I’ve ever seen. Usually they all die! Him? As long as Medic is by his side, they are unstoppable. He does not talk much with me, but he seems to be very smart! I like him and his big gun and his sister! His love for a good, clean fist fight is admirable too. I want to test his strength, but I don’t think he would fight me! A little cowardly if you ask, but I guess fighting my teammates is wrong! I’d settle for an arm wrestle or two.

Sniper- He is one of the best sharpshooters I have ever had! I think he smells a little wet and weird, but that is because of his habit of throwing piss at the enemy! I would not want to be on the other end of that, but I have for a few times. I hate his camper because who wouldn’t want to camp old fashioned and touch your bare ass on the sweet grass of the woods. A soldier must be ready to abandon comfort at any moment! Sniper does like coffee and I cannot refuse a nice cup of Joe in the morning. The mornings with him are nice and laid back, but he has issues that I do not wish to get into!

Spy- I am suspicious of the man. Sometimes he talks in funny riddles and I wish he would be straightforward. His disguise and infiltration skills are like none I have ever seen. HE IS ALSO GOOD AT INTERROGATION, but I think I can stand his method. His little butterfly knife does not scare me! It never will. A small fry like him is no match for my pure, unfiltered bloodlust! He is very…proper, but he just spends money on fancy suits instead of real war clothing. CURSE THE RICH! Who needs class and manners when we’ve got beer and barbecues! I think he is jealous and we do not interact too often, but that is because he thinks I am an idiot! This American brain is just too sharp for him to understand. He does make good points though and corrects my mistakes.

Medic- Our doctor is the best one out there! He is quick to heal our team and dish out phenomenal Übers and gives me well-timed Kritz! Sometimes he likes to brag about his accomplishments and it is amusing! He is excitable, tenacious, and honest. The only thing I do not understand is why he complains about my volume! On the battlefield, it is good to hear your teammates calling for help. Fritz hates when I call him too many times, but to win I need to be in tip top shape! His check ups and talk of experimentation does not appeal to me. I am a healthy American! My mind is the soundest and I have one goal: victory! He calls me crazy, but his words, laughter, and smile is enough to scare Lt. Col. Kenneth Walsh! I think he likes blood more than Pyro likes fire…

I think that is all I have for my teammates! I hope the government approves of my debrief on my troops! Thank you, son, for giving me this information! A salute to you and God bless!

[ijusthavesomanyblorbos]

SG CDRW?

So in my SG! universe, Prowl is a lot more socially intelligent and more adapt at manipulating people- I think, for these reasons, Chromedome and him never would have had a falling out. Prowl would have kept Chromedome right underneath his thumb throughout the entire war, a perfect willing mnemnosurgeon for whatever purposes he needs to serve.

I would even go so far to say this: Prowl, of course, wants only good things for Chromedome. Chromedome is his friend! But what's best for Chromedome is winning the war. And that can't happen if he's distracted, fawning over a new conjunx... Prowl needs him sharp, and focused.

So if something, perhaps, were to happen to his conjunx... and furthermore, if Chromedome then was so grief stricken that he couldn't properly work- Well, it's Prowl's duty to look out for him. Maybe nudge him in a better direction, subtly (oh so subtly) remind Chromedome of the power he holds, literally, at his fingertips. The power to just make that pain disappear, like it was never even there...

But Chromedome is smart. Really fucking smart, actually. You can't make it as a mnemosurgeon if you're not.

And things start to add up. Weird gaps in his memories, little comments from people he doesn't understand, a picture of him and a stranger embracing, smiling, happy-

He can't quite figure it out. But he knows this: something is wrong. Something is very wrong, and the war might be over now, and Prowl might smile and nod and say all the right things, and he might even be the oldest friend Chromedome has ever had! But it's not enough anymore. It's not enough, because when Prowl looks at Rewind there is something in his eyes that scares Chromedome like you wouldn't believe.

When Prowl tells him about Overlord stuck to the bottom of the Lost Light, when he instructs Chromedome to go, and manage the situation on site- Chromedome says yes. Unflinchingly. Of course he does. It's Prowl, he doesn't say no to Prowl.

But as the Lost Light launches out into space, a little voice in the back of his mind sighs a breath of relief. He pulls Rewind, newly conjunxed, a little closer to him, and tracks the distance from home. The gap widens, and widens, and Chromedome is thankful for it.

Thankful, and pretending that he doesn't still feel Prowl's eyes boring into him from across space and time.

[licorishh]

greek man save me......... save me mad scientist save me

[stuckinapril]

The whole “be responsible not for other people’s feelings but to them” distinction is so so true… at some point you need to realize that other people’s insecurities really are their responsibility & dimming or contorting yourself to make them feel better helps neither you nor them. Firstly, bc they need to realize what they’re doing and grow up. And secondly, bc you’re not just compromising on a one-time thing. You’re comprising on who you are as a person. I don’t want to look back when I’m older and stay stuck wishing I held my ground despite people’s projections or asserted my presence more or didn’t apologize so much for who I am. I really just want to own everything (the good and bad) & continue doing what makes me happy

[bigboysteveharrington]

Eddie lowkey outing himself by accident but Robin’s the only one that’s even certain that’s what’s happening

Eddie’s finally graduated and he’s having a celebratory bonfire with the Hellfire Club and Steve and Nancy and Robin at it. They’re out by Skull Rock so that they won’t get shit or noise complaints from other people in the trailer park. They’ve already ceremonially burned 6 years worth of Eddie’s notes and homework and failed tests by the time Eddie goes off on his own

Which later, he’ll realize wasn’t a great choice. But it’s supposed to be safe in Hawkins with all the gates closed now and in the moment, he just knows that his bladder has caught up to all the drinking and he really needs to take a leak. And okay, maybe he goes a little further away from everyone than is strictly necessary, but he has a shy bladder

And it’s fine at first. He takes a piss and zips his pants back up and goes to head back to where everyone else is but then he gets cut off by the latest kind of demo-monster to be on the loose in Hawkins and he has nothing on him but his wallet, his lighter, and a pack of cigarettes so he is certain that he’s really dead meat this time

He stumbles backwards in his rush to get away from the demo-thing and ends up falling over a broken branch and landing on his ass. The things still moving closer and they’re not supposed to like fire, so he pulls his lighter out and holds the pathetic little flame at arm’s length and yells at it to keep back as if that’s going to do anything. He shouts at it as loud as he can, but he’s the one that brought the boombox and set the volume at the highest so he’s not holding out a lot of hope about being heard and he doesn’t know that it would really help if any of them heard him anyway. So mostly he just thinks he’s dragging out his own death by making the thing come after him slightly more hesitantly because of the fire

But Steve notices Eddie sneak off on his own and it hasn’t been that long, but he thought he’d be back by now, so he’s already contemplating going to check that he’s fine when he hears something off in the direction Eddie went over the shitty music

And clearly Nancy heard it too because she’s already rushing off in that direction and while Robin and the kids rush after her to see what’s going on and Eddie’s out of the loop friends look at each other confused about what’s going on, Steve grabs a big ass stick off the ground and pours the last of his drink over the end and dunks it in the fire and then grabs a big ass bottle of vodka for good measure because even though he couldn’t totally hear what Eddie called out and even though this might just be Eddie up to his usual dramatics on the way back, Steve knows there’s a very real chance that it’s not and that once again the nightmare with the Upside Down isn’t really over like they thought it was and there’s no way he’s risking rushing in as weaponless as everyone else and putting them all in danger. He’ll be the weird guy that chased Eddie with a flaming tree branch to his Hellfire friends if he has to be because he’ll take that over risking anything happening to anyone there

Eddie’s lying on his back on the ground with the full body weight of the demo-thing on him and he’s got his eyes clenched shut and he’s holding on tight to his lighter with his hands up with to protect his face as if that’s going to do anything to stop this thing from ripping him to shreds, but then suddenly there’s a squelching thwack and then an awful ear-splitting screeching and there’s nothing holding Eddie down anymore. He opens his eyes and sees Steve beating the thing with a flaming tree branch and Nancy grabbing an equally large not flaming stick to join in while everyone else rushes over to check that Eddie’s okay. And then Steve warns Nancy to back up and throws the vodka bottle at the demo-thing and lights it fully on fire

It takes a bit for it to burn and Eddie to remember how to stand back up, but by the time he does, Eddie’s adrenaline is still running wild and he’s floating on the natural high that comes with narrowly escaping death. He tells the kids he’s fine and gets up and then turns to Steve and starts heading toward him while he laughs and gushes, “That was incredible. I was sure I was sure I was a goner and then there you were just casually pulling off the most badass move I’ve ever seen out of anyone. Seriously dude. That was awesome. I swear I could kiss you right now.” Which he emphasizes by grabbing Steve’s face in both hands and then planting a quick dramatic kiss on him and he only really realizes what he’s done in front of everyone after he’s already let go of his face so he quickly rushes to add, “Seriously, I could kiss all of you right now” but then nope, that’s not a good cover either and he realizes as soon as the words are out of his mouth, so he quickly adds, “I mean not any of you kids because that’d be weird, but” and thankfully Robin chimes in with “I’m good without” and Nancy quickly adds that she is too so Eddie doesn’t have to start kissing all of his friends near his age just to try to cover for the whole heat of the moment kissing Steve before thinking it through thing. And Steve hasn’t hit him, so that’s a good sign that he might get out of this with people just assuming this is another one of his eccentricities and nothing serious

The kids and Nancy just assume that the kiss was just an extension of his dramatics and that he thought it would be funny. Robin is onto Eddie, but not about to say anything about it. Steve’s too busy with his internal huh, okay… apparently I like that to even start considering Eddie’s motives until long after the kiss has actually happened

[lazylittledragon]

apologies to everyone who ordered from the mini restock and hasn't had a shipping notif yet!!! nothing is wrong i just ran out of envelopes and had to wait for more

[mueritos]

its crazy how coming into clinical social work, i really just thought I was up against systems and cycles of trauma....but it turns out i'm up against those two things AND other therapists. the amount of work spent correcting mistakes from other clinicians--whether with clients or during the classroom--is fucking crazy.

i totally get we're all on different journeys in terms of being clinicians. but it is insane finding out day after day of therapists and clinicians saying the worst things ever to clients. demeaning them, telling them "it's all in their head", the racism and the ableism and harm that is caused. like no fucking wonder people are afraid to seek therapy (on top of the accessibility issues). while i'm a little biased and think that at the very least clinical social work training focuses on viewing people within their environments (so not engaging in the medical/individualist models of practice that a lot of counseling programs focus on), that doesn't mean it gives every person the skills to be an effective therapist. i'm also not saying i'm the best clinician ever--I'm literally in training--but boy! it is jarring seeing how some of my peers interact in class and wondering...is that how you are with your clients??

my social work program at the very least also has a focus on anti-racism, but i know students from other programs and some of them don't even mention racism AT ALL and focus entirely on diagnosing people "correctly", or finding the perfect form of therapy to use on a client. but man, what none of these programs teach are basic life skills. wanting to be a clinician isn't enough, especially considering that an inhumane amount of people in my program are 1. so nervous about making mistakes that they lose scope of their practice 2. have so much internalized racism/white guilt to work thru 3. or they have absolutely no listening skills.

again, im not trying to make it seem like I am the number 1 clinician in the world ever. I don't even have a psych background or bachelor's in social work. my reasons for going into social work are quite selfish (I want a job that is very flexible, easily transferable, and can be done in different contexts), and the helping people part is just a plus. i'm just saying it's very jarring seeing other people in training and realizing they too are working with clients. i have conversation after conversation about these issues with other BIPOC/queer/marginalized clinicians, so I know i'm not the only person worried about some of the people that will be out of this program in a few years practicing on their own or with vulnerable populations.

[ganondoodle]

i am being so brave trying so hard to hold back writing a rant about that 'minimizing narrative noise' comment on totk sage concept art bc its actively flying around in my head like the worlds most annoying fly

[thisisadonaldduckblognow]

ik it’s probably a classic case of extrapolating way too much but... the way raph’s character design lines up w his whole arc and role and struggles...

like the fact that he is so so so much bigger than the others. raph is big, raph is strong, raph is steady and sturdy and he can literally pick up his entire family and carry them all at once. 

and like, when raph is so big and so strong and such a reliable thing. when raph is the protector, the one calling the shots on missions, the mother hen, the first point of authority. when raph is there, overprotective, when raph (for all that his brothers poke at him not being good under pressure) always always ALWAYS comes through at the end of the day when things are serious, ALWAYS gives it everything he’s got. 

his design and his learned role/behaviors in this family are just the perfect storm of why it took up to the season finale to drive home the issue.

so much of the series carries the default energy of “raph will handle it.”

raph will hold up the ceiling above you. raph will throw himself over you and take a hit and get back up and keep fighting. raph has a power that makes him even bigger and draws more attention and makes him able to carry MORE. raph will be the substitute parent. raph will be put into the mentor role through leo’s leadership arc. 

and raph is big. he’s built to carry heavy loads. raph is strong. raph is bold and loud and always ready to try to push on. even if he doesn’t know what to do or what he’s doing, he won’t give up and we’ll all pull together and things will turn out okay.

(his room is full of teddy bears. he dipped out on a mission to try to take a picture of a pigeon carrying a slice of pizza. he’s terrified of being alone.

he’s just as much of a kid as his brothers are. he’s just as new and inexperienced with the things happening to them as his brothers are. but for him, for some reason, there’s like this double standard where that becomes a huge glaring flaw.)

idk this got very sloppy and uncoordinated. i’m very in my feelings about raph right now though.

[weltraumii]

Happy pride to everyone I wish everyone in lgbtq+ a safe and prosperous life of being who you are!

Anyways byyyeeeee enjoy and spread your pride!