#but not matter how many times i repeated myself; they just could not believe i was alone

[gatun-gatunesco]

...

[myjisung]

stray kids : calling them pretty !

content. stray kids ot8, gn!reader, complimenting, idol and non idol!skz, lots of dialog, insecure bangchan, confident hyunjin & seungmin, sillies — fluff.

warning. none

wordcount. 1,6k ( got carried away a little bit )

a/n. sorry, i had brainrot !!

bang chan ( 방찬 )

"you're pretty"

"now you're just being silly."

"i mean it!"

chan looked back at you, unimpressed. his brow looked unamused and so did his mouth. he did not buy it.

"chan i promise you. you're a very pretty guy."

he shook his head and you could feel your heart break to pieces. no matter how many times you complimented him, whatever the words you chose, chan would not believe you.

"that's not a word i'd use to describe myself" he laughed dryly "i mean, have you seen me?"

enough. you got up and walked towards him. that got his attention. chan turned his face away from his computer to look to your side and you grabbed his face with both hands. shocked, his eye grew a little bigger.

"chan" your voice quivered "you have to believe me. you ARE pretty. always have been. it pains me to hear you deny it over and over again." his lower lip trembled "whatever it is that makes you believe you don't deserve to hear that word being uttered about yourself, forget it!"

he swallowed and his eyes watered.

"okay" he said after a while "alright. i-" he sighed, looked somewhere else then closed his eyes "i can't really- i don't-" another sigh "for you, i'll try."

lee know ( 리노 )

this time, after ten minutes spent trying, your facetime call went through.

"well fucking finally minho! why are you-" on your screen, your boyfriend's face appeared. he was getting makeup, a small brush softly highlighting his nose bridge "oh... you're pretty."

minho laughed gently.

"what is it that you want y/n? why'd you even call me seventeen times? can't you tell i'm busy?"

he tried to use that annoyed tone he usually threw your way when you were being clingy. but you could tell he was blushing, something that didn't happen often enough if you had to be honest.

"well damn, calm down with the questions. can't someone want to talk to their pretty boyfriend?"

another laugh, a shy one this time.

"okay, stop that"

"stop what? calling you pretty? well that's what you are. pretty pretty pretty!"

"alright i'm hanging up"

"MINHO NO WAIT."

you had to call him eight more times for him to pick up a second time.

changbin ( 창빈 )

"can you compliment me some more?"

you had just spent the last fifteen minutes telling changbin about how perfect of a man he was. and there he was asking for more? there were only so many compliments in the world. so much so that you had to think about what to say in order to not repeat yourself.

handsome you had used. super witty you went on and on about without forgetting about complimenting his dedication to living a healthy lifestyle and promoting kindness.

but then, it dawned on you. you knew just what to say.

"you're pretty."

changbin furrowed his brows.

"huh?"

"you're pretty" you repeated. "like, you're actually so pretty."

a tentative smile stretched changbin's lips.

"are you sure?" he was shy. changbin brought his hand to the back of his neck and tickled it gently—as if it was the first time anyone ever used the word 'pretty' to describe him.

"i am" you said without hesitation "you are super pretty, changbin. you've got pretty eyes and a pretty nose and pretty lips and pretty cheeks and and and..."

changbin laughed that silly high pitched laugh of his.

"you've got a pretty face overall."

"that's the first time i heard of it." he finally said, too shy to ask for any more compliments.

you mentally took note: in order to shut my changbin up, call him pretty.

hyunjin ( 현진 )

"what did you think the first time you saw me?"

you looked up from your book to lock eyes with his. that came out of nowhere. tilting your head to the side, you furrowed your brows.

"what do you mean?"

"like" hyunjin looked to the left, pondering how to word his question better "what was your first impression? when we first met, what did you think of me?"

"oh." you went back to your book "he's pretty."

hyunjin coughed.

"that's it?"

"did you expect me to think you were hot or cool or whatever? the first time we met you were drenched in soda and asked me for napkins, not very cool nor hot. but you were very pretty, the prettiest man i had ever seen."

a gentle smile stretched his full lips.

"do you mean that or are you being funny?"

you looked at him again, shocked. after marking the page you were at, you closed your book.

"no what do YOU mean? don't play with me hyunjin. you DO know that you're pretty, right?"

he brought his hand to his mouth but, before he could hide it, you saw his slight smirk.

"i mean..." he started.

"oh come on!"

"no like" hyunjin giggled "i'm aware it's just, i didn't think you'd think that of me. pretty? is that really the impression i gave you?"

"well cut me some slack here! you're a crazily pretty man. sometimes i just look at you for fun. for FUN, hyunjin! i am ENTERTAINED, i am having a GREAT TIME looking at your pretty face."

"okay now you don't have to be dramatic about it"

hyunjin was blushing crazily for someone so confident.

han ( 한 )

he was painting his nails and a look of concentration had him furrow his brow and push the tip of his tongue out of his mouth. han wanted to draw stars on each and every single one of his nails and you admired his dedication to the task.

the room smelled of both nail polish and nail polish remover. the coffee table was littered with cotton pads and q-tips drenched in acetone. the smell had your eyes water but you couldn't leave.

han was just so pretty. and you had to tell him.

"hey" you started.

"busy" jisung replied "can't mess up again."

you heard him but, it had to be said.

"you're so pretty right now."

it took him a while, maybe three or five seconds before the words registered. once he pieced it together, he looked up at you.

"huh?"

"i said, you're pretty"

"no i heard you" he started "it's just... really?"

han kept his brush above his fingers so long a droplet of pink polish splashed on his nail, ruining the design, but you didn't have the heart to point it out yet.

"yeah? you're a very pretty guy, jisung. like, your eyes for starters, insanely pretty"

he gave you a shy smile as his cheeks turned pink. you could tell he was trying to tone down his reaction from the way his leg started bouncing.

"no... you're the pretty one." he finally said.

jisung looked down at his nail and shrieked. he was going to have start over, AGAIN.

felix ( 필릭스 )

"you're so pretty"

you weren't expecting to say that out loud but could anyone even blame you? the sun was hitting felix's face in a way that enhanced his freckles along with the gold of his skin. his long eyelashes tickled the skin under his eyes and the bitten red of his mouth made him look ethereal.

felix was, objectively, a very pretty boy.

his eyes fluttered open and your cheeks blushed pink. felix noticed and a playful smile stretched his mouth.

"d'you mean that?" he asked, his voice low and gentle.

you weren't exactly boyfriend and partner yet. you weren't anything really. something in between, something blurry but neither of you dared saying or doing anything about it. you were content with this in-between, for now.

"i do" you started and he brought a hand to your cheek, letting his thumb gently stroke your skin "you're very pretty, felix"

his smile got bigger.

"thanks" he said "you're super pretty yourself."

you swore your heart leapt out of your chest.

seungmin ( 승민 )

"has anyone told you that you were pretty before?"

"plenty of times actually, y/n."

seungmin smiled playfully and you watched him, deadpan.

"i mean," he started "i get it. don't you?"

he giggled and you could only scoff. can't someone compliment their boyfriend and have him react normally in this economy?

"alright mister pretty boy. i guess you've heard it so much it got to your head."

another laugh, a bright one this time and you could not contain your own smile anymore. seungmin had this way of brightening every room he walked in. he always managed to have you in the best mood and make you forget all of your worries.

"oh no y/n... i beg, compliment me again. i only care when it's you that calls me pretty."

it was your turn to act. pretending to be unimpressed, you looked away.

"well. i better be!"

seungmin giggled again. and so did you.

i.n ( 아이엔 )

shopping with jeongin always took hours. you were used to it at this point, but still. your feet were killing you and you had spent far more money than you had planned to.

your boyfriend had a way with compliments afterall. whatever you tried on, he loved and managed to make you love too so, purchased they were!

"how about this one?"

the fitting room's curtain quickly opened and you were met with yet another huge-pair-of-pants-and-oversized-shirt outfit. it was crazy the way jeongin managed to make them work every time.

"pretty" you said "you're pretty."

he smiled and his eyes crinkled.

"pretty?"

"mh mh" you nodded "you look super pretty. you always do but especially right now. crazily pretty, insanely pretty, gorgeously pretty. extremely pretty even. have you considered-"

jeongin cut you off, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. he giggled against your mouth as you kissed back, sending happy shivers down your back.

"okay i think i get it." he said "you're perfectly pretty too"

with that, the curtain closed again.

taglist. after being absent for a long while, i'll make a new taglist instead of using the old one so let me know if you would like to be added / removed.

[suuuupernovaaa]

asap si

‘ASAP SI [English] to be shocked, be startled

Adult Neteyam returns home to find you’ve grown into a beautiful woman, and you’ve been keeping a secret from him all these years.

18+   |   1,177 words

My hands had begun growing tired, the joints in my fingers aching, but I still had a little time before my parents were expecting me home, and I could finish just a little bit more here at the mother loom.

Li’ei and Zoavey had been generous to allow me not only to use the mother loom, but to teach me. Between them, they possessed over 100 years of experience creating tapestries and cloths for our clan, and they were both held in very high regard for what they provided to our people.

“Y/N,” Li’ei chastised the next time I sighed under my breath, “go home. We must all rest.”

I sighed once more, feeling the thick, coarse fabric between my fingers. “I feel as though the job will never be done.”

Zoavey tsk’d at me. “It does not matter how long it takes - only that you do the job properly.” 

Standing up, I nodded at the two elders. “Thank you for your time today. May I return tomorrow?”

Li’ei smiled. “Yes, darling.” I felt compelled to ask every day, even though they had made it clear they were training me so that I could take their place when the day came.

Touching my forehead and lowering my hand, I signed my respect to my elders, who had so graciously taken me under their wing, and quickly turned on my heel to make my way through our village back to my parents’ home.

--

The closer I got to the center of our village, to my home, the louder things seemed to be. It’s was always quite busy at this time of day, but this seemed to be something else; a commotion, almost.

As I neared the epicenter of home tree, my parents rushed to me, almost out of nowhere.

“Y/N!” my mother gasped, wide eyed. “Jakesully and his family have returned.”

The tools I was carrying fell from my hands, clattering on the ground. I should have bent and grabbed them, pay them the respect they deserve, but I am frozen to the ground.

Neteyam is home.

Suddenly, I am transported to five years ago. Once again, I felt Neteyam gripping my arms too tightly as he told me his family was leaving, and he didn’t know if they would return. He left, with so much left unsaid between us.

Tears pricked at the back of my eyes, and I forced them away.

“Where are they?” I asked  finally, after a long pause that I knew my mother noticed.

She gestured to the fires, around which we cooked and ate our meals. I saw it then, the large crowd gathering, almost too large to push my way through - but I knew I had to try.

“Sorry, excuse me, sorry,” I repeated over and over as I wormed my way through the throng of bodies here to see Taruk Maktow and his family.

It’s was hard to believe it had been 5 years. After the Sky People left and Jakesully and his family didn’t return, we weren’t sure what to think - maybe they had died in battle, or found another clan they wanted to stay with instead.

I never gave up hope... but it was hard some days, especially with Ueku nearly relentlessly pursuing me the last two years to be his mate. 

Ueku was one of the most desired of The People, our strongest hunter, and everyone was staring to look at me as if I had two tails - they could not figure out why I would not agree to be his.

And it felt so dumb to explain that it was because of a crush I’d had when I was fifteen, on someone I hadn’t seen since then. 

It took much effort, but I finally made it to the front of the crowd, and saw them standing there.

Oh, they looked so different. All four children were taller, the boys had much broader chests and Kiri and Tuk had grown into lovely young women. I wanted to cry and rush forward to greet them, but they were being bombarded with welcome greetings.

I stood back, staring, and finally allowed myself to really look at Neteyam. His hair was longer now, halfway down his back and braided intricately, woven through with many beads and fine weaves. He was taller, as tall as his father, with strong shoulders and a wide, firm chest.

The sight of him made me feel light headed. I closed my eyes, and took a steadying, deep breathing. 

“Y/N!”

--

Tuk called her name, and Neteyam snapped his head to see where his youngest sister was looking. Since the moment they’d arrived, his only thought was to find Y/N, his oldest and best friend.

Tuk took off from next to him, rushing towards a woman in the crowd who was almost unrecognizable. This beautiful woman lifted Tuk up in her arms effortlessly and hugged her tightly.

She was an angel. Her hair was impossibly long, and she wore a woven crown around her face to keep it out of her eyes. Her leggings were green, and he could tell the care and effort that went into making them. Tucked into them were various tools for use on the loom. 

She looked tired, but her amber eyes were wide and full of joy. His eyes trailed down to her smile, ear to ear as she excitedly talked to his sister, her full lips spread across white teeth. 

Ewya, was this Y/N?

Tuk was pulling her towards him now. He lifted his foot to take a step forward, but before he even moved an inch, Lo’ak had her in his arms.

“Y/N!” he shouted excitedly. 

“Oh, Lo’ak!” she exclaimed, returning his hug enthusiastically. It made a quiet rage bloom in Neteyam’s chest, and he shoved it down quickly.

“Wow!” Lo’ak exclaimed, taking a step back, and Neteyam stepped up beside him. Lo’ak threw his elbow forcefully into Neteyam’s side.

Neteyam winced and grabbed his ribs as Lo’ak said, “Y/N sure grew up, didn’t she?”

“Well, we all did, Lo’ak. It’s been five years!” Y/N replied with a soft smile. Even though she was speaking, the beauty of her voice sounded like a song to Neteyam’s ears.

Neteyam raised his hand to his head, touching his fingers to his forehead, and lowered it as he took a step towards Y/N. “Y/N...” he said, but after all these years, words failed him.

He had spent countless nights thinking of Y/N, but never had he imagined her to have such an effect on him when he was finally able to stand in front of her. His mouth felt dry, and his heart was beating out of his chest.

“Neteyam,” Y/N said, returning the gesture. “I’ve missed you.”

She threw her arms around his shoulders, and after only a moment, he wrapped his around her waist. She even smelled lovely, like fresh tapestry and earth, and he took a deep breath.

He would savor this moment forever.

--

It was a while before I could get Neteyam alone, but I was determined. Something about the look of shock on his face when he first saw me gave me hope.

Had he been missing me too?

After we ate and the excitement began to die down a little as the singing began, I grabbed Neteyam and pulled him from the crowd, into the jungle.

We walked in silence for a while, until I found a familiar spot to sit. It was a large fallen tree next to a small pool of water. We could sit and dangle our legs, our toes just dipping in to the small pool.

“I missed you, Neteyam,” I said finally. Though I had been shy when Neteyam left, five years had made me bold. It felt as if I had to tell him how I felt, or I might stop breathing. “I thought of you often.”

Neteyam smiled, and though much about him had changed, his smile had not. “I missed you as well, Y/N. Lo’ak had to tell me I was not allowed to speak of you anymore... but I still did.”

I glanced away for a moment. “It’s been a long time. You might have... you might have found yourself a woman, while you were gone. I, uh, Ueku has asked me to be his woman, but I-”

Neteyam cut me off. “Ueku! Bah!”

I grabbed his arm, trying not to laugh at the disgusted look on his face. “I told him I would not. Well, that I could not. Neteyam, I have been yours since you left. I wanted to tell you, but you left so fast, I could not.”

His look of anger softened, and his eyes widened in surprise. “You would be my woman, Y/N?”

My lips spread into a wide smile. “I would.” My heart felt as if it might leap out of my chest, and my fingers trembled. I clasped my hands together to steady them.

Neteyam reached over and took my hands into his.

“I have thought of almost nothing but returning and claiming you for my own, since we left. Y/N, you have become more beautiful that I ever could have imagined, and one of our people’s most prized women. I would be honored to have you as my mate.”

The stars swam in front of my eyes, and I reached up and pulled Neteyam’s face to mine, capturing him in a kiss I had waited five years for.

He wasted no time, and lifted me up into his lap so that I was straddling him as he deepened the kiss.

“Teyam,” I moaned into his mouth.

“Paskalin,” he replied in a breathy voice, pulling me even closer to him. His hands roamed my body, up and down my back, and I pushed down onto him, creating friction between us that made him groan into my mouth.

He was kissing me desperately, feverishly, as if we would have to part for another five years after this.

I was equally as desperate as I pushed him back onto the mossy tree, and lay on top of him, stopping to look at him for just a moment.

“I should have come back sooner,” he said with a sly grin, and I laughed.

Leaning down, I pressed my head to his chest to hear his heartbeat - it was quick, to match mine.

“We have all the time we need now,” I whispered, and he wrapped me in a tight hug.

“I will never let you go again,” he whispered, his voice full of determination and reverence.

I believed him.

[books-and-catears]

"I Hate You."

How many times is it now? How many times had he done the same thing over and over only for you to forgive him and for him repeat his actions?

You love him. And he loves you - you keep telling yourself. But that doesn't take away the pain he causes.

There's a fine line between love and hate, and this time he's pushed you over it. You're exhausted. Your blood is boiling over. He's about to apologise again but there's no forgiveness this time.

"I hate you."

Neither a scream nor a whisper. You say it the same way you say you love him. As cold as a winter night. And you leave.

Lucifer, Mammon, Solomon

It's nothing he hasn't heard before. He had learnt to be unfazed by it. Mere words could do nothing to him.

But hearing it in your voice, as your eyes glare at him with pain and fury - it was like hearing it for the very first time. When was the last time he'd felt his heart shatter so violently?

You with your overwhelming love, tirelessly standing by his side at his worst, reviving his cold and dying heart - he never imagined he'd hear these words from you.

What if you never forgive him? No, he didn't want to imagine it. It was too horrid a thing. And he was horrible to do this to you. He has never regretted anything more than this.

But now, like a waking nightmare, he stands frozen in his tracks, unable to hold you back as he watches you run away, holding back your own tears. He feels all the light in his life slip away.

"MC... please..." He calls out, but his voice is dry and silent. There's so much to say. Will you let him say it? He wants to tell you everything. Every bit of himself, he wants to lay bare. He no longer cares about his pride, his shame or his secrecy.

Please take it back. I don't know what to do with myself if you mean it.

Once back to his senses, he races to wherever you are. "MC!" If you're behind a closed door, he'll keep knocking, calling out your name. If you tell him to leave you alone, he'll silently fall asleep by the door.

If you're curled up and crying on the carpet by the fireplace, his trembling fingers will reach out for you. If you don't let him touch you, he'll simply sit as close as you'll allow him.

If you let him closer, he'll cradle your face in his hands, pressing kisses on your forehead and cheeks, whispering endless apologies, trying to fix the hurt.

"Please tell me you don't mean it. Please. Please. Please forgive me."

_________________ooo__________________

Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Diavolo

"You...what?" He can't register it yet. He's never heard these words before. Noone has thought of it, noone has dared to. But you did.

Anyone else, he could have dismissed. A heartbroken fan, an overworked cook or a disgruntled subject - none of them rally mattered. Anyone else can be pushed aside, be ignored. But not you.

Surely you don't mean it. Noone has ever made him more understood, more loved than you. You are his dearest friend. You can't take all that way. You can't possibly be that cruel. He refuses to believe it.

What is this piercing pain in his chest? Why does it keep growing? Why is the world turning cold around him? Why does he feel like everything inside him has caught fire?

Why did it have to be you? Time seems to slow down, his vision blurs out the whole world except your retreating figure in the distance. He must catch up no matter what. He starts to run.

"MC, wait!" He grabs your arm just in time. He corners you, traps you within himself and the walls, takes you someplace it's only the both of you. He can't let you go.

I wont lose you. I CAN'T lose you.

If you scream at him to let go, he reluctantly will. But he will not let you out of his sights. If you crash into him, hitting his chest and crying into it, he will burst into tears with you.

Your hits are painless but your tears are not. You will hear his sobs rack through his body. He holds onto you with shameless desperation.

Please stay right here. I'll do anything to make it right. But please don't let go.

_________________ooo__________________

Simeon, Barbatos, Satan

"MC..." His eyes grow wide in disbelief. A growing sense of dread fills his body, overwhelming him. He stumbles back from you, as if your words came to life and dealt him a blow to straight to his chest.

He's had his fair share of hatred from others. His influence and popularity had this small price to pay, of course. It was nothing he usually couldn't take.

But it was as if you saying them, had a whole new meaning. An object of loathing, of detest. He barely noticed you leave the room. Your words were echoing in ears, bouncing off the walls and ground.

His eyes watered and burned. He could keel over from the sudden limpness coursing through his body. His whole world is breaking down right in front of his eyes.

He closes his eyes and imagines the happier you. The one he hadn't hurt. Your joyous laugh and your eyes sparkling with love as you smiled at him, excitedly waving as you kept his seat in classrooms and crowded cafes. He wants that back. He feels like a monster.

But he fixes his composure. You only deserve the best of him. He'll be on his best behavior until he can be worthy of you again, he promises himself.

He watches from a distance, softly calling your name to get your attention. "MC...may I..."

I'm dying to talk to you, please. Please don't shut me out of your heart.

If you shake your head, he'll beg further but come no closer. If time is what you need to heal, he'll exile himself away as long as you ask him to.

If you nod your head, he will crash into your arms. Like a child, he clings to you, pulling you as close as he possibly can. He feels the air return to his dying lungs. He can breathe in your scent again. He brushes away your tears urgently. He swears he will never hurt you this way again.

I'd sooner die than have you hate me. I'll shatter and turn to dust without you.

_________________ooo__________________

Leviathan, Belphegor

They knew this day was inevitable. Of course you'd lose finally lose your patience with them. Honestly he wonders how you even kept up the act for this long.

It had been so long since he had a friend. He'd forgotten how it was to lose one. He locked himself in his room after you left. He wouldn't dare show his face around you again.

He sometimes repeated your name in a trance, after crying his eyes out. "MC...MC...MC..." He waited for you to magically reappear again, hold him and tell him everything is okay. Reassure him one last time please.

He's pathetic, he knows that all too well. You were too generous to indulge him and his pitiful whims and wishes. He has no courage to go and apologise again. But he does ask his brothers about you. Begs them to tell you sorry on his behalf.

He's such a coward, isn't he? Yet everytime someone knocks on his door, or comes to wake him up - he turns around hastily, hoping it's you.

Until one day it really is. You call out to him. You look like a long lost dream. "MC, YOU'RE BACK??" He cries as he comes running at you. You both topple over.

He has his head buried in your chest as he cries his heart out. He missed you so much. And there's noone he wanted to tell that to more than you.

I'll never deserve you. But I'll do everything in my power to keep you all the same. Please come back to me.

[jinmindeulle]

make it work | byun baekhyun

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 idol!baekhyun x nonidol!reader

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 1.6 k

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆 angst, romance | jealousy, argument, happy ending

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆 angsty?, fluffy

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 none

requested by a lovely butterfly anon 🦋 thank you so much for your request and sorry for the long wait!

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ 　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　 ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚

I have to be happy for him, I have to be happy for him, I have to be happy for him…

No matter how many times I repeated that sentence in my mind, it was still hard to actually feel that way. Although I prided myself in not being a jealous person, seeing him surrounded by the prettiest dancers in the industry was taking a toll on my own confidence.

Because I was not an idol like Baekhyun, it was difficult to cope with the pressure that dating one brought. Life as a simple office worker had minor complications in comparison to his highly exposed job, but I had never doubted about being with him ever since I met him. The way he had always treated me like he was just a man in love with a woman reassured me every time. 

Our outings were limited. His schedule was different every day, and I had to adjust. It never mattered to me, though. Being with him for a short time was much more precious than what any other guy could have offered.

However, after a year and a half of relationship, I was starting to long for something more than just seeing him at night and sleeping wrapped up in his arms. I needed the dates, the mornings, the family reunions, and the sense that we were building something together. 

And now, seeing his brand new comeback stage, smiling at his female dancers and moving along with their body rolls like he couldn’t stop himself from wanting them, I had had enough. How was it that they got to have him more than I did? Why didn’t he choose to date one of them instead? They were far more gorgeous than I could ever be!

Just as I blocked my phone and threw it out of sight, a very tired Baekhyun opened the bedroom door, placing his bag on the floor.

“Hey, love” His unanswered greeting made him frown, and with a sigh, he approached me from his side of the bed “What’s wrong, babe?”

“Had fun with your dancers?”

The confusion in his eyes was evident even for me, but I just could not care less at that point. He had to know why I was upset.

“What do you mean?”

“You seemed pretty happy in your stage today”

“I was” he nodded, still not getting the point “So what?”

“I guess you liked being with your dancers”

Realization hit him like a truck, but he just sat there, frozen in his spot. I had to look at him to make sure he was still awake because his stillness was starting to bother me. 

“I can’t believe you’re jealous”

One thing was to admit it to myself, but hearing it coming from Baekhyun was more embarrassing than I thought. Despite this, I was still mad and hurt. My feelings were real, and something had triggered them. He had triggered them.

“They are doing their job. I am doing my job” he turned to face me, surprise written all over his features, and I could not hold my tears any longer. He didn’t understand. He was too focused on his work to even notice how badly I was longing for him.

“I no longer feel you want me, Baekhyun” I mumbled, not caring about the tears that endlessly ran down my cheeks. He had to see my pain.

“That’s nonsense, y/n” he tried to hug me, but I didn’t let him. I couldn’t just allow him to embrace me and settle with it. Knowing myself, I was going to accept whatever lame excuse he gave if I was being held by his strong arms. “Please, let’s not argue this late”

“And when do you want to argue, then?” Standing up, I looked at him dead in the eye “When do you have time to even argue with me? You are too busy to realize how dead our relationship is, Baekhyun”

“You really think that’s where we are standing?” his hands gripped his hair, taking it out of his face in the process.

“Yes”

He prompted himself up off the bed and made his way around it to stand in front of me. “I have little saying on how much I work, or with whom I work. I wish it was easier, love. I wish I could be with you every waking hour, every day for the rest of our lives-”

“But there’s nothing you can or will do about it” I interrupted him, knowing that his saying it would wound me ten times more than admitting it myself. 

“That’s how it is, at least for now” he nodded, interlacing his fingers with mine in an attempt to gain me back. 

“You do realize that you spend more time with your dancers than you do with me?” I left his fingers gripping the air as I stepped back to retrieve my pillow. 

“So all of this is just because you’re jealous” he gave a bitter laugh and followed me with his eyes. 

“Read it as you like, Baekhyun.” As I was about to open the door of our room, he stopped me, screaming my name.

“You don’t have to be jealous. I love you and only you. I am sorry that you feel this way about us, but I really do not see how to make it better when the company presses me to do more and more each day.”

Although his struggles were to be expected, my own were too overwhelming and tangible to not let them cloud my judgment. I was upset. It felt like I was about to lose him — and that made my heart ache with grief as if had already happened. 

“That is not what I wanted to hear from you. At least not the last part”

“What do you want me to say then, huh?” When his tone rose, I knew I had to leave the room. He had become angry at me, and it was evident that we were getting nowhere that night.

“Sleep on it” 

Even though my back was never a problem for me, sleeping on the couch was starting to challenge that. No one had ever used it for those purposes, and being the first one to do it settled that it was not made for more than just sitting there for a couple of hours. Yawning my way out of the silky covers, I opened my eyes to see Baekhyun, sitting on the single sofa chair right next to where my feet had rested during the night. He was fast asleep, his head resting on his hand, elbow pressed onto the chair’s armrest. 

With a quick glance at the clock, I stood up and shook him awake “You’re late”

“Called in sick” he yawned, slowly opening his eyes. 

“Are you?” I raised an eyebrow, reaching out to touch his forehead.

“No” Taking my hand from his forehead to his cheek, he looked up from his seating position and kissed the back of my hand “Can we talk now?”

The emotions that had dissipated overnight reappeared, making my eyes fill with tears once again. I nodded. Baekhyun took my wrist and pushed me to sit on his lap, his arms around my waist as he slowly caressed my exposed skin with his thumbs. 

“I am truly sorry about yesterday, and all of the days I made you feel less important than you are. Truth is, it was the first time you showed jealousy and I didn’t know how to handle it. I just thought your emotions were leading your words and you were saying things to hurt my feelings as well. But I slept on it and…” A small laugh escaped my lips and I nodded to let him go on “and I saw where you were coming from.”

“We never see each other, Baek” I cried, emotions taking over once more.

“I was so focused on my work that it was enough having you waiting for me in bed every night. I am so sorry, my darling” Taking his hands from my hips to my cheeks, he wiped away the tears that kept rolling down “I am making some adjustments in my schedule and will make sure to spend more time with you every day of the week. I don’t care what the agency has to say about it. I am famous enough to set some boundaries without them dropping me from the label.”

“They need you more than you need them, baby” I giggled, feeling the contentedness filling my heart, once and for all. 

“You’re right” he smiled, cupping my face with his hands. “I love you”

“I love you” 

His lips met mine in what felt like years. We had not shared a meaningful kiss for a very long time, so I let myself enjoy it with every fiber of my being. 

Pecking my lips in between each word, he announced “I will take you on a date today”

“And what if they see us?” I frowned, combing his hair with my fingers. Oh my, how nice it felt to have him all for myself after such a long time. “You won’t look very sick if we’re out eating and goofing around. Your fans… I don’t know how they would react knowing you didn’t do your interviews but are kissing me instead”

“Are our disguises still in the closet?” he asked, making me chuckle. He truly thought he could fool them with those outfits.  

“You mean our trench coats, masks, and stylish beanies?”

“I prefer to call them disguises” he giggled, attacking my face with wet kisses.

If life with Baekhyun was going to look like this for the rest of our lives, I couldn’t wait.

[themanifestingbrat]

What affirm n persist means...

It seems affirm and persist has many interpretations which is probably why there’s so much confusion and drama around it.

It could mean affirming for 10 minutes every hour to one person while to another person, it’s just affirming once and whenever it comes up, affirm again.

I said in my other post, persisting is not a method. If my phone is in my room and I’m in the kitchen, and I acknowledge or remember I have a phone. I’m persisting in the fact that I have a phone and that it’s in my room. If I want my sp to be my partner, every time I think of them or catch myself noticing the lack of their presence, I’m going to tell myself that everything’s all good, sp is my partner and we’re happy. Or in other words, I persist in the fact that sp is my partner.

Persisting doesn’t mean persisting in techniques. It means sticking to the assumption that it’s done.

Affirming is thought. A thought repeated becomes a dominant thought. A dominant thought becomes a belief. Which is why we stress the importance of repeating your affirmations, i.e. desirable thoughts, so it can become a belief and reflect.

So, when you’re setting a timer of 10min to affirm, why? Is it just because someone said so and they had success doing it? Or, do you actually believe it helps you focus on the feeling and get faster results?

Maybe you feel all you need to do was affirm until you got the feeling and let go and it reflected. Maybe you feel you need to continuously repeat a sentence for a certain amount of time for something to reflect. Maybe you feel affirmations are so stupid and don’t work no matter how many times you say it so you yell and shout, “IT DOESN’T WORK FOR ME!”

Look closely…You might notice I used the word feeling a lot. Because that’s the whole point.

DO YOU FEEL AFFIRMING NUMEROUS TIMES WORK FOR YOU? DO YOU FEEL YOUR AFFIRMATIONS TO BE TRUE? DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU DON’T NEED TO BELIEVE OR FEEL YOUR AFFIRMATIONS AND IT STILL WORKS?

So, enough with the whole debate if a+p works or not. It can always work if you make it work for you. If you don’t want to do it, guess what? Don’t fucking do it.

How I apply "affirm and persist":

I don’t use timers or count or set reminders, because I’m lazy and it feels like a chore. If you like it, more power to you!

I use affirmations to calm me down and to remind me. Say, I was anxious for the results of a test. I’m gonna keep affirming, “I passed, I got 100%, I have the results I want,” until I don’t feel anxious anymore and then I move on. When I start to feel anxious again, I affirm. Then, it just manifests. I get the desired results and it happens exactly how I affirmed or visualized it to be.

Now, me explaining this might seem like a step by step method I follow, when in reality, it’s something I naturally do. I naturally say/think something in my favor to make me feel better and release any bad feeling.

If there’s anything to take away from this is to not downplay something just because it didn’t work for you. Try again or tweak something you did to make it feel fun and fulfilling. Cause the last thing we need to be doing is going back n forth if a+p really works or not when everybody’s different.

[anyon-else]

— icks w/ toji fushiguro, gojo satoru, geto suguru, & sukuna ryomen – main masterlist

TOJI FUSHIGURO | i bet ya'll can guess. it's the fucking worm.

you recognize that he needs the thing in order to fight, and that it is very useful in terms of combat, so you don't have the heart to tell him how much it freaks you out.

he legitimately treats it like a child. whenever you ask why he has to be so gentle with it, he tells you that he has to keep it in top condition so that it can store as many weapons as possible, but he feeds it. he gives it baths. he lets it sleep on a little dog bed that he bought at pet smart. you felt that maybe he was going a little bit overboard.

you've also caught him talking to it. it just really gives you the creeps.

he was so offended when you voiced your disgust with it. like, he held it up and told you that you made it feel bad, then demanded that you apologize.

"are you serious?"

toji just stared at you, one eyebrow raised as he held his worm out in front of him. it was staring at you with those beady eyes, and you couldn't help but crinkle your nose. no matter how many times toji bathed it, it still smelled.

"what's with the face?"

"i'm sorry! it's just so ugly..."

"it? seriously? he's a him."

"good lord, toji."

GOJO SATORU | he's always late. he makes it his whole personality.

he likes to make an entrance, which means that he has to enter every room alone. since many people show up early to events, and even arrives on time, showing up late is his only option.

while that's all fine and dandy for him, when you are each other's respective dates for events either at the school or at your workplace, it becomes your problem as well.

one time, he really wanted to impress his students at a party that he decided to put together at the school, so he made you wait outside so he could enter alone.

"no, you won't have to go in alone! i'll go, then i'll come back out and we'll go in together."

sometimes he shows up late to fights. if he knows who or what he's fighting, he'll make sure he knows if it's a special grade. if it is, he claims that lateness will make him look cooler and more intimidating. this has led to many problems and many stern lectures from nanami.

the one thing he doesn't show up late to is date night. he says that you already know how cool he is, so there's no need.

GETO SUGURU | when he eats curses.

on an objective level you understand. it's a necessary part of his technique, but the way that he decides to do it is so theatrical. you always have to turn away if he starts doing it in front of you, and then he gets all pouty.

you try to tell him that it's not because of him; it's just the idea of it that freaks you out, but he's not having it. you get the silent treatment for a little bit, and then the cycle repeats.

he starts doing it in front of you on purpose. like, he hoards those little curse balls, and then when you two have dinner, he'll be like "oh, i'm covered for tonight" and literally dumps like eight of them on his plate and gives you this smug little grin.

you try and act like it doesn't bother you, but then he sticks a fork in one and sticks his tongue out, making sure to accompany the movements with a loud "ahhh," followed by a satisfied "mmm" when he's swallowed it. this continues for all eight of the curses, and by the sixth one you've scarfed down your food and excused yourself from the table.

your last straw was when he asked you to feed them to him.

SUKUNA RYOMEN | his god complex.

lets start by saying that this man would never be in a relationship. not a healthy one, at least. but for fanfic's sake, let's go a bit ooc.

he slowly but surely becomes used to the healthier aspects of being in a relationship, but he's also still the king of curses. sometimes, when he's annoyed with you, he says things like "one thousand years ago, i'd have crushed you under my thumb for saying those things" and "i can't believe i'm being told to 'get over myself' by a measly human"

with anyone else, it would be extremely concerning. however, you were the one who chose an evil, immortal curse.

you still tell him off, though. it can be really annoying when he gets all high and mighty. because while he is, he doesn't have to act like it all the time.

this complex also means that he can become very possessive. unhealthily so. if any other person even looks in your direction, he's about three seconds from wiping them from existence. while he is very secure in his relationship, and knows that you would never leave him (he knows what he looks like), he also knows that he has the power to do whatever he wants, so killing a few people who give you sideways glances won't hurt anyone. well, mostly.

you try to get him to calm down, but after a while it seems hopeless to even try. again, you knew what you were getting into.

[kurogane2512]

HELLO IM BACK FROM MY BREAK ITS ONE OF ALICE’S ANONS (in all honesty i forgot which emoji i was) ANYWAYS

i would like to request

cocolia (hsr) x reader (obviously fem) <3 angst to smut :) i give u free reign <3

NO ONE WRITES FOR HER AND IT MAKES ME SAD i just finished the trailblazer mission, I MISS HER

Hello, welcome back anon! Good to see you again <3

You have no idea how much I relate with you; truth be told that her death and unplayability is one of the main reasons I'm not playing the game (others are I don't like turn based plus I have way too many gacha games in my mantel).

I had found out what happens in beta itself and decided to save myself the pain and suffering, it feels like they repeated Signora's case. Mihoyo has something against blonde ice mommies I'm sure. Your request came at a perfect time since I was really craving to write something on her!

(18+) CONTENT MINDORS DNI

Game: Honkai Star Rail

Characters: HSR Cocolia x fem! reader (trailblazer)

Type: Smut and Angst (comfort sex, fingering, oral, scissoring, kissing, Cocolia doesn't die because we protect fine women like her <3

W.C: Uh....very long. This is pretty much a rewrite of the mission, please bear with me :(

The moment you laid your eyes on her, you were mesmerised. She appeared like a goddess, a queen— so regal, commanding, beautiful yet harbouring something....cold deep within. The moment your eyes met her violet ones, you felt a connection, an unknown feeling awakened inside you.

"Welcome, visitors from beyond the Eternal Freeze, or perhaps I should say from beyond the sky. I'm Cocolia Rand, the Supreme Guardian of Belobog. I would be grateful if you could tell me why you have come."

The enchanting woman in front of you spoke, her eyes gazing at you and your allies. You felt her look at you particularly, the same violet eyes staring deeply into you and making you entranced.

"Ahem, Y/n— answer her." March whispered to you, making you come back to your senses and blink a few times.

"Apologies, thank you for accepting us. It's surprising that you don't seem to doubt our identity."

"Hehe~ Do you want me to doubt it? Or are you not confident in it yourself? Rest assured, I don't doubt it. I can see you are not from this world and....for 700 hundred years, the Architects received no communication from the stars but I knew of your existence. Tell me why you have come."

Dan Heng took over from here and began explaining to her about the Stellaron and the Fragmentum Corrosion that plagued the planet, Cocolia listened intently and seemed slightly surprised that he summed up the planet's situation down to the exact details.

"I see....You understand our situation well but, I fail to understand why you would want to help us. Even if this Stellaron you speak of did bring about disaster, I fail to see its connection to you. I don't believe that anyone would go to such lengths to help a world unrelated to them....unless they had something to gain."

You then further explained to her and she eventually agreed to take your help, the negotiation went quite smoothly unlike your expectations but you were glad to see she seemingly trusted you.

"Very well, I'm willing to assist you in any way possible to locate the Stellaron. You must be tired now, I'll have you escorted to our most comfortable hotel to rest. Get a good night's sleep and we can discuss this matter in more detail tomorrow."

"Thank you for believing us, ma'am. We'd be glad to help restore the planet and help you live in prosperity like old times."

You spoke determinedly while looking at Cocolia, making her slightly surprised at your conviction. She gave a small smile and nodded then you turned around to go out with March and Dan Heng but suddenly heard an eerie whisper in your mind, making you stop and look back at Cocolia who was now looking out of the window and pondering.

"What was that? Why does it feel like there's someone with her, speaking to her....?"

You squinted your eyes then shook off the thought and walked out to meet up with Dan Heng and March. You were shown around the city by Gepard before finally being dropped at Goethe Hotel, you bid farewell to March and Dan Heng as they went to their respective rooms to sleep while you went to yours and rested on the bed, pondering about the day's happenings.

"It's been a long day. The Supreme Guardian was really something....so strong, commanding and....beautiful. Her voice was....really attractive too."

Your face turned redder as Cocolia continuously appeared in your mind; there was something about her that had captured your attention— the way she spoke, acted, smiled— everything was captivating you. You shook your head and turned over in bed, trying to keep your thoughts aside and sleep. You had barely closed your eyes when suddenly the same strange whispers echoed in your mind followed by a faint dream.

"Cocolia...Cocolia..." the whisper spoke.

"Wh-Who are you? What are you....?" Cocolia replied back.

"We are allies....allies of the guardians through generations."

"....What do you want?

"To rebuild....this dying world...To help you....achieve your wish."

You struggled around in bed and held onto a pillow, the dream becoming unbearable but it didn't stop yet.

"They will suffer, sacrifice and die because of my order...." Cocolia spoke.

"It is not death which greets them....They will be swept into the infancy of a new world." the whisper replied.

"What about the Underworlders? They will lose the protection of the Architects. They will see me....as a tyrant."

"You have witnessed....the world we have promised. A temporary misunderstanding....for an eternity of prosperity. We will honor....your decision."

"....I understand."

You immediately opened your eyes and sat up on the bed, gasping for breath loudly. You held your head and looked around to see it was still the middle of the night then thought back to what just happened.

"Those voices....Cocolia? And who? Who was she speaking to....? And why can I hear this....? Don't tell me....it was the Stellaron? It can't be....she didn't know what the Stellaron was. Unless....she was lying. Could the whisper I heard there be the same thing....? I need more clues....It seemed like she started talking to it at a young age, or more like it manipulated her from a young age...."

You looked at the time again then firmed your decision and stood up to walk out of the room, discreetly, without waking up March and Dan Heng. You navigated through the city to escape the gaze of the Silvermane Guards and reached the place where the Astral Express was parked.

"Himeko, Welt. I want to talk to both of you."

The two of them came out into the lounge area at your announcement, surprised to see you here all alone.

"Y/n? What happened? Why are you here alone?" Himeko questioned.

"I....I think I figured out something about the Stellaron on this planet. And I need your help, I didn't tell March and Dan Heng yet...."

"Fine, go ahead." Welt replied.

"We met the Supreme Guardian some hours ago and got her approval to let us remove the Stellaron. When I was there, I heard some....eerie whispers for a short moment and it also felt like there was someone else in the room with Cocolia but we couldn't see anything. Then later, when I tried to sleep....I had dreams. I'm not sure but it sounded like the Supreme Guardian was talking to a Stellaron."

Both Welt and Himeko were caught by surprise then pondered for a while before Himeko spoke, "Are you sure, Y/n? Did you also see something?"

"Yes, not very clearly but....it looked like her younger self, she seemed to be in pain and agony, trying to resist the voice but it kept showing her something that she couldn't refuse. It said something like....fulfilling her wish to save the planet by giving her a new world...."

"....I see. It's manipulating her by showing the world it'll make by destroying this current one, and little does she know that the Stellaron won't do anything it showed her....It's simply going to destroy everything and take over the world...." Welt spoke.

You nodded along and looked down in distress, trying to think what to do.

"I....I don't want anything bad to happen to her....Of course, I don't want the planet to suffer either but Cocolia herself too, she just wants to protect everyone and be a good Supreme Guardian and a mother...."

Himeko looked at you sympathetically then smiled softly and patted your head, "It seems we underestimated our newest member, Welt. She exceeded both Dan Heng and March already and is even showing considerable conviction~"

You blushed slightly at her compliment then Welt spoke, "So, do you have any suggestion, Y/n?"

"Uh....maybe we can try talking to her and persuading her before anything else happens. I think she started believing in the Stellaron because their own God didn't do anything for so long, the planet is still facing the Eternal Freeze and the Fragmentum Corrosion has even reached the city."

"Mhm, seems reasonable. Then Y/n, I assign you this mission— meet with the Supreme Guardian and persuade her will, with as little struggle as possible."

"W-Wait, me?! Just me?!" you exclaimed in shock.

"Yes, you. You have to do this, Y/n. You are the only the one who has seen and heard the dreams, you know it clearly unlike any of us. Not to mention, if she is already so persuaded by it then she'll likely show an aggressive nature when you reveal everything to her. If there are too many people then she might see it as an ambush."

"....Alright, I'll do my best."

You exited the train and made your way over the residence of the Supreme Guardian; naturally expecting to meet guards outside, you told them you wished to see Cocolia and they took her permission then escorted you to her chambers. Yes, it was her personal chamber and not the office you had been in earlier. You gently knocked on the door and heard a stern 'come in' then opened to go in and found Cocolia standing near the edge of the bed, wearing a sleeping gown and robe.

"My apologies for disturbing you at this hour, ma'am. I...wished to talk to you about something."

"Was it so important that you couldn't wait until our meeting tomorrow? And I see that your companions aren't here either...."

"Y-Yes, they don't know I'm here. I wanted to talk to you personally."

"Hm, interesting. And here I thought you all were faithful to each other but I suppose everyone has their secrets...."

"....Even you?"

You questioned in between making her slightly surprised then sigh and sit on the edge of the bed.

"If you wish to know, then yes, I do. I do have secrets of my own, some that even my daughter doesn't know."

"I have been wondering for some time, is Bronya your real daughter?"

"No, I adopted her some years ago. But I treat her no less than my own, she will eventually follow in my steps and take up this mantel."

"I see, that's a really kind gesture. To give a home to an orphan and groom her into such a capable adult."

Cocolia looked at you in surprise then smiled and stood up, "Forgive my manners, have a seat if you'd like. Shall I serve you something?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you."

"Hm. Well, was this what you wanted to talk about? My personal life?"

You struggled to answer her as you hadn't really thought out the conversation in advance, but you realized you had to be careful as you couldn't just spring up the question of her alliance with the Stellaron so casually.

"If you don't find it offensive then yes, I did wish to know more about you personally. I was just curious how your life has been, serving as the Supreme Guardian and before it."

"What an intriguing outlander. If I didn't treat you as the highest guest of honor then I would have thrown you into the prison by now."

"Ah....I understand that....I know it's late and we just met, I would offer to tell you about myself too but I unfortunately don't remember anything...."

"You don't remember anything? How very strange...."

You awkwardly looked away, finding it difficult to hold the conversation and move to the important topic.

"....You know, I did wonder about something when I saw you. Why are you with the Astral Express? Why become this....trailblazer?"

"Uh, well....for one, they were the ones who found me when I had just awoken with no memories. They took me in and I have been travelling with them since, Jarilo-VI is the first planet I have visited with them."

"Hm. So....they are like family to you."

"....In a way, I guess. At least they are willing to keep me and treat me well, doing these missions for them is a way of repayment. I somewhat relate with Bronya's situation here...."

"Ah, I suppose you could be seen as an orphan indeed, adopted by the crew."

"Yes and....I won't let any harm come to them, just like how Bronya would always protect you."

Cocolia's eyes widened at that and she looked away with a distressed expression, "I can't say for how long....If she disagrees with me some day then we'll be on opposite sides."

You sensed a weakness, an opening. You cautiously walked towards her and sat beside her on the bed, looking at her with sympathy.

"Is this part of your secret from her?"

Cocolia moved her gaze towards you to be met by a worried expression, catching her off guard. Suddenly, she turned away and you heard the same eerie whisper in your head. You looked at Cocolia and moved slightly closer and heard her mumble, "I know. Just....give me time."

She then turned towards you again and you quickly moved back, resuming your old posture.

"....It is part of it indeed, a secret so grave that she might not see me as her mother anymore."

"I see.....I hope that doesn't happen, the two of you are very affectionate with each other."

"Thank you for your kind words, I hope you can stay with the crew for as long as well."

You smiled then looked around the room slightly before continuing, "So, uhm, what did you do before becoming the Supreme Guardian? I feel like you took up the post at a young age."

"I did, I took up the post as soon as I graduated from my studies. I adopted Bronya just some time after it."

"Oh, so there is a school here."

"What? Did you expect we are so down in the drain that we can't even offer proper education to our citizens?"

"N-No! I'm sorry, I didn't mean that!"

"Hmph, we have all facilities any normal functioning city would. We just have too much ice all around."

"....And the Fragmentum Corrosion."

"Yes, looks like you saw that it has made its way into the city."

"I did, that's why we need to remove the Stellaron as quickly as possible...."

You again heard whisper and saw her turn away from you; this time, you tried to focus what it was saying to her.

"You are....wasting time....Put her....away...."

"I know....I'm just looking for the right moment...."

"She will....create problems...."

"Ma'am? Are you okay?" you called out to her in the middle of the conversation and she turned towards you with a distressed look on her face, almost as if she was in constant pain. 

"I'm fine. Is there more you want to talk about? Unlike you, I do need sleep to maintain my body."

"....What are these whispers that you hear?"

Cocolia was extremely shocked at your question and squinted her eyes into a glare, "What whispers are you talking about?"

"...The voice in your head, it's the Stellaron, isn't it?"

She glared even more and stood up, making you stand up as well and take a few steps away towards the door.

"Seems I underestimated you. You are much more perceptive than your companions."

"It has been talking to you since a young age, hasn't it?!"

"Silence! Do not question this further. Guards!"

She shouted and 2 Silvermane Guards immediately came inside the room with weapons.

"Put her in the prison, she is a traitor now!"

"Wait, listen to me! I know what it is and what you hear! It's controlling you! You are being brainwashed! Don't listen to it!"

You shouted as you fought with the guards, knocking them out one by one.

"The Stellaron won't save the planet! It only wants to destroy everything, it won't rebuild it the way it has shown you!"

"How dare you speak of the true God this way?! Our God has long abandoned us and this our only hope!"

"It isn't, it's going to destroy everything! Your home, your people, your daughter!"

Cocolia was suddenly taken aback and became silent before raising her arm and shouting, "I was going to wait until morning but....In the name of the Supreme Guardian, I hereby strip you of your freedom and beseech the highest degree of treason on you and your companions!"

You gritted your teeth and heard sound of fast approaching footsteps hence prepared to escape as quickly as possible.

"Please think about what I said. I promise to save you."

You ran out of the fort with hordes of guards behind you, you were soon surrounded by even more guards then heard Dan Heng and March coming towards you. They cleared a way for you and the three of you ran away together into the alley you had seen before.

"How did you both know where I was?!"

"We have been following you since you left the hotel." Dan Heng replied.

"That's right! Don't you dare abandon us and run away on your own like that ever again, Y/n!" March 7th followed in.

You eventually met up with Sampo again and followed him as he took you three away from the guards. Bronya had also caught up in the pursuit as you all reached the Underground and formed a temporary truce while looking for the Wildfire group. After you had left, Cocolia was in deep thought. The words you spoke resonated deeply with her and she pondered over her actions but the voice of the Stellaron soon plagued her again, sending her into the same torment she had been tolerating for years.

"Look what happened....she knew....It's your fault..."

"Shut up! She...she....she is right..."

"We showed you what we'll give you....you accepted it....You know the truth"

"When I finally had someone who understood me....you took them away...."

"Useless sentiments....it's your duty as the guardian to do this...."

Cocolia clenched her head then stood up, her resolution firm once again, "I know...it will all be over soon."

Upon making allies with the Wildfire group, you had been escorted to the Goethe Hotel in the Underground to rest. In the past few days, you had gathered a lot of information about the planet and Cocolia as a person. You talked to Bronya as she was the closest to her and found out more about her and how she had been ruling in recent times. All the things connected too well— she lost faith in the Preservation and started following the Stellaron as it promised a new world to her free from the disaster.

You were currently laying down on your bed at the hotel, thinking about your mission and about Cocolia. You did not want her to go down this path of ruin any longer, the times you heard her thoughts, you also sensed her pain and suffering. You could sense how much she had tried to resist it but she was only human, the continuous torment weighed on her too much. Just then, the whisper returned again and another dream flashed before you.

"I lost her....My wish, your so-called plan....What is the point of it all?" Cocolia barely spoke, her voice shaking from the constant despair she was facing.

"Your grief....sorrow....useless sentiments....abandon them all..."

"Silence! She is my daughter, my only....You soulless thing— how could you begin to fathom!? You will never understand....Never!"

"You did not lose her....She waits to be reunited with you on the other side."

"A new world...."

"Rise....guardian. Fulfill your destiny...Fulfill a mother's wish."

The voices finally stopped and you were on shaking by now, it felt too much to you. Her pain, sorrow, grief— everything was shared with you and made you scared, uncertain. How did she survive for so long with all that constant torment? How is she still carrying on her Guardian's Will? She was no frail woman but no ordinary human could tolerate such mental torture for so long.

"I need to do something quick. She's....dying, she's practically dying like this....Would she listen to Bronya? Maybe, I can try. They have ignored the Underworld for so long, now Bronya has seen it and she understands.....But, there needs to be something more concrete, she needs to be shown that the Amber Lord is still watching over them."

You had talked to Bronya soon after and explained her everything you had been experiencing, trying to make her understand how her mother had been suffering for such a long time all because she wanted to save the planet. Yet, your attempts had been in vain so far and here you were, at the battlefield of ice and snow, facing Cocolia in all her power.

You fought and struggled, trying to find a way to turn her over but her will was unshaken. The Stellaron gave her immense power, she awakened the Engine of Creation which created even more obstacles for you but you were determined. You were going to defeat the Stellaron and bring her back, there was no way you were going to leave her.

"If that thing is the Stellaron then....we need to weaken it to power her down." you thought while looking at the structure beside you that was radiating an eerie and powerful glow. You turned to face your comrades and called them near to explain your plan.

"Bronya, you said you heard the Stellaron there, right?" Bronya nodded. "Okay then, help me reach her up there and when I signal, all of you attack that structure with all your powers. You can't destroy it but we just need an opening for me."

Everyone was surprised at your proposition but agreed as they trusted your judgement, they readied themselves and assisted you as you navigated your way atop the Engine of Creation and be face to face with Cocolia again.

"You again....What a persistent little one you are."

"I promised to save you and make things right, I'm going to keep it!"

"Hmph, big words from a gullible Nameless! Only I understand that Stellaron is the true hope for this world, your name will be engraved on the foundation of the new world that the Stellaron has promised!"

She drew more of the Stellaron's power and transformed into a new form, complete with accessories made of ice and her body reflecting the galaxy. She summoned a lance and jumped at you, piercing you in the left side of your chest, very near to the heart. You gasped and were pushed back from the force but held yourself in place by holding onto the lance, she struggled and applied more force to thrust it deeper when you suddenly heard the whispers in your mind that were also in Cocolia's mind.

The whispers soon faded away and your mind went numb from the pain, you then found yourself in a place surrounded by nebulous stars, seemingly enveloped by an amber-colored destiny. A small child was in front of you who called itself the Guardian's Will, it spoke about the Supreme Guardian's duties and how it felt it had failed them since even the strongest minds could succumb to dark desires like this.

"We could not deny the will of the Stellaron after all...The Fragmentum had been expanding for the past 700 years. There is no faith nor wealth left for our successors...only despair. To see the home we vowed to preserved wither away....That in itself is torture. Not to mention the haunting whisper of temptation...." the child spoke.

"....Cocolia only did what she did to save the planet, your home. The Stellaron tormented her for awful long years, she has experienced so much pain and suffering all for the Will that she succeeded into. She felt she found a way, even if that way leads to destruction first but she saw paradise beyond it. That is why she succumbed, for her people, for humanity."

"....What are you implying, outsider? The day will come when even the strongest of wills cannot help but give in to such influence. It is only a matter of time before the Amber Lord forsakes us."

"I'm saying she needs to be guided again! She has a good heart and a strong will; she is a good mother and did her duties exceptionally all this time. You can't abandon her like this!"

"You wish to save her? You, a stranger, seek to bind your destiny to hers?"

"....I don't want to be a hero. I just want everyone to be well and happy, that includes her too."

"Hm, very well. Touch the light of the Amber, trailblazer. See if your will can attract their gaze."

You walked up to the shining fiery lance and proceeded to touch it, only to feel slightly burned by the intense heat. You remembered Cocolia's face and firmed yourself to be stronger, you were going to do this for her. You grasped the handle and pulled out the lance when you saw a faint imagery of a higher existence, the Amber Lord. At the same time, your consciousness was restored in your body and you found yourself at the same place like before.

You were tightly holding Cocolia's lance as it pierced you and she was unable to shake you off. You gasped and opened your eyes to look around then clenched her lance tighter, channeling fire through it which made Cocolia shocked and she tried to retract back but you reacted faster.

"Now! Everyone do it now!" you shouted as loudly as possible and at your command, everyone down below attacked the Stellaron with all their strength. Cocolia felt her power weaken for a few moments and held her head, that's when you established a connection with her and showed her what you had previously seen.

"Look, Cocolia! The Amber Lord! He's still there, the Will of the Preservation lives on! Don't listen to the Stellaron anymore!!"

Cocolia heard your words loud and clear, she found herself in the place you were at earlier and gazed at the Amber Lord for a brief moment. Her body trembled at its presence and she kneeled down in horror, trying to grasp the situation. However, this is as long as you had. The Stellaron repelled your allies and established its connection with Cocolia again, causing you to be pushed back with the lance still pierced in your body.

You both fell down to the platform below where everyone else was and pulled out the lance with all force you had and it soon turned into a weapon of fire; at the same time, Cocolia turned back to her normal form and was struggling very hard against the Stellaron's impending influence. Dan Heng and Bronya helped you stand up and watched as Cocolia struggled around, kneeling down and holding her head.

"Out of my way!" you shouted and ran up to Cocolia to hold her, the Stellaron was not letting her go and continued feeding its powers to her.

"The Fragmentum Corrosion will overwhelm her if this goes on!"

You thought hard and fast, time was running out. Cocolia now clenched her chest as a light started glowing around it and for the first time, she uttered her plea, her cry for help with a trembling and pained voice.

"H-H....Help....Please....I don't w-w....want to...."

You were caught by surprise then firmly held her shoulders and made your decision, this was the only way you could think of. You leaned forward and connected your lips to her, her body immediately stopping at the sudden contact. You heard gasps of surprise from behind you, not surprising but you had no time to care for them. You connected with the Stellaron that was powering her and channeled your own energy to overpower it.

"Get out! Leave her alone!"

The moment lasted for a short while, the Stellaron had left its control over her and you released the kiss. You opened your eyes and gazed into her teary yet gentle ones, clearly surprised by what you just did but she soon fainted in your arms before she could say anything. She clearly exhausted all her strength earlier but she was fine and breathing, that's all you cared about. 

Your companions walked around you as you picked up Cocolia in your arms bridal style and stood up. March was blushing and covering her face in excitement, she was ready to burst out any moment. Dan Heng had his usual stern expression; Seele was grinning in a weird way while Bronya seemed embarrassment but was the first to clear her throat and speak.

"Ahem, thank you for your help, all of you....especially you, Y/n."

"N-No, it's okay....Happy to help...."

Bronya smiled, "We can keep mother at the residence then discuss what to do from now on."

You nodded then looked at Dan Heng, "We have to inform Welt and Himeko to deal with the Stellaron now."

"I know, I already did that. They'll be here soon. Now that the Stellaron is sealed, the Eternal Freeze will slowly recede. The Fragmentum won't aggressively expand anymore, but nor will it disappear. Jarilo-VI has a chance to return to life, but it will take time..."

You smiled then looked at Bronya and Seele, "I'm sure they'll handle it."

Exchanging nods of agreement, you proceeded to go to Qlipoth Fort to place Cocolia in her room and let her rest. The guards were ready to attack you but seeing you carry Cocolia that way made them retract back and wait for further orders. An eventful day finally came to an end, you went to the Underworld and explained the situation to them as discussed with Bronya until Cocolia awakens so you can further decide what to do.

It seems your expedition had come to an end, now it was in the hands of the people of Belobog to take it from here. You spent the day bidding farewell to all your companions before you finally returned to the Astral Express to continue your journey. You had wished to meet Cocolia one last time before leaving but it seems that was not quite possible, nobody knew when she would wake up and you were to leave as soon as possible.

It was the morning of next day, you woke up to find messages from Bronya telling you that Cocolia had woken up and was asking to see you. Surprised yet relieved, you informed Himeko and excused yourself to go to Qlipoth Fort since you had time, the train was scheduled to depart in the afternoon. You were escorted to Cocolia's chamber, the same one from earlier. You saw her sitting on the edge of the bed and stand up as soon you entered, the two of you looking at each other shyly.

"Uh...do sit down, Y/n. Would you like something to eat and drink?"

"Um, just a coffee is fine...."

Cocolia nodded with a smile and ordered her butler who soon served 2 cups of coffee to both of you. You sat upon the bed beside each other, finding it difficult to speak. All of a sudden, you felt nervous around her, you couldn't look her in the eye. You would feel your face heat up at her gaze and you'd stutter your words, almost appearing like a fool.

"....I heard everything from Bronya. And I do remember many things myself now that I have recovered sufficiently."

"I-I see...."

"It was all my fault....my weakness made everyone suffer so much...The people of the Underworld I neglected, my guards that I sacrificed with no remorse, the friendships I broke and....threatened my own daughter's life. I don't think I can ever forgive myself...."

You looked at her wide eyed then gently held her hand, causing her to face you. "Don't blame yourself this way, you only did what you felt was right for the planet, to save it. The Stellaron manipulated you, it's not your fault."

"....I couldn't resist it's influence. If I was strong enough and held on to the Preservation then none of this would have happened."

"Yet you tolerated the Stellaron's torment for so long, that's no ordinary feat. That shows how strong you are, for not breaking for so long. You have what it takes to bear the Guardian's Will, don't think you are undeserving."

"You...." Cocolia fumbled on her words, tears filling her eyes as she gazed at you and recalled all that you did.

"You had no reason to do all this yet you....went so far for me...."

"I...I didn't do much...."

"You did...You saved me and all of us....How can I ever repay you....?"

She came closer and cupped your face, gazing at you with love and causing you to blush. 

"D-Don't worry about those things....I just wanted everyone to be well and happy, that's all. I don't want anything in return."

Tears rolled down her cheeks which she wiped away then moved her hands towards your chest, "I'm sorry for hurting you. Does it still pain? Did I leave a scar?"

You smiled then moved your shirt down slightly, exposing some of your chest to show her.

"See? Everything is fine. I don't know how but the lance didn't pierce my skin at all, or maybe it did but I healed and I didn't even realize it...."

You chuckled and she smiled in return looking at you, you had unintentionally come very close to her face. Your eyes trailed over her exquisite features, her captivating violet eyes, long lashes and rosy red lips. She too was gazing at you the same way, your lips enrapturing her as she remembered what you had done the day before.

"I-I'm sorry for....k-kissing you that way yesterday. I stepped into your personal space without permission, it's the only way I could think of to get the Stellaron away from you....."

You blurted out an apology as sincere as you could, you were still overwhelmed by her presence. She squinted her eyes then suddenly held your face firmly, looking at you with determination.

"Then, you have permission now. Do anything....even more than just a kiss."

"W-What—?!"

Your words were blocked as she crashed her lips against yours, engaging in a gentle yet passionate kiss. A softness enveloped your lips instantly, her lips moving with yours in perfect harmony, as if they were made for each other. You felt blissful, a strange yet addicting feeling engulfed you. She was slow and gentle, savoring the feeling and taste of your lips and you of hers. 

Your hands settled on her waist and subconsciously pulled her closer, her body pressed against yours as she pushed you back by your shoulders, making you lean on your elbows. She was practically all over you, capturing you within herself in every way. She was already occupying your mind for days and at this moment, she had your body wrapped around herself as well.

"Aaah~ Mhmm....Y-Y/n~"

She muffled out moans of your name, her tongue swiped your lower lip and you naturally let her in, almost too eagerly in some way. The kiss became rougher as you continued, her tongue swirled with yours in exquisite rhythm. Your hands crawled around her back, sliding into the hip windows of her dress before she finally stopped and abruptly pulled away. Flushed, she straddled your waist and you quickly removed your hands from her body.

"I-I'm so-"

"Ssh~ Don't be, don't you dare be." she placed her finger on your lip, effectively stopping you from uttering the wrong phrase.

She took a moment to compose herself, breathing in and out a few times before shyly looking away.

"Are you sure you want to do this with someone like me....? Y-You know I'm not exactly considered young now, you might want someone your age. Not to mention, all the heinous things I did....I'm not really desirable."

"....I didn't think of those but....I could say the same things. You would be better with someone your age; I have no experience in this so I may not be able to satisfy you. I don't consider myself attractive either, nobody really compliments me for my looks—"

"That's not true! You are really adorable!"

Cocolia exclaimed and held your face, leaning down near you.

"I had found you cute the first time we met; I didn't express it but I really did think that."

Your eyes widened in surprise then you extended you hand towards her face, "What a coincidence. I had found you very beautiful at that time too, I didn't even think about your age. I was just...instantly captivated."

Her face flushed even more; you could look at this adorable expression all day.

"Does that mean you....liked me since then?"

"....I did. I didn't realize it back then but now I do. I really like you."

You spoke honestly, not wanting to hide your feelings any longer. You expected her to be surprised— which she was— but not for long. She instead smiled and gently pecked your lips, "....I like you too. And I want to show my gratitude for all that you did, will you let me?"

There was no need for that but you didn't deny her, you felt this was the only time you could be together like this. Nobody knew how long it would be when you'd return to this planet, and nobody knew how she would change in that time. You had yearned to hold her, feel her and if she was willing as well then there was no greater joy for you.

You both sat up and she proceeded to untie her hair, letting them freely flow before taking off your jacket and t-shirt. She caressed the same spot on your chest as before, possibly still feeling guilty about what she did. She then leaned in and placed soft kisses on the spot, feather like kisses that felt comforting and sent shivers in your body. She moved to your neck and planted more kisses, along with licking and biting at some spots.

"I'll give you a good time. Do tell me if there's something you don't like, I don't want to do something wrong that would....make you hate me." she whispered in your ear while kissing the lobe, her warm breath tickling you and making you squirm in place.

"D-Don't worry, I trust you....I won't hate you, ever."

She smiled in contentment then pushed you down before sliding off her down clothes, her ample breasts displayed in front of your eyes. She sensed your gaze was fixated on her chest, she then leaned down and laced your palms together, fingers interlocking while she initiated a passionate kiss. She seemed to be cautious, considerate that it was your first time. And possibly, she didn't want to hurt you in any form, you were the only one who still loved her this way.

Tears formed in her eyes as you kissed, she became uncontrollable now. She knew things would never be the same with her people, her daughter. She'd most likely be punished once she steps outside this room, and once everyone knew the truth then nobody would ever look up to her the same way again. She released your palms and instead held your face, her lips trembling but she didn't want to part from the kiss.

"I-I'm sorry....really sorry. And thank you....thank you very much...." she mumbled while ghosting over your lips, you felt disheartened and wrapped your arms around her to hold her close. She then started kissing you passionately again, roughly moving her lips with yours. The uncertainty and despair in her mind were reflected in her love, she was desperate and needy but also careful and gentle. 

Before long, her hand slid down to your pants and slipped underneath, making you groan in surprise. She released the kiss to let you breathe, both of you panting while gazing at each other. She crawled down unbuttoned your pants and removed them, leaving you in just your underwear. Your face flushed as she stared at your naked self, but she gave an assuring smile before planting kisses on your stomach.

"You are really cute, Y/n. Your reactions are adorable and I want to see them more~"

You blushed even more and averted your gaze, too embarrassed by her words. She chuckled then gently moved your face up front again and pecking your lips.

"Don't be shy, let me look at you. I want to engrave all your expressions in my mind~"

You slowly nodded then she slid her hand under your panties, gently caressing your folds. Her face buried in your shoulder, lips right near the ear as she whispered sweet praises and encouragement while rubbing your clit. You shuddered; her fingers were slightly cold yet felt so good. Her sweet voice didn't stop mumbling at all, at some point you couldn't make out anymore what she was saying because your mind was hazy from the way her fingers moved.

She gathered your juices and thrusted in, delicately at first to let you get used to and find your sensitive spots. She kept note of your reactions profoundly, she wanted this to be perfect. The jerk of your legs and moans spilling from your lips whenever she touched that one spot gave her all the assurance, your breathing became ragged as she fastened her pace now. She inserted another finger seeing how wet you were and it gave her confidence, confidence that she was doing good.

You bit your lip as you tried to stifle your moans but she instead held it in her teeth to make you release, an indication that she wanted you to let it out as much as you wanted. The action sent you over the edge and she didn't miss that, your walls contracted on her fingers and she started thrusting faster now. Incoherent moans and gasps left your mouth and she relished those.

Cocolia was also strangely quite....motherly during the whole act. She was continuously praising you, encouraging you, telling you how adorable you were. You felt like being pampered, not that you were against it. Perhaps it was in her nature, intentionally or not. She kissed your cheeks before burying herself in your shoulder again, you clenched the bedsheet as you felt your high approaching soon.

"Cumming? Let it out, sweetheart~"

Adding that nickname was the last thing you needed, you had no restraint now. You arched back and released all over her fingers, your eyes shut tight and a loud moan echoing in the room. She smiled and gazed at your panting self before taking out her fingers, coated with your juices. What followed was something even more arousing to you— she licked all your juices from her fingers, not missing a single drop and cleaning it completely. You swear you almost came again watching that sight.

"How sweet....just like you~"

She slurred on her words; oh, how irresistible the sight was.

"Was it good? Something you didn't like or would prefer?" she questioned with sincerity. Even though it was clear how much you liked it, she wanted to be sure.

You smiled and nodded then sat up, she smiled back and was about to lean closer but you suddenly turned over and placed her on the bed instead, straddling her now. She was extremely surprised yet aroused, your eyes glinted with an insatiable desire while gazing at her. She felt like burning at your intense gaze, rubbing her legs together and face turning redder. She was likely not expecting this from you but she couldn't be more ready.

"You said you wanted to show your gratitude through this. Then....I want to show my love, and the fact that I will always support you and be there for you. I know you are feeling very distressed over what happened, you are blaming yourself too much for it all. I-I know it may seem like empty words considering I won't be here but—"

Cocolia quickly pulled you down and crashed your lips onto hers, preventing you from speaking further.

"Don't say more, don't...." you smiled then she pulled you down and hugged you, your head enveloped between her boobs while she caressed your hair. 

You blushed and moved your hands to cup her breasts and knead them, soft gasps leaving her mouth. You attached your mouth to her nipple and flicked your tongue, her chest instantly heaving and back arching as she gasped out. You swirled your tongue around the hardened bud while pinching the other one, she was holding you close the whole time, almost hugging you like a baby.

You sucked on her nipple then released it with a pop, continuing to plant kisses down her stomach until you reached her core. You spread her legs making her shiver in anticipation, she was already so wet, clearly inviting you. Her scent engulfed your senses, you pecked her clit and she instantly cried out then attempted to close her legs but you held them open. You then smirked and wrapped your lips around the sensitive clit, licking long strips over it before sucking.

Her head flew back and fingers intertwined in your hair, her hips jerked up and she moaned out loudly. "Aaah~ Y-Y/n.....More....Hahn!~"

You complied and sucked on her clit harder before licking her walls and inserting your tongue inside, your thumb was playing with her bud while you scissored your tongue inside her spongy hot walls. Juices flowed down as her grip in your hair tightened, you could feel her move her hips on her own as your tongue thrusted in and out. 

Cocolia cried out and moaned feverishly, messy whines accompanied by incoherent words filled the room. Her thighs enclosed around your face giving you the chance to raise her body up and go deeper with your tongue, that had her undone soon enough. She pulled you closer in and you religiously ate her out, taking a moment to look at her face which was drowned in pleasure and laced with sweat.

"Y/n! Cumming!~ I'm cumming! Aaaaaahn!~"

She released her sweet and addicting juices over your tongue and you delightedly drank them, savoring the taste. You put her legs down and gazed at her panting self, she smiled and extended her arms for you to come in and hug her, wrapping her whole body around you and holding you contently.

"You said it's your first time but that was really good, didn't seem like you were inexperienced at all." she mused, kissing your forehead.

"Really? I'm glad then."

You raised yourself up and gently kissed her lips, gazing at each other for a while before you crawled back again and settled yourself between her legs. She was confused for a moment but soon understood what you were doing as you intertwined your legs with hers, making a scissor formatting. She flushed with excitement and embarrassment, she didn't expect this from you but she would be lying if she said she didn't want this.

You came closer and slowly rubbed your clits together, an electrical feeling going through both of you. She watched you from beneath as you groaned and whined, picking up the pace and finding the right rhythm. You too watched her from above, her boobs jiggling with your thrusts and her eyes glimmering dark with hunger. 

You planted your hands beside her and leaned down more before vigorously rubbing against her. You moaned in unison, your clits rolling with ease due to your juices coating one another. Her own hips began rolling upwards while her hands wrapped around your back and clenched your skin, nails digging in and leaving marks. 

"Mhmmm~ Faster Y/n! M-More!~"

She shamelessly whined, her clit is hard and throbbing, wet with arousal. You could see her body tremble and how she wriggled with the tension building in her stomach. She looked like an absolute goddess, a queen, so needy for you. Her head flew back and she wailed in pleasure before biting on your shoulder to stifle her moans, you hissed as you felt her teeth sink in and suck on your skin. You were sure a bright mark would be left, not that you minded it. If anything, you wanted her to leave more such marks.

You rutted your hips faster and so did she, your cunts were wet and messy with each other's juices, she squealed and jerked up as she came all over your cunt. You wanted to continue more and take in more of her heavenly expressions but you soon approached your own release as well and came over her. Both of you crying out in pleasure together then you fell atop her and she lovingly held you close, planting soft and sweet kisses on your shoulder and face.

Sometime later, you were lying down beside each other under the sheets. Your face was nestled comfortably on her chest while she ran her fingers through your hair and hummed softly. Both of you felt at peace and were comfortable, your arm wrapped over her waist and she occasionally planted kisses on your head.

"Y/n, I wanted to tell you something."

"Yes?"

"I....I have decided to give up the position of Supreme Guardian."

You were taken by surprise and looked up at her, "Why? Are you still—"

"No, that's not it. I feel it's the right time. It's true what I did is also weighing on me and the judgement panel will likely strip it off me anyways but....I do feel I should give it now. Bronya is more than capable, she has even seen how the Underworld is and I trust in her to make Belobog prosperous again. I don't want to hide the truth of what happened, it's okay if the people end up hating me. It's their right and I deserve it. I will accept whatever punishment is bestowed upon me and wish Belobog a happy future with their new leader."

"Cocolia....are you sure?"

"I am, and you gave me the courage for it. I'm okay with this...."

You slowly nodded as you knew she has made this decision with all her heart and there likely is no other way. You thought for a moment then an idea came to you which you weren't sure of saying but firmed yourself.

"Then, I have a suggestion."

"Hm? What is it?"

"Come with me, aboard the Astral Express. Become one of us, we'll travel together and stay with each other. I'm sure the crew will listen if I insist and I know they don't hate you, they will accept you."

Her eyes widened in shock and she wasn't sure of what to say, "Y/n....I appreciate your offer but....I can't leave Bronya alone. I can't make her bear the responsibility and just leave without offering any aid...."

"You can. You just said she's more than capable. And she has many people by her side, there's Seele, Serval, Gepard, all the people of the Underworld— I know she will be able to handle."

Cocolia thought for some time then nodded, "Alright, I'll see what I can do after the judgement. Will you wait for me until then?"

You smiled, "Of course, I will. I have anyways delayed our time of departure so might as well stay a bit more~"

"Did you not inform them?"

"I did— but I didn't foresee doing this before coming here, you know?~"

You teased making her giggle and peck your lips before holding you closely again. Time came to pass and you were back at the Express and explained the situation to everyone. Welt scolded you for leaving like that without any information while Himeko calmed the situation and accepted your request. More time passed and you heard the door of the train open, a visitor coming in.

You went to check in the lobby and found none other than Cocolia standing there with a bag in her hand, she smiled looking at you then spoke. 

"May I come aboard the Astral Express and travel with everyone?"

She said intently and you smiled widely then lunged into her arms, tightly hugging her with happiness. 

"I wish to stay with you from now on, Y/n...." she whispered while hugging you and you happily nodded. No matter where the journey was going to go from here, you were glad to have the woman you love beside you during it.

[thereadingchallengechallenge]

When I heard about Dracula Daily, I was impressed by the concept of it but wasn’t interested in participating because I read Dracula on audiobook in February and didn’t think I needed to start reading it again in May. I figured I’d just follow along with everyone’s little jokes and chuckle to myself and that would be it.

I signed up after 3 days.

Because even if you were familiar with the book before, Dracula Daily has been a whole ‘nother animal. It’s been a cultural moment that, even if Matt decides to run this again next year, won’t be repeatable. I was lucky to realise that early on, so that I could be a part of it, because I know I’d be regretting it now if I hadn’t.

There’s a quote in the epilogue that stuck out to me:

“It was almost impossible to believe that the things which we had seen with our own eyes and heard with our own ears were living truths.”

Our good friend, Jonathan Harker, might as well be writing about us. No matter how many people do Dracula Daily again, no matter how many of us revisit the book or the films or the story in any form in the future, what we’ve had here on tumblr is singular. No one would believe the things we have seen, even though we have the proofs of our wild story.

So here’s to reading a 125-year-old novel a little bit at a time, and making truly hilarious jokes about the most nonsensical parts of it. Dracula Daily has been tumblr at its best and for that I am truly grateful.

[taylortruther]

I've been following the discourse on The Alcott, which I love, and I couldn't resist chiming in (long-time reader, first time sending an ask hehe). I agree a lot with everything that has been said, and even though The Alcott is canonically about Matt and his wife, I do think aspects of Taylor's dynamic with Joe towards the end inevitably bled into it.

In the song, The Alcott is a place sacred to the lovers bc it's where one of them runs off after a fight and the other one chases after them, and in the Alcott (could be a bar or cafe), they manage to reconcile. To me, "I get myself twisted in threads to meet you at The Alcott" is the charcater saying that he will do whatever is neccessary to meet his lover at this place of reconciliation in order to fix things after a fight, no matter how hard it might be, but in a way it's also the character saying that he will pick fights over silly things, as in having to do mental gymnastics ("get twisted in threads") to find something to fight over just to get the chance to meet her at the Alcott, bc even if the rs is going through a horrible rough patch where they're emotionally distanced from each other, causing a fight would force them to at least feel something towards the other and talk, and that is better than feeling nothing, even if the emotion is anger. He knows exactly where she will be bc that's where she retreats to when they fight ("I'd go to the corner in the back, where you'd always be"), and seeing her there reassures him that that's where she (and him) will continue to run to in the future: not away from each other, but to this place of reconciliation. She's "writing something about someone that used to be me [him]", which could be a way of saying that she's now writing about someone else that she might be falling in love with as she's falling out of love with him. However, to me it feels more like a reference to how in the last couple of years (see the Joe songs on Midnights) Taylor reverted to writing about the beginning of their rs, back when things were good and joyful, bc at the present things were very bad and she desperately wanted to get back to how good it once was; hence why she's writing about it. I agree that "the last thing you wanted" and "the first thing I do" is referring to saying "I love you"; the reason why it's the last thing she wants could be bc that's how he usually tries to fix his wrongs in an easy way and she's tired of him saying that but not actually making an effort with his actions, which I do think Joe was guilty of towards the end. Or, alternatively, it could be bc the charcater has fallen out of love with him and therefore doesn't want him to say "I love you" bc she can't truthfully say it back. "I tell you my problems, you tell me the truth" could also be in this context: he tries to apologize by telling her his issues, she tells him that the truth is she no longer loves him. In the context of Joever, however, imo it refers to Joe telling her all the problems he has with her excessive fame and the public attention on them that it implies etc, and Taylor being honest about how songwriting and performing are an essential part of who she is, and giving it up forever would be devastating to her. But that she would do it for him if it could save them.

The fact that he waits for her to look up makes me think that he's cautious bc she might still be angry and/or that he doesn't have the courage to initiate the apology, and instead waits for her to do it or tries figure out what to say that will earn her forgiveness. "How many times will I do this and you'll still believe?" shows that he knows he screwed up badly and has done so repeatedly, yet she still always forgives him bc that's how much she believes in their love and wants to fight for it. How long can the relationship withstand and survive his repeated offenses again and again though? (which goes back to "how long could we be a sad song till we were too far gone to bring back to life?").

"Tell me which side are you on" is very interesting in reference to the "you fire off missiles cos you hate yourself" in Renegade and the "I tried to be your bravest soldier, fighting in only your army, frontlines don't you ignore me" in YLM. She's saying "why are you fighting against me, when we're supposed to be fighting together? I'm not the enemy, I'm always on your side and fighting for you", yet he still (consciously or subconsciously) treated her like the enemy, blaming her for things that were completely out of her control and all the outside stuff that they thought was the cause of their rs problems, instead of being on her side and fighting for her too. He left her all alone on the frontlines and not only ignored her efforts but also contributed to the missiles fired her way. Will be very interesting if she further develops the Archer metaphor in TTPD, under the theme of "I had only arrows as defense from your angry missiles and your love bombs" or something akin.

"Have I become one of your problems?" seems like her conclusion to him telling her his problems: apparently, they all have to do with her/her career. Yet, she's clearly exhausted and drained by their fights, and desperately wants it to be easy for once, so she puts the blame on herself ("everything that's mine is a landmine"), knowing that her continued forgiveness and desire to love him could redeem and heal him but it could also very much enable him to keep hurting her ("did my love aid and abet you?").

Then, as the lovers sing "I'll ruin it all over for you" together, they're both accepting the blame for the fight equally, which is the ideal conflict resolution (but sadly, not at all how I think it went with Taylor and Joe towards the end).

The back and forth in the last chorus is particularly gut wrenching to me. In a way, it echos the desperate begging and pleading in the bridge of YLM, but in this case it's softer, more hopeful perhaps, and as you and anon said, it alludes to pain and pleasure (both emotional and sexual): she's telling him "go ahead, shit on my art and my job, rip it off me, set the terms and conditions you want ("read my sentence out loud"); anything to save our love" but there's also a darkness to this, where she would rather he use her for his own physical pleasure even when still mad at her bc that way he at least feels something for her, which is very 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 but it goes to back to how in the beginning of the song he says he will pick fights in order to at least make her feel something (anger/rage) towards him, instead of remaining in the coldness and disconnect in which they were before. Florence + The Machine's song "Dream Girl Evil" describes this type of dynamic very well imo (which is even more😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫), where sex is used as both a weapon during conflict and as a means of resolution. I do think this was the case with Taylor and Joe after their honeymoon phase (False God, Afterglow) and also towards the very end, hence the TTPD cover. During folkmore it seems like they had a couple of years where they learned to use their words to resolve arguments instead of resorting to sex, but unfortunately went back to that dynamic when the rs started to fall apart.

In this way, the metaphorical Alcott for Taylor and Joe was the bedroom ("you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis"): it became their sacred place of reconciliation. Their love, once a blessing, is now a curse, but a curse that she loves and cherishes bc it's theirs, it keeps them together, within this home (both physical and metaphorical) they have built together over the years; she sees no other option but loving him (as we know, Taylor thought she would die if she lost him). All of this is emulated in the beautiful yet vulnerable and almost sad way in which Taylor sings the last "back in love with you": in The Alcott, sacred place for the lovers, they reconcile and fall back in love with each other.

I didn't mean for this to turn into an essay but oh well 😅 those are my two (or twenty) cents. Would love to hear what you and the anons think! Also, I love reading your blog, your takes are brilliant :)

i don't have much to add, because i like just letting this interpretation just sit on its own! but i do love that your interpretation of the alcott being the bedroom fits in perfectly with the discussions we've been having the last 2-3 days.

other things i really liked here:

Will be very interesting if she further develops the Archer metaphor in TTPD, under the theme of "I had only arrows as defense from your angry missiles and your love bombs" or something akin.

me too!!! how will the combat theme she discusses so often evolve in ttpd?

also intrigued by this:

"Tell me which side are you on" is very interesting [...] She's saying "why are you fighting against me, when we're supposed to be fighting together? I'm not the enemy, I'm always on your side and fighting for you",

and:

Or, alternatively, it could be bc the charcater has fallen out of love with him and therefore doesn't want him to say "I love you" bc she can't truthfully say it back. "I tell you my problems, you tell me the truth" could also be in this context: he tries to apologize by telling her his issues, she tells him that the truth is she no longer loves him

this was my first take!

but what i've noticed is that everyone has a different opinion on which role taylor is occupying (the one going to the alcott and confessing, or the one receiving the confession.)

also, i feel the need to address this for the readers: no, we do not know which parts specifically that taylor wrote, and she did write this from the pov of matt berninger's wife. acknowledged!

[hoshinoyozora]

The Red Darling

🖤 Pairing: Yandere! Vil Schoenheit x Female! Reader

💛 Word Count: 2,7k+

❤ Warnings: -

[Edited]

Do not re-upload my writing to another website or use it without my permission. Also, don’t ask for a sequel unless I like the story enough to write one. Please reblog so other people can see my stories!

***

I’ve been obsessed with Luz’s song called Darling Blue. The storyline is still confusing to me, but the old song vibes is just *chef’s kiss* I might just write the Neige version. Also, Epel here isn’t/wasn’t Vil’s junior.

“Honestly, how could she neglect her own health like this?”

Vil sighed as he exited the Magicam that once showed the video of you signing your albums to the fans. It wasn’t the first time he’d watched it, nor was it the first video he’d ever watched, but it wasn’t what he focused on the most. It was your sluggish movements, your droopy eyes, your stifled yawns, and your fatigued smiles. Your fans might not see those signs, or they might choose to ignore them, but he did see and he did pay attention.

After all, Vil Schoenheit was your biggest fan.

Despite your imperfect voice, he admired how you always strived to improve yourself. He, out of all people, knew perfection didn’t exist yet he chose to be the best version of himself anyway. Although, there was a lingering regret that Vil wasn’t able to find and support you from the beginning of your career. Regardless, he wasn’t too late. He was there when you performed in a small stage, and he was there when you performed in a bigger stage.

But it seemed that you tried too hard this time.

Pressing a certain number, Vil put the phone to his ear.

“Hello, Adella. When is [Name]’s next concert?”

“Huh? This is the first time you ask that kind of thing.”

“Just tell me already.”

“Wait, let me check.” There was a momentary pause, and Vil tapped his foot impatiently. “It’s on the second week next month. Why?”

“I need the VIP ticket.”

“What?!”

“Do not make me repeat myself, Adelle.”

“O-oh, of course. I’ll purchase the ticket and send it to you as soon as possible.”

“Good, thank you. I’ll be sure to repay the money.”

He turned off the call before she could utter another word and huffed. Honestly, why was she so surprised? It wasn’t as if he’d ever hidden his fondness for you, even if he didn’t particularly gush over you like many of your fans did.

Stroking the photo of you smiling to the camera with a microphone in hand, while the crowd was cheering on you from below the platform, Vil leaned forward and kissed your face. It was his favorite photo due to the perfect mixture of spotlight and sweat that illuminated your glowing features.

And very soon, he’d be able to see it from up close.

***

You sighed wistfully as you stared at the photos of you and your ex, Epel. Your relationship used to be a secret, as it should, due to his status as a mere apple juice merchant. But, suddenly, a news broke out that one of his products was apparently poisoned and it froze the victim until morning. They sued him, and although it was fortunate that he didn’t get imprisoned, Epel still lost a significant amount of money and fame. You tried to help him, because you knew he was planning to propose you, but Epel feared for your futures.

And, thus, he decided to break up with you.

You were devastated, although deep down, you were still in denial of his charges. Epel was the type to pick a fight with someone if they pissed him off rather than poisoning them. Not ‘manly’, he’d say. And yet, even that wasn’t enough to save your relationship. Wasn’t enough to make him believe in you the same way you did in him. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he couldn’t. Too much was at stake here, and no matter how much you tried to convince him that you could be the breadwinner later on, he still refused. For him, a job was another part of his pride.

And now, not even his apple cutting skills could save him from shame. Internally and externally.

So, you threw yourself to work. You practiced day and night, all to forget the depression that crept up on you when there was no music as a distraction and to avoid your manager’s scolding. There was only so much she could tolerate from you, and isolating yourself in your room might just be the end of her patience. The exhaustion shook your body, worsened by the starvation caused by your diet, but you forced yourself to smile. To your fans, and now…

“Vil Schoenheit will be attending your concert later as a VIP. Please show your best self.”

To him.

It wasn’t as if you hated him. Oh, no. If you looked at it from another angle, his perfectionism was admirable. He showed and deserved nothing less. In fact, you could even say you preferred him than Neige. But today was different. Today, you were at your worst self. You didn’t even know if you could survive five minutes on the stage. What would the Vil Schoenheit think of you, then? Being the second most famous actor in Twisted Wonderland was bound to sway some opinions easily, and after all the hard work you’d put in, you didn’t know how to handle the breakdown should you fail to impress him later on.

And you succeeded, even if it was just barely. Otherwise, your manager wouldn’t have told you that he was waiting for you at his private room. At the very least, you managed to stand and smile at the crowd and cameras earlier. It was still an achievement in itself, no matter how petty it seemed.

“Excuse me, Schoenheit? My manager said you want to talk to me.”

“Oh, yes. Come here, and don’t call me Schoenheit. It looks like you’re calling my father instead.”

You tittered and sat down beside him with enough distance to be appropriate.

“So, what do you want to talk about?”

“I’ll be honest, you didn’t reach the high note in your first song.”

You flinched, not expecting the abrupt comment. You knew you made a lot of mistakes, especially recently, but it still stung.

“I-I see. I was trying, though.”

“I know, but your exhaustion has hindered your performance. I expect you to take care of yourself the same way you do to your work.”

He was right, but it didn’t mean you could accept it easily. It wasn’t as if you overworked yourself because you wanted to, anyway.

“… Yes, thank you for your advice, Schoen– I mean, Vil.”

“Don’t just thank me. You should apply it from now on.”

“Of course.”

Somehow, he made you feel as if he was your manager. Or, worse, your mother.

“Therefore, I decided to bring you to dinner with me. Regardless of your mistakes, you still did your best for the sake of your fans. So you deserve a nice meal, at the very least.”

You wondered how many whiplash you’d get from him. First, he suddenly attended your concert as a VIP. Then, he judged your performance so harshly. And now, he invited you to dinner? No, you realized, it wasn’t an invitation. It was an order. And the restaurant wasn’t a typical five star one, either.

No, it was the kind that took months just for a reservation.

Luckily, Vil didn’t talk much during mealtime. He ate calmly and gracefully, savoring each bite. You felt even more conscious of your table manner, and you clumsily tried to follow everything he did. You weren’t sure if you should be flattered or embarrassed when he huffed in amusement.

“Let’s go to my house. I just bought [flavor] tea and I want you to taste them.”

You wondered where did he find out that you liked that particular flavor. Did you tell it to your fans and you happened to forget? If so, then did that mean he was your fan too? The thought flattered you. Of course, it was only logical considering he came to your concert. Still, all of his invitations had been startling despite being a fan. Maybe because he was also as popular as you, if not more.

“You have a lovely home.” you remarked, glancing around the spotless living room.

“Of course. A tidy house reflects a tidy mind.”

You smiled bemusedly, too accustomed by forced humility that his confident answer surprised you a bit. And yet, you found that it suited him very well. He wasn’t lying, anyway, so he deserved to feel proud of himself. You could learn a thing or two about not putting yourself down too much.

“Sit down. I’m going to prepare the tea for a moment.”

The couch was plush and comfy, and after all the whirlwind of activities and the fatigue that came with it, you might as well be falling asleep here.

Luckily, you had a stronger self-control than that.

Your back immediately straightened up when Vil returned with a tray of porcelain cups depicting the poisoned apples. Despite his conduct befitting that of a queen, his elegance when he poured the tea from the teapot was no less amazing.

You sipped the tea as silently and slowly as you could, savoring the flavor and warmth as if it was your last drink. You’d refused the wine from the restaurant earlier, fearing that you’d make a fool out of yourself by getting drunk. It didn’t matter if you could hold up your alcohol well; Vil’s presence demanded only perfection.

“How does it taste like?”

“Refreshing. The scent really calms down my nerves.”

It wasn’t a lie; it did recompose you, even slightly.

“I’m glad you think so. I’ve been wanting to taste this as well.”

You wondered why he didn’t do it himself, but you supposed that drink, just like food, was more delicious and memorable with company.

“Um, may I use the restroom?”

“It’s the third door on the right.”

You passed the kitchen, where the window displayed the darkening sky. Not from the moon, but from the upcoming rain. Hastily, you did your business in fear of being staying over for too long. It smelled vaguely of apple, and the yellow light illuminated the sparkling bathroom. Branded toiletries lined up neatly in the cabinet, and the towels were meticulously white.

It wasn’t until you spotted a slightly ajar door did you stop on your tracks.

Now, of course, you knew curiosity killed the cat. And, in this case, the cat was your job. But when your gut feeling compelled you to approach the room, and see your pictures pinned on the dressing mirrors, you knew it was simultaneously a good and bad thing to do. One of them was you smiling to the camera with a microphone in hand, while the crowd was cheering on you from below the platform. There seemed to be a few lipstick marks on it, cementing Vil’s position as your fan. While the other was a photo of you and Epel, with an X sign crudely slashed onto his face.

It was your anniversary photo, and you wore your best camouflage outfit at that time, so how did he have it? Did the paparazzi stalk you without your knowledge and send it to him somehow? It had to. You couldn’t think of any other possibility.

But the question was why? Why would he have that? You thought he’d at least understand how hard it was to date someone, being a celebrity himself. And yet, the sign on Epel’s face suggested that he didn’t understand, let alone accept it.

He couldn’t accept it.

“Don’t you know that it’s rude to peek into someone’s room?”

You froze, and for a split second, you were tempted to rush inside and slam the door on his face. But that would be a suicidal move, wouldn’t it? It was his room, after all, and he could easily find a key to unlock the door.

“V-Vil,” you tittered. “I’m sorry. Did you wait long?”

The said man squinted at you.

“Long enough to catch a mouse lingering near a place where it shouldn’t be.”

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to be rude, I swear! I was just–”

Curious? Nosy? There was no point in defending yourself, and he knew that. So, you sighed heavily as your shoulders sagged in resignation.

“Why… do you have my photo?” you asked, almost whispering. “The one with my… friend. It was supposed to be a private event. You–” you paused, already doubting your impromptu decision to confront him. Was it even worth digging your grave for the sake of your practically nonexistent privacy? “You shouldn’t have that.”

Vil was quiet for a moment, but you didn’t dare to look up. He didn’t criticize your composure, either, or your posture.

“… Sometimes, I wonder about that too.” he mused softly. “When I first saw that photo, I should’ve burned it to ashes and stomped on it with my heels. But, instead, I let my hands shake and ultimately hang it on the mirror, if not as a source of… motivation.”

Somehow, you had a feeling it wasn’t a good kind of motivation. Your stomach churned at the thought.

“I did a background check on him, and was thoroughly disappointed in your choice of men.”

You flinched instinctively and opened your mouth to defend Epel, but his withering glare silence you quickly.

“I mean, an apple merchant from a small village?” he scoffed. “It was all just too easy, honestly, to set him up. I just needed to have someone buy one of his products, used my unique magic on it, and ordered them to give it to someone so they could have a ‘taste’.”

Your stomach plummeted, and you wished you could run back to the bathroom and puke all of that fancy food earlier.

“I almost pity him, really. He went from poor to destitute, but I suppose it’s still a lot better than death.”

“Why…?” you asked breathlessly, eyes stinging at the upcoming tears. “Why did you do that to him?! What did he do to you until he deserved that kind of fate?! Answer me, Schoenheit!”

His eyes darkened at the name usage just as the thunder boomed outside.

“Because a queen deserves a king by her side.”

You gaped at him. A king? Who was the king? Was it you? If so, didn’t a king deserve a good, sane queen by his side too?

Why did you feel more like a girl under the queen’s unfair wrath instead?

“… It’s getting late.” you mumbled. “I have practice tomorrow. Excuse me.”

Vil grabbed your arm, and you wondered if he could crush an apple with his grip.

“Where do you think you’re going? Can’t you see that it’s pouring out there?” he scolded as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on you. “You’re going to get sick, especially in that kind of condition.”

“It’s fine. I always have a painkiller ready…”

Suddenly, everything started to blur and move upside down. You clasped a hand over your mouth and collapsed to your feet, resisting the urge to vomit all over the marble floor.

“See? I told you.” Vil’s voice sounded distant despite him crouching beside you. “You’re sick, because you’ve been avoiding your much-needed rest. Don’t worry, I’ve told your manager that you’ll be staying with me for a few days.”

You were too weak to fight him, let alone escape from him. So, you allowed him to carry your body inside and lay it on the bed. He pulled the blanket to your chin and stood there for a moment.

“I won’t let you neglect your health anymore, especially over that pauper.” he hissed. “Under my care, you shall return to your best version. And I’ll be there as your number one fan and man.”

Deep down, you knew that your predicament wasn’t just because of your fatigue. He did something to you, to the tea, and you’d been too naïve to believe that the queen couldn’t be evil as well.

And his crooked smirk proved your suspicion.

[weiwuxianismybae]

Wei Wuxian would NOT help Jiang Cheng torture demonic cultivators

So a while ago (and I mean a while ago), I saw the worst take at that moment. If it was just one poster I would have ignored it, but! There were at least 3 people and even art was drawn and all of it to say that if Jiang Cheng was really torturing those non-existent demonic cultivators, than Wei Wuxian would have happily helped his brother! And before anyone comes at me, I don't care what people do with their free time or with their skills. I'm an artist myself and would definitely not appreciate people telling me what I can and can't draw. It's not about that, it's just that their take was so bad that I couldn't ignore it and had to vent about it! So, where do I begin?

Well, let's begin with those demonic cultivators! (I know a bunch of people said it already, but I don't mind repeating it for the slow learners.)

Oh! And keep in mind that mdzs is a third person omniscient narration (not wwx's narration!) That's why we get to read direct thoughts of so many different characters, not just Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Cheng really did torture them. He admits it himself!

A moment ago, Jiang Cheng was certain that this person was Wei WuXian, and all of the blood in his body started to boil. Yet, now, Zidian was clearly telling him that he wasn’t. Zidian definitely wouldn’t deceive him or make a mistake, so he quickly calmed himself and thought, this doesn’t mean anything. I should first find an excuse to take him back and use every possible method to get information out of him. It’s impossible for him to not confess anything or give himself away. I’ve done things like this in the past anyways. After thinking it through, he made a gesture. The disciples understood his intention and came over.

ExR ch. 10

His nephew, who lived half the time in Lotus Pier, also confirms it:

Wei WuXian asked, “Do you know why your uncle wants me?”

Jin Ling answered, “Yeah. He believes that you’re Wei WuXian.”

Wei WuXian thought, 'This time, it’s not merely ‘suspect’ anymore. He’s got the right person.' He asked again, “Then, what about you? Don’t you suspect it as well?”

Jin Ling, “It’s not the first time my uncle did such a thing. He has never let any of them go, even if it was possible that he caught the wrong ones. But, if Zidian couldn’t draw out your spirit, I’m just gonna trust that you’re not. Besides, he wasn’t a cut-sleeve, but you even dared to harass…”

ExR ch. 24

Even the Lan juniors speek of it! Reminder that gossip is forbidden, so this must not be gossip or at least the possibility of it being just some rumours is low.

Lan SiZhui tried to reason with him, “Young Master Mo, it was for your sake that HanGuang-Jun brought you here. If you do not follow us, Sect Leader Jiang will not be willing to let the matter go. During these years, there were countless people whom he caught and took back to Lotus Pier, and none of those people were ever let out.”

ExR ch. 11

And let's not forget the innkeeper from Yunping with her eyewitness!

Wei WuXian moved his gaze from Lan WangJi’s calm face with a short pause of surprise, “Lotus Pier is scary? How could Lotus Pier be scary? You’ve been there?”

The owner, “I haven’t been there myself, but I know someone who went because his house was being badly haunted. But it was all bad luck. That Sect Leader Jiang was cracking a glowing whip right on the training field. The victim’s flesh and blood flew as high as his screams! A servant secretly informed him that the sect leader caught the wrong person again, that he hadn’t been in a great mood, and that he definitely shouldn’t be irritated in any way. He was so scared that he dropped off the gifts he brought and fled at once. He never dared visit again.”

ExR ch. 92

So. There is no point arguing that Jiang Cheng didn't torture those poor people demonic cultivators. So, how about Wei Wuxian? Would he have helped his "brother"?

No.

The answer is simply no.

Wei Wuxian is a kind and caring person. He would never judge and even less attack a person without a good reason. And before someone says, "But he killed so many people! Torture Wen cultivators, massacred 3000 cultivators in the Nightless City! Surely he would–" Let me stop you right there. It was war. Like Mianmian once said:

The woman tried hard to protest, “The Sunshot Campaign is a battlefield. On the battlefield, would it mean that everyone is killing indiscriminately? Let’s consider this as it stands. I really don’t think it’s right to say that he killed indiscriminately. After all, there is a reason. If the inspectors really abused the prisoners and killed Wen Ning, it wouldn’t be called killing indiscriminately anymore, but rather revenge...”

ExR ch. 73

(This passage is in case someone argues that the deaths of those guards were also unjust.)

Wen Chao and his people massacred Wei Wuxian's home. He had every right to exact his revenge. In case someone forgot, this is seen as just by the cultivation world:

Xiao XingChen spoke as though he couldn’t believe Xue Yang’s words, “Chang CiAn broke one of your fingers in the past. If you sought revenge, you could’ve simply broken one of his fingers as well. If you really took the matter to heart, you could’ve broken two, or even all ten! Even if you had cut off an entire arm of his, things wouldn’t have been like this. Why did you have to kill his entire clan? Don’t tell me that a single finger of yours was equal to more than fifty human lives!”

ExR ch. 41

And after that, he never went after people that did him nothing wrong! He even protected the Wen Remnants. (Unlike a certain someone that holds a grudge until the very end, even after that person had saved him countless times!)

In case of the Nightless City, let me paraphrase Wei Wuxian: who attacked whom first? Who had gathered 3000 cultivators to pledge to kill 50 innocent elderly, sick and a child? Who went against their word to let the matter go?

Wei Wuxian is the moral compass and we should aspire to be more like him. This is how MXTX wrote him. He would have never helped his "brother" (they were never brothers, people, let it go already) torture and kill innocents. And he would definitely not relish in it.

+ Bonus

The same innkeeper from Yunping about some rando with surname Wen:

The owner, “Also, I’ve heard of another person who was scared away.”

Wei WuXian, “Scared away by what?” It couldn’t have been when Jiang Cheng was whipping someone again, could it? Just how often did Jiang Cheng capture people and whip them?

The owner, “No, no. It was his misfortune. The person’s surname was Wen, and that Sect Leader Jiang’s archenemy happened to have the surname of Wen as well. He's hating on everyone in this world whose surname is Wen. Whenever he sees one, he’d grind his teeth in hatred, wanting to skin them alive. How could he give a single friendly look to...”

ExR ch. 92

Good thing that guy's name wasn't Wen Kexing or it would have been Jiang Cheng who was tortured to death!

[mercyll]

As much as Anthy gaslights and manipulates almost everyone in the series, including Utena, and how much she hurts so many people I can't bring myself to blame her for it. Not even her stabbing Utena and betraying her.

Anthy, from the very beginning of the series, was a victim. She was used as a pawn by Akio and made to feel worthless while she constantly had her autonomy destroyed by her brother. Anthy did everyone he asked her to because she DIDN'T KNOW she could do anything else.

Since she was a little girl she's been a sacrifice. A lamb.

Out of selflessness, she gave up her freedom to save her older brother's life, and by doing so she ended up spelling disaster for herself.

With time, Akio grew evil and greedy, and while the past of Akio and Anthy is a mystery, we know enough to understand that the innocent person he used to be became something much worse and twisted. Deluded by power.

So hundreds of years later, Anthy, who gave her freedom and safety away to save her brother's life is broken. Her brother has gone mad with power and taken advantage of her selfless act to make her an object.

Akio doesn't acknowledge Anthy as a human being and has done everything he can to make her lose hope, torturing her both physically, and emotionally constantly.

When you realise everything Anthy has been through we can really see why she did all those terrible things.

Because of the abuse, Anthy wasn't allowed to be her own person. She knows she's hurting people and she knows she's doing the wrong thing but to her, it doesn't matter.

"What's the point? The cycle will just repeat itself."

"What's the point? I don't have anyone else."

"What's the point? This is all I'm worth."

Anthy has become so emotionally broken and hollow by Akio that she's almost convinced herself she's nothing but "The Rose Bride" an object. She believes all the gaslighting and abuse Akio put her through.

She believes the lies, so she embraces them and does awful things because this has been all she's ever known.

It was all she knew until she met Utena. Utena who sparked a revolution.

The abuse isn't an excuse for Anthy's actions but at the same time, I just can't blame her a single bit.

[teamfreewill56-blog]

Can you rank the hashiras and reasons why?

This ask took way longer than I thought it would, I believe I overthought the question and then it took me a while to really think over the hashira and choose. And putting it into words took longer than I expected.

@plutonianmoons I interpreted this question as who do I rank in terms of favorites and why, if you meant it in another way shoot me another ask and I’ll respond. I’m going to start with the list so that those who don’t want to know my reasons don’t have to go hunting for where their favorite hashira is. 

Kyojuro Rengoku

Uzui Tengen

Mitsuri Kanroji

Muichiro 

Shinobu

Sanemi

Iguro

Giyuu

Gyomei

Kyojuro Rengoku

I feel like this will come as a surprise to absolutely nobody lol. He’s my favorite character after all and probably my favorite of all time. I hopefully have been able to sprinkle my reasoning of why I love Kyojuro so much throughout my posts so I will try not to ramble too much. Though, not repeating myself is kinda impossible haha.  

Kyojuro resonates with me so deeply, and even I don’t fully understand why. One reason I think is because he makes me feel….seen. His struggles and grief and pain, and how it came about, a lot of it I can relate to, it hits very close to home for me. And seeing what he goes through and how he dealt with it, its helped me to see and realize that my own experiences and feelings are valid, and its helped me process things I haven’t been able to, even with years of therapy. He isn’t just a ball of sunshine who hides his pain, that’s such a gloss over. He IS a flame, all his feelings make him burn, his anger, righteous and otherwise, his love of his family, his comrades, of his hobbies, the way he devotes his all into everything he does and how so many of his actions are driven by love and compassion and that that’s what drives him to be so duty-bound. He’s someone like many of us, has gone through grief and pain and so much and because of his situation didn’t get to have it addressed or dealt with, he just figured out how to live with it. I love how he isn’t Mr. Positive, if he is confronted by something negative, by someone’s hurt feelings he addresses it, he validates, and yet he’s not perfect in doing that either, because with some people he can’t address it even though he wants to. I love brave he is, standing up for others but also facing criticism and cynicism and hatred again and again and being so certain of his creed and who he is that he doesn’t let those things infest him, he burns them up immediately. I love how much he loves Ruka, how even though he lost her at such a young age he never resented her but kept her with him always. He thought of her, shared his memories of her, she touched every aspect of who he grew up to be and he never forgot that. I love that even though he is stubborn he isn’t unyielding where it matters. If he makes a snap judgment and realizes it he will change it, will he always? No probably not because just like everyone else that’s going to be different from situation to situation. I love how even though he was told he could never be a Hashira and that he should abandon it, that he didn’t. He worked and worked and worked and he accomplished it. I love how warm and welcoming he is to others, that even though he can sit there stiff as a board he does things that make you know he’s paying attention, the way he invites the Corp member from Mugen Train episode 1 to join him, the way he pats the seat indicating he wants Tanjiro to sit right next to him. The way he gives Senjuro his complete attention and focus when they are talking about emotionally difficult topics. I love how he is honest when he easily could lie to try to spare feelings and yet he is so careful and mindful during those times too. I love how freaking intelligent he is, and that it’s subtle. That it’s not just book intelligence but he’s just actually intelligent. The conversations he has, the way he breaks down what’s going on around him, the choices he makes when he acts. The questions he ponders and asks himself and tries to figure out the answer to. The fact that when Shinjuro told him he didn’t have what it takes to become a Hashira, the way that he thought about that question and pondered it and came to his answer---he could have just got upset and hurt and focused on those feelings, but he didn’t, he delved into it and found his answer. I love his expressions, and I know people joke that sometimes there’s not a thought going on behind his eyes but I disagree, I think he looks like that cause his brain is thinking of so much at once. I love how he has a bunch of shared traits with the other Hashira but in a way that’s uniquely him. I will cut myself off here because if I don’t I’m never gonna stop lol. 

2. Uzui Tengen

One of the reasons I love Tengen is I was so surprised by him, I thought I was going to hate this man’s guts--especially after his introduction to the boys. But instead it was just character beat after character beat of why I would and do like him. You look at him and its like “oh he’s the wild one” but he actually isn’t. He had a lapse of judgment and was rushing when he kidnapped Aoi and wasn’t thinking straight but he also got talked out of taking her pretty easily. I don’t like that he slapped her butt, and I think its still a weird thing for him to do but its in there and I’m sure his wives and Shinobu got on him for that whole incident. But after that we see quickly that he’s one of the responsible ones, and like Kyojuro he really really cares about people and their safety, he sees and acknowledges the boys as boys and does his best to take care of them and watch over them while at the District. Of course, he doesn’t do it perfectly, but he does a pretty damn good job. I love that he actually verbally acknowledges to them that he made mistakes and he put them in danger and owns his poor behavior and decisions. I love that once Zenitsu gets taken he instructs Tanjiro and Inosuke to leave and gives them that important wisdom that surviving isn’t a loss and it isn’t failing. I love that he doesn’t try to shoo the boys off once they are in the fight, he adapts and lets them help him. And even though he lets them stay he consistently is making moves to protect them during the fight and trying to take as much weight off them as he can. He is aware of what the boys’ states are in the midst of the fight and tries to finish things quickly and change the battle to keep them safe. I also love his dynamic with them--he absolutely understands how teenage boys are and how they work and he lets them be boys in his presence without letting them do something terrible. Inosuke gets overwhelmed and starts trying to headbutt people and just rampage in his anxiety? No you don’t boar boy back over here with me. Zenitsu wanders off and starts getting enticed by the women? Boy don’t you even think about going in there I will carry you by the collar through the whole place. His dynamic with Zenitsu is so fun, because they bicker at each other and he teases him like a guy who is 10+ years older than their younger brother would. I love how Tengen truly loves his wives, and that he doesn’t love them all in the same way or show love in the same way to them all. He knows his wives and treats them as his individual partners. I love how calculating but also wild he is in his fighting. His fight with Gyutaro and Daki was such fun to watch. 

3. Mitsuri Kanroji

I love how Mitsuri allows herself to feel all her feelings, how once she stops pretending to be who and what she isn’t, our Love Hashira wears herself completely on her sleeve. And she isn’t ashamed of it or prideful about it. In her fight against Zohakuten she starts out confidently attacking him, jumps right in there and saves Tanjiro and her character beats are so good, she’s freaked out about how big Zohakuten’s dragons are and yet immediately turns her attention to Tanjiro with a smile, confidence and warmth. She sets him down and tells him to take a break, praises him and tells him she’ll take care of it. When Zohakuten calls her a “shameless tramp” she shows such a genuine reaction of shock and upset and I can’t help but adore how honest she is in showing her feelings and being able to show multiple feelings at once. She isn’t arrogant when confronting Zohakuten that first time, but even then, she doesn’t stay dwelling on the fact that he insults her she is ready to go and move to attack once Zohakuten strikes at her. When the dragons start dodging her and moving faster she doesn’t hide her feelings of nervousness, she shows her panic but she doesn’t stop attacking or give up, she just freaking adapts and keeps going, seriously goes “can I take on this many at once?” AND THEN JUST DOES IT. She gets smacked point blank in the face with a sonic blast and instinctively defends her whole body by tensing it up. I love how her confidence isn’t iron-clad, insults, harsh words and reactions, they all hurt her and she doesn’t ignore them but tries to deal with them the best way she can, even if sometimes its the wrong way like she does when she becomes more reserved after finding out Shinobu’s reason for being a Slayer. I love that instead of being ugly or mean to the person who is ugly or mean to her, she honestly defends herself and feels her feelings without trying to hurt the other person. I love how she wants to have a husband but also wants to help people love themselves and once she becomes a slayer these two things no longer conflict for her. She loves people and trusts that one day she’ll find a good man in the Corp to marry. I love how genuine she is with her acceptance of people. She genuinely accepts Tanjiro and Nezuko and treats Nezuko like a younger sister, hugging her, singing with her, playing with her, and protecting her. The fact that she sheds tears of joy seeing not only that Nezuko is alive but also talking--there’s no doubt she loves these kids. Her love for people as individuals is so strong:  even though Genya is mean to her she wanted to talk to him, when she saves the Village leader and he makes a flirty comment she teasingly chides him. And in both instances she could have gotten really angry but didn’t. Nor does she call Genya names or anything, and she talks about him kindly when he’s brought up later. I love how Mitsuri actually is willing to do the tough things, but isn’t shy about saying how she feels about it. I love how she never actually hated the things that made her different, she always cherished them, but it just took her a little while to reach her full acceptance. I love how much she has in common with Kyojuro and that in some instances you can see it and it doesn’t have to be brought up. Mitsuri reminds me a lot of Sailor Moon’s Usagi and I kind of love that. 

4. Tokito Muichiro

Muichiro is part of my little brother baby trio. Comprised of Muichiro, Genya and Senjuro. I love how well this amnesic child does deadpan humor and yet in the same breath can be so RELENTLESSLY sassy. Like I’m sure Tengen thinks he is the sass master but Muichiro would DEVESTATE HIM. His sass is sharp and clever and our little Mist Hashira knows how to time his humor beats perfectly and in the optimal way to jab his opponent. The way that he’s passive-aggressive while he has amnesia, without meaning to be is also really funny. Karate-chopping Tanjiro, holding his nose to make him wake up, like Muichiro really is going for the fastest route here. 

I also love how fierce he is, like yes Muichiro was taunting Gyokko but he was not messing around in his fighting and you could see it in how he moved. Plus the way that he came at Gyokko from within the mist and then minced him into sushi? So hardcore.

 I adore how he isn’t bitter about having amnesia, like, he could very easily and rightfully be angry and upset and hold those feelings but he doesn’t. Instead, he focuses on trying to remember things but also not let it stress him out if he can’t. I love how truly kind and gentle he is, even when Yuichiro was being mean to him and aggressive, Muichiro didn’t return that. He loved and cared and respected every member of his family. He admired all of them.

I love how his motives to originally become a swordsman were so pure and kind-hearted and that he wanted to help people the way their parents taught them. I love how when he regained his memories he was able to revisit those memories and realize that his brother did love him, that he was worried and scared and just a 10-year old trying to take care of his only remaining family. I admire so much that he was able and willing to think about his past and realize that the way he thought about his brother was wrong and not the truth. His relationship with Tanjiro is so adorable, like hands down Tanjiro is his favorite person and the favoritism and kindness he shows Tanjiro after he gets his memories back is so cute it’s like that aggressive best friend who is nice only to their bestie and just a terror to everyone else. 

5. Shinazugawa Sanemi 

There are so many wonderful, devoted big brothers in Demon Slayer and Sanemi is one of the top for me. We can tell in Genya’s flashbacks that Sanemi was completely committed to his role as provider and caretaker for their family. He loved and respected his mother and he loved his siblings and Genya trying to support him and stand with him back then meant so much to him and you can tell. Even after what happened to their siblings and mother, that devotion stayed, Sanemi just had to go about it differently.

I think the way he acts towards people is understandable although not justified, like many other characters he was completely unaware of demons before his family got slaughtered and unlike Gyomei, Giyuu and Tanjiro his family got slaughtered by his own mother and he killed her not realizing it was her until too late, and then had to deal with the realization that he killed his mother as well as having the brother he fought tooth and nail to protect curse him and things just got worse from there. Yes, Sanemi isn’t the only one who has lost comrades but he is one of the few slayers who has to wonder if a demon showing up is because of him and not the other way around. He never hated Genya for the things he said when their mom died, he was never bitter towards him. He loved him and knew his little brother well enough to know how kind hearted and sensitive Genya was and that’s why he was so harsh because he was so scared of losing Genya too and of Genya going through the traumas he had. Scared enough that he was willing to maim him if it meant getting him out of the Corp. And more than willing to let Genya hate him forever. I mean seriously, think about the mental and emotional will power you’d have to conjure up to be able to look at your younger brother who is pleading to talk to you and make the decision to try and blind him and keep insisting you’re not family. I don’t agree it was the right thing to do but the fact that he could even bring himself to attempt that geez. 

 Not to mention hearing Genya had eaten demon flesh probably scared him because that kind of makes Genya a demon and if he goes out of control someone would have to kill him. I think his rage is understandable, I think his anger initially at Nezuko and Tanjiro is very understandable and it’s shown on his face when he looks down after Nezuko rejects his blood. This demon rejects human flesh, why couldn’t my mom? Why did I have to kill my mom, lose all my siblings and lose my remaining brother, lose my best friend, but this kid gets to keep his sister who is a demon? Would anyone else in his shoes respond differently? I really doubt it. 

 I love how he’s like the unexpected wild child of the Hashira---not completely unexpected I mean look at him--but the fact that he just pulls an Inosuke and just picks fights with people left and right and he really seems to enjoy his fights but he’s also not ignorant about it. He is aware of what’s going on and he is calculating and strategizing and he’s so -adaptive- like Sanemi will try literally anything in battle if he thinks there’s even a hint it might work. The fact that he knows how to be annoying and cocky to his opponent but isn’t arrogant in his fighting (exception being his fights with Giyuu I think) is a refreshing take on this type of character. Sanemi doesn’t think he can beat everybody, he doesn’t think he’s invincible but that’s okay with him because he still wants to try it regardless. And like Muichiro he knows how to push those buttons and he has such fun doing it and honestly, I have so much fun watching him antagonize his opponents. 

6. Obanai Iguro

I love Iguro’s design. I love that he could have just hated people and cursed them because that’s kind of what you’d expect from someone who’s own family treated them the way the Iguro clan did to Obanai. His family sliced open his face, tried to sacrifice him to a demon and then cursed him for surviving when it backfired on them. He had no social interaction until he was friggin 11 with anyone outside of his messed up family. I appreciate how honest he is about his reasons for being a demon slayer. He isn’t doing this to be noble or because its the right thing. He wants to try to purge his family’s tainted blood from himself by killing demons for others, knowing he can never truly purge that blood but at least its -something-. I love how even though he was hurt all for the sake of a snake demon that he doesn’t hate Kabamaru (check spelling) and he treats that precious white snake so well and that Kabamaru isn’t just a decoration but his partner. I appreciate how even though he doesn’t know how to tell Mitsuri he loves her verbally---he’s constantly showing it. Writing letters back and forth with her, sitting with her and just letting her eat as much as she wants, giving her socks that match her eyes because he knew she was uncomfortable at first with her uniform. When she starts trying to explain how she got the Demon Slayer Mark and its all gibberish and he just face palms---not even upset just like “my poor wife she’s doing her best”. The way that he gets jealous of Tanjiro being buddy buddy with Mitsuri is so funny because its so stupid and yet he has Muichiiro’s petty streak, just listing off all the Corp members “crimes” when Tanjiro is like “did these people commit some sort of crime?” I love how he changed his mind about Tanjiro and he was -such- a good battle partner with Tanjiro when it was just the two of them for a bit. The fact that he got right between Tanjiro and Muzan’s Akira-like jaws knowing that would definitely kill him, he didn’t go to pin Muzan he went directly to save Tanjiro from getting swallowed.To me it seemed so clear that in this final battle Iguro accepted Tanjiro and supported him, they worked as a team and Loner Iguro is good at it I can’t wait to see him in the new anime content. 

7. Kocho Shinobu 

Shinobu is also kind of a typical anime girl but I still like her. Short angry girl is a pretty common trope but she does it well. I love that she is biting and vicious with a smile on her face, kind of like what you expect from the stereotypical mean rich girl, but you can tell that’s also not Shinobu because she will -actually- mess you up in a heartbeat. I love that she’s not a “mean girl”, she loves her friends and her butterfly girls and she cares a lot about people and she’s not ashamed of being a “healer”. I love that instead of writing herself off, “I’m small and therefore can’t fight the same as everyone else” she figured out a method that worked for her, and it is probably one of the worst ways a demon can die---it’s definitely the most painful. I love how one way she showed Kanae her love for her was choosing to always smile even though she’s never actually happy. That it’s not forced positivity, and Kanae wasn’t asking that of her. But it was “My sister loved my smile, so I will continue to smile for her.” I love how she is constantly stepping in to show support to the characters. Talking to Kyojuro before he left, confronting Mitsuri about her starving herself once she found out about it, encouraging and showing happiness for Kanao starting to speak up for herself and being a sort of mother figure for Inosuke where she cared for him but was also able to discipline him in a way that no one else really could. I do feel like her best interactions are when she’s with Zenitsu, Douma and Giyuu but it could just be that I find those moments with her to be the most fun and entertaining. 

8. Tokito Giyuu

Giyuu’s is kinda funny because he’s typically the type of anime character who is my favorite in a series but compared to the previous 7, yeah he’s here. I do love that he’s a tried and true introvert, like he is a devoted Hashira but at the same time gives off the Shikamaru vibe of “Gosh I’d rather be at home”. I enjoy that even though he has a bond with Tanjiro that doesn’t like cure him of his introvertness, he still gets overwhelmed by Tanjiro sometimes and is just like “no, not today” and tries to split. I love that that’s not really attempted to get fixed, that’s just how Giyuu is and that’s okay. He still has moments of joy and sass and all the other feelings but there’s no “we need to heal Giyuu” thread in the story besides the side story of everyone trying to get him smile/laugh.  I will always be saddened by the fact that he for the longest time didn’t feel like he was a Hashira and just wrote himself off but I also kind of like how the Hashira weren’t suddenly like, “That’s crazy, we love and accept you Giyuu!” But by the end I feel like he was mostly accepted, particularly by Sanemi which was nice since those two were almost like unspoken rivals it felt like. His scenes with Tanjiro and Shinobu are the best to me, because he obviously cares about Tanjiro a lot while he simultaneously just has no idea what to do with this kid unless he’s fighting alongside him. I  love his dynamic with Shinobu, its not one I usually love a lot but theirs is so much fun and Shinobu really brings out Giyuu’s sass and sarcasm which is fun to see especially with him doing it deadpan. I appreciate Giyuu’s struggle as a character because I feel like its one that a lot of us can relate to and its nice to see him accept and grow comfortable with himself as the story progresses. 

9. Himejima Gyomei

I will probably get a lot of hate for this one, but oh well. Unlike the other Hashira where I do like them on some level, I don’t like Gyomei at all. If you pushed me I guess I would say his extremely impractical weapon? But like, that’s really reaching. I feel like the only reason I don’t immediately forget about him is because he’s massive and is always crying with his hands in prayer stance. He’s a monk but like in name only. Maybe its just because there wasn’t enough time but I can’t think of a single time where Gyomei showed monk behavior besides saying “Namu Amida Butsu” and Genya mentions that the mantra he used fighting the Emotion Demons was something he learned from Gyomei but nothing past that. Even his crying seems to be more of an at-random thing and not a “he’s feeling deep or spiritual emotions”. We never get an explanaton for why he cries all the time and then suddenly doesn’t cry during his fighting and gets all….macho? I guess I would call it. But yeah look at that conversation between him and Tanjiro at the boulder, if those are spiritual teachings they are not good ones…so to me he doesn’t practice what he preaches, but we also aren’t really shown what he believes spiritually. 

My biggest issue with him is his attitude towards children. He was bitter and mistrustful towards children after the demon attack because the TRAUMATIZED FOUR YEAR OLD didn’t express gratitude for him saving her life. Children struggle with expressing gratitude period, especially that young, they definitely aren’t going to be thinking about expressing gratitude after going through watching you bash another adult’s skull in. 

And because of this he believes that children “Are pure and innocent. Weak. They lie easily…are casually cruel…and selfish.” Children are this way unless they are taught correctly, adults are this way even if they ARE taught correctly. Children’s brains aren’t fully developed at four years old, and yeah, Gyomei doesn’t know that science but seeing as he was raising other kids there, he should understand kids better than he does. Children lie easily because at that young of an age the worst thing that can happen to you is getting in trouble, so you lie to avoid it. You have to be taught how to deal with that properly. Children are not “casually cruel”, they don’t understand that their words and actions impact other people’s emotions and feelings the way that adults do they have to be shown and taught it, just like everyone else. That’s not something that just comes from predisposition. Children are selfish? So are adults, and children don’t become selfless unless they are shown and taught it. Gyomei went through this trauma too, so I don’t blame him for his knee jerk reaction being upset at the child, but the fact that afterwards he stayed upset and decided that children are all these things, and staying upset that she didn’t show gratitude? That’s ridiculous.

[autistichalsin]

I'm really fucking tired.

All I wanted was a space to obsess over a fictional man, who brought me a ton of healing, in peace.

This group has made it their mission to chase not only me away, but anyone associated with me. They called me a rape fetishizer for writing CNC fic. They called me a pedophile for making an omega Halsin headcanon. They called me a self-hating lesbian/lesbophobic for saying it's TERFy to demonize queer male sexuality. They mocked my abuse by my mom, and when called on it, laughed that I deserved it for saying how Mint's actions remind me of her sometimes. They accused me of retraumatizing myself because of the fic I wrote, when THEY were the ones who retraumatized me by causing me to have a flashback to my mom abusing me. They accused me of absolutely vile things, and today they questioned if I even was "really" abused because of the fic I wrote. They repeatedly mocked my special interests and then got offended and played victim when I said this was ableist. They've sent suicide bait to me and my friends.

They've harassed others: they harassed a bi SH fan for asking them to stop saying it was icky to ship her with men until she left the fandom, they harassed someone who made a mod to turn Scratch into Astarion so they could see the animations (even calling this person as bad as Cazador), they harassed someone for making a headcanon about Astarion dancing with Tav, they harassed a lesbian who herself headcanons Karlach as a lesbian and doesn't like Karlach/Dammon but explained why others do, they harassed my friend Mish for saying she was okay with me writing CNC, they sent suicide bait to another friend of mine and said she deserved to get raped so she would sympathize with Mint, causing her to have a mental breakdown and have to go to the hospital for 24 hours, and every time someone pushes back against them, this group weaponizes their identity by saying that person is bigoted against their identity- while ignoring (at best) the marginalized identities that person has, or at worst, furthering oppression against them (I.E. their repeated ableist comments, including one of them snarling at another user about "enjoying your grippy sock vacation")

And despite all these vile things this group of people have done, people are still believing them and sending more harassment to myself and my friends in their defense.

I'm fucking tired.

I'm tired of defending myself. I'm tired of losing people I considered friends to their lies. I'm tired of having my inbox invaded by these vile people.

They are wearing at my mental health and this already made me relapse on one of my addictive behaviors and I am fighting really hard not to do the other one. I'm tired. I loved this fandom and I loved contributing my ideas. I get so many messages from people saying I made them feel seen or made them connect to Halsin's character, and getting a message from a survivor that my posts gave them the words they were lacking for what happened to them and they were able to work through it in counseling was honestly one of the best things to ever happen to me. I really don't want to lose that. Ever. But I can't keep doing this.

I'm not bigoted to my own identity. I don't hurt people. I don't fetishize rape. I'm tired of being a broken record and not being believed because that group is so good at fragilizing themselves. I can't do it anymore.

I just wanted to share my thoughts about a fictional bear man because it made me happy and so many parts of him gave me courage. I wanted to give up cynicism like he did. I wanted to find his strength to take care of people.

But I am honestly very close to regretting ever joining this fandom. I have gained so much from it, it helped my mental health immensely, but this shit has put me in an even WORSE place mentally than i was before I joined.

I don't know what to do. I'm just tired of the way, no matter how much I epitomize "living your best life" I get treatment from these people that I honestly wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I have a lot of painful feelings right now and I don't know what to do anymore. It just hurts and I think everyone would be better off if I'd never made this blog to begin with.

[applesontheground]

I honestly can’t remember if I’ve actually written out this ask before and either deleted it or sent it out into the universe, but can you write how the Sinclair brothers would react (or just bo😉) to seeing their clumsy s/o try to fix something on a rooftop and accidentally slipping off. Reader laughs it off or maybe they’re slightly hurt and the brothers are like 😑😠 they thought you were hurt! You could have been hurt! I just love that kind of drama lol

oh, i’m a clumsy critter through and through so i feel this one a little too personally. i’d love to indulge it with some sinclair love! ❤ (also, i used the initial prompt for bo’s drabble, but threw in some diff ideas for vin & les! they’re partially anecdotal because as i’ve said, i get myself in jackassery on a weekly basis lol!)

the sinclair brothers & clumsy S/O 🕯️  (gn reader)

SFW | Word Count: 1,495 | The Sinclair Brothers x GN Reader (separate drabbles at ~400-600 words)

It was one drip spattering against your head too many. The remnant of yesterday’s rainstorm making its way through the shingles of the roof where it felt as though it had just done it to irritate you was enough to make you proactive, dropping what you were doing and heading for the back of the house.

You waited until dusk crept its way under the skin of the town and wake its glimmering façade to step out onto the back porch of the Sinclair home with the ladder. Vincent had rummaged it out of the garage without so much else besides an unwaivered stare when you explained what you were planning on doing.

He helped get you going because you weren’t his worry per se. You were Bo’s, which was more insisted on by the latter than something Vincent really agreed to. It was almost scarier than the fact you were about to get up on the roof without running it by him first.

You had just gotten your bearings, clambering up the cold and dusty metal rungs and flattening out against the shingles on your stomach, when you heard the door swing open and the familiar voice start talking, not yet aware there was no one inside to listen to him. You pushed up to stand, the rough slats enough for your soles to find a grip. Still, as you stood upright, your entire frame couldn’t help but rock a little as you felt for your bearings.

Of course, that was what the man had made his way through the house just in time to see when he stepped outside, hearing the scrabbling above his head and half believing he was hearing things before realizing you were in fact up there.

“Hey! Nuh uh!” Bo stepped back, getting a better view at what you were doing. He snapped his fingers to make you look before pointing to the porch in a vicious movement, “Get the fuck down, [Y/N]! The hell’re you doin’?” You paused, finally fumbling back onto your knees and replied, “The roof’s leaking.” You tried to push up to stand again, but the unsure noise soon had the ladder shifting as Bo took matters into his own hands, one foot on the first rung in a matter of seconds.

“Bo, it’s okay-“ You began, but he interrupted in a voice that somehow got meaner as he repeated himself, “[Y/N], said get down, damn it!”

The tone was enough to make you slide towards the gutter, rolling your eyes at first and expecting to be grabbed by him like some sort of unruly pet rather than a [boyfriend/girlfriend/partner]. It was the lack of tugging – rather, the firm settling of his palm against your hip as you started to step down the ladder – that made your attitude fizzle.

“I’ve seen stupid, and I’ve seen clumsy,” Bo muttered, not looking you in the eye but still keeping a hand on your lower back, “But a combination of the two? Lookin’ for a broken leg.” You paused, staring at the side of his face until he finally stopped minding the way you were climbing to look you back in the eye. When one foot touched the porch, he snaked his arm around one of your hips, hoisting you away from the ladder and muttering, “Now don’t give me that, I’m not sayin’ I don’t trust you.”

You scoffed, “Oh, what? Gonna tell me you don’t trust the roof? The ladder?” He froze, and ended the conversation by spinning on his heels, taking your feet off the ground again and making you squeal in surprised laughter. “If anyone’s doin’ that kind of work, it’s me. Got that?”

When he set you on your feet your knees suddenly buckled. He watched in bemusement as you stumbled forward when he let go, and when you only had an embarrassed glance over your shoulder, he muttered, “Yeah. Yeah, that wouldn’t have ended well for anyone around here.” He laughed to himself with another shake of his head, turning away from you.

“Vincent, look at what I found at the flea market. Some-“ You turned away from where your eyes had caught onto the wall, stuck to some well-formed facial structure protruding in a lunge of wax, and were face to face with the back of an unfamiliar head.

“WHOOP-“ You let out an involuntary noise, your entire body flinching out of the way and in a twist of an ankle becoming parallel to the ground. You grasped the cassettes that you had brought to show Vincent for dear life as you went knee-first into the ground, making another silly noise as the air was knocked from you and the rest of your body hitting the floor in a solid thud.

The initial impact was still coursing through you, a prick of agony in your leg as you heard something drop against Vincent’s work desk. He put his hand on the desk, the visible eye straining at you. It maybe took a few good seconds before you noticed the slight wobbling of his sturdy frame, and the quiet snort that he quickly tried to muffle with an arm over his stone still mouth. Your jaw dropped in an exaggerated gesture, elbows pushing up to support you better as you jutted your neck at him and asked, “Are you laughing at me?”

He shook his head, turning away from you to get his bearings before doing anything else. You scoffed, slapping your hand against the floor in a one-armed shrug. “Hey, it was either that or I mess up your hard work.” You then gave a forlorn glance to the…person standing beside you.

He finally turned back around, sauntering over to hold his hand down. At a closer range, you could hear the quiet giggles from behind the mask. “Yeah, yeah. Laugh at your clown.” You muttered, and he finally paused to dust your shoulder off.

“…That it?” You asked, and even with the ingrained moment’s hesitation before doing it, he then pushed the delicate edge of his own mask up before giving you a peck on the cheek, a hand finally starting to move, you put on a great show here and again.

The second noise of exasperation just broke the giggles out a second time, its own encore as he wrapped his arms around you, finally noticing what you had dropped and nodding at them in a mute question.

“Oh, yeah!” You grinned, “Those!”

It wasn’t until you were well in the middle of the stream, water dappling your exposed ankles as it trickled past, that you wondered if there was a reason in particular Lester had sent you to cross the wash-out first today.

“Mind the water now, rose overnight. Makes the rocks slippery as shit.” He called, but just as you had registered what he had said you took another step on a promising rock, and your heel skidded out from under you. Lester gasped as you fell back first into the water, the world falling silent and murky as even your head was pulled under.

Just as soon as it happened, you were finding your bearings and immediately pushing back out over the surface, arms flailing as you regained balance. “I’m okay!” You hollered, turning to stand in the rushing water on your knees, uncaring to the way your entire outfit was now soaked and you had to be at an angle alongside the current. You heaved yourself up, and what seemed like an entire pitcher’s worth of water came up with you in the form of soaked clothes and hair as you beamed in a dopey manner to the man still on land, not sure whether to laugh or scold you.

“The hell you are. Didn’t ya hear me?” He finally decided on the latter, throwing his hands up at the display in front of him. You replied with an exasperated strain to your voice, “Sure, but you forget I’m not a good listener.” He neared the shore as you waded closer, helping pull the sopping mess back to his side of the wash-out.

“Well. Think it’s more of a luck thing than a stupid thing.” He began, but as you gave him a daring glance he corrected himself, “Not sayin’ anything, now let me help ya out.” He took both of your wrists as you broke from the current, stumbling onto the land and bracing his own forearms to steady yourself.

“First person that makes bein’ a dope look cute.” He commented as you stood a little straighter, but when you only gave him another astounded expression he muttered, “Gon’ be quiet for a little bit.”

You scoffed at that, careening into him and making him flinch from the cold water soaking into his shirt as you lassoed your arms around his torso. “Never want you to be quiet.” You murmured, giving him a kiss as he finally figured a little water wouldn’t kill him.