#but she’s super religious and literally NOTHING I say while ever change her mind about weed

[rosicheeks]

🙃

[neverwritewhatyouknow]

Hi! It is the anon that rambles, and will now calling myself Padma! (Because I am kinda tired of typing that out every single time) I meant to send this in way earlier but I wanted to verify everything I was saying before sending it in.

I am kinda oblivious when it comes to western media unless someone is like super super famous, so I had no idea that any of these actors were famous at all. Yeah, if they were casting randomly, they would have probably not chosen two famous actors. And like I totally don't mind aging up with actors as long as they look the age they are meant to be playing. But they clearly look far older than 22 and 23. (Also there is fear of June being not in the movie and like June plays such an important role, she is constantly pushing Alex to push for his own independence. Like she is so important and they potentially took her out??)

Madhuri covered pretty much what I was going to say about British Colonialism, and probably much more eloquently than I ever could say it.

What bothers me more than Shaan working for the monarchy is that he doesn't have a character outside of it. Like with Amy, we know that she enjoys embroidery. We know nothing about Shaan except that he's Henry's equerry and his relationship with Zahra. (And while it's nice and all, I think Zahra and Shaan fall into the pair the spares trope and I'm pretty sure the only reason why they are dating is because CMQ needed a reason for them to have personal numbers. Just my opinion though.) With the example you gave with the West Wing character, I took the liberty of searching him up and he has an entire backstory - we know his family, his backstory, etc. He has an entire life outside of the president. He serves the president directly in the story but his entire life to the viewers does not revolve around the president, while Shaan's revolves around the monarchy. (I don't really count Zahra and Shaan, again while being lovely, is entirely only in the story, in my opinion, to assist Alex and Henry.)

I absolutely think that CMQ wasn't thinking about the implications and she noticed that there wasn't a character of South Asian heritage and just made Shaan that character. I don't think they meant to do harm, but that doesn't change the fact that it does. I think it comes down to authors thinking diversity is something easy to include while not doing the research. As one blog put it, "Diversity shouldn't be easy, it takes research. And if you aren't willing to do the research, don't include that ethnicity. We aren't something to just throw in because you want brownie points from the audience." (I can not for the life of me remember who posted that) And for minor characters, I think there's four questions that if you answer helps avoid harmful stereotypes and tokenism and you can just research there. (I got this from one of my writing professors and it might be generalizing, but it's at least a good jumping point for writing and researching recurring minor minority characters) 1. Is your character the only one of that ethnicity? (If so, proceed with caution) 2. Is your writing of that character a stereotype or containing negative connotations of that ethnicity? 3. Are they just in the story to help one character's storyline? 4. Are there any cultural/religious elements mentioned outside of their appearance in the story? Again, I do think that CMQ didn't mean to hurt people and did it on accident, but it doesn't change that it happened.

So this got way longer than expected, sorry about that! Also, I would love to hear your thoughts on Nora and the way CMQ wrote her!!

💙 Padma

Hi Padma!!!

Yeah, literally the entire cast is famous. Some more than others, but everyone has been in at least a couple of things already. They normally will pack the cast like this if they’re worried that nobody will watch, it’s relying on the fans of all those actors wanting to see their new movie. It just makes it very obvious that they were never considering any other actors besides the ones they hired, like maybe they had a small handful of (already well-known, named) actors per each role who they reached out to, but they definitely weren’t looking around. And exactly, I totally agree with you. If an actor is 23 and playing 17, but LOOKS 17, then go for it. If an actor is 27 and playing 22 and LOOKS 22, then that’s great. But if you’re, like nearly 32 and trying to play a decade younger and you look easily mid-late 20s… Maybe you can start telling your agent to only submit you for roles you fit. I’m an actor, like professionally, so I know how this is. I’m in my early 20s, I look early late teens (17-19)/early 20s (mid-20s with makeup). I had to talk to my agent and tell her that she can’t submit me for roles where the character is 15, because I don’t look 15. It was hard to let go of that job market, but I didn’t fit in it anymore, and that’s okay. Honestly, a lot of actors need to take note on that.

I totally agree with Shaan. He is super undeveloped as a character, and yeah, I think the relationship was just for the cell phone number thing, because there wasn’t really a pay off with the relationship was there? It’s been a minute since I’ve read the book. I know Shaan and Zahra got engaged at the end, but we know nothing about their relationship, they literally live in two different countries for work, yes it’s implied they talk all the time, but I would’ve liked to know more about the guy who’s marrying someone who’s a rather large character. Yeah, Charlie in The West Wing is a huge character with a super full backstory, personal life, and personality (I love him and Dulé Hill so much), even though his job is to serve the president like Zahra and Shaan (monarchy). I feel like Casey could’ve thrown anything in about him other than that Alex thought he was hot. Why does he work for Henry? Does he enjoy his job? Is this what he’s always wanted to do? Where did he go to school? How does he really feel about Alex and Henry? Maybe in a Henry POV this would all be revealed, and we’d know Shaan on a deeper level, but that could’ve been done in RWRB easily too.

Exactly. Even though I don’t Casey meant harm, it doesn’t negate the fact that something can be harmful. I truly just don’t think CMQ has a global and diverse worldview, due to their upbringing in a religious Christian school where education and societal stuff would be skewed, and I’m not saying those schools are wrong, just that it sets you up in a sort of bubble, and you have to be willing to go out and see what else is around. I’m not too sure Casey has, based on everything I’ve seen.

I love those diversity questions! Super important and true! I also don’t think Casey meant any harm when writing the book, just that it was ignorance that ended up having implications. The movie on the other hand is a totally different story, where I do believe there was a little more effort into not caring about certain characters solely because Casey wanted a big paycheck and a movie.

[sasha-whos-askin-racket]

I am absolutely obsessed with the Catesby and Percys dynamic, in regard to their awareness of the outcome of the plot and the way that they all approach it?? Like, in The Cold Hard Ground, Catesby literally says “it’s too late to save me.” He knows that. Right off the bat, he knows how this’ll end for him, even though the mere idea of the gunpowder plot is just a speck in the distance at this point, assuming this is narratively one of the earlier songs. He also - as is the point of the entire song really - doesn’t give a shit and is fully prepared to face his death, in whatever form it comes and whenever it comes.  At this point in the musical, he isn’t talking about dying in a valiant attempt to take out James, he’s talking about his outlook on death in general, and this ends up sticking throughout the rest of the musical.

How much Thomas is aware of this, I’m really not sure? Personally, I don’t think he is. The way he talks about Catesby, especially in Blind Faith, (which I’m assuming takes place after they’ve realised James is a monumental fuck-up and not while Elizabeth is still reigning), he has way too much fucking faith in the guy. Like, again, right out of the bat, we know that Catesby is basically willingly marching to his death knowing that it’ll end in his death, he’s just so busy mourning his wife and being bitter about the monarchy and religious divides that he really doesn’t care whether he lives or dies (remember, historically Catesby didn’t become devoutly Catholic until after his wife died.)  But Thomas talks about him like he thinks they’re genuinely going to emerge victorious? When he talks about Catesby cleansing his sins, and even directly stating that “I know he has my trust.”  Pretty sure Thomas thinks Catesby’s going to get them all through it in one piece, while Catesby has no intention of coming out the other side alive. 

But you know who does realise this? Martha. She knows. That’s what The Inevitable is all about. It’s her realising that Thomas is so enamoured with Catesby that he’s going to just, blindly follow him to his death, and that there’s nothing she can say or do to get him to change his mind. Thomas is so wrapped up in the plot, so wrapped up in his admiration and love for Catesby that he just. Doesn’t see he’s being led right into his death. Catesby knows it. Martha knows it. Some of the other plotters have probably worked it out as well. Has Thomas? Nope. Because that “blind faith” that he was talking about having earlier in the musical? It’s overpowered everything, including his own fucking wife. And again, Martha is aware of that, she’s aware of it and she blames herself for letting Thomas get wrapped up in it. 

I am just thinking so hard about the fact that everyone apart from Thomas can see that he’s being led to his death. And Martha at least is aware of the fact that Thomas probably has no idea that’s how it’s going to end. I could argue both for and against Catesby assuming Thomas is following him to his death willingly, but I don’t think it matters either way. It doesn’t change what happens to either of them, nor would it change the opinions they have of each other.  I’m super interested in seeing what kind of song we get for Thomas and Catesby’s death, since I’m assuming it’ll be depicted and we know that historically Thomas was one of the few supporters who stuck by Catesby until the end, with the two of them dying together. I’m intrigued to see if it ever clicks for him or if that blind faith follows him all the way to the end. 

Anyway yeah. Thomas Percy. Goddamn I love this musical so much already.

(I’m also super interested in the way Thomas is portrayed in the musical vs how he was historically, as well as the incredibly unequal nature of Thomas and Catesby’s dynamic but that’s a post for another day.)

[bisluthq]

https://www.tumblr.com/bisluthq/756823852163727360/i-dont-think-people-should-speculate-about?source=share

This was cool to read and good for lorde for living and sharing what she wants and if she's exploring, that's cool. I had one of my male friends explore his gender identity and he experimented with a lot of stuff and ultimately decided he's full dude and not NB or fluid in that way (he IDs as having a fluid sexuality and said bi and pan labels don't resonate). But what was cool was he spent months just being so mindful of literally every choice he made and was like 'ok why do I want to order this drink? Is it what I want? Do I actually want to wear this? Or am I expected to?' We have a very gay friend group with one token straight out of the 8 of us lmao but he was first to explore gender and then we all would sit down at dinner and be like 'no wait - DO I want to order this? Did I want to wear this????' and im sure it sounds like I'm reducing gender to like girls ordering beer and boys ordering a Cosmo or something and little stereotypes... But it was actually a really good thing for all of us? We all thought about why we did stuff more than ever before and another girl said she wasn't sure if she was cis (she still hasn't decided but I don't think she cares because she presents not overly feminine (in traditional sense) and is just who she is but the labels are overwhelming). And apart from the token straight girl (soz not soz I love calling her that for a joke 😂) we've all come out regarding sexuality so talking about gender was super casual, compared to my other friends who are very straight and see a lot of that stuff as like 'women can wear trousers and be builders now, men are nurses, what else is there?' lol like they're not being even micro aggressive, but they just don't get it.

All of this to say, whether it's actively thinking about your choices in regards to gender or something else, I thoroughly recommend examining why you do some things and if you're only doing them because it's what's expected or the norm because it's just a really good way to get to know yourself. In our group of 8, one friend stopped drinking because he didn't actually like the taste or feeling and another went to therapy because she realised she was still trying to get her parents approval. Like it was realllllly good. Thoroughly recommend. Oh and for funsies, I learned I was trying so hard to seem fun and happier as a way of hiding my depression (that my friends all knew I had lmao) that I was doing shit I didn't like just to look like a fun person, but it's actually ok to order a cup of tea with dinner and go home early and sleep. Sleeping at reasonable hours is awesome lol

THIS was an awesome and inspiring read. Your friend group sounds awesome, as do you. I also recommend examining why you do things and how you do things - especially in your early 20s tbh but if you “missed” that window still def do it (it’s not too late), and if you’re younger and feel like you’ve got it figured out that’s… awesome lol but I’m not sure you do. And it’s okay to change your mind regarding what you like and the labels you use and the pronouns that work and… everything.

Just like for my own story: I came out as bi when I was 19 turning 20 but I’d known for kinda a fair while before that. As part of that, I also felt like I had to present more masculine for a while there so I got a pixie cut and wore Doc Martens and did think a fair bit about gender. I then decided I was pretty much completely gay but very cis and presented hyper feminine - I also got quite religious for a little while and into dressing tznius (modestly) so no pants (I did make an exception for the gym because I wasn’t THAT strict about it but I didn’t wear shorts even at gym for example), nothing above elbows, no plunging necklines etc. I only dated girls in that time (well one girl mostly). I’m retrospectively not sure if part of the hyperfeminine and religious thing was me “compensating” subconsciously for being gay. I’m now living with a man who has also done a lot of thinking about this kind of thing and is like… Kinsey 2ish idk he usually just calls himself straight because he has a VERY heavy preference for women - like wouldn’t ever date another man but enjoys kissing other men on occasion and has been in more sexual situations with other men like he’s gone further than kissing but overall he’s decided it’s not really his thing lol. That said, as I’ve also said before, he doesn’t really enjoy penetrative sex much at all so idk we are very sexually compatible tbh and both quite respectful of each other’s vibe on these things. What’s been interesting to me though is I’ve noticed I’ve started presenting in more masculine ways? Like I started wearing a lot of pants again and a lot of boots/unisex sneakers and I pretty much stopped wearing makeup (which is interesting because I was like a “full face before work” kind of person while with my exes but now I think about it I think when with my first boyfriend I also often didn’t wear makeup lol). So idk man like… I don’t think I was being dishonest with myself when I was doing the makeup and the pretty dresses and shit and I wasn’t dishonest when I said I’m bi OR when I said I only date women OR when I said “okay and also this guy” (Shy Ronnie and Clyde style) OR when I say like “I want to wear comfy shoes and my sweatpants today and fuck makeup for the day” and do my lil DIY a projects lol. I even think the pixie cut and like attempting to present more butch wasn’t dishonest with myself, it was me trying something that I ultimately quite quickly realized isn’t very me but I’m glad I tried it because otherwise how would I know that it’s not very me?

I have this bar friend who I’m probably gonna see a lot less of for a while because I’m doing a whole sober era but she’s old af right she just turned 60. She realized she’s a lesbian in her late 30s. She had only dated men before that and was even pregnant with an ex boyfriend (very tragic story there re the baby and a very fucked up relationship but yeah like she was). What I dig about her is she’s SO unapologetically herself. So she shortens her name to a traditionally boy name, wears a pixie cut and only ever pants and flats but she also loves funky makeup and doing her nails all different colors and LOADS of bling and bizarrely she loves the Brit royals and like has bumper stickers of them on her (I shit you not) Subaru and she also loves very hectic outdoor stuff and idk is just… so her. But it’s taken her, by her own admission, a fucking LIFETIME to get here and she has a lot of issues too and she drinks waaaaayyyyy too fucking much lol so it’s not like figuring out what makes her happy and who she is has magic pilled her. And that’s a woman who’s literally 60. She’s also had like 8 careers lmao and achieved a bunch in all of them and loves what she does now but again she’s… 60. And she’s not like… sorted yk, like there’s a lot going on, which as I say is why I don’t think I’m gonna see her for a fair while.

Which was a really long essay to say that we should be kinder to ourselves and each other and celebs really as we all figure our shit out. The internet has been really bad for that imo because everyone is so obsessed with having your neat labels in your bios everywhere and it’s… okay not to know. It’s okay to play around with stuff. It’s okay to change your mind multiple times. All of that’s fine. It’s never too late (or too early) to try something out and see if it’s you 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Also good luck with your depression bestie, I’m here for you ❤️✊🏻

[jasthelazyelf]

The beginning of a long friendship

Word count: roughly 2100

Jas awakens in the Devildom. Gets introduced to the program. Decides to murder a certain demon with words. That's how you make a good first impression, right?

Jas‘ day started like any other, there was nothing particularly strange or odd about it. After waking up snuggled up to her favourite seal plush Chonk, she got up and headed straight to the kitchen to grab something to eat. Thinking if she should eat something other than her regular breakfast, she opened the fridge and looked inside. Her still tired mind refused the idea, though, so she grabbed the carton of milk from the fridge and cereal from the pantry.

After eating her breakfast, she decided to change into her comfortable daily clothes consisting of sweatpants and a doge tshirt. She loved it, she loved making her brother groan and then laugh when he saw her in it. Not having much to do that day, she decided to grab the book she’s been reading and sit on the couch. However, she found it rather difficult to concentrate on the words, she was feeling rather tired even though she’s been awake only for about an hour now. She marked where she stopped, closed the book and not even putting it on the table, she fell asleep again.

After a short dream she immediately forgot about, she woke up in a completely different room from the one she remembered falling asleep in. She blinked a few times and realized there were several men standing right in front of her, all dressed in black uniforms, one in a red one. The room looked like a court room.

„Where am I…?“ she thought to herself. The man sitting on the seat that would be that of the chief judge opened his mouth.

„Welcome to the Devildom, Jas,“ he was smiling brightly as he spoke and his eyes sparkled with happiness. Once he saw the confused look on her face, he made an apologetic puppy eyes. „… Oh, pardon me. Feeling a bit shocked, are we? Well, that’s understandable. You’ve only just arrived, after all. As a human, it will probably take a little while for you to adjust to things here in the Devildom.“ Devildom? She has never heard of such a place. Not that she was the best at Geography, anyway. But she had a feeling if she ever heard about such a place, she’d remember it. She realized that when she went to sleep on the couch, it was morning. It seemed impossible for it to be that dark outside now, since she never slept that long.

„Is this a dream…?“ she asked the red haired man. A dream sounded like the only logical solution to her at this point.

„Hmmm… what a very human thing to say. Outstanding. I have a feeling you might be just the sort of person we’re looking for.“ A human, huh? Well… it wasn’t actually a lie… but also not a complete truth. Not anymore. But since the difference wasn’t visible on her now, she decided to play along. „I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Diavolo. I am the ruler of all demons, and all here know of me. And someday soon, I will be crowned a king.“

Jas slightly raised one of her eye brows. So, she was in literal hell? Was that it?! Rather than being scared, she now started to wonder who the other people in the room were. Did she hear about them? Maybe she did. She decided to keep her curiosity to herself for now and just rolled with the given situation. Diavolo stood up and showed Jas the view from the nearest window. As he gently guided her with his hand on her back, she realized she was still clutching her book. And that she was still wearing her day clothes. She felt a bit embarrassed being dressed like that here.

„This is the Royal Academy of Diavolo… though we just call it RAD.“ Once he showed her the campus from the window, he turned them both around again. „You’re standing inside the assembly hall, the very heart of RAD. This is where we officers of the student council hold our meetings and conduct our business. I’m the president of said council.“

Jas smiled a little. Of course he would be the president. She kept that one thought to herself, though. „Why am I here?“ she asked instead.

Another man stood up, this time the one with jet black hair with light ends and piercing red eyes. Jas had to admit, he looked a bit scary. „I will explain everything to you.“

„Jas, this is Lucifer. He is a demon and The Avatar of Pride. He’s also the vice president of the student council and my right-hand man… and not just in title, I assure you. Beyond that, he’s also my most trusted friend.“ Diavolo’s eyes were sparkling again as he was talking about Lucifer.

„Flatery will get you nowhere, Diavolo.“ Lucifer furrowed his eye brows a bit. Then he looked at Jas again and smiled. Jas still found his smile creepy. „Speaking on behalf of the entire student body at this great and storied school of ours… I offer you a most heartfelt welcome, Jas.“

„On behalf of the students?“ Did… did demons really go to school? She found it a bit funny. No one is saved from school.

„Diavolo believes that we demons should start strengthening our relationship with both the human world and the Celestial Realm. As a first step toward this goal, we’ve decided to institute an exchange program. We’ve sent two of our students to the human world and two to the Celestial Realm. And we’re welcoming four students to our school: two from your world and two from the Celestial Realm. So, I take it you probably put two and two together at this point, right?“ he stopped for a few seconds to give time for the new info to set in. It was quite a lot for such a short period of time. „You’ve been chosen from among the people of the human world to participate in this program of ours. You are our newest exchange student. Your period of stay is one year. You will have to work on the tasks that you will receive from RAD. After one year, you will write a paper about your exchange here in the Devildom.“ Wow, out of seven billion people on Earth, these demons picked a human… who isn’t actually a full human. It’s not like it was Jas's problem, though, she was willing to pretend. She wasn’t so happy about the final paper though.

„Write a paper?“

„I am not telling you to write a doctoral thesis. You can take it easy.“ Well, that was at least SOME good news. „Don’t glare at me like that. It’s not like I will abandon you all by yourself here in the Devildom.“ Well, he better not. „You need someone to look after you, and I think that someone should be my brother Mammon. He’s The Avatar of Greed and… how should I put it…? Oh well, you’ll understand soon enough.“ WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! Was this Mammon weird? Evil? Would he kill Jas on the spot? Before she could get properly nervous, Lucifer took out something that looked like a phone. „Here, take this device. It’s called a D.D.D. It’s a lot like the cell phones of your world. This will be yours to use as long as you’re here. Now, go ahead and try calling Mammon with it.“

Jas did as she was told. The voice of the man on the other side was… loud, to say the least. But otherwise he sounded… okay? She would judge his personality later when she actually met him.

„Sounds like you had a nice chat,“ Lucifer brought her from her thoughts again.

„He seems reliable,“ she shrugged as she answered him.

He furrowed his brows again. „… You really think so?“

Before he could say anything more, the red haired prince took the word again. „Well, if you were suddenly brought to a strange place and then get told that an unfamiliar face will now také care of you, you’d certainly feel anxious. However, Mammon isn’t the only one to help you out. Now then… we still need to introduce our new friend to your brothers, Lucifer. And, it’s probably better that you do that instead of me, wouldn’t you say?“

Lucifer looked down for a bit, a bit anxious. „Yes… As much as I dread the idea of doing so,you’re right.“

One of the guys who was still sitting looked up. Wow, he looked so adorable. „Oh, come now, really? You should be honored that you get to introduce such a sweet and charming little brother like me!“ and certainly confident. Jas had to giggle at that.

„This one here is Asmodeus. He’s the fifth eldest. He’s The Avatar of Lust.“

„Wh… I can’t believe you just totally ignored what I said! And not only that, you referred to me as THIS ONE. How rude!“ Fiesty man! He looked like fun! The last man in the room lazily raised an eyebrow, pouting a little bit in the process. Jas saw that he had been eyeing her for some time, he especially looked interested in the booked Jas still held in her hands. Was he trying to discover what she was holding of was he judging her taste? She couldn’t tell at that moment. Now he was looking at Asmodeus, though.

„Hmph, at least he didn’t ignore you altogether. How do you think I feel?“

„And this one is Satan, the fourth eldest of us. At first glance, he may seem like a responsible demon with a good head on his shoulders, but looks can be deceiving.

„Aha, so I’m THAT one, am I? Nice to meet you, Jas. I am Satan, The Avatar of Wrath.“ OH. Now it finally fully dawned on her. Yep, so these were the big scary demons everyone who believed in them feared so much? Come on, they looked pretty nice. Then she remembered something. Even though she wasn’t religious, she knew quite a lot of mythological stuff. She knew that Lucifer was one of the fallen angels. She knew what was being said about Lucifer’s look. She inhaled and opened her mouth. Everyone in the room was paying attention to her.

This question.

„Wait… Isn’t Lucifer supposed to be super hot even after the fall?“

This one single question.

Oh boy. It struck everyone like a lightning. Diavolo blinked a few times in sheer surprise. Asmodeus widened his eyes, opened his mouth and was at loss for words. Satan laughed out loud, oh, this he did not think would happen. Oh, he likes this girl. He quickly put himself more or less together and looked at Lucifer. And oh boy was Lucifer not happy. Nope, the nice and friendly face was gone and he looked utterly pissed. Before he knew it, Lucifer turned into his demon form, a coat themed after peacocks, two sets of wings and black horns coming out the top of his head. Jas started to take steps back, startled by the sudden change.

Before Lucifer could actually attack her, Satan stood between the two them and glared at Lucifer. At that point Lucifer realized what he was just about to do and turned back to his human form and promptly left the room. Diavolo recovered fast and went after his friend to see if he’s all right. Once the door fully closed, Satan turned towards Jas. She was shaking a bit, but otherwise looked fine.

„Are you all right? That was a quite impressive move you pulled there. Good job,“ he laughed as he was making sure the human was truly unharmed.

Jas recovered shortly after and looked at Satan. She was still shocked, but managed to answer Satan. „I thought you were The Avatar of Wrath, not him?“ Satan laughed again.

„Oh gosh, what foolish bravery! To go into enemy territory like that and say such things! You were lucky Satan reacted so quickly, or you would have been a goner by now!“ Asmo chimed in. He got up from his seat, came closer to the two of them and moved his arms up to offer a hug. Jas approved and hugged the lean handsome demon and finally stopped shaking. „Now, now, it’s okay, but don’t ever do that again, okay?“

Jas let go of him and nodded. Satan pat her gently on her hair. „Enough about that butthurt prick, what do you have there?“ he asked excitedly. So he hasn’t been able to identify the book after all. She showed him the book. It was The Sword of Shannara. Oh, he has heard about this saga, but never actually got around to read them. He heard that the books were pretty good, though. Looks like this exchange won’t be so bad after all.

Satan smiled. He knew this was the beginning of a long and beautiful friendship between him and this human. He couldn’t wait what they’d be up to in the near future.

A/N: Apologies to the Lucifer stams. :'D that really was my first reaction to him over a year and a half ago when I started playing. He's still not hot hot me :'D

[kitkat1003]

On the issue of Mortality

AO3 Link

MK chose to be mortal, to be vulnerable, for the time being, and Monkey King is fine with that.

On the surface, at least.  Now he has a successor, one that he likes, and he’s vulnerable????

Yeah, he’s never going to sleep easy again.

(Or, 11 chapters through season 1 about Monkey King, and anxiety his successor gives him.  Who knew being a dad teacher would be so hard?)

Chapter 1: Picking a successor

(Or “Look, I’m gonna come clean.  Um...I’ve been kinda watching you”)

When Sun Wukong—the Monkey King—decides he needs a successor, it isn’t an easy decision.  For one, he refuses to admit why.  Because that would mean confronting it all and he doesn’t want to.  

He needs a successor because he wants one.  Who doesn’t want to retire?  It’s not like he’s spent hundreds of thousands of years in technical retirement, waiting for the Demon Bull King to return.  No, he’s been...super busy.  Yeah.  Turning Flower Fruit Mountain into a paradise has totally taken him…forever, and, like, he’s got lots of stuff to do.  He watches TV, once humans get electricity figured out.  Gets a computer too, once those things start popping up.  He gets a lawyer or two, yknow, keeping up with the times.

He’s...super busy.  He definitely deserves a retirement.

So all that’s left is find a successor.  Easy, right?

Well....

He actually starts looking when he hears whispers that the Demon Bull family is starting to get close to figuring out how to lift his staff.  So about a hundred years before Demon Bull King actually escapes.

He finds a few kids he thinks might work, but nothing happens, anyway, so there’s no point in interrupting their boring normal lives for nothing.  Besides, he doesn’t really see any of them with the spark of...something that he wants in his successor in any of them

He watches them grow.  Child to teen to adult, he watches, and then he leaves before they get too old because he doesn’t want to see the headstones.

He doesn’t understand why they have to be human.  Why they have to be mortal.  Why they have to be able to die.

Why he has to watch them die.

Years and years pass.  He gets lax, when looking for a successor.  Lax when it comes to keeping an eye on the Demon Bull family.

He does, on occasion, watch the town where his staff is.  It’s a pretty populace place, always buzzing with some sort of activity, which is both fun and boring.

One night, he watches a kid—no older than 13, he thinks, since he’s gotten used to watching humans grow and can gauge it pretty well—sprint down the street in the rain, wearing nothing but a ratty old hoodie, a shirt, shorts, torn up shoes, and a headband so dirty that even he can’t discern the original color.

There are three other figures chasing him, and he ducks into an alley as they sprint past.  Monkey King watches as the kid settles down, sitting in the alley, and pulling something out from beneath his hoodie.

A puppy.

“Hey there, little guy,” the kid’s voice is soft, and he scritches the tiny pup behind the ears.  “Sorry I couldn’t get your siblings, but they’d already been thrown in the lake—” the look on the kid’s face is nothing short of heartbreaking. 

Monkey King has plans for the group of thugs he saw earlier, if that’s what they were doing. Humans. 

“But hey, managed to save you, huh?  I’ll bring you to a shelter in the morning.  Someone will take you home and you’ll get loved to death.” Monkey King rolls his eyes at the saccharine display, but he wonders.

There isn’t a lot of crime in this city, with its advancements.  What’s a kid doing outside this late at night?

“I’d take you home with me, but mine’s more of a hovel than a place to live.  You can still see it, though!  C’mon,” the kid gets up, stumbling a little, and Monkey King notices that he’s favoring one leg, that the elbow of one of the sleeve’s of his hoodie is wet.

He follows.

The kid’s house is literally a shack made of a metal sheet wedged between an alley wall.  There’s a ‘bench’ that’s a slab of rock placed on top of more rocks, where a well loved sketchbook sits.

The kid sits on the bench, setting the puppy down beside him as he flips open his sketchbook.

“I’m gonna draw you, so I don’t forget, kay?” He pats the pup on the head, and then, using the smallest, most worn down pencil Monkey King has ever seen, he slowly carves out the puppy’s features, getting the soft tones of fur.  He keeps squinting, but Monkey King thinks that’s because all he has is the light of the lamppost for his vision.

This kid...is pretty darn good.

Monkey King watches for way longer than he would like to admit, and then watches as the kid pulls out a very worn blanket-substitute, curling around the puppy beneath it.

He frowns, but isn’t sure what to do about it.

So he leaves, and makes sure those thugs learn a thing or two about treating animals with respect.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This kid just keeps popping up in Monkey King’s peripherals.

He likes to people watch, and the kid will just appear from nowhere.  He’ll be running down the street, hanging out with this girl who looks about 3 economic classes above him. They’ll go to the arcade and play for hours, and she’ll pay for practically everything.

He decides he likes her, if she’s nice enough to do that for the kid.  Plus, he feels a familiar energy coming off of her, something he trusts.

They typically end their day at a noodle shop.  Pigsy’s?  The kid always pays there, with coins of various sizes.  The girl, when the kid isn’t looking, will slip the cook some more money.  They get steaming hot bowls of ramen, harass the cook, and eventually get half chased out, laughing all the while.

“You know you can stay with me, right?” The girl says, one day, when Monkey King is people watching (read: eavesdropping on their conversation.  It’s like his new favorite TV show, at this point).  Kid rolls his eyes.

“Mei, c’mon, your relationship with your folks is as strained as mine!  I wouldn’t want you to end up like me.  Besides, I’m fine!” he insists with the grin Monkey King has grown accustomed to seeing on Kid’s face.  

The information Monkey King gains from those two sentences is certainly something, and he ponders on Mei, the girl who spends her days as far away from home as possible.

Mei frowns.

“You still won’t show me where you’re staying.  Or explain why your clothes are all torn up!” She pokes him in the chest, and the Kid shrugs.

“Cause you wouldn’t like either of those things!  I can take care of myself!  Promise.” He rocks back and forth on his feet, all smiles.

Mei fixes him with a glare, before she sighs, relenting. “Fine.  But, if you won’t take my hospitality, you get my undying loyalty and free stuff!” She whips out a brand new red winter coat.  

Kid takes it slowly.

“It’s getting colder out!” She explains.  “And red just isn’t my color, you know?”

Kid slowly pulls the jacket against his chest, like he doesn’t know what to do with it, and then he smiles.  This one is smaller.  Less performative.  Monkey King didn’t realize that he’d been watching the kid to be able to tell the difference, but it’s not too hard to see.  Kid uses big smiles like a cloak, to hide what’s underneath.  The smaller ones-those are like the slivers of sunlight shooting out from an eclipse.  Wukong finds he prefers the smaller ones.

Kid wraps his arm around Mei’s shoulders.

“Thanks, Mei.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The days get colder, and Kid is still in that shack.  Monkey King finds out that Kid doesn’t steal for money.  Instead, he does little odd jobs for short change, and then looks for coins people have dropped.  Apparently, the city’s wealth has made people more loose with their change.

Mei drags him to warm places as often as she can, but apparently this time of year she has a lot of responsibilities, or “social events,” as she calls them, so she can’t be around as much.

Kid doesn’t seem to mind, shivering through the nights, curling himself as tight as possible with that jacket and shitty blanket, and Monkey King doesn’t know why he even cares, but...

He’s not cruel.  It isn’t pleasant to watch a kid suffer.

And then, Kid gets sick.  Like, delirious, fever sick, and he’s not getting better.

And Monkey King has told himself, a million times, that he would let Kid figure his own life out, but he ends up picking Kid up anyway, depositing him at the ever familiar noodle shop.

The cook drags the boy inside, and Monkey King doesn’t see Kid on the streets after that.

Good.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kid starts working at the noodle shop, apparently, and he lives above the shop.  Slowly, he accrues random objects.  Sketchbooks, games, figurines, Monkey King comics?  He watches the show near religiously, and Monkey King is both flattered and weirded out.

A super fan, huh?  Okay then.

And when he isn’t working, or watching “Monkey King: The Animated Series,” or reading Monkey King comics, he’s begging the resident bookworm, Tang, for stories, which he then sketches out.

Monkey King actually goes through the sketchbook once, when Kid’s asleep.  Yup, Kid’s really, really good at this.  Monkey King actually thinks about stealing a drawing, but that would be both very obvious and also stupid.

So he lets it go.  He ought to look for his successor, anyway.  He hears the Demon Bull family is getting close.

He leaves Kid to his life and moves on to his own.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He can’t find a successor.  Somehow.  It’s like every person in this city (and it would have to be in this city, because you need to be close to the staff in some regard if you want to have a connection with it.  Being born near it, living near it-makes it easy for the energy, the chi, to find you) doesn’t want anything to do with hero business.  The kids he considers are too small, the adults too...boring.

And he’s getting pretty frustrated here, because he thinks he might just have to fight the Demon Bull King all over again, which, ugh.

And then, it clicks.

He’s watching Kid drive around town, delivering orders, and somehow the kid steers towards the construction site.  Toward the staff.

Of course.

God, it was literally staring him in the face.  He feels kind of dumb, now that it hits him, but whatever.  Not like anyone’s around to tease him about it.

He watches Kid waltz towards danger, music in his headphones too loud to notice the literal demon family, until Kid opens his eyes and sees the whole demon army there, and hoo boy, is this comical.

Monkey King wonders if they’ll succeed this time, in lifting his staff.  They certainly seem confident.  He’s kind of curious, kind of bored.  The whole ‘take our rightful place as rulers of this world’ schtick is super annoying, and Red Son’s voice is grating.

The light show is pretty nice, though, and then.

Then.

Demon Bull King’s a lot smaller than he remembers, but his voice is the same, as is his attitude.  Monkey King can feel Kid shaking and takes a quick sweep of the area.  Seems his successor is right above Red Son.

He smirks to himself, not that anyone can see considering he’s a bird right now.  

This is going to be hilarious.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Kid touches the staff, Monkey King isn’t prepared for the feeling he gets.

It’s like he’s been the single Sun in an endless galaxy, surrounded by darkness, when suddenly another star appears from nowhere, throwing him into orbit with it.  The galaxy shifts, the light doubles, the darkness recedes.

Monkey King’s own center, his sun, feels red hot, warm, and tempered by years of life, with a spark of yellow and white in its center.  Kid’s is bright, brilliant golden yellow, more white than any color, bursting with energy.

That energy gets put to work pretty quickly, as the Kid fumbles his way out of the demon’s den, and Monkey King soars after him, watching the escape with a smile.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He doesn’t properly meet Kid until he gets shot all the way to Flower Fruit mountain.  After Kid escapes Red Son, he panickedly tells his friends what’s going on and tries to get there on his own.

Well, all the way is a bit much.  Maybe Monkey King had to catch Kid and fly him there, because Kid was looking half dead and Monkey King was a little worried, but that’s beside the point.  He leaves Kid on the shore, and follows him when Kid gets up.

He isn’t expecting the frustration, when he can’t be found, but he supposes that’s his cue.

Getting stepped on is unpleasant.  Guess Kid doesn’t like bugs.

God, the look on Kid’s face, when it hits him that Monkey King’s been watching him!  If he could frame a memory, that would be it.  Hoo, boy, is that going to be replaying in his head for a while.  Kid seems more bewildered than anything else, and the idea of being Monkey King’s successor doesn’t sit well with him.

Which, Monkey King doesn’t get that.  Who wouldn’t want to be taught by him?

But maybe he overestimates the kid’s spunk, his confidence, because waving off his worries doesn’t spur him on; rather, it seems to deflate him.

Ugh.  Why is being a teacher difficult?  It’s not like his teacher had a hard time with him, right?

Distantly, he thinks he can hear his master shouting at him.  He hops off his cloud, says just the right thing to get Kid pumped up, and watches him race off.

He considers just sitting back and not watching, but then, that wouldn’t be any fun, would it?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He isn’t actually sure what having a successor means, really.  How much their powers, their lives, would mirror his own.  A part of him was terrified by the prospect—could he even be known as anything special, if he was no longer one of a kind?

But there’s also something quite exciting about this.  The idea that your life is being rewritten, the story unfinished and yet also repeating itself.  The Demon Bull King is on the loose, with his army and family, trying to take over the world.

And only one person can stop him.  The Monkey King.

Kid’s powers are volatile.  He can feel them flare up from time to time, wildly flickering out of control.  A lack of self confidence, that might be causing it.  A part of him is annoyed by that, a part of him is relieved.  Far better to have to teach someone to believe in themselves than teach them humility.  He’s pretty sure he hasn’t learned that latter lesson all the way yet.

Kid vanishes into the Demon Bull King’s chest, where the staff lies, and for a moment, the new sun vanishes.  Monkey King feels the cold rush of space in its absence, and feels panic, even though he’s only known this warmth for a few hours.

But then, it bursts back into existence, as a familiar stone drops from the Demon Bull King’s chest, cracking open, and, well, it’s history being written the same way over and over again, isn’t it?

Kid has a flair for silliness, childish maneuvers.  He likes to have fun, and that’s the best part of the powers they share.  To be invincible, to have fun while saving the day. 

It’s a repeat, until, well, it isn’t.

The blow Kid takes makes Monkey King wince.  The body becoming invulnerable takes time.  It doesn’t just immediately show up.  Every second, Kid’s body is absorbing and meshing with the powers thrust upon it, but that doesn’t mean getting hit a mile by a guy twenty times your size doesn’t still hurt, at this point.

But Monkey King knows this is what has to happen.  Because heroes aren’t heroes if they never feel pain, never get hit.

Heroes, he thinks, as Kid tears himself from the wall he’s embedded in, as Kid stands, eyes ablaze, are heroes when they get hit and they get back up.

And Kid sure as hell does.

“I’m the Monkey Kid!” He shouts, like a battle cry, like a challenge, and Monkey King smirks.  Monkey Kid, huh?  It suits him.  And then, Kid slams the staff on the ground, and the world shifts.

A part of him is kind of jealous.  How come he never got a mech?!  Has that been a thing this entire time?  Another part is in awe of this Kid’s creativity, ability, at such a young age.

And seeing DBK get trounced again certainly keeps the jealous part of him quiet.

Kid’s got a nice group of friends.  Reminds him of his journey days, him and a rag tag group of idiots going around wreaking havoc and learning moral lessons at the end of it.  He’s glad Kid isn’t alone or on the streets anymore.  A strong foundation leads to a stronger ability to grow.

Well, he’d better get some sort of training regimen ready.  Or, at least, start thinking of some things to do to train this kid.  He’s sure at some point Kid is going to bug him for a lesson or two.

Somehow, the thought doesn’t bother him as much as he thinks it should.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

1960: John F. Kennedy/Lyndon B. Johnson vs Richard Nixon/Henry Cabot Lodge Jr.

1964: Lyndon B. Johnson/Hubert Humphrey vs Barry Goldwater/William E. Miller

1968: Richard Nixon/Spiro Agnew vs Hubert Humphrey/Edmund Muskie vs George Wallace/Curtis Lemay

1972: Richard Nixon/Spiro Agnew vs George McGovern/Sargent Shriver

1976: Jimmy Carter/Walter Mondale vs Gerald Ford/Bob Dole

1980: Ronald Reagan/George H.W. Bush vs Jimmy Carter/Walter Mondale

1984: Ronald Reagan/George H.W. Bush vs Walter Mondale/Geraldine Ferraro

1988: George H.W. Bush/Dan Quayle vs Michael Dukakis/Lloyd Bentsen

1992: Bill Clinton/Al Gore vs George H.W. Bush/Dan Quayle vs Ross Perot/James Stockdale

1996: Bill Clinton/Al Gore vs Bob Dole/Jack Kemp vs Ross Perot/Pat Choate

2000: George W. Bush/Dick Cheney vs Al Gore/Joe Lieberman

2004: George W. Bush/Dick Cheney vs John Kerry/John Edwards

2008: Barack Obama/Joe Biden vs John McCain/Sarah Palin

2012: Barack Obama/Joe Biden vs Mitt Romney/Paul Ryan

2016: Donald Trump/Mike Pence vs Hillary Clinton/Tim Kaine

2020: Joe Biden/Kamala Harris vs Donald Trump/Mike Pence

The same candidates tend to show up year after year. Not just President running for re-election, but Vice Presidents running for the top slot themselves, incumbents or candidates, successful or not; Richard Nixon (1952, 1956, 1960, 1968), Hubert Humphrey (1964, 1968), Walter Mondale (1976, 1980), Bob Dole (1976, 1996), Al Gore (1992, 1996, 2000)

I would expect John Edwards (D-2004) to try and make a comeback, though he was only a one term senator from North Carolina, so that’s looking increasingly unlikely. The state swung for Obama in 2008, but hasn’t voted blue since (except for governor, but he has no power because the Republicans control the state legislature)

Paul Ryan (R-2012) will be back for sure; he retired from the House in part over of disagreements with Trump, but one doesn’t just give up being Speaker and slink away into obscurity (just look at Newt Gingrich, he refuses to shut up or die), so I think Ryan is just biding his time and hoping the whole Trump thing blows over in the next decade. If the party shifts away from Trump, he might offer himself as a slightly more moderate (“moderate*”) alternative.

Or maybe Sarah Palin (R-2008) will try and reclaim the presidency for herself; she’s a hardcore right wing nutjob, she was a Bush supporter AND a Trump supporter, and she’s still relatively young, so I could see her stepping back into the spotlight to try and “being the country back” to the traditionalism of the early 2000s. Nostalgia is cyclical, so I figure around 2028 or 2032 people will start looking back fondly on the Clinton and Bush years (Clinton more so than Bush, what with 9/11 and the wars and such)

Tim Kaine isn’t even one of the famous senators; there are some senators that everybody knows, even if they’re not from your state, like Chuck Schumer, Joe Manchin, Lindsey Graham, Bitch McConnell, big names with big reputations. Tim Kaine is a nobody, just a bland and inoffensive white dude Clinton picked to be as uncontroversial as possible (she couldn’t pick a woman or a black person because then the ticket would have been “too diverse”). He’s not the future of the Democratic party, but I could see him trying to become part of the Senate leadership. Maybe the whip (vice leader), I don’t think he has what it takes to be leader outright.

I don’t think Mitt Romney (R-2012) will run for president again; that ship has sailed. Moderate Republicans are critically endangered, extinct in the wild, with single specimens in captivity (in Vermont, Massachusetts, and Maryland). After back-to-back losses in 2008 and 2012, I don’t think Republicans will run a moderate candidate ever again. Romney could maybe just maybe become the whip if he so desired, he’s a big enough name with support enough to become their presidential nominee, though he’ll never be the leader; McConnell was their golden goose, he gave hem exactly what they wanted and changed the game to give them an advantage even in minority. They will only ever elect hardliners like him from now on. Romney is too soft; he cares too much about the other side (he’s not liberal by any stretch of the imagination, he’s a Mormon for Brigham’s sake, but he voted to impeach Trump twice which means he may as well be a liberal in the eyes of the public)

Mike Pence has committed political suicide. Democrats hate him for his homophobia, sexism, racism, classism, and weird relationship with his wife who he calls “mother.” Republicans hate him because he didn’t break the law to re-elect Trump. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. He’s ultraconservative and super religious, so under normal circumstances he’d be a shoo-in for the nomination, but after breaking with Trump in January he’s dead in the water (he didn’t even really break away, there was literally nothing legal he could do; if he had tried anything it would have been struck down by the courts). And besides that, Pence is boring as hell. He’s milquetoast, he’s a saltine cracker without the salt because it’s too spicy, he orders plain hamburgers with ketchup on the side, all his steaks are cooked well done, he gets a boner when he sees a woman’s ankle and has to self-flagellate for penance, he sends back water if it has too much ice because it makes his teeth hurt. He’s the sacrificial lamb they’d nominate specifically to lose so they can save a stronger candidate for later when there’s no incumbent.

Kamala Harris is basically president-in-waiting (or rather nominee-in-waiting; who knows if she can actually win?) Biden ran on the unspoken promise that he would step down in 2024, making her the front runner, but he has recently walked this back and says he plans on running for a second term himself, pushing Kamala back until 2028 at least. She has good PR and has convinced half the country that she’s a progressive instead of a cop, so if she runs she’ll definitely have an edge over Democratic challengers. The media picks the nominee, and in 24 or 28 they’ll pick her for sure.

It’s becoming increasingly harder for people to stay relevant over multiple decades. I can’t imagine any 2004 candidates running in 2024, but Bob Dole managed to get on as Ford’s #2 and come back as #1 himself twenty years later (he lost both times, but still). Richard Nixon beat the odds and actually got elected in 68 after losing the presidency in 60 and the governorship in 62; he was pretty much coasting on Eisenhower’s legacy, selling himself as the anti-Goldwater, who lost in 64 to LBJ in a landslide.

Trump is acting like he’s going to run again, but whether or not he’ll fully commit is up in the air. On the one hand, his least insane niece says that he doesn’t want to put himself in a position where he could lose again, his ego couldn’t take it, he’s so embarrassed he can’t even admit it happened the first time. On the other hand, he’s too proud to accept defeat and just let some other candidate take his spot as leader of the Republican Party; the Republicans haven’t had a leader since Eisenhower, every other president has disappeared after leaving office.

Nixon resigned in disgrace

Ford was elected out

Reagan disappeared in the 90s because he didn’t want the country to see him deteriorate from Alzheimer’s

Bush Sr was elected out

Bush Jr was despised with approval in the 20s (record low), and could potentially have been tried at The Hague if Obama had balls

Now Trump wants to stick around, even though he’s older than Reagan and FAR less healthy. He’ll probably be dead in 15 years anyway; no way he reaches 90. His mind may already be going, but unlike Reagan he isn’t self aware enough to know it, so he might try to stay in the spotlight even after the dementia sets in. Wo knows?

What his niece says, and what I think is most likely to happen, is that he will pretend like he’s running in order to scam donors out of millions of dollars to pay his exorbitant legal fees, but then bow out of the race before the primaries. Whichever candidate he personally endorses will become the nominee and go up against Biden. Biden will win the popular vote, but I don’t know if he’ll win the electoral college; if this happens for the third time in a quarter century, I expect nothing less than chaos in the streets, perhaps even civil war (well, I expected civil war after 2020, and we’re still standing, so again, who knows?). All I know is that congressional Democrats will throw a hissy fit but do nothing to stop the Republicans from sneaking their way into office without a mandate AGAIN.

The last Republican to legitimately win the presidency was George Bush Sr in 1988. Jr lost to Gore, and only got re-elected in 2004 because he invaded Iraq the year prior. Democrats have won 7 of the last 8 elections, including the last 4 in a row. There are more Democrats and left-leaning independents than Republicans and right-leaners. If the Republicans lose-but-win AGAIN, I don’t think the county could take it; there would be phony calls for secession on TV and legitimate whispers behind the scenes, there would be lawsuits, there would be an even bigger assault on the Capitol than January 6, people would riot, the National Guard would attack brown people with impunity while peacefully corralling the white ones with shields and loudspeakers.

There hasn’t been an assassination since 1963, and no assassination attempt resulting in injury since 1981. Someone threw a grenade at Bush Jr in 2005, but they wrapped a handkerchief around it so the lever didn’t release. I think multiple politicians on both sides of the aisle might be targeted in the event of another electoral college screw up.

Trump could face jail time for his tax crimes, though given his high profile I think he’d get off with a slap on the wrist. He has never faced consequences before, so why would they start now?

[deathbydarkelves]

I decided to make playlists for Cathala and Tarinne plus explanations for why I chose each song because I entered one of those ADHD fugue states and if I didn't finish this task I would die

Anyway here are the two links (they're youtube playlists because I don't have spotify. I would obviously recommend using an adblocker if you're just gonna watch on youtube) and the explanations for each song are below the cut :) Each playlist is about an hour long.

For Tarinne’s:

1. Foggy Nights: I consider this her theme so putting it first as a sort of intro only makes sense.

2. Here’s a Health to the Company: I think this works as an example of her general disposition. She’s a people person, and always a fan of singing these sorts of songs in taverns, on ships, or what have you. It also kind of feels like a sendoff to soldiers, which I imagine symbolizes her joining the Sentinel Army and quickly thereafter fighting in the Third War.

3. Wartime Prayers: Somewhat self-explanatory, this is symbolizing her seeing war for the first time, but I also included it because the last line transitions SO WELL into the next song.

4. The Hollow: This song is an intro to an album I've never heard so I don't know the context, but I really love it because it sounds like someone praying to their deity and like I mean c'mon. Elune. Tarinne's praying to Elune to guide her through the war. Do I need to elabo-

5. Wave Walker: KILL DEATH MAIM AHAHAHAHA

6. Isil Elun’falo: Just a super rad fan-made night elf song that's basically "wow we sure do love Elune" said in twenty different ways for four and a half minutes. But it ROCKS and I LOVE it.

7. Chewing Cotton Wool: This song is about losing a loved one (I did have to check but yeah that's what it is) and I use it to symbolize Tarinne losing her mom during the war. The last line, which includes the song's title, I especially like. It's referring to how morticians (apparently) put cotton gauze in a corpse's throat and mouth to keep body fluids in and make the face look more natural. So there's a fun fact for you.

8. See U Soon (Song for Dad): Just a short lofi piece to rest a bit, and it was also chosen because the title's in reference to Tarinne growing closer to her dad after losing her mom. She still visits him at his leathers and furs shop in Stormwind fairly often, especially after dangerous adventures. She just wants to make sure he knows she's alright ;-;

9. No Lullaby: Right back into it with a song that I use to represent Tarinne's general feeling of not being able to go home because it's not there anymore. She's felt like this since the end of the Third War, but it's especially strong since the whole Teldrassil thing. But I like the ending, "who said you're on your own," because it contrasts the repeating of "alone" in the rest of the song. And it's kinda like "hey, listen, you're not the only one who feels like she can't go home." I mean that's probably how basically every single night elf feels right now skxnks

10. The Moss: This song juxtaposes classic fairy tales with scientific facts about the world and I love it to BITS. I'm using it here to represent both Tarinne's love for storytelling but also her sort of... part-time historian/archaeologist/conservator career.

11. Rasputin: I just associate this song with her for some reason and this was the best place to put it.

12. Electric Feel: Moving on to focus more on Tarinne's relationship with Cathala now. This is an extremely great and somewhat 😏 song that I also included because the electricity theme is appropriate because Cathala has lightning powers and y'know it's from Tarinne's perspective or whatever.

13. Bedroom Hymns: You know why this is here.

14. Movement: I can't talk about love songs without talking about Hozier, okay. This is just a nice, slower song to relax a bit with.

15. Never Let Me Go: I have an entire goddamn music video in my head with Cathala and Tarinne for this song and it’s very dramatic and emotional and I had to include this song or I’d die. Basically just listen to near the end of this song when she's repeating the title over and over, and imagine the two of them seeing each other at opposite ends of a battlefield after the dust settles and they rush towards each other and fall to their knees holding on as tightly as they can because they got separated early on and each thought the other was dead. Then you'll know how I feel when I listen to this song.

16. Nothing That Has Happened So Far Has Been Anything We Could Control: First of all I love the title, and second of all there's a big section in the middle (1:49 to 2:47) that I like to interpret as the two of them grappling with the fact that they're not really quite sure who or what they're fighting for anymore. Their people, yeah, but there's so many alliances and semi-permanent enemies and only-on-every-other-thursday-enemies all intertwined and the world is just so very confusing and they're trying to make the best of it. Elf school didn’t include international, interracial politics in its curriculum. It did however include how to properly plant trees, and AP calculus (this is a joke).

17. In Dreams: I like to imagine this song is something the two of them would say to each other, as a way of saying “even when everything we know is gone, even when the world ends, I will still be by your side. And if I’m not, don’t fear, for I will find you.” It makes a nice note to end on :)

For Cathala’s:

1. muse: Just a nice lofi intro to get us into things :) I don't see this song as her theme, like I do with Tarinne and the first song in her playlist, but I like it quite a bit. I don't actually really have a theme for Cathala yet, I'm currently going with a version of Way of the Monk from WoW's OST but I'm still looking for something better.

2. Frogs Singing: I included this because it's about just appreciating nature, which works because night elf and also mindfulness and meditation is a whole thing.

3. Tongues: This is a song about feeling distant from your peers which is like Cathala's whole existence! She's this weird mix of two cultures and ultimately she feels out of place regardless of where she is or who she's with. Also the theme with not understanding what people are saying works because the poor woman had to learn Pandaren from scratch and that shit ain't easy. I think blizz said somewhere probably that Common is just a language that EVERYONE knows inherently because Video Game but that's bullshit in my opinion. I'll allow spells that let you understand foreign languages to an extent (Comprehend Languages from D&D lets you understand the LITERAL meaning only, which I like), but every culture and species in the universe knowing Common is silly if you think about it for more than two seconds.

4. Kung Fu Fighting: I'm legally required to include this song. Also I prefer the Kung Fu Panda version, I'm sorry.

5. Harder Better Faster Stronger: I vicariously experience having a great work ethic through Cathala and that's why this song is here because she has 999 Determination and does Too Many push-ups every day or something idk. I was gonna say "every morning" but I have a headcanon that elves only need to sleep every couple of days (sort of a nod to "elves don't need to sleep at all" from D&D, and to explain why NIGHT elves are active at all hours of the day) so that doesn't work.

6. What's Up Danger: This song is Cathala's whole Vibe. Almost zero threat assessment skills in this woman's brain. If it can be punched, she will punch it.

7. Eye for an Eye: Fairly self-explanatory, it's a song about wanting revenge so... yeah. Checked that box. It was this or The Vengeful One by Disturbed but ultimately The Vengeful One's religious symbolism probably makes it fit better as a Tyrande theme lol ("I'm the hand of god, I'm the dark messiah." Did you mean: the Night Warrior)

8. Survivor: Cathala's survived a lot of shit and this could kinda be her making fun of herself for it because "Gods, man! Don't I deserve a break!"

9. Ashes: Really the reason I include this song is the last chunk (2:42 to the end) because holy shit. Listen, if I was gonna include a song with fire motifs, it was gonna be a somber one like this.

10. Into the West: This can kinda represent Cathala just trying to fucking breathe and recover from Teldrassil. Also works because I dunno it has stuff to do with the elves in LotR, I haven't seen those movies in a while. It sounds nice and is melancholy so I included it.

11. Like Real People Do: Cathala loves Tarinne a lot you guys have I ever menti-

12. Into the Wild: Tarinne changed Cathala's world for the better and she's super fucking grateful she has her by her side. Kinda goes without saying but you know.

13. Chasing the Moon: I have a vague music video in my head for this of them falling in love and it's very cute so there's that. Also it's in this specific spot because hey she may be deeply traumatized but she's still got a fair number of things/people in her life that make her happy so :)

14. Follow My Girl: I've got a theme going in my head that while Tarinne is fairly certain of her place in the world, Cathala is still trying to find hers. She outlived all her connections on Pandaria because Elf Lifespans(tm) and the only members of her family still alive are distant relatives she never knew very well.

15. Wish That You Were Here: This works both to represent Cathala on Pandaria feeling super homesick, and for more recently after Teldrassil. Either way, it's a message to her parents and sister.

16. Mr. Fear: She does her damnedest to hide it but she's absolutely terrified something like Teldrassil's gonna happen again! That fear drives her to do everything in her power to protect who and what she can. As long as they're not Forsaken, cause she's still got her biases, that compassion even extends across faction lines. She never really got the whole Alliance/Horde thing anyway. Innocent people shouldn't have to die, regardless of who or what they are.

17. Ordinary Day: Not to get super out there but I think this song works as symbolizing Cathala really trying to hold on to her faith in Elune, but ultimately feeling pretty abandoned. I mean she can clearly see Elune's influence everywhere. But Elune sure ain't doing Cathala any favors as far as she can tell! It also ends the whole playlist on maybe a bit of an uncertain/open-ended note, because this "losing faith" aspect is a new thing with her and will definitely be something she continues to struggle with for a while. On a related note, I should say Tarinne is still very much devout but she gets what Cathala's feeling and doesn't force anything on her, and vice versa. And Cathala wouldn't become atheist, the night elves aren't monotheistic and she still worships all the other deities, it's just specifically Elune she's a little :/ on.

[rcl-stan]

my (probably controversial) opinions on ships

Canon:

percabeth: their relationship set the bar so damn high i want what they have 😔 10/10

jasiper: i say jasiper bc everyone argues whether or not it's jasper or jiper and it's a solid combination of the two. tbh their relationship wasn't good. like good while it lasted but if they never broke up i would've been surprised. it was also hella fake, and piper is probably gay let my girl live hera 4/10

frazel: ✨no✨ first of all (here's a side controversial opinion) i don't like frank. don't worry, i absolutely love hazel. second, that age gap? um, chile anyways 👀 sorry if you think that an eighth grader dating a junior in high school is okay, but it's a definite no for me ❤️✨ 0/10

caleo: it's cute, i like how they were a whole "destined to be together" thing and how they both believed they could never find love, but it was rushed. i have a whole long ass headcanon about how i would've done leo and calypso and their love lives better, but that's a post for another day. tbh leo's probably gay tho. the gods were nice to cal 5/10

gruniper: tbh this was the beginning of rickald sticking literally every character in a relationship but i'm happy for grover and they're really cute 7/10

charlena: they're so cute they make my heart soft 🥺 10/10

chrisse: tbh they're also super cute and i really love clarisse not being "just an asshole" like everyone can be loving and compassionate and that's sweet <3 and her saving him from insanity after the labyrinth?? and her getting dating advice she loved him so much?? 🥺👉👈 also i was simping over both of them watching sea of monsters sooo 10/10

solangelo: they're cute but i ship nico w someone else peep the non canon portion. bonus point because i love will solace more than anything and he should be known more than just being nico's bf 8/10

tysella: cute and i like how even monsters can find love but once again just ricks attempt to stick as many characters together as possible like it was so out of the blue PSA it's okay to not feel/want/find love <3 don't let fiction bring you down ily and you're doing fantastic sweetie <3 anyways 5/10

zarter: yes yes yes just YES ugh they're real cute and let me just say the red pyramid/the throne of fire broke my heart but we got back on it 10/10

saltnubus: i- just- what the fAwk 😃 they're the same person ?? i, gIrl eye- chicas it's- ugh let's just get to the rating because words can't describe this ship but numbers can 2/10 (extra points for effort and not dead walt)

Not Canon:

tratie: YES V GOOD SHIP they're adorable please make this canon we have one more book pull some strings. i remember in my most recent reread of pjo i was waiting for tratie and there was nothing and i realized it isn't canon my mind was blown. loss of a point because it's been around for so long and still hasn't been made canon, like, around for so long most people forget it's fanon until it's brought up every once in a while. 9/10

jercy: tbh i don't ship it. like they'd make good friends, but even then they'd both have multiple people they'd put over each other. 0/10

jasico: once again a hard no for me. i just don't see it. like def bros and i think jason being the ultimate good friend to nico, yeah that's cool, but no romance just bromance 1/10

pernico: ✨no✨ 0/10

pipabeth: v cute ship but once again feel like they wouldn't've been #1s to each other, better than jasiper worse than percabeth 6/10

lukabeth: FUCK THAT SHIT NONONONONO GET THAT PEDOPHILIC SHIT OUTTA HERE RIGHT NOW -92736373937373/10

thaluke: feel like they may have had a small thing when they were on the run, but it's a no for me 1/10

perachel: this ship is so valid y'all are just afraid of having this conversation well here it is. it's more similar to jasiper in how if they had gotten together i don't think they would've lasted, but there was some thiqq chemistry and they would've been really great together. and they're also really good friends, stop erasing that 😡✨ 8/10

jeyna: they would've been so great together. as much as i love me a lesbian reyna, i have to admit jason and reyna would've been lowkey goals and super adorable and just, perfect for one another. super sad hera decided to get in the way of that :/ 9/10

theyna: tbh i don't ship it. i just don't see any chem between the two. cool friends maybe, but it's a no for me. 3/10

pipeyna: yessss now that's a badass duo if i've ever seen one. turn it up! 7/10

clareyna: y'all ain't ready for this oneeee ugh like too powerful of a duo the world ain't ready but they'd be so cute i- 🥺 soft clarisse and reyna but also stern and badass clarisse and reyna ahhh this is so shmackalicious, spicetastic, words can't describe... but numbers can 10/10

clarina: a couple of cuties and they definitely had something. not bad, 6/10

valdangelo: no words can describe how much i love this ship. litch-rally gay percabeth. they're meant to be and i'll bet my life on that. like they've both gone through almost the same things, they just handled them differently. they'd feel for each other and eventually open up to each other and get along great. never feeling like they belong but finding comfort in eachother. knowing that there's someone there for them, who understands them, not feeling alone, ugh 🥺 please they're sooo cute 🥺👉👈 also forgive me if this is horribly incorrect but i feel like leo constantly flirting with every girl is just a bit of internalized homophobia ?? like if he had a super religious family i could see them being homophobic (i'm mexican and a lot of my family is like that so i can see it being like that, but not all mexicans are tho) so that could've been kinda rooted in him. he was also called el diablo by his family that could've ran through his mind a bit idk that was just a bit of random extra info anyways 10/10

valgrace: i've never gotten background on this ship?? like i'm open to options yk let me learn so like if anyone wants to elaborate on it/give me reasons to ship them i'm all ears ! but based off of what ik of them in general i don't think they'd be super great. def better as just friends, 3/10

jason + annabeth: uhm issa no from me they'd be that super bland saltine cracker couple, maybe like lifeless praetor duo or smth (if anna elizabeth was somehow roman ofc) 0/10

piper + percy: chaotic and iconic, but definitely not in a relationship 1/10

beckendorf + percy: no❤️✨ but beckendorf was definitely percy's first crush and you can't change my mind 0/10

carter + hazel: this one was a request from my ig.... idk how to feel like.. i mean.. tbh i don't even know... i haven't heard this before today, if you got reasons lmk i'm here for it but i'm very... idek what i'm feeling. ??/10

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers XIX (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: I don’t like angst, yet it’s the only thing I’m able to add at my stories. Also, the vamps are teen-band certified. They had to be in the soundtrack of Josh’ life cause they’re as dramatic and passionate as him. I don’t exactly mean that as a compliment. We’re getting close to the end!

Words: 2,677

Warnings: None!

Previous chapter // Last chapter

I had no way to introduce the song smoothly into the plot so I’ll just attach it here.

It’s four in the morning and the three of us are in my old room. You could say I’m miserable.

This place is even more depressing than I remembered, seriously, why there are so many pictures in my room? What was I trying to prove, that I know how to use a camera? 

Every single picture with Maya in it I took it down, even if this isn’t my room anymore, I don’t want this to remain untouched like it’s worth preserving.

I’m still awake cause I hadn’t finished Wesley’s podcast, and god I wish I hadn’t heard the end.

It got me thinking, everything is out of control right now. One moment we could be sleeping and a second bomb could drop, then none of us would know what happened.

I have been living on wasted opportunities, on ‘what ifs’ and shitty friendships cause I don’t think I’m worth it. Maybe I’m not, but the kids back at the mall are, they are this city’s future, even if that sounds crazy right now. 

I decided I’ll help them, which means I’ll have to help Eli.

I have no choice.

_______________________________

Josh knew he’d fucked up big time.

When he came back after talking to Mavis, he knew that things needed to change, he was pushing people away, it was calculated at first, but now it was out of control and he had lost the only person he wanted to keep around.

It was his fault. There was no way to excuse his behavior, Y/N only wanted to keep him safe, she cared about everyone, something Josh was too self-centered to accomplish.

He regretted every word he’d ever said, to Sam and Y/N. They were good to him, trusted him. Fuck, Sam trusted him enough to sleep with him even if she knew it was his first time. 

Y/N had followed him to a mall where a psychotic killer was threatening to kill them just cause he asked for help... one thing seemed bigger than the other, but priorities shifted dramatically once the world ended, to be fair.

So when he entered the pharmacy only to find the lonely notebook laying on top of the counter, he panicked. Y/N was gone, and now he didn’t have a way to know where she was.

Unless...

Right, it was around 7pm and he had a target painted on his back, but she was worth it, more importantly, she was right.

He was going to fix his own fuck-ups, but first, he had to find Y/N.

So at 9pm, he left the mall.

He went on his skateboard, though it was loud during the night, it was also quieter than cars. He stopped at a store and took several spray cans of bright green paint, ready to start looking.

The question was, where?

Maybe Alex’s house? But he didn’t know where he lived. A house didn’t sound right, she would’ve been more careful than that, Y/N was super smart, so she’d have to be on a safe place that’s also out of any tribe’s territory.

The problem was that most of those areas were difficult to live in, they’re infested with Ghoullies or mutant things. Josh thought carefully, for Y/N, the worst choice wasn’t a Ghoullie-infested area, at least they wouldn’t be smart enough to catch her. She had to make a choice.

Josh started looking in the infested areas.

He wasn’t expecting to just find her and watch as she ran into his arms. Y/N was sick of him, she would be pissed for sure, so he was ready to get extra-roasted. 

He didn’t worry about that, what worried him, was Y/N not wanting to have anything to do with him anymore.

He’d thought things through and he knew (even before Y/N had said it) that Sam would reject him after all those months apart, he was okay with that. Sam had every right to say no.

Did it upset him a bit considering he had lost a finger for her? Yeah, but that was just life being shitty. Like Y/N said, you can always learn from your mistakes.

It’d clearly gone over Josh’s head the first time, but now it was stuck on his mind.

“I'm sorry for the way I behaved And I'm sorry that I let you down again I probably threw it at you I know Yeah I worry you didn't like me anymore”

Actually, it was Y/N L/N who was stuck in his mind in general.

The crazy things she could do, the silly short-overalls that she insisted on wearing were a nightmare, but Josh was now in love with them for the simple reason that they were hers.

He knew he overreacted when Y/N told him Sam was a jock, but it was just that the idea seemed impossible, Sam was too chill for that, she had to be against her will.

So he figured since he couldn’t fix what he had done to her months ago, the least he could do was to save her from Turbo. Afterwards they would be even, and Y/N and Josh would be finally free from any unfinished business.

He would be free to be with her without feeling guilty.

It was around 1am and his hand was starting to hurt from painting the walls on every block. He was also wasting time, what if Y/N had left the city already?

No, he needed to calm down. Y/N didn’t want to leave the city, that’s what she told him before. She was definitely here.

Where the hell was she?

“Alright, ponder,” Josh rested a hand on his knee, closing his eyes for a moment, “fuck, I need sleep...”

She wasn’t around the Ghoulie area, so the next stop was the X-Pug district. There was something about that place that could help him: Y/N’s house was in it and he still remembered how to get there. He hoped he was right.

By 4am his legs were sort of giving up, Josh forced himself to continue, he had about two more streets before he would reach her house and then maybe, if she wasn’t there, he could rest a couple hours and keep searching the next day.

There was obviously no lights on, so he whisper-yelled.

“Y/N?” He looked around to make sure he was threat-free, “Y/N?”

Josh wasn’t religious, but he felt the touch of god on his chest when a pair of shiny eyes peered over the second-floor window.

_____________________________________

Well, look what the bitch-wind brought to my humble home.

“Josh?” I frown, getting up from my desk chair, “What the fuck are you doing outside my house?”

“I had an epiphany”

“You had an- have you slept at all?”

“No, but I’m not crazy!” He tilts his head, “Well I did see my dad for a moment, but I think I imagined that...”

“Leave,” I say simply, “I don’t want to talk to you, I’m done.”

“I know you are”

“I won’t help you save Sam”

“I wasn’t going to ask you that.”

“What do you want?” I hiss.

“Can you... come down for a moment?”

I’m tired, but my heart is also hammering against my chest. 

He came for me, he’s here for me.

I hope I’m not wrong.

“Hold on,” I reply with a neutral expression.

_____________________________

At last, he had found his savior. 

Y/N appeared at her doorstep with her arms crossed, glaring at Josh.

“So?”

“Uh, yes?” His hands were sweating profusely.

“What do you have to say to defend yourself?”

“I'm sorry that I pushed you away And I'm sorry, I couldn't give you everything And I need you just to try to understand I let you take from me it all, it's just I feel like half a man”

“I...” Josh gulped, giving one step forward, “my brain is the size of a bean”

Y/N’s frown deepened.

“Okay?”

“I have tons of issues. We said it was nice to be around each other cause we understood, we knew,” He explained slowly so the words wouldn’t get all mixed in his head, “But after a few days I watched as you evolved into this super cool version of yourself: you had this new outfit and a new identity on which you were comfortable. You got over your problems and everything just seemed to be... going so well for you.”

“So it’s my fault?” Y/N scoffed.

“No!” Josh was quick to respond, “What I’m saying is that we promised to fix our stuff, and we were supposed to find out together. I fucked up. I let you do the whole work while you fixed your own issues and I stood there on big denial, focusing on other things.”

Josh stepped closer to her, Y/N remained still.

“I know I put everything on your shoulders and let you do the work, that was such a huge dick move I can’t even pretend to have a reason for that, I just need you to know that I’m sorry. I regret all the things I said. It’s all a lie, you do know me. You know me and it scared the crap out of me. When you said Sam could be a jock my mind knew you had a good point, but I got scared”

“I’ve been scared too,” She replied harshly, “I was terrified to stay around, I was shitting my pants just thinking of what could go wrong if I decided to give in to what I really wanted.”

She looked up to the sky, maybe trying to find an answer.

“This won’t work, Josh. Not if we keep pushing each other away in our own little ways, you with your words and me... doing it literally.”

“Then... now what?”

“And now I found That I've tried, tried my best just to keep you around But the weight of the world keep on dragging me down”

“Now nothing,” Y/N’s eyes avoided his, “do your thing and I’ll do mine. Fix your issues, then maybe we’ll have a chance. You have to make up your mind, Josh. Where is your heart?”

He knew the answer to that, but it wasn’t much of a difference if Y/N didn’t know. He could live all his life like this and still not be with her because she doesn’t have a way of knowing.

How could he tell her without actually tell her, now that his words lacked truth in her eyes?

He was still thinking about it when Y/N spoke up again.

“Did you know that Triumph dethroned Turbo?”

It took him a moment to understand what she’d said.

“What?”

“We saw it this afternoon,” Y/N shook her head, “we don’t know how did he escape, but now he’s the tribe’s leader. Your wishes became reality, Sam is truly in danger”

He didn’t like the way her voice sounded in the last part, but that wasn’t important at the moment.

“You know what he’s planning to do?”

“We don’t,” Y/N shrugged, “nothing good for sure... Eli found us there, he wanted to convince me to go back and kick you out of the mall, he’ll be pleased to see you’re already out.”

Josh looked over to the window on the second floor.

“Is he in there with you?”

“Yes, so is Alex,” She stayed silent for a second, Josh saw a question forming on face, “How did you find me?”

He smiled for the first time in the day.

“The day we made our group project I took you home in my mom’s car, remember?”

“I didn’t think you’d remember,” Y/N replied honestly, “it’s been a while”

“My bean-brain can hold any information as long as it has to do with you.”

He thought he saw a glimpse of her smile for a second, it didn’t last enough.

“It’s late, you should come in and rest”

“I’m fine”

“You haven’t slept, I know,” Y/N stepped aside so he could get in, “I can see the dark circles under your stupid puppy-eyes.”

“Was that a compliment?” He teased lightly.

“Get your ass in before I feed you to the mutant pug,” She waited until he was fully seated in the living room, “for the record, I’m still upset. This does not mean you’re forgiven, and it definitely doesn’t mean I want to keep our... thing, going on, you got it?”

“I got it”

“Goodnight,” She replied, going upstairs.

“Y/N?” She looked down to where Josh was, he hadn’t moved to lay on the couch, “I promise I’ll make things right”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Let’s see how it turns out.”

_______________________________

It’s morning time!

Well, it’s ‘acceptable-hour-of-the-morning-to-be-up’ time.

I wake up in my own bed, I see Alex sleeping beside me and it’s almost like we went back in time to those good days when we had sleepovers. However, we know that’s not true.

I sit on my bed and realized there’s something missing: Eli.

Thinking that maybe he woke up before us and found Josh sleeping in my living room, I get up quickly, afraid that he might have cut his throat while he was still sleeping.

I accidentally kick Alex on my way out, he wakes up in confusion, asking me if my mom’s making breakfast.

“I sure hope not,” I reply with irony, “cause she’s been dead for half a year”

“What?” He opens his eyes and looks around, suddenly coming back to the present, “Sorry, I was dreaming with-”

“The past?” I ask while I put on my converse, “I figured you were.”

“Where are you going?” He sits.

I explain to him briefly what happened last night while they were sleeping and how I’m about to check if Eli hasn’t killed Josh. Alex decides to join me and while we walk downstairs I see his little smirk.

“Don’t you dare,” I warn him, “I know what you’re thinking”

“And what am I thinking?”

“I told you so,” I huff, “like you’re some kind of wise Dr. Love”

“You know I’m right”

“He came for me, big fucking deal. He also spent six months looking for Sam, he does these things all the time, it doesn’t mean he cares”

“They not here,” Alex stops in the living room, “and there’s no blood, so we can assume they didn’t kill each other.”

I walk into the kitchen and my eyes land on the fridge, they left a note stick to it with a magnet.

“Alex?” I say, “There’s a note...”

I grab it and read it, not waiting for my friend’s reply.

‘Y/N,

Eli found me downstairs and tried to kill me. It’s alright, I told him you let me in. He was upset, he has reasons, I kicked him out of his home.

I told you I’m going to fix things, so I convinced Eli to help me get to the school safely so we can put Triumph back in a cage and the jocks (yes, Sam too) can have a better life, not one as slaves of a cannibal adult. He is also willing to let the kids stay and share the mall with him, along with Wesley, Angelica, and Ms Crumble if they decide to return. In exchange, I promised that I won’t.

Last night you asked me about where my heart is, I hope that once you leave the house, you get the answer. 

I don’t have the best taste in music according to the witch, so I can’t leave you secret messages hidden inside lyrics like you did for me on our Homecoming do-over. Still, I hope the message is readable, cause otherwise, I forced Eli to help me on a useless mission.

DON’T try to find us, we have it under control.

-Josh.’

“Y/N?” Alex calls me from the front door, “come see this...”

I put the note in my pocket and follow his voice.

“What’s...” I walk out of the house and gasp, “fucking bastard.”

In front of us, bright-green letters spell the phrase:

“IT’S WITH YOU”

It’s painted on every entrance, on the asphalt is he wrote the biggest one, his handwriting unmistakable. 

That sure answers my question.

“You know what that means?” Alex stands next to me.

"Yes," I say breathlessly, "it means we have to help Eli and Josh stop Triumph."

“Are we saving the world?” He smirks.

“We’re saving the world.”

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic @slythermyg @loving-u-3000​

[joracalltrise]

Ahsoka versus Obi-Wan – where did that even come from?

After the latest episode of the Clone Wars some people are pretty shaken up – so am I. And I’ve been thinking for a while, where did that whole Obi-Wan and Ahsoka argument come from – I’ve always liked both of these characters (Obi-Wan a little more, so I guess I’m not quite objective, sorry guys), and it was very painful to watch them quarrelling like that. I wanted answers. Explanations.

And I think I got some. More or less.

I’ve divided the whole argument into separate cases, so we can see things more clearly. Okay, let’s start!

First, the most basic case – duty versus emotion, Coruscant versus Mandalore

Let’s go back in time and have a closer look into Martez Sisters Arc. There, we had Ahsoka listening to the heartbreaking story of “The Cold and Heartless” Jedi Master who chose lives of dozens of people over the lives of Trace and Rafa’s parents. Now, think about it – it DOES sound quite similar to the dilemma we saw in Episode Nine. “The Cold and Heartless” Obi-Wan Kenobi (I’m being sarcastic on purpose) who chooses to go to Coruscant (where we have Chancelor, Padme, Jedi Temple, not to mention thousands of innocent people) and grab the opportunity to stop the war (Greavous is there, Dooku probably too, and getting them would mean ending the war) instead of going to Mandalore.

And now, I’m going to explain, why I believe Ahsoka is very immature here.

The sad fact is, that even though she still thinks of herself as a Jedi, she has absorbed the “Civilian’s Way of Thinking”.

And what is the “Civilian’s Way of Thinking”? Basically, it’s the way of thinking of a person like you and me, who just lives their life, wants to be happy, and doesn’t need to take responsibility for the lives of dozens of people… who doesn’t UNDERSTAND what is it like to HAVE TO choose and then live with the choice. Yup, I’m talking about Rafa and Trace here.

And what hurts me most, is that Ahsoka shouldn’t be like this. She’s been to the war – she should know, that for the leaders life isn’t that simple.

And I’m NOT saying here, that the Jedi Order is perfect – I do believe they should change. For example, allow themselves to be just a little bit more emotional, like Qui-Gon and Anakin, so they would seem more approachable to the people like Trace and Rafa. Because this seems to be the problem here – not just the choice Luminara has made (a lot of people assume she was “The Heartless Jedi” who killed the duo’s parents), but her explanation afterwards. “The Force will always be with you” sounds like a religious bullshit to someone who’s had nothing to do with the Force.

It’s Ahsoka’s right to feel compassionate towards Martez sisters. But it didn’t feel right to me, that she didn’t even try to change their minds a little bit, to show them the other side of the coin. That’s what I disliked in the whole Martez Arc, by the way. When Rafa tells Ahsoka that “she is the kind of person Jedi should be”, Ahsoka should reply something like “but they are good Jedi in the Galaxy, a lot of them are!” Hell, Ahsoka, did you already forget who taught you all about compassion and helping people? (cough… Anakin… cough… Obi-Wan).

But she doesn’t say anything. Not only she doesn’t defend her friends, but also she kinds of ABSORBS Trace and Rafa’s way of thinking. She’s literally going BACKWARDS at this point – she becomes like every one of us. Because we are normal people, we tend to side with those who make “romantic” choices instead of logical ones.

Anakin and Obi-Wan turning their back to Coruscant, abandoning everything and everyone just to fight alongside Ahsoka would be a very romantic choice, but, let’s face it - a very stupid one. STILL, she expects them to do it. And gets annoyed at them, when they choose not to do it.  

WHY she gets annoyed?

That’s second, much deeper case – Ahsoka remembering being expelled from the Order and blaming her Masters.

Which is another thing that upsets me, because after Martez Sisters Arc I really hoped… NO, ever since the events from “the Wrong Jedi” I hoped, that Ahsoka didn’t really blame Anakin or Obi-Wan for anything. That she just walked away, because she sensed (not completely unreasonably) that something was terribly wrong with the Jedi Order and she needed to think things through - to think, what kind of person (and maybe Jedi?) she wants to be. It’s something we see a lot, and something I personally like very much – a character walking away from the others to think, to be alone for a while and to find their own path.

But it’s not Ahsoka’s case.

I mean… okay, it IS her case, but there is something more.

After what had happened, she HAS bitter feeling towards Anakin and Obi-Wan (especially Obi-Wan) – and that’s probably the reason she didn’t really try to defend the Jedi in front of Martez sisters. That she didn’t say anything about knowing Jedi Knights who are actually very caring and who are ready to risk their lives for the people.

It was easier for her to side with Trace and Rafa, because she was hurt by the Jedi too.

But did she really had the right to blame Anakin and Obi-Wan?

Let’s analyze the events from The Wrong Jedi Arc all over again.

Ahsoka gets arrested for killing Leta. Someone helps her out of her cell, and she assumes it’s Anakin – she doesn’t think about WHY Anakin would help her get out, and how it would look like. That it’s completely illogical and suspicious. She’s still young and emotional, that’s why she doesn’t do what a more mature person would do – stop and THINK how her actions would look like from the outside.

And how do they look like?

“If she didn’t do anything wrong, why is she running away?” – that’s the question everyone starts asking at this point.

Anakin chases her and finally catches up. He says he trusts her, that he’ll help her. And yet, she STILL runs away from him.

She decides to side up with Ventress and later gets caught.

And in spite of lots of evidence against her, a lot of Council Member are still reluctant to believe she was the culprit. Obi-Wan takes her side, but it doesn’t matter, since he is outvoted. We still don’t know, if Ahsoka knew about him defending her – if she didn’t, it makes it more sense, why she is cold to Obi-Wan now.

But, anyway – Obi-Wan is one case. Anakin, who works his ass, running around Coruscant, looking for Ventress, trying to clear Ahsoka’s name, is another. Anakin LITTERALY did everything to protect his Padawan, he shouted at Council Members in the Chamber of Justice, and…

And Ahsoka is super cold to him, next time they meet. Cold in a way a wounded child would be – a child who expected their parent… eghm… MASTER to move the Universe and prevent all the bad things from happening, and got upset when they failed.

Which brings us to…

The last case – everyone’s ATTITUDE. I believe this is the most serious problem here.

Making it as shortest as possible, it would look like this:

Anakin – warm, optimistic and shyly hopeful.

Obi-Wan – warm (not as much as Anakin, though), then cautious, then slightly cold, but still very polite and quite open to options.

Ahsoka – cold and professional (professional in the negative sense) from the very beginning, then warming up to Anakin just a little bit, after he shows her painted helmets and lightsabers.

Now, if we look at these descriptions once again, we can easily see how Ahsoka’s attitude affects Obi-Wan’s and how it DOESN’T affect Anakin. Obviously, Skywalker is the one more attached to Ahsoka here, and thus, he’s a little bit blinded by affection – but it ends up as a good thing, because he becomes a mediator in the conflict and he acts as the most reasonable person in the room. He is desperate (yup, desperate) to make all the people he loves happy. Anakin’s approach seems the best one, because he takes the arguments of both sides into consideration, he doesn’t allow Ahsoka’s accusations to make him lose his cool, and he finds a very good solution, that both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka accept.

BUT, what I actually believe is…

That Anakin doesn’t really give a shit what’s the whole discussion is about. Obviously, he wants to go to Coruscant, because that’s where Chancelor and Padme are, but except from that… Did you notice, he didn’t really present any arguments of his own? He just didn’t like Ahsoka and Obi-Wan quarrelling, and wanted to please both of them. Especially Ahsoka! I believe he was ready to do ANYTHING to make his ex-Padawan warm up to him again. And maybe, just maybe, make her become his Padawan again.  

Think about the whole helmet and lightsaber surprise thing. It MUST have taken him some time to prepare all of this. I can’t think of any other reason he wanted to do it, except from wanting to draw Ahsoka back to the Order again. Or maybe, just before her arrival, he was naively hoping she would come back by herself.

Why do I use the word “naively”?

Let’s jump to the Obi-Wan’s point of view now…

Kenobi was close to Ahsoka, but not as close as Anakin, and thus he is able to analyze the girl’s actions (her words and body language) more rationally, from the distance. If we look carefully, we can see, that Obi-Wan’s attitude changes through the whole episode – or, more precisely, it ADAPTS to Ahsoka’s attitude.

First, the hologram scene. At this point, Obi-Wan holds absolutely no bad emotions towards Ahsoka – he is positively surprised to see her, but he’s also very cautious. He immediately notices, what Anakin can’t – that Ahsoka isn’t the same person anymore. He does what he does best – he observes. And he notices Anakin’s emotional reaction as well.

Then, pre-arrival scene. I like the way, how Obi-Wan described himself here: “cautiously optimistic”. It balances Anakin’s naïve optimism perfectly. Why naïve? Because, well…

Anakin acts as if he didn’t notice Ahsoka’s distance to him during the hologram’s message. Or maybe he refused to see it. But Obi-Wan DID see, that’s why he’s all like:

“You know, Anakin… I don’t really think it’s going to go as nicely as you think”.

Nonetheless, both men have very, very positive attitude to Ahsoka before her arrival. Their faces send a message, which can be interpreted as something like:

“Okay, Ahsoka, we didn’t see each other for a long time, but we are genuinely happy to see you. We don’t know, what this is all about yet, but because it’s you, we are ready to listen and maybe help”.

But then, Ahsoka arrives and things start going wrong.

It’s not really about her saying “we don’t have time for the small talk and cute reunions”, because it’s… well… reasonable. She’s right. It’s HOW she says it. Her way of saying things sounds wrong. There is no warm, not even a polite nod with a short text like “nice to see you too, Anakin” – it wouldn’t cost her THAT much time, would it? She treats Anakin and Obi-Wan as strangers, or maybe exes she had divorced (I’m not implying anything romantic here, I just mean the air around this conversation), with whom she wants nothing but purely business relationships. Although, she SHOULD treat them like old friends to whom she came to ask for a favor. Because, hello, let’s face it – it IS a favor! Bo-Katan makes it sound like a win-win deal (“you get Maul, I get Mandalore”), but it IS a favor, that requires Republic to break X treaties and move its forces from the Clone Wars to… yeah, another war. But “what’s another war”, right? (sarcasm alert here)

I’m not saying Ahsoka has bad intentions. She has a chance to do something good to Mandalore and its people. And, luckily to her, she has connections to people like Obi-Wan and Anakin – it seems like an obvious choice to come to this two, and say something like:

“Hey, we were (and still are?) friends, we did so many good things together, so I thought maybe you could help me with this one?”

That’s how you ask someone for a favor after showing out of nowhere, after many years. Anakin and Obi-Wan have absolutely NO obligations towards Mandalore – but they COULD think they should do something there, if a person they both trusted, would ask them to. And they actually want to help, EVEN THOUGH said person is being super cold towards them. First cold, then accusing and judging.

And that’s the point, where I think Ahsoka starts getting negative points from Obi-Wan.

He tries to take her arguments into consideration, but he doesn’t like her attitude. Especially her attitude towards Anakin. We see Obi-Wan quickly looking from Ahsoka to Anakin many times during the whole episode, but the line is really crossed during their last conversation. Obi-Wan notices Anakin’s emotional reaction, when Coruscant is mentioned, that’s why he says “not to worry, we can be there within an hour”. But Ahsoka only sees her own agenda and, oh, that wonderful “enlightment” she got after meeting Martez Sisters, about how A True Jedi should act. She completely misses Anakin’s own personal worry about Coruscant. She rejects the simple truth, that she DOESN’T need to lecture Anakin and Obi-Wan about being good Jedi – she (and we, the audience) saw them helping people they were not obligated to help many times during Clone Wars.

Not just Anakin, Obi-Wan too. We can complain, that Obi-Wan likes the rules and refuses to do things without Council’s permission, but the truth is, he ends up doing the right thing anyway (usually after Anakin’s delicate persuasion).

And think about it:

Ahsoka lecturing Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi about failing people and failing her – it seems ridiculous. That’s right – RIDICULOUS!

And childish, of course. And that’s the only reason I still like Ahsoka after this episode. Because I remember, she hadn’t matured completely, she still sees things from a bit childish point of view.

We know, it WILL change in Rebels, and that’s what brings me hope.

Sorry for making this post so long, guys. Heck, I don’t even write stuff like this on Tumblr, but I needed to get it out of my system so badly! And, of course, I completely understand, if you disagree with me.

If someone’s up to the discussion, don’t hesitate to contact me ;)  

[ehstarwar]

a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves (1/8)

Rey looked down onto the empty orange bottle seated on the edge of her bathroom sink. She knew realistically that staring super hard at the bottle wouldn’t magically make it refill with suppressant pills, but she was willing to try anything this point.

The newest edition on the ever-growing list of Shit Rey Experiences', is being unable to get suppressants.

-

Rey can no longer afford suppressants and decided to take on unsuppressed life. Thankfully, Ben is there to help her.

-

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2.3K

Read on AO3

Notes: i've never written ABO before, but good golly, i have read it and am now ready to take the plunge. plz enjoy!

Chapter 1: doth suffer a sea-change

-

Rey looked down onto the empty orange bottle seated on the edge of her bathroom sink. She knew realistically that staring super hard at the bottle wouldn’t magically make it refill with suppressant pills, but she was willing to try anything this point. Three minutes of hard staring ended up being unfruitful and Rey let out a defeated sigh. 

She had faced quite a few hardships in life. Being abandoned as a child, tossed from foster family to foster family, getting into a university 500 miles away from where she was from, affording said university until she graduated summa cum laude, figuring out a way to survive and pay her loans back simultaneously; the list goes on.

But nothing, nothing, was comparable to the hardship Rey undergoes, continually, as being an omega. 

She wishes the hardest part about being an omega was the constant degradation she experiences in the professional world. If it just meant lewd comments and occasional handsy knot-headed alphas, Rey could deal with it no problem. But the fucking heats. The claw off your skin, masturbate until your numb, loose your absolute mind heats that made being an omega a living hell. And on suppressants, that only happened once a year. 

The newest edition on the ever-growing list of ‘Shit Rey Experiences’, is being unable to get suppressants.

Her terrible insurance had now decided that suppressants were an ‘elective’ medication that omegas could function normally without. While Rey will support Senator Organa until she dies, she does wish that the senator hadn’t fought quite so hard to pass the legislation that ended the federal mandate that all omegas must be on suppressant unless mated. 

It was a huge step in the country, one that Rey had even advocated for, but one with unforeseen consequences like insurances not covering the cost of suppressants anymore. But, such is life. This was the bed that had been made for her, and this is what she would deal with. People went without suppressants all the time; progressive omegas that clearly didn’t live in the same part of town she did, but omegas none the less. 

Rey swept out of the bathroom, promptly tossing the empty bottle in the garbage, before turning to her roommate. 

“I’ve decided something,” Rey announces.

Rose didn’t look up from the television, but responded anyways. “And what would that be?”

“I’ve decided to quit taking suppressants.”  

Rose chokes on the cheese balls she’s currently shoving into her face while looking up at Rey.

“You what?”

“I’m not taking suppressants anymore.”

“Why the hell not?”

“I don’t need to. Omegas are individual, like every other designation and do not need to be medicated just to join society. Senator Organa advocated very hard to have the federal mandate repealed, and to show my support, I will no longer be taking suppressants.”

Rose looked at Rey like she was out of her mind, and she supposed she was. Betas like Rose would never fully understand what it was like for omegas or alphas, so Rey isn’t surprised that this information is shocking to her. 

“Do you realize what this will do? Don’t unsuppressed omegas have like, three heats a year? You literally hate the singular one you have, why would you choose that?” An excellent point that Rey had not considered.

“The heats suck, yes, but… maybe if I know I’ll be going through it more often, I’ll try a little harder at actually dating someone. Use it as a motivator, ya know.” The excuse didn’t sound nearly as bad as Rey thought it would, even if it was total horse shit. She also knew that Rose’s constant pushing for Rey to actually put herself out there would be placated by this answer. 

“This seems like a pretty major change just so you can meet someone. Have you tried that one app that is supposed to help match up alphas and omegas? Knot It, I think it's called? That would be a more reasonable first step than… this.” The concern in Rose’s voice touches Rey and part of her is tempted to break down and tell her the truth. But then Rose would want to help her, being a best friend and all, and Rey would be put even further into emotional debt for all the helping she’s done over the years. She decides to hold steady to her little fib, hoping that Rose will just let it go. ( A pipe dream, to say the least.)

“I’m choosing this for right now. If it becomes… too much, I might change my mind. But I’m going to try this first. It’ll be good for me, I think.”

Rey ignores the unease in her friends gaze, and goes about her business.

-

The bar is crowded when Rey arrives at Maz’s. Some sports game is on that Rey would care about more if she could afford live TV to watch it continually, but cable wasn’t exactly a standard for someone who eats ramen for nearly every meal.

She see’s the large table in the back, the one that’s unofficially reserved for her friends, and notices she’s the last one there. A chorus of ‘hellos’ greet her as she slides into he booth, and is handed a plastic cup full of PBR.

“Rey-Rey! You made it! How’s our favorite mechanic?” Poe asks, clearly already a few too many deep.

“I’m good! Have you guys ordered yet? I’m starved.”

“I ordered a big ole’ hunk of qb with extra ass!” Poe screeches, looking up at the monitors, earning an eye roll from the sober people at the table, and giggles from the drunk ones.

“Buffalo wings and mozzarella sticks with extra marinara sauce,” Ben tells her. He’s across the table from her, but Rey is pretty sure that the calves she keeps bumping into are his. Ben’s damn long legs will always be a point of contention with her. Who needs to be 6”4 anyways? It’s just gratuitous. Still, she like the person they belong to.

“Bless you,” She tells Ben, earring a sweet smile and a hint of a blush. Ben is so easy to make blush; it's one of Reys’ favorite pastimes. 

The night goes on; food is consumed in an ungodly amount of time, beer is constantly flowing, the rest of the bar dies down but they all remain. It’s nice, the little family they form. Rey would never had dared to dream of such a thing, but meeting these people was the greatest gift she’d been given. Rey met Finn the first semester of undergrad, and been a part of this group since. Through Finn, she met Rose, Kaydel, Jannah, and Poe, and through Poe she met Ben. Friday nights a Maz’s had become a staple for the last few years, one religiously followed even when they probably should have all stayed home. 

While Rey loved being in this group of friends and partaking in their rituals, she had to admit to herself that it was… a lot. Without suppressants, at least. Smells were intense, to say the least. Every thing was heightened to the nth degree and Rey had spent the last three weeks without suppressants needed to excuse herself to get a breath of fresh air, too many times to count. 

Everything smelled so, so much, and Rey had to suffer through all of it. 

But it wasn’t all bad. There was the occasional whiff of a fresh smelling laundromat, or sweet pastry that was nice to experience. And, of course, the juicy smelling alphas that usually came as quick as the went. Like right now, in the bar, Rey could smell the thick aroma of leather and pine mixed among the crowd. It was strong, even diluted by the scent of others, so she couldn’t imagine what it would be like on its own. The though made her clench her thighs together in hopes of something that would likely never come to pass.

“Rey… Rey? Are you with us?” Finn waved a hand in front of her face, snapping Rey out of her train of thought.”

“Oh sorry. I was just… distracted.” Rose ‘hrumps’ next to her. 

“We’re still on for Wednesday, right? Trivia night at Lukes?” Finn asks her.

“Yeah! Of course. I’ve been prepping for it by watching Jeopardy every night,” She tells them, earning a chuckle from Ben.

“Good. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget. You’ve been so spaced out lately,” He tells her, making Rey sink further into her seat. 

“Probably because of the suppressants. Or… lack thereof,” Rose replies, causing every sober eye to turn and stare at her. AKA Finn and Ben.

“You stopped taking suppressants? Are you nuts?” Finn asks, incredulously. 

“Thank you, Rose. And no, I’m not nuts. I’m just… choosing the natural life, so to speak.” She gives Rose a pointed glare, and tires to ignore the heated expression on Ben’s face. Finn is a beta, so his opinion will probably be a little off the mark, just like Roses. 

But Ben is all alpha. Not just any alpha; no, Benjamin Solo was 100%, grade-A, total alpha who also happened to be the biggest sweetheart she’d ever met. It was a horrible concoction that had been the subject of one too many fantasies that Rey had shoved down in lieu of friendship. 

Betas would have some idea what it meant for omegas to be off suppressants, but alphas? Alphas would bristle just at the thought of an unmated, unsuppressed omega, even if they smelled like a garbage disposal. 

“So you want to revert back to a sex-crazed lunatic that thinks water is overrated?” Finn continues to question. 

“I don’t think water is overrated even in heats. And I’ve already gone three weeks without and been fairly normal. I’m perfectly capable of handling myself without medication.” Rey keeps her expression calm and cool, but her eyes are steadfastly on her empty plate. 

“Well… good for you, I guess?” Finn isn’t totally convinced and this will absolutely come up later, but he knows not to push his luck like this in public.

Rey gives a tight-lipped smile in response, still unable to meet Bens’ gaze, and is grateful for Poe for his loud interruption that he ‘will be a trophy husband to the first gay NFL quarterback’. 

-

It’s not until they’re all standing outside the bar, in the chilly autumn air, that Rey realizes what’s wrong. She had felt Ben’s eyes on her the rest of the night, and it had taken every fiber in her being not to look at him. She knew what waited for her when she did and her inner omega wanted it too much to be a good thing. 

But what’s wrong is not that Rey has to face Ben while they wait to load their drunk friends into Ubers. What’s wrong is the way he smells. If Rey wasn’t drunk of the beer, then she was drunk off of Ben. The hints of nice smelling alpha emanated from him, even through a cloud of scents. It was deep and rich and Rey wanted to bathe in it. 

She could also feel the displeasure he was feeling and it made Rey want to throw herself on the ground and beg alpha for forgiveness. She resisted, but only just.

When it was just them outside, Rey finally turned to face him, garnering any courage she could find. 

“What is it?” She asked, aggressively, before she could loose her nerve.

“It isn’t safe,” Ben stated simply.

“What isn’t safe? Riding a bike without a helmet? Eating day-old sushi?” She retorted.

“Rey.” It was a command, even if he didn’t mean to give it. “It isn’t safe to be unmated and unsuppressed. Especially…” He trailed off.

“Especially what?” She wishes her voice were harsher to express the anger she feel within.

Ben stares at her for a minute before responding. It makes her scent gland itch. “I could smell you. Through all those people, I could smell you. What happens if a knot-headed alpha is too close to rut and you’re alone-“”

“I’m an adult. I can take care of myself. Rape is still illegal, suppressed or not.”

Bens’ jaw clench and his hands ball into fist and Rey feels her core heat.

“I know you can take care of yourself.” It’s not what she expects to hear, and the softness of his voice breaks something inside of her. Her steely expression falls and so does his.

“You’re right, I know you’re right. But this is the way it is.”

“Why?”

Rey sighs, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes before telling him. “My shitty insurance got even shittier and no longer covers suppressants. My last refill ran out a few weeks ago, and with the way my student loans are right now, I can’t afford to buy them.”

She doesn’t need to see Ben to know the way he bristles. “This is because of my mom; because of the law she passed. It’s not fair to you that-”

“Your mother has been nothing but kind to me! She is a very sweet woman who I will always support and I get why she advocated for this. Yes, this sucks, but it’s not your mom’s fault.”

Ben isn’t placated by this, but keeps quiet. 

They stay like that for a terse minute, Rey scrambling to figure out how to move on from this conversation. He speaks before she gets a chance.

“I can help you. I can get you suppressants if you want. It’s really no trouble. If anything, I kind of feel like I owe you.” Ben is sheepish when he speaks, and Rey’s heart swells a bit.

“That’s kind of you, but no thank you. I can handle this on my own.”

“You don’t have to, Rey.” His voice is low, but washes over her like a warm blanket nonetheless. “Just, please tell me if you need help. Promise me that.”

Rey doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to even say that she would rely on him if she needed to, out of her own selfish pride, but the omega in the back of her mind screams to, at least, make alpha feel better. She knows if she does, it will help. 

“I promise.” Rey doesn’t know if she says that, or if her omega does.

[minaminokyoko]

A Love Letter to ‘Knives Out’

Disclaimer: This isn’t even a review. This is literally just me freaking out about what a great movie I just bloody watched and I just need to vomit words everywhere about it. Sorry in advance.

I think the best thing ever is I went into this with zero information. I remember seeing the original trailer months ago, but it wasn’t detailed. Just the short one of the premise, and to be honest, I’m not really into Whodunits. Clue is one of the exceptions and Castle is the only detective-related thing I’ve ever liked and followed religiously (up until the final godawful two seasons), so I have no predisposition to even care about murder mysteries. But then Rian Johnson dangled the juicy carrot of Chris Evans playing against type (because we all know the man is a sweetie and I can personally vouch that he’s great at hugs) and so I decided to add it to my watchlist. Then the reviews came pouring in that it was great, which surprised me, and so I decided to take a leap of faith to see if the hype was real.

Oh God, was it ever.

Y’all know me by now. I’m a hard, cynical old bitch. It’s tough to impress me, but fucking hell, I really loved Knives Out.

It’s not that it does anything new; it’s that it is a fresh, creative spin on tropes we’re used to and it’s also the strong performances that just make it a delightful film. It’s kooky and dark and offbeat. It’s charming. It’s wonderfully political. It’s irreverent. This is the niche kind of writing that I adore. It’s why I’ve loved shows like Frasier or movies like Snatch. I love the interwoven mess between the plot and the characters and everything coming to light in a big explosion.

Spoilers down below for my talking points, naturally.

I want to start with Marta, simply because I love how this movie framed the character as innocent, but not stupid, useless, or weak. I love that she had a great relationship with Harlan. I love that Harlan didn’t have any evil ulterior motives. It was simply a man who looked around and realized that he thought he was providing for his family but all he really was doing was supporting selfish, downright cruel people. That family basically just siphoned off of him and had the entitlement complex that is currently killing this country right this fucking second. It was very satisfying when he left them nothing and gave Marta the money and the choice of what to do. The final shot of the movie is genius.

Which segways into probably my second favorite thing about the movie: the commentary about the entitled upperclass versus the working class immigrant. The whole Trump debate during the party made me groan because we all just wrapped up three holidays, so I know that people were having to go home for the holidays and listen to the broken-ass logic of their Trump supporter relatives. Especially since they dragged Marta into the bullshit conversation. I LOVE the writing of having this girl who busted her ass, who listened, who was a genuinely good person, still being able to be a good person in the end after one hell of an ordeal. I loved how the movie poked all kinds of holes in the fake narrative of inheritance and immigration and patriotism. Fuck that. This country isn’t some holy land. This country was stolen from the people who were born here and then they built a fake fucking pedestal on top of the mass graves and proclaimed it theirs. Fuck that revision history and fuck the people who believe these lies. This movie is so satisfying because it’s a giant middle finger to those people and it’s a reminder that the future is these hardworking, kind people who care about society and they are the ones who have earned all the good things this country has to offer.

I also love the examples of bigotry and microaggressions that were more subtle. The WASPs in this movie don’t even realize the backhanded compliments and the truly insulting shit that they do since they’re so entitled. For example, Richard handing Marta his plate while he was arguing for Trump. That’s brilliantly done. He thinks of her as a servant while he pretends she’s on equal footing: saying one thing and yet his actions prove the opposite. There’s also Meg’s comment of “we’re his REAL family,” showing that those bastards all will smile and welcome you until the second you cease to be useful to them and then they show you just how truly ugly they are beneath those “civil” masks. When the will was read, it was the exact shitshow we all knew it would be. That was a great representation of the upper class. It’s not about being loud and racist; it’s all those subtle, hideous things they do to suppress people of color and the working class so they can stay on top where they think they belong. This narrative is powerfully woven in that regard and I really needed to hear this story in today’s climate, especially since we just started 2020 today, which could be the end of everything all over again. I applaud the writing. As a woman of color, I see this kind of shit every single day, especially now that I work in higher education, so I really hope it opens more eyes to the shit that not only immigrants but working class POC deal with on a daily basis. I likened it to Zootopia, where you came to the movie for one reason but then you were served an absolutely piping hot side dish alongside the entrée. Well done, Knives Out. Well done.

I need to give a nod to this powerhouse cast as well. I forgot Michael Shannon was in this movie so seeing him made me giddy, as I’ve always liked him since he’s so damn sinister. He’s a great antagonist actor and I almost wish he’d been given more to do. Jamie Lee Curtis did great as well.

But y’all know what’s coming. I mean, look at my profile picture. You know I have to stop and talk about my future husband’s performance.

Chris Evans as a villain.

Not only that, but Chris Evans as a GREAT villain.

Oh, God, pass me the cigarette.

We all knew from his work in the MCU that the man can act his fine America’s ass off, but boy, did I really like his role here. I compare it to Chris Hemsworth in the godawful movie Bad Times at the El Royale, because while that is one of the worst movies of the decade, it was extremely smart in casting Hemsworth in the villain role. Why? Because it sold the believable factor. Chris Hemsworth is so handsome and charismatic that he COULD in fact be a creepy ass cult leader. You take one look at that man’s chest and tell me you wouldn’t fight a smelly hippie to jump in his bed. Damn right I’d be in a Chris Hemsworth cult. Point being, Chris Evans as the handsome but cruel Hugh was phenomenal. I really enjoyed seeing everything unfold. He did such a great job. It’s all the more satisfying knowing that in real life, he’s the cutest, sweetest goofball on earth. I’m so delighted he took this role because he knocked it out of the park.

Which brings me to my next point.

I’m gonna be a basic fangirl bitch for a second here. Just hear me out.

I’d LOVE an alternate ending to this movie where Hugh didn’t do it.

I know, I know. That’s super basic and dumb and I know part of it is because I just wanted to like Hugh anyway, but it actually would be a great piece of storytelling if you changed the ending.

In this premise, Marta really did mix up the bottles and accidentally killed Harlan. Well, what I would change is that Hugh really did have a benevolent epiphany and he decides to come back to stick it to his shitass family and he figures out what Marta did and decides to help her so she’ll slip him his cut. Then the rest of the film is Hugh and Marta trying to cover the rest of their tracks so that Blanc doesn’t piece together Marta’s accidental crime. Over the course of helping her, Hugh gets to know her and they become friends, so by the time they pull it all off—mind you, I’m ambiguous in this AU, I’d be fine if the detective works it out but lets them cover it up or if they actually manage to just destroy all the evidence so he can’t convict her and he admits defeat—he’s now invested and doesn’t accept the money when she goes to pay him. Bonus points if he falls in love with her during the cover up. It’s not necessary, but I saw a couple little sparks, so I think it would be very cute if Hugh and Marta hooked up to protect each other from the horrible family and build their own empire together. But that’s me.

Trust me, this movie is brilliant as written. It doesn’t need that alternate ending. But I have to admit it got my mind churning about what a fantastic character arc it could be if Hugh hadn’t been the bad guy and he and Marta learned things about each other and formed a friendship. I’m a writer, it’s kind of a hobby, sorry. I hope I’m not the only one who thought that, but we’ll see.

I’m so glad I started 2020 with this film. It’s a rare gem. I can’t wait for it to get on DVD, because I am gonna snag it asap and watch it again. What a romp. It’s also gratifying in a petty way that J.J. Abrams went out of his way to undo Rian Johnson’s work in the Star Wars franchise and it’s backfiring majorly critically speaking meanwhile Knives Out is getting bomb ass good reviews, so good for you, Rian. Your revenge is at hand. #TEAMPETTY

I can’t recommend this hard enough. If you love murder mysteries or if you just love Clue-style quirky black comedy, please see Knives Out. It’s worth every red dime, to quote the movie.

Kyo out.

[dear-wormwoods]

--> Playlist: Eddie Kaspbrak Makes a Change <--

All of this new content inspired me to finish fine tuning the Eddie playlist that accompanies the Richie one I posted last week. I’m super excited about this one because it has some incredibly meaningful songs on it and Eddie is REALLY hard to make cohesive playlists for because he’s so complex. This is like, the 6th incarnation of ‘my Eddie playlist’, but it’s by far the most cohesive one.

So, as with the Richie one, this follows the plot of IT as is, except that Reddie happens. Which... may not be as canon divergent as we all thought, now! The narrative here follows Eddie’s attachment to Bill, realizing the truth about his mother, falling for Richie, moving and regressing into mom dependency and sedative abuse, then returning to Derry and ultimately dying in Richie’s arms.

Detailed explanations underneath. Spoiler alert: shit gets depressing.

1. Intro: Like I said in the Richie playlist, I like to start out with an instrumental that sets the right tone for the story that follows it. Intro has a really whimsical, dreamy vibe, which is how Eddie’s chapters always read, to me. 

2. Like the Dawn: This song is... so Eddie. It represents Eddie meeting Bill, his idolization of him, and the feeling that Bill can give him the world and therefore his world depends on Bill. It contains a lot of biblical imagery, which I love when it comes to Eddie songs. Most meta lyric: “and you will surely be the death of me, but how could I have known?”

3. Futile Devices: This one is also about Bill, but at this point Eddie is trying to figure out what category his feelings for Bill fall under. He grapples with the idea of it being romantic, but ultimately he realizes it’s familial - brotherly/fatherly. 

4. Glass Ceiling: This one represents Eddie’s gradual separation from his mother throughout his time with the Losers. At first it’s just, I only know what I’m told, I only do what I’m told. He says what Sonia tells him to say and acts the way she wants him to act. But as time goes on, he feels trapped and starts breaking out of this mold - and what’s more, he realizes this is something he has to do for himself, not something he will be saved from by a third party (no knight in silver armor shining). Most meta lyric: mention of losing an arm, rip.

5. Secrets and Lies: OOF. This song. This is after Eddie finds out about the placebos, when he’s in the hospital with his cast, channeling Maturin to fully and sternly stand up to his mother. At least for now, he knows exactly what she’s done and who she is, and he’s not going to take it anymore. 

6. breathin: Self explanatory. Eddie has an anxiety disorder and the Losers help him deal with it and keep going, even while he’s freaking out. This song also signals the beginnings of a shift in how he feels about Richie, who is the most adept at distracting Eddie from his panic and getting him to just breathe. Most meta lyric: “How do I know if this shit's fabricated?”

7. Meet Me in the Woods: This one represents the sewers and the first battle with IT. “There ain't language for the things I've seen, and the truth is stranger than my own worst dreams.” There’s also a reference to Holy darkness, which connects Eddie’s experience with IT to his issues with religion and spirituality.

8. Cigarettes in the Theatre: After that summer is over and things go back to normal, Eddie and Richie’s relationship spends the next couple of years changing. This song mirrors ‘Rules Don’t Stop’ on Richie’s list. It’s that initial excitement of starting something new, a trip to the movies that doesn’t feel the same as it used to, and quiet conversations under the stars that one day just seem deeper. My favorite line is ‘tell me your favorite things’ because of how invested Eddie is in Richie’s interests in the novel. 

9. Fire in My Bones: This song mirrors Richie’s ‘American Money’, but has a much more uncertain, anxious, Eddie feel to it. While Richie spends their brief teenage relationship thinking nothing can go wrong, Eddie is continuing to battle with his fear. Both songs are full of whimsical references to weather, geography, and open hearts, painting this exciting picture of that specific brand of young, idealistic love where it feels like the world is yours. Both songs also reference flying kites, which represent their newfound freedom to be open with each other. In Richie’s song American Money, the kite comes from Eddie (”you started flying a kite, at the end was the key to my heart”), who has always given him the freedom to be himself. However, for Eddie, the kite is waiting for him at the end of a tunnel - it exists in a bright light, representing the freedom Richie could give him, but the tunnel represents his mother, still attempting to close him off. 

10. Don’t Forget About Me: Richie moves out of Derry before Eddie does. Although he swears they’ll get through the separation, Eddie isn’t so sure - after all, Bev left, and then Bill, and they hardly heard from either of them again. In this, he’s begging Richie not to forget him, not to leave him behind for good. We all know how that turned out. 

11. Mother: Once Eddie is left with only his mother to turn to, and once his memories start to fade when they move to New York, he regresses quickly. This song represents Eddie’s repeated attempts to exist outside of Sonia’s security blanket and his repeated choice to return to her. He can depend on her to protect him, make him into what she thinks will be best, etc. There’s also some religious reference here, sort of implying that ‘Lord’ and ‘Mother’ are on equal footing - which, to Eddie, they always have been. 

12. Numbers: Over time, Eddie grows more and more dependent on prescription pills to get him through life. At some point he has to turn into the guy at the beginning of the novel who has every sedative in the book in his medicine cabinet and actively muses on how great those highs are, so I imagine that habit would begin in his 20′s. During this time period, he’s also seeking out sexual relationships with men who he thinks will make him feel better, or feel something, but they never do. At this point he doesn’t realize how big the hole in his heart is because he doesn’t remember who Richie is. 

13. Cough Syrup: As time goes on, Eddie starts feeling restless within this numb, sedentary, safe life he’s stuck in. He dreams of running away and doing what he actually desires, but he still stays put, and stays “sick”, because he’s always too afraid to take a chance. 

14. Wake Up: He gets Mike’s phone call and starts to see things clearly again. Memories start to come back, he starts to open his eyes to what has become of his life, and how it didn’t have to be that way. This is Eddie figuratively throwing off the shackles and eagerly running back to Derry.

15. Home: Pretty much self explanatory. More so than most of the other Losers, besides maybe Bev, Eddie is the most eager to go back ‘home’, to his childhood friends, and the memories there. 

16. Dear Wormwood: Ohhhh Dear Wormwood... my old friend. I’ll just summarize what I’ve said about this song before: this represents the moment when, as an adult down in the sewers, Eddie is able to overthrow his mother’s voice in his head for good. Now that he’s back in Derry and his memories have returned, he can see her for what she was, what she did to him and still continues doing to him even after her death. He understands her and pities her, but he’s not going to fall into that trap anymore. Her voice no longer matters. Most meta lyric: “I have always known you, you have always been there in my mind... But now I understand you, and I will not be part of your designs.”

17. Blur: Okay so THIS song is literally about IT and literally about Eddie. At first it talks about IT coming back, and then ends with the iconic ‘we all float down here’, but this is the verse that matters: “My throat's cracked and beaten, my back's whipped and torn. The glasses you once wore won't have a use anymore. Where do we go? What will we eat? The only promise I can keep is the one where I say ‘I'll meet you again’, reborn from the sand. The glasses you once wore don't have a use anymore.” So breaking this down, the first part refers to Eddie’s anxiety, his throat tightening. The ‘my back’s whipped and torn’ is a reference to when they fought IT as kids and he was attacked by Mike’s bird (when IT was targeting Eddie for beating the crawling eye for Richie) - his shirt and back were torn by its claws. Then obviously the glasses part is a reference to Richie, now an adult, having switched to contacts. Then the ‘promise’ he can keep is a reference to his own death. All he can do is promise to meet Richie again in the afterlife, or in the next life.

18. The River: This one is like, the beginning of Eddie’s death scene, when Richie stumbles to him. Eddie’s encouraging him to let his emotions out instead of bottling them up, because he knows that’s Richie’s coping mechanism and he knows how unhealthy it is. He wants to make sure Richie is going to be okay, and continue to be himself after this.  

19. Yes I’m Changing: FUCK. THIS SONG IS MY FAVORITE, IT’S SO FUCKING TRAGIC IN THIS CONTEXT AND I LIVE FOR THIS SHIT. Okay so this song is like, technically about a break up - whatever. It fits so much better as a death song. Specifically Eddie’s death song. This song fully represents his moment of self acceptance at the very end, and how at peace he felt as he died. The saddest yet most graceful death ever.

“I felt the strangest emotion but it wasn't hate, for once” - a glorious representation of Eddie feeling okay with himself for the first time in his known memory. 

“There's no future left for you and me. I was holding and I was searching endlessly, but baby, now there's nothing left that I can do, so don't be blue. There is another future waiting there for you.” - He needs Richie to accept that this is it, but he shouldn’t be sad, because Eddie is okay with it and knows Richie will lead a full life after this is over. 

“Yes I'm changing, can't stop it now, and even if I wanted I wouldn't know how. Another version of myself I think I found, at last.” - He’s changing in death to this cleansed, spiritually light version of himself he’d like to preach upon if he could. He’s been so miserable for basically his entire life, and dying isn’t so bad.

Repeating that the world is calling Richie’s name, as in he needs Richie to go on without him and not get stuck on this grief. “Arise and walk, come through. A world beyond that door is calling out for you.” - I love this outro especially because in this context, it acts as a reference to the door to ITs lair. There is a world outside of this place and that’s where Richie needs to be, he can’t stay here. 

20. The Trapeze Swinger: Okay. :) I don’t even know where to begin. This song has everything, it’s full of childhood references, biblical imagery, and visuals that inexplicably connect to even the most obscure parts of Eddie’s character. Plus the added layer of irony that he’s begging to be remembered in the afterlife, while Richie is desperate to forget, which makes it extra tragic. I’ve wanted to write a full meta about this song in particular for a very long time, but I’ll settle for a breakdown of some of the lyrics:

“Please, remember me, happily, by the rosebush laughing. with bruises on my chin” - Refers to the rosebushes by the house on Neibolt street where Eddie got entangled escaping from the leper, as well as his tendency to find humor and excitement in pain. 

“Someone caught us in the kitchen with maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank, a vision too removed to mention” - Refers to Eddie’s constant daydreaming about running away, his navigational skills, and the fear and guilt he feels whenever he let himself think about doing this. 

“The pearly gates had some eloquent graffiti, like 'We'll meet again', and 'Fuck the man', and 'Tell my mother not to worry'” - Refers to eventually reuniting with the Losers, his desire to rebel, and his continuous habit of putting his mother’s feelings and needs above his own as a child.

“And when the morning came, I was ashamed, only now it seems so silly.” - Refers to the shame he felt about his sexuality throughout his life, and then the clarity and acceptance he felt as he died. 

“And now you're lit up by the city, so please, remember me, mistakenly, in the window of the tallest tower.” - Refers to Richie now living in the city, and hoping he will remember him sometimes as life goes on, even by accident. Also lowkey refers to Bev seeing his ghost in their window reflection along with Stan’s.

“Just like the gates around the holy kingdom, with words like 'Lost and Found' and 'Don't Look Down', and 'Someone Save Temptation'” - Refers to his lifelong fear of being locked out of heaven. The phrases each refer to losing/finding the Losers, facing his fears, and accepting his “temptation” (aka his sexuality). 

“Please, remember me, as in the dream we had as rug-burned babies among the fallen trees.” - Refers to exchanging secret goals and aspirations with Richie as kids while playing in the Barrens. He wants Richie to remember that. 

“A fleeting chance to see a trapeze swing as high as any savior.” - Throughout this song, the trapeze swinger symbolizes love/relationships. Richie and Eddie’s window of opportunity to be together was fleeting, but it was more meaningful than anything else they’d experienced. 

“Please, remember me, my misery, and how it lost me all I wanted.” - Eddie spent his life being scared and stagnant, always miserable but never having the guts to change his situation on his own, which ultimately cost him a fulfilling life. He wants Richie to remember that and avoid making the same mistake. 

“... and chasing trains, the colored birds above there, running in circles ‘round the well...” - Refers to Eddie’s obsession with traintracks and freedom, the birds he watched fly away from Derry that brought tears to his eyes, and the cyclical nature of his life that he could never escape. 

“You turn from me and said 'The trapeze act was wonderful, but never meant to last.'” - Again, the trapeze act symbolizes love/the relationship. Richie and Eddie’s time together was limited and exciting, but couldn’t last forever due to the circumstances of their lives.   

“The clown that passed saw me just come up with anger.” - lmao I can’t even deal with this line. Self explanatory. IT is what tore them apart, both times. 

“Please, remember me, finally, and all my uphill clawing.” - He doesn’t want to be remembered for his previous failure, but for his determination and how he ultimately overcame the things that were holding him back. 

“My dear, but if I make the pearly gates, I’ll do my best to make a drawing of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl, an angel kissing on a sinner, a monkey and a man, a marching band... all around the frightened trapeze swingers.” - Eddie never thought he would go to heaven or ‘make the pearly gates’, but in his dying moments he finally feels like it’s possible. If he gets there, he’s going to preserve the memory of the Losers and their experience in the afterlife (the ‘drawing’). God and Lucifer represent Maturin and IT, the boy and girl represent Ben and Beverly, the angel kissing on a sinner represents he and Richie (who is who? Eddie would say he’s the sinner, but Richie would say the opposite). The monkey and the man refer to ITs timelessness - that the entity was here long before the evolution of man and witnessed all of human history unfold - it’s also a reference to Mike and Richie’s experience in the smokehouse. The marching band refers to the Losers as a group, working together as a unit. The frightened trapeze swingers again symbolize the relationships, how scary and thrilling love is, and that “love and desire” are stronger forces than memory. 

YIKES that was so much. I expect virtually no one to read all that, but I hope y’all enjoy the playlist!

[name-me-regret]

Second Star To The Right - Chapter 3

Second Star To The Right Chapter Three

Read on AO3.

- - - -

“Before all of this ever went down In another place, another town, You were just a face in the crowd Out in the street, walking around A face in the crowd

Out of a dream, out of the sky Into my heart, into my life And you were just a face in the crowd Out in the street, thinking out loud A face in the crowd.”

A Face In The Crowd - Tom Petty

- - - -

June 15, 2019 (Saturday)

He’d refused to return to the park no matter how many times Abbie begged him all weekend.

“I wanna see the stolen boy! Maybe we can help save him from the fairies!” she’d shouted. Tony wasn’t there to hear her, or he’d likely have something to say. He had agreed with Harley when she’d talked about meeting a fairy and that it was probably some kid playing a prank on them. As for Harley, he hadn’t told them Peter’s name, because he was afraid that he really was a boy stolen by the fairies and his face would be on a missing poster or something.

Now it was his birthday and it seemed Abbie was more devious than he gave her credit for. She’d somehow convinced Pepper, who was their adopted mother since she was married to Tony, that it’d be a good idea to have Harley’s birthday party in Central Park.

It wasn’t exactly a party, but ‘A Walking Tour & Picnic’. It was a guided tour of Central Park and there was a picnic after the 2 hour tour! Two hours! Who wanted to walk for two hours on their birthday?!

Well, technically his birthday had been Monday and they’d had a small cake just the newly formed family, and now some of Tony’s friends would be along for the festivities since neither Harley nor Abbie had any friends. But still, he didn’t want to go on a hike. Harley didn’t want to risk running into Peter again, because cute boy or not, he was super weird and freaked Harley out.

That’s the reason he was trailing behind the group, hardly peddling on this stupid bike he’d been forced to ride. They weren’t even that far into the two hours, it’d been ten minutes and Harley wanted to quit. It wasn’t because he was out of shape, because he was use to hoofing it to school if he ever missed the bus. He just thought this was really dorky and there were some kids his age pointing and laughing at them.

“I wanna die,” he groaned, wishing he could hide his face at least, but the bike was so old that if he let go he’d likely topple off it.

“Then perish,” a voice cackled. His head whipped around toward the familiar voice, and his stomach flipped when he saw Peter in the trees he was passing.

Harley wanted to ride off, but his gen-z genes wouldn’t let him. “That’s not right. I have to say, I would die for you. And then you say, then perish.” He’d stopped, putting one foot on the ground so he would topple.

Peter grinned with a shrug. “I’ve never been one for memes.”

Harley eyed him. “You are strange, what kid of gen-Z kid doesn’t like memes?” He noticed then that he had the same clothes... again. “And don’t you ever change clothes? Do you live in Central Park or something?”

Peter looked down at his clothes with a confused look. “This is what I had on when I was taken, so I can’t change.” He looked at him, head tilting with a sorrowful expression. “You still don’t believe me, do you?” He stepped back into the tree line, and damned if he wasn’t starting to disappear right before Harley’s eyes.

“Wait!” Harley called, dropping the bike and rushing forward. Peter paused and started to reform again, almost like some kind of ghost. “Shit... fuck,” the taller boy gasped, stopping just a few steps from him. “If... if you’re being held by fairies, can I help? Can I save you?”

His heart was pounding as Peter looked at him, head titled curiously. “Maybe... maybe you can,” he said slowly.

“Harley, where’d you go?” Harley heard Tony’s voice.

Peter looked shocked when he heard the voice, turning to look at Harley. “Peter? What is it?”

He shook his head, stepping away from him. ’Come back... don’t forget about me,’ he whispered, but his mouth didn’t move this time. Before Harley could reach for him, he he was gone as if he hadn’t been there at all.

Tony found him a moment later, but Harley was too shaken that he only managed a ‘sorry’ to being reprimanded about falling behind, and followed the man back to where he’d dropped his bike.

- - - -

June 16, 2019 (Sunday)

Harley wouldn’t say that he was scared, because he wasn’t, not anymore. He’d seen the sadness in Peter’s eyes, the truth; or at least, what he believed to be true. Peter truly believed that he was being kept prisoner by fairies, and he wanted to help him. Harley didn’t want Peter to keep having that desperate look on his face. So, against his better judgment, he returned to the park the next day without telling anyone where he was going.

Sundays were a bit tricky for Harley. His mama had always insisted on going to church every Sunday, and Harley always resisted her on account that he’d feel like a big hypocrite. He was what all the people in the congregation referred to as ‘wicked’. Damn, how he despised that word more than anything he could ever describe. It was hard being gay and religious, because he did believe. How could he look at his mama, who worked so hard so they the things they needed, and not believe. While she was gone now, he still had his sister, he saw her as her smile got a bit wider each day, and she made him not just give up.

So, it was necessarily that he didn’t believe, he just didn’t want to go to a place that called him wicked, disgusting, or immoral. Harley knew that no every place was like that, but he had no time to try and differentiate. He was fifteen, had a nine year old sister that needed him, and that’s all that matter.

Only, Abbie wanted to go to church, and Pepper had agreed to take her, because it’s what their mama use to do. Harley didn’t go, refused to be guilted into going even by her. So, he had Sundays to himself, trying to figure out what to do with himself.

This is the reason he was here now, back in Central Park and trying to find a boy that may, or may not be a ghost. Hell, he could be one of those supposed fairies he said that had stolen him away, and now wanted to steal Harley away. Harley would just have to make sure not to eat any food the other might offer him. It was just that, he didn’t know the first place to start looking.

Harley was moving along The Ramble when he heard something that sounded like ‘pssst!’, which was strange to hear so clearly when there was a lot of people around. Then he saw Peter motioning from somewhere off the man-made path, looking to he halfway inside the stones. It was late afternoon, and it was slightly darker here with the amount of trees surrounding this place.

It was Sunday, so the majority of the people were located in the larger areas of the park, such as the ballfields and the playground areas. This part of The Ramble was strangely secluded at the moment, almost like it was intentional. It felt a bit ominous to Harley, and he felt uneasy, because he wasn’t too familiar with New York, never mind the 840 acre Central Park.

Even so, he jumped the fence easily and approached with caution to where the ghost (maybe) was waving at him. “Hey,” he said cautiously, and was a bit surprised when he seemed to have changed his appearance even when he’d said that he couldn’t change. He would have said something, but he was worried that he might disappear again.

The clothes he was wearing weren’t any less strange, with a bright orange shirt and a green windbreaker with blue trim, and a pair of black and white shorts. His whole outfit clashed with one another, but damned if he didn’t look adorable. ‘Could you stop being a disaster gay for a moment, Harley,’ the blonde haired teen chastised himself.

Peter looked at him, swaying back and forth as if being buffeted back and forth by the wind, only, there was no wind to be felt. It was warm and uncomfortably sticky, so Harley would have been grateful for just a small breeze. He was use to Tennessee weather, but he’d never liked them. At the moment he was wearing cut-off jeans, and a white t-shirt along with his old beat up white sneakers. While it was true that he had been adopted by Tony Stark (there had been a press conference and everything, but Harley and Abbie’s faces hadn’t been shown to protect them for the time being), that didn’t mean he was going to become a douchey rich kid. He still wore the clothes he’d brought from Tennessee.

When he reached Peter, he saw that he’d been right about his mismatched clothes being terrible, but he still made it work some how. Or Harley was just blinded by a cute boy. “So, what do I have to do to... help you?” he asked, trying not to shuffle nervously. Because cute boy or not, he was also a ghost or a fairy trying to steal his soul or something like that.

The other grinned, reaching out toward him and Harley was proud of himself for not flinching away. When their hand’s connected, and it was strange but it didn’t feel like a flesh hand, but it was corporeal and cool to the touch. Harley shivered a bit as he got closer, but made no move to distance himself from Peter. He was seriously screwed if Peter was some kind of fairy creature trying to steal, or eat his soul.

“Come on,” Peter said, grinning as he pulled him forward. He found himself being led down a stone stairway. There was literally nothing down there, and Harley had to duck down under the large rock to get to the sheltered inlet that Peter led him to. He was surprised when he saw some kind of blanket or other spread out, so he didn’t get the seat of his shorts down when he sat on the ground.

When he turned toward the front, he was a bit stunned at the sight. The streets were low with their green leaves, some just bushes, and the shade they provided was no as ominous at all as he’d first thought. It was beautiful, and there was almost something rhythmic in watching the movement of water, no matter how dirty it looked, and now he could hear the soft movement of the wind. It was almost like it was just Harley and Peter, the other’s hand still gripped in his own; cold but solid.

“Who are you, really?” Harley asked him, looking at the other teenager sitting next to him, far too close. Even so, when the other shifted closer, he didn’t move away as his heart started to pound in his chest.

“I’m the wind... and the trees, and the ground under your feet,” he whispered. Harley couldn’t help lean back and away from him, but the rock was at his back, and Peter was so close that he should feel his breath on his face, but there was nothing. He couldn’t even tell if he was breathing.

The came that voice again, like two voice overlapping that he couldn’t distinguish one from the other.

‘It was night, and the rain fell; and falling, it was rain, but, having fallen, it was blood...’

Harley reached out with hesitant hands to the other’s face because he seemed to have gotten lost to whatever he was hearing or seeing. “Peter, come back,” he told him.

’And, all at once, the moon arose through the thin ghastly mist, and was crimson in color. And mine eyes fell upon a huge gray rock which stood by the shore of the river, and was lighted by the light of the moon.’

He was confused, since he didn’t know where the voice was coming from but the other was lost as he stared straight ahead without really seeing Harley. So, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to the other’s cheek, to wake him from his trance and because Harley really wanted to.

Peter blinked and looked at him as his eyes cleared. “Did you just-?” he choked and Harley was a bit amazed as his face flushed scarlet. It was a good look on him, and he found that he wanted to see it more. So, since Peter had leaned close enough already, he closed the last few inches between them and while he could feel his lips, cool and solid, it didn’t really feel like him.

Even so, he heard Peter gasp even if he doubted he needed air, and then he was kissing him back. His hand fumbled for Harley’s and their fingers locked together. Even if he was sure he might have been kissing a shadow or an illusion, it felt nice and he wanted to kiss him for however long he had breath. Harley knew though, that he had to stop, so he broke the kiss.

Peter made a small whimpering sound when Harley pulled away, but he needed Peter to focus; he needed to focus on how to help him.

“Peter, what can I do to help you?” Harley asked, scooting back a bit. Peter leaned forward, probably to keep the kiss going, and damn if he didn’t want to. So, he grabbed him by the shoulders and stopped him, and once again marveled that he felt solid. “Focus, Peter!”

The smaller boy’s face changed to that vaguely distant look, and he was in time to only say his name again before he disappeared like the mist. Only when he was gone did he realize it was dark, the sunlight had gone when before it had been shining through the tree branches, and he hadn’t realized how long he’d been there. Harley realized he had lost time.

Harley suddenly heard the crunch of footsteps and he tensed and moved further under the boulder, eyes darting toward the water, wondering if he could get away through there even if it meant getting his shoes wet. Then he relaxed, because it was likely just park security, and only had a moment longer to wonder what they were doing off the path when he realized it wasn’t park security.

“Hey, what’re you doing there kid?” a rough voice asked. He couldn’t make out much of the man’s face, dark as it was, but he felt one of his hands close around his leg and drag him out. “Spying on us, are you?” he snarled, and Harley saw there were two of them.

“Lemme go!” Harley growled, kicking at him as the man yelped when his foot connected with his face as he cursed. Harley darted around him, barely avoided the other man’s grabbing hand as his sneakers made a scraping sound on the stones as he threw himself up the stairway. The men were shouting after him, but he refused to stop, managing to jump over the fence and took off running, aware that he was being followed.

“Harley,” he heard someone call and his head snapped up, seeing Peter motioning through the trees off the path. He didn’t like the idea of leaving the path and crashing through the woods, but he also wasn’t going to get caught. So, he hopped over the fence, following Peter as he seemed to shine, reminding him of stories that told of lights that would lead travelers stray and to their deaths.

Harley certainly hoped the ghost boy wasn’t leading him to get lost and die.-

- - - -

[hufflepuff-ravenclaw-reviews]

Proven Innocent Season 1 Episode 4

This review contains discussion of abortion and miscarriage/loss of a baby

We begin with some old news footage, of a Muslim woman wearing her hijab, walking into court through a hoard of protesters screaming about abortion. Somebody dumps something red all over her, and the poor woman is made to sit in court, covered in the substance.

In the present, Madeline watches this footage with disgust over how the judge could make the poor woman sit in court like that. The lady's lawyer says that the judge wanted to go out of his way to show how much of a monster that the woman was. He asks that Easy and Madeline take over her case, because he doesn't think that he can continue to do a good job.

Our client du jour is a Muslim woman who was charged both with feticide, but also the murder of her baby. What doesn't help with this is that she had bought “abortion pills” from Mexico, although she insists that she never took them because she'd changed her mind. Her story remains that she went into premature labor, and the baby was delivered as a stillborn. But then she panicked and threw the dead baby away in a construction site dumpster.

As Madeline and Easy drive away from the prison, they fight about the case. Madeline is obviously on the side of their client, as she always is. But it's not exactly black and white for Easy. He's pro-life, and eventually decides that he doesn't want anything to do with this case.

Meanwhile, Bellows talks with the talk-show host. She knows that “Rosemary's Law” to ensure the rights of the victims, and to ensure that literally nobody ever gets out from jail, even if they never committed a crime, is a fat load of bullshit and will literally never EVER pass. However, they kind of gloat over the idea of Madeline taking on the “Muslim babykiller” case. Ugh.

Later, a senator, Isabel, and Bellows watch the talk show lady talking about “Rosemary's Law”. The senator also knows that Bellows is full of shit. However, Isabel quickly says that she'll go to the press and say that the senator won't endorse crime bills! She also says that she'll run against him... and that she'll probably win because she young, female, and Hispanic. Ugh. The entire thing makes my skin crawl.

Even later, Bellows dramatically burns a picture of Rosemary. No, I don't know what that's about. But I just thought that I'd mention it, in case it becomes relevant later.

Madeline and that reporter have sex. He's surprised the next morning to find her asleep on the floor at the foot of the bed, which is something that we've seen her doing from time to time. He also takes a look at her Rosemary's Murder Wall.

In court, Madeline argues that feticide laws were used to protect mothers, not to punish those who wish to harm their own unborn child. The judge doesn't see it that way, which seem fair, I suppose. However, this opens the door for Madeline to get one of the two thrown out, because either the client murdered her fetus, or she murdered her child. It cannot be both, because that's physically impossible. The judge is reluctant, but grants her this.

Later, Madeline explains to Violet about the “lung float test”. It's a test that's used to determine if an infant took a breath outside of the womb or not by dropping it into water. However, as Bodie is quick to point out: it's about as reliable as dunking young women in the lake to see if they'll float or drown to determine if they're a witch or not. He also comes with good news: he has an expert witness who'll testify that the float test is junk science.

Violet and Madeline go meet the man who is... er... an aging hippie. He's literally just a tinfoil hat away from being a crackpot. However, he agrees with their assessment that the float test is a load of garbage, and should never have been used in the first place. However, before he can appear in court, he needs a... make over. Violet gets a super flaming homosexual friend of hers to help give the guy a haircut and shave, and Madeline puts him into a suit.

He testifies in court about how easy it is to get a false positive on the float test. However, the judge thinks that it's just as likely that the test was correct. He also doesn't give the prosecutor any chance to ask questions of her own, because he asked them after Madeline presented her witness. Madeline is steamed about the judge's obvious bias towards her client.

Madeline then goes to visit Rosemary's dad. He's exceptionally pleased to see her, and acts like a proud uncle about all of the work that she's been doing. Madeline then asks about reopening Rosemary's case. He tells her that he hired a PI to try and crack it open, but the guy came up with nothing. However, he feels like it's too painful for him to deal with now. Madeline understands, and leaves.

However, he changes his mind a few days later, and calls Madeline up again. They go to a storage locker where some of Rosemary's things are. While looking through a box, Madeline finds a bottle of adderall “hidden” in a sock. Mr. Lynch is surprised over this, and even more so because the prescribing doctor is Heather's dad, who was treating Mr. Lynch for... something. In short, he's not the kind of doctor who would have prescribed something like adderall to a teenager.

Madeline then goes to find Heather, who denies knowing anything about any of that.

Bodie, meanwhile, goes to pick up his detective girlfriend, who's undercover as a prostitute. After they have sex (off screen; this isn't freaking HBO), they get into a fight because Bodie wants more than just casual sex, and she's... afraid of something.

Easy goes to speak with his pastor about the case. He was in court to support Madeline, even if he was just watching the trial and not asking questions or helping to find evidence. The pastor asks why Easy is so upset by the case, and then argues: even if she did have an abortion, does she really deserve 25 years for it? He then reminds Easy of Jesus's teachings of kindness, compassion, and mercy. Their client deserves all three.

Easy goes back to the office, where he says that they need to figure out what was going through their client's mind at the time. This leads them to find her parents, who weren't at the trial, and they sure haven't visited their daughter in prison. However, they tell Madeline and Easy that they'd stopped talking with their daughter some time before she became pregnant, so they wouldn't know what her state of mind was during her pregnancy.

However, this raises some questions, because during initial interviews with their client, she said that she'd hid her pregnancy because she was ashamed of what her parents might think. This leads them to the conclusion that, not only had she had premarital sex, but it had been with a non-Muslim, white man. They ask their client who he was, but she says that they'd broken up before everything happened. She doesn't want to ruin his life, and doesn't want him to go through this.

Bodie tracks the guy down, where he works at a gun range. He refuses to testify about everything at first, and offers up his fiancee as more evidence that his life is great. However, Bodie says that he'll leak to the press about the “Muslim Babykiller's” dad, so either way, this is getting out.

He goes to testify, where he says that even though his girlfriend bought the abortion pills, she was upset over the entire thing. He flushed them down the toilet. However, much like with the expert witness earlier, the judge asks all of the questions, rather than the prosecutor. He asks if the client couldn't have bought more abortion pills later, which the boyfriend can't say either way. Despite the fact that the only reason why he flushed the first pills down the toilet was only because he had said that he wanted the baby, and that he'd wanted to be with his girlfriend. So at this point, I feel like it's pretty safe to say that it's a wanted baby.

Later, Bodie is in bed with his detective girlfriend, when he brings up the issue of them being in a relationship again via a metaphor for their client and her ex-boyfriend. This leads to how imperfect that the police department can be at times. She's so upset over the entire thing, even though she clearly knows exactly what he does for a living. She storms off in a huff.

However, she later pulls him over, and invites him back to her place. So she'd clearly missed him, and reconsidered having ended their arrangement.

Back in prison, their client says that she didn't want for her ex-boyfriend to testify, because she didn't want to ruin his life. (He said as much on the stand, that his fiancee broke up with him after this came out. Which... she sounds like a piece of shit anyway.) She keeps insisting over and over that all of this is God's way of punishing her. However, Easy then turns the tables on her religious talk. He asks her if God is punishing her... or testing her. He also mentions this phrase: The Lord works in mysterious ways. She responds by saying that they have their own saying: God knowith. This convinces her to keep on fighting.

She takes the stand on her own behalf, but, as you might imagine, the judge made up his mind over what had happened a long time ago. It doesn't do any good. After court recesses for the day, Madeline catches up with the prosecutor. Both of them know that the judge is a piece of shit who shouldn't be on the bench. Madeline asks to cut a deal, but the prosecutor refuses, saying that Madeline will go back to Chicago when this is over, but the lady still has to work with the judge.

Later, Madeline gives closing statements. However, as I keep mentioning, the judge has already made up his mind long before it got to this point. He hates the client on principal, and refuses to listen to facts. The prosecutor stands up and says that she's filing for “improper disposal of a fetus”, which is what Madeline wanted, and wants to let the client off with time served. Madeline then says that she'll push this all the way to the supreme court if she has to. The judge doesn't want to continue this nonsense with Madeline, so he agrees to the plea, and releases the client.

Finally, Madeline goes to prison, where she meets up with her former prison girlfriend. They were together for a long time, clearly, and obviously once madly in love. Or at least, their options were limited because they were in prison. Madeline tells the woman about how she's dating a man, and she really likes him. There's a lot of hand touching, and then they kiss.