#but tumblr refuses to let me post this blog with it even though I met all the guidelines

[neoyi]

No Straight Roads is an impressive First Good Try from a newcomer developer. It's a bit clunky (loose jump mechanics; weird fixed camera angles during stages prior to boss fights; some uh, choice voice acting, though the latter is largely relegated to NPCs), but it's visually surreal and enticing, and the game is a mastery of nuanced depths and inner secrets coming from each of the major characters.

Naturally, I was immediately drawn to the robot boy band, which, conceptually alone, is fantastic. This is such an evil thing for a major corporation to do. You have advanced machinery designed to be the perfect entertainment system, drawing in millions of fans and their money. They're completely ageless and can be exploited for however long is needed, and if one "dies", another can replace it. 1010 is diabolical.

But NSR one-ups this amusingly bizarre backdrop by adding 1010's manager and his contribution alone simultaneously explains a lot about the game's creativity and charm, AND his character. NSR isn't above emotional and heartbreaking moments, but it constantly maintains an upbeat, positive energy; fittingly Neon J's war background is portrayed as hammy and comical.

But they're not making fun of him for being a strait-laced soldier (well, a bit, but not in a mean-spirited way.) NSR is really good about laying out the cards and letting you find and piece together why these people act the way they do. And I'm just so damn bewildered and in awe that this man, clearly a war veteran and possibly enduring PTSD, decided the best way to cope is to take his toy-making skills and create a military-themed boy band. Art is therapeutic, after all.

And it somehow works? Like there is something absurd, but fitting about a former war vet addressing his band as soldiers and treating them as such. It's just another form of training, just replace guns with dancing, and any war fields with a stage platform. It's kind of fucked up, honestly.

I can see why fans have latched headcanons of this guy being a father to his boy band. Like in-game, he portrays the army-specific "Father to his Men" and hints of his backstory seem to imply that his robotic toys are very important to him. I mean, he's an artist, and a lot of artists extend a lot of themselves and a generous pouring of love (sometimes a little too much) into their crafts.

And then you see this and go, okay, yeah, I think the fans are onto something. He could have easily replaced any of these bots from an attack like that. Neon didn't have to get up front to try and protect them.

Of course, this could be another extensive of his military background; he's protecting his men because it's what he was trained to do. Maybe it's subconscious that way. Maybe he's already lost so many of his friends and brothers-in-arm that he just dived in. But I think it's abundantly clear 1010 aren't just soulless tools to him.

And like, the guy has, at least, a decent sense of morals. I'm not sure how he feels about associating with a capitalist company (and to be fair, NSR isn't really about that, though I guess I could argue that the people high up are as much victims in their own myopia that they failed to notice the greater issues as much as Bunk Bed Junction is), but he's one of the first to point out Bunk Bed Junction's chaotic method isn't exactly any better (he is correct, there wasn't any damn reason to break a nine-year-old kid's piano.)

This is kind of what I mean when I say NSR's characters has layers. So much that for a game I powered through in two days, it had a lot to say about its cast, and it does it with gusto. There's a lot I could probably talk about Neon J and 1010 (do the latter have self-awareness? Is he a cyborg because he suffered severe war wounds?)

Also holy shit, their Christmas upgrade. Words can't EVEN.

[red-man-of-mustache]

Namedropping

Hey everyone! We're gonna take a little detour today/tonight to talk about something that's happened between me and someone you might know at @askwendyokoopa. I labored with this because in all my time being on/off tumblr I've never had to make such a post as this. Usually, if I block someone or someone blocks me we both move on like normal people. In this case though, I was appraised of the habits of this person along with my own experience with them and I proceeded with a block only to be met with them hopping on another account to blatantly get around said block then, when I refused to engage further they name-dropped me. Here's the post in question I'll be addressing throughout.

But, let's begin shall we? I'll start by talking about me. This'll be a long read and I know I'm asking a lot but please read it in full if you interact with his person.

I hope I've tagged this appropriately, if I haven't let me know. I'll also be reblogging this for the day crowd.

My blog is a safe place. I rp Mario as very campy, bright, and happy-go-lucky so I extend that to my general post pattern. I take my name and reputation quite seriously and as stated just a second ago I wrestled with making this post but I cannot let what they've said go uncontested. If you're reading this and you interact with them then this isn't me damning you or claiming I won't interact with you because of it but this is simply a cautionary tale. With that being said, for the more sensitive bits of proof, shoot me a DM or hit me up on discord(available upon request) and I can furnish you with even deeper details than I plan on going into in this post.

I have always avoided airing out my dirty laundry so to speak when it comes to any aspect of my life on this blog. Although it is "my" blog and I can post whatever I want, again, this is a place of uplifting and an escape. Rare is it when I'll post about how I struggle with certain things or if I feel dejected from a certain community and so on. I made a post a few months ago talking about my substance abuse and how I overcame it. In that same post I spoke about my mom, her alcoholism, and how she injured me in an altercation we had. I did that to be open because these same struggles have impacted my time on here. I was heavily self-medicating during my last run on tumblr and although I was present it was because I literally wished I didn't exist at the time. It all culminated into last year, spilling into this year. You can read that post for that information. I won't entirely retread that ground here.

It's a heavy subject and it's a dark contrast to what I usually post but I did so in case anyone could take strength from knowing I made it through a major struggle such as that.

Now this is a post about @askwendyokoopa,whom we'll refer to as Wendy for the rest of this post, why am I talking about me first? Well, once again, I've never blocked someone and seen them 1. try to circumvent the block with another account(one that perpetrates what I've come to have an issue with on them, more on that later) and 2. have that same person namedrop me for that block as if I need to convince them I don't wish to speak with them anymore.

Yes, I did.

Truly this song & dance is new to me. Again, I take my name(url) very seriously so to call me out as if I've done something wrong to you for not wanting to speak to you?? That's my right, you can't play victim just because I didn't give you a college thesis. This is the internet, if I don't wanna communicate with you I just won't.

I don't make vague posts about people I don't like, nor do I vaguely allude to me going through a tough time(at least I try not to, if I have those incidents are few and far between) I'll outright say I'm not feeling it or something along those lines but even then I have to be going through hell to make such a post. I also refuse to put it on my moots and followers when I feel inadequate because I'm here to lift you up not the other way around. If you choose to drop a compliment on my writing or personality, great! I deeply appreciate it and it motivates me to keep going but I'm here to give a boost to everyone around me through Mario. He's been with me since I was a kid and always a figure of inspiration in how he faces down trouble. I could use a bit of that in my adult life. I just wanna share that with everyone else.

I've actually been sort of a monolith my whole time on Tumblr and you know what? It's gotten me into a lot of trouble I can't lie. I'm doing my best to break that pattern by being upfront with how I feel, speaking to people more even if it's just to say "Hey I like your blog" or something simple along those lines. How can I claim to wanna provide a morale boost to people if I'm as reclusive as I (still) am? Doesn't make sense which is why I've been moving to change it.

This is not to name me a victim by the way. All this person did was namedrop me and mildly annoy me/make me uncomfortable but I've spoken with actual victims of their harassment and that was actually the last straw. So if anything I'm getting off light, I'm only doing this to clear my side of things and provide clarity for why this is happening.

I met Wendy way back in the infancy of my old @red-man-of-archive blog which I'm sure is obvious that it was the same URL you see me using now when it was active. Things were casual but consistent. IC Wendy had a crush on Mario but he usually never reciprocated and just moved on. Was it harassment back then? No. We didn't talk OOC and kept things "business" as I'll call it. They were amicable and their portrayal was pretty accurate in my opinion of course. Nothing funny going on to my knowledge.

Fast forward to me going through the various issues I did, being unable to even keep up with basic blog activity, and then going on extended hiatus. I tried coming back but had lost my phone number by then due to financial reasons and I decided this was the chance I needed to start over. So I did! I remade the blog September of 2018, archived the old one since I was still somehow logged in on my phone at the time and moved on. I don't think Wendy was around when I started over but they did come around. And to clarify: it still wasn't harassment. Things were casual, when threads ended they didn't have a foul word to say.

I end up dropping out again from tumblr, still in the storm that is my life. Not even a full month later either. I'd pop in for spurts of activity but it never lasted. Didn't see hide or hair of Wendy during this period.

Then we arrive at this year. Nearly three years after my last posting. I had quit smoking(THC) completely, I'm on the uptick in my job/finances, and I'm seeing a therapist. Took a look back and I've been reclusive, posting from my little cave this whole time and I came to the realization that if I want any staying power I need to put more of me out there alongside Mario. So, I start approaching people OOC more and trying to be forthcoming in where our threads are going or if I'm liking/disliking something.

Coming back to Wendy. When I got back so-to-speak I went through my followers to see if anyone was still active. Three years is a long time after all. I came across her again: Wendy. I looked at the timestamps, saw how far back they'd posted but they were among the people I felt comfortable enough to message despite the inactivity. Ironic.

Now, I can't show chat messages between us because when I blocked them the messages were nuked. I don't feel like attempting an unblocking to revive it but I'm about 90% sure they can see my posts anyway. Bear with me a little longer on this narration.

They get back to me after a bit and we start chopping it up. We catch up and I'll be 100% transparent in saying yes I did go along with everything being suggested. We started an entire thread based off innuendo but it was quite ham-fisted and when I stopped replying they began to pester me "Did I do something wrong? Can you not find another acronym?" even going so far as to start interacting with me through a different post and asking in character why I didn't reply.

That thread and the in character incident are gone unfortunately as I deleted them. But, I've got more than that to share. Innuendo isn't inherently bad nor does it go outside of what I do here as Mario.

By this point my patience has been tested and I realize this isn't the same amicable person I used to deal with. I can't speak for others OOC but I will say they hijack posts very often to ramble in character with this self-referential tone that makes it quite obvious this isn't Wendy(the character) speaking but the mun or simply turn things inappropriate. A few examples, we got

Just bizarre, plus it's AI

Again, weird, but not a blockable offense. They've at least put the bare minimum of effort in to tag it, I guess right? Well, around the time the gears were turning regarding this person's odd and pushy behavior there was someone within a server I've joined who made an announcement about them given they've had experience with this person. Unfortunate experience it seems.

They detailed a lot of things as did a few other moots of mine but one thing in particular stuck out to me. They claimed that this particular person used a whole host of other blogs to stalk/harass them. Then I remember this post.

Wait a second... going to their profile proper we see

Then if we hover over Pom Pom we see

So, not only do they have a laundry list of accounts at their disposal but they use them to circumvent blocks, and then will talk to themselves using these same accounts.

I don't wanna associate with someone like this. And this is just the tip of the iceberg, if I haven't convinced you yet, contact me through tumblr DM's or discord and I can let you know what else I know because their rap sheet is longer than their muse list.

They mass follow people within communities they're active in and even if you block this main blog, they could be on your follower list and you don't even know it. Thusly, I am going to suggest you block this person and their list of alternative blogs, and move on. If I still haven't convinced you, once again hit me up privately because I've got more personal stuff to share that doesn't belong here per se.

I don't wanna see this person victimize other people and that's why I took the time to put out this warning. All that talk earlier from me about "uplifting people" but I'm making a callout post right? Well, once again, I didn't want to originally because I thought I could just move on. But, this is a chronic pattern of behavior exhibited by this person and I don't wanna see them victimize someone else. If me blocking them didn't get them up in arms enough to namedrop me and play the victim themselves we wouldn't be here. Plus, I wasn't the only person addressed in their little callout post.

So, that's the scoop on why I blocked askwendyokoopa and why I believe you should too. They are not worth your time or energy.

The rabbit hole goes deeper but I've rambled long enough.

My discord is available upon request if you'd like to discuss things further. This will be my first and last time addressing them/this situation publicly. I don't do drama and in a month it'll be ten years since I started posting on tumblr. This has never happened to me before and I'd like to keep it that way.

Thank you.

[levichouphys]

A Tumblr Essay in Response to Youtuber Aldone’s Video Essay Titled “Why Elsa IS A Bad Character”

This is the first time in forever I use anti-tags in this blog, but I have to protect myself. To be fair, this is Tumblr and you have full freedom to block me after reading this post, so bear with me.

And I will close the comment session for this one because I imagine I would be exhausted to deal with it in this particular post. Forgive me for my cowardness.

 Caveat:

Trigger warning: This post has mentioned misogyny, mental illness, and cyberbullying.

I should first explain my relationship with Frozen franchises. When Frozen was out, I was a little 13~14 gremlin. I seldom went to theatre for a movie in my entire life, and I am still the same now. In the 23 years of my life, I have ever gone to a movie theatre three times. Every other movie I watch is from DVD renting stores or Disney Plus. Therefore, when I watched Frozen 1, it was when our music teacher in the high school decided to play the film in the class as Frozen 1 was a musical (so it qualifies as teaching material in a music class I guess).

I am a cis woman who once succumbed to 1990s feminism—I refused to have anything to do with feminine qualities as I’ve never learned make-up and dress-up. So Frozen actually resonated with a part of me that I had never thought existed—I saw the girl who wished to be seen as more powerful and tougher in the characterization of Elsa in Frozen 1. But at the same time, the influence of 1990s feminism in me told me that I should feel ashamed for liking Frozen 1. I refused to tell anyone (including my family) that I love Frozen, except my closest friend in the high school.

Once, I had to confess to my younger sister because she found me drawing Elsa fanart. I confessed: “I love Frozen, yes. Your super masculine-looking sister loves Frozen. Could you let me be and don’t tell my Mom? I can’t deal with how she would think of me if she knows I love Frozen.”

I love Frozen. I love Frozen Fever. Olaf's Frozen Adventure is mostly repetitive for me but I still feel the warmth when the sisters sing “When We’re Together.” I understand there are flaws in these films, but hey, I have a fun time watching those films, and they would be a big part of my teenage years.

But I don’t like Frozen 2. I personally disagree with many of the creative choices in this film, which I don’t think I would go too much into in this post. But just so you know: I am an Asian and I once wrote Frozen fanfiction and did prompts occasionally on the Internet platform in my own country. Once my criticism of Frozen 2 was known by the Frozen fans in the Internet community in my country, I was cyber bullied to the point of depression and despair.

That is my story about my relationship with Frozen franchise. I believe Youtuber Aldone has his story of his…somewhat love-hate relationship with Frozen franchise told again and again in his video. (Yeah today I’m going to express my personal opinions on this video essay)

 Aldone, if you are reading this, I would like to say that the purpose of writing this post is not out of mean spirit or hatred against you. It is me doing the thing I am more familiar with—writing, to express my thoughts on your several points in this video. I think we can agree to disagree, it’s the purpose of a conversation even though we have never met. I appreciate your effort to put the original video together, as I understand how much work it takes to make a video because I have edited crappy videos for my school projects before.

But I am here just to provide my opinions, nothing more, nothing less. Perhaps by doing so, I can finally have more peace with a part of me that was once obsessed with this franchise. I could finally be free from the prison of this obsession.

And to anyone who cyberbullies Aldone after reading my post, I just want to say: fuck off from my lawn and you are the worst.

Then shall we begin?

 Pardon me for not quoting Aldone’s original video quote-by-quote. I would write this in bullet points, but I would simply the arguments Aldone attempted to make rather than quoting them with composing a Tumblr post purpose

  1. Aldone: “Elsa’s parents are the worst royal parents in Disneyverse, they were portrayed in a positive light, but everything they did as parents were horrible to Elsa. The issue is the film never made it clear that Elsa’s parents were bad parents.”

My counterpoints: The thing with parenting, imo, is you can love your children but still fuck up the parenting. You can love your children but still gaslight them subconsciously so they will learn better, even if you mean no ill will. Their parents’ flaw was that they didn’t know how to confront Elsa’s emotions after the Anna incident. If Frozen 1 tried to flat-out portray Elsa’s parents as characters like Mother Gothel, manipulating Elsa just for their personal gain, then honestly I would be disappointed. It would not necessarily be a bad story, per se, but how I view Elsa’s parents is: they tried their best to protect Elsa, but they messed up.

 “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” for me, it’s a heart-wrenching experience as I feel bad for both Anna and Elsa. Parents served as a purpose to fuel Elsa’s fear further, rather than being a pair of good parents.

The thing about this world is that love is not enough for salvation sometimes. And love sometimes is poison. I don’t agree with the view that there’s “fake love/just obsession” and “true love.” Love is a fact, love is an emotion, but love sometimes will not necessarily make you a better person.

 But I gotta say, as a fellow who dislikes Frozen 2, I agree it makes no sense in retrospect considering Iduna had some experience with magical spirits so I am mainly talking about Frozen 1 here.

  2. Aldone: “’ For the first time forever’ is good until Hans ruined it because upon re-watching, we know Hans was the true villain. So the contrast between Anna and Elsa in this song is weakened. This song is supposed to be about the hero vs. the villain. (Aldone did not say this in this bracket, but I guess he wanted something like ‘Out There’ in Hunchback of Notre Dame from ‘For the First Time in Forever.’)”

My counterpoints: I am sorry, Aldone. But pardon me for being blunt: I think you grapple with the idea of “Elsa was supposed to be the main villain in the first draft” too much, to the point that you couldn’t see what Frozen is now as an end product on its own.

Yes, I admit it is always interesting and important to understand the creators’ intentions. But sometimes, I would choose to embrace “The Death of the Author” more to free my expectations from those interviews from the creators.

 So what’s my point here? My view on “For the First Time Forever” is: This is a song about fear, the very core theme of this film. It is not about good and evil, but it is about how two sisters deal with their fear. Now, you might ask “Well, it is obvious for Elsa, but what do you mean on Anna’s end?” Anna was isolated by her sister without understanding the reasons, her fear was: what if the coronation party couldn’t solve her isolation?

 I know it all ends tomorrow

So it has to be today

'Cause for the first time in forever

For the first time in forever

Nothing's in my way! (Anna’s verses from “For The First Time in Forever”)

 While I personally don’t agree with the choice to make Hans the twisted villain, I do not agree that Hans ruined the song. The contrast between Anna and Elsa in this song still works even if Hans exists, because, for me, Hans’ problems have nothing to do with the brilliant writing in this song and the reprise.

  3. Aldone: “’ Let It Go’ is bad for character development because it sends a bad message. It looked like woman empowerment but felt flat because when Elsa built the castle, she didn’t face the consequences of her actions.”

 My counterpoint: I think a comment under Aldone’s original video said it better than me: “Let It Go” is about Elsa being a hypocrite.

Yes. And I mean it. Elsa was hypocritical in this song. She sang about being free and could use her power in her will, but she chose to close the gate (of the balcony) right in the face of the audience. She was blinded by her desire to be free from her lifelong fear, but she didn’t realize her ice castle was just another prison for herself because her mind was never free from her fear for real. I feel like I am not reading too much in that particular frame of closing the gate right in the audience’s faces??? I just feel like…the metaphor ain’t that subtle???

Well, people always told me that I read too much in everything. I guess that’s how I function as a human being named Levi.

 “Let It Go” was unfortunately framed as woman empowerment because of its fame. Let me say this: If you really have ever watched AMC’s “Breaking Bad,” you would understand the scene when Walter White said “I AM NOT IN THE DANGER, SKYLAR—I AM THE DANGER” is one of the most pathetic moments of the character of Walter, rather than how mainstream critics interpreted as “badass.”

Now, you could say “But this song was supposed to be a villain song! They ruined this song by making Elsa not the villain in this film!” Then pardon me for being a broken record: Embrace The Death of the Author. The song was not ruined, the misinterpretation of the mass did.

 Finally, I just would like to add something to “she didn’t face the consequences of her actions.” I think: “For the First Time in Forever (Reprise)” is her consequence. You could argue that this consequence was far from enough, therefore, Elsa never learned from her mistake.

I would like to remind you that feeling guilty doesn’t necessarily make a human being a good person. Oppenheimer was crushed by his crippling guilt after WW2, did that make him a good guy?

Elsa felt the guilt, that was her consequence, and yes, she tried to run away from it, but that made her human. The inability to face her fear was her major character flaw.

But dear Aldone, pardon me but: Having character flaws doesn’t make a character badly written.

  4. Aldone: “We don't know what is Elsa thinking that much in the course of the film. (He implied that just seeing how her magic respond to her emotions felt flat in term of characterization) She was too passive in Frozen 1.”

My counterpoint: A character does not necessarily need to be proactive/having their own agency to be compelling. Elsa’s battle in Frozen 1 is her battle within her fragile heart. I understand Elsa felt more like a tragic character belonging to a Greek myth than a main hero/heroine in a Disney film, but to me, personally, that is her charm at least in the first film.

Sorry, this one I only have my own opinions to say rather than delivering anything else more elaborating.

  5. Aldone: “It felt forced that Elsa was brought back to Arendelle rather than realising her mistakes on her own. It’s nonsensical for Elsa to escape the whole kingdom after realising the horror consequence of her actions.”

My counterpoint: She was dealing with trauma just evoked by the confrontation with Anna—She just literally re-created the horror haunted in her imagination after the incident in her childhood, I personally think it’s unfair to expect her to react rationally at this scene.

  6. Aldone: “Hans' existence ruins Elsa's character arc as well because Elsa is now forced into a hero character which she was never meant to be. She has never faced her consequence.”

My counterpoint: I understand where you came from. But I wouldn’t call Elsa a hero/heroine. I would call her an interesting character, as I have no interest in classifying them into heroes or villains.

I would say: blame the masses for misinterpreting “Let It Go.”

I am sorry for sounding so irresponsible of my own claim in this particular session.

  7. Everything in the Frozen 2 session.

My response: I fully agree other than I think Elsa’s character was handled WAY WORSE than her in Frozen 1 personally. But it would require another long post. I have severe PTSD response to watching anything related to Frozen 2 because it evokes memories related to the cyberbullying against me in my country during its release. So no. I do not wish to explain why I personally dislike Frozen 2 on this site at least any time soon. And I do not wish to have anything to do with #BringElsaHome. I dislike it for its plot and character development.

 Please forgive my cowardness.

  8. So Levi, are you saying Frozen 1 is Pogger, and Elsa is a good character?

My answer: Elsa in my opinion, is relatable and compelling, as a woman whose major flaw was her need to escape her fear, but never realized that such desire would worsen her fear. She is by no means a bad person, but neither is she a pure-of-heart innocent cinnamon roll. I love her as what she was in Frozen 1 and her character is one of the most interesting for me in the Disney animation movies. And I am sorry, I tried my best, but I dislike Frozen 2 personally.

Elsa’s story in Frozen 1 was not about her personal growth, but rather about how such a powerful (magically) woman needs something with human warmth in order to have a chance for her salvation.

 You might ask: Does such a “terrible(TM)” person like Elsa deserve salvation even to begin with? My response would be: In my opinion, characters respond to the situations around them with their own blind spots and their limited information like each of us is in the real world. Elsa, in my opinion, at least in Frozen 1, had tried her best despite all her faults. And that to me, earned her a shot for salvation, which was Anna.

And I love Anna as a character. But I just love flawed characters more when I consume fictional stories.

I understand why Elsa’s character arc didn’t resonate well with other people, and I respect their opinions, as everyone can have their opinions.

  Finally, I just wish to write some words, and immense myself in my own words so I could reflect on myself more. The fact that I love Frozen and I can’t change my own opinions has plagued me for a long while. I know the fault is mine, and I am currently trying my best to improve my self-esteem.

At the end of the day, let me quote this from Breaking Bad to explain the essence of this whole long post:

“I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was really, I was ALIVE.”

 LeviChou out.

[nikethestatue]

I'm thinking of leaving this fandom too. Honestly, I truly loved and enjoyed meeting fellow Elriels. One of the kindest and brilliant people I've met online. I've been in this fandom for years now, even before acosf came out. But I can't deal with the general acotar fandom now, and sadly, no matter how much I loved all the Elriel/Feysand contents, and friends here, it's not enough anymore.

I didn't signed up for this. I didn't signed up for the constant bullying, name calling, slut shaming, misogyny, victim blaming, pitting women against each other and etc., I didn't know the fandom will turn out like this, like a true hell for someone who only wanted a break from real life. I'd like to blame acosf because most of the misogynistic take started after it was released.

I didn't signed up for all the dumb takes. Honestly now? I felt SO ashamed of being part of this fandom. I was friends with someone on the other fandom when some people from acotar fandom started making fun of the characters from the other fandom and they started comparing unprovoked. It was so embarrassing that even though I am not mutuals with those people, I still ended up telling my friend I'm not in this fandom anymore.

I didn't signed up for idiocracy or delusions. No, all the takes that gets crazier everyday? No matter how much I convinced myself that it was funny and time will come when they'll be proven wrong and would leave this fandom (because most of them hate what sjm writes/loves. They hate Feysand, they hate the IC, they hate everyone but the two characters) it's not working anymore. It felt like "wow, really, I'm in the same fandom of people who actually think (or better yet not using their minds over a simple fun series) like this?" I hate to be categorized with these people.

I didn't signed up to lowkey get called stupid because apparently I don't have a degree on literature, fashion, or whatever. I hate how I saw a woman in this fandom dragging women down because they have "big job and helps to fight misogyny, what are you doing? I'm above you." when she's the most misogynistic person everyone ever met.

The arguments are repetitive, most posts are the same or just being aggressive. I'm actually just staying on tumblr for the fanfics and theories now but like what I said, the negative side of this fandom wins, and it's so so toxic for me.

Acotar fandom are full of misogynistic people (not all, but most) and they are even proud of it. You will see it on every tiktok, Instagram, Reddit, fb and Twitter posts (especially if it's about Feyre, Elain, Mor, N&C), you'd see the horrible comments against women characters and downplay their nasty behavior as "its just fiction" well yes, but considering how they act like this? What more in real life?

You can't have a decent argument here or have the chance to clear your name because the next thing you know everyone will post you on their Instagram Stories or blog with all their thousands of followers to see and they'll proceed to shun out an entire group.

Oh let me say that even acotar Reddit isn't a safe space for everyone. Not unless you stan Tamlin, Lucien, Eris or Azriel. There are people from Facebook who also infiltrates the elriel group and made fun of us on the comments. This fandom is a shitshow.

And yes, since I'm already in this, I hate how someone would literally badmouth elriels to ARTISTS. Who'd tell horrible things to the point where artists refuse to take comms or draws the ship. I was so baffled when I learned this from a friend. Like really? How petty can people be in this fandom?

It never felt safe anymore. And our feelings? Invalid. Only some group of people in this fandom has a say.

It's like suddenly after acosf, we're suddenly invaded by 5 years old who thinks being a gIrlboSs is cute.

And sadly maybe this is like my goodbye letter to this fandom. (Not to Feysand & Elriel, but I'll just connect when acotar 5 is released) It was such a great ride at first, but suddenly became cancer.

I don't have the heart to actually post this on my blog. I stopped answering anons because I'm slowly distancing myself.

I hope to have another pre acosf days, or better days where acotar readers doesn't compare traumas, wanted a woman character to suffer/punished, doesn't put value on women based on their womb, people who thinks they are above everyone and have to hate on female characters in general.

Ps: when acotar 5 drops, I'll never ever think twice on visiting acotar fandom again (but would never say bye to my friends)

I honestly admire you and the other OGs for staying here for so long. I know what you all went through silently in this fandom, and I admire the strength and class on how you all handled it.

That's all, thanks for reading this. (I'll surely miss sending you anon asks about acotar stuffs lol, I love your response everytime)

Oh Anon. Yes. To all of this.

It's a sad anon, not gonna like, it was hard to read it, because it's so very true.

It's been eye-opening, being in this fandom, as someone who kind of older and been around the block a few times. I thought that something's changed. That women talking about women's changed. That women thinking about women's changed. That we've been fighting the same battles. That we were kind of past appearances, hobbies, inclinations, abilities, and we were going to be accepting and kind towards other women. Nope. Not so much.

That's been the most shocking thing for me to witness in these past few years. The intense cruelty that women are willing to subject other women to...over a book. Over a character. It's weird. And if you are not in it, you wouldn't actually believe it. But it's true.

I think it's the anonymity of online existence that allows people to be like that. Or maybe it's like the Salem Witch trials--young girls being cruel to others only to be heard. Accusing and acting out for attention. Maybe things haven't changed all that much.

I will stay because I have to see this thing through. I think the next ACOTAR book will be announced sooner than we think.

But after it's done, after Elain's book is done, I'll be off faster than a prom dress.

(if you feel comfortable, tell me who you are, so if I don't see you, I know you left)

Hugs. Be in a place that's good for you and your soul and your psyche.

[moonlightdancer26]

Is there a love story behind elloona👀???

I’m glad you asked 👀

To answer your question: Yes. There is, in fact, a love story behind my relationship with @maruke2003.

Here are the names in case you don’t remember:

El/Ellie — @maruke2003

Seph — @halfblood-princes-crown

Astro — @astronova-00

Martina/Mars Bars — @bookwalmartav

Will/Willow — @somesnapefan2

Rose — @rosetheslytherpuffxoxo

Teddy — @teddyscottish

Anyway

I’ll start from the ✨beginning✨

Disclaimer: This is input from both sides. I have told El about this question and we’ve discussed it.

Funnily enough, we met through our first adopted child—Seph. He was the reason El and I became friends, wives, and mothers. 😌

So, I never noticed El, even though she noticed me a little before. I only really noticed her when she began sending Seph Snupin drabbles to try and convert him into becoming a Snupin shipper.

(I’ll get to that in a bit ^)

How we felt about each other before we became friends:

El told me that: “You intimidated the fuck out of me but I wanted to be your friend cuz I thought you were cool.” (😕) Because of my aura, apparently.

And, I feel bad for saying this but, I was a bit weirded out when I first noticed her sending asks to Seph. Back then, I was only friends with four members of the Elloona fam (Seph, Astro, Will, and Martina) and Seph was my fave person on Tumblr. I wasn’t weirded out in a mean-sorta-way, I was just like “hold the phone. who’s this person and why’s Seph friends with them?” because I’ve never noticed their existence before and was curious because they really seemed to love Snupin, so I was like.. there’s a Snupin shipper trying to convert my bestie and I didn’t know about it?😭

******************

Moving on, it had finally dawned on me that Seph didn’t ship Snupin, so I was like *le gasp* and sent him this ask where I expressed my shock over him not shipping Snupin and told him that I can send a bunch of recs. Seph of course refused (🙄). On the other hand, @maruke2003, seeing this, tags me in the replies (all the replies are there in the post I linked btw, so you can go check them out for yourself) and asks me to send me some recs for our wonderful OTP, and I, being myself, decide to create The Ultimate Snupin Fanfic List and list almost 50 fics—in which there are series included (so idk if each part of the series counts as an individual fic). She thanked me for it and noticed that one of the fics I recommended to her was Lily’s Boy by SomewheresSword, so she was like “OMG I LOVE LILY’S BOY” and told me I went a bit overboard. I told her she had wonderful taste and apologised, then she said she opened like 20 new fics and that “we’ll need to chat about Snupin one day cuz YES.”

Here was the exchange, for the lazy ones:

And that was that. I was just like “aight ig they’re pretty cool (if you ship Snupin, I automatically like you, that’s the rule), I hope we’ll manage to convert Seph one day.” I simply moved on with life.

Then around two days later El DMs me, iirc it was about Lily’s Boy (and Snupin fics as a whole), I was kinda like “oh” but replied anyway. We got to talking and it was enjoyable, then we soon started messaging each other everyday. And then boom. Chaotic Snupin-loving besties.

How we became wives:

One day, a random idea popped up in my head: What if El and I had a ship tag for our interactions for both of our blogs? I thought it’d be a fun little touch to both our blogs and so I told her about it, and she said we should make a ship name for us. Then we exchanged some choices and El came up with: ✨Elloona✨

I don’t remember at what point of our relationship did we start calling each other wives, but it just happened. I’m pretty sure it might have started when Ellie edited her bio and added “Moon is my wife” (🥹), and I was like omg let’s do that for each other and so I changed my bio. And we pretty much just went with that.

El and I kinda made flirty comments with each other bc we’re both dirty-minded and we love to make dumb jokes, so I think that’s where it started.

How we became mothers / How we became The Elloona Fam:

One day, Ellie just told me “I adopted Seph” and I was like yoooo. I thought it’d just stop at Seph but El and I soon started to gather up more and more children.

Here is the order of who we adopted:

1. Seph

2. Astro (who declared themselves as our child 🙂)

3. Martina

4. Rose

And we also got siblings for ourselves, Ellie has two siblings—our children’s aunts: Will and Teddy. I don’t have a sibling in the Elloona fam (THE POSITION IS OPEN but if we aren’t that close I’ll have to decline <3), but I suppose I have more than enough irl siblings to make up for that 🤷‍♀️

One day, El came up with a new tag: “The Elloona fam.” And now we just accepted it as our family name. We also created some other tags: “stan the Elloona fam for clear skin,” “Elloona and their first child,” (<- I came up with the first two 😌), “the Elloona fam,” “Elloona fam,” and “the Elloona sisters.” We might create one for the children but they hardly interact. 🙄

So yeah, I guess this just about covers it. Thanks for asking!

[trickstercheshi]

I posted 11,785 times in 2022

That's 5,536 more posts than 2021!

36 posts created (0%)

11,749 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@alinnsurana

@theygender

@m-eowdy

@datfearlessfangirl

@my-barbershop-quartet-is-dead

I tagged 3,666 of my posts in 2022

#gideon the ninth - 364 posts

#nona the ninth spoilers - 202 posts

#harrow - 197 posts

#griddlehark - 177 posts

#nona the ninth - 111 posts

#gideon - 81 posts

#jod - 78 posts

#ianthe - 77 posts

#my aesthetic - 69 posts

#home inspo - 65 posts

Longest Tag: 105 characters

#the only reason i have one at all is bc it makes it easier to search through fashion content i wanna save

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Apparently tumblr didn't actually post this post I wrote right when I finished nona so time to go back and add some quotes.

-----

Ok I just finished nona and I'm going insane but, I wonder if mercymorn and Augustine and Gideon aren't the lyctors original names? Bc we know that's who Jod is talking about, but why censor them? Unless they were different and he changed them when the woke up.

My key piece of evidence for this is the bit where he talks about Ulysses and Titania and how he changed their names from the original. ALSO WILD THAT THEY WERE DEAD BEFORE HE MET THEM AND REVIVED WAY LATER

-----

My evidence:

So, my two kids, the guinea pigs, they were U— and T— on their certificates, you know, their old names. I thought about using those but it didn’t seem appropriate.

And then a bit later:

Let me introduce you to … Ulysses. Let me introduce you to … Titania.

Following these naming conventions that means all the lyctors had other names originally. I'm dying to know what they are.

And also trying to figure out who all the ppl he's referencing are:

He said, It was me and A— and M— at the start.

This one's pretty obviously Augustine and Mercymorn.

C— was brought on by the oversight execs for contracts, you know, checks and balances, but look where that ended up, she was on our side before the first year was over

This could be Cristabel, Cassiopeia, Cyrus, or Cytherea. (God why r there so many C names). Leaning towards Cristabel at this point just bc she goes with Mercymorn.

We even lent them G— at the time because they wanted to talk about coating.

This one's G1deon obviously.

C— was panicking because with the project over she was getting recalled to England and didn’t want to go, she’d got N— and didn’t want to leave her, refused to admit they were dating even though we all knew.

Ok so C is pretty obviously Cassiopeia at this point, and N is Nigella.

Interesting side note here, everyone mentioned so far is a necromancer, not cavelier (with the exception of N whose only referenced in relation to C.

we had a pet cop, P—. She’d made detective by that point; was going on to big things in the MoD. Knew G— from way back,

PYRRHA yasss baby

god her being a cop makes so much sense lmao.

C— was still pretending they weren’t dating—she was an artist, so that was cool. If you have two scientists and an engineer and a detective and a lawyer and an artist you’re pretty much sweet as.

Cassiopeia is the lawyer if we're going off of the earlier quote, so Nigella is the artist, Mercymorn and Augustine are both scientists, I'm p sure G1deon is the engineer, and Pyrrha is the detective obviously.

M— had brought in her best friend, the nun,

interestingly this person is always described as "M—'s nun, and never given a letter. It could definitely be Cristabel, especially given that we can't use C— twice without it being hella confusing, but I'm wondering if John chose not to revive her afterwards for some reason so she's not actually anyone. There's this weird distance to how he describes her vs the other ppl: "the nun", "our nun", "M—'s nun" vs everyone's name. (He would be that petty).

My other theory is that M—'s nun is ANASTASIA. Again, can't use A a second time, she's obviously smart as hell and gets him to figure out the soul, which hello our Anastasia almost perfected the actual lyctoral process, and obviously the ninth house is full of nuns. Plus, he trusted her to watch over Alecto and seal the tomb, who better then the person that showed you she existed in the first place?

And then A— brought in his little brother who was a hedge fund manager. A— Junior was useless but he was a darling,

We know from HTN that this is Alfred.

See the full post

86 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

#4

"I did end up writing a total divergence when I was writing Nona, back in 2020, because I wanted to make sure my clockwork made sense — I wanted to make sure that if you wound up Gideon and Harrow and put them on a slightly different route the laws of the universe would still flow accordingly. (I stopped writing because when your editor asks how you’re doing and you’re like “I stopped to write 30k to prove a timeline” he’s legally allowed to shoot you with a crossbow.)"

Tamsyn release this as bonus content challenge

190 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

#3

Ok I know everyone and their mother thinks Nona is in gideon's body, but what if... It's actually Harrow's body instead???

I have very little scant evidence for this but I will present it anyways.

At the end of Harrow the Ninth, Pyrrha, in G1deon's body, is with Gideon, in Harrow's body, onboard the Mithraeum at the bottom of the river.

Gideon breaks a window and swims out into the river, sees god and Ianthe, and then drowns. Then she sees

"a great sunshiny light: a blurred figure [...] your bullshit dead girlfriend had come to claim you.

And she said in the wrong voice twice removed: "Chest compressions. I know her sternums shattered; ignore it. We need that heart pumping. On my mark."

Hands pressed. We died." (500)

Then, in the Epilogue, the mystery girl lives with "the person who went to work for her, the person who taught her, and the person who looked after her" (505) we get confirmation at the end that "the person who looks after her" is Camilla.

Then, in the Nona the Ninth summary it says "Nona would prefer to live an ordinary life with the people she loves, with Pyrrha and Camilla and Palamedes"

So somehow, Pyrrha gets from in the river with Gideon in Harrow's body, to Camilla and Pal. What if she took Harrow's body with her? Knowing her character, and especially knowing that she just found out that Wake's daughter is in Harrow's body, it doesn't rly make sense for her to just abandon them.

I know this doesn't rly track with the fact that we know Cam was with Gideon's body at one point, but she's definitely not with Gideon's body in the shuttle when she meets Harrow, and given that that body was achieving cult worship status by BOE it's unlikely that they would let it go.

My other evidence, which is more circumstantial than anything, is that mystery girl is given "bones to arrange ("just whatever feels normal")" and "the sword would be put in her hand again by the person who looked after her" (505-506)

This would make sense for cam and pal to do if they knew it was someone in Harrow's body, bc they knew that both harrow (a necromancer) and Gideon (a cavalier) had been in that body previously.

Side note, "the sword" could be referring to gideon's two-hander, more evidence for it being Harrow's body, bc otherwise how would they have gotten the sword?

240 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

#2

A chronological reading of Harrow the Ninth

Note: this guide assumes htn has already been read and is not spoiler free.

This is my best guess as to the order of the events of the book chronologically. Since some things very clearly happen simultaneously (harrow in the river bubble and Gideon in her body for example) I have chosen an order to read those events in. This is fairly arbitrary and I will note that where possible.

The general timeline will be:

River bubble events at Canaan house up to and including the AUs

Present day events (Erebos and Mithraeum) up to Harrow getting stabbed

River bubble after Harrow becomes conscious

Gideon in Harrow's body

6 months after the emperors murder

All page numbers are for the paperback edition.

River bubble Canaan House

chapter 3 pg. 47-54 Harrow's childhood

chapter Parodos pg. 19-23 (14 months before) the summons

chapter 5 pg. 68-72 shuttle to Canaan

chapter 8 pg. 108-115 Canaan intro

chapter 10 pg. 127-135 Ortus reading Noniad

chapter 18 pg. 180-185 Deuteros' body

chapter 21 pg. 197-206 Pal and Cams bodies

chapter 26 pg. 236-238 Silas kills Corona

chapter 28 pg. 248-354 Harrow admits her madness

chapter 35 pg. 323-330 teacher leaves

the AUs

Given that we have no info on the timing of these I am placing them in the order they are presented in the book. At the very least they should be read before harrow awakens in the river bubble due to this line: "we have no idea of the limitations in those other scenarios" (379)

chapter 40 pg. 367-371 Harrow Nova (reverse roles)

chapter 41 pg. 372-374 Divine Highness arranged marriage

chapter 42 pg. 375-378 cohort coffee shop

Erebos

I'm not actually totally sure if the lobotomy happens on the Erebos or at Canaan house but it's the earliest thing in the book so it goes first.

chapter Epiparodos pg. 360-364 (9 months and 29 days before) the lobotomy

chapter 1 pg. 27-31 (9 months before) Jod gives her the sword

See the full post

330 notes - Posted January 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Every time the body speaks in HTN

(In chronological order)

"the Body of the Locked Tomb had not spoken to you since the night you massaged the purple, swollen clots of blood out of the necks of your dead parents" (44)

This directly contradicts the next quote, from before Harrow goes to Canaan house.

"This isn't how it happens, said the Body. (23)

This is 14 months before the emperors murder, when Harrow is asking Ortus to be her cavalier. Side note: this is the only time the Body is present or speaks in the dream bubble/altered past.

"What he is saying," said the Body distinctly, "is that you have to learn that sword." (44)

Harrow talking to God about revenant beasts. She describes the the Body's voice as

"its dry uncanny echo of other voices you had known: your mother's, Crux's." (44)

She then replies to the body with:

"I can't," you said as carefully as possible. "I can't, beloved. It's gone." [...]

"You are walking down a long passage," said the Body. "You need to turn around."

"I am standing in the dark," you told her. [...] "I lost it. It's gone. There's nothing there. I must have misapprehended the process. I am half a Lyctor. I am nothing, I am pointless, I am unmanned." (45)

This is (presumably) before Ianthe gives her the letters and tells her of the work.

"How old are you?" she [Mercymorn] asked abruptly. "How old are you in years?" [...]

It was then that the Body emerged from behind the Lyctor's shoulder [...] and she said, quite clearly, with the voice of Aiglamene and your mother commingled:

"Lie, Harrow. Now." (77)

This is when Mercy first captures Harrow.

a dream wherein you sat down to dinner opposite the Body. [...] you talked comfortably of very little—yet it felt as thought it meant very much. [...]

Then the Body looked at you with those direct, incalculable eyes, and she said: "Harrowhark. Wake up."

"Pardon?"

"Wake up. Now." (207)

She is warning Harrow to get up to see Wake in Cytheria's corpse.

Aloud, you said through swollen lips: "The Saint of Duty must die."

And on the bed, the Body said, "Yes." (226)

Right after G1deon breaks through her wards in her room.

Next to you, the Body said quietly, "The water is risen. So is the sun. We will endure." (294)

After Harrow chooses not to kill G1deon and Wake in Cytheria's corpse escapes.

You said, "Beloved?"

She said, "It's coming," with the most anticipatory astonishment you had ever heard from her in her low, many-personed voice—right then she used the voice of your father's cavalier. And: "It's near!" [...]

See the full post

602 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[12thhousepoet]

daily tarot reading 11.16.22

may my spirit guides speak through me, to you, 

and bring the collective peace, strength, and a clear view.

SIX OF WANDS | PAGE OF PENTACLES | R. TEN OF SWORDS

today we proceed with confidence- with a vigor and a charisma that inspires others around us to walk a little taller and act heart-forward. venus is in sagittarius and the moon is in leo, encouraging us to expand and truly enjoy the chase of our endeavors, while enjoying the ovation of an audience. how are you showing out today?

we are inspired, staring right into the eyes of potential as if our pursuits have already been met. remember, though, that even a plan of attack isn't a sure thing. start slow, and instead of looking out for the gaze of others, keep your attention glued to the path ahead of you. there's a lot more time than you think, and there are some skeletons in your closet that need to be cleared out, too- so you can travel lightly.

what are these skeletons? behind your confidence could be an ego that refuses to let go of past failures. didn't strike while the iron was hot? didn't move fast enough? it just didn't work out? why keep that baggage in the back seat? after all, they're only taking up space and weighing you down. you're so ready to start fresh, but this is the rot that could contaminate everything else. release, then proceed. you can move more easily if you carry less.

corresponding astrological sign: leo, taurus, aquarius, scorpio, sagittarius, gemini

ALL COLLECTIVE TAROT MESSAGES ARE INTENDED FOR THE GENERAL TUMBLR COMMUNITY, AND FOR THIS REASON I ASK THAT YOU TAKE WHAT RESONATES WITH YOU AND LEAVE THE REST BEHIND. if you enjoyed today’s reading, please like and reblog my post and follow me for more 12th house blogs! if you’d like to request a personal reading with me, please refer to my pinned infographic and click the link in my description to complete the form! thank you in advance for your support and light!

[phantalgia]

A Mental Impasse For Today

I often get into those situations where my brain just refuses to move forward. For whatever reason, whether I like it or not. I just stop. I woke up today with a weird dream, I don't want to get into it as that's not important. What is important is that I feel like I'm at a mental impasse.

Last night I was planning on what my next post would be and I just couldn't even think about it. So I decided to sleep on it. Nothing has changed. But this thing where my brain just refuses to move forward is quite a frustrating experience. I don't know if anyone else experiences it, but for me it causes a lot of distress. I don't know what it is exactly.

But here's what I will say that happened today. I woke up, and the first thing I do is check through my Instagram feed to be met with the shit happening in France. Emmanuel Macron refusing to announce the left wing PM and seeing how he had a meeting with Marine Le Pen. Now, I'm not too familiar with how French politics works but this didn't seem good and clearly isn't as the left coalition in France is backing the protesters. So that was occupying my mind. Which as you can imagine puts you in a state of worry as if liberals are that easy to cozy up to fascists then it doesn't spell good news for US politics or politics anywhere.

But that's all besides the point. My fucking brain. So, after being anxious about that, I knew I needed to focus my attention on Tumblr. Because I was bothered by the default theme showing my blog posts with a white background. I spent all morning and some of the afternoon trying to fiddle around with the HTML when I just ended up picking a different theme XD. So, problem solved until I actually really want a custom site.

Where does that leave me now? Well, through that search of a new theme I noticed how stressed I was. I can't quite tell if it was a physical stress, emotional stress, or a mixture. Whichever. But this goes into some of the physical/mental health issues I've been dealing with. I was planning to write about that but I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know where to start, what to say or what. So instead of writing about it, I'll write about how I feel right now and then have it lead me to talking about that. So here I am talking about it. But...I think I'll save it for as a part 2 of this post. Or a de-facto continuation of this while keeping it as a separate post.

I have been having other thoughts like trying to better organize these posts and shorten them down so they're more digestible. As you can see, I'm just rambling and rambling and rambling stretching this out as my mind goes on and on. Perhaps that will just be another goal to keep in mind for long term blogging. So let's see:

Long Term Goals For Blogging

Improve writing skills and grammar

Shorten things up or organize my posts to make them easier to read and more digestible

I do like rambling though. I could just ramble on and on and let my mind loose. It feels good, even if people don't bother reading my entire post, which I doubt ANYONE will. The alternative is to post like a Twitter (I refuse to call it X, if Elon Musk can deadname his daughter, we can deadname Twitter) post, keep it short and just update as the day goes on. We shall see.

Anyway, I think my mind feels somewhat clearer. Not really, but I do have some peace of mind that the things bothering me this morning and afternoon are outside of my head. So maybe later I can finally get into talking about my long term stuff I've been dealing with and analyzing that.

[1dmonthlyficroundup]

1D Monthly Fic Roundup 

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for April 2021! Below the cut you’ll find 17 One Direction fics that were all published this month in the order they were submitted to the blog. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup​. 

To Begin Again by @chloehl10​ / lovelarry10 

[Harry/Louis, 23k, Teen and Up, tumblr post] 

“I, uh, I’m really sorry for yelling at you like I did.”

“Hey, I deserved it and more. I’m lucky you didn’t come and deck me on the nose,” Louis said, holding his hands up as if to surrender. “Seriously, you went lightly on me. If a crazy dog was leaping around me and my kids, I’d have lost my shit long before you did, and it would have been a lot more sweary than yours as well.”

Harry laughed at that, quite liking the man now he was getting to know him. This Louis seemed to have a good sense of humour, and his dog was fairly likeable too, laying there sound asleep, sunbathing.

“Well, I don’t usually lose my temper, so I just wanted to apologise.”

“It’s me who needs to say sorry. My stupid dog ate their bloody eggs, and on Easter Sunday at that. It’s a good job we don’t go to church, Cliff, or we’d both be going straight to hell. Nice ears, by the way. I meant to say earlier.”

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

Harry’s ready to spend a fun Easter morning with his two children at the park, but it’s thrown into chaos when an over-excited dog and his owner come barrelling into their lives…

A Small Matter (A Matter of Trust) by @kingsofeverything​ 

[Harry/Louis, 18k, Explicit, tumblr post] 

Harry knows he and his Grindr hookup would be perfect together, if only he could convince him to give a relationship a chance. 

Or Harry has a thing for jock straps. Louis likes to wear them. 

Are you proud of me? by @sadaveniren​ 

[Harry/Louis, 2k, Explicit, tumblr post] 

Louis was completely naked, except for a silk scarf that Harry had never seen before. It was tied around his neck like a bow. His lithe body was cast in dramatic shadows as he descended the stairs and all Harry could think was holy shit, mine, mine, mine.

“Well this is a shame. I was hoping you’d keep the boa.”

Harry blinked in surprise at his voice. He was too caught up in his perfection. “What?”

“I guess the leather will do. I do love you dressed in leather.”

aka I show up 2 weeks late with Grammy Fic

Right Back Home to You by @behindmeday​

 [Harry/Nick Grimshaw, 4k, Teen & Up, tumblr post] 

It wasn’t the first time Harry and Nick were cut off before they really got started talking. In fact, it seemed to be happening more often than not. Nick had an insane schedule that no rational person would choose, but Harry’s was even worse. Between the early mornings on The Breakfast Show and the never-ending time zone changes of tour, it seemed that Harry and Nick weren’t really meant to have any real conversations these days. 

Or, Harry writes Nick a song. 

take my hand (my whole life too) by @beckydoesthings​ / beckywritesthings

 [Harry/Louis, 44k, Explicit, tumblr post] 

“You’re famous?” he asks, deciding to dive straight into the heart of the issue.

Harry winces, dropping his gaze to the table. “Erm… famous is one word for it.”

Well, that’s reassuring. Louis raises an eyebrow until Harry heaves a sigh and continues.

“How much do you know about the British monarchy?”

His stomach drops to the floor in a heartbeat, jaw following suit. There’s no way that what Harry’s insinuating is possible. But as the time ticks by, there’s no change in the deadly serious expression on Harry’s face, fingers twitching steadily on the table as he waits for Louis’ answer.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Or a Crazy Rich Asians AU with a royal twist where Harry is a prince, Louis is most definitely not, and there’s a royal wedding to attend.

Forever Is In Your Eyes by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed​ / we_are_the_same 

[Harry/Louis, 126k, Teen & Up, tumblr post] 

Harry looks fragile in the moonlight, and Louis stands there, pondering, not even sure what it is that he’s thinking of. It’s all just noise in his head, a mix of melancholy and desire, of longing for something that he doesn’t even have a name for.

He wants-

He wants love. He wants to be held and cherished and have a home. Not just a place to lay his head down at night. He wants to be loved the way that Louis had loved creating Harry. He wants his perfect man, but he wants him to be real. He wants Harry to be real-

His lips press against marble, against something cold and unforgiving, and it’s not until his hand comes up to rest against a sculpted neck that his eyes fly open and he stumbles backwards, nearly falling off the stepladder that he’d stood on.

“Jesus Christ.” He whispers, shaking his head and resisting the urge to brush the back of his hand against his lips, erase evidence that isn’t even visible to the naked eye. Harry stands there, as though nothing’s changed, and of course he does, because he’s a statue.

A statue that Louis has just kissed.

Stuck in an eternal spring by @chrysopon​ / flamboyo 

[Louis/Zayn, 4k, Teen & Up, tumblr post] 

Louis is about to go crazy in the silent solitude of London’s lockdown. The only breach into the grey monotony of his days is the hope of catching a glimpse of the dark-haired guy who lives in the building across the street. One night they have their night cigarette together while both in their flats, twenty meters and an empty, quiet street between them. It becomes a habit, but maybe there’s hope for it to become something more. 

It’s Been So Long by @elsi-bee​ / elsi_bee 

[Harry/Louis, 31k, Teen & Up, tumblr post] 

Harry Styles’ first crush was one of his sister’s best friends, a certain someone named Louis Tomlinson. And Louis? He just vaguely remembers Gemma’s younger brother from back in the day. 

A lot can change in ten years. 

Featuring Niall and Liam as Harry’s friends, flirting, fluff, and flashbacks to the awkward days of high school. 

This Dream Lost by @zanniscaramouche​ / zanni_scaramouche

[Liam/Louis/Harry, 5k, Mature, tumblr post] 

It’s a dangerous game to play his Alpha like this, and it gives Harry a thrill through his spine he’s not sure he likes. It’ll be worth it, but he doubts he’ll be pulling any surprises on Louis for a while after this. He can’t fucking stand it as is and it’s not even really for Louis, it’s for Liam. 

Mercy by @zanniscaramouche​ / zanni_scaramouche 

[Niall/Shawn Mendes, 5k, Explicit, tumblr post] 

“I-” Shawn licks his lips, eyes bright and wide with the shock. 

Balls in his court now. He could refuse, step away from the line they’re toeing and laugh it off. But he doesn’t, just like Niall knew he wouldn’t. Because Shawn wants this. They both do, and that’s what makes it so fucking insane. 

Blind Faith by @2tiedships2​ 

[Harry/Louis, 18k, Mature, tumblr post] 

“Harry?” Liam prompted.

“I’m blind,” Harry eventually said, trying his best to keep himself from crying.

Liam was silent for a few moments, before responding, “That’s not exactly news, H. You were blind when I met you a year and a half ago. Have you been in denial this whole time or something?”

“No, Liam,” Harry cut in. “This is different. I’m not legally blind like I used to say. It’s not just my night vision. The tunnel from my tunnel vision has closed. I’m fucking blind! I moved halfway around the world in the hope of finding my soulmate and it’s obviously not happening now. Not even a soulmate is going to want to put up with a blind alpha.“

The Journal by @wait4ever​ / RecycledStardust & @evilovesyou​ / 4ureyesonly28 

[Louis/Harry, 14k, General, tumblr post] 

When Harry finds himself purchasing an antique journal in the ancient bookshop of a town he’s never heard of, he doesn’t exactly want to admit that he has no idea how he got there. A myriad of odd coincidences and a few kind smiles from the shopkeeper have the two of them working hard to solve the mystery of this strange journal that seems to have been waiting for Harry for almost a hundred and thirty years. 

But I’m the Quarterback by @evilovesyou​ / 4ureyesonly28 

[Harry/Louis, 52k, Explicit, tumblr post] 

Harry Styles is the quarterback of Sunny High’s football team, dating the beautiful head cheerleader, and determined to enter his senior year with focus and discipline. That is, until a strange man shows up at his home, makes his girlfriend break up with him, and convinces his parents to send him off to a “reparative therapy camp” over the summer. 

At True Directions, Harry meets four other boys and five girls, all there to be cured of their homosexuality. He has to find a way out of this place as soon as possible—Christ, he isn’t even gay! 

Know a Trick or Two by @sadaveniren​ 

[Harry/Louis, 45k, Explicit, tumblr post] 

The night before Louis is scheduled for a Portkey to begin training with the Vratsa Vultures in Bulgaria he heads into Muggle London for one last night of fun. A few months later he finds out he’s having a child. 

Eleven years ago Harry had a one night stand and now there’s a strange man on his doorstep telling him his daughter is something called a wizard and she’s got a place at the British wizarding school Hogwarts. 

Aka the one where Muggle Harry and Wizard Louis have a one night stand and get more than they bargained out of it. 

Until That Day by @kingsofeverything​ 

[Harry/Louis, 44k, Explicit, tumblr post] 

Harry Styles is days away from walking down the aisle when his previous failed weddings are turned into a public spectacle by jaded London journalist Louis Tomlinson. Hoping to witness Harry leave another groom at the altar, Louis heads to Holmes Chapel, where nothing goes as planned, and he finds himself falling for the serial heartbreaker. 

A Runaway Bride movie AU 

Caught In Your Gravity by @lululawrence​ 

[Harry/Louis, 63k, Not Rated, tumblr post] 

It felt like the blood froze in Harry’s veins even as he got a bit lightheaded. He hadn’t even made it two practices, only one of which he was remotely in charge of, without giving it all away and now he and Liam were both absolutely fucked.

“Shit,” Harry breathed out. “Who all have you told? Does everyone know? I thought I covered it better than that…”

“No, no,” Louis said quickly. “They’ll figure it out soon enough, though, because they’ll get used to you changing things up, but you’re only going to trip over your so called Americanisms for so long before they realize it’s because you don’t actually know fuck all about football.”

Harry sighed. “Yeah. I figured. I just need to bullshit for long enough to allow Liam to get the situation figured out from his end.”

“Right, which brings me to my entire point. I think we can find a mutually beneficial arrangement with all of this.” Louis leaned forward. “You need to learn the ins and outs of the sport incredibly fast. I can help you with that.”

“What do you want in exchange?”

Or, an AU inspired by a 30 second trailer of Ted Lasso that doesn’t actually have much in common with the show at all.

Passing By by @larryyouknow​

[Harry/Louis, 48k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Sometimes, people are in each other’s lives just for the briefest of moments. They meet and then go their separate ways because being vulnerable is scary and it might be easier to not let anybody else in. But some people aren’t meant to be just passing by. Maybe when they open their eyes, they can learn things about themselves they haven’t known before. If they let their hearts speak they will find a way to be together.

Or the one where Harry doesn’t even know he’s into guys until he meets Louis on a boat trip. There’s something more to their friendship but it ain’t gonna be smooth sailing.

[inmyarmswrappedin]

Ages ago, I asked people to send me scenes they wanted me to compared across the Skams, and then I kinda ignored it. This wasn't intentional, but rather because I wanted to do the scenes in chronological order. And the one I got for s1 was the Eva/Jonas breakup scene.

The issue is that Jonas is a very misunderstood character in international fandom. I felt like I couldn't begin to compare the scenes without getting into the fundamental conflict between Eva and Jonas, and I couldn't do that without getting into why Jonas hates Russetide, and I couldn't do that without a long post that was going to swallow up whole the other 7 versions of the scene.

I've never really let go of the idea of doing those comparisons, even though the anons that sent the original asks are probably long gone. I thought of a bunch of different ways to approach the asks, but nothing worked for me. Until recently, where I just decided to first explain Russetide, then compare the different Skam opening speeches, and THEN I will finally compare the breakup scenes.

But instead of explaining Russetide itself, which I think most Skam fans more or less understand, I'm going to explain SJEIKEN 2015. This song perfectly encapsulates what Jonas hates about Russetide. In fact, he quotes it in one of the scenes where he's being a dick to Eva!

Russetide is a tradition in all of Norway, but western Oslo (where Skam is set) is one of the richest areas in the country and, as such, they really go above and beyond with it. A bus is better than a van, the buses have to be decked out with the best sound systems. The crew has to have not just hoodies but also headbands and other merch, and it all has to follow the theme the crew has chosen. And if you really are the hottest of hot shit, then you actually commission legit artists to write a theme song for your bus. We can see this in s2, where the girls discuss The Penetrators theme song.

There are a bunch of different Norwegian artists that you can commission for your Russe song, but the most famous are probably TIX and the Pøssy Project. The Pøssy Project is a group of multiple songwriters, but all of its members have chosen to keep their identites anonymous because, as it turns out, ~Norwegian adults~ think everything I'm about to explain is trashy and disdainful. The one artist in The Pøssy Project that has always owned his participation in it is Andreas Haukeland, better known as TIX. (You might also know him as this year's ESC entry for Norway.) Why does TIX stand by these songs? Idk, probably because they're extremely popular, chart well, and make money, and by standing by them, he gets to perform them in gigs and profit off those creations.

SJEIKEN 2015 has featured twice in Skam, first in s1e1. It's also the song Pepsi Max is singing when they party at Sana's place in s4. And SJEIKEN 2015 featured so prominently in Skam because the song became a runaway hit the year before (the 2014-15 school year), breaking into the Norwegian charts as well as Spotify most playeds in Norway. It is a tremendously popular song that people loved.

So, who or what is SJEIKEN 2015 about? SJEIKEN is a 2015 Russe crew (meaning they graduated high school in 2015) who chose to make their Russe theme about... oil sheikhs. That is what sjeiken means. The song itself is about an oil sheikh called Sheikh Yer Bouti who declares tonight to be free of rules. His 400 wives are allowed to get drunk and be whores, just for tonight. Here are the lyrics:

Now, TIX has recently tried to become a mature artist, and so he was recently asked about SJEIKEN 2015 (again, a song he performs to this day). This was his response:

At a party, I met a girl who was crying over a boy she liked. She had built up her expectations that this would be the night she finally hooked up with him, but she was afraid that if she did, the guys would call her "whore". I thought about it a bit… It's actually quite true - if a boy hooks 10 girls at a party he is a legend, but if a girl hooks up with only one boy she may risk being called loose. That's absolutely ridiculous! So I said to her, "Tonight you are allowed to be a whore. Tonight you are allowed to hook up with him.”

And like, I just want to say this response is horseshit, first of all lol. But in case you for some reason thought this was supposed to be like a feminist anthem for a girls' russe buss (a crew like Los Losers for instance), let me share a picture of the SJEIKEN Russe crew:

(Count the moc... Oh wait, there aren't any.)

SJEIKEN (the Russe crew) also participated at a Russe event back in 2015. Here is how they chose to stage their song:

(The one thing I can say about this is that the boy playing a niqabi doesn't appear to have taken it off at any point, which is better than Skam Italia did.)

At this point, you might think that perhaps Jonas might have reason to be appalled that Eva, who he assumed shared his values, decided to get involved in Russefeiring. However, one other thing about Russefeiring is that literally EVERY YOUNG PERSON in Norway is supposed to love all of this shit. My evidence is very anecdotal, but I once asked a Norwegian high school student how many people aren't involved in Russefeiring. He said everyone is, the only people who aren't are the friendless losers. I also came across a Norwegian young woman's blog who said she preferred talking to people from abroad, because she didn't have to explain to them that she never actually did Russe, because to admit she hadn't, would immediately show her to have been a total outcast in high school. Like, this is an issue for people into their twenties.

So Jonas isn't just taking a stance to be cool, the fact that he is vocally opposed to Russefeiring in every way makes him (and the boy squad) total losers. In fact, Chris Schistad referred to Jonas as a nerd and the boy squad plainly wasn't in William's radar at all. It wasn't a thing like in Skam NL, where Kes' squad was leagues and miles above Noah's squad in terms of coolness (MOTHERfucker... don't even try to tell me Gijs was cooler than Kes lmao). Jonas would've been seen as a loser and a burnout, and that's what Jonas was talking about when he told Eva that she was always doing the popular thing to do. Because he very staunchly refused to participate in this tradition, despite the fact that doing so made him an outcast, because, for him, THAT was the moral thing to do.

Having read all this (you poor soul), and being on tumblr like you are, is it really that unthinkable that Jonas would think that Russefeiring and the culture associated with it is crap? Do you really think a 16-year old has the nuance to say, "you know, Russefeiring stands for everything I hate, but since you're friendless because of me, and this is your chance at having friends, I will put my ideals aside and support you in this." Absolutely not lmao. How many of you would even now shit on friends if they stepped outside the line of what tumblr considers woke? How many people on twitter turn on each other for transgressions like stanning the wrong Skams? Jonas was shitty because he was super rigid in what he considered the right way to behave, but in that sense, he was actually one of the most accurate portrayals of a specific type of Gen Z. Unlike idk, characters who quote fucking Animal Farm to talk about school festivals.

(And NOW that all of that has been established, I can finally begin dissecting season 1 lol.)

[bjy-on-ao3]

Kinktober 2021, Day 4

(As usual, you can find the AO3 version of all my uploads [and some things I don’t post here to tumblr] via my Masterlist blog page.)

This is another one that probably could have been longer, and I’m not 100% sure if it fits the prompt as planned. I’m hoping it’s still likable though, all things considered!

Summary Sometimes things don’t go quite as planned. When Reader’s plans to spend the day with Barbatos are interrupted, they try to get their way, even if it means getting in the way of work.

Tags/Warnings Blindfolds, Bondage. Creampie, Gags, Kinktober, Kinktober 2021, Oneshot, Prompt, Reader-Insert, Shameless Smut, Vaginal Sex

Kinktober 2021, 04: Brat Taming (Reader x Barbatos | Obey Me!)

You had gone to visit Barbatos that day expecting to spend some quality time with him, having finally arranged a day when he wasn’t swamped tending to the needs of the prince and the castle. Shortly after arriving, abuzz with excitement to finally have some alone time with him, Barbatos had received news that an impromptu celebration was being held the next evening - meaning whatever spare time he left to him was suddenly gone.

The news had made you cross to hear, knowing that Barbatos would be required in the kitchens on such short notice, though you had tried to hide your discomfort. To your credit, you thought you had done an admirable job when all a part of you really wanted to do was protest how unfair the latest arrangement was. But Barbatos was dutiful to a fault, and directly fussing over things would do little good.

Instead, you took the opposite route, and offered your help, thinking perhaps additional hands involved in the chore might lend it to be completed more swiftly. Unfortunately, you had vastly underestimated just how much work needed to be, as well as how much patience you had for it. The first couple hours of work had gone on well enough, but it seemed to be unending. You found yourself tiring of the tedious tasks, internally groaning at the work left before you still. Briefly, you wondered if the assignment was actually some curse neither of you was quite aware of, but you quickly dismissed the absurd thought.

You paused in the middle of stirring a bowl of ingredients, glancing out of the corner of your eyes to Barbatos busily plowing through each new culinary task, little phasing him. He was the picture of efficiency and focus, and the kitchen air was heavy with the various smells of seasonings and sweet flavorings, and citrus courtesy of his efforts. You watched him work as inconspicuously as possible for a moment, a new idea slowly coming to you. An idea that was far more alluring, though one admittedly much less productive than the task at hand.

Turning your attention half-heartedly to the bowl in front of you, returning to stirring, you finished it and pushed it aside. You searched for a proper excuse for the scheme you were hatching, finding it in a multitude of bottles and jars of ingredients for some of the next things on Barbatos’ long list of to-make recipes. Resuming the guise of a hard-working assistant eager to assist with the prepping and cooking, you moved to gather more ingredients and dishes, brushing purposefully close to Barbatos as you went by. You leaned forward to gather a bottle or two, reaching around him and feigning a hint of clumsiness that led to stray touches.

Lights taps and pats on his shoulders and arms played off as helping you balance. Strokes on his waist or hip, daring to creep a little lower. All manner of touches that seemed innocent enough. But you knew, or rather hoped, that it might distract Barbatos and broach his focus,  and potentially lure him away from his chore. He remained just as unphased as before, though, hardly giving you a second look, save to courteously steady you or to make a polite quip to be a bit more careful.

After several unsuccessful attempts, you frowned at your lack of progress. Though you weren’t to be put off so easily and moved onto your next plan of action without lingering on the thought too long. You stood closer while you worked on your latest project, mashing an assortment of ingredients and fragrant herbs into a mortar beside Barbatos. Still grinding the contents, you subtly slipped your spare hand down, reaching more brazenly for Barbatos’ thigh. Your fingers brushed the cloth of his pants, creeping inward more slowly.

Barbatos cleared his throat pointed, his only acknowledgment of your attempt before he caught your hand by the wrist, pulling it gently away before you could properly feel him up as you had planned. You pouted again, further frustrated by his determination to ignore you. You still weren’t done yet, though. You tried the same thing, making the motion less obvious, more alike to an accidental slip. But even then, Barbatos dismissed your wandering hands, stopping only to speak for a moment, but not to address your meddling in the way you had hoped.

The look on his face was sterner than before, a hint of warning to stem your interruptions and focus. “Now isn’t the time. There’s far too much work to be done.”

You met his words and stern expression with a stare of your own, though one much more petulant. You silently huffed, fuming and pouting further, staring down into the muddled mass in the mortar. While you considered your options next, you went back to actively helping prepare batters and sauces, and icings. Barbatos moved away several times, pausing to place unbaked cakes and pastries into the large ovens or put assembled treats away to chill until the next day.

At some point, he returned to the counters with a platter of golden brown pastries assembled in an orderly pile. It was obviously one that had set for some time already, the tops of the stacks already topped with stiff peaks of colorful whipped frosting. As Barbatos turned away to resume work, a new scheme sprung into your head, prompted by the confections set out before you.

For much of the work before, Barbatos had only stopped to give you more than passing attention - or at least you had thought - to offer advice, or give you instructions. At last, though, he looked toward you, recognizing how you looked when you were truly onto some new plan. Barbatos had kept a careful amount of his attention dedicated to you, though you hadn’t yet realized.

He was good at feeling out when you had a mind to try and cause trouble or to grab his attention, whatever the situation. He had known as well that once you started, you weren’t going to give up easily, even if it meant acting rather childishly in your determination. He recognized the look on your face as you eyed the decorated pastries. When you glanced over, checking if he was paying you any mind, he knew you were about the act up again.

Sure enough, you set down your current tool, reaching your newly free hand in the direction of the pastries. The sharp, sudden mention of your name though made you flinch and halt with your arm outstretched.

“Haven’t you misbehaved enough for one evening?” Barbatos said evenly. The words had still startled you, even though you had been aware you had more of his attention than before.

Your nostrils flared, and you blew out an angry huff, recognizing the tone of Barbatos’ voice and debating your next move. Should you behave and drop it for the night? No, that wasn’t an option. You had to push your luck, challenge him. Your irritation demanded nothing less.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to misbehave if you’d pay me more attention in the first place,” you snapped back in defiance. You turned back to the pastries from before, thrusting a finger toward the large pile of frosting on the pastries’ peaks arranged in an ornate pattern.

“I know you understand those for tomorrow,” Barbatos continued, his voice still even, but more warning, accompanied by another commanding call of your name.

“Well, maybe I don’t want to keep waiting,” you snapped, though it was quite clear it wasn’t sweet treats you were being impatient about.

You looked at Barbatos markedly, turning and dipping your finger into the frosting and scooping out a section, ruining part of the decoration. Looking back, you raised the coated finger to your lips. His gloved hand caught your wrist again, more firmly than before, and when his eyes locked with yours, his glare was piercing and cool. You suppressed a shudder but refused to break or back down.

“That’s enough,” he declared sternly.

What he did next was in stark contrast to the tone of his voice. He didn’t release your hand immediately, instead tipping your frosting coated finger toward him and sucking it into his mouth. His tongue rolled hotly over your digit, cleaning the sticky, cloyingly sweet icing from it. Your brows shot up, and another shiver threatened to creep down your spine while you swallowed hard. You had gotten the attention you had so petulantly been trying to achieve from Barbatos, but at the same time, it had shattered your resolve.

That attention was lingering, though, a taste to quiet and rattle you.

“I think it’s time you retired for the night,” Barbatos decided after pulling your finger from his mouth and letting your wrist free, foregoing any more contact with you and leaving you wanting, stirred up from that one action alone. Yet, there was something mischievous, almost dangerous in his tone, something that rang familiar. “You will wait up for me. When I am done, we will discuss this. Have I made myself clear?”

You nodded meekly, your streak of mischief shaken and relegated to the back of your mind. “Yes,” you answered quietly. Your mouth felt dry, and a tenseness grew in you, something halfway between anticipation and uncertainty.

“Excuse me?” Barbatos questioned expectantly.

“Yes, sir, perfectly clear,” you added, his words prompting you to remember your ‘manners’.

“Good.”

Barbatos turned back to the counters, leaving no room for further dispute. You saw yourself out of the kitchens, calming your thumping heart down as you went. You flagged down a Little D, requesting aid to return to the guest room you normally stayed in when you came to visit Barbatos or stayed in the castle for any other occasion. You gave your thanks upon reaching the room, closing the door behind you and flopping onto the bed with a frustrated sigh.

You tried to preoccupy yourself for a while thereafter, browsing apps and messages on your DDD, answering friends, and checking in on the demon brothers. It could all only keep your attention for so long, though, and eventually, you drifted off to sleep from boredom with the device at your side. ---

You weren’t sure how long you had slept when the soft click of the bedroom door awoke you. You glanced blearily to the door, just able to make out Barbatos’ silhouette against the darkness of the room. Though the outline of him was difficult to see, he was hard to miss in other ways. As he approached the bed, the ominous glow of his eyes, casting his face in a sickly green pallor, was the most noticeable feature.

You jolted up on the bed, recalling Barbatos’ instructions to wait up for him. But it was too late - Barbatos had already seen you sprawled out asleep on the bed, disobeying him once more. Passingly, you noted you hadn’t been the one to turn the lights off in the bedroom.

The bed sank with Barbatos’ weight when he reached the foot of it. He poised himself over you on his hands and knees, and you instinctively sank back against the sheets. As he leaned down, something cool, thick, and scaly curled purposefully around one of your thighs, teasing slowly further.

“Misbehaving again, already? You’ve been very insolent today. I’ll need to give you a much more thorough lesson this time, won’t I?”

[harryspet]

𝓽𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷 ... 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓯𝓲𝓬𝓼

𝓽𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷 ... 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓯𝓲𝓬𝓼 

This December, for the holidays and to celebrate my followers, I’m giving readers a chance to request drabbles/one-shots but I’m also hoping some writers want to share the Holiday joy too! I have a list of dark prompts as well as holiday prompts so feel free to mix and match them however you like!

𝓇𝓊𝓁𝑒𝓈 & 𝑔𝓊𝒾𝒹𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓈 

You don’t have to follow me but it would be greatly appreciated!!

Please be courteous and only send one request especially if you’re using anon.

When sending a request, tell me the character(s) + 1-3 dialogue prompts (have fun combining them) + au idea (optional)

I prefer to write for (aged up) Peter Parker, Bucky Barnes or Steve Rogers. If you’d like to include MJ, Natasha, Thor, Loki, Wanda or Sam please combine them with those three. Threesomes and foursomes welcome ^^

Make these unique! If you just want pure angst, smut, or fluff then choose your prompts accordingly. I’m hoping people enjoy mixing the holiday prompts with the dark ones (though its not required) so please read through them all. There are a lot of good ones!!

Most of these will probably end up being around 300-700 words.

I write dark fics which means there may be mentions of violence, abuse, noncon/dubcon and just angst overall. If you have limits, please let me know.

I may reject your request if I feel it’s too similar to what I’ve already written or if you ignore the rules. I may also close requests if I get too many.

𝓘𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓪 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓻 and you’d like to write a drabble/one-shot using my lists then please let me know! I’ll be sure to give it a reblog and add it to my #fic recs if you tag me @harryspet​ and #tistheseasonfordarkfics. There’s no due date, just participate if you’re interested! :)

Don’t choose prompts with strikethroughs.

𝓻𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓼 𝓪𝓻𝓮: CLOSED

𝒹𝒶𝓇𝓀 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓉𝓈

“I wish I’d never met you.”

“Did you just stick your tongue out at me?”

“I’m done. We’re done.”

“Why are you fighting me?”

“I’ve never…they kept me untouched. For you”

“Did you just bite me?!”

“If I’m dead then how come you can see me?”

“It’s cute that you think you can defy me.”

“Duct tape. I need it for... taping something.”

“Why don’t you smile anymore?”

“Fuck you.”

“Your soul is mine.”

 “Looks like you need to be trained.“

“It’s not...not going to hurt, is it?”

“I don’t ... I don’t remember my name.”

“Did you see the way they looked at you?”

“How dare you challenge me.”

“I’ll let you go when I’m finished with you.”

“Hand Daddy his belt and take your shirt off.”

“I don’t like when they touch you.”

“Are you getting sore, all cooped up in that cage all day?”

“Shhh. It’s all right. I’ll be gentle.”

“Daddy wants to hear you sing a song. Sit on my lap and make Daddy happy.”

“Shit, are you crying? I didn’t mean to hit that hard!”

“You can’t take people as property!”

“I feel like you’re taking advantage of me.”

“So … uh.. who is that person … they keep texting you?”

“Fuck, I love you like this, all rounded with our child…”

“You wouldn’t want him/her/them finding out about this, would you?”

“You haven’t earned it. What are you going to do for me?”

“Stop crying.”

“You’re not in trouble, sweetheart.”

“I’ve been looking for you all night, and you are in desperate need of my help.”

“And the hunter becomes the hunted.”

“They hurt you and I’m going to hurt them back.”

“Never steal anything from someone you can’t outrun, kid.”

“Hands off, alpha. Never learn any self-control?”

“Can i stay at your place tonight? I don’t feel safe here.”  

“I really think you need to see a doctor.”

“Everything that happened is your fault.”

“You...you were never supposed to find out.”

 “Well, hello beautiful!”

“You want to what? That’s embarrassing!”

“You look a little lost, omega.”

“We need to talk...about the pregnancy.”

“Oh, did someone get lonely?”

𝒽𝑜𝓁𝒾𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓉𝓈

 "Excuse me—where is my Christmas kiss?"

"I made you some hot cocoa."

''I just want you for my own.''

"You didn't have to get me anything."

“I don't remember the last time I truly enjoyed Christmas."

"Go on, open it."

"Did you spike the eggnog?"

"I can't believe you did that to Santa..."

“You're my best Christmas present this year.”

“How many Christmas lights does one person need?”

 “Shut up! Santa is real.”

“I hate winter.” 

“Aren’t you just Santa’s Little Helper?”

“Son of a nutcracker!”

"You didn’t bring date to the party, did you? Because I need someone to kiss at midnight."

 “No you don’t understand, I need a picture with Santa!”

“I can’t reach the top of the tree to put the star on.”

 “Oh the weather outside is frightful.”

“This is our first Christmas together and I want it to be special.”

“Don’t you dare buy me that.”

“Tell me what you want for Christmas.”

“Fuck it let’s just get drunk.”

 “We can build a snowman.”

“What no, that’s not daddy, that’s Santa”

“Maybe if I kiss you, you’ll feel warmer.” 

 “I can not believe the car broke down in the middle of nowhere 3 hours before it’s officially Christmas.”

“...I think we’re snowed in...”

“I hate work Christmas parties.”

“What do you mean you’re working on Christmas?!”

 “I refuse to have a baby on Christmas.”

“Call me an elf one more time!”

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

 “I’m freezing, you’re warm. Hug me.”

“I don’t even have a family to celebrate with, so what’s the point?“

“Forbid Christmas? No one can forbid Christmas.”

“We can add a special ornament to the collection each year. This year's is for our future baby.”

“I’m not going to kiss you under the mistletoe.”

“Remind me why I can’t kill the carolers?”

“No one should be alone on Christmas!”

 “So you’re going to dress up as Santa.”

“You burnt the holiday cookies!”

“Wanna go skating in Central Park?”

“How can you possibly look good with snow in your hair?”

“If you throw that snowball you’re declaring war”

“You didn’t really think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?”

This list is a compilation of a bunch of starters I found on tumblr so you may recognize quotes from movies and songs! I reblogged a lot of the original posts on my side blog @parkerspet​.

𝒶𝓊 & 𝓈𝑒𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓈 (optional)

Arranged marriage au - Angel/demon au - Assassin au - Apocalypse au - Android au - Amnesia au - Babysitter au - Bodyguard au - Bookstore au - Baker au - Band au - Bounty hunter au - Brothel au - Camp Counselor au - Camping au - College au - Criminal au - Caregiver/Little au - Doctor au - Domestic au - Enemies au - Ex au - Forbidden Love au - Fugitive au - Gang au - Hero/Villian au - Immortal au - Kidnapped au - Mafia au - Maid au - Marriage au - Neighbor au - A/B/O au - Porn Star au - Prostitute au - Royalty au - Serial Killer au - Stalker au - Stripper au - Tattoo Shop au - Werewolf au - Yandere au

tagging all the fics #tistheseasonfordarkfics and #harryspetrequests !

𝓼𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓶𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓽𝓼

tagging some authors :) @cherienymphe @andybarberslxt @mypoisonedvine @nsfwsebbie @darkficsyouneveraskedfor @mcudarklibrary​ @opheliadawnwalker3 @autumnrose40 @marvelmaree @thecutestlittlebunbunfairy @buckysbunny @buckybarnesplumwhore @honeyloverogers @mariessecretfantasies @mrwinterr @yanderepeterparker @raisincookieswrites​

[woodensunshine]

《 Hi! It’s been a really long while, huh? ^^;;

First of all, I am sincerely sorry for my lack of presence on tumblr in general. All I can say is life got hectic and throughout my absence I graduated and started my transfer to college. I also have been working on other tedious irl things like my driver’s license and figuring out stuff for my mental health, which I’d rather not share much about because it’s way too personal but in short that’s also impeding on my presence as well :,^)

School starts for me again within three weeks, and I have to figure out how my classes would work because I do have plans in the future that will only make me more and more busy. So even though I have time now, I’d rather not make anyone wait like another year for my responses.

So all my threads will be dropped. I’m really sorry!

I had a wonderful time here, even though I wasn’t the best at keeping up with my responses, which is entirely on me. And I won’t delete this blog or anything like that! I do plan on coming back to this blog, as I absolutely adore my OCs and refuse to let them go any time soon. Not to mention when I come back, I will revamp this blog to include my other KH OCs. So when I come back, I’m pretty sure it’ll be obvious by then ^^

I don’t know when exactly I’ll come back...It’ll definitely take years knowing what I want to do for my education and soon to be career. If you have my discord, don’t be afraid to talk to me there! And feel free to ask if you don’t, it was nice to interact with you all whether it be in passing or in roleplay :^D

I’m glad I met you all, and once again I’m sorry for how sudden and abrupt my disappearance was, along with this post.

Thank you for your time <3  》

[scribble-blog]

Soulmate AU, part 1

masterpost     next

Huge thanks to the Maribat Fandom tumblr chat, without whom I wouldn’t have made this blog or posted this piece (or probably written this at all given that it’s a maribat fanfic)! @the-fusionist and @rebecarojas07 specifically for encouraging me!

*****

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Damian is a week shy of fourteen the day the names appear inked on people’s skin, when he wakes up to ink that doesn’t wash off and the news reports that all around the world people have woken up to find the same phenomenon.

The world accepts it readily enough.

Soulmates.

There are tales of it happening before, every mythology and history and folklore delved into and the proof brought forward, but no one actually can say what triggered it, or why now.

In Paris, Marinette wakes up the day after she becomes Ladybug, a dark inked name of her own blooming vivid across her skin.

“It’s because you’re a true holder, Marinette,” Tikki says almost bouncing in midair. “People can use the Miraculous without being as in tune with them, but when we land in the hands of someone who is not just attuned, but truly meant for us- interesting things happen! Especially with the Ladybug Miraculous! These markings reveal who your Soulmate is!”

Her eyes still skim over the writing, and she has to hold in her almost immediate disappointment when she doesn’t see the two swirling A’s she wanted.

“Damian Wayne.”

*****

Marinette doesn’t let it get to her most days, the fact that the name across the front of her shoulder and the name of the boy she feels she’s lost her heart to aren’t the same.

Adrien, for his part, says nothing about what name he has, and it isn’t visible for anyone to find out.

Marinette keeps her designs modest in the neckline, always layers with her favorite jacket and does not say hers either.

The world divides into those who show them proudly, who build forums and websites and apps where people try desperately to connect with their soulmate, and those who decide that to seek it out would ruin the- destiny of it all.

Marinette doesn’t even google him.

She doesn’t want to think about destiny any more than she has to.

*****

Damian keeps it hidden from his family. Grayson has Kori’s name running down his neck, and though they don’t show them off, he’s aware that Todd and Drake have their own as well. Father’s got “Selina Kyle” trailing from his wrist down to the side of his left thumb.

Grayson asks him, once. He shuts it down immediately, and he doesn’t get asked again.

*****

Lila claims her soulmate is someone rich, reclusive, and far away. She doesn’t give details about who they are, but she can tell you millions of stories about how they met as children, grew up knowing each other, how he’d begged for her to stay by his side but she had sighed and told him she must be free to live her own life! And how he waited for her even now to return once she’d graduated and they could marry and be fabulously wealthy and beautiful and happy together.

The class fawns over it. Each time the elusive soulmate is mentioned, Marinette locks eyes with Adrien and Chloé, unable to voice her annoyance but perfectly able to share it with them.

Alya sneers under her breath sometimes, when Lila is being particularly mouthy with her lies, that Marinette has always refused to show or even talk about her mark. That perhaps she doesn’t have one at all.

Marinette doesn’t ever respond.

Adrien tried his hardest to shut them down when they start moving in towards her or Chloé like sharks. She’d lost her crush on him when he’d told her to let Lila lie, that she wasn’t hurting anyone. And then Chloé had knocked on her door one day and- apologized.

Marinette had accepted.

And then when Chloé found out that Adrien not only knew but had actually allowed Lila to continue spinning her lies, she’d taken the boy to task and explained very clearly that Lila could not be treated the same way as his Father, where staying quiet and giving in was the only way to weather his unsavory bad moods. And while his Father demanded he still associate with Lila and keep her placated, that shouldn’t stop him from standing up and doing something when she started actively going after people the way she’d gone for Marinette.

He’d very quickly apologized to Marinette and started, if not scolding Lila when she targeted Marinette, at least trying to guide her and the rest of the class away from any interactions they might have initiated because of Lila’s words.

And now, even if the hours spent at Francois DuPont were chilly and quietly isolated for the three of them, they could meet up at the bakery for lunch, and more often than not now, they would spend evenings hanging out in either Chloé’s room or Marinette’s and it almost made up for it.

*****

Damian has been dead before.

He watches a girl in his class start screaming as the name splayed across her palm withers, it almost looks like it dissolved into her veins, the ink shrinking and bleeding into normal, unmarked skin.

He goes home and he looks at the long curling script that circles the right side of his chest, sweeping across his ribs. Marinette Dupain-Cheng exists somewhere and he wonders if dying once is enough that his name never showed up on her.

He searches the last names. He finds a small but well known and very well loved bakery in Paris, France, with mentions of the owners, Tom and Sabine, and one daughter.

He closes it out.

*****

Marinette turns 16.

It’s not momentous, as she once thought it would be. It’s another day facing the cold sneers of her classmates, catching Adrien and Chloé’s eyes and waiting until the end of the day when she can go home where her parents will have a cake waiting for her, Chloé, Adrien, Kagami, and Luka over, visits from Nadja and Manon, and hopefully some calls from her great uncle Wang and her pseudo uncle Jagged with Penny. Birthdays in this class used to be extravagant, and they still are- for everyone who Lila allowed it.

But Marinette’s birthday will be a quiet affair, at home with her family and her truest friends, her team, and she can’t help but prefer that.

*****

Damian turns 17. Dick marries Kori. Father and Catwoman continue their game of cat and mouse (who is what in this scenario?) and Todd keeps leaving and coming back, and Drake says nothing but acts as if he still knows everything. Damian is, in almost all ways, more capable than most of the old men that do business with Wayne Enterprises and he still has to sit through school and act like birthday parties matter or mean anything to him.

(They do. They do. He can count on one hand how many birthdays he’s ever actually celebrated.)

He’d like to know why he feels so unsatisfied.

*****

Ms. Bustier calls her aside when they break for lunch.

“Marinette,” she begins, and Marinette sighs internally, bracing for another round of upbeat admonishments.

“As class representative, I need you to start staying after class with me for the next few weeks at least- perhaps we can start tomorrow. The submission you made to the Wayne Enterprises Community Awareness and Support Program won, and we have to start planning for the trip in July.”

Marinette stops short. “Wait, trip?”

Mme. Bustier straightens her papers and selects one, handing it to Marinette. On it is a very formal letter from representatives of Wayne Enterprises, congratulating her and her class on their community outreach and outlining the award money they have been offered to plan their trip to visit Wayne Enterprises in person.

Marinette struggles not to sit there with her jaw dropped to the floor. “I didn’t realize there was any actual- reward. I thought it was just an award or recognition?”

Mme. Bustier gives her the smile she used to give her on a daily basis, back when Marinette had cared about making her teacher that happy with every success their class had. “Well, then it’s just as happy a surprise for you as for the rest of the class! I’ll send a note home with you tonight explaining why you’ll be staying after school for the foreseeable future. I won’t ever keep you longer than an hour.”

Marinette knew that would not be true, but it wasn’t as if she couldn’t make up an excuse to leave when necessary. “Yes. We’ll want the trip to be planned perfectly, especially if we’re going to Gotham. Thank you, Mme. Bustier!”

She skips out to lunch, runs across the street to the bakery to meet her friends and tells them the news.

*****

Damian thinks about her often, even if he doesn’t want to. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the baker’s daughter somewhere in Paris, presumably, who may or may not have his name somewhere scrawled on her body.

He doesn’t search anything about her again. Even that single search that led him to her parents’ patisserie was risky.

Jon can tell him everything he wants to about the happiness between himself and his soulmate. His siblings can tiptoe around the subject, happy themselves and never bringing it up to him again. He watches people at school, wondering which of the couples are bound by the words inked into their skin and which are the ones who decided to forego fate. It takes him a very long time to figure out that despite himself, despite his brothers and his allies and his few friends, he is lonely.

*****

Seven weeks before the trip to Gotham, Marinette’s mother finds the Miracle Box.

Marinette hasn’t had Master Fu to guide her in a very long time. She is, in name and deed, the true Guardian of the Miraculous now.

Marinette breaks down on her mother’s shoulder for the first time in four years, since Hawkmoth started terrorizing Paris. Sabine, terrified and proud and angry, soothes her daughter, holds her and runs her hand over her hair, and asks her daughter what she can do.

Marinette has an idea.

[skeletalroses]

I was going to submit this anonymously to one of the bigger aspec blogs but it got so long that I’d feel like a pain in the ass. I’m posting this because I’ve recently landed in a bit of a difficult situation in the vein of Just Aroace Things, and I’m not sure what to do or even how to feel. I’m hoping to get some advice from the community re: a topic that comes up from time to time---navigating roommate/housing situations as an aroace, particularly when your potential roommate’s romance fucks you over.

I met my best friend, A, our sophomore year of college when we got paired up via roommate lottery. We clicked right away and had a blast living together. Unfortunately it only lasted a year, since the best option for my major was to transfer to another campus while for her it was best to stay put. We’ve known each other for nine years now and live in different states, but we visit regularly and had always talked about living together again once we both moved away from our parents.

I’m aroace, sex- and romance-repulsed. A is super considerate and supportive of this. She even discovered recently that she’s demisexual (which she learned about while researching the symbolism of the asexual flag! On her own, completely unprompted! Because she thought it would help her understand me more! See? Super supportive!). She is, however, very, very alloromantic. Up until now this has just been one more facet of our overall odd-couple dynamic (I’m an Addams and she’s a Disney fairy), which has always been something we’ve laughed at and reveled in.

A couple months ago, however, A moved out of her parents’ place and in with her boyfriend of a few years. I’m still with my parents, which suits me fine for the time being, but I eventually want to move out. Like I said, A and I have long talked about living together. We never made any specific plans, but I’ve asked her before to verify that yes, this is a thing we’re both Actually down to do when the time’s right. But that was a good while ago, before she moved in with Boyfriend. We visited last weekend and I brought up the subject again, because I’ve been unsure about it since that whole development.

“Feel free to say no; I won’t be offended; I just want to know how my options stand at this point. We’ve talked in the past about rooming together again. With Boyfriend in the picture now, is that still on the table?”

A’s answer: “Boyfriend has a lot of anxiety, so probably not. Sorry. He doesn’t even like having his family stay over. You’re welcome to stay a few days but not for like weeks on end.”

This was a calm conversation had over cocktails in the mall. She asked to make sure my parents weren’t threatening to kick me out or anything; I assured her that they weren’t, and I wasn’t moving anytime soon, and it’s okay that my rooming with her is out.

Only I’m not that okay with it. I wasn’t confident she’d say yes, but I did kind of think it was likely, and moreover I’m realizing how much I was unconsciously banking on that plan. I’ve been sans income during the pandemic, and I have a fuckton of economic anxiety to begin with. A’s a STEM major in a big city who easily found a solidly-paying job right out of college. She gets promotions and raises and shit. I’m a humanities major in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere where all my impressive qualifications (which I do have) can’t get me anything with a living wage below management level, let alone something in my field. And I’m never going to have that built-in cohabitant in the form of a romantic or sexual partner that allos like A can take for granted. A was the person I could split costs with so as to maybe live semi-decently with someone compatible. Without her, my chances of having that have plummeted.

And it’s all because she got a romosexual partner. This guy who’s known her half as long as I have; who never worked her through the trials and eventual breakup of her previous long-term, engaged-to-be-engaged relationship; who has himself caused her massive amounts of grief, suffering, and sometimes outright danger through his inability to competently handle the drama in his personal life that should never have touched her, all while her mother would write letters to me asking me to come visit because, actual quote, A only smiles when I’m around. He was the reason she would be too depressed to function, and I had to long-distance therapize her through it even though she refused to take the basic step of leaving this grown-ass man at least until he got his shit together, because “he needs me.”

It’s like this dude calls the shots in A’s and my relationship now. I hadn’t seen her in seven months because every time we planned a weekend to hang out, it’d get canceled because Boyfriend wanted to go see his family or something (and he can’t do that without her, I fucking guess). Even this last visit got cut down to overnight when it was supposed to be the long weekend, because Boyfriend wanted to make other plans. And now my best option for future living arrangements is apparently down the shitter because of him. It’d have been one thing if A doesn’t want to live with me anymore because she and he need their allo space or whatever the fuck couples do (still amatonormative and lousy for me). But as far as I understand, it’s not even that. It’s not her. It’s Boyfriend. A and I can be planning something for the two of us for weeks, for months, for years, then it all goes away in a minute because ehh, it kinda cramps Boyfriend’s style. I’m, as A called me, her “best friend soulmate.” I Was Here First. I never fucking made her cry. But I can’t kiss her or fuck her, so I automatically take a backseat to the one who can. I don’t need to be her Number One, but I don’t appreciate being pushed aside at Boyfriend’s every whim.

A, I’m sure, doesn’t realize how it looks from my angle. I know she cares about me and doesn’t want me to feel devalued. She’s just an oblivious alloro. I’m not even sure Boyfriend’s intentionally hogging her. (To be clear, I don’t think he’s a bad person; I’ve only met him a handful of times but I reliably clock my friends’ truly shitty partners on less. I haven’t heard about any crises in the past year or so, so I guess he’s finally managing his baggage well enough that A’s life can go smoothly and not suck.) I’m not unsympathetic to anxiety either; I’m chronically mentally ill and I’ve had my share. And I get we’re little more than strangers at this point. But I hate that he can just singlehandedly veto me and A rooming together ever. It’s much more of a blow to my likely quality of life than he or A---or tbh even I did, before this point---realize.

I hate feeling like I’m being jealous and needy. Maybe A just genuinely likes him better and it’s not only an amatonormative thing. I know I’m not entitled to live with her; it’s not like we promised or anything. But the option getting shut down really made me realize how much I resent not having it, and how much I kind of resent Boyfriend in general.

Which brings me to the asking-for-advice part, to the maybe two people who’ve read this far. Aspecs on here have talked about how amatonormativity fucks over single people and especially aros in terms of housing and life in general. Has anyone dealt with a situation like mine? How do you manage the amatonormative behavior of people in your life snatching your prospects out from under you, or feeling like it has? Is my reaction even reasonable? If so, how should I bring it up to A? This would be the closest thing we’ve ever had to a conflict, and also I’m...not great at being vulnerable. I can’t even vagueblog about these topics because my social media presence is limited to Tumblr and hers to Facebook. Hell, maybe I should just forget it for now, since I’m not changing housing anytime soon anyway, and cross that bridge when I get to it. I wouldn’t ask her to leave him, since their relationship seems to be going a lot smoother than it had been. But goddamn, am I filled with aroace salt about this.

[sunflovverharry]

Allegiance - Fakedating!Harry

Finally decided to make a new tumblr for my writing as I’ve been wanting to start posting forever ago, but my former blog was marked explicit for no reason!! BUT here I am, shitting bricks that I’m actually posting my work.. Let me present to you; Fakedating!Harry

word count: 4.4k warnings: language, drinking, angst, fluff summary: harry and y/n go through the ups and downs of their slowly changing relationship pairing: harry x reader

!!!!! it’s my first time releasing anything I’ve ever written and i’m shitting my pants. this was so fun to write and I hope you enjoy it! please reblog, like or tell me what you liked about it, i’ll greatly appreciate it🥺 i have a series i’m working on atm that’ll be out soon (hopefully), along with multiple one-shots so look out for that if you enjoyed this piece (the series is fwb!harry if that’ll help you want to read it hahah). enjoy my first one-shot of fakedating!harry (might put out a part 2 to this sometime but don’t take my word for it)

It wasn’t the first family gathering I had to come with him to. Not even the tenth. No, it was probably more like the fiftieth I couldn’t say no to coming to during the last two tears. Two years of playing his loving and devoting girlfriend. His family and friends have known us as the perfect couple since he first introduced me a warm july evening two years ago. Apart from it being a fake relationship, it seems pretty fucking real to the outside world. Maybe we’re just that great actors.

July 19th 2018

Harry took a hold of my hand as we walked through the luxurious modern home in the outskirts of London. It is the first time I’ve stepped foot in this house - eager to catch every little detail as I slowly walked beside Harry. It was gorgeous and I hoped to get a tour sometime. Not that I even know if I’ll ever come back here after tonight. It might be a one-night thing for all I know, only agreeing to come with Harry because I literally could not find an excuse to save my life.

Being at a function where you know next to nobody except your supposed boyfriend is terrifying, but at the same time I had to hide my nerves in case anyone caught on.

Our family has never had any big parties or get-togethers except for weddings - which there weren’t many of. Most of my cousins decided they were off fine without a marriage certificate to validate their relationships. I supported them in their decision, but ultimately I want to marry the one I one day want to spend the rest of my life with. Not having the best relationship reputation it’ll probably be a while until a wedding where I’m the bride takes place.

The large double french doors leading out to the expansive garden were open for guests to go in and out of the house and to the garden where mostly everyone were mingling when we arrived. The engagement celebration of Harry’s sister and her fiancée was in full swing and it looked as if we were the last ones missing. That made it all the more terrifying. How on earth are we going to keep up the façade of us being in a relationship all night?

We’d talked about details on the way here deciding to go with our friends setting us up on a blind date a few months back. It isn’t far from the truth, but we were definitely not on a date. We had to accompany our best mates who were on a date, but for the most part we ignored each other only letting the talk and get to know each other. The worst thing is, it wasn’t even worth it as they literally shagged and didn’t see each other again.

As to how we’re now here together - I accidentally walked into him and spilt my tea all over his fancy suit clinging to his body. Cliché, I know. To repay him for the spill, he asked me to be his pretend girlfriend and like I said I suck at excuses so here we are about to be introduced to his whole family it seems. Way to take away the attention from the happy couple.

«Mum.» Harry’s hand slipped from mine as we closed up on the group to the left. I didn’t want to interrupt a reunion between Harry and his mum so I kept my stance a few feet behind him and waited for Harry to take the lead as he hugged his mum saying a quick hello to the rest of the people standing in the small circle.

«Y/n, mum. Mum, y/n.» Harry stepped to the side so I could take the short steps forward to greet his mother. It was the first time I was meeting a guy of any sort parents and I’m sure I was shaking as she pulled me in for a hug. It was warm and welcoming as she whispered in my ear.

«It’s so lovely to meet you finally, y/n.» I smiled at her as we parted. She kept her hands on my upper arms taking me in with her moving eyes. «Harry hasn’t told us anything or answered a single question about you, but now I can ask you myself!» She cheered as Harry groaned in the background. How was this lovely lady basically getting pulled into a trap by her 26 year old son?

The next few greetings went above and beyond my expectations. With knowing how insensitive and closed off Harry, I had imagined his family was the same - which looking back was unkind of me as his family are the complete opposite. Being here accompanied by his loved ones also showed me that maybe Harry isn’t as hard as he comes off as, he just doesn’t like to open up to the wrong people. I can tolerate and understand that, but he hasn’t exactly made an effort to get to know me, so I wouldn’t say he has a right to be heartless towards me. Not after I’ve done him a massive favor.

«How long have you been together then?» Harry had gone to talk to his future brother-in-law and sister and I was left seated with some family friends of theirs. I didn’t mind one bit spending time with other people than Harry. It was freeing not having to pretend and have his hand caressing my thigh and asking if I wanted anything from the bar. Sure, I would have reveled in it if we were anything close to friends or even lovers, but just knowing it’s him makes me want to shake him off.

«It’ll be six months on the 27th. We had our second date on his birthday actually and he didn’t even tell me! Can you believe that?» I asked incredulously. It wasn’t true, we hadn’t even met up on his birthday nevertheless been on a fucking date.

We sat in comfortable conversation for a couple minutes talking about Harry and me before he came back sliding his arm over the back of my chair. His fingertips trailed up and down my arm as he quickly got back into the conversation.

It felt oddly normal when we were conversing about day-to-day subject and talking about solely ourselves, but then I’m brought right back into the plain lie about our relationship.

July 2nd 2020

This time it wasn’t an engagement party though, it was a celebration of Marie and Jack having been married for 30 years. It’s a huge accomplishment and compared to every other gathering, I’m happy to be here. Though the fake relationship between Harry and I hasn’t been the best, we’ve certainly tried our best and his family still seem to believe it.

We’ve had our ups and downs in private, but always been on our best behavior out with his family - holding hands, laying my head on his shoulder, him kissing my temple and squeezing my waist. It didn’t happen all too often, thank god, but we’d shared the odd kiss or two at times where it deemed right to do so. I’m not sure I could bear getting a taste of his lips more than I had to. At his sister's wedding last summer when we were slow dancing somewhere in the midst of all his family and their friends we slowly leaned in - whether in the heat of the moment or because it seemed we had to i’m still not sure. Either way, it was a nice kiss shared between us when we were both drunk off of champagne and the love we felt around us.

Since, there’s been a few pecks here and there, but mostly keeping to placing our lips on the others cheek, forehead or hand. I do think Harry’s opened up, though only slightly, it still warmed my heart. We’ve had quite a few enjoyable chats whilst driving home or sitting in a corner of the garden we’ve spent most our time in at his parents home. I still don’t know where he lives, him picking me up and only going to wherever the dinner or party would be held.

We haven’t discussed how much longer we’re keeping the lie going about us, but it was starting to gnaw at me knowing we would probably part ways in not too long and never meet again. He had become a part of my life I’m not sure I want to lose. The beginning was horrible and we didn’t get along in private, but after that kiss at the wedding something turned in the both of us (I hope).

Up until recently we’ve been really fucking lucky to have avoided all questions about moving in together and a possible ring on my finger. Weeks ago when we had dinner with his parents the questions surely weren’t held away though. Babies, apartments, rings and everything of the sort were brought up. It was heavy subject for two people who barely could stand each other a year ago and by the end of the dinner I was more than ready to put an end to this extremely complicated lie. It’s turned into much more than the one party I agreed to the first time he asked me.

We had a nice chat about how we were excited to see his nieces again in the car, giggling about our memories with them these last two years. It was nice being so open and comfortable with him not having to worry about him being angry or quiet. He talked back and laughed with me and even told me a couple stories from before I was in their life. I’ll miss them and the rest of his family when we inevitably end us.

Marie greeted us just like she does every time we come by, for dinner, a party or game night I just couldn’t refuse to join in on - with a kind smile grazing her lips and the same welcoming hug she’d given me the first time we met and ever since. It was really something I was looking forward to when I knew I’d be seeing her.

«Harry, y/n! You look fabulous, did you force him to match his tie to your dress?» Marie squinted her eyes at me in a ‘I know he’d never do it if he wasn’t forced to’ look. And of course, she knew her son way better than I did and only laughed with her as I told her yes, indeed I even had to put it on him myself. Which was the truth for once.

«Hopefully we’ll be throwing you some kind of celebration sometime soon, yeah? Engagement, pregnancy?» She hinted at the subjects we tried our very best to steer away from at all times as we followed her back to the garden I was falling more and more in love with. For the most part we’d been able to laugh our way out of it.

Harry laughed as he took two glasses of champagne from a server for the both of us to sip. It would definitely clear any pregnancy rumours which I’m sure there were swirling around between his family members. This family does not like to take their time with anything, saying life is too short to fool around. I’m sure they’re concerned and suspicious of why we’re taking things slow not even living together when his sisters all got engaged or married within the two first years, but they’ll be let in on our secret soon enough I hope.

In one way I’d love for this all to be over and continue to live my life as I did before Harry - but to be honest I’m not quite sure how I’ll ever go back to that. Life with Harry sure has its pros and I would enjoy it as long as it lasted. Especially the expensive champagne they always seemed to have at every function.

A couple hours or so later the speeches were in full swing. I knew Harry wasn’t doing one as I’m sure everyone would think he’d propose to me at the end of it, so he decided to forget about it. After his sisters had said some lines each, Marie and Jack stood up at the head table right next to us. They looked as in love now as they did two years ago and it was incredible witnessing how the spark between them never seemed to die. I can only wish to have a marriage as wonderful.

«You want more to drink? Can have mine if you want.» Harry offered quietly before Jack asked everyone about how gorgeous his wife looks tonight. He truly adores her and it shows in every way he acts and speaks to her.

«Yes, please. Thank you.» I grabbed the glass of some sort of concoction from his much larger hand. Smiling up at him, I sipped the drink from the straw feeling his hand squeeze my waist to pull me closer though I’m not sure how much closer I could get unless I sat on his lap. We’d been touching each other considerably more than usual during the night. It felt good and with how friendly we’ve been lately I almost wanted more, just like how I’ve been wanting for the last couple months. More touching my thigh, more squeezing my waist, more kisses on my temple, more brushing my hair away from my face. He was addicting, inexplicably so.

Harry put his lips to my cheek as we listened to his parents speak about how their love was at an all time high, even after thirty years of marriage, four children and a couple of granddaughters to show for it. The softness to their voices as they spoke passionate, kind, loving words to each other was absolutely remarkable. It brought my deepest feelings out and I couldn’t help but shed a tear or two. I hadn’t noticed they were falling before I felt Harry’s thumb whisking them away and pulling my head to rest on his shoulder, another kiss planted on my forehead this time.

I savored the moment, the love I felt all too much for me while thinking about how this would be over far too soon for my liking. His family were growing on me. Harry was growing on me. I enjoyed his company, when he would open up without me asking or begging to know a small detail that probably didn’t matter to him as much as it did to me. He had become a huge part of my everyday life by now, texting him on days we weren’t meeting up.

I firmly remember the first day we hung out just us two. It was a Tuesday evening and we had gone out to eat - really only to grab a photo we could give to his parents who had been begging for one. This was around halloween last year, so we were on solid grounds by then.

At first it was awkward as hell, neither knowing what to say or how to start the conversation, but after we had ordered we soon got into conversation and we didn’t stop until we’d been sat there for three hours. It still baffles my mind how nice that dinner was and how I didn’t ever think ‘can this be over soon?’. Thinking back, I think that’s the exact moment I realized I might’ve grown feelings for the man.

The night had gone by in a blink of the eye, suddenly it was nearing midnight and we had just said goodbye and were making our way to his car. Sitting down and watching the house as Harry reversed out of the parking spot, I thought about what a lovely night it’s been. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed myself and this one party will forever be the reason I won’t ever regret fake dating Harry Styles. His mum made it all worth it when he didn’t.

«Would you like to come to mine for a drink before heading home? It’s still quite early for a Saturday, innit?» Harry didn’t come off as nervous or scared to ask me to join him at his place before sending me home. There was no way I could deny his request as I’d finally get to see the flat he resides in and I’ve imagined for two years.

It only took us around ten minutes to get to his flat, shocked to see that it isn’t as far from mine as I thought. He’s got enough money to live in a nicer area, but this definitely has charm to it and maybe that’s why he wants to live here.

The flat itself was victorian but with a modern upgrade. A luxurious kitchen with all the appliances one could need, a lovely island serving as his dining table that led into the living room. I wanted to jump onto the couch and lay there for eternity by only looking at how soft and comfortable it seems. The rather large L-shaped couch took up most of the room, but he’d made sure to have enough space for tall, wide bookshelves filled with anything but books behind it.

Don’t get me started on the dark wood flooring that looked as original as it could get. They brought character to the flat and blended the old victorian feel in nicely with the more modern look of the walls and kitchen. I’d love to have a place like this someday.

«You can sit down and I’ll grab a bottle of wine, sound alright?» Harry hung his suit jacket that he hadn’t worn at all on one of the chairs lined by the island counter. He moved into the corner of the kitchen where I couldn’t see him any longer as I stepped off my shoes before tiptoeing to the couch falling down into it. I was right about it being soft and comfortable. It was as if I was being lulled to sleep all I needed was a light blanket tucking me in and I’d be set for a good night's sleep.

Harry chuckled when he came out from the kitchen, a bottle of red in one hand and two glasses in the other, to see me cuddling into his couch. I don’t know what he does in his free time or if he usually has girls around his flat and this is a normal view for him, but right now I didn’t care. He was giving me wine and a comfy place to sit which honestly is enough for now. I don’t want to scare him away by talking about my feelings for him past midnight, half drunk after all the drinks I’d already had tonight.

Chatting to Harry was a breeze. We giggled before getting serious and then struggling to breath as we laughed harder than ever before. It felt light and good, like we were the best of friends and for a moment I thought I could live with that. As long as I got to continue having moments like these with him, I could deal with only being friends. Then I had another glass of wine and decided that I couldn’t bear him not knowing how I feel for one more second.

«Harry.. we can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair to the people involved, and it’s absolutely not fair to us.» My eyes were watching my finger trailing the pattern of one of his pillows I was holding in my lap. There was no foreshadowing to tell Harry that I would bring this up and I could tell he wasn’t ready for it by the sharp intake of breath that could be heard from him.

«I’ve thought about it recently and obviously we both knew this couldn’t last forever. I’ve grown a lot the past two years and I know what I want now. A fake relationship isn’t it, no matter how much I adore your family.» I could feel my throat burning as I tried to keep my tears at bay. The last thing I wanted to sit in front of him crying my eyes out. Still not daring to let my eyes reach his, I closed my eyes as I continued talking.

«The first year was awful. You weren’t nice to me and after doing you a huge fucking favour, which I still don’t know why you needed a fake girlfriend, you were still treating me just like how you did the first time we met. Then after your sisters wedding, it started getting better and by winter we were good friends. Something shifted in us, in me at least that night and I can’t overlook it anymore. It’s fine if this is it for us, ‘cause I can’t lie to your family anymore, but I need you to know one thing before I leave.» It felt so good telling him how I’d felt for so long, only one last thing to tell him.

Pushing myself to look up at him, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I couldn’t hold back the tears. He looked so vulnerable though he wasn’t the one holding his breath with a heavy heart trying to tell someone they have stronger feelings for them than might be reciprocated. He looked worried seeing me cry, but didn’t do anything knowing I didn’t want a hand to hold or a hug at this moment.

«I realized tonight that the night we first went out for dinner to take that picture for your parents was also the first time I understood my feelings towards you. It’s fucking insane that even after a year of basically hating your company, three months of us being friends was all it took for me to get feelings for you. I don’t want a fake relationship and I don’t want to be just your friend. I’m not going to say I’m sorry if this ruins things completely between us because I’m finally being true to myself and to you.»

Harry looked as if someone had just punched him in the face. His mouth was hanging open, jaw slack, eyes wide filled with curiosity. I had never let myself take in his gorgeous face completely. It’d only do me more pain than pleasure. Now though, I’m taking in every single detail I can before he either tells me to please leave or throw me out.

I removed my eyes from his face when his phone made a noise telling him someone sent a text message. It being close to one thirty in the morning made me incredibly curious as to who could be texting him now.

He apparently took his time to read it instead of responding to me as it was dead silent for another minute or so. Maybe he was replying or it was a really long fucking text.

Letting out a long sigh he dropped his phone back down on the table. It seemed he wasn’t quite sure what to do or say with how he dragged his hands over his face before standing up only to sit back down again five seconds later.

«Mum wants you to know that she loves you and thanks you for being with me, not just today but in general. This is how it’s been for the last two years for me, y/n. My family adores the shit out of you and I get at least two texts a day from mum asking how you’re doing and when she’ll see you next. It’s always y/n this and y/n that. You’ve invaded everyone’s minds and they’re obsessed with you.» Though it was nice hearing how much of an impact I’ve made, it almost made me more sad than happy. A couple more tears fell as I listened to him go on.

«The first year I tried so fucking hard to make you want to end it. Every time I asked you to come with me I hoped you’d say no and end it just so I could get you out of my head. You invaded my mind just like you did everyone elses and I couldn’t fucking bear it knowing we weren’t a real couple. After that kiss at the wedding I couldn’t keep my act together. It was excruciating being mean to you so I tried being your friend. I still to this day don’t know which was worse, being closed off or close to you.» Harry took one last breath before moving slightly so that he could reach over to hold my hands in his. This isn’t what I had expected and I still don’t want to get my hopes up.

«I want what my sisters have, what my parents have. I’ve wanted that so badly that I began thinking it wouldn’t happen as I’m 28 and still haven’t had one long-lasting relationship. I’d started to believe that it wasn’t in the cards for me - having a wife and a family. Then you came around and I these two years have showed me how fucking perfect you are and how you deserve so much better than me. But I’m a selfish man and I want you, y/n. Want you so much.» Not being able to keep away longer, I swiftly closed the gap between us, slotting my lips with his as I moved to straddle his waist.

It felt unbelievably good to kiss him like this, passion and lust clear as day as our tongues met for the first time. He wants me. I couldn’t stop saying the three words in my head as I let go to catch my breath. How in the world could I be so lucky to be wanted by the man I want?

I laughed as I wiped at my cheeks, removing the tear stains as well as I could without a wet washcloth to clean them off. Harry guided his lips from my jaw up to my cheek ending with a kiss to my shut eyelid. I had never experienced Harry being this soft and attentive, but it was all the more to look forward to.

«Maybe we can turn the fake relationship into a real one and not tell my whole family about it?» There was a cheeky smile playing on his lips as I let out another laugh. If this is what I have to look forward to - jokes, laugher and passionate kisses possibly leading to something more - then I couldn’t wait.

«Of course, Harry. And tell your mum I love her back and give her my number, will you? I’m still looking for a tour of their house after two years of you not giving me one.»