#by joking about being gay and specifically about being in love with wilson | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

slightlyhopefulromantic · 10 months

Note

Might be being a little greedy asking another monsters and mommies au question, but I'd love to hear more about Carol and her sexuality journey in this please ❤️

i am so sorry, it is 2:30 am (EDIT: kept getting distracted so its now 3:30 am-) so i am not gonna do a sketch for this HFJKGHKFDHK (for now! i might come back later and reward you with one <3)

but you know me. you've seen my frantic rambling <3 you know i would LOVE to talk about carol's sexuality journey in my au! i very much respect matt's decision to not commit to darryl having internalized homophobia/being closeted, especially considering that it started as a joke, etc. but. but! i am a lesbian and i simply cannot see either of the wilson parents as straight and so yeah, carol's B plot is realizing she is a lesbian

A LOT OF THIS IS GONNA BE FAMILIAR TO YOU ISADORA but i havent talked about it before on tumblr i dont think besides vague implications, so! lets dive in!

of the moms, carol has the most like. baggage, i guess? not necessarily tragic backstory-wise - morgan wins that by a landslide - but she has a lot of small individual things that she has to work through, as opposed to the other moms mostly having to work through one big thing each. carol has issues with emotional vulnerability. carol has issues with internalized misogyny. carol has issues with infidelity. carol has issues with repressed homosexuality. carol has issues with the way she was raised. shes got a lot going on! luckily, all of them are extreeemely tied up in each other, which i think helps to make it so she doesnt have too much compared to the other moms? but it makes it a bit harder to pick out just one thing to talk about LMAO

before the start of the story, carol is already struggling with the fact that she feels like shes unfaithful to darryl because she is attracted, very very badly, to her secretary at work. she also is struggling with the fact that said secretary is a young woman. she never cheats on darryl (well. not in. the main au and definitely never before the forgotten realms-) but she still has severe catholic guilt about being attracted to other people at all. this guilt is pushed muuuch much hard once shes around mercedes and samantha all the time, because she is. painfully. attracted to them. mercedes especially, because mercedes very much encourages carol's attraction to her while sammy is more normal about it. samantha is convinced that carol could fix her marriage, while mercedes is going "dump him! join my polycule!" LMAO

this plotline is, mostly, tied up in carol's emotional vulnerability plotline, as thats her main plot! she has the same arc that darryl does, since theyre veeery similar characters (carol is more ruthless/less emotional internally than he is, but thats just about the only difference i cut between them). so, carol's arc with grant follows the same course as darryl's, except the yeet bigly thing goes. a little bit better! lol. grant is still rejected by yeet, and returns to the locker room very upset about it, etc etc. when carol gets around to talking to him, in contrast to darryl's conversation with grant about frank's death, carol instead talks to grant about the difficulties of being gay and how it can be really hard to be true to yourself.

SHOUT OUT TO @aximili FOR THIS BTW he talked to me about carol for a bit and it put some wind in my sails for the direction that this conversation goes LMAO

I AM a believer in grant coming out before the forgotten realms. however, i waver back and forth a lot on if thats true for this au specifically, because i do like the parallel plot of carol realizing that her son is gay at the same time that she is coming around to her own self-realization. regardless, either way, carol starts the conversation very much focusing on grant, focusing only on his feelings, etc. shes very stiff about it and, eventually, apologizes to grant and tells him that she really hopes that her actions dont make him feel like he has to repress his own homosexuality. grant is a smart little guy, and also sees the way that carol talks to her friends hbghjgbdhjfb and pretty much picks up right away that oh. oh. this is about my mother just as it is about me. he awkwardly prods her about it and for the first time in his life, grant sees his mom cry. he cries too, and they hug, and its emotional, but its good. its healing!

carol gets divorced from darryl post-s1. carol, mercedes and samantha form a silly little polycule. grant, terry jr, and lark all have to either make new friends or compete for nicholas's love because theyre suddenly all sort-of-brothers. nicholas has a crush on their lesbian sister instead and that completely kills their codependent little dating pool. all is good in the world <3 ("the twins literally caused the apocalypse-" all is good in the world <3)

#monsters and mommies au

21 notes · View notes

siancore · 3 years

Note

Hi. I was wondering, I really want to write a SamBucky fic but I'm a bit worried that I won't get their characters right. Do you have any tips on how to make sure that doesn't happen? Like, they aren't written out of character.

Hey. I hope you do write for SamBucky. We need more good fics out there.

I’ll just rattle off a few things that help me with writing these characters. The things I focus on related to canon are:

Mannerism: Bucky has a morbid sense of humour; Sam is a thrill-seeker and a little reckless; Sam is caring and helpful; Bucky isn’t trusting of people he doesn’t know; Sam is charming; Bucky can be charming when he wants to be; Sam likes to joke around, but is also very serious when he needs to be. Both are good with kids. Sam is an excellent public speaker. Bucky doesn’t speak too often unless he has something to say. Bucky prefers to be called ‘Bucky’ over ‘James’. Sam knows that he is good-looking. Bucky is protective by nature.

Vernacular: Both are multi-lingual; Bucky acquires language quickly; Sam uses African-American Vernacular English; Bucky would not have extensive modern lexicon in English and would revert to phrases or words he would have used throughout the 30s and 40s whilst speaking English. Language-wise, he most likely dreams in Russian (unless it’s a specific memory) because of the depth of language immersion coupled with the wiping of his memory. Generally takes around 8 years to stop dreaming in your native tongue. Bucky often uses the contraction ‘ain’t’. He also wouldn’t necessarily say ‘gay’ or ‘queer’ as ‘queer’ was still considered a slur in the 40s and the widely used term at the time was ‘homosexual’.

Physicality: Sam is a slow runner (I love him for that); both are fit; both are acrobatic; Bucky uses brute strength; Bucky is taller than Sam; Sam has an ass that won’t quit. Sam initiates a lot of physical touch between them. Bucky’s wounds heal quickly. Bucky can be very dangerous as an opponent, but he isn’t a danger to those around him.

Expression: Sam smiles widely; Bucky’s eyes crinkle when he smiles; Sam folds his arms over his chest when he is concentrating; Bucky leans his weight to one side. They both routinely drift into one another’s personal space. Bucky looks at Sam with heart eyes; Bucky looks at Sam’s lips and drags his gaze over Sam’s body.

Other things: Sam was pararescue in the US Air Force. Bucky was in the US Army. Sam was serving when Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was in force. Bucky was serving when being gay was considered a mental disorder and any soldier caught with another man would face court martial; dishonorable discharge; arrest; or sent off to be institutionalised.

Now, if you want to write a SamBucky AU, to keep them in character, all you need to do is stick to a couple of the things listed above. A really easy one is Bucky’s sense of humour and Sam’s charm. They go together well. They are literally the sunshine one and the grumpy one. Describe their smiles. Sam always has the best, brightest smile, Bucky doesn’t give his genuine smiles to just anyone. Another thing that always works well with this ship is that Bucky always notices that Sam is good-looking even if it’s enemies to lovers; even when Sam is annoying him (also annoys him that Sam’s annoying face is annoyingly handsome). Always show the reader Bucky’s internal dialogue when he sees what Sam looks like. Always have Bucky pining for Sam lol

Things to steer clear of:

- Anything that is gross and homophobic

- Anything that is gross and racist

- Anything that reinforces harmful racist stereotypes

- Sam as a therapist for Bucky (unless that’s the premise of the fic)

- Bucky using Sam to get over Steve

- Sam being a second choice for Bucky because he can’t have Steve

- The care being one-sided

I hope this is helpful. This has worked for me with writing for SamBucky.

Just some info about me to add context to why these are the things about them that I focus on: I am in love with Sam Wilson and I relate to Bucky Barnes. I’m queer and Black and am into linguistics and history. I am multi-lingual, have taught history and languages, and have spoken on panels multiple times about queer experience and history. Who I am informs how I write these characters and the approach I take. Sam Wilson gets nothing but love and adoration in my fics. Think about how who you are relates to them. Think about what you love about them and dial it up to 100!

Thanks for reaching out and trusting my opinion. Happy writing!

#sambucky #sambucky fic writing tips

118 notes · View notes

knifetoxgunfight · 3 years

Text

Catching Up

Word Count: 1228 Requested: No Summary: Bucky discovers Tik Tok. Genre: Fluff Pairing: Sambucky (Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes) Warnings: None

Main Masterlist

Send a request or join the taglist

Bucky walked into their shared apartment, a new phone in his hand. He seemed perplexed, confused by the small device. He had learned many ins and outs of modern technology in Wakanda, but the internet still confused him. The device was so small, yet could do more than most computers he had ever used. The internet wasn’t even a thought yet in the 40s. He couldn’t quite grasp what it was, why it was so popular, and how to use it. He hadn’t noticed that he was still standing in the doorway, swiping through a particular app he was trying to understand until Sam walked up to him. Sam hadn’t said anything for a moment, crossing his arms over his chest in hopes Bucky would notice him before he spoke. Much to his dismay, Bucky was too enthralled in the small device to pay any mind to Sam. He wasn’t intentionally ignoring the other, he was just incredibly focused. It spoke to his comfort around his lover; He was comfortable enough in their shared apartment to let his guard down and get distracted. Bucky didn’t feel the need to know everything around him all the time here. Sam finally spoke up.

“Bucky? What are you….oh. Need some help, old man?” Sam was just teasing. Cell phones were confusing to people who lived their whole lives in the modern-day, he was astonished Bucky managed to understand half of the things he did. Bucky was so open to new concepts, learning new information, and adapting his behavior. He had such an open mind to learn, something most people in the modern-day lacked. Sam was constantly proud of his boyfriend, but a little teasing was inevitable.

“Shut up, Sam. I’ve got it,” Bucky huffed, resistant to Sam’s help. He wanted to figure it out on his own. He felt like he had something to prove. He belonged here, he just wanted to feel like he did. He felt he belonged here, in this apartment, but in the outside world, he felt so out of time. Everything moved so fast and he barely was able to catch up. He constantly felt that every time he got close, there was something new to learn. Before Bucky had a chance to react, Sam reached forward, snatching the phone from Bucky’s hand.

“Sam stop-”

“Twitter huh? Seems like you got it pretty figured out here. You’re verified.”

“That’s not what I was trying to figure out. Shuri mentioned something about this like tik tok and I wanted to figure it out. I was gonna ask Twitter for help.” He was embarrassed. Bucky thought he sounded like an idiot, not knowing what any of these things were. Young people talked about it all the time, that and a long-gone app called Vine. He hated being around teens because they were barely a fraction of his age and so much more advanced than he was. Teenagers made him feel so far behind. At least around teenagers, he was supposed to feel out of place, but with Sam? He just wanted to be on the same level or at least close.

“I’m impressed. You didn’t have to ask Twitter, I know how tik tok works. C’mere let me show you.” Bucky grumbled. He wanted to do it himself, yet he couldn’t resist the excitement in Sam’s voice. Sam was always so eager to help Bucky, but Bucky felt bad asking for help. These were things any person born of modern times just knew. If Sam had been with anyone else, he wouldn’t have to offer help. Bucky wanted to at least pretend they had a normal relationship.“Okay so you see this plus sign at the bottom of the screen, you tap here to make a video…” They spent hours teaching Bucky the ins and outs of tik tok. They made Bucky an account and posted a few videos. For every one video they posted, they made about 100 drafts of other things. They posted some on Sam’s account, some on Bucky’s. Viewers loved Bucky and loved their relationship. They quickly became a tik tok power couple. Bucky was verified rather quickly and eventually found his niche. Most of the cute couple videos were usually on Sam’s account, but Bucky had other plans.

People asked a lot of questions, most often about his involvement in history and what the Winter Soldier had done. He didn’t mind, having moved past that part of his life and made it pretty far into his recovery. Some things were a little much, but he just didn’t answer those ones, and Sam taught him how to block people. Oftentimes Sam would reply to those comments, letting them know Bucky wasn’t comfortable answering those kinds of questions. Bucky answered a lot of questions...though most of them were fictitious stories. Nobody could tell him he was wrong, they weren’t there. Not all of his stories were falsified, so nobody really knew what was true and what wasn’t. He told adventures he never went on, changed details to make stories more entertaining, and even added some embarrassment to his friends that weren’t true. Even Sam had trouble deciphering the falsified stories from the real ones. Once, specifically after watching a tik tok Bucky had made detailing a false story about pre-serum Steve, Sam went up to Bucky. He was almost tricked into thinking it was real, but it sounded too good to be true. It was far too funny.

“Did he really do that?” Bucky paused before answering, breakout out into a fit of laughter. Sam wasn’t sure why he was laughing, it was a genuine question.

“No, idiot. I made it up, you should know I do this by now.”

The real fun came when people started asking Bucky about times he wasn’t even alive for. He was born in 1917, though doesn’t really remember much before the war. It was over 100 years ago, it wasn’t his fault. He invented this elaborate narrative, that Hydra had invented time travel and made him gather intel from times before. It was a rather complex story, one that felt almost too detailed to be false. Nobody could tell if he was serious or not. Bucky loved it, he had the whole world at his fingertips, and they all loved him.

Sam's tik tok was a whole different dynamic. He forced Bucky into all the couple challenges and trends, a few failing miserably and ending hilariously. Bucky acted as if he hated it, though, in reality, he found it adorable and endearing. Sam used it to document their lives, and answer questions, both about the world and their relationship. It was unexpected how many questions people had about their relationship. Some were highly inappropriate, but they answered them without answering, making jokes along the way. Really, it was just a lighthearted way to connect with people who loved them, and for them to share their love with the world. Most people were so very accepting and supportive, and the few who weren’t were just a laugh for the couple. Truly, it was perfect. They had their fair share of haters, especially people who were angry that Captain America was in a gay relationship, especially with an ex-Hydra assassin, but they brushed it off. For every one person who hated them, there were 10 more that loved them. And that was enough.

52 notes · View notes

abarbaricyalp · 3 years

Note

Idk if you are still taking prompts, but you know the vine two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're not gay, and a girl quoting it in a park about two girls in the distance and one of them hearing and going "Actually I am gay" Like that scenario, only involving them fixing the boat? Maybe Sarah quoting it to give Sam shit when she thinks Bucky cant hear and Bucky goes "Wait, no I'm gay" or something, or just the general gist of that. Sorry if this us too specific, I've never sent anyone a prompt before :P

Hello Friend! Thank you so much for sending anything in at all! I know the vine you're talking about, but I couldn't find it on Youtube. (I did find a two day rabbit hole of old compilations though) This was also my first foray into writing Sarah as a fully fleshed character! I was excited to get the practice 'cause I had an idea bouncing around in my head about her and Bucky talking after he wakes up in the Wilson house. I kept her a little more like she had been in my other fics pre-show here. I so wish we got a little more of her!

Feel free, anyone, to send me Sambucky prompts!

The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation

Sarah Wilson loved her brother deeply. The kind of soul crushing love that could only be formed through family, loss, and approximately four thousand brawls around the living room throughout their life. She looked up to her brother more than she could ever imagine looking up to anyone. Even when they were fighting or picking on each other, she couldn’t help but feel a swell in her chest when he came into her line of sight.

That didn’t mean she understood him. In fact, from the age of eight, watching her brother interact with the world had become her go-to pastime. Why did he have to roll every pea around the plate individually before eating them? Why did he and his friends spend seven years socking each other in the arm to prove friendship? Why did he talk to himself in the mirror, even when he knew Sarah or someone else was standing in the doorway?

Sam Wilson was just deeply weird. She had no idea how he had tricked the Avengers, a plethora of bad guys, and half of the media world into thinking he was remotely cool. She saw a news story once that had King T’Challa standing on a platform with Sam and the newscasters talked about how impressive Sam’s suit was. It was unnatural, the effect he had on people.

And in all her years, she never thought she’d see anyone weirder than Sam. But then James Barnes had showed up. It was like a complete reversal of Sam. Sarah was taken in for approximately three hours by his charm and face before she realized he too was deeply, deeply weird.

She justified sitting on the edge of the Paul and Darlene, watching her brother and James Barnes spar off about some dumb trivia fact, by deciding it was an anthropological expedition. The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation. She watched Sam watch Barnes take a long pull off his beer. She watched Barnes kick his feet up near Sam’s legs and then draw them back quickly when a current jolted the boat. She watched Barnes’ fingers tap-tap-tap against the edge of the boat, inching closer to Sam’s shoulder before he chickened out and brought his hand back to his own lap. She watched Sam suggest Bucky take his jacket off, ‘unless you plan on sun blinding me with the robocop arm.’ She watched Sam look away when Barnes did shrug his jacket off.

When she was seventeen and Sam was fifteen, she had found Sam crying in his room, pillow pressed to his face to muffle the noise. They were at the age where going into each other’s rooms uninvited started international conflicts, but Sarah, who watched her brother intently, felt like she knew what was going on. So she let herself in through their Jack-and-Jill bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Sam didn’t stop crying, not even to yell at her to get out, so she sat on the end of his bed and rolled a baseball under her foot for a while. Finally, she��d said, “You don’t have to tell Mom and Dad, y’know.”

Sam had just about wailed and bit the corner of his pillow to stop himself.

“That’s gross, stop it,” Sarah ordered and pushed Sam’s shoulder back enough to yank his pillow free and then reached over to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I should make you do the laundry this week so I know I’m not touching your snot germs,” she teased softly.

“How did you know?” Sam hiccuped out. Tears were still brimming at his eyes, but they didn’t fall.

“I’m your older sister. I made you. Like a doll. You think there’s something about you that I don’t know?” she joked. And when the tears did spill over his long lashes, she sighed and pulled him closer to her side. “I just know the way you interact with that boy from the basketball team ain’t just friendly.”

“Jesus, do you think he can tell?” Sam asked and she could hear the mortification in his voice.

“Sam, he’s a freshman in high school. The only thing he knows is that he’s scared of everything too. No one’s paying that much attention to you.”

“Screw you,” Sam muttered.

“What’re all these tears for you if you didn’t make a move and get shot down?”

“God, Sarah, can you not say things like that?”

“Watch your mouth,” Sarah warned with no heat in her voice. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. I’m not leaving until you do.”

“I just…” Sam sat up and worked his jaw for a while. His chin dimpled and his eyes watered but he managed to control himself. “I’m scared, Sarah. I’m scared of never being in love. Of having to leave if I am. I’m scared to say something and I’m scared not to say something. I’m so scared of...losing any of it.”

“Sam,” Sarah sighed and pulled Sam into another hug. “You’re fifteen. You’re not supposed to be in love yet. You don’t have to think about any of that. You just have to focus on passing Geometry, alright? Mom’ll whoop your ass more for failing than anything else.”

“I have a B+, that’s not failing!” Sam snapped. He kept his face against her shoulder for a second long before he sat up and wiped his tears away. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Who am I gonna tell? I told you, my friends don’t like you as much as you think they do.”

“Your friends like me more than they like you,” Sam shot back and he almost sounded normal.

Sarah smiled softly and patted Sam’s cheek. “I won’t tell Mom or Dad. Of course not. That’s for you to do. But--”

“I’m always going to tell them when you sneak out the window.”

“No! Sam! You can’t! You owe me now!”

“Going to field parties is not the same thing!” Sam said in a shriek as Sarah leaned over to pinch his sides. They grappled for a second before Sam managed to push Sarah off the bed.

“You owe me,” she reminded him as she walked back to the bathroom.

Sam wiped his eyes again and nodded. “Sure, Sarah. I do.”

Sam almost had the same look on his face now. Like there was something he wanted to reach for that he thought was too impossible to hold. The Older Sister Instinct to Antagonize into a Solution kicked in.

“Two bros, chilling on a boat, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay,” she sing-songed. Sam looked mortified again but masked his face into something more irritated with a roll of his eyes when Barnes looked over at him.

“Ignore her. It’s this old video--” Sam started.

But Bucky interrupted to say, “Actually I am gay,” as he looked back over at Sarah. “Sorry if I got your hopes up,” he added with a grin that really did get the hopes up.

“What?” Sam asked and Sarah, ever watchful, could see the beer bottle shaking in his hand.

“What?” Bucky repeated innocently.

“He said he’s gay,” Sarah clarified.

“Thank you, Sarah,” Sam ground out. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Bucky snorted. “When would I have said anything? ‘Sorry for ripping your wings off and kicking you off of a hellicarrier, by the way I’m gay.’?”

“You did what?” Sarah asked.

“‘Sorry for claiming I didn’t bomb the UN only to be reverted back to the assassin who would have done that and then fighting you again. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Thanks for saving my life. Sorry about the giant undersea prison. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘There’s an imminent battle with weird ass space dogs that want to eat our faces. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Sorry about Tony Stark, whose life I kind of ruined. Lovely funeral. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘I’m in the middle of being pissed at you about the Shield. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Maybe don’t take me rolling through a field of flowers. It does things to me ‘cause I’m gay.’ ‘John Walker’s fucking insane. I’m gay, but definitely not for this bullshit.’ I mean, come on, Sam.”

“Flowers?” Sarah asked.

“Besides, why would you care? I don’t make it a habit of telling straight guys I’m into guys.”

“You don’t seem to make a habit of telling many people that,” Sarah pointed out. “I googled you. Nothing suggesting that came up.”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m a guy from the 30s. It was trained out of me.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sarah said quickly. “Back up away from that because we’re not gonna try to Oppression Olympics our way through our histories. Did you just say Sam was straight?”

“Sarah!” Sam hissed.

“Sure. I mean, I saw him with Romanov. Hill. He has Tinder on his phone.”

“Samuel Thomas, you better not,” Sarah warned lightly. “You’re better than that.”

“He’s a lady-killer.”

Sarah snorted and had to bring her hand up to her face. “He definitely is not. There has been no lady-killing on his end for a long time.”

“Sarah!” Sam tried again.

“You explain it to him then. Mr. 30s is gonna need the long way round explanation.”

Sam sighed and dragged his hand over his face. “Dammit. Fine. I’m not straight either, alright? I’m...bi, or something. It’s been a while since I’ve had to think about it.”

“What?” Bucky asked, not unlike Sam had.

“He said he’s bisexual. Interested in both parties. Swings either way. Hit a homerun and then hasn’t really swung since.”

“Sarah, Jesus Christ,” Sam groaned.

“What?” Bucky asked again.

“I was engaged. To a man,” Sam said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky asked, clearly missing the irony.

“Oh, it was inconvenient for you but I had plenty of opportunities, huh?” Sam asked. “Ms. Tell-It-All over there wasn’t joking. I haven’t swung any direction in a while. Not since before I met Steve. My fiance died. And then it never came up.”

Bucky blinked at Sam. He kept bringing the bottle halfway up his body and then setting it back on his leg without ever taking a drink. “Fuck, Sam, I’m sorry,” Bucky said, which was not what Sarah was expecting and it clearly wasn’t what Sam was expecting because Sam finally moved closer to Bucky on the bench.

“What for? You didn’t do anything. This time.”

“Yeah, but if I’d known you were into me too, I woulda kissed you in Germany.”

“Oh, I am so not into you,” Sam denied. “And I wouldn’t have our first kiss ruined by immediately running into the government’s roving show monkey.”

“That’s the worst,” Bucky agreed and also finally moved over on the bench until they were pressed thigh to thigh. “Tell me how much you don’t like me again,” he challenged.

“I can’t stand you,” Sam answered and brought his hand up to Bucky’s jaw.

Sarah couldn’t fight down the grin that came to her face and turned to prop her feet on the pier, back to Sam and Bucky. Just this once, she didn’t need to watch her brother to understand him.

Read on AO3 here!

#anonymous #prompts #sambucky #writing #fanfiction #i answer things #sarah wilson #sam wilson #bucky barnes

64 notes · View notes

fiddlepickdouglas · 3 years

Text

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 14 - Unexpected Meeting

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, who will they run into?, 3.2k

@trevor-wilson-covington is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

WARNINGS: death mention, emotional trauma

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13

“Man, I need a break,” Reggie was saying as he strolled with Alex down an unfamiliar street in the early evening, stretching his arms. “I mean, being in the studio all the time has been good, but on top of everything else it’s just so much!”

Unsure where they were headed, Alex walked a few paces ahead on the sidewalk, casually navigating for both of them. He squinted as he looked at Reggie.

“Reggie, you dropped, like, all of your classes once we signed on.”

“Nope!” his friend exclaimed, tilting his head in a proud manner. “I just needed two electives to graduate. It’s okay, though, man. Not everyone finishes their math requirements as a freshman.” Reggie patted Alex’s shoulder, as if it were any sort of consolation.

“No, good for you Reg,” Alex said. His parents had paid for all this private tutoring and even gotten him to take some college credits early. Of course, his only serious plan after high school had been the band so it was all wasted effort, but then all of their attempts with him amounted to that. He was learning to feel less guilty over it. It wasn’t his fault they never cared about what he wanted.

“How long do you think Luke and Bobby are gonna be workshopping their parts together?” Reggie asked.

“Long enough. Where are we going, exactly?”

“Oh, I was just kind of keeping an eye out for anywhere interesting.”

Alex blinked. “I thought we were headed somewhere specific.”

“I’ve only been to this side of L.A. like, once, so I don’t think I’d make a good tour guide,” Reggie stated.

And just like that, Alex’s mind thrust itself back into remembering Willie. He was getting better at not crumbling completely in the moment, but it still felt like his heart was temporarily dunked into a dark ocean of misery. It would remain waterlogged and heavy inside his chest for a while.

“Alex?” Reggie was saying, looking at him with concern. “You okay?”

Snapping his thoughts back to the present, Alex sighed as he looked back at Reggie.

“I’ll be fine.”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jean jacket and pressed his arms against his sides. Shoulders hunched, he continued through the crowd. Focusing on walking would hopefully help it wear off. He made every step purposeful, trying to get the weight in his heart to fall through his feet. Reggie’s hand on his shoulder made him turn.

“It’s still rough, isn’t it?” he asked gently. “If I said something - ”

“It’s not your fault,” Alex tried to assure him. “Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere. Besides, I can’t make you and everyone else walk on eggshells.”

“Maybe not, but we’re in this with you. It may have been different for us, but we all met Willie. I’d never seen you warm up to anyone that fast. Even after a few months, it’s still fresh; don’t force yourself to be better for us.”

Pausing on the sidewalk, Alex looked up at Reggie. He tried to smile as gratitude edged its way in, relieving most of the heaviness in his chest.

“I appreciate that, Reg.”

“Of course, man.”

“So,” Alex took a deep breath to let everything else wash away as they kept wandering. “You made it sound like you had a lot going on. Is everything at home okay?”

Reggie shrugged. “Eh...no change there. My mom went to stay with her sister after the last fight, so my dad’s been trying his best to take care of everything, but he’s too upset to handle it well. My little sister has just been sleeping over with friends anyway, and I can handle myself, so - ” he shrugged again, “ - you know, I do what I can.”

Alex nodded. He had nothing really to comment, and Reggie knew he was always there to support him. This wasn’t anything unusual for him, but it still wasn’t right. Neither of them spent much time at their own homes, so wandering through the city like this kept them occupied when they weren’t with the rest of the band. Looking up at the store signs around them, he saw a record store about a block ahead.

“Hey, why don’t we check that out?” he suggested.

“Yeah!” Reggie said, dropping any ounce of gloom from the previous subject and skipping along to catch up with Alex.

A small bell rang as they came through the door, and they immediately began filtering through shelves of records and CDs. Peeking toward the back of the store, Alex could see a counter that offered a menu of food and drinks, some tables, as well as the smallest stage in the world. This seemed like a neat little place.

“Oh,” Reggie started after a while. “I got us a gig playing at my cousin’s wedding.”

“A wedding?” Alex said skeptically, turning from the Pansy Division vinyl he was checking out. “When we’re trying to finish a record and go on tour?”

“It’s Conrad, okay, he’s family! And he said we could make the setlist.”

Alex shrugged, considering that was fair.

“...with his approval.”

At that addition, Alex could only sigh and shake his head.

“And then maybe, you could, I don’t know, finally ask Bobby to be your date?”

Reggie put down the Mötley Crüe album he’d been examining and looked up at him in shock. Alex realized he’d possibly been too blunt. But immediately Reggie began to cover it up, laughing and shaking his head.

“What?” he said, his denial completely transparent. “Was that a...was that supposed to be a joke or something?”

Giving him a look of pity, Alex put his hands on his hips.

“You’re really gonna try to pull the wool over the eyes of your gay friend?”

Caught, Reggie looked back at him in defeat and bowed his head.

“I’m gonna guess you noticed a while ago?”

Nodding, Alex tried to soften his demeanor.

“There’s been something up with you two for months. How come you haven’t tried to talk to him about it?”

Reggie knit his brow and began fiddling with his fingers.

“Well, I’m a little confused by it, to be honest. Cuz, I mean...I like girls, right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“But I like Bobby, too.”

“Okay.”

His friend looked up at him, expecting more of a reaction. Alex leaned against the shelf and folded his arms.

“Do you think there’s something wrong with you? Because you’re talking to the king of wrong feelings.”

“Well, sometimes I feel like that, but not really. It’s something else,” Reggie said.

“Like what?”

“Well...we’ve been friends for years. It just sort of crept up on me and I don’t know what to do. What if he rejects it? He’s one of my best friends.”

Thinking for a moment, Alex looked down at his feet. He didn’t blame Reggie for being worried. He’d had a mini crush on Bobby for a couple weeks back in ninth grade and had the same dilemma. It was easier for him to get over, though, simply because it had faded quickly.

“Well, I wish I could say if it’s meant to be it’ll happen, but sometimes…”

Sometimes it dies in a fire before there’s any chance of knowing.

He shook his head to get rid of the awful thought and ignored Reggie’s look of concern.

“But if I know Bobby, I don’t think it’s going to harm anything. I think you should go for it, Reg. I truly, honestly, will back you up on that.”

A smile spread wide across Reggie’s face.

“Thanks, man!”

Without fretting over it for another second, he turned back to the shelf of CDs he’d been perusing, and Alex did the same. There was a crazy good selection, and Alex wished he could get his hands on a record player. Playing CDs on a boombox worked for some things, but there was a level of charm in playing something on a vinyl record that appealed to him even more. He made a note to get a small notebook to carry in his fanny pack, hoping to return to this store and make a wishlist of sorts to work toward.

“Do I see Alex and Reggie of Sunset Curve?” A familiar voice said from behind.

Both of them turned to find Flynn standing in the aisle, braids tied up into a high ponytail and eyebrow arched in her usual smart fashion.

“Hey Flynn!” Reggie exclaimed, pulling her into a hug. Alex went in for one afterward, happily surprised.

“Hey guys!” she said, grinning.

“What are you up to?” Alex asked.

“Gonna be performing in a bit,” she said excitedly. “Just a warm up before the main group comes on. I’ve been working on some of my own stuff; I think you guys would love it! Got time to stick around?”

“Sweet!” Reggie raised a fist for her to bump. “I’m down. Alex, wanna stay?”

“Yeah, sounds great!”

He had yet to see what Flynn was capable of. If he were to judge only on knowing she’d been in a duo with Julie, he expected it to be good.

“Also, you should try the burritos here,” Flynn told them. “They are to die for!”

The endless click-rollll-click-click-click of his board filled his ears as Willie moved through the street, feeling the wind pass over him in the way that made freedom feel like he could clutch it in his hands. He’d actually spent today not worrying about Alex. It felt good not to dwell on what little past he had access to. Of course, he still had repetitive dreams about the few memories that had come back, but the backwards one with Caleb in it hadn’t come back ever since he’d gotten to LA. Moving forward felt...nice.

He had spent the morning sketching at the beach, getting all sorts of practice in. The beautiful waves, seagulls, the different activities all around him. Somehow a group of young college kids had gotten him to join their volleyball tournament. Willie wasn’t sure if he’d ever played it before, but once he caught onto the game, he’d gotten surprisingly good. It felt nice to roll up the hem of his jeans and dig his toes into the warm sand while playing with a group of strangers. They’d nicknamed him Mowgli, whatever that meant. He liked the sound of it though.

Heading off to work after cleaning himself up, he realized he could spend all his free time that way. Peacefully sketching, meeting fun people, and enjoying his surroundings. Was that all it took to be happy? Willie chuckled at the thought of how much Caleb had stressed over rising to the top of his business game, never appearing to be satisfied with any of it. Leaving Vegas remained the best decision he’d ever made. Of course, he wasn’t always proud about his method of burning down the shed, but it had been one of those...heat of the moment things.

Willie skated up to the back entrance and shook his hair out after lifting off his helmet. Just a few short hours of making food, some chill entertainment, and he could peace out for the night. He headed inside the store and right into the small kitchen. Thankfully, the store didn’t fit too many patrons and it was never hard to keep up with orders, and Kyle had a system so he never had to leave the kitchen. This basically meant he could jam to the live music during the lulls between orders with no interruption.

Kyle entered the kitchen just as Willie was tying on his apron.

“Hey, dude, thanks for coming. We actually got two acts coming in, so it should be a full crowd. Katelyn can be the MC for the first bit, but do you mind taking over for the second half?”

A twinge of excitement came over Willie and he lit up. He’d never gotten to try being an MC before.

“Don’t mind at all!” he said.

“Alright, man!” Kyle exclaimed. “First two orders up: swamp style nachos and a bog burrito.”

“Got it.”

“We’re up for a big night with these performances,” the girl hosting hyped up the crowd. “Let’s give it up for our artist of the night: Flynn Taylor!”

Reggie cupped his hands over his mouth as he hollered along with everyone else’s applause. Alex clapped with a mouthful of nachos. Flynn stepped onto the stage behind a set of deejay turntables, smirking as she began flipping switches and turning knobs.

“Thanks for coming out here everyone,” she said into the mic. More applause and whistles echoed through the room. “We’re gonna make a lot of noise tonight, so let me hear you get pumped!”

As she began playing a beat, Alex bobbed along, immediately interested. He didn’t know a thing about mixing, so he was highly impressed with the different sounds she was using. Then Flynn picked up the mic and began rapping and the whole room cheered.

“...I’m a princess, I don’t need a prince, boy I’m priceless...I’m here to shut it down like a night shift…”

“Man,” Reggie leaned over to Alex. “She’s so good! I say we book her to open for us ASAP as possible.”

Alex merely snorted and chuckled at Reggie’s misuse of the acronym. He actually enjoyed the idea of having Flynn rapping to open for their rock shows. Gigs where all the bands sounded the same got a little flavorless sometimes.

“Also,” Reggie said as he took a huge bite into his burrito. “This is the best burrito I’ve ever had.”

“Lemme try some, you can try my nachos,” Alex said.

All Reggie could say was Mm! as he passed the burrito over.

The final beats of the first performer echoed in the kitchen where Willie had been dancing, waving various kitchen tools around. He’d thoroughly enjoyed the whole set, and wondered what sounded so familiar about the girl who was rapping. Before he could spend more time thinking about it, Kyle came in.

“Okay, you ready?” he asked.

“I just keep people busy and then announce the next group, right?” Willie guessed.

“Yeah, man, you’ve got this!”

“What’s the next group called?”

“Downslide. And they brought some merch, so it’s a good idea to mention that to the crowd as well.”

“Okay,” Willie nodded, slipping out of his apron. “Maybe I could put their t-shirt on or something, you know, sell the look?”

Kyle looked impressed. “Yeah! I’ll go see what they’ve got.”

He left the kitchen and hardly a minute later returned with a jacket.

“They said you could wear it for the night. Not gonna lie, I wish I could wear this, it’s a sweet jacket.”

Willie slipped it on, and turned around. He didn’t often wear jackets, but whatever it was made of was pretty soft.

“Guess I’m ready,” he said, giving Kyle a hand slide and fist bump before leaving the kitchen. He stepped up behind the microphone and looked out at the crowd, and further back, the empty store.

At that moment, he heard the bell of the store door ring and two guys walked outside. Through the window, a familiar leather jacket passed. Then, he saw a head of blonde hair follow, turning to look both ways to cross the street, and his heart grew to fill all the empty space in his chest. It was unmistakable. It had to be.

“Alex...” he breathed quietly into the microphone. Adrenaline immediately went out to his extremities. The crowd before him looked bewildered as they waited for him to announce the next group.

Glancing offstage, he saw Kyle give him a strange look. Willie shook his head, unclear what message he was sending but ultimately knowing he couldn’t stay at his current spot. Before he could think anything else, his legs were bounding out the door. It felt like every ounce of blood in his veins knew. The search was over.

Reggie and Alex had just reached the opposite corner. He wasn’t going to miss his chance.

“Alex!” he cried, running to meet them.

He immediately thrust his arms around a surprised Alex, gripping him tightly, burying his face into his shoulder.

“Oh my god, Alex!” he said, panting. “It’s so good to see you.”

He didn’t feel the hug didn’t reciprocate, and instead Alex grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away. The darkness of the street seemed to envelop him.

“What are you - ?” Alex started, staring back at Willie like he’d just been assaulted. Then shock wiped over his whole face. Then confusion. And then a pain came over all of it that made Willie’s concern grow.

“What - what is it?” he asked, all the excitement gone.

Alex wouldn’t look him in the eye, and he raised a hand to hold the side of his head.

“No, this isn’t real,” he whispered to himself, shrinking backward and shutting his eyes. “This can’t be real.”

Willie glanced over at Reggie, who also stared like he was seeing the impossible. He could see Alex shaking and heard a rattled breath, and felt tension grow thick in the air. Quickly, he went to take Alex’s face in his hands.

“Alex, hey, look, it’s me,” he soothed. He fought to get a look directly into his eyes. “It’s me, Willie.”

Finally, the green ocean gazed back at him, turbulent and restless. What once had been a grounding rhythm of waves had turned into a maelstrom of despair. Even worse were the tears welling up right before him. Willie watched the storm rage for a few seconds, seeking for a moment of calm.

“What’s wrong?” he murmured, lowering his hands. Alex looked so wounded it frightened him.

“How are you alive?” Alex begged to know.

Blinking, Willie sat back, astounded at those words. While he agreed it was a miracle he was still alive, he couldn’t fathom why Alex would ask such a question. He chuckled merely out of discomfort.

“I’m here.” Willie glanced at Reggie, looking for an explanation. “Flesh and bone. Why? What happened?”

Alex looked at him incredulously, jaw hanging open. He looked so tightly wound and so scattered all at once.

“Caleb told me you were dead.”

Willie blanched inwardly at the mention of Caleb, but even more so at the rest of that sentence he’d been utterly unprepared to hear.

“He...he - ” he stammered for a moment. “When would you have even talked to him?”

Sharing a look with Reggie, Alex took a deep breath. Then he looked back at Willie hesitantly.

“We see him all the time. We work for him now.”

It was Willie’s turn to drop his jaw.

“We’ve been signed to his record label for a few months now,” Reggie pitched in.

Directing his gaze to the ground, Willie puzzled for a minute.

“Why would I be dead?” he asked, looking back up at Alex.

For a minute Alex simply gazed at him wordlessly.

“I don’t know,” he said. There was a pause as both of them finally looked at each other, fully aware that this was real. And then Alex threw his arms around Willie to return the hug. Willie had to raise himself up on his toes to avoid falling over, and he tightened his grip to remain steady. He felt joy spread through his whole torso and breathed a sigh of relief as hands tangled into his hair. “But that doesn’t matter. I’m so happy to see you.”

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #fanfic #jatp fanfic #willex #alive au #sunset curve #alex mercer #willie #luke patterson #reggie peters #bobby wilson #julie molina #flynn taylor #caleb covington #viva las vegas #unexpected meeting #fiddlepickdouglas

19 notes · View notes

lokigodofaces · 3 years

Text

Michelle, Marvel, & Pride 3

Link to the questions.

Which characters do you headcanon as queer?

A lot of them.

This will be specific to the MCU, by the way.

Loki Laufeyson: greybiromantic asexual or greypanromantic asexual (abbreviations of greyromantic biromantic and greyromantic panromantic). I go back and forth. Sometimes I write him as bi, sometimes as pan. And Tom said Loki was pan, so I see MCU version as pan because I trust Tom. But I sometimes write Loki as bi. I used to say demiromantic, but now I'm thinking I see him more as a greyromantic. Oh, and let's not forget that he's genderfluid!

Bucky Barnes: greybisexual. That is the abbreviation of grey asexual and bisexual. I see him as bi, but not often experiencing sexual or romantic attraction. Thus, making him greysexual.

Wanda Maximoff: abrosexual. Specifically, she switches back and forth between heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, and asexual (and aromantic). I've gotten so many different vibes from her at different times, and it took me a while but this is how I can make all the vibes work. She is almost always attracted to men (which works great with her relationship with Vision), but when she is aroace she is romance favorable.

Lance Hunter: bisexual. This man gives off so many disaster bisexual vibes. Marvel is just trying to cover it up by putting him in a relationship with Bobbi. Well, jokes on you Marvel, it isn't gay/lesbian or straight, there are in betweens like bisexuals, and you just made a disastrous, chaotic one.

Daisy Johnson: demibisexual, which is the abbreviation of demisexual and bisexual. I do be getting bi vibes from her. But it is a huge deal that she spends several seasons without a love interest. That is so uncommon for female leads. And basically every other woman in AoS has a love interest the majority of the time. So for Daisy to not have a love interest for so long is indicative of her being aspec. I contemplated things from romance favorable aromantic to asexual, but I think demisexual fits best for her.

Jemma Simmons: biromantic heterosexual. I used to say just bisexual, but I do think she's varioriented now. I think she was attracted to Bobbi for a while. I mean, just watch the episode where Jemma meets Bobbi. Lots of bi vibes there! But I do think she's biro-het varioriented.

Leopold Fitz: heteroromantic bisexual. Look at my OTP, being opposites in variorientedness. Okay, so I can only see Fitz ever being in romantic relationships with women specifically Jemma but whatever. But what made me think he could be bisexual was a scene in season 2. Fitz was looking at Mack, and hallucination!Jemma said something about Mack having a good physique (in other words, she said Mack was hot). But this Jemma was a creation of Fitz's head that said what he couldn't say. I think the intention of that line might have been Fitz rubbing in the fact that Jemma left because she didn't like him (at least that's what Fitz thought at the time). But they literally said that hallucination!Jemma was a manifestation of Fitz's thoughts, which is kinda saying Fitz thought Mack was hot. Fitz and Mack have a great friendship throughout the series, but I don't get any romantic undertones from Fitz. I think he thinks Mack is attractive but isn't interested in pursuing that because he's romantically into Jemma or is dating Jemma, depending on when you're talking about.

Steve Rogers: bisexual. He just kinda gives off the vibes, y'know.

Hela Odinsdottir: lesbian. She just gives off the vibes, y'know.

Carol Danvers: lesbian. Again, she gives off the vibes.

Peter Parker: bicurious. I see him as ultimately being bisexual, but at this moment in the MCU, he is still questioning. Tom Holland's Spider-Man gives off so many queer vibes, and this is how I interpret them.

MJ: omnisexual. Not much to say here. I just vibe with it.

Tess: aromantic asexual. She's never shown to have any of that sort of interest. And in a deleted scene she said she was hoping to get permission to have a child. From what it sounds like, she's single and wants to raise a child without a partner. Choosing to be a single mom without considering a partner was what made me think about it (I never think about characters being queer, I just vibe with the story normally). But I do think she's aroace!

Sam Wilson: aromantic heterosexual. This one is going to be unpopular I bet, what with the surge of sambucky popularity. I see sambucky as a queerplatonic relationship! I think Sam would be romance favorable or romance neutral, but he's got the queerplatonic attraction to Bucky.

Mantis: asexual. I have no idea if she's aromantic or romantic, but I get ace vibes from her.

Nebula: aromantic asexual. I do be getting the vibes from her.

And...I think that's it. I did a lot of thought on this. Like a lot. I did a post before with people I headcanon as queer and it was like half this long, and even some of those headcanons I don't headcanon anymore.

Previous | Next

18 notes · View notes

swamplatibule · 3 years

Text

starwritten society “season one” summary in bullet points

The Starwritten Society is a secret organization dedicated to rescuing children with paranormal abilities from those who would manipulate or weaponize those abilities. They also specialize in training those children to control their powers, if need be.

But forget about that let’s get to the cool stuff

fox exists

everyone is either kinda in love with him or fucking hates him

or both *coughwilsoncough*

also he’s a bastard

and he looks like pedro pascal but that’s whatever just focus

he gets back from a mission

and is immediately called into Iara’s office

they’re the head of the Society btw

he thinks he’s in trouble but NOPE

turns out he’s a mentor now! yayyy!

wait no he doesn’t want to be a mentor oops

especially not to this... sassy child

who by the way seems WAY too young to be an agent

and he knows that you need a recommendation from a higher ranking agent to be a mentor and so he asks who recommended him

turns out it was wilson

who’s the head of the high risk rescue division

and also the character that almost the entire made-up fandom ships with fox but they don’t expect it to actually happen because the amount of queerbaiting in tv is RIDICULOUS

but jokes on them everyone in this goddamn show is gay as fuck lol

anyway he confronts wilson bc he doesn’t want a trainee wtf dude

and wilson goes

”I thought having another life to worry about might make you a little less reckless.”

yeah they have a very passive-aggressive rivalry as of yet

and so fox is stuck with a trainee

her name is hollister btw, aidan hollister, she’s the paraself

anywho hollister n fox do NOT get along at first

fox makes it very clear that he doesn’t think hollister is cut out for this kinda shit

like even though she was able to hack into the society's security systems which is basically impossible

she doesn’t know how to hold a gun or fight a bitch

AND she’s like 14, most agents don’t start training until they’re like 17

so shes too young for this shit

and hollister is pissed because she earned her right to be here and this motherfucker is just fuckn UGH

also she has a hidden complex about not being good enough or “worthy” but shhhh that’s a secret

but they‘re stuck with each other though so

then we meet Kennedy, she runs the tech devision and was very impressed Hollister managed to hack the system (that she made! Kennedy made the system! She’s by far the most vital person in the Society and don’t you ever forget it)

Kennedy and Fox are also really good friends they’ve known each other since they were trainees

kennedy immediately takes a liking to hollister

she slowly grows on Fox too but he won’t show it

well he has to adopt train this kid so there’s like a solid three episodes that’s just them going missions and him teaching her how to do agenty stuff

then we meet The Bad Guy

Her name is Eleanor Sylvidas

which is the same name as the first bad guy Fox ever faced bc she‘s that lady’s daughter and has the same name

turns out her mom raised her to continue the family business

if you know what I mean

haha

anyway

so Eleanor is giving the Society a lot of shit to deal with

fox and hollister’s mission is to get any sort of information on her, try to find her location but DO NOT GET INTO A FIGHT WITH HER bc they won’t let hollister get into fights yet

anyway turns out eleanor is in the building at the same time as them

they get split up

hollister gets into a fight with her

of course

because shes Like That

hollister loses but fox saves her and they get the hell out of there

the bad news is that Eleanor is now targeting these two specifically

she recognized fox as the guy who got her mom arrested and since hollister’s his trainee she’s roped into the mess too

so a few episode pass that i haven’t fully daydreamed yet

just a few training things and dangerous shit and fox teaching Hollister how to steal a car

and we have a backstory episode duh

every good show has some backstory exposition

long story short fox‘s parents died in a murder-su•c•de and also his sister got kidnapped and he spent a year in foster care before running away and joining the circus and eventually the Society

hollister never met her parents and has spent her entire life in the foster care system

and tragic villain backstory! That’s the heroes don’t know!

Eleanor’s mom basically made her feel worthless or like she wouldn't be good for anything if she couldn’t carry on with the plan thing.

And she doesn’t actually want to be doing any of this! She just acts like she does and wears this sadistic twisted mask to hide any doubt

but enough sad shit get ready for...

the FANCY PARTY EPISODE

there’s one in each season, where the characters have to sneak into a very rich-people black-tie event

and also sneak in as many weapons as they can fit on their person

so they go to this party

and they split up in order to find eleanor

and fox SPECIFICALLY tells Hollister “if you see her don’t engage, just let me take care of it”

hollister sees Eleanor and tries to get Fox’s attention but eleanor is going somewhere and she doesn’t have time and-

so she just follows Eleanor without Fox’s help

and then they get into another fight

and it’s a pretty even fight bc hollister’s a quick learner and stuff

and so she’s gotten pretty good at fighting

but then fox finds them and hollister’s distracted and eleanor gets away

and so they’re back where they started

there‘s a long scene of him arguing with her because she put herself in danger and could‘ve gotten herself killed

and her arguing that she had it, she could’ve just ended the whole thing right there and they wouldn’t have to deal with this lady anymore

but NO because fox had to interrupt

it ends with hollister storming out of the room and Fox just sighing and leaning against the wall

and then realizing suddenly that

well shit

maybe he does care about this kid

thats not good

but of course he’s not gonna say it out loud bc he doesn‘t want to admit that attachment

in the end it’s after a long talk with Kennedy that he admits it

partially because she locks him in her office because she KNOWS something‘s wrong and she also knows that he’ll bottle it up land deal with it silently unless someone makes him talk about it

Kennedy is absolutely not gonna have that shit because that’s not ✨healthy✨

she’s a good friend like that and also just a badass in general

anyway so fox admits that mayyybe yeah he cares about the kid and possibly hypothetically sees her as a daughter and such

Kennedy seems satisfied so she tells him to go find Hollister

wherever she went

And it turns out!!!

she just straight up left the building and went for a walk to clear her head

which is dangerous, dumbass, what are you thinking someone’s trying to kill you

Hollister is a reflection of myself so it makes sense that she’s an idiot tbh

but anyway a few people who work for Eleanor attacked her and captured her and such

aaaaaaanyway

fox doesnt know that yet so he’s walking around looking for her

and after a while he starts getting worried

because where the hell is she? where the fuck is his kid dammit

and then

he gets a text

from hollister's phone

with a series of coordinates

and so being the impulsive dumbass he is he just goes to those coordinates as fast as he can without any sort of backup

and it turns out!

Eleanor was trying to get both of them in the same place, yknow

two birds with one stone n shit

hollister is still alive don’t worry!

she gets plot armor because I like her

so there’s a fight, there’s blood and grit and also there’s...

✨eleanor having a mental breakdown✨

and so she’s talking about how she HAS to do this and she’s losing her composed cool persona and just going wild

and fox tries to calm her down but it doesn’t work, she just wants to kill them both right now and she’s not gonna stop until either they’re dead or she is

and so they fight, although the main two don’t really have a choice in it

Kennedy shows up with backup bc shes a bad bitch like that

and eventually, after a long fight, Hollister and Fox take down Eleanor

They don’t kill her, obviously, but they are Getting This Bitch Therapy

I think she might be important later in like

season 4 or something

that’s the one I just started daydreaming

but forget about that there’s sappy stuff happening! :D

they’re both on the floor, hollister’s kinda hugging herself and she looks like she‘s about to cry

”I thought you didn’t want me around. I thought I wasn’t good enough.”

and then fox just hugs her

and now they’re both crying

and the viewers are crying

and the sky is also crying

because it’s raining when they get outside

and they’ve become this lil family duo

and BOOM there you go season one in bullet points

#I skipped an unbelievable amount of shit but I had to shorten it a lot #Trust me the development isn’t nearly that rushed #im just a shitty writer #para: hollister #para: fox #para: kennedy #paracosm: the starwritten society #Wilson is much more prominent than he seems here I promise #paraportal #my paras #my paracosm #tw suicide #tw death mention #tw abuse #tw murder #tw mental breakdown

3 notes · View notes

asgardianthot · 4 years

Text

Hunting Season (sambucky) – Part 2

Series Masterlist

Summary: The Barnes family is your average rich people circus. With Bucky’s post-breakup financial depression, and a literal treasure hunt at stake, his best friend Sam finds himself in a mad situation in order to help him. They sure can pretend to be together, but that’s just the easy part.

Words: 3810

"So how do we do this?" Sam asked.

He was brushing his teeth with the door open so he could glance at Bucky, who sat on the edge of Sam's bed. He was going to give his friend the bed back once they fully decided to go to sleep and Bucky took the couch, again, but for now, he was enjoying the comfort of a bedroom. He always did find comfort in Sam and his hospitality, after all. He remembered that one Christmas the Barnes spent in the French Alps, the one Bucky avoided because he had just broken up with Rumlow for the first time; Sam was kind enough to invite him to the Wilsons for the holidays, and that was when Bucky realized where his friend got his charm and kindness. Sam's entire family were the most welcoming people Bucky had ever encountered, which made him wish he had been born into a home like that.

As Sam spit the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth, Bucky thought of the specificities of their plan. At the realization that, if his parents had sat through several different relationships with the same Brock Rumlow, they probably wouldn't blink at the sight of a new man, he felt that the plan wouldn't be too complicated after all.

"I don't know." He shrugged, "Can you pretend to be gay?"

While Bucky's question was asked nonchalantly, Sam received it like a suckerpunch. It was supposed to be an easy answer, however the topic was a delicate one for Sam. Not that Bucky knew anything about it, but Sam kept a few secrets to himself. And since his friend had only ever seen him dating girls...

"Easy peasy." Sam faked a smile before cleaning his chin with a clean towel, "It's pretending I like you that's gonna be tough." He joked.

"Funny." Bucky said without a hint of amusement.

Eventually, Sam returned to his original concerns. The stakes weren't too high for him, but if Bucky got caught with this, he would never hear the end of it. Who knew what his parents would put him through, and Bucky had already mentioned something about being banned from the annual hunt for life, losing all hopes of ever getting the slightest fraction of Nana's money. Those two million dollars could mean everything to Bucky, so they really had to put on a show.

He walked back to his room and gestured his guest to give him some room, next to him. Bucky granted him the space, and they both sat in their own seriousness.

"No, but seriously, do we have to kiss and stuff?" Sam asked.

Bucky reflected on it.

"Maybe. I mean, we gotta make it believable."

The other man nodded, taking in the idea of kissing Bucky, even if just for an act, until Bucky's words caught him by surprise.

"Wanna practice?"

Sam raised his eyebrows, and cleared his throat with nervousness, "Uh, sure."

Nevertheless, he was met by a very amused Bucky, who happened to have been holding in his laughter. When he cracked up, falling back on the bed with pride on his own joke, Sam de-tensed.

"I'm kidding, dude." He threw a light punch to Sam's back, "We pro'ly won't even kiss through the entire week. Family's real uptight when they wanna be."

Sam let out a breath only he could hear, hopefully, and pretended to be comfortable with the entire situation.

"Okay, but if we do have to kiss, it better look real."

Day 1.

The time had come, and spirits weren't great. Sam had his shit together, luckily, but Bucky wasn't as confident. In the ride from the station to the lake house, they both sat at the back of the taxi, trying to prepare for the upcoming week. Eight full days of acting couldn't be too easy, but Sam was calm.

James looked the polar opposite, as he tried to keep his cool, mumbling to himself.

"Deep breaths." He told Sam like he was doing the calming for both of them, and it brought a small smirk to Sam's lips.

He watched his friend breathe in and out with his eyes closed, and he feared he might have a mental breakdown before they even got the chance to reach the house.

"Hey, I got this." He reminded Bucky, in attempts to ease his worries.

"God, I really hope you do."

Suddenly, the panoramic of the gigantic residence came to their field of vision. The two-story house had direct access to the lake, along with stored kayaks and sailing equipment. There was a -- floating there, unused, marking the family's possessions, and facing the big garden that separated the house from the water.

As soon as the vehicle stopped in the entrance, an employee came out to take care of their bags. Sam gave Bucky an odd look, himself not being used to maids and being served like that, to which Bucky only pressed his lips together. That's the Barnes way.

"Oh, come inside!" Bucky's mother welcomed them, ushering them inside.

They both obeyed and walked up the three steps to the door, finally entering the house. Before either of them got the chance to speak, though, Winnifred began theatricalizing.

"You poor things, it's so hot outside!" she lamented while pressing a hand to her chest.

Bucky tried, and failed, to reject her drama, "It's not that-"

"You must be Samuel." She ignored her son, and continued to ramble over Sam's attempts to at least say hello, "You want a drink? It's too hot."

The guest eyed Bucky, who was just staring into nothingness. If his eyes could speak, they would have been saying 'yep, sounds about right.'

"Uh, sure." Sam accepted, "Thank you, ma'am. I'm so glad-"

"There he is!" he was cut off by Bucky's father, who walked into the welcoming hall with his arms extended, "The man of the hour."

The two men shook hands.

"Sir." Sam nodded.

"Oh, please, it's George."

Sam opened his mouth to say something polite, when the woman interrupted him once more.

"And Winnifred." She added.

This time, Sam waited for a gap in the conversation. He hadn't been able to lay out a single sentence to the married couple, so he awkwardly waited for them to interrupt him, but when the silence extended for too long, he smiled, nervously.

"George and Winnifred, then." He agreed, nodding, "It's nice to meet you."

"James tells me you teach." Winnifred jumped right into the discussion.

"I do." Sam smiled, "History."

"Which school?"

"Mom, don't be a snob." Bucky warned her.

"I'm just asking him a question." She pledged innocence, as usual.

As much as the question of academic elitism bothered Sam, he had to remain polite. He hated gratifying rich people like that by disclosing the snob university where he worked. Sometimes he wanted to quit and go back to where he started, small high schools, poorly funded programs... for now, though, he had unpaid student debt and a two million dollar hunt to win.

"It's alright." He bit back his pride and dismissed it, "I'm teaching at Princeton right now."

Winnifred raised her eyebrows with one half excitement and one half surprise.

"That's a fine school." She showed how impressed she was.

The woman probably thought Bucky couldn't do better than the family friend business trash. She probably figured her son was too stupid for a Princeton professor, much less to settle down with one. It didn't add to the bad image Sam already had of her.

"I have some contacts in Harvard, could get you a spot." George butt in.

"Dad."

"Thank you, sir, that's not necessary." Sam rejected very gracefully, "I love my job and I certainly can't leave my students."

George gave him a respectful nod, while Winnifred gave his son a look, one that yelled well done. The interaction had gone better than any of them had expected, making Bucky forget every concern he had before. When they moved to the living room, which was right next door, the fake couple exchanged some victorious glances. Feeling much more confident now, Bucky pointed to the old lady sitting at the end of the room.

"Sam, I'm honored to introduce you to Nana Barnes." He dramatized in order to annoy the woman.

She looked like the kind of grandmother who had strong opinions on people and therefore, favorites, and Bucky sure acted like the favorite, teasing her with the confidence that she wouldn't mind. Nana didn't bother standing up. She was wearing a conservative black dress, reading glasses and she held a glass of Champaign on her hand. The matriarch look suited her wonderfully.

"I've heard many good things." Sam approached her, extending his hand.

While shaking the young man's hand, Nana eyed him up and down.

"You're handsome." She said in a powerful tone, "Much better looking than the last one."

Nervously, Sam fixed his tie and cleared his throat.

"Thank you." He frowned amusingly, not sure if he was meant to take the compliment or not.

"Are you an idiot like him?"

Sam tilted his head, "Excuse me?"

"That Rumlow boy, he was an ass. Couldn't tell his south from his north. Now, are you a smart man?"

Sam looked back at Bucky, who merely gave him a thumbs up as he backed away and left the two alone. It was only then that Sam noticed Bucky's parents had abandoned him as well. He accepted his situation, and sat down on the chair next to her.

"I... like to think so." He smiled, "I sure hope so, or else I'm teaching the next generation to be just as dumb."

"Ah, so I've heard." She spoke like it was the first thing she fully approved of, "It's a nice break from all the dull business men in our family. Is Jamie planning to live off your Princeton check?"

This time, the harsh question caught him less off-guard, "No, ma'am, I'm just helping him get back on his feet."

The lady narrowed her eyes like she was quizzing the new boyfriend.

"How long have you known my grandson?"

The fake couple had prepared a whole concocted tale, but right there, in front of the matriarch who worshipped the truth, he figured telling her the real story wouldn't hurt.

"I don't even know. Probably... six years?" the realness behind his words made Nana seem interested, "We met through other people, next thing I know we're best friends for good. Couldn't shake him off my back."

The woman laughed, "He can't help it, the Barnes have bloodsucker in their DNA."

Bucky had mentioned at some point, how the woman referred to the Barnes as simply the family she had married into when it came to pointing out their flaws, yet called herself a Barnes when it suited her. Sam, however, held in any type of snarky comment or laughter, and made an effort to remain excessively polite. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep the façade for long, or at least not for the entire week, so he made sure to make the best first impression possible.

"No, Bucky's not like that.” He defended the man, although he immediately decided against contradicting the matriarch; he raised one hand in retreat, “I mean, you've known him all his life, so what do I know? But, uh… he's not that kind of friend."

The last word brought a smear of annoyance to the woman’s features, considering Sam had used it twice already.

"You can say boyfriend, Samuel, I'm not a prude." She protested.

Suddenly, Sam realized he was being too genuine. The way he spoke about Bucky was so truthful, he forgot for a second that he was meant to pretend to be his loving partner.

"Yes, boyfriend. Sorry."

In the welcoming hall, Bucky was thanking the service for getting his bags upstairs. He noticed a taxi parked outside, and he figured his cousin or one of his uncles had arrived, but as he wiped sweat from his forehead, the door opened, and his sister Rebecca walked in. As to be expected, she was dressed to impress in a light blue skirt and a sunny hat, wearing the additional drops of sweat that fell down her neck like an accessory.

"What are you doing here?” Bucky ambushed her, not too happy to see her, “You said you wouldn't make it."

The young woman didn’t seem offended by her welcoming, for she knew she was about to lie.

"I decided to spend some time with my family." She smiled brightly, reaching to hug her brother.

"Bull.” He stopped her. “What happened?"

Rebecca sighed, "Why do you always assume something's happened?"

"Because I'm the one picking up your slacks and shoving it under the rug." Bucky spat, looking around to check that nobody was listening.

"My hero." She rolled her eyes.

"Someone has to keep making you look perfect."

The words hit her, but she didn’t wince. Her face fell minimally, which was her own way of accepting it. Bucky was right, after all, because for years he had helped her out in every singl one of her fuck-ups, never asking for anything back, which resulted in their parents beliving their little girl to be a practical angel, while James remained the family screw up. The thing was, both siblings were emotional trainwrecks, but Bucky was the only one who got any backlash for it.

"So what was it?” he asked again, this time much more relaxed, “Boyfriend? Boyfriend's wife?"

"Actually...” Rebecca lowered her voice, “It's money. I need to win the hunt this year."

Bucky couldn’t believe his ears. Rebecca had only joined the family vacations to ruin his plans.

"I need to win the hunt this year." He was quick to shake his head.

"You don't understand, I owe a shit ton or money, James.” Unfortunately, his sister was just as enthusiastic about her own issues, “It's bad."

"Then get a loan from dad." He proposed in a very order-like tone, for he knew their father would give Rebecca money, while never offering Bucky a penny.

"He can't know I'm in debt!" she whisper-shouted.

Bucky took a deep breath and massaged his temples, still in disbelief that they were in this situation to begin with. He had brought his best friend into this, for all sakes. He couldn’t lose the money to his little sister. He wanted to explain to her how he was penny-less and had been enduring their parent’s hellfire for weeks, but Rebecca already knew that, and if that alone didn’t bring out her empathy, no amount of persuasion would. He wanted to tell her exactly what kind of treatment he had received in their parent’s house, but of course, Rebecca must have already guessed.

As much as he wanted to keep fighting, Sam joined them, and the two siblings were distracted from the argument.

"Samuel Wilson, why on earth are you in this shithole?"

Sam was baffled, as they hadn’t even spent half an hour there, and things were already not going according to plan. Bucky had sworn Rebecca wouldn’t be there, which was good, because Rebecca knew Sam and she knew that their relationship was not at all romantic.

"Good to see you too." He said, trying his best to ignore her obvious confusion and walking closer to Bucky, "Uh, your folks-"

"Sweetheart, you made it!" Winnifred’s exclamation echoed across the room.

"Of course, mama." Rebecca faked enthusiasm as she opened her arms.

"I see you've met Jamie's boyfriend." The siblings’ mother remarked as she gave Rebecca a quick hug.

Even before the contact was over, Rebecca was frowning.

"Boyfriend?"

Think, quickly.

"Yes, boyfriend. “ Bucky said loudly; perhaps too loudly to be believable, “We didn't wanna say. Thanks for ruining the newsbreak, mom." He faked discourage.

Rebecca crossed her arms over her chest, "No, you're not."

Desperate to play it out, Sam pressed a hand to the low of Bucky’s back, in an attempt to show affection and commodity with one another. Bucky, however, froze a little, because it was the first time Sam had done something like that and it felt more than just odd.

"We sure are." Sam grinned.

"Yeah, it just..." Bucky failed to imitate his fake boyfriend’s confidence as he scratched his brow and struggled with words, "Just sort of happened. We were going to tell you."

The room went silent, and Rebecca definitely wasn’t convinced. In fact, she saw straight through both of them and deciphered the truth behind the masquerade in a matter of seconds, which didn’t amuse her at all. They were going to take her prize away.

"Bucky's cheating." She said.

"Excuse me?” Winnifred opened her eyes wide, offended at what the accusation implied.

"At the hunt.” The young woman continued, earning a pleading look from her brother, who begged her not to out his lies; thankfully, she proceeded with a mocking tone, “He knows Nana's biased for couples, so he dragged his boyfriend to this freakshow."

Both Sam and Bucky felt like they had been given a second life, and they quickly laughed it off to dissimulate. Winnifred made a comment about her daughter’s choice of words while they all moved back to the living room, and although what had just happened was a sign that Rebecca wouldn’t out them, all three involved never got their eyes off each other.

Dinnertime was an event for the whole family. Others had arrived with their own luggage, setting three different generations in one table. Sam could only feel how strongly out of place he was, among the fancy drinks and conversations about business and family companies. He was learning a hell of a lot about Bucky’s family, though. The fortune was earned by the parents of the deceased grandfather, and he had been the one to ‘make them all rich assholes’, according to Bucky’s words.

"Aside from us and Becca, everyone here just wants to win the hunt for their ego.” He explained in whispers, leaning closer to Sam to not be overheard by the rest of the family, “It's just a fun tradition to them."

"I bet it's fun, getting four millions a year." Sam snorted quietly.

It made Bucky laugh, which got the attention of his aunt. She eyed the couple like they were just so cute together, and it only then occurred to Bucky that maybe they did.

"Oh, I forgot about Uncle Milo.” He gestured to an old and nice-looking man at the other end of the table. “Grandpa Theodore's brother, he's after the fortune."

Sam didn’t believe his friend, for it sounded like cliché rich family drama, something out of a soap opera. However, the young Barnes explained that the cliché was real, and that Uncle Milo had gambled his share of the fortune away, so he maintained his proximity to Nana in a desperate attempt to get it all back, the money, the house, everything. He soon continued explaining the rest of the less relevant characters: George's brother Teddy and his wife Andrea, who had a son about their age; cousin Colin. He was a dull creature and he looked like he'd come out of a Lacoste magazine, both him and his Ivy-league-college-sweetheart fiancée did. The third Barnes sibling was Aunt Ida, who had no children but was happily divorced.

“Are we all done with desert?” Nana stood up from her chair.

Cousin Colin raised his fork to speak and say that he hadn’t, but Nana didn’t seem to care.

“Wonderful. Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“No speech, Nana?” Bucky teased her.

“No, you’re all well aware. Except for Samuel, but he’s a smart man, he’ll catch up.” She winked at him.

That was apparently a good sign. She liked Sam.

“The first clue is very easy: just the meaning behind it all.” The woman chuckled at the end of her sentence, earning a few confused looks, “I didn’t hide it very well. You’ll find it if you search for it.”

Every guest remained seated. Knowing the woman, she wasn’t kidding, and this was just a riddle they were supposed to decipher, but they never failed to give her the benefit of the doubt that perhaps, just maybe one time, she would give them a real clue instead of messing with them as much as she could. Nana raised her glass of Champaign as a toast.

“Happy Hunting.” She smirked to the glass before chugging it down.

They seemed to be walking around aimlessly, just as the rest of the participants. This sounded like more of a mental riddle to fix by themselves, instead of an actual clue that was hidden somewhere. Bucky had the idea to look around grandpa Theodore’s old room in search for something emotional, although that didn’t sound like Nana, but she had told them to look for the meaning behind it all- she could have meant the meaning of the hunt. When Sam’s brain clicked, he grabbed Bucky’s arm to stop him.

"I got an idea." He announced.

Bucky glanced down at his arm, which was still being held by Sam.

"What're you thinking?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I'm guessing you guys have a library?"

Bucky nodded, "Smart."

Once they found the library, they were submerged in stillness. They shut the door so they wouldn’t give anyone else the same idea, and turned on the lights; the room was probably the calmest one in the entire house. There were high shelves with old books, two dusty reading chairs and a coffee table. Sam figured he wouldn’t mind spending some time there.

"What are we looking for?" James asked in a low voice.

Sam ran his fingers through the shelves for a few seconds, lurking for that one specific piece of literature he had in mind.

“Viktor Frankl.” Sam mumbled, concentrated on his task.

When he found the title, he pulled the book out and offered it to Bucky. Man’s search for meaning, 1946. It was too classical for fancy college men not to have heard of it, but the riddle was a tad too complicated for them. It was as if Nana had expected Sam to guess it first. Bucky caressed the cover, taking in the title and internally understanding the joke. The meaning behind it all. You’ll find it if you search for it.

He let a soft chuckle escape his lips as he opened the book and searched through the pages. Sam leaned in too close, over his shoulder, and Bucky couldn’t help but feel weird at the sensation of Sam’s breath hitting the back of his neck. He didn’t believe it was okay to even notice that sort of thing.

Suddenly, an envelope fell from the book, and Bucky looked back at Sam with amusement.

“That tricky old hag.” He laughed.

A/N: I know this wasn’t too exciting lol but it was more of an introduction chapter:/ next part will have your much needed fluff and intensity! Thank you so much for reading xx

#sambucky #sambucky au #fake dating au #sambucky fanfiction #sam/bucky #sam wilson/bucky barnes #sam x bucky #sam wilson x bucky barnes #fatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #marvel fanfiction

81 notes · View notes

the-magic-lava-lamp · 4 years

Text

The ‘I hate Tony Stark’ Club

Chapter 3

Summary: Bucky & Steve, childhood best friends, have been living together for a while now after being separated at the end of high-school. Together again, they’ve been maneuvering through their twenties. And through new relationships when Steve found his way to Tony Stark, another old classmate.

While making some changes to his room, Bucky discovers a box of middle school memories. The old photos are hilarious but the real amazing finds are the old notebooks he and Steve used to pass around during class.

It’s time they rediscover being the founding members of the good ol’ ‘I hate Tony Stark’ club during their sixth grade year.

Ships: Stony, Sambucky

Word Count: 3,394

“I’d say this is going really well...”

“Bucky, we haven’t talked in thirty minutes.”

Sam leaned back into the couch and let his arms cross over him while his ‘friend’ stared helplessly at the television. After swapping stories for a good half-hour...things slowed down. The thing was, Sam wouldn’t be exaggerating if he said Bucky had serious issues with small-talk. The guy shut himself off after a few stories and retracted back into the reclusive person Sam was used to.

Though it was nowhere near as bad as it was at the beginning of their ‘friendship’. When Bucky waltzed back into Steve’s life, Sam had been willing to start a new friendship. Steve had talked about his other best friend several times and Bucky genuinely seemed great. But when they met...things kinda fell apart. The two of them just didn’t click in the way Steve had so earnestly hoped for. Bickering and long silences became the way they communicated for a good long while.

But the thing was, Sam liked Bucky from the beginning. The guy was just about one of the weirdest people he had ever met and he was deeply amused by it. And he obviously had issues with meeting new people and making friends so Bucky bickered. And Sam bickered back. A lot. It seemed to make them both a bit more comfortable, in an odd way and it just became their thing at some point.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun was shining into the cafe, bringing in comfortable warm light and Sam had his hand wrapped around the hottest cup of coffee in the world. He eased himself down onto his usual seat and allowed himself to relax as he waited for Steve though the moment he was having now was so good that he wouldn’t even mind waiting for him.

The wait turned out to be just over the two hour mark not that Sam really noticed. He was too busy watching the sun-spots that were reflecting on the coffee-house walls and dodging every work or real life issue that popped into his brain now & then.

Steve rushed in with that apologetic look that was always so startlingly sincere and genuine. Sam held up his hand and was about to tell him not not to worry before his friend launched into where he’d been.

“Sam, you’ll never believe who I ran into-!” He didn’t leave guessing time, Sam noticed with amusement. “Bucky Barnes! You know my old best friend? Haven’t seen the guy since what...? The middle of the summer after we graduated High School.” He chuckled, out of breath from running over.

“That’s great, man. It’s always nice to find these people again.” Sam grinned and tried not to think about his old best friend who would never step back into his life again, that was literally impossible.

“So much has happened to him, Sam-” He waved his hands and pulled out a metal chair from the closest table. “He-he, um...”

“Spit it out, Steve.” He gently slapped his arm with a grin.

“Well, I’ve told you. After we graduated Bucky was talking all about taking the year off to travel and I was going to school so...we lost touch. But Buck’s tellin’ me all about what he’d been doing.” Steve’s eyes were wide and full of wonder. Sam felt like he knew what the man was feeling.

“Bucky never ended up going to school. But, man. He’s been everywhere, Sam. He was living in his van for like two years just traveling and doing odd jobs. It sounds....amazing. He’s seen so much.” Steve was so obviously jealous. Being a top-of-the-line good kid his whole life sure had it’s set-backs. Sam had seen the adventurous side of his best friend get repressed several times in College.

“-He got in a car accident a few years back...lost his left arm.” Steve rolled his lips together and looked a tad bit pained. “Think he’s at the point where he can laugh about it but...I can tell that he’s different.”

“Well...” Sam finally got some words in. “I’m having a bit of information overload, Steve.” He chuckled. “But, I’m real glad you saw him again. I’d love to meet him sometime-”

“That’d be awesome.” Steve’s smile got impossibly wider when it returned. “Because, I invited him for coffee today, well right now actually. You’re gonna love him, really.” Steve reassured, eyes locked on the doors and Sam rolled his eyes because this was all so purely Steve.

“Of course you did.” He chuckled but found that he didn’t mind. Steve was far too eager and happy about all this for him to be annoyed. He laid his arm across the back of the couch and turned his own expression to the door when a man their age strolled in. His hair was long and dark, eerily covering much of his face as he walked inside. The look was peak ‘Skipped school to travel and live in my van’. It was as if a living stereotype walked inside. Sam would laugh if he knew the guy better.

“Hey, Buck. I’m gonna get us some coffee. This is the guy I was telling you about. Y’know, the weak runner?” Steve through Sam a wink and smacked his shoulder gently as he started off towards the counter.

Bucky let out a long breath before plopping himself down on the cushion next to Sam with something of a smirk. “So, you’re Steve’s new friend, Sam?” Emphasis on the ‘new’ Sam noticed.

“Yeah. That’d be me. Sam Wilson.” He stuck out his hand to which Bucky observed solemnly before shaking.

“Bucky Barnes. Steve’s best friend.”

The guy edged that out with a smirk.

‘Oh, man’ Sam really liked the guy. That was such a dick move. He licked his lips and nodded. “Best, huh?”

Bucky nodded, taking a bite out of the pastry Sam had ordered for Steve, curse that dude’s killer sweet tooth. It irritated Sam just the slightest bit. It’d been sitting on that tiny plate right where Steve would’ve sat had Bucky not shoved his way there. He had to have known who that chocolate croissant was for if he claimed to know Steve as well as he did.

Sam crossed his right leg over his left and threw his arm over the back of the couch. “I think he may have traded up...” He shrugged as if he were indifferent to the idea but threw on a smirk. Bucky quirked his brow in return, like he hadn’t been suspecting a comment back. Sam turned back and gave a once over before nodding again. “Oh yeah, he definitely did.”

His tone wasn’t serious, rather it was teasing.

Bucky thought it over for a few seconds before the corner of his mouth quirked and he loosened up. “Can’t compete with the history we got, pal. But it’s cute that you think so.”

He wrinkled his nose and took another bite of Steve’s food just as the blonde’s voice ordered just a bit behind them at the counter. Another shot of irritation crawled through Sam’s body.

“I don’t know about that.” He grinned, picking a loose thread off his jeans. That was his favorite kind of teasing. He was so specifically good at sounding like he just knew he was right no matter what the other person said. Mostly, because that’s what he usually thought. But even when he couldn't care less about the topic at hand, he could still recreate that tone. Flawlessly confident in himself and whatever the hell it was he was talking about. The kind of tone that was made for people like...Bucky apparently.

Because Bucky huffed, like a child pretending he wasn’t bothered but was actually really irritate and bad at masking it.

But Hell, he didn’t start it and he was just playing the game Bucky began.

Bucky rolled his eyes and rolled his lips together, it was 100% an attempt to keep himself from smiling.

Sam did no such thing in return. He just allowed a grin to spread over his face, raised his mug in mock cheer and sipped.

Bucky opened his mouth but was stopped when Steve sat down in the nearby chair, his eager boy-scout smile back on his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam’s flirting just slowly trailed in after their bickering. He couldn’t help it, Bucky was really attractive and he got all bashful about it. But Sam never had a reason to suspect that Bucky wasn’t straight. So the flirting was more like a joke. He was ok doing it just for laughs and it usually went right over the guy’s head anyway. But finding out he’s been gay this whole time....freaked Sam out in all kinds of ways.

“We don’t like each other very much, do we?” Bucky asked, looking almost nervous.

Sam let out a small breath before pulling his usual move. He threw his arm over the back of the couch and crossed one leg over the other. It always gained something in conversations. One thing always being a comfortable closeness. Bucky shifted a little in his seat. “You know I like you, man. I wouldn’t put up with you if I didn’t. Plus, I say nice things about you all the time.” He smiled and Bucky looked amused.

“You do, don’t you?” He chuckled with a small roll of his eyes.

“Wasn’t sure about you for the longest time though.”

Bucky’s face fell fast after that comment. “Yeah...” He sighed. “I’ve been told that I’m intimidating and have a lack of social skills.”

“Who told ya that?” He teased.

“Fifth grade teacher, Seventh grade English teacher, High-school counselor, Steve sometimes but in a nice way.” He chuckled but it looked a little pained. “Couple more.” He shrugged and Sam looked to the sixth grade notebooks still on the counter.

“Hey, at least you don’t growl anymore.”

Bucky laughed. “Didn’t exactly give you a nice welcome when we met, huh?” His hand scratched under his chin as he remembered it. “Kinda started the basis for the relationship, didn’t I?” His expression was regretful as he recalled all their bickering and fighting.

Sam shook his head. “Nah, man. I-um...” He searched for the right words while he tried to wave the idiots concern away. “I thought it was really funny. You claiming Steve like a kid with his favorite toy....was pretty amusing.” He chuckled.

“You were such a little shit. I decided I liked you like the minute you spoke to me.” He snapped his fingers. Bucky looked at him with skepticism. “Maybe we didn’t click in the way Steve wanted but...” He gestured between them. “We clicked like this. And I like that about us.” He shrugged once more.

Bucky widened his eyes but tried to conceal it by rubbing the pad of his thumb against his nose. “Me too.”

Sam nodded.

Bucky nodded.

And things went quiet again. Still just as awkward as before.

“You know that I do like you, right?” Bucky suddenly turned, he seemed embarrassed about his question but Sam could tell it was important to him.

“Yeah, Buck. I know that.” He patted his arm gently.

“I did from the beginning. I just...” He trailed off, eyes falling on the notebooks again. “I grew up with Steve and only Steve as my friend. And I-” He bit his lip. “I just wanted to make sure that I was as important to him as he was to me.” He frowned.

Sam nodded, knowing Tony could probably use these words right about now too.

“So I...-I used to push other people away from Steve and from me. Guess it’s really hard to grow out of.” He sighed, rubbing his hands down his face. Sam knew Bucky was regretting ever opening his mouth.

He gently took Bucky’s wrist and pulled one of his hands away from his face.

“C’mon, Greasy. Let’s give Steve some space. We’ll go get some drinks. Just you and me, What do you say?”

Bucky peeked his eye out and pursed his lips. “You’ll pay?”

Sam physically felt his body sigh with adoration for the confusing man. He simply nodded and hooked their hands together to pull him up.

“Why are you calling me, I’m literally in the bathroom?” Bucky muttered on the other end of the phone while Sam sipped at his drink for the 100th time. He took vulnerable glimpses at the people around him and decided it made him far too uncomfortable. He cupped the phone against his cheek. “Cause you’ve been in there for a good fifteen minutes. Was it the fries?” He made a quick shot. There was a huff on the other side. “No. It’s just...nothing. I’ll be out soon.”

Sam didn’t like the way his voice sounded so he started to stand and planted his eyes on the Men’s Room door. But slowly...and not ready to go barging in on a dude he didn’t actually know that well. “This whole situation really is bothering you, huh?”

Bucky’s end remained silent for a few seconds. “It’s not just that...-I don’t know how to explain it. Just come in, last stall by the wall.” He huffed again like the whole conversation irritated him but Sam recognized the symptom.

He shoved the door open and hung up his phone. The bathroom was empty and by the time the heavy door closed...dead quiet besides the muffled music from the other room.

He shuffled over and stood at the dingy gray stall. The tiny click followed and gifted him the sight of an overwhelmed looking Bucky sitting cross-legged on the closed toilet seat. “Hey, sweetheart.” He tossed a cocky little grin and tried not to let his face show a hint of emotion.

“Hey, champ.” Sam smiled back and leaned on the side of the stall-frame. “What’s something that’s gonna ease this for you? You don’t have to tell me the reason-” His genuine sweet tone was interrupted by a panicked Bucky.

“The song that was playing in the bar before I went in here...it-uh...was playing when I got into my accident.” Bucky gestured to his left arm and Sam nodded.

“Radio or CD?” Sam asked lightly.

Bucky smiled at the floor, for once in his life someone wasn’t pushing too hard at the attack part of the anxiety. Which he couldn’t blame people for, considering it can be scary. But Sam was going with a different angle which Bucky appreciated. “CD.”

Sam hummed with delight and earned another grin from the man on the toilet. “Always good to start a friendship with a guy with great music taste.” Sam reached out his hand for a second time that day and pulled Bucky up and out into the space of the bathroom.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I can’t even listen to that song without-” He gestured to himself only to have Sam shake his head.

“It’s just a song, Buck.” He shrugged. “The world is full of millions of others just as good or better.” Sam leaned back on the sink behind him. “And I’m thinkin’ you and I share a few more, considering you’re into the oldies apparently.”

Bucky chuckled. “I’m sorry this is how your night ended up. Usually I go to Steve when this happens but I thought he needed some space.” He looked up with earnest guilt again which Sam hoped would leave him soon. “But you’re good, kid.” He put on an exaggerated New York accent and shoved him lightly.

Sam opened the door for the both of them. “I’m glad I could help, buddy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of moving dishware was doing a number on one,Tony Stark, as he sat at his kitchen counter with his chin in his palm. The glaze over his eyes was nothing short of unsettling and it thinly veiled the straight stare he had on the wall in front of him.

Behind him, Rhodey stood with a plain blue dish-towel swung over his shoulder like an old-fashioned house-wife. But no dishes were going to get done if Tony was in one of his deep moods. And the pile would just end up bothering his friend for the whole time he stayed.

“Are you remembering to breathe over there?” Rhodey gently asked over his shoulder and felt a little smile grow when Tony gave an exaggerated gasp. He turned fiercely and whipped the towel away as he took the seat across from his best friend. “So you compared it to-?”

“Pissing at a rest-stop, yeah.” Tony rolled his eyes, freeing them from their creepy still-frame. “Is it too much to ask for? A relationship that goes well for me?” He stood and started pacing, a sure sign of stress in him.

“Hey, at least this one wasn’t all your fault.” Rhodey gently smiled and enjoyed the way a funny little sense of relief filled Tony’s face. The guy could sure take a punch on himself like a champ...which was what made this situation disturbingly serious.

Rhodey could see the earnest hurt in Tony’s face.

“I don’t even want to look at him, Rhodes.” He seemed to completely deflate with that sentiment which was a worrying sign. Rhodey nodded and ushered Tony over to sit with him on the living-room couch. “Steve...was perfect on paper but-”

He cut himself off and basically fell right next to Rhodey with puppy-dog eyes.

“You want my opinion on this?” Rhodey guessed, knowing that off course he was right. Tony nodded. “You never listen to me.”

“That’s not true, Honey-Bear.” Tony gently pinched him. “I just...I’m at a loss, ok? Part of me is pissed but the other is...sympathetic?” He shrugged and looked off so Rhodey put his arm around the back of the couch.

“You’re on a break. That was a good decision, Tony.” He rolled his lips together and gave a tiny grin. “It’s gonna hurt-”

“Sometimes the pissing burns.” Tony smirked and playfully smirked when Rhodey slapped his arm.

“Get off that juvenile crap, Tony.” He shook his head, half-serious and half-joking with him. “This is your relationship. Real life, man.”

Tony bit the inside of his cheek. “The guy was kinda my friend in high-school, Rhodes. And he never opened his mouth and told me ‘Hey, you know that gay rumor? I started that. I’m sorry.’” The dilemma was clear in just the man’s posture.

“To be fair-” He spoke slowly, sure he was on treacherous water. “Steve was like eleven when he spread the rumor. How was he to know how serious it was or that it would follow you to high-school?” Rhodey tried to be impartial.

“He didn’t. I know I shouldn’t fixate on that.” Tony pursed his lips. “But the fact is...that rumor really effected my coming-out experience. I fucking hated myself for many reasons back then, honestly. But, it would have been nice not to have been conditioned to think of my sexuality as a reason for being bullied to hell.”

Rhodey gently nodded and thought on it for a minute or two. “Ok. I’ll tell you what I think.” He decided and felt a rush of sentiment for their friendship when Tony looked at him with pure trust. “I get the whole, he was just a kid and didn’t know thing.” He nodded, more to himself. “But, from what you told me and from what I know about Steve, he doesn’t seem to realize how big of a deal this is for you.”

Tony nodded, and rested his elbow on the back of the couch.

“So...he hurt you. How do you want to move on from this, Tony?” He shook his best friends arm. “That’s the important question.”

Tony processed the information for a quiet...hour or two while Rhodey stayed by his side.

The air was shockingly quiet for a man who usually spent the hours of his inner-turmoil with his mouth running & running. Rhodey would be disturbed if he didn’t just feel massive subconscious annoyance directed at one Steve Rogers. How could he help it? He would always be a bit over-protective of Tony. Just the same as Tony was overprotective of him.

The friends sighed in sync, astonishingly, and gave each other tiny smirks that read of anxiety & knowledge.

#hope this chapter is ok!#been a while lol #tony stark #stony #Steve Rogers #MCU #my fanfiction #sambucky #sam wilson #Bucky Barnes #Iron Man #captain america #the falcon #Winter Solider #rhodey

9 notes · View notes

sweetwateriver · 4 years

Text

i have THOTS on hollywood 2020

1. it’s not a historical drama, it’s a story about modern hollywood using old hollywood as a setting, which i liked! i thought it was fun to explicitly be like “we’re using people’s real names and everything but this is how it SHOULD have gone :)”. oh wow it literally is fix-it fic. wow. anyway i liked the parallel between the fictional in-show movie meg, which is based on a true story but they recast it with a black woman and give it a happy ending, with the show which recasts/refocuses real history and gives them all happy endings; i thought it was nicely done and interesting! it’s like, even while actually living in and making a story about the past, we don’t have to live in the past. not re-writing all of history or anything, but just truly the simple liberation of being sure ur going to get a sad ending bc u think it’s a historical drama so u think u know how it’s going to end, but everyone being allowed to be happy! even though u know it could never have happened in real life, it doesn’t matter bc this time it DID :) also it didn’t feel after-school-special-y to me, it felt (while not exactly making any *new* points or anything) like it was coming from a genuine place

2. (#antisemitism) ryan murphy’s next wave of realizing marginalized people are people HAS to be jewish people. BRO HOW ARE U GOING TO MAKE A STORY ABOUT THE MARGINALIZED PEOPLE OF OLD HOLLYWOOD AND HAVE ONE (1) JEWISH PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and why is she PLAYED BY patti lupone, famous catholic????????? and obviously her jewishness is mentioned exactly twice in all 7 hours of the show, when people are being antisemitic to her. they literally say the name hitler in a joking way more times than the one jewish person is allowed to be jewish

3. (#rape) ryan murphy is still after all these years an enigma to me. why did he make a show which is explicitly, specifically made for a this-moment-in-time audience, which is about issues in hollywood that exist today and have existed for decades, and then spend so much time sympathizing with the harvey weinstein equivalent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! henry wilson (based on a real person & played by jim parsons who is again TERRIFICALLY miscast and did not pull off one single scene) is literally THE caricature of the gay predator. he could have been lifted straight out of a deep bible belt educational video. consistently, his creepiness and evilness is tied to, not the fact that he’s a predator, but the fact that he’s gay. at the end of the show there’s one little line about how he always thought being gay made him a ‘degenerate’ so he subconsciously leaned into it, but that’s literally all the nuance we’re given. watch avatar the last airbender on netflix!!! realizing ur doing something wrong isn’t the whole redemption arc, especially when the “something wrong” we’re fucking talking about here is literally raping people for decades!!!! HE HAS SO MUCH SCREEN TIME. AND A HAPPY ENDING. BRO HE “MEETS SOMEONE”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m pretty sure he has more screen time than several other main characters, especially laura harier as camille, who really could have used more interi-fucking-ority!!! but instead it’s more important to give executive producer jim parsons more and more screen time to say stupid shit and sexually harass people. it’s literally so bizarre and jarring to be watching this show, which is, again imo genuine, but still definitely very hashtag representation hashtag diversity, jennifer lawrence voice “equal rights!”, created for a liberal audience, etc, and then every other scene there’s literally a homophobic caricature version of harvey fucking weinstein who we’re supposed to love to hate and laugh at his jokes.

#personal #overall i really did like it but LITERALLY....................................................................#3 #4 #5 #rape #antisemitism

7 notes · View notes

somarysueme · 5 years

Text

WicDiv Thoughts, some overly personal

stiiiiiillllll can’t really put together my feelings about the end and epilogue. I will say that I liked the ending and epilogue more than I expected to*, and the longer I sit on it, I find more things to like about it.

(* Except for everything about Baal and Mini)

That said, there’s still that huge, unpleasant gap between what I wanted/expected this comic was supposed to be, and what it actually intended/was. I wrote this post after 43 (the “everyone does the thing” chapter), using bits of a half-written reaction to 39 ("Laura did the thing” chapter) to talk about that gap. I decided to sit on it til everything was said and done Just In Case, but I mostly still agree with what I’d written.

So Here Are My Thoughts

The full pantheon abdicating! This is basically where I expected us to go. Since 39 it seems like the natural place for the story to be headed. Laura’s revelations, along with the Daddy Forgive Us special made it clear that the only way out of the game was not to play it. I was kinda luke warm on that concept, but it made sense for where the story was at that point. I was waiting to see how it actually played out before getting fussy about it.

I give him a C for execution here. Maybe a C+.

I thought Dio’s moment was great. Jon’s was beautiful. Inanna’s I definitely could have gotten behind if he’d actually gotten to have any of that arc on the page instead of getting put on a bus 30 chapters ago.

The rest range from “meh” to “yikes.”

I could have liked this, I wanted to like this. Given how much “OKAY” has been miles more thoughtful than Mothering Invention, I was genuinely hoping to like this. I would have loved to see these kids find something more important than godhood to live for. But that’s not what we got.

We did get them realizing that being a god is not worth dying for. Which is good! And essential! And basically the central conceit of this comic!

But.

But...

I really wanted to see our cast value their lives period. And while there was some of that, there was far more of seeing them be humbled. We saw them beaten down until they had no choice but to admit they Were Not Special (or at least, were not as special as they thought). I was hoping for them to find a capacity to value their lives because their lives have value whether or not they are special, but instead it was a story about being humbled, and I guess to me, I just can’t see that what young queer artists need is help being humbled. They need help being valued as people, they need the internal presence of self to command that value be respected, and they need the external support to give them a fighting chance at that. And not to be That Fan, but that fighting chance doesn’t come from individual actions. It comes from worker solidarity and respect for labor as labor. It just doesn’t work for me to have a series around the exploitation and consumption of young talent and leave anything material about money and labor practices out of the material.

(McKelvie’s My (6000 F) pantheon has unionized joke, but unironically.)

Anyway this comic was all about Don’t Let This Happen To You. And that’s a good start, but I was hoping for it to be so much more than that. It could be that this is me looking at WicDiv and wanting it to say something broader about specialness and creativity and mental illness and exploitation.

(There’s a lot to be unpacked wrt presenting itself as a story about the whole world through all of human history, while also intending to be psuedoautobiographical for a very specific set of circumstances. But that’s not this post.)

It’s weird because like, Fandemonium already delivered masterfully on Laura learning to value herself outside of godhood. Laura’s last pre-apoptheosis soliloquy about “I can’t save any of them, but I can still help them” was one of those wham moments that really cemented this book’s place in my heart. Living through Fandemonium and realizing that the gods were people, and needed actual love and support from people who cared about them as people, and that just being a decent friend is something worth living for, fuck!! That’s good shit!! That’s fucking excellent!!

And for the rest of WicDiv’s run, I was always waiting for the story to get back to that place, but it never really did.

(ETA AFTER 45 IS OUT: ok fine I fucking love that Laura saved Luci. Big Gay Hero Girl drags naughty non-devil out of hell and they kiss, fucking A+. But “can’t save but CAN help” is still something I wish the comic had followed up on more. The friendship thing got touched on a little bit too, but never in a way I found as satisfying as Fandemonium.)

So anyway Luci going Full Diva. Her future is this and her future is nothing.

The longer I chew on it, the more I like it, and the more it seems like the inevitable place for Elanor Rigby’s story to go. It’s a good continuation from where we last saw her have any scrap of agency, but also frustrating in that “the lat time we saw her have any scrap of agency” was basically the entire comic ago. It was jarring to have her go from [One Sassy Line Per Issue] to [Maybe I’m The Final Boss]. Her story suffered deeply suffered from all the time she spent off screen. But despite all that, I’m very much really looking forward to whatever the fuck Laura Wilson’s going to do about this.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up for Talk Her Down ending. It seems perfectly in line with this series to end with the moral of “sometimes, no matter how kind or brave or caring you are, people you love pick their addictions over living.” That’s a song I’ve already heard live and in person, and I don’t really want or need to hear anyone else’s studio cover.

Uh final thought on 43 is.... Minanke DOES seem to count herself as part of the 12, which still lines up with my Emily Was Also A Fake God theory (Fauxmaterasu theory? Nokami hypothesis? Amaterasuspicion?) but it does seem unlikely to actually be a Thing between now and the epilogue. shrug.

(ETA AGAIN: I had to write out my feelings on 39 and Laura’s own abdication (unpotheosis?) to properly respond to 43. So here’s a draft of another unpublished post that I fleshed out.)

I have extremely mixed feelings about chapter 39.

First Feeling: thank fuck the pregnancy plot is over.

Second feeling: establishing abdication as an option established a nice overarching shape to this book. Things have felt directionless for many chapters, but this does make it seem like we are back on some kind of track.

Third Feeling: kinda liking abdication as a general direction for endgame. For most of the series, I was hoping the whole that there actually was Something Important about the recurrence, but since it's clear now that it’s basically all lies, I like this this angle well enough.

Strongest Feeling: hell fucking yes to Laura’s shaved head.

(Tangential Feeling: buzzing your own head is good and you should think about doing it. Doing it for catharsis in a moment of crisis is A-OK, but I did it once just because I felt like it and it was fucking great. banishing your high maintenance hair does not cure depression, but it does give you back an hour of personal upkeep every day and the fuzzy head is wonderful to touch.)

Contrary to most of the fandom, though, I absolutely loathed Laura’s monologue here, and the context that it puts around her not-choice. There’s a lot of shitty Hot Takes out there about how mental illness and addition and creation intersect. A lot of people will suggest that being unhealthy makes you a better artist, and what’s more that being a better artist is worth being unhealthy. This series is unambiguously and steadfastly against that message, which is one of the absolute best and most important things about it! I don’t want to diminish that.

But that all said, seeing Laura alone in the dark describing “an addicts moment of clarity” was... jesus it was all kinds of personally painful and upsetting. It hurt real bad, and not in the way I though I had agreed to be hurt. And I’m not sure how to spell out why.

I have thousands and thousands of words on why it struck such a sour cord in me, but a lions share can be summed up with “fuck absolutely every story where a Troubled Girl just needed to get traumatized/humiliated/humbled enough to Realize How Bad She Was Being.” Double fuck this one in particular for showing the girl getting over addiction/mental illness by literally sitting alone in the dark thinking about how much she fucked up. That story is tired, and cruel, and dangerous, and thank Christ I encountered this comic at 30 and not 19 because I would have swallowed it down with all the other poison that Helpful Adults fed me.

But yeah though, her shaved look is fucking adorable as shit. Neither she nor Britany made any hair mistakes.

ETA ULTIMATE: That last bit is the one thing in this post I don’t quite still stand by. By the end, it’s clear that the above wasn’t at all the story this book was trying to tell at all. I thought WicDiv was trying to tell some Epic Truths, Hard-Facts-About-Human-Nature shit. But despite the sweeping setup (All Across The World and Through All Of History) the book was using a complex allegory for a very specific situation (Selling Your Soul and Name and Life To Creative-Industrial Machines), and that made it muddy.

(Insert Principal Skinner meme here “Am I out of touch? Was I simply interrogating the text from the wrong perspective? No, it’s the original creators who are wrong!”)

I’m from a family of mentally ill, addiction-prone, recovering-Catholic artists. Laura is in my blood. Half the people I love are Laura. I have Laura’s painting on my wall and her books on my shelf. I’ve sat with Laura’s mother a few years after Laura’s death, as her father now slowly dying in the next room, and listened to her music for the first time. (It was good. It was really good. And I never even knew.)

These experiences colored my read, but how could they not?

I do now, I think, understand what Gillen was trying to say- the addiction he was talking about was to stardom, the attention and accolades, and free pass to make your own shit be everyone else’s problem. I understand now that the “art” that the gods made was always supposed to be Not Real Art, that there was no true “message” from their songs- all noise, no signal. It was never about Laura’s art, or even Laura as an artist. And that was unpleasant to reconcile.

Because when you're Laura, or Elanor, or any of them, life doesn’t have to grant your ill-advised wish before it fucks your head and kills you. Sometimes you fight as hard as you can with every fiber of your being and you’re still in Hell. Sometimes you’re doing all the Meetings and self-reflection and therapy you can manage and you’re still a Destroyer. But the shit you create while you’re down there is worthy of creating. What you do with your too-short, too-fucked time matters. A fucked up life was still worth living because it was your life to live. And... I guess, from the story presented in Faust Act and Fandemonium, I sort of thought that this was what WicDiv was supposed to be talking about. I thought it was going to be about doing something good even when life is fucking you. But instead it is a cautionary tale that that suggests you could have stopped getting fucked at any time if you had just gotten over yourself and said the magic words.

We spent half the comic watching Laura drag herself through the mud. Half the comic was focused on Her Mistakes, when so little of her circumstances were actually her fault. “Punish Ophelia until she gets over herself” is not at all what WicDiv meant to be about. I imagine the creators would be aghast to hear that’s what I got out of it. But the text is what the text is. While it is intended (and successful!) at being many other very good things, this one really bad thing is still part of that mix, and that sucks.

Maybe I should have picked up on the discrepancy between my read and the intent sooner. Probably I should have just done myself a favor and stop reading once I did.

2016, 2017 while my life was going a bit to shit, this comic was exactly what I needed. Being in the fandom made my life better and helped me meet cool new friends and get through some of the hardest shit to happen to me since I was a kid. Then in 2018, it slid into source of frustration and soured promise. Now at the end I have no idea if I liked it or not.

But that’s fine, now that it’s done. The ink is dry, the ritual is over. It’s just a comic book now. Some pictures I still love and some words I don’t always agree with. A lot of noise, arguable amounts of signal, but not a song I want to play on loop anymore.

I have no real conclusion to draw here. I respect at how firmly WicDiv rejects dark and unhealthy parts of being a professional creator- especially unhealthy things that are generally just accepted as Common Wisdom. I don’t think it took enough care in spelling out what it was rejecting, though, and I do think it was remiss in not finding good healthy things to embrace as an alternative.

All of the above notwithstanding, I have to give it credit for delivering almost exactly what I wanted in terms of lesbian nonsense. That ain’t nothing.

I give this series ?????/∞ and am happy to be safely clear of Kieron Gillen’s Wild Ride

#wicdiv #wicdiv spoilers #somewhat negative #its a mixed bag tbh

15 notes · View notes