#clueless james potter

[closedownregulus]

Prompt: Feb 14th - Lips | 1183 words | @jegulus-microfic part two , three and four :)

Barty Crouch is an idiot. The first time James came to this conclusion he was only 11 years old and Barty was refusing to give him back his football cause “football is not for losers, weirdo”, since then, the thought crosses his mind from time to time – Barty Crouch is an idiot. Not only an idiot, but also stupid, not only fucking stupid, but also deadass ugly, not only ugly, he is also an arrogant piece of shit, not only that, he’s also a- argh, James could go on and on about all of Barty Crouch’s flaws, he could go for hours, days, damn, even weeks if someone gave him the time of day to do so. Honestly, he can’t think of one good thing to say about the guy, nonetheless, Regulus’ been kissing him senseless for the past 7 minutes – not that James is counting or anything – seeming fucking dead set on finding Barty’s hidden qualities, if he has any, in the inside of the boy's mouth. Not that James cares that his best friend’s baby brother has been snogging the most annoying man to ever walk earth for 7 minutes and 36 fucking seconds, like they´re stuck in a game of 7 minutes in heaven or something, or, more accurately to James, 7 minutes and 49 seconds in the deepest pit of hell – not that he’s counting (whatever).

Part of him, the hopeful part, is kind of holding on to the idea that this is some weird kind of practical joke Regulus is playing on Barty, he knows James' football story, maybe that’s the way he’s found to revenge him, making Barty fall in love with him and then leaving the guy tormented by the memory of a kiss with a boy he’ll never be able to have playing in loop in his head. Part of him, the protective part, hates that fucking Barty Crouch has even the memory of a kiss to play in loop in his head, part of him wants to yank it off. Part of him, ugh, part of him is scared that Regulus is not some boy Barty can’t have. Part of him – the possessive, petty and kinda insane part – hates that it’s Barty instead of James, who has known Regulus for years, he’d know what to do to make him feel good, he’s sure he’d figure out the right buttons to push in a matter of seconds. Instead, it’s another person in what should be his place, touching Regulus in places James never will, running his tongue over his lips and tasting Regulus in ways that James will never be able to – he hates to think about the sounds that he’s dragging out of Regulus, sounds that he’s getting to hear, swallow, save for later. Fuck. James might kill the fucking guy.

It’s not like James wants to be in Barty’s place - or whatever, it’s more of a protective big brother's best friend thing, he’d rather kill himself than actually kiss Sirius’ baby brother, it’s literally the most disgusting thought that could ever cross his mind ever, literally. Which, if he’s being totally honest, it does from time, but it only causes him to experience the deepest feeling of disgust, he can literally feel his stomach doing weird loops and stuff, which can only be translated to pure and utter repulse, literally. It’s not like it’s a recurring thing or anything, it’s just that he’s a fucking 17-year-old, of course the idea of kissing people he’s always hanging out with is gonna come to him out of fucking nowhere. And like, Regulus does have this freakish pink lips that look really soft and it's kinda hard to not stare at them when he's been going on and on for hours about some book he's recently read, specially when he keeps biting his lower lip every five minutes before saying the next sentence. Not that the thought crosses his mind in a weird, out of ordinary, creepy constancy or anything, really. It's just, you know, your ordinary 17 year old boy next door normal amount of thinking about kissing your best friend’s brother – which he doesn’t by the away, just, rarely, sometimes, in a daily basis, rarely.

The point is, James is Sirius’ best friend, and Regulus is Sirius’ baby brother, James remember him as a toddler, with his big grey eyes and messy dark hair all over the place, so of course he’s gonna be concerned about Regulus’ well being and not want him to snog some dumbass just cause he found the free time to do so. He wants Regulus to be with someone that is worthy of him, not that James can think of anyone that managed to meet the criteria so far, or that ever will. Well, if he stops to think about it, in an ideal world Regulus would grow old alone and a virgin, but is that really so bad? James will visit him everyday and they’ll play videogames and do star wars marathons. Fuck it. He’ll even listen to Regulus talk about his pretentious books and let him put his depressing emo music, he already does that all the time anyway, he might even sing some of the lyrics that he’s already learned from having to listen to it every time they hang out. Well, and if from time to time Regulus happens to feel kinda alone and horny, James would even be ok to helping him out with that, you know, in the sole interest of keeping him away from losers. If that’s what it takes to save Sirius from having to endure life as the brother in law of some dumb, ugly idiot, James doesn’t mind sacrificing himself for his best friend, call him a fucking altruist if you will.

James bets Barty Crouch has never touched a single episode of Star Wars, or a book in that matter, maybe he can’t even read anything with more than fifty pages or pay attention to any movie that's longer than one hour. Also, he doesn’t look like the kind of guy who’ll be able to appreciate Regulus’ music and try to actually understand and connect with the lyrics, which is the most important part to Regulus, he’ll probably try and change subjects every time Regulus tries to explain his interpretation. Basically, James is pretty sure they don’t even have anything in common to talk about, they won’t even be able to have a proper conversation! What are they gonna do? Just kiss the whole time they’re together? Every single minute without stopping so they can avoid awkward silence breaks? Ha.

The thought makes James want to instantly puke.

He hates this party, but he doesn’t want to, actually, he can’t, leave Regulus here with this idiot to do to him whatever the hell he pleases out of James sight. Fuck. He doesn’t even want to think about that. He hates absolutely everything that’s happening right now, but, most of all, he hates Barty Crouch. The reason? Barty Crouch is an idiot.

And he stole James’ football.

[veesstar0555]

regulus: what does it mean when james calls me his “boyfriend”?

barty:

barty: … that you’re dating?

regulus: THAT WE ARE WHAT?? FOR HOW LONG?

barty: you have GOT to be kidding me.

[nothingtoseeherebyeexx]

why can’t you see?? you belong with meee

lily thinks she’s in love with james.

she also thinks mary and james are dating.

she doesn’t know that mary and james had gotten closer bc she’d found him snogging the school’s volleyball team libero (regulus black) behind the bleachers.

(i might write this)

[a-great-big-tragedy]

Fics where James gives Sirius relationship advice while he’s pinning over Reggie and doing nothing about it:

[my-castles-crumbling]

Sirius, staring: Have you ever noticed that Moony has the most beautiful eyes?

James, nodding: Sure! They're all brown, like....chocolate!

-

Sirius, a bit dreamily: Prongs, Moony has the most amazing smile. D'you see how it makes his whole face light up?

James, happily: Yeah, it's cool to see him happy!

-

Sirius, contemplating deeply: Moony is probably the most attractive person at Hogwarts. Like really anyone who dates him is the luckiest person on the planet, you know?

James, considering: I mean, yeah, he's such a good friend, anyone would be lucky to date him.

-

Sirius, red-faced and distracted, watching Remus lift something heavy: D'you ever think about what it would be like to shag Moony? He'd probably be very dominant, you know?

James, finally a bit uncomfortable: I mean...he is a werewolf.

-

James, walking in on Sirius and Remus kissing: Wait, Sirius, you like Remus?

[adharastarlight]

Sirius, sneaking away from Remus' bed at 3am.

James: Sirius Orion Black, why are you awake???

Sirius: ...why are you awake?

James, hiding Reg under his duvet: well, goodnight.

[spinderella-umbrella]

@wolfstarmicrofic | Riddikulus | 500 words

Note: Mature themes; references to sex

Remus sucks his teeth- he hears the Slytherins before he sees them; tone snide, as it almost always is. They turn the corner and ahead Rosier sneers, but Crouch’s’ eyes light up with mischief when he sees them.

Crouch extends his neck showing off the collection of dark bruises to his housemate, running a painted nail along the littering of marks.

“Black’s part vampire, I’m telling you.” Crouch says, eyes not leaving Sirius.

Remus had been pretty sure that Regulus was queer but it seemed pretty rude to out him to his brother like that. Remus eyes Sirius warily, his hand inching towards his wand-just in case.

“Funny, I seem to recall it was you doing the sucking.” Sirius retorts, making a crude gesture with his fist to his mouth and his tongue in his cheek.

Did he walk in on his brother getting a blowie? Awkward.

James gasps audibly next to Sirius and backhands his arm, “No way!” He says, gaping, and Remus is officially confused.

Sirius rolls his eyes and closes his hands around James’ arm. “Let’s go.” He tugs to keep them moving.

Peter, is somehow in this instance faster on the uptake than Remus is, because as they begin moving past the Slytherins he bursts, “Pads did you hook up with Barty?” In a loud whisper.

And Remus misses a step, tripping and very embarrassingly being caught and steadied by Sirius- grey eyes looking Remus over to make sure he was okay before letting go.

“He did!” Barty calls after them. Did only seconds pass? It had felt much longer.

Remus turns back to the other boys with a frown as Barty continues- “Seems to have a thing for blondes with daddy issues!”

And then he winks. He winks at Remus- it’s undeniable- and Remus’ face flushes with heat because does he know that Remus has a giant crush on Sirius? Is he taking the piss? Rubbing it in that he’ll never have him? That Sirius would rather fuck Barty Crouch than even look at Remus romantically?

It’s his panic that stops him from catching Sirius’ arm before he casts the spell—Riddikulus of all things.

Barty’s hair turns green, sprouting out and straight up like a troll doll, his nose growing comically large, brown eyes bulging. Sirius laughs, loud and with glee, and Remus can’t help the chuckle that leaves him as Barty’s hand flies to his face, his mouth open in shock.

“Fix this!” He demands of Sirius, but they’re already backing away at a run.

“Sorry Crouch!” Sirius shouts over his shoulder as he turns and runs with the marauders, Rosier too busy laughing to be of any help.

“He’s probably not going to forgive you for that,” Remus comments as they slow to a walk.

Sirius grins. “Probably not, no. He wasn’t the blonde I was looking for, anywho.”

Remus’ brows furrow in confusion, but before he can ask, Sirius is heading into their next class and taking a seat next to James.

[james-sunshine-potter]

“I want to brainwash you into loving me forever”

But it’s Regulus just not knowing how to flirt with James so he’s compromising.

[jehcee]

Sirius: you are an ass

James: Am I just any ass or regulus' ass?

Sirius: anything.. How does it matter? Well maybe more like regulus' ass (thinks that's an insult)

James: oh my god you just flirted with me!!

James: (screaming) Moony padfoot said I'm hot!!!

Sirius: what do u mean? When did I say that?

Sirius (realising) : hey what's going on here! Explain.

James is in trouble now.

[seven-ruins-it]

Lily coming out as trans to James

“If you could have any name, what would it be?”

“Oh. I guess I’d stick with James.”

“Really?” She made a face.

“Hey! I take offence to that,” James said, knowing his smile betrayed him.

“No but, seriously though, like, you don’t have any nickname you wish had stuck around, or- like you’ve never thought about it?”

James, seeing how this seemed to genuinely matter to his friend, thought about it. “I guess not. I mean, my uncle used to call me Jamie?“

“That’s cute.“

“Cute?” James teased, raising his eyebrows. Flirting as a joke was still okay, right? Just sort of bros being sort of bros. The eyeroll and hint of a blush high on her cheekbones answered for him. As long as he didn’t make things weird. He relented.

“But I’m fine with James. Why do you ask?”

“Oh.” The playfulness suddenly dropped from his friend’s countenance, she seemed to be second guessing himself. “No reason.”

“Well obviously there is, you’re doing that thing.”

“What thing?”

“The-” James mimicked her ducking her head. “You do it when you’re hiding something.”

She met his gaze, covertly biting her bottom lip, uncertain. 

Softly, painfully gently in true James Potter fashion, he tried again. “What did you really want to talk about? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to now, but you can tell me anything.” 

She still seemed hesitant. “Like, even if you asked me about names because you’ve freshly murdered someone and we’re going on the run. I could be John, and you could be... August. Or Cedar, that’s nicer. Or whatever name you’d want! It’d have to be a common one though, we wouldn’t want to alert-”

“Lily.”

“No-- James, who’s-,” James choked out in confusion.

Then: 

"Oh. Oh."

“Yeah. Oh.” He’d never seen his friend look less self-assured, downright nervous.

“You- you want to be called Lily? Like, without the murder?”

Lily fiddled with the edge of her shirt but looked James straight in the eye. “Yes.“

“In a- I mean that’s a-  you’re-”

“I'm a girl, James,” Lily clarified. Then, she visibly let go of something to speak. “I've always been one, it's just that I got tired of waiting for the world to catch up with that.”

Before James had a chance to react she continued, faster and faster. “And I know there’s a lot of stuff out there about people like me, but all of it is just ignorant hateful bullshit, and I figured since you were raised in a city and you're nice and kind and one of my best mates maybe you'd be the first to understand, I mean, not the first, since you don't know what it's actually like, but, oh my god please say something.” She inhaled sharply, breath catching up with her.

“Lily. Like the flower?”

The worry melted off her like snow, her shoulders dropping.

“Yes. I figured if being trans wouldn’t get me disowned, dropping the family theme would.”

“Lily,” he said again, trying out the vowels like a new shoe. He scooted forward to grab her hand and smiled meaningfully. “That’s a beautiful name, it suits you. And of course I support you.“

Sunshine breaks out on her face. “Thanks, Potter.”

“A lot of things are making sense now, actually,” James said without thinking, because of course he did.

Her eyebrow made a light crease. “Like what?“

Like how I only identified as bi so liking you would make sense. Like how I’ve weirdly thought of you as a girl from the moment I met you. “It has always felt kind of weird for you to be in the same locker room.” is what he decides on saying out loud.

She chuckled ruefully and dropped his hand to fidget with her ring. “For you it’s weird, for me it’s terrifying, it’s why I’ve started changing in the bathroom.”

James couldn’t contain his reaction. “That’s why? We all thought you had a weird birthmark you were embarrassed about or something!,” he said, because of course he did.

They sat with those confessions for a moment before bursting into laughter. “That’s- so - that’s so fucked- up,” Lily managed to get out between bouts of laughter. James was doubled over, head buried in his hands. “We didn’t know! We didn’t-”

 The patter of rain on the window had slowed. James, catching his breath, was about to comment on it when they heard the sound of keys turning in the door and startled.

“I should probably-” Lily started. “You could stay if you-” James began at the same time. Neither continued.

Then Remus was pushing the door open and their eyes shot to him. He was looking worse for wear. His short curls were darkened and plastered to his forehead, his mouth hanging slightly open so as not to breathe in the rainwater which was dripping a decent sized puddle onto their floor from his very much non-water-resistant sweater and pants. James cringed.

Remus, or the soaked sweater cosplaying as him, just stared into the middle distance with a slightly lost expression. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He then promptly peeled off his sweater to toss it on the floor with a thud and disappeared with a towel, presumably off to the showers to warm up.

“Poor sod.”

“He’ll dry,” James said. Lily turned back to him.

“I really ought to go now.” She got up and James belatedly copied her, following her the two metres to the door. “Oh, one more thing.” She turned around, James awkwardly bumping into her. They apologised at the same time and stepped away.

“Right, er, just, please don’t tell anyone else about. You’re the first person I’ve told, like, ever.”

James the hand not holding the doorknob and swiped his thumb tenderly over her freckled knuckles. 

“Thank you for telling me, Lily. Really. I’m honoured. And I won’t breathe a word.”

She smiled before kissing him on the cheek. While she was walking down the hall towards the staircase, James was left in the doorframe, his face still feeling the brush of her skin against it as if it’d left a mark. 

[monsteryesweare]

James, singing : 'We built this city, We built this city on rock and roll"

Sirius: What song is that?

James: I don't know, its moony's playlist

[wolfstarshipping]

It's cold outside (1788 words) by Remustrash Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

post hogwarts, bed sharing trope

Summary: Remus is in the habit of staying the night at Sirius', even though there is only one bed which they inevitably have to share (what a pity!). Also, Sirius doesn't mind.

Comment: This was such a sweet and fluffy bed sharing fic, I really enjoyed reading it, it's one of those tropes I'll never grow tired of and I love how oblivious they both are in this fic!

[veesstar0555]

effie: okay james, i think you are old enough to call the doctor on your own now honey.

james: calling doctor

james: im book appointment, i need a stomach ache. because i have a james.

effie:

fleamont: right then.

[lilyevansml]

Sirius: FIVE MONTHS-

James: What’s up with him now?

Remus, trying not to laugh: It’s really not that big a deal I promise

Sirius: THATS HOW LONG YOU STOOD BY AND WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE PLANT?!??! I NAMED HIM MOONY!!!

[delachaise]

Severus says FUCK being a side character

by SkylerSkyhigh, Tereox_X

Summary:

As James Potter readies himself to fight the dark lord, he doesn't expect the footsteps to stop. He doesn't expect the scream with no indication of a spell being cast.

The thing he does not expect in the least though, is walking into the hallway to see none other than Severus Snape, a bloodied knife in his hand.

Notes:

Alternative title: Feral Severus

[adharastarlight]

Lily: where are the other two idiots?

James: oh, Rem is teaching Si how to play chess

Lily:

Marlene:

Regulus:

Peter:

Dorcas:

Barty:

Pandora:

Mary:

Evan:

Marls: who's going to tell him?

Reg: um, love, my brother's been playing chess for years

James Oblivious Potter: then what have they been doing up there each night for the past month!?