#compulsive behavior

[portraitsofsaints]

Saint Bernardine of Siena

1380-1444

Feast day: May 20

Patronage: advertising, compulsive behavior, public relations, gambling addicts, chest problems, Italy, San Bernardino, California

Saint Bernardine was a 15th-century Franciscan preacher, known as the “Apostle of Italy” and of "the Holy Name of Jesus”. He devised the Greek symbol, IHS, for the name of Jesus. In his youth, he cared for Siena's plague-stricken patients. In 1404, he was ordained a priest, and 12 years later, he started preaching. His sermons attracted thousands to conversion. Pray for us, St. Bernardine, that we may always choose to speak Jesus’ name with reverence and choose words of love over words of shame.

Prints, plaques & holy cards available for purchase. (website)

[storytellerslense]

JJ Maybank character analysis

How parentification shaped JJ's personality

Part 2

Victim role, low self-esteem and compulsive caregiving

Especially in the first season of Outer Banks there are moments where JJ is not fully respected by his friends, the Pogues, and he often accepts this dismissive treatment. For instance, his ideas are frequently brushed off, and he is called names like "dumbass," reinforcing his belief that he is not valued or taken seriously. JJ tolerates this treatment, likely due to his low self-esteem and his desperate need to maintain these relationships, as flawed as they may be.

Additionally, JJ voluntarily gets himself into situations where he simply can't win, exemplifying his compulsive caregiving and martyr complex. For example, he confronts a group of Kooks alone to defend his friends, even though he knows he is outnumbered and likely to lose the fight. This behavior underscores his willingness to sacrifice himself for the sake of others, even when it is detrimental to his own well-being. He also constantly highlights how the Kooks have the advantage, which, while often true, also shows how he puts himself in the victim role more than the other Pogues.

JJ's low self-esteem is most poignantly visible in his interactions with Kiara in Season 3 Episode 4.

JJ feels uncomfortable when Kiara is getting close to him

When Kiara confesses her love for him, JJ's immediate reaction is to dismiss it. Kiara tries to confront him again, reminding him of an affectionate moment on the boat where they almost kissed. But JJ shrugs her off, recollecting the moment as "just weird", later admitting that he has issues getting close to someone.

Considering that JJ probably had a lifelong experience with parentification, it has caused him to prioritize others' needs over his own, leading to poorly developed emotional boundaries and a lack of understanding of his own desires. Coupled with his low self-esteem from his abusive upbringing, JJ struggles to believe he deserves love and affection. So when faced with Kiara's romantic interest, he feels confused and uncomfortable, questioning his worthiness and feeling that someone as stable as Kiara couldn't genuinely want to be with him.

Another point is that the potential relationship with Kiara represents a significant change and requires vulnerability, which JJ finds unsettling due to his need to always be strong and in control. This internal conflict makes the near-kiss feel strange and out of place for him. When admitting to his feeling of unworthiness, describing it as "not even having a home or parents" Kiara offers him help, which he refuses, illustrating once again his difficulty in accepting care from others.

JJ's low self-esteem and compulsive caregiving are deeply rooted in his responsibility thrust upon him from a young age and the lack of nurturing from his father which led JJ to develop a skewed sense of self-worth, believing that his value lies in what he can do for others rather than who he is. However, this can also expose JJ to extreme stress and anxiety. This is notably seen when JJ and John B. encounter smugglers threatening Miss Lana at her house in Season 1, Episode 2.

JJ's decision not to help Miss Lana once the smugglers are gone can be attributed to a combination of emotional overload, psychological exhaustion, and his complex relationship with trust and authority.

Contrary to his usual impulsive and confrontational nature, JJ experiences an anxiety attack, urging John B. to leave rather than confront the danger. This reaction can be interpreted as a symptom of his chronic stress and trauma of having experienced his abusive father. The sound of someone being beaten and threatened might evoke a generalized trauma response, leading to anxiety and a desire to escape the situation. This reaction could be seen as a form of PTSD, where certain triggers cause an overwhelming urge to flee rather than fight.

******I am sorry. This time I had to hurry and I wanted to get this done before going on holiday tomorrow. Thanks you so much your support, for reposting and giving me thumbs up!!! I find JJ to be a very interesting character with surprisingly much depth for a series like Outer Banks, probably because he is portrayed most relatable and realistic. If you have any other suggestions and ideas on what to do next, let me know.******

[deepinsamsara]

Here's an idea:

Instead of doing that thing?

Just sit still.

[mental-mona]

We don't do compulsive behaviors because we lack willpower. We do them because it's the only way we know how to self soothe. Soothing is an instinctual behavior, not a moral one.

- Dr. Nicole Lepera

[daphnix]

its crazy how spending money makes me feel alive again. any money that comes in comes out so quickly, i have this emotional NEED that blocks all rational thinking

[janesmission]

Compulsive Behavior: Causes, Effects, and Proven Strategies to Overcome It

Compulsive behavior is a psychological pattern characterized by repetitive, irresistible urges to perform certain actions, often in response to stress, anxiety, or underlying mental health conditions. While some compulsions are relatively harmless, such as nail-biting or excessive handwashing, others can be more severe and interfere with daily life. Understanding the root causes of compulsive…

[favorhealthcareservicesllc]

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is often misunderstood as a condition solely characterized by an irrational fear of dirt or germs. However, the reality is far more complex. OCD encompasses a wide range of intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that significantly impact an individual’s daily life. Let’s delve deeper into this misunderstood mental health condition.

[traumagenica]

*through gritted teeth* regression is fine. it is a natural part of the healing process, which is not linear nor instant. it's okay that my tooth brushing compulsions are coming back- my dentist will be so proud of me! this is a good thing. this is not a bad thing. we can cope with this. this is fine.

[gincat]

im too lazy to talk cant i just show my psychiatrist my tumblr account ?

[crazycatmilo]

I definitely headcanon that Martin developed some kind of germaphobia after his initial run in with Prentiss. Cleaning things compulsively, checking his food thoroughly to make sure it’s clear of worms, feeling unclean and trying to clean himself off more than necessary, etc. The archives staff eventually realize what’s going on but aren’t really sure how to handle it. It takes him quite a while to recover from the effects of it, even after Prentiss’s death

[sforzesco]

Ippolita & Ascanio :)

ascanio has a rabbit because I cannot. stop thinking. about this letter ippolita sent.

Ippolita Maria Sforza, Duchess and Hostage in Renaissance Naples: Letters and Orations, ed. and translated by DIana Robin and Lynn Lara Westwater

like. that baby brother sentiment is not going to stay when you both grow older and it's kind of devastating to me

[kodasea]

Transparent

[ocdculture-is]

ocd culture is having a chronically online twitter user in your head on full blast

OCD culture is

[schizophrenic-klept-hoe-maniac]

More hauls from the past month

Total: too much to count anymore

[brookesophelias]

notes game... c:

every note = one day free from of skin picking

rules:

at max ten notes per person

max five tags per person

bonus: leave your fave tips/routines for clear and/or healthy skin

[distinctlywhumpthing]

Fresh Start

cw: panic attack, obsessive/compulsive behaviors. leo's usual dubious/clueless caretaker vibes. tiny mention of aiden's self-destructive behaviors. shaky trust being tested, my beloved.

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Movement sends pain radiating through Leo’s back and shoulder. His memory connects the discomfort to the hospital recliner and he bolts upright. 

But they’re home. Safe. 

He’s just paying the price for deciding to sleep on the floor outside Aiden’s room after a bought of anxiety convinced him he wouldn’t be able to hear if Aiden needed him. He—

Aiden’s bed is empty. 

His mind races through worst-case scenarios, heart tripping along to keep pace but as soon as he fully turns around, Aiden is right there. Curled up on the hardwood, no pillow or blanket, just shy of reaching the doorway. Fallen out of bed? Collapsed? Had Leo slept through him needing help after all? He reaches for his shoulder. What if— 

“Aiden? Aiden?” 

The kid startles awake, a small gasp escaping his lips as he clumsily but quickly straightens to kneel. Dark eyes wide even as he blinks away sleep. He crosses his arms, hand cradled carefully in the center of his chest. 

“What happened? Why were you on the floor?” 

“I—I—mmm…mmm…” He shakes his head and lowers his gaze. Not a good sign. “Mmm’sorry—I’m’sorry—” 

 “Are the stitches okay? Is there blood on the bandages? Are you in any pain?” Leo reaches for him and Aiden flinches back, hard. Now he’s certain something is wrong. 

“Mmm’good,” Aiden says, voice wavering. He still won’t make eye contact and he’s slowly, almost imperceptibly inching away from Leo. 

“Did something happen? We’ll call Delia if we need to. I just have to see that you’re okay.” He reaches for him and again Aiden cowers back. He hits the futon frame and whimpers. 

The sound strikes another cord of fear in Leo, doubling his panic. “You’re not in trouble but if the stitches tore or you’re in pain, I need to know.” 

Aiden swallows. “I—I—mmm…mmm…” 

Leo strains to hear him at all and considers just grabbing him. He has to see— 

“I—I—” Aiden shakes his head, gaze still lowered. His hands tremble as he lifts his arms, turning them toward Leo. 

It’s the most anguished surrender he’s ever seen.  

“Hey, woah. Look at me, it’s okay.” 

Aiden lifts his chin. For a split second, his expression looks incredulous before its replaced by a more familiar one of distrust and fear. 

But it was enough. 

The kid’s not even breathing, eyes filmed with tears as he obediently holds Leo’s gaze. 

You’re scaring the shit out of him.

Leo pushes himself back quicker than necessary, earning another flinch from Aiden who crosses his arms back over his chest protectively, curling against the bed frame. Leo moves to sit in the doorway, heart still pumping adrenaline through his veins, and tries to focus on his breath. 

Aiden watches him with open wariness. As defensive as day one. 

This is supposed to be a fresh start, their second chance. In the six weeks since finding Aiden in the snow, Leo succeeded in isolating him and not much else. And here he is, only driving that wedge deeper. He’s supposed to be better equipped now that he’s not completely ignorant but it doesn’t seem to make a goddamn lick of difference. Leo should have admitted months ago that he wasn’t right for this but his selfish denial carried them way past the point of return.

Too little too late isn’t going to cut it anymore. The kid deserves more. Someone who’s going to fucking listen to him. Someone he can trust and rely on. He’s going to need so much support. He can’t shower without wrapping his arms and hand, which he can’t do himself. He’ll need help changing the bandages. Not to mention the antibiotics. He probably never slept well to begin with, if last night is any indication. He barely eats. He was hurting himself all along right under Leo’s nose. He fucking tried to—

Aiden sounds like he’s trying to breathe through a straw, inhales shorter and shorter. Leo looks over to find Aiden already watching him, brow furrowed. 

When Aiden tilts his head, Leo realizes it’s him. 

He’s the one gasping like all the oxygen has been sucked from the room. 

Great.

“I’m sorry,” he forces out, but it’s barely audible. “I just—I need—” 

He stumbles down the hall, sparing both of them from a backward glance, and shuts himself in the bathroom. 

Leaning against the door is no good, he feels pinned there by the pressure in his chest. 

God, like he just cornered Aiden. 

He fumbles to turn on the sink, hands shaking. His fingers feel like precarious stacks of marbles rather than joints, skin slick from perspiration. Why did he have to replace the valve with stupid spoke handles? It takes a few tries before he can cup his hands together to hold onto any water. Given how little he’s breathing, the first splash feels like he’s waterboarding himself. He straightens, gasping and sputtering, but the innate reaction overrides his anxiety and he manages to pull in some deeper breaths. He keeps his hands under the tap and forces focus on the sensation of the cold water against his skin, the air in his lungs. 

One, two, three, four…one, two, three, four…

The panic recedes the more he breathes but guilt is quick to fill the vacancy. He doesn’t know what he was thinking, letting his prescription run out. He’s useless when he’s like this. 

His hands still shake as he twists off the faucet, nerves wrung out and cold. He avoids his reflection and turns to leaning against the counter while he towels his hands dry. His phone’s almost dead from not being charged all night. He stares at the chat with Delia, his string of blue bubbles filling the right side, unanswered. The last one, “What time do you get off today?” is a poor cover for his real question, “How soon can you come over?” Without hesitation, his anxiety is all too happy to supply countless awful explanations for why she hasn’t had three fucking seconds to send a single thumbs up in the last six hours. His pulse steps up again, his fingertips start to tingle. 

Leo drops his phone back into his pocket and scrubs his face with his hands, forces another few rounds of deep breaths. There’s a headache building right behind his eyes. More sleep will help but he has to take care of Aiden first. Starting with an apology. 

He finally turns to meet his tired, bloodshot eyes in the mirror. The lines of his face, deepened by exhaustion, make him look like he’s pushing forty and the fact that he hasn’t shaved since last weekend isn’t exactly helping. He scratches the corner of his jaw where there are a few traitorous white hairs. When he reaches for his toothbrush, he knows he’s stalling but how will he even start explaining his reaction to Aiden? 

At some point, he replaced his toothbrush on the charging stand and started washing his hands. Based on the suds caught in the drain, he already washed them more than once. He can’t get stuck here, not now. His heart starts rushing again and his throat feels tight, panic and frustration balling in his chest. How many times has this happened in the last day alone? 

“It hasn’t been this bad for years,” he whispers in his defense to nobody. 

But he still can’t stop. Not yet. He meets his eyes in the mirror again, ignoring the flare of self-pity and disgust. Just one more time, he tells himself, trying to believe it. 

Four pumps of soap. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…

The door opens and he immediately loses count; isn’t sure if he wasn’t finished yet or if he’d already started over again. Aiden peeks through the crack, crease between his brow telling Leo he’s also biting his lip. When Leo meets his gaze in the mirror, Aiden ducks back into the hallway. 

Shit. 

Aiden wouldn’t have taken such a liberty without knocking first, probably more than once and only then after Leo was in here for way too long. Another total failure for the list. But at least it was enough to knock him out of the loop. 

The poor kid looks like he’s expecting a hell of a lot more than Leo suggesting breakfast when he comes out into the hall. He’s pressed against the span of wall between the top of the stairs and Leo’s bedroom. Not quite adjacent to where Leo stands in the bathroom door but clearly trying to find some middle ground that isn’t retreating to his room at the end of the hall. 

Leo buys them both a little space by turning to the washer and dryer to switch their laundry from last night. He wonders if Aiden notices the two extra towels he used when he needed more than one shower to feel like he could sleep. God, he’s completely unraveling. 

Aiden is no more relaxed when Leo faces him again. 

“Aiden, look—” he says at the same time Aiden says, “M’sorry.”

He holds up a hand and Aiden flinches. 

Well, that’s about right after what he pulled. But man, if it’s not a kick in the gut while he’s down. To make matters worse, Aiden seems to think it’s his responsibility to set things right after being subjected to Leo’s irrational panic. His guilt starts to turn in to a physical ache in his chest.  

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Aiden watches him carefully like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, long fingers worrying the cuffs of the hoodie. “You’re not in trouble,” Leo adds, taking a note from Delia. “Just finding you on the floor—” 

“Mmm….you…w-w-w—” Aiden shakes his head, swallows. “Mmm…here…” Leo waits but Aiden doesn’t say anything else, just huffs out a little sigh of exasperation before letting his gaze slide to rest on Leo’s make-shift bed. Which of course he tidied, blanket neatly folded and pillow set on top. His eyes lift to dance around Leo’s face, searching for some sign that he’s getting it. 

“I was sleeping here…” Leo feels obtuse stating the basest fact he can pull out of this exchange but Aiden nods. 

“I—my—” He scrunches his face up and shakes his head. He’s pinching and pulling at the cuffs of his sleeves now, grip tightening. He swallows hard twice before he tries again. “I’mmm…you…here…” 

“You…” Leo hopes he’s not taking too far of a leap. “...moved onto the floor when you saw me there?”  

Aiden turns his head away like he’s expecting to be slapped, gives a tiny nod. 

“That’s okay, it’s okay,” Leo says quickly. “But you didn’t have to sleep on the floor just because I was. Anyway, that runner is actually pretty thick, I—” Aiden bites his lips together like he wants to say something else. “What is it?” 

He knots his fingers together then separates them after a quick glance up at Leo, smoothing them against his thighs. “I—I—mmm…” He takes a deliberate step closer, halving the space between them. Does it with the air of stepping up to the chopping block. He waits for Leo to connect the dots. When he doesn’t, he lifts one of his hands, stopping just shy of brushing the back of Leo’s, before letting it fall again and tucking both behind his back. 

“Oh.” 

Despite his countless missteps, Aiden wanted to be closer to him. 

“Well, that’s okay.” When he realizes it sounds like giving permission he amends, “I mean, of course it’s okay. You can do whatever you want. Sleep wherever you want.” 

Aiden furrows his brow.  

“Sorry. I just mean— We never— I was worried—” Leo takes a breath. “You…” Cried yourself to sleep in my arms. “...fell asleep and I didn’t know if you wanted me to stay. I didn’t want you to be surprised when you woke up.” He sighs. “But I guess you were anyway…” 

Aiden shakes his head. “S’okay.” 

This kid would let him get away with murder…and then try to apologize like he invented death. Leo has to learn to get out ahead of these things if they’re ever going to have a chance.

“Were you—Did you have bad dreams or…” 

He lifts one shoulder in a half-shrug but doesn’t meet Leo’s gaze. 

“We’ll figure something out for tonight, yeah?” 

Aiden nods. He keeps his eyes down but he’s dropped his shoulders from his ears, hands in the pocket of the hoodie. Leo wants to wrap him up in a hug, make sure knows he was never in trouble, and tell him he never has to sleep alone again if he doesn’t want to. 

“I shouldn’t have freaked out like that,” he blurts instead. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”

Dark eyes search his. 

“It’s just— I panicked and I wasn’t thinking straight. After last night— After everything— It’s worse when I haven’t slept enough but it’s not your fault. It has nothing to do with you—” This word-vomit explanation is doing him no favors but he can’t seem to stop. “I promise it won’t happen again. I just want to make sure you know you didn’t do anything wrong, it was all me and I’m going to—” 

Aiden opens his mouth and closes it again. 

“What?” 

He shakes his head, dropping his gaze. 

Leo scrubs a hand over his face. “Short story long, I’m sorry for panicking.” 

Aiden peeks up at him then looks down again. Slow and deliberate, he pulls his good hand out of his pocket. He keeps it low, arm bent just enough to allow him to turn his palm up. A suggestion of an invitation, rather than an overt one, and one that could easily be missed.

Leo can’t help but smile as he squeezes Aiden’s fingers. 

Now Aiden ducks his chin against his chest in a good way. Not quite smiling but almost. 

“How about some breakfast?” 

“Mmm’yeah…mmm’thank…you…” Aiden parses the words carefully.

“Eggs and toast sound okay? I think we’re out of bacon.” 

Aiden nods. “Mhm.” 

He’s agreeing too quickly, making himself easy and accommodating. Is it because he’s afraid or does he think he has something to make up for? Either way, it feels like backward progress and Leo wonders all over again how he will ever rise to this occasion. 

But he can think of worse ways to spend the rest of the day than trying to get a real smile out of Aiden. So at least he has somewhere to start.

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@octopus-reactivated @maracujatangerine @nick-pascal @whumpy-writings @cracked-porcelain-princess

@meetmeinhellcroutons @briars7 @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @jo-doe-seeking-inspo @neuro-whump

@painsandconfusion @wolfeyedwitch @skyhawkwolf @haro-whumps @onlybadendings

@peachy-panic @fillthedarkvoid @rabass @crystalquartzwhump @dont-touch-my-soup

@mylifeisonthebookshelf @hold-him-down @guachipongo @creetchure @leyswhumpdump

@aseasonwithclarasblog @catawhumpus @magziemakeswhatever @pigeonwhumps @batfacedliar-yetagain

@whumpinthepot @dustypinetree @whump-in-progress @pirefyrelight @whumps-and-bumps

@i-eat-worlds @hellodecisionparalysis @heartfullofhoney @alternateminds @taterswhump