#crack treated seriously LMAOOO

[niko-jpeg]

Have you ever wanted an evil cartoon hedgehog god to accidentally strand himself in your dimension, leaving you to help him back home? Have you ever wondered what a “Mephiles the Dork” would look like? Do you like silly plotless fics? Well then I have the story for you! Returning to my roots with 2nd person and everything. Enjoy <33

(Ideas borrowed from @rabbitsonthemoon tee hee)

[thelove-ablepenguin]

If I had a nickel for every fandom who had a:

Very smart, high-tech billionaire

with no parents

who adopted

and put those adoptees through specialized training

and in different uniforms

to help keep his city safe

from costumed goofballs

I would have TWO nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened (at least) twice.

[silverflqmes]

໒⦂ 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐂𝐒.

notes. reposted from wp!

genre. fluff + crack

ft. tooru oikawa, ryuunosuke tanaka, osamu miya, yu nishinoya, hajime iwaizumi

female implied reader but no specified pronouns were used so could be gn too

➫    𝓞𝗜𝗞𝗔𝗪𝗔   𝓣𝗢𝗢𝗥𝗨   ୨୧   ˎˊ˗

⌗ ok the idea of kids for oikawa is just >>

⌗ LOVES YOU SM && IS THE SWEETEST TO YOUR KID && SO UNDERSTANDING LIKE PLEASEEEE HXJDKDKD

⌗ your kid likes him more because he shares his milkbread with them && spoils them completely with gifts🧍‍♀️

⌗ "y/n-channn it's not my fault they like me more than their own mother😝"

⌗ loves you equally as much as your child && would do anything to keep you both happy; if he finds the father eeeek sorry for that unfortunate soul who bouta receive the wrath of oikawa LMAOOOO

⌗ you asked oikawa to watch your kid for the day while you went for a job interview && he ended up showing them the entire star wars franchise🧍‍♀️ when you came home they were all like "hello there"

⌗ also annoys you 24/7 abt having more kids cuz he wants yours to have a buddy😭 but also cuz he-

⌗ "y/n-chan pLEASE WE JUST NEED FIVE MORE FOR A TEAM🥺"

⌗ "I SAID NO >:("

➫    𝓣𝗔𝗡𝗔𝗞𝗔   𝓡𝗬𝗨𝗨𝗡𝗢𝗦𝗨𝗞𝗘   ୨୧   ˎˊ˗

⌗  at first- you didn't tell ryu about your kid cuz you were afraid he wouldn't wanna see you anymore, but ofc he found out-

⌗ he wasn't mad or anything, he was just awestruck && uH- tearing up a bit cuz your baby is just so cute🙈

⌗ "can i hold them🥺"

⌗ dhdjksk he's so gentle with you && your kid, always making sure to treat you both so sweetly with extra love && care ❤️

⌗ tanaka can't cook unfortunately- but he makes up for it by playing all the time with your kid && taking them out to the park && stuff, yk?

⌗ definitely picnics together awww

⌗ talks about his volleyball adventures with you guys && how they took down a bunch of "shitty boys"

⌗ you yelled at him for that one when your kid started saying "shwitty boys" LMAOOO

⌗ y'all would totally be a badass family ngl, i can see y'all walkin into the mall w shades n sum kinna dorky matching shirts w the baby in the stroller, shades on n a bottle in one hand LMAOAOAO

➫    𝓜𝗜𝗬𝗔   𝓞𝗦𝗔𝗠𝗨   ୨୧   ˎˊ˗

⌗ ngl 'samu was awkward at first with the idea of kids, so warming up took a bit eeek

⌗ but once he did- my gosh was he so sexy to watch; like girl watching him put the baby to sleep with a story made your heart soar && the way he speaks so softly >>>>

⌗ HE COOKS, LOTSA ONIGIRI

⌗ not that you mind, but damn he makes loads of diff kinds of dishes that are sooo immaculate

⌗  'tsumu comes over every now && then to visit && he's all like 🥺🥺

⌗ "OH! y/n-chan, seems like they like me more than 'samu HAHHAHAHAHA"

⌗ you just laugh at their back to back banters about who was better && the baby just giggles, clapping their hands together which just makes the boys melt ahhh

⌗ "stupid 'tsumu.. y/n, yer seriously not going for that piss head, right?" idk i feel like he'd ask at you at some point if he's feeling a little down

⌗ "why would i when his brother is all i need && what our sweet little one needs as well?" eeek he felt so touched xhsjskks he could almost cry but he didn't ofc👨‍🦽

➫    𝓝𝗜𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗢𝗬𝗔   𝓨𝗨   ୨୧   ˎˊ˗

⌗ CHAOS.

⌗ okay when nishinoya saw that you had a kid he was like a kid on christmas day; he was so damn excited he nearly tore down the entire house LMAOOO

⌗ ngl he gives your kid more attention than you sometimes🧍‍♀️there's either two reactions you can have here: either you're giggling at how adorable that is or you're jealous asl LMAOOOO

⌗ good luck in the bedroom later noya🤠

⌗ ANYWAY- although he's always playing with your kid, he always offers for you to join && together you all play cute little games or with toys, depending on their preference && stuff like that yk

⌗ cannot cook && do not allow this man ANYWHERE near the kitchen OR your baby- cuz girl one day you left nishinoya w your kid while you shopped for groceries && you came home to an italian dinner gone wrong😐😐

⌗ "y/n-cHaN pLEaSe- WE WERE JUST MAKING YOU A LOVELY DINNER DON'T TAKE THE POPSICLES AWAAAAYY!!1!1!"

⌗ "if you didn't eat the last oreo, then i woulda been more forgiving, now hurry up so i can make something edible🙄"

⌗ that entire night both noya n your kid follow you around like lost puppies on sum 🥺🥺

➫    𝓘𝗪𝗔𝗜𝗭𝗨𝗠𝗜   𝓗𝗔𝗝𝗜𝗠𝗘   ୨୧   ˎˊ˗

⌗ NGL IWA'S THE REAL MOM HERE LMAOOO ITS YOUR KID BUT HE'S BETTER AT THE MOTHER ROLE

⌗ you had reason to believe this had to do with his previous affiliations with volleyball🚴‍♀️

⌗ always takes care of both of you, cooks, cleans && just shdjsks he literally does everything to make you feel as if you're both on cloud nine

⌗ oikawa invites himself over a lot to your house to play with the kid eeeek iwa gets annoyed sometimes, but he appreciates the company && your kid's always like "papa, isn't he from tv?? the volleyball player who kicked your team's butt!"

⌗ iwa glares at oikawa cuz he knows he prolly said sumn && oiks jus smirks before giving your kid the sweetest smile && the teary eyes LMAOOOOO

⌗ you laugh at this && just to annoy hajime you allow tooru to join you all for dinner && he goes on abt how iwa used to be as a child && teen, stuff like thatt

⌗ lowkey your boyfie gets embarrassed LMAOO YOU'D CERTAINLY GET IT TONIGHT

⌗ "haj but his stories about you both were so cuteee, please let him come over more! he can even babysit too while you and i do something special.. y'know🥺👉👈"

⌗ "ughhh, fine. but you owe me a lot i hope you know! especially if he gets to hangout with them all day," he's very much attached to your kid && it shows dhjsksksks

notes. single mom headcanons was cool and all.. but single dad hcs sound kinda nice too🤭 maybe after exams..

↳ return to main masterlist . request rules . send an ask

[sayruq]

It’s almost 2022 and you Martell stans and Daenerys haters are still acting like Elia is a spicy brown woman from Westerosi MENA and throwing around terms like “Valyrian Eugenics” 💀 Stanning that dead non-character isn’t a replacement for real material activism against racism and imperialism nor is it a cop out of white privilege LOL.

Especially when you stan Aegon VI (who looks a lot like Rhaegar and desires to wed his aunt, how ironic 😂😁). Seriously you are actually insane and stupid if you think Aegon will retake on behalf of the Martells, can you tell me when these idiots ruled Westeros ??? Aegon is a conqueror looking to reclaim Westeros because he’s Rhaegar’s son, and will rule as a Targaryen king. Neither Aegon nor Daenerys gives a shit about Elia. ‘Did the Dornish woman treat him so ill ?’ LMAOOO.

please put down the crack pipe, there's no reason to a have meltdown just because us martell stans chose to acknowledge canon that:

the martells are people of colour who are based on real groups in our world, primarily from the SWANA region. this isn't complicated. asoiaf is a fictional series and the author was influenced by real events and real peoples in our world. there is no north africa in fictional planetos but there are regions based on north africa like slaver's bay, dorne, the rhoynar empire, etc.

aegon does not give a shit about rhaegar or dany. as soon as tyrion told him that the marriage that jon, varys and illyrio wanted for aegon won't pan out, aegon convinced the best sellsword company in the world to forget about dany and meereen and invade westeros on his behalf

just because dany doesn't care about elia doesn't mean that aegon doesn't care about her. that quote came from dany and dany alone, not aegon. they are 2 separate characters, on top of that they've never met so they don't share a single opinion on elia.

finally, aegon is going to marry the heir to the dornish seat, arianne and together they will be the rulers of westeros, a position that dorne held when mariah married daeron ii and a position that elia was supposed to hold had she not married the dumbest motherfucker on the planet. i know dornish history is too complicated for you but at least try to remember targaryen history

elia is the most important aspect in aegon's conquest. he was smuggled out by elia, he was raised with 2 orphans of the greenblood, dorne is a key aspect of aegon's conquest and dorne isn't sending its army in rhaegar's name.

it tickles me how threatened you rhaegar stans are by elia.

[ao3feed-izuku-midoriya]

Midori Analysis & Support Co.

Midori Analysis & Support Co. by wawaka

To be completely honest, Izuku forgot his own little predicament until his father asked him to come to America so he could be there for the grand opening of the newest branch of the Midori company.

He was so excited to see his dad that he didn't even think to tell any of his friends before hopping on a plane with his mother. Honestly, his mom was the only reason he remembered to call in and report his absence to U.A. (although Nedzu seemed a bit too understanding).

And then he came back to U.A. where Aizawa-sensei decided everyone needed to learn more about support gear for their next unit.

He almost laughed.

But, to be fair, Izuku really didn't mean to start up an international support company and proceed to hide it from everyone.

Words: 13023, Chapters: 1/2, Language: English

Series: Part 8 of Izuku-Centric One Shots, Part 4 of Genius & Chaotic Midoriya Izuku

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen, Other

Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Inko, Midoriya Hisashi, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Bakugou Katsuki, Hatsume Mei, Dabi | Todoroki Touya, Kaminari Denki, Class 1-A, Class 1-H, Maijima Higari | Power Loader, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Snipe, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Nedzu

Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Inko & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Hisashi/Midoriya Inko, Midoriya Hisashi & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku, Hatsume Mei & Midoriya Izuku, Dabi | Todoroki Touya & Midoriya Izuku, Class 1-A & Midoriya Izuku, Maijima Higari | Power Loader & Midoriya Izuku

Additional Tags: Sensei | All For One is Not Midoriya Hisashi, Quirkless Midoriya Izuku, BAMF Midoriya Izuku, Smart Midoriya Izuku, Hatsume Mei is a Good Friend, BAMF Hatsume Mei, Yagi Toshinori | All Might Being an Idiot, hes a good mentor tho, hes jus not smart with his health, Snarky Midoriya Izuku, when he's comfortable, Dabi | Todoroki Touya is Not a Villain, Midoriya Izuku is a Little Shit, Hatsume Mei is a Little Shit, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead is So Done, Good Parent Midoriya Inko, Good Parent Midoriya Hisashi, i think this is my first fic I make them both good, lmaooo, Bakugou Katsuki Redemption, kinda…I just ignore their issues in school, its fine, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, The Author Regrets Nothing, Midoriya Izuku Is A Secret CEO, Kinda, Midoriya Izuku Has One for All Quirk, LATER, Fluff, Angst, ???, Crack Treated Seriously, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, canon went out the goddamn window and got ran over on the highway, Cheeky Midoriya Izuku, Dabi | Todoroki Touya is So Done, lmao Dabi is jus there so Izu has someone to be cryptic towards

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39929046

[awesomefringey]

(Disclaimer: Crack, Do Not Treat Seriously) Maybe the reason DM seems to be changing tune re: O/HO is because louis got annoyed about the constant engagement/pregnancy rumours and pays dm better than O 💀

Lmaooo…

[queeenpersephone]

Hi! How do you feel about Alina/Darkling/Kaz?

Suggested line: “One million kruge? You’re worth at least thirty times that!”

lmaooo ily for giving me this prompt!! and it's now complete! and the very definition of crack treated seriously <3

a ring around the moon | 5.6k | alina/darkling/kaz

Alina has never fit in with other Ravkans. She’s half-Shu, she’s confrontational where most girls stay silent, and she has only one other person in the world who cares if she lives or dies.

So being born with two soulmarks instead of the much more typical one is unsurprising.

Also unsurprising: though she is not so unlucky as to get a “Hello” or “Nice to meet you,” both marks are vague enough to give her no clues about the identity of her soulmates.

What are you?

Miss Starkova, we’re to escort you to dinner. Would you come with us, please?

The first in neat, confident lettering, the second in a barely legible scrawl. She must assume that her first soulmate is prejudiced against Shu, and her second delusional, because she will never be the type of woman to require escorting to dinner.

What she cannot assume: that someone in her circumstances - alone, unloved - would ever be lucky enough to find happiness.

-

“What… are you?”

The General of the Second Army, the Darkling, the most powerful Grisha in the world, is staring at her like she is the most interesting thing in a room of far more interesting and powerful people. And he just said her words.

All thoughts of the events on the skiff fade for a blissful moment as she studies the man before her. At least he is not commenting on her race. That is one point in his favor.

She watches his face carefully, preparing for any sign that this man bears her mark. Perhaps that is the tragedy? He will be her soulmate, and then he will reject her when he discovers she is not Grisha. “I am only a mapmaker, Sir.”

Her breath catches at the slight change in his expression. His eyes widen, then narrow, ignoring the soft laughter that breaks out in the tent. She gives him a small nod, and as if mirroring her, he nods firmly.

“Everyone out,” he demands, and the tent empties in seconds. He strides toward her, indicating her left arm. She pulls up the sleeves on the right instead, unties the protective band.

What are you?

The Darkling takes a deep breath, gaze running over his neat handwriting on her arm. “Well, Alina,” he purrs, his eyes alight with hunger and triumph. He no longer says it like he is demanding something from a soldier. Instead, his voice is soft, cajoling. “Will you answer my question?”

She opens her mouth to deny everything, the events, the light - but, well, if she is truly the soulmate of a Shadow Summoner, could she…?

“I don’t know,” she replies finally. Truthfully.

He considers her words with a soft smirk. “A fair response,” he says. “Do you know what I believe you to be?” She nods, and he smiles. “Then you understand,” he continues, darkening the tent with shadows, “why I must make certain.”

He catches her hands in his, and when she feels the rush of the bond and something else, she finds that she glows.

Seconds later, the Darkling sighs and pulls her into his arms.

[read the rest on ao3]

[ultraviolet-ink]

DGS!!

Japanese trio + Barok!!!

Ryuu 1) Sexuality: Bisexual! 2) OTP: We all know it's Ryuususa lol <3 3) BroTP: I love his interactions with Sherlock, especially the dance of deductions! Those are my favorite parts of the game! 4) NoTP: I'm going to get a lot of flack for this omgggg As/Ryu/.... It's a lovely ship, I'm sure I would have loved it, but I've had some choice interactions with some of the more..... entitled..... fans, so it's just got a bitter taste in my mouth 5) Headcanon: The man is JACKED. So this is semi canon, but he's really in Kyudou, and I like to think that nobody thinks he would be due to his permanent baby face syndrome but he is JACKED 6) Second-Hand Embarrassment: That little "tap" he does when he's not confident, never fails to make me cackle 7) Relatable Moment: I relate to his impostor syndrome a lot, especially on my bad days, but despite it all, I try my best to power through, there's always a brighter day <3 8) Cinnamon Roll! ^-^ Susato 1) Sexuality: Bisexual because I project onto my faves lol 2) OTP: Ryuususa! 3) BroTP: I love her interactions with Iris! Not only is it a fangirl's dream, they also have those fun sister vibes, and I think it's really adorabl! 4) NoTP: More flack lmaooo Sus/Ha/, once again, entitled people have put an otherwise lovely ship on my "I would rather not" list 5) Headcanon: She gets to be an attorney in her own right! After years of activism, and debate, and proving herself, she gets to be an attorney with her own name! 6) Second-Hand Embarrassment: The Susato Takedown was funny the first few times, but then it started to get flanderized ^^" 7) Relatable Moment: I am a fangirl, and I really love the Sherlock Holmes stories (Baskervilles is my favorite!). I'm a huge bookworm, and I'm trying to get back into reading for fun! 8) CINNAMON ROLL Kazuma 1) Sexuality: Queer 2) OTP: ..... I kind of have a crack ship but other than that, I don't really have an OTP for him lmaoo 3) BroTP: Ryuu's relationship is something that is so interesting to explore. They care for each other greatly, words can hardly describe it (I mean, I'm not BLIND, I see it all lol), and I really do think there's a lot I can explore there! 4) NoTP: As/Ryu/ 5) Headcanon: Modern!AU Kazuma would SO be into the Steel Samurai, and unironically 6) Second-Hand Embarrassment: The way he treated Ryuu and Susato in the latter half of DGS 2.... they deserve to be mad because that treatment is unacceptable no matter what :T (He might actually be more chill in the localization, this is going off of the subbed playthrough I watched, so I might change my opinion) 7) Relatable Moment: I am also a rude bitch with floofy hair 8) Sinnamon Roll Barok 1) Sexuality: Demiromantic Demisexual 2) OTP: Hell yeah I will do OC x Canon, because it's my blog and my sandbox and my barbie dolls to mash together! I'm very attatched and I hope to introduce this OC sometime in the near future when I get around to working on an AU I've been planning! If I had to choose canon, it's Sherlock, solely for the bitter ex boyfriend vibes XD 3) BroTP: Benjamin/Albert! I think he deserves an unhinged mad scientist friend... as a treat 4) NoTP: None really come to mind...? I guess Vortex x Barok? It's a really interesting ship, and an interesting dynamic, and I think anyone who writes for it is braver and more creative than me! ^-^ I guess NoTP is a little strong... I don't think I could do it justice, so it's kind of a "meh *shrug*" ship 5) Headcanon: He's left-handed, especially when you see where his sword is! He can write with his right-hand because Victorian Era schooling was just like that (tm), but he doesn't like it. He uses his right-hand for official documents, but his left for personal letters and notes! 6) Second-Hand Embarrassment: I mean, yeah, the racism. I think that's par for the course when you are a 21st century person looking in at a work that is supposed to take place over 100 years prior. 7) Relatable Moment: I, too, am a depressed ass goth ass bitch who desperately wants to be a vampire. In all seriousness, he's a very lonely character, and I do

relate to that a lot, especially with current events.... he reminds me of how I was during my hardest days, so I guess it's why he's a major comfort character for me.... granted I use him as my personal punching bag soooo there's that? XD 8) Problematic Fave (affectionate)

[jingabitch]

His Holy Waters

SUMMARY: You need to be punished to atone for your sins.

PAIRING: priest!seokjin x reader

RATING: E

WARNINGS: smut | whipping | paddling | watersports | blasphemy lmao | seriously this is messed up | jin calls her a slut | degradation? | unprotected sex

WORD COUNT: 2.5k

A/N: dedicated to @kpopyandere​ as payment for services rendered. unbeta-ed because i was too embarrassed to send this to any of my betas lmaooo.

“Father.” Your voice was breathy as you knelt, your head bowed. “Father, forgive me, for I have sinned.”

“My child.” The priest’s voice was calm as he rested his hand on the top of your head, his thumb pressing into your forehead. “What ails you?”

“Father,” you said, looking up at him. Tears of distress pooled in your eyes. “I keep having… indecent thoughts.”

Father Seokjin hummed thoughtfully. “That is a sin indeed, my child. Your soul needs to be cleansed.”

Your eyes closed in relief, causing the tears to spill over your cheeks. “Thank you, Father,” you gushed.

The hand on your head travelled down your face, tilting your chin up. His thumb now pressed into your lips, pushing them into your teeth so hard you worried they’d bleed. Silly, really – by the time Seokjin was done with you, that would be the least of your worries.

“I commend your bravery in coming to me, my child. I will help you overcome your sin,” he said, and you were captivated by the benevolent, calm expression on his face, so incongruent with the way his fingers gripped your face hard.

Truth be told, you knew the drill by now. Father Seokjin belonged to an ancient, secret sect that still believed in the old practices like flagellation. And maybe, just maybe, you enjoyed it a little too much, came to church to confess your sins every week like a good girl.

Father Seokjin knew; he could sense a kindred spirit. You enjoyed the blows that rained down on your body as much as he enjoyed giving them, loved when he was rough with you in the name of cleansing your soul. You were sinful, dirty, perverted – but so was he. In a different life, perhaps, where he hadn’t taken a sacred vow, you could belong to each other, but in this one, all you had were stolen, fleeting moments.

“Thank you, Father,” you breathed, your eyes wide as you stared up at him adoringly. Your Father, your savior.

He smiled back down at you, then pushed your face away from him with a flick of his wrist so your head turned against your will. “You don’t deserve to look at me,” he bit out, the strict, harsh tone causing flames to lick at your insides.

“Yes, Father.” Your voice trembled as you righted yourself, looking down at your lap where your hands were fisting in your skirt. You were dressed, as always, impeccably, in one of your favourite dresses today. None of it mattered to Seokjin, though. The expensive clothes and accessories you loved so much were just another sin in his eyes, and if you were being honest, you persisted in bringing your Hermès bags with you to church because you knew it upset him.

“Strip.” His voice brooked no disobedience, and you followed his instructions almost instinctively, reaching for the zipper on the back of your dress. Seokjin watched you impassively, not making any move to help you. That was normal – you draped your dress over the edge of the pew, listening and hoping that he’d have some sort of reaction to the lingerie you were wearing. You knew the sheer red lace set looked good on you, but if he thought so too, he didn’t give anything away.

Finally, you took off the undergarments as well, pouting a little at his stoicism. When you were completely undressed, you returned to his feet and knelt with your head bowed, your hands resting on your thighs, palms up. “I am ready, Father,” you said quietly.

Instead of answering you, he stepped away, to the nondescript cabinet he kept by the altar. All his equipment was there – the paddles, whips, canes. You wondered if his other followers enjoyed this treatment as much as you did. Honestly, you wouldn’t know, but it did seem that you were the one who came the most regularly.

Humming thoughtfully to himself, Seokjin perused the tools at his disposal before selecting a paddle and a whip. When he returned to you, however, he looked at the whip again before dropping it carelessly on the ground. No, he wouldn’t be needing that tonight.

Instead, he stood over you, the shadow from the altar candles behind him casting a shadow that fell over your body. Hesitantly, you looked up at him, not sure whether you were allowed to, and bit your lip at the way he towered over you.

“Undo my belt.” The simple instruction sent a shiver down your spine, and you were sure you were dripping on the floor. With trembling fingers, you reached up to his belt buckle, looking up at him again for validation. A single quirked brow let you know that he wasn’t impressed with your pace, and you swallowed hard as you undid the buckle, the sound of the leather sliding past the loops and the clink of the buckle loud in the quiet of the room.

When you pulled the belt free from the loops, it lay across your palms, looking so innocuous. You held it up to him, unable to tear your gaze away from his cold expression. There must be something wrong with you, you thought, that his judgmental look made you so hot.

Seokjin picked the belt off your hands, holding it near the buckle with his left hand as he ran his right along the leather. Stepping around you and out of your field of vision, you heard and felt him stop behind you, making the hair on the back of your neck rise.

“Look up at the Lord and repent,” Seokjin snapped at you, his voice low and raspy in the instant before he drew his arm back to hit you with the belt. The cracking sound of leather meeting flesh was almost deafening in your ears, and the pain that exploded across the welt that almost immediately raised across your back made you whimper. Still, you didn’t bow your head or close your eyes, your fingers digging into your bare thighs as you focused on repenting for your sins.

Blow after blow rained down on your bare skin, forcing whimpers and moans from your lips as your nails dug into your thighs. Tears filled your eyes but you didn’t move to wipe them away, even as your view of the altar blurred.

Eventually, he stopped – he didn’t want to, loving the way you shuddered and tensed, and the beautiful way the welts rose up across your skin, red and pink, a maze across your back. But any more and you would bleed, he could tell. The thought of drawing blood excited him like nothing else, but the last time he’d done that you hadn’t come back for three weeks while your wounds healed.

“Get up.” His dispassionate tone belied his arousal, and if you turned around, he knew you would be able to tell. His rapid breathing wasn’t just from the physical exertion, and despite having tucked himself into his waistband earlier to hide his inevitable erection, you were familiar enough with him now that you’d be able to read him.

You knew, of course, that he was turned on just as well as he did, but the pretense was part of the game you played.

As you bent over the pew, using your elbows to brace yourself, he feigned obliviousness to the arousal slicking your pussy, sticking to the unwritten script you both knew by heart.

“You know, you wouldn’t need to come so often if you weren’t such a little slut,” Seokjin told you disapprovingly. You dropped your head, pressing your face against your left arm, as you clenched involuntarily. You loved it when he called you a slut, adored the way the word rolled off his tongue with such disdain, like you were dirty, debased, sinful. The double meaning in his words wasn’t lost on you either.

“I’m sorry, Father,” you gasped against your arm. You had barely finished when he brought the paddle down on your ass, and the end of your sentence turned into a garbled cry.

“You have sinned against our Lord,” he hissed as he hit you again. As the wood made contact with your already inflamed skin, you jolted forward.

“Yes,” you said, blinking back the tears, although whether it was in agreement with what he’d said or a cry of exultation, neither of you knew.

As he continued striking you with the paddle, he continued explaining to you all the ways in which you were a filthy sinner, a disgrace to the Lord, and fuck, did you love it.

When he finally dropped the paddle, your ass was a bright, glowing shade of pink, matching the crisscrossed welts on your back perfectly. To Seokjin, this was the most beautiful he’d ever seen you – your perfect, smooth skin marked up by him.

You’d been punished enough for your sins, he declared, and you returned to your original kneeling position as he stood over you.

“My child,” he said in a soothing tone, signifying a change in the mood from earlier, “I will now cleanse your soul with the holy waters of mankind.”

Blinking up at him, you nodded eagerly. This was always your favourite part, where the warm liquid against your skin refreshed your spirit and washed away your sins. He smiled benevolently down at you, his arms hanging, relaxed, by his side.

You knew the drill – your fingers worked dexterously to undo his trousers, sliding the zipper down with a little shiver of anticipation. Seokjin was hard, as he usually was, and you bit your lip as you drew his erection out.

Seokjin smirked down at you. He knew what you were thinking; you were here because of your lustful nature, after all, and he had a nice cock – long, thick, flushed pink and with a pretty network of veins running down it. He’d give you a treat later, probably, but for right now, there was something else you needed.

“Please, Father,” you begged in that cute, broken voice, so desperate for him to cleanse your soul in the way that only he could. You were almost panting with desire, your mouth open and relaxed. Seokjin reached for his cock, stroking it just once as he schooled his expression so that he retained the serene look he always wore during service.

“Shh,” he cooed at you, his other hand resting on the top of your head, tilting it so that you faced upwards. With a beatific sigh, he relaxed his pelvic muscles and began pissing on you, admiring the way it ran in rivulets down your face and over your bare skin. He could see the impact it had on you, your body relaxing like the urine streaming down your body was leaching away all the stress and pain of your life.

It was almost enough to fool him into thinking that this was why he did it – purely to provide redemption for your soul.

You’d texted him earlier today to let him know that you were coming over, so he’d prepared well for tonight, and there was a lot, forming a puddle where you were kneeling. Halfway through, you tilted your head and opened your mouth a little more, and he aimed into your mouth, filling it up.

With the last bit he had in him, he pressed the tip of his cock to your forehead, drawing a cross right in the middle with the warm liquid. You shivered as you felt it, your eyes falling shut as you moaned. “Please…” you gasped helplessly.

“What is it, my child?”

Instead of answering him, you wrapped your hand around his and tugged slightly, pulling his erection down so you could wrap your lips around the tip of it. You suckled greedily, tasting the last few drops clinging to him and relishing the feel of his cock in your mouth, so warm and hard and full.

The hand on top of your head slipped down past your temple, his thumb pressing into your cheek as his fingers cradled your jaw. “You’re such a good girl,” he sighed, and you released his dick with a little pop to smile up at him.

“Do you feel better, my child?” he asked, and you nodded.

“Thank you, Father, for cleansing my soul,” you said, looking up at him with that worshipful gaze, and he felt his cock jump. You saw it, of course, and barely managed to bite back your smirk. He was so predictable sometimes.

Inevitably, you ended up on your hands and knees, still facing the altar, of course, as he pounded into you from behind. This was something he liked to claim was your ‘reward’ for being devout, but you both knew that it was as much a treat for him as it was for you. It was evident in the way he gripped your hips hard as he slammed into you, making the still-tender flesh of your bottom sting with pain that somehow enhanced the entire experience, in the breathless pants and grunts he couldn’t help but make as he fucked you.

“F—Father,” you pleaded, barely able to force the words out. “More, please.” You were so close, you just needed that little bit more to bring you over the edge.

“More?” His voice was similarly strained, the feel of your hot, slick pussy wrapped around him like a glove almost too much for him. Still, he had a role to play. “Greed is a sin, my child.”

“Please, please,” you mewled helplessly, unable to form more articulate sentences as he was fucking your brains out.

He huffed out a halfhearted laugh. “You’ll need to come back to absolve yourself of your new sins, child,” came the halfhearted admonishment. You both knew you’d be back next week anyway.

“Yes, Father,” you agreed eagerly, and obligingly, he reached around to press his fingers onto your clit, rubbing at it just so, his ability to discern exactly what you needed borne out of familiarity with your body.

“Cum on my cock then, you slut,” he hissed, and the dirtiness of his words, juxtaposed against the sight of the altar looming in front of you and how reserved and composed he’d been all evening did it for you. With a garbled moan, you came, clenching down on him repeatedly as you closed your eyes as the pleasure wracked your whole body.

Seokjin swore as he felt you tightening around him, his rhythm becoming erratic as he chased his own orgasm. “Fuck,” he groaned as it finally crashed over him, and he hunched over your body as his hips worked in half-aborted thrusts to milk out the last of his cum. When it was over, he lifted himself off you and collapsed on the ground next to you, uncaring of the mess he’d lain down in.

“I’m going to hell,” he sighed, looking up at you.

Your lips quirked into a half-smile. “See you there, then.”

[ao3feed-tomarrymort]

by ROSIERS

Four Generations; Four Wars: each generation more fucked up than the last, brought together by a dying Magic.

///

Riddle-Era:

The war against Grindelwald raged across mainland Europe. Sheltered in the safety of Hogwarts, the students realize they may not be all too protected when an attack hits far too close to home.

Marauder's-Era:

The First Wizarding War grows violent. Hogwarts is a political and actual battleground and nowhere is safe.

Golden-Era:

Voldemort has risen and all is not well. Umbridge wreaks havoc across Hogwarts, no one is safe.

Next-Gen:

Hogwarts is gone. Destroyed. A war against humanity wages across the world. Muggles vs Wizards and the muggles are winning. Hunted down to near extinction, nothing can save them. A far more dangerous evil lurks in the shadows, waiting to strike.

///

Magic is dying. She has gone through all possible scenarios and only one will save her - if, that is, they can put their differences aside and make it work.

Words: 337, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M

Characters: everyone, Harry Potter, Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s), Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Luna Lovegood, Ginny Weasley, Pansy Parkinson, Daphne Greengrass, Tracey Davis, Millicent Bulstrode, Neville Longbottom, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Bill Weasley, Percy Weasley, James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Bellatrix Black Lestrange, Narcissa Black Malfoy, Andromeda Black Tonks, Regulus Black, Rodolphus Lestrange, Rabastan Lestrange, Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadowes, Lily Evans Potter, Antonin Dolohov, Bartemius Crouch Jr., Alice Longbottom, Frank Longbottom, Evan Rosier, Amelia Bones, Mary Macdonald, Avery Jr. (Harry Potter), Mulciber Jr. (Harry Potter), Emma Vanity, Lucius Malfoy, Orion Black, Walburga Black, Abraxas Malfoy, Cygnus Black, Alphard Black, Lucretia Black Prewett, Dorea Black Potter, Charlus Potter, Lestrange Sr. (Harry Potter), Druella Rosier Black, Yaxley (Harry Potter), Avery Sr. (Harry Potter), Nott Sr. (Harry Potter), Travers (Harry Potter), Rosier Sr. (Harry Potter), Septimus Weasley, Augusta Longbottom, Cassiopeia Black, Cedrella Black Weasley, Victoire Weasley, Rose Weasley, Hugo Weasley, James Sirius Potter, Albus Severus Potter, Lily Luna Potter, Dominique Weasley, Louis Weasley, Molly Weasley, Lucy Weasley, Fred Weasley II, Roxanne Weasley, Scorpius Malfoy

Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Lestrange Sr./Original Female Character(s), Hermione Granger/Pansy Parkinson, Luna Lovegood/Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley/Blaise Zabini, Teddy Lupin/Victoire Weasley

Additional Tags: Time Travel, Crack Treated Seriously, ? not really crack, i guess, but just crazy plot, War, Fucked Up Characters, for real, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Pureblood Society (Harry Potter), Pureblood Politics (Harry Potter), Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Misguided Albus Dumbledore, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Angst, Romance, Hogwarts Inter-House Friendships, Hogwarts Inter-House Relationships, Hogwarts Inter-House Unity, eventually lmaooo, Riddle at Hogwarts Era, Marauders' Era, The Golden Trio Era (Harry Potter), Harry Potter Next Generation, Character Death, Alternate Universe, Character Development, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Explicit Language