#doesn't mean i don't start getting overwhelmed like always the emotions start to put their claws

[iftitah]

i think im getting better at living in the moment

[taisho-era-secrets]

Foreplay Headcanons for KNY Men

Just doing this for Kyojuro, Sanemi, and Obanai because I have these characters on my mind currently and I can't really come up for headcanons for the others, so I won't force it.

Kyojuro Rengoku

Kyojuro is a man who wholeheartedly believes that foreplay does not just start in the bedroom and that it's not just a physical thing. He believes that foreplay involves setting the mood and is an entire day's work. He'll will do anything to make you feel relaxed and ready for intimacy, both physically and mentally. It's almost a compulsive thing for him also, he can't just... go straight to the bed and get to it. He has to plan it all out and make sure that you're both absolutely ready.

He'll make sure the estate is clean, there is dinner prepared, and the linens are washed. This doesn't mean that it's perfect, by any means, but he at least gives it his all and puts every ounce of his passion into the task. Sure, he's not the best at cooking and he's not the best at cleaning, but this doesn't mean that he doesn't get better every time he does it.

However, when it comes to getting you undressed, this man freezes up at least for a few minutes every. single. time. He still gets flustered and a bit overwhelmed even if you've been intimate or naked around him for years. It will always be like new to him. Don't worry, he shakes it off quickly, but not before showering you with so many loud complements that it makes you also flustered. He's definitely a man that will thank you for taking the moment to be intimate with him before doing anything also, he's just a gentleman like that.

Sanemi Shinazugawa

I'm sorry to be the one to say this, but in my heart I know Sanemi would not be great at foreplay. At least, not at the beginning. He's a quick learner, he'll get there, but it's the mixture of his impatience and his insecurity over being intimate that causes him to really fumble the first few times. Not to mention, it's his natural instinct to constantly want to get things like this done quickly- you never know when an enemy could strike. It took a while not only to calm him of his own nerves, but to suppress his demon slayer mindset.

It really just took you two sitting on the futon and talking together to really break through that ice. The last thing he wanted was to hurt you, and you were both in a very vulnerable place- for you, physically but for him, emotionally. Sanemi isn't one to take things slow, but he will for you. And the desire to want to do better and to give you what you deserve overpowered those bad habits he had, but it was all very gradual and took a lot of patience. It took many nights of just... touching, nothing penetrating, his fingers tracing up your legs and hips.

He would actually be the one to admit he needed to step back and breathe. His breathing would be shaky, his palms and forehead sweaty, he knows this isn't something he can just fake through.

His brief style of foreplay is pretty permanent for him, but there are a few occasions that he really lets his guard down just enough to have longer moments of intimacy with you. Those are cherished, of course, but you always know that they don't just come out of the blue. There's always something that triggered him into needing to soak up more of you- a close call during a mission, something that reminded him of his deceased friends or family, etc. There's always more to it but you know better than to be nosey.

Obanai Iguro

Obanai is very similar to Sanemi when it comes to the emotional state he's in at the beginning, except he was a bit quicker to learn and prefers to linger a bit more with foreplay. He was more willing to put his own emotions aside because in the end, he wanted what you wanted- what you needed. It still took time, but eventually Obanai's method of foreplay became more apparent.

He prefers lingering touches throughout the day that give you the hint that he wants you in bed, and that build up is really exciting. He'll either invite himself out to do whatever it is you're doing or he'll ask if you'll accompany him for the day, then the real fun begins for him. He'll pretend to "accidentally" brush his hand up against yours, sit close enough to you to have your legs barely touching, or use any excuse to touch your face, neck, or back. If you mention it or try and call him out, you'll see the sides of his cheeks come up and his eyes squint at you, hinting at a little smile of amusement. He'd never make you uncomfortable, but he loves to tease you.

Obanai also does not like to tell you directly that he wants you, he wants you to figure it out on your own. It's a bonus if he gets you to say it out loud to him, his eyes widening a bit with both shock and arousal if his soft, occasional caresses get you to say that you want him.

Obanai is a fan of gentle touches when it comes to foreplay. He's very careful with you and went out of his way to learn about massage techniques just to make you more comfortable. He really enjoys control play being incorporated into foreplay too, whether it's bondage or teasing until the other tells them what they want. And this can switch around too, he enjoys cleansing the palate and letting you lead from time to time. Foreplay is his favorite part of being intimate for this reason, really lets him see different sides of you.

[astaroth1357]

Most to Least Likely to Cry After Sex

Okay so, this might be a personal thing on my end, but I have long kept a running list of characters that I believe would cry after having sex. It is a perfectly natural response and there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about if it happens ... though it is surprisingly entertaining to think about in terms of fictional characters. And of course, I have a list for OM as well.

Contents: Nsfw/suggestive, depending on your definition, but not explicit. Emotional vulnerability explored.

~♡♡♡~

Levi

I think anyone could see this coming. Levi almost certainly has cried or would cry after sex. And depending on what you're doing, he may even cry during sex too.

Bless his little heart, it is 100% because he is always riding an emotional rollercoaster of the highest highs and lowest lows. The realization that somebody out there actually wants to be intimate with him would send his whole body into a meltdown. Have patience.

Mammon

Also kind of a no-brainer. He's only a little less likely to cry than Levi because he's better at putting up a front when he really wants to.

Unlike others on the list, Mammon gets super embarrassed if he gets overwhelmed and cries after sex but he rarely tries to hide it. It's kind of his way of reaching out for more affection, he wants to be coddled and reassured that his partner accepts him no matter what. He thrives on unconditional love like that.

Satan

Hear me out. Satan is canonically a kinky little fucker, I don't think he would cry after an especially "playful" rendezvous. It would be the really soft and intimate moments that get him everytime.

We have to remember, he's still a little new to this whole "experiencing feelings" thing. An emotion as overpowering as love is going to flatten him like a steamroller. He won't even realize that he is crying until his tears start staining the sheets. Be gentle. Talk him through it. Again, it's perfectly natural if it happens.

Belphie

I think Belphie will cry for bratty purposes more than anything else. I am wholly convinced that he will cry on demand if it gets him what he wants.

Lord forbid the MC tries to go anywhere before Belphie is ready because he may just grab onto them and start the waterworks. If you could withstand the full force of a pouty, teary-eyed Belphie begging just "5 more minutes" of cuddling, you're a stronger person than I am.

Simeon

Only lower than the other guys by virtue of having quite the stranglehold on his inner emotions, but he will let them out if he's comfortable to do so.

Let me be clear, Simeon wants to cry everytime. He wants to lose himself completely in his partner and let it all wash over him. It's just the social and moral questions surrounding what's happening that keep him from doing so. (Poor thing #1)

Asmo

Another person who can cry on demand or just get overwhelmed, but it won't happen often.

Put quite simply, Asmo's been around the block. He has a pretty good handle on himself even during his come downs. However, he knows how much it could mean to your partner if you're willing to show that side of yourself to them. So if MC says/does something that genuinely touches him, he will cry without shame.

Diavolo

Would almost certainly get misty-eyed if he was with someone he truly cared about. He may not cry, but he'll have to rub his eyes some.

Make. The. Prince. Feel. Loved. The realization that he has someone that he doesn't have order or trick into staying around would floor him. He's far, far too well-versed in maintaining a certain image to fully breakdown, but those feelings would all still be there regardless.

Lucifer

Also gets misty-eyed, particularly after make-up sex.

He would rather sheath his own nails into the skin of his palms than get caught crying, but if he really screwed something up (and was willing to admit it) then he would get a little vulnerable in the moment. It would be fleeting, though.

Solomon

It can get to him a bit, he's a pretty lonely guy, but he's more likely to make a joke or say something out of the blue just to hide from his feelings.

I don't think Solomon quite lets himself ponder or self-reflect on things that genuinely upset him. He's very goal-driven and future-focused, so indulging in these softer moments would be foreign to him. If he ever feels like crying, he'll immediately try to distract from it rather than letting the feelings out. (Poor thing #2)

Beel

I just don't see him crying. He's very comfortable with himself, he doesn't really repress his emotions, and he knows he's well-liked and well-loved. Beel would be just fine.

It's not a Solomon situation, of course. Beel does self-refect and he genuinely engages with others. I just don't think this would be a shocking level of intimacy to him. He already loves others about this deeply to start with, so just expect a really smiley Beel!

Barbatos

To be clear, Barbatos can cry and he has cried before in his life. It just won't ever be after sex.

Similar to Solomon, I think Barbatos lives his life with a certain level of detachment from the world around him. He wouldn't get overwhlemed after sex because he can't. It's not that his mind is elsewhere, it's that he blocks himself from getting too emotionally invested in such things to begin with. (Poor thing #3)

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Timeless - Part 5: "We Really Were Timeless"

"I'm gonna love you when our hair is turnin' gray. We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made, and you'll say, 'Oh my, we really were timeless'..."

Summary: It's the kind of love you find once in a lifetime, the kind of love you don't put down, and somehow, you know you would've found each other in every life.

'Timeless' Chapter List | The Grumpy Sunshine Series

You smile down at the cardboard box that sits in your lap. You hold up a yellowing photograph, "Oh, I remember this! This was one of our very first assignments with the three of us. It was a complete disaster."

"Why? What happened?"

"Oh, what didn't happen!" you giggle. "We were after some bad guy - an arms dealer, I think. They almost got away. We had an entire building evacuated because we accidentally started a fire, which they still blame me for. We bickered the whole time." You look down at the photograph, at you, Bucky, and Sam, at the whole box filled with photos of the life you made. "And it was the most fun I ever had."

"I can't believe it," Sam awes from the other side of your porch. 

"It feels like yesterday," you agree. 

"No, I still can't believe that after all this time, you still won't admit that you started that fire."

"I didn't!" you insist. "We've been through this time and time again, Sam. I didn't start that fire."

"What about-"

The question is cut off by the slam of the screen door and a begrudging sigh, "You're supposed to be helping them with their project, not doing it for them, Mom."

You dismissively wave off your oldest child, Thomas, "I'm just telling stories."

Your oldest grandchild holds up a picture from decades ago. One of you and Nick Fury. Side by side, you wear a beaming grin that looks even more bright compared to his stoic frown and crossed arms. It was taken on the day you celebrated his birthday against his will. "Who's that?"

"He is the man that saved my life. We named your Uncle Nick after him."

"So how did you and grandpa meet?"

"Your Uncle Sam introduced us."

"That's right, you're all here because of me!" Sam boasts from the porch swing across the deck.

You chuckle and roll your eyes, "We all worked together. We would've met either way."

"That doesn't mean he would've talked to you if it weren't for me."

"Don't listen to him, kids. He's full of sh- He's full of it. I said it!" Bucky announces, refusing to put another dollar in the family swear jar.

"Nice save." You pat Bucky's leg with a soft chuckle. "It's true, though. He didn't like me very much when we first met."

He settles beside you with a gruff muttering, "That's not true."

"What?" Your oldest grandchild pouts, "Why didn't Grandpa like you?"

"I don't know." You shrug, turning to Bucky with a teasing grin. "James? Why didn't you like me when we first met?"

"Trick question, I always liked you."

"What'd you like about him?"

"It was those eyes," you reply. "The same beautiful blue eyes you have."

"What about these? Is that you?"

You smile, remembering that antique shop from a lifetime ago, "It was us in another life."

"Can I see that?" Bucky asks, jutting his chin toward the box in your lap. You slide the box over to him.

The years came and went. You knew that. But as you look around your porch, at the proof of a love that would last much, much longer than a lifetime, you're left wonderstruck.

The family you found. The family you built. The life you that never ceased to amaze you.

You look at Sam, the smile lines now permanently etched into his face. You look at Bucky, his dark hair now grayed with time. But those blue eyes, the same eyes you fell in love with on that very first day, those were still the same.  

Time broke down your bodies, but it never touched your soul. It was an age old classic. It was your age old classic. The story started long ago, at that very first hello. 

"Oh my..." It's not very often Bucky gets struck by overwhelming waves of emotion. He flips through the box to find much more than a lifetime's worth of memories. "We really were timeless."

--

The clanging of the grandfather clock startles you, tearing your eyes away from the photo. "Sorry, I think I got lost in thought there."

The shopkeeper chuckles at you, waving her hand at you, "It's no problem, dear."

You chuckle, "That's the second time that grandfather clock scares me."

The shopkeeper quirks her head at you, "What grandfather clock?"

"The -" You point in the direction of the clanging. Your brows furrow when you turn to see nothing but more stacks of books there. "Uh, never mind....Thank you for showing me around. You have a lovely store. I should be getting back now."

"It was my pleasure, I'm sure you and Bucky will have lifetimes worth of happiness."

"Thank you." You offer a smile in return. It takes you a moment to realize that you never told her Bucky's name. "Wait, how did you-"

But as you turn back around, she's gone. The store is as empty and silent as it was when you first walked in. 

Though there's a strangeness you can't ignore, there's a something else more important that you need to do. You walk out of the storefront, and immediately dial the only person on your mind. You know he probably won't answer, not with how chaotic his mission turned out, but still, you just need to hear his voice.

"Doll? Is everything okay?"

You sigh in relief, a lightness filling your chest and lungs. Tears unexpectedly spring to your eyes, overwhelmed by the stories of love and triumph. It felt so real. It felt like it was you and him. A love as timeless as they come. You shake your head, clearing the knot building in your throat, "Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to hear your voice."

He groans dramatically. You swear you can almost see the grimace he wears. "God, I miss you."

"I miss you, too," you softly exhale, wiping away the stray tear that slips down your cheek. "So, so much."

"I have something to tell you, by the way."

You finally perk up. "Yeah?"

"Turn around."

You softly gasp, whirling around to see him. His smile is brilliant. The faint orange of the setting sun only makes his eyes shine even brighter. He's here. Standing before you. You bound into him, throwing your arms around his neck.

"I missed you so much," you mutter into his shoulder. 

"Me too."

You're not sure how long you stand there holding onto each other in the middle of the cobblestone streets, but you do know you're going to be fine. You were going to be more than fine.

As long as you were his and he was yours, it would all be fine. 

You were going to be timeless. 

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist Inspired By Taylor Swift Masterlist Bucky Barnes Masterlist

As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛

Taglist: @marianita195 @meli18gonzalez @ludicbouquetfromearth @matchat3a @famousbreadcherryblossomsstuff @valoraxx @blue786sworld @buckyandgeraltsupremacy @geminigengar @ansaturn @ecolle @lexhalstead3 @ybflkmj @mediocre-daydreams @shanye1112 @thegirlnextdoorssister @toomanyfanficsbruh @moonlightreader649 @breathtaking-cynthia @mirikusashes@beans-and-toast @niyahcoca @katiechikin @elxvrr @antiheroxsblog @infamouslyclumsy @krissydclayton93 @buckysbarne @deadheadwbedhead @qualitygiantshoepsychic @whitexwolfxx310 @getosprettyboy @matchat3a @weallhaveadestiny @mostlymarvelgirl @honeydew3064

[yueliie]

hii y'all! so it has come to my attention...the existing of flufftober and I thought it's sounds pretty cool and challenging but I thought it's would be nice to challenge my hopeless romantic side to good use and reuse my old quote prompts that I made up, so here are the rules!

⭑.ᐟ 𝗥𝗨𝗟𝗘𝗦

1. NO requesting two prompts for yourself, only pick one prompt for one character!

As much as I love hearing ideas from y'all, I feel it's a bit cheating for other fans who also want to join in.

2. This is not a selfship event I'm saving these for my milestone events BUT the drabble will be dedicated to you, the requester.

Okie, hear me out, it will be obviously x reader still but the reader's personality & gender will be based off yours. There is only so much I can do with the mc's personality and I don't know my audience well enough to make predictions...so tell me about yourself from pronouns, interests, strengths, weaknesses to your perception of the character! you can even put nicknames they use for you, some ideas if you want and so on, I need that sugar man.

3. PLEASE be respectful, I do not want people to fight over each other.

listen...this is an event I put together for everyone to enjoy themselves and I always wants to doing a writing challenge from start to finish so please be kind for my sake?? TwT

4. MY moots will get a VIP treatment tho cuz I'm affectionately biased towards them-

I LOVE MY LITTLE CUTESY MOOTS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND but this doesn't mean follower and non-follower can't join in! if moots' chosen prompt is taken by someone else and it's NOT your beloved, I will give them permission to have an extra slot just for their favourite. Remember this event is a writing challenge for me, might be late on the delivery if life kicked me in the butt but I'll definitely want to finish it though!

5. WIND BREAKER ONLY!! I'm reading the manga and I think I have too much energy for this series that it's overwhelming my other love (KnY), sorry!

I'M UNHINGED, EMOTIONAL UNSTABLE AND A LIL' STUPID RN BUT yeahhhh...they are holding me hostage, i can't leave until I'm drained-

DONE READING THE RULES? PLEASE PROCEED TO THE NEXT STEP... please be aware this event is a mix of holidays such as valentine's day, christmas (in Japan, it's all about LOVEEE), tanabata festival, white day and halloween. So please, you have my permission to go FERAL in my ask box :D send me an ask for your chosen quote prompt, your details, ideas and character!...MY ASK BOX IS OPEN FOR THIS EVENT UNTIL OCTOBER OR THIS IS FILLED UP (MOOTS DOESN'T COUNT, THEY ARE VIPS) !! PLEASE REBLOG AND SPREAD THE WORD!!

1. "Both you and your chocolate should belong to me only"

2. "...why a santa's helper outfit?"

3. "...make these only for me, everyday please?"

4. "The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"

5. "Before you go...can i kiss you?"

6. "I'll hold your hand until you fall asleep..."

7. "Call me a monster but I'm just a monster who wants your heart"

8. "I want to be the only one who can see your crying face..."

9. "Why are you so embarrassed about? I just want to remind you how much I love you"

10. "Don't move around so much when you're sick!"

11. "Do you want a hug?"

12. "Can we hold hands?"

13. "Hearing your heartbeat...a melody I will never forget"

14. "With you, I find a sense of belonging as if I'm always home"

15. "I don't know when to let you go"

16. "I don't care what we do, I just like spending time with you"

17. "I hate being so far away from you"

18. "I only accept gifts from the person I like"

19. "Thank you for loving me/being you"

20. "I can't stop thinking about you"

21. "It's your favourite snack, right?"

22. "I want to be with you forever"

23. "You really want to know how I feel?"

24. "You're way sweeter than any chocolate"

25. "...good morning kiss?"

26. "I love everything you make though"

27. "I lose my way, your hand guide me back to the right path"

28. "Holding your hand, you make me forget all my worries and the world around us"

29. "I want your gift to be the first one I get"

30. "How long are you going to stare when your lover is right in front of you?"

31. "Keep me warm tonight"

Tagging lovely people to boost this event (no pressure...!) : @kaq3yma , @littleplantfreak , @megutime , @iid-smile , @meidiary , @kajibunny , @the-original-skipps , @kaiser1ns , @sanemistar , @stunie !!

> MASTERLIST <

[a1307s]

Companion #2

(Bart Allen)

[Art is not mine! Credit to battysketches]

Requested by: Feketealkony16

Keys:

Y/N: Your Name

Word Count: 5,760

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

None

——————————————————————

My companion and I have been spending a lot of time together over the past couple of weeks. We have a nice routine that makes me calm. I like knowing what is going to happen, and with Bart, I always know when stuff is going to happen and how it's going to happen.

However, recently Bart has insisted on sleeping in my bed with me at night. I'm not sure why but he keeps asking me, so I finally said yes last night. It's weird waking up with him in my bed. I'm not sure what to do. Usually, I get up and shower before breakfast, and then Bart makes us pancakes. Am I supposed to do that today too?

I shift in bed so I'm sitting against the board in the front. Bart stirs a bit, rolling over so his head is buried between my thigh and the bedding. He stays still for a second before shifting again, his head staying in place but his arm resting against my hips. For whatever reason, Bart has started touching me a lot. He seems to like touching my hips, but again, I'm not sure why.

Usually, I don't like people other than Conner touching me. I do like Bart touching me too though. I like the little sparks that bounce off of him when he's excited. I did end up asking Artemis about the electric sparks and she said Wally does it too when he gets really happy. She also said that Wally doesn't know it's happening because he's used to electricity running threw him so it's hard for him to tell when it's being transferred to something or someone else. I'm pretty sure it's the same for my companion.

Once again, Bart shifts, this time he props himself up so I can see his face, but his arm stays put. When his eyes blink open, sparks start bouncing off of him and colliding against my hips. He is happy, good. "G'morning," He mumbles, a sleepy smile on his face as he looks up at me.

"Good morning," I say back, turning my head away from him. My chest always feels tight when Bart smiles at me. I asked Batgirl about it, and she said it sounds like I have a crush on Bart. I don't know what a crush is, but she explained it as me liking him. Of course, I like him, he's my companion. If I didn't like him, he wouldn't be my companion. Duh.

"Y/N," Bart whines, tightening his hold on me as he buries his head between my hip and his arm. "Look at me!" I obey, turning back to him. His head pokes out as he keeps it rested on us. His smile widens, the sleepiness draining from his face. "Good morning, Mamas."

That is new. I don't know if it's good new. It makes me tingle, but not the tingling I get from the electricity leaving Bart, it's a different tingle. "Good morning," I repeat, once again turning away from him. I think it's a good tingle. It makes me feel like I want my companion to touch me more.

As if he can read my mind, Bart wraps his other arm behind my back, tugging me some so more of himself is on top of my lap. His head is shifted to my other leg, his heart being pressed into my thigh as he lays across me. Recently, when I get overwhelmed - that's the new word Black Canary taught me last week; she says it explains me getting upset about the lights and my emotions - I've been listening to Bart's heartbeat instead of Conner's.

"Why won't you look at me?" He asks, his hands rubbing my hips as he cuddles himself up on my legs. He reminds me of a cat doing this. Sometimes Garfield will transfer into a cat and lay on me, so I'll pet him.

"You make my chest hurt when I look at you too long," I mumble, glancing down at him.

"Oh," He murmurs, his face scrunched up in confusion. "What do you mean it hurts?"

I scan around my room, trying to find anything other than him to look at. "I don't know... it just... feels tight sometimes."

"Oh," Bart repeats, his tone a lot happier this time. "My chest does that too. Usually when you laugh." Maybe Bart likes me too. I hope so or else I'd be a bad companion. Am I a bad companion to Bart? I hope not. I want to make him happy.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks, his hands no longer rubbing my bones and instead gently pushing the hem of my pajama shirt up. A small sliver of my skin shows, which seems to be holding Bart's attention as he pushes his fingertips into it. I don't think I like that, but I do like the feeling of the sparks against a new part of my skin.

"I don't know what to do," I murmur, watching Bart as he watches his fingers roll over my skin. Maybe I do like it, and it's just making me nervous because it's new.

I don't like new things and there's a lot of them happening right now. Bart sleeping in my bed all night, Bart waking up in my bed this morning, and now Bart touching my bare stomach. He's slept in my bed before because we've taken naps together, but he usually spends the night in his bed. Since we've taken naps before, we've woken up in each other's beds, but our naps are usually only an hour or so and never after eight at night. He's also touched me in a lot of places: my arms, my thighs, my back, and even my stomach. The only bare skin he's ever touched is my hands, arms, and face though.

"What do you mean you don't know what to do?" He asks, pushing my shirt up a little more as his fingers slide over my sides, right above my hips. His eyes stay attached to his fingers as if it takes a lot of focusing to touch my skin. Maybe it does. I've only touched the same skin he's touched on me; well before today anyway. I don't see why it would take so much focus though.

"Well, usually I'm in the shower by now, but I'm not. I'm still in bed, with you touching me."

Bart's fingers stop moving, staying put on my side as he looks up at me. I make myself look down, focusing on his eyes as I try to breathe the tightness out of my chest. It's not the tightness I'm used to having around Bart. It's the tightness I would get after I knew I failed a test. "Do you not like me touching you?"

I think about it for a minute, like Canary has told me to do. She's told me just because I feel uneasy about something doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. It just means I'm worried about what is going to happen. "It makes me worry," I finally answer, looking away from Bart again. My breathing hasn't helped with my lungs.

"About what?" He asks, sliding soft circles into me. I can still feel his eyes on the side of my face, which doesn't help my thinking.

"Why you're touching me. If you want me to touch you. If you expect anything from me because you're touching me."

Bart stays silent, the only sounds filling my ears being his heart and lungs, along with the soft sound of our skin running against each other. "Well, I'm touching you because I like how you feel... That sounds creepy," he falls quiet again, spacing out a bit. "I'm touching you because it's how I show and how I feel that someone cares. I would like you to touch me back, but you never have to do anything you don't want to when I'm around. If you don't want to touch me, then don't, I won't be mad."

I roll his words over for a bit before looking down at him. "Where would you like me to touch you?" Hopefully, it's somewhere okay, like his hair. I really want to touch his hair.

"A few places. You can touch me wherever you're comfortable touching. I won't be mad no matter what you decide." Once again, I roll the words over in my head. Does he think that I think he's mad? I slowly move my hands to his head, letting them rest for a beat before I slide my hands through his locks. They're soft against my fingers, causing waves of calmness to start to sprout.

We sit like this for a while, Bart rolling circles into different parts of my stomach, and me playing with his hair. I start trying to braid it, like I've seen M'gann do to Cassie's hair, but Bart's hair isn't long enough to make a good braid.

After a bit, Bart shifts, sitting up in bed across from me. "I'm going to take a shower," he starts, tilting his head some as he looks over my face. "Do you want to take a shower with me?"

"No," I yap out, panic quickly eating away at the calmness that was previously present.

"Okay, you don't have to," he says softly as he slowly reaches his hand towards me. I stay still, petrified with fear despite his present smile that usually makes my chest tight, not fearful. His hand is gentle as he places it against my cheek, his thumb gently sliding against my skin. For whatever reason, this is another thing Bart likes to do.

"Please go away," the fear pushes out of me before I can stop it. I don't like this, I don't like him touching me, and I don't like Bart anymore. He's a scary companion. He's going to hurt me.

     Bart's smile drops a bit, but is still present, and still scary. "Okay," he says softly, dropping his touch from me before sliding off my bed. I stay put as I watch him walk into the bathroom.

Once the door is shut behind him, I shoot up from bed and make my way out of my room. I do not feel happy, I do not feel nice, I do not feel good. All of can think about is my pod and Luther and pain.

I need to find Birdman so he can call Canary. I need to talk to her. I do not like feeling scared, and I really don't like feeling scared of Bart. He's my companion, he's supposed to make me feel good, feel loved, feel safe, someone I'm supposed to trust. I do not feel any of that. I feel scared of him, scared of him seeing me. Why would he want to see me like that? Why would he want to take a shower with me? Does he want to hurt me? What test did I fail?

My mind is a fog, my breathing feeling labored, and my nervous shaking as I race into the living room. I can hear Conner trying to get my attention, but I ignore him. "Nightwing?" I call, walking up to the team leader who's tucked into a corner of the kitchen. I tug on the arm of his shirt, pulling his attention down to me with a soft hum. "We need to go on a walk."

————————————

Canary is sitting across from me, her body language open and her pen and pad ready to write down what I say. I open my mouth again to try and explain this morning but once again, nothing comes out. "Take your time, Y/N, the league knows I'm not on call, so we have all day to figure this out," her words are soft, like always.

I like Canary, she is nice, and patient, and helps me with all my thoughts and feelings. When I first started talking with her, she told me she used to and still does help Conner - and other heroes - with the same thing so it's okay that I ask for her help.

"Bart keeps asking to sleep in my bed at night," I finally push out, shifting my gaze around the room. Even though it feels nice to talk to her and I feel safe with Canary, it still feels overwhelming to talk about stuff sometimes.

"Yes, we talked about it at our last session, do you remember what you said about it?"

     I think about it for a moment, trying to remember. "I said that I don't know how I feel about it." Canary stays quiet, her eyes soft as she looks at me. "He asked again last night, and I said yes."

"Why did you say yes? Did you want to say yes, or did you say yes so he'd stop asking?"

I think about it for a moment, trying to relive the moment and the emotions I had during the discussion with Bart. "I felt... happy when he asked. I thought it would be nice. I like our naps so I figured it would just be a really long nap. That's why I said yes. I like it when I go to sleep next to Bart, it makes me feel... like I'm important to him. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, it makes sense," Canary says, bringing some relief to me as she scribbles in her notes. "How was it? Before bed? When you were getting ready to sleep and when you laid down for the night?"

Once again, I think about it, trying to relive the memory. "I was already ready for bed when Bart showed up. We watched a movie - it was about some talking cars - and we sat next to each other, with Bart's arm around my hips. He keeps touching my hips. Why is he doing that?"

"I'm not hundred percent sure because I'm not Bart. Why do you think he does it?" I hate when she does this. When she makes it obvious she knows the answer but won't tell me what the answer is. It's supposed to 'encourage my thoughts and feelings to get to find the answer' which is stupid. If I knew the answer I wouldn't have asked the question.

"I don't know."

"I think you do, you're just scared of the answer." Maybe Canary isn't as nice as I thought.

I think over the question for a while, nothing but space in between Canary and me. "Well, today Bart said he likes how I feel, and then said he sounded creepy so he changed his answer to something about showing care and being shown it, I don't know."

Once again, the older hero stays silent, scribbling away at her notes. "Repeat that." This is really stupid.

"Bart said he likes how-"

"Not that part, the last part." Why did I ask to talk to Canary? This is a waste of time.

"His answer was something about showing care and feeling cared for," I repeat, my anger bubbling with my words.

"Again," she orders, not helping the growing frustration.

"Bart said he likes touching me because it's how he shows he cares and how he feels that he is cared about - oh..." Maybe Canary isn't stupid, and maybe I don't like the answer. Why would Bart care about me? I know he's supposed to since he's my companion and all, but other than supposedly having to, why does he?

There's a soft smile on her face as she looks at me. "See? You did know the answer, you just needed help putting the pieces together. What was the rest of the night like?"

"I don't know. We laid down after the movie and went to sleep."

"Was Bart touching you when you went to sleep?"

Why does that matter? "Yes, he had his arms around my hips and back like he did this morning."

"Why do you think he did that?"

I think about it for a moment. "Because... he was showing he cares...?"

Canary hums a yes as she nods in agreement. "People feel cared for in different ways. Some people - like Robin - feel cared for when people get them stuff like coffee, love letters, or even something as simple as a rock. Other people - like Bart - feel cared for when they're touched like hugs, kisses, and holding hands. Most of the time people show they care in the same way they feel cared for."

"Are those the only ways to feel cared for? I don't like any of those things."

Canary smiles softly again, before speaking. "There are five love languages. The two we already talked about are called receiving gifts and physical touch. There are acts of service like Batgirl helping Nightwing with paperwork. Words of affirmation is another one, stuff like being told you're doing good-"

"Ew," I say before I can stop myself. "I hate when Nightwing and Conner do that."

Canary nods, propping her head up with her arm. "Your love language is quality time. Stuff like napping with Bart or sitting with him when he plays his video games." I nod, the same way Canary does, as I roll her words around my head. I feel bad for thinking she was stupid, she's smart. "So, the time before sleeping was good, how was the actual sleeping?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, my confusion washing away all the understanding I had a second ago. I think this is why I don't like talking to Canary sometimes. She's good at making stuff make sense, and then ruining it the next time she asks a question.

"Did you sleep through the night?"

"Oh, I woke up a few times. I'd panic for a while before I realized it was Bart."

Back to silence, sounds of breathing and Canary's pen filling the space between us once again. "How'd this morning go?" She finally asks, being the one to break the silence again.

"I woke up confused."

"Because Bart was there?"

"Yes and no," I answer, getting a head tilt from the lady across from me. That usually means I answered in a way she wasn't prepared for. "I was happy to see Bart when I woke up and I did finally remember he was supposed to be there but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should stick to my routine or not because waking up with him in my bed isn't part of my normal schedule."

"You don't do very well with change," She says softly like she does every time we discuss a change in my life.

"I know," I answer shortly, like always. "He ended up waking up shortly after and kept touching me again."

"Did you not like him touching you?"

"I didn't mind him touching me for most of it."

"And for the rest of it?"

I go silent again, replaying this morning in my head, trying to remember my thoughts and feelings in the moment. "Bart just... touched me differently I guess."

"Try rewording that." Occasionally Canary will say this, usually when she needs more context or doesn't understand what I'm saying.

"Bart... lifted my shirt. Not like a lot! Just a little bit, and kept touching my skin on my stomach and sides and I don't know," I rush out with a heavy tone, using my hands to model how much skin was showing. "It wasn't a lot," I repeat, a lot softer this time.

"Does it matter whether it was a little or a lot?"

Yes, it does. Why wouldn't it? "Different things happen depending on how much clothing is off. If it's a little bit it's just a check up and if it's a lot I get hurt."

Canary falls silent, pen still and her heart beats a bit faster. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. "Is that what happened when you were with Luther?" Her voice is a little uneven, but I'm surprised. Anytime we talk about how Luther used to hurt me her heartbeat picks up.

"Ya, it did. Do you think Bart would hurt me?"

Again, silence from the lady across from me, but her pen is at work this time and her heart is back to normal. "No one can be hundred percent sure someone else won't hurt anyone, but I do believe Bart wouldn't ever hurt you."

"Why?"

Silence. More silence, and then... some more silence. I hate how long Canary takes to answer my questions. "Has Conner talked to you about having a boyfriend or girlfriend?"

That's not an answer, that's another question. I think Canary just likes to make me angry. "He said I can love whoever I want to love, girlfriend or boyfriend."

She hums, no pen marks this time. "Do you know what a boyfriend or girlfriend is?" I shake my head no. I don't know what one is or the use of one. "A boyfriend or girlfriend is a lot like a friend. Do you know what a friend is?"

"A friend is someone you care about and trust and spend time with."

Another hum and another nod. "A boyfriend or girlfriend is kind of like that. A lot of the time, they start as friends or companions in your case, before a deeper relationship develops."

"I still don't see a difference."

"Well with a boyfriend or girlfriend, you tend to be more... physical. You do things like kiss among other things that you wouldn't do with a friend. Unlike a friend, you only have one and there's stuff you only do with them. Oh, and a boyfriend is a test run for a husband."

"What's a husband?"

"Let's save that discussion for after we get the boyfriend-girlfriend thing down."

"What's a girlfriend?" I ask finally, it's been three months since the first time I heard of it. The question has sat in my head ever since.

"Same as a boyfriend but it's a girl instead of a boy." Oh, that's simple. It makes me feel dumb for not figuring that out on my own. "Nightwing tells me you were having a panic attack when you came to find him."

"Panic attack?" I echo, confused about this and still confused about the whole boyfriend thing. I don't like feeling confused, it makes me angry and reminds me how little I know about the world because of Luther.

"Yes, it's when it's hard to breathe and you feel very scared, and it's hard to think straight because of your emotions. All you think about is your fear and what's causing it." Ya, I definitely had a panic attack earlier. "What happened right before you felt like that?"

I stay quiet, mentally going over the event. I know what happened. I remember all of this morning. I don't know why it makes me so scared. It shouldn't be scary for Bart to want my clothes off, right? Maybe it should be.

"Bart... he asked me to... he wanted to take a shower together," I stumble out, struggling on how to form my sentence.

"And that made you feel scared?"

I nod, propping my arms on my knees before burying my face into my hands. "Why would that make me feel scared? Why would it cause a panic attack?"

Like always, I have to wait for Canary to finish her writing and thoughts before she answers. From between my fingers, I watch as she leans forward, sitting in a similar pose to me. "I think that the idea of being without clothes around someone scares you because it reminds you of the things Luther has done to you. I also think that Bart believes he's your boyfriend. Have you two talked about that? Or kissed? Or anything else that you haven't done with another member of the team?"

The first half of Canary's speech makes sense. I understand that, I remember the fear I felt, the fear that before today, Luther was the only one to make me feel. The second half... not so much. Why would Bart think he's my boyfriend? We haven't kissed or anything else. We do things together, we spend time together, and we take naps.

"We haven't kissed and we haven't talked about him being my boyfriend. We hold hands but I do that with Conner as well. We take naps together too but again I do that with Conner."

"It's different with Conner. There's stuff you do and say with family that you wouldn't do with a friend." That doesn't make any sense either. My head hurts from all this thinking and I'm getting angry. I have more questions than answers. This isn't helping.

"People are confusing," I mumble, rubbing my face before sitting up straight.

Canary stays put, giving me another soft smile. I'm really starting to not like it when she smiles at me. "How about we stop for the day, ya? I'll come back and we can talk again tomorrow."

"What do I do about Bart?" I ask as she stands up and starts collecting her things.

It takes a second - like usual - for Canary to answer. "I think you should have a serious talk with him. See if he thinks he's your boyfriend. See if you want him to be your boyfriend. If you're happy with the talk, have another sleepover. If you're not, stay away from him today and we'll look into and talk about finding you another friend."

I don't want another friend. I want Bart. I want to keep him all to myself. For a long time, if not forever. Maybe I shouldn't want to keep him. Maybe that's me being possessive like Wolf gets about Conner and me. Conner always yells at Wolf about it so it has to be a bad thing, right? I need to find Bart and talk to him. Maybe he'll help my thoughts. Hopefully, he'll help my thoughts. As long as he doesn't make them worse.

————————————

My head is scattered when I walk back into my room. After my session with Canary, I went on a walk and then continued to walk, for two hours. Instead of helping, it just messed up my thoughts more. Canary didn't help, she just made me more confused.

Like earlier today, Conner calls for me as I walk through the living room. Once again, I ignore him. Conner tries to help with my thoughts but usually, he just confuses me or gets angry because he doesn't understand either.

A bit of relief runs through my veins when I swing my bedroom door open, but it's soon washed away. Laid out on my bed is my red-tinted companion, who instantly sits up when he hears the door open. "Y/N," he calls, jumping to his feet. "Are you okay? Nightwing said you had a panic attack. Did I cause it? What happened? Where have you been? Did I upset you? Did-"

"Please be quiet," I murmur, looking at my shoes as I try to push down my feelings. I'm upset that I made Bart worry, I'm upset that I can't control my fear, and I'm upset that Bart won't be quiet so I can answer his questions.

Surprisingly, Bart does silence. I can feel his eyes digging into me as I focus on my shoelaces. One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten... Maybe taking deep breaths and counting does help. "I am fine. I did have a panic attack, but it's fine. You did but didn't cause it. A lot has happened today. I was with Nightwing and then Canary and then I went on a walk. You did but didn't, once again."

"How did I both cause and not cause your panic attack? How did I cause and not cause you to be upset?" I glance at Bart, his face scrunched up and his eyes are pink. I decide to focus on the wall behind him instead. I don't like knowing I caused him to cry.

"You... I didn't... I don't like new and there was a lot of new this morning." My words stick in my throat a few times before I manage to get them out.

"I don't understand."

I sigh, glancing at his face again. His eyes are teary, making my heart feel like it's being squeezed. I don't want him upset, I want him happy, I'm supposed to make him happy. "I... liked you waking up in my bed. It feels... it makes me feel important."

"You are important. Very important to me, actually." Maybe my thoughts aren't always wrong. Why am I so important though? I don't do anything to be important. I definitely don't do anything to be important to Bart.

"The..." I stop for a second, running my fingers under my shirt. "That was fine. It was okay, but it made me a bit scared. Then you... kept touching me and... it makes me scared. Really, really scared." Bart steps forward a bit before stopping, causing himself to stand in an awkward half-leaning forward, half-staying put pose. "And... and then you asked to take a shower together and... all I could think about was you wanting to hurt me, about Luther hurting me."

Bart knows a lot about my time with Luther. He doesn't know the details like Canary and Conner do, but he knows about the tests, about the chocolate, about the hurting. He doesn't know about the on and off clothes, so I don't think it's fair that I'm upset with him. It's not fair for me to have a panic attack because of it. It's not fair that I make it seem like his fault.

"I didn't... I'm sorry," he mumbles, fixing himself so he finishes his step forward.

"It's not your fault. Luther hurt me, not you. It's not your fault. I just... I can't say no."

Bart takes slow steps forward, stopping right in front of me. His cheeks are wet. I made him cry. I don't want to make him cry. "I am sorry I kept touching you. I should have stopped when you told me you were worried. I know you... struggle with new things so I shouldn't have pushed anything new onto you this morning. I'm sorry."

His words feel nice. They make me feel calm. Silence envelopes us, it's not the usual gentle silence though, it's a heavy silence. "Do you think you're my boyfriend?"

Bart tilts his head some, his eyebrows pressing together in confusion. "Yes? Why are you asking? Do you not think I'm your boyfriend?"

Why would I think he's my boyfriend? I don't even know what a boyfriend is. Even with Canary's explanation, I'm still confused. "Canary told me that she thinks that you think you're my boyfriend. At the end of our session, she said to talk to you and see what you think and see if I want you to be my boyfriend. She also said if I'm happy with our talk to have another sleepover and if I'm unhappy to stop talking to you, which made me angry."

"I... have a lot of questions," Bart mumbles, confusion deeper on his face. "First, do you not know what a boyfriend is?"

"Not really. Canary said it was someone you are more physical with, and you kiss them, and you only have one, and something about a husband."

"Okay," he says, blinking his eyes a few times. "Um... a boyfriend is someone you love a lot. You do kiss them too and you do... other things that aren't important right now. It's someone you want to spend the rest of your life loving." Oh, that makes a lot more sense than what Canary said. "Why were you upset when Canary said to stop talking to me?"

Bart is dumb, and unlike Canary, he is actually dumb. "Because you're important. You're my companion. I want to keep you forever and I don't want anyone else to have you." Bart smiles at this but I'm not sure why. "But Conner yells at Wolf for being possessive so I don't think I'm supposed to feel like that."

Bart's smile gets bigger as he lets out an airy laugh. "Conner yells at Wolf because he growls when people get too close to you and when Conner spars. That's completely different from what you're feeling. You don't growl at people or threaten to hurt them if they talk or come near me." Oh... that makes a lot of sense.

"So, you're my boyfriend?"

"Do you want me to be your boyfriend?"

"Yes," I say, nodding in agreement to my statement.

"Do you actually want to spend the rest of your life with me or are you scared to say no?"

"I actually want to spend my life with you." It makes me sad even thinking about someone else getting to have Bart. He's supposed to be my companion.

Once again, Bart's smile grows as he looks at me. "Good, because I want to be your boyfriend."

"So, you're my boyfriend."

"So, I'm your boyfriend." The word sounds weird but nice.

"I still don't know what the difference between a boyfriend and a friend is though."

"We'll figure it out together, okay?" He says, slowly moving closer. "And we'll move slowly so you don't get scared again, and I'll start asking before I touch you, okay? Does that sound good?"

"Yes, it sounds very good. I'm sorry for upsetting you."

Bart goes to put his hands on my hips but freezes with them hovering over me. "Can I touch you?" I nod yes. "Do you actually want me to touch you or are you scared to tell me no right now?"

"I actually want you to touch me."

Once the words are out, Bart's hands are present on my hips, once again rubbing soft circles into me, over my clothes this time. "You don't need to be sorry. I scared you. I pushed too hard this morning. I should have talked to you instead of assuming you were okay with me touching you. I shouldn't have assumed I was your boyfriend. From now on we will talk about stuff more, okay? Maybe we can talk to Canary about doing couples therapy so we can work on making this work, ya?"

"Ya, I like that idea."

"I like that idea too." I have a boyfriend. Bart is my boyfriend. I get to keep Bart forever.

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Ateez Career Energy (September)

I will be looking into some insight to what is happening in their career at the moment, or for this month. Let's take a look.

Hongjoong (Queen of Cups)-Is he getting his advice from a caring woman? This could be a bit of his energy, maybe he is tapping into his sensitive nature to create something beautiful. He is kind of allowing his emotions to flow through him for his work. Allowing his emotions and creativity to consume him at the moment. I am just getting, tapping into his emotions to put into his work. Honestly that is interesting. There could be a female artist that is a muse for him, or just a woman he has dated that is, okay too many messages, hard to pinpoint with one card, so moving on.

Seonghwa (Judgment)-Does he feel some sort of judgment regarding his career? It seems he may want to appease someone, or he likes the appraisal of fans, and once again, I am pulled back to his personality reading of needed the attention or validation of others. I don't know that plays a big part in his career right now. He might also be very sensitive to criticism as well.

Yunho (10 of Wands)-Well, he is overwhelmed and bit overworked right now. It seems he may be doing a lot right now regarding his career. I am getting to carry the burden, not sure what he means by that. He may have a lot on his plate at the moment.

Yeosang (Ace of Cups)-There may be a new opportunity he feels emotional about right now. Something that might bring him joy. He may be feeling a bit emotional about things right now. I am kind of getting my cup overflowing, it is like he is overflowed with emotions, hmm okay. I don't think he is the emotional type, but ya'll fans may know him better.

San (The High Priestess)-He is doing some inner work, following his intuition, or he is being guided by his intuition regarding his career. I don't know, he doing some spiritual work too? Anyway, he is tapping into himself. He may be secretive or private, or to himself a lot right now. It is like, stepping away, back to myself, so that I can get back out there and work. It is like inner work is important to him for his career. It is like let me go within, so I can put myself out there. I don't know if I am explaining this right lol but whatever. Ya'll how I am loving this boy's energy lately. Also, is he not good at explaining things, because it was hard for me to try to explain how I felt with this, same though, it is like I vibe with his energy so much right now.

Mingi (Ace of Wands)-Why does this not surprise me lol He is feeling exuberant. Omg, that word came to me with excitement, I had to google what that definition was, because random words pop up while I channel, and it doesn't always make sense. It means being very excited with lots of energy. There is something he is very excited about regarding his career. Like a new exciting start. He got to be careful with this energy, because as excited one can be, with this energy, it can burn down really fast as well.

Wooyoung (9 of Swords)-Well, this doesn't surprise me either. Boy is in his head, worrying about things way too much. He seems to overanalyze and think about things way too much. I kind of get, he thinks about the things he's done, like going over it again and again, like he should have done this or that better. I am not sure, it is hard to think in this energy, lack of clarity on his part regarding his career. And here comes the headache again with him, sweetie please stop thinking too much. Lol easier said than done, I know.

Jungho (2 of Wands)-He could be collaborating with someone, learning from someone that will help him creativity wise. I am getting meeting of the minds, wanting to work with someone that can help him expand his career. I mean, is he plan on doing some solo work with someone? Not sure what this means. I am here for it if he does though.

I feel like I go through a ride reading for them, they are so fun, although some can be a bit difficult, nothing too heavy here, which I like. Fun, enjoyable bunch here. Wishing them the best in the career ventures this month.

[allastoredeer]

If it's not too much work, could you share what your outlining process is like? I always feel a little lost when I try outlining my fics and I know the process is different for everyone but I feel like it would help to know what others do. Every time I try to google help I get processes for original novel writing, and it doesn't feel as applicable to writing a short fanfic.

I would love to :3

There are actually a few different ways I outline, and sometimes it depends on the length of the fic and how complex the plot is.

I'll use one of my saved radiostatic prompts as an example (it also gives me an excuse to sit down and actually outline it hehe)

So, sometimes just the prompt itself is a good enough outline for me (this is dependent on how long I think the fic is going to be. If it's short, sometimes the prompt itself works and I don't need to go in-depth. I say "prompt" but that also can mean a specific scene in your head that you want to write, or a concept, or even a piece of fan-art that inspired you).

Here's the paragraph prompt I wrote for this radiostatic one-shot/short fic (spoilers, I guess):

So sometimes, just this is enough for me to start writing the fic (my prompts do tend to get a little big because I like to add a lot of detail - about the scene or concept that grabbed my attention - so that I capture all the vibes and emotions that I want to incorporate.

But sometimes, it helps to go more in-depth so I'm not overwhelmed trying to get to the part of the fic that I want to write (NOTE: It is totally fine if you write out the scene/parts that you want to write the most, even if it's in the middle or the end. You can always fill in the blanks after. Or you can just post the scene you wanted to write without adding more. It's up to you).

I like to figure out what scenes happen that lead up to the parts I want to write, so sometimes, I'll make a bullet-point list of chronological scenes, plot-points, and details. For example:

And etc... you continue on until you've hashed out the sequence of events that take place in the story. This doesn't have to be super detailed (it can be really brief and to the point) and doesn't it have to be super clinical either. Just have fun and write down whatever silly thoughts you have in your head.

You bullet-point list can be as simple as:

Alastor goes downstairs to do exercise.

Vox shows up to do the exercise as well (invited by Charlie)

They get into an argument about modern technology.

Vox leaves.

It's really just about putting down the sequence of events starting from the very beginning to the very end. You can keep it simple like the above example

OR

You can make it even more detailed by doing an in-depth summary of the fic, scene by scene, plot point by plot point, until you get to the end (this is what I usually do because it gets everything planned out and on the page, down to the smallest details). For example:

And then it goes on like this until I've outlined the entire fic. You can be silly with this. Just have fun. Let yourself ramble and get all you're ideas out. Don't try to stick to a rigid plan, let the story flow naturally.

Then, once I've finished my outline, I use it as a guide as I write the rough draft. The thing about outlines is that you don't have to follow exactly what you planned. It's okay to diverge or adds things or cut things out. It really is just a loose guide to help you through the events of the story and get your thoughts on paper.

Additionally: You don't even have to fully finish the outline if you don't want to. Sometimes you get half of it done before you want to start writing, and that's fine. The rest of the story will reveal itself as you go.

If I'm doing a multi-chaptered fic, sometimes I'll break the overall idea of the story into pre-determined chapters and summarize it section by section. Or, I'll just be a maniac and summarize the entire fic in one big, super long, super detailed block of text. Another staticradio fic I'm currently outlining is 16,152 words long and I'm not even close to being done. I expected this fic to get super long and complex, so writing it out in a very chronological and detailed manner helps it feel less daunting. AND now I have every plot point, twist, emotional scene, and bit foreshadowing planned out and already placed where I want it to show up in the fic. It's great. It makes me life easier when I actually buckle down and write the rough draft.

Just as a final note, I want to say that everyone's process is different. This is how I outline, but I know it won't work for everyone. It's all about finding what method works for you.

I'll say that one of the most important to do while outlining is simply having fun with it. Make it your hype list. Make every scene you jot down a scene you're excited to write. Make yourself want to write it so it doesn't feel like a chore to slog through.

Best advice I've ever recieved: If you're bored writing a scene, the audience will be bored reading it.

Have fun and write the story you wanna write 👉👉

Hope this helped!

[silverbladexyz]

Hi love! How are you? How have you been? Sorry for bothering, can I request Chuuya boyfriend headcanons please?

Thank you! Have a nice day/night!! 💞💞

Hiiii I'm alright, just kind of stressed recently because of life :') but I'm surviving! How about you?

The image does not belong to me. It belongs to it's original owner.

TW: Mentions of death, violence, slight suggestiveness. Gender neutral reader

Chuuya boyfriend headcanons

-Let's see... to win Chuuya's love and trust is no easy feat. To start off with, he's a Port Mafia executive, which means that he barely has any time for friendships, let alone love. And to top it all off, he himself has lost too many people in his life, something which made him put up all those walls around himself in fear of losing someone else again

-Be prepared for a lot of denial and internal conflict once he realises his feelings for you. Chuuya is not one that is entirely in tune with his emotions, and to express what he is feeling proves to be an even harder feat for him. He might give shorter and more curt answers back to you, and might even distance himself from you if he's overwhelmed with this foreign feeling called 'love'

-But once you do get into a relationship with him, it is one full of passion and sacrifices. Chuuya's loyalty knows no bounds, and trust me when I say that he will commit everything to you. He holds onto you like you were something that could be blown away from him by a mere breeze, yet he holds you as if you were a fragile treasure, one so hardly acquired and easily lost

-He is quite protective. Desperate to not lose you, he will take extra measures to ensure that you are safe whenever he is not around you. Whether you were another Mafia executive or just a normal civilian, Chuuya will always make sure that another Mafia member was around your area should you run into trouble when he was not there

-It will take Chuuya a while to get used to being in a relationship with you. He's still learning, so he would really appreciate it if you told him what he could improve on or what your opinion on some of his actions in the relationship was. He wants to be the perfect boyfriend for you, and he will try his absolute hardest to learn and make himself someone deserving of your love and attention. Please assure him that he is enough already

-Affection isn't something he is used to as well. Even his friends in the Mafia only did as far as to give him a pat on his shoulder, or even a hug in the rarest of instances. So if you suddenly give him a kiss out of nowhere, or brush your fingers against his lovingly, he will freeze a little bit before slowly reciprocating it. But over time, he does become more comfortable with affection, as long as you don't overdo it

-Now his love language would either be acts of service or quality time. Chuuya isn't the best at words or affection, and he does get you gifts every now and then, but since this relationship is so foreign for him it would take a while for him to use other ways to show his love for you. He would be more than happy to learn how to tell you 'I love you' through actions and thoughts

-Chuuya would definitely be a lot more gentle and vulnerable in a relationship. He trusts you completely, and he isn't one to hide secrets from you as he values honesty. While he may be brash and temperamental, he is also perfectly capable of showing that soft side he locks away in himself, and he shows it to you and you only

-Further on into the relationship, be prepared for Chuuya to tell you everything. His past, his insecurities, his trauma, everything. He doesn't expect you to comfort him or help him, he just wants someone whom he can talk to and not worry about being betrayed or judged. So when you hugged him and assure him of how strong he was and how lucky you were to have him, it's from there on that Chuuya appreciates you the most he has ever appreciated you before

-Chuuya has a few hobbies that he likes to do in his free time, but he is interested in your hobbies as well, and often does them with you as he gets to spend more time with his beloved. His favourite things to do with you include taking you on motorcycle rides, have friendly sparring matches with you, wine-tasting, and even just shopping for exquisite and high-end clothes. He'd involuntarily spoil you since he has a lot of money, but he doesn't mind it if you spoil him too

-Kissing was a whole new experience. He will start off a bit rough and awkward at first, so it is mostly up to you to guide him with small movements of your lips and fleeting touches with your fingertips. Chuuya is surprised at how much he likes to kiss you, and you do note that his kisses do eventually get a bit softer as time goes on

-But if you wanted to make out with him? He's down for it and will mostly take the lead. His hands will grip you firmly but gently on your waist as he dominates the kiss. Spice it up a little by fighting back or by teasingly running your fingers along some more of his sensitive spots on his neck. However, he will get you back for it

-Love him, and he will love you back infinite times more than your love for him. Chuuya Nakahara is but a man; a man who has had everyone leave him; a man who doesn't let his past define who he is. His love for you will forever burn brighter than the flames of passion that consume his very being

So I feel like this was more deeper and serious than all my other posts. Chuuya to me is such a complex and deep character and it gives me a rare sense of thrill to write for him, especially when I get to analyse the other parts of his character that is not explicitly shown or told.

@circinuus @nekokinax @xxsigmakinniexx @xxelfmamaxx @yuugen-benni @ashthemadwriter @lakeside-paradise @catzlivedforbsd @sariel626 @yukitomybeloved @irethepotato @voyagewiththesatan @arisu-chan4646 @chuuyas-beloved

[is-your-blorbo-neurodivergent]

does he have autism, alexithymia, and depression?

submit your own characters here to be featured!

reason under the cut - long reason

reason: Extremely Blunt, oppositionally defiant, low empathy(but cares a lot), almost always extremely logical, probably hyperfixates, extremely attached to guinea pig, I feel like he gets overwhelmed from emotions more than others, extremely monotone and flat voice even in rather extreme scenarios, he doesn't really express his emotions as much as others but still feels them - like when he's really happy he might faintly smile and say he's "sooooo happy" in his usual flat voice, his weakness is stated to be communication, possibly tics? (His flipping off other people might be involuntary at times), he loves his routines and refuses to break them, he also has a bit more of a difficult time handling relationships and emotions which does prove itself to be an obstacle in his relationship w his boyfriend, who's super emotional and unlike him can't block it out, though they always work it out. he also struggles with anxiety and being overwhelmed, at one point he puts a box over his head which completely blocks out everything around him because he feels like it's too much, I feel like he gets overstimulated but he doesn't show it like others And he instead just blocks it out. He infodumps about star trek randomly at times, like in a game TFBW when the player is in his house near the beginning he will at times randomly start talking about star trek/space trek/whatever it is unprompted. He also sometimes speaks literally ("let's dance! I mean, not literally because I don't dance. Lets- let's punch!" Is a line he says at the start of some battles in TFBW.) an example of him not really expressing his emotions as much is when he describes the deaths of his former guinea pigs in gis usual flat voice - we KNOW he's really attached to his guinea pigs, he says it himself ("I'm really attached to this guinea pig, man!") and he was probably super upset when they died but he doesn't show it. In his episode w tweek (his bf) he has a hard time comforting him- he tries telling him it's ok, and he tries explaining how logically, everything is fine - which doesn't help, and obviously he cares about him but he doesn't understand how to help him, that is until he hears Heidi's speech about how sometimes people just need others to be there for them, how some ppl just need help sorting out their emotions, which is THEN when he understands what he needs to do. Btw none of this is saying that all autistic people are like this, of course. He just fits a toj of common autistic experiences as well as fitting dsm5 criteria. Also at one point he says "nice and boring. Just the way I like it" anyway I love him

submitted by @cringelordofchaos

[pallastrology]

lovely little things for your sign

artwork by theodor petter

valentine's day is coming up, so here are some nice little things we can do to pamper and show some appreciation for ourselves. i tried to think of free activities, because times are tough for us all right now. use whichever placements resonate for you, this is just for fun so don't treat it too seriously <3

aries: dance party! maybe it sounds silly, but moving your body (in whatever way feels best for you) can be really helpful. it wakes you up, helps regulate your nervous system, gets the blood pumping a bit and can be mentally uplifting. never mind how good it feels to blast some music and just let go of fear and inhibition for a minute...

taurus: spa session. this doesn't need to be a big fancy thing, but it's always nice to spend a bit of time pampering yourself. take a bath or shower, cut up some fruit, make a herbal tea or get a sparkling water, and then whip out some moisturiser or a deep conditioner. you could even make yourself a DIY face mask if you're feeling creative. paint your nails, listen to calming music, and just spend some time showing your body a bit of love...

gemini: start a diary. whether you get out that notebook you've been saving for three years (we all have one, there's no shame here) or just use your phone's notepad app, set aside a little bit of time to do some journaling. it's a really useful habit for a multitude of reasons, and you might find you feel lighter after you've put your thoughts to the page. going back through old journals can be affirming, emotional and even inspiring, so make sure to keep your writings safe...

cancer: get cosy! it's easy to get overwhelmed with life, especially when you can't get any time to yourself. so if you can, set aside a bit of time that suits you and just get comfortable. whether that's something like watching your cat play while you nurse a cup of tea, watching a comfort show with snacks and pjs, sinking into a book, whatever. do something that's just for you, and let yourself indulge a little bit...

leo: be nice to yourself. it's often easier to bully yourself than it is to be kind to yourself, but there's nothing conceited or big-headed about being proud of yourself and your accomplishments, acknowledging both your faults and your strengths, and treating yourself with the same kindness and respect you treat your loved ones with. in fact, it will help you to feel, think and do better, if you treat yourself better. so be your own biggest cheerleader, and take stock of the good in your life...

virgo: take a moment to recentre. when times get tough, it's easy to neglect your wellbeing. so now, take some time out of your day to work on a healthy routine; not one of the 'influencer' routines you see on social media, but a simple and sustainable routine that helps you feel a little bit better. even if means something 'little' like going through a checklist when you feel you're about to explode, feeling just 10% better can make your life run a lot smoother, and leave you feeling more grounded and able to enjoy your days...

libra: connect with someone. life can be very isolating, and it's easy to miss out on connection with people when most of our interactions are shunted through social media. try reaching out to a loved one and having a conversation; it doesn't have to be in person if you can't do that right now, but rather than just sending a meme or liking a post, have a real talk with someone you care about. a good chat with a friend won't cure all your problems, but it can lead to inspiration, connection and feeling that life is actually okay...

scorpio: dive into something. let your natural curiosity out to explore. it's always good to exercise your brain, but researching a new topic and studying it in depth will help develop your imaginative and creative side, as well as your intellectual one. you might gain a new skill or interest, you might not; but the day will pass anyway, might as well pass it learning something new. the more out-there the better, try a wikipedia rabbit hole or a video essay that changes you...

sagittarius: share your thoughts. not necessarily with another person, or on a blog, or your instagram stories... but write yourself a letter, do some journaling, talk to a friend. if you like posting on socials, by all means do that! there's no wrong way to document and share your thoughts, so get them out there. it's good to let go of what's in our heads, especially when life is getting overwhelming and you're feeling stuck or bogged down. it can be therapeutic and enlightening to translate your thoughts into words and release them into the world...

capricorn: let yourself relax. life is tough, and so are you, but you don't need to be strong all the time. it's okay to soften up and just be, without productivity, without stoicism, without being cool and collected. being human means experiencing the full range of emotions, good and bad, and it means energy ebbing and flowing over time. take a break, find a balance, and let yourself be vulnerable and soft, just for a change...

aquarius: reach out. whether that's checking in with a loved one, volunteering, caring for an animal, donating or promoting a good cause... it feels good to do good, and brings us more in line with ourselves to help others in some way. so do some googling, find a good cause that's practical for you to join up with, and take a step towards altruism. there are so many benefits to helping your community, both for yourself and for your world...

pisces: get some quality rest. easier said than done, right? but rest is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. even if you struggle to get decent sleep for whatever reason, there are little things you can do to feel more rested. make your room a bit cooler and darker, focus on relaxing (whatever that looks like for you) before bed, take a nap if you need one, stretch out the tension in your body, or just take a break from your day to consciously relax and breathe, without expectation...

[darkstar225]

Twice’s 10th member is overworked

It was another day with thousands of things to do on her schedule, from a meeting with JYP (sorry I always imagine it whispered lol) to practice with the girls she calls her sisters. She can't take it anymore but knows there's no other option besides slaying and praying that she doesn't faint from exhaustion. 

As she gets to the meeting with PD-nim he greets her in such an excited way she wants to slap him -with respect, or not- 

JYP - Hey Y/N! How are you doing?

Y/N - I'm fine PD-nim and hope you're too. Not meaning to rush you but, what's this meeting about?

JYP - Well, I noticed you're receiving a lot of good comments about you're dancing so we agreed that you're the best to film the challenges on TikTok for Set Me Free!!

Y/N - Really? But I already got so much to do, any of the girls could do it perfectly

JYP - I guess... however, this could disappoint the fans, don't you think so? 

 Y/N - Okay. I'll do it for the fans!

JYP - That's the spirit! But don't leave yet, we need to talk about your schedule

Y/N - What about it?

At the moment the only thing Y/N had in mind was how good it would be if some of the events she has were cancelled. She's at her breaking point and no one seems to notice.

JYP - We got some modelling with A'pieu for the new collection they're planning to release, isn't that amazing?

Y/N - I'm tired JYP-appa... Can't you deny it? It's too much

JYP - I get you Y/N but this is an incredible opportunity for the group, not only you but the girls too, denying this could affect the rest of TWICE. 

Y/N - Fine. Is the meeting done now?

JYP - Yes, you can go Y/N. See you soon!

Y/N - Bye PD-nim, thank you.

After this horrible experience, she takes off to the practice room to start the routine with the girls, when she got there they're already started and in sync. 

Y/N - Hey unnies, I'm sorry for being late! PD-nim held me up on a meeting *rolls eyes*

Jihyo - That's okay bae, what happened that you're so annoyed?

Sana - My hon is feeling bad, who do I have to hurt?

Y/N - Hopefully you don't wanna hurt PD-nim, Sana unnie lol

Sana - It depends :)

Chaeyoung - Scary...

Dahyun - Fr bro...

Nayeon - Anyway- tell us what's going on kid!

Y/N - Okay, okay, I'd if you let me speak in the first place *crosses arms*

Jeongyeon - Tzuyu's personality is rubbing on you...

Tzuyu - As it should, you go sis!

Y/N - Thanks sis <3 

Jihyo - Tell us now.

Y/N - So... I got pissed 'cause PD put more things on my schedule and you must know how packed it already is, like dang how much more he wants me to do???

Mina - Well-

Y/N - And then he tells me that if I don't go I'm gonna affect you guys, I don't want that :(

Mina - WHAT? 

Momo - Wow, Mina screamed, this is gonna become serious reallyyyyy soon...

Mina - I'm gonna become someone's nightmare.

Sana - I mean, I'm not against it...

Jihyo - Neither am I, no one treats my kid this way!

With all the love she's feeling Y/N finally let go and starts crying, it was so overwhelming and now her sisters are there making her remember she has people she can rely on. Dahyun is the first one to get near enough to engulf their maknae in a warm hug that the others soon join.

Chaeyoung - We're here. 

Mina - We love you.

Nayeon - More than you could ever know sweetheart. 

Y/N - Tysm unnies, it's just 'cause I couldn't take it anymore. There's too much to do, I can't even sleep and eat well, it's been a while...

Jeongyeon - What do you mean babe? You're stopped eating since when?

Y/N - Well... I'm sorry! I didn't mean to.

Jihyo - This doesn't answer the question Y/N L/N, respond right now.

Y/N - It's been 3 days but it's good, I'm perfectly okay!

When these words left their maknae's mouth they couldn't even reply, all of them full of thoughts about how they didn't notice and how they're horrible unnies. They should have seen it coming, their baby always got home late, bags under her eyes and her body becoming thinner each day that passed along the week. Her eyes were full of emotion but her words said the contrary, each day she came to the dorm saying the same "I'm fine, good night unnies.". It was clear and they were blind, the unnies could only feel more stupid as each second inside their own minds passed. The first reaction after some time was to be angry, but they couldn't do anything about it, they took so long that the maknae fell asleep, as she must. 

Jihyo - I can't believe I didn't see it, girls! Let's divide ourselves, some of us go to talk with PD-nim and the others go take her to bed at the dorm. Who wants to do what?

Mina - I wish I could stay with her but I already called it, I'm gonna make this man's life miserable :)

Sana - Amen to that honey. I'll go to the dorm.

Dahyun - We from the SMC are tired from school, we wanna go to the dorm unnie.

Momo - I'll go to the dorm so I can carry the kid!

Jihyo - Okay, then the rest of the unnie line stays here with me.

Jeongyeon - Perfect, let's move girls, JYP must be ready to leave and we need to get there before he goes.

As the unnie line beside Momo left, the others got to work and fixed the practice room and their bags so they could head to the dorm. After calling their manager and informing them of what happened, Momo got near Y/N and gave her a kiss on the head before lifting her bridal style ('cause Y/N's princess ✨) and got to the van. She put Y/N on her lap so it'd be easier to lift her when they arrived, Dahyun to the right and Tzuyu to the left. The maknae line all slept till they stopped at the front of the dorm. Momo woke up the girls, beside Y/N, and carried her to the SMC room laying her near Dahyun that was sitting there waiting for their maknae.

After Chaeyoung and Tzuyu took a bath, they stayed with Y/N so Dahyun could shower too. When they all laid down they felt warm because of the puppy pile and soon fell asleep again. When Momo got there she could only coo quietly and take a photo to send on the group chat. As the unnie line saw the photo after screaming and dissing JYP-nim, they felt at peace with everything again and could only think: 

We love our dear maknaes.

A/N: I apologise for any errors, English is not my first language. Pls, let me know if there's something wrong, ty for reading <3

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

mackerel!!!!! good morninnnnnnnng :] sharing my coffee with u :3 anyway. free ticket for whatever worm thoughts ur having!!! 🎫🎫🎫 cell is a fucking rollercoaster so like, u know, whenever u have thoughts w any degree of organization lmao!! the fucking.... charlotte interlude where danny just sits and watches the rest of the undersiders (teenagers)(aisha throwing a bag of chips at grue's head)(grue killed burnscar a member of the slaughterhouse 9)(terrifying)(they're both in demon masks and grue is in black leather)(supervillains who he's been hearing taylor talk about like they're a certain doom for hours)(kids)(people she loves)(she was doing so much for infrastructure for the docks which was also danny's thing) hammer out their game plan means a lot 2 me.... anyway it's been a while since last bothering u abt worm ask!! so. holds microphone up to u. hehehe :3

dude u have literally the most perfect timing ever I JUST finished the lung interlude. lol. Definitely not thinking about it at all. the next arc is called Drone. awesome ! like the fuckign. other word for male bees which have no stinger and are not as useful to the hive as worker bees and cannot even feed themselves without assistance from workers. often used in media to describe a mindless . well. drone. part of a hivemind. awesome loving the implications of this. i need 2 take a fucking BREAK

ANYWAY. CELL. GOD. MAN. FUCK. DEFINITELY *NOT* THE DIRECTION I THOUGHT THAT ARC WAS GOING TO GO. youve pretty much said everything I could possibly say about the Charlotte interlude. I do in fact have a screenshot of the part where imp throws a bag of chips at grues head. and also when they first get there imp and regent immediately start rummaging around for snacks. and they take the bags of gummies that charlotte was planning to put in the kids school lunches the next day. and . fucking RACHEL walking in not with huge monster dogs but with a bunch of puppies on colorful leashes. willingly handing puppies to two basically strangers. willing to go into a room with a bunch of children who don't know how to behave correftly around dogs and letting them play with her puppies. I cant even fucking talk about Rachel and how she's changed since the beginning of the story without getting so overwhelmed with it all i love her so much. I love her SO much dude.

having conflicting emotions about weaver !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love taylor so much you know this about me. i am very excited to see another side of the heroes and get more insight into the inner workings of both the ward system and also the prt in general (definitely not going to think about nhw) BUT ALSO . I LOVE THE UNDERSIDERS TOO MUCH. IM GONNA MISS THEM SO MUCH. AND!!!! and. I don't know how they feel about this decision yet. I mean they were pretty laid back during their visit but I also know how good they are (esp tattletale) at . not letting onto things . putting up a front to keep appearances. aaughhh.

I want to know what the fuck was in the drawer that dragon showed taylor that made her agree to all of this right away. was it the new mask????? that's my assumption rn. speaking of which as much as I want to squish defiant sometimes I VERY MUCH love his robot girlfriend. defiant can stay as long as I get to see his weird fucked up dynamic with dragon. but he's on thin ice.

I do also really like miss militia.......... she's frustrating as much as the others are sometimes but. I like her. she knows things are fucked and is willing to hear out the other side even if she doesn't always act on it. OH ALSO SPEAKING OF HEROES really excited that parian and fletchette are undersiders now :) I like them.

uhhhhh uh uh uh I made that big long post about self fulfilling prophecies regarding the whole apocalypse in two years thing ,, my thoughts on that have not changed and have in fact been REINFORCED by lungs interlude . he specifically was given a two year time limit. hmm i wonder FUCKING WHY. god. I need to talk to dinah i need a dinah interlude. I need to know what she thinks of all of this

[snailor-bee]

Stew in my Love

My second piece for the secret santa event! @onepiece-blorboexchange I was super not required to do this but I felt INSPIRED. I love Jinbei and I was happy to finally write an xReader for him! I'm just realizing now I didn't describe the stew I meant too lkdsjfsd I imagined it was a fish stew but I guess the fun of xReader is it gets to be your favorite stew, made to perfection. >:D For @mirkaaaluv hope you like!

JinbeixGN!Reader / SFW  / 1k

Summary: The two of you decided to cook for one another. Warnings: None!

The air around you was thick with the smells of cooking and you took in a deep breath, pleasure fizzling through you. 

It was almost time then. 

You tried to peek around Jinbei's large frame so you could take a look at the pot steaming merrily away on the stovetop. He noticed your attempts and easily stepped aside with a low chuckle, a long spoon still dipped inside. 

"It's almost done, dear." 

You leaned in further trying to take a look but instead your glasses fogged over making you frown with annoyance. Stepping back you went for your frames but gentle webbed hands stopped you. 

"May I?" he asked and although the perspiration had all but gone away, the frames were still a little wet making his face blurry. Throat suddenly dry, you nodded and he easily grasped the sides and pulled them off your face before busying himself with cleaning them on the sleeves of his kimono. 

"I could have done that," you said at last struggling to find your voice. Jinbei smiled at you. 

"I know, but I like taking care of you," he said simply, handing you back your glasses. 

Dumbstruck you took them before quickly putting them on, hoping your hands hid some of your blush. By the sound of another deep chuckle, you weren't hopeful for your chances. 

The two of you had just recently started dating. All those newfound emotions that constantly bubbled to the surface were all too easily overwhelming. 

Jinbei was just so... so... everything. Wise, kind, funny, attractive... 

He can even cook!! 

You found out only recently and had been begging to eat his cooking. He'd only agreed after making you promise to make something as well. 

Sanji had to be dragged out of the kitchen after he frantically tried to give the two of you 'ground rules' after first giving a thorough tour of every single cabinet and drawer. Even as he was taken away, Sanji had kept pleading to just be allowed to watch or help or—

It would have been amusing if you weren't so annoyed by how long it had taken the rest of the Strawhats to bully him out. This was supposed to be your date. One of the few the two of you could even have on the Sunny. 

Oh sure there was spending time together, fishing, swimming, reading, etc, etc. But this felt different, felt more concrete. 

You were making something together. And for some reason, that simple difference made something twist inside you. 

A timer went off and you surged with excitement as you hurried to grab some oven mutts. 

"Now don't get too excited," you warned as you opened the oven door and a blast of heat hit you. "I've never made bread before." 

"I'm sure it'll be delicious," Jinbei said easily, knocking the spoon on the sides before putting it aside.

You snorted. "You'd say that even if I burned it." Your tongue peeked out between your lips as you carefully withdrew the pan and set it on the countertop. 

"It's made with love, why wouldn't I enjoy it?" he replied, shrugging his shoulders and you closed the oven door a little quicker than you intended, making it slam. 

"Made with love still doesn't mean anything if it doesn't taste good," you argued, leaning forward to switch off the oven. When you settled back on your feet his lips found the top of your head, pressing in a soft kiss. 

"Anything you make I'd love," he said with complete sincerity. 

A blush rose to your cheeks and you tucked your head into his front to hide it and his arms wrapped around you. 

"How do you always just say shit like that?" you muttered, muffled by cloth but he still heard you. 

"Because it's true." A large hand ran down your spine, rubbing little circles along the way. "Besides, it's not just about the taste, it's about the journey. I got to spend time with you like this." 

"I'm going to get cavities," you complained and he laughed, the sound rumbling through him and through you, were you pressed against him. 

"Okay, how about we eat now then, hm?" 

"FOOD?" A distant yell was heard and a single look of horror passed between the two of you. Wordlessly both of you started rushing, Jinbei quickly spooning out two bowls while you got to work trying to cut off two large chunks.

A loud thump and the galley door rattled. "OI!" Luffy's voice screamed through it, easily overlapping Nami and several others' voices that tried to get him to stop. "LEMME IN!" 

In the end, the entire Strawhats crew squeezed their way into the kitchens, Sanji immediately going to survey the damage before he started portioning out the stew that Jinbei had made. 

You were slotted in by the large fish man's side, blowing across a spoonful. When you felt his eyes on you, you looked up and tilted your head in silent question. 

Jinbei smiled, his fangs flashing. "I just see how you like it." 

Immediately you understood and you turned back to your spoon and clamped your mouth over it. 

Your eyes widened and you couldn't resist a groan. It was delicious! Flavorful and yummy, it seemed to burst over your tongue. 

Chewing, you barely were able to swallow it before you beamed at Jinbei, who was still watching with careful eyes. "I love it!" 

His shoulders relaxed all at once, betraying a tension you hadn't noticed before. "I'm glad you like it," Jinbei said softly, almost covered by the chatter of the crew who surrounded the two of you. "Shall we try the bread?" 

You only had eyes for Jinbei, the rest of the noise drowning out to a distant hum. When you nodded he reached out to butter your slice and handed it to you before doing the same for his own. 

Watching each other you both bit in at the same time. 

It was soft, gloriously warm and your mouth filled with warm butter, perfectly melted. 

No words needed to be spoken, you saw how much he enjoyed it and your turned to your bowl with a bashful smile, feeling his hand reach out to land on your thigh. 

It was so big, it spanned the entire thing, his palm so warm and when he squeezed, you felt your heart squeeze in return. 

[roonotrue]

Cult of the Lamb: Redemption Chapter #2

(((TW: TW: Uh... I don't think there's anything worth putting a warning on?? Let me know in the comments if there is, and I'll update this.)))

Guilt - Narinder

Perhaps it was naive of him to think he could tolerate the pain.

Turning over onto his back is a motion that now that he's done, he thought he knew what to expect. But instead, the pain is just as piercing as before.

Still, he's able to push through it.

The idea of using his arms to push himself up, however?

He's tried twice now, and each time, his arms have cramped up, shaking violently as he falls back into place. His wrists are the worst, and he doesn't need to open his eyes to know there's scaring marring the fur around them.

He's sure it looks as awful as it feels.

No. Perhaps it feels worse. He can get over what it looks like, but this pain... He's not sure when it's going to stop. If it ever will.

What he is sure of is that he isn't letting it beat him. He tolerated the pain of his chains and being trapped in place for long enough. He will no longer let the phantoms of his torment hold him down.

Even if it means suffering with every movement he makes.

And damn, does he suffer.

He tries to use his legs, to push himself up and take some weight off his arms, but much to his dismay, his legs are in no better condition. Still, he persists.

His whole body is shaking by the time he shoves himself back up against the wall, in some semblance of a sitting position. He is damn near breathless and wants nothing more than to go back to sleep again and deal with his hunger later.

But he's worked too hard to give up now. Opening his eyes, it is dark in the room, the only light coming from the window to his right. It's just enough sunlight to make his eyes water, so he turns his head to the left.

The mixed meal is on the nightstand just next to the bed, and easily within arm's reach. He takes a long moment to relax before attempting to grab the food.

He's dizzy from his efforts.

He should try to organize his thoughts, but the task seems even more impossible than moving.

He was chained for centuries. Found a Lamb to kill the Bishops- his siblings, and free him. The Lamb kills the Bishops. The Lamb proceeds not tofree him but defeats him instead and steals his crown. They spare his life rather than kill him. Then force him to join their cult as a mere follower.

There is... A lot to unpack there.

Thinking about it all still brings forth an overwhelming surge of emotions that he's still not ready to face.

But what other option does he have? When he was chained, all he could do was boil and fester with rage. Plotting his vengeance, waiting.

Waiting.

Always. Fucking. Waiting.

For something to change. For a loyal vessel to appear. He got his vessel, but the loyal part...

He takes a sharp breath, straightening himself out more, and tragically finding that by resting, he's allowed the pain time to worsen.

Still, he pushes through, because as painful as it is, thinking about the Lamb is even worse than their piercing cramping along his spine. Twice as confusing too.

He takes the risk to grab the bowl and just narrowly misses knocking the bowl onto the ground with his shaking. He does spill some of it when he moves it into his lap, but it's the last of his concerns.

With the food right in front of him, he's suddenly contemplating how to eat. Just chew and swallow right? But how much does he have to chew? Does it need to be completely mush? That would be gross, but will he choke otherwise?

What will it taste like? He has only a vague memory of what fish tastes like, but he can't recall what other kinds of meat or beetroots taste like... He settles for starting with the fish steak, the most familiar of the foods, and ignores the uncomfortable dryness of his mouth in hopes the food will help.

It does not. The explosion of taste is nothing like he remembers. He can feel every speck of seasoning burning his tongue and a wave of nausea overtakes him. Chokes it out, spitting it back into the bowl, but the dryness of his mouth causes chunks to get stuck on his tongue and inside his cheeks.

He gags and coughs trying to get it all out of his mouth.

And like a lightning strike, because as he now knows the universe hates him, there is banging on the dresser.

"Narinder! I'm here to start working on your shelter upgrades! I also brought- Narinder!? Are you okay!?" The sentence is cut off when the Lamb realizes something is wrong.

"F-ack! I'm-" He tries to respond but is still choking on the taste of the food.

"Okay! I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your cult leader by coming in anyway!" And like that the dresser was shoved aside, teetering for a moment before falling over onto the ground with a loud crash.

The Lamb was by his side in an instant.

"Whoa, whoa! Take it easy, uh, wait here, I'll grab some water!" They bound away, leaving him with tears stinging the corners of his eyes, and hacking like he has a hairball in his throat.

It doesn't take them long though, and they're back beside him with a wooden cup of water trying to hand it to him. He makes a feeble attempt to grab it but his arms cramp up when he tries to close his fists around it, and they jerk back toward him.

He can feel splashes of water as they fall onto his lap and the Lamb catches the cup before it falls and spills completely.

"Careful, Narinder... Are you- never mind, dumb question, you're not okay. Here, let me see." They hesitate only a moment before reangling the cup and bringing it up to his mouth for him.

He's not in the condition or mood to argue, and just leans forward and accepts the water. It's only slightly cool, borderline room temperature, but it tastes holy. He uses the first swig to swirl around his mouth and get rid of as much dryness as he can before swallowing and then chugs the rest.

"Slow down, you'll choke! Again!" The lamb pulls away, and Narinder follows, ignoring the spike of pain it causes.

He needs more. He knew he was thirsty, but this... He feels like he could drink dry a whole lake.

"Please..." He begs, and a part of him wants to hiss and recoil away from the word, but another part just wants more water.

A part of him wants to scream, and claw at the Lamb, and wrestle his crown off their head, but another part just wants to cry and beg for help. For water, and food, and for them, hell anyone, to take the pain away.

The Lamb is silent before he caves, and brings the water back to him, and he returns to chugging it. He can feel trickles of water dripping out of his mouth and down his chin, but he doesn't care.

"I'll have to get more..." They murmur, and he thinks it's probably more to themselves than to him.

When the cup runs dry, he's left gasping for air, falling back against the wall, and flinching when it sends waves of aching through him.

"Feel better? Do you need more? Narinder, is this why you've stayed locked up in here? Why didn't you say anything!?" The Lamb waits a long moment before speaking, but when they do the questions come in waves.

"For ten... Seconds... Can you just... Shut. It." He openly glares at them as he gasps out the words- undermining their harshness.

They slam their mouth shut and chew at their bottom lip as they look at him. They clearly want to say more, but ultimately decide against it for the moment. Opting to instead busy themselves with grabbing the food still on his lap and setting it aside, and then going to pick the dresser up.

It doesn't take him long to catch his breath, and when he does, he's left watching the lamb as they start moving around the room, placing the dresser back into its rightful spot with ease. He only has a vague memory of having pushed the dresser in front of the door to begin with but he knows it wasn't- probably still isn't light.

How strong are they? How much of it is the crown's power? His power.

Not anymore.

"Yes. I want more water. And partially, yes, this is why I've stayed in here. That's all you're getting until I get more to drink." He sighs, turning his gaze away from the lamb, closing it just before it collides with a ray of sunlight rudely glaring through the window.

But the painful sunlight is better than the Lamb's wide-eyed gaze pinpointed on him as they contemplate what they said.

"I suppose I've already gotten my 'please' for the day?" They ask, and he snorts.

Almost laughs. Almost.

"Try for the month- year even." He sighs, and as much as he hates doing it, he relaxes.

The water had helped, and he does feel better. A lot better.

"Right, well... I'll be back... We need to talk, Narinder. About everything. Maybe not today, but eventually, and hiding in here isn't going to make that fact go away... So just... Think about it." 

And they're gone before he can give some hissed insult or aggressive remark.

He's tired, but his body has been sleeping for too long, and he's restless. Mentally, and physically. So he waits.

Again. Always waiting.

He's thankful he's not left with that thought for long as the Lamb returns just as it starts to form. The cup is full once more.

"Do you still-" Need my help?

"Yes." Narinder interrupts them before they can finish the sentence, as if not hearing the end of it will somehow nullify the effect it has on his pride to say yes.

The Lamb doesn't push the subject, and just mimics their earlier motion, aiding him in drinking the second cup. He takes it slower this time, letting himself enjoy how it soothes his throat and eases his nausea.

When they pull away again, he's more confident in his ability to meet their eye, and he's haunted by the venomous amount of sympathy he finds in them. Pity.

"So, do you want to explain why your arms are no longer working? Or do you want me to speed run some guesses and you can tell me when I hit the mark?" They offer a gentle smile and he hates it.

He hates how sincere it looks, and he wants to claw it off his face.

He settles for closing his eyes again.

"I've been chained for so long... I could tolerate the pain when I was a god, but now... This mortal body is weak, and suffering the phantom aches of my imprisonment." He confesses.

And everything hurts so bad.

His mind screams.

He flinches when he feels the bed shift, and his eyes shoot open to see the Lamb sitting down on the corner of the bed. They sit a... Safe distance away.

"I... Didn't realize... I knew you'd need to rest after the whole fight, but I guess centuries in chains, unmoving probably hasn't left you feeling great either..." They recap as if that's supposed to make it better.

"Obviously not. While I'm complaining, can you close the window better? Even as a god, my eyes were light-sensitive, hence the veil." He peeks an eye open to observe them as they stand and do what he asks.

"Oh, sure. I had a hunch that was the case, but I also kind of thought it was just for aesthetics... You looked pretty cool in it." They chuckle as they fix the window, and he opens his eyes as the harsh light is subdued.

"Of course I did." He scoffs but makes no further comment on it.

He never thought much about the veil. It was a necessity, to protect his eyes. Kallamar thought it was creepy. Leshy and Heket used to tease him, calling him edgy and that he should just 'deal with the pain'. Shamura was the only one to understand that god or not, the pain was intolerable.

They had even made him a rather nice spider web veil once- that he wore for special events as it was a bit too elegant for everyday occasions. He doesn't know where it is nowadays, most likely lost to time.

"Well, I can see if I can get something like it from Berith. For now, though, I think working on fixing your movement issue takes priority. I've never seen anything like it, so I'll have to ask around. Maybe Noon will know..." He's not sure who the hell Noon is, but that's less important.

"I don't need your-"

"I don't care. I was trying to respect your boundaries, Narinder; I thought 'he needs time to work through his thoughts right now.' and if I pushed you, I'd just make it worse, but this isn't about pushing. You're in pain, and you can't move. That's too big of a problem to just leave you alone to work it out by yourself!" They interrupt and hold out an empty palm, a silent question.

Every inch of him screams not to trust this. His fur raised, and pupils dilated- they probably have been since the moment the Lamb entered the room.

Yet, every other part of him is screaming in pain.

The real answer to the Lambs question is dependent on which instinct screams louder. Distrust or pain?

The pain, the pain, the pain, the pain.

He stretches out his arm. It's shaking less than before at least.

The Lamb is slow and cautious as they reach out and with a feather-light touch, cradling his arm in their hold.

Looking at it now himself, he realizes he was right about the scarring. The embedded chain-like scaring in his bare skin, fur marred and no longer growing there- like some kind of mange. There is still dried blood surrounding the scabbed wounds- deep from what he can feel and tell.

He doesn't doubt that if he moved his wrist around too much they would re-open and start bleeding profusely once again. The same with his ankles, and around his torso.

One glance down confirms it. It's not as bad around his torso, and the wounds are not as deep or as ugly. His fur being an oily, ungroomed wreck doesn't help make it look better though.

He's a mess. A disgusting, wounded mess. It's humiliating.

He can feel his ears pressed to the back of his head in shame as the lamb carefully runs their hand over the wound. He flinches when they run over a particularly deep scab, and they jump back, pulling the offending hand away.

"Sorry! I didn't... This should have been taken care of the moment you arrived, I'm sorry I didn't see to it." They close their eyes for a moment, and when they open them again, there is a fire in them that Narinder nearly flinches again at the sight of.

"Yeah, well... I didn't exactly tell anyone so what could you have done?" He gives a dry laugh, to settle his nerves, and starts to pull his arm back to himself.

"That's no excuse. I'm a leader, and my job's most important part is ensuring my followers are safe and well. I should have known you wouldn't be perfectly fine physically after the fight, I should have... I should have checked on you sooner, even if you clawed my throat out when I tried." They leaned forward to catch his arm gently, examining it once more.

They are silent again, and Narinder watches them carefully as they follow the scarring with their eyes. Up his forearms, upper arms, shoulder, chest, and neck.

All a mess. Like a mangled stray, he both looks and feels like he's gotten into a fistfight with a thorn bush.

And lost.

Eventually, their eyes meet, and the spell of... Whatever is happening, is broken.

He yanks his arm back with a painful hiss, leaning away from the Lamb's suddenly overwhelming amount of attention.

They hold their hands up as they stand, unbothered by the sudden aggression.

"Right. Well, I need to go get a lot of supplies, and then, unless you want me to get someone else to do it, we need to get you cleaned up. You're only going to get worse if we don't." They pause as they're walking away, and turn to him, waiting for his response.

"Like I want any of those mindless mortal morons anywhere near me..." He growls, sinking further into himself.

He's enraged by the Lamb's care and wants to rip them apart.

He's still hungry, but he'd rather die than put more food in his mouth after his first experience.

He's restless, and he wants to be able to move again.

And yet he's so fucking tired at the same time. He's tired of being angry, hungry, and restless. He's tired of fighting against chains they aren't even there anymore. He's tired of waiting.

Always waiting.

But the Lamb doesn't make him wait long.

They're bounding through the curtains- he notices that it's turned gloomy outside- with an armload of bandages, rags, and wooden jars of something.

"I have to run outside again, Theo's holding the water, but I figured you wouldn't want anyone coming in." They toss all of the supplies at the end of the bed, near his feet, and he peers at them, trying to figure out what the jars are.

He hardly notices they left again they're back so quickly, with a large wooden basin of water, that they sit on the ground next to the bed as they sit down next to them.

They sit closer this time, and he bites back a hiss as their leg brushes against his.

They pause when they see the clear cringe adorning his features.

"... I know this isn't the best-case scenario for you, but you have to know that I'm just trying to make things easier for you, so please, just let me help..." They sigh and lean away to give him space to adjust.

Easier for him?

How is their help meant to make anything easier? Even if they could snap their fingers and erase all the pain in his body, there is nothing they can do to rid him of... Of this.

This embarrassment and humiliation of needing the very person who put him in this position to help him out of it.

To put bandages on his wounds, a roof over his head, and act like everything is perfectly fine now.

Like he can just move on, and forgive and forget? Become another happy, brainless little follower in their cult, doing whatever they ask and worshipping the ground they walk on?

No. He can never do that. Not when he knows what the Lamb truly is.

Just a pathetic mortal made god via deceit and betrayal. The last of their kind, and a heretic no better than the ones they go about massacring on their crusades.

And this guilt, and pity that he sees in their eyes as they watch him think?

A confirmation. They're doing this to make themselves feel better. Not to help. But to ease their guilt, to try and absolve themselves of their crimes.

He hates them.

He does not doubt it, and no amount of their help will ever change that fact. None of their help will ever make this burning anger in his chest cool, or the venom lacing his tongue evaporate.

None of it will take away the heavy grief that presses on his lungs, making it hard to breathe. Grief that everything he did, everything that he had the Lamb do, was for nothing.

He's still trapped. This time with the very being meant to have freed him.

"I will let you help me. I will let you treat my wounds, bring me food, and upgrade my home all you want, but make no mistake, Lamb. I hate you. I will always hate you. No matter how desperately you try to prove yourself to me, I have nothing left in my heart but resentment, and anger when I see you. You, from this moment on, will be nothing but the bane of my fucking immortal existence." He hisses, with so much poison in his voice, he's sure even Heket would be impressed if she could hear him now.

He watches as the Lamb's eyes widen, and his face contorts with a mix of emotion. Confusion. Anger. Hurt.

He watches as they open and close their mouth, clearly too shocked to string a proper sentence together.

He watches as water begins to well in their eyes, tears prickling the corners.

He watches as they swiftly stand and move away towards the door and out of the shelter.

And in the end, his fists clench. The pain shooting through his arms is ignored as another, overwhelming emotion, that simply must be this mortal body's fault clouds his mind and weighs heavy on his shoulders, sinking him further into himself.

Guilt.

~~~

Brownie points to anyone who caught the Fairly Odd Parents joke.

Anyway, I feel like I should preface things for the next chapter by saying Narilamb is currently VERY one-sided. The Lamb has feelings for Narinder that you'll see in the future, but Narinder truly never picked up on them, and his anger and hate are very much the only things he feels toward the Lamb. FOR NOW. Eventually, he'll have some more existential crisis about it. But not now Kitten Whiskers, Daddy will discuss it later. (Ya'll better get that. If you don't, I can't help you.)

[warrior-cats-rewritten]

Changes made to Crowfeather so far:

Deadfoot passed when he was a baby, and he feels a tad of pressure on himself. No one has put this on him.

He has a very strong bond with his mother Ashfoot, sister Downpaw, and brother Hillpaw. Eaglefoot, his older brother, was a bit busy with his own apprentice, but still obviously family.

Losing Downpaw and Eaglefoot to sickness from a poisoned rabbit is what finally makes him listen to Starclan, because he does not want other cats to feel that pain. He does it for the future of Windclan, for his grieving Clanmates.

He had a rivalry with Nightpaw (Nightcloud). She had a habit of outshining him in battle training. His jaw hit the floor when he learned she had been given her name early (and as an Honour Title no less!)

He has a "friendship" with Cranberrypaw. He likes his personal space. She also likes his personal space. He doesn't hate her, but she's so cheerful and bouncy that she is a bit tiring to watch. He is very happy she makes friends with Squirrelpaw.

He does not have a romantic bond with Feathertail. She is much more like a big sister. She cares heavily about the younger cats on the Journey, which now has more apprentices (Crowpaw, Cranberrypaw, Smokepaw, Squirrelpaw, Leafpaw and Shrewpaw).

Traveling with Leafpaw let them build a real bond, and he truly loved her. No more Leafpool hanging off a cliff larping as Feathertail. He is also a HUGE Fire Law supporter.

"The Code is old, and restricting, if the Code is meant to keep cats from LOVING one another.... Then it needs to change."

He faced off against his radicalized brother, Hillfang, during the Battle of Mudclaw. He kills his own brother. Hillfang's body rolls down the hill and his Blood begins to trickle towards the Lake.

He and Leafpool discussed names for kits. It's were they got Lionkit and Jaykit from. He always wanted a big family, and this is a huge trait of his, especially since he loses so many.

He was so prepared to go to Thunderclan to be with Leafpool, but he saw Onewhisker struggling with Mudclaw's Coup and knew he needed to once again think of the future of his own Clan. I cannot stress enough: He Does Not Want To Be In Windclan Anymore.

He and Nightcloud were BOTH in hot water after the Battle of Mudclaw. Girl is a Kitty War Criminal. She killed a guy by somewhat accident (meant to hurt him, did not mean to slit his throat. Don't think "oopsie" is gonna get you off the hook on a murder charge.) and ALL of Windclan is watching them.

"If we start a family, look like we're settling. Maybe we'll be forgiven. They still see both of us as young and irresponsible, we can win back their trust."

When Leafpool told him she was pregnant, he once again tried to leave Windclan, but she was so overwhelmed with emotion (thanks unborn Jaykit) that she ran off. He also realized that with Windclan's changing political atmosphere, if he left now, war would most likely break out. Onestar was cracking under the weight of leadership and the cats of Windclan were demanding that Thunderclan get away from them.

He only trains Heathertail officially. He gives less official training to Featherpelt when Nightcloud goes missing, but Featherpaw goes straight back to her old mentor after.

He does NOT disown the three. He actually really loves them. His relationship with Breezepelt is... strained.

He loves him. He wants to love him. But he doesn't want to be with Nightcloud. He never wanted to be with Nightcloud. Being together was a mistake on both their parts and they were better as just casual rivals when they could easily walk away from each other. He hates that he made that choice and wishes to undo it. But.... does that mean Breezepelt shouldn't exist? What about Smokekit and Dusk-kit? He wants to be close with his son, but his son a living wildfire, and he already never wanted to have kits with Nightcloud, and he still hates being in Windclan... It's hard to think about.

It's complicated. It's frustrating. He doesn't deal with it well, and neither does Breezepelt. They butt heads more than a couple of rams and it doesn't help that Breezepelt is so damn intelligent, light years ahead of "head in the clouds Crowfeather". Their personalities just don't click, and it takes The Great Battle for him to realize how isolated it made Breezepelt feel. Foresight is not this guy's specialty.

He and Nightcloud do agree on one thing though. They love that Whitetail was Breezepaw's mentor. She helped satisfy his need to test and try everything and LEARN things, and had a sarcasm level that matched little Breezey P.

A Broken Crow's Nest is one third Crowfeather's story (the other thirds obviously being Nightcloud and Breezepelt). Crowfeather's ending is that he... Leaves. He finally leaves Windclan behind and congratulates Breezepelt on being made deputy, saying sorry for being a stubborn fart of a father, and he is glad Nightcloud is such a wonderful mom.

He also tells Pickletail a lot of things Breezepelt likes and dislikes, and that Pickletail will be a better father to him than Crowfeather was, and a MUCH better mate flr Nightcloud. (Breezepelt LOVES Pickletail.)

He leaves for Thunderclan, where he finally relaxes for the first time since he ran away so long ago. He gains a lot of weight (Fat Crowfeather SWEEP), and discovers a joy in Camp Keeping and some bird hunting. He connects with his other kits, and gets the chance to mentor... Baypaw!

He is subjected to HEAVY discrimination during TBC, Baypaw is taken from him and given to another cat more loyal to Bramblestar.

"You are a Code Breaker, Lostfeather. And I'm sure Starclan doesn't need a cat like you corrupting the minds of youths."

He joins the rebellion and highly supports Hollyleaf trying to get lives from Starclan.

He is NOT a Light In The Mist. That honour goes to Breezepelt and Leaftail.

In Windclan, he was considered UGLY. Guy was a 1/10. Nightcloud is a 10. No one understood what she "saw in him" and wondered what he must have done to get her attention. In Thunderclan, now that he is fat and more well groomed, he is a more 4 or 5.

As of River, he is now chilling with Leafpool, waiting patiently with her for her other mate Mothwing (Bi Poly Leafpool SWEEP) to cross the border into Thunderclan. It sure is taking a while. Hope Frostpaw's training comes along nicely so she can leave. She's been more high strung lately, more nervous...