#doesnt make sense in my head for him to be close enough to anyone else for this

[waddei]

full story behind these images (6.5k words open at your own risk)

pacing back and forth in the damp grass roman bit his nails waiting for tomas to pick up the phone.

“cmon…cmon…”  

his boots splashes on the muddy puddles, staining his soles.

“fuck..” 

a small click from the phone made him jump.

“tom thank god-”

“what do you want” his friend whisper shouts. voice as always a strange mix between quiet but assertive.

“i need your help” he says with far too little shame for someone calling in the middle of the night.

the wind hit his back harsher than before now, dark clouds swerved above him and he could only pray that the night ended with a storm. He can imagine himself, staring through the window at the flooding street with a grin, watching the rushing  mud and sand wash the town clean. 

tom doesn't  answer,but thats normal by now.

“its important” he begs, a ‘please’ goes unsaid for his own egos sake.

“lets meet at our spot shall we?” he sounds as frantic as his heartbeat feels, tom mooks him from the comfort of his home with an intentionally loud sip of his mug.

he doesnt let the distance stop him from feeling those hollow green eyes stare down at him

“what did you do” tom asks, impatient. for what though, roman doesn't know, that sense of hurry around him never faded.

he swallows as he looks down at his feet. resting next to them in the grass was the man's head, his nose had long stopped bleeding and lifeless eyes stared up at him in long ignored plea of mercy, they were starting to gloss over. roman bit back a sound of disgust.

“i cant tell you right now.just come here” 

tom gave a long heavy sigh “my brother’s sleeping” he said, like it mattered at all.

“do i look like i care?" he snarled “bring your bike too if you're coming”

the body below him caught his eye again. it was fairly tall,only a few inches short of himself,which was impressive in its own right. 

“two trash bags too if you happen to have any”

“two?” 

“yes… two”

tom huffed and the call was cut with no goodbye, again ,not unusual but it never failed to annoy him.

with a groan he squats down in the grass, careful not to stain his jeans neither green nor red. 

he feels unseeing eyes  burn his back.the body had not moved, obviously, its mouth hanged open after having its last words die on his tongue.

He doubts he would have had anything of value to say anyways.

The bastard,miserable not unlike himself, chose to go down swearing until the very end when, after the reality of his situation dawned on him, he began pleading and bargaining like he was talking to the devil. which, if you where to ask anyone else, he was.

his last words where as nonsensical as they were a threat.

Roman doubts it'll amount to anything, after all the plan was to not get caught.

as for the rest of ‘the plan’ as he likes to call it: it didn't have any more steps for now. at least until tom got here, he'll figure it out from there.

He looks up at the moon,bright and unusually big. She sat in the sky directly above him like an otherworldly spotlight parting through the clouds with little struggle,he revels in it even if just for a moment. his childish fascination with her never quite faded.

the wind continued to ruin his moment, swaying tree branches dangerously close to his face, his jacket wasn't enough to keep out the cold, shamefully he wrapped his arms around himself.

a leaf smacks him in the face. He rips the small branch out.

‘tom should be on his way already’-he thinks to distract himself- ‘if he's even coming’.

he's sure he will, where else would he go?

man of habit he is,he’ll find his way here eventually even if roman hadn't called him, he's sure of that.  hed make his rounds like he always does and, eventually, they'd meet again even if he didnt move an inch until then.

he doesn't want to move really,not at all. feeling like he's putting his life on the line if he leaves the corpse alone.

walking through the dense vegetation wasn't easy, he envies the ease tom seemed to have with it.

He makes it to a clearing in the bushes, a familiar checkpoint when traversing the landscape that tom had originally shown  him.

he skips right through it this time, heading for a particular tall tree that stood out against the horizon.

at its base was everything he ever needed. 

Tom, with his bike and two large trash bags pooling out of his cammo vests pockets.

his head snaps to look at him once he crosses the threshold to ‘their place’.

a nice, semi enclosed area by the base of a tree older than everyone they've ever meet where a fallen log made a makeshift bench. tom was sitting on it with his bike next to him. 

wordlessly and shielding his shaking hands he motions for him to follow and  Tom does so with a disinterested look.

roman begins leading him to the scene.

tom jumps over the bushes roman had gotten his pants caught on before. “what did you do?” he asks, verbatim as he had done so on the phone. roman ignores him and hops over a hole in the dirt, tom follows and he helps him haul his bike over it.

they reach the clearing, small drops of water already drizzling made each blade of grass sparkle.

 tom stares at them as he always does,roman assumes a certain fascination with it might exist but the boy's eyes remain as painfully neutral as they always do.

he does not bother hurrying him up as he too takes a moment to stare, only he looks up at the moon instead, trying to  steady his trembling hands.

they move on once tom grows bored of watching the ants or whatever. Roman leads him to the other semi cleared area where he knew the body was.

parting the bushes for tom like the gentleman he is, he lets him take a good look at the scene before saying anything. He takes note of how wide his eyes grow as he scans the ground in front of him. a horrified look begins to paint itself on his face.

it doesn't last much, the small flash of emotion was quickly drowned out by  his usual apathetic look. 

“what did you do?” he asks for the third time, carefully looking at him up and down with a hint of disgust showing through the ice.

“i think its obvious”  roman jumps over closer to the body and further away from tom.

“i fucked up..” he sais with his hands on his hips in a vain attempt a showmanship. “went a bit too far this time”

tom crouches down near his foot and near the man's head, his eyes go wide again when he makes eye contact with it. he watches incredulously as roman, nonchalantly,  nudges an arm with his foot.

“i think i might need some help” its a bold thing to admit for someone like him, tom doesn't fail to notice it.

greyish green eyes narrow on him like a hawk and with a single precise motion he throws the trash bags at his feet.

“im not touching it” he declares with a tone that leaves no room for argument. 

 that's fine, a sensible boundary even. all he needed was the bike and the bags. He opens up the folded bags and lays them in the ground next to the body while avoiding his friends stare.

“welp” he announces to no one, for he knows tom isn't paying attention. “lets get to work”

with more effort than expected he sits the man,dead as he was, against a short stump.

a  phone falls out of his pockets in the meanwhile, tom immediately smashes it below his foot. roman jumped “whats your problem?”

“they can track that” he stomps on it again for good measure.

“i could have sold it-”

“tell me what happened” 

tomas isn't someone he’d call intimidating. the boy was as thin as one can get and a full head shorter than him, but he was hard to read. impossible even. it scared roman in a very specific way he struggled to explain. 

he sighs, with the stars as witnesses he pulls the man's legs closer to his chest.

“well we were just supposed to fight. fucker slipped me a note with a date and place and i just came-uhmp!” He struggled with folding the arms over the chest.

“and?” tom pressed.

“well i had a bad day! and He was pissing me off more than usual..” he takes one last look at the mans’s face, ridden with  bruises and with an undeniably broken nose, his eyes couldn't glare at him anymore. “so once i had him down i just kept stomping on his head”

it felt strange to admit it so easily. tom winced and looked away back to the clearing.roman  took this as a cue to finally fit the first bag over the corpse's head. it covered it all the way to his hips as he expected.

the legs turn out to be much harder to lift than anticipated but he makes due without help. Once the two bags meet he ties them both together at various points until the body is fully secured inside, clumsily  wrapped like a home cooked meal.

he giggles at the thought,Tomas glares at him again.

"we have to get this out of sight somehow" he mumbles "do you still have that shovel in your garage?"

Tom doesn't answer, but he does not freeze either. He stares intently at him, watching him struggle to balance the body on the bike;he sets it with its legs between the front bar where he,while driving, could hold it still.

struggling to drive the bike through the bushes he almost misses Tom silently walking away.

"hey!"  he almost loses hold of the handles. "where are you going?" 

the boy jumps the bushes into the clearing. his hair  sways violently with the wind but Tomas never seemed to mind the way it covered his eyes at random.

"you want the shovel right?" he spits,not bothering to look back at him.

A smile creeps up his face and he bares his teeth like a child;far too giddy even for his own comfort he watches his friend walk away. 

in the meanwhile a thought emerges, unwanted and uncalled for, a little voice inside himself that trembled and stuttered at every word like he's sure he used to  'what if he tells on you' it whispers into his ear 'what if he tells his brother' 

he groans, pushing the bike up another bush. tomas wouldn't, he barely fucking talks in the first place. that won't happen.

the bag slumps forward,too distracted to catch it he lets the corpse hit its head against the front wheel.

he snorts imagining how it's nose must have flattened against it. his shoulders immediately sag after, there's a dirty feeling that comes with laughing at a corpse,no less one you've killed.

He reaches a big rock, too big to jump over,too heavy to lift and too annoying to push the bike around.

scanning the skyline he sees nothing but short,spiky bushes and scattered trees in front of him. the already dim lights of the town were completely lost from sight. the wind lifted up the sandy ground into his eyes but aside from that? it was a perfect spot.

He sets the bag on the ground, letting the bike and himself rest.

now he waits.

He can do nothing without something to dig with. He can get as many rocks out the way as he wants but that in the end doesn't take too long.

he looks up, the moon hadn't moved much from when he last saw her,now without branches to bother him the ghostly light pools over him.The stars shine brighter here in the open field, they occasionally peek from behind the rapidly moving clouds. He lets himself relax,leaning over the hard rock. even with the cold freezing his face a sigh escapes him, carelessly he kicks the bag away and rests his legs over another rock. thunders threatens to make the sky fall on him,he cant bring himself to care.

the beating inside his chest slows down for the first time since the man's head hit the floor. leaves and sand fly at his face so his eyes shut on their own.

'hes taking too long' the meek voice whispers. Tom's house was not too far, but without his bike it's quite the trip. He's not taking detours, his brother was asleep. 

‘shut the fuck up’ he mentally yells at it.

his head drifts and he slowly sinks down as he lets himself lay down more and more against the rock.

ignoring the way the cold bites at  his skin he rests.

with his eyes closed he can't tell if hes asleep or not until  he feels movement on the bushes.

before he can open his eyes to check he's smacked in the stomach with a blunt object.

roman jumps to his feet, hands balled up and ready to fight but before him stood tomas. with a shovel.

"thank God" his hands fall to his sides again.

Tom's hands extend, silently offering him the shovel.

he takes it with a quick remark."you scared me"  

tomas ignores him again and sits down on a different rock a few steps away, staring at the floor he snaps a branch off one of the nearby bushes.

"well!" he dusts his pants off, mostly to amuse himself "I better get to work now! 

the shovel was small, not meant for anything more than some mild garnering or playing in the sand. it stood to about his knee when he stuck it in the ground;still he had to make this work.

bit by bit he began shoveling the sandy dirt out of the way,he would have been sweating hadn't he already been freezing.

"y'know when you mentioned-" the shovel struck a rock, he struggled to lift it up again "having a shovel I wasn't expecting it to be so-" the rocks pops out the ground successfully "small"

he complains to the wind, because tom wasn't listening and even if he was he was not going to respond.

"should have told me it was more of a toy than anything-"

"there's blood in your hands now" tom cuts him off, fancying himself a cryptic bastard all of a sudden.

roman scoffs "no there isn't,I get any on me" 

the conversation, if you could even call it that, dies there. buried with the other guy most likely.

dry grass swayed, some of it stuck to his hair, some brushed at his arms and legs.

most of it he ripped off.

Tom's wordless stare burned on his back, but at least he wasn't alone. his own heartbeat set a rhythm for the shovel going in and out the dirt. the mount behind him grew bigger as the stars moved closer to the Horizon.

"it's 4:36 already" the boy  spoke up eventually.

roman took the last bit of dirt off the hole. "I'm almost done" carelessly he began pushing the bag into the it  with his foot.

tomas waits for the wind to quit loudly howling on their ears to speak again . "my brother wakes up at 5:30" 

he clicks his tongue, being a little meaner than he intended  "I don't care-" 

"he'll notice if I'm gone,give me the shovel back"

roman ignores him, instead hitting the bag with it, making it go down further into the dirt.

"give me 5 more minutes with it" he argues, not bothering to wait for a response.

quickly he covers the hole back up and, as soon as he dusts his hands and before he declares his work done, tom rips the shovel out of his hands. roman doesn't protest when their eyes lock for a second too long.

he stares at the ground where he knows the body is. only shooting a goodbye to Tom once he hears him pick his bike up.

he doesn't doubt the boy waved at him.

he always did.

He picked  his bike up and drove through the terrain like it was nothing, roman knows he has been here before, but he doubts he'll come  back.

confidently roman adds ‘corpses’ to his (mental and very short) list of things he knows  tomas does not like.it sat comfortably next to some classics like: ‘talking’,‘strawberries’ and  ‘staying still’

he giggles at it, although more concerning probably was that he couldn't name a single thing tom liked aside from walking and probably the color green, nor a single other  person he knew aside from himself and his brother.

a brother that to this day remained unnamed. 

He has fun imagining what he'd be like sometimes, there's plenty of time to kill during the day after all. 

‘he probably wouldn't like to meet you’ a weaker version of himself comments, he ignores it.

a single drop soaking through his jacket was enough to drag him back to reality.

the clouds had grown darker, they obscured the moon completely now.

he fills his chest with the salty humid air one last time before turning his back on the burial and heading back the same way Tom had.

he avoids the kill site and prays to no god in particular that the rain was enough to wash it all clean. it was starting to pick up now so the world might be on his side after all.

He reaches the port before he does any roads, the rotten wooden docks left much to be desired but he was used to them now, as a child he had enjoyed watching the crabs that lived under it bury themselves in the sand. the river led directly to the sea. Fisher boats rested on the sand,some new and shiny, most  rusted and abandoned for tourists to take pictures next to.

bright yellow street lamps made the raindrops much more evident. 

taking the chance he looked at his reflection in a closed storefront, he looked as he always had,just a bit more wet. his mask was getting a bit  uncomfortable but it stayed on.

the paved road was the longest way back but he takes it anyway,more mud on his shoes wouldn't be ideal. He blindly walks until he reaches one of the two main roads in the town with a stoplight in it.  he turns right, avoiding walking by it for too long, the backstreets being even more empty if this was possible.

thunder roared above him and a smile tugged at his lips. almost immediately the light rain turned into a violent outpour,but that didn't matter, he could see his house from here already.

doing his best to not wake anyone up Roman limbs to his window like he always does though this time the heavy rain helps disguise the noise.

before he sets foot inside,still sitting on the windowsill, he take this shoes off and carries them to the bathroom.

the jacket lands in the floor and his pants on top of the toilet as he tears his soaked clothes off without much care and almost trips trying to plug the hairdryer on.

he sets it balanced against a shampoo bottle and pointing at his jacket, hoping to dry it while he, using a random brush his mom used to clean the ceramic, aggressive cleaned the mud off his shoes in the shower. 

in the meantime the rain got worse-or better if you where to ask him. his mom's carefully pruned garden began to flood and soon so did the street. the dirt ones-he assumes-aren't doing much better.

he gets giddy at what that means for him tonight.

He dries his clothes, washes his hair and cleans his shoes. by the time he's done it's nearing 7am already.

he goes to sleep, the rain still falling above the house served well for white noise.

the trees outside slammed their branches into his window but his eyes remained shut.

the brewing storm outside promised flow but he didn't care.

his brother was snoring again, he could hear it even with the wind whistling louder and louder. javier was a heavy sleeper, tomas envied him for that.

deep breath after deep breath he failed to fall asleep for the third night in a row,though at least today he had more of an excuse. the branches scratching at his window are more than distracting.

he stares at the back of his eyelids for some time, he can feel the gears on his alarm clock ticking,the hands moving 

every second.

every minute.

every hour.

it marked 2:30 am.

too tired to sleep, Tomas springs out of his bed in frustration.

his feet blindly find his slippers and he's off to the hallway in less than 3 steps.

he takes a practiced route to the kitchen, practically blind he feels the texture of the floor change From the more textured tiles of the hallway to the smooth, cream colored ones on the kitchen. he pries his eyes open but the darkness doesn't get any better until he hits the light switch next to the door.

the wind makes the windows shake and creak, it drowns over the sound of the cabinet opening perfectly.

the movement is near automatic when he fills a small pot with water and sets it on the stove. tomas opens the gas tank and lights the burner on.

from a small box his mother had left them behind he takes a teabag while the water boils.

the kitchen small window leaked the same way it had been leaking since they where kids, tomas stepped over the small puddle to grab his cup from the cabinet and brew himself something warm.

as he blows on it, the phone at the corner of the room lights up. 

at this hour and  with this climate there was only one person that could call.

so,at this hour and with this climate tom let's it ring for a minute or two while stirring his drink.

roman is persistent, and eventually he lets himm get his way.

"tom thank god-" wind  came through the other end stronger than his voice.

"what do you want"

he hears roman swallow "I need your help"

aware of how those words burned his tongue yhe lets them sit in the air.

Uncaring, he waits for roman to get tired of waiting.

"it's important" he clarifies uselessly "let's meet at out spot shall we?" he rushed over his words, trembling slightly.

the  cold must be getting to him-tomas thinks. he wraps his hand around the warm mug and takes a sip, loudly savoring it.

he can feel roman grow impatient. 

"what did you do" he asks him, wary of the volume in his voice to not wake his brother up even with the incoming storm raging outside.

roman swallows, he hears  the gears on his head turning even though the heavy winds. his tongue clicks a few times while he's lost in thought.

“i cant tell you right now.just come here” 

tomascarefully eyes the hallway, still dark and with only javi's  snores coming through.he gave a long sigh.

 “my brother's sleeping” he said,more so as a comment than an excuse.

“do i look like i care?" roman  growled at him, needlessly angry like always “bring your bike too if you're coming”

he went quiet again, tomas wished he could see his face at least. He hated talking through the phone.

he hears him take another deep breath, “two trash bags too if you happen to have any”  

the wind filled the silence on both sides,his brother was still sleeping.

“two?” tomas eyes the drawer where javier keeps them.

“yes… two”

he hangs up,taking another sip in the meanwhile.

the dots are not hard to connect, it was going to happen eventually.

his fingers curled tightly around the cup.

with a deep breath tomas dumps the remaining tea down the drain and rushes to the hallway.

at the end of it was his brothers door, halfway open and with its handle poorly painted. 

"javi" he calls out, quiet enough to not wake him up but loud enough that if he where to be awake he'd hear it. 

the only answer he gets is a loud snore. 

avoiding looking at himself in the hallway mirror like always he makes his way to his room.

the curtains where drawn, the orange fabric tinted gray by the dark sky behind it.

He closes the blinds like he should have before going to sleep.

his bedsheets were still in the mess he had left them in and they will stay like that for now.

tomas changes out of his old pajama shorts in favor of a pair of dark jeans, over his shirt he throws on a dark long sleeved one and then a puffy vest after hearing the wind seemingly pick up even more.

he doesn't take his phone with him, roman was an idiot for taking his.

He stands before the wooden door now, heavy and old it'll surely wake javier up if he opens it. the keys dangling were already too noisy for him to feel safe holding them. The 3 locks taunted him. not to mention the extra bar door outside with its extra two locks, he took his eyes away from it when the window creaked once again.

it led to the patio, right in front of the grill they never use.

he took off the teaspoon that had been acting as a lock for years now after the wooden hook had snapped on an storm not too dissimilar from this one.

the wind immediately threw the glass open and he fought to keep them from slapping against the wall.

tomas grinded his teeth, climbing on top of the couch and pilling on the cushions behind him to block the window he eventually took the small leap into the outside.

immediately he doubled over shivering. warm air form his mouth formed vapor clouds in front of him. 

he rushed down the stairs to the street, taking a sharp turn to the garage he where fiddles for a minute with the lock. the gates draw sand with them when they open and next to javiers beat up sienna  was his bike, slightly rusted from pedaling in the sand.

the fig tree swayed it's branches dangerously low to the ground and to his face, it slapped the back of his head as a goodbye when he jumps the front gate.

he braces himself under the yellow streetlight, getting on his bike the wind hits even harder.

knowing the dirt street like the back of his hands he swiftly dodges potholes and rocks. passing by the same houses he always did, Tomas takes the last street along to the beach all the way to the very back of the town.

his heart races when he spots the bushes he's about to go into.

the empty, wild terrain, was uninhabited.tainted only sometimes and near the road with attempts at building makeshift houses or old tent set ups abandoned. he never bothered fucking with any of them.

above the unfinished foundation and trash stood an unfinished two story house, all bare bricks except for it's roof which had surprisingly been finished but now was partially caving in.

he ignored it for now. he knew what it's inside looked like down to every graffiti painted, but it served as a nice checkpoint to know where he was going.

turning a sharp left from the front of the house where  the bushes began to become trees one large one stood out, literally, above the rest.

his second checkpoint.

‘their spot'

he gets there with ease, and now he waits. thankfully not for long.

the cold humid air was soured when roman, panting and trembling, jumped over the bushes to meet him.

he doesn't say as much as a hello. only becoming him to follow.

so Tomas, against his better judgment and like he always does, follows.

looking from side to side every time a leaf swayed Roman led the way, clearly not comfortable having his back turned on him he looks back to meet green tired eyes multiple times. they narrow on him, and tomas is  sure he can feel it.

“what did you do” he asks, just like he had before.

roman stutters in his step, almost tripping on the grass, but he doesn't respond. he silently offers help to haul his bike over a hole,tomas takes it.

they reach a clearing in the trees soon enough. the air became thick and uncomfortable almost immediately. it's an energy tomas  can't describe, but he's sure he knows what it is deep inside.

he stops, bowing his head down to think.

roman gladly waits for him, spelling out that he, in a way, didn't want to continue either;he stares at the moon with silent guilt weighing his eyes.

they moved on eventually, when tomas wraps his head around the atmosphere and roman quits brooding the later parts the bushes for the former.

tom jumps without looking ahead.

previously blocked by Romans back he saw a man, unconscious, laying in the grass.

his eyes glazed over.

his mouth hanged open.

his face with no spot left unbruised.

he saw a man,dead, laying on the grass

“what did you do?” tomas asks for the third time. eyeing Roman up and down with barely disguised disgust showing I'm his eyes.

“i think its obvious”  roman jumps over closer to the body and further away from himself.  “i fucked up” he says with faux boredom coating his tongue  “went a bit too far this time”

tomas crouches down near the man's head, inspecting with a heavy hearth it's expression twisted in a final scream of anguish.

he watches incredulously as roman, with needles fake casualty nudges an arm with his foot. “i think i might need some help” 

tomas, understaiding, tosses the bags his way. “I'm not touching it”

roman huffs.

“welp” he announces, ignoring the way tomas burns his eyes into him “lets get to work”

tomas watches him struggle with the body, trying to make it sit. 

the man's phone falls out his Pockets and he panics. He immediately smashes it below his foot.

roman jumped “whats your problem?”

“they can track that” he stomps on it again for good measure.

“i could have sold it-” roman whines.

“tell me what happened” he more or less barks at him, wincing at the volume of his own voice.

roman gives a shaky sigh, pleading to the sky for strength to help him pull the man's legs closer to his chest while he talks.

“well,we were just supposed to fight” his gaze drifted over the body, faltering for only one second before continuing. 

“fucker slipped me a note with a date and place and i just came-uhmp!” he interrupted himself, struggling with the bodies limbs.

“and?” tom pressed.

“well i had a bad day! and He was pissing me off more than usual..” he splutters, throwing the dead man a Nasty look like he could see it. “so once i had him down i just kept stomping on his head”

his gut twists in disgust. roman, completely occupied with the task at hand, didn't notice.

he turns his eyes back to the clearing where the soft grass swayed in the strong wind.

tomas hears roman fitting the bags over the man.  a soft giggle, tone-deaf if you where to ask him, leaves his lips when he finishes. he doesn't know what came first, if the head or the legs but when he turns his head to glare at roman the man is fully covered.

"we have to get this out of sight somehow”

roman talks to himself.

tomas bites his tongue.‘we is a strong word’

unaware roman keeps going "do you still have that shovel in your garage?” 

not waiting for an answer roman grabs his bike like it belonged to him and,with little consideration for its owner standing behind him, balances the bags on it. 

he hopes he can feels his eyes burning his back. 

he watches, still struggling to believe it all, how his friend handled the corpse like it was no more than an inconvenience, cursing quietly to himself trying to thread the bike over a bush.

he'd love to be surprised to see the utter lack of care on the man's eyes.

he's grown accustomed to it,it always lingered whenever he talked about anything that wasn't himself,though tomas struggled to call him narcissistic; there's a slight difference between believing you're above everything and believing everything is below you. 

a certain nihilism always accompanies the latter. he knew this to be true, roman wasn't particularly shy about it. pessimistic anger coated his every word when they pertained to the world outside their own bubble.

he watches the only person outside his own brother that he's directed as much as a word towards in the last 6 months struggle with the corpse of the man he’d just killed.

silently as always, he makes a choice and jumps into the clearing.

"hey!" his friend calls out  "where are you going?" 

"you want the shovel right?" He avoids romans eyes. not letting him see the guilt welling on his own.

As soon as he's out of sight he sprints through the trees, blindly jumping and dodging until he hits the road again. out of breath he pushes himself, filling his mind with every minute detail of the dirt road below his feet to black out any other thoughts.

his chest burns already when he reaches his own street. With Every step he took  he could imagine his brother, arms crossed in the kitchen table, maybe drinking a coffee, maybe staring coldly at the door. waiting for him.

his voice, always weighed down with worry, would ask him where he went; and tomas, the weak man he is, would not be able to lie.

not to him.

he reaches the crossroad his house sat on, old and weathering with a certain charm that was lost in everyone but him.

the lights were all off still.

he jumps the first ,low, gate.going up the concrete stairs only to peek inside .he saw the kitchen empty. his legs give up in relief but his heart still pounds on his throat.

he went down the stairs again, letting his eyes linger on every leaf the tree besides it had to offer. in summer,it would blossom in beautiful pink but the wind didn't let him entertain that idea too much.

it didn't take him long to find the shovel. he gripped it in his hands like his life depended on it, but he didnt take  off with it, not instantly as he’s sure roman would hope.

he could turn back. climb back up the stairs and go back to bed.

he could call the police too, but the thought of not seeing roman again didn't feel right.

 only once did he consider himself behind bars too, it occurred to him in that moment that he cared very little where he got to spend the rest of his life, only his brother's imaginary disappointed-no- disgusted glare really moved him.

forcing himself to make a choice he again picks the worse one and takes off running again, now with the shovel clenched tightly to his chest

he gets to the crime scene and runs north from there, following the tracks of his own bike in what little dirt was left uncovered by vegetation.

roman;the man of the hour, sleep like a baby on a rock.he envied  him really.

slowly he approached, stalking just above the grass like a predator about to pounce, he sees the man stir as he raises the shovel.

in an anger fuelled attempt at playfulness tomas hits roman in the stomach with non insignificant strength.

roman yells and jumps to his feet, fists clumsily balled up in mockery of what could be a fighting stance. his eyes focus soon enough  tough and he lets his hands fall.

“thank god, you scared me” he lets the shovel be handed to him with no comment.tomas sits down on a different rock a few steps away, staring at the floor he snaps a branch off one of the nearby bushes.

"well!" roman dusts his pants off for show "I better get to work now! 

blindly he hears him struggle and lift the dirt from off the ground, occasionally feeling specks of it fly into his face.

"y'know when you mentioned-" the shovel struck a rock, roman struggled to lift it up again "having a shovel I wasn't expecting it to be so-" he pops it out the ground "small"

he complains like always, not really waiting for a response. even now tomas appreciated it to some degree.

not enough to fully ignore everything sadly. 

"should have told me it was more of a toy than anything-"

"there's blood in your hands now" tomas cuts his rambling off with a warning. a remainder he hopes will make it through that thick skull.

roman  scoffs "no there isn't,I get any on me"  he deflects, simple but effective it sent a very clear message.

‘i dont care’

silence,like always, is king between the both of them until tomas checks his watch.

"it's 4:36 already" he spoke up.

roman took the last bit of dirt off the hole. "I'm almost done" carelessly he began pushing the bag into the hole with his foot.

distantly the wind kept howling. tomas waited for it before he spoke again.

"my brother wakes up at 5:30" 

javier still had work early in the morning on saturdays.

roman clicked his tongue "I don't care-" 

"he'll notice if I'm gone,give me the shovel back"

tomas  demanded,but roman didn't listen, instead hitting the bag with it, making it go down further into the dirt.

"give me 5 more minutes with it" he argues. Tomas doesn't even bother to look back to him, nodding a yes hes sure roman didnt turn around for.

quickly he covers the hole back up and, as soon as he dusts his hands and before he declares his work done, tom rips the shovel out of his hands. roman doesn't protest when their eyes lock.

he runs again for the fourth time that night, reluctantly waving on his way out, mostly out of habit.

hes only a couple of steps away from his house when the sky gives in.

making his way into the kitchen he can hear his brother still snoring  loudly in his room.

He throws his clothes into the washer with the rest of the pile and starts the cycle, careful not to make too much noise, before going back to bed.

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

There is not enough gale x wizard!tav in the world (bonus points if they're a tiefling)

𝕀𝕥 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕤 𝕤𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕣𝕕 𝕗𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕒 𝕨𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕣𝕕 <𝟛𝟛

ℂ𝕣𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕥𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕕𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕘𝕠𝕖𝕤 𝕥𝕠 @𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕡𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕤-𝕟-𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖! 𝔾𝕠 𝕗𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕨 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕦𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕚𝕣 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕜!!

𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕤𝕠 𝕞𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕣𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘!!

@gayaristocrat

Gale x Wizard!Reader

While there are plenty of wizards in Faerun, it was a treat to have the constant company of one for months on end for Gale

After being completely isolated from anyone (except Tara) for a year, and suddenly being surrounded by strangers the second he escapes, Gale doesn't exactly find himself adjusting good to his newfound freedom

So upon discovering that you also practice sorcery, it makes him feel a bit more at ease knowing he has someone he can relate to even in the smallest sense

And this is how your friendship begins, bonding over small magic tricks (and this time he doesnt just pull out his cock 😒), trading different useful spells, and different tips and tricks you have picked up on your journeys

This leads you to become good friends, almost always seen chattering about something or another

Most times it's gale doing the talking, because as we know he refuses to shut up, but that's ok we love him <333

Before he even realizes it, he's falling in love with you

It takes him a moment to even process these feelings, and it's a whole other thing trying to accept the feelings

But once he does come to terms with it, he kind of just dives in head first

He confesses to you with magic of course

He gives you a book full of love poems, and each poem is enchanted to display gorgeous visuals of the story

And at the end of the book is a neatly folded piece of paper wedged into the spine

You open it up, and it his very own love poem, describing all of the things he adores about you, the visuals being of you and how he sees you

It's a very surreal experience, seeing yourself through someone else's eyes

When you finally decide to close the book, you peek out of your tent to see if Gale is still out

He is not, he is in fact hiding from you in his own tent, too scared to see your reaction

You decide you will discuss it in the morning, and head back to your bedroll to sleep

The next morning, he is out by his tent reading when you approach him

"Having a bookish moment, are we?" You ask teasingly, placing a hand on your hip

He smiles shyly and averts his gaze "They're a good form of entertainment when one can't stay in once place for too long.."

You move to sit next to him and lay your head on his shoulder "And when the sun itself explodes into a million atoms, know that my love for you will still be brighter"

A blush creeps onto his face "That's from the poem...Did you like it?"

"I don't think I would be sitting here reciting it to you if I didn't" you say with a smile

You lean over to kiss his cheek, then stand up and walk off to preform your morning duties of checking in on every one else, leaving Gale wide eyed and a blushing mess

[hwnglx]

in light of their recent contract renewal, i thought i'd do a reading on the company's opinion on the members 💌 enjoy

jyp's favorite stray kids members

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

#1 felix most profitable member, heartbeat of the group. he keeps them going, gives them the drive to remain determined. also is very ambitious when it comes his career. they think he has this inner fire that's unleashed once he taps into work mode. the company puts a lot of thought and effort into figuring out how to market him, use him to his full potential. he's also like a sponge, absorbs all the member's energies.

#2 hyunjin very close to being no 1, lix just gives more favorite child. hj has the most star power, literally carries the group. in jyp's eyes, skz wouldn't be what they are without hyunjin's impact. he has an abundance of dreams and wishes, isn't easily satisfied and carries himself in a proud manner. knows what he can do for the group. but also, is the most cherished one within the members, someone they're very protective over. they care about him a lot.

#3 seungmin cares a lot about the group's harmony, willing to sacrifice his own beliefs and opinions for the sake of his members. very agreeable and easy to manage. like he just doesnt bring you any trouble, a company's dream.

#4 jeongin cutely enough, the most professional and mature when it comes to work. good at keeping a level head and separating his private life from his career. brings a lot of happy energy into the group, makes them more of a family. (they think skz would bicker more if it wasn't for him bringing a sense of joy into their dynamic) however, can be explosive unexpectedly, isn't afraid to raise his voice when necessary.

#5 bang chan very intuitive and smart, obviously a member in place of authority. makes the big decisions. constantly worrying and pondering over what to do next, how to keep up their momentum and hold on to their fanbase. good at mediating between the members and the company. can get hyperfixated on certain things and get very controlling or manipulative, knows how to get what he wants from the company. (basically uses the company's resources for skz's “own” good -> doesn't take jyp's opinion into consideration if he feels strongly about something. but obviously knows jyp benefits from their success too so = win win)

#6 lee know very close to being no 5. jyp thinks he's someone who dealt with a lot of losses and sadness in the past. was able to overcome it by keeping busy, he's amazing at balancing different priorities. makes it look very easy and effortless. has a quiet but strong inner confidence, doesn't let anyone stand in his way. doesn't insert himself into discussions too much and tries to remain balanced, only speaks up if he feels strongly about something.

#7 jisung i expected him to be higher, but jyp just struggles handling him sometimes. they think he isn't that reliable, very easily tired and hurt, needs a lot of mental breaks. unpredictable and unstable, you never know if you're gonna get drained or energetic jisung today. they think he's disconnected to his feelings a lot, a lot of numbness. jyp thinks he's a genius and could be one of the most popular members if he didn't stand in his own way. i can sense worry about the public not understanding and judging him. (the cards flew for him my god)

#8 changbin i just kept hearing “말 넘많아” which translates to “he talks too much” lol, they think he disagrees with almost everything the company says, always finds himself in conflict with them. just hard to handle. like, even if the entire group agrees, changbin can probably find something else to nag about and improve. they do acknowledge he plays a huge role for the emotional support in skz though. he's the rock for many members. he's good at reading them, speaking up for them, being their shoulder to cry and lean on. like a soft and gentle father figure.

tbh, i can't sense any animosity towards any members here. they all have a decent enough relationship with the company, their liking just goes towards some members more than others. i can tell they're very aware of how essential the group is for the company's brand, profit, reputation, etc.. so they definitely are very considerate towards them, and making sure they're all satisfied with what they get. the road wasn't all rainbows and butterflies though.. i can see a lot of discussions being held in the past, and skz needing to hold their ground firmly in order to get what they want.

[aidlyncanon]

this is my first actual tumblr post since idk what to do but ive had this idea in my head for a while and I wanted to share 🤗

so heres what I think each sbg characters love languages are. I wanted to include both the love language they express towards other and the type that resonates? with them when expressed by others. i dont know how to word that but I hope itll make sense 🙏

if it's inaccurate im sorry im not great at wording but i did try and make it at least a bit accurate which is hard when im unsure to most of these

𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐋𝐘𝐍 𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑: 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄/𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄?

— I feel like this may be the only one that properly fits Ashlyn. I could see her maybe also liking acts of service but i cant exactly explain why.

Maybe its because I think its also what she would do for others that I think it would fit. Like I said maybe acts of service like people doing little things to make her life easier.

I have a headcanon that Taylor or Ben has things in their bags for the others (total mom friends) so imagine her shock when she found out someone had ear plugs in their bag incase she needed them?

you get where im going with this?

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

— I take little to no criticism on this. I can't imagine Ashlyn's being anything else. If she tried getting a gift she'd probably take too long wondering if theyd actually use it. Physical touch is a meh, she doesnt hate it but it wouldnt be her favourite. She said herself she isnt the best with words.

Her gift to people is just her presence. She'd be the type to occasionally need quiet but wouldn't mind being in comfortable silence with someone she likes. I feel like quality time would be her way of showing she cares for someone.

𝐀𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐊

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: ???

— This is an idk because im basing these off of what we know about their background and character but we know like nothing so everything about this is based off of pure theory.

The only canon part i can mention is that during his conversation with Ashlyn at the school he mentioned how since he moved around a lot he never really had a true bond with anyone.

"You seemed like the type to only get close with people who mean something to you."

So Aiden didnt just want someone he could feel attached to, he also wanted to feel cared for. Its a two way street with him.

While I could see him loving physical touch as I doubt he got enough of that as a child and he clearly loves being touchy with people I feel like with what we know I could argue really any love language. He'd probably take anything if it makes him feel cared for.

I found a picture of a chart saying "your love language may show what you lacked as a child" and he checked every box so he's fucked.

I ultimately want to settle with physical touch as he seemed shocked when Ashlyn initiated the hug likely due to being the one to always initiate them. Like above he probably just wants his efforts reciprocated.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇

— Self explanatory we see him being touchy with Ashlyn. He also put his hand on Tyler (idk if this is still fast pass if it is my apologies).

"he did that as a stay away from my girl" stfu. 🤗

𝐁𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐊

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

— I take ZERO criticism on this.

Were all aware how bad his bullying was so I doubt he heard anything nice about him.

The main thing that makes me believe this is that every time he gets complimented or something nice said about him he gets sort of flustered and blushes.

This ^ was ben after Ashlyn complimented his bandaging job. A small compliment I know but even after what taylor said about him opening up he blushed there too.

You can't deny it means a lot to him he probably thought about those for a while.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐆𝐈𝐅𝐓 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆

— I talked about this in a discord server briefly but I want to share it here. You know the quote "the quieter you are the more you hear"? Well thinking of that ive come up w the idea that Ben likely is more observant compared to most people.

Hed be the one to notice if someone was looking at something for a while in a store or hear it pass in conversation. Make a mental or physical note of it and get it for them.

I just imagine him being the type to be like "i know you like this" or "this reminded me of you". I feel like he wouldnt be the greatest at expressing it in many other ways so he resorts to getting people things.

Hes also pretty artsy so I can also just imagine him making people little things for them.

Like, tyler taught him guitar? gets tyler a new pick. Logan looking at something in the store? need to remember that. and so on

𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐀𝐍 𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃𝐒

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

— Similar to Ben's. I could maybe see quality time being important to him as he hasnt had many people want to stick around him.

I mean his parents didnt want him and barrons group are just assholes so spending time with someone who genuinely cares for him? Doing an activity he enjoys? Hes over the moon.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄

— I can see him wanting to help people, i mean he helped Noah (the guy who barron replaced him with). I can imagine him doing little things for the group and people he loves.

He might get a bit embarrassed if confronted about it but ultimately hed do it again.

𝐓𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐎𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐙

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑: 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄???

— This is up in the air but I feel like it fit her the best? I imagine after her dad dying at a young age she grew up knowing that time with people is limited and can end at any moment.

So i can imagine her really appreciating someone spending one-on-one of just personal time with her. But i can also just see her appreciating any type.

My thing is I can imagine her being happy with receiving anything as long as someone had her best interest at heart then she'd become the happiest girl ever.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

— Another give in, she does it ALL THE TIME. Its literally her defining feature. Shes very good with words and likes making others feel better about themselves. Seeing people perk up from her words would be enough to make her own day better.

I imagine she too, like tyler, had to be there for her mom a lot. So she probably learnt it from that experience. I also imagine her want to make people happier stemmed from seeing Tyler slowly lose interest in everything around him and wanting to be able to be the person who could make his day just a bit better.

Though like above I could see taylor doing things she knows mean the most of others. Like the moment she realized Ben likes words of affirmations she made sure to compliment him a bit more. After realizing Ashlyn likes quality time she would find a way to do that while also not overwhelming Ashlyn, say a movie or just going on a walk. Shed make an effort to make people happy based off of what they love the most.

𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐙

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄

— Tyler spent his entire childhood taking care of people so imagine how he would react to being taken care of for once.

I figure like at first hed be a bit reluctant however I think ultimately it would mean a lot to him to not have to always be rhe one taking care of others but being able to rest for once.

Like idk how to word it but I think it fits him, I could also see MAYBE words of affirmation? since he did want that when Logan Ashlyn and Ben found him but then again I dont blame him he was literally sitting bleeding.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄?

— This one has a question mark since im not sure. Taking care of others has just became nature to him, its his factory settings. Its not something he like goes and does to get people interested its just natural to him.

I dont think its something he'd do specifically to express care, he'd likely be unaware how much it could mean to someone since its just life to him.

Im not too sure what his would actually be MAYBE quality time again similar to Taylors in the sense that he knows just how fast someone can lose their lives so he likely would appreciate someone wanting to actually spend time with him.

Even if he wouldnt admit it.

If these are inaccurate then I apologize I did try to make them as accurate as I could but wording my thoughts isnt something i'm great at.

Most of these im unsure of but I wanted to talk about anyway so idk gimme ur opinions on them id love to hear them esp since im unsure for half of these :)

[emmetofthestars]

Yes please!! A summary would be greatly appreciated!! An thanku for the helpful tag,, will be looking forward to a tag for yer blu team if you make one!

ive gone ahead and tagged (most) of my blu art under #emmetsis blu!

i also totally forgot that i have a carrd for my blu team and for two extra ocs... but because its rather empty it makes more sense i write something new. the carrd does have pronouns though.

to be more general first, blu team are my blu merc ocs and they are all clones of red team. along the way of cloning and growing they gained their unique personalities. so while they are clones, they are by now completely different people. as a result of respawn machines being a thing in my story, they all generally do not take death seriously as there are no real consequences to it, aswell as the existance of their medic. i think this is a bit of an important thing to add.

jay is the teams scout. not loud and brash at all, unlike red scout. shes not very enthusiastic about the war and she sees no use in it all. shes a close friend with crawford, and they both hang out and skip out on work. the two of them rarely go places without eachother. she likes lemon soda and sour tastes in general :3

carl is the soldier. unlike his red counterpart he is not confident or headstrong. he fears alot of things from small animals to the outside, aswell as people. he keeps his helmet on desperately as light hurts his eyes to the point of headaches. he always gets alot of scrutiny from charon. while there are sufficient bedrooms at blu base, he instead lives in a windowless storage room, in a sort of pillow-blanket fort.

gary is the pyro. bearing no lick of red pyros bloodlust and arsonist nature, gary does not fight. though they know how to fight back, they do not like seeing people in pain and will never attack first. while they arent an arsonist, they love water to almost a similar destructive degree. they would flood their bedroom to the brim with water, if they could. they like to sit at the bottom of lakes.

achilles is the demo. she does not dabble in explosives, but rather swords. he has a fascination with books in general and books about mythology of all sorts, peculiarly achilles of greek mythology, which they named themselves after. also has a particular fascination with cutting peoples heads off, but not out of malice, just out of pure love to his sword and shield, his half-zatoichi and splendid screen. she thinks shes pretty awesome.

daisy is the heavy. he has the same protective nature over people, and though he looks like a big softie he will not hesitate to strike if he recognizes a threat. but when somebody he trusts hurts him, its hard for him to let go. tries to learn how to knit and anything adjacent. when not, just likes to talk to people or take walks. he does not carry a minigun, he sticks to his shotgun and melee.

minnie is the engie. minnie is minnie. minnie builds mini sentries. sometimes teleporters. rarely dispensers. but mostly mini sentries. minnie can say four words: mini, sentry, teleporter, and dispenser. anything else? tough luck. even then, minnie does not speak enough times for anyone to remember what it sounds like.

charon is the medic. whatever inner issues red medic had manifest strangely in charon. not a very good medic- they dont respond to their teammates cries, charging into battle on their own with secondary and melee. they are extremely (hypo)critical and aggressive, and they get physical fast. however, when they are done screaming about whatever it is that their team has done wrong THIS time, they regret what they did, silently berating themselves. and the very next day, they would scream again, and regret it again. the day after that, and after that. they dont talk to anyone at length, not even achilles. they dont apologize, as they have no faith left in themself.

crawford is the sniper. (ill most often refer to him as crow.) unknowingly a drunkard- she doesnt actually know what alcohol is, just finds it tasty. he is as loving of the outdoors as his red counterpart, particularly of heights. she will climb any high building or abandoned pylon, with no regard to safety or her own life, just to feel the wind in her face. would also eat most foods if hes curious, even something such as pure raw meat- he is not aware that meat needs to be cooked. also a literal night owl. she sleeps at day and is wide awake at night.

iris is the spy. though she does her job as best she can, he is in no way as tenacious as red spy. he rarely disguises, and resorts instead to cloaking with the cloak & dagger. the pressure of their job gets to them, they are hardly energetic and often cant even find the energy to hold long conversations with people, or even say anything - the most she will do is approach people to ask them a technical question, then leave. and as a result of an "incident" with the red medic... its only worsened since then.

wow this was a long one..... i love infodumping.... :) some of this is POSSIBLY bound to change but in general their roles are pretty set in stone. i am still actively writing them though.

[starz4valen]

queers im fucking lost come save me

ok but in all seriousness,

despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.

i have had ONE EX. one.

i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.

as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)

we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.

then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^

but,,,idk anymore

i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”

i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.

but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.

now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.

I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out

if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.

thanks to anyone who read all this <3

[pacifymebby]

Thunder Storms

Arthur and you comfort each other during a storm.

Neither of you really liked thunder storms. Arthur would never admit it but they always unsettled him, the sudden crashes rattling the sky, the white light which could temporarily blind you if the storm was close enough over head.

They say you can smell a storm, you can sense the change in the air. Its true, you can. You could sense a storm on the horizon days before it hit. Felt to you like the whole damn city was bracing for it. The air would prickle with a static, it felt thick to breath. Your mam had always described it as "close" and in many ways thats exactly how it felt. Like the atmosphere, the air, the sky, the ground were all closing in, cosying up to you. It eas claustrophobic and you couldnt hide how it made you nervous.

For you there was no such thing as the calm before a storm. Calm was the last thing you felt.

For Arthur a coming storm meant s flare in his already tumultuous temper. He found his fuse even shorter than usual. Felt his whole body bristling. He had a tendency to snap at people, more impatient than usual. That left everyone around him on edge, tiptoeing around him so as not to be the one he took it out on.

Hed already snapped at you a handful of times that day but as the evening drew in his mind was buzzing and fuzzing and you felt your own head clouding and fuzzing with fear.

When the first white sheet lit up the sky you flinched, it was so bright that for a moment you thought it was something else. It was only when, seconds later, you heard the roll of thunder crack through the sky that you understood. You jumped back from the kitchen sink dropping a glass which shattered at your feet, you weren't worried about that though. Your eyes were still fixed on the window, watching terrified for the next flash of white lightning that would light the sky and bring with it that horrible horrible sound.

"What the bloody hells happened here y/n?" started Arthur, about to start shouting about the broken glass which had scattered across the kitchen floor, when he himself flinched at a flash of lightning he saw out the corner of his eye.

He stopped and stood still for a second. Closed his eyes and took a breath. It was a shakey one but as he exhaled he felt a little calmer. He knew he needed to control his own fear, had to ignore the sudden rush of emotion he was feeling because you looked so scared, trembling where you stood.

"Alright alright, doesnt matter sweetheart, just a bit of broken glass, its alright," he sighed stepping towards you and carefully knocking the pieces away from you with the tip of his shoes. "S'alright my darlin just a little thunder and lightning, never hurt anyone... This glass is more dangerous than that out there..." he said slow and soft being as gentle with you as possible as he took the tea towel from your hand and tossed it onto the side behind his shoulder.

He tugged on your hand gently trying to coax you towards him but when a third rumble of thunder seemed to shake the whole house you couldnt hold in your shriek. You hand shot up to your mouth and you immediately blushed a deep shade of red but Arthur only found in endearing.

When you'd jumped out of your skin you'd shot to Arthurs side, throwing your arms around him and clinging to him, it would have been enough to make him laugh at you had he not been a little bit scared himself and also, so worried about you.

"eh, eh... Its alright darlin, christ you nearly scared me then an all!" he teased you, pressing a somewhat forceful and lingering kiss to your temple. "Right you know what... Fuck these dishes alright, me and youve got better things to do..." he said scooping you up in his arms bridal style. He held you tight against his body as yet another shot of lightning lit your small kitchen up, the following clash of thunder shaking you to your very bones.

You felt Arthur flinch at the sound too but you didn't say anything, you knew he was putting on a brave show for you and that it was probably helping him to do so.

"Me and you are gonna take this bottle of whiskey up to bed with us, and were gonna get so drunk, we wont remember this fucking bastard weather by tomorrow... How does that sound sweetheart?" he grinned grabbing the bottle of whiskey from the side.

When he'd gotten you upstairs he made a show of dropping you dramatically onto the bed, trying all the tricks up his sleeve to make you laugh and relax a little. He hated seeing you scared, especially of things like thunder storms.

See if it was another man you were afraid of then Arthur could deal with that. He could promise you youd never have to see them again, that hed make sure of that... But he couldnt do that with thunder storms. Even tbe peaky blinders couldnt do that.

What he could do however, was crawl into bed beside you, strip you right down to your little slip, and have you cuddle up against his chest whilst you took it in turns to swig from your whiskey bottle until you were both of you feeling quite content and calm in one anothers arms.

"There we are sweetheart, Arthurs got you, Arthurs got you nice and safe and sound," he mumbled to you as he held you in his arms, your legs tangled, your bodies pressed together. You had thst alcoholic warmth but also that soft, emotional warmth too, feeling so safe and secure with your arthur holding onto you like that.

You closed your eyes pressing a kiss to his chest and nuzzling into him even closer.

"Got you too arthur," you mumbled half asleep, making him smile to himself as he began to drift off to sleep with you.

[biipbop]

Ooooh how about the other P5 cast? Strikers and Royal included. In the Flower child au

Havent played strikers yet (I own it and will get to it soon I swear 😞)

The first time Ann hears about Akira knowing gas chamber is from Ryuji. So its no surprise that she thinks he's full of shit and Akira would 100% commit to the bit and never confirm it. Everyone else will similarly follow suit and also think Ryuji is trying really hard to convince them that not only does Akira totally know gas chambers on a personal level but tatsujun isnt just PR. Theyre married and are Akira's adopted parents. It gets to the point that Ann and Ryuji start arguing about it publically. It becomes a running joke among there classmates.

Most of their classmates are pretty ick about it (they dont really think positively of Ann Ryuji and akira as is so they joke about how the deliquent is really out here trying to convince everyone he's related to celebrities). Mishima on the other hand believed it the instant he was told:

Ryuji: *points to Akira* This guy is the love child of tatsujun from gas chamber

Mishima: *sideeying ryuji* reaaaaally?

Akira: *straight faced knowing he looks like he knows you know hes lying* yep.

It was enough for Mishima.

Futaba already knew. She found out while doing a bg check on Akira before he moved into the cafe. She also doesnt tell anyone bc she also thinks it's fucking hilarious that no one else knows.

Haru initially doesnt believe them but she once met Jun at a charity function when she was younger. He had tatsuya with him and she did get the impression that they actually were romantically together. One day she corners Akira to find out the truth but it very much goes similarly as it did with mishima (Akira confirms but is he *actually* confirming it or just messing around??) Haru is eventually able to get a crack in the facade when she tells him how he met the two before and how she thinks they might actually be together. How encouraging it was to see a queer couple who were so in love that they couldnt really hide it. Akira breaks and ends up sharing family photos with her.

If youve seen my flower child au comics theyre kinda inconsistent with how and when morgana and Akechi find out. Earlier comics had them knowing during the events of the game while my more recent comics have them finding out post game. But i think I prefer them knowing during game cause it just makes better sense for me timeline wise so....ignoreing my own comics I guess

Morgana would technically be told the same time as Ryuji except Morgana would have 0 context as to who tatsuya and jun are or even who gas chambers is. So from Morgana's perspective Ryuji thought Akira's dad (who morgana saw pictures of from when Akira was a kid) was a girl. (He will never let Ryuji forget this). Ryuji would later be talking about gas chambers with Ann and she would be the one to show morgana their music and recordings of interviews and live shows. Because theyre fully dressed like a v-kei band Morgana wont put 2 and 2 together until after he actually meets them.

Even though he would also do a background check on Akira, Akechi doesnt know that about who Akira's parents are. (Jun and tatsuya couldnt legally adopt Akira so technically Katsuya and Maya would be Akira's legal parents but everyone in sumaru knows bc Jun and Tatsuya never hid their relationship. Also all the members of Gas Chambers go by a stage name for privacy reasons)

Like Ryuji Akechi also grew up familar with Gas Chamber bc his mom was a fan (side note: I think both Ryuji and Akechi would have young moms who couldve been good friends). Akechi, gun to head, would never admit this to anyone especially not akira but Jun would be his gay awakening. Akira only finds this out after Akechi meets his parents. They dont break up over this but they get close to it. Akira would refuse to talk to his dads for a week when he finds out leaving his parents panicked bc their bby boy is big sad and might have broken up with his first bf but doesnt want their help. They stay together and all is good but lord help Akechi if he ever points out any similarities between Jun and Akira.

Yusuke has no fucking clue who Gas Chambers is. But when he meets Eikichi he will go to stalker level to get a chance to draw him. Luckily for him Eikichi finds out about the little weirdo thinking hes beautiful and is all about it. He keeps every piece Yusuke gives him and even has Yusuke's paintings in the family restaurant as well as his home.

Sorry this is rambly!

Edit: I forgot Sumire!! I'll be honest, I have no clue. I dont believe she would know who Gas Chambers is. Futaba would probably only know bc she's a gremlin and constantly online.

Sumire most likely would think Ryuji is trying to tease her and not believe him either. She would be with the squad when they go visit Akira and find out Ryuji didnt lie. Shed be glad that Futaba and Akira got the pleasure of their long con going through without failure.

Also the p2 squad will realize that the metaverse was a thing when they hear Morgana talk.

[inkykeiji]

Would you be willing to dissect dazai's character on here? I just find it soooo hard to understand him, his motivations and how genuine he actually is, how much of the emotions he portrays are fabricated and which ones are genuine. And how terrifying is the thought that he truly doesnt feel lime he is human (like does that come from not connecting with them and feeling so alianated from the mundane human concerns, or is it rooted deeper? Does he care about the people around him? Is it truly care? Is he even capable of it?). I always find it interesting when other people discuss their opinions on characters and i feel like you have a very unique way to dive into the psyche of each character you write for (and also as i mentioned dazai just goes way over my head)

oooh interesting question anon! my answer is rambly and is mostly just me splatting my thoughts all over this ask SO beware of that! <3

so i have actually already begun a section in my notebook/docs for him + my analysis of his character but as this is a pastime that i usually enjoy doing just for myself and keeping private i don’t think i’d share like, the entire thing (also it’ll end up being several thousand words by the time it’s done HAHA). additionally, since i have yet to consume all of the media associate with bsd i don’t feel like i can even fully dissect him; i can only offer the opinions i have on him at the moment based on what i’ve consumed/know—which right now is only the anime!

but!!!!!! with that being said i do love discussing character and sharing my thoughts on them when it comes to specific subjects/questions if that makes sense??? so if you ever have any specific questions and you’d like to know my personal thoughts on them i’m always more than open to sharing them!

like with what you’ve said here, for example, in regards to his emotions. i agree that he’s extremely complex, almost to the point of being convoluted, and he holds his cards very close to his chest. it seems like it would be incredibly difficult for someone to get genuinely close to him—and i mean like really close, like close enough to the point of him actually letting his guard down and taking off the several masks he wears throughout the day and kind of being fully himself and baring his authentic soul—but i do think that he’s sincere at least some of the time, and i think that he’s more authentic with the ADA than he ever was with the mafia, excluding oda who i think knew him better and more deeply than anyone else in the world ever has.

i can’t even begin to fathom your more complex questions about feeling human etc because i still feel like i haven’t dug into the material enough to give a deep enough answer tbh!

personally i believe that he’s moral greyness personified. i think he really doesn’t give a fuck about good or about evil, and i think he’s easily capable of both in great capacities. it really just depends on which he sets his mind on, whichever one he decides to be that day. i believe he has an immense amount of both within him and i don’t think his evil and sadistic tendencies just up and disappeared; it appears that he can switch between the two with astonishing ease whenever he wants to. to me it’s very clear that he has only decided to do good and focus on good purely because his best friend, and the one person it seemed like he truly, genuinely, deeply cared for, told him to do it. it isn’t like dazai had some sort of epiphany or a profound change of heart on his own that made him suddenly want to be better; it was just his best friend’s dying wish that he put his abilities and his intelligence towards doing good, and so that’s what he’s doing. and i think it’s THAT that motivates him more than anything else. it’s that oda said hey look i know you don’t care about either, so for me, go do some good in this world, and that dazai is honouring that because he loved him.

i think this also stems from guilt, too; from being unable to save oda, so he feels like this is next best thing—this is the least he can do for him, to honour him and to honour his death.

jumping back to his emotions being genuine, i think that his tendency to bother others purely for his own amusement is an inherent + authentic trait (because we see him do it on BOTH sides); i think he does genuinely care for atsushi and for the agency, i think he is capable of those positive emotions in some capacity because, again, oda is a prime example of him being able to FEEL things—to feel genuine and fundamental human emotions, even if he doesn’t feel them often or feel them with the intensity that others do. which is why i don’t think we can classify him as a true psychopath—i definitely believe he is stellar at mimicking emotions 100% and can do so whenever the situation calls for it (he’s so obviously a fantastic and skilled liar), but i think he does have the capacity to truly feel real things, too. and he fully understands morality and society’s collective moral compass, even if he himself doesn’t really care for it either way/doesn’t really personally lean one way or another.

​i think it’s really hard to tell which of his emotions are genuine and which are fabricated but i also think that if you use the question of ‘okay, is he lying here for the sake of his own plan succeeding/is he purposefully withholding information here’ is a good start at indicating whether or not he’s being genuine. for example, the way he treats higuchi when he first meets her!we now know in hindsight that he was only acting the way he did towards her so he could slip that lil radio thingie in her pocket and spy on her; to watch and see how things play out before interfering or jumping to conclusions.

i’m sorry this is such a chaotic mess HAHA he really is so so so complex and i’m still sifting through all of my own thoughts and interpretation/analysis of him as i continue to consume more of the series itself. anyway, these are my thoughts at the moment based on the information i have! they may change slightly in the future as i wade deeper into the material, but yeah! <3

[feathery-fall]

Hello hello! I noticed your hc requests were open so what about Licorice cookie? I don't see enough tk content for him, -Vio

IM SO SORRY IDRAFTED THIS AND THEN FORGIT ABOUT IT AKJDJSN IM SO SORRY THIS HAS BEEN HERE FOR LIKE MONTHS 😭

ANYWAYS-

switch

his worst spots are his ears, sides, stomach, and backs of the knees, but pretty much anywhere is fair game

two absolute sweet spots are anywhere just behind his left ear(left specifically) and where his ribs meet his sides

loud, shrieky laughter, or when those sweet spots are targeted, high pitched(sometimes silent) cackles

when he's in a lee mood, he's often too embarrassed to go to anyone, so he uses his magic on himself

he's been caught a few times. he thinks he plays it off well

keyword is thinks, as he does not

aside from magic, the main people who tickle him are Dark Choco, Poison Mushroom, and his lil minions Bat-cat and Shwarzwälder

DC does is whenever he's being kind of annoying, PM does it just whenever they feel like it, BC and Shwarzwälder do it after failed missions to cheer him up(or if he's being too naggy >:( )

Enchantress does it sometimes too, as a sort of punishment for failing missions(it never goes too far though, she's very careful)

sometimes the others poke him to get his attention, and it's not that they mean to tickle him, he's just. very sensitive

the main people he tickles is PM and Bat-Cat(because no one else let's him close, rip)

sometimes PM asks for it, sometimes Lico just feels the urge to, but either way they always end up happy

and Bat-Cat does that cat thing where they refuse to get leave his lap/hood so Licorice kinda has to force up them up lmao

he's tried tickling DC before but it didn't work and just ended up with him screaming on the floor

he almost tried with Pomegranate but the glares she sent told him not to

he uses his magic to tickle others but he finds he prefers more hands-on methods(mostly only uses it for restraining or to catch them off guard in time to weaken them)

[forever-rogue]

hi! if you’re accepting requests from prompt list #2, does angst to fluff count lol. 5 from angst, 49 from fluff lists! with reader thinking din loves someone else 🥺 i like mando x omera but.. reader who perhaps doesnt have the skills omera has and sees how din looks at her… THE ANGST 😌🤌

AN | Me, writing some Din? It’s been a hot minute, but here we are. I miss him 🥺

Warnings | None

Pairing | Din x Fem!Reader

Masterlist | Din, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A small sigh, a wistful little thing, escaped your lips as you studied the gently lapping water of the lake. It was calm here, a peaceful, tranquil place that served as a welcome refuge after all that you'd been through in the last few years. Sometimes it seemed almost too good to be true. The distant sounds of laughter met your ears as children ran around and played, carefree as could be. Sometimes you wished you were that young again; innocent to life’s darker sides. Unfortunately that wasn’t a possibility, but for now you’d take the peace and stillness you could get.

Pulling off your boots and socks, you quickly tossed them to the side. The water was warm as you relaxed and leaned back, closing your eyes and soaking up the warmth of the summer sun. It wasn’t until you heard the familiar voice that your eyes slowly snapped back opened. Your heart constricted slightly as you spotted Din nearby speaking to Omera. He seemed so happy, in a much better mood than you’d seen in a long time. It was all her, and you remained invisible. Which, when it came to most things wasn’t too bad, but sometimes you wished he would see you.

“Is somebody jealous?” you hadn’t even heard the bounty hunter walk over; you supposed that’s one of the many reasons he was the best in the galaxy. Boba offered a small grimace before sitting down next to you. You shrugged him off staring back into the water. You were not about to get into anything with Boba; that man was insufferable and usually right.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you brushed him off, trying desperately not to look back at Din. Instead, you focused on the water and watched the tiny fish whiz through the water; a few of them brushed by your feet, sending a ticklish shiver up your spine, “I’m just...enjoying the calm afternoon sun and soaking up as much peace before we inevitably leave again.”

“That’s how this all works,” Boba sighed as you nodded in agreement, “you knew that from the day you became my apprentice.”

“I know,” you whispered, “but I hoped at one point I could...walk away and have a normal life. Like this.”

“Normal is all relative,” he had a point as you huffed lightly and stood up, brushing off your pants and reaching for your boots, “but if this is what you want, what you truly want, you know you’re welcome to leave whenever. I would not hold you back from the life you wanted.”

“I know, Boba,” you put your hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, “the problem is that I don’t really know what I want...I think I know but...it’s more than that.”

“Of course,” he agreed, casting a quick glance at the object of your affections before turning back to you, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Either way, it will work out, just as it always does,” you swallowed the lump that had welled up in your throat, “Boba, why are you doing this?”

“I just want to make sure you’re happy - that you know that you have choices in what you’re doing,” he said like it was no big deal, but to you it meant so much. This hardened, sometimes gruff man really did have a heart of gold underneath it all, “should you want to part ways, I would understand. Should you want to stay, I’d be more than happy to have you with me. I don’t know what the future holds for myself, Fennec, or Djarin, but you know it will not always be easy. But sometimes you have to decide what’s most important.”

“Yes,” you answered softly, “thank you, Boba.”

He remained silent as you laced up your boots before padding away, back towards the village. You knew you had a lot to think about and if you wanted things to change at all, you’d have to figure out something. You cast a glance over your shoulder and you were almost positive that you’d spotted Din looking in your direction. But it was all a trick of the mind; it had to be. Why would he spare you more than a passing thought anyways?

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was late by the time he found you; much later than any reasonable person should have been outside, but you couldn’t sleep. There was too much on your mind to silence, and if you managed to, it was short-lived and another thought came to replace the previous one. Eventually you’d given up and wandered out of the small hut home that had been acting as your own home for the last couple of months. You knew the area was safe and wanted to enjoy the temperate night air before it turned to a crisp fall breeze, or worse - you’d be gone.

Small bugs chirped happily along with the soft songs of nightbirds as you walked around the sleeping village; you weren’t scared here, you felt safe and at home. But as you rounded a corner, a gloved hand reached out and grabbed your wrist. A small yelp of surprise left your lips as you pulled into a wall of cool metal - beskar.

“Shhh,” Din placed a finger to his lips as you relaxed when you realized it was him, “you’ll wake everyone up. It’s just me.”

“Dank Farrik!” you hissed at him, “how was I supposed to know that? You could have been a murderer!”

“Well….you should be in bed sleeping.”

“So should you!” your arms crossed over your chest as you stared him down, and eventually he huffed in defeat, realizing you were right. He couldn’t sleep either, plagued by the choices he knew that he had to make sooner rather than later. He hadn’t expected you to be out as well, “what are you doing anyway?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck nervously, a flash of...something in his dark eyes, “I thought that some fresh air would clear my head.”

“Same here,” you admitted reluctantly, leaving the two of you in an awkward silence. You wished you had enough bravery (or perhaps even stupidity) in your body to just say something to him then and there. At least it would be out of the way; but you weren’t feeling anything but nervous butterflies fluttering in your tummy, “I...umm...I guess I’ll get back. Try and sleep.”

“Hey-” he reached for your arm gently before you could get too far away. You turned around and raised an eyebrow as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, “d-did I do something wrong?”

“What? What are you talking about?” the question caught you off guard, but judging by the look on his face, you could sense that this was something he had been thinking for some time.

“You’ve been different lately...it almost feels like you’re avoiding me.”

“Oh DIn, you’re being ridiculous,” and yet the accusation was very true.

“You’re fine around Boba, Fennec...everyone else. But every time I’m around it feels like you can’t wait to get away,” you should have known that he would have noticed sooner or later. The man was more observant than you’d cared to admit, “if I did something, please tell me.”

“You can’t be serious, Djarin. There’s nothing wrong…”

“Then why have you been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been doing anything. You’ve got too much free time and your mind is running wild.”

“Tell me it’s not true then.”

“Din-”

“Tell me.”

“The problem is that you’re in love with someone else,” the words were out of your mouth before you even contemplated them. You were mortified and in some ways you were relieved. At least it was all out in the open now and you were able to let the chips land where they may.

“Oh,” was his only response as his head tilted to the side and he looked at you in confusion, “what?”

“I...kriff,” you sighed, “I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry - forget I said anything.”

“Who am I in love with?”

“What do you mean?” tears welled up in your eyes at his response; almost like a cruel joke, “you know, everyone knows! Omera; and why wouldn’t you be? She’s wonderful - kind, smart, beautiful … everything. Part of me wants to dislike her, but I can’t because she’s such a good person but it kills me a little bit to know that you love her and you’ll never even think twice about me. I know that’s super selfish but it’s the way I feel; and judging from how this is going I think I’m making the right decision by leaving. By myself.”

Din said nothing as a few tears rolled down your cheeks. You laughed bitterly at yourself before realizing that this might have been the best decision after all. You couldn’t stay after this.

It wasn’t long before Din came to his senses and ran after you, calling your name and catching up with a few easy strides. You came to a reluctant stop as you sniffled and waited for him to say something, despite the fact that you weren’t sure you wanted to hear whatever he had to say.

“I-I-I’m not in love with Omera,” he insisted as it became your turn to look at him in bewilderment, “I’m in love with you.”

“What?”

“I’ve been talking to her about you,” he confessed, “about how to do...this sort of thing. But then you started avoiding me and I wondered if maybe I’d read the signs wrong and you didn’t like me at all. At least not in that way.”

“I don’t….what?” you heard his words but weren’t able to fully comprehend them. This had to be some sort of weird fever dream. Din sighed - his trademark sigh - before ripping off his gloves and gently putting his hands on the sides of your face. He was hesitant at first, to see if you would stop him. But you didn’t...instead you relished in his touch, the feel of his bare skin on yours sending electric shivers throughout your whole body.

After a few moments of quietly studying your features, he leaned in and slowly pressed his lips against yours. It wasn’t a proper kiss by any means, hardly more than a ghost of one, but it felt...strangely wonderful. You looked at him in disbelief as he pulled back; was this really the same man that you’d met all that time ago that wouldn’t even tell anyone his name or let them see his face?

“Oh.”

“Can we go inside?” he whispered softly, “can we talk?”

“Yeah,” you agreed gently. He reached for your hand but before he could take it in his, you stopped him and pressed another sweet, barely there kiss to his lips. A tinge of pink colored his cheeks as you beamed at him, “now we can go.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Pedro Character Taglist (strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you - please check your settings. Strikethroughs will get removed if not taggable)

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[sailorhyunjinz]

SKZ SHORT REACTION TO YOU ALWAYS CRYING , WHINING , AND RUBBING YOUR FACE INTO THEM DURING SEX 😭🥺🥺 CUTE FDDFFGG

It just always feels so good and overwhelming to have fat cock inside of your tiny pussy 🥺

Also ilysm <33 hry ?

-🐈

KITTEN! how are youuu~? i’m doing just fine, thank you for asking ^^

also... wish i could relate but do i get dick? no, none. ASHAHSHSA

OK QUICK REACTION (aka cherry word vomits) LEGO

warnings; dom!skz x gn!reader, dacryphilia, explicit sexual scenes, slight impact play, moaning, sex (well no fucking shit), orgasm,,, uh what more,,

before starting lemme just say this; as a collective THEY LOVE IT, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM LOVES IT but sure... some more than others 

Bangchan

nah mate you got him whipped 

W H I P P E D

just imagine holding him close and rubbing your face against his muscles while he’s just going at it OH LORD-

he already likes being in control

and when you show that you are weak in the presence of this dominant aura it just boosts that aura tenfolds.

i dont think he’d go as far as to see you cry but like tear up yk?

but BRUH HE LOSES HIS SHIT WHEN YOU’RE CLINGY

your toes curling as you try to move away from his touch, him already beginning on your fourth orgasm that night

you try to hold on to anything which is most likely his broad shoulders (oop drooling a bit)

DUDE HAS THEM GUNS TO BE ABLE TO MANHANDLE YOU WITH EASE

which he does... a lot 

but he would always ask if you felt comfortable and would remind you to use the safeword because caring dom shit 

whine his name and BYE- he cums

would ask you to say it louder

“let everyone hear how good im making my baby feel”

Minho

SKSKASK all of you guys are going to say that i’m stereotyping minho

BUT IT MUST BE SAID

he likes it to a certain extent

if you belong to the more extremely squirmy people chances are he would get kinda annoyed having to hold you down LMAO

THATS NOT TO SAY THAT HE DOESNT LOVE SEEING YOU WRECKED

nononono honey... this man is corruption kink in human form

crying >>>>> moaning

WELL THATS MY GUESS

he’d be all cocky about it

“only i can make you feel like that baby?” 

WAIT LISTEN TO THIS

he has a whole ass folder on his phone that’s just pictures of you being completely wrecked 

he uses them to jerk off 110%

it can really be any kind of pictures but his favorite is the one where you have both cum and tears running down your face

somebody take the internet away from me 

Changbin

awh binnie baby likes it v v much 

it let’s him know how much you are enjoying it which is more important then getting his own pleasure

oof service top binnie?? ok stop cherry dont LMAO

weak for your whining 100%

especially if it’s all like,, high pitched and cute I CANT-

ngl it gets him even hornier 

you’re feeding his horny monster by holding onto him, scratching his back and leaving all kinds of marks. 

just gonna say it; he likes seeing you desperate

“binnie~ i need you inside of m-me..”

say that and HE A GONER

BECAUSE HE LIKES SEEING OTHERS WANT HIM (i know all your secrets dont even try to hide it you smug hot mf)

because of his buff arms he would have no problem pinning you down if you squirmed around too much 

his sturdy arms in contrast with your quivering body OH GAWD

“you want me? beg then” 

and you can’t simply ask 

you need to whine it

IT DOESNT HAVE TO SOUND CUTE

just desperate ;)))

Hyunjin

the whole fucking rubbing your face and hair against him; in love

it doesnt even have to be against him

against the bed or against a pillow is enough to keep him going

your hair all disheveled when you look at him :((

“do i fuck you that good, baby?” he cooed at you, your head burried in a multitude of pillows. you nod, your hair in your face as your whole body jerks forward from his powerful thrust

we all know that this boy is vocal 

so you would have to be EVEN LOUDER to get him off

which you were

god you know the dance lives??

when he’s all sweaty and is heaving for air?

head empty. only that

yeah... he would like a clingy s/o

because then he can go around and be proud of himself that he made you cry in bed LMAO

he wouldnt tell it to anyone, seeing it more as a personal achievement HASHASH

a sucker of you being squirmy

gives him more reason to use force when pinning you down 

showing himself off a lil...

blushing mess if you compliment him on his muscles tho... 

Jisung

you know that video where felix bites a banana with the peel still on and jisung goes all “SPIT IT OUT YOU FUCK” 

yeah thats what happens when you start crying from how hard he’s going

he thinks he fucked up real bad

no dude you just hitting it too good (HASHASH bye im yeeting myself off a cliff)

crying in bed makes him scared but do you know what really gets him?

whining

A LOT OF IT

he loves how they go from small murmurs to full out long whines that are all uneven

some incoherent words mixed into them together with his name

he also loves how they sound mixed with his moans and growls

i feel like he’s very moved by sound

the mf that would record your moans no cap

i feel like he would be the one to rub his head against you??

yk missonary (wow cherry has nothing else to come with LMAO) he drops his head when he’s close to cumming, shaking his head slightly against your shoulder, his soft hair tickling you

he would be the one tearing up when he’s close

BECAUSE you feel too good wrapped around his aching dick :((

can we really blame him? 

Felix

OOOOH MY GOD 

OOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD

he loves it

more than he should

all of it; the crying, the rubbing against him, the whining, the hair in your face LIkE OOF

why? because it gives him a sense of being in control 

he has you under his control which IS RARE FOR HIM

OK he subs for you a lot and then he does the same thing, probably even more than you do

yk the whole rubbing his hair against your chest as he’s whining at the top of his lungs

BUT HE REDEEMS THAT WHEN HE DOMS

which is perfect because then its a give and take situation

happy sexy times

where the both of you are enjoying it waaay to much

WAIT THIS

imagine him pounding you in missionary right.... and both of you cry!?!?!

two overwhelmed babies :(((

Seungmin

Puppyboy is all for it 

let me just say,,, he has a corruption kink SAHSSAHS 

OK I KNOW EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE LIKE

“cherry he’s so neat and tidy, how could he possibly have a corruption kink?”

THATS WHY. BECAUSE HE LOVES SEEING YOU ALL TIDY AT DAYTIME

but god forbid nighttime because then you are nothing but a drooling and crying mess, holding onto him for dear life as he mercilessly pounds into you 

i swear this dude is all about drastic changes like duality is in his DNA

and i feel like he likes people that have that same charm??!?

IMAGINE THIS RIGHT;

you’re riding him, tired and fucked out of your mind, eventually leaning down to his chest and nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck, crying from overstimulation

AND THIS MF lifts you up slightly and starts thrusting up into you 

thats it. 

i love him AHSHASH

Jeongin

it would take a while for him to get used to you crying in bed 

first time it happened he got scared, stopped and hugged you, apologizing like a thousand times

you all like “...it was just getting good?”

he doesn’t understand shit at first???

“b-but why are you crying then? tell me the truth y/n”

“but i am?” 

after you explained that it just happens to you he’d nod and continue

after a while... he starts liking it

and if you one time don’t cry he’d be confused again, this time saying;

“did you not l-like it?” 

“dork, of course i did” you say ruffling his hair and he feels relieved hearing you say that 

ah cutie :(((

ALSO the whining and the squirming; total sucker for that LMAO 

OK IMMA SLEEP NOW holy shit my back is scoliosis central rn and im so damn nervous for my exam tomorrow AAAAAAH fuck fuck fuck 

ANYHOW HOPE THIS WAS FUN READING <333

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[irisu-syndromemes]

on irisu's diary, uujima's memory, and contradictions

something i havent seen anyone talk much about is irisu's diary. no, not the cough medicine txt file. irisu's in-game diary. you know, this?

...except in english. i havent seen many people ever talk about this except for when it spooks them during videos. well, i figured someone should transcript it. so i did. heres the full text, from the english translation patch:

"I moved a lot as a child so I never really made any friends. I was so scared of becoming close to someone that eventually, I stopped talking. All my classmates, and even my teachers, shunned me. But I had a friend, in the corner of the schoolyard. Every time I got close to the cage, it'd come wobbling over to greet me. I'd reach through the netting, and pet its forehead. It liked it. I think it was taken in as a weakling by the school, but no one came to see it. It was weak, shy and covered in scars. Half of one ear was torn off. There was a cat at the school, too. Everyone played with it. I got sick whenever I played with the cat, so I stayed away from it, and everyone else. That boy showed up to help one day. Apparently he lost a bet. And that's how I started to like him. Maybe I was being selfish, but I slowly got closer and closer to him. In the middle of those dark and gloomy days, being with him may have been the only happy moment of my childhood. One day, I came to my friend's cage to settle it down. The door was open. In the middle of the cage, I saw red liquid splattered all over. All that remained in the cage was it severed head. And the cat, licking the remains That cat,"

first, i feel like i should point out that its impossible to know what comes after "that cat" so in actuality, we dont know if in english the sentence would start with that (for the record: in japanese you could say "i hate cats because of that cat" but the order of the words would be completely different, so saying "that cat is the reason why i hate cats" would be a more literal translation of the sentence, in accordance to the order of sentence parts. i dont speak japanese, nor am i knowledgeable and articulate enough to explain myself, but the basic gist is that the translators translated what they could read). second, i genuinely have no clue what "settle it down" means in this context, i feel like that doesnt make any sense, so ill just ignore it. lastly, this post will take this diary entry as "truth" aka what irisu experienced as a kid.

this diary entry shines light on something that isnt explored very well in the diary entries in uujima's suicidal rabbit diary: he talked to irisu... so i assume. "showed up to help one day" at least to me implies they talked. taking into account the small comment about the bet, we can assume that was just a half-assed excuse uujima made up to be with her, but the fact that this is never mentioned ever again leads me to think uujima simply forgot about the small lie. this wouldnt be important if not for the fact that he cant remember irisu from back when they were both kids during the events of his diary txt file as college students. we know this because he never mentions remembering her from anywhere. and youd think decapitating a rabbit to make said girl more sociable would be enough reason to remember her, right? in the in-game diary excerpts, he claims to have always watched her from afar... but this seems suspicious to me.

many claim that uujima didnt actually kill uutarou, because one of the diary entries say that the rabbit was lying on the floor of the cage, dead. but the last ripped diary page mentions he saw the rabbit's last moments. so which is the truth?

there are other things that make me suspect that uujima has memory problems. he seems not to remember why he "saw"/"sees" the rabbit's red eyes in his sleep, and there is an instance of him apparently not remembering the foreign picture books of dying rabbits. his general personality also points to that of a person who's careless about what happens to himself (like being suicidal, but careful in more "important" matters, such as thinking of irisu's plan backfiring on them due to evidence and such), so i cant help but think that whether the rabbit was killed or was already dead is honestly rather ambiguous.

i dont know if all these contradictions are the result of the writer/s not writing the details properly into the game, translation issues, or just purposeful writing that puts emphasis on lost memory. of note, there are different instances of canonical material (as in, both found in and from the game, as well as dataminable files) that refer to the boys as satoru and takeru, but sometimes theyre satoshi and takeshi. in the end, im just left confused.

-Mod transcribing that whole text was a chore. oh well~

[arcadejohn127-9]

Hello!1st I wanted to say i love your blog its *chefs kiss*,and 2nd could I request (i dont know if this is in someway triggering or not so i apologize) a MC who doesnt believe the brothers can love them 'cause they despise themself and they are so set on (?) with that mindset that the brothers cant convince them otherwise,but MC themself wants to feel loved they...just cant...and they just breakdown saying they arent special and when the brothers meet other humans they will realise that MC is nothing,that they are a horrible being and they will leave them for somebody better,does that make sense I dont wanna go too deep into it(totaaaaally not self projecting)I am so sorry if this is a sensitive topic,feel free to ignore this ask,this has been eating me out for weeks so I just wanted to seek some comfort.Once again your blog is great and dont overwork yourself, take care! :D 🤍

I've definitely been there and even now, I still have these fears. Growing out of these Insecurities and feelings are hard even if you work hard to be as confident as you can. One day it'll happen but until then you just gotta keep reminding yourself that you're worth the world

Also tip, please don't rely on others for self worth - people can be cruel or simply just unpredictable. Not all but until you see every colour of a person you don't know. If you depend on someone else to give you worth and make you feel good then that'll start a very unhealthy cycle for yourself

I hate this phase "love yourself before you love others" because you don't need to, you can find healthy and happy relationships whilst insecure. But I think what it really means is; get self worth before you love another. Make sure you don't do yourself damage by giving you Someone who does the bare minimum or will sometimes make you feel good but is usually a dick.

You can find love but that love can be wrong if you don't pay attention to the red flags. Don't let your insecurities drag you into unhealthy relationships.

Because you are stunning, worth it and loveable. You're Someone people can look up to or admire even if it's for something simple like your humour.

Also thank you, I'll be sure to not overwork myself, make sure you don't pressure yourself too hard about work or your hobbies. Hobbies are all about fun!

Warning: self loathing, depressive themes, angst

You could stand it.

Your eyes traveled along the gifts and trinkets that were in your room. Each one gifted to you by a powerful demon; a demon you live with.

You couldn't stand it.

You could get it; why would someone like that every like you? You weren't special and yet Everyone insisted that you were. You're not the key. Not anything Diavolo wants or expects. Definitely not what the brothers want.

You had to scoff. The brothers only like you because of Lilith, if you were related then they'd never see you as anything but some human. Lilith dragged you here, she made sure you came here and for what? To be always told you're going to be some big thing; someone to destroy hatred and help bring together three realms.

Do they not realize how much pressure that is??!!!! And the how are you even going to do that?! You're magic is unpredictable and useless - it perfectly reflects you.

You whimpered at your own thoughts. The word useless stinging at your heart; it was almost if a knife lodged itself into your chest. Constantly stabbing the word useless into it.

You were useless. They need to find someone who can actually live up to their expectations. Just a good for nothing human....why do they even like you?

You looked back at the gifts, your watery stare turning into a hateful glare.

The question was burning inside your head. You couldn't understand; what did he see in you? You're not special! You're not anything anyone wants you to be and you're just being forced on a pedestal you didn't make!

Why did he always look at you the way he does? Like you actually mean something. Why does he smile so softly when you enter the room?

Why would he be like that when you KNOW that as soon as he meets another human, he'll be running after them without hesitation. Everyone was so much more attractive than you and better than you - you couldn't get why he loved you. Why- no how?! You weren't good enough for him!

No matter how many times he says I love you or compliments you it leaves such a bitter disgusting taste in your mouth. You're so horrible you can't even let people be nice to you - it's all a lie anyway. No one could love you. Never. No one!

You were useless! Disgusting! You weren't even attractive! You weren't loveable! You're a horrible person who looks just as horrible as they are. How can they look at you like that?! How can they stand you?! You're nothing!

You don't get it!

Why?! Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why-!

A scream ripped itself out of your throat. Tears streaming down your face as you clutched your head. Your body curled into itself, shaking and trembling as you choked on your sobs. You coughed through it as you tried to breath but the tears kept coming. Drowning you as you desperately tried to breath under their weight.

The pain was unbelievable. You felt like your head was on fire. You could barely even make out the figure standing at your door. Whoever they were, they scooped you up from the floor and rubbed circles into your arms. You clutched to them for dear life as you cried.

Somewhere in your brain you could tell who it was and it only made you cry harder. Shame filling your lungs as you tried to escape their caring embrace.

"No-! Stop it! I'm nothing! I'm useless-! Let me go-!! Why- why won't you leave me alone?! I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! LET ME DIE-!"

were you dying? You felt like it. The ache was painful; your chest growing tighter and tighter. You pounded on their chest, demanding they let you be the useless thing that you are alone.

Lucifer:

He forced back his tears

Just rubbing circles into your skin as he held you

To think you were this Insecure despite being the nicest person who knew

You were Better than him and don't let pride stop you - you were amazing

"not good enough for me? What made you believe that...? You're perfect for me, you complete me."

You denied his claims, sobbing as you listed your insecurities

"Your insecurities don't define you, you're so much more than that - I wouldn't of picked you to be my love if I didn't think you'd be adequate."

He wasn't sure if you were still listening but he pushed past his doubts

Adjusting you in his embrace

"I- I'm not sure if I'm comforting you....I'm not good at being the gentle hand, I want you to see how I see you - you're kind, charming and always keeping me in awe, you mean so much to me, I'll trade anything I could just to see you smile - I love you."

Mammon:

There can only be one self loathing idioit in this relationship

He refuses to let you feel like how he has

His forced confidence - you could easily see through it - anyone could

But you were the only one who then actually helped him feel better when you did see through it

He let a few tears stray, holding you close

"did someone say something to you? I don't forgive 'em for ever making ya this upset, I'm not letting you feel like this."

You shook your head, muttering that he should let you

"why should I? You're my favourite person and you've only made me happy - so let me make you happy! You're the only person who's ever treated me the way ya treat me and I won't let you hate yourself!"

He hugged you even tighter, squeezing you as he hid his face in your shoulder

"you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, okay? You always know how to make me feel better and it's my turn to make you feel better but you gotta listen to me! I lo-love you! The great Mammon loves you so badly that he just wants to kiss you every day! You're amazing and I won't forgive ya if you let yourself keep going on like this, let me support you.... please...I don't want you to go."

Levithan:

He couldn't get it

He's always been jealous of your personality and ability to make others feel good

His envy makes him despise himself - so seeing you be the same, he couldn't take it

He gave you one big squeeze

"d-don't be stupid! You're the best thing that's come into my life - even better than ruri-chan!"

You didn't believe him, he was obessed with that character

"but it's true-! If I could I'd get loads of merchandise of you too because you're my favourite person! You're just like the protagonists I read about."

His face was beat red but he was determined to make you feel better

"You're Henry, you are brave and kind, always trying your best even if that best isn't up to your own or others standards, you Inspire me! I've thought about of making a series about you...so others can feel just as happy as I do when I see you, you make me feel less insecure and like I actually mean something - why can I do to make you feel the same? You mean everything to me! I really like you....I like-like you-! I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! Let me make you feel how you make me feel because then you'll see just how amazing you are!"

Satan:

Did someone makes you feel like this or was it just your own thoughts?

If it isn't the latter he'll need to find out who's hurt you

But right now, he hugged you tighter and cradled your head

He couldn't stand to see and hear you so destressed

"did I do something to make you feel like this? I'm so sorry if I did, I don't always realize when I come off rude or hateful- I could never hate you."

You held him tight, telling him to stop

"but I need to fix it if I've hurt you and if it wasn't me then whoever did needs to keep quiet, you don't deserve these feelings."

You huffed, trying to not cry more

He gave your Shoulder a small squeeze

"you're more than enough for me, you're so good to me - sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough for you, you're always so patient with me and don't make me feel like I'm some unthinking beast, you don't think I'm lying when I be genuine and that makes me love you - I do love you - you make me feel good and I want to do the same for you, you're beyond good and I'll always be happy with the person you are and can become because I know you can do so much and always bring positivity even in the darkest times."

Asmodeus:

He's crying too

He hated of being seen as insecure

He only wanted confidence

Seeing you sob and beat on yourself like this only reminded him of his most private moments

He held you even closer, rocking you gently

"No, dear, I love you too much to let you feel like this, you're amazing to me and I think you're better than even myself, you're my number 1."

You shook your head, telling him he's lying

"I'm not, why would I lie? You're the sweetest person I know, you don't see me as some sex object - you make me feel real and happy - so so happy."

He kissed the top of your head, hiding his tear streaked face

"I want you to be happy....you deserve it, you've got only so long to live and I'm so scared that you're going to hate yourself even until you die, I don't want that! You're beautiful amazing and I could never ask for anyone better! Please- just let's work on our confidence together...okay? You're so wonderful, don't let yourself become so hateful."

Beezlebub:

He's absolutely broken

How didn't he realize you felt this bad about yourself??

He didn't even realize he was crying aswell, just holding you close as his mind screamed at him

"did something make you feel like this? It hurts to hear you say these things."

You shook your head before nodding, muttering you just won't talk anymore

"I didn't mean that, I always want you to be open with me and if not me, atleast one of my brother's."

He picked you up, placing you in a more comfortable position and held you close to his chest

"I love you, it took me awhile to realize that but I do, you make me feel full and happy - like I just ate a big buffet of warm cakes and dishes, I'm always warm when I'm with you, I don't believe you're not good enough - you're kind to me and never judge me for eating, you help me with working out but most importantly, you fixed my family and brought my twin back, I don't know how to make you see how much that means to me and I don't want you to feel bad about yourself when you're always the best person in the room - you're really great."

Belphegor:

"just let me die"

Those words hurt him so bad

He was like that, he demanded to be left to Rot with his own self loathing when Lilith died

He pulled you close to his chest as he grabbed your shoulder

"You're not allowed to feel like this, you've done nothing to feel this much hatred towards yourself."

You told him he was wrong, crying harder

"when am I wrong? I- okay, I can be wrong but I'm not wrong about you, you're my favourite person which means I love you and I don't let my favourite people sit and cry."

He cuddled you, nuzzling his cheek against yours

"You saved me and I will never able to make it up to you, I've hurt you and I hate it- I hate that I'm a reason you get scared, don't ever let yourself rot away, when my brother's just leave me to sleep I always feel so much dread - that I'm being left to die in my bed and will never get to see their faces again - I'll never be able to see your face again....I wouldn't be able to take it.....seeing you everyday makes me want to leave my bed and always make sure you smile, let me make you smile again."

[shhh-no-ones-home]

heavy cross to bear* matt Murdock x reader

+++++++++ Request @juniebugg: reader and Matt are in a very serious relationship (could be married) but then when reader actually sees Elektra, whom she already knew about but has never seen because she was "dead," she gets really insecure and tells matt that he deserves better or something and he reassures her. Angst and smut"

hopefully its not too ooc this is my first MM smut so i hope you like! and thanks again for the request!!

* - you asked for smut and that really is all this is lol, little bit of story. 

Song: wasted time by skid row

tag list: @cynic-spirit @juniebugg

+++++++++

i sat at the table sipping coffee and thinking. it was almost nine at night and i knew i should be getting ready for bed but my body wasn't quite ready to move yet. when matt disappeared into our bedroom i figured he'd be changing into daredevil for the millionth time but when he emerged in his pajamas i was a little surprised. and then it hit me. maybe he knew. hell, he always knew.

but maybe it was just that something was off, that i needed him to say it again, to stay with me and make sure i knew. but then there was her. she had showed up out of nowhere and took me off guard more than anything else up until now. one more doubt at the forefront of my mind. that i didnt believe him when he said he loved me despite being married for a year, despite having dated for three before hand, and despite everything he has done to keep me safe. because he loved her first and it felt like the biggest lie ive ever been told. even after a couple days of sitting on it and hoping it would go away. still it was there. in the back of my mind:

"matt i dont know if i can do this anymore."

his head tilted to the side and he looked confused.

"do what?"

he asked almost worried, moving slowly to the table and sitting.

"this, us. i just- you deserve so much more, so much better than- well, than me."

he was quick to scoot his chair closer to my own, his hand coming to rest on mine.

"hey, dont even say that. what would make you think i would want anyone but you?"

now he absolutely sounded worried.

"i saw her matt."

"saw who?"

i shook my head.

"that woman, your ex. you said she was gone."

"elektra?"

he sounded a little broken.

"shes something else ill give her that much. i see why you like her."

he swallowed hard.

"elektra is dead."

i shook my head.

"then why was she here? looking for you. saying your name with such... god i dont even know how to explain it. matthew."

i repeated it exactly as she had said it and it felt wrong. like i was acting. saying someone elses emotions and intentions. they were no longer mine. or at least it seemed like it. There was a long silence and I just stared at him.

"She was here?"

There was hope in his voice and I figured that was it. It made me angrier than it probably should've and my only response was to stand and walk away. I got half way across the living room before he caught my arm.

"Y/n, that doesn't matter. I-"

He swallowed hard and I tried to study his face.

"You mean more to me than anything. Yes I love, loved, her but I married you. I chose you. I want nothing more than to be with you. For better or for worse remember?"

He bargained and I sighed heavily.

"How can I be sure you mean that? What if she comes back? again."

He shook his head, taking both my hands in his and stepping closer to me.

"Let me prove it to you. If she really is back then it doesn't matter. I'm with you, I love you, and I'll always chose you."

I closed my eyes, feeling him get closer and closer until his forehead was against my own.

"We belong together."

He whispered before kissing me gently.

"I only want you."

He kept just as quiet, kissing next to my mouth once, then twice, making his way across my cheek and to my jaw.

"Matt."

I breathed out and he paused. I licked my lips lightly before opening my eyes and looking at him. He really did seem like he meant it. He was trying so hard to keep it together.

"I can't lose you."

He sounded so broken.

"Do it."

He drew his brows and I brought my hand up to touch his face gently. We were still so close I could feel his breath fanning my neck.

"Show me you mean it."

I said softly and his Expression changed.

"I love you so much."

He said before kissing me harshly, releasing my hands and pressing his fingertips into my hips. I hummed against him as he walked us backwards. We stumbled along as he pulled my shirt up, tossing it to the floor.

"Matt."

I moaned, pulling his shirt up next. It was gone in a second and he was back, kissing me and moving quickly to get my pants down. His hands roamed my body just as much as mine roamed his. I traced my fingers slowly up his torso, grazing over his scars before wrapping my arms around his neck. I gasped when he picked me up. There was a soft laugh that escaped him and I was relieved to see him smile even if it was just a second. He knew it would take some convincing and he was right. I needed to know he meant it. That Elektra wasn't gonna be a problem.

"I need you."

He whispered again, laying me gently on the bed and situating himself between my legs.

"I need you to know how much I mean it."

He kissed my jaw slowly, then down my neck and across my collar bone.

"Prove it."

I challenged, my breath hitching in my throat as he ripped my bra open from the front, his lips grazing my nipple before taking it into his mouth. He hummed against me, his finger tips down my torso and into my panties.

"Matt."

I moaned, dropping my head back as he ran his finger up me and against my clit. i closed my eyes, pushing my head back into the bed as he stroked me, kissing his way back up to my exposed neck.

"i love you."

he repeated against the heat of my skin. when he resituated i could feel how hard he was already.

"i need you."

i breathed out, pressing my hips up into him as he continued to finger me.

"matt."

i whined, him removing his hand long enough to pull my panties down. i looked up to him with lust blown eyes, watching him intently as he got rid of his boxers.

"youre still okay with this?"

he asked and i nodded quickly, pulling his face to mine and kissing him deeply.

"please."

i moaned, inhaling deeply before he kissed me again, pushing his hips into mine. my breath caught in my throat as he pushed all the way into me, catching my bottom lip between his teeth as my mouth hung open.

"i wanna hear you."

he said softly.

"feel you."

he moaned against my shoulder, dropping his head to the crook of my neck as he placed his large palm over my heart. it was already banging at my rib cage begging to be let out but i could have swore it did when he started moving. he pulled out of me slowly before slamming back into me and i moaned so loudly i was surprised at myself. and then he did it again and again, getting a good rhythm. it was long, and hard. nothing like our nights prior, even on his worst of days when he's frustrated and in need of release. no this was different. purposeful.

"matt."

i held onto him for dear life, pressing my fingertips into his shoulder blades as he continued to pound into me in long drawn out strokes.

"tell me. tell me what you want."

he grunted out, trying to sound as steady as possible.

"i want you. god i only want you!"

i cried out as he thrusted upward harshly. then he did it again and i saw stars, my mouth falling open as i moaned.

"thats my girl."

he praised, trailing his hand down my torso and pressing his finger in circles against my clit.

"youre almost there."

he coaxed, building me up. i could feel the tightness building, pressing my hips up to meet him as he kept his pace.

"im so close."

i panted, pressing my finger tips harder into his bicep as i gripped onto him.

"do it, do it for me, let go."

he said softly and i snapped. my orgasm racked through my body and my vision went blurry. i was breathing hard as he rode out my high, still chasing his own.

"im almost there."

he said, squeezing his eyes shut. he moved to pull out but i wrapped my legs tightly around his waist.

"y/n?"

he asked surprised and i leaned up to kiss him.

"just do it."

i said, pressing a hard kiss to his neck. he kept going, knuckles going white against the bedsheets as he came in me with a loud groan.

"oh my god."

he panted, slowing his thrusts.

"i love you oh my god."

he said, dropping to his forearms, trying not to put his full weight on top of me. my legs were still wrapped tightly around his torso as we both calmed down.

"i love you too matty."

i said softly, feeling him nuzzle his nose against my neck. it made me giggle a little bit and i could feel him smiling against my skin before kissing it gently.

"you have no idea how relieved i am to hear that. youre the only one for me. always will be."

i sighed softly in content, kissing his forehead and dropping my legs.

"im sorry i doubted you. i just. i need a reminder every once in a while i guess."

he kissed my chest before pulling out of me and dropping to the bed beside me.

"i will give you as many reminders as you need, as long as we both shall live."

he said, taking my hand in his and kissing the back of it.

"thank you matt. thank you for everything. especially knocking some sense into me."

he raised a brow, a half smirk on his face and i immediately wondered what was going through that mind of his.

"after tonight sense might not be the only thing i knocked into you."

i couldnt help but laugh, him matching it as i rolled onto his chest.

"i know you want nothing more than to tell the father we're finally starting that catholic family with lots and lots of beautiful babies but i still have my iud."

he let out a short laugh sigh before i kissed him quickly.

"but that doesnt mean i couldnt be persuaded into getting it taken out."

he raised an intrigued brow.

"oh?"

i laughed lightly.

"ill think about it. right now i just wanna live in this moment with you."

i said the last bit through a yawn, resting my head against his chest and hearing his heartbeat.

"i love you."

he whispered, earning a hum from me as i dozed off.