#don't bully my german

[glowyyfish]

haii \^_^/

[not-the-cheese]

one sentence summaries of every TMA episode

(1-60 i'll add more soon)

part 2 up!

world's most effective anti-smoking PSA

man DOES NOT open coffin. everyone claps.

woman is judgemental towards neighbor even though she has hobbies that are just as weird.

book makes multiple people fall off chair.

man finds bag of teeth and decides he absolutely needs to fuck around and find out.

worm sti.

there was a SCARY MAN in the WAR.

fuck this tree

well at least ted bundy was a great father :)

i'm like 55% sure vampires are real and i'm willing to take those odds

bitches be dying. you're next.

we kill this man because he made the soda too warm.

sorry ur husband's dead. maybe get some help.

Unbox with me ! (GONE WRONG)

hah i'm safe from this one because i have decided to Never Go Into a Cave Ever.

man is so annoying about this spider that even his cat can't be bothered

man's bully finds a book about a Bone Turner and subsequently begins turning people's bones.

this guy sucks at DIY home improvement

aw maybe this priest didn't do anything THAT bad!

oh fuck nevermind

THE SKY ATE MY SON.

the worms stole my identity. i haven't left the house in days.

man beats german children at game of bravery and wins a coin (he later loses this coin)

my ex boyfriend gets casted in the muppets and dies

sorry mom, i've abandoned jesus for a new religion : jesus in the dark.

tall squiggly and HANDsome

old man arm wrestles demon through door knob

the buzzfeed unsolved guys finally catch a ghost but it's their sound tech

immortality but at what cost

working at the big meat factory was so traumatizing it made me vegetarian

i go to america and get almost killed by a furry

well if you love that wasp nest so much why don't you MARRY it (and then she did)

antisocial boat crew bands together to exclude one guy from a midnight party. he dies from the rejection.

bone apple teeth

remember when that norwegian guy threw a tantrum about us not digging a hole? turns out we were right to not dig that hole.

babe come over my parents have taken ill and passed away

man fucks around and it costs him everything

HOMOPHOBIC CHINESE VASE

oh god oh fuck the worms are here

thank you for participating in worms! please rate your wormsperience from 1 to 10.

the wormsperience has left me deeply scarred. i'm going to get lost in a tunnel about it.

🎸music makes me loose control🎸

spooky stories to tell at the next police slumber party

child threatens to run away and join the circus one too many times, and now the circus has come to cash in.

these mosquitoes are mad sus

man frequents local barnes and noble and then dies(?) after liking a book too much.

realtor gets eaten by the backrooms twice. it's a terrible shame.

both me and this weird goth dude have an unsatisfying italy vacation

guy who turns people's bones gets a new job where he continues to turn people's bones.

man who should never be allowed to build prisons builds a prison.

Something Big Is In The Water.

what if u heard me about 15 feet behind you fumbling around and calling out ur name 😳 (and we were both prison guards)

i'm going to be honest i didn't retain anything from this episode except that this guy has the silliest old man voice ever

everybody hates the tax man, including these creepy taxidermy animals

hmmgh. ant house.

so turns out being only 55% sure that vampires are real in my career as a vampire hunter has had some consequences.

the only thing keeping you company in space is your abandonment issues

🎶 the snack that smiles back 🎶 (my husband!)

maybe the real treasure was the house siblings we encased in spider web along the way.

your dead brother wrote books about ancient myths and WHAT

Part 2

[niborniac]

nooooo why do you hate heidi she's so funny :((((

you're not german are you

[phas3d]

Fake Dating | Slytherin Boys

type :: fluff

tw/cw :: none

contains :: draco, tom, mattheo, theodore, lorenzo

notes :: fake dating is the FUEL TO MY LIFE AHHH slightly inspired by "please please please" by Sabrina Carpenter because ofc it is

DRACO MALFOY

He's bullied you for ages, literally making your high school years hell

But after his father and mother pressure him with questions about a girlfriend

He gets sick of it and wants to shut up for ONE NIGHT just one fucking night

So he gets you to pretend to be his partner, because you're the only girl willing to say yes (because ur scared of him)

Corners you and threatens you, "If you don't give me an Oscar worthy performance I will literally burn all of your uniforms and books"

Now you're at his house, eating expensive steak under 3 chandeliers

No one knows why he has 3 chandeliers,,, not even his parents

But instantly, his parents love you for your nerdiness and cuteness

They see you as a sweet and innocent little partner for Draco :)

But uh oh... you were TOO perfect for his parents

Now Draco is asking you to go with his parents to Germany for a "little trip"

Except their idea of a "little trip" is a week vacation in the most expensive hotel and meeting German celebrities

You can't speak German, but Draco can so he helps answer any questions asked towards you

But for some reason, he gets super agitated as you keep attending parties and people keep coming up to you

He gets so mad on the second-to-last-day of the week vacation to the point he grabs some random guys collar and shouts at him

You pull try to pull them apart but it's too late...

Draco gets his ass whooped... Badly... Embarrassingly bad...

You leave the party early, going back to the hotel alone as you patch his wounds

That's when you ask why he was so upset

But he refuses to answer, saying it's just that the guy was annoying

It's obvious that he's lying, so you keep pushing him and pushing him

So he angrily blurts out: "Because people keep fucking asking for your number!!! GOD!!! You're so dense!"

He says as he lightly flicks your forehead before staring deeply into your eyes: conveying everything he's been feeling for you for these past weeks of "fake dating"

TOM RIDDLE

Mattheo is Tom's worse enemy, despite being brothers

Yet again, Mattheo teases and mocks Tom for being a loser with zero "rizz" or whatever that means

He's sick of Mattheo's stupid ass slang, everyday he hears "you're a beta" "ur aura is so low" "zero rizz bruh"

He's literally going to kill him

But sadly he can't do that, so he comes up with a different solution

He chooses you, a random kid he did a project with once, to pretend to be his new partner

You were hesitant but he then threw in an extra bonus, he would do all your homework for two classes of your choice

So obviously you had to take it

He had to prepare you for the worse: Mattheo

Tom forced you to visit his dorm to study how to reply to Mattheo when you finally meet him

He also made you study how to act like a couple in public

Which he knew nothing about... He was technically right about hand holding and matching clothes

But his version of hand holding was very uncomfortable, the type where you don't interlock fingers

And the clothes he picked were ugly as hell, no way you'd ever wear that stuff

So you had to help him a lot with learning how to act natural in relationships

When he feels that you're finally prepared, he lets you meet Mattheo

Mattheo is super sus at first but is too dumb to question harshly

But now, you're stuck as pretending to be Tom's girlfriend for the rest of the year

He's painfully unaffectionate in public which makes you slightly embarrassed because he makes you look like a clingy girlfriend

But in private, when he's teaching you what to say and doing your homework: he's surprisingly sweet

He gets better at being a boyfriend over time and even takes you on full dates, not just fake photoshoots to post online

But he's still insisting to keep this relationship as just beneficial, no string attached

You can't help but start to fall for him, it's literally impossible to not

He gifts you everything you've ever wanted, takes you to fancy places, making him chuckle under his breathe feels more rewarding than any A+ ever, and those small private moments where you can feel a soul behind his eyes instead of the ice cold make you love him

So you cut it off with him, lying and saying you don't need the benefits and it's too hard to keep lying

He accepts this and lets you go

You end up being really popular once you're single

And that pisses him off ENDLESSLY

He found you first! He basically made you! You're still his, he can't let someone take all his hard work

And for some reason,,, he felt hollow after you left - as if he lost something dear to him

He's not sure how you brought out these emotions, but he wants it back ASAP

MATTHEO RIDDLE

Oh my god double trope: because Mattheo started dating you because he was dared to

You're seen as a kinda bitch in Hogwarts because a group of girls said so

But in reality, you're really chill and grounded, which surprised Mattheo when he went on your first date

You made him laugh a few times (a lot, he's too cocky to admit it)

And you also were really similar to Mattheo, you liked the same games and shows

As he kept pretending to date you, he started to actually like you and your presence

But he's still not too attached because he knows he needs to break up with you in about 2 months

As the weeks pass by, you accidentally read a message for Mattheo

It was from Theo, saying "Jesus dude, you two almost seem like a real couple. You should try acting haha"

You froze but started to plot your revenge on him

You kept acting like everything was fine and normal, and then broke up with HIM

Mattheo was shocked, because not only has he completely fallen for you but he's also never been broken up with

He unsure of what to do, but all he knows is he wants you back

THEODORE NOTT

Pulling girls has almost never been a problem for Theo his entire life

He even pulled grown women while being 14 years old (he's a victim...)

But his main problem is pulling a girl that would be approved by his parents

Theo surrounds himself with heavy drinkers, partiers, and dumb jocks: meaning there's not many partners that are "marriage material"

So he asks you, the Head Girl of your house, to pretend to be his girlfriend for family events

You agreed due to the large sum of money he was paying you, it's insane how rich he is

Every time Theo had a family event, he would just call you up and BOOM his family loves you

But as you keep coming to these family events, acting as a couple becomes less and less awkward for you both

You both agreed to not kiss each other due to this just being acting, plus kissing at family events is weird

But God, Theo really wants to break that rule when you and him are alone on the balcony at night while you ramble about the struggles of being Head Girl

He never thought he'd fall for the super nerdy, responsible, and awkward Head Girl - but he did, and he fell super hard

Theo wants to straight up ask you to be his real girlfriend, but he's so scared

He's scared of making you uncomfortable for catching feelings or making you think he planned this all along

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

Enzo's best friend is Blaise, almost everyone knows that

But what everyone also knows is that Blaise has the FATTEST crush on your best friend, Pansy Parkinson

And even more well known is that Pansy liked him back

There was literally no reason for these two to not get together, they were just too scared to confess

Which is odd since they're both so head-strong and confident, you guess it's just because they're scared of rejection

So Enzo reaches out to you, asking you to help come up with a plan to set them both up on a date

You two are complete strangers, only ever talking once or twice whilst in a group

So you both create a lie: that you and Enzo are going on a first date and need them to tag along to make it a "double date"

Obviously, this works on them because they're great friends

So now you and Enzo are on an awkward fake date while your best friends basically make out next to you

The original plan was just to tell Pansy and Blaise that there was no spark between you and Enzo

But due to you both spending an entire 12 hours together with Blaise and Pansy, you guys got comfortable with each others

He makes you laugh a ton and you do the same

You both love really niche topics and shows, even sharing the same favorite sports teams

Your bond only grows stronger after Blaise and Pansy ask for another double date

But you and Enzo take it slow, having the most sexual tension for months because you both were just claiming to be "friends only"

You finally broke that after about 4 months, thank God

[shadowvalkyrie]

There are a lot of things about Taskmaster that feel very... culturally British. That mixture of extreme silliness with occasionally very dark humour for example.

Or the particular tone of affectionate bullying and the way it's (mostly) taken in good humour. (And expected to be taken in good humour, even when it hits a nerve. Something that caused quite a bit of bad blood between the Brits and the Germans in my former workplace, because we generally don't shrug off insults that easily.)

But I think one difference is sort of... simmering under the surface in ways that aren't immediately obvious to international audiences (and makes me wish I was still writing uni papers, because it would be a GOLDMINE), is how much of the humour is based on the British class system.

I mean, the basic premise of "tyrannical taskmaster makes people jump through arbitrary hoops for his favour and then belittles them for doing so" is already something only an audience with a slightly monarchical bend would accept unquestioningly. Add to that the way the Taskmaster/Assistant relationship is set up... Let's just say it fetishises a social dynamic that doesn't exist in quite the same way elsewhere.

Which I think may partially explain why so many people seem to be oblivious to the D/s undertones. -- Of course it's often kink-blindness on the part of non-kinky people, but I strongly suspect it's helped along by the cultural perception of what constitutes an acceptable power differential acting as a buffer to seeing anything off about it. The threshold for when it becomes weird is different.

Now, I think (and since I'm not British, do correct me if I have it wrong!) a key part of what makes the basic premise funny to British audiences (and differently from how it's funny to international ones) is the way cultural expectations of power vs submission are subverted.

Purely based on accent? Alex is the posh one. By miles. And Greg -- very pointedly! -- doesn't do the matching Fauxbridge that most viewers would probably expect from someone presented in a position of authority (or even just a "neutral" BBC accent). It seems bizarre from a foreign point of view, but I've found that this kind of discrepancy immediately and viscerally registers with Brits. (It's uncanny how little it takes, too -- ask your favourite non-TM-aware English person to just listen to the different ways they say "taskmaster" and they will extrapolate things you cannot even imagine.) Instead of just the regional connotation, there are always implications of class and social status to an accent that are absolutely baffling to the unaware.

Add the fact that Greg Davies is from Wales, and a lot of English people have a weird colonial superiority complex towards Welsh people to this day... It's enough to make all these obvious gestures of devoted subservience from Alex very unexpected and therefore funny.

(Also notice how it adds interesting layers to Katherine Ryan buying Greg a fake lordship title? And makes it funnier in a way she may not even have fully been aware of herself, being Canadian? It's delightfully irreverent and pokes fun at the whole system.)

My guess is that this is also why the studio audience's reaction to linguistics-based jokes is always so strong. Lets take the recurring bit about Alex correcting Greg's grammar. To an international audience, the main joke is that Alex is a nerd and cares too much about grammar, with maybe a side of him being a smartarse towards his boss in a potentially ill-advised way. But to a British audience, the level of audacious insubordination implied there? Much stronger. Wildly offensive thing to do. (And a level of arrogance that is extra hilarious coming from someone shown to be sleeping in a dog bed.)

The same mechanism also puts Alex's snide little asides towards contestants with regional or "urban" accents into perspective. Offensive dick move on his part? Oh yes, extremely. But the audience is very much not supposed to be on his side in this. He's being a bigoted little bully, and either the contestants get to humiliate him in retaliation (it's certainly not a coincidence that the Welsh and Irish contestants are generally the ones having the most fun putting him in his place) or Greg calls him out on it in the studio. In a society in which Alex's brand of micro-aggression is still incredibly commonplace and accent discrimination a widely accepted default, it's actually very cathartic to see it openly acknowledged and condemned.

I mean Tumblr obviously loves Alex, because he's cute and funny and we love the Greg/Alex D/s thing (I'm definitely guilty of this as well), but we have to remember that -- in the context of the show's premise -- his character is supposed to be pathetic and ridiculous, so when Greg does the "next to me a man who once told me while drunk that he thinks regional accents are inversely correlated to intelligence" intro thing, we're meant to see it as an asshole opinion that is actually unacceptable to hold and no one in their right mind would openly admit to. So Greg is humiliating Alex by (supposedly) exposing him as someone who would spout that kind of opinion. (Same as the jokes about Alex's misogyny. I see people criticise these jokes all the time, but I think that's because they refuse to understand how the underlying mechanism actually works and take them at face value as the real Alex's actual opinion, rather than something deliberately assigned to his in-show character to make a point about them being terrible.)

[bornofsteelblood]

I can't get this big tall nerd out of my head so I wrote this to ease my mind. DISCLAIMER: This is my take on König but I have other AU's too. I headcanon him to be a reserved nerd whose anxiety stems from being bullied for his size as a kid and now he's aware/confident that he's built like a redwood tree. When he's with his SO, he's happy to yap. My take on the "strong and silent" trope. He studied military history to become a Colonel which evolved into a hobby of collecting war memorabilia. I don't speak German so this may be cringe for anyone that does lol. I haven't written something like this in years, let alone about a character in the military, and I'm not super familiar with the COD franchise. I don't know how to edit this to look fancy either. I'm just a huge König fan. --------------------------------------------------------------------

König had come to terms with his towering stature before he enlisted in the army. He wasn’t always the muscular Austrian that you had come to call your own. Plagued by social anxiety, restlessness, and gangly limbs, he learned to adapt through his military training. He grew into his body but couldn’t shake his inability to stay still. Snipers were renowned for their unwavering hands but this skill evaded König.

Getting rejected from becoming a sniper made him more resourceful, as evidenced by his t-shirt mask that he constructed himself. Adolescent cruelty and resentment towards his size no longer haunted him as he was now a colonel for a private military company. He was confident in his abilities and enjoyed destroying down barriers as an insertion specialist.  

Your relationship blossomed when you discovered the man had a military history degree that complimented your fascination with general history. It thrilled you even more when he took you back to his flat just to showcase the memorabilia he had collected throughout the years, including some impressive tactical gear he took pride in.

You viewed his interests and ramblings as endearing. “I am not boring you?” König asked as he plucked down a canister of discontinued replica bullets from a high shelf. You shook your head with a smile and retorted if he had installed that shelf himself since it was nearly touching the ceiling. Heat rose to his face and you could tell he was smiling under his mask with the crinkles that formed on the corners of his eyes.     

His fondness for your company grew into adoration. The long stretch of his shadow often engulfed your own when he stood near you; a bad omen to most but a reassurance of security to you. The constant shuffle of heavy gear and gloved hands against your waist was comforting. König was a man of few words around his comrades; chiming in when he felt it was important or to interject with his dry, sarcastic humor.

However, his reserved demeanor was another tactic that only you were aware of. Anyone could see that he was an unyielding powerhouse on the field, wielding his body like an indestructible machine as bones effortlessly splintered under the weight of his boot. Only you got to see him become completely defensiveness under your touch.

For instance, the solid weight of a gun was a morbid comfort to König. It gave his hands something to hold and cured his restlessness when he couldn’t touch you. When you were on base, he preferred to holster his gun to his back and allow you his full attention. He’d widen his stance and place his hands on his lower back to stop himself from mindlessly groping you; a point you made that always ended with him sheepishly muttering “Ich kann nichts dafür. Du bist wunderschön.”

He bent down at the waist, hands twitching to stay still, to allow you to brush his mask aside and kiss him deeply. He lost his half-hearted fight to keep his hands to himself when he felt your mouth traveling along the small scars that littered his neck.

Translation:  “Ich kann nichts dafür. Du bist wunderschön.” -> “I can’t help it. You’re gorgeous.”    

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Cod Characters General Dating Headcanons (part three)

+ Random and Some bits of Chubby Fem S/O Headcanons with mentions of different nationality S/O

+ What type of BF/GF they would be

Including König, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Keegan P. Russ, Philip Graves (+ some headcanons including the Shadows), Makarov

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Fem terms and pronouns like she/her are used for the reader

ꕥ HOPE YOU ENJOY! ꕥ

My rules for requests and characters I can write for

A/n: I tried so hard to get this one out in time with the other but my other wips are getting to me 😭. I posted twice today just to feed y'all ahaha.

Disclaimers/warnings: Typical Cod things, OOC characters???, Unrealistic, Some suggestive themes and language, I'm so sorry but English is not my first language so please don't come after me. Most of the content I've seen are on TikTok and Tumblr I don't actually play the game but I love the characters so much, same with any other content I have for other video games.

Tiny sidenote: the reader in this has been describe to be shorter than the characters and has been mentioned to have a soft body rather than the muscular type.

König

ꕥ (PLEASE DON'T COME AFTER ME, I DON'T KNOW ANY GERMAN AND I'M USING GOOGLE TRANSLATE)

ꕥ Speaking of König, I don't think this man is the shy boy that some people is making him out to be (not that he doesn't have that side at all, I just feel like they make it his whole personality). Based on voice lines alone this man is cocky asf.

ꕥ There's a reason for his mask, yes he was bullied as a child because of his looks and that's one of the causes to his social anxiety but that doesn't mean this mf is shy. He just like to avoid people and social interactions yk. (Y'all have no idea how much I can relate to this)

ꕥ Has and will continue to use his height to his advantage, someone bothering you while you're both sat having a wonderful time together? This mf stands the fuck up, shoulders back, chest out and everything. Looming over that person while glaring down, arms crossed while they're engulfed by the shadow of this 6'10 behemoth of a man.

ꕥ Chubby!Reader? He'll throw you over his shoulders, only using one arm below your ass while he carries you off. Seriously it is no problem to this man, he'd beg you to sit on his face and suffocate him. If anything I'd say he has a preference for it yk, very soft and plush reader for real.

ꕥ Our DIY king here wearing a shirt for a hood, his hair sticking out of the hole for the head whenever he's dressing casual. Play with his hair like right now, you'll make him melt right then and there.

ꕥ Enjoys cuddling, hasn't had many partners and by that I mean kinda none. Nobody was insane enough to approach him till you came around so he's very touch starved. He didn't even know he enjoyed touching that much till he was able to feel the amount of warmth your body gives him. He'd swear on his life that he was intoxicated in that moment.

ꕥ Whenever you sit or straddle on his lap, he's still so fucking tall. I swear you will gain neck pains if you wanna keep eye contact while talking to him. (I understand the struggle, I am a 5'1 girly. Every character I know within the CoD universe is taller than me 😭)

ꕥ Doesn't actually wear his mask around you, he's comfortable and trust you enough to know you wouldn't go around telling everyone what he looks like.

ꕥ Nicknames he'd call you in German are Mein Schatz, Fräulein, Liebling, Engel and Kleine Maus

ꕥ He's still definitely bitter about not being a sniper. (AHAHAHA)

Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin

ꕥ (IF I'M BEING HONEST, I DID NOT EXPECT HIS VOICE TO BE THAT DEEP. ALSO HIS VOICE LINES IN KOREAN/HANGUL (IDK WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT)

ꕥ He has doodles on his tactical gear that he did himself (there are also one that are a tribute to squid game because man's had a gambling addiction), has asked you to draw on it too and he proudly wears it when on duty. Will feel stupid while unconsciously smiling if you draw a heart.

ꕥ Writing something down on his vest from your own mother tongue and he's asking the meaning, if it's genuinely something good like a compliment or something like "I love you" then you will catch this man with a shit eating grin.

ꕥ He used to be a gambler before entering the military and it eventually got him to stop, though he still has a thing for risk, he got himself a more deadlier alternative.

ꕥ Expect surprise back hugs, this man isn't called Horangi for nothing. He's stealthy, I like to think that whatever he says to you is well thought out as well. Man knows how to think before he speaks.

ꕥ Horangi likes to pounce on things, just for the fun of it. It leads him to tackle you on your shared bed a lot, lots of play fighting too.

ꕥ HAS THE PRETTIEST EYES EVER. Like seriously, the only people who knows what he looks like is you and König. Had gentle eyes, you know that quote "His eyes softened", yeah that's the definition of his eyes.

ꕥ Loves it when you trace the veins on his arms with your finger nails, will just straight up offer his arm to you.

Keegan P. Russ

ꕥ This man and his panty dropping voice like holy hell I have never heard a voice as deep as his without a vocal fry (from those try hard guys on TikTok who try to hard thinking their thirst traps are good).

ꕥ Calls you "kid" in an affectionate way? It's honestly just what he calls anyone younger than him, you're shorter? He'll emphasize on that shit. Elaborating on the nickname I said earlier, he uses it less when y'all are dating but still does on some occasions.

ꕥ Would say the most dirty and uncalled for things, whispering it in your ears. He's and asshole in the best way possible, loves it when you gasp and playfully slap his chest.

ꕥ He's sweet though, would see you as his wife even if you're not married. You're his now, the moment you entered his life, he basically had a death grip on you.

ꕥ Something tells me that he likes talking about you or to you through radios yk. His voice sounding even deeper through the device, calling you doll even though he's supposed to refer to you with your call sign.

ꕥ Praise kink? I mean you've more likely heard his voice lines, is the type of man to praise you and ruffle your hair, either that or he'll kiss you depending on what stage of your relationship you are both in.

ꕥ Constantly thinks his eyes are weird even though they aren't, he just has sleepy eyes. Speaking of sleeping, I feel like he has such a fucked up sleeping schedule and is used to pulling all nighters more than the normal person.

ꕥ Will drag you in bed though and lay his whole weight on top of you because you ain't going nowhere, you are staying there with him and only him.

Philip Graves

ꕥ (If it isn't "Fix It Felix", please tell me I'm not the only one who sees it AHAHAHA)

ꕥ Philip is touchy, somebody for the love of everything that is holy cuddle this man please. He is just screaming at any type of physical contact at this point. (My sources? Right fucking here)

ꕥ Is the type of boyfriend to come home to you and just hug you, y'all would be there for a solid 10 minutes before he lets you go. Burying his head into your neck and just inhaling your scent while having his arms wrapped tightly around you.

ꕥ His Shadows? More like his fucking children, again going back to the TikTok. He knows how to get their attention, the little pats on the shoulder and small praises are his way of saying they did a good job and they're eating it up.

ꕥ That being said, you are either gonna be their mother figure or someone they enjoy protecting because their dad is so fond of you. Why not be both right?

ꕥ You cannot tell me this man won't be next to the grill, spatula, tongs or whatever kitchen utensil in one hand and a cold bottle of beer in the other.

ꕥ Spends his weekends with you on his lap while he watches football in your guys' couch, you're definitely scrolling on your phone during this.

ꕥ You cannot tell me this man doesn't wear cowboy hats and boots because he certainly does, is it a turn on or a turn off? I genuinely do not know..

ꕥ Is fruity on some aspects but would never fucking admit it..

Makarov

ꕥ Y'ALL ACTUALLY THOUGHT I'D WRITE FOR THIS MAN? NAH THIS ACC IS WHOLESOME (OR ANGSTY) AND ION THINK THIS MAN IS SALVAGEABLE. (This came from a girl who once was obsessed with Tom Riddle for years when she was 13, I recovered from it dw)

ꕥ This man would literally use anyone and anything as leverage for whatever he wants to achieve. (Yes I am one of those "I can fix him" people but damn idk if this man is fixable)

ꕥ Please don't tell me you actually genuinely think this man would be good to you.. I knew what I was writing was unrealistic but damn y'all are delulu on another level (so am I, stay delulu). Jokes aside I love y'all and he's one of the few I won't write for. (AHEM Severus Snape (that greasy mop haired mf)

ꕥ And yes I understand most of my shit are kind of OOC but damn if I wrote him, it would be extremely fucking far from canon and I don't like romanticizing toxic relationships (if I ever do write it, it will be angst and I can't ever promise a happy ending).

ꕥ Happy April fool's! (I know I'm posting this end of September (it's actually October now 😭)

[kneelingshadowsalome]

This just reminded me of konig idk why it’s just something about it and I was like ohh!!

“My German boss was in love with me for 3 years. I didn’t know. He was so mean to me. I signed a petition to have him fired. When he was removed they found my picture in the top drawer in his desk. 🙃

Boss König who makes you print out stupid boring stuff for him so that he can see you more often, the notorious, cold-hearted Colonel seems to enjoy making you his errand girl who brings him coffee everytime he wants :( Treats you like his personal secretary who's barely fit to scrub his boots, intimidates and follows you around during company parties, why does he have to be such a mean prick??

Complaining about him to upstairs won't work because he's ranked so high and can use all his power to bully you, mainly comments on how indecent your skirt length is or how it irritates him to listen to the loud noise of your heels, when you switch to something more soft he becomes even more grumpy, now he can't hear if you walk in on him when he's stroking his cock to the thoughts of you :(

You don't even know that he jerks off furiously during lunch breaks, fapping himself with your name on his lips and cum spilling all over the underside of his desk, no: your only reality is that your boss loathes you for some reason. He never scolds other women in the building for wearing heels and skirts, he only seems to have a fixation on what you wear and has decided to play some fashion cop with you, probably trying to make you feel slutty and dirty in a professional, testosterone-filled military base like this.

But you never budge: you keep wearing your pencil skirts and high heels just to irk him, storming into his room after a hurried knock and with your breasts spilling out your blouse because you "forgot" to button it all the way up. He always looks up from his desk with his nostrils flaring from rage, the quick once over he grants you simply an attempt to make you feel uncomfortable. You don't know if he's just an old perv or if he simply despises you personally, it should be none of his business what you wear, but it's driving you insane to run on his errands and then get looked down like that.

You almost slap him once, but he catches your hand by the wrist, and for the first time ever during your time here in this lousy base you see a hint of a pleased smile tug at his lips.

"Tsk," he talks down to you like you're a misbehaving kid. "We don't want to get you fired now, do we...?"

He even dares to button up your shirt, taking a generous look at your cleavage while doing it, saying "There... Let me get that for you," as he tugs at your too tight shirt and tries to cover you up as if you were just some poor, naked girl there at his office. (Jerk!)

[serialkilluh1996]

☆Favorite Nurse☆

König x nurse-female-reader

Fluff/angst, mild gore mention, pasted from my wattpad

Proshippers DNI

Kneeling down, you put a bandaid on Soap's arm, giving him a smile as he winced a bit. "You've got quite a few cuts." You tell him.

"Yeah, well, it's nothin' serious. Hurts like hell, I'll tell you that." He smiles back, standing up from the infirmary bed. Interrupting, another Nurse walks into the room, looking rather drained.

"Ms. [Name]. It's urgent. Konig's practically bleeding out and he won't even let me tend to his wounds. You're the only one he'll see." She explained, panting from the banter she'd had with him. You sigh, standing up properly.

"I'll deal with it." You stated, annoyance in your voice. "Can you finish up on Soap here?" You ask, and the nurse nods in compliance. You make your way to König, rolling your eyes. This happened way too often.

"Konig.." you sighed, walking into the room in which he sat, a large gash across is stomach bleeding out. "If it isn't my favorite nurse." He says playfully, his german accent prominent as ever. His eyes squinted through the mask as if he were smiling at you. You wash your hands, putting on a pair of latex gloves before cleaning the wound, causing him to wince and groan as you did so.

"For the last time, Konig. Stop bullying the other nurses to see me." You frowned, occasionally making eye contact with the injured soldier. "Bullying? I'm not bullying anyone. I was simply requesting to see you." He states. "A simple request and a stubborn demand are not the same. I'm not always available to help you." You  scold him.

"Oh, yeah? Then why do you always come?" "Because you're dying, damn it. I swear, it's like you purposely hurt yourself to see me." You ranted, pulling the bullet out of the wound. "Maybe I do. Do you know what it feels like to be shot, [Name]?" He asked bluntly, and your movements come to a hault, your eyes darting up at him.

"No. I don't." You answered, continuing your task.

"It feels like thick, hot barbwire burning  through flesh and ripping through muscles until it hits bone before cooling down. It hurts like hell. Every time I get shot I question why I even joined the military, but then I remember that every time it happens, I get to come up here and see you." His words start as those of a man telling a tale of great battles and painful experiences, slowly turning into those of a hopeless lover.

You sigh,your focus not breaking from him. "You can see me whenever you want,just... stop trying to hurt yourself? Please, be more careful and let the other nurses help you." "Of course, Love."

[simp4konig]

König jealous of your dog headcannons

Gender-neutral Reader

Word count: Definitely more than 2😎 🗿Honest to God i have no idea whay the word count is 🤦🏼‍♀️These were mewnt to be short headcannons yet as PER USUAL i got carried away 🤡🤡not abt to copynpaste every single paragraph individually into a word counter

*Slow burn

*Established relationship with König

*⚠️Google Translate German!!⚠️ (sorry guys ...💔)

*Not requested 😋😋 just something that's been on my mind.

*Pls dont worru about rqs guys!!😨 Writing two of tjem atm but I jus wanted to post this first (so my profile isnt as barren as the Sahara desert🏜️while i work at a pace that is slower than that of a turtle 🐢)! :)

*Also how tf do people make their bullet points look so good??? is it a formatting thing or sum cuz im ACTUALLT crippled 😰😰

...

König really didn't want to be jealous of your dog. He didn't.

He hadn't anticipated he would ever feel that way, especially towards a dog, of all things.

Despite not being the type to be jealous — at least, not from his perspective; he was only looking out for his darling! — his eyes would narrow whenever a soldier would approach you, being far too handsy with a stranger. His partner. It made his blood boil.

Sure, König would always stare down whoever made the mistake of flirting with you or introducing themselves with playful banter while behind you. Clearing his throat, a tense hand was placed gently yet firmly on your shoulder.

"Hör auf, mit meinem Schatz zu reden, sonst breche ich dir das Genick."

Not understanding a word of what he said, they would cower in fear nonetheless, getting the message with how he'd had spat that sentence and the venom in his voice. Glancing at their wrist despite wearing no watch, they'd insist that they were running out of time and literally run away.

When you'd look up at him in confusion, König looked back down at you innocently, paraphrasing that he had simply said you were taken.

A facepalm from you. "God, König..." you'd groan, unable to stop the silly smirk from stretching itself on your face. "You nearly made that guy shit himself. Please don't do that again."

König would likewise always straighten himself to his full height and cast a menacing shadow at the dummkopf who dared speak poorly of you.

Once they'd mumble rushed apologies and speed-walk away, you'd see him glowing with an adoring expression in his eyes, a complete 180° to the death stare he shot at the recruit and the hand gesture he made at his throat seconds before.

König would always rest a large hand on your lower back to guide you in crowds, keeping you close beside him to further drive in the point that you were strictly off limits.

Really though, he wasn't jealous. Not in the slightest!

He rationalised his behaviour as looking out for you. In no way was he being overbearing or overly territorial; if anything, people were pushing your already established boundaries and he was reminding people of them! He wasn't jealous at all, no.

Behind closed doors, however, he'd be quieter than usual and have a vulnerable look in his eyes, desperate for your reassurance and to hear you say that you loved him.

Deep down, he was insecure.

That good-looking man didn't make you swoon, did he? Why were you laughing so hard at his joke? He wanted to have made you laugh like that. You still loved him, though, didn't you? You wouldn't want to be with anyone else, right? Right?

It wasn't that König didn't trust you. Although this Colonel looked fierce in front of his collegues and used his booming voice to command others with a harsh tone he found it difficult to project at a large crowd, he had always been sensitive in secret. Being bullied in childhood could certainly do that to a person.

You were the only one he trusted to see his insecurities, and would always shower him with love and affection in private, reassuring him that yes, he was still your sweet and handsome König, and yes, of course you still loved him — that guy that got a laugh out of you was only one out of pity, as he gave you the ick anyways.

One afternoon while you two were eating dinner, König had out of the blue been the one to suggest the idea of a pet; a strong, big, intimidating dog that would protect you while he himself couldn't.

In all actuality, he had been thinking this over since the day you two started dating.

After all, as much as he'd had liked to clone himself and have one part of him fighting when duty called while the other part stayed with you to protect you at home, obviously that wasn't achievable. That afternoon seemed most appropriate to bring it up, as he was assigned for a mission in two weeks' time and was already worried sick over you despite still yet to be around you at all times for twelve more days.

You laughed, surprised by his sudden suggestion. In a way, you had already had a guard dog all along, you told him, yet König shook his head vehemently, insistent. "Nein! Was ist, wenn du verletzt bist? What if you get hurt while I am away? I won't allow it!"

Shaking your head in defeat as an amused smile was tugging at your lips, you couldn't really blame your boyfriend for being so paranoid. In a sense, he was justified in thinking so, and you couldn't fault him, him being a soldier — a Colonel — and all.

König himself came to the conclusion that you should have a German-Shepherd — "A big, strong, and intelligent dog" — smiling proudly as he said so. Laughing at his need to prove himself to you and his evident enthusiasm that proved he was deadly serious, you shook your head again with a sincere smile on your face and gave his forehead a kiss. Really, his concern over you was endearing, and you loved him so much.

On the day before the mission of his, he surprised you by leading in a fully-grown German Shepherd into your shared home as he carried a large dufflebag over his shoulder. Although you had wanted to have a puppy, König insisted a trained canine used in the police force and military operations would keep you safe, and he was firm, not budging even when you mustered the best puppy-dog eyes you could. He knew best, and he needed to relieve the anxiety that plagued him when you weren't around immediately. Finally having use for the connections he had made in his position, he was able to bring home on of Kortac's own German-Shepherds.

Standing with a self-assured manner, the dog didn't hesistate in showering you with love once the lead came off, lapping and licking at your face in excitement at seeing his new owner's face.

You laughed out loud when you saw a tactical dog collar around his neck, the same khaki colour that matched König's cargo pants. Another piece of König to remind you of him.

Still standing, König watched with his arms crossed and a huge smile across his face as he saw how happy you were. He was beginning to breathe easy with the knowledge that nothing would come to harm you while he was away.

Tongue out while panting, the dog waited expectantly under you for an order.

You looked up at König, eyes sparkling in child-like excitement. "Can he do tricks?"

Smiling, König's eyes crinkled in his love for you. "Schatz, it can do more than just tricks. It can protect you. And it will."

You looked down at the giant yet sweet dog, and raised your voice slightly.

"Sit." He did so without hesitation.

"Handshake," you prompted, and he offered his paw to you obediently.

"Stay..." you began, a finger in front of his snout, "stay..."

"Good boy!" you squealed, and fed him a dog treat from the one of the XXL bags König had bought for the occasion, along with a mountain of dog toys, and even a bed.

"What are clever boy you are, aren't you? Yes you are! You are!"

König crouched, and pet the top of the dog's head a couple of times, his eyes on you. "What do you want to call it, meine Liebe?"

Pausing, all at once it occured to you. With joyful satisfaction, you exclaimed: "Prince!" You giggled, barely able to contain your happiness. "Our Prince to my sweet, handsome King," you cooed, not failing to notice the way König looked away, his cheeks under the eye holes of his hood reddening at your comment.

While away from you for weeks, even months at a time, he could rest easier knowing that you weren't all alone at home. Although he still worried for you excessively, biting his nails when in his room as he thought over how you could be doing and what you were doing at any given time, at least he wouldn't toss and turn at night thinking over what could happen to you. He'd smile in satisfaction, pleased that his presence would still linger even when he wasn't physically there, finding comfort in the fact that a part of him still remained with you when he was hundreds of miles away.

You, on the other hand, were so happy! Obviously you were overwhelmed with the responsibility — quite frankly, you had never had a dog before, much less one this big — so you struggled to take care of it in the beginning. Knowing what food to feed it, how to keep it entertained, going so often outside you'd flop on a chair in exhaustion was physically and mentally demanding, as you wanted your canine companion to love you unconditionally and not be a bad owner to it at all.

However, it all quickly became routine to you: walking your guard dog as his ears were perked up in alertness, head darting around from side to side; playing with it in the park, and spoiling it with treats when you'd get home; and grooming his soft, dark fur and taking him to vet checkups almost made you wonder how you had managed to live this long without ever owning a pet.

Whenever you'd make yourself some food, you filled his bowl with dog food too. Whenever you had just stepped out of the shower, it would be your dog's turn to be cleaned in the bathtub. Whenever you would lazily lay on the sofa or sprawl yourself on the bed, your dog was cuddled up to you.

It was all fun and games, though, until he'd damn near suffocate you with his sheer mass and make you sneeze from the fur that tickled your nostrils, but you slowly grew used to it, using your German Shepherd as a weighted blanket and hugging it like it was your own child.

Somehow, this furry friend filled a void that König would leave behind, and you practically were both attached by the hip — well, by the ankle and hind leg, actually, but that's beside the point. You two were inseparable, and if König knew that then he'd be surely overjoyed.

When König finally had some precious minutes to himself, the first thing he'd do was call you, wanting to hear your voice and make sure you were alright. He'd nearly trip over his own two feet as he scrambled for his phone to dial your number, nearly knocking over a lamp and falling over some furniture in the process.

You'd pick up on the second ring and would nearly go deaf upon hearing the loud accented voice on the receiver. "Liebling! How are you, my sweet? I have been missing you!"

You two would exchange these sorts of questions and proclamations of love back and forth, so lovey-dovey that some of the more daring operators in König's faction made gagging noises on the other side of the door, while the more serious operators scolded them and reminded them that they were yet to feel the touch of another man/woman.

As König would listen to your ramblings about how happy you were and your lovely German Shepard, however, his ears perked up and he listened more closely.

"Prince is so lovely! He's my sweet baby and I love him so so so much! He's definitely my best friend right now, 100%. Everyone back home is getting pissy with me when I don't answer their calls because I spend more time with him than I do with them but can you really blame me when I have this beautiful prince? I mean, he's so sweet! Whenever I don't wake up at the same time in the morning he's jumping into bed and licking my face and oh my God I cannot cope with this cuteness! He's such a good boy! The very best boy! The best boy of all the boys!"

Meanwhile, König stood there, his mouth agape.

...What did you mean he was your sweet baby? Your beautiful prince? Your good boy?

Why would you call him the — not the best, but the very best — boy, the best of all boys? You couldn't have been serious.

It was just a dog. Why were you so attached to it?

It wasn't like König didn't grasp the concept of strong bonds between humans and animals — in fact, he had always been a strong believer of the "dogs being a man's best friend" common knowledge — but... this? You were coddling the thing, for God's sake! It was supposed to be fierce and threatening, not cute and cuddly. How was it supposed to protect you when all you'd do was hug it and give it compliments?

He felt his jaws tighten when you panned the camera down to show the dog peacefully laying beside you on the bed, you stroking his ears. On. The. Bed. On his and your bed. The bed the two of you would sleep on.

König couldn't believe this; he, a grown man, a disciplined soldier that moved up the ranks to be a Colonel, a 6'10 brutal killing machine who l... wanted you to be calling him those things, wanted you to run your fingers through his hair like that. Not some mutt. You were giving it star treatment and pampering it way too much than you should have.

He laughed at himself for thinking so irrationally and for being so immature. I mean, it was a dog. There was no competition to be won, nothing to prove — his rational thought repeated to him that you still loved him regardless — yet the ultimate prize would be you and your attention.

He chuckled disingenuously as you rambled on about something, and the smile under his hood didn't quite reach his eyes.

When he finally returned after grueling months away from you, those pale blue eyes still crinkled up in happiness whenever they saw you, still picked you up and spun you in the air as you'd shriek like a banshee while your legs kicked freely, still gave you a loving kiss on your lips before showering your face with wet kisses. He'd pull away, a boyish grin on his face, his face flushed, your eyes locked with his in an intimate moment...

...And then his mood would sour as your dog leaped up towards you, not wanting to be left out in the reunion.

You'd fail to notice his hands clenched into fists as your dog took the oh so comfortable spot on your lap, where he should have been laying, how below his mask a scowl was aimed at the dog you'd shower with kisses that should have been for him, how the dog would slobber your face and leave it dripping in drool, almost as if it was proving some point to him and being totally smug about it.

Of course, he didn't seem the least bit bothered to you — he wouldn't let his behaviour show. This was utter childishness, completely ridiculous, and absolutely absurd, yet somehow König couldn't control the jealousy that would stew inside of him hours after you'd fall asleep, glaring at the dog laying in between you when all he had wanted all day was to cuddle up to you and hold you close.

Somehow, his plan to keep you safe backfired, because the dog took his job as your body guard too seriously and would not let him be affectionate with you. He was beginning to despise the creature.

When you'd be walking the dog together and shower it with praise, König's hands clenched into tight fists. When you'd stroke the dog's head gently, running your fingers through his thick fur as his front paws were tucked neatly underneath him, König's nails dug into his biceps as he kept his arms firmly crossed, hating what he was seeing through his peripheral vision. When you'd glance at him as your dog was nestled between your legs, he'd turn his head, hiding the furrowed eyebrows and the clear pout on his face of an annoyed child, behaving like an annoyed child.

• In conclusion: give your König a hug. :( A kiss right on the lips and tell him that he's your sweet baby! Your beautiful prince! Your good boy! Your favourite person in the entire world and the best of the best!

• Reserve that precious spot on your lap *just* for him, and allow him to be putty in your hands!

• Run your fingers through his hair just like you would with your dog, and scratch that sensitive spot on his scalp with your fingernails!

• Don't make him regret ever getting the dog for you :'( As time goes on, it will eventually become the "father that didn't want the pet is now best friends with it and the pet is most affectionate with him" kind of dynamic.

• Just because muscular men and army-hardened soldiers like König were disciplined to be stoic and strong, sometimes they want nothing more than affection and words of affirmation from their lover from time to time. <3

So, you'd now lounge on the couch, content with your two guard dogs on either side of you; your Prince laying to your right, and your King in between your thighs, stroking the top of his head as his chest rose and fell at a steady rhythm.

...

Note: Gonna kms 🤡🔫 i have ro to go back to school tmr fucjing WHY i hate everyoje there 😭So yeah less frequent updates sorry guys 💔💔still going to be writing my long-ass fanfictions but itll take more time and ill probs have like 10 mentsl breakfowns daily 🤪 literallt cannot wait 🥰

My writing process is so incomprehensible tho 😭i jump from the first fic im writing to the second one im writing WAYY too often 🗿but ig its good because in a way im not TECHNICALLY procrastinating and beinf productive with 2 projects at once,, tho idk i guess tbats just a major cope if im beinf honest🤷🏼‍♀️

THANKS FOR 1000+ LIKES AND NEARLY 80 FOLLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💕💕💕💕 LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF U AND WISH YOU NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS IN LIFE 🥹🥹🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[creativepromptsforwriting]

How to choose a first name

do not repost

First names often stick with someone for their whole life, even though it's becoming more popular to change their first name to reflect their own personality. A name chosen before someone can even develop a personality/is born can lead to names that don't fit a person that well. In fiction, you already know a character's whole personality and can name them accordingly.

First names can be more experimental, since they are freely chosen by the name givers, not like the last names.

Origin

A first name can indicate where a character or more importantly their parents come from. Every country (and each region inside a country) has often used names and therefore names that people would associate with that country and wouldn't think twice if someone from there was named like that.

This does not mean that the name has to be originally from that country. Depending on the country and their population there will be influences from other languages over the years that make names completely normal in a country whose language does not fit that name. It may just be pronounced a bit different.

(Ex. Jacqueline was a very popular name in the 90s in Germany, despite it being hard to spell for German kids, and sounding nothing like German, while at the same time it's pronounced very different from the French or English version to still fit somewhat into the German language)

How to find good names for a specific cultural background

I do not recommend generators. They are fun, but most that I tried for German names gave reasonable last names, but very archaic first names or names that kind of looked German, but did not actually exist. Same with baby name sites. Some of these names don't make any kind of sense.

Better solution: find the Top 100 baby name lists for that specific country, it's more accurate of what is a common name there (but find the ones from the years around where your character is born. Not the most recent ones!)

Living with their first name

Decide if your character is happy with their first name and how they use it. Do they think it fits them? Do they get bullied or do they get put into a box because of it? Do they want to change it or do they only go by their nickname? Does it fit their last name? Who calls them by their first name?

An unfitting name

Here are some examples for why a name might not fit a character that well or why it could be surprising to be named how they are. This can be fun to explore in a story and give some insight into their parents' thought process and motives.

Parents that want their child to assimiliate easier to a new country by giving that child a normal name for that country, but that doesn't fit with their own cutural origin

Parents that want their child to succeed in life by giving them a name that they think is a royal or upper-class name, or a name fit for a celebrity, therefore choosing names that are not common in their own surroundings

The parents subscribe to a lifestyle that fits the name (a very old-fashioned one, or one that seems more free-spirited), even though the nameholder may not fit into that lifestyle

More: How to use nicknames | List of Names

Coming soon: a guide on how to name your characters in general and how to choose a last name specifically

If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee! And check out my Instagram! 🥰

[the-froschamethyst4]

Baby Brains pt2

𖤐Pairing: Husband! König x Wife! Reader

𖤐Pronouns: She/Her

𖤐Pt1: the-baby-brains

𖤐Warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, worrying parents, wholesome, language, married couple, high school, some bullying, badly translated German, a child genius,

𖤐Summary: After the phone call about Heidi being able to come to the high school, Y/n starts to get a little worried that her daughter might get bullied by the older kids

————

————

"Heidi, baby, do you have everything?" Y/n asked, bending down to her daughter and fixing her daughter's shirt.

"Meine liebe (my love) leave our baby girl alone, she's in high school, now," König tells her.

"Oh hush, König, you'd be worried too."

"Mama, I need to go in," Heidi says, she starts walking into the big school, the older kids looked at Heidi and immediately started to talk about her, laughing and pointing at her.

"King...I'm worried."

"I know, liebe (love) I am too, I'm worried about our little girl," he holds Y/n's arms puling her closer to his side.

Heidi walked to the office and had gotten her schedule from the lady sitting down behind the counter.

"You must be Heidi King, the rumors were true, we have a child genius in the building," she slightly giggles at her.

"Where is the science lab?" Heidi asked the lady.

"Down the hall, pass the computer lab and it's the first door on your left," she smiles down at Heidi. Heidi walks out of the office tries to follow the ladies directions.

She saw the computer lab and found the science lab with no problem, she sees the older kids all laugh and joke around before class started. She goes to the front desk placing her backpack on the desk and grabbing a notebook from her bag.

Heidi opened the book to the first empty page and started to write the date.

"Hey is that a child?"

"Why is there a child in here?"

"Who knows?"

"Go introduce yourself to her, Maddie."

"Heidi?" She looks up and saw the teacher.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Oh good, good morning, I'm Mrs.Vasel, your homeroom teacher." She slides a paper towards Heidi letting her look at it. "This is the first assignment, sorry to drop it on you immediately." She smiles.

"It's okay," Heidi says.

-------

Y/n was biting her thumbnail worried like a mother should be. König looked at his wife sitting in the passenger seat.

"Liebe (love) she will be okay, and if not, I'm not scared to fight some teenagers," König says.

"But I don't want my husband to go to jail," Y/n says, placing her hand on his chin.

"She'll be just fine," he says, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles.

-------

Heidi held her pencil in her hand and was filling out every answer, she didn't know what she was doing but from the looks of it, she was getting every answer right.

The kid next to her would look at her paper every so often to see what she put she got 4 for one answer, he got 50, was he wrong or was she right?

Heidi flipped her paper and worked on the back which was a word problem, she hated them, everyone hated them. But she does it anyways and gives it her all.

Heidi jumps off her stool and heads to Mrs.Vasel's desk. She placed her paper on the desk.

"I'm done," she says.

"Alright, I'll grade it once everyone else is done," Heidi heads back to her desk and pulls out her schedule along with the map of the school on where her classes will be, she even grabbed a book of hers she's been reading.

Some students behind Heidi were laughing and giggling, where they laughing at her?

Heidi slowly looked over her shoulder and saw a group of girls laughing and looking at Heidi. She quickly turns her head.

"Girls, no talking," Mrs.Vasel says.

Heidi opens her book and reads her page she was left off.

--------

The first class was done. Heidi grabbed her backpack putting it on her shoulders and walked to the door, she looks out and saw how the hallways was flooded with older kids and the hallway was crowded.

Heidi stepped out and looked at her map and schedule, she needed to get to math class now.

She goes to a hallway and saw the amount of kids that looked at her. They were told by rumors of a child coming into the high school but they didn't think the rumor was true till they saw Heidi coming into the hallway.

Heidi tried to ignore the older kids, but she needed help to look for Mr.Muller's class. She walks to a group of girls, who were laughing not at her but at some photo on their phone.

"Entschuldigen Sie, bitte (excuse me) can you show me to Mr.Muller's class?" Heidi asked.

"Oh yes, he is down the hall, room 52, last door on the right," she moves Heidi to the center of the hallway and showed her with her hands on where to go.

Heidi looks up at the older girl. "Danke (Thank you)."

Heidi takes off down the hall, she looks around the hall seeing older kids look at her and she looks to her right seeing Mr.Muller's name on his door.

She walks in and was greeted with a male teacher looking down at her and slightly chuckling.

"Wow, I do have a child in my class," he chuckles.

"Are you Mr.Muller?"

"I am, go find a seat," he says, walking passed Heidi and she saw some students had already picked their seats.

She walks to the second row and picks a seat.

"Alright, take your seats all of you," he was shutting the door and one more student pushed by the door and quickly found a seat.

"I should write you up Mr.Kitzler."

"I wasn't late," the older kid laughs as the class did too. Heidi just shakes her head.

"Anyways, we have a child in my class," everyone looked at Heidi. "Care to come up here and tell us about you, Ms.King."

Heidi stood up fixing her skirt and heading to the front of the class, she hated public speaking, she was better at writing answers and problems.

"I'm...Heidi King...I am 6 years old-"

"6 years old?" A student sounded shocked.

"Oh shit we do have a child," the kid who was late laughed.

"She's a child prodigy, I'd be careful if I was you, Kitzler."

"Mr.Muller come on, you are going to let a child run the class?"

"Maybe," he tilts his head. "Go have a seat, Heidi," Mr.Muller says.

--------

Mr.Muller was going over a new lesson for Heidi to be able to catch up. Heidi was taking notes and everyone around her just seemed bored out of their mind listening to Mr.Muller.

"Heidi, answer please."

"Umm~ 500."

"How'd you get it?" Heidi then started going over how she got the answer. "Correct...did you get it Mr.Kitzler?"

"Hell no," he laughs.

--------

Heidi didn't know if she liked High school. The kids were just not use to seeing a child in the high school.

Heidi was going to lunch now. She had her pink Disney Princess lunchbox, she didn't know where to sit, she looks around seeing everyone eat with their friends.

Heidi played with the handle of her lunchbox as she walks around, she opened the door that led outside and saw some of the older kids eating outside on black metal tables.

"Oh, hey!" Heidi looks up and saw it was the girl from the hallway that helped her look for Mr.Muller's class.

"Hi," Heidi walks to her.

"Sit with us, we have plenty of room," she moves over to let Heidi sit with her and her friends.

"What's your name?" She asked, Heidi.

"Heidi."

"Wow."

"How old are you?"

"Six."

"SIX YEARS OLD!!" Almost the entry table shouted.

"WOW!"

"Well, I'm Emma, these are my friends, Alice, Hannah, Anna, Mia and Elke."

"Nice to meet you all," Heidi says.

"How'd a kid like you get so lucky?" Alice asked.

"My mama says it was because of the school looking at my testing score and I reached the highest grade within the elementary, and wanted me to come into the high school," Heidi says, opening her lunchbox and grabbing her juice box.

"Gosh, I remember those juice boxes," Hannah laughs.

"Childhood," Emma coos and the table giggle.

"My mama buys them because of me liking them." Heidi says.

the table were fond of Heidi, wanting to hear about the elementary school, wanting to hear about her relationship with her parents.

"My mama and I go shopping every Saturday, my papa and I will sometimes go out to eat almost every Friday. My papa was a operator in the Military-"

"Operator? He was a sniper?" A boy overheard Heidi talking.

"I think so?" Heidi didn't know what a sniper was. She just thought her daddy was cool.

--------

School was letting out, Heidi walks out of the school looking around does she take a bus or does she look for her papa's truck? She looks around in the car rider line and didn't see his truck.

"Bohne (bean)." Heidi turned hearing her nickname that her daddy calls her.

She saw König standing just behind her, hand out wanting her to take it. She runs to him taking his hand.

"Papa!!" She yells, he picks her up instead and placed her on his hip.

"How was school?"

"Good. I made some friends."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she smiles as König walked to her truck opening his back door and placing her into her car seat just behind the passenger seat.

-------

König opened the front door and Heidi runs in.

"MAMA!!" She yells running towards the couch and jumping on her mom.

"Oh my baby, how was school?" Y/n asked.

"Good."

"She made some new friends," König said, kicking his shoes off.

"Well, that's good," Y/n says, cupping her daughters face and kissing her forehead. "I'm going to start dinner soon, what would you like, Heidi?"

"Chicken schnitzel," she says.

"I can do that," Y/n says.

------

Heidi was doing her homework. König sat next to her just in case she needed help. He was very impressed on how she was getting every answer right, how she never bothered him for help, he was just impressed with his daughter.

Y/n cleaned the dishes and König got off the stool and helped Y/n with the dishes.

"Mama, why did you think I would be okay to go into high school?" Heidi asked.

"Because baby, I knew you could do it, high school may be hard but I know you could do it baby. I did get really nervous but I calmed myself down-"

"You mean, I called you down," König said.

"Whatever, but I know you could do it, and you are a genius baby," Y/n says, turning to her daughter.

"Thank you for believing in me, mama."

"Of course baby," Y/n walked to her daughter, kissing her forehead again.

[violetlichen]

dol surnames

I've spent the past two years since I first discovered DOL painstakingly considering the surnames of the love interests and Bailey. I'm finally satisfied with what I've come up with and wanted to share:

John Avery

Now this one is not a surname. Avery is always male in my game. In my (currently on indefinite hiatus) fic Immaculance I wanted Avery to seem very imposing by being referred to as a name that's not really his name, a la Mr. Big from Sex and the City, so I decided he commonly goes by his surname. John is basic enough, one syllable and chic yet traditionally masculine sounding. Sounds good paired with Avery, rolls off the tongue nicely.

Alex Greene

This one is a little on the nose. Alex lives on a farm surrounded by nature, nature = green. But I also like that it feels fresh. Whenever I romance Alex and start staying out at the farm it feels like a fresh start for my PC, like they're starting over together. I can picture their mailbox out by the road with The Greene's written on it... I might've also been inspired by the Greene family farm from the Walking Dead 👀 I headcanon that all the farm workers call Alex 'Greeney' as a cute nickname.

Thomas Bailey

Another character that I think goes by their surname. I haven't decided on a feminine name because Bailey is also always male when I play, but I feel like it would be a strong name that could shorten to something masculine, like Wilhelmina or Bernadette being shortened to Wil / Bernie. Something long that feels a little stuffy, that fem Bailey would hate being called. Not necessarily because it's too girly but because it's a mouthful and Bailey doesn't have time to say all that. For male, I like Thomas because it's classic and gives me Victorian era vibes and even though the game has a modern setting PC is still an orphan and I want to pretend it's the 1800s.

Eden O'Connor

Still kind of up in the air about Eden, but I've settled on this for now. I just like how it sounds.

Kylar Fritz

Kylar was the hardest one to come up with. I was really set on it starting with a funky letter like G or F, and not being super common. I wanted it to feel a little strange when you say it. They could easily be bullied with this name. Fritz rhymes with pits. And everyone thinks Kylar stinks, so there you go.

Robin Davies

I feel like Davies is a quintessential English surname? Don't come at me, I'm American. I don't really have much to say for this one other than it just sounds pretty to me. Very boy/girl next door.

Sydney Spiegelman

Really, really had my heart set on this for some reason. It came to me straight away. According to House of Names, it's derived from the German word "spiegel" which means mirror, and also the Yiddish word "shpigl" which means to look or to see. I thought this was really fitting for Sydney who seems to be a conduit for the Ivory Wraith.

Whitney Clarke

Came up with this for my fic. Again, I just like it. I've posted about this before but I headcanon that their parents names are Robert and Elizabeth, and that male Whitney's middle name is Robert, and that he hates it. Fem Whitney also really hates her middle name - whatever it is - and never tells anyone what it is.

Let me know what your thoughts are, or comment if you have any name ideas yourself!

[allaboutnayeli]

the biggest bully ever ( selma bacha x reader )

prompt: your girlfriend is probably the biggest bully in your life (lovingly)

author notes: i wrote this just because i saw a video of selma jumping up and kicking someone in the face. i just know she is like a bad ass little kid. (also i love her so..)

selma prides herself on being your biggest supporter. always finding some time in her schedule to come see your games with paris saint german. proudly wearing your jersey while yelling as loud as she can in the stands and of course making sure to take a few pictures for the gram after the game is done. posting with a cheeky caption of, just met my favorite player ever! what a legend. however, you know first hand that this is just a cover up for how much of bully she really is.

in the privacy of your apartment or hers, she is the complete opposite. especially when you two are playing a game together even if it isn't a competitive game. making it even more laughable.

it was a nice sunday evening when you forced (selma knows she loves playing the game. she just won't admit it) your girlfriend to play minecraft with you. now if she thought you were going to be fighting zombies, creepers, and spiders. well she would be totally wrong. that would her job while you spend your minecraft time building a nice farm and house for the two of you to stay in.

"it's domestic! i'm like your little pixel housewife" you say as you continue to focus on working on the garden you were building. selma smacks her lips, "it's not domestic. just unfair! i don't wanna be the only one fighting off these dudes."

on her screen, selma was actively battling off a creeper. almost throwing her controller in frustration as the creeper blows up and creates another hole in the ground. she pushes you slightly, but just enough that you put down a block you weren't going to. "stop being childish and go kill some cows for me, dumbie" you say as you delete the block. giving selma a quick sight of you sticking out your tongue before going back to finishing up the veggies part of the garden. your girlfriend rolls her eyes, going back to fighting off a zombie to reach a few cows in the field behind it.

instead of getting some cow meat like you asked, selma runs away from the zombie. bringing it and other mobs along to you two's house. she smirks in revenge as she brings the mobs straight to you. you shout in surprise as the mobs surround you. "babe, help me! why would you.." you say as you try to fight them off. giving selma a nice punch on the shoulder once you were finally succumbed to the mobs and died. "that's what i said earlier, but you didn't come to help your absolutely amazing girlfriend, so you had to die" selma shrugs. acting nonchalant until the mob of mobs started to surround her. she manages to kill off a few, but end up dead just like you.

you laugh loudly as you push her shoulder using yours. she glares at you, frowning. "i'm totally killing you myself next time. less effort" selma says before standing up and heading to the kitchen for something to calm her frustration. you still got the last laugh though.

the french player can also be the biggest bully when it came to your games. whether you win or lose, she is always there to make a few snarky comments about your defense or how you let the ball pass you too many times. it was even worse if you two went against eachother.

it was one of the biggest games of the year for the division 1 league; paris saint germain vs lyon. your girlfriend and you were set to both play this match. the playful banter between you two the day before the game fueled the competitive spirit in you. selma was always competitive and ready to do whatever she needed to make sure lyon scored a win.

"ready to lose, babe?" selma says as she stands next to you in the tunnel. you roll your eyes before shrugging, "we'll see." the sound of the crowd ramps up you two's competitiveness as the two teams walk out onto the pitch.

the game goes off well for paris saint germain at first. with ramona scoring a goal for your team. however, despite your team's great defense, lyon was still able to score three goals. the game ends in disappointment with a lost of three to one. you groan out in frustration as you look at your teammates. the lost was a bit of sting just because paris saint germain needed the win, but also because you knew selma would never let you live this down.

after the game and lyon's celebration finally dying down, selma finally texts you; told you that I was gonna win. the text makes you roll your eyes. you message back, shut your mouth for two seconds please.

you two text back and forth. with alot of bragging from selma and tons of insults from you. eventually selma does stop her bragging, messaging you, but truly don't worry bae. you did well I swear. the message makes you smile as you lean your head against the bus window. thank you, baby. congrats on the win even if ... undeserved. after sending that text you shut your phone off and let the tiredness from the match catch up to you. letting yourself slowly fall asleep. knowing good and well your phone will be full of selma going back to being a bully.

[type1lemonade]

May I have thy opinion on the old man quartet? (Byron/Mortis/Gray/Chuck)

Married.

Honestly I love the dynamic, I don't care if they're husbands or good pals, these four have my heart‼️‼️

I love them all together or separated. Although I may have a preference over Byron x Mortis (I remember the first time I was in this fandom like 2020-21, these two were my parents) and Gray x Chuck. BUTTT I'd like any combination or them just kissing together lol.

Okay, now I'll give some HCS about this poly-relationship:

-Byron calls all of them "twats"

-Mortis, Gray and Chuck are latin European while Byron stands there with his English-Germanic accent lmao (he's very bullied lmao)

-Chuck and Mortis are the most extroverted in that relationship. (They're so chaotic)

-Meanwhile, Gray and Byron are very calm and quiet. They usually drink tea together.

-They all have rings with a gemstone. (Byron has an emerald, Mortis has an amethyst, Gray has a ruby and Chuck has a yellow zircon)

-I don't care, I know they all smoke. Especially Nobel, Winston or Virginia.

[sroop]

leave it

You didn't really know how to ask a girl out. So you just... did it your own way, I suppose, with your big eyes and open hands. Do you want to shoot deer with me?

Pairing: König x reader

Warnings: very brief, very light mention of past bullying

Summary: at one point in your life, you thought könig would be nothing but a passing character. tonight, you have decided he will be your life partner.

A/N: oops sorry, just a love letter to my fixation at the moment 😟

{}{}{}{}

When I first met you, I thought you were a dog looking for a bone. The kind of lost mongrel that you see padding along a highway, when you're going too fast to care and, by the time you do, too far gone to do anything. I wrote you off as another boy my age, only thinking he was ready for a relationship.

You didn't really know how to ask a girl out. So you just... did it your own way, I suppose, with your big eyes and open hands. Do you want to shoot deer with me?

Not really, actually, but I'd be happy to make us a dinner with what you bring back. Worked out for us anyway I guess. And even though I thought I wanted someone older, more experienced, you were actually so much more than I thought you'd be. Nervous, yes, but kind and so, so attentive. Always at my heels, happy to please.

Now here we are. You, in the dairy aisle of a supermarket I don't know the name of because I haven't quite gotten the hang of German, with your handwritten shopping list that I've scribbled a few items of my own on. You'll notice soon. Not yet, because you're too busy puzzling out the offered discounts. But soon.

Actually, I don't know why you bother with discounts anyway. You have more money than the army has bullets. Maybe that times two. But I don't say anything about it because I remember the first time we really talked, you told me about shopping with your mother.

It still makes me ache a little to imagine you cutting newspapers up for coupons, afraid not of going hungry, but that your mother would look away when you couldn't add up the right numbers. Of getting to the grumpy cashier who called you slow, every time, that you'd gotten the total wrong. I hate to see little you clench your fists, study harder, grow more and more afraid, get it wrong each time.

I know you are still a little afraid every time we go shopping. And it's ok, I won't tell anyone.

What I don't know is why you hang on. Like sometimes, I think you're even a little relieved when you're deployed. Like the time you were deployed just before my birthday, when we'd just started dating.

You, at my door, flowers in hand. All 6 feet something of you that you hunch over to hide. When you told me the news, you'd said sorry, but I knew from that look in your eyes that you wanted nothing more. War and battle you knew. A girlfriend's birthday, though, was foreign territory.

That's ok too. You came back after all, a month later, and asked me if I still wanted you. Yes, König. I still want you. Besides, you're getting better at all that stuff anyway. Getting better at letting go too.

Like yesterday, when you sidled up to me during dinner and asked, like a child with a Christmas wish, if we could celebrate our anniversary somewhere closer to home for you. Austria. In your hometown, which I never thought you'd want to return to. And as it turns out, it can be quite charming if you have a hulking boyfriend following you around clearing obstacles.

I get the sense that you're doing more than clearing my obstacles, be it the language or the money or the transportation. I sense that you're uncovering old wounds. That's why you came back last night, after I'd fallen asleep, tears on your cheeks and shaking cold hands. I don't know where you went or what you did, but I can smell in your stories the morning after that it was something at your old school. That you chose to tell me about those old bullies because you had chosen to summon them again. Fight nightmares awake instead of asleep.

Did I ever tell you that I'm proud of you? That I don't care what oddness you get up to so long as it means you can live, a day in your life, unafraid? That I only watch you count up unnecessary discounts because I know, somewhere in you, you're still trying to make your mother proud?

I put a hand over your shoulder as you make your way down the shopping list. You're finally seeing what emergency supplies I've tacked onto the end.

Your eyes are big and your mouth is open and there's nothing on Earth more excited than you. You pull your features together in a question, pitched and desperately hopeful.

"Das ist wahr? du bist schwanger?"

I play it off coolly, just a chuckle and a shrug. König, I put my hands in my pockets to hide how they shake. How equally desperate I am for that hope, no less dog than you are.

"If we get the tests, we'll know by dinner."

{}{}{}{}

thanks for reading!