#emotionless aro culture

[aro-culture-is]

loveless/emotionless aplaroace culture is not wanting Any type of relationship but finding sexual/platonic/romantic relationships interesting enough to write n read about them

.

[artemx746]

Can somebody write a soulmate or hanahaki au where the concept isn't extremly amatonormative?

Thanks

[aro-sora]

Heartless

This month's Carnival of Aros theme is "Humanity and the Non-Human" and these prompts were particularly resonant with me:

It’s been a fairly well-documented phenomenon that many aromantics tend to feel some sort of connection to some sort of fictional non-human species, whether as specific examples, or as a whole. If you relate, what are your thoughts on these characters and concepts as an aro(-spec)? Do you have any experiences in any subcultures related to non-humanity, such as Voidpunk?

So I thought I'd write something about my personal experiences.

It will come as no surprise to people who follow this blog that I am a heartless aromantic and I'm also a huge Kingdom Hearts fan. (To anyone who isn't familiar with KH, in the games there are beings of darkness called Heartless. There's a lot of designs and some are cooler than others so here are a few of my favorites:)

[ID: Various Heartless from Kingdom Heartles, in order, a Shadow, a Neoshadow, a Soldier, and a Darkling. End ID]

These beings are both literally and very much not literally (it's complicated) heartless. They are manifestations of the darkness in people's hearts and seek to steal more hearts to transform into Heartless.

(something something beings that are recognizably human but also . . . not and yet still have the instinctual desire to reclaim what was taken)

A common stereotype about aromantic people is that we are heartless and unfeeling because we don't experience romantic love. Aromanticism may influence a person's emotions and definitely impacts views on romance, but to say that all aros are cold and emotionless is hurtful and arophobic. But I also genuinely identify with the term "heartless." Not feeling romantic attractions makes me feel alienated from amatonormative society, and "heartless aro" is the best way for me to describe that feeling.

My love of Kingdom Hearts is also a huge influence on that. When I say KH rewired my brain, it's only a half joke. I was 5-6 years old when I first discovered these games and this bizarre Disney/Final Fantasy crossover was a very formative experience. "Heartless" is not just a way to describe my aromanticism, its a defining aspect.

What is it, to be Heartless? To be human, once, but now something . . . other: a being born of darkness. Darkness is a force that is often used for evil, but still KH makes a point of not making it inherently evil. Darkness exists in every heart. It can overwhelm, but it can also be accepted and mastered, like in Riku's case. To choose to become Heartless, in Sora's case, is a defining moment of humanity.

My blog url might be aro-sora (because let's be honest, he's super arospec) but the title, "My Heart Belongs to Me," is quote from Roxas, one of the best examples in KH of someone being denied humanity for supposedly not having a heart, yet being one of the most caring and emotional characters in the series. He's not an actual capital-H Heartless (that's Sora, briefly) but his story and his struggles just . . . resonate with me. "I am me! Nobody else!" I want for people to stop thinking of me as something I am not, as desiring relationships I don't want, or even being a gender I am not.

I don't have much experience with voidpunk culture (but now I want to look into it), but recently I discovered the term otherhearted: "Identifying strongly with something nonhuman and/or fictional, without literally identifying as that thing." (I'm a bit on the fence between being otherhearted and otherkin, but otherheart literally has the word "heart" in it and the KH influence is strong.) It's a very queer experience to want to change your identity and be something other than what people see you as. Sometimes I imagine that for myself—claws of darkness, eyes of burning gold. Darkness cannot exist without light, but neither can light exist without darkness. Nothing can destroy me, because I am the shadow at the very heart of the world.

I guess that would make me Heartless-hearted. An ironic term, I know, but similarly to my personal heartless aro identity I find it absolutely hilarious. So many parts of my identity are "contradictions": being bigender, being human and heartless. It fits with the lore of the Heartless themselves: some technically do possess hearts and some don't. (it's complicated)

I call myself heartless the same way I call myself queer. Bigots will use them as insults and an attempt to make me lesser and other and nonhuman, but to me these are my words. They are mine and I give them power, no one else. Someone thinks I'm "heartless" for not experiencing a certain feeling? Fuck them, I AM heartless. And I am still human because I choose to be, not because humanity is something to be given or taken away. I don't have to prove anything about myself to anyone. I define my own heart, NO ONE ELSE.

And if they still think that being heartless—being aromantic—is something "wrong" or "unnatural" or not human? I only have a warning for them:

Beware the darkness in your heart. The Heartless prey upon it.

[maxe-murderer]

Sorry shippers but patton turned into a frog

Hes aro now

I dont make the rules

[theaceandaroadvocacyproject]

Continuing with intersections, today we are discussing gender and how one’s gender identity or presentation might interact with their orientation! 

[Image Description: Two images with a light green background and black text, and the TAAAP logo in the upper right corner. The first image shows a brown skinned person in a gray shirt with two thought bubbles, one with the woman symbol and the other with the man symbol, and a question mark on their face on the right side of the image. The text reads “Gender. Ace and Aro Masculinity and Femininity. "Normative" gender expressions are also heteroromantic, heterosexual, alloromantic, and allosexual. To engage in and pursue romantic or sexual relationships differently, or not at all, destabilizes traditional gender roles and expressions. Aro and ace people, even if cisgender, may find that their orientation impacts how they relate to gender. Gendered stereotypes* around who is expected to be sexual and romantic can make discovering and embracing ace and aro identities difficult. As an example, men may have a hard time realizing they are aro because men are expected to be emotionless and uninterested in romance in some cultures. *Some of these stereotypes are altered by other intersections such as race and age. For example, African American women are sexualized in ways that white women are not.” The second image shows a drawing of a dark skinned hand holding a transgender flag on the image’s left side. The text reads “Gender. Being trans, non-binary, or gender expansive while aspec. Being transgender/gender expansive and being ace or aro can both cause a desire for different, possibly "odd", gender presentations, and it can be hard to discern what aspect of one's identity is causing what feeling, which can be especially difficult when questioning. Trans+, asexual, and aromantic experiences are all pathologized and disbelieved to various degrees. Some people would rather "blame" one's behavior and desires on past trauma, a hormone imbalance, mental illness, or even cynicism or antisociality, rather than believing that trans and aspec identities are valid ways of being.” End.]

[demiguy-culture-is]

What is a grayaroace??

I guess this came up since it's on my personal info post - I'll gladly give a simple overview

Just to fully break this down for everyone in case someone hasn't ever heard this term/parts of this term..

This is going to be a rather simple info post, so I'll attach a few resources here and there if you want to further explore the various labels.

Aromanticism

Aro, or aromantic, is an umbrella term and as defined by the LGBTA Wiki is "a romantic orientation defined by a lack of romantic attraction"

This does NOT mean that aromantic people or people who exist on the aromantic spectrum are love- or emotionless. They can still feel and experience love in various forms.

People under the aro umbrella, can still be sexually attracted to others.

People who do not exist under the aromantic umbrella are alloromantics

Resources:

@aromantic-official

@aro-culture-is

Asexuality

Ace, or a asexual, as defined by the LGBTA Wiki is "a sexual orientation defined by a lack of sexual attraction"

People under the ace umbrella, can still be romantically attracted to others.

People who do not exist under the asexual umbrella, are called allosexuals

Resources:

@asexual-society

@ace-culture-is

---

Being aromantic and/or asexual is does not need to be a binary thing, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Being either/or can be an experience that exists on a spectrum. There are many sub-labels

E.g. (THIS IS A NON-EXHAUSTIVE LIST)

- Aroace, when you identify with both the aro AND ace labels

- Grayaro, a general term for being on the aromantic spectrum

- Grayace, a general term for being on the asexual spectrum

- Grayaroace, general term for being on the aro AND ace spectrum

- Demiaro, "a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum defined as someone who does not experience romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone"

- Demiace, "a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum defined as someone who does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone "

- Demiaroace, BOTH demiro and demiace

ETC.

---

I hope I've covered the basic info about the labels.

I personally ID as grayaroace (I also use demiaroace, but I like to keep it more vague just because of how much it really fluctuates)

[a-passing-storm]

I’m thinking about aro half-human characters where the non-human culture is supposed to be unfeeling and emotionless, and they’re told that love is a silly human emotion, and they just don’t experience it all. 

I swear this applies to more than just Spock.

[humans4vampires]

Twilight imagine Edward found someone a young female vampire and they where good companions for a while and they have sex a lot and then he breaks up with her for Bella and the Cullens don't like Bella but put up with it for Edward sake the reader goes to Volterra.

Hey @cokecola4211, so sorry your request took so long! I hope it’s worth the wait!

Vow

Rain rolled over your perfect face as you looked up at the cloud-filled sky. It helped you to feel human again; as though you could cry. You had never felt the stinging loss of your tears until today. You blinked needlessly, watching the light disappear and reappear. You could hear everything, though in this moment you heard nothing. Your world stopped suddenly when he had walked away. 

Had he left only seconds ago or was it hours now? You had been frozen in the forest, face turned up to the wet air, for what was beginning to feel like an eternity. And you had eternity, certainly, if you wanted to stay there. Perhaps you’d become a part of the forest, a statue seemingly lost, forgotten as you were. Would nature reclaim you? Moss over your toes, your legs…

Would he come to find you?

You had once believed Edward could find you anywhere. He knew you better than anyone ever had, and you knew it was beyond his gifts. His soul matched yours. 

It was a new pain, an intense loss, to watch him go.

“Love,” he murmured, his expression grave. 

You reached for him, “Edward?” Your voice trembled. 

He stayed frozen, rejecting your extended hand. “(Y/n), please forgive me.”

You felt a jolt of fear rush through you; the long-forgotten emotion crippled you. “Edward,” you begged. 

He reached out and cupped your face in his hands, tilting your face up to his. His embrace comforted and terrified you. 

“It’s Bella,” he said softly, sadly. “I’ve fallen in love with Bella.”

Edward spoke her name as he had always spoken yours; as if a vow. You had no words to argue with, no ounce of hate for the plain brunette you’d seen in passing. Your immortal mind balanced thousands of thoughts as you struggled to understand. Your eyes bore into the depths of his, gold to gold. You knew you couldn’t sleep, but it felt oddly like a dream. 

He heard every passing thought, of course, each one mirrored in his expression. He was hurting, pained to have hurt you. It made it all the harder on both of you to know how desperately you both wished it not to be true. 

“(Y/n),” he spoke your name in a new, unfamiliar way, that left you shattered. 

He bent down slowly, as if to savor the moment, as he brushed his lips gently against yours. Your eyes fluttered closed and your voice caught in your throat as if his hand was wrapped around it. And silently, he left and you remained. 

You stood in the rain in the forest in the rough of the Olympic National Forest cataloging your history together as if to hold onto it a moment longer. 

Edward was your everything. You had traveled the world together, learning languages and cultures, indulging your greatest whims and fantasies, and planned on having centuries more. You had thought you were his everything, too. Without that, were you nothing?

Something quick was approaching you then and your natural instincts poised you mentally, though your body stayed in place. You recognized the footfall easily. 

You knew her black hair was drenched, weighed down by the thick rain. She knew exactly where to find you, though you hadn’t thought of that. You hadn’t thought of anyone but Edward. 

Alice didn’t speak, nor did you. You both soaked in the gravity of your lost future.

After time had passed, she approached you slowly and reached up to wrap her arms around your neck. “(Y/n),” Alice whispered. 

You questioned if she was still your sister; were you still a part of your family? It hadn’t occurred to you before, but the weight of your loss increased as you pondered it. Had you lost your family, too?

Alice pulled back and you finally moved to look down at her. The anguish in her expression flooded with curiosity. She knew you wouldn’t speak your questions aloud, and so the mystery behind your unspoken words burned in her mind. Her eyes glazed over, looking into the unknown for answers. 

Your voice rang clearly, perfectly, like a bell, though you felt as though it should be hoarse. “I’ve lost him, Alice,” you said.

Alice shook her head solemnly, “Not lost,” she replied.

“Why did you come here?” You questioned. 

Alice placed her hands on one of yours, cupping it gently. “I wanted you to know you were not alone.”

You looked at her with disbelief. “What did you see, Alice?”

“You are a part of this family, (Y/n),” she replied. “You should come home.”

“Do the others know?”

Alice nodded slowly, humanly. “They’re hoping you’ll return with me…” her voice trailed, as if she knew it best to keep the rest to herself.

You understood. “You hope I’ll find it in my heart to forgive Edward,” you said, plainly. The sting of his name scorched your lips.

“Esme, mostly,” Alice retorted. “Rosalie and Jasper would understand if you didn’t. In fact, they hope you don’t. But we all want you home with us, (Y/n)”

You knew you could never go home. Your home was gone. It had been an illusion ripped from you; your home had always been Edward. How would you watch him as he loved Bella how he had once loved you?

You winced.

As if you had never made the decision, as if it had happened without a catalyst, your feet were flying and you were rushing through the trees into the depths of the woods. You heard Alice behind you, calling your name, trying to catch you, but you had always been quick; only Edward had been able to match your speed. 

There was nothing left inside you but the desire to flee. Immortality was inescapable, with one exception, and you were suddenly rushing toward it. You were in the Pacific in a matter of minutes and Alice was hopelessly falling behind. You doubted she’d follow you into the water, though you knew your sister’s love for you was strong. You swam quickly, without pause, hoping to get as much distance as possible. 

By the time you reached land on the coast of Russia, you knew your family would be coming for you. You didn’t waste any time, though you made sure to change your route at random, leaving no clear path for you to be followed. Alice knew your destination, but you knew your family would try stop you before you could reach Volterra. Only briefly did you wonder if you were running from a ghost; what if no one was chasing you after all? 

You boxed the thought away and kept moving, cherishing the years you’d had with Edward, hoping to box them too, as if to keep them with you even in death. You’d had so many moments shared over so many years, but you were clinging to all the ‘lasts.’

The last time you swam together, in the Bering Sea off the coast of St. Matthew Island when you had wanted to feel like the only two left on Earth. The last time you shared a longing gaze, thoughts passing without exchanging words across Carlisle’s library, your eyes meeting over thick volumes in the dim light. The last time you hunted together, through the Rockies in the summer, trailing through Alberta, Montana, and Wyoming before returning home to boast to Emmett the game you had conquered. The last time you danced together, under the bright moonlight in an open clearing as Edward hummed gently in your ear the favorite of the songs he’d composed for you. And when you had run through all of the ‘lasts,' you were faced with the last time you’d been together.

This night, like so many others, you had been listening to albums and resting in each other’s arms on the floor of your bedroom. The music blared loudly, but you carried conversation without any difficulty; when you were together, the rest of the world fell away. Like so many nights before, the simple connection of your skin wasn’t enough, and you and Edward spent hours pleasing each other. 

“Edward,” you moaned, clutching the rug under your hands. You and Edward never saw the need for a bed. You’d destroyed them when you’d tried them and you were both more comfortable exploring each other outside of the family home; unless the rare occasion presented itself.

“Don’t rip it,” Edward scolded, reaching for your hands. He grabbed them both at your wrists, placing them above your head in a single grip of his. “Esme won’t take kindly to you destroying another priceless heirloom.”

Your breathing was ragged, despite the lack of need for it. “I think ‘heirloom’ implies some sort of movement throughout generations,” you teased. 

Edward shrugged, chuckling lightly. His grinning lips glistened with your wetness as he shocked you with his perfect, crooked smile. He moved to hover over you, tousling his messy bronze hair as he lingered his lips over yours. 

“I would not take kindly to you destroying it,” he said gently. “You see, I have my fair share of sentiment attached to this rug.” He moved his free hand to your cheek, down your neck, your chest, across your naval, and slid his fingers to rest on your hip again, clutching your skin. Your body arched into his in anticipation. 

“I see,” you agreed, breathlessly. 

His golden eyes burned brightly, as he vowed your name as he always did. “I love you, (Y/n).”

You were at the steps of the clock tower of Volterra before another day had passed. The square was empty, which was to be expected for the time of night. You were anticipating that and had made sure to commit your crimes before you had arrived. You knew Aro would not want to offend Carlisle by needlessly killing a member of his coven, and yet more importantly, not want to deter Edward or Alice from any future in the Guard. You were ungifted and nothing more than a normal vampire, and so you knew Aro would have no qualms about your death, personally. 

You were greeted by Felix and Demetri, the blood of your kill still fresh on your lips. You were emotionless as you swept through a small village on the outskirts of Romania. You didn’t even enjoy the taste of human blood as you quickly dragged your victims from their beds and executed them. You were controlled enough to spare the children any witness to your crimes, which you had hoped would save them from the Volturi since your spree would result in a visit from the Guard before morning. 

You confessed your crime simply, coldly, to Felix and Demetri who quickly ushered you inside. You ignored their questions as you made your way to Aro, Caius, and Marcus for sentencing. You hummed along to your memories of Edward, walking almost blindly to your death. 

Aro greeted you quickly, taking your hand without an invitation. You didn’t bother to listen to their deliberation or their questions, instead you stood still, humming to yourself, your eyes disinterested. Caius detested your indifference; your insolence brought him from his throne.

He moved to stand in front of you, grabbing your throat in his steel grip. You laughed involuntarily and hoped that in death, you’d be able to dream again. 

Caius dragged your body up, his fingers pressing under your jaw as your feet dangled above the smooth, marble floor. You didn’t bother to close your eyes as you let out another gentle trill of laughter. 

Caius hissed in response and as you felt Felix’s hands clutch at your biceps, you hoped that in death, you’d be reborn.

You didn’t understand the tearing of your body as pain. No, it was rather blissful; a sweet release that sounded like stone and metal in harmony. And as the gentle warmth of the fire came close to your cool skin, you heard your Edward speak your name for the very last time.

“(Y/n)!”

Did it sound like a vow?

[just-another-hhazbin]

Alright it is time to risk getting myself cancelled. Today we’re going to be talking about aspd, aka anti-social personality disorder.  I’m making this post because I haven’t seen one that discusses everything I wanna talk about so here we are.

What is anti-social personality disorder?  In the barest essentials, it is an emotional disorder where it is very difficult to empathize with other people and understand their emotions, have high levels of apathy, etc. Sometimes it also correlates with very low impulse control.

In other words, it’s what some of y’all like to call sociopathy and psychopathy.

Let’s get one thing clear first - sociopathy and psychopathy are not actual pscyhology-approved words. ASPD is. However, the media and culture (or at least American culture, which is what I have first-hand experience with) has villianized and exaggerated it into this common trend where every criminal or horror figure HAS to be a sociopath or psychopath. 

Yeah, as one does with mental illnesses. Thanks, Hollywood + Government.

So right off the bat - please I beg of you to stop using psychopath and sociopath to describe someone “crazy” or “evil.” Stop that. (I’m not saying never ever use the word. Some characters are gonna say slurs cause they be like that. But you, personally, should know better. And also stop putting it in your story summaries and character descriptions, goddamn.) 

You are perpetuating a false narrative. It is estimated that 1 in 100 people in America have ASPD. Someone you know probably has it, even if they haven’t been officially diagnosed or even know they have it. If they do know, they’re probably really damn sick of hearing that comparison. 

ASPD is also not an aesthetic, and you know exactly who you are. If you want the edgy serial killer aesthetic I am certainly not going to judge you, but for the love of everything leave aspd out of it.

Someone with ASPD is not emotionless.  That’s another false narrative we can chuck out the window. It is true that they might be quicker to temper or seem somewhat cold or analytical, but those are hardly traits limited to those with ASPD. Some people do have higher levels of apathy and/or narcissis than others, but none of us are robots so cut that generalizing shit out.

As with most things, ASPD is a spectrum with different levels of effect and functionality. Someone who is more affected by ASPD but has been to therapy may have a higher functionality than someone with a milder situation. 

Personal experiences shape individuals, shocking, I know.

Also, just because someone has ASPD does not mean that they cannot form relationships or friendships. It may be difficult to understand empathy but sympathy can often be managed, and it is possible to feel affection and friendship in some form for even the most severe cases. 

It also doesn’t mean that they can or will ever develop empathy. We are viewing the same world but with different lenses, and that is okay. 

We might not see friendships or relationships the same but that doesn’t mean we can’t form attachments or feel a sort of acknowledged possessiveness that is the equivalent for some of us.

That there is a lack of empathy doesn’t make someone a bad person. It is still possible for someone without empathy to look at a bad thing and know it exists and not do it because they have A) their own moral code that may not make sense to the normative lense or B) they have self-preservation and/or a basic understanding of social norms and fucking decency.

“But I know someone who did [x bad thing] and THEY were diagnosed with sociopathy/psychopathy!”

First off, I’d like to see who made that diagnossis, since again, those aren’t considered valid terminology by the majority of the modern psychology world. Secondly, I bet I can fiind at least a hundred to a thousand to a million people who did [x bad thing] and don’t have aspd. Correlation does not equal causation, people.

You don’t have to understand something to still choose to do it. We might not understand why someone would be affected by x action, but we can choose what impact we make. There is no little sociopath/psychopath demon running around in our head laughing maniacally and pressing “evil” buttons. (This is a thing that therapy can help with though, especially for some people. For others it’s more a matter of socialization and exposure and it’s a learning process for everyone, aspd or not.)

I would also like to take a moment here to say that if someone tries to excuse their abusive behavior with “I have aspd/[x mental illness here]” it is just that - an excuse. If they are in a situation where they really cannot control themselves, then it is time to go to therapy or call counseling services and in any case you yourself are in no way indebted to helping them or staying in a dangerous relationship.

Anyway, disclaimer over, moving on.

A lot of this has been discussed around, so here’s onto something I’ve been seeing a lot of recently, especially in fandom and certain LGBTQ+ spaces, and am getting really sick of.

ASEXUALITY, AROMANTICISM, AND ASPD DO NOT HAVE TO BE LINKED

The ace =/= aro argument has already been said a thousand times, but I’ll say it again. Both asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums and they do not go hand in hand. People who want sex might not want love and people who want love might not want sex and, once again, that is OKAY. 

Now, onto the aspd factor - lately I’ve been seeing a lot of people saying “oh, such and such character is ace/aro/acearo, they MUST have aspd [or other terms]” or “such and such is a psychopath/sociopath and SO, they’re aro.”

Stop that.

Seriously.

Someone may very well have aspd and be ace, or aro, or acearo. But once again, correlation does not equal causation. I do get that on some level it’s understandable to play someone with aspd as aromantic in particular, but the lense is far too narrow, especially when it turns into a “must” situation.

Maybe what you would consider “romantic love” isn’t the same as someone with aspd would consider “romantic love,” but that doesn’t mean that they don’t experience it. Individuals have their own individual identities and definitions. 

There aren’t unbreakable chains attaching aspd, asexuality, and aromanticism together. It is perfectly okay to be all of those things at once or have a character that is all of those things, but please remember that they are all independent traits and are spectrums that show themselves in a variety of ways.

Also, don’t call being aromantic or asexuality a mental illness. Seen that one making the rounds again too and it’s fucking stupid. Stop it and just admit to being ace/arophobic so I can block you and move on.

~Disclaimer that I am NOT a psychologist, just a tired bastard.~

[ineffablefool]

(1/4) hey uh ur bio says that u r demiromantic and if it's not too much trouble could i get some help? so i'm starting high school next year and so far, i haven't gotten a crush or anything. romantic attraction? don't know her. but whenever i thought or pictured myself "grown up" i imagined myself with a boyfriend. (i'm a woman) all the evidence is pointing towards me being aromantic, but a little slice of my brain is still, "oh, you're just super demiromantic and violently straight, all of your

(2/4) super close friends have been girls, you just have to become really close friends with a guy and there! instant boyfriend" but i know that won't happen. i won't have some man come and suddenly i'm head over heels. but i've always figured i'd have a boyfriend. i know i'm ace, and i am calling myself ace, but whenever i go to call myself aro, my brain goes "but what if ur actually demi and then all the people you told u were aro will think you were a liar" which i kNOW is stupid but i cant

(3/4) stop thinking it. i dunno why i can't fully accept the fact that i'm aro. is it society claiming that you need a partner to be happy? is it the fact that being in love sounds amazing and like floating on clouds and i want to feel like that? i have no fucking clue. and it's not something against aros, like, i know that if someone told me they were aro i'd have no problem with it. which makes it worse because why is it so hard to let go of the fantasy that i'll have a romantic partner one

(4/4) day? i know, in my heart, that there is a like a 1% chance i wont be aro. but i still cant call myself aro my brain won't let me >:( when did you get your first crush? when is it normal for a demi to first feel romantic attraction? did you think you were aro at first? also i sometimes feel like i shouldn't call myself ace bc im too young to know if i like sex yet? when did u start calling yourself ace? ugh sorry for the super long ask,,, also fun fact it's "how do u write kisses" anon hiii

Hi anon.  I cannot promise you excellent help, but I am still glad you wrote to me again, and I really hope you are about to have a straight 72-hour period of Good Days.  (It might take you that long to read this.  Oops.)

So, first of all: there is nothing wrong with calling yourself aro now and then later deciding you aren’t.  Or realizing you aren’t.  (Two different framings for the same thing -- both are good.)  Or deciding or realizing that you’re somewhere on the aromantic spectrum which you feel is better described with a more specific term.  Demiromantics are still part of the aro umbrella!  It’s not an exclusive club where You Must Be Pure Aro To Enter!  (Anyone who tells you otherwise is setting themselves up as Decider Of What It Really Means To Be Aro, and where are their credentials for that?  Hmm, hypothetical gatekeeping person?  Can I please see your certification from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them?  Oh.  Oh you don’t have one.  Because it doesn’t exist.)

Me saying that doesn’t magically make your brain accept the label, of course.  I am just trying to gently show your brain the door, and it’s the one that has to walk through it.

Assuming you want it to walk through it.  Maybe you decide you don’t.  That’s fine!  But “yes, I am indeed aro -- I am on the aro spectrum somewhere so I am using the label” is a perfectly fine thing to tell people, and if they are not carrying forged credentials from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them, then they will probably be okay with this.

I am not any kind of expert on being aro, or ace, or anything.  I am only an expert in being me.  But to somewhat exhaustively answer the questions from your last part...

I had my first crush when I was thirteen or fourteen.  When I was about ten, I was friends with two girls who both had a very public crush on the same boy, and I claimed to also have one on him in order to fit in, but I was completely lying.  Sorry, Drew.  I’m sure you were quite the catch, but I was not feelin’ it.

I don’t know if there’s a specific time when it’s “normal” for a demiromantic person to start feeling any particular way.  It just sort of happens if it’s gonna.  Maybe it never does.  People are complicated and different and that’s wonderful.

I didn’t know what being aro (or being ace!) was when I was your age, because they weren’t really identities yet.  “Asexual” was for amoebas, or maybe robots.  “Aromantic” was, like, dude, did you misspell “aromatic”?  (Keep in mind, there was technically an Internet in approx. 1995, but there was no Google, no Wikipedia, no YouTube, no social media, the concept of what is now called a “blog” didn’t even really exist yet, and often your parents would not let you on the Internet connection if they could even afford it themselves, not least because it was frequently billed by the amount of time you spent using it. It was incredibly hard to know what things existed in the world back then to even begin to learn about them! Now is so much better. I have all the treasures of the world in my pocket via my telephonic device.)  When I started to learn about asexuality, specifically that you could be ace but not be “an emotionless robot” (gosh has unlearning that kind of judgement been a journey), I jumped straight on that label and never looked back (this was roughly when I joined Tumblr, so I would have been about 32).  I thought I was alloromantic for a while after that, but I’ve come to realize that my feelings on romance probably put me somewhere on the aro spectrum.  And that’s where I am now.

I started calling myself ace, again, when I was about 32, but I didn’t have that label available to me when I was younger.  Ya boi was 13-14 years old, sitting in his bedroom writing letters-to-never-be-sent to his crush, which included long sections about how I had already decided I would never have sex so long as I lived, so once we obviously got married because how could we not when I had such Emotions, he would have to find some other way to get that if he wanted it.  I had no interest in it then.  I never developed an interest in it since.  If I had had the knowledge I have now, back when I was in junior high, I am absolutely convinced that I would have taken the ace label then.  Was I too young to know for sure?  I dunno, we don’t say that people are too young at that age to know they’re heterosexual, so why do other sexualities have to pass a higher bar?  (Because compulsory heterosexuality.  That is why.)

Regardless of your age, if the label of ace resonates with you, you can apply it to yourself.  If the label of aro resonates, you can apply it to yourself.  Or a more specific variant of either, or something else entirely.  And the day you realize “oh gosh, this is not, in this moment, actually me”, you can let the label go, because its only purpose for existing is to be useful to you.

Finally -- this is not something I can personally speak to, but I have seen people who identify as completely aro also state that they enjoy things that our (my? I do not know where you are from) culture frequently sees as romantic.  Like, if you want to have a person who you can snuggle up with, hold hands with, say “I love you” to and have them say it back and both of you mean it -- there are aro people who do all that with their partners, and enjoy it, and don’t see it as interfering with their aromantic identity at all.  I believe them, because they are the expert on being themselves, and I have nowhere near the ego required to decide that I know better.  So that’s something to keep in mind -- cloud-floating and an aromantic identity do not have to be completely separate, because there are lots of kinds of love and of affection, and people are complicated, and that is wonderful.

I hope you enjoy this novel, anon.  It is for you.

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is having to explain to my not aro friends that I very much like cuddling and kissing and I'm not an emotionless robot and them being confused cuz they view these things as romantic

.

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

There’s a void in my heart and I can’t fill it

Aro Adrimi Power Couple QPR. If that bugs you, don’t read it.

-

Kagami had not been intending to become part of some weird love triangle for Adrien’s affections. It was merely a side-effect of going after the most popular boy in Paris, a rather annoying side-effect, and one that she would rather not have had to deal with.

It soon became clear that this was not just a simple love triangle, though, like in those bland teen dystopia books she’d got bored of reading. No, this was on another level entirely – swelling from triangle to cube to a messed-up amalgamation of affections with no resolution in sight. There was Ladybug, there was Marinette, there was Lila, Chloé, a great deal of irrelevant fangirls with no chance whatsoever, and from other sides there were even more people with even more crushes, like Chat Noir, Luka, plenty of people getting embroiled in this complete madness without knowing quite how chaotic it was.

Kagami knew her mother wanted her to end up with Adrien. She knew that Adrien’s father wanted it too. She knew it would benefit both of their families greatly in the long run if only she and Adrien could happily get together with no external threats to make things more complicated than they needed to be. But of course it couldn’t be that simple.

For starters, everyone already had the wrong idea. Yes, Kagami was stoic, blunt, seemingly cold and emotionless – no wonder they’d all been calling her “the ice queen” behind her back and thinking she hadn’t noticed. Was there a frosty heart under it all, one that needed melting? Needed “saving”? No, not like that. She already had rather affectionate feelings towards Adrien. He was cute, polite, friendly, and damn, he could be kinda hot sometimes.

But was she interested in some kind of traditional, cultural, romantic relationship with him?

Nah.

Read more on AO3

[dooplissss]

hey, what was that podcast that mentioned asexuals? i also like ace positivity

sorry for answering this a day late! The podcast is Cosmonaut Variety Hour, they talk about video games and pop culture, they also made the junkrat is the best character in overwatch video which is easily one of the best videos ever made. They were talking about one piece and joked about how luffy is asexual yet his brother is the one named Ace and something else i can’t remember, but overall it was just a nice pleasant surprise I really like these guys, tho they’re still amateurs and might not be for everyone tbh

also! i’m almost caught up on The Bright Sessions podcast and it turns out Chloe is ace, which i did not expect at all (and also shes a bleeding heart, which is counter to the emotionless/anti-social ace/aro trope god bless)

[discourse-is-just-a-pastime]

I’ve got to rant

Y’all know what is one part of tumblr culture I’m tired of? The black and white view of thing, especially with the idea of queer character NEEDING to be pure angel uwu otherwise you just a gross [---]phob.

Like, I have 99 registered characters  because I can’t stop making ocs (just means I’v got them in my long list of references, am surely missing some). 81% of them are queer in some kind of way (this include a 3% of them questioning), while 19% are cis and straight (tho at least 2/3 of them are parents of characters).

Are you expecting me to have 81% of my characters being flawless characters who can never ever do anything wrong? For literally any label of the LGBT+ I have characters that could be “bad” and good one, wanna play?

L/G: surprisingly not too bad (at least when I check), but tbf, I have more queer/m-spec/a-spec characters. Some would probably deem not so good, notably one that I went sadistic on for 6 years and who has suffer, and one who is closer to “gay folks always take care of their appearance”, despite his character being more than that.

M-spec: we start having more contrast one. ex: F sleeps around a lot, don’t call back and flirts with anyone he finds attractive -> bad and biphobic. S, his best friend, not flirty, loyal to his partner when he enter a relationship. Like, most of my characters are okay ones, yet I couldn’t make F the way he is because apparently bi folks who act like him have never ever existed?

Don’t get me wrong, I see where the problem is when that’s the only rep you have, but in the same universe as him, you’ve got the exact opposite in his own best friend.

Trans/enby: honestly, am not sure how I could fuck this one up? Since I don’t do caricatural characters. But I guess that the idea of some my enby folks not entering the “androgynous” idea people have of NB people is bad? Or that J isn’t really dysphoric, but those enter other kind of discourse.

A-spec: Some of them are straight up villains, tada, now my characters is consider bad. for my aroace characters, I have such a broad variety of them, yet I would deem bad for making some villains or legit close to emotionless.

Queer: much broader spectrum of them, going from good, neutral to villain I guess. But hey, most would find a characters who’s just queer to be bad in the first place.

Like, I know playing only on stereotype is bad, but I make my character 3 dimensional, they are all different and I never play only on that. Alos, it not as if thoe couple of example would be the only queer rep you’d get if I was making a story, I have so many it would be hard to see them as the only rep.

No one can convince me that there is no gay men who’s flamboyante and takes care of his look.

No one can convince me that there is no m-spec folks who are flirty and like to sleep around.

No one can convince me that there is no trans folks who do wear cloths that are more feminine/masculin than their gender.

No one can convince me that there is no enby folks who are not just androgynous with more masc side than fem ones.

No one can convince me that there is no aro folks who like to sleep around.

No one can convince me that there is no aroace who are just bad people.

humans are different and it applies to queer folks. Sure don’t play on stereotype only, but don’t come at me if some do falls under them just because I decided to make one out of ten closer to what would be deem bad.

[aro-culture-is]

aro culture is scrolling through social media n seeing a lot of 'if u didn't cry at this song, ur emotionless!!!' N the song is abt a romo relationship heartbreak :/ doesn't help the songs pretty popular n everyone seems to say the same thing

.

[aro-culture-is]

Aromantic culture is wanting human aro rep, but also thinking non-human characters are cool af