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#even if im arguing with someone i wont tell them to kill themselves
funkopersonal · 4 months
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Pls block this person.
They literally found my account, told me to kill myself, not once but twice, and then went into a post where i was asking for advice on my bat mitzvah and told me to kill myself once more.
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So um... yea thats all i wanted to say today. bye bye
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Im an american and I'm so scared of the future. I think I'm gonna die under a trump presidency and I don't what to do.
There are people dying under Biden now and with the supreme court decision to criminalize homeless people I suspect that there will soon be more.
That to say, solidarity will be our salvation in the face of fascists trying to divide us with fear and attacks on our rights. Yeah it is terrifying, but there are more oppressed people than there are oppressors. There is a reason they are attacking our communities one at a time, fear mongering, and trying to make us choose a side all at the same time.
What you need to do is the scary thing and put your trust in activists and leftists who are desperately shouting from the rooftops that the most important thing we can do right now is put our foot down and disengage from a corrupt two party system that only uplifts white supremacist fascists.
We have an awful government because we allow awful people in our government. Point blank. There is no getting around that or making excuses for it anymore. That led us here, right?
Whatever happens, no matter how this election goes the next 4 years are going to be impossible to describe in how bad it will be for people across the planet and the planet itself.
Honestly? You should be scared. Only fascists wouldnt be. But, if you're able to do something about it then let that fear turn into rage and become your fire.
Get mad at the people who put you in this impossible position. Because they knew better and they didn't care about your life or the millions of others at risk everyday! Why the hell should any of us keep playing into a system where our own president (and plenty of other politicians throughout time) can say we should die for the economy, for this country, for them when they wont let us walk down the street holding hands with our trans partner, when they kill our communities for jogging while Black, when they wont even let us live in poverty without sending us to prison!! People work themselves to the bone in this country to get by and you're telling me they'll never own or deserve a home? That even at the end of serving a long war, one of the most patriotic and respectable things you can do for an imperialist country, a veteran's kindest statistic to come home to is still an early death?
Fuck that.
Shits fucked. It's been fucked for a long time. If you're fine now you'll probably be fine under Trump if we're being honest.
But if that chance you won't be keeps you up at night, know that you aren't alone. That fear in your heart, that pit in your stomach is something every oppressed person has in common and it will be what unites us.
Like I said. Let it turn to rage, to fire. A single candle is no big deal to put out, but could they stop a wildfire so easily?
You're not going to die under Trump.
There are too many of us being wronged by the same exact systems. And as long as we focus on that and build on that instead of arguing over which system leader the worst, then we'll be fine. The point is they all suck, right? So find common ground there instead of discourse.
Solidarity can look like:
Donating! to bail funds, Palestinian escape gfms, human rights orgs, grassroots activists circles, directly to marginalized people, etc.
Not advocating for the two party system/voting blue
Remembering that equality will not be gained by stepping on someone else- no more compromising the needs of others. If one person says something hurts then their pain can't be part of any solution to someone else's problem.
On that note: listening when PoC and esp Black women tell you when something is racist, harmful, or oppressive. Listen when you are told that the solution you are considering will still leave people marginalized, isn't accessible, and/or isn't inclusive enough.
Solidarity also looks like not taking it personally when you are told that the action/opinion you just voiced was hurtful or ignorant or even bigoted. You DO have misinformed opinions and beliefs and you WILL be checked on those when they occur (just like you check others probably.) No, not everyone will be nice about it and you shouldn't let that discourage you! You should remember that being checked is exactly what everyone is gonna have to get used to. That is what building a better future is gonna look and feel like for everyone at some point. Everyone is ignorant about something. Just learn to say thank you when you're educated for free.
Get used to discomfort!! A little discomfort now is going to be worth the human rights and solidarity and justice we have later. Solidarity is gonna look like Not constantly centering your own comfort or lifestyle or privileges. It's gonna look like reading the room and knowing what a tone deaf comment/request is and when your silence is more appropriate (This is how you will earn trust in community spaces that've become hypervigilant of bad faith allies)
You figure out what your community needs and seek to provide it through either donations, working with local orgs, labor, awareness, (ex: donating/making meals, cleaning, providing clothes or birth control, sharing MutAid requests, boosting activist groups, etc), and showing up to support your community's movements and protests.
Even my tiny rural area has queer meetups, anarchist bookclubs, and a Mexican activist group with a Facebook page; get involved in your community in the ways you can. Learn the names of the people you'll be standing shoulder to shoulder with when Trump supporters start rallying against us all.
The fascist wave can be stopped but none of us will be able to do it alone. You aren't going to die under Trump because none of us are going to let that happen.
The same way you wouldn't let it happen to any of us.
The community that keeps you safe is the one you build.
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scrabble-scribbles · 2 years
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ok. fuck you.
I am so tired, and im gonna try to put to words the realization I just had after arguing with another brain-dead adult
Queer people will NEVER be safe. never, not in this world, and not for a good, long time. No other minority group will EVER be safe, not for decades or centuries. You know why?
Any amount of bigotry aimed at my community is a threat. any bigotry has the chance to grow and grow non-stop, even if it starts with one person, it will grow. the argument that “you have rights now, you’re safe” is such fucking bullshit, and I genuinely do not understand how anyone can believe that.
You know what was a right? Abortion. Guess what is no longer a right, because bigoted people were left to their hatred, because “its a right now, abortion is safe” was used to quiet anyone trying to get the SCOTUS case codified? Thats fucking right. Abortion is no longer a right in the US. it was. but bigots were allowed to keep feeding their hatred, their ignorance, and because of that still-existing bigotry, no matter how quiet or small they might have been, got to remove my rights to bodily autonomy. 
The argument that once you have rights, they’re there forever, shows SO MUCH ignorance in how the world works. having rights means dogshit. a piece of paper saying “you have the right to live” MEANS NOTHING. 
I dont get why this is so hard to understand. having rights doesnt equate to saftey in ANY WAY. Black people have rights. they’re still killed by the cops. Queer people have rights. How many trans people have been killed by bigots already? how many kids have tried killing themselves because of the slurs thrown at them? How many queer people are homeless and starving because they were kicked out for their sexuality? Disabled people have rights, but if i wanted to adopt, I’d have to prove that my disabilities dont make me any less of a person. Disabled people still suffer from lack of autonomy, how many times have you seen a douchebag refuse to listen to a wheelchair user when they say they dont need help?
Having rights does not mean that bigotry is gone, it just means that the government (who we all know gives absolutely ZERO fucks about anyone) did the bare minimum to pretend they care so they look good for their voters, and stay in power. 
I will never be safe as long as queerphobia exists. I will never be safe as long as abelism exists. There is not a single minority in this world that will be safe as long as bigotry exists.
laws are written words. laws are fucking worthless. no law will stop the transphobic people from killing trans people. no laws will stop a racist cop from shooting an innocent man. no laws HAVE ever stopped bigotry.
what do they do? they tell bigots they need to hide, and be quieter with their plans and attacks. they tell minorities that our lives are only worth a few bits of ink on powerless paper. 
saying I have nothing to be scared of because the government codified gay marriage is one of the most ignorant things i have ever seen.
a law wont protect me from the football player who called me a dyke when he saw the rainbow on my shirt
a law didnt stop the TSA agents who refused to touch me when they saw my trans pin
a law didnt materialize to keep me from being shoved into a wall by a security guard when I tried going to the bathroom
a law didnt stop my friend from being strangled to death by someone who thought they were a threat for simply existing.
the law didnt help my friend who was assaulted when they accidentally let slip that they were queer  
a law didnt protect the people who were murdered simply for existing in public, or the people beaten for it.
We will not be safe until bigotry is gone. Never. we can’t be. until bigotry is gone, there will always be people who’s hatred overpowers their caution. there will always be people who hate me so much that they would risk going to prison just to hurt me, because in their eyes, my existence is something so utterly vile, something so horribly evil and wrong, that any method justifies getting rid of me.
I’m not safe. Neither are you. and we won’t ever be.
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words-for-holland · 4 years
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Quarantine Series: Silence is Golden?
Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader
Summary: Tom and Y/N don’t get into a lot of fights, but this one will leave you speechless...literally.
Check the Rest: Burnt Out | A New Look | Secret Cuts & Kisses | Breaking Friendships |The Birthday Week | Movie Night
A/N: Hey! Did you know I created a Masterlist?! You can view here (X)!
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Every couple has their good and bad days. Some people will even say it’s healthy to have a little dispute once and awhile. For Y/N and Tom, the bad days just kept on coming. Maybe it was due to the work piling up on Y/N’s plate lately, or the fact that Tom was stressing about going to Berlin in 2 weeks for his work. Either way, both of them were under pressure, and with everything going on, it’d be no surprise that even the smallest things would irritate them.
“Tom I told you to put your luggage off to the side. One of us is going to trip with all this shit in our room.” Y/N scolded as she pushed the black luggage to the side of wall.
Tom was sitting in bed, rolling his eyes at his fiance’s comment and went back to focusing on his script. “Well, maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal if you just cleaned the room every weekend like you were supposed to do.” He grumbled as he highlighted his lines.
“I was working the entire weekend. I told you I had a huge release to prep for and last time I rememebered I’m your fiance not your maid. It wouldn’t kill if you could just do some of the chores in the house instead of having me, Harry, Harrison, or Tuwaine do it for you.” She argued, glaring down at Tom with her arms crossed. “Just cause your some hot shot celebrity doesn’t mean you can just sit there and do jack shit.”
Tom looked at her with surprise and anger. He just about had it up to here with her nagging. Tom loves Y/N, but sometimes, like tonight, she was really getting on his nerves, and the next few things he says to her were not so pretty. “Can you just shut up?! You’re always telling me what to do, what not to do, to stop doing this and stop doing that, and god the never-ending chatter that comes out of your mouth.” He spits out not even paying attention to how Y/N was reacting. “Some people actually do prefer some peace and quiet. God, I really can’t wait to go to Berlin just so I don’t have to hear that god awful nagging of yours.” Tom shakes his head as he looks back at his script, until he realized what just came out of his mouth...complete and utter bullshit that he didn’t mean.
It was Y/N’s turn to be surprised. In fact she was speechless, not really knowing what to say to his rant. It hurt a lot, as if her heart had just broken in a million pieces. If there was one thing you needed to know about Y/N, it was that she valued everyone’s view and opinion of her. So, you can best believe that if someone had a problem with her, she would not take it lightly. When it comes from the person you love the most...well...one can’t even begin to fathom how much it could hurt.
Tears were forming and streaming down her eyes, as small sniffles start to escape. Her tiny hands balling up into a fist. She wasn’t just upset, she was furious. “Well, if thats how you feel then, I don’t know why you’d want to be with a person that doesn’t shut up...Cause clearly I’m not good enough.”
Tom starts to sit up on the bed and lean towards her, trying to apologize profusely, but it was a lost cause that couldn’t be taken back. She runs out of the room with her stuff as she moves to the guest room to cry herself to sleep. Tom stays in their bedroom as he looks up at the ceiling with a disappointed face. “What have I done?” He whispers to himself, only praying they would be able to make up in the morning.
The next day, Tom wakes up extra early to prepare a ‘Sorry I’m such a div. Please forgive me’ breakfast with chocholate chip pancakes, bluerberry smoothies, and apple turnovers from her favorite coffeshop in London. And if that wasn’t enough...he had also brought her a bouquet of red roses. He awaited for her to come down, with everything set. As the boys came by to eat their share of the breakfast, Y/N comes down to akward silence. Everyone staring at her and Tom standing in the middle smiling with flowers in hand.
“Morning Y/N.” The boys say in unison.
“Morning boys...Tom.” Y/N mumbes the last word as she makes her way. They continue to talk and eat amongst themselves as Y/N looks for a seat to sit at, but sadly the only one available is the one next to Tom. He looks at her with his brown puppy dog eyes, silently pleading for her to sit next to him. Y/N gets the message as she rolls her eyes, and tales the seat. He present her the flowers once again, smiling off his boyish charm. “Darling, Im so sorry for the way I acted I didn’t mean it. Please don’t be mad at me. I love you so much.”
Y/N takes the flowers and nods, as she goes back to her breakfast. She ate rather quickly as to make sure she didnt have to deal with anyone and went straight back to the guest room. Tom slouches in his seat, sighing in defeat. “Great the silent treatment.” He says out loud.
“Damn, Tom you must have really fucked up.” Tuwaine said as he took a bite of his pancakes.
“Yeah mate, what did you do?” Harrison asked, intrigued by his best friend’s dilemma.
“You couldn’t hear them? They fought because Tom couldnt do a simple job and then called Y/N a talkative nagging piece of work” Harry answered him, stifiling a laugh. “Im sure the whole world could have heard him.”
“You also forgot, how he said he’d rather be in Berlin than be here with her.” Tuwain mentioned.
Tom glares at his younger brother and Tuwaine, giving them a good shove on the shoulder. “Hey, don’t be mad at me. I’m not the one that had to get his shit together.” Harry defends taking his last bite.
“What do I do? She wont even talk to me and I went through all this work to apologize to her.” Tom asks as he stares at the floor solemnly. “I don’t want her to be mad at me.”
“I don’t know mate. Maybe just earn her trust again. Im sure youll both work it out...you always do.” Harrison reassures him as he makes his way to wash the dishes.
Later that night, Tom passes by Y/N as she makes her way to the bathroom across their bedroom. Tom tried his best to set up the bed as if she was staying with him, fluffing the pillows, pulking down the comforters, and turning up the AC. As Y/N finishes up, she sees him standing at the edge of the bed, waiting for her to join him. “Please? I cleaned up the room and gave you your favorite pillow because you know you cant sleep without it.” He pleads, pouting with his lower lip sticking up.
Y/N looks at the tidy room and the pillow he left her. She smiles when she takes notice of the the one pillow with flowers and ripped edges. It was her favorite pillow since she was 5 and sworn to everyone that it was the only pillowcase she could ever sleep peacefully in. With the thought and gesture Tom made today, Y/N figured it was the least she could do, though it didn’t mean he was forgiven compeltely yet. Tom smiles at his first victory as he climbs in the bed with her. He tries to snuggle closer and wrap his stron arm across her waist, whispering “I love you and I really am sorry.”
Y/N wasn’t too comfortable getting this close still, and ultimately took his hand that was on her waist and dropped it to his side. Tom, felt a slight hinge of sadness when she did that. She never refused his cuddles and anytime they had a fight they would always make up before rhe end of the day. He sighs loudly in silence. Y/N turns around to face his back, and leans over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, which takes him by surprise. “I love you” she whispers, going back to her side of the bed.
The next day, Tom decides to take a quick trip to his parents house, who greet him with ipen arms. Though, both his parents, Paddy and Sam, notice the distress on his face. “What’s wrong son?” Tom’s mum asked with worry.
“Mum, Dad...I messed up.” He cries. “ I was just really stressed out this past week, with the movie, and the fans, and thinking about how I have to leave Y/N for Berlin...I-I- just said a lot of stupid things to her that I didnt mean.”
Tom’s mom rubs her son’s back as she tries to console him and calm his breathing. “There. There. Its going to be okay. You know Y/N loves you so much. Im sure you’ll both get through this.”
“That’s the thing mum. I don’t know if we can. She won’t even talk to me. I made her breakfast gave her flowers and even cleaned our room liek she asked me too. I don’t know what else to do to show her that I truly sorry.I told her I can’t wait to go to Berlin so I did have to hear her talk, but thats far from the truth. I don’t want to leave her when we’ve had all this time together.”
“Hmm...perhaps you should do the things that she doesn’t ask you to do. You know Y/N is also stressed with her job as well, she might not have time to get around to all the things that need to be done. Also tell her how you really feel besides that you’re sorry and you love her. You know both of you have had a hard week and there’s a lot of feelings bottled up inside. Just be honest with your feelings. I know you didn’t mean it and Im sure she knows too.”
Tom smiles at the last sentence, realizing the two haven’t really committed to the rules they promised each other, be honest and communicate with each other. “You’re right, Mum. I cant even remember the last time we really talked.” Tom got up up quickly whiping away the dry tears. “I’m gonna go make things right with Y/N. Thank you for everything. I love you.” Tom hugs his mother, before he makes his way ready to set things right.
As he pulls up to the house, Tom is ince again by the door with flowers in hand. Y/N sliently looks at him as she tilts her head curious as to why he’s on his toes...and with more flowers in hand. “Look you don’t have to say anything because I’m gonna be doing all the talking right now.”
Y/N looks at him in surprise, intrigued to hear what he has to say this time. “Y/N. Im know. im such a dumbass, clueless, and careless bloke who didn’t stop to think about your feelings and the things you wanted from me. I should have helped around more, I should asked how you were , and I definitely should have pushed my luggage to the side of the wall like you asked me too many times.” He says chuckling nervously. “And I know I fucked up, but Im really going to to try to make it an effort to listen more, and help you as much as I can. And Im so sorry for being so distant, I just I had a lot on my mind and the fact that I have to leave you, in two weeks when this has been the longest we’ve spent time together, it made me more sad.” Y/N looks at him with a sympathetic smile, almost ready to accept his apology. “So look, I know you’re probably still mad and everything, but Im really hoping this makes it up for you because I really do love you. Every single thing about you and theres only two more weeks before I leave and I want to spend every day, hour, minute, and second with you.”
There’s silence in the air as Tom looks into her eyes, trying to find some answer. “Every day, hour, minute, and second?” She questions him smiling. Tom’s face lights up with the brightest smile hes ever out on. He drops the flowers and hugs her even more tightly than he did with his mother, spinning her around. Nothing sounded better than hearing her laugh, it’s been far too long. He cups her face, kissing her passionately only to pull away and move the stray hairs from her face. Taking in every single detail of her face. “Yes. Ever day, hour, minute, and second..so lets not waste anymore time.” He grabs her hand as he rushed her to their room.
“Wait, wait, wait!” She yells with laughter. Tom sulks and groans, “Aw, what now?”
“You didnt even ask if I forgave you, yet?”
“Well...” Tom says pretending to think “Do you forgive me?”
Y/N looks at him, leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. “Of course I do.”
“Good. Now let’s go. Got to show you how much I appreciate and love you.” Tom smiles as he pulls her away.
Taglist:
@hollanddolanfangirl @parkerspillow @joyleenl @kihyunwifes
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JNPR Berries Week 2020
Day 6: Alternate Universe
Okay guys i hate aus and i always avoid au days for ship weeks but i actually have so many Pyrrha Lives/Fall Maiden!Pyrrha AUs and i got carried away i wrote almost 2k in bullet points
@jnprberriesweek
After Fall of Beacon Pyrrha has two options: 1) enroll at Haven with JNPR and continue to chase her Huntress dreams while paparazzi continue to make most things she does public, indirectly informing Salem where she is at all times. 2) drop off the face off the Earth both to avoid Salem/Cinder and to continue the Fall Maiden's job
Pyrrha being Pyrrha (self-sacrificing) goes with option 2
JNR decides there’s no way they’re going to let (a freshly discharged) Pyrrha go running into unknown with no friends or backup
She’s worried about putting them in danger (even though that’s the Hunter job description) but Goodwitch reminds her that she’s only at half power so she should accept the extra protection, and friends since she’s about to leave her whole life behind to live as a nomad which makes making friendships difficult to create and maintain
(Pyrrha doesn’t mention that she’s pretty sure she sees all of them in the more romantic light)
JNR help Pyrrha change her whole appearance. Which is very important since she’s also famous
She looses her iconic armor and has to leave her weapons behind
JNR tries to convince her to cut her hair but she’s worried about not being pretty
Jaune unhelpfully reminds her that that’s probably a good thing considering they’re trying to make her as non-noticeable as possible (poor boy just meant she’s so pretty already she'll probably never be able to blend into the background of any crowd)
Ren is actually the one who has to go "Pyrrha you’re gorgeous shorter hair isn’t gonna change that at all"
Then Ren goes "look at Nora she has short hair and she’s stunning for all we know you’ll look even better with short hair"
Pyrrha and Nora are practically speechless because Ren thinks they’re beautiful
Pyrrha is like okay but I won’t let you cut it any shorter than here (gestures to mid-chest level). (JNR tries not to look at her boobs)
Nora then tries to get her to dye it. Pyrrha holds out
JNR end up in Vol 4 outfits
Pyrrha makes the difficult choice of deciding to fake her death. She makes sure her friends (she unfortunately is unable to contact Blake or Weiss) and family still know she’s alive (but they still grieve her as if she’s dead. They most likely will never see her again. The only ones likely are her parents) but to the world Pyrrha Nikos is dead, killed in the Beacon Massacre
JNPR sets off through Vale (Fall Maiden's territory)
Pyrrha has a hastily made vaguely similar weapons to her last set. She may be a professional but she’s a professional with her chosen weapons and semblance, not most other weapons
JNR sees how Pyrrha dies inside every time a little kid or random citizen tells her "did you know you look a lot like Pyrrha Nikos?"
Pyrrha is also now getting hit on without her celebrity pedestal to keep people at bay
The first few times its truly pathetic how Pyrrha responds
JNR doesn’t intervene because they remember how sad she was about no one asking her to the dance
What JNR thinks is they’re coming into rescue her only occasionally. The truth is Pyrrha is getting rescued every time by a different member and lots of times one of them will step in before anyone even approaches her
Most of the time she’s happy one of them intervened
Some times she’s mad that no one will let her handle this herself (no one has realized that yet)
A lot of the time she feels all warm and fuzzy because for a few moments she gets to pretend. She’s given a free pass to slow dance with Nora, or to lean into Ren when he puts a arm around her waist, or get away with kissing Jaune on the cheek
(JNR are also very happy when they get these excuses.)
Jaune typically intervenes because he’s a nice guy and watching Pyrrha flounder is horrible. Ren and Nora always intervene because they’re either being protective or jealous (Ren has perfected the evil eye. People will back off before they even finished crossing the room)
They almost always camp out but when they stay in town they usually share beds to save money
Originally they were doing girls in one bed boys in the other but Nora is the whole kicking, sprawling, blanket snatching package so they typically pull straws on who gets to share with her
Sometimes even her bed buddy will leave in the middle of the night and see if they can squeeze in with the other two
On the other hand Jaune drools, Ren sleeps like a vampire, and Pyrrha snores
With Pyrrha, Jaune, and Ren all pushing six feet whenever two of them pair up touching is unavoidable
Most of the time everyone but Nora (who can fall asleep instantly) stay up freaking out about being so close to their crush. Ren actually freaked so much the first time he moved to the floor and activated his semblance just so he could sleep
Pyrrha is a side sleeper so she always ends up tangling her legs with her bed buddy. She’s always embarrassed but tries to stay in that position as long as she can (its the only selfish thing she allows herself)
Winter however quickly forced JNPR to start sharing sleeping bags
They always zip both bags together but all decided spooning is the way to go after too many cold nights. They also bought a tent just big enough for the four of them in order to trap escaping body heat
Jaune is dying from so much close contact. Was it not bad enough he has to see all of his (recently discovered) crushes get changed twice every single day? Was accidentally seeing Nora's abs and walking into a door frame in Beacon not enough?
Nora and Pyrrha on the other hand are loving it (when its not absolutely freezing)
Ren has caught all three of them arguing over who gets to sleep with him that night several times. Apparently he’s the best big spoon
A pack mule joke turns into them actually looking into getting one
Originally they wanted a horse, but when they actually were looking they ran into the problem of 1) its too tall for Nora to pack the bags 2) horses are massive and JNPR quickly realize they're scared of them
So that leaves either a pony, donkey, hinny, small mule, or llama
They end up with a donkey and name her Betty. Nora wanted "Bessie" but Ren refused to give in on the basis that she’s a donkey and not a cow
They also take this opportunity to purchase more bulkier items that would make their life more comfortable that they were unable to carry by themselves before (tents, pots and pans, extra shoes, more jackets, books)
They're over a year in when Ren of all people gets high and talks about his feelings
He thinks he’s talking to Betty but really he’s been talking to a tree stump for the last hour
He got high by taste-testing the mushrooms he was cooking
The team came back from getting firewood and unpacking Betty to find him laying in the mud giggling at the sky with their questionable mushrooms burning on the fire. It was pretty clear what happened
JNP have been making sure he wont hurt himself but mainly they’re enjoying the show
"Psst Betty. Betty. You wanna hear a secret?" JNP lean in "I’ve managed to fall in love with my entire team. You can’t tell anyone though. I don’t think I’ll ever tell them either. Im not good with feelings, and that would probably make me a terrible boyfriend"
He then goes on about what he likes about each person. He goes off on a tangent about someone’s eyes for seven minutes. He talks about his favorite facial expressions everyone makes and the best parts of their personality. Nora's been red for awhile now, Jaune is leaning so far forward Pyrrha's worried he’s gonna catch on fire, and Pyrrha is actually tearing up
He says how he feels guilty whenever he cuts in on whoever is moving in on Pyrrha, that he feels guilty about being jealous but also about sending someone away when he knows Pyrrha wants that experience, and how he doesn’t realize he’s already moved in to stop the person until they’re walking away
That he feels like he could mess up everything he has with Nora, not by going into a relationship with her but by being unable to open up any more emotionally than he is now which he knows she'll expect (they’ve talked about being “together-together” before)
He laughingly mentions that one time Pyrrha said she wanted a guy taller than her because Ren gets it now because when he’s bunking with Jaune in the winter he’s found he really likes being held by someone taller than him
Ren then goes "oh no. No no no its bad enough I’m talking about my feelings out loud I’m not going to tell you who has the best ass. Aren’t donkey's also called asses? What’s it like being a donkey?" And everyone is laughing
Pyrrha is the first to break after they fall back into listening. She looks at the fire the whole time. She admits she feels the same way about all of them, that she also planned on never saying anything.
Then Jaune pipes in that he just figured it out for himself pretty recently. That at first he was worried it was either teenage hormones or that he was reacting to a vastly shrunk dating pool and therefore the feelings weren’t real. (Unlike Ren and Pyrrha his feelings didn’t begin romantic and then expand his started sexual until realized what he thought was strong platonic feelings might actually be romantic)
Nora is still red with her hands over her face but eventually she says that she’s been attracted to all of them since team JNPR formed and "since we all clearly feel the same way about each other can we stop with the super embarrassing love confessions and makeout already"
When Ren wakes up that morning he remembers very little since he doesn’t know what were dreams and what were hallucinations. He has a dehydration headache and rolls over but Pyrrha sees he’s awake and she comes sits next to him. Ren doesn’t uncurl until she started playing with his hair. "How much of last night do you remember?" "Mostly just colors." "Ummm okay. Remember anything anyone said?" "I think I had a conversation with Jaune about rocks." "That was to Nora actually. But you did think she was Jaune." "Mmhm." "So last night there was a development, but since you were high I wanna ask you again now that you're sober." "Okay." "So ummm, we're kinda all dating now? But if you wanna back out now that you're sober you totally can." "What do you mean by 'kinda all'?" "All four of us." "And you all want to date me?" "Yeah, you don’t remember all the love confessions that happened last night." "Oh. Did my rock conversation interrupt all that?" "No. You actually confessed first." "I WHAT."
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edwardsvirginity · 4 years
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And now... I introduce my best friend to Eclipse! 
--0000000--
[riley’s first appearance]
Friend: who's that
mike?
(the rest of the commentary for the movie is under the readmore!)
--0000000--
[bella reciting the opening monologue: some say the world will end in fire…]
Friend: wow…drama queen
--0000000--
[Edward and bella in the meadow]
Friend: is this real or is this more of her crazy headspace
--0000000--
Edward: marry me
Bella: I have an English final
Friend: wow……. Rude
--0000000--
[Charlie grounding bella]
Friend: charlie…. is the only sane character tbh lmfao
he knows an abusive relationship when he sees one
--0000000--
[Edward sabatoges bella’s truck]
Friend:  Y I K E S
A B U S I V E
this is not romantic lol
--0000000--
Renee: I just want to make sure ur making the right choices for you
Friend: she's NOT
--0000000--
[renee gives bella the quilt from all their trips]
Friend: awwww
except she's selling out her fam for bloodsuckers
--0000000--
[all the cullens wait for Victoria in the forest]
Friend: is it whatshername
the redheaded bitch
--0000000--
Friend: i'm just gonna say….alice and carlisle are the only valid vampires
Me: whyso?
Friend: idk anything about jasper and emmett, edward is weird, who else even is there
--0000000--
Me: [pauses movie because a spider has appeared by my head and I’m freaking out]
[it lands on my laptop and I scream and close it]
Ok… we can resume
Friend: what happened?
Me: [explains]
Him: ? ? ? why didn't you kill it?!
Me: killing it requires getting close enough to touch it, and that's Too Close
i don't kill spiders
anyway
Him: what?!? lmfao
you don't kill spiders
Me: killing them is too scary
Him: i'd rather kill it and know it's dead than wonder where it is
wow
me: i just scream until someone else comes to do it for me
him: that's a lot to take in
--0000000--
[jake confronting Edward about being on their territory]
Edward: I was trying to protect u by not telling u abt Victoria
Friend: mmmm yikes
bella just needs to move tf back to florida
this is….Too Much
--0000000--
[bella goes to lapush]
Friend: tbh i like his pack
--0000000--
Leah: if ur here to torture jake some more u can leave
Friend: oooooh
burn
--0000000--
[movie introduces imprinting]
Friend: tbh i think that whole concept is insane™ and i dont get it
bc it like absolves you of your own…actions
& removes the other person's choice
it's really fucking creepy
--0000000--
Friend: also it would be soooo weird to be able to read people's thoughts
Me: i know it would freak me out
i would hate being able to hear everything my packmates thought
Friend: i don't need anyone else to know how horny i am
--0000000--
[Jacob arguing with bella about the cullens]
Jacob: theyre not even alive
Friend: "they're not even alive" y i k e s
--0000000--
[riley creeping in bella’s house]
Friend: man i'd be sleepin with a shotgun lmfao
& like 12 dogs
--0000000--
[Edward yelling at bella abt bella disappearing with jake]
Me: he’s so overprotective
Friend: she needs it tho
Me: because she's such a danger magnet?
Friend: um….yeah
& she is a fucking damsel in distress
she has no power of her own :((
--0000000--
Friend: he's so…ugly
me: Edward?
Friend: yeah ……….
--0000000--
[Jake appears shirtless]
Edward: doesn’t he own a shirt
Friend: “doesn't he own a shirt"
LMFAO edward voicing my thoughts
--0000000--
[Edward kissing bella before passing her off to jake, who immediately hugs her]
Friend: the way they …. fight with each other by using her body :|
--0000000--
Friend: what do native americans think of this?
Me: [explains]
Friend: so what is the redeeming quality of these movies exactly lmfao
Me: they’re… fun?
Friend: i guess
like indiana jones
racist trash, but fun(?)
--0000000--
Me: I hate his sideburns in this movie
Friend: don't think they're that bad
his whole face tho is not great
especially pale af
--0000000--
[nonconsensual kiss scene]
Jake: ill fight until ur heart stops beating
Bella: u wont have to wait for long
Friend: YIKES
--0000000--
[Edward and Jake fighting post-punch]
Jake: she’s not sure what she wants
Friend: Y I K E S
--0000000--
[Carlisle bandaging bella]
Friend: carlisle is so hot
i wanna marry dr. carlisle
the way he medicines everyone up…
wow
 [..]
edward is useless
seduce Carlisle
 [..]
edward's been alive 100 years and hasn't become a doctor??? c'mon
--0000000--
[Rosalie killing her rapists]
Friend: LM FAO
love that
W O W
that's a more interesting story than bella's LMFAO
--0000000--
[Rosalie trying to convince bella to stay human]
Rose: there’s one thing you’ll want more than Edward… one thing you’ll kill for… blood
Friend: ohhh….
SHE REAL
--0000000--
Friend: & also bella's assumption that Edward is That Great
she's 18….. she hasn't even TRIED college boys
 [..]
has she even had sex with anyone, ever?
--0000000--
Friend: Evil Dakota Fanning is ….. scary af
--0000000--
Friend: i'll say what i want about stephanie meyer being a fucked up mormon…. but her music taste is p good
Me: she didn’t do the soundtracks
Friend: ummm…i remember stephanie meyer specifically thanking Muse in her books
in the "acknolwedgements" section
 or did you, the twilight princess, not read that part
--0000000--
[graduation party]
Friend: I feel like there should be a twilight spoof..
where a high school girl has to choose between dating a furry and a goth
bc that's what this feels like to me
--0000000--
Friend: he freaks me out
the beefy one
--0000000--
[training scene]
Friend: jasper's kinda sexy too
well, everyone looks good next to robert :|
--0000000--
[jasper’s backstory]
Friend: jasper was a confederate soldier?!?!??!
what?? lmfao
confederate vampires? thanks i hate it
--0000000--
Friend: didn't he have like a life and morals before becoming a vampire or
i mean i guess he's a confederate so maybe not but
--0000000--
[jasper’s backstory]
Friend: he just listens to her lmfao
his Evil Mexican Bruja
--0000000--
[about Victoria]
Friend: she should just make someone sexy a vampire and fuck them tho
she has the power here
--0000000--
[about Jacob]
Friend: is there a REASON he never wears a shirt?
--0000000--
[Jake trying to convince bella she has feelings for him]
Jake: you can love more than one person… like sam, Emily, and leah
Friend: thruple!
that's the only resolution here
jacob & edward need to fuck each other and get over it
there's too much tension between them
--0000000--
Alice: you and Edward will have the house to yourself tonight
Friend: oooooo
Alice: you’re welcome
Friend: LMFAO
alice is a bro
--0000000--
Bella [immediately after the scene with Alice]: hey dad, I was wondering
Friend: hey dad… i was wondering. do you have any condoms
--0000000--
Bella: dad I’m a virgin
Friend: not for long….
--0000000--
Friend: but like honestly it's all so deeply unclear to me
he has like no blood, right?
HOW does he get hard
Me: he’s always hard
Friend: i don't think that's how that works
--0000000--
[Edward and bella in edward’s room]
Bella: I wanna ask u something
Friend: "can we fuck"
--0000000--
Friend: i feel like "becoming a vampire" is just a metaphor for "losing virginity"
--0000000--
[Bella tried to jump Edward]
Edward: bella…no
Friend: ???????????
they already kiss and stuff?????????
Me: yeah
i think he's worried he'd like. fuck her to death
idk… her vulva is delicate i guess
 Friend: they could do some Other Stuff
Me: yeah i know
edward is just…. too old school to understand anything but piv
Friend: fuck her to death…with his flaccid vampire dick
 [..]
this is so………Weird
?????????? sex is not a sin
--0000000--
[Edward talking abt how he would have courted bella in 1918]
Friend: ???????????? i dont believe that at all
people fucked in the 1800s
edward is a fucking weirdo
[Edward starts his grand speech]
Friend: Ew
this is…. a Lot
tbh it's Not Sexy that he can't adapt to a more feminist era
[Edward proposes]
Friend: this is…… a Lot
he Keeps Asking
[bella accepts]
Friend: she's only saying yes because she's horny!!!!
--0000000--
Friend: also….tbh it's sad that these vampires have to deny their instincts and have no control over themselves
like ….maybe they should just be euthanized
 Me: :O
Friend: is it fair to deny them their nature???
we don't force tigers to be vegetarians
what is the difference
Me: because… they're sentient and intellectual and can decide for themselves not to eat humans
Friend: i'm not sure i buy that
Me: you think they're not smart enough to make their own decision not to eat humans?
Friend: it seems like they have to be rehabilitated to deny a very natural instinct that they have no control over
are the cullens themselves a metaphor for mormonism?
 Me: yeah but carlisle CHOSE a vegetarial lifestyle… no one forced it on him
Friend: i guess
but at what cost
lmao
--0000000--
[tent scene]
Jacob: I am hotter than u
Friend: LMFAO
--0000000--
Friend: why didn't they bring more blankets?????
how fucking cold is it
Dumbasses
--0000000--
[Edward and jake arguing over bella]
Friend: idk bella….
i'd rather fuck a hot wolf than a freezing rock hard PussyDestroying Vampire
those wolves are HUGE…. huge dicks im sure
--0000000--
[Edward talking about how he doesn’t want bella to be a vamp to jake]
 Friend: i feel like they're Bonding
over their inability to control this woman lmfao
--0000000--
[jake and Edward fighting over bella]
Friend: bella is not that interesting? ? ? ?
--0000000--
Edward: if you weren’t trying to steal bella I might actually like u
Friend: wow
THIS is where they should fuck
t h r u p l e
look deep into each other's eyes
--0000000--
Friend: she'd warm up if they were having sex
--0000000--
[post tent scene]
Friend: she's not even wearing a hat rn
bella…what the fuck
--0000000--
[Edward and bella talking about being engaged, jake overhears]
Bella: it’s the 21st century
Friend: yeah, it is the 21st century…. marry them both
--0000000--
[bella asks jake to kiss her]
Friend: what the FUCK is happening
--0000000--
[bella and jake making out]
Friend: she's not even wearing anything warm
--0000000--
[battle]
Friend: carlisle…. kung fu master
Me: renaissance man
Friend: only breaks the hippocratic oath when absolutely necessary
--0000000--
[confrontation with riley and Victoria, Edward trying to convince riley to turn on Victoria]
Edward: think about it riley.. .you’re from forks… you know the area
Friend: "you're from forks… who would want that"
--0000000--
[Carlisle healing jake]
Friend: god…..my sexy, classy dad
… so smart….. so kind
--0000000--
Bella: I’m not normal
Friend: bella….you are SO normal
the reason every middle school girl read these books and thought they were like bella is bc you are just THAT normal
--0000000--
Edward: I guess we should start planning the wedding
Bella: no… something more difficult first… more dangerous
Friend: is she still talking about her virginity
29 notes · View notes
brinesystem · 5 years
Text
list, tw
I saw this on someone else’s blog (im not saying names cause idk if its okay to share that info? it was public but still) and it uh
It looked like a good way to kinda, like, have a bit less doubt? or a way to remind myself of whats happening and why i think i have this? idk
Might be triggering so like probs scroll past or something
‘the moods’ existed before i knew about did/osdd
I used to describe them as “it feels like half me, but also half somebody else”
I argue and talk with my own thoughts
Sometimes I talk/argue /aloud/ with my own thoughts
I have to actively fight to /convince/ Fae to talk to people, else he wont. and even when he does, its not how i want it to sound
I cant remember most of my childhood
The /bad/ middle school was when i was either 9 or 10
I knew too much about sex when i was much too young (7, 8)
I get ages wrong (i was 6 in cali, not 8. why do i think it was 8?)
I had a dream about getting raped when I was in elementary school. I didnt fight back. I didnt feel anything at all
I used to hide under desks
I hated my therapist. Its now fear. I dont remember what it was back then
I forget memories I recall, and if I force them back, everything hurts, even if theyre not traumatic
I often forget that I used to forget bad things that happened to me.
Other sex dreams from elementary school
The csa I /do/ remember (freshman). Why did i seek that out. Why did it seem like a good plan
I used to forget conversations daily
I drew myself (sebastian, older brother, nicer) before I knew i was trans. I dont have many memories from before I came out/knew i was trans. (am i an alter?)
Used to daydream for hours due to nerves. Disocciating?
The bathroom incident (middle school. 9 - 10)
How old are you? “16″ i reply this randomly when i am 23. when i was 21. Even when I know I am not
The HS trauma that happened right
I don’t have triggers for my trauma, except sometimes i /do/
Hypersexual, but only /sometimes/
I’m an adult! Except sometimes when my body is much too big and I am much too tall and I only want to curl up and be left /alone/. Except when i am small and fragile and want to have stuffed animals around me and play animal crossing. Except then.
Opinions keep changing, but to set differing ones. (Fashion sense, humor, hobbies, aesthetics)
Scared of dad! Not scared of dad. Pity dad. Could kill dad. Scared of dad! Not s-
Handwriting/Art/Writing style changes a lot (fluctuates between set stops)
Randomly gains accents and loses them. Only happens with two accents even though I know many
Stims change depending on Mood
Cant recognize myself in the mirror, but ideal keeps changing in set patterns (soft lumberjack, fae prince, cutesy, fashionable andro, suited devil)
Fave colors, songs, movies change in set patterns
Numb sensations to VERY INTENSE sensations. Cannot predict
Edible food changes depending on mood, even including safe foods (mac n cheese vs mussels vs ramen, etc)
What is this emotion? idk
Who am i? idk
I know I was bullied. Don’t remember why I know
Trying to think about my childhood makes me panic or get a headache
Super depressed after mental break ; Suddenly snapped out of it emotionally
That one time I slept for 3 days straight
Posture and walk cycle keeps changing
Gets songs stuck in my head that I’m not thinking about
Gets songs stuck in my head that i can’t even hear
Remembers things with no context given (the movie. “which movie” i dont know. “what was it about? who was in it? what was the title? what did it look like?” i dont know)
Bad sense of time, but like, days/hours can = months/years
“so mature for my age”
The Moods can be triggered into appearing, but not always by things I relate to them (ie; Kos and Fae)
Personality test results keep changing. All of them
False memories (the cliff, talking to the old woman about marriage, who knows what else)
Caught off guard by my own thoughts and even words I say (”sehb is gonna be mad at me for this, lol” “ACRRRRRYLICS”)
Most of my childhood memories are actually photos or stories ive heard
That dissociative test where I scored in the middle, but closer to DID than OSDD
Opinion on myself and my own looks varies
Opinion on my past varies
I dont recognize my own voice sometimes (is it changing? or is it my perception?)
Numb regarding pain, but then hypersensitive to it later
Numb regarding loss, skips straight to acceptance
Cant shiver normally, but sometimes can even when its not cold
Cant feel hunger normally, but sometimes can?
Favorite season and holidays change (summer, beach! autumn, cool air! halloween! no, valentines day!)
I dont feel connected to my family except my mum and maybe my youngest sister. These were /choices/ I made
Empathy? Dont know her. Except when I randomly start crying when others are sad, which always comes at different times but similar Moods
Cares about appearance one day, couldnt care less the next
Fave jacket: Green denim! Nope, today fave jacket: Grey hoodie! Nope, today f-
Headaches. So many headaches
More headaches when dealing with trauma
I doubt myself and worry I’m lying. Liars wouldnt do that, right?
Known to dissociate
Forget things mid sentence
Used ‘we’ when talking about myself at random before considering OSDD
Cant dream, except when I can and they dont feel like /mine/
Used to speak aloud with myself practicing words. Was I alone? idk
Loves animals. One of the Moods doesnt care at all about animals, even Wander
Loves video games. One of the moods detests video games
Loves horror games. Randomly feels intense fear from horror games
I know i was bullied, i know dad didnt come home on xmas, i know i moved a lot, i know i was in dc during 9/11, the ocean incident, the doctor incidents, I vaguely recall M(on base friend with older brother) and how she treated me (broke my glasses), i know i had a horrible time during that one year of middle school even though I only remember Two Moments (bathrooms, trailer) but I don’t necessarily have the memories of all of the things I know I dealt with
Memories are like snapshots or still moments, and dont continue
Memories I know effected me emotionally, I feel detached from now, except when i’m randomly Not (the koi, the caterpillar, not punching dad, etc)
Didn’t have friends until second year of middle school, those friends were bad, so were the hs friends
Ignored most things that happened but would randomly become enraged at smaller things that happened to me
The time on base I thought all adults driving by were pedophiles (i was 7. 8. why did i think that. why did i want to goad them? what was wrong with me??)
Keep forgetting memories like 81, but when I remember them theyre hard to get out of my head
“you acted so differently as a kid, what happened”
The Tics in response to stress
Was good at the doctors and then suddenly wasnt at all. Now am afraid
Was fine with bugs and then suddenly wasnt. Now am afraid
The fact that I dont remember typing ‘at all’ on 85
Lost old friend. Didnt mourn, still get a queasy feeling when I think about her/am reminded of her, but not upset or sad usually
Can connect most of the Moods to triggers, traumas, or coping methods, including myself
Reaction to trauma changed literally overnight
Used to love being tickled, now makes me panic (fight/flight)
Can feel when the Moods take something they see into themselves (was told this is normal. i am not faking this, at the very least)
I dont like lying. Fae doesnt/cant lie. Luci /enjoys/ lying.
Used to think solely in images. Now think solely in words.
Can sometimes hear thoughts before i think them, but only my own
Randomly gets worse coordination in turns with moods, and then gains it back after
Too trusting, but then gets in a mood and doubts even my closest friends
People keep telling me what im describing sounds like osdd, even friends who have met some of the Moods
I have an easier time remembering some things when I’m in different Moods
Used to have more amnesia before I started recognizing the Moods (was that me switching out?)
9 notes · View notes
wongiemei · 5 years
Text
iKON Relationship with New Girl Member
Jinhwan:
Tumblr media
Basically, her dad
Takes care of her the most dealing with her problems
He’s the oldest and he is used to dealing with the boys’ shit so he can handle hers too
But sometimes, it can be overwhelming
The girl member would listen to him like he would for her
Whenever she gets in trouble, he would always defend her (which annoys Bin a lot)
When she’s in that *cough* time *cough*, she would be the most comfortable with him
Jinhwan wouldn’t hesitate but go to the store 2 streets down and buy her chocolate, medicine, heating packs, chips, and tampons/pads
out of all the boys, she would trust him the most
if she needs something, she would go to him first
jinhwan loves to brag about that to the boys
he also loves the fact that someone is finally shorter than him
the boys still call him short but the girl defends him saying he’s taller than her
if anything, they should call her short
the first time it happened, jinhwan almost cried bc finally someone stood up for him
whenever he’s upset or hurt by what the others said, he hides it but she can usually tell 
the only one he speaks his problems to
she experiments with makeup on him since he’s the only one who lets her
ngl, she’s actually pretty good
‘i didn’t spend 2 all-nighters watching jeffree star and james charles for nothing’
but as long as he sees that bright smile, he’s happy
i think he would be the im-never-letting-you-go type with her because he sees her as the girl he saw for the very first time
shy and innocent
and he will be damned if someone corrupts her
Yunhyeong:
Tumblr media
if Jinhwan is her dad, he’s her mom
makes sure she does laundry, gets up early, goes to bed on time, showers before the boys
will feed and cook for the girl even when he’s tired
thinks shes the cutest little thing
but he knows that if he finds chanwoo and her are talking amongst themselves, shes gone
gets pranked on the most
the boys would use the girl to take advantage of his kindness to her for a prank
then the girl would be guilty later on and secretly tell song what theyre planning
believe it or not, yunghyeong is pretty scary when he’s mad
so she rats the others out bc she knows he wont punish her and she could watch the boys suffer
its like killing 2 birds with one stone
but really, she appreciates him
without him, she would be stuck eating delivery and ramen every night
since she rooms with him, chanwoo, and hanbin, hes always cooking something
ikonics see her a lot in his vlives and YT channel
when he went to the jungle, she was very worried
‘hyung, you’re going to get sick there! who’s going to feed me when you’re gone? you know Bin can’t cook for shit!’
‘yah! do you only see me as your chef?!’
‘what do you mean i can’t cook?!’
he looks out for her a lot
during ikontv, she was the only one excited for the mungap trip
out of all the boys, she appreciates him the most
okay, maybe she appreciates him and jinhwan the most
but, he was the one who made her feel welcome and tried the most to help her fit in and make sure she was comfortable
will never forget when he left her a tray of food at her door when she refused to leave her new room
there was a post-it note with encouraging words and she still has it to this day
just a wholesome mother-daughter relationship that will never be broken
Bobby:
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oh, my baby
as i mentioned in the earlier post, he wasn’t very upset but he wasnt happy
but he wasnt upset enough to make her feel uncomfortable
bc jiwon is such a baby and so nice that he subtly helps her
over time, they build a cute relationship where he is like her older brother
steals her food all the time
‘no! song-hyung cooked that for me! Only for me!’
‘yah! it’s rude not to share with your elders!’
‘*mumbling* wdym elder. you’re practically a 5 year old’
jiwon has no mean bone in his body and you were practically an angel to him
well, when you’re not fooling around or goofing off
although he thought you wouldnt survive in iKON, he tries to help you as much as he can
even though bin is literally a big butt and gives you a hard time, jiwon helps you
like the time bin screamed at you because you couldnt get the dance right and you, being a strong woman who wouldnt let people push you around, screamed at him too
it resulted to you having a screaming match and the elders having to push you back because you were so close to punching him in the face and the youngers holding bin because he wouldnt hesitate to come at you
more on that in a sec
but you slammed the practice room shut and walked to the river to cool down
granted you were new to korea and didnt really know where you were going, you went to the place the guys took you to
bobby found you crying there and hes a very awkward little bean so it was hard for him to comfort you
since youre a girl and all
but you wrapped your arms around him and cried to his chest *cue confused and frozen bobby*
jiwon slowly wrapped his arms around you and whispered sweet nothings into your ear
since then, hes vowed to protect you bc youre basically the little sister hes wanted
B.I:
Tumblr media
okay, lets get this bread
as i said in the beginning, he didnt like you
aT aLL
he wanted to give you a hard time bc he wanted to see how long you would last
these boys have been with him since their survival days and suddenly this girl comes in? no thanks bitch
but i think bin is just really frustrated bc he couldnt figure you out
the others, he knows like the back of his hands
but you? he doesnt know shit about you
*cue his bratty self*
we all know bin is actually a soft little puppy who needs to be protected by iKONICS and will sacrifice himself for his boys
and dont worry, he will soon come to love you too
when you locked yourself up in your room, jinhwan grabbed his ear and pulled him outside to scold him
but it resulted to bin and jinhwan arguing
‘if you dont get your shit together, we’re going to have some problems. you’re the leader arent you? then act like it’
every day you try to be nice to him but he just shrugs and sometimes even outright ignore you
but as time goes on, hanbin slowly figures you out
youre still scared of him and thinks hes a douche but you can see hes trying
he really is trying
he picks up your weird habits like unintentionally pout when you dont understand something or the tip of your nose sweating when youre nervous
before, he used to not ask for your input in any tracks but it has come to the point he would knock at your door in the ungodly time of 2 in the morning, asking if the draft is good
love scenario was your guys’ combined efforts
there will be an imagine with that^
since you came in bling bling era, he didnt really give you a lot of lines because he couldnt figure out your voice and your strengths
but now, he knows you very well too
‘yah, be careful. dont be eating a lot of that ice cream. you shouldnt even have any in the first place. youre lactose intolerant, remember?’
‘yes, bin. i think id remember if there was something wrong with me.’
there are petty little fights between you guys that used to be mean and hurtful but are now playful and downright cute
but that dreaded day of your biggest fight yet
in love scenario during bobby’s rap, there’s that fast move that even the others struggled in
but hanbin already got it nailed down bc hes a GOD
but you were struggling the most and hanbin tried to be patient and help you
it was just hard for you and you couldnt get it right
by the 100th time of him repeating it over and over again, he exploded
‘yah! how are you a dancer when you couldnt even get this right!’
you looked down ashamed while mumbling ‘sorry’
he yells again and you mess up 
AGAIN
he throws his hat down and gets up towards you
‘if you cant do it correctly, why bother with it? go home. you’re done’
jinhwan nervously puts a hand on his shoulder and goes in between them to try and difuse the situation
‘hanbin-ah. we’re having a hard time too. its not just her. the dance is just hard.’
‘i dont get we’ve done WAY harder choreo than this’
‘well, hanbin, remember. she wasnt here for that.’
‘maybe it was a mistake to put her here then. she isnt ready.’
you look up at him with flaring eyes
‘listen, you dont know anything that ive been through to get to where i am today so dont even say im not ready. YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!’
everyone stayed silent, even the maknaes bc theyve never seen her lash out like that
hanbin scoffed.
‘maybe if you actually opened up yourself to us and not hide in your damn room all day’
she stomped to him and pushed him
‘no MAYBE if you pulled your head out of your ass and take the time to get to know me then maybe you would! but NO! you decide to be a little bitch and throw tantrums just bc a girl joined your group. was your ego hurt that yg sent a girl to you? that you would need someone to make sure that this group doesnt crumble to the ground? bc with the way youre acting, the guys arent here just because youre a good leader. YOURE A TYRANT! THATS ALL YOU WOULD EVER BE!’
shit
Hanbin was FURIOUS
he pushed her back and the guys held on to them
you pushed them away and sent one last hateful glare before you made your way to the door
‘but dont worry, kim hanbin. because ill send my resignation letter to yang in the morning. im not putting up with your shit any longer’
there will be a whole ass imagine about that so it will contain when yall make up
but after that, yall are so cool
his sister loves you and he might start having a ‘thing’ 
more on that in a sec
Donghyuck:
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oof my baby sunshine
previously stated, he was the only one excited for your arrival
so obvs, yall are very tight
you, bob, and dong do vlives together a lot and ikonics look forward to it all the time
always cheers you up
remember that prank for ikon tv where dong literally started comforting the girl?
well, he does that to you
he knows when you start to get upset and he rubs your back
sometimes, just a hug from him makes it all better
did i mention that he gives out the warmest hugs?
ace dancers
both of you love to do covers as bonding time
whenever you can’t sleep, you just go to the other dorm and go under the covers while he sings to you
he sees you as his little sister and reminds him of his own little sister back home
btw, he loves to give you gifts
but so do you
when yall were filming ikon tv, he always picked up something that reminded him of you
like when he went shopping with bobby for their studio, he got you a little cute figurine that you still have to this day
or when you went to lotte mall for your day off and bought him a little necklace
fans get excited bc they always see matching yall have
the two of you wear the most fan gifts
like when someone gave hanbin a shirt, you snatch it and wear it
like how dong takes bobby’s clothing
yall are so cute together and fans wish they had a brother or a sister like yall
Junhoe:
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this hoe
jk, but he really looks hot in this one
yes, he hated you in the beginning but once he found out similarities between you, he started tolerating you
also to him, i think he oesnt like the fact that him and the others worked so hard to get where they are and he doesnt really know what you went through to get there
junhoe has the personality that may seem very cold at first but he easily opens up to others and that causes them to open up to him
he knows the struggles you went through to be in ikon
you’re older than him by a few months and you treat him like your child
‘junhoe-ah! dont forget to take your makeup off!’
‘yah! clean your room! its like a pigsty!’
he gets annoyed with it but he knows you just look out for him
he calls you ‘noona’ with that cute ass smile if he wants something
how can you say no to that
yalls laughs are so loud and yall are just loud in general
one time, yall had a competition on who could sing louder and the guys almost banned you from the apartment complex
the neighbors weren’t happy
he always asks you for fashion advice even though you don’t have a good fashion taste
you have the habit of spoiling him of clothes and shoes
‘noona, you don’t need to do this. take them back’
‘wtf they’re from busan. i’m not about to take a train ride there to return those. keep them.’
his mom absolutely adores you
always tells you to look after him and junhoe blushing like a maniac
‘mom, i’m bigger than her. i think she’d need more protecting than me’
he turns red whenever you pinch his cheeks together 
ngl, he had a crush on you but it faded away when he saw another member having a crush on you too
hes scared of him so hed rather back off
but you love him a lot and comfort him bc hes a little baby that really needs to be looked after
Chanwoo:
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fuck, so cute
at first, chanwoo ignored you and made sure you were uncomfortable
even going as far as to disrespecting you
like being rude and being un-chanwoo
lets just say yunhyeong beat it out of him
as the youngest member, you baby him the most
‘oh, my little baby!’
initially, he was uncomfortable with it 
but now, he lives for it
pouts when you give another member too much attention
teases you about your short height all the time
helps you grocery shop mainly for him to carry the bags
‘dont worry, noona. im strong’
you find out that chanwoo actually joined the group last and had a hard time fitting in
you used this to your advantage to get closer to him with your similar situations
‘you know, being in an unfamiliar environment is hard. but having someone who understands your feelings makes it easier’
and he just looks up to you with those big brown eyes and you just melt
gamer buddies
love to go to pc cafes even though yall have your own respective computers at home
only goes for the food
always calls him when you’re stuck in one level
*cute Hanbin’s voice*
‘CHANWOO-YAH!!!! JUNG CHANWOO!!!’
even though he might act like a bitch sometimes, hes actually so soft and cute
hes your little baby and will always be your little baby even though yall are like 80
116 notes · View notes
one-night-story · 6 years
Text
Echoes of You (Spike Spiegel)
A/N: The formatting on this is h e l l. But when nostalgia slaps you and says “Fall in love with Spike Spiegel again.” You do as it’s says. Thus this
Roman Holiday had changed who she was so many times she didn’t remember who she was when she started. She’d been a drug lord, a spy, an informant, a bounty, a runaway. But these days, with blue and purple hair and a coat large enough to hide a pistol, she settled on being a ghost among the streets, listening and picking up information as she went. She found herself on Mars, mourning friends and paying dues. She was going to have to disappear again soon. But first, she needed food, scissors, and some hair dye; though she was uncertain what color. She tried walking into a convenience store when she ran into someone.
“Sorry about that.” The guy said. From that one comment Roman almost got whiplash. That voice shouldn’t be talking to her. That voice should’ve been dead. If not from the first time, then definitely the second time. She looked up at him and sure enough it was him. Spike Spiegel in all his blue suited, disheveled glory. And he looked just as shocked to see her. “Ro-?” He didn’t get to finish her name because she took off, sprinting in the opposite direction as fast as she could. He of course went after her, he always would, and she scaled a building to get to the roof. She pulled her pistol and waited for him to catch up.
“Who are you?” She asked.
“Ro don’t do this.”
“Tell me! Stop playing cruel tricks and just tell me!” She yelled. It couldn’t be him, it shouldn’t be him.
“Roman, it’s really me.”
“Bullshit, you died.”
“I didn’t,”
“Then you died again.”
“I’ve had worse.” He said with his trademark lazy smile. Roman almost let up at that. He still knew her weak points.
“Gimme the word.” She said, lowering her gun but not putting it away. He furrowed his brows and then figured it out.
“Lily.” He said. Roman lowered her pistol entirely and put it away. Her flower of choice. Julia had roses, she had lilies. Her whole form softened, though she was far from the Roman he used to know. Spike took a step forward to see if she’d let him and sure enough, she didn’t move. “It’s good to see you Roman. Glad to know you’re still picking up information.” He said. Roman shrugged and sat down, still keeping her distance.
“Nothing better to do on this dirt rock. You know you threw the whole operation into chaos, right? There’s a power vacuum with at least seven people trying to fill it.” She said. Spike sat across from her, a little closer than she would’ve liked, but she allowed it. She chalked it up to some primal part of her brain still wanting to keep him as close as she could. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and stuck it in his mouth.
“What’s next for you then? Figure you’re not gonna stick around for that mess to sort itself out.” He said as he fished out a lighter and lit the cigarette. He took a drag and offered it to Roman. She took it and copied the movement. She never smoked unless she was with Spike. Again, she chalked it up to that primal part of her brain that was still 13 years old and hoped that she still stood a chance against a far prettier half-sister.
“I cut my hair, redye it and catch a flight out of here. I’m thinking Ganymede. Or the asteroids. Hell, I could go be a small fry in Tijuana.” She said.
“And what color will it be this time?” He asked. Roman’s mood was usually determined by her hair. She changed it with regimes, mood, the music she was listening to that month, and sometimes when she felt she had no control of anything. He watched as she thought over her answer.
“Red. Probably. Or pink. Julia always thought I’d look good with pink.” She said muttering the last part.
“You would.” He said. Roman tried to not flush to the color in question, but she never did take compliments well. “I remember she was constantly trying to push you out of the shadows.”
“I like the shadows. No one judges me there. I’m useful there.” Roman argued. Spike chuckled and took a drag from his cigarette. The motion was repeated when he passed it to her to take a drag.
“Maybe, but you have no reason to stay there. Unless you wanna start working for the police.” He said.
“I could be a bounty hunter.” She said with a shrug.
“Oh no, I don’t think I could have you competing for my dinner money too.” He said with his trademark smile. Roman laughed at his comment, a real laugh. Something she hadn’t done in a while. As she laughed, Spike watched her. Her face was lit up by the beginnings of sunset and neon. Her and Julia had no personality similarities, but sometimes they did have physical ones.
“I haven’t done that in forever.” She said when she finally calmed down. Spike smiled at her. She seemed lighter now, more at ease. It was like the laughter fit had locked her into a time machine and she had shed so many years of cynicism with ease. “What about you? What becomes of the great Spike Spiegel? Now newly undeceased again.” She asked. Spike thought it over. He wasn’t certain. He didn’t know if he could go back to the Bebop. But he didn’t know any other way of life. Maybe just him and Jet could strike out again. Maybe he needed to go forward. Maybe he needed to disappear.
“No idea. Maybe dye my hair and change planets.” He said. Roman rolled her eyes.
“Hey, don’t steal my one thing.” She said. Spike chuckled and actually gave her a genuine smile. They were silent for a minute, casually passing the cigarette between themselves. For a moment they felt like teenagers again, sharing cigarettes and sharing a moment of uncertainty. At least that’s how Roman always felt in moments like these. Until finally she broke the tension.
“Annie told me you came to see her.” She said as she looked down.
“Yeah. Thought I might finally kill him.”
“Ignored my bounty then.”
“Always did. Whenever it came up, no matter what the price, no matter what name you were under. I wouldn’t do that to you Roman.” He said. It felt like a whisper on the wind. Like if he said it any louder, he’d lose her like he lost Julia. Roman leaned into this, allowing one of her knees to knock into his. She needed this. She needed him. Outside of just that primal part that told her she was once 13 and crushing on the one person in the whole galaxy she couldn’t have.
“I look at you and I think… god what have we done with our lives? And what did it get us?” She said with what Spike could only describe as the truest form of sadness he’s ever seen from her. Roman Holiday kept all her cards close to her chest until one day, she’d die. But now? He felt like he was peering through a brick in her wall. “I loved my sister more than anything in this life. And I chose her happiness over mine, time and time again.” She scoffed and leaned back on her hands. “God I can’t believe I’m saying this.”
“What?” He asked. He wasn’t sure what was coming next, but curiosity killed him to know.
“A million years ago, she said to me “this one’s mine.” So, I stood by.” She said. “And I knew I shouldn’t do anything, I should just leave and pretend I never met you. But Julia,”
“She was too kind for that.” He said as his brain was slowly putting the pieces together. He had always wondered when they were kids, even before Roman became a shadow figure, why she always seemed to fall into that point, even when Julia brought her out, or when he tried to talk to her. But now he got it. She’d been hiding pain this whole time.
“I should go.” She said. She stood up and dusted herself off. Spike stood up as well and grabbed her wrist before she could go anywhere.
“Don’t disappear again.” He said. Roman looked down at her beat up shoes, trying to hide what had just come to pass.
“You can’t ask that of me.” She said.
“Ro, you’re all I’ve got left.”
“And who’s fault is that?” She snapped. Spike wanted to get offended. But he remembered an incident when they were younger, where he’d gotten too close and she’d snapped, and he retaliated. They didn’t speak for a month. Not until Julia forced them to, and not until after he’d brought her lilies. He sighed and plucked the nearly burnt out cigarette from his teeth and passed it to her. She took a drag and then stomped it out. She was still looking down at it when Spike brought her face to look up at him. Roman unintentionally leaned her cheek into his hand, blinking at him a couple of times.
“I won’t let this be the last time I see you Roman.” He said. Spike, at his core, was a deeply sentimental person. He couldn’t lose Roman. She reached up and brought his face to hers, giving him a small, soft and what Spike could only describe as a ghost of a kiss. Like she was afraid of what fully kissing him would mean. He kissed her cheek in turn, letting it sit there a little longer than either of them expected. When they separated, they put the distance back between them. Once again, afraid of what the closeness would do to them. She tossed him a comm unit she had pocketed off some guy and he caught it with ease.
“Call that ship of yours.”
“Wouldn’t that be going backward?” He asked.
“One step backward to go miles forward? I think it’s worth it. Call them Spiegel.” She said. Spike nodded.
“Remember, pink.” He said. Roman gave him a small, soft smile and nodded.
“See you Space Cowboy.” She said as she ran off the edge of the roof, scaling down the building to go buy some scissors, some food, and some pink hair dye.
36 notes · View notes
sollea · 6 years
Text
Kingdom Hearts Mermaids AU Characters: Lea, Isa, Sora, Riku Relationship: LeaIsa, (non-mentioned) SoRiKai Word Count: 1583
Note: I’m gonna be doing more of this AU, keep an eye out. I have a lot planned. Lea + Isa picture here. Other mermaid information here. I’m reposting to try to get this into the search because for some reason the first try wasn’t.
“Hey, Isa, you remember that time I almost killed you?”
“You’re going to have to be more specific than that, Lea. You do that regularly.”
Lea rolled his eyes and swam up and above Isa, reaching down and dangling his arms in front of his best friend as they swam together. He silently recalled when he had to be more careful around Isa, glad for that time being over. “Nah, you know what I mean. I’ve never actually almost killed you.”
“Didn’t you just ask about the time you did?”
“Yeah, yeah. I know.”
“I need you to think for a second, just a second. Why would I forget one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had?” Isa paused his swimming and let Lea circle back so he could still be talking to Isa while looking down from above.
“I was kinda hoping you’d still be unwilling to say it like that, but you’re right. I was just thinking about how glad I am that I can touch you now.”
Isa reached up to prick his finger against one of Lea’s spines, it barely felt like anything after years of getting used to it.“It’s been ages, aren’t you used to being able to touch me without being incredibly careful by now?”
“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me happy.”
Isa laughed and looked up at Lea, reaching up and cupping his face to make sure they locked eyes. He couldn’t deny Lea being so outwardly sentimental was something he loved about him. “What was your point, Lea? Did you have one or did you just want to be a dork?”
Lea moved his hand over Isa’s and smiled. “I’m just thinking about it. I was really scared you weren’t going to be my friend anymore because of that and here we are, you’re in love with me and-”
“Don’t know who said that.”
“And I love you.”
“As you should.”
“You refused to let me know you were hurting that bad, you were really strong. You’re always so strong. I just love you.”
“Sappy. Is something going on?”
“No. I really was just thinking about how nice it is to not have that happen anymore. No poisoning my friend with hugs. Now I just bother my boyfriend by being clingy.”
“Sounds like you’ve had a couple changes, then. Why are we just talking about the almost killing me part of the story?”
“Because I’m trying to get to a point.”
“You said you didn’t have one.”
“Ugh! Just stop making fun of me for two seconds. You’re obnoxious.”
“Oh? Am I really the obnoxious one?”
“Yes! Why do I even like you?”
“I’m told you’re in love.”
“Wish I wasn’t in love with someone so mean to me.”
“I’m not mean to you. I could be. Do you want me to be mean to you?”
“No. Isa.”
“Then you know I’m being as nice as I can be?”
“Isa, can you just shut up and let me talk?”
“Hah, you think I’m able to keep you from talking? You?”
“Alright, shut up.”
“Really rude to keep saying that.” Moving up in the water to press his lips to Lea’s for a moment, Isa laughed. “You like hearing me talk. You enjoy my voice.”
“If you’d let me get to my point, Isa.” He left emphasis on the second syllable as he waited to be interrupted. When there was no interruption, he sighed. “I’ve been thinking about that because of how many things we still do come from not being able to touch you. When you kiss me outside of saying hey, it makes me remember watching Aeleus help you into the castle when I hugged you. Y’know, that should’ve had you paralyzed?”
“Yes, I’m aware. Are we really going over some backstory? Can’t we just continue this swim, head up to the beach, and relax there while it’s empty?”
“Am I not allowed to talk to my best friend anymore?”
“You are, but your boyfriend is getting impatient.”
“Then tell him to stop being an asshole.”
“He’s not about to listen, he’s just as stubborn as you are. Now, seriously, come on. There’s nothing we can’t talk about while relaxing somewhere even just a little safer than open ocean between islands.”
“Fine.”
“And I bet you don’t remember what your point was anyways.”
“I just told you what it was.”
“Oh? Was that it?”
“I hate you.”
Isa laughed and rolled his eyes, deciding to let that empty statement stand, returning to the other part of what he’d been saying. “We wouldn’t be between islands if you just remembered where we were going.”
“You could’ve told me I was swimming the wrong way.”
“You’re almost always ahead of me. It’s your fault for going so far so fast.”
“You could’ve noticed.”
“Excuse me for trusting the one who decided to take the lead.”
“You weren’t even trusting me, I know you better than that.”
“Fine, I was laughing at you for going the wrong way, but we didn’t run into any humans with nets, so it’s fine.”
“If that’s your metric, then, yeah, I guess. You sure you’re going to be fine doing your job when we get back?”
“If I’m too tired for the day, the world won’t fall apart if I don’t go in.”
“But you will.”
“Yes, I will. Of course I will. You will too.”
“Nah, I’m gonna skip out. Be irresponsible and sleep all day. Place won’t fall apart without me.”
Isa rolled his eyes and wrapped his hands around Lea’s wrists carefully, webbing between his fingers getting in the way of a full and comfortable grasp. He wasn’t going to say it aloud, but he really did want to just sit on the beach with Lea and look up at the moon until they were too dry to stay on land. “Lea, start moving, I want to get home eventually, but the moon is full tonight.”
“You’re the one who stopped?”
Isa didn’t respond to Lea and instead opted to swimming forward with a small tug of Lea’s arms before letting go to continue swimming. He could be much faster when he wanted to be, a tuna tail was much better suited to going quickly than anyone who had only met Isa alone would be led to believe. Lea had to fight to keep up with Isa.
“Hey, Isa, slow down.”
“You can keep up, I believe in you.”
“Why am I dating you?”
“Why am I dating someone so slow?”
“Ugh! Fine. I don’t want to race, though, so slow down a little bit?”
Isa fell back, swimming at Lea’s pace and bumping their hips together. Lea still had the tendency to be careful around other people, despite Isa being all but completely immune to his sting because of the constant exposure. Isa had no such care. Lea responded to the bump by wrapping his tail around Isa’s, taking a position most used for comfortable relaxing while not moving.
“You really don’t want to let me see the moon above the water tonight, do you?”
“We’re still moving. You know how to pull me around, I know you do.”
“You’re lucky your tail isn’t as short as your dad’s is.”
“And you’re not. Pull me along.”
“Don’t be lazy.”
“Too late. I’m comfortable. And I know you can do this for a significantly longer time.”
Isa just sighed, shaking his head at Lea’s dorky actions. He loved Lea a great deal, but sometimes it was difficult… this was not one of those times, Isa found, as he glanced back to look at Lea’s smirk.
They didn’t have that far to go, so the rest of their swim was in silence. They pulled themselves onto the deserted beach carefully and hacked the water up out of their lungs.
As soon as they were comfortably on the beach and breathing air, Lea flopped backwards into the sand and groaned. “I will never be used to that.”
“What?”
“Having to cough up that much water.”
“You’ll never get used to anything different than your first two years alive, will you?”
“Oh, shut up. You wanted to lay here and talk and look at the moon, so lay down with me.”
Isa rolled his eyes and laid down next to Lea, holding his arm out so he could be leaned against if Lea decided he wanted to. And of course Lea wanted to.
Just as Lea got comfortable, there was a sound of footsteps that was just too close for comfort. Lea moved away and began to slide back into the water and Isa followed behind him.
They got into the water just as a pair of human children locked eyes with them.
“Wait, no, don’t go!” One of the children called out to the mermaids, reaching his hand out only to have the other grab him and hold him back.
“Sora, leave them alone. Kairi didn’t want to be seen either.”
“Yeah, but… We’re friendly.”
The mermaids stared at the gently arguing children in confusion, slowly backing up in the water so they could have a good distance between them. Where had they picked up this human language?
Suddenly, Lea realized the humans had said a name.
“...Did you say Kairi?” Lea was too curious to continue the act of self preservation Isa was still anxious to do, but not without Lea. He knew that and he could see Isa ready to bolt, but he needed to know.
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murdocsmacattack · 6 years
Text
the reason im not afraid of 3x10/3x11 and the reason 3x10/3x11 needs to happen
so ,the name at the very least ,for what will ether be ep 310 or 311 has been revealed "mac+fallout+jack" and for pretty understandable and obvious reasons its left 99.9% of the fandom with a seance of foreboding especially given mac and jacks interactions resent episodes ,
however im not afraid , and, i may be giving the writers to much credit with what we've been getting and all, but last time in season 2 when i gave the writers some credit , we actually  came pretty cloes to what i was thinking , so im going out on this limb again , and i hope you'll hear me out , because were dealing with the bromance slash surrogate father relationship of jack and mac , and this area at least the writers have always gotten 99.9% right ..with ..a few hiccups here and there but you get what i mean , so what am i getting at?    
the offness were apparently ALL picking up when it comes to mac and jack..is being done on purpose.
why do i think this ? well its a bit long and briefly personal , but art imitates life and there is a point so i hope you bear with me,a little while back around 302 i did a post about the reaction of the fandome to mac leaving, coming back , and still wanting to leave again , where i basically stated the former
"i think the problem is a lot of people are looking at the situation through “mac” colored glasses so to speak like “oh macs so sweet and so strong , so clearly this isn’t him , this is childish ,his friends are going to easy on him , hes a compartmentalize mac would never do this , hes not allowed to act like this!”"
and im not saying everyone whose coming to the “macs being a dick ” conclusion is completely wrong , but i truly still stand by the believe that his actions are more of a gray area then were giving it credit for , and ill get into that and why its important in a sec but first , lets look at jack  
the thing is , after reading a lot of my fellow fans feelings and reactions and mulling over my own thoughts , i think people are seeing jack through jack colored glasses as well, see jack discovered something about himself in 301  when it comes to mac , something i just assumed everyone else saw even tho it was subtle, and its something about himself that knowing jacks character he doesn’t much care for      
in 301 it was ether riley or bozer who stated "jack didnt care where you were , as long as he knew you were happy " witch as far as there relationship has gone thus far , has been the assumed status quo between them and towards each other, but then we see jacks actions, and hear his own words when he finally comes face to face with mac after there months apart
"I was gonna hunt down and capture Walsh.Yeah, I kind of figured if I collared your old man's ex-partner, I don't know, he'd just retire.And-and then you could return to the Phoenix."
"You know, you did save my life, pal, but I could argue that I'm saving yours as well.Rescued you from a life of misery, - wasting your talents. '
" the world needs you, Mac.And you owe it to the world to work for the Phoenix."
jack goes on to tell mac his main reason along with the ones stated above was jack was doing what he always does , protecting him , but having had this short conversation and hearing his thoughts out loud AND judging from jakcs reaction to mac coming to find him at the airstrip in the next episode , jack realized somethings after having time to mull over his own words
1 that mac being happy , alone, isn't enough
like riley said ,jack knew mac was relatively happy, he had his first steady girlfriend that hasn't tried to kill him , and tho not in any war zones , was still using his gifts to help people , he was healing and happy to the point he was considering not coming back , and i honesty don't believe this was an easy choice or taken lightly on macs part, whose the type of person who wont leave a house he loves despite the fact its literally unsafe, mac had to be happy in a real kinda way to come to this decision , and jack must have known that
but jack still cant fully accept that , hed rather have mac happy AND be with him , then only the former , jack assumes mac is "living a life of misery " because jack is miserable without him , and in that dialog jack admits this to mac and himself out loud for what is probably the first time  
this revelation is so hard on jack , because knowing jack he no doubt thinks this is very wrong of him to feel , jack views riles and mac as his children , but because he hasn't had biological kids of his own for a long and continues amount of time , jack doesn’t understand that theses feeling of a parent in relation to there child are completely normal ,every parent struggles with the balancing act of wanting there child to be happy , and also wanting the child they've raised to be near them
in jakcs mind hes come to the unwanted conclusion that when it comes to mac , he can be greedy and even a little selfish , even if that isn't entirely true and even if mac himslef may not actually feel that way , its how jack is seeing himself now and its put him on edge in concerns to mac
2 jack thinks macs dads physical presence is the only problem
jack and his own father had a completely different relationship in comparison to mac and his dad , but its influencing a lot of jakcs actions , jakcs convinced if big mac is out the building mac will have no problem walking back in , but that's not the real issue ,witch brings us to mac himself and the main problem when it comes to him and his relation to the people around him ,witch is ?
mac is emotionally distancing himself..because his emotions are being disregarded .
macs life was truly torn apart last season after what his father did, hes left  feeling the crushing weight of looking at any and i mean any aspect of his life , and feeling like it doesn’t belong to him ,most likely to the point were doing anything that reminds him of those feelings may even be physically painful , no really , i want you all to imagine building something real that you thought was amazing for years and then having someone tell you “no you didnt do any of that , none of that’s real , you’d have nothing without me ”
god guys its..skin crawling ,and mac was crawling in his own to the point he felt he had to leave the continent to get away from it,of cores macs not acting like who he is , he suddenly has to question every aspect of what that is, mac was faced with a real identity crisis ,and i know for people who haven’t run this kinda race that’s a hard thing to understand , to understand having such a great support system to fall back on ,and not being able to reach out to it , but its a real thing ,and its actually a pretty accurate picture of someone not being able to see past it when there in that much pain , because that’s what this is its pain ,and quite frankly macs handling it better then i did      
i did what mac did to the people around me ,only i didnt have to leave my room to do it, but i was given that space and all the time i needed  to mentally and emotionally heal, the problem is, mac wasn't, not really , mac thought hed found a woman and a purpose, and that was it, hes good , but that's not who mental health works , and it really doesn’t help , that macs kind of the martyr of the group , thanks to his dad mac was pretty much a parentified child from the time he was 10 hes been putting everyone else’s feelings and well-being before himslef for a looong time
and because that was his default setting within the group , it became a shock when mac did something drastic for his own good that put himself first , and weather we or the characters like it or not , that distance was needed, and the slow healing that was happening was cut short, and then he comes back and jack tells him in his own words that he wants him with him to the point of putting him self in harms way , because he knows mac will turn around and put himslef last to save him ,and mac doesn't know what emotionally to do with this , because macs not used to being so wanted , but hes still not healed and being around his father is still hard so he goes to leave again , but then murdoc happens  and mac puts himslef to the back again because someone died , witch brings us to the big point of why "mac+fallout+jack" needs to happen
mac and jack still arn’t right with themselves..and there not talking about it 
mac tries , weakly , at the end of 302 , but jack cuts it down and says there fine , and mac in turn says the same , becaues both of them don't want to acknowledge that something no matter how tiny between them has fractured , but this moment where they both chose not to talk is what sets the tone going forward , jack doesn't let himslef be as close to or open with mac as he was before , and macs feelings, especially when it comes to his father , continue to be pushed aside or misinterpreted ,so mac emotionally distances himslef from everyone and everything and says nothing ,and why would he , mac put his own feeling first , for the first time ..and it was met with a very negative reaction
but they need to have this conversation , and the only thing that may very well bring that about at this point with them playing pretend ,is that mac needs to have an emotional blow up ,hes been pushing all this shit down from all sides and its really been fucking with him , its been a long time coming and there needs to be screaming and crying and yelling , and it may be painful to watch and painful to hear , they may not talk for a day or 2 , but this needs to happen , they need to lay it all out and get themselves right so they can be right together  
mac and jack have both been disillusioned with there seance of self , even if the things they now believe about themselves arnt exactly true , its made them loose the equilibrium within there relationship that has been there constant , their off ,and they need to find each other again.
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owakoblack-portspa · 6 years
Text
A Dream of Bethlehem
Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Pairings: Knights Hospitaller x Knights Templar; Prussia x South Italy
Characters: Teutonic Knights/Prussia (Gilbert),  Knights Templar (Chris),  Knights Hospitaller (Giovanni),  Kingdom of Sicily/South Italy (Lovino)
1
It is not a very good day to go to Acre, not a very good day at all, people warn little Gilbert. The deeper you go into the city, the more dangerous it becomes, people say. But I am a knight, I am not afraid, Gilbert braces himself. He has seen blood flowing like a river, he has seen corpses piling up a mountain, but he has never seen a hell like this, right in the heart of the capital of the Holy Land. In the streets of Acre, where Christians fight Christians, where brothers kill brothers, homicide and fratricide become natural, even though themselves are not natural at all--it is not a holy land, it is a wild world inhabited by evils. To Gilbert’s utter disgust, after the fall of the Genoese flag, advance the crimson Hospitaller banner and a group of knights in black uniforms into the burning street. ‘Wait, can’t you spare the citizens’ houses?’ Gilbert stands in front of the charging army, but he is unwilling to draw up his sword. ‘And can’t you see the Venetians are our enemies? Step aside, child!’ a tall Hospitaller waves his naked sword towards the little albino. A heavy sound of two clashing swords--a white knight shields Gilbert from the gigantic man, and a string of blood instantly spills onto the red petit cross embroidered on the chest. Even though his left palm is pierced by the sword, and an ugly, bloody hole appears as his enemy’s sword is swiftly and cruelly drawn away, the knight does not show any sign of fear, and quite on the contrary, his angelic face still keeps on smiling. ‘Brother Chris!’ ‘Christien!’
Two boys cry out at the same time. As Gilbert is lying on the ground and Chris is standing in front of him to protect, Giovanni appears just in time, his handsome face furious and sweaty. ‘Stop! The little one is the Teutonic Knights! Our ward!’ Giovanni shouts angrily to the tall Hospitaller. The anonymous Hospitaller sheathes his sword immediately, despite Giovanni the teenager looks much younger than him. ‘I’m sorry, Your Eminence,’ the Hospitaller now looks pallid and trembles like a leaf, ‘I didn’t mean to hurt His Eminence the Order of the Temple, but...’ ‘It’s nothing.’ Chris waves his injured palm impatiently to everyone, smiling as usual, ‘I love playing the role of a martyr. I am so glad that I protected little Gil, in spite of the fact that YOU are his guardian, Gio.’ Giovanni can tell the satire in Chris’ words, but he is not going to argue with a wounded person--after all, his another profession is doctor. ‘Let me see your wound, Christien.’ Giovanni’s voice becomes softer, but firm. ‘I’ve told you it’s nothing.’ Chris’ face becomes paler as he draws his sword in a position of defence, his flaming purple eyes threatening, ‘If you dare to touch me, I’ll revenge myself on you now!’ Giovanni stops short, staring at the blond with sudden coldness, ‘I won’t if I can.’ Then he turns to Gilbert, and raises up the little boy, ‘Are you alright, Gilbert? I’ve promised the Kingdom of Sicily to take care of you. I hope you’re not hurt.’ ‘Don’t treat me like a child!’ Gilbert’s reddened eyes make him look more like a rabbit, and he jumps high to protest. Giovanni does not take his protest seriously. He simply holds up Gilbert’s clenching hand, and retreats with his army, without casting another look at Chris, who remains standing in silence .
‘Brother Gio, can’t you treat Brother Chris a little better? He has saved me! And of all things, why do you two fight each other? You both are christian military orders!’ At the Hospitaller headquarters, Gilbert enquires. ‘The Knights Templar are stronger than us. If we don’t fight to protect ourselves, we’ll be destroyed by them.’ Giovanni replies calmly. ‘Why do the Knights Templar want to destroy you? Brother Chris in fact is very kind-hearted. Even though he knows I am on your side, he teaches me combat skills...hoops!’ Gilbert just realises that he has leaked the secret between Chris and himself. ‘Gilbert, you know I’m not happy to hear this. I hope you won’t betray me as you’ve developed a good relationship with my archrival.’
It has been a week since Chris was injured, and since that day, Gilbert has been bringing medicine to the Templar castle on Giovanni’s command as a punishment of his ‘betrayal’. What Giovanni requires Gilbert to keep in mind, is that Gilbert must not let Chris know who is actually prescribing medications. However, in the end, Gilbert cannot help telling the truth to Chris, ‘Brother Chris, I really hope you can stop fighting with Brother Gio. You see, he regrets what he’s done to you, and sends...’ ‘I hope Gio is not behind this, otherwise I will not accept medicine from you any more.’ Chris interrupts quickly. ‘Why do you hate Brother Gio so much, Brother Chris?’ ‘I hate him for not sending me medicine, and I will hate him more if he asks you to send me medicine. In sum, I just hate him.’ Chris strokes his bandaged left palm with tender passion, but Gilbert is too young to observe this detail or understand these words.
After this street fight, the two gangs seem to have ceased fire for a while, not only because one of their leaders is injured, but also because the festive spirit is approaching. In the Cathedral of Acre, people busy themselves with the preparation of the biggest event of the year--Christmas. The interior of the church is semi-decorated, and still more flowers and plants are coming. ‘Gilbert, have you understood the ceremony process that I’ve just told you?’ Giovanni bends down to speak in the ear of the absent-minded little knight. Both of them stand beside the alter. Gilbert jumps, and finally turns his attention from revery to the taller knight, ‘Sorry, what did you just say?’ ‘Could you tell me why you can’t take your eyes off the audience seats in the church? Are you expecting someone?’ Giovanni frowns. ‘Brother Gio, do you know if Frater will visit Acre for Christmas?’ Gilbert asks carefully. ‘Yes, the Kingdom of Sicily told so me in a letter. And he will attend the Christmas mass as well.’ On hearing the news, Gilbert reacts dramatically: firstly his jaw drops, then his grin broadens, and finally he raises his hands high up in the air, ‘Hallelujah! What a good tiding!’ ‘Calm down yourself, Gilbert! Shouting is forbidden in the church. And if you don’t want Sicily to be disappointed with you, you have to work hard in preparation, understood? It’s your first time to celebrate Christmas, there’re many things for you to learn.’ ‘I know, I know! I’ll work hard for Frater, and on Christmas I’m going to pay my homage to Frater, and then I’ll become a real knight! I’m so awesome! Everything’s going to be perfect! Kesesese!’ Gilbert laughs happily. ‘Don’t be too proud, Gilbert. You have to work hard to achieve your goal. Remember: no pain, no gain.’ ‘But there’s someone lazier than me! Even though Brother Chris’ wound is getting much better, he never comes to the rehearsal, and he’s going to sing in the choir!’ ‘Christien’s done the mass many times so he doesn’t need much rehearsing, and in fact, I don’t think he wants to see me.’ Giovanni looks at the choir practicing singing in a corner of the church, which is consisted of young boys in white dresses. The most beautiful one is missing, just as he has expected.
2
The Cathedral of Acre has already been enunciated with devout Christians hours before the bells announce the approach of Christmas and the beginning of the Christmas Midnight Mass. The interior of the cathedral is full of the festive spirit, decorated with myriads of flowers, draperies, hangings, ribbons, and candles, making this spacious sacred place shine with all colours of the solar spectrum. Now the congregation is holding its breath to hear the steps of the approaching holy moment, that is to say, waiting for the mass procession enter into the nave. After the bells strike twelve times, silence remains as if time stood still, so everybody turns their head to the church entrance to look for the priests and professed knights. After several seconds pass, finally, to everyone’s relief, the door opens, and a group of people in surplice solemnly walk in. At the head of them is little Gilbert with silver hair and red-pupiled eyes, swinging from side to side a golden, smoking censer in his hands. The little albino holds his chin high and looks straight ahead, so even the distant audience can tell from his rigid movements and his slightly reddened physiognomy that he is at the moment very nervous. Many in the congregation do know that for this new-born German military order, it must be his first time to perform holy services in such a big event, and accordingly they understand his nervousness and cross their fingers to pray for his success in the debut. Among the understanding, kind-hearted people, is Lovino, the Kingdom of Sicily, who comes all the way from Palermo for this special occasion, and who now sticks his little brown head out from the crowd into the aisle covered with red carpets, which makes him so distinct that even Gilbert’s sweat-filmed eyes cannot prevent the little knight from noticing this great kingdom from afar. Consequently, Gilbert starts short, as if petrified, but Lovino is no malicious Medusa--quite on the contrary, he is the most amiable personage here, so he tries to unlock the magic spell by waving his little hand and smiling sweetly to his little knight, to salute, and to encourage him. However, for Gilbert, this is more like an ignition before an explosion than a mere encouragement, for in response, stuffed of energy, he sets himself off high in the air like a rocket, the censer in his hands swinging like a mad turning wheel, spilling hot incense everywhere. All at once a commotion is caused--people sitting nearby the aisle stand up to run, only to find that within such a dense crowd running is almost impossible, thus some panic is caused as well. At this critical moment, Giovanni, who walks beside the bishop in the middle of the procession, dashes out to catch the censer which now is flying out of Gilbert’s hands, and fortunately, after the catch, he is agile enough to regain his balance in time, and stands upright with the golden censer safely contained in his hands. He makes some effort to restrain himself from panting heavily, and immediately resumes his solemn, imperturbable look to hide his shock of this unexpected episode. Realising what has just happened, Gilbert becomes the most panicked person in the cathedral. He dare not look at Lovino’s face to see his disappointment, so he looks down onto the floor, feeling too shameful for himself to move. Seeing this, Giovanni pats Gilbert’s shoulder from behind to urge him to proceed, otherwise the procession would be blocked even though Gilbert is short and tiny. Accordingly Gilbert moves on, and from now on, he becomes half absent-minded for his sense of guilt, head drooping. Despite this, the following process goes on smoothly, the episode is soon forgotten, the audience watch the performance of the servers quietly, listen to the priests’ sermons attentively, and respond by saying ‘amen’ when their heart is quite touched. However, Gilbert’s tribulations are not yet finished. As a novice, he is to give a speech in front of the holy altar, in the face of the public. It is a narration of the nativity, which should have been already familiar to any christian, so before the mass, Gilbert was so confident that he did not bring the script with him. Now, it is high time for Gilbert’s speech, and for the sake of the sense of guilt he is still sweating heavily as if he had just been fished out from the sea: ‘It was...it was in the year of four before Christ, before Christ was born. (A pause.) On the day when Christ was born, Mary found no place to lie down herself and give birth to her child, so she just...she just lied down on the floor, (some hiss from the audience) and she saw stars shining bright in the sky. Oh, I forget to say, (laugh from the audience) there was an angel coming from the sky to tell her that the child is the savior of mankind. So back to the night when Jesus was born, there were three magicians...(somebody hoots)’ Finally Gilbert’s frustrated voice seems to fade away, and people can hardly hear what the little knight is saying, and neither can they see his mouth moving, for he persists in hanging his head down. Lovino, who sits in the front row for the prerogatives possessed by such a great kingdom like him, clasps his hands all the time to pray for Gilbert, and he even dare not bat his big, radiant eyes lest they would distract his knight, but it seems all his prayers are in vain. Giovanni, who stands righteously and solemnly among the priests and servers, is as anxious as Lovino from the bottom of his heart. ‘Can anyone please do something?’ he asked without producing a sound.
‘--Long time ago in Bethlehem So the Holy Bible say Mary’s boy child, Jesus Christ Was born on Christmas day.’
Suddenly, people hear someone singing. At first, people think it is the ringing sound of a crystal stream, for it is so limpid, so pure; and then, when they realise that it is from above, they take it as the voice of an angel, for it is so beautiful and so unearthly, like a beam of light piercing through thick clouds to warm the earth, to fill everyone’s heart with bliss. While the confused audience are looking about themselves, only Giovanni immediately finds out whence the voice is from--he has heard this voice on every Christmas, and yet he still can hardly believe it--as soon as he hears the singing, he raises his head and looks up to the carved balcony facing the altar where he is standing by, and sure enough, he sees a thin, pale figure stand out of the choir boys, beneath the enormous silver organ. It is Chris who is singing. He is clad in white, laced surplice, his pale countenance becomes more tender in the radiance from the white texture, and his soft, curly blond hair makes him shine like a midnight sun. He is not yet grown up, his delicate human form hardly tells his gender, and therefore he looks more beautiful than any man or woman, and so clinks his sweet, heavenly singing voice. Here he stands, so pure he looks, so angelically he sings, even Giovanni has to admit that on this particular occasion, if Chris were not the messenger from God, he cannot tell who this sweet creature could be. ‘It’s the Knights Templar!’ a little girl cries out happily, and her mother quickly quiets her. Even Gilbert looks up from the floor to the balcony gratefully as if he has found his savior, so continues Chris:
‘While shepherds watched their flocks by night Them see a bright new shining star Them hear a choir sing The music seemed to come from afar.
Now, Joseph and his wife, Mary Come to Bethlehem that night Them find no place to born she child Not a single room was in sight.
By and by, they find a little nook In a stable all forlorn And in a manger cold and dark Mary’s little Boy was born.’
The choir boys standing behind Chris, who are also sweet-looking, though not as beautiful as he, begin to sing harmoniously, and all the people in the cathedral sing along:
‘Hark, now hear the angels sing A new king born today And man will live forevermore Because of Christmas day.’
Now everyone rejoices again, because they take part in such a beautiful choir led by an angel, and has never felt so close to God before.
In many aspects, the midnight mass is as successful as last year, so afterwards everybody goes home happily. However, in a dark corner of the sacristy, Gilbert is found sobbing quietly. Because others are gone, only Giovanni and Chris see him. Chris bends down over Gilbert, beaming innocently as ever, and says cheerfully, ‘Gil, don’t cry, it’s Christmas!’ ‘I’m so stupid, I know nothing of Christmas! I’m not fit for being a knight!’ Gilbert tries to conceal his tearful face by burying it between his crouching knees. Even though Giovanni was unhappy for Gilbert’s failures of performance at tonight’s mass, which he believes are the results of Gilbert’s arrogance and ignorance of his persuasion, his benign heart is touched by the little one’s sadness and frustration, so he attempts to comfort Gilbert: ‘To err is human. If you learn from experience, you’ll be forgiven.’ Nevertheless, Giovanni’s austere tone makes Gilbert feel more miserable, ‘Forgiven? Will I be forgiven by Frater? Perhaps I can’t never become his knight!’ ‘Gio, you frightened little Gil!’ Chris criticises his big rival, and continues to console Gilbert by an even more tender voice, ‘come on, Gil, I’ll show you something. I’m sure you’ll learn Christmas by heart. Don’t worry.’ He winks, stands up, and leads Gilbert to the courtyard of the cathedral. Giovanni does not trust Chris, so he follows them into the cool midnight air. Standing under the purple starry sky, Chris brings out from his pocket a plain stone cup. ‘I’m going to use this to bring us to the night when our Lord Jesus Christ was born. You can come with us if you want, Gio.’ ‘Wait, is this...the Holy Grail?’ Giovanni is astonished. ‘Exactly.’ Chris replies matter-of-factly. ‘I didn’t know you possess it.’ Giovanni says darkly, and quickly makes the sign of the cross. In secret, he feels his stomach aching--how come his rival obtains the most sacred relic in the christian world? ‘You don’t have to know everything,’ smiles Chris. It happens very fast. After a flash of blinding light, the three knights are altogether brought to another time and place. The time is still night, but the environment is changed into a dry, rocky wild land. ‘Look! There’s the bright shining star!’ Chris points to the enormous brilliant star hanging in the eastern sky. ‘What does this mean?’ Gilbert is bewildered by this strange environment. ‘Gilbert, how many times have I told you to read the Bible more carefully?’ Giovanni’s austere look makes Gilbert wince. ‘Relax, Gio. It’s the Holy Night, let’s behold the miracle!’ Chris leads the group to walk in the direction of the bright star. After a while, they see a manger at the top of a hill. ‘Is it...?’ Gilbert is shushed abruptly by Giovanni. The three of them carefully approach the manger on tiptoe. The manger basks in the bright shining star right above, so they can see the scene clearly: Mary has just now given birth to baby Jesus, who is sleeping comfortably in his mother’s arms, and Joseph stands by them, watching the baby with great interest and affection. Noticing people approaching, Mary is alert, but as soon as she sees these people are three good-looking young boys in some kind of cassocks, she smiles and gestures them to come closer. ‘Our Lord Jesus, we’ve come to worship you.’ Both Giovanni and Chris kneel down before the little baby who opens his beautiful eyes to look upon them curiously. After realising who the baby is, Gilbert imitates his brothers to fall on kneels, not without clumsiness. Seeing this, Mary smiles affectionately to the timid little knight, and says, ‘thank you for visiting us in such a bleak winter night. Don’t be anxious, little knight, baby Jesus is very happy to see you.’ Gilbert looks up to see Mary’s smiling face, and sees a mother in her, a mother he has never had, or met, in his life. Suddenly, the albino bursts into tears, ‘oh Mother, Mother!’ Mary pats Gilbert’s silver head, speaks to him in a voice so gentle as if singing a lullaby, ‘little child, you have such beautiful hair. Don’t cry, you’ll be loved.’ It is Gilbert’s first time to be praised by someone for his hair--being an albino, he has been jeered and teased all his life. It is not necessary to describe how happy Gilbert is in seeing the Holy Virgin, and he lays his head upon her knees. Meanwhile, Giovanni finds Chris’ pale face full of tears too. Before the little Lord, the beautiful knight clasps his hands tightly while on his knees--he looks so pious, so humble that he makes this moment divine. Unconsciously, Giovanni wears a smile on his face-- O Silent Night! O Holy Night!
On the next morning, Gilbert is woken up by a familiar voice: ‘Gil, wake up! Are you alright?’ When he opens his eyes, he sees Lovino shaking his shoulder anxiously. Thus he sits up abruptly, ‘Frater! Why are you here?’ ‘Dear Gil! I was worried about you so I came to the morning mass early to see if you’re alright, but I didn’t know you slept in the courtyard over night!’ Lovino exclaims, ‘it is not good! You’ll catch cold!’ His puffing face is on the brink of tears. It is Gilbert’s turn to feel worried too, for his heart will break if he sees Lovino cry. ‘Dear Frater, I’m totally fine, so please don’t cry!’ he holds Lovino’s little hand, faking a smile to comfort him, ‘I spent a whole night with Brother Gio and Brother Chris to worship little Lord Jesus in Bethlehem, you have to know how happy I am! Please don’t worry about me!’ ‘Really?’ Lovino’s watery emerald eyes look into Gilbert’s rubies, and he sees truthfulness in them, ‘good, then. But where are Gio and Chris?’ Both of them look around. Beside the wall of the cathedral, they see Giovanni and Chris lying down there, holding each other’s body closely as if to keep warm and sleep more comfortably. Hearing noises, the two sleepy knights are awakened--it is not difficult to imagine the surprised look on their faces. However, instead of letting out a shriek or kicking each other away, in peace, they exchange morning greetings: ‘Morning, Gio.’ Chris smiles like an angel waking up from his sweetest dream. ‘Good morning, Christien.’ Giovanni blushes. He will never admit that it is Chris’ crystal purple eyes that make his heart beat fast, and he feels a little reluctant to let Chris’ warm body leave his arms when both of them get back to their feet. ‘Christien, wait!’ ‘What?’ Chris quickly turns back to face Giovanni, his huge eyes sparkling. ‘I want to apologise for the wound in your palm. I should have stopped my people hurting you.’ Giovanni smites his handsome brow. ‘It’s not your fault,’ Chris smiles mildly, ‘and I want to thank you for healing me.’ ‘You know the medicine was sent by me?’ ‘Of course, do you forget how long we’ve known each other? And as I’m your archrival, who do you think could know you better than me?’ Smiling mysteriously, Chris briskly wheels around. Without knowing why, Giovanni suddenly feels a special attachment to his rival and comrade, so he instinctively follows Chris’ white robe, which is billowing in the wind like an angel’s enormous wings. Later on, in the Christmas morning mass, people are surprised to see the two long-term rivals stand side by side in the procession, and even exchange friendly looks at intervals during the liturgy. ‘It happens once a year that the two great military orders make a truce. After all, it’s Christmas, it’s time for peace, for forgiveness, and for love.’ Among the audience, some Venetians whisper quietly, and then they shake hands with their Genoese neighbours. As for Gilbert, this time, he has done much better especially in the narration of the nativity. When the mass is done and the cathedral becomes empty, he cautiously kneels down before Lovino, ‘dear Frater, I want to be your knight, but I’m not yet perfect--could you wait until I’m fit?’ ‘I don’t need you to be perfect. Whenever you feel yourself is ready, I’ll be ready to take you as my knight.’ Lovino blushes. ‘I promise it won’t be too long, Frater.’ Gilbert tenderly kisses Lovino’s hand.
(End)
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holydepths-blog · 5 years
Note
✩ jt & sienna
my wrist hurts from typing so eat ass 
Disagreements:
Who is more likely to raise their voice? sienna … like we get it he’s in a gang so he has to b mean to other people but both of them know she’ll kill him if he ever talks to her loudly in any capacity Who threatens to leave but never actually does? i feel like he’s a dramatic mf … like ummmm i can go any time i WANT to im not actually ur bf !! and she’s like yeah ur right leave and he goes :pensive: Who actually keeps their word and leaves? sienna . she would storm out of her own house for dramatic effect .  my girl doesn’t give a fuck Who trashes the house? she’ll throw sum at him …. prolly a pillow , she doesn’t need a lawsuit on her hands Do either of them get physical? not to imply domestic abuse is ever laughable but if (when? we dk) she ever came @ him … it’d be funny cos he cld literally just push against her forehead and her arms would not reach him How often do they argue/disagree? all the time, she disagrees simply to disagree w him Who is the first to apologise? her, solely because she’s Antagonistic on purpose and then feels bad 
Sex: 
Who is on top? she wants to take a ride on his disco stick Who is on the bottom? u heard me Who has the strangest desires? they both think the other person’s entirely normal behavior is freaky . jt wants to snuggle ? sienna: tf are we , puritans ? Any kinks? i refuse to take the bdsm test for her because i’m scared of what i’ll find so come back to me on this one Who’s dominant in bed? it’s exhausting being dominant in everything else so he takes the w on this one Is head ever in the equation? yethIf so, who is better at performing it? his beard is itchy so he compensates by being really fucking good at it Ever had sex in public? yes. they’ve had sex in the back room of the thrift shop more than they have upstairs in her apartment Who moans the most? can he shut the frick up Who leaves the most marks? sienna…………………………………. dont askWho screams the loudest? can SHE shut the frick up ….Who is the more experienced of the two? idk how experienced he is probably very but it’s important for me that u know she’s a whore Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? they frick Rough or soft? r**gh …. once a month she’s uwu ….How long do they usually last? for a long time , her poor thrussy Is protection used? yes. she’d kill herself before she got pregnant Does it ever get boring? no Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? they’ve had sex anywhere and everywhere 
Family:
Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? she would literally rather DIE than be pregnant. FOR THE PURPOSES of this section … they adopt (one) kid when they’re too old to be raising a tot but still try, don’t @ me. If so, how many children do your muses want/have? her ? none lol but AGAIN … i cannot leave this section blank and …. future purposes dont @ meWho is the favorite parent? sienna’s not a regular mom, she’s a cool momWho is the authoritative parent? she’s also a bitch though, don’t forget it Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? jt , mostly because sienna doesn’t want them around all day Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? SIENNA  …. yeah sorry that i don’t think it’s jordan ‘waahhh sienna i don’t want you to get mercury poisoning’ tucker …. mind ur fucking business maybe ? Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? sienna , but she drags jt with her so she has someone to bitch about soccer moms and how long [ insert activity here ] is running with Who goes to parent teacher interviews? jt , sienna isn’t allowed there anymore. it’s a long story. Who changes the diapers? bold of u to assume she would ever go NEAR a diaperWho gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? she’s fully decided she is INDEPENDENT and does not NEED him to wake up for moral support or to warm up a bottle … her tit is good enough Who spends the most time with the children? jt , she’s an ankle biter anti . ( she still  reads the kid bedtime stories every night )Who packs their lunch boxes? jt , sienna is not allowed to make health choices for ANYONE Who gives their children ‘the talk’? SIENNA … she tells them flat out what happens and why it happens , no bullshit . science babey ! Who cleans up after the kids? nothing ever gets cleaned up , ever. Who worries the most? jt . sienna is too cool and chill 2 have anxiety Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? SIENNA 
Affection:
Who likes to cuddle? he does … she’s super handsy casually but whenever it comes to actually hugging she takes a bit to warm up to it Who is the little spoon? she is …. he’s only allowed 2 snuggle her if she can fall asleep in his arms . nearly vomited writing that actually Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? right now ? sienna , trying to convince everyone they’re like actually really a thing . Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? sienna , and she denies it until her dying breath How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? sienna’s … ability to be uber affectionate with him is limited …. but she gets a lot better as time grows on . that’s character development Who gives the most kisses? jtWhat is their favourite non-sexual activity? dont ask me why my first thought was watching shitty b-rated horror movies …. she also makes him sort through clothes with her, and she promises it’s very theraputic Where is their favourite place to cuddle? bed . it’s much easier to get her to drop her mr tough guy act when she’s sleepy Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? neither , when they touch eachother it means BUSINESS , see two sections back How often do they get time to themselves? all the time , she runs away
Sleeping:
Who snores? i already know she does , dont judge her If both do, who snores the loudest? sienna Do they share a bed or sleep separately? share :3 not rn …… but they WLD If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? she’s ready to draw a partition down the middle of the bedWho talks in their sleep? sienna , and he makes fun of her for it What do they wear to bed? sienna steals clothes specifically from him  to sleep in. she’s also 10/10 a morning showererer so she’ll lit sleep in her clothes from that day and not give a FUCK Are either of your muses insomniacs? sienna never sleeps she runs purely on red bull and annoyance Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? yeah , she takes them most nights Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? side by side, though occasionally she’ll reach for his hand Who wakes up with bed hair? sienna, and it’s awful. he’ll get his ass beat if he mentions it Who wakes up first? jt. it takes her FOREVER to fall asleep , but once she’s out she’s out .  think being awake for 24 hours then sleeping for 12+ Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? he does, not to be romantic but because he’s sick and tired of her eating leftover fried rice in bed. What is their favourite sleeping position? she sprawls , and she doesn’t like to be touching him when she sleeps , but his presence is a good thing Who hogs the sheets? jt , simply because he’s so comparatively large next to her that using a reasonable amount of sheets reads as hogging Do they set an alarm each night? they both intend to — and always forget. when when it goes off, sienna sleeps through it Can a television be found in their bedroom? yes , but it doesn’t get cable like the one in the living room does. it’s exclusively for blockbuster rentals. Who has nightmares? she doesn’t have wake up in a cold sweat nightmares, but she has sad dreams a lot Who has ridiculous dreams? sienna makes up the craziest dreams to relay to him just to fuck with him Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? SIENNAWho makes the bed?  neither have the time What time is bed time? either 8pm or 4am, no in between Any routines/rituals before bed? her SOLE form of self care is face masks, and she makes him do them on the top half of his face where green gunk wont get in his hair Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? sienna is grumpy all the time, so it’d have to be him by comparison 
Work:
Who is the busiest? she literally lives at work, so there’s always something Who rakes in the highest income? considering she is a SMART , STRONG , almost business owner ( omg they popping BIG bottles when the old bitch that actually owns the attic dies ) and he thrives on tips and gang bullshit ? do the math. Are any of your muses unemployed? nopeWho takes the most sick days? sienna just opens the store and goes back upstairs to fake supervise in her sleep, call her if there’s a fireWho is more likely to turn up late to work? he is, it’s LITERALLY impossible for her to do that Who sucks up to their boss? paging ed, she’s her own fucking boss What are their jobs? he’s a bartender/gang fREAK , she manages the attic thrift store Who stresses the most? jt has a lot of long days to to the antics of alcoholics , she likes her job even though she wishes she was somewhere else Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? she likes it…. but she’s super depressed she isn’t following her dreams. i assume he likes whatever’s going on on the wrong side of town Are your muses financially stable? yes 
Home:
Who does the washing? jtWho takes out the trash? jordan tucker Who does the ironing? jordanWho does the cooking? mr tuckerWho is more likely to burn the house down just trying? see i would say sienna, but she DOESN’T try. Who is messier? sienna, but she’s not as much messy as she is disorganizedWho leaves the toilet roll empty? siennaWho leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? jt, he lit just took his shoes off in the thread ….. literally get off her couch Who forgets to flush the toilet? that’s gross. Who is the prankster around the house? if he pulls anything over on her in her house he’s kicked 2 the curb. she bullying he is fair game tho Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? sienna doesn’t drive, so him Who mows the lawn? what lawn Who answers the telephone? she pointedly ignores them Who does the vacuuming? see the other chore listWho does the groceries? ^Who takes the longest to shower? siennaWho spends the most time in the bathroom? neither of them , efficiency is key 
Miscellaneous:
Is money a problem? mo money mo problems is what i always say . it isn’t overflowing , but it isn’t an issue How many cars do they own? he has a motorcycle , she has a bike and two working feet Do they own their home or do they rent? she rents , technically , until she gets the store Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? dont ask this again mads still has not told me where we are Do they live in the city or in the country? SHE lives downtown , he would have to move in with her Do they enjoy their surroundings? she hates it , she wants a big city What’s their song? she played this on her record player , and she had one too many drinks and tried to dance with him to it ….. What do they do when they’re away from each other? breathe a sigh of relief Where did they first meet? the thrift storeHow did they first meet? when she literally made out w him unprecedentedly Who spends the most money when out shopping? sienna is always buying things at garage sales and other thrift stores she insists are to resell but then a week later they show up in her house or she’s wearing them Who’s more likely to flash their assets? sienna  owns one expensive thing and never lets it go. Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? they aren’t 10 Any mental issues? too many to countWho’s terrified of bugs? spiders are her friends Who kills the spiders around the house? if he does she’ll b mad at him that’s pablo , he lives in the corner Their favourite place? her apartment Who pays the bills? siennaDo they have any fears for their future? at this point probably the stress of staging a breakup Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? LOOK … i know it’s not the question but she surprises him with spectacularly unfancy dinners …. he shows up and they’re eating pizza rolls by candlelight because if she doesn’t cook them ahead of time he won’t let her eat them Who uses up all of the hot water? SIENNAWho’s the tallest? he is , she’s 2ft Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? sienna, the horndogWho wanders around in their underwear? [ me vc ] if he keeps barging in he’s seen her in a towel Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? neither of them , they DANCE What do they tease each other about? him about her poor life choices , her about his criticisms of her life choices . essentially she mocks him Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? sienna has to beg him to not wear a clean version of the same fucking clothes every day . he owns one outfit and washes it each night as far as she’s concerned Do they have mutual friends? no , they run in VERY different circles Who crushed first? [ tatbilb vc ] if anyone’s fallen in love with someone who doesn’t love them back, it’s not you. it’s kavinsky. he’s kavinsky. Any alcohol or substance related problems? the only water she drinks is watered down beer because it was cheaper, amiright lads? also she smokes a lot , have fun with lung cancer when you’re 40 sienna Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? sienna, and he was the bartenderWho swears the most? her 
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bonbonswirl-blog · 6 years
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Locked up
ALL THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO @brueklynn I OWN NOTHING. U think the title is deep but it isnt, btw Friendship is hard with these two so u wont enjoy XD
It was a typical morning, it was a growing patches of blue, the sort of hue that is soft and bright at the same time. Though beneath the sheet of cloud is a grey that deepens to steel, the leading edge is a brilliant white, as if it is the pages of a new book ready for any curious eye. Blondie, henry and samuel were the first visitor for the studio, each going to his own office and start his work, samuel went to the empty recording room. He felt something was out place, something is missing, he didnt catch what is it, he looked around trying to recall and count the musical instruments, now he figured it out, his piano is missing!! Where is it?! At the same moment he heard a voice of something rubbing againist the floor, he turned around and saw someone pushing his lost piano inside the room, only to reveal mike, that made samuel angry. "Would you like to explain why was that piano with you?" "What do you think the reason?!" "I dont know!! You trying to pull some sort of a joke!!" "What?! No! I didnt pull a prank! Even if I did I dont pull it out like this!!" "You know just- lets get back to work queitly without breaking another banjo please." "Jeez samuel, I wont! Why are you so negative about everyone?!" "Did you see me be negative around someone who doesnt break an instrument every two days?! Eventually your whole month payment will be wasted!!" "Oh really!!" The echo of the forcefully slammed door pervading through the place, it was the time for the two musicians daily argument, they never argued with their fists but their words packed a powerful punches. After a few minutes the shouting match was over, both still filled irritation, mike wanted to end this and go to another room. But when he turned down handle, the door didnt open...he tried again and again, no use. He tried closing all his fingers around the handle to twist it with his bare hands using all his arms muscles, it was all in vain. The door stood stubbornly in its place. They both knew what did that mean.
They are both trapped alone in this room together.
Samuel mind didnt process the idea, out of all the people who could be locked up with him, its mike?!? His enemy! Seriously?! And the same thing could have been said for the banjoist. "What have you done!!" "Me? The doorknob was already broken!!" "Whats going on there?!" They both stopped another fight when they heard a voice talking from the outside, finally someone is their to end the proplem. "Murphy! We are locked in here! Please bring something and open this door QUICKLY!!!" "The door wont open?! Mmmmm, I think I can fix this proplem but...it may take a little time to find the tool I need." "What?! Murph please bring it now and hurry up!" "Ok Ok, its just a broken door, that wont disturb you from your jobs, you can just go back to working while I search ok?" "No please murphy!! dont leave me here!!-" Too late because murphy had already left them, they knew from the sound of the running footsteps. Both the mad men looked at each other, with a look that could be described by one word, disgust.
Another few minutes had passed and murphy still didnt come back, for some reason, each one of the two was sitting on a corner, knees to chest, arms crossed and backs facing each other, refusing to take any glimpse at the other face, anger may be turned inside to themselves as the attraction dissonance increases, hate spreading throughout their entire system, shutting down all other feelings, becoming central to the situation, they hoped this nightmare would end soon at any second. "I hate you!" "I dont care mike! Dont even speak to me!" "Then dont even look at me!" "Then why are you looking at me!" "I am not! And thats mean you are still looking at md! I said dont even take a peek at me birdie!" "Stop calling me that name!" "Well stop yelling at me!!" "You dont even make any sense!!" "Can any sense be seen by those glasses!" "These glasses are WAY better than your messy hair summerson!" " Oh please! How can ANYONE dislike this flowing gleaming hair~" "Stop acting like some Ľoréal paris commercials and Shut up!!" "And what if I dont shut up?" "OH Y-" They both stopped fighting when a sound of some tiny broken metallic chunks fell from under the piano, hitting the ground in a very low voice. "Oopsie...." mike whispered under his breath, that wasnt supposed to happen....."I KNEW It!! I Knew That You Were Up To Something When You Toke The Piano With You!!" "Sam wait!! I wil-" "What And How Much Damage Did You Cause Michael?! And WHY Did You Do That To My Piano?! You Want Me To Suffer More Through This Glum Job?! What Else You Have Inside That Head?!" "You Got It All Wrong! Why Dont You Try That Piano First Before Talking!" "Oh Really!! WHY? You Want To Try And Prove My 'Bad Skills' At Pressing Those Keys And Tell Me I Dont Have Much proficiency In Music And Songs?!" "No! You Have Such A Versatility in The piano!!" "OH YA-..............Wait What??!?" "I Said-......." Both mike and samuel had a full minute of silence, staring at each other in disbelief, their minds trying to process what did mike just say, is that really true? Did mike just said his first nice words? If that was true...a shudder will run through samuel, it was like mike came to know the depths of his humanity. "Did You Just say I have versatility in the piano?!" "No!!" No matter how much mike will try to deny it, samuel had already heard the sentence. "Of..Ofcourse I will have much versatility on the piano!!" "You dont!" "But you just admitted it!!" "That...That slipped out accidently!" "Well it was something that was floating in your mind then."
They both stood still when they heard some noises from outside the room, the door was shaking slightly until finally, someone opened it, it was murphy who found his tool and unlocked the door, finding an exit for both, everything was over. "Im glad you didnt kill each other while I was gone." Mike gave samuel an unsure look and walked past him, leaving him alone in the recording room to do his work.
Samuel still remembers when mike told him to give the piano a try. Azure blue eyes scaning it, he did notice it feels a little more different thean before, its shiny, pitch black, row of pure ivory keys, They shimmer in the recording room light as if they are the moon on a starry night, Everything was still there but more cleaner. He sat down to check preparing to check if it will work properly, swift fingers shifting from here and there, the sound the keys created was great, the music he sang went with the beat, stirs wonders in his soul. No harm was caused by mike, It was same piano he always function on. After he finished, he sensed the inner peace. Yesterday night was being reminded, oh how he had a hard with the notes because the piano wasnt working right, didnt give him the desired results needed. He took another glance at the piano, he noticed that on the side curling golden letters spell "Samuel" such a beautiful and elegant name. because its his. When he toke a break he left the recording room walking in the halls, he saw someone from away sitting and fixing something, it was mike focusing on reading the instructions paper of how to fix a banjo strings, next to it another one related to the piano.
Maybe that lock up wasnt the worst thing he experienced.
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inawickedlittletown · 6 years
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Walking The Wire (108/?)
Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.
This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.
Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)
A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3
I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony
@findmeinthestarss
Masterpost
Chapter One Hundred Seven
They never found out what had been going on with Loki and Thor because nothing came of their appearance and then disappearance because aside from a blip somewhere in Ireland that wasn’t necessarily them, there was nothing and while Tony waited for the other shoe to drop and something crazy to happen somewhere else in the world, nothing did.
“So, do you think he was just popping in for a visit and didn’t even think to stop by here?” Rhodey asked during a team meeting.
“I don’t know,” Tony said. “And there’s no way to contact him. I called up Jane and she -- well, apparently they broke up sometime before he left the last time and she didn’t have a way to contact him anyway which is sort of why they broke up.”
“But nothing’s happened right,” Sam said. “I mean, no random Asgardians have shown up so--”
“Not since then,” Tony said. “At least not that my satellites picked up anyway. But Coulson or Fury would have mentioned if they heard anything.”
Tony kept paying attention, but nothing outside of the usual happened. Ross’ announcement that Spider-Man was Tony’s son had been a small blip that most people didn’t pay attention to despite all the pictures that Ross had managed to get of Spider-Man coming and going from the tower. Mostly, he just sounded like a conspiracy theorist especially after Tony tweeted that his son was definitely not Spider-Man and that the theory had made Steve laugh. Still, he was sure some people did believe Ross’ story. It was also a concern that Ross was clearly keeping an eye on the tower.
There was a whole thing with the resurgence of AIM in the middle of August but it was such a disorganized mess that they didn’t get very far in even setting themselves up as a threat and Tony had them all rounded up and arrested in the course of an afternoon.
By the time that the summer was actually over, Tony was starting to relax on the Thor front. Peter on the other hand was a tad disappointed that he hadn’t gotten to meet the god yet. It turned out that next to Iron Man, Thor was Peter’s favorite.
“He’s an actual god,” Peter had said, “but also an alien. And just cool. He’s just so cool.”
Sam found the whole thing amusing. “Your kid has good taste at least,” he said, “if he had to crush on any of us.”
“It’s not a crush! I just -- he’s a god, Sam! And the lightning--” Peter trailed off as Sam laughed and Tony tried not to join in.
“He is seriously impressive,” Natasha said in Peter’s defense.
“Yes, exactly,” Peter said.
“Which is why you had a crush on him,” Sam said matter of factly and Peter threw up his arms in the air and Tony knew that he had figured out he couldn’t really say much else to make a difference to the conversation. Mostly, though, Tony loved the level of ease that Peter had with the rest of The Avengers.
But when Peter’s birthday came around, Tony decided that they needed to go on a mini-vacation. Not to get away from anyone, but because Tony wanted to spend some time on his own with Peter away from wedding planning and everything else that was going on at the tower. They went to California because Peter had never been to the West Coast and because Peter had also been interested in seeing the rebuilt Malibu house. It was fun to show Peter around and take him to a few of Tony’s favorite spots. All in all, their vacation was a nice break from the usual. They got back after a couple of weeks away and right in time for Peter to get back to school and Tony to move forward with the new suit. Everything was ready and Tony just needed to have the housing unit put in his chest.
On the night before school was starting up again, Peter was leaning against Tony’s side. There was a movie on, but Tony had long given up on watching it because the plot had changed so drastically that the movie was downright silly and either way, Tony had gotten busy answering emails because Pepper couldn’t understand why Tony was delegating everything to do with SI for the next week or two. Tony still hadn’t told her that he was going to be putting in the housing unit for the nanotech in his chest. He and Shuri both agreed that it was the only way to make it as effective as Tony wanted it to be.
“Is it going to be a long operation?” Peter asked.
Tony looked down at him. “A few hours.”
“I don’t like that I’ll be in school and I won’t be here.”
The whole thing with Thor had really hastened Tony to get the device ready faster. He wanted to be prepared for the next time something happened and things would have been dire if Thor’s return had signaled the beginning of something being wrong. Sure, Tony had his other suits, but the nanotech one was going to be better than any other. Steve and Peter for their part thought that he knew best despite the risk that the surgery would bring him.
“You’ll be here plenty,” Tony assured him. “Nothing is going to go wrong. I have the best doctors on this and we have a good plan for how we’re handling this.”
“Dr. Cho is pretty great,” Peter said with a grin.
Tony wrapped his arm around Peter’s shoulders and pulled him closer. “So why did you want to watch this movie again?”
“Ned recommended it,” Peter muttered. “I don’t think I’ll be taking his advice on movies again any time soon.”
Tony laughed. “On that we can agree, kid.”
---
Steve didn’t argue with Tony once Tony decided that he needed to get the housing unit put into his chest. It was Tony’s body and Tony’s decision and while Steve did voice his questions and got Tony to think about the pros and cons, he left it up to Tony because Tony knew best when it came to his suits. The device was different than the arc reactor, anyway, in that it wasn’t working to keep Tony alive. Looking at the ring with the shrapnel that had almost killed Tony, reminded Steve of how much Tony had gone through and survived.
He was with Tony during the operation, holding his hand while Dr. Cho and her team worked on Tony with a combination of Dr. Cho’s tech and Shuri’s as well. It brought down the risk for the procedure considerably. When it was over a few hours later and the whole thing was successful, Steve let out a sigh of relief.
“Good,” he said.
The whole thing was taking place in the compound since the facility had a medical wing and Tony had gone ahead and added an operating room to it too. It meant that Tony was going to be staying at the compound for a few days even if that was more of a precaution than anything, but it was better for him to not have to travel to the tower while fresh out of his operation. Steve had insisted on being there so his anklet was off. The FBI had only checked in on them once since putting the anklets on and the only reason they showed up in the first place was that Sam’s had malfunctioned. It was lucky that they were all in the tower at the time, not that Fury had been sending them on a lot of missions lately. Things were on the quiet side.
“He’ll be asleep for a little longer,” Helen said. “We’ll move him somewhere comfortable. You can call Peter in, if you want.”
“I’ll go get him,” Steve said and leaned over to kiss Tony’s forehead first.
Helen smiled at him.
When he returned with Peter in tow, Tony had been moved into one of the rooms in the medical wing. Tony was still asleep, but he looked peaceful all tucked into bed.
“Everything went perfectly, Peter,” Helen said. “He’ll be awake in an hour or two. Myself or someone from my team will come check in.”
“I’m glad,” Peter said as Helen grabbed a few things and walked out of the room. “I was actually a little worried,” he admitted to Steve. “I just -- I’ve lost all the father figures in my life and he was doing this and I was worried.”
Peter walked to stand by Tony’s bed and Steve moved forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You dad rarely does anything that isn’t for a reason. And if he had suspected that this was any riskier than it needed to be he wouldn’t have done it because the last thing he wants is to leave you. Shuri and Helen worked this out and you know how smart they are.”
“I know,” Peter said and looked up at Steve. “I just couldn’t help it. And thanks for helping me get out of school today. Dad just kept saying how I didn’t need to be here.”
“Yeah, well, he hates that we fuss about him.”
---
Taking it easy was boring. At least, it wasn’t bed rest. Tony could move around and he could go to the workshop but he was limited by how long he could work and how much he could lift or really do which ultimately just made him grumpy. Steve was also hovering for most of his time in there and jumping in to do things for him which Tony had found endearing at first but then kind of frustrating. So, he was happy to be back to normal a month and a half later even if Steve still seemed a bit wary of him doing much. Pepper was worse. She had started to just show up to make sure he was okay every other day right after Tony moved back to the tower and she’d fussed and fussed over him after telling him off for putting the housing unit in his chest in the first place until Tony had enough.
“You know,” Steve said one afternoon, “it’s almost been a year since I came back.”
“It has,” Tony said. A full year. It had been more than a year since the whole fiasco with The Vulture too. They were lucky that there hadn’t been any big villain like that popping up since but even if there had been, Tony was confident that Peter would have been able to handle it.
Training with Steve and the team in general had made a huge difference to Peter’s capabilities as Spider-Man. Peter didn’t use the Iron Spider suit often, opting for his other suit over that one most of the time, but he had gotten so much better with his powers and just his physicality because he wasn’t just following his instincts which were often good, he was doing more. Strategizing and thinking his plans through and really knowing his strengths and weaknesses and using that knowledge to do things in the best way possible.
“And it hasn’t been all bad,” Steve said.
“Yeah,” Tony said. “I half expected you to get too bored to stay.”
“I’ve found that life can’t be boring when you’re in it. But, not just that, it makes a difference that we’re together. You’ve made this worth it and it’s just one more year, Tony.”
“We better hope nothing crazy happens before then,” Tony said. “I thought Thor coming back meant--”
Steve nodded. “I know. I know. I did too. I just wonder what the whole point of it was. He wouldn’t have shown up and left that quickly without there being some reason and I just don’t trust that Loki was with him. Wasn’t he supposed to be dead?”
“Yeah,” Steve said. “That’s what Thor said.”
“Jane was confused about that too. She seemed concerned -- but she hasn’t called which means she hasn’t found anything alarming. At least I have this thing now,” Tony said and tapped his chest. “It makes me feel a little better about any possible threats.”
It was Tony’s fear -- and had been since going through that wormhole -- that they’d be faced with something from outside their world again. Even if nothing came to pass, he wanted them to be prepared. After all, he’d seen what some of those aliens could do and create and it was only a matter of time before Earth became a target again. Loki being alive -- he’d been the one behind the attack in New York. Of course, helped by the stone in the scepter but nevertheless one of the reasons. Thor had said he was leaving to find out more about the stones and...and maybe it was what he was still trying to figure out. It worried Tony.
Chapter One Hundred Nine
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mercenarypark · 7 years
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medic hcs
Em made a big hc post for heavy a few days ago [here] and ive been meaning 2 finally do the same w/ medic bcause im gay
note: while i try to be brief about the details, this post is about a gay jewish man in Germany during wwii. to set aside any initial worries, no, he is never kept in the camps- as a jewish person myself it sickens me deep in my stomach to even think of that possibility. but there’s still mentions of n/zism and antisemitism, as one would expect.
also, a fair amount of the details of my medic hcs for his childhood are based on the german side of my family, primarily my grandfather and his father. while i still only know a little about my family history[tm], details like medic’s last name, how his family were able to lay low, etc, are based on the little bits and pieces ive heard from my grandmother #antisemitism #nazism #homophobia #transphobia #satanism #long post #text heavy #tf2 #gore text #medical abuse #malpractice #experimentation mention 
-Medic was born roughly around 1925- he’s in his early 40s around when the game takes place- to the name [redacted] Reichstein. the Reichsteins were reviled in their little town as mad doctors, which was at least somewhat true- they certainly weren’t shy to experimentation on body parts and [willing] subjects. but a good part of the hatred for them stemmed from Good Old Antisemitism, focusing their hate on the fact that they were an openly jewish family and saying that that must be influencing their occasionally morally dubious behavior
-for the longest time, though, people tolerated them- they were the only doctors around, after all. but as time went on, the disgusted glances turned to hate speech, turned to violent threats, and eventually, to violent actions.
-medic’s father, who had long since been debating on moving, finally packed the family up[against his wife’s wishes], and within a night, their home and lab were deserted.
-his father could tell that something terrible was coming. he brought down an ultimatum- they would have to abandon everything jewish about themselves in order to survive. medic was young, still, and didn’t fully understand the severity of why his father seemed so adamant that they never mention holidays they once celebrated, why their old family photos were torn and burned, why his mother was constantly reprimanded when her Yiddish roots showed through her accent
-medic’s father pulled a few favors, and before they moved into a new city, the family name was changed to Reich- a more acceptable, more German name. Reichstein could raise eyebrows, lead to questioning about jewish roots, but there have always been many Reichs in Germany.
-that’s also when Medic got his birthname changed to Ludwig, and he and his mother had to fight like hell for that. his father argued that the last thing they needed was another target on their back- if anyone found out that his son “wasn’t really a boy”, then that would bring the entire family under scrutiny and into danger.
-ludwig refused to take no for an answer. ludwig had always been someone who would rather die than pretend that he’s something he’s not, and this was one of the first signs of that. while he didnt fully understand his connection to judaism, yet, and thus didnt fight to keep it at the time; he DID understand that he wasn’t a girl, and by God did he refuse to pretend otherwise.
-eventually his father relented, though he never once forgot and throughout medic’s childhood, he would bring up how risky it was, how medic was potentially endangering them all.
-to clarify: his father DID technically accept his son being transgender, but he wanted him to repress it, ignore it, force it down and never bring it up, much like their jewish heritage. ludwig refused, and his father never liked that. [when ludwig grew older and became both openly gay AND became a practicing jew again, his father nearly had a fucking heart attack]
-ludwig was heavily isolated for most of his childhood after they moved, partially due to the war’s beginning, partially because his father was afraid of his son giving something away. he was homeschooled by his mother, and rarely left the house, instead spending most of his time playing with the family’s cockatoo, or in his father’s operating room, learning human anatomy
-this isolation[alongside his autism, and veritable cocktail of mental illnesses] helped contribute to medic’s general inability to understand how to interact with people- he is oblivious at the best of times, has no concept of personal space, rarely catches social cues, and has Awful attachment issues. he is overly affectionate with anyone he is even vaguely friendly with, he tends to ramble and talk about uncomfortably personal things without realizing its a bad thing, etc, etc, he is a mess and a half
-he does understand bits and pieces- for example, if he’s physically affectionate with someone, they tend to tense up, and try to get away from him, which means he’s doing something wrong. the problem is that he doesnt understand WHAT he’s doing wrong, or why it’s wrong[answer: he’s covered in blood and bird shit and holding at least one[1] human liver]
-speaking of physical affection, the first time engineer affectionately puts a hand on medic’s shoulder medic fucking freaks out because aside from his parents, NO ONE. no one has ever initiated Friendly Physical Contact with him. usually because theyre freaked out by him in some way. he has no idea how to cope with the fact that someone might actually think of him in a friendly manner to the point of expressing that physically [aside from sexually, which is a whole other story and a half]
-but im getting ahead of myself. the first time ludwig killed a man was when he was 17. a nazi soldier paid an unexpected visit to the Reichs. ludwig, scared for his family’s sake and overwhelmed with a boiling hatred for nazis that had simmered for all of his childhood, killed the man
-his father reacted violently, ranting that now they were doomed, but his mother helped ludwig destroy the body and evidence. by the grace of God, no other nazi followed up that visit- the soldier hadn’t told anyone where he was going, and there had been no witnesses to his visit. and germany was so chaotic at the time, that eventually the man's death was attributed to a previously unnoticed casualty in battle
-that was the first man ludwig killed, and also the first of many, many nazis. he spent a good stretch of his adult life hunting down nazis who had gone under the radar, trying to hide their past ties while still keeping the same disgusting views.
-as ive mentioned, in medical school, ludwig not only became openly gay, but returned to his jewish roots. no longer under his father's roof, and now that the war was over, medic saw no reason to hide aspects of himself any longer. and God help everyone who felt otherwise. especially once the most violently hateful dissenters, began to mysteriously disappear.
-throughout his adult life medic has had Multiple short term, non-serious relationships [including more than his fair share of one night stands], and maybe two serious relationships prior to heavy. neither of those ended well, citing ludwigs mental Fuckery as a big issue. speaking of, his mental fuckery has helped him get into at least a couple abusive relationships, which i wont detail beyond "he survived and healed".
-while he is Jewish, he is the kind of jew who criticizes god every step of the way. at least part of this is due to having to survive during the Shoah.
-the Shoah definitely fucked his mind up. the constant fear for his parents and himself, and the burning hatred for the nazis and everyone who agreed with them or stood back and let them take over, and just overall a horrible sense of helplessness, definitely contributed to a lot of his future mental fuckery, and to his feelings about God. as an adult, and as a doctor, he took the feeling of helplessness he had as a teenager, and flipped it around dramatically- if god didnt help him then, he’d have to become better than god. he would bring retribution where others didnt, and bring power and life to those god would not help.
-he sold his soul to satan sometime around his mid-30s. [this is a sentence that sounds really fucking weird if u dont know much about tf2.] there are a few reasons behind that, but im only gonna talk about one:
-as i've said, medic spent a lot of time murdering nazis who had tried to go into hiding. that's difficult when theyre trying very, very hard to cover up their past. medic struck a deal with satan- in exchange for the names, aliases, and locations of ex-nazis in hiding, he would kill them and send them straight to hell. his soul was just to sweeten the deal.
-ludwig does a Lot of experiments on captured and dead nazis, especially the painful ones. the ol' "removing a patient's skeleton" story was of a nazi officer medic had caught, and medical licence or not, ludwig would do it again in an instant
-medic's flock of homing pigeons, stolen from a wedding van, are like family to him. the original, stolen generation had more pretentious names, as named by their previous owner- mostly well known scientists and philosophers[Archimedes, Newton, Nietzsche, etc]. most of the pigeons he named himself have biblical, jewish names [Mordecai, Elijah, Rebecca, etc]
-ludwig is absolutely never prim, proper, or orderly. if he is wearing a coat that DOESNT have blood and bird shit on it, wait 5 minutes and check again
-he has a tendency to hyperfocus on something and forget things like "humans need food and water to live". heavy usually helps him remember
-medic snores. loudly. and it sounds fucking awful. heavy is, sadly, a very light sleeper. it takes a loooong time for him to finally be able to sleep through medic's snoring, and it winds up being one of the only things he actually CAN sleep through. god help you if you step on a creaky board halfway down the hall, though, because heavy will wake up in an Instant
-if tf2 were in modern times, ludwig's music taste would include a Lot of kesha, klezmer music, black metal, and so on. its varied, is what im saying
-medic, pyro, and soldier all get along surprisingly well together, because they all have a case of "same brain? same brain!", all of them have issues dealing with other people and have problems with processing/understanding things, have trouble w/ psychotic episodes and the like, overall their minds are all wired oddly but somehow they can understand /each other/
-scout accidentally becomes medic's unofficial adopted daughter and thats a whole post and a half on its own. suffice to say medic would do anything for her
-engie, demo, and medic are all Science Gays
-medic also does his best to help demo with his Absolutely Massive Amounts of Trauma and Self Loathing, by at least being a supportive shoulder to lean on when demo tries to drink himself unconscious to forget it all. hes absolutely terrible most of the time at actually saying anything to help, but he can be a good presence, and he has birds. birds help anything
-he has a very casual fling going with spy, since early on in their time at the base. its usually in a state of "on-again off-again", with the latter usually having something to do with how spy acts with scout.
-obviously theres a lot i could say about heavy and medic's relationship, but to put it briefly- theres a loooong time where both of them are "i dont understand social interaction" gays.
-medic is the "i literally dont understand how to act around people im attracted to or that me being extremely overaffectionate around you is due to the fact that im falling in love with you, i dont catch your vague hints towards the fact that you feel the same about me because you literally need to hit me over the head with something in order to get me to catch onto it" gay
-heavy is the "i have spent so many years repressing so much of myself and keeping quiet and not drawing attention to myself, that i physically cannot bring myself to be up front about the fact that im attracted to you. im also afraid of misintepreting signals and i am instead going to assume your over-affectionate attitude is platonic and i am misreading things" gay
-eventually they figure things out and its good and soft and gay
ok its 3 AM and ive been writing on this for at least an hour and a half and i told Em i would go to bed by now dhgfkhhj 
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