#every time I hear typing I get so excited cuz I know hes gonna start humming

[threefuckencrowsinatrenchcoat]

I haven’t seen anyone talking about THEEE Samama Khalid and his humming to himself as he works and this must be rectified. I LOVE HIS LITTLE SINGING HES SO CUTE AND REAL FOR IT JUSTICE FOR MY BOY YALL HE DESERVES ALL THE LOVE HES SO FUNNY AND ADORABLE GIVE HIM ALL THE HUGS

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, AUGUST 31, 1995 Yesterday turned out to be a pretty good day. I’ll write about it after I go try to finish up the big cat.

I have my face all made up now and we’re gonna take pictures. One for Sarah and one of us for the puzzle offer.

Later…

Well, it appears that they just might be on their way out, even though there’s no ‘sold’ sign up yet. Interests are so low right now that there are 4-5 houses for sale on this street alone. Anyway, I haven’t heard their dogs all day today. Early in the morning, the dogs go off for 10-15 minutes or so and I didn’t hear them at all. They’ve also got their trailer up front that had been in their backyard. Tom’s probably right about them moving out of state. Probably to Idaho. I pity whoever they move next to cuz now they’ll have to deal with that dog and their new one for nearly a month till the damn things adjust to their new surroundings.

Why aren’t I nervous as all hell about the new neighbors? Especially when I know I’ve got every reason to be nervous, worried, anxious, frustrated, pissed, and whatever else. I guess it’s cuz I’ve already accepted the inevitable. It’s going to be hell. Kids, dogs, company, car doors and the works.

Tom says I should worry more about a 12-year-old boy playing basketball for hours. To me, a 12-year-old boy playing basketball for hours is no worse or better than a 2-year-old screaming for hours.

I thought I just heard them doing something within the trailer, but I’m not sure. Dean probably doesn’t give a shit, but I wonder if Lenore will tell potential buyers about me and do whatever she can do to select potentially quieter neighbors. I doubt it, though. They probably could care less and just want to get the hell out. For all I know, she may try to pick the biggest and most obnoxious-looking family. It doesn’t matter, though, cuz God will do that. He’ll make sure I’m severely compensated for the lack of heavy metal bands and their kids (the M’s), although their dogs do get on my nerves occasionally.

Tom and I fooled around earlier. Neither of us came, but I had an excuse. It’s usually kind of hard for me to cum at the end of my period to about 10 days after.

Karson left a message, but I’ll talk to her another time.

I did more typing of journal 94 today and ought to be done with that tomorrow.

I can’t believe it’s already September. Just about, anyway. Just 6 more days till I call Lenny for something or nothing at all. I know I shouldn’t be getting my hopes way the hell up there. However, I truly am excited! I just can’t wait.

I finished the cat today and took about 6 different shots of it.

Later…

I did single 8th notes, as I said before, on the strip of wall in the hall by the bathroom. I used the overwriters which tend to fade, so I went over them with regular markers. Tomorrow Tom’s gonna seal that and the cat with clear spray paint. Then I’m gonna do G-clefs and 16th notes on the strip in the hall between the living room doorway and the linen closet.

I wonder how and why their dogs would move first if that’s the case. Especially if they really are leaving the state. I was out back just now and when the two dogs bark who are next to them, theirs usually follow, but I heard nothing. Maybe Lenore, the kids, and the dogs are already gone and he’s just here tying up loose ends and will meet up with them in the trailer. He’ll have to hitch some kind of vehicle to the trailer, though.

They’re gone. I just tried calling and the number’s been disconnected. But why is the trailer in the driveway?

When I asked Tom why they could move so soon, a family of 7-8, and not us, he said he probably didn’t recently get laid off and have to start all over again like he did. A person can also move before the house is sold if they want to move that fast. The Realtor sells it.

Well, the swing set is gone. I just stood up on my chair to see the top of it over the block wall and it’s gone. I’ll never hear those dogs again! Yeah, but I wonder what the new dog’s bark is gonna be like? Barking is barking and it’s totally obnoxious!

With all the many houses for sale now, I hope God will hold the hell off and that the place will be empty a bit longer, but I doubt it. This is Arizona! They moved in the same day the first people moved out who were there when I moved in here. They had two dogs and two basketball-playing boys. If I had to guess, there’ll be two dogs and 4 kids. These kids will probably go to public schools and have all kinds of friends over.

This is perfect timing for God to do this to me. Right when it’ll be cooler in less than two months when the kids will be outdoors much more. I’ll be getting hit full blast by them right around the same time the M’s hit me full blast.

No wonder she didn’t go to Idaho in June. They knew they were splitting soon enough.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 30, 1995 I believe tomorrow’s Gloria’s 37th birthday.

I fell asleep around 9 PM and got up 5 hours later. I got more of a period. I feel OK, though, cuz yesterday I slept very long.

I told Tom about the injection, and when I see Dr. Rausch in about a month, I’ll ask him more about it. We originally planned on me not doing anything till January, even though, Tom said to do whatever I want whenever and that he wants a kid. Well, I’m probably gonna get on this stuff as soon as I can cuz I’m sick of his shit and he’ll never change. I’m sick of him not putting his actions where his mouth is and maybe he says he wants a kid, but I don’t. No more games! I don’t care if my getting this stuff hurts him. Don’t you think his bullshit about us having a kid has hurt me more? I’m not gonna be played for a fool. I love him, but he’s not gonna tease me about this subject anymore. He can say he wants a kid 100 times a day. I don’t believe it! If I ever see a day when he cums, then I’ll believe it. And I’m not talking about an occasional orgasm during the times of my cycle when I can’t conceive if all’s OK with me. I want to see some serious, consistent effort before I ever buy anything he says.

How can this guy be such a saint otherwise? How can the same person have every good quality a human can possibly have and be such a liar and a joker on this one subject? Why is he doing this to me? Why is God doing this to me? Just what did I do to get into and deserve this situation? How can a guy tell me so much about how he wants a kid and that I’d be a good mother, yet do absolutely nothing about it?

Well, the otherwise saint was a real saint and hero at work. After only being there 3 months he’s now Employee of the Month. They gave him 3 balloons, candy, a letter opener, shoe polish, and a few other things.

Later…

Tom and Tammy talked yesterday cuz Tammy wanted to ask him about her piece of shit computer she says she’s ready to shoot. Tom’s gonna send her some programs.

A commercial came on for a service we’ll probably never need, but it’s nice to know about it anyway for $40. The number is 1-800-US-SEARCH and they find past/lost friends and family members with a full name provided to them. Is this commercial a sign that yes, I will get Robin’s full name, but have no way to find her? Or find someone who can tell me if she’s dead? I’d start my search in Maine or Massachusetts first, but she could be anywhere.

Later…

Tweak Daddy is leaving early this morning.

Anyway, I’m writing on my bed now with Tom still sound asleep in the bed next door. When I look at him, I feel so much love, but I also feel so much anger. I still feel foolish and awkward about praying to God to help him, cuz only he can help himself.

A part of me is considering returning to dancing just to make him feel part of how I’m feeling, but I don’t think I could stoop that low. Plus, all he’d feel was a little worried. He would not feel the emotions I’m feeling and as deep as I feel them.

As for this injection, I’m very seriously considering it before January. He might pretend this bothers him, but to me, it’s all a show to cover the truth. He had the nerve to say to me, “Well, obviously if you want this, you’re saying you don’t want a child.”

No, I’m saying I don’t want periods until and if I see him cum. Also, even if we had the one kid we want, who needs or wants periods till they hit menopause? The reason why I say he had the nerve to say that is due to how easy it is for me to say, “Obviously if you don’t cum, you’re saying you don’t want a child.”

TUESDAY, AUGUST 29, 1995 Slept nearly 12 hours yesterday. Wow! Sure was beat. I awoke to the start of my period 5 days earlier than it was due, but at least I’ll get early relief this month. It’s only spots now, but hopefully it’ll hit full blast soon enough to get some of this water off me and make my tits less sore.

I found out some excellent news today. I called Cigna and a nurse said I could get a hysterectomy, but there’s a less drastic way. A way that requires no surgery, no having to take pills and no side effects. It’s an injection you get every 12 weeks and it completely stops periods, PMS, and all the emotional and physical BS that’s associated with periods. Tom asked me to please not do anything till January if I’m not pregnant by then. Fine, but when we see that I won’t be, I’m gonna go for this injection. This is also good for people who’ve had all the kids they want, then don’t want to deal with periods till their periods stop. Also, the pill doesn’t really do much. It stops the ovulation, but you still get somewhat of a period and all its related BS.

My left shoulder bugs me from time to time, but I sure have been having my share of back pain/strain/soreness. Tom said I’ve been overdoing and that I should take it easy today. Yeah, I think I will. All I’ve done so far is a bit of typing, some singing, I watched TV, and called Tammy. The girls started school OK and Tammy had school last night. She goes for 3 hours on Monday and Wednesday nights.

Lisa’s Bat mitzvah will be on May 4th. Right now, I still have a medium-strong feeling we’ll be there.

I put the remainder of my tattoos on yesterday, but I screwed up on two of them. The yellow carnation on my thigh and the rose on my tit got a little messed up. I also have a butterfly on my left forearm, a heart with a sword through it on my upper right arm and 3 small sets of double hearts on my hand that go almost to my wrist.

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve heard those kids next door, but it’s great. The only thing I get a few times a day is their dogs barking. They leave those dogs out 24/7 regardless of how the weather is.

Only 8 more days till I call Lenny. I’m psyched, but I’ve got to bear in mind that I may not get anywhere. Despite any reasons I have for being hopeful, I’d still be really shocked if I got a sure name. Even if I do get a sure name, I still might not get anywhere. If she’s alive, she could be living anywhere with an unlisted number.

I don’t know if I mentioned this, but yes, Tom definitely is happy with us sleeping together. When we were first talking about it, I was afraid it’d be like sex, only for me. Truthfully, I think he’s into the foreplay, but not the getting-off part. That’s strictly been my thing only, but we know why.

I think I’ll go swimming and keep my color going.

MONDAY, AUGUST 28, 1995 I can’t believe they haven’t sold that house next door yet. It oughta be any day now. Oh, I dread it so much!

Tom almost got me to believe for a tiny bit, for a tiny second yesterday, that he wants a kid. I tried really hard to get him to admit he doesn’t want one, but no such luck. However, there are still excuses, as I knew there’d be. Some are legit, some - who knows, but the point is, there are still excuses. He’s too tired. He’s got to pee. And who’s to say he isn’t beating himself off when he pees?

Andy said the Sarah letter was excellent and that Sarah will really like it.

Today I’m sending Tammy about 7 pictures and 1 to my parents. Soon I’ll have Tom take 1 of me to send to Sarah and 1 of us for that free puzzle offer. After I buy 4 more puzzles, we can fill out a form to have a picture of us made into a puzzle.

Speaking of puzzles, Mom gave Tom a puzzle she got for her birthday. Due to her arthritis, her hands don’t work too well, so I’m gonna put it together for her, then I’ll have to glue it cuz it’s so big. It’s a 1000-piece puzzle that’s quite ugly. Too New England looking.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 27, 1995 I forgot to mention that I canceled my appointment with Dr. Rugg tomorrow. There’s no way I can be awake at that time and I just don’t need to go.

Now I’ll put on the remainder of my tattoos and then do some computer work till I wake Tom up at 7:30.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 26, 1995 My measurements are currently: tits – 34, waist – 25½, hips – 34. This is OK, but I still wish my waist would drop to 24” and that my 20½” thighs would drop to 18” or 19”. If I wasn’t so thick-thighed and thick-waisted, I’d look a hell of a lot better.

Andy left me a message saying that he spoke to Barbara Nicks after he and Michelle went to the outdoor Fleetwood Mac concert (Stevie wasn’t there). He said Barbara said she’d have gone with him if he had called and that he really believes they’ll meet someday. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did end up meeting Stevie someday.

Tom’s sound asleep right now in his bed. I’m writing on my bed to give my back a break from sitting hunched over beading.

Oral sex is still my favorite which I get off by around 98% of the time. However, screwing has been harder for me cuz all that’s on my mind is that it’s only for me (regardless of what he says) and how he’s “Scott M-ing” me with this baby bullshit. Aside from this, things are great between us.

I’m curious to know what his next excuse will be after he’s been in here for a while for why he can’t cum. It’ll probably be that he needs to be in the same bed, then sleeping on top of me, then God only knows what! It could be cuz I don’t have blue hair and yellow eyes for all I know.

Karson’s dad is in the psych ward right now and I guess he’s an alkie and a psycho. In the meantime, till he gets out, she’s gonna look for an apartment with a girl named Amy.

Kim sent me a letter along with 7 Bob letters. She’s not doing too well right now. She mentioned a problem with Doug but didn’t get into it. She’s got female problems. Some kind of extra tissue in her uterus needs to be removed. I wouldn’t be surprised if she were sterile cuz she fits no requirements to be a mother. Cuz she’d be a great mother, doesn’t drink or do drugs, and is smart, a good person, and financially set. She sure does look like a mom, though!

Bob said a few funny things. One of them started off “I honey!” instead of “Hi honey!” Kim wrote next to it “OK, whatever you say.” Then he said he had a new thought - of how he feels she’d be better off if he were dead.

Bull. He’s told both of us this a million times. It’s far from new.

I get a kick out of how he says he dies a little each day when she doesn’t write. He’s been dying a little ever since they met, so how come he’s not long gone?!

Kim says she very well may write him a wacky letter and that if she does, she’ll mail me a copy. That oughta be quite hilarious.

I wonder why neither of us heard anything from Bob about his secret admirer letter which she said she sent? Maybe he’s too embarrassed to bring it up.

I haven’t seen or heard tweak daddy next door getting ready to move. I’ll just enjoy myself till the new kids, dogs, and nightmare arrives and I’m forced and controlled into living just as I would if I were still in an apartment.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 25, 1995 Right now, I could be in a better mood than I’m in right now, but first, I’ll update other stuff.

I got lucky the other day and did two OK drawings and one really good one. They were of the sexy cards in the back of this book.

Yesterday I got Sarah’s 14-page letter. It would’ve equaled the 6 typed pages I sent her, but she wrote big and only on one side of the pages. It was great, though, and she’s much more intelligent than I thought. I expected a carbon copy of Karson (they hate each other, by the way). Her letter was all serious and her envelope was decorated very nicely.

I sent her a 6-page letter today and I also sent a copy to Andy.

I created 3 new files on the computer. Instead of doing all my letters in the ltrs file, I created Karsar for Karson and Sarah, Kimbob for Kim and Bob and Partam for my parents and Tammy.

We got Windows 95 today, an upgraded version of Windows. We’re not sure if we’re gonna like it yet, but at least it has a 30-day trial thing.

I can’t believe it, but Tammy finally sent us 7 pictures. The girls are really growing up and Lisa’s already getting a chest. I cried cuz I miss them so much and Tom understood. I really really hope to see them this spring since we’ll never have a kid. Bill is totally bald, but otherwise he looks healthier than I thought. I thought he’d be very thin after all he’s gone through, but he’s not. Tammy was the hardest to see cuz her two shots were further away. She still looked the same except for her hair color. It’s a goldish color and still as short as it always was.

I slept till 6 PM today, so I don’t know how the hell I’m gonna get to the 5 PM appointment Monday. I feel punished and like this appointment wasn’t meant to be, but for Tom’s sake and peace of mind, I’ll just follow the damn thing through.

Later…

I just had a good cry and that made me feel a little better.

Later, I can go exercise my stomach and the hips God gave me for the child I’ll never carry. Although it’s getting easier, I’m still depressed, frustrated and angry about not being able to have a child.

Tom insists he wants one and isn’t playing games and that I can express my feelings about it, but to stop calling him a liar. Well, I can stop calling him a liar cuz he already knows how I feel, but I can’t stop feeling what I’m feeling.

I wish I could always thoroughly blame myself. I know I can’t have a child even if he would cum, but sometimes I just feel it’d be easier if a doctor told me that for sure. That way I could be 100% sure instead of 99.9% sure and it’d make it easier in certain ways. I’d still feel depressed and angry at God, but not so teased and upset at Tom. There’d be no blame to feel towards him.

I blame him. I blame myself. I blame God.

What did I do wrong? Why is it that God and Tom are doing this to me? Would it really kill me? Would I really be that bad of a mother? Would it really ruin our marriage and end our lives? Or is it cuz we’d be too good at it and that’s not what God wants? Especially with all the Kim’s getting pregnant in this world. Last night Andy told me that Kim was dying to get pregnant. Anything to get attention longer. At first I asked myself why God would let her get pregnant if it was what she wanted. Then I remembered that she still qualifies. She’s still too young, too fucked up, broke, and on drugs.

What do I have to do to qualify? Become the biggest asshole this world’s ever known? What do I do wrong to become pregnant? What does Tom need to do in order to put his actions where his mouth is?

God will let most people who are too young, fucked up, doped out, or that don’t want kids to have them, but not me and my stable, drug-free, middle-class income husband. No. We’re just not bad enough. If I pranked some poor old man with a weak heart who I scared and killed, would that get me pregnant? I had most of the “qualifications” the few times I fucked with Ron and Bruce, so why didn’t I ever get pregnant then? I’m glad I didn’t, but I’d still like to know why.

This leads me to believe that the pregnancy and or childbirth would kill me and God doesn’t want me to die that way. Or maybe I’d be worse than my mother was, beat it to death, end up in jail all my life and God doesn’t want that for me either any more than I do, though I can’t imagine this.

There’s got to be a reason why God put me with a guy who doesn’t cum, which I know is rare. Does God want to tease me through Tom? As far as me believing Tom when he says he can’t cum and that it’s out of his control - no way. Cuz then he wouldn’t be able to get hard like he always does.

His attitude and comments drop too many hints that he’s against a kid. Earlier he said I was angry with him cuz he “hasn’t” made me pregnant, not cuz he “can’t” make me pregnant.

I believe it’s a jealousy issue and that he doesn’t have the faith he says he has as far as me being a good mother. Of course he’s gonna say I’d be a good mom and that he wants one. He’s got to. Gotta cover up the truth. One day he’s gonna break and tell me the truth. He can’t play this fucking game with me forever.

I feel lied to, I feel cheated, I feel punished. I feel angry at God, I feel angry at Tom, I feel angry at myself. I feel embarrassed and like a foolish little sucker. Just as I did when Scott MacNab pulled his fucking shit with me.

Tom says he prefers me not to take birth control. Fine. I don’t like the idea of having to pop pills all over again, but one of these days I’m gonna do for myself and get that hysterectomy.

Knowing the situation is the way it is and the way it’s gonna stay is one thing, but what do I do? Praying has been useless, I can’t make myself qualify, so now what? I know God’s not testing me or wanting me to wait until I get older. I know part of it is compensation.

I’m accepting never having a child a little bit, but I still have a ways to go. What can I do to finally bury it? How can I bury it forever?

I already know for sure that the new neighbors and their dogs will be a nightmare, so why can’t that be compensation in itself for a child? I know, I know. Pleading, begging and wishing are just totally useless. God will never allow me a child and neither will my husband.

Later…

I just played with Piggy who always makes me happy.

Andy and Karson left me messages, but I just don’t feel like doing the phone tonight.

I have things to do. I’ve got 33 more CDs to inventory, along with about 6 other things I want to get done. Or at least work on them.

Later…

I inventoried some more CDs and began re-editing Sally.

I left Andy a message letting him know I just wasn’t in the mood to talk on the phone cuz I wanted to catch up on stuff I do.

My mood could be worse right now, but it still could be better right now, too.

I wonder something else about Tom. Is the reason why he’s so good to me in lots of other ways to make up for his bullshit about the kid? I believe he’d still be good to me in many ways and buy me things, but would he as much if it weren’t for the kid issue?

Is there any possible way that someone in my family could’ve talked him into making sure I never get pregnant? Would my family risk bribing him for fear of him telling me about it? Yeah, I think they would.

Back when I was living on Oswego St. and Crystal was living with me, a similar situation happened. I know I wrote about this in my second journal or so, too. There was no issue of bribery, but when I pranked Nervous’s mother, his sister asked for my parent’s number which the bundle of nerves gave her. She (Nerv’s sister Judy) called my parents who lied left and right to Judy. They said I grew up in mental institutions, they were paying Crystal to watch me, etc. Well, Judy told this to Nervous who told it to me. I know this is exactly the kind of stuff my parents would say which I believe they later admitted. I think they knew it could very well get back to me and no, I don’t think they’re afraid to talk bullshit that I could find out about. I’m sure all they knew I could do about it was to call them up and bitch them out.

If I had to make a list of all the reasons why Tom and God could have that they’re against me having a child, this is what it’d be:

Tom’s reasons for not wanting me to have a child.

Jealousy The financial burden Doesn’t want to deal with it The time it would take up Fear of me being a bad mom My fears, worries and doubts about it Me bitching about how fat I’d be and the pain and discomforts of it My sleep schedule Lack of sleep My smoking My other hobbies, goals, wanting to see my family Arguing over issues concerning the child God’s reasons for not wanting me to have a child.

The financial burden The time it would take up It killing me Other plans for me in life Us fighting over it and our marriage being ruined Cuz I want one Cuz I’m not a druggie or alkie Cuz I’m smart Cuz I don’t have “the look” Cuz I might not be a bad enough mother Cuz I’m not an airhead or an asshole or into major crimes Cuz I’m not too young

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 23, 1995 I finally figured out what to do with those remaining pages in Journal 91. A CD inventory. I’m writing the artists and all the titles on all my 113 CDs.

About an hour ago I went into bed and Tom immediately went for it. The foreplay was great. What was different about it was that it was more intense. As I knew real damn good and well, though, he never came a drop.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 22, 1995 Continuing on: We taped the poster of that on the wall, along with a lion drawing I did and a sign saying PrintBIG, by Mystery Computer Enterprises. I stood in the center of it and he filmed that on the computer.

Tomorrow’s my appointment with Dr. Rugg. How much do you want to bet that Tom will be “too tired” to get back into screwing tomorrow to instill patience into me for God only knows what reason? If he is, though, I guess I can’t blame him since he’s gotta get up at 4 AM.

Another way I know things won’t change sexually with him is cuz of yesterday. He went down on me which made him hard. Then he said, “As soon as this hard-on gets settled down, I’ll get back to work.”

I asked him why doesn’t he let me take care of that for him? No, no, he said, he’d just let it settle down. How fucking weird! I mean, who the hell can live like that? That would just drive me crazy. I hope he managed to relieve himself somehow that night, but that was a verification that he’s still up to his old ways and tricks. He really does only let me do him with my hand so he can harden up to screw me, but only for me.

I got a Bob letter today. Not much is new with him.

Still haven’t heard from Karson or Sarah. Andy says Sarah should definitely write back, but we’re not sure about Karson, even though she says she’s got a few pages done. I’m always skeptical, till I see stuff, though. She did say earlier on the phone that she could read me some of it. I told her not to, cuz I’d rather it be a surprise.

She also told me she was molested when she was about 8 and I’m the only one that knows besides her family. I wonder why people feel they can trust me so much, but that’s nice. She went on and on for quite a while on how she doesn’t get along with her mother.

Later…

I just came into the bedroom to lie down and write. Something I haven’t done much of lately. I don’t spend too much time in here anymore.

Karson doesn’t answer now and Andy must be pissed. When I went to call him his VM was out of service for repair in his area.

Surprisingly, when I came in here, the light woke Tom up. He wasn’t one bit upset by it and has gone back to sleep.

Tomorrow at Dr. Rugg’s I’m really tempted to ask about birth control to wipe out my periods. My periods aren’t the end of the world like they were in my teens, but who wants them? I just don’t like the idea of having to take pills all over again.

I thought I heard the weirdo next door open and shut the van door. I still say they may have been up to something illegal all along and maybe someone’s on to them and that’s why they’re splitting so soon. To home-teach your kids is one thing, but to have only the father go out only to work, and the whole family go out only once a week for a few hours is shady. Plus, God would see to it that they were at least a little off-kilter cuz of the kids.

Anyway, I’m just gonna enjoy the 98% of the peace around here before it’s all gone. And it’s gonna go fast, too. I’ll be lucky if I have 50% peace.

Alex is vacationing in Alaska. I asked him for how long and with whom, but he never said. He must be making really damn good money to be able to afford to go to Alaska. I’m surprised he’s going so soon after starting his job with IBM. He likes his job and his apartment but is lonely there cuz he doesn’t know anyone there. He will, though. He’s an active guy.

Been exercising since, I believe, August 3rd.

Dad’s gonna be up in New England again to do the final flea market show in Brimfield. Lucky for Tammy and Larry and their kids.

I finished coloring the musical notes. I may do more of those. I worked some more on the giant cat. I began to make 15 strands of 100 beads to hang off the old non-usable AC that’s been in the living room. I have other art ideas, too. In the music room, there used to be a window, just like in the bathroom and living room. They were boarded up when they put up the garbage and added the back room. Now they’re just hollowed out. I was thinking of trying to draw an outside scene in it. I still have several projects. Editing, medley work, puzzles, and whatever else I can do.

I think I may have had another experience with Robin last night.

I know it’ll do me no good, but I chatted with God last night. I told Him I understand his reasons for compensation, but please! Please don’t let the new neighbors ruin my peace and life.

I also don’t think it’ll do me any good to ask Him to allow Tom to allow himself to cum, but I did.

A very good question just came to mind, before I get on with it. If He connected me to Tom, then how and why wouldn’t He want me to have a child? Why not just send me the right woman if a child wasn’t in the cards? Maybe He does want me to wait quite a while if it is gonna happen. Just wish it could be up to me for once.

Anyway, after I pleaded with Him, I sensed Robin lying beside me. She was trying to reassure me that I need not worry at all. Also, she was so proud of my accomplishments (getting off the Theo and sleeping with Tom). She insisted she and God wouldn’t ruin my peace and life and that she was sorry she can’t always be here. Guess she’s been busy on other missions or whatever. She loves me, keep on with Labor Day (the call) cuz in the end, I’ll get what I need.

I’m really wondering if she isn’t all one big joke or my imagination cuz I know I’ve got shit to worry about with the new neighbors. It’s gonna be hell and I know it.

I’m still not sure I fully believe in her spirit or God, but the baby desires have gone way way way down since I asked for help on being able to deal with never having a kid.

Later…

Boy, was I pissed off earlier today! This morning I told Tom I had a strong feeling of something being delayed. He said I was probably just nervous and not to worry. Sure enough, though, when I got up at 2:30, there was a message having to cancel Dr. Rugg’s appointment cuz of an emergency. So now I have to start all over again, keeping my schedule intact till next week, and after Friday - no sex. Tom says it’s no big deal, I’m worth it and in a way, it makes sex better cuz of the wait. That’s true.

He says he wants to screw in the morning and feels so much more at peace with our sleeping together. Me too. I feel so much more “normal.”

Later…

Tom and I swam earlier, then I swam by myself after he went to bed.

The program has been sent out on AOL.

I spoke to Karson a little while ago who called to let me know Gloria was on TV. She was doing an AIDS benefit concert with a few others. She sang a song from her greatest hits CD, as well as a few oldies. She still looks fat, but not as fat as I thought she’d look.

MONDAY, AUGUST 21, 1995 Yes, peanuts definitely help me shit better. Just when I thought I was gonna be constipated again, I ate some peanuts, gave the shells to Piggy, and a few hours later I took a dump.

Just when I thought I wasn’t gonna do anymore wall art, either, I am. Tom got me several boxes of markers, so I began to do a humongous cat in the music room. It goes from the ceiling to the floor.

Anyway, I was using black and gray for the cat, but as I started blending it, it began to turn green. Tom says there are green elements in black and gray. So, I said fuck it. I’ll just do a far-out, multicolored cat. I’ve got the head done, but the rest may take some time, as it’s so big.

I’m also doing musical notes on the little strip of wall between the hall closet and the bathroom. I took one of the 3 plastic notes (musical) I got in 1986 or 1987 and traced 9 of those. I’m using the under/over markers for it.

Later…

I didn’t get to finish writing about the business the other night cuz I just didn’t feel like it, but now I will. Tomorrow we’re gonna launch the PrintBMP and the PrintBIG programs since this weekend’s work took us longer than anticipated.

I wonder, though, could it be an example set by Tom? About a week ago he said he had a deadline to get those out for sale on America Online by yesterday. Did he deliberately delay it cuz of a comment I had made (jokingly)? I said, “Yeah, I have a deadline to find out I’m pregnant for my birthday.”

Could he have done it to show me how much longer things are gonna take? Along with other things he’s delayed? I don’t know, cuz by the way he was talking, he sounded pretty ambitious, so who the hell knows.

Anyway, I set up a display to film on the computer to make a poster. I put a white sheet on the kitchen table and the wall around it. Then I put the big stuffed tiger, flowers, a little stuffed kitty, and two pretty journals as a display.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 20, 1995 I was just bitching to Andy all about my inevitable doom from our new neighbors. He said, “I hate to say this, but you better hope Mexicans don’t move in there cuz they fix their cars all damn day, have a million family members and friends over, party all the time, and don’t care if they’re crammed into a smaller house.”

Yeah, I know. I remember that damn butch at the Vista Ventana who crammed her 10 little brothers into her 400-square-foot studio. I also remember how it was the Puerto Ricans always working on their cars on Oswego St.

Anyway, Andy’s vibes also say that I have every reason to worry. Oh, I know I do. I can’t help but think about it. This is the calm before the storm and I know that storm’s right around the corner. Only a week or two left to go. People sell their houses really damn fast here in Arizona. I think I would definitely take kids and dogs to a Mexican family. Better yet, I’d rather have to deal with and listen to my own kid.

This doesn’t hurt or anger me as much anymore, but I’ll probably mention it all my life. It’s another thing I just know. My otherwise loving and honest husband is gonna play me for a fool after I see Dr. Rugg for the third fucking time. I know Tom will never cum and I still don’t believe it’s cuz he can’t cum. Never have believed that, never will. He’s already told me too many lies pertaining to sex and a kid for me not to know better. He’s been insisting that our now sleeping together is what he needs in order to cum. Then how did he “think” I’d be pregnant at various other times when we weren’t sleeping together? Earlier, I said I’d like to do whatever it took to have a kid. Then he goes, “So, what are you gonna do? Run out and cheat on me?” I know he meant for me to take that as a joke, but I saw right through him. He may as well just have come right out and said, “Oh, no you’re not. I hold the sperm, lady, and you ain’t getting any of it cuz we are not having a child.”

OK, Tom. Whatever you say. There are other things I can do in this world. I do value my sleep and our time together and much more. I do want to go to CA, to see my family and other places.

You know what I wonder about them next door? How can they afford to move so soon? What are they doing that we’re not that enables a family of 7-8 to move, but not a family of two? Life just isn’t fair. This is when I have to count the blessings that I do have.

Perhaps they won’t sell to Mexicans cuz they’re friends with the other household next to them. The other house also has kids, though, so they won’t hear the parties and car repairs over that. I wonder if they’ll tell prospective buyers how I complained about the kids? Tom says he doubts it. The good thing about it is that I have the fan to sleep with. I didn’t have it when they were moving in and they constantly woke me up. Anyway, there’ll be no such thing anymore as being able to sit and do whatever with no music on or some kind of background noise to drown them out. There’ll be no such thing anymore as a quiet backyard.

Later…

I just checked my horoscopes throughout the rest of this month. It doesn’t seem to hint at any major crisis, but my feelings say that the new people may move in on the 27th.

I’m 104 fucking pounds! Why? Is it cuz of coming off the Theodur? I haven’t changed my eating habits and have been exercising. I think it’s cuz my last period was so very light. I’m backed up with water. A woman can have “period constipation,” just like both women and men get constipated from not shitting.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 19, 1995 Boy, do I ever have fears, worries and apprehensions. I don’t think, I know I am about to go through a hellish nightmare. Don’t get me wrong - I’m actually in a fine mood right now. It’s just another thing coming up that I know I can’t escape. It’s inevitable.

I know I’ve made the following two statements before to Tom, Andy, and in my journals. They are, “Watch, with my luck, now that they’ve been so quiet next door, they’ll move.” And also, “Things have been so much quieter around here that I fear compensation.”

Well, the first one is happening and the second one will happen. I knew God just couldn’t and wouldn’t keep the peace around here a continuous blessing. He just wants noise from mainly kids and dogs to be a constant part of my life.

I can’t believe they’re moving already! Did she know this when I sent the letter about the kids and is that the only reason why she shut the kids up? Did she say to herself, OK, OK. I’ll shut them up cuz we’re gonna move in a matter of months anyway. I wonder why. Tom speculates it’s cuz they don’t like the city and are probably moving out of state. Probably to Idaho. She said she hates the heat here.

Anyway, I know there’ll be several obnoxious kids moving in there (although one’s enough to deal with and listen to). There’ll definitely be at least one dog I’ll have to listen to, probably for way more than the month or so their dog barked non-stop when they first got here.

I’m so tempted to beg God to please let it be a couple like Tom and I or an elderly person. Someone with very little company, no kids and no dogs!

But I know better. It’s gonna happen. I’ve just got to face it and deal with it. I only hope and pray that when it comes time for me to go over there or send them a “please quiet down” letter that they give a shit. About 90% of the population wouldn’t have been so kind, considerate and understanding about it as Lenore was. I’m so pissed, though. I know there are gonna be loud kids. I know there are gonna be loud dogs. It just ticks me off so much and makes me so nervous that I’ve got to try not to think about it till it happens. And it will happen.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 18, 1995 Can’t sleep yet, so I may as well write. Or maybe not since I can’t think of anything to say.

I think I’ll go work on my puzzle.

Later…

Not much has happened since I last wrote. I talked to Larry today and I finally remembered to ask him how long he and Sandy have been married. Since 1977.

He said he also called Tammy on her birthday, but couldn’t call me cuz he put the phone down and fell asleep and she was still there when he awoke the next morning.

Also, he’s waiting for money from the bank to buy some tractor-trailers and work in an office.

I told him in my letter not to get an office in Springfield cuz his windows will get smashed every night.

Karson just called and I’ll probably talk to her and Andy tonight.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 17, 1995 When Tom got home he fixed the phone in the bedroom, oiled the squeaky bedroom doorknob, and called Tammy with me.

We also went swimming and ordered a pizza before going down on me.

Yesterday Andy told me he was pissed cuz Bug’s decided to keep her baby and not do the right thing. He asked her how she was gonna afford to take care of it when she can’t even afford to take care of herself. Her brilliant answer was that she’d worry about it when the time came. Fine time to start worrying! She’ll just be another welfare mom. She was supposed to have her 7-year-old son who’s living with his dad in Florida come live with her, but she can’t afford him, either. As I reminded Andy, this is how God wants it. She can forget about ever bothering to write to me cuz I don’t want anything to do with her.

Last night I spoke with Andy, Karson and Quinn’s girlfriend Jen. It was pretty funny. Everyone loved it when I said the line: Karson, I heard they used you to impregnate a bunny. She recorded us on her regular answering machine. Then she gave me her code to record it, but it sounds terribly distorted.

Yesterday, Tom and I were checking out a magazine on Prodigy. It listed the 300 biggest cities, then put them in order from best to worst. The lower the number, the better. Phoenix was at 94. Springfield was at 278.

Later…

Today was a fairly decent day which became a little dismal. I feel it was my fault, though. The baby desires were kicking in which I should’ve known better is an obvious turn-off to Tom, no matter what he says. I have to remember and keep in mind that no matter how much he says he wants a kid - he doesn’t. No matter how much he says he’ll cum - he won’t. He says he feels like we’re still newlyweds cuz we just started sleeping together. I’m not gonna buy into his teasing games of having a kid, though. After I see Dr. Rugg, which is a legit excuse where we can’t screw, there’ll be some other excuse where we don’t do it more often and why he can’t cum.

I was really annoyed today when we were at McDonald’s. Well, the kids get rowdier and noisier, as parents are less able and willing to control their kids. It was a zoo in there. The point is, well, I could be wrong, but didn’t he eat much much slower than usual to rub it into my face?

Earlier I had him go down on me, but I could not cum cuz I felt bad for taking him away from his baseball game on TV. I still feel that that and a few other things are a higher priority than sex. I laughed earlier when he told me he’s horny all the time. Well, he does a damn good job at hiding it! I’m sure he relieves himself in his wet dreams and in the bathroom. He always goes to the bathroom before we do anything. Could this be to relieve himself so he won’t get off with me? Sometimes he doesn’t seem like he’s in there long enough to get off, but who knows?

Sexually, he just is not your typical male. Non-sexually, yes, but without the violent side, of course.

Dr. Nielsen says my ear looks great. He removed tons of dead skin from the graft and I’ll be seeing him again in 3 months. On November 16.

After the appointment was when we went to McDonald’s, then to the grocery store where we picked up a few things.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 16, 1995 Two out of 3 calls have been made to Tammy. The first time I called Bill answered saying she was at her neighbor Tammy’s pool. Andy and I called the second time and I let her know Tom and I would call her back later.

Andy figured out his fingerspelling message on the phone.

I’m shocked at just how happy Karson was to get my letter. Andy played me two messages she left him saying she couldn’t wait to read my letter to him. Andy liked it. Especially my question: How come the sun makes things lighter and people darker? Well, it’s an honest, legit question!

He said she said she began writing me back and when Andy asked her to read what she wrote so far, she said no, it was too personal. Really? She said Andy knows everything about her, so what would she have to tell me that’s so personal? Naturally, I’ll read it to Andy, but we won’t tell her that.

Sarah should get my letter today.

Later…

I just spoke to Karson who says I can read her letter to others when I get it. This could be pure bullshit, but she claims she got around 90 free CDs from Power 95 radio station cuz she knows people there and that she can also get me CDs. She’s also a big Gloria fan.

I made an appointment to see Dr. Rugg for 5 PM on the 21st. No sex for me till the 22nd if Tom’s up to it then and awake enough for it. Thank God I’m not due for my period on the 23rd - 25th or so, cuz I’d be so horny. They told me no sex 3-4 days before the appointment, but Tom said we should make it 5 days before. Anything for him to get out of it, huh?

So far our sleeping together hasn’t made him any hornier, but we’ll see when he’s less horny. I woke twice last night. Once he was snoring so incredibly loud. It was like this crackling sound. I yelled at him to stop and he did. Then I awoke cuz the door handle squeaked, but I was ready to get up then, anyway. He said he overslept. I didn’t hear his alarm, at least.

Gotta see Dr. Nielsen tomorrow.

I hooked up the phone that was in the bedroom in here, but I can’t get a dial tone.

I figured out what I’m gonna do with those 104 remaining pages, not 105 cuz I forgot Tom wrote a page. I’ll list each journal, my age, city, street, state, and year it was written. Then my neighbors and any significant events I can think of or remember off the top of my head. Of course, I could be off a book or two. I said Crystal lived with me in #1, but I think it was more like #2.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 15, 1995 Again, I had no problems sleeping last night.

I called Karson last night. We had a quick, but nice chat. She and Andy left me messages last night. Usually, if I don’t talk to Andy at night, he calls at around 1:30 PM when he wakes up.

Labor Day is the 4th, but I’m not gonna call Lenny till the 6th. So, there are 23 more days to go.

Today I’m mailing out pictures to Tammy and my parents. Also, 6-page letters to Sarah and Andy.

We tried to superimpose a picture of me standing with my arms both down by my side and raised up over my head. It came out blurry and funny and there were 4 copies of it, so I’m sending Andy one.

It’s still nice and quiet in this room. The only time I hear barking is in the early evening, but it’s nothing too constant or severe.

Later…

If I stop in the middle of a sentence, it’s cuz Andy may call.

Yesterday Tom told me he had a dream that he was telling someone else that he had a dream that he went to a kangaroo race where each kangaroo was a different, yet solid color. Blue, green, red, etc.

Now that the side of my journal bookcase is exposed and I don’t have it jammed up against the waterbed, I redid my large print journal chart so I can see each one well. It takes up 4 pages. I used 4 different colors for each page - pink, green, purple and blue.

I also dimmed the too-brightly lit clock on the other VCR which is now in the bedroom. I put 4 pieces of tape over it. This way it’s dim, but you can still read the time at night. Or even in the day since it’s always so dark in there with no lights on.

They have this obnoxious security light next door. It’s always been there. Even before they moved in over there. Certain sounds or motions trip it off. So, it can be pleasantly and relaxingly dark in here while I’m listening to music, then that thing glares on.

The non-sleeping, possibly tweaker daddy just came home. This is an odd time for that. Maybe Lenore had to go for a check-up for her hundredth kid.

What do I do with 105 spare pages, let alone 100 as I thought it’d be? I finished copying the remainder of my story into 91, so now I’ll have to decide what to do with those 105 remaining pages.

Later…

I will never buy another L’Oreal product for as long as I live. This Megahard product has proven to be useless. It chips off just as quickly and as easily as regular nail polish does.

Anyway, Karson called all happy about getting my letter. She could read it, too. We were wondering if she was illiterate. She says she’ll write me back. She says she writes sloppily. I don’t care about misspelled words, but I hate sloppy, hard-to-read letters. She said she’ll try to get over to her mother’s house, who also lives in Mesa, to use her computer to do my letter on, but it can’t do any fancy fonts. That’s OK. She said she’s not gonna toss my letter in an NPN envelope; she’s gonna keep it.

She too, hates the name Jodi just as much as I do. She also hates MA. She went to Quincy, Dorset and Braintree a few years ago at Christmas time.

Hopefully, Sarah will get her letter tomorrow in Cucamonga, CA. Andy loved his last letter, saying it was so funny.

He says he hasn’t figured out the fingerspelling message but thinks someone he knows at work can. What’s the big deal? How can he not figure it out when I wrote the letters in when I first printed out the alphabet? Well, he did say that although it’s cool, he can’t deal with it.

I got a little more color today. The nice thing about it is, is that I look more brownish for a change, rather than reddish. I hate red/pink-tinged skin.

Later…

Tom just called to tell me he’s running late but will be home in about half an hour.

I was doing some word search puzzles, but now I’m bored. I’m still outside now where it’s still hot and humid. Not as hot and humid, though.

Later…

Tom’s home now eating the hot dogs and cheesy potatoes I made him.

He’s been up since 1:30 last night. Must’ve been not too long after I fell asleep. He said he should’ve gone to the bathroom before bed, cuz if he doesn’t, he wakes up having to go.

It’s a good thing I’m not horny now cuz there’s no way we’re having sex tonight. Probably not till after my appointment.

Tomorrow’s Tammy’s birthday. I asked Tom if he wanted me to go ahead and call her whenever I could, or wait till he came home. He said, go ahead and call, since it’s later in the east, then we’ll call again together after he gets home.

Later…

Karson just called again, so we’re chatting.

Tom told me of an awesome idea he had. He said he was gonna surprise me, but decided to tell me about it cuz he was excited about it. He wants to cut a square piece of wood and glue a picture of his choice that I drew onto it. Then he’s gonna trace the lines with a carving knife. How cool!

No barking at all today or this evening. God, please keep it that way! They’ve been great. He hasn’t even sat there gunning that van for 45 minutes.

So, after Tom ate he closed the vents in the bedrooms even more for the second time since it was still an icebox in them. Then he took out the garbage and then we went swimming. Then he came in and played golf on the computer while I gave the birds more birdseed. Shortly after that, he went to bed.

He says he likes the fan being on, too. I didn’t ask him why, so I’ll have to ask him why cuz I’m curious.

Later…

It’s cloudy, windy and drizzling out there now. I love it when it’s brighter at night like it is now, which is weird since it’s cloudy and there’s no moon. I could practically read this out there now. I can see the drain at the deepest part of the pool and can read “paddock pools” printed on the top step. I usually can’t see the drain, let alone read the pool name on the top step.

Later…

I’ve actually come to hope they stick around next door till we move. As far as the dog situation goes, there are other houses where dogs bark way more. The houses 2 and 3 houses down, the old man on the other corner of N. 21 Ave. and W. Weldon. I only hope there are no problems when the weather cools down. On the other hand, Tom said the dogs are out when it’s a scorcher. He’s seen them when he’s gone up on the roof to adjust the cooler and stuff like that constantly. He said as long as they have shade and water, they’re fine. So maybe the winter will be OK. Their first dog was fine last winter. It was only when they first got here that I wanted to kill it. I would prefer to not ever hear other people’s noise or animals, but if it doesn’t get any worse than it has been, great.

Karson’s been a cool phone pal, but I’m gonna do what Andy’s done for over a year and what he says he will always do and that’s to never meet her in person. We like that mystery behind our phone pal, who may also be an occasional pen pal for me too. Andy has other friends that know what she looks like. Supposedly she’s straight, but we hear she’s fat, bald and dyky.

Tom adjusted the vents perfectly this time. It’s very comfy in here, and oh shit! We’re gonna have to get another portable heater. That’s just life.

Later…

I know I’m being a bad girl by smoking in this room. I just get sick of running out back, but I may as well.

Later…

OK, I’m back.

I think tomorrow I’ll take the phone that’s in the bedroom and stick it in here.

MONDAY, AUGUST 14, 1995 I can’t believe how much we did yesterday! Also, I can’t believe the cute neat room I’m in right now was once Tom’s trashed bedroom. I think he misses having even less space to trash, though.

I slept just fine last night. I heard him leave as I was getting up, so we’ll have to see how well he slept when he comes home. He should be home within a half-hour.

I’m amazed at how quiet it’s been in this bedroom so far! I thought I’d have to have the music on constantly to drown out the dogs. Oh, I hope it stays this way!

Anyway, I really hope Tom’s heart is as much in this as mine is and as he says it is.

I would still bet a million bucks that Tom will never let go and cum. I don’t see how this or anything else could change him with that after all this time. Now that we’re sleeping together (almost) he’ll make up some new excuse as to why he’s not cumming. I will try to give him the benefit of the doubt and give it about a month.

The good news is that the baby desire is quite low. As long as I have no reason to believe pregnancy is possible, I like it this way. It makes my life easier and I’m not so anxious, depressed, or bitter with Tom.

There’s still room in here to throw Tom’s bed in here in case one of us is very backed up in our sleep, but I can’t see that happening. I sure hope not as I really love this change!

Later…

Tom’s home now and he slept just fine. I’m cooking us pork chops right now.

Well, I may have an excuse of my own for him not to cum for another 6 months to a year or so. Tammy doesn’t have a date yet, but in either late March or early April, Lisa will be having her Bat mitzvah. Mom and Dad are gonna be there and she’d like us to be there, but it’s too far off to know if we can make it then. It’d be nice to not have a kid so we could go and see everyone at once. Then in the future years, we can either just go to New England or just go to Florida. I’m sure there’ll be no kid and that we can go. Somehow we’ll get there in 1996. How much do you want to bet, though, that if it were our kid, Mom and Dad would never be there no matter where they lived? She said to us on the phone, though, she trusts whatever we do. I’ll have to remind her of that statement and how she raves of Tom and of how far I’ve come if we have a kid by a miracle. I may not even bother, though, if I was pregnant and she gave us any shit. I mean, I may either not bother telling her or defend myself if I do. Why bother worrying about a bridge I’ll never cross? Yes, my very, very strong vibe is setting in. I know he’ll never cum.

Speaking of my other vibes, I hope the results aren’t the opposite of what I feel for Labor Day. Before when I called Barbara, I had a bad vibe but got good results. I hope that cuz I have a good vibe for Labor Day that doesn’t mean that I’ll get nowhere. We’ll see in a few weeks. I left Barbara a message saying I got ahold of Leonard and will let her know if I get any news after I talk to him.

I’m done eating and after Tom gets done eating, we’ll go through the pictures together. There are about 7 I want to get copies of.

Karson tried calling last night, but she obviously called after I crashed.

Tom closed the bedroom vents a little cuz it was an icebox in those rooms.

Tonight, I’m gonna start Sarah’s letter.

Anyway, the bedroom looks a little funny with the two beds side by side like I thought it might, but who gives a shit? It’s our house. In the bedroom, there are also the vanity, the dresser, and a little flowered cardboard chest of drawers. In the music room, as I call it, is the stereo, Tom’s dresser, a night table, the tall bookcase with all the journals, and this table I’m writing on. I began redoing the walls and now there’s plenty of more room on the walls for wall art and puzzles.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 13, 1995 Tom’s setting up the waterbed which we just drained. Once the beds are set up, it should be much easier from there. Then it’ll just be a matter of dusting, vacuuming, and throwing the remainder of our stuff and furniture back into place wherever.

Well, I finished Karson’s letter, throughout all our work. Karson Brewington is her full name. Next, I’ll be doing a letter for Sarah Sandy. I did a 4-page letter for Karson using 6 different fonts. I’ll probably do a 6-page letter for Sarah and we’ll see if she doubles it and sends me a 12-page letter. I wonder if Karson will write me back. We shall soon see.

Andy said he dumped Kim for good (I hope). It’s for two reasons. Cuz she lies and is having a baby she’s too young for and not ready for.

And God doesn’t make any mistakes? I wonder about this one.

He says he wishes it were mine.

Tom told me last night that I don’t even know him sexually yet and that it was impossible for him to “be himself” sexually while we weren’t sleeping together. Time will tell if he’s all talk or not on that one.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 12, 1995 Tom and I spoke to Mom earlier, but Dad was at the flea market. She seemed to be in a really good mood. I asked her if she was used to being married for so long and to ask the same question to Dad. She said they were only dating.

I’ll be 72 when we’re married for 44 years. Damn!

I told her that I put in a request for recipes to her in my letter. During Jewish holidays as I was growing up, we’d have a couple of things that were so good.

In response to my note, Tom said we can begin the preliminary rearranging which needs to be done anyway, then we can decide from there if we want to continue with it. I don’t know. His heart just doesn’t seem into it. We agreed it’ll probably take 1-3 weekends to move all the stuff, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Instill-Patience-in-Jodi took much longer.

Today’s another fine example of just how much he says he’s interested in sex and wants to do it more often. If this is true, then why is he out watching TV when he’s not working on the back room? Why can’t he make time for us? Well, I can’t force him.

Later we’re going out to develop some film and also pick up some wire earring holders for my beaded lampshade.

Later…

I just finished a letter to Alex. I also did letters for my parents, Tammy and Andy.

When I had given Andy a few NPN envelopes with a letter I had sent Kim in fingerspelling he thought it was really neat. So for his letter, I printed the alphabet, wrote the letters next to each one, then a message for him to figure out. The message said: Tom is eating pizza while I’m typing this letter to my favorite femmy.

It’s hard to believe that I’m only 5 journals away from 100!

Later…

I only have a few minutes to write cuz we’re gonna be leaving.

Today I have letters going out to Andy, Tammy, Alex, Bob, and my parents. Monday I’ll send out letters to Minnie, Kim, Karson, and Sarah, but I’ll explain that later.

Later…

Just got in. We ate, picked up two new journals, and some earring wires.

We also got pictures developed. Some look good and some look shitty.

Sarah, who lives in CA has been a friend of Andy’s for a while. He says she loves to write and will send me double the amount of writing I send her. Andy said she’s read and liked stuff I’ve written before, so I could write to her if I wanted. I’ll be writing to her and to Karson.

Later…

I’ve been up for 12 hours now, so I’m getting sort of tired. I’ve been tired a lot lately and Tom says it’s cuz I stopped my vitamins which is a very big and important thing to keep up on once you begin them. I stopped cuz he accidentally got orange ones. Yuck!

Tom may be a little too non-physical, but not with the back room. He really made some major progress with it and in his room as well.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 11, 1995 Nervous is 54 today and tomorrow’s Fran’s birthday. He’ll be somewhere between 32-34.

Tom surprised me again by agreeing to move his bed and TV in here and my stereo into his room. I wouldn’t be shocked if he waited a while on this one, but that’s cool.

He says he wants sex to be more spontaneous and to be able to wake up horny and have sex every now and then as long as we’re both well-rested. He says this is what he needs to up his sexual drive and to cum. Time will tell if his actions on that will be put where his mouth is. Meanwhile, dealing with not having a kid is still much easier in general and for this I’m grateful.

Later…

I spoke to Andy earlier who had me tape onto his message tape and edit a great convo he and Karson left on his machine last night. I did edit it and I left it on his machine. The pregnant dope child (Kim) left him two messages.

We were talking the other night about how if someone were to try to kick that baby right out of her stomach, I’d cheer them on. Where do you draw the line between not telling others what to do with their lives, and kids/druggies/abusers having kids? This burns me up even if I didn’t ever want a child. I know all too well what it’s like to be an unwanted child and there are just too many of them. Not to mention those born to the other types of people I just mentioned.

Anyway, Andy mentioned something about her being over at their other friend’s places and that maybe she lied about being pregnant (I hope). He also said she said they were all trying to beat her up at one point and that she ran for her life and mentioned going back to her dad’s in CA. This is the one that also lies all the time. So her first message said, “I suppose you’re mad at me, but please call me.”

The other one mentioned her going to St. Joe’s Hospital.

We got the 5 books of sticker stamps we ordered. They’re so much better than regular stamps.

Got a letter from Alex which he did on his work computer at work. It was nice with a cartoon character, then - Greetings from Vermont. It was a full-page letter. He says he still likes sending regular letters every so often besides email. I’ll send him a regular letter, too. It’ll give him a chance to see some new address labels.

We sent email messages to each other today. His job’s OK, but he’s very lonely. I think he wishes he was married and had kids. He sure does want to be with someone long-term, though. He also says he asked Kim over the TTY why their encounters never took a serious turn. I don’t think Alex is Kim’s type.

Later…

Tom got home a half-hour ago. He picked up something from Arby’s and got me KFC.

What a case of “Bronco Piggy” earlier, too. After we ate, I brought him out to the living room floor where he got all playful and hyped up with running around. They shake their heads, jump, and buck when they’re playful.

He’s finally starting to use his new burrow. I guess it was just that the heavy wood was overwhelming to him after being so used to flimsy cardboard ones.

Later…

Last night Andy had a wonderful 35-minute conversation with Barbara Nicks (Stevie’s mother). He said he was really nervous talking to her. As nervous as he’d be talking to Stevie. Then he said she said not to be nervous at all cuz she’s just like any other person. She knows of his friend Michelle from her store in Payson, AZ where I guess she sells decorative stuff mainly. Michelle brought her some Halloween decorations, went trick or treating at her house once, and Barbara says she’ll put her stuff on display this Halloween. He told her his name and number and truthfully how he got her number. Michelle had a business phonebook with a 1976 listing of it.

Andy wouldn’t tell her, of course, about stealing Stevie’s garbage and all the information he’s now got.

Barbara told him she just listened to Stevie’s latest demo and that he’ll be happy to know she’s written some beautiful songs. Barbara said she’d love to hear the many bootleg songs he’s got. I advised him to wait on that and to be careful. He shouldn’t lend his original copies cuz he doesn’t know if she won’t return them. She was surprised he knew Stevie’s address, saying she had thought it was a well-guarded secret. He assured her, though, that he’d never invade her privacy.

Anyway, he says she was very sweet and that he could call anytime he wanted. Cool. Just maybe he will meet Stevie someday if he gets chummy with Barbara.

Oh, I just can’t fucking wait till after Labor Day! I hope to hell that when I call him, he doesn’t brush me off as I feared Barbara M would.

I tossed an idea at Tom who said that should be spontaneous, too. My idea was to start the kid next June (like he really ever could!). Why? Cuz that’d give us more time to have a life, and have each other without a third party in the way full-time (I hope I won’t feel that way, though). To let us adjust to sleeping together or in the same room. To give us a better chance of seeing my family in May. Lastly, to avoid being at the end of the pregnancy during the hottest part of the year. Then again, I wouldn’t be going out very often at all if I was pregnant and I certainly wouldn’t be in a bikini tanning! Anyway, the spontaneity of it does sound good and it’d be also just as easy for me to find reasons not to have a kid for 10 years. Or right now. Or never.

Later…

Tom and I were just discussing the last of the room arranging details. It oughta be done over the next 1-3 weekends. We are gonna drain and move the waterbed down so we can lay our beds side by side. For the most part, neither of us will be in here except to sleep.

I just really hope to hell this works out. Our new arrangement, I mean. I don’t see why it shouldn’t. Hopefully, the next step will be to drain the waterbed to put the one we want in the waterbed frame and move his to wherever.

I also hope it won’t be years before we can get that mattress, better yet move! On the other hand, the move’s gonna be a bitch and I feel really bad about it. It was all my idea and my idea only and I know he’s not looking forward to this. The guy’s busy enough with enough projects. So we wait a year or two for the bed we want and the kid - big deal. And you know my opinion about his cumming and the kid. It’s not gonna happen. I don’t want a kid bad enough to slave him through the ground like that.

I just put the cooler on for fresh air and man is it humid out!

I began letters to Tammy and my parents today. I still have Andy’s to do, as well as one for Alex.

Later…

I just left him a note concerning all my thoughts about the rearranging. He’ll probably be getting up before me. This way he’s had time to think about it. I need and want the final decision to be his. Right now, I feel as if he’s doing this all for me, just to make me happy. It’s like how I feel about sex. It’s all for me and to please me only, which would be fine with anyone else.

Well, I’ve got to go change channels on the VCR for stuff I’m recording.

Later…

Wrong. I don’t have to change channels till 9:00. It sure is windy as all hell out there now. I wonder how the TV reception will be. Well, these aren’t movies I’m just dying to see, so if they don’t come out well - fine.

Anyway, Tom is the most confusing and strangest person I’ve ever known as far as sex goes. If I could only make love to Tom on a bed of nails at planned times, I’d still have no problem with it and getting off cuz I love him. Isn’t what’s in your heart and mind supposed to be what really counts when you love someone and are in a relationship, making getting off all the easier and more natural? If you hate the person or aren’t attracted to them, or both, then I can see there being a big problem. He told me yesterday he needs to sleep with me in order for things to change sexually, meaning for him to cum. That’s not what he usually says. Why does he have to keep changing his story on this? Is it part of a game? What does he really want from me? He’s told me, but obviously, I’m either not able to deliver and please him in ways, or he’s not making himself clear enough to me. I like to take care of myself most of the time still, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we were sleeping together and there were a series of new excuses for not having too much sex and no cumming. What about earlier tonight for example? There was plenty of time for way more than just a quickie, but all he did was the TV and the computer in between our discussions.

Anyway, here’s a list of some of my own projects that I want to do. As far as taping goes, I still need to do more editing and more medley work. There are more beading ideas to try out, as well as making that beaded barrette off of the bead loom. Gotta experiment with that Melody Maestro and maybe write some more lyrics. Gotta finish copying my story, and I know there are other things to be doing. I still haven’t decided on what I’ll do with the 100 pages or so that’ll remain in 91, but I’ll come up with something.

Did I write about the lampshade I decorated yet? I’m hanging strands of beads off of it with earring wires.

I decided not to bother with making an up-duct mobile.

Now it’s time to change channels, so I’ll be right back.

Later…

Fuck changing channels. The reception’s pretty lousy. Thank God there’s no movie in which I felt I just absolutely had to see.

Well, it looks like today is the day I’ll be going onto journal 95. I didn’t think I’d get to it till Monday.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 10, 1995 Got a letter from Bob today in which he also enclosed that letter he got from Minnie saying she was cutting him off for her son’s sake. So basically, Minnie got nasty on Bob while she was doing what she had to do, huh? I read the letter to Kim and Andy cuz we all talked today (the Kim from Massachusetts) I played Kim part of Sally’s tape and now that I know Andy’s friend has a few copies, he’s gonna give me one to send to Kim.

She was looking up drugs in her medical book on stuff Stevie’s taking when our discussion began with some interesting experiences she’s had in the ER. This woman had had kids, and naturally, kids make you fat. So when she was in the triage area, she was told she was pregnant and she didn’t even know it. Another woman was so fat, didn’t know it, came into the ER with abdominal pain and had a baby 5 minutes later. So I asked her if they got their periods and she said they had gotten all or some of them, but that they were really light. She said no, that’s not the norm but it does happen, and I guess she would know being a nurse and all that. I asked her how the blood flow doesn’t end up flushing it out, and she said it can, but not necessarily if the period is light. I once knew a woman who I met a week before she had a kid and I had no idea she was pregnant cuz she was so fat.

Later…

I asked Kim what she thought of our cases about Robin and Greg since we’ve both been forgetting to mention it. I also updated her on my call to Leonard K and she thought it was cool.

Yesterday, after Andy read me a half-crazy, half-sexual letter he’s mailing to Sarah in CA and told me he was on the phone for an hour with a DJ at KHITS who was cracking up about it, we called Tammy. We all teased each other and talked about stuff in general.

Tammy asked Andy what he wants to do to make more money, but he hasn’t a clue. Then Tammy goes, “At 33 years old, you haven’t figured it out yet?”

Then I said it took her till she was 38. She said that was due to her having kids. True. Plus, if I were in her shoes I’d want to stay home, too. Even so, I get awfully sick of hearing Tammy judging people. Why doesn’t she just worry about her own damn self for a change and forget about what everyone else is up to?

Tom’s home now, so c-ya!

Later…

Last night the not sleeping together was really getting to me. I wish I could just be normal at times. Sleep normally with my husband and have a normal sex life. Instead, we can’t sleep together and I’ve got a guy here who’s hardly ever horny and who doesn’t cum. He’s improving on several things, but as far as sleeping together goes, more sex and the kid, he’s all talk and no action.

Anyway, I told him I had the idea of putting his bed by the waterbed where the stereo is and sticking the stereo in his room. I measured it and it didn’t quite fit in. Again, I ask myself the same thing about sleeping together as with the kid. Do I really want that? Does he? I don’t think either of us is that ambitious or motivated. I also believe at times that something up there doesn’t want us sleeping together and I know it doesn’t want us having a kid.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 9, 1995 What luck I had today! I called Barbara who said she hadn’t heard a word from Charlie. Then as I was chatting with Dad, she beeped in. She gave me the name of the former director whose name is Leonard K, and his address in Florida.

I told her she should be a detective. She said if not that, then in the business of helping people, which she loves to do. I am sooo appreciative of her and will be sending her a thank you card when this is all over.

So, I called information and was able to get his number, so I didn’t have to write to him in Boca Raton, FL. The wife answered after my call was rerouted to an area code in New York. I told her I was calling from Phoenix Arizona with questions about Camp Naomi. I heard her repeat this to Leonard who laughed and asked her if she was serious. When he took the phone, I said hi and that yes, I was serious. I explained my case from the beginning as I did with Barbara, telling him what my last name was at the time, the year it was, little details I could remember about Robin, that I wasn’t sure if that was her name, and that I wanted to find this woman and thank her for helping me through a very troubled time in my life.

To back up a bit, the reason why Barbara beeped in was cuz she had just finally gotten ahold of Charlie.

So he told me to call him in FL after Labor Day, cuz that’s where his records are. So, he does have records - great! It gets even greater, though. I described the cabin she was in and he knew what cabin I was talking about! I’ve gone from finding out the town it was in, to the people involved, and now I’m at the cabin door! Now all I have to do is really get my foot in that cabin door and get a name. A bigger part of me hopes she’s alive so I can thank her. Then I can be left with a new case to work on - finding out who that entity really was.

I was right about another thing. He said that if she wasn’t in a cabin with kids, she had to be a supervisor. Also, she couldn’t have been only 16. She’d have had to be maybe 18-19. He asked if she were attractive. Maybe, but I thought she was more on the plain side.

Anyway, I mentioned that my parents live in FL. He asked where and I told him Palm City. He’s originally from MA and I said, “So, you escaped the cold and snow like I did?”

I guess there were two Camp Naomi’s, cuz at first he asked me if I went to the one in Maine or MA. So, now I’m excited to see what he can tell me after Labor Day. For him to know what cabin I was talking about and have records gives me great hope.

I just finished my last round of antibiotics and Tom’s home now, so I’ll go share the great news with him and finish writing later.

Later…

I just told Tom the news and now he’s eating.

Oh, I wish tomorrow could be about two days after Labor Day, then we could go back to where we are now on the calendar.

Yesterday I called and asked a pharmacist if getting off the Theodur or taking these particular antibiotics could make a period so light that it was a little more than spotting. He said anything’s possible and that anything can affect periods. He also said that serious working out and some women who are weightlifters don’t get them at all. Cool! I asked Tom if he’d worry if I didn’t get periods. He said no. Then why would he prefer me not to take birth control which can stop periods? What’s the difference? He doesn’t want a kid, anyway.

Kim called yesterday and she read me a part of Bob’s corny love letter that she just got. We talked about odds and ends and she says Doug still doesn’t always cum and that when he does, she can’t feel it or tell in any way.

The asshole mailman fucked up yet again. He delivered mail from Australia for that Irene W. I just wrote “redeliver to proper address” on it and will put it out tomorrow. So, this means that if Minnie did send me a letter, someone else got it.

Last night Andy picked up the stuff I said I had for him and left me that teddy. It’s too lacy and my sensitive skin can’t deal with that so he’s gonna give it to Pam.

Today Andy and I both called Tammy, but I’ll write up on it later.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 8, 1995 I’m a little behind in writing, so time to catch up. I’ve been very drowsy since I’ve been taking these antibiotics but feeling better. Nowhere near as congested, and the discharges have stopped.

However, I’ve had the lightest period in about 10 years. I’ve only had brownish-colored spotting since the 5th. I’ll probably end up marking it from the 5th to yesterday or today on the chart. For next year’s periods, I probably won’t bother to chart the number of days from the beginning of a period to the start of one. I am totally shocked, though, that my period hasn’t hit me full blast. My boobs are less tender, though, so I can’t complain about that. Hopefully, it’ll hit me tomorrow so I can get some of this water off of me. It must be due to the antibiotics or getting off the Theodur.

My stomach has felt sooo much better since being off the Theodur and my skin is softer. I don’t know about my nails, though, till I remove my polish. Somehow, I really think that no matter what does or doesn’t go into my body, my nails will never look better and lose their serious ridges.

Tomorrow I’ll be calling the JCC and on the 15th, I’ll schedule another goddamn appointment with Dr. Rugg and believe me, this one’s the last! Again, I wouldn’t be shocked if she were to tell me something was wrong since I now have a life and care about my body. It’s always the ones who don’t give a shit that are healthy. Anyway, I do feel good, just tired.

Later…

I just got off the phone with Bill who said Tammy will be taking some courses at a college. Can’t wait to hear about it. Just a few months ago, though, she was telling me she could never do these kinds of things with kids.

This weekend was great. We had a lot of fun and it was so nice to see Tom not be all too much of a behaved gentleman for a change. In fact, we both got so goofy, that we broke our scale! He weighed himself at 208. Then I weighed myself at 100. Obviously, the scale had a 300-pound limit, cuz when he picked me up and stepped on it after I said I wondered what we weighed together, it broke. So, the next morning we went to Wal-Mart where we got a new scale and a few other things.

He got sports CDs for the computer.

We got a new cushioned toilet seat with a floral pattern on its cover.

I got 4 sheets of 9 really beautiful cat stickers.

I also got 4 puzzles with a neat offer inside. After you’ve gotten 8 puzzles, you can send in for a picture which they’ll make into a puzzle.

It all began when I saw the table Tom built and said it’d be a neat puzzle table. That gave Tom an idea. Instead of putting that table in the back room, we put the one back there that’s in the living room. That way he can pile up all his junk on that. So, we got a couple of cans of spray paint. I wanted neon pink. The cover looked neon pink and the name of it was Pasadena Pink, but it looks more like a neon red. It still looks great, though, and is perfect for puzzle-making. The only bad thing about it is its coarse texture.

I got two cat puzzles, a dog puzzle, and a teddy bear puzzle. I’ve already done the cat one (one of them) which is in the living room. The other 3 will be going in my room.

Tom also built Piggy a burrow, but I’ve only seen him in there once. Tom says he thinks it’s cuz of the heat and to give it time.

Saturday, I got a manila envelope from Kim containing about 6 letters I sent her and about 10 letters she got from Bob. I put mine in NPN envelopes. Bob’s letters were so typical, yet so funny. There were some really funny and corny lines and drawings. I’m giving Andy my NPNs to mail, Bob’s letters, and the scale I had and used until I moved in here.

Real early this morning Andy told me he found a black lace teddy in 100% fine condition that’s my size in the dumpster. He will be bringing me that.

He also said, “This may sound bizarre, but I’ve got Greg trapped in the walls.” Then he proceeded to tell me how he accidentally discovered a hole in his bathroom wall where a dent had been made. He said there was a round adhesive disk covering it which would fall off. So, after he glued it on he says he’s never sensed Greg and his TV reception is fine. The times it’s fallen off, though, he says was a different story. Lately, Andy hasn’t felt like dealing with Greg.

He said that he and Michelle (who he thinks may be gay but is only 20 and perhaps in the closet) have an idea. To go over to Sally’s house and say that she’s been sending the same tape and that Stevie would like to hear something different and that they’re Stevie’s people sent to deliver this message. I didn’t know this, but Andy says that every two weeks she mails the same exact tape and has already sent about 5 hoping she’ll eventually get a response. Andy said that what he thinks happened is that when Stevie got Sally’s first tape and letter, she realized how whacked she is and told her assistant to ditch anything from Sally Schaefer without even opening it. Anyway, they found one opened package from Sally which was probably one of those same tapes. Andy believes that due to it arriving while Stevie was out of town, the assistant got curious, opened it, and kept the tape.

Later…

Spoke to Andy for an hour. Maybe more. I can totally relate to what he was pissed off about. He told the exterminator to come after 3:00 since he doesn’t usually get up till after noon. They said that would be no problem, but what did they do? Came at 11:00. I would’ve been just as pissed and I used to be at the Vista Ventana when I told them to come after 2:00 or 3:00 and they came at 10:30. I had to dance that night, too.

I had a very good talk with Bob yesterday for about 20 minutes. He said he had taken 150 envelopes and drawn all of them up one night and he’s sorry and it won’t happen again. I’m glad we got this misunderstanding cleared up and that it won’t happen again, as I miss him as a pen pal.

I teased him about having one too many and he giggled despite his situation and really misses that. He even said in Kim’s letters how he missed my funny sayings.

He says he’s in a 2-man cell with others in his area in for the same thing.

He’s sending me a letter he got from Minnie (who I haven’t heard from) that he wants to be sent back after I read it. Cool.

Tom estimated that I smoke $50 worth of cigarettes a month and that if I quit, I should take that money to buy doggie mugs, journals, CDs, art stuff, clothes, whatever I want. Oh, I wish!

SATURDAY, AUGUST 5, 1995 Yesterday I was up 18 hours, so I wasn’t too happy when I awoke only 6 hours later. I awoke at 8:30, but I managed to nap from about 11 PM - 1 AM. I’m still groggy and still waking up, so I will return later.

Later…

I’m making pork chops right now and Tom should be getting up anytime now. The timer gets stuck and I don’t know if I can wash it or what, so I’ll ask him what he thinks is best later.

It looks like my period’s beginning two days earlier, but fine, I’ll get it over with.

I worked out, swam, cleaned the bathroom, and talked to Andy.

I had a nice realization earlier. I feel that getting off the Theodur is such a great accomplishment. Not a hard and challenging one, but something I’ve hoped I could someday do, and now I’ve only got 3 more goals left - the singing, the kid, and quitting smoking. I don’t think numbers 2 and 3 are possible, but I sure thank God for this climate and the Phase-Out. Also, how it’s been easier in general to deal with having no kid. I still don’t feel like I want a kid 100% of the time. There are times, depending on my mood, schedule, etc., when I’m glad I don’t have one. This is the way I see it - That I can either have a kid, or Tom, family, friends, vacations, the business, the singing, other hobbies, and life. The way I wish I could see it is that I could have it all. Tom believes we can have a kid and all the other things in life we want. I guess the reason why I see it as one or the other is due to what Tammy’s said, and other mothers. I also want to stay 100 pounds and not have my skin made worse than it already is. I have a few hundred stretch marks from all the weight I lost 10 years ago. Do I need to go and make it a few million?

I had a funny dream during my nap. Tom and I were at home, but the house didn’t quite look like this one. I had just gotten up and went into the kitchen where Tom was. He told me there was surprise company waiting in “the den” for me. I thought to myself, I just got up, so I didn’t have time to straighten up. As if Tom knew what I was thinking, he said, “Don’t worry. I already neatened stuff up.” So the den, which was a room about the size of my bedroom, was where I proceeded to go. I opened the door and there were my parents. I think Tammy was there too. Then Tom came in, sat down and joined us. The next thing I knew, Tom’s underwear was on the floor and I was trying to kick it under furniture and hide it any way I could.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 4, 1995 I’ve heard all of Sally’s tape and it’s so pitiful, that it’s so funny. Tom’s heard it too, and I’ve begun editing it. Andy may come over tonight, so if he does, he can hear what I’ve begun. I told Tammy about it and played her a clip of it. I’ll tell my parents about it and play them some eventually, too.

The antibiotics haven’t been affecting me in any bad way, so that’s good. The discharges I’ve been having down there, which weren’t like yeast infection discharges are gone and my cough and congestion are much better, too. I’m glad Dr. Rugg gave me the antibiotics cuz I feel so much better.

Later…

I’m so bored now, but not quite ready to go to sleep. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to push my schedule up a bit since Bob’s probably gonna call me on Monday. On the other hand, Bob’s not the most important thing to me and he knows to keep trying if he can’t reach me right away.

We have tentative plans to go to CA in late October for about 6 days. Despite all the fun things we’d see and do, Tom told me something (without making promises which is good) that sounds great and even romantic, but that’s pure bullshit. He’s here on the bed with me right now, so I’ll write about it later.

Later…

Tom reminded me that a non-stressful situation is what he needs to cum, but that due to the job change and whatever else, he’s been more stressed out. So, he tells me that with things falling into place (his job/the business) and us having a fun and relaxing vacation where we sleep together, it may help him to cum. Even if I were ovulating at the time we went - no way! I know him better.

Anyway, I still can’t wait to go to CA whenever we do go. We’ll probably go to L.A., then The Walk of Fame, Disneyland and maybe Sea World. But is that Disneyland or Disneyworld? I forget. We may also stop at Steven, Carol and Matthew’s house in Fresno.

Tom didn’t win anything last night at the Greyhound racing track where he went with Steven and his family. His parents were also there, along with David, Mary and her husband Dave.

I quickly spoke to Andy last night and played him the few minutes of Sally edits I’ve got so far. He was cracking up.

I want to try to stay up as long as I can so I sleep later and can hang out with Tom more this weekend. He said it’s no big deal and I know that, but I like hanging out with him.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 3, 1995 In Kim’s last letter to me, she said she and Alex really did get it on with each other once or twice in Chicago. Wow.

I sent her a copy of my case and Andy’s but haven’t heard anything about it. I’ll have to ask her what she thinks in my next letter.

At this point I almost never sense Robin and I also don’t think I’ll ever find out any more info about her.

Tom was shocked they let Andy keep his voicemail when he already owes the phone company so much. They did, though. He paid $50, it’s $6 a month for his long-distance block and he’s got to pay $100 every month on the 15th.

I did call and wish my nephew Larry a happy birthday, who is 15. He was at home making sausages, but Larry, Sandy and Jenny were out.

Hurricane Erin went through Florida, but luckily it was no big deal and was only graded as a tropical storm. I spoke to my mom and sister today and everyone’s OK.

I began my two different antibiotic pills today which is so much better than that messy crotch cream. However, it may have been responsible for giving me what looked like 20 or so bug bites. After I threw some hydrocortisone cream on them, they went away, so we’ll see. I called the pharmacist who said I could take Benadryl with it if I need to.

I saw an amazing movie earlier that was based on a true story. It was about a charter plane back in 1988 in Hawaii with 5 crew members and 95 passengers. A portion of the cabin roof ripped off and only one crew member died. Everyone else lived. It was quite amazing to see some of them flying with no roof over their heads.

Andy came over tonight with those 4 shirts and Sally’s tape. I only kept one shirt. A white cotton short-sleeved one with 2 lace-trimmed pockets in front.

I haven’t listened to more of Sally’s tape yet, but Andy agreed with what Tom suggested. We’re not gonna send an edited version to her cuz we don’t know if she’s whacked out enough to hurt Stevie. It’s also not worth my spending money on a tape and 3 stamps on a stranger.

We went skinny dipping and he said I still had a nice ass and didn’t look fat or flabby. Well, that’s nice and I started exercising again and I already feel much better and firmer.

The antibiotics have even begun helping my cough and congestion already. I could’ve used a round of antibiotics for that a few months ago, actually.

After Andy told me that his 18-year-old druggie friend Kim is pregnant, we went and played cards, then he left.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 2, 1995 I finished typing up that big huge journal (92).

Today, my nephew Larry’s 15, I believe. I’ll see if I have the time to call, but I don’t know. I’ll probably sleep all day, then get up and go to his parent’s house to see Steven.

Everyone except Bob got another round of letters this week. Tom showed me how to insert my animal drawings into my letters which is really easy. So, my parents, Tammy, Larry, Kim, Minnie, and Andy will have letters going out tomorrow. Tom went to bed after he showed me how to do this and I did him a quick sample letter of what I’m sending to others.

Speaking of Tom - sometimes I feel like I’m with an old man here. He’s tired a lot and certainly has no juice for more sex like he says he wants. I think that’s just talk, though.

I also forgot to mention this - I asked him a few days ago if he’d feel bad if it were me who never came. He said no, but I find that hard to believe.

I spoke to Dr. Rugg’s nurse. I’ve got to get 2 antibiotics for downstairs which she says will kill anything going on down there. She also says no intercourse 3-4 days before another mid-cycle exam. So, mid-cycle this month or next, I’ve got to have another fucking pap smear! Shit!

I do have good news, though. I haven’t spoken with Andy yet to know how he worked this out, but he’s getting his phone back today! He must be getting only local service as I did in S Deerfield when “Maria S” got her $1,700 phone bill.

There’s something else I forgot to write that Tom said he feared. This one’s so ridiculous, it’s almost funny. He fears how I’d react if I ever found out I was pregnant. I told him I couldn’t imagine how I’d react in a situation I’ve never been in. (probably shocked, though) And I sure as hell have an even harder time imagining how I’d react in a situation I know will never happen. It’s just another excuse. And another cover for his game of pretending he’ll cum someday and we’ll have a kid.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 1, 1995 As figured, another month has passed without me getting pregnant. The good news is, though, I’m finding it easier to accept.

Tom never brought up my letter about adopting. Instead, he just went on with saying what he’s always said about it - it can happen, but let it happen in its own time. And he doesn’t want to intentionally put it off. Mhm.

Anyway, I now realize more than ever that if I want to be with this man who I love so much, I’m just gonna have to play along with his game. I can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, no matter what he says.

We did have fun for the first time in what seems like ages. We started off screwing till he conked out right before I was gonna go over the edge, so he finished me off orally.

Still no Theo and feeling fine! I began working out again seeing how my legs look absolutely horrible.

It fucking figures, but Dr. Rugg’s office left a message today. Damn! It’s one thing after another. I don’t want to go back for the third time.

The trail’s gone cold as far as finding out if Robin’s name is really that, let alone if she’s dead or alive. I called Barbara and she says she’s still waiting to hear from Charlie who’s on vacation. She transferred me to an Alan M who knew nothing about it and said the JCC didn’t technically own Camp Naomi. He said they were affiliated with it and mentioned the JBW (Jewish Board of Welfare) in New York having something to do with it, but that he could guarantee me they wouldn’t have any records. Barbara said there’s still Charlie to hope for that he’ll know something and not to give up.

I haven’t sensed Robin at all lately. It’s like she’s gone. Gone forever.

Later…

I sure did a lot of typing tonight. In a day or two, I expect to be done typing journal 92.

Andy called earlier saying he was ready to commit suicide due to his $154 electric bill. He said the whole apartment’s half the size of our back room. Damn, that’s small! Despite that, though, and running it on low cool and number 3 out of 10, that’s how high his electric bill is. He said his apartment manager won’t let him out of his lease, but that he can’t afford to move now anyhow.

Meanwhile, he’s job hunting and is gonna give them our number for messages. He didn’t want to tell them he didn’t have a phone, but he said he has an answering machine. He said I don’t even have to talk to him, just let them leave their message or tell me their name and number and I’ll let Andy know about it.

Got a letter from Kim who had a scary experience. A 16-year-old girl ran out in front of her car. She survived but is at fault and Kim said 1 out of 5 witnesses was a cop.

So, I wrote her another letter and I finally decided to write to Bob. I gave him two choices if he wants to resume our friendship. To either write and draw on his envelopes to me so I can dump him again. Or to not do so and have me as a friend and a pen pal again. I’m almost certain he will write back.

I know I’ll never get a letter from Tammy or Lisa, but where’s Minnie’s letter? I hope to hear from her soon. I hope I get a letter from Bug soon, too.

Dr. Rausch had given me a peak flow meter to measure my breathing. After I exercised, I got it up higher than it’s been so far to 340. It was usually around 300. It’s supposed to be 413.

[misqnon]

hi one piece anon back again. i shall call myself march so that next time i send in an ask i dont have to type out "i sent the asks about one piece" (too wordy. much easier to just write a name)

i so appreciate ur 2k words ,, i think u have successfully eliminated my anxiety abt talking too much !! ur very sweet 🥹 thank u /p!! electronic pen pals!!! that is so fun !! :D

i went back to watch wano after catching up (im like halfway through the arc) and genuinely the animation is so good!! (its also rly funny because they made zoro super sexy at every opportunity.. they upped his fanservice by a million. i love it. as a zoro fan.) its probably worth it to watch the anime for that part if ur interested?? although the pacing is still super slow so it might be better to read the manga first and THEN watch wano if ur still hyperfixated on one piece at that point. i went back to wano cuz i was feeling sad about being caught up and not having any more content to consume.

ive seen clips of the fights and they look so fantastic and cool and hype and AGH . i havent gotten to any big fights yet but its been a lot of fun seeing the characters all colored and .. moving. its also kind of sad to watch though cuz you can TELL some of the voice actors are really struggling. my love franky.. i love his voice acting but he sounds so rough in wano :((. his is probably the most obvious example but if u pay attention u can tell with most of the voice actors who've been doing the show for a long time.

i havent watched the live action because netflix sucks (i dont live with the account owner currently and i HAVE TO if i want to use netflix) but i have seen how many people have gotten into one piece bc of it, and i have seen a lot of clips. and i know people love it and its very highly regarded. (also i kinda love what they did with sanji (i miss his twirly eyebrows though 😭)) so i have a lot of respect for it despite never watching it myself!! im also so excited for "the one piece" bc even though i know next to nothing about it, if its adapting this wonderful universe full of lovable characters in a way that actually HELPS the manga rather than HURTS it.. well. how could i complain.

i DO think u got into one piece at a really good time!! ive heard a lot of "if you want to get into one piece, this is your last chance" and "now is the best time to start one piece" and i think theyre right. although hearing its your "last chance" is kind of anxiety inducing personally LOL. i think itll be really difficult to avoid spoilers after the series ends though so in that sense.. theyre probably correct. at the pace youre going i dont think one piece will end before you catch up. oda's on a 3 week break right now too so imo you have plenty of time!! i think wano is about 150 chapters and theres a LOT going on so it might take you a while, but this is the final SAGA not the final arc dont worry!! im picturing the straw hats visit at least 2 more islands after the current arc. although obviously im not oda so i have no idea if thats accurate LOL

i think no matter what im gonna feel like i have questions unanswered when one piece ends, just cuz i am so insanely invested in . the whole world of one piece. i want to know everything about everything. but i DO think oda will answer the big questions, and i agree that he probably wont just leave us wondering. the newest arc is already kind of answering a lot of questions (and... developing MORE mysteries LMAO)

i hope i didnt make you feel like its WRONG to like sanji bc it isnt!! just cuz i cant get behind him doesnt mean that i think people who like him are bad people or anything remotely like that. i mean. i love doflamingo. and hes an AWFUL person. i hate his guts... but i love him. hes such an interesting character and i want to dissect him and analyze him and . i love to think about him. and hes comforting in some weird way.

so u loving sanji is no issue!! i dont want u to feel like u have to defend urself (although i DO like hearing ur reasoning behind why you like him because its interesting, and it makes me think harder about how i feel about him).

also personally i dont see an issue with consuming media that is problematic in some ways. if the creator is a bad person i think its fine as long as ur not excusing their actions!! i would kind of rather not support oda because i dont like him as a person (which is a personal decision, im not gonna criticize people who support him financially), but i do LOVE one piece and yes. his biases DO affect the story.. but since i dislike oda i usually say "fuck the word of god" and do what i want with the characters. i think its a lot more fun that way!!

sanji is such a mess (affectionately) so i can definitely see the appeal!! half the reason i love one piece characters so much is bc theyre all so SILLY. so unbearably silly. they all have stupid moments, they all have funny moments, and i adore silly people. my dislike for sanji is, mostly, resentment borne out of my intense hatred for being pushed into a box by society. it is almost purely personal. like yes him being a pervert is disgusting and annoying and i hate it, but i think i would be able to ignore it if i didnt feel so personally attacked??? by him?? LOL. i think thats kind of silly tbh . i would usually be able to brush his pervertedness off as a flaw of oda's rather than something to blame sanji for. but since i already have some ... *intense* feelings towards him, the pervert thing just serves to fuel my anger.

but all of that is just My Personal Feelings about him!! i do love him in headcanon/fanon most of the time, and even if i hate him in canon i still also love him purely because hes a straw hat and i love and adore all of the straw hats. they feel like real people to me. and i am obsessed with them. i root for them at any chance and i believe they will find the one piece... if they werent the main characters and therefore guaranteed to find the one piece i would still believe in them 1000%!! <- big nerd thing to say .

also one thing i wanted to ask u about is if u noticed the parallels during whole cake island between sanji taking luffy food and the flashback of sanji taking sora food?? i LOVED that moment. he runs through the rain, has to try to keep a dog from eating the food, and when he finally gives it to the person its all soggy and wet and he apologizes. but they say its delicious. and they smile. i KNOW he was thinking of his mom at that moment with luffy. and i just... ugh.. sanji . sobbing . maybe u talked about rhis and i just missed it but I NEED to know that u saw it.. my favorite sanji lover

this is way more than 4000 characters so i have one upped you!! haha!! [triumphant] (lets hope it all fits in the ask box .. ive never written this long of an ask)

that works, very slay 👍 hi march!!

answering under cut as per usual

first of all i missed ur message bc it came in on april fools amongst all the boops 💀 i’m glad i happened to check my inbox jdnjvnvhv

you can call me mont! (or just misqnon, if you want) i am so glad my rambling eliminated ur anxiety bc i literally do not judge whatsoever and also clearly i am. Just as hyperfixated LMAO

WANO’S ANIMATION LOOKS SOOOO PRETTY…i wont lie ive watched a few clips bc i couldnt help myself. Im still in the middle of WCI but i want to get to wano sooo bad. And i probably will just read wano first (bc . time) but i ABSOLUTELY want to watch it at some point. And yes they 100% picked up on the zoro fanservice my god (i am ALSO a zoro fan. Sanji, robin, zoro, and franky are my fav strawhats and i love them all immensely) he is so goddamn buff in wano what the hell did they feed that guy…they beefed all the guys up in wano though it seems DSJNJKD

Speaking of wano zoro @ dykealloy made this. absolutely insane edit of Zoro, Mihawk, and Katakuri to the song CVNT by sophie hunter and it has a lot fo clips from wano that make me froth at the mouth (link here - be warned of explicit language, obv)

YEA THE VOICE ACTORS MANNN 😭 I prefer the dub bc i actually like everyone’s voices and its what im used to (except luffy, i do prefer sub for him) but i know the og voice actors are getting up there in age…Part of the reason i don’t like the sub as much is bc you can tell the VA’s are way older than the characters they’re voicing and it’s just a bit. Odd (as much as i love the VAs and obvi it’d be weird to change it at this point)

netflix does suck !!!! i was living with my bro at the time so i watched it on his account but yea i dont have access to watching it anymore either :( taz skylar my fucking beloved. The live action cast is all insane. Theyre so cute and funny every single one of them. If u have extra time u should watch all the funny cast videos they did on youtube where they play charades and do little prompts together. The clips of them interacting at cons and out doing promo for the show is usually pretty cute too. Opla wasnt perfect or necessary but it was fun as hell and u can tell the showrunners had a passion for the show. 

I keep making progress in chunks so hopefully i can catch up within the next few months 🧍ive been so busy i havent been able to read in a while! (and also. Whole cake makes me a bit emo) even 2 more islands like ur suspecting would be a blessing. I mean. They still have to go to elbaph right?? And raftel/laughtale so. Thats already 2. Okay i feel better already lmao)

Im so curious about egghead im going insane but i will refrain. Somehow i havent seen any spoilers for it YET (aside from some stuff about bonney and kuma)

ALSO YOU DID NOT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE ITS WRONG TO LIKE SANJI LMAO you were super nice and didnt imply anything i just have catholic guilt about liking him. No one has even ever said something to me in that manner i just know he’s. Complicated. And also sometimes he Sucks. So i’ve thought about it a lot (clearly). 

And coming off of that DUDE I LOVE DOFFY. I watch a lot of melonteee on youtube and even before i was anywhere near doffy they had me on the doflamingo train. He is so insane and weird and downright evil. i drew him one time 😶‍🌫️My last big fandom back in like 2014-2017 was JJBA and my favorite character as Dio and let me tell you. The similarities between their characters is insane (oda / araki crossover event when,) 

The only difference is that doffy is written to be downright evil, while sanji is supposed to be seen in a good/humorous light even though his worst jokes are uh. Not great joke material (momoiro island and all of sanji’s weirdest pervert gags appears behind me). Thanks oda 👍i still get what ur saying though!

And tbh i dont blame you at all for disliking his (or any) character for personal reasons. Its really not that silly. Having recently discovered i might be kinda trans does not do his bits any favors lmao. And as an afab person who hates gender roles and sexism with a burning passion (and almost minored in WGS) BELIEVE ME the treatment of women in one piece pisses me off in a personal way all the damn time. But again, i blame oda for all this. Attacking oda with my hooves at all times every day at every chance

Looping back around to oda/problematic material ur very right. Maybe its bc i was raised on tumblr from age 12 through the worst of the Social Justice Discourse Era but i still get iffy about even consuming content that promotes gross shit in any capacity. I know im bending to the will of randos on the internet who dont even deserve my time or worry, but alas, thats my own problem. I do agree that to some extent i’ll say fuck it and enjoy stuff for my own enjoyment over being “woke” or whatever but there’s always a line to be drawn imo. But for op? Yea fuck it im finishing this damn historic manga if it kills me

I AGREE ABT FEELING LIKE THE STRAWHATS ARE REAL PPL…CALL ME SILLY. Part of it is the fact they’ve been around so long that half of them have existed for as long or longer as their actual canon age. Like. THEY’VE EARNED THAT HUMAN EXISTENCE AT THIS POINT RIGHT, 

Nah but their characterization is pretty damn well done if youre one of the characters oda doesnt sideline coughrobinfrankychopperbrookcoughcough 

And YES. YES I NOTICED THAT PARALLEL. I DIDNT SAY ANYTING BC I’D SEEN IT BEFORE ONLINE BUT I. WAS SO EMOTIONAL OVER IT. the fact that luffy is so special of a person to the whole crew that he can mirror people as important as their late mothers and just. augh,/. Fuck. they say the same line with that same smile….it’s just great storytelling. I dont like oda either but unfortunately he’s damn good at what he does most of the time. (am. Am i your favorite sanji lover. Is that me. Im so honored. he is such a mess but he is My Mess. Please tell me ur fav characters in the next ask (strawhat and otherwise!!)) 

Also damn u totally did one up me. Uhhh here since ur apparently a zoro lover pls take some of these drawings i did of him that i keep forgetting to finish/post in an attempt to one up ur one up)

[patt-writes-stuff]

Beach Days with The Genshin Characters!

Wc: 1.7k+

Type: Headcanons

CW: umm nothing except mentions of alcohol and maybe people being creeps? (None of the chars or you tho it’s very brief)

A/N: HI IM BACK FROM THE DEAD! These were supposed to be a lot shorter but I got too excited. If you by any chance wanna see some for your fav character lmk! I know it says request are closed in my bio but since it’s just hcs it’s a lot less (and I really enjoyed writing these so ajdhdhdk)

🔥Diluc:

This man cannot swim. Tell me otherwise, I dare you.

Kaeya tried to jokingly push him off a lil diving cliff area when they were kids.

He almost drowned. Kaeya was in a lot of trouble.

So, good luck getting this man to actually get in the water. The most he’ll do is sit on the shore where it’s very shallow.

He usually prefers to just stay under an umbrella on the sand and keep an eye on you.

Calls you every two hours in advance and helps you reapply sunscreen.

He’s very pale so I feel like he burns pretty easily, meaning he needs to reapply super frequently otherwise he will become a tomato. He brings like three bottles of the good shit. Tch, rich boy.

If you ask him to build a sandcastle, he will pretend to be annoyed but do it anyways. Ends up finding it kind of enjoyable.

He has the maids prepare a nice picnic basket for the two of you!! It’s got all your favorite foods plus grape juice cuz y’know.

If any creepy peeps approach you, don’t worry. He brought his vision and his claymore.

Of course, he won’t have to resort to such violent lengths. Everyone in Mondstadt knows who Diluc is and they probably know you’re his s/o, so they’re usually smart enough to mind their own business.

If they don’t, don’t worry. Diluc’s glare is more than enough to scare them away.

All in all I definitely recommend a beach day with him! I’ll give it a solid 8/10 (-2 for not wearing floaties and getting in the water with you or letting you teach him how to swim.

🖌Albedo:

You guys definitely 100% take Klee out with you on a beach day.

You guys bring snacks, beach toys like buckets and shovels for optimal sandcastle building, a picnic blanket, etc.

Jean definitely packs a lot more stuff for you guys to take with you than you actually need.

It’s only cuz she’s worried for Klee and is nervous about not being able to go with you guys though! It’s very sweet really.

Klee tries to bomb the fish and cause havoc at the beach 😭

I think Albedo is a good swimmer and gets in with you and Klee so that he can help her (which is very cute omfg)

He’s set total workaholic, as we know, so it took a lot of convincing to get him to put down his experiments and accompany you to the beach (however, he’s particularly weak to yours and klee’s puppy dog eyes so he caved eventually)

Though, looking at you and Klee happily building sandcastles and decorating them with pretty seashells of all shapes and colors, he can’t really find it in himself to complain.

He, of course, takes this opportunity to take out his sketchbook and draw the waves, seagulls, you… Of course he won’t let you see the sketch book no sir. He’s a bit embarrassed to be honest, but an artist such as himself recognizes beauty when he sees it so he simply had to draw you. (God I love him so much)

If a creepy person approaches you,- well don’t worry. The sight of a small arsonist child blowing up fish is enough to scare them away 🥰

At the end of the day, all three of you are all ticketed out. Albedo has to carry Klee back to Mondstadt because the poor baby fell asleep the moment you started drying her hair with the beach towel. You’re, of course, carrying back Dodoco and your bags. (You also manage to sneak a peak at Albedo’s sketchbook and find some very pretty drawings of you and Klee with your sandcastle)

At the end of the day, you guys tuck Klee in and read her a bedtime story (she woke up and insisted). Afterwards Albedo takes you back home and thanks you for coming with you and Klee (which you ofc say wasn’t a problem because how could you not???)

All in all? I’ll give it a solid 10/10. You’ve got tasty food, fun times, your boyfriend and his cute kid adoptive sister (yes I am very biased idc)

🦋Xiao:

I think it would take a lot of convincing to get Xiao to go out on a beach date with you.

He’ll probably see it as a distraction getting in the way of his slaying of monsters and demons.

However, he also worships the grounds you walk on (hehe, simp XD), so I don’t think it’ll take that much convincing on your part (especially because it’s is self appointed duty to keep you safe so if you insist on going with or without him, he supposes he’ll have to go)

Is definitely a bit tense at first. He doesn’t know how to let loose and chill so while you’re sun tanning on a beach chair he’s like 🧍‍♂️ahdgshjsjd

Eventually calms down a bit though! You get him to relax and eat some almond tofu you brought along with you. It definitely gets him to perk up.

I don’t think he would mind getting into the water but I do think he’d rather walk along the shore and collect pretty seashells and sea glass.

He later gives the ones he deems pretties to you (he hands them over to you with a blush on his face and pretends it’s not a big deal and he definitely gets all pouty and grouchy when you coo at how adorable he is)

As for creeps, Xiao is both intimidating and well known in Liyue. No one is brave enough (or, let’s be honest, dumb enough) to approach you with any bad intentions.

Sure, Xiao has sworn never to harm a human/citizen of Liyue but that doesn’t mean he can’t scare the absolute shit out of them.

I think Xiao would definitely enjoy a beach day 🥺🥺. He’d find it very relaxing to go out with you and just hear the sound of waves and feel the sand under his feet.

He’d definitely hint at wanting to do it again later. Of course, he won’t tell you. No, that’s a foolish mortal activity and he has much better things to do.

Wait no, don't turn around, yes he will go with you next month.

All in all, I give Xiao a 9/10. It’s a very relaxing day (which he deserves 😤). And you get to see a whole new side of him.

💎Ningguang:

OK SO ORIGINALLY I WASN'T GONNA WRITE ONE FOR HER (at least not in this post) BUT THEN I THOUGHT OF LADY NINGGUANG TAKING YOU TO A WHOLE ASS PRIVATE BEACH

She knows you don’t care about how exclusive the beach you go to is (in fact, the fact that you don’t care about where you are or what you do is one of the things that make her fall more and more madly in love with you) but you deserve the best so she’s gonna go all out.

She’s a busy lady so days like this where the two of you get to go somewhere and be together are few and far between.

She knows it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who is busy 24/7, so she appreciates how you remain by her side despite all hardships. (Y’all are a whole ass power couple istg)

The two of you spend your day relaxing. Sun bathing, drinking piña coladas, maybe taking a dip in the ocean. It’s all very pleasant!

Ningguang doesn’t quite feel like the type of person who would sit in the sand and make sandcastle, however you’re more than welcome to make some yourself. She finds it endearing <3

If you insist on her helping, she’ll eventually comply. She loves you too much to say no. I feel like she’ll either be terrible at it or like a total architect.

Sand is technically like tiny rocks right? So maybe she can use her vision to help her? If that’s the case, she’s making a replica of the Jade chamber out of sand.

If any creepy person comes up to you don’t worry. Ningguang will buy the whole beach and then use her right of admission as owner to permanently ban them from the beach you’re at.

The only downside to a day at the beach with Ningguang might be that there’s a big chance she’ll be called to tend urgent matters, seeing as she is the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing and all.

If that does happen, she’ll be sure to make it up to you somehow, whether it be rescheduling or taking care of the matter as soon as possible so that the two of you can get back to your day of relaxation and fun.

All in all?? Lady Ningguang will treat you like total royalty and the two of you will have an amazing time! I give her an 11/10 (she would literally buy a whole beach for you to be comfortable I mean c’mon)

🍃Venti:

BEACH DAYS WITH HIM ARE SO FUN!!

Swimming? Yeah, he’d love to! Sunbathing? Sure! He’ll ever conjure up a light breeze for the two of you. Sandcastle building? WELL OF COURSE WHY DO YOU THING HE BROUGHT ALL THESE BUCKETS AND SHOVELS?

No but seriously, he might be the best person out of everyone here to go to the beach with. He’s fun, free spirited, and he’s a traveling bard who’s been alive long enough to know where all the best beaches in Teyvat are. (He also knows a guy- er, well, dragon I suppose- who is willing to fly them to any place).

He’ll play some soft tunes while you doze under the sun.

HE PICKS PRETTY SHELLS AND GIFTS THEM TO YOU!!!

He will bring booze. I’m pretty sure this is a necessity. If you’re a little upset about it, he’ll probably “eheh~” his way out of it. That slick bastard.

If you really insist on him not drinking, he won’t consume much alcohol.

If some creepy person approaches you and tries to ruin you your day of beach time fun, all of their stuff will suddenly be blown away, causing them to scramble back to their spot and (almost embarrassingly) flail around trying to catch everything. What a shame…

At the end of the day, he’d be a little sad to leave. Definitely makes plans about tbe two of you going back soon.

I gotta give him a 10/10 he’s just so fun omg.

[sunookkii]

a/n : so like I was watching videos on youtube and stumbled upon heart monitor videos so I was just wondering hmmmmm how would enhypen be if their s/o made them wear a heartbeat monitor and then their heart beat changes drastically- ANYWAY I hope y’all enjoy this imagine ;)

also its not really read proof so sorry if there’s minor mistakes!!!

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.enhypen imagine ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

^sort of a Drabble???

Enhypen wearing a heartbeat monitor around you

Pairing : Enhypen ot7 x Reader

Genre : fluff

Warning : none

Requested : no~

Heeseung :

You two were just bored and remembered you had a heartbeat monitor because one time you just bought it because yeah.. anyway lol

You bring it out and you force him to put it on to see if his heart beats faster around you,, cuz y’know you were curious

He puts it on right,, and you start staring at him and doing aegyo to see if his heart reacts differently and tbh you dont even need the heart monitor to tell that his heart is beating fast

Cuz like^^^he’s like literally blushing and hiding his face from you with his hands or just away from you like that aegyo challenge enhypen did 0/10 he doesnt wanna be tortured like this anymore because the whole day his heart just kept going beep beep 😭

Makes you try it on

Jay :

You found this at someone’s house because idk you ask them 😭

Anywayyyy you ask them if you can borrow it to try it on your bf jay because you were curious if he still got butterflies around you and if his heart beats faster around you

So your here like pressuring him to try it on cuz why tf not :D

His reaction to that is like wtf 😭 and you’re like “i wanna see if your heart beats faster around me :)” then he ends up putting it on.

He puts it on with a super straight cold face and you just stare at him and do weird hand gestures in front of his face and it clearly didn’t change anything, but then when you go closer to his face pretending you’re about to kiss him his heart beat goes beep beep beep

And you’re like “AHHHH YYAYYY IT WORKS”

He gets flustered, and asks for a real kiss “gimme a real kiss”

After you kissed him his heart beat went up really really high-

Jake :

You guys are just hanging out like you usually do and you remember that his brother is studying to become a doctor (i think it was a doctor cuz i heard from a fan call) then you ask jake “doesn’t you’re brother have a heart monitor somewhere”

“Yeah its on the table”,, you go grab and tell him to put it on 😏 “i wanna see if your heart beats faster around me”

And then hes like lol okay, but then he’s lowkey scared you’re gonna tease him because inside he knows that the little things you do make him BLUSH so tbh he is not ready to expose himself…

So then he like hesitantly puts it on and is like what now? and you’re like now we wait to see if you react :) you two are just lowkey having a staring contest cuz hes awkward like that

And then slowly his heart beat just goes up +1 every second and when you go closer to his face to get a better look, his monitor is quickly goes to +10 every second

“AHHH LOOK LOOK AT YOUR MONITOR!!!!”

“uh haha hah 😀”

^^gets super shy and awkward, and freezes

Your ego boosts higher knowing the simplest things you do can make his heart go boom boom

Sunghoon :

Hes so unbothered by it, you’re just like ‘here’ and hes like ‘okay??’

He puts it on to satisfy you and goes back to what he’s doing and you check his monitor and it doesn’t go up,,, BUUUT then you on the other hand trying to trigger it you lean closer to him and wrap your arms around his neck

He starts like hesitating and doesnt know what to do so all hes saying is “what???” with his nervous smile and all you hear then is his heart beat monitor going beep beep as you lean closer to him

Hes a blushing mess, try’s to do it back to you and tells you it’s your turn to put on the monitor-

But then like you wouldn’t even be having the monitor on yet but he’s already hovering on top of you to see your reaction, lets just say he makes your heart also go boom boom as well

Sunoo :

You guys like to go shopping online all the time because idk that sounds like something you would do together

But last week you bought a cheap heartbeat monitor for like $10 and it finally came today and you were lowkey soooo excited to try it on sunoo

And youre like SUNOO, BABY, SUNSHINE, SHMOOKUMS!! I have a heart beat monitor here try it on, and hes like what does it do and you’re like it monitors you’re heart beat and i wanted to try it on you to see if your heart beats different around me 👉👈

So then he starts flirting with you and is like ahhh so you wanna know if my heart beats faster around you? Well my heart ALWAYS beats faster when you’re around 😏

You lowkey get flustered so you quickly go ya ya ya try it on so he tries it on and his heart does nothing. But hes still smiling???? Hmmm weird.

So you start pouting cuz youre lowkey sad cuz his heart beat did nothing it just stayed neutral 60, but then once you started pouting and being naturally cute his heartbeat went from 60 -> 112 and he tried his best to hide it but then the monitor caught your eye and you’re like “AHHHH YAYY”

Still gets embarrassed and hides his face in your neck. You now owe him cuddles because you made him feel embarrassed

Jungwon :

One day you just found a heartbeat monitor and then you’re freaking out because you always wanted to try out something like this

“WONNIE WONNIE COME LOOK WHAT I FOUND” and hes like whatt and you explain that you found a cool monitor and he’s like oooooh lets play with it. So he tries it on first and his heart beat started off at 80 but then you just suddenly start becoming bold but also cuz you wanted a heartbeat reaction. So you lean in to give him a light kiss on the cheek.

even though you two have been dating for like 2 1/2 years he lowkey still gets super flustered

His heart beat like sunoo went from 80 -> 130, and hes like “WOIAH WOAH my heart”, he puts his hand on his heart cuz he was surprised it actually worked.

But at the same time he can’t stop smiling because of the fact you kissed him on the cheek

(He wore it for the whole day just to test it out but every time you even took a glance at him his monitor would go BEEP BEEP BEEP)

Niki :

So like niki just randomly had a heart monitor in his home and you found it in his drawer and youre like omggg its a heart beat monitor so then you’re running up to niki like a little excited kid and your like here put this on

And him on the other hand trying to play his game whyyyy, you literally have to beg him to put on the monitor but he ends up putting it on so you can stop bothering him

hes actually calm at first but then youre lowkey sad cuz nothing happened, so then youre like is it broken??

You lean your face closer to his and he gets flustered because of how close you two are right now then all of a sudden all you hear is his monitor going beep beep, and then at the same time you made him lose his game because all of his attention went to you

And hes like 😳 the type to hide his face in the crook of your neck because he’s embarrassed

[mde1011]

when i got into the dsmp i started a note and wrote down any quotes or moments i thought were funny, and im bored at 3 am so enjoy some of them

how is being arrested real? just walk away!!!”

⁃ “once an american always an american. go...go protests masks...or something”

⁃ “...yEAH BUT DID YOU HAVE WAP” “what’s...whats wap?” “...WORSHIP AND PRAYER”

⁃ “HOW DO YOU LIKE POLITICS MOTHERFUCKER”

⁃ “i’m naked” “...no you’re not” “i can be...”

⁃ “uhhhh i’m in a high stress situation....i deal with these poorly”

⁃ “i should go first i’m naked”

⁃ “yEAHHHH WE KILLED AN OLD MAN WITH HEART PROBLEMS”

⁃ “what are you going to do?” “i...have no idea i think i’m gonna start out by punching a tree”

⁃ “tOmmy...did i just hear you say shit ass looking mofo?”

⁃ “i aM gOinG to gEt nAkeD to iNtiMidAtE HiM”

- “...i want freedom !” “you want BALLS.”

⁃ “...down the line. yeah that’s where we discover the art of cannibalism” “oh it’s an art?” “it’s an art”

⁃ “oh there’s some logs here. wonder what they’re saying to me. uh huh. uh huh. oh yeah that’s very racist” “tommy you gotta burn those logs.” “burn ‘em before they spread their racism to other logs”

⁃ “are you pooing?” “*whisper* i’m charging up-““ “he’s ejaculating on the tent.” “he’s WHAT?”

⁃ “he’s sPEEDING. LOOK HOW FAST HES GOING” “i’ve taken so many drugs. someone tell badboyhalo”

⁃ “we should make a pact. and that pact is, uh, we make a book...and in that book...we declare that saying ‘muffin’ is a, is a slur”

⁃ “i was thinking what if one day your bladder just,,,,stopped working.....AGGGFFFFF i was tHINKING ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY IVE GOT TO PREPARE IVE GOT YO PREPARE thisiswhydiapersaintthatbad”

⁃ <sapnap> i think i was ordered to um

<tommyinnit> boobed

<sapnap> kill you

<tommyinnit> boobs

<sapnap> if this happens

<tommyinnit> think about boobs man

<sapnap> tsk tsk tommy

<tommyinnit> iM DISGRUNTLED

⁃ “why is this deadman so good at making drugs”

⁃ “i just learnt that a girl hero is called a heroine and it freaked me out”

⁃ “memento memento me-“ “that’s actually the worst word i know so you can’t keep saying that” “oh, really.....? have you ever heard the term ‘racist’?”

⁃ “the person who invented the phrase ‘be yourself’ hadn’t met you!”

⁃ “you seem like the type of guy whose dad would throw him overboard as a joke but he would just drown”

⁃ “shout out to dream for twerking!”

⁃ “let’s talk......let’s talk about sex” “wonderful. what do you think about sex, lazarbeam?” “i ain’t saying SHIT in front of a sixteen year old”

⁃ “what the- i think i’m seeing things” “....tommy i told you not to drink the sea water” “well i DID drink the sea water because it TOLD ME TO”

⁃ “it’s like the movie when that guy gets stranded on an island and has sex with a coconut” “whAT?? dream- dream, you vastly misinterpreted this” “it one hundred percent does”

⁃ “oh mastICATE.....isn’t that when a fish turns inside out?”

⁃ “what are some bad words YOU know, clay?” “i don’t-“ “what about ‘terrorist’?”

⁃ “my mind has to be on the same frequency as jesus when he walked on water”

⁃ “you wanna know why i was late?” “no i really do-“ “i was having a MASSIVE poo. really just a HUGE poo”

⁃ “jUST CUZ YOU TALK ABOUT POO ONCE AND THEN YOU SEE A BIG GREEN BASTARD AMD YOUR LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE YOUR EYES AND THEN YOU CANT REMEMBER- YOU CANT REMEMBER IF IT WAS YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW YOU HURT THAT WOMAN”

⁃ “i love america. mmmmm patriotism

⁃ “LIFE IS NOT A HAPPY SONG KERMIT THE FROG”

⁃ “please stop taking the cock”

⁃ “two four six eight who do we appreciate? not the government let’s gooooooo”

⁃ “oooo look at the dogs😍” “wHAAAAAT. WHAT. THERES ACTUALLY LIKE. A MILLION DOGS HERE. WHAT THE HELL.”

⁃ “yeahhhhh bitch i stab- i don’t stab women-“ “woooooooah tommy you stab women?” “heyyyy sapnap”

⁃ “do you know what happens whne you reach the top of the ladder? there’s only one place to go.” “.....side to side😨” “down.” “...i really thought you were gonna say side to side🥺”

⁃ “one last time.” “just like in hamilton😓”

⁃ “you don’t know how many times i’ve mistaken trees for hot women”

⁃ “ i don’t feel better i just destroyed penis”

⁃ “i’ve never seen a snail with bad morals”

⁃ “awwwwwwww😢 i’m doin’ drugs🤧 just like the good ol’ days😓” “.....define the ‘good old days’” “back when i did drugs”

⁃ “have you ever fought a baby? i have and it was trivially easy to defeat, phil.”

⁃ “the only other i egg i know about was the one i learnt about in school....not allowed to say which one....”

⁃ “did you know one of my new years resolutions is to be more like 2010 justin bieber?”

⁃ “apparently cats don’t lay eggs”

⁃ “thinking about trees- if i saw a tree with a beard mmmmmm...holy shit id hit it”

⁃ “we’re in hell dude. science doesn’t matter here”

⁃ “i cant die i cant die i’m GOD”

⁃ “hey pig your letter is the same as pussy, hmm?”

⁃ “are we cool are we COOL guys? CRYSTAL COOL like CRYSTAL METH”

⁃ “he- he’s crying because - because i killed his mother isn’t that right? mother dearest mother deadest mother gonest”

⁃ “bro ive been drinking since i was six and let me tell you...it’s not good to be drinking that young. led to some poor life decisions when i was 8” “what did you do” “i cant say” “...who did you hurt” “....only myself”

⁃ “je suis” “ay i know what that mean you prick” “what does it mean” “it means you’re racist dickhead”

⁃ “i’d never poo in the presence of a women- which is why i’m scared to get a girlfriend i think i’d just explode”

⁃ “biff tannen is one of my idols”

⁃ “black widow died and i thought ‘wow it should’ve been the man’ because he’s a man”

⁃ “there’s a character called captain america and i think he’s stupid”

⁃ “i’m a GOOD LAD i’ve got GOOD MORALS and if i’ve DONE SOMETHING WRONG it WASNT MY FAULT I JUST GOT A LITTLE EXCITED”

⁃ “sam....what’s the longest you’ve ever wiped your arse? for me it’s 48 minutes”

⁃ “why are you standing in the shitter?” “....that’s a SINK” “uhhh welllll” “hAVE YOU SHAT IN THE SINK?????”

⁃ “you’re like a living ghost” “...i think that’s called a human, tubbo”

⁃ “maybe i accidentally kill ranboo and we just never see him again *laughs* ay? and then i go ‘april foooools!!!’ and then i kill their child. i kill him”

⁃ “you built a penis” “it’s a PENIS OF SAFETY”

⁃ “i saw the penis of safety and i pressed mouse button four my friend”

⁃ “the penis on the other side of the river is larger” “ive heard that before....”

⁃ “you’ve turned the penis into a wall” “a wall of safety is better than a penis of safety” “i think the penis was better”

⁃ “if you wanna make a penis i know where we can make a penis and i know how big we can make it”

⁃ “i don’t conceptualize death but i think i just saw it!”

⁃ “yeah i- yeah i know i’m- my first impression on eret was making him read a shrek fan fiction so- i’m not one for first impressions”

⁃ “i-i’m scared for him- i’m scared OF him. yknow the first thing he did when he saw me was imMEDIATELY strip down then jump off then immediately die?”

⁃ “where are you?” “getting stabbed, one second”

⁃ “you’ve seen the joker?” “yea-“ “i resonate a lot with that man” “...oH. oh. that’s- that’s not-“

⁃ “he bURNT DOWN MY HOUSE” “out of LOVE”

⁃ “ohhhh my god stop making me play with the neighbor kid” “o-okay if you don’t go play with him i’m kicking you out of the house-“ “wHAT THE FUCK???”

⁃ “there’s a STRIP CLUB” “oh yeah for wood!” “are you into strippers?” “i mean all it does is make the wood look different so....yeah it doesn’t really do much”

⁃ “no no we have categories, we have the poo-saster- you might have to take a shower after-“ “no, no i’m gonna stop you right there”

⁃ “as i was saying you can have a 1-to-3 wiper, that’s an A-tier poo, my friend”

⁃ “i want you to eat your sock”

⁃ “you know i’m a child- i’m a minor” “sO AM I DICKHEAD”

⁃ “everyone is calling you dresus” “yeah i am”

⁃ “ayyyy ayyyy los DROGAS LOS DROGAS” “no no big q- she’s thirteen- how does this happen with every 13 year old girl you meet?”

⁃ “my poo has muscles like i do”

⁃ “i cant hear the words among us without crying they’ll say there are aliens among us and in the back youll just hear me *choking noises*”

⁃ “tubbo...tubbo is like...tubbo is like mary” “.....did you just call me the Virgin Mary?”

⁃ “i’m just saying, have you ever seen me and jesus in the same room?”

⁃ “do you smoke sam” “all the time”

⁃ “i thought you were talking about the- the speeeeed drug”

⁃ “have you ever sold drugs to kids sam?” “......no”

⁃ “we can’t let the girlboss rule because she will gatekeepe my feelings” “that would not be good”

⁃ “THEY DIDNT INVITE ME TO KILL ME???? NOW I HAVE FOMO”

⁃ “you have obviously taken part in scientology-“ “i have not-“ “you’ve donated to tom cruises cult shit”

⁃ “....am i worse than david dobrik?” “are- are we worse than david dobrik?” “oh- oh god”

⁃ “he has broke one of the rules of the hit best seller ‘the bible’- this kind of looks like a cock”

⁃ “well i’ve moved now, KING”

⁃ “what is an angsty teen and am i one? because when i USED to hang out with my friends they use the word angst a lot”

⁃ “yeah yeah yeah i bench”

⁃ “sam i think i’m angsty i think i’m an angsty tik tok teen looking for a community to help me out”

⁃ “i don’t think you’ve followed the train of logic all the way-“ “there’s a TRAIN INVOLVED????????”

⁃ “i’m like the orange fucker from that animated rom com”

⁃ “i’m under the influence of big cock”

⁃ “it’s meeee big cock man”

⁃ “i cant look away” “sam please use your twitter alt for this” “he’s horny on maaaainnnnn” “and what’s wrong with that?” “.......”

⁃ “you’re a FUCKING IDIOT” “IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT, BIG COCK”

⁃ “i’m gonna call you ‘cockity’ big cock” “sHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP-“

⁃ “STOP LOOKING AT IT” “ITS SO VIBRANT”

⁃ “at least this guy doesn’t have a cock-“ “itS NOT A COCK” “horny on main jesus-“

⁃ “is that a cock” “SHUT THE FUCK UP”

⁃ “.....i wanna see the inside of it again do a split”

⁃ “okay sam-“ “tommy that guy wants your cock-“ “no- no he doesn’t sam”

⁃ “sam, sam and i need you to hear this....dont. act. up.” “i don’t act up-“ “you were acting up-“ “i-“ “you were caught in 8k.” “but- but we both agree it’s not a tie-“

⁃ “please don’t tell me to kill cockity i am overwhelmed”

⁃ “why is there an anus in my tie?”

⁃ “what are the legal implications of this?” “...i mean besides hell you’re good”

⁃ “whatre the legal implications?” “i mean usually that’s a no-no but today, today it’s fine” “yeahhh lets go murder his family”

⁃ “i’d be an antivax landlord”

⁃ “jesus never does drugs” “well- well you turned water into wine king and wine is alcohol”

⁃ “can you put on pants i can’t- i cant stop looking at it- sorry tommy i know you said-“ “yeah sam i know you tried-“

⁃ “you know i fuck with satan”

⁃ “i’m sorry jesus lucifer is just such a good man-“ “oh you- hold me BACK FROM THIS FUCKER HOLD ME BACK ILL SEND HIM TO HELL YOU LIKE HELL-“

⁃ “are you jesus or just a man who grew a beard and put on a suit?”

⁃ “even the guy with his cock out is telling you to stop-“ “oh jesus, and i mean jesus-“ “shUT THE FUCK UP MAN”

⁃ “the best best way to slander him is to stop his offspring; we need to kick him the balls.....no? not a good....? alright us four each take a ball-“

⁃ “......why did jesus give him four scrotums man🙁🙁”

[cali-is-my-canvas]

MHA RAVE AU HEADCANONS

Part 1

Ok so I had started artworks for this idea because being a weeb and a raver, it only made sense to me.

So here’s a list of the MHA characters (all 18+) and what I think they’d be like as ravers including the genre, style and uh….. “party favors” they’d indulge in if they do indulge.

Izuku Midoriya

You can’t convince me that Deku isn’t a baby raver. He’s one of those that starts off wide eyed and so excited to start raving.

Definitely a budding Kandi Kid. He loves making kandi and trading with other people and he definitely takes videos or pics of his trades to add to his scrapbook.

Is the kind of baby raver that scrapbooks for his memories of each show/festival he goes to. He saves the admission bands and takes tons of pics.

Is fairly mainstream with his taste is DJs but will go to check out other sub genres if he goes with other groups. Mostly along the lines of Zedd, The Chainsmokers, David Guetta. Very house/pop vibes.

He’s very comfy style. Is big on merch shirts. Has a Fanny pack and a camel pack with essentials like gum, water, hair ties, a mini first aid kit, power banks, a couple fans and Vick’s.

Is the kind of guy that is very sweet so girls flock to him to either treat him like baby or flirt with him cuz he’s good boi. Will lift people on his shoulders, guy or girl.

Light show caretaker. He’s the one who holds your hand, fans you, will probably sit you in his lap whether you’re a guy gal or non binary pal.

His rave name is either Deku or Broccoli.

Izuku isn’t one to take any kind of “party favors”. If anything, he’s the one making sure everybody else is staying hydrated and safe. Usually the designated driver.

OFA gives him great strength which proves very useful when going to 3 day festivals as he ends up as the pack mule. Along with the multitude of other quirks attached ro OFA, he uses them as needed.

Shoto Todoroki

Wasn’t really ecstatic about raving but also didn’t hate the idea. He kinda just tagged along because Izuku wanted to go.

Also very big on house/pop/mainstream stuff. Will listen to trance on occasion but he has to really be in the mood.

Only really takes pics if he remembers or if Izuku tells him to. He likes to enjoy the shows in the moment.

Because he’s from a rich family, he usually gets to have VIP passes and will either sneak his friends in or just flat out walk them in. No fucks given.

Also very comfy. Will take his shirt off only if it gets too hot. Very little kandi but faithfully wears the one Izuku gave him.

Gets hit on a lot. Gives the strong silent type vibes so he lures in the girls but he’s kinda clueless. Will help put people on his shoulders if they ask but he’s not one to offer.

Not a big “party favor” person so he’ll just drink every now and again.

I feel like his rave name will be IcyHot, Peppermint, or something along those lines.

His dual-quirks of ice and fire help tremendously in warming people up or cooling them down.

Katsuki Bakugou

Katsuki took a bit of convincing but when he heard the boom of the bass, he was hooked. He loves the heavy beats and drops and loves to mosh pit.

Is a kandi kid but focuses more on head banging and rail breaking. The ones he trades kandi with are usually the ones he liked head banging with or got good vibes from. Will infamously wear his kandi gauntlets to festivals.

He is HEAVY on the bass. Very into hard style, dubstep, deathstep, drum and bass and moombatah. Sullivan King, Excision, Dion Timmer, etc.

Loves doing that headbanger thing with Kirishima where they lock hands and headbang at each other. Will also break his neck with Kirishima.

Absolutely is the type of guy to be shirtless the entire time. Will vary between bandanas, face masks, kandi masks or gas masks. Camel pack is a necessity and so is gum and vicks.

Does get hit on but his aggressive nature is off putting to most. Takes pics with a lot of people because of his Kandi gauntlets. If he does click with somebody he’s very possessive and the “party favors” make him very flirtatious and grabby but he’s v respectful.

Gives amazing back/shoulder rubs. Will usually put a girl in his lap when she gets a light show so she’s not uncomfy on the floor. For guys, he’s very selective but good vibes unless you give off Chad energy.

If he didn’t click with anybody at the show/festival and is feeling touchy feely, Kiri is his go to. Even if Kiri makes a connection, you’ll often see Katsuki close by and being the “tag team top” to Kiri.

Definitely uses “party favors”. Prefers E and acid. Big on Kandi Flipping. Will try Jedi Flipping but doesn’t wanna overdo it.

His rave name is either Dynamite or Grenade. Was almost gonna be Kacchan when he went with Izuku but he shut that down real fast.

His explosion quirk comes in handy with hyping up the crowd with mini explosion. They also double for giving light shows. Likes watching faces melt.

Kyoka Jirou

I definitely think she’s one of the ones that introduced everyone to raving to open up their music taste.

She listens to a little of everything but prefers house, trance, techno and probably a little psy-trance.

She’s definitely a budding DJ/Producer. Has her own EPs out on SoundCloud and shit. Definitely invites everyone she knows to her shows.

Not so big on kandi but she loves spreading the PLUR vibes. Will give hugs, braid hair, have spare hair ties, etc.

Super into hearing different types of music so will definitely wander around different stages.

Style is very lax but also very rocker. Ripped tank tops, fishnets, leg wraps face masks, boots.

Sometimes partakes in “party favors” but very low doses. Mostly E or molly water

She’s the kind that will give amazing massages when someone is getting a light show. Does get hit on but usually ends up befriending everybody.

Her raver name is tricky. I feel like she’d get something Joane Jet or something very rocker.

Her quirk is tricky for this environment. It can be a hit or miss. Because of the volume she obviously can’t amplify the sound. Because her ear jacks can move on their own, she usually is the one catching people’s stuff, getting a better grip on them etc.

Ochako Uraraka

Very bubbly and upbeat. Definitely pop-ish/mainstream vibes. Will randomly be on a bass kick and it’s frightening.

She was super excited to go to a rave and was very baby raver but she loves it now.

She’s definitely the type to wear the cutesy outfits with tutus and bright colors and patterns and the body glitter everywhere and jewels. Probably leg warmer floofs.

Loves Kandi and trading kandi. Super friendly and bubbly. Makes friends with everybody.

Carries a fanny pack with the basics. Usually relies on Izuku for water and stuffs.

She’s a molly water chick. No debating. She can’t take a whole dosage. She’s gotta take it in Gatorade or water. Has to be watched cuz her bubbly nature makes her wander off so she’ll usually be tethered to somebody.

Usually hyping up the light show artist while they melt your face off. Will fan you off, hold your hand, give you shoulder and scalp massages.

I feel like her nickname would be something like Pinkie Pie or Bubbles. Very fitting for her personality.

Her quirk is definitely a god send for the other vertically challenged ravers. She’ll use her quirk to help float up to get a better view. Izuku is usually nearby keeping Ochaco and whoever she floats in his hands so they don’t float away.

Eijirou Kirishima

Is good boi himbo who wanted to be included. Listened to dubstep and loved it.

Very much into dubstep, hard style, deathstep and moombatah. Drum and bass too because of Katsuki.

Is a headbanger and rail breaker. Loves doing the hand holding, head banging thingy with Bakugou and is always ready to dive into the moshpits. Is totally that guy that’s crazy in mosh pits but then profusely apologizes after.

Trades kandi like it’s water. He’s so cute and always down to make trades.

Is absolutely big good himbo boi who drank his respecc womens juice. He will happily give them a lift on his shoulders and will fight everybody who disrespects any girl at the raves. Douchebag Chads beware.

Relies on Katsuki for stuff like water and gum and shit.

Will partake in some “party favors” and makes sure he doesn’t dose too high so he can keep an eye out for the females in his group. E, Molly and Acid are a yes. Shrooms scare him

His rave name is totally Daddy Shark or Jaws or something shark related.

Unbreakable gives Kiri great strength which, much like Izuku, makes him one of the packmules for festivals. Also keeps him unscathed by moshpits and makes him a terror to Chads that are quick to throw hands.

Tsuyu Asui

Was invited to a show by Jirou at first but always tags along with Izuku and Ochaco and Shoto. The bigger the crowd the better.

I feel like while she’s very cute and bubbly, her outfits are more on the conservative side. Still cute and slightly sexy but she’s heavy on the frog aesthetic. Lots of greens and Froggies. Braid to keep her hair out of the way.

Also very mainstream. House heavy. Pop main.

Comfy shoes are a must. Has a camel back that is always filled with water. Carries a giant fan and always has Kandi. During the day, she likes to carry an umbrella so the sun isn’t such a pain.

Has tried “party favors” and every now and again she’ll partake. Prefers super light drinking around her group tho.

Is hit on but is always very nice to turn people down. She’s more focused on the fun and her friends rather than hooking up or anything.

Her froggy quirk isn’t of too much in the rave environment other than using that long tongue to reign in her wander friends.

Denki Kaminari

Was introduced to raving by Jirou and loves it. He’s definitely her hype machine, promoting her shows, pushing merch and even volunteering to use his quirk for lighting during her sets.

Will definitely join the Bakusquad at the hard style and dubstep stages. Also loves techno and moombatah. Loves the high energy stuff.

Neons and glow in the darks are big in his rave wardrobe. Can and will rock fishnets with pride. Tank tops are more common but will go shirtless if it gets too hot or he gets too touchy feely. Kind of a cyberpunk feel sometimes.

Is a die hard kandi kid. Usually has them in the theme of video games or anime. Basically his arms are covered in kandi but the ones from his friends stay safe in a Fanny pack.

As an avid raver, he knows what you need and has it when you need it. Chapstick? Check. Gum? Tons. Lighters? Honey it’s a sin that you’re even asking.

Absolutely partakes in “party favors” and gets very handsy and flirtatious. Is respectful but can be a handful. Usually ends up being babysat by Jirou. E, Molly, acid and shrooms.

Is a huge flirt. I personally feel like he’s Pan so the whole crowd is fair game for his flirting. Hella good kisser with guys girls and non binaries. Uses his quirk for minimal stimulation.

His quirk is definitely a raver’s delight. He’s usually the one helping power people’s phones, helping keep machines running in the off chance the power surge is too much. Uses it for stimulation during make out sessions or light shows. Will also give light shows. Can’t do it for too long though because the light shows require a lot of focus on maintaining the output to smaller levels.

His rave name is Pikachu and I’m not taking any arguments/complaints/criticisms.

Tenya Iida

Was invited a rave and didn’t mind it but too chaotic for his taste.

He’s usually the guy working the rave at the water stands, merch stands or medical tent.

Rave dad vibes. Yells to not run, drink water and highly discourages use of “party favors”.

Has been hit on a couple times but is a dork and it usually goes over his head.

T-shirts and cargo shorts are his staple outfit. Always with a camel pack

His engine quirk helps him get from one end of the festival grounds to the other in no time flat so he has a specific path for him to run through cuz those speeds will knock a bitch out.

Even though he doesn’t really rave he was given a rave name and it’s Sonic.

Mina Ashido

The epitome of a fucking rave queen. She’s one of the other reasons that everybody else got into raving.

Is everywhere. She listens to a bit of everything. Loves the energy of dubstep, loves shuffling to techno, can and will throws elbows in a mosh pit at a hard style stage and will sing with you at the mainstream stages.

She’s definitely a brand ambassador and wears all the cutest outfits with the coolest patterns and most awesome styles. Tastefully sexy outfits that show off just enough.

Absolutely a kandi kid. Very alien friendly themed kandi. Full arms of traded kandi and kandi that is yet to be traded.

She’s a super bright personality that draws people in. She gets equal attention from guys and girls and non binaries and will gladly make out with anybody that gives her a good vibe.

Definitely partakes in “party favors”. Loves Kandi Flipping and Jedi flipping. Is the kind to chew her cheek raw so she needs either a pacifier or lots of gum.

For obvious reasons, her quirk is a no no. Shooting acid everywhere? Yea let’s not.

Her rave name is Alien Queen or ET Babe

Hanta Sero

Absolutely loves raving and I’m gonna stick with the Latino HC. He is a moombatah and trap king. Also loves artists like Deorro that have a lot of Latin fusion in their stuff. When “Bailar” came out, he played it for hours on end.

Very lax clothes. Very much stoner style. But on rare occasions he goes with the Chad aesthetic. Has that undercut but with longer hair up top style and will often swing it it up in a man bun.

He’s a promoter for sure. Usually has access to backstage because he gets in good with DJs.

Does use “party favors” but is mainly 4/20 friendly. Loves shotgunning. Is usually the guy that carries extra “party favors”. Will def go on an acid or shroom trip with first timers.

Very sexually fluid so good vibes are pretty much all that are required. Hella god dancer and uses that to his advantage.

Has all the essentials. Especially lighters. Is the one that remembers the eye drops.

His rave name is definitely Papi or Rey (Spanish for King).

His quirk is another one that doesn’t have much use other than to wrangle in his wandering friends.

Momo Yaoyorozu

Wasn’t keen on going at first but when she saw that even Shoto was going, she thought she’d give it a try. Is another rich kid so does have the VIP access for the sake of having a good/comfy place to sit and rest.

Mainstream for sure. Very pop heavy vibes. Some house and trance

Very much the rave mom. Keeping everybody hydrated and safe.

Given that her quirk relies heavily on her energy and all that, she doesn’t partake in party favors

Tries to keep it cute but usually ends up looking more on the sexy side.

She’s been convinced to be a brand ambassador for the sake of modeling the clothes. But she always asks for the more covered up options.

Is too busy taking care of everybody to worry about meeting people.

Her quirk is perfect for raving. Being able to create anything certainly has come in handy. Makes her a god send to those who forgot something like lighter, chapstick, hair tie etc.

Her rave name would probably be Mama Momo.

Hitoshi Shinsou

Now this guy is heavy into psy-trance. Think more along the lines of artists like Infected Mushroom.

He’s the connect that everybody goes to. Meaning yes, he partakes in party favors. Particularly the psychedelics like shrooms and acid.

Very cyber punk/street wear vibes. Comfy but still fits that aesthetic. Absolutely uses either his voice mask or a gas mask.

He gives the mysterious vibe so he has a lot of people drawn to him. I feel like he gives major Pansexual vibes. He’ll mainly go make out with Denki if he’s solo.

Just a basic Fanny pack with a few things in it like gum, chapstick, lighter.

Definitely a glover. Loves giving light shows because it almost feels like he’s using his quirk.

Can use his quirk in this type of environment but the loudness makes it tricky. Will mainly use it for the purpose of making sure people take care of themselves.

Fumikage Tokoyami

I feel like Tokoyami would definitely be into more dubstep and psytrance.

He was very open minded about raving and definitely wanted to try it at least once.

Occasionally partakes in party favors but likes to be lucid.

Is also a glover like Shinsou. But with Dark Shadow, he can go all out with the tricks and visuals.

Very casual and comfortable. Baggy t shirts and sweats. Will sometimes dress with a cyber punk aesthetic if he feels like adding a little extra oomf.

Trades some kandi but not always.

Dark shadow is a conversation starter and the darkness proves to be particularly tricked but because there are constant sources of light (glow sticks, laser light shows, etc) it’s easily tamable.

Won’t put anybody on his shoulders but Dark Shadow will definitely help hoist somebody up for a better view.

Rave name would probably be things along the lines of ominous authors. So probably Edgar Allan Crow, F.T. Lovecraft, or just Lovecraft.

Keigo “Hawks” Takami

Oh this man? This man eats, sleeps, raves, repeats. He breathes PLUR.

He does partake in party favors but is responsible. He’s the one making sure you keep dosage to a minimal. E and Molly water. Acid sometimes. Shrooms make him feel funny

Can definitely afford the VIP tickets but would rather be in the crowd. Especially because he loves big groups. He’s definitely the kind of guy that gives Chad vibes when you first see him but he’s the complete opposite. Will definitely be the kind of guy to start shit with a Chad that won’t leave girls alone.

Totally shirt off the entire time. Will purposely do some subtle flexing just cuz he can.

Is totally hit on by guys gals and non binary alike. He is a looker so that’s to be expected. Usually cargo shorts are a go-to and he rocks bandanas.

Is a kandi kid for sure and loves to trade. He’s even made a few with his feathers attached but those are especially for people he REALLY vibes with.

He’s got a good mix of music taste. Will totally throw down with the hard stylers but definitely get lost and philosophical with the trancies.

Is a HELLA good kisser and uses his wings when he wants a little privacy.

Speaking of wings, those definitely come in handy at raves. I mean for one thing, they work like an umbrella when it’s hot out. Secondly they’re basically built in fans. Thirdly, they work for privacy. And he’ll totally fly you up and get you a better view of the show.

His charisma is definitely at 100 and I can totally see him getting you backstage to meet your fave artists.

The rave name is tricky but maybe Hawks will be the basic one. His friends use KFC or Red. No wait. Fuck it. Maverick or Top Gun. Something like that.

Alrighty my thirsty gremlins. I’m gonna stop this here. I’m getting a tad lazy so if there are other characters you wanna see from MHA as ravers, blow up my asks and I’ll make a part 2.

[watchmegetobsessed]

The best present - Harry Styles

Sequel to UPDATE

on demand, this is a fluffy little sequel to update, hope you’ll like it! tagging the people who asked for said sequel: @urdadbtch​ @f-vasquezp​ 

word count: 3k

masterlist

Harry has a soft spot for surprises. Especially if he is the one planning them for a loved one. The overflowing joy he sees in one’s eyes upon receiving a carefully planned surprise just gives him a different type of satisfaction in life, one he couldn’t live without.

His life has taken a pleasant turn ever since Y/N entered it, virtually and in a real dimension. It hasn’t been the easiest with his hectic schedule and her anchored life in Spokane, but with some time paid to adjusting to the situation they managed to make it work. He wouldn’t have settled for anything else, because he just simply couldn’t imagine his life without her anymore and luckily she felt the same way.

Harry fell in love with her quicker than what it took for the weather to turn cold in the fall. It felt like the most natural thing that has ever happened to him, to fall for her whole being, everything that’s her on the inside and outside. Harry often caught himself thinking what he did in life to earn such a beautiful person in his life. He hasn’t figured that one out yet.

Y/N was like a warm summer breeze on a hot august evening, easily charmed anyone and everyone Harry introduced her to. She slowly but surely met some of the most important people in Harry’s life and he just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that it felt like she’s been part of his life since forever even on the first meetings.

“She is wonderful, I love her,” his mother told him when they finally had the chance to meet upon a weekend they spent in New York. It was a lucky time when both his mother and Y/N were free and he took the chance to cook up a mini vacation in the city right away. Anne was thrilled to meet the woman that had her son wrapped around her fingers even before meeting.

Harry felt like he was on the top of the world when he saw the two women get along like they’ve been friends for years, it filled his heart even more.

The situation was quite the same with Gemma, in just a blink of an eye they were making plans on their own not including Harry, which hit him a little hard in the chest, but he was happy knowing they found the common ground.

“You amaze me so much,” he once told Y/N when they were spending the night at her place, one of those weekends when Harry flew all the way to Spokane just to spend less than 48 hours with her. Even with the long flights and hustle that came with the traveling he wouldn’t have done it any other way. If he could see her smile for just ten minutes he would have travelled days.

“I do?” she asked smirking up at him, putting her book aside as she rested her chin on his tattooed chest.

“Mhm,” he hummed with a quirky smile. “In so many ways.”

“Write a song about them so I can listen to it,” she told him as a joke. Little did she know that not even a week later that’s exactly what Harry did. It was another addition to the endless list of songs she inspired.

December creeped its way around the corner faster than they were expecting and in a blink of an eye every store was filled with Christmas ornaments and wrapping papers, the most iconic Christmas songs were played everywhere, making those who work at retail want to throw Michael Bublé and Mariah Carey right out the window for every having the thought of recording Christmas music.

Harry and Y/N had plans for the holidays. They agreed on spending three days from 22nd to 24th with his family and then fly to Portland to be with her family from the 25th to 27th before they head to New York City to spend the last few days left from the year together and celebrate the new year at a party Harry was invited to.

These plans were set in stone right until Harry decided to surprise his lover with the best gift he could think about. It was a tough call and took him weeks to arrange but Harry was able to get Y/N’s brother to leave for the holidays earlier, on the 21st instead of just the 26th.

“Why are we changing it again?” Y/N asks curiously as she sits on Harry’s lap when they are changing their plane tickets so they could start the holidays at her family instead of his.

“Mom is not going to be home until the 24th,” he lies and then adds: “Gemma is also gonna only arrive on the 23rd. Figured it would work better. We would be at your parents’ from the 21st to the 23rd, go to the UK from 24th to 26th and there is an early flight so we would be in Portland by the time your brother arrives.”

He had spent a long time figuring out how to manage the dates so she wouldn’t be suspicious. Seemingly, it worked, because Y/N nods as she stands up and walks over to the kitchen.

“Alright. But isn’t that too much of a hustle to go back and forth two times?”

“Not that horrible,” Harry smiles in her way, his fingers moving fast on the keyboard to make the right changes for their trips before she returns and sees that the dates are not exactly the same as he told her. Luckily, she hops onto the kitchen counter as he finishes up and closes his laptop feeling ecstatic about the surprise he has planned for her.

“It’s gonna be busy,” she points out as Harry walks over to her, placing his hands on each side of her on the counter.

“But we will be busy together,” he grins leaning closer to steal a kiss.

As the days pass by Harry is growing more and more excited about the surprise. He almost slipped a few times upon talking about the holidays, but managed to save the situation just in time. Y/N had no idea what he had in store for her.

“That’s all your stuff for our trip?” Y/N asks when Harry arrives to her place with his decent, normal sized suitcase that has his essentials for the next about seven days while they will be on the road. He glances down at his bag before walking inside and setting it down in the hallway.

“Love, I’ve learned how to pack in a smart way,” he tells her teasingly before pecking her on the lips while he takes his coat off and hangs it in the hallway.

“Yeah, but it’s an entire week. I’m going with twice this much.”

“’Cuz you are packing for New York as well. We’ll be staying in my place, remember? I don’t need stuff for that time,” he reminds her and he is right, but she is still amazed at how he managed to fit everything he needs into just one suitcase.

That night Harry lies awake with her sleeping form next to him. Looking around the room he thinks about how this is the same place he fell in love with her, but it was through just a screen. All the plants, the furniture, the bed he saw behind her in the videos are now his reality as well and in just a few short months they have grown so close to each other, he couldn’t imagine his life in a different way.

“What’s the matter?” he hears her groggy voice coming from next to him and looking to the side he sees that she is blinking at him in the dark.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head, turning to his side to face her, noses almost touching on the pillow.

“Then why aren’t you sleeping?” she asks, sneaking a hand to his back under the covers and she starts to gently stroke his skin with his fingertips, sending a shiver down his spine.

“Just… excited about the holidays,” he whispers with a shrug. He can’t tell her that he is excited to meet your family, especially your brother since he is kind of the reason you ever got the chance to meet. He feels like he is too worked up about meeting her parents and cousins, but he can’t wait to feel like he is part of her family. What he doesn’t know is that she already sees him as part of it, has been since she realized how deeply in love she is with him.

“Mmm, excited about your gifts?” she teases him with closed eyes, but her fingers are still moving on his back. Harry lets out a soft chuckle.

“Especially about those.”

He brings his arm around her frame and pulls her to his chest as they make themselves comfortable under the covers, legs tangled, her face resting on his chest as he gently strokes her arms, soothing her back into sleep.

“I love you,” he whispers thinking she has already fallen back asleep. It wasn’t the first time he has said the words to her, but tonight just feels a little different.

“Love you too,” she mumbles back pressing a kiss to his naked chest before she sighs and lets herself fall back into sleep.

 Her family knew about the change in Sammy’s arrival, but Harry made them promise they won’t say a word to Y/N, keeping it as a surprise.

Her mother welcomes the two of them with warm excitement, the house already smelling amazing from all the different cookies she’s been baking, the dinner is also in the making on the stove.

“Finally here!” she hugs both of them, even though she hasn’t officially met Harry, only talked to him on the phone about Sammy’s early arrival. “Come on in!”

The two of them get rid of their winter attire before Harry turns to her mother holding out a hand to make their first meeting official.

“So nice to meet ya, I’m Harry.”

Instead of taking his hand her mother pulls him into another tight hug that he returns with a soft chuckle.

“I’m so happy you are finally here! I’ve heard so much good about you,” she tells him with a sly, knowing smile while Y/N is not looking. “I can tell you are a blessing to the family already.”

“Thank you,” he nods smiling.

Harry meets Y/N’s dad and two of her cousins who have arrived earlier and they all gather in the living room just talking at first, then soon enough they start playing board games. They get stuck on Activity, the pairs are Y/N and Harry, her mom and dad, and her two cousins. The competition is burning up the house, Harry can tell they all take the game very seriously.

Through the game Harry keeps glancing out the window, waiting for a car to park at the driveway. He has sent a car to pick Sammy up, but since he didn’t have his phone on him just yet he couldn’t let Harry know when he would be arriving exactly.

Just after he is done drawing in one of the rounds he sees the black car pull up at the house. Harry pretends to get a call and he can see the excitement grow in her parents’ eyes as they already know what this means, while Y/N is oblivious to anything that’s about to happen. Harry quietly makes his way out of the house hoping he didn’t draw her attention, and that’s when Sammy gets out of the car thanking the driver for the ride. As he turns around Harry is stunned to see how much the two of them resemble. He sees her eyes in his, their ears curl the same way and he has the exactly same hair color as her. There was no doubt the two of them were related.

“Harry, right?” he asks holding his hand out firmly that Harry takes smiling.

“Yeah. Sammy, I supposed.”

“The one and only,” he chuckles holding his bag’s strap over his shoulder.

“I would love to chat more, but I think we should move inside first,” Harry suggests and Sammy follows him up the few stairs that leads to the front door.

“Harry! Come on, we are up next!” Y/N calls out from the living room as the two guys walk inside.

She is seated on the floor, her back to the hallway so she doesn’t see when the two men walk in, grinning from ear to ear. She only notices something is happening when she sees her mother gasp happily at the sight of her son.

“What—“ she starts but turning around her words disappear as she stares up at her brother who she hasn’t seen in what feels like ages.

Harry overflows with joy when he sees how shocked she is, in the best way possible. He watches her leap to her feet and jolt right at Sammy, throwing herself into his arms as he lifts her up, twirling her around in excitement.

“Hi there, little sis,” he chuckles still holding her close as she is fighting with her tears upon the surprise she just had.

“How… What are you doing here early?” she asks in total awe as she tries to comprehend that he is truly here, in her arms.

“Ask you boyfriend,” Sammy chuckles looking in Harry’s direction. “He arranged an early leaving for me, I don’t know how, but he did,” Sammy adds letting go of his sister.

As her parents make their way to their son Y/N moves over to Harry, still in complete disbelief that he did this.

“How?” she asks, arms snaking up around his neck while his hands get a hold of her waist.

“I have… connections,” he shrugs shyly and she just shakes her head laughing before she pulls him down for the sweetest thank you kiss.

“I can’t believe you,” she sighs pecking his lips once again.

“What I can’t believe is that he could keep it a secret this long,” Sammy speaks up.

“Wait, how long have you known this?”

“A couple weeks. Got it finalized early December,” Harry admits, feeling proud that he could make this happen.

“So this is why we had to change the tickets!” she gasps in realization. “When do we have to leave for real then?”

“We are staying until the 25th, our plane leaves in the afternoon,” he smiles warmly as he sees her eyes light up. According to the original plans they would have had only two days with Sammy at home, but this way it’s almost four entire days. “This was the most I could get, Love,” Harry adds, feeling a bit guilty that they are leaving to see his family, but Y/N shakes her head.

“This is absolutely perfect. You gave me the best present,” she smiles cupping his face in her hands as she pulls him down for another kiss.

This Christmas goes down as the best one she has ever had. The time they spend with her family holds a special place in her heart, especially because she loves seeing her family and Harry get along so well. She now knows what he felt when she met his mother and sister. Seeing him be so kind to her mom and have loads of things to talk about with her dad and brother warms her in a way only Harry can make her feel.

The feeling doesn’t change when they arrive to his home. She feels like she is part of the family just as much as he is. They spend some splendid days with his extended family, enjoying the spirit of the holidays and she is almost sad when it’s time for them to leave.

“Come back soon, Sweetheart,” Anne tells her when they are saying goodbye at the airport.

“I will, if he is okay with bringing me next time,” she chuckles glancing at Harry by her side.

“Oh I sure am, Love,” he smiles kissing the top of her head.

Those couple of days they spend together in the city holds memories they will surely never forget. They finally get to spend time together without anything interrupting them, just enjoying the little moments, falling deeper in love with each passing day.

The last day arrives in a fast pace and neither of them can believe the year is ending so soon. They spend the day in bed mostly before it’s time to get ready for the party one of Harry’s friends is hosting in Manhattan.

It’s a nice way to end such a wonderful year, they mix and mingle with the guests but keep each other close, especially when they reach the last minutes of the year left. Harry takes her hand and pulls her out to the balcony to have some privacy before the countdown.

“Crazy how we are here,” he sighs as his arms are wrapped around her figure, warming her body as much as he can in the New York City winter time.

“Who would have thought?” she chuckles placing a sweet kiss to his jawline.

“Not me,” he admits laughing. “But I’m glad it’s my reality now.”

Y/N smiles up at him with gratitude in her eyes, just when the countdown starts inside.

“Have you ever had a New Year’s Eve kiss?” Harry asks as he pulls her closer, if that’s even possible.

“Sadly, I have not.”

“Then can I have the pleasure to be your first?” he smirks down at her and she just nods biting into her bottom lip.

“Three! Two! One!” the guests call out inside as the whole city erupts at the same time, fireworks go off and cheering echoes through the building, but it all fades into nothing as Harry leans down and kisses her sweetly. They spend the first couple of moments of the new year melted together until they pull back for air. The crispy winter air has turned his nose red quickly and she is lost in how adorable but handsome he still manages to look.

“Harry Styles,” she sighs feeling defeated by her own feelings. “You are one wonderful creature, you know that?” she wonders, as if she was saying her inner thoughts out loud. Harry chuckles as he presses a kiss to her forehead.

“That makes the two of us, Love.”

I’m opening a Harry taglist, let me know if you are interested in being on it!

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Touch starved/ hurt reader - hcs or scenarios the turtles? Reader super cool regarding friendship, like funny and open etc etc, but if someone tries to do anything that implies a bit more regarding romantic stuff they are kinda like oop- no. Reader is kinda jumpy and just freezes when someone’s they like does any kind of affection ( blushes a lot, try to run away and avoid those situations) people have taken them for granted which has make them a bit cold and defensive in that area- they want to be more affectionate ( which they know deep down it’s what they crave) but it’s kinda they are a scared / angry cat? Please, hope this makes sense, thank you

( also regarding looks and gender I think you can go with they/them so everyone can see a look but if themselfs in the scenario, and if you are going to any kind of skin ship, make the reader extremely defensive over their arms and tummy pls, I do love hugs but if anyone touches my hips I’ll try to get away so fast omg sbbtjfjdkdksn and I will just close off momentarily, I absolutely hate it, I’m more on the heavy side ( talk and chubby ) and if anyone’s touches the “giggly” parts I get extremely upset ( because of how ppl havemade fun of it over the years) and I think the boys would be very “??? What?” To that reaction cuz they didn’t think it was some thing bad to have? ( like a more soft and chunky/chubby body) because they haven’t been exposed long enough to society’s judgment or beauty standards ( I mean they know about! The ones who would have read more about it maybe it’s Leo and Donnie, but what I mean maybe they have never experienced something like this - themselfs irl) Eitherway this ask is already so long omg I’m sorry and thank you, if it’s too much you don’t have to do it, have a good night/ day!)

Okay first of all I love you and I would die for you. You are a perfect human being and there is literally no one else like you. Your body does a damn good job of keeping all of your organs in place and that's what matters. If anyone tells you different you rock their absolute shit.

And don't worry, I understood the request perfectly so no worries on that, I've got a similar body type except I'm really short. But I'm also super defensive over being touched or having those parts of my body perceived, so trust me when I say you're not alone. We be vibing with this together.

Now to the writing!

TMNT Headcanons

Boys reacting to a touch starved/defensive reader

Michaelangelo

Look man, our boy here is body positivity central, he thinks you look amazing and he wants everyone to know it

As far as you two go he's your best friend, your homie, your main man

So of course he's gonna wanna show you off, why wouldn't he?

He doesn't think you'd have a reason to not be okay with it, you've always been playful with him and his brothers

So obviously there's some widespread confusion once Casey gets tossed into the mix

All Mikey had done was reach behind him and snag you by the waist to pull you over

That was all

The words "and this is my best friend, y/n" never got the chance to leave his mouth

He was definitely not expecting you to squeak out in protest and scramble away from him as fast as humanly possible

Your face was burning red and you were clutching your sides, desperately trying not to bare your teeth in defence

Mikey couldn't help but feel heartbroken

Was there something wrong with him?

You sent Casey an unenthusiastic wave before turning on your heel and basically running out

Leaving a very confused orange turtle behind you

When he finally managed to catch up to you later you rushed to explain why you'd reacted the way you did

You couldn't stand his expression when you explained that no- you didn't think he was disgusting and no, he hadn't done anything wrong.

But he did seem baffled at you telling him that it was because you hated being touched there.

"Look Mikey, I've got no problem with the whole contact thing but you gotta give me a warning or something before you go around grabbing me. Okay?"

He was 100% fine with that

Anything to make you comfortable

But you both got to the point of being able to laugh at your reaction to the turtle trying to hold your hand

"Seriously Michaelangelo, I have a reputation to maintain. How am I supposed to do that when you're giving me feelings?"

Donatello

It completely baffled him

By all accounts it didn't make sense

You threw around compliments like you were playing hot potato and for whatever reason you'd always find someway to playfully flirt with him

But the second one of his brothers suggested something other than the innocent friendship the two of you had you would shut down completely

And coincidentally those types of comments were made at the most inconvenient times

Nothing screamed awkward more than you going stone cold and standoffish over a piece of pie

Bubbly and excited one moment, tossing around those positive affirmations to your favorite people

And staring murderously at an inanimate object the next

You were like an unsolvable rubix cube to him

But he was determined to figure you out

"Y/N?"

You didn't appear to be busy, just sitting on the haphazard bunk in your makeshift area with a book in your lap

The others had gone out on patrol and you weren't sure where Splinter was at that particular moment which left you and Donnie holding down the lair until they got back

The perfect time to approach the subject

"Hey y/n? Can I ask you something?"

His voice always got a little louder when you were alone, less afraid of being overheard. You looked up with a smile

"Fire away Dove."

His cheeks flushed in surprise

"uhhhhh... whydoyounotlikeme?"

You set your book down and leaned forward to stare at him

"Elaborate."

And he did, god he did, he did it at the speed of sound of course, but you caught every word

let me tell you, this boys heart broke for you when you told him that you did like him

you really really did

but the thought of being romantically involved with anyone made you shut down

Donnie assured you that it was fine

he'd wait for you as long as you needed

Raphael

Look, Raph knows a thing or two about being self conscious

out of all of his brothers he's the one who worries about his appearance the most

but you- holy shit he thinks you're the most amazing, perfect human in the world

so when he finds out that you hate being touched and that thinking about relationships makes your skin crawl he doesn't know whether to genuinely cry for you or punch someone in the mouth

both is okay

You'd always been very bold with your words and sometimes you'd even joke that you couldn't even tell when you were flirting with him

it just slipped out

and hearing that even though you could pull that off as easy as breathing and compliment all of them endlessly but you struggled to be comfortable in your own body?

that was a lot to unpack in one sitting

but the longer he sat with you and listened to you talk him through it the more he understood

sure, it was horrible

and he wouldn't likely stop thinking about hurting the people who'd done this to you (there'd be too many to count)

but you had a way of making him understand things

it was his favorite thing about you

"Uh- you know y/n, I uh- personally I think you look great. Like- all the time."

plz insert awkward finger guns here

there, your playful smirk was back and you were wiggling your eyebrows at him

"Awhhhh... is that Raph I see having feelings?"

Leonardo

he'd done enough listening and reading to know how society treated people who it thought was different

and he hated that you'd had to experience that for most of your life

when it came down to it and he saw that you had become particularly hard on yourself he took it upon himself to check in with you

that's how you'd started meditating with him

and you'd found it quite relaxing if you were completely honest

Leo told you that meditation was the best way to connect with your body and understand it

you hoped that in time you would understand what he meant by that

but the positive affirmations were doing something, so you'd take it

he'd always encourage you when you couldn't yourself

and always jump to your defense when the others got a little to out of bounds with their words

you still would noticeably flinch when touched without warning

they were all working with that

and he still found himself saddened that you'd recoil back into your protective walls if anyone mentioned anything inherently romantic

but you were coming around

and he was endlessly proud of you for that

Alright I hope I was able to get down what you were thinking. This one definitely took the most contemplating out of any of the requests I've gotten so I hope you like it!

[septnautical]

High pitched laughter echoed down the hall and was accompanied by the loud clang of running feet on the steel tiles.

“Hurry Skye! Before they see!” A mischievous voice whispered in restrained glee. Another giggle followed as two small bodies rounded the corner then hid behind the coffee machine in the lounge area. The first voice shushed the other figure who stifled laughter and hid against their shoulder. Once it was quiet there was a beat of silence before another presence rushed in, gasping for breath. “K-Kids! C’mon this isn’t funny!” An older male with ebony hair that fell over his eye exclaimed anxiously, “Your mom doesn’t want you over here!” The hidden figures didn’t dare move or make a sound. The older boy sighed and pushed his hair out of his face, before fidgeting with his arm that seemed to glint in the light. “God, Stacy is gonna kill me…” He then hurries down the rest of the hall- trying to see if he can still catch sight of them. Once the coast is clear, two small heads pop out of their hiding space. The older one, a boy with brunette hair, grins from ear to ear then whoops victoriously.. “Yes! See I told you we could lose him!” He giggled as he pulled his little sister out of their hiding spot. She pushed her bright blonde hair out of her eyes then smiled excitedly at her brother. She clapped and then spun around in glee. The boy laughed then looked around the lounge with curiosity. “I dunno why mom and Sharper were so worried about us being over here! It looks the same as the other side… same boring lounges and machines-” Then, he pauses as another sound echoes down the hall in front of them. He cocks his head then turns to his sister. “Do you hear that?” She repeats his gesture and listens, then nods enthusiastically, her eyes sparkling. The boy grins then grabs her hand and leads her down the hall, “Let’s go see what it is! It sounds like singing!” They sneak down the hall carefully- trying not to give themselves away to their purser. But, to them it felt like an epic spy mission, and they loved every second of it. As they neared the mysterious sound, they realized they had ventured towards another large clearing- a hallway made completely out of glass so they could see the ocean outside. They marveled at the sight of the ocean going out as far as the eye could see. The creatures swimming in the distance and the plant life swaying in the currents. But, what truly caught their eye was the source of the sound. A man with a long blue tail speckled with bright blue spots was circling  the open ocean by the base, his long wing like fins trailing behind him gracefully. He was twirling and singing- his voice mesmerizing and melodic. And, singing alongside him were two rabbit rays, seemingly dancing around him. The kids come to the glass to watch, entranced by the performance. They had only seen the hybrids once- and they seemed so scary! But this one… he’s just singing and swimming. He looks like he could even be nice! After a while, the merman seems to sense something and turns around only to meet the eyes of the two curious little humans. His face flushes, embarrassed now that he knows he was being watched. The rabbit rays stop their dance and bump into the mer’s side, as if trying to get him to start up again. He shushes them and pets their heads before swimming up to the glass.

  He smiles awkwardly and tries to wave, “Uh- Hi there! I… didn’t know I had an audience…” “You sing really pretty!” The boy pipes up and the merman laughs, messing with his hair. “Oh! Thank you! I guess it’s… in my dna you know? These guys are the natural singers-” He pets the rabbit rays again who have come up to his side to observe the children as well. “Oh cool! I didn’t know rabbit rays could sing!” The boy exclaims, excitedly, “Or that you could pet them! Are they nice? What’s their names? And your name!” The rabbit ray mer blinks at the rapid fire questions then laughs, “Well- their cries sound kinda like singing so i just try to sing along! Rabbit rays tend to keep to themselves… but they’re very gentle. Other fish don’t bother them because their skin is poisonous-” He then blinks again and chuckles to himself. 

“Oh and- I’m Chase!” He then points to the rabbit ray on his side, who seems to favor one side as it swims, one of its fins seeming smaller. “And this is Bunny- and this is Grayson,” He points to the other rabbit ray who spins then lets out a cry like a sung greeting. Bunny seems to shy her way behind Chase’s back but peeks back out to look at the kids.

The girl laughs and jumps up at the rabbit rays, her eyes sparkling in amazement. The boy presses more up against the glass and then exclaims, “No way! My middle name is Grayson!” Chase cocks his head in confusion, “Middle… Name? Why do you have more than one name?” The boy makes a face as he thinks of this, “.... i don’t know why- but that’s what my mom calls me! Conner Grayson Brody- that’s me!” He then puts a hand on his sister’s head and messes with her hair. “And this is my little sister, Skye London Brody!” The girl grins through her messed up bangs and waves at Chase. Chase waves back and smiles, “Well then- Nice to meet you Conner Grayson Brody and Skye London Br-” “You don’t have to say our whole names!” Conner laughs, “Just Conner and Skye is good!” “Oh- okay! Nice to meet you- Conner and Skye.” The merman smiles then swims down to be more at their level, looking at them curiously. “...you two are quite small for whitesuits… are you still growing?” The two look at each other then giggle, “I guess so!” Conner replies, “We’re just kids- so it’s gonna be a while until we’re as big as the adults!” “I see…” Chase comments and then smiles at them fondly, “...You two remind me of my brothers when they were very small… when I first met them they were all so tiny… I was always the biggest- now they’re all as big as me!” He laughs, “Maybe one day you two will be big like us too!” Conner’s eyes grow big as he gasps and presses up against the glass, “Could we get cool tails like you too??” Chase balks at this then thinks, “I dunno- Maybe! I dunno if humans can grow tails like us… seems like it could be possible though!” The kids gasp and dance at this, excited. “We never get to swim! I wanna swim all day long and see all of the ocean!” Conner exclaims, zipping around the room with his arms outstretched. Skye jumps up and claps. Then, a female robotic sounding voice pipes up from where she is saying, “Me too! Me too!” Chase chuckles as he watches them, “Why can’t you go swimming now? Isn’t that what white suits are born to do?” The two kids stop and then look at each other. Conner messes with his suit under a big poofy sweater and looks down. “Mom says we can’t stay in the water long if we ever have to go- she says it's too dangerous. Even though- she goes out all the time…” He grumbles and kicks his foot- which seems to clang metalically against the steel tile below. 

“Why does she get to and you can’t?” Chase asks. “I know it’s cuz of my stupid leg-” Conner grunts- then lifts up his suit leg a bit more so Chase can see. He didn’t know why he didn’t notice it earlier. Conner’s lower leg is all silver and made of metal. There’s a small ball joint at the end of his calf that attaches to a foot shaped metal piece. “Mom says I can’t swim well with this… and i can’t swim with only one leg either.” He sighs then points to his sister. “And Skye is too little… and Mama says her brain doesn’t work very well so that’d make it hard to swim. Or call for help if we need it- since Skye has to use her PDA.” The merman tilts his head like a confused animal, “Use her PDA? To talk?” Skye jumps up then pulls her PDA out of her jacket. She quickly pokes around on the surface then looks up at Chase with a bright smile as her PDA speaks with a robotic female voice. “Hi- I am Skye!” She giggles then types out, “I like your blue. You sing good!” Chase seems amazed and he swims to be closer to Skye, smiling from ear to ear. “T-That’s- that’s amazing! Oh Skye, you need to meet my brother Jamie! He can’t talk well either- maybe you can teach him how to do that!” The kids look at each other in wonder then back at Chase with excitement. “Really? Your brother is like my sister??” Conner breathes. “Well- he had an accident when he was little- I dunno if his… brain doesn’t work like you said- which seems weird to me! Skye seems just fine- just like my brother!” Conner scratches his head, “Mmmm mama calls it something else too- she uses lots of fancy words cuz she’s a doctor. I think… it’s called.. A...au-tis-m? But yeah Skye seems just fine to me too! She just likes things a certain way and doesn’t like loud noises and needs help to speak!” Skye nods and then spins around as if to say, ‘See I’m all good!’ Chase smiles warmly and nods along, “Yeah.. I know all my brothers need help here and there… so it doesn’t seem bad to me~.” He looks at the horizon line then back to the kids, ‘It’s still light out, if you two wanted I could take you to go see Jameson!” “Really?” Conner gasps excitedly. “Yeah! I could also teach you some cool tricks to swim better- I taught Bunny to swim even with her wing.” The rabbit ray in question seems to recognize her name and she swims in front of the kids and lifts up her damaged wing to show her swimming just fine. The kids exchange a look then grin and nod, taking off their outer clothes to get to their wet suits underneath. “Mom shouldn’t mind if we have a grown up with us who can swim!” Conner exclaims, looking super giddy. Skye straps her pda to her hip then jumps up and down. Chase giggles at their excitement then swims to where a hatch to the outside is. “Here! We can be super quick-” “HEY! STOP RIGHT THERE!” A shrill female voice suddenly rings from the hall. And before the kids can blink they’re being scooped up and/or dragged away from the door by a panting frazzled looking blonde woman. The black haired boy from earlier is hiding behind the doorway, watching with worried eyes. “W-what the hell were you two thinking?!” The lady screeches, adjusting her hold on them and looking at them sternly. “You cannot go out into the ocean alone!” “But Mama! We weren’t going alone! Mr. Chase was gonna take us!” Conner whined as he pointed outside towards the merman. The mother turned to the window and glared burning hot daggers at Chase. There’s a moment of confusion lingering in her gaze, like she might be trying to place him… like she’s seen him before. But, the anger comes back tenfold soon enough. “You-!” She spat, charging towards the window and pointing at the merman threateningly, “Just what were you trying to do?! Were you trying to drown my children?!”

“What? N-No I would never-!” Chase tried to argue. “Well then are you stupid? Are you blind?! My son has a metal leg! He can’t swim! And my daughter is only six! They were just in a ship crash!” The mother seethes, holding Skye’s head against her neck. The girl is shaking slightly and cupping her hands over her ears. “I- I…!” The rabbit ray mer tries to explain himself but the mother hears nothing of it. “You- you hybrids need to stay away from us! If i see you talking to my children again, I’ll be forced to do something drastic! Understood?” Chase backs away from the glass and shrinks in on himself. He nods timidly. The mother glares at him one last time before snorting and starting to walk away, one hand stroking and trying to comfort Skye, the other dragging a distressed Conner behind her. The boy turns to look at Chase with tearful eyes. It breaks Chase’s heart. He presses back up against the window and tries to smile at him, waving goodbye. Conner chokes on a sob but tries to smile and wave back. Skye peeks her head up and waves tiny little fingers at Chase. Then, the hall falls silent again. Chase sighs and lets himself sink into the sand below. Grayson and Bunny come up and nuzzle up against him, breathing bubbles into his hair and singing soft sad melodies. Chase looks up towards the base and tries not to cry. He has a good feeling though… those humans were nothing like the white suits he’s known before. And he has the feeling they’ll definitely meet again.

[familyagrestefanblog]

Miraculous Shanghai theories and analysis

All those leaks and informations we got for the Shanghai special caught my interest BIG TIME and I wanted to post my theories and thoughts before it airs.

Just as a warning, I wrote all of this yesterday before the new promo poster got released this morning but fortunately it's doesn't disprove anything I'm about to say.

So let's go!

Let's start with my tamest theory of this post to clear the track for the batshit craziness that gonna follow: The Peacock miraculous will be involved in the Shanghai special as well.

This doesn't necessarily mean that we will see Mayura but at the very least the Peacock miraculous will be brought up.

I'm certain of this because of two things:

1. The specials logo

It's nothing wild. The yin-yang is obviously Ladybug and Chat Noir and when we cross out the other rainbow colors of the Renling promo pic we are left with two colors: Hawkmoths purple and Mayuras blue.

And 2. In a trailer we saw Gabriel in an old ruin which definitely could be the Guardian temple before Ladybug restores it in "Feast" (the special takes place somewhere in between s2 and s3 so that checks out).

Maybe he goes back to where they found their two miraculous and the Grimoire and then checks out the ruins (cuz honestly why not?) or maybe he is on his way to the creepy underground place. We will see.

Okay but now, let's start with the good stuff! :D

I'm putting it under "continue reading" because it's quite alot and it gets... specific lol

Let's continue with the Renlings and the fact that this time around we are not going to get a new Miracle Box but they are all combined into ONE Miraculous.

That may sounds incredibly overpowered and out of nowhere without context but I think I might now what we are looking at.

The Renlings were called the Kwamis "cousins" so we have to go back to the Chinese Zodiac our Miracle box is based on, because it isn't only made of 12 animals. Cause our 12 animals are also segmented under 8 guardians of the zodiac. And how many Renlings to we get? 8.

Four of these Zodiac guardians are assigned to 2 animals and the other four guard one.

They are segmented as the following:

Thousand Hands Guan Yin - Rat

Akasagarbha Bodhisattva - Ox & Tiger

Manjusri Bodhisattva- Rabbit

Samantabhadra Bodhisattva- Dragon & Snake

Mahasthamaprapta Bodhisattva- Horse

Vairochana Buddha - Goat & Monkey

Acalanatha - Rooster

Amitabha Buddha - Dog & pig

But let me get back to this later.

Unfortunately I legitimately can not explain why these particular animals were chosen to represent the guardians. All I can say is that my initial thought still holds up and the monkey, bear, tiger, dragon, mantis, snake, horse and hawk (look im calling it a hawk in this post idk) are all martial art styles. But they neither belong to one group nor is one of the groups complete.

Maybe I just missed something here (which is definitely possible) but I just can't find the reason for these animals for the guardians. Beside the Dragon as most important one of course, but that's a given.

Anyway, let's continue. A detail that can support my zodiac guardian theory is that while we can only see two animal circles in the promo pic entirely, one of the two has ONE DOT in its picture and the other one has TWO.

Signifying for how many Kwamis the one guardian is assigned to? Possibly.

The dragon in the middle is shown with 8 dots all together, that means is it fair to say that the dragon functions as the main guardian that combines them all. That explains why our new girl for the special has a 8-in-1 Miraculous, why her eyes change for each Renling and why she is trained so professionally.

We don't know yet why the Renlings are all put into one Miraculous, since they work differently from the Kwamis, but I have this thought that the Renlings (in their ONE necklace) were created because of what happened to the guardian temple almost 200 years ago.

Countless Miracle Boxes were lost that day and Fu's Box with the Ladybug and Cat were thought so as well. Possibly the Renlings were an attempt to recreate the powers of at the very least the lost zodiac Kwamis. The Dragon was made into the main guardian and is supposed to step in place for the LB and Cat as we can see on its different color coding echoing the yin-yang, but It obviously didn't work and the Renlings neither possess the same powers or can they be put in separate Miraculous nor is the Dragon a healthy replacement for the yin-yang.

But is was a desperate attempt in a situation that was believed to be lost and I find that thought exciting!

(Btw i have a similar theory for the Superheros from the New York special but that's a theory for another day)

Where to continue, where to continue?

Alright let's stay with the 8 Dragon dots because THOSE caught my interest in more than one way.

As I already said, I think the 4 white dots and 4 block ones stand for the 2 types of zodiac guardians, but now let's take a look at the animal circles surrounding the dragon.

We can see the Bear, the Hawk and a bit of another one between the Bear and Chat Noir in addition to the Dragon. These four circles have animal pictures that are completely colored in (just like the dragon brighter dots)

And now look closely at the animal circles around Chats head. Those are not colored in! Just like the other four Dragon dots. So isn't in interesting that they had our two leads basically hide those four particular animal circles? Almost as if there is a reason for this, huh?

And you know, I looked further and maybe I found something here. And for this let's take another look at the Renlings, shall we?

Four of these Renlings have something in common with our two main characters, can you guess what?

I'll give a hint: The eyes.

I compared all the promo picks we got from the Renlings and noticed that:

1. The snake and the horse have blue eyes like Marinette

2. The monkey has green eyes like Adrien

And 3. The Mantis is the only Renling with special eyes like Chat

The other 4 Renlings have brown eyes in different shades.

But this on it own isn't too exciting. So what if some Renlings share the same eyes as our leads? Well, would you believe it? When I filled in the placements of the other animals circles, through a shot we got in the leaks, I noticed that those 4 Renlings that shear their eyes with Marinette and Adrien are ALSO the 4 animal circles our leads just so happen to hide from us.

How interesting

But that not all I got. Not even CLOSE, I'm just getting started here!

Because not only do Marinettes Snake & Horse and Adriens Monkey & Mantis stand out here, oh no, it gets BETTER!

Now let's take the two promo pics from the Renlings we got where they are finished and colorized.

Did you know that both times they are put in the same formation, just with slightly swapped placement among the Renlings?

And once again here one could say "So what? They were lazy while designing the pics, that's it" but NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH hear me out!

Not only are the Renlings put both times into the same formation, the way they switched their placements isn't random at all:

1. Marinettes Snake and Horse stay both times on exactly the same spot.

2. The tiger and the bear switch places

3. So do the dragon and monkey

4. And the mantis and hawk.

The way the Renlings are shown to us on the promo pics is anything BUT random and that is something that will always get me interested! :D

But you know what? I'm still not done yet. Let's continue with this creepy ass stone door we see Gabriel at

Because as I mentioned, while Marinettes Snake and Horse stay unchanged in their formations, Adriens Monkey and Mantis not only do change places but they aren't paired with another either. So does that mean that Adriens guardian Renlings are just inconsistent? No, not at all. They just have a different meaning and place then Marinettes.

First of all: the Renlings special hair is bright green, just like the color of the tiger (a CAT) on the rainbow scale we got and Adriens/Chats + Monkey & Mantis eyes. And second: in the other promo pic the Renlings have a pink background, just like the rainbow scale color or the Mantis!

Coincidence? I don't care anymore, next point! :D

Because not only THAT but when we take a closer look at the creepy stone door we can make out the placement of every guardian animal as well. And MY, is this fascinating:

As the colors make it clear when you compare these guardian animal door placements to the rainbow scale from the promo pic, here Adriens Monkey & Mantis are in the right places but Marinettes animals are a bit off.

In fact. Everything about the placements of the animals (besides Adriens) are just a bit off.

- Marinettes animals and the bear are almost in the right place just mirror-reversed.

- The Tiger and the Hawk are one place too left.

- And the Dragon shouldn't be in the middle, it should take the place between Adriens animals but it was forced out of position to replace the yin-yang.

But taking the dragon out broke the balance of the animal circle. Everything here is slightly off by one point and that is much more significant than you would initially think. Because when you now turn the whole circle one quarter to the left (there is a reason for it, trust me) and put the dragon back in place then you will get a good part of the picture I've been looking for a long while.

What I'm showing you here are the 4 Chinese creatures of the cardinal directions and they are basically what I would expect to be on the upper layer of a Chinese Miracle box (I'll get to this on another day). And as you can see here, we are basically almost there aren't we?

The tiger of the West and Dragon of the east are in place and while the creature of the North is normally the turtle it is always accompanied by a snake, which is now on the upper place.

"but what about the bear? And a snake is NOT a turtle!" I'm getting to it, my goodness :/

Regarding the bear one thing needs to be said: it is definitely true, the bear is in the wrong place. I don't even know why there is a bear in this formation in the first place and it stuck out to me since day one. The creature of the south is a bird, the HAWK should be here.

But there is a difference between "this thing is in the wrong place and completely random wtf??" and "This thing is in the wrong place but I can see a pattern continuing from other formations that are off as well".

The bear is not only here, it's also:

- alongside the tiger (who is btw suspicious af as well) covering the center points from the Renlings formation that should belong to Adriens animals.

- is with Marinettes animals the only other one that is basically on it right place on the creepy stone door, just mirror-reversed.

-is the new "peak" of the zodiac guardian animal circles because moving the dragon out to the middle left the other ones off-balance and now its kinda tilted to the left. But when we look at the creepy door with not corrected animal placements we see that this was indeed the hawks place. And remember as well, the bear and the hawk are the only two animal circles we see in the promo pic besides the dragon

Meaning in short: That damn bear stole the hawks place and I need it to stop.

Which brings me to the turtle and a whole new can of worms (miraculous should pay me for this omfg...).

Because what if I tell you that the snake, who is normally just accompanying the turtle, being the creature of the north here instead of the turtle is not only "okay enough" it is actually the needed puzzle piece to connect this zodiac Renlings circle with the Chinese Miracle box in the design master Fu had it?

Let me explain

Do you remember when I started talking about the Renlings I said I would come back to the way the rl zodiac guardians are paired with the zodiac animals "later"? Well, later is NOW, because there is one more way those 8 dots from that damn dragon caught my interest and it also explains why I just turned the guardian stone circle one quarter to the left.

Because believe and behold, this is not the only place where things are "slightly off".

A while I started taking closer looks and research on the original miracle box design and the Kwami spirit circle we saw in "Sandboy".

I will try to not go into unnecessary details with this now because all of that needs its own post. I'm already going off the hooks with this one. But just like here I noticed with these two things rather quickly that "things are slightly off, but in a suspiciously systematic way".

Going straight ahead to the example I'm talking about, the order the 12 zodiac animals follow on the side of the box is straight up upside-down. The first zodiac animal is the rat (or mouse) and the last one the pig and YET in the box the rat is right at the bottom and the pig on the top.

This upside down arrangement of the animals results in the wrong animals being the 4 who have a guardian assigned for themselves

The four single miraculous in between the 4 directions are obviously the ones I'm talking about. Here they are Tiger, Snake, Pig, Monkey (I hope you are making a connection here) but that's wrong, as are the other 4x2 ones.

BUT

When we now flip it upside down again, having the rat start on the pigs place and the pig end on the rats, then things suddenly are correct.

Here the rl guardian pairings again:

Thousand Hands Guan Yin - Rat

Akasagarbha Bodhisattva - Ox & Tiger

Manjusri Bodhisattva- Rabbit

Samantabhadra Bodhisattva- Dragon & Snake

Mahasthamaprapta Bodhisattva- Horse

Vairochana Buddha - Goat & Monkey

Acalanatha - Rooster

Amitabha Buddha - Dog & pig

As you can see, now it's correct.

You may wonder what this has to do with the Dragon dots, so lets look at the Kwami spirit circle next.

I've been analyzing and taking this thing apart now for MONTHS now. And while I'm certainly having a blast, the fact that I now officially have an entire FOLDER at home dedicated to this thing alone is quite...

Bruh...

But thankfully we will really only need the basics for this theory here.

Through zooming in and watching the "Sandboy" Kwami spirit World scenes over and over again I was able to figure out the placement of each Kwami.

When you now follow the moons in the middle towards the Kwamis you will notice that only the moon at the top alignes with one and that's DUUSU. The other 4 miss the Kwamis just by a bit.

But remember what I said the entire time. Everything is just slightly off by ONE little factor but when we "fixed" that factor for the stone wall there was still something left that didn't fit. That's because not only are the Shanghai zodiac guardians structures off, it was built on top of a structure that is ALREADY slightly off by another factor!

Something is fundamentally WRONG with Kwami balance in the current ml universe and what I think happened to throw everything off is NOOROO.

Keeping this point short for everybodys sanity, in the french version of "Sandboy" we find out that Nooroo is having his 3500 cycle birthday and him being the Kwami which gets its birthday pointed out is no coincidence. (Guys please just go with me here, I really dont have the strenght to elaborate on this now as well)

So when Nooroo is the factor that brought imbalance to the Kwami system then how does the spirit circle look like WITHOUT Nooroo?

Now THIS is more like it!

Without Nooroo the size of the circle changes slightly all around and now the other 4 moons align with the Dragon, rat, chicken and horse.

And believe it or not, but take a guess what it looks like when we now highlight these 4 Kwamis in the arrangement of the 12 zodiac Kwamis both upside down and correct?

It's the 2 types of Dragon dots.

And let's take this further. When the 12 Zodiac Kwamis are upside down then so is obviously the entire upper layer of the Miracle box as well, which explains why, although the 5 Miraculous places around the yin-yang are based on the 5 chinese elements, the way they are arranged here is once again upside down.

Meaning the yin-yang is upside down as well, but not only that. I always found it weird that the yin-yang here is placed SIDEWAYS when this is not exactly the normal way of showing it.

So when we now turn the yin-yang a quarter to the left and take the 5 Miraculous surrounding it along, we might be closer to the puzzles solution. Because when we now take Nooroo out (as he wouldn't be there when things had gone right) then Fu's miracle box should have looked like this:

Notice 2 things here in particular:

1. Now the Turtle is at the top, which completes the connection between the Renlings Snake and the Kwamis Turtle to create the only creature of the 4 directions that is portrayed with one accompanied: the Turtle of the North.

And while I'm already at it, this is also the reason why Fu's/Ninos Miraculous is the only one that doesn't fit the hero color scheme when activated.

The Turtle of the North is colored BLACK and sometimes with additional white, just like the activated Miraculous.

And 2. Now after being mirror reversed and turned one quarter to the left the Ladybugs and Cats yin-yang isn't sideways anymore and looks EXACTLY like the yin-yang used in the Shanghai promo pictures. Almost like this is the way it is supposed to be or something.

Alright. Ive told you ALOT now but this is precisely the reason why I wanted to post this before the special airs. I'm definitely not entirely right with all of this, there is alot I haven't figured out about these things yet or simply haven't seen yet. What I just showed to you is not anywhere close to done so some questions are still left open.

I wanted to make another point about how the zodiac monkey, mantis and horse are the only 3 Renlings that do not have any symbol on their bodies and how this could connect to the object Hawkmoth has in that one leak

But even i think this is going to far now and I should wait until I watched the special xD

But my point in all of this (and everything I haven't even touched upon here but will in the future) is that everything in s1-s3 was influenced by this fundamental off-balance of the Kwami system that I think was caused with Nooroos creation. Which is very fitting for the Kwami of our main villain I may say. And the fact that these 4 miraculous are also somehow linked to the peacock out of all miraculous gives us an explanation for its villainous usage as well.

I think the Shanghai special will start the exploration of what happened by at least laying down and introducing the most important aspects of this particular topic.

To say that I am TRILLED for this special is quite the understatement and I'm gonna have a BLAST analysing the hell out of its lore!

So I guess there is only one thing left for me to say:

Yo

Miraculous crew

[ambivalent-anarchy]

Body |Peter's Turn

Part 2 of 2 (Part 1 -> here)

Masterlist

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warning: none (suspicions of cheating but no actual cheating lol just a lotta funny miscommunication)

Anon requested- can I get a one shot where the reader does the body positivity trend with the new megan thee stallion song and the reader is insecure about how ppl will react to it?? Most importantly how peter will react to it?? K thanks

A/N- Part 2 cuz I immediately knew what I wanted to do with this the second I got the ask. (Peter's turn)

---------------------------------------

When Peter heard that you'd been nervous about showing him your video, he freaked.

He thought he'd done something wrong. That maybe he gave off weird vibes or that he'd said something before that made you think he wouldn't have liked it. Which definitely wasn't true. He liked everything you did.

Well, except that one time you got bangs. He didn't really like the bangs.

Anyway, Peter felt like he needed to show you that he was okay with it all. That he was down with anything you wanted to do or show him.

He looked in the mirror early that morning and decided.

Peter wanted to show what he had to offer.

He looked down at your TikTok "body" video on his phone. He could do something like that, right? He was completely clueless, but he could at least try his best.

He pulled out his phone and texted the one guy he knew could help him out.

~~

PeterParkour🤟: i need u to teach me the lip bitey thingy

PrinceHarry👑: bro what

PrinceHarry👑: ???

PrinceHarry👑: what is that

PeterParkour🤟: like when u make yourself look all cool when u bite your lip

PrinceHarry👑: ...

PrinceHarry👑: oh

PrinceHarry👑: OH

PrinceHarry👑: 😂

PrinceHarry👑: lmao why do u wanna do that???

PeterParkour🤟: im trying to make a video for y/n

PrinceHarry👑: what kind of video 👀

PeterParkour🤟: NOT LIKE THAT

PeterParkour🤟: well actually

PeterParkour🤟: kinda like that

PrinceHarry👑: PETER WHATTTTT

PeterParkour🤟: ill explain later which penthouse are u at tonight?

PrinceHarry👑: the one closest to ur apartment

PeterParkour🤟: ok ill come over

~~

Now, on your end, school was kicking your ass.

You weren't failing, but the amount of make-up work you had was so far through the roof that you might as well be. And the teachers were hellbent on making it the hardest they could.

To put it short, you needed a break.

And the second MJ heard your tired, irritated voice over the phone, she was on her way over with chips, dip, popcorn, and movies. If there was anything to calm you down, it'd be a nice movie.

MJ had gone to your kitchen to make the popcorn and you were laying on your bed finishing up some homework, when you got a phone call from Harry. "Hello?"

"I didn't know you and Pete were sending nudes."

You paused. "What?"

He carried on in a nonchalant tone. "I mean, I never took you guys as the types to do that, but damn, you two really surprised me. Dude's really over here asking for tips and everything-"

You sat up in your bed, alert and highly confused. "Okay," you said, taking a deep breath" ....what, again, the fuck?" Harry continued to ramble but one sharp scolding tone stopped him. "Harry, shut up."

He paused on the other side of the phone and then suddenly his voice came back, extremely hesitant. "...wait, was I not supposed to say anything? Did I just fuck up?" He sighed. "Oops.."

"No, Harry tell me what the hell you're-" BEEP. You looked down and saw that he hung up.

Just then, MJ opened the door, hands full with freshly popped popcorn. "Okay, ready to get the movie started?" She walked to the bed when she noticed that you were practically frozen in your spot. "Um, [Y/N]?"

You looked up with glossy eyes and she immediately knew that something was wrong. "Dude, what happened?"

You frantically shrugged a bit, and then let out a shrill laugh, half confused and half preparing for the worst. "Peter's- um... apparently... sending nudes to...me....Harry... someone?"

"What?"

-

Peter had finally made it to Harry's penthouse.

"So, nudes?," Harry chirped, very amused as he opened his door.

"What nudes?," Peter asked as he stepped into the living room. "What are you talking about?"

Harry paused. "Wait, what were you talking about?"

Peter only stared back in confusion, leaving Harry to pick through his own confusion fragments of information. He quizzically looked at him. "But-..the texts?"

"Oh!," Peter laughed, moving to sit on the couch. "No, I wanna make one of those thirst trap TikToks for [Y/N], that's all," he explained with a shrug and a bashful smile. "She made one for me, now I wanna repay the favor."

"Dude!," Harry hissed out. "You should've just said that!"

"Well, how about you just need to stop making assumptions," Peter said with a slight frown, not understanding why his friend was so wound up.

"Well, I had to since you kept being so vague!"

Peter rolled his eyes and started towards the refrigerator, if not to actually get something to drink, getting away from a crazed Harry for two seconds would be enough.

When he sat back down, Harry started to speak again. "So, what did you need me for?"

"Oh," Peter mumbled, shifting in his seat. "Well, you know how to do that sort of... stuff, right?"

"You mean looking like a fuckboy?," Harry snickered. "Yeah I'd say that's well within my reservoir."

Peter gave his typical bashful look. "So... teach me your fuckboy ways?"

Harry grinned. "Peter. You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear you say that."

-

You held your phone in your handle, looking at Peter's contact number hesitantly.

"Just text him," MJ said with an eyeroll.

"But what if it's nothing?! I don't wanna be the crazy girlfriend!"

"But what if it's something?," MJ added. "Cuz if you put it off now, and it actually ends up being something, you'll be even more miserable than you would be if you just found out now."

You took a long breath and nodded. "Okay then I'll text him."

"But if it is nothing, you'll look pretty stupid jumping to conclusions like that."

You sighed. "So, no?"

"But then if it's something-" she continued, getting deeper underneath your skin with each word. "-you'll look even more stupid because you could've found out sooner and you didn't."

Finally quieting down from her rambling, MJ noticed you glaring at her. You sighed.

"So...do I or do I not text him?"

"Oh nah, dude. I mean, I wouldn't. After all, I'm not saying that I think it's something," she said with a shrug. "I'm just saying on the off-chance that it is, you'd be in bad shape."

"Okay can we please stop playing devil's advocate with my life?!"

"You know I love watching you squirm [Y/N]." "Anyway, I'm sure Peter's not cheating. The boys were probably just doing something dumb and Harry just explained horribly."

You bit your lip. "You sure?"

She shrugged. "Pretty sure."

-

"Okay, now lower the camera just a little," Harry instructed. "You gotta show the v-line, but still leave enough for imagination."

Peter dropped his arm and his posture and shot Harry an incredulous glare. "Harry, if you focused this much in school I wouldn't have to tutor you."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just keep going."

This was the third picture taken and though it was out of his element, Peter strangely felt very confident with what he was doing. He never saw himself as ugly, but he certainly never saw himself as hot either. Not like Harry. But looking at himself now, with Harry's corny chain necklaces on and his hair scruffed up in a way he's not used to, he knew one thing for certain.

He looked good.

"Okay," Harry said. "Now the last one, actually needs to be some dumb picture someone took of you in your gallery."

Peter frowned. "Huh? But I'm on a roll here."

"Yeah but the whole point is that all of these pictures weren't supposed to be taken directly beforehand," he pointed out. "Since you're breaking that rule, you gotta throw in a cute dumb one to throw off your scent." He smirked. "Also, you gotta show the ladies and gents that you have a softer, funnier side."

Peter stared for a moment. "..why do you have this down to a science?"

"Says the science geek?," Harry retorted.

-

Peter spent the night at Harry's and they drove to school early in the morning. He was glad that it was Tuesday because your schedules made it so that you'd both have lunch together every other day.

"You sure she'll like it?," he asked Harry as they walked down the halls before lunch.

Harry rolled his eyes with a laugh. "You know, she asked me the exact same thing for you when she made her video?"

Peter nodded quietly, still feeling a bit down about you feeling bad about showing him that video. "Yeah, I know."

"Jesus," Harry laughed. "You insecure little dweebs are made for each other!"

"I'm gonna take that as a compliment..."

"As you should," Harry said with a shrug, as nonchalant as ever.

The two boys walked into the lunchroom and to the table they knew best. You and MJ were already there.

Peter could tell just by the look on your face that something was wrong. "Hey," he greeted cautiously. "Is everything okay?"

MJ glared at him and he looked to Harry, whose clueless face was not helping.

Finally, you looked up and sighed. "Pete, be honest. Are you cheating on me?"

What.

"What?!"

You examined the utter shock and terror in his face. It didn't look fake. He looked saddened and scared as he began to ramble. "No no! I would never! What even made you think-!"

His eyes caught yours as you looked over towards Harry sittting next to him. Peter turned toward Harry and then looked back to you in confusion. "Wait, you think I cheated on you with HARRY?"

MJ bursts out laughing next you. "Jesus..."

Harry scoffed. "Well don't sound so excited Peter, jeez."

You let out a small chuckle but kept your eyes on Peter. "It's just... Harry called me and...said something about nudes and-"

Peter's face grew even more contorted with bafflement. "Nudes?!"

Harry hit his forehead, finally understanding what was happening. "Ooooooooh, me and my big mouth..."

All eyes turned towards him. "What, Harry?"

He sighed. "This is all just a big mix-up." Harry nudged Peter. "Just show her the thing dude."

"What thing?," MJ asked.

Peter fished through his pockets. "Okay," he mumbled, a bit shaken up by what happened. He took his phone out and handed it to you. "Here."

You looked up and saw Peter looking down at you, waiting for your reaction.

"So, this is what you were doing yesterday?"

He nodded.

You blew out a long breath of relief. "You're not cheating."

"God no, babe, I'd never cheat on you," he cooed, stepping over towards your seat. "I know you were really nervous when you showed me yours, and so... I thought I should repay the favor."

He didn't even have time to breathe before you were on him, wasting no time in bringing your lips to his. He kissed you back, mildly aware of the people in the lunchroom around the two of you, but he still didn't care.

Peter pulled away with a smitten smile until he noticed blood on his lip. He wiped it away with his hand and frowned when he realized it was not his own.

You almost asked what was wrong when you noticed him looking at you strangely, but MJ beat you to the punch.

"Dude, you have a bloody nose!"

You gasped, picking up a napkin from the table.

Harry laughed. "Did you really just get a horny nosebleed?"

"Horny nosebleed?," MJ snickered.

"That's not a thing," you scoffed. "...is it?"

"It actually is," Peter corrected, blushing profusely and rubbing his neck. "Just glad to know you thought the video was hot."

"It was really hot," you gushed.

Peter grinned and pulled you close. "Aww babe."

MJ rolled her eyes. "Okay lovebirds, get a room."

-------------------------------------------------------

Lol I know this was pretty trash but I was just trying to get to sleep while I was finishing this

Tagging: @allegra-writes, @allegra-soleil, @yumings , @hey-its-grey , @spideyyeet , @sunkissedspidey , @tommyunderoos , @chaoticpete , @sovereignparker , @thesherlockianavenger , @bubblebucky , @eridanuswave , @ithoughtthiswastwitterbutfr , @kidney9-9 , @gwenvrse, @the-weird-bisexual, @kelieah

[astroninaaa]

Hot take a talk about technoblade:

Okay look I've been part of this fandom since August(thank god cuz i watched it all live and it woukd be a nightmare to caatch up) I bring this up cuz i want to discuss my problem with technos character. I have watched every single techno livestream that he made on dream smp and believe it or not i used to be a techno sympathiser that is until doomsday. (By techno apologist standards i am qualified to talk about his character hooray..)

Now techno like every character is flawed if he wasn't he would be boring fandom. One of his biggest flaws is being a hypocrite. That is not something you realise until you compare what he says all the time so you need to look a little deeper to realise it and i don't blame people for not seeing it.

This wouldn't be that much of a problem because that is a character flaw among with many others but the problem that his character has faced is that he doesn't develop much.

Now i hear techno apologist jump at me every single time noooo he isn't a stagnant character he has developed a lot. I am not saying that he hasn't developed at all the problem is that he has developed very little especially when you consider everything.

His goals his ideas his perception of the world what he believes him everything that makes his character him hasn't changed much and that is not a good thing from a writing perspective. Now why do i bring this up. Firstly I'm not saying this to say techno is a bad writer far from it he can be very good when he puts his mind to it. The problem with keeping a character in this state is that it's very harmful for said character first and to the story and other characters second. Look even at yourselves i can guarantee that you aren't the exact same person you were like five years ago for example because during that time you made mistakes learned from them and you grew. Just like in real life you also can't stay stagnant in fiction.

Okay so that's the main problem with technos character that he is stagnant as a character. Now this wouldn't be as big of a problem if he didn't have the role that he has.

You see techno both c! and cc! are very good at the game basically. Now why do i bring this up. The reason why i bring this up is bc of where this places techno whuch is at the very top of the chain don't try and seny it. This means that he is one of the most powerful people on the server if you are going to try and go against this point just look at lmanberg guys that's living proof of how powerful and how terrifying he actually is. I know a lot of you are gonna say but every can get stacked or play the game but you guys forget that even if you are stacked you just don't have the skill and cc! Techno of the best people when it comes to that which bleeds into his character. Saying that is like looking at the upper class than looking at the lower class saying just get rich like it doesn't work like that.

Because of his role techno is literally the 1% by rl standards which means he can a lit of things free of consequences bc no one can give him said consequences. The butcher army was ig an attempt at that but they failed miserably let's be real here.

Because he is in the 1% is incredibly skilled at pvp and can do anything bc no one can challenge him this places him on a pedestal and creates a power imbalance a very big one at that.

And that leads to his biggest problem he has practically everything as said by Techno himself and is never challenged, but that's not an interesting character. An audience gets tired for a character that always wins or loses. Because if it happens repeatedly it just takes all the suspense oh he will win immediately. He will go and slaughter them problem solved. That's it every time. Something that techno himself confirmed is then when he has a problem he just stabs it (both of these were said during the egg stream).

And if you are going to bring the things he went through to say he's changed don't cuz as long as he doesn't act on it it means nothing. Like examples Red festival killed tubbo an ally. Traumatic experience right? This is a good moment to develop his character and give us more insight. What happens? Techno tries to dismiss it and shows us his anxiety and gives us insight on his character Great! Character development? Starting to question himself just a bit or any sign of that event having an effect on him? Nope! Why? Cuz he doesn't act on it instead he tries to hide the fact that ever happened and changes to a different topic bc there is no justification there and he knows it. Nov 16th c!technos pov he just got betrayed caused some damage wished death upon his former allies and left. Quite a dramatic scene. He feels betrayed time for some good old character development. Him thinking about himself and his actions. Reflecting on them. Great moment! Problem: literally everything that shows this is done off camera and now suddenly he's retired... Okay you know what fine it's alright he would probably expand upon and did a timeskip to explain the ling time he didn't stream. I see where it's comming from. The butcher army ge gets hunted down bc actions have consequences techno and you can't just run away like that not after doing that. Great point from the butcher army. Go give him some consequences his character needs it. And then he gets executed alright a bit too far but i guess that's how it goes in this server. Techno gets his life back immediately.. well that was a bit pointless but alright a cool scene for the animatic fair. Then he kills quackity.. the butcher army lost.. this.. what? But this was the moment of consequences... and quackity didn't get it back like techno the butcer aemy lost more than techno what? Moving along he teams up with tommy aannnd the 50 withers are up and ready of course you didn't fully retire what was i expecting. And now team up with tommy perfect way to learn about dream and give more insight on lmanberg and how dream is a tyrant and everything techno is supposed to stand against. The green festival tommy chooses tubbo over techno techno feels betrayed understandable.... and then he teams up with dream lmanberg is destroyed and the underdogs are beaten to the ground loose everything they ever worked for and are taught to be scared of the anarchists?!?!?!?!

Okay now hold up a sec I'll have to stop you right there. What. did. you. just. do. Cuz there is a limit to the amount of stuff you can let a character get away with. The line was crossed months ago this is not good at all.

Also what are yoi guys talking about consequences. Lives? All 3 home? Right there pets? The ones that died were the ones he brought expecting to not live he brought them there on purpose so they don't count. He is one of the most wealthy peoole on the server (no one beats ranboo lol) what did he exactly loose? Friendships? Was that all the hardships you guys have?

Lmanberg lost their home their lives their wealth their pets their friend everything they loved and lived for everything they stood for they lost a part of themselves in the end.

Look at the last 2 paragraphs and how imbalanced that is. How are you guys blind to this How?! And why did doomsday happen? Because the butcher army failed. And if anything techno proved them that they should have punished him harder with this.

So what was the lesson of doomsday?

That you shoukd obey the people on top and never go against them or you will loose everything you love.

Great lesson guys this is exactly the lesson the rich class and every single tyrant tried to teach society and this lesson is being told by the anarchist great job....

Do you see the problem now. This is the reason techno needs a consequence bc if he keeps going like this he will become a Mary Sue. And that is a horrible direction for a character that has a lot of potential. That potential is why i liked his character that much in the beginning but now it's almost non existent. Anyway I'll end this now cuz this went on for too long. That's basically my opinion on it feel free to share your thoughts.

okay. okay. i read this like three times bc. because look

i agree in some very specific points, but i disagree in very broad manners.

(this entire......... essay is all /rp and /nm!!!!)

anyways. send me hot takes!!!

i like c!techno. i personally think he's one of the most fun characters to watch because i enjoy the mess, the crazyness, the chaos of it all. watching doomsday through c!tommy's eyes was painful. watching doomsday through c!techno's eyes was just so fucking hilarious and exciting and fun. he's just a fun character to watch. he's just Funny. i am a fan. however

for starters: ctechno is, 100%, out of the park, an stagnant character. he has little to no development throughout the story. we see no changes in how he acts. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but considering the type of character he is, watching him develop (be it to an actually full-fledged villain or towards a redemption arc) would be ideal to keep him a character people can actually support.

i wouldn't say he's a hypocrite. c!techno has a very strict moral code and he follows it with no hesitation, with no doubts. the point is that his moral code is flawed and skewed. that doesn't make him a hypocrite, that makes him someone with bad morals.

calling c!techno "the 1%" is a stretch. for one- c!ranboo has as much resources, if not more, as c!techno does. he has dozens of totems, thousands of emeralds, and probably has one of the higher counts of diamond and netherite on the server. why is that never brought up? because it doesnt matter. c!foolish has so much gold and diamonds and netherite and just everything, really, and it's also never brought up/a reason for people to be afraid of him. the dream smp isn't a capitalist universe, there's no "1%". specially bc there's, like, i don't know, 20 players? that makes c!techno 1/20 OR 3/20 if we count c!ranboo and c!foolish. but that's not the point at all: the point is that ctechno is feared bc he's skilled and has a relevant personality, not bc he has resources. c!wilbur has no shit and he's still terrifying, there's no character willing to oppose him. not because of resources, but because of who he is. when c!techno first fled from l'manburg into "retirement" he had no shit either, it took him a while to be rich again. no one attacked him either way.

why, you ask? bc he fought against c!quackity with a fucking pickaxe and won. that's why. c!techno doesn't need resources to be feared. the power imbalance doesn't come from his resources, it comes from others’s fear. and they have a reason for that fear, bc c!techno hasn't been defeated yet. that has nothing to do with "upper class" and "lower class". because, one, not a capitalist system and class disparity isn't as simple as that, and two, even without his "riches" he still wins, bc he's got the skill. if you take out the skill, him being rich means nothing and he wouldve been easily killed by the butcher army or c!tommy or whoever decided to kill him. a good example is, once again, c!ranboo: if he wasn't friends with everyone and someone decided to actually fight him like was done with c!techno, he would've died. easily. being rich in the smp is relative.

c!techno will be challenged when we have a character strong enough to challenge him in a way that matters. it's important to be smart about it. that's why i'd love to see, out of everyone, c!philza turn against him, but that's a how other discussion (WHICH I'M WILLING TO TALK ABOUT.......... everytime i make these and i add little point i dont elaborate on and then say i'm willing to talk about them and no one ever asks me to <//3 PAIN /nm /lh).

i do think he's a character that just Always Win in narrative ways and that's very frustrating. he does need to get pulled a few notches down. again, that will only happen when we have a character that can step up to him and challenge him in a way that matters (woooo c!philza you want to hold c!techno accountable for his bullshit so bad woooo........)

now, onto c!techno's trauma. he doesn't need to show it. he- he doesn't. that's........ not how trauma works, and that's one of the points that make his trauma so forgettable for the viewers. c!techno is, from inside out, a character that hardly shows his emotions, but that doesn't mean he doesn't display symptons of trauma. he does, they're just a lot more subtle than other characters's. that doesn't mean he doesn't have any or that he isn't affect by it. c!techno is, in a lot of ways, a lot like c!tubbo: both of them don't mention the shit they've gone through and don't react to it and bc of that some of the viewers don't see how important some traumatic events were in their characterisation. that's why you analyse those characters's trauma through behavior, not through easily seen displays of trauma.

i do think it's taken a little too far with c!techno. the way he reacted to c!tommy's death was...... disappointing, to say the least. c!techno is an underwhelming character in many ways. as said before, it's because he's stagnant. that definitely needs to be worked on.

about the syndicate? yeah, no. theyre not teaching others to fear them. others just Do That bc of their history on the server, but they have literally talked about how they want to better their reputation, bc they don't want to be seen as murderers or oppressors in any way. are they flawed? yes, very much. they have no indicators of what is or isn't a government and they show no regard around the importance of a difference between an oppressive and a democratic government.

they had no right to show up at c!tubbo's door and interrogate him, because they can't appoint themselves as government police. for starters, that's not how anarchy works (they should've had everyone's permission for that. they obviously don't), but also it's just... stupid. it makes it seem that they're trying to boss everyone around so that they live like the syndicate wants them to, which goes directly against the syndicate's own ideals. however, c!techno thinks he has that right. he thinks this is what he's supposed to do. he's just following his moral code - his moral code is just deeply, deeply flawed. what he says and what he does contradict each other but not for him, not to his interpretation. to his interpretation, he's following his strict moral code.

what happened at doomsday was horrible and c!techno has to be held accountable for it, yes, but, again, no character knows how to work around c!techno enough to hold him accountable for it. that's not c!techno's fault.

l'manburg just deserved better, honestly, but to be fair c!techno has been taken advantage of time and time again (sometimes purposefully, sometimes not) and he's fucked up in the head, god bless LMAOOOOOOO

i agree that things need to change otherwise he's just gonna keep being a stagnant character who can get away with everything. i do think he has more to him than meets the eye, tho. meh idk that's still just analysis!!! we have no way of knowing the intent behind c!techno's characterisation, at least not for now. i hope for the best tho cc!techno don't let me down <3

[plaidbooks]

I am such a sucker for angry Nick and just straight up angst! May I request something angst, Nick and you having a fight cuz he saw you out at lunch with your ex & accuse you of cheating and you call him possessive and insecure! Lol all angst please!

Pushing People Away

A/N: Heya Anon! If Nick has a flaw, it’s his possessive anger, for sure. Boy needs to learn how to trust people, I swear. This is angst with no happy ending, hope you enjoy <3

Tags: implied smut, mentions of cheating

Words: 1203

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad

The last two weeks had been long, hard; Nick was absorbed in a few different cases, coming home at outrageous times and leaving before you rolled out of bed. You were missing him dearly, but you knew that this could happen when you started dating him. It was only recently that he had asked you to move in with him—he had a house while you had an apartment—and while you had agreed, you still had a lease you were stuck in. Normally, you stayed at Nick’s place, waking up in his embrace, but because of his crazy schedule, you were staying at your own place more and more, only sleeping in his bed when he asked you to, when he needed you to. Like last night, when he passionately made love to you for half the night before passing out, only to leave early in the morning, leaving you in a big, empty bed.

Sighing, you rolled out of bed, your body the best kind of sore, little bruises on your hips and shoulders from Nick. You smiled at the marks, remembering how he had praised your body with his, his mouth and hands exploring every inch of you like it was your first time together.

After showering and dressing, you looked in the fridge, seeing how sparce it was. Nick had a grocery list on the door that was ever-expanding. After texting him, asking if it was up-to-date, and adding some extra items to it, you pulled it off, heading out the door.

You pushed the shopping cart, grabbing everything on the list you had in your hand, when someone playfully hit your cart with theirs. Looking up, you were shocked to see your ex, Daniel.

“Hey, [Y/N]. Long time, no see. How’ve you been?” he asked, smiling. You and Daniel had dated for three years in college before he took a job in Montana. You were unwilling to move with him, so you split. Though, you were still friends, still talked online.

“Daniel! I didn’t know you were back in town! I’m-I’m doing well, how’re you?” you replied.

“Ah, I’m in New York for a conference; only here for the week…. Would you like to grab lunch? Catch up?”

You thought about it; Nick was the jealous type, and he did know who Daniel was. But you also knew Daniel was engaged. Plus, you’d never cheat on Nick…and besides, he couldn’t control who you went to lunch with. “I’d love to. Let me drop all this off at home, first. Meet at 1?”

After setting a time and place, you finished shopping, rushing to Nick’s house to put everything away, and then head to your lunch with Daniel.

***

Nick was so excited to surprise you. He took a half-day; he had been spending wayyy too much time at work, and he wanted to spend more time with you. Especially after he reminded himself last night about how much he loved your body writhing underneath his touch.

He was giddy as he drove home, thinking about all the ways he’d worship you…. That was, until he was at a red light. He glanced over at a small restaurant and froze when he saw you, talking, laughing with…your ex? So, how long has that been going on?

The red of the streetlight lit up Nick’s face as he gripped the steering wheel, his jaw set. He debated confronting you now, making a scene, but then the light turned green, and the people behind him honked impatiently. Still seeing red, Nick hit the gas, trying to hurry out of there, get home. He didn’t notice that during the commotion, you had looked over and saw him peel away.

***

You were in deep shit, you knew. Half of you felt horrible, guilty for being caught with your ex, the screech of Nick’s tires as he sped away still fresh in your mind. But the other half of you was indignant; why couldn’t you meet up with old friends? It wasn’t like you were cheating on Nick. And besides, he had women friends. Though, you did have a bunch of male friends that he was fine with—it was just because Daniel was your ex.

Pulling up to Nick’s house, you took a deep breath, steeling yourself for the inevitable fight that was about to take place. You loved Nick with all your heart; you just kept repeating that over and over again as you entered the house. Nick was sitting in his armchair, beer in hand, tie off and shirt unbuttoned, revealing his undershirt. He didn’t even look at you as you closed the door behind you.

“We need to talk,” you said, coming to stand in front of him. Nick stared right through you as if you weren’t there, sipping at his beer. “Really Nick? Gonna pretend I’m not here? Fine; I’ll talk, and you can listen. Yes, I was having lunch with Daniel; we were catching up and—”

“How long have you been sleeping with him behind my back?” Nick asked, trying to keep his voice disinterested. But you could hear the anger boiling underneath.

You puffed yourself up defensively. “I am not sleeping with—”

Nick was on his feet in one fluid motion, standing so close, you could smell the beer on his breath. “Yeah, you gonna lie to me now?” He huffed out a humorless chuckle. “Look, I know I’ve been busy at work, but you didn’t need to go crawling back to him—”

“Oh my god Nick! Are you so fucking insecure that you think I’m sleeping around?” you yelled at him. “I’m allowed to have friends, Nick! Don’t be so possessive—”

“I’m insecure? That’s funny, coming from someone who refused to be seen shirtless with the lights on the first time we did it—”

“So, you’re going to throw that in my face?” you screamed, embarrassment and rage making your cheeks burn. “Look, if that’s how you’re going to be, then I—I don’t know if I can do this with you, Nick.” You pushed past him, heading towards the bedroom. Reaching into the closet, you pulled out your suitcase.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Nick asked, voice dangerously low. He was watching you, leaning against the doorjamb with his arms crossed.

“It means I’m going back to my place for a bit…work things out on my own…. Because right now, I don’t know if I can be with someone who polices who I can and cannot spend my free time with.” Having packed your essentials, you flipped the suitcase closed, zipping it. You looked Nick full in the face—he was still pissed, but underneath that was a profound sadness. You fought the urge to cry; there would be plenty of time for that later, away from him.

In a soft voice, you said, “I would never even dream of cheating on you, Nick Amaro…. You need to figure out this jealousy thing you got going on before you end up pushing away everyone who loves you.” And then moved past him. He let you go, his eyes closing in defeat as his front door slammed behind him.

[escapewriter]

Light of My Life

pairing : minghao x reader

synopsis : what’s better than celebrating your boyfriend’s birthday rapunzel style?

genre : whole lotta fluff and a bit of humor

word count : 2k

warnings : slight mentions of murder but its a joke

a/n : for minghao’s birthday😌 it isnt a lot like how i wanted but it does justice lol. also, lets pretend they weren’t by the ocean lol

svt written masterlist || main masterlist

You sat in your apartment opening the box you received from the mail today. Jun had helped you plan this date for Minghao for his birthday and this item would complete the whole date. You pulled out the lanterns that were in a plastic bag and scanned them. 

“Perfect,” You place them carefully in the picnic basket, finally set for your date with Minghao tomorrow. You heard your phone buzz on the table.

Minghao : hi yn, what you up to?

You smiled at his text, grateful that he took the time to text you even with his busy schedule 

You : i am currently preparing for our date tomorrow :D

Minghao : ooo how exciting. can i know what you have planned??

You : you should know the answer to that question 

Minghao rolled his eyes as he stared at his screen. Of course you would turn the tables on him, he always made your dates a surprise. 

Minghao : no fair :(

You : how is this not fair??

Minghao : cuz i want to know lol. 

You contemplated but stood your ground; you can’t tell him. 

You : guess you just have to find out tomorrow. 

Minghao sighed, giving up on attempting to find out what you have planned. 

Minghao : fine. but don’t think ill tell you what i have planned for your birthday. 

You : yeah yeah i know. dont you still have practice?

He looked at the clock in the practice room and then to some of his members who were sitting on the floor or standing. 

Minghao : yeah i should probably get going. its late too, you should sleep. 

You : i will dont worry. stay safe and dont push yourself. 

Minghao : i wont. goodnight my love, i love you.

You : i love you too. 

You locked your phone and took the basket, placing it on the kitchen counter. Tomorrow was going to be an eventful day. 

~

You placed the basket with all the supplies you needed in the trunk of your car, deciding to make it a surprise. Taking the other basket that you prepared this morning with various types of food, you put it in the backseat behind the drivers side. Getting in, you started the car and headed to Minghao’s dorm. 

You tapped the wheel in excitement, you finally get to have some part of the day with Minghao before his birthday. It was November 6th, so it wasn’t exactly his birthday, but you did get to have him until midnight and that’s all that counts. And it made your plan perfect. 

You got to the parking garage and texted your boyfriend that you were downstairs waiting. After 5 minutes, you see the elevator open and Minghao step out, looking as handsome as ever. 

He approached the car and got into the passenger seat, giving you a quick kiss. “Hi,” he smiled at you, “Hi,” you smiled back. You began to pull out of the building, picking up a small conversation with each other.

“How was the drive?” You turned down the radio, “Same as usual, smooth, nothing wrong, I was safe.” He smiled, happy that you had a decent ride, “That’s good. So, where are we going?”

You took your eyes off the road to look at him for a split second before focusing back on the road. A grin creeped onto your face, “You’ll find out soon Hao. Be patient, you’ll love it.”

“No, I know I’ll love it, I just have to let my manager know because of protocol,” You sighed, “Is that really the reason?” He looked outside the window, playing with his rings, “Half of it, they told me to have fun.” 

You smiled and turned up the radio, “Shut up and enjoy the ride baby. Trust, you’ll enjoy it more.”

~

“This is nice,” Minghao sighed beside you on the picnic blanket. “Yeah it is.”

All the food in the basket was empty, mainly Minghao devouring most of it. “So, what are we gonna do now?” You looked at the time on your phone. Sun sets at 6:45 and it’s 3:50. You have three hours for what you have planned so it should be enough. 

“I’ll be right back, I have to get something.” You got up quickly and retrieved the extra basket that was in the trunk. You returned to Minghao, “Ta da!” 

“More food??” You laughed and sat down in your place, “No, an activity. Jun actually helped me with the idea.” You opened up the basket, taking out of the things you packed inside, “What is this YN?” He picked up one of the lanterns. 

“It’s a lantern. I packed all these art supplies so we could decorate them and light them up and release them. Originally, I wanted to do it at midnight because that’s when your actual birthday is, but the timing wasn’t right, and plus it’s dangerous during nighttime.” 

He looked at you with his mouth agape, “That’s so,,, thoughtful. I can’t believe you came up with this.” 

“Actually Jun-” “-let’s just give you the credit for now.” You smiled at him as he leaned over and kissed you on the lips. You held his face in place as his right hand was planted in between the two of you so he wouldn’t lose balance. Pulling away, you smiled at each other, “Happy Birthday my love.” 

“Thank you, I love you so much. Now! Let's get to painting!”

~

“My lantern looks like crap oh my god,” you looked at the blue blob on your cylinder object. “I’m sure it looks fine YN, just keep going.” You put down the paint brush and looked at your boyfriend. 

He’s been in ‘The8’ mode ever since you two started painting. He didn’t want you to see what he was making, so it became a rule that when you both finish, that’s when you present your pieces to each other. 

“I don’t know why you’re not letting me see yours, it’s not like I haven’t seen you paint before.” You continued to try and make your blob look presentable by drawing a happy face, “You know, when you took me out here in like the middle of nowhere, I thought you would’ve killed me, broken up with me and left me here to starve, or go cloud watching.”

You looked at him with a weird face, “Well for one thing, there are no clouds today. And two, I wouldn’t have let you starve, that’s too painful.” You finally looked up at you, “So you would’ve killed me?” 

You purse your lips, “Would you rather starve to death?” He rolled his eyes and looked back down at his artwork. 

“I get that Jun helped you with this, but like, how did the idea come about?” You painted mindlessly while pondering on an answer, “Well I thought of you and what you would like, even if you said anything. But I just thought about what you meant to me, like how lanterns are bright when you light them up, and when you release them, they float. It’s a really bad metaphor, but you’re like my lantern. You’re the light of my life and every time I’m with you, I’m always on cloud nine. Plus it fits with your culture.”

He was looking at you when you tried to sneak a peek at his lantern. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t just see you try to look at my lantern. But besides the point, that was really cheesy, but I love you.” You smiled and put down the brush. 

“Well, I’m done with mine.” You looked at him, seeing him also set down his brush, “Me too. Do we let it dry and assemble it?” You contemplated on your answer for a bit, “Uhh, I could probably assemble mine because it looks like trash anyway, but if you like yours, let it dry a little and then assemble it.” 

~

Minghao just finished assembling his lantern after it dried for a bit. It was currently 6:50, the sky was just turning into various shades of orange, pink and purple. “Okay, wanna see mine now?” You looked at your boyfriend and he held his lantern behind his back, “Show me.”

He brought it in front of him and lifted it up, slowly turning it to see the details that he drew on. “Wow, it looks beautiful, I can’t really see it.”

He brought it back down and signaled for you to scoot closer, “This here, is the bouquet of your favorite flower that I got you for Valentines Day,” You smiled as he turned it a little to move to the next picture, “This is the tree that we sat by on one of our dates. The one where a bird pooped on you,” You laughed and slightly hit his shoulder, “I can’t believe you put that there.”

“How could I not? It was an amazing memory. Anyway, this is a drawing of our matching bracelets, I didn’t want to paint it because I thought it would ruin it, so it’s a bit plain.” You shook your head, “No it’s beautiful.” He turned it to the final piece.

“This is a picture of us, or a silhouette of us. We’re watching the lanterns fly up into the beautiful sky together.” You felt a tear drop fall from your eye, “Aw crap what the fuck? Why am I crying?” You giggled and quickly tried wiping away the tears with your hands as Minghao laughed beside you. 

He put down his lantern and pulled you in closer to him, “Why are you crying though, baby?” You sniffed, “Because this is a celebration for you, and I feel like I should’ve painted something beautiful for you.” You kissed your forehead softly, “I don’t care what you paint baby, as long as I’m here with you, it doesn’t matter.”

“I kinda don’t want to release that one, it’s too beautiful.” He looked at you with a pout, “but I painted the future.” 

You laughed, checking your phone, “Okay fine. It’s 7:10, we should light it up now.” 

You both got up, lanterns in your hands. Grabbing a lighter, you lit yours and then Minghao’s, “Ready YN?” You held the hand that he held out, “I feel like I’m in high school musical,” he laughed, squeezing your hand, “Keep it PG, we do not makeout in public.”

“Okay,” You rolled your eyes with a smile, “On the count of three.” You both gazed into each other’s eyes, “1. 2. 3.” 

You both let go of the lanterns and saw them slowly float into the sun-kissed sky. You felt Minghao release your hand before hearing jazz music begin to play and feeling his arms wrap around your waist, swaying softly to the music. 

“Of course jazz music.” You heard him chuckle behind you, “Well, you can’t blame me, it’s a perfect time for it.” You smiled and leaned more into his embrace.

“Did you like the date?” He hummed in response, his chin on your shoulder, “It was perfect. I loved it a lot, thank you for making this special for me.” 

“Of course. It’s, well almost your big day after all.” You turned around, placing your hands on his shoulders and his on your waist. “Happy Birthday my love,” He smiled at you, heart filled with love and happiness as he looked into your eyes more. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss to your lips, taking your breath away. You would never get tired of this feeling. 

Pulling away, you smiled at each other before he looked up, “We should take a picture.” He took out his phone from his pocket, pausing the music and switching on the camera. He held it at a low angle to get the lanterns in the picture, but also getting the sunset in the background.

“Say cheese!” Instead of smiling at the camera, you placed your lips on his cheek, him capturing the moment perfectly. “You sly person,” you giggled and quickly pecked his lips. You grabbed his phone and resumed the jazz music. 

Hold out your hand, “I believe we were dancing earlier?” He gave you a smirk and took your hand into his before pulling you closer, the two of you watching the sunset and dancing slowly to the sound of jazz.

[calpalirwin]

Birds of a Feather

Request: Heey. I don't know if you're into MBTI but I really think ashton is an ENFJ and I know that I'm an ENFP and I would be incredibly happy if you could write something with that 💕

Word count: 2.8k

And away, and away we go!

__

I blew into my hands before rubbing them fiercely together as we walked along the crowded city sidewalk, my breath visible in the frigid air. I gave them a quick shake, flexing the numbness out of my fingers before shoving them in my jacket pockets and taking a few longer strides to keep up with my friends. Britt’s laugh was ringing off the buildings as she clung on to Luke’s arm, his own arm steady around her waist. A pace behind them was Michael and Crystal, their gloved pinkies interlocked as they walked. And bringing up the rear was Calum, and, of course, me. “So how long is this play?” Calum piped up loud enough for Britt to hear him.

“Uh… Y/N said it was like 2 hours I think? Plus the intermission. Why?” she asked, turning to look over her shoulder at the man.

“Just curious,” Calum grinned. When Britt turned back around, he glanced over at me and rolled his eyes. “Two fuckin’ hours? Seriously? Our one night off? In New fuckin’ York. And we’re spending it watching a play? Fuck…”

If he was looking for sympathy about basically being a fifth wheel on group date night, Calum had another thing coming. “It’s a musical, not a play, Cal,” I said, nudging his shoulder with mine.

“There’s a difference?”

“Yeah. Musicals have singing. That’s why they’re called musicals.”

Calum rolled his eyes again, letting out a small snort of laughter. “Genius, mate. MuSiCaLs HaVe SiNgInG,” he mocked.

I laughed with him. “Aw, c’mon Cal. It’s fuckin’ Broadway! Can’t go to New York, and not see a show.”

“Uh… yes we can. We do it all the time.”

“You fuckers gonna hurry up before or after I freeze to death?” Michael asked. Crystal was huddled into his side. Beside them, Britt and Luke were hugging each other with Britt’s arms looped through Luke’s jacket as he sheltered her from the cold.

I swallowed the pang of envy I felt at my friends’ relationships, and flashed a smile. “Yeah, let’s do this.”

“Wake me up at intermission,” Calum said, feigning a yawn and stretching his arms up over his head. 

Luke punched him.

“Ow!” Calum winced, hitting Luke back. “The fuck was that for?”

Luke shot a glance over at Britt who had turned to get our tickets from will call, her shoulders slightly hunched. “Britt hasn’t seen Y/N in months, and she’s really excited about this. I guess it’s like a really big deal for her friend, plus she misses her. Don’t fuckin’ ruin this for me just cause you’d rather be at some club.”

“Plus, this musical is supposed to be really good,” Crystal put in.

“They made it a movie, yeah?” Michael asked.

“I think so,” I answered. “With… what’s her name…” I snapped my fingers and my mind fumbled for the name. “Anna Kendrick! That’s it. It’s a movie with Anna Kendrick in it.”

“That’s who Y/N’s playing!” Britt’s voice piped up as she started to hand us our tickets.

“She’s playing Anna Kendrick?” Calum asked stupidly.

“No, she’s playing Anna Kendrick’s character. Which happens to be the lead,” Britt explained, her pride in her old friend evident in how bright her voice was growing. “She’s so amazing, you guys are gonna love her. And the show!”

We all murmured in answer as we made our way inside the theater. Calum thumbed through the playbill ushers were handing out. “You said she’s the lead?” he asked.

“Yep!”

“Hmm… interesting,” he muttered under his breath, still looking at the page. 

I thumbed through the little booklet myself, figuring out what was just so interesting about this to Calum. “There’s only 2 roles…” I murmured back.

“How great of an actress can Britt’s friend be to get a lead where it’s literally the only option?” Calum continued to whisper so only I heard him, still hopeful I’d take his side of being bitter about tonight’s activity, but I still wasn’t accepting his pity party invitation. 

“Probably really fuckin’ good to get the only female role,” I whispered back with a grin.

The brown eyes rolled as he plopped down in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sometimes you’re too optimistic for your own good, you know that? Happy about playing fifth wheel…”

“We’re the fifth and sixth wheel regardless of what we do, Cal,” I told him, taking the seat next to him.

“Yeah, but at least at a club, I can get me a seventh wheel, if you know what I mean.”

“We go to clubs all the time, Cal. One night isn’t gonna kill us. Plus we’re being supportive of Britt’s friend, isn’t that right, guys?”

“Right!” they all chorused, Luke shooting Calum another sharp look.

Calum raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. Hey, Mike, wanna hit the concession stand with me?”

Michael rocketed up from his seat. “Snacks?”

~~~

Whatever bitterness had taken over Calum was diminishing by intermission and was completely erased by the end of the show. “Damn, Britt, ya girl’s got some pipes.”

“See?!” Britt gloated, sticking her tongue out at him. “I told ya she’s amazing!”

“Yeah, she is,” I marveled in what I thought was just in my head. But based on how all my friends’ heads swiveled towards me with raised eyebrows had me thinking I’d actually said it out loud. “What?”

“Ooooo! Does someone have a little crush?” Michael teased, making kissy faces for dramatic effect.

“Damn, Ash. I knew you were a romantic type but I didn’t realize you fell that quick,” Calum snickered.

“Aw! Look at how red his cheeks are!” Crystal pointed out.

“I-“ I stammered, every part of my face warm, even the tips of my ears. “I was just agreeing with Britt and Cal. Y/N is uh… very talented. You know with the acting and the singing… she really draws in her audience. It’s uh… yeah…” Call it a sixth sense, but I had a good feeling about the girl. And she was Britt’s friend, and Britt and I got along fine. Who’s to say I couldn’t get along with her friend? Her stunning friend with the captivating voice that I was sure would find its way into my dreams? Okay… so I was a bit of an impulsive romantic. But so what? What was the point of having a good instinct if I didn’t listen to it?

“Well, c’mon!” Britt encouraged hurrying out of our row of seats. “She told me something about a stage door. Oh, she’ll probably want to go get food. Are you guys okay with that? If we go find a diner or something?” Her eyebrows pulled together and her teeth worried at her bottom lip as she looked up at Luke with big hopeful eyes. I smiled as Luke nodded at her before turning to us with a similar expression. They were like golden retriever puppies, the two of them. The same childlike glee with a dash of shyness that sometimes came out of nowhere. That was the thing I had noticed about my friends and their relationships. Both Luke and Michael had found someone like them. Someone who matched their energy. And maybe that was my problem. Maybe I just needed someone that matched mine rather than someone who counteracted it like I’d previously thought. Maybe opposites actually didn’t attract, and it was a lot more birds of a feather flock together sort of thing. Or maybe I was overthinking love dynamics way too much for my own good.

“I’m always down for food,” Michael shrugged.

“Of course you are,” we answered with eye rolls and friendly laughter.

By the time we got to the stage door, there was a small but decent sized crowd milling about. “Feels weird being on this side of things, huh?” Calum questioned as he drew up his hood, and I wondered if it had more to do with how cold it was outside, or out of years of instinct. Whatever it ended up being, the rest of us also pulled up our hoods to hide our faces, both from the people and the wind.

I was about to entertain Calum’s comment with a chuckle about how it was definitely a little weird to be the ones lying in wait rather than the ones about to be ambushed, but the door opened and everyone started clapping and whopping. A few girls even screamed that ear splitting scream as the male lead raised a hand in greeting, flashing a million dollar smile. But he was of little interest to me. My focus zeroed straight in on the woman of the hour who came out just behind her co-star. Eyeliner smudged in the corners of soft, bright eyes like she’d taken off her stage make up in a hurry, and she looked very comfortable in a hoodie, leggings, and a beanie pulled snugly down over her ears. A stark contrast from the costumes she donned on stage only moments again, but breathtaking all the same. Her eyes crinkled in the corners as she smiled and her mouth moved with words of gratitude and greeting. 

Britt was practically jumping in place with her excitement to see her friend, but we waited for the crowd to thin before Britt let out a loud and excited “Y/N!” Then, she ran the short distance to crash into her friend.

“Britt! Oh my god! I didn’t know you were coming!” Y/N matched her friend’s excitement as she hugged Britt tight to her.

“I told you I would come!” Britt beamed.

“I know, but I didn’t think you meant like tonight. And you brought company!” Y/N’s attention turned to Luke first. “You must be Luke. Heard a lot about you. I’m a hugger, is that okay?”

“Nice to meet ya, darling,” Luke smiled, offering her a hug. “The show was amazing.”

“Aw, thanks! And let’s see…” She brought a finger to her lips as she studied us all. “You two,” the finger pointed at Michael and Crystal, “have to be Michael and Crystal, right? Michael, I hear you give amazing hugs.”

“That would be us,” Michael laughed before giving her a tight bear hug like they were long lost friends.

“Oh damn!” Y/N laughed, her face flushed. “Now that’s a fuckin’ hug! Crystal, you are one lucky lady.”

“Don’t I know it,” Crystal nodded, hugging the other woman. “So wonderful to meet you.”

“Oh, same! It’s amazing to put faces to the names Britt tells me about. I mean, not that it’s hard to put faces to your names cuz… well… it’s just really nice to actually meet you all finally. Which brings me to Ashton and Calum, yes?” she asked, her attention now fully on Calum and me.

“That would be us. I’m Cal,” Cal went first, giving her a quick hug in greeting like everyone else had.

“So that means you have to be Ashton,” she said.

“Yep,” I managed to get out before her arms were wrapping around my shoulders. My arms snaked around her back, reveling in the feeling of holding her against me.

“Don’t tell the others, but you’re the one I’ve been most excited to meet,” her voice whispered in my ear for only me to hear before she let go, and I let her step out of my grasp. I swear she even shot me a covert wink before clapping her hands together. “Oh this is great! I’m so glad y’all could come see the show. I’d love to continue to hang out with y’all, but I am starving. So if you guys had other plans you wanted to do to-“

“Food sounds great,” I interrupted. “Right, guys?”

“I could eat,” Michael agreed while Britt and Luke shot me a grateful look.

“Okay, awesome! There’s this great diner a couple blocks up. Walking distance really. Just um… let me run back inside real quick and grab the rest of my things. Oh, I’m so glad you’re here!” She gave Britt another quick squeeze before dashing back inside the theater.

The man she’d come out with snapped out of his own haze to realize that it was just him and us standing around. “Thanks for coming to the show,” he smiled politely as he took a few slow steps towards the door, giving us ample time to stop him and ask for autographs or pictures, but we didn’t stop him. No offense to him, but we weren’t here for him. But we gave a polite wave and muttered a congratulatory “great show,” as he walked inside.

A few minutes later, the door pushed open and out popped Y/N, laughing loudly as Mr. Broadway laughed with her just a step behind, his hand above hers on the door to help push it open. “I’ll see ya tomorrow, you goof,” she kept laughing, giving him a swift hug.

“Aw c’mon!” he flirted. “The club’s just a short walk down that way. I know the bouncer. Bound to be a good time.”

“I can’t,” she smiled, holding up her hands in apology. “I’m starving for 1, and look! My friends are in town.” One of her arms slung its way across my shoulders, the other across Britt’s. I tried not to smirk. 

The man gave a small laugh as he nodded. “Alright. Well if you guys change your mind after you grab that bite to eat, you know how to reach me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Later, Dean.”

“Later, girlie.”

She blew out her breath as the man walked in the opposite direction from us. “That guy’s a character… C’mon! To food!”

~~~

I’m not sure how it happened, but one minute we were all in a diner, swapping stories with Y/N like we were all old friends catching up instead of just meeting for the first time, and the next it was just her and I walking through Central Park. I was too busy being captivated by the way her eyes sparkled, and her hands flew as she talked animatedly, a smear of ketchup in the corner of her mouth to listen to what my friends' excuses for leaving were, or even if they had tried to get me to follow. All I cared about was being in her presence. “You know, you’re really great, Ash,” she said as she stopped and leaned against the stone wall of the bridge we were crossing, a street lamp casting her in a soft glow. “Can I call you Ash? I heard them all calling you that, so I figured it was okay. But if it’s one of those ‘only my closest friends get to call me that’ then obviously I won’t.”

“Ash is fine,” I giggled. “You’re pretty great yourself. Which makes this next part a little narcissistic, but you kinda remind me of myself a bit.”

“I don’t think that makes you narcissistic. And yes, I’m a hundred percent saying that because I see it too, and don’t want to be a narcissist myself. We have very similar souls, I think.”

“I think we do too,” I told her as I rested my arms on the ledge of the bridge, looking out at the water. “So, um… What's the deal with that co-star of yours? Dean?” I tried to ask slyly.

“Great actor. Bright career. But actually a narcissist.” She gave a small chuckle before sighing. “I’m single. These actor types… well they know how to lay on the charm, let’s put it that way. I don’t want to date someone as a publicity stunt, ya know? I want it to be real. So I’m pretty selective about who I date.”

“Mmm, so that would be a no to coffee in the morning?”

“I didn’t say that.” She spun around so her back was no longer resting along the wall of the bridge. She propped her left elbow on the ledge, cupping her chin in her palm, and her right hand came to rest lightly on top of mine. “I really like you, Ashton. Britt… She tells me stories about you guys all the time. And I get how weird it is to only hear stories about a person and think you’d get on with them. And I also get that there’s only so much you can learn about someone in a few hours through even more stories. But-- and I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am-- I get the feeling that you really like me too. That we have a connection that somehow transcends needing to know more about each other for us to be certain about how we feel about each other. That…” She paused for a moment, looking for how to explain the unexplainable.

“That if I don’t kiss you, I might die,” I supplied, hopeful she meant something along those lines.

“Something like that,” she breathed before we both leaned in, our lips meeting in the middle.

__

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