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giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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tiny-vermin · 5 months

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@runfreebirdrun THREATENED me at GUNPOINT to do this drawing of GAY PEOPLE (🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮) KISSING (??!?!!?!??!?)

his post of the same pose is here, and the image we both drew was sent to iwcat by @kurocyou

#verms stuff #verms cr #beauyasha #caleb widogast #fire emoji #every time im like okay listen #we're gonna do some simple colours for this #my brain hears “lets go ham with rendering”#and this isnt the worst of it at least #ive gotten better at handling that urge #anyways #critical role #critical role fanart #damn i just realised i didnt give any of them accessories #whatever i do not gaf

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tiger-grace · 2 months

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Dick and Bruce mourning Jason: I.. am not..

Red Hood, driving by absolutely balling with heads in the backseat: I WOKE UP IN A NEW BUGATTI 🗣️🗣️

#I like to think he just stalked them for a while and every time dick fell or tripped up while parkouring he laughed at him from a distance #occasionally dick would hear it and go ‘woah wtf did you hear that??’#batman #jason todd #batfam #bruce wayne #dick grayson #nightwing #robin #red hood #Jason struggling 99% of the time and then being a silly goose as red hood when he’s not w his family

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 3 months

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Never gonna live that down.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan jingyi #jin ling #Surprise comic for today because this was cut from the previous comic.#And I'm so close to finishing season 2! I want to post my final comics and celebrate!#I imagine they (the juniors) hold the stabbing incident over Jin Ling's head for years. Akin to a funny typo in the group chat.#The stabbing is his Grink. Every time JL and WWX are seen interacting someone makes a teasing remark.#“I'm going to go ask Wei Wuxian what he thinks about our night hunt plans.” “Okay! Don't stab him ^-^.”#I also imagine WWX eventually leaning into it. A little bit of teasing to let it be known that there are no hard feelings.#LWJ (the funniest guy ever) would bide his time. Waiting for it to die down.#Then launch devastating blow as he joins in with “Wei Ying is in the courtyard. Please refrain from stabbing him today.”#Modern AU juniors would be brutal with the group chat lore. The pinned messages is a hall of fame and a hall of shame.#Nothing is forgotten. Nothing is sacred.#And poor jin ling is too reactionary. He is the ideal target because he flusters in a funny way.#I (the punchline friend) know my role well. I have been at the epicenter of many memorable typos and on-going bits.#You have to embrace it. Reverse it on them. Wield it as your power. Edit your messages to INCLUDE the typo.#(Fellow punchlines; I would *love* to hear your stories. Your jestery burdens. Your infamous typos. This is a safe space.)

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ur-favoriterecord · 1 month

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*saw trap voice* Hello Persona YouTuber. It has come to my attention that you have spent way to long praising Maruki and his 'noble ambitions', however you fail to mention Sumire even once, even calling her Kasumi despite it being clear that this was a spoiler filled video.

Before you is a Google doc. You have thirty minutes to write a thesis statement about Sumire and her inclusion in Royal, including her relationship with Maruki or the Bear Trap goes off

#persona 5 #persona 5 royal #sumire yoshizawa #jfc AT LEAST CALL HER BY HER NAME IF YOUR GOING TO INSULT HER #every time I hear 'Oh Maruki is an amazing antagonist :) and he's not REALLY a villain. his goals are noble and isnt that what matters?“#and I just want to yell at them 'WHAT ABOUT SUMIRE?'

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ohitslen · 2 months

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Living together.

The snail video if you are interested :)

#showing random videos you found abt an animal fun fact is a love language if you didn't know btw #not understanding a topic and starting with drop out ideation is part of the journey when you are a student.#it evolves later (or simultaneously) with wanting to quit your job. in WW case both apply at the same time #vash is the kind of guy to really be marveled abt every little new piece of information he gets in his hands #and the 1st person he thinks abt to share his knowledge and joy with is ofc ww #the fact that they live together only amplified this by a thousand #ww tends to hear him out and also watch more videos with him. rn he's too busy weighing studying vs quitting #I really enjoyed drawing Vash in the bg for this one he's so cute #i hope its noticeable how much fun i am having by putting them through all of this.#why didn't i do this more since earlier???#aesthetics be damned. put them THROUGH -IT-#trigun #vash the stampede #trigun stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #vashwood #trigun fanart #vash #wolfwood #nicholas trigun #lenssi draws #Trigun Uni! AU #made some very light changes that were bothering only me specifically. you might not notice IWDFJK

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ghostbeam · 2 months

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Mech pilot yuuta and his mech that’s incredibly possessive over him. He takes to you as a handler almost immediately, excited for the help after his last few handlers were scared off. You’re not allowed inside, your constantly dodging malfunctioning limbs and faulty wires, but you’re not one to back down, and gaining her trust is just as important as gaining his.

Rika only realizes how important you are to Yuuta the day after you spend the night with him, and he’s left alone in the morning with an empty bed and a broken heart. You’re his handler. You’re not supposed to leave him. Not ever.

She lures you into her chest one night, faking some sort of lighting malfunction and allowing you inside for the first time. She keeps you inside all night, enduring all your yelling and banging on her insides to be let out, a nice gift for Yuuta.

#he’ll coax you into the neurolink connection with sweet words #talk about being unable to live without you how much he needs you #not only as his handler but as someone he’s falling in love with #the link will only make the two of you stronger #you’ll let him right?? let him peak inside your brain and hear all your thoughts #he’ll know every time you think of leaving #know your desire for him when your words say otherwise #you won’t be able to hide anymore #especially not when rika has taken to you too #you belong to them now❤️#sorry had to get that out #lowkey a little horrific to be trapped in a mech #but this au is consuming my life #if I had any energy I would write this but #it’s all going toward my Touya fic I fear #ghost thoughts

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orbdog · 2 years

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touch starved moment

1. high street - team me / 2. american tradition - nicole dollanganger / 3. baby teeth - flower face / 4/5. kick and curse - team me / 6. bitter and sick - one two

#snarf #m #alternatively songs that make me bunch the ground #every time i hear them #HDJDHDJ

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seventh-district · 4 months

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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition

[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]

#boothill #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr incorrect quotes #hsr memes #honkai star rail memes #hsr meme #honkai star rail meme #hsr textpost #hsr boothill #boothill hsr #hsr spoilers #hsr 2.2 spoilers #hmmm... don't think it's worth tagging the others in the 9th image. this ain't about them #still unsure abt how to do the alt text for these kinda posts properly but hopefully i'm improving #anyways. don't think i've ever seen heard and typed "cowboy' so many times in one day as i have while making this good lord #i did a bit of digging around and haven't Seen any of these done yet so. here's hoping that's the case!#i'm only ~3/4 of the way through the 2.2 main quest but the need to make these compelled me to put these out Now #i can already tell u that there Will be more of these for Boothill tho bc i'm crazy abt him. probably enough to make another dedicated post #but i'm gonna wait until i'm fully caught up on the plot (and will probably spoil myself for more of his character lore after that as well)#speaking of. i'm gonna go eat mac n' cheese and stay up too late playing through the rest of the main quest #i'm loving it so far. many thoughts head full abt it all but in a good way. hoping for more Boothill moments as we approach the end #he's def not the main character here but he is to Me okay. he is to me. i'm scarfing down every crumb he drops #i'm also suffering from Aventurine withdrawals out here. Argenti mentioning him was Interesting but i need More. Where Is He.#also. was Argenti intentionally not voiced or was it a game issue?? the hell was that. threw me off so hard when i couldn't hear him speak #anyways i'm getting off topic and wasting precious gaming time so i'll be takin' my leave now

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turtleblogatlast · 5 months

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I think a lot about Leo’s tendency to push his way into the spotlight despite clearly being a natural in the shadows. Hell, you could argue that his worst moments are when he’s forcing himself onstage, and his best are when he does things no one notices until it’s already been done.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #His aptitude with subterfuge sleight of hand stealth and speed really push how being a ninja really comes naturally to him.#it’s arguable that his desperation for the spotlight and validation is an act of subterfuge against himself #note that when he’s offered a job as a mascot he’s fine being unknown #when he and splinter win the battle nexus Leo immediately says ‘they love YOU pops’#idk I think so much about how good a ninja Leo is #and how much his persona is more an actor #Leo as a tot is shown a natural skill at katana too so hear me out-#every Leo is a natural ninja but every Leo’s route in life is directly tied to their splinter so #since rise splinter is an actor Leo too aims for it #and he brings it into his whole life - masking always because a Leo makes what they do who they are #I think that Leo naturally falls more in line with that of a typical ninja #his eccentric performer self is his subterfuge skill just set to an 11 at all times #not that that’s NOT him - like I said it’s still undoubtedly a part of Leo #but? idk I think about little moments like Leo being the only one to choose stealth in bug busters #or Leo being the only one to almost get Gus’s dog tags in The Ninja Art of Hide and Seek (he was so close but luck was against him alas)#like- he’s clearly in his element there and he falls into those skills so easily #it’s like how everyone has skills in so many things but some exceed more in some than others do #like Raph? Raph’s the biggest Hero of the bunch of them let’s be perfectly real here. Raph is THE Hero #All the boys are smart in their own rights but Donnie is THE Genius.#and they all have mystic powers but Mikey is THE Mystic Warrior with immense untapped potential #likewise Leo I feel is THE Ninja #but yeah I love how much Leo goes for the spotlight anyway for better or for worse #he IS a performer again make no mistake! but again the way he does it still lines up with his natural ninja aptitude and I love it #Leo loving magic tricks and magicians so much works doubly well here because like #you’d think he’s focused solely on the performance flair - no it’s ALSO and ESPECIALLY the DECEPTION

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epicthemusicalstuff · 2 days

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I’ve known that it’s insane that we keep getting saga after saga in such a short period of time, but I was listening through epic (again, as one does) and it struck me that I am still not normal about any of the sagas, particularly the underworld and thunder sagas still- and now we have only two to go?!?

#Like I felt like I was well adjusted and acquainted to the Troy and Cyclops Sagas #And then ever since Ocean they have been rapid fire and every time I listen to them it’s like in hearing them all over for the first time #I love it #epic the musical #i am not normal about them

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vlasdygoth · 6 months

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all yours

#mgs #kazuhira miller #venom snake #mgsv #i guess you could see this as vkaz but it's actually ocelhira #like if you think about it. who was ocelot really trying to fool with venom.#fucked up thing to do to someone. to both of them #id in alt text #if you could see the amv that plays in my head every time i hear babooshka. it's a wild reading but whatever #metal gear solid

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adhd-languages · 9 months

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When someone speaks a foreign language in public and I’m desperately trying not to stare like I’m sorry I’m not racist I just desperately want to hear the different vowel sounds you’re making. sorry.

#also every time I hear a language in public I wanna figure out what it is #and don’t even get me started on if it’s one I recognize #if it’s Japanese I’m like #if they say one of the few words I can understand I go insane #even if they just use particles. and I hear/recognize them. it’s so exciting for me #<-(I’m a nerd and this is what qualifies as fun for me)#but also it’s rude to stare and eavesdrop too much I’m sure #and I don’t want people to feel uncomfortable #Quinn posts #language #langblr #linguistics #language learning #languages #100 #500

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do-not-careissa · 2 months

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