#every time someone is like we should find him then they find 700 other things to do other than go and try and find him

[kqluckity]

"quackity had friends" did he tho? because we're all talk talk but no one is still looking for him lmao

[nknoxe-n]

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Babydoll ​— ​🇩​​🇴​​🇲​​🇮​​🇳​​🇮​​🇨​ ​🇫​​🇮​​🇰​​🇪​

Synopsis: They hear there are rumours of you two dating?

Warnings: [pre established friendship]

w.c 700

Isagi Yoichi: He is initially shocked when he hears about the rumour, I mean who wouldn't be? He and his close friend, dating? He immediately clears the air because he doesn't want anyone to think he's going along with the rumour, and tries to be respectful about it either way. The rest of the day he's a bit of a mess though, did he do something to make people think that you two were dating? Was he coming off as a creepy friend? Isagi will approach you awkwardly later on, wanting to clarify things, but also secretly hoping to gauge your feelings. He'd be hoping for some clarity, even if it's just to clear up his own feelings.

Bachira Meguru: Bachira would find the rumour hilarious. He'd laugh it off initially, playfully teasing you about it. He'd start acting extra affectionate towards you, leaning into the fake dating rumour just to see how others would react. He'd constantly tease you by calling you cute nicknames in public or platonically holding your hand. Bachira would likely lean into the rumour just for fun, using it as an excuse to be more playful and close. "Since everyone thinks we're dating, we should act the part, right?" His teasing would have no genuine romantic interest, though, just because he doesn't want to risk your friendship.

Nagi Seishiro: He's not surprised one bit, he'll make a few comments on it to Reo kind of asking for advice without directly asking, believe it or not there was a long-winded rumour that he and Reo were dating so that's why he's not very fazed. "So, people think we're dating. What do you think about that?" He says it so casually that it catches you off guard. He wants to know how you feel about it of course, if it makes you uncomfortable he could always ask Reo to clear things up because he can't be bothered but if you don't mind it not much will change, and you might notice him sitting closer to you more often and sharing his sweets.

Chigiri Hyoma: He HATES baseless gossip or drama, he doesn't think you two have been acting like a couple at all, at least not enough for people to assume so. Chigiri loves to gossip, but something like this was tacky for his taste and not really his niche of drama. He would definitely sit down with you and have a private discussion, he expresses how the rumour annoys him, but he mainly wants to make sure you're okay (:

Kunigami Rensuke: Kunigami would deny the rumour without a doubt no matter when or where, not because he dislikes the idea of being with you, but because he likes what you two have and doesn't want you to feel weird in your friendship with him. He would be confused and slightly embarrassed by the rumour. Kunigami values honesty, like I said, so he’d be uncomfortable with people thinking he’s in a relationship when he’s not.

Itoshi Rin: He’d be colder towards you in public to try and kill the rumour, but this only makes people gossip more about how he's being 'tsundere.' Internally, though, he's conflicted and irritated with himself for even caring in the first place when he should be focused on soccer. Rin would ignore the rumour and act like it doesn't exist, hoping it will die down on its own. He'd continue treating you the same way, cold and blunt in front of others, but a bit softer when it's just the two of you. If you seem worried about it, he will begrudgingly tell you "don't worry about it, people are idiots"

Shidou Ryusei: Shidou would find the rumour amusing and wouldn't hesitate to stir the pot of gossip even more. "Oh? We're dating now? Why didn't you tell me, babe?" he'd say with a cheeky grin every single time someone asks. However, if he sees that the rumour genuinely bothers you, he'd surprisingly tone down his antics. Despite his erratic and chaotic personality, he doesn't actually want to make you uncomfortable. In a rare moment of seriousness, he’d ask if you’re okay with everything and, depending on your answer, decide how to proceed, but if you say it's fine expect him to buy into the rumours even more, he'd probably even end up jumping someone for you.

[lovedropletsdreams]

Lost time - What If | Hisirdoux Casperan

Plot : You’ve known him for almost a thousand years, he’d known you for a few centuries when he should’ve known you the same (Hisirdoux Casperan x reader)

Word Count: 700+

Warnings: none (slight swearing really)

A/N: It's been a while since i wrote this but this feels nice, the idea of it. Thank you @prismarts for being such a dear to help me beta read again (really you're just the sweetest bab), any suggestions and feedback are welcomed :D

Taglist: @furblrwurblr@prismarts@alovesongshewrote @castle-of-my-dreamsj

what if, instead of taking the second chance, you saw how happy he is with his life. Not knowing that he knows he's missing something that he can't put his fingers in.

So you decide to stay away from him. to avoid getting yourself tangled in his life ever again.

But the funny thing about fate, they just keep finding you at every turn. And with those every turn you find yourself unwillingly getting more and more tangled with him. He sees them, the way you'd try to avoid sharing too much about yourself, avoid showing too much emotion with him, and avoid spending more time to be in each other's presence.

At first, he thought it was how it was with you. Not until some time passes and he realizes.. it was him you avoid getting tangled with. only him. He was the one that you avoided sharing things about yourself, those little details about your life that you never opened up with. He was the one that you avoid showing much of your emotions from, whether it was happiness or other emotions, just a small polite smile here and there if he was lucky. He was the one you declined for invitations to spend more time together, getting to know each other more.

He was the only one you avoid. The one whom you set up your walls at. And the worst part is, even with all the avoidance and declined invitations, even with that polite smile of yours, he felt *full, just knowing you are part of his life, no matter how little it is. He felt the missing part, the void inside him was slowly filling up. And it hurts.

He was okay just to be part of your life, but for a long time, to get to see you and know you, even for a slight more, he craved more, he wanted more, to be someone (not that he knows he already is). He knew he started to grow feelings. And that's why it hurts, thinking you don't feel the same. And it's getting worse once you realize you can no longer avoid him and you started pushing him away instead.

So one day, the dam broke.

"Please let me have a chance, to get to know you, more. Not just about some task, or duty we need to do, but about you as a person. Stop pushing me away."

"You do not need to know me, i am not someone you need to tangle yourself with. Please just let it go--"

"Damn it, why? Why am I so infatuated with you?" And for the very first time in front of you, he snapped.

"I have never felt such a desire to know someone. Every fiber in my body is telling me I should just stop, but… I…"

He stopped and took a deep breath, stepping closer as he looked straight into your eyes. Your heartbeats grew until you could hear nothing but blood pumping inside your heart. It feels like your lungs are being cut off from the air as you see into his eyes. The past images flashed in your eyes, that damn gaze, the very same gaze, your Douxie used to give you. the close distance between you two doesn't help your mind to process everything fast enough.

"I do not understand you" he spoke softly, with a tone similar to a glass breaking, he laid bare his broken heart at you. "You are the most complex person I have ever met. Perhaps I should hate you for everything you've put me through. But.. despite all of that, every moment, every encounter, every second I spent with you filled my heart. It filled the void I thought I'd have to live with all my life. You put the pieces to fill that void without even realizing it. I was content with my life, even with that void." He pauses.

"But, meeting you and feeling how the void was finally filled, is more magical than any magic I ever seen in my life. So please, will you give me a chance to let me in? No more avoiding, no more pushing, just you."

So the decision is in your hands, will you let him in and bare yourself?

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@allvalley100

Prompt: Superstition

Pairing: Hawkmetri

The rest of this AV100 prompt that I didn't have time to finish before the prompt closed XD This one is a 7-parter--700 words total! Only fitting they should get a happy ending for the last AV100 post I write for them <3

***

Day 38

Talked to Eli about his…interesting new lady friends. They’re making me miss when he was hung up on Moon, honestly.

Anyways, turns out they’re just some exiled lesbians he took pity on. Families disowned them for kissing women, growing fangs, etc etc. Last I heard, Yas is single—maybe she’d want their numbers?

Woke up with a couple (bite?) sores on my neck, so I asked Eli about his pest control situation. He says everything’s fine, but I have my doubts.

Side note: Are metal allergies possible? Had to toss that silver crucifix—damn thing gave me hives.

*

Day 40

Confession: I’m worried about Eli.

There was an…incident a few days ago, and I hoped if I mulled it over enough times, it’d start making sense. Wishful thinking.

Was shaving the other morning when Eli barged in. Funny, I didn’t see him coming in my shaving mirror—can those things glitch? Thought that was only Smart Mirrors™️.

He started ranting about how “mirrors are for pussies,” and threw mine out the window??? Incredibly inconsiderate.

He insisted I didn’t need to shave because I’d look hot with a beard. How do you tell if someone’s joke-flirting or actual flirting?

*

Day 45

Have I mentioned Eli’s weird about blood now? Unsure I like it.

Cut myself on some loose board (this castle needs renovation), and he freaked out. Wouldn’t even look at it! Wailed about “blood being too precious to waste” and ran away. Huh.

Townsperson banged on the door today, telling Eli to stop eating people. I opened to tell him that was nonsense, but I noticed he smelled...appetizing? Like a gyro wrap.

He made himself scarce before I could say anything, but…kind of hurtful, honestly. I know I’m a bit gangly, but I’m not that ugly, am I?

*

Day 47

Finally got a wifi signal in here! Only took 4 hours of fiddling to make Eli’s TV work.

We binged Castlevania today. Eli’s favorite character is Dracula, supposedly because he’s “such a badass and is gonna kick the asses of every one of those lame humans.” I think it has more to do with Dracula having a soft spot for a smart, good-hearted human who he goes absolutely batshit avenging, but Eli’d never admit to this.

Side note: Is it hypothetically possible for one’s reflection to gradually grow more and more translucent and dead-looking? Asking for a friend.

*

Day 50

Bad news: Eli ate the mailman today, and I…may have helped.

Walked in on him draining the guy’s blood, and naturally demanded an explanation. Eli said to settle down because “there’s plenty to share!” What an insane suggestion.

But since the mailman was already dead...

In my defense…best AB positive I’ve ever had. Not that I’ve had much. I’ve dabbled a couple times, but who hasn’t?

In better news: Wearing the “amnesia” down! We’ve been reading through the library together, and Eli’s instinctively remembering what kinds of fantasy and sci-fi I like. He remembers me—I FEEL it.

*

Day 60

Okay! Know what’s going on now.

We were reading Buffy comics when Eli clutched his head and started shrieking. Everything came back at once.

After I calmed him down, he spilled everything. Getting involved with a Kung-Fu-practicing vampiric “organization” promising nigh-unlimited badassery. Being taken to Europe, undeadified, and given a blood-only diet…none of which sharpened his memory.

Admitted I’m not inheriting a Greek estate, and I only came to find him. He tearfully told me that’s a shame. He imagined us building a life there. Maybe raising some goats?

Fuck it—if he wants, I’ll make that happen.

*

Day 140

Been a while! Busy, busy!

Surprisingly easy talking “distant family members” into giving us a land plot. Maybe it’s superstition. Maybe it’s healthy fear. Regardless, people don’t like saying no to weird, sharp-toothed out-of-towners.

Made Eli promise he’ll discuss with me before joining any new martial arts-related cults (especially ones that strand him in isolated castles as soon as he “isn’t evil enough”). Now he only feeds every so often! We’ve gone through some neighbors, but it’s an improvement over Transylvania.

Also, our eldest nannygoat gave birth! Eli named the kids Hellraiser, Slayer, and Wrathchild. I love them.

[soracities]

brief primer for the hopeless days, pt. IV

"I felt I should embrace him and tell him not to suffer; that he wasn't alone, that I was his friend and we were living on the same planet, at the same time, in the same country; that now the two of us were in the same park, on the same bench; that human beings should talk to each other, be aware of each other, and love each other; that each man who passes by offers us the chance for companionship and warmth."

Josefina Vicens, The Empty Book (tr. David Lauer)

[James Baldwin & Friends, Istanbul. ph. Sedat Pakay]

"On love: always the great gestures, or that it is incompatible with ambition and individuality. Rarely the small gestures, rarely that these make the other accomplishments possible. A work in progress. A chain of kindnesses fashioned a link at a time. Clumsy effort, but effort nonetheless."

Katie Ward, Girl Reading

Paul Eluard, “Gabriel Péri” tr. Gilbert Brown

[Two old men hand in hand rush for taking place for prayer time in the Yeni Cami mosque in Istanbul. ph. Marco Vacca]

"We find comfort only in another beauty, in others' music, in the poetry of others. Salvation lies with others, though solitude may taste like opium. Other people aren't hell if you glimpse them at dawn, when their brows are clean, rinsed by dreams."

Adam Zagajewski, “Another Beauty”, tr. Clare Cavanagh

"We are sun and moon, dear friend; we are sea and land. It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is: each the other’s opposite and complement."

Hermann Hesse, Narcissus & Goldmund

"Down the road there is an old man who sits in a chair under the porch of his front door to enjoy the sun. He is very old. In fact, he is dying. And because I know this, every time I pass him I pass the time of day with him. I tell him he is getting brown in the sun. Or he asks me about the price of the vegetables in my shopping bag – once he lived in the country – and I answer him at length and with great warmth. Why do I do this? It is a natural reaction. Soon he will die [and] I want him between now and then, and perhaps even at the moment of dying, to have good thoughts, not of me personally, but of the living, of the world he leaves. I want to give him reason for thinking the best possible thoughts."

John Berger, A Painter of Our Time

[waves of handprints dating between 7,300 BC & 700 AD, Cueva de las Manos (Cave of Hands), Santa Cruz, Argentina. ph. Pablo A. Gimenez]

“Something strange happens when people are in a small boat, something that rarely happens with people in a car or an elevator, in a train or even a boat large enough to say that you are on it instead of in it. What they experience is the sense of solitude. There are only a few thin boards keeping them from being totally engulfed by the surrounding deep sea. They are lonely, but it’s not an isolated loneliness, because they feel lonesome together, together with others in the boat. This is why a temporary bond forms between people in a small boat. They only have each other, the deep sea is frightening, and small boats are very fragile. Therefore, each one of them becomes the other’s lifebuoy. If you’re not afraid, then neither am I, so we shouldn’t scare each other, and we ought to be nice to each other as long as the water surrounds us.”

Stig Dagerman, A Moth to a Flame (Burnt Child), tr. Benjamin Mier-Cruz

["The Ride Home", submitted by slyburger13 r/AccidentalRenaissance]

"I tried to focus on something small, the smallest thing I could think of. Someone once made this pew I’m sitting on, I thought. Someone sanded the wood and varnished it. Someone carried it into the church. Someone laid the tiles on the floor, someone fitted the windows. Each brick was placed by human hands, each hinge fitted on each door, every road surface outside, every bulb in every streetlight. And even things built by machines were really built by human beings, who built the machines initially. And human beings themselves, made by other humans, struggling to create happy children and families. Me, all the clothing I wear, all the language I know. Who put me here in this church, thinking these thoughts? Other people, some I know very well and others I have never met. Am I myself, or am I them? Is this me, Frances? No, it is not me. It is the others. Do I sometimes hurt and harm myself, do I abuse the unearned cultural privilege of whiteness, do I take the labor of others for granted, have I sometimes exploited a reductive iteration of gender theory to avoid serious moral engagement, do I have a troubled relationship with my body, yes. Do I want to be free of pain and therefore demand that others also live free of pain, the pain that is mine and therefore also theirs, yes, yes.”

Sally Rooney, Conversations With Friends

[”Pale Blue Dot”: photo of Earth taken by the Voyager 1 space probe]

[anonymous, Jan. 15, 2022]

Alain de Botton, Essays in Love

"A single stranger sleeps next to me and I feel like a whole crowd has come in with him. He hasn’t said anything to me, I haven’t said anything to him, but I feel I have nothing else to say to him, nor to hide from him."

Mihail Sebastian, For Two Thousand Years (tr. Philip Ó Ceallaigh)

[tiktok @ shanrizwan]

Michael Onyebuchi Eze, Intellectual History in Contemporary South Africa

[”A full bottle of wine just rolled out from under a subway seat and now these 2 strangers popped it open & are drinking it. This is peak NYC”, ph. Colleen Hagerty]

"Nobody can claim that humanity is in the process of decay without having observed the same putrid symptoms in himself. Nobody can say that humanity is evil without he himself having been part of evil deeds. There is no such thing as unshackled observation. He who lives is the life-long prisoner of humanity and contributes, willingly or unwillingly, to an increase or decrease of the human inventory of happiness and misfortune, greatness and humiliation, hope and despondence […] the fate of humanity is at stake everywhere and at all times, and the responsibility of one life for another is immeasurable."

Stig Dagerman, "Do We Have Faith in Humankind?"

[devilish-mirage]

Can't Remember to Forget You

Marc Spector x Vigilante!Reader

Warnings; none

Summary; No matter how long time has passed Marc can't seem to forget you and you feel the exact same thing.

Word count; 700+

A/n; I was scrolling through tiktok and stumbled across this trend, I just had to write them.

Masterlist

Marc was out of breath, the thugs were getting more and more out hand. He wasn't supposed to be this exhausted but it was because Khonshu just had to be called by Anubis to the underworld for whatever reason there is.

He didn't understand nor did he want to, the only thing he cared is that when the moon God isn't on earth the suit did not work as efficient as it usually does.

"Marc, Behind you!" Steven voice rings on his ears, he snaps his head and saw someone throw a dagger straight at him, he can only bet his reflexes were quick enough to catch it.

But before it reaches him the dagger was hit by another object, "why do I always find you in these kind of situations?"

There you were, standing confidently with the unconscious bodies littering around your feet, your lips tugged to a smirk. He can feel the world stops when he saw you, looking as pretty as the day he left.

Marc didn't have that much time to adore you before a flash of panic flashed before his eyes.

You missed one bastard, all because he was on the verge of death. The wound that Marc caused him earlier was fatal but he's still strong enough to use a gun, that bastard was a few feet away behind you, with a crazed smirk he point the gun to the back of your head.

"I'm taking you with me."

Marc reached towards you and pulls you into his embrace, flipping your body so that he can flaunt his cape to shield the bullet that targeted you.

"Bastard."

He growled, looking back and throw his crescent darts, hitting straight into that man's forehead. He was frantically breathing, trying to call himself down by taking deep long breaths, not caring on how you both can feel each other's heartbeat because of how close you were.

He then looked into your eyes, his mask unrevealing, showing his face and that beautiful chocolate toned eyes of his.

"You alright?"

You didn't answer him, you were distracted by how he look so worried and partially because you were lost in his eyes, those same eyes that would look at you with so much passion and adoration no matter what you do, the very same eyes that would express his most inner darkest feeling without him saying them because he know you would always feel it by looking at his eyes.

"I'm good, yeah."

He flickered his eyes down to your lips, the same lips that he used to pampered with kisses, that same soft lips that he would kiss passionately after every fight.

The both of you unconsciously leans closer, it was like instinct, like magnets that were attracted to the other end, you were drawn to him as he did to you. Eyes looking back to back from each other's and lips, you parted your lips at him, it drives him insane so he leans closer, basically inhaling each other's breath.

And then you heard the obnoxiously loud sirens coming closer, snapping the both of you from your trance.

"It's this way!" he heard the voices coming closer so he looked back and indeed saw the cops coming closer by the seconds.

"Fuck- we should-" he was cut off when he looked back at you, well, the place you were once in.

"You should really pay more attention to your surroundings, Moon Knight."

The Moonlight shines brightly, Illuminating your figure more as you stands there. You were so damn pretty it's distracting him.

You have successfully slipped from his embrace and dangle the ancient artifact that he was supposed to steal from these guys, with a smirk painting that damned soft lips of yours.

"Give it back." you shake your head, gripping the artifact harder in your hand.

"It was fun, I predict that we'll be seeing each other more in the future."

You bowed at him, head tilting slightly upwards as you hold your stomach with one hand and stretch the other to the side, smiling wildly at him before running away.

"Marc, who was that?" Steven voice pulled him out of his daydream. He cursed under his breath before taking off, leaving the confused cops behind.

"No one important."

Oh, he'll be seeing you more alright. He didn't even realized the smile on his face as he jumped to run after you.

[therealvinelle]

Hi, your metas are super interesting, and even if I really enjoy fanon twilight, it's really cool to read opinions based only on canon too!

So my question is about the sexual orientation of the Cullens, do you think they all straight?

For example i saw someone saying that Edward maybe was demisexual and it left me thinking, so i just wanted to know your opinions about it :)

In short, no.

In alphabetical order:

Alice is with a man, but without getting into the mess that is Alice/Jasper here, I don’t think theirs is a particularly physical relationship. I mean, if Alice wanted to get laid, she could just decide to fuck Jasper, enjoy the vision, and bam. Itch scratched. Thanks, Jazz. Alright, I’ll be serious. Alice and Jasper are with each other because the other represents salvation, not so much because of a personal or physical attraction but because of mysticism. So to me that doesn’t really say much about Alice’s preference. All the same I can’t see Alice having a particular preference, she’s too... Alice. Although it is easier to picture her with women. She is also the second half of the Alice/Bella homoerotic extravaganza, which makes heterosexual Alice even more farfetched to me. So, bisexual or lesbian Alice.

Bella shows clear attraction to women as well as men. She’s attracted to Rosalie, Alice, Edward, and Carlisle. I’ll just give you guys quotes: Of the three boys, one was big — muscled like a serious weight lifter, with dark, curly hair. Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blond. The last was lanky, less bulky, with untidy, bronze-colored hair. He was more boyish than the others, who looked like they could be in college, or even teachers here rather than students. The girls were opposites. The tall one was statuesque. She had a beautiful figure, the kind you saw on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, the kind that made every girl around her take a hit on her self-esteem just by being in the same room. Her hair was golden, gently waving to the middle of her back. The short girl was pixielike, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and pointing in every direction. (Twilight, page 9) This is the Cullens’ introduction. I won’t spend much time on it, just notice the difference between Rosalie and the others. Rosalie is highlighted in a way Alice is not, and Edward is at first glance only the boyish one of the guys. Rosalie was the Cullen whose beauty immediately stood out to Bella. It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful — maybe the perfect blond girl, or the bronze-haired boy. (sic.) Bella has realized by now that Edward’s a grade A hottie, but she’s still torn between him and Rosalie. Bella then gets to know Alice, and they become friends who take showers together(!). Rosalie may be the most attractive Cullen woman, but Alice is the one Bella gets emotionally close to. We get this in New Moon:  UNNATURALLY STILL AND WHITE, WITH LARGE BLACK EYES intent on my face, my visitor waited perfectly motionless in the center of the halt, beautiful beyond imagining.  (...) I locked my arms around her, gasping to inhale as much of the scent of her skin as possible. It wasn't like anything else—not floral or spice, citrus or musk. No perfume in the world could compare. My memory hadn't done it justice. (New Moon, page 191) Bella never thought she’d never see any of the Cullens again, so for her to be hysterical and ecstatic upon seeing her second favorite is not by itself damning. I’m sure she’d be ecstatic to see Emmett too. It’s that fact that she’d missed Alice’s scent that’s interesting. The scent of her skin was something Bella was aware of before they parted. And while it may be tempting to say “it’s because they’re vampires, Bella’s admiring them like she would a work of art!”, Bella never dwells on Esme, Jasper, or Emmett in this way. Jasper and Emmett especially are not admired beyond the introduction of their characters. We never hear about what any of them smell like, nor does Bella remark upon their beauty after waking up a vampire. Carlisle and Edward, by comparison, are men she keeps noticing. Bella finds Carlisle blindingly beautiful when she first sees him as a vampire, and there’s this from New Moon: Though it erased the sting, it reminded me of the gash, and I watched Carlisle's face carefully to distract me from what his hands were doing. His hair gleamed gold in the bright light as he bent over my arm. (New Moon, page 18) There’s thinking someone is pretty, and then there’s gazing lovingly upon their face instead of pain killers. Bella is bisexual.

Carlisle moved in with a very gay man, had a close relationship with him, lived with him for the sake of his company for decades, and only left because of dietary differences. We don’t know for sure whether they actually had an affair or not, but the fact remains that of all the Cullens, Carlisle is the one who is implied to have had a homosexual relationship in canon. He loses his straight card based on that alone. Also gonna link this clip, because I’m Mac listening to Edward talk about how young Carlisle lived with this sexy Mycenaean Greek for a few decades when he was young. Aro is all the santas. Carlisle is bisexual.

Edward... oh boy. His brain is supposedly seventeen, and yet this very interesting thing happens in his relationship with Bella where he never notices her body. Not ever. By body I mean curves. Edward notices Bella’s skin, her frailty, her humanity. He praises her blushes, her doe-like eyes, her warmth, her softness, her swan-like neck, her delicious scent. The feminine aesthetic. He does not once notice her tits. The only tits he is on record noticing belong to Siobhan, and it’s because she has an impossible to ignore rack: She was profoundly female in shape—aggressively, forcefully female. (Midnight Sun, chapter Probability) It’s one thing for him to be old-fashioned and too quintessentially Edward to even think the word “boob”, but in 700+ pages of Midnight Sun there’s just this absence of this seventeen-year-old noticing her curves. More damningly, when seeing Alice’s vision of vampire!Bella, Edward is horrified at the sight of his love cold and hard. He doesn’t describe vampire!Bella by any of the positives, like “flawless”. Edward is attracted to the human, not the woman. What that means for his sexuality... well, I’m going to go ahead and point out that he is very weird about Carlisle, and it’s damning that the personality he projects onto Bella is so similar to Carlisle. I hesitate to apply a label here, but in my own, personal, headcanon we’re veering towards homosexual. Deeeeeeply closeted homosexual.

Emmett is straight. Straightest guy ever to straight.

Esme is pretty clearly taken with Carlisle. Though if she were to feel attracted towards another woman, I imagine she’d have no idea what to make of that, if she even recognized it for what it was. She’s from a very different time and still living in that time, and she continues to be very sheltered. Still, as per my personal headcanon, I see her as straight.

Jasper, who knows. Though if he’s into guys, he has probably gone for it in the past. I suppose I should write a meta on vampires and sexual norms in general, but in short I don’t think they all live monogamously like the Cullens. STDs and pregnancies are unheard of, as is social ostracizing. Vampires are hedonistic, Twilight vampires more so than any other. Which in turn means I don’t think Maria and Jasper were monogamous. A couple, sure, but I don’t think Maria would say “oh noes, I can’t, I’m with Jasper!” if someone she was attracted to made an overture, and same goes for Jasper. So, if Jasper was into guys, then sure. I can see Jasper/Peter happening, or even Charlotte/Jasper/Peter. Jasper is certainly into women, with the possibility of guys as well. And if so, then it’s probably happened.

Rosalie I’m shocked is with a guy in the first place, everything about her screams lesbian. However, she’s clearly into Emmett, so apparently she’s bisexual.

(I’m not including Renesmée in this, since she’s three months old by the time the series conclude.)

This all being said, several of these people are from very different times and wouldn’t have the same concepts of sexuality internalized as we do, so how they’d identify is a very different matter.

[thedamageofherdays]

This week's [23-08-2021 - 29-08-2021] reading log is here! I read a lot again this week and I feel like it's a lovely variety of fics. Most fics are Stucky like usual, but there's at least one other ship. I am constantly amazed by the talent people have in this fandom! There was one fic I read on Tumblr that I can't seem to find unfortunately, but when I do I'll make sure to reblog and rec it 💕

Favourites are marked with a 🌻

When life gives you lemons by moonthejedi394 @moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 40k words, Mature] (12/15 chapters available)

Or 13 Terrible Things to Do With Lemons Other Than Making Lemonade

Steve Rogers is a home health nurse. He works for an agency, which assigned him to the aging Winifred Barnes, the one and only Silent Era Hollywood darling. As her needs increased, she requested the agency assign Steve to her full-time. She could pay for it, so she got it. Steve then moved in with her, becoming her caregiver; he cooked, he cleaned, he managed her medications, he made sure she was comfortable.

Winifred's children treated him less than ideally. He was the help, after all. And then Steve had the audacity to go and turn out to be eldest son James Barnes's soulmate. No one saw that coming.

The Masseur and the Assassin by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy @buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 17k words, Explicit]

Bucky Barnes needed a vacation from his job. What he found was a happy ending.

The Words Breathe by buckbarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

All Steve has to do is keep his promise. When he doesn’t, Bucky gets mouthy.

Soft by this_wayward_life @wayward-lives [Stucky, 2k words, Explicit]

The last time he'd seen Bucky he'd looked unhealthy, with pallid skin and greasy, lanky hair. Now, Bucky shone; his hair was thick and silky, his skin a deep bronze from spending so much time outside. He was softer, too; the hard muscle that used to cover him was now replaced by soft fat, his body still strong, but in a more mundane way. His thighs were thicker, his ass plumper, and when he'd pulled Steve into the river Steve had noticed the pudge on his stomach.

Seeing Bucky so happy, well-fed and shining, was a bit of a kick in the face. For all the years they'd known each other, he'd never seen Bucky so... care-free. Now that Bucky was putting on weight, his middle soft and his body malleable, it sent a bolt of arousal through Steve every time he noticed the curves of Bucky's body.

Or: Bucky put on a bit of weight in Wakanda, and Steve is Not Coping.

🌻 Revive Another Side of Me by dontcallmebree @iamthe-wo-manwhocan [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Steve’s never lived in a world without Bucky, and he’s not living now. It takes them a while, much too long, to get that awaited rest, a little slice of peace after the dust has settled.Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are inseparable, history remembers. But they’re not men of the past quite yet.

🌻 imagine being loved by me by spacebuck @spacebuck [Stucky, 20k words, Explicit]

Just after 1am - a few hours after he posted today’s photo - he hears the tell-tale sound of a twitter message. Bucky grabs his phone, not checking who it’s from as he opens it because it’s probably one of his mutuals yelling at him as per usual. When he actually looks at his phone, though, it’s not Natasha

The ‘verified’ check stares back at him for a long moment before he can even bring himself to process the name on his screen. Steve Rogers is messaging him. Or, he reasons, a very good fake. The handle looks right though, not that Bucky knows. Not that Bucky has Captain’s America’s tweets set up as notifications, or that Bucky’s own display name is set to captain america’s bitch. Not at all.

Hey, the first message says. It’s Steve.

🌻 JB’s Complete Lube Services by dixons_mama @dixons-mama [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]

People just didn’t approach Captain America and proposition him. Although, sometimes Steve wished they would; even the pinnacle of virtue and justice needed to get dicked down from time to time.

Or, the one where Steve has the hots for a mechanic and decides to be proactive in getting that dick.

If it had to be someone by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Bucky had known since he was a child that he didn’t have a choice in who he married, but he’d thought he had more time before the day arrived.

Miscalculations by christywantspizza @christywantspizza [Ransom Drysdale/Reader, 6k words, Explicit]

Ransom tries to get you to sleep with him by less than honorable means. You give him what he wants, just not how he wants it.

How to Seduce a Writer by obsessivereader [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

What's a determined master strategist going to do when the oblivious writer he's trying to woo keeps missing all the clues?

He doesn’t think it’s because he hadn’t signaled his own interest to Bucky. He’s pretty much done everything short of hitting Bucky over the head with semaphore flags by this point. There’s no way Bucky could’ve missed them. Unless… There’d been that one link he’d stumbled upon when he’d googled ‘how to talk to a writer’. It’d been written by a writer, who’d been candid about how oblivious writers could be, and how someone could go about seducing one. An idea starts to form. It’s ridiculous, but at this point, he’s willing to go with ridiculous, since subtle wasn’t getting him anywhere.

🌻 Pod Bless America by Deisderium @deisderium [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

Bucky can't believe his favorite podficcer recorded his newest fanfic AU of the show Commandos. He's even more surprised when the customer who busts him listening to fic while he's working in the office supply store turns out to be that podficcer.

* The guy—maybe bi_shield?—took his phone, looked down at the screen, and smiled. "Yeah, that one's mine," he said with no evidence of embarrassment. "It was a good one." He handed the phone back to Bucky.

"I wrote it," Bucky croaked.

take a bite by wearing_tearing [Stucky, 7k words, Mature]

"I’d never let anyone freeze to death.” Steve gives a big sigh and flutters his lashes. “All that blood gone to waste.”

Bucky’s lips turn down and his nose scrunches up a little. “I want to be grossed out, but…”

“But you get it.” Steve gives him a pointed look. “Vampires aren’t the only ones who can appreciate how juicy blood is.”

*

Or: Vampire Steve saves newly-turned werewolf Bucky from a snowstorm.

Leaving the Shield Behind by BuckyAboveEverything [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

“So, on one hand, we have Steve Rogers - hunk, genius, animal lover. Buys you waffles and overpriced coffee. 100% wholesome all-American boy.”

“And, on the other hand, we have Capsicle – twink, smart-ass, fanboy. Reads your stories and sends you fanart. Possibly a pervert or a serial killer.”

Bucky groaned.

“I am 100% certain I am 0% sure of what to do."

Bucky Barnes, full-time copywriter and free-time fanfic writer, struggles to choose between two equally-attractive suitors, only to find that he doesn’t have to after all.

* Based on a true story *

Cap's Book Corner by Neche [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

Recluse Author Bucky Barns stumbles into fanboy Steve Rogers bookstore one day...

Cat Nap by galwednesday @galwednesday [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

Objectively, losing the Bucharest safehouse and its contents was the least of Bucky’s problems. The balding agent he’d seen directing the raid was apparently affiliated with SHIELD, which was a shadowy government agency that made representatives from other shadowy government agencies suddenly remember urgent appointments when Bucky tried to bribe, threaten, and otherwise shake them down for information on what the hell SHIELD might want with a former brainwashed assassin. Dodging SHIELD should be his number one priority.

Subjectively, he wanted his fucking cat back.

at any given moment by honeypuffed [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

Steve and Bucky find out that everyone thinks they're sleeping together.

Brought to Brightness by eyres [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

Army veteran Bucky Barnes has fallen in love with Steve, a guy he met online a few months after he returned from Afghanistan. Only problem is, he doesn't know Steve's last name or even what he looks like.

When his sister helps him send his story into MTV's Catfish, he's hoping they can help him meet Steve or, at least, let him move on with his life if Steve isn't real. Little does he know, Steve and Captain America have more in common than just a first name.

🌻 Nokken Wood by leveragehunters @leveragehunters [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

When Sam's friend needs a house-sitter for his place in the country, Steve jumps at the chance. Six months rent-free to do nothing but draw and paint and wander the countryside, looking for inspiration? It was like a dream. But when he gets lost in a storm and nearly falls into a pond he starts to rethink the whole like a dream aspect of life in the country. And when a red-eyed, sharp-clawed, silver-fanged creature rises out of the darkness, Steve is one hundred percent certain the dream's morphed into a nightmare.

...until it gives him a cup of tea.

(Inspired partly by this prompt a supernatural creature is supposed to scare you but instead it gives you a cup of tea and a blanket because you're having a bad day and you keep coming back and partly by this painting.)

Professional Pride by galwednesday [Stucky, 700 words, Teen]

Bucky is having a very good day, until he turns around and finds himself face-to-face with Captain America.

“Oh shit,” he blurts before he can stop himself, and Captain America blinks at him. “Hey, hi, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Here, at New York’s Pride parade, surrounded by thousands of happy screaming people wearing rainbows and sometimes not much else. What is he doing here? Is he on guard duty or something? Was he just on a mission and happened to be passing by on his way back?

He’s in uniform but with the cowl loose around his neck, so when he rubs the back of his head it fluffs up his matted hair. “I, uh. I saw one of your–temporary tattoos?” Captain fucking America says, like it’s a question.

The A-bridged Guide to Trolling by galwednesday [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

“I don’t have any money.”

Oh no, now the girl looked upset. Her eyes were huge and her lip was wobbling. Bucky tried to think fast despite the oh shit oh shit oh shit looping through his head.

“That’s okay,” Bucky said gently. “I don’t need money. We can figure out another kind of toll.”

The girl frowned at him. “Like what?”

Bucky scratched his head, trying to think of something a kid was certain to have on hand. “Do you know any jokes?”

(Fantasy AU in which Steve is a hedge witch with a green thumb, Bucky is a bridge troll who's new in town, and knock-knock jokes are a viable form of currency.)

It's a bittersweet ending (if you know what I mean) by relenafanel [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

“I’ll see you around, Steve,” Bucky answers with a smirk, moving away from the counter with a wink.

Steve watches him go. Bucky’s wearing a pair of skinny jeans coated in something to give the appearance of leather. It’s impossible to not watch him go.

stuck on you by wearing_tearing [Stucky, 5k words, Teen]

“Bucky? You don’t look so hot.”

Bucky makes a tiny little sound in the back of his throat, only to start coughing. Of course he doesn’t look hot. He’s sick and he’s dying and Steve obviously isn’t attracted to him.

Decision-Making in Relationships (Paid Research Opportunity!) by castiowl [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

Clint looked thoughtfully at the flyer. “I guess your actual roommate wouldn’t be down with it?”

Bucky frowned. “Have you met Steve Rogers?”

no way out but through by hollimichele [Stucky, 9k words, Teen]

Steve never sees it coming.

you got blood on your hands (and i know it's mine) by nighimpossible [Stucky, 3k words, Teen]

Bucky refuses to see Steve after his deprogramming.

Like What You See by daisymondays [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

For all the time Bucky’s spent fantasizing about meeting Captain America, he’d never imagined it would be while posing nude in front of a drawing class.

🌻 A Real Boy by itsnotbleak [Stucky, 5k words, Teen]

It took the Winter Soldier three weeks to remember that human beings needed to sleep and eat.

It took Steve far too long to realise the Winter Soldier was sleeping in his bed.

Amapola by chaya [Stucky, 830 words, Teen]

Total fluff. Bucky's recovering nicely. Steve's oblivious. Sometimes it's best to set aside subtlety for action.

Knocking Boots With Sugar by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 4k words, Explicit]

In between summers at college, Steve Rogers wants a new adventure beyond his lonely life in Brooklyn. He ends up in West Texas working on a dude ranch where Bucky Barnes is a long-time employee. When Bucky offers to buy Steve a drink, they end up drunk on tequila and making out in public. For the rest of the summer, they're inseparable. As the summer draws to a close, Steve realizes he doesn't want to leave.

Rogers and Associate by roe87 @jro616 [Stucky, 7k words, Teen]

When they first meet, Bucky is a hooker and Steve is a cop. She's been arrested, but Steve lets her off.

Years pass and they maintain a casual friendship, seeing each other out on the streets most nights.

Though he later makes detective, Steve loses faith in the system and quits his job.

He wants to set up as a private investigator, and he asks Bucky if she'd be his assistant.

Just in time by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Bucky knew the apartment he was renting was old fashioned, but walking in the front door and finding himself transported back to 1938 was not on the list of things he had prepared himself for.

🌻 You Like What's in My Head by dontcallmebree [Stucky, 15k words, Explicit] (with art by @kocuria)

Bucky can’t decide if Steve’s a tough nut to crack or incredibly easy. The timbre of his voice, a low and almost amused, “Sure, kid,” when Bucky asks for a drink feels like something gripping him on the back of his neck.

He thinks this might be one of those moments in life he’ll pinpoint in the future and either curse at for dooming himself, or remember fondly with pride.

He’s right. Bucky Barnes blunders through falling in love with Commander Rogers and tries to find a deeper meaning behind the expensive gifts and thorough fucking.

Can I Sit Here? by BuckyFrickenBarnes [Stucky, 962 words, General]

Bucky has unusual methods for getting rid of his writer's block.

Or, Bucky needs that table.

Workplace Romance by BuckyFricken Barnes [Stucky, 1k words, General]

Bucky is under the impression that his boss hates him.

Or,

Steve needs to get better at dealing with his feelings.

🌻 1-800-MAYTAG by Miss Plum @misspluckyplum [Stucky, 1k words, Explicit]

Bucky just wants to get some housework done. It gets out of hand fast. Silly little fluff and smut romp with snarky stucky boys.

Eyes of the Forest by Lordelannette [Stucky, 7k words, Explicit] (2/8 chapters available)

When Omega Bucky Barnes comes to Eagle Lake, it was in search of wolves, a creature that had not been seen in the area for decades.

What he finds instead is Steve Rogers, a handsome, though quiet Alpha who seems to be everywhere in the forest.

[lucyintheskywithxanax]

I Had To Know Pain Before I Could Be Comforted

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x Fem Reader

Requested by @steveyouarelate : “37 (Lie to me. I don’t care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again.) and 50 (I’m sorry I’m not enough for you) (with an happy ending, please) with billie dean x reader”

A/N: there’s a lot of crying and wallowing in self-pity in this one, you’ve been warned. I wanted it to have a tragic ending but you asked for happy, so here you go. I hope you’ll like it <3

Title is a line translated from this song.

Word count: ≈ 3 700

Someone catcalled you from across the street but you didn’t find it in you to care. You had no idea where you were. Night was falling, the cold, crisp air was biting your cheeks and making your whole body shiver. You could barely feel your fingers anymore. Your feet hurt. But the pain and the cold felt good. If you could, you would close your eyes and let yourself sink into it to forget everything else.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. You ignored it. You kept on walking, straight ahead, left around a corner, past an old man sitting on a bench. He said something to you you did not understand. A car honked nearby. Let it. Let it hit you and put an end to your misery.

Your phone buzzed again. “Oh for fuck’s sake, leave me alone,” you muttered. But even as you said it, your hand reached in your pocket for your phone. Your heart swelled with a bubble of hope, that perhaps it would be her, that perhaps her words would be the right ones and they would make everything better. You turned on the screen and read your notifications.

Coming home soon? x

I’m making mackerel in white wine

It was the cold wind that made you tear up, nothing else. Certainly not the image of Billie in the kitchen, dressed in comfy clothes, sipping a glass of expensive white wine, hips swaying to some mellow jazz song as she chopped herbs and vegetables and stirred the sauce. Sassy, brave, confident, and just a little bit reckless Billie. How you adored her. She was everything to you.

Blinking back your tears, you texted her back a few words saying you were going to spend the night at your dad’s. That was a lie, but you really couldn’t face her right now.

And it wasn’t your fault, really. You had never meant to be so messed-up. But Billie – she was the sun, she was the moon and the stars in the sky and beyond, no matter how cliché that sounded, and you… you were lying on the ground covered with dirt. You were nothing. You had not achieved a single good thing in your life. You couldn’t talk to people without making a complete fool of yourself, you had no talent, no beauty, only a boring, dull personality.

You carried that knowledge in your chest like a rock. Most of the time its weight was bearable; but there were days when the rock seemed to expand and expand until it took all the room in your chest. When that happened, nothing could bring you relief. Negativity would cloud your mind. Dark little thoughts would chirp in your ears like birds in the spring. Useless, they would sing. Boring. Worthless, they would sing.

Today was one of those days. You had woken up with a feeling of dread and dejection and it had required all of your strength to get out of bed. Luckily Billie had left for work early; you didn’t want to bother her with your problems and your bad mood. And then things had just gotten worse and worse.

Today you had lost your job. Your boss had warned you several times before: you weren’t as efficient as your co-workers, you didn’t work fast enough, didn’t smile enough. You simply were not enough. So today he had held the front door open for you and slammed it behind you and had not even bothered to hide his satisfied smirk. Since then, you had walked. Roamed the streets, tried to make one with the cold.

Your phone rang. Billie’s name appeared on your screen. You stared at it for a moment before you accepted the call. You knew she may very well drive to your dad’s if you ignored her, and then what? She’d know you had lied to her. Besides, a tiny part of you was still hoping she would know what to say, she would just know, without you having to tell her, and that rock in your chest would turn to dust and flowers would bloom in its place.

“Hi sweetpea,” said Billie. Her voice was cheerful, but you knew her well enough now to hear the tinge of worry in it.

“Hey,” you said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you beforehand. Are you mad?”

There was a soft clang, something metallic being moved. “Of course I’m not. But are you sure you’re alright?”

You closed your eyes and swallowed hard. “I’m fine. My dad just really needs company right now.”

Did she even care? Or was she relieved that you wouldn’t be spending the night together?

“I’m sorry you made dinner for me,” you went on, eyes still shut tight.”I should have warned you, but he –“

“It’s fine, Y/N, really,” Billie cut you off. “We have that wonderful thing called a fridge that I can use to store leftovers.”

A small laugh escaped you.

“But I’ll miss you,” Billie said. She paused, and again you pictured her, her free hand on the counter, fingers drumming, an apron tied around her waist, hair as perfectly done as if she were about to attend a movie premiere. Another small laugh escaped you, affectionate, incredibly sad.

“Me too. I’ll be back tomorrow. Love you.”You hung up before she had time to say it back. You weren’t sure you could hear those words from her right now.

What would she think when you told her you had lost the one thing that still made you a person of value to the world? You couldn’t bear to see the disappointment on her face. She would be kind, of course, and tell you not to worry. Maybe she would even say that she still loved you. But that wouldn’t be true. Billie deserved someone who, like her, had shot for the stars and made it. Someone who shone as bright as she did, someone she could be proud of – not a liability like you.

You walked. When you took a look at your surroundings, you realized you didn’t know that part of the city. It looked like a wealthy residential neighbourhood, big white houses with large porches, impeccably mown lawns. The streets were deserted. You walked.

Spending the night at your dad’s wasn’t even an option. He was too boisterous, too loud. Your best friend would know something was wrong the minute she’d take a look at your face, and then she would ask questions, demand answers you didn’t want to give her. So you kept on walking, dragging around that rock which after so many years had become a part of you. You didn’t even know if you would want to get rid of it. It felt like company now.

A bridge, across a canal. Past the city hall. You reached downtown, busy, wild, buzzing with life. People brushed past you and laughed at each other and talked too loudly. The city watched you roam without offering the least bit of comfort. You had tried to find solace in its streets hundreds of times before, fueled by the naive belief that the city would welcome you with open arms and a kind smile. But the city was indifferent and selfish. The city sneered at the lost souls that wandered the night.

Maybe you could get a hotel room. You stopped in front of the first hotel you found and stared at the door, but soon realized you were incapable of going in. It was as if your legs had frozen, as if some sort of force were pushing you away. So you walked on. Your heart was secretly singing for home.

But you couldn’t go home. You couldn’t do that to Billie. You were a burden to her, and that had to stop. She had too many great things to achieve, a whole future made of gold and diamonds and glorious victories, to be held down by someone like you. So shut up, you ordered your heart. Don’t yearn for something you do not deserve.

You walked. You walked until you were sure your feet were bleeding and every muscle in your legs was screaming in agony. A little past midnight your mind went numb. You walked. At 1am a dog barked at you, at 1:34 a drunk whistled and called for you to come with him. At 2:30 you finally looked up and realized your aching feet had led you back home.

You tried, you really did, to go away. Go back downtown, get a freaking hotel room to spend the night. Your feet led you to the front door, your hand turned the key in the lock. You could sleep on the couch, you told yourself. You could sleep on the couch, and leave at dawn before Billie woke up.

The house was dark and silent. You waited a few seconds, your heart beating fast in your chest, listening for any sound, any indication that Billie was still awake. Nothing. You took off your coat and shoes, and dropped your bag on the floor. You waited a few seconds more. When you had convinced yourself Billie was asleep, you tip-toed all the way to the living-room. The floor was cold under your feet, the walls seemed to be closing in on you in the dark.

You hadn’t eaten since breakfast, but you weren’t sure your stomach could hold food right now. All you wanted was to collapse on the couch and bury your face in the pillows and sleep. Forget that you existed.

Your right foot slammed into a suitcase you had not bothered to put away earlier in the day. A curse escaped you, low and angry, and out of the corner of your eye you saw something stir in the darkness of the living-room. You jumped, raising an arm to defend yourself, and squinted at the shape that straightened and turned, light from outside falling on strawberry blond hair.

Billie reached out to turn on a lamp and grimaced as the bright light blinded her. She raised one hand to shield her eyes, blinking away sleep. There was a red mark on her left cheek, and you quickly realised she had fallen asleep at the table while doing crosswords. She often did that, when she couldn’t sleep. Crosswords helped her focus when her mind was buzzing with too many thoughts.

She met your eyes, blinked again, and then she smiled. You stood frozen as if you had turned into a statue, the mad pumping of your heart the only sign that you were still alive.

You could have tried to make a joke. You could have lied to her again, said you had tucked your dad in and left. Instead, your throat closed up, your heart dropped into your stomach, and to your utter shame and despair you felt your eyes fill with tears.

You were so tired. How so tired of being you.

All you wanted was to sink into Billie’s arms.

For a minute there was only silence. You watched as Billie’s expression turned from surprised to happy to confused. Oh God, what would she think of you? How she would despise you. She would think you were a sad, pitiful creature and she would be right.

You prayed for something, anything, an earthquake, a meteor crash, a tidal wave even though you lived miles from the ocean, that would put an end to your miserable life.

Billie stood up, smoothing one hand over her wrinkled clothes. Only now did you notice that she hadn’t changed from work. Had she been waiting for you this whole time? Your heart tightened in your chest. No, that couldn’t be. She had probably tried to make the best of her one evening of freedom, her one happy evening when she could celebrate your being finally out of her hair.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight,” she said with a small smug smile. She held out one hand as if to touch you and you flinched. She noticed, and her smile wavered.

“Are you alright?”

“I –“ With a shake of your head you took a few steps away from her, your throat thick with tears, and when you shot her a glance her face was blurry but you could still see the damned worry in her eyes –

“Y/N what’s wrong?” she asked, her voice getting higher and shaky as it always did when she was anxious. She walked up to you, but kept enough distance between you and her so as not to make you feel cornered.

“I lost my job.” The words tumbled out without permission. You were so tired. You just wanted to be held. “I got fired because I couldn’t do my job properly.”

Silence.

That was it, then. You had lost her. She was seeing you for who you really were; the veil love had dropped over her eyes was finally being lifted.

You couldn’t look at her, so you closed your eyes and let your tears fall.

“I’m so sorry,” you sobbed, one hand coming up to your chest for it was too tight, it was crushing your heart and it hurt too much. “Billie, I’m so sorry I keep disappointing you.”

A hand, on your arm. A question, barely above a whisper. “Honey, what do you mean?”

A sob pushed out of your throat, loud and painful and so despicable. “I’m sorry I’m not enough for you.”

She let out a noise, a gasp, but to you it sounded like a contemptuous, mocking laugh, a laugh that said, Look at you, pitiful, pitiful little creature.

“Y/N,” she started, but you shook your head. You still couldn’t look at her.

“Listen, I’ll get my things, I understand. Just – let me sleep here tonight. Please. I’ll sleep on the couch, only for tonight, and then I’ll leave I’ll – “

“Y/N what are you talking about?”

You felt her grip on your arm tighten, acrylics digging into your skin.

“Just one more night, please, Billie,” you begged.

“Shut up. Stop talking. You’re not making any sense, honey.”

“I’m so sorry,” you cried.

A hand on your cheek. You almost flinched, almost recoiled, but you managed to stop yourself from doing so. There was no need to hurt her more than you already had.

“Please stop apologizing,” Billie whispered. Why did she sound so broken? “Tell me what to do. What can I do?”

You shook your head again, choked on a sob. Billie’s thumb was gently stroking your cheek, catching your tears and wiping them away.

“Lie to me,” you whispered. “I don’t care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again. Tell me I can be enough for you.” You opened your eyes, then, and looked up at her. And you could have hit yourself, you could have stabbed your chest and ripped off your heart, for her face was coated with tears that dripped down her chin, and her gaze was so terribly sad.

She let out a strangled breath. “Oh, Y/N… come here, come here baby.”

You didn’t even try to fight her. Your body sank into hers like a stone into water. Your hands slid up her back to grab fistfuls of her shirt as you buried your face in her shoulder. She wrapped one arm around your waist and put her other hand on the back of your head, pressing you closer against her. She was being so gentle, so loving, dropping kisses on your temple, murmuring sweet nothings in your ear – it only made you cry harder. Because you were going to lose this, to lose her, and you’d never have the strength nor the will to find that kind of sweet love ever again.

She started humming, a soft tune, as she rocked you like a child and you sobbed and wailed. Her voice was always a little bit raspy when she sang, a little bit out of tune, never quite managing to hit the right notes. Hearing her sing always soothed you. She ran her fingers through your hair, acrylics gently grazing your skull, just the way you liked it, because it always made your skin tingle everywhere.

Damn her, she knew you so well. She knew exactly how to help you calm down, how to make part of that ache in your chest disappear.

Minutes passed. Billie was still humming when you finally felt like you could breathe again. You turned your head, pressed your cheek against her shoulder – her blouse was wet now, you had done that, ruined it as you always ruined everything. You forced yourself to take a deep breath, relishing the smell of her, so precious, so loved – you would have to keep it safely stored in your mind to never forget it. Maybe, on the darkest of nights to come, when everything and everyone would fail to soothe your soul, if you closed your eyes tight enough you would be able to conjure her scent again, and then sleep would finally come.

Billie’s hand slid down the side of your face to cup your cheek. You closed your eyes, counted to three, then pulled away.

Her gaze was still so very sad when you met her eyes, but she managed to offer you a smile. She gracefully wiped a tear that rolled down her cheek.

“Why are you crying?” you frowned.

Billie let out an incredulous laugh. “Did you hear what you said to me?”

There was no reproach in her voice, only sadness, and that felt like a stab to your heart.

“I’m sor –“you started, but she interrupted you with a slender finger on your lips.

“I told you to stop apologizing.” She offered you another shaky smile, but then her brow pushed up in concern. “Did I –“Her voice broke. She swallowed, tried again. “Did I do something to make you feel like you were not enough?”

Did she… what? You weren’t sure you had heard her properly. Had those words really left her mouth, or had they been uttered by a malicious spirit? How could Billie, Billie who was so considerate, so loving, so utterly perfect – how could she think she had done anything wrong?

Her face crumpled as she misinterpreted your silence. “Oh no baby, I’m so s –“she started, but you interrupted her.

“No, Billie, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Your voice was hoarse from crying. You shook your head, biting your lower lip to hold back fresh tears. “You’ve been so good to me. The best thing that ever happened to me. The truth is, you’ve been too good and I don’t… I don’t want to hold you back.” She opened her mouth to protest, but you shook your head again, a silent pleading to let you finish. “Now that I’ve lost my job you’re gonna have to provide for me and I can’t let you do that. I can’t be a burden I can’t –“

Again, a finger on your lips. You fell silent. Something in you disappeared and you felt your body go limp, as if there was no strength left in you.

Billie’s finger gently tapped your lips as she gazed at you thoughtfully.

“I don’t mind providing for you while you look for another job,” she said after a while. Her brow furrowed. “Or maybe you should take a break. Maybe I should, too. We could go somewhere nice and relax for a while.”

“But I –“Another tap on your lips.

“But you –“you tried again, but again she interrupted you. You planted a kiss on her finger in retaliation, and were rewarded with a small smile.

“I couldn’t sleep without you,” Billie said in a low voice. Her eyes met yours, kind and vulnerable. “You’re not a disappointment, Y/N. It’s got to the point I cannot even imagine my future without you.”

You couldn’t help it: you dissolved into tears again. Billie cooed and gently guided your head against her shoulder. You clang to her, hoping you could get rid of your negative thoughts with every sob. It didn’t work like that, you knew it, but when you were in Billie’s arms it almost seemed life could be easy and kind.

You didn’t pull away when your tears subsided. You kept your eyes closed, enjoying Billie’s embrace, her hand running through your hair, her warmth. You felt thoroughly empty now, thoroughly spent. Sleep weighed on your eyelids. You wrapped your arms around Billie’s waist and pulled her closer still, breathed in her scent and let out a sigh.

“What happened?” Billie whispered after a while.

“I told you.” You nuzzled her shoulder. “I lost my job.”

“No, I mean… what happened?”

You got her meaning, somehow, as if your mind were perfectly attuned to hers. You hesitated. Swallowed hard.

“I don’t know,” you said in a breath. “Sometimes it feels like I can never be a viable option for anyone, especially not for you. I know it’s stupid, I know I have no real reasons to feel that way. But I can’t help it.”

Billie hummed. She dropped a kiss on your forehead, warm lips lingering on your skin. “I love you,” she said, voice firm and raspy. She ran one hand up and down your back, nails scratching gently.”And I want you, even when you’re at your lowest and ugliest, even when you don’t have a job.”Her hand slipped over your shoulder, under your chin, titled your head up. She waited for you to meet her eyes. “You’re allowed to not be at your best all the time. That doesn’t make you worthless.”

And as you gazed at her with half lidded eyes, her words sank into you and settled in your chest and bloomed there. Eased the ache. Maybe only for a few hours, maybe only for a few days, but it was all you needed right now. And somehow she had known exactly what to say. And she would know what to say the next time.

You blinked sleepily, and she cooed, smiled a smile that was half fond, half smug. “Do you need to get some shut-eye, my little bear?”

You rolled your eyes at her, but were betrayed by a yawn. Her smile grew into a smirk.

“Shut up,” you muttered, as you buried your face in her chest, nuzzled the exposed skin, and smiled.

[read-watch-listen-17]

GLOW

SPOILERS

You’ve been warned. Sorry this is so long, but the book was 700 pages so 🤷‍♀️

.

Starting from Kaila’s pov. Really? After that ending? Here we go.

Poor Slade :(

Okay so Slade and Ryatt’s dad is a dick. Going back for one last group of Oreans when they don’t even like them and then choosing an Orean to be his wife. I feel like he used her for breeding but I’m also confused as to why if they look down on Oreans so much. He started in Annwyn and was born after the bridge was destroyed so how did he and his brother get to Orea?

Why does Slade age 8 keep scratching at his arms??? Is his power starting to emerge??

The answer is yes. His power was starting to emerge. Safe to say Slade has a protective nature. His poor mama 😭😭😭

Slade: “Wake up and argue with me, Goldfinch” Awww ❤️❤️❤️ My heart. This reminds me of a line from the book/movie The Choice. I love it!

Awww Judd brought Hojat. 😊😊

LOL, Os and Rissa. This is going to be so good. I wonder how long before they’re making out.

Yay, she’s awake!!! 🥳🥳🥳

God, every time he calls her baby it hits my heart hard, and for some reason makes me think of the movie The Choice

I want them to talk so bad, but she should be able to live in avoid it land for a little while, before she goes digging through all that pain again.

LOL she can’t cook. 🤣🤣🤣

Awww Digby. Of course he’d be the one she couldn’t lie to about being fine.

Oh my god, I hope bringing Poppy with her was worth it, because she’s kind of being a bitch to Rissa. I’m loving Rissa and Os though. He put their tents next to each other 🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️

Awww Digby stayed just for her! This book is putting my heart through the ringer.

Slade: “Absolutely fucking not” 😍😍😍

So she’s been able to choose solid gold or flowy gold. I’m starting to wonder if not being able to use it at night is a subconscious choice that she’s unaware of. - I was half right. She can’t gild new things, but she can manipulate what she’s already gilded. Can she remove it at night though? 🤔🤔🤔

Why is Malina so special? I’m still so unclear on her story, but I’m also very curious to figure it out. Why her? She already had a kingdom, but no magic so how can she be the one destined to save Seventh Kingdom? - After finishing the book, now I know. I don’t want to call her a dumbs because I feel a little sorry for her but maybe naive is a better description.

Did Slade somehow tear open a new bridge between worlds? Is that why they call him Rip? Is that how they got there? How he finally got his mother and brother away from their father? Why does Ryatt not want him there? - Okay so confirmed he ripped open a doorway and that’s how they got there, but no one has come through since and no has gone back. 🤔🤔🤔

Damn. The second Elore said 11 years I was like Ryatt isn’t Stanton’s son, he’s Jaks’ and I was right.

Digby: “Don’t speak about my lady in that tone.” Oh damn! Look at Digby channeling Azriel. This line makes me so giddy 😊😊😊💕💕💕

Yay!!! She can control the gold!!!

Okay, I’m on Chapter 44 from Queen Malina’s POV and she’s describing the castle and how she never sees anyone else, but there’s always food, water for a bath, and her bed is always made. This is giving me major she was lured there so she could be sacrificed vibes. I’m hoping that’s not the case, but that’s what I’m feeling. Lets go find out.

Okay, I don’t know exactly how the magic of this world works. What the twins are saying seems possible, but anytime there’s a blood sacrifice and someone says ‘Don’t worry, it’s only a few drops of blood.’ I go on high alert and get super suspicious. Like it feels too much like a coincidence that to restore Seventh Kingdom they need a few drops of blood from a pure Orean royal. Let’s find out if I’m right.

Now the assassin who is supposed to kill her is warning her that things in the castle aren’t right. I’m curious why he doesn’t just kill her. I mean that’s what he’s there for. Why not get it over with? And what are the twins and Pruinn really trying to do? Are they trying to return Seventh Kingdom to glory? Are they trying to reopen the bridge to Annwyn?

They keep saying she’s smart, but every time she’s on the path to getting what she wants it’s like she’s got blinders on to anything that will take that away. I want to feel bad for her, but she’s so focused on getting “what she deserves” that she believes what she’s being told without question.

Oh my goodness. All this talk of tight pants has me thinking about Firefly when Kaylee calls Mal Cap’n Tight Pants 🤣🤣🤣 If you know, you know. 😉

He pinched her ass!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I feel like Queen Kaila and Manu are using the Conflux as an excuse to get Auren and either imprison her or kill her so she can’t “steal” anyone else’s power. I also feel like it’s an excuse to try and get rid of Slade too.

Lol Argo likes cookies, and he let her pet him! 😊❤️

NOOOOO!!!! RISSAAAAAAAA!!!! How are she and Os supposed to get together if she’s DEAD?! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Manu you fucking asshole. I liked you so much to begin with, but now you have to go on the shit list. You also just made the biggest mistake of your life.

Damn! Os took off so fast. Poor Os 😭

Okay, so Rissa is only mostly dead. Way to bury the lead Hojat.

The guard killed her and then slit his throat. That’s the lamest theory. If that was his plan why was he so far away from her?

I really hope Rissa makes it.

Oh, he’s pissed. They’re in so much trouble.

This Second Kingdom Queen is a bit cray cray in my opinion. 😳😳

Poor Slade 😭😭

NOOOOO!!! ARGOOOOOOO!!!! I hope Slade doesn’t rot him or leave him there 😭😭😭

Ummm excuse me? Queen bitch can do what now? She can change what people said with her power? That’s bullshit.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

That was a roller coaster there at the end. I really thought she was going to die. Then I thought Slade was going to get her out. Then he couldn’t get through the shield and I thought he was going to have to watch her die. Then he ripped open the world again and they had to say goodbye for now. Then Slade and Ryatt went to Deadwell only to find out that the people and rip are gone. HOLY FUCK 😳😳😳🤯🤯🤯😵😵😵💀💀💀

Then we’ve got Malina so rapped up in herself that she helps these guys restore the bridge between realms which is good and bad. Bad because it sounds like the Fae want to conquer Orea. Why? Weren’t they the ones who destroyed the bridge in the first place? Good because it means Auren could find her way back or Slade could find his way to her in Annwyn.

You know what we DON’T know though? IF RISSA MADE IT THROUGH SURGERY!! 😡😡😡😭😭😭

I thought this was the last book, but APPARENTLY NOT. I guess there’s supposed to be one or two more books. I don’t know if my heart and feels can take two more books. This one was a lot.

[seostudios]

extraordinary

SEOSTUDIOS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

synopsis. after the king went missing, y/n embarks on a journey to save her father from the kingdom's greatest secret, the fallen prince, who has locked him in his mother’s castle. trading herself in for her father's release, she soon realizes the supposed blood-sucking creature is just an arrogant prince and makes her mission to draw the cold-hearted boy out of his isolation.

pairing. kim doyoung x fem!reader

genre. romance, fantasy, angst, smut

info. prince!doyoung, vampire!doyoung, princess!reader, beauty-and-the-beast!au (with a twist), non-idol!au, medieval!au, prince!ex!jaehyun, brother!jaemin

warnings. mentions of blood and arranged marriage, alcohol, explicit language, unprotected sex, bondage, a really bad sex scene ugh

wc. 5.2k

an. hi happy halloween! i promised ‘angel’ for my halloween special but i feel like wizards were boring for halloween (no hate) but a beauty and the beast au with a vampire twist sounded sexy.. so i hope you enjoyed this romance au there a smut scene but i’m not proud since i have to pee rlly badly and wrote this in a rush (LOL) i hope the cover tricked u! it’s supposed to give a ‘blank’ theme... yk anyways ill try writing more tysm bye i love you all think of this as a halloween special + 700 special mwhamwah

The long curtain that draped over your bay windows had the same orange hue to the morning light, every morning a perfect sunrise. Reminding you of the sleepless nights spent just to get a view of the sun as it illuminated the blue as if it were igniting the most miraculous flame. Throwing the large duvet that once covered your canvas, you quietly tip-toe out of your shared bedroom with fiance and future king, Jaehyun, not trying to wake him yet.

By the time you're finished looking presentable to the outside world, you make your way down towards the kitchen. There was only a week before the wedding, so the castle was a little hectic. Seeing the tailor and his assistance run in an out the front gates, the chefs coming from far and wide to bake you the most flavoursome cake out there. The wedding was a big deal. I mean between merging kingdoms and scoring the most eligible bachelor in the land... It was huge! Jaehyun was known in his kingdom for his selfless actions, but elsewhere, it was his dashing looks. Although he still hasn't managed to swoop in and steal your heart, you had no choice but to let him believe he did so for the sake of your future.

"Princess!" The chef Johnny calls. He noticed you wandering out of your suite after using the restroom and just had to get some small talk done and possibly put in a good word for his close friend about to seal the deal with you. "Oh! Hey Johnny," You greet, flashing him a toothy grin. "It's almost the big day..." He exclaimed. Wow, he seems more excited than me, you think to yourself. "Right. I'm nervous," You confess, your frown now replacing the award-winning smile. Which didn't go unnoticed by Johnny. His eyes, which were once trained on you, shoot up to look behind your shoulder. "Speak of the devil!" He shouted, shooting you a couple glances before running over to Jaehyun, who has just woken up.

Now at the dining table, you and Jaehyun sit accompanied by his parents. "So, Y/N" His mother starts in attempts to spark a conversation. You shot your head up to listen in on what she has to say, "Did you know Jaehyun has an older brother? Doyoung." Silence. You all sat in an awkward stillness, glances between Jaehyun and his father, worried. "No, I didn't. Is he coming to breakfast?" Her cheerful demeanour was quick to shapeshift into a dejected expression. "He moved to Paris to expand his corporation." The hidden truth was that he didn't move at all. He was banished. This tall tale is told all over the lands, but it was just a tall tale about the prince, was it not?

Once upon a time, there lived a dashing prince. His name was Doyoung. Despite having all the money and power in the kingdom, it still felt like there was nothing left for him there if he still lingered in his younger brother's shadow. So the prince ventured off, hoping to find someone who'd appreciate him for himself. That's when he met the great sorcerer, Minyeon, known by only the wicked. She was a sly witch, moving only on the outskirts of the lands. Aching to pounce on any punk in the vicinity. Therefore when she noticed the prince and came to realize his selfish needs, she casts a spell. "You're stuck like this until you find peace eternally. Is being a greedy spoilt brat all you need to be a prince? Maybe you should be more like Jaehyun."  Those were her last words before disappearing into the woods. Doyoung quickly ran back home. Calling every wizard in town to inspect him. He was now cursed to live life as a blood-sucking monster unless he finds this peace. "You know we can't." His mother started. Doyoung's heart tore, hearing the crack in her voice. "I... I know Mother. I'll be quick." He said before finished packing the briefcase full of necessities. "I have a castle." She spits out, handing him a map. "Stay there. I will visit as much as I can," And it was the truth. She visited for the first few months until he started to change. The violent evil nature of a pure vampire, taking its place in Doyoung. That was no longer her son, and she couldn't risk venturing far to walk right into her death. 

And that was Doyoung’s story.

It's been about three years since the incident, and villagers still ponder on whether it's fiction or not, but with the heartbreaking look on Jaehyun's mother's face this morning, I think you got your answer. Acknowledging the elephant in the room, you and your future mother-in-law finish up and head into the fitting room with the tailor, leaving Jaehyun with his father. "He knows-" Jaehyun started, quickly being cut off by his father. "That's why we limited guests on such short notice and doubled the guards. He won't be able to get in." He affirmed before the sound of the chair screeching slowly, and someone sitting was heard. The two look down towards the end of the table. "I won't be able to what?" Doyoung said, throwing his feet on the table. 

死

"I really do think you look magnificent." The designer, Taeyong, chirped adjusting your corset. "Taeyong honey, don't you think that's a little tight? Y/N looks like she's turning blue." Jaehyun's mother jokes. Ever since you've departed from the boys at breakfast, she's been jumpy. Was she expecting someone? "Alright, here we go! Go take a look, princess." Nodding, you make your way to the large mirror. "Oh my! I love it! Thank you so much!" Doing a little twirl, as Jaehyun's mother cheers, showering you in compliments.

“So.. Y/N darling... How are things with Jaehyun?” She asked helping you undress after Taeyong exited. “What do you mean?” You asked curious, what could she mean? “You know this isn’t exactly a love marriage...” She hears a sigh from you. “I mean I like him!” Making sure you let her know that first, you turn away from the mirror to face her, “But not like that, he’s a good friend... Nothing more.” The confession left the still room feel like a ghost town. Jaehyun’s mother hands you a heartwarming smile, assuring you it’s okay. “You know, I think you’d be fit with my eldest son, Doyoung.” Smiling to herself she takes a loose strand of hair and places it behind your hair. “A-Are the rumo-” She nods. They were true, he really was a vampire. “May I ask where he is? Do you visit? How is he? Does he look like the vampires from the books?” All your questions erupt at once, causing her to burst into a fit of laughter. “Well where do I start?!” She says more to herself. “He’s in a castle, past the river banks and through the woods. Safe, hopefully. He’s also quite charming-” 

A knock at the door, grabs both of your attention. "Come in," You said, but something was off. An uneasy feeling turns in the pit of your stomach as the doorknob unwinds to reveal Jaehyun. "You can't be in here! Shoo!" His mother scolded, but Jaehyun raised his hand to silence her. "Y/N, your father."

“He’s what?!” You shout. “Been abducted? By who? He’s on everyone’s good side.” You state clearly. “It’s not his fault. It’s our fault.” He confessed, looking down at the marble tiles of the hushed room. “My brother, Doyoung. Took him.” A gasp is heard from his mother as her hand goes to rest on her chest to feel her heart. “Is Doyoung here?!” She asked. He shook his head. “He showed up and told Dad and I the news but left afterwards. He told me to pass the news over to you.” Jaehyun began to massage his temples, this was really getting to him. “He wants you to meet him at his castle to - discuss - your father's return to his kingdom.” And in a blink of an eye you were gone. Jaehyun’s mother didn’t give you exact directions but you could find out where his castle is. “What are you doing!? Stop her!!” His mother cries, “She doesn’t know what she’s heading into!” Before she was able to run out to you, Jaehyun stops her in her tracks. “This is not our battle, Mother.”

Running into your barn, You mounted Ivy, about to venture off possibly to your death. You were determined though, no matter what; you need your father back. Not for you but for the sake of your kingdom. “Come on girl, we’re gonna save Papa.” Ivy was originally a horse for the knights but it seemed like the two of you had more of a sibling bond than you and your younger brother, Jaemin... Not that you guys hated each other! The river banks were a easy to trot by, the boat passengers and fishers greeting you, and the woods wasn’t as dark and ominous as Jaehyun’s mom put it to sound like. 

There you were. Past the river banks, through the woods and you were led to the front gates of Doyoung’s castle. The castle was more ancient than any bone left in soil. The stone pathway pitted and scarred, looking up you notice it's tall walls, trees surrounded the castle. The large pillars, narrow, round towers dominate the skyline of this massive castle and are connected by enormous, firm walls made of cobblestone. Spooky was an understatement. You dismount Ivy and tie her loosely to an old log. “Stay here girl, I’ll be back with Papa.” Pushing the rusted gates open you throw your cloak over top your head and run towards the large wooden doors. Letting yourself in you examine the large foyer of the castle, it was much smaller than yours back home but the presence it held was bigger than any king to have walked the lands. Your breathing is rapid and shallow, you can feel your pulse pounding in your temples as you cautiously walked up the steps. "Doyoung?" You call out. A muscle twitches involuntarily at the corner of your right eye, after seeing a shadow swiftly move. He knows you're here. "I'm not scared of you." You spoke tenderly, moreso to convince yourself you weren't. Looking down the narrow hallway someone stands, before you were able to walk towards the figure he heads into a door. Now on a wild goose chase after Doyoung you reach a grand hall full of chambers, a dungeon. “Let me out you bastard!” An infuriated voice shouts. It’s your father. “Papa?! Where are you?” You cry running around the zigzag chamber. “Y/N? Over here Y/N!” He shouts once more, why were you here? 

There he was, there they were. Your father was on his knees, gripping the bars calling out for you, but beside him standing tall, he was a slender and well built man with pretty, unturned lip. His pale skin sparkled in the moonlight, his dark eyes matching the night sky above perfectly. Doyoung. Although your heart picked up at his astonishing facial features, you were enraged on why he would abduct your poor father. “Let him go at once!” You demand. He kisses his teeth and dangles a pair of keys above your head. “Only if you stay.” 

“I’ll be fine Papa.” You assure your father at the front gates of the castle. “Take Ivy and head home. I’ll be okay.” You embrace him once more, “But the wedding?!” Your eyebrows furrow. “It’s cancelled, why don’t you get Jaemin to merge with Jaehyun’s little sister, she just came of age and she’s arriving from Thailand tomorrow.” And thus the decision was made. You were now a resident at Doyoung’s, and your wedding was cancelled.

Sitting on the last step of the spiral staircase you watch Doyoung pace around the foyer, speaking to someone in a room. Didn’t he live alone? Getting up to explore the castle you were stopped by Doyoung, he’s quick on his toes. “Let me bring you to your room.” He said, his hand reaching out to you. Charming Slapping his hand you walk past him up the stairs towards whatever room you would make out to be your own. He trails behind you, “Feisty, I-” “I was talking to your mother about you earlier. I’m not dumb, I know it all.” Your began, opening a room door. “I want this room.” You demand, even if you showed him your stubborn side a little, it was fine. He did kidnap your father. Doyoung hums “Okay. Dinner in five” He chimed, before heading back down. The rest of the night was nothing out of the ordinary, other than the awkward glances to one another at dinner. In attempts of sparking something between the two of you Doyoung asks, “Did you enjoy dinner?” At the door frame of your bedroom. “Yeah,” All was well until you saw him begin to unbutton his dress shirt and head into the closet. “W-What do you think are you doing?” You asked frightened. Why was he undressing in your new bedroom. “Getting ready for bed?” “But don’t you have your own room?” You inquire confused. “You picked my room, so we share.” He replied. There were at least over a dozen bedrooms in this castle and you just had to pick his. “No take backs by the way, now get in bed love.” Kissing your teeth you throw on a pair of pyjamas you found in the closet; assuming it was his. Moving to the side of the bed to make a wall of pillows separating the two of you.

死

“It’s been over three months Doyoung.” This was one of those rare occasions you spoke at dinner. “And?” He questions. “I want to go home.” You stood your ground, it’s been over three months, nearing four and it’s safe to say this dinner was the most you’ve both communicated. “You are home,” He replies, taking a bite of his food. “No, it’s not. I sit in this castle reading books and talking to myself, I’m going mad!” You bark. “You traded yourself in for your fathers release, I can’t let you leave.” He always spoke softly but his words never failed to slice through you. 

Doyoung enters his bedroom, while you were downstairs cleaning up. He reaches into the back of his closet, sliding the clothes on the rack to the side, to reveal a mirror. It wasn’t an ordinary mirror, it was a magic mirror, to help Doyoung communicate with his mother without putting herself in danger. “I thought this was the peace I needed to come back.” He said to himself looking at his reflection. “Peace? This isn’t peace Doyoung.” A voice hollered throughout the still room as the mirror illuminated. “I know it isn’t mother, I can’t seem to find it. I’m trying.” The tension grew thick, he was frustrated. “Find peace in her.” She finally said. Just then, the mirror shatters. “Doyoung?” Your soft voice calls from the closet door. His head spins around as he readjusts the clothing. “What time is it?” He questioned, flaring with energy. “About fifteen minutes to eight, why?” This is where you start growing nervous. Although he’s kept to himself you know he yearned for human blood. “Let’s explore.” He grabs ahold of your hand running down to the front yard. “Wear this.” Handing you a coat he intertwines your hands as the two of you exit the premises. 

“Why are you being so weird?!” You roar demanding answers. “I want our friendship to blossom my love.” He spoke, a pang of guilt hitting him. Your cheeks suddenly kissed pink like the spring rose, the blooming colour so bright against your face. Looking forward,avoiding eye contact with Doyoung you tug his hand forward into the wilderness. “On my way here I remember seeing a bench surround with an ethereal setting.” You babble on the way to the destination. “Really? Would love to see it.” Doyoung replied uninterested. This didn’t go unnoticed by you so letting go of his hand you walk ahead. He catches up but doesn’t grab ahold of your hand. “I apologize.” He said, earning a scoff. “I really am, I’m all ears now.” The pleads went on until you reached the bench where you sat down and pulled out a book. “What’s that?” He asked. “A sketch book.” You reply, opening the book to reveal you artwork. “Whoa, Y/N these are amazing.” Astonished he grabs it out of you hand to flip through them, earning a rather adorable giggle from you, which did indeed cause a crack in Doyoung’s ice cold heart.

Your stay increased and the liking you had towards Doyoung has as well. Now there is never a dull moment at dinner, a new routine of late night walks. In all honesty, Doyoung hasn’t been the slightest interested in you up until last night. “Doie! Look at this, I drew you!” You cheer running over to the boy in his study. “Let’s take a look.” He stood in front of you, his eyes that told stories words couldn't, staring into your shiny orbs, piercing through you. He couldn’t help it, with your collar bones exposed with the large tee swallowing you whole.. You looked appetizing. So when his hand came in contact with your nape, leaning down, his mouth hovering over your neck, about to indulge he hears a whimper. “Doyoung..” He looks up to your frightened figure. However, you weren’t scared of him sucking a little blood out of you, just nervous of how close you were. “Doyoung. It’s okay...” You whispered your doe eyes staring right back at him. But he couldn’t, “I’m not a monster.”

These days Doyoung felt vulnerable around you. The once inhuman arrogant cursed prince acting as like another man. His crave and lust for blood sank and he desired something else, something more attainable at his end now; love. Though his love for you blossomed quickly he was insecure and full of doubt when it comes to confessing. The world seems to be on his side when the two love birds are together, fooling around, but once the tension grew his courage flees the scene. Weeks turned into months with this unbearable love for you; he no longer lusts for your friendship, he needs more. 

You sat on the edge of the king sized bed, gazing out the bay window that peered into the land. Stars shining over top the night sky, appearing like magic at each sunset. Sipping onto the last bit of hot chocolate in your mug you change into a silk night dress Doyoung has purchased for you, since he thought you should have a new wardrobe now that you live with him. Back hitting against the soft mattress you wrap yourself in the thick duvet, closing your eyes to think.

My friendship with Doyoung has really come far these past few nights. Just the other night he cooked me breakfast in bed, which was really thoughtful of him. His egoistic personality fading into a tenderhearted man. Under all the layers from his saddening past, becoming a monster from the storybooks, to his prince status. He was a normal guy. I know he wants to flee this wretched castle and run back home, though he fears what he capable of. How he could hurt his people, or worse, his family. The sinister persona taking over him that cut his bond from Jaehyun. Oh But past all this is a man... You love.

The door creaks and you noticed a disheveled Doyoung enter the room. Must have been up in the study racing his minds to wonder, you believe. “Hey you.” You chirp, to sit up on the bed unknowingly a strap falls from your shoulder exposing your collarbone. “Hello Y/N.” The reply was dry and nonchalant about. But all worries ended when he hops into the bed curling up into himself gathering warmth. You don’t know why but your heart skipped a beat when you glanced over at him, catching his stare up at you. You huff playfully before relaxing into the sheets. The two of you could’ve easily split rooms and been on your way but there was an urge for you to stay in his suite. Maybe it was the thirst to find out who he really was, and why his path was this rough... Or it was because ever since you met at the chambers, your heart always raced around him; no matter the occasion. The room was quiet, sitting in a comfortable silence, both of you awake. Should you tell him? Is this too quick? Were you ready? The questions spring around your mind for a couple seconds before being interrupted by a pleasant surprise. 

Doyoung’s hand makes it’s way to reach yours. The ice-cold finger tips, tracing over your hand. Skinship wasn’t rare but it was never making you consider he felt the same way. Intertwining your hands you turn to face him, to notice he was already looking at you. He wants to confess, he will confess. His mouth opens to speak, but quickly silenced with a pair of soft lips crashing onto him. Knowing his difficulty with words, actions seemed to have spoken better than them. His lips were warm and the taste of bourbon stung your tongue gracefully. Doyoung moves his hands from yours to rest on the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him. You two break apart for air, hesitantly looking at one another. Though his eyes told multiple stories, all you felt as of now was lust and desire. Giving yourself up to him, or how people back home would say; popping the cherry. Lips crash together and it felt like you were walking on air. The way your lips connected with his, molding together like they belonged, his mouth was so warm compared to the rest of him. The small tug onto your lips erupting a quiet moan is what gets him started.

死

You awoke to arms barricading around you, keeping your bare body close. The morning light shining through the closed blinds creating a funky pattern on the duvet. Your hands drawing funny little shapes on Doyoung's bare chest. Last night sure was hectic, he's got a lot of stamina for someone who claimed to be tired. Doyoung lets out a whine, “So bright in here..” He groans, covering his face. It took a minute to register what was going on and why you were naked and in his arms, but relaxed when he follows up on what went down last night. He could freely express his love physically and verbally. “Oh my god, I love you.” He says ecstatic. You mumble ‘I love you too’ to him before he goes on yapping, “Mother was right.” He whispers, “She was right. You’re my peace. My key to a happy life.” A soft smile dances on your lips after hearing those words, he truly did love you... But because his mother told him so? “Your mother?” You inquire, but he’s quick to reply. “She told me to find peace in you; at first I doubting her sanity because you were quite annoying-” “Hey!” You slap his chest, however he defends himself. “But I can’t live without your chitter chatter now.” He expressed.

Doyoung combs his hair, you cleansing beside him. “You got tanner honey.” You say pinching his skin lightly. “I did?” His doe eyes looking into the mirror at his skin. Then panic arose, “Quick Y/N! Fetch me some blood.” He says while you blankly stare back at him. “You don’t have any blood.” He grabs your wrist. The veins visible. “I.. I don’t want blood.” A sardonic laugh escapes. “I have an idea” He said patting your head lovingly. What could he have in mind? You hum, signaling him to continue as you dry off. “Let’s get married.” If you saw yourself right now you probably would’ve been convinced that your jaw was touching the ground. Nonetheless, life is a risk. Why not? “Okay.” You replied, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. The once feared blood sucking monster, was now back to being an ordinary prince. “I heard my father didn’t let our poor little sister get married..” He whispers into your lips. “Two weddings have been cancelled, let’s help them out.” Grabbing your hand he leads you towards the east end of his castle. You never ventured out there, quite creepy if I do say so myself. Digging into an old box he pulls out an off the shoulder wedding gown with embroidery on her bodice. Rhinestones and pearl beads were sewn on the gown. "It's beautiful," You gasp in awe. "It was my mother's gown. I want you to wear it now." He said handing it over. “Bring it in hand, let’s get ready there. Our big day is tomorrow isn’t it?” He smirks, taking you in hand to walk down to the foyer. “I called someone for us.” “You did?” Just then, you two hear the neigh of a horse (or two) in the distance approaching. A carriage arrived on time to bring you two home. “I can’t believe we’re going home.” You start. “Does this mean we’re gonna stay there because I’d rather not actually.” The confession was vague but Doyoung knew where you were getting at. The privacy was amazing, and hearing the sound of birds in the early morning instead of villagers was a blessing. “Me too.” He replied, helping you on top of the carriage. 

And off you go.

Once you arrived you were surprised people recognized you, and the prince himself. Whispers and rumours already begun and you’ve barely made it through the main city. “There it is, our chapel.” You joke, pointing towards the castle, earning a little laugh from him. He was no longer a vampire, and it frightened you, was getting you to fall in love with him just to go back to normal his only goal? Or was he truly head over heels for you as you were for him. Many of actions reminded you of how he loved you. “Whoa did you see that? They just let us slip by..” He whispers to you after seeing the guards let you pass by happily. “It’s cause we live here,” You replied all giddy over his childish antics when it came to being home, he was thrilled. He quickly rushed towards the the throne room knowing his parents would be there and you rushed behind after setting the suitcases. “Mother! Father! I’ve come home!” He shouts in the still room. Gasps heard from various maids and guards. “I-I’ve found peace...” He pants. “Peace?” His father questioned, his mother correcting him, “He found love.” Doyoung shares a smile before walking up to the throne, “I’ve been gone for quite awhile, haven’t I?” He snickers before embracing his parents. “Brother?” A voice hollered through the room, follow by whispers. He turned to see his loving siblings. “Jaehyun...” Running towards him his smile fades. “I’m sorry,” The apology was wholehearted, from what Jaehyun knew; Doyoung was a loving brother. But all was false, back then he was a selfish beast, not caring once of who he hurt. Now, he was back and came work up from his mistakes. Jaehyun pulls his elder brother into a hug, as he sobbed quietly into his shoulder. 

The door opens to reveal a princess; you. “You all know Y/N.” Doyoung says, grabbing your hand. At first, you don’t realize Jaehyun there, but he makes himself known. “Yes, I was engaged to her not long ago.” Shivers ran down your spine, how could he be so cold and straightforward. Did he actually love you? The straight brooding face quickly curved into a grin, flashing his dimples. “I’m joking. You two actually look like your in love, Y/N and I looked like brothers.” Laughter erupts within the room everyone catching onto the joke one by one before silencing. Doyoung clears his throat “I will be marrying Princess Y/N and merging our kingdoms into one.” It was nice to see his father smile, it was rare. This was good news and it seems like all is working out for the two of you. “Very well, how does next week sound?” He said, watching you two nod eagerly.

死 

It’s been three hours since your vows have been exchanged, and you are now rocking a stone as large as your pupil on your wedding finger, while slowly being undressed by your husband. “Why is this thing so hard to take off,” He complained right as he gets the hang of it. Your lips molding with one another in perfect harmony. It's a slow process you want to enjoy, but most of all you want to pleasure your new husband. A gasp escapes your mouth feeling Doyoung gently lifts his hands up to palm your clothed core, the gentle rubbing before going underneath the thin material to your glistening folds. He hushed your with kiss going down your torso, til he reached right above your core. In a blink of an eye, you see yourself nude and legs sprawled out with Doyoung’s face between your legs. Licking a stripe between your folds, sucking gently on your clit. “So wet...” He murmurs under his breath, before diving in. If you thought your first time with Doyoung was hectic, you’re in for it tonight. Now hands tied behind your back by your own wedding veil you stuff your head into the pillow, screaming his name. “Oh my god! Oh my god! R-Right there! Harder!” You cry, curling your toes ass he thrusts into your core. Your hair bunched up into Doyoung’s fist, keeping you two steady as he penetrates into you. Coming close to your orgasm you arch your back in anticipation; this doesn’t go unnoticed. Doyoung comes forth, hot breath and groans loud and clear in your ear. Reaching down he finds your bud and rubs harshly onto it, feeling you clench around his length. A squeal leaves your mouth, “I’m cumming!” You cried, digging your face in the pillow. Just when you felt yourself relaxing into the pillow, you feel a hot liquid coat your pink walls and Doyoung pulling out

死

The sound of the kids playing rings in the background as you sip on a cup of coffee your husband, Doyoung brewed earlier this morning. He comes to sit beside you on the abandoned bench in the forest, memories flooding off our many escapes to this very bench as kids. His hand reaches to caress your pregnant belly. “Number three.” He said playfully as you slap his hand away, “His name is Taehyun, not Number three.” He chuckles, “A beautiful name from his beautiful mother.” Doyoung says, gently raking his fingers through your long locks of hair. “I love you so much,” He whispers, bringing his hand to your cheek before kissing the top of your nose. “I love you too I guess,” You shrug, covering your grin with the book you held. “Youjin and Minhyun are still in the garden, shall we go in...” His eyes trail the vicinity, before catching your kids who were sitting in a field of flowers. “Min! Jin! Me and your mother are going to head inside for a snack! Stay close!” He shouts over the kids who just send him a thumbs up. Eagerly, Doyoung stood up grabbing your hand pulling you gently towards the castle. “What a child,” You mumble before heading in.

© seostudios, 2020.

[staringatthesky11]

Some (not really spoilery or in depth) thoughts on Midnight Sun...

Edward. So pompous and dramatic and emo and angst-ridden and all just so gloriously Edward! He’s utterly ridiculous, and for a mind reader he is mind bogglingly imperceptive. I will never see him the way I think SM wants me to. 

LOVED the Alice and Jasper content. So much more clarity on her visions and what she sees and how they work and how they fail! Same for Jasper’s gift and how he is seen by others - whole new insight into him for me and I’m intrigued. Already wanting to be inspired with plots because I’d love to explore this in my writing at some point. Totally did not expect to love those two in this book the way I did.

Esme...ugh. We all know Edward’s her favourite, but seriously? She seemed to revere him to level that was disturbingly creepy in this book. He is not the second coming.

I did appreciate all the flashbacks and Cullen history bits that came into it - I’ve always been here for that. The family, the vampirism, the complex history...it’s always grabbed me more than the romance. 

Rosalie and Emmett....well.

Look, we all know I was never that likely to LIKE it. I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words of fanfic basically saying that when it comes to Rosalie, Edward has it WRONG - I half didn’t even want to read this book because I just wasn’t sure that I wanted 700+ pages of Edward shitting all over my girl. 

And to be fair, there was some good bits. A couple of conversations. She lets go with some good insults. 

But I am definitely left with the same frustrations as always. Rosalie is demonised for the same things that others are praised for. Her focus is Emmett, and whether he is going to be hurt in the whole situation, and Edward is scathing about her selfishness. Never mind that he’s putting everyone else in danger because BELLA’S safety is the only thing HE cares about. Jasper would sacrifice anything to keep Alice safe and that’s honourable, but Rosalie feels that way for Emmett and she’s vilified for it. Rosalie sees so much value in humanity over vampirism that grief over losing it has coloured her whole unlife and she’s viewed as being bitter and a harpy, but Edward values humanity over vampirism so much that he would deny Bella her wish and let her die an old woman before killing himself and he’s the great romantic hero?

I have always been deeply uncomfortable with the anti-sex bent towards Rosalie and Emmett, and that was definitely there in this book. Rosalie and Emmett’s relationship can be obnoxious (and yes, that part I agree with - no one necessarily wants to be around other people’s public displays of affection!) but it is very clear that Edward sees it as somehow lesser, somewhat icky and dirty and distasteful that sex is a big part of the way they are together. (And yet BELLA being physically attracted to him, physically reacting to him, physically WANTING him...that’s different???) Nothing is said about Carlisle/Esme and Alice/Jasper and what they do or don’t get up together physically - we only get told that Rosalie and Emmett do it a lot and Edward finds that repugnant. 

Tangentially related (it’s about sex, but not the good kind) but Edward’s rage and fury about what almost happened to Bella in Port Angeles also plays into this. Bella’s innocence was nearly besmirched and he’s gone berserk, but does he ever actually think that all those things he saw happening to her, all that horror and brutality and violation....Rosalie LIVED it. IT HAPPENED TO HER. No one showed up in a shiny Volvo to rescue her. And she lives with that trauma every single day of her unlife, and Edward gives her no quarter for how that might affect her. 

The relationship of Rosalie with both Emmett and the rest of their family is something else that has always bothered me, and Midnight Sun did not make me feel any better about it. Midnight Sun’s Emmett is a good brother to Edward, but he is also basically presented as a simpleton. All we see of his relationship with Rosalie is him being the long suffering husband putting up with her hysterics and temper. There was even that very telling switch in something Emmett says to Rosalie, where in the leaked version he called her ‘baby’ and in this new version he calls her ‘gorgeous’. It’s a single word, changing it shouldn’t have any real impact, and yet it does. ‘Baby’ in that context is playful, it’s affectionate, it’s personal, it’s loving...and yet we now get ‘gorgeous’, which once again reduces Rosalie to nothing more than her appearance and their relationship back to the superficial.   

And sorry, but you’re not with someone for seventy years because you think they’re hot and good in bed...there HAS to be more to it than that, but Edward doesn’t seem to think so.

Rosalie also goes against the rest of the family a lot in this one, and we see her being the scapegoat. It is repeatedly shown that her feelings, her opinions, her personal agency, all rank FAR below Edward’s in the family hierarchy and everyone supports that disparity. (And yes okay, when her opinion is that murdering a child is a good way forward she probably *should* be the one to give in! But why is Bella watching the family baseball game more important than Rosalie playing in it? Why, when Edward throws the family all into danger and breaks all the rules is ROSALIE the unreasonable one when she points out the potential for harm?) 

It is made abundantly clear by Edward that no one in the family particularly likes Rosalie, that they all just put up with her temper (mostly for Emmett’s sake? Because of Carlisle’s guilt?)...it really seems like they tolerate her being part of the family at best. And for someone whose characterisation has them breathing admiration like air, would that ever be bearable? To spend the vast majority of your time with a family who would be perfectly content without you? I can’t see it. 

Okay, that was more depth than i meant to go into! But what can I say? I have FEELINGS here! 

Oh, and maybe I’m the only one but quite honestly I am digging that pomegranate cover. It is almost nauseating but just the visual of it so perfectly sums up Twilight vampirism for me...this ghastly thread of unavoidably grotesque horror hidden under the veneer of exquisite beauty and civility!

And also because in the medieval Twilight/ New Moon combo rewrite I did, the only time I’ve ever written Edward and Bella, a fucking POMEGRANATE was the central object of my plot! It was the pomegranate that led to the alternate birthday scene (where Jasper tries to kill her) and Edward leaves her and everything unravels in a different way and and and.... 

And when I wrote that I read all this pomegranate symbolism and was like oh yeah, it’s got to be one of those. I didn’t even write any of the symbolism in, it was one of those things that I thought no one except me would ever even think about and yet here I am, and EDWARD FUCKING CULLEN is rambling on about pomegranates and symbolism and how it relates to his life and I feel like a goddess, lmao. 

[dearest-bucky]

Something like love (One Shot)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary:  Sometimes what you’re looking for is already there.

Words: 8.6K

Warnings: sadness, heartbreak then some good ol’ fluff

A/N: This is written for @ussgallifreyfics 700 followers writing challenge. Congrats on your followers darling and thank you so much for letting me join your writing challenge. <3  My prompt was the quote by Aretha Franklin “Sometimes what you’re looking for is already there.” I’m anxious to post it, I feel like I haven’t done justice to my prompt but I gave my best so I really hope you guys will like it.

p.s. I’m sorry @ussgallifreyfics for tagging you again in this, but I had to make a new blog and repost everything here once again. 

Originally posted: March 26, 2020

“You look very handsome Bucky.” She whispered the words with a small smile on her face and he grinned in return, obviously excited.

“I hope everything goes well tonight. It’s almost two months that we’ve been going out and I’m hoping tonight we could -”

“Of course!” She interrupts him, still sporting her sweet smile, but inside her heart was slowly breaking in pieces.

Bucky was her best friend. Only sometimes she wished he wasn’t. Sometimes she wished he was just another man she could maybe let know she liked him. But she couldn’t do that to Bucky.

She knew what he was going to say. But she couldn’t hear him say it out loud.

Bucky had been dating a girl for the past two months. They met in a small diner in Brooklyn, one where he would go often because it reminded him of the old times. She worked there was a waitress and she had seen Bucky going in almost every morning, taking an almost immediate interest on the broody blue-eyed man. And the rest is history.

Now, after almost two months, things between them were going smoothly and Bucky had never been happier around someone. He was hoping after tonight things could progress between him and his girlfriend.

Surely, it was logical. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt y/n to her very soul.

Y/n was seemingly lost in her thoughts when she felt Bucky press a light kiss on her cheek and her breath hitched for a second.

“I gotta go doll, it’s almost seven.”

She only nodded her head and he made a quick exit from the room, leaving y/n behind alone.

As soon as the door closed behind him, she felt her knees fail her and she fell harshly on the floor. Her knees would probably bruise but she didn’t care because at that moment her heart was hurting more than anything else.

She felt the tears stream down her cheeks, the sobs growing heavy and making it difficult for her to breathe.

“Miss y/n, it seems that you are having a panic attack. I’ve notified Dr. Banner to come to your assistance.” The smooth voice of Friday was heard through the erratic beating of her heart and she quickly wiped the tears from her face, trying to collect herself before someone found her in her miserable state of heartbreak.

“It’s okay Fri, I’m okay.” She spoke the words hoarsely and got up on her feet carefully, taking a deep breath and calming herself down.

She patted the hair out of her face and made her way to the door, leaving Bucky’s room for the safety of her own. Just as she was about to reach the corner of the hall that lead to her personal room, Steve called her from behind, making her stop her steps.

She willed herself to take another deep breath and turned around to face the captain.

“Hey, Steve.” Her voice was small but seemingly calm.

He reached her in two other strides and placed a hand on her shoulder. “You okay? Friday said something was wrong.”

His soft, caring voice broke her heart once again. Steve was the most amazing person in the world. Always putting the others before himself, always caring more than he should, always making sure everyone was okay and happy. And y/n hated to worry him.

“Yes.” She spoke, raising her voice a little, making it more believable that she was saying the truth. “Yes, I’m good Steve.”

Her eyes did not meet his as she spoke though, and that was what gave her away. She never looked people in the eyes when she lied and Steve knew that too well. But he didn’t say anything.

“Okay. What are you up to now?”

“I was just going in my room, probably watch a movie or something.”

“We could do that together?” His voice was suggestive when he asked and she couldn’t find it in her to say no to him.

She was tired. She just wanted to be in her room alone and hope to fall asleep to avoid all the hurt and pain in her chest, but Steve was standing in front of her, a hopeful glint in his eyes, coaxing her to say yes to his offer, so that’s exactly what she did.

They chose to watch on the common areas, as it was near the kitchen and the fridge, so it would be easier to have snacks. When they got there, she scrolled down on the Netflix home to find something to watch. They both decided on a comedy movie.

One movie ended and they put another one to play, not wanting to go to sleep just yet.

Y/n was feeling a little better, watching movies took her mind off of Bucky for a while and that’s all she wanted to do. To not think of Bucky and how he was getting lucky tonight with his girlfriend.

She was succeeding in her task until halfway through the second movie Steve’s phone chimed notifying he had a new message. She turned her head towards him while he read the text and quickly typed a reply of his own.

“Who is it?” She couldn’t help the question that slipped, but when Steve answered she wished she hadn’t asked at all.

“Buck, says he’s not coming home tonight.” His reply was short before he turned the attention to the TV again, totally oblivious of how y/n’s face twisted in pain, the pang in her chest making it impossible to stop the unwanted tears from spilling from her eyes.

She tried to wipe them quickly and discreetly with the sleeve of her sweatshirt, but Steve noticed her sad face nonetheless.

He furrowed his brows in confusion and paused the movie, turning his attention to her, worry written on his features.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Y/n was caught like a deer in the headlights by the question. Nobody knew about her feelings for Bucky and she wanted it to remain that way. It wasn’t like it would change anything, only it would gain her pity from her other friends.

“Nothing.” She replied fast, killing her brain to think of a lie to tell to Steve. Anything would be a good excuse, but she came empty handed no matter how much she tried to think of something.

They were watching a silly comedy for fuck’s sake. What could possibly be the reason to cry at the moment?

“Y/n, look at me.” She listened to him and lifted her head slowly to meet Steve’s eyes.

“Now tell me what’s going on?” His voice was calm but determined, as if compelling her to tell nothing but the truth.

And that she did.

She told Steve everything. She told him about her feelings for Bucky, about the pain she was in because there was no way Bucky could reciprocate her love. She bared her heart and soul to the captain and only when she finished speaking Steve wrapped his arms firmly around her and hugged her closely.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart, I had no idea.” He whispered in her hair and she only sighed in his chest, not knowing what to say anymore. She was feeling tired from all the talking and all the crying and she only wanted to rest now.

Steve’s embrace seemed like a good place for that.

He kept playing with her hair softly until he felt her breathing even, he knew she had fallen asleep. Not wanting to wake her up, he waited until he was sure she was deep in sleep until he untangled his arms from her and laid her down on the couch, covering her sleeping form with a blanket and turning the TV off before he left the room.

The next morning when she woke up, y/n felt like every muscle in her body was frozen by sleeping on the hard couch. She wasn’t used to sleeping anywhere else besides her bed.

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and got up on her feet, looking around for anyone else, but the place was empty. Even Steve was nowhere in sight.

She folded the blanket carefully before making her way to her bedroom, only to collide with a huge mass of muscle on the way there. When she picked up her head to see who it was, she was surprised to see Bucky in front of her.

He was sporting a huge grin on his face and she couldn’t help the warmth that spread in her chest in his presence.

“Good morning sleepyhead.” He ruffled her hair and bent his head down to kiss her cheek. He looked so happy, it was almost contagious.

“Morning, Buck.” Her reply was short and composed, y/n was trying her best to not let her hurt show in front of him. She tried to slip away from him and go to her room, but apparently Bucky wasn’t having it.

“Aren’t you going to ask me how my date went?” His voice was light, jovial, but it made her sick in her stomach. She couldn’t help the bitterness that slipped past her lips this time.

“Seeing how you didn’t come home last night, I’d say it went swell, didn’t it?” It was more of a rhetorical question, as she didn’t wait for his answer but walked away quickly, leaving a very confused Bucky behind.

Y/n didn’t want to make him feel bad. After all it wasn’t Bucky’s fault. It wasn’t his fault for having a girlfriend that wasn’t her and it definitely wasn’t his fault for not reciprocating her feelings. She knew she was damaged goods anyway.

With all the trauma from her past, she was convinced she didn’t deserve love, least of all from such a wonderful man as James Barnes.

Maybe her head was spinning, or maybe it was the room. She wasn’t sure anymore. What she was sure of though, was the figure of Bucky closing in more and more with every breath she took.

It burned. The air that got in her lungs burned like molten lava and she couldn’t stop the hurt. However, it all seemed to fade away when he touched her cheek with those cold metal fingers of his. The coolness of the vibranium soothed the pain as if it was magical.

“You’re okay. You’re safe. Keep breathing.” The words were hushed out in her ear like the peaceful rustling of autumn leaves in the wind and she had no other choice but to calm down and keep a steady breathing pattern.

“It’s okay, it’s all over.” His hands were cupping her cheeks and his thumbs were wiping away the tears that were staining her face. “You’re safe now doll, I’m here.”

Eventually she calmed down enough to be able to speak.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up.” Her words came out of her mouth slowly, but calm. Her hands touched his that were still resting on her face and she closed her eyes with a sigh, the feeling of his touch soothing, nourishing her soul with the warmth of sunlight she had missed so much lately.

“You didn’t. I was up anyway.”

She only hummed in response, not daring to open her eyes anymore to look at him. She was scared he would vanish if she did so.

After a few minutes of silence, it was Bucky who spoke again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

That made her open her eyes and shake her head no. She still didn’t say a word though, and Bucky wanted to get her to talk, to be sure she was there with him now, not still lost in her night terrors.

“Okay, what do you want to talk about, then?” There was a lightness in his voice that made her feel better already, but she was still exhausted from her nightmare.

“Let’s lay down again, doll.” His words were soft and careful and she complied without a second thought. He tucked her in and put a piece of hair behind her ear, smiling when she sighed in relief by his touch.

“Can you stay?” She asked in a small voice, timid by the request and afraid of the response she could get. She thought maybe she was stepping over a line there with him and it made her anxious for a second, but his reply came shortly after and eased her erratic heart.

With a sweet smile and a short nod of affirmation, he laid down beside her.

Up until that night, Bucky was just another team member, a co-worker like the rest of them, but that changed when he decided to lay down with her and spend the rest of the night talking about everything that popped in their heads.

When the first rays of sunshine peaked through the linen curtains of her room,  they fell asleep close to one another, worn out from the long sleepless hours of the night but with their minds calm and hearts at peace.

After that night they became inseparable, the best of friends. A special bond was created between them, a bond so tight no one could break, even y/n’s growing feelings for the man.

That’s why she kept her mouth shut all of this time.

Y/n knew Bucky more than anyone else, she knew what made him smile, what made him frown. She knew what triggered his insecurities and his pain. Y/n knew Bucky so well and that is why she never told him of her feelings.

It would crash him. She knew this too.  Because she knew Bucky so well, she knew the best thing to do was keep her feelings to herself and carry on as always, as the best of friends they were. She never wanted to hurt the man she had come to love so much during this whole time, so she only allowed herself to cherish his friendship, totally platonic, even though it was doing nothing but break her heart every time he went out on dates with women that weren’t her.

This time though, he seemed really serious about Allison, and despite the fact that y/n was in great pain, she had to he happy for him. She could never forgive herself if she stood in the way of his happiness.

These were all the thoughts running through her head the whole time, and she felt bad for snapping at Bucky earlier. She decided to take a shower and collect herself before finding him again and apologizing.

It wasn’t long before she entered the kitchen like a whole other person, showered and with a new goal set in her mind.

During the time she was in her room, she prepared herself to act normal around him, after all, nothing had changed. Bucky was still her friend and she wouldn’t lose him, especially not because of those stupid feelings she had been harboring for him lately more than ever.

“Hello y/n.” Vision was the first to spot her when she entered the kitchen and with a smile on her lips she greeted him back, next to him standing Wanda.

Bucky, who was sitting on a stool close to the counter, drinking orange juice straight from the bottle, turned his head to look at her and when their eyes met, her smile got wider, if that was possible.

“Hey doll.” He spoke up, unsure from their earlier encounter, but her smile let him know everything was okay.

“Hi Buck, did you train already?” She asked, just like she always did and Bucky thought maybe her words from earlier were just her being her grumpy sleepy self.

He hummed in response, his eyes following her movements around the kitchen, filling up a cup with hot, just boiled water, to make her daily blueberry tea.

He loved how she worked around the cabinets, bringing out the small packets of blueberry tea and the pot of sugar.

She slipped the tea packet inside the cup and let it rest, meanwhile sitting on the vacant spot next to him, and Bucky loved having her near.

“What are the plans for today?” He asked enthusiastically and y/n couldn’t help but squint her eyes at him.

“Not much.” She dragged her words out. “I have training this afternoon with Steve but that’s it.”

He nodded his head in understanding, but the glint in his eyes told her he had something else in mind. Her suspicion was proved right when he spoke his next words.

“How about you don’t train today?”

Y/n met his eyes briefly, before turning the attention to her cup of tea, stirring the liquid, waiting for him to continue speaking.

“How about you go out for lunch with me and Allison?” His question found her unprepared and she had to swallow the bile that rose in her throat, quickly sipping on her tea, trying to gain a few seconds to gather herself and her thoughts.

“I’m not so sure about that Buck.” She tried to keep her voice steady. She tried so much to keep her stupid beating heart in control while she spoke. Tried to keep her face composed when she answered, to not let him know in how much pain she was.

“Why, c'mon doll. I’m sure Steve won’t say anything for one day.” Bucky was oblivious to her discomfort and it was only making her feel worse. Luckily, in that moment, Steve entered her peripheral vision and they both turned their heads to look at him.

Bucky was the one to speak first. “See, here’s Steve. Hey punk, you wouldn’t mind if y/n missed training today, would you?” His voice was light and Steve smiled at how happy his oldest friend seemed to be, but when he averted his eyes to look at y/n, he was met with her pleading face, discreetly shaking her head a little no, praying Steve would get her silent message.

It seemed that luck was in her side this time, because the Captain shook his head no too, this time in a response to Bucky.

“Sorry Buck, can’t do that. We have an upcoming mission and y/n needs to train on her hand to hand combat. Actually that’s why I came here now, to let her know we’re starting earlier.”

Bucky grunted out of displeasure, while y/n let out a short breath she didn’t know she had been holding until now. She gave Steve a thankful look and a small relieved smile made its way on her lips.

“Okay, I’m up.” She replied, patting Bucky once on his arm and taking her cup of tea with her.

“See you later Buck.” She spoke behind her shoulder and left the kitchen, Steve following behind her.

Only when they were out of the kitchen and she was sure there was no way Bucky could hear them anymore, y/n let out a long sigh and turned to look at Steve. “Thank you for that.”

“Anytime.” Came his short reply. “What happened though? You know training isn’t until later in the afternoon.”

Y/n sipped on her tea and kept walking towards the gym.

“I know. Bucky asked me to go to lunch with him and his girlfriend.” She confessed defeated and they entered the gym.

Steve looked at her sympathetically, his own heart breaking from her pain. After last night, when y/n told him everything, he finally could see everything in a much clearer light. Suddenly everything made sense. But Steve was upset with his best friend for breaking this wonderful girl’s heart. Bucky was too blind to see what was in front of him, who has been there for him for years now and the only one who was hurting was y/n. Steve thought something like this wasn’t fair to anyone, least of all her, who was too sweet and caring for her own good.

It was late that night when y/n heard the knocks on her door. She was laying in bed, a book in her hands, and despite the fact that she wasn’t paying any attention to the words on the pages, having already spent more than half an hour stuck in the same page, she couldn’t find it in herself to close the book and go to sleep.

She was startled by the knocks and turned her head to see the clock on her nightstand. It was almost midnight and she had no idea who it might be this late.

However she called for them to get inside, and she saw none other than Bucky Barnes open the door hesitantly and enter the room with quiet steps.

“What’s up Buck?” She put the book aside and looked at him, waiting for his answer.

“Nothing doll, I just came home and wanted to see if you were asleep.”

It was weird, as if they were two strangers forced to talk to one another.

“I was actually just going to sleep.”

He hummed in understanding.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” She then asked, always trying to make sure he was okay, he was feeling good, always putting his needs first.

He simply nodded and that was enough for her to pat the empty space of her bed in an invitation. He walked to her bed and laid down next to her without a word, sighing when his head hit one of the too many soft pillows she kept around her.

Y/n turned on her side to face him and reached out for his cheek with her left hand, fingertips stroking his cheekbone lightly. He could barely feel her touch, yet it was as soothing as ever.

“Is everything okay Bucky?”

He nodded, not wanting to stop feeling her touch just yet. She continued caressing his skin, just as lightly as before, waiting for him to speak up.

“Yeah doll, I just missed you.” His words were barely a whisper, but y/n was standing so close to him, it was impossible to miss them.

A smile broke through her lips and she closed her eyes to let his words sink in. How she wished he missed her the way she wanted him to miss her.

“Yeah?” She asked as if in disbelief but her smile didn’t falter.

“Yeah” he nodded his head and closed his eyes, relishing in her soft, soft touch.

“Can I sleep here tonight doll?” He asked, hope evident in his tone, and no matter how much y/n wanted to say no to him, she couldn’t.

She knew it wasn’t right. He had a girlfriend that made him happy, and she had those feelings that were becoming more and more difficult to conceal, with each passing day. But with his eyes locked on her face, his small smile blossoming on his lips only for her, she was hopeless. She nodded her head in approval and it was all he needed to get under the covers with her, arms stretching out to grab her body and bring it close to him, her face hiding in the crook of his neck and his nestling in her hair, smelling her strawberry shampoo.

They both fell asleep soon after, the night quiet and peaceful, no nightmares or other disturbances whatsoever.

Bucky knew it wasn’t the smartest thing to do going to y/n’s room while he had a girlfriend who loved him, but lately the nightmares had been disturbing his sleep more often that he’d like to admit and the only person who can help with that is y/n. He feels like he’s using her to get his peaceful rest of the night and that makes him feel disgusted with himself, but then he thinks y/n is his best friend and this is normal for them.

Nothing is going on between them. They are simply two friends who help each other with the nightmares.

Y/n was woken up abruptly by three sharp knocks on her door. She grunted in displeasure and hid her face under the comforter, but that did nothing to help her as the person behind the door, decided to open it and enter in her room without her permission.

“Rise and shine sweet cheeks, urgent mission.” Natasha’s smooth voice was heard under the comforter and she opened her eyes in panic.

Her mind was only screaming one word: Bucky.

Luckily when she looked around, she was alone in her bed, Bucky had seemingly left before she woke up and despite the fact that she was grateful because she was spared from the knowing smirk of Natasha or any sassy remark she would be making if she found Bucky in her bed, y/n still felt bad he had left without saying anything.

She got up quickly and mumbled a sleepy “good morning” to Nat before starting to get ready, moving to her bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth, then putting up her hair in a ponytail.

Once in the common room, her eyes immediately found Bucky, who was standing next to Steve, listening intently to the captain and his instructions.

“Y/n, good morning.” Steve greeted her and she mumbled a ‘morning’ of her own before Steve resumed his explaining again.

It was supposed to be an easy mission.  With most of the team in the field, the only thing they had to do was tear down a few Hydra bases somewhere near Bulgaria and stop those assholes from hurting anyone again, then come back home. It would be ideal if no one got hurt along the way, but with their line of work nothing was sure. They could all try to do their best though.

Weeks have been passing slowly in the compound. Despite the never ending missions, training and everything else that occupied their lives as Avengers, it seemed like the hours were dragging one after the other dangerously slow and it was making y/n anxious.

She had seen everyday less and less of Bucky lately, it seemed like he was always out of the compound, apparently spending time with his girlfriend. Last time they spoke, he told y/n how things between him and Allison were amazing and he seemed genuinely happy. Y/n had no other choice but to be happy for him, too.

While Bucky was busy with his girl, y/n had found herself get everyday more close to Steve. With him being the only one who knew of her feelings for Bucky, it was easy to open up to him. Also Steve was a great listener and he always seemed to have the best advice.

They were together cooking dinner for the whole team. It was a rare occasion for all of them to have dinner together and y/n wanted to make something special for all of them. Steve volunteered to help and she happily accepted.

“Don’t forget to stir the béchamel sauce.” She reminded him and Steve quickly complied, rushing to the saucepan to stir the sauce that was simmering on the stove.

The deep melodious voice of Frank Sinatra was heard through the speakers while they both cooked and a peaceful atmosphere was created around them. But that was about to be ruined right about in that same moment when in the kitchen entered none other than Bucky with a pretty brunette holding his hand.

Y/n stopped in her tracks, forgetting momentarily about the task in hand, her eyes stuck to the joined hands of Bucky and his girlfriend.

Steve was just as surprised to see Bucky there with Allison. His friend seemed to be a little hesitant the last time Steve had asked him to introduce him to his girl. Now he brought her at the compound without telling anyone. His eyes left Bucky to avert quickly to y/n, and Steve felt bad when he saw the evident pain in her eyes.

He wished he could do something, but he was feeling useless, standing there silent, until it was Bucky who decided to speak up.

“Hey, guys. There’s someone I want to introduce you with.” His voice was light and happy and he seemed blind towards the awkwardness Y/n and  Steve were radiating.

Y/n cleared her throat and broke out of her stupor, quickly mustering up a smile to direct to Bucky. She turned off the heat of the stove, cleaned her hands with a paper towel and moved around the counter to meet Bucky and the other girl.

“Hello.” Her tone was polite despite the pang of pain in her chest from the sight in front of her; she had trained herself well for this moment, also sporting an easy smile in her face. “I’m y/n, nice to meet you.” She stretched her hand out for Allison to take, and the other woman did just that, a big smile adorning her sweet features.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, y/n. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Her reply was lively, almost elated and y/n couldn’t hate her even if she wanted to.

Behind her walked Steve who also introduced himself politely.

Bucky was watching the interactions between them contented, sporting a boyish grin on his face.

“Allison is going to stay over for dinner.” He informed and y/n nodded her head, the smile never faltering from her lips. It was like her face was stuck in that smiling pose, her features were frozen and if she tried to change her mimic, her whole face would break.

“Well dinner will be ready shortly.”

“Okay, I’ll give Allie a tour in the meanwhile.” Steve nodded his head and saw Bucky and Allison leave the kitchen, holding hands happily.

When she was sure they were both out of sight and hearing, she turned around and carefully slammed her body to Steve, hiding her face in his chest and sighing heavily.

“I’m sorry. I had no idea they were coming tonight.” He spoke quietly only for her to hear.

Y/n shook her head lightly and returned to the cooking. She knew Bucky had a girlfriend, it was about time he brought her to the compound for everyone to meet. No matter how much it hurt to see, Bucky was happy, Allison made him happy, that’s why all y/n was left to do was accept this and move on.

Soon everyone was gathered around the dinning table and Bucky had introduced his girlfriend to the whole team. She was seemingly shy and sweet and had a cute laugh. Bucky would turn to look at her every now and then and his eyes would shine with adoration, a stupid smile never leaving his face.

“It’s disgusting how sweet Bucky is around you.” Sam teased Allison and she giggled; actually giggled in delight like a schoolgirl.  Bucky rolled his eyes playfully at Sam but the stupid smile was still plastered on his features, like it had been the whole time.

Y/n only sank further down to her chair, trying to make herself disappear. She was mindlessly playing with the food in her plate, not having eaten that much, when she heard her name being called.

“Huh?” She picked her head up to look at the people around the table. She was distracted, seemingly lost.

“I said everything is delicious and lasagna is one of  Allison’s favorite food.” Bucky repeated his apparently previous words and Allison, who was sitting next to him, nodded her head in agreement.

“Oh well..” y/n tried to muster a smile while speaking. “I’m glad you like it.” Not knowing what else to say she turned her attention again to her almost untouched plate, fiddling with the fork in her hand.

A throat cleared discreetly next to her, and y/n turned her head to the left, eyes meeting Wanda’s.

“Are you okay?” The witch asked in a small voice, only for y/n to listen.

Y/n only hummed in response, knowing she couldn’t lie to the sokovian mind-reader and Wanda let it be.

The dinner passed without much excitement, only light chatter around the table and when they were all finished eating, they moved to the common areas, carrying the conversation there.

Y/n stayed behind with the excuse of cleaning up and Allison offered to help. After some polite arguing that she was a guest, it was decided that Bucky would help with the cleaning up and dishes.

When they were left alone at the sink,  y/n washing and Bucky drying the plates, glasses and cutlery in silence, Bucky decided he couldn’t bare the silence anymore.

He nudged her shoulder lightly to gain her attention and she turned her eyes to look at him in a questioning manner.

“You ok?” He asked hesitantly and she only nodded, not trusting her voice to speak up.

“Okay.”

The silence was disturbing. Bucky was feeling weirded out by it, yet y/n seemed unaffected, as if she was happy to not speak to him.

“So…” He broke the silence again, not one to resist the awkwardness. “What’d you think of Allison?”

His question caught her off guard, yet she tried to keep her composure, swallowing lightly before answering to him.

“She seems nice.” Her words were simple, but sincere nonetheless, and Bucky was looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to say more, so y/n did, never one for turning him down.

“She’s sweet and polite.” Her voice was small, but easy. “And very pretty.”

At those last words Bucky smiled sweetly at her. “And what’s most important she seems to make you happy Buck.”

Y/n sighed silently, having finished speaking.

“She does.” Bucky agreed and y/n couldn’t help it but be happy for her best friend, no matter how much she was hurting inside her heart.

The rest of the work was done in silence, until Allison entered the kitchen to look for Bucky. “It’s actually getting late, baby. Will you take me home?” Her voice was smooth and sweet and the way the word baby slipped from her lips, was so natural, y/n could only find herself unwanted among both of them.

She cleared her throat and excused herself, making a quick way to the common room where the rest of the team was. However she didn’t miss Bucky’s next words, spoken with a sweet suggestiveness.

“Or maybe you could sleep here tonight…”

Y/n actually felt her heart break in her chest as she left the kitchen to join the others. It was over for her. She had lost Bucky and every chance of him loving her back, not that there was ever any to begin with.

The weeks passed despite the heartbreak and the pain y/n was feeling. She couldn’t stop the time even if she wanted. In the meantime she had thrown herself in endless missions, never catching a breath, never allowing herself more than one day of rest at the compound.

After that night when Bucky had brought Allison to the compound for the first time, she was there more and more, that is why y/n couldn’t bare to be at the compound anymore. Everywhere she moved Bucky would be there with his girlfriend, kissing or cuddling and it was like rubbing salt in the open wound in her chest.

The best option was to stay out of the compound, and what better way than to throw herself on endless missions, away from Bucky and away from his romance with another woman that wasn’t her.

It was a little after 2 in the morning when she opened the door to her room quietly, entering with slow and tired steps. Not turning on the light, the moonlight filtering through the curtains enough to help her see, Y/n threw the duffel bag on the floor at the corner of the room and headed to her bathroom to take a shower.

Almost 15 minutes later, after thoroughly washing her body and hair, she turned off the water and went back to her bedroom, with only a towel around her body and her hair dripping little droplets of water on the floor. She turned to her closet to take out some clean clothes to wear and was about to remove the towel from her body when she heard a throat clearing behind her back.

Startled, she kept a secure hold to the towel before turning around to meet the source of noise and to say that she was surprised to see Bucky sitting on her bed, is an understatement.

“Bucky, fuck!” She couldn’t help the curse that slipped past her lips. “You scared me!”

He got up and walked slowly towards her. “I’m sorry doll. I didn’t mean to.” He sounded tired, sleepy. She couldn’t place which it was.

“What do you want here? You should be asleep.”

He stopped in front of her, bodies mere centimeters away and his flesh hand moved to touch her cheek lightly. At the contact, her breath hitched and a shudder went down her spine. It had been so long since the last time she had been this close to Bucky, and it was affecting her, not in a good way.

“I heard the shower so I figured you must be back, I just came to check on you.” Now that her eyes were focused on his face, she could make out the dark circles under his eyes. Worry itched at her heart. She couldn’t bear to see him like that.

“Bucky, have you been sleeping well lately?” She asked, concern evident in her voice and Bucky couldn’t help but shake his head affectionately  at her question. She had just come back from a long week mission and she was worried about him. His sweet doll, always taking care of him.

“I’m okay.” He answered, despite it not being the right answer to her question. “Are you ok doll? Are you hurt anywhere?”

She shook her head no and he sighed in relief.

“I missed you.” He spoke quietly after a moment or so and y/n let out a shuddering breath at his words. She was suddenly aware of how exposed she was in front of him and her cheeks heated up in embarrassment.

“I should get dressed.” She whispered, trying to escape the closeness and the heat he was causing in her.

He only nodded and stepped back, moving to sit on her bed again. Clearly, he wasn’t planning to leave anytime soon.

Y/n quickly picked some clothes from her closet and moved back to the bathroom to get dressed. When she returned to the bedroom a few minutes later, she found Bucky laid down on the bed, waiting for her to join him.

She didn’t hesitate to do so, craving the softness of her own bed so badly, his presence was just a bonus at this point.

“What is going on Buck?” She asked him when she laid down beside him. He didn’t speak, just kept staring at her face, as if he was trying to memorize her features under the moonlight.

“You look tired.” She continued speaking when he didn’t. “Is everything okay? Where is Allison?” At the mention of her name, Bucky stiffened and averted his eyes from her face to anywhere else he could only to avoid her questioning look.

Her hand came up to rest on his neck, thumb lightly brushing against his jaw and Bucky let out a long breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Talk to me…” She pleaded, voice low and broken and that seemed to work for him, because he met her eyes again before speaking.

“She’s at her place. I haven’t been sleeping well these last few nights so I asked her to go to hers tonight.” He explained.

It was strange, Bucky knew. For the whole past month, especially the last week when y/n had been on her mission, he had trouble sleeping, nightmares disrupting his rest. He would wake up next to Allison, drenched in sweat and get up from the bed trying not to wake her up. The last night he had a nightmare though, he was thrashing and moving around while living in his sleep the terrors of a past life he was trying so desperately to forget.

Allison stirred awake from all that moving and thrashing and she tried to wake him up, calling his name to bring him out of the nightmare. When he woke up though, he did so with a shout of a name she wished she didn’t hear.

“Y/n!”

His eyes were open in an instant and he was hyperventilating, while Allison was terrified of his state. She tried to calm her beating heart before talking to him again.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was hoarse as he spoke the words. “I’m so sorry.” He kept repeating but didn’t dare go close to her.

When his breathing evened out a little, he got up from the bed and took off his damp shirt.

“Go back to sleep.” He told her. “I’m going to head to the gym.”

He felt bad for lying to her but there was no way Bucky could tell to his girlfriend that he was going to sleep on y/n’s bed. He made his way to her room slowly and when he entered it, he didn’t hesitate to lay down in her bed, immediately his nose picking up her scent on her pillows and sheets.

Bucky let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes, trying to imagine y/n close to him, helping him calm down from the nightmare he had, just like she had done a thousand times before.

Y/n kept stroking his skin gingerly with her fingertips, as if she was scared to hurt him. She couldn’t say anything. She didn’t know what to reply. Bucky nuzzled his face in her hand and closed his eyes.

“I missed you so much.” He repeated his words from earlier and kissed the palm of her hand. With her feather-light caresses he fell asleep shortly after, his breathing evening out and becoming steadier and deeper.

“I missed you too. So much.” She whispered back to him and let the sleep overcome her senses too.

Y/n knew Bucky would be out of her room before she woke up, just like he had done the last time he was there, so she prepared herself for that scenario. However, what she wasn’t prepared for, was waking up the next morning and finding herself trapped in his arms, her back to his chest, his face hidden behind her neck and his arms around her middle.

She felt him stir behind her body and unconsciously tighten his hold on her, mumbling incoherent words on her skin. It rose goosebumps all over her body and she couldn’t help but blush at the thoughts that were entering her mind.

She remembered though, that Bucky was still the man of another woman. Also, he had slept the entire time like a baby, never once stirring in his sleep in displeasure or pain. That made a smile bloom in y/n’s face.

She eased her mind and let herself fall asleep again in the comfort of Bucky’s arms, deciding she would worry about the other things later.

The next time they saw each other, it was a little more than a week later. Allison had returned to the tower a couple of more times, until tonight she decided to spend the night there with Bucky.

However, it all went to shit when he started having a nightmare, a little after midnight. His cries were loud and Allison was startled awake, but she couldn’t do anything to calm him down. She ran out of the room, knocking on the door next to her, calling out for help.

Y/n opened her door, half asleep, but was quickly on alert when she saw Allison scared and tired.

“He’s having another nightmare. Please, you can help him.” Her voice was shaking and y/n felt bad for the poor girl.

Without wasting another second she made a quick walk to Bucky’s room, only to be met with his still sleeping form, thrashing on the bed and crying out in agony.

She ran immediately to his bed. With a calm composure, she placed her hands gently on his shoulders, shaking him lightly and speaking softly to him.

“Bucky, it’s okay. You’re safe. Please, wake up.” Her words were soothing and she kept repeating them, until he woke up with a start, looking frantically around the room until his eyes met her face, half hovering over him.

“Y/n.” His hands found their way to her waist, encircling behind her back and bringing her down on him in a hug.

“It’s okay Bucky, it’s okay. You’re safe now. It’s over.” One of her hands was resting on his chest while the other moved up to his face, moving the hair from his face, then resting on his cheek.

Allison was watching them from the end of the bed. They were both so lost in each other, they had totally forgot about her presence in the room. It all seemed so natural between them, something she could never have with Bucky.

“Doll…” She heard Bucky’s voice call out for y/n and she knew there was no place there for her.

She softly cleared her throat and y/n was the first to turn around to meet her eye, looking embarrassed from the situation. She distanced herself from Bucky and tried getting up from the bed.

“I’m sorry.” She spoke quickly. “He’s awake now. I’m going to leave.”

But Allison only shook her head. She knew what had to be done. “No no, I’m the one who should go.” Her voice was calm and sincere, not an ounce of malice in her tone despite the hurt that was evident in her eyes.

Bucky got up from the bed and looked at her too. At least he had the decency to look somewhat ashamed, but Allison only smiled a sweet smile at him.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t who you needed me to be.” Her words were rushed out before he could say anything. “I wish you both happiness. I truly do.”

With that she was out of the room and also out of their lives.

Y/n who was sitting now on the bed shifted awkwardly in her place.

“Are you okay?” She asked and Bucky could only nod in response. “I’m going back to my room then.” And without waiting for an answer from him, she left his room too, leaving Bucky alone with the aftermath of a nightmare and the weigh of his thoughts.

Allison had left, and rightfully so. Lately more than ever, he noticed he didn’t feel anything for her, at least not what a boyfriend should feel for his girlfriend. It was for the best. He didn’t want to lie to her and keep her hopes up with a failed relationship. She was an amazing woman who deserved so much more than him. He closed his eyes and let out a long breath.

Y/n had also left. Now that was something he really had to think about. Y/n had been present in his nightmares almost every night since they came back to him, and only now could he see maybe that was a way of his unconsciousness warning him to do something about it before he lost her for real.

He didn’t know why though. Y/n was his friend. His best friend. Had been so for years now, so why would he feel the fear of having her slip away from his grasp? Suddenly the realization hit him like a wall of bricks.

It was like a window was opened in a dark room and all the light was finally inside, showing him what he had been missing all this time.

Now he knew why she was the only one who could make him feel happy when he was sad or upset. Why she could soothe his pain with the faintest of touches of her fingers, why she made him feel at peace, day and night. He finally knew what was that nagging feeling he got every time he saw Steve close to her and what were those butterflies in his stomach whenever he was close to her. His eyes fluttered close for a millisecond, allowing himself to absorb all this newfound information, then he got up from his bed quickly, sprinting to her room.

Without even knocking, he opened her door and found her laying down, silently sniffling with he head under the blanket.

When she heard the door open she picked her head up to look at him. “Bucky what are you doing here?” Her voice was hoarse and her eyes were red and puffy from the crying. Bucky hated himself for doing this to her.

He had done it for at least the last 5 months while he was with Allison, and he had done it before when he was an oblivious little shit towards her feelings.

He didn’t answer with words but decided to speak with actions for at least once in his life. He got in the bed with her, laid down beside her and collected her in his arms, cuddling her close to his body.

She picked her head up to meet his eyes. “Bucky?” She spoke his name in barely a whisper and he only looked at her face with adoration.

How could he not see it all this time?

“Y/n.” His voice was smooth, almost dreamy and she couldn’t believe he was there with her.

“Hmm..”

“I love you.”

Those three words were said with the most certainty he could ever possess.

Y/n blinked in disbelief once, twice, before he decided to put her out of her misery and slam his mouth on hers with a passionate kiss.

As their lips molded together as if they were perfectly made for each other, Bucky kept asking himself why he had wasted all this time away from her.

Their kiss grew deeper and he positioned her body on top of his, his hands resting on her waist, just feeling the exposed skin from the high ridden shirt.

When the need for oxygen became too much, they stopped kissing, but neither moved away from the other, foreheads resting against each other. Y/n was still dumbstruck from the kiss, she couldn’t bring herself to mutter out a single word. That’s why Bucky resumed speaking again.

“I’m sorry for everything, for every time I hurt you. Y/n, I know I don’t deserve you but I love you.” He spoke in a breathless manner. “I love you so much and I’ll be damned if I ever let you go.”

When she still didn’t speak, he was starting to grow a little worried. “This is the time you say something doll. Anything would do.”

She finally chuckled in response at his last words and decided to not ruin the moment with any word she might want to say, so she kissed him again. This time it was her who was in control of the kiss and Bucky was left once again breathless when she pulled away from him.

“Huh?” He let out in a short amazed breath.

“Well you were the one who said anything would do.” Y/n spoke up playfully and he pinched playfully at her waist, capturing her lips once again in a heated kiss.

Sure, they had a lot to talk about, but all of that had to wait for tomorrow, because tonight the only plan was to smother one another in kisses that were due forever ago.

[lovecolibri]

“NGL I was hoping for more communication and friends cautiously flirting and less repeating of the tired trope of Malex being mean to each other (stop trying to sell me soulmates that don't even seem to like each other! Stop it!)”

Exactly! You perfectly explained my annoyance. Would love to be proven wrong though :/

Saaaaaaame, nonnie! Same! I WANT the show to prove me wrong and bring back those 2x04 flirty vibes! We have ALL suffered long enough and through things we never should have had to see during season 2. And I recognize that the show is trying to put in the work and do some damage control, but choosing to sideline Malex after all c*rina did to them last season to try and fix other things is...not it for me. I am desperately holding on to Vlamis vibrating at high speeds in every interview, and the fact that he literally showed up on set in Malex merch every day. Like, if nothing else, he is FIGHTING for this ship so I think his excitement is telling.

But at the moment it's frustrating because we are 5 episodes in and haven't even STARTED the friendship journey yet! We get Echo talking about each other every episode, and not that I'd want that storyline with 700 breakups for Malex (again), but still the fact that there is an undercurrent of the other person there in every one of their scenes apart while we are still begging to know if Michael and Alex have even talked during the past year apart at this point in the show is just exhausting. I don't want identical journeys for Malex and Echo, it would be improbable given how different their stories are and how different their reasons for not being together are. But you're telling me we got Alex talking to his BFF about why he stayed in town, and to the brother who stood between his father's gun and Michael just because he knew how important Michael was to Alex, and we got a scene with Michael and said brother AND BFF, and their relationship has not come up a single time?! 5 hours of this season are gone and NO ONE has mentioned anything about Malex (not even Alex and Michael themselves outside their bubble scene), aside from one line from Isobel and a mean-spirited quip from m*ria? It's no wonder we are all frustrated and disappointed! We WANT to see the build up to friends! We WANT to see the slowburn and the flirting, and the longing and the tension that comes from wanting someone you know you can't have, except the audience knows both of them COULD have each other! But instead we are getting the tension of two people still lashing out at each other instead of talking things out. I am BEGGING for a "What is your problem!" type fight where they can both lay things out on the table and maybe end up yelling as they get closer and closer until the tension breaks before they take a step back like the pilot kiss. And I think we could be building to something like that but it's taking FOREEEEEVER and without the show letting us see what they are thinking/feeling through them talking to other characters or nods in their actions like Michael looking longing at that picture of him and Alex in the desert, or Alex cracking his dad in the face with his crutch to find out what he knows about Michael, it just feels like we are getting nowhere. And then we get these emotionally charges scenes out of nowhere and without knowing what the characters are feeling or the intentions behind their words or even how much contact they have had, we don't know how to read the emotions in the scenes which means the emotional beats don't land right.

I just....It's been 84 years, enough with the games and sidelining the 2nd most important relationship on the show for all this other stuff!

[sweetlittlevampire]

I feel so bad.

Like, I wanna say something to my uncle's wife and my cousin, but my uncle passed today, and I kinda wanna wait until tomorrow before I reach out just so everything can settle for a bit.

But also - I don't have my cousin's number anymore, and I really don't wanna talk to her mother if it can be avoided, so I'll have to do it via socmed/text, which is...the height of impersonality. I know that.

The last time someone in our family passed and they were involved, it was my grandmother, ten years ago. I couldn't attend the funeral because I was abroad - I arrived a day after the funeral, having to rely on other people to bring me home because I have no driver's license. My uncle's wife had nothing better to do than to call me a "stone-cold bitch" for it and witch hunt my mother so much that she had an MS flare-up out of stress, so violent that it put her in hospital for six weeks. My dear cousin, who visited my grandma once while she was in the care home, despite her workplace being 15 minutes away - while I visited multiple times every time I was in the country because I lived 700 km away from home at that time - told me that she was "hurt and disappointed by my actions, but would forgive me because I showed goodwill."

So. That's why I never visited because it was impossible to visit my uncle without crossing paths with his wife. That's why I don't know what to say to her, because there IS a valid chance that we will be met with reproaches and blame again, and I don't know if my mother and I can handle that.

(My mum never visited because it's impossible for her to take the steps to their flat. They never visited us, either.)

My uncle was my father's older brother. My grandma's middle child. The quietest of the three. He had severe asthma as a kid and was bullied a lot because of it. He never spoke in school, which brought up concerns with his teachers at home he would only talk with his mama.

As an adult, he was someone who didn't fare well with people who were too loud. He was very funny, and a very gentle soul. He always loved to take care of me and play with me when I was still very little; he often picked me up and drove me home to my parents when I had been at my grandparents' house in the afternoon.

I know that he loved his wife and daughter, but they didn't get on too well, because both his wife and daughter are very loud people who argue in screaming matches, while he always preferred to discuss things in a civil manner. We always used to joke that, temper- and personality-wise, he would have been a better father for me than I was, and my cousin would have worked out better with my father...and it's kind of true.

Now he's gone. I haven't seen him in a decade. He was the last person I ever danced with, at my other cousin's wedding. A tango, which I knew how to dance, while his wife laughed at him for even suggesting they dance and then sulked when he asked me and I agreed to dance with him.

I didn't cry immediately when my grandmother died. I knew she wouldn't be there for much longer, but I still needed time to process it.

I didn't cry when my father died. Didn't cry to this day. Given what he did to my mother and me, I believe that to be understandable, even when the whole family judged us for it.

Now, I find myself on the verge of tears at the loss of my uncle, who was the gentlest creature in the whole family. To be frank, it feels a bit like betrayal towards my grandma, and even towards my father, which is the most absurd thing to come from this.

Maybe I should have visited. Pretty sure I should have. My uncle was always gracious and kind and gentle and funny to me; the fact that his wife, this vitriolic person, would have been there too, shouldn't have kept me from doing so. Maybe they would be right in putting blame on me.

I just really don't know how to react. I keep on overthinking stuff, even worrying about whether I still have anything black to wear - as if that was of any importance now. It's not even sure we'd be able to attend a funeral, with Covid cases rising again. We'll have to wait and see.

I just feel lost. I really don't know what to do.

[terrm9]

Lost

Ethan X Sienna - friendship/mentorship (also mentions of Ethan X MC and Sienna X Danny)

This takes place somewhere through Chapter 18 and the time jump

Warnings: angst, mention of character death, trauma, sexist remark (1)

Words count: 1 700

So I had this idea in my head for a while now and now I decided to write it for two main reasons: 1) I can be okay with the time jump and absence of a date night and pretty much everything EXCEPT the fact that everyone ignores Sienna’s feelings ever since the accident. I mean, we get to help Jackie, we get to help Aurora BUT no diamond scene to help OUR BEST FRIEND Sienna, who lost her dear one? (And I don’t care that they were just ‘almost’ something. I have been an almost something with my now husband for a whole year before we started dating officialy and I would die if something happened to him in that year.

2) I really like to see Ethan as a good mentor. Not just to MC because he has ‘soft spot’ for her. As much as Ethan is irritated with interns and pretty much everyone, I believe that he has it in him to be a good mentor when some of his residents need help

I wrote this for myself actually but I hope someone else might enjoy it too

------- LOST ----------

It was Ethan’s sixth hour of working and, as fulfilling as working at the free clinic was, he was exhausted. Walking through the corridor towards his old office, all he wanted was to have a cup of hot coffee, ten minutes of peace and if he was lucky enough, maybe a moment alone with Chiara.

He missed her. As a mentor, he couldn’t be prouder of how she adjusted to the new situation and how dedicated she was to do as much as she could before Edenbrook’s closing. As a partner, he just wanted to have a nice free weekend with her filled with talking about everything and nothing, cooking for her, watching House, which she loved and he hated, and having undue amount of sex.

Turning around the corner, he stopped in his tracks as he noticed Dr. Trinh storming off one of the patient’s rooms and nearly running into nearest supply closet. He sighed, the scene becoming all too familiar and took a look into the room she just left. An older man was sitting on a bed, gesticulating wildly as he spoke to someone on the phone.

After evaluating situation, Ethan decided to leave the patient alone and follow Sienna into the supply closet instead. However, before he could do so, the door of the closet opened again and without as much as glancing into his direction, Sienna – with her eyes red and puffy, cheeks wet with tears and lips trembling – walked away.

This needs to stop.

He straightened his posture and followed her tracks, finding her at the nurses’ station, talking to Chiara in quiet voice.

Approaching them, he cleared his throat and as both younger doctors raised their heads at the sound, he spoke, his voice firm.

“Dr. Trinh, a word in my office, please.”

Sienna’s eyes widened and she muttered to Chiara: “He is going to kill me. Oh, he is going to chew me out.”

Well, my ex-office. Not that it really matters.

Chiara’s brows furrowed, her eyes travelling from her best friend’s face to the one of her boyfriend. Sure, Ethan was still their attending, but he actually liked Sienna. He wouldn’t chew her out, would he?

Then she realized that when she screwed up, Ethan would give her a hard time, no matter the fact that he would take her for a dinner after that.

“Should I go with you?” she whispered to Sienna, worried about the scene that was about to happen.

Sienna smiled sadly and shook her head, already following Ethan’s steps.

He was already standing behind his desk when she came in, his expression unreadable.

 “Take a seat, Dr. Trinh,” he gestured towards a chair, not taking a seat himself, however.

Sienna sat down, her head hanging low, waiting for the outburst.

“I was about to make myself a cup of coffee. Can I offer you one?” Ethan asked quietly.

She lifted her head up abruptly, not believing the words she just heard and nodded quickly, before Dr. Ramsey would change his mind.

“Is this about me leaving a patient and crying in a supply closet, Dr. Ramsey?” she asked with voice so quiet it could have been a whisper, as he handed her a mug.

“Yes. This is the fifth or sixth time I have seen you walking in or out of a supply closet, crying, Dr. Trinh and I am speaking of a period of last three weeks maybe. What is going on? You know this cannot go on like this anymore.”

Sienna put the mug on a desk and started to play with the hem of her white coat, hoping that Ethan wouldn’t notice the tears streaming down her face again.

“I am sorry, Dr. Ramsey. I know my behavior hasn’t been professional and that leaving a patient like that is unacceptable and I promise to do my best to avoid such situations in the future.”

Ethan sighed, leaning into his chair, tilting his head slightly as he observed the obviously broken form of a tiny doctor in front of him. He avoided these situations as much as he could – Naveen was the one to confront while also comforting. Ethan was the bad cop, always.

But Naveen wasn’t here and Sienna needed a good mentor, badly.

“I asked what is going on. I know you are a professional, Dr. Trinh, so I need an explanation of the situation.”

Sienna was openly crying now, all the awful thoughts running through her head.

“It’s just… this patient, he was so, so rude to me. He walked into free clinic and I knew he needed to be admitted so I’ve had a nurse admit him and as soon as I could, I went to his room to do the tests and all the time, he was telling me to fuck off – he literally used these words – and asked me to get him a real doctor and that I was just a child pretending to know what I am doing and that he would never let me do as much as draw his blood,” she sniffed, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her white coat.

Ethan reached into his pocket and pulled out a nice white cotton handkerchief, handing it to her without saying a word. She nodded thankfully, acknowledging the gesture and after a while decided to go on.

“And you know. Dr. Ramsey, this is not an unknown situation to me. Because I am so tiny and smiling all the time, the patients tend to question my abilities as a doctor. Men, mostly. Sometimes, they have these terrible sexist remarks, I remember one patient telling me that I could take his pain away with my pretty little hands,” she blinked rapidly several times, fighting the tears of disgust.

“I am used to these situations and I believed I could handle them well. The thing is, every time I have had a patient like this and I felt uncomfortable or even unsafe, I would just page Danny with our secret code and he would storm into the room with his ‘badass nurse’ face on and usually that would work. These men respected him more than me, because he was a man too, you know? And I felt safe when he was there with me. But now,” she covered her mouth with her hand as a terrible, broken sound left her, her whole body shaking with sobs.

Ethan stood up from his chair and walked past the desk to kneel down next to her, putting his reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“Now he is gone and every time I deal with a patient that is rude, I am hit with the fact that I will never get to see his badass nurse face again. And I know I should be happy. I should be happy about Chiara being okay and Rafael being okay, and I am, oh God I am so thankful that they are here, alive and well, but still it hurts like hell, not having Danny around. It has been months and I still feel like I can’t breathe every single time I pass that room. And I keep screwing up, again and again. I screwed up with my intern and now he is gone. I screw up with my friends and with my patients and I am trying so hard to go on with my life, because all of my friends can do that, even Chiara can do that, but it’s just all too much now, you know? I just wish I could leave this city for some time and just… do something entirely else for a while. Be someone else.”

Ethan kept staring at Sienna for a long time, realizing for the first time, how much the accident has affected her.

He wouldn’t get through losing Chiara, if she didn’t make it that day. He would rather die with her and it didn’t matter that at the time of the accident, they weren’t official.

So what was the difference with Sienna and Danny? Did it matter that they weren’t official, if they cared about each other deeply?

He stood up again and grabbed his coffee, intending to finish it before they would have to leave his office to work again. There was an idea playing in his head and by pretending to savour every sip of his beverage, he was gaining himself some time to compose the proposition in his head.

Sienna, too, decided to finish the coffee, preparing herself to go back to the room 421 to draw the damn blood.

“You probably haven’t heard about it, Dr. Trinh,” Ethan finally broke the silence that was becoming a little bit too uncomfortable. “But there’s this thing… Dr. Mirani, I mean Baz Mirani, is leaving to Philippines after Edenbrook is closed. He will go with Doctors Without Borders for six months to help at Calicoan Island. If you could see this as an opportunity for you, I could be able to arrange for you to join him as his protégé. Don’t feel pressured into this, please, but knowing Baz, he would be happy for your company and it could help you after all. I am now speaking from personal experience.”

“Your little trip to Amazon, huh?” Sienna couldn’t help but smile a little.

Ethan simply nodded, finishing his coffee. There was no point in telling her that in his case, leaving to Amazon didn’t help his problems at all.

“I will think about it. Thank you, Dr. Ramsey. I should go to see Mr. Lowes, I still need to draw his blood.”

Ethan nodded and grabbed his white coat. “I’ll go with you.”

If Sienna was surprised, she did a good job at hiding it. She just smiled thankfully, the first genuine smile that day.

“And for what it’s worth, if you ever find yourself feeling uncomfortable or unsafe with a patient, you can always page me.”

There was another kind of tears now threating to fall from Sienna’s eyes as he said that. She gulped visibly but instead of thanking him again, she said: “Chiara is really lucky to have you, Dr. Ramsey.”

Ethan smiled at her with the soft, gentle smile she has never thought could be addressed for someone else as Chiara.

“She is also incredibly lucky to have you, Sienna.”