#everything is written out/planned but there are some parts that are ambiguously fucked up and maybe while actually drawing it ill find

[sniflig]

number 1 rule of ratr is to never ask me what my target demographic is. idk man anyone who will read really

[postalduderegretsnothing]

Random yap about the canonical differences between Demon and P1 Dude

I'm tired of people thinking that Demon and P1 Dude are the same entity/personality/have the same moral conduct. I understand how easy it is for misinformation to spread about old indie games. I am not here to attack anyone. I just wanna shed some light on a few things.

There is a reason that P1 Dude's journal entries sound and look completely different from Demon's. P1 Dude was completely detached from reality and believed he was killing monsters to "save humanity", not innocent people. Yes, P1 Dude was a terrified, anxious, traumatized, psychotic man. Meanwhile, Demon was a cold sadist that enjoys killing and spouting off goofy one liners. They have distinctive personalities.

RWS has stated many times that P1 Dude was an average guy that was really going through it before he "went postal". He was not plotting, planning, or scheming to kill a bunch of people. (He is not like Notim from Hatred.) Quite the opposite. He only purchased a Kevlar vest and armed himself at the point he felt his life was in mortal danger.

He lived in a dangerous area of Paradise in which he heard gunshots and screams after dark every night. When he began to feel genuinely threatened, he purchased a singular gun. (This is all in the lore.) The rest of his weapons are found and collected in-game. He did not begin shooting at anyone until the cops literally came barging into his front yard shooting at him first. While that doesn't justify him going on a killing spree, it is the moment that set off his paranoid delusion fully.

We know from the lore that Paradise is a fucked up place filled with dangerous people. There is something genuinely wrong with Paradise that pushed Dude to this point (even if he likely already had a few screws loose in his brain). The real-world threats he was experiencing amplified the delusion that everyone was out to get him. Chronic stress and trauma can make a person become highly psychotic.

The wrong man in the wrong place at the wrong time makes all the terrifying difference. RWS stated he is an "everyman". He is meant to be related to without condoning what he does. The whole idea behind Postal 1 is that this could happen to anyone in the right circumstances. Anyone can develop psychosis if they experience enough stress.

In P1 Dude's journal entries, he repeatedly stated that he was scared and thought people were trying to kill him. He was straight up visually perceiving the people shooting at him as creatures infected with the "hate plague". Many of the loading screens show what people looked like through his eyes. They have heavily distorted, skeletal, and monstrous faces. On the flip side, Demon's journal entries are quite sadistic, playful, and a bit poetic. Demon speaks completely differently from Dude, aside from a few later journal entries when his sanity slips further. It seems like the delusion is worsening at that point and Demon (if real) is possibly taking over further. It is important to note that Dude never speaks in-game. That is all Demon's voice speaking. RWS confirmed this.

According to RWS, no one else can hear this voice but him. It was deliberately left ambiguous as to whether or not this is an actual demon possessing him, or merely part of his psychotic delusion. Nonetheless, P1 Dude completely lacked agency over Demon's thoughts/behavior. Thus, wholeheartedly blaming P1 Dude as if he was somehow aware of what he was doing during his psychosis is straight up nonsense.

You could say he was like a puppet for Demon/his delusions. To say there is no difference between P1 Dude and Demon is to fundamentally misunderstand how this character was written. He did not know what happened until the end of the game when he realized he was attempting to harm children. That's what made him collapse to the ground in shock and horror. Everything I have stated is 100% canon and can be sourced directly from the original Postal 1 manual, in-game lore, canon information in the game files, RWS' social media accounts where they answer fan questions, and old interviews with the original dev team.

This may be a tough pill for some to swallow, but there are people with psychosis so extreme they are 100% lacking in awareness of their own behavior. That is a real thing that happens to people all the time. There's a lot of ableism and misconceptions about how psychosis works in this fandom. Please don't contribute more stigma toward psychotic people, if you can help it.

With all that being said and done:

Do I think what he did is ok? HELL NO!!! I can deeply empathize with a traumatized psychotic man that thought he was “saving humanity” by killing monsters without condoning his actions. So can you. Severe persecutory delusions are no joke! That's a pretty tragic situation to be on either end of. Imagine thinking you were doing something akin to killing off a zombie outbreak…only to realize you committed absolute atrocities. That's peak psychological horror, my dude. That's raw and real as hell to me.

I am not primarily concerned with P1 Dude's overall sense of morality. My focus is on pointing out the clear moral discrepancies/dilemmas that were deliberately written into the lore. These are moral discussions in the context of Dude's delusional perspective. Obviously, from the player's perspective/morals, his delusion is completely fucked and not logical. It is a delusion, after all. Explanations don't and should never equal justifications. I am not focused on if he is good or evil, as I do not believe in that type of thing. My main focus is with understanding the context of his delusional thoughts and actions. I think people are just people. They're all capable of wonderful and terrible things. I am primarily concerned with the canon lore and ableism toward psychotic/delusional people. People do not choose their delusions or control them, period.

-Sincerely, someone who has experienced similar delusions.

Edit: I originally wrote this post when I was sick, sleep deprived, and had a hellish headache. I have since tried to elaborate on several points I feel I did not explain in a nuanced enough way, initially.

I have noticed some people quote the Postal Strategy Guide claiming that P1 Dude shot first. That is a fair concern to bring up. This is slight misinformation on the original writer's part. Even if you do absolutely nothing in the game but stand around, the cops shoot first. Paul did not work at RWS, was not a game dev, and did not write the lore. Misconceptions and errors are very common in game strategy guide books from the 90s and early to mid 2000's.

[grahambaham]

Hi, I'm bored and have decided to share some fics I really like, from multiple fandoms and stuff, in no particular order. Also, these aren't the actual summaries of the fics, just what I remember.

The World's Greatest Undercover Wizard by M_Mint - Tim Drake is going undercover as a fifth year wizard in Hogwarts to gather information on Dumbledore, Harry and the upcoming war.

Dark Matter by mysterycyclone - Peter Parker dies in Avengers Infinity War and wakes up in a Lazarus machine in a different world where he tries to find a way back home.

Literally anything by Bergen - lots of Spider-Man stuff, specifically Irondad but it's not cringey like a lot of them are. Well written and lots of the dry deadpan type of humor which I love.

The Blue Food Project by liketolaugh - Percy Jackson meets the characters of the Daredevil show and then later on the Avengers and becomes part of the team. Theyhelp him out with the Great Prophecy stuff and the Battle of Manhattan. Incredible writing, awesome plot, just love it. It's also Percabeth obviously.

Falling For You by 1967HogwartsGoddes - Percy saves Annabeth from falling into Tartarus but he couldn't save himself. So Percy's alone and Annabeth isn't there when he gets some morally ambiguous ideas. Dark Percy, Percabeth, lots of violence and bloodbending.

Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey by sobsicles - Voldemort succeeds in possessing Harry in the Department of Mysteries at the end of the fifth book and he starts to realize that not everything is always black and white. Morally grey Harry, Drarry but it's not the main focus of the story, Voldemort is still evil but you won't be able to hate him anyway, bizarre I know.

Peter the Pizza Guy by Irisen - Strange sends Peter to another universe instead of erasing everyone's memories of him. He arrives in Gotham and picks up a pizza delivery job.

Three's Family by darkbluedark - Harry and Draco are accidentally sent back in time to 1979 during their fight in the Room of Requirement in the last book and are found and interrogated by the order, specifically James Potter, Sirius Black and Albus Dumbledore. Harry and Draco spent most of their 'captivity' bickering and the rest being suspicious of the people they know to be dead. Not Drarry, one of the funniest fics I've read and there's a good sequel too.

While Mighty Oaks Do Fall by WitchofEndor - Ozai sends Zuko to work in the Fire Nation temple and Zuko becomes a Fire Sage and uses knowledge learnt there to fuck up Ozai's plans while travelling with the Avatar. Sokka/Zuko, one of my favorite ATLA fics.

Mountains and Badgermolehills by Glass_Onion - Zhao captures Zuko after he breaks Aang out of the Pohuai Stronghold for treason and while captured, he meets another prisoner, our very own Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe.

That's it I guess. But these are all some of my all time favorite's. Most of them are pretty long but the time traveling hp one is a one-shot. Hope you enjoy!

[flightfoot]

ML Fanfic recs for 2023: 2K - 5K Words

So I’ve been going through and adding particularly good fics I’ve read throughout the year. Only Complete fics, of course. Enjoy!

An uncaffeinated Marinette makes for an easily misunderstood Marinette.

Luka’s a ghost. Naturally, he does some haunting. He didn’t expect to fall in love along the way.

Nathaniel keeps trying to confess his feelings to Ivan. Marc keeps trying to sabotage those attempts in order to confess his own feelings. Why does it seem like things never go right?

Cat Walker’s under orders to fight Ladybug. That doesn’t stop Adrien from helping his girlfriend.

Zoe and Kagami discuss the intricacies of relationships while being mildly inconvenienced by zombies.

Kagami awakens to find herself in a house with a zombie. This is less of a problem than you might think.

Sabine keeps having nightmares about Ladybug and Chat Noir killing Marinette. She has some basis to worry.

All this and more below the break!

---

They fill you with the faults they had. And add some extra, just for you by @unecoccinellenoire 

The thing is, Adrien Agreste isn’t a sentimonster. That’s the problem.

It’s left ambiguous exactly what’s happening, but... instead of the characters who’re canonically sentis being controlled, it looks like another method’s been used to keep them under their parents thumb. Basically, that what we thought were the kids amoks’ were actually used to brainwash more generally. Which leads to some complicated ethical questions for Adrien, since he now holds the rings. Especially since he can now use the rings on others the way they were used on him. 

---

what if we got married in the park by my house in the middle of the school year by @wooawi

Marinette comes up with an ingenious plan to take Adrien away from Gabriel's garbage parenting.

This was just fun. Of course Marinette’s immediate plan to get Adrien away from his garbage family is to make him part of her own. It’s hilarious and adorable and Adrien rocks the wedding dress!

---

Slip of the Tongue (And Not Enough Caffiene) by That_WildChild

Marinette is tired. Marinette is also uncaffeinated. This is not a good combination.

A sleepy Marinette accidentally suggests that she shares her bed with Ladybug. At least she's protecting her identity?

Pure Crack.

Ah, sweet, sweet crack! I giggled during the story. Marinette is “fucking Ladybug” indeed. At least her classmates are supportive! 

---

See This Chance by @19thsentry-blog

Luka died in 2016. Yep. Crushed by the Arc de Triumph when Mayura’s Robustus slammed into it. It was kind of a big deal, but once you’re dead, you’re dead—especially when there’s no Lucky Charm to bring you back.

Luka’s been dealing with it in the typical ways.

Written for FeLuka week 2023.

Yes, this is FeLuka. Not one of the typical ships I read, but I ain’t opposed to it, and this is a nice foray into the pairing. I love ghost AUs! Luka’s just fumbling around, unsure what to do with his incorporeal existence, until he starts haunting Felix. It’s an intriguing plot and I gotta admit, I wish it was longer so it could be fleshed out more, but what’s here is good.

---

Confession Plans of Questionable Sanity by yellow14

Nathanael Kurtzberg has a confession to make. He's in love with his big classmate Ivan. With the help of Marc, Marinette, Adrien and Nino, he's going to confess, using increasingly complicated schemes.

Marc meanwhile, is busy coming up with even more complicated schemes to sabotage those schemes so he can confess HIS feelings for his redheaded friend.

Nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with this, right?

Written for the March 2023 gift exchange on the Miraculous Fanworks Discord forum for CassieTheweirdWolf.

This fic’s just really funny. These kids love to make things waaaaay harder than they need to be. But hey, everything ends up working out in the end, even if it’s not the way they planned!

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at our wedding by @anna-scribbles

“Chloé,” Adrien said slowly, “At our wedding, are we gonna have to…”

“No!” Chloé shook her head firmly. “We don’t have to kiss. We can do whatever we want. It’s our wedding.”

“Oh, good,” Adrien sighed.

“You have to kiss at a wedding,” Félix argued.

“I don’t have to do anything and you’re not the boss of me!” Chloé shouted.

“Yeah!” Adrien grinned. He grabbed Chloé’s hand again. “Yeah, it’s our wedding.”

//

Adrien and Chloé, wedding planning through the years.

Despite what the summary sounds like, this is NOT a Chloe/Adrien fic - this concentrates on their platonic relationship (and a bit with Felix, he shows up a few times) throughout the years. I especially liked seeing Chloe’s reaction to Adrien coming to school and making friends besides her, being jealous and feeling abandoned, and how she finally had a breakdown over Adrien somehow staying nice despite everything, while she... hasn’t. It’s a great character study!

---

Showing Love by @generalluxun

After the fiasco of Queen Wasp is over, Marinette knows what she had to do. If she just brings Chloé and her mother together, all will be fixed. A mother's love is just the thing to turn Chloé around, and it all must really just be a misunderstanding right?

Nothing else makes sense.

Marinette's mistake was forgetting that life never has to make sense, but she's Ladybug, and when one path closes she finds another.

I love Marinette really comprehending how little Audrey cares about Chloe here, and taking Chloe home with her to show her what a family should be like, reaching out to her even after everything. It’s just really nice.

---

the legend of the firefly by @agnes-writes

“She’s… beautiful.

If he were to describe her, he’d say that they bottled summer in her eyes, and painted the night sky in her hair. Her lips are curved into a wistful smile, eyes trailing the thicket of trees where Adrien stands.

Her gaze sets his heart stuttering in his chest as it softens, and Adrien almost believes that look is meant for him.”

OR: A pair of lovers create a romance that transcends time, and leaves a mark like no other.

This is an incredibly well-written folk tale, one that I highly recommend anyone who loves mythological, folktale, fantasy, etc AUs for Adrienette to read! It’s on the shorter side, but woven so perfectly that it packs an outsized punch, and feels like it belongs in one of those collections of folk tales and myths I read as a kid! 

Adrien’s a god, gifting prosperity to those under his protection, but never interacting with them... until a farm girl catches his eye.

---

The Cat’s Out of the Purse by The_Rabbit42

Adrien just took the ring off to be safe.

Plagg just got bored and wanted to annoy Tikki.

Rose just opened her purse and SURPRISE!

Ladybug just wants to get the ring back to her partner.

This was a fun fic, never seen Rose and Plagg interact like this before! It’s a treat getting more Rose and Plagg focus in general of course, but I really like their relationship here. Plagg’s really good with his wielders in general, and I love how he emphasizes that while he needs to get back to Chat Noir, while Rose is transformed with him, she’s as much her own wielder as he is. It reminds me of how he acted with Zoe, Plagg’s just a treasure XD

---

home is where the fight is by @rosie-b

Nadja Chamack’s voice greeted Adrien as he sat up straight, wiping his clammy hands on his pants and ignoring the black kwami floating by his shoulder.

“—shocked to see our heroine fall in battle today, taking a direct hit from the akuma just as she detransformed. Parisians are torn between blaming Hawk Moth and Cat Walker for their roles in this tragedy, which ultimately revealed the civilian identity of Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Adrien turned off the TV and lowered his head as his vision blurred.

Written for Ladrien June Day 7: Injured

I adore this fic! Which shouldn’t be a a surprise, it’s no secret that I love Sentiadrien Enemies AU. Adrien’s so worried about Marinette getting hurt, and wishes that he could help keep her safer, could tell her what’s really going on or get rid of the ring or something, but he can’t. Still, he IS able to find clever ways around some of his father’s more problematic orders. Loopholes for the win!

---

Attack of the Crystal Zombies by @trainsinanime

Kagami had spent more and more time hanging out with Zoé, talking about things like families, expectations and crushes on Marinette. It was only natural, probably, that she would help Zoé practice flirting. That was definitely a great idea.

Granted, the deadly Akuma battle around them was a bit of an issue…

Quality Zoegami fic here! I loved how Kagami kept thinking she was bad at flirting, but it was sure working on Zoe XD. The akuma attack going on around them, interweaving with their conversation, added a bit of spice to the whole affair!

---

Closure by @bisexually-finger-guns

After the events of “Trust”, Alya tries to find closure.

I love this. A lot of the time, only the effects of Lila’s lies and manipulation on Marinette is explored, with the feelings of the people she tried to trick and use, with the Miracuclass and Alya in particular, ignored, downplayed, or even used to just rail at the kids for being gullible.

Not so here. Alya gets to go to a school counselor and talk about her feelings about Lila manipulating her, using her. Ladybug even gives her the Fox Miraculous to try a Burn-letter therapy technique on, telling an illusion of Lila everything she wants to say to her in order to get some closure. 

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Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite! by 55Anon

In which Hawkmoth is defeated by a strike.

So basically, Parisians get pissed at Hawkmoth and decide that hey, maybe they can’t stop him themselves, and they can’t just stay entirely positive at all times, but they sure as hell can direct every bit of their hatred and anger at him so that if he akumatizes one of them, they make a beeline for his lair. Hawkmoth didn’t stand a chance against the contempt of Paris!

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All Of Them? Every Single One? by @liiinerle

It turns out that Marinette loves a lot more people than she'd initially thought.

This is hilarious and adorable. Tikki lays out how Marinette has a crush on basically every girl she’s met - and even girls she doesn’t know are girls yet XD. 

---

Anchor by @liiinerle

“Marinette. Please take that sabre out of your neck.”

“Right. Thanks. I forgot it was there.” She grabbed hold of the guard and pulled; the blade slid out like it had only been run through butter. After dropping it on the floor, she picked up one of the teacups and picked up a biscuit from a tin she’d brought in; she placed the biscuit on the saucer plate and handed the whole thing to Kagami, who could only really resign herself to accepting it.

-----

Marinette has raised Kagami from the dead, and also happens to be dead herself. It turns out some bad choices were made in the past. But that doesn't mean they'll lead to bad outcomes for them now.

I love this, Marinette’s incredibly blase about being a zombie - which makes sense, given how long she’s had to get used to the idea. And she’s waited so long, tried so hard to bring Kagami back as well, though if she didn’t WANT to be back, she’d accede to that request. Luckily, Kagami doesn’t seem to mind as long as she’s with Marinette XD.

---

safe and sound by Lady_Bryght

A crazed fan is stalking Adrien with violent intentions, and Ladybug is determined to protect him. When the school goes on lockdown and Marinette can't transform, she does her best to keep him safe without the use of a miraculous.

So this is a bit of a suspenseful thriller with a twist ending - well, sort of an ending, it’s a oneshot so far with an ambiguous ending that reveals what’s going on, but not how things actually resolve. It’s the sort of story where, after you see the ending, you look back through the story for foreshadowing. Can’t really go much more in detail, without spoiling the twist.

---

Worth Your Time by @pearl484-blog

After the events of the Season 4 finale, Adrien leaves a series of voicemails for Felix after learning he is missing. Just because Felix is out of sight, doesn't mean he's out of mind for his cousin.

Entry for Adrien AUGreste prompt: Rings

I’d honestly forgotten about Adrien being told by Amelie that Felix was missing, and how that might have affected him. He doesn’t know that Felix is okay - he just knows that Felix disappeared after giving the Miraculous to Monarch, and that not even his mom (supposedly) knows where he is. So naturally, he fears the worst, and after awhile of leaving voicemails and not getting replies, he almost starts using the voicemails as a diary of sorts about the various events of season 5 - up until Emotion that is, for obvious reasons.

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the less I seek my source for some definitive by katrinette

When the akuma manages to smash a hole in the hull of the colony ship that's supposed to be unbreakable, Ladybug has to take drastic action to keep everyone safe.

This is an interesting sci-fi AU! Ladybug and Chat Noir pilot the last few fighter ships of their colony ship, the only defense against the akumas that keep on appearing and attacking the ship. But when one of the akumas smashes a hole in the ship, well Ladybug is willing to go to extreme measures to make sure everyone doesn’t die from the depressurization - measures that do not include any regard for her own safety, much to Chat’s displeasure.

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Guilty by Association by @rosie-b

Marinette respected Adrien’s strength and courage more and more every day. No matter how many times people threw nasty words or literal tomatoes at him; no matter how many companies refused to work with him anymore; no matter how clear it was becoming that he would never be forgiven for his father’s crimes, he chose to greet new people with a smile and hope that this time, someone would recognize the kind heart hidden behind his hated name.

She wished she’d had the chance to meet him before she’d accidentally ruined his life.

Written for the Ml Writers Guild September event 'back to school'

I love how Marinette keeps reaching out to Adrien, trying to protect him, even if it doesn’t always work. To let him know that she’s in his corner at least. Hawk Moth had to be taken down, but the consequences for Adrien... she never wanted anyone to get hurt in the process. 

---

The Supreme Movers by PearlO_O

Continuation of Tales of Shadybug and Claw Noir.

Adrien and Marinette battle with the emotional aftermath of meeting their alternate selves.

This was an excellent follow-up to the Paris Special! To be clear, the Adrien and Marinette here are Claw Noir and Shady Bug, not the ones from the show we’ve been following all this time. I really liked Adrien and Marinette reflecting and recontextualizing how their parents have been acting in more positive ways, and getting more positive responses in turn, along with them reassessing how they’ve been acting and reaching out to Alya and Nino. There’s this theme of “it doesn’t matter who we were or what mistakes we made, but who we want to be and that we keep moving forward”.

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Keep Me Safe Inside by RoFair

Adrien Agreste, formally known as Claw Noir attempts to get to know the girl he admires behind the mask of the reformed Shadybug. He has a plan, but it is derailed by a blonde bully.

I love how smitten Adrien is with Marinette! He might have a lot of bravado as Claw Noir, but he’s kinda shy as a civilian. Of course, that all goes out the window when Marinette needs help - like when she’s being bullied and is nearing a breakdown.

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delicate in every way but one by katrinette

When Marinette finds a wanted ad that provokes just enough questions in her mind that she can't help answering it, the reward is sweeter than she could have imagined.

I love the little bit of worldbuilding we get here about vampire society, and Adrien’s usual awkward adorableness in asking Marinette for a certain necessary favor. It’s always neat to see such familiar characterization in a supernatural setting like this.

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Lost Feather by @a-flaming-idiot

Sabine has always liked and respected Ladybug and Chat Noir. They've always been wonderful heroes and inspirations to all of Paris and she wouldn't trade them for the world. But that isn't to say she didn't begin to get worried when the heroes of Paris made it their mission to destroy all sentimonsters in their path. Though she knew they never would, it was hard to not worry for the safety of her daughter.

I liked this glimpse of what might happen if Marinette was a sentimonster as well! Poor Sabine, of course she’d have nightmares about the Heroes of Paris killing her daughter. While she likes and respects the Heroes and understands why they’ve been killing sentimonsters, given that the ones Shadow Moth spawns often don’t even seem sentient and are wreaking havoc, she’s still afraid for Marinette, that Ladybug might purify her Amok without ever considering that Marinette might be an actual person.

---

Partners in [Chaos] by @aidanchaser

Griffe Noire's needs no excuse to crash a fashion show competition, but when he sees the baker from his favorite bakery is involved, he decides to shift from spreading destruction to a different sort of chaos. He's not ready for her to see through him better than he knows himself.

Remixed from Partners in Clown by MiaBrown

I love Adrien’s portrayal here, how he lies to himself about how bad the cracks are getting, while also relishing them in a way, feeling like he’s living because of the self-harm he’s inflicting every time he unleashes a Cataclysm, it fits with his portrayal in the special. I like Marinette here too, you can see a bit of her vulnerabilities in this piece, though it’s not in her POV so she’s out of focus.

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Perfect by @deinde_prandium

It’s Adrien and Marinette’s wedding day! On site to ensure the event goes perfectly is their friend and famed wedding planner Kagami Tsuguri, and so far all has been going according to plan. There's just one problem: no one ever told her about Adrien, Marinette, and their struggles with automatic doors. Add to this the fact that Marinette’s determination to play matchmaker between her and a certain wedding singer…

Needless to say, Kagami is not pleased.

This is mostly a Kagami-centric fic, with a touch of Lukagami at the end. I loved the callback to Adrienette’s automatic door troubles, and Kagami and Luka being sneaky XD. 

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Patrolling with a friend for Christmas by @seasofsilver

Adrien just wanted to gift his Lady some time off and hang out more with Marinette during the festive season - it didn't exactly go to plan, but somehow ended up... better?

This was adorable! Chat Noir tries to give Ladybug a break by recruiting Multimouse to replace her on patrols for a bit, and Ladybug returns the favor by recruiting Aspik to replace Chat. Yep, it’s Snekmouse!

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Far-Fetched Plans by @cravingcraze

“While that’s true, and I was going to bring that up, I wanted to talk about… when Wishmaker hit you,” he sat up and looked at Felix with… concern? Why was he concerned for him?

“You only care about my secret identity,” Felix deflected. No, there was no way fucking Viperion, Luka Couffaine of all people was worried about him.

(It was hard to imagine anyone working with Ladybug worried about him.)

So this is an intriguing prospect. Gabriel’s forcing Felix to work with him to try and get Ladybug’s and Chat Noir’s Miraculous, something Felix isn’t thrilled about. But Luka finds out Felix’s secret identity, and decides to try and help him to break free.

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Life with a Stolen Slime by RustyAce

Sharp, dagger-like stabs from his stomach made the small creature whimper as they curled into himself. Hunger. A frequent state he should be used to by now, but a painful one nonetheless. His gelatinous form was nearly a ball as he tried to self soothe himself, with just portions of slime forming ears and a tail that stuck out of his main body. Usually this worked, but the slime made a distressed moan as they pressed their forehead against his glass prison.

Oh, how he wished he could escape this jar he was in. The humans never came often enough to give him enough food, or even to let him out to stretch his legs. No, instead they carefully opened the jar’s lid just enough to slip some disgusting trash into it with some forceps. They, it seemed, did not appreciate his surprisingly sharp bites or scratches when they first brought him here. A shame.

The slime let out a small sigh, their eyes closing in an attempt to fall asleep to ignore his hunger. Perhaps if he fell asleep, he would wake up to them bringing him food.

So this fic is based off the Reverse world presented in the Paris special. Claw Noir’s a small cat-slime that’s being held captive in a jar, until Marinette eventually rescues him and puts him in a bigger container and feeds him better food at least. It’s cute, and it makes me curious about the setting of this story (like where he came from and why humans were keeping him captive, along with how Marinette stumbled across him), and where the story might go from here (this is a oneshot, but I’d love to see this explored more, if you can’t tell).

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Changeling by @unecoccinellenoire

Gabriel makes the Wish believing that he regretted everything with Adrien. The results suggest that he in fact regrets Adrien

So this is interesting. It’s giving a glimpse into a universe where Gabriel and Emilie never found the Peacock Miraculous, and they (along with Amelie and Colt) just adopted. Which unfortunately meant that Adrien and Felix as we know them never existed, and Gabriel finds that he misses his original son, which is especially acute when interacting with his new adopted son and knowing how much he’s NOT Adrien.

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Here for now, but I can see the better days by @nirby-wirby

Now, laying on his bed with only the soft light of a bedside lamp illuminating the room, he felt guilt eating at him from inside his chest. His miraculous burned on his finger, a reminder of what he’d given up. Of what had somehow led to his father helping Ladybug and dying in the process. The guilt was suffocating, building more and more until he felt like all that was left of him was guilt.

———— Or: Adrien deals with the grief and guilt of losing his father with some help. Set post-s5 finale and written for the ML Secret Santa Exchange of 2023

I love the support Adrien gets here, both from Nathalie in a more motherly role, and from his friends. He even tells Nathalie his secret identity, which gets her thinking about how badly Adrien got screwed over. Especially with him feeling guilty over Gabriel’s fate, when she knows he has no reason to.

---

Under the Umbrella by @fruitdragon1a

Almost everyone has a soulmate. What are Adrien and Marinette supposed to do when they meet theirs?

ML Secret Santa gift for Mei! Merry Christmas!

Thank you to Now Loading and Rewan Demontay for beta reading this fic!

So this is a version of soulmarks I haven’t seen before. Around age six, soulmates get a soulmark that shows what their soulmate is thinking when they first meet them. Though I guess it doesn’t register while transformed, since it only counts for this one when Adrien and Marinette meet as civilians, and not when they first meet as superheroes.

[muppet-chaos]

Feeding the Bear for the fanfic meme

I feel like this one might be harder to talk about since I literally just wrote it but we'll see how this goes. Fic here

Originally the plan for this was a one two chapter non-con fic with both Tex/Nobody and Mdawg/Nobody (and that is definitely still coming I swear I won't leave this one in wip hell) but I started writing the Tex/Nobody scene and the sex just... wasn't going to happen, so I ended up deciding to make it even longer and get some build up in there.

Nobody was woken up by the creak of the shed door opening and the light shining onto his face, not that he’d slept much, uncomfortable, chained down, and with the ever-present threat of the actual bear still looming. He glared up at Tex, alone this morning, who stared back at him with an expression he struggled to read.

I'm not sure exactly when this is set relative to 157, whether it's taking the place of the events as they happen in the show or just ambiguously sometime in the time they had Nobody as a prisoner. Either way nobody is already in rough shape here.

“If you ain’t gonna eat the damn fish so I can take the plate back then you don’t get to have it on a plate. A little dirt is good for you. You’ll manage.” Tex had already turned around to leave but he glanced back over his shoulder at Nobody who was staring at him aghast.

I'm kind of proud of the direction of Tex feeding him on the floor, considering everything that was happening to Nobody this ep it feels very in line and the back and forth about it was fun to write.

“You can’t be serious? You expect me to eat this off the floor. Like a fucking dog.” Tex almost laughed at that, a gruff bark of amusement. “You ain’t no dog. A dog would have earned the dignity of eating out of a bowl.”

Something something not beating the puppy allegations, except Nobody kind of is here, which I guess good for him that's a big step away from being Mike Walters.

Something in the way that Tex carried himself, from the last time they had met, had changed. Something in the way he stood, and moved. Nobody had fashioned himself into a bit of a monster when he needed to be, when the situation called for it, he thought. But whatever this was in Tex it wasn’t an act of self-control.

This bit of contrast here is fun, trying to get at how Nobody views himself. He's embracing his ability to do some pretty horrible things and seemingly not feel very bad about it, but that feels like a conscious choice on Nobody's part. Tex on the other hand felt remarkably out of control this episode. It's a neat juxtaposition in the actual show too.

“Fuck you.” Nobody growled right back, and gasped as Tex gave another hard pull on his hair.

I'm surprised I haven't written more hair-pulling by now, cons of mostly writing characters that I usually headcanon as having pretty short hair I guess.

Tex laughed for certain this time though it sounded hollow. “You really are stubborn but I know I should expect that.” Something in Tex was becoming more relaxed though he was just as unyielding. He was letting his weight do the work of holding Nobody down, his legs wrapped around Nobody’s waist. He moved the hand that wasn’t pulling at his hair, scooping up some of the scattered remnants of salmon and pressing his palm against Nobody’s lips. Nobody kept his mouth resolutely shut, the smell of salmon flooding his nose.

You can kiiiind of see the remnants here of where this was going to become more overtly horny but then I changed my mind and went for the force-feeding instead. Something something checkovs salmon. Side note... the texture of cooked salmon is very hard to describe? I was struggling. The best I got is flaky but that didn't mesh with the tone of the piece lol.

“Open. Your mouth. Bear,” Tex hissed. His only response was a closed-mouth grunt. The pull on his skull finally lessened, all the weight of his head in Tex’s palm and then that hand reached around to his jaw gripping hard and trying to wrench his mouth open. Nobody was half thinking to give in and open then bite down hard on the hand that was trying to feed him, but he had a violent clarity on what direction that would take him. He was weak from the time he’d spent here, with bad sleep and not enough food and Tex finally managed to wrench his jaw open and force the handful of flakes of lukewarm dirty salmon into his mouth, slamming it shut again as quickly as his hands were free of Nobody’s teeth. His hand rested around Nobody’s throat, surprisingly gentle, though the threat was there. “Swallow it.”

All I could thing while writing this part was Cannonball going "It's like pilling a cat" in season 4.

Nobody braced himself, half expecting it to come back up, and swallowed, the feeling of dirt and oil still stuck to his tongue. Control was slipping away from him. He felt like he was out of touch with his own body, experiencing it all secondhand. Without thought a whine slipped past his lips, no longer even trying to keep them closed. It was too late for that.

I wasn't planning on writing Nobody dissociating I just got to this point and it seemed like what would be happening at that point.

Anyways, this fic was fun to write and I'm looking forward to doing the rest of it. I've been looking for an excuse to try writing force feeding for a while (I've got a Ryanball wip with it that I finally cracked the block on) and this one just sort of blindsided me out of nowhere. I hope this look behind the curtain on it was interesting.

[therealandian]

things i thought about when working on stts but didn't actually wind up in the story:

jon and jonny getting stranded on a planet together and having to scrap together their own ship. i was even going to have it tie back into a bit in redeath where martin mentions abandoning jonny on a watery planet in retaliation for more or less selling him to hereward. originally they were supposed to not get along very well, but the moment i added jonny into the story i realized i could have a lot more fun with him taking jon under his wing. i was still thinking i'd strand them somewhere, including elias once i thought to add him in as well, but the closest i really got was the planet where jon got addicted to drugs lol. the water world bit got recycled and became por'zykev

jon actually learning to play an instrument. i just didn't have the time/a good opportunity to write this in. rest assured that he learned something, though

one version of the end involved jon and elias kidnapping little jon (who is midway through s3), jon replacing him at the institute, and then elias taking him away to some other planet. then martin was supposed to find him and kidnap little jon back before returning to earth while elias desperately chased after him

another version of the end that i did write some of involved elias adopting little jon instead of martin. but since i felt like it would add too much extra with how i'd written it, i decided against it. i may be persuaded to release some of that because there were still some great moments lol

there was a long period where i planned to have jon part from elias because he wanted time to accept that he would never see martin again. meanwhile elias would fuck off to earth. this ties into the 'elias adopting little jon' version, but isn't necessarily the only ending i thought of with this particular piece

the talyn were originally going to be warlords conquering the galaxy, but it was honestly way more interesting to have them just sorta be there as an overarching government that was relatively chill with letting people do what they'd already been doing. after all, a hivemind race would be all about cooperation

there was a whole conversation planned about the pros and cons of being a god with donovan's kids. this didn't wind up making the cut, but that scene did end with elias crying into mashed potatoes, and i think that's hilarious still

this isn't necessarily something that didn't make it into the fic since it's referenced a couple times, but it's important that everyone knows that elias adopted Every Child He Met who didn't have decent parents. there were many.

the bit where jon got dissected was originally 1) on a spaceship, 2) both jon and elias nearly getting blown to pieces by the talyn, and 3) way more graphic. jon actually demanded elias leave him behind and pick him up later, because in that version they already had the dread-not. this was the part where they realized they were friends and had a panic about it. i might be persuaded to post that bit too, actually. i was pretty proud of it at the time i first thought it up lol

there's a scene in my head that i started writing out that wouldn't have fit anywhere in the overall narrative (and i'd already finished stts by then). in that scene, elias has a sudden realization that he's attracted to jon and they have to have a Talk. jon naturally doesn't feel the same, and elias is fine with that so long as jon is happy. it would've probably been pretty cute, but it didn't really fit the pacing, and frankly i wanted to leave their relationship relatively ambiguous. they definitely love each other, but the form of that love is up to each individual reader

jon and elias have fucked at least once out of boredom. whether or not it ever happened again is anybody's guess.

there are definitely other things that i've since forgotten, but i thought it'd be fun to run back through and see what random stuff i'd planned to do throughout everything. it's pretty funny, because while redeath stuck pretty damn close to the original timeline, stts gave me the freedom to fuck around and find out, and i'm deeply proud of the result. sure, there are plenty of other things i probably could've done, adding or subtracting or reconfiguring different scenes and situations, but i feel like accepting that not everything is going to make it into the story with the way the pacing worked out is important. take the sheer amount of endings i plotted out in my head, for example. literally dozens XD

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Since That Day

Fandom: DC, The Suicide Squad, Rick Flag

Summary: Since the day you lost Rick in Corto Maltese, you have been planning your revenge. And now, the time has come…

Word Count: 1251

TW: Language, Guns, Major Character Death, Possible Suicide, Ambiguous Ending

Note: This was written before Peacemaker (2021) aired

It had been 121 days since Jötunheim fell. Since Project Starfish went tits up and half of Corto Maltese was destroyed. Since the love of your life was taken from you by a bastard with a fucking toilet seat on his head.

It had been 119 days since all of your tunneling and digging had paid off and you had finally found Rick’s body in the rubble of Jötunheim, the shard of porcelain still jutting out of his chest. You had sat amongst the debris and dust as you held him in your arms one last time, your tears washing away some of the dirt from his handsome face. DuBois had found you an hour later and he helped you bring Rick’s body somewhere safe.

It had been 117 days since you watched them reduce Rick’s body to ashes. There was no fancy military service, no 21-gun salute like he deserved. Instead, it was just you and the surviving members of the Suicide Squad standing around a furnace. And when it was over, you were left with a vase filled with the ashes of your heart.

It had been 50 days since you had gotten a restful night’s sleep. Because even though Rick was gone, you were able to take comfort in the fact that so was his killer. But then you heard the first whispers of rumors. That the son of a bitch who took Rick from you was still alive, he had survived when Rick had died. And you weren’t going to let that stand.

It had been 46 days since you were able to convince DuBois to help you with your mission. He could see the obsession in your eyes and if it wasn’t for the guilt he had about letting Peacemaker walk away from his bullet, he might have tried to stop you. Instead, he suited up and followed on your quest for revenge.

It had been 40 days since you took the vase of Rick’s ashes out of your closet for the first time since you had brought them home. It hurt too much to stare at it just sitting on your counter every day but now you have found a way to put them to good use. And you knew Rick would approve.

It had been 35 days since you poured those ashes into five separate shell casings. Each casing had Rick Flag carved into the side of them in your handwriting. Because when all was said and done, you wanted to make sure everyone knew that Rick Flag took out Peacemaker once and for all.

It had been 12 days since you had received your first real lead on his whereabouts. DuBois discovered Peacemaker was working with Economos and Harcourt, and you weren’t surprised in the least. Of course Waller had something to do with this. And as DuBois promised to update you and you hung up the phone, you tightly grasped Rick’s dog tags that now hung around your neck. Soon, baby. I promise, this will all be over soon.

It had been 4 days since you got your first look at Peacemaker in person. Hiding on top of the building across from his location, you were able to see him exiting the building, Economos and Harcourt on either side of him. Part of you wanted to take out all three of them right now, you had enough bullets. But you forced yourself to wait. Peacemaker had shown he was stronger, more resilient than anyone could have predicted. You couldn’t risk him walking away yet again. So you waited….for now.

Today is the day. You can feel it in your bones. Everything has been planned out to the last detail over the last few days and now it is time to act.

Breaking into Peacemaker’s house was simple. He left the key to the front door under his mat. Stepping inside, you knew instantly you were in the right place. Everything looked dingy and coated in a layer of unknown substances (that you really tried to not look too closely). American flags or flag themed memorabilia decorated almost every inch of the walls. The table in the living room had four or five half finished whiskey bottles laying on it while beer cans littered the floor. In the corner, there was a dog bowl that had “Eagly'' crudely scrawled on it. Yep. This is Pissmaker’s house.

According to the information DuBois found for you, he should be back home within the hour. So, trying your best not to disturb anything that could alert him to your presence, you slip into the closet directly across from the couch. And you wait.

Twenty-two minutes later, the front door opens and your blood runs cold as you hear him mumbling to himself in the other room. His voice alone is enough to send you into a blind rage, but you use all of your training to keep your composure. Peering through the slats in the closet door, you watch as he approaches his table and drains one of the still open whiskey bottles.

As softly and quietly as possible, you slide the door open and sneak out. As soon as you are standing behind him, you raise the gun and cock it. Peacemaker freezes at the sound before cautiously raising his hands over his head.

“Smith.” You growl, trying to keep the fury filled trembling out of your voice.

Peacemaker slowly turns to face you, his hands still in the air. With what can only be described as a visual gulp, he warily says, “Hey, didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“Why? Because you left me there to die with Rick? Because you thought your bullet pierced my heart like that shard did his?”

“Well…. Yeah.”

“It’s called Kevlar, you dumbass. Next time, make sure your target’s dead before you walk away. I learned that lesson the hard way.” You point the gun at his chest. “So, do you have a preference? The heart”-you raise the gun higher- “or the head?”

“Now, let’s just hold on a second-” he takes a step forward but the sight of you tightening your finger on the trigger stops him in his tracks. “Listen, I’ve changed. After everything that happened, everything I did, everything that I saw, I’m not that same man.”

You shrug, “I don’t care what kind of man you are now. You will always be the man who took my love from me. Nothing else matters. Oh, and Rick Flag says hello.” You pull the trigger twice in quick succession, perfectly placing a bullet into each eye socket.

Like a marionette with its strings cut, Peacemaker crumples to the floor. Calmly, you stroll over and flip his body with your foot. Two bloody holes stare back at you, but you aren’t taking any chances this time. Pressing the gun firmly against his chest, just above his heart, you pull the trigger twice more. His body jerks and flails, but there isn’t the slightest hint of life left. Satisfied with a job well done, you wipe your hands on his shirt and walk into the hall.

One bullet left….one more piece of Rick. You stare at the gun in your hand, knowing what you want to do and knowing it is the last thing he would have ever wanted. But Rick is gone…..and now, so is Peacemaker…..so what’s left? You raise the gun as you tighten your finger on the trigger one last time.

[kalinara]

I would die for a meta on your thoughts about the reylo (which, let’s be honest, is basically just the kylo ren) fandom.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m biased. But I am straight up CONVINCED that the reason we lost out on a trilogy focusing on the trio is because of how much absolute annoying NOISE they made about #savebensolo online, which somehow convinced the movie directors that it was a cashcow making idea.

There’s the Rise of Kylo Ren comics, which apparently set up how Kylo didn’t burn down the school and it was all a big “misunderstanding”, but you will never convince me that that was the plan for kylo’s backstory in The Force Awakens. I specifically remember them talking about wanting Kylo to have an anti-redemption arc to parallel Anakin’s “redemption” arc, where Kylo would grow more and more entrenched in the dark side as the trilogy continued on. Him killing Han was supposed to cement that turn from the light.

And then, suddenly the rest of the movies start focusing more on him than Rey and her relationships with her friends. To the point where there are still Reylo fans who say that rey’s ending isn’t a happy one, because she “doesn’t care about Poe and Finn” as much as Kylo.

Rey didn’t even need to end up without a love interest! I know there are people who wish she had ended up alone, but Finnrey was set up in the very first movie. They flirted! I even would have accepted The Duel of the Fates script with a poe romance if it would have been done well, or even finnpoe.

Instead, we had our main female character risking it all for Kylo in the Last Jedi, which, in canon, is three days post The Force Awakens, after Kylo slashed Finn in the back with a lightsaber so close to his spine that it’s absolutely amazing he isn’t paralyzed.

What if Finn had died? Has anyone ever thought of that? He was in a coma at the end of tfa. People die from injuries while in a coma all the time. Let’s say Kylo threw everything down to come with Rey at the end of tlj. How would that go if they arrived and leia and poe had to break it to Rey, “yeah, finn’s fucking dead, man. Sorry.” Is Rey just supposed to be cool with that and let Kylo go on his merry way? Perhaps date him after that?

There are legitimate reylo fans who believe that Kylo should have lived at the end of tros and went back to the resistance with Rey to have a family and live happily ever after. Just… be pardoned for all his crimes. They really believe that Rey should worship the ground Kylo walks on to the point where she would bring him back to Finn, who he almost killed, and poe, who he tortured, and have her steadfastly defend him against her two friends.

It just—infuriates me so much. We really could have had it all. But certain parts of the fandom made it all about Kylo Ren, to the point where it didn’t just retract from the trio; it also retracted from Rey’s character herself.

Sorry if I ranted. You just have some awesome takes and I’m thinking again about the sequels and the potential they had, lol.

Aw, I really appreciate your kind words. But unfortunately, I don't have any behind the scenes information for you.

I do think, based on the end of the Last Jedi, that Kylo was set up as the big bad. And this may be projection, but I don't get the sense that JJ Abrams really wanted to write Kylo's redemption. The man's written morally ambiguous characters before in his career, and pulled off more dubious redemption arcs. I think he could have sold Kylo's arc better, if he really wanted to.

I haven't read the comics and I honestly don't care about them. They've never been that relevant to my mind, when it comes to evaluating Kylo as a character. My own take is that, whether or not he was to blame for the temple's destruction, he had options besides joining a regime that's obviously a Nazi-allegory, that enslaves children and commits genocide. I judge him by the decisions we see him make on screen, and those are pretty damning.

That said, I mostly enjoyed Rise of Skywalker. Kylo's redemption didn't work for me, but we also saw him die and that made me happy. Rey had an ambiguous moment that might or might not have been romantic. I don't think that's enough to ruin her. At almost forty, I have an old person's cynicism: young people sometimes fall for the wrong people. In my eyes, it's more important that Rey gets a happy ending with the people she actually loves: Finn and Poe. And TROS gave me that.

It's okay to be dissatisfied with the movies, and I'm always in favor of folks ranting about what makes them unhappy. But it's also okay to move on. The Star Wars Universe has a lot of lovely material right now, and more to come. Perhaps there'll be something more to your taste if you give it a chance?

[arabian-bloodstream]

Why in Angela Kang I Trust

Maybe because I've been bruised and battered by showrunners and exec producers when it comes to couples and have also been rewarded (very, very, VERY rarely -- OK, like once), that is why I'm feeling positive about Caryl with regards to the spoilers.

Lemme give a bit of my history.  I've had sooooo many couples, it's not even funny. I'm beyond a couple-girl.  I've been involved in Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, The Vampire Diaries, Veronica Mars, The 100, Star Wars, Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandoms (and many more). Yeah, so I've been through some ups and downs in the fandoms themselves and with the end result of the product/my couple preference.

Two of the things that these fandoms taught me were (a) critical analysis of the product taking *everything* into account and not just my couple, and (b) how to deal with spoilers to keep myself sane.

NOTE: This is how I deal. I'm not telling anyone else how to feel or deal. This is my bag and what works for me and why I'm personally totally, 100% positive about Caryl despite the recent spoilers.

In one of my fandoms, I was heartbroken by how an episode played out. It made no sense to me. I had analyzed everything, paid attention to all the road signs... how could I have been so wrong? How could she choose the other guy??! It took a few weeks, but I re-thought everything and realized that I had been so focused on analyzing MY couple that I had ignored the OTHER couple. I had ignored the other aspects of the show and that other aspect mattered. It was like a bomb went off in my head. Suddenly something so obvious was now so clear to me.  

From that moment on when I analyzed the show, I analyzed every character, every aspect of it and I gotta tell you all I just about nailed every character plot point. Not the twists/turns, but the emotional, character beats? I was right as rain on those. Because here's the obvious thing, no showrunner/headwriter is ever going to write for ONE character, ONE couple. They are going to write for every single character, every single couple.  And if they are good writers they aren't going to take fanfic-like shortcuts to get them where we would like them to be, they are going to dig deep and explore who they are as characters to bring them organically to where they belong.

So... The Walking Dead. Angela Kang. Daryl Dixon. Carol Peletier. Caryl. (FINALLY! Ya'll say.) Angela Kang is a GOOD showrunner/headwriter. She brought TWD back from the disaster that Scott Gimple had made of the show. Seriously, I think 3-4 seasons went by and only 2 months had passed in that time. It was mostly a slow-moving morass of nothing happening with most characters doing nothing, barely connecting. Blech! It was mostly just not good. She whipped this show into shape.

Kang also took a long look at Carol, Daryl and Caryl and realized that in order to get them where they needed to be... which was TOGETHER ROMANTICALLY, they needed a helluva lot of work because Gimple had done ABSOLUTE SHIT with them for about 4 years. They had barely a handful of scenes over that time period, had been mostly separated and both characters had been decimated in completely different ways.

Carol's grief, guilt and horrendous actions had been completely and utterly sublimated. She told no one (including Daryl) about what happened with all of the children she had lost by her hand or through she felt because of her.  So what did Kang do? She used the relationship that Gimple had begun with Ezekiel to create this fairytale fantasy that Carol could escape to since she couldn't be with her Alexandria family anymore because of that grief and guilt. She gave her that respite and escape until she was ready to live with the reality of all she'd done.

And then she opened the door to that grief and guilt with Henry's death, destroying that fairytale/fantasy so that she could finally begin to heal. And that is what we are finally getting now, a healing Carol. She's not whole yet, but she's stronger and she is healing. She's no longer hiding in some fantasy, she's no longer drowning in grief. And she's with her family again. She's come home.

I'm sure just as Kang looked at Carol, she also looked at Daryl and saw how Gimple had turned him into a monosyllablic follower. So, through the last two seasons, she's been building him up as the leader who's stepping up and also... HE SPEAKS! That's really the big thing, but it's such, such a big thing.

Finally, Caryl. To begin with, Kang's first episode made it perfectly obvious that it was a Zeke/Carol/Daryl triangle. However, because it's been sooooooooooooo long and the Caryl crowd has been battered for so long and the ABC crowd is so loud and even the media doesn't immediately jump to it despite the popularity of Caryl the obviousness of it just wasn't obvious. But the way Zeke proposed to Carol to which she did not say yes, his undying declaration of love to which she did not respond in kind to the way she curled up (yes, curled up!) against Daryl to tell him about said proposal and his response, clearly not happy about it, but willing to give her the go-ahead if she was happy was so obvious. I mean, DUDE! Yeah, that was textbook triangle material with the guy proposing being the clear loser in the equation in the long run. And that was Angela Kang's first episode as showrunner!

Everything that followed--the secret visits to him, her cutting his hair, her trust in him and vice-versa--to her leaving Zeke behind in Hilltop and going with Daryl to Alexandria, yeah, all of that was clearly going to be how that "triangle" ended based on that first episode.  But so many Caryl fans were heartbroken, upset, furious about the Carol/Zeke spoilers. Of course, they were. We had no idea what Kang had in store. We'd been burned and battered and used and ignored by TWD, AMC, Gimple, et al. How could we possibly know that Kang had a plan all along and that the Carol/Zeke relationship was about paying time and attention to Carol's character and establishing a subtle triangle with Daryl in which he would emerge the victor?

But that's exactly what Angela Kang did. And then in season 10 she made it clear numerous times that it--only her second as showrunner--would feature the relationship of Carol and Daryl at the heart of it. So I have a few points I want to make regarding the upcoming spoilers taking ALL of the above that I've written into account:

1. Spoilers are tricky things. You simply can not know what is what until you actually watch the episode and even see the full arc play out. When you have a good showrunner/headwriter who has a plan and knows the path planned for the characters--one who has proven they know what they're doing--wait until you see what they are actually doing before assuming the roof is falling in. At least that's my philosophy.

2. I mentioned how the obviousness of the triangle aspect set-up in Kang's first episode as showrunner was so missed and a part of that is because of the fact that there is too much ambiguity in how Caryl and Daryl see one another. Is it friendship? Is it a mother/son (pfft! So fucking ridiculous!) relationship? Is it a sibling-like relationship? Or is it romantic/sexual? (YES, IT IS!) This very well may be what answers that question. (It’s the last one. It’s definitely the last one.)

3. 10x18 is STILL a part of season 10. According to Angela Kang, the heart of season 10 is the relationship of Carol and Daryl.

Finally, there are two characters left from the first season of this ten (of eleven) season show. Carol and Daryl. There is going to be a spin-off featuring Carol and Daryl. A character that Daryl has some sort of history with when he thought he lost Carol when she was married to someone else (after he had lost Rick) is NOT going to suddenly, randomly become the ONE to come between Carol and Daryl.

It doesn’t matter that this character is coming back in the final season. Sorry, not sorry, but it just does not. Carol and Daryl are the ONE for each other. This character is just another Ezekiel, a part of their story. Angela Kang has been organically, effortlessly rebuilding Carol and Daryl, and Caryl back up from the neglect and abuse that they suffered (especially Carol and Caryl) under Scott Gimple.

This is why I trust in Angela Kang.

[winterhawk-olympic-bang]

Writer’s Workshop: How To End Your Story

How To End Your Story

Guest Poster: Flawedamythyst

We’re in the final furlong before the deadline for the first draft now, so it feels like a good time to talk about endings, and how to bring your story together to create a satisfactory one.

Have a read and then head over to the Discord Server where we have a channel for you to take part in a discussion based on the post, with chances to share your own ideas too.

How To End Your Story

There are traditionally six types of endings for a story:

Resolved ending - one with no lingering questions or loose ends. (Most murder mysteries and romances fall into this category.)

Unresolved ending - the kind of ending that leaves the reader with more questions than answers. (Usually for books that are part of a series. A lot of the HP books have endings like this.)

Expanded ending - expands the world of the story beyond the events of the narrative itself, with a time jump forward or a change in PoV.

Unexpected ending - a twist ending that the reader doesn’t see coming, but that should seem inevitable in hindsight.

Ambiguous ending - one that’s open to interpretation. Unlike an unresolved one, it leaves things to be interpreted by the reader so they have to decide themselves how it goes.

Tied ending - that brings the story full circle, and ends exactly where it began. Often the case for ‘Hero’s Journey’ type stories, where the hero ends up back home at the end.

You can read more about them here: https://boords.com/storytelling/how-to-end-a-story or here: https://www.masterclass.com/articles/ways-to-end-your-story but also in multiple other articles online just by Googling ‘Six Ways To End A Story’. 

But, of course, they don’t really tell you how to work out which one your story needs, or how to write one of them without falling into any of the traps that ends with an unsatisfying ending.

Motivation

Of course, often the hardest bit with an ending is actually getting there. Losing motivation is so easy, especially when you’re writing something super-long. I know lots of people get motivation by posting as they go and using comments/kudos as a spur, or even just by talking about it on Tumblr or other places and letting other people’s excitement buoy them up, but a Bang event like WHOB doesn’t allow for that. 

I’m going to talk a bit about ways to motivate yourself when you’re having to keep things secret from all but a handful of people, but bear in mind that this is something that really is very individual. Everyone writes for different reasons, and so everyone’s path to staying motivated is different.

For me, I think it comes down to focusing on why am I writing this story to start with? Any time I feel myself flagging, I think back to that reason and re-capture the original feeling I had about it. Often there’s a couple of different reasons. 

For example, when I was writing Look What The Cat Dragged In, my motivations when I wrote the first line were:

I want all of fandom to share with me the image of the Winter Soldier waking Clint up to threaten him while gently cradling a kitten in his hands, and 

I was writing it as a present for @kangofu-cb​. 

So, if I flagged at all, I was able to either reread that moment with Bucky holding the kitten and think ‘wow, I really do thing people will enjoy this mental image’, or I was able to think ‘I want my friend to have a nice thing’, and that helped me drive on and push through.

A lot of my personal motivations come down to ‘I want to share this scene/witty one-liner/visual of Clint pole dancing while dressed as Captain America with people’, so often just rereading what I’ve already done is really motivating for me, plus it also gives me the chance to see just how much I’ve already done, and what I would be dooming to be unfinished if I just walked away without pushing through.

You might well have different motivations though, which are equally valid. Maybe you started a fic for this event because you wanted to get a shiny badge, or to do something that your friends were doing, or you wanted to prove to yourself that you could write something longer than usual or outside of your usual wheelhouse. It may feel harder now than it did when you had that first idea, but that doesn’t change why you wanted to do it, and it’s actually easier now than it was when you started, because you’ve already done some of it.

And, if none of those motivations work for you, there’s always spite. ‘Oh, my brain gremlins think I can’t finish this? Fuck those guys, I’m going to prove those assholes so very, very wrong’ is completely how I powered through to finish my first ever novel-length fic, a million years and several fandoms ago. 

Resolution vs Ending

So, let’s move on to the ending itself. 

There are two parts to writing an ending: there’s the plot resolution and how that all gets tied up, and there’s the actual ending of the fic - the last scene, and the last place the reader sees the characters.

Sometimes the resolution happens only at the very end of a story and so those are the same thing, but I tend to think that makes things feel a bit abrupt. Especially for fics, which tend to be more character-driven than mainstream media and so need a wind down on how the characters react to the end of the plot for the reader. (This isn’t always true, of course, some plots do tie up neatly in the final scene. Every story is different and you’re the person best placed to judge what’s needed in your fic.)

So when you’re thinking about the ending, think about both parts. ‘How does this plot resolve itself?’ and ‘where do I want to leave these characters in the readers’ mind’s eye?’

Plotting a Story Resolution

You may well have already got a resolution worked out as part of your planning, but what if that ending doesn’t seem to fit any more, or you realise just as you get to it that you forgot to think about an ending at all and have no idea where to go?

First of all, don’t panic! If the rest of the story is there, you’ll be able to pull together the strands to create the best ending. Trust the bones of your story.

When I’m facing a blank page and no real idea of how I’m getting from the Depths of Despair moment to the happy ending, the first thing I do is reread the whole story in case that sparks a fantastic, fully-formed idea to appear on how to tie it all up. Mostly that doesn’t work, which is always disappointing, but it’s still a good place to start, because you have the whole run of the fic fresh in your head to plan from.

The next thing I do is make a list of all the things that I know definitely need to happen for the plot to be done. These don’t need to be in any particular order at this point and they don’t need to link up, you just need a list of what needs to go into the framework, however minor. ‘Clint wears Bucky’s hoodie and Bucky is smitten’ is a totally valid plot point to include, or even ‘include mention of recurring joke about muffins’. If you know something needs to be resolved but you don’t know how yet, just putting ‘resolve plot point with badgers’ is fine. Hopefully once you’ve started thinking through all the different bits, you’ll work out what’s going to happen to the badgers, and it’ll make sure you know it needs to be included somewhere.

If you have a beta/cheer reader who can help, it’s also super helpful to ask them what they would expect from the ending based on what they’ve read so far, or what elements from earlier in the story they think will be coming back/will turn out to be foreshadowing. Sometimes you’ll find you’ve written the clues to your ending into the earlier bits without really noticing, and you can throw them down on the list to be included as well.

Once you have everything you know needs to be included, you can shift them around into a rough order you think they need to go in, and start filling in the gaps. For example, if ‘Clint gets injured’ is there, you can add in ‘Bucky tends to his wounds’ as the obvious next step and maybe that would be a good time to throw in a muffin joke, and then Clint might need to borrow a hoodie if his shirt has blood on it, so you can tick those bits off as well.

It gets easier to see where the gaps are once you have it written out, even if it’s only things that you already knew would need to happen. Having it down in black and white helps your brain to move pieces around like a jigsaw puzzle, and start extrapolating on what comes in the gaps between.

Make The Ending Fit The Story

Think about what kind of story it’s been so far, and make sure that the ending you come up with fits in with it. 

You’ll know the general feeling that you wanted for the fic when you started writing, so that will give you a solid idea on how the ending needs to go. (Often for me this feeling is ‘schmoopy and loved up’, because I’m a softie. A lot of what I’m doing when I’m writing a fic is just clearing out of the way any obstacles that are going to get in the way of my characters being schmoopy and loved up. When there’s nothing left in the way, that’s when I know it’s the end of the story.)

You also need to keep the tone and pacing of your fic the same, and make sure that your ending matches up so it all feels like it fits together. This includes keeping the pace the same as it had been, no matter how tempting it is to rush through so you can get the thing finished already, or slow right down so you can add in a few thousand more words. 

Along with sticking to the tone you’ve set for the fic, try not to genre-shift - if you’ve written an action-packed zombie apocalypse fic, resolving the plot with domestic schmoop isn’t a great idea. The reader is invested in the style of story that you’ve written so far, so pulling the rug out on them will only give them whiplash, a vague sense of dissatisfaction or a persistent nagging feeling that zombies are about to attack. 

Unless you’ve written a domestic schmoop zombie AU of course, in which case I would read the hell out of it. ‘Curtain!fic but sometimes the undead interrupt’ sounds like a lot of fun.

And finally, make sure you maintain your characterisation. If the ending you want involves your character doing something wildly out-of-character, then that’s not the right ending. (I like to call this an Endgame!Steve ending. No, I’m not over that.) Even if your audience is invested in your story enough to overlook the incongruence, they will be having to overlook it rather than feeling fully invested in the journey you’ve created.

Chekov’s Gun

The most satisfying endings are the ones that tie up most, if not all, of the loose ends, and provide an emotional pay-off equivalent to the build-up. If you’ve been talking about something big that might or might not happen, and then it doesn’t, it’s narratively frustrating. In the same way, if you drop something big in that doesn’t really fit with what went before, it’s going to make the story feel unbalanced. 

Obviously that doesn’t mean you can’t have a surprise or twist ending but even if the reader is surprised by something happening, they still want to feel like they’re reading the same story. They need to look back with hindsight of knowing the twist and see how it fits in, and not how it stands out.

A good rule to follow is the Chekov’s Gun rule: If there’s a gun on the table in the first act, someone needs to shoot it in the second act. If you’ve been teasing something, make sure the pay-off is there.

And, of course, if someone’s going to be firing a gun at the end, go back and make sure it gets mentioned earlier in the story. It doesn’t need to be a heavy-handed anvil, but if you can drop in casual hints about guns earlier in the story, the whole thing feels more cohesive and thought out. No one needs to know that you only put those hints in after you’d finished the whole thing.

Loose Ends

Something I always like to do when I’m plotting exactly how the ending is going to go, is to go back through the whole fic and make a list of anything that feels like it could be a loose end if it didn’t get resolved. (If I’m having a problem working out my ending, often this happens at the same time as writing down all my ending plot points, as I described above.)

Some of those are obvious, like ‘Bucky and Clint need to kiss’, but some are less so. Did Clint think about how much he just wants to be done with all the drama so he can snuggle with his dog? Maybe throw in some Lucky cuddles somewhere in the finale so he gets the emotional pay-off. Has Bucky mentioned really want to punch a bad guy in particular in the face? Give him a chance to smack that asshole around a bit. Has there been a minor relationship drama along the way, like someone leaving their socks lying around? Have them either make a point of putting them away, or the other person just rolling their eyes and accepting it as a part of being with them.

It’s also important to think about where your secondary characters are going to end up, and if it feels like they’ve had an arc that needs resolving. Has there been another pairing with a bit of screen time or some background drama? Give them a chance to make out/make up. Has the bad guy done something that affected one of the other Avengers? Let them have a slice of revenge along the way.

For example, in my plan for Be All You Can Be, one of the original characters I introduced as other soldiers doing Basic Training, Havelka, didn’t turn up again after he’d been kicked back a level to another training unit. When I reread that, it became clear that he needed to prove himself somehow or his arc would be a depressing downward slope partially instigated by Clint and Bucky, so I brought him back at the end to do some First Aid and gave him a line or two to point to how his future was going to go, so the reader knew he was going to be okay.

You don’t have to completely resolve everything of course, and sometimes it is nice to leave a couple of things up to the reader’s imagination, but it’s nice for the reader if there’s a sense of things being tied up in a little bow. 

Ending

So, you’ve resolved your plot, how are you going to handle the actual final ending? 

Depending on how your story has gone, you might not need much after the resolution, or you may need several epilogue-y type scenes just to make sure everything is wrapped up.

Take a moment to think about what feeling you want the reader to take away from the fic. If it’s a romance, do you want to end with a warm fuzz of ‘aw cute’? If it’s been an angsty dig down into Clint or Bucky’s mental health issues, do you want a sense of optimism or catharsis? If there’s been a lot of action and drama, do you want a bit of peace and quiet for your characters to signal it’s all over with?

The best way to end any story is with a sense of hope, even if you’ve not gone for a completely happy ending, or have left yourself open for a sequel with some unresolved plot points. You want the reader to feel at least in some way uplifted. After all, regardless of whatever else has gone before, that’s the emotion they’ll have when they get faced with the Kudos button and the Comment box, so you need them in a good mood, right?

When you know what kind of feeling you want your ending to have, that will give you a major clue as to what the characters should be doing in the final scene.

One thing that can work well is bringing back something from the first scene or two and twisting it to be part of the ending. For example, at the beginning of Be All You Can Be Clint uses the song Make A Man Out Of You from Mulan as a way to torture Bucky, and then at the end, they watch the movie together while snuggling.

You do have to be careful not to be too heavy handed with that, and it doesn’t work in every fic, but I do like the feeling of ‘things coming full circle’ that you can get from doing it.

Afterglow vs. Too Much Ending

I always think that good stories come with a certain amount of ‘afterglow’: Just a scene or two to round things out and give a pointer towards the future. 

For example, in general, I don’t like stories that end with a first kiss, which is one of several reasons I usually find Hollywood romcoms unsatisfying. It feels like too much of a beginning, and leaves too many questions open about how things are actually going to go for the couple in question. As part of a complete ending, it feels more satisfying to have an ‘epilogue’-y type scene afterwards that will give you a sense of how things went from there, even if it’s just a couple of paragraphs about them planning their first date.

I’m sure we can all think of other times we’ve read or watched something and had a moment of ‘oh, was that it?’ after the last sentence/when the credits rolled. Abrupt endings without a bit of afterglow can leave the reader blinking a little and wondering where their damn cuddles are.

That said, you also don’t want to go too far in the opposite direction. If the plot is over, there’s no need to keep going with multiple scenes of fluff or porn that doesn’t really add anything. We don’t need to see their whole lives mapped out, and it can get fairly dull once the tension of the plot is over. Ask yourself if the three chapters of them having sex on every flat surface in their apartment is actually necessary, or if some of them can be cut and used as one-shot sequel/missing scene fics. 

In general if it’s not adding to either the narrative or emotional arcs, try to cap it at a scene or two. Just enough to feel like you’ve had a bit of post-climactic afterglow, but not so much that it’s starting to drag.

In Conclusion…

Ending a fic is, in so many ways, the most satisfying part of writing. You got right the way through your plot to the end! You did all the writing! Your characters made it through to their happy/sad/ambiguous endings! You deserve all the gold stars!

You just want your reader to feel the same way, by making sure the ending fits with what came before, ties up all the ends that need tying up, and leaves them with a deep glow of whatever feeling you want the overall story to convey.

And then you just need to do the editing, but that’s a workshop for another day...

[captainsjack]

gus has been planning his and shawn’s wedding since the 8th grade.

it started out innocent enough, just gus thinking about how he’d like his wedding to be - colour schemes, ties, food, etc, and eventually he even made a little binder of magazine cut outs and his own written ideas, with colour coded tabs, each section cross-referenced with various forms of organization. and then, eventually, somewhere along the way, he realised he was probably, most likely, in love with his best friend, and all of the sudden that ambiguous figure in front of the altar now had shawn’s face, and then gus started thinking about what shawn would like at his wedding - their wedding.

and the binder then became more detailed and more packed with papers, and it was something gus turned to along the years whenever he was feeling particularly depressed about being in love with his best friend.

he keeps it under his bed, hidden away, and only pulls it out when there’s something more he wants to add or when he really can’t stop thinking about how much he loves shawn.

when shawn leaves after high school without saying goodbye, gus almost burns the binder. the only reason he doesn’t, is because it’s actually filled with some good ideas and he doesn’t want all of that to go to waste. so he keeps it under his childhood bed while he’s at college, and the person in front of him at the altar isn’t shawn anymore - it can’t be. no matter how much he wants it to.

when gus packs up his stuff after graduating, after he’s finally found a job and a decent place, he doesn’t really think twice about packing the binder too. he just takes all his things, and the binder is in a box of other important papers that gus brings along.

gus hasn’t thought about the binder in years. when shawn moves back, they fall back into their rhythm pretty quickly, and soon enough, gus realises that those feelings from so long ago never really went away.

the longer shawn stays, the harder it is to stuff those feelings down, and it’s not long before gus is looking over the binder once more. (he’s reread and edited his vows plenty of times, and now gus considers writing a new draft - one that wasn’t written by a 12 year old). as he reads it over again, he realises that he was in love with shawn before he even could put words to it. the unnamed person at which the vows were directed, ones he’d written 20 years ago, everything he’d written about him, were all things he could say to shawn - things he wanted to say - and it was clear to him that the person he was describing had always been his best friend.

they’re at gus’s apartment one night, and apparently gus had been a bit careless this time, because shawn walks out of his bedroom (having just changed his shirt - he’d spilled salsa on it and gus was Not going to have whatever shawn couldn’t or wouldn’t wipe off get all over his couch and pillows) holding the binder, a confused little smirk on his face, and he asks “dude, what’s this?”

gus freezes as he realises what shawn’s holding, and can barely restrain himself from physically punching himself in the face for not putting the binder back under his bed where it belonged.

“nothing,” he chokes out.

shawn flips through a couple more pages, tilting his head a little, and gus is absolutely frozen - his mind completely circuiting out, and shawn looks at him and says, “wow man, you put a lot of thought into this!”

a part of gus relaxes, because, oh, good, maybe shawn hasn’t seen the parts with him in it, maybe he just thinks this is gus planning his own wedding. so he stumbles out with a “uh, oh yeah. i kinda forgot about that, i think it’s from high school,” and turns back to putting their dishes away.

and shawn still has that irritating little smirk on his face and he looks back down at the binder and says, “yeah, cool wedding, but why’s my name in it?”

gus thinks that somehow, all of the oxygen in his apartment has disappeared, and he’s looking anywhere but shawn, when he quickly says, “i have to account for best man stuff,” and hopes to god shawn buys it.

shawn hums lightly, still looking curiously at the page, as he casually makes his way over to gus. “i’m pretty sure vows aren’t directed at the best man.”

oh.

shawn flips through a couple more pages, and gus is absolutely, completely silent, seriously considering just running the fuck out of the place and starting a new life in mexico.

he’s staring at the bowl of apples on the table, body frozen solid, and gus is quite sure he hasn’t breathed in about 3 minutes.

shawn looks back up at gus, tilting his head a bit, and gently puts the binder down on the table.

gus hasn’t moved.

he hasn’t moved, and he’s not planning on moving - he’s perfectly content standing here pretending he doesn’t exist, until he feels shawn’s hand on his face, feels the warmth of his shoulder as it brushes his own, and then shawn’s lips brush against his lightly.

gus is still frozen, but shawn moves closer to him and presses his lips against gus’s again, this time a bit harder. and he kisses him again, and again, and again, until, finally, gus kisses back.

as shawn pulls away once more, hands curled around gus’s neck, his nose brushing his, he smiles against gus. “i like september better, august is too hot,” he murmurs.

eyes still closed, hands slightly loosening on shawn’s hips, gus is only half aware of what’s going on when he says, “but i like summer colors.”

shawn pauses in consideration, lightly pressing another kiss to gus’s mouth. “june then,” he says.

and as gus finally opens his eyes, his brain finally caught up to speed but still filled with so many questions, he smiles softly at shawn and says, “deal.”

shawn grins back and kisses him again.

[lady-bluebird-luv]

Digesting Chapter 138

Don't get me wrong, there were moments in chapter 138 that fucked me up (cough Connie and Jean cough), and I love the art. Eren and Armin’s fight and the final panel with Mikasa, which I want to dig into in a bit, are both especially powerful drawings. Overall, though, I feel much calmer after reading this chapter than I thought I would. I’ve been trying to figure out why that is, and one reason is probably that I expected some of it. The rumbling was going to continue, the explosion wouldn’t have killed Eren, and he was probably going to die in either this chapter or the next one. 

But I also think that part of why I feel so normal is because I’m not thrilled about this chapter. Which is rare for me. I won’t say that I’ve never been peeved about a chapter, since I definitely have been and I just can’t remember the specifics, but it’s been a while. 138 is confusing, it’s disgruntling, and it didn’t pack as much of a punch as AoT usually does. I don’t hate it, but I’m also not here for it, and there are a couple specific moments that make me feel that way.

First, the titanization. 

Like I said, Jean and Connie’s last moments cracked my heart, but even though that last panel of them standing together, watching Falco fly away, was beautiful and painful, I’m so confused about how the titanization happened. The chapter heavily implies that the gas which infects the characters comes from the Hallucigenia-worm-neck-thing.

Okay, bet. I can accept that the spine worm primed the Eldians for titanization. What confuses me, though, is that it’s not clear that the worm triggers the titanization. If anything, it looks like Falco did, which I don’t understand. 

As Falco flies away with Mikasa and Levi on his back, leaving the other characters behind to become titans, Falco screams. After he screams, the Eldians turn into titans. It’s not clear what else could trigger the transformation. There’s no panel of, say, Eren screaming, and from past chapters, titanization is trigged by a scream, not because of exposure to gas or spinal fluid alone. 

So, the chapter looks like it implies that... Falco screams? 

Maybe that’s not what’s going on, but that’s what it looks like, so the titanization makes no sense to me. If Falco screamed The Scream, why? Screaming turns the people that he wants to protect and free, e.g. Gabi and his family, into titans devoid of autonomy. If Falco is the trigger, that also means the titanization was preventable, which is incredibly frustrating given that so many important characters were transformed. 

Maybe someone could say this is a highly dramatized scream of anguish, and that the gas was strong enough to turn the Eldians through exposure alone. Maybe the worm is just insanely powerful. But that sounds like a cop-out, so this is a really confusing, frustrating scene. 

The confusion about the Hallucigenia and its role in titanization is part of a bigger problem with this final arc and this chapter: Ymir and the lore.

 The more I see of the Hallucigenia and Ymir, especially after the weird origin story last chapter, the less sense everything makes. I have a lot to say about Eren’s death, and I’ll get into it more some other time, but for now, I want to focus on Ymir’s reaction to it.

Putting aside how morbidly funny I think her presence is, why is she smiling? Ymir has either helped or controlled Eren, I’m still not completely sure which, for a long time at this point. She’s invested in him. His death seems like it would be a massive loss for her own objectives, but when Eren fails, Ymir just... watches. 

Her smile definitely makes me think that there’s much more going on here than she’s letting on, but I also can’t figure out what the hell that “more” is. At this point, watching her react this way, I don’t understand what she wants or her dynamic with Eren. Last chapter’s lore confused me, too, so this chapter’s weirdness exacerbated my frustration with not knowing what’s going on. 

Why this panel from last chapter confuses me is a whole other text post, and I don’t want to go off on a tangent, but basically, if she made the titans/ Hallucigenia to have an undying body, and if she meant to escape to a free world, whether that’s the paths or something else, she didn’t succeed. It’s also not clear to me whether she completely controls the thing in Eren’s neck, or if she only made it. 

Ymir and the founding titan’s powers are massive components of the rumbling and Eren’s behavior. They also don’t make sense. After last chapter’s lore threw me off, I hoped that 138 and 139 might shed some more light on the titans’ origins and Ymir. After reading 138, I’m more confused, and I’m started to give up on trying to wrap my head around any of it. It’s still intriguing, but I’m increasingly frustrated, and it makes the series’ ending feel rushed. 

Beyond Ymir, I’m not into the ending in general. And yeah, it’s because of That Final Panel. 

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I LOVE the imagery. It’s so dramatic and macabre, and I’m excited about what fanart it might inspire. I don’t also love it thematically. 

I’ve seen a lot of really vitriolic reactions to it, especially from people who dislike EreMika. For me, I’m just bummed about it means for Mikasa’s character.

One of, if not her greatest, defining traits for YEARS has been her love for Eren. Especially after Eren’s rampage in Liberio, it became more and more clear that her development would have to mean letting go of that devotion, or at least not let it keep her from stopping his plans. 

Mikasa rejecting the dream and killing Eren fulfills that development, but the kiss undermines it.

The kiss is closure. A goodbye. It is also still a kiss on the lips, which, at least for me and in the culture I grew up in, reads as romantic. Since Eren is dead, it’s also unreciprocated. The scene is both as Mikasa letting go of Eren and perpetuating the same (recently toxic) devotion she’s had for the whole series.

I’m not saying that I don’t think she should have closure. It makes sense that, after such an intense relationship, her goodbye is going to be tender. Nevertheless, I don’t think that the kiss is the form that closure had to take. Even if it took the form of a kiss, I don’t think that it needed to be on the lips. It’s like Yams can’t decide whether he really wants Mikasa to lose her love interest or not. Or, by extension, to not be defined by Eren. 

Over the years, I’ve gotten exasperated with how much Yams writes Mikasa focusing on Eren. This end doesn’t read like she breaks free the way she needs to. Saying “see you later” instead of “goodbye” right before she kills Eren also reflects her attachment, although the dream/vision/??? is a WHOLE different rabbit hole and that line is up for a shit ton of interpretation. 

As you can see from the watermarked panels, I’m not using an official English translation, so maybe the official English pages might clarify some things when they come out. I doubt it, though, since my frustrations don’t hinge on interpreting slight differences in wording. It’s also true that this is a pretty raw reaction, so my opinions might still develop, and I might figure out some of the lore and confusing panels that I���m stumped on. 

Nevertheless, this is how I feel right now, and based on what I’ve seen, I’m not the only one. If you liked the chapter, you do you. This is just my opinion. Everyone values and focuses on different elements of a story. Even though I just slammed the chapter for about 1400 words, I also liked some parts of it. 

In the end, it still doesn’t bode well for the manga’s ending. An author doesn’t have to explain every mystery and ambiguity for me to like a story. Grey areas and space for interpretation actually make a series stronger, in my opinion, but only to a point. Right now, there’s just too much that seems out of reach. I don’t blame Yams for wanting to be done with the manga after, as of about a week and a half from now, 11 years. At the same time, when I read this chapter, it felt like it was written by someone who was ready for it to be over, and not in a good way. I’ll wait and see how everything ends, but so far, I think the ending is... kind of underwhelming, unfortunately. 

[atlascas]

DEANCAS FIC REC

(last updated 7/1)

FINALLY. this is like. just a place for me to rec and write excessively abt the fics i've been reading lately. it won't be organized but it WILL be very earnest and i'll keep it updated as i find/remember more. also i have obnoxiously high standards when it comes to fic so these ARE the cream of the crop, if u will. the god tier. the s tier. 

very loosely organized into "newer fic" and "classics." these are subjective categories. do what you will

✨ = new fic on the list

💖 = in my brain rent free!

CURRENTLY READING

these are the fics that i’m currently reading! may or may not get recced. usually i read the first couple paragraphs/lines and if i like the writing it gets bookmarked and put on this list.

lazarus needs a robe of scarlet thread by herrosesneverfall, 90k, canonverse au. dean starts getting stigmata. when i was getting back into spn there were a LOT of religious fics flying around bc that was the Hot Topic of Discussion. this was one of them

Three weeks ago, Dean woke up in a pine box. He thought dealing with the nightmares was going to be the most difficult part of his new life after Hell, but at least they were something he could understand. Something he could deal with. Something he deserved.

Then he began having agonizing visions of crucifixion. Wounds appeared on his body out of nowhere. Wounds that refused to heal and coated his skin with the sickly sweet smell of roses.

Stigmata are said to be the marks of saints, but Dean is not a saint and the wounds are only the beginning.

kingdom come by ahurston, 8.7k, coda to 15x18. cas gets to go home. im gathering all the s15 fix-its to my heart and holding them close

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

hunger by ellispark, 10.8k, s13 au. dean grieves cas, post s12 finale. perfect writing perfect awful heartwrenching characterization so far on dean’s end especially towards jack. nuanced emotional writing

Dean takes his meal and throws it away, plate and all. He's not hungry. How can he even begin to eat, knowing what he kept from Cas — what he kept from both of them?

They could have had something, and now all Dean has is this gaping, empty hole in his stomach, in his chest, and he has to learn to breathe and eat and move around it.

the law of equivalent exchange by awed_frog, 60.8k, canonverse. cas loving dean in all permutations of humanity, throughout time.

“And what’s the point of it?”

“Of love? There isn’t one. Loving is its own purpose.”

NEWER FIC

“newer” just means “i discovered it in 2020/2021 after coming back to spn fandom” so it very well could have been published before 2015 but really who’s checking. not me that’s for sure.

💖 so says the sword by komodobits, 85k, s4 au. cas guards the michael sword in the beautiful room. this is easily the MOST obvious rec on this entire list but it was the first fic i read when i got back into spn this year and jesus christ it set the bar sky fucking high. the way they create a coherent mythology out of the mess that is spn canon is incredible.

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’

Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.

assimilation by komodobits, 5.6k, coda to 12x01. mary meets dean and cas and they go to find sam. such good character studies of all three of them. the best mary pov fic i’ve read

Mary always thought you were supposed to be able to tell. That you could just look at someone and know they were – you know. One of that sort. It’s not supposed to happen to her son.

cuckoo and nest by komodobits, 10k, ambiguously canonverse. dean and cas navigate relationship anxiety. cute, in character, and their relationship is realistic and the conflict well-written and emotionally nuanced and really really really good. 

For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental.

It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

💖 one white lie by komodobits, 11k, au. cas panics when trying to ask dean out and has to fake being a jehovah’s witness. it’s adorable and hilarious and it’s been ages since i actually got butterflies at a kiss in a fic but this did it. it did it. it felt like someone swaddled my soul in a cashmere blanket and kissed me on the forehead

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (scaramouche), 11.5k, set during s6. cas comes to as his s4 self without any memories of the past two years and has to figure out what the fuck is going on. it’s kind of like so says the sword. you’ll know it when you get to it.

Castiel is captured inside a trapping circle of holy oil set by Dean and Sam Winchester. The brothers call him "Cas", claiming that he has amnesia and that he is obligated to help them take down Crowley to atone for his betrayal of them. It's the strangest story Castiel's ever heard, and one he doesn't have time for because he's only just raised Dean from Hell and has work to get back to.

💖 cas and dean’s adventures in gardening by ahurston, 19k, post-canon au. a series featuring dean and cas living in the bunker, human. cas is very into plants. i read this yesterday actually and it made me smile SO much it’s just so lovely and sweet. i’m also a sucker for any fic where cas has a garden. he deserves a fucking garden okay

In this post-God world, everything is different. A little quieter, a little softer. Cas grows a garden, Dean cooks, and they take care of each other.

tall grass by aeli_kindara, 57k, post-s12. dean and cas live in the bunker on their own, and cas grows a garden. i did say i love fics where cas has a garden. plus domesticity, plus some good case fic, PLUS dean and cas’ relationship is so gentle and good

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says.

Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away.

Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

in a week by renrub, 2.3k, post 15x18. cas is in the empty. dean saves him. this is genuinely the best “dean pulls cas out of the empty” fic i’ve read so far like conceptually this entire thing just fucks. when cas is cycling through the barn scene. god. SO well written

Castiel is outside a barn covered in sigils. He frowns. This isn’t right. This has never been something he repented for.

i won’t even wish for snow by annie d (scaramouche), 5.6k, college au. cas goes to the winchesters’ for christmas. honestly scaramouche fics belong in the classics section bc she’s like an og deancas writer but whatever. mistletoe! banter! good in-character au! this fic’s got it all

It’s the third year that Castiel’s spending Christmas with his best friend’s family, and he expects it to be much like the previous two. Then mistletoe happens.

convenient husbands by annie d (scaramouche), 39k, canonverse au. cas is a phoenix, dean is a hunter. they get married and have a sick psychic bond. unexpectedly fluffy considering how the fic starts and i love the banter so much and dean/cas’ relationship gets fleshed out and organically developed it’s very cute

"It's only temporary, right?" Dean says. "Just until you're healed up, and then we'll never have to see each other again. So what do you say, Castiel, do you want to marry me or not?"

cinderwings by bendingsignpost, 181k, cinderella au. cas goes to a masquerade ball to save his people from an eternity trapped in a void. he meets prince dean. i can’t tell u how much this fic drew me in - thru good worldbuilding, but mostly thru cas’ social awkwardness. like it works PERFECTLY to his advantage in this fic and reading how expertly he manipulates social situations w/o any fucking idea what he’s doing is both hilarious and inspiring

Under the cover of a masquerade ball, Castiel has five nights to recover the key to his people's freedom. The world has changed greatly in the six centuries since their banishment into the void, but the task isn't impossible. Unfortunately for Castiel, this is going to involve talking to people - especially the Knight Prince who has taken an interest in Castiel and his "costume" wings.

as the crow flies by bendingsignpost, 3.4k, au. dean and cas go on a roadtrip. cas has wings! it’s so dreamlike and meandering and the slowburn is so good. honestly it reminds me of stevebucky/stevesam post tws era roadtrip fics if ur hip LMAO

Cross country road trips with Cas are the best.

long-term relationship by bendingsignpost, 2.7k, au. dean and cas have a Serious Conversation about their relationship.

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers, 7k, ambiguously canonverse. dean is trans. dean and cas are fucking and lowkey hiding it from sam. perfect character study PERFECT trans dean fic it’s so fucking well-written 

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

💖 the love story of the runner up by margo_kim, 4.7k, ambiguously canonverse. cas tries dating other men. bear with me here. this is an outside pov fic from an oc named miguel who is WONDERFULLY characterized and very endearing like i find outsider/oc pov to be on Thin Fucking Ice bc it always ends up as fandom/author self-insert but miguel is his OWN MAN. he gets his own lil arc and everything. dean and cas are concentrated perfectly crystallized versions of themselves and the little glimpses we get of them are amazing. ALSO i wrote like 9k of an spn vent fic (basically the same premise but w an oc named marcus) back in like. freshman yr of hs. so when i first opened this fic i was like what the fuck someone’s been in my google docs. very weird experience 10/10 regardless

“So you saw a white man in a trench coat pop out in an alley,” Paul says, “and you thought, what, ‘I want to see where this is going’?”

“If you get hung up on details like that,” Miguel says, “it will take a very long time to get through this story.”

For a very weird era in his life, Miguel dates an angel who is in love with another man.

sunshine by northernsparrow, 8k, set during s13. dean and cas have a long conversation about their Profound Bond. the description left me off-balance (it really. really truly says “dean is straight in this fic” like okay bro WEIRD hill to die on) but it pulled through w the relationship study and reassurance and snuggles. a sweet fic

One-shot with a single conversation between Dean and Castiel, set in a late-S13-ish world. Gabriel, Cas, Sam & Dean are all living in the bunker together, Gabe's been cracking certain jokes, Sam's found a certain book, Cas is injured and isn’t healing... and it's all making Dean wonder if his angel friend might have some sort of a "bond" with... somebody? Whatever that means.

Maybe it's time for a talk.

💖 still life by catchclaw, 16.5k, post-s8. cas, newly human, goes to live on his own for a while. he and dean maintain a relationship thru the phone. this is LITERALLY the only first person fic i fucking respect okay like i was skeptical! i really was! but the pov is PERFECT and also my man kevin tran is in this fic and i love him and miss him very much. oh and cas going off to explore humanity on his own..............perfect arc. very much in character we love that for him

Dean'd always thought that falling in love was a capital letter kind of thing, an Important Event you carved into the calendar of your life and never, ever forgot. But with he and Cas, it wasn't that simple.

it’s mostly cowardice, and bad timing by ferritin4, 1.6k, pre-canon. actually this one is just a dean study it’s not deancas but i spent an entire night looking for it and i need someone else to read it too. dean is smart!!! SAY THAT

Dean gets his GED.

a list of reasons the bunker shouldn’t get a sofa by lizbobjones, 5.6k, set during s12. sam and dean and mary and cas haul a sofa back to the bunker. cute domesticity and fluff

Let me count the ways that this is a terrible idea.

no kingdom to come by domesticadventures, 16.8k, canonverse. dean and cas deal with being stuck in quarantine in different ways. this is the one and only quarantine fic i’ve read and it’s really good lmao. dean and cas’ relationship is so organic and tentative in this one

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

till the juice runs by deathbanjo, 8.4k, canonverse. it’s like dean’s being cursed to have bad hookups with men. SUCH a funny fic and the deancas tension is so simple and sweet and GOOD. plus cas is so enjoyably characterized here he’s so human and worn in and experienced in his own unique way. perfect use of rowena too

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

turn of the year by kototyph, 3.9k, canonverse au. sam and dean get stuck out in the middle of nowhere on the winter solstice. what i wouldn’t give for a full 80k of this verse actually. also i went on a kototyph binge after reading shut up put your money where your mouth is and they have a SOLID spn repertoire

Fifteen minutes later, Dean gets back in the car with empty hands and ice in his fucking eyebrows. “Get the map out,” he says through chattering teeth, sticking numb fingers under his arms.

Sam holds up the battered 1995 Rand MacNally they keep in the side pocket, turned to a page of uninterrupted green. “We’re going to die,” he announces.

💖 bullets in the gun by kototyph, 4.9k, canonverse au. cas is a cop (i know. still) who gets kidnapped by dean in an unfortunate turn of events. GOD this fic is SO FUNNY. cas’ canny and strategic escape attempts render him a very active VERY funny pov character plus the hate attraction to dean is PERFECTLY WRITTEN VERY BELIEVABLE. dean’s kindness also shines thru even as he literally holds cas hostage like!!!! PERFECT characterization. both of them are so LIKABLE here. if you read anything on this list read this

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to need to borrow your car.”

as you will by kototyph, 1.8k, victorian au. cas endures a proposal mishap. it’s cute it’s funny it’s sweet!

"No?" Castiel echoes, dumbly.

and if i was looking too? by kototyph, 2.6k, au. cas is undercover where dean works. this fic is just so cute like. bird angels.................

There are some things Castiel hasn't told Dean, and there are some things he doesn't need to.

the most important thing by northernsparrow, 94.5k, s10 au. amnesiac cas raising claire until he comes across someone familiar. claire is so well characterized here i really loved her arc thruout this fic. she just wants her dad back and u can’t even blame her the author rlly does an amazing job creating realistic and heartbreaking motivations for her. oh and dean and cas (esp cas characterization!) are sweet in this but honestly the highlight IS claire for me

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

there’s only one sure thing that i know by blinkiesays, 20.3k, post-s5. dean goes to help cas out in ohio and they end up building a home together. i love the writing it’s rlly funny and sweet.

Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

💖 to an angel, love and worship are the same thing by geminisage, 10.3k, post s15 fix it. dean grieves cas - and then cas gets brought back back from the empty. i didn’t have this in my bookmarks so i MISSED it the first time around on this list but this was another one of the fics i came back to spn fandom to. it’s so fucking unique?? it actually reads like spn like i think fic tends to soften dean/cas up and makes them more emotional + emotionally intelligent than is ever shown in the show. here the dialogue/characterization adheres RIGOROUSLY to their communication in canon in that dean’s not overtly emotional, and cas is very reserved. they have to negotiate their relationship exactly like they would in the show. it’s all clipped conversation and anger and hurt and (warning btw) LOTS of internalized homophobia on dean’s end but it’s SO worth it. dean navigating his [GESTURES VAGUELY] everything is compellingly written, emotionally true, and PERFECTLY characterized. cas characterization also amazing like u rlly feel the quiet devoted bittersweet love. ok this was long clearly it’s a good fic go read it now

Just as Dean knew they would, the weeks do stretch into months, and then into a year. Grief never gets easier, Dean knows from experience, but you do get better at it. After all, you can get used to anything.

the violin house by teh_helenables, 8.5k, post-s5. dean and cas build a home after stull. so slow and lovely and sweet and gentle. i need to put this here so that i don’t forget it tbh. it’s very much dean as a war wife cas as the husband away on the front

The Apple Pie Life is a slow process, but Dean and Cas are getting there—until Cas is called for battle and Dean is forced to wait.

💖 muscle memory by komodobits, 18.9k, au. amnesiac cas wakes up three years in the future with dean in his kitchen. komodobits DOES NOT FUCKING MISS!!! i CRIED at the end of this i had NO INTENTION OF CRYING the rest of the fic isn’t even SAD i just had to sit there at the end of it w tears dribbling down my face. INSANE work of art

Dear Castiel,

Hello – it’s Castiel. This must all seem very confusing, and I’m sorry for that. Dean says to tell you that this isn’t some kind of ‘time-travel stunt’, although I’m sure that won’t be your first thought. I know it wasn’t mine. I’ve told Dean to leave now, as this is my notebook and I want everything in it to come from me – or rather, from you. I know you think it's the fifteenth of January, 2010, but it isn't. At the time of my writing this, the date is the fourth of October, 2013. Dean Winchester is your boyfriend of a year and a half, and you no longer work at the library, and in early 2010 you were hit by a car and hospitalised. I’m sorry.

a.k.a the 50 First Dates Dean/Cas AU where Castiel wakes up on a day just like any other, except that three years have passed without his knowing, and Dean Winchester is in the kitchen wanting to marry him.

don’t forget the experience points by annie d (scaramouche), 10.8k, au. cas is sam’s work friend, and he and dean get to know each other. genuinely an adorable fic. i adore cas’ characterization in this it’s snarky AND awkward AND confident in a way that i absolutely believe he would be if he had 30 yrs of human life under his belt

It's because Dean was an awesome brother than he took such an interest in Sam's new friend. No, really. What happened afterwards was mostly an accident.

actus fidei by manic_intent, 5.6k, canonverse au. dean’s a priest, cas is still his angel. i was HOOKED from the description alone like That’s Everything I Love in One Sentence. Cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the very first time that Castiel manifests in front of Father Dean Winchester, he gets as far as "Rejoice, for you are blessed-" before Dean shoots him with a salt-loaded shotgun.

not with a bang but a yelp by strange_estrangement, 1.4k, canonverse. team free will leave yelp reviews. this isn’t d/c actually it’s just a crack-ish fic but the formatting is cool and the references are SO funny and so well done

What happens when you visit dozens and dozens of motels every year? You leave Yelp reviews.

the courtship of combat by bendingsignpost, 18.2k, medieval a/b/o au. cas is politically coerced into fighting in a courtship melee for prince dean's hand, and he teams up with two unexpected allies to do it. I KNOW HOW THE ABO THING SOUNDS but i swear it's done well - it's by bendingsignpost so ofc he puts his own spin on the premise. im absurdly into it. PLUS jack is in it!!!!!!! it's technically an unfinished series but the first part is so good just on its own

When pressed upon to mate for a political alliance, Commander Castiel dares to refuse his king. As “I do not wish to mate at all” is clearly the wrong thing to say, Castiel takes the other path and lies. “You must know my affections lie elsewhere, my king.”

King Michael studies Castiel’s face long and hard. Then, with a nod, he snaps his fingers, pointing to Castiel. “The Winchester omega.”

“Yes,” Castiel says with no real recollection of who that is.

The ruse of an unavailable omega works well enough, right up until that omega is no longer unavailable. Then, with what seems to be his entire nation cheering him on toward victory, Castiel must enter the melee to win his mate. Backed by allies, training, and his own natural talents, the only question is how well he can contrive to fail.

four letter word for intercourse by bendingsignpost, 194.7k, au. dean calls a sex hotline. OH BOY solid characterization excellent plot/premise like bendingsignpost is so good at turning absurd premises into realistic, believable fiction. also sex hotline fic is usually a BIG turn-off bc of the power dynamics/one-sidedness of a relationship based on sex work but. BUT. bendingsignpost does it well! it’s not weird at ALL i started reading and was immediately reassured abt its intentions and its plot direction

As a grease monkey turned college freshman, Dean's constantly three seconds away from being stressed out of his mind. It hardly helps that he's finally figuring out his sexuality in his thirties.

What might help with that stress is a little phone number (and a big credit card bill). If he can't figure out how to be bisexual in person, he can at least give it a go over the phone, right?

(It's probably a bad idea, but he really can't help himself.)

the tunnel of love by xylodemon, 21.4k, post-canon. case fic! dean and cas have to kiss on a loveboat to solve a case >:)

"We might," Cas starts slowly, pausing like he's choosing his words. "We might have to kiss."

Dean just stares at him.

when you have a future. by firebog, 17.6k, post-s8. dean and sam and cas learning to be human post-apocalypse. reminds me of robotmango’s writing! it’s kind of eccentric and very very sweet and funny.

Sam closes Hell. Castiel closes Heaven. The heroes save the day. There's no Heaven or Hell waiting to cause the next big disaster. There's no more end of the world. There's only a squirmy feeling in his chest that feels a lot like freedom. So, now what?

(Things I promise you in this fic: dog poetry, rabbits, and fluff)

six inch heels by alitneroon, 2.3k, canonverse. dean does drag! excellent fucking character study. prose is fantastic

Dean does drag on a whim, and ends up in way over his head.

sharing is caring by gateskeeper, 2.5k, canonverse. five times dean and cas shared something and one time they didn’t. look. sometimes u just need some saccharine tropey fluff. it’s VERY well written

Sam knows that Dean and Cas have shared a lot together, but ever since Cas became human permanently, it seems like they've been sharing a lot more. 

Or: five times Dean and Cas shared something special and one time Dean refused to.

💖 empty spaces by schmerzerling, 60k, au. dean has to take care of his dying father, and takes up running to cope. that’s just the beginning. HEAVY trigger warnings for ED (specifically anorexia) and suicidal thoughts. there is a happy ending, but dean has to fight to make it there. god. okay. this is a dark fic. it’s also one of the most well-characterized fics i’ve ever read. dean’s spiral is excruciatingly accurate and written with the kind of wry compassion that comes from either extensive research or extensive experience. it’s also completely immersed in dean’s perspective - dean’s relationship w his dad, dean’s relationship w food scarcity, etc. it’s incredible. it’s kinda scary. it’s deeply sad. cas is explicitly autistic and it’s ALSO incredibly accurate and loving, and makes cas so true to his canon self. ugh. and i burst into TEARS at some of the accompanying art, which is so sparse and lonely and beautiful. 100/10 experience one of the best fics i’ve read this year

Dean is fine. The way he sees it, things are simple. He had a house and a family and food in his stomach, and now he doesn't. And yeah, that's a downer, but he's not going to let that stop him from being fine, because he's in control of the situation. He definitely doesn't need anyone to save him. And it's not like the weird guy with the nice butt from down the road is the knight-in-shining-armor type, anyway.

broken road by thegeminisage, 109.6k, 14x13 au. dean makes a wish and gets more than he bargained for. a lot of “john comes back” fics are kinda short on nuance, which this author has talked about a lot - and oh MAN does this fic deliver on nuance. john’s abuse is absolutely present, but his pov makes him a complex character instead of a flat caricature for dean to reject. and the way this fic resolves really makes it clear that the priority is dean’s emotional well-being over all else!!! this isn’t about dean taking the path fandom thinks he should take w his abuser (killing john, punching john in the face, etc), this is abt dean coming to terms w his abuse and finding his own emotionally satisfying way of resolving it. also dean and cas are in an established relationship and it’s very slow and sweet.

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end. 

home is not a place by imogenbynight, 6.8k, post-s11. human cas struggles with belonging, and dean struggles with their relationship. this reads a lot like komodobits’ cuckoo and nest, but it’s its own sweet little thing. they watch movies!!! very cute 

In which Dean is the oblivious one for a change.

love: a retrospective by xylodemon, 40.7k, post-s12. dean tries to deal w cas’ absence after s12 and reflects on their relationship thru the years. this was written before s13 aired, so - no spoilers - but jack plays a different role than he ends up playing in canon. it’s kinda fun seeing ppl’s theories pre-s13 tbh. makes me VERY glad that they took jack in the direction they did in show. anyway this is THEE definitive “they’ve been fucking all along” fic

Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker.

✨💖 if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee, 37k, post-s15 fix-it. cas gets broken out of the empty - and he immediately makes a break for it. new fave fix-it!!!! the writing is so understated and so straightforward - SO in character for cas tbh - that every single emotional beat feels like a PUNCH. and there are so many amazing character moments it made my chest seize the fuck up!!!!! perfect characterization perfect relationship moments perfect cas/jack parenting moments. the yearning over the phone is OFF THE CHARTS and spocklee makes the most of that tension!!!! PLUS old canon characters get to make fun appearances!!!!! i cannot recommend this shit enough

After the Empty, Cas has to spend some time alone. Orpheus tries to convince Eurydice over the phone that it’s okay to turn around now.

✨ before and after breakfast by spocklee, 10.5k, post-canon. dean and sam and cas tackle a monster of the week case with unexpected consequences. perfect pov perfect relationship moments SUCH GOOD TENSION. again this writing style just lets the tension dial up to 1000% every word is meaningful and it makes my chest hurt!!! spocklee SHOULD have blown up during the spn renaissance and i STAND by that

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

CLASSICS

isn't it cool how every person has diff fics they consider "classics?" anyway these are required fucking reading. if u've been around these will prob be old news.

💖 asunder by rageprufrock, 23k, au. dean and cas go to sam's wedding. i reread this once a year like a religious ritual.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:6)

💖 the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock, 15k, set during s5. dean teaches cas how to be human. mostly the sex part. literally the gold fucking standard of s4-5 era deancas fic and for deancas fic in general, personally

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

okay, cupid. by orange_crushed, 4.5k, au. dean tries to sign up for an ok cupid profile and has a revelation. as soon as i put this entry down i realized this entire fic rec was an exercise in futility, because if i could i'd literally just rec everything orange_crushed/robotmango has ever written. still one of THEE best authors in this fandom. go read all her fics. i’ll put the highlights here

"The dating thing?" Dean frowns. "Online dating is for weirdos. Robots. Dudes hanging out in their basements."

"You hang out in your basement."

"I have an air hockey table down there,” Dean says, icily.

💖 pwp: pie without plot by orange_crushed and majorenglishesquire, 82k, post-s8. sam and dean and cas quit hunting for a little bit to open a bakery. this is my comfort fic. i love it so so much.

he is in the kitchen with flour on his hands and an apron and there is flour on his forehead and cas leans across the counter and wipes it off with his thumb and dean says "thank you" and cas says "you’re welcome" very seriously and later dean makes apple turnovers and he only ruins them a little and sam realizes it’s not a real hunt like four days into it and he lets dean stay undercover for like a week and a half or longer maybe way longer because he is such a good everything

💖 la cucina by orange_crushed, 4k, post-s8. dean gets into cooking for a newly human cas. it's so gentle and loving and kind and makes me tear up every time. YES food is a comfort item and expression of love for dean. no i don't want to talk about it

Dean turns around and Castiel is picking through the jars, turning them over carefully to read the labels, totally engrossed. Dean watches him.

"Is there," Dean says, "uh, anything in there you like?" Castiel looks up at him and then back at the apples, sitting in a basket on the counter in their golden skins, ripe and pretty. Castiel smiles up at Dean.

"I don’t know yet," he says.

today, your barista verse by orange_crushed, 13.6k, coffeeshop au. a series of short sweet lovely fics where cas is a barista and dean is a smitten customer. literally the only coffeeshop au i respect

"Is that-"

"My number," says Dean, because he's a fucking champion, he's cool, he's collected, he's Captain Smooth of the USS Smoothtania, that's right. He is definitely not leaning against the counter for moral support. Cas doesn't looked seduced or impressed, though. He does not look like a dude who just met Captain Smooth and wants to ride the loveboat. He looks puzzled.

fata morgana. by orange_crushed, 6.6k, post-s9. dean is the king of hell. bela and cas team up to find him. bela pov. yeah you fucking heard that right BELA POV. BELA AND CAS!!!!!!!!!! makes me lose my mind i love everyone in this stupid desolate fucking hell wasteland.

The endless asphalt and broken road, the empty land and piles of human garbage, the unwanted ends of life, the cracked toys and broken screens and burning cars and gravel. Dean Winchester is the king of hell.

"Oh," says Bela.

That changes certain things.

💖 gran fury. by orange_crushed, 5k, pacific rim au. sam and cas pair up in a last ditch mission to save the world. permanently damaged me at age 15 and i've never recovered. major fucking angst warning.

They sit in silence and Castiel passes him the bottle. There’s not much left to say. Sam takes a gulp and it burns going down, like the cheap shit it is. He holds the bottle up against the light. He can see the Fury through it, distorted like a funhouse mirror. She’s a tomb but Sam loves her. Loves everything that’s left.

"To the end of the world," he says.

"To the end of the world," says Castiel.

💖 shut up (put your money where your mouth is) by kototyph, 24k, au. dean and cas get drunk married in vegas. dean renovates cas' house. this fic is SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered/expected and the entire series is fucking adorable go read it RIGHT now

Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

not part of the plan by annie d (scaramouche), 338k, arranged marriage au. cas is slated to marry a noble from the winchester house. things spiral out of control. if you’re looking for an extensive well-developed political au, this is fucking it. i love reading about political machinations so this was FASCINATING to me. 

Castiel's spent most of his adult life keeping his head down and staying out of trouble. This is a deliberate choice on his part, because as a cousin of the King, he'd rather stay unimportant and forgotten. This changes abruptly when King Michael decides that he has a better use for Castiel: he is to be wed to a noble member of the neighboring Republic, as part of an agreement between their two nations.

Castiel knows he has to obey, but that doesn't mean he won't rebel in what small ways he can. Unexpectedly, his actions end up having far-reaching consequences.

💖 all things shining by askance and standbyme, 142k, au. sam and dean and cas go on a hunt that's not really a hunt, and against all odds good things happen. it's beautifully written and has scenes that literally make my heart leap out of my chest with joy and awe it's just WONDERFUL it's a wonderful fic. incredible mythology too omg i found that the authors actually created the myth the entire story is based on - like they don’t pull a random one from history, they made one up THEMSELVES. they even self-published it on amazon if ur curious

Something in the world is waking up.

It isn’t long before it’s brought to the attention of the Winchesters and Castiel: miracles are spreading across the country, the paranormal seems to be shrinking back on itself—and it all has something to do with the missing prayer book of a traveling preacher who died over a century ago.

Dean is convinced it’s all the lead-up to another Apocalypse; Sam and Castiel aren’t so sure. Regardless, it sends them out on a less-than-typical road-trip, following the Mississippi and remnants of a very old story that seems increasingly to call to them. And along the way the trio learn much more about themselves—and the consequences and origins of love—than they’d ever have anticipated.

💖 broadway musical by griftings, 12.4k, crack. romcom where cas is supposed to play matchmaker to dean and jo and well. you know. it actually made me cackle out loud when i read it again so you know it's still good. absolutely one of the funniest fics i’ve read

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

the five people you meet in heaven by chevrolangels, 22k, ambiguously canonverse. dean dies and goes to heaven and meets five people from his life. NOT a post-finale fic but still horrifically sad. i remember sobbing hysterically when i first read this so

Heaven is white.

Well. Isn’t that fucking stereotypical.

Dean isn’t really sure how he got here. Or even why he’s here. And hell, for all the times the Winchesters have died, he thinks he ought to know the drill by now. But what he doesn’t know is when most folks go, they find something different.

There’s a system God put in place. That when you’re gone (for good), there are a couple things you gotta do first. There are five people waiting for you.

They are the five people you meet in heaven.

any port in a storm by microcomets, 53k, post-s8. dean and cas go on a haunted cruise for a case. you know what happens next. also the art is by anobviousaside and it's gorgeous

The angels have fallen, leaving Castiel graceless and Dean with, well, more of other people’s problems. When a string of couples goes missing on the east coast, Dean and Cas decide to investigate—and find themselves trapped and hunted on a couples’ counseling cruise. Although battling monsters at sea is dangerous enough, sorting through emotional baggage proves to be far more deadly. (And, in which Cas embarks to find his missing grace and Dean is put out. Not necessarily in that order.)

a turn of the earth by microcomets, 95k, pre-canon au. cas is on the run from the empty and crash lands in dean's life. at one point he punches john in the face. a fucking beautifully written character study of pre-canon dean, honestly.

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

unfinished duet by microcomets, 5.8k, canonverse. sam observes dean and cas throughout the years. i remember this breaking my heart back in 2013!

Sam watches Dean and Cas over the years and notices a few things. (Or, Dean and Cas unscripted.)

💖 ergative/absolutive by glassedplanets, 8k, college au. dean and cas are best friends who meet in an astronomy class. i'm never not thinking about this fic it's so sweet and the friends to lovers is so soft and believable

He really shouldn’t be thinking thoughts like this about his best friend who literally just broke up with his girlfriend, but he knows he’ll blame it on sleepiness in the morning. He always does.

a certain light by flightagain, 24k, au. cas works at the gas n sip. dean is a customer. this author’s writing style is so lonely and heavy but it’s very lovely

Castiel works at the Gas-n-Sip. There are half-price nachos and flickering lights, there are office-workers and werewolves stopping by for snacks. Dean is a frequent customer, and his office might be haunted.

the one thing you can’t lose by majorenglishesquire, 5k, ambiguously canonverse. dean can pull cas around and it’s adorable. character study-ish. very sweet.

You know what I like a lot? The thought that Dean can just tug Cas anywhere at any time and Cas, who can lift tons without effort, who can demolish things with the light of his grace, who has battled and gone to war, has defended and broken, will just let Dean do it.

brother lover by twentysomething, 4k, set during s4/s5. dean’s jealous of sam and cas’ budding relationship. this fic is so tropey but it does it well and it’s funny as fuck

However- and it doesn't happen a lot- they have to invoke 'I saw her first.’

his fucking kids by 8sword, 3k, canonverse au. dean and cas raise claire and emma together. yes, claire novak. yes, emma of 7x13 spice girls fame. this was the first kidfic i read for spn i think. obvs written before jack or claire actually came back into the picture but it was the TEMPLATE of kidfic for me for ages

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

💖 what has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? by annie d (scaramouche), 16k, post s8. dean gets turned into an octopus. another fic that was SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered i fucking love when that happens. it isn’t even about dean being an OCTOPUS like NO. NOT EVEN. it’s ACTUALLY about the bunker and building a home and a community and a family and about PHYSICAL COMFORT and you can actually feel the world expanding at the end of this fic like a gusty sigh of relief it’s SO WONDERFUL. kevin is in this fic. ellie is too and i had to look her up but THIS is her!!!! danay garcia u were too hot to stay on this show but i love you and miss u

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

💖 a beginner’s guide to communing with the dead by suspiciousflashlight, 77k, canonverse au. dean is a cop who summons a powerful entity to help him solve a cold case. oh my god i can’t believe i didn’t put this on here i love this one so much. the writing bowls me over it’s so confident in its worldbuilding like you’re IMMEDIATELY plunged into dean’s pov (FLAWLESSLY executed throughout the fic btw) and you just learn about the world as you go!! and it’s such a fascinating world!!! i love the magic i love the typical bureaucratic red tape procedures i love normalizing the supernatural. i ESPECIALLY love monsters as normal people in a society. at one point there’s this exchange

“Monsters,” says Cas finally. “Beyond the Wall there are monsters.” “You mean, like, vampires and djinn and stuff?” Cas shakes his head. “Those aren’t monsters, those are just people.”

those lines have stayed with me for years. i think about them every time i rewatch an episode of spn.

Maybe it's the little girl whose disappearance turned into a murder, and whose murder turned into a cold case, and who has now apparently decided to move in with him. Maybe it's the unacceptable hole left in his life when his dumb best friend and partner in (the prevention of) crime decided to go and get himself killed. Maybe it's his brother, whose high-profile career and fantastic girlfriend and first-child-on-the-way are steadily leaving Dean in the dust. Pick one. Pick all of them. The why doesn't matter so much as the what, and the what is this: Dean is pretty sure he's going completely, certifiably insane. Sure, he hasn't started wearing all his clothes inside out, and he still showers on a regular basis (anyways, that's not crazy, just a little eccentric); but there's no getting around the fact that he just threw away his life, his career, and his reputation by dragging out his mom's old necromancy book and summoning a Class A Forbidden Entity to his attic. A cranky one, too. With horrendous bed-head.

dean’s list by almaasi, 3k, canonverse. dean makes a list. short and sweet. i read this so much in 2015 that it literally got engraved into my brain line by line and rereading it caused synapses to fire that havent felt anything in years

Dean writes out a list of men he would go gay for. Sam has a suggestion to make.

💖 the path of fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, post-s8. dean and cas open a charming bed and breakfast in vermont. no, literally. another CLASSIC. i think about the food in this fic all the time...........maple bacon baked french toast......the cinnamon rolls.....it literally sounds so good

After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

long nights in cold months by pyrebi, 2.3k, au. dean’s an insomniac and cas works at walmart. i forgot i had this fic ALSO basically memorized. holy shit. pineapple in the fruit aisle.....................anyway it’s short and sweet and the “plot” resolves in such a satisfying way

When you're an insomniac, you get used to the "what the hell are you doing up, man?" look. Dean just hopes the guy who's stocking the shelves will stop giving it to him long enough to help him find some damn pineapple.

incredibly single & ready to mingle by imogenbynight, 3.6k, au. dean and cas meet on facebook. short cute au!!!!!!

Sam uses Facebook like the social media junkie he is. He's befriended literally every person he's ever had a conversation with since he got an account, which means that approximately—Dean checks—eight hours ago, he shared this horrible photo with something in the vicinity of nine hundred people. The caption below the picture reads “incredibly single & ready to mingle ;)” and roughly half of them have liked it.

Dean has never been so embarrassed in his life.

💖 unknown quantities by xylodemon, 8.5k, post-s8. after a post-case tryst, dean has to figure out his and cas’ relationship. human cas fics hold a special place in my heart. funny AND good dean pov AND a misunderstanding that i actually think works!!!!!

No one ever tells Dean anything.

(or: Dean Winchester and the not-relationship crisis of 2014)

[othersideoftheparadise]

Tampered [3/?]

Sam Wilson x cis fem! reader

Warnings: Spoilers for TFAWS. Mentions of blood, alcohol poisoning, graphic mentions of violence. This is the first time I'm ever writing something like this, so I'm open to constructive criticism.

Word count: 4.3 k ish.

Read Part 1 and Part 2 here.

2000

Dull pain thrummed between your eyes as the butt of the gun connected your forehead, almost making your vision black. It felt like needles pricking the skin all at once. You had to finish the mission. Your recovered, maintaining your balance back again, ignoring the pulsing pain, gripping the knife tucked in behind the belt, you dodged the punch aimed at your gut. You kicked your feet off the wall behind, as the boost gave you enough height to strike down the enemy, slashing his neck open right by the artery. Killing the very last attacker in the room. He slumps down with a thud, with blood splaying everywhere.

As the adrenaline rush wearied off, you were hungry now rather than being nervous about your mission. It was your duty to clear off the path for the Soldat and always look behind his back, just in case. More like a worm pierced onto the fishing hook for fishing. It was more like being assigned to be a bait for clearing the path.

You had to report back to the assigned rendezvous point, as you were told to be, but hunger made your ears ring. You did not have time to dwell upon in the middle of the mission, but the sweet aroma of freshly baked, warm bread and the sight of a boy around your age licking his fingers as he gobbled down plum pie definitely wanted you to think twice. Searing waves of hunger pangs hit, subconsciously leading your feet towards the boy. Hearing another set of footsteps approaching, you tried to shimmy behind the garbage bin behind, only to be yanked out by the man you never wanted to deal with.

The Soldat.

He looked down at you with his eyes reflecting no expression behind the mask. He dragged you by your hand as you protested.

“Let me go!” you trashed in, kicking and grunting against his firm grip.

‘Салдат, принеси с собой цечку, немедленно.,’ You heard the voice on the other side through the earpiece.

“N-No, No, I don’t want to go, it is so dark and p—please.” Blood was rushing to your head all at once, pulsing every beat. You didn’t want to go back. You wanted to stall as the feeling of fear overwhelmed sank into the gut.

Confusion was written all over his face; you could sense his hesitation. Previous mission with the Soldat ended up with him screaming for minutes in pain and agony when he had disobeyed. The people in the base never threatened but always made sure that you were present during the electroconvulsive therapy and when he was kept in cryo till the next session.

Shifting weight from one leg to another, your heart lurched, and your stomach tugged as you were closer to the destination. He was bruised and was limping by the time he had found you, but now he was straight up rigid, listening to the command. You remembered his gut-wrenching screams piercing in, and he took you back to the rendezvous point before the cleaning crew showed up.

“I’m sorry. I was just fascinated by this. I don’t know what to call it, but this part seems to be important. Who is Nakajima?” where he was pressing all the wrong buttons. Zemo was one of those only men; you were eager to know what was going on in his head.

Here he was playing the role of sugar-daddy, prodding over. What was more important was how Bucky never told you that your neighbour Nakajima was one of the people on the list of his amends. It was on you that you had expected him to tell you; he had no obligation that he had to.

“If you touch that again, I’ll kill you.” Bucky let-go of Zemo’s neck.

Sam visibly tensed up, looking at them, “I’m sorry. I understand that list of names. People you’ve wronged as the Winter Soldier.”

So, this was the reason why he wanted to move in.

Part of you was disappointed, but you had no right to have expectations. It was his own decision, and you had to respect it.

On the other hand, it was Zemo. It made you wondering for a while about how he was able to sit in the same room as you did. He should be angry, angry for rotting in prison after avenging his family’s death. This guy was surely a good spy and was very skilled; this was another reason you had to keep an eye on him.

Zemo devised a plan, laying out different people to meet in and around, starting from Madripoor. The city that had loose laws hence had better leverage for things to go according to him.

“It’s kept its lawless ways. But we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves. James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone.” Zemo let Bucky know.

“That is not going to work.”, this plan was going to fail; Bucky can become the Winter Soldier but cannot act like one.

“And why would you say that?” his interest piqued. He obviously knew this better than anyone else. If this was one of his mind-games to rile you up, it was not happening anymore.

“Well, it was something that he was conditioned to do in his subconscious. Not in his real-time. He does not know to pretend like one.”

“Alas, we do not have a better plan, do we?” he replied back.

Knives, Check.

Guns, Check.

You found yourself scrolling aimlessly through the local television, making sure that your eyes did not skitter over to the suit that was draped over him, fitting neat and tight.

Holy fucking shit.

You had to physically make sure that you were not watching him, straining your vision onto the screen. He looked like a mafia drug lord. You knew that you would be floored if he had opted to wear the shirt with his sleeves rolled up. You wanted to have more of the Sambal and rice that was served in the morning. The appetite had appeared out of nowhere.

“Alright, I’ll be leaving now. Ping me when you’re done with your business or in case of an emergency. I’ll be looking over from the second floor, from the lodge opposite to the pub.” Part of you did not trust Zemo, but you were sure that Sam and Bucky would be able to handle themselves.

Mentally slapped yourself, ignoring the looks thrown at you. All of this would be over for once and all if the plan had worked out, and you would tell Sam that you would be leaving.

Putting the food on the plate you waited, you made sure that table was all set up before Sam came back from his jog. Things were awkward, to say the least, and tiring as well. You couldn’t care less about how people showed false compassion at Nat’s funeral, making you roll your eyes. One thing that always made you regret that you did not have anything that belonged to Nat other than her memories. Everything had burned down once Bruce snapped, even before the team could comprehend her death. It was so unfair that everything that belonged to her had been destroyed, wiping out her entire existence as if she had never existed in the first place.

Another headache was pulsing in, beating in the hollow space with every heartbeat. You heard the door slam shut, reminding you that Sam had indeed returned from the run. Here you were, preparing breakfast, soaking in the domesticity in the world where she was already forgotten. She deserved to live, live a good life after all of this with Steve. Sunlight shimmying into the house made it look like the future that you had always wanted. This was too good to be true; the team was still recovering from the loss.

Sam and you both were still managing to barely keep the relationship tied together as the honeymoon phase after the blip had ended. The real world was settling in. You had seen him struggling to set into the new world, where people had moved on without him. You tried your best to ignore it because it always ended with ‘let me handle it’ ending the conversation.

“Hey, are you listening to me?”, He asked digging in, looking over for a response. “I said that the food is delicious. It is terrific.”, He reassured after seeing you cock an eyebrow.

“I appreciate it, Sammy.”, you smiled, remembering how Nat opened up to you saying that she always wanted a family with Steve, wanted a life, a life that you were living now.

“Hey, look at me.”, he hooked your chin with his finger, lifting up. “Thinking about her is not going to bring her back alright, but you can talk to me. I’m right here. It is okay, not to be okay.”, He looked at you with all sincerity that he could muster.

All you wanted was to scoff, scoff at how he was always ready to help others but dealt with his problems all by himself.

“They were supposed to get married!”, This was when the heaviness in chest grew heavy. He was physically taken back by the new information. Maybe he didn’t know about it yet.

Shit.

“And really, Sammy? I could say the same to you. I get it, alright. I get it that we both are going through a tough phase, but I have wanted to say the same to you. All you say is ‘I can do this and shut me out.” You emphasize with your fingers, seeing his tense shoulders.

“You are so careful around me all the time that you physically look like you’re embracing yourself for shit to collapse.”, This was it; you had been waiting for weeks to say this. You saw his jaw tick with all the tension that he had been gritting in and holding back.

“N-no, No, I don’t want to go in there. Do you understand? I get what you are trying to say, but it is just that I need some time to open up about everything. The world did not wait for anyone and has been running even in all those five years.”, He said, pointing at the window.

“I need some time, m’kay? I need some time to adjust to all of this.”, He was ambiguous.

“This is how our relationship is, Sammy. We don’t talk. This-this is why you are always on alert mode whenever you are with me because you think you have to keep reasoning every time anything happens. Y-You also think that you’re better off without telling anyone about your problems.”, Emphasising the conversation, you sat looking dead in his eyes. This flared anger in him, flickering like a spark staring out a fire.

“Why does every conversation we have, has to end up about our relationship? And no, you’re wrong this time; it is not that I don’t want to talk to you about it. It is just that I need some time.”, He reasoned, trying to explain, taking deep breaths.

You both had arguments almost every single day. It was emotionally exhausting. You could not imagine what he must be going through now that everything had resumed.

“This is what I am talking about. We both have grown out of this relationship, and we have different opinions, which is absolutely fine.”, He was positive, scrapping the chair away. “But I need a break; I need a break from all of this. It is just that you and I are dealing with different things, and I’m tired of explaining this to you every time.”, He said with certainty.

It really did take some time for his words to sink in, but he was crystal clear. He approached you, instantly regretting his words.

“You’re right, Sam.”, You stared aimlessly, getting up.

“H-Hey, I did not mean it.”, his voice dropped, lacing with sadness, looking at you.

“Stay there and sit down; this is your house.”, you emphasized, motioning him. He looked distraught as seriousness stetted in.

“No, Wilson. I understand; you are right. We need a break, and this is not working out because we both need time. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was selfish and insensitive about what you are going through right now.”, Sighing you carried yourself to pack up, ignoring the headache pounding in. He didn’t deserve any of it. He deserved someone better than this.

“It is just that I’m not in the right headspace right now. I’m sorry.” You repeated again, walking out. You were too afraid to think how different life would have been if the snap had never happened. Simultaneously, you imagined how Nat would have cussed you back and forth for ruining your relationship.

“Hey James, do you have a spare room to crash in for few days?”, You whispered into the phone, hearing the beep sound.

Before you knew, you saw Zemo, Sam, and Bucky scrambling around, confused. You sighed, loading your gun, firing off people who were attacking them right away. Another line of fire came out of the window beside yours, halting immediately after the attackers were down.

What the hell?

“Wow, look at you all dressed down to take out the bad guys.”, you had sensed her but not this close. Maybe you were getting slow.

You looked up at the women, who had saved Steve and Sam back in the day. To be honest, you had forgotten about her and knew why she was ignorant about the whole situation, “I know why you’re all bitter. I’m sorry that we did not come back.”, you signified, raising up for hands, surrendering.

“Oh please, there is a difference. It is always easy for people like you to say ‘sorry’ not knowing what someone else had to go through.”, Sharon scoffed, pointing the gun.

You were also curious about what she was going to do further, as she pressed the gun to for back, guiding you to lead the way. The whole situation turned around when Sharon agreed to help in for the next lead.

Sam looked far by uncomfortable as he tugged his collar out for more air. He was sweltering down as he reached the condo.

“What’s wrong, Sam?”, You asked as he looked like he was going to collapse, unable to walk. He huffed, struggling to take out the phone that was buzzing in his pant pocket.

“Wait, let me take it out for you.”, You knew that something was wrong, but you did not want to use your powers to find out without his consent. You heard his breath hitch as you moved closer to him.

This was definitely weird.

“Just do it soon.”, His voice turned hoarse, gritting his teeth. He visibly shivered as you skimmed your fingers into the pocket to take out his phone. It was Sarah. You saw his eyes glistening as he grabbed his phone, walking straight into the room, shutting the door with a loud bang.

You almost heard Bucky snort, making you sharply turn around in his direction. What had happened down there, pushing Sam into a situation like this?

“Bucky, what did you do?” you marched as Sharon huffed, settling down to look at the show you all were putting up.

“I-I didn’t do anything. It was not me, okay.”, He stammered, with his eyes wide. He was practically pressing himself into the sofa.

“It was wine. The snake wine he drank.”, Zemo quipped in, shifting your attention.

“What? What on the fresh hell is a snake wine?” you were bewildered, to say in the least.

You heard, Oh-s and Aah-s, as Sharon spoke up, “Snake wine is assumed to be an aphrodisiac and is believed to make people strong.”, She said, gesturing at her biceps.

“It is a what?!”

“Hey, calm down, listen to me; I’ll arrange someone to buy sex toys with lots of food and hydration. It can go on for hours, but who knows.”, She nodded looking at you.

“Okay”

“No wonder he couldn’t run in those heels.”, Bucky muttered, looking around, shifting around.

You all discussed your next lead that was tipped off in the bar, hearing Sam throw up. This was not a good sign.

“Bucky, please hand me over the medicine kit. I’ll take care of him.”, You rushed in, locking the door.

The whole room was a mess, with everything strewn all over the place. The acrid smell of vomit filled in your lungs as you saw a tired Sam collapsed on the floor.

Oh my god.

“Sammy, hey, look at me.”, you were trying to shake him into consciousness. His eyes were rimmed red as he looked at you. Wiping him down with a warm washcloth, you could feel pain rattle his lungs, and somehow, it had only become worse.

“Come on, Sammy.”, You helped him lay down on the bed, ignoring his burning skin. You knew what you had to do; he was just at the brink of passing out and threw up almost everything you tried to make him drink.

This was not a good sign; with the mind racing with endless possibilities, you did not want to be terrified. You had seen what death was, but looking at Sam right now, did make you remember when he was dusted away during the snap. Living through all the madness, running from one place to another, it was Sam who made you feel human.

“Sam, do you trust me?”, You knew that this was not entirely consensual, but he was only a human after all.

“I—I do. I do.”, he was dazed by all the alcohol and the dehydration.

Removing the wristwatch, you concentrated on the energy from the center, carmine red flickers spasmed through your palms. Pressing them to his warm chest, you imagined him healing from inside as you felt the energy radiating off his body.

He had visibly calmed down, looking down at you. “Is this how you saved Pietro?.,” He looked at you incredulously.

“What?” you were the one staring back in shock, moving away.

Oh no.

“Don’t worry, Wanda accidentally slipped when she was talking about Ultron, but I didn’t know you it was going to be something like this.”, he huffed. The furrow of his eyebrow explained for itself. He did not push it further as he got up to clean the mess, not looking back.

“Sam, I can explain,” “No Y/N, you don’t have to. You don’t owe one.”, He said, not looking up.

“Talk to me Sam, I know that look on your face. You’re angry.”, You tried talking to him, rushing on your feet, closer to him.

“I’m angry because I’m an idiot. Just like I said, you don’t owe me an explanation. I had my doubts after the blip when things were quickly found and how everything is always rearranged like the clappers. You look more alive than ever but older at the same time, and I don’t understand a damn thing.”, he said, chucking the sheets into the laundry basket.

“I did not want to tell it to anyone because I’m already an outcast for not being normal. People look at me in fear and disgust after knowing who I am.”, You tried explaining to him. This was wrong; finding out something like this made the situation worse.

“Look, I get it; I’m really thankful that you saved my life today.”, You signaled him to be quiet as you scanned around. Flares shimmered away from you throughout the room, creating dark midnight hues, with a glint of yellow flaring over them.

He looked more confused than ever.

“Ah, it keeps happening all the time. I don’t know why the colors keep changing, but this one is always prominent.”, you explained, gesturing at the blue orb.

“How long have you been doing this?”, he asked putting on his clothes.

“It was in 2012. I acquired them when I was trying to get Loki off from smuggling the tesseract. I don’t know how but I understood that he was possessed. I tried negotiating, talking sense into him. I told him that I knew what was going on and was trying to help him out. He told me that he would kill me, so I threatened to destroy the tesseract out of stupidity. One thing led to another, and I crushed it with his scepter. The next thing that I knew, that was I was in a hospital bed out for almost a month.” You summarized.

“Wait, and no one knew about it?” Sam was surprised processing in. “No signs of any radiation, damage, or anything?”

“No, it turned out that Loki had used his powers and transferred the blow to the other side of the portal. On the other hand, I did not show any remains of radiation. I don’t know how.”, he was more concerned.

“So, you’re saying that Loki’s intentions were not to destroy New York.”, He sat down, rubbing his palms together.

“No, it was Thanos. He had caught Loki wandering off in space when he committed suicide jumping off the rainbow bridge in Asgard. He made a negotiation by torturing Loki to bring Tesseract and the Septer to him.”

“Which is around two stones, right? Then why would he send Loki, when he could do the job himself?”, he was trying to come out with a possible explanation.

“I don’t know what his true intentions were, but when we’re doing our research on stones during the time heist, we came to a conclusion that he had done the same with the power stone as well. He negotiated with Ronan to wipe out half of Xandar in exchange for the power stone. He did the same thing with Loki too. Give him an army to invade and rule the earth in exchange for the stones.”

“So, this was more like killing two birds in a stone.”, he completed your sentence looking up at you.

“It was also another reason why I never initiated any interest, even though I really liked you a lot when you let us into your home for the first time.”, you confessed, picking upon the fabric of your pants.

“What?” he was letting the new information sink in.

“Technically, it was in the closet when we were trying to set up Steve and Nat together.”, You were feeling guilty that you did not give him any time to process the information.

“Do you regret it?”, He had an unreadable expression on his face.

“I regret a lot of things, Sam. You have to be more specific.”, From what life had thrown you into different situations, one thing that you were sure about having a life with normalcy was that you liked Sam. As a person, a friend, and someone you could rely upon.

“You know what I mean.”, the hardness in his stare threw you off. It was something that was never directed at you.

“I do, Sam. I do. Call it fate or whatever you want; I had hope before the blast had happened. Retire one day and have a normal life. I was convinced that I would not use my powers because I was tired of people exploiting me.”, There were times when blood samples were taken, right before and after having meals. It mostly ended up you hearing gossip about how the blood work always turned out to be normal as guards walked down the narrow corridor, assuming you were asleep.

“From H.Y.D.R.A.to SHEILD, I do not want anyone come after me, and then I met you.”, pinching out splinters from the window, you give yourself a second to continue. “I almost convinced myself that I would always avenge and fight for the rest of my life. This is going to sound really cheesy, you know?”

“It is all kinds of normal; that is what makes us human.” He was looking at the wool rug spread across the floor, nodding at you to continue.

Well then.

“When I met you, I started liking you throughout the years after we met. For who you are, you’re your maturity, goofiness with a pinch of cockiness that comes out every now and then, but you are also respectful at the same time.”

He was looking up at you with a calm look on his face. On the other hand, you were almost shaking because it was always him before the snap who initiated everything. Initiated talks, initiated to join into conversations when Steve and Nat bickered around, initiated to go out for a date in Wakanda and the night you two had before the battle. This was new, but the burden of carrying all of these secrets alleviated your shoulders; maybe this could give you closure. Closure on how you can never change what had happened but only move on.

‘One step at a time,’ like Steve said.

“It is just- I was so scared, I guess. I was not decisive, and my feelings just grew stronger.” You sat down, with eyes swimming all over the room, landing at Sam, who was now sitting down across you. It was like he had heard your thoughts, now that you noticed him in a black turtle neck cotton shirt. This was your Sam sitting close to you, but not close enough. You wanted to be confused as to why you longed for his presence, but it was crystal clear. With realization seeping into bones, you had to accept that you deserved an ordinary life, but Sam deserved better. Better than all of this mess. What if someone had come looking out for him because of you?

“I need some time away from you, Y/N, so that I can decide when we both sort out about this because I don’t want to swing back and forth if I’m honest with you. This is about me, deciding for myself.”, dissolving the encased power that had kept you both from prying ears, Sam jumped when he heard strings of notifications pinging in.

You heard the sound of your ringtone to see Sarah calling in.

“Do you want to talk to her? I, uh—meant that she called you hours ago.”,

“Nah, just talk to her. She might be calling you for a reason.”

Next part

Taglist: @wanniiieeee

[yandere-daydreams]

Hello! I'm new to your blog but I have very much enjoyed your work! Esp your Dabi w Deku's darling series, you write Dabi in a way that makes my heart soft and it's a nice way to see him written. I was curious if you may share headcanons or a drabble following up the last part of their interactions, so further healing of the two of them moving on/coping w their respective past traumas? Maybe even some fluffy romance if possible! Hope this finds you well and best of luck with your writing! 💖💖💖

While I will leave the nature of Dabi and his Not-Darling’s relationship ambiguous, I figured I might as well give him the birthday present he deserves. Here’s a link to the Masterlist for this series, but it’s easier to take fluff for what it is, honestly.

TW: Past Abuse (Physical and Emotional), Guilt Over Abandonment, Panic Attacks, and Mentions of PSTD. 

~

“Do you have a lighter?”

Dabi couldn’t help but chuckle, watching as you sloppily threw together another round of shots with ingredients you had spent far too long looking for. Kurogiri had given up trying to limit the League’s alcohol consumption hours ago, instead turning his attention towards Shigaraki and the boy in pink he was sitting next to, Toga and her own guest having been deemed a lost cause as soon as they noticed an old dartboard hung on the back wall, Twice still attempting to edge his way into their game without ending up on the wrong side of half a dozen knives. “I am the lighter,” He replied, reaching out and letting a small, blue flicker of a flame form in his palm for emphasis. “Don’t say you’re trying to replace me, dollface.”

You pouted, batting his hand away, your elbow throwing a spare bottle of tequila off-balance. Dabi caught it without thinking, only earning another huff and a glare on your part, but the grin tugging at your lips betrayed you. “When you start letting me dip my fingers in your drinks, I’ll let you stick yours in mine.” Again, you ducked down quickly, pawing at something under the counter for a moment before you came back up, a dusty box of matches in hand and a renew glint in your eyes. “Besides, it’s your birthday, you’re not allowed to do any work. It’s, like, birthday law.”

It took him a moment to process what you’d said, no one had mentioned his birthday in years. He might’ve told you the date in passing, but that had to be ages ago, and the fact that you remembered somehow surpassed the shock that he’d forgotten. Still, he tried not to let you see that, only slumping forward and propping himself up on the bar-top. “When you’re seven, maybe,” He countered, trying to steal one of the now-finished B-52s, only to have you move them out of his reach. “What do you want me to do, bring in cupcakes for the class?”

“I want you to relax for once, but cake wouldn’t hurt.” You were only half-focused on him, now, sparking up a match and letting it brush against the drink’s surface, not pulling your hand away fast enough to out-run the combustion. But, much to Dabi’s relief, you shook it off in a few seconds, your fingertips hardly even reddened. He had to remind himself that you were capable, these days. More than he was, at least. 

Not that he’d set the bar very high. 

“Besides,” You continued, your voice quieter than it’d been before. You didn’t seem reluctant, no traces of hesitation breaching your tone, you were just… quieter. Calmer, in a way that sobered Dabi as much as it sobered you. If only slightly. “You… you made my birthday really nice, after you took me in. I don’t think I told you, but it was the first time I went outside. For more than a few minutes, I mean.”

Dabi didn’t have to think, he knew what you were talking about instantly. It’d been a struggle to get you to do anything on your own, back then. You’d had tears in your eyes as you’d stepped out of his apartment building, and you hadn’t said a damn word the entire day, only clinging to his arm and shaking your head whenever he asked a question, not unlike Shoto on his first day of school. But, he’d been in kindergarten. You’d been in a pervert’s basement. “I can still feel your fucking nails digging into me, sometimes,” Dabi commented, no real force behind the statement. “I’m going to make you take me out somewhere nice one day, to make up for it.”

“Put on a decent shirt first, and we’ll see.” The shot was shoved in front of him unceremoniously, a drop or two spilling over the side in your eagerness. You weren’t trying to stop yourself anymore, laughing at nothing and beaming as he blew it out, his narrowed eyes enough to make what would happen if you sung graphically clear. It was still smoldering as he swallowed it, singing at his throat and leaving a sickeningly sweet aftertaste, but the fruits of your labor went down easily. You seemed content too, slamming your glass back down on the counter, if only to giggle at the sound of wood against metal.

With a sigh, Dabi stretched, leaning back on his stool. “Is that all? I’m an old man now, (Y/n), and I’m not sticking around here long enough to see Spinner fist-fight Handjob in the stockroom. I’m not cleanin’ that shit up unless I get to punch one of the bastards myself, either.”

You groaned, already fed with his social aversion, but your resolve lessened at the threat of more whining. “There’s… there’s one more thing,” You admitted, reaching into your back pocket. He recognized the game advert you’d stolen from Shigaraki last week, but hadn’t expected to see it wrapped around a small, nearly flat container. You weren’t careless with this one, placing it delicately in the hand he offered. Like you were afraid he’d break it just from holding it too tightly. “Happy birthday, Touya.”

He opened it hastily, tearing through the thin paper without reserve. The box underneath was unmarked and unlabelled, and the inside wasn’t much better, just a scrap of paper with a few numbers and a street name messily scrawled across its length. All he could do was glance up at you, expression somewhere between entertained and utterly confused. “What the fuck is this supposed to be?”

“The address to a soba shop down the street, one that stays open until the sun rises.” You shifted awkwardly, clasping your hands in front of you. “It’s where your siblings hold a memorial every year. Just the three of them. I think Rei’s going too, but I’m not sure.” With a sigh, you glanced up, meeting his eyes and steeling yourself, if only to keep from looking away. “I thought you might want to see them.”

He didn’t hesitate, crumpling the note in his hands and letting it fall back into the box, pushing himself to his feet. “I can’t do that.”

“You don’t have to,” You assured, already walking around the bar. He could’ve left, he could’ve ran, but his pulse was suddenly beating in his ears, his heart pounding against his throat, the idea of speaking becoming as impossible as executing any plans he had to flee. A soft touch on his back made him jolt, shoulders squaring into a defensive position, but the look of pure concern etched into your face was enough for a forming attack to dissipate. “I’m not going to make you. I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to, either.” There was a pause, and you pulled away. Dabi wished he could say how desperately he didn’t want you to. “But, your siblings miss their brother.”

“Fuyumi’d never forgive me.” It wasn’t an opinion, to him, the thought as objective as any other fact. “Natsuo wouldn’t, either. Not a single fucking one of them should. I’d be lucky if Shoto doesn’t arrest me on the spot.”

You shrugged, but you didn’t correct him. “I don’t think you’re right but… neither of us really know, do we? You’ll have to go if you want to find out.”

He didn’t respond, and you lowered your head, taking his silence as a signal to leave him alone. It hurt, seeing you walk away, a thousand pins and needles driving themselves into his lungs, something as simple as taking in air becoming an act of resistance. It felt like he was trying to inhale smoke, like everything around him was ash and debris and crumbling, and he was stuck in the middle of it, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. As helpless and as weak as he was back then.

But, there was something he could do, even if it limited the damage. One thing that was within his reach, or… half a block away, rather.

He caught your hand tentatively, stumbling forward to reach you. He could hear the others muttering, whispering amongst themselves, but he didn’t care, focusing on what was in front of him as you stared over your shoulder. It took another hitched stutter before he could spit something coherent out, but you waited patiently. He wondered if he’d ever be able to tell you how much he appreciated that. “I’m not embarrassing myself alone, idiot.”

For a moment, he thought you would be the one to break down, your eyes fogging over as you brought up your free hand to rub at them. But, he was able to let go of the breath he’d been holding in as you smiled, then laughed, intertwining your fingers with his as tears began to flow openly. He couldn’t tell whose they were, at this point.

He knew he was smiling, though, and he knew he couldn’t stop as you started to tug him towards the door.

“I don’t know why I ever expected you to.”

[evilmortys]

“Well, it’s great to have you back here in our chambers again. And by that, we of course mean that it’s literally the worst to have you back here in our chambers, C-136.” There’s a definite familiarity in the way Riq IV utters his indicative numerals that rings almost personal, but understandably, there’s little fondness behind his severe greeting. Jesus Christ, he thinks to himself sourly, this fucking Morty again. “You know how this goes, so let’s get right to it. State your name and dimension number for the record, turd.”

“Yeah, well, here’s somethin’ for the record: I’m not- I’m actually not too jazzed about it myself, y’know? Every time I get hauled here, I gotta- I gotta look you guys in the faces for like, an hour. And they’re really ugly ones.” Morty rebukes, arms folded over his chest defensively. His insides quiver like jelly. Deep down, he’s actually really not so good with this confrontation stuff, believe it or not. What Morty is? Still, he can’t half pretend to be unflinching when a situation calls for it. Nerves sufficiently steeled and outward appearance nothing short of done with this shit, he obliges the demand. “Mortimer Smith, Earth Dimension C-136. No additional numerals applicable.”

“Watch it.” Another council member snaps suddenly, already infuriated by the blatant lack of respect, and Morty’s gaze drifts to the secondary speaker. Hazel eyes rest upon the decrepit figure boredly, and he inwardly debates whether it’d be worth it to point out he doesn’t even know the name of any of these other assholes- that’s- that’s about how relevant their input is to him right now. Probably shouldn’t, he concedes grudgingly. Don’t bite the bullet when it comes to spitting snark, y’know? Employing restraint now leaves wiggle room to get away with saying more once this discussion inevitably goes to shit. He looks back to their spokesperson wordlessly, gaze expectant.

“Yes, Rick Prime, you’re absolutely right. He says what we’re all thinking! Now... let me see what you’ve gotten up to this time, C-136. While I’m reading the report over, why don’t you go ahead and tell me: who the fuck do you think you are? And why do you think you can get away with this shit? We’d all love to hear it.” Riq IV gathers up the loose-leaf before him and taps the papers against the imperial desk he sits behind, neatening the stack before beginning to look them over.

“I don’t think I’m anyone- anyone... look, I didn’t do anything wrong,” Morty protests defensively. “There’s nothing I’d even be getting away with! That’s- whatever’s written there, it won’t- it’ll all be a bunch of bullshit!”

“Really? Because let me tell you, this is all lining up very well with what we’ve come to expect of your character.” Riq IV heaves a world weary sigh, bracing himself for what’s to come (this particular turd, and the circumstance of his Rick being such a generous contributor, always makes everything so difficult), and passes the report along for the other council members to peruse. Can’t effectively threaten this one, really. But like hell he won’t try. “Here’s our working theory, turd. You believe that you’re special, and brave, or some shit, and- and you think that because your Rick happens to donate to us often that we have to tolerate this kind of shit from you and take it on the chin. That your actions here don’t have consequence. Am I in the ballpark, C-136?”

“Not even close!”

“Then do you want to tell us what the fuck happened?! Do you want to, oh, I don’t know--- clue the council in on why you saw fit to push a Rick to the ground, stamp repeatedly on his ballsack, and punch him in the face until... he- cried---? Jesus Christ, in- in hindsight- this geezer’s not reflecting on us well. How does this even happen? He got fucked up by a Morty? I mean, at that point, you pretty much deserve whatever happens, right? What the fuck was I even reading there, y’know?” 

Riq IV isn’t quite addressing C-136 come the end of that impassioned order for an explanation, and is instead glancing at the other members incredulously, brow knitted indignantly. The other four Ricks murmur heatedly in irritable agreement, though they’re keen to point out Mortys should never possess the balls to lash out at a Rick violently regardless. With a nod of his head, the spokesman looks down upon the yellow-shirted bastard beneath him, and snaps, “Whenever you’re ready, C-136. Take your time! I know you think this Citadel bows to your goddamn whims either way. Go ahead and phone a fucking friend- why not? You’re- you’re a little monster.”

“Oh, I’m ready, you stupid haircut having- you’re a- dumb ass motherfucker,” Morty spits vehemently, gritting his teeth, before catching himself. His gaze briefly averts, as if in wordless apology for his blunt outburst. He draws himself up slightly, gesticulating with his hands as he attempts to get across his reasoning. “Look, I know it sounds bad. It was bad! It was! I know. But that Rick, he- he was, he was pushing this Morty around, being such a dick, making fun of him, and- there was... he didn’t even have a reason! That Morty was mute, y’know? He’d- he’d had his tongue cut out, or- or maybe ripped out by some sorta alien... I don’t know. He was making this awful gurgling noise, he was frightened, and- what, was I just supposed t- to walk on by? Pretend I couldn’t see that happening?!”

“That’s exactly what you were supposed to do.” Riq IV says pointedly, as if affronted he has to clarify the obvious at all. “We can only assume that Morty was behaving in a way to make him deserve that, just as you should have assumed, turd. Besides, I’ll have you know that tongueless Mortys are in, uh- pretty high demand, for the more morally ambiguous Ricks. In fact, I’m pretty sure we offer services for a humane snip of the tongue. We do that, guys, right? ... Maybe it’s more of a black market thing? Yes. It’s- it’s just an adjustment that can be made to you little bastards, for a price, much like implanting chips into your spines and weaponizing you for efficiency. And let me tell you something: it’s one that I plan to recommend to your grandfather if you continue to push your luck. Our tolerance only goes so far, no matter how much of an asset Rick C-136 is to the development of our Citadel. We won’t exactly crumble without him.”

“Fuck you! Wh- what the fuck is WRONG with you?! Y- you wanna know something?! You wanna know what I think?! Don’t answer: I- I know you don’t, but fuck you, and listen up anyway! Every single one of you BASTARDS are DEFINITELY gonna die with each other’s dicks in your throat from how much you suck each other off! How can you sit up there, and say shit like that, and- and not hear how fucking awful you all sound?!” 

His gesturing hands have long since returned to his sides, and his arms are tensed where they rest- C-136 is acutely aware of the fact that he’s trembling, shaking with anger that has never felt more well founded. Despite himself, he curls his fingers and balls them into fists, as if- as if he could swing for those smug motherfuckers up there from all the way down here. Morty has to jut his chin just to regard them with all this fury, and there’s nothing to goddamn do with it- his breathing quivers from his lungs tensely, and there’s a challenging look crystal clear in his blazing eyes. Can’t do anything about it, the reminder bangs in his brain. The Guard Ricks posted all around don’t even motion to grip their guns tighter, because they fucking know it, and the council fucking knows it, and they know he’s painfully aware of it, too. 

Their broad, shit-eating grins say it all--- at least, they do, until Ricktiminus Sancheziminius sees fit to glance upward briefly by chance, and winds up visibly starting, and fixing his gaze on something else entirely. Somebody else. Somebody other than the spectacle of that notoriously difficult Morty having an outburst. Ricktiminus Sancheziminius nudges Riq IV sharply in the side, and upon gaining the other’s attention and irritable acknowledgement, indicates the new arrival to the spokesman. He soon sobers, flashing the figure at the entrance to their chambers a bemused look- and the others are quick to follow his lead. Morty’s brows knit, and he glances over his shoulder- heart sinking---no, outright dropping---deeply into his stomach the very instant he’s processed it. 

Fuck.

“Ah, your keeper’s here, C-136. Rick Sanchez, earth dimension C-136! We presume our message reached you in a timely manner... and yet, enough time has passed for your grandson to spit vulgarities at us for quite a while. I certainly hope we didn’t pull you away from anything important...” Riq IV smiles strangely, almost as if simpering. It doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and there is something deeply false to the curve of his mouth. Belching, he waves a careless hand, as if to dismiss his own backhanded, apologetic sentiment before the other can even respond to it. “... Though it begs the question of what could be more important than the Citadel. We both have this society’s best interests at heart, after all.”

“Yeah, y-eeeuurgh-eah, what-the-fuck-ever.” Rick replies, sweeping into the chambers and standing at Morty’s side, flashing him a deeply vexed look. He probably heard that whole last part, and out of context, it doesn’t really reflect well on the flicker of patience he's been trying to maintain all the while. “I was balls deep in the concept of time when you motherfuckers called me, so ex-cuse me if I’m not particularly chirpy about being called over this time around. He- he better have at least killed someone, is what I’m saying. I was getting action. Literally fucking with time. I- I don’t wanna fucking be here for anything less.”

Morty’s mouth falls open as he hastens to try and explain himself, ready to trip over his own spluttering words until Rick comes to understand that he was just trying to help- before he realizes, dully, that it won’t even matter. Huffing, the teenager simply looks askance, knowing full well Rick won’t take his side on this. Almost can’t take his side on this. Though it’s not like the other ever strives to have his back anyway. 

This train of thought is a bitter one, and it rattles through his head so loudly, all the biting reminders that he’s in a room full of people who don’t give a shit what he has to say in the slightest, that he briefly tunes out from the exchange between the council and his disapproving grandfather. Their words are little more than buzzing in his ears, but he doesn’t miss much. They’re just filling his companion in on what shit trick he’s pulled this visit. A sharp flick against the side of his head soon bumps him back to reality, and a deep scowl curls the sixteen year old’s lip as he rubs it, fighting the innate urge to bitch. Rick scoffs at him, before turning his attention back to the six alternates perched up there.

“See that? Not even listening. Look, this time last year, Morty was all over the Citadel, just like I am. Nobody’s saying anything about taking issue with this place. Nothing but support in the C-136 household. He’s just going through a little phase, in case you can’t tell. You ever had a sixteen year old Morty? Nightmare. Rebellion, he’s all- all stick it to the Ricks, y’know? He’s just being a c-eeeuurgh-ontrary little shit. Christ, the whole reason he’s here is to pick some crap up that I ordered- did you even fucking get around to grabbing that, Morty? Before you started swinging for Ricks?”

“Yeah. I got it.” Morty says shortly. “Laruxion ore.” 

He finds himself physically biting down on his tongue, as if to chastise it prematurely as it twitches to run away with him about what a nightmare even just grabbing Rick’s shit was, too. The shopkeeper glared down at him, and asked a few dozen hostile questions about what a Morty was doing picking up something so volatile, so potentially dangerous, for his Rick. If it were up to me, he’d declared, unwillingly bagging the package up all the same, you wouldn’t be running around with something like this. Taking it to your Rick or otherwise. Guy can’t pick up his own shit?

“Aw, jeez. Well,” Morty had shot back, unable to help himself, “don’t you all think we’re too stupid to do anything smart anyway? Either you think Mortys are capable of falling the entire Citadel with this ore, and you won’t fork that shit over to me because of that, or you think we’re dumbass, i- incapable, um, y’know- sidekicks. In which case, there’s- there’s no harm in handing it over to me. Right? Just saying, y’know. Y- you guys should pick a lane. Aw, jeez.”

Suffice to say, Shopkeeper Rick was not impressed with his take on the matter, and all but threw the bag across the counter into Morty’s fumbling hands, before angrily shooing him off.

“Might as well have done it myself. Can’t even run an errand without getting stirred up in shit. Look, council,” Rick grouses, pinching the bridge of his nose in a show of utter annoyance, “Let’s just call this square. We all fucking paid for his shit trick today, right? I got blue balls, you had to, uh... rightfully bitch at him, waste your... precious time on a dumbass Morty. And he’s gonna get a fucking earful. I’d- I’d say it won’t happen again, but, Christ- is- was he even entirely in the wrong? If a Rick can get taken out by a Morty, he’s not exactly a valuable member of this society. The society I funnel a lot of fucking cash into on a monthly basis, might I add. G- g-eeeUURGH-etting pretty sick of the same old bitchfest about every toe my moron puts over the line when he’s here. Do you guys do this for every Morty that acts out? I’m just sp-eeEUURGH-itballing over here, but- I kind of thought I was donating to people that had slightly better shit to do than pull my Morty up for being a little- a little angsty, or whatever the fuck, right now.”

“... We do this for Mortys that repeatedly cause issues within our citadel. Which yours does to the point of notoriety, C-136. If you’d only rein in your Morty, this wouldn’t be an issue to begin with---”

“Oh, my God- shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck UP---”

“Morty, YOU shut the fuck up. Sorry for him, as usual. Are we done here?”

“... Of course. We, uh, we’d like to reiterate our gratitude for your contributions to maintaining the-”

“Yeah, yeah, leave me another f-eeEUrrrgh-ucking voicemail about it. Come on, Morty. Y- you’re gonna- I’m gonna fucking kill you when we’re outta here,” Rick chastises, and reaches out to grip his forearm and pull him along as he paces away from his six alternates, muttering darkly under his breath all the while. Visibly nettled by the threat, the sixteen year old bitches top note and makes several efforts to wrench his arm free- and easily manages it once they’re back in the sea of alternates that is the main hub of this hellhole as Rick reluctantly eases his hold.

“Don’t grab me! And- and y’know what, don’t bust my balls about this, either. Would it kill you to be on my side? Like, ever? Wh- why would I beat on anyone for no goddamn reason, Rick?!” Morty explodes, and his grandfather rakes a hand through his tufts of blue hair and glares.

“You know exactly why, Morty. Besides. I’m not exactly in the business of backing you up- not sure if you’ve noticed. Because you’re never actually in the right. You’re just taking everything to heart and poking your nose where it doesn’t belong, as usual. Got that?” 

There’s a certain bitterness behind his words. How the hell do you think it’s going to reflect on me if they know I’ve never been able to put a lid on your shit, Morty? Rick sets off walking, and for a moment, Morty hangs back- hesitating to follow, eyes narrowed fiercely at the other’s retreating back... before he groans, and hastens to scramble through the thick crowds and catch up, demanding an explanation all the while.

“Why do you even put up with their crap, Rick? I- I don’t get it. You’re throwing money at a bunch of dicks, t- to support something you don’t even- to support the fucking Shitadel?” Morty gesticulates wildly, hazel eyes narrowed and gaze intent as he regards his older relative, forearms raised and fingers splayed out in a demonstration of utter bewilderment. “I’m just trying to understand why- why the fuck you would do that! Y’know? Y- you don’t even like this fucking hellhole! The people who live here don’t even like it! I just, I- I don’t---”

Rick’s shoulders slump under this bout of badgering, and, if only to quieten the idiot down, he caves. Lowers his voice and mutters quietly, so as not to be listened in on by anyone around them. 

“You don’t g-eeURRGH-et it? Yeah, I heard you the first time. Look, M-Bomb, if I know those assholes---and I am those assholes---being, y’know, blatant about hating their fucking guts isn’t the way to go. If I say what I think, tell ‘em to suck my balls and shove their society up their ass, how- how exactly do you see that playing out for me?” 

Rick pauses, as if awaiting an answer. Bewildered, the teenager beside him blinks a tad owlishly, and at long last, opens his mouth in preparation to fumble for some sort of answer. The very moment he begins to speak out uncertainly, his grandfather purposefully presses on with his point, much to the boy’s visible aggravation.

“I’ll tell you how it’s gonna play out for me. I- I know it’s a little beyond your, uh, limited understanding, Morty. They’re gonna scout for a new paypig, come in the night, haul us outta home, take my portal gun, and make me a fucking janitor, Morty. Meanwhile your dumb ass is gonna- you’ll end up in that shitty Morty School, taking classes on how to bark great idea, grandpa, like- like some mindless little moron who can’t think for himself. They’d parade you around as an example of how well they break you little bastards down into yes-man sidekicks, since you’re such a stubborn piece of shit. And that’d be if y-eeEUrgh-ou’re lucky, by the way.”

“... Ha. Yeah, well, don’t- don’t talk like you wouldn’t like that. The last part, I mean.” He snorts, and a brief flicker of amusement brightens his companion’s resigned expression. Rolling his eyes, Rick rolls his shoulders into a shrug as they walk, moving through the sea of yellow-shirted teenagers and lab-coated fossils.

“Only if you don’t talk like you wouldn’t get a fucking kick out of seeing me scrub a toilet,” he snipes, and they exchange a glance. 

There’s a brief, strange moment wherein something shifts between them- all the unspoken anger, the seething temper, the typical wariness that clings to the air that hangs between them seems to all but ebb away. 

Morty cracks first. The corners of his mouth twitch upward slightly, a fit of snickers rises in his throat... and the second Rick clocks that he’s going to burst out laughing, he cracks up, too. They laugh, and they laugh, and just when it seems that they’re going to calm back down, they catch each other’s eye and lose it all over again. The other Ricks and Mortys waiting in line for a return portal to their dimension cast them strange looks as they all but giggle feebly beside each other, adamantly refusing to meet each other’s gaze in a fervent effort to recover, now; letting things lapse back into their norm. 

All good things eventually draw to a close, and sure enough, this temporary, shared moment of reciprocal sentiment is one of them. The teenager can’t help but push it, however. Let it last just a minute longer. I won’t hate you again, just for a fraction more time. Don’t hate me again, just for a bit longer. While Rick moves to procure his silvery flask from his pocket, amused grin easing in the corners as his expression becomes idly impatient once more, Morty inhales, picking at a loose thread on his sweater if only to busy himself with something, too.

“Hey, Rick?” His tentative broach at conversation is met with a grunt while the old man slugs back his potent alcohol supply. Casting his grandfather a tentative smile, he fidgets with his fingers. “... Thanks. And- sorry. I- I know you hate, y’know, this whole- paying off this shithole, so we don’t wind up here, and stuff. And seeing those motherfuckers, and their stupid haircuts, more than you have to.”

... The sentiment doesn’t quite have the effect he wanted. Rick doesn’t smile back, once he’s finished downing the last drops from his flask. His brow narrows as he shoves it back into the pocket of his lab coat, and he shakes his head dismissively, refusing to take the attempt to uphold their good mood at face value. Disdain creeps right back into his tone- that distaste and disapproval over Morty’s every choice today rearing it’s ugly head with a vengeance, it seems.

“Yeah. I do. So I guess you owe me b-eeUURGH-ig time, Morty.” 

He returns simply, and Morty’s heart sinks upon registering the snippy edge to Rick’s tone... before he soon finds himself frowning deeply, annoyed with himself for even trying; consumed with that aching anger once again. There’s a certain, undeniable comfort to be found in how familiar the feeling is. Losing the moment of enjoying one another’s companionship, of things being how they were some two years ago again, stings. Undoubtedly. But it’s better not to dwell on them. 

Part of him always wonders if it’s his fault they are the way they are. Keeping each other at arm’s length. Essentially communicating through picking fights over nothing, and bickering over absolute bullshit, with terribly occasional, painfully rare warm moments interspersed amidst all of their resentment. If he were only more wide-eyed and naive, Rick wouldn’t be like this with him. Right? Rick thinks that Morty doesn’t know precisely what his fucking problem is, but it doesn’t exactly take a genius to decipher why he’s so harsh with him most days. Read between the lines of his grandfather’s unspoken resentment. 

No. It takes a smart, capable Morty, unafraid to call him or anyone, really, on bullshit, and injustice. And he never wanted that. What sort of Rick fucking does? The entire point of a Morty is to stand beside you, go along with whatever you say despite their own rightful apprehensions, to freak out and struggle and be impressed, awed, and horrified by the shit you pull. They’re sidekicks, but they’re never supposed to be all that competent. That’s the role of the Rick, after all. C-136 was fearful and clueless when they adventured in his youth, sure. There was a time. But he outgrew it far too fast, picked up on things far too quickly, keen for approval he didn’t want to give purely because of how actually deserved it was. Jesus, even as a kid, he was perceptive. Intrusively so. Full of cutting observations--- with alarmingly poignant outbursts over how Rick conducted himself, dripping with disdain for his behaviour, being plentiful from the tender age of eight.

Rick speaks.

“... Quit pulling this shit.”

Morty snaps.

“Quit being shit, Rick.”

They fix one another with a long, lingering look. It feels like a game of chicken- daring the figure across from them to be the one to break the prolonged staredown they’re locked into... and in turn, out himself as the coward ultimately too afraid to face up to the other. It ends in a perfect draw; grandfather and grandson tear their gazes away at the same moment, scoffing over how stupid it was at all, deliberately shuffling to sit a few more inches apart from one another. 

Distance from it, the duo both decide sullenly. Never as different from one another as they like to insist, unbeknown to the two of them. All you can do. He can’t be told.

Rick and Morty, Earth Dimension C-136, await their assigned portal back home in silence; the balance restored in their uncaring world, and dynamic decidedly chilly once more.