#for me I found it really hard to get into Clockwork Angel

[amaesama]

Request from @taboo-delusion

How do you think each of the pastas would react to seeing a new dude (Autistic) Stimming for the first time? (Something along the lines of spastic flapping or rapidly punching their own hands.)

Characters included: Jeff the Killer, Eyeless Jack, Ticci Toby, BEN Drowned, Sally, Bloody Painter, Homicidal Liu, Sully, Masky, Hoodie, Jane the Killer, Clockwork, The Puppeteer, Nurse Ann, Judge Angels, Slenderman

AN: writing for this many characters was both tiring and really fun 😭 also sorry for the delay, I’ve been busy :(

Slenderman:

The Slenderman had been observing you for years before you were recruited so he was aware of your stimming, thus was desensitised to it.

When he first saw you stim (before you joined him) he found it curious, chances were he knew Toby before he knew you so at first he thought it was a similar scenario, however as he continued to watch you he realised that wasn’t the case.

He was totally thinking of a way to use your stimming to his advantage, he’s an asshole so he totally wanted to manipulate you in some way

When you officially joined him he was somewhat curious as to how the others would react, perhaps some people wouldn’t understand and it would cause a dispute again he’s an asshole so he takes any chance to manipulate people, if someone takes issue with you he’ll totally see it as a good thing

Though personally he has to issue with it, as long as it doesn’t affect your work he doesn’t care

Masky|Tim Wright:

Oh god not another Toby

First time you stim in front of him he cringes and gets a sinking feeling in his stomach; he had seen similar actions with Toby and although he has no actual issue with it he has seen how disruptive Toby’s tics are and how they hurt him and others around him.

When he notices that your stims aren’t tics (because he can actually tell the difference) he’ll straight up ask you about it, and he’ll listen as you explain it.

Then when you finish he’ll be like ‘oh.. is there anything I can do to help when you do that?’ Obviously he doesn’t mean that in a bad way, he just wants to help you out but is very awkward when asking about it.

Gonna be honest Tim is a pretty alright guy (Marble Hornets Tim) so he’s not going to judge you for it.

Hoodie|Brian Thomas:

There’s honestly not much to say about him.

He’s just really indifferent, he’s around Toby all the time so he doesn’t care.

Like it’s almost off putting how unbothered he is? You’ll think that he somehow hasn’t noticed until he turns around one day and flat out asks you why you do that.

Then you tell him and he just says ‘ok’ before leaving and you’re just there like

??

He never comments on it or reacts to your stimming.

Ticci Toby:

‘Omg you’re like me.’

You then have to explain that you are, in fact, NOT exactly like him, and he’s a little disappointed for some reason but he’s still happy that there’s someone he knows that somewhat understands.

He’ll also ask if punching your hands together hurts, because of his CIPA he’s naturally curious about pain and due to your specific scenario he’ll totally ask questions.

Unfortunately you learn the hard way that your stims and his tics aren’t that compatible.

You stim one day and that sets off his tics and he has to leave :(

He’s upset because he probably won’t be able to be around you now.

Clockwork:

She’s around Toby a lot so as soon as you stim around her she’ll straight up ask you if you have Tourette’s.

She’s lowkey excited because she think she figured it out

Then when you tell her you stim because of your autism and they’re not tics she deflates a bit, disappointed that she was wrong.

And then whenever you stim around her from then on and it’s a stim she hasn’t seen she’ll be like ‘is that an autism thing?? Ah, ok.’

So she’s not bothered at all, she just likes to be aware of things.

Jeff the Killer:

‘Dude tf are you doing?’

Jeff is kind of an asshole, an uneducated asshole.

My blog is a Jeff hate page, /hj

He’ll be one of those dickheads who thinks you’re possessed and/or thinks you’re weird. Please explain to him and try to make him understand.

Eventually he’ll get it but he won’t be one of those who just doesn’t care, he’ll likely just look at your weird whenever you stim, but he will learn to not comment.

Can you tell I have a love hate relationship with Jeff

Jane the Killer:

She’s a bit surprised when she first sees you stim and is taken back a bit, not because she’s scared or anything but just because she didn’t expect it.

If there are people around then she won’t ask you about it, instead she’ll either wait until everyone has left or until she passes you in a corridor or something and say that she noticed you flapping your hands/punching them together and wanted to know if you’re ok.

When you explain it to her she’s like ‘oh!’ And will say she’s glad you’re ok, but she also wants you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself when you stim.

Homicidal Liu:

Unlike his brother, Liu is very understanding.

I think he’ll figure it out by himself, he will notice how your stims aren’t tics so by process of elimination he’ll come to the conclusion that you’re autistic.

He will ask you to make sure at some point, though, just to make sure.

Because Liu is an absolute sweetheart sorry I’m a simp he might try and stop you from hurting yourself when you go to punch your fists together.

‘Do you want to punch me instead?’ :)

Bless him, he’s got the right idea.

Did I mention that I’m a simp

He might flinch at times though, he’ll make sure you don’t take it to heart.

Sully:

Ok so here’s something I didn’t really mention, Liu absolutely had PTSD.

And when he first say you stim he panicked a little bit, which alerted Sully since he’s Lius protector.

Liu didn’t let him front and they had a bit of a conversation about it later, and they both came to the conclusion that you’re autistic and what you’re doing is stimming, so you’re not actually endangering Liu in any way.

You don’t really see Sully that often, but he has the same perspective of your stims as Liu, except he’s a bit more alert.

Eyeless Jack:

Another one who knows pretty much instantly.

He’s a former med student so he knows a fair bit about things like this, and he’ll actually explain the biological explanation behind it.

Sometimes he may over explain but that only because he’s passionate about his field of expertise and he likes to talk about what he knows, he means no ill-will and although he’ll understand if you tell him you know he’ll also appreciate if you just listen to him.

He’s the closest thing to a doctor they have so if you have any questions about your autism he’ll be very happy to talk to you.

He’ll also ask you questions about your own subjective experience for future reference.

BEN Drowned:

‘AH’

This kid straight up jumps out of his skin, bless.

He’s a bit spooked because although he’s around Toby a lot and is used to sudden movements when it comes to him, he doesn’t expect it with you.

You have to explain that you have autism and he be like ‘ah.’

He’ll try his best but he will still jump when you stim, he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable so he’ll go up to you and apologise.

Sally:

When you first stim around her she’ll just stare at you like O.O

Then when you finish she’ll point at your hands and ask ‘why did you do that?’ And then when you explain she’ll ask you if you need a plaster (band aid or whatever you wanna call them, idk I’m British).

Bless her heart, she’s such a good kid

From then on when you stim around her she’ll go and bring you an ice pack.

Bloody Painter|Helen Otis:

When you first stim around Helen he’ll just kind of watch you but he won’t comment - it’s not his business and it’s not bothering him so he won’t press for details.

He’ll know that there’s a reason but he won’t ask since he doesn’t think it concerns him.

However, if you stim around him when he’s drawing or painting he’ll have a different reaction.

The first time he won’t react, just pause and look at you for a second before continuing with his work. But the SECOND time he’ll ask you to leave; his art is very important and he likes it to be quiet when he’s working.

Helen is very blunt and he can come across as cold and rude, he won’t go out of his way to apologise but it isn’t his intention to offend you or make you uncomfortable.

The Puppeteer:

Ok so I don’t know much about him but I’ll try my best.

I think Johnathan falls into the ‘figures it out by themselves’ category.

You don’t get the opportunity to meet him for a while so you’ll probably have met everyone else before you meet him, and you’ll also not see him much at all to be honest.

When he first sees you stim he’ll probably just study you for a bit, and then just ask you if you have autism.

He’s not bothered and will keep it in mind for the next time he see’s you.

Nurse Ann:

Ann is a doctor, so like Jack she also will be fairly knowledgeable.

When she first see’s you stim she will ask you if you’re autistic or have a movement disorder, and when you answer she’ll nod and go write it down as she keeps notes on everyone’s medical history.

Unlike Jack she won’t over explain your own autism to you, though to be honest she probably won’t have the chance to since she’s always busy.

Judge Angels:

Because of their upbringing, Dina doesn’t really know much about autism. Or anything really.

Bless

When you first stim around them they’ll probably just sit there awkwardly for a bit since they don’t want to upset you or come off as too forward, and then ask why you did that with you’re hands.

When you tell them you’re autistic they will honestly be really interested and will ask you more about it since they enjoy learning things to compensate for their closed off childhood.

At times they’ll ask a tad too many questions and if you’re comfortable enough to tell them to stop then they’ll probably panic as they think they made you uncomfortable.

Did I mention that I love Dina

[thesoulspulse]

Regarding The Ancients (Part 1)

We don’t really know all that much about the Ancients who defeated Pariah Dark or what happened to them after they faded into legend, but there are a few things I found interesting about them so I’m here to share my thoughts with you! Now, when Skulker was telling Danny and the others the legend of Pariah Dark’s defeat we saw these representations of the Ancients in the flashbacks but who’s to say if this is what they actually looked like? Personally I like the idea that Clockwork was one of them, but I digress.

Before we get into the rest of it, let’s start with a quick recap of the legend itself!

“It was many years ago. Before you. Before me. Before most of us.

His name was Pariah Dark. And he ruled the Ghost Zone.  He was a ghost of such power and magnitude, only he could control the energies contained within the Crown of Fire and the Ring of Rage. When wearing both- he could do anything.

Until a group of powerful ancient ghosts banded together in a last ditch effort to defeat the King. By locking him within the Sarcophagus of Forever Sleep. Or so we thought.”

~ Skulker, Danny Phantom S2, Reign Storm

One thing I really like about the show sometimes is actually the lack of information so we can fill in the blanks or small details that can be expanded upon. For example, while watching a clip of this scene here are a couple of things I noticed:

The Fright Knight brought Pariah Dark the Crown of Fire from somewhere else, suggesting he stole it from someone else, possibly from the Ancients themselves who are safeguarding it for the ‘true’ Ghost King?

The Fright Knight himself placed the crown on Pariah’s head, but Pariah was already wearing the ring so either he ordered the Fright Knight to steal it beforehand as well, or perhaps he personally defeated/destroyed its original owner.

The next part is where it gets interesting for me at least when I noticed a small inconsistency. Up until the end of the flashback there were exactly 6 robed figures, but in the last part there’s an extra, a 7th that wasn’t there before. Did they rejoin the group at the very end to reduce most of Pariah’s Kingdom to ruins? Or were they always there but no one remembers them?

The 7th ancient is really hard to see once they lay waste to Pariah’s Kingdom, but they’re definitely there since there’s a seventh energy ray aimed at the castle. And personally, I like the idea of there being 7 in total because 7 is symbolically seen as an angelic number:

“Number 7's represent fullness in life. This number is the number of perfection. This is much like the seven wonders of the world, the seven days of the week, and more. The number seven also suggests completeness. It is one of the secret numbers we see that is a symbol of perfection and symbol of eternal life.” ~ https://sarahscoop.com/the-numerology-meaning-and-symbolism-of-angel-number-7/

Six still works too since it’s a perfect balance, but again, seven is a lot more mystical in my opinion. And so my question is this-

P.S. I’m only using Lydia to represent the 7th one visually since her cloak is what inspired me to create my oc Azrael along with the Ancients. I’ll continue with a few theories in the next part.

Part 2: https://thesoulspulse.tumblr.com/post/698800245165948928/regarding-the-ancients-part-2

[prince-honeypaw]

IM HERE

Ok with those many jobs, you KNOW Hizashi is incredibly overworked. Baby time is super important in making sure he doesn't crash, but sometimes it's hard to find a spare moment; there's just so much to do!

I'd love to see CG Aizawa noticing when Hizashi has put off regressing for just a little too long and helping his baby down for some rest - 🎧

♡ Sure thing! I know you said CG Aizawa and all, but I made them both flips for this one! It maaay have gotten away from me a bit as well... >w>; ♡ Hope you enjoy it!

♡ Not everyone has the luxury of saying that they're married to their best friend, and even fewer can say that they're married to their caregiver. Though that's not the case for Hizashi and Shouta! They got married not long after Shouta started working at UA as a teacher, though they'd been regressing since the loss of their friend, Oboro.

♡ Normally they would either regress together or take turns with being one another's caregiver–Hizashi is very meticulous when it comes to setting away time to regress. But, Shouta notices that recently Hizashi hasn't been regressing with him lately–or regressing at all!–and it annoys him.

♡ They are both rather overworked individuals, but Hizashi has to manage his radio show on top of being a teacher and a hero! Shouta isn't one for being hero complexed over... But, he's also not exactly the most vocal about his feelings.

♡ So, rather than talking to his husband like a proper adult, Shouta lays a trap on the night that Hizashi set aside for them. He'd said that he was going to take care of Shouta tonight, so he just had to go change into something more comfortable! What Hizashi did not know was that Shouta would not be changing. If Shouta knew his husband as well as he thought he did, he knew that it would only take fifteen minutes before he came to check on him.

♡ Like clockwork, Shouta's husband comes looking for him and asks if he needs help. Only, Hizashi finds that instead of Shouta getting ready, the baby blue knitted jumper his mother gifted him for his birthday and a pair of pink joggers he'd stolen from Nemuri. Those were not the clothes he had put out for Shouta and Shouta was no where to be found, "Baby, I told you we're not doing this tonight-"

♡ Hizashi is ambushed by his husband and unceremoniously tossed on their bed, squawking, "Did you seriously THROW me?!" Only to receive a silent nod in response. Naturally, that means they have to wrestle about it.

♡ Mostly they roll over on each other, tangle the bed sheets, and knock Hizashi's glasses to the wayside, but Hizashi is not above biting and does so to get the upper hand, to which Shouta incredulously asks, "Did you really just bite me?" And retorts by licking Hizashi's eye, making him shriek.

♡ "You are acting like such a child!" Hizashi shouts and tosses Shouta off of himself and springs on top like a weird little rat beast. Shouta goes quiet for another moment, looking up at him and saying in a soft voice, "And you're not. That's the problem..."

♡ The confession is at least enough to stop Hizashi from revenge licking Shouta, though he does have to sit their with his tongue blepped out while his husband reluctantly elaborates, "Since the attack on USJ, you haven't regressed with me in months. You always take care of me and never let me do the same. I'm not fragile, Hizashi, I can still take care of you."

♡ Having it brought directly to his attention does force Hizashi to recognize what he was doing. He had been avoiding his headspace since nearly losing Shouta and–unintentionally–pushed Shouta away in some ways. He didn't even notice how much it hurt Shouta to not be trusted that way. "I... Didn't notice, angel. I'm sorry."

♡ They'd definitely have to talk more about it later on, but for now they had the night together and time to make up for. Shouta insisted that he could be the caregiver for the night, but Hizashi also insisted that he would not mind at all if Shou slipped as well. After some wet wipes and compromising, they both changed into pajamas and took out the toy box strategically hidden in the hall closet, (See: absolutely covered in winter wear.), setting up for a night off.

♡ Where Shouta can slip into headspace with incredible ease, Hizashi is much more particular about how he regresses. He cannot have his hair up too tight or it feels too much like work, he HAS to have his glasses–not contacts!–if he needs to see, he can only wear soft fabrics that don't cling too hard unless they are leggings with a fun pattern, and he simply MUST have at least three kandi bracelets on. He can't help being a high maintenance baby, it's just how he likes to be!

♡ Shouta actually learned how to braid to try and help take one of the steps out of Hizashi's regression routine, but he is not exactly the greatest at braiding Hizashi's hair. Eri's hair? Absolutely. Hitoshi's hair? Carefully, but yes! Nemuri's hair? Certainly. He can even braid his own hair rather well, but Hizashi's hair? So slippery. It likes to escape from him until he gives up and surrenders to a low ponytail.

♡ Hizashi appreciates the effort and says that it would just inevitably get messed up anyway. Even the low pony that Shouta manages his hair into gets ruffled up! Though, Shouta is entirely to blame for that. Says if he's going to be the big spoon during the third showing of Webkinz Hit Single: Mustache Louie then he gets to use the baby as a chin scratcher. The baby screams about it.

♡ One of the most demanded activities of little Hizashi is absolutely arts and crafts, specifically anything to do with beads! Every kandi bracelet he owns he has either made himself or traded for with one of his own creations. He's always drawn to beads with fun shapes, like stars and hearts, but they'll always be brightly colored! Shouta usually ends up having an armful of bracelets before the night is over because Hizashi will say, "Up" and he'll just hold his arm out without a second thought. It's just pavlovian at this point!

♡ Hizashi's shapes and colors appreciation also extends over to food! He'll usually gravitate towards things like tri-color rotini pasta, smiley fries, and dinosaur nuggets! Shouta will occasionally use cookie cutters to slice fruit just to see what kind of mangled shapes will come of it, and Hizashi is always fascinated and/or horrified by the results.

♡ He still eats it regardless of initial reaction.

♡ However they spend the night, Hizashi forgets about why he'd been so hesitant to be small for so long. He'd missed this, he'd missed this side of his husband so dearly! Even when Shouta eventually regresses with him, Hizashi still missed being with him like this, being so small and so safe, but most of all just being together.

♡ Because that was all he really wanted and was so scared to lose.

♡ They may not be perfect, and they'd surely still have bumps in the road ahead, but they promise to do right by one another in the future. And they most certainly don't have anymore wrestling matches about regression... For a few weeks.

[furiousofpanda]

SORRY FOR ANY ERRORS OR ANYTHING ITS 12 AM AND IM TIRED AS SHIT BUT I STILL PULLED THIS OUT MY ASS

Short story between Wake (POV) and Grym (wip character who I haven't drawn yet)

Let's be real here, most characters I'm about to mention are concepts in my head I have yet to draw out even though I already have whole lore and even voice claims for them.

I'll give an introduction of Grym and the place it take place in after this story.

_____________________________

"I'd like to meet you some day," You said, laying on the dark void of a barrier that separates you from the only one you can consider a friend and looking into the dangling static sky of clockwork mirrors and your island.

"I'd ..ike .o .oo" the muffled voice came through. You haven't had company like this in a long while, and even though the voice was hard to hear, it was better then the gutting silence in. Plus, guessing from your previous conversations Grym is just looking to get away from Jitter, Haddock and Xate for as much as he can.

"Ho.. wha.ev.r ..u do going fo. ..u?" He cuts through your pandering thoughts or well, his awkward silence.

"Whatever I do is crumbs if I know, it's not like I came with a job description." Wake said with a lighthearted sarcasm. "It's just the usual."

There was a long pause

"Pardon?" Grym says, you can probably guess that he's yelling on the other side.

"ITS GOING GOOD!" you yell, Grym matches your energy with a responded loud and clear "yay!"

You both continue chattering loudly until Grym gets called by a deep bellowing rumble of a voice of who you assume is Haddock, where Grym and you yell loud goodbyes through the void built.

You sit up, the mirrors don't seem to be following a pattern but slowly move down in their own rhythm to near where you now have sat up, usually some mutiverses would crack or shatter under the pressure of the void's hands pulling the mirrors through, making a loud crash or crunch, but you found an area that had multiverses with lots of success signs which leads to opportunities like this where you can talk to Grym and learn about him and what's beyond your prison. You sometimes wonder if your really bound here, but since your memory problems started occuring, you can't remember how to enter worlds. So yo do what you do best, and push yourself off the void, twisting and turning shape gracefully in a zero gravity space, collecting back together to speculate a doomed multiverse that caught your eye. Not doomed due to an anomaly as as small bit of you hoped but just something normal to watch, something you can't interfere with even if you tried.

________________________

Okay you may be asking

"What the fuck did I just read??"

Let me explain a good chunk of it so that if I make more but longer stories like this that are better written you'll at least get it.

In my cannon there is a space outside of universes and multiverses only accessible to the incomprehensible or likewise. There are no gods, no demons or angels, but something thats just all of it combined. Its more like eldritch beings and the slightly anonymous being cryptids to an extent.

Nonetheless there are rankings based on these factors

1. Type (what job do you do?)

2. Incomprehensibility

The higher up the rankings the more dangerous they are to know about, definitely a cognitive hazard for those who aren't eldritch-sorts themselves.

I'm not going to go all over them but simply the relevant ones at the moment, otherwise we'll be here literally all week

Rank doesn't determine personality, status, or form, there may be minor identifying things but typically any of these can appear as any shape or form. Lower ranks usually can't change their appearance while higher ranks change too much and/or to some capacity cannot simply be observed even by an eye of a "god"

Each area is formed for the purpose and personality of the rank that belongs there. Most Ranks such as Watchers, Caretakers, Pawns and Jury stand alone, locked in their own Zones, while all other ranks share their zones, Ranks who stand alone usually are introverted to some extent or are horrible with communication, but have jobs at sorting the multiverses that exist from the ones that are being worked on and are maybe hue successes, sorting out dead and forgotten worlds, ones forgotten by the creator and community.

Rank 0 - Oracle

Harmless to the mind, these beings are gifted individuals who have abandoned their old lives to live solitude outside the fabric of the multiverse. They are the only ones any class is able to visit, as they are able to observe any level without effects and see (or sometimes send) individuals into the past or future of specific multiverses/timelines. When they do send them back it's more like a memory, as the individual sent back is a ghost, unable to be heared or unable to touch anything in the past or future (to prevent timeline issues).

Oracle grounds are usually underneath the Guardians (Rank 20) that are separating the creators of the worlds and are typically seen as a the first line of passive defense. Don't think these dainty creatures are passive, theyvan see straight through you, knowing your intentions. If you plan on passing through the gate, they will put you unconscious even if a creature is unable to go unconscious and send them back to the multiverse they originate from or belong, which if it's another lower than guardian rank trying to trespass, will get the same treatment, sent back to their zone.

I'll explain 1 -3 later, they are still in development conceptually

Rank 4 - Watcher

Watchers are like physical moderators who catch and delete harmful anomalies, particularly ones that harm other multiverses, as in-multiverse anomalies are completely fine as long as they don't hop multiverses at a time and start breaking Multiverses down. Thus with such an important task, Watchers are usually able to take on any sort of form, but they must play by the universes rules that they have entered unless they have located and are fighting off the anomaly. This is more of a forced thing as all watchers are physically unable to use anything out of the ordinary depending on the ordinary of that world, unless they have located the anomaly, then these restraints are suddenly lifted. Location is knowledge of where (and/or when if time travel is involved), maybe not pinpoint but if they have a faint idea, it unlocks that multiverse lock temporarily. Once the anomaly is deleted or patched, the being is summoned back to their post.

Wake is a Watcher, but most watchers nowadays use their abilities to hive-mind duplicate themselves to watch while doing other things or be to places at once, wanting a more Mortal-inspired lifestyle.

Rank 5 - Weavers

Weavers and Puzzleworkers (rank 6) work together, even though most Puzzleworkers are invisible to the Weavers the work in the same area

Once a multiverse passes the test of time, the are sorted by if the multiverses have been unscathed or if they are cracked. Cracked means it still can shatter but it also has the potential to fix itself. Unscathed ones are put in picture frames hung by the same goop that the test of time was made of, the reason Weavers are nicknamed Weavers is because the make sure the goop doesn't run thin, making sure good universes don't fall and get forgotten. Of course some fall here and there unnoticed but Weavers tend to the top while puzzleworkers handle the bottom.

Grym is a Plage-doctor-esk faced character that harbors a not so fandy outfit with a cloak on top that have gold buttons down the middle. The outfit itself is stained black with the void's color other than Grym's body himself. He has legs sometimes but seems to prefer moving around with an octopus like lover body.

His voice claims is "Let time pass through" or whatever that song was that sounded like Kermit was singing it, yeah his vc is fuckin Kermit and I love Grym as a concept sm

Rank 6 - Puzzleworkers

Not going to completely cover this cause I'm getting tired of writing this and I'd have to explain the few I skipped over to have this one be fully understood, as Puzzleworkers are essentially like beings that have a body but it cannot be processed by the brain or even if without a brain, the aren't ment to be seen, so the look invisible or like a silhouette if anything. They're jobs are to pick up the broken pieces of the multiverses that have shattered and either attempt to piece it together to a whole or if there is too many missing pieces, melt it down into something new, where the concepts are sent back to creators in hope that eventually the aspects of the broken worlds gets used in some way.

That's it I'm tired, but feel free to ask questions cause I'm nowhere near done

Idk if y'all are even interested in my oc sheit so oop

[jettman1970]

Well, just like clockwork and right on schedule. I am jonesing for her. I need my fix. It's literally driving me crazy. The effects of this trauma bond are so intense. I know. I mean, I really know how bad we are for each other. But yet, I went by her old apartment today. It looks like she has moved. She was scheduled to move this month anyway. I have no idea where. Part of me is sad that I don't know, but part of me says it is a good thing that I don't know. I then went by her work place to see if her car was there. I didn't see it. That could be a number of different things. But, it's best that I don't know. She's definitely toxic. And I'm also toxic for her. Again, I mentioned it before. I'm no angel in this relationship. I have many demons I wrestle with and I know it affected our relationship badly.

I was talking to my therapist the other day. She knows how Samantha and I got started and of my previous relationship. By society standards, Samantha and I should have never met, let alone become what we did. I'm sure some of you have very strong opinions about it. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is and I can't change what has happened.

I mentioned to my therapist that the relationship I was in before I met Samantha lasted about 31 years. I mentioned to her that I let Samantha get away with so much abuse towards me. Treated me like crap in so many ways and that I would never have let my ex treat me even a fraction of the way Samantha did. I just simply would not have allowed it. But this trauma bond is......is a mind fuck. I let her walk all over me. I'm sure you all have heard the term "pussy whipped". Well, this thing called a trauma bond is some next level shit. It's pussy whipped on steroids. I wouldn't wish this on my enemies. I want to learn more about it and how it works but I found out some awful news about it. This is something that will affect me for years. Although I will get better in a lot of time, it's also something that I likely won't ever fully recover from. She will always be there in the back of my mind no matter how hard I try to forget her.

Samantha and I went to this same therapist for couples counseling for a while. I never really felt like I got much out of it. It's funny too because Samantha would be sitting there with me. I would barely have anything to say. Too afraid to speak. Too afraid to trigger a meltdown. Too many eggshells. It would mostly be Samantha and the therapist talking. Well after Samantha and I split the last time, I decided to continue to see her for some other unresolved issues that I have. I've only been twice so far, but wow. I feel so much better after. When it was Samantha and I there, I barely said two sentences. Now, just me, the therapist can barely speak. I have yet to get to the real reason I wanted to see her because I just need to vent about the last 3 years. The therapist can't believe that I have so much to say when I would barely speak before. That's the fastest hour ever.

I did also learn something about myself that I find absolutely fascinating. I learned that there are 3 versions of myself. The first version is who and what I was before I met Samantha. The second version is who I became with Samantha. And the third version is who I am becoming after Samantha.

The first version is dead. Totally dead. It's hard to explain but that version of me will never be back. The second version of me.... well I like to think he's dead, but days like today leave me doubting myself.

The third version of me...... well, it's hard to say. I've only just met him. We're off to a Rocky start. I like him. A lot. I'm just not sure what he's all about. I don't know if he has what it takes to move forward. He shows great potential though. He doesn't know what to do with his New Normal. For the first time in 34 years, he truly is single. He has no one to answer to. It's quite nice. But not something he can ever remember being able to do. He isn't sure what the future holds for him or where he will end up. He's both excited and afraid at the same time.

I will most likely move away from the city Samantha and I desperately wanted to make it in. As far as I know, she still loves it here and is still in the area. As for me, I still love it here as well, but it's now tainted. There's so many questionable things that's occurred to me. The city is definitely big enough that I doubt we would ever run into each other, but just driving around and seeing things. Reminded of things, it hurts thinking about. Questions that I know I won't ever get answers to.

I really like my job here. I have an excellent boss that I love working for. That being said, I feel like I need to move away. Partly so I won't try to find her and secondly, too much pain and just too many questions. I'm thinking I will ride out the winter here and start fresh in the spring to something New. I don't know yet. I'm just giving it time.

Samantha was born and raised in LA. I've never seen the Pacific. We had often talked about going out there for a trip. She was going to be my personal tour guide. I was going to hold her in my arms and watch the sun set on the Pacific the first time I was to see it.

There's a woman who lives here who I've been talking to online who is actually at her cottage right now in San Luis Obispo. We've never actually met in person yet but we have walked past each other a few times and not realized it. Anyway, she has invited me out there. I really want to go, but I don't think I will enjoy it because of Samantha and our plans. I think I just need a little more time.

[enhaheeseung]

Angel pt.2 l. heeseung

Pairing: stripper heeseung X college graduate y/n reader.

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex, rough sex, mentions of alcohol, cursing, vulgar language, mentions of cheating, lots of angst, spitting kink, fluff, breeding kink. dirty talk, choking kink, daddy kink kind of, I think that’s it. If there is more, feel free to let me know.

contains hard dom heeseung, sub reader, brief mentions of jake, toxic relationship kinda, major time skip. (long-distance relationship.)

Summary: none cause I’m just so bad at them it’s embarrassing.

word count: 15,042 (lowkey proud of myself)

angel pt.1

masterlist

confessional

grab your popcorn cause this is a long one, besties🍿🥤

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since you confessed to each other, you just couldn’t keep your hands off of him. the same could be said for him as well. Every morning at 2 am, right on the dot, you found yourself wrapped up in his arms, completely surrendering yourself to him. Being with him was the highlight of your every day. after all the studying and stress, he was always there to take care of you, to meet your every single need, and to help you unwind. Getting together with him was like clockwork.

But the deadline was coming. You only had one day before your departure, you contemplated just leaving without a single word, but every time the thought crossed your mind, it made your heart sink. You couldn’t just go without saying goodbye. But, unfortunately, there wasn’t anything that you could do. The dates had already been set.

You had to follow your dreams if he was there or not. Though you didn’t know how long you would be able to last without him. You had already gotten in way too deep.

And there was just one more thing you wanted to cross off your list of things to do with him.

Since the very beginning, the two of you never went all the way. But you had to make love with him just one time before you left him.

Your want overpowered your better judgment.

You figured there’s no better time to bring it up than right here right now. Even though he just gave you one of the best orgasms of your life, you still needed to feel him and connect with him like you never had before. one day was left, and you were going to make the most of it.

“so…. you started out slightly afraid of his answer. “when are we going to go all the way?” you looked up at him, rubbing small soothing circles on his chest, while he stared up at the ceiling.

His ears perked up.

“I thought you’d never ask,” he smiled down at you. “truthfully, I wanted to on the first night” there was no point in denying it.

You were not expecting that answer. But he was giving you the green light, and you took it.

You got up from on top of him and straddled his waist.

“Why don’t we start now?” he placed his hands on your thighs, signaling you to stay still.

“Something wrong? You ask him.

“Absolutely not. It’s just I don’t want our first time to be here. Let’s take this back to my place, where there’s an actual bed” he wanted everything to be perfect for his first time with you. he definitely wasn’t going to make love with you at some low-class place like a strip club.

Sure, that’s where he worked. But his standard for you was much higher than his standard for himself.

You got off of him dressing properly.

“let’s get going, shall we?” he grabbed your hand, leading you out of the club. He had already wrapped up everything before you got there.

Whenever you came over, which was every day. he always wanted the last thing he did to be you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You couldn’t even breathe the air of his apartment in before his lips were already sewn onto yours. You loved his kisses the most, even if they were sloppy and uncoordinated, or the ones where he would really focus on your lips. His kisses were the best, and they always will be.

You both tripped and stumbled your way to his bedroom, removing your clothing in the process, which proved to be rather difficult, but he couldn’t care less when he was with you.

He’d do anything it took to have you.

He pushed you to lay on his bed, positioning himself between your legs. You could feel his bulge pressed against you already, and as many times as you had him, you could never get used to the feelings he invoked in you.

Your heart was already racing in anticipation.

He reconnected his lips to yours, and it was as if he couldn’t get enough of the way your tongue traced over his bottom lip or how you’d swirl your tongue around his perfectly. he was absolutely stoked about making love to you. But if the only thing he could do was kiss you, he wouldn’t think twice about it.

He put his hand between your legs and started rubbing at your bud, gathering your slick on his fingers, wasting no time, he stuck two fingers in, your wetness being enough lubricant to slide them in easily, he thrust his fingers in and out of you slowly, relishing in the feeling of your warm walls sucking his fingers inside of you.

“open up,” he all but moaned into your mouth. He gathered his saliva and spat inside your mouth before attaching his lips to yours once again.

You moaned into the kiss while he continued to finger you, his thumb never leaving your now swollen clit.

He could feel you tightening around his fingers. You try to pull away to warn him of your approaching orgasm, but he could already tell from the way your walls were pulsating.

You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed by how fast he could have you coming.

“go ahead and let go for me. You’re always such a good girl,” after a few more encouraging words from him. Mixed with his warm fingertips brushing against that one special spot inside of you had your climax washing over you faster than it ever had before. You were seeing stars for the second time that night. Every orgasm he gave to you was always better than the previous.

He pulled his fingers away gently.

“you always look so sexy when you come undone for me” you hid your face with your hands, too embarrassed to make eye contact with him.

“Funny how you can stare into my soul when you’re sucking the life out of me, but when you come, you can’t even look my way,” he pouted, faking disappointment.

“well, if you can make me come again, I’ll make sure to look at you the whole time,” you challenged him.

“easy,” he rubbed his cock all over your pussy lips, gathering your juices. Knowing just how much of an impact he had on you.

“wait,” you were starting to worry a little. You’ve never done something like this before. You knew he would always take care of you. But your nerves were getting the best of you.

“are you okay? If you don’t want to, we can stop” he rubbed your cheek with the back of his hand to comfort you.

“no. I do, but it’s just that you’ll be my first,” you admit hoping that he wouldn’t think any different of you.

You couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He just sat there frozen, staring down at you.

He withdrew away from you a little to collect himself.

“y/n, I’m so sorry. I should have known. god, I’m so stupid.” he was beating himself up because he never thought about how you were feeling. “I only thought about what I wanted. I’m so selfish.”

“Hey, don’t say that. I want you right now more than anything in this whole entire world. You’re not stupid. There’s no way you could have known, and you’re not selfish either. You always make sure I’m fully taken care of and feeling good. just promise me you’ll be gentle.”

From then on, he was going to make it a point to find out as much about you as he could.

He looked at you with his watery eyes. he caressed your beautiful face with his soft, delicate hands once more. He felt so nervous. All he wanted to do was make sure you felt good,

“anything for you, my love” he placed one last kiss on your lips before pulling away.

He positioned himself at your entrance, pushing in only the tip, scanning your face attentively for any signs of discomfort. When he found none, he moved in, inch by inch, filling you up with his cock completely.

You were pleasantly surprised when you felt no pain at all. He had prepped you perfectly. You were so wet and stretched out from his fingers that he was able to just glide right in your pussy with ease.

“baby, please go faster” he instantly sped up his thrust wanting to meet your each and every expectation. And, of course, his own needs as well.

“fuck y/n, you’re still so tight, even after I stretched you out with my fingers. you feel so warm and perfect around me.”

you trapped him with your legs. he wasn’t going anywhere. But you made sure of it.

“I’ve thought about this so many times before, what it’d feel like to be stuffed full of your big cock”

he groaned at your dirty little confession.

“is it everything you imagined it would be?” he wanted to know what you thought of him. he always did.

“it’s everything and more” he couldn’t hold back the smile he felt forming on his face. As long as you were happy, so was he.

“your pussy is like a dream, except I’m wide awake” he wondered how someone could be so perfect and how he got lucky enough to claim you as his.

That just happened to be one really important detail he left out. In his head, you were his. But he hadn’t had that conversation with you yet.

He thumbed at your clit to make you reach your high.

“angel,” you moaned. After all this time, you still didn’t know his name.

You didn’t push for it either, and you figured it would come to light sooner than later in due time.

And you were right.

Now that his relationship with you was far more than just some raunchy strip club, he wanted to take things a step further with you.

“call me heeseung, love.”

And there it was. You felt closer to him now than you ever have. Technically because you were, he was buried to the hilt inside you, but that’s not what you meant. Now he revealed his real name, he took you back to his place to make love to you, and he made sure everything was absolutely perfect, this is the type of closeness you always longed for, and now that you found it, you would never ask for anything more.

The connection was there. And you were even happier than on the day of your graduation.

But happiness and sadness seem to always coincide with you. Now it would be even harder to say goodbye to him.

“oh fuck, heeseung, just a little bit more,” you moaned for his ears only.

Your eyes never left his, just like he wanted.

There was something so different about when you called his name. Something erupted in the pit of his stomach that he had never felt before. He finally felt like he was wanted, like he was needed. You were making him feel it since the first day he walked past that curtain and laid his eyes on you. There was no way he was ever letting you go.

You made him feel complete. He could only hope you felt the same way for him. and he was 99.9% sure that you did.

Only a few minutes had passed, and you were already coming on his cock, your walls encasing him perfectly.

“oh heeseung fuck, it feels so good” your whole body shook while you indulged in your high.

“I know, baby, you’re taking me so well” just a few more strokes, and he was coming deep inside you. “y/n, I love you, I love you so much,” he whispered while he pumped his come as deep in you as possible, he wanted to give you his all.

“I love you more,” you whisper to him, calming him from his intense orgasm. You rubbed the sides of his face gently while he watched you with his eyebrows knitted tightly together from the pleasure he was feeling.

You could both feel something different. this wasn’t like all the other times you had been together. It was special, don’t get it wrong, every second spent with each other was special. But tonight, you could feel it even more. It was so intimate that not even words could describe how you both felt at that moment.

You kissed him like it was the last time, and unfortunately for you and him, it would be, at least for a while.

He had settled his nerves, pulling out of you, careful not to hurt you.

And for the second time, you were wrapped in his arms. He made you feel like you were the only person that existed, and to him, you are.

He kissed your temple before breaking the silence.

“did you like it?” he asked, slightly unsure of himself. You had done a lot of things together. But this was the first time you made love.

“I loved it. Everything I do with you is always perfect, hee” he let out a surprised gasp.

“did you just give me a nickname?” he looked Perplexed. he couldn’t hide the blush rising to his cheeks. No one had ever called him out of his name before. he loved it. It was weird, but it made his heart feel at ease.

“do you not like it? I can chang-“

“no! I love it. Don’t ever call me anything else from now on” he rubbed your shoulder, massaging you.

“you know, this was even better than I imagined,” he confessed.

“you’ve imagined us like this before?”

“all the time, I was just waiting for the right moment, and this was absolutely perfect. I’ve imagined other things too, you know.”

“like what?” you were curious.

“All the things we could do together, like a first date, waking up next to you, holding your hand, being able to kiss you when and where ever I want to, and so many others.”

He let out a content sigh.

“maybe this is too much. But I’ve even thought about marrying you and having kids in the future,” his heart was racing a mile a minute. He was terrified of what your reaction would be. But he just wanted to be truthful with you. he could never be this open with anyone but you.

He didn’t know it, but he wasn’t ready for the commitment. Since he met you, he couldn’t pace himself, and he just wanted everything that he missed out on before.

You felt like complete shit. You had to tell him. this was probably the absolute worst time to do it, but there was no time left.

“hee, loo-“ he cut you off.

“I know it’s too soon. Just forget I said anything, okay?” he wanted to let himself down before you could.

Little did you both know, he’d be the one letting you down soon enough.

“it’s not that. I would love to do all those things with you, and I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather spend my time with” he felt relieved for all of a split second.

“So what’s the matter?” he assumed it was nothing good. His heart had already sunk to the pit of his stomach. It was just the waiting game now, but what came next was nothing he ever predicted.

“I’m leaving,” you quickly rushed out your words.

“What?” he looked at you, speaking with his voice barely above a whisper. “look, y/n, I thought I already said you weren’t good at joking.”

He prayed that you were joking, even if it was a very cruel, sick joke.

“I’m leaving in one day. I got accepted to study abroad. That’s the message I got when we were together, and I had to answer cause I was waiting for them to contact me” you spoke everything in one breath, thinking it would make it better somehow.

you felt him release you from his arms.

It took him a few seconds to register what you had said.

He felt like you were acting strange that night. He finally knew why. Everything made sense now.

He was looking you dead in the eye.

“and you’re only telling me now?” why d-didn’t you say something sooner? then maybe I could have done something” his eyes were already showing tears.

“what would you have done?” your expression mirrored his.

“I don’t know. Maybe I could have forced myself to not have feelings for you” he didn’t even know what to say. He was just too hurt to even fully comprehend what was happening.

Just the idea of him not having feelings for you anymore made your tears fall.

“I can’t believe you. I trusted you. I was always truthful with you, even if it meant losing you, and this is the best you have for me. Did you ever love me? or was this all just some little game to you?”

He hadn’t always been truthful, but he would come to realize that later.

“hee, I-“

“you! are not allowed to call me that anymore” he got out of bed, putting his clothes back on.

“I planned my whole future with you in it, and this whole time, you were planning on leaving me out of yours?” he shook his head. “I should have known better,” he scoffed at you.

“it’s not like that, I swear!”

“then what is it!” he yelled, causing more tears to fall from your eyes.

“I didn’t think you’d have feelings for me, okay? I had planned on seeing you one last time and then leaving. I just wanted to get some closure on my feelings for you and just forget this ever happened” though it was the truth, it sounded way worse on his ears.

“to just forget about me, huh? I guess it’s just that easy for you. to make someone fall in love with you, just to move on, and leave them in the past” he was broken.

He was in love with something, but it wasn’t you, not yet, at least.

“you’re not understanding me,” you tried to plead with him.

“I understand perfectly fine. You’re leaving. what more is there to understand?”

You just sat there with tears in your eyes. This turned out worse than you ever thought it would.

“y/n, I think you’re the one that’s not understanding.”

he looked you in the eyes. Hating the tears that fell from them. He hated the fact that he was the cause of them.

“Without you, I’m nothing,” and now you were broken. “but hey, look on the bright side” he smiled bitterly, fake enthusiasm in his tone. “I’ll just skip this part of my life. Move on, and forget you ever existed.

He was speaking out of anger and sadness. He didn’t mean a word of it. He was just upset that you were leaving.

“just go, I can’t stand you,” he lied. he just couldn’t see you anymore. He knew he’d be at your feet, begging for you not to leave if he did.

You gathered all your clothes putting them on. Before leaving, he spoke to you one last time.

“so much for not ever doing anything to hurt me, but I suppose that’s right, you didn’t hurt me. you broke me.”

So that was just it.

“I’m sorry. And I'll never forget you” you left him for the last time.

After you left, he just laid in his bed crying his eyes out, and he felt so sick. All he wanted was to just die.

He’s never felt such pain, it hurt so much that he didn’t know what to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dreadful day had finally arrived. What was supposed to be the best day of your life ended up being the worst. It was spent full of nothing but tears and sorrow. You expected him not to be happy about your departure, but when he said he’d just forget you ever existed, that really just hurt you the most.

There was no way you could ever forget him. even if you tried, so how could he say those words to you so easily? You felt like a piece of you was missing. And to a large extent, it was. of course, You spoke to your family and friends about leaving, but you didn’t want anyone to be there if he wasn’t. It was selfish. The people that had been with you throughout everything, you shut them out over a guy you hadn’t even known for a year. But the weird part is you didn’t care.

If he wasn’t going to be there, you didn’t want anyone else to be either.

He ruined your life. Wait, let’s rephrase that, you allowed him to ruin your life by letting him in and falling in love with him.

It’s almost like you had no drive to even continue life without him. You just kept moving like you always had because, well, you had to.

You weren’t too sure how much further that would take you though, cause you found yourself contemplating seeing him again.

Just like before,

Sure it was selfish. It was extremely selfish of you. You hurt him. and you still have the nerve to show your face, but you had to see your baby just one last time, even though things ended on rocky terms, or rather you and Him would no longer be seeing each other terms. You had to go to him and let him know that this wasn’t just a game to you. It never was.

And you were going to tell him just how much you truly do love him.

Even if he didn’t love you back

And maybe beg him to wait two years for you. Actually, take out that maybe part.

You were going to beg him to wait for you.

You read the lit-up sign “love 24hrs” they got that right, only for you, it wasn’t just 24hrs. It would be the rest of your life. It’s funny how life works. Just a few months ago, you were stressed about a career, and now that you were finally working towards one, there was something else to worry about. You realized it would always be one thing after the other. But you never imagined him to come along and swoop you right off your feet in a matter of minutes,

it was like magic.

He had you changing directions for him.

What do they call it? Oh! Right.

You were head over heels for him. That’s what it was.

You made your way to the building opening the door, you obviously were a regular, so you went straight to his room.

Hopefully, he’s not busy.

Within minutes he was standing before you, looking as uninterested as ever. His expression is the exact opposite of what it used to be upon seeing you.

But He had a really good poker face. He was dying on the inside, He was so happy to see you, but he still wanted to play hard.

So he wasn’t busy.

You just looked at your feet. The love you were going to profess and the words you had planned to tell him were stuck in your throat. You just couldn’t say them. and his heavy gaze on you was not helping your situation.

“what are you doing here? you have no right to be here.”

ouch.

“i-i know that. but I just needed to see you one last time.”

“for what? You mean you just need to use me one last time, is that it?” he folded his arms.

He hated the fact that if you did indeed only come for sex, he’d give it to you in a heartbeat. Just to get that feeling, only you could give him.

“that’s not what I came here for, and we both know it.”

“What more do you want from me? I gave you my love, but apparently, that wasn’t enough for you.”

You figured it would be easier to just show him.

So you did.

You showed him.

Words seemed to be meaningless in this situation anyway.

Plus, you really just wanted to kiss him.

You kissed his lips one time, as soft as you possibly could, while wrapping your arms around him, holding him just how you knew he liked. If this didn’t convey what you came to do, then you didn’t know what would.

He so badly wanted to act like he wasn’t affected by your touch. He wanted to pretend like he knew you didn’t love him, just so it could hurt a little less. But he couldn’t. And he could never stay mad at you. he never wanted to harm you in any way, especially if that meant putting your dreams at risk. He’d never come in the way of that. Even if he so selfishly wanted to, he knew how much it meant to you. If it meant a lot to you, then it meant a lot to him.

He thought he’d be happy if you were happy, but that was untrue. Little did he know you weren’t happy, not one bit.

now it was your turn to say

“I missed you” it hadn’t even been one full day yet.

You pulled back, only to have him lean further into you, chasing your lips for another kiss.

“not more than I missed you” he pulled away from you, looking into your eyes. the ones that held his whole entire universe in them.

He hugged you tighter than he ever had before, hoping it would somehow make you stay.

He cried into your shoulder.

“don’t go,” and just like he knew he would if he looked at your face any longer the night prior, he would have begged you to stay, and here he is begging you to stay.

“Just stay here. I have enough money for us to live comfortably. You don’t need a career. I’ll work for you. Just I’ll do anything. please don’t go, please don’t leave me.”

“I have to,” you hugged him back.

“But why?” he sniffles.

“because I’ve worked my entire life for this moment. I can’t pass it up.”

“not even for me?” Although that was extremely tempting, you couldn’t.

“Please wait for me, hee. I'm literally begging you. wait just two years, and then I’m all yours.”

“How can I live a whole two years without you? I could barely go a week without you.”

“don’t worry. I’ll call you every single day. I'll face time you too. Just promise you won’t ever forget my existence.”

“I swear you’re literally the only reason that I exist” he rested his forehead on yours, trying to enjoy the last moments he’d get to spend with you.

Minutes had passed before You pulled away from the hug, bittersweet smiles playing on both of your faces and wiping each other's tears.

“Is there anything I can do to make you stay?” he held your tiny hands in his. he was being selfish again. Something you both seemed to have mastered ever since the day you first met.

“there’s nothing,” you told him apologetically.

He didn’t want to accept it. But it was out of his control.

“well, since you’ll be gone for a whole two years, let me give you a little parting gift” he took your hand and placed it near his crotch. “what do you say we put this couch to good use, one last time?” he raised a brow waiting for your approval.

How could you ever deny him?

It was more of a gift for him than you, but his mind was too foggy to deduce what he was feeling.

“one last time,” you say to him, pushing him back on the couch.

“I want to take care of you this time.”

“but y/n, you’re the one who’s leaving” having you do all the work just didn’t feel right to him.

“no buts,” you shushed him. “first, this has to go” you pulled his shirt off, admiring the way his muscles would appear whenever he took in a breath.

You let your soft hands roam all over his chest. He started tensing up whenever you added more pressure.

“I'm sorry about last night. I was upset. I just wanted you to know before you leave.” he lowered his head apologetically,

“don’t be. You had every right to be upset. If anything, I'm sorry for not telling you sooner.” his eyes met yours again,

“I forgive you,” he whispers, bringing your face closer so he can get a taste of your perfect lips.

You tangled your hands in his now blonde hair. The pink had faded a while ago. You missed it. But something about the blonde made him look even more beautiful than he already was.

It would never be him to pull away from you first. But you needed to breathe, so you put your hand on his shoulders to push yourself away.

But he had different intentions. He always did.

“no,” and if anything, he pulled you even closer to him.

It was the best make-out session you ever had with him by far. Your most favorite thing about kissing him was when he’d swipe his tongue over your lips just to stick it right back inside your mouth, swirling it around, tasting every last inch of you.

He didn’t even realize when he started getting hard, only thinking about the way your lips felt on his.

On the other hand, you could definitely feel it, and it wasn’t doing much for the growing ache between your legs. You would never get used to this feeling with him.

You needed some type of friction. So you began moving back and forth on him slowly, allowing him to feel your warm core rutting against him.

He could definitely feel it now. He’s never felt so sensitive before. Every touch was bringing him closer to the edge, and he made no moves to back away.

He let you push him to the point of no return.

Your noses brushed against each other’s, exchanges of heavy breaths in between kisses. He wasn’t just giving you a gift. He was giving you a whole reward.

It wasn’t long before his angelic moans filled your ears, your favorite sound. And you loved the fact that it was all for you. You loved that you were the only one that could make him fall apart.

You finally broke away from him, earning an annoyed groan.

“calm down baby, How else am I gonna be able to ride your cock if you can’t keep your lips off of mine?”

“you do have a point” he still wanted to kiss you, though.

You got off of him to remove his pants along with his boxers. His cock laid out on his abdomen, with precum seeping out of his pink tip.

His lip caught between his teeth, watching you getting naked in front of him.

You didn’t miss the way he twitched in excitement of finally being inside of you again.

“eager?” you teased him a little.

“for you, I always am” you had total control over him.

You sat back on his lap, letting his cock meet with your wet cunt.

You had barely even come in contact with him before he was groaning from the slightest touch. Chills ran up his spine.

You dragged your pussy up and down his length, giving him a preview before the real thing. You kissed him again. His lips were like silk against yours.

“This feels too good,” he praised you. he felt so easy. he wasn’t even inside yet, and he was already losing all self-control. You were the only one to make him like that.

“you like that? You like it when I rub myself all over your long, hard cock?” he didn’t miss the emphasis you put on the last three words. It made his head spin.

He almost choked from your words. he was letting out strangled moans while you continued to grind on him.

“I love it so much,” needless to say. He was in his own little world.

Wrapping your arms around him, you bend down a little, attaching your mouth to his neck, sucking on it harshly. You wanted to mark him up so he could remember this night for a long time. Even if you didn’t leave marks, there’s no way he’d ever forget the day you left him.

“more” you sucked every spot on his neck that you could reach, giving him what he wanted.

You licked a stripe up his neck, flicking your tongue at his adam’s apple. He was like putty under you.

“Please, Just fuck me already,” he complained. You rode him a bit faster. The friction was making his temperature increase greatly as sweat beads started forming on his pretty forehead.

You were both so wet that you were sliding on his dick with ease. You repositioned your body, so you could slip his dick inside of you.

And god, was the stretch absolutely amazing. That slight pain mixed with the heat from his dick had your world completely upside down.

“fuck, fuck, fuck” seemed to be the only word he knew at the moment. He focused on the way he felt inside of you with his eyes meeting yours.

You sunk down on him all the way, letting his tip hit your sweet spot.

He was lost in your eyes. he didn’t know where else to focus other than the beauty that sat before him, making him feel absolutely wonderful.

“Your cock is so perfect. Everything about you is perfect” he let out tiny whimpers at your praise. You bounced on him a little faster. He couldn’t help but grab both your breast in his hands, kneading them from time to time and rolling your hard perky nipples between his fingers.

You continue to bounce up and down on his shaft. The sound of your ass slapping Against his thighs brought him a little too much joy while he watched his cock slide in and out of your tight grip. He loved the way your pussy lips stretched so far to accommodate his girth.

He was already getting close. But he felt like he needed just a little bit more before he could release.

“choke me,” he blurted out without thinking about anything other than his orgasm and just how good you looked while riding him.

“what?” it’s not that you wouldn’t. You just didn’t think he would be into that.

“Please, I need you to” he’d do anything just to have your hand wrapped around his throat as he climaxes.

You all too eagerly obliged his request. His eyes nearly rolled in the back of his head. The sight only made you fuck his cock harder and faster. Each time you came down on him, his tip met your cervix. You weren’t gonna last much longer, especially from his fucked out expressions and the lewd noises he was letting out.

“you’re so beautiful,” he really was. You could tell he liked it when you called him that from the twitch you felt and the sweet little cry that followed after.

“ah… ah ahh!” his moans started increasing in volume each time you sucked him in fully. It’s a good thing no one else could hear because his sounds were nothing but sinful.

“gonna come for me, baby?”

“I…fuck, o.. oh fuck yes, yes, yes” he looked at you with soft shining eyes, chanting over and over again. Though it was a bit difficult to speak when your hand was wrapped around his neck securely.

“come then” you squeezed his neck tighter, sinking down on him even further than before you felt his familiar liquid fill your insides.

He used what energy he had left to rub circles on your clit. He felt your walls clench down, draining him of all his release.

“come all over my cock like the good little girl that you are,” the sound of his deep, hoarse voice commanding you to come. Had you creaming on him instantly, walls quivering on his dick. The over-sensitivity made you cry out in pleasure.

“there you go, let it all out. such a dirty little thing, all for my cock”

“all for you,” you moaned. You fell on his chest, moving slowly to ride out your high. While he hugged you to feel you even closer.

When those words left your lips, he knew he couldn’t be without you.

You both calmed down, catching your breaths. he helped you get from on top of him, pulling you to lay on his sweaty chest. He didn’t know what he liked more, the sex or the cuddles and kisses that always came afterward. He just couldn’t choose. He loved everything about you.

“don’t say things like that anymore” he felt pain in his chest.

“like what hee?”

“that you’re all for me, don’t say that.”

“it’s true. I don’t want anyone else but you” he knew it was true, but for how long.

“did you forget that you’re leaving? There’s gonna be other guys there, and you’ll probably move on and forget me. What’s so special about me that you can’t find it somewhere else?” he felt insecure. He knew he wasn’t good enough for you. But that didn’t stop him from wanting you all for himself. He knew you could do so much better than him.

Was he being fucking serious right now?

“what are you talking about? there’s plenty of girls hanging off of you every night, but I never question your love for me.”

“that’s easy for you to say. Only a fool would cheat on you.”

“so, what are you saying? Do you think you’re not good enough for me?

“maybe”

“that’s a yes or no question, baby.”

“no. I’m not,” he told you honestly.

“you mean so much to me, hee, more than you know.”

“do you know what it would do to me if you found someone new?” he asks you.

“tell me,” you said while you played with his hair.

“It would kill me” he felt the lump forming in his throat. He hated it. He felt it too often. He couldn’t help but wonder if it would ever go away.

“It would kill me too,” you whisper to him. he closed his eyes, wishing this moment could just last forever.

“and for the record, you’re more than special to me.”

you wiped the stray tear from his temple.

“you’re my everything.”

“Then don’t go, just stay with me,” he did and didn’t understand all at the same time.

“I leave in a few hours. will you be there to see me off?”

he really wanted to, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to bear it.

Selfish.

“I just can’t.”

“do you love me?”

he didn’t know how to answer. A month ago, he wouldn’t have wasted a second to give you a response, but right now, his mind was hazy. Not knowing if the emotions he was feeling were clouding his next words.

He was considering the fact that maybe he didn’t, maybe he was in love with the way you made him feel or the way you were so easy to connect with, maybe he was taking you for granted.

“of course, I do, baby,” for the first time. He didn’t know if he was telling you the truth or not.

“then come, just see me one last time.”

“okay. I’ll be there for you. one last time” he laced your fingers with his, feeling relaxed just from your touch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You said all your goodbyes, well, except for one.

Everything was packed, all your belongings were tucked away neatly, you were patiently waiting for him to arrive, you had 1 hour before departure, the minutes were counting down, and he was still nowhere to be found. You tried calling him only to get no answer. He had given you his number the night you told him you’d be leaving, so you could call him just like you promised.

With a half-hour left, you started feeling anxious, and there was still no answer from him.

What if he decided not to show? No, he wouldn’t do that. He never lied to me before.

You convinced yourself he’d be there.

Five minutes until boarding, You heard the announcement.

You stood up, searching for him, looking all around to see if he was there.

He wasn’t.

Even when you were finally on the plane, you looked out the window, hoping you would see a faint glimpse of him somewhere.

You didn’t know what you felt. Hurt? Anger? Sadness? But ultimately, it was heartbreak and disappointment.

You didn’t know why he lied or why he didn’t show up, and it was killing you inside. This was going to be the worst two years of your life.

And your heart was to blame for that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

heeseung felt terrible for what he did to you. But what else could he do? he couldn’t give you false hope. But lying didn’t make that any better.

He looked at the clock 8 pm on the dot. Just like you said, he imagined you waiting there for him, thinking he’d show up and say goodbye one last time.

He prayed you didn’t cry.

He prayed you weren’t hurting,

and he prayed you would forgive him.

No matter how much he prayed and cried, he couldn’t justify what he’d done.

He figured it out. Sometime down the road.

He wasn’t in love with you.

He was in love with the way you were able to make him feel like he was special.

The night you left, the sex wasn’t just sex to him. he wanted to feel that love that only you could give to him, just one more time.

No one had ever made him feel like he was more than just his looks. Not until you came along, the confidence you gave him was astronomical. he felt pride when he made you come, he felt pride when you spent every last dollar you had on him, he knew you needed him, he knew you loved him.

And that was all he searched for his whole life. But when he got It, He abused it. He wanted to feel what it was like to be loved and not always love someone back.

He wanted someone to feel the same way he was made to feel his whole life.

He was toxic.

And he knew it. Although he wasn't all to blame, part of it was from an environment that was hard to break away from.

He took you for granted unwantedly.

time skip

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every day that passed felt like years without him. Well, actually, it had already been a year and a few months.

Every day you called him, knowing he wouldn’t answer, but you just needed to hear his voice again.

You listened to his voicemail every single day without fail.

You felt guilty. You felt like everything was all your fault.

In all actuality, you had done nothing wrong. But you didn’t know that, so for every day that passed, you beat yourself up for it.

You always wondered if you went back in time and did things differently. Maybe you’d Hear his morning voice greeting you and telling you to have an amazing day.

Instead, it was those same words on repeat.

“hi, this is heeseung. If I’m not answering your call, it’s not cause I’m ignoring you. I’m just busy. I’ll call you as soon as possible” I guess you would count that as his second lie. He was, in fact, ignoring you, and there was nothing you could do about it.

You just curled up in a ball at night, crying yourself to sleep. It was near impossible, but after you worked yourself to the point of complete exhaustion and cried for so long, you slept like a newborn baby.

And that’s how every day went for months.

It never hurt less. You thought it would, but if anything, it only hurt more cause it’s been so long without him.

It wasn’t worth it.

You were wrong when you said you had to follow your dreams. He was your dream. And you left him behind.

You could never move on from him. You could never love someone else again.

What’s the point of having all these great achievements if your life has already ended?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He wasn’t okay by any means. The guilt was eating him alive, bit by bit, piece by piece.

The images of you playing in his mind so vividly. from the face you made when you were coming only for him and your bright smile whenever he’d compliment you. And he swore he could still hear your laugh resonating in his ears.

He wondered why he even still thought about you. not a minute passed without you flooding his mind.

He wondered if you found someone new.

He wondered why the thought of you saying the things you said only to him to another guy was making his blood boil.

After all that, Wondering, he finally gave himself a headache.

He knew why. It’s because he was nothing but a selfish piece of shit. He wanted you to himself, but not for the same reason that you wanted him.

He just wanted validation from you, and now that he didn’t have it, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

He even tried to do the same things he did with you with other girls, but that never worked. Even the thought made him feel sad.

He’d wake up in the middle of the night calling your name. Even when he slept, he still thought of you.

No one could ever replace you. not even the six-pack he’d drown himself in every night before bed.

He was back to his old ways, but somehow he felt even more useless than before.

He needed you now more than ever, and you were nowhere to be found.

So he decided to try and feed his hunger. And just like he knew you would, even after months of him ignoring you, you picked up his call on the first ring.

“hee?” this definitely wasn’t his best idea cause the way his heart sank from you still calling him the nickname you gave him after so long made him melt.

He ended the call immediately.

It took him nearly two years to realize through the pain and hurt everyone put him through. You came along and made it all go away. It was like he was left all alone wounded on the side of the street, then you came along and made him your responsibility. you took him in, and you bandaged all his cuts, sealing them with a gentle kiss making everything all better.

He knew when he would touch himself and still only thought of you.

He knew when he didn’t feel a thing when he looked at other girls.

He knew when he heard your voice call out so sweetly to him over the phone.

He knew he loved you.

He finally had clarity. He was free.

And since you gave him your number and the apartment name that you stayed at, he didn’t think twice before booking a flight as soon as possible to tell you just how much you really meant to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was more nervous than he was the first time he made love to you, even though he hid it quite well.

He had to make sure he looked presentable when he went to see the love of his life. It wasn’t every day he had to get ready to meet an actual goddess.

Spraying on your favorite cologne of his, which just so happened to be his favorite as well. he may or may not have decided that based on your decision. It seemed like you had a lot to do with the things he did lately.

His outfit?

The same one he wore the first time he laid his eyes on you.

“you couldn’t go wrong with black, right?” he smiles to himself, remembering that night like it was just yesterday.

He just had to get one more thing before he was off to see you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After he called you a while ago, you decided to spare yourself any more hurt. Sure, you’d always be hurt, but you didn’t need a constant reminder.

He probably just called by accident anyways.

You figured if he was willing to lie, what was off-limits, and now there were doubt’s in your mind about him, there was no need in waiting any longer. He probably found someone new and moved on from you a long time ago. You felt pathetic for waiting on him this long.

With the help of your cousin jake, you were finally starting to slowly recover and move on from him. It was hard. but you had to.

Maybe you would even try and find someone new. You still deserved to be happy.

You had invited Jake over to stay at your place and just hang out. He was the only person there that you knew. So it was nice being able to see him again.

You helped him when he was down, and he helped you when you were having a hard time. Your bond grew even stronger than before.

You really cherished him.

You two sat on the carpet sharing Snacks and watching a show. You were happy to finally relax somewhat after months of crying and feeling that aching pain in your chest and those nasty migraines you got from how many tears you shed.

Just then, the doorbell suddenly rang and knocked you from your thoughts.

“did you order food?” you ask jake.

He looked at you and shook his head as a no.

“so who is that?

“I don’t know, but I’ll get it just in case” he walked towards the door. Looking through the peephole, he saw a boy with his head lowered, holding some flowers in his hand, tapping his foot impatiently.

He looked harmless. So he opened the door.

To be met with no other than heeseung.

heeseung’s smile dropped as soon as he saw you hadn’t answered the door.

“do I have the wrong address?” he wondered, scratching his head.

“are you looking for someone in particular?” jake asked the other male.

“yeah, i-i thought y/n would be here. I guess she’s not?” he sighed disappointedly. He thought you might have gone somewhere else. His mind was racing, thinking of places you might have gone until he heard that voice he missed so much after all this time.

“jake, who is it?” his heart had stopped beating for a second.

So you did replace him already. he couldn’t blame you, though. But it still hurt like hell either way.

“some guy is looking for you. He’s pretty hot too,” he whispered, the last part causing you to roll your eyes. You got up and walked to the door, and you almost had a heart attack the moment you laid your eyes on him.

“heeseung?” he didn’t answer you, only staring at the two of you being so close to each other.

“o-oh,” his voice cracked. “I didn’t realize I was interrupting something” he hid the flowers behind his back.

“so it’s you and him now, huh?” he said, pointing between the two of you. Now that jake knew who he was, he took that as his cue to leave you two alone.

“y/n, I think I should get going. See you tomorrow” jake quickly snatched up all his things, leaving the two of you in the doorway before you could even say goodbye.

“mind telling me what the fuck is going on?” he barged past you forcing himself in. slamming the door behind him.

“what are you doing here?”

“don’t try and change the fucking subject now. Who is he? and what the hell is he doing over here with you alone?” he knew he didn’t have a right to act like this. But what could he do? He thought someone had taken his girl.

“tell me who he is,” he demanded.

“it’s not like you even care” he looked into your eyes. That same guilt he felt a year ago was even stronger now that he stood right in front of you. “you don’t answer my calls. you weren’t there to say goodbye, so why even show up here after all this time?”

“look, y/n, I made a mistake, okay?”

you just laughed at him bitterly.

“a mistake? Is that what you call it? You had me waiting for you, making a complete fool out of myself. You know I called you every day for months, knowing you wouldn’t answer. But I just wanted to be with you so bad that I let your voicemail play over and over cause I just needed to hear your voice. I needed something to hold onto. I beat myself up every day, thinking I did something wrong, but ultimately it was you who lied to me. I held out so much hope, but when you called me that night, that’s when I knew I couldn’t keep waiting for you any longer.”

“y/n,” he spoke to you softly.

“I’m not fucking finished yet. I cried myself to sleep every night. I even worked myself to the point of exhaustion just to try and keep my mind off you, but every time I thought of something, it only reminded me of you. you want to know who that was that just left?”

He looked at you expectingly.

“he’s the only reason why I'm still sane. He helped me get over you. he helped me realize that you’re not worth it, and he was right.”

He seemed to only focus on the part you said about getting over him.

“what do you mean by getting over me? y/n?… tell me I'm still the only one you’ll ever love” his hands were trembling while his grip on the flowers became impossibly tight.

“what does it sound like to you?”

he tried to speak, but no words would come out.

When he came here, he only thought of the two of you living happily ever after. This wasn’t how he imagined it would go. But because of him, your relationship fell completely apart. he wanted to go back in time. Just to hear you say I love you. he needed to hear it just one more time.

“tell me you love me” he was desperate.

You didn’t answer.

“then tell me you don’t love me” he felt tingles all over his body.

Still nothing

“Can you at least tell me who that was?” he needed to know if you moved on even if it was none of his business. Your silence was slowly getting on his last nerve. Without thinking, he walked closer to you, closing any distance that was left. His lips were already glued to yours before you could protest, not to say you wanted to. You felt pathetic for letting him back in so easily, but you loved him to death.

He was a drug.

And you were the addict. You couldn’t resist.

His touch was everything you needed. It felt even better after all this time.

He was shocked when you kissed him back. But he kept his composure, well, as much as he could anyway.

“can he make love to you the way I can? Does he know where to touch you to have you coming in seconds? Does he?…. would he fly across the world, beg for your forgiveness, and tell you just how sorry he is for ignoring you? Would he beg for your love?” he didn’t want to be a homewrecker. But you were his and nobody else’s.

“he wouldn’t,” you finally replied against his lips.

“exactly”

“because he’s my cousin.”

“What!?” he squeaks out.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his expression. Even after what he did, it still felt so good to finally see him again.

He stepped away from you, feeling the embarrassment flooding his system.

“I'm sorry. I thought you and him were, you know? and then when he answered the door, I saw you, and” he was moving his hands frantically while trying to explain himself until he finally just gave up. “I’m sorry.”

“we’re not together. But there’s still so much you need to tell me. Why do you think you can just show up here after all this time?

You just wanted to know why.

“Can we not do this now? I only just got here” he wasn’t ready to explain what he had done. Even though he was standing right in front of you, he still couldn’t bring himself to tell you the truth.

“I think it’s best to tell me now. I've waited long enough.” you were going to force it out of him if you had to.

He wasn’t ready, but you had every right to know.

“I didn’t come cause I wasn’t sure if I loved you” he avoided all eye contact. He felt so disgusted with himself.

There was no way he could be telling the truth, right?

“in the beginning, and even up till a while ago, I only realized that I was absolutely in love with you. The day I called you and I heard your voice, that’s when I knew that I couldn’t go without seeing you any longer. But I just had to make sure, and I didn’t want to hurt you more than I already have. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“so all the times you said you did, you were lying to me?” you ask, slowly backing away from him.

He wanted to pull you in his arms so badly.

“it’s not like that. I was confused. I didn’t know how to feel. I’ve never been in love before. In the beginning, I was in love with the way you gave me validation and made me feel like I was cared for, but when I thought of you doing what you do with me with another guy, it made me sick to my stomach. The idea of you forgetting about me made me miserable. I literally drank myself to sleep every night to try and forget, only to wake up with you still on my mind” he probably should have stopped talking right then and there.

“I tried being with other girls, but I just couldn’t. Whenever it even crossed my mind, I felt disgusted. it always felt like I was cheating on you, even though I never even laid a finger on them.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. This was too much to digest all at once.

“you haven’t even made me your girlfriend. It wouldn’t have been cheating. You can do whatever you want. we’re not even together.”

“for what it’s worth, in my mind, you were always mine. Even if I never said it out loud,” even if what he was saying was the truth, you didn’t know what to believe.

Once he lied, it was hard to trust him again. But to put it simply, you were really stupid.

And luckily for you, he wasn’t lying.

“you lied to me” it’s amazing how his past always came back around to stab him in the back. If he could erase what he did to you, he would, no matter the cost. But he couldn’t. Now he was going to do everything in his power to gain back your love and trust.

“and I'm so sorry for that. but I’m asking you to please believe me when I say that you’re the only one I’ll ever love”

“I need time” you had to keep your ground.

“how much time?”

“I'm here for another month. I'll let you know when I go back home.”

“what? y/n, it’s already been a year. I need you now, more than ever.”

“if you need me now, you’ll still need me when I get back.”

he wanted to protest so bad, but he took what he could get. He was lucky you were even still giving him a chance.

“okay. Oh, and I bought these for you. I hope you like roses” he extended his hand to give them to you. not overstepping his boundaries.

“they’re my favorite,” and after a year of not seeing your smile, it felt like he was in heaven when he finally saw it again.

You would always be beautiful in his eyes, no matter what.

He was happy that even after everything, he could still make you smile. That’s all he ever wanted.

He stood awkwardly scratching his neck, such a simple act of giving you flowers made him so nervous.

“that’s good,” he said quietly. He looked at his wrist only to remember that he didn’t wear a watch, he facepalmed. he was feeling shy knowing that you were looking at him, you made him forget how to function.

He’s so cute.

See? stupid. You were letting him back in just like that.

“well, it’s late. I should probably get going now,” he said as he made no moves to walk out the door.

He didn’t want to leave.

“where are you gonna stay?” you asked, knowing he hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“umm… yeah, that, I really didn’t think about that,” he admitted. When he left, he only thought about seeing the love of his life.

At least you weren’t the only stupid one.

“you can always stay here for the night if you’d like?” he tried so hard to hide his smile, ultimately failing.

“I would love to!” he faked coughed. “i-i mean sure.” he cleared his throat, looking everywhere except at you.

Cute.

If jake were here, he’d surely be glaring at you right now. But how could you not drool over him, he looked so good. he had dyed his hair black, and it was definitely your favorite color on him so far.

“I have some of my cousin’s spare clothes you can get changed. And I'll make you something to eat. The bathroom is the door on the right.”

You were squealing on the inside. he looked even more handsome now. And his outfit did not go unnoticed by you.

He remembered.

“thank you for everything. I really mean it. Even if we don’t go back to the way we used to be, I’ll still be happy knowing that you know how much I care about you.

You flashed him your famous smile.

He went to get changed. His heart was beating so fast. You were making him incredibly nervous, so nervous that he went into your bedroom instead of the bathroom.

Oops.

“on the right.”

“right,” he quickly shut your door. His face was on fire from embarrassment.

When he entered the bathroom, it just got worse when he saw a pair of your underwear laying on the ground. His eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the sight.

“oh my god,” he covered his face with his hands, trying not to look. He felt his whole body begin to shake. It was the same pair you wore when you first met.

He quickly jumped into the shower, making sure to turn on the cold water. This was for sure going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After you had dinner, you both decided to get ready for bed. It wasn’t uncomfortable at all. It felt like a regular hangout with a friend, except he wasn’t. he was still basically a stranger, a stranger that you had sex with too many times to count on two hands and maybe your toes too.

He stretched out on the sofa, trying his best to get comfortable.

“what are you doing?” you looked at him weirdly.

“getting ready to sleep?” he said as if he was asking you for permission.

“on the couch?

“Yeah, where else?” he truly didn’t even think about your next proposal.

“my bed” the look on his face was absolutely priceless.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“hee, I don’t hate You.”

“so you still love me?”

“I never said that” he frowned. You did indeed still love him. You just wanted him to prove his loyalty to you. You couldn’t let your guard down so easily.

But time would prove otherwise.

“come on, sleepyhead,” you grabbed his hand, leading him to your bed.

He followed after you like a lost puppy.

You only realize that this was a complete mistake when you lay under the covers and he cuddles you out of habit.

You melted into his body.

Minutes had passed before it hit him.

He jerked his whole body away from you immediately.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. It’s just reflex” he wasn’t thinking. But you were Making no moves to stop him.

“Why did you stop? I was enjoying that,” and just like that, you were already letting your guard down.

You just couldn’t get enough of him.

“Really?” you didn’t answer. You only pulled his hand back around your waist, scooting your butt flush against his hips.

you started to shift to get more comfortable. *cough cough* more comfortable.

So many alarms were going off in his head. He tensed up completely when he felt you all but wiggle your ass on his crotch, and He knew he couldn’t hold himself back. The last time he did anything was the night you left. It had been many months since then. Plus, It was pointless if you weren’t the one bringing him to his orgasm. he moved back slightly, assuming you weren’t aware of what you were doing to him. But when he did, you moved back even further to chase his warmth. he didn’t even try to pull away anymore,

too weak to resist.

The urge was getting too strong to ignore. Now thoughts of your underwear from earlier came rushing to his mind. He tried to think of something else. But he just couldn’t.

you were literally pressed up on him, and there was no way he was thinking about anything other than you

And what made it even worse was the fact that he was starting to get hard, and there was no way you wouldn’t feel it. He just hoped for his sake that you wouldn’t mention it.

Well, you didn’t have to when you made him moan unintentionally with one particular back and forth motion.

“Are you okay? You played innocent.

“perfectly fine,” he gritted through his teeth.

He was the exact opposite of fine.

You looked over your shoulder at him, meeting his eyes with yours as you started moving again, letting him know exactly what you were up to.

He just stared into your eyes with his jaw clenched tightly.

Letting you do what you wanted.

His grip on your waist tightened as he moved his hips in sync with yours. He thought he was dreaming.

But when you felt his hard-on against your backside and let out the most beautiful moans he’d ever heard, he knew it was all too real.

“if we start, I'm not going to be able to stop.”

“I'm not asking you to.”

within seconds he was all over you.

His hands desperately touched every inch he could reach.

In the beginning, he wanted you, then you didn’t know if you wanted him and vice versa

this whole dynamic seemed like it would never end. The uncertainty between you two was something that felt like it would never disappear. It was like trying to connect two opposite sides of a magnet. No matter how hard you tried, they would never come together as one.

He was already painfully hard, rubbing himself on you. It had been far too long since he felt this good.

“everything off now,” he commanded you.

You were not one that needed to be told more than once. You laid completely naked only for him.

“your beauty will always amaze me” even in moments like this where all he wanted to do was ruin you, he never forgot to let you know what he thought about when he looked at you.

He rested his head in the crook of your neck, ghosting his lips across your skin, kissing you ever so gently. That would be the only thing that he did to you that was gentle tonight.

He lowered his sweats with his underwear, getting undressed.

In a flash, he had you bent over with your face buried in the pillows.

“Just tell me if it’s too much” he removed his shirt before inserting his dick inside you slowly. He didn’t even have to prep you. You were always soaking from a single touch from him. Plus, it had been almost two years since anyone had touched you, including yourself.

It was a feeling you’d never get tired of. Just him being this close to you was enough to have you going crazy.

“that’s it, baby, take all of it” he stayed still for one second too long. You were already trying to get him to fuck you by leaning back on his dick.

He bit his lip, watching how needy you were. that’s what he loved, seeing you get absolutely filthy just for him.

“Just look at you, bent over and stuffed completely full of my cock. I bet that feels so good doesn’t it?” he put his hand on your lower back, pulling you closer to him. “after all, it has been a year since we’ve fucked”

you could only moan in response, your sounds encouraging him to finish what you had started.

“I know you love it. You just can’t ever seem to get enough of me, needy little thing. I bet you’ve been dreaming about me fucking you” the confidence you instilled in him was something he’d never get tired of. It was one of the many things he was obsessed with when it came to you.

You had built him up from nothing.

“I love it when you squeeze yourself on me like that” if he kept talking to you like this, you were bound to clench even tighter around him.

Only proving he was doing an amazing job like he always had.

“you’re so filthy. You always let me fuck you completely raw. do you get off on the idea of me getting you pregnant? Want me to fill you up with my kids?” he smacked your ass harshly. The sound echoed in your small apartment.

“Answer me, baby” he lifted you up off the bed so you could answer.

“yes! Pump me full of all your come. I wanna have all your babies. I w-wanna make you a daddy” you felt so dirty but so good.

His hips faltered at your words. he pushed your face back down into the pillows, hoping you wouldn’t notice the effect your words had on him.

But the twitching of his cock gave it all away.

“yeah? Don’t worry, love. I'll give you all my babies.”

he used his other hand to caress your clit. Rubbing quick circles wanting you to come faster.

He knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold it for that long.

Something he didn’t like was not seeing your face. Every time the two of you did it, he always loved watching your expressions of pleasure.

But tonight, He was going to fuck you rough. The way he always wanted.

Luckily for everyone else in the building, your moans were muffled into the mattress.

The way he manhandled you had you dripping. You loved when he was gentle. But the way he just took charge made you even wetter.

You had never been so loud before. And the pride he felt was indescribable.

Your back arched even further, allowing him to hit a little deeper. He yanked you up by your hair, pulling you against his hard chest.

“so good for me,” he spoke right into your ear. His pace was fast and brutal. You were both so sensitive you weren’t going to last much longer.

It was just too good for him not to come.

He let go of your hair, letting you fall back on the mattress. He gave your ass a few more smacks loving your muffled cries. He leaned down and started fucking into you harder while he cupped your mouth to keep you quiet.

“I love you so fucking much,” you shook violently. Your body just went completely limp, getting lost in the pleasure from his cock. Only he could make you feel like this.

“you’re so dirty, you know that?” he fucked you faster. Every word he spoke went straight in your ear and travailed down to your core. “I just got here, and you couldn’t even wait a day to have my cock buried deep inside your tight little cunt” you couldn’t even care at this point. You were dripping shamelessly around his dick.

“I’m sure you imagined me being here in this very bed with you, touching you, tasting you, fucking you,” he whispered the last part. You made incoherent sounds, but he got the message of you agreeing to his statement.

Okay, when the hell did he become a mind reader?

He stroked every single inch of your pussy. You were so full you could feel the veins of his cock caressing your walls and his tip flicking at your sweet spot each time he pumped himself into you.

"so wet" the sounds of your wetness were so loud it was almost shameful.

It wasn’t much longer till he was twitching. The volume of your moans increased. His hand was barely enough to muffle your sounds.

He kissed your back, nipping at the skin, feeling you pulsing on him. You were just as close as he was.

He used the hand that was on your waist to rub at your clit roughly, loving the way the soft skin felt on the pads of his fingers.

You tried to tell him you were coming, but that didn’t work when his hand was tightly cupping your mouth.

“I know, love, give it all to me,” his deep voice while he called you love was exactly what you needed. His words pushed you to your much-anticipated orgasm.

A few more thrusts, and you were coming around him uncontrollably. Your body was going weak while he continued using you like a rag doll.

“that’s a good girl” the way your walls held him in a vice grip had him reaching his release shortly after you.

“o-oh fuck y/n, I'm gonna c-come,” he moaned out. Wanting to give you his all.

He never held back when he came Filling you to the brim. Some of it even spilled out of you from being so full.

He really took what you said to heart about having his kids. he always came a lot, but this was twice as much, if not more.

He kissed all the way down your back, pulling out of you gently, watching his come leaking from your pulsating hole, every time you clenched, more of his release would come dripping out.

He had the right mind to fuck it all right back into you, but that was for another time.

He pulled his sweats back up while you rolled over on your back, covering yourself with the sheets.

He left for a few moments before he came back into sight with water and a wet cloth.

“here, drink this” he gave you the water pulling back the covers to clean you off.

Something he hadn’t done before, wiping your thighs gently, making sure you were all nice and clean.

“all done” he kissed your forehead. He got back in bed with you.

The words were on the tip of your tongue, but you just couldn’t say them. he had to know that there were repercussions for his actions.

So you opted for something that was more suiting for the situation.

“That was amazing,” you say now that you were able to breathe properly.

“you always are,” he nuzzled his face in your shoulder.

“hee, you’re more amazing” there was no way you were going to let him give you all the praise.

He needed to be loved just as much as you, if not more.

You could feel him smiling against your shoulder.

“can I stay?” he says as if implying you only wanted him for sex. He only thought like that cause he didn’t understand what you saw in him. he wanted to be perfect for you, and he just wasn’t.

You nodded, stroking his hair. You knew exactly how he felt when he made that statement. You could read his mind just as well as he could read yours.

“of course, you can stay, I know things are kind of a blur right now, but I want to assure you that you were always more to me than just a stripper or someone to have sex with, and you’ll always be special to me no matter how things turn out, and you being really good at sex is just a huge plus.”

He put his hand over his face. He didn’t want you to see that giddy smile of his or how red he got from your honesty.

“oh my god, y/n, you can’t say stuff like that anymore. It only makes me for in love with you even more” he made the mistake of looking at you, revealing the fading blush on his cheeks.

“you’re so cute.”

“Stop it,” he whined.

“pfft, I know you love it” he glared at you before he broke out into a smile.

“I do,” he started giggling while you tickled his sides. His laughter could heal just about anything.

You stared at each other for god only knows how long. until you broke the silence.

“When do you leave?”

“tomorrow morning”

“can’t you stay a little longer?” he wanted to. but he had a job to get to.

“I actually have work the same day I get back, so….”

“you really didn’t plan this out, did you?” you try to hide your laugh, but that didn’t go as planned.

“you should just be happy I came to see you,” he laughed with you.

“I am”

you’ve been wanting to ask him about maybe finding a different job, one where he didn’t have women hanging off of him every night.

“do you think you’ll be quitting anytime soon?” you didn’t know how to bring it up. Or even if you should, judging by the current status of your relationship with him.

“no, why?”

“well, I thought me and you were like exclusive” it would seem as if some of his bad traits were rubbing off on you. You couldn’t tell him you loved him, but you wanted to be exclusive.

The logic simply wasn’t there.

“We are. All those girls mean nothing to me. it’s just my job.”

“but,” you sighed, “never mind.”

you dropped it. Hopefully, he didn’t think much of it.

“y/n, I promise you’re the only one for me. And I’m gonna call and text you every single morning. I messed up really bad. but I won’t make the same mistake, and I'd be an absolute fool to let you go again.”

“pinky promise” he locked his pinky with yours placing a kiss on it.

“I promise. Now rest, I’m sure you need it” right after he said that you felt sleep overcoming you.

“same goes for you. You have a long flight tomorrow.”

“Okay, goodnight, my love.”

“goodnight, hee”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning you kissed him one last time before watching him walk out of your apartment.

He left with slumped shoulders and heavy steps. But at least he felt better after seeing you and apologizing. And the sex was a huge plus.

Just like he promised, he called you every morning, in the afternoon, and at night. He finally had something to look forward to. Hearing your voice made everything he did worth it.

He had saved money to buy a house that, hopefully, you’d be moving into with him. he wasn’t sure how you felt about him still after everything, but so far, so good.

He was making even more money now, and the tips he was getting were outrageous. With the money, he decided to buy a new car ditching his old one. When you came back, he wanted you to have a visual of just how much you’ve done for him.

Just like before, you changed him for the better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today he called you while he was at work, not having enough time to call you before. He was almost running late from talking to you all morning. But it was definitely worth it. If he could, he'd spend every second with you.

“hi, baby,” he waved to you over the video call.

“shh, I'm in class” you smiled at him. Hopefully, you wouldn’t get too distracted.

“oops,” he whispered while giggling.

You noticed something in the background just above his shoulder. It was a bra hanging off that same couch you had fucked each other so many times on.

Your heart dropped.

“hee, what’s that behind you,” he thought you were playing a prank on him.

“Nice try. I’m not looking behind me, y/n.”

“I'm for real. What are you doing with a bra?” you exited class before your emotions got the best of you.

He finally looked back. He was terrified. he thought he had taken care of that last night.

He wasn’t cheating. It was just some random customer who tried to come on to him that he immediately called security on.

“oh, that, someone tried to force themselves on me last night. and when I said no, they just continued anyway, and she just started taking off her clothes, but baby, I swear to you I didn’t look and had her kicked out right away.”

He really hoped you would believe him.

Before, there was no doubt. But after he lied, things were different.

“I gotta go. I'll call you later” you needed time to think.

He heard the line go silent.

“fuck!” he really thought he had cleared everything out.

Later came, and you never called him.

Days passed, and still no call. He’d given you enough time. So he took matters into his own hands.

He made an attempt to call you first.

“please answer” the phone rang three times before you picked it up.

And the attempt was a success.

“what do you want?” you didn’t mean for it to come out that harsh.

“I want to see my girl. I missed you these past few days” his eyes looked puffy, and his voice didn’t sound as enthusiastic as it always had when he called you.

You hated your dumb heart for beating so quick whenever he said you were his.

“am I really your girl? or is there someone else?”

“you know I would never do that to you” he needed to find a way to gain your trust again.

“I don’t hee, maybe this isn’t working out after all” trying to hold on to him only added a huge amount of weight on your shoulders, which at the moment you couldn’t quite carry.

“it’s working perfectly fine” he was quick to shut that down. And to him, it was working just fine.

“maybe we should take a break,” you chewed on your lip.

He was feeling that dreadful lump in his throat again.

“y-y/n, we don’t need a break. We’ve already been apart long enough” he swallowed the lump before speaking again. “let’s talk love, we just need to talk. you have to trust me on this. there’s nothing more I can tell you.”

“you broke my trust, so you’re asking me to do the impossible.”

“and I told you how sorry I am. I haven’t lied since then. Just trust me one last time, and if I fuck it up again, you can cut me off completely” that statement alone made you trust him again already. You knew deep down just how much he needed you.

Anybody could see that he was absolutely foolishly in love with you.

Even if he had done some stupid things in the past, he was willing to change for you.

“I really wish you were here,” you confessed.

“me too. I would hug you so tight and tell you just how much I love you” he was looking at you with heart eyes. All of a sudden, his voice sounded bright again.

“would you show me too?” you bit your lip.

“o-of course I would” recently, you were always making him nervous.

“Relax, I'm just teasing you.”

“o-oh, but I still would, though” you could see him blushing over the phone.

“I know”

“so, does this mean that you trust me again?” he was unknowingly picking at his thumb.

“I do” his face lit up instantly.

“thank you, thank you, thank you, okay” he took a deep breath. “I have something to tell you. I’ve been planning it for when you come home, so recently, I've been making a lot more money from work, so I figured I’d surprise you when you get back.”

“okay?” his excitement was making you smile.

“I bought a new car a-

“you what!?”

“calm down. That’s not even the exciting part. I'll save the best for last. so are you ready?”

“I think so?” you were getting nervous.

“I got us a house!” he was so excited. You were the first person he told. not to say anyone else cared, but he even put you before his family. You were his family now and his best friend, soon-to-be girlfriend, fingers crossed.

“heeseung”

“It has three bedrooms-

“heeseung,” you called out to him in between his little speech.

“one for us, one for your cousin or your friends if they ever want to visit, and the la-

“heeseung!” you were going to have a heart attack if you let him continue.

“what? y/n, I'm almost done. Just let me finish, please. this is the best part. And the last room is a nursery. I didn’t decorate it yet cause I wanted you and me to do it together” he pointed at you, then himself over the phone with the biggest smile you had ever seen on his face.

You had to hang up the phone before you fainted.

What the hell is his problem?

He called you back immediately. You didn’t even have time to recover.

“We must have got disconnected,” he pouted. “so yeah, that’s it. I'm so excited. I can’t wait till you come home.”

You didn’t want to cry. But he was making it hard not to.

“why would you do all that?” a tear fell from your eye.

“oh no, y/n, please don’t cry” he wasn’t expecting this type of reaction from you. he thought you would be excited.

“Are you insane?” he felt like what he did was wrong.

“well, I guess I could just resell the house if you don’t want to move in with me” he sounded so disappointed. he went from 100 to 0 all in a matter of seconds. That’s what type of power you had over him. But you would never abuse it.

“no. I want to move in with you. but you did all this without even knowing how I felt about you.”

He chuckled awkwardly.

“yeah, I was hoping for the best. I guess I was just so happy that I didn’t think about you possibly rejecting me. Even if you did reject me, I’d still find a way to get you. And this is just the start of everything. I want to do with you. I’ve been looking at places we can travel to, sights to see, and things to do together. I even know where I'm gonna ask you to be my girlfriend, too” he smiled matter of factly. He looked so proud.

Whoops.

He did have a habit of talking too much.

“you do?” you couldn’t hide your smile. He was just too adorable.

“Actually, forget about that last part” he couldn’t believe he blew it already.

Could he be any cuter?

“At least I don’t know the day,” you laughed with him.

“that’s true” the silence took over, the reality of what he had just told you finally set in. he basically said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, for real this time.

“hee,” he looked back at you through the phone.

“yes, my love?” he was so lost in your eyes.

“I love you” he was listening intently until those words left your lips.

He dropped his phone in pure happiness, and you just sat there confused, staring at a black screen while you heard him coughing hysterically in the background.

“hee? Baby? are you okay?” his face came back into view.

“umm… no. Maybe? yes!” he turned the phone away to wipe his eyes and regain his composure before coming back into the frame. “I love you more” he blew you a kiss over the phone.

Now he was making you blush. he never failed to make you feel butterflies.

“well, it’s getting late. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“sound’s good to me. goodnight y/n”

“goodnight, hee”

you went back and forth like this for at least 5 minutes. Neither of you wanted to hang up, so you didn’t.

You both laid down in bed, catching up on random things until you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore.

You fell asleep first, and he watched you for a little while, just admiring your features until your soft snores lulled him to sleep not long after. It was the best sleep either of you had in a long time.

You couldn’t wait to go home.

END

-

me after re-editing this for the 100th time

anyways this is part 2 of “angel” let me know your thoughts 💭 please leave feedback and reblog. It’s always appreciated💙 sorry for any typos or errors. I hope you enjoy it.☁️

(permanent taglist) @hee-in @scarlet127 @ashxsmoon

(taglist) @axartia @pjsflrts

also, I might be taking a small break cause I’m not happy with how this came out.

Two major problems for me are

the perspectives of the characters

the build-up and interaction between the two, I feel, could have been conveyed way better

I prefer part 1 way over this one. Tbh I feel like my writing goes downhill whenever I make more parts.😞

but yeah, I may take a teeny break to work on some things so I can write better stories for you all in the future. I’m still learning a lot of things

also en-noona if you’re seeing this, I just wanted to say hi👋🏽 💙

[noteguk]

Hey nala! I loved bad attitude, I can’t wait to see more of the oc teasing jk 😭

Thank you!! I really like exploring the dark side of the force that overtakes the oc every once in a blue moon. So I hope you guys like this one! (The timeline is after bad reputation, but before bad attitude) 

[ ! ] this is a drabble for bad influence. You can read it as a stand-alone. 

— contents and warnings; pwp, smut, sexting, badboy!Jungkook x goodgirl!reader, enemies with benefits/enemies to lovers, dirty talk, taking and sending pics (not nudes), jk’s skirt thirst, a glimpse into the chaos that lives inside the oc 

— words; 1,2k

~ 

Years of high school (and now college) excellence did wonders to disguise your impulsive side. It was a common misconception to believe that, just because you were disciplined enough to keep your grades high and your responsibilities in check, you didn’t act on dumb, random thoughts that popped up inside your head. You kind of wished it was true (it would’ve saved you a lot of drama in your personal life) but you also had to admit that you had your fun indulging in your more chaotic needs as well. 

Jungkook’s answer came quickly, but not as quickly as you had first expected. Which meant that he was either busy or distracted — past tense — and that it would be slightly more fun than you thought. 

With a smirk growing on your lips, you turned around on the bed, reaching for your phone. His answer was simple, only one word, but it was more than enough for you to realize that your machiavellian plan would be fruitful. 

jk tutoring 🚫: dont.

If years of perfecting self-restraint didn’t stop you, his half-assed warning wouldn’t. With your phone in hands, you propped yourself up on your elbows as you typed a response. 

You: Why not? 😔

As you nervously waited for his text, the picture you had previously sent him was staring you right in the face. It wasn’t anything outrageous, just a simple mirror selfie of you sitting on the edge of your bed, legs crossed and head slightly tilted to the side. It was something so innocent, so gentle and casual, that you could almost pretend that you didn’t know exactly what you were doing when you picked that skirt.

It wasn’t any revolutionary discovery to claim that Jungkook had a thing for your skirts — he had mentioned about a million times already and, even if he hadn’t, it was extremely obvious from the way he explored your body with a lot more eagerness when you wore one. What was a revolutionary discovery, however, was the piece of clothing you found hiding in the corner of your closet, something you had long discarded because Yongsun had managed to shrink it the first time she washed it. 

It was practically impossible to wear it outside, but, well, it was the perfect tool to provoke Jungkook with. Because if karma didn’t take care of him, you would. 

Finally, his messages popped up on your screen: 

jk tutoring 🚫: in a lab rn dont wanna get hard thx

jk tutoring 🚫: but it looks rlly fucjing hot 

jk tutoring 🚫: wanna see you riding me in it bby 

jk tutoring 🚫: in front of that mirror ;) 

You bit your lip, bubbles of expectation starting to pop in your stomach. Sexting Jungkook was the free trial of being a chess genius — you were always ten steps ahead, predicting his following words with almost perfect accuracy. Was it mean, perhaps a little twisted of you to be doing that while he was (miraculously) in class? Maybe. But you had a lot of things in your mind and mercy wasn’t one of them. Especially after the months of torture he had put you through. 

You: whatever you want 🥰 

You: I’m surprised you even go to class tho, that’s news 

jk tutoring 🚫: u took the day off to pester me? 

You: maybe I did

You: maybe I’m also home alone for the rest of it 

jk tutoring 🚫: dont fucking say that 

In true supervillain fashion, you had to laugh at his apparent desperation — a high-pitched, victorious laugh that seemed to come straight from your soul. Jungkook very rarely found himself in that position and you absolutely lived for it. It was one thing to provoke him in person, when he was much stronger than you and could shut you up in no time, but, through the screen, only equal rights. And equal methods of torture.

You: why? You don’t wanna come over? 

jk tutoring 🚫: u kno I do 

jk tutoring 🚫: ill ttyl

You: not later!! Now 🥺 

jk tutoring 🚫: baby this isn’t the best moment 

jk tutoring 🚫: Im already hard n im almost done here ok

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, giving the angel and the demon on your shoulders time to present their case. The collected, rational part of you told you to leave it at that: he would come over later, you had managed to provoke him enough to piss him off and get the reaction you wanted. You won. But the impulsive, evil side of you told you that you didn’t win hard enough. 

Before you could think too much about it, you took another picture, feeling blessed enough to get a good shot on your first try. Your thumbs flew over the keys, typing fast to get the message sent before Jungkook decided to put his phone away. 

You: but these are the panties that you like 😔 

Like clockwork, there was a long moment of tension between your message being viewed and those little dots appearing at the corner of your screen. Once again: you knew exactly what you were doing. And you knew that a picture taken underneath your skirt, presenting him with a full view of your red laced panties, would be the cherry on top. 

jk tutoring 🚫: I fucjing hate u

You: don’t think you do 

jk tutoring 🚫: im saving these 

jk tutoring 🚫: gonna fuck u so hard bby 

jk tutoring 🚫: not even gonna take those off 

jk tutoring 🚫: just gonna push them aside n see u coming all over my cock 

Playing like that with Jungkook was like russian roulette — only, it was only you, and all chambers were filled. You knew it would backfire, you knew that the second he walked in your room all your control would go flying out the window, and yet you pushed on. Impulsiveness was a drug for someone that rarely indulged in it, and you were too high to care about the consequences when they seemed so far away. Or, even worse, when you kind of liked them. 

That was what pushed you to write your following messages: 

You: come over now? Please? 

jk tutoring 🚫: wait like 10 min we’re wrapping up 

You: now 🥺 

You: I’m so wet kook 

You: my panties are soaked 

You: don’t you wanna come and take them off? 

You: Or maybe I can take care of myself today and I can see you another day 😔

jk tutoring 🚫: dont fucking dare

You: I bet I could come super quick too I’m so turned on 

You: I want to feel you inside me 

You: I’m so tight too I can barely put my fingers in

You: please? Come over? 

Checkmate. The forces of chaos inside you were rejoicing, every cell of your body anticipating the impact of your words. You, however, already knew you had won even before he answered you. 

jk tutoring 🚫: im coming over rn

~

check out the rest of the bad influence collection!

tag list >  @minyoongiboongi  @bvrrym0re @marcoazam2 @shojotae @youurkryptonite @fan-ati--c @btstrasht @crazy4myself @ft-multi @kooafraid @dianaaviny @ggukkieland @cryinginmypromdress @kissestothesky @imluckybitches @gyukult @jinsalpaca @we8joon @gamerkooks @study-clouds @myanswer-is-you @pb-n-juju @disaster-rose @spicybangtanwings @fairymagdalene @seagulljk @she-is-dreaming @jjktthpmj1 @pinkysunsett  @1aekooks @jkficsiliketoread @ellesalazar @wearenot7withu @codeinebelle @erraaxh @lovelyloverlia @dayjeons @illwritetomorrow @dreamsindreamss @limee7 @pixiejjk @dancing-queenf @storms-and-stars-blog @un-love @knjoobs @yopjm @pixiejjk 

[shesawriter39049]

|FEVER| M|

Pairing: Namjoon X Reader

About- Namjoon just has a kink for letting you do whatever the hell you want with him...Whether that be putting him in a hot pink suit shirtless! Or, telling him he’s a good boy as he fucks you into oblivion!

OR- Namjoon and yourself hooked up 5 months ago when the boys were in London on Tour, and you were the creative director for there British GQ & Harper’s Bazzar Cover! Now, months later he’s prepping to release his second mixtape “RM vs Rap Monster”. Opting to go a complete 360 from his first release Mono in all realms. So, with that being said BigHit thinks he needs someone with a little more... “umph” Take a wild guess as to who they call...

WC:1.2k (Sneak peek)

WARNINGS: Switch OC (Top & Bottom...but there's no real dom/sub tones here) Service top/power bottom Namjoon, praise kink, Fingering, Unprotected sex(Back shot), come play, dirty talk, light choking, light overstimulation, (This is lowkey a little softer than it sounds) The OC kinda leads this, but Joon isin’t the cliché “sub” he just likes letting her take control.

NOTE- Just my take on the OG cliché Artist X Stylist AU (Though she’s more of a full package, Art Director/Stylist/Photographer ETC) I have tried to add some minor elements to make it a little more realistic. I will say I typically stray from “Idol-verse” just because if we’re being real, the cultural difference alone sometimes stunts my creativity...BUT I just had a little fun with this one...so I hope you all enjoy it. Also, I don’t go into much physical details but in my mind regardless of race, aesthetic wise the OC is a huge contrast to what he’s use to which is part of her appeal. I picture a tatted Barbie of some sorts...

SIDE NOTE: No shade, but shade, I was lowkey inspired to write this bc I have very strong opinions about the creative team at BH....

*** Let me know if you guys want the full thing or not...I kidna flaked on posting because it is such a cliché lol

SONG- FEVER DUA LIPA  FT ANGELE

~~~~~~~

“Well, it’s a yes for me” Eyeing him in this Hot pink-fitted Burliti suit, which you paired with a very sheer black Arnar Mar turtle neck. The minute you saw the piece on the runway you’d been dying to get it on someone with melanated skin, and it just so happens, the boys are fresh off the US leg of their stadium tour! So, lucky for you, baby boy’s been in the sun a lot, and Namjoon’s currently a sinful shade of brown and you're totally here for it…

Then to top it off, the mesh material of the turtle neck creates the perfect silhouette around his offensively toned chest, outlining the muscles sinfully. Eternally snorting at the way the fans are gonna thank and curse you out all at the same damn time once they see the looks you’ve pulled for this man!

And yes, you had your crew bring extended shades of foundation and concealer, because his face and neck will match if your name is going to be attached to these damn photos! 

Head tilted to the side as you silently observe the way he rakes over his reflection in the mirror, it’s a sixth sense you’ve acquired as a stylist at this point. Half of your job is essentially being a hype man/self love coach, real shit, a lot of these artist aren't always as...confident as one may think!

And just like clockwork Namjoon runs his palm down his thighs, smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles on his pants for the umpteenth time in the span of oh I don’t know 30 seconds? Which in turn prompts you to say….

“You look good Joonie...” Musing over your second glass of Don, the compliment was genuine, tone warm, soothing even, not a hint flirtation insight because that wasn’t your motive. You weren’t trying to get him flustered you’re just trying to gas him up a little, you wanted to see Namjoon get alittle cocky and feel himself!

Ears perking up like an overgrown puppy, head whipping in your direction “Yeah?” The way this man’s eyes just lit up like the soul skyline. I just-goddamn, an almost bashful smile toys on those plush lips of his, and you can’t help the way your chest flutters with nothing but fondness.

“So fuckin cute” Flutters off your lips, as you hide a smile of your own behind a half empty whine glass. The delivery was so faint it almost go lost in the background music floating through the air. However the slight flush hitting his cheeks let you know Namjoon heard you whether he wanted to admit it or not!

”Mmmhmm, the color looks fuckin insane against your skin, not to mention, the way everything's going to pop once we tone your hair a little! “ Eyes drinking him in from head to toe, though there was nothing suggestive playing within your iris. Very much aware of time and place and right now your genuinely looking respectfully! Seeing if any alterations are needed, making sure you like where everything sits along his frame. Making notes in your phone of places you want to pin and adjust later...snapping a couple shots here and there. 

Licking his lips anxiously as he plays with the lapels on the blazer “But like-I mean-I- dont’-It doesn’t look like I’m... trying too hard or anything?” Brows furrowed in the center of his face, jaw tight, wincing slightly at his own words, almost as if he was afraid of your response. The vulnerability within his delivery was more than evident, and no matter how common this is with artist, it’s still just as devastating! Regardless of how much he tried to play it off as if he was just making casual conversation, you can see how blatantly uncomfortable he is . Gazing back at you wide eyed, and uncannily exposed, pointing at the outfit in question. Licking his lips anxiously as he plays with the the blazer, switching posses subtlety trying to get a better feel for the suit.  

You stayed silent for a minute, taking the time to actually process before speaking which is rare, not gonna lie. Gaze piercing as you hop off the bed, wine, and accessories in hand, swaying closer. “It’s fashion”. The baited pause almost implied that’s all you had to say, as if one-word was self-sufficient, and in your mind it was...but you knew better than to just leave it at that.

“Art at its finest Mr. Kim” You smile something a little devious, and he flushes even deeper as you slowly start to invade his space eyes locked with him meaningfully. You can physically see the shift, the closer you get, Namjoon starts fidgeting slightly under your gaze but he doesn't back down.

“It gives you room to play, create...it’s something that let’s us connect to people without saying a damn thing.” Suddenly the hand that wasn’t holding your alcohol has become a prop, flailing around haphazardly as you spoke, pointing at the various pieces hanging on clothes racks in your suite! The penthouse has essentially been transformed into your own personal walk in closet for the next 5 or so days! “It’s a statement. A opportunity to tap into a side of yourself that maybe you can’t always verbally articulate to the world around you! More importantly, it’s supposed to be fun, it’s literally something that can be removed within seconds! I mean we all have to wear clothes so why not just enjoy it?”  Head cocked to the side as you appraise him, brow quirked, eyes warm, yet there's a clear challenge playing within your gaze.

Namjoon’s watching you intently, almost as if he’s taking mental notes as you speak...the heaviness within those dangerously honed eyes of his could almost be unsettling to some, but you quite like it. Made you feel as though he actually gives a flying fuck about what you’re saying.

“In my opinion the only time it looks like someone’s “Trying too hard” Making little air bunnies with your spare hand “Is if they look uncomfortable in what they’re wearing, confidence is key, and I know you know that better than anyone RM!” You muse batting your lashes in Namjoon’s direction, and he dimples back at you, eyes sinking into tiny crescents, face rivaling the color of his suit, trying to hide said smile behind his own glass of champagne.  

“I could put you in a damn clown suit...” Words trailing off your tongue lackadaisically as you grow distracted searching the bar for a specific chain from John Hardy. “Which” Focus snapping back in his direction making the later splutter a little “Would be fire as fuck if I did by the way, but-”  Namjoon ended up cackling midsentence, almost choking on his drink in the process, fist pounding against his sternum.

Yeah..killing the leader of Bangtan wasn’t really high on your list tonight....

“Ayee, none of that shit...” Smacking him in the back a little more so just to be an ass because he wasn’t even choking anymore “Don’t die on me until we at least get this damn photoshoot done, I had to cancel my trip to Jamaica for this shit!”

Now he’s damn near choking and his laugh was contagious, it’s just.. loud, carefree so yes, your cackling, and there's nothing cute about it. But you honestly don’t care, you let yourself get lost in it! Finally able to feel the atmosphere in the room start to shift to something a little less scripted and a little more organic...

Throwing his hands in the air as If he’s waving a nonexistent white flag “I’m sorry, noona” There’s a pout playing in his lips, not exactly aegyo per say, but it’s fuckin adorable “Blame PD-nim, it’s his fault we had to do this so last minute” Wheezes from his throat, in the form of a slight whine, almost rivaling Jimin if I’m honest.

You already know he was laughing more so due to your delivery, specifically, your casual use of profanity over anything else. This is actually something you use to be self-conscious about, especially at your first shoot with the boys, at the shoot for GQ . Well aware it wasn’t as common in Asia for people especially women to use “fuck” like a comma. So you were hoping they wouldn’t be offended, or uncomfortable by your dialect, and, thankfully they didn’t seem to mind. Much like Joonie over here, they found it entertaining over anything.

“Yeah, a huh, sureee...” Eyes rolling to the back of your head playfully as you start lightly altering the suit in question with clips and pens. “Stay still babe” The pet name slipped off your tongue effortlessly, honestly, that's what you call most people in your life. However you were far too focused to notice how wide eyed and flustered the man before you became upon hearing it directed at him so casually.

A faint little “Sorry” muses off his lips as he gnaws on his inner cheek, trying to stay still as you ghetto-rig hems into place until you can get this under your sewing needle.

“ No, but real shit…” You sigh, taking on a slightly more serious tone “If you step in front of that camera like you own the bitch, regardless of what your wearing..., then they can’t tell you shit! If your comfortable there’s no such thing as trying too hard” You shrug nonchalantly like that was the simplest concept known to man, downing the rest of your drink “Alright, that’s all, thanks for coming to my Ted talk” Waving him off as if you’re about to leave the room and he pouted playfully, jokingly begging you not to leave him yet...it felt good to be able to banter like this. The shift continuous shift within the atmosphere was more than welcomed…

Hesitantly you watch his eyes find their way back to the full length mirror, which promptly smacks you back to reality!

Unfortunately you didn't fly all the way to Seoul just to drink,  and shoot shit with Namjoon for hours on end,  your actually here to work…

Sooo...

“Alright” Placing your arms on his shoulders, giving him a reassuring squeeze as you peer over his shoulder. Meeting his gaze through the glass, chin resting gently against the blade. “Back to the reason you came Mr. “I’m sooo anxiously” Shooting him a teasing little smirk in the process “The suit, yay or nay”

So, here’s the thing technically the official fitting is tomorrow, and as far as his team knows he’s in the studio with Yoongi and Hoseok finishing up a song!

Which of course raises the question as to why he’s here..alone..mind you..no staff or security in site.

Just Kim Namjoon and yourself.....

~~~~

Heyyyy, Lemme know if you guys want this or not, it will leave kinda open ended because it was supposed to kinda be a 3 part mini series initially. Part 1 ends the morning of the shoot, the full thing is set to be around 6/7k! Spoiler, the company is going to want to keep her around for more than just Namjoon’s solo project....

Also, YES...I did see that they actually put Tae in that Burliti suit (I wrote this long before that shoot was released)...I actually hated the way it was styled it though...I never thought I’d say this but MGK’s team did a better job than BH....

[murderousginger]

Temporary Bliss

John Shelby x reader x Finn Shelby

Word count: 4,330

Warnings: Angst. Yearning. Smutty things. They're criminals guys, they do bad things.

Note: So this took some time and might be a bit rough, but we all need a distraction right now. I hope you all enjoy!

(gif by @bonniebirddoesgifs​ )

Every day, John thought, Like fucking clockwork.

Finn was outside his office, like a lovestruck idiot, making moon eyes over his secretary. Five minutes before end of day. Every. Day.

It started cute enough. Finn ran past her one afternoon to give John a message from Tommy. He was so wrapped up in getting the message to John that he didn't even notice the girl that he pushed past in John's doorway. That was, until, Finn was knocked off balance from her hands on his collar as she dragged him out of the office. He was taller than she was, which only made it easier for her to move him.

"Excuse me," she had said, face red as she glared up at the youngest Shelby, "I don't believe you have an appointment and you are supposed to see me before you interrupt Mr. Shelby."

"(Y/N)," John said, hiding his smile with his hand before he pointed to the scoffing boy in her grip. "I see you haven't met Finn, my youngest brother."

She immediately loosened her grip on his shirt with a gasp, her eyes dropped to the floor as a waterfall of apologies left her lips like prayers.

"It's okay," John said laughing. "We don't think much of him, either. What do you want, Finn?"

Finn scoffed at his brother as he smoothed out his suit and walked back into the office, closing the door loudly behind him.

John watched through the frosted glass as (Y/N) settled back into her seat at the desk in front of his office before he stood up and met Finn's waiting eyes.

"Well," Finn said, "what's your response?"

John tilted his head.

"To what?"

"To what I just told you," Finn exhaled, hitting his thighs with his hands. "The message."

"The message," John said as he cleared his throat. "Right, well tell me again while I gather a good answer."

Finn groaned.

When Finn left, he had stopped by (Y/N)'s desk to tell her that it was okay, he wouldn't take it to heart, that it was a misunderstanding. But his breath caught as he looked down at her wide eyes looking up at him. He stammered his words as she gave him a smile, politely nodding to encourage him to finish his sentence.

It was all over at that moment, John thought, the idiot fell in puppy love.

Honestly, that was the day John looked at her differently, too. She had always been a good secretary, but her courage to pull a man out of his office made him want to know more about her. He started to notice more, pulling himself out of his head to acknowledge her. For a 20 year old, seven years his junior --far closer to Finn's tender age of 18 than his own-- she had a good head on her shoulders.

She was always nice to the other women, even the gossips and the complainers, and always encouraging on busy days. She did her work and went home. She was always respectful when someone stepped out of line but she had no hesitation in correcting what she thought was wrong. John started finding himself watching her from his office on slow afternoons.

I wonder what she's like when she finally relaxes, he thought. I'd like to be the one that knows. That gets to make her smile.

Finn must have had the same idea, because only a few weeks after their first encounter he started showing up at the office more. He would make small talk, leaning on her desk, bringing her little presents like wildflowers from the ditch or a treat from the bakery. Visit by visit she became friendlier, more animated, relaxed.

The first laugh was music to John's ears. It rang through the empty room after work only to be stifled by her hand. Finn was smiling, leaning over her as he sat on her desk, and something warm knawed at John's stomach. Finn tucked a stray hair behind her ears. He locked eyes with his brother as Finn sat back up and he sheepishly smiled as John's eyebrow quirked.

"I should probably be off," Finn shrugged, looking back at (Y/N). "Let you go home for the day."

"You could walk me, if you'd like," (Y/N)'s voice said softly and John's blood ran cold in the other room. "But only if you'd like."

"Y-yeah," Finn sputtered, standing from her desk. "I'd like that."

After that, Finn walked her home every day. John was always the last one out of the office.

Months went on. Finn continued visiting, bringing her trinkets, walking her home. (Y/N) got more and more comfortable with her position in the company and even began to relax around John. She often stayed late with John to finish counting the books or organize after a particularly busy day.

John found her presence comforting. He started to sit at the table near the safe with his paperwork after hours so that they could talk while the work was being done.

"Exciting plans this weekend, doll?" He asked one Thursday evening after a particularly busy day.

She smiled brightly as she counted a stack of money.

"Actually, yes," (Y/N) said as she scribbled into the book before picking up another stack. "Finn asked if I wanted to see the new Chaplin movie."

John's heart sank as his head shot up. He gave her a weak smile.

"You like Chaplin, eh?"

She nodded excitedly.

"I never really go to the pictures, so it's nice to be able to go."

"A girl like you should have suitors lining up to take you anywhere you'd like," John said as he looked back down to his paperwork. "My idiot brother should be the least of your choices."

"Finn's sweet."

"That what you're looking for?" John asked as he dropped his pen.

(Y/N)'s face is pinched, a troubled look flashing between confusion and annoyance. She bit her lip, as if she had words that would tumble out of she did not hold them.

"Just a question," John sighed as he leaned back. "But not mine to ask. I'm sorry."

"You know what I think?" She said, scrambling to her feet. "Tea. I think we both need a spot of tea. Yes."

She was gone in a blink, off to the kitchens to boil the water. John groaned and pressed his face into his hand a moment, exhaling out the frustration. He tried to read the papers again, but couldn't get past the first few lines.

"Idiot, John, idiot," he mumbled. "Finn's not the only Shelby without a fucking clue."

"He's not," she said as she brought in a cup of tea, setting it beside him.

John flushed as he looked up at her sheepishly.

"Thanks, doll," he said, briefly smiling at her before burying his head back into the stack of paperwork.

She smiled thinly, walking to the door but paused in the frame to look back at him.

"My name's not doll, Mr. Shelby."

John's head snapped up and he frowned as he studied his secretary in the doorway.

"I know your name, (Y/N)," he said, his pen falling from his hand. "Just like I know your last name. Just like I know your family. Just like I know your address."

She froze, and his frown deepened, realizing how that must sound.

"I'm your boss," he smiled as he said in a lighter tone. His eyes softened. "I also know that when the room goes to chaos, you run over and make all the girls a spot of tea, to calm everyone's nerves. Earl Grey, I believe. Probably what I have here beside me, too."

She relaxed as his finger swirled the top of the steaming cup.

"I don't call you doll because I don't know your name," John pressed quietly, tucking the words into the silence like you tuck the edges of a bed cover. "I call you doll because you look it. You're angelic, even in this 'shit lighting' you girls like to complain about."

"I--"

"And I've told you before," he said, picking up the cup and pausing it against his lips. "Call me John."

Her mouth clamped down and she studied the man in front of her drinking tea before she smiled softly.

"Yes, John."

----

When your birthday came the next week, you gasped when you found a box on your desk when you sat down for the day. The small white box was wrapped in a red velvet ribbon and tucked in front of her typewriter. You touched the ribbon, feeling the plush fabric as you carefully pulled on it. You lifted the too to find a white note.

Happy birthday, (Y/N).

You deserve a little sparkle after all the hard work you've put in lately.

-J.S.

Under the note was a sliver of the moon woven into a gorgeous band that felt cool against your fingers as it glistened. It was the most gorgeous silver bracelet you had ever seen.

You appeared in his doorway and closed the door before you could even think straight.

"I can accept this, John," you said as you set the box on his desk.

"Why not?" He frowned as he reached for it. "It's your birthday."

"It's far too much," you said. "I'm just a secretary. This isn't proper."

John's eyes widened as he scoffed.

"There's no attachments," he said. "I'm not asking for anything. I just wanted to give you something nice for your birthday. You've worked so hard around here, a card didn't feel enough." He paused, moving the box in his hand. "And maybe there's an apology wrapped in it as well."

"An apology?"

"The other night I was a git," he said as he scratched his neck. "None of my business who or why you run around with anyone. Not my place. Now come 'round so I can put this on your wrist. I'm not taking it back."

You came around his desk as he opened the box, the chain looking so delicate in his large hands. Feelings bubbled inside and you giggled as he fumbled with the clasp.

"Thank you, John," you said softly as he clasped it around your wrist.

"Pretty bracelet for a pretty girl," he rumbled, smiling at you as you hand lingered in his. He cleared his throat. "Right. Well, work calls. Best go back before the chickens gossip."

He patted your hand before you stepped back, and he smiled at your wrist as you rotated it to watch the bracelet gleam in the light.

"Right, work," you said slowly, watching his eyes follow your wrist as you moved. "Do you need anything while I'm here, John?"

His attention snapped to your face as you said his name and he gave you a lopsided smile that gave you butterflies.

"No, thank you," he said. "Happy birthday again, (Y/N)."

"Thank you, John."

Days went by and you found yourself wearing the bracelet every day. Smiling at it when it caught your eye, even when you were in Finn's company.

One Monday morning, John didn't show up for work. Finn told you that his older brothers were in London, drinking and fucking under the guise of expansion. The answer itched under your skin, but you chalked it up to having to take John's place to keep the girls in the office moving. When he came back, you had no hesitation to visit his office.

"No one's seen you in days," you said as you crossed your arms and eyed him carefully from the doorway.

It has been nearly a week and you had to keep the girls in line as well as the bookies during a huge race while your boss, whose job it was, was off doing who knows what. Or who, the annoying little voice in your head chipped in. The whole thing made you feel tired and agitated. And now he's back, on a Friday evening no less, like nothing ever happened.

"Business in London," John said gruffly as he sat down at his desk to the mountain of paperwork waiting for him. "Tom called it a vacation, but there wasn't no free time. All business."

John sighed as he reached for a pen.

"And there's enough papers to go through I aughta be here half the night."

"Any," you said, smiling softly. So no girls.

"Wasn't any free time. Welcome back, John."

John looked up from his paperwork perplexed until his pursed lips slid into a small smile.

"Thank you, (Y/N)," he said as you kicked off the door and sat back at your desk to finish your work.

"Thought I was doll," you called just loud enough for it to carry into his room. You hoped he could hear the smile in your voice.

"You are," he laughed.

An hour or so later you had finished gathering the information from the last race's earnings and stacked the papers to take to John. You tapped on his door frame and walked in without hesitation.

John jolted in his seat and sat up, a guilty look across his face as if he was caught passing notes in class.

"Papers from the last race you missed," you said, tossing them on top of his pile.

John shuffled in his seat, both hands under his desk. You frowned. His hands reappeared and started shuffling the papers, his eyes not meeting yours. You looked down his pinstripe jacket before you realized why he would look guilty and your eyes snapped back up when you saw his trousers undone.

Oh.

You turned around to walk to the door. You stopped there, a hand on the frame as you looked over your shoulder.

"You know quite a few girls fawn over you," you said. "You could have any of them, really. I don't think I've seen you with a girl in some time. You look" you paused. "Stressed."

John frowned as he looked up from his desk.

"I don't want a razor chaser," he said. "Those girls will blind a Blinder fast. They want the snow and the money but they never think of the violence as more than a thrill."

"Only want those that don't want you?" You smiled, watching closely for any response. A glimmer.

John chuckled before he looked back down to the papers.

"Something like that," he murmured.

Monday afternoon, you were at your desk when Tommy --Mr. Shelby-- stormed past you, cigarette burning between his fingers. The door slammed behind him and you could hear pacing in the room behind you.

"Right, John, you're to lead the Italian meeting in my stead," Tommy's muddled voice said, already moving toward the door. The door jiggled.

"Me? But what--"

"I don't want to hear it," Tommy interrupted, walking through the door before pointing behind him at John. "Just make it happen. This company is growing rapidly. Remind me why you should keep your position."

Tommy walked out with a curt nod at you. Conversation over.

You heard papers scatter as Tommy left and immediately stood up and walked into his office to find John pacing behind his desk. You flinched as he grabbed his chair and threw it into a corner, his hands flying to his head as he growled in frustration. You quickly closed the door behind you.

"John?" Your voice wavered.

He stopped in his tracks and looked up, his wild eyes looked over you before he closed them and took a deep breath.

"Yes, (Y/N)," he said tiredly. "What do you want?"

"It's a slow day today," you said as you looked him over, his hands shaking as he fought to stay still, calm, under your gaze. "The girls were hoping to leave early. Make up the hours when we're slammed later this week."

"Yes," John sighed. "Send them home. Thank you, (Y/N). Now if you could kindly go home yourself, I can properly go 'round the bend in peace."

He started pacing again, but you didn't move to leave.

"John?" You were quiet, and yet it was deafening even as he stomped and growled. You could tell your presence set him on edge, but wasn't entirely sure why. You had started to feel safe around him, joking and talking to each other in after hours. You had thought you were friendly with each other, but his demeanor was tense, agitated.

"What?"

"Is there something wrong?"

You stepped forward and he stopped again, rubbing his eyes in his hand.

"Yes," he said, agitation spilling over like bubbles over a boiling kettle. "Yes there's quite a bit wrong. I've got to lead a meeting with the fucking Italians and I've already been on edge, fucking chomping at the bit for weeks. Between the kids and work I've not had a bloody minute alone."

"Can I help?"

John barked a laugh before he could stop himself.

"Not unless you can dress up as me and talk to the bloody Italians," he said bitterly. "Or you're ready to wank off your boss so his head's on straight again."

His head shot up, eyes wide as he took a step around his desk, his hand outstretched.

"I didn't mean that," he said quickly. "Christ, I'm going bloody crazy."

John started pacing again, a wild animal in a cage. The floor under his feet would wear if he kept going. The boards would creak, give way until he was pacing himself into the ground.

"It's fine," you said quietly. "I'll send the girls home."

You stepped out, keeping John closed in his office to pace as you sent everyone home. Your head was racing with his words. They had been carelessly tossed out without a thought only to be reeled back in, back to the boss you had come to know. They had shocked you. But also intrigued you, you thought. Did he mean it?

After telling the girls the good news, you sat back at your desk for a moment and finished a page of type. As they all filed out and said their goodbyes, you gathered your things but left them on your seat as you went back to John's door.

He stopped in mid pace in the middle of his room as you opened the door. He sighed, as his palms pressed into his eyes. As if to press his brains back in to his head before he did anything stupid.

"I'm fine, really," he said pressing his palms deeper into his eyes. "You can go home."

"I want to help."

John looked at you standing in the doorway. You bit your lip as you watched him watch you. The heat from his hungry eyes made your heart flutter.

"Do I have to say it again?" You asked, your voice stronger than you expected it to be. The longer he stared the more uncertain you felt. You looked down for a moment.

"I--"

John's lips collided into your own as his hand raked into your hair and his hips pressed you into the door. He was hungry, needy, wild. He licked your lip and deepened the kiss. You jolted back to earth as his bit your lip a little too hard. You gasped as you pulled back and his moan was ripped out of your mouth. His hazy blue eyes sharpened as he cupped your face.

"Shit, sorry, doll," he said as he pecked your lips. "You taste so sweet. I got carried away."

You squeezed his forearm and pulled him closer to you again, your skin begging for his touch.

"Kiss me again," you said, watching his eyes light up and an easy smile spread across his face.

He did, and this time he didn't bite you. His hands wandered your frame, expertly memorizing every inch as his kisses made you forget everything but his blue eyes. He lightly tugged on your hair and kissed down your neck, illiciting a moan as he found the spot that made you see stars.

"I could listen to that sound forever," he chuckled into your neck before nipping at the same spot.

You pressed yourself to him as you loosened his tie and pulled his shirt from his trousers.

"Aren't I supposed to be relaxing you?" You laughed before you felt his hand push your skirts up to grab at your thighs.

"Multitasking," he said into your ear and pushed his knee between your legs.

You writhed as he pressed you into the door and you felt the friction he caused at your core. You grabbed his chin and pulled him back to your lips for a kiss as you grinded against his leg without a thought. The pleasure had you. He felt entirely too good against you, and you could not bear to be separated.

"You like grinding, eh?" He chuckled as you gasped when he moved his leg with you and you flushed.

He pulled you from the door, leading you to his desk to sit on top of all the papers. John cupped your face and kissed you so hard you saw stars. You followed as he pulled away, half lidded as he pushed you back onto the desk as he pulled his chair from the corner he had thrown it in.

"Stockings come off, love, before I rip them," he said, setting the chair back in front of you.

"Then rip them," you said lowly as you kicked your heels under his desk and propped a foot on the chair.

"Right," he smiled wolfishly as he sat down between your legs and slipped his hand on your calf and into your skirts. "Come 'ere."

You lifted yourself off the desk for a moment so he could pull your stockings over your ass. John tore them off of you without hesitation and tossed them aside as he ran his rough hands along your legs and up your skirt, pulling you off of the desk and straddling his knee. You purred into his ear.

"Your hands feel so good, John," you rasped. "How do I make you feel good?"

You had no thoughts, no cares, you only wanted more. The world, the room you were in, everything but this feeling and him were static to be ignored. You were lost in lust and couldn't pull yourself out, only through.

You grinded into him and whined as you pulled back to look him in the eye. His eyes were heavy and he cupped your cheek as he pulled you into a kiss.

"Did I need this or do you, doll?" He exhaled a smile as he rested his forehead on yours. "I'm not the only one pent up. Someone hasn't been taking care of you, have they?"

You growled and pressed yourself against him.

"Can you shut up for once in your life?" You gritted your teeth.

"I want to hear it from your lips, doll," he said as he teased you, just out of your reach.

"I want it," you whispered as you rubbed him through his slacks. "I want it. I want it. I want it."

----

Completely spent, John buried his head in her hair for a moment before standing up and fastening his trousers.

"I still have that meeting soon," John said, holding his hand out to help her sit up on the desk. "But after. After I tuck the children in," he kissed her hand, the bracelet catching his eye and causing him to smile. "I want to see you with nothing on but that bracelet. I'm not done. Come over tonight."

She smiled weakly, and he frowned and kissed her hand again. His mind was clear, the fog of cum spent between her legs. The clarity sent warning bells through his brain as he watched her face tighten, her smile artificial and cracking near the corners.

"Or yours," he amended and watched her expression stay the same. "Less chances of interruptions."

He frowned deeper and let go of her hand.

"Did I do something wrong? You're still shaking like a leaf, you can't tell me you didn't--"

"Oy, (Y/N)? John?" Finn's voice echoed outside his office. "Hello?"

John and (Y/N) both froze for a moment as they locked eyes. She gave him a pleading look as she stood up and smoothed her dress back down, slipping her heels back on with effort. John tucked his shirt back in and straightened his tie as she walked to the door and opened it.

"Hey Finn," she smiled weakly, opening the door wide as he strode in. "John was just going over last minute reports before we leave."

"I caught the other ladies down the street," Finn said and eyed his brother. "You're entirely unfair keeping (Y/N) while the rest are allowed to run off for the day. She works so hard for you already, you should appreciate her more."

"I suggested it," (Y/N) cut in as John frowned and opened his mouth. "To get a leg up for tomorrow. But we're done here, so I really should head home. John, good luck with your meeting. I hope I helped."

John nodded and cleared his throat, his brain growing dark. Is she really pretending like I didn't just take her over my desk, he thought. Surely she's just saving his feelings.

"Right, right," he said as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Have a nice evening, (Y/N)."

"Can I walk you home?" Finn smiled at her as he asked. "Maybe take you to an early dinner?"

John's jaw set as she gave him one last pleading glance before smiling and nodding to Finn, nestling her arm in his.

"I'd love that," she said, her voice shaky as she looked back to John. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Shelby."

John's heart dropped as Finn led her out of his office. He sank into his chair and settled his face into his hands.

Masterlist

[omgrachwrites]

Not The Only One - Billy Russo

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Summary: You knew that you should have never entertained Billy Russo, you knew what everyone said about him. Against your better judgement, you decide to open yourself up to him.

Warnings: fluff, angst, mentions of sex, slightly ooc Billy

Words: 1646

A/N: This is my first time writing Billy so I hope this is okay! I’d say that he’s slightly out of character in the first part! Also can you tell that I fancy Madani? I hope you guys enjoy this one and please let me know what you think! I love you all! xxx

Billy Russo was never a man who you had wanted though everyone thought you were crazy for that fact, especially when he was so devastatingly handsome as he was. He had a reputation, a reputation that you didn’t care for. He never stayed with one woman for long, he’d had no long term girlfriend to speak of in years and he definitely wasn’t a man for exclusivity. It was a shame really. You wanted more than that, you wanted the real deal. A small town girl like you wanted love in the Big Apple.

Billy Russo embodied everything that you didn’t want. Though, it seemed like your dreams and reality were worlds apart, ever since he sauntered into the bar where you worked with that devilish smirk on his face. You hadn’t expected him to be so charming with that gorgeous toothy grin and gleaming eyes. Against your better judgement, he had charmed his way into your life after becoming a regular in the bar, you couldn’t help it.

When you began sleeping together – again, against your better judgement, having a little bit of fun never harmed anyone – he had never mentioned anything about being exclusive and you were too scared to ask. With great difficulty, you manged to put those feelings aside as you grinned down at the beautiful man beneath you.

Billy smirked up at you, a mischievous glint in his deep eyes, eyes that were almost black, and he folded his arms behind his head, looking rather comfortable, “you look perfect up there, Y/N. Like you were made to sit up there,” he leaned up to kiss you, cupping your jaw, you sighed as his stubble pleasantly scratched against your cheek.

When he pulled away, you shifted your hips against his teasingly and you rubbed your hands up his smooth chest, delighting in the pleasure that flashed across his face. His eyes were heavy lidded and his bottom lip was caught between his teeth.

“I like it up here too,” you laughed as you raised an eyebrow and looked him up and down, raising an eyebrow, “it’s very… firm,” Billy snickered as he wrapped his arms around your hips, causing you to move again.

You gasped and cupped his cheeks, groaning against his lips as he brushed against your wet centre and pleasure sparked through your body. He made a strangled noise in the back of his throat as you rolled your hips again, leaning back, keeping a hand on his chest so he didn’t move. You wanted him again, it had barely been ten minutes since he’d been buried inside you but Billy always left you wanting more.

You ran your fingers through his thick hair, tugging slightly at the strands, smiling when he grunted, “I want you, Billy,” you sighed as you pulled him into a searing kiss, catching his bottom lip with your teeth, tugging at it slightly. You smiled when you heard his groan rumble in his chest. You couldn’t believe that you were actually here with him.

He smiled, he actually smiled up at you – in turn it lit up his whole face – as he cupped your cheeks, his thumb slightly pulling on your bottom lip that was swollen from your kissing. God, he was so stunningly beautiful, “I’m all yours, angel,” he whispered and you sighed wistfully, if only that were true. For tonight, it was true, for tonight you were his and he was yours.

Afterwards, you lay side by side as your soft fingers trailed down his neck and over his sweat slicked chest, smiling when his muscles tightened and relaxed beneath your touch. His eyes followed the path that your fingers traced and a muscle fluttered in his jaw.

“What are you thinking about, Billy?”

He sighed as he met your eyes, smiling slightly as he stroked his fingers through your hair, “it’s just,” he bit out his lip and huffed out a laugh, “I’m just thinking about, Frank, about how much I miss him,” his words seemed sincere though his face betrayed them. It didn’t look like he missed his best friend all that much but you supposed that this was merely his way of coping.

“I’m sorry, Billy,” you pressed your forehead against his and he shook his head, wrapping his arms around your body.

“Let’s not talk of something so morbid,” he offered you a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

The both of you talked for a short while, until you dozed off, feeling warm and protected in Billy’s strong arms. Like clockwork, the rustling of bed covers woke you up and you found that Billy Russo was dressing himself as weak sunlight poked through your curtains. Your heart deflated in your chest as you watched him get ready to leave.

“Won’t you stay, Billy?” you whispered but you knew what the answer would be, what it would always be.

He smiled regretfully as he shrugged on his jacket, he looked so handsome, “I’m sorry baby,” he soothingly rubbed a warm hand over your arm, “I’ve got a long day ahead,” that was what he always said, you didn’t know why you were still torturing yourself like this. He would never stay for breakfast, “can I call you later on?”

When you smiled tightly and nodded, he rewarded you with a sweet kiss. The following day, you were at your bartending job in a foul mood. Billy hadn’t called when he said that he would, you should have learnt to be disappointed where Billy was concerned. Maybe he was busy with work; maybe it was time to be a bit more optimistic. You had hoped that the bar would be too busy for you to even think about Billy but it was a slow night.

Behind the bar, you were brushing up the remains of a smashed glass and you glanced up when the door opened, letting the cold night air spill into the warm, noisy bar. That was when you saw her, the most beautiful woman that you’d ever seen. She had dark hair that fell in elegant ringlets around her face and when she walked, eyes were all on her. It was obvious that she knew how to command a room.

You were about to make your way over to serve her but you stopped short when a handsome young man joined her. Billy Russo. Your heart rapidly began beating in your chest as tears stung in your eyes. You didn’t want to jump to conclusions, perhaps they were only friends but somehow, you didn’t think so. They couldn’t have been just friends, not by the way he beamed at her, his face shining in the dim light of the bar.

The beautiful woman coyly looked away from him, feigning her disinterest; you could see the smile that she was trying so hard to conceal. As he whispered in her ear, you decided that you had seen enough and like a coward, you ran out into the back. You gulped in breaths of fresh air as hot tears streamed down your face as you felt a sharp pain in your chest.

The signs had been there all along, you had just chosen to ignore them, you were under no illusion that things were exclusive between the two of you, you had dared not to ask him, knowing that he would deny you. Though, never in a million years would you have thought that he’d bring one of his conquests to the place where he knew you worked. Was he so heartless?

After a couple of moments, your co-worker followed you outside with a worried look on her face, “Y/N? Are you okay sweetie?”

Quickly you swiped at your eyes and nodded at her, attempting a watery smile even though your heart felt like it was breaking, “I’m fine, I’ll be back inside in a minute.”

Your friend have you an apologetic look as she shook her head, “take all the time you need.”

You took a few more deep breaths and wandered back inside. All night it was torture, as Billy and his latest fling sat at the bar, flirting back and forth. You had managed to successfully avoid Billy all night, you never wanted to speak to him again. How could he be so cruel? When Billy walked in the direction of the restroom, you watched him go and deemed it was safe to collect the glasses where he’d been sitting.

“Are you alright?” the beautiful woman asked, smiling at you as her brown eyes softened.

You sniffled and looked at her; you could imagine what you looked like with your tear streaked cheeks and red eyes. She looked perfect in comparison. You mustered the biggest smile that you could and you nodded at her, “I’m fine thank you.”

“Are you ready to go, Dinah?” Billy was back and he looked her up and down with the ghost of a smirk as he licked his lips and you could feel tears welling up in your eyes again. With a raised eyebrow he looked over at you and surprise flickered over his handsome face, why was he surprised? He knew that you worked here. But to be fair, you didn’t usually work on a Thursday, maybe he thought you wouldn’t be here. He swallowed his throat bobbing as he did so and he at least had the decency to look guilty.

“Sure,” she smirked back at him as she slid over her stool and they walked out of the bar together. You willed Billy to look back, he turned his head to the side like he was about to but he quickly shook his head and left without a second glance.

You should have trusted your feelings; you should have trusted what everyone said about him. You should have known you wouldn’t be the only one.

-----------------------

@smiithys​ @elayneblack​ @amelie-black​

[ownedbybooks]

End of Year Reading Tag 📚

I was tagged on my main account by @therefugeofbooks so I thought "what a better way to start my new bookblr blog, then through my 2021 readings?". Thanks for the tag, Caah! <3

Let's go to the questions:

did you reach your reading goal for the year (if you had one)?

No, I didn't :( But I almost reached it! My goal was to read 55 books and I finished 2021 by reading 44 books. I was happy, though, because I've read 40+ books!

what are your top 3 books you read this year?

The Song of Achilles, by Madeline Miller;

La vie devant soi, by Romain Gary;

Time's Divide, by Rysa Walker.

what’s a book that you didn’t expect to enjoy quite so much going in?

Proteja-me, by Mila Wander & Josy Stoque. It was clearly from the beginning that it was a more madure and erotic book. And even though i like the spicy scenes, till this book I haven't found one that had a really good plot, characters and writing. So I started reading it with precaution, knowing it was going to be hard to me to like it. But, surprisingly, IT WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED. The writing was great, the characters had depth, the plot was more than the "i want to fuck her/him", it had drama, it discussed important topics, it had emotional growth, the majority of the female characters respected each other (even though they might despise each other at some points). Great, great, great reading!

were there any books that didn’t live up to your expectations?

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, by Robert Louis Stevenson. I think that great part was from the fact that I already knew major spoilers about it, because of pop culture references. But still, I was hoping I was going to enjoy the read a bit more.

did you reread any old faves? If so, which one was your favourite?

I did reread some books, but none were previously my favourites. I don't even know if I can considere one of them my favourite rereads of 2021 ahhahah Maybe Glass Sword, by @vaveyard since I decided to finish the whole series and for that I needed to reread the first 2 volumes :)

did you dnf any books?

Only the ones I couldn't finish before the new year arrived (but spoiler: i already finished one of them):

Making and Breaking the Grid: A Graphic Design Layout Workshop, by Timothy Samara;

Broken Throne, by @vaveyard

did you read any books outside your usual preferred genre(s)?

Even though I LOVE Historical Romance movies and tv shows, I'm not very used to it as a book genre.

So, after binge watching the first whole season of Bridgerton on 2020, I decided to read the first book of the series: The Duke and I, by Julia Queen. I thought it was okay (apart from a specific scene), but still I feel I'm not 100% used to this genre.

what was your predominant format this year?

Well… e-book and digital reading. Even thought I've read a lot of physical books, e-book was 50% of my most read format.

what’s the longest book you read this year?

Horror Clássico, a 3-in-1 ebook: it has together Frankenstein, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Dracula. I am now considering myself an gothic literature affectionate hahhaha

what are your top 3 anticipated 2022 releases?

I'm not much in touch with releases… So I don't know…

what books from your tbr did you not get to this year, but are excited to read in 2022?

I don't normally do TBRs, only during read-a-thons. But I'm going to answer this question based on my "Want to Read" pile from Goodreads (which for me is kinda like a TBR):

Oscar et la dame rose, by Éric-Emmanuel Schmitt;

The Mirror & the Light, Hilary Mantel (I have even already bought it!);

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, by Suzanne Collins;

Clockwork Angel, by Cassandra Clare;

The Hobbit, by J. R. R. Tolkien

[jaskierswolf]

The Grass is Greener Pt.3/3

CW: More shitty parents...

Previous

Dinner was an absolute nightmare. The food itself was delicious. They ordered from the lovely little Italian place in town that was one of Jaskier’s favourites for board game night with his housemates. Geralt and Jaskier both ordered pizza, which was the totally normal thing to do when ordering takeaway. His mother ordered sea bass with new potatoes, spinach and mediterranean vegetables.

Ciri was snoring quietly in her pram. Geralt had popped home to get it whilst they were waiting for the food as Ciri threw a bit of a tantrum when they’d tried to get her back into her carry cot.

They were eating on the patio table. Jaskier had insisted. They had spent over two hours trying to clear up the garden and his mother was going to fucking appreciate it, seeing as she’d found every reason to pull apart his house.

The carpet was the wrong colour, the oven was shit, his bedroom was a mess (it wasn’t), the bathroom stank even through the jammy door (it kind of did, thanks Regis), the windows were filthy, there were too many beds…

It went on and on and on.

Geralt, who was supposed to be helping to charm his darling mother, was just glaring at her across the table. Jaskier was trying to joke and make awkward conversation but the tension was just too much. He couldn’t do this. Everything he said was met was snide comments from his mother, who’s current favourite topic was Geralt being a single father, because how could Jaskier ever be good enough to help raise a child. Geralt didn’t once defend himself against his mother’s remarks which Jaskier found infuriating but he was immensely glad that Geralt was there to serve as a buffer. He was struggling to remember how he coped in past years without Geralt’s assistance. How on earth had he managed this battle on his own every year?

Geralt had held his hand throughout the entire dinner, which was both amazing and really awkward when it came to eating. Luckily pizza didn’t require a knife and fork. Occasionally, Geralt would lean in to kiss his cheek or brush Jaskier’s fringe from his eyes. Jaskier hadn’t known what to expect from fake dating Geralt. He’d assumed that he would be the better actor out of the two of them, but his mother was throwing him off and Geralt seemed to have slipped into the role as if he were born to love Jaskier, and didn’t that just make him feel all giddy?

Still he could do without the death glares being shot towards his mother whenever she said… well, anything really.

“Geralt. A word, please.” He said firmly, squeezing Geralt’s hand and standing up.

Geralt grunted and turned to flee into the house. Jaskier sighed. “Mother, can you watch Ciri?”

His mother nodded and stabbed at the poor dead fish on her plate. He nodded back and ran into the house.

“Geralt!” He called after his neighbour.

Geralt was now the one pacing in the living room. “What the fuck is her problem?”

Jaskier frowned. Why was he so angry? It wasn’t as if they were actually dating…

Jaskier shrugged and tapped out a rhythm on his leg with his fingers as he tried to recap an entire lifetime of terrible parenting as quickly as possible. “I’ve always been the problem child, according to my parents. I came out when I was sixteen after years of running around in my sister’s high heels and dresses. Mother and Father didn’t exactly welcome the news and proceeded to ignore it until I left for uni. When I said I was going to study music they all but kicked me out the house. Apparently being bi was tolerable but not having a ‘proper’ career was a step too far. After uni, I sofa-surfed for a few years until Pris suggested we all get a house together, that’s when Regis practically adopted us and… well… here we are. Present day.”

Geralt put a hand on his shoulder and then pulled him into a hug.

Jaskier yelped, surprised by the sudden show of affection. “Geralt?” He mumbled against Geralt’s chest, trying to ignoring the blooming love in his heart.

“You don’t deserve that.” He grumbled. “Any of that.”

Jaskier pulled back and furrowed his brow. “Yeah, and how would you know?”

Geralt… blushed?

“Geralt?” Jaskier asked, cupping Geralt’s cheek.

“When you moved in you made me cupcakes.” Geralt mumbled.

Jaskier stared in shock at the man in front of him. He’d forgotten about that. They’d been a complete mess and the icing had leaked all over the bottom of the box, but they’d still been edible and Geralt had insisted that Jaskier stay for a cup of tea to try them.

It had just been Geralt in the house at the time. He’d still been waiting for the paperwork to be finalised to be approved as a potential adoptive parent and the house had seemed so empty. It was the same size as Jaskier’s and Jaskier shared with four other people, well, three others and Valdo Marx. Apparently, Geralt had come into some money following a death of a family friend and he’d been able to afford a family sized home. Jaskier had just seen the hot guy next door and decided to spontaneously make cupcakes in a half-baked attempt, pun intended, to get laid. It hadn’t worked and Jaskier had settled for pining for his hot neighbour instead.

How had he forgotten about that?

“Geralt.” He breathed.

“And when I got the flu you came round with groceries and made soup.” Geralt added.

Jaskier swallowed nervously. “I was worried about you. You hadn’t left the house for days and I don’t think I’d even seen you miss a day of work before. You leave every morning like clockwork.”

“You’re a great person, Jaskier.” Geralt chuckled almost nervously, in a way that was making Jaskier’s heart run far too fast in his chest. “And seeing you with Ciri, Jask, you’re incredible.”

Jaskier scoffed trying to calm the torrent of feelings in his poor bisexual heart. “This fake dating is getting to your head, Geralt.”

Geralt hummed and pulled away from him. “Right.”

“Can you please just try and get along with my mother until I can send her off to the hotel room she inevitably booked so she doesn’t have to stay with us, me, with me.” Jaskier stumbled over his words. “Please?”

“Then we can get the pictures for Yen and I’ll be out of your hair.” Geralt grumbled.

Jaskier laughed nervously. Why did that suddenly sound like a death sentence?

God, he was already addicted to Geralt being in his life.

“Right.” He mumbled.

They both sulked back outside to the patio where his mother was cooing at baby Ciri in her pram.

Jaskier turned to face Geralt who had a matching confused expression on his face.

“Geralt, she is just the cutest.” His mother cooed.

“What the…” Jaskier muttered.

“Thank you, Mrs Pankratz.” Geralt said slowly, as if he didn’t trust his words.

His mother bopped the young girl on the nose then turned up to look between Geralt and Jaskier.  “Now then, what’s up with you two? Julian, don’t tell me you’ve managed to ruin your relationship with this young man already!” She snapped.

Jaskier gaped. What the fuck?

This wasn’t his life.

Dear god this wasn’t his life.

Geralt wrapped his arm around Jaskier’s waist pulling Jaskier towards him and placing a kiss on Jaskier’s temple. Jaskier’s heart fluttered in his chest he couldn’t help but lean into Geralt’s embrace.

“Not at all.” Geralt said in his lovely deep voice that made Jaskier’s insides turn to goo.

“Geralt was just worried about me.” Jaskier chimed, the fake smile back on his face. “All sorted now.”

“Worried?” His mother scoffed and then turned to give Ciri a smile that, if Jaskier didn’t know better, would have been described as motherly. “Whatever for?”

Geralt smiled too sweetly. It looked wrong on his face. Jaskier gulped and looked between them. “He’s tried so hard to make you proud, Mrs Pankratz and you have not been kind. As his guest you should be grateful that he’s invited you into his home. Yet everything he does is flawed in your eyes. Makes me wonder, is there something wrong with your eyes? Because your son is… he’s one of the best people that I’ve had the pleasure to meet.”

“Excuse me?!” Jaskier’s mother shrieked and Jaskier decided it would be rather lovely if a big hole would just open up under his feet right.

“And yet, you look at my daughter as if she is an angel.” Geralt growled.

“Oh well. She is rather amazing.” Jaskier mumbled.

“If only you had treated your son with the same respect, maybe we could have gotten along better.” Geralt carried on as if Jaskier hadn’t said a word.

“You have no right!” His mother pointed at Geralt. “No right!”

Geralt shrugged. “Perhaps, but Jaskier was too good to say what needed to be said.”

“Geralt, love.” Jaskier squeezed Geralt’s hand, probably too hard. “You promised.”

Geralt closed his eyes and growled. “Jaskier, I can’t just sit here and listen to her bullshit.”

“Why not?” Jaskier pouted. “I’ve done it for years. One day, Geralt, you had to do it for one fucking day. Why couldn’t you?”

“Because I love you!” Geralt snapped.

Jaskier froze and stared at Geralt.

It was an act.

It was all an act.

Except…. what if it wasn’t?

Jaskier lunged forwards and pulled Geralt into a bruising kiss. He needed to, he needed Geralt like he needed the oxygen in the air. He’d been pining after this man for a year and hearing those words, fake or otherwise, it was too much. He felt a prick of tears in his eyes and he sniffed.

“Oh bollocks.” He mumbled against Geralt’s lips. “Fuck, Geralt, you made me cry. You bastard.”

Geralt pulled back to stare intently into Jaskier’s eyes, searching for the answer to some unasked question. “Jask?”

He sniffed and wiped the tears from his eyes. “I love you too, Geralt.”

Geralt brushed his thumb across Jaskier’s cheek and laughed. “You promised you wouldn’t.”

Jaskier snorted. “You promised to be nice to my mother.” He countered.

They both ignored the squeak of protest from the woman in question.

Geralt scoffed. “Some promises are worth breaking.”

“Can someone please explain, what is going on here?” His mother snapped, causing the girl in her arms to start screaming again.

Jaskier gave Geralt another chaste kiss and winked before turning to face his mother with his hands on his hips.

“Mother, dearest. Please return Ciri to her father and kindly fuck off.” He sneered.

“You can’t talk to me that way!” She protested as Ciri was pulled from her arms.

Jaskier tilted his head. “Oh ho ho! I think I can. You!” He pointed at her. “Kicked me out, or do you not remember that lovely little detail?”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m really not. Now as wonderful as all this has been. You should know that this house is not just mine, I live here with my friends.” He snorted. “As if I could afford the rent on a house like this on my own, Geralt here, is not my boyfriend—”

“Yet.” Geralt added with a smirk.

“—Yet.” Jaskier agreed and winked at Geralt. “He agreed to help after spending over two hours mowing the lawn because it was so overgrown it resembled a small forest. The only reason he helped was because I have no idea how to actually do basic gardening tasks because I am terrible at anything that isn’t music and writing.”

“Jaskier.” Geralt growled.

“Oh and falling in love with my incredible gorgeous neighbour before he even asked me out on a date. It’s an oddly specific talent but has served me remarkably well, I think.”

“Julian!” His mother gasped.

“Oh and I did babysit Ciri a few times, but get this… I didn’t even ask for money!” He laughed at the shock on her face. “I did it because Geralt asked me to and she’s actually rather cute.”

“I can’t listen to this.” His mother started to head back to the front door.

Jaskier was absolutely fucking delighted! Oh he should have done this years ago! He should never have let the woman back into his life. It had only hurt him, but then again would he have tried to fix the garden without her? Would he have ever worked up the courage to ask Geralt out?

Probably not…

He scoffed.

She would hate that he had only gotten a boyfriend because of her meddling.

“I’m leaving!” She called over her shoulder as she stormed out the front door.

“Thank fuck for that!” Jaskier waved after her and then turned to go back in the house.

He almost ran straight into Geralt who was stood right behind him with Ciri in one arm.

Thirteen years he’d put up with his mother’s torture. More than that if you counted the years before he’d come out. All that time trying to be someone he wasn’t just to please her when he could have just left her and his shitty family behind.

Why had he’d been so scared?

Geralt pulled him into a hug and kissed his hair with a hum.

Jaskier scowled as the thought hit him. “Geralt?”

“Hmm.”

“Did you really mean it?” He asked as he rested his head on Geralt’s chest, listening to his  heartbeat.

“Yeah. Did you?” Geralt pulled back so they could see each other’s faces.

Jaskier laughed and cupped Geralt’s face in his hands. “Oh, dear heart, I’ve never been more serious in my life.”

Geralt tilted his head and glanced down at Ciri. “And you don’t mind, about Ciri?”

Jaskier giggled.

“Geralt, darling.” He kissed his new boyfriend chastely and then crossed his arms, putting on his best scary Geralt face. “The child must not be an obstacle.”

Geralt shoved him and he fell over laughing, as Geralt stalked back into the living room.

“I regret nothing!” He called after Geralt before scrambling to his feet and chasing after his grumpy, and still insanely hot neighbour/boyfriend. 

________

More witcher fun!

[ellewritesathing]

Cross My Heart      I

Summary: No one wants to go to a wedding by themselves, especially when it’s the wedding of someone you haven’t seen in nearly four years. Going with Caliban was definitely a bad decision, but it was still better than going alone.

Masterlist Part 1 

Word-count: 1.3k+

A/N: should i be finishing up infernal? yes. am i writing another fake dating au? also yes. 

Photo by Jessica Lewis on Unsplash  

The college years were some of Caliban’s finest. High school had been a few years of heartbreak, when people were just beginning to experiment with bad decision-making. But bad decisions abounded in the college years, and Caliban was a favorite among bad decision-makers. He had all the makings of a tremendously bad decision: long hair, tattoos, and a devilish smile. Caliban was a bad decision that was bound to be repeated. 

Looking back on all his drunken escapades, Caliban felt a certain stirring in his chest. He’d had fun, sure, and everyone on campus knew his name, but he’d never made a real connection with anyone other than his flatmate. Now that they were packing up for graduation, Caliban wasn’t even so sure he could count on Adam to be there once they were in different parts of the country. He’d already spent the last month putting blue post-it notes on everything he owned and pink ones on all Caliban’s stuff. 

There weren't many pink post-it notes throughout the apartment; just on the coffee table, the french press, and the books on the living room shelf. The shelf itself had been there when they moved in, but Caliban had filled it up with secondhand books and Adam had added the lost and found box after one too many houseguests had forgotten their belongings. There wasn’t a post-it on the lost and found box. Ruefully, Caliban took a swig of his coffee, reached over, and stuck a pink post-it on the box.

Caliban had spent the past four years of his life being everyone’s favorite bad decision, but the college years were coming to a close and he was coming undone. He had been full of guts and dopamine and - according to you - full of shit. At least, that’s what you told him as you waded through the moving boxes to the living room. 

Finally, you made it around the boxes and into Caliban’s line of view before climbing on top of the coffee table - the only uncluttered surface in the entire apartment. “Jesus Christ, is the Second Coming happening and no one told me?” you asked, bending down to shove Caliban’s legs off your stage. 

Caliban sighed and put his mug down on the coffee table, making a dark rim on the top of a blue post-it. He nodded at his flatmate, who was in the process of adding another box to an already teetering pile. “Adam here likes to be prepared.” 

You rolled your eyes and grabbed Caliban’s coffee as you straightened up again. “Yeah, tell me about it.” You grimaced after taking a sip of his coffee and spun around to focus on Adam and his post-its. Caliban suppressed a laugh. “So are any of these boxes for next week or …?” 

Adam groaned and smacked his head against his notepad. “I knew I forgot something,” he mumbled. He wiped his face and looked up at you. “I can’t go with you next week, babe. I thought I told you.” 

“Well, you didn’t-” You paused to finish the coffee and grimace, holding out your index finger as an indicator to wait “-and now I’m going to have to be the only single person at that entire wedding.” 

“If it’s any consolation, I don’t think anyone would buy us as a couple anyway.” Adam held his hand to the side of his mouth and leaned in as if to tell you a secret. “On account of me being a flaming homosexual and all.” 

You punctuated your next sentence by waving Caliban’s mug around. It was one of the ceramic mugs you and Adam had made in sophomore year, with badly painted curse words coating the outside. “I know that, but all I wanted was a drinking buddy, not a real date.” 

“So take Caliban. His liver is practically indestructible at this point,” Adam said, shrugging. “Plus he’s hot enough to make that podunk ex of yours jealous.” 

“If I wanted to have someone sleep with half the wedding party, I would have asked Caliban,” you said irritably. You crossed your arms and tightened your grip on the mug. 

“You know I’m still here, right, darling?” Caliban asked, tilting his head up to you and nudging you with his boot. “This is still my apartment for two weeks and three days.”

“I wasn’t really talking to you, angel.” You were trying very hard to ignore him, but Caliban made himself very hard to ignore. He could tell by the annoyed look on your face that you were, at the very least, considering it.

For a moment, the apartment was nothing but silent anticipation, and then Adam laughed. “You two are ridiculous,” he said. “You hooked up one time about a million years ago, and now you’re like mortal enemies?”

You scoffed. “We’re not mortal enemies, he’s just insufferable.”

Caliban rolled his eyes, but he smiled at the memory of being one of the first bad decisions of your college years. The two of you had met at a bar in freshman year, got into an argument over Green Day songs, and went back to the apartment to see who was right. A couple of drinks later, and the two of you fell asleep to the sweet serenades of 21st Century Breakdown. Caliban woke up the next morning to his record player skipping tracks, a pounding headache, and you and Adam dancing to Taylor Swift in the kitchen. 

You’d said afterward that the best part of that night was meeting Adam and stealing Caliban’s old Coldplay t-shirt.

“He’s also kind of your only option,” Adam said, shrugging again and adding something to his notebook. 

“Actually, until someone asks me, I’m not anyone’s option,” Caliban said as he fidgetted with one of the knick-knacks on the side table. He smiled devilishly at your irritation.

You and Adam argued with one another without saying a word, something about your relationship that had always made Caliban envious. He'd never been close enough to anyone to communicate in looks. Eventually, you groaned and turned to Caliban. Through gritted teeth, you asked, “Caliban, will you go to a wedding with me?” 

“Say please.” 

“No.” 

“Then no.” 

You glowered and Caliban grinned. “Please,” you added reluctantly. 

Caliban set the knick-knack to the side and leaned forward, elbows on his knees and chin resting in his hands. “What’s in it for me?”

Adam scrambled around the boxes to diffuse the situation before you exploded. Dragging you down from the coffee table, he said, “You get a couple weeks away from your crappy family.” 

“That all?” Caliban tilted his head. 

“That and I won’t smother you in your sleep,” you said. When Caliban didn't say anything, you rolled your eyes and added laundry to the list. 

Caliban was about to say something particularly spiteful when you sighed and leaned your head against Adam’s shoulder, mumbling that this was useless. Adam adjusted his grip to make you more comfortable, and Caliban’s heart softened. He’d never had someone to lean on like that. 

“I’ll go with you,” Caliban said slowly as he got to his feet, “On one condition.”

“Which is?” 

Caliban smiled his most angelic smile. “Promise me you won’t fall in love with me.” 

You rolled your eyes and untangled yourself from Adam. “Are you serious right now?” 

“As serious as the two of you were about getting breakup bangs after the debacle with J-” 

“Don’t you dare say his name,” Adam said, pointing an accusing finger at Caliban’s chest. 

You shook your head and started the journey back through the boxes. “I’ll pick you up next Friday. If you’re not outside by 9am, I’m leaving without you.” 

Caliban rocked on his heels and tried in vain to catch your eye. “So, do you promise not to fall in love with me?” 

Without so much as a pause, you said over your shoulder, “Cross my heart.”

Adam laughed, and Caliban probably would have laughed as well, maybe even said something witty, if he wasn’t distracted by the pink post-it stuck to the bottom of your shoe. 

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[hiatus-for-forever]

Izuku Midoriya x Reader

Summary: You and Midoriya going on a date in which you fly together and Midoriya being considerate and super cute for your second date

Quirk: You have 3 pairs of wings. each are almost as big as Hawks’. More info in the fic. 

Genre/Warnings: Fluff, cursing

WC: 1,446

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From the moment you walked in the door, he knew he was entranced by you. The door opened, revealing no one as the class continued to stare at the empty doorstep. Then you came, you flew in with the middle pair of wings unraveled in it’s breathtaking glory. You were laughing the whole time, not caring for the stares of the class, “The door’s so cool!” you exclaimed. 

You heard how the door should be welcoming to any and all students with any quirk from your sister, who also dreamed of going to a school like this, and applying but not being able to make the cut. She did fully support you when you got in and rejoiced since you knew how much you wanted to be a hero even with the guilt that your sister wouldn’t be. She did find her true passion after all so it all worked out in the end.

But enough about her, this is about you. Your cheerful presence had interested everyone, bombarding you with questions after the quirk evaluation. You explained how your quirk worked and answered all their questions. They mostly included compliments on your speed and the size of your wings

Yet, though you’ve interacted with most of your class, you were surprised to have unintentionally avoided one, or rather, he avoided you. Normally he would never hesitate to ask someone about their quirk but something about you was... intimidating. He thought it was how powerful your quirk was but then again he was childhood friends with Bakugou. Then he realized, it was because he liked you. 

That can’t be right, he thought but it was your all around feel that was welcoming and you basically radiated comfort. You would answer back to anyone, weather you liked them or not, kindly. You even politely asked Mineta to stop touching you instead of just shoving him off like everyone else. You were really pretty too. You looked literally angelic, with your wings and all.

 That’s why when he finally talked to you, he was blown away with how you answered each of his questions without hesitation. A smile was present on your face the entire time and you were practically glowing, the warmth he felt from you calmed him of any nerves he had in the first place. 

After that it was like clockwork, he approached you everyday and ate lunch with you, studied with you and always made sure you were in perfect condition. You appreciated all he did to make sure you were well and in turn you accidentally caught feelings. 

You learned to care for him as well and were the one to stop him from overworking. You two were literally a perfect couple and everyone saw both your crushes on each other. But alas, you two were dense as fuck.

You never second-guessed Midoriya’s flustered reactions due to his fidgety nature and he never second-guessed your kindness as anything but that. You two were content as friends, you made that pretty clear to your friends. Still, that didn’t stop them from mentioning his crush on you, to you and your crush on Midoriya, to him. 

That brought you two to eventually talking it out and agreeing to go on a date. “Like normal people” you joked. And there was no better time than this week. It had been plenty stressful and you both needed to de-stress. You hadn’t really planned where to go but you both just agreed to stop by anywhere you felt like, just needing to get out of the dorms.

It was afternoon when you decided to go and once you were out of the campus, with permission from Aizawa, you began to realize that you should’ve indeed planned where to go. Instead, you both stood outside the gate, shuffling awkwardly, waiting for the other to talk. 

“Uh-” “So-”

You both flinched at one another, Deku turning bright red as you giggled. You calmed down first, “You were saying?” you gestured for him to continue

“U-Um yeah. Where did you wanna go?”

“Well, we already ate lunch so how ‘bout we go to a cafe for dessert” you suggested

“No thanks I’m still pretty full” said, rubbing his stomach. His eyes soon widened at the fact he rejected your suggestion, “B-But we can still go! I can pay!” he said desperately, he didn’t want you to change your mind and not go out with him anymore

You laughed out loud, “No worries! We can just go somewhere else” You smiled and he blushed again. You were so pretty when you did that. “How about you, you have any suggestions?” you asked him

He really didn’t. He’s the type to prepare for something before it happens, so this impromptu date was not up his alley. He looks at the sidewalk behind you, trying to think up where to go, even contemplating pulling out his phone to search up where to go for a date. You sensed his uneasiness and spoke up, “I do have this special spot I go to if you can’t think of anywhere”

“Special spot?” He said curiously.

You nodded, “Yup! It’s not too far so we can walk there”

He nodded, “Sure let’s go”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Here we are” you said. The walk had been quiet mostly, aside from some small talk. He did ask about where you were going but you told him it was a surprise. You talked about other things of course, about tests and other academic topics mostly. 

Eventually you reached your old apartment complex, your parents still lived here and you visited during holidays. He eyed it, blushing at the realization he now knew where you lived, before the dorms of course, and maybe you would take him to your room or something. Only the thought of it made him combust into flames

“Let’s go” you pulled him into the building, greeting the receptionist and her telling you your parents were out for work. You told her it was fine since you weren’t going to your home anyway. This piqued his interest because where else would you be going?

You then gestured for him to follow as you went to the elevator. He stood there awkwardly as you pressed the button for the top most floor. The time it took going up wasn’t much, the elevator stopping from time to time revealing no one who was gonna step in.

When you finally reached the top your excitement had also increased. You excitedly grabbed him by the wrist, running thought the corridor, past some doors, taking a turn and finding the staircase. You dragged him up, tripping once but refusing his help and running up the stairs, “Here it is” you said, opening the door to the roof.

You both stepped out and you immediately inhaled the familiar scent of dusty cement, taking you back to your childhood where your parents told you not to go off the edge. You did anyway, it was fun. Midoriya watched as you ran to the railing, looking down at the houses and restaurants below you. “I used to go here all the time after hard days. Its relaxing to just soar through the air since no one bothered me. Even if I got in trouble sometimes” You said.

He loved how serene you looked up here, the way you took in and released the clean air, how you enjoyed the fact it smelled different up there. There was no one around, just you two and the city breeze. 

The wind picked up and blew against your feathers. Your eyes lit up and you looked the Modoriya, “You wanna fly with me?” you offered

He stopped and stuttered, “E-Eh? How does that work? I can’t really stay on your back as that can constrict your flying but I don’t think you can fly with me on your stomach either, maybe holding onto my wrists would work? But I don’t want to trouble you with my weight, not like you can’t take it or anything but-”

“Izuku! Relax!” You halted his muttering, “Here” You wrapped your arms around his torso, “We’ll fly like this”

“HUH!?” He had never been this close to a girl before, you had your freaking arms around him. It was bliss, sure, but still so embarrassing. You two aren’t even going out officially yet and sure you guys are on a first name basis but was this still allowed? Maybe you were like this with others, you are really close with the rest of the class.

“You ready?” You asked.

He gulped and nodded. He heard the flapping of your wings, one, two pairs working to get you both off the ground, third pair occasionally flapping to pull some weight. He felt his feet lift off the ground and he shut his eyes. 

Once you both were on air you yelled at him to open his eyes. He already felt the wind whipping past him, much like when he runs at Full Cowl, and he decided to listen to you. His eyes slowly opened, and he got a glimpse of what he missed. 

You both flew over buildings, you laughing at the need to release air from the thrilling feeling of nostalgia. He too joined in and found himself yelling about how fun and cool this was! You then put your third pair to use and flapped it faster, going quicker through the wind. 

“W-What are you doi-WAAAH” he let out a scream when you did a loop in the air. You were giggling and he was still shaking, “You okay?” You asked through sweet laughter and he shakily nodded

He was too silent compared to just a little bit ago so you decided to head back. Finishing the circle you went in, you placed him back on his feet as he ran to grab the railing. You were profusely apologizing to him for taking him on a flying session, He didn’t take it though, explaining how he loved most of it, never scared to be dropped as he fully trusted in you.

This of course left you blushing even after the date. He trusted you that much? I mean, you did too but you didn’t think he’d feel the same way as quick. He suggested going on another date similar to this one. Soon, he said, and you couldn’t wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a week later when he asked you out again. You were surprised when he said you were going to the same place you went last week. You agreed despite not knowing why he would want to go back and followed him there.

On the walk there you almost asked why but decided to find out later, on the count of his adorable face gleaming in excitement. You smiled and followed behind, trying to catch up with his quick steps there.

Once you arrived at the top of the building again, you noticed him relax as much as you, before lighting up in excitement. “Let’s fly!” he suggested, grabbing a hold of you hands and nearing you to the edge

“Woah woah, slow down! I don’t know what’s gotten into you but you seem more excited today, may I ask why?” You said, holding him back with a light tug

He chuckled as pink tinted his cheeks. Scratching the back of his neck he said, “I had a surprise for you that I was gonna show once we were in the air. I asked Uraraka to use her quirk on me so I weigh as much as my clothes now! S-So it’s easier for you to fly with me around!” 

You swear your heart melted like a stick of butter, “Aww Izuku you are so adorable” You said and pinched his cheeks, before going to kiss one. He was a mumbling mess before you held hid hands once again, flapping your middle pair of wings, you lifted yourself off the ground, taking Midoriya up with you soon after. 

You wrapped your arms around his torso to balance him, making sure the wind doesn’t push him back. You pressed him to your chest, pecking his neck before going off the edge and flying over the streets and buildings. You began to soar the the sky, going at a more relaxed speed than last week’s. 

He felt more relaxed too, now being able to breathe the calming air you talked about. He wondered what you looked like right now. Before he could think, the words left his mouth, “Can you turn me around, I wanna look at you” 

And also before he could say anything to take it back, you turned him around with ease, his chest pressing against yours. “I didn’t think you would actually do it” he mumbled

“Why not, I wanted to look at you too” You said the him, your eyes flashed down to his lips and looked back to where you were flying. That did not go unnoticed by him with how close he was and his eyes went to your lips. They looked soft, he wanted to feel them against this. Did you want that too? He saw somewhere that looking at someones lips meant you wanted to kiss them. 

Slowly, he brought his head up and his lips gently met yours. His eyes were closed but he could feel the slight falter of your flying. He then felt you go upright instead of the tilt you had when you moved around. You kissed back with more fervor, causing him to press harder. His arms went around your neck and your arms held him tighter around his torso.

Soon enough you both pulled away and with a giggle, the only thing you could say to his red face was, “That’s a pretty cool way to have a first kiss”

[capsironunderoos]

The Four Times Buck Asks to Help and the One Time She Lets Him

Evan Buckley X Reader

Summary: Buck gets new neighbors, and he’s not used to having someone refuse his help.

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: ABUSE!!! Physical abuse!!! Also death. If these things bother you please don’t read this!

Author’s Note: I got this idea after watching season two and seeing Maddie’s story. The reader is involved in a very physically abusive relationship, so again, if that bothers you please don’t read this. I plan on writing many more Buck stories soon, so don’t worry about missing out on content for our sweet boy. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or those around you if you need help!

Masterlist

The First Time

Buck hasn’t really left his apartment since the tsunami. 

He can’t bring himself to do anything besides move from his couch to the bar in his kitchen. 

To him, life without fighting fires, saving lives, isn’t a life at all. 

Everything seems empty to him, a shell that holds him down and reminds him of everything he is not. His apartment may as well have come straight from an open house showing. There is nothing of him here, he hasn’t had time to make it his and so it sits empty, hollow, mocking the spot in the middle of his chest that has been vacant for awhile now. 

There was a time when it was full, and it was when he was seated at the table in Station 118, eating whatever Bobby had cooked up, joking with Hen and Chimney about whatever mess was going on in their lives. 

He had even gotten so lucky as to have met Eddie, who brought Christopher into his life, and their presence filled him so that he was sure to overflow with the love he had for them. 

He shakes his head at the thought, sitting quietly on a stool at the bar in his kitchen. 

The sun lets itself in, seeping into his apartment without warrant and landing on his skin. 

He hears a siren in the background and laughs, but it’s bitter and laced with hate, both for himself and for the world going on outside without him. 

He takes another swig of the beer in his hands and starts to begin his journey back to the couch when he hears a knock at the door. He’s hesitant to answer, not wanting to see Maddie today, or any of his friends. He loves them, but he doesn’t want their pity, not today, not right now. 

He walks over and slowly opens the door, surprised to see Eddie waltzing past him with Christopher in tow. 

“I’ve got a morning snack, an afternoon snack, and twenty bucks for pizza for lunch,” Eddie chirps as he sits Christopher’s bag down on the counter. 

Christopher has already found his spot on the coffee table in front of the tv. Buck stands in disbelief. 

“Eddie… what…” 

Eddie smiles at him before walking over and resting his hand on his shoulder. 

“Look brother I know you’ve got it rough right now, but you not being able to work is probably the best thing that could be happening to me. You’re really helping me out.” 

“Eddie I lost him. How am I gonna take care of him?” Buck asks, tears pricking his eyes as he thinks back to the tsunami. 

“What? You think because you failed him one time you aren’t capable? Buck, I fail him everyday and I’m his father. You know there’s no one I trust more than you to leave him with right now.” 

Buck searches Eddie’s eyes as he stands across from him in his kitchen, soul bared and heart open. Buck sees no sign of lying, or anger. 

A smile works it’s way onto his face and he pulls Eddie into a tight hug. Eddie squeezes him just as hard and pulls away, glancing over at Christopher before making his way to the door. 

“Oh hey, before I go, I think you’re getting a new neighbor.” 

And with that, Eddie is gone, running off to his shift at the station. Buck wants to chase after him, go running into danger with his family again, but Eddie takes that dream out of the door with him. 

Buck pauses for a minute and decides to see if Eddie was just fooling him into stepping out of his apartment or if he’s really getting neighbors. 

He clears his throat and opens the door, hand holding the handle as he leans into the hallway, feet still lingering in his apartment. 

Eddie wasn’t joking, boxes marked with sharpie are sitting in the hallway, and the door is propped open to allow warm light to seep into the flourescent-lit hallway. He hears footsteps and starts to retreat back into his comfort zone, but he stops when he sees you. 

Your hair frames your face just right, and the sun does wonders for the soft smile lacing your lips. A white sweater rests against your skin, and it makes you glow. Buck thinks to himself that he’s seeing an angel, here in Los Angeles, living next door to him, existing in order to remind him that not all things are terrible all the time. 

You feel him staring and look his way, a polite smile of acknowledgement is sent his way and before ehe can stop himself he’s walking over to you. 

“New here?” He asks and wants to slap himself across the face. 

How did you figure that one out, he thinks to himself, the millions of moving boxes in the hallway? 

You laugh at his question and nod. 

“Sort of. Just relocating, looking for a fresh start.” 

He nods, understanding the feeling of needing something new. 

He watches you struggle to lift a box labeled “work things” and he jumps into action. 

“Here, let me help you with that.” 

You glance at the door to your apartment and back to him, grasping onto the box with white knuckles. 

“I-“ 

“She’s got it covered, bud.” 

Buck shoots up straight at the sudden voice. 

A man has stepped out of your apartment and the mood in the hallway has shifted. You won’t look in his direction, nor in the direction of the man standing beside you now, arm draped across your waist. 

Buck’s blood boils at the sight, this man not even offering to help you move into your shared apartment. 

“You could offer to help and I wouldn’t have to.” Buck snaps in retaliation. 

Your head shoots up then, your eyes wide as they stare at Buck. It catches him off guard. 

“No, please baby I’ve got this. You go back to your work call. I told you I’d get us all moved in.” 

You speak quickly, hoping to smooth Buck’s words before they can reach your significant other’s ears. Your response does nothing for Buck, in fact it makes him more upset, but he watches it hit the man standing beside you as if it were a stack of bricks. 

He slowly nods, lips pursed as he sizes up Buck. 

“Listen man, if she needs help, that’s what I’m here for. We don’t need any help from the likes of you.” 

Buck glances at you, but he’s met with your eyes fixed on your shoelaces. 

He nods slowly and watches your boyfriend retreat into your apartment. You let out a shaky breath and look back up at Buck, offering a sad smile. 

“It was nice to meet you.” You say, and Buck nods. 

“Name’s Buck, and I’m right here if you need anything.” He says quietly and gestures over his shoulder. 

You nod and mouth thank you before disappearing into your apartment. 

The Second Time

It’s been a week since Buck has seen you and that hasn’t stopped him from thinking about you. 

It also hasn’t stopped him from leaving his apartment like clockwork, hoping to at least pass you in the hallway. 

He heard screaming and yelling the night he first met you, but he’s still unsure if it came from your apartment or the crazy neighbors upstairs. He thinks of Maddie when he thinks of you, but he quickly pushes that aside. He would not assume the worst, not yet. 

He’s tying his sneakers, getting ready to go for a run and clear his mind, get him out of his apartment, and hopefully out of his head. He’s cueing up his playlist as he makes his way outside, and as soon as he places his earbuds in his ears and looks up, he sees you. 

You’re unloading a small SUV, arms full of papers and a bag slung over your shoulder. You’re dressed up, professional clothes that sport colors he never thought a human being could pull off. Although here you are, beautiful. 

The thought makes him recoil for a second. 

You were not his and he couldn’t allow himself to think such things about you. Although, that doesn’t stop him from jogging over to where you struggle with another bag in the back of your car. 

You don’t hear him come up behind you, and when he says hey you jump, almost dropping everything you hold. 

“Oh my god I am so sorry. I should have approached that a lot differently. I should have approached you a lot differently. I’m so sorry.” 

You turn back away from him, shaking your head. 

“It’s fine.” You say softly, grabbing the bag you were reaching for and throwing it over your free shoulder, closing your car door and walking past him. 

Before you can get too far, and before he can register what a terrible idea it is, he grabs your shoulder, softly, but enough to stop you. You wince and shrug away from him, causing his eyebrows to furrow. 

“Will you please let go of me.” You whisper, eyes downcast and watery. 

The tremble in your voice snaps him into focus, and he feels like an idiot for thinking he could just grab you like that. 

“Listen I’m sorry. About that, about the other day. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble-“ Your head shoots up at that. 

“Trouble? You didn’t cause any trouble.” He nods and smiles softly. 

“Okay… Well the least I can do is help you carry this stuff up.” He glances to the stuff in your arms and sees your badge hanging on your shirt. 

“You’re a teacher?” He asks, and you nod. 

“I am, which means that I’ve handled thirty second graders today and I can handle carrying my bags up to my apartment.” Your cold tone catches him off guard, and he finds himself nodding as he watches you recede and enter the building. 

The Third Time

Buck finds himself at the 118 today. 

Not for work, he still hasn’t gotten his job back yet, but to see his friends, his family. Bobby invited him over for lunch with the promise of cooking whatever Buck picked out, and who could say no to that? 

So he finds himself now standing beside one of the trucks, talking to Chimney when he sees you entering the house. He’s surprised, and he can tell you are too when your eyes land on him and widen. 

You smile politely and he and Chimney walk over to you. 

“Hi, um, I’m (Y/N),” finally, a name. It suits you, pretty and soft. 

Chimney smiles and introduces himself. 

“Hey Buck,” you add after Chimney is done, and he glances between the two of you before quickly leaving. This is the first time you’ve said his name, and he can’t help the change in pace his heart makes at the sound of it rolling off your tongue. 

“Everything okay?” He asks, eyes searching yours. 

He notices the slightest trace of purple on the right side of your face, beside your eye, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d say you’d done a pretty good job of covering up a split lip with cherry red lipstick. It matches the long sleeve you wear, which is coincidentally covered with small cherries and is tucked into jeans. 

“Yeah everything is fine. I’m here to respond to a want ad?” Buck is confused now. 

“I thought you were a teacher?” This elicits a small laugh from you and his heart is beating so fast he knows you can see it through his button up shirt. 

“I am. Someone here is looking for after school help.” 

“That would be me,” Buck hears over his shoulder and looks to see Eddie walking towards the both of you. His smile is huge, genuine. He’s excited to see you, and Buck can’t blame him, he is too. 

“Buck here told me about you being a teacher and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to reach out.” He starts and you blush, cueing a wide smile to take over Buck’s face. 

“Oh, thank you. I love to teach, and I can’t wait to meet your son. Plus, I can really use an extra distraction right now.” 

“Tell me about it.” Eddie laughs your comment off, but Buck hangs on to every word leaving your lips. 

“Well, I’ll be honest with you. I don’t see a need for an interview and if you’ve passed the Buck-ground check then you’re good enough for me.” 

“Oh ha ha very funny,” Buck retaliates and you and Eddie laugh. Eddie shakes your hand and gives you details for your first meeting with Christopher before retreating back upstairs. 

“You good to get home? I can help you get a ride?” Buck asks after a beat of silence and you open your mouth to answer but someone else’s voice comes out. 

“Hey what’s taking so long?” 

Buck looks over your shoulder to see your boyfriend waltzing into the station, hands in his pockets and shoulders rolled back as if he owns the place. He sees you standing with Buck and a grimace etches itself onto his lips. 

“Buck. Thought I’d made myself clear, we don’t need your help.” He’s beside you now, hand wrapped around your arm at the crook of your elbow. Buck spares a glance there and he can tell you’re uncomfortable. His blood starts to boil and he starts to mouth of at him when he’s interrupted. 

“Actually I’m hiring her to tutor my son.” 

The three of you look up to see Eddie, Chim, Hen, and Bobby watching from upstairs. Your boyfriend nods, grip still tight on your arm. 

“Well thank you. We’ll be in touch.” At that, he turns around, pulling you with him. 

You risk a glance over your shoulder at Buck and your boyfriend quickly pulls you into his side, whispering in your ear as you leave the same way you came.

The Fourth Time

The sound of shattering glass wakes Buck up so suddenly that he has to catch himself in order to not fall off the couch. 

He’s disoriented for a minute, not remembering falling asleep there, but when he catches his bearings he hears screaming. He sits in the dark, listening to try and see where the sound is coming from. When another unidentified object hits the wall near his bed his heart sinks. 

The sound is coming from your apartment. 

He glances over at his clock and notes that it’s five in the morning. Another minute passes and everything has gone quiet again. 

Buck is conflicted, he doesn’t know if he should intervene and risk making things worse, or leave you to suffer in the hopes that he won’t make anything worse than it already is. He sits on his thoughts for a moment, collecting them, before he reaches a consensus. He thinks of Maddie, and how upset he would have been if her neighbors had known what Doug was doing to her and had done nothing to help. 

He jumps from his bed then, not even bothering to put on a shirt or shoes, walking down the stairs when he hears your door slam shut. He picks up his pace, but stops when he gets to his door. He listens, making sure that when he leaves he isn’t going to come face to face with your monster of a boyfriend. 

When he is at least relatively positive the coast is clear, he opens his door, slowly and as quietly as possible. He looks up and down the hallway before walking out of his apartment and closing the door behind him. 

When he reaches your door, he grows quiet again, listening. All he can hear is the sound of you crying. His heart breaks and he knocks quietly on the door. 

Your crying stops, and he hears shuffling and objects moving before your footsteps make their way to the door. 

When you fall silent on the other side of the door he isn’t sure if you’ll open the door. Honestly, he isn’t sure what he’ll do if you do open the door to him. 

Another moment passes by and he begins to retreat back to his bed when he hears the handle turning. He anxiously rocks on the balls of his feet as you crack open the door just enough for him to see the gash on your forehead and your tear-stained cheeks. 

“Buck please, now is not the time. I messed up and didn’t make breakfast right. Now please, go back to bed. I need to have this cleaned up before he gets back.” You whisper quickly, harshly and you move to close the door but he stops it, putting his hand in-between it and the door frame. 

“Please,” he aims to plead with you now, “let me help you. I can help get you out of this.” 

You shake your head as he talks and he sees that you’ve started crying again. 

“You can’t, you can’t possibly help me. I created this, this is my fault.” You whisper as you look up at him, eyes wide and vulnerable. 

He wants nothing more in the world than to throw open your door and pull you into his chest, shielding you from the world and protecting you from everything. 

“Please, (Y/N), I can help. I know people and-“ 

“No, no Buck, no one can know. He would lose his job and everything would be worse. Please, just leave me alone.” 

The fear and panic written across your face, or at least the parts of it he can see, cue him to drop his hands by his side. 

He stands in the hallway long after you’ve clicked the door to your apartment shut, the past minutes replaying in his head over and over. 

When he finally makes it back into his bed, sleep has eluded him. All he can see is the fear in your eyes and the only thing he can think about is the blinding rage that has overcome him. 

The Fifth Time

Buck had heard your boyfriend storm into your apartment just a few moments ago, knocking his train of thought completely off the rails. 

He’d been trying to figure out a way to tell the 118 that he was the new fire marshal, but he’d been sitting on his couch all afternoon, TV mumbling in the background, and he still had nothing. 

When he hears a loud thump from your apartment he shifts uncomfortably on his couch. 

He had talked to Chimney and Maddie a few days ago about you, not sure what else he could do and knowing that he couldn’t keep it to himself. 

Maddie had cried for you, begging Buck to introduce the two of you so she could try and be of some assistance, could maybe be the person she needed all those months ago. 

Buck tells her that you wouldn’t accept her help even if she got down on her knees and begged, and Maddie shakes her head. She understands, she’s been there. 

Chimney tells Buck he had felt uneasy when your boyfriend had walked into the station. 

“Yeah, try living next to him,” Buck responds to that and Chimney sighs. 

“That’s not helping right now Buck.” 

Buck asks Chimney if he noticed anything about you the day you came into the station, and he nods. 

“Yeah, she did a real good job of covering up that split lip but forgot about the purple bruise.” 

Buck nods this time, his suspicions having been confirmed. 

Maddie tells him he can’t call the cops and report their fighting, because it’ll only make things worse for you. As much as it pains him, Buck agrees. The last thing he wants to do is make things worse for you. 

“But, you could ask Athena to look into him, maybe he has something in his past that will make things easier for her to end it.” 

“Yeah but I don’t know his name. Neither of them have ever given it to me.” 

“Give Athena her name then, and see what she can dig up.” 

“Yeah, okay, that’s a good idea Maddie.” 

And he had given Athena your name, which had enabled her to find your boyfriend, and had also revealed a dead end. 

He didn’t have so much as a misdemeanor tainting his record, and neither did you. 

Another thump against the wall brings Buck out of his head and back into his apartment. 

There was truly nothing he could do, and even if, by some miracle, there was, he had a feeling you wouldn’t let him anyways. 

He turns up the TV, trying to focus on the news, deciding it’s best for the both of you if he just tunes you out. 

His heart pounds heavy against his chest, it’s not used to turning in the opposite direction when someone is in trouble. He has to ignore it, for now at least, until he can find another way to help before it’s too late. 

He stands then, shaking his head and making his way over to the fridge, grabbing a drink and opening it, starting to take a swig when he hears a scream. It’s blood curdling, and he wonders if any of his other neighbors hear it too. 

He sets his opened drink on the bar, moving to his door, opening it, and looking into the hallway. 

He doesn’t see anything, and he starts to think that his mind is just playing tricks on him now, replaying the past few times he’d heard you scream, mocking him. 

He goes to move and retrieve his drink, almost closing the door when he hears a loud sob and muffled scream. 

That’s it, he thinks. He doesn’t care that he might be making things worse, he’s getting you out of there. 

He storms over to your apartment, surprised that the door is unlocked. He opens it slowly and as quietly as possible, nervous as to what he may discover. 

Once he’s in, he sees an apartment that mirrors his. No personal touches, no decorations. The only thing he sees that even tells him someone lives there is your stack of papers, waiting to be graded, sitting on the kitchen table. 

He walks further into the apartment, over to the couch and still hasn’t found neither you nor your boyfriend. 

He hears shuffling upstairs and turns, making his way to the first step but stops when he hears labored breathing and soft crying. He looks up and his heart stops. 

You’re leaned against the wall at the top of the stairs, and you look like you’ve walked out of a horror movie. 

Your hands are covered in blood, and the right one holding you up is leaving angry red handprints on the white paint there. Your hair is loose and frizzy around your shoulders, and he sees the gash from last week has opened back up. 

You’re still in your work clothes, the honey yellow sweater and striped pants you wear ruined. You haven’t even taken your name tag off yet, and the picture of the smiling woman he sees there splits his heart in two. 

You’re still crying, taking shallow breaths and wobbling slightly on uneasy feet. 

He doesn’t know what to do. Are you covered in your blood? Your boyfriend’s? Should he run to you, or wait for you to move? 

His head is racing, each thought passing by him in a blur. 

“Buck?” You ask, looking at him in disbelief. He nods. 

“I’m- I’m sorry I had to. I had to.” You break down again and Buck throws caution to the wind, taking the steps two at a time to reach you. 

You won’t look at him, eyes overflowing with tears and staring at your red hands. 

He gently grabs your face, both of his large hands resting on either side of it and moving you to look up at him. 

“Hey listen, you have to tell me what happened. I can help you, if you want, but only if you tell me everything.” 

Your eyes are so clear as they search his face, and he can tell you’re trying to decide whether you should trust him or not. He thinks back then.\, to Maddie, finding her in the forest in a similar state. 

“I- I killed him, Buck.” You whisper finally, and Buck’s heart constricts. 

“Oh, oh god Buck I killed him!” You yell in realization and your knees give way, almost bringing you to the floor but Buck stops you before that happens. 

He sits down then, pulling you into his lap as you cling onto his shirt, red hands staining it. He holds your head to his chest and rests his chin on top of it. 

“Hey, I need to call 9-1-1 okay?” You nod, still sniffling into his chest. 

He pulls his phone from his pocket and types in the numbers, glancing over his shoulder to where you stepped out from. He sees him then, face first in the carpet, still bleeding out. A large kitchen knife has been thrown beside him and a trail of blood leads to where he now sits with you. 

He almost smiles at his luck when Maddie is the dispatcher on the other end of the phone, and he describes the situation to her. She dispatches Athena and the 118 to Buck’s location and they arrive on record time, Hen and Chimney making their way to you and your boyfriend. 

“Yeah he’s dead,” he hears Hen whisper to Chimney, who’s knelt beside where you and Buck sit. Buck moves you to sit up, and Chimney smiles warmly at you. 

“Hey sweetheart,” he starts, “I need to get a good look at you, okay?” 

You nod and try to stand up, but fall back into Buck’s lap, eyes rolling to the back of your head. 

Buck starts yelling your name and Chimney finds that you’d been stabbed in the leg and had been slowly bleeding. Buck curses at himself for not noticing it, and he hands you over to Hen and Chimney without hesitation. They work diligently to stop the bleeding until they can get you to the hospital. When they roll you out on the gurney Buck turns to Athena and Bobby, who watch him warily. 

“He was like that when I came in,” Buck states and Athena nods, making her way over to him and resting a hand on his shoulder. 

“This hits a little too close to home, doesn’t it?” Buck is hesitant when he nods. Athena pats his shoulder. 

“Take care of yourself.” She warns and he can’t help but smile in agreement. 

“Buck.” Bobby calls his name and he makes his way over to the Captain. 

“Go change your clothes and head to the hospital. It’ll be good for her to see a familiar face when she wakes up.” 

Buck nods and thanks Bobby, who shakes his head and ushers him out of the door.

--- 

Buck is sat in a chair beside your bed when you come to, and you frantically scramble as you try to sit up, panic stricken. Buck leans over and grabs your hand, making you look in his direction. 

“You’re okay. You lost a lot of blood back there but you’re gonna be okay.” 

You search his eyes, probably to determine if he’s lying or telling you the truth, and when you slowly sink back into the pillows on the hospital bed Buck knows you’ve decided he was telling the truth. 

You look up at the ceiling, eyes unblinking for a moment before speaking. 

“He’s gone, isn’t he?” You ask in a whisper and Buck notes you squeezing his hand as you wait for his answer. 

“Yeah, he is.” He responds and he watches as you begin to cry. 

“Hey, hey,” Buck coos, moving his chair closer to you and leaning over the hospital bed. His right hand moves to cup your face as his left hand still grasps yours. 

You look at him, eyes bloodshot and face red from crying. 

“He can’t hurt you anymore, got that? You did what you had to do.” 

You nod, slowly, accepting his words.

“I know, I know it’s just-“ 

Buck nods. You don’t have to finish that sentence for him to know what you’re feeling. Even if he had been your abuser, you’d just ended someone’s life. 

“Hey,” he says, and you look at him again. 

“Thank you for letting me help.” 

You smile softly, this time your left hand moves to run your fingers across his cheek and he can’t help himself from leaning into your touch. 

“Thank you for asking. Thank you for asking more than once. I wish I had let you help sooner.” You add, and Buck shakes his head. 

“You were protecting yourself. All that matters now is that he’s gone, and you have my help for as long as you need it.”

[feverinfeveroutfic]

chapter twenty-nine: somewhere upstate

The next day, Sam knocked on Bill's door during her lunch break. She figured that it was best to merely get it all out of the way before she moved onto the real important work, like her homework for her general classes and the suggestion that she and Belinda needed to make for leather crafting. Meanwhile, Belinda herself had told her to meet up with her and Marla right around then: she hoped that this meeting would remain quick and concise lest she miss a lunch hour with her best girl friends.

“Come on in,” he called out from behind the panel; and she opened the door to find that he had not a single leaf of paper or a book to find be found anywhere on the surface of his desk. He did however signed onto something on the page before him on his lap. He then raised his head for a look over at her.

“Miss Shelley!” he declared at the sight of her, and he gestured to the chair before the desk. “Have a seat.”

She took her purse off of her shoulder and rested it on her lap once she had sank down in that wobbly chair. She shuffled her feet underneath her and she peered all around her: it had been only one of a handful of times that she had gone into his office. The other times she had gone into there for an appointment it was to sign up for classes or check up on her grant, and thus her heart pounded at the thought of something possibly serious happening there in the office.

“So what'd you want me to do for the senior project?” she began.

“Well, I figure that since—you're doing excellent in your classes,” he started, and he tucked the page away in his drawer in front of him, “that you could have a little sneak peek into it. I think it can genuinely get you ahead of the curve of everyone else.”

Sam shifted her weight in her seat. This had come onto her so fast that it almost felt like a betrayal of everything that she had worked for, and it also made her realize that school was about to end soon: another year and she would be out on her own as far as she knew, and she wondered what on earth she could do with an art degree besides working at a record label, where she kept her art closeted away from the world and those curious about it. But then again, Bill was her counselor: he helped out with signing up for new classes prior to the new quarter each and every time like clockwork: she never really put too much thought into it, either. Always a pop in and then she was out with a brand new schedule in a manner of five or ten minutes.

But perhaps he had some insight into it all at the end when the time came for her to walk across that stage.

“When do you think we can do it?” she asked him in a low voice.

“Well, I'm thinking that—since this is your junior year—” He pointed his finger down at the desk's surface, and she spotted a big fat golden ring on his pinky finger, something she had never seen before her in life. “—it won't be until next summer, the summer prior to your senior year. And I found out that it's next August.”

“Oh, wow. So plenty of time to figure it out.”

“Absolutely, absolutely. There's just one tiny little drawback, though.”

“What's that?”

Bill cleared his throat.

“I'm gonna need you to come with me out to California for it,” he said in a low voice, to which she frowned at that.

“With you?”

“Yes. Because I'm your counselor and also the driving force behind it.”

“And we have to actually go out to California, too?” she demanded, stunned. “Like—actually have to pick up everything and move to a new coast?”

“Yes. How long, I don't know. But it's part of the project, though.”

Sam let out a long low whistle. On one hand, it made sense to her. She had been wanting a change of pace and a break away from the tedium of going to school and checking in at work every other week. But then again, she had pitched a tent in New York City. This was her home, the place to call her own. To leave now would be insanity, and so soon after she had moved into the new apartment in Hell's Kitchen with Marla.

“Is—there a problem?” he gingerly asked her.

“Well—see, I just moved to a new place, not even a couple of months ago. I'm also just getting settled in, too. I would have to pick up again and take Marla with me.”

“Marla's got her own thing to deal with—this is between you and me, though. You are my star student and potentially a great artist who can be seen for centuries, Miss Shelley.” Sam squirmed in her seat when she thought about how closeted her art truly was in comparison to what Bill had seen in the past. As far as she knew, he only saw that one journal she had made in order to get into the school, thus it felt so sudden and so quick as well.

“Again, it's a ways off,” he continued, “but it's definitely something that I wish to do. With you. You have the Midas' touch, Miss Shelley. Whenever I speak with Miss Estes, she always praises you. And thus, I would love to work with you some day.”

She swallowed and nodded her head. At least she could trust the word of one of her long time teachers, and the one who organized the nude drawing of Cliff in the year before, too. But at the same time, something about the whole thing made her squirm in her seat. Maybe it was the lack of anything important on his desk or the huge ring on his finger never seen before, but something didn't feel right. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

“Tell you what,” he started again as he folded his hands over the overly clean surface of the desk, “I will sit in with you in one of your classes this semester—and I will make observations. And if you are fit enough for it, we can talk more about it. Because you don't look very comfortable right now, and I want you to be comfortable.”

She thought of all the things she had said to Joey before, all about him being comfortable. But at the same time once more, she had to trust him and take his word for it.

“When do you plan on doing that?” she asked him.

“What, sitting in?”

“Yeah.”

“I'm thinking closer to Halloween or somewhere around then. You know, so you're in the midst of it.”

“You're not gonna tell me what date, though, are you?”

“I want it to be a surprise,” he insisted, and that coaxed a chuckle out of her, albeit a nervous one; but he never changed his expression once for her. “But I will in fact do it, though.”

“Okay. So—I'll be on the lookout for you?”

“Now, now, you do that, you put yourself up for scrutiny and you hinder yourself all the while. I want to see you free flowing in your creativity. I want to see you in your element.”

She then sighed through her nose and relaxed her shoulders a bit, which she realized she had been hunching that whole time. She shifted her weight again, that time to relieve the pressure on her back.

“But I'll still be ready for you, though,” she insisted.

“Of course! I look forward to it, Miss Shelley.” He extended his hand for her and she took it for herself: his grip was rather lax, but not limp like a floating fish; thus it made her feel as though she was the one too strong. They stood their feet in unison and she turned a bit towards his desk: she spotted a framed photograph tucked away right behind him, one she had never seen before of two young girls, one with rich black hair and one with towheaded blonde hair.

“Never seen that picture before,” she pointed out, and he turned around to it.

“Oh, yeah! Those are my daughters—Matilda and Cassandra. Mattie and Cassie, if you will.”

She paused for a second.

“Wait, I didn't know you had kids,” she pointed out, to which he shrugged.

“They—kind of have a life of their own with their birth mother. I haven't been able to see them since they were born.”

“Oh, I see.”

“I just have this picture of them, but sometimes it's—a little hard to look at. So I always make sure to sit in front of it because—it can—it can hurt at times.”

She tilted her head to the side. Maybe she was wrong about him, especially if the despondent look upon his face was anything to go by.

“Where do they live?” she asked him.

“Out in California, believe it or not. Los Angeles area—and your neck of the woods believe it or not. Around Lake Elsinore.”

“Wow!” She raised her eyebrows at him. “Wouldn't it be something if you got to see them again, though? You know, during the project?”

“Yeah,” he softly said, and the look of despondency turned into one of thoughtfulness, “yeah, it definitely would be something.” He fell silent for a moment, and then he cleared his throat. “Well, I have a couple more people to talk to and a phone call I have to make.”

“Okay—I'm supposed to be meeting Marla and Belinda for lunch right now.”

“Say 'hi' to those two girls for me,” he called after her as she left the office.

She kept the whole thing in mind for the rest of the day, and in turn for the rest of the week until she remembered that she and Joey would have the weekend all to themselves. On that Friday afternoon, and when Marla still had one more class left to her helm, she took her seat on the couch right before the coffee table and in front of the usual spot Genie liked to lay on. She leaned back against the cushions and she wondered what exactly he had in mind for those next two days.

She gazed on at that vase on the table, the one that held those yellow tulips. To think that she and Belinda had crafted a series of tulips on Alex's new leather strap. It felt like something right out of a dream, or something that felt like a pure coincidence on Belinda's part. She probably didn't even mean to engrave tulips, however, it felt so obvious to Sam.

She lifted her attention to the shelf on the side of the room, where Marla had put the other square black and white box for the time being.

Inside of that box was that guitar strap that she and Belinda had made for him for his birthday. On the thirteenth, not the next Tuesday but the Tuesday after that, he would turn twenty seven, and the day after Columbus Day no less. Such a strange, faraway number to be, as if life was about to start and end at the same time, and following the date of the man who sailed the ocean blue and pitched a tent on the land of the Indians. The world of the Indians, left to their own whim against him.

She wondered if he would have the same reaction to the guitar strap as Alex did. There was so much she still hadn't figured out with Joey yet, and there behind him stood a whole other world, one that awaited her touch and her artistry. She could bring him to life through her own imagination, but then again, there had to be something more to him. She could guess all that she wanted with her own mind and by the stroke of her own pencil and her black inks.

There stood before her a real man with a full life story, almost twenty seven years worth of it, and she had merely uncovered a small sliver of it. He had a story to tell and one that she was willing to crawl upon for herself. One that she wanted to bring to life through her art.

Sam closed her eyes and thought of Joey himself. Those black curls as they swirled and waved behind his head like the tentacles of an octopus. His slender body wrapped in silken black leather and his large drummer hands tucked into those pockets against the cold bitter winds from the black waters of Lake Ontario. The man was art to her, art and a story that needed to be told to the rest of the world.

Sam was shaken out from her trance by a continuous knock on the door panel. She scrambled to her feet and she threw it open, and there before her stood Joey himself in those snug dark jeans and those black Chuck Taylors tied tight on his feet. His black curls were brushed right behind his head: they glistened under the soft hazy sunlight out there beyond the apartment building. She almost expected to find a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a corsage in lieu of that silver bracelet on his wrist.

“Hi,” she greeted him, and he leaned forward for the kiss on the side of her neck.

“Hi,” he returned the favor, complete with a warm welcoming smile on his face. His brown eyes shone with life and his dark skin was smooth and healthy.

“Oh, my god, you look excellent,” she remarked to him. “Like, healthy.”

“It's what I get for abstaining from the booze for the past few weeks,” he told her. “I'm not even gonna touch it again.”

“Good! That's excellent, Joey.” He then strode into the apartment and ran his fingers through his black curls. “Just realized this is only the second time I've come to your new place. I mention this 'cause it actually took me a little bit to figure out, but—”

“Here you are,” she declared as she gestured for him to have a seat on the couch next to her, and he did just that: he spread his legs a little bit to ease the tightness of his jeans on the upper part of his thighs.

“Now, mind you—this is the last weekend I'm gonna be able to spend time with you,” he told her. “On Sunday night, I gotta get on the next red eye and fly up to Oslo from Syracuse.”

“Oslo! For the European stint of the tour, I presume.”

“Yup, going all the way to Christmas and the girls—the Cherry Suicides—are gonna be with us, too. I guess Metallica is gonna be out there with us, too, at some point. Just not sure when. Charlie knows about it more than I do. And I will say this, though: I'm gonna spend my birthday in Germany, too.”

“Lucky you,” she remarked with a smirk on her face. “Would you like something to eat or drink before we go upstate?”

“Actually I was thinkin' of spending the night here tonight if you and Marla don't mind,” he confessed. “I was gonna tell ya at Alex's birthday party the other day but y'know—there was like no time to do it.”

“Right, right. Well, she's still at school but when she gets home, we can run it by her together.” She then cleared her throat. “Well, seeing as you're gonna be in a far away place for the next bunch of weeks, I might as well give you your birthday present.”

“Oh, boy!” he said with an excited clap of the hands. Sam then turned to the shelf, and took the box off of there, and handed it to him.

“Happy unbirthday,” she told him, and he couldn't resist the chuckle at that. Unlike Alex's neat unraveling, Joey peeled back the paper at the corner of the box like a banana peel and revealed the cardboard interior. Eager, he took off the lid and he raised his eyebrows at what was inside there.

“A belt?” he asked her.

“Guitar strap. When Bel and I were making the one for Alex, we made one for you right next to it.”

“Oh my god,” he breathed out as he lifted the strap right out from its hiding place and set the box off to the side, right on the cushion next to him. His brown eyes caressed over those colorful engravings like a young boy at Christmas.

“First thing I'm doin' when we go back to Camillus is putting this right onto my guitar,” he vowed to her. “This is just—this is beyond beautiful.”

Sam took two steps towards him with her arms wide open and he held her close right there.

She then held back for a better look back at him.

“By the way, I've been meaning to ask you this,” she started, and he gazed up at her with a look of interest on his face, “—why did you pick up a guitar from Dave, but not from Alex? As far as I know and as far as you know, Dave isn't the one who took lessons from Joe Satriani.” And at the drop of the hat, his expression hardened at the sound of Alex's name.

“'Cause Dave doesn't wave it in my face all the time,” he grumbled.

“What do you mean?” she asked with a shake of her head.

“You know, that time when Alex and I got in that scuffle? Like, right before that happened, literally every other word out of his mouth was 'Satriani this' and 'Satriani that' and it got on my nerves so fast.”

“Well, maybe he was just proud of it,” she pointed out. “Maybe he was trying to give himself credibility. I know I would've done the exact same.”

Joey rolled his eyes and shook his head at that. The wound was still very much raw with him, but she didn't want Joey to take her upstate and then have him leave for Europe on a sour note like what happened with Cliff.

Within time, Marla returned to the apartment with a mountain of homework on her end, which left Sam and Joey to their own devices for the night. She was overjoyed when he talked about spending the night with them before he took Sam back upstate with him for a day. She thought about his guitar back at his place, and also if there really was something more to him.

She gazed on at him from the side of the kitchen table as they ate their dinner, right at his side profile, and she thought of the drawing in her journal. More to that man than she had ever believed before. More to the world behind those deep brown irises: that venom originated from somewhere on the earth.

Genie slunk into the room with her tail erect straight from her body and she rubbed on Joey's legs. He reached down so as to stroke the top of her head and she squinted her golden eyes at the feeling of his fingers on her soft black fur. Sam took a glimpse up at the warm little smile on his face as Genie slunk around his ankles and bumped her head right under his knee: all the while, she gave him a loud, contented purr. So much more to this man than she had originally believed before.

After dinner, he helped her and Marla clear the table, and the latter went back into her room to prepare her essay for a class.

“It's only five hundred words, though,” she assured them.

“Five hundred words?” Joey echoed her as he refilled his glass of water from the pitcher in the fridge. “Wish I could write that much, to be perfectly honest.”

“Yeah, you can do it, Marla,” Sam encouraged her. Marla then showed her a smile and she doubled back into her bedroom: she left the door slightly ajar in any which case of them needing her for something, or if Genie wanted to join her in there. Meanwhile, Joey drank down his water in four large gulps and then he turned to Sam with a twinkle in his eye.

“Wanna get some ice cream?” he offered her in a low voice.

“Ice cream?” She gaped at him. “It's kinda late, though, don't ya think?”

“Not at all,” he replied, still with his voice low. “The first time Anthrax went overseas with Metallica and Metal Church we ate ice cream all the time. Well, Danny and I did. We'd go to some place in West Germany and just chow down on the lush ice cream they had there for us.”

“And it is Friday, too,” she pointed out.

“It is Friday, and I'm leaving Sunday night, too. Yeah, let's take a walk down the block. You and me.”

Sam was about to take her purse off of the hook when Joey stopped her right in her tracks.

“No, no—I'll pay this time.”

“Hey, you've actually got money now!” she proclaimed as she fixed her dark hair.

“Hell yeah, I do. It's only gonna get even better with time, too.” He gave her a wink and then he led her outside to the cool, overcast evening. A gentle breeze was blowing through the apartment complexes surrounding them there in Hell's Kitchen: indeed, up the block stood an ice cream parlor, still open just for them.

“You know those songs that Scott left behind for us?” he recalled over the noise of the street. “The ones Charlie shared with us during the auditions?”

“Oh, yeah. Vaguely.”

“During the birthday party, he told me to go ahead and put those down on the new album.”

“You guys are already working on a new album?” she asked him with a bit of glee.

“Yeah, we kinda haveta,” he replied as he moved closer to her on the sidewalk. “Right before Alex left to go upstate, Jon told us that Among the Living is going crazy on the charts right now. We're kinda superstars now, Sam.”

“Pretty soon, you'll do a collaboration with Madonna and Prince!” she joked, and he laughed at that.

“I dunno 'bout Madonna, but Prince would be rad as all hell, though.”

Soon, they reached the ice cream shop and he held the door for her. It was the first time Sam had gone into this place as well, and thus the smell of chocolate and fresh sprinkles welcomed her as if it welcome her home. Joey offered to buy the two of them two large cups of chocolate and vanilla ice cream: him with the rainbow jimmies on top, and her with the big fat chocolate caps.

“Some day we'll have all the ice cream at our every whim,” he promised her as he raised his cup to her, and she clinked the edge of hers against it for a toast. They both dug into their ice cream in unison. Rich and creamy and velvety against her tongue, and the chocolate was perfectly hand in hand with the vanilla and the chips on top.

“Not just all the ice cream in the world but the chocolate as well,” she told him as they stood outside on the sidewalk together. They proceeded to walk on back to the apartment; before they reached the corner, Joey cleared his throat.

“Can I ask you sump'n? Seeing as you're officially my girlfriend now.”

“Sure,” she replied, and then she took another bite. She also realized that, if the project Bill wanted her to do took place out in California, she would have to leave Joey behind, and the very thought of that made her heart sink a little bit. For all she knew, this may have been one of the last times she could walk with him to her apartment together, between his tour and her knee deep in schoolwork.

“Never mind, I'll tell ya later,” he quipped with a wave of his hand. He kept on eating his ice cream all the way until they reached the building a block away from the harbor. She unlocked the door for him and they made their way inside. At that point, it was nearly ten o'clock, but the look of fatigue on his face told Sam that he was ready for bed.

“I'll just crash on the couch,” he told her as he scraped the last bites of ice cream and rainbow sprinkle from the bottom of his cup.

“You sure? My bed's real comfy.” He snickered at that, but he was adamant about it. Once he finished his ice cream, he took his seat on the couch and untied his Chucks. Sam realized he was serious as she finished her ice cream soon enough. She fetched him a blanket and a pillow out from the hall closet, and he stretched out across the couch with his feet up to the opposite arm. She tucked the pillow beneath his head of black curls and he pulled the soft fleece blanket up to his chin.

“You comfy?” she asked him in a gentle voice.

“Yeah.” He snuggled down into the cushions and he showed her a warm little smile. “This is a comfy couch, Sam I am.”

“Zelda slept her when we were all over in England,” she told him. “When Marla, Bel, and I got home, she was out like a light.”

“Wow. Gonna look forward to seein' her again. Her and those three badass chicks.”

“Bring me home something, too, if you can,” she suggested him.

“No need to tell me,” he assured her. “I already have sump'n in mind for ya.” He flashed her another wink which he then followed with a little grin.

“Good night, Joey,” she told him.

“G'night, Sam,” he replied back. She stood to her feet and made her way over to the lamp. She knew Marla was still up but she needed to give Joey his darkness; thus she switched it off for him. Using the light from Marla's bedroom at the far end of the hall, she crept on back to her own room.

“Sam?” Joey started out of the blue.

“Hm?” She froze right in place.

“Can I ask you sump'n?”

“Sure.” She could make out the outline of the couch as well as the sides of his face and his black curls. “Seeing as you didn't on the walk home...” She knelt down before the couch, right in front of his face.

“How would you feel if I asked you for a kiss good night?” he asked her in a near whisper. “Y'know, seeing as Marla's not gonna bother us at all.”

“I'd love to give you a kiss good night,” she confessed, and without another moment's hesitation, she leaned into his face and pressed her lips onto those smooth dark ones. As smooth as silk, as decadent as the very chocolate she had eaten in the few moments prior to then, as cool and sweet as the very ice cream they had eaten up.

“Good night, Joey,” she told him right into his face.

“C'mon, gotta do better than that,” he insisted. She gave her hair a toss back and she leaned into his face once more, that time for a bigger heartier, longer kiss on the lips. She held there for a few seconds before she rested her hands on either side of his face: his skin was soft and healthy to the touch. He let out a soft groan from his throat at the feeling.

“Not with Marla in the next room,” she whispered to him.

“Damn it. Okay.”

She gave him another kiss before she ran her fingers through the black curls upon his head out of affection. She headed back to her room for the rest of the night: once she walked in through the door, the fatigue settled over her as well. It wasn't that late and yet she felt ready for bed herself.

She was quick to undress and change into her camisole and her pajama shorts, and then she strode across the hall in order to brush her teeth. Even with the tooth brush and the spearmint, she could still taste Joey on her lips. Even as she crawled into bed and switched off her light, she could still taste him there.

Sam lay her head down on the pillow and closed her eyes. The mysterious man in her dreams lay down next to her there in bed, with his head propped up in the palm of his hand and his eyes fixed on her. His body was a lot more shapely than she had originally imagined him to be, especially when held next to the darkness of her room.

“So much is happening right now,” he whispered to her.

“Too much is happening right now,” she confessed.

“It's alright, though—just don't erase me is all I ask of you.” She rolled her head over the surface of the pillow for a look into his eyes but he vanished into the thin air of sleep. She drifted into a dreamless realm and she awoke to the sound of Marla laughing at something in the next room.

Sam was quick to crawl out of bed, and she made her way into the living room to find Joey had fallen off of the couch and Genie lay down on the small of his back.

“Oh, dear,” Sam declared. Joey then lifted his head from the carpet and he stared up at her and Marla with the sleep still very much riddled in his eyes.

“I almost don't even wanna get up,” he admitted to them, but Marla stooped down and picked Genie off of him, and held her close to her chest. It was still early, given the gray light from the rising sun filtered through the filmy curtains on the far side of the room and Joey was still rather sleepy as he rolled over onto his back. But he glanced up at Sam with an eager expression on his face.

“Want me to get dressed?” she asked him, to which he quickly nodded his head.

“And would you like me to take my drawing stuff with me?” she offered him.

“Please!” he insisted with a gesture of his hand.

Within time, and after a cup of coffee all around and hugs from Marla, Sam had dressed and she and Joey headed out the door to his car parked down the block. The rain fell all around them as he led her to the passenger side.

“Don't ask me why but the lock on the driver's side started malfunctioning,” he told her as he unlocked the car. “I can only unlock it from the passenger's side.”

“Huh.” But Sam climbed into the seat and she shut the door behind her. He then climbed into the driver's seat and fired up the car.

Soon he found the way to the freeway out of New York City and onward to the upstate region. The clouds hung low over them with the impending autumnal darkness, but Sam was more than happy to be next to Joey once again. The skyline fell away from them within time and they were met with the open road and the vast stretches of multicolored forest. All manner of red and orange all around them: fall had made its way to the Northeast and in such colorful fashion to boot.

“One of these days,” he began as he took the turn off to Monticello, “and by one of these days, I mean when we get home from Europe—we're takin' you and the girls to go see Iron Maiden. Go see 'em for real.”

“Like actually genuinely for real?” she asked him, to which he nodded right at her for a few seconds.

“Hell yeah, gotta see the Maiden. I guess Zelda really wants to see 'em. I also got sump'n to show ya when we get to the house. You're gonna love it, too.”

The rain continued to fall all around them, even as the sun poked its head out from behind the vast stretch of cloud cover over them. Joey squinted his eyes against the bright glare against the soaked pavement before them.

“Hand me my sunglasses for me, please and thank you,” he told her. “They're in the glove box.”

She took those big mirrored sunglasses out of hiding for him, and he unfolded them with just two fingers before he slipped them on over his big brown eyes. He was silent the whole way up towards the halfway point of Binghamton, but Sam kept her eyes on those dark lips, especially since they were from the side at that point. She thought about the drawing in her journal, the same journal upon her lap as well as the one she handed in to Bill for a place into the school. Joey from the side, with that straight Roman nose and those soft little dark lips.

She still had yet to draw him out again for a stained glass drawing, and she hoped that she could do it for him by the time they reached his place in Camillus.

By the time they reached the heart of Binghamton and the stoplight at the center of it all, the rain stopped for a moment, but Sam knew more awaited them up ahead. But the sun poked out once again over them as if it welcomed them back home. Joey peered over his sunglasses to the meters behind the steering wheel. Sam peered out the window and she recognized that other head of soft black curls. She recognized that little plume of silver over the crown of his head, even from clear across the street and through the small rivers on the outside of the windows. That little plume stood up high and bright like a little bit of genuine silver in the crisp sunlight.

“Oh, hey, there's Alex,” she muttered: two older people stood before him. They looked to be in line for something. “Alex with his parents.”

“He's a freak,” Joey remarked without looking over to them.

“Who? Alex?”

“Yeah.”

“How so?”

“He's just a freak.”

“Joey,” Sam scoffed.

“What?” He frowned at her from behind the mirrored sunglasses. She stared on at her own reflection in those two lenses.

“He's a good boy and a nice kid,” she insisted. “Yeah, he's a little bit precocious but I can tell you that he's a good kid, though.”

Joey never said anything as he took his foot off of the brake, and they lunged forward along the main artery of the town. Soon, they returned to the highway and made their way forth towards Camillus. The clouds gathered over them and blanketed the sun once more: the rain returned with a vengeance. Joey flicked on the windshield wipers to full force so those little rivulets would stay at bay. Nothing like the monsoon flow out in the California desert, but still something strong enough for him to slow to a crawl at one point.

Sam recognized the Syracuse skyline up ahead, but Joey took another turn off to that little town in question.

“Jesus, this is a lot of rain,” he remarked as he bowed his head and kept his eye on the gages. “I don't think it's ever rained this much in one sitting before here.”

“Remember that one time I came up here?” Sam recalled. “Like last year or something? Same thing happened there.”

“That was a lot of rain in and of itself,” he said with a nod of his head. “But this is like twice that, though. Look at that! I can't hardly see the yellow line between us.”

“Wanna stop?” she suggested to him.

“Nah, I see the signs up ahead,” he assured her. “Thank you, though. If we were closer to Binghamton or even the City, I might'a pulled over.”

They almost crawled back to his apartment, which felt so alien and out of place against the sheer amount of rain all around them. Sam kept her head bowed and her journal tucked under her jacket as she and Joey scurried back to his place. He still had his sunglasses on as he took his keys out of his pocket.

“You got it?” she asked him over the roar of the rain.

“Oh, yeah.”

He almost fumbled the keys but he unlocked the front door. They almost stumbled into the front part of the warm, dry apartment. He was quick to take off his sunglasses and wipe his face with the palm of his hand. Sam shut the door behind her and shook her damp head about.

“Anyways, I gotta show this to ya,” he told her as he gestured over to the kitchen. There on the shiny clean linoleum floor in between the oven and the table there stood a little drum kit, complete with a series of cymbals and a small kick drum with a black head on the front side.

“Mr. Drummer!” she exclaimed, and without sparing another second, he rounded the side of the kit, and took to the stool, and picked up a pair of drum sticks. He had wedged it in such a tight space that she worried about him hitting his knee on the corner of something.

“Lemme show ya how we do things here in upstate,” he said in a loud voice, loud enough for her to hear over the roar of the rain. He clicked his drum sticks together and then made a drum roll for her on his snare first. Then he turned to his biggest splash cymbal. He proceeded on a quick drum line that almost sounded as though Charlie was drumming before her. Joey hardly moved his arms but his feet seemed to bounce on the kick drum.

“One of these days,” he shouted over his own racket, and he hit the splash cymbal once again. He let the reverb of it dissipate before he spoke again. “One of these days—I'm gonna sing while I drum.”

“Go for it, Joseph!” she shouted back to him and he laughed before he hit the cymbal once more. It was as if she had opened up something new with him. Something new and something that she needed to bring to life through art. The tight way in which he moved and the way it was so effortless with him left her in awe, and it left her fingers tingling, itching to draw something for him and only for him.