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bambi-kinos · 3 months

Note

I just came across your analysis of However Absurd and thought it was lovely. I'm curious, as someone who thinks John and Paul had some kind of romantic or sexual relationship, what is your take on The Lovers That Never Were? Is he using the word "lovers" to mean "partners"? I have always interpreted it to mean that Paul knows there was something there but it never happened. Every time I start to be convinced that they were together in some way I think of this song and the devastating way Paul sings it in the demo and the heartbreaking fact that he still felt it that intensely 13 years after John's death.

Oh wow thank you! The server had a lot of fun discussing that, if it's good it's because I had a little help from my friends heheh (─‿‿─) ♡

I ended up writing a massive novel in response to all this so I hope you enjoy reading it heheh. For server members, I've pulled some quotes from my previous Discord essays on this topic so you'll see some stuff that you've read.

tl;dr - I don't think "The Lovers That Never Were" contradicts the secret relationship theory at all! I think it compliments it very well actually.

In order to get into All That, I will outline how I perceive what their relationship was built on and how they reacted to it. I should note that I don't consider this definitive. It's important to remember that we all have unique interpretations of John and Paul because of our experiences and our personal POVs. There is no single answer until Paul decides to tell us what happened and/or Sean publishes John's diaries (written and audio). Until that happens, we are all forced to look at the same material and draw our own conclusions which will naturally be shaped through our personal perceptions. Some of us are older and are much closer to the original culture that John and Paul were raised in; some of us are younger and grew up in a much more LGBT+ positive environment. This naturally has an impact on how we interpret John and Paul's relationship.

I say this because I know my POV on John and Paul is a bit different from everyone else's. I'm a historian by training but part of being a historian is the understanding that you will never fully understand the events as they happened because your personal viewpoint and inherent bias is simply too strong. But that's okay because this is a part of humanity that we all share, yeah? With that understanding LET'S GO!

Paul My view on Paul is that he's always understood that he's different from other men. I doubt he could put a name to it until very recently. Paul has synesthesia, he's bisexual, he connects to music in a savant-like way, he's neurodivergent which is why he takes criticism so hard, and all of that would still be true even if he didn't have left over emotional issues from his mother dying the way she did + his fraught relationship with his father.

Keep in mind that circumstantial evidence points to the idea that Paul orchestrated the meeting at the fête! He realized he had a mutual friend with John in Ivan (who is to say that he did not meet Ivan at a QM performance and had that mental realization there?) He went through Hot Girl Summer before and after the fête, wanting to be fucking fit so that he wasn't embarrassed to meet John! I did the same thing when I had a crush as a teenager!

So with all that in mind, imagine this: you're Paul McCartney. You met John Lennon barely a year after Mary died. You turned 15 on June 18th, 1957 and met John at the fête on July 6, 1957. At some undetermined point before this garden party you saw a beautiful boy on the bus and began riding it obsessively hoping the Teddie boy would get on it. You followed him to the chippie and stood in line behind him…allegedly because you thought "oh wow he looks so cool." Marky Mark thinks (and I agree) that you may have even followed John to at least one Quarry Man show before the fête. Is this 'normal' behavior? Or is this the unhinged behavior of a teenager with a massive crush? The kind that comes about when you see a cute boy with red hair, and red is the color you associate with happiness, and then you find out that he plays guitar just like you and you follow him around until you see one of his performances and he's so good he knocks you back and then someone says "hi Paul, I didn't know you liked music!" behind you. And you realize that it's your friend and that you can meet the boy you have a crush on through this friend. You just need to lose weight and grow your hair out first.

When did Paul first see John, anyway? Before he turned 15 I'd wager.

I submit the idea that Paul has been in love John Lennon for his entire life. It will be 67 years of love when this July 6th rolls around. John was making a name for himself, he was known around town as "that Lennon." A minor celebrity like we’ve all had in our hometowns. Paul loved music. Before the internet you would go to the town square to hear a band.

Paul did that. Saw John. Pursued him with intent. When John went to Gambier Terrace to be with Stuart, Paul made a nuisance of himself showing up at their parties and playing the proto-version of "Michelle" in front of the girls…and John.

I love you, I love you, I love you That's all I want to say Until I find a way I will say the only words I know that You'll understand

I don't think that a 15 year old Paul McCartney would explicitly label his feelings for John as 'love' or a 'crush' but I do think that's what happened. When you're a teenager, a crush can express itself in many different ways. I used to have a big crush on a girl who was a volleyball player at my junior high school…that expressed itself as intense admiration. I even told one of my friends that I thought she was 'really cool.' It wasn't until later that I realized that I had a crush on her.

But I think that Paul has always known that he's 'different' and that he wasn't like other boys while growing up. Part of his touchiness about his looks comes from being bullied but I also think that he's a lot more self aware than he pretends to be. I think he realized relatively fast how he felt about John (maybe once John picked up with Stuart and Cynthia at art college.) I think he carried that with him for years hence his anguished response to being jilted in Hamburg and how furious he was at John for running off to Spain with Brian. He didn't realize it immediately but once it sticks to you then it fucking sticks. I think that Paul has done a lot internal wrestling with being a bisexual man and what that means for him and that he has been wrestling with it for decades. I think he was fully in the grip of that wrestling as he and John's friendship began growing and Paul realized what was happening to him. He does enjoy women but I also think that he felt it was necessary to pursue them heavily as a young man to camouflage himself.

I don't think a day has gone by since 1957 where Paul has not known what he was. What exactly that means for him…is up for interpretation. That's where the gray area is. But IMO Paul has almost always known that he's sexually attracted to other men and that John woke this in him. The big question for Paul is what he should do about it.

John There's been a lot written about John and his sexuality that I won't rehash here but truthfully I think John was in a similar place to Paul in knowing that he's always had a sexual preference for other men. John was a lot less comfortable about it though. Having unprotected sex with his girlfriends was, IMO, John trying to subconsciously engineer a situation that would "fix" him via an accidental pregnancy necessitating a marriage.

Of course that didn't do anything because it never does. John still felt chemistry with Paul when they met at the fête, with that quote about them "circling each other like cats." IMO John felt something immediately -- it's not entirely clear what -- though I don't think it "love at first sight" like with Paul. IMO their friendship, while still rooted in that chemistry, developed very naturally for John and he got to enjoy a platonic relationship with Paul before he put it all together. I say this because John saw Paul as a kid, not a peer, and that this endured for their lives in Liverpool pre-Hamburg. I struggle to imagine John or Paul deliberately inciting sexual or romantic contact during that time period aside from the group wank sessions (which were really trolling sessions from John.) Like, when Julia died, John went out and sought peers at art college like Cynthia and Stuart, other students his age. John and Paul bonded over losing their mothers and Paul has that quote about pranking people with the "oh yeah…my mum's dead thanks <3" bit but it also seems like John didn't want to be around that all the time. He lost his Uncle George and then his mother, he was starting to think that he was a death-curse on men in his family and that he brought suffering with him. He wanted to be away from that so he took a vacation from music to get a chance of scenery. Which meant putting Paul in a place of competition with Stuart and Cyn but I don't think John was thinking of that initially (though he exploited the situation later.)

Then Hamburg happens and they run wild. I have an entire meta about this that you can read here but I genuinely think John did not see Paul as a full fledged adult and potential sexual partner until they were in Hamburg in the red light district. I think that something happened there that we don't know about, that it's tied up in Stuart deciding to be with Astrid, John jilting Paul, Paul saying "fuck you I'm done" and getting a job at the coil winding factory in Liverpool after being deported, John tracking Paul down and spending weeks (probably) groveling and then giving Paul an ultimatum to come back to the Beatles. All of that screams 'I just realized I'm in love with my best friend and I'm freaking the fuck out' to me lmao.

John and Paul Of course something else changed after that too and John and Paul ended up becoming so close that even the Liverpool squares around them noticed. I think that whatever was going in their relationship, it started here. In the place where John and Paul were equally distraught with each other, the future of the band was uncertain, and Paul wanted a sign of commitment from John so that he didn't feel like he wasted years of his life. And of course John always felt compelled to be the man Paul wanted him to be so he treated Paul to a vacation in Paris which was so life affirming for them that it stayed with them for the rest of their lives. IMO the Paris vacation was explicitly romantic for them.

I think a switch flipped in 1961 and they went from "messing around" to "there's something there." It erupted in Paris and they showed each other more understanding and care then they expected from each other. John did sexy pin up poses for Paul in a bed that they shared; John remembers how the French held each other in their arms and just kissed each other, lovingly; Paul felt that he discovered the answer and that all those big name philosophers had nothing on the self realization he came to inside himself. Paul even took a photo of John that high lighted his package! Thanks to @louiselux for pointing this one out:

The thing was all the kissing and the holding that was going on in Paris. And it was so romantic, just to be there and see them, even though I was twenty-one and sort of not romantic. But I really loved it, the way the people would just stand under a tree kissing; and they weren’t mauling at each other, they were just kissing. — John Lennon, Playboy interview 1980

“We were like Paris existentialists. Jean-Paul Sartre had nothing on us. Sod ‘em all - I could write a novel… It was all inside me. I could do anything now.”

Paul McCartney, Anthology

Something happened in Paris and it wasn't just them getting haircuts and John buying Paul milkshakes. There was commitment there. And then the spell comes over them again when they return in January 1964:

The first night, John and Paul stayed in their suite, listening to records and reading fan mail. George, who had been signed for 100 pounds a day by the Daily Express to write of his experiences in Paris, went to a nightclub in the Place Pigalle.

Back in the City of Light, John and Paul slept till three o'clock in the afternoon. That much everybody agreed on.

Quote by Vincent Mulchrone from Daily Mail: George Harrison was astir early, but John Lennon and Paul McCartney slumbered on until frantic photographers forced them at lens point into the Champs-Élysées.

Derek Taylor (a British journalist) wanted to know why the Beatles slept so much. "My office wants to know what they're doing in Paris, so they'd better be doing something."

Love Me Do by Michael Braun

But I know what you're thinking. "What the hell does this all have to do with these two songs?"

And my reply is to keep a few things in mind:

Paul takes criticism and slights incredibly hard, possibly overreacting in some places and letting them overwhelm him mentally.

He never got over Barcelona, he never stopped resenting Stuart and Brian, he never got over John pulling the rug out from under him regarding the order of their names in the song credits. He contemplated committing suicide by smothering himself while he was in Scotland recovering from John leaving him.

John Lennon had a baby with a woman in the middle of all this. Julian Lennon was born April 8, 1963, conceived in July 1962, less than a year after Paris.

However Absurd & The Lovers That Never Were I listened to "However Absurd" and "The Lovers That Never Were" in that order. My immediate reaction is that these are both the same kind of song: they are both expressing sadness and frustration with John. This is a common theme with Paul's post-1980 John songs. What I find interesting is that they depict different though related gripes regarding John. In "However Absurd" Paul is expressing his longing for a cottagecore fantasy romance with John and then expressing frustration at John mocking him for it:

Ears twitch, like a dog Breaking eggs in a dish Do not mock me when I say This is not a lie

But in "The Lovers That Never Were" Paul expresses a different gripe: frustration that John won't commit to him and "anticipating" the break up that he secretly knew was coming ever since 1963 when John abandoned him and his own son to play patty-cake with Brian in Spain:

I hang patiently on every word you send Will we ever be much more than just friends? As for you, you sit there playing this game You keep me waiting

When all of the clocks have run down All over the world We'll be the lovers that never were

For as long as the sun shines in somebody's eyes I believe in you baby, so don't tell me lies For as long as the trees throw down blossoms and leaves I know there will be a parade of unpainted dreams

And I know dear, how much it's going to hurt If you still refuse to get your hands dirty So you, you must tell me something… I love you Say goodbye or anything

All of the clocks have run down Time's at an end If we can't be lovers we'll never be friends

John's penchant for disregarding Paul's feelings and even weaponizing them against Paul; the dashing of Paul's cottagecore dreams that were made and solidified in Paris; the fact that John, no matter what his intentions, could not get his shit together and commit to Paul no matter what he may have felt. These two songs are not contradictory to one another. Paul's idea of "commitment" looks very much like what he had with Linda and John in 1967: sharing a home, sharing a bed, being together every day, preferably somewhere green and remote. Exclusivity. Remember that Paul deliberately sabotaged his relationship with Jane Asher by nailing a woman in their bed when Jane came home, knowing perfectly well that he was breaking their exclusivity agreement.

That IMO, is what makes someone a lover and not just a friend you have sex with and secretly pine for. No cheating, or at least your agreed version of it. No disrespecting the relationship. Continuously being together. What did John do instead of this?

I think that Paul started out his "relationship" with John carrying high hopes and then watched them crumble to dust, over and over, because John simply did not take him seriously. He got Cynthia pregnant, he ran around on Paul with Brian, he had the nerve to flip out on Jane Asher when Paul brought her around when he was the one who couldn't stay faithful to Cynthia.

My hot take is that these songs demonstrate that Paul simply could not imagine John ever truly committing to him and treating him as a true partner. The homophobia and yes ~society~ is in there too but Paul was happy to flout this when it came to just about anyone else, traipsing all over France with Fraser and Mal. The difference is that he flat out didn't trust John. Being jilted for Stuart in Hamburg loomed too big in his head. Cynthia and Julian loomed too big in his head. Brian and Barcelona, realizing that John would happily betray whatever agreements or understandings he had with Paul simply to screw Paul out of a deal, loomed too big in his head. I think in particular its Barcelona that made Paul think John didn't value any of their professed ideals. John broke Paul's heart years before Yoko came along.

He didn't trust John. Fatalism is easier than taking control of your own life sometimes, and in Paul's mind there was no reason to believe John was genuine. Like, Paul knew John very well! He had very good reason to think that John was simply not serious about him. And John, no matter what his intentions were, proved that correct over and over and over and over.

So ultimately, I think that's what these songs are about. The melodies don't necessarily reflect this when I listened to them but I think that "The Lovers That Never Were" in particular is juxtaposing bitter wink-and-nod lyrics with an oddly perky tune. It's Paul laughing at himself for ever thinking John was willing to commit. He's mocking himself because while he allowed himself to get swept up in the dream of a possible genuine relationship with John, he knew deep down that it would go the way it did. That John would find a reason to get tired of him and abandon him. And then when Yoko came along, that's exactly what John did. Paul fatalistically accepted that the time had come and John met Paul's low expectations of him.

The Weight I don't think John and Paul necessarily planned to have a secret relationship. It seems more like they bundled the sexual/romantic stuff into their "thing" where it was just part and parcel of who they were and what they did. "It's only gay if the balls touch" etc. At some point that changed but Paul became convinced early on that it wouldn't work out so he didn't acknowledge his own secret desires and dreams. There was no roadmap between him and John about where they were taking this exactly and how they were going to make it work. He had sex with John and even engaged with romantic actions with John, hoping against hope that something would change and he would be proven wrong, but then John would be careless and Paul would collapse into hurt.

And oh yeah: Paul never, ever discussed any of this with John Lennon. He never told John how hurt he was because he didn't want to put up with John's derision. He felt devalued and lost and in typical Paul fashion he chose to ignore this for years and never bring it up, forcing it to come out in bizarre nonsensical actions when he inevitably boiled over. Why would he choose to confront it? He made sure to set up several safety nets to catch him! Jane and the Ashers, striking out on his own with "The Family Way" score, rubbing John's face in his escapades with other males as a way to go 'see, I don't need you just like you don't need me. How about THAT?'

I don't think John ever intended to hurt Paul as badly as he did. He thought that if Paul was upset about something then he would know via their ~telepathic connection.~ I think that he deliberately overlooked warning signs because he felt intensely guilty about certain actions he took (God only knows which ones) and that he helped himself not see Paul's hurt. I do think if he had the slightest idea of what was going on in Paul's head then he would have changed tactics immediately out of fear of losing Paul forever. But at heart John was a coward and if he didn't want to see something was wrong then he wouldn't see it unless something forced his hand. Like say, having his former best friend/ex-lover look him in the eye and go "I can write new songs" and kill The Beatles in a court of law. (And of course once he realized what he had done, years after the fact, it was too little too late. He couldn't take it back. How do you make up for inflicting that much hurt on someone that you supposedly care for? This paralyzed John for years.)

This was obviously a huge mistake and I think it was one of the landmines that blew their relationship up. Paul allowed his distrust and bitterness to overwhelm him. He should have been honest with John about his feelings; maybe not immediately but when they were able to look back with some perspective. Paul should have realized that their relationship could take heat. He should have trusted John more and if he had then John could have risen to the occasion. Everything could have been different. No more "I believe in you baby, so don't tell me lies." No more "Do not mock me when I say/This is not a lie."

He even expresses this in a third song, one that IMO puts this entire thing into perspective and ties these three songs together with a neat bow. "This One":

youtube

Did I ever take you in my arms, look you in the eye Tell you that 'I do?' Did I ever open up my heart And let you look inside?…

Did I ever touch you on the cheek Say that you were mine, thank you for the smile? Did I ever knock upon your door Try to get inside?…

Please take note of the bolded "Tell you that 'I do'!" Paul's deepest regret with regards to John is not trusting him more. He wishes that he had opened up to John about his hurt and how he angry he was that John was devaluing their relationship. That he wanted to commit to John but that he was scared John wouldn't say 'I do' back.

From John's POV he's just being John; he's looking out for the band. God knows he tried to be what Paul needed him to be but he got mixed signals and inconsistent behavior and Paul's ice queen behavior frustrated him to no end. This resulted in an endless circle of "fuck you/no no no, fuck YOU/well fuck you then!/fuck you" that ended up killing what they had.

But John is guilty in this too. He never made himself accountable to Paul. He didn't explain his actions. He acted rashly and selfishly and then was shocked when it blew up in his face. He didn't consistently act like he loved Paul. He took Paul for granted and told himself that he was doing the right thing, because changing your behavior is very very hard. He didn't let Paul in when it mattered.

Did you ever take me in your arms Look me in the eye, tell me that 'you do?'

As Paul grew up and he started to come to grips with the "What happened" of it all, maybe he realized that he had procrastinated. That he put off what mattered most because he couldn't bear to make himself vulnerable as a young man. Maybe he was waiting for a perfect moment to open himself up to John knowing perfectly well it would never arrive, a common delaying tactic for insecure and avoidant people. Not admitting that the perfect moment would never come and that he had to extend trust to receive it in return.

If I never did it, I was only waiting For a better moment that didn't come There never could be a better moment Than this one, this one

I think he's still angry at John for multiple betrayals, slaps to the face, and devaluing the specialness of their relationship and their affection for each other. But I also think that Paul is angry at himself for not trusting John, for not working harder at their relationship. He also delivered multiple betrayals and slaps to the face to John, feeding John's insecurity and fears of abandonment. Making a mockery of their relationship and how special it was. Paul has been doing public penance for this ever since John died, which snapped everything into perspective and he finally realized the full scope of his own screw ups.

Because it took two to destroy a relationship this intense and this special. If Paul did not know that before...

Well. He does now.

#the beatles #mclennon #john lennon #paul mccartney #mclennon meta #my meta #mclennon server #this was a really fun ask anon thank you!

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kizzer55555 · 9 months

Text

DP X DC School Project

So...I am part of a dp x dc Discord server under the nickname Jazz. Someone decided to post a Pinterest picture in the fanfic ideas channel. This is the conversation it created. I love this Discord server so much.

Eros:

Danny and Damain working together on school project together.

Or even Dani and Damian up to you.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny and Damian just sounds so much more funny to me.

Eros:

Alrights 👌

BreKitten:

Oh my gosh, that's hilarious

Eros:

And they totally would act like this

Apricot:

crying lmao

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damien: Why wouldn't we shop at [the expensive place]? I am an heir-

Danny: taps the paper 2k a month. You gave up your money to make me feel more comfortable.

Damien: Why would I care about your comfort?

Danny: dramatic gasp How could say that about your husband?!

Apricot:

Damian: husband?! what "husband"?!

Eros:

then proceeded to fight on types of toast and pricy vegetarian meals

Danny: look our family needs a balance diet, we can't live off vegetables alone! The very least we should mix it with some actual food like Ectoplasm.

(if Ectoplasm can be considered all kind of elements/a semi living organism since it revives things then any food brought to life should be counted as a beast of some kind)

Eros:

Also counts since Danny lived off ectoplasm for a fair bit of his life so he would see it as a food source

Eros:

Danny: me. I'm your husband, we agreed to marry to make it easier for the kids.

Apricot:

Damian: KIDS?!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny: Danny Jr and Damian Jr!

Eros:

Danny: yes kids, don't tell me you forgot we had kids! I swear you'll say you forgot we have pets too!

Danny: shows the paper that says they have a pet and two kids

Jazz:

No wait, the ectoplasm comes last. Just the Wayne’s seeing Damian and this random kid fight about every single thing. Finally Damian comes home and says that they finally agreed on something.

The Wayne’s: finally. Looks like this is a good learning experience:

Damian: we have agreed to live off of Lazarus water.

Wayne’s: ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

And the best thing is that they might not know about Danny being a halfa. So they think Damian is now corrupting random citizens.

Jazz:

Cause like, they both grew up with Lazarus water/ectoplasm and know the nutritional value.

Eros:

Indeed~

Jazz:

Great for child development too!

They both turned out great!

Eros:

Hehehe

Alright now both Danny and Damian are fully into this project now they have at least a agreed idea on food

Because the project they have is this; budget for every day living

So they have food set out

There is now trying to keep the house running and kids/pets alive and entertained

Danny agrees that with his skills he can do the majority of repairs, Damian agrees to take responsibility of the pets

They are now having an argument on how children should be raised.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian is all for strict discipline, high standards of education, after school activities (he may not want his kids to be assassins but he still wants the best).

Danny's all for independence, finding your own way, encouragement and lots of love and support.

Damian: Do you want our children to grow up to be garbagemen?!

Danny: Do you know how much a garbageman makes?!

Eros:

Danny grew up around a lot of physical affection and love from his folks, except around the time of the accident/the holidays he always knew his parents loved each other very very much.

Damian comes from such an emotionally constipated house hold that he only gets the majority of physical affection from Dick

Jazz:

Lol

This is so perfect.

Danny then says something that puts Damian’s entire world view into question.

Danny: is this how you would treat our pets?!

Eros:

Damian: gasp how dare you, how very dare you!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

XD Danny, recounting the story later to Sam and Tucker: I swear, if he had pearls, he would've clutched them.

Eros:

Hehehe

Jazz:

Me imagining Damian going to Dick to complain.

Damian: can you imagine?! Raising kids and hugging them! Or saying it’s ok to fail!

Dick’s face.

Eros:

Damian complaining to his family: we might have agreed on living off Lazarus water, but now he wishes for our children to just go wild, then compared our pets to them!

Jazz:

Damian: obviously our pets would act nothing like those…savages.

Eros:

It just keeps getting better~

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Waynes are listening to this kind of like a soap opera

Eros:

Sam: wow Danny, at the very least your doing better then when you were partnered up with Val, like the majority of the time you were trying to pawn off raising the kid on each other until the flower was in danger, but I can't say much myself since Tucker pulled a Kronos.

Which opened a new can of worms; how much time were they going to take care and be there for their "kids" what kind of training would they go through

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Hehehe

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny: I learned from my mistakes. I wasn't ready to be a parent then.

Eros:

Their whole class and teachers are watching it like a soap opera

Eros:

The very least they get to see it live and not re counted

Jazz:

(Someone get popcorn, or they just get out their packed lunches early).

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes! The Waynes and Sam and Tucker get the play-by-play but the class gets to see the actual show!

Jazz:

No wait, someone records it and post it and then it goes viral. (Do they think that the Wayne’s make a lot more sense now hearing of how Damian thinks children should be raised?)

(Are there now more questions?!)

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Oooh. I can see people being even worse to Damian. Maybe pitying him because he grew up with so little love.

Eros:

Then the next day Danny brings up the issue of child raising again since Sam makes a good point.

Danny: okay so I've re think a few things, mainly on occasion the kids should get self defense classes or something like that since it would make most sense to keep them safe. But beyond work and school activities how should we spend our time with them?

Jazz:

People see the two about to continue their conversation and immediately stop what they are doing to bring their phones out.

What if this becomes one of the most popular ‘dramas’? Like, so much in fact even villains will stop what they are doing to watch?

Eros:

(because Danny comes from a physical affectionate house doesn't mean there was neglect from his folks working way too much)

Jazz pretty much raised him when it came to actual child care so Danny is determined to be there for his "kids"

Not just for the fun stuff or being pulled to random projects

Jazz:

They get super invested in this project.

Also, what if people intentionally goad them on? Like seeing them together and asking if a kid should be left alone at home or with a babysitter or what they’ll do during a blackout/tornado?

Eros:

Surprisingly it's Danny who brings a big book of plans in case if emergencies

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes!

Adonnenniel "Addy": - reply to students and citizens goading Danny and Damian on.

The teacher reworks their lesson plans to do an extended deep dive into home economics so that this can keep happening.

Jazz:

Absolutely.

Jazz:

Some of the emergency responses are normal like, if there is a tornado, evacuate kids to a shelter, others are strange like arguing whether you should fight the burglar or prioritize the kids. Others are just plain weird. A blackout? Both Damian and Danny will turn to face the questioner. Obviously they’ll be able to see in the dark. (Effect of ectoplasm/Lazarus exposure).

Eros:

Danny is even willing to share on the "in case of apocalypses" situations

Jazz:

Neither question why they know a massive amount of information about various world ending disasters/villains.

Eros:

Oh and how they should pack bags for school and for emergencies

Jazz:

Omg, they make a kid survival kit. Including blasters and knives.

Eros:

Danny insists they should put some of the survival kit stuff in the school bag

Jazz:

Everything a five year old should take to school.

Eros:

Ooo discussion on how old their kids should be to learn about weapons and how to safely handle them

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny: Eight should be good.

Damian: Eight is way too late to start!

Jazz:

The fact that both agree this is a necessary subject to teach their kids. Everyone’s reaction to hearing various ways you can kill/dismember a person and why this won’t work. Not because it’s immoral but clearly because young kids don’t have the necessary arm length to complete certain maneuvers.

Eros:

Damian: that's why we should put the kids into martial arts and gymnastics as soon as possible so they can be flexible enough!

Jazz:

Danny: that’s why we should wait until their older and focus on their aim while young! Their muscle memory will be all wrong by the time they reach the appropriate age!

Damian: they will not always have a weapon to aim. The body is the only reliable weapon that will never fail.

Eros:

Now to add extra into the mix; Bruce and Jazz (who is now Danny's legal guardian) show up to school to pick them up as they are in a middle of an argument

Danny: and who will be the one teaching them? Because proper teachers will be expensive, at least we can teach them at home how to aim properly! It can be a bonding experience!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Jazz: What are you talking about?

Danny: Teaching our young children proper aim.

Jazz: You will not!

Danny: I mean, you're obviously not going to teach them.

Jazz:

Damian: I can teach them perfectly fine.

Danny: what about work? You can’t be with them all the time.

Damian: I can take them with me. We can travel around Gotham and learn to fight through experience.

Danny: you are not taking our children to fight on the streets

Damian: what, didn’t you want us bonding?! Make up your mind!

Dick looking at Bruce. “This is your fault.”

Eros:

Danny: You're not letting our children out on the streets, they will put too many people in the hospital! You have any idea how expensive that would be!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian casually dropping he's Robin?

Jazz:

Danny not even processing it.

Then casually stating he’s dead. Damian skipping that detail.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

XD They're too caught up in the roles.

Jazz:

Exactly.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Maybe afterwards, if they think back on it.

Jazz:

Like vigilantism and the dead coming back to life is normal for them. They are focusing on the children right now thank you.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

And then they both come up with the excuse "I was just adding to lore, it was all pretend!"

Eros:

Not before this;

Damian: fine if you want to control our lives and children then we should just divorce!!

Jazz:

Danny: oh I’m controlling?!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Do they get Alfred to be the judge to oversee their divorce?

Jazz:

Danny: fine, our kids and pets will be happier with me anyways.

Damian: don’t you dare bring the pets into this.

Damian going to Bruce to use the Wayne lawyers for this imaginary family divorce.

He will win this.

Danny actually going to Vlad.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Vlad has been watching the whole time. He doesn't need to be brought up to speed.

Jazz:

Both of them are like, this is ridiculous. But on the other hand, my child actually asked for help from me for once.

Eros:

Hehehe

Danny uses Dani as an example of a child that is better off with him

Jazz:

Lol

Adonnenniel "Addy":

And Jazz even brings it up to Bruce that if Damian didn't get to play like this as a young kid, he might be making up for lost time, in his own intense way.

Eros:

Because that's what Danny is doing too

Jazz:

The absolute struggle both Bruce and Vlad go through on whether or not to actually do this and use up their lawyers, money, and resources.

The viral videos increase.

Eros:

Danny getting frustrated enough that he is tempted to get Clockwork to be the judge

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Bruce gets his other kids involved? They play as Damian's lawyers?

Eros:

Yesz

Jazz:

Dick is having a blast.

Then Sam comes in for Danny’s defense.

Both Tucker, Tim, and Barbra (possibly Technis) get into a hacking war.

Eros:

Yesss!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yesss!

Jazz:

Cujo and Titus become best friends.

Eros:

Dani is still the example child

Jazz:

Tim is Damian’s example child.

Eros:

Peepaw Clockwork comes in a human form to judges

Jazz:

Alfred and Clockwork have tea.

And discuss their kids.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Tim: I'm older than you! How am I your example child?!

Dick: whispers Hey, he's including you without stabbing you. Take the win.

Eros:

Clockwork: I do hope they figure this all out before their legit kids are born~

Jazz:

Yesssss.

Eros:

Danny: finally stops, going into a blushing and betrayed look at Clockwork

Damian: who doesn't know Clockwork sees the future what on earth are you talking about, we barely are keeping together for the kids we do have!

Gestures to Tim and Dani

Jazz:

Tim: I’m. Older. Than you!

Damian. Then start acting like it.

Danny: (trying to recover) tsk tsk, how can you treat your son this way?

Damian: he’s adopted.

Eros:

Danny: and she's a clone, doesn't mean they can't be loved and cared for as their own persons!

Danny: to prove a point he hugs both Dani and Tim, trying to smoother them with love and acceptance

Jazz:

Tim just looks so done with life at the moment.

Eros:

Danny: plus our pets are adopted, yet you wouldn't love them any less

Jazz:

Critical hit.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny ends up adopting Tim by the end of this.

Jazz:

Lol

He wins Tim in the divorce.

Eros:

Lol

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yesss!

Eros:

Tim gets a new dad

Jazz:

Bruce doesn’t know how to feel about this.

Eros:

This one says "I love you" and is into Tim's science projects

Jazz:

Dani’s like new sibling. Tackle Hugs.

And Danny doesn’t restrict coffee intake. He’s just as bad.

Eros:

If anything he shows Tim a whole world of coffee mixes

Jazz:

Jazz though. Jazz is a bit of a problem with Coffee.

Tim and his new dad form an alliance.

Eros:

Danny takes Tim to Frostbite to get a new spleen

Jazz:

Danny: see? I provide free healthcare.

Eros:

Then proceeds to show off Tim: This is my boi, I won him!

All while Dani is giggling and clinging to their sides

Jazz:

Vlad is looking at Bruce very smugly.

Eros:

Danny would show Tim and Dani off at school after this

Like: behold, my children!

Jazz:

It becomes public that Wayne enterprise’s CEO is Tim Fenton.

Eros:

(and since I'm going with King Danny in this)

That means due to Danny winning and Tim becoming his kid, Tim Fenton is now the prince of the infinite realms along with his new sister Dani

Cass and Steph come back from a big trip once everything is over

Jazz:

They ask what happened.

Jason gleefully explains that Bruce went to legal war with another billionaire over an imaginary family and ended up loosing Tim to them.

Also, that Damian might have a crush.

Eros:

youtube

Jazz:

Lol

Eros:

Because he just went through one of the best non injury fights of his life with this guy

Jazz:

And lost

Eros:

Yet they do agree on a fair bit of things, and now know where their main issues are and can work on them.

Jazz:

The entire world witness this entire thing and there are going to be shippers.

Eros:

Pft imagine the Justice League hearing about this~

Jazz:

Also just think, when they eventually do get together. That high school teacher is absolutely going to brag that it was their project that started this.

Jon might have a crisis on being replaced as Damian’s best friend. Someone explains the difference between boyfriend and normal friend and Jon’s like, ok that’s fine then.

Eros:

Oh man, when Jon finds out everything that had happened

Jon would tell Conner

Jazz:

Conner hears about the clone comment.

Now Conner wants to be adopted.

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Absolutely

Danny be pulling a Bruce

Or would Bruce be pulling a Danny?

Jazz:

Omg, I just realized. Bruce Wayne lost a Custody battle.

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Major L

Eros:

To a child

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Ain't Danny technically a god?

Eros:

Still child

Who would definitely adopt Conner

BuriedReign:

Omg this is like a whole ass fic already, it’s soooo goood! I absolutely bursted out laughing at the “we plan to live off Lazarus water”

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Just got caught up and all I have to say is: 😂😂😂

Btw, I love the idea that Tim isn't legally adopted to Danny (by ghost standards, yes, not by mortal law) but he just goes with Danny cuz he's so done with his family.

Eros:

>:3

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Dani, Tim, Conner. Do we throw in reformed, de-aged Dan for shits and giggles?

Eros:

Pfft yess

And Damian only finds out about Dan after the divorce

This re sparks everything into a new battle~

Eros:

Damian is offended that Danny never told him about their other son Dan

Adonnenniel "Addy":

He wants visitation rights!

Eros:

Damian wants to win Dan, like how Danny won Tim

Adonnenniel "Addy":

That makes more sense

Eros:

Damian goes up to Dan and offers access to all sort of weapons, training/fights, being a heir to a different Kingdom, and possibly be ungrounded if he takes Damian's side in the new Custody battle

The Angst Queen:

When you catch up and burst out laughing

Also - I wanna add something

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Add, please!

The Angst Queen:

Damian would definitely pull a sword at some point - decide to attack and “miss” every time. He does not expect Danny to suddenly have an ice sword in hand. Do then they’re both going at it in a sword fight while still arguing about diaper brands

Damian - so then I attack him

Dick - WHAT!?!?

Damian - I know! He didn’t even have the decency to die! He pulled out his own sword!

Dick in shock whispers - what

Damian - and he still refuses to consider Huggies! Insists on natural diapers!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Lol

Eros:

Like when the arguments get too much they start sword fighting like the Adam's family

It's how they discuss things and keep up reaction times for both brain and body

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Do they fight in school or at the manor?

Eros:

School, just to add more to the soap opera drama

And for the bats to keep missing the live actions of it

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes!

Eros:

Except Babs but that's obvious to know why

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Their sword fights go all around the school, interrupting other classes. The security guards or other teachers try to stop them but Danny'll just pull them into the argument.

Teacher: walking up to them, trying to grab the swords Now, boys, this must stop!

Danny: leaps up onto a desk, put his arm around the teacher's neck as he's still fighting Damian Hey, you look like a reasonable man. Tell me, why would you ever want to buy a waste product all for brand recognition and not cut down waste and get reusable diapers?

Teacher: That's a very leading question and calls on a few logical fallacies-

Danny: shoves the teacher away as Damian leaps for an attack

Eros:

And this is where Damian's crush really began

It's one thing to argue and have different trains of thought

It's another to have someone actually just as skilled as you in the battle of the sword and the mind

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yeeees!

Eros:

Danny: Hopefully the castle is big enough for everyone

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Tim: You have a castle!? O_O

Conner: You have a castle!? : D

Danny: Yep! Oh, and you two are now royalty! Don't worry, you won't have to do anything unless you want to.

Eros:

I wonder if Tim rubs it in his other semi siblings faces

Like Steph, Jason, and Damian's faces in particular

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Does Tim take a pic of everything in the realms?

Eros:

Yes

Bruce Kal-el” Wayne:

Or try to

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Tim especially rubs being royalty in Damian's face. He knows he should be better but damnit, Damian was/is all high and mighty about being the heir to the League of Assassins and Bruce's biological child - he stabbed Tim over it! Tim gets to gloat a bit that he technically outranks Damian now!

BuriedReign:

Does this increase Damian’s crush on Danny? Damian tries to ask out Danny and makes it ‘rational’ by saying of course he needs to be higher ranked than Tim. While also trying to hide that isn’t the only reason why he wants to date Danny

Eros:

(make Damian unintentionally ghost speak which reveals his true emotions and reasons as to why he wants to date Danny)

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian: I want to date him for no other reason than to one-up my once brother. That's it. Nothing else involved here. Just pure revenge. I will not let Tim outrank me in this life or the next.

Jason: Uh-huh. flipping to the next page of Pride and Prejudice Have fun on your denial date.

Omg, imagine Damian formally asking Danny out on a date!

And Danny's like, despite the divorce, I want to give us another shot.

Eros:

And the plot THICKENS

That's everyone's reactions 😁

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes!

Eros:

Where would they even go on a date?

Ooo what if they went to the museum

Or an art gallery

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Or a date to the literal moon

Eros:

I don't think Damian would survive that well

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Ecto shield giving an artificial atmosphere

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian would take Danny to a museum or art gallery.

Danny will chose the next date and take him to the moon.

Eros:

Then definitely the museum should be like the Glenbow Museum

This is just inside the front entrance

It's called the aurora borealis

Because they make the crystals actually glow different colors

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Ooooooh!

Yes!

Eros:

This is a full on walk through section where you learn about the stars and First Nations

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Holy shit, now I want to go to the Glenbow Museum.

Eros:

Art pieces, and they also have a section for mid evil times and even mini battle fields

The Angst Queen:

Side note - I bet Danny makes Damian work to get that date

Eros:

Definitely

191 notes · View notes

zgvlt · 2 years

Text

launch our love jade leech x reader

summary: You and Jade send out your wedding invitations. (Almost) nobody knew you two were dating in the first place

author's note: written for a discord server event! bc june is wedding szn. and also because i realized i needed more silly (and domestic) jade in my life. this is sillier than most of my writings bc i wrote it to destress from my finals hehe

tags: gender neutral reader, sfw, fluff, established relationship, marriage, weddings, some cursing, 6.7k+ words, not beta read

you can also read this on AO3

THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM (CAUSED BY YOU AND JADE)

“Jade, you’re smiling. Is something funny?”

“Aren’t I always smiling, my dear?”

“Not always, not with your teeth.” So you said, but weren’t you the one baring your teeth at him right now? “You’re amused by something. Care to share?”

Maybe Jade didn’t seem like the type, but he loved jokes—stupid jokes, and even funny things that weren’t actually jokes. He just liked being able to laugh at something, someone, and oh, he was going to have the biggest laugh of his twenty something years of life—both on land and in sea.

In fact, he might have been laughing right now just at the very thought of the situation.

“Perhaps I’m just happy?” he mused, knowing for certain that you didn’t buy it. You knew him too well, for too long—sometimes he still found himself thinking just how odd it was for the two of you to have gotten so close, but it certainly made things more interesting, didn’t it? It would be difficult to imagine how he’d be living his life now if you weren’t by his side. “You bring me happiness. Is that so unbelievable?”

“No, but isn’t it weird that years ago I would have thought your words were some ploy to tease me, or make fun of my feelings for you?” you said, a laugh escaping your lips. “I can’t believe I fell for you first. So cringe of me, honestly.”

“Yes, but I had been the one to ask you out first,” he reminded you, clicking his tongue in the process, “really, you made your feelings so obvious but you simply wouldn’t do anything. Did you ever feel bad for me, poor Jade Leech who knew nothing about human romance customs, having to do all the hard work in courting you?”

“Yes, and in my pity I stayed with you for eight years,” you deadpanned, clearly enjoying the joke as much as he was. That was something about you he’d always loved—you always got a chuckle out of him, not merely from your words, but even your mannerisms and willingness to just go along with whatever he was saying, inserting your own quips as well. “And will continue to for even more years than that.”

“My love is so gracious,” he praised, clearly teasing but voice laced with unmistakable affection, “if this is what it feels to be pitied by you, then I’ll simply have to have your pity all to myself, hmm?”

“You…”

Jade really couldn’t help himself then, laughing as you were torn between letting him know he was being infuriating, or saying something terribly sappy yourself.

“I still don’t believe you, by the way,” you said, returning back to the original topic of conversation, “but I think I know why you’re so excited now. It has to do with the invites we sent out earlier this morning, doesn’t it?”

“Heheh. I might be losing my touch if it’s that obvious,” he replied, both of you knowing it had more to do with you than him.

The invites. They were pretty things—pearl white envelopes with intricate calligraphy at the very center, something formal to fit both Jade’s disposition and the event, but the design of the letter inside clearly had your touch. He actually still had a few unsent ones himself, ones he would deliver himself once he returned to the Coral Sea.

Save the best for last, of course.

“You think any of them would have gotten it by now?” He responded to your question with a smile that showed his teeth, he was certain of it this time. Oh, he was more than sure at least one person would have gotten it, received by the ones that lived closer, already opened by the ones a little less busier, and he was elated in anticipation of their responses. “Judging by the look on your face, that’s a yes. Should I mute my phone?”

“Absolutely not,” he replied immediately, and then added for good measure, “additionally, could you make sure every call is on speaker phone?”

As though simply waiting for his cue, your phone began to ring, and Jade had no doubts someone had already read the invite and was more than ready to make a complaint, or ask for an explanation, or both.

“Is it–” he looked over your shoulder to read the caller ID– “ah, I was wondering which one of the two. Go on and answer. I’ll just be here, listening attentively.”

“Fine, fine, but get ready. Once this call ends we’re clearly going to get them non-stop, either from your phone or mine.” You took a deep breath, as if to prepare yourself for your impending doom, before pressing the answer button.

THE CALL WHERE HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER GETS CURSED AT (AND HE LETS IT HAPPEN)

“You fucking fuck,” Ace said, slowly and almost threateningly, and Jade almost let out a huff of laughter at that alone. Only almost, for he had wanted to stay silent for a little longer just to hear what either one of you would talk about. “I raised and looked after you for over three years–”

“Now who’s doing the raising in the group, you say? If not me, it’s obviously–”

“Shut up! I need to tell you how disappointedI am!”

Jade threw you a look and you only shrugged. Ace always seemed like the annoying older brother type of friend, but was he actually some secret mother hen type? He always pictured that role for… essentially every other close friend you had, but he supposed distance could bring the fretting out of anyone.

“As I was saying, you know how much I L-word you, you little shit, but what is this behavior? Is this how you repay me?” On second thought, this was annoying older brother behavior. “How could you do this to your best friend—no, absolutely no oh, Deuce, Jack, Epel, Ortho, Sebek, is my blah blah now! Betrayal! One second I have Jade’s contact name renamed to your TOTGA, next second you’re getting married to him?”

At Ace’s exclamation Jade allowed himself to unstifle his laughter, slapping his thigh with the free hand, the one not attached to the arm that was draped around your own laughter-induced quivering shoulders.

“TOTGA?”

“The One That Got Away. Coined by Cater, but Ace found it too funny so it stuck as an inside joke about… well, obviously about you,” you explained, near groaning at the reminder, “basically, Ace thinks you were incapable of returning my feelings.”

“Hey, I never said that! I just said you were too much of a wuss to actually do anything. You cried when he became a fourth year, remember? Ace… I want to see Jade, huhu. I’m so sadddd, wah wah wah, wah, wah.”

“What a subpar impersonation. I wish I was there to witness it myself.” It was a little hard to shake off the image in his head once Ace got it in there—he hated seeing you upset of course, but you crying because you missed him? That would have certainly been a cute sight. He wondered if Ace or one of your other friends had managed to have that, or any other similar event, recorded on video.

He’s not quite Azul but he’s made his fair share of deals, too.

“And for your information, Ace, you might like to know that it was I who made the first move, so you would be right about your assumptions.”

“Thank you for your service. My dear friend would have stayed single, still living in the college, doing nothing but taking care of Grim until the ripe old age of a hundred and one otherwise,” Ace might have sounded like he had significantly calmed down, but you seemed to know better.

Ace was never particular about the respect for seniority, and while some parts of him had already matured, according to you that is, some parts were bound to stay the same.

“But also, I just know you’re part of the reason why I never found out the two of you got in a relationship in the first place! So what was the reason? A prank?”

“Of course not. What kind of man would have a joke run for as long as eight years?” Jade said, pretending he wasn’t that type of man. Honestly speaking, he really never intended it to be secret or anything. Azul and Floyd knew because it was impossible to hide things from either one—the latter being his brother, the other being your supplier of potions in your earlier years of visiting him and his family.

It just so happened that with a strange set of circumstances it would appear you never got the chance to tell anyone, he was too private a person to share the more intimate details of his life, and the two of you decided to just stick with it for as long as either one of you didn’t get caught.

“Okay, fine, I know why Jade wouldn’t say anything… but you, don’t think I have forgotten about you. Actually, shit, I’m tired of shouting. Give me a sec.”

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“Giving the phone to our favorite Deucey-Weucey. Nice going with the invites by the way—flying envelope followed me around in the middle of the street until I opened it. I thought my unpaid taxes were haunting me!”

Ah, yes, the wonderful flying tracker envelopes. Jade had paid good money for those—for convenience, else it would have been too difficult sending formal, non-digital invites to everyone all across the land, but he would not deny that the idea of an envelope hunting and chasing down your mutual friends was fun to imagine.

“You were shouting that loud in public? Also… are you joking? Ace, pay your taxes?”

“Pass. Oh, and don’t tell Deuce I said that, by the way. He’s freaking out more than me—he’s been spamming me with texts because I got to call you first—and we don’t need the policeman to freak out even more because of my inability to be a law-abiding citizen. He just finished his shift, too! … Yo, Deuce! Guess who I’m on the phone with—Oi! At least ask before–”

“First of all, congratulations,” a different voice came out of the phone speaker this time, a little gentler and kinder but clearly holding back. Ah, Jade thought to himself, here was the other one he was waiting on for your end. “Bet you Ace didn’t even say that, right?”

“He didn’t,” the two of you replied at the same time, much to the chagrin of the voice whining at an audible distance.

“Oh, hello,” Deuce greeted, oddly politely, “you don’t mind if I shout at your spouse-to-be, right? I’ve been holding back from doing so for about twenty or so minutes now.”

Well, Jade always liked politeness. Why, it reminded him of himself, after all.

“Fufu… go for it,” he said, but honestly you could have been the one to agree to it yourself with the way you readied yourself by pushing the phone slightly further away than when you were talking to Ace. Interesting reaction.

“You can cover your ears, I just need to get this out of my system… WHAT THE HELL? THIS IS WORSE THAN ANY OF ACE’S PRANKS!” Jade had to wonder if that was more compliment or insult. Deuce was less harsh than Ace with his wording, but the tone of voice was more intimidating, a little delinquent-like. You seemed used to it, though, maybe even a little fond and reminiscent.

“We kept comforting you because we… okay fine, Ace, shut up, because I thought you kept getting rejected, but not only have you been together all this time, the two of you are getting married? Also meaning, time had passed since you proposed… or Jade proposed to you?”

“Actually,” Ace interjected, loud enough to be picked up by the microphone, “since when did the two of you get together? This is very important by the way, please answer correctly.”

“Answering correctly… ah, I see what’s going on here,” Jade replied with an amused laugh, “I hope you got the right answer, then. The last week of my third year, so before the summer of yours.”

There was a brief silence on the other end of the line before the two of them began making a ruckus once more.

“Fucking Ortho?! Out of all of us, Ortho gets it right?” Ace bemoaned, “The way we dissed him too for guessing incorrectly. Of course he knew without actually knowing. I mean thank the Seven it wasn’t Sebek or Jack or I would never let myself live it down, and if it was Epel he would never let us live it down, but wow.”

“They made me bet as well, by the way,” you told Jade, “betting on my own love life… or lack of, at the time.”

“And you got it wrong?” he snickered, always happy for something new to tease you about. “Please do tell, when did you think we would get together?”

“Uh… I don’t remember?”

“Never. You said the two of you were never, ever, ever, getting together,” Deuce reminded you, pretending to simply be helpful even though it was obvious he was attempting to get back at you one way or another. Well, it was helpful to Jade, at least. He’s not surprised by the answer, it would have been rather typical considering your mindset back then, but your reaction right now was very adorable.

He had no plans of teasing you about it at this very moment, but he stored that information for another time.

“Wait, I just realized something. You were also crying to us that time, so then… you were crying because–”

“Oh,” you sounded a little bashful, “it was because I thought we wouldn’t be together because… you know, Jade would be out there in some mountain, probably without phone reception, and I would be stuck in NRC, so…”

“...so you didn’t think you two were actually in a relationship,” your statement was finished for you by Deuce, who sounded, and probably looked, exasperated, “and then you two actually were, but you were either still sad about the distance or too embarrassed to tell us you were mistaken that you never told us.”

“Yeah, something like that, and also I kept getting teased about it so as payback I kept holding off telling all of you, until…”

“Until you literally forgot to ever tell us,” Ace groaned, “shit, that’s one long grudge.”

Well, Jade might have had some part to do with you not talking about it after your third year. He was the one who convinced you it’d be fun to let them figure it out for themselves. If they weren’t able to tell while they still got to see you every day, how much harder would it be for them once you all went your separate ways all over Twisted Wonderland?

“Okay, maybe deserved on our end, but I don’t want to take responsibility so fuck you… oh, and congratulations to both of you lovebirds… er, fish?”

THE CALL WHERE HE MESSES WITH SOMEONE (AS USUAL)

You were still in the middle of your call with Ace and Deuce, voice call turned video call as the three of you planned a pre-wedding meet-up with the rest of your friend circle for the purpose of deciding who your best man would be (thankfully not a problem he has to deal with, considering Floyd was the only real choice), when he received a call on his phone.

“Who is it?” you asked, breaking away from the conversation for a few seconds.

“Trey,” he replied, quite normally if he would say so himself, although you must have known better based on the way you were looking at him.

“Don’t stress him out too much, Jade.” He agreed, although he certainly didn’t promise anything. If he was being honest, one of the calls he was anticipating getting was from the bakers’ son. Perhaps because it was interesting seeing the seemingly ordinary people break out of their restraints and say something funny.

“Say hi to Trey for me! Or tell him to call me… not any time for the rest of the day or night, if I’m being honest.”

With that he slinked away from the bedroom to the living room, letting himself relax atop the sofa as he answered the call.

“You know, Jade, most people send in their order forms online these days. Or in person, if they want a taste test first.”

“Oh, do you not want to comment on the invite first? The RSVP is included in the envelope, but you could let me know right now. How many guests do you intend on bringing? You could always bring your siblings—given my being a twin, I’ve always been fond–”

“Jade,” Trey interrupted, already sounding exasperated, “am I really a guest when you’re asking me to make your wedding cake?”

“And the wedding favor pastries as well, if you don’t mind,” Jade supplied, smiling to himself. Good, Trey was reacting exactly how he wanted him to. Sure, he did not doubt the man probably had some degree of surprise regarding his relationship status, but that seemed to be a second thought in the dread of dealing with what would presumably be at least a medium sized order.

“We would appreciate your suggestions as well. Which do you think would be better: cupcakes, quite overused but popular for a reason; small cakes, so we don’t have to go through the hassle of giving away slices of the wedding cake; or something a little less fancy, like cookies or brownies?

“Also, what do you think about the cake itself? How many tiers are the norm for wedding cakes? Why is it that most people go for height when you can go for width and length? What do you think about including mushrooms–”

“Jade, absolutely not. We can add the fake sugary ones if you want, but no real mushrooms,” Trey sounded somewhere in between flabbergasted and disgusted at the suggestion. Now, wasn’t it obvious he was just joking? He wasn’t really going to insist on adding mushrooms in the cake… unless it was actually an unfounded good combination?

“Also, for the love of the Queen, please just go to the bakery for a taste test… ugh, I can’t believe you’re getting married before me. What in Wonderland…”

“Really makes you wonder, doesn’t it?” And because Jade was secure with his sense of humor, he laughed at his own joke. What Jade would give to be able to see the look on his face right now, curious about what sort of face he must have pulled in that dead silence of five seconds. “Oh, and I just thought of something… what do you think about mushroom shaped biscuits as wedding favors?”

THE CALL WHERE YOU GET A PART-TIME WEDDING PLANNER (BUT WHO DOESN’T LOVE FREEBIES?)

You had received a few more calls last night, mostly quick congratulations paired with a “but… have you always been together with Jade? Somehow, I always thought…”

Those people never pried too much, likely to save themselves from the potential embarrassment of having forgotten such an important detail about a friend, maybe preferring to ask someone else about the details. None of them were too interesting so Jade didn’t mind much.

The real fun continued the very next day. The intended guests seemed to have enough decency to not call past midnight, although he did spot a few 3 a.m. text messages sent to some group chat you happened to be in, so the night was relatively peaceful. Someone, however, seemed to be a particularly early riser, dragging the both of you with him with one notification.

Not a call, just a notification that somehow jolted you awake, your sudden movement waking him as well.

“What–”

“I thought it was for work… I panicked.” Despite the fact that it was very much a weekend, it seemed that it was hard to get rid of habits. “Who else just sends sudden calendar invites to unplanned video calls aside from… oh, this makes sense, actually.”

You suddenly got up from bed and Jade, admittedly still a little sleepily, watched as you tried to fix yourself up—slowly walking to the bathroom as you washed your face, even brushing your teeth. That told Jade he would not be expecting you to head back to sleep despite the fact that the sun had likely risen at most about half an hour ago. If it weren’t for the fact that you were just straightening out your rumpled sleepwear, he would have thought you had planned on going out.

“Already so energetic in the morning,” Jade commented. For a busy man like him, he quite liked getting to sleep in whenever he could with his beloved at his side, but he was just as content watching you in the early hours of the day. Seeing you go about your morning, yes, but more so waking up in the same room as you, something that would become more common once the two of you got married.

He had always missed mornings with you whenever he was under the sea instead of by your side.

“Jade, do I look presentable?” you suddenly asked, plopping back down on the bed, lowering your head to lock eyes with him. He’s not quite sure what you’re expecting out of him considering the biased lens he views you in.

“You know my heart is aflutter whenever I see you,” he answered, not dishonest in the slightest but always worded in a way he knew you would like, “my darling is as beautiful as usual, brilliant and timeless like the most precious pearl.”

“And that’s not what I was asking. Presentable is different from beautiful.” Still, you looked appreciative of his praise, allowing yourself to accept it instead of turning it down, and really, that’s the reception Jade likes the most from you. “Oh well. Vil will probably understand anyway.”

Oh? He knew you and Vil kept in touch even after his graduation, but among his list of people who he thought would contact you next, he had not considered someone as busy as Vil Schoenheit to be next. Not that he had any plans of going back to sleep when you were already awake, but now he was more enthused to listen in—intrigued in all matters that had to do with you, and he supposed because it had to do with him, as well.

He doesn’t even have to tell you—you put it on speaker immediately.

“You know, most people these days try to soft launch their relationships on MagiCam, but you did not even do a normal hard launch, no, you went all the way with a wedding announcement. Do you think yourself a celebrity with this kind of secrecy?”

“Ahaha, well–”

“Oh, and before I forget, I’ll be sending you my work schedule. We can’t have you looking like a potato on your wedding day, can we? Do you already have something to wear? If not, I can introduce you to some designers, no need to worry I still remember what styles you like best, and then we can choose which outfit you’ll want to wear best during the ceremony itself, and then the reception—

And we can’t forget about make-up! You–ah, Jade, hello, I just noticed the top of your head peeking near out of frame. I can send you both some palettes that would work best with your skin, the Seven knows I have too much unused make-up from brand deals, and–”

“Vil,” you interrupted suddenly, “not that I don’t appreciate the help, because I do, I mean I haven’t even thought of getting into more comfortable clothes for the reception? But why are you doing so much? Aren’t you busy?”

“I would have to agree. It’s as if you have chosen to take up the task of being our wedding planner.”

“Because it’s bad manners to outdress the newlyweds,” Vil explained, as if it was the simplest thing in the world to understand, “so just this once, the both of you have to look better than me. Understood?”

THE CALL WHERE YOU AND A CROW ARGUE ABOUT WHO WALKS DOWN THE AISLE AS YOUR GUARDIAN (SPOILER: IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN TREIN)

Jade took over the kitchen most days, for as long as he had the time for it. Not only was he confident in his skills but he enjoyed the act of cooking just as much as getting to show off his skills for you.

And of course, because there was the thrill of letting slip that there was some special secret ingredient that always left you slightly perturbed or excited. Not that there was any most of the time, he just wanted to see if you would keep buying it, and he would eat up the slightest hesitation before you eventually gave in because A) you trusted him and knew deep down he was either playing with you or added something he knew you liked, or B) you just wanted to eat your meal already.

One of those was more romantic than the other.

Regardless, he was cooking for you because you seemed like you needed the energy. While the both of you agreed on wanting to get married soon—considering the two of you lived together and were as domestic as couples could get to the point that it was as if he was already a married man anyway—you seemed to wonder if there was enough time to plan everything that still needed to be planned.

“Of course there will be,” he reassured you, momentarily abandoning the meals he had not finished plating to step closer to you, “we still have four months to go, and I’m here to help you, remember?”

“I know, and I love you even more for it.” You don’t waste a single second after he places his hand atop yours, turning your palm over to interlock fingers properly. That’s another thing Jade adores about you—how easily you can confess and show your feelings for him. “A part of me was just hoping wedding planning would be a little easier than it actually is.”

“I’m sure it’s made easier with magic involved,” Jade said with a laugh, “although ceremonies are much simpler under the sea.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean that kind of preparation.” You seemed to be experiencing some degree of unease, likely at the thought of something. “More so… people.”

Jade smiled. Close-lipped.

“If there’s anyone being a bother, or being troublesome–”

“Jade, no,” you interrupted quickly, as if suddenly fearing for the lives of several people. “Not like that. I received an email from Professor Crewel a while ago. Apparently our wedding has become a hot topic in the staff room.”

He blinked, pretending to be surprised.

“Oh my, now why would that be?”

You need not answer that question, not when it was so obvious. You had wormed your way into their hearts in the span of four years, perhaps even more considering how often you visited for the sake of Grim, and now they were attached to ex-Ramshackle Prefect, current pseudo-NRC staff.

(Neither of you were really sure if beast caretaker was a real position considering Crowley had yet to house any beasts beyond Grim, but you liked the allowance and the ability to come and get your cat-not-cat whenever you wanted.)

“I don’t know,” you sighed, legitimately looking a little confused, “but Professor Crewel… he offered to help with the clothes, but I said Vil was already doing that, so instead he said he’d send over some gifts. I mean I expect that on the ceremony day itself, but not months before?”

“May I ask… did you happen to have a favorite professor?” Because it was easy to tell why one of them was buttering you up so suddenly, although he was a tad unsure if it would be for naught. Perhaps you already had someone in mind.

Before you could answer, a song he could not recall having heard before rang out in the room. It was, for a lack of a better term, the type of tune that would be catchy at first until it inevitably became the most annoying sound in existence. Earworm might have been the word for it.

“Ah, Crowley is calling. I forgot that was the ringtone I set for him,” you said, as if that was enough to explain everything.

It was.

“Headmaster–”

“My child, who has grown up so fast to the point of finally getting married.” You exchanged looks with Jade, and while he was evidently more amused than you, he understood the incoming headache. Crowley himself was the incoming headache. “I would just like to remind you that this most generous, gracious, giving headmaster of yours is also your guardian by law, yes?”

As much of a secretive man the headmaster could be, now was certainly not one of those times, and the realization of what your old professors were up to had dawned on you.

“Professor Crewel’s quite generous as well,” you said, “you know, he offered to buy me a few things for the wedding”. It was as if you were pretending to be deep in thought, when in reality you were baiting the crow into either telling you what he wanted outright, or at least offering you something a stingy man like him normally wouldn’t.

Then again, Jade was just a little concerned that even if Crowley did get you something, it would come from NRC’s budget. None of his business, but there was the probability of you feeling guilty over that.

“What, so are you choosing Divus then?”

“Who said I would be choosing Professor Crewel?”

Truthfully Jade did think that, among the whole staff, Headmaster Crowley or Professor Crewel would have been the best choices to take the position of your guardian down the aisle, but perhaps that was merely his impression of who would most want to be in that position as opposed to who you would want.

“See, I was just thinking of having Grim stroll down the aisle considering he’s the closest I have to family, but Jade and I have been talking about whether he should be a flower boy or the ring bearer.”

Yes, that much was true, and while a basket would have been heavy he was partial to flower boy simply because it would be funny to watch him throw petals around the beach, accidentally having his paws sink in the sand, but he could not say that or else be accused of bullying your beloved beast by you.

“So since it can’t be Grim… since he looks after Grim when I can’t, I thought Professor Trein–”

“Absolutely not!” You had ruffled the feathers of the headmaster with one utterance of a name, as though you and the senior professor had personally offended him. With how dramatic he used to be, and seemingly still is, it was very likely he felt that way, Jade thought. “Trein has already walked down the aisle for SO many weddings! This is incredibly unfair for the childless like me.”

“Isn’t Professor Crewel in the exact same situation?”

“No, he has his puppies. That makes him a father. Meanwhile there’s me. I am alone and childless and you are the closest thing I have to a child, will you deprive me of the opportunity to flaunt–ahem, to show my support for the marriage of two very wonderful NRC alumni?”

“Wow,” Jade said, almost in disbelief at such a poor excuse, “that sounded very convincing and not at all falsified. I might ask you to replace my father at this point.”

THE ONE WHERE SOMEONE STRESSES ABOUT HIS WEDDING MORE THAN HIS FAMILY (AND HIM)

Jade had expected that his brother would momentarily make a fuss, that his twin would be filled to the brim with excitement while complaining about how the wedding date was too far and how he should have it sooner.

He also anticipated his parents' congratulations, their happiness in spite of wanting a ceremony under the sea as well, their wishes that you had visited with him today so that they could spoil you with something extravagant for the occasion.

But Azul? Sure, he had expected some degree of fretting, but the octomer was stressing about the wedding as if he was the one getting married. Dear Sea Witch, if this was how Azul was going to act at being his wedding’s caterer, just how much worse would he fuss if he ever got married?

“You should have told me sooner, Jade!” Azul exclaimed, already grabbing a scroll with one tentacle to jot down estimates—Jade was unsure of the specifics but it figured it must have been the usual: assumed guest count (Azul had not even bothered to ask, somehow he just put a number eerily close to the own estimate you and Jade had in your heads), times and dates, which foods and drinks he’ll likely end up having prepared, even from where best to source ingredients around June, the month of the wedding.

“Ah, Trey’s handling the wedding cake and favors, but not the desserts themselves, so feel free to cancel those two out,” the moray added, stifling a laugh at how cross Azul suddenly looked with him.

“I don’t know if I’m more upset at you going to Trey for that when I’m perfectly capable, or for not telling me before I finished the estimate costing. Do you know how difficult it is to cater for big events?”

“With the amount of experience I’ve had assisting you? Of course I know,” Jade pointed out dryly, “and I know just as well that you are incredibly capable. This is simply a small feat for you, Azul.”

“Most caterers in the industry ask for six to twelve months in leeway preparation time when it comes to reservations.” It was phrased to be informative, but really it sounded like he was being chided. “If you had not come to me, I am certain everyone else would have rejected you. Aren’t you fortunate to have me as a… to have connections to someone as capable as me?”

A part of him still hesitated to call Azul a friend. Perhaps it was a case of old habits dying hard, or just for the sake of either one of their prides, but he would never call Azul a friend to his face. Azul was just Azul, who he and his brother stuck around with since childhood because he was interesting, but–

“And congratulations, Jade. I’m happy for you. Who would have thought you would ever marry,” Azul said, smirking and yet refusing to lock eyes with him. Jade thought he might have been a little teary-eyed, but it was harder to tell underwater. Even if he was sure, he had no plans of making fun of Azul for it, just this once.

Just this once, he might admit to himself that Azul was a friend.

THE ONE WHERE HE SURPRISES EVERYONE ONE LAST TIME (BUT IS THERE EVER REALLY A LAST TIME?)

Jade has long prepared for his speech, has it memorized down to the very last word. Even if he hadn’t, it would be relatively easy to say everything on the spot—discuss how he fell for you, the story of how you two got together, the love he did and does and forever will have for you, and of course, how the two of you managed to keep everything a secret until recently. Still, he prepared for it, mostly because he had one last surprise saved for the very end.

You’re a little teary-eyed near the end, what people thought was the end, of his speech; he thinks he can spot his father crying as well, and he wonders if that’ll stop or worsen by the time he has to give out his speech. Azul’s there, nodding his head in approval and clapping as if he had just finished giving a business presentation instead, while Floyd is cheering and hollering and amazingly, his tie has yet to be fully discarded.

On your end of guests, he can spot a few of your friends be mildly surprised from witnessing how heartwarming he could be when he felt like showing it; Malleus Draconia simply radiating joy from being present, still really odd to know his significant other was friends with a future King; Leona, placed at the table farthest from Malleus’, not looking particularly enthused, almost as if he hadn’t brought an expensive gift in hopes of one-upping his fellow prince (although he was certain Kalim had one-upped them both on accident).

The professors were also there, and he had overheard them (rather, Crowley and Crewel, who you eventually decided both got to represent you down the aisle) arguing amongst themselves earlier about who got to dance with you first.

The answer was him, your groom, quite clearly, and perhaps Floyd will want to steal either him or you away for a little bit.

When the clapping ceases he lets out a most bright grin, then again when was he not genuinely smiling and laughing today, before speaking into the microphone once more.

“Once more, I thank all of you for attending this special day. You have all helped make this a memory-filled day… but before I hand the microphone over to my father, I have an announcement to make.” He turned to look at you, still seated beside him and beaming in approval, even throwing a little thumbs up from beneath the table.

He loved you even more for not only letting him, but encouraging him to have one last hurrah.

“I have heard a lot of complaints regarding how sudden we announced our wedding, or perhaps more appropriate to say our relationship status.” He had received a few chuckles out of that one, but who was Jade if not someone who wanted the last laugh? “We, my beloved and I, understand your complaints, and so we took your feedback, went over it carefully, and decided to do better next time.

“That is to say, you are all invited to our second wedding in the Coral Sea. Same date next year, no dress or tail code this time, fufu…”

He loved it—the commotion it caused, the way his father was weeping a little harder, he did wish for the two of them to have the Coral Sea ceremony; the way Azul was calculating the costs of everything again, now with the included costs of actually having the guests be able to breathe; party animals like his brother, Kalim, and Cater easily anticipating another celebration; Ace, Deuce, and Jack having war flashbacks to what happened the first time they visited the place; and most importantly, your reaction.

You already knew what was coming, but he always loved watching the different expressions bleed into your face, and there was just something about how happy you were at the reminder that you’d get to celebrate your union again, but this time in his culture.

With the microphone safely out of his hands and plopped in front of his father, his lips near your ear. The world may already know, but even then he whispers the words themselves as though they were still a secret—

“I love you.”

“You only love me because chaos always follows me around,” you said, clearly joking. Because he’s him, he returns the favor.

“Oh yes, because I stayed in this relationship for over eight years for a joke. I pity you, my dear.”

“Mhmm, if this is what it feels to be pitied by you, I can’t wait to experience it for the rest of our lives.” He’s unsure of who laughed first, but what does it matter, really?

A few of your fingers slipped underneath his gloved hand, idly writing something against his skin that warmed his heart—your new initials.

“I love you too,” you whispered back, and he smiled because he knew. Beneath the politeness and the jokes, the truth was not something that he had to wrangle out of you, but something easily seen and easily told.

“So… how are we pranking them next?”

masterlist

#twst x reader #jade leech x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #jade leech #twst #twisted wonderland #nathya twst writing

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