#fuck arthur

[therummonster]

here's another thing of Champagne and Benny just kinda vibin. ft an au i caused, and one i actually created.

{harpy benny au}fun fact: champagne can absolutely fuck up anyone in his work place, which he often feels tempted to do so. mostly cause they experiment on and traumatize his patients.

[ilaiyayaya]

Ngl I Just Wanted To Complain About Arthur That's All This Is Really About

Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest Chapter 10 is like, so bad but also like so good but also like I fucking hate it but also like it's so good but also like. There is not a single map in the entire Fire Emblem series that I think about nearly as much as Chapter 10 of Conquest, I cannot think of any other map that lives rent free in my head like this piece of shit. I'm not even replaying Fates right now, just sometimes Conquest Chapter 10 just pops up in my brain and I spend 3 hours thinking about it.

When I play Fire Emblem my playstyle is generally super defensive, I like playing on the highest difficulty most of the time and I REFUSE to ever let any units die so like, why would I ever want my defenseless healer or my shitty low as fuck accuracy axe-user to be anywhere near danger, and this map is like the perfect counter to that type of playstyle. It's a super well-designed map, like it's really good, but I hate it so much, it's super early in the game, in Fates the first 5 chapters are a prologue shared between all 3 version, so it's effectively only the 5th chapter of Conquest, and so you don't have a lot of units to choose from, and those units are still pretty weak. I think by Chapter 10 of Conquest you can have 10 units I believe? you get 3 more a few turns in, and those new units are really good and make the rest of the map a lot less stressful, but it's still pretty bad even with those. The whole point of the stage is defending a 4 tile wide gate, but while you would probably assume this means it would be good to play defensively, absolutely not, enemies come in large waves from all sides and if you don't play extremely aggressively you will get overwhelmed within 1 turn. This is really hard to do on this particular map at this point in the game because of the available units, 1 of them is a healer that cannot attack (Elise), 1 is a dancer that technically can attack but does so little damage that she's only really useful for finishing off enemies with like 1 or 2 hp (Azura), and 1 is an optional trainee unit that is probably still too weak to do any more damage than Azura (Mozu). So basically you have 7 actual damage-dealing units to fend off large waves of enemies coming from 3 directions. The worst part is that of these 7 remaining unit, half of them were not at all made to be defensive, 1 is an archer that can take 1 or 2 hits (Niles), but obviously since they're an archer they can't counter attacks from one space away, 1 is a mage that will die in 1 hit (Odin), and 1 is a maid that really is meant more for healing than damage (Felicia), but she can at least do some debuffing and a bit of damage, still dies in like 2 hits tho. That leaves 4 units at the start of the battle that can actually reliably be put in the center of combat without instantly dying AND EVEN THOSE 4 KINDA SUCK AT THEIR JOB, the only truly outstanding unit is Effie who is a fantastic armor knight, whichever spot you place her at she can pretty much solo if you've leveled her even a little bit since her introductory chapter. The other 3 are Corrin (the protagonist) who isn't necessarily bad, and the exp they get from constantly being attacked is really good since they're a required unit for the entire game, but if you haven't levelled them enough by this point they can get overwhelmed pretty easily, another is Silas, who is potentially as good as Effie, but I personally rarely plan to use him long-term, so I usually don't level him a ton before this chapter so he's really weak for me, that's entirely my fault, but like, that valuable exp, I gotta give it to my other more useful units I can't just waste it on someone I'll drop later. The last of the available units at the start of the chapter is Arthur, Arthur is possibly my least favorite character in the entire series, I hate his character, I hate him in gameplay, I don't like his design, there is nothing about Arthur that I like, but you need to use him in this chapter AND HE'S FUCKING USELESS, he is the prime example of axe-users never being able to hit anything, even if you level him a decent amount, he isn't very defensive so he dies pretty quickly, he doesn't do much damage, and it wouldn't even matter if he did do decent damage because his accuracy is laughably poor, I have literally had attempts of this map where I have had him miss every single attack within the first 5 full turns, which is more than enough to kill a run and pretty much require a reset, he is useless, I hate him, I'm not talking about him anymore, fuck Arthur, hate that guy.

The first 3 turns are by far the hardest part of the map, dealing with the first few smaller waves of enemies and setting up your initial walls before reinforcements get to you is strangely enough a lot harder to deal with than the much larger waves of enemies that arrive in later turns, mostly because after turn 3 you get 3 more units and they are all very good. At turn 3, you get 3 extra units, Camilla, Beruka, and Selena, without these 3 this map would be a fucking nightmare (even more than it already is), Camilla alone is extremely strong and can solo most enemy units as long as they're not bow-users, and the other 2 help a lot in picking off every enemy that isn't already being walled off by Camilla or Effie. As the map goes on each new wave of enemies gets bigger and bigger, so it definitely does maintain it's difficulty throughout the entire stage, but once you've gotten a decent foothold after the first few turns, the rest becomes way more manageable. It's still hard, very hard in the 2nd half of the stage, 100% still nightmarishly difficult, and extremely frustrating if you do fuck up and now have to redo nearly an hour's worth of progress, however, whenever I play chapter 10, like 90% of my resets happen within the first 3 turns, those first few turns are brutally difficult, and if you don't simultaneously push the enemy back far enough, and create a good enough wall in the beginning, you will not make it very far once enemy waves start getting bigger in the 4th turn and beyond. It's such an interestingly, and also somewhat frustratingly designed stage, like in most Fire Emblem stages, once I get into a difficult situation I go "hrmm how do I get out of this situation hrmmrmrmrmr" and then I figure it out and I go "yipee!" but in chapter 10, if you make a mistake, and you realize you've made that mistake, it's probably already too late and it's just going to snowball into a much bigger problem within a few turns. I love resetting on turn 9 because a pegasus knight slipped by and killed Elise oopsies.

The way I've been talking about this makes it sounds like the most frustrating, least fun thing you could possibly ever experience in anything ever, and like, yea it kinda is, but it's also weirdly like, really fun??? Like, I feel like there aren't a ton of maps in any FE game that feels quite like Conquest Chapter 10, there are plenty of maps where you have to defend a point, but I don't think there's any others where you have to defend a point, while not playing defensively at all, because if you just sit there and let the enemies come to you, at least one is going to slip by. Like I said at the start of this, I play super defensively in Fire Emblem, I like to minimize risk of any units dying as much as possible, but the best way to minimize risk in this map, is to do the exact opposite as in most maps and just throw all of your strongest units directly into hordes and hope they don't die. Yea it's annoying, yea it's really fucking hard, yea it's really frustrating to reset like 30 times before getting past the 3rd turn even once, but like, it's fun frustrating, it's refreshing, I like it, but I also fucking hate it, fuck this map it's too well designed.

I had like, a lot more things I was gonna say about this map, but like, I forgor a lot of my points l had to go to work mid-writing this and so all thoughts evaporated from my brain and were replaced with PSO2 thinking gif and Soleil brainrot.

It's so sad that Chapter 10 happens too early to get Soleil, really it's probably the biggest actual objective issue with the map, unfortunately an issue shared between many early Conquest maps, if only the devs had the foresight to make Soleil available in Chapter 1, truly a major blunder. God why did they fucking write Soleil so poorly like fuck, her supports are impressively bad, like even for Fates she's written poorly. Soleil truly is the Conquest Chapter 10 of Fire Emblem characters, see I didn't just start talking about Soleil for no reason, there was a reason, it's called circular narrative, yea, yea that's what it is, I'm so good at this writing thing frfr.

[xgermankittycatx]

uther doesn't approve of bottom!arthur, but nevermind the relationship with his manservant

[ALSO, thank you guys so much for all the love in the last merlin meme redraw, i really didn't think it would get that much attention!! :00 so thankyaa <3 you're amazing]

i'm so glad my parents don't follow me on tumblr

[lieu-rey]

first meeting

[sky-is-the-limit]

𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚢, 𝚍𝚘𝚐𝚐𝚢, 𝚌𝚘𝚠𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕, 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚙𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚠𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕, 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚍𝚘𝚐𝚐𝚢, 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚢, 𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚘𝚗, 𝚕𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚑𝚘𝚐, 𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚎𝚘, 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚘𝚐𝚐𝚢, 𝚐𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚍, 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚕𝚎, 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛, 𝚕𝚘𝚝𝚞𝚜, 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚞𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚕𝚢, 𝚋𝚞𝚕𝚕, 𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚛, 𝚙𝚞𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚞𝚜𝚑, 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚘𝚙, 𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚎, 𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚌𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚜, 𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚛𝚞𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚡 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚊𝚝, 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚐 𝚞𝚙, 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚜 𝚞𝚙, 𝚞𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗, 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚍, 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚛, 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛, 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎, 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚗, 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑, 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝, 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚎, 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝, 𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚎.

(gif cred: @itspapillonnoir)

[dollopheadsandclotpoles]

I like how even when Arthur's life is literally being threatened, he's still being a brat about it. The all-powerful keeper of the unicorns tells him the rules to a test that could make or break his entire kingdom and he's all "What kind of a ridiculous test is that!?!? What does that prove" and then makes this face

Like this is why people wanna kill you babe

[shibara]

when u are an asshole eldritch abomination but your friend/airbnb gets sad at the lack of scenery

[destielmemenews]

source 1

source 2

source 3

[nextstopparis]

i really like the hc that magic loved arthur and protected him until merlin came into the picture but very specifically bc it means his idea of like. the laws of physics and How Nature Works would be completely warped. the reason why all those miraculously falling branches didnt raise any questions? its been happening to him his entire life

[brujahinaskirt]

arthur is rude to that one sex worker because the guys are fucking around as they oughtn't be and he actively wants the source of their distraction to go away. that is how he operates through the entire game: deliberate, utilitarian intimidation and strategic unpleasantness to achieve a goal. it is an early game commentary on arthur meant to position him as a big dog that barks. it is not a commentary on his views about women which are clarified many times afterward. you guys realize that right

[exyzedd]

i cannot believe he is the once and future king-he is so dumbass :''')

[soupercreeper]

they are running from the horrors

(individual characters under the cut)

[moonsun2010]

Made an animatic summarising the entire book as a tribute to Dracula Daily and @re-dracula ! English subtitles provided, with translation by me and @ignitingthesky.

if you like this, do check out my kofi! there's a free pack of every single frame

[crustaceousfaggot]

Me whenever I look at fanart for a podcast character

[thatgaywizardoverthere]

Arthur keeping tabs on Merlin day 1 so they can “accidentally” run into each other at the market

[tiredcowboyy]

I hate when people (usually men on reddit) are like “if you met arthur back then he would murder you for breathing in his existence!” Oh would he? When? Before or after he’s finished doodling bunnies and flowers?