Better in the dark.
(a t4t ftm fiddauthor fic with nsfw mentions! love ya)
Fiddleford and Ford have been trying for a while now to..be physically intimate with one another. There’s often heated make out sessions, pulling at hair, marking, all the good stuff, yet.. they still haven’t had sex.
You see; Fiddleford and Ford are both transmen, and are both afraid of the other seeing them naked. Yet, they both crave intimacy with each other.
Fidds hadn’t been as consistent on his testosterone as Ford has, he felt terrified of his lover seeing his “under developed” body.
he cursed himself every time the mention of sex came up. He felt small and feminine compared to the hunkier man, he didn’t want to disappoint him with a body that he didn’t even like.
Ford, on the other hand, was just plainly afraid of being seen as less than a man. The thought of Fidd’s being unhappy with his dick was nauseating. He wanted to be able to fulfill ever desired Fiddleford had, but he felt like he couldn’t. Not with this deformed body.
It was about time to head for bed, the two did their normal nightly routine; lots of kisses, brushing teeth, and soft i love you’s, then lights out. It was so quiet in their shared room that you could hear a pin drop, the silence felt absolutely horrible to Ford.. he desperately wanted to tell his lover how much he needed him.
So he did.
“Hey, Fidds? You awake?..”
“huh..? mhm, yeah.. what’s goin’ on, sugar?”
“Can we talk..?”
Fidds felt himself tense up, “Can we talk?” What!? What was going to happen? What was Ford going to say!!?
“Yeah….?” Fidds replied, voice soft.
“I want to have sex with you.” Ford huffed out swiftly, he needed to rip the bandage off and just go for it, or he’d NEVER say it again.
Fiddleford jumped a little, did Ford really want to have sex with him? Ford felt the movement and reached over to the smaller man, rubbing circles on his back. “Is that okay? Are you upset with me? I’m sorry if that was too much-“
“NO! No, i, i want that too. ‘M just.. I don’t want you to see me.. im afraid.”
“I am too, but, I want to try with you.. if you’ll let me! I want to see you, feel you, I want to know everything about your body..” Fiddleford couldn’t see it; but Ford’s face was beet red. What was he saying!? What if he was making Fiddleford uncomfortable?
“‘M scared you’ll think I’m gross, Stanford.. I don’t want you to be disgusted by me.” Is all Fidds replied with, a deep sigh escaping his lips.
“Honey, there isn’t a single thing that could ever, and i mean EVER, make me feel that way about you. You’re so perfect and handsome, I bet you’re even better below.” Ford stroked the brunettes hair gently, reassuring him with gentle touches and words of affirmation.
“Should we keep the lights off? You might like me more if the lights are off-“
“I can assure you, I’d like you any single way. Lights on or off, that’s all up to you, my love. I just want you to be comfortable, okay..? I’m.. also really scared, I don’t want you to expect something amazing and then ruin it with my non existent penis.” Ford chucked slightly, almost playing it off like it was a joke, it was not.
Fiddleford laughed sincerely, he didn’t care if Stanford had a dick or not, what mattered to him was simply being intertwined. “Hon.. ‘m so behind on my t that im definitely smaller than you.. if anything, im scared you’ll be disappointed with mine.” He slightly positioned himself in front of Ford, grinding playfully on him.
“Lets do lights on, okay?” Fidd’s said; I want to be able to be seen by you.. even if ‘m scared shitless.” The two laughed, “Sure, baby.” Ford replied, kissing the other man softly.
(sorry I fucked this up so bad im so tired and had a long day im going to edit this later .. love you gays)
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