#genderfluid diary

[thousandsofroses]

I just want to say it here because i have nowhere else to say it:

i have had she/they pronouns on my social media bios for like 2 years now at least because i’m afab and not brave enough to say they/she or she/they/he etc etc.

anywayyyys no one ever even uses “they” (classic ppl ignoring the they)

BUT recently THREE ppl have used it in person unexpectedly when referring to me and i cannot explain how seen and held i felt.

and one time i even said “oh she is ok” or “you don’t have to use they if you dont want” and they still did it anyway!!! 😭

the feeling i got just confirmed that i’m not “faking it” i’m actually so genderfluid and finally have been having these precious moments where i feel seen and loved for it for the first time ever and it makes me so emotional

i just need to keep reminding myself i’m valid. even on my girl days when i feel entirely cis and like i’m “faking it”

idk bro it’s so hard to love myself when i can’t even label what gender i am feeling sometimes. it makes me feel like i don’t know who i am, and i can start to feel very isolated from myself. but i just remembered these three moments that have happened and i it’s all i can think about right now i love those people for it❤️

anyway pronouns are important! i pretended publicly like they weren’t important to me but they are and they help me feel like me

[artsy-azure]

Genderfucked

[jinkiesmariz]

Lapis Valentine’s Day thing!!

A little quick sketch of them :3 anyways lemme share like the shit load of art I have of them

Starting with like the colored stuff along with initial headshot + younger lapis. He is so itty- fun fact he gets fur on his arms and grows along his lower back around the time fall and winter roll around and then mostly sheds it off in spring

Also if they saw that aph has the Irene relic they’ll literally study her until he’s able to make a relic on his own

Anyways the kid drawing has a little story to it where Juniper (Lapis’ mentor and guardian) adopted lapis from the streets in order to have someone to pass their magic research onto and to continue it- like brings lapis to their house deep in the woods/kinda jungle area of Tu’la and sooner than later starts to work on a project/studying how enchanting works. They’re grinding up some lapis when they realize they don’t have enough on hand and offhandedly holds their hand out saying “Lapis.” As if asking for it, and ofc the kid gets confused for a moment since they’re just watching the process and instead of retrieving the stone she’s like ? Me lapis? Yes hi :3 and juniper felt too bad to correct them and felt they needed a name Anywyas so Lapis officially joins h the Voidkeeper family !!!

Family guy death pose + other art of them in MCD I’ll make a dump post of them and lu Wei + mystreet au stuff :3 cuz my phone is lagging ooops (last one is an old sketch of mystreet outfit whoopsies)

[gednerbedner]

new Gender idea: instead of actual top surgery (cause i do like my boobs sometimes), tattooed scars on my tits (cause top surgery scars are cool)

[xielianslver]

Y'all listen to me with tragic love life Irene, mf apollo core.

(this only goes for ones she loved/liked back)

Zoey? Just didn't work out.

Esmund? Ehhhh yeahhhh......

Menphia? ...whoopies

Xavier? Very first SK

Shad? VERY BIG WHOOPIES

Zoey (again)? Loses her immortally

Garroth? Irene dimension

Laurance? Shadow Knight aesthetic

Aaron? Soul got torn apart

SHAD??? AGAIN WHAT IS THIS TOXIC YURI SHIT???????????

Girlie is not having a fun time

@the-martyrfication-of-the-matron because of the fact that we are mutuals now and I am annoying I'd think you'd (might) enjoy this :)

[painterofstars]

itt's only hair

[amethystsoda]

one of my fav details in diaries of a spaceport janitor is that when you need to gendershift, the whole world gets ITCHY and mimics being overstimulated--

the graphics glitch out, get a little fuzzy and pixelated, your character starts walking at a sideways angle, and everything just feels WRONG until you can swallow a new gender shift chip

[notquitecharlie]

Name?

3/16/24

Dear friend,

I kinda wanna change my name. I've hated mine for a long time (for a lot of reasons) its too feminine, its too close to my moms name, I cant imagine it without hearing someone using it as insult against me and a few other things but idk, what do you guys think of these names? My current name sounds a little like Paris but a few small changes. Yeah, idk, sorry, this feels weird to say.

Love always,

<3

[diary-of-an-entity]

My gender is whatever flag I've seen lately that looks the coolest

[rileyandrogyne]

Cambridge is my spiritual home 🤎🤎🤎

[thousandsofroses]

walking into women’s locker rooms/dressing rooms/bathrooms as an afab genderfluid person is wild because

my appearance belongs in there but my brain is like… are we… are we an outsider to this experience right now? i think we are, this is weird, act normally tho

[ceaselesswwatch3r]

short introduction because im bored

~my name is ash

~im demiromantic, lesbian and asexual

~fandoms im in: good omens, helluva boss, hazbin hotel, the magnus archives/protocol, what we do in the shadows(tv show+movie), venom, nimona, bbc ghosts, across/into the spiderverse, actually just spiderman in general, broadchurch, merlin, heartstopper, dead boy detectives (although i havent read the comics yet), julie and the phantoms, inside job, and Jackson's diary (mainly Jacksons diary)

~podcasts i have/ am currently listening to because most of them arent well known enough to really have a fandom (if not its just small):

the fall of the house of sunshine (currently), the magnus archives (have), the magnus protocol (currently), the bright sessions (currently), the two princes (have), case 63 (have), 36 questions (have)

~i love getting into podcasts

~my pronouns change but i'll take they/them at any time

~my favourite artists/bands are conan gray, julie and the phantoms cast, the struts, tom cardy, louis tomlinson and girl in red

~i get attached to 'comic relief' characters who actually have more depth than the main character/s

~i love to make art but i dont post it

~i wouldn't be able to survive without headphones

~i might be neurodivergent

[queerfaggotburnout]

almost three months on T, genders getting weird, might be gay???? question mark but like...in a boy direction ahhhh???????????

[gednerbedner]

In 7-10 days, I will have a binder.

[spinnychaircirclecasting]

my mom accidentally they/them'ed me today

We were at a con, and talking to a vendor, and said something about me and my sister (I forget what) using "them" and gesturing at me. Thing is, sis wasn't with us, so vendor guy may or may not have just assumed enby status for me.

Anyways it was kinda cool and I've been kinda digging getting they/them'ed more often

[notquitecharlie]

2/9/24

Dear friend,

I think I'm genderfluid, and I'm coming out as that to you? I found out about that identity a few months ago and its kinda been stuck in my head and more recently I realized that it super applied to me and is the first time I've had a gender that feels like it fits.

Some signs if anyone's interested:

-When I was young, like 3 or 4 I remember going to get a haircut and asking my Mom if I could get the blue guy on Team Umi-Zoomis haircut. She said no because thats a boy haircut and I told her that I was a "nothing" as in not a boy or a girl sometimes...she wasn't happy but I don't think she remembers this interaction. (I got the same haircut then i still have, unnecessarily long with bangs)

-In elementary school I would fantasize about being able to look like a boy, I'd go as far as stuffing my hair in a hat, and wearing my younger brothers shirt. In second grade I even tried using the guys bathroom when there was nobody in there.

-But I still would be okay with "girls" clothes. In fact sometimes I preferred them, like with weird extremeness.

-I've always hated the question "whats your pronouns" i ask it all the time but when people ask me i. get. so. uncomfortable. because I've never wanted to admit to not knowing, especially when sometimes (often might even be a better word) she/her feels right

-My names felt wrong for a long time, i don't think i'd change it but its just something to mention i guess. I'm liking it more today though because i just learned that in germany and sweeden its actually uni-sex and more commonly masc.

-For a long time, I've binded my chest. Like often. I normally do it by wearing two tight sports bras then a xxs "sculpting" tank top (basically just super tight) and folding it over the bras. I've been doing this since before I knew what binding was because I like the way it looks.

-Half the time i want to get a buzzcut more than anything. 25% of the time i love how long my hair is and feel so pretty. The other 25% is sheer panic over these conflicting extremes.

-Recently when i went to my old school a girl got to know me through mutual friends who pretty much only told her I was a lesbian, she decided to just only refer to me with they/them pronouns and holy fuck did it feel good. like so good. it made me so happy.

So, yeah. I'm genderfluid. I don't know if I ever completly hit the extreme of being a trans guy though but that might change. My pronouns are they/she/any. I feel weirdly like euphoric right now typing this out :) have a nice night.

Love always,

M.