#go to bed unless its on some queue

[triangulum-theory]

I hope joe sleeps...

[the-s1lly-corner]

Leaving lipstick marks on various CRPS 1/2

this is probably going to change because queue stuff but i might not write the second part of this with the other characters i write for unless theres a demand for it- brains going crazy but not for writing rn hisshiss characters: slenderman, splendorman, masky, hoodie, ticci toby notes: reader is GN and wears makeup CWs: none

SLENDERMAN

if you can get him to bend down so you can actually reach his face, he lets you pepper his face for as long as you want... assuming he doesnt have anything else that needs to be done

ive mentioned before that physical affection isnt something that slenderman does often, at least in terms of giving... but hes not going to stop you from showing your love for him however you like

if you can catch it, you can see the faintest raise in his cheekbones- hes smiling!

may lightly press where his mouth would be against your own mouth in his own gesture- even though he doesnt do this sort of thing often he knows its important to you... so he at least occasionally returns the favor!

the lipstick marks on his face dont tent to remain on his face for that long, though...

SPLENDORMAN

loooooooves when you kiss all over his face, loves getting affection from you in general

soft chuckles and giggles as you cover his face in lipstick marks, hes trying so hard to remain still for you so the marks dont smudge too bad

keeps the marks on his face for a while, usually until he needs to go interact with someone who isnt you... not that he wants to hide your relationship or anything like that- he wants to keep appearances is all!

will kiss all over you in return, even though he doesnt really wear makeup

you can sometimes hear the bells on his tentacles chime as you hold his face

MASKY

the best youre going to get is kissing on his mask, he... doesnt like taking his mask off around other people.. including you... actually now that you think about it youre not sure if he takes it off even when hes alone

very still when getting kisses from you, its almost a little unnerving how still he is during the entire exchange

sometimes your lipstick leaves stains on his mask so sometimes he may deny you if youre wearing any makeup

not really anything mean against you... he just doesnt want random splotches on the material... you may be able to convince him to take it off so you can clean it for him

will occasionally nuzzle his face against your cheek after you kiss him all over

HOODIE

hes still like masky, but hes more likely to snake his arms around your waist to pull you even closer to him

his mask is made of a fabric so kissing it kind of... feels off.. on top of that you cant see the marks left behind that well due to it being black

though... hoodie may feel inclined to lift his mask up just enough for you to kiss on his actual face- he only ever pulls it up high enough to see the bottom of his nose

sometimes forgets to wash the marks off so when you see him lift his mask up to eat something you just see color splotches all over his skin

grinning the entire time youre kissing him

TICCI TOBY

takes his little mouth cover off for you so you have more skin to kiss, though this only really happens later on in the relationship when you two are closer... hes not exactly ashamed of his cheek scar however he knows it may... put you off..

takes a while for him to warm up to physical affection although he wants it so bad, give him some time and hes going to welcome you with open arms when you want to leave your marks all over his face

literally... hes going to wrap his arms around you and pick you up- if youre close enough to a bed or couch hes going to fall back

typically turns into a bit of a cuddle session as well

sometimes hates that your makeup can leave patches of color, but he loves the attention more than he hates the cleanup

[magicalrocketships]

Rivers of Light || part 7 ||

(reminder that this in its entirety contains mpreg, reference to giving birth, Max Verstappen's bad dad, past abuse, and on-track accidents.)

All previous parts can be found in the masterpost here.

Max hasn't been scared before. Not really, not like this. But he's been scared without pause since he found out he was pregnant. It's exhausting. It's terrifying. And Max doesn't know how to make it stop.

Part 7

Bastiaan cries all the way from Viry-Châtillon to the hotel Daniel's booked for them. He's tired and cranky and hates his car seat and wants to be home where it's familiar and quiet and is just him and Max.

Max understands. He feels the same. He's overwhelmed and exhausted too. He hasn't slept through the night since before Bastiaan was born; every moment he's had with his baby he's had to figure out by himself. He doesn't have anyone else. He strokes Bastiaan's forehead and cheek with his thumb. It soothes him some of the time. His daddy's touch.

It doesn't work this time. Nothing's going to soothe him but being out of the car seat. Or sleeping.

"It's okay, little baby," Max tells him. "I know everything's been different. I know you want to be at home. Everything is new, and you like the things you know. You're being very brave, but I know you've had enough." Max has had enough too. He feels like when a cup's too full and the water tips over the top and onto the table. He's got nowhere to put anything new. He doesn't know how to fix it.

"It won't be long," Daniel says. "Less than five minutes."

Max looks up. Daniel's looking at him in the rear view mirror as they wait at traffic lights. Max can't hide his exhaustion. His elation at having a chance. His fear that it won't work out. Max hasn't been scared before. Not really, not like this. But he's been scared without pause since he found out he was pregnant. It's exhausting. It's terrifying. And Max doesn't know how to make it stop.

"Not long now, Bastiaan," Daniel says.

Max doesn't cry, but it doesn't stop him wanting to.

&&&

Max doesn't go to the check-in desk with Daniel. There's a queue, so Max takes the pushchair over to the sofas in the corner instead and concentrates on taking a sad, frowny Bastiaan out of his car seat. It's not good for a baby as little as Bastiaan to be so much in his seat but this trip is an exception and not the rule.

"There we are," Max tells Bastiaan softly, kissing the top of his head. "Is that better, my baby?"

Bastiaan rubs his cheek over Max's t-shirt. He likes it best when Max isn't wearing a t-shirt at all, never mind the compression vest that's hurting Max underneath it. Max shushes him, giving him a little slow rock to settle him.

When Daniel comes over, he's pink-cheeked. "I fucked up." He glances at Bastiaan. "Sorry for swearing."

Max shakes his head. "He's a baby, he is barely holding his head up. He can hear a bad word and not be saying it just yet."

"I thought I was booking you a family room and keeping my room, but my French is apparently pretty merde because they thought I was amending my own room booking instead. And they're full up unless someone doesn't check in for this security conference and cancels at the last minute. Which so far they haven't."

"I was going to stay in the airport anyway," Max says. He squares his shoulders. "You can just drop us there instead."

"No," Daniel says, making a face. "Don't be an idiot. We're just going to have to share the family room instead. The guy behind the counter was doing some pretty ineffective miming but I think there's a roll out bed."

"Oh," Max says. "Okay."

"Unless you don't want to," Daniel says quickly, "and if so, I'll be the one to go and find another room. They said they'd call if anyone cancelled anyway."

"The baby will keep you awake," Max says. "He doesn't like to sleep through the night."

"Ehh," Daniel says. "Neither do I. We can be insomniac buddies." He grins and it might not look exactly like the grins Max has carefully catalogued through years of long distance devotion but it's close enough that Max might be mistaken. It has been a while since he'd seen Daniel. Since Daniel had not contacted him after the crash.

"Okay," Max says. "Let's go." He has his rucksack and the changing bag and his suitcase and the pushchair. Daniel has a scuff-free leather hold-all with his initials embossed and the backpack he'd brought onto the plane. He takes Max's suitcase and manages to manoeuvre both it and the pushchair one-handed towards the lifts. Max is left following with Bastiaan, his little quiet baby with his little tear-stained face. Max kisses him. He is loved. He's so loved. Max is going to make sure he always knows it.

&&&

The room is nice but not as big as Max secretly wants. There's a large bed, a smaller twin bed over by the window, and a space where a crib would go if there was one. Which there isn't.

Max lets out a breath. He lays Bastiaan down in the middle of the bed. Bastiaan doesn't have many toys, because Max doesn't have anyone to give him any, and because Max has barely been anywhere since he was born, and before that, hadn't thought about buying anything but the barest practicalities. There's a soft rattle shaped like a lamb, and a toy giraffe. Both of them came from Celine, when she'd texted him to find out how he was doing, and he'd texted back to say that he was in hospital and Bastiaan was seven hours old. She'd closed the cafe after lunch, driven to the hospital, and delivered Max a baby blanket, the giraffe, and the rattle. She'd hugged him, held Bastiaan, and come back the following morning to drive them both home. She was the one who'd shown Max how to bath Bastiaan in the sink, how to test the water temperature and hold him and gently bathe him. Max needs to do better. The only person Bastiaan has is Max.

He gets out the giraffe and the rattle from his backpack. Bastiaan closes his little hand around the giraffe's neck. He wriggles his legs. His eyes track Max as Max moves, as he stands up to put his bag down.

"I forgot to buy baby wipes," Max says. "I'm running out." He's tired. "Can you look up if there's a shop near?"

"I'll do one better," Daniel says. He's thumbing through his phone. "I've got to go to the shop myself. Need a couple of things. I'll sort out somewhere for the baby to sleep as well." He shows Max a picture of baby wipes. "Are these okay?"

Max doesn't know enough to have a preference. "If they are for babies," he says. He sits down on the bed next to his baby. Bastiaan's still wriggling. His little hands move. His toes are curling and stretching out in his little socks. "I can go myself."

"Or," Daniel says, "I can go and give you a break from my company. You and Bastiaan can hang out. Do you need nappies or anything?"

"We're probably okay," Max says. He doesn't think about the emptying box at home. It'll be fine. He'll sign whatever contract Cyril gives him so long as it means he doesn't have to start worrying about anything for Bastiaan.

"You want me to bring you some Red Bull or something?"

Max shakes his head. His dad had made him go cold turkey on Red Bull after he was fired, and it wasn't like Max had been mobile enough at the time to go and find an alternative. Now he's supposed to be limiting his caffeine intake because he's feeding Bastiaan, so if he'll have anything it probably won't be an energy drink. "I'm okay," he says. "Thank you."

"Okay," Daniel says. Then, "Fuck, I don't have your number. You've changed it, right? Either that or you've blocked me."

Max looks at him. "I haven't blocked you."

"Well then," Daniel says. "I'm going to need your number. To call. If there are decisions to be made about baby wipes." He holds his phone out for Max to take. It's open at Max's contact page, and Max's number is there, the one he had before. The one that belongs to a sim card Max destroyed with a pair of pliers in the corner of a car park a couple of hours after running away from his dad's place. He'd wiped his phone and his laptop before leaving. Had to create a new Apple ID because his dad tracked his location via his old one. Traded in his car for another one in a deal that only benefited the car salesman and not Max. He'd registered the car to his mum's address even though he hadn't seen her since before he left Formula 1. He hadn't had anywhere else to put down.

For nine months, Max has kept his location a secret from his dad. And now he's just shown up at Renault and asked for a job. If it works out, his dad's going to know exactly where Max and his baby are.

Max lets out a breath. He types his telephone number into Daniel's phone and saves his contact record. "There," he says. "My number."

"Great," Daniel says. "Lemme give you a missed call so you've got mine." He does finger guns at Max after Max's phone starts to buzz. "Can't get rid of me now, bud."

Max thinks back to after the accident. His concussion. His dad looking through Max's phone. Reading out his messages to him because Max couldn't look at a screen for weeks. Daniel hadn't called. Hadn't texted. Hadn’t got in touch.

It wasn't Max who'd got rid of Daniel. It had been the other way around.

"I've got a couple of things to get," Daniel says, "so don't miss me too hard. I'll be back in time to take us to Cyril's, promise."

"Okay, Daniel," Max says. He unlaces his shoes and takes them off. He gets on the bed next to Bastiaan, curling around him like a protective letter C. "Hello, my baby. Are you playing with your toys?"

Bastiaan replies by bringing his fist up to his mouth. He starts to suck on it, his little sign that he's hungry. Max kisses his soft hair.

When he looks up, Daniel's still there. He's watching them both. He looks almost sad.

"I'll see you," Daniel says.

"Yeah," Max says. He waits until the door's closed after him, until Daniel's footsteps have padded away down the hallway.

Max sits up, pulls his t-shirt over his head, unzips his compression top, and lets out a breath. His tits hurt. There are harsh red lines pressed into Max's skin. He wants to be at home where he doesn't have to wear it. He picks his baby up. Bastiaan's already rooting for him.

"My hungry baby," Max says. For a second, Max's eyes blur with tears, but this isn't him. He's not a crier. He's stronger than that. Better than that. He's been bred not to cry.

Bastiaan latches on. It's sore. Max looks down at him. Strokes his hair. His cheek. Lets Bastiaan hold onto his thumb.

"It's just the two of us, hey?" Max says. "Me and you, my little baby. Me and you."

He scrubs away his tears with the back of his hand, and Bastiaan holds on.

[baizhoobies]

Good Morning! “Waking up with…” gn!Headcanons

Request: Hey!!! How are you? Can I request morning headcanons with Sigma, Bram, Kunikida and Fyodor? Can be suggestive if you want. Thank you have a good day!

A/N: Hiya! thank you for the request :3 I am doing okay thank you for asking! Also one last thank you to those in the requests queue who are waiting! I love and appreciate you

Warnings: suggestive, swearing, mostly fluff and sweet domesticity, 18+

Including: Sigma, Bram, Kunikida and Fyodor

Sigma

- Okay to start off with, lets say you both live in the casino together, he has one of those fancy VIP looking rooms

- your bed is ridiculously comfy, as the manager/owner, he has to have a good nights rest (plus working in the DOA the man needs some good fucking sleep)

- Sigma is enamoured with you, he wants nothing more than to be with you and to express his love for you, so he will make sure you are at your most comfort, with your preferred duvet covers, pillows, the works

- He looks like a sleeping beauty whilst he sleeps, so if you are the first to wake up and look at him… if you weren’t madly in love with him, you are now

- clingyyyyyyy

- super clingy, the man doesn’t know what home is but he knows he is at home with you. Keeping that in mind, he will probably prefer to be the big spoon, holding you tightly like some sort of teddy bear

- If he is the first person to wake up whilst he is the big spoon, he will probably try to wake you up with kisses on your neck and shoulders

- though I won’t lie, if you roll over in your sleep to become the big spoon, he will love that just as much

- knowing that you love him and wish to embrace him is enough to make his heart flutter and feel even more at home with you

- he loves the way you smell, your soft breaths and the way your skin feels against his own; soft and warm

- probably keeps a pillow or something and sprays it with your perfume so if you are away for any reason, he can sleep a lot better whilst thinking of you

- I can’t see him being the most active person in the morning, he will definitely want an extra 10 minutes. Even if you want to get out of bed, he just wants to cuddle and how can you refuse his puppy dog eyes?

- Probably doesn’t engage in anything sexual though, at least not in your sleep unless you talk about it prior. Though in saying that, if you have breasts, he will hold onto them like some sort of stress toy, or out of comfort

- I am picturing him doing this, half awake but the moment he hears your moans in your sleep, he’s only going to keep doing it until you are awake 🤭

Bram

- oooh boy, okay I am going to take liberty and allow Bram to have all of his limbs, maybe this scenario is before the events of BSD?

- If you are both vampires, its natural that neither of you will be awake in the morning as ya’ll sleep all day. So I am going to assume your mornings are actually in the evening after sunset

- Not that either of you are allergic to the sun (as seen in the anime/manga) but its a vampires natural sleeping pattern to sleep during the day, and I assume he did when he was living in his estate in Europe.

- He will most likely wake up out of hunger than anything else. You guys could sleep for centuries if you wanted, so the only reason to wake up is to feed, and perhaps spend time with you

- I am gunna say that ya’ll rest in a double sized coffin (yes, they exist) you are his partner after all and wishes to hold you close

- probably will have anxiety if you were in another coffin

- he’s a gentleman, if he wakes up first he will pull you closer and purposefully rest your head on his chest. In one manga panel its seen that he has claws? Or long nails? Will draw circles into your back/shoulders, humming contently as he does so

- if you guys are spooning, he will kiss your spine and your shoulders, but he will only really do this if he is in the mood… might even sneak a hand around and have a cheeky little touch~

- if you aren’t a vampire, he will probably follow your sleeping patterns. Ain’t no way is he going to wake up whilst you go to bed, nuh uh.

- nothing much would be different except Bram being a little dramatic in the mornings

- Like he will say some shit like “human, you have disturbed my slumber, why must your weak bodies-” promptly tell him to shut up and give him a kiss, he will soon shut up

- he will convince you to sleep longer, or at least lay there with him so he can sleep some more

- promise to make out with him, or wake him up if ygm, this may convince him to wake up and indulge 🫡

Kunikida

- So this man ensures that he gets 7 hours of sleep every night; its essential for him to feel refreshed and ready for when he wakes up in the morning. He the type of guy who will wake up immediately at the sound of his alarm, get out of bed, shower etc.. all according to his notebook

- HOWEVER

- Ever since you moved in, he's found himself becoming.. sloppy with his schedules

- Kunikida doesn't strike me as the guy to enforce his schedule onto his s/o, the word 'no' is a foreign word to him when it comes to you

- So lets say his alarm goes off in the morning, he goes to turn it off and get out of bed, but oh no! Your legs are intertwined, your head on his chest and your arms snaked around his waist.

- Despite his best efforts to convince himself to get immediately ready for the day, he will let out one huge sigh and set the alarm to snooze...and then snooze again, and again.

- Kunikida's biggest weakness is cuddles, especially whilst you are sleeping so adorably

- He might curse himself for breaking his schedule but, you certainly are worth it

- He may even incorporate snuggle time into his schedule just to say that he is following his ideals to feel better about himself

- LOVES to watch you sleep, I know bro is romantical (but will never admit it) he will just stare at your features, it doesn’t matter if you snore or have your hair all a mess, or whatever, he just is so in love with you.

- He takes this time to reflect on your relationship together, he probably practices ‘gratitude affirmations’ and you are certainly one of them

- Not the type of person to fulfil his desires in your sleep, he'd rather wait till you're awake before initiating anything, HOWEVER, if you are the first to awake, he certainly isn't going to complain waking up to you under the covers, iygm 😏

- Note in diary: woke up to sloppy toppy at 7am

- Expect breakfast in bed at the weekends, those are the days he has more time in the mornings and will make the extra effort in pampering you. You like coffee? Well the man owns one of those fancy coffee machines, Idc what anyone says, he does.

- Kisses with the taste of coffee on his lips >

Fyodor

- This was hard but I like a challenge (plus the recent episode got me quaking)

- Fyodor does not sleep a lot, over working himself on his plots and schemes, 100% will need convincing to join you in bed

- He would wake up first, no matter what. You would never catch him sleeping, like ever

- even if you get up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, the man just senses when you are awake (he is probably a very light sleeper)

- its most likely to do with the fact that when you are sleeping, its quite a vulnerable state and although he is comfortable with you, he struggles to turn that side of him off

- As he wakes up before you, it gives him a chance to watch you resting peacefully, he leans over you and just takes in the view

- He will gently brush the hair from your face and just… he just thinks you are precious and wants nothing more than to just take a moment and reflect on it

- If its coming close to having to get up for whatever reason, he will stroke your hair and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, most likely calling you Russian pet names and shit

- Although he is the first awake, he won’t get out of bed until you are ready

- I can’t see him being a person who’d want to cuddle in bed really, going to sleep or waking up. He is a little touch starved but in the sense that he doesn’t quite know how to be physically affectionate

- though catch him on a day where he is particularly sleepy, then he will be more likely to let his guard down and cuddle (he can’t keep up this criminal master mind shit 24/7)

- I don’t think he’d be super relentlessly horny in the mornings, but if he is for whatever reason, he would (like the whispering you awake HCs) he would probably give you a few sleepy neck kisses, caressing your body with his nimble fingers and enjoys watching you squirm and whimper yourself awake.

[skyeslittlecorner]

On the other side - Andrealphus

I have no idea who proposed it because sadly I can't find it (found you! Thanks for inspiration @\rae-pss!), but someone came up with an idea of what would happen if the characters from WHB started to realize that the MC was not us. That there is someone on the other side of the screen who takes care of them. I created a little silly fic loosely interpreting it.

Word count: 1284

Other parts: On the other side | Promised Land | Point to point | Love is blind (18+)

꧁:･ ✡ ･:꧂

Life is so repeatable. Work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, only with some little pleasures in between. You took off jacket, threw it away and plopped down at the chair. Old phone landed on a table as you were struggling with thoughts whether to eat instant noodles today or heat up yesterday's dinner.

"Come on, boys." You turn on game and tapped loading screen just from boredroom. "I don't have all evening."

You wanted to have a pet, you've considered it a lot. But with these earnings, the closest thing to an animal in this house were fish sticks. So all that had left to do was talk to fictional hot guys. At least they don't need to be feed.

When Andrea appeared on the display, you tapped on him with a smile.

"Hi, babygirl."

"Who’s there…?"

You've never seen this speech bubble before. Update? But nothing downloaded, and any additional files were in a queue. Well, maybe it was one of those little tweaks nobody notice. You tapped the screen about three hundred more times to see if there were any new voice lines, but this time everything was the same. Maybe it was just a combination of overactive imagination and tiredness. Yes. Instant noodles will be a better option, you will make them faster and go to bed faster.

꧁:･ ✡ ･:꧂

"…and then this stupid bitch said it was all my fault." 

Lying half on the chair, half on the desk, and half somewhere in between, you were chatting with a friend on Discord and doing tasks for nightmare pass.

"That sucks. What are you going to do about it?"

"No idea. But if they take my bonus because of her, I'll kill her, I swear."

"I hope everything will be fine, but I have to go. Sorry."

"Yeah… Have fun on a date."

"Thanks!"

Hearing the disconnection sound, you sighed. Obviously, you couldn't blame them, keeping fingers crossed that they had found their other half of orange, but now they didn't even have time to meet for coffee, and you lived three minutes' walk from each other. Talking together, joking together, everything faded into the background. In addition, work was getting worse...

"I also hope everything will work out"

The voice sounded different. Familiar. But they definitely weren't your friend. You quickly checked the screen to see if anyone had joined the voice chat, but the screen was blank.

"What… Who? How?" Of course, there was no one around the room. Is this the beginning of hallucinations?

"I'd like to ask this too."

The voice that came from the speakers. From the telephone. From...?

The phone screen showed only a familiar sprite turning its head from side to side.  You forgot about the strange update from a few days ago. Was that it again? Andrea's red braid was beautifully animated, and facial expressions changed, delicate movements of the eyebrows and lips showed new emotions. It really looked stunningly real.

"Gorgeous." You complimented in a whisper godly work of the animator. "I can't wait until you get L, since you already look so sexy as S..."

"What are S and L...?"

He answered without tapping. Moreover, he tilted his head as if listening. There's been a lot of talk about AI lately, but you didn't agree to use the microphone in game… Unless it's some stinky term of services. This needs to be turned off, it will probably be in the settings. But after checking options, there was nothing like that there.

"Strange…"

"Trust me, I find it unnatural too." Andrea replied with an uncertain smile. "I hear you, but I don't feel anyone around me. But your voice… It’s nice. Can you keep talking? It feels good to be less... alone."

He sounded so much in character. Whoever programmed this, put a lot of work into it. It was a little weird... but you were so tired and done that chatting with the AI seemed like a nice change.

"Sure. It's weird talking to the screen, but well, I do it all the time anyway. Good thing it’s only an AI, because if anyone heard half the nonsense I moan, they'd probably send me to solitary confinement."

"You're calling grown man babygirl."

"Because you are!"

He chuckled, and it felt almost like a talking to an actual human. Muttering such nonsense, you felt ashamed for a moment. If the government suddenly started eavesdropping, the agent who was in charge was such a poor man.

"Tell me something else." He asked. "I've been hearing your voice for several days. I'd like to finally know who I'm having the pleasure of talking with."

He didn't have to ask twice. Of course, without providing any personal details, but you could give him your name. And told about that stupid bitch at work...

꧁:･ ✡ ･:꧂

You checked tumblr, checked X, and checked the official website of the game. There was no word about an update anywhere, and after writing that this new option with talking to devils was great, all mutuals started to worry if everything was okay or asked how to unlock it. What were you supposed to tell them? That it just appeared?

What's worse, you started to treat Andrea like an ordinary person. A human being. Turning on the game during cleaning, cooking or making bed, talking to that little devil on the screen, and... listening to his stories. He spoke so beautifully. Talked about how he likes to spend his time (if not murdering angels), or what everyday life in Nilfheim is like. Sometimes he worried about the war, sometimes was happy when you stayed with him longer being off work.

"My blindness is truly a gift." He said one day with a dreamy smile.

"Why so?"

"In this daily hustle, if my eyes were still working properly, I certainly wouldn't be able to hear you, a small voice in my consciousness. I thought there was something wrong with me. But when I finally focused, you heard me too."

What he said was so similar to what you remembered about own feelings. Longing tightened your chest, longing for someone who didn't exist in this world, and that feeling turned into pain.

"I'm also glad we can hear from each other." Your voice changed noticeably. 

Andrea sensed it.

"Now that we've been able to talk, maybe one day we'll be able to touch each other?" He held his hand out in front of him, but you knew he couldn't pass through the screen. Still, you placed a finger where his hand was. Stupid mind was tricking you that you could feel his warmth. Tears came to your eyes.

"One day." You whispered with a trembling voice. "I don't know how, but one day we will."

"Do not cry, please. I don't want you to ever cry because of me.”

You tried to keep calm, but it was no use. Maybe one day, in another time, in another reality. Maybe it will work. No, it has to work. No matter how crazy others might think you were, this wasn't the world you were supposed to stay in. Your intended one waited patiently on the other side of the screen. You just didn't know how to do it. Not yet.

[saddogs-blog]

MCU Peter Parker x Stark daughter reader

I have always been the left out child. ALWAYS. Morgan is the favorite I don't really know why but she is and dad is always fussing over Peter saying "He's the son I never got" and "He is so perfect" And loads of other sh!t like that. Always constantly comparing me to him sense he is my age and I'm sick of it. Now I just stay in my room and barely get out unless I'm hanging out with friends which is rare, especially sense they ditched me and started leaving me out. The only person who I think really likes me is Morgan, she is the nicest girl in the world, and I know why she is the favorite, cause she is so nice and young and pretty. I'm in my room like usual trying to go to sleep in the middle of the day, just so I have an excuse to stay in my room. But after about an hour of trying I figured it was useless and went to the bathroom to go get some sleep medicine. The bathroom with the medicine was next to the dinner table, my parents don't allow me to keep medicine in my bathroom so I have to walk all the way down stairs. Doesn't seem like a lot but after staying in bed and not getting up in over a week it is a lot.

"Hey, sense your down why don't you get some food we're having a late lunch"

"We tried to wait for you but you were taking forever and we were hungry" Said Morgan with her cute little young voice.

"No thank you I'm not very hungry"

"Are you sure? I haven't seen you at the table in over a week" Pepper started I could hear the genuine concern in her voice.

"Yea I'm sure" I then go to the bathroom and take three dozes of the medicine and then go back up to my room and go to bed. This depressive episode of mine started about a month or two ago, it just kinda snapped in me.

"Hey, just wanted to let you know Peter is coming to stay over for the weekend he will be here in a few and I really want y'all to meet so I would get ready if i were you" THE WEEKEND I immediately shot up out of bed. When I went to bed with the medicine it was only Wednesday how did I sleep to Saturday. The fast shot out of bed made my head throb.

"Hey, you okay?" Dad asked and I realized he was still in the room.

"Yea, yea, I'm fine, I'm going to get dressed and ready now" Making sure he got the queue to leave. I got dressed in a simple pair of navy green sweatpants and a black shirt, and hurried up to get my makeup and hair done. By the time I finished my makeup and was about to pull my hair up I heard the door open and knew that that was Peter. So I quickly ran to put my brush back when I suddenly got dizzy and put my hand on the wall to catch myself.

"Hey, Peter's here" He called up to me.

"COMING" I screamed down. I put my brush away and quickly put my hair up in a lazy high ponytail. I walked slowly down the stairs and was met with Peter's dark brown eyes.

"Hi, you must be Y/n, I'm Peter" He put out his hand for me to shake and I did.

"Nice to meet you"

"So guys, I have an emergency mission that Rogers just sent me so I have to get going, why don't you guys work on that backup system together" I have been working on this backup system for dad's thing lately when I'm not sleeping which is almost never.

"Y/n seems to need some help with it seeing as she didn't finish it yet" Of course dad has to do that classic dad.

"Okay listen I can finish that backup system on my own okay? you just make yourself at home" I said immediately after dad left.

"Are you sure? Mr Stark says you need help" I know he's just trying to be nice but he's pushing my buttons.

"I'm sure I can complete the project that I started" After a couple more minutes of bickering we agreed that I can do the work and he can just stay in the room.

"Um actually I think that that should go right there" He sounded hesitant and he should be. I cant believe he has the freaking audacity to tell me how to build my own build.

"I got it, thanks" I said a little more ruder then I expected but its fine. He keeps trying to help and I keep pointing out why that wouldn't work. In my head I am freaking out with all these intrusive thoughts what if he thinks I'm stupid, what if this project really wont work and dad will be mad at me, what do I do. My head throbs again making me dizzy and I lean against the table for support.

"Are you okay?" Peter says sounding worried I look in his eyes for any sarcasm but there is none he is genuinely concerned which I would expect from dad's perfect son.

"Yes, I'm fine"

"Are you sure? maybe you should sit down for a sec"

"IM FINE GOSH DAMN IT" Peter seems alarmed from my sudden outburst.

"Why do you have to be so perfect all the time, why cant I find a single flaw in you, no wonder my own dad likes you better than me, your f!cking perfect, and next to you I am just a broken useless piece of metal" Peter looks like he feels bad for me and is about to say something when I walk off, but not even three steps later my knees buckle and I fall but before my head can hit the ground Peter catches me in his arms.

"Mr Stark!!" Peter is yelling for my dad we'll staring at my unconscious figure. Thank goodness my dad just got home from his mission and immediately ran down stairs and lifted me up in his arms and took me to my room.

When I wake up I see my dad next to me with his head in his hands.

"Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?" I'm shocked by this tone in his voice I haven't heard yet.

"Fine" I say simply, we'll sitting up.

"Hey, um, I talked to Peter after you passed out and he told me about your outburst. Y/n I don't like Peter more than you, yes I keep talking about him but that's cause he is just an amazing person, he is a human he does have flaws you just cant see them yet. And Y/n you are not worthless or useless. You are amazing, and it's my fault for not showing you that" He envelops me in a hug and we talk a little bit more and I tell him about my depressive episode and how I haven't eaten in about two weeks now and my oversleeping habit and my friends and everything. After all the talking which is the most I've done in months he goes to make me some dinner, and I go to apologize to Peter. The simple small knock I placed on his door was enough for him to immediately turn toward me and that worried look he had on earlier was placed back on.

"Hey, are you okay? feeling better?" he asks gesturing to the foot of his bed telling me to take a seat, and I gladly accept.

"Yea, yea, I'm fine, listen, I just wanted to apologize for my outburst earlier I should've known that your human and you do have flaws, and I shouldn't have yelled at you like that when all you have been is nice to me" Peter could see that I'm starting to freak out and he places his hand on my arm gently rubbing circles on my arm.

"No, no, it's my fault, I shouldn't of made you feel like that"

"No, no, Peter this is my fault, mine, and you have to let me apologize" After that we start talking some more and realize we have a lot in common, but soon dad yells upstairs.

"DINNER IS READY" We get off the bed and he takes my hand and leads me to the dinner table. Both dad and Peter make sure I eat this time, I don't eat a lot cause I got full really fast. Dad announces that tomorrow I have a doctors appointment. My face grimaces, and dad shrugs, Peter gives me a sarcastic "I'm sorry" look and I kick him from under the table.

"Shut up" I say laughing.

[muu-kun]

What Makes Your Muses Body Unique?

Simple premise. Give 5 (or more) headcanons about your muses' body. Hands, eyes, feet, birthmarks, tricks--anything! Tagged by: @tximidity

Features spanning across the ages: Past (bottom icon) and Present (top icon)

Heart shaped face seen in the detailing and relationship between the roundness of his face around his eyes and the angles of cheeks until they meet to form a pointed chin.

I've discussed it before, but I'm mentioning once more (as well as including an image) the fact he has what is known as clinodactyly. It is isolated to three fingers on each hand-- pinky, index, and ring-- with each one varying in severity from one another. All of which in that exact order. These fingers of his are also all double jointed. The bottom knuckles, however, in ALL of his fingers are bulbous in shape. They curvatures of them fit perfectly amongst each other like a puzzle. The same cannot be said about the top knuckles, though, as gaps surround his middle fingers on each sides.

He has a silly little scar at a place very few can see. One of which acquired from an injury sustained as a teenager as a result of doing something he had ought to not be up to in the first place. In an attempt to climb over a metal fence into an area he'd otherwise not been permitted into, and unsupervised at that, he managed to get comically stuck in his hurdle over it by way of his shorts getting caught onto a sticking out piece of metal. Rather than proceed with caution, he adamantly lunged downwards with all of his effort, slicing through his attire and that of the top of his gluteal cleft to the inches just above it. It isn't entirely noticeable unless one is truly looking in that area, and yet in knowing of it the male can't quite help himself from finding joy in its existence. Especially when considering the fact it acts as his nearly invisible tail each time he excitedly sways his hips as though he's wagging it via an energetic stim.

Another feature he finds to be a delight about himself is the fact he has an outie belly button. He's never wished to cosmetically change it in anyway as it has never caused him any pain or problems. He'll never be able to get a piercing there, no, but that's okay on account it looks cute as a button on its own already. It also rests perfectly within his softened stomach. It is where his fat cells deposit themselves most prominently, and has a tendency to consistently bloat forward due to a combination of stored negativity and a hormone imbalance. Muu always has, and always will, calls it his baby fat.

Speaking of body fat, Muu is otherwise rather lacking in that department as he is generally petite across the majority of his physique. Some of which is contributed to an active lifestyle dictated by consistently walking his dog, going on foot or by bicycle to places close enough to not require his vehicle, or public transport even, routine pacing in instances in which he's attempting to physically regulate out an intense emotion, a whole food diet centered on his entirely vegan lifestyle, and plenty, PLENTY of sleep. Muu's actively in bed by no later than 10pm an any given evening as he for one doesn't like to exist in the dark any longer than he has to, and also because he just is very invested in listening to his body for queues it needs an abundance of rest. Consider yourself lucky if you ever invite him to something taking place after eight pm, because by then he'd ideally like to already he in his jammies with the intention of unwinding and settling down for slumber. His slim frame is also a contribution of an underlying eating disorder centered on withholding food from himself whenever he's under the impression that he ought to be punished for his perceived failures of the day; however, he's growing more inclined to forget such a habit in favor of snacking on vitamin rich treats as hunger and hurt go more together than the version of himself who started up the habit in the first place knew about. He's also taking on the role of gentle parenting himself, which does sometimes mean sneaking himself vegan cookies to boost positivity while negative voice inside his head is distracted. All in all, he weighs an astounding 115lbs / 52kg. Already on the thin side, where one can notice it the most is in his teeny, tiny ankles. Them and his wrists are minute in their circumferences, which isn't entirely of any surprise as both his hands and feet are small for even a man of his stature. Fun fact: both his shoe size and his ring size are that of a size seven in traditional American sizing.

[harfanfare]

How to win a heart of Leona Kingscholar?

1.       Be able to make braids.

“Don’t move” you switched the left strand of chestnut hair with the one in the center and swapped the right strand with the current center. “You should brush your hair more often. If not, it will get more knotted…”

Leona mumbled something about naturally tangling hair, but stood still. He watched sleepily your hands that played with his hair while you were trying to create solid plait.

His braids got destroyed after lessons with sir Vargas, so you suggested that you will do them again. In this way, he could lay on his cozy bed and with some kind of amusement and pleasure, watching you so closely…

 2.       Be kind and obedient pillow.

“Hey, w-wait! I have lessons in a minute..!” you tried to get out of Leona’s embrace, who drew you towards his bed, hugged you, and didn’t move since then.

“Pillows do not talk” he covered your mouth with his hand and cocked his head a bit. The gaze he send you wasn’t as annoying it should look right now as inexplicably appealing. You suddenly got quiet. “Sleep has a great impact on our health, don’t you know, herbivore? As it’s said… you can’t put school before your health”

“You say that because you just don’t want to listen to professor Trein”

“I'd fall asleep anyway. Then why not pick someplace more comfortable?”

 3.       Try new things.

“But why don’t we add this… and this?” you picked up two vials, pink and lime, and swung them a bit. Small water tornadoes formed in the vessels. “In textbook, they didn’t write anything that they shouldn’t be mixed”.

“Every idiot knows, that these two cannot be combined” Leona accented every word. “Unless you want to blow up a lab”.

You laughed, but put the vials back on the self and stepped back. Leona sighed as he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you to the other side of the alchemy room.

“Come on, let's make this elixir quickly and finish this circus for today. From what I can see, some people are just inspired by... your previous color choices in vials.”

 4.       Eat vegetables.

With a fork, you separated the peas from the carrots as you waited for Leona to get out of the queue for the buffet and return to your table. And the queue was great.

"Herbivore," appeared in front of you a dark-haired boy who sat in front of you with his tray full of meat and some other additives, such as bread, paste, or sauce. "How can I call you an herbivore if you don't eat vegetables?"

"Plants aren’t only vegetables," you said, putting your plate aside.

"But some are," Leona gently grabbed your wrist. He took his fork, punched a mixture of peas and carrots from your plate, and gave you a cutlery. "Eat it. In our dorm it is difficult to find anything other than meat, so you should eat at least so much. You get sick without all these vitamins... or something like that.”

 5.       Be able to fight for yours

You took the scales when you knocked an unknown guy in your face. He took a step back and grabbed his cheek, but quickly jumped up to you and grabbed the collar.

"Ha, Leona's girlfriend is much weaker than I expected," the boy laughed in your face as you yanked and tried to kick him solidly. "What a disappointment.”

"The only disappointment is your respect for women," you fell to the ground when Kingscholar threw himself just to the guy's throat. Both fell to the ground; Leona sat on the boy grounded by his weight and just before his eyes held his hand, which shimmered black and gray sand - his activated unique magic. "Or rather, the lack of its existence.”

At an incredible rate, the man's face went from shock to horror. With a smothered cry, he did his best to break out of Leona's grip before he escaped from your two with vivid desperation.

"This one--" he growled, then walked up to you and helped you get up. "We take you to the nurse. And you have to sleep there or I'll put you to sleep” here he scooped up a few strands in front of your face.”...You fought valiantly. Many would envy you such courage, herbivore.”

 6.       Don’t let him do everything he wants.

He pulled you on the sofa and hugged his face in your hair. Still a moment and you would literally fall on top of pillows that have recently been washed out.

"I can't fall asleep now," you took hhands off and moved a few steps away. Leona seemed slightly confused and partly annoyed. You sent him an apologetic look. "I have agreed that today I will be doing a project and-”

"Is it so important that we have to take our traditional nap?" he interrupted you.

"Unless you want the guy I'm doing the project to come here and pick me up personally," you replied. Leona raised his eyebrows and your mouth bent in a smile. "Rook”

"You can go," he spat. He wouldn’t react at almost anyone else, but Rook would have just fallen into his room or looked at you through the window and watched you calmly nap. Leona shuddered at this thought.

He licked his mouth when you left and fell on his bed. Ah, he will wait until you come back to just make you sleep twice as long.

7.       Smell nice.

“Were you baking?” Leona asked when you entered his room. The scent of warm cocoa hadn’t leave you yet.

"Yes. Ruggie and I made some chocolate biscuits,” you wiped off your flour blouse. "Do you want some?"

"Not really," he replied, approaching you. He took your hand and put it on his cheek, inhaling the smell of pastries even more.

The scent was truly alluring.

He had much more sensitive senses than the average person, especially the senses of smell and hearing, so when he found himself closer to you, he sensed more notes of ingredients: besides chocolate, he recognized honey, nuts, and cinnamon.

He will get drunk with this aroma, which, according to him (but he wouldn’t admit it), was strangely sweeter.

 8.        Don't get along too well with Malleus.

"You're not going to him," you couldn’t help, but roll your eyes at his words.

“Would you like to join our tea meeting?” You looked up at him from under your lashes as Leona pulled you away from the main corridor. “If you really want to, I'm sure Malleus won't mind-“

"But I will," he replied. “He can't take my free time with you because he suddenly decided that he wanted to play... chess with you?” He tried to remember what it was about, but soon he shook his head, clearing the thoughts.

You smiled weakly.

"You'll be the one to explain to Sebek of my,” here you cleared your throat “lack of respect and waste of Lord Malleus' precious time. "

"I will go to him personally and complain about ‘wasting precious time’ of mine and yours.”

 9.       Have a side of your personality that only shows up to the closest people.

Problem with school? Leona won't necessarily teach you everything the textbook says, but he'll find a way to help you or calm you down, assuring you that it will be fine.

Any conflicts in the family or with their lives? Maybe he could solve them for you somehow? - after all, he is a prince, even if the second one, he is still a very influential man.

Maybe at night, your joyful personality disappears? You are becoming closed to everyone?

Each problem will be an important problem for him. He might not take it as seriously as you, but every time you confide in something to him, you can be sure that he will take your secrets with him to his grave. And search for a solution.

…And every time you think about what to do, he will feel a warmth in his heart that you have decided to reveal something to him that others do not have access to. Even if the problem is troublesome and doesn’t fit in the list of things that are nice to spend free time on.

 10.       Give him your heart.

By far the most difficult and demanding, the most important of the other subsections

For this very difficult to give a concrete example

Because in fact each of these stages could give him a fragment of your heart

Or at least his heart was stolen

By each of these moments

And not only these

[barrendome]

the 2b2t survival guide (revamped!)

are you planning to play on 2b2t? have you been playing but can’t seem to get out of spawn? or have you been waiting 12 hours in queue to no avail?

in that case, have i got some stuff for you! heres a handy guide about how to actually play, and some tips to help along the way!

step one: preparing

you can just hop right in and go, but it is smart to know a bit beforehand.

know what you're getting into. the server has no rules to it, so you just have to expect a fuckton of disgusting shit. this includes but isnt limited to nazis, homophobes, racists, transphobes, and more, and youre bound to run into them. you need to just accept that, and ignore it.

get a hacked client. while you can just play vanilla, having a hacked client on will drastically help you survive and get out of spawn, and at the very least make it a little less stressful. id suggest impact client, a free 1.12 hacked client. do not, and i repeat DO NOT use clients advertised on 2b2t chat. only trustable clients i know of are impact, future, and wurst. 

make sure your client, version, and 2b2t itself is safe. this might be me just being paranoid, but after the log4j incident id say its smart to play it safe. check the reddit and make sure whatever client youre using is safe. also, if anyone knows if 2b2t is currently safe to play rn, please send me an ask!

make a plan. although this is optional, its smart to do. you can just wing it if you wanna, but it’s helpful to have a goal for what you wanna do in the server.

check the reddit. it will tell you beforehand if the server is active, and also if there is a serious exploit going on, theres a chance youll be able to find out about it beforehand and protect yourself from being affected by it. this is how i stayed safe from log4j and the authentication exploit!

read this guide. seriously, i promise, its at least a BIT helpful!

step two: queue

queue is basically inevitable, but there are a few things you can do to make the wait less painful!

decide if you want priority. priority queue is a godsend, it takes 30 min at MOST to join the server! but on the other hand, its 20 dollars per month. if you’re planning on playing for a long time and dedicating lots of time to playing? get priority. if you just wanna check the server out? don’t worry about buying it.

join when nobody else would. the best times i’ve found are near 1-3am, or in early mornings. also, always on weekdays, its MUCH harder to join during weekends. you’ll still have to wait hours, but not as long as you would otherwise.

do something else. multitasking is the best way to wait. leave queue running in the background and check on it whenever you can, but fill your time with other stuff. i usually draw or watch videos when waiting!

pray for a server restart. when it restarts, turn on auto-reconnect (if you have that) or just keep on trying to connect. you’ll get onto the server extremely quick if you’re able to join right after a restart.

step three: common sense

you gotta use normal common sense, but also server-unique common sense.

remember: there are no rules. people are going to kill you. people are going to grief you. people are going to say gross shit. the worst kinds of people are here on the server, you have to accept that.

you aren’t safe. no matter how far away you are, or how nice that one person is. don’t get lulled into feeling secure, stay on edge. better safe than sorry.

don’t trust anyone. or at least be cautious of everybody. even if they give you gifts, even if they compliment you, dont trust anybody unless you know them personally. also, as a little sidenote, if somebody places down a bed for you and ushers you to sleep in it, DONT.

enderchests are your friend. you’re going to die, several times. so, keep any important things in your enderchest. for more space, put everything into shulker boxes and store the boxes in your enderchest. this is why silk touch pickaxes are something you’ll need: because your enderchest is the only safe place for your items.

signs are the best communication. carry a sign with you, and read all the signs you find. its not important, but its fun to read what people write, and its nice to make your own mark on the world with just a simple sign.

what you build is gonna go. no matter how nice it looks, how far out it is, how tiny it is, whatever. its how 2b2t works. when you build, you have to remember that its going to get destroyed one day. remember to take screenshots of your builds! and griefing only proposes an opportunity to rebuild it bigger and better than before.

everyone hates new players. don’t openly say you’re new. just stick to yourself for the first while of joining. dont ask for kits. if you get stuck, dont ask for help. in this case, doing it alone is safer than getting help.

you aren’t special. oh, so you watched a bunch of fit videos and know everything about the server? no you don’t, shut up. you’re gonna spam things in chat and grief a bunch of builds to become a notable player? you’re gonna become a minor annoyance, shut up. you read this guide and now know how to become the best 2b2t player ever? my guide is still shit, shut up.

step four: chat

so you’ve joined, and you connect to see.. the constant spam of chat.

hide the chat. go into settings, and turn chat off. usually chat isn’t worth looking at, except for warning about server restarts. if you wanna keep chat on, just turn down the opacity.

use /ignore. theres bots constantly flooding the chat, so if you wanna keep chat on, spend time quickly ignoring all the bots. you can also use this command to get rid of all the nasty racists and more in chat!

don’t ask for help. you dont really want to let people know youre new and need help. its rare that people will actually help you, at best you’ll probably get ignored, and at worst they’ll just kill or trap you. you can get through this by yourself!

if you have a question, ask google. like the point above, asking for help isn’t a good option. search stuff up on google or the 2b2t subreddit before asking chat. and try not to ask obvious questions either.

dont get into arguments. its like arguing in comments but... worse. and while nothing bad will probably come of it, it wont help at all in making your point heard. people will probably just laugh at you. as hard as it is, just ignore people that piss you off, and move on.

if youre an mcyt fan, dont mention it. this server hates dream stans or anything even slightly similar. so just avoid mentioning it in chat.

dont fall for stupid tricks. dont post your address even if they say itll censor it. dont press alt+f4 even if they say itll give you good hacks. if you see a message from some famous player with a bunch of symbols spammed from someone before, its probably fake.

step five: escaping spawn

five steps in and im only JUST getting to the part where you escape? how long even IS this guide?!

turn your hacks on. hacks that i personally find come in handy is storage esp, player esp, tracers, search, light, nametags, auto-reconnect, and anti-hunger. (names may vary depending on client, these are the names for impact.) dont forget to customize these hacks to your needs, such as having tracers and esp only track onto players! also, make sure you have hacks like freecam and xray set to easy keybinds.

customize your search hack. search is EXTREMELY helpful, especially with escaping spawn! id suggest having your search light up for valuables (dragon eggs, player heads, beacons) food (melons, potatos, carrots, wheat crops) and other helpful items (portals, signs, beds)

use the highways. there are highways on each 0 coordinate, as well as every diagonal coordinate. they are there for you to use, take advantage of them! once you get far enough, though, stray away from the highway. never settle down near a highway. just be aware of withers near or on the highways! id suggest going down the melon highway, which starts around (0 ~ -2630) and goes up on the -X coordinate!

save your hunger bar. be patient and try not to run or jump. its hard, but its important. most deaths are from hunger in the first while of playing, so just try not to get hungry. for this exact reason, the main thing you’re looking for is food.

collect, store, die, repeat. i never did this, but my boyfriend did, and it worked incredibly well. he would collect as many resources as he could, store them in an enderchest whenever he saw one, and then either die of hunger or something else. he’d repeat this process until he had enough stuff in his enderchest to help get him out of spawn.

don’t go into the nether right away. spawn nether is a guaranteed portal trap, and close-by to nether spawn is extremely risky, especially nowadays. at around 2000 blocks overworld minimum, you’re probably safe to travel via nether, but be careful.

use the nether highways! the nether highways, like the overworld highways, are on every 0 coordinate and diagonal coordinates, as well as a few ring roads. this is the easiest way out of spawn. but dont carry important stuff on you, as people do patrol the highways to kill new players.

if you dont want to escape by yourself, baritone is your best friend! this may be an impact-only thing, though. in chat, do “.b goto [coordinates]” (without the quotation marks) so for example: “.b goto -420 69 1000″ and the bot will move to those coordinates without your input, while you can go afk as it moves.

20000 blocks is the safer zone, but its still spawn territory. anything under 10k is bound to get griefed, and you may run into players. 10k to 20k is fairly safe, but still bound to get griefed. around 50k is the minimum for you to be making a permanent base, but even then, its very VERY smart to go 100k or farther out.

step six: outside spawn

so you’re out of the major spawn area... now what?

find food, farm food. get as much food as you can, thats the most important thing to do at this moment. make sure you have as much food as you could need, and store some in your enderchest.

make a temporary base. you can make a small house, a hole, or even just a dirt hut. just make sure you have a place to store all your extra stuff, and a place to stay for now. (sidenote, don’t put a nether portal right beside your house.)

find or make a bed. later on, beds aren’t a big deal, but at first they definitely are. try to find or make a bed, and set your spawn somewhere. i’d suggest hiding the bed somewhere near your temporary base, but don’t make it visible.

get geared up. use your xray and get some diamonds, look through dungeons or go fishing for enchanted books, make yourself tools, etc. its best to get what you need now that you’re out of spawn.

go fishing. you can get food, enchanted books, xp, etc. going fishing is actually super useful. the autofish hack is your friend right now. but don’t go afk when fishing, you can get kicked for it.

visit nether highways. if you have nothing on you, theres a small chance a high-level player could stumble upon you, take pity, and give you stuff. just make sure to be cautious the entire time, and make sure to put anything you get into your enderchest. this may not work as well anymore, since lots of players now seem to resort to killing rather than giving. but its worth a shot!

step seven: last notes

some last little tips and tricks you should know before jumping in!

make a goal if you haven’t already. if you wanna be a nomad? plan where you’re gonna wander. if you’re gonna make a huge base? plan where to build it and go out there. if you’re gonna go visit monuments? figure out which ones and their coordinates, and start walking. gonna join a group? figure out which one would be safe and fun to join, and try to get in.

get as far from spawn as possible. unless you wanna stay near spawn, try and get 100,000 blocks away or further. and if you really wanna keep a base intact, do NOT stay near any of the major highways.

take lots of screenshots! screenshots of cool bases, signs, anything! and dont forget to grab coordinates of every cool thing you screenshot as well. who knows when you’ll want to revisit those things in the future!

if you wanna be a nomad... travel in circles around spawn! 10k out in a circle, 20k, 15k... however far you feel like! you could also go back to spawn, and take a highway completely out as well! just... explore. have fun with it! make sure to read signs!

if you wanna make a group... collect all your friends who play on the server, or anyone who just seems trustworthy (psst.. like me...) and form a group by yourself! while you can join pre-existing groups, the real fun of having a group comes from shared bonds and trust among members!

visit some monuments! its very fun to go exploring, and especially to explore around important places. for example, theres wrath outpost, which is inside spawn, or ziggytown, which is close to spawn. you can just search up coordinates, and most times you’ll be able to find coordinates to whichever famous place you want to visit.

if youre interested in 2b2t lore, dont just watch fitmc! there are a LOT of other 2b2t creators! some of my personal suggestions is salc1, fastvincent1, and barrendome (not me, the youtuber!) id also suggest thecampingrusher’s videos, they genuinely show an interesting side to the server and the rusher war. a few more story oriented things are thejudgeholden’s 2b2t comic, and the 2b2t chronicles on youtube!

if youre interested in 2b2t history, heres some other sources with some really good stuff! this will be updated as time goes on. all the youtubers mentioned above have very good 2b2t history content, but theres also places like the 2b2t blog that have a lot of cool history on it! theres also a couple of 2b2t wikis, like these ones, but theyre community led, so some information on them may not be 100% correct.

have fun! as rough this server can be to play on, theres a lot of cool stuff you can find, and its important to find joy in the chaos!

i hope that this guide served to be a bit more useful than my previous one!

i STILL may have forgotten things even during the revamp, so feel free to send me anything i missed! but i hope that everything i was able to write down will be enough to help anybody that wants to join 2b2t.org, the oldest anarchy server on minecraft!

[volosdarling]

🏝️🥒🛍️

FINALLY RESPONDING TO MY PILE OF ANCIENT ASKS ➣ LINK TO THE ORIGINAL ASK GAME~ [I'LL BE ANSWERING WITH VOLO AND I IN THE MODERN DAY ^o^b]

🏝️ [BEACH DATE] ~ What’s your favorite season to do fun things in? What about your F/O’s? MY FAV SEASON TO GO ON DATES OR DO THINGS IN GENERAL IS SPRING BC IT IS RIGHT AFTER THE DEPRESSING COLD OF WINTER SO I FEEL GOOD ABOUT GOING OUTSIDE & LESS DREAD IN GENERAL! LIKE GOING ON WALKS TO GET TREATS... OR LOOKING AT CHERRY BLOSSOM TREES AND ALL THAT GAY STUFF. I THINK VOLO WOULD PREFER THE WINTER BC IT REMINDS HIM OF OUR TIME IN HISUI. THE COLD IS NOSTALGIC EVEN IF ITS UNCOMFORTABLE. HE'D WANT TO GO SEE SOME ODD SIGHTS WITH ME IN THE MOST HORRID WEATHER AND I WOULD SAY YES BECAUSE WARMING UP AFTERWARDS FEELS GOOD (EVEN THOUGH I HATE WINTER I THINK IT WOULDNT BE SO BAD GOING OUTSIDE MY HOUSE IF IT WERE WITH HIM =u=..)

.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆. .⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆. .⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.

🥒 [SPA DATE] ~ How do you and your F/O relax after a stressful day? PERSONALLY I PREFER TO JUST CURL UP IN BED AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES. I THINK VOLO WOULDN'T BE TOO INTO GAMING HIMSELF UNLESS IT WERE A SPECIFIC TYPE OF GAME (MAYBE MINECRAFT?) BUT HE WOULD LAY WITH ME AND CLOSE HIS EYES OR WATCH WHAT IM DOING LAZILY. THIS AND ROMANTIC BATHS.......... WITH THE FANCY SHIT U SPRINKLE IN THE WATER TO LOOK LIKE PETALS. I HAVE TO DO THIS LIKE TWICE A MONTH TO KEEP FROM SNAPPING AND I THINK MAKING IT A COUPLES ACTIVITY WOULD RULE

.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆. .⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆. .⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.

🛍️ [SHOPPING DATE] ~ If you could have one item of your F/O’s in real life, what would you want? Or, if you do have an item of theirs irl, tell us about it! I GUESS ID LOVE 2 HAVE THE PENDANT THAT HE WEARS IN HIS SINNOH OUTFIT.

I ALREADY BOUGHT THE HAT THEY WERE SELLING AS PART OF THE HISUI MERCH BUT IT'S ACTUALLY GINTER'S HAT (HIS HAS A BADGE ON THE FRONT THAT VOLO DOESN'T HAVE =.=) AND ITS SUPER WAY TOO BIG AND FLOPPY FOR A HUMAN TO FEASIBLY WEAR AS PART OF ANY NORMAL OUTFIT SO IDK WHAT TO DO WITH IT. VOLO'S PENDANT IS SOMETHING I COULD WEAR EVERY DAY UNDER MY SHIRT... IT WOULD B RIGHT NEXT 2 MY HEART. ISNT THAT CUTE AWW (CROWD AWW SFX)

.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆. .⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆. .⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.

WHEW THE REST OF THESE ARE GOING ONA QUEUE TO AVOID SPAM LOL. I ACTUALLY LOVE DOING ASK GAMES & ANSWERING GENERAL QUESTIONS EVEN THO I PUT IT OFF SO MORE ASKS R ALWAYS WELCOME ^-^

[the-s1lly-corner]

Prompts 16-20 with Jason

Gm I've written nearly 15 posts in the past 14 hours. We are. Silly!

HOLIDAY

Normally Jason can't keep up with the time of year all that well, asides from when the seasons change.. it does get better when you recommend getting a calendar to keep things in line! Cue him realizing that Valentine's day is coming up! Congratulations, you're also his first Valentine.. unless you dont.. want to be.. please say you will otherwise this poor man is going to be crushed..! His only idea of what to do for the holiday is to do common stereotypes. He wakes you up to breakfast in bed and gives you a whole bunch of flowers, as well as attempting to give you some extra physical loving through the day. If its early in the relationship it does take a great amount of effort for him to do that, he just wants to be the best partner for you.. he doesn't expect anything in return but hes going to treasure anything you do give him! Whether it be a gift based around his interests or something like flowers hes going to be over the moon!

BACK FROM THE DEAD

It's no secret that the man is.. always coming back from the dead. And fairly often if we are being accurate to the movies. The first time he had died, you of course.. didn't know he could come back. So imagine your shock when you, finally over your grief yet still staying in your shared home, see your partner stumbling towards the cabin. Albeit in.. not the best shape. Years later, if its lore accurate. You.. dont know how to feel, his return brings back a lot of feelings. Your grief, your love, and even a little bit of anger of having to have to go through that in the first place. As unfair as it is it does take a big hit on the relationship between you two, no matter how relieved you are that hes back

OBLIVIOUS

Jason can be a little... oblivious when it comes to you trying to do anything in the relationship. Of course its caused by him having no experience at all, and being new to... well everything! Sure hes seen the campers interact with each other, and hes seem some media (mostly through you), but at the end of the day you're going to have to be blunt through out the first chunk of the relationship if you want any affection; giving and receiving. He doesnt mean for you to feel unwanted, he just cant tell when it's a good time to wrap his arm around you or hold your hand or kiss you..

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS

I already have this written! Though at the time of writing this it's in the queue! On the chance I forget to come back and link it, you can find it in the slasher Masterlist in Jason's section. "Random thing 12" is the title

NIGHTMARES

He wakes you up fast when you have nightmares. Usually shaking you a little too roughly, if you dont wake up from him shifting around in bed and tapping your shoulder. He likely doesnt fall asleep for the rest of the night even if you fall back to sleep. He rubs circles into your back to soothe you, sometimes drumming his fingers along your spine. If you want, you can rest your head on his lap or chest.. if it would make you feel better

[kuvvydraws]

And then the scenario that came to mind is the 'there was only one bed' thing. Of course Órdago would automatically take the floor, he's an absolute sweetheart.

My whole mind is consumed with the following back and forth.

'Órdago, we can share the bed, I don't mind.'

Queue Órdago explaining that he wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable or cross any boundaries, or anything like that.

And Órdago's crush knowing him well enough to give him the response of 'Well of course you won't cross any boundaries, why would that ever be in question? I can't think of any situation where you'd ever knowingly make me uncomfortable, and I know you'd back off immediately if I asked. I trust you.'

Question here is what Órdago would say/do when asked for his boundaries.

(Also oh my fucking staaaars the rustling sheets from his wiggly tail is the cutest thing I've ever read. I love him.)

Omggggg

Órdago is more of a grunter than a talker, and he's obnoxiously straightforward sometimes? It'd be more like:

"You can use the bed too"

"But I can take the floor"

"But I don't mind sharing the bed"

"But I can take the floor"

And so and so.

If you hit him with that little speech he's just going to go hggggg and stare. Just... Frozen and with progressively blurring eyelights. Take his hand and just guide him, please.

He doesn't think about himself much, much less in self aware way if he can help it. He's more concerned about the things he does that would make you upset because, well, he's big, he's sharp and intimidating, he's strong and could crush you on a whim, and even pretty words can't change that.

He needs to know where he stands because if he's potentially unsafe, he needs to counter it.

For his boundaries, you say? He's really private about his past, and sometimes he'll have minor panic or anxiety attacks, and he doesn't like talking about them. Just let him recover quietly, at his own pace, and he'll come back to reality eventually.

He's a guy that needs space too. Being around people for long periods of times gets to him and he needs some sort of private comfort zone to recharge, alone.

His spine is really sensitive (quite a vulnerable spot for a skeleton too, as you can understand), and he doesn't like having it touched directly if you're out of his sight.

Don't try to surprise him either, because unless he's already detected you (which is very likely but still), he's going to react as if you were an attacker. Being the Executioner took its toll on him and he can't quite shake the need to be ever vigilant and on the look out for danger. Even a deep breath when walking in a room will be enough.

Don't ask him to seriously bite you or cause you harm intentionally. He's had enough of that for a long time now.

Raavi is part of his boundaries too, in a sense. If his sibling is being treated anything else but correctly, Órdago becomes unmovable. Don't overstep anything regarding Raavi, it will not go well.

[haikyuu-sickfics]

Can you do one where Y/N is really sick and kuroo and Bokuto take care of Y/N but Y/n doesn’t want them to know? If you can ☺️✨ and I love you work bye❤️

Throbbing pain pounded against Y/n's head in unison with the blaring pitch of the alarm on the side of their bed. Pressure pressed gently against their sinuses, hinting towards the runny nose which is sure to come. A small itch persisted up and down their throat, threatening to develop into a coughing fit with each breath.

All instincts told Y/n to take a day off- it was a weekend and there were no Nekoma manager duties which needed to be get done promptly, perfect day to sit back and watch a couple movies. Except, they had plans. Months ago, Tetsurou, Koutarou, Yukie and Y/n and had discussed this day in hopes of having a bonding day with the captains and third year managers. It was an annual occurance for the four to all have the day off, there was no way Y/n was going to let a little cold get in their way.

Rubbing their eyes with a groan, they pulled themselves upright against vertigo. They sat with their legs over the edge- rooted to the floor for a moment, slamming the alarm until the incessant beeping ceased. Rubbing the sleep from their sore eyes, they fumbled their hand on the nightstand in search of their phone.

Various texts lit up on the screen, revealing Yukie's inability to show up to their agreed meeting and the two aces grand disappointment at such news.

There was no way Y/n could call out now. The boys wouldn't be able to handle such disappointment.

Groaning once more, considerably more exaggerated this time, Y/n pulled themselves to their feet, stumbling down the hall to the nearest bathroom. The wall held them up more than their legs did.

Looking into the mirror, they weren't too surprised at the sight which greeted them. Disappointing? Yes. But when feeling so awful, it wasn't expected to look like a runway ready model.

Though, the dark circles around their eyes did kinda look like some cool grungy makeup. Maybe they could pull off this look... Or maybe that was the fever talking.

Not that they had a fever, or so they didn't think so. Their motto was 'if there aint proof, it aint there.' So until someone shoved a thermometer into their mouth and showed them the high numbers, they were completely fine.

A coughing fit forced its way of of their body, ricocheting around their chest as their body's way of saying 'what type of logic is that you expired carton of single serving size 2% milk.'

Turning on the faucet and cupping their unsteady hands under the stream and splashing their face. Closing their eyes, Y/n rubbed the cool water over their scalp. Dabbing their face with a towel resting on a rack behind them, they took special care in rubbing the sleep from their eyes.

Satisfied with the dryness of their face, they set off with the beginning of their routine.

---

--

-

The air was cold.

So very cold.

Y/n's knees shook as they walked to the meeting place, nearly collapsing from the relief of the familiar park table. Quickening their pace, they slid to a sitting position, folding their hands on the dewy table and keeping an eye out for her peers.

The pair of players were known for being late, though. Y/n didn't know how long they could keep their heavy head up. So they decided to rest it on their hands. Just to get a little energy. And hey. While they were at it, may as well close their eyes. It's not like they'll fall asleep or anything. They were good at staying aware with their eyes closed. That was for sure. They had remembered whole lectures while their eyes were resting. This will be no different.

-

--

---

"Are they okay?" Tetsurou asked as he approached the table where his two friends sat.

Koutarou shrugged, "they were like this when I got here, I poked their shoulder but they kinda growled at me. I don't know, it was scary. So I just waited here for you."

Testurou walked over to Y/n, crouching down next to them, examining their face. Heat radiated off of their sleeping face, causing his eyebrows to rise.

"Hey bro," he spoke quietly, "I think they're sick."

"No way dude, Y/n like never gets sick."

"There's a first time for everything, I guess."

He shook Y/n's shoulder gently, ignoring their sleepy complaints.

"C'mon you gotta get up, unless you want us to carry you home."

Y/n's eyes blinked open.

"It's about time you got here, I almost fell asleep in the time it took you to arrive," Y/n slurred, their voice gravelly.

"Yup came real close to falling asleep there. Say, why don't we go to your house?" Tetsurou offered, scooping his hands under their shoulders.

They laughed drowsily, "why are you tickling me? And why go home? Home is for like. Homers... Homies."

Koutarou spoke up, placing his hand over Y/n's, "Aren't we homies though?"

"Ohh yea! That's right. Let's go homies home!" Y/n began to push themselves up, not realizing the majority of their strength came from Testurous firm hands.

"I'll lead the way," they offered, tripping over their own feet as they stepped ahead.

"Mayyyybe that's not such a good idea when you're sick," Tetsurou argued, him and Koutarou taking hold of Y/n's arm.

"What do you mean sick? Are you insulting me?"

"Okay, okay! You're not sick. Be my guest, walk on your own," Tetsurou released his hold, nodding towards Koutarou to do the same.

Brushing off their shoulders Y/n began walking once more.

"You sure we should let them go ahead like that?" Koutarou whispered, anxiously eyeing Y/n's shaky footwork.

"Three. Two," Tetsurou stepped behind Y/n, "One."

Right on queue, Y/n collapsed into his arms.

"Now help me out. We sure hurry to their house before someone thinks we're kidnappers."

----

--

-

Warmth surrounded Y/n as their eyes fluttered open. A bright light flooded their vision Why was it warm all of a sudden? Weren't they at the park? Did they sleep through the whole morning?

No, that wasn't the sun. That was an artificial light. And they weren't laying on a bench, it was too soft for that.

"Good morning sleepyhead!" A familiar voice sang.

Y/n shot up, nausea induced vertigo sending them blinking to regain composer.

"Koubo? What are you doing here?" They asked, planting a firm hand on the side of their head.

"It's a really funny story, but there's time for that later. Here, have some soup."

He sat down at the edge of Y/n's bed, tucking a steaming bowl of soup under their chin before bringing a spoonful up to their mouth.

Y/n let their mouth open, mostly out of confusion.

The soup was sweet, but also a bit savory. Surprisingly good considering the chef. Assuming Koutarou was the chef. Who else would be?

"Oh! You're up," Testurou exclaimed, entering the room with a 'Kiss the Chef' apron on.

Y/n practically spat out their soup.

"You're both here?" They choked out, "what happened?"

"What happened was someone doesn't know when to take a sick day," Tetsurou informed, taking seat at the foot of the bed.

Y/n shook their head, "I don't know what you guys are saying."

"YOU. ARE. SICK." Koutarou enunciated clearly.

"Oh."

"Want some tea?"

"I just wanna sleep."

"Okay we can go," Koutarou began to stand.

Y/n grabbed his arm.

"Stay."

[hangekitty]

I love that Er*n is in your no no rules- lmao.

Also may i request some soft Miche headcanons where he's comforting a female reader please? I've been very stressed from life recently and would really appreciate a bit of love and comfort from my fav character, smut is optional although i am above 18. Thank you so much in advance💛

Oh my gosh my first request thank you! And what a lovely way to start things out, I hope this brings comfort to you as I know how hard things are in life right now! And yes, we don’t accept Er*n in this house no thank you ~ 🌸

Did I listen to Bubble Gum by Clairo on loop because of the vibes? Maybe. Did I get upset writing this because I am touch starved? Also maybe 😌

Miche comforting his S/O after a bad day

Genre: fluff, NSFW 18+

Warnings: mentions of having a bad day, mental health, smut, swearing

Universe: canonverse

NSFW below the ‘read more’

SFW

Although Miche is a man of few words, he definitely knows how to show you how much he cares.

This man is a master of being able to sense whenever you’ve had a bad day, you wouldn’t even need to tell him; I suppose its because of his immaculate sense of smell, or that he takes good care to be finely in tune with your emotions.

Most of your worries and stresses stem from expeditions, having to fight off titans and watching your comrades fall certainly took a toll on your mental health; this at least was a stress you could share with Miche.

Miche’s love language is touch, so although he isn’t much of a talker, he would still want you to know that he is there for you all the same. This may look like hugs from behind, forehead kisses and holding you close to him whenever he can.

If you’re both standing, he will most definitely be the kind of guy to cuddle you and gently rock you - not quite a dance, but something that helps calm you down.

There is 110% chance that if he starts rocking you, he will rest his head on yours and hum a tune to you

Will ask Levi for your favourite kind of tea, another love language of his is acts of service. So bringing you tea, tidying your room or even cleaning your clothes without asking is a way of him showing how much he cares about you; the last thing you want to do is chores so he would run you a bath (if baths are available) and he would do the smaller things that would usually be too much effort.

Just because he is very quiet, doesn’t mean he won’t talk to you. He is more of a listener, but if you need words of affirmation or advice Miche is on it and usually says the right things. All this time of him being quiet, he has every opportunity of thinking up something to say.

Are you prone to nightmares? Miche has your back. Quite literally, he will roll over and hold you close to him. He is definitely the big spoon and will make sure to make you feel as safe and comfortable as possible.

In public, if Miche notices you tensing or begin to fluster out of stress or anger, he will hold your hand. He isn’t much for PDA, however he will push himself in situations where you need him. He would often take you out of a situation or to another room and hold your hands close to his chest, rubbing your hands with his thumbs and looking in your eyes.

Bedtime is the best time for cuddles, here he will give you the maximum affection of kisses, hugs and tickling sessions.

He will stroke your hair until you fall asleep, even if he is in an uncomfortable position, once he knows you are asleep he won’t budge.

Miche has a habit of holding you close to him when you are stressed and smelling your hair or rubbing his stubble on your exposed neck. You can’t help but giggle, even when sometimes you wanna be angry, this man never fails to make you smile.

If you suffer with panic attacks, Miche knows exactly what to do to help you. Whether grounding helps, giving you space or words of affirmations this man has it together and will do whatever he can to help. At first he might of been a nervous wreck, anxious to make sure he gets it right, but as you trust him, you tell him how he can help in that situation and Miche learns it and etches it into his brain.

“There’s my girl”

Bunny kisses! Lots of bunny kisses!

Random modern day AU head canon: this dude would turn on his LED lights and put on soft LoFi tunes on to calm you down!

NSFW

Sometimes when you are stressed, you require other means of ‘letting go’

Miche knows exactly what to do, but will wait for your social queues to make the first move

It’ll start off as giving you massages, touching you in all of your sensitive, aching areas.

You will most likely make some remarks that are passive aggressive (and suggestive) which makes Miche kinda /ZING/

He is the kind of guy who would come up behind you and lift your breasts up and claim “these are heavy, let me help you carry them” or some shit, even though you are clearly frustrated, this usually earns an annoyed giggle or two.

He will let you take control, if you have a particularly stressful day and all you want to do is have angry sex, he will let you take the reins or call all the shots. Honestly, any other time he would let you take control anyway, seeing you be so passionate is a real turn on; but given such a stressful day its sort of expected - unless you just want him to fuck you silly, he will happily oblige.

I don’t care what anyone else says but this man is canon a master of oral. With a nose like that, you could not convince me he wouldn’t use it to his full advantage okay??

He is more a giver than a receiver, so Miche would be in his personal heaven whilst giving you head. He particularly likes it when you’ve had a bad day to surprise you and lower you onto his face, you will probably squirm out of embarrassment but as soon as you’d gain your confidence he would go in hard; enjoying every bit of view he has.

If you are feeling particularly low due to a bad day, he will set up the bed with lots of pillows/blankets and have you lay down, legs open and him laying between them, licking at your pussy.

Miche is a thigh guy, a man of taste. Will leave kisses up and around your thighs before going anywhere near your pussy. He probably enjoys the smell whilst he’s down there, admiring your soft flesh and kissing every inch of you.

If you want to be in control, lets say you have a frustrating day, you would ride him. Heck, he wouldn’t even mind if you wanted to peg him. This man is up for anything and would do anything to please you.

If you want him to be in control, you’ve definitely unleashed an animal. As I’ve mentioned before, he is a giver and if he knows you’ve had a bad day, oh boy this man will do all he can to help you forget your troubles. Rough but steady is his strategy.

I promise you after a night with him in control, you won’t even remember what stress feels like.

Expect some marks, this man is a sucker and a nibbler, especially on your neck and breasts.

King of aftercare, lots of hugs and kisses; will also clean you up after any messes made.

If Miche is not a man of many words, he has them all for you in that moment. Telling you he loves you, how much you mean to him and how sorry he is that you had a bad day. “Today might have been hard, but tomorrow is another day my love”

“I’ll be right here”

I hope you enjoyed! Thanks so much for the request 🌸

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

thats it. im gonna answer everything i can answer, tomorrow. this is happening, i'm timing myself, it's going to get ugly in here :<

man I SUCK at answering asks huh

[janamelie]

Dimension Jump XXI Report

I suppose I’m a DJ veteran now as this was my fifth consecutive one and the fourth at the Nottingham Crowne Plaza which is an expensive four-star hotel.  Sharing with a friend helps keep the cost reasonable and honestly, it’s worth it for the sheer convenience of being right there in the hotel and being able to nip back to your room as required.  (To be clear, you don’t have to stay in the hotel to attend the con.  There are plenty of other hotels nearby.)

Plus there is always the chance that you’ll see a guest at breakfast as I did Danny once.  He picked out a few pieces of fruit and nibbled at them before wandering over late to his photoshoot.  What else would you expect from a cat though?

Friday

Myself and @downonthepharm-red-dwarf (Amy) had arrived the previous day so had plenty of time to be near the front of the queue for registration.  Which meant we saw Hattie Hayridge arrive in a stunning designer coat and with smart luggage.  She really brought her outfit A-game and looked great the whole weekend.

Once we’d presented our respective proofs of full Covid vaccination or a recent negative test, we were given our DJ passes and booklets.  The latter has spaces for signatures from guests, an Order Of Events and various handy tips for the weekend.

The con kicks off at 5pm with an hour of gradual build-up in the Main Hall - they show videos from previous events, specially made titbits with various guests past and present such as Mark Dexter doing a mock guide to DJ and Rebecca Blackstone voicing Pree.  It all helps with the atmosphere, as do the numerous RD posters dotted around the hotel.

Then it was time for the Opening Ceremony featuring various Fan Club team members and an overcrowded stage full of cardboard boxes - the joke was that they’d had too much time on their hands during lockdowns and bought loads of stuff online.  It was obviously also a nod to Lister’s hoarding in “The Promised Land”.  

The sketch featured a specially made shot of the AA adverts’ Starbug model landing outside the Crowne Plaza and an 80s computerised version of the lovely convention logo.  You could tell a lot of loving effort had gone into the whole thing.

Once the guest line-up had been announced (I’ll get to that not-really-a-surprise-guest shortly), we went straight into the RD Pub Quiz, hosted by Hattie.  DOTP and I had been joined at our table by Lapsang and Barbs from our Discord (No Kind Of Atmosphere) plus various other attendees we’d befriended.

Someone in the crowd yelled “I love you, Hattie!” to which she quipped “I’ve pulled already!”  Another bloke shouted “Fuck off, she’s mine!” which led to a few shouts of “Fight!”  When neither seemed keen to do so, Hattie joked: “Only two?  That’s a bit pathetic!” and then we got started.

The quiz is hard, by design, but I’m good at quizzes and my team - No Kind Of Atmosphere after our Discord - came joint third which was gratifying.  (I was on the winning team a few DJs ago, to blow my own trumpet for a moment.  This is my report, after all.)

And then it was time for the first guest Q&A with - surprise, surprise - Johnny Vegas aka the Crit Cop in “Timewave”.  Not a great episode but he more than made up for that with an appearance I can only describe as chaotic.  Warning - DO NOT attempt to heckle him unless you want to be singled out and humiliated in front of the entire audience in a “Can’t look away” fashion which was nonetheless entertaining.  The man in question tweeted about it afterwards and seems to have taken it in good spirit.

Once we’d moved on from encouraging people to leave unpleasant things in room 429, it turned out Johnny’s a big fan of the show and owned it on VHS (so did I).  He thinks of the main characters, Holly would win at “Taskmaster” and had good reasons for that conclusion.  

He was dubious about the pink costume he wore in “Timewave” as he thought it might take away from the character but said he eventually decided he needed to get over what he was wearing and just go for it.  He also said one of his worst working moments was on “Benidorm” when he had to hold his breath underwater in a freezing swimming pool and his co-star kept forgetting her two lines so they had over 30 takes.  Ouch.

Johnny left commenting that he got less love at his 50th birthday party.  But we hadn’t seen the last of him by any means as people kept buying him drinks during the Auction, leading to him successfully bidding for one of the items on offer.

And then he was back for the Karaoke.  Now if you - as he informed us - had to undergo emergency dental surgery in the morning and had practically lost your voice, would you sing karaoke?  And not only that, would you sing a version of “Love On The Rocks” which lasted 11 minutes according to someone on Twitter (I wasn’t timing it, but I can believe it), followed by the full-length version of “American Pie”?

If you answered no, you’re clearly not Johnny Vegas.  He went to bed so late that the unfortunate Fan Club team member assigned to look after him got a grand total of 90 minutes’ sleep.

Saturday

DOTP and I had paid for the Photoshoot with Mr Vegas, Danny John-Jules and Ray Fearon.  We got in the queue at 9am which was when it was supposed to start.  An hour later we were still waiting.  Yep, Danny was late.

Once he made it to the hotel, I got my photo in front of a Science Room backdrop.  You might think Mr Vegas would be hungover and rushing through it, but on the contrary, he was still enjoying the hell out of proceedings which was refreshing to see.  Since he’d been added to the line-up too late to be in the souvenir booklet, he signed extra inserts for the Fan Club which they handed out to everyone at the later Autograph sessions so attendees got his autograph after all even though he’d finally left.  That’s what I call throwing yourself into an event.

Next up was a combined Q&A with Danny and Ray (originally separate but Danny’s lateness meant they were teamed up).  This wasn’t a problem at all though - on the contrary, it worked really well as the chumminess between them added to the vibe.  Also it was Ray’s first convention so he probably preferred to have Danny backing him up, especially since the poor man tripped on his way to the stage and almost fell.  I don’t think he was hurt but I cringed with secondhand embarrassment and empathy.  He wasn’t the only one to fall foul of the edge of the stage that weekend; I think it was the slightly raised dancefloor in front of it.

As is usual for Danny, we were treated to over half an hour of what you can only really describe as a stream of consciousness as he pontificated about various things.  He and Ray did also talk about working together on “Death In Paradise” and Ray described his worst working experience there - he had to play a scene in a club in 45 degree heat with a live snake wrapped around his neck!

Ray is attractive in a “Hollywood hunk” way and Danny was clearly conscious of this, joking that he’d “brought his own security with him” and muttering “I’m better-looking anyway!”  But all in a jokey way as they’re clearly friends.

Danny had come from filming and dropped a heavy hint that he’s appearing in a Dickens adaptation which I imagine will be shown at Christmas as they generally are.  He also complained that Craig Charles never answers his phone: “You send him a message and he answers it on Twitter a month later!”  (Interestingly, Chris Barrie later mentioned a recent phone conversation with Craig so make of that what you will.)

Ray was quieter but happy to talk about the vagaries of showbiz and typecasting - he said that due to his Shakespearean background he gets a lot of serious roles so people were genuinely surprised that he could also do comedy but “I was always funny!”  He also gently teased Danny about the age of some of his references before admitting he still finds Tommy Cooper funny.

Danny usually performs “Tongue-tied” with a good grace when inevitably asked to by an audience member but perhaps it’s finally starting to pall as this time he did it in the style of Oliver Reed’s Bill Sykes and included a lot of X-rated references to cunnilingus etc.  It was entertaining though.

Next up was a live Q&A (over Zoom) with Chris Barrie.  Danny decided to stick around as he wanted to show Chris something he’d ordered online.  It took a while to get the cameras in the right position for Chris to be able to see it and Danny needed a knife to open the parcel, leading Chris to quip “Is this a good time for me to step out for some lunch?”

However, it turned out to be worth it as it was a custom-made Ace Rimmer doll which impressed Chris with its quality and he complimented the maker.

Danny and Ray then departed for their lunch and to take part in the Coffee Lounge which this year had reduced its numbers for Covid-related reasons and held a ballot for entry in the interests of fairness.  Amy and I didn’t get in but happily stayed for the rest of Chris’s Q&A.

In the “working from home” spirit, Chris was in a hoodie in his living room as opposed to his more usual smart suit.  He was suitably relaxed and revealed he got through lockdown by concentrating on the things which make him happy, such as his hobbies, his garden and his family.  His favourite episodes are “Marooned”, “Dimension Jump” and - less predictably - “Twentica”.  He also referred to a recent “mannerly, as he would call it” phone conversation with Craig.  No details but it had clearly been a positive experience.

Amy decided to liven up the ending of his Q&A by asking a vitally important, “TPL”-related question.  Whom would Rimmer find more attractive, a female version of Lister or a female version of Cat?

Once the laughter had died down and Chris had bought some time by pointing out that “neither of them are women”, he gave the question appropriate consideration.  He pondered whether Rimmer would be more taken by the “simple charms” of Lister or the “feline grace” of Cat.  This next bit is courtesy of Amy as my memory isn’t infallible: He said it’d be a choice between a feline form or a rounder, a bit more slovenly woman - he wouldn’t want the perfectly feline woman because she might not like his imperfections, but he also wouldn’t want someone who ate curry three times a day.  “Basically, a balance would be ideal.”

That was the last question but Chris provided a little more entertainment as he had a “How do you turn this off then?” moment a la Gordon the computer in “Better Than Life” and made amusing faces as he figured it out.  If it was anyone but Chris I’d think it was a deliberate reference to that but I think he was genuinely befuddled.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Autographs with Hattie, Danny, Ray and Norman Lovett.  I got the latter three to sign the “TPL” poster I’d brought with me but gave Hattie the booklet instead as it seemed more tactful.  She complimented the dress I was wearing and I returned the compliment, telling her how much the fans appreciate the effort she makes with her DJ outfits.

Norman commented how there’s a version of the “TPL” poster he isn’t on, bemusedly.  Fortunately mine was the version including him. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon chilling in the bar with Amy, Lapsang and Barbs, chatting to other attendees.  Graphic Designer Matthew Clark was now in the Merchandise Room with various props from Series XII and “TPL” including the Starbug manual used onscreen.  I got his autograph on my poster but it’s an incomprehensible squiggle.  Oh well.  He was very friendly and easy to talk to.

After a break for dinner, the Main Hall reopened for the Costume Competition.  This seems to get better every DJ, with an amazing “Greyscale Rimmer” who was discomfiting to be around due to the corpse-like makeup, a Natalina Pushkin, a Nirvanah Crane who could almost have been Jane Horrocks herself and a Diving Suit Cat from “BTE”.  Other entries included Rimmer’s Mum, “Giraffes who were armed and dangerous” and a Confidence And Paranoia who were later pictured at the bar chatting to Paranoia himself, Lee Cornes.

We then had a special video message from Doug Naylor which I won’t go into as I’m sure everyone’s already heard the details.  Suffice to say, his tone was positive.

The second Auction was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who made it more entertaining by adding his own commentary to each item.  This was followed by a stand-up set from Norman.  It was amusing but he misjudged the mood a bit, I feel.  When you’re waiting for a disco to start and it’s already hours late due to Danny’s tardiness, you don’t particularly want to contemplate your own mortality.  We were here to get away from all that, as much as possible.

Anyway, the Disco was a lot of fun even if Dave Benson Phillips’ presence as host was sorely missed.  Hattie danced for the best part of an hour alongside everyone else.  The stand-in DJs did their job and I stayed until the end.  The final two songs were “Bohemian Rhapsody” and … “Tongue-tied”.

Sunday

Not being in the Sunday Photoshoot, Amy and I had a nice leisurely breakfast and got over last night’s festivities before the first Q&A, live over Zoom with Robert Llewellyn.

This was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who in his capacity as Dave era audience warm-up knows Robert well.  Clearly well enough to get away with teasing him relentlessly about not being at the con in person until poor Robert was a mess of Krytenesque guilt.  

His protestations that he’d been scheduled to be in Munich this weekend but no longer was (he was at home) only made things worse.  Ian: “Oh, so that’s two sets of people you’ve disappointed now!  Stop saying yes to things!”  It was hilarious and Robert took it in its intended spirit.  Also Ian was getting a measure of revenge for Robert - in character as Kryten - dry humping him at recordings.  One attendee asked “With the groinal attachment?!”

Robert admitted that he finds Kryten’s various groinal attachments hilarious and if he was writing the show they’d be in every episode.  He praised Doug’s restraint.

He also admitted that in “TPL” he had an earpiece to have his lines fed to him.  Since it’s controlled by an iPad, certain unscrupulous cast members took great delight in feeding him rude ones.

He still intends to update “The Man In The Rubber Mask” but atm “Fully Charged” is consuming a lot of his time as it’s become much more successful than he anticipated and he’s in charge of several people.

Surprisingly, he would hate appearing in RD without the Kryten makeup, both because it’s become much quicker to apply and because it provides him with a shield and he becomes Kryten and forgets stagefright.  He still can’t watch “DNA” for that reason.

Lapsang, who played Kryten in “Into The Gloop”, asked Robert if he’d seen it.  He hadn’t but said he was now very curious and would find a way to.

Next up was Lee Cornes aka Paranoia who said he originally auditioned for the lead roles and like the other unsuccessful actors got the consolation prize of a guest appearance.  Upon being asked if he’d gone out for a drink with Craig Ferguson’s Confidence, he said no because at the time they had a frosty relationship due to rumours that Craig was plagiarising other comics’ jokes.  Lee said it was all very silly and he’s since apologised.

Interestingly, Lee is a qualified science teacher and carried on with that career alongside his media one, leading to surreal situations where his pupils would ask: “Sir?  Were you on the telly last night?”  “Yes.”  “Are we on the telly now, sir?”

Someone asked a good question - what would Lister’s Paranoia be like now 33 years later?  Lee would be willing to reprise the role but isn’t sure it would work as the original had a childish quality whereas he feels now the character would be a lot darker and less funny.  Lee was both thoughtful and entertaining in his responses.

He was followed onstage by Hattie and Norman, who resolutely refused to rise to the bait of an audience member attempting to stir up a rivalry between them.  That only works when one isn’t the nicest person you could meet.

A tactless audience member asked both if they’d watched “TPL” instead of directing the question at Norman.  Luckily Hattie had seen it and particularly enjoyed the cat flap joke although she felt there was a little too much focus on the guest cast.

Norman didn’t really watch RD after he left but Hattie has seen Norman’s early episodes as he lent them to her back when she was originally cast as Hilly for research purposes.  Bear in mind this was 1988 when they weren’t even available on VHS so presumably he recorded them off the TV.  

Hattie confirmed with a sigh that she’s simply never been asked to return in any capacity: “That’s the short answer.”  What the hell, I’ll say it one more time - Bring Back Hattie!  One episode, that’s all I ask.  As it stands, it’s starting to look like a pointed and deliberate snub which mystifies me.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Rob Grant and Paul Jackson.  For obvious reasons they didn’t go into the current legal mess, opting instead to entertain the fans with the story of how they met and their early pre-RD work (Rob and Doug as freelance writers for Paul’s producer).

We saw some clips from their early shows including “Three Of A Kind” with Lenny Henry, Tracy Ullman and … later magician David Copperfield; apparently they all had the same agent and Paul took on David as a favour.  For a 40 year old show it held up pretty well and was in much better sound and picture quality than older shows often are. “Carrott’s Lib” was just as funny.

It’s a bit hard to summarise but this session was entertaining and gripping.  Rob still wants to write another RD novel and I believe there’s nothing actually stopping him as both he and Doug had an option to write a second solo novel.  So we’ll see.

The final Q&A was Matthew Clark who was very informative and interesting, showing us numerous production stills from Series XII and “TPL” and talking us through them.  There was a groan when time was called before he was finished.

By now time was running short and Amy and I went back to the room to pack and leave our luggage with reception before watching the start of “Dibbley Family Fortunes”. Since I knew I wouldn’t have time to watch it all, I instead nipped upstairs to Autographs with Lee and Ian, timing it perfectly as the queue had almost vanished.

Ian was still performing, drawing scornful attention to the fact that Lee had a longer queue: “Can you imagine all these people queueing to see Lee Cornes?!”  It sounds rude out of context but he was clearly joking.

I decided to ask Lee what flavour the yogurt Paranoia eats was.  He said it didn’t really taste of anything as it was the cheapest, nastiest canteen yogurt available and was also starting to curdle under the studio lights so eating it can’t have been much fun.

Since I now had about 15 minutes before I had to go, I caught a bit of Dibbley Family Fortunes, said goodbye to Amy, Lapsang and Barbs and then dashed off to catch the tram to the train station.  Another great DJ.