#going a bit off topic anyway he's just kinda concerned about his appearance and what people think of him and that's pretty much it?

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Jason never got to be 16. makes me sad.

Not to deny that Jason not being able to make it to 16 in his first life is sad, but I mean he did technically end up making it, and he made it to 17 and 18 and 21 and so on and so forth, it just happened "in round two" so to speak.

What I think is sadder though, is that depending on whether he was 15 or 14 years old when this happened:

There are one of two ways he would've spent his sixteenth year.

Option 1 (if he was 15 at the time of his ressurection):

(This is 1 year post initial hospitalization)

Or Option 2 (if he was 14 at the time of his ressurection):

(And this is 2 years post initial hospitalization, 1 year post escape from that facility)

Happy sweet 16th, Jason John Doe #265 :)

Batman Annual (1961-) #25

[pineappleciders]

heyy first of all its me the fucked up dream anon (now going by dream anon how original) second of all ive decided im going to learn about south park purely through your work so can i get some tweek (ive latched onto that boy) and whoever else you want (probably the main boys) with a reader (all platonic ofc) who's got that #anxiety? thanks even if you dont do it <33

🌌🌟/dream anon

main 4 + tweek with a reader who has anxiety; platonic headcanons

A/N: haii :3 i apologize if this like, distorts your vision of the characters or something. i am so glad you are being converted to the religion of tweek!!!!!!

TRIGGER WARNING: anxiety disorders, light mental health topics, paranoia, panic/anxiety attacks, death mention on kennys part

stan marsh

i think stan has a normal amount of anxiety. like he's so regular. he's your average joe

like he gets anxious over tests, and giving speeches, and over wendy. other than that he doesn't experience it to the extent of a disorder

so it might be a little difficult for him to imagine getting anxious over simple things like ordering food and stuff like that

he'll try his best to listen though, although he'll probably try to kinda reason with you, esp if you're feeling paranoid or something

"dude, i checked twice, it's locked. relax, man."

he'll try to distract you, by playing games and watching stuff, and just generally kinda trying to be funny to take your mind off of things

if you're having a panic/anxiety attack, he kinda panics too at first, before quickly pulling you away and asking what's wrong. he is sweating very hard

if you're unresponsive, he tries to stay calm but is honestly considering calling an ambulance. like he thinks you're having a stroke

"shit, a panic attack? uh, okay, errr.... take deep breaths, okay? in.. and out. in.. and out. okay, that's good.."

he looks up grounding techniques on his phone and relays them to you until you calm down and catch your breath. he like sends you images off of google of the 5 senses technique randomly and says he figured you'd need it someday

he tries to keep your anxiety in mind, and might slip up sometimes, but for the most part he tries to be careful with his words and actions as to not worry you. he shows his care in subtle ways!!

kyle broflovski

he tries to kinda. logic it out a bit. like if you're feeling insecure he tells you how unrealistic it is for someone to think about one random passerby's appearance forever

he does feel bad though. he doesn't completely understand, but whenever he's feeling insecure he tends to get really anxious about people at school

he usually gets anxious whenever he's doing something wrong or sneaking out. like he's actually sweating and shitting his pants thinking about what his mom will do to him if she finds out

he'll encourage you to order food for yourself, to get yourself out there more, and if you succeed he'll pat your shoulder and smile a lil

if you don't want to, he might dramatically sigh but he'll do it anyways. cuz he knows how hard it is

i do think he'd get a little anxious about asking workers for help and stuff, but he'll be the bigger person... he supposes... smh my head...

when you have an panic attack for the first time, he's like really confused and gets super concerned that you're having a heart attack, and pulls his phone out to dial your parents or 911

"i'm here for you dude! listen- hey, listen to me. it's okay. can- can you-"

he tries to talk to you to de-escalate it, but he gives up and has his hand on your back, while looking up what the fuck to do

'friend havign panjc atgack what to do'

if you're okay with it, he probably talks to your parents about it. he doesn't really trust himself to be able to always calm you down, so he encourages getting outside/professional help

he does try though, and he'll always be there for you in different ways!! like when you need help with something or just need company to distract you, he's at ur door with his xbox 360

eric cartman

you can tell that eric gets a little uncomfortable if you're freaking out or feeling anxious. whether it's because he actually feels bad or just doesn't know how to handle your emotions, you'll never know

but either way, he'll probably just like. sit next to you like "dude, what's up with you?" or in other cases he'll sneakily slip out of the room unseen

he does try to be kinda logical about it, but that's solely because he physically can't speak words of comfort.

"i mean, dude, be seriously. nobody cares about you that much to notice." you speak such kind words eric!!

he doesn't really like it when things get serious, so he'll generally try to transition the situation into something more casual. like he'll try to ease your (his) mood by getting snacks and playing games together, or even begging his mom to take you both to KFC

if you have a panic attack, all of his alarms are blaring and his brain is screaming flight!!!!! flight!!!! run the fuck away!!!!

and he probably tries to, but when you notice him and call his name he physically deflates

he awkwardly turns around and slowly strolls over. "Y/N... heeeeeeey... what's up... duuude..." you can hear the strain in his voice

if it gets to be too much, as in you won't stop hyperventilating or can't breathe, he'll probably alert an adult or take you to the nurse or something. he tells himself it's because he doesn't want to be a suspect of your death

if ur having trouble ordering food he'll gladly take ur place and make a scene to get all eyes on him. "erm excuthe me they athed for no pickleth🤓"

other than when you're voicing your anxiety, he probably treats you the same. i don't really think he'd take advantage of your anxiety unless you were like. butters or heidi or something and he was really trying to get you to do something for him or just trying to. stick himself in your mind. because he's a narcissist and he loves that!!

kenny mccormick

he doesn't relate necessarily, but he definitely understands.

he lives a lot of his life in fear of his next death, and is constantly praying it be quick and painless

kenny is more of a reserved fella, but not really shy or anxious. so if you're having trouble speaking up or ordering something he'll step up and do it gladly!!

i think he'd be pretty decent at comforting. like he'll pat his hand on your back and speak assuring, muffled words

"mm, mmph mmph mmmph! mmph mph mph mmmfmf mmf mph mph mmph!" (aww, it'll be okay. i'll walk you every step of the way, buddy!)

he tries to take your emotions into consideration more, and grabs your hand and squeezes it sometimes if you need a boost of confidence. sometimes he forgets your anxiety and says something rude and feels really bad about it

when you're having a panic attack, he's honestly really scared and expects you to start foaming at the mouth or something

he'll hesitate, but he'll pat your back and try to help you with grounding techniques. the 5-4-3-2-1 in particular is his favorite, and he'll tell you how to do it in like a rlly sweet and calming voice

he's still spooked though, and gets you a water bottle and like a washcloth. he's incredibly thankful you aren't dying or anything

kenny is very good at comforting! sometimes all it takes is a simple moment of eye contact and seeing his eyes crinkle that gives you a surge of calmness you didn't know you needed

tweek tweak

tweek is no outsider to anxiety and stress. he's literally a living beehive with all that damn vibrating

to anyone else, it would seem like tweek had a severe anxiety disorder, or even ADHD. but it turns out it's just a result of his crippling meth addiction and caffiene overdoses

he tries to think about what craigs taught him, about grounding techniques and how to handle a panic attack, and tries to apply those for you

he's shakily take your hand and wrap you in a blanket, making you hot cocoa and helping you slowly come back to your senses

"okay, okay, what are 5 things you can touch? or- no- AGH! was it 5 things you see- hear? no, ACK! i can't remember!"

most of the time if you're feeling on-edge about something, his main goal will be to just listen to you talk and validate your feelings. he doesn't really make it a point to give you advice or try to be logical, unless you directly ask for it

he's great at listening!!! he also doesn't trust his own advice enough to say it to someone else.

he really tries to think hard about what comforts him when he's anxious, and so he tries to use the tactics for you. for instance, he tries to help you get into a hobby like painting to have a bit more control over yourself

hc that tweek loves to draw with crayons so he'll make little drawings of you and him as stick figures being all happy and give them to you. as a treat

overall he is very attentive, and cares a lot. he tries his very best to be there for you, and a lot of the time that results in you two just hanging out or gaming together, so you can both get your mind off of things for a while. it makes him happy to be able to be there for someone else like craig was for him

[autisticwriterblog]

Welcome to: gender thoughts and worrying with Riley

Putting this under a cut because it's all about gender dysphoria, my thoughts about potentially starting HRT, transphobia and misgendering, and also some pretty TMI details.

Okay, so I've been comfortable describing myself as a transmasc person, or a NB trans man. Something very man-adjacent. And I'm happy with he/they pronouns (although I wish my family would use he/him more often - but that sounds ungrateful because I'm so glad they all got used to they/them, even my grandparents). Basically, I'm comfortable in my gender. But I sometimes wonder if I want my body to be different.

Top surgery was, without exaggeration, one of the best things that ever happened to me. I'm so much happier in myself, I can actually look at myself shirtless now, and I love touching my scars and seeing my flat chest under my shirts. I love everything about it.

But it sometimes doesn't feel like enough. I worry that everyone still views me as a girl who just cut her tits off. I met my aunt's boyfriend and within five minutes, he was talking to my aunt and said, "I was just asking Riley what sort of video games she likes." And I was sitting there in my clothes from the men's department and my buzz cut hair and my pretty androgynous appearance (I've naturally got a deeper voice for someone AFAB, I'm not that short and I have big feet, and I have a bit of very dark facial hair on my upper lip that the women in my family all pluck or bleach because they're self conscious about it, but I like it) and as I said above, my flat fucking chest under my POTF T-shirt. And yet he she/her'd me and it infuriated me. I clearly can't pass well enough to fool even someone who never met me before I came out.

(Side note: I really don't like the guy. He's a conspiracy theorist weirdo and he misgendered my aunt's god-son (not actually their relationship but it's easier to explain this way) multiple times and it was so fucking awkward. He kept asking about this couple's 'daughter' and I said "X and Y don't have a daughter" and he still kept doing it. Fucking prick.)

Anyway, this whole thing got me thinking about T again. I've always said I don't want it because you can't pick and choose what it'll give you. And for example, whilst I'd love my voice to be deeper and facial hair sounds pretty rad, I'm really not sure about the going through puberty all over again thing and there's a chance I'd lose my hair and I don't want that, and I'm 50/50 on if bottom growth would be an improvement or not. So, yeah, I always ruled it out.

But... I want to pass. I want to be read androgynous or masc, not just a butch woman. And I really think some parts of T would help. And who knows? Maybe I would like bottom growth? Who fucking knows. I'm already dysphoric about my genitals, so even though I mentioned worrying about that above, I'm not sure bottom growth could make things worse for me down there. I'm also a bit concerned about libido increase, but it's actually already been up recently since I got my first crush and I'm learning to deal with it. Plus, I did experience some of that during puberty and I survived.

Oh, and the hysterectomy thing is very likely to fall through because my doctor is fatphobic, so I'm kinda fucked about my painful periods for ages. But for a lot of people, T weakens or even stops their periods. And I keep thinking about how if that happened to me, it'd possibly solve my period dysphoria problem without having to pay £8000 for private surgery (because the NHS would never do it), assuming that my doctor would even do it even though he said he didn't have a fucking weight limit when I fucking paid £200 for a consultation. But I'm getting off topic.

Plus, I'm an impulsive person who changes his mind really easily, so my anxiety is being bitch and making me think "what if I regret it?!" even though that almost never happens and it's a fucking TERF talking point in my country. I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore.

But the biggest part is... I live with my parents and I need help with a lot of things bc autism (I can't drive or go anywhere on my own and I need help with phone calls and all sorts of shit that mean I'm never going to be independent), so if they had a problem with me taking T for whatever reason, I'd be fucked. They've always been supportive and say that they'll help me with whatever as long as it makes me happy... but what if me taking hormones would be a step too far for them? My dad still hasn't seen me shirtless and I worry it's because he still thinks I'm a girl. So he might freak out. Or maybe my mum would and that would hurt even more because she's the person I love most in the world and I wouldn't want her to hate me.

I just get scared of everything. And I want to be happy and I wonder sometimes if hormones would help. Or if even bringing up the topic with my family would make everything fall apart.

[wereh0gz]

Thinking about Archie comic's werehog

[shotorozu]

hi bae!!! deku, shoto, denki with an s/o who's like affectionate with all her friends and they get insecure and kinda jealous :( ?? tysm in advance <33

s/o that’s affectionate to friends

character(s) : midoriya izuku, todoroki shouto, kaminari denki (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name, L/N = last name] they/them pronouns used, quirk not specific

headcanon type : fluff, kinda angsty but there’s reassurance (x reader)

note(s) : another one i kinda held off doing because of it getting buried in the inbox sndjwkd i’m sorry for the delay! i didn’t like how denki’s turned out im so sorry

➽───────────────❥

midoriya izuku

man already knows that you’re very touchy with your friends, that’s just who you are

heck, i think before you guys started dating, you were touchy to him too! (but even more because,, you like him)

so he shouldn’t be shocked when you link onto kirishima’s arm, or when you jump to give mina a back hug

and most especially, when you poke at bakugou’s cheeks— and he just LETS YOU for some reason

he’s glad that you feel comfortable around people, considering that it’s why you’re even touchy in the first place.

but he can’t help but wonder,, is he doing enough to you? i mean, you basically do the same to him, but added the cheek, lip kisses

and the wonderful words you get to shower him in daily.

not only that, but he does tend to flush up when you try to initiate some sort of physical affection. maybe,, he’s supposed to let you be?

let you do all of that, since it makes you happy? i mean,, he supposes that he’s willing to do that.

izuku’s not a restrictive person when it comes to things like that, so he supposes that he’ll just have to ignore the weighted feeling on his shoulders despite not carrying a thing at that very moment

on the other hand, you couldn’t help but notice a change in izuku. not anything too concerning, of course

but he’d turn a blind eye— whenever you’d initiate physical affection to your other friends. he’d go silent, until it was over

eventually, you overhear a rather heartbreaking conversation between the dekusquad, and izuku himself

“deku! if you’re so down about it, then maybe you should tell Y/N about it! i don’t think they mean any harm.” you could hear uraraka console him

“correct. L/N-kun does not look like the type to be unfaithful. and even if they were, that would’ve been unacceptable behavior!”

and through out the discussion on how izuku could confront you, his s/o— he speaks abruptly

“i mean.. if Y/N is happy with being physically affectionate with their friends then,, i can’t stop them.” he says sadly, but it breaks your heart knowing that you’ve caused him to sound like this

“plus, i’m sure they have a reason to be acting that way, right?” you didn’t think how your affectionate attitude would have its effects on him

so, the next time you saw your boyfriend, you had a talk with him

“hey, honey!” he’d greet you with the usual demeanor, as if he didn’t just talk about his feelings “how are you? sorry that i was a little late, i was talking with the others!”

you smile, accepting the reason (since it’s true) “izuku, can you be honest with me?”

and this statement shocks him for a bit, “oh uhm,, yeah i can! did i do something wrong?” he scoots next to you, waiting for your reply

“does me being physically affectionate towards my friends make you,, uncomfortable?” you inquire, as straightforward as you could

he’s silent for a bit, which makes you speak again “you can be honest, it’s okay. you’re not in any trouble, zuku.” you ruffle his hair softly for comfort

then, he finally answers. “uhm,, uncomfortable isn’t the word. it’s not that i don’t trust you but,,”

“yeah?”

“i don’t trust,, me.”

this statement takes you by surprise, “oh, why?”

“i don’t trust myself that i could make you happy,” he continues “with physical affection, i mean. i understand if you weren’t, i just feel like i’m not giving you enough.”

“i understand though!” izuku continues, “whenever you initiate physical affection, i can’t help but get all staggery and nervous,” he rambles

he sounds normal, sure— but he’s not looking at you, his emerald eyes set in a downcast state

you make him face you, gently grabbing a hold of his shoulders “i’m sorry, zuku.” you press a kiss on his temples

“in truth, yes. i didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with my physical affection.” you confess, “i’d see that you’d go red whenever i’d initiate something,” you tease, which gives you the exact reaction you’ve wanted

“but then,, i also didn’t think about how you felt about it. i didn’t consider the possibility of you being uncomfortable with it, so i want to apologize for that.” you lean against him, taking his hand and pressing a kiss on his palm

“if you want, i could stop it. there are other ways i could show affection to my friends anyway!” you suggest, but he shakes his head, smiling

“i appreciate it, but you don’t have to.” he reassures, “if it makes you happy then i’ll be happy.”

“is there anything else?”

“just maybe uhm,,” he trails off for a second, before continuing “give me what you give them, but multiply it by 200!” he suggests, his regular self coming back to you

you laugh, leaning forward to kiss him softly, “i love you, izuku. only you. people may receive my affection, yes— but you’re the only one that deserves all of it.”

and with that, the weight on his shoulders is lifted, and he didn’t actually have anything to worry about.

todoroki shouto

despite shouto being sometimes socially ignorant, he is a very observant person when it comes to the person he likes

so the first thing he noticed was your touchy behavior, specifically towards your friends

sure, he’s had some of that physical affection— but it was like you knew him too well. so, he received it less that the others

it doesn’t mean that todoroki disliked your physical affection. during those few times, he did tend to,, not mind it at all, when he’d usually pull them off

and it doesn’t automatically mean that you didn’t like being around todoroki, it was given that he wasn’t very big on being physical

he didn’t care, again— as long as you were happy, but then there would be this tight feeling in his chest whenever you’d run off to do it to bakugou, hugging him leisurely

or even midoriya, sometimes

so, when you guys finally confess to each other— it doesn’t appear that your physical affection towards your peers came to an end

it remained the same, and while he’s the one that received your delightful words, fully devoted love, and time— he can’t help but frown whenever he sees you latch onto kaminari

or when you sit beside midoriya and count all the freckles on his cheeks— the blush on his face being hard to ignore, in your boyfriend’s eyes.

i don’t think shouto’s a jealous person— protective is one thing, and possessive? maybe that one time, he was. but jealous? maybe not.

well, it’s not like he doesn’t trust you to stay loyal and faithful, that’s a different thing. but it’s more like,, he wants for the affection you’re giving to them

needy, that’s the word

early on, (and maybe even before you got together with shouto) it’s been established that shouto wasn’t a biggest fan of physical affection, besides hand holding, and cheek kisses for now

it makes sense to you, especially hearing about his childhood, and his father’s true colors— that are far from anything heroic.

and you definitely respect what he wants— if he wants space, you’ll comply! and if he wanted more, you’ll also be willing to comply!

that’s why you’ve been keeping things just at that— the last thing you want is making shouto uncomfortable, the concept terrifies you

but,, shouto doesn’t exactly know how to tell you that he wants more, more and more— he wants all of your affection

so, what does he do? he tells you in one exact way— he tells you what’s on his mind

and quite bluntly for that matter

the both of you have been sitting in silence for a bit, no words were exchanged. however, glances were sent towards your way

his stare has a different edge to it, as if he had something in particular he wanted to say— mouth gaping open as if he were to speak, but no words come out

“shou,” you call out to him softly, “it looks like you have something to say,” you smile at him, wanting to know what was in that head of his “you can talk to me.”

a minute flies by, and he’s still silent, and you’re about to drop the topic for good— until he finally speaks up “i don’t know what i’m feeling.”

this quirks your interest, “oh, what,, are you feeling?” what he said worries you, since it kinda sounds like he was about to deliver some bad news

“i’m,, not sure myself.” he stares down at his hands “i feel weird, whenever i see you be.. touchy around the others.”

weird, huh? “what kind of weird? could you try to explain? maybe i could pinpoint what you’re feeling.”

“i feel weird, since i haven’t experienced this before,” he breathes in, before he goes on “i feel like i want more, selfishly more. i thought i would’ve been fine with receiving minimal physical affection,”

he turns to you, heterochromatic eyes staring deep into yours “but i’m not fine with it! i want more, like what you give to the others. so that’s why,, it’s weird.”

and it suddenly dawns onto you on what he’s talking about, he’s talking about you being physically affectionate towards your friends and classmates

and how he doesn’t like it.

you frown, scooting next to him “i’m sorry you feel that way, shou.” you fix a stray piece of hair that has been misplaced, hanging near his brow

“i’m glad that you were being honest, and told me,” you cautiously hold his hand, looking at him to detect any discomfort

there’s none

“yes, i’ve been careful. i don’t wish to make you feel weird— in the bad way, and most especially uncomfortable!” he nods in understanding, he adjusts the hold on your hand, choosing to place his hand on top of yours

“and i didn’t.. think about how you would’ve felt about it. i should’ve asked you about it first.” you look at him with meaning, “‘m sorry.”

his gaze softens, and he leans closer— ever than before “it’s alright, love, no need to apologize,”

“that’s just who you are, if you show gratitude and affection with being physical, then that’s okay. i just,, want more— if that’s okay with you.” you nod, laughing softly

“i’ll give you more, if that’s what you wish. i’ll give you everything you want, whatever makes you happy.” shouto presses a kiss on your temple

“so,, does that mean you’re going to.. stop?” he asks— just because he wanted to know

“oh, if you want to, then i will.”

“you don’t have to but.. maybe tone it down?” he suggests, because although the idea of your physical affection towards your friends coming to a halt, is nice he wouldn’t admit that outloud

he doesn’t want you to stop, if that’s how you show gratitude to your friends. so, toning it down’s the best option

“i will,” you smile, “only high fives, pats on the back, and quick hugs, from now on!”

the statement makes him smile, a genuine one— he’s just glad that his concerns have a resolve now. man was just really touch starved, couldn’t blame him

kaminari denki

it took a while for him to actually start being concerned

i mean— dude’s practically the same as you. have you seen him play with ojirou’s tail? he always finds himself touching someone

whether it’d be him poking bakugou’s spiky head of hair (until he’d scream at him) or him resting his elbows on kirishima— he’s always touching someone

so, he understands if you’re going to be touchy feely with others. he actually finds it quite cute when you show your endearing side to your friends with touch (without crossing boundaries of course)

so, it was okay keyword : was

until you slowly started kissing your friends on the cheek— and it erupted,, something from within

it was so casual, that he had to process what just happened— following it up with a smile, to play it off.

he feels bad for feeling iffy about it, honest! he doesn’t have a reason to distrust you, so this feels all,, wrong for him

the gesture was definitely a gradual process. it wasn’t like you just randomly started to kiss people on the cheek— and it wasn’t like you were depriving him

so this made him think harder than he has ever thought before. maybe you were getting tired of being affectionate to him only, so you moved away from that?

or maybe you were tired of HIS affection?

maybe you were giving people affection, because they deserved it, and he didn’t? if this was the case, denki can’t complain.

denki knows he’s not smart like iida, or serious like bakugou.

but even to denki, all of that is a stretch. he’s just laying out all of the possible reasons— rational or not

and before he realized it, you knew that there was something up

denki; utterly afraid of losing you, switches from super affectionate to being isolated in his room— every single day

this is his way of experimenting with your reactions

even the bakusquad didn’t know what was up so,, yeah. there must be something bothering him.

you’re given a few ideas as to why kaminari might be acting this way, and the exact idea popped into your mind

you made him insecure

and you instantly felt bad— yes, you give all of your friends cheek kisses, and you give them to your boyfriend too!

but you didn’t realize that you would’ve potentially harmed him in the process. so, you sought out to talk to him

“hey babe,” it was just in time, your boyfriend enters through your door, “i was looking everywhere for you, you won’t believe it! i would’ve evaporated if i had to endure bakugou’s screaming one more time!”

“i was looking for you too,” you smile, ushering him to sit on your bed, “listen, i want to talk to you.”

“oh,”

“don’t worry, denki. you’re not in any trouble,” you reassure, “i just want to apologize”

it’s his turn to be confused “what? why?”

“let me ask you one thing, how do you feel about me giving people affection?”

he swallows harshly, but answers truthfully “i like it a lot, babe! i do find it cute.” he smiles, but you’re not fully convinced that his statement made it’s end

“i feel like there’s more i should know.”

“i,, yeah.” he admits, and not very gracefully “it’s— ugh! i’m sorry. i know this is really out of character for me, and i’m sorry that you have to see me feeling like,,”

“you can be honest.” you remind him briefly

“—weird. look, it’s not like your love language is weird to me. i think it’s just me being a needy idiot! and it’s not like i think you’re cheating on me!” he holds his hands up in defense

“but in a way,, i didn’t expect you to do that— you’ve only started doing it recently.”

“so it made you uncomfortable?” you’re preparing for the expected answer, ready for what’s about to be said

“,, if the shoe fits.”

seeing denki in this sort of manner gave you the biggest reality check. yes, you knew that you had something to do with his recent personality change

but you didn’t realize how much it made him question himself.

“i’m sorry, once again” you apologize, “it was wrong of me to assume you were fine with it, i just thought you’d be fine with it since well,,”

“hey, it’s okay,” denki smiles, his mood slightly better “i’m touchy too, i mean,, we both show affection physically! i’m not very surprised that you thought i was fine with it.” he brushes his thumb on your cheekbone

“i mean it, denki. i didn’t realize how much it would’ve affected you. you might not realize it, but i do.”

“it’s fineeee,” he whines playfully when you’re still upset, “Y/N, you’re affectionate, which is a trait i absolutely love. if you’re physically affectionate, that fine.”

“just uhm,,” he trails off, almost awkwardly. “maybe,, don’t bless them with your,, cheek kisses? ugh! omg there was definitely a better way to say that.”

to any other person, that would’ve been awkward— like,, really. but you understood, that’s how much you know about him

“got it, they will be exclusively for you.” you kiss him on the cheek, “thanks for being honest, denki.”

at that moment, denki’s shoulders felt lighter, and he suddenly forgot about why he even felt this way. yes, you still gave people physical affection BUT

denki kaminari still wins 😎 your kisses and ultimate tokens of affection are strictly for him

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission :))

[sanders-sides-fic]

A hole of your shape in my heart

So… My brain went to war with me today. So I wrote some Anxceit-centred angst to cope. Consider yourself warned, this will hurt. I do hope you'll enjoy it regardless, though.

Trigger warnings: implied depression, mentions of panic attacks, self harm, fainting, memory loss

If I forgot a trigger or there is something you would like to be added to that list, please go ahead and tell me. You can do so anonymously as well.

It wasn't that bad at the beginning. A bit of a cold shiver, running down his spine. Ice that seemed to settle in his lounges. A dull ache. Nothing serious, really. He knew that it wasn't good to ignore it, he knew that from the start. And yet he couldn't help it.

They were happy. That was all that mattered to him then. Remus and Janus were happy. That was more important than a bit uncomfortableness. He was used to having panic attacks, mental breakdowns and the sudden urge to cry anyways. This didn't make such a big difference.

Except that it did.

You see, Remus was born without a soulmate. He just didn't have one. Janus, on the other hand, had an accident when he was younger. There was a nasty scar on the left side of his face, which he had covered up with a tattoo of a snake later. Ever since that accident, he'd been soul-blind. Colourblind for soulmates. He did have a soulmate, he just couldn't feel the bond anymore. Oh, it was still there, alright. He could feel that much. But he just couldn't tell anything beyond that. So he'd given up on finding that soulmate.

That's how Remus and Janus had gotten together in the first place. And that was wonderful. It was great. They made such a nice pair. They were happy and in love and sweet and… And it had come as a blow to the face to Virgil.

The three of them had been friends for years. When they'd become teens, Virgil had finally realised what the bond had been telling him all the time. The pretty sparkles around Janus, the glitter in the air that portrayed his emotion in colours, the warmth around his heart that reminded him of Janus. Janus could only feel that warmth. He wondered what it felt like to him. What he felt like to him. Because Janus was Virgil's soulmate.

Virgil had been a bit happy and a bit sad about that. Happy because he liked Janus and he knew him and that was fine. Sad because Janus couldn't tell that they were soulmates.

And that was why he kept telling himself that he'd tell Janus. For sure. But somehow he always ducked out the last moment. Something always happened. Just little things, but things that were bad enough to make him retreat into his shell.

He should have known. When Janus said he would give up on searching for a soulmate he couldn't even tell apart from the rest of the world, he should have known. And yet he hadn't expected Janus to start dating people. Janus was his soulmate, his. He didn't even consider the possibility that he might see other people. How very stupid of him.

He had almost told Janus that day. They were eighteen then, and he had bought a yellow nasturtium, Janus's favorite flower. It was inside a black pot that he'd made himself. He'd always liked to do pottery, it calmed him down. This was the best one he made so far, he thought.

He also wrote down what he wanted to say. How much Janus meant to him, how badly he wanted to be with him, that they were soulmates, that he didn't even mind that Janus couldn't tell and that he was sorry he hadn't said anything before. That it was okay if Janus needed time because this was so sudden, but that he hoped he'd give Virgil a chance anyways. Virgil had used his favorite paper. It was a bit fancy, but not over the top. And it smelled like Lavender, which always calmed him down. He'd wasted quite a bit of this paper because he kept starting over, but that was worth it. Janus was worth it.

But Janus had already told him that he wasn't waiting for his soulmate anymore. And when Janus arrived at his apartment that day, it was with his hand in Remus's.

"He asked me out earlier. I can't believe I said yes, the way he did it was terrible, really." But Janus had smiled, and Remus had laughed, and Virgil had been late.

He knew Remus wasn't to blame, and neither was Janus. They were happy right now. Remus hadn't been happy or confident when it came to the topic of love in forever. Janus had suffered because he'd always been so, so scared of his soulmate rejecting him for not being able to tell. And now they were happy and it was without him.

It hurt. A lot. But he didn't want to ruin their happiness. It was only his fault. He was to blame, for hesitating. For not wanting to ruin their friendship. For being selfish.

So he secretly took the letter and hid it in the bottom of his desk drawer. And he wished them the best.

After that, they started to drift away. Remus and Janus had a lot of date nights. And Virgil drifted away from them because he couldn't stand seeing them. It hurt too much, was all. Whenever Janus would smile at him, whenever Janus laughed, whenever Remus sighed and told him about a cute thing Janus had done, whenever they shared a milkshake, whenever they were so there, so with each other.

Whenever Janus insisted Virgil come as well, saying he missed him. Because Virgil knew, he knew that was because Janus could still feel the soulmate bond. But Janus didn't know, and Janus didn't see him that way, and that was just cruel. Why did fate do this to him? Why did it hate him so much?

After a while, when Virgil couldn't take it anymore, he begun to initiate fights. Janus was too much of a liar, he was too anxious to trust him. Remus was creepy and gross, he couldn't understand why he would say something like that. In the end, he became more and more of an asshole to the two of them. Their days were either spent apart or fighting, and Virgil would cry himself to sleep, pain and cold emptiness gnawing away at his soul.

After a while, he had pushed them so far away that he barely saw them at all anymore. And by then he was so used to it that he could just pretend everything was fine during the day. Sure, he couldn't bare to take off his hoody even in scalding hot summer. Sure, his panic attacks got worse and more frequent. Sure, he had started to wear black eyeshadow purely to hide the bags under his eyes. Sure, he woke up to dried tears on his face every single day. But it was fine. He was fine. He could take this, if it meant that the two most important people in his life were happy.

Patton, the soulmate of Remus's brother, had somehow ended up noticing how he was alone all the time now. And he'd adopted him into their friend group.

Roman and Remus were on bad terms with each other, so he barely knew them. It was kind of a fresh start, even if it was a rocky one. Remy and Roman were the least accepting of him. Roman because "A, he is the type of person Remus would hang out with. And, B, he hurt Remus with his sudden bullshit. Believe me, if you knew the things I learned through my brother…" and Remy just because he didn't want to breath the same air as him. Apparently.

Remy didn't hang out with the group if Virgil was with them. They meet up without him, which was a solution everyone was fine with. Besides, Remy had always liked to suddenly disappear and appear according to his mood. At least that was what his soulmate, Logan, said.

Roman, on the other hand, couldn't stay away that much. After all it was Patton who stuck to Virgil like friendly glue made out of puns, and Patton was Roman's soulmate. Both of them were extremely clingy too, apparently. So the two of them exchanged sarcastic comments and rude nicknames, but they didn't outright hate each other. At least Virgil didn't hate Roman.

Logan was nice to talk to. Almost as good at debates as Janus. They didn't have debates about philosophy, though. Those were reserved for Janus, and it felt like betraying him to have such a debate with someone else. They soon got to a point where hanging out was almost enjoyable, where they kind of liked each other.

And then, suddenly, it got a lot worse. A lot worse. So bad, Virgil couldn't get up in the morning. He couldn't eat anything, couldn't stop crying, could barely breath. About four panic attacks and one night of terrible, terrible loneliness later, Roman, Logan and Patton showed up at his door.

He couldn't help himself. He was so lonely, and he felt so worthless, and Patton was the only one who really wanted him around anyways. So he shrugged their concerns off, taking a sip from his hot coffee - the only acceptable hot beverage in August - and saying: "Well, I just… assumed you didn't want me around. I mean, you don't like me much anyways, so."

Patton had gasped in offence and horror, and Virgil couldn't help but smile at that, though the hole in his chest was still too much to bare and he couldn't look at them. "Yeah, yeah. Except you, Pat."

He'd been wrong. Logan drew up an entire chart to prove how much he contributed to their friend group and how much he provided. Even Roman told him that he was wanted, needed even. It was nice and wholesome, and to his surprise, it made him feel so much better. For just a moment, the hole inside his chest wasn't as icy and cold.

They ended up watching Disney that evening, with a bowl of popcorn and too much comments to actually concentrate on the movie. Later at night, Virgil even confessed that he knew his soulmate. A sore subject he didn't want to touch normally. They asked him why he was single, of course, whether it didn't work out between the two of them, whether that was even possible. And Virgil had shrugged. "I wouldn't know. We never tried, he already has someone." Then he'd chuckled. "I guess that was why I was such an asshole to Re and Jan when they got together, too. Kinda made me feel jealous and… lonely. Don't tell them, though. They don't even know that I already met my soulmate."

Janus would have been proud of him, for how well he had managed to lie to his new friends. Well, not lie directly. But a lie of omission, right?

There were many days like this after that. Days where everything got too much. His new friends understood that he sometimes had bad days. Patton would sent him videos of cute dogs and cats when he let them know he was out of order for that day. Roman would send him memes and Logan would tell him fun facts. It was precious of them, and it made Virgil feel a lot less lonely. The cold was still there, layered around the soulmate bond, the hole was just as gaping as always, but he didn't feel as lonely. And that was good enough.

Other days he could almost pretend that things were fine. He would be around his new friends for as long as his little, introverted heart allowed him. Then he'd listen to music, get stuff done, worry about dead lines and the world instead of Remus, or Janus and his absence in Virgil's life. Sometimes he would read, too. Or do pottery. He didn't do pots anymore though. Or flowers. Just art or tableware.

He didn't even mean to do it the first time. Really, it was an accident. He was just tired, and he did the dishes and then he accidentally cut himself with a knife. But as the blood trickled down his finger, the pain outside kind of overwhelmed the pain inside. So he sat down and watched his finger bleed. Because his hand was wet, it looked like more blood than it actually was.

He thought about that moment often after that, whenever the pain got too much to bare and he could barely hang on. And he did try to fight it, really, he did. But in the end, it was too tempting. Just a few cuts at a time, at first. Somewhere where no one would notice. With the hoody, that wasn't even that hard, actually. He always put on gauze, too, to make sure it didn't get infected.

It got a bit more when he heard from Roman that Janus and Remus had broken up. Apparently Janus felt weird dating Remus. They suspected that it was because Remus wasn't his soulmate - because Janus was Virgil's, his, he was supposed to date him and he wanted to yell it at Janus already, telling him the truth, finally holding him and kissing him and filling this Janus's formed hole in his heart - and Remus fully understood it. Things were a bit awkward between the two of them, but they would keep being friends.

And it got even more worse when Patton was Patton and decided to use this opportunity to get Virgil to make up with the two of them. It was nice of him, but the thing was that Janus was still Virgil's soulmate and didn't know about it.

He and Janus didn't get along too well. He made up with Remus way faster. And Roman didn't like Janus too much either, but once again Patton insisted on adopting the man into their friend group and Roman was too clingy to avoid him. But Janus made it, in the end. Of course Janus made it. He was dazzling and charismatic like that.

Only Virgil couldn't help keeping his defences up. If he let them down, he would tell him the truth. And he couldn't do that, not now, not until he made everything okay again. But he couldn't do that, not without letting his defences down and that just killed him on the inside.

And then he had a bad day. But he wanted to see Janus, so he got up and met up with the others. It helped. Seeing Janus there helped. Hearing him and Patton talking about Kant, watching him smile at Logan and joke around with both Remus and Roman… It helped. And yet it made him so much more aware of what he was missing.

Remus and Roman drove home together. Logan was supposed to meet Remy, so he had excused himself earlier. Patton worked in the café they'd been in, and his shift started after their meeting. So that left Virgil and Janus to walk out together.

Janus smelled like coconut, and his lips were a little chapped. Early winter, he always got chapped lips this time of year. The light made his skin glow, and from this angle with the way the light hit them his left eye looked a lot more golden than brown, unlike the right one.

It hurt. He wanted to grab Janus's hand, he wanted to kiss those lips, he wanted to hug him and never let him go, he wanted to grab him and hold him close until the smell of coconut would transfer to himself as well. He wanted, he wanted, he wanted so bad.

But how was he supposed to do any of it? How was he supposed to tell him?

In the end, he decided to just get it over with. Like a bandaid, just ripping it off. Straight out with it. But just when he was about to, had already taken a breath and opened his mouth…

"I missed you." Janus's melodic voice sounded way too sad. Virgil didn't like it. "Why did you just leave us behind, Virge? I missed you, but… You were acting so strange. You still are. Are you mad because I never texted you?"

He didn't say anything. Couldn't, even though he wanted to.

"If that's it, then I'm sorry. But, Virge, I… I did miss you. And you acting so cold to me really sucks. You're getting along fine with Remus now, so why not me?" He stopped and looked Virgil in the eyes, looking like he was searching for something. What, Virgil didn't know. But he didn't find it, judging by the way he averted his eyes. And that hurt, too. Everything hurt. He just wanted to go now. "I thought we were friends."

"No. I don't think we ever were supposed to be friends." Virgil took a deep breath. Now. He had to tell him now. Bandaid, remember? Just tell him. Virgil opened his mouth, looking at Janus.

Right. Just out with it. "The truth is we're soulmates. I'm sorry I never told you, I was scared. But I love you, Janus." Right. That was all he had to say. Just three sentences. Go on, do it. Please, just get them out already. It's been years now. You've known since you were sixteen, you've known for four years now. He deserves to know, too.

In the end, he shook his head. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that, I…" couldn't say it again. He ignored the tears gathering in his eyes as he turned away from Janus's hurt look. "I'm not feeling that good."

And he ran. He ran away, like he always did. God, he was such a coward. And for what?

At home, he pulled out the letter from last year. Then, he screamed. He couldn't take it anymore, he just screamed and sobbed. And he knew that it wasn't fair, that he'd done this to himself, but he was in so much pain. He just couldn't take it.

But he'd done this to himself. By hesitating, by not giving the letter, by ruining what little relationship he had with his soulmate, by pushing him away, by lying, by not saying what he wanted to. And what for? A fleeting happiness, a failed relationship, a churning ball of fear in his stomach?

Virgil didn't mean for it to get that bad. He meant to stop earlier. He didn't mean for the wounds to be that deep either. But they did, and he didn't, and he only really realised when he got dizzy at standing up. Oh. Oh, that was a lot of blood. And he was still bleeding. Damnit, he needed help. But who would…? Who could…

He grabbed his phone and called the first number in his contacts. It was Remus's voice that picked up after the second ring. "Hey, Rem. It's me." He winced at how weak his voice sounded. "I, uh… I did something stupid. And I know I've been an asshole, but I really, really need your help."

"Janus said you didn't feel so good." Remus sounded genuinely worried. And was that Janus's voice in the background? It was, wasn't it? Tears sprung to his eyes again.

"Yeah. Hey, tell him I'm sorry for me? I wanted to say something, but I didn't again, and… yeah." He couldn't understand the response he got. Blinking, he tried to stay awake. Falling asleep was bad, right? Oh, right. Remus. "Listen, Remus, I… Did something stupid. There's a lot of blood. I think I need to go to the hospital."

"Blood? The hospital? Virgil what did you do?!"

He flinched at the panicked voice. That didn't suit Remus at all. Wait, wasn't that Janus? Had Remus put him on speaker? Well, it didn't matter, really. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." He said instead. And then: "I'm scared."

"Okay. Okay, shit. We're almost there. It's alright, we're almost- Take a left, Re, that's faster. We're almost there, okay Virge?"

"Okay." He hesitated, lump in his throat. He thought he could feel tears running down his face, but he was a bit too out of it to be sure. "Thank you."

They kept their word. He could hear Janus's shocked cry and Remus's cussing before the darkness took over.

❖

When he woke up, he was in a white room. Around him, he could see a bunch of people. One with dirty blonde hair and freckles, holding hands with a brunette with glasses. Next to them sat a man with similar glasses and black hair. On the other side was a man much like the first, but with one strand dyed silver and the rest chestnut brown. And another man, who stole the breath right out of his lunges.

Long, golden hair, tied up to a bun, pale skin, warm eyes somewhere between gold and brown, and a snake tattoo on his left cheek. He wore black, with yellow and gold accessories, and he was absolutely stunning. Around him there were weird fireworks, almost like glitter. Did the others see that, too? It was blue, and something inside him told him that that was worry. The same part clenched around his heart, demanding to make the worry go away.

But… "Who are you?"

They all gasped, looking at him. "Virgil?! Oh my god, you're awake." That was the voice of the man with the dyed hair. What was his name? He couldn't quite remember.

"I don't… Who are you? Where am I? Do I know you? I think I know you, but…" He trailed off, regretting having said anything when hurt crossed the stunning man's face. "Sorry."

"Oh, no, you don't… I'm sorry. I should've noticed you were hurting." He sighed, putting on an obviously fake smile as he grabbed his - Virgil's? His name was Virgil, had the man said, right? - hand. "We are your friends, Virgil. That's Logan, Patton, Roman, and Remus. And I am Janus." Janus. Yeah, Virgil though, that fit him. But somehow, Janus looked like he was steeling himself for something. He took a deep breath, smiling more, tears in those wonderful eyes. "I'm you soulmate."

"My soulmate?"

Janus nodded, clutching a purple piece of paper in his hand. "Yes. It's a bit complicated, but, I am. We're soulmates."

Virgil nodded, looking around. There were a lot of people around him. And they all looked so happy to see him awake. His friends and his soulmate, huh? Virgil looked back to Janus. "There's a lot of people here."

"Do you want us to go, kiddo?" That was Patton who'd said that, right? He sounded sad at the idea, and Virgil didn't like it much either. So he shook his head.

"No. I was just thinking, there's a lot of people caring about me."

He got a few sad smiles in return. "Of course, Virge. We all love you very much. And don't you dare to forget that again, you hear?" Janus clenched Virgil's hand in his and put it to his forehead, almost desperately. "Don't you ever dare forget that I love you. You idiot."

General taglist🖤: @gattonero17 @alias290

[tsunonotarou]

Being Childhood Friends to Lovers with...

notes — Bro I fucking THIRST for this man he can rip me open

— Also I think I’m gonna start this series called “Being Childhood Friends to Lovers with...” because childhood friends to lovers shit is my kind of shit

— We’re debuting this series with Leona 🥳

BEING CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS WITH...

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

— AS A CHILD

He cherishes you a lot even though he might not show it

You’re the first ever person who acknowledges him, first ever person who approached him first and talked to the second son

He thought you were strange at first, because why would you talk to a mere second born when the first is right here with you? So he distances himself and avoided you at first, thinking you have ulterior motives

You got the signs and didn’t pester him after that—which he is glad for—but he find himself secretly looking at you or purposely look for you in the castle whenever you come visit (let’s say you’re a royalty too and your parents’ are good friends)

It was when he saw you sulking and pouting by yourself, he felt bad and maybe, you just wanted to be friends

The servants always prepared your favorite sweets when you come visit but you didn’t want any after realizing that he’s ignoring you

So he took some, went to look for you and threw them at you

“H-Huh?—“ you got startled and quickly looked up, seeing his neutral expression on and looking down on you

“So, your parents bought you that whatever thing you want, and then what?”

The way he remembers your one-sided conversation with him before honestly made you tear up, you didn’t think he was listening

From then on, you were also excited to visit the king’s castle because you get to see him, and you made sure to bring various of things over for him and you to play

There was one time he accidentally overheard some servants of yours “advising” you to stop hanging around with Leona Kingscholar, saying how he isn’t worth your time and shouldn’t be influenced by him

Though he was sure of your loyalty and friendship with him, he still has his doubts, maybe, you secretly dislike him too

He waited for your response, your silence only made him more anxious as time pass by

“...Hey.” He bit the inside of his cheek, awaiting for your answer

“I’m gonna ask my parents to fire you all.”

His eyes were wide as ever, and so were the servants’

“B-But please, Princess/Prince Y/N-“

“I will not tolerate anyone who badmouths my friend, moreover, who do you guys think you are? Telling me who I should be friends with now?”

As much as Leona tries to stop it, his eyes watered, lips quivering at your words

He never told you how he eavesdropped your conversation with those servants, because eventually it’ll lead to how he reacted, and he’s never going to tell you he almost cried

He taught you how to roar once, got super red when he himself haven’t even mastered it yet

Glares at your form rolling on the floor laughing

— AS TEENAGERS

He is two years older than you, so he got enrolled into Night Raven College first, during the times he was at the dorm you were bored to death

One of the main reasons (probably the only reason) why he’d go back home during breaks is because of you, he could care less about the grand welcome back party—which he was sure the servants were forced to put up—and the fake smiles from relatives, but he had to see you

Is always prepared for the uncalled tackle hug from you but somehow you always manage to knock him off balance, causing the two of you to fall down onto the sandy ground

You rambled and rambled, he listened but solely focused on how your features changed, you definitely grew up, got more attractive, too

Oh fuck

He mentally cursed when he finally realizes how his heart is beating in an unusual pace, feeling his cheeks warm up and how he felt like melting right there and then

Buried his feelings deep down because of his insecurities and acted as normal as he could with you after

You have never seen him panicked so much, got so angry and frustrated before, it happened once, when the topic of arranging a marriage for you and his older brother, Farena, was mentioned

He strongly opposes the idea but reminding him that he is only a second son, hence have no say in this matter was enough to shut him down

You tried to go after Leona who stormed to his room but decided you have more important matters at hand, matters that you need to clarify first

Politely declining the marriage and telling how Farena is a good person, but you have eyes for someone else

Everyone in the room (which consisted of both your parents and Farena) knew who you were talking about, and they were shocked, to say the least

You can clearly see the discomfort in yours and his’ parents faces, but you also can clearly see Farena’s secret wink towards you, telling you he approves

You and Farena never had any romantic feelings for each other anyway, and he was always teasing about you and Leona when you two were little

Knocking on Leona’s room softly then creaking it open, you peek your head inside to see him lying on the bed on his side with his back facing you

“Leona.”

“Leona?”

“Leooona.”

“Leeeeeeonaaaaaa.”

“LEONA WAKE THE FUCK UP.”

“FUCK-“

He winces and jolted up after you slapped his arm

Snaps and growls at you, rubbing the spot where you attacked earlier

He was all grumpy and upset until you tell him you rejected the marriage

Stares at you for a good ten seconds before sighing, slowly resting his forehead on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around you

You two have had naps together, held hands when you were little but have never been this physically close after you two grew up, you two are the best of friends but there are boundaries as friends, so this was new to you, naturally, your cheeks bursted in all shades of red

“I’m glad...” you can hear him mumble, placing a hand on his soft hair and patting it before give it a stroke, calming him down

— AS STUDENTS IN NIGHT RAVEN COLLEGE

You teases him so fucking much about being a dorm leader, like- how??? He’s just so lazy and unmotivated to do anything that you’re impressed

Surprisingly takes very good care of you both as a friend and a senior, it was surprising for the Savanaclaw dorm members to see Leona actually giving fucks about someone, a freshman no less, so they got interested in you very quickly

Which resulted in Leona scaring them away because they’re too close for his liking

He always suggests you to take naps and laze around with him though, so it’s no good since you have to get good grades

You’re the one who’s always dragging him to classes (if you’re lucky to get him to move)

You two never bothered to tell anyone that you’re childhood friends, it didn’t seem to have the need to

So everyone thought you two were dating because of how close you are 💀

Definitely got jealous at how you made new friends

He doesn’t mind if you have new friends, it’s natural, it’s only concerning if you don’t have any

But if you’re spending more time with them than with him? Best know that he’d trap you in his room and never let you go out

This won’t stop until you figure out why he’s like this and promise him he’ll stay as number one in your friendship list

You really shouldn’t be but you’re still laughing at how he’s repeating school years to this day

But you’re also kind of glad that he’s still here with you, it’d be boring if he weren’t

Plus, Leona wouldn’t leave you here alone anyway, there’s too many people he can’t trust and he just generally don’t wanna leave you alone

The confession was surprisingly normal and quick, no stutters or nervous twiddles of fingers from him

He kinda just, got tired of you being so physically close and attached to everyone else that he want to call you his and his only

He’s the type that’d suddenly pin you down on his bed while you’re talking about what you and your other friends did that day

Enjoys the deep blush and lip quiver on you as he finally confesses his feelings for you, leaning down onto your ear and whisper huskily about-

His arms quickly wrapped around his stomach and coughs as your strong kick jerked him back, he ended up kneeling on his bed, hunched over as he groans

He thought he invaded your privacy and made you uncomfortable so he quickly look up to check up on you, afraid of the terrified and disgusted look on your face, but what greeted him was a hot, hot face as you refuse to look him in the eye

He stared, and stared, a small blush slowly coming up to his own cheeks before a pillow was thrown at his face

Seeing you so flustered reminded him of the past few days when he debated with himself whether he should go for it or not, he might seem smug for now, but before this cocky smirk appeared he was a nervous wreck

So the two of you kinda just stayed like that in his room, freezing on your spot with dead silence

“A-At least give me an answer...damn it.” A miracle that he stuttered

He watches as you fiddled with your finger, looking down with mumbles he couldn’t make words out from

“I...I like you too.”

This is so lame, you two are like middle school kids confessing your love for each other and yet, those simple words made his heart flip like crazy

Now that he’s confirmed your answer, prepare for a wild but sweet kiss from him

— AS LOVERS

It was a little bumpy at first, mostly from you though, because you’re just so used to being “just friends” with him that you don’t know how to act as his lover

He didn’t change much, maybe a little bit sweeter and considerate than before but he’s just the old Leona you know, which you’re glad for, you didn’t want him to change

He’s more protective now since you’re finally his, and he made sure to let everyone know that

Doesn’t really have a say on PDA, he’s fine with or without it, but he would definitely shove his tongue into your mouth right on the spot if someone even dare to look at you in the wrong way

Really likes wrapping an arm around your waist and put his whole weight on you because he’s lazy and tired of walking

Will actually fall on you when you’re in the botanical garden so that you couldn’t get up and is forced to take a nap with him

Play with his hair!! He loves it to death, though he might grumble and say he doesn’t, we all know he’s lying

You have to reassure him that he’ll always be your number one, he’s already suffered enough, if you end up leaving him he doesn’t know how to cope with it

Cuddles, cuddles and cuddles 24/7, he will not let you go

He sometimes just stares at you as you talk or do your own thing and think about how lucky he is to have you, it might not seem possible but literal hearts appeared in his eyes

If you ever catch him staring at you and tease him for it he’ll growl and pounce on you, how dare you make fun of your king like that? Prepare for a punishment my friend ;)

[writefightandflightclub]

Mixed signals

Author’s note: just a quick, simple hit of pure fluff, sweeties. Wrote this super quick idk. 

Summary: you are Poe’s favoured comms officer, and it means so much to him to have your voice on the end of the line during a mission. You’re great at comms. You’ve talked him through some tough times. So why in the hell can’t he get you to speak to him when you’re face-to-face? And will his cute idea to get you talking work?

Warnings: hell, not a one.

(GIF by @cmorgana​)

Poe has grown pretty fond of you over the past few months. The first time he spoke to you was over the comms, when his usual signals operator was injured and you were drafted in. He liked your style and you gelled well, and soon after he requested with the General that you be assigned to him and his squadron permanently whenever he was out on a mission. He trusted you to get the job done clearly, calmly, and decisively. You always stayed admirably cool in a crisis. And, to be honest, the other guy had always rubbed him up the wrong way, which was the last thing he needed when already under pressure.

He has come to depend on your voice on the other end of the line. Particularly the way you go over and above for him. Sometimes you talk him down if he’s scared on a mission -whether on the ground or in the air-, you boost him up when he’s hopeless, and sometimes you’ll even just keep him company through a private channel on his long flights home. You’re even ballsy enough to call him out when he’s being a dumbass, which he respects, even if he doesn’t admit it at the time. Your voice is often his lifeline, his saviour, and he’s losing count of the number of times you’ve guided him back home. 

But when he’s face-to-face with you things are different. He can’t -for the life of him- get you to speak to him. It’s not like he hasn’t tried, of course. Case in point, the first time he spoke to you face-to-face, when you had just a couple of missions under your belt together, didn’t go down so well. He’d sidled over to your table in the canteen, thinking that he wouldn’t mind grabbing lunch and introducing himself to this (cute) new recruit he’d laid eyes on.

“Hey. Can I sit here?” he asks with a broad smile. “I don’t think we’ve met?”

“Yes, Commander Dameron.”

He recognises your voice instantly, suddenly turning goofy when he realises it’s you. “It’s you! From the comms!” he exclaims, with a succession of finger guns, cringing inwardly even as he does it, a heat slowly rising up his neck.

“Yes, sir. It’s me from the comms.” you slink away immediately, setting your empty tray down on the side without so much as a smile. He’s left sitting there alone, feeling like a bit of a buffoon, if he’s honest.

From then on, even in spite of that, he couldn’t stop wanting to talk to you. Your voice, the way you were with him on the comms already... did things for him, got him thinking about how he’d like to spend more time with you. But meeting you in-person, seeing how gorgeous you were, it had only cemented his attraction to you.

So, he tries again. And again. But no matter the situation, the topic, the time of day, the weather, you always seem to clam up and disappear, tight-lipped. For someone apparently skilled in communications there has definitely been some kind of break down between you. Maybe you’re just shy, he thinks; hopes, at first. But after a while he comes to the conclusion that you simply don’t want to talk to him unless you’ve been ordered to.

Finally, after months of pining, after becoming desparate to recreate the rapport he has with you over the radio, he just has to know what he’s doing so wrong. Did he piss you off? Is there something about him that you find deeply offensive? He needs to get you talking, and after some consideration, he figures out a way to do just that. At least, he has an idea and he prays it doesn’t make things any worse.

So, to implement his master plan, he approaches you in the canteen one day. He pulls you aside and softly asks if he can borrow you for a minute.

You clear your throat and respond stiffly. “Yes, sir.” 

He smiles thinly when you fail to call him Poe, yet again, but motions for you to follow him anyway. He leads you into a spare bay in the hangar -now cleared out while everyone dines or hangs out in the mess hall- and gestures for you to tak a seat in the chair opposite him. Seeing the nervousness, discomfort in your expression, your tense shoulders, he reassures you that there’s nothing to be concerned about. It’s just a comms exercise. Then, he passes you a little hand-held radio and asks you to close your eyes tight.

“What’s happening?” you say, clutching the device in your fingers, your brows furrowed in confusion as you perch on the edge of your seat, clearly unwilling to relax.

“I’m going to ask you a few questions. And I just want you to close your eyes and talk to me like I’m in the air, ok? Just imagine I’m in my X-Wing, and you’re in the control room.” he sees a soft, subtle smile pass over your lips, sees you visibly unclench, just a little.

Maker, he likes looking at you. It kinda makes his heart flutter. Great, and now he’s getting nervous; he hopes this isn’t another of his utterly dumbass ideas. Only one way to find out, as per usual. Dive in.

“Black Leader to Nav Six. Do you copy?” He calls out, then mimics the “kchhh” sound of the radio.

You hesitate, your lips twitching up at the corners, but you respond. “Nav Six, I copy.”

“Do the noise.” he prompts you, with a gentle whisper. 

You shake your head in confusion, flashing your teeth in a good-natured smile all the same. “Nav Six, I copy. Kchhh.”

“Black Leader to Nav 6. How’s your day going? Kchhh.”

 “It’s getting a little weird, over. Kchhh.”

Poe notices your nose crinkle in amusement. He finds it adorable, and can’t help but smile in response to you. “Ok, Nav Six, I got eyes on the prize.” You must be able to hear the smile in his voice, because you reciprocate with your own broad grin. He always swears you can detect the emotions in his voice better than anyone. Always know what he’s feeling, often better than he does himself. Maybe that’s why your face drops as his tone switches, becoming more serious. Again, you mirror his expression unconsciously. “I gotta ask, Nav 6. Why do you talk to me on the comms but never face-to-face. Over.”

The radio drops from your lips and your face scrunches in mild distress. He swears a flush creeps up your neck, your skin beginning to glow with a soft sheen. He watches as you let out an audible, nervous breath, but determinedly bring the radio back up to your mouth. “Your voice alone is bad enough and then face-to-face? I have to look at you too?!” you blurt out.

“Wow, OK. Kriff. Copy. Loud and clear. Black Leader out. Kchhh.” He sits back in his chair, defeated, face agape. Maker, he hadn’t quite expected you to be that blunt. But at least he had some answers now. Mission complete?

“No, wait! I mean...” you appear to clutch the radio a little more tightly, screw your eyes up a little further. He watches your shoulders rise as you suck in a slow, deep breath. There’s something more. Something worse?

Searching your face, he leans forward again in his chair, his voice soft and gentle. “Talk to me Nav Six. Over.”

After one more long inhale you blurt out: “I have a huge crush on you, Poe!”

Oh. Oh. It’s a classic case of mixed signals.

“What?! You do?!” he smiles in utter delight, a warm feeling spreading through his chest, giving him jitters. Happy beeps. Happy kriffing beeps. 

And now that you’re talking you can’t seem to stop.

Your hands are clasped together nervously, your shoulders practically tucked up next to your ears but you’re talking. “On the comms I can hide how I feel, a little, but in real life you’re so damn handsome and you smell too good and you make me so kriffing nervous that I can’t even speak.”

Now this. This he could work with. He scrapes his chair across the floor to come closer to you, and you bite your lip with apprehension as you hear the sound.

“Tell me more,” he encourages. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

You huff a little. “I was trying to avoid you finding out because it’s embarrassing and... and there’s no way you can like me back.”

He just looks at you, checking you’ve finished your outburst. Unbelievable. You really have no idea how utterly perfect you are, do you? You gulp as he shuffles his chair closer to you once again. He must be close enough for you to smell him now, he estimates, as your nostrils flare slightly, your breath quickens a little.  

“Ok. Let’s review, Nav Six.” He can’t keep the smile off his face at the fact you still have your eyes screwed tight shut. “Some of that was correct- I’m handsome. I smell great. What I wanna know is why is there no way I can like you back?”

“You’re Poe Dameron...”

His eyebrows jump up in surprise and confusion. “What does that even mean?”

You laugh, hopefully realising how silly that sounds out loud. 

Then he simply asks you: “Open your eyes.”

“Nuh-uh.” you shake your head, nibbling nervously on that delicious lip of yours.

“Fine, if you really don’t want to see me when I tell you I do like you back.”

Oh, you open your eyes now. You open them wide.

His eyes crinkle at the corners as he finally gets to gaze into yours. He looks up at you from beneath his pretty lashes, a little more nervous himself now. “In fact, I like you so much that I don’t even mind if you get all spluttery and nervous. If this is any indication? Then, it’s adorable on you anyway, quite frankly.” He reaches out tentatively to take your hands in his, scraping his chair a little closer. “But one thing I do kinda mind” he says, dropping his voice a little into his throat “is not getting to talk to my favourite person and look them in their gorgeous face at the same time.”

You’re grinning. “Are you done? Do the noise.”

“Sorry, Nav Six.” He says, matching your grin. “Kchhh.”

You giggle, and he just looks ardently at you, drinking you in. He traces his thumb affectionately along your jaw line, under your chin, over your bottom lip.  Your breath hitches. 

“See, this is exactly what I mean..” you say, becoming evidently flustered.  “You ... you make me feel really... nervous.”

He leans in until his lips are almost on yours, enjoying the effect he’s having on you already. “Hmm, but I only wanna make you feel good, baby.”

Then he presses his mouth to yours, and suddenly... you’re giving him all the right signals.

[ellohcee]

Call Me

Okay so I want to throw this little bit out into the universe of one of my favorite instances of Jasper I've written. Context: He's a host for a dinky late night radio show and he has like... 10-15 listeners max and David is one of them, a college student who Can’t Sleep even between classes and his job, so he’s up late late listening to Jasper’s show. He calls in sometimes because Jasper is always offering advice and encouraging people to call in and chat, specifically about LGBTQ topics and David finds comfort and encouragement in their chats. They’ve been talking for a while but he still goes by the name Red. 

- - - -

“Alright you night owls, this next one goes out to my long lost buddy, Red.”

David looked up at the radio in surprise, his pencil stilling on the page.

“It’s been a while since we’ve heard from ya and we miss you dude. And I’m gonna get hella gay up in here, but that’s on brand for me, I miss you.”

David’s breath caught in his throat painfully, his heart hammering.

“So I hope you catch this, give us a call, let me know how you’re doing buddy I’m dyin’ here, don’t leave me hanging. Cause I’ve got a question for you and you wont know what until you gimme a ring. Yes I’m gonna be that guy. So call. Please.”

The music picked back up, and true to Jasper’s word, Blondie’s Call Me started playing.

The pencil had slipped from his fingers without realizing as David tried to decipher all of that, especially that last, sincere please. Jasper missed his calls? Maybe he was just worried because David had dropped off so suddenly. It had just been too nerve wracking once he realized he was crushing on the radio host. But what could Jasper possibly want to ask him? Was it good or bad?

He was still nervous and the idea of calling in downright terrified him now, but… he at least owed it to Jasper to let him know he was alive. It must have looked bad, for him to be consistently calling about once a week and then suddenly stop with no warning, going on nearly two months of silence now. Jasper was always so nice and seemingly happy to talk to him, he must be worried. Gosh, now he had to call, he felt terrible.

David had to take several steadying breaths and about twenty good minutes to work up the nerve, but he managed to eventually press call, hands shaking as he listened to the phone ring.

“What’s up caller you’re live, how’s it hangin?”

“Um, hi...” he said quietly.

He heard a soft intake of air and a shuffle. “That you Red?” Jasper asked, sounding hopeful, the excited smile evident in his voice.

“Y-yes, it’s me,” David replied.

“Aw, buddy, good to hear your voice again man, I was gettin’ worried bout you.”

“I’m so sorry I- just- life, you know?” David hedged, feeling even more guilty because he couldn’t give an honest explanation.

“I feel that, it’s cool dude, it’s just good to hear from ya. I assume you heard my call out?”

David’s heart started beating faster, so, so antsy. If it weren’t for the guilt of worrying Jasper he probably wouldn’t have had the guts to call, but he could still be a wreck about it, easily. “Yes, I did. You... had a question?”

“Yeah! You don’t mind me askin’ live?”

“Um, sure, that’s fine,” David said nervously. It couldn’t be too bad if it was something Jasper could ask on air. Right?

“Sweet. So. Last we talked your rough waves from the coming out thing were settling. You found a boyfriend yet?” the radio host asked casually.

David eyebrows shot up in surprise, his face going so very red and he was so very grateful this was a phone call, not in person because that would make it ten times worse. “Um- n-no, I- I haven’t… um, no,” he stammered uselessly. Why was this the topic??

“Awesome!” Jasper said in delight, leading to an awkward pause. “Wow fuck that sounded hella mean I am so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Cheese and crackers, foot in mouth Jasp, good one. Anyway! I just meant because- like, stop me if this is too weird, or hang up on me, but I was wondering if I could like… take ya on a date?”

David’s heart stopped in surprise, the blush that had just started receding coming back full force. His stomach whirled in a mix of dread and excitement, trying to go one way or the other as his brain stalled for a good long moment-

“Red?”

David sucked in a breath. “Is- are you- are you serious?” he asked softly, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“Course dude!! I wouldn’t fuck around with you like that, hell no! I’m for super serious!”

“But… we’ve- you- you don’t even know what I look like,” David stammered, trying to find reason to turn him down, but so, so desperately wanting to say yes. He felt stupid for saying it the second it left his mouth, Jasper didn’t seem at all the type to place a lot of importance on appearances.

“I don’t need to! I’m sure you’re rad as hell, but I’m not a looks guy, okay? I like your personality, and I love shootin the shit with you, and you’re super nice. That’s the kinda stuff I’m into, and if you’re hella cute, which I’m sure you are, that’s a bonus!”

David stared down at his desk for a long moment, his thoughts a mess, one hand over his mouth as he took this all in. He had to take a moment to pinch the soft skin on the inside of his arm to decide that this was really happening and he hadn’t passed out at his desk into some dream where his crush happened to reciprocate-

“Reeeddd?” Jasper teased softly after another long pause, bringing him out of his panic spiral. “No pressure my dude, you can say no.”

“Yes,” David blurted shakily.

“Yeah??” Jasper asked, his voice picking up in obvious excitement and relief, despite his apparent brace for a rejection. “For real?”

“Y-yes, I’d… I’d like to,” David said softly, his face still red.

“Aw man, awesome, shit. Okay uh- no PI on air so uh- I go off air at 3, you’re usually up pretty late, yeah? Think you’ll be around?”

“Yes, I should be.”

“Supes, call back when you hear me sign off and we’ll hash stuff out, okay? Or at least do personal numbers to talk during the day.”

“O-okay,” David stammered, his mind whirling. “I’ll do that.”

“Sweet. Okay man, you sound a little wigged out so I’ll let you get back, and I will be counting the minutes til sign off,” Jasper teased.

“Okay, um, talk to you later? Bye.”

“Ta-ta for now!” Jasper sung.

David disconnected the call, his pulse still racing as he listened to Jasper on the radio once more, turning the volume back up just in time to hear.

“Oh my god, wack, holy shit you guys he said yes- fuck he’s probably listening and I sound like a giant goober- hi Red! Okay, anymore callers before we go back to music? Holy shitballs.”

A quick, incredulous laugh escaped his mouth before David could stifle it, his chest swirling with fear and elation. Jasper- Jasper had asked him on a date- and he sounded just as rattled as David felt. That helped a little to know it wasn’t just him- Jasper had just been loads better keeping a cap on his nerves while they were talking.

“You’re up caller!”

David came back from his thoughts when he heard a familiar voice, one of Jasper’s other regular callers.

“Oooooh Jasper asked a boy on a daaatteee~” she teased in delight.

“I know oh my god dude I’m still weak from it, I didn’t wanna mess up with Red but I like… really want to meet him and take him out, especially once he stopped calling? And no offense Red if you’re still there it’s TOTALLY cool cause that woke my ass up! Holy shit I still can’t believe he said yes.”

David listened all throughout the rest of Jasper’s show, all thoughts of homework lost as he leaned his elbows on the desk, hands clasped in front of his mouth. Anticipation made his nerves spike again while sitting through Jasper’s familiar sign off, where he bid goodnight to his listeners and started the after hours playlist. David waited a minute before taking a deep, deep breath and pressing the call button.

It rang only once before the line picked up, and a hopeful voice answered. “Red?”

“H-hi Jasper,” he replied.

“Hey dude! Hey, sorry to put you on the spot like that but- y’know, I figured it would be less creepy to everyone to just be upfront and ask you, instead of being like ‘hey call me after hours hoohoo wink wink,’ ya dig?”

David stifled a giggle, smiling. “I understand. It probably would’ve made me more nervous to have to wait that long, wondering what your question was,” he admitted.

“That too! I wanted to just… put it out there, figured it’d be best. So! You’re really cool with going on a date?”

“Yes, I… I’d like that. To meet you,” he added softly, flushed.

“Rad, okay, nice. So let’s just exchange numbers for tonight? I know you might not sleep anyway but it’s friggen late and I don’t want to keep either of us up too long.”

“That sounds good, I don’t want to keep you up either,” David replied. He gave his number first when Jasper gave the go-ahead, listening to the other man hum as he typed it into his phone, and a few moments later David heard a buzz near his ear.

“I just shot you a text so you have my number and can add me.”

“Got it,” David replied, pulling the phone away briefly to see a text notification at the top of the screen, a short string of peace sign emojis that made him smile.

“Awesome sauce. Well- shit, I’m really excited but again, we can talk later. Try to get some sleep, okay dude?” he asked, sounding genuinely concerned and losing his usual casual tone. “I worry bout you.”

David smiled, touched by the thought. “I’ll try.”

“Okay, I’ll text you sometime tomorrow- today, whatever, much later. Give you a chance to snooze. Night Red, and thanks for- you know. Thanks. Night!”

“Goodnight Jasper, and thank you too,” he replied softly.

“No prob, catch ya later.”

David pulled the phone away and ended the call, his heart still hammering as he tried to comprehend everything. But he decided to pack it away for later, turning off the radio and closing the long abandoned textbook. Hopefully he could get a few hours of sleep and be a tiny bit more composed when he next spoke with Jasper.

Doubtful, but it was a nice thought.

[yanderecandystore]

The bullies with a lab escapee s/o? They’re just a feral but naive gremlin

Sure! Also sorry but like- My internet is currently sucking so bad, every now and then the wifi just goes down.

TW/Tags: I always wonder why it's lab gremlin such a mood around these parts yet I'm not really complaining // a little bit of a dumb darling boo, sorry // short hc // kinda fluffy I think?

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Experimental [Yandere!Bully OCS x Lab Experiment!Reader - Headcanon]:

→ Adrien Coldwell:

Well, this isn't at all what he expected a lab experiment to look like. He was expecting something more… Weird?

I mean, you look human enough, so what's so special about you?

Except your intriguing quirks, he doesn't seem to understand why would-

"- Hey, Adrien!" You called for him, you were practically falling out of the window you so enthusiastically came out off. The thing is that you're putting most of your body out of the third floor window!

Before who call you stupid and try to warn you, you have started to craw your way down the school's wall to be able to talk with him.

When you get down safely the only thing you can see in his face is shock and fear! And a little bit of relief.

For someone that doesn't show his emotions often, he sure can make a confusing mix of feelings melt into one simple expression.

You were still eager to talk to him, so you ignored the look he was giving you and started to talk about what you needed to tell him.

But-

"- Hummm, I… Forgot what I needed to tell you, but anyway can we walk home together?" You asked shyly, you felt a little embarrassed about instantly forgetting the topic, but then again, maybe it wasn't important at all.

"- You gotta be kidding me… Sure, whatever…" He signed.

Your level of detachment with the reality of a normal student is both impressive and concerning, maybe it makes sense considering your whole background and stuff.

He sometimes wonders what type of experiment you are involved with, it's hard to believe someone around his age would be subjected to never be able to interact socially their entire lives, and then be forced to attend a university as their only way to escape the corporation that had kept them prisoner for so long.

You have even changed your appearance so you could finally live a peaceful, common life.

Then again, why should he care so much? Sure, he is helping you not blow your cover so you can have a decent life, but why should he care if you get hurt or taken away? You're the one that keeps using your odd abilities out in public.

He just- Hopes you're smart enough to take care of yourself. You live secretly inside the institution, yet you insist on following back to his home.

Because you saw many people go home with their friends, and well… It seems like you consider him a friend, despite his moody antics, you're still by his side.

"- Hey, I-I was thinking… If you don't have anywhere to go, wouldn't you prefer to live with me- My family! I mean my family…?"

→ Alexandra Coldwell:

Holy macaroni, you're an actual failed experiment that had free themselves from a shady organization?!?

Then why are you… You know, like this?

She is not talking about your appearance, she is talking about your intelligence, shouldn't you at least know what a coin is?

Yes, it's very shiny, but you shouldn't eat shiny things just because!

Alexandra had made you a promise to keep you safe, to help you learn how to be a normal member of society- So please! Stop with the coin eating!

It's so frustrating keeping this secret from everyone, especially since you don't really help her, but still-

She isn't one to give up so easily. You could say she is just as stubborn as you are, crawling up and down these walls and eating shiny stuff.

I guess she is a moronsexual now.

She sometimes forgets she was the one to have offered help to you, sometimes she regrets opening her mouth.

I guess she didn't consider the various problems that come from trying to hide a living experiment while also giving the freedom you deserve.

Well, at least you're a good listener, she feels like she can open about her worries with you without your judgement.

Probably because she is the only person you spend time with, or maybe because you truly see her as a friend. Sometimes, it bugs her how you don't tell her your feelings, I mean, you just escaped essentially a prison that forced you to be subject to experiments, don't you feel the need to rant over it?

Or are you so over it right now, that you simply don't care? And what about your living conditions?

Leaving inside the institution while hiding yourself from security and cameras must be so… Troublesome.

Alexandra can be a lot of things, but a cold hearted person isn't one of them! (I mean, not most of the time at least-)

"- Hey, I-I was thinking… If you don't have anywhere to go, wouldn't you prefer to live with me- My family! I mean my family…?"

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[milktyama]

— ☕︎ MISTLETOE

synopsis: getting kissed under the mistletoe that was totally setted up

pairing: oikawa tooru x female reader

genre: fluffyyy~~, a lot of backstory?? lol i kinda got carried away oops

wc: 1.6k

❥︎ not proof read! i quickly wrote this and queued it before I went to sleep soooo don’t mind the small errors teehee. 

The bells at the door jingled as it opened while you and Oikawa entered the small cafe. The place was relatively small and it held a simplistic yet warm atmosphere. The neutral toned interior harmonized with the low steady beats of the music that quietly played in the background. The ambiance of this cafe was just like out of a movie; simple yet very eye catching. You made your way to the closest seat your eyes laid on when Oikawa suddenly yanked your arm as you were about to take a seat. You looked at him in question, slightly angered at his sudden move.

“Princess we are not sitting here today. Let’s seat by the window since less people would walk over there.” he said as he pulled you towards his desired sitting area. You complied, not like you have a specific preference like your perfectionist boyfriend. Oikawa Tooru was many things, and most of the time you trusted and went along with whatever he wanted.

Finally taking a seat down, you looked over the menu excitedly. You were known to have a sweet tooth, and it was not a surprise to anyone. It went well along with your personality; bubbly yet cheeky, the exact traits that were able to bring you and Oikawa together. The two have been together for a couple of months, with you confessing to him after the summer break, which to your surprise he accepted. But what you didn’t know was the way he looked at you before that, making this pairing as if it was made in heaven.

“Hey Tooru, they have new varieties of milk bread today! Oh but they also released a special Christmas log cake… but I also have been craving the usual crepe cake... “ you pouted at the vast amount of options. Oikawa could only just chuckle at your cuteness. He looked closely at every small thing you did. How the way you would look stumped when choosing a dessert, or when you would start twirling your pencil between your delicate fingers, making it look like some magic illusion under your fingers, or even the times when you are just so indulged in the music that played through the shared earbuds you two had on. 

He truly loves the little silly things that made you up. Then when the time calls, you would roll your sleeves up as you held the brown clipboard to your chest, leading numbers of students with the power of your booming voice that echoed through the school gym. Everyone always sees the two sides of you, the righteous student council president, and clumsy third year classmate or senior. Oikawa had the luxury of seeing beyond that, and the same went for you. His prideful captain and popular boy from Aoba Johsai persona, you saw beyond that, and that is what truly brought the two of you together. 

And you also watched him closely, taking notice of Oikawa’s habits. Like the way he checked himself out at anything that could possibly even give off the slightest reflection, or how when he laughed wholly, his eyes would appear almost closed as his smile spread wide throughout his face, or even when he over exaggerated his reactions with large arm motions along with a whiny remark. You loved Oikawa Tooru with your whole heart, every inch of you wanting to unconditionally love him for the rest of time.

As you waited for your orders, you looked out the window, staring at the icicles that formed at the edge of the roof and the ground that was covered in fluffy white snow tracing the footprints both of you left when making your way to the cafe. With your gaze still fixed on what is happening outside the window, you call out to your boyfriend.

“Say Tooru, it’s December now,” you finally looked at him to meet his hazel eyes, “it’s almost Christmas. Do you have any plans?”

“hUH- uh n-no I don’t have anything planned, what are you saying Y/n-chan haha…” now it was his turn to look outside the window, but his eyes weren’t focused on anything, more like he was trying to find something to say to recover from his blatantly obvious mess up to such a simple question. You knew Oikawa well, and he was never the best at hiding things even if he wanted to so badly. But you decided to play along, if it concerned you, he would tell you without hesitation anyways.

“Hm okay then babe. Anyways before our actual date starts I wanted to discuss with you about…” you tried to redirect the conversation with school related topics and you could see that Oikawa actually appreciated the gesture. After your orders arrived, you put aside your school demeanor and put your lovey dovey side on. As serious as the two of you can get, you are both still high school teenagers in love.

As the date neared its end, Oikawa excused himself to the bathroom. You took this chance to quickly check over your phone, responding to some emails to teachers and students. There was a big school event coming up in a few weeks and you have yet to choose a topic. Still stumped on what to decide, you noticed that Oikawa was taking an abnormally long time to the bathroom. Was the food today weird? But you felt fine. Maybe he developed an intolerance to milk so now when he just drank his latte his digestive system reacted in way asー

“Hey Y/n-chan sorry I took so long! Let’s go pay the bill shall we?” your thoughts were interrupted by his sudden return. His face slightly flushed and and his nose tinted red as if he just came from outside. Wait, did he go out and come back?? You followed him to the cashier and paid for your food, with him insisting to pay this time. Making your way out, the bells attached to the door jingle once again, but this time Oikawa stops you right in front of the door. He stares deeply into your eyes and you also can’t seem to move your gaze away from his previous gentle eyes to now piercing ones. Standing there in silence, you managed to open your mouth as you questioned yet another one of his gestures.

“Uh Tooru… are you okay…?” your tone was laced with worry. Oikawa Tooru was many things, including slightly weird, but today was a little  more than the norm, even for him. Staying still in the position for a little longer, Oikawa finally changed his awkward grip on you, and his left hand pointed above the two of you, his eyes never leaving your. You tilted your head up a little further up, noticing the vivid green leaves with the bright red berries that laid in the middle of the bundle of them. Connecting the pieces together, something finally clicked in your brain. At this point, you couldn’t contain your laugh anymore. You started to burst out laughing, leaving a confused and shocked Oikawa.

“WH- BABE WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SUPER CUTE-!!” he said as he tried to get you to stop. You just continued to laugh, your stomach starting to hurt from all of the laughing. When you were finally able to calm down your loud laughter into soft giggles, you spoke up.

“Tooru baby, it is cute, but you failed-” well crap you started to laugh again. Oikawa pouted at your reaction, he really tried to do something to surprise you as your first holiday as a couple together. He wanted to make your heart flutter and kiss you. Well there is one way I can stop the laughter… Oikawa thought. He gripped onto your shoulder and leaned onto your figure, slowly connecting your lips together.

At first your eyes were wide open in shock, but soon after they closed, in attempts to enjoy the euphoric feeling that sparked inside of you that came with that kiss. His lips were soft, with a little bit of bitterness that lingered from his latte mixed with the sweetness of the moment and the milk bread he had earlier. The kiss finally broke with a person clearly their throats, appearing to wanting to enter the cafe. Flustered, you hid your face onto Oikawa’s figure and the two of you stepped aside. You looked back onto your boyfriend who now had a cheeky smile plastered on his face.

“Hehe, how was that princess? I did mess up a little but seemed to really enjoy it! You probably didn’t even see it coming!” he chimed. Well yeah, you gotta admit, even though his plan has seemingly failed, you were still swiped off from the floor by this man named Oikawa Tooru. 

“Babe, I did see it coming. You literally came back with a red nose as if you stood outside for a while. Did setting up that mistletoe take you ~that~ long?”

“WH- okay I didn’t realize how high up I needed it to set it up and the sTINKy owner’s son would not let me borrow their stepping stool!” his face crunched into a petty pout. You just can’t stop loving this man ever. You gave a small chuckle at him and leaned in for one more deep kiss as the bells from the door jingled once more, along with the mistletoe that fell right in between your feet.

[erin-bo-berin]

Soulmates

So, I’ve finally returned after a break for the holidays. I immediately had this idea after watching the season 15 premiere (although I’ve seen some other people write about it too so obviously it’s a common subject), I wanted to make the Jeid situation even more complicated in this between Spencer, JJ and the reader. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: Mature (smut)

Word Count: 5,306

How is it that someone that makes you so happy can also make you so incredibly sad? 

The thought floats through your mind as you play with the food on your plate. 

It was Friday. You and your best friend’s weekly Chinese takeout night. Usually, the two of you would pig out on all your favorite Chinese dishes, binge watch something on Netflix and just hang out after a long week. Tonight was different. Although it had been for some time.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

You look up at Spencer. His usual happy face is filled with fatigue and sadness. He hadn’t been his usual self for a while and you knew it, though you tried not to broach the subject—for many reasons.

“Not really. Long day,” you fibbed, pushing the plate to the side.

“I know the feeling,” he sighed, taking a small bite.

You studied him, noticing that he looked even more tired than when you first met up earlier that evening. He looked drained, in fact.

“Tough case?”

You were used to hearing about cases that left wear and tear on your best friend. Being an FBI Agent in a specific unit dedicated to studying, analyzing and dealing with serial killers, it took a toll on Spencer.

“Actually, JJ and I finally talked.”

You felt your stomach drop at the words, the dread of what he was going to say next causing a white noise to block out your hearing as if it could block out his next words. This was the last thing you wanted to hear about, but you wouldn’t dare tell Spencer that. You would do anything for him, even if it meant listening to this again.

It had been a topic of conversation between the two of you for over six months. Well more or less Spencer talking, you listening and attempting to give advice. 

“Oh? What did she say?”

You tried to swallow down the sense of dread as you took another bite of egg roll. For once, you didn’t enjoy the taste of the flaky, deep fried side.

Spencer sighed, running a hand through his hair. It had been hard on him, this last six months. Not only had JJ—his best friend of 15 years—confess that she actually loved him and always did, but then neither one of them knew how to talk about it, so they just kind of stopped talking altogether. Things had been awkward between them and Spencer had no idea how to process the information because JJ has a husband and two kids, who he adores. 

As if things couldn’t get any more complicated, you just happened to be in love with Spencer too. That, though, he doesn’t know.

So basically you’re in love with your best friend who’s in love with his other best friend who loves him but is also married. Couldn’t be more simple, right?

You mentally groan at the thought. Your life has basically become a soap opera.

You have nothing against JJ. She’s pretty and super sweet and always has been welcoming to you the few times you’ve met her. She once joked that besides his mother, you and her were Spencer’s biggest fans. If only she knew.

At the same time, you can’t help but feel jealous because of her being so pretty and sweet. It’s no wonder Spencer has had feelings for her for years and of course you can’t blame her for loving Spencer either. You know how much he loves her kids—aka his godsons—and thinks that her husband Will is great for her. Spencer would always sacrifice his happiness for anyone else, especially for the ones he loves.

Even though it’s at a point where you know it won’t happen, you still feel a deep rooted envy at the fact that they share a bond and a love that you couldn’t even fathom having with Spencer yourself. 

“Oh? What did she say?”

As hard as it is to listen to it, you’re concerned about him. He’s beaten himself up wondering what could’ve been, had he made the right choices. He even asked you if you thought he was living the right life. You couldn’t tell him that though, that’s only something he can answer himself.

“That she would’ve never told me if it hadn’t been for the circumstances.”

You nod, remembering how they’d been taken hostage by an unsub who seemed to have a truth or dare fetish. When asked, JJ opted for truth and the unsub wanted to hear her deepest, darkest secret or else she would die. Unfortunately, that’s what tumbled out and they’d been living with the damage of it since.

“But she never wanted to lie to me. She said she meant it. That...that I was-” he pauses, taking a deep breath as if he needs the extra strength to continue.

“That I was her first love and always will be.”

You flinch a bit at the words. That had to hurt. Oddly enough, you start to feel yourself become resigned towards the situation. 

“Are you okay?”

He nods before continuing.

“Also that she also loves Will and the boys too. Basically it’s like in another universe maybe it could have happened, but it won’t in this one.”

Your heart hurts so badly. Not from your own hurt, but from seeing him suffer. You know he’s hurting and feels lost and you can’t help but feel guilty knowing how much hatred you’ve had towards the entire situation, even if it was only internally.

“Will you guys be alright?”

He nods again.

“She’s my best friend and she’s happy. She deserves to be happy.”

“And what about you? Don’t you deserve to be happy?”

“No.”

Your fork clangs on your plate, surprised as his negativity.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t deserve to be happy, Y/N,” he answers, looking at you dead on, his unhappiness seeping from every inch of him.

“Of course you do. That’s not fair to you.”

“Nor is it to anyone else when I can’t move on from JJ. All I’ve ever wanted was JJ.”

The rest of the night was uncharacteristically quiet after that and you parted ways much earlier than you usually did. 

You had no idea where to go from here. You wanted to help him, be there for him but was it worth it when it constantly left you heartsick and worn? You didn’t have the answer to that.

It was like the situation between him and JJ. Just one of those complicated things.

•

Eight weeks after that one failed Chinese night, everything fell apart. 

Work had been busier than usual for Spencer, often resulting in his cancelling plans with you. 

Your work had been less busy, unfortunately giving you more time to dwell on your internalized feelings, even though you hated yourself for feeling such way. But you couldn’t stop your mind from thinking of all the time Spencer was around JJ. Regardless or not of him acting on his feelings, being around that person so much was only going to cause those feelings to linger.

You grumble to yourself as you force yourself to concentrate on your workload. Thinking these things are only gonna make you more miserable, regardless if you can’t help them.

To make matters worse, you’ve started to avoid Spencer. All you want to do is to see him, but when he’s actually free, you come up with an excuse why you can’t hang out.

As if reading your mind, your phone buzzes next to you on your desk and you glance over to see a text from Spencer.

Coffee after work tonight? I miss you. 

If you were to admit it to yourself, you missed him too. A lot. But you also missed how things used to be, before the complicated situation with JJ and if you were honest, before you realized you were in love with him. Things were so much simpler then.

Can’t. Sorry. Already have plans.

You watch the three gray dots appear on the screen, indicating his typing and watch them for a long moment before they disappear. No new message appeared and you sigh, setting your phone back down and pushing him as far from your mind as you can.

•

You’re on your couch later that night watching some sappy romance movie you found on TV. It’s not helping your mood much. Contrary to what you’d told Spencer, you had no plans. Unless you counted eating mint chocolate chip ice cream in your pajamas and watching tv like a lovesick puppy, plans.

“Don’t do it chica, you’re only gonna get friend zoned,” you mumble to the tv, taking a bite of ice cream.

A loud knock comes from your front door, startling you. You’d been awaiting an Amazon package all evening and figured it was finally the delivery man.

Setting the ice cream carton on the coffee table, you pad towards the door and open it to find out it’s not the delivery man. It’s Spencer.

He smiles at you before pulling you into a hug, his face nuzzling into your neck, a trait he always does when he hugs someone. Something you absolutely love. You feel your heart tug painfully as he hugs you tight as if he hasn’t seen you in forever. Technically, he hasn’t.

“Hey, I’ve missed your face, he says, pulling away.

“Sorry to just bust in like this. But I had to drop something off for Emily and I thought I’d stop by while I was out. Didn’t you say you had plans?”

His eyes sweep over the living room in front of him, landing on the carton of ice cream then flicking to the television.

“I- uh yeah I kinda did,” you stammer, unable to come up with a good enough excuse.

He rolls his eyes at you, motioning to the scene in front of the two of you, “Are you on your period? You could’ve just told me and I’d picked up ice cream and come to hang out with you anyway.”

You groan, turning to walk into your apartment, Spencer at your heels.

“I can’t believe you’d think to ask if it’s that. But no, I’m not.”

What? It’s a normal thing all women go through,” he shrugged, unfazed about the topic at all.

“I know you didn’t come by just to talk about my menstrual cycle Spencer.”

“No,” he said, more serious now. 

He takes a seat on your couch and you stand in front of him, trying to keep your distance. You’d really like to save yourself some heartache tonight.

“I came because I’ve missed you. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to hang out like we usually have. Work has been crazy, then there was JJ’s surprise birthday party last weekend.”

JJ, of course, you thought bitterly.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to come but you said you were busy all weekend…”

Another lie. You just didn’t want to be around the two of them honestly. It was petty, you knew it, but it hurt to see them together. Especially with all that you knew. 

“Sorry about that. I hope she had a good time?”

“She did,” he grinned, launching into telling her about the party, but you only half listened.

What would he do if you ever confessed your feelings for him? Would he be freaked out? Would it scare him away? Most importantly, would it just make his life more difficult?

Yes, probably.

Which is why you couldn’t ever tell him. 

It was at this point that you realized he’d stopped speaking and you were still staring at him with your arms crossed. A highly defensive position. Something he would obviously catch on to. You watch as he takes notice of your body language and it’s like you see the moment he realizes something’s wrong. He knows you just about as well as you know yourself, in fact.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern flooding his features.

“Nothing.” 

You drop your arms, trying to appear less defensive, but you’re still tense.

“I’m not stupid, Y/N,” Spencer retorts, watching as you walk over and turn off the tv, “I know something’s wrong. Have you been avoiding me?”

“No.”

You don’t look at him when you answer.

“Then look at me.”

You do as you’re told and you’re sure your guilt is written all over your face.

“Have I done something wrong?”

The hurt expression etched on his face causes a fresh wave of pain to wash over you. The last thing you want is to ever hurt him, he doesn’t deserve it.

“No, you haven’t done anything Spencer.”

“You’re not upset about the whole JJ situation are you?” 

Your breath catches, as if frozen in your lungs. If only he realized just how on the mark that was.

“I know it’s been a mess with that entire thing, but it doesn’t change things for us. You’re still my best friend, you know that.”

Best. Friend.

You choke down the lump that has suddenly formed in your throat, the answers to all the questions that have been occupying your mind suddenly confirmed. He was never going to love you more than a friend and that was that.

“I talked to JJ about it too. She knows I’ve been confiding in you about it all and she feels bad about it affecting our friendship too.”

You laugh bitterly.

“It’s a little late for that.”

Confusion is all over his face now, mingled with the hurt.

“She said she’d like to get together with you sometime, maybe to make it up to you or maybe we can all hang out and—”

“Spencer, I’m tired. I think I just want to go to bed okay?”

You walk toward the door and you hear him stand from the couch.

“No. Not until you tell me what’s bothering you, Y/N.”

The tears are threatening to come. If you’re not careful they’re going to spill any second. All of a sudden you’re so weary, so drained. You’re just so very tired of carrying this.

“If you have to ask…” you whisper, your lips trembling. 

You do not want to cry in front of him. You refuse to. Then he’ll really know something’s wrong.

“I just want to know what’s wro—”

“Can you please just leave? I just want to be alone.”

He knows you well enough to know when to not bother arguing with you.

You catch a glimpse of each other as he walks past you to the door. He looks crestfallen, but his eyes search your face. Your expression is hard, closed to any emotion as to not betray your true feelings.

When the door closes behind him, you sink against the door to the floor, the tears finally coming. You sob so hard your body shakes violently. The hurt is such a deep sinkhole within you that you have no idea how you’re ever going to climb out of it.

•

He doesn’t know how it happens, but after driving around for nearly an hour, he ends up at JJ’s house.

Spencer gets out of the car, walking up the sidewalk to her front door. He hopes it’s not too late to be dropping in, but there’s no one else he knows to turn to about this.

He replayed the scene over and over in his mind, trying to figure out what was wrong, what had happened. Life had been so confusing lately and it seemed like when he had everything figured out it would just throw him another curveball. 

While things were rough and awkward with JJ for months, things were good and albeit normal with Y/N. Now that things were better—maybe a bit different—but still better with JJ, his friendship with Y/N had gone to hell. 

His IQ may be 187, but women were always confusing no matter if you were technically a genius or not.

JJ was the one who would know what to do. She’d helped him through so much shit before, he knew she could again.

The doorbell only rang once when the door opened to reveal Will.

“Hey man,” he grinned.

“You must’ve heard we had my award winning spaghetti for dinner tonight and came by for leftovers didn’t ya?” Will joked.

Spencer chuckled. He really did like Will; regardless of what had happened between himself and JJ, he knew Will was good for her and treated her right.

“Unfortunately not tonight. I was wondering if I could talk to JJ if she’s not busy?”

“Sure,” Will stepped aside, inviting him in, “Case you’re working on?”

“Something like that,” Spencer answered vaguely.

Before Will could answer, there was a shout that came from the other room.

“Uncle Spencerrrr!” 

A tiny body came flying at him and he picked up Michael in his arms, spinning him around and hugging him at the same time.

“Hey Michael, how are you?”

“Good,” he grinned. 

“Hi Uncle Spencer,” came another voice and Spencer looked up to see his other godson, the older Henry who was now too old to be picked up and spun around like he once did.

“Hey Henry.” He gave him a high five as Henry passed to the stairs.

“Michael, bedtime,” JJ scolded as she walked in the room not far behind her oldest son.

“Hey Spence,” she greeted, smiling at him.

“Just let me get these boys into bed and I’ll be right down.”

“You go ahead, I’ll tuck in the boys,” Will offered, taking Michael from Spencer’s arms.

“Come on little man. Bedtime. Tell uncle Spencer goodnight.”

“Night uncle Spencer!” the two chorused.

“Night guys,” Spencer smiled, watching Will disappear out of sight before turning to JJ.

“What’s up? I heard you tell Will it’s case related?”

“Not exactly,” he sighed, “I just didn’t want to get into my sob story.”

JJ took in his tired and worried expression with worry of her own.

“Come on into the kitchen and I’ll make us some tea and we can talk, okay?”

He nodded and followed her into the kitchen, taking a seat at the island as she filled the tea kettle with water and put it on the stove to heat.

“Now. Spill, Spence. I know you well enough to know when something is eating at you.”

“You’d think it’d be enough to know a person to be able to tell what’s wrong with them,” he muttered.

JJ’s look of confusion makes him shake his head and start at the beginning.

-

“So she’s been avoiding you until you went over there today?” 

Tea is poured into two cups and she sits in the chair next to him, listening to him continue his story.

“She said she had plans, but I thought I’d drop in and see if I could catch her. If not, I was going to leave a note under her door. We used to do that all the time,” he smiles ruefully.

“And she didn’t have any plans?”

“Didn’t seem like it. She was on the couch in pjs, watching TV and eating a carton of ice cream. I mean I thought she was on her period and—”

“Okay stop right there,” JJ set her cup down, holding up a hand.

“Never and I repeat never assume a girl is upset just because of her period.”

His browns wrinkled in confusion, “Why?”

“Just trust me Spence, it’ll save you a whole lot of time. Okay, continue.”

“Well, um, she said she wasn’t anyway. But then she just seemed...I don’t know, upset. I don’t know why. I don’t know if I did something. I was telling her that you felt bad about potentially affecting our friendship and I told her that she was always going to be my best friend and she threw me out.”

“Oh no,” JJ whispered.

“No, no it’s not your fault!” he rushed to explain.

“You idiot,” she groaned, hitting his shoulder.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“You told her that she’d always be your best friend?!”

“Well...yeah, I mean it’s true. We’ve been friends forever like you and me.”

“That’s not all you and her have in common with you and me,” JJ stated.

“What do you mean?”

She sighed, running a finger around the lip of the mug.

“You know how when I confessed that I loved you?”

Spencer nods, still a little uncomfortable with the entire topic.

“I did mean it. I do love you. But there’s so many types of love, Spence. I may have been in love with you at one point and I’ll always have a love for you. But I’m not in love with you like I am with Will, but I do love you.”

“I’m not following. What does that have to do with me and Y/N?”

“She doesn’t just love you, Spence.”

She watches as realization slowly spreads across his face.

“She’s in love with you.”

“But how can you tell that when I never figured that out? You’ve only met her a few times anyway.”

“Spencer if you’d see the way she looks at you, you’d know.”

“Oh,” he breathed, running a hand over his face, “Oh wow.”

“What? Don’t tell me you don’t feel the same,” she grimaced, “Because that might be a worse effect on your relationship with her than in our situation.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just- it kinda dawned on me when I was on the way to her place from work that all of this time I had hoped for a life with you when actually I don’t, really.”

Her brows rose, interested, motioning for him to go on.

“I mean, I love my life as it is now and how things are with you now. You’re happy and that makes me happy and I’d rather have a life with you as my best friend than have a life without you in it at all.”

JJ smiled, putting a hand on his cheek before pulling him into a hug.

“She makes you happy Spence. Catch her before she gets away.”

•

You haven’t seen or spoken to Spencer for over a week since your meltdown. You realized just how shitty you felt for treating him so horribly. It wasn’t his fault that you fell for him, so you shouldn’t have taken it out on him. 

You attempt several times to reach out to him to apologize, but stop yourself every time. What if he’s better off without you in his life?

Your week goes by in a blur as you live on autopilot, going to work, running errands and just living like a zombie. Your mind is filled with nothing but Spencer. All the memories you have with him float around in your brain like a collage, revealing themselves one by one.

One in particular will always stand out: the night that you realized you were in love with him.

It wasn’t unusual for you and Spencer to meet up for dinner after work. This evening in particular was a dreary one. It looked like it would pour at any moment.

You ordered a cheeseburger and fries while Spencer got a steak and veggies although that didn’t stop him from eating half of your fries.

“Hey!” You smacked his hand for the hundredth time after he snagged another fry.

“If you wanted fries that badly you should’ve just gotten them yourself,” you grumbled, only half mad.

“But for some reason they just always taste better off your plate,” he laughed, grabbing a couple more.

You grumble a response not loud enough to hear, but that just makes him laugh even more.

“You love me.”

“You’re lucky I do,” you smirk, swiping your finger through your puddle of ketchup and placing a blob on his nose when he reached for more fries.

“Did you just-” he wipes some off his nose, staring at you incredulously.

“Yes, yes I did.”

He grins and wipes it off with a napkin. He doesn’t take any more fries after that.

He drives you home since you took the subway from work. Of course with your luck it decides to pour right before you get home. You could dash to the front door of your building as fast as you can and still get soaked.

“Stay here for a second okay?” Spencer instructs.

You look at him quizzically as he gets out and runs across to your side, opening your door.

“I can get you to the door faster. Here.”

He helps you unbuckle your seatbelt and he picks you up, running with you in his arms and you shriek with laughter at the unexpected gesture.

True to his word, he got you there quickly and when you’re safely under the shelter of the roof of the front of your apartment building, he sets you down.

His hair is wet and dripping, falling into his eyes and drops of water fall off his face to his wet shirt and tie. You weren’t spared much either as your hair and clothes are just as soaked, but it could’ve been worse.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you chuckled.

“Hey, think of it as payback for the fries.”

You smile and are about to invite him up to dry off when he hands over a small styrofoam to go box. You hadn’t even realized he was holding it before he picked you up.

“What’s this?”

“Dessert. Your favorite. I figured you deserved it after I ate your fries.”

You grin, surprised and open the container briefly to peak at the chocolate cake that is your favorite from the restaurant.

“Thank you, Spencer.”

It was at that moment when you looked up at him and saw the twinkle in his eyes, the big smile on his face, water droplets running down his skin and in dripping wet clothes you realized that he was the most beautiful man, in more ways than one. 

A noise from what sounds like the hallway brings you out of your reverie. Walking toward the door from the kitchen you catch a glimpse of white.

Looking down, you notice it’s a folded piece of paper. You pick it up and open it to read it and your breath catches in your throat as you read the words in the all too familiar writing.

I love you, too.

You open the door, intent on finding the sender to find him standing in the hallway.

“Spencer,” you breathe.

“H-How? How did you know?” you asked.

“JJ helped me figure it out.”

You exhale, overwhelmed with what’s happening.

“I mean it when I say she never meant to come between us or to hurt our relationship.”

“No, I know,” you nod, your mind moving so fast you’re not entirely sure you’re processing everything.

“I never hated her or anything. I mean I couldn’t exactly blame her for, you know, loving you.” 

Somehow during the conversation he’s ended up in your apartment and you’d closed the door, although you’re not entirely sure when that happened.

“I was scared to open myself up to someone else,” he admits, “I didn’t know it consciously before the confession though. But I do now.”

You nod, looking up at him, startling the slightest when your back hits the wall. He’s got you quite literally backed into a corner.

“You want to know what’s funny though?”

“What?” you whisper.

Your breath is heavy, your chest heaving. The desire to kiss him is so strong, your desire to have him is even stronger. You’re hanging onto his every word and he knows it.

“That night when I dropped by, I was going to tell you that I realized I didn’t want a life with JJ.”

“You don’t?” 

You watch him, his tongue moving over his lips before he answers. You might’ve gone a little weak in the knees at the action.

“I like this life better.”

Then it’s happening. His head bends down towards yours and yours reaches up to meet his, your lips meeting. It’s a feeling beyond anything you could ever imagine. His lips are soft and gentle against your own and his hands caress your face before gliding down to rest on your neck. You decided if this was the way to die, kissing him until you had no breath left was a wonderful way to go.

“I’m,” he kisses you again.

“So,” followed by another kiss.

“Sorry,” he breathes, connecting your lips again.

“For what?” 

You’d pretty much forgive him for about anything right now as your brain has completely fizzled out the moment his lips connected with your neck. 

“Everything. For hurting you. I never intended to.”

He pulls back from you completely, his hands at the edge of your shirt, eyes seeking permission.

“It’s okay,” you answer both things at once.

Your eyes flicker to the piece of clothing as it hits the floor. You feel him lift you, his hands under the back of your thighs and your eyes meet his. Suddenly you feel timid in his presence, something you’ve never felt.

“I got you,” he whispered then pressed his lips against yours.

You’re not exactly sure how much time passed spent kissing, hands roaming, trying to memorize one another. Clothes melt away, kisses spread over bare skin.

When he’s finally inside you, your mind completely blanks of everything but him and this moment. You catch his lips again but you can’t stop the whimpers that come from you as he moves within you. 

Your fingers tighten in his hair as you kiss him harder, all your previous frustration, sadness and love poured into the one kiss. His hands grip your hips, his gentle movements becoming harsher.

With his lips pressed against your throat, he says, “I want to hear you say it.”

You half hum and half moan your questioning hmm.

“That you love me.”

His eyes lock on yours and he watches you, knowing you’re coming apart at his doing. 

“Oh God, Spencer,” your legs inadvertently tighten around his waist as you moan, “I love you.”

His low groan of approval is like music to your ears and sends tingles down your spine. That and his erratic thrusts about send you spiraling right then.

“Y/N,” he whispers, your name falling from his lips repeatedly as he loses himself in the wonderful feeling.

Your chest is heaving again and your body is tense, ready to succumb completely to him.

Fire explodes through your veins at a lightning speed and you moan loudly, most likely embarrassingly loudly but you couldn’t care. It’s Spencer, and like it’s always been, you couldn’t be bothered to be embarrassed about anything around him. 

Ecstasy takes its turn with him and you watch through lidded eyes at the complete look of abandon cross his face. With his eyes shut and lips parted there’s something so vulnerable about him as he completely loses himself in you.

“Spencer,” you whisper when you both have parted and caught your breath.

You’re watching him, a shy smile on your face as if you’ve dreamed this entire scenario.

“Hmm?” 

He’s set you down on the floor again and you have to rely on the wall to hold yourself up because your legs are nearly jello at this point.

He’s in the middle of grabbing up the clothes for you when he reaches out to steady you.

“Whoa there,” he chuckles, catching you before you can fall and most likely melt into a puddle.

“I love you,” you say again.

Now that you’ve actually said it out loud, you don’t want to stop saying it. With one arm still around your waist to steady you, his other hand brushes your cheek before pulling your face towards his for another kiss. His breath tickles your face when he speaks once again.

“I love you.”

[keichan]

Running Through the Night Tsukishima x fem!reader Part 3: His Confession

You and Tsukishima have been friends for as long as you two could remember. With a very unexpected confession, how will this affect you two?

Authors note: I hope this chapter hurts <3 Thank you guys for supporting my work! Ily! Please leave some feedback if you like how everything is going so far!

Word count: 2143

Genre: college au, unrequited love, angst, best friends to lovers, fluff somewhere in there, mutual pining

Warnings: manga time skip!!! swearing!

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masterlist・previous・next

You and Yamaguchi centered around your laptop watching the Sendai Frogs’ highlights from the game that happened a few hours previously. The Sendai Frogs obliterated the team that they were up against. Kei wasn’t kidding when he said that they’d take the game in straight sets.

“Wow! Tsukki was on fire tonight!” Yamaguchi leans closer to the laptop to see a clip of Tsukishima stuffing the opposing team’s ace. The highlight reel comes to an end with the teams logo appearing and the screen turning black. 

“That was a really good game! I’m so proud of him!” you smile as you close your laptop. “Is it just me, or was he playing differently than normal?” you glance up at him. “Much more... Aggressive?” 

Yamaguchi let himself sink even further into his seat, “Maybe something gave him even more motivation for blocking. Like in high school when we went up against Ushiwaka-san? With all the extra practices he has been going to,” he suggests. But every word is covered in uncertainty. A frown settles on your face. You know it’s not it. Nothing adds up. He’s been acting far off and hard to reach lately. There’s something else. 

Kei wasn’t necessarily someone who is easy to confront. No matter what he will come off as cold and mocking if you try to intervene in personal feelings. You know all too well with what happened after Kei found out about Akiteru’s secret back all those years ago. The best you can do to support him and be happy. After all it’s seemed to work for all of these years.

“Yama, do you know what’s been wrong with him? He always leaves my house without saying a word. Each time he leaves, it’s like he’s there, but he’s out of my grasp. It’s hard to reach him outside of movie nights. I just don’t get it, we’ve been friends for over 15 years, but it’s just, I don’t know? Fading?” the words pour out. You place your face in your hands, not even bothering to look at Yamaguchi. 

“I think-“

He was cut off by the sound of your phone ringing. 

Matsukawa Issei flashed on your screen. 

“Who is it?”

“Matsukawa-san from Seijoh.”

Yamaguchi shot you a confused expression. You haven’t heard from him in a few months, and it was already dipping late into the evening. You wondered what it could possibly be. 

“Hello?”

“Yo! Y/N! Are you busy right now?” He was yelling over the sound of music. He must’ve been out at a bar. After all it was a Saturday night. 

“I’m with Yamaguchi right now. Why what’s up?”

“Errm… Well uh-“ Matsukawa got cut off to a thud in the background. “Goddammit you guys just hold him up!” he yelled. “So uh… basically Hanamaki and I happened to be at the same club as Tsukishima and his teammates. I think they were celebrating their win tonight. But umm, he’s kinda fucked up. Like really fucked up. We’re trying to give him water and sober him up. We’re sober enough, just not good enough to drive. Would you and Yamaguchi come up here and pick him up? You were the first person I could think of.”

“Yeah. Send me the address and I’ll be there.” Yamaguchi already has his car keys in his hand, standing at the door.

“Where are we going?” 

You tilted the phone away from your ear, barely managing a smile. “We’re picking up Kei from the bar. He celebrated a little too hard.”

The silence in the car was stifling. You and Yamaguchi knew that it was out of character for Kei to get fucked up to the point that someone has to go and get him. The three of you (and other Karasuno alumni) have gone out to casually drink, but everyone knows their limit unless it was the intention to get to that point. Which was just an extreme rarity to begin with.

The tension was getting to you, so you decided to bring up a different topic. “I’m glad that our plans are really coming along nicely, aren’t you?” Yamaguchi looks over his shoulder at you and grins. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

The bar wasn’t too crowded when you arrived. You and Yamaguchi walk across the dance floor, automatically feeling out of place, dressed in sweats and sneakers. Tsukishima was slumped over a small round table with an arm completely draping off. Matsukawa, Hanamaki, and the captain of Kei’s team sat around him, sipping on their drinks, enjoying each other’s company as if the unconscious man wasn’t at their table.

“Matsukawa! Hanamaki! Nakamura!” You wave at them. They all stand up to give you a hug and say their hellos to Yamaguchi. The five of you glanced over at Tsukishima to the sound of him groaning. He attempted to lift his head just for it to plop back down onto the table. 

“So how did this happen?” Yamaguchi shouted over the music. He rubbed his head nervously before Nakamura placed an arm around his shoulder, “Well Tsukishima was acting pretty strange during warmups and throughout the game. We didn’t really think of anything of it though. He usually goes to all outings with the team regardless. But when he got here, he took every opportunity to down drinks.” Nakamura nodded his head at Tsukishima, “He got to the point where he couldn’t really stand so me and red hair right here managed to get him to where he is now. And Matsugawa-“ “It’s Matsukawa” “Matsukawa, called you, Y/N, and now we’re here!” He stuck his chin up looking satisfied with his answer. 

He reached over and placed a hand on your shoulder, “Plus it’s always nice seeing you! You haven’t come by to watch us practice in a while.” You glanced down at the wooden floor, “Sorry, I’ve just been really overwhelmed with school and work, it’s been hard to make time like I used to.”

He shook both of his hands, “No no! It’s not a big deal! Don’t feel bad!” Before you could say another world Yamaguchi speaks up, “Let go ahead and get Tsukki in the car.”

You and Yamaguchi were able to wake him up and get him to stand up on his feet. Using you two as his support, Tsukishima slowly walked across the dance floor, tripping over himself every few steps. Mumbling incoherencies about him being able to walk, that it’s ridiculous that you two showed up when he’s fine and sober. His face scrunched up

You managed to lower him into the backseat of Yamaguchi’s car, which was harder than you think, but after all, he is 6’5. You buckled in his seat belt and began to pull away when he lazily grabbed your arm.

“Thanks, Y/N” he quietly mumbled before his hand slid off and slumped his head against the headrest.

The three of you successfully managed to get to his apartment upstairs and into his bedroom without Tsukishima falling on the floor. 

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, I have to go. I have to be at work really early tomorrow. Do you think that you can handle him?” Yamaguchi sets down a glass of water on Kei’s bedside table with a bottle of aspirin. You nod towards the door, “Go ahead. I can handle Kei. We both know that he’s just a big toddler when he’s like this anyways.”

Yamaguchi laughed in agreement. “See ya! Goodnight, Y/N!”

You heard the front door to the apartment close just to have Kei try to sit up in his bed. 

“Ah Kei! You’re awake! Here drink some water and take this!” you pass him the glass and the medicine he slowly takes it. He almost misses the nightstand when putting the water back on it. He slowly looks at you, “Sowwy,” the simple phrase comes out slurred. “I’m jus kinof drunk,” he lets out a soft chuckle before placing his hands behind him on the comforter to support his weight. You look at him expecting to see the usual smirk, but instead it’s a  playful smile.

“S’okay.” You walk over to his closet to grab him a change of clothes. Knowing him, he’d be pissed if he woke up in jeans the following morning. You place everything folded nicely beside him. “Kei, I’m gonna go use the bathroom real quick, go ahead and change okay,” the blonde nods as you exit the room.

After a few minutes you come in to see him pulling his shirt down over his head. You pick up the rest of his clothes piled at the side of his bed and place them in the laundry basket on the opposite side of his room.

“Hey, Y/N,” you turned around to see him towering over you. His usually stern features are completely softened. There’s a twinge of sadness in his eyes. You furrow your eyebrows in concern.

“Are you o-”

“Why is it that I try so hard for you…” he talks slowly in an attempt to articulate every word, but his words still come out slurred. “And you just don’t notice me.” His voice faltered.

“What are you talking about, Kei? We’ve been best friends for as long as we both can remember. We’re always together, even despite school and your volleyball career. Of course I notice you.”

He shakes his head and grabs your wrist and looks directly into your eyes. “That’s not what I mean.”

“Then what do you m-”

“I love you, Y/N” 

There was a brief silence before you let out a short laugh causing his grip to tighten the slightest bit.

“I love you too, Kei?  What are you going about?” 

His eyes began to water. “Y/N, I have loved you for as long as I can remember. There isn’t a second that goes by that you’re not on my mind. Every time I see you, my heart grows warm. I want you to always be happy. No… I want to be the reason that you can be happy everyday. Trust me, I know that I’m cocky, I know I’m a smartass, but I’d do anything for you. I’ll be better than him for you-”

“Kei, please slow down I-”

“I’ve been wanting to tell you this for so long I just never had the courage. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met in my entire life. You’re so kind and compassionate, I don’t get how you manage to put up with me sometimes. I am so grateful to have you in my life. I just want to be there for all of your highs and comfort you in all of your lows. After we both graduate from college when we land our dream jobs we can move in together and go adopt a dog  like you’ve always wanted. I just want to live out my life with you. Y/N, you make every moment of my life so fulfilling. I cherish you with all of my heart.” 

You stood there in awe with your mouth slightly agape trying to comprehend everything that just happened. You didn’t even realize you had tears slowly lining your cheeks until one dropped onto your arm. 

“I-I don’t know what to say…” your voice faltered out.

Kei gently rests his hand on your cheek, wiping the tears away as they flow.

“I’m so in love with you L/N F/N” He looks at you dreamily. Never in your life have you seen Tsukishima Kei like this.

Before you could even think to react, Kei quickly leans down and places his lips softly on yours. He pressed a longing kiss on your lips filled with pent up emotions from years and years of longing. 

But, you didn’t close your eyes. You didn’t kiss him back. You stood there like a statue. You placed both of your hands carefully on his chest and shifted him away from you slowly.

“Kei, let’s just go to sleep okay,” your voice wavered as you walked him over to the bed, trying your best not to lose your composure in front of him. He just nodded in agreeance Every single thought in your head was screaming for you to leave. You couldn’t wrap your mind around what had just happened. You grabbed his glasses from his face and set them on the nightstand.

“We’ll talk about everything tomorrow okay? I’m going to take the couch tonight. Goodnight, Kei.” Without letting him say a word you turned off the lights and swiftly left the room. 

You sat in Tsukishima’s living room staring at the beige wall with tears silently falling down your cheeks. You didn't know what to do. You didn’t fall asleep until the sun came up.

When Tsukishima woke up the following morning he felt absolutely destroyed.

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[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol.16

Fruits Basket has so many flashbacks. There's just so much going on, in the present but also in the past. Last book, it was focused on Yuki, and a section of his childhood. In this book, however, the focus is on Kyo, who apparently met and kinda talked with Tohru's mom, Kyoko. (let's hope I don't confuse their names 😬)

So, most of this started simply because Kyo took a nap on the floor. This is why you don't nap on the floor. Sure, maybe it feels nice, sometimes, to lie on the floor, but if you're anything like me, you'll get stuck. Kyo didn't, but he doesn't have a busted hip, so he has that going for him.

Anyway.

So he was thinking back to when he met Tohru's mom, who started talking about her past. It's never really said why or when this happened, but I'll just think that Kyo forgot about the particulars. It seems like it happened when he was pretty young, so it'd make sense.

It seems like Kyoko's life was kinda similar to Uotami's life, in that her relationship with her parents was abysmal, and she often acted out. She got herself into a "bad crowd", and rarely went to school. Her dad was said to not think about his family, and her mom only did things to keep up with appearances. They never went out as a family, and Kyoko felt ignored and/or unwanted. It was a chance happening that Kyoko even ended up meeting Katsuya (who would later become Tohru's dad). She was at school, and she got called aside and put in a separate room, which is when they first met. She was yelling up a storm, and Katsuya wanted to know what she was so angry about.

This particular incident was shortly after her dad had basically told her that she should be more grateful for what she's gotten in life, to which she responded with "Who even asked me if I wanted to be born?", and this was clearly still floating around in her mind. As she continued yelling at Katsuya, it became apparent that what she was yelling at Katsuya was what she felt herself, which is why is made sense that she quickly broke down into tears. This was especially the case after he said that he thinks she does want people to care about her, and she does care about what people are saying (otherwise, she probably wouldn't be bothered by it). After all of this, Katsuya took her to a ramen place, just completely cutting class.

Kyoko was confused by Katsuya, but after meeting him, she started trying to better her life. It was mostly small things, like showing up at school. She didn't go to any of her classes, but she was at school (which sounds extremely boring to me, but whatever). She was able to talk to Katsuya a little bit more, but not a lot, seeing as he was a student teacher, he had things to do. When the time came for Katsuya's training to end, he revealed that he wasn't going to continue on to be a teacher, that he just didn't like it. This, understandably, bummed out Kyoko, because she was looking forward to seeing him everyday. Once he left, she would probably never see him again. Fortunately for the story (and Tohru's general existence), it wasn't. He ended up getting a job at a pharmaceutical place, and visited Kyoko on the weekends to help her with her schoolwork, and Kyoko tried to get back into school. The gang that she was a part of didn't like that much, and beat her up a bunch for trying to leave it. They beat her up so bad she had to go to a hospital, and wasn't able to get into high school. Her parents refused to visit her in the hospital, and after she was unable to get into high school, they completely disowned her.

Thankfully, Katsuya was nearby (presumably because he wanted to see if she was okay, because after she woke up in the hospital and learned it was too late to take the entrance exams, she didn't try to talk to him, thinking that his help and efforts were all for nothing), and overheard Kyoko's parents, and that's when he announced his intentions to marry Kyoko, which took both her and her parents by surprise. As they were walking away from Kyoko's parent's house, Kyoko still couldn't believe that Katsuya was serious, but he totally was. He said that he saw her as a very genuine person, particularly in their first meeting (which is, he said, when he fell in love with her, which I think is kiiinnddaa weird, but okay), and that he has full intention on marrying her. He wished that he could've made it a bit more of a happy surprise, but in the moment, it was basically the only way that he could guarantee that nothing bad would happen to Kyoko.

Kyoko bristled at the idea of a wedding, and apparently, so did most of the Hondas. There's probably a host of reasons, ranging from how Kyoko was eight years younger than him, to the fact that she used to be in a gang, but there was one person who was supportive of Kyoko and Katsuya: Katsuya's dad.

When Kyoko found out she was pregnant, she freaked out. She didn't feel like she could be a good mother, because of the way she was. How could a person with her background be a good mother? The way that her parents treated her as a kid was awful, and she was terrified that she would end up doing the same to her child. Katsuya pointed out that since she was already so aware of these problems, that she would do her most to avoid doing the same to her own child. They might make mistakes, but they would try their hardest to do their best. And so, Tohru was born. What a cute little round organism.

For a couple years, everything was happy. Katsuya and Kyoko both loved Tohru to pieces, it was great. Then, Katsuya fell sick, and ended up dying. This destroyed Kyoko, because there was such an emphasis on togetherness between the two, especially when it came to raising Tohru. She was completely desolate, almost angry at the world that it continued existing as if nothing had happened. She came out of mourning, a little bit anyway, after going out to see the ocean, and overhearing a mom and daughter talking to each other, and she realized that she couldn't remember if she had even talked to Tohru since Katsuya's death. She raced home, and saw Tohru sitting at the entrance, mostly asleep, and say "Welcome home". It was something that Kyoko and Katsuya used to say a lot, so it meant a lot to Kyoko.

The flashback concluded with Kyoko saying that, "Maybe the world doesn't need me. But there's still one person who's kind enough to need me. I only need that to live." Kyo then asked her if she still missed Katsuya, but Kyoko(why are their names so similar ;-;) didn't really respond. I mean, of course she still missed him, she probably missed him everyday, but she still had to get through life and raise Tohru. It was all about how she went on from that, that mattered.

Then we get reminded that this is, in fact, a dream that Kyo is having, because it swerves completely of track, and now there are bloody women on the ground, with other faceless women saying weird shit. I do not have really any idea who these women are, I assume one of them is Kyo's mom, and maybe the other is Kyoko? I don't really know, but the dream (at this point it's a nightmare) ends with Tohru, wounded and unconscious, in the place of the first woman, and there's blood of Kyo's hands. Whoa! What the fuck!

After he wakes up, he's pretty shaken (with good reason, like wtf, whoa) but after Tohru fretted over him, he just waved off the concern like "It's fine I'm fine I totally didn't have a freaky dream it's fine", which is the number one reaction to something like that, in case you were wondering.

Now, let's move completely onto a new topic: Machi. It starts with a callback to a brief scene a few books ago, after the Student Council had nabbed a whiteboard, and were yelling about what colors everyone was. It focused mostly on Yuki asking Machi what color she likes, and she couldn't answer him, because she couldn't imagine herself as anything other than "blank".

The Council had finished up a bunch of work, and they (mostly Kimi) were thinking of a way to celebrate, by going out to a shop or something idk what people do with their free time, and on her way out, Yuki called out to Machi, asking if she was going to come as well. She didn't really say anything about it, but Kimi gave her a slip of paper of the address and such, and they all went their separate ways.

Machi went back home, to the sound of a phone ringing. It seems to be her mom, asking what she's been doing, if anything's changed, then just kinda called her boring and dull, which is really nice of her to do. We see that Machi had to deal with higher expectations after Kakeru rebelled and stopped putting up with their family's bs, and that her room looks like a storm blew through it. Seeing as that seems to be the way she releases her emotions, it makes sense. And if she never has anyone over, why would she clean up? It'd probably be a waste of time.

After the call, she basically just passes out in her room, and wakes the next morning to shuffle off to go to the place where everyone is meeting up. She didn't even bother changing out of her school uniform the previous day. On her way to the meet-up place, she thinks about how she feels empty, and broken. The things that Yuki has said to her really seem to be making her think about stuff, mostly of her self-perceived lack of meaning, which she either never really thought about before or came to terms with, but after his questions (which were basically like "oh hey what's your favorite color"), she's gotten all confused.

Anyway, when she gets to the place where they're all meeting up (probably nearby a train station or something idk I don't know these things), Yuki shortly shows up, and she responds to his greeting by promptly collapsing, causing stuff to fall out of her bag, like a bottle opener, and that leaf that Yuki gave her as a souvenir of that one place from a while back,, the field trip. She's kinda embarrassed, because she put them in her bag after she had woken up, and so it showcases something most un-admirable: being kinda groggy and disorganized after waking up. When Yuki asks about the Leaf, she says it's nothing, it's not the same leaf, it is the same leaf, it doesn't matter, whatever! (is it important to say that she made it into a bookmark? idk, but that's how it wasn't torn to shreds: she made it into a bookmark)

Kakeru arrives to see Machi and Yuki wrestling over the leaf, one insisting that it's no big deal, and the other saying it was nice that she had held on to it. It was a pretty confusing scene, honestly. After everyone had arrived, Kakeru told Yuki that he'd never seen Machi act so flustered, which was pretty interesting.

I'll conclude this section with one thing: Machi likes the color red? Interesting. Red is a nice color.

Anyway, I'm nearly done! (When did these things start getting so long I gotta cut these down somehow I seriously doubt anyone would read these all the way to the end ;-;) It is nearly New Year's, and there are two things going on: Tohru is going to stay with Kazuma, and Yuki is going back to the main Sohma house, just for the one night. (Tohru is staying at Kazuma's place because Yuki is going to the main Sohma house, because,,,, reasons?? Idk)

There's nothing much of note for Tohru being at Kazuma's house, but Izusu is there as well, so maybe we can get some progression on the whole curse-breaking thing?? Hopefully?? Maybe not.

There is one moment at the Sohma house that I do want to talk about, and it happens between Akito and Yuki, where they're just sitting there, and Akito says something like, "You're not running away anymore? Cool. I forgive you for that." and Yuki starts to say that he forgives Akito as well, then says that he doesn't want to place blame on anyone, because, in the past when he's done that, it hasn't really helped him. He said that there are some things about himself that he would like to improve upon, and Akito swiftly responded to that by breaking a pitcher and scratching Yuki's face with it. Nice, Akito. Real nice.

Yuki gets help for it, but everyone kinda sat there like O_O for a few seconds (which, like, yeah. I'd respond the same way.) While Hatori is patching Yuki up, Yuki apologized to him for what happened back when Yuki was a little kid, with Hatori erasing all those kids' memories, and how he was only thinking about his own pain, and that he might have been blaming Hatori in a way, this whole time. Hatori waved it off, it was no big deal, but it was nice of him to do, nonetheless.

Okay, that was the end of the book. Finally. Why do I make these so long? Idk.

[1-800-hellraiser]

Underfell!Sans x Female!Reader

Hello! I'm back with an Underfell Sans oneshot! I'm an absolute S I M P for this man. Anyways, PLEASE READ THE DISCLAIMER BEFORE THE ONESHOT!!! Underfell is NOT my Au, it belongs to @VictheUnderfella. Undertale is made by Toby Fox, Sans and Underfell!Sans aren't my characters! The reader will use She/Her pronouns (sorry dudes and nb pals). Have fun reading :)

❗DISCLAIMER❗

This oneshot contains mentions of verbal and physical abuse, mentions of the aftermath of abuse, smoking, and swearing! If you are triggered by/ uncomfortable with reading about these topics, I suggest you don't read this oneshot. If you're not triggered by/ uncomfortable with reading about these topics, you can proceed forwards. 

     I also made a reader insert, your character is not a human. The character can be found here. I will write this in a way where it includes everyone, I just made the ref sheet so I can at least have something to go off of in terms of outfit/makeup/species of monster.

I Wanna Be Yours

Word count: 3,936

Song: I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys

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"Secrets I have held in my heart are harder to hide than I thought. Maybe I just wanna be yours. I wanna be yours."

      Flick. Your lighter lights with a simple motion of your thumb. You hold the lit cigarette to your dark colored lips and take a puff. You developed the nasty habit of smoking when you first became a part of the Royal Guard. Being a Guardswomen is tough, considering you actually had a kid fall down into the underground a day ago. You never thought it would happen to be honest, maybe you can finally get out of this hell hole and away from the insufferable assholes that inhabit it. Except for Sans. Sans has been your only escape, your safe haven. You met him through his brother, Papyrus. When you first became a Royal Guardswomen, you met Papyrus and Sans. After having a somewhat awkward conversation with the smaller skeleton, you both hit it off instantly. You two actually share a sentry station near the Ruins.

      Both of you share puns and stories with one another. Stories about the good, the bad, and sometimes, the ugly. Sans isn't the most trusting person. It took you a while for him to open up to you about his past. About a year and a half to be exact. Once he told you a bit about his past, you felt so bad for him. Even though he doesn't want pity, you can't help but feel bad. His brother is a very verbally and physically abusive person, especially when things don't go his way. Papyrus usually takes his anger out on someone, and that someone is usually Sans. You want to take him away from this situation. You want him to live an abuse-free life. You want him to be happy. As soon as you leave the underground, you want to take him away with you, if he lets you, of course. But for now, you just have to be there for him when he needs you to be. 

      "Ay Y/n, you okay?" Sans says, waving his skeletal hand in front of your face. "Uh, yeah, I'm good, I just kinda zoned out." You mumble, taking another drag of your cigarette. Sans looks at you skeptically before returning back to what he was doing. Suddenly Sans turns to you "Ya wanna go to Grillby's?" He asks. "Yeah, I got nothin' else to do." You respond. He takes your hand and teleports into the small diner. You two take a seat at your usual spot at the bar. "I'll take my usual," Sans says to Grillby, you order your f/f. You and Sans just chill and talk while enjoying your meals. After cackling at Sans' story of Papyrus somehow getting his head stuck in a bucket, he goes quiet. You ask him what's wrong. "Can I ask you somethin' Bud?" He asks. "Shoot at me." You reply. "What would you do if you lost the person you love most?" He questions, you're a bit stunned at the serious question. 

     "I think I'd go crazy. I don't think I could live without the person I love most. Why do you ask?" You question the edgy-looking skeleton. "No reason, I'm just curious 's all." He says, shrugging. You nodd skeptically, you knew he was going to say something else, but then decided against it.  After your meal, you realize it's actually pretty late. About six pm, to be exact, both of your sentry shifts ended two hours ago. "Shit! I gotta go, Papyrus is going to crucify me if I'm not back by six. Same time tomorrow, Dollface?" You chuckle, "Same time everyday, Sans," You retort. "I wish he meant to call me Dollface." Wow, that thought came out of nowhere. A blush spreads across your p/f/c (pastel favorite color) cheeks. You and Sans always call each other pet names, platonically, of course. Sighing, you begin walking to your apartment. There was a small apartment complex behind Grillby's that you live in. You used to live in Waterfall, but moved to Snowdin once you got paired with Sans to your sentry station. Even though sentry can change in an instant, you and Sans mostly stay in Snowdin. 

       Arriving at your apartment, you fish your keys out of your pants pocket. You open the door and sigh a sigh of content. After chucking off your boots near the door, you trudge to your bedroom and change into a pair of black sweatpants and a baggy blue shirt that says "Big Dick Is Back In Town" on it in Times New Roman font. You turn out the lights and collapse on your bed. Within seconds, you're fast asleep. At seven thirty am your alarm rings in your ear. You proceed with your morning routine, you shower, do your hair, put on some makeup, and get dressed. When you go to get dressed, you realise something. "Fuck I forgot to wash my work clothes yesterday!" You groan. You literally have four of the same pairs of pants and shirts you wear for work. You sigh exasperatedly, you have to wear the same ones you did yesterday again. Grabbing your phone, you set a reminder to wash your work clothes tonight at six thirty.

      After that, you put on your boots and leave your apartment. Taking a few shortcuts, you arrive at your shared sentry station, cigarette in between your clawed fingers. You sigh, Sans isn't even at the station yet. Anxiously, you wait at the station. About ten minutes later, Sans finally appears at the station, panting and shaking. "Are you okay?" You ask, concerned. "Does it look like I'm fuckin' okay to ya'?" He snaps back. Shocked, you stay silent. You know he doesn't mean to snap at you when he's mad, it's best to give him some space for a bit. You excuse yourself from the station, saying you forgot your phone at your apartment. "Make it quick, I don't want Papyrus to catch you." He says, your breath hitches. Oh, so that's what happened this morning. "I'll be careful, I promise." You reassure, taking a shortcut through the woods to Grillby's. You go in, and order Sans' usual and your f/f to go. As soon as you get the food you leave for the station again. You pop out the same way you entered, right behind the station.

     "I'm back." You announce, setting the plastic bag containing food in the front of the sentry station. "Where'd that come from?!" "Uh...Grillby's?" You say, "No-I mean-" sans sighs "I thought you had to go grab your phone from your apartment." He says, you chuckle. "Yeah, I lied. I thought you needed a little pick-me-up, considering the way you came to the station this morning." You explain, tail swishing a bit behind you at the uncomfortable subject. "Oh, well, thank you. I appreciate it, Doll." He says in a sincere manner. You love when he's soft with you when no one is around. In the Underground, it's considered "weak" to show genuine emotion outside of your home. You wish it wasn't like that, but sadly, this is the reality you have to live in for now. For now, you can only be there for Sans when he needs to show his emotions. He can't even show emotions in his own home, Papyrus will be a dick and judge him for it. It's not fair at all. 

       "Ya alright, Y/n?" Sans asks, pulling out of your thoughts. "Hm? Oh yeah." You respond, now realising how angry you must look. "Yeah, you looked pissed. Is somethin' up?" He asks, you sigh. You knew you'd have to bring this up eventually. "I'm just, so angry at your brother." "Why?" You look down at Sans. "Sans, he treats you like utter garbage! Why do you keep going back to him?" You sigh out exasperatedly. "Because I care about him, even if he doesn't care about me." He says sadly. Your e/c eyes widen. You get it now. He's the only one he has left that's his family. "Sans, I'm sorry. I know Papyrus is your brother, I'm just worried. All the scars he leaves you with. What if he damages you permanently?" You explain, biting on your black claw. Another habit you obtained from joining the Royal Guard. You look at Sans for an answer, you see a gentle red blush spread across his face. "I appreciate you caring Bud, I really do. But I can handle it myself." He says, looking you in the eyes. His red pinpricks aligning with your e/c irises. You sigh and avert your gaze down.

     "Okay, if you say so. But if anything ever happens, call me, I'll let you stay with me, okay?" You say, giving Sans your number, witten down on a tiny slip of paper. He says he will. The rest of the day goes off without a hitch. You and Sans finish your shift (on time this time) and part ways until tomorrow. You almost kick your boots off at the door before your phone starts going off. You quickly pull it out of your pants pocket, you sigh in relief. It's just the alarm you set for your laundry. You take your bin full of laundry to the basement of the complex and throw your clothes in one of the cleaner looking machines. As you put your laundry bin down next to the washer, your phone starts to go off. You check and Sans is trying to call you. You immediately answer the call. "Hey dude, what's up?" You say into the speaker. "Y-y/n, could I come over?" You hear his raspy, pained voice through the receiver.

      "Yes, of course! Do you need any help? You sound hurt?" You say panicked. "No Dollface, I got it." He says, you do not accept that. "Too bad. I'm coming over anyway." Before he could protest, you hang up the phone and speed out of your apartment complex. Thankfully, Sans' house isn't that far. After a short, speedwalk, you're staring down his front door. You rasp on the wooden door, waiting for a response. You were going to knock again, Sans opens the door, you let out a small gasp. Sans looks terrible, he was covered in his own blood. "Come on, you're staying with me tonight," you say, taking his boney hand. As soon as you start walking, you notice he also has a limp. If Papyrus were some random ass monster and not Sans' brother, you'd be covered in dust by now. You have a very motherly instinct, but only for Sans. You've never felt this way about somebody else before, you have no idea why either. 

       Once you and Sans reach your apartment, you bring him to your bathroom and seat him on the toilet (lid closed, of course). Grabbing your medical kit and some alcohol, you return to the bathroom and sit on the edge of your tub. "Could you take your sweater off? It'll be easier to clean your wounds." You ask, Sans slowly takes off his crimson red sweater. Suddenly, your bathroom gets really warm. You gasp at Sans' three cracked ribs, a bunch of cuts all over the others. You look up at him with concern written across your p/f/c face. "I don't want to talk about it right now." Sans mumbles, looking down. You take Sans' cheek bones in your hands, you tilt his head up to look at you. "That's okay, I'm just worried about you. You really don't deserve this Sans." You say, pulling your hands away from his face. You pour some alcohol on the washcloth and press it to one of the cuts on his ribs. He curses under his breath as you continue to clean him up. You'll have to call Alphys later about Sans' ribs, see what she can do about them. 

      "Alright Sans, just chill on my couch for right now. Uh, I gotta go real quick, I'll be right back," you say awkwardly, he gives you a thumbs up. Unlocking your door, you head down to switch your laundry. Once you come back up, you notice Sans wasn't sitting on the couch anymore. You panic and begin looking around your apartment, you stop in the entrance of your tiny kitchen, Sans was making something. "Sans, what are you doing?" You ask, he jumps a bit, then winces. "I'm making us dinner?" Sans says, the room starts to get warm again. "Sans, you don't have to do that. You should sit down and relax." You encourage, he shakes his head at your proposition. "Nah Dollface, this is the least I can do for you." He says, continuing to cook a mysterious food. You come up behind Sans, "Sans please, I appreciate the gesture, but you have three broken ribs, you need to sit down and chill out." Sans sighs "Fineeeeeee." He whines, you chuckle at him. "What were you gonna make anyway?" "Nothin much, just some Spaghetti and meatballs." "Okay, gotcha." You say, taking over the kitchen to make dinner. 

      Wiping your forehead of sweat, you finished cooking dinner. You walk into the living room, and set his and your plate on the coffee table in front of the couch. You sit next to him and start eating. "Holy fuck Doll, this shit's amazing!" Sans exclaims, shoving more pasta into his mouth. You chuckle and thank him, as you keep eating. After you both are finished eating you run down to the basement one more time to grab your laundry and return to your apartment. On your way. Back to tour apartment however, you notice that Sans has been calling you 'Doll' and 'Dollface' a lot more than he used to. You shrug it off as him being thankful for your hospitality. You return to your apartment for the last time with your laundry basket in your hands. "I'll be right back, I just gotta put away my laundry." You say, Sans looks over the back of the couch at you and gives you a nod of understanding. You quickly fold your clothes so Sans doesn't have to wait awkwardly on your couch. As soon as you're done, you put the basket in your closet and leave. When you return to your living room, you discover Sans asleep on the couch.

      A small smile forms on your face as you go get him a blanket. After that, you change into a red tye-dye pair of sweatpants and a tank top. Soon after you lay down, you drift into a deep slumber. A few hours later, you are ripped from your sleep by a scream. You pull off your blanket and run to the living room. "Sans?!" You say worriedly and panicked. You see him tossing and turning on the couch, he's having a nightmare. Sans has told you about these haunting nightmares before, it usually happens after a bad day with Papyrus. Not really knowing how to deal with this situation, you sit on the edge of the couch and try to reach for him. As soon as your hand makes contact with his shoulder, he pulls away and curls up into a tiny ball. "Sans, it's just me." You say gently, scooting a bit closer to his trembling and sobbing form. You try to comfort him again, and he doesn't pull away this time. You pull him a bit closer to you. He rests his head on your chest and clenches his arms around you. You massage his skull with your fingertips and whisper sweet nothings to him. 

       After a while of comforting him, he falls asleep again. So you lay on the couch, Sans' head resting on top of you, blanket draped over your two sleeping bodies. After a few minutes, you fall back to sleep. You awake to one of Mettaton's shows. You were never interested in the performer robot that much, but this episode was a (what looks to be) a well made CGI human defusing a bunch of bombs. After a while, you forget about Sans laying on your chest, until he wakes up and jumps off of you like a startled cat. "Jesus! Just scare the shit outta me why don't ya?" You say, sarcasm lacing your tone. "Ah, sorry 'bout that Doll." "You're fine Sans." You chuckle. Looking up at Sans, you notice a light red blush across his cheekbones. Your heart skips a beat as you look at him, then you get up not wanting to make this any more awkward than it already is. Opening the fridge, you look for something to eat. You have eggs, bacon, and pancake mix in one of your cupboards, you take out all the ingredients you need for breakfast and start cooking. Sans insists on helping, but you tell him he needs to to relax because of his broken ribs.

      After a half hour, breakfast is completely done. You fix you and Sans a plate and bring it to the couch. Sans looks very fixated on Mettaton's show. This was a rerun of a previous show. You set the breakfast down in front him, he immediately begins choking down food. "Holy shit Sans! Slow down your going to choke." You scold. "But we're gonna be late to work if we don't." He explains, scarfing down his meal. You give him a confused look. "Work? We're not going to work today, we have to call Alphys over to see what she can do about your ribs." You say, you can feel Sans look at you like you had just told him you had a death wish. "I can't, Papyrus would freak out-" "Papyrus can suck my dick!" You cut him off out of anger. "Your health is WAY more important to me than what Papyrus might do." You snap, Sans sits in shock. You've never snapped at him like that before. Looking at his face, you realise what you just did. "Sans I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that, I just got to frustrated." You explain, Sans' face softens at your words. "Nah it's okay, I completely understand where you're coming from." Sans sighs, and rubs the back of his neck anxiously.

      To defuse the thick tension, you tell Sans you have to call Alphys and you'll be back shortly. You shuffle awkwardly to your room to make the call. Pressing the contact "Weeb Lord'' with a picture you took off of Alphys' social media (it's a picture of a trash can with several red sparkly filters over it) and press the call button. "Yo Alphys" "What is it Y/n?" She says annoyedly. "So, I need you to come over to look at Sans' ribs." You say, "What? Why?" "Papyrus and him got into it yesterday and he's staying with me for a while." You explain, Alphys makes a noise of understanding from the receiver. "Alright, I'll be over in 10." She says, you can hear her shuffling around. "'Ight see you when you get here." You end, hanging up the phone, not really wanting to go back out and just awkwardly sit with Sans, you decide to have a smoke. Grabbing you cigarettes and lighter, you begin to head out of your apartment. "Where are ya going?" Sans asks, still staring at the T.v. "I'm just going to have a smoke, I'll be back soon." You reassure yourself as you leave the apartment. Maybe taking a smoke wasn't such a good idea. It's cold as balls outside, you shiver as you take drags of your cigarette. 

     After you're done, you are about to go inside, but a certain nerdy lizard shows up. She follows you up to your apartment and in through the front door. "Ay look what the cat dragged in." Sans teases, Alphys glares at him. "Nah I'm just joking with ya, how've you been?" "Okay, yourself?" She asks back, Sans shrugs. "Eh, could be better." "Yeah, I heard. Would you mind taking your sweater off for me?" She asks, he reluctantly takes off his sweater again. Alphys studies the three cracked ribs for a second. "Hmmm. I think the best I can do for you is to wrap you up. Other than that, there's nothing I can do." She explains, beginning to wrap Sans' ribs. "You'll have to not go to work for a few days, take it easy. No lifting, no fast movements, nothing." She drones on. "Your best option is to stay with Y/n for now so they can help you heal properly." She states, finishing up wrapping Sans' ribs.

      You let out a relieved breath you didn't even know you were holding. You had hoped that Alphys would tell him to stay with you, Papyrus would probably just hurt him more in all honesty. "I'm going to give you some morphine to help ease the pain a bit." She says, handing Sans an orange pill bottle. "Take two when you wake up, and when you go to bed, if you notice the pain going away, then only take one per day." She explains. You and Sans both nod. "Thank you, Dr. Alphys." you say, Alphys nods. She takes her tote bag full of medical equipment, bids you and Sans goodbye, then leaves. You sigh, and sit next to Sans on the couch. You begin to think, why do you feel so nervous around him all of a sudden. Your heart skips a beat whenever he calls you "Doll" or "Dollface", his laugh gives you butterflies, you want him to talk to you forever, just listening to his New York accent makes you want to kiss him. You can't take hiding your feelings from him anymore, you have an undying love for Sans. 

       "S-sans, I gotta tell you something." You stutter out, Sans turns to you. "Yeah, what is it Dollface?" He asks, your heart beats faster and faster every passing second. "I think I wanna be yours, Sans." You manage to get out. As soon as those words leave your mouth, you regret everything. "Y/n, I...I think I wanna be yours too." Sans mumbles, scooching a bit closer to you. You move closer and closer to each other until your thighs are squished together. Sans cups your cheek with his hand, you place one hand on his shoulder and the other behind him. Sans sets his other hand on your thigh, you lean in and give him a smooch on his sharp teeth. You pull away before Sans' hand moves from your cheek to the back of your neck, pulling you into a more passionate kiss. The passionate kiss turns into a makeout session. Both of your mouths moving in sync, tongues sliding over each other, soft moans come from both of your mouths.

       After a minute of missing, you two pull away, a string of clear and translucent red saliva connecting to your mouths. "Oh my god....that was amazing." You pant, leaning back into the couch. Sans nods his head in agreement. "I'm so glad you confessed to me, Sweetheart. I've had feelings for you since we were stationed at our sentry station together." Sans explains, your heart skips a beat at your new nickname. You blush. "I'm so glad I met you." You say, leaning your head on his shoulder. "Same here Doll." Sans responds, leaning his skull on your head. You're both finally safe and happy.

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x05-- And the firm had two partners...

Hello and happy season 6 renewal! I think I assumed TGF would last three years when it premiered—not five, and certainly not six (this assumption was because I thought the CBS All Access experiment would fail and it would take three seasons for them to admit defeat). Now, I kinda think TGF might just run as long as the people involved want to do it. The way I’ve come to think of TGF is that, because it has no overarching arc or plot and because it is always topical, it is a show without a clear end point. That’s why it’s still fresh even though it is a spin-off in its fifth season. I could see it still feeling fresh in its tenth season if it continues to evolve and change. Anyway, here’s to season six!  

Thoughts on season five, episode five, which I didn’t really love, under the cut.

The episode kicks off with TikTok and Jay’s hallucinations... yay. I’m hooked.  

Look, before we get further into this episode, I’m going to comment on Jay’s plot as a whole. I am really, really glad this show decided to dedicate screentime to showing how horrific COVID is, and especially how horrific the disparities in treatment by race and class were. The hallucinations pay off about as well as they could. And I still do not like anything about this plot. I wish I could say I did.  

Rivi is now out of the hospital and suing Harbor Hospital. He claims that his daughter died of COVID due to their improper care.  

I’m intrigued by Rivi’s wife. She’s deaf and reads lips, and her first scene—where she reads the lips of Harbor Hospital’s lawyers privately discussing settlement—establishes that she’s a partner to Rivi and not “just a wife.” (I think this is going to also help distinguish Rivi from Bishop. Both care about families, but we all know Bishop had his wife killed.)  

Julius and Diane talk about Kurt’s case. Diane looks incredulous when Julius floats the idea of Kurt taking a deal. I almost laughed at Diane’s expression because, well, she’s talking to Julius, her former client who spent time in prison for something he didn’t do. Luckily the show remembers its history, and Julius notes this to Diane.  

Julius also points out that Diane is acting more like Kurt’s wife than his lawyer in this situation, and he won’t share things that are relevant to her personal life but not her professional life.

I am also not going to recap too much of the COVID stuff. Everything I have to say about it is going to be a variation on what I said above-- I'm glad they’re spotlighting important themes but I still don’t like this plot.

I do like that Jay notices Carmen saying “darn” instead of “damn.” She blames parental training and notes she also starts every email with “Dear.”

I do not like that Jay now hallucinates a woman who is literally credited as “naked woman” to illustrate that he has a little bit of a crush on Carmen.  

Why are they already bringing the suit before they have found any evidence of discrimination at Harbor Hospital and before they’ve looked into what type of care Pia Rivi actually received?  

Jay asks Carmen if she wants to join a group of RL staffers for drinks. Carmen says she’ll think about it. Yay for Carmen plots that bring her into the firm’s social circle.

I also don’t think I’ll have much to say about the Diane and Kurt plot. These FBI investigation plots are always the same: a lot of rehashing of the same fights, lots of new twists and turns where it always feels like the facts are changing, and a clean slate when all is said and done. I was thinking about this the other day and was like, “Ah, wouldn’t it be nice to go back to the good old days before the stakes got so high that the FBI was always investigating one of the regulars”? And then I remembered that season 1 of Wife has a plotline (which ends up being mostly inconsequential) in which the FBI investigate Peter.  

The FBI’s investigation of Peter in season 1 is so inconsequential, in fact, that it brings us Elsbeth’s first appearance and I STILL see people thinking that Executive Order 13224 in season 3 is her first appearance. It is forgettable enough that people manage to forget ELSBETH TASCIONI.

Anyway my point here is just that this feels like familiar territory and until the writers prove to me they have something new to say, about Jan 6 or about the FBI or about Diane and Kurt’s marriage, I... am not that invested.

Julius calls Diane out on being part of every conversation with Kurt. This is a good point. This is something that I would like to see the show address more. Didn’t Kurt ask Diane last episode not to be involved? Why don’t we get to see the fallout of that decision and how it impacts their marriage? I know this show is not character driven in the way I’d like it to be, and I know that is part of why it always feels fresh. It just tries my patience sometimes.  

Diane looks really red in this scene.  

LOL @ the stock footage of an ambulance pulling up in front of Harbor Hospital that clearly says “LOS ANGELES CITY FIRE DEPARTMENT.”  

One problem I have with Jay’s plot in this episode is that it feels very, very similar to the hospital episode of Evil. This is only a problem because the episode of Evil is much better. The hospital episode of Evil uses horror to show racism in the healthcare system; it’s very innovative and suspenseful. This episode wants to do the same thing... but I don’t think the writers found the exact right tone to pull it off. I can see what they are trying to do and admire that they are trying, at least.

I am struggling to articulate why I dislike this plot so much! The best I can say is that something just isn’t clicking. And, honestly, this may just be a problem with how little I’ve ever understood the hype around Jay. I’m not sure if I’ve ever said this before, but the show seems more enamored with Jay than I am, and I’m always at a little bit of a distance from the character. (I suspect it’s an acting thing, not a writing thing.)

There is also just a LOT going on in all of the Jay/hospital scenes, probably more than is needed to get the point across. It’s like the episode can’t decide if it’s all in on being horror, if it’s trying to be surreal, if it’s trying to be quirky, if it’s trying to be heartfelt, if it’s trying to be pointed, or if it’s trying to be about Jay’s emotions. I actually think this plot would’ve worked better if it were a little toned down.  

Starkey is in Diane’s office and it’s time for one of those scenes that happens in all of these FBI plots where the FBI agent is annoying and then the person they’re annoying walks away and is sassy towards the FBI. This scene feels like a mix of the one in the season two premiere where Starkey tries this strategy on Maia and some of the clunkier moments of the TGW series finale.

Danny Pino is on The Good Fight now! I’m excited to see him! He’s super charismatic; I see why they had him playing a politician on BrainDead. On this show, he insists everyone call him Racehorse.  

Racehorse is now representing the hospital, and Carmen is a little outmatched.  

Predictably, Racehorse’s strategy is to try to force Rivi to testify by bringing a countersuit. Testifying is obviously bad for Rivi since he runs a criminal enterprise and would have to answer questions under oath.  

Really long pause before the credits. Also, I don’t like this thing where we don’t get to see Liz until after the credits. I demand more Liz!  

This episode is called “And the firm had two partners” but has nothing to do with Diane and Liz and the drama about who should be a name partner. It barely even has anything to do with Liz! Misleading.  

Yay for Nikki M. James, who directed this episode!

Okay, I saw a post on Reddit about how everyone looks red in this episode and didn’t think anything of it, but on rewatch? That post is spot-on; everyone looks red. The scenes in Diane’s home are particularly bad. Kurt looks like he has an awful sunburn.

I’m glad to see Diane’s home also has a kitchen; I was getting concerned it really was just that one room.

I love Diane and Kurt but sometimes their plots rely too heavily on just being like, she’s a liberal! He's a conservative! Tension ensues!  

This episode is, sadly, Wackner free and very light on Marissa. I am fine without Wackner for an episode (sometimes a break from gimmick is nice) but I really miss Marissa’s energy.  

Diane asks Marissa to investigate something related to Kurt’s case. Marissa’s not thrilled, seeing as she is no longer an investigator and has two other jobs, but she agrees anyway.  

Diane doesn’t learn, does she? Two scenes ago she was apologizing to Kurt for meddling and revealing info he didn’t want her to reveal (the name of the rioter) and now she’s trying to get more information so she can... put herself in a position where she can act on more information Kurt doesn’t want her to act on? Cool.

LIZ!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!

Rivi and Isabel want to talk to Liz without Carmen present. Isabel, wisely, wants Liz to be on the case along with Carmen. Liz protests, but Isabel insists. She notes that she could see some associates using a racial slur against Rivi... and Liz knows she has to join the case to keep Rivi on as a client. She apologizes and then fires all three associates involved in the joke.  

There’s a whole subplot about a doctor who posts TikToks that allege racism at Harbor Hospital, but also silly TikToks to boost her follower count. I do like that they allow this doctor to be both someone who wanted to do good and someone who wanted fame.

After this, though, we lose the thread of the TikTok dancer (and of the COTW, kind of) because the plot becomes more about Jay. That’s fine, though it’s a little bit clunky.  

There’s a reveal that Jay’s hallucination of Frederick Douglass is actually a fellow patient who was in the COVID pit at Harbor Hospital with him. As I said before, this is the best payoff for the hallucinations possible, but there were still too many scenes of the hallucinations.

Wow, I actively do not want to watch these scenes a second time.

NRA lady from the season 2 panel (with Adrian, Mr. Elk, the Florrick fan, etc.) is back. She is friends with Kurt, because of course she is, and could speak up and defend him. She doesn’t want to.  

God, I hope he isn’t fucking her. I can barely do another one of these FBI plots—don't make me sit through another Kurt Likes Pretty Ladies with Guns plot.

Even though NRA lady doesn’t want to speak up, Marissa has followed Kurt and identified her.

More stuff happens with Jay.  

What if the hallucinations don’t end with this episode? I like showing that Jay is a long hauler but omg do I loathe these hallucinations.  

I do like that Jay clues Carmen in on the hallucinations.  

Why is Julius even allowing Diane to tag along on visits to Starkey, and why must this gag with the dead birds keep going?!?  

More Jay stuff.  

I just don’t get why they’re asking about the Pit, where Jay and lots of other black or brown people with COVID were held, before they have any idea where Pia Rivi was held in the hospital. Are they just trying to fact-find?  

Shockingly, Pia Rivi was never sent to the Pit and actually received special care because no one wanted to anger Rivi. I... would have assumed this from the start or looked into this before bringing the suit? I know the whole point of this case is to get to explore Jay’s experience in the hospital and shine light on disparities in healthcare but I can still nitpick!  

Jay recalls hearing someone say that he was taken out of the Pit and given better care after the hospital received a call. He asks Liz if she made that call—she didn’t. She says she wishes it had been her, but she didn’t know the situation was that bad. I’m a little surprised we didn’t get references to Adrian or Marissa here. If they could’ve made a call, they absolutely would’ve. Adrian’s like a father to Jay, and Marissa is a loyal friend. Adrian has enough sway to get Jay better care, and you KNOW Marissa is resourceful and connected enough to get him good care.

I really love this Liz and Carmen scene where Carmen asks Liz for advice and Liz helps her out. I like that Carmen still has things to learn—and knows it—even as she’s a great, capable, talented lawyer.

Carmen starts to leave, then turns around and says, “I want to learn from you. I don’t... My attitude is knowing, but it’s just my attitude. It’s not who I am.” YES! I’m so glad we’re getting lines like this that make Carmen’s personality clearer. She’s not a malicious sociopath who wants to defend drug dealers and help bad people get away with horrible crimes. She’s a new lawyer who wants to be ready to handle anything, make a name for herself, and come across as untouchable. This line makes everything click into place: this is why she’s willing to represent Rivi, put forward her own strategies, and be so polite it's rude to Liz... and why she also would rather stay at RL than go work full time for Lester.  

Liz smiles, realizing she’s gotten through. “Carmen. When I was your age, I acted exactly the same way. I wanted to be perfect. So, I acted like I was perfect. Because bluff is always a part of it, but just... just let me help you, when I can. Ask questions.” I believe it. And now I really just want to see an episode where young Liz and young Alicia face off. My guess is Liz tried to project boldness and fearlessness, while Alicia tried to project hyper competence and that’s why they clashed (and why Alicia was thought to lack a “killer instinct”). Okay, okay, I’ll stop talking about Alicia.  

Racehorse deposes Rivi and it ends with Rivi beating the crap out of Racehorse. I assume this is setting up a longer arc. You don’t introduce a personality as big as Racehorse played by a Kings-favorite like Danny Pino without having plans.  

Also, it’s heavily implied that Isabel is a huge part of the leadership of Rivi’s drug empire. I’m no longer surprised by “actually the wife isn’t so innocent and is also a criminal!” reveals, but I still like this. I think it works better because there’s never any implication that Isabel is an unknowing innocent. Rivi treats her like his equal from their first scene together; she clearly is aware and okay with his prison time and the accusations against him.

We spend a lot of time on how the whole fight was caught on camera. Wonder if that will come back. (I can’t remember—did that accidental sex tape of Maia and the DNC girl ever come back into play?)

Diane threatens NRA lady until she agrees to help Kurt out.  

Jay asks Diane if she made the call to help him. She didn’t. Like Liz, she’s apologetic that it wasn’t her.  

Turns out it was David Lee. He claims it was a business decision. Sure, David. This is so fitting with David Lee’s character—he's always doing stuff like this. And he always likes to say it was about business. I think he secretly has a heart, though.  

(I don’t have much to say about this reveal since it’s familiar territory for David Lee.)  

I like that Jay’s hallucination appears to him as his friend, rather than Frederick Douglass, in his last scene of the episode. I hope that is the end of the hallucination plot.

Kurt gets the news that NRA lady is going to speak up for him. He tells Diane and says “it’s amazing how close we came to disaster right then,” as they have a drink. KURT AND DIANE, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER—IT IS NOT OVER UNTIL IT’S OVER. And this? Is not over! Does anyone really think this is over!? It will be more surprising to me if NRA lady actually follows through and this all gets wrapped up than if there’s a Big Twist.  

I know these writers and I know these arcs. They are meandering and full of twists and turns and add up to a complete picture that doesn’t really hold together. That’s why I’m so negative on this episode even though I’ve been positive on the arc in the past. This feels like the mid-season misdirection that it almost certainly is, and I was hoping this arc would be a little more about commentary and a little less about convoluted plot nonsense.  

Diane and Kurt dancing at the end of the episode HAS to be a reference to Diane and Will’s post-victory dances, right?