#good side: u don't care what people want from u to draw

[dwn055]

accepting i'll probably never get anything done on time again

[life-is-more-than-just-a-game]

♠️ Being found in the Borderlands all by your own. ♠️

Summary: You have already been in the Borderlands for a few days and are familiar with the essential components. After a game, you've lost everyone you had a good bond with. You are the only one who was able to survive. Physically and mentally injured, you sit on the side of the road in the middle of the destroyed and desolate Shibuya district. Ready to drop everything - ready to give up - you'll be found by new players who may or may not have the willingness to help you back up when you've fallen so far.

Characters: Arisu, Chishiya & Niragi.

POV: gn!reader

Warnings: Threats, Weapon (Gun)

A r i s u

The sight of you reminds him a little of himself. He knows the look on your face when you stare in the middle of the void and don't make any effort to move from the spot, even though you know exactly how dangerous it is to just stay in one place and do nothing. When Arisu finds you, he immediately knows what's going on inside you, which is why he's already determined to help you in some way. The problem is that he doesn't know how to help you, considering he doesn't even know how to help himself.

And yet he dares to come to you after a moment's hesitation. Slowly, so you don't think he's trying to hurt you, but… even that wouldn't matter to you at that moment.

At least you don't even dare to look at him. You could say that your self-protection mechanism has left you completely. You're not afraid. No grief. Just… well, what do you feel? Nothing. Actually, it's just an oppressive void.

"I like to be part of someone else's suffering."

With these words, Arisu manages to draw your attention to him. He may get a confused, almost bewildered look from you, but it's worth it to him right now.

"All right, you don't have to say anything. Let's just… let's just sit here together for a little while and look into the distance. And if you need someone to talk to, then ... I'll be here."

What a strange guy, you think.

Still ... it's quite nice gesture, of course.

C h i s h i y a

Just on the way to the next game, Chishiya meets you. He actually had better things to do than take care of you, which is why he didn't want to pay attention to you at all, but he finds it strange that you don't respond to anything.

He's just a few feet in front of you and you're looking right at him. His gaze is focused on you, you don't react. He speaks to you with a "Hard Game Finished?" but you sit silently on your spot and don't even make the slightest attempt to give him an answer. Nonsense. Apparently, you didn't even hear him. What if he waves? You're still not moving.

That eventually makes him come over to you, just to see if you're at least reacting to it. It's sad to say nothing's happening here either. Only when he squats in front of you and looks straight into your eyes, do you at least give the reaction of you to move your eyes so that you don't look straight into his. Eye contact has never been your strength.

"Pale. Slight tremor. Indifference."

He doesn't care if you listen to him at all, but the fact is, he's going to have to give up the upcoming game after all.

"A slight shock, it looks like."

Without thinking about it, he sits down on the stony, cold floor, inspecting the wound in your face while keeping a healthy distance from you.

"I can stitch the wound when you come back to reality."

Why is he even telling you this? He'll have to start smiling about it himself. There won't be any feedback from you either way.

"It's okay", he says, "I have time."

N i r a g i

Most people who know him know how impulsive and violent Niragi can be, but as far as you're concerned, you have absolutely no clue. You didn't even mean for him to trip over your legs. You just sit on the floor and try to deal with the straightforward experience somehow. Forget the pictures of your comrades being brutally murdered. But now you are being prevented from doing so by being all the time riddled with a psycho, one might say, whom you have never even seen before in your life.

Normally, you'd apologize for what happened. I don't care if it was really your fault or not. As long as they leave you alone and go back on their way. And if there weren't any excuses, you'd at least take your legs and just walk away to get out of the situation.

Today, however, it is different. You let the curse and the provocation come upon you. Insults pass you by and don't interest you in the slightest. This, however, makes everything feel even worse. Don't you always say you shouldn't get involved with people like that? That you should just ignore them because then they'd stop harassing you? After all, it should be boring to just give monologues at some point, right? Not with Niragi, who will eventually point his gun at you, threatening to kill you if you continue to ignore him.

"Do it," you whisper softly to yourself, which is more than just serious. "Kill me," you continue, "there's nothing keeping me here any more…"

That's where you finally turn to the unknown, whom you have taken out of concept with these words.

He lowers his gun slowly and only looks at you with irritation. Did you really just say that? Did you really just give him permission to kill you with his own hands? To shoot you down?

"Wow."

Even him makes this speechless.

"Looks like someone's already done with their life."

Without saying anything else, he looks down at you in disgust, holding the gun loosely with both of his hands again, before only a bored "Hm" comes over him.

"Freak", he says, leaving you alone from now on.

Luck in unhappiness, you think ...

[akq96618]

[ 💜💛🖤❤🤍💙]

+

(this is just my rambles , pls scroll if u dont want to read jdakjsa ;-;)

ok i'm not good at it, but i'll try to be more serious.

King Ohger is my first sentai after about…10? 11? years since i watch toku as a kid (for sentai, i used to watch shinkenger and power rangers dino force). I start to watch toku again last year because of KR Den-O, simply just bcs i want to rewatch one of my fav childhood tv program. And i cried a lot, not just because of den-o's story but also I remember that I still love toku as much as little me back then

after finished den-o, i crave for more toku to watch, then my older sister told me there's this super sentai that all of the sentai is leaders/kings ((SHE HAVEN'T WATCH KINGOH UNTIL THIS VERY DAY DESPITE BEING ONE OF MY REASON TO WATCH KINGOH, I HATE HER////jk i love u sis)). I didn't watch kingoh while it's ongoing, i binge watch it from ep 1 while it's around eps 20-25. And i regret nothing, i feel a lot of emotions, be it's the good one or even the bad one. I laugh and I cry. I didn't live for 2000 years like jeramie, but i relate to him about dealing with grief and keep everything to yourself bcs you don't want others to worry about you. And the happiness of finally found someone you can rely on, someone that won't say anything but will pat your shoulder and reminds you that they will be on your side no matter what.

I learn a lot of thing from other king too, i learn to be kind from gira and himeno, i learn that it's okay to not care about what people say and be myself the way i am from rita, i learn to stands for what's wrong and didn't back down like yanma, and kaguragi uhm…* shake hands with kagu * yes ur my buddy bro (i swear i have one thing i relate to kagu, i just don't want to tell what it is-)

people can call it 'childish show' (my friend said that when i tell them abt kingoh and kr ;-; that's why i stopped telling abt toku to others and just keep my excitement to myself) and they're still right, but still, kingoh is special to me.

I was ready to be alone on this (I always be), i draw fanarts because i want and i like them so much, and didn't expect at all that i'll found other people that excited about the same thing like me. thank you to everyone who liked, reblog, comment, send asks, i can't always answer everything, but pls know that i appreciate every single of you,

artist, writers, gif maker, friends, everyone.

one day will come the day that my interest maybe will fade away. Until that day come, I'll enjoy my time here and drawing what i want. (((actually this applied to my other fandom too ;-;))))

for you who read this so far, thank u again <3

+ pls have this happy spiders, they're my favorites from all of the finale moments ;-;

[changbinsboobs]

Can you please do Stray kids, what physical traits they look for and how would they act around they crush 👀please and thank you if you have done it

Hi:) i just posted a reading on physical traits💗

I also have a reading on skz on how they are when they have a crush but its more focused on their internal state of being, so I'm gonna do a separate one on their specific, outwards behavior towards their crush specifically! Enjoy💗

I'll be using the 3rd Eye Tarot and remember :

*This reading is for entertainment purposes only!

How would stray kids behave around their crush?

Chan - The High Priestess, Page of Cups

He mimics his crush a lot. Like not in a mean way or intentional. Yk this psychology fact that we unintentionally mimic our crushes or people we like/admire, cuz we want them to like us too. I think he's doing that A LOT unconsciously but for the person on the other side i think its pretty obvious, pretty quickly😂

I also think that he would try and change himself a bit. Like his appearance or his likes and dislikes - according to his crush. I think it would be unconscious tho. Not like he thinks "oh she likes guys with blue hair so im gonna dye my hair blue". Its more like his crushes opinion just influences him a lot. Other than that im not seeing much i think he just matches his crushes energy and i wanna say pace too, but im unsure. So just leave it at he matches his crush😂 and he kinda copys them. Whatever his crushes behaviour is to him, that would be his behaviour to them.

Lee Know - Ace of Wands, 6 of Cups

He's normal and nurturing. I don't think his crush would think he's flirting with them, they would just think that he's really kind and helpful and has a big heart to give love and care from. So his approach isn't very demanding(?). Like whatever he does for his crush, u can feel he doesn't do it cuz he expects something in return, but because he genuinely likes them and wants them to be good.

I also see him making some advances but like...ugh idk, like his crush can't really tell if its flirting or if he's just a touchy person or if his humor's just a little perverted. Like what im seeing is a few perverted comments and an evil smile or something😂 and i think his crush would be a bit confused at that but not really take it as a sign of flirting or interest towards them. (Btw the 6 of Cups has already come a few times in his readings! He's definitely a very nurturing person!!!)

Changbin - 9 of Pentacles, 8 of Swords, Queen of Cups

Changbin of course had the most cards😂 he had so many cards (7 in total) im too lazy to write them all up there, so im just gonna write the 3 most significant ones. Also this is something i notice a lot with his readings he almost always has the most cards cuz i keep feeling theres more he wants to say, and that he's not done yet, so i keep drawing more and more. Then when i look at them i have 9 cards and 3 if them say thing A, 3 say thing B and 3 say thing C😂 like...my guy you could've just let me say all that in 3 cards m, why'd u make me work so much😂 i feel like its very important to him to describe the details and to explain everything the best way he can so that he does not get misunderstood. And details for him are very meaningful and actually very big, so he pays lots of attention to that and finds it important and wants it to be clear to the readers as well (or whoever's listening)

Sooo he tries to put himself in a good light. Like put his macho on, his gentlemanness, act nonchalant and poised(?), flex his wealthyness a little😂 (i love reading this😂💗)

But at the same time i see him being plagued by his thoughts an fears (literary the same cards as the previous crush reading came on) and thus why i feel like he would be giving mixed signals. Like being awkward one second, avoiding his crush, going out of their way, barely responding, barely having eye contact. To being stern and cold, acting almost as he doesn't like them or is angry at them or something. To being so genuinely kind and welcoming and i see even going for some slight, friendly skinship. To being boastful and slightly flirty again😂 its a rollercoaster i think every time his crush would be getting a different changbin. And maybe not even on different occasions. Maybe they can get 3 different version in one day alone.😂 poor girl.

I also see him having a hot-cold streak in his verbal communication too. Like one minute he's mimicking them (like chan), the other he's jokingly mocking them, annoying them, trying to get them a bit agitated and triggered even😂 he wants to get a reaction out of her. (God i think next time ill leave changbin's reading for last, every time im doing him i get so exhausted and i hope im already at the end of the reading (the whole post), but im not even halfway cuz he's so far up🥲. Now i did him first cuz he had so much cards, and now i wann cry cuz i have ti do 7 more guys🥲)

Hyunjin - Temperance, 10 of Wands

I think he's pretty calm around his crush. Tbh i don't see him making any impression of that kind. I think his mind is way too preoccupied to actually do something.

He might seem clumsy. Stutter, make weird sentences, have s bit if weird facial expressions. All of that is i feel whenever he gets into close contact with his crush. If u look at him from afar he's calm and collected and cool and poised. But if you come up close and actually converse with him he would be rally awkward.

Han - 5 of Pentacles, Wheel of Fortune

Ughh...a bit of a looser i fear. Like he's behavior would be very off putting. Like those pick me guys😭 ugh im getting such an ick.

He would be mostly like that, but every once in a while would have a moment where he shines and suddenly gets a boost of confidence and just is being himself and them he does so so well. Rally well! But that doesn't last long sadly and he becomes a pick me shortly after once again.🥲

Felix - 7 of Cups, King of Cups

Proactive. Isn't afraid to approach them. Just shamelessly goes up there and gives them a compliment, makes small talk, ask for a number or a date or whatever. I would say he's pretty smooth but he actually isnt😅 but it doesn't really matter cuz even if his approach isn't smooth, his energy is, and lots of people perceive only that. His overwhelming energy of confidence.

He might think a lot of them and give them small random gifts he thinks they will like, or that reminded him of him. Each time he gets the opportunity to be close to them again and talk to them.

Seungmin - The Emperor, Queen if Pentacles

Very helpful, very initiative, very supportive. He immediately shows how reliable he is. He proves his seriousness and that he's not in it just for the game but for a purpose.

Very stable and straight forward with his feelings and intentions.

Shows patience and doesn't pressure his crush all too much. Just leaves them in peace to warm up to him, while continuously showing up and being there. Reminding her of his high quality and value.

I.N - 3 of Wands, 4 of Pentacles

Straight forward with his feelings and pursuing. I think he's someone that as soon as he realizes he has a crush he goes over there to confess😂 brave guy that one!

He's very possessive of his crush even if they aren't together yet snd i think he would often show that in some ways, like wanting to walk beside her, wanting to take care of her, to answer her questions, to buy her food or other stuff. He doesn't want her to do those stuff by herself or even worse to ask other men about it. Or even allow other men to do that for her. Who are they to allow themselves that😂 only he can take care of her!!!😤😂

[your-ne1ghbor]

Asha's Animal Side Kick

Now presenting...

the one...

the only...

BONSAI !!!!!!!!!

It was either between a possum, ferret, or a great eared nightjar/type of bird, but either way, I had to go with the possum.

I liked the light brown possum a lot personally since I thought it was really cute yk??

It was also based off of this possum:

OKOK, you may be wondering why I changed Valentino, or Bonsai into a possum.

There are 2 reasons:

Numero Uno:

VALENTINO IS FUCKING UGLY

I think my friend @sewerpalette said it best here:

Nothing can convince me otherwise. His design is just SO ugly to look at. It is not pleasing.

And it doesn't help that I wanna punch his stupid fucking face like it is so punch-able

OKAY SURE, the concept versions of Valentino is cute...but ever but I didn't like how I drew goats in my style. It could be just that I'm not good at drawing them, but I also didn't like my color pallet I did for him, which was a lot like what Bonsai has color pallet wise, and it fitted Bonsai more than Valentino.

Numero Dos:

ESMERALDA HAS A GOAT SIDE KICK.

OR BETTER YET, WE HAVE ALREADY SEEN IT.

It is basically a repeat of what we have already seen, which I didn't like.

Just because you aged down a goat does not make it ORIGINAL.

Its okay to have Asha have a pet goat in the other rewrites though I don't MIND AT ALL. ITS YOUR AU U DO WHAT EVER, IM JUST MAINLY TALKING ABOUT MY ICK WITH THE MAIN FILM. IT JUST REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING ELSE.

What I'm trying to say is that Valentino feels like a refrence to Huntch Back of Notre Dom, which this movie has a thing with adding stuck out refrences instead of making it subtle. I mean I know it was a 100 year aniversary, just make it more subtle though so people can rewatch it and find refrences they didn't notice first time watching.

Anyways....

Some fun Facts about Bonsai:

Bonsai is actually a little dwarf, and the runt of his family. Asha adopted him when she found out Amaya told Charo (Charo is a lynx btw) to get rid of them all since she thought they were rats (even though they are fucking HUGE) (PLUS IT IS TO EMPATHESE ON THE FACT THAT THEY ARE MISTAKEN FOR RODENTS WHEN THEY AREN'T, THEY ARE APART OF THE MARSUPIALS FAMILY AND THEY GET RID OF RODENTS/EAT THEM)😭

(I might actually make him slightly bigger than how I drew Bonsai, but who knows yk?)

So Asha took the responsibility of taking care of the little Possum, since she didn't want the possum to grow up alone, and so that she can have some company.

IT TOOK A LONG WHILE for Bonsai to warm up and trust Asha, but in the end, he saw her good nature and swore to protect Asha like how Asha protected him from getting eaten from Charo. Which is why he dislikes Star Boy A LOT (mainly because he doesn't trust how this creature can literally transform into anything and doesn't want him to end up being something like Charo 😭)

He is just a little guy that wants to make sure his friend doesn't get hurt by a celestial force.

This is basically how I imagine how they both would meet:

(Just wait till he finds out Asha likes him. He is going to be so judgemental)

To get this part out of the way, if I end up having Bonsai speak, it would sound like a child, since I DREADED when the goat started...TALKING LIKE A GROWN ASS MAN LIKE NO PLEASE NO. And it would be more adorable yk?? :3

Lastly, here is the first doodle I did of him.

(JUST IMAGINE HIM TALKING LIKE A CRAZY 7 YEAR OLD LIKE THAT WOULD BE SO FUNNY)

@oh-shtars @annymation @signed-sapphire @chillwildwave @spectator-zee @uva124 @rascalentertainments @tumblingdownthefoxden

I might also go with a different color pallet for Bonsai but idk yet

[wispscribbles]

hi i just discovered your beautiful art so i obviously needed to scroll down your whole blog to catch up on everything you posted haha

i just wanted to say that i got way too emotional after reading that post of yours regarding mw3 and your mental health… on one hand i’m so sorry that you felt that way, but on the other i feel it with my whole heart

ghoap content especially for me helped me these past few months with my mental health in ways i would never have expected, it was my solace and inspiration, i started working out too and got back into drawing, got a lot better at it as well!

but unfortunately i get way too fixated on fictional stuff and there comes a time that my brain switches up and connects the things i liked and comforted me with things that make me extremely uncomfortable and stressed out, especially if i fall down a fandom rabbit hole that i would never have searched up, beacuse i know myself, i know my limits and triggers but i feel like i’m not a part of the fandom if i don’t like and interact with every single headcanon, art and ship

these past days i was really down because of that, and the things i read (why did i do that???) and now when i think of ghoap i think of that stuff and im scared that i alienated myself from the one thing that made me happy

but discovering your art and with that your post reminded me that im not alone in these feelings, even if it’s not the same exactly, and i wanted to thank you, for sharing your thoughts that time i guess haha <33

((sorry for rambling))

Long reply under 'keep reading' !! CW: talk of triggers and MCD

Always feel free to ramble my way!!! How nice you could find some comfort in my art and ghoap stuff. Especially in my mw3 post. I've been considering deleting it a few times, but hearing it maybe helped to read in some way makes me happy I left it up.

I get where you're coming from - I very much use these fictional characters as a safe space, but ppl view them very differently. There's room for it all, "don't like, don't interact" is very much a policy I agree with. It's important to mute words and be aware of your own triggers as you browse stuff in this fandom, because there's such a wide variety of stuff out there. You do NOT have to interact and agree with every thought people have on this ship, that's impossible and super stressful. There's plenty of stuff and headcanons I don't vibe with. There are no 'requirements' that you have to meet in order to enjoy fiction.

It's part of why I enjoy ghoap - that their dynamic resonates and has sparked so much creativity and outlets for so many - but it also means there's gonna be a lot of stuff u don't necessarily agree with or feel comfortable with. For example, a lot of folks use the MCD in mw3 as a way to explore grief, which I think is really cool, but on a bad day that could potentially get my brain in a bad headspace, so I only check out that art and those fics when I feel okay. There's also a bunch of stuff I'd never want to interact with, and that’s fine !!

I'm personally quite vanilla and a sucker for exploring the softer, more domestic aspects of these characters. It's what brings me joy. I know there are parts of this fandom who don’t vibe with what I make at all, and would call it untrue to the characters. Some creators enjoy exploring the more violent or toxic sides to the source material. That's just how it is, we all need different things from fiction. As long as we're capable of chilling in our respective sandboxes, then all's good.

But if you're like me, and enjoy the softer things, then definitely be aware and careful while exploring this ship and fandom. I've seen takes on these characters that are so far removed from how I view them, that they're basically the complete opposite, and it can leave a very bad taste, especially if you're the type to hinge your safe space on fiction.

Just... be mindful of yourself and your potential triggers, be respectful and don't interact with things that make you uncomfortable to the point of feeling unsafe. Shape your own online experience to your best ability.

Hope you're doing okay and still find joy in ghoap <3

[justagirlfr]

One Teardrop From My Eye

Noah Diaz x reader

summary: pt 2 of Just One More Tear To Cry - reader is saved from the Terrorcons :D

tw: blood, slight gore, a little bit of angst, electrocution

a/n: this one is so badly written but ty to the 2 people who asked for a part 2, love u guys !!

Your screams of agony fill the room as the electrocution finally stops. Nightwing is looking at you menacingly, armed with a malicious smile and terrible intentions. Body arching and burning, you slump forward on the ground, gasping for breath. You don't even have the strength to shudder as Scourge's underling runs its claws along your chin and forces you up to look. 

"This doesn't have to continue," Nightwing snarls. "You know what I want."

You groan achingly. "I don't know- where it- where it is," you huff. "I'm telling the truth…" you utter weakly, Nightwing's sharp fingers tightening around your chin and drawing blood. 

Scourge lets out an angry growl, overlooking the vast Peruvian jungle from atop a cliff. It was night now. You had been captured and taken when trying to escape with Noah out of the Maximals' hidden underground temple. In a daze, Scourge's spider-like minion captured you and brought you back here when the Terrorcons lost the rest of the Autobots and Noah. 

"That's alright," he says. His tone of voice is cold and unforgiving. "I have another use for you in mind."

—

Mirage tucks Noah in and bids him goodnight, telling him that they'll find you soon. You'll be okay, everything will turn out fine, and he'll get to hold you in his arms once again. That is the future he so desperately prays for. 

Noah finds that he is unable to sleep. Anxiety around whether or not you are still alive haunts him throughout the hours, and he tosses and turns underneath his wigwam, willing himself to fall asleep. When morning comes, Noah is tired, worried, and borderline depressed. 

The events that ensue are as follows: Everyone discovers Airazor to be infected, and the Terrorcons have been alerted to their location amongst the tribe of Peruvians who are protecting the other half of the time warp key. In an effort to keep it safe, the Autobots tell Noah to take the key and run. He heads to a nearby river, thinking of destroying it but he finds that he can't bring himself to do it. The key may be the only way to get you back, and although all he wants to do is keep his planet and family safe, he has come to realize that you are a large part of his inner circle now, and there’s no way he’ll live in any universe without you. 

Unluckily for him and the rest of the Autobots, an infected Airazor steals the key

and brings it back to Scourge.

“And if you think about coming after us,” Scourge snarls. “Remember who we have.”

Nightwing soars above them, dangling your limp figure for all to see. Noah lets out an angry scream and runs as fast as he can to attack Scourge, but Mirage pulls him back. Noah is screaming your name, but you’re unable to respond, being seemingly unconscious. 

For a while, Noah is crumpled on the ground, heaving sobs. That is, until Kris reminds him of who he really is. 

“Sonic? Sonic is that you?” Noah can hear the familiar way his little brother’s voice crackles through the walkie-talkie attached to Mirage’s arm. “Come in, Sonic.”

“Tails! Tails it’s me,” Noah’s heart warms. “How’s Ma, man?”

“She’s good, she’s worried about you,” Kris says from the other end. “But I got her. Have you saved Earth yet?” 

Noah sighs. “We’re…” his voice trails off. He doesn't know what to say. He wants to tell his brother, more than anything, that they’ve got it under control. That he’ll never have to worry about the end of the world nearing again, that everything will turn out alright and that life will be perfect from here on out. But he can’t bring himself to say it, not with you gone from his side. 

“Sonic? Listen man.” Mirage brings the device closer to Noah’s face so he can hear better. “I don’t care if times are tough, you’re my brother and you always know how to get yourself out of things. You got me? I don’t want to hear no giving up on your end, Sonic.”

Noah smiles through his tears. “But what if I’m not made for this kinda stuff. I couldn’t even get you help at the hospital.” 

“Superman had trouble before he became a hero too. He had to get through some of the stuff, you know? But you’ve gotten past that. Now all that’s left is to be the hero.” He feels himself lighting up a little at Kris’s words. “You read me, Sonic?”

“Yeah, yeah I read you. Thanks man. Love you.”

“Yeah yeah, now go back and save the rest of the world.”

“You got it man.” With that, the line clicks off and Noah knows Kris is gone for now. But the conversation ignites something in him, and within the next few minutes he starts coming up with a plan. 

–

Scourge has Nightwing electrocute you a few more times to make sure you’re too weak to get away. He places you on the ground in front of him, watching out for any sign of the Autobots. As soon as Optimus Prime rolls in, he knows he’s the one with the high ground. 

“Optimus,” he says, an unwelcome greeting. 

“Scourge,” Prime responds. “Hand over the keys. I won’t ask a second time.”

“For someone with such prestige, you sure are blind to the circumstances at which you make demands.” He smiles. It’s a horrendously ugly smile. Everything about Scourge is disgusting, from the way the metal on him rusts, to how crusty his eyes are (I’m a Scourge hater, he killed my beloved Mirage).  Scourge picks you up in one hand and squeezes you hard enough to make you gasp for air. “Thought you cared a little more for your human pets.” He laughs darkly. 

From below, Noah scurries down the underground passageway, hoping to shut off the portal and take the keys. He holds his breath, listening to the conversation from above. Beads of sweat coat his exposed skin, and he can feel the temperature rise drastically the farther he runs. 

“I do.” Is all Optimus says, before Mirage shoots Scourge from behind. Scourge lets out an anguished cry, and you fall from his hand, hitting the ground harshly. Something sticky and warm trails down the side of your head, and you can taste blood in your mouth. Your ears are ringing and everything is spinning. You try to scramble away as the fighting behind you ensues. 

–

As soon as Noah retrieves the halves of the key and shuts the system down, he runs back out of the passageway. When he sees your dying figure on the ground, a large pool of blood pooling around you, he pushes up on one of the grates and rushes to meet you.

“Oh my gosh,” he cries, looking at how damaged you are. “Stay awake, please, stay awake…” his voice fades in and out as you try to come to terms with the fact that it’s him. It’s really him. 

“Noah?” your voice is hoarse from all the screaming you did earlier when the Terrorcons were interrogating you. 

Noah holds both of his hands up to your face, looking down at you with a bittersweet smile. “We gotta get you out of here-” 

He’s the last thing you see and hear before you fully black out.

–

When you next awake, you’re lying down in a cosy bed. The sheets are navy blue, and when you look around there are all sorts of parts lying everywhere. A barely working boxy television sits on the cluttered desk to the left of you, and the door in front of you is creaked open just enough where you can make out a source of light and some gentle talking. You look out the window and notice that it’s night. With a heavy groan, you try to get up, but it hurts your head way too much, and you’re forced to lie back down. The door opens and Noah comes in urgently. His eyes are wide open. He’s dressed in a tank top and just his boxers. “Oh my god,” he says, rushing to your side immediately. You smile weakly at him. “The doctor said not to stress yourself too much when you wake-”

You interrupt him by pulling him into a chaste kiss. Surprised, it takes him a moment to kiss back. When the two of you part, he’s breathless. There are tears in his eyes, too. “I missed you,” you rasp. “I missed you so much.”

Noah’s vision is blurred with tears, and he wipes them away, not wanting his view of you to be obstructed in any way. “I missed you too.”

He comes into bed with you, holding you against his chest. From off the desk, he feeds you small sips of water. Afterwards, he starts talking about everything that happened after. How the Prime killed Scourge, how Mirage almost died but was fixed by Noah just a few days ago, how he had taken you to the hospital and moved you back to his room, where his mom was happy to make accommodations, how his little brother had been so happy to see him back, and how he was happy he had you back. He cradles you in his arms. 

—

~Bonus ~

You awake in the middle of the night, screaming and thrashing violently against arms trying to pin you down. 

“Hey! Hey it’s me, it’s Noah! It’s Noah!” You stop abruptly and open your eyes, sobbing. 

“Noah…?”

“Come here,” he whispers, putting his arms around you and bringing you close to his chest. “You’re alright. You’re safe.”

In between sobs, you manage, “I thought- I thought I was back there with them again.”

“I would never let that happen again. Ever.” He kisses your forehead gently, and lays the both of you back down on his bed. “It’s okay,” he coos as you continue to cry into him. 

He pulls the covers over the two of you and listens to you cry yourself to sleep in his arms. 

[eurydicees]

pls can u tell me everything about fhq and esp fhq iwaoi i don’t really know what it is but every time i see you repost one of those beautiful heart wrenching artworks i want to die in the best way

YES GLADLY I WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING I CAN !!! under the cut because you're getting everything.

ok so some of the history lesson portion of this may be a little off, it's been a hot minute since i've done much research into this lol. but final haikyuu quest first appeared as a spread in one of the bonus pages in the manga! throughout the manga's run were occasionally drawings of the characters in little fake movie posters, one of them being an action/fantasy movie called final haikyuu quest:

this first poster and the original character designers are drawn by furudate! from there, it went on to become a mini bonus game in the haikyuu 3DS game, which is kind of crazy if you think about it too hard.

there's a playthrough uploaded on youtube here, but it's obv in japanese and i don't think there's been a translation of the game. there's a translation of part of it here on tumblr, but i don't think it's complete. poster from the 3DS game:

from there, it went on to be a CD drama (videos 8-10 on this youtube playlist, with subs), which is super neat. it's also one of the haikyuu light novels, but i have yet to find a full english translation of that.

i haven't read the novel or watched the videos with the CD drama audio myself, so i'm not sure how much it differs from the 3DS game. i assume they're pretty similar though.

so the premise at its most simple is that hinata and his party of adventurers are off to defeat the demon king oikawa and his henchmen! those are the basics.

the "canon" characters in hinata's party are hinata, kenma, aone, iwaizumi, and kageyama. on the opposing side we've got oikawa (the demon king), kuroo, and kiyoko. kiyoko has servants in the form of tanaka and nishionoya (they don't care for oikawa, they're just there for kiyoko). there's also michimiya, who is in the "fair princess kidnapped by oikawa" role that hinata & co. are trying to save. the full character profiles can be found here (everyone in game) and here (heroes only)!

now this whole premise is like. a little silly. the whole deal is a little silly. this is a volleyball manga.

with THAT being said, though, sometimes the most fun to be had is when you take the silly thing and make it devastating. and it's so easy to do that with FHQ. so let's talk abt iwaoi now <3

so in the story, oikawa is the demon king. because the premise is so simplistic and boiled down to good v. bad due to, like, this not being a real piece of media, oikawa is objectively on the "bad side." iwaizumi, on the other hand, is a knight, presumably human, and "oikawa's (former) friend."

iwaizumi being oikawa's former friend is literally his speciality and i think about that all the time btw. for context, kageyama's specialty is "prodigy" and hinata's is "strongest decoy." and fucking iwaizumi is out here like yea hey guys i used to be on the bad side but im mad at oikawa so now i'm with y'all. also my specialty in this fantasy universe is that i used to be oikawa's friend :)

like. what the hell. as you may imagine, the iwaoi angst potential here is ENORMOUS. iwaizumi who has betrayed oikawa and joined the heroes' side to take him down, iwaizumi whose greatest strength comes in knowing oikawa in and out, because the villains you love are both the hardest and the easiest to destroy. iwaizumi who loves oikawa, and who cannot save him.

(**side note, there's a lot of kuroken angst potential involved in this au as well, but let's focus on iwaoi for this post and save kuroken for another day)

so, as i said, the game's interpretation of all this is pretty simplistic and pretty silly. but personally i love thinking too hard and finding depth in things that are so not that deep. and it seems like most fhq fans also employ this as a favorite hobby because holy shit the angst people put in this au is INSANE.

the way i've interpreted it myself has been that iwaoi were besties/lovers/unclear situationship until oikawa kind of "fell into the dark side," because this is an au of every fantasy trope possible, and his reign over aoba became corrupted and "evil." iwaizumi betrays him to join hinata and take him down--save the world, at the cost of the demon he loved so much. but that demon, who oikawa was, is gone already, isn't he?

one of my favorite comics about them is here by @/ichigomaniac, where oikawa falls to the dark side and iwaizumi kills him to save the kingdom he loves. another FAVORITE similar one is here by @/hawberries! the premise of a lot of fics/art in this au run along these lines <3333

another super fun interpretation is a 5 part comic by @/duskisnigh, where oikawa and iwaizumi are running a kind of underground rebellion/safehouse in a world demons are oppressed by the human race. but as oikawa sees more and more evil on the behalf of humanity, he gets more and more unhinged until iwaizumi feels that he no longer knows him--and runs away with kageyama, with the intention of taking oikawa down.

personally i think the BEST aus are where iwaizumi--so loyal, so in love--is forced to leave because he can't stand to watch oikawa fall to more darkness, while oikawa himself is so devoted to iwaizumi that it's his love for iwaizumi that is corrupting him.....

in the fic i wrote, it's a story about forbidden love and how oikawa just wants to be allowed to love iwaizumi and he'll fight a war in order to do it. but iwaizumi can't watch oikawa fight this war anymore, because he's getting more and more dark as the war rages on. so he leaves, and was any of this ever worth it?

ggaahadhgjkadg . fhq. its crazy. i have a tag for it here, where i have been curating my favorite art. special shoutout to @/amezure who has some GORGEOUS pieces in their tag. OH ! and some of my fave fics in this au :

in the arms of loyalty and the hands of devotion (iwaoi, 23252 words), self promo lol

i can go anywhere i want (just not home) (kuroken, 3662 words) by keplcrs

wondering if your heart's still open (iwaoi, 683 words), by birdintheriver

Diorama (iwaizumi & kenma, 2027 words) by PlumTea

the ao3 tag is beautiful everywhere you turn, but i have a special love for those fics <3

so yeah that's the general deal! if you ever want to talk more about it, i am HAPPY to discuss !!! pls pls plsplsplsplsplssplsplslpslslslss!!!!!!

[otomes-and-tears]

Yk what? We see a lot of '(insert character here) comforting reader' but we don't see much of 'Reader comforting (insert character here) and HMMMM I SMELL LOST WRITING POTENTIAL 👀🤨

OL2 beans,Qiu and Tamarack,separately,step 2 with a GN MC/Reader and MC comforts them this time! Again,im asking for a crushing state but yet to confess (I love pining trope and it fits PERFECTLY for step 2 but if u wanna write it diffirently you're free to do so!!)

This comforting isn't like,one-sided if that makes sense? Ofc Qiu and Tama would comfort MC if they need comfort,but I imagine it'd be kind of unusual for MC to comfort their LI. Idk I think both of the LIs probably tried to keep their emotions and such to themselves since they're teenagers in that era of their lives,but every teenager breaks at some point and their best friend (crush) MC is there for them!!

♦ MC comforting Qiu and Tamarack ♦

► tags and warnings: -

► words: 540

► A/N:

► Masterlist

Qiu 

You notice right off the bat that they’re in a bad mood;

Qiu is easy to read once you grow used to them;

You see it in their tense shoulders and locked jaw, in the way they don’t react to your teasing with more teasing in return, but just a exhale of air from their nose and a hum of acknowledgement;

Qiu code for “I’ll let you win this time.”;

This shows they‘re really not okay, because Qiu never lets you get away with teasing them without teasing you back with expertise, leaving you so flustered your might as well call it a loss;

But you know it’s challenging to make them speak about what’s bothering them;

They take care of people, but aren’t often willing to let themselves be taken care of in return;

It’s after their ballet class that you’re able to finally catch them— it’s their last official obligation of the day before going home to study;

If they’re surprised at seeing you lingering in their doorway, they don’t show it;

You wordlessly follow them inside, managing a small greeting to their mum before walking up to their bedroom;

It’s routine, at this point;

You sit on their bed as Qiu showers and gets dressed in the bathroom, and when they return, they’re ready;

Qiu sits down beside you, resting their head against your shoulder unceremoniously;

“I’m tired.” They say, and you understand that it means much more than what Qiu’s letting on;

“I know.” You say, and lean your head against theirs. “I know.”

Tamarack

When Tamarack’s upset, you can’t find her easily;

She’s quieter and tries her best to blend in with the crowds or in the shadows;

Which isn’t really effective to get you off her back;

Tamarack isn’t someone that can simply pass by unnoticed by you, after all;

After school she’s outside;

Barely even entering her house to leave her things before she makes her way into the woods;

It’s a good place to be alone;

Tamarack has grown to know the woods so well it doesn’t matter if she aimlessly walks around the forest, she always manages to find her way back;

You give her some time to be alone before venturing out into the woods to find her;

If Tamarack really wants to disappear, she will;

But today she’s sitting beneath her favourite tree, using a stick to draw something in the dirt;

She looks up at you and smiles as a greeting;

Tamarack has been expecting you;

You sit beside her, after finding your own stick to doodle with;

You two are silent for a moment as you draw together— she draws a sun and clouds, and you attempt to draw little cows grazing on the grass;

Although Tamarack insist they look more like dogs than cows;

You manage to get a few giggles out of her when you try, futilely, to defend your artwork;

and that’s enough to make her feel better enough to talk about what’s been bothering her;

You two doodle on the dirt as she speaks, and by the time the sun is setting and you need to make your way home, you notice there’s a pep in her step that wasn’t there before.

[sungrave]

Forewords: I estimate Hassian's age at this time around 7-9 ish. I couldn't find any other indication on ages than Taylin calling him "my smart baby",he was old enough to shoot a sernuk but Tay was very impressed.... That's what we are working with this time. Also i couldn't find/remember anything about how much time passed between them being kicked out and getting to Kilima so maybe assume it for a few months, a year tops. Time flies surprisingly fast when u get lost in the woods (just saying)

The ✿s are to indicate time skip

The letters are official from the wiki, the rest is just headcanon

At the end the bonus is with my palia character but i didnt include her name. Just fyi.

Good luck~

✿✿✿

-Here - Taylin said, letting go of Hassian's hand gently. His tiny nails were sparkling with glittering yellow nail polish and he stared at them awestruck.

-Be careful not to touch anything so it can dry properly alright? -he nodded then slowly turned to sit at the side of the bed, feet dangling and swinging back and forth while he waited patiently. A door slammed somewhere in the house then Sifuu's head popped into view.

- I'm home! - she declared proudly, drawing a little chuckle from Taylin.

- No way! - she said while her wife came over with a grin, leaned down to give her a kiss and ruffle Hassian's hair.

-Mother! Careful!! - he tried to lean out of the way holding his hands away and up in the air to prevent touching and Sifuu poked his cheek.

- Whatchu got there kiddo?

- My naails! - Hassian jumped off the bed with an exasperated expression on his face, clearly being done with his mother's antics. -You're gonna smudge them! - he cried out accusingly. Taylin reached out to wave him closer and he went around Sifuu, squinting at her and trying to avoid her reach. His mother grimaced like an animal trying to intimidate their prey but exaggerated it in a playful way. Taylin chuckled while lightly tapped his nails to see if they still wet then pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

-Go get a book ready for bed and I'll go read for you soon okay? - his eyes lit up and Hassian ran out with an excited hum, still carefully holding his hands up just to be sure he doesn't ruin his momma's hard work.

- You're home late - Taylin said, reaching out for Sifuu. She crawled behind her wife, gave her a tight hug then reached for the nail polish. Light peach pink, matching the blush that appeared often on Taylin's cheeks when they were together like this.

- There were some people asking for you - she started, her eyes darkening. Taylin, leaning back and resting her head on Sifuu's shoulder tensed but asked in a playful tone.

- Did they come for an autograph?

- There is some monster lurking in their woods -Sifuu said with measured nonchalance and carefully opened the vial to start on her beloved wife's nails, with the tip of her tongue sticking out. Taylin smothered a smile as she watched under her lashes. - They didn't specify but it's scaring the shit out of them and no one wanted the job because it's vague. No townsfolk was taken yet but they are worried. And they heard you are the best bounty hunter.

- Wow, not you? -Taylin interjected. Sifuu's hand slipped and the tiny brush flicked even tinier drops of nail polish on her dress.

- They must have heard it from one of my rivals - Sifuu huffed and froze but Taylin was still resting with head tilted back, her eyes closed now, completely giving herself to the tender loving care session.

- Surely. Do you want to check it out?

Sifuu let out a hmm, slightly concerned.

- We don't need to. But if they found us, it's only a matter of time before we get assigned to it by the guild. Besides we - she pressed the last word - are the best.

- Hon- Taylin leaned away from Sifuu.

- Hmm?

- What happened here?

Sifuu looked at her wife's hands, held out in front of them, fingers spread, both of their brows drawn, confused.

- What do you mean?

Taylin turned to look into her eyes.

-These are awful. - she said with a mortified look. Sifuu snorted then broke out in loud laughter and playfully nudged Taylin.

- What do you mean awful?? It's miles better than last time! - Taylin was trying to stifle her own laughter.

- Absolutely not, even Hassian keeps between the lines when he is coloring, better than you, are you drunk again?!

- How dare you - Sifuu's laughter stopped and she grabbed Taylin with an arm wrapping around her waist. - Take that back right now! I am not worse than Hassian's coloring! I even practiced! 

Taylin, so close to Sifuu's face and nearly bursting from amusement feigned outrage.

- You dare paint another person's nails other than your wife's?!!

Sifuu seemed upset but her eyes slowly focused on Taylin's lips, barely holding back a smile.

- I don't think that person actually counts as one. It was just Malayka - she leaned in to take a kiss but Taylin finally erupted in laughter.

- You are right - she coughed between wheezes - Malayka indeed doesnt count. - she calmed down slowly and then pressed her forehead against Sifuu's.

- Maybe ask Hassian next time for practice. You almost covered all the tops of my fingers with nail polish. Again. This is like the hundreth time.

- I tried my best okay?! - she grumbled and sighed at the gentle teasing.- Is it really that bad?

- I wouldn't have had it any other way - Taylin whispered and kissed her wife.

✿

Muffled anger filtered through the closed door and Hassian hesitated. Ever since her moms came back from that hunting trip, Momma was upset and Sifuu barely contained her insults even around him - to everyone great displeasure. There was silence now and he bit his lip in worry before knocking and then opening the door slightly. Her parents stood in the middle of their bedroom, visibly upset but holding it back for him.

- Momma? - he hesitated. Taylin kneeled on the floor and spread her arms for him. He ran over, face buried in her neck, melting into her embrace.

- Are you alright Hassian? - she asked worried. He stepped back and held up the little vial of gold nail polish. Taylin smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. - I'm sorry baby, maybe later, mommies are a little busy right now. - Sifuu exhaled loudly but didnt say a word. Hassian just nodded, a faint smile on his lips to reassure his momma it's okay and walked out. He was sure he just imagined the sound of sobs after he closed the door.

✿

Hassian,

How's the weather in the plains? Your mom told me there's a storm rolling in from the desert. I know how much you hate it when you get cooped up inside, but I promise when I get back I'll take you camping for a whole week! We'll roast dinner on an open fire and stare up at the stars, all three of us together.

The woods are dark, and dank, and full of bugs. Blech! Some day I want to show it to you. Once it's safe.

I miss you so much, my smart little baby, and I hope you aren't giving mom too much trouble while I'm gone. This hunt won't last much longer, I promise.

Remember what I taught you, okay? When you get lonely, just look up at the night sky and remember that the stars are watching over you - and those same ones are watching over me too!

I can't wait to see you again.

Love, Momma

✿

Hassian,

Can you guess what your momma caught today while hunting? There's lots of weird critters crawling around the Elderwood, but this one was the weirdest of all. Apparently it's called a Grumpy Granite Rockhopper! When it's threatened it makes the exact same face you do when we tell you it's time to go to bed! It looks a little something like this: >:(

I know I promised in the last one that the hunt was about to end, but this nasty beastie's real good at hiding, so I'm gonna have to be gone for a bit longer. Make sure your mom gives you extra hugs tonight, okay?

This time, for sure, I'll be home before you know it.

Love, Momma

✿

Hassian,

That's amazing!! You caught a whole Elder Sernuk all by yourself?! Your momma's so proud of you! I knew the moment you tried to grab my bow when you were just a little baby, you were made for this.

I'm sorry I'm not there to tell you that myself. Every week that passes feels longer than the next.

If I don't finish this by the end of the month, I'll come home no matter what. Save the next sernuk for me, okay?

Love, Momma

✿

Sifuu,

I searched for weeks, but there's no sign of her. If Taylin hasn't fallen prey to the beast then she's done a very good job of covering her tracks. There's nothing more I can do with a cold trail.

I've attached the things from her camp that weren't torn to shreds. There wasn't much left, I'm sorry.

Stay strong, yeah? You ever need help, just call on us. The crew's always got your back.

- Malayka

✿

- Pack up kiddo, we are going on an adventure! - Hassian gritted his teeth. There was no arguing with Sifuu, she acted like all was well, like they weren't just sent away from their own home! She acted like he was too little, too dumb to comprehend what's going on but he knew. He heard the townsfolk talking when they thought he couldn't hear it. He saw how they looked at them now. Her momma killed the beast yet they called her a liar and now they are kicking them out of the village because they are all liars but it wasn't true! He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry but momma would not scream, she would not cry, not in front of all these pompous arseholes! He slammed some of his clothes in a bag, he knew he wasn't supposed to use the bad words but those bad people deserved it! Her momma hasn't come back yet and everyone thinks she ran away in shame but she wouldn't run away! Ever! He was grabbing random items at this point, he never had a lot of things to begin with as he preferred to be outside with Tau and his momma and you lose things outside if there is too many of them but he stopped abruptly when he realized what was in his hand this time. A little vial of gold liquid. He bit his lips. He won't cry, he wont cry.... But her tears spilled and he sniffled loudly.

- Momma .... - "She will come back" he thought, dragging a string out of one his shoes. He tied it around the neck of the vial and looped it around his neck then shoved it under his shirt. The glass was cold, cold like his pillows since her momma wasn't reading him bedtime stories anymore. - She will come back - he said now defiant as he packed full the rest of his bag. And he will wait for her wherever they have to go after leaving this dumb village!

✿

- Mother? - he poked his head through the doorway. It was a new village, they finally found one where no one knew them and everyone was nice and welcoming. Even that lady major, regardless of how much she frowned at Tau and said something about muddy beasts. Tai was not muddy! But he didn't say anything, he just wanted to finally have a home again. Now their house was small, their neighbors were far and there was a lot of chapaas - which was already bugging him especially when one tried to steal his shoe while it was still on his foot for the Dragon's sake! It's been only a few days but he finally unpacked and had the courage to talk to his mother. She wasnt sick but she was... Something was wrong with her. At the beginning of their journey she tried to talk to him but he was mad at her for leaving momma behind. Now it seemed like she was the one mad at him but....

- Mother? -he tried again because she didnt answer. This time a low voice came faintly from her and he wasn't sure if it was a "hmm?" or a groan of pain. He lifted his chin and walked into the kitchen.

- Mother are you alright? - he asked, his little hands pressed together, fingers grasping each other nervously. Sifuu slowly focused on him then reached out to ruffle his hair.

- What is even alright these days - she slurred. Hassian grew worried . There werent many bottles in front of her but by the moons, she smelled like she drunk up a whole barrel.

- I... I.. - he couldnt. He tried to walk away but Sifuu's huge hand was still on his head

- Whatsup kiddo - she asked with a sad smile. Hassian's lips curved downwards. He couldnt say anything. He opened his hands, revealing what he's been clutching onto this whole time, hoping it would miraculously solve all their problems . Sifuu's hand fell.

-I...would you... - he started again. He was so nervous but why. He knew it was always momma doing his nails. And mother did momma's. But why were his hands shaking so much...

- I ... Can't.... - Sifuu's said quietly. Hassian looked up and there was sheer panic in his mother's eyes. He never saw that expression on her face not even when a sernuk almost ran him over because he was too small and it was approaching too fast and he froze with his bow and arrow in his hands... He swallowed hard and ran out of the kitchen, slamming the bedroom door behind him. His breathing was fast, his eyes teary, his head full of thoughts but deafeningly quiet at the same time. He opened the window and threw the nail polish out far, far away through it.

Sifuu sat there, frozen. She thought she got rid of all of them, when she heard Taylin possibly died and her emotions got the best of her and she crashed all of them on a rock. Memories she tried to drown for hours came up so fast she felt dizzy all of a sudden and she had to scramble to her feet to get to the sink before she threw up violently. Tears and half tainted alcohol mixed in the bowl as she slid down to the floor, hands shaking as she wiped her mouth. Her heart was breaking from disappointing his child and knowing she will never be able to share that joy with him. Her heart was breaking from the pain this innocent and harmless action. And her heart was breaking from the loss of her wife she eventually had to accept as final.

✿

Bonus:

- Your nails.... - she reached for his hand and he instinctively crossed his arms on his chest, hiding his fingers under them. She yanked her hand back and apologized.

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ... Embarrass you? I've never seen you do your nails before.

Hassian hesitated, slowly unfurling his arms.

- No, I'm sorry - he said quietly. - I'm... Still getting used to... You. I guess. That you dont ridicule me for.. anything?

She reached for his hand to take a look at it at the fire. It was a nice evening with the moons bright and the stars winking down at them but the little gold sparkles glittered playfully much better with the embers than the natural light.

- It's lovely? And very precise - she smiled at him encouraging and Hassian relaxed a little.

- Chayne helped with the nail polish. My momma used to paint my nails and after she was .... Gone... I couldn't find the color again. Chayne helped me mix the gold powder and it's not the same but still the closest... I was always good at aiming and keeping to the lines... -he trailed off.

- It's a beautiful way remember her on her anniversary.

Hassian smiled gently, looking at his nails with distant eyes. - Thank you for being with me. Here and.. in general. I know I can be... Khm. A lot sometimes.

She smiled at him and linked their fingers together.

- I wouldn't have it any other way.

✿✿✿

Thank you for reading, if you managed to get that far. ✨

[heliads]

hi again !! person who asked about part 2 4 the benoit blanc fic here !! thank u 4 agreeing 2 write it !!

k so here's my request : it's like half a year after part 1 , and benny n the reader r solving crimes together but they're like ... super awkward with each other . they don't dislike each other , in fact they want to be closer , but r really wants a parental figure but isn't sure how to verbalize that and benoit jus does NOT know how 2 parent.

but then when they r on a case , r gets hurt ( not 2 serious , but enough 2 be scary ) , and benoit realizes how much he actually cares about this kid . n then they have a really sweet moment n decide 2 try n get closer ?

thank you so much !! i'm super excited 2 read this !!

anything for benny

part one / masterlist

Benoit Blanc is lost. Usually, this is not enough to trouble him. Problems are only worthwhile if they take some time to parse out. Benoit has no fondness for pointless mysteries, games in which the end is clear from the beginning and the middle has no value at all. He has always preferred to amble along and seek out clues. That is his best method of solving, it always has been.

It is a confounded issue, then, that Benoit is lost now. He is not in the midst of a crime, nor locked within the confines of a good hoax. He is between jobs at the moment, which usually means that his problem-solving fingers should cease to twitch at his sides, that he would no longer be ready to reach for a hint that will let him catch a killer.

Benoit’s problem at the moment regards his apprentice. He took on a teenager to help him with his cases about six months back, Y/N L/N. They’ve been an excellent aid, no cause for concern there, but Benoit’s judgment is faulty in where he is meant to draw the line between work friend and real friend. Typically, he never runs into this problem because he keeps each case to itself with no overlap whatsoever. By bringing Y/N with him, he now has someone closer than an acquaintance.

The issue is that Benoit would like to go about making their dynamic a little less stilted but he has absolutely no idea how to do it. There are moments when he’s certain that Y/N would appreciate a little parental guidance, for a lack of a better word, but Benoit is few things and one of them is certainly not a father. Thus, he is left grappling with how to indicate that he would like to try having a more central role in Y/N’s life with absolutely no idea how to do it.

Benoit took the idea to Phillip a month or so back to limited success. His partner had been focused on the intricacies of some blasted sourdough starter, his attention more in line with tossing flour to the heavens and whatnot. Benoit had posed the concern of what to do with the L/N kid. Phillip had allowed him to ramble on during the feeding time of the sourdough starter, which was consistently scheduled as if it were some kind of beast in need of a kilogram or ten of raw meat.

Benoit cannot fault his partner for the importance of the sourdough, however. They all need a task, some project in which to throw their focus and only withdraw some time later, wholly spent and perhaps a different man. Phillip finds his outlet with baking. Benoit does so with the lives of other people. 

Some would consider that to be a sign of their true characters, but Benoit tries to prioritize the people above the thrill of the hunt. That, in the end, is what he feels separates him from the gaudy treasure-seekers of podcasts and true crime shows. Although he does feel that he would make a superb advice host if the chance ever came along. Phillip has yet to catch on to the idea, but Benoit is giving it time.

The conversation was brief but sincere. Phillip had dashed about a cup of flour into the ominous bowl of starter, then turned to him with a sigh.

“You’re getting in your own way,” he had said simply.

Benoit had spread his hands. “Obviously, but how do I get out of my own way? It is difficult, sometimes, to find one’s path long enough to step aside and let the truth rush forward. Sort of like a child who’s just taken off their training wheels. They can go fast, of course, and wreak havoc throughout the suburbs, but, Lord, they should not be allowed to do so.”

Phillip raised a weary brow. “In this case, I don’t think the issue is that you shouldn’t be able to go fast. You just are afraid to let go of your inhibitions. They’re a kid, Blanc, not a piranha. Although God knows you’d rather investigate a piranha than deal with this.”

“It would be interesting to figure out how a piranha had managed to cross my path,” Benoit had mused. “That isn’t the point, though.”

“No,” Phillip said around another sigh, “it isn’t. You need to find the proper time, then tell Y/N what you expect, plain and simple. There’s no other way around there.”

Phillip was right, as expected. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the advice Benoit had wanted to hear. He would have preferred something along the lines of ‘don’t worry about it, how about you go take another case’ or even ‘wait for them to come to you,’ but life is hardly fair.

“Thank you,” Benoit had said at last, “and for goodness’ sake, stop pointing that spatula at me. I’m going to do it. No threatening necessary.”

Phillip had disagreed on that point, but that was hardly a surprise. Benoit had gone to bed that night wondering how he was going to find the right chance to explain his expectations for the situation between himself and Y/N. In the morning, he woke with a blessing.

Handwritten letters have long been Benoit’s favorite way of hearing about a new case. Typically, he can figure out half the evidence just from studying the correspondence. Is the information scribbled in a hasty scrawl or typed out to avoid giving anything away? Do they mention his prior cases from the papers, and if so, which ones? Are the stamps perfectly organized, the product of a great time for leisure, or slapped on the envelope just before the mailman came?

This letter is no exception. Already, Benoit has a few ideas percolating in his brain even before he starts reading the message. This is a call to arms, to be certain. A murder. A weapon. Several innocents all in the line of fire. An inheritance, ready to fall into the wrong hands. Yes, this is a case for him without a doubt.

Benoit explains the situation to Y/N when she comes back from school in the evening. They discuss initial motives, then agree to respond back in a most reasonable fashion. The police investigations start Saturday, so they’ll arrive early in the morning in the hopes of reaching the family before too much has happened.

The car is studiously quiet on the drive over to the crime scene. A few times, Benoit or Y/N will attempt to bring up a casual source of conversation, but they always seem to lose their nerve before true discourse can occur. Something will happen to make them hesitate, and then the ball is dropped and they’re back to silence.

Benoit is grateful to see the address of the crime scene before long, sparing them from another few unsuccessful endeavors. Half an hour later, they’re so lost in the tangled threads of this particular mystery that they don’t have much time to trouble themselves over small things like whether or not this whole apprenticeship deal was worth it.

By Saturday evening, Benoit feels that he’s got a pretty good hold on the case itself. It seems to be your typical run-of-the-mill inheritance snatch. A primary character is established, the man who would receive the largest cut of a will. They’re then framed for murder, thus ensuring that the bounty will instead fall to the second-in-line, a brother-in-law who only married into the family in the hopes of collecting this sort of bloody check. Very satisfying.

Sunday morning rolls around. After a final late night check with Y/N to make sure their facts are in order, the pair feels ready to present their findings to the police and distraught family. Benoit, always excited at the possibility of an audience, leads with his theory and watches the brother-in-law’s face twist with horror as he realizes he’s been exposed.

All is going according to plan, or at least it has been until the brother-in-law stands up and announces that he isn’t going quietly. The money has already been transferred to his account, much of it withdrawn, and he can live off of it for quite some time. The murderer moves to flee, but when the police start to block his path, he does the unthinkable and grabs Y/N as a hostage.

Benoit has no choice but to watch as the murderer leaves the house, gun pressed to Y/N’s temple as a guarantee that he’s going to remain untroubled. Benoit has been involved in quite a few murder cases over his time, and is no stranger to danger, but this is something altogether different. He is terrified, plain and simple. Terrified that he’ll lose his crime-solving partner before even a year has passed. Terrified that he’ll never get that chance Phillip was talking about.

It occurs to him now that Benoit needs that chance more than anything. If he does not speak with Y/N about the fact that he wants them to be better friends, to rely on each other more than the stilted dynamic they have going on right now, he will carry that regret to his grave.

It is good, then, that Benoit and Y/N had factored in the fact that the murderer would try to run and planned accordingly. The brother-in-law’s car only makes it halfway down the street before the tires abruptly give out and the vehicle screeches to a stop. Y/N was evidently waiting for that moment, because they fling open the door and dive out without a second’s hesitation.

Benoit sprints to their side, pulling them away from the car and towards safety. The police surround the car, and after a few tense seconds the brother-in-law comes out with his hands raised. Benoit only starts to relax once the killer is in handcuffs and he knows for certain that the situation is in the hands of the law.

He turns to Y/N at last, checking for signs of damage. “Are you hurt?” He asks, frantic.

Y/N shakes their head. “No, I’m alright. Just startled, that’s all.”

“You’re a brave kid,” Benoit manages, “I don’t know that many people who would be this unruffled after being taken as a hostage. It speaks to your character. It also reminds me how affected I would be if something worse had happened. You’re not a stranger, Y/N, you’re a friend. I’d like for us to believe in that.”

Y/N starts to smile. “More than normal?”

“Far more than normal,” Benoit confirms, “millions of miles beyond that point. The best partnerships are based on trust. I trust you, Y/N.”

“I trust you,” they respond, “that’s why I was alright. I knew that no matter what happened, even if the tire thing didn’t work out, you’d look for me.”

“You didn’t need me, though,” Benoit argues, “you had the situation handled just fine. You were courageous all by yourself and I am quite impressed by that.”

Y/N shakes their head. “I could be brave because I knew you were there. I trust you.”

“Alright,” Benoit says at last, “we’re good, then.”

“We’re great,” Y/N confirms.

Benoit thinks that he’s going to have to talk to Phillip about this. The plan has gone quite well indeed.

part one requested by @starlit-epiphany, your ideas are very popular around here

knives out taglist: empty for now!

[t1meslayer]

Busy with important family events over the next couple of days, and so I thought it would be good to get a day-and-date release for this Debrief on the latest entry in my Sapphic Valley series, "How You Get The Girl." Be sure to read the story before jumping in!

Did you do it? Did you read the story?

Alright, I'm trusting you. Go ahead and hit that 'Keep Reading' button you scamp.

It only seems appropriate to start this Debrief off by addressing the elephant in the room. I haven't posted anything in over a month, and "By Moonlight" came about a month after its predecessor, the conclusion to "Stone-Cold Lovers."

Work, naturally, has been a major factor.

You can see me talk about that almost two weeks ago in this Tumblr post I made about writing in a coffee shop, which came weeks after I actually started writing during a trip to a friend's house.

===

Side note:

Just wanted to take a moment and acknowledge my beautiful Haley and Emily keychains. My friend who's responsible for the affairs of one ghostly farmer named Jizzabelle (Gisabelle to the laymen) got them for me! Only appropriate after I commissioned some art of her and Abigail.

Emily was my first Stardew wife, and Haley currently holds the biggest place in my heart. They make a lovely duo!

And I'll avoid any sister-wife jokes

===

While I've had some other projects like Zine writing to take care of, work and life can't explain the full absence.

The best way I can think to explain things is that:

I had the general writer's block, and

Despite the best intentions and advice of my irl friends and online pals like @alchemicallymoon and @duelbraids, I couldn't force myself to "break" that block by just... Writing something else.

This is entirely the result of my own psychosis. I have a tendency to carefully plot things out and impose a timetable that really doesn't need to exist. When I feel the cause is righteous enough, it's hard to get around that. In this case, I knew I needed to get my poll-winning idea out after dawdling for holidays like Valentine's Day, and then I knew I only wanted to post one more story before jumping on a very special event for my upcoming 30th AO3 post.

Thus, here we are: arbitrarily forcing myself into a spiral of writer's block misery because of a silly promise on Tumblr and my own sense of ordered chaos.

At the very least, this meant it's coming out not long after my AO3 pal InsertACatchyPennameHere also emerged from the woodwork to tell me they're working on something INSPIRED by my four-person friend group farm adaptations.

Much love to them, wherever they may be.

I'll probably start writing more eclectically now that my shoulders are unweighed, but don't expect my next publication to hit until I'm finished working on teasing the big event. All you Pokemon fans better get hype!

And oh how sweet this publication feels. Between my great set of recent ceramics, the figure drawing class I've been attending, and creative writing, I've felt more fulfilled than ever.

You're here to talk about Stardew, though. So let us talk.

This idea began less with any one event as it did a desire to advance the Alexis/Haley relationship, and Haley's characterization in particular. It was always going to end with watercolor painting reference, but 2 Willow Lane was what I really wanted to dig into.

As I see it, a lot of what keeps people invested in Stardew when its comfy vibes becoming routine is the air of mystery in Eric Barone's worldbuilding. Haley and Emily's parents being some world-traveling duo who left their home in the siblings' care for who knows how long (and who knows how many times over their lifetime) really piqued my interest. So much so that the new writing challenge I set for myself in "How You Get The Girl" was crafting a particularly long set of descriptions that emphasize how overwhelming the parents' influence feels — without creating an impenetrable wall of text.

Hopefully I succeeded in that. Let me know!

I tried to include some vaguely real world-adjacent references into that description of the house, as happens with the magical-realism world of Stardew Valley. For example:

The computer sitting next to their bonsai tree is an iMac G3, the kind of old 'futuristic' tech that my dad loves!

A Speedwell refrigerator is based on even more vintage tech, the Mayflower fridge, but named after a different ship ridden by Pilgrims coming to America.

That city that the family visited in an old photograph with a "monument of arching, interlocking steel" is, of course, Paris — with the statue bookends referencing any number of statues in the Louvre.

Haley's FAD magazine could be referencing any number of publications, but Vogue is probably the closest analogue to what I imagine her reading.

Furthermore, I took some notes on describing the home's layout off of my sister's apartment building, and I asked my bestie @trybard for input on what kind of hanging plant should be used in the transitional hallway. Hanging pothos, philodendron, and spider plants were the three options provided, and my response was appropriate:

They know so much about plants.

Go bug them about it.

I drew on other friends' knowledge to help decorate the house. Specifically, I asked one of my witchiest friends what kinds of protective wards someone like Emily would leave around doorways and windows. She had... A lot of reference material.

I picked Hazel given it purportedly "protects against evil; encourages abundance and inspiration." I also picked Amethyst as one of Emily's loved gifts, one that purportedly "absorbs negative energy, promotes harmony."

My witchy friend is the same one who provided the TikTok that I referenced in my advertisement post:

Perhaps the most important thing about 2 Willow Lane was the recurring motif of Barbie's Dream House.

As a surface-level reference, I think the groundwork is clear. Blondie's love of fashion and general queen bee demeanor fits comparisons to Barbie well, and she lives in a big ol' house full of stuff. We all saw Greta Gerwig's Barbie movie last year. It's still in the cultural zeitgeist.

I'm hip with the kids.

Yet, early on I also tried to make it clear that if this is a "dream" house, it's neither Haley's nor Emily's dream. Haley is a Barbie in that stereotypical sense, but also there's much to be mined from the analogy of a sort of powerless doll in an immutable house, constrained by social obligation to her family rather than literal plastic and stickers.

The cold open of Jodi and Sam was meant to stand alone, but in execution I also think drawing Kent's absence into the conversation makes for a more thematically rich comparison to these sisters who appear to have themselves more put together.

My beta reader said this wound up being one of my stronger stories because of how all of that intertwined, which I appreciated given how down on myself I was following the whole writer's block thing.

But also.

Also.

Alexis gets to be horny. She's hitting on lonely MILFs and watching girls shake their asses to the tune of bad reality TV.

We love a buff dommy mommy farm girl in this house.

Haley is probably horny too, she just doesn't realize it yet. For now I think it's fun enough to play into her being coy about building excuses for Alexis to come over, and then getting incensed when Emily barges in on their private time meant to learn more about this farm girl she just can't get out of her head.

===

Fun fact:

Every story in this series is named after a Taylor Swift song, but I know next-to nothing about her discography. All of them are suggestions by my friend whose house I was at when starting this story — the same one who controls Gardenia on the farm.

While I went with "How You Get The Girl," her alternative suggestion was "The Man."

===

All that w|w talk aside, I also want to give Sam the loveable idiot a shoutout. Had to do a fair bit of research into how skateboards are constructed for his failed ollie, and I slipped in a reference to shitty old technology that's exclusively for my beta reader to enjoy.

I also tried doing some agricultural research to figure out how the folks at Kevin Farm could have grown cucumbers so there'd be a jar of legitimate pickles... But that was getting too in the weeds.

Insert laugh track here

Decided to just go with pickled artichoke hearts to save everyone a lot of trouble.

And where does "Kevin Farm" come from, you may be asking yourself. Or the fabulous "Kevin's Special" with its definitely not innuendo tagline.

That story will have to wait for another day, my friends.

[clinically-not-straight]

I think banksy isn't a particularly great person in regards to what he has shown me about art and design stuff. Like, sure he made it to the top from being a street artist/graffitist, cool as shit, love to see a guy winning. Less of a fan of the bit where he started pretty much just making cool looking stuff for rich people and not being a graffitist.

This isn't me saying he shouldn't have changed or progressed; good for him, etc. I am saying his work has became gentrified. See, Banksy was a graffitist, like that guy that lives near you that draws dicks on bins or the one that did a really good spray of a cartoon character at your local skatepark. Now, that is illegal, even in most skateparks, and i wouldn't care about that if it wasn't the reason for my first issue.

So, if you get seen graffiti-ing you get arrested or whatever, even if you're on a public wall where people are allowed to, because nobody knows that those are a thing half the time and assume you're a criminal (not that I'd care if you were). After you make your shit its not over still because now you get chucked into this lot of people that are considered vandals because they dared to draw something on a wall, you're now in the same lot of people that smash up bus stops for no reason, isn't that fair?

Now, banksy is banksy so he doesn't get that same treatment. He gets praised for it, and his work get protected, unlike most graffiti. So now just he is allowed to graffiti shit, him and his team, apparently there are a few of him now. But at least that's the end of it, at least he's just some guy that is allowed to graffiti because he transcended the law, good on him.

Anyway, its not just that, number 2 is he is gentrification incarnate. People started protecting the areas his work was on and selling it and shit (I don't quite remember the details of that, but apparently people tried to sell the walls themselves)

(From my stupid fucking friend, luv u bby)

So he's a lil bit corporate, but that can't be on prupose right? Like, you wouldn't just make artwork that vaguely gestures toward having some kind of meaning whilst not addressing said thing that the meaning should address, right? You wouldn't use vagueness as a means of making something palatable to corporate fucks whilst also removing any depth to it, right?

Banksy come on man.

I can imagin that bouquet as a pepsi can and it has more meaning there. The satire, underlying message, just a bit of the funny.

The vagueness of it all really serves as a nice mask for it. This came from a thing that says "Banksy advocates for peace" what peace? Where? In regards to what? That looks like a rioter; it seems like the government pissed people off a bit too much and the rioter is reacting adequately. The headlining plus the image make it seem like Banksy is calling rioter out for being violent, but I'll put it down to the headline being a headline. Here's another:

See now because I know my deal with recycling and stuff I can say this is about microplastics and how melting plastic for recycling isn't great still because of the fumes and shit, and I think that's great. But let's be real here, what is it actually saying? Its probably more along the lines of "man, things are kinda bad, but this kid has childlike wonder so he doesn't notice. You are the kid and you don't see the bad" or something like that.

But maybe its not and maybe he's being genuine. Maybe plastic being thrown into our atmosphere is a big deal to him. I want to see it as that, so I'm gonna, I think.

Don't those fences look a bit oddly placed though? Round the sides of the graffiti, them ones... well that leads me onto an entirely new point.

What is graffiti?

According to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language one definition is "a form of vandalism involving painting, text or images in public spaces"

So the crime thing from the start, yeah whatever, you already mentioned that dipshit.

So what the fuck is this headline then? Is banksy's art not graffiti? When does it become socially acceptable art? Isn't it a thing in graffiti that we're aware nothing is permanent so that's why people draw over others' shit? Why can't we play by his rules and draw too? That doesn't seem fair.

You know, I've saw things about banksy's work getting done in an alley once, there was a layer of plastic added onto it so that people wouldn't vandalise the vandalism. Apparently passing graffiti artists would piss on it as they went by. Again, apparently, I cannot find where I saw that but its incredibly funny.

But note that headline, "Banksy Art in Folkestone Vandalised by Graffiti." Where is the cut off point here? Why is that one art and the other is graffiti? Why does Banksy's get called art and the others get called vandalism? To clarify, Banksy's work, because of how known and unknown he and his team are, is called art, without question from news sources and headlines and shit. Yes, I do remember there was initially a whole thing about him just being some guy, but now he's celebrated for it, and that's what I'm drawing attention to here.

Even the BBC addresses it, his work is something that should be considered vandalism but isn't. Someone liked it, then rich people started picking up on it and now people have tried selling walls because of it.

So maybe this isn't so much a comment on Banksy...

Arguably, to me at least, this is more of a comment on the audience his work has garnered. Do I think his work is bad? No, actually. In fact, even if the symbolism or imagery means little to me in some places, I'd argue they're really good, I know what I'm thinking of when I think of his work and for such a reason, they stick. The colour usage is fine, the stencils used are probably ones he cut himself, he's home-made. It's all not that bad.

The issue is simply the audience it has gained. A large proportion of it are people that hate graffiti but love banksy, a graffiti artist; already you can see the issue. Most of them are little rich weirdos that love graffiti as long as its up to a certain standard and isn't on their property, then they can have it phoographed and put on a canvas in their house, on their wall, in their property... you can see the point I'm getting at with the sort of people I see enjoying his work.

I do think his work wouldn't garner the same audience if it weren't the way it were. The rioter with a bouquet for example; you can see it as a call for peace, which is incredibly shallow and is blaming somebody that has been dicked over by the system, as many people would, especially with the piece being out there in public for everyone; you can alternatively make the comparison the bouquet throwing mirrors the throwing of flowers n shit at the end if races, a congratulation for being remembered as a tyrant or whatever. But because the piece, to my knowledge, has not had much meaning applied to it explicitly, by banksy, then the public makes the meaning, and the public has decided its a call for peace.

Simply put, banksy is not necessarily a bad artist but the audience that decides on the worth of his work aren't great in discerning a message from art. We know war is bad, we know our government is fucking us, but I'm sure you can come up with something more creative than that.

Fucking sick that Banksy got where he is, he somehow beat the law and is loved for it, came up from nothing, and is still pretty much unknown. Love that for him. I just think his audience could use some work.

Oh yeah and he's from Bristol which is unacceptable.

[rollercoasterwords]

I feel like an interesting thing about remus and sirius dynamic in the wfrau is that they're not really that different, it just is kind of convenient that the cause remus works for happens to be the moral highground, bc rlly what other choice does he have when he was forced into prostitution before them. like the order, despite the sacrifices he has to make, is literally the best place for him: he gets a purpose, friends, food and shelter, and a life beyond anything he could have on his own. idk this could be a TOTAL misread of his character, and since we've been looking through sirius' eyes its natural to want to sympathise with him more, but it would be a lot more of a cost for sirius to abandon his life and join some (in the shadows)(LARGELY unsuccessful) rebellion where he could easily be found out and killed/tortured gruesomely. Remus admits himself that he's prideful ("But his pride—that’s the one thing that’s always remained his own.") and he obviously looks down on sirius a lot for the life he lives, but I feel like at the end of the day they both just want to a) avoid suffering/protect themselves and b) protect the people they care about, and they both only have one place to turn to to do both of those things, and remus' just happens to be morally superior to sirius'.

correct me on this if you think I've misread remus (cause hes v complex obviously) or the worldbuilding, and not to understate that sirius is doing bad things and remus is (trying) to do good things, and that it is possible to escape the life sirius has (regulus did, apparently), but idk I just wanted to try and tell what makes their dynamic so interesting.

oooh such a fun analysis for me 2 read!! v interesting 2 see how other people interpret the things i write etc. before i respond tho i feel like i need 2 put a little disclaimer that like, i believe in death of the author etc such that i don't think my interpretation/intent should necessarily be taken as inherently more valuable, bc once a work like this is shared ik there are going 2 be varied ways of reading + interpreting it, and i don't want 2 encourage anyone 2 approach stories like this as if there is one Ultimate Correct Interpretation drawn from the writer's intent that u need 2 find, etc.

that being said, i'm happy 2 share my own interpretations + the thinking + intent behind what i've written thus far! think this is gonna get long so i'm gonna put a cut tho lol

so i definitely see the parallels ur drawing between remus + sirius both joining the organizations they joined due in part to coercive conditions outside their control as well as seemingly sharing some core motivations. however i'm not sure i would go as far as you have in saying that their situations are essentially the same and remus just ended up on the "right side" (to paraphrase)

first off - while i see where your take on remus is coming from, keep in mind that at this point in the fic we don't actually know anything about how or why he joined the order. i do have a backstory in mind regarding how exactly he started working with them, and it might not necessarily align with ur interpretation here. don't want to spoil too much, but i will say that remus's choice to join the order was a choice. it wasn't just a matter of having no other options.

something i specifically wanna put pressure on with ur reading is the idea that he was "forced into prostitution" before joining--it seems like ur interpretation of why remus joined the order is that he did it to escape sex work. but keep in mind that remus joining the order resulted in him "selling himself" in a much more dangerous and violent way--he joined the fighting rings + began risking his life every month as well as killing and maiming his fellow werewolves. we know, from his pov, that this is not something he would have done were it not for the order mission; it's reasonable to conclude that remus himself would have preferred sex work to becoming a fighter in the rings, but did so anyway for a larger goal. i'd encourage you to reflect, here, on whether you have a more visceral emotional reaction to the thought of remus "selling himself" as a sex worker versus "selling himself" as a ring fighter--whether the former strikes you as inherently more debasing, more abject, more likely to warrant a desire to "escape." if so, i'd encourage you to reflect on why that might be, and how it affects the way you think of sex work and sex workers. additionally, we know that his involvement with the order did eventually require him to engage in sex work again--so the idea that he joined the order to escape sex work isn't really something that i'm trying to get at in my writing.

also, getting back to the idea that remus was "forced into prostituion"--again, i wanna step back here and ask u 2 reflect a bit on what your choice of phrasing there might say about the underlying associations you have with sex work that might be influencing your reading. my intent in writing remus's backstory with sex work was not to give the impression that he was an abject victim forced by powers beyond his control into sex work as his only option. rather, it was to portray him as a character who is constrained, yes, by the forces that oppress him--specifically, the government that bars him from using magic, accessing stable work, accessing accommodations for his condition, fails to provide any social safety nets, operates + sustains itself on unfair labor conditions which require an exploited class of laborers, etc. but within those constraints i specifically wrote in that remus does have other options; he has, in the past, found other types of work, and there are, of course, the fighting rings or any other number of illegal methods by which he could try to obtain money. remus weighs those other options and chooses to turn to sex work because it seems like his best choice; whether that's because he thinks it will offer him the most control, or the most money, or the most security--it doesn't matter. what matters is that all his options are equally constrained by his oppression, all come with their own pitfalls and humiliations and degrees of exploitation. mysticizing sex work as somehow inherently more abject than the others is...not really what i was going for. that's part of why i wrote about his experiences with it--including experiences that might be viewed by some as grave violations--in a purposefully casual way. for remus, his body has always been an exploited object; sex work is not something he would have felt the need to "escape," from, because he chose to do it, and it's at least a way to make use of his marginalization by exploiting the fact that his condition is made into a fetish. it doesn't mean he's not aware of the coercion involved in his choice--maybe if his father hadn't been so sick and he hadn't needed cash fast for medicine he would have made a different decision, but there likely would have always come a point where he needed money fast and his dad wasn't able to act as the breadwinner anymore. remus has always been very aware that his options in life are limited.

all this is to say, remus's decision to join the order is not something done out of desperation because he thinks his life will be better with them--it's done specifically with a broader political goal in mind. and this is a significant reason for his disdain for sirius. because remus isn't just trying to survive, to protect himself and his loved ones--he and his loved ones are risking their lives every day in service of their ideals, to fight for change. the fact that sirius, who is so much more privileged than remus has ever been, only joined the death eaters because he was forced to is not something that really wins points with remus. it shifts his view of sirius, sure, to know that he doesn't like...delight in serving voldemort and has enough of a conscience to feel guilty about what he does. but remus still disdains a person who would harm others to save their own skin--it's just that sirius is a coward, not a sadist.

and remus doesn't really know or understand how the drive to protect regulus was bound up with sirius rising through the death eater ranks. he's only had glimpses into sirius's home life and his relationship with his brother, and he honestly isn't going around trying to dig up explanations about any of it--he would much rather continue viewing sirius as a contemptible, cowardly death eater than change his perspective, because sirius literally embodies the forces of oppression that have been hurting remus since he was a child, along with his loved ones.

and then the last major difference i'd point out between their joining of their respective organizations is that sirius does benefit, in many tangible ways, from joining the death eaters. like--remus joining the order is mostly just putting his neck on the line and a target on his back, though he does of course benefit from obtaining a community and friends and support in many ways. but in the larger systems of power at play here, remus joining the order only marginalizes him further, when he was already marginalized.

sirius, on the other hand, gains power from becoming a feared and respected death eater. obviously, he suffers many personal injuries and hardships and would not choose to join them had he been given a choice. but he does, in some ways, enjoy the power he obtains from his status. he enjoys his wealth and the comfort it brings. he enjoys it when he's able to accrue enough power to go off and play rebel in small ways that allow him to grasp onto the illusion that he's not given in totally to these people who he knows are corrupt, when he's able to make himself virtually untouchable by the vast majority of people. for sirius, most of his hardship and struggle is internal, emotional, and though he, too, has suffered and been marginalized in some ways by larger systems of power, when offered an avenue to take advantage of those systems of power it's not as if he hated every part of the ride to the top. yeah, he was forced to join the death eaters because he was a kid whose parents wanted to make sure their heir didn't end up a faggot. and that was incredibly traumatic. but his joining the death eaters did not actually marginalize him--it granted him access to a lot of power. and this is something remus is acutely aware of, and another reason that, from his perspective, it's difficult to just feel sorry for sirius.

anyway, you're not wrong that there are definitely parallels between them, but i'd say when it comes to the organizations they're each working for an important difference is that remus actually believes in what his organization is fighting for, while sirius sort of knows that what voldemort's doing is wrong but ignores it and remains complicit.

[peacefulworld2003feelthegroove]

STOP!

Before engaging with toxic, bad faith online discourse...

S.U.I.T U.P

S - Self Regulate. Ask yourself if emotion based arguments are swaying you in ways that go against fact before you even understand the argument. (Ex, fear campaigns. "You're in danger!")

U - Understand the Issue. Gain a basic understanding of the situation without the bias of emotional non facts. (Ex: Oh, this is an argument about freedom of expression and where to draw that line.)

I - Interact. Interact with the issue civily with well meaning and professional acting people who can present the issue in a way that is unbiased. This is often required, as either side may describe themself wildly different than the opposition. (Ex. Guest 1: resegragating ourselves is necessary to return to a world pre-colonialization, racism is already too established into society for anyone to thrive. Guest 2: coming together and mixing as a culture is the only way we can avoid racism, as having no or limited contact to other cultures and races will amplify racism and exposure to other people being normal noncharicatures is a good way to eliminate a racist mindset. You: ok, thank you for your opinions everyone.)

T - Time Out. Separate yourself from external influence (go outside, take a shower, go to the store. Etc.) And contemplate YOUR place in the discussion. (Ex: bodily autonomy is important to me, because I am queer.)

U - Understand the Issue. (2) After meditating on the issue, reach an independent understanding based on your own self questioning. (Ex: People being nonbinary does not actually attack me, I shouldn't have an issue with what other people identify as, even if I do not have the experience myself.)

P - Prepare for Future Change. Your opinion may not always stay where it is now after careful understanding. Do not make major life changes in ways that could backfire and harm you due to your belief. (Ex: Surrounding yourself with people who define the opinion as the difference between having the right to live or not, people who partake in doxxing and harassment campaigns, placing the trust of your home or funding into the hands of people who only value you as a member of a opinion community.)

Not SUITed UP? Admit to yourself when you have to retreat. It does not mean you are stupid or immature to admit you don't know enough to feel comfortable discussing something. Come back to handle the topic later when you've SUIT UP! (Ex: sorry, I don't feel like I understand this enough to say anything... I will do what I can to understand it better but I don't want to make uneducated decisions.)

[psicostyles]

Loving me takes patience

PART FOUR

Hello everyone, i know no one cares buttttt...here is the fourth part nobody asked fo but its here anyway! its shorter than usual but yeah, the dark days has come.

Hope you like :D

read the previous ones: part one, part two, part three

*

After last week, Harry and Rebecca went out almost every day for lunch. They always talked about everything and nothing at the same time. Harry was always talking about Cassie. Rebecca could see the sparkle in his eyes, he was in love with his daughter. It was apparent he was a good father. Rebecca always asked about Cassie.

Harry liked to show her Cassie's drawings she did at kindergarten, talked about their play dates, and how he loved a "to-do list" so he could organize himself and how busy his schedule was. Rebecca was kind of amazed. Harry on the other hand was afraid of pushing too hard on his dad's side to the point where Rebecca could not get interested in him because of his lifestyle. Oh, if he only knew what was going on in her head, just in a few days, Harry somehow set a hurricane of emotions on her.

On Monday after work, Harry called his mom when he needed her the most. Cassie was with her mom spending the week, so he did not have anyone he could talk to - he wasn't the type of ''Oh I've so many friends" guy. So Harry dialled his mom's number and on the third ring, he said "Mom, there's this woman at work, we are friends and she is so...pretty mom! She is funny and smart, like so smart! But I'm so afraid of getting close to someone, you know? But...Cassie is the first and only priority in my life, I can't start thinking about being with someone, besides I don't even know if that's what I want and also, I don't even know if she has a partner, you know? I'm so afraid of being with someone who will leave me again, I can't allow anyone to hurt Cassie and me. I'm just so confused. Call me when you hear this, okay? I love you, mom" As we can see, the call went straight to voicemail. Harry decided it would be better to go to sleep.

The next day Harry woke up at his usual time, took a shower, had breakfast, and went to his Saturday morning run. His earphones were blasting in his ears. Believe me, Heavy Metal Rock wasn't his thing, but it seemed like he needed the beat to relieve the tension he didn't even know he was holding up. With every step as faster as the other, he ran and ran.

When he got home, he had another shower to clean all the sweat covering his body. Cassie is still over at her mom's. Harry took the opportunity to have a day to himself and his delayed duties. He cleaned the house, did the laundry, folded their clothes, and made a delicious lunch. In the afternoon, he called Cassie to see her pretty little face and have a little chat. Cassie was doing fine and playing by the pool the whole week since it was summer season and the weather was pretty steamy.

Harry was relaxing on the couch when his phone rang with a new message

"Hey, are you free tonight? "

It was Rebecca's name on the screen.

"Hello, yes I'm. Why?"

"Karaoke night uh! R u in?"

Harry smiled immediately typing

"Sure. Text me the address"

Rebecca replied that he was parking in front of a Korean bar full of people coming in and out in thirty minutes. Harry got in and spotted Rebecca with a few people. When their eyes met, Rebecca yelled his name so he followed his path to her. Rebecca introduced him to her friends; they got along very well.

Rebecca's best friend named Cristina started to chat with him, as a best friend role, she told him all the embarrassing moments they had together. After all the confraternization, karaoke time was finally beginning. 

They booked a booth just for them to enjoy. Rebecca felt comfortable around them, I dare to say.  All of them were half drunk by now. It's been two hours since Rebecca got there, also dare to say, she was far from being sober. A little tipsy maybe or half drunk, half sober. Well, we can't tell. Harry ran his eyes into the room looking at everyone, especially Rebecca. The way she hides her face when she laughs,  how she moves her hands while talking and mostly how pretty she looks under the colourful lights in the room. 

It hit him right in the stomach, he already knew of course, but either way...hit hard. Harry was falling in love.

Fast. 

*

anyway...tell me what you think and if you want to be tagged next time :D

feedbacks are always welcome!

see you soon and happy new year to everyone!