#had a breakup conversation with a soft caring character | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

therenlover · 3 years

Text

Would The Danny Bunch Survive A Holiday With My Family?

A/n: In the wake of recent life garbage, I have neglected to write a whole fic, and I’m sorry. In the interim, please enjoy this writing exercise I have put together in the hopes of nailing some characters I haven’t written for in the past in time for a larger project I’m working on! Cheers!

Characters: Laszlo Kreizler, Alex Kerner, Niki Lauda, Andrea Marowski, Ernst Schmidt, and Helmut Zemo

Rating: T

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Mild Misogyny, Mentions of Alcohol/Alcoholism, Mentions of Mental Illness, Non-Graphic Mentions of Death, Minor Spoilers for The Alienist Season One, Minor Spoilers for Goodbye, Lenin!, Spoilers for Rush (2013), Minor Spoilers for The Cloverfield Paradox maybe??? I haven’t actually seen the whole movie, blame Wikipedia if things are wrong.

Laszlo Kreizler

As the first of all of the Dannys to be put through the ringer, Laszlo Kreizler unfortunately would not survive a holiday with my family.

First of all, this man does not like massive huggy kissy crowds, so he’d already be off his game the second he walked into the packed house. That’s not why he’d die though, surprisingly.

His downfall would be his status as an Alienist.

There is simply so much mental illness and childhood trauma present at my family holidays that he would combust within 15 minutes of sitting in a room with all of my relatives.

Even if he were to somehow make it past the introductory phase, my family is nosey as hell, so they’d be grilling him about his arm and his own childhood trauma within the first hour.

Laszlo, for all of his strength, simply wouldn’t be able to withstand it.

His death wouldn’t come from the initial combustion though. No, it’s not that simple.

Knowing Laszlo, once he had combusted and entirely lost his composure the first time, he would become extremely intrigued about the interconnected nature of everyones issues with each other and he would start asking questions.

That’s where the problems would begin.

Because it’s one thing if my drunk great aunt starts badmouthing her sister at the table for abandoning her 90 year old mother for a lake house with her new boyfriend. That’s fine.

But when Laszlo hops in and starts picking apart the mommy issues and underlying reasons for their decades long sibling rivalry?

Oh it would be over for him.

The yelling would never end.

And, I have no doubt that Laszlo would start to psychoanalyze whoever started to yell at him, which would only lead to more yelling.

In the end, someone would throw a probably full and probably fresh out of the oven casserole dish at his head and he’d be unable to defend himself because of his weak arm.

We’d have to cart him out in a wheelchair and even if he were to technically survive, he’d never come back.

Therefor, Laszlo Kreizler would fall victim to my family and die before we even got to dessert.

Alex Kerner

YES

Ah, little baby Alex! A great contender here for holiday survival.

He seems relatively young in comparison to most of the Dannys on this list, though I don’t actually know how old he’s supposed to be.

Based on his relative youth, he would automatically get points with the fam for not seeming like a creep or sugar daddy. Instead, he could be just about any dude I brought home from college.

His skillset as a semi-skilled laborer would also earn him some points, seeing as several members of the family are in similar professions.

Alex might get lost in some of the more complex conversations about the local organic scene or the fine details of running a fine art gallery, but he would fit right in with the majority of the younger members of the family, smiling and nodding his way through the conversation.

His enthusiasm and optimism would brighten the room and leave everyone excited to see him around again.

There’s also the semi-small detail of him caring for his mother, which would earn sympathy from the older members of the family as they are in charge of caring for my deaf, blind great grandmother.

Now, all of these aspects have already set Alex up for a successful survival of a holiday dinner with my family, but the real secret weapon he has up his sleeve is what really cements him in place as a survivor.

What is his secret weapon, you may ask?

Lies.

Alex Kerner is really, really good at lying, and is even better at figuring out increasingly convoluted ways to keep his lies straight.

If he managed to hide to fuckin’ Berlin Wall coming down from his mother for as long as he did, he could keep a couple of white lies up for appearances if he was asked any potentially embarrassing or weird questions that would make him look bad.

He could also lie about enjoying my great aunt’s cooking, which is a vital skill for holiday survival in my family.

Therefor, at the end of the day, Alex Kerner would not only survive a holiday with my family, but he’d probably enjoy it and get invited back for every subsequent holiday he could possibly attend.

Niki Lauda

Niki is another Danny that falls very firmly into the category of characters that would absolutely not survive a holiday with my family, for many, many reasons.

First of all, just like Laszlo, Niki is not huge on going to big huggy kissy parties.

Both adults and children would be all over him the second he walked in the door, which would probably make Niki get very uncomfortable and cagey.

Little does he know at that point that people aren’t just all over you when you get in the door.

No, no, no; from the moment you show up to the moment you leave, if you’re at a holiday with my family you are being basically accosted with questions and hugs and conversations that get weirdly personal.

It doesn’t help that the whole entire house is packed and there are eyes on you at every moment, so he wouldn’t even be able to sneak in a break for air or a cigarette.

If my own mother can’t sneak out for a smoke when she’s been going to these events her whole life, the new guy who’s still being vetted by the family sure as hell won’t be able to either.

Needless to say, Niki would start to get really, really tired of it all in an hour tops. I’ll give him until dinner at most.

That’s where things would start getting really sticky.

See, a lovely little fact about the Niki Lauda that lives in my brain, as portrayed by Daniel Bruhl in Rush (2013), is that he’s just a little bit misogynistic. No more than would be period typical, but a little misogynistic.

Another fun little important thing to note is that my family is entirely matriarchal in nature.

There are only 4 reoccurring male guests at family holidays out of about 20 to 25 guests at each event; My great aunt’s husband of many, many years, the two male siblings my mother has that live in the area, and the young son of one of those siblings.

Men, specifically boyfriends, simply do not last in my family. They are considered pretty disposable and easily banned from family events after breakups or small mishaps.

So, not only would Niki not have any other manly men there to chat about sports with over a scotch and a cigarette, he would be surrounded by so much estrogen that he would definitely struggle with his inner asshole even more than usual.

In fact, we never have sports on, even on Thanksgiving. Poor Niki would be stuck hearing conversations about artisanal candlemakers and how to hand felt a woodland elf puppet.

Back to his downfall, the second he made a slightly sketchy joke about women in the kitchen at the dinner table to my great uncle, his fate would be sealed.

If you thought the yelling at Laszlo would have been bad, this yelling would be ten times worse, because he would be surrounded by like 20 very angry, very defensive, and very strong women waiting to beat the shit out of him and I would not be any help.

He dug the hole, so he can climb out of it.

In the end, his death would come when he tried to light a cigarette and calm himself down at the dinner table while trying to rescind his earlier statement, because smoking inside around all the precious textile art? Thats a big no no.

My great aunt would grab the lighter right out of his hand, light up whatever cocktail she had at the moment, and throw it all directly into Niki’s face.

It would be like crashing his car all over again, only this time he would be surrounded by people who would rather he burn than try to get him out of the situation.

Moral of the story, Niki would die within the first few hours of a holiday with my family because he made an asshole comment to a room full of women who don’t put up with that shit. Don’t be like Niki, even if you think you won’t get killed for it.

Andrea Marowski

YES

Andrea is pretty much the polar opposite of Niki here, and I love him for it.

He is very soft, very kind, very pure, and would never dare to say something rude at the dinner table like a certain racer we all know.

He couldn’t even say something rude if he tried to, because he probably wouldn’t have the English in his vocabulary to say the things he wanted to say even if he intended to say them out loud.

But let’s be honest here, Andrea would never.

Even with his limited English, Andrea would appreciate being surrounded by a whole bunch of people who think he’s the sweetest little thing since the invention of cake.

My great grandmother, despite being almost entirely blind and deaf, would say he looked darling and he would immediately be a member of the family from the moment he stuttered out his thanks.

Andrea, like Alex, is also relatively young, so he would get points for not being old enough to be my father.

I feel like, because Andrea was shown living happily in a tiny village by the ocean with two old ladies, he would have an appreciation for craft, so he wouldn’t mind sitting quietly as my great aunt pawns off a handmade blanket from my great grandmother to him.

He would also happily sit with the younger children and do whatever craft or simple game one of my aunts brought for them that time.

The cherry on top with Andrea is his skill with the violin.

My family is one that appreciates fine art a lot, but more than anything we appreciate music.

I wouldn’t say that any of us are anywhere close to Andrea’s proficiency, but we definitely aren’t terrible, and we all can appreciate the effort, practice, and talent that goes into getting truly good on an instrument like Andrea is on his violin.

He would be encouraged to play, of course, and he would happily oblige.

If he felt comfortable enough, I could even see my great uncle grabbing his guitar, my cousin sitting at the piano, and my sister bringing out her own violin to do a little quartet with some simple song they knew as everybody else sang along.

By the end of the holiday evening, once dinner was served and people were heading to the cars, Andrea would definitely be considered a member of the family.

Needless to say, he’d survive and pass their tests with better than flying colors, even despite the language barrier.

Ernst Schmidt

Now, Ernst was probably the most difficult one on this entire list to put into the living or dying category. In the end, though, there were a few things that couldn’t be overlooked that send him into bad territory.

To be fair, though, he would last the longest out of everyone who would die tragically at one of my family’s holiday gatherings.

He, like the past two victims, would not be exactly suited for the mushy crowding that’s inevitable when it comes to my family.

That being said, I think he would deal with it a little bit better than the other two did and would make polite conversation with the family when he could.

The fact that he was trapped in a packed house filled with drunk people who have several generations worth of beef with each other, though, would start to get him eventually.

If we consider all of the shit that happened while he was in space to be canonical minus, you know, the earth getting really fucked up, he would probably start to go a little bit nuts while packed together with that many passive aggressive people.

The second someone burst into tears on the way to the bathroom he would start to lose his shit.

Still, I think Schmidt would probably be fine-ish until dessert was served, because that’s about the time where all the adults are absurdly drunk, so insanity ensues.

They would start poking at him about his credentials and experiences as a physicist.

He would answer their questions at first, but, unfortunately for him, the questions would turn more and more personal and uncomfortable as time went on.

Did he ever still think about what happened up in space? Did he blame himself for not getting things to work correctly? How much did he miss his old world and old life? Did he ever have nightmares about what he saw? How much did it hurt to get shot?

They’d poke and poke and poke in their drunken state until poor Schmidt would snap at them, flying into a slight rage at their insistent probing.

From there, he would be swiftly asked to leave and then “accidentally” run over while calling an Uber to take him to wherever he’s staying as my drunk great aunt tries to back out of the driveway to drive down the block to her house.

In the end, Schmidt and his wit would be really close to surviving a holiday with my family , but he would, unfortunately, let his anger get the best of him, and it would be the last thing he ever did. Literally.

Helmut Zemo

YES, BUT ONLY BARELY

Okay, so my earlier comment about Ernst being the most difficult out of everyone was incorrect. Zemo was, by far, the hardest to put into one category or the other.

His wit and charm won out in the end, though, and I determined that he would survive one single holiday with my family.

If he ever came back for a second he definitely wouldn’t make it, but he would succeed in living past the first one.

Helmut’s problems start, surprisingly, not with the fact that he is a criminal. In fact that doesn’t even cause any problems for him.

No, instead they start with the fact that he is 43.

I am 99% sure that my mother is 43, and I know for a definite fact that he’s older than one of my uncles who would be present. I, at the time of writing this, am 18.

Needless to say, literally everyone would be massively suspicious of him and his intentions the second he walked through the door. The amount of money in his bank account definitely wouldn’t help in this situation either.

The family would warm up to him eventually, though, because if there’s one thing Helmut is good at besides killing people, it’s making people like him even if they absolutely shouldn’t.

With his expansive knowledge of what feels like literally everything rich and niche, he would slowly win over the older members of the family. Who knew the strange old man Jac brought home was so well versed in the American pottery scene, or that he could name specific jewelry artists from across the world that my family had done business with for years?

My family definitely wouldn’t. At least, not at first.

Oh how they’d learn, though.

Another nice thing about Zemo that would allow him to survive is his aggressive politeness.

No matter how many weird glances or dirty looks he got over the course of dinner, he would simply continue to be the best version of himself in the hopes of impressing everyone.

He would even pretend to enjoy my great aunt’s cooking and get himself seconds, because I’m sure it would be easier to scarf down than whatever he and his EKO Scorpion squad had to eat while serving in the Sokovian special forces.

On the tail end of reasons he would be accepted, Helmut Zemo drinks alcohol like it’s water, so he would fit right in drinking white wine and cocktails through the night with the rest of the adults.

((I think he’d totally tease me about not being able to drink with him, but that’s a story for another time. Anyways...))

His slight downfall would come from something entirely uncontrollable by him or anybody else.

And that something would be my flirty aunt.

I love my aunt. She’s wonderful in her own special way.

That being said, I know if a hot Sokovian baron with a nice smile and a fat pocketbook showed up to one of out holidays, even if he was introduced as my partner, she would be going for the kill all night long.

This would make Helmut more and more uncomfortable as she got more and more drunk, because lets face it, he’s probably not very comfortable with being touched by near-strangers anyways, and being touched by a drunk member of his partners family who is very obviously coming on to him?

That’s even more difficult to deal with.

That being said, Helmut is a man who has been shown to be extremely in control of his emotions.

He would swallow down whatever awkwardness he felt, make it to the end of the night, and, once he had escaped her clutches, he would politely say that he was never going back to another holiday function with my family again, though he would be happy to facilitate me still attending them.

So, in the end, Helmut Zemo would survive one holiday with his sheer stubborn politeness alone.

I will say that his patience would absolutely wear thin if he attended a couple more holidays and he would eventually die of a stress induced heart attack after being unable to politely decline my aunt’s advances.

For now, though, he’s safe.

#zemo #baron zemo #helmut zemo #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #niki lauda #andrea marowski #ernst schmidt #laszlo kreizler #alex kerner #jac rambles #imagine #the danny bunch

102 notes · View notes

disgruntledspacedad · 3 years

Text

Javier Peña and commitment

a better love series character analysis

Okay, not-so-briefly, let me finish what I started with this post, and say a few more words about Javier Peña and commitment.

I think typical fanon describes Javi as a rogue, smoky, commitment-phobe man slut. The kind of guy who never settles down because he’s too busy having fun with his hookers. And yeah, at first glance, that’s a valid assumption. Javi definitely puts off that vibe. Hell, I think he even believes that of himself.

I call bullshit, though.

Javi is obviously an affection starved softie who is seeking intimacy and human contact. He just doesn’t know how to get it. Watch how deeply he connects with each of the women he sleeps with. He publicly greets the hookers in Medellín by name (like seriously what man does this??) and his relationship with Gabby seems intensely personal. He cares about what happens to her. He’s sweet, almost tender with her.

This is a man with a huge heart and deep, unfulfilled needs.

Now, let me tease apart what I think happened that scarred Javi so profoundly.

I want to start with his family life.

Now, a lot of this falls deep into headcanon territory, but this entire post is in context of Better Love, so that’s fine. However, I don’t think it’s too far off the mark for canon Javi, too. Just things to bear in mind.

Okay, so in The Kingpin Strategy, Chucho makes references to the fact that Javi has always been free spirited and idealistic. “You couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

Javi says, “It was right here, wasn’t it? The last time we had this conversation.” He sounds resentful, frustrated.

And Chucho replies, “You didn’t listen to me then, either.”

Man oh man, this says a lot. There’s a lot of reference to some very old bitterness, most (but not all of it) on Javi’s end. Let’s break it down.

In Better Love, Javi lost his mom to colon cancer when he was nineteen. We know from canon that he was chomping at the bits to get out of town, so I kind of think that Javi packed his bags the day that he turned eighteen and left. He’s from a small, close knit family, and him taking off into the blue without any warning would have shocked them. It would have hurt.

The fact that he and Chuco have their conversation in the driveway is telling, too.

I think Javi spent some significant time estranged from his family, and things were probably still rocky between them when his mom passed away. Colon cancer can be pretty subtle. Javi’s mom didn’t get a diagnosis until it was far too late for effective treatment. It would have hit her hard and fast, and she and Javi may not have had much time to reconcile. Hell, she was upset by Javi leaving - she may not have even told him what was going on.

Ouch.

Now, Javi is a guy that silently shoulders all of the responsibility that he’s not meant to carry, and he’s absolutely going to blame himself for taking off like that, and for being too stubborn to call home and check on Mom. Her death is the first in a series of wounds that lead to Javi’s (very misguided) belief that he’s a shit human, when truly, nothing could be further from the truth.

Next, let’s talk about Lorraine.

We know from Javi’s conversation with Steve that he thinks Lorraine was better off without him, giving us another glimpse of that deep seated self-loathing that we know he carries. Javi almost sounds wistful, like he regrets leaving her. Certainly, he regrets hurting her (more proof that Javi is actually a pretty sensitive guy - he knows he fucked up). But then we actually meet Lorraine in season three, and there’s something really weird there.

Now, granted, Javi left her at the alter. Things are bound to be weird. But look at how he’s drawn to her, like he just can’t help crossing the room to see her again, even years later. That was the first big red flag for me.

Then, watch how Lorraine treats him. She’s dismissive, pretty biting. And okay, yeah, she’s well within her right to be bitter. But then she says this:

“Can you imagine if we actually were married?”

Like, scoffs it. Guys, that’s a pretty serious dig. Lorraine is implying that Javi is beneath her, that he could never, ever be decent husband material. And watch his reaction. He takes this cut like he’s used to taking this cut from her. I don't know, but to me, it just reeks of a history of toxicity.

Men are absolutely capable of being the victims of toxic relationships and emotional abuse. I mean, duh. But try telling that to Javier Peña, with his tendency to internalize and self destruct.

It would make a lot of sense to me that their relationship was built on this type of fucked up interaction, with Lorraine constantly pushing Javi to be this perfect dude with a white picket fence, and constantly calling him on his “failure” to do so. Maybe some of it was rooted in racism and classism - Lorraine seems like she could be that petty, materialistic type. Maybe Javi just wasn’t ready to settle down.

Remember, too, that Javi’s love language is acts of service. He’s not a super romantic guy in the traditional sense, but he wants to do things for the person he loves, practical, tangible things to keep them safe and happy. If Javi thought that he could do better by Lorraine by putting a ring on her finger, it might be pretty easy to persuade him that he “ought” to do that, especially if there’s a continued history of verbal abuse. Remember that we tend to believe the things our abusers say about us, and that most of the time, this stuff starts subtle. If Lorraine is constantly suggesting that Javi’s not good enough for her, eventually, he’s going to fucking believe it.

And consider the fallout of skipping town on your wedding day. No matter if the relationship is healthy or not, men tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to breakup sympathy, and to leave a pretty woman like Lorraine waiting at the alter? My god, people would have been vicious to Javi.

He probably believed all of the shitty things they said about him.

Javi threw himself into his career, and between a dangerous, high stress job with the DEA and never addressing these old hurts (Javi just doesn’t do that, you know), what you wind up with is a deeply wounded, “self sufficient” (read: emotionally constipated) man with raging self esteem issues and an intense fear of emotional intimacy. Now, all of this shit might have scarred Javi, but it doesn’t change his nature. Javi has a huge heart, he’s fiercely idealistic, and he desperately wants to do the right thing. And we all need love and human connection.

Javi just denies this emphatically.

But the ugly truth is, Javi avoids long term relationships because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. It’s not even about being hurt again, not anymore. He almost sees it as an ethical thing, dammit. Give this boy a hug.

This is why it took a fucking bomb to get him off his ass and admit his feelings for Ears. Javi would never, ever have done that without something very radical catching his attention. He would have let Ears walk straight out of his life, and yeah, it would have torn him to pieces, and he’d have always regretted it and wondered ‘what if,’ but that fear is an old, deeply rooted thing. That’s why I have Ears sort of pick up on the gravity of Javi saying, “I’m all in,” to her at the end of The Rules of Engagement. She’s not eloquent, but she’s pretty intuitive, and she knows that a commitment is something that Javier Peña does not take lightly.

And let me just say this about commitment: Javier Peña is a man who honors his fucking commitments. Watch what he’s willing to do for his informants - he always, always puts their wellbeing first, even before his own, even before the integrity of the hunt for the cartels.

And Javier Peña is beyond devoted to bringing down the cartels. Like, that’s his entire arc in the show, right?

He’s committed to justice, too. Like fiercely, will do fucking anything to make things right, to make them fair. He wants to do the right thing so much it burns.

So, I don’t think it’s fair at all to say that Javier Peña is a man who fears commitment. He fears intimacy, while at the same time, he craves it. He fears human connection, when really, that’s the thing he needs most.

But he doesn’t fuck around once he decides something.

Which is the really, really fun thing about Better Love. For the first time, we get to see Javier Peña, the idealist who wears his poorly disguised heart blatantly on his sleeve, the man who goes for broke trying to get things done, the man who’s passions literally destroy him, in an intensely emotional relationship with another human. One who is just as devoted to him in return.

So, anyway, if you’re still reading this, wow. I just wanted to babble about how Javier Peña is far more than brooding testosterone. Actually, he’s a very soft boy who needs patience and a lot of healing, and somebody who is willing to meet him exactly where he is and love him because of it.

And I want to give him that.

#Javier Peña #Javier Peña x reader #narcos #narcos netflix #pedro pascal #Javier Peña headcanon #Javier Peña imagine #Javier Peña x you #better love #the rules of engagement #i will spam you guys about this precious disaster couple for as long as you let me

176 notes · View notes

quirklessidiot · 4 years

Text

Title: voicemail [one-shot] Pairing: gn!reader x kuroo tetsuro (age up characters) Genre: angst with a fluffy ending

Synopsis: You say good morning, when it's midnight Going out of my head, alone in this bed I wake up to your sunset and it's driving me mad I miss you so bad. [this request kuroo + angst + ldr]

Warnings: some bad language but other than that none Notes: heavily inspired by simple plan’s jet lag ngh, hope you enjoy it anon. i def had fun writing this. Kuroo was my first love in haikyuu HAHHSHSS T-T

masterlist

“Hey this is kuroo tetsurou, i’m currently busy right now, just leave a message after the beep.”

“Hey it’s me…” you paused, “How are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while. Uh- Kenma visited me yesterday, he told me that you secured a new deal. I-I just wanted to congratulate you...and-well, i miss you. Call me when you’re not busy, alright? I-I love you.”

The apartment turns silent after you end the call, your head throbbing at the thought of your third unanswered voicemail. Were you being overbearing? Would he find you annoying? You shut your eyes tight, all this overthinking at this time of the day.

Maybe it would’ve been better to just pass the message on to Kenma.

You let out a loud groan as you dropped yourself on the bed.

Man, when people told you that long distance relationships would be hard, you laughed it off, saying that you and tetsu wouldn’t feel that way. You were both open and too much in love, trivial things like time zones and miles away wouldn’t break you two apart.

Yet right now, you weren’t so confident to say that out loud. It was easier at first, following a scheduled facetime at least twice a week at most and a short call when you both had time everyday. As months pass though, the little schedule you promised to keep up was dwindling.

When he called, you were busy or you were dead tired from work. When you called, he was either asleep too or busy scouting some people on volleyball leagues. The face times would just turn to very short conversations or a curt message.

Now this happened, its been a week since you haven’t heard from him and it was Kenma who had told you about his little victory at work.

What happened to weekly updates?

Were you just overthinking?

You furrowed your brows together as you turned to the abandoned cellular phone next to you, maybe this was nothing. Maybe he was just tired or maybe he was worried he’d disturb your sleeping time (he feels awfully bad when he does that), maybe he just told Kenma to tell you since he wasn’t good at figuring out the timezone things (after all, Kenma barely slept so he’d definitely be a good messenger)

Yeah, maybe that was the case.

Things returned to normal after that one week of no replies and it bothered you even more, why couldn’t he apologize? Did he not see the voicemails you sent? Did he not notice the nervousness in your tone when you sent that last message?

You feel your stomach clench as if you’re on a high up roller coaster about to go down.

God, why were you even overthinking? You sound like one of those girls that Kuroo and you would make fun of back then in high school.

A small ding resonates in the quiet apartment and you see a text from the man himself,

From: Tetsu Time: 09:00 pm Can’t facetime tonight :( Work has me by the neck.

To: Tetsu Time: 09:01 It’s fine :D Take care of yourself and just text me when you’re done. I love you.

You shut your phone off and ran your hands through your dry hair, moments later, you realize he doesn’t reply and the feeling of uneasiness does not waver.

It just worsens.

“Y/N, you alright there?” Kenma asks, it’s sunny today and you manage to drag Kenma out of his not-so little hideout. The man needed some sun, he was getting extra pale these days but these days, it seemed like it was actually you that needed this break.

You immediately snapped out of your thoughts when you hear the low voice of your friend, “Yeah,” You laugh, scratching your neck, “Just peachy.”

Kenma Kozume was many things, observant is one of them. It was easy to notice how distressed you looked yet he didn’t know exactly why. Was it work? Did you and Kuroo fought? Weird, his friend hadn’t said anything and he seemed pretty happy when he called to check up on him this morning at three am.

“Is something going on at work, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you try to mask your overthinking by something else, knowing Kenma he’d voice out your worries to Kuroo and right now that was the least thing you wanted, “Something at work.”

“Don’t overthink about it Y/N. I’m sure you’re doing a great job.”

‘Yeah.’ you thought bitterly, ‘Don’t overthink about it.’

The low sound of your laptop ringing resonates throughout the room as you do your own nails, you immediately shoot-up to see Kuroo’s name on the screen, you dive on the front of your laptop and click answer, his face immediately occupying the screen, “Kitten!” he exclaims.

Your worries are gone as soon as you hear that voice, yes, this was fine. He was alright. You were both alright.

“H-hey, baby.” You try to control your voice.

“You alright there?” his brows furrowed, “Am I disturbing your sleep again-”

“No!” You suddenly cry out, “N-No, it’s just...I haven’t seen you in so long, I guess.”

Kuroo’s gaze immediately softens, “Oh, Y/N...Baby, I’m so sorry…”

God, you wanted to touch him so bad. You want to lay next to him and wake up to his face like before, you wanted to be selfish right now and just cry and beg him to come home.

“No, It’s fine.” You suck it up, “It’s probably just the late night dramas I’ve been watching that’s got me missing you.”

His deep chuckle resonates in your quiet room and you start to feel alright until you hear someone call his name, “Oh shit.” He cursed, “I have to get back, Baby. Boss wants me, again.”

Your expression shifts to an uncharacteristic frown, “Right, bye. I-I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

The screen turns black once again and the bile on your throat begins to rise, the feeling of dread turning worse.

Who were you kidding, long distance relationships were shit.

You were feeling like shit.

You stare at the fish fillet in front of you, it's midday and your day off from work. If it were your usual day, you’d facetime your boyfriend while doing some paperwork but after that brief videocall. You became more withdrawn, your texts would become curt and you didn’t bother leaving messages on his voicemail anymore.

You didn’t have facetimes anymore too.

Yet you keep your phone next to you, hoping he’d still call and when he does, your can’t help it but your replies are starting to get dry. Sometimes forced even yet Kuroo doesn’t notice, he never does.

So when he finally calls again that time at lunch and is once again cut off by his workmates, you finally snap, “...Why are we still doing this?” your voice was rough and dry.

Kuroo is silent on the other line, the only thing that could be heard was his office mate calling him.

“Kitten, what do you mean? Are you okay?”

“Forget it.Just go.”

“Y/N?” His tone was serious now, all playfulness void, “I thought we were doing fine-”

“Thought.” You shakily cut him off, “You thought.”

“Y/N, you seriously - look- I don’t have time for this.”

That was the final straw, your tipping point. Those words were your Achilles heel.

“Then we should just break up, right?”

The only thing that could be heard was the silence on his side and your fast heartbeat. Guess you got your answer and as much as you hated it, you could only handle so much.

“Hey this is Y/N, I’m out now and kinda busy so just leave a message after a beep, yeah?”

“It’s me.” Kuroo’s voice echoes through the walls, “Y/N baby, please pick up the phone. I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it that way. I was an ass. I should’ve kept our promise. Please call me when you get this”

A loud beep echoes throughout the room after his message is cut.

“It’s me again. I miss you and I’m sorry. I really am, I miss you so bad. Can we facetime? Same time as usual, I promise I won’t let work get in the way again. Please call me back when you receive this.”

A loud beep once again echoes through the quiet walls of your room.

“Y-Y/N.” Kuroo stammers, “sweetheart, I-I asked Kenma to check on you. He brought a meal and well I know its a far fix from what I did but just eat well, yeah? He says you haven’t been looking well and I worry. I love you always, y-you know that right?”

Before the next message could play, you grab your phone and shut it off. A soft sigh escaping your lips. It had been two weeks since that breakup. You wouldn’t say you were doing well yet you wouldn’t say that the burden was lifted either.

You were just so confused at the moment, so withdrawn. The world seemingly void of color without your lover truly next to you anymore.

You slowly snuggle on his side of the bed, shutting your eyes. You might as well start moving your things when you wake up tomorrow, no sense in staying at your shared apartment.

You’re awoken by a familiar warmth caressing your hair. You flutter your eyes open, trying to adjust your vision to the room's dim light, the familiar figure of the man you missed and dearly loved sitting across you in a suit. His bags are thick as if he hadn’t slept in a while and his hair’s unkempt more than usual.

“I’m sorry.” the first thing he says.It's soft and warm like his touches, “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Y-You..” It slowly dawns upon you that this isn’t a dream, that he’s right here, “You’re here.”

“Sorry it took so long, Y/N.” He apologies once again, dipping his head down to give you a soft kiss on your forehead. You sit up and suddenly all the tears burst out as you throw yourself to him in a hug, “I was too busy getting my work done so I could be assigned in this division earlier I hadn’t-”

“You’re home.” You cry, cutting off his explanation, it didn’t matter anymore. He was home and he was going to stay, “You’re finally home.”

“Yeah.” He whispers, “I’m here. I’m home.”

#kuroo angst #kuroo testuro #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro fluff #kuroo tetsuro headcanons #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsuro x you #kuroo tetsuro scenarios #kuroo tetsuro imagine #haikyuu imagines #haikyu!! fanfics #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu requests

774 notes · View notes

dirtyoatmeall · 3 years

Text

Good for you

A/N: Wow sorry I've been gone!! I suddenly got back into reading and suddenly found myself in the middle of multiple series! anywayz, I finally listened to Olivia Rodrigo's new album so here is a songfic for good for u. I ended up going in a completely different direction than I had in mind. It's also long as fuck. I proof scanned it, but it's like 18 pages, as always sorry for the incorrect grammar, I do what I want. Call me Maybe will be getting one soon as well :)

Pairing: ex!Kageyama x reader, foreshadowed Atsumu x reader

Genre: angst? hurt/comfort? Its sad for pretty much most of it.

Word Count: 10.3k (im so sorry)

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and drinking, implied adult themes, all characters are 21+ !!, detailed breakup. 16+ only por favor

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily. You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks.

Your phone chimed, alerting you of a new text, you reached for it on the side table, pausing the movie you were watching. It was a message from Shoyo and an image: ‘I’m sorry, I figured it’d be better if I told you instead of finding out on Twitter.’ Your brow pinched, what could that mean? You unlocked your phone to open the text.

The pinch deepens as you zoom in on the picture, eyes beginning to prickle with tears. It was a photo- most likely taken by a fan or paparazzi- of Tobio, your boy-, ex-boyfriend. He was with a woman, she seemed slightly familiar, probably a model or something along those lines. Your face heated and shame burned in your chest, the embrace they were in looked so intimate; private, that it seemed wrong to look. You deleted the image and left Shoyo on read for now; you’d reply when you’re in a better headspace.

It had only been a couple of weeks and he had already moved on, meanwhile, you were just starting to not cry at the little reminders of him scattered about your apartment. He hadn’t even come to get his stuff. You sniffle and walk over to the wall to your left; the picture wall- and gently take one of the photos off, smiling faintly at the memory it brings to the surface.

Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world?

The sun filtered through the blinds, casting a soft glow around the room. Groaning, you squint at the brightness before rolling over. Your eyes find blue ones, startling you slightly. He chuckles softly, voice deep and gravelly with sleep; sending heat through your body. “you’re so jumpy in the morning.” he whispered in the otherwise empty apartment.

You roll your eyes and let him pull you into his chest, listening to his heartbeat and his fingers traced lazy shapes into your hip. “Shut up, you know it takes me a day or two to adjust after you’ve been gone.”

You meant for the words to be light; not expecting the emotion you heard behind them. He sighs, arm winding tighter around your waist as he kisses the top of your head. You bring your head up to meet his gaze and shift in his arms, frown tugging on your lips. “’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin the mood.”

He sighs again, shaking his head softly. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, I should, for never being home, missing holidays and-“ You put a hand against his lips silencing him, brows drawn tightly together.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for either. I knew what I was getting into when we got together, it didn’t bother me in school and it doesn’t bother me now. I’d much rather you live out your dream than being stuck here with me all the time.” You feel his mouth open to object, but your hand stays firm. “I’m serious Tobio, I mean every word.” He nods against your hand and you release him. You flush slightly at the open emotion in his gaze. He pulls you into a kiss, murmuring against your lips. “I don’t know how I got so lucky with you, I promise I’m gonna give you the world.”

And good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself. I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped

A few days later you meet Shoyo for lunch, a new onigiri place where he apparently knows the owner. He sighs as he sets down his menu, your eyes snapping back your own, pretending like you’ve been mulling it over this whole time. “Alright, go ahead and ask.”

You look up from your menu, feigning innocence. “Hm? Sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” He rolls his eyes and raises an eyebrow. You hold his gaze for a few moments before your shoulders sag in defeat. Your eyes fall to the table as you pick at the corner of the laminated menu. He gives you a minute to collect your thoughts before he places his hand atop yours, a sad smile gracing his features.

“(Y/N), it’s normal to want to know how he’s doing.” You chew your lip and mumble, “Well he’s obviously doing good since he already moved on.”

He continues as if you hadn’t spoken. “He started going to that therapist you recommended a day or so after,” he pauses, trying to gauge where your mind is. You’re meeting his gaze, and he can see you got what he was implying so he continued. “He’s been going consistently; says it’s really helped him.” You nod, blocking out his next words; too busy thinking about how you’re going to find a new therapist.

Now you can be a better man for your brand new girl

As you eat, you think over his words. You swallow and take a deep breath, trying to instil confidence in yourself. “Are they… good together?” Your voice comes out softer than intended and you inwardly cringe. He smiles faintly and nods. “They are.” You nod in understanding and turn your focus back to your meal.

Well, good for you. You look happy and healthy, not me-If you ever cared to ask

You knew it was inevitable, your apartments aren’t that far apart, you just wished it wasn’t so soon.

You were grocery shopping for the week, trying to figure out how many oranges to get before settling on 4 with a sigh, you toss them into your cart, turning around to see blue eyes at the other end.

You inhale sharply, your gazes met and he was too close for you to run away, leaving only one option. You were suddenly glad you met Shoyo for breakfast this morning, you were dressed up a bit, but you weren’t so glad when you became queasy. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped, letting it fall shut. You feel your face flush with heat and you duck your head, mumbling a soft “sorry!” and move to continue down the aisle, hoping he’d let you go.

Those hopes were crushed with the hand that gently captured your elbow, halting your escape as he turned you to face him. You were silent for a moment before he realized he was still gripping your elbow, dropping his hand to his side. You crossed your arms around your middle, trying to look- be smaller, small enough to get away. Though the rational side of you knew it wouldn’t happen, that you’ve known each other too long to simply stop. So you raised your gaze, uncurling your arms and bringing your shoulders back to at least look the part of an old friend caught by surprise, smiling as you spoke.

“Oh, Kageyama! I didn’t see you there, how are you?” He cringed ever so slightly at the use of his last name, filling you with a sick sense of pride that weighed uncomfortably in your chest. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a brunette coming up to him, not noticing you as she surveyed the list in her hand.

“Babe, did you find the oranges? Oh, remind me to pick up my birth control at the phar-“ Her eyes widened as she noticed you; cheeks flushing slightly in embarrassment. Unfazed, Kageyama snorted softly, wrapping an arm around her waist before turning back to you. “This is Yumi, babe, this is (Y-) uh, (L/N).” You smiled and waved, which she mirrored, going to speak but instead was interrupted by you, who had decided to spare all of you of the awkwardness of prolonging the conversation. “It’s nice meeting you Yumi, and it was nice seeing you Kageyama, but I gotta run.”

They nodded and waved in farewell as you continued down the aisle, letting out a deep breath before heading into the next aisle. You needed more alcohol.

Good for you. You're doin' great out there without me, baby. God, I wish that I could do that.

You saw them a few more times during your shopping trip. You had wanted to leave right away, but you had been putting off groceries for too long, and leaving your cabinets and fridge almost barren. Thankfully they were always far enough where if you accidentally made eye contact a smile in passing was warranted enough.

As you contemplated between mini pizzas or a large pizza, you heard a loud giggle from further down the aisle. Your head turned towards the noise instinctively and you saw them at the end, near the ice cream, which you hoped they moved soon because that was next on your list. They were laughing, her arms around his waist as she looked up at him, he had an arm around her, resting on her hip as he met her gaze and you felt your chest tighten and an emotion you definitely did not want to name and wanted to shove down, down far enough to forget it. They looked the part of smitten lovers, and you decided you didn’t need ice cream all that bad and grabbed the mini pizzas before heading to checkout, continuing to ignore the emotion swelling, weighing down your chest and moving up to your throat.

I've lost my mind, I've spent the night cryin' on the floor of my bathroom

You took a deep, shuddering breath that broke halfway into a gasping sob. The emotion was suffocating, burning in the back of your throat and pulsing against your skull as you hugged your knees to your chest, the cold press of the tub against your back doing nothing. You tried to take a breath again but your chest was too tight, it was constricting your lungs, pushing hot tears down your cheeks and pulsing harder as with the ringing in your ears.

You could faintly comprehend the door to the bathroom opening, but didn’t look up as someone wrapped their arms around you, pulling you to them; the feel of fabric twisting in your grasp somewhat grounding as they smoothed down your hair, their words muffled under the ringing. You couldn’t think about the tears and who knows what else dampened their shirt, couldn’t think of anything except the emotion weighing so heavy in your chest you were positive it was going to break your ribs, break through you and continue down, down, deep underground.

You have no clue how long you were there with them, not even sure how long before they arrived. They shifted their arms to pick you up, and you let them, not even moving your hands from their place on the shirt, you were sure they were glued there, the tears acting as an adhesive. Sobs still racked your frame as you were set down, tucked under the covers of your bed before the person laid next to you, resuming their soothing touches as the weight in your chest slowly lightened, gradually releasing its grip on your lungs as the ringing quieted, allowing you to hear the slew of soothing words softly coming from the person next to you.

But as the emotion lessened its grip on you, tiredness swiftly replaced it, the pounding at your temples only encouraging the darkness to weigh you down, until it settled over you like a blanket, your fingers laxing enough for them to fall back to your side. Your breathing slowed, the occasional hiccup breaking the silence as you slept.

But you’re so unaffected, I really don’t get it, but I guess good for you

Shoyo let out a deep breath as he gently shut the door to your bedroom behind him, shoulders slumping with exhaustion when he heard the latch click. He dragged a hand down his face, combing his fingers through his hair as he went to your kitchen to finish putting away your groceries, throwing away what was defrosted before collapsing on your couch, pulling out his phone, debating whether or not to text the person likely responsible for your tears. Turns out he didn’t even have to, they had already called him and left a message about an hour ago, a little after Shoyo first got to your apartment. He brought the phone up to his ear as he pressed play.

“Hey, I ran into (Y/N) at the store today, you know I thought you might be right; that our friendship ended with the breakup, but it was like nothing had changed! She even met Yumi though Yumi didn’t notice at first and started talking about her birth control,” a laugh, “I don’t know why you were so worried, she seems perfectly fine. I was thinking about having a little get together in a few weeks, Yumi really wants to meet everyone from Karauno, you both should come! Oh one sec, what? Okay! Sorry, I gotta go, Bye.”

Shoyo slid down the couch slightly, groaning as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Really? He was glad you stocked up on alcohol at the store because after hearing that, he needed a drink.

Well, good for you, I guess you're gettin' everything you want. You bought a new car and your career's really takin' off.

Two weeks later you sat on your couch, eyes focused on the match televised. You tell yourself you’re watching the tournament to see who Shoyo will end up going against; if you can give them any pointers, though a part of you knows it’s a lie.

At the end of the match, the Adlers, no, To- Kageyama, had scored the winning point, securing a spot in the semi-finals. You lifted the remote to change the channel, but you froze as the camera zoomed in on the edge of the court, where you watched Yumi jump into his arms, he threw his head back laughing as he spun her around before kissing her. You could hear the commentators discussing the game after making a cheeky comment but you tuned it out. You watched them walk off the court, snapping out of the trace as soon as the camera cut to the other team. You quickly turned it off. Taking a deep breath in your silent apartment.

You were going through your Instagram feed when you came across a post from Tobio. It was him and Yumi in front of a new car, kissing. You noticed it had multiple pictures, and swiped through, all of them of the couple. The last one was the most recent, earlier today, in fact, you recognized the jersey of the other team in the background. You part of the caption, deciding to scroll past before scrolling back up to read the long paragraph that was pretty much a love letter to Yumi. You bit your lip and liked it, cursing afterwards, you didn’t want him to know you still followed him. You debated unfollowing but decided against it, it’d only look weirder if you had liked a post and weren’t following him. You couldn’t get his expression out of your head, he looked so happy.

It's like we never even happened. Baby, what the fuck is up with that?

Over the next few days you received multiple texts from Kageyama, updates on his family; that they were asking about you, wanting you to visit, an invitation to a small gathering they were having next week, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and Yachi were in town and he wanted to introduce Yumi to everyone. And several attempts to start a conversation.

You replied to all of them, thanking him for the update, politely declining the invitation; using work as an excuse, and you halfheartedly tried to keep up with the conversations until it got to be too much. It was like nothing happened, like he hadn’t suddenly broken up with you, after almost 7 years together. There were times you wanted to remind him, but decided against it. You didn’t want to be the bitter ex, you wanted to move on, like he had.

And good for you, it's like you never even met me

You think Shoyo had a talk with him.

After it all became too much, the media, the texts, the times he tried to call you, you told Shoyo. He was furious, ignoring your pleas to just leave it be as he left your apartment.

Later that night he came back, less angry and with takeout. When you had asked where he went he just smiled and told you not to worry about it. You watched movies the rest of the night. When you awoke the next morning there were no texts from Kageyama, and nothing on social media. Your nosiness got the best of you and you looked him up, only to furrow your brow as the results came up blank. You checked the other social media you had each other on and couldn’t find him anywhere. You didn’t dare text him, just in case, but it was obvious- he had blocked you, on everything.

There was an emotion curling in your chest, but you couldn’t quite name it. You didn’t know how to feel about it, so you stayed in bed for a few more hours before migrating to the couch. Shoyo didn’t come over that night, and you hated that you were slightly relieved.

Remember when you swore to God I was the only person who ever got you?

You sighed, still slightly out of breath and damp with sweat, snuggling into the body next to you regardless, smile stretching your lips. He tightened his arm around your waist, petting your hair as he shifted onto his side, bringing you closer and tangling your legs together. You wrapped your arms around his neck loosely, softly kissing his throat, right below his adam's apple before resting your face against his collarbone. He shuddered and drew you impossibly closer. “I know I don’t say it as often as I should, but I love you (Y/N), so much. I swear sometimes I feel like you’re the only person in the world who understands me. Ugh, that sounded so cliché.” You snorted as he slightly shook with laughter. “I love you too Tobio.” You brought your head up for a tender kiss before the two of you settled into a peaceful slumber.

Well, screw that, and screw you. You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do

You awoke the following morning with a hollow ache in your chest, your eyes burned but nothing came. You don’t know if it was good that the tears never came, but the hollowness settled heavily in you, it seemed to be all around you, weighing down the air equally. You were on autopilot the whole day, not fully there.

You blinked at the chime from your phone and raised your brows at the time, and your eyes widened at the name in your notifications. You quickly opened the text and looked at the image 2,3,5 times. It was a selfie, only the top part of Yumi’s face was visible, she must’ve been taking it, having to have it out enough to get Kageyama and all of his family in the frame, everyone smiling brightly. The typing bubble popped up for a few seconds before it disappeared and was replaced by a small message. You read it over and over before biting your lower lip. This is when the tears would normally come, when they’d be expected and yet they didn't. The burn was there, the lump in your throat but nothing else except the hollow pulsed in your chest. You didn’t think that was a good sign.

From Tobio:

We miss you! The kids keep asking when you’re going to come to play again. We love you, and you’re always welcome to visit. -Miwa~

Well, good for you. You look happy and healthy, not me if you ever cared to ask

You decided not to tell Shoyo about the picture, after all, it was his sister who sent it. He sent an apology the next day and you quickly dismissed it, asking him to tell her thanks and to tell everyone hello for you and that you hoped they had a great trip.

He unblocked you later that day. You assumed it was because of your text, he probably thought everything was fine now, that little bump in the road passed and things were back to normal again. And you tried, you tried so hard to go back to the person you were before. Fake it ‘till you make it was something you lived by, and you certainly were doing a great job faking it, but the ache in your chest told you that you hadn’t made it yet.

Good for you, You're doin' great out there without me, baby

You always kept up with the volleyball news and media, now for just Shoyo, but it was impossible to not see Adlers updates, and as MSBY’s rival you felt you needed to keep up. They were a force to be reckoned with, win after win; tournament after tournament they were at the top, MSBY one of the few to keep up. You sent him a congratulatory text after his last win, if he didn’t want to leave your friendship then you’ll try your hardest not to either, even if it hurts.

God, I wish that I could do that

Well, that lasted about 2 weeks. It’d been about 2 months since Kageyama broke up with you. You texted occasionally, most of them short conversations. They used to be longer, but you knew that to really get over him, you couldn’t be his best friend like before, you had to distance yourself. Shoyo wanted you to block him, even if just for a few more months, so you can move on quicker, but you disagreed. Your lives were so intertwined it wasn’t possible to not see him or hear about him at least once a week, usually in the form of sports journalism.

You laughed at Tsukishima’s joke, choking on the margarita you were in the middle of drinking, causing the others to laugh at you. Everyone was miraculously in town this week and demanded that you all hang out all week. Yachi stayed at Hinata's apartment since he had a roommate, and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi stayed at yours, though everyone decided to congregate at your apartment, the former two falling asleep on your couch and after the third night in a row, you convinced them to just stay. Hinata packed a bag and slept on your futon, Yachi slept in your bed with you, and the last two shared your guest bedroom.

While they all swore it was a mere coincidence everyone was in town, you had a strong theory that Hinata invited everyone down to stay with you, since in 3 days was what would’ve been your 7 year anniversary with Kageyama. They did their best to keep you distracted, going out to clubs, having movie marathons and game nights that lasted until dawn. You were filled with immense gratitude for that, and you made sure to let them know it. You were glad your little group was able to stick together, even if the shadow of the empty seat at the table grows with each passing day.

I've lost my mind, I've spent the night cryin' on the floor of my bathroom

You almost made it. Everyone stayed in today, keeping a careful eye on you all morning, until you got a call from your mother. Your parents lived in the countryside, they didn’t have great reception out there, even if they did they’d keep the single landline they have now. They called every so often, for holidays or updates on health and family members. The last time you talked to them was about 6 months ago. You head into your bedroom before you answer, a little worried about what might be going on, you knew your father’s health was declining, could something have happened? You took a deep breath and accepted the call, bringing your phone to your ear. “Hello? Mom?”

It takes a second before she replies, probably trying to get your father to stand next to her. “(Y/N) sweetie, sorry it’s been so long, it’s been busy down here and since your father can’t do a whole lot anymore, it’s been taking longer to keep the farm in shape.” You can hear your father grumble something in the background and you can imagine your mother rolling her eyes.

“Nevermind that! We were calling to congratulate you and Tobio on your anniversary, that’s today right? 7 years, I hope you know how lucky you are dear, these days relationships just aren’t lasting like they used to, but I’ve always known you two would stick through, I still do. Hopefully one of these days I’ll get a call about a ring? Or maybe some grandbabies?” She giggled on the other end, going on to talk about her and your father’s relationship, not paying attention to if you’ve replied or not, and you haven’t, you’re- you’re- you jolt out of whatever trance you were in to find yourself on your bathroom floor, back against the tub, your mother still chattering away in your ear, though you can’t hear her.

She’s right. Today is- would’ve, been 7 years. A flurry of emotions roars to life in your chest and you feel the familiar burning and grip start to take hold. You clear your throat, interrupting her story.

“Uh mom, me and Tobio aren’t together anymore. I’m sorry, I meant to call earlier, but there’s a lot going on. I actually have to go, I promise I’ll call later okay? I might be able to get away from work in a few weeks to visit. Love you.”

You ended the call, guilt joining the mix, you had completely forgotten to tell your mother, her words stirring the pot of emotions and memories in your gut as they rose into your chest, filling your lungs, spilling into your throat into your nasal cavity, behind your eyes and into your skull. You slackened your hold on your phone, and it tumbled onto the tile. You choked against the burning in your throat, pressing your palms into your eyes, trying- uselessly- to stop the slideshow of memories.

He had been your best friend, your longest crush, your first- well, everything. You truly thought you would be spending the rest of your life with him, travelling the world as he plays volleyball, eventually settling down and buying a house somewhere, anywhere. Marriage, a cat, maybe a dog, and kids. You never once thought the father of your future children would be anyone but Kageyama Tobio. Apparently, he thought differently. Against your will, the night he ended everything played back in your vision.

You heard the door close as you finished up dinner, a smile stretching wide on your face as you imagined his reaction. You spent the week learning how to make this dish, an old family recipe from his grandmother that he apparently adored and ate every time he visited home without fail. After years of watching her make it, you’d think you would have a good idea of how but you were naïve to think so. You finish plating the dishes and setting up the table, brows pinched in confusion, he hadn’t come to greet you yet, which he always does. You shrug it off, he might’ve had a tiring practice, hopefully the food makes up for it.

You pad down the hallway, thinking he jumped straight in the shower. You stop in the doorway of your shared bedroom; He was sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as his elbows dig into his knees. Worry and confusion rose; what was wrong? Was practice that bad? You don’t try to mask your steps towards him, though he flinches all the same when you lay a hand on his shoulder, quickly withdrawing it. You sink to your knees in front of him, gingerly holding his wrists as you speak softly.

“Hey babe, what’s wrong? Did you have a bad practice? Why don’t you tell me about it over dinner, I got everything at the table.” He sighed deeply, sagging further, like the weight of the world weighed down on him. Your concern grew and you squeezed his wrists in a silent question. He took a deep breath and sat up, you let your hands fall away but he caught them, cradling them in his grasp, pity and guilt swirling in his glassy gaze as it met yours.

You sat up on your knees, why in the world would he look at you like that? “Tobio? What’s wrong, baby you have to tell me so I can help, you gotta let me in.” You were pleading at this point. He so rarely showed this much sadness, you were sick with worry, mind going to the worst-case scenario. He squeezes your hands, bringing them up to his lips. He keeps them there for a moment, his eyes shut, brow drawn tight.

He brings them back down to his lap and lets out another sigh, meeting your gaze again. You can see the conflict on his features bright as day. “(Y/N), I’ve been so lucky to have you in my life, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pay back what you’ve given me. I’m truly, truly grateful and you've been one of my longest friends, one of my best friends. Which is why- why-“

He lets out a shuddering breath gaze dropping, tightening his grip around your hands. Your brow is pinched deeply, eyes searching his features for any sign of what could be going on. He takes a breath, trying to calm himself before continuing, and when he meets your gaze you no longer see the guilt, you see a wall you worked so hard to bring down. You open your mouth to speak, but he cuts you off. “You are one of the most important people in my life, which is why I have to do this. I can’t keep doing this, prolonging the inevitable only makes it more painful and the last thing I want to do is hurt you. But, (Y/N) I can't keep this up any longer, I thought- I thought it might pass, if I kept going along, pretending like everything is fine, when it’s not.” Your heart drops, no, it can’t be, what does he mean?.

“Everything is fine Tobio, what are you talking about? What are you saying, I-I don’t understand.” The emotion thickens your voice and his face falls as he sees the tears gather in your eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I loved you so, so much. I promise, I loved you more than anything, so much it hurt.” The tears are escaping both your eyes. You want to get out of his grasp but his hands only tighten around yours, like a lifeline. You suppress a sob bubbling up to speak, the world tumbling softly from your quivering lips. “Did?”

A hand touching your shoulder tears you from the memory. You’re aware of the hot tears streaming down your face, of the tight sobs wracking your frame, ripping from your throat against your will. You feel hollow, the ache grows and pulses until it’s all you feel, grief rising to meet it. You blink the tears away, to look around the room, you hadn’t recognized it right away, still disoriented from the memory. You see your friends, concern and in some cases, anger, in their gaze as they hover. You were surprised to find Tsukishima was the one at your side, the one who had pulled you from the memory turned nightmare. Your lip wobbles and he pulls you into his arms, embracing you as you cry into his sweatshirt, much like you had to Hinata weeks ago.

You’re vaguely aware of hushed voices around you, the rumble of Tsukishima’s voice oddly soothes you. You can hear Shoyo behind you, you think you hear him say your mother’s name, was she calling again? The thought slips from your mind as quickly as it came. You sat in your bathroom for who knows how long, crying in Tsukishima’s arms, surrounded by your friends.

But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it but I guess good for you

Later that night, when everyone has finally passed out, you slip through your apartment door, pulling your hood up as you head towards the street. You have your phone, keys and pepper spray. You just wanted- no, needed to get out of there, the slight chill in the air rousing you. You take in the surroundings, letting your feet take you wherever they please.

You sigh as you take in the park in front of you. You used to come here a lot, whenever you needed to clear your head. It was a space for you to be truly alone to work out your emotions. Which is exactly what you needed now. You smile faintly as you reminisce, not paying attention as you head to the swings, only to stop in your tracks, still hidden in the shade as you watch on. What the fuck.

The creak of the swings is drowned out by laughter, two people sit on the swings, legs pumping to go higher and higher. Her hair whips in the wind and she closes her eyes, leaning back for a moment. You watch him slow down, eventually stopping and getting up to approach her flying form. Right when she is about to pass him, he moves, grabbing her and the swing, halting them mid-swing. She squeals, which quickly melts into laughter as she lets go of the chains, wrapping her legs around his torso and her arms around his neck. Her smile is a sun in the night, love radiating from the couple as they kiss. You look away and spot an open picnic basket, a bottle of wine poking through on a blanket rumpled from use.

You leave as silently as you came.

Maybe I'm too emotional but your apathy's like a wound in salt

The hollow ache starts to burn as you walk back to your apartment. You didn’t expect him to be as affected tonight as you were but you thought he’d- what did you think he’d feel? Mourning? Grief? Sadness? Why would he? He was the one who broke it off, who ‘fell out of love’ or at least that’s what he said when he broke your heart. And to bring her there?

Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all

You shared that spot with him a year after you moved in together, he knew its significance to you, to your relationship. How long had he been bringing her there? What did he tell her about it? Did he use the words you said to him all those years ago? You wondered if he even remembered what today was. He said he had loved you, but was he truthful? He promised quite a few things during your relationship that were broken when he admitted it, when he confessed ‘what had been eating him up inside.’

Maybe I'm too emotional but your apathy's like a wound in salt

The hollow was slowly filling, bitter, anger, loss, and more flooded the space as you recalled his words that night.

“I can’t do this anymore.” You had never felt more dread than in that moment.

“I loved you so, so much.” You had wished the past tense was a mistake, but you knew it wasn’t.

“I don’t know when it happened, if it was slowly or quickly.” You could tell it was a lie.

“I-I just realized I loved you in a different way than you loved me.” A cute way of saying he no longer loved you.

“I thought that if I just stuck with it, that it might change, that it was just a slump.” Another way to say ‘leading you on because I was too afraid to tell you the truth.’

“I tried, I tried so hard to love you the way you wanted me to.” For how long? How many years did he lead you on, how long did he let you think everything was ok?

“You deserve more than I can offer.” You knew that was true, you did deserve more. You deserved a lot more than this, than an offer.

Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all

You were crying by the time you got to your apartment building, but it was different. You didn’t feel the aching hollow as strongly as before. You felt anger, bitterness about what he said, you had a million things you wanted to say to him, to make him know what he did. But didn’t he already know? He was there, he saw what his words did, he saw the aftermath, at the very least he heard about it. And yet the night after he was pictured entering a popular high-end club. It was on your Twitter feed that morning, effectively pouring salt and lemon into the hole in your heart. You had thought it then, and you’re thinking it now.

Well, good for you. You look happy and healthy, not me If you ever cared to ask

The next morning, no one brought up last night, and you were thankful for it. You think they could sense the shift, from the aching despair to the brittle anger. So you all lounged on the couch, playing Mario Kart to help you channel it.

You were on the fourth stage of Grief according to Yamaguchi, who brought it up the following day over breakfast. He explained: Denial- which was during the breakup and right after, Depression- which came to fruition after you ran into them at the store, Bargaining- When you tried to go back to how it was before, trying to keep the friendship alive so you’d still have him around, Anger- which was now, when you realize that you wasted years of your life for someone who didn’t even love you and now they want to go back to friends, after they immediately get into a new relationship. The next step would be the final- Acceptance, when you would finally accept he was gone, when you could finally move on.

Good for you

After that night the change became more obvious. You weren’t hiding anymore, you would hold your head high and snap others off if they trod down the wrong path. You felt the hot anger slowly cool over time, as you continued to go out, to clubs, bars, parties Shoyo always invites you to but you always decline. You met his teammates, finally after too long.

He had dinner for you and the team at his apartment that he shares with one of the said teammates. You dressed up a little, enough for Shoyo to whistle when you showed him over facetime as you finished getting ready. You weren’t planning on going anywhere except your apartment after; there was just something about knowing you look good that does wonders to the confidence. You grin widely as he complains about not wanting to deal with his teammates crushing on you. You end the call when you get into your car, you were going to stop by the store to get something and then head over, despite his assurances no one else was bringing anything.

You purse your lips in thought as you surveyed the wine selection in front of you, bending slightly to read the label of one on a lower shelf. You didn’t realize you were taking up the aisle until someone cleared their throat behind you. You paid the little mind, murmuring an apology as you stepped to the side. You felt their presence next to you, and after a minute of them burning a hole through you with their gaze you turned towards them, lips pursed in annoyance rather than thought.

You're doin' great out there without me, baby, like a damn sociopath

The wide eyes of Kageyama Tobio meet yours as you study him for a moment before smiling. “Kageyama! Sorry, I didn’t realize I was taking up the whole aisle, you know me; always so indecisive.”

Your joke seems to snap him out of whatever train of thought he was in. He smiles and chuckles, turning to look at the wine in front of you. “What kind of an occasion is it?” He asks after a beat. “Oh Shoyo is introducing me to his teammates today, wine’s something people bring to dinners right?”

He smiles and nods before pointing out several bottles. “These would be appropriate, and Shoyo likes this brand.'' He plucks one from the shelf before presenting it to you. You smile and thank him, before parroting his question back to him. He turns back to the wine. “Uh, Yumi got a promotion and I’m surprising her with dinner with her coworkers.” You hum in thought before grabbing a wine off the shelf for him. “I think this would be a good one. It's white, so the stain won't be as bad and won’t stain her lips like a red would. It’s a dessert wine so even her younger colleagues should enjoy it. Oh, and tell her congrats for me.” He smiles and thanks you before you part.

You arrive right on time at Shoyo’s, the wine was well received and his teammates were great. They were everything he told you and more, you all got along great, especially you and Atsumu, he was Shoyos roommate and it was great to have another person to make fun of his horrible habits with, much to Shoyo’s dismay.

The dinner flies by, and eventually, you’re the last to leave. You wave to Atsumu before hugging Shoyo. “Thank’s Sho, for everything you’ve done for me these past 6 months. I love you.” He squeezes you tight, kissing the crown of your head before pulling away.“You don’t need to thank me (Y/N), I know you’d do the same. I love you too, drive safe.” You wave as you leave back to your apartment.

I've lost my mind, I've spent the night. Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom

The next 6 months fly by, and you spend more and more time with Shoyo and his team. Bokuto dubs you an honorary Jackal and you celebrate drinking until dawn, as a true Jackal would. You spend time with them individually, the gym with Bokuto, reality TV with Sakusa, movie nights with Shoyo, and all of the above with Atsumu, in addition to annoying his brother Osamu at his restaurant.

It hits you out of the blue. You had felt a little off all day, but you had chalked it up to the takeout you had last night. You glance at the calendar as you walk past, only to backtrack and look again, with wide eyes. Today marked a year since the breakup. It had taken you a long time to move on, but you were finally starting to feel yourself again, so why did your heart ache all of a sudden? Why did the burning rise in your throat, prickling the back of your eyes as you began to breathe faster, feeling the despair rise out of the depths to rip a sob from you lips? You try to stop, taking deep breaths, count five things in the room, but none of it works. It’s not as bad as the other times, but you feel shame crawling up to join, you were finally turning things around, how could you let it all go to waste?

You curl into yourself on the couch, blindly calling Shoyo to ask for his company, maybe he’d know, he helped you get this far, maybe he can make sure you don’t fall too far. You listen to the rings until you hear the click of an answered call, not even letting him speak before crying into the phone, asking him to be with you, help you understand. Half your words are unintelligible as you ramble on, not really listening to the other end until you think you hear him say he’s on his way, but he sounded odd, different. Had you interrupted him? Was he too busy? No, he would’ve told you and sent someone else, probably Yachi since she was the closest.

You quickly tire of trying to hold everything back, and let it wash over you, all the feelings from this past year rise up, poised to drown you, and you allow it, letting it crash down and wash over you. You let the sobs free themselves, somehow knowing it was the right thing. You give yourself to the despair, the anger, the loneliness.

You don’t hear the knocking at the door, or the sound of the door opening, too absorbed untangling the knot of emotions in your heart; until you feel the cushion next to you you sink with the weight of another person, and a hand gently rubs your back soothingly.

You lean into him, letting him pull you to him like many times before. He pulls you into his lap, curling an arm around your waist while the other hand cradles the back of your head, letting you sob into his shirt. You take a deep breath, letting his familiar scent calm you- wait.

You freeze and your stomach drops. It’s not Shoyo. They're bigger, enough to cradle you against their chest. They’re whispering soothing words into your hair, and you hear a familiar accent, leaning back quickly enough to send a wave of dizziness through you and you sway for a moment.

“Woah, what’s wrong?” Atsumu asks, moving his hands to your hip and back to steady you. Your wide eyes meet his and he tilts his head slightly in confusion. “(Y/N), hey sweetheart, you okay? Gave me quite the scare there earlier ya know?” You continue to stare at him until he waves a hand in front of your face, breaking whatever spell you were under.

You blink a few times, shaking your head slightly as the corner of his mouth quirked up. You look back at him, brows furrowed, cringing when you hear your voice, hoarse after however long of crying. “’Tsumu? What’re you doing here? Where’s Sho?” He raises an eyebrow at your question, lifting his hand to wipe a tear from your cheek.

“Whaddya mean? You called me cryin’ an’ askin’ me to come here to keep ya company. Speakin’ of, what in the world is wrong? What’s got you so sad sweetcheeks?” Your face heats at the nickname.

“Oh, ‘m sorry, I meant to call Sho, he knows; it’s- today is-” He embraces you as a fresh wave of tears springs from your eyes. You can hear the rumble of his chest as he speaks, breath fanning your ear. “It’s all ok, ya don’t haveta cry, I can call chibi if you want him instead of me, it's no prob-“ You shake your head, cutting him off.

“No, s’kay. Thanks for being here ‘Tsumu, sorry I pretty much threw myself into your lap when you sat down.” You rub an eye, feeling awfully close to a toddler. He chuckles and combs your hair back, tilting your chin up so you’re looking him in the eye. “No needta thank me doll, and I won’t object to a pretty thing like you throwing themselves into my lap, though I’d enjoy it more if you weren’t crying. Now, d’ya wanna tell me what made you cry a river in here. Or at least what I can do to help.”

You curl inward slightly, not sure how to explain your wants at this moment, the emotions tangling in your chest too raw to name. You use actions to express your needs as words continue to fail you. You shift in his lap, straddling him instead of the awkward side hug you were doing before. You break eye contact, looking anywhere but him, feeling awkward and exposed. He snorts softly and his hands run up your knees, palm flat against your thighs, up and over your hips to splay against your back, bringing you back to his chest. Your pals lay flat against his sides, sliding along his ribcage and then south, fisting the fabric against his lower back as you rested your cheek on his shoulder. You waited and waited but the tears didn’t come, you could feel the tear tracts cool on your cheeks, trying to put your feelings into words.

A shudder than through his body as he felt you sigh into his neck, arms wrapping tighter around you, pulling you closer, until you were flush against him. The minutes passed by as the two of you stayed wrapped around each other, you breathing the only sound in the apartment. You sighed again, pulling away from him slightly to lean back to look at him. He searched your face, taking in the emotions clouding your eyes, thumbs rubbing circles into your hips soothingly. You gave him a weary smile and took a deep breath, looking down at your hands as you spoke.

“I don’t know if Sho told you about this, but about 6 months before I met you guys I got out of a pretty serious relationship, I mean it was my first relationship and the breakup hit me really hard. The day of the dinner was one of the first times I had truly felt myself again.

“We got together in our first year of high school. We had been friends years before that. God, I had a crush on him for so long, I can’t remember anyone before that.” Your voice is whispy, reminiscing on a better time. “I wasn't a manager that first year, though I was around often enough that I helped where I could. I was at almost every practice, which is how I got acquainted with the other first years. He was still guarded and grumpy then, so I was friends with everyone first, and we all slowly warmed up to each other.

“When he asked me out at the end of the year, after saying goodbye to the third years, it just- it felt so right, like this is supposed to happen. I was a manager our last two years and by graduation the six of us were close. We managed to stay in touch and visit each other whenever possible. Sho had gone to travel, Kei to Sendai for school, Hitoka and Tadashi stayed for school before she went to Tokyo and he stayed in Miyagi. Tobio was picked up by the national team immediately after graduation, to play in Rio. I was accepted into a university in Osaka, and he moved in with me when he got back.” You ignored the way Atsumu’s hands tightened their grip when you said his name.

“It was perfect, we- we were doing fine, or at least I thought we were.” Your voice cracked and you took a shuddering breath before continuing. “He traveled between Tokyo and Osaka a lot and of course for games but it never bothered me, I knew what I was getting into. Eventually, Sho came back, and joined your team, moving into an apartment not far from ours. I was so happy.” You whispered the last sentence, afraid if you said it too loud it’d sound like a lie.

“I hadn’t noticed any changes, he didn’t seem withdrawn or unaffectionate, he was like he always was, until he wasn’t. He came home one night and said he didn’t love me like that anymore, that he couldn’t love me the way I loved him. He- he said he tried to, he said he tried for a long time, in case it was a slump but it wasn’t. And all-all I could think about was the way he said it, like he had been thinking about this for a long time, he looked so tired like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders as he told me the last who knows how long was a lie.

“He left and stayed at a teammate's house until he could get an apartment. He moved close by, I still don’t know why he didn’t move to Tokyo. Sho came and stayed with me for a few days, until I kicked him out so he could focus on the tournament that was coming up. He kept in touch with Tobio, and would update me when I asked.

“That was a year ago, and I know I should be over him, and I am, or I thought I was until I realized what today was and- and everything, all the emotions I had pushed down came back up, no longer letting me ignore them. All the grief and anger and insecurity kept rising and rising until I thought I was gonna drown. Which is when I called Sho, or at least I thought I did.” The corner of your mouth twitched into a small smile as you met his gaze.

But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it

“I- I think it would’ve been easier if he hurt too, if I saw that it affected him even half as much, because that would mean he had felt something, he had loved me at one point. And I don’t know, maybe he came to terms with it before he ended it, but seeing him with someone else, not even 3 weeks later just rubbed salt too deep into the wound that just seeing them happy together sent me into tears. When I ran into them days after I found out, when I saw with my own eyes how good he was, how happy he was without me; I don’t know how long I cried, but it was suffocating, it had such a tight grip on me I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t even realize Sho was there until he was hugging me.” You watched your tears fall onto your hands, leaving droplets on his pants. You took in a shuddering breath, suddenly meeting his gaze.

“I just- I don’t know what wrong with me, why can’t I let myself be happy?” Your voice cracked, and you brought a hand to your face, embarrassment simmering low in your gut. Atsumu gently pried your hand away from your face, replacing it with his own as he cupped your cheek. He wiped the tears that fell from your lashes with his thumb. He brought you forward to kiss the crown of your head before returning his gaze to you.

“Doll, look at me. There is nothing wrong with you, ya hear? Your heart was broken, it ain’t gonna fix itself in a day. You will be happy, I promise. Whenever we lose someone we love, a piece of us goes with them. He was sucha huge part of your life, I’d be more worried if you weren’t sad. I can’t say when, but one day you’ll notice it hurts less and less until you barely notice it. Until then you have me and everyone else to help you, so don’t hesitate to lean on us when you need to, got it?”

Your bottom lip wobbled and your eyes were glassy with tears yet again, though this time for a different reason. You threw your arms around his neck and crushed him into you as you cried his name. “I didn’t know you were such a softie! I bet no ones gonna believe me when I tell ‘em.” He wrapped his arms around you again, you were so close you could feel his laughter in his chest. “Yeah, and I didn’t know ya were such a cry baby.” You snorted and pulled away, “That’s on you, I am a well-known cry baby.”

You matched his grin, feeling lighter. You pulled yourself off his lap, but he didn’t let you get very far, pulling you into his side, your legs thrown over his thighs as you turned on the TV. You ended up falling asleep on your couch together, your neck cramped and you found out you drool, but it was worth it.

But I guess good for you

The next few months went by relatively quickly. There were a few hiccups, mostly on holidays, but you listened to what Atsumu had told you and you leaned on your friends during those times. Speaking of Atsumu, while you two were close before, after that night you felt even closer. You found yourself at the apartment he shared with Shoyo more and more. You came to every MSBY game you could, usually helping Osamu run his booth.

When you weren’t with him, Atsumu would often find you helping his brother run orders at the restaurant; under the guise of an apology for annoying him so often, but both twins saw how happy you were when you were working. Eventually, Osamu just gave you a position there, because he didn’t want to get caught exploiting free labor, not because he liked you or anything, you were just as annoying as his brother- or so he says.

The blonde hadn’t noticed just how much time the two of you spent together until you went to visit Yachi in Tokyo for a week, and had odd chunks of time with nothing to do. It was confusing, and frankly off-putting how different it was when you weren’t around. Everyone noticed of course, and teased him for it, more the team than Osamu, because he couldn’t deny he missed you too.

Despite your protests that it was just a 2-hour train ride from Tokyo, and maybe another 10-minute ride to the stop near your apartment, Atsumu insisted on picking you up from the station during your call earlier. “ ‘M not taking no for an answer doll, I’m picking ya up.” You rolled your eyes at his stubbornness and sighed. “Fine, but I’m venoming you for the gas, no ifs ands or buts about it.” You smiled at the sound of his groan from the other line, good thing you were just as stubborn.

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily

You were idly scrolling through your Instagram feed, about 10 minutes away from Osaka when you saw a glimpse of a ring, you scrolled back up and read the caption. ‘I’m the luckiest man in the world’ followed by a picture of what must’ve been Yumi’s hand, and adorned on her left ring finger was a large, and no doubt expensive, engagement ring. 6 months ago it would’ve summoned tears, but now you smile faintly, commenting your congratulations before scrolling past. Atsumu was right, eventually, it started to hurt less and less and now it was barely there.

You stood up when the announcement of your arrival in Osaka rang overhead, tucking your phone away and grabbing your bags to exit the train car. You immediately spotted your chauffeur, thanks mostly to the gaggle of young girls surrounding him as he laughed and signed autographs. You walked slowly, trying to buy time until they left but (un?)fortunately he spotted you. A wide grin stretched his features and you couldn’t help but reciprocate, lifting your hand in a small wave. He turned back to the girls and said something before breaking through, jogging towards you as you met him halfway.

You had an amused look on your face from his theatrics and the wide gazes of the girls he left behind. “Hey.” He said when he stopped in front of you. You snorted, “Hey.” He pouted at your tease, which only made it more funny, before rolling his eyes and taking some of your bags, giving you a pointed look when you tried to object. You huffed and walked next to him towards the exit.

You startled slightly when his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you by your hip into his side. You looked up at him but he kept his gaze ahead, though you could see the slight flush to his cheeks and the slight twitch of a grin. You reciprocated, hooking your thumb through the belt loop by his hip as you kept your gaze ahead, his stare bringing a slight heat to your face.

He laughed lightly and you two continued out to his car where he tried to make you sit in the back seat because “ it’s not professional for a chauffeur to let their passenger sit up front.” You laughed before letting your face fall into a mock-serious stare and said “no.” in the best deadpan tone you could conjure up before climbing in.

You raised an eyebrow as you looked at him when he didn’t start the car. His hands were on the steering wheel and he was looking ahead in thought. “Atsumu?” He looked at you, smiling softly, still not saying anything. “Uhh you okay? Do I really need to sit in the back for you to be able to drive because-“ He laughed, waving your concerns off. “No, no, I’ll allow it this once. Sorry for spacin’ out, I’m happy yer home.” You looked at him incredulously, “ I was 2 hours away ‘tsumu.” You see a faint flush creep up his neck and he clears his throat, turning back to the wheel and turning on the car. ‘I know, I just missed ya ‘s all.”

You were just able to make out his dejected mumble, quietly huffing in amusement as you glanced down briefly before turning to look forward, biting back the smile at his flinch when you grabbed his hand, bringing it to your lap as you intertwined your fingers. “I missed you too, ya big softie.” Smiling, he squeezes your palm before focusing on the road, and you feel something stir, a bud sprouting from the once hollow place in your chest. It hasn’t bloomed yet, but you have a feeling it will soon.

#my writing #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyu #miya atsumu #miya atsumu x y/n #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu x you #atsumu x reader #atsumu x y/n #atsumu x you #haikyuu atsumu

65 notes · View notes

plumso · 3 years

Text

sweet escape

pairing: Draco Malfoy x Fem!reader

summary: Y/N, unhappy in her current relationship, seeks solace and silence to be alone with her thoughts. Thus, the Room of Requirement appears in her time of need. She has made it her escape from people and her problems, but she then quickly realizes that she is not the only one in the room.

warnings: angst, breakup, arguments

A/N: Hello! This is my first Draco fanfic, and I hope you like it! I have never been a major Draco fan, so it was a bit of a struggle to portray his image and character. I hope I did his complex personality justice!

I do not give permission for my work to be reposted!

music suggestion: Matter to You by Sasha Sloan

I do not own the image

Surrounded by her warm and bustling group of friends, which have stuck together since the beginning of their first year at Hogwarts, Y/N sighed lamentably, her energy not matching that of her friends. They were all roaring in the excitement in the Great Hall; after all, it was the first breakfast of their sixth year, and though times were dark in the wizarding world, they were hopeful that they can make this year the best one yet. However, troubled by her worries and lost in her thoughts, she paid no mind to their conversation. Though she thought that she kept her sentiments hidden, they all noticed this.

“Y/N, are you okay? You’ve been down since we were on the train,” said Ginny worriedly.

Y/N snapped out of her thoughts and shook her head fervently. “I’m perfectly fine! It’s just… the weather is really affecting me today,” replied Y/N nervously.

Her group of friends shared a look, wondering how the day's clear, blue sky could dampen her mood. They could sense that something was wrong; in fact, they noticed her change in behavior since the end of their fifth year.

Y/N was an astonishingly kind person; she would comfort any student who approached her with their struggles, for she secreted this mysterious, soothing aura. It came as no surprise that everyone came to love and adore her sweet, honey-like demeanor. However, her friends, including her boyfriend Dean, noticed how she has never come to them with her troubles. And so, they waited till she felt comfortable in opening herself up.

Dean, who sat next to her, wrapped one of his arms around her shoulder. “You know, you can always talk to me about your problems, right?” He said quietly into her ears.

Y/N sheepishly smiled while gently rubbing his arm. “I’m fine!” exclaimed Y/N as she gives a reassuring look to all her friends. “Seriously, don’t worry about me. There’s nothing wrong. I’m just a bit tired these days, that’s all.”

Though it did not do much to ease their worries, they reluctantly dropped the subject and recapitulated their previous conversations. Y/N sighed to herself, pleased that she did not expose any more of her melancholy than she already did. And though she appreciated the worries from her boyfriend and friends, she could not stop the guilt-ridden in her heart. She glanced up to Dean and stared as he converses with their friends.

Dating ever since their second year at Hogwarts, they were constantly seen holding hands or giggling in every class they shared. Multitudes of teachers and students even exclaimed how they were the cutest couple in their year.

It all started when a bludger headed towards Y/N during a quidditch match. Its speed was unmatched, struck by a beater known for their crazy strength. And when Dean, who sat next to her, pulled her away from it, the crowd roared. Not long after did they start to date, and fortunately, they both seriously liked each other. Dean adored her gentleness while she thought he was the perfect boyfriend; he was attentive, caring, and incredibly mature. Plus, he saved her life! She remembers how Lee Jordan explained that one knock from that bludger would have sent her straight to the grave.

‘But if he’s the perfect boyfriend, then… why don’t I feel happy?’

Still staring at his face, he turned his head towards her, shocked to catch her gaze but then giving her a sweet smile. She reciprocates his smile and then swiftly turns her head away, a pang of guilt hitting her chest.

Feeling overwhelmed with all her troubled thoughts and feelings, she stood up from her seat. “I completely forgot one of my books in my dorm!” She quickly gathered her stuff and brushed off her robes before placing a soft peck on Dean’s cheek. “Sorry, guys. I’ll see you all in class!” She exclaimed, not allowing her friends to say anything before she ran off in a hurry.

Dean eyed her figure as she disappeared from the Great Hall, concern evident on his face. He felt the two starting to drift, but he did not know what he could do to stop it. Dean wondered if she had also noticed this, yet he was too afraid to ask. And so, he quickly pushed away his worries and continues conversing with their friends.

Strolling down the bustling halls of Hogwarts, Y/N kept her head down, thoughts still swirling in her mind. She feared these feelings; after years of being together, she felt like she was betraying Dean and all his kindness. They did everything together, whether it be their homework or their summers. They even had the same friends! How is she going to chase away this strange, unhappy feeling when she is with Dean?

Not realizing that she wandered off into a quieter area in the school, she looked up to see a strange door in a corridor. “Isn’t this…” Y/N said to herself as she studied its patterns, “the Room of Requirement?”

The Room of Requirement was known to only be visible for those in great need of it. And so, it was not much of a shock when Dumbledore's Army utilized its space and secrecy to learn DADA, much to the scorn of Dolores Umbridge. However, as soon as the conflict ended with Umbridge kidnapped by centaurs near the end of their fifth year, it quietly vanished. And so, when its door randomly appeared in front of Y/N, she was shocked.

“Am I that much in need for it…?”

She cautiously looked around, making sure that no one saw her before she entered the room. Seeing that the room was completely different from the time when she was learning DADA from Harry, her mouth hung open in awe. The room had towers of ancient, rare books that were declared lost, and filled with random gold objects that seem to cost a fortune. And though her life was ridden by witches and wizards that did wonders no muggle could ever imagine, she found the room to be the true epitome of magic. And so, it became her secret escape.

For the next few days, Y/N would find ways to get out of hanging out with her friends and run to her new home. She would then use the time to gather up random furniture in the room and conjure up all her extra blankets and pillows to make a little nook for herself. It was the perfect place for her to relax and to forget all her worries.

After weeks of frequent visits to the room, Y/N realizes that she was not the only one in need of a room. Hiding underneath one of her cozy blankets, she peaked out to see who the blonde visitor could be. Much to her shock, it was none other than Draco Malfoy. She observed from afar as the other blonde visitor frequently examined what she later figured out was a Vanishing Cabinet.

Y/N did not know much about Draco, involved too deeply in her personal life, but she found his actions incredibly suspicious. She wondered if the room was safe now that Draco was using it but increasing desperation to escape, especially when Dean was starting to get more suspicious of her actions, made it impossible to abandon it all. And so, she found it fit to investigate Draco and to figure out what his intentions with the cabinet were.

“Draco is bad news,” Harry said as Y/N walked with him to their next class. “His whole family is aligned with Voldemort. I can assure that to you, Y/N.”

“Don’t take Harry’s accusations too seriously, Y/N. He’s just weirdly suspicious of Draco this year.” Hermione said reassuringly, waving off Harry’s serious comments. “But… he is an awful person. He’s bullied countless people, even me! Who even cares if I’m a mudblood…” Hermione grumbles while she fiddles with the sleeves of her robe.

Ron laughs. “You should have seen her, Y/N! She punched Draco’s stupid face in our third year. It was wicked!” He exclaimed proudly, causing Hermione to punch his shoulder, a hidden smile painted on her face.

Y/N gulped. Though she expected numerous rumors about Draco, she did not expect him to be involved with He-who-shall-not-be-named. “Thanks, guys.”

Unfortunately, the investigation did not help as much as she thought it would. And so, she resorted to pure luck that she would arrive at the room before Draco. This meant sprinting to the room as fast as she could or peering at every corner, wary of his approaching figure. However, she quickly realizes that it was a faulty plan as she stares at the shocked blonde-haired boy before her.

“Draco! What are you doing here?” Y/N nervously said while she tightly clutches the wand hidden in her robes.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Draco spitefully retorted. He eyed Y/N up and down, incredibly shocked to see another person other than him in the Room of Requirement. “Wait… Aren’t you Dean Thompson’s girl?”

Y/N smiled in response, but it was greatly strained. “Uh, yes. I’m Y/N.”

“Don’t tell me this is where you and Dean Thompson come to snog,” he said with disgust.

Y/N’s eyes widened. “No! Not at all! Dean doesn’t know about this place,” she quickly said. “I just… come here to think.”

Draco looked at her in disbelief, seeing straight through her awkward façade. “I don’t believe you.” He eyed her for a while, suspicious as to what her purpose was. After all, his mission as a Death Eater was of utmost importance, according to his father. If anyone were to learn of his plans, it would completely expose him and his family. “... Are you spying on me?”

“No! Why would I even spy on you?” Y/N exclaimed, glancing at the Vanishing Cabinet behind him. Draco noticed this and shuffled in front of it. “… What are you doing here?”

“It’s none of your business,” Draco spats. Noticing Y/N’s growing suspicion, he started to panic. His mind raced with multiple excuses or retorts to reflect the attention away from the mysterious cabinet behind him. “… I also come here to think.”

The two stood in silence for a while, unsure of what to say or do. It was not until Draco coughed to break the silence that seemed to eat them up alive.

“Well, I was just about to leave,” Draco said as he shoved Y/N away to get to the door. Before he opened it, he paused and looked back at her. “Don’t tell anyone about this place or the fact I was here... Y/L/N.” And with that, he quickly disappeared.

After that weird encounter, Y/N and Draco kept running into each other in the Room of Requirement. Draco was annoyed by her presence and kept trying to scare her away. However, Y/N knew this was related to his strange connection with the cabinet, thus wanting to interfere. She could not quite figure out why she was suspicious of his actions, but Y/N knew that she had to stop him. Plus, she despairingly needed an outlet, and the Room of Requirement was her only sanctuary.

“Back again, Y/L/N? You must not have any friends.” Draco chortled as he laid against one of the furniture in Y/N’s little nook with one of her fluffy pillows behind his head.

Y/N laughed, casually taking a seat next to him. “What are you talking about? Aren’t you my friend, Draco?”

He rolled his eyes, turning his head away to hide his smirk. “Who would want to be friends with a witch like you?”

In the beginning, the two were constantly annoyed with each other. After all, the two had reasons why they were using the room, and their presence impeded it. However, the two were stubborn, and neither wanted to back down. Eventually, after days and weeks of short arguments (with Draco usually doing all the yelling while Y/N timidly tries to switch the conversation), they started becoming used to their company, now even expecting it. She even got over the fact that he was a Death Eater.

Draco never told nor even planned on telling her, but she had already known for a while. She saw a glimpse of it when he rolled his sleeves up to move one of the tables for her to make their napping nook bigger.

She was incredibly shocked. Although Draco spoke of how his father used to be a Death Eater for Voldemort, he never told her that Draco, himself, associated with the evil bunch. After all, Y/N knew his mean exterior was a façade created by years of pressure and failed parenting from Lucius. While slowly getting to know him, she quickly grasped the depths of his insecurity plus her growing dislike for his father. However, when she saw his mark, it swiftly bogged down this image she had of him.

With his figure turned away from her, she quickly clutched her wand hidden in her bag, ready to aim it at him. But, when he placed down the hefty table while genuinely laughing from a joke he made, Y/N’s glare softened. Guilt panged her heart as she slowly puts down her wand.

‘No... Draco probably didn't have a choice,' Y/N thought. ‘He would never have wanted to be a Death Eater.’

Y/N hurriedly hid her wand behind her back as Draco turned around, a grin plastered on his face.

“So, you’re just going to sit there while I do all the hard work?” He sarcastically asked.

Y/N laughed while shuffling the wand into her bag behind her before standing up to join him. “Sorry about that. Let me help you with that.”

Y/N knew he was reserved like her, and so she was not surprised that he never talked about it, though they shared almost everything about themselves. But then again, she has not even shared her biggest regret: she was not in love with Dean.

***

Unfortunately, Y/N's fears started to become reality as her relationship with Dean strained with each sweet escape to the room. Ironically, it only increased her worries, causing her to yearn for her hidden spot even more.

“Y/N, talk to me! Are you just going to ignore what’s wrong between us?” Dean frustratingly asked as he holds on to her wrist, stopping her from running away from their argument. Not too long ago were they peacefully studying in the common room while their friends went to watch a quidditch friendly until Dean brought up the tension in their relationship. Y/N did not respond to it well.

Y/N shook her head fervently, tears of frustration brimming her eyes. “What are you talking about? Nothing is wrong!” She exclaimed, shaking his hand off her.

Dean groans as he scratches his head in frustration. “Why don’t you get real? Nothing has been right since the year began! You’ve been strangely down ever since, yet you never talk to me about it! Are you sure you even love me?!”

Y/N froze as her eyes widened out of shock. She was sure that Dean did not mean those words, yet they struck her like it was some sort of… revelation. Did she really love him? Is that why she felt so trapped? All kinds of thoughts start to swirl her mind, overwhelmed with the guilt that came with the questions.

“I-I have to go.”

Before Dean could stop her again, she ran out of the room and headed to the only place she could go - the Room of Requirement. She prayed that Draco would not be there. She did not want him to see her at her weakest, most pathetic moment, but when she saw his sullen figure and mysterious blue eyes that widened at the sight of her tears, she sighed in relief as she ran into his arms.

Though confused and greatly worried about her messy state, he did not question it. He continued to hold her tightly in his arms, combing her hair with his slender fingers as she continues to sob through his shirt. It pained him to see her cry like this, and he knew exactly the reason behind her tears.

After Y/N calmed down a bit, they both sat at the little nook in silence, excluding her sniffs. Draco gazed at Y/N as she kept rubbing the small tears that escaped her eyes, frustrated that she could not stop crying.

“It’s Dean, isn’t it?”

Y/N froze. She did not expect Draco to be so upfront, considering how she never spoke of her worries about Dean. “How did you know?” She asked quietly.

Draco sighed. “It's quite obvious. Every time you spoke of him, which was rare, you had this… sad look on your face. Plus, why else would you spend your time stuck with me and not with him?” He added with a little smile on his face.

Y/N chuckled slightly at his comment. “Sometimes I forget that you’re smart, Draco.”

In response, Draco shuffled away from Y/N, causing her to laugh and hold on to his arm, pulling him back closer to her. “I’m kidding! Please don’t get mad!”

Draco shook his head as he lightly chuckled. “So, what are you going to do now?”

“I… don’t know,” Y/N said with a heavy sigh. She bit her lip, wanting to finally share her deepest fear to Draco yet fearing that he will find it bothersome and annoying.

Draco noticed this look and sighed. Though he adored her kindness and immense consideration, he found it frustratingly annoying how she always downplayed her problems. As the only person who did not turn away from him and genuinely laughed at his mean jokes, he thought she deserved the world. And so, it saddened him that she did not think highly of herself.

“You know,” Draco said as he continues to gaze at her sullen figure, “you're incredibly stubborn. It doesn't matter if you find your problems annoying or not, I'll listen to them all. I thought you would know this by now, considering the weeks we've spent together. But now, I see that you need the affirmation, so here it is: When it comes to you, Y/N,” Draco placed a finger under her chin to turn her head to face his, thus locking their eyes into each other, “I could listen to all your problems.”

Lost inside the deep, blue ocean that is his eyes, she felt her heart leap right to her throat, begging to escape. Electricity ran throughout her body, her cheeks flushed red, and her mind absolutely blank, yet she felt like she was melting under his gaze. She could not comprehend the immense emotion within her as she gawked at the incredibly handsome, blonde boy, but Y/N knew it was something she has never felt before.

Snapping out of the trance she was in, Y/N hastily turned away from Draco and nodded in response. She took a few seconds to calm down from the blushing mess Draco made her before finally sharing her dreaded fears that she had been escaping for years. “Thank you, Draco.”

***

"Dean... we need to talk."

After pouring out her heart to Draco and embarrassingly sobbing in his arms, he helped her finally reach a revelation: she needs to break up with Dean.

Dean sighed as he placed down his book, relieved that Y/N had finally come to her senses. He patted the seat next to him. "Sit."

Y/N sighed as she sat down on the couch and fiddled with her fingers. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting these days. I've been completely rude to everyone, including you."

Dean shook his head, wrapping his arms around her. "No, you don't have to apologize, Y/N. I completely understand. Things have... changed between us, and I think we both noticed."

Y/N widened her eyes in shock. She never even fathomed that Dean has also been struggling with the same feeling. A rush of relief ran past through her, decreasing the stress that she never knew anchored her down. "Dean... I think we were both too young to know what love was. I-I mean, I cherished you greatly, and I was happy being with you, but I don't think we're truly in love with each other."

Dean sighed in relief. "Honestly, I'm so glad you said that. I was thinking the same thing, but I was too guilty to realize it."

The two looked at each other in shock for a while before falling into a burst of laughter. It was funny how the two struggled and avoided guilty emotions for a long time before finally confronting them, only realize that they felt the same way. It was a great relief to both of them.

Y/N sighs in relief as she then rests her head on his shoulder. He responds by laying down his head on top of hers. "I know we're breaking up and all, but... I want to stay as friends. Though we weren't the perfect couple, we are incredibly great friends."

Dean chuckled. "We really are, aren't we?" He gently rubbed her arms as he, too, sighed in relief. "I like the sound of that. Friends."

The two continued to chat for a while, finally pouring out their thoughts and feelings that they have kept hidden. Though Dean was scared to tell her, Y/N was incredibly pleased and supportive when he told her that he started to fancy Ginny. Though she did not tell Dean about her feelings for Draco, she did reveal that she might have fallen in love.

"Love? You're in love with someone?!" Dean said, shock and excitement evident in his voice.

Y/N shook her head fervently, her cheeks flushing red. "Maybe! I don't know... it's different when I'm with him. I don't really understand these feelings, to be honest."

"Well... whoever this person may be, I hope he treats you well," Dean said sweetly, affectionately placing a small kiss on her cheek. "You deserve it."

Y/N smiled. "Thank you, Dean. You deserve to fall in love also... and I hope it goes well with Ginny."

Dean laughed, and the two continued to chatter away into the night.

***

Days passed since the break-up, and everyone was incredibly shocked by the news of the Hogwart's favorite couple's break-up, especially when they saw the two still comfortably hanging out with each other. Their friends, too, were surprised to see the two still harmonious, but they eventually adjusted to the new dynamic.

Y/N, genuinely happy since she first entered her sixth year, stood in front of the familiar door. She took a deep breath before entering. As the door gently closed behind her, she looked around for the familiarly blonde streak. However, Draco was nowhere to be found.

“He would usually be here by now,” Y/N said to herself as she continued to whip her head around, hoping to spot the blonde-haired boy.

After quite some time of searching, she gave up and walked to her quaint nook. Though planned to be a place for reading or studying, its warmth and comfiness were perfect for napping. And so, she was pleasantly surprised when she found the Slytherin boy fast asleep with a fuzzy blanket on top of him.

Y/N quietly approached the sleeping boy before gently sitting next to his feet. She gazed at his peaceful face with a smile, wondering if he were happily dreaming. She thoroughly analyzed every detail of his features as if she were embedding the image in her mind forever. After all, this was one of the rare moments in which Draco let down his guard. She could not pass up this opportunity.

Her eyes then wandered to his arm. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, revealing the Death Mark that he so desperately hated. Y/N then remembered the many time when she saw him staring sadly at his dreaded mark or when he would unconsciously scratch it when he was talking about his problems to her or when lost in thought.

Y/N snapped out of her thought when she heard Draco stirring awake next to her. He groaned as he stretched his body, his feet touching her arms. He realized this and gently nudged her with it, causing her to giggle. Draco then smirked before getting up and sitting up straight next to her.

“Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty. How was your sleep?” Y/N teasingly said with a huge smile on her face, staring at the wonderful bed head that he sported.

Draco playfully glared at her while running a hand through his hair. Though he would never admit it to her, he was happy with her presence. She always eased his worries, her laughs immediately diminishing the pressures and expectations from his parents that seemed to eat him up bit by bit. “It was amazing… until you came along to ruin it,” he said as he gently nudges her with his shoulder.

Y/N laughed as she shook her head. “How was your day?” Y/N said as she mindlessly looked elsewhere, particularly at the tower of books that leaned over their little nook.

After a minute with no response from Draco, Y/N sighed in exasperation before repeating her question. “Draco, did you hear me? I asked how your da-“

“Did you see it?” Draco said with a stern tone. He stared at his death mark which was visible the whole time he was sleeping. He knew that Y/N would have for sure it. Yet, he was desperately hoping that she did not, afraid of what she would think of him if she knew that he had the mark.

Sensing the serious tone in his voice, Y/N quickly turned her head towards Draco. Shocked and unsure of what to say, she sat in silence with her mouth hung open.

“Y/N. Did you see it?” Draco repeated but louder and more sternly. He then turned to her, revealing the tears that were brimming his eyes.

It caught Y/N off guard, her heart banging against her chest. Draco has shown vulnerability to her before, but he has never cried in front of her.

She reached for his hands, but he instantly drew them away, causing her heart to ache even more. “…Yes. I did.”

Draco groaned, burying his head into his hands. Y/N saw his tears of anguish falling onto the ground and staining it. Her eyes stung as Draco's sullen figure breaks down in front of her.

“… Get away from me.” He muttered scornfully, but it sounded muffled between his tears.

This was his greatest fear; after getting closer to Y/N, he came to fear the day in which she would find out about his true identity. During lonely nights, he would imagine himself telling her about his mark. He knew that she would, for sure, run and tell Potter as soon as he told her, but he liked to imagine her embracing him, not caring about his mark but rather his pain and struggles. But he quickly dismissed the thought. After all, who would ever feel sorry for a Death Eater?

“Go!” He exclaimed, anguish evident in his voice.

Y/N adamantly shook her head, then hugging his figure from behind, much to Draco's shock. “No, Draco. I’m not leaving,” she quietly said, though shakingly.

Draco tried to shake her off, but that only made her hold onto him tighter. “Draco, I already knew about it!” She exclaimed.

He froze. “…What?”

“I saw it long before today,” she said with a sigh, “and I honestly don’t care about it.”

Draco turns to face her, his eyes were red from the tears. “What are you trying to say?”

Y/N stared at his pain-ridden face and could not help but cup his cheek, wiping the remaining tears with her thumb. Soothed by her gentle touch, his gaze softened.

“I know we never talked about it, but… I knew what you were struggling with. I even knew what you were trying to do with the Vanishing Cabinet,” she said with a glance at the cabinet that stood a few feet away from them. “But this mark… it’s not you.”

His eyes widened. He was in complete shock.

Y/N heavily sighed before taking his hands into hers. “Draco, you are much more amazing than you think, and I’m not talking about your status or family. I’m talking about you as a person. I honestly think you are the strongest person I have ever met. You go through so much crap with your family and have to follow whatever they want you to do, and I’m shocked by how you handle it all.” Y/N shakingly said with her head down, hiding the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. “I can’t even imagine how scary your life must be, and yet you continue to hang out with my lonely self,” she said with a little laugh, causing Draco to chuckle also.

Draco then puts his hand on her cheeks and lifts her head. Their eyes then lock into each other, and they both fall into a deep, intimate gaze. They often shared intimate gazes, usually when they are doing their homework or just sitting in silence, but this time, it felt different. Unspoken words that they were too often afraid to say aloud seemed to be expressed solely through their eyes.

Draco then shifts his gaze to her lips, causing Y/N to quiver. Then, as if there was a magnetic pull between them, their faces inches closer before their lips touched.

Time seemed to stop as the world around them grew quiet. Their minds were blank, their focus solely on the touch that they both yearned for quite some time. Y/N felt his tear fall onto her cheek, but she paid it no mind as she deepened their kiss.

Then reluctantly breaking apart the kiss, they stared into each other's eyes in awe, the electricity that ran through them as they kissed still resonating.

"Wow," Y/N quietly said. "We should have done this long ago."

Draco chuckled before pulling her into an embrace, laying his head on top of hers. "Believe me, I wanted to, even when you were still with Thompson."

Y/N laughed before playfully hitting his arm, then falling back into his arms. "Draco... I think I'm in love with you."

Draco bit his lip, tears threatening to leave his eyes again. "...Are you sure? Even when I'm a-"

"Yes," Y/N stated sternly as she rubbed the arm that held his mark. "I don't care if you are one or not. I am so incredibly in love with you."

Draco laughed in relief. Never in his wildest imagination would the girl he so lovingly adores would accept him and his darkest fears. He could feel himself falling for the girl, even more so than he already has.

"You don't have to be so cheesy about it," said Draco teasingly, causing Y/N to hit his arm again, which causes him to laugh. "...But I love you also. More than you know."

The two smile at each other, falling deeper into their embrace. The silence envelops the two as they continue to sway and hold tightly onto each other. They silently thanked whatever being or thing that fated the two to meet, for it led them to this perfect moment.

"... Thank you," Draco said as he leaned his forehead gently against hers, gazing deeply into the eyes he swiftly fell in love with.

#draco malfoy #draco #draco x you #hp #hp fanfic #harry potter #draco fanfiction #draco x reader #draco malfoy fanfic #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagine #draco x y/n #hp fandom

211 notes · View notes

jerkbitchidjitassbutt · 3 years

Text

It Was You (Part Two)

A/N: Jensen and Y/n are childhood best friends. When his agent informs him that his image could use some improvement for a role, will she help him? Or will her feelings get in the way?

Read Part One Here!

A holiday (Christmas centric) Jensen x Female!Reader Best Friends to Lovers series for @spnchristmasbingo. This chapter and others will fill the square of ‘fake dating’. Un-beta’d, so all mistakes are mine. Header created by me with images from Google. Chapter word count: 3284

Series Warnings: angst-ish at times (if you squint), but mostly all the fluff.

I consider this an AU, as Jensen is single in this fic. This is completely a work of fiction, and I wouldn’t want his reality to be any different, this is purely for entertainment.

Jensen returned home right around 3:30 and went to his place to grab the beer he’d promised Y/n before heading to her apartment, his mind still reeling from the conversation he’d had with Stacy.

Letting himself in, as he always did, Jensen called as soon as he stepped into the entryway, “Sweetheart? It’s me.”

When he entered, he found you lying on the couch with your arm covering your eyes, and soft sniffles were coming from your direction. You were huddled in a mess of blankets and tissues littered the floor surrounding you.

Jensen quickly set the beer on the counter and hurried to you, kneeling on the rug in front of your sofa and reaching towards you. “Hey… Y/n, what’s wrong?”

Pulling your arm away from your face, he was met with puffy, red eyes. You’d been crying.

“Oh, nothing.” You sniffed, wiping your eyes. “I just got dumped, is all.”

You quickly sat up as Jensen climbed onto your couch and pulled you into his arms. Honestly, it wasn’t that you were broken hearted in any way. Sure, Stephen had been nice and sweet, and you were sad to lose him in a way, but the tears were more for your own sorrow of no longer being with someone, which seemed to be more often than not lately.

“I just don’t understand. What is it about me that I can’t just be with someone?” You cried.

Jensen simply swayed you back and forth as you curled into his chest and crawled into his lap. After a few minutes, you wiped your eyes once again as he said, “You know, any guy would have to be crazy for letting you go.”

It was another little jab to the heart, but he wouldn’t know why. You straightened up and took a deep breath. Your head was beginning to hurt from crying, and at this point you needed that beer he brought over. Running your hands through your hair, as you sat on the edge of the couch, Jensen seemed to read your mind as he quickly got up and returned with an opened beer for you.

“Thanks, Jay.” You said, taking a long drink.

He bent down and kissed your head before retreating to your kitchen. Peering over the island, you saw him taking down pots and pans and grabbing ingredients out of your fridge.

“What are you doing?” you called, standing and bringing your beer with you, leaning on the counter and watching him move from one end to the other as he emptied the contents of his arms onto the countertop.

“Well, it may not be your mom’s recipe, but I’m going to make you some chili. I know you were probably really looking forward to it, and I’m not gonna’ to let you go hungry.”

“You don’t have to do that. I can still cook.” You objected, even though the thought was exhausting in itself.

Jensen turned to you and began to chop an onion after setting the pot on the stove, “Nope. You sit your cute butt right there and watch me work.” He replied with a wink.

Smiling, you sat at your kitchen island and tried to avoid being a back-seat chef and allowed him to take the reins. He was a great cook, so you didn’t mind letting him do so. It wasn’t long before he had you laughing and clutching your sides. Between the way he was dancing around the kitchen and cursing when he made a mess, your mind had been cleared and you were in a much better mood. The situation with Stephen sucked, sure, but it wasn’t the worst breakup you’d endured. You’d find the one, eventually.

Jensen made the cornbread and put it in the oven while the chili simmered and came to sit on the stool next to you, bumping your shoulder with his and swiping your beer to finish it.

Clearing his throat, he dared to ask, “So, do you want to talk about it?”

You grabbed the bottle back from him, if only to hold and begin peeling the label, needing to fidget with something in your hands, “It’s not a big deal, really. It’s not like I’m super upset about it. Honestly, you were right. Stephen wasn’t the most exciting person, and I don’t think we really meshed well. He was sweet and everything, but I knew it wasn’t going to work out. It’s more of the fact that I was dumped, again. If you’re not in love, it’s easy to get over. Your hearts not broken.”

“I know, sweetheart. Trust me.” Jensen said with a small sigh.

“Have you ever been heartbroken, Jay?” you asked in a whisper.

“You remember when Allie dumped me the summer before senior year?” he laughed. “You never left my side. That was more of a high school type heartbreak though. I don’t know if that was real, you know?”

“Yeah, I do. Really. I’m sad about Stephen, but not in a heartbreak type of way.”

“What about you?” Jensen asked.

“Hmm?”

“Have you, uh… have you ever had your heart broken?”

You stiffened in his hold and took a deep breath, “Once.”

“Really?” he probed. “Who was it? Was it Tyler?”

You snorted, “Tyler was in tenth grade, dude.”

“I know, but still. I’ll kick his ass. Or whoever it was.”

A nervous bubble caught in your throat. He didn’t know, and he shouldn’t. “It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.”

“Well, again. They’re an idiot, whoever they are. Besides, you’ll always have me.”

You gave him a small smile, hoping to hide the pain that the memories brought with them.

Jensen draped his arm across your shoulders, allowing you to rest your head on his shoulder as you shook off the emotions from so long ago.

You continued, “He, um… he asked me about you, right before we had lunch. I don’t think he liked how close we are.”

Jensen pulled back a bit, an unreadable expression on his face, but you were quick to grab his hand and tug him back towards you, lacing your fingers with his, “but, I don’t care. I don’t want to be with anyone who can’t respect this friendship. We’ve been through everything together.”

With that, he smiled and squeezed your hand, bending his elbow so that you were almost in a headlock and he could plant his lips to your forehead. He lingered for a moment as you both sat, tangled in each other’s arms. He released your hand and ran his soothingly along your side before getting up to stir the chili.

It was true. You didn’t care who came along, Jensen would always be your best friend.

The two of you ate seated on your oversized sofa and watched Elf, a favorite of yours and Jensen’s, even if he wouldn’t admit it. Jensen was right – it wasn’t your mom’s chili, but it was damn good. Grabbing the last spoonful, you couldn’t help the moan that escaped as it landed on your tongue. Jensen’s eyes snapped to you, the sound making something within him stir.

Dropping the spoon in your bowl, you set it on the coffee table and leaned back, satisfied.

“That was amazing, dude. Remind me to tell you to cook more often.”

He laughed, grabbing your bowl and his and setting to work at the sink to load the dishwasher. You got up to help, but he snapped his fingers, making you sit back down with a grin.

“So, how was your meeting with Stacy today?”

He wiped his hands on the dish towel that hung on his shoulder after cutting of the sink, “Oh, uh…” he paused, looking down and busying himself with starting the dishwasher. “She brought me a script. It’s a different character, to say the least. A single dad who meets a small-town woman when he moves to a new place with his kids.”

“That’s interesting. What’d you think of it?”

“She’s going to send in my stuff, and we’ll see how that goes. I wouldn’t mind getting it… could be pretty cool.” He shrugged casually, but something in his expression told you he really wanted it. “It’s a really competitive part, though. A lot of interest, so she wants me to keep up my image.”

He returned to join you on the couch with a fresh beer, casually draping his legs across your lap as you asked, “What does that mean? You’ve got a good image. You’re not scandalous or anything.”

“Yeah, but I’m a ‘bachelor’.” He replied, using air quotes to indicate that Stacy used that term specifically. “She thinks I’d have a better shot at the part if I were in a relationship or something. Even threw around the idea of just finding someone to help me out for a bit so I could look like a committed man.” He huffed out a laugh at the ridiculous request.

You’d heard of some of the lengths agents would go through, but you could never imagine being asked to do something like that, even from your own. “You mean, like… a fake girlfriend?”

Leaning his back against the armrest, he stretched out as you scooted closer, with his knees coming to rest over your thighs and his legs extended as you both got comfortable. “Apparently, but I told her it was a bad idea. I wouldn’t feel right finding some random girl and selling a rouse.”

You nodded, your hands casually laying over his strong thighs, “That doesn’t sound like you, so yeah… I get how that could be hard.”

He sighed heavily before sipping his beer once more. Gruffly, he seemingly put the issue to bed for the time being, “Yeah, well you know how it is. If I get it, cool. If not, oh well. I’ll just keep up my appearances. Besides, I get to go to work with you every day now. Wouldn’t want to change that, right?” he nudged you with his foot, grinning at you.

Jensen had encouraged you to apply for a position on the show in season two and you were lucky enough to be considered. He’d been so excited that he’d flown you up from your shared hometown. Prior to that, you hadn’t seen him much since he moved to L.A. shortly after you’d both turned 18. The haunting memory of him driving away crept up as you studied his face, looking very much like the boy you’d always known but also the man he’d grown into. It’s in the past, you thought to yourself as you quelled the small amount of lingering feelings of that day.

You simply smiled back, finding yourself a bit lost in thought.

“Hey.” Jensen said, grabbing your attention. “You okay?”

“Oh, yeah. Just thinking.”

“About the Stephen thing?”

You realized in that moment that you hadn’t thought about Stephen since Jensen started cooking dinner. He’d done a great job of distracting you, but you also didn’t want him to know what you were thinking about. “Actually, no. I think you helped out a bit with that.”

A proud expression donned his features as he puffed his chest, obviously pleased that he completed his mission successfully. You chatted a bit more until you grabbed your tablet to do a bit of shopping and you both fell into a comfortable silence. You turned away to hide the item that you’d added to your cart, seeing as it was a little something extra for him. Pleased with the items you’d found for your family back home, and that they’d get to you before your flight in a few weeks, you placed your tablet on the coffee table before snuggling into Jensen’s side, who was enthralled with the animated Rudolph film playing on your TV. He was always a sucker for Christmas movies, though he might not confess that to anyone but you.

The stress of the day began to wear on you, and you soon found yourself drifting off. Between your comfy pajamas and Jensen’s heartbeat in your ear, you fell into a peaceful sleep.

You awoke the next morning to the sunrise shining faintly through the curtains adorning your living room windows, confused to find yourself in the room. With a sleepy mind, you slowly shifted as you began to stretch your limbs but froze slightly when you met resistance. Eyes widening, still heavy with sleep, you came to find yourself snuggled against Jensen’s chest with the blanket from the back of your couch draped over you both. Your back was towards the cushions as you lay on your side, tucked beneath his shoulder and curled into his body with legs tangled beneath you. He was on his back, his one arm securely wrapped around your shoulders and the other resting on his midsection and your forearm that was enclosed around his trim waist. As gently as you could, afraid he might wake, you tilted your head to gaze at his sleeping form. His face was peaceful as he slept, his mouth slightly open and his chest rising and falling in a soft rhythm.

Content to savor the moment, you allowed yourself to revel in the feeling of being in his arms and nestled a bit further into the blankets, finding the chill of the morning slightly eased from his body heat.

You awoke again a bit later, when the sun had settled high in the sky, roused by something feathering across your cheek.

Jensen’s velvety voice jogged your sleepy mind, “Y/n? You awake?”

His thumb was slowly caressing across the apples of your cheekbones, the touch sending a shockwave through every inch of your body and straight to your chest. When you opened your eyes, he was peering down at you still in his arms with so much emotion behind his eyes that you couldn’t quite read. He smiled warmly, his dimples, freckles, and crinkles all present in the light. He was looking at you with such adoration that it made your heart skip a beat.

“Morning, sweetheart.” Came his usual greeting, but you couldn’t help but shiver at the gruffness and tone, stealing a glance at his lips. “Did you sleep well?”

Tearing your eyes from his face, you stretched slightly, “I did. Very well, actually. You’re a nice pillow.”

He chuckled, his chest rumbling beneath your head, “Yeah, I guess I am. I was gonna move you to bed, but I didn’t want to wake you. And I’ll say, I was quite comfy myself.”

Jensen ran his hands up and down your side and back, almost as if it was second nature to do so, before he moved to sit up. You did so first, giving him the space to swing his legs over the edge of the couch and set to work at the coffee maker. Taking a moment to head to the bathroom and brush your teeth, you smiled finding him with your mug already at the windowsill.

“Thank you.” You said, picking it up and taking a seat across from him.

“Thank you for the sleepover.” He grinned, toasting towards you with his own cup.

After a few moments of chit chat about how happy you both were that the snow had lasted, you made you both breakfast and ate together at your kitchen island.

“So, what are you going to do about Stacy’s idea? Have you given it any more thought?” you asked around a mouthful of bacon.

“Actually, um… yeah. I have.”

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little disappointed that it sounded like he was considering her proposition of getting a girlfriend to help his image, but urged him continue none-the-less, “Oh, yeah?”

“I was—I was actually thinking about it this morning. What if—and you can totally say no—but what if you were my pretend girlfriend?” he proposed, looking toward you nervously.

Nearly choking on your breakfast, sure you’d heard him incorrectly, you stared at him in surprise, “Are you serious, Jay?”

“Well, it was just a thought, you know. The fans think I’m with you, anyway, considering they know how close we are and have always been. You’re all over my social media already and I get a ton of comments about you all the time. It would be a cute story, but I totally understand if that’s pushing things too far.”

Still in shock, you hardly registered the sip of coffee you’d taken before putting your mug back on the counter. Your arms and legs felt like Jell-O as he looked at you expectantly.

“Are you sure I’m the type of girl Stacy had in mind? I mean, you’re you ya know. I’m hardly a celebrity or anything and I don’t have a ton of clout. What would the story be?”

He perked up a bit, seemingly please that you were asking more questions. Maybe that meant you were considering it. “It might be good to play the childhood sweetheart angle, but this would only ever happen if you were 100% okay with it. I’d never do anything that would make you uncomfortable in any way. Then, maybe after a few months, we decide to just stay friends. We wouldn’t even need to necessarily announce it to the world or anything but getting people to talk wouldn’t hurt and we just wouldn’t correct the rumors.” He looked into your eyes and took your hand in his, “Y/n, I swear… if it’s too much you can call me crazy and it’ll be no hard feelings whatsoever. No job or role would ever be enough that I’d jeopardize anything with you. It was really just an idea that I had, and it can be shot back out into the abyss and we can forget it ever came up.”

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, considering his proposition. It wouldn’t be so hard to fake it for a bit, would it? It’s not like much would change. You were already always together, and yeah, people had been speculating about the two of you for years, especially when you started working on set. “What about our families, Jay? What would we tell them?”

He considered your point for a moment. Both sets of parents had been friends for more than thirty years and would no doubt be aware of the rumors once they started, but again that wasn’t anything new. They’d been answering the same questions about you as a pair since you were kids. “We can tell them we’re together, or not. It would be whatever you choose, but we can always keep things vague for a while. We can even chat with Stacy together and see what would be needed, but it’s all totally up to you.”

Running it through your mind in that moment, it didn’t seem much different than what you and Jensen already were – best friends that everyone, everyone speculated about. Giving Jensen the opportunity to appear he had settled down wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, would it?

With a hint of a smile, you nodded, “Okay.”

“Wait, really?” he said, an obvious shock written across his face.

“Yeah… I mean it’s like you said. Not much would be different anyways, right? We can meet with Stacy, for sure, but it’s alright with me.”

He pulled you in for a tight hug, “You’re seriously the best, sweetheart. Don’t worry, I’m going to treat you like the queen you are for as long as this goes on. You’re gonna get spoiled.”

“Well, then…” you teased, patting his back as he kept you in his arms, “At least I’m getting something out of the deal.”

“Oh, trust me, Y/n. I’ll make sure it’s worth your while.”

Suddenly, you thought maybe this wasn’t the best idea after all, given the way your blood began to rush as he shot you a wink.

To be continued...

................................................................................................................................

Tags below (if your tag is strikethrough, it wouldn’t let me use it):

It was you

@440mxs-wife @cookiechipdough @transparentparadiseglitterzombie @urmbecky

Forevers:

@acortez82 @adoptdontshoppets @akshi8278 @atc74 @berrygutz @blackcherrywhiskey @busybee612 @caitsymichelle13 @daydreamingintheimpalareturns @deansbabymomma @deansenwackles @deanssweetheart23 @deanwinchesterswitch @empyreanwritings @geeksareunique @gh0stgurl @heyitscam99 @hhiggs @huntersbunker @jackburtonsays @janicho88 @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @jfrank1048 @jotink78 @maddiepants @mogaruke @mrswhozeewhatsis @nerdstackular @nerdysandwichqueen @okay-okay18 @our-jensen-ackles-love @prompt-and-circumstances @samsgirl93 @sandlee44 @sister-winchesters99 @snffbeebee @spnbaby-67 @supernatural3002 @titty-teetee @topthis808 @tardis-is-mine @tranquility-or-chaos @weepingwillowphoenix @winchester-writes @wwaywardwinchester @xtina2191

Jensen Only

@mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk

191 notes · View notes

jadedxrealityw · 3 years

Text

-Rush- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader

♡~🐍~♡

Summary: After a failed relationship you and Draco lost contact only to be reconnected when you take a job at the Ministry Of Magic. Emotions begin to resurface as you both realize that even after all the time that has passed you still both are deeply in love with each other

Kody: The song this image is based off of. Lewis Capaldi - Rush ft. Jessie Reyez. I also changed the backstory for a couple of characters, mostly about what happened after the wizarding war.

Year: out of school

House: Gryffindor (out of school)

Possible Triggers/Warnings: fat angst, cursing, lowkey toxic Draco

♡~🐍~♡

high school sweethearts, that was what you were. What you used to be.

it was a normal day when Draco said he wanted to end things, going on a whole rant about how you weren’t safe with him and you deserved so much more than what a death eater could bring you. Despite all of your reassurances that you would take the risk his mind was made up.

his parents were pressuring him to give you up. His father repeating that no son of his would date some Gryffindor half blood, but you were much more than that to him. You shared his passions and interests, listened to him when he needed a ear to talk off about Alchemy or offered your shoulder to cry on.

it was the one thing he stood his ground for. You. One night while he was quietly, but with haste packing clothes into a small trunk because he was planning on apparating to your house and run away with you his aunt Bellatrix had caught him in the act.

she, in a very threatening tone told her nephew that the dark lord knew of his little Gryffindor girlfriend and if he wanted to see you unharmed he would be a good boy and listen to orders when he’s given them. His whole world came crashing down. He could take the chance and run with you anyway. He really wanted to.

but then you would never live a comfortable life. Being on the run constantly was not what he planned when he gave you a silver ring when you were both 15 with a promise he would replace it with a wedding band in the future. Now he would never get to see you walk down the aisle.

so he distanced himself from you as much as he could until the breakup, so it wouldn’t hurt as much. It still did.

‘The space between where our ends meet, Has grown too much for me to block it out’

you left his dorm that day in tears. His body almost leaped forward to chase after you, but his mind knew better. If losing you meant he could protect you from the dangers his life brought as a Malfoy, then by all means. He had to let you go. Doesn’t mean it was easy.

he never really saw you again after that. He chalked it up to his mind blocking you out if you ever were in his line of sight, like some sort of defense his brain put up to avoid any more hurt. Once the ‘final battle’ came around he decided that he wouldn’t let his father control his life anymore.

he aided the golden trio by tossing his wand to Harry once he fell out of Hagrid’s arms and with that it was over instantly. His mother and him were charged for war crimes, but Hermione and Harry ended up speaking on their behalves and all charges were dropped.

his father was sent to Azkaban for the rest of his days and for once Draco felt at peace with his father being so far away, no longer having the ability to control him. Harry almost immediately got a job at the ‘Ministry Of Magic’ as well as Hermione.

after a few months Harry had talked Draco up enough to his superiors to get him a position in the ‘Department of Magical Law Enforcement’ as a Auror. He felt strange working with Harry Potter after all the years of bullying, but they got along really well when they cooperated.

♡~🐍~♡

1 year later

“Hey, can we talk to you for a bit?” Draco looks up from his papers that lied on his desk. Hermione Granger and Harry Potter stood at the entrance of his office, looking visibly uncomfortable. He had a feeling this wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation.

he set the pen down on the desk before gesturing to the seats in front of said desk. Hermione put on a sweet smile as she took a seat, Harry following. “So i’m sure you heard our department is hiring another Auror since were shoftstafed” Draco nods slowly. He actually heard about it yesterday before he left.

“Yeah so, we overheard a conversation this morning about who it was and we wanted o tell you in advance” Harry explained. Draco’s brow went up in slight confusion. Warn him? What in hell did that mean? “Warn me” he repeated and Hermione nods.

a sympathetic smile played on her soft complexion. “It’s Y/n. Y/n L/n” Draco’s body tensed up instantly. Of course the universe would punish him like this. Waving the love of his life in his face after he broke her heart. How spiteful. “Oh” he simply said, before leaning back into his chair.

all business professionalism drained from his body in an instant “Fuck” he cursed under his breath “You still care about her, don’t you?” Hermione questioned. He just nodded before letting out a deep sigh and standing up from his chair “I’m quitting”

both ex Gryffindors shot up from there seats “You can’t quit Draco, that’s a highly irrational reaction!” Hermione sputters as he collects his coat from the back of his black swivel chair. “You wouldn’t understand, Granger” he slipped his arms through both sleeves.

“Draco!-” Harry started, but didn’t get another word in as Draco opened his office door. As soon as the door swung open he felt a head collide with his chest. He could practically hear their heartbeat race in embarrassment “Oh Merlin, i apologize!” the voice. That voice laughed nervously.

‘I miss the tone of your heartbeat. It's such a warming and familiar sound’

the person backed away and he felt as if he could collapse right then and there. “Draco?” you said. ‘No, please don’t say my name’ he thought. A smile grew on your face “What a funny coincidence. seeing you here. How’ve you been?”

his eyes mapped your body, not in a sexual way. Just noting the small changes that occured over a year and a half. You kept your hair the same length, as well as your taste in clothing. Your face was a bit more matured, but still held it’s natural beauty.

the way you spoke to him made his heart twinge. It was so friendly. Of course it was friendly, but he still hated it. “I’ve been quite alright. You?” he questions. “I’m great, couldn’t be better really.” you shrug your shoulders. His heart tugged violently.

better. Couldn’t be better. In his mind when the word better came up he imagined being married to you already and living a comfortable, wealthy life. But no, he was here. He forced a half smile on his face “That’s good to hear. Now i must get going. I hope you're finding the power. To help you make it through the darker days”

he walked past her and as soon as he was out of sight, sped walked to the nearest bathrooms. He locked the door before leaning against it. He slowly slid down until he sat down on the tile floor. It was gross, but he didn’t care at the moment.

how was he going to work here with you around. It felt as if the air was being violently sucked from his lungs. Was this what Granger called a panic attack? or was his body finally giving up on him. He would be perfectly fine with whatever option at this stage.

as he stared up at the ceiling, a bitter laugh left his throat “For now, I wait by the hour. If you wanna take somebody's breath away”

♡~🐍~♡

It had been two weeks and Draco felt as if he was going to implode. You were so happy and cheerful and- and- joyful. he just couldn’t understand how you weren’t as broken up as he was or maybe he wanted someone to share his pain. How pathetic was that?

now here he was. At some boring gala the Ministry was holding. Something about celebrating a new generation or along those lines. Draco couldn’t be bothered to care about details. He took another sip of wine from his glass hoping to get buzzed enough to fly through this boring affair.

he looks up to see multiple pairs of eyes on him. Wait- not him. Behind him. He slowly turns around as it met with the most breathtaking sight he could ever see. You strolled through the entrance wearing a no strap long lace dress. He swore his heart skipped a couple beats.

you looked like a princess ready to be whisked away, but you weren’t his to whisk anymore were you? Draco’s jaw locked in place before he looked back down at the wine in his hand. He places it down on a nearby table. “Merlin, you look absolutely stunning Ms. L/n!”

Granger. “Are you alright?” a male voice asked. Potter. If Weasley showed up, he was going to have an aneurysm on the spot. Draco simply exhaled deeply “I suppose so. I don’t think my mind is processing the fact the she isn’t mine anymore though. So there’s that”

Harry looked at Draco, studying his facial expressions. It was strange to see him so emotional “If you don’t mind me asking, how long were you two together?” he was treading on thin ice, he knew that. “Long enough for it to hurt this bad”

♡~🐍~♡

and with that. Draco walked away from the chosen one and spent a good twenty minutes talking to random superiors and wealthy couples. It was only when he came from the bathroom he heard your voice for the first time that night.

“Oh thank you!” you spoke in a enthusiastic voice. Draco stopped mid step and leaned against the wall. Now he was eavesdropping? How pathetic of him. “So Y/n, we heard you used to date Draco Malfoy. Is that true?” a unfamiliar voice asked.

he inhaled sharply. “Um yes, yes i did” you spoke. You sounded uncomfortable with that question. How dare they pry on your love life? They had no right “So what was he like? Did he cheat on you? Was he a bad boyfriend? I bet he was” his fist clenched at his side.

Draco wasn’t the nicest person. He knew that, but he showed you as much love and affection his body could produce. He loved you! Hell, he still loved you. You seem to sputter “Uh-” he couldn’t listen to this. He walked out of the small hallway, surprising you and the unfamiliar coworker.

he needed some fresh air. Now. He pushes through a couple of people with a cold stare. He walks down a couple steps of stairs and hes out the front doors. The cold crisp air hits his face and he felt as if he could breathe again. He reaches up and slicks his platinum hair back.

a repeated clicking noise could be heard behind him, getting closer. Shoes. No. Heels actually. “Draco” you spoke. He turns around quickly and watches as you step off the concrete and into the grass, holding your dress up from the ground.

why did he feel so angry? Could it be because you didn’t deny his claims? or something else? “Go away L/n” he spoke harshly. He could see your face turn to one of confusion before a stern look took over “No, your clearly upset so i’m not leaving”

still so stubborn. “Are you upset because they asked me about us? If you don’t want anyone to know i promise i won’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation” you said, which only angered him more. How could you be so stupid?

“I don’t give a damn if anyone knows about us! You didn’t deny it Y/n! They said such horrible things about me and you just stood there like they were right! Are you fucking serious?! I loved you with everything i had and you act like as if i was the monster!” Draco’s voice boomed, you look positively frightened.

until you didn’t Then you looked angry “You broke up with me you stupid git! You left me alone and scared while the whole war was going on! So yeah Draco i’m fucking bitter! Screw you! What happened, you were so accepting of me when we first saw each other. You hoped i was well!”

you were right, he knew that, but he wasn’t done yelling. All of this thought were just rolling off of him in the worst way. You looked disappointed in him. It reminded him of the last time he spoke to you at Hogwarts, but with less crying and more anger.

“I hoped?! You want to know what i hope!? I hope you're lonely, hope you're lost 'cause I've been. I'd hate to think you're better off without me I know we tried to hold on. But where do you go. When love, it just ain't enough?” he spoke, anger leaving him and being replaced with dread and sorrow.

but he wasn’t done. “Now does it kill you when you think about me? Were you as close to giving up as I've been? I know we kept losing touch. Got lost in the rush...” he sighed deeply, trailing off at the end of his sentence. All his worst thoughts had spilled out of him like a tidal wave.

you looked shocked and hurt? Maybe he was reading your expression wrong. He couldn’t bare to look at your face. Gulping, he adjusted his tie and turned away to walk off in shame “I pray you don't hurt too much” he chose as his parting words.

“I don't come close to an angel”

he stopped. A shuffling sound of fabric heard as you made your way in front of him, jabbing a finger at his chest “You ain't never been no kind of saint” you narrowed your E/c eyes at him. He looked down at you in shame. You removed your finger and stepped back once.

a bitter laugh forced its way out of you. “But when we both came together. Hell to heaven, you were my escape. But fires don't burn forever and all these ashes crumble when we touch. We danced to death in the fire. What can we do now that the music's done, my love?”

his grey eyes went wide. My love? A small feeling of hope bloomed within his chest. You did still care about him. He was your only love and would always be, but you had both been forced apart. Draco was foolish for thinking you had ever lost feelings for the Malfoy.

now to give him a taste of his own medicine. “I hope you're lonely, hope you're lost 'cause I've been. I'd hate to think you're better off without me. I know we tried to hold on. But where do you go, When love, it just ain't enough? Now, does it kill you when you think about me?”

you threw your hands up in the air. He could spot tears in your eyes, making him start to choke up as well. That was always his weakness, you crying. “Were you as close to giving up as I've been? I know we kept losing touch. Got lost in the rush. I pray you don't hurt too much” you look down.

‘Well, we had it all and we let it fall, But I hope you find whatever you were looking for’

Draco stepped into you and reaches down to grab your hand “Y/n. During the war i packed a bag in the middle of the night. I was ready to leave my family and run away with you. I wanted nothing more then to pend the rest of my life with you” his thumb caressed the skin of your hand.

you look up from your heels and met his gaze with teary eyes “Why didn’t you?” you spoke. He smiled sadly, using his other hand to cup your cheek. “My aunt. Bellatrix caught me. The dark lord had found out about you somehow and if i wanted to keep you safe i had to let you go.”

“The day i broke up with you haunts me in my nightmares. I wanted so badly to reach out and grab you, but love- Y/n you weren’t safe with me.” tears finally escaped his eyes, running down his pale face. You used your hand to hit his chest “I told you i didn’t care Draco”

he nods, sniffling “I know darling, i should have stuck by your side no matter what, but even the thought of any harm coming to you was to much for me to bare” he let go of your hand. Now he was cradling your face. “I feel as though i am too late”

you reach into the top part of your dress and pull out the hidden part of a silver necklace you wore. The silver ring he gave you was at the end of the chain. He felt his heart explode. “You kept it? after all this time. Why?” he asked. You roll your eyes “because i still love you, you foolish boy!”

Draco was at a loss of words. Unable to speak, he grabbed your face and your lips collided with his in a passionate kiss. It was very sloppy, but showed how much you both missed each other. It made up the amount of time that had passed since you felt each other.

your the first to pull away from the heated exchange “You better not leave me again Draco” you spoke in a stern tone which made him smile “I wouldn’t dream of it my love. Now, let’s get out of here. There is so much more i want to do with you” his tone became playful as a smirk played on his face.

your face flushes slightly, but you nod slowly. He holds onto you as you both apparate away to merlin knows where. High school sweethearts, that was what you were. What you used to be. What you got to be again.

♡~🐍~♡

Kody: i- i cried writing this. What a pussy am i right. By the way my inbox is like being a wack ass hoe and not telling me when i get messages so like sorry if you’ve requested something and it hasn’t been posted. (I was also in a depressed state for a bit but whatevs) Anyways, peace!

133 notes · View notes

maneskinrollercoaster · 3 years

Text

~ When Will You Finally See That I’m The One For You? ~

Pairing: Victoria De Angelis x Sara ( fictional character )

Word count: 1815

Warnings: A bit of swearing.

Summary: Sara reveals the truth about her feelings.

- I just don’t get why she dumped me! - Victoria said with tears in her eyes and crossed her arms.

Her and Sara were sitting on the bed at her room on a Saturday evening after Victoria’s date with her now ex-girlfriend. Vic was so excited when she’s gotten invited to this fancy restaurant for dinner, she got all dressed up and did her makeup and was talking about it for a week straight but it didn’t really go as planned. She came home crying, with her mascara smudged under her eyes and more sad than she’s ever been. Martina broke up with her and Vic couldn’t believe that something so good ended so quickly. She really adored this girl and was really happy around her and when “I think we should break up” rolled out of Martina’s mouth she was far more than surprised. She was speechless. She thought everything was going good and that she’s finally found someone perfect for her.

- As I said before, she didn’t deserve you Vic, I mean, you’re awesome! Who the hell would ever want to break up with you? - Sara said laying down next to her on the bed.

They’ve been talking about this situation for the past hour and Sara really couldn’t hear about that anymore. As much as she wanted to be a supportive friend, she couldn’t see Vic crying again after some stupid girl who dumped her over nothing.

- Yeah, sure, if I was so awesome I wouldn’t have been heartbroken now. - Vic sighed and rested her head on the bed frame.

Vic was really amazing. She was funny, spontaneous and the moment she entered any room she always brought this magical aura around her that made everyone happy.

- I don’t know what else to tell you. You just don’t see how good you are, maybe even too good for other people. - Sara looked at Vic and grabbed her hand.

Sara knew she was right. Vic was always so caring and loving and when she met a girl, she immediately wanted to show her all the affection and love she developed towards her. And somethings it scared them off, Victoria was fast and straightforward and never hid anything she has to say. She was too good for others and sometimes she didn’t see their true intentions but she’s never realized until she got dumped out of nowhere.

- I mean, come on, it was all going good. We were supposed to go for such a cool date and suddenly she said she wants to break up. I asked her why but the only thing she said was that it’s for the better. - Vic now also looked at Sara, lowering her head on he pillow.

- Vic you’ve said that for the fourth time tonight. I know the story and all I gotta say is that she didn’t deserve you. - Sara said annoyed.

She was in love with Vic since the day she first met her but back at the time Victoria had a girlfriend and Sara just let it go. Until they both broke up. Since then Sara always caught herself looking at Vic with something more than friendship. She admired her smile and her energy and she often found herself lost in her beautiful blue eyes. Victoria was the most beautiful and genuine person Sara’s ever met and she wanted her all to herself. Victoria quickly bashed those thought though telling Sara that she’s the best friend she’s ever had and that she’s almost like her sister.

Ethan was the only one to know. He’s became close with Sara and they’ve both shared secrets with each other. He attempted to convince Sara to tell Vic how she really feels but every time it was a misery. She only said that Victoria probably doesn’t feel the same way and she quickly cut off the conversation. And Sara kept on stealing glances at Vic when she was swimming in the pool and admiring her attractive body when she was suntanning. She was perfect but Sara knew that what they had was strictly platonic.

- Why are you so annoyed all of a sudden? - Vic said frowning with an offended voice.

Sara looked away and didn’t say a word. Instead she closed her eyes and stayed silent, just like she always did.

- Forget it, Vic. Really. You’ll find someone better. - she said not opening his eyes.

Vic was confused. Usually they both talked with each other for hours and Sara was the first person to make her feel better after a breakup but now she was weirdly tense.

- No. - Vic said getting up and crossing her arms again. - Tell me why are u so bothered that I’m talking about it! - she raised her voice a bit which made Sara open her eyes.

Victoria was stubborn. Probably the most stubborn person on this planet and Sara knew that she won’t get away without an answer. She knew exactly what she wanted to tell her but - as always - she was too scared. She didn’t want to ruin her friendship with Vic but it was slowly killing her inside, seeing Victoria with different girls, kissing, hugging, being affectionate. Because that’s what she wanted with her. A relationship, something endless that would make them both happy and even closer to each other.

- Are you gonna tell me? Or you’re gonna stare at me and not say a word? - Vic was still digging and Sara’s nerves slowly started to break.

She was on the edge of screaming that she loves Victoria more than anyone straight into her face.

- It’s nothing, Vic. Let it go, please. - Sara said also sitting up and looking down at her hands.

It was a lot more than nothing and Victoria could see by the look at Sara’s face. She knew something was up and she had to get to know what was going on.

- Hey, Sara, babe. Look at me. - Vic said gently grabbing Sara’s chin to make her look at her. - I know it’s not nothing and I want you to tell me what’s going on. You know you can tell me anything, I’m always here for you. - she said stroking her cheek and sending her reassuring smile.

At the sudden contact with Vic’s warm hand Sara’s heart started beating faster. She felt butterflies in her stomach and her cheeks turned red quickly making her look redder than a tomato. Sara felt this electricity between them, some kind of chemistry, connection that she’s never felt before. It all suddenly hit her. She loved her with everything she had and she couldn’t see herself with anyone but Vic.

- When will you finally see that I’m the one for you? - Sara broke.

Her eyes turned watery and she looked Vic deep into her eyes. Victoria couldn’t believe her ears. She never would have thought that Sara had feelings for her. Yes, she always cared for her and made her feel special but she always thought Sara was into boys. She’s gotten closer with Ethan and they’ve spent a lot of time together. Victoria thought that they like each other to the point she started joking around about them being in love and she simply didn’t realize that Sara saw her as something more than just a friend.

- What? What the hell do you mean? - Vic said, a little smile on her face.

- I mean that I fucking love you and I’ve loved you for the past 4 years we've known each other. I love the way you smile and the way you laugh and I love your eyes to the point I get lost in them, and your body, oh you’re body is all I look at when we’re at the pool. You’re always there for me to joke around and you make me so happy. You’re my best friend but I fell in love with you and I didn’t mean for that to happen but it did.. so.. yeah. - Sara said on one breath finally saying everything she’s been always hiding and her eyes were watery.

Victoria didn’t know what to say, she was speechless but happy. She loved Sara as well, she just used to have her as her best friend and that’s what kind of made her feel like she was unreachable.

Vic without thinking much jumped at Sara and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her in for a tight hug. Single tears started falling down Sara’s cheek and she wrapped her arms around Vic, hiding her face in the crock of her neck.

They were sitting like that for at least ten minutes when Victoria slowly pulled away. She gently cupped Sara’s cheek and looked her in the eyes, smiling widely and grabbing her palm with the other hand, intertwining their fingers together.

- Piccola, why didn’t you tell me earlier? - she asked her leaning her forehead against Sara’s.

- I was scared to loose you, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and I thought you won’t feel the same way. - Sara said quietly.

- That’s bullshit. You know nothing would ever separate us, no matter how hard it would be - Vic said and looked back into Sara’s eyes. - I love you, amore. So much. I just thought you and Ethan were “a thing” and I didn’t really realize what I felt for you. Until now, babe. - she said and smiled, stroking her cheek.

Sara couldn’t have been happier. Vic really loved her back and she couldn’t believe that she finally got the courage to reveal her true feelings.

- Me and Ethan? Are you insane? We’re just friends and he was the only person who knew what I felt. We shared our secrets with each other. And yes he is handsome and loving but I only ever wanted you. - Sara said.

Victoria smiled and second later slightly brushed her lips against Sara’s. She was always passionate with her kisses but this time she wanted to be gentle. She wanted to show Sara that she really felt the same way. Sara also brushed her lips against Vic and then they both intertwined in a kiss full of love. Victoria’s lips were soft and sweet and Vic could feel a slight vanilla flavor on Sara’s lips. They both moved in sync and after a few seconds they pulled away trying to catch a breath.

- Until now I didn’t know, but I guess you’re all I need. - Vic said pulling Sara in for a hug squeezing her tightly and stroking her back.

- You’re all I ever needed. - Sara rested her head on Vic’s shoulder and they both smiled widely from happiness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My first Victoria fic, I hope you enjoy ❤️

If you have any requests let me know in the comments or on priv 🥰❤️

Tag list: [ @teenyweenynightghost, @superchrystaldrug ]

26 notes · View notes

theharrowing · 3 years

Text

Boy Blue 💙 34: Stay alert

While going through a painful but necessary breakup, you meet someone who is patient, kind, and understanding; everything your last ex was not.

Or is he?

PREVIOUS | INDEX | NEXT

💙 Taehyung x Female Reader

💙 word count: 3k + images of text conversations

💙 college au, text message au, strangers to lovers, yandere, hurt/comfort, smut, fluff, angst, slow burn, slash, poly, major character injury & death, graphic violence, nsfw, 21+

💙 warnings: gaslighting, bad hypnosis etiquette

💙 written parts beta read by @neoneunnajimin

💙 posted dec. 2021 | read on ao3

"I'm starting to feel a little cooped up," you confess, anxiously fidgeting with the ring on your right hand. You cannot remember the last time you have been outside to go further than the property line; you are sure several months have passed, but everything feels like one big blur.

"Maybe if I had a friend...could go to a café...got my phone back. I could see how Hoseok or Jimin are doing."

The leather of Namjoon's seat squeaks as he sits forward, leaning on his elbows which rest on his knees. "Hmm, yeah, I could see how you might be feeling that way. I wonder if Jimin or Hoseok are the right people to contact, though, considering their proximity to the other guy."

You sigh. It has crossed your mind that they probably hate you after everything that happened, or at the very least might feel uncomfortable hearing from you. But it so happens that all of your other friends are, well, dead.

"I think it would be nice for you to have some contact with the outside world again. Do you have any other classmates or friends who you might be able to reconnect with?"

You feel embarrassed to admit to yourself that nobody comes to mind. During your relationship with Jungkook, he and Hana were the only two people you really cared about. Hana had some friends, but you never really connected with them. What would you talk about with them, aside from her, her life, her disappearance, her strange behavior, and her death? You are not really sure you are ready to go down that path.

"Not really." Your voice wobbles, and you try not to cry. You feel so pathetic.

"Maybe there's an old friend or classmate on social media who you can reconnect with? I'm sure there's someone." Namjoon looks and sounds optimistic, which somehow makes you feel even smaller.

You sink back against the couch cushions with a sigh, trying to hold in the tears that threaten to flood your eyelids.

"How about we do one last hypnosis session, just to make sure your recall is perfect? Of course, if you're feeling too stressed about your friends, we can wait until next time." Namjoon looks pensive and soft as if he is genuinely invested in your comfort and safety, yet you do not feel comfortable in the slightest.

You shake your head gently, adjusting to lie down. "We can do it. It'll be nice to have it done, so we don't have to focus so much on the past anymore."

"Alright, noona, breathe deeply. I want you to let all of the weight lift from you as you sink deep into the couch."

You breathe deeply in...and out. It has become routine for you to begin feeling entranced as soon as Namjoon instructs you to sink, but this time you try to focus on staying alert. You are not sure why you have gotten the sudden urge to interrupt the hypnosis, almost feeling guilty for not trusting in him after all this time, but lately, you have just had a feeling that you find impossible to shake. Stay alert, you tell yourself. Stay alert.

"I want you to drift into a calm, sleep-like trance in 3..."

Stay alert.

"2..."

Stay alert.

"1. Alright noona, tell me what you see and how you feel."

You think back to every out-of-body moment of hypnosis and describe the man in his room, Taehyung pulling you out, and walking through the apartment. Were you wearing your boots? Did you put your boots on before you left? You were tugged into the car. It was raining. No, you were crying? There was a bright light before an airbag hit you in the face. You cannot remember how the airbag felt against your face, but it had to have been a strong enough impact to knock you out. Or did the pain from your leg breaking knock you out? Why are you unable to remember that pain? You should be able to remember the pain.

It is so silent, you wonder if Namjoon is still in the room. You hear a cup set down on the table, so he must still be there. You continue to slowly ramble about being in the hospital, about waking up in bed confused but slowly regaining your memory, when Namjoon’s low voice pulls you from your thoughts.

"She's under; I think this will be our last session."

You wonder who he is talking to, and you continue to ramble slowly about details you recall of meeting Namjoon the first and second, and third times.

"Okay, sounds good. She wants her phone back, and at this point, I think you should comply. I can keep her here for about twenty more minutes if you need me to."

Silence fills the room. You try not to let him know that you are alert, that you heard everything, but you cannot help but wonder what that was about. Why would Taehyung, presumably, need twenty minutes to retrieve your phone?

"Tell me what you remember about the guy who kissed you." Namjoon's voice seems deeper and less gentle than usual, which takes you by surprise, but you do your best not to show a change in your face, knowing he is probably watching you. But the memory of that man has you feeling a little shaken.

"H-he had dark, wavy hair," you say in the same mock sleepy voice from before. "His eyes were deep and made up with eyeliner and glitter."

Namjoon snaps his fingers, which instinctively pulls your eyes open, taking you by surprise. He sighs and sits forward with his arms folded across his chest.

"Anything wrong, noona?" Namjoon's eyes are slightly squinted as if he has found you out and he is suddenly feeling betrayed by your actions.

"I think...somehow I got pulled out of it," you say, trying to feign confusion. "Who were you talking to?"

Namjoon's expression jumps for a split second, his eyes squinting more and appearing angry, but it is gone in a blink as he laughs quietly, reaching for his coffee. With the mug to his lips, he smirks. "It was a fake call; I was just testing your reaction because I figured you weren't actually under anymore."

You feel embarrassed to have tried to deceive Namjoon. Of course, he would be able to tell from your breathing and cadence that you were not hypnotized. Although you remember fragments of your previous sessions, you were not alert to exactly how you must have sounded, but he was. Namjoon types on his phone for a moment with pinched eyebrows before setting it down and smiling softly toward you. You can hear the exasperation in his exhale as he settles forward, resting his face once more in his hands.

"Should we try again, or would you like to fill the rest of the hour with something else?"

You fidget with your ring. You haven't sat back up, and you feel awkward but quite comfortable in your current position. "We can try again."

This time you close your eyes, breathe deeply, and when he counts to one, you drift in and out. By three, you are floating in a dark space, as if astral projecting out of your body in a haze. You see yourself in his bedroom, but as he looms over your body, ready to pounce, and in the peripheral, you see Taehyung blink in and out of the scene.

One moment he is sitting in a chair, watching the man watch you, and then he is gone. Over and over again. You struggle to assess how you feel and what or who you are actually afraid of. Namjoon's voice tugs at your attention, but you struggle to make out what he is saying.

You realize as you watch the scenario in front of you that it is not fear that paints your face as the dark-haired man stands before you; it is something soft, something terrifying only in the way that realizing that life is precious and short and that one day everyone you will love will die.

Love. That look on your face is love, and as you see yourself staring at that man like that, you can feel it all over again, bursting and blooming in your chest and making you feel nauseated.

"Noona, are you with me?" the voice enters the space entirely.

"Yes," you hear yourself respond.

"What are you seeing right now?" the voice asks.

"Confused," you say before you can stop yourself.

Something tells you that you should not express your thoughts of love to Namjoon, that it would only complicate things, and you just want, more than anything, for everything to remain as uncomplicated as possible.

"What has you confused, noona?"

You could swear that you feel fingers along the side of your face. Sometimes you feel this during the hypnosis sessions, although you cannot imagine why Namjoon would be touching you, so you assume that it is something to do with whatever scenario you find yourself in. The finger traces down the side of your neck before they are gone, and you are no longer in his room but on his couch. Straddling his lap. Your fingers are in his hair.

As you lean forward to kiss the man, his mouth turns into a smirk.

"So good for me, kitten," Taehyung's voice purrs, and you sit back to look at him once more. You feel a surge of panic, realizing it is Taehyung's lap you are sitting on, but he holds onto you tightly, pulling you into a kiss. Something about his facial expression sets off every nerve in your body.

"I'm sorry, noona, I didn't catch that, what did you say?"

You close your eyes even inside of this trance, blocking Taehyung out, and all sensation of being held is gone. You are floating again within this space, and you do not want to see anything else.

"I lost it," you murmur. "I don't know."

Silence. Faint distant sounds of papers being shuffled, of footsteps. You focus on your breathing, on keeping your eyes closed; you do not want to see or feel anything else for a while. You think you can hear yourself mumble, "Don't want to see anymore," but you are unsure if the words are inside or outside of your mind.

"Alright, noona, let's pull you out then," Namjoon's deep voice responds. "You'll feel alert and clear in 3... 2...1..."

Snap. Your eyes dart open.

Tears are streaming down your face before you can stop them, and your eyes are flying around the room. You wonder if staying alert through the session somehow confused you and planted false memories again.

But something about these memories felt so different, your time with him felt so relaxing and momentarily safe, despite the inner duress you are undergoing as you lay on the couch crying.

"Would you like an alprazolam?" Namjoon offers.

You nod your head. May as well.

Namjoon rummages in his bag and pulls out a familiar single-use package. You sit up slowly, remove the pill and reach for your glass of water. Your hand shakes as images of the dark-haired man flood your mind. What was his name? What was his name? What was his name?

"Can you remember what you saw?" Namjoon asks.

You shake your head no, perhaps a little frantically. You have no desire to think about the way you looked or the way you imagined you felt. You just want this session to be over.

Namjoon types on his phone for a moment before closing the screen. His expression seems less soft than usual. Something tugs at the corners of his mouth and eyebrows. Perhaps he is disappointed in you.

A knock at the door pulls your focus as Taehyung peeks into the room. His expression is soft and sweet, luring you out of your worry, and you feel a lightness in your head as you watch Namjoon wave him into the room.

"Namjoon messaged saying you wanted to start connecting with the outside world, so I found your phone," Taehyung says with a smile as he approaches.

The feeling of Taehyung sitting beside you causes the room to shift slightly—a sensation you are used to feeling when you take the little white pill. Taehyung hands you a cellphone that looks and feels somewhat familiar, though something about it is certainly off. The weight feels different. Or is it the texture? You turn the phone over, not recognizing the black case it is in but unable to remember what case you would have had it in before.

Your thumb pushes on the long button on the right side, and as the screen clicks on, you're hit with more confusion. The picture on the screen, a picture of Taehyung, looks unfamiliar. You try to recall whether there was a picture of someone else before. Perhaps it was of Hana? Hana. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to stop yourself from thinking about Hana, and when a hand softly touches your back, your eyes open, body jerking from the sensation.

"S-sorry," you offer a shy smile to Taehyung, who pulls you into a tight embrace.

"So there's no surprise, I recommended that certain conversations get deleted," Namjoon says softly.

Your heart jumps as you slide your thumb across the screen to unlock it. You do not want to forget your conversations with Jungkook and Hana; how could he do that to you? As you open iMessage, your hands tremble. The only texts are from your parents, random acquaintances, and one unread message from Namjoon; everything else is gone.

Overwhelmed, you shake your head and begin to cry, and the room shifts and shakes with you, making you dizzy and heartbroken. Everything feels like too much. You think you feel the phone slip from your hands and hit the floor with a thud, but the sound is far away and echoes in an unfamiliar way. You succumb to relaxing, squeezing your eyes shut. Everything feels like too much.

When you wake up again, you are lying in bed, and the sun coming in through the blinds is golden. Evening. You must have been asleep for a few hours. Briefly, you wonder if everything was a strange dream, but when you turn to reach for the glass of water that is often on the nightstand, your phone sits next to it. You reach for it, unlocking the screen before thumbing around. Maybe a conversation with him would jog your memory, but you imagine it has been deleted, as well.

As you find the familiar green WhatsApp logo, you exhale deeply. Opening the app yields the exact result you expect, yet your heart sinks when you find it completely empty. You sigh, defeated and about to give up hope when you remember paranoid, angry Jungkook from what feels like ages ago, threatening to uninstall and reinstall WhatsApp because he was confident that you were hiding something from him and that he would be able to recover old messages that way.

Of course, you were not hiding anything, and when the frustrating song and dance of mistrust and paranoia was over, you were one step further from feeling content and happy in your relationship. But maybe he was onto something. Maybe there are messages you can recover.

You push down on the icon, feeling the haptic vibration as it begins to wiggle, and you delete the app. If you can just recover one text conversation, maybe you can start to feel more at ease with everything. You open the app store, searching for WhatsApp as a nervousness builds in your tummy. There is a chance that if you do uncover something from him, it could just stir up negative feelings, but you push forward. You need to know. You need to see it for yourself.

Yoongi.

His name is Yoongi. Your heart feels so full suddenly as you remember, and you read the texts from Yoongi over and over again, remembering the night of the punk show in small snippets—how Yoongi kissed you in the bathroom for good luck, how he draped himself over your shoulder at the bar while Taehyung chatted with Jimin. The warmth in your chest, how safe he made you feel. Something definitely is not adding up.

You certainly did not message Yoongi, or anyone for that matter, in January. That had to have been Taehyung. Why would Taehyung pretend to be you and tell Yoongi not to contact you again? Was he trying to protect you? Was it because Yoongi was being genuine in his worry? Was it because Yoongi never hurt you in the first place?

Your heart races and your palms feel sweaty as you hold onto your phone. If Taehyung is lying, if your memories are lying, then what happened?

The front door opens and closes, and you feel panic surge through you. You message Yoongi reminding him not to say a word until he contacts you again, and when he sends a thumbs-up emoji in response, you delete the conversation and close your phone before setting it on the nightstand.

Taehyung appears in the doorway as you reach for your glass of water, meeting his gaze with a smile. His freshly colored blue hair is sticking to his forehead from sweat, and he is dressed head to toe in black.

"Hey kitten, how do you feel?" Taehyung asks, slightly out of breath.

You take a drink of the water, tugging your lips into a smile. "Better."

"I'm so happy to hear that. I'll be in the dark room if you need anything, okay?" Taehyung holds his hand up, showing you the digital camera in its grasp. He must have been out taking photos.

You nod and smile softly, setting the water glass back down. Taehyung blows you a kiss, which you pretend to catch, before he leaves for the room down the hall. With him gone, you grab your phone and open your Notes app, determined to start sorting out exactly what the fuck is going on.

okay i know my portrayal of hypnosis wasn’t totally accurate, but we can have a little suspended disbelief as a treat, right? (it’s not as if i haven’t been completely making shit up this entire time, anyway lolol.)

tag list: @dasexydevitt13, @girl8890, @illnevertrustmyselfagain, @mwitsmejk & @starlight-night0 ✨ unable to tag: @ffionatev, @giriiboyy

comment or dm to be added! 💜

PREVIOUS | INDEX | NEXT

please don’t be a silent reader! comments & reblogs help so much (and likes are nice, too.)

#taehyung x reader #taehyung smut #yoongi x reader #bts smut #bts smau #bts yandere #bts poly #fic: boy blue

47 notes · View notes

ezrasarm · 3 years

Text

Coming Out As Asexual/Aspec

Pairings: Javier Pena x reader, Marcus Pike x reader, Din Djarin x reader, Ezra x reader, Frankie Morales x reader

Word count: 2.3K (oops)

Warnings: discussions of sexuality, depictions of main characters as Aspec

A/n: I apologize these were meant to be head canons and a few of them wound up turning into mini fics. I would like to thank @dishonouringmycow for supplying many ideas and helping me concoct these for you and @kiss-evans for her insight as well. These were a lot of fun to write! We’ve written these HCs in hopes that they will be inclusive and relatable to most ace/demi-/greysexual folks and anyone in between. We hope you like them!

[masterlist]

Javier Peña

Telling Javi is a little tricky.

Given the time period, and the fact that asexuality was hardly a word let alone a widely accepted concept, Javier didn’t stand a chance when you went about explaining to him your “unconventional” relationship with sexual attraction.

You didn’t even fully understand it yourself at that point which is why you were terrified when you felt you owed him an explanation for turning him down.

You and Javi had been dancing around each other since pretty much the moment you landed in Bogata.

You knew you cared about him more than the average coworker and Steve didn’t hesitate to tease either of you mercilessly for it with every chance he got.

But there was a reason you had been avoiding acting on those feelings you harboured for him and a reason you were so terrified when he reciprocated them.

Silence overwhelms the small stakeout vehicle when you tell him.

He doesn’t get it.

“Oh.”

The disappointment that pours off of him is palpable.

This really wasn’t the reaction he was expecting to the heartfelt confession he had mustered up the courage for only moments ago.

“Javi,” You sigh, “It’s not like that. It’s not personal. I don’t feel attracted to anyone that way.” You reiterate but he still seems convinced that this is just an elaborate attempt to spare his feelings.

“You don’t have to do that, you know? You don’t have to let me down easy.”

“That’s not what this is. I really just don’t operate that way.”

You had seen the girls coming and going from his apartment across the hall. You knew how he chose to blow off steam after stressful days at work and you knew you couldn’t keep up with that.

“I don’t think I can be there for you like you want me to.”

It takes a moment for it to dawn on him what you mean and you think he finally takes the hint when another ‘oh’ escapes him.

“I don’t need-“ He starts up but cuts himself off when you give him a pointed look.

“I really, really wanted this to work.” He says after what feels like hours of you discussing all the reasons you would wind up resenting each other if you went down that path. All the fears you had of starting something up with him.

“Me too.” You hum solemnly when you deflate to lean into his side and rest your head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

He’s quick to shake his head and whisper a quiet “Don’t apologize.” When he wraps an arm around you and places a kiss to the top of your head.

You both walk away from that stakeout with heavy hearts but lighter shoulders and although it takes some time to heal you learn to show how much you care about each other in different ways.

Now he slings an arm around your shoulders when you’re getting unwanted attention on a night out.

You stay up drinking with him so he doesn’t have to brood alone after a particularly tiring day.

Soft touches and reassuring words come easier between you two.

Most importantly you’re both happy and you haven’t lost each other.

Marcus Pike

Marcus is a little less clueless.

He knows Asexuality exists and has a vague sense of what it is, he just doesn’t know a whole lot about it.

There’s not much pressure when you tell him.

It comes as a bit of a disclaimer early in your relationship and you try not to make a big deal of it. You just want to make sure that he’s aware as your relationship progresses.

Marcus, ever the sweet and compassionate boyfriend is attentive and understanding as you speak.

The words that seem to stick out in his mind come at the only point when the slightest bit of doubt weens it’s way into your voice, “I just wanted to make sure that that’s- that I’m enough for you.”

His heart stops and he’s overcome by a feeling of both shock and sorrow that you could ever think such a thing of yourself.

“Of course. Of course, you’re enough.”

“You’re more than enough. You’re… you’re everything.”

What you don’t see is the way that after this conversation he finds himself wracking up more and more questions that he’s too scared to ask you. Not because he’s afraid of the answer but because he doesn’t want to overstep or make you uncomfortable.

So naturally, he turns to the next best thing.

The internet.

What he fails to realize is how broad a spectrum of asexuality there is and all he gets is more and more confused.

Marcus accidentally develops a following on Aspec Reddit forums for trying to ask people questions and them all just going “aww, Hun” at this poor clueless bean and swooning over how much he cares about you.

Despite the enthusiasm and volume of their responses, they don’t really add much clarity beyond “Hey, maybe you should ask your SO”

Instead, he runs around treating you like glass while he tries to buck up the courage to actually talk to you about it until on a movie night as he awkwardly tries to contort himself around you so he’s cuddling you… without touching you, you finally snap.

“Marcus! What is going on?”

That’s when he finally and rather sheepishly admits that he wants you to tell him more about your sexuality.

“Oh.”

You pause the movie and give him your full attention as you try and talk him through as much as you’re able to explain until suddenly you’re stuck for an answer and you look up at him with rather watery eyes as you admit you have no idea and suddenly you’re the one having the existential crisis.

“Oh, oh no. It’s alright, we can figure it out together! Shhh, it’s all fine. Please don’t cry! Reddit didn’t tell me this would happen!”

“Who-ddit?”

Din Djarin

Coming out to Din is rather anticlimactic.

He doesn’t have much to say beyond “Okay.”

You’re a little confused at first.

That went… too well.

It’s a while later when he brings it up again that you begin to realize why.

There’s no hesitation or taboo, he’s quite straight forward when he asks why you were so nervous.

At first, you’re not so sure what to say. Wasn’t that kind of obvious?

“Not everyone takes it so well.” You shrug thinking back to past relationships where your partners seemed to expect you to give them more than you were willing to.

You could practically see the gears turning behind his visor and it’s only now that you connect the dots and his reaction from before seems to add up.

To him, that was the norm.

It makes sense the more you think about it.

In all the time you had spent travelling with him, all the objectively beautiful women, men and everyone else in between that had crossed your paths, all the slurs that had been thrown at him by drunkards in cantinas about how he fucks with all that armour on, all the rather compromising situations you had found yourself in with him before and you had never caught his gaze wander or heard him express any indication of interest in yourself or anyone in that way.

You had always put it down to his creed. As far as you were aware such things were forbidden for people of his faith but you’re left with an odd sense of comfort as you realized that wasn’t the case.

Perhaps this was his strange little way of letting you know you weren’t alone.

Ezra

When you met Ezra you were prepared for the worst.

A guy as cocky and loquacious as him and you just trying to keep your head down in the busy bar and enjoy your drink in peace after a rough day.

You didn’t have high hopes when he swung into the booth across from you and started down whatever elaborate story he had decided would impress you enough to get you into bed.

“It’s my missing appendage, isn’t it?” he asks when you quite clearly don’t bite.

He’s already moving to leave you be when your eyebrows knit together in confusion and your eyes blow wide as you’re hit with a sudden wave of guilt.

You had grown used to deflecting advances like this but something about the way he said it, the bold, charismatic man suddenly looking like a kicked puppy made your guts churn.

You didn’t normally give an explanation, you didn’t feel you owed anyone that, especially not a stranger and yet here you were.

“What? No! No, I actually think you’re very good looking and charming and all those things people look for in a partner, I’m just not particularly one for casual hookups.” You say looking around the room where you now felt wildly out of place with just about all of its inhabitants presumably looking to get laid or trying to forget someone they couldn’t do so with.

“...Or any hookups really.” You correct yourself and watch as the disappointed look on his face morphs into a glint of curiosity.

“You a uh- a spade?” He asks resettling into the booth, an oblivious smile settling on his cheeks when you laugh at him.

You spend until last-call deeply enthralled in conversation and comforted by one another’s company.

That’s all either of you were here for in the first place, to feel a little less lonely.

You’re only pried apart by the closing of the bar, the nag of sleep hot on your heels and the promise that this wouldn’t be the last you saw of each other.

Frankie Morales

Frankie knew you were asexual.

You had told him before, he just didn’t entirely understand what that meant until much later on.

He seemed familiar with the term but his knowledge of the concept didn’t seem to extend beyond a basic definition.

Frankie’s first wife was his first for a lot of things. First girlfriend, first kiss, first love, first lover, first breakup.

He took the divorce pretty hard, as anyone would.

They’d gotten married so young, before he was deployed, that the guys had never seen him single before and neither had he really.

It took a long time for him to recover and by then he was content. ‘not in a particularly big rush to start down the relationship path and get hurt again’ is how he had phrased it to you once in confidence.

But another factor that he failed to recognize fully at the time was that he just hadn’t found anyone he was interested in in that way.

He’d tried going on a couple of dates but none of them clicked and it just left him feeling more alone.

It was after Tom died, almost five years after his divorce that the guys finally called him on it.

At first they just assumed the way he had been acting was about Tom and in a sense it was, Tom was the only one who had been through a divorce before, he was the only one who really understood and talked him through it when the going got tough.

Will was the one to put the pieces together and realize that the issue wasn’t Tom so much as Frankie getting more and more tired of being on his own.

His intentions were well meaning. They were just trying to help.

All they wanted was to see him happy but the more the boys seemed to try and set him up, the more resistance they were met with and even Frankie couldn’t figure out why until he was sat, venting to you about it one night.

“How did you know you were ace?” He blurts out suddenly and you’re a little lost for words, you weren’t really expecting this conversation to go this way but it was obviously something he had been considering for a while.

“Sorry that wasn’t a fair question,” He says when he notices you’re struggling, “I just- they keep trying to set me up with, who I’m sure are some really great people, but it’s all on this little tiny screen and all you see are a couple photos and maybe a blurb if you’re lucky and there’s just no…”

“Connection?” You suggest. Those big puppy eyes shoot up to you from where they were fixed on the counter in front of him and he gives you a slight nod.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He sighs and your heart breaks a little looking at him like that before you round the counter and pull him into a hug. “I’ve felt attraction before but I look at the guys and it feels like it takes so much more for me to get to that point than them.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” You assure him gently, brushing your fingers through his hair when you pull away to give him a reassuring smile. “Sounds like you could be on the asexuality spectrum.”

“There’s a spectrum?”

[masterlist]

Permanent Taglist: @agirllovespancakes @chaoticspaceidiot @engineeredfiction @pedropascalito @dreamgirl-67 @wickedfrsgrl @hillarymurray4 @din-damn-djarin @yespolkadotkitty @wille-zarr @oloreaa @browneyes-djarin @marydjarin @roxypeanut @opheliaelysia @cryptkeepersoul @prxtty-boah @aliciaxglasgow @elena-myth @theocatkov @bioticgoddess @edencherries @kandomeresbitch @mrsparknuts @hayley-the-comet @rachelxwayne @thirstworldproblemss @andriecastana @justanotherblonde23

Pedro Boys Taglist: @theravenreads @mrschiltoncat @seasonschange-butpeopledont @dishonouringmycow @deafspaceperson

#javier peña x reader #din djarin x reader #frankie morales x reader #marcus pike x reader #ezra (prospect) x reader #frankie catfish morales x reader #ace!reader #asexual!reader #demi!reader #demisexual!reader #greysexual!reader #graysexual!reader #frankie Morales x demi!reader

150 notes · View notes

heloisedaphnebrightmore · 4 years

Text

Pain of reality [Remus Lupin x Reader] - Requested

Title: Pain of reality Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader Word count: 3.3k Published: 16 July, 2020 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore Notes: I got this little one requested by a reader of mine on Wattpad. I found the idea quite adorable, but I ended up making it a lot more angsty than I thought it would turn out to be. I hope you will like it anyway :D Summary: Remus breaks up with you in fear of hurting you. But then you overhear a conversation between Remus and his friends, which leaves you in shock. Request: [x]

"Hi HeloiseDBrightmore, I have a request for a one shot on on your Marauders imagines (X reader + gifs) story, could you do one where you get in a bad fight with Remus and he breaks up with you out of fear you will find out his furry little problem. You feel lost and then 2 weeks after the breakup you overhear Sirius and James telling him you deserve to know the truth and that you won’t care about his furry little problem. You step out to confront them, idk really know maybe something similar? I really love Remus! Thanks, keep writing your really good!" - BOOK__LOVER22 [Wattpad]

Harry Potter Characters Masterlist | Masterlists

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

"Remus John Lupin!" You shouted as you stood in the middle of the Clock Tower Courtyard with your hands resting on your hips, lips pursed in anger.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." He replied as he was about to walk away.

"No! I am so fed up of you always running away when I dare to ask about your disappearances. I have the right to know." You spoke as you walked over and stopped right before him, looking up into his dark orbs. "We have been together for almost a year. I deserve an explanation. I feel like you are keeping something from me." You tried this time in a calmer manner.

"I'm sorry." He heaved a deep sigh as he was about to talk again, but he didn't.

"Talk to me, please." You placed your hands on his chest as you inched closer to him.

"I can't." He got hold of your wrists, removed them from his body and walked away. You didn't even bother to turn around. You just let your words escape.

"Why are we even together if you can't trust me enough?" You sounded broken and weak, but he knew how hurt you have been even without hearing your voice. He knew it was all his fault. He was scared. He was afraid you would leave him, but most of all, he was terrified of hurting you.

"I guess, you are right." He blurted out, making you spin around in your place.

"What?" You exclaimed as your wide eyes were plastered over his back. He didn't turn around. He didn't even look at you for a mere second.

"I guess, we shouldn't be together. I clearly can't trust you." Silent tears left your eyes, your cheeks soaked in the liquid. You felt as if you have been stabbed on the chest and was struggling to breath.

"You don't mean that." You tried to fight the inevitable.

"I do. I don't think we should be together." He shook his head, looking up at the Clock Tower. "I think it's better if we just leave each other alone." His voice didn't even break at his words, making you feel as if you meant nothing to him. As if you have not showed him how much he meant to you. As if you have been at fault for everything that has gone bad in your relationship.

"Remus, please... don't do this. You know I love you. I really do. If I didn't show you well enough, then just tell me how to. Please don't leave me..." You sobbed. His words cut deep and you felt your heart being clenched in your ribcage stronger and stronger the more he stood in silence. "I thought everything was okay a couple of days ago. Have I done something? Let's talk this through." You attempted to save the situation, but he slowly shook his head.

"Nothing is okay. I don't... I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be with you anymore." He spoke firmly. Each and every word of his cutting deeper. You stared at his back, no words wanting to leave your lips anymore. You loved him to your core and you have never dared to imagine a break up. You were just perfect together. Of course you did fight on occasions, mostly about the secret he has been keeping from you, but it has never gone this far.

You were watching his brown sweater, the way the horizontal lines ran across the clothing, the way the bottom of his jumper wrinkled on his back.

You went numb. Your thoughts were all a mess, making you unable to process the situation. He meant everything to you, but he didn't even take a look at you as he ended the happiest part of your life.

You heaved a deep sigh and walked up to him to stand beside him. You wiped off the tear stains from your cheek and sighed once more, forcing your words out.

"I hope you will find happiness in the future." Your voice was soft and light, barely audible. It was full of sadness and guilt, feeling as if it was all your fault. That you could have done more. That you might have done something you weren't even aware of. Maybe you argued with him too much. Maybe you didn't show your feelings clearly enough. Maybe... you were just not good enough.

You walked away from him, heading up to your dormitory, wishing to be as far as possible from the person who just broke your heart into the tiniest pieces. You dropped on your bed, sobbing into your pillow, going through each and every happy moment you have experienced with Remus. His light kisses, his loving hugs, his strong hold around your hand. He was your everything and you were beyond heart broken.

He didn't even look at you as he broke off your relationship, confirming that all along it was you that felt deeply about him, but he didn't even care enough to look you in the eye while leaving you.

You didn't want to hate him, hell you couldn't have, but your pain was unbearable. After what happened, you weren't sure he has ever loved you. You thought, maybe it was just an act. He got rid off you so easily, it hurt how simple of a step it was for him to take, while you had to suffer this horrible heartache. It was unfair and you wanted nothing, but to forget him, to forget that your year long relationship might not have been real.

You cried into your pillows till the moment there were no more tears left and your heartache found its company in your headache. You gave into your sweet slumber, hoping for this all to be just a bad nightmare.

But it wasn't.

Weeks has passed and you were still hurt. You caught his eyes wondering over to you, making each and every look feel like another stab into your chest. As if he was mocking you. As if he wanted to see that you were hurting enough.

Remus wasn't that kind of a person. But then did you actually know him? Breaking up with you seemed to be one of the easiest things he has ever done. The heavy weight of your unrequited love and the sight of your clearly unaffected ex-boyfriend fuelled your sadness.

As you walked out to the Black lake on a cloudy, dark afternoon, you saw Remus talking to his friends, almost as if they were having an argument. Remus was heavily gesturing, like he was trying to deny something, while James and Sirius seemed agitated.

You walked closer to the group of friends, hiding behind a large oak tree. You have stood just a couple of meters away, close enough to be able to hear their conversation.

"Moony, you have to stop this. You are hurting both of you." Sirius said as he threw his arms in the air dramatically.

"I can't, Padfoot. I can't let Y/N get any closer to me." He tried to argue with his friend, making you frown as you realised you were part of the subject of their conversation.

"But you can! We stayed by your side all along. We didn't leave you. Why is it so hard to believe that people who love you would stay by your side?" James argued this time, trying to convince Remus, but he just shook his head in denial.

"It's not just that, Prongs. It would kill me if I ever hurt Y/N. It kills me to even think about it. I can't let that happen and the most logical way is to keep myself away." He explained firmly.

"Logical? You are not being logical at all, Moony. Y/N is a smart person, who loves you to bits. I can't imagine anyone else being more accepting, more loving. You would just need to explain things clearly. You need to communicate instead of making decision on your own. Stupid decision to stay the least." Sirius attempted to argue with his friend's reasoning.

"I can't." He replied simply.

"I give up." Sirius stepped back abruptly, turning to the tree you were hiding behind. Your eyes widened. So did his, before a huge grin appeared across his face and gave you a cheeky wink. "Let me ask you something. Do you love Y/N?"

"Of course, I do. How many times do I have to tell you how much? Do you think I would have ended things if I didn't care?" He frowned, raising his voice, clearly agitated. You felt your heartbeat quicken, hope filling you up once again.

"Do you miss her?" Sirius continued.

"Please, don't make this any more difficult than it already is." He begged his friend almost as if he was in pain.

"Do you?" He didn't plan on giving up though.

"What do you think? I don't think I have loved anyone else so strongly before." He heaved a deep sigh, shaking his head. "Can we just change subject? I really don't want to talk about this."

"Then Y/N has the right to know that you are werewolf." He shrugged as if he was concluding the conversation. Your eyes widened in surprise, your lips parted involuntarily. You stepped out of your hiding, staring at the love of your life in shock.

"Y/N..." Remus exclaimed, a terrified expression across his face.

"Did you hear all of that?" Sirius asked and you nodded in reply.

"Sirius, what have you done?" Remus whispered weakly, his eyes not even leaving you for a second.

"I made sure that Y/N had a say in your decision too. You can hate me and you can even curse me for revealing your secret, but breaking up over something that you didn't even try to explain, is plain dumb. You didn't even give Y/N a chance to understand or to make a decision by leaving you or staying by your side." He shrugged casually.

You were shocked to say the least. It was definitely hard to process, but in no way it affected the fact that he loved you and you loved him. Sirius was right. He should have shared this with you and let you decide whether you wanted to stay by his side or leave him for good. You had every right to know, especially after you heard how much he loved you.

"So... you are... a werewolf?" You spoke hesitantly, questioningly. He heaved a deep sigh and hid his face behind his palms. "I am not saying I'm not surprised. I am still processing. But I had the right to know." You explained, waiting for him to reply.

"Maybe. I guess. But even if I told you, it wouldn't change the fact that I am afraid of hurting you. I can't be close to you." He shook his head, letting his arms drop.

"Actually, it would change a lot. I think I can make a decision on wanting to be with you or not even if you have a furry little problem. My feelings didn't change. I still love you, Remus." You replied firmly.

"Even if you wanted to be with me, despite all that you have just heard, I would still be scared of hurting you. I wouldn't want to risk that." He raised his voice to get his opinion across to you.

"But you said it yourself. You still love me." You tried to argue with him.

"But I don't want to be with you." He spoke firmly, making your heart skip a beat, your breath hitch in surprise. It has never occurred to you. He was right. He might have loved you, but that didn't mean he wanted to be with you. You couldn't begin to describe how silly you felt for having your hopes up.

"Oh..." You swallowed hard, feeling the tears collecting in your eyes.

"That's not what I..." He started, but you cut him off.

"No, no... I understand. I guess I just didn't think this through." You scratched the back of your neck awkwardly with a painful smile. It hurt bad. You thought being dumped was painful, but feeling rejected and being told he didn't need you for a second time, sent you over the edge.

"Y/N..." He called out for you, almost whispering your name painfully as he stepped closer. However you backed away. You didn't need him to comfort you. The last thing you needed is to feel him anywhere near you.

"It's fine, Remus. Really." You smiled at him, trying to force it as hard as you could to make him feel better. "It's fine." You said as you turned around and hurried back to the castle.

"You are officially an idiot." James exclaimed shaking his head.

You were almost running through the corridors, trying to keep your tears at bay until you were out of sight finally. You hid behind a portrait, a hole in the wall, which Remus showed you a couple of months back, letting your tears run across your face endlessly.

You held your fist in front of your chest, clenched tightly, your knuckles turning white as if it was helping your pain to go away. But it didn't. Your breathing was uneven, your lips dry, your face deformed. Your pain couldn't have been more obvious. You threw your head backwards, letting it harshly collide with the cold wall behind you. The pain was nothing compared to the lump, the suffocating feeling in your throat.

A flash of light blinded you for a second as you saw the portrait door open. Remus stepped inside, closing it behind himself.

"Remus, I really need to be alone right now." You spoke weakly, trying to remove the tear stains from your cheek.

"I'm sorry." He spoke, crouching down in front of you, placing one of his hands on your cheek gently. "I am so sorry, Y/N. I am so so sorry." He kept repeating himself, making you feel indescribably confused.

"I don't understand." You furrowed your brows, waiting for a reply.

"Of course, I want to be with you. That's not what I meant out there." He sighed deeply, caressing your cheek with his thumb. "When I broke up with you, it was the hardest moment of my life."

"Sure didn't seem like it." You scoffed rudely and even you were surprised at your behaviour.

"I know. I tried to hide it. I thought if I left you and stayed away from you, it would solve everything. You don't understand how hard it was for me to see you suffer each and every day. I wanted to walk up to you and just wrap my arms around you to tell you that it will all be fine. I am really sorry for hurting you." His gentle tone, his apologies, his guilty look made you want to engulf him in a hug, but you stopped yourself. You were too hurt.

"I thought I wasn't good enough. I thought maybe you never loved me." You admitted shyly.

"What? No! Don't even think about such silly things. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." He spoke in a panicking tone.

"What do you expect me to say?" You asked, unsure. He didn't want to be with you, but he wanted to be with you. He didn't want to hurt you, but here he was telling you how important you have been to him. You were utterly confused and beyond unsure of everything.

"I..." He stoped to think for a second. "I want to be with you. I want to kiss you, I want to hug you, I want to talk to you. I need you." He spoke softly, getting hold of your hands.

"Aren't you afraid of hurting me anymore?" You asked, not wanting him to back away in the future with the same stupid reason.

"I am. I am terrified even thinking about it. But I have the dumbest friends and I am the dumbest of them all. I guess they made me realise that I needed you more than I dared to admit." He confessed.

"I love you Remus. I really do, but how do I know that you won't just stand up with another stupid excuse and walk away?" You asked painfully, thinking through every possible options.

"My secret is out there. If you accept me like this, I have no reason to walk away." He squeezed your hands gently as if he tried to reassure you that he was there for you.

"We will have to talk about this. You will have to explain everything to me. My knowledge on werewolfs is not really broad." You smiled softly.

"Does that mean you are giving me a second chance?" He asked, eyes holding nothing but hope. You heaved a deep sigh before opening your lips to talk.

"You will need to work on getting my trust back. You really hurt me, you know?" You warned him even though you knew you would be back in his arms in no time. "You didn't let me make a decision on my own. You should know me by now, still you didn't even consider that I might have wanted to be with you whether you are a werwolf or not. You left me thinking you didn't want to be with me, that you didn't love me anymore. I thought it was all my fault. Seeing you every single day was as painful as it can get." You tried to make him understand how deeply his decision affected you.

"I am really sorry. I thought getting over the pain of break up was better than if I ever physically hurt you. I thought I made the right decision when I did it." He tried to explain it to you, but it didn't work on you anymore.

"Clearly didn't." You spoke harshly.

"I'm sorry, Y/N..." He sighed deeply. "Would you give me another chance, please?" He asked with a guilty expression across his face and you finally let your hard exterior go.

"You know... maybe if you kissed me, that would help me decide." You smiled playfully, which earned a heartfelt laughter from him. He leaned closer to you and attached his lips to yours, placing his hand behind your neck, keeping you impossibly close to him. He was a little rough, maybe more passionate than ever, but you didn't mind. You felt his feelings, his reassurance coming through to you and you knew he would do anything to keep you by his side at this point. As you parted he hinted a small peck on your lips before looking into your eyes.

"Did that convince you?" He asked with a raised brow. His smile grew wider as you giggled at his question.

"Maybe you need to try again. I am not quite certain just yet." You smirked, which made him shook his head, but soon his lips were on yours once again, kissing you just as lovingly as before. If not more.

Notes: If you enjoyed it, don't forget to like and/or reblog the chapter. Thank you :)

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

490 notes · View notes