#had a really low energy day today so I haven’t been around much other than to like stuff so I can reblog it with proper tags tomorrow

[imabillyami]

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[wafflesinthe504]

If Love Had Come To Me I Wouldn't Recognize It (Now Every Time You Smile Its a Little Priceless)

@flufftober

Rating: High T/ Low M: Fade to Black scene

Fandom: The Rookie

Prompt Fill: 🌹 and "You are my person."

Title from One Life by Dermot Kennedy

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For the first time in years Tim was excited for Valentine’s Day. He had been planning and preparing for his first Valentine’s Day with Lucy since the last week in January. He hoped that tonight all of his preparations for tonight would finally pay off.

Tim was finishing the final touches of the main course when Kojo got up from his bed and started barking at the door wagging his tail and turning around in circles. A moment later his suspicion was confirmed when the door opened to reveal Lucy in the green dress from Angela’s wedding. He’s glad that he went with a dark green shirt and black suit jacket for the evening.

Tim is too stunned by Lucy to form any words let alone focus on anything other than her. He takes her in as she sets her things down on the couch before focusing her attention Kojo who had been prancing around her feet from the moment she stepped into the house.

“Hey, sorry I’m late. Traffic was crazy. I left my house twenty minutes early and LA traffic still managed to be worse than I could have imagined.” Lucy says as she continues to pet Kojo.

Tim means to respond. Really, he does but his brain can’t seem to get over how easily Lucy makes herself at home in his space. He can’t wait until the day they move in together officially.

Tim is snapped out of his thoughts when he hears Lucy ask him something.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“I asked if you were okay. You looked pretty lost in thought there for a moment.” Lucy says, her brows pinched together, as she walks over to Tim placing a hand on his arm.

Tim smiles. He loves how she always checks up on him. He’s so used to taking care of people it’s nice to be taken care of. “I’m good. I just forgot how breathtaking you are.” Tim kisses away the worry lines on Lucy’s forehead and places his hands on her hips.

He watches as Lucy blushes at his words, a smile breaking out over her face.

“Thanks, you’re not too bad yourself.” Lucy teases.

“Not too bad?”

“Alright, you are very handsome. Better?”

“Much.”

Tim leans down and kisses Lucy gently before placing a kiss on her nose and head. He and Lucy rest their foreheads against each other closing their eyes and simply enjoying each other’s presence. Well, that is until Lucy’s stomach growls.

They both laugh as they pull away from each other.

“Lucy?

She hums in response.

“Did you forget to eat lunch today?”

“No, it was just cut short when me and Aaron got a urgent call that needed an immediate response. So, I’m sort of running on a taco and a half right now. By the way everything smells amazing. What did you cook for tonight?”

“That is a surprise. Do you mind taking Kojo out to the backyard? I haven’t been able to give him a proper walk this evening and I’m sure he needs to run off some energy. Everything should be set up once you get back.”

“Ok, is there anything I need to grab for him before I take him out?”

“No, his outdoor water bowl should be full and I fed him a few minutes before you got here so he shouldn’t be hungry.”

“Alright. I’ll be right back.” Lucy says right before she Kojo over to follow her outside.

Tim watches as she grabs one of Kojo favorite chew toys and brings out with her. He has to stop himself from staring again so that he can get the table ready. Tim sets out a fancy tableware set that Angela had brought him a while ago. Next, he gets the nice bottle of red wine out of the fridge and sets it in the middle of the table along with two wine glasses. Finally, he plates up the main dish of the night and sets the side dishes on either side of the wine bottle.

Tim dims the lights and lights a few candles that he had seen at Lucy’s apartment and bought a few days ago.

Tim stands next to the table as he waits for Lucy to come back in. Lucy’s laughter fills the house as she comes back in. He hears her say goodbye to Kojo as she closes the door behind her.

“You were right Kojo definitely needed to run off some energy. I feel a little ba-.” Lucy pauses as she reaches the dining room.  “Oh, wow! This is amazing. How did you manage to set all of this up? I was only gone a few minutes.”

“A lot of preparation beforehand.” Tim pulls out her chair and gestures for her to take a seat. He relishes in the short but sweet kiss that Lucy places on his cheek. Tim returns the gesture before taking a seat in the chair across from her. 

Lucy stares at all the food laid out on the table.

“Tim everything looks and smells delicious. You know you didn’t have to do all of this.”

“I know, but I wanted to. This is our first Valentine’s Day together and I wanted to make sure it was special.”

“Thank you. Seriously, this has already blown all of my previous Valentine’s Day out of the water.” Lucy takes another look at the food in front of her smiles. “Wait is this the vegetable lasagna-.”

“That you told me about a few days ago. Yes, it is. You seemed so excited about it so I thought that I would surprise you with it for tonight. Hopefully, I did it justice.”

“If it tastes as good as it smells I’m sure that it is going to be amazing.”

“And as the sides I made some garlic bread and I tried my hand at making those seafood dumplings that you made a few weeks ago.”

Lucy adoringly stares at Tim. She starts and stops to say something multiple times before shaking her head and leaning over the table to kiss Tim.

“Wow, I didn’t think I’d ever manage to render Lucy Chen speechless.” Tim teases against her lips.

Lucy chuckles and rolls her eyes as she leans back in her chair.

“Well, consider the impossible done. I am without words for everything that I’m feeling right now.”

“All good I hope.”

Lucy smiles and nods. “All good.”

As Tim and Lucy eat they converse lightly about their day, family, and friends. Their conversation is lively and full of laughter. Over the course of the dinner Tim feels the stress of the past few days melt away. He knows that him and Lucy are still in the early stages of their relationships but he already knows that he wants this for the rest of his life. Coming home to Lucy or Lucy coming home to him and relaxing in each other’s presence. He knows that everyday won’t be perfect and they’ll still have their arguments but he’s ready for that too because Lucy, their relationship and their future family will always be worth fighting for.

Its almost funny that today’s the day that he has the gut punch realization of what he’s feeling. There’s 365 days in the year and of course he figures out that he loves Lucy Chen on Valentine’s Day. Its probably the most cliché thing that has ever happened to him in his life and he really can’t find it in himself to care. Tim quietly chuckles to himself and shakes his head at himself.

He's not surprised that Lucy notices and it just makes him smile harder.

“What?” Lucy asks, a light smile crosses her face as her brows draw together.

Tim swears that his heart grows bigger and he thinks it might explode from all the love he has for Lucy.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll tell you after we clean up. I want to tell you right and I think I need a few minutes to figure out to do that okay.” He says meeting Lucy’s gaze.

“Okay. I’ll get the dishes and you get Kojo. I’m sure he wants some one on one time with his dad.”

“Luce I was going to get the dishes.”

“I know, but you did all of this for me today. Let me at least help with cleaning up.”

Tim reaches across the space between him and Lucy and lays his hand, palm side up, on the table. His hand is quickly enveloped in hers.

“I did this for us, Luce.”

“I know Tim. I know.”

Tim watches as Lucy stands and walks around the table. She sits in Tim’s lap, looping her arms around his neck. Tim wraps his arms around her waist holding her close him. He can’t help but to rest his head in the crook of her neck. He loves how Lucy’s hands feel as she gently runs her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. Tim places a gentle kiss to her shoulder before lifting his head to look at her.  

“Let me get the dishes Tim. I appreciate everything you did for us today, so just let me do this. Trust me putting some dishes in the dish washer isn’t going to ruin Valentine’s Day for me.”

“Okay, I’ll get our dog ready for bed while you get the dishes.”

Tim kisses Lucy one last time reluctantly breaking their embrace to go get Kojo. He changes out of his dress clothes and into a pair of sweats and t-shirt before going to Kojo. When he steps outside he sees Kojo laying in his dog house lazily biting one of his chew toys. For a moment he considers just bringing Kojo inside but he knows from previous experience that if Kojo doesn’t have a proper night time run the dog will be up all hours of the night wanting play.

Tim calls Kojo over to him who runs over happily barking and wagging his tail.

“Hey, who’s a good boy.” Tim says as he kneels down to Kojo to give him some rubs and cuddles. “You ready for your walk buddy? Yeah? Alright, come on lets go.” He says as he hooks Kojo’s leash into his collar.

Tim takes Kojo for a run around the block two times. By the time he and Kojo arrive back at his house nearly half an hour has passed. When they enter the house Kojo goes to his bed. Tim locks up the house and sets the alarm. He calls out Lucy’s name when he doesn’t see her in the kitchen.     

“In here.” Lucy calls out from Tim’s room.

The sight that greets Tim when steps into his room stops him in his tracks. Lucy’s night clothes are laid out on his bed. She’s already started to change. Her shoes from earlier are off and her dress is partially undone.

“See something you like?” Lucy teases as she turns to face Tim.

“Yeah, I do.” Tim says taking a step toward Lucy. “May I?” He asks gesturing towards Lucy’s dress.

Lucy nods, turning back around to let Tim access the zipper. “You sort of have great timing because the zipper got stuck and I’m not really in the position to unstick it.”

Tim chuckles as he gently tugs the zipper to unstick it. Eventually the zipper comes free and he’s able to unzip the dress. One side of the dress slips down Lucy’s shoulder. Tim presses a kiss into the shoulder that’s now exposed. He feels her shudder against him.

“Is this, okay?”

Lucy nods imperceptibly. “Yeah, better than okay.” She leans into Tim’s embrace.

Tim carefully helps Lucy out of the rest of the dress, kissing every inch of skin that he can along the way. It isn’t until he pulls back from Lucy that he notices the matching set of underwear that she’s wearing. Once again, he’s rendered speechless. When Lucy turns in his arms to face him, he gladly accepts her kiss his hands landing on her hips, his thumbs rubbing small circles into her side. He feels her hands land on his shoulder before they run down chest and continue their way down to the hem of his shirt only to push the shirt up as far as she can.

Tim breaks the kiss to take his shirt off the rest of the way and throws it off to the wayside.

“Lucy, you are the most amazing and beautiful person I know and I am so lucky to have you in my life.” Tim says in-between peppering kisses along her neck and shoulder.

He leans into Lucy’s touch when she caresses his face and lets her guide his head so that he meets her gaze and when he look into her eyes he sees a multitude of intense emotions swirling around.

“Tim, everyday that I’m with you is one of the best days of my life. You are so strong and kind. I am so happy to be the one you chose to be vulnerable with. Thank you for letting me in.”     

He wants to tell her right now exactly how he feels about. How much he loves her and can’t wait spend the rest of his life with her. How she was the one to help him re-learn how to be open and vulnerable to those he cares about. He wants to explain to her that over the last few years and especially these last few months home stopped being a place and started being anywhere she is and that he’s most at home when he’s in her arms.

Its all bubbling right at the surface, but he doesn’t think now is the right time. He doesn’t want her to think that he’s saying it because they’re about to have sex and its his lust filled brain taking over. Tim wants her to know just how much he means every word he wants to say. So, he waits.

Instead, he kisses her trying to convey every emotion he’s filling into the action. On some level she must understand because she kisses him back with the same intensity and Tim is sure he’s never been happier about the fact that they don’t need words to communicate.

Tim picks Lucy up and brings her over to the bed laying her down. He hears her confused whine when he pulls away from her. Tim notes the way the whine turns into a giggle once she realizes what he’s doing.

“Alright, good call. I would have hated for my clothes to get ruined.” She says as she watches him put away her dress and the clothes that she had laid out earlier into her bag that was now sitting next to the bed.   

After he’s done Tim makes his way back over to Lucy and covers her body with his own. Over the next few hours Tim makes it clear with his actions how much he loves and adores Lucy. Tim is more surprised than he should be when Lucy returns his affection and so much more.

__________________________

Its not until late the next morning that the conversation that he wanted to have last night is brought up again. They’re sitting on the couch eating breakfast that they decided to DoorDash since neither one had the energy to cook with both of them still being tired from last night’s activities. A rom-com that Lucy had chosen plays out in front of them with Tim only half paying attention As the credit begin to roll Lucy mutes the tv and turns to him.

“I know that there was something that you wanted to talk about last night after dinner, but then we got… distracted. Do you still want to talk about it?”

This is his chance to finally tell Lucy that he loves her. After months maybe even years he finally gets to tell her, but when it comes to saying those three words out loud he freezes. He knows that rationally there’s nothing to fear because he’s pretty sure that Lucy feels the same way. And for a moment he considers changing the subject or making something up, but then he remembers how Lucy had told with such reverence that he is strong and brave last night and he musters up the courage to tell her.

Tim pulls Lucy into his lap, guiding her so that she straddles his waist and looks into her eyes.

“Lucy, you are my person. The one I want to be with on my best days and worst nights. The one I trust more than anyone in the world to have my back or call me on my BS. I know that we’ve only been dating a few months, but I am in love with you and I hope I get to share the rest of my life with you.”

A moment passes as Tim waits for Lucy’s response. His heart is beating so hard he swears its going to beat out of his chest and he knows that Lucy can feel his heart beat from where her hand is resting on his chest. He’s nearly taken off guard by the way Lucy surges forward and kisses him.

“Tim, you are my person too. You are my home and my safe place. I love you so much and I can’t wait to build a family with you one day.” Lucy says against his lips. She kisses him one more time before settling her head in-between the crook of his shoulder and neck. Her hand rests over his heart.

Tim kisses her head and wraps an arm around her waist while his other hand reaches up to hold her hand. He doesn’t know how long they stay like this and can’t really find it in him to care because as long as he’s with Lucy he’s home. He can’t wait for their next Valentine’s Day together and all the other moments in-between.

[wildweirdly]

Long ramble about random life stuff

On the weekends I usually go visit my girlfriend but she has a test on Monday so we decided to skip seeing each other so she could focus on studying. Fortunately I’m in a better place than I used to be so I haven’t been feeling lost or abandoned because of it but I do feel a level of displacement.

I tried reaching out to my crush but they’re busy, so idk what I’ll be doing for the remainder of my weekend. Overall I’d like to force myself to do chores but I get so anxious about cleaning when other people are around so idk. On top of that my energy is low cause I messed up my blood sugar with dinner. Trying to remedy it with coffee and hard cider currently.

On the positive side my boyfriend is off tomorrow as well so we’ll have the whole day together. The hard part is gonna be avoiding the urge to go out and spend money (I made a few mistakes so I’m flat broke till the 11th lmao) :X

So far I’ve had both my girlfriend and a coworker of mine offer to let me borrow money but I worry I’d just spend it on food I should be avoiding so I’m trying to just live through the brokenness with what I have. Besides, it’s my own doing that ended me up here so I want to take responsibility for that.

I’ve also been doing some reading today so maybe that’s a thing I can do in my down time now. Through some observations my coworker made I sorta re-realized that I’ve been doing the self detrimental people pleasing thing at work and so I’ve been taking time to do some reading/“research” on the fawn trauma response and how it relates to some of the problems I’ve been dealing with.

Also aforementioned crush recommend a couple of things to read and I managed to check one of them out before my mind ADHD-ed the information into the void. So far it’s been interesting but I haven’t gotten very far. I’m hoping that reading it might be able to lead me to a some sort of dialogue or something, idk.

Both my crush and my girlfriend are literary driven with interest in psychology and philosophy and I’d like to feel like I’m on more even ground with them. Currently I don’t know much on either besides the fuzzy memories of bits and pieces I learned in high school which isn’t very useful. Besides that I like feeling smart and lately I’ve felt like an idiot so maybe reading something “bigger” will allow me to ease up on myself.

The cider I’m drinking tonight is disgusting but I’m thankful I have it. I hate to say it but I sometimes feel like alcohol helps level my anxiety. Could just be a placebo though, I dunno. I try to be cautious cause my liver is already a little broken (thanks diabetes!) and my family has a history of alcohol issues so if I drink I limit myself to one a night (unless I go out, cause when I do I allow myself two).

Honestly I’m surprised how well I’m doing given that I’m off two out of my three psych meds. I never really planned on abruptly stopping but my psychiatrist has been ignoring my request for a refill on my anxiety meds and so it snowballed. If I have to be real about it there’s been some tension between my girlfriend’s anti-med views and my own reliance on them so it’s hard not to worry part of me is doing this to please her or “prove” myself in some way. But on the other hand my antipsychotics were fucking up my blood sugar in ways I’m still trying to recover from and I don’t feel different without them so I guess it’s a net gain. Why really shocks me is how normal I’m able to feel without my anxiety meds. I had some idea that they weren’t working properly for me and my psychiatrist seemed unwilling to look into alternatives so it also feels like it’s pointless to be on them, Yano? Like if they aren’t gonna do anything I really don’t see merit in taking them. The other one I’m on is an antidepressant and I have no intention of trying to alter that cause it genuinely helps me so yeah.

I’ll probably write another thing tonight but we’ll see.

[2goth2moth]

Until You Can't Stand (M!Werewolf x M!Incubus, NSFW)

Big shoutout to @xo-philia for beta-reading this for me!

Word count: 3476

Includes: Marking (biting and scratching to draw blood), mild possessiveness, pet names, knotting, scent kink (kind of), mild praise kink, non-human genitalia, self-lubrication

There was something Luke hated about being a werewolf: mating cycles. The slow, constricting heat that flooded his body every few months, the way he lost control of his shift, the oversensitivity. It interrupted every part of his life, and he hated it. The only solace he could find was the fact that it gave him an excuse to spend the week shut in with his incubus boyfriend.

He opened the door to his apartment, prickling nerves instantly soothed by the comforting smell of home. The small collection of rooms he shared with his boyfriend always smelled nice. They never could quite clean out the scent of spices and bread out of their kitchen, and it seemed to spread to all the other rooms easily. Now, however, with his senses being pushed to their limits, he could pick out all the scents that filled the small apartment: the milk and cardamom from their chai that morning that hung in the air, his own thick musk, his incubus’ clean, pleasant salt. It was stronger than usual, clearly coming from their bedroom. Luke smiled at the thought of Allius being home already. He took his shoes off at the front door, dropped his bag by the table, and went inside.

Their bedroom was small, like the rest of their apartment, and always kept cool (Luke tended to run warm). Allius was sprawled messily on the floor beside their bed in a nest of soft blankets, absentmindedly writing in the margins of a book.

He looked up at the sound of the door opening and smiled brightly. He sat up, keeping one blanket drawn around him, and reached out a hand to Luke.

“Hey, love. I wasn’t expecting you back yet.” Luke sat down on top of the blankets and took Allius’ hand gently. “Don’t you have work today?”

Allius traced his fingertips around Luke’s large nails. “Your mating cycle is starting today,” he said simply. “I wanted to be here for you. I know it’s rough to handle on your own. Besides,” he added, bringing his other hand to Luke’s face, pulling his lips back from rapidly growing teeth. “Can you really be so surprised that I want to be with the man I love right now?”

He chuffed at this, nuzzling into the hand at his face. He was shifting more now, quickly approaching the half-man-half-wolf that he would be for the days of his cycle. Allius continued toying with Luke’s hands and head as his jaw widened and extended, as his nails turned to thick, hard claws, as fur began to grow along his throat and arms. The blanket draped around the demon’s shoulders slipped down to reveal a grey shirt- one of Luke’s grey shirts- worn thin and soft in the washer. It was large on him, falling off his narrow shoulders. A low pang of want rumbled through Luke.

He nipped lightly at Allius’ fingers. “This is unfair. You look too good.”

“Really? This is unfair?” He feigned insult, gasping and dramatically putting the hand that was not being nibbled on over his heart. “And after I went through all the effort of dressing up for you!”

Luke laughed. “‘Dressing up’?” He ran a finger under the shirt’s loose neckline. “This is basically pajamas.”

“Well, you haven’t seen the whole thing yet.”

Luke’s mouth went dry at the idea of “the whole thing”. Allius must have heard his breath catch in his throat, because he kissed him once and backed away from him a little, rising to his knees. The blankets tucked around his legs fell away, exposing...holy shit.

The hem of the shirt fell clean past the middle of his thighs, hiding whatever he was wearing on the bottom, until he pulled the edge up to below his navel. Underneath, he only had black panties, cut high across the hips, with mesh on the sides. His cock was obvious, pressed against the thin fabric, and the sight sent a bolt of heat to Luke’s abdomen.

“Do you want to see more?” Allius asked, fiddling with the fabric in his hands. Luke nodded dumbly.

Crossing his arms at the hem of the shirt, Allius whipped it over his head. His human form was beautiful. Fine, dark hair covered his legs and arms, and ran down his belly to disappear under the panties. Tiny crystals twinkled at his navel and on both of his dusky nipples. He brought a hand up to toy with them one at a time, jaw clenching in pleasure as he teased each nub to full hardness.

Luke had to grind the heel of his palm into his cock to relieve some of the pressure building in his pants. “Holy shit.” He barely noticed the familiar bone-deep grind that came when a fluffy tail began sprouting from the bottom of his spine.

Stepping quietly, Allius settled himself in front of Luke again. He placed his hands primly between them and leaned forward on them to kiss the werewolf softly. A small tongue licked at the seam of his lips. He moaned, letting Allius slip his tongue in fully. Their lips moved together and Luke hummed in contentment at the feeling of that tongue trace over his sharp teeth. He sucked on it, then took Allius’ lower lip in his teeth and bit down, just hard enough to break skin. Allius pulled back with a smile and one last kiss to the corner of Luke’s mouth.

“So? How do you want me?” Allius purred, his form shimmering between human and reptilian, feathered and furred.

Seeing every one of his lover’s gorgeous forms was straining Luke’s already thin self-control. He couldn’t bear to wait another second. “You. Just... you. As yourself.”

Allius grinned devilishly, arching down into the floor as his true form rippled through his body. The skin at his hairline and on his hands and feet burnished to an inky black. Small, humanoid teeth and nails sharpened to fangs and claws, and short nubby horns sprouted from his forehead. A line of shiny, platelike scales grew down his spine, leading into a dextrous tail at the base of his back. He was perfect, every inch the demonic temptor Luke knew him to be.

Luke hardened even more at the sight, his own bushy tail lashing behind him in a combination of distress and arousal. A low, long whine came from the back of his throat. “Stop teasing.”

“Aw, puppy,” the incubus said, crawling to kneel in front of him. “Getting impatient?”

“You know I am,” he replied through gritted teeth. “I’m in my mating cycle, this is just mean.”

Allius’ gaze dropped to his cock, where it was starting to strain against the seam of his sweatpants. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He leaned over, kissing Luke’s cheek, running his small clawed hands over the wolf’s thick thighs. The touch was electric. The air around them was heavy, musky and rich with the pheromones that Luke was putting out. “How quickly do you want to go?”

Luke buried his nose into the crook of Allius’ neck, breathing in, recognizing the now-present floral sweetness of his arousal. He ran a broad, flat tongue over his collarbone. Goosebumps erupted over Allius’ skin. It was getting difficult for the werewolf to remain coherent, but he fought his instincts. “You haven’t fed in a while. What do you need?”

This earned him a firm tap on the side of his head with the demon’s fingertips. “I feed on your pleasure, dummy. I’ll be getting my fill plenty over the next few days. You don’t need to worry about me right now.” His hands came to rest on Luke’s clothed dick. “Now, answer my question: how do you want this to go?”

The slight domineering tone sent a shiver through him. The honest answer was that he wanted everything. Everything Allius would give him, to give Allius everything in return. The short answer…

“I want to fuck you ‘til you can’t stand.”

Allius’ eyes widened slightly before he grinned again. His lips met Luke’s in a kiss, as brief and fierce as it was filthy. Nipping his bottom lip once, the incubus turned around and arched his back. The black cloth of his underwear disappeared between his asscheeks. His tail flicked slowly and playfully as he looked back over his shoulder. “What are you waiting for, alpha? I’m ready.”

Luke grabbed his hip hard in one large, clawed hand. “You know that’s not how it works.”

The demon in front of him looked pointedly at his still-hard cock. “Doesn’t seem like it’s ruining the mood though, does it?” He lowered his chest to the floor and spread his knees slightly, presenting his ass even more obviously. Luke could see the slick soaking through his panties. “Now come on, baby. I thought you said something about ‘until I can’t stand’?”

Licking his lips, Luke pulled the fabric nestled between his asscheeks aside to expose his hole. Slick, sweet-smelling and vaguely pink, ran down his balls. He lapped it up, heightened lupine senses relishing in the scent of his lover. It was intoxicating, and he licked up every drop he could, purposefully avoiding where he wanted to go most. The incubus below him was breathing heavily and pushing back against his face. A growl ripped loose from his throat as his teeth sank into a soft, plush leg. It was torture trying not to break skin, but healing in his demon form, although complete, was strenuous and cost Allius a lot of energy. Luke soothed the area with a slow drag of his tongue.

A high-pitched whimper came from the demon kneeling in front of him. Luke pulled back, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. “Are you okay?”

A glance at his face showed Allius flushed and sweaty. Spit shone around his mouth where he had clearly been biting his arm to retain some composure. “You’re holding back.”

“Yeah, I know that…”

“Stop it. I want you to mark me. As much as you can. Even if it won’t hold, I want you to make me yours. Wreck me, Luke.”

This command, bitten out as Allius’ chest heaved with deep gasps and his tail lashed impatiently, snapped the remaining threads of his control. Luke snarled loudly and yanked his own pants down his thighs, freeing his cock. He kicked them the rest of the way off and tore his shirt from his body in a fit of impatience. Big, lupine hands dug deep into the meat of the incubus’ ass. Golden blood welled up around his claws and dripped in thin rivulets down the smooth skin of his legs. Allius moaned quietly, shoving his face down into the floor. Luke bent his head back down to lick over his hole again, trying to pull more noises from the demon’s throat. The ring of muscle was already soft and opened to him readily, letting him stick his tongue inside. A particularly strong flick sent the incubus rocking back against him even more insistently. Whimpers were now spilling from his mouth in earnest as he brought one of his hands to rub against his cock through the thin panties.

Luke pulled back from Allius’ ass, licking his lips. A mix of spit and slick covered the bottom of his face and had begun to drip down onto his chest, wetting down his coarse hair. Allius looked back at him again, eyes blown out, and Luke couldn’t help but follow a drop of sweat that ran from his nape down the length of his spine. “Come on, puppy, please.” He was whining at this point, arching his back more, slick still dripping down his balls and thighs.

Biting down hard on his asscheek one last time, Luke lined up the head of his cock, flushed red and leaking pre-cum, with his entrance. “Ready?” He said, leaning over to kiss Allius’ shoulder gently.

Allius tried to buck his hips back onto Luke’s cock himself, but the vice-like grip on his hips kept him from doing much more than wriggling helplessly. “Just fuck me already!”

More golden blood was leaking from where Luke was holding him, more slick coming from his hole. In one swift movement, he plunged into Allius until his hips were sitting flush against his backside. The thrust drove the demon’s whole body forward, chest skidding along the floor. The low grunt that Luke let out was drowned out by Allius’ high-pitched whine.

He was already panting hard at the feeling of Allius’ tight walls around him. A sinuous black tail flicked anxiously as he once again tried to push back on the cock inside him. This wasn’t enough for either of them. Keeping one large hand on the demon’s hip and bracing the other against his back, Luke set a punishing pace into his boyfriend. Each thrust sent jolts through his body as he was driven further and further into the floor.

“AH...fuck!” Wanton sounds of pleasure spilled from Allius’ lips even from where his face was hidden in the crook of his elbow. He was humping back against each stroke, trying to get even more stimulation. His tail was going crazy, winding around the werewolf’s wrists, ankles; even batting frantically at his hip. It took an iron grip around the hand braced against his back. The long fingers and claws spanned nearly the entire width of his waist. Luke pressed his fingertips experimentally into the soft flesh of his demon. Five pinpricks of blood rose to the surface. “Oh, shit. Keep going!”

Luke hooked his claws into the flimsy fabric of the panties that Allius was still wearing. In one rough swipe, he shredded them and pulled the remains off of him, leaving the incubus naked. Resetting His grip on his hips, Luke sank all the way into him before pulling out, leaving only the head of his cock, and thrusting in again. Allius moaned once again, the noise sweet and high-pitched despite how muffled it was. Luke had a problem with this.

He sank his teeth into Allius’ shoulder, tasting the blood spill around them. “Stop fucking hiding. I want to hear you,” he snarled into Allius’ skin. Wrapping his arms firmly around the incubus’ waist and chest, he wrenched him upright onto his knees. “I want everyone to hear you.”

The possessive words made Allius tighten around him. “God, you’re in a mood today,” he choked out, struggling to maintain composure as Luke rammed into him. “So- ahh- territorial.”

Luke dug in everywhere he was holding Allius, leaving bite marks on his neck and deep scratches on his belly and ribs. “You knew this would happen,” he said with a particularly rough thrust. He began pulling Allius’ much smaller body back into him with each drive of his pelvis.

Each stroke was reaching impossibly deeper inside him, and he was slack-jawed and drooling with pleasure. His tail wrapped around one of Luke’s muscular thighs.

“Hnng- ah- ahh...fuck!” Allius’ cock hit his own abdomen with each drive of Luke’s hips, and it left smears of pre-cum on his smooth brown skin. He brought one hand down to harshly stroke his cock. “Of- ah! Of c-course I did . Why- oh- why do you think I look forward to this so much?”

A violent bolt of lust and affection lanced through Luke. He loosened the grip on Allius’ torso to take his nipples in his fingers. He rolled the nubs between his fingertips, tugging on the piercings but careful not to cut the delicate skin. “You’re perfect,” Luke groaned against his neck, “But you already knew I think that.” The sentence was punctuated by another drive of his hips that sent Allius’ back bowing away from him.

Allius cried out again, the noise desperate and closer to a shriek than a moan. His walls clenched around Luke’s cock. “Do that again, puppy.”

Luke obliged happily, grinding his hips up into his lover, trying to hit that spot again and again. Allius let his head drop back against Luke’s chest, long past trying to hide his sounds of pleasure. He kept stroking his cock but the pace was stuttering and unsteady because of Luke’s vicious thrusts. His walls were fluttering in pleasure, and Luke could feel his knot start to swell. It caught on Allius’ rim with every movement. He made to pull out, but Allius moved his strong tail to encircle Luke’s waist, keeping him from moving back any further. He was panting hard, back sweaty and sticking to the werewolf’s hairy chest. “Fucking knot me, dumbass!”

Now this was new territory. Luke had never knotted Allius during his cycle, always pulling out and cumming outside, or knotting one of his toys. His brain was too cloudy to question this change, though, and immediately thrust all the way back inside. He rolled his hips into Allius, trying to make the most of his limited mobility. Luke knocked aside the hand that Allius was still jerking off with and replaced it with one of his own. His hand was larger and rougher than Allius’ own, and in moments the demon was cumming. Pearly liquid, the same pinkish colour as his slick, shot out, hitting himself in the chin, dripping down his chest and over Luke’s fingers. The way his hole clenched around his cock sent Luke over the edge. After a few more harsh thrusts he sank in to the hilt, and held Allius tight against him as he spilled inside. They collapsed, still locked together by Luke’s knot.

Allius looked thoroughly wrecked. He was covered in cum and that demonic golden blood, his whole body damp with sweat, with slick still leaking down his inner thighs and saliva dripping from his open mouth. He had claw and bite marks all over him, and the possessive side of Luke was already beginning to lament them healing smooth. “Fuck, that was so good,” Allius breathed out, craning his neck painfully in order to kiss Luke’s chest.

“You’re telling me,” Luke replied. He knocked his nose into Allius’ hair, running his fingers through to cum streaking the demon’s torso. “I don’t know if either of us can keep that up for the next five goddamn days.”

“Speak for yourself, puppy. I’m going to expect this every time you fuck me again. I’ll probably never have to feed again”

Groaning, Luke laved his tongue over one of the big bite marks one Allius’ shoulder. They kissed lazily, almost sleepily, with Luke straying away from Allius’ mouth to lick up the cum that had caught on his chin. Allius dropped his head to the floor after a few minutes, watching with half-lidded eyes as Luke continued dragging his fingers through the cum on his torso, licking the sweet-salty seed from his hands.

“Luke, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” Luke rolled his hips into Allius once, both of them shivering with overstimulation. “It’s not like I can run away.”

Allius laughed once, breathless and joyful. He reached up to trace Luke’s hairline with soft fingers. “I…” He breathed in and out, clearly in an effort to centre himself. “I want to be your mate. Properly. If you’ll have me.”

Luke sat bolt upright as best he could while still being locked inside Allius. “You want to...pardon?”

“I know that it’s a big thing, and you’ll have to claim me as a human because if I’m in my true form the bite won’t hold. Also, I don’t know whether I would bite you too, or if we would form a pact, or…”

He was cut off by Luke locking his muscular arms around him in a bone-cracking hug. “Yes. Yes, of course I want to be your mate!” He attacked every available inch of Allius’ skin with kisses and nips. “Is that why you wanted me to knot you this time?” He asked after burying his nose into the velvet-soft skin behind Allius’ ear.

Allius nodded, wriggling further back into Luke’s warm arms. His tail wound affectionately around Luke’s ankle. “I don’t know why I’ve been avoiding it for so long. It’s not like I can get pregnant, and it feels so good. I feel so full.”

Luke groaned at the sound of that, gently headbutting Allius. “Don’t say that. I already want to fill you with my cum so bad, now I’m never going to want to stop fucking you.” He bit the demon’s ear with sharp teeth, hips bucking slightly. “And I know for a fact that I’m not willing to never let you top me again.”

“Ooh, so romantic,” Allius chuckled, “But no matter how nice that sounds, I want to go to sleep now. I’m tired.”

Luke nodded into the incubus’ nape, tucking them closer together and drifting off, surrounded by each other’s warmth.

[akingdomofswordsandstories]

Tired

azriel (acotar) x reader

warnings: mentions of blood, depression

word count: 1809

Sunlight filtered through the curtains of your room and the sound of birds humming filled the room. Groggily, you opened your eyes, surveying the scene. The left side of your bed was cold and empty. Azriel must have had to head up to Windhaven earlier this morning.

Glancing to the window, you saw it was half way open. Azriel’s small gestures never failed to make you smile. He knew you loved the smell of the breeze and the fresh air. It was refreshing. A moment of peace.But recently, it got harder and harder to smile. You put on a front to alleviate suspicion. The last thing you wanted was the inner circle being worried about your problems while they were dealing with other threats.

Swinging your legs over the bed, you felt the cool breeze against them. You made your way to the bathroom, getting ready for the day. You splashed cold water onto your face to try and wake yourself up. You looked in the mirror and saw a stranger staring back. Your disgust and hatred surfaced as your grip tightened on the edge of the bathroom counter. Why were you feeling this way? You wished you could go back to normal, to the happy carefree person you were months ago. That person was nowhere to be seen and you were stuck like this, stuck in your head and your thoughts.

Azriel must have sensed something was bothering you because he brushed your mind through the bond, sending a questioning thought . You quickly played it off sending your false happiness down the bond. When you usually had your thoughts, you made sure to cut the bond off, but not for too long because Azriel would get worried otherwise.

You kept these thoughts to yourself and didn’t let anyone see them. You felt guilty for feeling like this. You should be happy, not sad. You shouldn’t loathe yourself, you had people who loved you. But your self doubt and hatred never left you alone and you didn’t want to share this burden with Az, who has already been through so much. So you kept it bottled up and to yourself, only ever letting them surface in the dark when there was nobody but you and your demons.

The swift knock on your door pulled you out of your thoughts. You shoved the feelings down and plastered on a smile.

“Come in! The door is unlocked”

“Hey y/n! I just wanted to let you know that Rhys and Feyre planned a dinner party at the House of Wind tonight!” Mor said

“Oh? That sounds quite last minute” you chuckled

“Yeah, something about diplomacy and putting on a strong front? I wasn’t paying too much attention. Anyway, I need a new dress for the occasion and was wondering if you wanted to come with me to the Rainbow later?”

“That sounds so lovely, but I have to run a few errands,” you lied. Your energy had seemed to have left you and you were barely keeping your front up. “You’re gonna look gorgeous in whichever dress you get” you quickly added, giving her a tight lipped smile.

Mor could sense that you weren’t yourself. “Are you feeling ok y/n? You sound a bit- off?”

“Oh yeah of course! I’m just a bit tired. I think I’m going to head down and grab a cup of coffee. You know I love my coffee.” you gave her a slight chuckle.

“Well, if you’re heading down, I’ll just come with you. I need to head out and pick up a few more things for the party anyway.”

You gave her another smile, closing the door to your room as you followed her down the stairs

---------------------------------

Today was one of your bad days. Nothing you did could get your mind off the thoughts that haunted you. Normally, you were able to distract yourself, at least for a few hours, but today you could not evade them. They were the predator and you were their prey.

The inner circle was still in Windhaven. They were probably dealing with Devlon’s excuses as to why the females weren’t training. You knew they would be getting back soon though, since the party was soon.

Making your way back into the kitchen, you pulled out a kettle and filled it with water. Putting it on the stove and letting it boil, you grabbed a tall mug and some of your favorite tea powder. The kettle whistled and you poured the water into your mug. The first sip was comforting, the warmth spreading through your body. You closed your eyes and sighed, basking in the few moments of peace you had.

The wind whistled and you heard a series of thumps on the balcony. Opening your eyes, you saw that Azriel and the others had returned. Anger was painted over his face, but it vanished as soon as he saw you. He made his way over to you, giving you a quick peck on the lips. You breathed in his scent, the wind and the pine giving you a sense of comfort.

“So how did your check up with Devlon go?” you asked

Cassian let out a loud huff before anyone could respond

“Not well, I take it?”

“He keeps giving more chores to the females to keep them out of the training ring. I wanted to break his hand right there.” Azriel answered

“Oh Az, don’t worry, next time Devlon pulls shit like that, I give you and Cassian free reign to do whatever you want with him.” Rhys grinned out

“Oh mother I like the sound of that. God knows he needs to be put in his place.” Cassian sighed

“Devlon aside, are you guys ready for the party?” Feyre asked

“Fuck yeah, I’m in desperate need of booze” Cassian yelled out, causing all of you to laugh

“It sounds like fun, but I haven’t been feeling too well, so I think i’ll just stay home tonight.” you murmured

Azriel immediately put his attention on you. “Are you ok love? Do I need to call Madja?”.

“No no, don’t worry about me, I think I just need a little rest. You go to the party and have fun though. For me.” You knew that was the only way you would get him to go.

He opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off.

“Az, darling, i’ll be fine”

He relented. “Fine. But if I sense anything is off, I’m coming home immediately.”

---------------------------------

The other left to the House of Wind and you were finally left alone again. You wrapped yourself up in a blanket and lied down on your bed, drifting off.

A few hours later you woke up. Groaning, you made your way over to the bathroom. Gripping the counter, you stared at yourself in the mirror. You felt angry and disgusted. Your hand curled into a fist and before you could process what you were doing, the mirror shattered. You could feel the cuts on your hand, but the pain was the last thing on your mind.

Dropping your front, your thoughts and feelings flooded back into you. You felt the numbness washing over you as your feelings hounded you, ripping into you. You were so tired. You didn’t want to feel like this anymore. Why did you deserve anything?

Your self deprecating thoughts kept slamming into you.

You weren’t pretty enough. Azriel deserved better. He was only with you out of pity. He didn’t really love you. How could he ever love someone like you.

Finally the dam broke and your tears started flowing. Backing up to the wall, you slowly slid down, hugging your body, your sobs never ending.

---------------------------------

What you hadn’t realized was for a split second, your hold on the bond had faltered, and all your emotions and pain had slammed into Azriel. He almost lost his footing, clutching his heart and holding onto Cassian to keep him from falling over.

“Az? Azriel, what's wrong?” Cassian shouted

“I-, I need to go home. Don’t worry, I’m fine. I just need to check on y/n.”

Cassian didn’t have time to say anything else before Azriel disappeared into the shadows.

---------------------------------

“Y/n? Y/n! Darling, where are you?” Azriel shouted as he got home

Rushing into your shared room, he heard your sobs and made his way to the bathroom. His heart clenched when he saw you. He immediately crouched down next to you, gently picking up your body and leaning it against his.

“A- Az?” You hiccuped out, tears blurring your vision “Wha- What are you doing here? I thought I closed the bond”. Another sob left your body.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered into your hair, afraid you might break if his voice was any louder. “I could’ve helped you through this.”. One of his hands was wrapped around your bloodied one and the other one was gently rubbing your back.

“Why?” You spoke so softly that Azriel thought he imagined it.

“You deserve-” You took a deep breath to try and slow your tears, “You deserve so much more than me. Someone better than me. I’m nothing- I’m worthless. I’m not pretty enough or graceful enough. You should be with someone like Elain or Gwyn. Someone who is worthy of you. Someone who deserves your love”.

“That’s not your choice to make darling. I get to choose who I love, and I love you”

“I’m not worthy of your love” you whispered. “You shouldn’t be with someone like me. You shouldn’t have to deal with all my problems and insecurities. You should be with someone who doesn’t hate everything about themselves. You already deal with so much, you shouldn’t have this burden on you too.”. Tears burned the back of your throat.

“I’m no stranger to self-deprecation” Azriel laughed soundlessly “You’ve helped me through so many low points, it’s only fair i help you through yours. It’s what mates do. It what i’ll do, because I love you.”

“You shouldn’t” you cracked out

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” he whispered into your hair, pulling you closer to his chest. “Don’t shut me out. Please.”

At the sound of those words, you opened the bond and let Azriel see everything. You bore your soul to him and laid everything bare. You sobbed harder into his chest as he held you, sitting in the silence.

After you started feeling a bit better, Azriel lifted you up and placed you on the counter so he could clean your hand and wrap it in gauze. He quickly got changed and led the two of you to your bed.

“Did- Did you mean it?” you whispered out,

“Every word my love. Every single word.”

Pulling you close, he whispered sweet nothings till you drifted off.

[levisgirll]

Hi! Can you do a headcanon of Levi being jealous/posessive when someone tries to flirt with his crush?

𝐦𝐲 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

text: Hello anon! Thank you so much for the request🥺 Of course I can! and I hope you like what I wrote💞 (also I’m sorry this took some time! this week and last week was just so stressful ahhh) incoming some cute jelly levi boi, I also realized now we need more of this- ALSO will be using this fact stated by Isayama about levi getting jealous which is he wouldn’t get jealous over his lover because he would trust them, although if he were to be jealous he’d stay low about it then by time explode. in this case it would be his crush and not lover as requested! (incoming some real cute fluff and levi being a cutie who is a bit jealous <3)

synopsis: Levi Ackerman isn’t the one who would get easily affected by others, he wouldn’t care most of the time what people would do and say to him. But....he has a crush on y/n for the longest time now and it seems his feelings is growing too with time. He notices some scouts trying to tease and flirt with his crush, he starts to feel something about it and pushes the thought away, but the feeling is still present. One day, something happens and he can’t take it anymore and becomes a bit possessive and clingy towards y/n!

fluff, aot world, headcanon fanfic ♡ —

You let out a long sigh as you were heading back to the survey crops headquarters from your training. Today was a really busy and stressful day as you had to train a lot and also manage to keep up with everyone.

You joined not long ago and you still were trying to fit in, learn new skills from others, and kept on training to catch up with others. Many saw you as a really hard worker.

But, you recently been getting some help and advice from Captain Levi! The strongest solider that everyone talks about and with that, you both got close and Levi seemed to like your attitude, and would usually ask you for your opinion on things.

Everyone was quite shocked how Levi seem to show a little bit of interest in you and even spoke to you. Y/N was different, unique more like it and how they never gave up and still kept on going amazed Levi. He was a bit worried about you though cause you could be reckless, but he had your back always watching without you even noticing. Later then, he realized after sorting out this emotions and feelings he had....he actually had a crush on you instead!

It was a fact that Y/N was quite attractive and good looking, everyone had eyes on Y/N and Levi would sometimes be quite annoyed and pissed about how some guys who seemed to have bad intentions always trying to get a chance to talk to you and get you alone but Y/N would usually avoid them and leave the scene before it happens.

You were just such a likeable person though! Who wouldn't like you? and many tried to make a move on you but you made the scouts that you were hard to read. But instead for one guy.

A scout was keeping his eyes on you for a while, and with his friends telling him that 'he would never get a chance with y/n' made him take the bet and go for it.

"Hey there! I see you training hard? My name is Roy, nice to meet you" He said with a big smile and gave you a little wave while coming up to you. You were setting up your ODM gear and glance at him. "Oh, I see it's Y/N." You said normally, but you weren't going to lie, the guy did look kind of cute but you had a gut feeling something was up.

"Of course, you are the great Y/N everyone talks about." He said with a smirk, "You look so much prettier." You were taken aback by the comment and thanked him, it was not everyday you would hear this comment and someone saying that bluntly.

"Haha, you don't have to be shy! It's the truth so own it. Anyways, I'll see you later yeah? Bye!" He shouted out and ran back to his friends, and you stood there quite shy.

You did not notice that Levi was actually standing near the entrance of the headquarters and watched the whole thing. You could tell by his gaze towards Roy he was...glaring at him? "Tch." He scoffed and walked away from the training area, looking rather pissed but you managed to go over to him and caught up with Levi. There your bright energy opened up, and you gave Levi a bright big smile that you would only usually do for him. "Hi Captain Levi! How was your weekend? I haven't seen you for a while." Y/N said in a cheerful tone, they looked rather happy to see Levi and that made him relax and warmed his heart since his crush has always greeted him this way. "Hey Y/N, it was alright I guess. And Oi, didn't I tell you to just call me Levi? Drop the captain, don't wanna hear that from you." He said and crossing his arms and looking slightly away to hide his faint little blush on his cheeks.

He observed you for a while, and he realized that you were the only one who would talk to Levi like this and he was the only man you ever showed your cute and gentle side to! And the same goes to him, you were the only one who he showed his soft and nice side by his small actions and words. So, he felt really lucky and somehow was assured and felt trusted that you might not be interested in anyone else, and maybe....just maybe he had a chance!

"My bad, Levi" Y/N said after a small giggle which was one of his favorite sounds, hearing his crush laugh a little was one of the main things he wanted to achieve. "I'm going to do hand-to-hand combat training later. Could you perhaps train m-" Before Y/N was going to finish talking, Levi cut them off and said "Yea sure, don't ask me and just tell me what it is and I'll help you train."

Levi didn't notice, but he was becoming rather tender and considerate only to Y/N these days which not only shocked them but also made them happy. "Thanks Levi, you are the best! I'll see you later!" Y/N waved at Levi with a joyful expression and ran off. After that small interaction and chat, it seemed like all Levi's worries and stress was relieved and he gave a small smile. Not only that, but also another feeling he had earlier was gone, but he couldn't figure just what was that feeling from earlier?

Later on, training for hand to hand combat has started and you were there, ready and waiting for none other than Levi to show up. But, someone else showed up instead of him. "So we meet again, Y/N." You turned around and it was Roy, he looked rather excited and he was checking you up with a gaze that made you slightly uncomfortable. "Um...yea cause we still have training?" You gave him a confused look and raised your eyebrow at him 'Just what does this guy want...' you wondered.

"You aren't pair up with anyone, so let's train together!" He said cheerfully and was in his fighting stance, all ready without you even having the time to respond to his offer.

"W-Wait...I'm waiting for Levi to train me!" You finally said in a stuttering tone. "Levi? Ha....since when did you start calling him that? Anyways, I don't see him? So, train with me instead sweetheart." He gave you a flirtatious smile, and you sighed and brought out the wooden dagger which you took your stance and took charge at him. He somehow let you take the hit and you looked up at him "Wow, you are good!". He was not taking you seriously, and was playing around with you, teasing you more like it. While you were training with Roy, without any warning he made you trip and you fell on the ground which you felt your knee starting to hurt. "Oh no. Are you okay?" Roy said and bent down, to check your knee. You felt it was done on purpose just to get you off guard, and so he can get closer to you.

With your surprise, he brought his hand out and pushed your hair back and behind your ear and then touched your cheek which made your eyes wide "No one should be allowed to look that good. How do you do it?"

"Huh...what do you mean?" Y/N said, all confused and tried to get up but Roy's grip made you not get up so easily. "Say, tell me how are you still Single?"

Before you could respond, someone quickly grabbed Roy by his wrist and pulled him up quickly. "You....The fuck do you think you are doing?" It was....Levi! He gave a death glare to Roy who now seemed to have been displeased. "I'm helping them up...What do you think you are doing holding me like this?"

"Did I ask you a question? It a command, answer it. What. Were. you trying to do." Levi said now in a very serious tone that gave off a scary vibe and everyone had stopped their training and were all frightened. Levi was not dumb, he clearly knew what Roy was up to, seductively flirting with you which he ignored before he knew you would not respond to it but.... he then purposely made you trip which he noticed and was not able to hold it in any longer.

"Do you want me to fucking break your leg to answer me?" Levi was being impatient and without any hesitation and not giving Roy any time to respond, he knee kicked him right up his chin and that made him fall down on his knees and covered his nose which was now bleeding. "You little shit, and you dare even question me after disrespecting Y/N? You have a death wish for sure."

Levi was about to kick him when Y/N quickly held on his arm and pulled Levi a bit back, holding on to his arm. "Stop! That's enough Levi. Don't bother with him, I'm fine now!" Y/N said, trying to calm Levi down and reassure him.

He stayed silent, and looked back at Roy, deciding on what to do. "Hm...Alright. I'm only stopping cause of Y/N." Levi took Y/N's hand which shocked everyone in the training area, including Roy and Levi turned around while saying in a cold tone. "Roy, you have cleaning duty for all the toilets at the HQ for a month and it better be fucking clean or I will make you redo it. You are nothing but a piece of trash so be useful and clean them."

Levi still, holding your hand tightly, pulled you and you both were walking away from the training area, away from everyone else. Y/N was blushing now and was looking at Levi's back head where they clearly saw his neat underhair cut. 'Levi why did he do this....' You wondered and Levi then stopped walking when you both reached near the stable. "Are you...hurt?" He said, turning around to look at you with a slight worried expression. "N-No, and thanks for back there." Y/N said, blushing even harder and looked down. "But, why..." They finally said looking directly at his grey eyes which soften, this was a question that kept killing Y/N's curiosity.

He stayed quiet, and looked away from your gaze. He seemed to refuse to respond. 'Wait....don't tell me!' Y/N then jolted their head up which caught Levi by surprise (worried if they noticed-) and they immediately said in a hyper tone.

Y/N: "Oh Levi....were you-"

Levi: "No."

Y/N: "You sure? Cause I swear you-"

"Shut it. I was just being annoyed by him, alright?" He would say and ruffle your hair gently. He wanted to hold you, hug you. You were just too adorable to him! But he knew he couldn't do any of that.

"Weird...I don't recall saying anything about that. But you just proved to me you were actually jealous!" Y/N said, and let out a happy and cheerful laugh. He would not admit it, but he felt embarrassed right now.

"Tch, brat are you gonna actually keep saying it now?" He said with a slight blush and turned around, "Well...Not till you be honest with yourself." Y/N told Levi in a shy tone, and still with a smile that was too big it hurted their cheeks, they were just too happy to see Levi like this!

You weren't going to lie, but seeing Levi jealous really made you feel something and so did he!

He took your hand gently and caressed your hand with his thumb. "If you want to know....come to my office?" Levi, was now a blushing mess, he was being nervous but he knew that at some point he had to let his feeling out because it was not an easy one to handle despite him being emotional he was able to control that but this was a special case and today proved that to him. He had to let you know.

You both went to Levi's office, and he pulled you closer and looked at your eyes which was filled with lust and love just for you "Please....Could I?" Levi said softly which had a little bit of nervous and tense tone. You then realized and confirmed, you both did actually shared the same feelings and behind closed doors while the evening was approaching you both slowly started to kiss each other even though you both were new to this sort of thing you took it slowly, and kept trying it again and again, till you both got the hang of it. Levi did that just to show that he wanted to make you his starting tonight and not having anyone else flirt with you anymore and that that he was capable of being romantic to u too! You never saw him this clingy, it was super cute.

With your reassurance and talk with Levi, your words would comfort him and calm him down and he then started to trust you even more which he was since the beginning but now that he got your approval he never felt such a lucky man.

Now, no scout with bad intentions ever dared to come up to you and Levi does not take it lightly next time if he even sees someone checking you up, or making you uncomfortable. With this, he promised to protect you from any harm and swore to that, he wanted to be your protector.

So poor them who ever tried to flirt with you and poor Roy stuck with a broken nose and having cleaning toilets duty!

But thanks to Roy, Levi finally was able to explain and show/say his true feelings to Y/N and now he can keep Y/N close to him only and cherish and protect them without any hesitation. He truly did value and care for Y/N.

This was actually so fun to write up ahhh and I find Levi acting sort of like this when he explodes at the person trying to flirt with his crush and the one responsible making him jealous! (I don’t think he would explode or lash out on his crush/lover, he is too mature for a situation where someone flirts with them, he would lash out on whoever is hitting on them instead of his lover ofc) I hope you enjoyed this anon and sorry this was late but hope you enjoyed it and if you did or anyone else please leave a like or a reblog!🥺 ♡♡♡

[gyllenhaalstories]

YOU WON���T PLAY, YOU’RE NO FUN — PROF!CHRIS

summary: chris evans is your professor with whom you’ve had an affair with since the beginning of the semester. you meet with him over zoom with your fellow teammates to discuss your project, but you can’t seem to get into the right mindset. instead of providing the group with clever comments and ideas, all you do is test the limits of chris’ patience and self control.

warnings: don’t have sex with your prof please, mentions of online classes, smut including: established dom/sub relationship & teacher/student relationship (abuse of power used strictly as a joke, they are both 18+ and consensual), degradation, masturbation & mutual masturbation, edging. MINORS DON’T READ NOR INTERACT.

word count: 1500

notes: rail me daddy :) i’m a hoe for teacher/student if you can’t tell already. i do keep it vague by not mentioning any majors, don’t worry! it’s my first time writing for chris, so please, be kind!!! i hope you enjoy reading this mess!!!! ily <3

gif credits: capsgrantrogers blessing us with this low quality webcam goodness.

“Miss /Y/L/N, would you mind staying a little longer? I need to talk to you.” Chris’ voice resonated as your classmates went quiet before they waved their cameras goodbye and left the two of you alone.

Uh oh.

“Sure, what do you want to talk about?” By the time you were done with your question, you noticed that his face was frozen. “Mister Evans! Chris?! I think there’s an issue I can’t — hear you.” You sighed and rolled your eyes. You seriously needed to get that Internet connection checked. You had your hand on your laptop, ready to close it up when you heard the familiar noise of a video call, but this time it was a private conversation.

“Don’t want anybody to walk in on us, right?” Chris winked and smirked at you. You had a flashback of that one time you hooked up in his office and realized his door was left ajar when you could hear the secretary of the department arguing with the printer. You thanked your guardian angel (who must had been very disappointed) that you were just on your knees blowing him off, and that nothing too serious was going on.

You laughed, for a second you thought you were in trouble.

“What was that all about?” Chris questioned, his smirk disappeared and was replaced by a dark expression.

“I have no clue what you’re referring too.” You shrugged lightly and looked at the screen, wishing he had chosen another shirt that showcased his tattoos. You were lucky enough to see his arms from the short sleeves, you felt as aroused as royal men back in the day when they saw a woman’s ankles.

Chris clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Oh, really? There is no explanation to the attitude you’ve been giving your teammates and me all morning?”

You sighed again, loud enough for him to hear you. “They’re idiots and I’m sick of their shit. They’re not doing anything on the project yet they show off in front of you just to   —“

“Got it, they’re dumb and you’re smart.” He put the emphasis on the last few words. “Tell me, Miss, if you’re that smart, how come you’ve made the very stupid decision to be rude to me as well?”

You swallowed thickly. You were just so pissed off, exhausted from the all nighter you had to do in order to complete the requirements for today’s class. “Chris, look, you know it wasn’t about you...” You heard him cough. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

“I’d call you a good girl, but good girls don’t talk back and they certainly don’t act so bratty. What a potty mouth, you swore in front of everybody. Do I have to teach you manners too? I’m afraid that’s not listed on my tasks as your professor, too bad.”

“I said I was sorry! You know how much I hate them!”

“Do I have to give you a bad grade for not cooperating? Not everybody is as understanding as me, you need to learn that.”

He sounded so arrogant, so condescending. As much as you hated it, it turned you on. You were all squirmy on your chair, and he caught up on that.

“Tell me, what’s on your mind, princess? Why are you on the edge?”

You looked up through your lashes, letting out a complaint. That fucker. The last time you met, which was over a week ago, he had an emergency and had to leave his apartment to go on campus. How convenient, you had not finished and you were left breathless and worked up on his bed. He made you promise not to touch yourself without permission on his way out. He knew just how impatient you could get. All the needy texts you sent him while he was looking over his other classes during an exam; all the begging you did over the phone while he insisted on doing small talk.

“You won’t play with me,” you pouted at the screen. “You’re no fun.”

He chuckled, his voice sounded lower than usual while he sat up on his chair. He loved this game with you, probably as much as you did if not more.

You noticed his arm disappeared out of the frame. You’d do ten other team works with your stupid colleagues if it meant you’d be the one to take care of his hard on at that very moment.

“Oh, baby wanna have fun? Is that it? You should have told me sooner!” He cleared his throat when he heard you sigh again, giving you a warning. “Get those fingers nice and wet for me.”

You obeyed, sucking on two fingers of your dominant hand. You picked up on the back and forth movements of his arm, he was palming at his crotch. You caught a glimpse of him standing up   — he was in tight Calvin Klein boxers   —  and sitting back down, his cock freed from his clothes. “I’ve been good, Sir. So good.”

He nodded slowly, after spitting in his hand and starting to fist his cock. “Oh, really?”

You nodded frantically. “I haven’t touched myself since you left,” you pulled your hand away from your mouth, a string of saliva fell down your chin. “I’ve been so wet for you, Sir. You’re all I’ve been thinking about.”

“Then think about my fingers rubbing your clit.” He groaned, the speed of his arm motions increased.

You jerked on your chair at the contact of your fingers, your panties were soaked from your arousal. “Sir!” You moaned out when you circled faster against the bundle of nerves.

“You’re so fucked up for me, you’d rather cum on your fingers than on my face, huh?” You felt tears pooling in your eyes. “Stop touching yourself and answer me.”

You pulled your hand away, showing it to the camera so he believed you. “I want to cum so bad, Sir! Please, just once! And I’ll wait until we meet again. I need it!”

“And I need to fuck that tight little cunt of yours and you don’t hear me complainin’.” His bicep flexed in his tight shirt, his breathing got heavier. “I waited for you the entire week. I didn’t text you in the middle of the night begging like a desperate slut.” He nodded, indicating you could start rubbing again.

You moaned loudly, throwing your head back. He was edging you, again.

“Eyes on me, Baby. Need to see you.”

It took so much energy just to keep your eyes open.

“Faster.” He growled, he was so close too. You could feel it, even if he was far away.

“Sir, please!”

“Stop, stop right fucking now.” He pulled away from his swollen cock at the same time as you did. “I won’t tolerate attitude like this again, you heard me?” You nodded, mouthed a ‘yes’. “I don’t want to repeat myself. You’re such a dumb little baby sometimes, I’ll probably have to.” The more he mocked you, the more you needed to touch yourself again. “Next time you act like a bitch in my class, you’ll regret it.” You never took his threats lightly. The first, and last, time that you did, you ended up bent over his knee with the belt of his dress pants spanking your ass red like the ink from the pen he used to grade papers

“I’ll count to ten. At ten, you’ll...”

“I’ll cum!” You spoke excitedly.

“Yes, Babygirl. You’ll get to cum.” He licked his lips and stroked his beard, his hand holding his sensitive cock. “Ready?”

You replied with even more enthusiasm and he started to count up.

“Slowly, 1, 2, 3...” He swallowed thickly. “Add more pressure now, 4, 5, 6,” he tightened his grip around his cock. “Faster, 7, 8, 9...” he jerked himself up at the same speed as you. “Now, cum for me. Make a mess like you’d do on my cock. That’s right, cum for me, Princess.”

The knot in your stomach finally snapped and you released yourself on your hand. You were panting and clenching around nothing, wishing you were with Chris right now.

He growled loudly as he released himself on his hand and shirt. “Look what you did to me, Baby.” He sat up just enough to show you, causing you to laugh at the sight of his messed up top.

In exchange, you showed him your slick coated fingers before you licked them clean. Blood rushed to his cock again, but he took a deep breath to calm down. “All good now?”

“Yes! Thank you, Sir.” You smiled, content and satisfied.

He wiped his hand clean with his shirt, after he removed it and let you admire his broad chest and inked drawings. “I’m giving you extra homework.”

Your smile disappeared and you squinted, mentally preparing for more readings or an extra essay on how good he fucked you. It would be your third or fourth, you ran out of synonyms to explain that he made you feel like you were on cloud nine.

“Take a shower and a nap, I’ll get to this meeting and meet you back home, okay?”

Your face lit up again, and you clapped happily.

“See? I can be fun when I want to.”

[tommysparker]

Never Forget You [Chapter 1]

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Jedi!Reader

A/N: here’s the first official chapter! thank you so much for the support this series as already gotten. chapters will be posted every Saturday! enjoy :)

Warnings: angst. fluffy flashbacks. this isn’t even the worst of it mwhaha. paragraphed italics = flashback

                                            [10 YEARS LATER] 

The sky was as blue as his eyes. Not as dark and cloudy, but gave the same feeling of hope, peacefulness, and comfort. You could picture them vividly in your mind, even the small crinkle at the edges and the kindness they held, a warmness that matched your current aurora.  

The two of you sat in the gardens for what felt like hours, deep in meditation. Your force signatures quickly became entangled with one another, your bond radiating around you, creating almost a shield bubble between the rest of the world and the two who sat inside. 

Obi-Wan was the first to open his eyes, having never been one to sit still for long periods of time. He’s improved since he was a youngling, but still had a long way to go. 

You, on the other hand, looked completely invested in your meditation. Your face was relaxed, although every now and then your eyebrows would furrow as you tried to maintain concentration. It was hard when a certain other was very distracting, even if he wasn’t aware of it. 

“I can feel you staring,” you said, eyes still closed. Obi-Wan was thankful for that fact because it means you wouldn’t see him blush in embarrassment from getting caught. 

“I can feel you blushing, too.” This time, you opened your eyes and smiled. “I knew you wouldn’t last long.” Anytime the two of you tried to meditate together, it would always end with Obi-Wan getting bored and asking to duel instead. 

He quickly hid his face, pulling the hood of his robe over his head. “I’m not blushing, that’s childish.” 

You giggled, leaning forward to lift the front of his hood. “Obi-Wan, you are the most childish person I know.” 

The young man was about to protest before you hushed, eyes already closed once more as you returned to your deep state of awareness. 

You opened your eyes and sighed, long and deep. 

Standing up from the cold floor of your room, you looked out the window and gazed at the cloudy sky of Gyfill. The air felt chilly from the lack of life-forms in the area. After your first week on the planet, you decided it was a safer idea to seek shelter away from town. Considering your mission was to spy on the local Separatist groups, keeping a low profile was essential. 

Today was different, however. The same cold and dull atmosphere were present, but the future is what held the divergent. For today, was the day you were finally to return home. 

Home. The word itself felt familiar but distant. As a Jedi, you trained to hold little sentimental value. Attachments were forbidden, a path to the dark side. They provoked fear. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. 

Once your bag of belongings was packed, you made your way to the marked location someone from the Jedi council sent earlier that morning. Mentally, you were not prepared to see everyone again. After being isolated for years and having limited contact with any life form outside of business, the many faces from your time at the Temple became slightly blurry. Except for his. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi was on his way to the Archives when he bumped into Ahsoka Tano. 

“Oh, Master Kenobi! Perfect, I was about to go look for you.” 

“Ahsoka,” he smiled. “What can I do for you?” 

“Who’s Y/n Y/l/n?” 

Obi-Wan froze. The sound of that name echoed in his mind, paired with memories that he had locked away in the back of his mind. “Well...that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time,” was all he could manage to say, still trying to process all the past recollections that suddenly surfaced. 

“So, you know them?” 

“Uh, yes I suppose so. We were...close as younglings and trained together as Padawans. They were...the most skilled Jedi I ever had the pleasure of knowing, almost as good as Master Yoda.” 

“If they’re so great, how come I never heard of them before?” Ahsoka tilted her head and raised an eyebrow, resting a hand on her hip in classic ‘Ashoka manner’, 

“They were sent away on an important mission years ago as far as I know. Er, why do you ask? And how did you come to know of that name?” 

“Oh right. Anakin said the Chancellor told him that Master Y/l/n was returning today. He told me to ask you about it.” 

Once again, Obi-Wan’s world paused. 

He stood across from you, trying to maintain a neutral expression as he watched you load your bags onto the ship. However, you knew him better than that. 

You walked up to the young boy and he took in your appearance. Gone was the braid that draped over your shoulder. Gone were the long robes you liked to hide in, in their place was a heavy jacket that looked like it was built to keep out the cold. Perhaps you were going to Hoth? 

“Obi, you know I can’t tell you where I’m going. Master Windu was strict about his instructions,” You sighed, sensing your friend trying to deduce as much as he could. Your Master was very clear when he told you how classified the mission was. No one can know, especially Obi-Wan. 

“Can you at least say how long you’ll be gone?” He practically begged, wanting something, anything he could get to keep his hope alive. Hope that you'll return soon. Hope that you weren’t truly leaving him. 

You looked away, staring at the towers and passing hover-vehicles that littered the planet you’ve grown up on. “I don’t know.” 

Everything had happened so suddenly. You were called into the council room that day to hear the news every Padawan dreams of. When Master Windu said you were ready for the trials, the first thing you went to do was tell Obi-Wan. The two of you celebrated that night in the gardens, a moment you would treasure for the rest of your life. Soon after you gained the title of Jedi Knight, you were once again called into the Jedi Council room to be debriefed on your first mission as a proper Jedi. You didn’t want to mess this up. You couldn’t. 

Obi-Wan resists the urge to pull you into a hug and never let you go, instead opting to hold your shoulders and give you his signature charming smile. “Be safe, darling.” 

You smiled, but it didn’t reach your eyes. You held his wrist, bringing his knuckles to your lips and pressed a hesitant kiss to them before pushing them to his side. “May the force be with you.” 

There was no pet name at the end, no ‘my friend’ or even his own name. It was a sentence that was meant to bring comfort, but the way you phrased it, the edge in your voice, made Obi-Wan feel everything but comforted. 

He didn’t get the luxury of responding, for all he did was blink and suddenly you were on the ship, taking off into the clear blue sky. 

You gazed at the clouds passing by as the ship flew into Coruscant’s atmosphere. The bright light and sunny day was a harsh change from the grey sky that fell over Gyfill. The energy emitting off of all the life-forms gave you a headache. You felt the Force all around you, swirling in the air and penetrating your soul. It was like a breath of fresh air after drowning for over a decade. 

You flinched at the light as the door opened, suddenly feeling like a hermit crawling out of its shell. Slowly walking out of the ship, you pulled the cloak hood over your head, inhaling the strange but familiar scent of the Jedi Temple. You were still wearing your Gyfill civilian attire, the wool fabric made the Coruscant heat much more intense causing a few beads of sweat to form on your forehead. Or was it just the nerves of seeing all the people you left behind? 

Master Windu stood at the end of the drop door, a smile on his face at the sight of his former Padawan. It was an occasion that called for a little joy, a moment to celebrate outside the war that raged through the galaxy. 

You descended down the ramp, taking in a sharp breath at the feeling of another force sensitive. “Master Windu”. You bowed your head and he did the same to you. 

“Master Y/l/n, it’s great to see you in person rather than as a hologram.” 

You both chuckled lightly. “The feeling is mutual, Master. It’s...it’s good to be back.” Your eyes wandered over the people that roamed about. Jedi Masters walked with their Padawans at their side. Distant memories resonated within you. Some time ago that was once you and your Master, the man who stands before you know who has grown significantly older. Then again, so have I, you thought to yourself. 

Unbeknownst to you, you weren’t the only one registering your growth. Obi-Wan stood behind a pillar, glancing over the hanger in search of a familiar face. He was aware it would not be the same face he knew as a young boy, but he certainly was not prepared for what he saw. 

You look older, which was the obvious and expected observation. He noted how you wrapped yourself in your cloak, similar to how you would in your youth. You stood tall in front of Master Windu, another trait you had kept since your days as a Padawan. He remembered how you would always act mature in the presence of Masters, something he never really understood until becoming a Jedi Knight. The need for approval by the superiors was a constant.

It wasn’t just your appearance that had changed either. He could feel it in the Force. There was a shift in it when you had landed that made an excited yet nervous chill run down his spine. You were stronger and held more control in your signature. 

Before, he remembers being able to feel it from across the Temple. Now, it was barely there. He remembers feeling your bond drift farther as he watched you leave, and how it had dimmed over the years you were gone. He remembers the pain that tortured him every night as he laid awake in bed, trying to reach out across the stars but only being met with the vast emptiness of space. There was something in him that broke the first time he slept without having a tendril of your force signature connected with his. He felt cold, resorting to sleeping in his Master’s quarters in an attempt to ease the loneliness. 

Overall, it would appear that nothing about you had changed, and yet it seemed everything was different. Almost everything. 

His eyes were just as blue as the last time you saw them. They looked tired, haunted by the ongoing war but still filled with determination. Classic Obi-Wan. 

You quickly broke eye contact the moment it was made, but that one second was more than enough for Obi-Wan to get lost in the familiar colour. His favourite colour in fact, not that he would ever admit you had any part in the decision. 

“Master Obi-Wan?” 

He jumped at the sound of a voice and suddenly became aware of the presence right next to him, that presence belonging to none other than Master Yoda. 

“Master Yoda! I er I was just...uh...looking...for Anakin! Yes, uh have you seen him around by any chance?” Obi-Wan quickly tried to cover his stutter, feeling embarrassed about getting caught gazing from afar. Not that Master Yoda would know he was looking at you...right?

“I see,” the little green creature smirked in amusement. “Whatever it is, wait it can. Council meeting about to begin there is.” 

Obi-Wan furrowed his eyes. Typically he was able to keep a good track of the meetings, but this was news to him. “What’s it about?” 

“Master Y/l/n.”  

“Hmm?” You hummed absentmindedly.  

“Are you listening?” Master Windu raised an eyebrow.

“Oh uh, my apologies Master. I’m just...readjusting.” You tried to focus your attention on what Master Windu was saying, but the recognition of his presence made it difficult. For years, you tried to forget about him. You ignored the empty feeling in your stomach at night, the thoughts and memories that plagued your dreams. After some time, they eventually began to fade but never forgotten. It was for the best. 

Master Windu crossed his arms. “There will be plenty of time for that after your debrief of the mission. Master Yoda and the rest of the council await.”

Oh, Force, not the council. 

You would never dare to admit or even show it, but the council and being in the council room had always intimidated you. How could it not? You had to stand in the center of all the best Jedi of that era while they stare at you, judging you, sitting high and mighty in those stupid chairs.  

“This way, my old Padawan.” 

You followed Master Windu through the large halls of the Jedi Temple. You masked the nervousness that was no doubt radiating from your force signature. A multitude of thoughts ran through your mind, good and bad. Worst case scenario, you had done something so wrong that you were about to be kicked out of the Jedi Order. Nothing came to mind when you tried to think of any offence you had committed in the recent weeks since you earned the title of Jedi Knight. 

You were pulled out of your thoughts by the sound of the large council room doors opening, the creaking of the hinges made you cringe slightly.  

The room was ominously lit, the only light source being the setting sun shining through the glass windowed walls. Master Yoda sat in his seat. All the other chairs were empty. 

Master Windu took his seat as you stood before the two of them. He could see the questions rise from your confused facial expression. “Everything we discuss in this room stays between us, young Jedi.” 

You nodded, inhaling and exhaling slowly in an attempt to calm yourself. “Master Windu, Master Yoda. What is this about? Have I done something wrong?” 

The two men looked at each other and shared an unreadable expression before turning back to you. Master Yoda was the first to speak. “Sending you on a mission we are. To Gyfill you will go.” 

Whatever anxieties that you held before were washed away with this information. You contain your excitement, but the sudden mood shift was still noticeable. “Who am I going with? When do we leave? What’s the mission for?” It was rare that a Jedi would be sent on a mission alone, typically you were partnered up for safety measures. Obi-Wan’s face flashed in your mind, and although it was unlikely, a small part of you hoped he would be going with you. 

“This mission only requires one Jedi. There’s a Separaist organization on the planet and we’re sending you to gain intel and report back to us. No one outside of this room can be aware of this information. You leave within the week. Understood?” 

You frowned, “Forgive me Master, but why can’t anyone know?” The idea of having to leave your home seemingly without a trace made you iffy. Obi-Wan once again appeared in your mind. 

Master Windu and Yoda exchanged a look before Windu responded almost hesitantly. “We have reason to believe someone in the Order is a traitor, and the number of people who are trustworthy is very limited.” 

“You mean someone has betrayed us?” You asked in shock. How could anyone do such a thing? And a Jedi nonetheless. 

“Time to answer your questions, there will be, young one. Prepare for your first mission now, you must.” Master Yoda said. “Prepare to say goodbye you should.” 

It was as IF he could read your mind, which he probably could. You dreaded the idea of saying goodbye, especially when it was clear that there was no guarantee of your return date. How would you explain to your friends that you won’t be around anymore? What will Obi-Wan think? 

“That is another subject that needs to be discussed.” 

————————————————————————————

what else needs to be discussed? who’s the traitor? how will obi-wan and y/n get on after all this time? lemme know what you think!!

taglist: @queenariesofnarnia @dwarfplanet69 @katsukink @blondekel77 @generousrunawaydonut @fandomtrashwhore @fortheloveofaqueenfan @mrskenobi19 @mellowstatesmanhandsempath @hotleaf-juice

[homoose]

Love Has a Learning Curve: Part V (x reader)

Summary: Y/N meets Diana, and it goes better than she expected. Y/N meets the team, and it doesn’t go completely as planned. Spencer’s spidey senses are tingling. 

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: hurt/comfort, fluff

Word Count: 5k

Warnings/Includes: alcohol/drinking, reader gets drunk on accident and is incredibly insecure and self-deprecating, I think that’s it

a/n: Thank you all for your patience and kind words in this really sad and weird moment of my life. This couple brings me so much joy and I’m absolutely dreading the hurt that’s coming in the next part. Sorry in advance 😭 But also, you can re-read Lighthouse and First of Many before the angst!!!!!! If you haven’t read those fics, I recommend it because there are some relevant connections. ♥️

Series Masterlist

———

Y/N felt his hands sneaking around her waist, rubbing low over her tummy, and then the press of his warm body along her back. She tilted her head to make room for him to settle his chin on her shoulder, smiling as his hands completed their journey and wrapped her up tight.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” she answered, pressing their cheeks together.

“Are you almost done?”

“You made quite the mess, doctor.” It was the last weekend of Spencer’s sabbatical, and he had spent the afternoon cooking all of her favorite foods— a sort of preemptive gift for when he was back on the BAU’s unpredictable schedule. She’d taken on the responsibility of the dishes in return, which was no easy undertaking considering it seemed as though he’d used every single pot, pan, and utensil in her kitchen.

“If you’d let me help, you’d be done by now,” he complained, hugging her a little tighter and turning his head to drag his lips across her cheek.

“Let me just finish this pan, and then I’m all yours.”

He pressed a kiss to her cheek, then another to the spot behind her ear, and one more to her shoulder. Then he propped his chin once more and rubbed his thumbs where they rested against her sides.

She laughed a little as she ran the dish brush along the edges of the pan. “Comfy?”

He hummed his confirmation, and she could feel his smile as she lathered the inside of the pan, then rinsed it, and finally drained the sink. She dried her hands on the kitchen towel and turned to face him. He didn’t remove his hands, instead just let them glide over her hips and then settle on her lower back.

“Thank you for all of that.” She gestured vaguely in the direction of the fridge, packed full of leftovers. “My mom will be so honored to know you made her pot pie.”

“I could eat it every day for the rest of my life and be very, very happy.” He dropped his gaze and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. “Speaking of moms, I… I was wondering if you, um— if you’d want to meet my mom?”

Her eyes went a little wide, and he took her silence as an answer, continuing, “You don’t have to. It—it’s too soon.”

She brought a hand up to cup his chin between her fingers, bringing his eyes back to hers. “I would love to meet your mom.”

…

Spencer shut off the engine of the Volvo, turning in his seat to face her. She tried to settle her nerves without also spurring his own anxiety, which had been quite obviously flaring all morning.

“I’ll check in and visit for a few minutes, try to gauge what kind of a day it is, and then I’ll text you to come in or not.” He ran a hand over his face. “I really should have had you drive separate, because if it’s not a good day I don’t want you to have to wait around while I visit with her, but she’s been having a lot of good days recently, and—”

“Honey.” She found his hands where they were clutching a little aggressively at his leg and covered them with her own, running her thumbs soothingly along his skin. “It’s okay. Either way— whether I meet her today or we wait for a better day— it’s okay.”

He closed his eyes and breathed a relieved sigh. “Have I told you how much I love you yet today?”

“Mm, I don’t think you have,” she smiled.

He brought her hands up to his mouth, kissing the back of each. “I love you so much. The most.”

“I beg to differ.” She leaned over the console and kissed his nose. “I definitely love you the most.”

“Agree to disagree.” He shifted to meet her lips in a quick kiss. “I’ll text you in a few minutes?”

She gave him another kiss. “Sounds like a plan.”

Spencer dropped the keys into her hand and then climbed out of the car, closing the door and practically trotting toward the building. She would have laughed if it weren’t for the raging anxiety that was nearly suffocating her. She opened her door and put her legs out the side of the car, taking a deep breath and looking out over the parking lot.

Y/N knew that meeting Diana was a good thing. That Spencer wanted her to meet the most important woman in his life was a testament to their relationship. But the closer she got to it, the more she felt completely and totally out of place. What did she have to offer this woman’s remarkable son other than a mountain of student loan debt, an endless supply of expo markers, and an ever growing collection of toilet paper rolls?

She loved teaching kindergarten, and she was the first to defend the profession in most settings. But she was about to be in a room with two of the most brilliant minds on the planet, and she couldn’t help but wonder what she would possibly have to contribute. More than that, what would Diana Reid think of her son settling for someone so… ordinary?

Her phone buzzed with the incoming text message, and she bit back a sigh.

Spencer: It’s an incredible day. She’s already asking about you.

Y/N turned her face up to the clear blue sky, feeling the sun on her face and taking a deep breath. Then, she hoisted herself out of the vehicle, locking it and turning to walk toward the building. DC was hot and sticky this time of year, and she was grateful for the blast of air conditioning as she entered the facility.

The woman at the front desk— Suzanna, by her name tag— smiled kindly at her. “How can I help you?”

“I’m, um— I’m here to visit with Diana Reid.” Y/N began signing into the visitor’s log, smiling a little at Spencer’s hasty signature right above. “Her son is here, too— Spencer.”

“Ah, yes, you must be Y/N. Diana’s been so excited to meet you.” Suzanna chuckled lightly at her expression, and Y/N wondered just how much everyone already knew about her. “They’re just through there— in the sunroom.”

Y/N mumbled her thanks and turned in the direction of the sunroom, smoothing a nonexistent wrinkle from the skirt of her dress. She’d spent far too long getting ready this morning, including steaming the dress— a simple number with a black bodice and a skirt covered in books. It was her own personal nod to the incredible legacy that Diana had left— not only as a professor of classic literature, but also as the mother of the most incredible reader— and man— she’d ever met.

And now she had a moment of panic, wondering if maybe it was too on the nose, or if Diana would think it was silly and immature. She briefly considered turning and heading back out to the parking lot, but then Spencer appeared in the doorway to the sunroom, waving his thanks to Suzanna and then positively beaming at her . How could she deny him this?

He held out his hand to her, and she accepted it, instantly more at ease from the simple touch. He pulled her gently into the room, and there was Diana, perched on a floral sofa and looking quite elegant in a soft purple shawl.

She stood immediately, an absolutely radiant smile stretching across her face at the sight of them. Y/N watched as she clasped her hands in front of her and felt Spencer squeeze her hand at the same time.

“Y/N,” Diana smiled. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

Y/N returned her smile. “It is such an honor to finally meet you, Mrs. Reid.”

She scoffed and waved her hand. “Just Diana, please.” Y/N saw the moment she noticed the dress, her eyes crinkling a bit at the corners. “I can already tell you’re perfect for my son: the lover of books.” She motioned to the seating area. “Come, sit.”

The three of them sat, Spencer in the armchair just across from them as she and Diana sat on the sofa. Y/N folded her hands in her lap and tried to straighten her posture. Diana leaned back against the couch with a smile.

“I really have heard a lot about you,” she repeated, sliding her eyes over to a blushing Spencer. “Spencer tells me you teach kindergarten.” Y/N nodded, and Diana shook her head. “I deeply admire the patience and energy you must have for that age group.”

Y/N laughed a little. “They can certainly be a handful. I hear you were a teacher as well.” Her eyes went a little wide at her mistake. “A professor, I mean.”

“Oh, yes, yes— 15th century literature.” Diana tilted her head, considering Y/N with a knowing gaze. “But teaching is teaching, no matter the age. And where would any of us be without our kindergarten teachers? The ones who teach us the very foundations of learning. Who not only teach us to read and write, but also to inquire and investigate and discover.”

Y/N felt unexpected tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, and she had to take a moment to breathe before speaking. “Thank you for saying that. Sometimes people assume that kindergarten is all play doh and finger paint.”

“What’s that saying about making assumptions?” Diana pondered.

“Issac Asimov said, ‘Assumptions are our windows on the world,’” Spencer offered.

“Mm, thank you for that, honey, but the one I’m thinking of is from an episode of The Odd Couple , I believe,” Diana corrected, winking at Y/N. “When you assume, you make an ass of you and me.”

“Ah.” Spencer held back a laugh, and Y/N’s heart felt just a little bit lighter.

Diana smiled brightly at her. “Your students must absolutely adore you.” Diana gestured vaguely to Spencer before continuing, “Spencer loved his kindergarten teacher— hm, Mrs. Hudson, was it?”

Spencer nodded in confirmation. Diana looked back to Y/N with a slightly mischievous grin. “His report cards always came back with the note that he was ‘helping’ the other students just a little too much— always the professor, even at five years old.”

Spencer let out an indignant squeak, and Y/N laughed. “My parents got a very similar note.” She gave Spencer a smile. “We just couldn’t help it, apparently.”

“I’m sure it didn’t help that he’d been reading for three years before he was even enrolled,” Diana mused. “Did he tell you that he originally considered studying the classics?” Y/N shook her head. “Well. When you’ve already read and discussed all the course material, it seems a waste of money, doesn’t it?”

“Indeed, I suppose it does,” Y/N agreed.

“Oh,” Diana tapped Y/N’s arm affectionately before gesturing back to Spencer, “and then there was the time that he became so fixated on the idea of becoming a magician that he somehow managed to trap a rabbit in our backyard.”

“ Mom ,” Spencer choked out.

“Oh my. No, no— please go on,” Y/N begged, waving her hand dismissively in Spencer’s direction and leaning closer to Diana. “I need all the embarrassing stories.”

Diana let out a lilting laugh. “The poor thing spent the better part of a weekend in a storage bin while Spencer tried to figure out the top hat trick.”

Y/N turned to him with a bewildered grin. “The storage bin was well ventilated!” he defended. “And she had plenty of food and water.”

“Did you figure out the trick?” Y/N asked.

“No,” he admitted sheepishly. “Mom found out about the rabbit before I could. And you need more than just the hat for the trick anyway.”

“We fed her one last carrot and then sent her back out to be with the rest of her bunny family, who must have been missing her dearly.” Diana winked at Y/N. “At least that’s what I had to tell six year old Spencer.”

“Rabbits are incredibly social and live in large colonies, so that actually was most likely the case,” Spencer supplied.

Diana smiled fondly at her son, and Y/N could practically feel the love radiating off of her. “Either way, I had one very sad little boy for the next week or so.” She turned back to Y/N. “We actually took a break from some of the more... advanced reading material so that I could read him The Tale of Peter Rabbit .”

“A classic in its own right,” Y/N said.

Diana nodded. “I’ve always said that children’s literature encompasses some of the most profound and imaginative storytelling. We can learn a lot from Peter and Ferdinand.”

“I love Ferdinand!” Y/N gasped. “Gosh, that’s one of my all time favorite books. My mom read it to me when I was little, and I read it to my kids every year.”

Diana threw her hands up. “And that right there tells me everything I need to know about your teaching. Well— that and everything Spencer’s already gushed about, of course.”

The three of them spent the better part of the afternoon laughing and trading embarrassing childhood stories. Diana was even more lovely than she could have imagined, and Y/N was grateful to be so quickly accepted into the small but incredibly loving family unit.

Every so often, she would catch Spencer’s eyes on her— soft and content and practically sparkling— and her heart would leap into her throat. He was uncharacteristically quiet, letting Diana lead most of their side of the conversation, only chiming in here and there to offer context or defend himself in a particularly mortifying tale. Diana unwittingly (or perhaps purposefully) revealed just how much Spencer had spoken about her; she already knew about Y/N’s home, her family, and most of her interests.

Spencer may have been quiet, but he was also blushing profusely— caught in the act of being absolutely enamored with her. Y/N found that she didn’t know how to feel about that. She should be happy. She should be thrilled. And in some ways, she was. Being with Spencer had made her the happiest she’d been in a very long time— maybe ever.

It was the happiness that scared her.

She deserved happiness. That’s what Anita would tell her. But the way she felt with Spencer— comfortable, natural, easy — was the rising action. She was still anticipating the climax, the mountaintop, the apex of joy. She hated herself for it, but she couldn’t help it. She’d learned that every mountain had a valley, and the falling action always dragged her against every jagged stone on the way down. She never failed to plummet from the heights into the depths of where she’d learned to live, quiet and lonely and a little bit bruised.

This knowledge didn't stop her from soaking up every second of the highs.

“I’m starting to get a little tired,” Diana admitted. She reached across the couch and patted Y/N’s hand, squeezing gently, and then she looked to Spencer. “I start to— forget when I’m tired.”

The smile that had become almost permanent that afternoon faltered slightly, but he nodded and checked his watch. “Four hours is pretty good.”

She hummed. “They’ve been longer as of late.”

Y/N watched as his nose twitched. “Does Dr. Kincaid think that’s good or bad?”

Diana gave him a sympathetic smile. “She’s not sure.”

It was quiet for a long moment, and then Y/N stood. “Let me give you a minute together.” Diana stood as well, and Y/N clasped her hands together. “I don’t think I can articulate how incredibly happy I am to have finally met you. And I— I definitely don’t have the words to properly thank you for raising such a wonderful man.”

Diana took her hands, squeezing them gently before pulling her into a hug. Y/N returned the embrace, and Diana murmured, “Thank you for loving him. Through the highs and the lows.”

Y/N blinked back tears for the second time that day, nodding into Diana’s shoulder and hugging her tightly.

With a final squeeze, Diana released her, and Y/N excused herself back out into the foyer. She signed out of the visitor log and waved to a grinning Suzanna, and then headed outside to catch her breath. She made it to the car, unlocking it and settling into the passenger seat before leaning over to turn it on and get the windows rolled down.

Spencer emerged from the building, his hands in his pockets. He quickly made his way to the vehicle, practically running across the parking lot and sliding behind the wheel. Before she could even say anything, he was surging across the console to grab her face in his hands and pull her into a kiss.

She steadied herself with her hands on his chest, clutching at his shirt and returning the unexpected passion with a slightly bewildered smile. When he was finished, he pulled back to lean their foreheads together. She caught her breath and asked, “What was that for?”

“She loved you, and I love you, and I’m so glad you got to meet her.”

She could hear the emotion in his voice, and she slid her arms around his back, pulling him into a hug. “Me, too.”

He leaned into her for a minute longer, breathing into her hair and pressing another kiss to her shoulder. Then he pulled back, smiling widely. “How would you feel about meeting the other family?”

…

Spencer drove them to meet up with the team at O’Keefe’s, a favorite haunt of theirs on the evenings when they’d wrapped a case at a reasonable hour. They headed up the sidewalk hand in hand, with Y/N leaning a little into his side. She was feeling slightly more at ease this time around thanks to the buffer of knowing Penelope, Luke, and JJ already.

Spencer held the door open, trailing in behind her with a hand on her waist. She spotted Penelope’s bright green dress immediately, and Spencer raised his hand in greeting. The group gave them a raucous cheer, and Y/N couldn’t help but smile.

Spencer kept his hand on the small of her back as they approached the table. He greeted the group and then turned to Y/N, gesturing around the table. He introduced her to Tara, Matt, and Emily, the three of whom greeted her with warm handshakes. Penelope was practically vibrating with excitement as she scooped her up into a hug.

“Gosh dang it, you are just so cute ,” Penelope squeaked. She pulled back from the hug to take stock of Y/N’s outfit. “The books, I love it. And the shoes!”

Y/N laughed, twirling her ankle to show off the pink t-strap heels. “I’m definitely going to regret them in about an hour. But they look cute anyway.”

Tara sidled up to the two of them, raising her glass in solidarity. “Here’s to cute shoes and pinched toes.” She took a sip of her scotch and then turned to Y/N. “What’s your poison?”

“Oh, you don’t have to,” Y/N insisted.

Tara waved her hand and gestured to Spencer. “You got grandpa to come out to the bar. You’re not paying for a single drink tonight.”

“I come out with you guys!” he squeaked indignantly.

A chorus of exasperated groans made their way around the group, followed by good-natured laughs. Tara raised a single eyebrow in Spencer’s direction, and then turned her attention back to Y/N. “Like I said, you won’t need your wallet tonight. What’ll it be?”

…

She did not, in fact, have to reach for her wallet at all that evening. Between the seven of them, Y/N’s cup was always full and her smile was nearly permanent. She heard endless stories about Spencer, complete with photo evidence— much to his dismay.

She learned that Tara had a doctorate in forensic psychology, and Emily had worked internationally for years becoming the Unit Chief of the BAU. Luke had been an Army Ranger and a member of the Fugitive Task Force, and Matt had traveled the globe with the International Response Team.

They were all incredibly kind, asking about her family and her work, listening with interest as she recounted growing up on a farm and her days spent teaching kindergarten. Despite their apparent interest, Y/N couldn’t help but feel a little… silly. Stories of field trips and finger painting felt incredibly juvenile in comparison to the lived experiences of this remarkable team of people.

She did her best to steer the conversation back to the team whenever possible, which in some ways made the whole thing worse. But she managed to keep a smile for the evening, and she lost track of how many drinks made their way down the hatch. Luke ordered an assortment of snack foods for the group, and she gratefully accepted a few fries and a mozzarella stick to soak up some of the alcohol sloshing around in her stomach. At some point Spencer returned from the bar with an extra glass of water, sliding it her way with a knowing smile and a press of his lips to her cheek.

Eventually, Y/N had to excuse herself to the bathroom, patting Spencer’s arm and carefully navigating the dim bar. In the way that it so often did, the level of her intoxication made itself abundantly clear in the harsh lighting of the restroom. She stumbled out of the stall to wash her hands, using the countertop for balance and cursing under her breath.

She raised her head to analyze her appearance, groaning a little at the smudge of mascara under her eyes. As she swiped at the black rings, she considered that she had never quite figured out the ideal amount of alcohol— somehow always managing to get a little too drunk. And now she was too drunk in front of all of Spencer’s friends— his family.

Not only that, but for the second time today, she couldn’t help but feel so overwhelmingly ordinary . Surrounded by the team, all extraordinary and awe-inspiring in their own right, she was… plain, unaccomplished, boring . Spencer had called her remarkable; she felt anything but.

She closed her eyes against the tears that were threatening to spill over, remembering the last time she’d cried in a bar bathroom. She’d spent that evening wondering what was wrong with her… wondering if she deserved to have someone like Spencer at all.

“That’s just… the alcohol talking,” she reminded herself out loud into the empty bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror. “Stop bein’ a weirdo.”

She pushed out of the bathroom and back into the bar, walking a little more cautiously as the alcohol started to course through her bloodstream. As she approached the group again, Spencer’s eyes found her immediately, and he reached for her, pulling her underneath his arm and into his side. He brought his mouth close to her ear and murmured, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just—” She slid her hand around his waist to keep herself steady. “Just more tipsy than I thought.”

He ran a soothing hand along her arm. “Do you wanna go home?”

She shook her head. “No, no— ‘M fine. ‘S nice to be with your friends.”

“You’re sure?” He squeezed her shoulder and lowered his voice. “Because honestly I’m kind of ready to go.”

She looked up from where her head was resting on his chest to see him smiling softly at her. “Whatever you want.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and then turned back to the team and cleared his throat. “We’re gonna head out.”

Tara made a show of checking her watch. “10:45? I’m surprised you stayed this long, old man.”

…

Y/N’s eyes opened slowly and came into focus as Spencer’s car came to a stop outside her apartment. “Why’re we here?”

Spencer shut off the ignition and pulled out the key with a small smile. “I have a feeling you’re going to feel… less than stellar tomorrow. I thought you might like to wake up in your own bed. Hang on.”

He climbed out of the vehicle and closed the door before coming around to her side. She could feel the tears welling up as she fumbled with the buckle on her seatbelt. Everything was a little uncoordinated, and she felt absolutely ridiculous.

The door opened, and she carefully swung her legs out one at a time. Spencer stood slightly to the side, and she knew she should hurry up and let him get home, but she didn’t move to get up.

“Do you need help?”

She shook her head, and the action sent a tear rolling over her bottom lash line. She tried to swipe it away, but of course Spencer caught it.

“Hey— what’s wrong?” he asked gently.

She sniffed. “Are you just dropping me off?”

He cupped a hand underneath her chin to tilt her eyes upward, and his eyes were soft but concerned. “I was planning to come upstairs with you. Unless you don’t want me to.”

She shook her head. “No, I— you can come upstairs.”

“Okay.” Spencer cocked his head. “Honey, what’s going on?”

Y/N didn’t know where to begin. She was drowning in self-doubt— had been since about the one month mark. It seemed that every day there was something new to feel insecure about. The confidence she’d had on his doorstep in March was nowhere to be found.

That was too much for her slow moving brain to articulate at the moment, so she settled on: “They’re all so smart and funny and cool and interesting.”

“Okay…” he prompted.

“And I’m not,” she admitted.

His mouth turned quickly down. “That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is,” she insisted. “I’m just— a kindergarten teacher and I— I don’t have any cool skills or stories, and I don’t even have any muscles, and they’re all so pretty —”

“Hey, stop— stop.” Spencer squatted down to be eye-level with her. “First of all, you’re not ‘just’ anything. And you’re my favorite kindergarten teacher and the best one I know.” He grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together. “You have lots of cool skills and stories. And I don’t have any muscles either.”

She lifted her free hand to squeeze his bicep. “Yes, you do.”

“Muscles are overrated.” He smiled and brought a hand to her face, smoothing her hair back and then letting his fingers linger on her cheek. “And frankly, pretty is too mundane a term to describe you. I’d go with something like radiant, or ethereal, or incandescent.”

“You have to s‘plain your jokes to me,” she slurred, swiping her forearm under her nose.

“Not always. And besides, I have to explain my jokes to basically everyone,” he reminded her. He squeezed her hand. “But unlike everyone else, you let me explain them to you. And you actually listen to the explanation.” He shrugged. “I think I like that more than I like telling the joke.”

She was quiet then, eyes focused on a particularly interesting piece of loose gravel. She knew the list of her flaws was longer, but her brain couldn’t string them together in her current state.

Spencer shuffled closer and waited patiently until she finally looked at him before continuing.

“I love you. And not because of your job, or your cool stories, or your muscles,” he clarified. “I love you because you’re you. And, a little selfishly, because I love the person that I am when I’m with you. Okay?”

He smiled tentatively, and she let out a long breath. “Okay.”

He leaned forward and kissed her nose. “Now, come on. Let’s get inside.”

Spencer helped her navigate up the walkway and the three flights of stairs. Rather than rummage drunkenly through her purse, she passed it off and allowed him to retrieve her keys and unlock the door.

He supervised and provided balance support as she haphazardly swiped a makeup wipe over her face and fumbled into her pajamas. Finally he got her settled into bed with a bottle of water on the bedside table.

He pulled up the covers around her. “I’m going to go to the bathroom,” he murmured.

This was the moment that he’d realize what an absolute fool she was. He’d finally be alone in the bathroom, and it would become abundantly clear that she couldn’t drink responsibly, that she was boring, that she was obnoxious. She was sure of it, and her heart was fracturing into a thousand tiny pieces.

Spencer’s nervous laugh broke through her haze of insecurity. “Whoa, I thought we were done crying?” he joked. “Honey, c’mere.” Spencer pulled her up into his arms, rubbing a hand over her back.

She hadn’t realized she was making any noise until the sound vibrated against where Spencer had tucked her into his shoulder. As if she hadn’t been foolish enough tonight, now she was blubbering into his nice cardigan. Despite herself, she clung to him like he’d disappear like smoke between her fingers.

“I’m— I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed; it’s not funny,” he apologized. “Shhh, sweetheart . It— it’s okay, it’s okay .”

“I don’t want you to go.” Her voice was full of tears and cracked pathetically at the end.

“Okay, okay,” he agreed, a tinge of confusion in his voice. “I’m— the bathroom can wait, I suppose.”

That only made her cry harder, which poor Spencer responded to with even more aggressive soothing. He stroked over her hair and hugged her tight, shushing her and rocking her a little bit back and forth.

He was just so sweet . Kind and thoughtful and considerate— three things she hadn’t experienced from a significant other in a very long time. And it was exhausting waiting for the shift— for the moment that he realized she wasn’t worth the hassle. She was so tired of anticipating the end.

“I don’t want you to leave.” She hated how ridiculous she sounded, gasping and hiccuping.

Spencer froze for a full second and then squeezed her impossibly tighter. “I’m not. Baby, I’m not. I am right here.” He stroked a firm hand up and down her spine. “I need you to take some deep breaths with me. I’m gonna do it, too, okay?”

He led her in a series of deep inhalations and long exhales to the rhythm of his palm on her back. He murmured quietly to her, reassurances and promises and love. As her breathing came closer to normal, he pressed a soft kiss into her hair.

“I love you, Y/N. You know that, right? I wouldn’t change one single thing about you.” His hand on her back slowed to a stop, and she could practically hear him considering his next move. “I’m pretty sure Billy Joel wrote a song about it, actually. I love you just the way you are. ”

She couldn’t stop the laugh from bubbling up in her throat at the tone deaf melody, and she felt him smile against her hair. “Okay?”

She wasn’t okay, but that wasn’t his fault. She sighed and sniffed. “Okay, off brand Billy Joel.”

“That’s not very nice,” he chuckled, pulling back to swipe his fingers over her damp cheeks.

“Yes, it is,” she insisted. “I love off brand. Just as good as the real thing, and with some fun quirks.”

“Somehow I don’t think he’d appreciate the comparison.” He smiled softly at her, and then his expression melted into something a little more serious. “But I mean it. There is no place I’d rather be, and no one else that I wanna be with. When I say that I love you the most, I mean that I love you more than I have ever loved anybody. Ever.”

He looked at her so earnestly that she wanted to cry all over again. How was he so wonderful, and gentle, and loving, and perfect ? He’d promised to do better on a chilly night in January and then spent every single day since then doing exactly that.

“But I actually do have to pee,” he admitted sheepishly. “Are you going to be okay here for a few minutes?”

He was speaking to her as he would a child, and she was utterly mortified. She waved her hand. “ God , I’m bein’ so annoying.”

“No, you’re not. You’re a little drunk. And a lot adorable.” He tapped gently on her nose. “But you’re also kind of sad, and I don’t want you to be sad.” He propped the pillow up behind her. “It’ll be the fastest pee ever— four minutes, tops. Most of it will be hand washing. Okay?"

“Okay,” she smiled, and she really meant it.

He hopped up and trotted to the bedroom door. “See you in four minutes. Have some water while you wait.”

She followed instructions, sipping carefully from the bottle he’d left for her. She also rummaged through the bedside drawer for the Advil, popping two and washing them down with another swig of water.

Spencer returned to the bedroom with his cardigan and pants already discarded. He quickly slipped out of his button up and into his pajamas before sliding in beside her and holding out his arms. “All right, c’mere.”

“Hmm?” she hummed.

“I’m demanding snuggles,” he clarified. “That’s the price you pay for my chauffeur and caretaker services.”

Another smile slowly turned up the corners of her mouth, and he returned it, pulling her against his side. “There she is.”

She allowed herself to settle and melt into his warmth, the soft fabric of his t-shirt under her cheek and his fingers brushing lightly over her arm. She willed herself to stop waiting for the shift. She begged herself to stop looking for the end.

Maybe this time there wouldn’t be an end. Maybe she could have an infinite middle with Spencer Reid. Maybe she had earned that.

———

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[writing-on-the-wahl]

Writing Snippet #10

O Positive

Part 2

Ok so @im-a-wonderling had a FANTASTIC idea for a snippet, but I’m putting the ask below to not cause spoilers lol:)

Special thanks to @im-a-wonderling as well for the beta read, edits, suggestions, and expert medical knowledge to help make this way more realistic than my original draft! You’re amazing!!!

—————————————————

Hero shifted from side to side as she stood in line, fingers clutching a bottle of orange juice.

“Well you’re prepared.” Hero’s head shot up as the attendant waved her forward. “Normally people wait until after to go for the juice.”

She chuckled nervously. “That’s me... prepared.”

“ID?” She scrambled through her wallet, making sure she didn’t grab either of the two aliases she’d already used at different locations that morning.

She would have used the same ID, but last time she’d tried to explain that she healed super fast- a result of her powers- and could donate more, the resulting argument had lasted nearly an hour, with nurses questioning whether her “magic blood” could even be used at all (it was perfectly normal blood thank you very much), and they’d still only let her donate the normal amount.

She handed him the correct ID, and he shoved a clipboard full of paperwork at her. A phlebotomist led her to a reclining chair. Even though she’d filled out the information twice that morning, it still took approximately twelve years to finish the stack of forms. The phlebotomist returned, and began asking her an equally long list of questions. She only half paid attention to the stream of questions.

Have you received any blood transfusions?

No.

Have you traveled in the last 6 months?

No.

Are you free of HIV or any other blood diseases?

Yes.

Have you ever been pregnant?

Yes.

Wait! No!

The phlebotomist chuckled as she snapped on a pair of gloves. “Ok let’s see that arm.” Hero held out her mark-free arm. After the first donation that morning, the needle mark and resulting bruise had been gone in a matter of minutes. After the second, she’d had to wait over thirty minutes before the signs of her deception to fade. The phlebotomist wrapped a tourniquet above her elbow before consulting her paperwork.

“It says here you’d like to do a double donation?”

“Yes.”

“You have to be 150lbs in order to donate that much sweetie.” The older woman eyed Hero dubiously.

Her throat went dry. “I know. I am.”

“I’m just going to take one bag today; you’re looking a little pale, honey.”

“But the other phlebotomist let me—”She cut off and cleared her throat. “I mean, last time I donated. It was fine.”

The phlebotomist shook her head as she felt the inside of Hero’s arm for the vein.

Hero forced a cheery smile. “This is important. I’ll be fine.”

By tomorrow, she added silently. Or the day after that...

Last time she’d only been able to get in one regular and one double donation before she’d gotten called into help with a work emergency. She’d spent the rest of the day in bed, but had woken up fine the next morning. Of course, that was only half the amount of blood...

The woman narrowed her eyes before shaking her head.

“The shortage is the worst it’s been in years, but I’m only going to take one bag today.”

“But—”

“Unless you’d like to go stand on that scale over there?”

Hero blanched, then mutely shook her head.

The woman muttered something that sounded suspiciously like ‘I thought not,’ before raising her voice to a normal volume. “And make sure to take it easy and drink that orange juice you’ve got there.” She nodded at the bottle in Hero’s hand as she swabbed her arm with an alcohol wipe and picked up a needle.

“I will.”

————— 30 minutes (or so) later —————

Hero made it ten steps out of the building before she collapsed against the wall, head swimming. She peeled the tape and cotton ball off her arm. Blood immediately began to trickle down her forearm.

She struggled to unscrew the cap of her juice, hands shaking. Finally, she succeeded, the cap slipping through her fingers and bouncing against the sidewalk. She brought the bottle to her lips, but only managed a few sips before her stomach revolted. She clamped a hand over her mouth and closed her eyes, willing herself not to throw up.

She closed her eyes and leaned back against the wall, ignoring the curious stares from pedestrians on the crowded downtown street.

She needed to get home.

A quaking boom shook the ground, and Hero cracked open her eyes to see a plume of smoke a few blocks over.

Most likely the bank on main. Or the diamond store next door.

She took a step towards the plume of smoke, but the ground was still rocking, and she had a feeling it wasn’t from the explosion. She closed her eyes as panicked civilians began running to and fro.

Her phone rang out in a pealing tone, sending her a foot into the air, her orange juice falling to the ground with a sticky splash.

The emergency line.

Groaning, she accepted the call.

“Hero! Villain just set off a bomb on Main Street.”

“Diamonds or bank vault?”

“BOTH! You need to get over there now!”

Hero covered her eyes. She wanted to, she really did. If only the ground would stop moving.

“It’s my day off. Send Other Hero.” She cringed at her seemingly callous words, but she didn’t think the Hero Agency would exactly condone what she’d just done.

Even if she was just trying to save lives.

“Other Hero is undercover spying on Supervillain. Your phone shows you are six blocks away. That will take you 12 seconds to get your speedy butt over there.”

A second explosion rocked the ground.

Oh he didn’t. Hero growled, pushing off the wall and taking a hesitant step forward.

The ground was finally still. Much better. She pulled out the spare mask she always kept in her purse and fitted it across her eyes.

12 seconds, she scoffed.

————— 9 (and a half) seconds later————

Hero skidded to a halt in front of the shattered front windows of Pristine Diamonds.

The windows of the bank next door were in a similar condition. She rested a hand against the ash stained wall, gasping as the world spun.

She forced her head up, scanning the scene. A gaping hole had been blown in the wall connecting the two businesses, and smoke was still pouring out of both buildings. She darted into the diamond store, moving without her super speed through the black air. She made it to the back of the store, where the massive safe stood empty, the door hanging drunkenly off one hinge.

She cursed and made her way to the jagged hole. She was halfway across the bank lobby when a figure leapt from the smoke and she was thrown to the side.

She scrambled to her feet as Villain faded back into the smoke. His laughter echoed around her as she spun in desperate circles. The smoke thickened until it was nearly solid around her.

“You’re slow today, Hero.” The voice rang out behind her, and she whirled around, but there was nothing but smoke.

Her vision was truly swimming now. She swiped at her eyes. “And you’re extravagant. You can create smoke from nothing, you didn’t actually need to set off a bomb.”

“I was creating a passage between the businesses. They should thank me.” The voice was to her right, and she spun again. There was no point in super speed if she couldn’t see. Her head was starting to pound.

“And that outfit.” The whisper brushed against her neck, and she whirled around again, only to see the smoke curling in around the place where Villain had just stood.

She glanced down self-consciously at her pink shorts and baggy tie-dye T-shirt.

“You already ruined my day off. There’s no need to mock my clothes as well.” She huffed, taking determined strides in the direction she hoped was the door.

“Who said I was mocking?”

She sensed him behind her the instant before he attacked. She spun. He hit. She flew. Across the room. To the floor. Over chunks of rubble. And into a brick wall.

Her back cracked against the wall, knocking the air from her lungs.

Smoke swirled through the air as Villain emerged, the dark tendrils receding to lap at his heels.

He looked surprised; he’d never actually managed to land a blow that direct before.

Hero forced herself off the ground. It was time to retreat. She summoned her powers, but between her swimming head and the sharp pain in her leg, she made it only a few feet before sinking back to the ground with a quiet whimper of pain.

She forced her blurry gaze up to Villain, who was regarding her with a strange expression on his face.

“I thought you healed as fast as you can run.”

She blinked, and realized he wasn’t looking at her, but at her leg.

She looked down. Blood seeped from a long shallow gash on the outside of her calf, no doubt from a sharp piece of rubble.

Smaller cuts and bruises covered the rest of her body, and none of them were healing.

“That’s strange.” She wiped clumsily at the cut.

Villain’s eyes narrowed. “You seem oddly off your game, Hero. You haven’t lost that much blood.”

She mustered the energy to glare at Villain. “I did tell you this was my day off.”

“I wonder if it’s from the blood earlier.” She mused, floating on a hazy cloud.

The tendrils of smoke scattered as Villain knelt down beside her.

“What blood? You came to fight me when you were already injured?”

His voice sounded as though he was speaking through a tunnel.

“There’s a national blood shortage. Worst it’s been in years.”

“So?”

“So, I donated.”

Villain scoffed as he produced a cloth from somewhere and began wrapping it around her leg. “You have regenerative healing powers, a pint of blood wouldn’t have made you this weak.”

Hero shook her head and weakly held up five fingers.

Villain froze. “FIVE PINTS OF BLOOD!” He roared, smoke dancing angrily around them. “ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY INSANE!? YOU SHOULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW!”

Her head throbbed with every word, and she flinched away.

“I heal fast.” It was barely a whisper, but his fiery eyes met hers.

“I don’t care how fast you heal. No one can survive losing half their blood.” At least now his rage was contained to a low snarl. He grabbed Hero’s hands and pulled her to her feet.

“Your hands are freezing! What were you thinking!? Why would you face me after donating that much blood?!? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

He continued to seethe as he swept Hero into his arms and strode through the bank. He paused only to swing a bulging duffle bag onto one shoulder before he swept out through a second gaping hole into a back alley. A dark SUV was waiting in the shadows. He tossed the bag into the back and slid Hero into the passenger seat.

She curled against the warm leather.

“I was just trying to help.” She mumbled, her voice muffled as she spoke into the headrest.

“I know.” A hand ran down her hair. “Close your eyes. Sleep.”

She forced her eyes wider, remembering. “I can’t. I have a job to do.”

Villain shut her door and rounded the car to the driver’s side. Slipping into place, he started the engine.

“Not today.” He managed a small smile even as his eyes crinkled in concern.

“It’s your day off, remember?”

Original request from @im-a-wonderling:

“I started thinking about a story where the hero donates blood and then the villain does something that the hero has to go and face them. The villain notices the hero is off their game, but assumes they’re just tired or something. Then, the hero gets injured. The injury is really minor in terms of blood loss, but the hero is pale and sickly and can’t stand up and the villain gets all protective like “WHY would you come and FACE ME if you DONATED BLOOD today?!” And the hero mumbles “They’re having a blood shortage.” And the villain is ready to wring the hero’s neck for not taking care of themselves. So they just scoop the hero up in their arms and brings them back to their lair to feed them and let them sleep.”

Again thanks so much for the request!! I hope I did it justice:)

[calpalirwin]

Permanent Vacation

Summary: Calum falls for a musician.

A/N: I just really wanted an excuse to use Arrows in Action newest releases in a fic. (They’re bangers. You should go give ‘em a listen.)

Word Count: 2.8k

And away, and away we go!

__

The sun was hot as it beat down on my neck, the line for the beerstand long, and the noises of people chatting excitedly were loud in my ears. But I didn’t care in the slightest. After the isolating shitshow that was quarantine, I was more than happy to be out at a festival with, wait for it, live fuckin’ music. The only way I could be happier was if my band was in the lineup, but this was still a pretty close second. To be surrounded by musicians and people who loved music was a breath of fresh air after so long. A breath of very hot fresh air. But still.

Behind me I heard the girlish giggling and whispers of my name, which drew the attention of the group in front of me: three guys, and a girl around my own age, two of the guys a good shoulder and head taller than the other man and girl. The shortest of the guys whispered, “Could you imagine if we got noticed like that?”

The tall brunette’s eyes went wide as he pulled a face and shook his head. “No, thanks. I think I’d cry.”

The other tall one with purple hair laughed loudly, “Aw, c’mon, that would be rad! His band’s not even in the lineup and he still gets recognized. Could you imagine?”

“He has a name, and can hear you, J,” the girl hissed with a playful eye roll. Then, she flashed me a smile before calling out in a loud voice, “Hey, man! Good to see ya! How ya been?” to me, before taking a step forward and stretching up to wrap her arm around my shoulders like we were old friends. “Just go with it,” she added under her breath. “Nobody’ll bug you for pictures and autographs if you’re with a bigger group.”

“Thanks,” I laughed at her rescue attempt. “But it’s fine if they do. I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, but they can at least let you buy a fuckin’ beer first.”

“Well, thanks again,” I said, not sure of what else to say, or do so I let her pull me up with her friends who were all staring at her with I’m sure the same look of soft shock I had on my own face.

“I’m Y/N, by the way.” She let go of me as she started introducing her friends to me. “And this is Jesse.”

“Hello,” the tall one with purple hair smiled warmly.

“That’s Matt,” she nudged the other tall one.

“Hey.”

“And this is Vic,” she finished, looking at the shortest man who waved.

“Nice to meet you guys. I’m Calum,” I said, then realized how stupid that was. “But, you already knew that, huh?”

Y/N grinned, holding her thumb and index finger close together. “Just a smidge. But it’s cool. So, any bands you’re particularly excited to see?”

“The Maine and All Time Low mostly. I’m a huge fan of The Maine, and All Time Low are friends of mine.”

“Both are great bands. And the All Time Low guys are good friends to have, for sure.”

“Oh, you know them?”

“Yeah, we worked with them a few times.”

“Worked with? Fellow musicians, huh?”

She laughed. “We’re up and comers, yeah.”

“Your cool aunt’s favorite band,” Jesse grinned at me.

Y/N laughed more at the confused look that crossed my face. “That’s one of his favorite ways to refer to us. Like we’re the band you find out from word of mouth from the cool relative that’s always discovering new music.”

“Ah,” I said, nodding in understanding. “Been there. Are you guys in the lineup?”

“Yup!” she chirped happily as we got to the front of the line. “5 beers, please,” she told the person working the counter.

“Oh, you don’t have to,” I tried to decline, reaching quickly for my wallet.

“Relax, it’s just a beer,” she told me, passing me one of the cups being placed on the counter. 

“Well, thanks,” I said, raising the cup and taking a sip. “I’ll getcha guys next time.”

“I’ll hold you to it,” she grinned around the rim of her own cup. “Enjoy your beer, Cal. See ya around.”

~~~

I took the last swallow from my beer, cursing myself for not having stopped her to get the name of her band, or at the very least her last name. But before I had a chance to get the words out, I’d been bombarded with requests from fans for pictures, engaging in small conversations with them, and by the time I was done, Y/N was long gone.

So I resigned myself to walking around the festival grounds, my head reeling. It wasn’t often a woman pretended to be my friend to rescue me from the onslaught of fans. In fact, I couldn’t recall one time that's ever happened. I also wasn’t used to being bought drinks, even if I was still fully intending to return the favor. Although that would require me to find her first. But something told me that wouldn’t be too difficult.

I was grateful I’d come on my own, and not with Ashton who would have no doubt teased me about how hooked I was on the girl. The cynic with a crush? Whatever were the odds? And was it even technically a crush when I’d only interacted with her for maybe five minutes? Okay, maybe Ashton being around wouldn’t be the worst thing if he could help me make sense of the jumble of thoughts in my head. The way that man could bounce from crush to crush almost seamlessly was enough to give me a case of whiplash. 

I sighed as I tossed my cup in the trash. Whether or not it was a crush was still to be determined. All I knew was that I liked her energy, and wanted to see her again. And… that was a crush, wasn’t it? God. Fuckin’. Damn it.

A guitar chord rang out loudly, and there was a mad dash of people running towards the stage. Slowly I pushed my way through the crowd of people towards the front, grinning when I noticed it was her on stage, and grinning even more when I noticed the instrument in her hand. A bassist? Fuck, I was definitely in trouble now.

The shortest of the men, Vic, I recalled, started singing, with the other three providing backup harmony on the chorus. Until they got to the bridge that was all Y/N, her voice ringing out “Tomorrow’s a nightmare, I’m dreaming today. And my head is haunted, the past just can’t stay. The devil you know, yeah he comes and he goes. I’m selfish, and vapid, I hide in my prose!” before they launched into the final chorus.

“What up, Anaheim?!” Vic yelled into his mic to a scream of cheers and applause. “We’re Arrows in Action, and that was our newest single, Only Be Mine. I’m Vic. We got Matt over here on guitar. Jesse’s on the drums. And Y/N’s over there on bass. We got a few more songs for you all. And if you’re an awesome crowd, we might have a special treat for ya at the end of our set. Sound good?”

We answered him in whoops of cheers and loud applause, causing them all to grin as they launched into their next song.

They played seamlessly through about three more songs, enjoying the feeling of playing live in front of people again, before Y/N whooped into her own mic. “Whoo! It’s hot! Anyone else hot? Y’all staying hydrated out there?” she asked us, before flickering her gaze across the stage at Matt who was wiping his forehead. “You good, Matt?”

“Dude, it’s like a million degrees up here,” he commented, before taking a huge swig from a water bottle.

Y/N laughed. “Right. Y’all gotta understand. Matt’s from the cold states. Then there’s Vic and I who are California natives, technically, right Vic?”

“Yeah, I was born here. But I didn’t live here as long as you did.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. So Vic and I are used to the heat. Matt, not so much. And Jesse? How you doing back there, J?”

“Me?” the drummer pointed at himself in confusion “Oh, I’m great!”

“Great enough to give this crowd a real surprise?” she asked, her voice laced with playful trouble, as she looked at all her bandmates. “C’mon, boys what do ya say? Wanna give this crowd something special before we go?”

Again, we all cheered and applauded as encouragement for whatever surprise they had in mind. “Alright!” Vic laughed. “Alright, you wanna go ahead and introduce it then?”

She smiled wide as she turned towards us. “Alright, everybody! We’re Arrows in Action. We’ve had a great time with y’all! So, as a thank you, we’re gonna play a new song that we haven’t released yet. Is that cool with you?” She laughed as she awaited the response of screaming, whistles, and applause. “Alright. This is called Permanent Vacation, which will be available on all listening platforms this Friday. Let’s go!”

Matt started playing a series of chords that sounded incredibly familiar, while the other three clapped to the beat. But right before the lyrics were supposed to come in, Vic started talking into his mic. “Wait, wait, wait!” he laughed. “I don’t know the lyrics to this!”

“So it’s just like every other song,” Y/N teased him with her own laugh.

“Nah, I think it’s cuz that one’s not ours.”

“Be rad if it was though,” she said, and I swear she shot me a wink. “Alright, alright. So, that one’s not ours. But this one definitely is. And it’s definitely called Permanent Vacation. And it’s out Friday.”

A new guitar and drum beat started up and Vic immediately started singing, again with the rest of the band providing back up vocals until the bridge where it was all Y/N. A soft build before a wild yell that would have torn my own vocal chords to shreds.

“I’m locked and loaded, fire away! Permanent vacation from my brain. Extend my stay another day. Far from home, not alone,” they all finished with a flurry of chords. “Thank you!” Vic croaked into the mic. “Thank you guys so much! We’re Arrows in Action, enjoy the rest of your night!”

With tired but happy smiles, they all bowed before exiting the stage. I moved to follow, but thought better of it, going to hit the drink stand first where I bought 5 beers and 4 waters. A small challenge, made slightly easier by the person working the stand putting the water bottles in a grocery bag for me. With that hanging off my arm, I held 2 beers in each hand, and my own in my teeth.

“Cal!” she laughed, her face flushed when I found them lounging in the grass. “You didn’t have to do that,” she told me as she rose to her feet to help me distribute the beers.

“I said I’d get the next round,” I offered up simply, setting down the bag and taking a seat with them all. “I brought you guys water, too.”

“You really didn’t have to do that,” she laughed, tossing the bottles out anyway, and sitting back down, this time next to me. 

“Shut up, Y/N, let the man do what he wants,” Jesse said, downing a water bottle in 2 gulps before turning his attention to his beer. “You’re rad. Thank you.”

“For real, man. This was really cool of you,” Vic said.

“Yeah, huge thanks,” Matt nodded.

“What they said, I guess,” Y/N laughed again, following Jesse’s lead of downing her water bottle before going for her beer. “Fuck,” she sighed. “That’s good. Thank you, really.”

“Happy to do it,” I answered. “That set was amazing, by the way. And that joke at the end was pretty clever. How long were you planning that?”

She giggled. “Uh, well Jesse and I are much more the 5sos fans than Matt and Vic are. But we’re all familiar with your music. And when we were writing the song, and settled on the title, I suggested that it would be funny to start playing your version if we ever got the chance to play it live. Which meant bugging Matt to learn the guitar parts.”

“So you’re the troublemaker of the band?” I guessed.

She shrugged, and hid behind the rim of her cup. “I mean… Depends on the day.”

We continued to lay in the grass, making small talk as we all finished our beers, before Jesse cleared his throat. “Uh… Matt, Vic. You guys wanna come with me to get a good spot for the rest of the acts?” he asked, the suggestion in his tone heavy.

Matt and Vic shared a look, before nodding. “Yeah, yeah of course,” they said, all three of them getting up.

“You assholes are just gonna leave me?” Y/N asked, looking up at them.

“Just come find us when you’re ready,” they winked. “Thanks again for the beers, Cal.”

“Assholes,” she muttered again as they all made themselves scarce. “Sorry about them.”

I laughed, waving it off. “Nah, it’s cool. And kinda nice, maybe?”

“Oh?” she asked, her eyes wide. “Uh…” her face flushed. “I mean…” she started to stammer. “Yeah. Yeah.”

I gave a half chuckle, scratching at the back of my neck. “Look, it’s fine if you’re not… I mean, I figure you probably are if they did that for you, cuz they have no reason to do it for my sake. I mean, they’re your friends and bandmates, not mine. But I know a wing man set up when I see it. But if it’s more of a meddling wing man set up, like that’s fine,” I spilled out, before realizing I was rambling.

“No!” she rushed. “Oh, no, that’s not what I meant at all!” She covered her face in her hands, groaning “Oh, this is so embarrassing…” Her hands moved to push through her hair as she took a long breath to steady herself. “Of course I like you, Cal. Like before I even met you. One of those embarrassing fangirl crush type of deals. And I mean, I’m a bassist in a punk band, so you’re also someone I idolize and take inspiration from.” Slowly her gaze lifted from her lap to lock onto mine. “And then I met you today. And  you’re everything I thought you’d be. Thoughtful. Generous. A bit shy, and quiet at times. Nice. And it makes the crush that much stronger, and harder to deal with. Cuz now it’s real. And I feel like I know you. And it’s just… Ugh, it spirals from there, ya know?”

“A good spiral, or a bad spiral?”

“Bit of both? Like the insecurities in me say that you’re an A-list celebrity, while I’m more of like… not an A-lister. My band’s not on the same level yours is. I mean, we play bars and small day festivals. You sell out stadiums and have world tours. There’s a clear discrepancy. But then, another part of me doesn’t give a shit about that. It sees how we’re like-minded. It sees all the ways we click, and all the ways we could work. And that’s where the cocky part comes in, where it sees the like-mindedness and the reasons we could work, and calls you an idiot if you can’t see it too. That, uh, screwed up defense mechanism of it being your loss, ya know?”

“Mhm.”

She sighed. “Sorry. I said a lot. Point is, I do like you. And, that’s that.”

“So the ball’s in my court?”

“Only if you want it to be. And if you don’t, then no. There’s no ball. No court. Just two people who have a few things in common.”

“You wanna hear what I think?”

“Go for it.”

“I think your friends left us for 2 reasons. 1 being that they’re loyal to you, and know how you feel about me. 2 being that they’re also guys. Which gives them a pretty good insight for how I’m feeling too.”

“Uh-huh…” she nodded slowly. “And how you’re feeling is…?”

I could have said the words. But I settled for leaning in, brushing my lips softly against hers for the sweetest of moments, listening to the way her next breath got stuck in her throat. I pulled away, smiling softly at her and shrugging my shoulders.

She traced her lips with her thumb, bewilderment written on her face. “Okay, you really didn’t have to do that.”

“Relax,” I chuckled, stealing her words from earlier. “It’s just a kiss.”

“Well, thanks. I’ll, uh, getcha next time.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

__

Tag List

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[fairestwriting]

Hi there and Happy spring! I'm new to your blog, so I hope I'm doing this right- anyway, can I request some fluff/romantic headcanons for Malleus, Silver, Sebek, Vil, and Epel sharing their first kiss with their fem s/o on a picnic please? Thank you!

happy spring to you as well!! i hope you enjoy your stay in this blog ^_^

as a side note, i just noticed i write so much stuff set outside the pomefiore building...and the diasomnia boys have picnics around ramshackle because near their building its just. thorns.

(by the way, i have a ko-fi now, so if anyone feels like supporting my writing you can do it there!)

Malleus Draconia

You’ve known that Malleus liked outdoor dates since you two started going out like this, so you decide to surprise him with a picnic date.

It wasn’t anything too...fancy. You ask him about his favorite snacks and do your best to prepare them, then lay down an old tablecloth near the Ramshackle building, somewhere you two could see the moon well.

It’s the evening when you’re bringing Malleus to the spot you’ve picked, chirping about your surprise for him, and when you get there and tell him about your picnic plans, he’s a bit confused -- You’re nervous, thinking he might not have liked it, but then you realize he just didn’t know exactly what a picnic was.

It’s up for you to guide him through the motions. You explain to him that it’s just eating outdoors, really, usually on the ground like this. He follows you curiously as you instruct him to sit down, and you go on about the things people commonly did during them like storing the food in a basket, and the tablecloths...

“I thought you might like it, since we go for walks here so much.” You explain, nervously fidgeting with your hands a bit. Malleus hadn’t said much yet, just watched.

He’s inexpressive enough you’re afraid he really didn’t like it, so you ask him about it, but then a small smile appears on Malleus’ lips.

“I must say I’m surprised." He admits, with a tenderness in his eyes that you haven't seen before. "I'm sorry for the silence, Child of Man. I was thinking about how to thank you. But I believe I've figured it out now."

You're about to question what he means -- But then Malleus kisses you softly, your thoughts leave your mind as your eyes flutter shut.

When he pulls away, he's still smirking. Maybe he had been planning that, somehow...

Silver

After a couple of dates with Silver, you had noticed you needed to come up with more... low-energy ideas, at least for a while, because his perpetual sleepiness seemed to have gotten especially bad.

You two brainstorm a bit over lunch, when Lilia butts into your conversation and suggests a picnic -- And it's actually a good idea, especially now that the spring weather left the outdoors feeling more pleasant than usual. You two agree on meeting up next afternoon near Ramshackle for it, where maybe it wouldn't be the prettiest date spot, but you'd definitely have some time for yourselves.

Each one of you bring some snacks that you like, you arrange a tablecloth, and soon you were ready for your quaint picnic date -- Silver sits next to you over the cloth, head leaning against your shoulder, and you eat some cookies he bought while chatting idly about school.

When he falls silent in the middle of you telling a story about what one of your classmates did yesterday, you already know what to expect -- And when you turn to look at him, your suspicions are confirmed.

Silver is asleep, leaning against you cutely. You know it's not because he's bored, by now, and you planned this date so it's okay if he dozes off, so you don't mind.

But he looks so cute like this, eyes fluttered shut and expression so peaceful. You set the cookie down on the container, letting your hand pet at his silky hair for a while as you stare. He really was so pretty -- You leave a gentle kiss on his forehead, letting your fingers sort through his whiteish locks, and he stirs, eyes beginning to open.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty." You tease, smiling. Silver, still a bit half asleep, looks at you with half-lidded eyes. You're just about to assure him there's no issue he's dozed off -- Then suddenly his lips are on yours in a chaste, yet slow kiss.

"Retribution for you kissing me before." He explains, voice and smile drowsy as he does so, and returns to cuddle up to you.

Sebek Zigvolt

The picnic date is a product of your and Sebek’s current situation -- You’re his first girlfriend so he doesn’t know a lot of interesting date spots, it’s been exam season lately and you’re both tired, so something easy and simple seems ideal.

Today at lunch, right after your last exam, you tell him you have a surprise for him after all his activities. Sebek gives you a lecture about how he won’t put off any of his duties to see you, but after some coaxing you get him to cut some time from his studying, since exams were already over... and he comes to see you in the evening, at the exact time you had planned.

While he had been busy, you set up the picnic for both of you, and you show off proudly the food you got, put together over the tablecloth as you tell him to sit down -- Some you bought, some you made yourself. It’s mostly simple snacks, but there’s a sparkle in Sebek’s eyes.

You tell him it’ll be like a celebratory dinner for getting through such a difficult period in your school lives, and he’s actually quite excited for it. You sit down together and begin to eat, you listen to him talk about his day, everything is pretty sweet.

Pulling out some nice glasses you’d found stashed away at the Ramshackle attic, you suggest to Sebek that you have a celebratory toast, Sebek likes the idea, and you pour some juice for yourselves in it.

You two toast to your success in your exams cheerfully, he’s smiling quite brightly, happy to know that you’re proud of his efforts too -- As you sip your juice, you notice his face grows pink, you ask him what’s up. There’s a pause.

“...can I kiss you?” He asks, blurting out the question. You blink in surprise, blushing too, but you nod. Sebek blushes a bit more, he tentatively reaches forward... and his lips are on yours, all sweet and gentle. He smiles at you when he pulls away, happy to have had his first kiss with you -- Then you probably spill the forgotten juice on yourselves.

Vil Schoenheit

Isn’t really outdoorsy, so a picnic date isn’t the first romantic outing to come to his mind -- But when you two are taking a stroll on the woods close to Pomefiore and you mention how nice it’d be to have a picnic there, he gets the idea.

Vil liked surprising you like this, putting together all sorts of different dates to impress you, so he takes a couple days to make sure everything’s arranged nicely. He picks a nice spot on a flowering field, fills the basket with your favorite food, and on a Saturday morning, he comes to your dorm to tell you to wear your best sundress, you two are going on a picnic date.

You set up the picnic and eat together like any other meal you’d share, Vil points out the recipe for his favorite food items and fusses over you when you get breadcrumbs on your cheeks. The weather is nice, the sky is a bright blue, everything is so pleasant and you’re here, smile brighter than the sun itself.

He didn’t really bring you here with any second thoughts in mind but when you two are sharing a place of apple slices and you look around at the flowers with this dreamy look in your eyes, your beauty is so blinding to him, and he can’t help but remember he hadn’t kissed you just yet. Well, that just wouldn’t do.

“You’ve got something of mine on you,” He mutters, scooting closer, and during the second that you’re confused, about to ask what it was, Vil holds your chin delicately, tilting your face up as he steals a kiss from you.

Epel Felmier

Epel had been nervous since you two started going on dates, he really liked you and he wanted to do this right! So, lately he's been looking for good date ideas to impress you, and a picnic comes up.

He makes it a surprise! Tells you on Friday, fidgeting with his hands, that he wanted to meet up with you on the garden near the Pomefiore building tomorrow morning. When you get there, after some walking around the flowering bushes, you find Epel standing next to the little picnic setup, awkward but excited smile on his face.

It's a very classic setup -- The straw basket, the red checkered tablecloth. Epel actually has a sort of sappy, cliché romantic side to him. He announces the surprise, opening the basket to show you the food he's arranged for you two, mostly apple based snacks and some bread from the cafeteria. It's all so simple but so earnest you can't help but smile.

You two hang out like usual, chatting the pretty morning away, though it's visible in Epel's sudden cheerfulness that he's trying to impress you, and he feels as though he's succeeding, proud at himself for making his cute girlfriend happy.

"A-Ah, can I feed the cake to you?" He asks when he sees you've picked it up from the basket, and you decide to humor him. His eyes sparkle. You hand him the tupperware and the fork, and he takes a piece off the slice with it. "Say ah!"

You follow his suggestion, letting him feed you the piece of cake. You're a few forkfuls in now, all chuckles and content smiles as you chew your food, when his previously peppy expression falters a bit, and you see his face growing more red -- Well, he had been mostly just hyped about this, and being a good boyfriend, and all, but... he's taken off guard by how cute you can be.

You ask him what's wrong when he's setting the tupperware down, blushing like crazy, and he acts on impulse -- Even in all his clumsiness, Epel cups your face and surprises you with a kiss that lasts a while.

"What was that about?" You'll question, breathless and flustered, and he just mumbles, embarrassed, that you were acting too cute for him to handle, before quickly and excitedly asking to do it again.

[eternally-writing]

tour troubles | jjk

genre: fluff, angst

rating: G (no swearing or sexual content)

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: idol!au, boyfriend!au, one-shot

word count: 1.8k

warnings: none

Synopsis: When surprising your boyfriend Jungkook on tour doesn’t quite go as you planned, it’s up to you now to help cheer him up.

banner by me!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

After a grueling 6 months apart,  you were more than happy to be in MetLife Stadium watching your boyfriend live out his dreams on stage. The Map of the Soul Tour was no joke; Jungkook was practicing all day and performing all night, and combined with your final exam season passing by it left little time for you to talk to each other.

Finally wrapping up the school year, you got in touch with Jimin to see if he could help you plan a surprise visit for Jungkook on one of their final tour stops.

All of the members had become like family to you, but it's no secret that aside from Jungkook you are closest with Jimin. He was like the older brother you never had, and you always ran to him whenever you needed relationship advice or a good hug.

As you watched Jungkook on stage you noticed his smile falter sometimes as he would be slightly out of position or dance off beat. You could only pick this out because you had spent hours in the practice room dancing with Jungkook. 

You and Jungkook had come together because of your shared love for dance. He had first asked you out inside a very sweaty-scented Big Hit practice room, almost half of your dates ended with some form of dancing, and whenever one of you was frustrated you could always find the other teary-eyed, lying on the marley floor of a dance studio. You had always been there to whisper words of encouragement in his ear when he was feeling down, and you wished nothing more than for her voice to reach the stage at the moment.

Soon enough, the concert came to an end and you were flashing her pass to the backstage security guard to get to see the boys. Despite your  uneasy feeling watching the concert, you couldn't ease the butterflies in your stomach at seeing your boyfriend for the first time in months.

Ever since you had planned this, you spent your nights imagining exactly how Jungkook would react: whether he would hug and kiss you first, stay frozen on the spot in shock, or start crying right away. 

As you stepped into the Big Hit dressing room, you were instantly greeted with several smiling faces. 

I didn't take you long to do a head count and realize that there were only 6  boys standing in front of you, and that your boyfriend was nowhere to be found. 

Making eye contact with Jimin, you saw the softness in his eyes as he motioned for you to come closer so he could explain. 

“He’s not feeling well Y/N, and none of us can get him to talk about it. We’re so worried. I swear I’ve only gotten like 2 words out of him tonight, and I even tried to make a nutella sandwich for him to cheer him up. I’m sorry this isn’t what you had planned, but can you talk to him please? For us?” 

You took a deep breath before pulling back the curtain divider in the dressing room. Your nerves catching up to you, you considered just turning around and telling the boys you would surprise him at their next concert instead. 

You had dealt with Jungkook being troubled and frustrated more times than you could count, but you were worried you had lost her touch after being apart from him for months. 

Your mind also flew the other way. How many times has he felt like this after a concert and never told you? When he said "It was fun I'm just really tired now" after every concert was he truly feeling like this? 

With that, you pushed forward because you knew that you had to be there to support Jungkook today, even if you couldn't be there for all the other times. 

The sight that greeted you behind the curtain was not a pretty one. 

Jungkook was staring blankly at the monitor in front of him, dark fringes of his hair matted against his sweaty forehead, tour hoodie zipped up completely with the hood on, and worst of all, his eyes were clearly puffy and swollen, with tinges of red coming through from underneath his makeup. 

Jungkook barely even glanced your way as you sat down an ample distance away from Jungkook on the couch. It was clear from his lack of surprise at your appearance that one of the boys (probably Jimin) had probably told him about your surprise visit earlier in an effort to cheer him up after the concert, but even that could not get him out of this slump.

 Of all the scenarios you came up with for how Jungkook would react to your surprise, somehow this one never crossed your mind. 

You turned your focus to where Jungkook was staring - a TV monitor replaying video footage from tonight's concert. You watched as his eyebrows stayed furrowed as he glared disapprovingly at himself for making even the smallest of mistakes in the video, almost wincing as the TV monitor continued to play the footage.

"Do you want me to help point out things in the video?"

Jungkook didn’t even move a muscle.

You took the silence as a yes, and pulled a pen and the closest thing you could find to paper, a napkin, out of your purse to write on. 

Working as a dance teacher had taught you more than a couple tricks about how to give constructive feedback, and you were a firm believer in the "give 2 compliments and then 1 thing to work on" approach. However, you knew the issue with Jungkook wasn't that he was truly bad at dancing, but rather that he was way too hard on himself for the smallest details that the audience wouldn't even notice - so she threw in a few more compliments than usual. Unsure of how Jungkook would react to seeing the list, you still threw some of those very nit-picky details on there, knowing that if he was still frustrated he would throw the list out all together if he thought you were just coddling him. 

And so you both sat together in front of that grainy TV monitor, in complete silence aside from the sound of your pen scratching against the napkin.

June 10, 2020 MOTS:7 Tour Feedback Report for Jeon Jungkook ( by Y/N)

- match angle of arm placement in Black Swan Opening Choreo

- footwork on DNA ending choreo could be cleaned up 

- the ARMY at the corner of the screen during Euphoria had the biggest smile when you looked at her. I think she’s gonna remember that moment for the rest of her life. 

-  I like the way you wink at the camera during So What! Gave me butterflies babe. 

- could add more energy into the last Fake love chorus ( hot bod btw!!)

And the list kept going on and on as you diligently focused on the screen and writing notes, taking occasional glances at your silent boyfriend.

Upon glancing over your shoulder and seeing your list, Jungkook smiled at your thoughtful and sweet comments. 

All of sudden, a wave of consciousness and realization washed over him. 

He finally has the girl he loves in front of him again after months apart, and instead of cherishing his limited time with you he was spending it watching himself dance, which is what he had already spent the last 9 years of his life doing. Most of all, you never let your smile falter once in front of him, even though he knew you may be upset with his response to your surprise, and you went along with whatever he wanted to do - even if that meant watching a very very low-quality video of his performances on a loop. 

Grabbing the napkin gently out of her hands and placing it on the table, Jungkook cupped your face and looked gently into your eyes. 

"Thank you",  he said softly, as if not wanting to startle you with his sudden character change.

In your head there was absolutely no need for Jungkook to be thanking her for anything she was doing.  She knew dating an idol would have its challenges, and she made a promise to Jungkook that she would be by his side through it all, even if that included rewatching Euphoria on loop. 

It was now your turn to sigh. 

“There’s nothing to thank me for babe, it’s just me. I wanna be here for you when you’re like this - I didn’t just date you so I could be there to celebrate your Billboard #1s and daesang sweeps, I’m here for these moments too.”

Jungkook further eliminated the space between you both by wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest. In that moment he realized that maybe all he needed was you. That all these hurdles he had been facing alone would have been much easier if he had just let you in on his problems.

“I just feel bad Y/N, I haven’t even seen you for months and the first time I see you I’m like this? I’m sorry.”

The gears started turning in your head. Batting your eyes overdramatically at your boyfriend, you smiled. 

“Okay how about we make a deal then babe?”

Jungkook looked at you curiously and let you carry on. 

“From now on, every time you feel like this you come to me okay? We can figure this out together, but I can’t help you if you don’t let me in,” you expressed, grabbing his hands in yours.

“Also, if you felt like making it up to me you could buy me some ice cream? It’s not the same when I eat it without you,” you joked.

Jungkook’s melodic laugh vibrated through the room. 

“Just ice cream? You’re selling yourself short babe. I’d buy the whole world for you, my love.”

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡-- 

As you emerged from behind the curtained section of the dressing room, hand in hand with a smiley Jungkook ( a stark comparison from how he was a mere hour early), you were greeted with Jimin jumping up and cheering loudly upon seeing the maknae.

Unable to contain his excitement, Jimin ran towards the two of you, chiming “you did it Y/N!! You brought back our maknae!”  

“Good to see you smiling, Jungkookie,”  beamed Jimin as he stepped forward to ruffle Jungkook’s hair. 

Jungkook chuckled and looked up at his hyungs. 

“I think I owe you all some ice cream. Ready to go? It’ll be treat.”

If his hyungs weren’t already excited to see Jungkook feeling like himself, now they were ecstatic. And you definitely felt the same way as well. ♡

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡-- 

If you liked this, please interact/follow! Thank you for reading ♡

- Emily

[princecharmingmendes]

Birthday Girl | Raul Mendes

Where Raul makes sure his girl will have the best birthday ever despite anything else

Hello everyone, pausing a bit on the Heart by Heart series (I'll be back to it Thursday as usual) to celebrate the beautiful and amazing @sinceweremutual birthday! This a small blurb/oneshot I started writing as soon as I found out her birthday was today, so I hope this was worth it. Happy Reading!

And honey, happy birthday! Hope you like it!

-*-

*Word Count: 3.5K+

*Warnings: stablished relationship, minor cursing and overly sweet Raul.

*Posted: August 15th, 2021.

-*-

Y/N loved her precious hours of sleep.

Loved the sensation of waking up and knowing she had some time to go back to bed and cuddle back into her pillows (or boyfriend if he haven’t left already). She liked sleeping in just a bit more on the weekends and taking naps after a long hard day. Last night was not an exception. Her day sucked and Raul was stuck at the hospital for a night shift, only being able to make it back home on the early hours of the morning.

They weren’t necessarily living together yet, but they’ve been together for almost two years, having known each other for a lot more than that and nowadays the pretty much were always together, but both had their own apartment, even though they’re barely separated. So she came back to his apartment since he promised he’d come as soon as he was allowed to join her in her sleep.

Her day sucked. Her boss was unnecessarily mean towards her for a mistake she did not commit and wasn’t her responsibility to make sure that wouldn’t happen. Then she had to spend the whole day fixing the other team’s mistake and it took over three hours and a bunch of paperwork, but at the end of the day she was able to figure it out. Only to receive a half assed apology, her boss blaming it on his wife’s strange behavior or whatever lame excuse he could find to put the blame on someone else.

So by the time she reached his apartment she felt dead at her feet, only having enough energy left to shower and pull on one of Raul’s hoodie over her head, burying her nose on his faint scent in the fabric, before falling onto her back in his bed and allowing herself to relax. What was supposed to be a five minute nap, ended up being the whole night, even skipping dinner in favor of resting in peace, nuzzling further into her boyfriend’s bedding.

Raul got home around 2 a.m. and found his girl asleep in his bed, holding his pillow tight to her chest and he could feel his heart swelling in his chest at the sight. He carefully dropped his things in the closet before coming out to check if she was still asleep and unperturbed with him roaming around, and his suspicious were confirmed by her steady breathing and peaceful demeanor. He decided it was best to take a quick shower before diving under the covers with Y/N and pulling her into his chest.

He was at the hospital for goodness sake.

As soon as he was out of the bathroom and back into his dark room, with only a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips, he plugged his phone, checking his alarms and carefully climbing onto the bed. But as soon as the mattress dipped under his weight, he noticed Y/N shifting on her side, and he stilled his movements to check if he had woken her up or was just a dream.

Y/N turned her face to his side completely, eyes still hazy and sleep clouding her senses “Baby?”

“Hi, sweetheart, it’s just me” he mumbled hovering over her with his hands planted on each side of her head to hold himself up, before he leaned down to press featherlight kissed all over her face.

“Kissy?” her voice small and soaked in sleep as she puckered her lips at him.

Raul let out a low and warm chuckle, making an involuntary smile appear in her lips as she looked up at him, feeling all fuzzy inside with the sound of his voice and the way he looked at her, before leaning down and placing a slow peck on her pout “you know you can get all the kisses in the world, my love, you don’t even have to ask” he then connected their lips again in a longer yet sweet kiss as she sighed into his mouth happily.

“Missed you” she said as soon as he pulled away, only to place his pillow back in its place so he could lay down properly, then pulling her pliant body to accommodate on top of his.

He hummed placing a kiss to her forehead as she curled her body around his, throwing a leg over his to tangle them “Missed you too, but I’m here now and you should rest, your four minutes voice message was enough for me to know you need to relax”

Y/N just nodded nuzzling her face in his neck sighing contently as he rubbed circles on her back, slowly drifting off himself as well “good night, darling, sweet dreams” he whispered into her hair but she was already asleep, but that didn’t stop her from tightening her embrace on him.

-*-

She had a peaceful night of sleep until being coaxed awake with a bunch of tiny soft kisses being placed all over her face, making her scrunch her nose before slowly blinking her eyes open. She was met with her gorgeous boyfriend hovering over her with his megawatt smile he reserved only for her shining bright. Y/N giggled softly tucking her head on the bicep on her left that was holding his weight above her. Raul couldn’t help but laugh at her.

“Good morning, birthday girl” he murmured a bit raspy as he dragged his lips across her cheek until she looked up at him with a smile on her face.

“Hm good morning” she mumbled sleepily letting her eyes fall closed.

“Oh no, don’t sleep on me” he whined and she giggled.

“I’m not sleeping, silly, just resting a bit”

Raul let out a low chuckle before kissing the tip of her nose “happy birthday, my love”

“Happy birthday indeed” she mumbled before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down to lay on top of her.

But before he could smash her into the mattress he was quick to roll them both over “no, no sleeping again” he laughed sitting them both up with Y/N on his lap.

“Why not?” she was physically unable to stop herself from pouting.

He only smiled sympathetically at her “you made me promise you I wouldn’t let you skip work today, and that was only two days ago and I don’t break the promises I make to you”

Y/N groaned rolling her eyes “stupid past me who thought working was worth skipping a day with you when I’ll have a crowded night and won’t even properly be able to enjoy my time with you”

“Having second thoughts on your night out, sweetheart?” he asked teasingly and she nodded “well, good thing Angela texted me to tell me she’s not making it tonight so she’ll reschedule with you later”

“Really??” she asked with a smile “I know I shouldn’t sound too excited about this, but this week was so long and I needed some chill time, you and a movie would be wonderful”

He only giggled and leaned his forehead against hers “That can be arranged, darling”

“Good” she hummed gently with a smile.

“Kissy?” Raul begged with a pout but a slightly teasing tilt in his voice.

It took her a while to realize he was mocking her from last night and she felt her face burning up “oh fuck you” she said trying to leave abruptly, but his arm around her kept her pinned in his lap as he laughed.

“No, no, drop it, it was just a joke, you were just so cute last night, could never say no to you” he mumbled kissing her jaw “come in, don’t be mad at me, I’ll do that thing you like for dinner, yeah?”

“This doesn’t sound like a food offer” she said with knowing look in her eyes and he had a smirk on his lips before she had even finished her sentence, making a laugh bubble up her throat “you’re the actual worst!”

Raul threw his head back in laughter, placing a kiss on her cheeks “come on, it was just a joke, you know I’ll give you anything you’d want, doll” and his eyes were so serious and so tender she almost melted into his chest.

“Oh God, it’s barely seven in the morning, I’m barely functioning and awake, and you’re already flirting, how do you manage that?” she asked incredulously, looking at him and he just laughed shaking his head.

“Well, I can’t help it when you look like that” he mumbled leaning in closer, rubbing their noses together.

“Like what?”

“Like the love of my life” he answered like it was the most obvious thing in the planet.

And he did it so easily, not even flinching at that, leaving her speechless.

Their relationship started with teasing and mindless flirting, becoming close friends pretty quickly. He flirted with everyone without even realizing, it was just natural, and she was just good with quick funny and slightly flirty remarks they just clicked. Their friendship blurred into a serious romantic relationship so easily, everyone surrounding them rooting hot it to happen. So this wasn’t necessarily a weird situation, they’ve been like this for years, but sometimes he’d utter the sweetest confessions between the little teasings and jokes with such rawness and adoration in his eyes that she’d end up frozen in place.

He did it because it would turn things a little easier to digest and he felt better that way, wouldn’t feel so intimidated since, and Y/N didn’t mind. She knew he could be honest and serious whenever he needed, but these tiny declarations that could be fitted into a casual conversation about their grocery list always caught her off guard. And it was so genuine and spontaneous, she couldn’t help but fall even harder for him.

So she just stared at him in awe for a couple of seconds before realizing she hadn’t said anything in return, before she babbled up a “I love you too”

Raul couldn’t contain the fond smile gracing his lips before he leaned in and pressed a long yet sweet peck at her lips “wait here only a sec, yeah?”

“What? Baby, you said no surprises!” she whined but got out of his lap anyway and he only smiled at her.

“It’s not a huge surprise or anything, I promise” he said before leaving her laying in his bed.

“Of course that is the only promise he’s able to break” Y/N grumbled under her breath grumpily.

Then she heard Raul chuckle as he approached the room again “I can hear you, you know?” and she only rolled her eyes from the bed and gasping as soon as she met him by the door.

He was holding a huge breakfast tray that had absolutely all of her favorite breakfast food and a beautiful flower arrange holding her favorite ones. The smile on her face was enough to make him aware that waking up after only 4 hours of sleep were worth it, and he’d do it all over again just to see her smile like that again.

“You didn’t have to” was all she could mutter.

Raul smiled and nodded “I know, I just wanted to make your day a bit better before work, and we can celebrate later”

“Thank you” she said in a hushed tone as he placed the tray on the nightstand, and as soon as it was out of danger of suffering a strike she lunged forward wrapping him in a hug as she knocked them both on the bed again “thank you so much”

Raul laughed wrapping his arms around her waist tighter “you’re so very welcome” he said as he placed a kiss to her hair.

“I love you so much” she mumbled squeezing him just a bit tighter.

“I know, love” he said with a hand tilting her chin up look at him “but I love you so much more”

“Ew” she teased and he laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and shaking his head.

He snorted making her laugh “Cruel beautiful thing”

Y/N leaned down to press a kiss to his lips “good thing you love me more than” mumbling before sitting back up to eat her breakfast.

And that was how she got ready for work, with one of the best breakfasts she’s ever had in her life, and sure the food as good, but that wasn’t all of it. She was still at home, in bed and content. Then after eating through light banter and little silly jokes, Raul followed her around his room and watched her get ready for work. She had enough stuff in his house she could easily live in there for a while, since it’s where they spent most of their time. So as soon as she was ready, with her boyfriend still hot in her tracks with every move she made, trailing behind her.

“Okay” she said as she grabbed her purse “this is your day off and I know you’re up super early for this and came home super late, so please sleep”

“Why? You plan on keeping me up all night?” he teased with his signature smirk and Y/N shook her head laughing.

She gently cupped his cheeks in both of her hands “you need to sleep, doctor’s orders, honey”

“I'm the doctor here” he protested and she only shook her head in response.

“Well, I’m in control here, mister, so to bed you go”

“Fine, but I’ll pick you up, alright?” he said pressing a kiss to her forehead and she nodded “Love you”

“Love you too”

-*-

Six p.m. sharp she heard her phone buzzing softly, indicating her overly excited boyfriend was already downstairs waiting for her. So Y/N started grabbing her things, letting him know she’d be there soon, and turning off her computer for the weekend. Before she could even get up from her chair, she saw her coworker and friend, Claire running towards her with a big smile on her face.

“Your prince charming is here!” she beamed and Y/N cringed at how loud she exclaimed.

“Keep it down, people are still working” she hissed at her friend but she only rolled her eyes at her antics in response.

“Come on, don’t leave him waiting!”

She shook her head laughing softly “okay, okay, I’m leaving”

“Happy birthday, girl, enjoy your six feet boyfriend”

Y/N looked at her funny “I will, thank you? What did he say to you?”

“Just go! And text me later!” she said as she pushed Y/N into the elevator, pressing the buttons and leaving her alone.

She laughed to herself, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder as she looked down at her phone, her foot tapping against the marble floor as she waited for the doors to open, and as they did, all the stress rolled off of her. Raul was standing just in front of her building wearing a beautiful button up, with a chain necklace hanging from his neck and peaking through the first opened buttons. His black shades covering his beautiful eyes and showing the reason behind his reputation of being a bad boy, when in reality he was just a softie.

But in his hands, he had another bouquet of flowers and as soon as he set his eyes on her, his face brightened up with a big smile. He was just leaning on his jeep and as she got closer he straightened his posture and took the final steps to meet her in between. He pressed a quick peck to her lips and extended the flowers to her, keeping their affection to minimum since neither of them were a fan of PDA.

“Hi there, gorgeous” she said trying to mimic his flirty tone and he only chuckled.

Raul opened the door for her “Hello, my love, ready for our birthday celebration?”

She kissed his cheek as she climbed in, bouquet on her lap as she buckled up “Is there food involved?”

“Of course, homemade and everything” he said closing the door before climbing on the drivers seat.

“Are you for real?” she asked as she turned to face him.

He only smiled starting the car, backing up and starting to drive them both to his place “Of course, could never lie to you, and it’s your favorite, even asked you grandmother for the recipe”

“Oh shit!” she squealed from her seat and he smiled at her nodding “you have to be kidding me”

“You can call her” Raul said teasingly “Or you could trust your very honest and loving boyfriend, both pretty simple options”

Y/N laughed shaking her head “you’re absolutely ridiculous”

“But you love me” he quickly added and she couldn’t stop herself from laughing harder.

“Of course I do, silly, it’s impossible not to when you’re literally being the best human being I’ve ever met and always making sure I’m happy” she said looking at the flowers on her lap before looking up at Raul.

“Stop it, you’re gonna make me cry” he teased and she shook her head with a giggle “I just want to make you happy, promised it to your mom and myself”

“And you’re acing this” she said and he grabbed her hand, planting a kiss on the back of it before parking on the garage of his building.

“Baby, before we go back home, could you please grab me my wallet, I think it's one the glove compartment” he mumbled grabbing his phone probably to reply to someone’s text.

And she did, but she was not expecting what she saw.

Inside the glove compartment there were a bunch of polaroids of them and rose petals scattered around, and right on the back of it there was a little key hanging under the phrase ‘move in with me, please?’ written in his calligraphy. She was still processing the whole thing when he cleaned his throat slightly nervous, making her look up at him with wide eyes and still not sure what to say.

“I know this is your birthday, and this is technically a gift for me, but I really couldn’t wait another day” he said softly, seemingly shyer than his usual confident self, making her heart swell twice its size in her chest.

“Raul, I- yeah, yes, of course I’ll move in with you!” she practically jump on him as much as she could due to the fact that they’re still in his car and space was limited.

Y/N was quick to capture his lips in a searing kiss and she felt him relax under her touch, tucking her bottom lip between his two, a hand cupping her face as the other held her waist to give her some sort of support on the pose she had. She backed way to recover a bit of breath she didn’t think she would need when she lunged forward to her boyfriend, so instead the pecked his lips only about a million times, making him laugh and press one long kiss to her lips then leaning away completely.

“Glad you agreed to it, cause I already told your parents” he said a bit nervous about it, a sly smile gracing his features to match his rosy cheeks.

“Of course you did” she said with a smile “what about yours? Are they okay with it?”

“Are you kidding me?? Mom wanted you to move in like three years ago” he said as he grabbed the key and the photos from the glove compartment “sorry, sweetheart, this is actually symbolic since you already have a key and this is actually mine”

“Figured” she laughed as she grabbed her stuff “And what do you mean three years ago? We weren’t even officially together back then”

Raul shrugged “guess that’s a mom thing, she said something about having never seen me this happy before and she was sure we were in love with each other, turns out she was right, I already loved you back then and didn’t want to admit it, and yeah, you make me the happiest man alive, sweetheart”

“You're absolutely ridiculous but I still love you” Y/N admitted and he smiled at her.

“I know” he opened his door “your real present, meal and a few other stuff are waiting for you upstairs”

“Oh my God, you really went all in” she giggled getting out of the car, and as soon as she was out, he was quick to pick her up bridal style making her squeak “what the hell are you doing?”

He looked down at her, taking a while to cal the elevator “Isn’t this how we’re supposed to do it?”

“Baby, I’m sure it’s only the door, not all the floors and we’re not married” she said with a giggled

“Well, miss skepticism, just let me be a goofball once in a while” he said with a mocking tone.

“Once in a while?” she asked incredulously.

He had a pout on his lips when he spoke up again “Come on, no teasing when I’m trying to be a hopeless romantic, please let me do this and treat you right” he said with a smile

“Alright, whatever you want” she admitted in defeat as she giggled, wrapping her arms around her neck “just don’t drop me, please”

“Would never, sweetheart”

-*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

[undyingskies]

Jealous

Hello everyone, I am back yet again with another Charlie fic! I really enjoyed writing this one, it was a lot of fun! Also it’s long about 3,000+ words, I read over it and edited it as much as I could, so I really hope I caught all the mistakes! As usual I am happy to take requests, especially because I am starting to run low on ideas! Anyways, hope you enjoy! xoxo 

Warnings: None really, there is a little make out sesh but it’s not long!

_________________________________________

        Season 2 came before you knew it, even though it felt like the renewal of Julie and The Phantoms took forever. But the minute it got renewed to now felt like a whirlwind of activities that happened before you could even take a breath in.

Now it’s two months into filming and this is the first time you’ve been able to visit your boyfriend Charlie since the start of it. You had to finish your semester of school before you could come visit him, knowing that you’d never get any schoolwork done if you came to visit during the semester.

It was a long two months and you truly could not be happier to be sitting smushed between Charlie and Owen in the car heading to set at 6 am. Any other time you would have dreaded being up so early but it didn’t seem so bad with your boyfriend’s hand resting on your thigh and the bickering of the two boys.

“You guys have been up for maybe an hour and you seriously haven’t stopped to take a breath from whatever you guys are arguing about this time.” You laugh, while pointing it out, because seriously it started the minute they woke up this morning and hasn’t stopped.

“Y/N, I feel like you’ve forgotten the dynamic that goes on between these two and their early mornings. We have sleep beauty number 1 and 2 here!” Jeremy laughs from the front seat.

You know he’s right; these two boys bicker non-stop anyways but especially on early mornings since they both love their sleep.

“Thanks for coming to set today baby, I know you got in yesterday but I don’t think I would have been able to get much done today knowing you’re sitting at the apartment waiting for me.” Charlie whispers into your ear sending chills down your spine and butterflies to erupt in your stomach at his early morning voice.

“Of course, you know I wouldn’t miss it for a thing besides I miss the rest of the cast! I’m excited to see them!”

A smile takes its place on Charlie’s face and he leaves a small kiss on your neck before turning back to look at his phone.

You originally met Charlie on the set of Julie and the Phantoms season 1. You never wanted to be on the big screen or some big actor but the industry always intrigued you so you signed up with a local company to be an extra for sets. It let you travel, see the business, and put money in your pocket when you weren’t doing school.

You were an extra for the crowd scenes, so basically any time the band played you were there watching. One day before they started filming, you were watching Dirty Candy perform and without thinking you started doing the choreography with them. You had been a dancer for about 12 years but a bad knee injury took you out of the game. Your love for dance never stopped though so you really enjoyed watching them perform.

I guess the girls had noticed you doing the choreography so they approached you asking if you were a new dancer on set. Embarrassed that they caught you dancing, you let them know you weren’t, you just watched them so many times you had memorized it by accident.

The girls were really nice and you quickly took a liking to Savannah and Tori, they would ask you to hang out while they practiced because you could pick out little details to fix or make better. From there it turned into a beautiful friendship, they started inviting you to hang out off set and to all the hang outs with the rest of the cast. Then before you knew it, you were a part of the group and always attached to their sides.

When you first met Charlie, of course he got your attention, his cute smile and energy would grab anyone’s. You never really thought much of it after though, but you always did notice that he would always look at you and for a little extra longer, he paid a little more attention to you when everyone was talking as well as you, and he always seemed to smile just a little bigger when he’d pull you into a hug to say hello.

Then one day he asked you out, just like that. Savannah and Tori mentioned that they thought he was going too but you didn’t think he would. Nothing ever really happened between you two, it was just a friendship where you flirted sometimes, but like you said before you noticed those small things but didn’t think much of it.

Of course you said yes though, he looked so nervous and cute that you felt yourself fall almost immediately after that. Which pretty much happened, after your first date  there was another and then another, and then you guys were in a relationship and pretty much inseparable.

A tug to your hand pulls you out of your thoughts, you guys had arrived on set and Charlie was tugging you out of the car. Sometimes the boy forgets his own strength and he has you tripping out of the car. He laughs and stabilizes you by grabbing onto your hips. He looks down at you, placing a sweet kiss to your lips that was quickly interrupted.

“Is that Y/N  we see?” You hear Tori squeal followed by a “Yes that sure is.” from Savannah. Then they’re both next to you pulling you apart from Charlie and engulfing you in a group hug between the two girls.

It does feel good to be back with them, they quickly became two of your closest friends during your time as an extra on the show and you never lost touch with them either.

“Charlie, they need you in costume quick, they want to start as soon as they can to-Y/N!!” You hear your name yelled and arms wrap around your waist.

You turn to see the one and only Madison Reyes, you’re quick to wrap your arms around her as well. You loved the girl and she felt like a younger sister to you, she always came to you to talk and tell you secrets. You had really missed her even though she did facetime you about once a day.

“Mads it’s good to see you, I’ve missed you girly!”

“I’ve missed you too ya know, those facetime calls just don’t always cut it.” She laughs. “Anyways they do need us, they want to start filming as fast as they can today.” She says turning to Charlie and letting you go.

“Well you wouldn’t mind if we stole your girlfriend then would you Charlie since you’re busy?” Tori asks. “Besides you had her all yesterday, it’s our turn now.” You laugh at the girl’s words and turn to your boyfriend.

“I guess it’s alright, I’ll see you on set then? You said you’d watch our performance today.” Charlie says while pulling you in for one last hug before you depart.

“Of course, you know I wouldn’t miss that!” He places a kiss on your lips before he leaves with Madi and you with the girls. Who are both staring at you almost two excitedly.

“You two scare me sometimes, so much energy so early in the morning.” All of you laughing at your words. You follow them to the area where they will be filming but they have chairs and breakfast set up as well. You’re sitting with the girls, just drinking some coffee for the time being.

“So how has it been Y/N, does it feel good to be back around this craziness?” Savannah asks you.

“It’s been good, as far as life goes not much has changed since we all last talked! I finished the semester strong and only have two semesters left which is a relief. I hope when I’m done that means I will get to be around more and to travel with Charlie. And of course if feels good to be back! I’ve missed it and everyone really. I was bummed not to be able to re-sign to do extra work but I had to focus on school.” You tell the girls.

“Oh of course, we get that. Everyone here just misses you so much especially Charlie! As much as I am glad, you’re here so we can see you, I may be more glad because now we don’t have to hear him complain about how much he misses you.” You laugh at Tori’s words. The girls decided to actually send you quotes of the day that Charlie said about how much he missed you, that boy was quite dramatic but the quotes did end up being the highlight of your day more often than not.

You’re engulfed in conversation with the girls and don’t even realize the time flying by. They talk about the new season how it’s going, the new dances that they’re doing, your relationship and any other topic you could really think of.

A flash of orange catches your attention, you know that orange beanie like that back of your hand and you’re glad to see that it’s making its appearance in season 2. You follow the hat as it’s weaving through people and see it stop in front of the cameras.

Charlie’s eyes catching yours, he gives you his dazzling smile and wave in your direction before Kenny pulls his attention back to him but not before Kenny throws a wave in your direction as well.

“Well we got to go, we’re all in this scene but we’ll see you after!” Savannah says pulling you into a hug, Tori quickly following her movements.

Now you’re left alone, to watch the scene unfold in front of you. It really is so much fun to watch them all interact with each other on and off the screen. It’s such a wonderful dynamic they all have going on.

This scene is some scene at school, where Dirty Candy confronts Julie. Julie has the boys behind her giving her comebacks to all the jabs thrown her way from Carrie. It’s actually a funny scene watching the boys yell the things at Julie.

Take one, take two, take three, take four, and then a large grumble erupts from your stomach pulling your thoughts away from the scene before you.

You look down at your watch to check the time, it has been about two hours and you’ve been so distracted by everything that you forgot to eat. The moment of realization makes your hunger grow about ten times more. You quickly make your way over to the food table.

There’s donuts, brownies, cookies, some croissants, an assortment of chips, and some breakfast sandwiches. Honestly it all looked so good, and your stomach was telling you to get a bit of everything. The donuts and croissants calling your name the most, and maybe one chocolate chip cookie as well. You’re finishing up putting together your plate and grabbing a water when a voice startles you.

“I’ve never seen you before, are you new here?” You turn to see a boy, probably about your age, dressed in the schools letterman jacket.

“Oh no, not really.” You say with a smile, turning back to grab your water and food, to walk back to where you were sitting.

“Oh really? I guess I’ve missed you around here then, what’s your name?” He asks, following your lead and sitting in the chair across from you. Guess this conversation isn’t over, you think.

“Ya, I’m actually just visiting. I was an extra for the first season. It’s Y/N.” You say hoping that was the end, but nope.

“Oh cool, I’m Josh.” He says leaning in, reaching out his hand for a handshake while scooting closer to you. Almost too close and beginning to ask more questions.

Little did you know, that someone’s eyes were on you watching the whole situation. The longer Charlie watched the more he could feel the pit in his stomach growing. He didn’t like how close that guy was sitting next to you or the way every time you said something he would just lean that much closer.

The look in that guys eyes could have made Charlie stop in the middle of the scene and yell something, but he’s too professional for that. But that look, he knows what that looks means, that guy liked you and he didn’t understand why you weren’t stopping the conversation. The pit in his stomach now a giant hole and his ears and face on fire from anger or is it jealousy he thought.

“And cut. That’s the last take for this one, great job guys!” He hears Kenny yell and before anyone could talk to him, he’s got his eyes locked on you and walking straight towards you.

A pair of arms wrapped around your shoulder and a kiss to your neck scares you, pulling you out of the conversation that never felt like it was gonna end. You can see Josh’s eyes widen at the action that just unfolded in front of him and before he could say anything you hear Charlie pipe up from behind you.

“Hi baby, who’s this?” You can hear him ask in a tone you never heard before; he sounds upset?

“Oh um this is Josh; he was just telling me about the role he’s playing this season.”

Charlie reached his hand out to shake Josh’s hand.

“Well it’s nice to meet you Josh, it’s weird that I’ve never seen you before. I appreciate you keeping my girlfriend company while I was just a little busy.” You can practically hear the jealousy coming from his voice and you don’t miss how Charlie emphases the world girlfriend.

Josh visibly gets uncomfortable by his words.

“Oh ya man, sure. Sorry, she didn’t mention she was here for her boyfriend, just said she was visiting.” He says giving an excuse to why he’s so close to one of the stars of the show girlfriend.

“Oh she didn’t, interesting...” Charlie says trailing off and giving you a look you don’t think you’d ever want to see again.

“As much as I would have loved to bring up the fact, I had a boyfriend there wasn’t much of a moment for me to mention it between Josh’s story telling.” You say getting upset at Josh and Charlie’s actions. Sass and frustration evident in your voice.

You can see Josh’s cheeks get slightly red. Charlie is quick to grab your hand and start to pull you away with a quick,

“Well nice to meet you bud. We’ve got to be going now.” He says while still pulling you away.

The minute you’re out of sight and hidden behind a wall Charlie has you pinned against the wall and his lips on yours.

He doesn’t even give you a chance to catch up before he has his tongue swiping your bottom lip to get in. He’s quick to bite down on your bottom lip, a moan escaping you.

Your hands entangle in his hair pulling him closer, his hands gripping your hips pulling you up to have your legs wrap around his waist. Charlie moves his hands down to cup your butt giving it a slap as he starts to attack your neck with his lips.

You can’t help but lean your neck to the side giving your boy all the access he wants, basking in the feeling of his lips on your skin.

You’re pulled out of your little world when you hear voices and they sound like they’re getting closer.

“Char...Charlie, stop, someone... there is someone coming.” You struggle to get out as he keeps kissing your neck, you place your hands on his chest to give him a little push away. You’re able to get him to detach himself from your neck and place you back on your feet.

Two people walk past you guys giving you small awkward smiles, definitely knowing what was happening due how close you guys were standing, the mess that Charlie’s hair now is, and what you can only imagine is two pairs of swollen lips.

When they leave, he’s quick to attach his lips back to yours. But you place your hands on his chest pushing you away a little bit, even though it took everything in you to do so because man is that boys mouth magic.

“Baby, what’s going on? As much as I know you and your love for what’s happening, it’s never this public.” You ask, slightly concerned at your boyfriends behavior.

He shakes his head a little and moves his hand to rub the back of his neck, a pink tint appearing on his cheeks.

“I just, I don’t know thought it’d be fun.” He says not making eye contact.

“Oh that’s some BS Gillespie, what’s up?” You knew your boyfriend too well and that was a cop out answer.

“I just, I didn’t like how that guy was looking at you, or sitting so close to you and then he brought up how you didn’t say you were here for me and I just I don’t know...” He trails off still looking away sheepishly.

A small smile does form on your face as his words, you’ve never seen Charlie get jealous and truthfully it was a little cute.

“Oh so someone was jealous?” You ask with a little laugh.

“What me? Jealous? No, never!” Again, he’s trying to brush it off; but with the lift of your eyebrows he knows you’re not buying it.

“Fine, I was jealous okay? I know it’s bad to be jealous but whatever...”

“Actually, I think it’s pretty cute.” You say with a little laugh, grabbing onto his arm to pull him closer to you.

“Really?” He asks with his signature smirk and that tone of cockiness he just always seems to sport just a little. He now has his arms wrapped around your waist pulling you just that much closer, if it’s even possible.

You give him a nod and lead his lips back down to yours to interlock them again. This time he pulls away but leaves his forehead leaning on yours.

“I love having you here, even if it means you get hit on by gross extras.” You laugh at his words and the fact that his insult is what a twelve-year-old would come up with.

“I love being here, you know that. I really did miss you.”

“I missed you too sweet stuff, just don’t forget you’re here to see your very handsome boyfriend.” You both laugh together at his words.

“How could I ever forget? Plus it seems like if he thinks so he gets a little jealous and I don’t mind the outcome of it.”

“Oh shut up, you’re my girlfriend just gotta make sure everyone knows.” You roll your eyes at his words and he leans down again to place another kiss on your lips.

“Yep, your girlfriend and don’t you forget it.”

You both laugh again as you pull him in for another kiss. Your boyfriend may be a little crazy but you wouldn’t change it for the world because nothing feels better than being able to be back in his arms and laughing in between sweet kisses.

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Ch. Thirteen

⚠WARNING: Emotional hurt, mention of previous character's death

• ────── ✾ ────── •

Your nose is running and your breath hitches as you weave through other strangers on the sidewalk. A few glance at you, a college-student nearly sobbing on her walk. But to your relief no one stops to talk to you.

It’s almost what you want. You’re desperate to get back to your apartment, lock the door and burrow into your sheets to fully process the events from tonight alone.

Oikawa selfishly spilling your secret, the deepest secret you hold, in a fit of childish rage. And yes, your argument with him didn’t help but you didn’t think he’d stoop that low.

Your phone has been ringing nonstop since you’ve left but you haven’t bothered to pull it out to check the messages or voicemails. You know it’s Oikawa who’s bombarding you with calls and voicemails. And it’s Makki and Mattsun who are sending the texts.

But you don’t want to talk to them.

You acquiesce as you wait for a stoplight to change so you can continue your sad, pathetic walk home. You glance over your shoulder, paranoid that your friends are coming after you to talk. In between the glances you grab your phone and open it up.

You ignore the incoming call from Oikawa and unlock your phone. You see notifications coming into your message app and tap it open. You briefly watch the ever growing number coming from Oikawa’s chat with you before you open the texts from Makki and Mattsun.

You slip your phone back in your pocket without replying. You just want to be alone.

Well, not really. The only person you can imagine talking to about this right now is dead. And that fact kills you.

You can’t tell him how embarrassed you are that Makki and Mattsun know your pathetic secret. You figured that they suspected something was happening between you two in high school because you had such a different relationship with Hajime compared to the others. You’d harbored the idea of finally confessing and actually being with Hajime but you’d shelved it until you were ready.

But then he died. He was taken from you way too soon, and now you’re left with your confusing mess of emotions and thoughts and what if’s.

Having to live with these feelings is unbearable. Having your friends know that you live with these feelings, and the circumstances surrounding them, is even worse.

Fresh tears fill your eyes and you wipe them away.

You round the corner and see your apartment building in sight. You reach into your pocket to get your keys so you’re ready to get inside and lock behind your door.

Except you don’t find your keys in your pocket. Not the right one, not the left. Not in your bag, not in your pockets even after checking - you don’t have your keys.

You let out a whine. Fuck, you do not need this right now.

You think for a second, retracing your steps and trying to remember where you went today. You can cancel a few spots but there are others that could be where your keys are.

You pull out your phone to send a message, starting easy.

The short feeling of victory you felt at finding your keys is erased when you realize you have to walk to Osamu’s apartment. It isn’t far…but you’ve had a long day.

A long day, long week, long couple of months. A long time stuck in this hell of constantly bickering with Oikawa, studying and working your ass off in your classes, navigating life without your best friend.

Is this your life now? Is waking up every day, crying, dragging yourself out of bed to be a civilized member of society, coming back home to cry and then sleep - is that your destiny?

The harrowing thought settles around your shoulders and you feel yourself sink further into the black tar pit you’ve been trapped in for months.

Osamu’s apartment looms above you, and the idea of putting on a friendly mask, even for someone who you want to be friendly with, exhausts you. Hopefully you can get your keys and leave.

You need to be alone, you are alone. Your friends are worrying about you, concerned for you. You are a burden. For all you know your friendship with Oikawa is shattered. You don’t deserve his friendship.

The dark thoughts pick up speed, spinning around and around and around. You feel yourself getting lost in them.

Hajime would know how to help. He would always bring you into the light. He is your light.

Standing in front of Osamu’s door (how did I get here?) you use an embarrassing amount of energy to lift your hand and knock. It doesn’t take long for Osamu to open the door. His calm look is quickly replaced with genuine concern.

Fuck, now he’s worried about you.

“Sorry, I’ll just get my keys.” Your voice warbles, much to your humiliation and shame.

Osamu holds open the door wordlessly and you walk back into the apartment. You spot your keys on the counter. You walk in front of them and stop.

They’re your keys - the black heart keychain is heavy and “able to do serious damage,” as Hajime once said. He got it for you, back in the summer after high school.

He was always creative with the gifts he gave you. Even with something as small as a keychain you knew he put in time and effort and love into them.

If there was one person who you could depend on, it was Hajime.

Tears well in your eyes. You don’t ever seem to be in short supply of them.

Is this my life? You wonder. Am I ever going to feel normal again? Am I ever going to be okay?

You tell yourself to lift your arm, grab your keys, and leave. Leave Osamu alone, don’t burden him with your mess of feelings and your thoughts.

“Y/N?” Through the screaming swirl of thoughts in your head you hear Osamu call your name, and through the watery film in your eyes you see Osamu looking at you.

Leave, you have to leave now.

“I should-” you croak out. You can’t finish your sentence, you don’t know how to finish your sentence. Your brain is malfunctioning, error codes flashing like a broken computer.

Processing error, malfunctioning error, human error.

Error, error, broken, broken.

Only Hajime could fix you.

And he’s dead.

You stare at Osamu, and burst into tears.

Like a damn bursting, the sobs fall from your mouth, unrelenting. You curl into yourself, trying to ebb the flow. It’s pointless, as you are broken. You cannot be fixed.

It hurts, it hurts so much.

Harsh cries rattle your body, rip through your throat and spill out into the serenity of Osamu’s apartment.

Hajime, I miss you.

The ache in your heart flares white hot. It burns and hurts and just adds to your growing pile of misery.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you’re embarrassed that you’re having this intense emotional release in Osamu’s apartment - it's not the first time you’ve cried like this but it is the first time doing it in front of a friend. But you can’t gather yourself to apologize or try to escape. You’re stuck, standing in the apartment crying.

A hand comes to rest on your back. Your turn, finding Osamu standing next to you. He rubs his hand on your back in a soothing, comforting motion. His eyes are full of concern but also something akin to reassurance.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs gently. His hand is rubbing up and down, and you feel subdued by the unseen motion. You feel your aching pain diminish with every stroke down your back, but the tears are relentless.

There must be something wrong with you that you can’t even be comforted properly. If the tears won’t stop when someone says “it’s okay” what does that say about you?

Broken, broken.

You turn into Osamu, seeking comfort that is wasted on you. Your head finds relief on his shoulder. You feel him guiding you to the couch and gently sitting you down. Your hands stay clutched in his shirt and you sob into his shoulder. Once sitting you feel the hand on your back drift to your shoulders, while his hand gently guides your head to the crook of his neck.

“It’s alright,” he says softly. “‘M here, it’s okay.”

His gentleness just makes you cry harder and you can’t help but lean further into him. He lets you sit against him, crying through the piercing pain stabbing at your heart, howling against the constant misery in your soul. He lets you come undone and offers you words of comfort and a shoulder to cry on.

“‘M here,” Osamu murmurs into your ear. “It’s okay.”

It’s such a loaded phrase - it’s okay. Everyone and their grandmother tried telling you that when Hajime died. It’s okay. You wanted to ask ‘what’s okay? NOTHING about this is okay.’

Your face scrunches up as you cry, knowing you are so far from okay that it would take a miracle to get back.

“It’s okay Y/N, it’s alright.”

It’s funny, hearing this reassurance from Osamu. Because he knows, more than the average person, how not okay everything is. For him and for you. And yet, it seems to be his go-to phrase right now.

“It’s okay.”

He’s not telling you “it’s okay so you should feel better.” His reminder allows you to grieve, to feel how not okay everything is. And feeling that pain is okay.

So you cry and cry, leaning on Osamu as you fall apart.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: Congratulations, you've made it through one of the heaviest chapters in the entire story. :( Y/N is going through extraordinary times right now, the cumulation of the past weeks' events finally catching up. I hope if anyone reading this is going through any similar situations you can find someone like Osamu to help you through them. 💖

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