#he definitely wants his supe costume back

[luckytiggertalia]

I like to imagine he was put up to this because Stan Edgar thought a Seven-Inspired Suit Collaboration with (insert brand) with The Seven as models was an amazing idea

Inspired by @blindmagdalena's reply to an ask!

[tom-whore-dleston]

Denial and Devotion

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x f. reader

Word Count: 880

This fic contains: preludes to smut, implied smut, amnesia, mentions of squirting and fingering, reader was a Soldier Boy fangirl (like me fr xD), toxic celebrity culture?

Summary: You are in denial that you slept with the Supe you used to crush on.

Notes: I'm just a girl that writes Soldier Boy fanfic at 2am knowing damn well I have work at 9am flksdghk this gif replays in my brain every waking moment of the day I literally hate how hot he is >:( This is my weekly contribution to @flashfictionfridayofficial’s prompt no. 241: Hour of Denial

The moment you rose from your slumber, you knew something was wrong. First off, you woke up in a room that you did not recognize. Then, you realized the cotton sheets of the unfamiliar bed clung close to your bare skin as if you had slept in it before. 

You attempted to lift yourself out the bed, but your muscles were weak, soreness more prominent in your hips and thighs. As you winced in discomfort, your eyes widened upon the discolored love bites scattered over your body. Your eyes finally glanced to the opposite side of the bed, only to discover the person occupying it was none other than Soldier Boy.

When you were younger, Soldier Boy was your first crush. At the time, he was presumed dead, but your father would tell you stories about how he was one of the greatest superheroes to ever live. Your childhood room was covered in Soldier Boy posters and you had a doll of him that never left the box. As you got older, you conducted more research on the man you worshiped, but eventually learned that he was a monster in a superhero costume. As a result, you ripped the posters to shreds and finessed some cash off the doll in hopes to erase any trace of your Soldier Boy phase. 

You stared in disbelief at the same man that lay peacefully asleep. Your mind raced with questions. The only logical answer to all of them was that you were dreaming. To test the theory, you pinched your forearm as hard as you could. After cursing from the pain, you tried another method by poking Soldier Boy in his meaty bicep. Without fluttering his eyes open, he grunted in annoyance and rolled over. 

If your head wasn’t already spinning, it definitely was at this very moment. You slithered out of the bed, making sure not to disturb the sleeping man, and frantically searched for your clothes. In a hurried attempt, you shimmied back into your little black dress from the night before. Regardless of whether this was all a dream or not, you silently vowed that you are remaining sober for the rest of the month. 

“Where you going so fast, sweetheart?” You turned toward the groggy voice that belonged to Soldier Boy, who was propped up against the bed frame with his muscular torso in view. It felt as if no time had passed since the beginning stages of your devotion to Soldier Boy. Your eyes scanned over his physique with a hunger that only he could satisfy. Heat radiated your body and you stood paralyzed in your unzipped dress, leaving enough uncovered for his imagination to run wild.

As Soldier Boy hopped out of bed, you swiftly turned away as his thick cock unveiled from the thin sheets. He began walking towards you, but you ignored him by fiddling with the zipper on your back. You grew frustrated with the zipper’s defiance the closer the beefy supe inched towards you. His intense stare begged for your attention until he took matters into his own hands by lifting your chin up to his gaze. Your heart pounded against your chest as his green eyes studied your face. Except there was no studying necessary.

“I’m a little embarrassed by this,” you laughed nervously, “but I don’t remember anything from last night.”

Soldier Boy smirked. “Want me to give you a reminder?”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary.” You paused. You may not have been as infatuated with the supe as much as you once were, but you didn’t want to come off as rude. “I mean…I’m sure last night was great but I shouldn’t impose-“

“Great? Well if you define squirting on my fingers and cock until you begged me to stop as great then maybe I gotta fuck you harder.” 

You were about to let out a moan, but quickly masked it with a sigh. Every part of you wanted to hate him but the ache in between your legs betrayed your voice of reason.

“You can play the ex-fangirl game all you want, but you and I know you never truly get over your first crush.” There wasn’t a more pathetic feeling than regressing back into that naive girl who treated a flawed superhero like a god. 

Suddenly, your back hit the wall and Soldier Boy towered over you, his arm the only thing keeping him from pressing you against the wall to grind into your core. His free hand hooked under the strap of your dress, slowly pulling it off your shoulder. As the dress pooled around your feet, he lightly kissed the crook of your neck, electricity coursing your blood as his beard pricked your skin.

His hot breath fanned over your ear. “There’s no need to deny me anymore, sweetheart. I’m here for you to worship and fulfill all your pretty little fantasies.”

Fuck it.

All your common sense flew out the window as you desperately smashed your lips against his. Gripping your wrists, he pinned you against the wall before grinding his semi hard cock against your wet pussy. 

Soldier Boy may have been the biggest pain in your ass, literally and figuratively, but he was right about you never fully recovering from your first crush.

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header credit: @saradika | divider credit: @firefly-in-darkness

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Obsessed with Homelander

Y/N wanted to fuck Homelander so bad, it was pathetic. The others were very confused on why anyone would wanna fuck him, given the things he’s done and how he acts. Did Y/N even know the things he’s done? They wouldn’t put it past her given how dumb she was at times. 

There was a meeting that the seven were having that was kind of important. It was about the Supe Terrorists and how they needed to stop em’. Homelander was ranting on about it and Y/N just stared at him like he was the whole world to her. He was to her and himself. “You’re so beautiful.” She accidentally blurted out. She looked around and the others stared at her with a weird look. “When I’m talking, no one else is to be.” He said with anger. “Sorry, Daddy.” She said and looked down at her lap. The others’ weird looks didn’t go away. Homelander looked at the girl with wide eyes. 

Y/N would constantly bring him gifts. (Food, Milk) She knew that he had a milk obsession but it wasn’t because she stalked him…or anything. She handed him the gallon of Milk with a smile. He took it from her, very confused on how she knew that he loved Milk. She leaned down and whispered in his ear. “You know..If you make me a mommy you could have milk anytime you wanted.” His face got so red after that. He hated that she would say stuff like that to him before meetings. 

On Halloween Y/N would dress up like him, just to impress him. Though she went the more skankier route. She had a very sexy two piece with a cape, boots and gloves. It was his exact outfit, just a slutty version. His jaw dropped as he saw her walking around Vought like that. She wasn’t in her costume but was in one that resembled his. She walked up to him. “You know..If you fuck me right now, you’d basically be fucking yourself just as a woman.” She winked. 

Starlight and Maeve tried telling her that Homelander was dangerous and that she did in fact not want to fuck him. It wasn’t a good idea. She didn’t listen and ended up sending him pictures of herself nude just to see if that would get his attention. He did but it also made everything a lot worse. “Y/N i’m flattered that you have an obsession with me, really I am. But you can’t send me nude pictures of yourself and whisper dirty things in my ear.” He would tell her. He lied to her and told her he doesn’t fuck other members of the seven. She said she would leave but he told her No.

Stormfront came along and Y/N realized that he was lying to her. She felt hurt and sad that he couldn’t just tell her No but lie to her instead. What did Stormfront have that she didn’t? Stormfront knew that Y/N had an obsession with him, thanks to Homelander and always had to tease her or show off the fact that Homelander wanted her more. Y/N watched as Stormfront would kiss him and basically fuck him right infront of her. She would just storm away, mad. Stormfront would smirk.

Homelander noticed that Y/N was quiet during meetings and didn’t hit on him. He was confused and definitely missed it. She barely even looked at him which annoyed him. He realized that he liked having her all over him and hated that she wasn’t. He would roll his eyes anytime StormFront tried to rub whatever they had in her face. “Stop doing that.” He would tell her. “The poor girl gets it.” StormFront was offended. “What, Do you like her or something?” StormFront asked him. He didn’t answer her, causing her to go away. 

When all the nazi shit about StormFront came out and the girls teamed up on her, Y/N really kicked her ass. She didn’t like the bitch from the start. Homelander saw that Y/N was using all her powers and abilities on StormFront. She really didn’t hold back. “You got some nerve.” He growled at her. She huffed and rolled her eyes. “Oh my god Homelander, I’m right here waiting for you, always have been. You don’t need that Nazi loving skank. I’ve been here the whole time.” She would yell back at him. 

His hips pounded into hers, not caring who walked in. She was so loud, her moans and whines were so loud but he loved it. His name fell off her lips over and over again. “I’ve waited so long for this moment.” She whined. “Just to have you inside of me.” He could cum at what she was saying to him. Having someone actually obsessed with him and want him in every way shape or form was great. He was moaning himself at her tight pussy squeezing him. “I love the way you treat me like i’m your world. It’s so hot.” He whined. “You are my world, John. Always have been, always will be.” She moaned. Her calling him by his real name was so hot and making him twitch. “I want you to cum for me John. I want you to fill me up and make me carry your baby.” She managed to say to him. He whined and groaned as he came. She came right after, moaning his name. “Just so you know, you’re mine now.” He whispered in her ear. “I’ve always been yours, John.”

[amostimprobabledream]

Stardust in my eyes (Homelander x Reader)

Also available on Ao3: stardust in my eyes - UnluckyAmulet - The Boys (TV 2019) [Archive of Our Own]

Sometimes, working for Vought just gets to be too goddamn much. Which is why that fateful day, you and a couple of friends had gone to get lunch and in the corner of the canteen for worker bee drones, things went from gossiping about random drama between colleagues to playing an oldie but goldie. You and your friend Claire had been playing Smash or Pass for the past ten minutes and you'd gone through damn nearly every person you knew at work. Obviously, it was all good fun, and you were being careful not to be too loud about it, but as you picked at your lunch, Claire decided to up the ante a bit. Now, it was Smash or Pass: Supe edition. Specifically, you were talking about the Seven. You’d already done A-train and Starlight, both of which you’d said Pass to, while Claire said Smash to both. "Okay, so how about...The Deep?" she said. You made a face. "Ew. Pass." "How come?" "Firstly, he smells of fish.” You say, slurping on your drink. “Like, constantly. Secondly, I heard a rumour he made an intern cry because he was rubbing his crotch against her ass on the elevator ride up, so yeah, no. If I wanted a fucking creep, I could go to any dive bar in the city." “Ew, I didn’t know that last thing.” Claire says, making a face. “Okay, fine, I’m changing my answer to pass too.” You snort, and she points at you. “Hey, don’t judge me! It’s not my fault you’re so picky you’ve said no to like everyone.” "I'm not picky, I'm selective." you counter. "It's not my fault you'd let the Seven pass you around like a Christmas present." Claire scoffs but she can't argue - she's said Smash to way more people than you have, not just Supes or co-workers. "Queen Maeve?" "Pass." "What?!" Claire shrieks. "Why?!" "Because unlike you, I don't have a mommy kink." you say, rolling your eyes. "I dunno, she's not my type. Plus, she always acts so damn bored by everything - she'd probably just expect you to get her off and then kick you out of bed and play fucking Candy Crush or something. No thanks, I don't want to do all the hard work." "Okay, okay...what about Homelander?" You pause.

Okay, that one isn't quite so simple. The Deep, A-Train, Starlight and Queen Maeve were all a fairly straightforward "no" and you haven't gotten to Black Noir yet, but somehow the answer eludes you. Homelander seems so far removed from normal human with their normal, squishy desires that it's difficult to even imagine having sex with him. You're sure you've never seen him out of that costume of his, either. But you're definitely considering it... "You're taking way too long to answer~" Claire singsongs. "Don’t tell me you’ve got a boner for that sexy cape?” "Firstly, shut up. And secondly, yeah, okay, he's attractive but like..." you paused as you try to organise your thoughts, wondering what made you hesitate, except for the whole 'Almighty symbol of America who can shoot lasers from his eyes' thing. "I kinda feel like I'd be getting it on with someone's dad?" You had no idea how old Homelander was, only that he was definitely older than you. Plus, there was his vaguely patriarchal vibe when he addressed the adoring public, like he was steering them onto the right path or something. Not that you exactly opposed to sleeping with older men, per se, but you’d prefer to know how much older somebody was first.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Claire says thoughtfully, chewing on her sandwich as you both stand up to toss your wrappers away and get back to work. “There’s something a little fake about him. And he probably says ‘God bless America’ when he comes or something.” You nearly spit out the last of your soda, and bubbles go up your nose, which makes you hack and cough from an effort of not cackling, pounding your fist on your chest. “Fucking hell, you’re the worst!” you say, giving her arm a playful shove. She smirks and shrugs. “Just being honest. Anyway, we’re not done playing yet. Black Noir?" You think about it. "Smash." ~ You were about to head back to your desk with Claire when Ashley suddenly comes clacking up to you both with her usual harried expression on her face. Some days you feel like she's maybe a hair's breadth away from having a nervous breakdown, and you'd nearly feel bad for her if she wasn't so annoying. You can't pretend you haven't seen her, either, because she calls your name. You make a face at Claire, then turn to Ashley as she approaches. "Hey! I'm glad I caught you. Listen, the Seven have a meeting later on this afternoon but I don’t have time to put their itinerary in the meeting room, can you do it and just make sure everything looks presentable before then?” You suppress the flicker of irritation - what do you look like, a Janitor? "Uh, sure, I guess. It's just the desks, right?" "Yeah, everything else has been taken care of!" Ashley says, looking a little calmer at confirming that nearly every other matter is all perfectly sorted and pencilled into her little schedule. "Thanks so much!" She goes clicking off and you exchange a confused glance with Claire. "That was weird. Why did she ask you specifically?" Claire said. "I have no idea, but at least it'll only take me like five minutes." you sigh. "I'll be back soon." ~

The conference room is so fucking big that you take a second to just stand there and gawk at the panoramic view of the city through the windows, before you snap to attention. You don't want to linger in here - even if you're just here to straighten up the table before the Supes get here for whatever big important meeting they have. You still think it's weird Ashley told you to do it, and it feels even odder to be in here alone. Like you're trespassing. "Let's just get this over with..." you mutter to yourself, crossing the room and beginning to put the piles of papers on each table, starting from Starlight's seat and working your way around. After a few minutes you relax. It's even a little nice, getting a couple of moments away from everyone else. Vought is a massive office building but there's nowhere to be really alone - people are always sneaking out the fire escapes for a smoke, the toilets have gossiping employees, the canteen full of people with differing lunch shifts, etc. There's always a buzz, always endless humming in the background. You've compared the place to a beehive before for good reason. You're just about done, wondering if by doing this, Ashley was testing you or something - maybe she wanted to see you could be trusted in here, and now you've basically finished, you've passed and she might think about putting in a good word for you to the higher-ups, when a voice damn near give you a heart attack: "Lost in thought?" You shriek and drop the handful of papers you were holding. When you look around, the Homelander is standing there. You didn't even hear him come in. For a minute you're so startled you just stare at him - it's like seeing a snow leopard, something impossibly exotic and rare, and the fact he's even talking to you is even more of a surprise. Your heart is pounding loudly in your chest, and you wonder if he can hear it - he's smiling like you've just told a good joke. "Oh, Homelander!" you say, because it's what he tells all the staff they should call him, pressing a hand to your chest. "You scared me. Um, I can leave, I'm pretty much done here." His familiar smile only widens, and he gestures with a flick of his wrist. "Don't let me stop you. Might as well finish up what you came to do, right?" You awkwardly smile in response, unsure of what else to say, and go to grab the papers you dropped, blood rushing through your ears. You're hyperaware of him in the room, where he rightfully belongs, while you just wound up here because Ashley needed somebody to do some last-second grunt work. When you put the stack of files on Black Noir's desk and pointlessly straighten them, Homelander speaks again, pacing a little closer. "You know...you should probably be a little more careful about what you talk about with your friends while you're in the building." You freeze. Oh shit. "I mean...I guess you had no way of knowing who was listening, but...well, let's just say, it was pretty hard not to tune in, you know?" Oh my god. You went to melt through the floor. You straighten up to watch Homelander, who has an expression that's slightly chiding but amused, like you're a little kid who's learned a new swear word or something. He doesn't seem angry, but the thought he overheard you and Claire paying fucking Smash or Pass is enough to ignite your anxiety like a spark to gunpowder. "I-"

"I gotta say, you're not wrong about The Deep - he does fucking stink of fish," Homelander says conspiratorially. "Your little friend didn't seem to mind that, but she said Smash to nearly everyone. You though - you didn't seem interested in anyone besides Black Noir - I'll have to let him know, I don't think he's seeing anyone right now. Though who fucking knows, with that guy?" You feel like it's probably not the time to point out you did also admit you thought he was hot. You've got to do some damage control, here. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean - I wouldn't have said that if I didn't think it was being overheard." you blurt out hurriedly. This is a disaster. You want to strangle Claire, the fucking game was her dumb idea in the first place, she's the one who should be getting told off by Homelander, not you! "It- it was just a stupid game to pass the time." He cocks his head. "Was it?"

"I mean...it's not like...you're not..." you say, babbling like a fucking lunatic, doing anything you can to backpedal out of this. This has to be a dream - a fucked-up one. "You guys are Supes, so it's a totally moot point anyway! I-You- you were dating Queen Maeve until recently, right? It's not like you'd want to...I mean, we're just normal people and you're..." "Oh, I don't know about that." Homelander says, his tone almost jaunty, stepping a little closer. His hands are tucked behind his back, which makes you nervous, because you can't tell what he's going to do with them. "Let's see what we're working with here. Turn around." "What?" you splutter. "Go on." Homelander says, making a circular motion with his finger. "Do a spin for me." You feel queasy, like you need to go pop an antacid tablet, but what can you do? If he wanted to, he could well have you fired. Or chased out of town. Or maybe even deported. Who knows? You'd probably deserve it, to be honest - what the hell were you thinking, letting Claire rope you into that stupid Smash or Pass game?! Of course, you had no idea he was in the building at the time and could hear you, but still! Slowly you turn all the way around, aware of Homelander's eyes on you the entire time, heart pounding in your chest. When you turn back to him, his head is tilted slightly, mouth parted like he was about to say something. "Huh." was all that came out.

You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from demanding to know what 'huh' means. Unfortunately for you, he decides to share. "You know...the dress code for you people isn't very flattering, is it?" he muses. "I hadn't thought about it before. But you...huh. I think you've got a lot more going on under there." He gestures at you, a kind of 'go on' hand movement. "Take it off." It's not a suggestion, it's an order. A command. Your face prickles with shame, unable to quite grasp this is actually happening to you. And from Homelander - Mr. America himself. You're naive to be so shocked - around here, he may get treated like a god, but he's still just a man. "Go on." Homelander says, smiling, and you can't stop looking at those prominent canines. "Show me." You can't procrastinate further, lest he get impatient enough to strip you himself, or even worse, laser off your clothes or something. He probably wouldn't be overly bothered if he scorched your skin too, and the thought makes you sick. He could just use his X-ray vision if he wanted to, but that's not what this is. This is a punishment and you'd be stupid to make it any worse for yourself. You'll be lucky if you walk out of this room with your job. Your fingers shake as you unbutton your shirt and you keep peeking anxious glances at Homelander, but it's impossible to read his mood just by looking at him - his expression could be anything, bored or annoyed or merely waiting. It's eerie. He says nothing as you drop your shirt on the ground - you don't quite dare put it on the table or one of the chairs, so you're just grateful you know for a fact the floor has been vacuumed recently. But you can feel his never-wavering gaze on you like a weight as you keep going. You're down to your underwear and bend down to unzip your boots when he finally says something. "No, leave those."

You straighten up hurriedly, even though you really don't want to. This is beyond humiliating - America's golden boy is seeing you in just a bra and panties, for fuck's sake. They don't even match. Your face is burning and a squirming sensation writhes in the pit of your stomach, like you're about to pass out or puke or both. Homelander prowls around you like a lion, taking in everything from all angles, and you have to ball your hands into fists to stop yourself from covering yourself with your arms. You don't think you've ever felt so naked before, even if you're still technically clothed. His boots click as he comes to a stop right behind you. "You're shaking." Homelander mocks you, his breath hot on your neck. You can feel the heat of him right behind you, like you're standing right in front of a sun lamp. "Yeah," you say in one breath, even though you didn't think he was looking for a verbal response. He spins you around to face him, his grip bruisingly strong on your upper arms. He's smiling like he's won something, and his eyes slide down to your tits, eyelashes casting tiny shadows across his cheeks. "Yeah," he says softly, more to himself than you. "I'd fuck you." The words barely have time to register in your shellshocked brain before he's on you. His hand tangles in your hair to jerk your head back and you let out a squeak of pain, but it's muffled by his mouth on your, hot and vicious and unyielding. There's nothing tender about the kiss - he kisses you like he wants to devour you, a growl in the back of his throat that honest-to-god make your knees buckle. He's not shy about feeling you up either, hands roaming over your body like it’s a toy that he’s just ripped the wrapping paper off of, manhandling you however he wants and all you can really do is go with it, heart pounding like a goddamn jackhammer. This has gotten so out of hand so quickly that it’s dizzying trying to make sense of any of it. …So why is a little part of you enjoying this? Just why is there a wet patch pooling at the crotch of your panties and your skin erupting in tingles wherever he touches you? He snaps your bra open, ruining the clasp, and wastes no time in fondling your tits, the material dragging over your sensitive skin breaking them out in goosebumps. They’re fucking soft against his palms, hands that have killed, killed and killed again, but here he is massaging your tits like they’re priceless objects. He lowers his face and runs his tongue over them, and you nearly collapse right then and there – it’s like a fucking livewire pressed straight to your skin. He hums in approval at how responsive you are, teasing your nipples with the pads of his thumbs. Apparently Homelander is a tits guy – that’s definitely never come up in any interviews before. Why are you finding yourself so fucking humiliated and wanting him to do more? Knowing you can’t do anything to stop him? Homelander pulls back for air and slowly swipes his tongue across his bottom lip – the taste of your lipgloss lingers, something sweet that makes him hard, dick pressing against his suit. You stare back at him, caught in the fragile place between lust and disgust. He likes that look on you, hair all messed up, pupils blown wide until there’s barely any iris left, just a thin circle of colour wrapped around blackness, and your lips look red-raw and swollen from his rough mouth. He smirks. “Don’t tell me you’re enjoying this,” he teases, sliding a hand down to your hip and squeezing. “You like getting ordered around, huh? Like being told what to do?” He doesn’t give you time to confirm or deny it – a second later he’s casually shoving his hand into your underwear, smirking as your mouth drops open in disbelief, his fingertips teasing against your slit. It drives a moan from your mouth, and he grins, holding you in place with his free hand, like he knows you’re tempted to bolt.

“You’re so fuckin’ wet,” he hisses, plunging his fingers deeper inside your cunt and you gasp, making a pointless grab at his arm – to steady yourself, to get your bearings, you don’t know. “I think you were lying before – Pass, my ass. I’ve barely touched you and you’re soaked. Do you go home and fuck yourself thinking about me?”

“Homelander…” you moan, you can’t help it. Your head is swimming and his fingers are so thick and he’s relentless, pushing and pushing you without a care in the world about what might happen. Whether it’ll break you or not.

“Go on,” he whispers, working his fingers in and out of you, clamping you to his chest with an arm around your back so he can watch the emotions flashing across your face like his own personal picture show. “Say my name.” “Nn- Homelander!” “Louder.” “Homelander!” And then, as it starts to get fucking unbearable, the intoxicating fog blanketing your brain rendering you unable to concentrate on anything else, when you’re gonna fucking cum all over his fingers, he stops. Pulls his hand free. Your expression drops, surprise and outrage making your eyes snap to him. “Wha-?” “Didn’t think it’d be that easy, did you?” he all but purrs, clearly taking deep amusement in your bewilderment. “You fucking desperate little slut. You’ll come with I say you can.” He makes a show of wiping his slick-coated glove off on the back of The Deep’s chair, before he looks back down at you and something in his gaze makes you stand stock-still, a classic prey response to being stared at by a predator. “Now,” he says, and there’s no forced geniality in his voice anymore, his tone not far away from being a growl. “What was it I said a minute ago?”

Oh, jesus christ. You think, which you’re pretty sure wasn’t what he was aiming for. “Aah, yeah, I remember now,” he says, nodding. “I said I’d fuck you.” The room spins as he abruptly grabs you and aggressively turns you round, and next thing you know you’re bent forwards over the very desk you’d just spent the last fifteen minutes tidying – he only needs one hand pressing down on your back to hold you down. You hear his ragged breathing and the sound of his belt being loosened, and you squeak as he yanks down your underwear like he’s personally offended by them – you’re sure you hear something rip – and he’s back against you, so hot it’s like a furnace and oh shit, wait, he’s going in raw?! You grab pointlessly at what’s in front of you, papers crumpling in your sweaty fists. He does not go gentle as he thrusts into you and all you can do is make a strangulated keening noise – he’s so thick, filling you up and stretching you out. You bury your face into your forearms, muffling your gasps and squeaking against your skin because the noises he’s driving from you are making you want to combust with embarrassment. Not that he can’t hear them anyway – he’s made the fact he has superhearing more than plain, after all. But he can’t help finding it endearing you’d even bother to try hiding it – like anybody would dare walk in and interrupt him right now. Not after he specifically told Ashley to keep everyone away from the meeting room while he dealt with you. “Fuck, you’re tight…” Homelander growls as he thrusts into you, his own words being drowned out by moaning of his own. “So fuckin’…” You stare at the doors across from you, terrified somebody’s going to come in and see you like this, getting fucked by Homelander like a bitch in heat – he hasn’t even taken off his gloves but here you are, only the straps of your bra and a pair of over-the-knee boots covering you. Homelander removes the hand from your back and grips your hips with enough force that you yelp in pain – it’s nothing close to what he could really do, but you know you’re going to have hand-shaped marks there later. Not that you care much with how he’s fucking you with total abandon now, and each stroke of his cock drives you closer and closer to your breaking point and you cling onto the table with one hand like it’s going to help you somehow. “Still feel like you’re fuckin’ someone’s dad?” Homelander taunts you as his thrusts start to get sloppier, more erratic, and you groan to have your words thrown back at you. “No, no, Homelander, I- “ He pinches your clit and rolls it between his fingertips, and you keen out loud, nearly sobbing with pleasure and pain at the same time. Your head is buzzing with the stimulation, trapped between so many sensations, terror of getting caught, of getting so close to relief, panic that he’ll go too far and break something, of what he’ll do with you when he’s finished… “No, no,” he chides you, clicking his tongue like you’ve given him the wrong answer in a quiz. “Call me daddy, if that’s how you see me.” Is he serious? You have no idea if he means it or if he’s just being a bastard, but a particularly hard thrust that actually nudges both you and the table forwards has you saying it anyway, babbling like a lunatic. “Sorry- agh- daddy, fuck, that feels so good-!” “Thassit…nnh…I’m gonna…fuck you full of my cum…” he pants and it sends a bizarre buzz of pride through you that you managed to make a Supe short of breath. “And you’re gonna take all of it, aren’t you? Take all of my cum…”

Like you have a choice, since he didn’t bother to put any protection on. But you’re too lost in your own orgasm to care, the force of it rendering you utterly blissed out, too busy riding that glorious, tingling high to care much about anything else going on, even if you can’t ignore the hot, sticky flood as he comes, and fuck there’s so much of it, how are you going to go back to work like this?? Homelander makes a sound between a groan and a snarl as he comes and you know you’ll be hearing that noise in your dreams.

Finally, it stops. For a moment neither of you move or speak, except for panting breaths, and you want to look behind you to see what mood he’s in now, but you don’t quite dare. He moves away and you slump onto the floor, because you’d really rather not have your naked ass just there on display across the table. You feel blindly across the floor for your skirt and tug it on as Homelander tucks himself back into his suit and sniffs once, swiping a hand through his hair. You can’t find your fucking underwear, you realise with a stab of panic – he must have literally ripped them straight off you, so you wouldn’t be able to put them back on anyway, so you just shove your arms through your shirt and try in vain to button it with trembling fingers.

“Tell Ashley the room’s ready now,” Homelander says, and his voice is impersonal, like he’s done nothing more than take care of some trivial order of business. You can only nod and get to your feet, wobbly as a newborn deer. Homelander smirks as he watches you from the side of his eye, you look so pathetic and off-balance he’s almost tempted to fuck you again, but he does have work to get back to. You’re off the hook – for now. When you get to the doors, you pause and look back at him. It would probably be better to just leave with whatever semblance of dignity you still have intact, but you have to ask him.

"Um...do I... I mean like...I still have a job, right?" you hedge nervously. "What?" Homelander glances over at you laughs, like this is the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard. "Did you think I was going to hand you your fucking notice?" Yes? No? You had no idea what he was going to do. But you just shrug, because it seems safer than speaking. He scoffs and gives his head a shake, but his gaze drags down your body and your stomach clenches again, despite what’s just happened. “Run along and get back to work like a good girl,” he says softly, but loud enough you can hear every word just fine. “I think we’ll be seeing each other again real soon.” You can’t muster a response to that, so you just nod and hurry out, trying your utmost not to break into a run, lest he be tempted to give chase. You pass a mirror on your way down the corridor and the sight makes you freeze. You look like you’ve been mauled by a wild animal, and you can smell Homelander’s cologne all over you. You probably reek of sex. You’re not sure how far that is from the truth, to be honest. Hopefully you can make it to the toilets on this floor without anybody seeing you and tidy yourself up a bit – you can’t go back to your desk like this. And you can only hope to god nobody finds your discarded panties in there because Ashley would likely figure out how and why they got there. At least I still have my job. You think, even if you know it will never be the same now – you’ll never be able to look at Homelander, or any of his posters or action figures or T-shirts – without thinking about his hands on you, of him watching you strip with that hungry look on his face, ever again. Maybe it will fade in time, maybe not. Maybe Homelander has fucked half the people in the building on equally flimsy pretenses, or you could be the first time he’s indulged himself like this. He might forget all about you, or you could forever be known as ‘that mouthy assistant I fucked once’. You have no idea.

And that’s maybe the scariest thing of all – not knowing what comes next. ~ Meanwhile, Homelander stands in the meeting room, awaiting the rest of the Seven to enter. In his hand he toys with the now-ruined pair of underwear you’d had on earlier – you were so fucked out you hadn’t even him notice him swipe them off the floor. He’ll hang onto them as a…souvenir, if you will.

His superhearing picks up the sounds of the others approaching, and he turns, plastering on a smile as he approaches his desk. A tongue swipes across his bottom lip, a lingering taste of that sweet flavour – cinnamon or butterscotch, something that reminds him of dessert – only sealing your fate further.

After all, when you get a taste of something like that, why wouldn’t you go back for a second bite?

[justjensenanddean]

The Boys: How Jensen Ackles’ Soldier Boy “Shakes Things Up” in Season 3

After a lifetime of battling demons on Supernatural, Jensen Ackles is prepared the assume Soldier Boy's shield on The Boys season 3.

Jensen Ackles has been flirting with superherodom his entire career.

The Texas-born actor first became well known to TV audiences thanks to a handful of superhero adjacent roles in the early 2000s. First he portrayed super soldier Alec McDowell a.k.a. X5-494 on Fox’s ahead-of-its-time Dark Angel and then acted opposite none other than Superman as Lana Lang’s love interest Jason Teague on Smallville. He would go on to voice Jason Todd in animated film Batman: Under the Red Hood and the Dark Knight himself in Batman: The Long Halloween.

Of course, that’s not even to mention his most iconic role – that of the demon-hunting Dean Winchester on Supernatural, who alongside his brother Sam  was only a costume and grandiose name away from being a comic book supe.

With the arrival of The Boys season 3, however, Ackles is finally doing this superhero thing properly. Not only is he donning the mask, body armor, and shield of a superhero, he’s doing so as the very first superhero. In the continuity of The Boys, Soldier Boy was the Vought Corporation’s initial attempt at creating a superhuman. Think of him as the company’s version of Captain America, only with a harder edge.

In advance of The Boys season 3’s premiere on June 3, Ackles was nice enough to chat with Den of Geek about becoming Soldier Boy, working with Supernatural‘s Erick Kripke again, and the finer points of beard maintenance.

Read our Q&A with Ackles below and stay tuned for more exclusive details about The Boys season 3 later today.

Den of Geek: How did you convince your old Supernatural boss Eric Kripke to let you join The Boys’ team?

Jensen Ackles: I called him regarding something completely unrelated, and I think I closed the phone call with, “Hey Eric, when are you going to bring me over to The Boys? I want to kick some ass or something. Blow a dolphin, I don’t know, whatever they’re doing over there. Maybe I could help [The Deep] with some water park shit.” And he said, “That’s interesting, let me think about that.” We had a few more conversations, and that led to this.

I thought that was very apropos, coming right out of 15 years of a previous Eric Kripke world and diving right into another one. That had happened just before season two, and so I had seen season one. After watching season two and knowing Kripke the way that I do, I knew that he would just continue to level up. So I got very nervous at that point and I was like, “Oh great, what have I signed on for?”

What can you tell us about your character Soldier Boy?

He’s kind of the original superhero in this particular world, and we did get to see a little glimpse into that past. That was really fun to play and to dive into a bit. Obviously, bringing somebody who has experienced that world into the modern age, you can imagine, it was very similar to Grandpa still being around. What would he think of someone like Homelander or someone like Butcher? It was really fun to play an old man, so to speak. I’ve got to be honest, the beard was tough, though. I’ve never had more products for anything in my life than I had for that fuzz on my chin. But it was an interesting addition to what they already had, chemistry wise, in the super world. It was digging up this relic, essentially, and adding him back into the mix. It definitely shakes things up for season three.

What’s it like being The Boys’ answer to Captain America and being a man unstuck in time?

This ties a lot into the Soldier Boy storyline of this throwback to the old guard, essentially, and these people who have been sent out to pasture get wrangled up and sent back into the fray. It’s interesting, because it was never something that I thought about in watching season one or season two, that there would be an old guard, that these people do kind of age out of being in the spotlight. I thought that that was a really interesting commentary on society and on a lot of the entertainment industry as a whole. It’s like you have a peak, and then if you’re lucky, you can sustain that peak for as long as you possibly can, but I think that was a really interesting commentary on this superhero world, that you kind of get aged out and you get forgotten.

What can you tell us about Soldier Boy’s old crime-fighting team, Payback?

I thought they all did a fantastic job. [Payback] is all about: “What about us? Don’t forget about us. We’re still valid, right? We’re still here, we still have powers.” It’s like, “Yeah, but you’re old news. You’re not in the news cycle right now, nobody cares about you.” And that was an interesting take. Again: it goes to Kripke and his team, of just finding a way to have a commentary on such relevant things that are going on currently.

The world of The Boys is a big one and known for filming a lot of extra material for AR marketing purposes. Did you get to participate in any “extracurriculars” like that?

Not to give anything away, but there’s some old footage of Soldier Boy that we see on TV. Creating that content that we see, we didn’t just shoot a couple of seconds, which is probably all we see [in the show], we shot the whole thing. We did the entire story, which is insane to me, because it’s days of filming. Phil Sgriccia, who is somebody who I’ve a long relationship with—he was on Supernatural and now he’s on The Boys—when he showed up and he was like, “I got you for the next week,” I knew we were going to have a lot of fun. I was also like, “What are we doing this for?” And he just goes, “Amazon.”

The Boys season 3 premieres June 3 on Prime Video. You can read more exclusive details about the new season here.

denofgeek.com/tv/the-boys-season-3-jensen-ackles-soldier-boy/

[whorelander]

cupid’s chokehold

chapter i. i’m your venus chapter ii. the things she does to please chapter iii. who wants to give it a whirl?

summary: butcher and hughie aren’t immune to your irresistible charm.

chapter iv. i put a spell on you

It’s finally Friday. Supposedly the best day of the week.

For Butcher, it’s already a fuckin’ headache in the making.

Tensions haven’t been the best with his boys. Hughie’s still barely speaking to him, not that Butcher finds too much issue. The kid had his life turned upside down in a matter of weeks and if he needs someone to release that anger on, Butcher doesn’t mind being a punching bag for a few. As long as Hughie stays in line and follows direction of course.

Butcher inhales and can practically taste the delectable smell of freshly baked goods coming from their makeshift kitchen. He takes a peek and spots Frenchie trying to teach Kimiko how to properly roll a croissant. The pair have undeniable chemistry and Butcher can’t recall the last time he’s seen Frenchie so genuinely happy with something as simple as making a damn pastry. Shame that she’s a supe. First Hughie with his superstar (ex?) girlfriend, and now Frenchie. There must be something in the air.

Speaking of the lad… Butcher hears the television turn on and decides to grant the two lovebirds a bit of privacy. Hughie and M.M. are sitting on the couch at a laughable distance apart from one another, full attention on the mini flatscreen in front of them. Butcher raises an eyebrow at the choice of show.

“The Today Show? I’d have chosen Ellen myself,” Butcher says.

M.M. rolls his eyes, but Hughie doesn’t comment. It’s almost like he’s in a trance. Normally Butcher wouldn’t understand. American hosts and TV personalities are all the same–straight down to the plastic smiles and bad wigs. However, he finds himself enraptured by the sight of you on the screen.

You’re sitting across from one of the usual cookie cutter interviewers dressed in your costume with one leg crossed over the other. You have a natural glow around you, and it definitely isn’t coming from the false lighting of The Today Show’s studio.

“Who’s that?” Butcher asks, not taking his eyes off of you.

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” M.M. says.

“Femme Fatale, can I just say how excited we are to be the first people to host you?” the interviewer says and, without fail, there goes that fake happy-go-lucky grin. “I don’t know how much you’re on social media, but you trended number two in America on Twitter! It’s an honor to have you here.”

“Aw, thank you. Not gonna lie, a big reason I’m doing this is because my mom loves watching your show. Do you mind if I shout her out?” you ask. The interview nods, and you turn your head to fully face the camera with a winning smile and a wink. “Hey mom. I promise I’ll get you Hoda’s autograph.”

Hughie snickers at that. Butcher mentally sighs; that kid will never let go of his inner superhero fanboy. Instead of making a typical snarky remark, Butcher keeps his thoughts to himself and stays focused on you.

“I know it’s only been your first week, but how’re you holding up? Taking over Translucent’s spot in The Seven can’t be easy. He left you with some pretty big shoes to fill,” the interviewer says empathetically.

You nod. “Yeah. He was such a good guy, there’s a reason America loved him. I just hope I make as good of an impression as he did. And honestly, everyone’s been so welcoming at Vought. Especially my new teammates.”

“Anyone in particular stand out?” the interviewer asks, leaning forward in her seat.

“The girls are so nice, but I’m sure you knew that already. Black Noir’s a great cook; he made everyone breakfast the other day and it was delicious. And Homelander’s such a sweet guy, they all really make me feel like I belong there. Vought Tower’s already my home away from home,” you say with a smile.

The interviewer smiles back. “That’s amazing to hear! From the magazine we saw, it looks like you guys have been friends for years.” She takes this time to reach down underneath her chair and pull out the newest Cosmopolitan issue, which features you, Maeve, and Starlight front and center. She holds it up towards the camera. “Folks at home, make sure to grab one of these when you get a chance! They’re straight off the printer.”

“Oh yeah, I was told that I’m supposed to promote the magazines on here. Thank you for doing my job for me, saves me a reprimand from Ashley,” you joke.

“Haha, of course! Do you have any specific goals to set yourself up for success in The Seven? Maybe a few charity events, or, if you wanna shoot high–saving the world?” the interviewer teases.

You appear deep in thought for a few moments, then turn towards the camera once more with a genuine bright smile. “I wanna show the world that we’re just like everyone else, you know what I mean? I’m not the fastest person alive, I don’t have super strength, I can’t fly. I lived with my parents till a few weeks ago because I couldn’t afford rent, my first boyfriend broke up with me over text, and I failed my trigonometry regents exam twice. So I guess all in all, my goal is to be an inspiration that anything’s possible. If you wanna be a hero, don’t let anything stop you from trying.” You shift in your seat and clasp your hands in your lap, then glance downwards with a light flush on your cheeks.

Butcher feels an odd tug at his heart after your speech. He hears Hughie’s breath hitch and realizes he’s not the only one affected.

The interviewer seems to melt at your words then grins at the camera. “Aww! Isn’t she amazing? America’s sweetheart, guys! Thank you once again, Femme Fatale–”

M.M. turns the television off. Butcher blinks and feels like he’s just been snapped awake after hypnosis. “Alright lads, what’re we gonna do about that?”

“What do you mean? You really want to hurt her?” Hughie asks. “She doesn’t even–”

“Come off it mate, I didn’t say anything about harming the little lady. She’s clearly Vought’s new PR stunt and I hate to give those slimy cunts any credit, but they did a pretty bang up job with choosing her,” Butcher explains.

M.M. nods in agreement. “She’s pretty, she’s got the script down pact for personality, and we have zero information on what she can do and how dangerous she really is.”

“You guys are acting like they just released a new bioweapon, c’mon,” Hughie dismisses them with a frown. “I mean, she said it herself! Hello! Was I really the only one listening? She’s not powerful like the other supes she’s with.”

Butcher levels him with an unimpressed stare. “What’re you suggesting, that they let a regular ol’ Joe like you or me on The bloody Seven? You’re smarter than that, Hughie.”

“She could also be lying,” M.M. adds in. “Nothing’s stopping them from trying to make their debut seem sweet and innocent only to be the female Homelander.”

Kimiko leaves the kitchen and grabs her notepad and a pen. She draws a big heart, then shows it to Frenchie. He looks at the drawing and smiles at her.

“I like you too, Kimiko,” he says in a soft tone.

Kimiko shakes her head and draws another, bigger heart then uses the pen to point towards the television. M.M. opens his laptop and starts rapidly typing into the search bar. Hughie shifts closer on the couch to watch him work.

Frenchie furrows his brows in confusion and his smile falls slightly. “I don’t understand chérie…”

She rolls her eyes and tosses the notepad down on the table.

“I got a hit,” M.M. says. He tilts the screen back so all five of them can see. He has your Instagram pulled up, and not the verified Femme Fatale one that Vought made for you. The account is locked but you have a decent amount of followers with a pretty equal ratio to following.

“I never understood making an account private when you have more than a thousand followers. Like, that’s a lot of people already seeing what you post,” Hughie muses.

Butcher studies what little is available. Your profile picture is a baby picture of you wearing sunglasses too large for your face, your username is just a nickname with some extra letters, and your bio has your full name along with a graduating class date and a quote that’s nonsensical. Maybe an inside joke with a friend?

“Let’s get ready for a stakeout. M.M., Hughie, you two are with me.” Butcher tosses the truck keys to M.M. who catches them in one hand. He then looks over towards Frenchie and Kimiko and points at the kitchen. “How ‘bout you lot work on making sure we have a lovely dinner ready for when we get back?”

Frenchie crosses his arms over his chest and raises an eyebrow. “Why do we have to sit back and play the housewife role?”

Butcher looks the man up and down, then smirks as he grabs the frills of Frenchie’s white apron. “To be fair, you’re already dressed the part mate.”

Frenchie’s clearly unhappy if his muttered curses are anything to go by, but he doesn’t continue protesting. He and Kimiko head back towards the kitchen again, with the latter significantly less bothered than the former.

Butcher grabs his coat from the back of a chair and walks up the stairs two at a time. He looks over his shoulder and raises an eyebrow at M.M. and Hughie. “Well come on now boys. We haven’t got all day!”

For the past hour of observing from across the street at the Starbucks, Butcher hates to admit that he hasn’t a clue of what your power could be. Whenever you walk out of Vought tower, you’re never alone. The first time they spot you, you’re with Ashley reentering the building. Now you’re with Homelander, and just the sight of that prick has Butcher clenching his fist. He watches the two of you interact with a grimace. Homelander’s hand is on your hip and you laugh at whatever presumably egotistical remark he makes.

M.M. sucks his teeth and shakes his head. “Told you. Chick’s gotta be on something to hang out with him willingly.”

“That doesn’t prove anything. Maybe there’s hired paparazzi on standby, you know how media obsessed Vought is,” Hughie argues. He glances over at the two of you again and then makes a face. Homelander’s intently hanging off of your every word, eyes not moving from your face. “Do you see the way he’s staring at her? It’s so creepy.”

“He’s always been a bit of a creep,” Butcher says. Though weirdly enough, he feels a rush of anger while you and Homelander continue speaking. It comes from out of nowhere and he chalks it up to seeing that wanker in person again.

You say something he can’t quite make out by reading your lips, and Homelander nods. He watches you walk inside Vought Tower, then whoosh! Butcher doesn’t even get the chance to blink before there’s a gust of wind and the blond arsehole’s gone.

M.M. squints up at the sky. “Huh…”

“What is it?” Butcher asks.

M.M. points up. Butcher and Hughie follow his direction and Hughie’s eyes widen at Homelander hovering outside the top of the building.

“What’s he doing up there?” Hughie asks.

“Maybe checking how secure those windows and walls are?” M.M. asks, unsure.

Butcher doesn’t say anything. They watch as Homelander remains unmoving from his spot next to the Tower for almost an hour and a half until he finally zips away. After a minute or two passes, you walk out of the building with Starlight. You seem to be passionately ranting about something as Starlight giggles along.

“Annie…” Hughie murmurs.

“Bingo. Tinkerbell is our ticket in. Again,” Butcher says. He looks at Hughie expectantly and isn’t surprised to be met with resistance.

“I can’t. We haven’t spoken since… everything came out. My face is plastered everywhere–do you want me to just walk up there, pretend everything’s normal and fine, and put her in danger? Them both in danger?” Hughie asks.

“You’re still assuming that America’s newest heartthrob is innocent,” M.M. says.

Hughie frowns at him. “There’s no proof that she isn’t.”

“She was talking to–” Butcher starts.

“We all fell for Homelander’s crap at some point in our lives. Are you really gonna execute her because she praised the guy on television and had one friendly conversation with him?” Hughie asks. “You saw how he kept touching and looking at her, all that fucking weird shit in the air. I don’t want to make her have to realize Homelander’s a bad guy the same way Annie did. He wanted to kill her because of me, Butcher. I’m not doing that again.”

M.M. sighs. “Kid, I told you this isn’t a business for caring too much. It’ll just make everything hurt more.”

“Hughie’s right,” Butcher says.

“He’s what?” M.M. asks.

“Haha, see–wait. I’m what?” Hughie asks in shock.

Butcher leans back in his seat and crosses his arms over his chest. “Putting these ladies in unnecessary danger is gonna do fuck all for us. Doesn’t hurt Homelander or Vought in the slightest. But there’s something strange going on here, and I think we can all feel it.”

Hughie nods, but M.M. looks conflicted.

“You need to contact your bird,” Butcher tells Hughie.

“I told you, we broke up,” Hughie says exasperatedly.

“She’s the only way we’re gonna get in contact with your supposed Virgin Mary over there,” Butcher says, gesturing towards you. You’re taking a picture with Starlight and a group of fans, that stunning smile ever present on your face. Butcher stares at your face for a moment longer before he focuses back on Hughie. “Whether you like it or not, we need to do this.”

Hughie looks down, pressing his lips together. “Fine. But if she doesn’t answer, that's not my fault.”

“Kinda is,” M.M. butts in. When they both look at him, he shrugs. “You played with her heart, you can’t expect her to not be a little bitter. Monique still isn’t talking to me ‘cause of this shit, and I’ve been with her for years.”

“Thanks for that vote of confidence,” Hughie mutters. “If she actually trusts me enough to give me that girl’s number or whatever, where do I go from there?”

“Nowhere,” Butcher answers.

“Uh. What?” Hughie asks.

“You lost me, Butcher,” M.M. agrees.

Butcher grins at both of them, then looks towards you as he speaks. “It’s easy, fellas. You won’t be doing nothin’ because I’ll be the one talking to the little lady.”

[fanficsandfluff]

The Snyder Cut: Headcanons (mostly of the tickly nature)

Bruce Wayne (Batman) ~ Batfleck, my love

He’s such a lover boy, and I can say that though I don’t exactly know how to explain what I mean. You just gotta understand.

He cares so strongly about EVERYONE. e v e r y o n e. Alfred, fucking loves the guy, jokes with him. The fucking “This is Alfred, I work for him.” MY MAN, STOP!

I think he just really wants to get along with everyone and wants everyone to get along in general.

But he lowkey crushes on Diana (at least in his mind, he’s keeping it lowkey, but we all see what’s happening)

I love the idea of this big hunk of a man getting soft with someone like Diana. 

She makes him genuinely laugh this one time by saying something funny, and then they’re both laughing together. 

Bruce definitely has one of those laughs where he throws his head back and shit and you can see his like Adam’s apple bobbing and everything.

But that’s if he’s really laughing.

And he has loud “HA”’s that are like really short but loud and then he kinda just snickers to himself for a while, holding his stomach.

And dude, the scene in freaking uhh… i think it’s BvS I’m not 100% (maybe i fucking imagined it who knows) where she like comes over to him and is fixing his wound….. tickle scenario hand picked from the gods right there

I can see a whole, “Woah!” from Bruce when Diana traces her fingers on some sensitive skin. And that Gal Godot smile is on her in an INSTANT. 

Bruce will laugh if he’s with the right person. Like I headcanon that if he’s being tickled, he will laugh if it’s done by Diana or Barry, then like he’ll be forced to laugh if it’s Clark bc he overpowers the poor bat, but then he just has these hilarious bouts of angry growls and chuckles if Arthur is going after him. 

I can’t even write about Batfleck being a ler because I will literally explode, so I’m done here 

(((((butseriouslyifanyonewantstotalklerbatfleckwithmehmuplz)))))

Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) 

I know the GIF isn’t from ZSJL but just let me live, ok? (Also I couldn’t find the one of Gal wiggling her fingers YOU KNOW THE ONE I’M TALKING ABOUT)

First off, Gal is the most horrible queen of giggles. I’ve seen those blooper reels. My god, girl, how do you keep getting hired?

SHE HAS SUCH A BIG SMILE IT’S LIKE THE ROCK IDK HOW THEIR TEETH AND MOUTH GET SO WIDE LOOKING

Diana will start tickle fights without a doubt.

She’s already very trustful and I also feel pretty handsy with people, especially those she may feel close to. So if she’s playful, you best watch out.

Her favorite targets are Bruce and Barry. I will not take criticism. Diana attacking Barry and reducing him to panicky shrieky laughs is my #1 thought. It’s not even living rent free, I’m commissioning it to be there.

Diana is one to laugh with her victims. She will wreck them and have a great time doing so. 

She’ll be ticklish if she wants to be, but it isn’t often she gets pinned and tickled or anything like that.

The guys try to stay away from her or not go after her with tickles for fear of retaliation.

AQUAMAN, CYBORG, SUPERMAN, AND THE FLASH UNDER THE CUT

Arthur Curry (Aquaman)

So…. my man isn’t really ticklish. I really don’t think he is, I feel like his Atlantean genes make his skin a special kind of hard, if that makes sense?

THAT BEING SAID ARTHUR IS THE BIGGEST LER OMGGG

He’ll try and act all cool and ‘whatever’ around the League cuz that’s kind of his persona.

But he slowly gets to like them more and more and his playful side starts to come out.

He’ll tickle Barry out of pure annoyance. Like if Barry makes any kind of comment, he’ll just point his finger out and get that glint in his eye and Barry is sprinting for the hills.

Here’s my favorite headcanon: Arthur will tickle Bruce because he knows it pisses him off when he does it. Bruce will fight back and keep Arthur in his sights at all time and curse and growl at him. And Arthur thinks it’s hilarious.

Arthur as a ler will taunt and tease until the cows come home

“Huh, big guy? What’s that? Ahawww that’s what I thought!... Not so fast/tough/etc. now!... I will wreck you.”

Victor Stone (Cyborg)

Unfortunately… not ticklish. :(

But this boy has the sweetest laugh you will ever hear, and I will die on that hill. 

Now that he has friends (superpowered friends, no less), he can slowly come alive and be himself. 

I can see Victor not getting involved in tickle fights at first, but at a certain point he’ll be all like, “Okay, step aside so we can do this right” and just PIN THE SHIT OUT OF WHOEVER IS BEING TICKLED. His extra robot arms are killer!

Okay, when he laughs for the first time in front of the group, there’s that cliche moment of pause where everything stops and everyone just stares and listens to him. It’s so rare to hear him laugh because the poor kid barely even smiled around them in the beginning. 

He SMIRKS

Now hear me out on this…

Okay, so half a face. Great. Weird. We love it. But you can see all of mischievous Victor when the guy SMIRKS. You see his eye squint and you can swear his robot eye gets a gleam of a different color. 

Wait honestly as I was writing that, the thought of Victor’s eye and like his apparatus changing color based on his mood is golden.

Me sitting here, lowkey wishing Victor’s robot body had some kind of cuddly mode like Baymax lmfaoooo 

Like the defense mode his body went into when he was around resurrected Supes, but for cuddles and being cute.

Clark Kent (Superman)

I was debating even including any headcanons for Superman bc I don’t care about him much, honestly.

I am v happy they kept in the whole ‘him staring at Flash through the speed storm’ scene bc I laughed so hard at that the first time i saw Josstice League in the theater. 

Also I didn’t really like the black superman costume??? I’m not a comic buff, so I’m assuming that’s why. I am like the one person who missed the color from the Josstice League cut. Don’t miss the stupid red sky in the finale, but I miss every other ounce of color that was just SUCKED right out of the Snyder Cut.

Clark and Bruce are besties now, I don’t make the rules. Bruce bought the man his house back. By buying the bank. He’ll take care of him.

And I’ve always simped for those two ever since BvS, bc I’ve already written like two fics where they tickle each other. 

Clark overpowering Bruce to tickle the shit out of him makes me so happy lol. Big strong boy Batfleck looking thiccc over here… but put him against Superman and he’s donezo. Because as mentioned earlier, I do think Bruce is pretty ticklish. 

But Clark can have his lee side when he’s feeling nice

He’s got that mighty chuckle, almost like how Thor might laugh. 

And he really likes getting involved in tickle fights with the League. He knows all of them are sorta afraid of him on the daily anyway, but have that power added to a tickle fight and it’s fun as hell. 

He’s gotten taken down by them ONCE. And I mean exactly (1) O N C E.

They all teamed up. Bing, bang, boom. Pinned him to the floor and they each took an area of skin and fucking SQUEEZED AND WIGGLED. They were trying to incapacitate him as quickly as possible. And dangummit, he laughed a lot! Like Clark realized just how ticklish he could feel if he wanted to feel it. 

And don’t even get me started on Lois, he’s big on getting her to giggle and she likes toying with him and running her hands all over his body (bc who wouldn’t?)

Barry Allen (The Flash)

I waited to write about Barry last because I have so much to say about this character....

and then I fell asleep and waited until the next day to write anything down about him so now I’m totally not in the mood and I forgot all the salient points I was planning on making.

fuck you, michelle.

I got a weird relationship with this character. He was mad annoying in the Josstice League. Thank goodness they trimmed his bad jokes down.

But now....

when he got hurt at the end and he was like crying and shit oh my god I wanted to hug him

His character got so... good

And I’m now at the right age where I can think about myself in a relationship with this character with no changes or shame

We both out here trying to find that one good job after college and everything

BARRY JUST WANTS FRIENDS, GUYS

HE’S THAT CUTE

And then he got this whole found family schtick with the Justice League!!! Lookit him!!! Thriving!

He has total little brother energy

like, pesky little brother. Bothers everyone, looks over people’s shoulders while they’re deep in thought or concentrating on something.

Asks a lot of questions.

All the more reason for the gang to want to tickle the shit out of him.

Barry just reads like a super ticklish lee. Like his whole character.

Maybe touch starved because he said he needed friends, and I don’t think he has siblings??? (sorry if i’m wrong about that, comic fans)

I already named some of my fav headcanons about him getting tickled by like Diana and such, and I’m sticking with it.

Barry does flee. He runs away with super speed.... but sometimes he just kinda wants the tickles so he lets them have at him. 

The chase is all part of the fun with tickling Barry, though. That’s what makes it so entertaining. And Barry isn’t afraid to be a little shit about it either. He will super-speed around his pursuers and poke their sides and tickle them back really quickly before they even know what’s happening. 

Barry doesn’t exactly hold back his laughter lol. He’ll protest and scream and squirm like crazy, but once he’s actually tickled, he loses it.

Pure boy. With funny ass facial expressions.

And it really doesn’t help that I never realized just how hot Ezra Miller is, even though I heard he’s not a great person irl. Oh well.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

Please please let me know if y’all have things to add, to squee over, to question me about... please. anything. i’m here for you. thanks for reading, guys!

[goggles-mcgee]

In “A Little Birdy Told Me”, can the members of the Justice League also place bets on how and when Marinette/Ladybug and Damian/Robin get together? For some reason, I like to think that Wonder Woman would be the overprotective aunt/big sister to Marinette, and thus warns/threatens Damian to be good to Marinette (or else), Superman would be gobsmacked about Robin being genuinely in love, and the Flash and Green Lantern would record the expressions while arguing about the get together of the two.

Oh man do they bet. Wonder Woman is holding nothing back from betting, yeah she's protective of Marinette bit she also knows the little goddess can take care of herself. Wonder Woman isn't betting money though, oh no she bets her invisible jet, whoever wins gets to borrow it for 3 months. But she makes side bets too if others lose, so if Superman loses he has to host a Batman themed sleepover at his frozen fortress, Flash has to try and speed run in roller skates while in a werewolf costume for at least a week, Green Lantern has to put on a dragon onesie over his hero suit and accessorize with as many candy jewelry as he can for a week, Batman has to let Diana use any of his gadgets, and she means ANY, that she wants for a month.

Everyone else thought this way of bidding things they have was fair instead of money given Batman's wealth.

Superman is surprised by Damian's affection for Marinette and he says that he is delighted for the boy but privately he is pulling the biggest wtf face ever. How did Stabby McGee Jr find love when he's so....stabby?

Flash is proud of the kid and is definitely the one recording the expressions, but he is also the one calling every member past or not of the Justice League and telling them the gossip, and maybe seeing if they are willing to put anything in the betting pool.

Green Lantern says he's proud like Flash but he's with Supes on this one. His mind does not comprehend the whole situation and he may or may not think Batman is pulling a prank on everyone.

Batman is saddened by his team's faith in his son.

[fic-request-blog]

Read All About It: Superman Connects with the Youth!

This is a request by @nahznalmao here on Tumblr. The request was basically for Superman to torment Batman with TikTok dances, and this thing wrote itself. Absolutely hilarious idea. Here’s a link to the Fortnite dances Superman is doing in case you’d like some cursed images rattling around in your brain as much as I do.

Gen, comedy, ~1K.

Read on AO3 instead.

Read All About It: Superman Connects with the Youth!

Sometimes, Bruce wonders if it’s worth it, being Batman. The never-ending fight, the lack of sleep, the injuries. It’s not easy, and some days he feels the strain more than others.

Like yesterday and today. Yesterday was shaping up to be a normal, average night, with normal, average villains causing normal, average trouble. Then, Robin sent him a video during patrol. He ignored it, because the caption was five laughing emojis and Bruce was dangling one of Penguin’s goons off a roof at the time to figure out what exactly the bird wanted with far too much plutonium.

And then he received, over the course of a few hours, videos from Barry, Hal, Diana, Oliver, and a few other JL members, all of which had similar captions. It is, at this point, now looking back on it, that Bruce realizes he should have known something was up. He should have known not to ignore the messages. But it was a long night, and Bruce Wayne had a long day coming up, and he just wanted some dinner, a shower, and his bed.

That morning he awoke to Alfred’s pancakes and a headache. The headache is normal. Pancakes are not. Pancakes herald bad news. He digs in with a sigh. There is no way he is asking what this omen is about until after he’s eaten at least one of them. And has his coffee.

“Good morning, Master Bruce.”

From his warm, comfortable bed, Bruce peers suspiciously at Alfred, “Is it?”

With his usual nonchalance, Alfred smiles blandly, “Yes.”

And then he leaves.

Bruce is left to contemplate his pancakes in growing confusion. The sun is warm on his bare legs. He doesn’t have a meeting for another hour. Alfred apparently thinks it’s a good morning.

The pancakes sit, unassumingly, along with a growing pit of concern. This can only mean two things: either one, the kids have done something Alfred finds amusing but that Bruce will hate, or two, someone has done something in the news that Bruce will hate and have to deal with.

Damn it, he thinks, mind already whirling as he flings his arm out for his phone, it’s the videos, it has to be.

It is indeed the videos.

Clark, as Superman, is on Tiktok, an app Damian has been banned from using while in costume, dancing. To Bruce’s rising horror, each video he opens is a different video. Clark has made at least ten of these catastrophes. The one named Breakin’ ends in a handstand that would be impressive if Clark weren’t literally Superman. He opens Disco Fever but closes out of the video as quickly as possible. Even Bruce, an actual billionaire, is not paid enough to watch Clark do that. At least the Electro Shuffle just looks like Clark is messing around with his feet. Watching Clark on the video called Fresh, Bruce wonders idly if this is worse than some of the Joker’s torture schemes. The Pop Lock video probably is, to be honest. Apparently, someone is helping Clark with these videos, because in the Rock Out video, Clark is pretending to strum an actual guitar, painted red and green. The last time Bruce checked Clark did not own a guitar.

His eyes narrow. Damian has a guitar. Damian has a very distinct paint job on his guitar as well.

Bruce refuses to reply to any of the messages and instead finishes his coffee.

It’s only been about twenty minutes from the time Alfred had opened his blinds. It feels like it’s been a small eternity. Frankly, Bruce is surprised Clark hasn’t contacted him. This seems like the kind of thing Clark would have tried to rope him into.

He sends Clark a text and then goes to get ready for another day as Bruce Wayne.

By the time Alfred has bundled him into the car, Clark has sent him something from the Daly Planet, written, unsurprisingly, by Clark Kent. The headline says, “Superman Connects with Youth” and Bruce doesn’t even bother to read the rest. He lets his phone drop to the seat and tilts his head back. It’s not even nine yet.

Hopefully, the Wayne Enterprises Board will just assume he’s hungover and not experiencing a stress-induced migraine. He puts on sunglasses to sell the look and restrains himself from sticking his tongue out at Alfred when he sees a smile flicker across the older man’s face. It’s going to be a long day.

**

When Batman drives into the cave, he notices lights first, and then, as he rounds the corner, the bright red of Superman’s cape. He’s dancing again, and for some reason in the cave.

Bruce doesn’t think he’s experienced a lot of road rage in his life, but the urge to hit Clark, and Robin, who is dancing right along with Superman, is almost impossible to resist. He breathes in and reminds himself he has enough willpower to take a ring from Green Lantern. He can resist wrecking the batmobile against Clark’s back even as the alien grips one ankle and seems to seize in midair.

He can resist.

“If you were the one that showed Superman that website,” Bruce starts, hopping out of the batmobile to check the monitors, “we are going to have a talk.”

Damien puts his hands up and shakes his head, grinning, “Nope! It was Superboy!”

Clark turns pleading eyes on him and begins to tell Bruce why it’s so important for them to connect with today’s generation and, as chair of the JL, Superman has this duty above all others, but Bruce cuts him off with “the last thing I want to hear is why you’re doing this. Just leave me out of it.”

They definitely high five when Bruce turns back to the monitors.

Something tells him this isn’t about connecting with the “youth” and is more about seeing what they can get away with while Bruce is on monitor duty.

Damien shouts excitedly and Bruce wonders if his headache will go away tomorrow.

“Supes! Your first video just hit fifty million views!”

There’s the distinct sound of a high five behind Batman.

He sighs quietly through his nose. The headache is definitely not going away any time soon.

[mischiefandspirits]

Titanic Beginnings

Part of the Six for the Age of One AU

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dick was excited when Bruce helped form the Justice League, babbling on about Bruce’s new friends and begging to meet them. Damian also wanted to meet the JL, but to appraise them to see if they were worthy of his father’s time and ensure they were capable of watching Batman’s back.

Not wanting the boys to get involved in the more punishing missions the JL faced, Bruce continually denied their requests.

That was ruined during a meeting a month later when Superman sheepishly admitted that his sons had also been badgering him and his wife to meet the other JL members and asked if he could bring the boys to the next meeting.

Green Arrow, Hawkgirl, Green Lantern, and Martian Manhunter appeared as resistant as Bruce. However, Wonder Woman adored children and agreed before any of them could speak up. She even offered to bring her young sister to keep them company. Aquaman agreed as well, mentioning that his apprentice could use the land experience. Flash and Black Canary were fine with it, which left the League at an even split.

At a nudge from Canary, Arrow broke the tie by reluctantly agreeing to bring his protégé.

Any ideas Batman had at keeping his boys out of it were dashed when Lantern turned to him and asked if he would also be bringing his kids. Superman sent him a look that clearly stated he would invite the boys if Batman didn’t so the Gotham vigilante nodded after giving Lantern a fierce glare.

Batman, Robin, and Serin were the first ones to the temporary headquarters the Justice League were using while Batman, Arrow, and Lantern finished the work on the space station they were retrofitting.

Before they arrived, Bruce had reminded Dick that, allies or not, only Superman knew the Bats’ identities and it was to remain that way for the time being. He had also negotiated with Damian. The boy wouldn’t challenge anyone to a fight and would abide by sparring rules with anyone who challenged him, no matter what abilities they may have. In return, the boy could assess whoever he wanted. He also allowed the boys to bring their dogs, hoping that would help keep Damian from going too far.

Titus (or Birdhound as Dick insisted despite Damian’s arguments that Great Danes weren’t hounds) had swapped out his red collar for a yellow one that matched Serin’s belt and had a tag with Serin’s logo on it. He also wore a grey ballistic vest with dark coral straps and handle. Haley (or Bitewing, a play on a character from Dick’s favorite story in Bruce’s extraterrestrial files) had a green collar with Robin’s logo hanging from it in place of her usual blue. Her vest was red with canary straps and handle.

Robin and Bitewing immediately went off to explore while Serin and Birdhound stayed at Batman’s side as he got things ready for the meeting. The boy kept an eye on the meeting room’s door, so he was the first one to notice the Supers’ arrival.

Superman was talking to his foster son when they walked in, his younger son flying over them with wide eyes. Superboy (aka nine-year-old Jonathan Kent) nearly looked like the spitting image of his father with his blue-black curls and neon blue eyes that didn’t quite look human, though his nose and lips were shaped a bit more like his mother. Meanwhile Hyper (aka fourteen-year-old Christopher Kent) only shared his foster father’s physique, his skin not having that same natural sun-kissed look while his hair was a dirty blond and his eyes were a bright amber that was just a little too close to yellow to be humanly possible. Superboy was wearing jeans, red high tops, and a Superman costume shirt that had a small red cape attached. Hyper was even more underdressed in just jeans, black tenner shoes, a yellow and blue flannel, and a black shirt. A black band wrapped around his wrist, appearing to all the world like a watch though, having helped create it, Batman knew it was a device to help Earth’s newest kryptonian keep control of the powers he’d developed on arrival.

Robin reappeared suddenly, dropping down onto Superman’s shoulders. “Heya, Kal!”

“Hello, Robin,” the man chuckled.

The twelve-year-old did a backbend so he could hold a hand out to the older boy. “Hi! You’re Hyper right? Kal’s told us about you.”

“Oh, yeah. Or K’Riss. Uh, K’Riss-El, but just K’Riss is fine,” Hyper said, accepting the hand.

“And I’m Jon!” Superboy said, dropping down in front of Batman and Serin. He smiled up at the man before holding his hand out to the other boy. “Dad’s told us about you too. Nice to meet you. I like your dog. Can I pet him?”

The eleven-year-old looked at the hand, then glanced over Superboy’s outfit. “No. What kind of attire is that for fighting crime?”

The half-kryptonian looked down at his clothes and shrugged. “I thought it looked cool.”

“It offers no protection.”

“They’re kryptonians,” Robin pointed out as he stood up on Superman’s shoulders so he could pet Bitewing, who was leaning out of a vent on the ceiling. “Their skin is better armor than the stuff we wear.”

“What if they were to lose their abilities? A shard of kryptonite would easily pass through that flimsy shirt.”

Superboy frowned and glanced back at his dad, which gave Batman time to give his son a reprimanding look and hold out his hand.

Serin scowled and palmed him a small lead case.

The Supers didn’t notice the actions, distracted by unsuccessfully trying to get Bitewing out of the vent.

“Neither of us really dressed for fighting crime,” Hyper said over Robin’s soft cackling, pulling away from the vent. “Jon’s too young for that stuff and I’m still getting my powers under control. Our superhero names are more honorary than anything.”

Clicking his tongue, Serin crossed his arms. “Heroes or not, we are in the base of a team of superheroes. You should be prepared to be attacked at any minute by any of the members’ various enemies.”

Superman aimed an incredulous look at Bruce, who shrugged.

His son wasn’t wrong.

“Hello there!” Wonder Woman called as she walked in with a teenage girl in red and black Amazonian armor.

The girl looked exactly like a fifteen-year-old version of her sister with her curly brown-black hair, warm olive skin, and dark green eyes. She gave a smile that looked a bit more forced than her sister’s, which quickly dropped away when she noticed Superman still near the vent with Robin clinging to his back. “Why is there a dog up there?”

“She likes it in there,” Batman grunted when Wonder Woman looked like she was going to try to help as well.

“She’s Robin’s,” Serin added, which did explain it if you knew Robin.

“Dogs shouldn’t be inside vents,” Wonder Woman said pointedly.

“And children shouldn’t nap in chandeliers,” Batman muttered, earning snorts from Serin and Superman. Accepting that the issue wasn’t going to be dropped, he gave Robin a look.

The boy pouted, then gave a sharp whistle. Instantly the pitbull sprung from the vent, hopping off superman’s chest, then Hyper’s shoulders, before landing on the ground as gracefully as her boy despite her missing limb. Robin dropped to the ground next to her and scratched her neck before grabbing the handle on her vest and going over to greet the Amazons.

Wonder Woman introduced her sister as Troia, who had recently left Themyscira so she could learn more about Man’s World at her sister’s side.

After respectfully greeting the sisters, Serin turned to Superboy. “See, the Amazons wear armor.”

“Well, they aren’t quite as durable as us,” Superboy shot back.

“They also don’t have a well-known weakness to a rock, yet they still understand the necessity to be prepared for battle.”

“So that one is definitely Spooky’s,” Lantern joked as he walked in with Hawkgirl.

Robin did a cartwheel into a backflip, landing in front of the two with Bitewing racing to stay by his side. He gave the heroes a wide grin, leaning cutely against the alert dog. “Hi, I’m Robin! It’s so nice to meet B’s friends! I like your wings, Ms. Hawkgirl! They’re very pretty!”

“Thank you,” she said, bemused.

Lantern gave Batman a smirk as he shook Robin’s hand. “You sure this one’s yours and not Supe’s or Wonder Woman’s?”

Robin’s grin turned sharp, then he pulled away.

A green flash lit the room and Lantern was left in just a black tanktop, Flash sweatpants, and mismatched fuzzy socks. The man yelped and looked down to find his ring missing from his hand. His gaze shot up, but Robin and Bitewing had disappeared with the light. “What the heck!?”

The boy’s laughter echoed around the room, seemingly coming from everywhere and nowhere.

“Okay, maybe he is yours.”

“Why is Lantern in his sleeping clothes?” Martian Manhunter asked as he and Aquaman came in with a young Atlantean.

“Robin stole his ring right off his hand,” Hawkgirl answered with poorly hidden laughter in her voice.

The test pilot scowled and held out his hand. His ring shot out from inside Batman’s cape. As it slid onto Lantern’s finger, returning his suit in a flicker of green, Robin and Bitewing poked their heads out of the fabric. He pointed at the smug boy. “You won’t do that again.”

“Unless I want to.”

“Kid -”

“Hey, my first idea was to come up and throat-punch you so be glad I just stole your ring,” he snickered, slipping back into the shadows. “Can’t talk bad about my family if you can’t breathe.”

“It seems the Bat’s family are as entertaining as he is,” Aquaman joked. He set his hand on the young Atlantean’s shoulder. “Speaking of family, this is my mother’s ward and my apprentice, Aqualad. Lad, this is the Justice League and their young companions.”

The boy appeared to be around fifteen with alabaster skin that was edging towards grey. His eyes were plum-colored and his hair was long and pitch black. With teeth slightly sharper than a human’s, he smiled and gave a small bow. “A pleasure. You may call me Garth.”

Baring the Bats, the group all greeted Aqualad cheerfully. Batman grunted and nodded with Serin copying his actions while Robin’s hand poked out of the cape to wave.

Before anyone could introduce themselves to the newcomers, Arrow and Canary entered with a grumpy thirteen-year-old.

Speedy had fair skin and pale red hair, alongside eyes hidden behind a domino mask like the ones Robin and Serin wore. Batman knew from his day-life that Speedy’s backstory wasn’t too far off from Robin’s. He’d gotten Oliver Queen’s attention during an archery contest so when the boy’s adopted father died, Oliver took him in.

“Are we the last ones here?” Canary asked.

“We’re still waiting on Flash,” Wonder Woman answered.

“As per usual,” Hawkgirl joked.

“Well, in the meantime,” Arrow set a hand on Speedy’s shoulder, “this is Speedy.”

“‘Sup,” he said, giving a sarcastic salute.

Introductions went around. Robin took the distraction as his chance to slip out and greet Aqualad and Speedy properly. As the time for the meeting grew closer, the group got the kids settled in a room near the meeting room. Just as they were about to leave for the meeting, a steak of red shot into the room.

“Sorry I’m late,” Flash said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’re actually on time,” Superman said. “Though you’ll have to wait to meet the kids until after the meeting.”

“About that…”

A second streak came into the room, which turned out to be a red-headed teenager. The boy was tan and freckled. When he pulled up his goggles to smile at the group, his eyes proved to be a grassy green. “Hi, there! I’m Kid Flash!”

The group turned to Flash, who was pinching the bridge of his nose. “My nephew became a speedster last week. I’m training him how to use his powers.”

“Then I’m going to be his sidekick!”

Batman held back a snort at the imploring expression Flash gave him and Superman. The kryptonian patted the speedster on the back and led him out of the room with the others following.

Behave, Batman said with a grunt, giving his boys the kind of glare that would have the JL flinching back and the criminals of Gotham fleeing.

Robin batted his eyes innocently and Serin gave a half-hearted nod.

When the meeting was through, the adults returned to find the room worse for wear.

Robin and Kid Flash were sitting cross-legged on a battered table (one of the few remaining pieces of furniture) with Bitewing draped over their laps. They were both fidgeting with the dog’s ears and tail as they happily talked about a fight the Bats had recently had with Penguin.

Serin and Troia were standing off to the side near some cracked flooring, talking about the Amazonian knife she was showing him. Superboy was sitting on the floor next to them, though he appeared more focused on the pets he was giving Birdhound.

The last three boys were standing next to a hole in the wall. The older two were inspecting the hole with guilty frowns while a snickering Speedy patted Hyper on the back, looking more relaxed despite the bruise on his cheek.

“What happened in here?” Arrow asked, all the adults except Superman and Batman looking shocked at the destruction.

“Sparring competition,” Superman answered, proving he’d kept an ear on the kids throughout the meeting.

“We locked a bunch of superpowered and vigilante children in a room together. I’m just pleased the room’s still standing,” Batman added.

Robin and Kid Flash laughed while Speedy bit down his own laughter at a look from Arrow.

Lantern slapped the archer on the back. “Lighten up. As much as I hate to admit it, Spooky’s got a point. We should have known the kids would screw around and set them up somewhere a little less fragile. So, who won?”

“Troia, technically, since Robin was disqualified after the tournament was over,” Kid Flash said.

Batman turned to Robin, who gave a wide grin. “I don’t want to know.”

“I would have won had I had my full arsenal,” Serin said petulantly.

“He was eliminated because Superboy managed to bear hug him right at the start of their go and he couldn’t squirm free before the time ended,” Robin explained.

“You utilized kryptonite in your spar with a kryptonian so I do not see why I couldn’t!”

Superman gave Batman a look and the vigilante sighed, holding out his hand.

Robin skipped forward and dropped a lead case into his palm. “For the record, I brought blue kryptonite.”

“Was that why you were disqualified?”

“No.”

I will be having a conversation with both of you when we get home, he said with a grunt and put the case in his belt.

“And how did you fare?” Aquaman asked his apprentice, coming over to set his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“I won my match against Kid Flash, but Robin proved too formidable an opponent.”

“I lost first round to Troia,” Speedy said before Arrow could ask as he and Canary came up to the teen.

“His close combat abilities could use some work, but his skills with a bow are comparable to some of our best archers,” Troia argued. “Had our arena been larger, the fight would have been much closer.”

“Yeah, Arrow’s not too good at close range either,” Canary said, earning a huff from her boyfriend. “Don’t worry, kid. I’ll show you a few tricks.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you're wondering why I put Donna in armor instead of one of the suits she wears in the comics, I ask you this: Why the flip would she want to wear some spandex suit when she could wear sick Amazonian armor? This applies to Cassie too.

And yes, Dick's treatment of Hal is a reference to a certain movie and a certain TikToker. Thanks for asking.

[aion-rsa]

Superman & Lois Season 2: What to Expect When the Show Returns

https://ift.tt/3xZHqMm

This article contains Superman & Lois spoilers.

The first season of Superman & Lois has come to a close, and what an absolute joyride it was from start to finish. Are you left craving more? Do you need to spend more time in Smallville ASAP? Well, we’ve got good news for you, because Superman & Lois Season 2 has already been confirmed by The CW, and the first episode has already been written!

We spoke with showrunner Todd Helbing to try and get some details about what to expect from Superman & Lois Season 2.

Superman & Lois Season 2 Villains

Superman & Lois has already given us multiple Kryptonians for Superman to have super-powered brawls and trade heat vision blasts with. There’s always an instinct to just give Supes someone he can hit, but the first season managed to do that while also telling a pretty nuanced, even tragic, story for its central villain. But that just means it’s going to be a little trickier to follow up Tal-Rho with someone equally compelling.

“From the earliest days that Greg Berlanti and I talked about this show, the question was always, ‘okay, if we’re going to do this, how are we going to make it different?’” Helbing says. “And if you go through any of the movies, I think the natural tendency is, you have to have somebody as strong and powerful as Superman, or he would never lose. The story engine that we have though, and what’s really important is the family of it. So once you become a father, once Superman became a father, he has weaknesses that he never had before, his thoughts about Lois, about the boys. That family aspect makes him a weaker in a lot of ways, because he loves more. But it also makes him a better hero, because he has something to fight for.”

It doesn’t seem like Helbing thinks power levels are as important to building a Superman threat as others do.

“It doesn’t have to be somebody that can punch as hard as Superman,” Helbing says. “I think of the end of episode 14, when he came back and he had to tell his wife that he can’t find Jordan. There’s a look on Tyler’s face, like he doesn’t know what to do. Those are the situations we want to put Superman in. Because I think to all of us, writers, actors, producers, that’s the most important and what really works on our show.”

Lex Luthor?

And everybody knows that if there’s one villain who definitely can’t “punch as hard as Superman,” it’s Lex Luthor, who has been brought brilliantly to life on Supergirl over the last few seasons by Jon Cryer. But with Superman & Lois determined to forge its own path, it may be awhile before we get to see Lex show up in Smallville.

Read more

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Superman & Lois: Inside the Season’s Big Twists and that Finale Ending

By Mike Cecchini

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Lex Luthor: Jerk Of All Trades

By Mike Cecchini

“Look, I think Jon was awesome as Lex, so I’m certainly open to anything,” Helbing says. “I think we’d have to find the right story where it would work. Lex Luthor is such an iconic character, so it might be a bit, you know what I mean? There are some other characters that we want to explore. If we’re going to make our own stamp here and try to carve out our own story in Superman history, let’s tell some fresh new versions of this.”

Will There Be More Flashback Episodes?

One of the highlights of the season was the flashback episode, which told us big pieces of Lois and Clark’s history together before the boys were born, and showed us Clark’s first adventures in Metropolis as Superman (in that cool Fleischer-inspired costume).

“We’re not going to make the show into Lost,” Helbing jokes. “We’ll certainly have flashbacks if it’s going to help tell the story and help the audience understand where a character is and where they came from so it really lands emotionally, then yeah, we’ll do it.”

Still, that doesn’t mean that a flashback episode is automatically baked into the plans for Superman & Lois Season 2 just yet.

“We don’t necessarily have a format that we’re trying to follow per episode,” Helbing says. “Not having the typical sort of heroic television formula is really, I think, allowed us to approach stories from a different point of view and aspect, and not maybe worry about stuff that I would have worried about on The Flash.”

Will There Be Crossovers With Other DC TV Arrowverse Shows?

The pandemic put the kibosh on all DC TV crossovers this year, although in fairness, those were always expected to be smaller in scale after the massive Crisis on Infinite Earths in 2019. As for what characters or shows Superman & Lois Season 2 could potentially crossover with, Helbing isn’t talking yet.

“I think our sort of north star is just, it’s not any particular character, it’s just whatever benefits the story the best,” he says. “Honestly, it could be anybody right now. I think we’re under the assumption right now that things are going to kind of get back to how they were pre-pandemic, but I’m still a little hesitant to do that. And not just me. I think everybody is a little cautious, and we just want to be safe first and make sure everybody’s protected. We’ll see how it all plays out. I’m optimistic. I would love to do what we can.” 

Helbing also teases more information about where Superman & Lois sits in relation to the other Arrowverse shows airing.

“There’s been a lot of talk and questions about how all the shows interact now and are related post-Crisis,” he says. “I think in season two, the audience will get a lot more answers about that.”

Natalie Irons and Steel

Helbing is keeping quiet on all the implications about Natalie Irons arriving from her corner of the multiverse to surprise her father, John Henry Irons, and the Kent family.

“We knew Nat was going to show up, and we knew we wanted her in the show, because we want to explore a new family dynamic,” he says. “I’ll just say, in season two, there’s a lot that everybody is dealing with, having to get used to new members of a family, I’ll just put it that way.”

Yes, we have to imagine she won’t be thrilled to see that her mother on this world is married to the man who murdered her on their world, for starters.

Will Reign of the Supermen Happen?

Look, you can’t blame us for speculating on this. Superman & Lois introduced John Henry Irons, and even gave him his Steel armor and hammer. They introduced the Eradicator, both as a piece of Kryptonian tech and also as the living embodiment of that tech with a mission to make Earth more like Krypton.

And in a sense, it also gave us Superboy. No, not the half-clone of Superman who eventually adopts the moniker of Kon-El (and then Conner Kent) but the actual biological son of Clark Kent and Lois Lane, Jordan Kent. For Superman fans, this is 3/4ths of a set of “replacement Supermen,” the heroes who rose after Superman’s “death” at the spiky hands of Doomsday in the famed Death and Return of Superman comic book story.

Helbing admits that they’ve talked about things, but certainly won’t commit to the possibility, either.

“We talk,” he says. “We kick all that stuff around, and it’s … I won’t say no, but I won’t say yes either, because we already wrote the first episode of season two. There’s some really cool stuff coming.” 

And since Supergirl already did a version of Hank Henshaw, the infamous Cyborg Superman, and with all the other love for Superman comic book lore already on display in Superman & Lois, is any of this ever being discussed by the writers?

“I think one of the things that we want to do is we want to stay away from any of the villains that Supergirl did for the most part, unless we’re going to completely reinvent them like Morgan Edge. So we’re trying to find some deep dives and bring those stories out in our show. And I think so far, I’m really excited about season two.”

Superman & Lois Season 2 Release Date

At the moment, all we know is that Superman & Lois Season 2 will arrive in early 2022. The first season arrived in February, so that might be a good spot to pencil in for now.

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What do you want to see from Superman & Lois Season 2? Let us know in the comments!

The post Superman & Lois Season 2: What to Expect When the Show Returns appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[taiblogcomics]

Absolutely Thera-Pissed

Hey there, visas and green cards. It's our ninth blogaversary! Wow, we've been going for quite a long time. Long enough to completely change platforms at least once. Considering we just finished our whole backlog, I think we should try something new in honour of the amazing coincidence of these two events synching up. Before we start on another backlog of terrible comics (trust me, I have something in mind), let's do something we've never done before on this blog. We've only ever really covered comics issue by issue. How would you feel, dear readers, if we instead did an entire storyline all at once?

And oh boy, do I have just the storyline in mind. Here's the cover:

Oh yeah. We're doing this. This story has kind of hung over this blog, mostly due to its connections to Red Hood and the Outlaws. It also prominitely features Harley Quinn, who also appeared in Suicide Squad (which ended before this story took place). And personally, I am a fan of Harley, Booster, and the Titans. And oh boy, does this comic shit all over them, in some of the most truly appalling ways possible. This is Heroes in Crisis. All nine issues. Let's jump right in~

I won’t be going over the covers of the individual issues, or even this one so much, but I do like that quote at the top. It is actually some good superhero artwork! It is an extremely awful story, but the artwork is fine~

So the first issue starts like this: Booster Gold's in one of those tiny middle-American diners. The host's loving it, since she says superheroes never show up and eat here. And oh look, here comes another one! Booster replies that that's no hero, as Harley Quinn walks in. Clearly he hasn't been reading her solo series. Harley orders some pie, and she and Booster eat in terse silence. Until suddenly Harley grabs a knife, and the two begin a real knock-down, drag-out fight. And lemme tell ya something, Harley keeps up with a guy who can fly and project forcefields pretty well. Eventually the pair are exhausted, and Booster says he's gotta bring Harley in, after what he saw her do. Harley protests, because she didn't kill all those people. She saw Booster do it.

All this is intercut with two different scenes. One is sort of a confession-cam style thing, a bunch of heroes (including Harley, Blue Jay, Booster, and Hotspot) all admitting they're here for therapy. And the second is Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman talking with each other as they land in a particular site. This place is called Sanctuary. It is currently full of dead heroes. Among the deceased here are Hotspot, Lagoon Boy, Wally West, and Roy Harper. And this is my first major complaint. Do you know what all these characters have in common? Hey, DC: Stop using the Titans as your cannon fodder. Stop treating them as a joke. Every iteration of the team deserves more respect than this.

So Harley and Booster are going to be our POV characters for this story. I like both of these characters a lot, so this is probably going to be pretty painful seeing them written horribly. Harley goes off to the Penguin for protection, and we actually get to see her in her old costume. It is a breath of fresh air, honestly. Booster, meanwhile, mostly just tries to rationalise his actions with Skeets, his robot buddy. Booster suffered kind of a psychotic break back in the Batman storyline "The Gift", which is why he was in Sanctuary to begin with. This story is basically a follow-up to that one, and has the same sort of tone.

Harley confronts the trinity in Gotham, revealing she set the whole thing up with Penguin just so she could get close to them on her terms. She uses the Lasso of Truth to confess she saw Booster Gold do it, then uses the Kryptonite in Batman's belt to skip town. The next time we see her, she's at the docks, giving a eulogy to Poison Ivy, another victim of Sanctuary. Booster Gold, meanwhile, has rationalised that Batman would solve the crime himself rather than turn himself in, and goes to Barry Allen to check in. Of course, the trinity are the only ones who know about the accident yet, so when Booster tells Barry that Wally's dead, he gets super pissed. Just like the readers are!

Issue 3 is a flashback issue, showing Booster's first day at Sanctuary. Sanctuary works like this: everyone gets their own private quarters, and if they want to visit the common areas, they wear a mask and cloak to preserve anonymity. Here's the first really big problem with Sanctuary: while therapy for superheroes is a good (possibly necessary) concept, Sanctuary is only one kind of therapy. It essentially assumes everyone responds the same to the same sort of therapy. The kind here is that Sanctuary gives you a private room that simulates your traumas (with a holodeck) and has you physically confront them. Lagoon Boy, for example, is shown to be facing the laser that killed him over and over again. Wally sets up superhero battles that still have his kids with him. And while this sort of therapy might help some people, it's definitely not universal.

Booster starts his first session, which ends up just being a hologram of himself, talking to him. Before he can get much further, though, alarms go off and everyone is urged to emergency evacuate. Lagoon Boy is killed--in a deliberate callback to his previous death, no less--and we see a few other victims, including Red Devil, Commander Steel, and Gunfire. Wally clutches Roy's body as he dies in his arms, and Harley smacks Wally in the face with her hammer. She greets Booster cheerfully, and he admits he's having a hell of a first day.

After a brief scene of Aqualad (Garth, in this case) drinking in a bar--and who can blame him for wanting to drink after experiencing this story?--Batman and Barry meet, thus showing they're still unsure who did it. Booster is being interrogated under the Lasso of Truth, and he relays the previous issue to us. In his mind, Harley did it. Harley, meanwhile, has tracked down Batgirl (Barbara Gordon) and surprisingly... they hug. Babs promises to help stick by Harley and prove her innocence. After all, Babs has been through trauma, too. The comic reminds us of this with another confession-cam video, showing Babs display the scars she received from “The Killing Joke".

So, about these confession cams... They've been interspersed between scenes, showing everyone from Batman down to guys like Gunfire or the Protector relaying their problems by confession. Again, this sort of therapy isn't for everyone, but it's the only one Sanctuary's got. Superman tells Batman that Lois has been receiving these videos anonymously. Batman responds that there are no videos. Sanctuary does not keep records, to preserve patient confidentiality. Supes replies that there are videos, he's seen them, and now the media has them. The issue ends with a breaking story about "What is the secret superhero Sanctuary?" exposé airing on television...

Speaking of breaking, Blue Beetle (Ted Kord, who I'm as surprised as anybody to find out is alive again post-Rebirth) breaks Booster out of the Hall of Justice where he's being held. The pair watch the breaking news report on television while they try to come up with a plan. Booster's idea is to confess to Barry again, figuring they won't expect the stupidest possible move, making it actually the smartest possible move. Booster has not really recovered from his insanity, I see. He and Beetle do exactly that, surprising Barry at work, which is apparently all the advantage they need. This is because Barry, as a forensic scientist, has access to the data on the autopsies.

While Superman makes a public statement to the press regarding Sanctuary, Batman passes Skeets into Batgirl's care, and she immediately violates that trust by in turn passing Skeets to Harley. It's implied Harley tortures the information regarding Booster's whereabouts out of Skeets, but it's okay because he's just a robot. Babs and Harley turn up at Booster's place as he's analysing the data he obtained from Barry. Here's where it all starts to fall into place: the data on Wally West says his body is five days older than the rest of them.

Issue 6 is kind of a triple piece, but one that can be summed up fairly quickly. It focuses on three specific characters who were all at Sanctuary. The parts regarding Gnaark the caveman (another Titans alumnus) are ultimately pointless, since the issue ends with his death. The parts with Harley focus on Joker's abuse of her and Posion Ivy's care towards her. This also ends badly. Wally's parts focus on the DC Rebirth story where he essentially willed himself back into the universe. And while that story is really good and it was a joy to see Wally again, it ultimately ended with the knowledge that Wally's family did not reappear with him. His kids are gone, his wife is with someone else and does not remember him, and until he forced his way back into everyone's memories, no one else recalled him either. This would traumatise anybody. But it may have really traumatised Wally.

The next issue starts really well, honestly. Booster and Harley are fighting it out--again--while Babs and Beetle just watch. Like, they aren't even stressed, they're both familiar with their respective charges, and this is really no surprise. In any other comic, this would be a great scene. Shame that it's in this one, and it's not nearly enough to save even a lick of it. Eventually Babs works out that Booster's forcefields are only currently working because of some jury-rigged tech that's powered by Blue Beetle's consciousness. So she knocks him out with one hit. Harley prepares a killing blow, but ultimately cannot go through with it, proving she's a good person. She and Booster just collapse on the floor, and bond over the fact that they both kind of suck as superheroes (from their own perspectives, at least).

With Booster, Beetle, Babs, and Harley (Barley?) all on the same side now, the group decide to get to the bottom of everything together. Meanwhile, the rose Harley dropped off the docks is picked up by Wally. See, while the body they found of Wally is five days older than the rest, this means he time-traveled and is still at present alive. Wally channels his Speed Force into the rose, causing it to grow rapidly--and Poison Ivy blooms from it, restored to life. I don't get it either, but if it means Ivy didn't die in this stupid story, I'll take it. Wally then apologises, since Ivy just returned to life and now she has to see death so soon. Those five days are up, and a second Wally appears, ready to literally kill himself.

So here's what really fucking happened.

Wally had been at Sanctuary three weeks already. He's frustrated because the therapy's not helping as fast as he thought it would. He does a jump into the Speed Force and basically exists everywhere at once. Spread across the time stream, he witnesses everybody's confession cams all at once. He sees "the trauma of a thousand heroes in crisis" (hey, we have a title, ladies and gentlemen). And... it's too much. Realising everybody's personal pain breaks him. He unleashes the burst of pent-up energy he'd stored to do the time jaunt thing and kills everyone at Sanctuary.

Lagoon Boy. Protector. Hotspot. Red Devil. Arsenal. Gnaark. Solstice. Tattooed Man. Gunfire. Blue Jay. Commander Steel. Nemesis. I want you to remember these names. These were all pre-existing characters. Half of them were members of the Titans at one point or another. Wally West, the Flash, killed them in a stupid, stupid storyline that not only assassinates his character, but also literally assassinates all these other characters.

Wally uses his super speed to set up the bodies, rig the crime scenes so it looks like Harley or Booster could be responsible for their deaths. He then travels forward in time to the present moment, where he has just confessed all this to Poison Ivy. He kills that version of himself and travels back in time with it to fake his own death. He then uses the VR tech of Sanctuary to trick Booster and Harley into believing they saw the other commit the deeds. Neither of them even knew they'd never left their respective therapy simulations. This leaves Wally with a five day window to figure out something good he can do to make up for killing everyone.

So the final issue wraps it up like this: Booster time-travels the group back to where Barry is about to kill his own paradox clone. Harley and Ivy reunite, which is nice. So here's the plan: this doesn't have to end with any more death. In the end, what Barry did was all an accident. So Booster travels into the future to make a clone of the paradox-Wally. This gives them a five-day-old body they can leave at the massacre, in order to close the timeloop. The present Wally turns himself in and is arrested, while the five-days-ago paradox Wally merges back into the Speed Force, still running to try and find his family.

And the "good" thing Wally did to make up for killing everyone? He was the one that leaked Sanctuary's existence to the media. In his mind, the idea that heroes are seen as constant paragons was too much pressure. By letting the public know that even superheroes need therapy, even superheroes suffer trauma just like everyone else, he he could let people know that heroes are just that: people. People like everyone else. And that it is okay for anyone to seek help if you need it. This seems like a nice sentiment, until you remember the reason Wally killed everyone is because he was impatient about how his therapy was going.  What an awful story.

-----

Like, legitimately, this story is just awful. The basic premise--that heroes could probably do with therapy--is not a bad one. The execution is just really completely mismanaged, though. Start with the beginning. Why are Harley Quinn and Booster Gold chosen as the focus characters? Because they're the ones you could believe would orchestrate a mass murder, right? Except no. You would never believe that. Booster is not that much of a screw-up, and Harley is not that much of a villain. Neither of them have been those things for many years. The readers know that, but it feels like the writer didn't.

And that's the worst part of it all. The superficiality of the story. In the end, why was this story written? To explore the concept of therapy for superheroes? Well, then, it went about it in the worst way possible. Not everyone experiences trauma in the same way. And therefore, not everyone responds to therapy in the same way. The way therapy is depicted in this story is just wrong. Frankly, Sanctuary looks like one of the worst places to get treatment, right alongside Arkham Asylum. Do you think anybody's really going to take away from this story "It's okay to talk about your traumas if you need to"? In or out of universe?

I didn't really talk about the confession cams, but they seemed highly unnecessary. They were always the same, a 3x3 of panels featuring a superhero talking about their traumas. Most of them didn't factor into the story, and at most they felt like a common scene transition. They tried to give them some weight by revealing that the contents of all these possibly got leaked? But then they just kinda dropped that subplot. Which was really kind of serious, because the traumas range from the Protector (a character created for drug PSAs) confessing that he has done drugs to Superman talking about the burden of keeping his identity secret. How much of these did the public actually get? And if it was none, what was even the point of it being a subplot~? Like, leak that Sanctuary existed, sure, but why did Lois Lane get sent all the videos that shouldn't have existed~?

What this story has done to Wally is awful. They have completely tarnished this likeable, amazing hero by having him kill twelve people (thirteen, if you include Poison Ivy), several of them colleagues and friends. All because he's trying to fake his way through therapy when it isn't helping him as fast as he wants. Know what would have been a good story? How about he learns to cope with his trauma? How about he actually gets his family back? It's unrealistic as hell, but it's a fictional story. It's escapism. It's okay to have a happy ending. I ''want'' my stories to end in happy endings, because it's so hard to get them in real life. I want something better than this.

DC Rebirth was a breath of fresh air. Wally's return to the DC universe felt like the clouds were lifitng. The stories following Rebirth felt like a return to form after the darkening of the New 52. It felt like the stories were getting good again, like the comics were getting fun and hopeful again. It couldn't last, though, could it? This story is only three years after the Rebirth initiative. Three years? That's all the hope we get in the universe? I sincerely hope this story ends up an abberation, and not a return to form of the darker, more dour universe we put up with in the New 52. Especially given current events, you can understand why a brighter, optimistic fictional world is appealing. I sincerely hope that when comics resume publication after the pandemic, a more positive outlook continues, and stories like this are left in the garbage where they belong.

This book is fucking awful, and I am done with it. Next week, we'll start reviewing an all-new series for the Taiblog. Let's just say I'm not done ranting about injustices against the Teen Titans~

[endlesstalesofwonder]

The Place of Wonder

As the man restocked the shelves, he found himself thinking about the ridiculousness of opening the shop in the first place. It had been left to rot and be broken into by the local homeless people, abandoned by the stores flanking either side as they had taken all the room they had wanted and left the remaining space of a decent walk-in closet. The man, no doubt, had made it work.

With a little magic, of course. (It was bigger on the inside. Sue him.)

It was something of an inside joke-slash-trap. Very little costumers ever realized the shift in dimensional spacing. It was the Others — the Supes, as his best friend had called them once, before becoming one of them — that noticed and called the man out. It made for an easier business transaction. The man would hold nothing back in making the customer whatever they wanted; A potion for remedying hair loss; An ale for faking the stomach flu — it was very popular in the fall season, especially during finals week; Blessed silver chains that helped resist the call of the moon; Chicken bones laced with monkshood to help urges of hunger.

Wednesdays were the most active. It was something in the water or in the air that made the people flock to the business.

Or the fact that he knew a leprechaun that owed him a favor and a focusing charm stuck to the back of his calendar.

The week before the full moon was also the busiest. Wolves ranked as his best customers — including what he deemed as the “cousins”: coyotes, foxes, and hellhounds. Plus the occasional jaguar. Following were the Fae (faeries), incubi, then vampires.

The man made sure to set all of his clocks — an entire wall’s worth of space, each one designated to a certain species and location — to remind him of the coming time of the month.

Which was today.

The clocks began to go off. A chill ran down his spine as a soft bell was swallowed by the sound of different screeching alarms and whistles. The jars went flying. The man went falling. Everything went to shit in a manner of seconds.

But the man didn’t hit the floor. No jars were shattered. The clocks were still ringing.

The man looked up to find another, his stubbled jaw square and dark eyebrow quirked into an odd judgmental curl. The jars were frozen around them, some of their contents also frozen, spilling from their containers. It only took one too many falls to cast a protection against accidents just like this. Especially if they happen more than three times a day.

“Welcome to The Place. Can I help you?”

Square-Jaw dropped him.

He’d never say that he swore in front of a customer. (But he did.)

The other man’s face was still screwed up as though he was carrying a lemon in his mouth and trying to conceal it. His eyes flicked from him to the wall.

Oh. The screaming. The man stood, albeit was a challenge without help, then slammed his fist into the wall. Like a ripple effect, each clock silenced and left the men in complete silence.

“Can I help you,” he repeated with a little more smile and I’m-sorry-you-had-to-see-that-Let’s-forget-it-ever-happened.

Square-Jaw crossed his arms, rose the eyebrow even higher suggesting, I’m-not-forgetting-that-awfully-embarassing-fall-and-damsel-catch-so-long-as-I-have-power-over-you.

Damn, he thought. He busied himself with grabbing the jars left in the air and returning them to their rightful place on their respective shelves. The one clock, with a cartoon cat stretched so its tail became the pendulum, gave him an apologetic smile and shrug.

Thanks. For nothing.

“I need a pair of manacles that could be worn out in public, but still have the restraint and control of a normal set.”

Wolf. The witch turned around, slowly descending from his height on the ladder. The man certainly didn’t look like a new-turn. The wolf under his skin felt old, trained, protective. Born. Alpha.

He hadn’t had an Alpha in the store in a while. He was out of practice in the traditions of deals and trades. To hell with them.

“Male or female?” How was it even possible to hike an eyebrow up higher than it already was condescending him. The witch crossed his arms. “I need to know for the shape of the binding. Bangles look better on women. Cuff bracelets are rather neutral, but I can wrap them in leather strips to personalize them for the wearer.”

Ha. Wearer. Were-r. He thought he was funny.

“Stick with the neutral. I don’t need any backlash for getting the wrong thing for the wrong person.”

The witch shrugged. “Sounds good to me.”

He walked to the main counter in the back of the shop, the wolf close at his heels but not too close. Caging a magician in his own workplace was asking for a curse or misplaced misfortune spell.

The man plucked out a pen from his pocket — he’d enchanted the damn things after losing and buying too many replacements — and his schedule planner appeared, open in front of him. “I can definitely have the pair done before the full moon, possibly in two days — three if you want leather.”

“Why?”

“I buy and prep the material myself. Removing the scents from the leather is best to help with claiming certain objects as theirs, especially within larger packs.”

“No.”

He stopped writing, drawing out an exasperated sigh of What-do-you-mean-no-Do-you-want-the-damn-things-or-not.

“I can bring you the leather. You won’t have to worry about the scenting, except for your own.”

“I have—” special gloves for these kinds of things, I’m not an amateur, he wanted to say. “Don’t worry about it.”

“And I’ll need four pairs.”

Sweet Gods, the witch thought. “You’ll be pushing more towards the moon.”

“That won’t be an issue.”

The witch tapped his pen against the table. Click-ClickClick-Click-Click-ClickClickClick — The wolf caught the pen and his hand. The heat from his grip, and overall excessive body temperature, made him want to push his own fire into the touch. His magic, however, wanted to do nothing. Content.

He gulped. “I’ll need a name. For the order. And a number.” For the order.

“Hale. Derek Hale.,” he barked out, followed by a series of numbers that were atrociously arranged but easy to remember. Forever.

“I’ll call when the order is—” The front door rang. The wolf was gone. “—Ready. Way to go, Stiles.”

*

It took two days to shape the iron into the cuffs and another two to bless them. Stiles sat on his ass and watered the plants in the front window, which started whistling at passing people to get them to come in or at least give them attention, waiting for ‘Hale’ to show up with the leather for his own order. He should have denied the request, but who was he to deny the opportunity to spend less money?

He waited the full work day, inching closer to flipping the sign and getting the hell out of there, when the door chimed. A beautiful woman, almost equally beautiful as Square-Jaw-Hale, stood there with a cardboard Vans box. Everything about her screamed wolf, from her glinting smile to the wicked gleam in her eye. Her wolf did nothing to conceal itself. It pranced around wanting to be noticed, even flashing its eyes at the witch.

“Can I help you?”

She scanned him, all too obviously and stalling in all the wrong-right-places. Particularly, his face. His eyes. “These are for you.”

Stiles took the box from her, expecting a bomb or at the very least an enchanted can-of-worms trick. Instead, there were worn strips of leather in various sizes and lengths. The collective energy of the pieces made him think of a large home, adored, an even larger family, connected. Hale did well.

“Thanks.”

“I should be thanking you…” She leaned forward, squinting at the small badge on his shirt. “Stiles.”

Stiles quirked his eyebrow. Hale was getting to him and he’d only been there for a few minutes.

“Laura,” the woman offered in return, along with a hand. “Hale.”

“Ah. Makes sense.” The wolf did feel familiar, similar in some ways and different in others. She was an Alpha as well, but looser yet firm. There was a hidden strength to her that she wanted to keep that way. “Tell him thanks. Again.”

The woman turned on her heel, giving a half-assed salute on her way out.

Even the plants turned to watch her as she left. The Valley Lilies looked as confused as Stiles did. He flipped the sign on the door to Closed and buried himself in the back room to finish the damn order for the damn Derek Hale.

*

The clocks on the wall liked to taunt him. Some of them liked to rearrange their numbers and make Stiles freak out over missing his lunch break or not closing on time. Others tried bending their numbers to spell out certain messages that customers should not be able to read in public establishments. There was a collectible clock that his grandfather had given to him as a kid with a pair of parrots in the center sitting on a branch. They softly sang every hour and half-hour. They screeched when Stiles needed to clean their glass so they could see the customers better. He was cleaning said glass when they started to sing — nay, scream for their lives — sending Stiles, once again, to the mercy of the floor — And into the hands of another man.

Stiles looked up — “We have to stop meeting like this.”

The man dropped him. Again. This time, there was a little push just to make it hurt more. Not that he’d ever win that argument with the wolf.

Stiles got himself to his elbows, already winded. “I told you to come by tomorrow.”

“I was in the neighborhood.”

The clock chimed overhead: cuckoo, cuckoo. “Liar.” He didn’t need the clock to know that.

Derek stared at the wall as though they had personally offended him. Which, they had. Very personally. He crossed his arms over his chest — How many times can a man do that before popping or ripping something?

He cleared his throat. “Just give me the damn bracelets.”

Stiles jumped to his feet in one swoop. “Why, Derek, we haven’t discussed the matter of payment.”

“Money isn’t an issue.”

“Establishments like this,” he gestured to the room for dramatic effect, but the wolf simply growled, “don’t normally take money.”

“So, what do you want? Blood? My first born?”

“Geez, what kind of witches do you deal with?” The young witch huffed, leading the man to the back counter once again. He reached beneath the tabletop and retrieved the same Vans box that had been delivered to him, opening and showcasing the items like prized jewels.

Derek nodded. “Then what do you want?”

It seemed like anything was on the table with the man, short of murder and dressing up in the cotton-tail-bunny costume from A Christmas Story. “Well, I’ll give you a choice. You can either pay me in 10 happy memories—” The man took a sharp inhale. “—Or you can go on a date with me.”

“Excuse me?”

“A date.” Stiles didn’t want to be the one to assume, but the man must have had one or at the very least heard of the word before. “Two people. Possibly a movie and some snacks, or if dinner if more your style, we could share a plate of spaghetti—”

“Does it have to be 10?”

“Hey.” Stiles frowned. “Is a date so bad?”

Finally, his eyebrows lowered in a not-quite-menacing-but-I’m-trying-to-prove-a-point glare. “I’m not good with… people.”

“I’m a hot mess on two left feet.” Stiles pointed to the damn shelving unit that was the cause of the whole ordeal. “People aren’t my strong suit either. I do make a mean steak.”

Derek did this thing with his mouth, curling and pouting in this contemplative should-I-even-consider-doing-this shape, then picked up the box of cuffs. “So long as it’s not spaghetti.”

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s not a no.” His eyes scanned over his face, stopping at his cheeks, nose, then lips. “Tomorrow. Seven.”

Like an ass in a romance film, he turned on his heel and made for the door. Stiles squawked, climbing over the counter instead of simply walking around it. He wasn’t one for clear thinking. Clearly.

“Tomorrow’s the full moon.” Don’t you need to be with your pack came out as, “Will you need those cuffs?”

The wolf stopped short of the door, hand posed on the glass. “Don’t worry.” The man turned over his shoulder, eyes burning red and grinning feral but very, very much in control. Stiles lost his breath. “I’ve got plenty of control.”

The clocks stopped ticking. The plants stood at tip-top shape. One of the jaws of the channeling dolls dropped wide open.

The wolf smirked. “See you tomorrow, Stiles.”

The store was still when the man left, the door shuddering in his wake. Nothing wanted to move first before Stiles could put himself back together in a decently functioning being. He pounded his fist in the center of his chest, muttered a prayer, and made sure to touch and brush past every talisman of good luck on his way to the back room. He’d need it.

[countdowntillseason3]

Review and Recap : “Internabout” (Spoilers Ahead)

Hello and welcome to Season 2 of Big Hero 6: The Series. New season means new format, where now my Reviews and Recaps will actually recap the entire episode and review it. Spoilers ahead!

RECAP

We open the episode to Fred talking about how the defeat of Obake ends “Phase 1″ of their superhero adventure, very Marvel-esque of you Fred, and that today is the beginning of Phase 2.

Meanwhile, something walks out of the Bay, this something being a kelp-covered Noodle Burger Boy and a suspicious crate.

We get to the opening sequence, now with some changes, including: Mini-max jumping onto Baymax’s head instead of eggs being splattered onto his face, Mini-max dancing with Fred, Baymax, and the Wacky Arm-Flailing Inflatable Tubeman, during Fred’s portion of the Superhero sequence in the intro, Mini-Max flies in, during Hiro’s sequence it includes new villains such as a 1-eyed Globby (Nega-Globby), an ugly Trina, some guy with a mask, and Liv Amara, Baymax’s sequence includes him in Overdrive Mode against Orso Knox, and ending the sequence off with all of them in new superhero suits that look like the Titanium Suits from “Big Problem”.

After the opening we are introduced to the corporate building of Sycorax, where Wasabi, Honey Lemon, Gogo, Hiro, and Professor Granville are. It is revealed that Karmi is now interning at Sycorax. Hiro is still jealous of Karmi and as the others start questioning this, Liv Amara comes walking in. We are introduced to Liv’s (hot) new assistant, Chris. Liv gives the team a tour of the Sycorax building, which includes bio-metric scanner grounds, Buddy-Bot like robots, and their state-of-the-art GenTech lab, which belongs to Karmi (temporarily), who’s real lab is being built to her specs.

Scene change to a warehouse, where Noodle Burger Boy has brought the crate, which has Trina in it, who is still a severed head and a body. Noodle then goes “home” and abandons Trina in the warehouse.

Scene change, the gang are back from Sycorax. Hiro is still jealous of Karmi. Hiro decides to get an internship at the company of Krei Tech. Krei hires Hiro as an intern (Probably just to compete with Liv Amara. Definitely).

Scene change, We are now at Noodle Burger during closing hours. The manager is probably still sad about NBB’s disappearance. When she turns off the lights, NBB comes walking in, slightly glitchy. He is still looking to go “home”, and since the manager can’t help him he proceeds to go on a rampage and break everything in the shop. Meanwhile, Trina is building what might be a robot, she also calls NBB “Little Brother”.

Big Hero 6 gets the news of NBB going coocoo in a restaurant and decide to go on day patrol. Hiro backs out as his internship starts today, but first he gloats about it to Karmi. Krei has Hiro pick up his drycleaning (don’t ask about the cow costume). He ends up bumping into Karmi which ends with Karmi pretty much laughing at him since this intership is basically Hiro being Krei’s slave.

Fred and Honey Lemon go on patrol to find NBB and find a trail of pickle juice that leads to an alley. NBB is walking into a wall while still glitching and once he notices Honey and Fred, he starts shooting pickles at them. NBB runs out the alley causing collateral damage with Fred and Honey on his tail. NBB ends up escaping on a trolley.

Hiro is already getting fed up of Krei using his as an errand boy.

Gogo and Wasabi confront NBB, who is still trying to go “home”. NBB goes crazy again and starts shooting lasers, Wasabi ends up blocking some with his plasma blade redirecting the laser back to NBB and cutting on off NBB’s legs off. NBB manages to escape Gogo and Wasabi and they find out “home” is Krei Tech.

At Krei Tech, Hiro is holding a mirror while Krei is trying to get an opinion on which smile is better (they are 99.999% similar). Hiro voices his wanting to end being Krei’s errandboy, Krei doesn’t care. NBB lasers the door to Krei’s office open. NBB is malfunctioning and needs to be fixed, so he has come to Krei Tech to be fixed. NBB kidnaps Hiro, Baymax, and Krei and brings them to the Noodle Burger Factory and uses Krei as a bargaining chip, saying that unless Hiro fixes him, Alistar is going to get fried, to get Hiro to fix him.

The Big Hero 6 (well Big Hero 4) get to Krei Tech only to find out that NBB has taken Hiro, Baymax, and Krei. Trina then arrives in a suped-up robotic amalgamation and fights them, taking them all out.

Hiro is still trying to fix NBB and is running out of time as a tied-up Alistar is moving closer to the oil vat. Hiro manages to fix NBB and tries to get the Obake Chip out of him only for Trina to blast into the room to retrieve her brother, NBB. Hiro uses an ultra powerful magnet to incapacitate NBB and Trina, escapes the room he’s in, and saves Alistar before he gets incinerated. Trina and NBB end up escaping the magnet and leave the factory.

After last night’s skirmish, the Big Hero 6 are now eating at the Lucky Cat Cafe. Krei’s assistant, Judy, walks in and tells Hiro that Krei needs to talk to him. Krei now wants Hiro for his inventions and Hiro attempts to back out, but since Hiro signed a contract Krei owns him for the next year. But Hiro is getting his own lab.

This ends the episode off, and as the credits are rolling something appears different with them. Maybe it’s the Chibi characters popping up,hmm.

REVIEW

The episode itself was an interesting start to Season 2. I mainly don’t like how Hiro is still jealous of Karmi but essentially it’ll probably be a plot device for a while. I love how Trina considers NBB a brother, it’s kinda cute. Overall, 8/10. Two points were deducted due to the Hiro/Karmi thing. Tomorrow’s episode is “The Seventh Wheel”!

[zombiesbecrazy]

Better than Best

Summary: Wally and Dick talk about Batman's selection for his best man.

Spoilers for Prelude to the Wedding: Nightwing vs. Hush

Inspired by this post and @haunt-the-stars hashtag asking for someone to write it. I went with Wally instead of the brothers, but yeah...

AO3

If someone had asked Wally what he was expecting to be doing the morning of Batman and Catwoman’s wedding, it wouldn’t have been sitting on Dick’s old bed in Wayne Manor, drinking a beer with his best friend. Not that they hadn’t done this before, but mainly because he would have expected Dick to be busy with other things today leading up to the wedding. When he had texted Dick to know that he was in town early, Dick had asked him to meet him at the Manor, and now here they were. Day drinking in the Manor with Dick who was looking a little worse for wear.

“For what it’s worth, you were my best man. Before. In the other timeline. When Linda and I got married.” Wally took a sip from his bottle. “Didn’t question it for a second.”

“Thanks, Wall. That means a lot.” It was obvious that Dick was upset, but he had been trying to not let it show too much. Despite what he had told Wally about his and Bruce’s conversation, it was obvious that he was troubled by Bruce’s decision to ask Clark to be his best man and not him. “It’s not the choice that hurts, really. It’s more that he didn’t talk to me about it.”

Wally stretched and resettled himself against the headboard beside Dick. “You can’t be that surprised by that.” Dick looked at him questioningly. “The not talking thing. The man isn’t known to be overly verbal. And it probably wasn’t easy for him to pick between you and Supes.”

“I guess.” He sighed and gave a small shrug. “Still stings.”

With the wedding in less than ten hours, Wally had to get Dick out of this funk. Even if he was able to push it aside, Bruce would still be able to tell if Dick was still upset and he wanted to help avoid that on his wedding day if possible. He nudged Dick’s foot with his own. “If you got married tomorrow, who would be your best man?”

“If I got married tomorrow I wouldn’t have one because I’d be running off to elope, because I don’t have a wedding planned.”

“Smart ass.” Wally laughed lightly. “Seriously though. Don’t worry about offending me, I know that the job has multiple suitable applicants.”

Dick started peeling the label on his beer bottle, fidgeting and looking anywhere other than Wally’s face. “Either you or Bruce. Or Babs if she wasn’t the bride.”

Nodding, Wally agreed with those choices and silently added Donna to the list as well. “See. It’s not a simple choice to make.” He poked Dick in the side to make him open his eyes. “And would you talk to Damian about it first?”

Dick jerked his head around to stare at Wally, his face full of surprise. “What? No.”

“It’s sort of the same thing and that’s what you’re forgetting. You’re Bruce’s Damian.”

“I’m pretty that Damian is Bruce’s Damian.”

“Fine. Damian is your Dick Grayson.” Dick’s face was the definition of confusion and Wally sighed and tried to think of a better way to explain himself, tapping his fingers against the bed to try and help him focus. “Okay, let’s try this again. Your fictitious wedding is eight years from now. Damian is 21.” Dick raised an eyebrow at him, but nodded. “Is he your best man now? Assuming that all of the other candidates are still available and your relationships are the same.”

“I… don’t know.” He sighed. “Probably not.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s different. He’s not my best friend. He’s my… something else. Something… more. The role doesn’t feel right.” Dicks tone was hesitant, like he was having a hard time verbalizing his rational.  Wally nodded encouragingly.

“He’s your kid.”

Shaking his head vigorously, Dick argued back. “He’s Bruce’s kid.”

“That doesn’t mean that he’s not your kid too.” He tapped their feet together again. “Look, I’m just trying to say that while you’ve always thought of Bruce as a partner or friend, that isn’t the only way that he sees you. You’re his son. In his head, you are still that little kid he took in a long time ago.”

“I was 16 when I came to live with him. Not much of a kid.”

Wally groaned and ran his hand through his hair, because of course this is when he runs into the never ending wall that is his speed force messed up life. “And this is when I hate this timeline mumbo jumbo screwing with me and everything around me. Because the way I remember it happening, you were eight. And I know that you can remember some of that timeline and it’s muddy and confusing, but that can mean that Bruce can be remembering things that way too.”

“Eight?” Dick’s voice dropped and he stared at his hands for a few seconds. “That can’t be right.”

Wally gives Dick a few minutes in silence to think about the implications of the other timeline. The less time he had with his parents. The more time that he had lived with Bruce. Everything that could possibly be different than how he remembered. He put his hand on Dick’s shoulder and Dick leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and multiple emotions flickering across his face as he adjusted to the new thoughts.

“How long have you known Bruce? In your brain?”

“Seven years.” The answer is automatic.

“Now how long does it feel like you’ve known him? From your heart this time.”

“Longer. A lot longer. I can remember going trick or treating with him as a kid, dressed as Luke Skywalker.” His eyes opened again, and they were a little wet when he looked at Wally. “Wow. This timeline thing is weird. That couldn’t have happened if I was 16 when I moved in here.”

“Welcome to my world.” Wally grimaced, knowing full well what the memories could do to a person. “I know you can have your kid be your best person at your wedding, but it makes sense that it’s Clark. To Bruce, in his heart, you are still that eight year old kid he took in even if his brain tells him otherwise.” Wally swallows the rest of his drink, clears his throat and holds Dick’s eyes, trying to will his point across. “It isn’t that he likes Clark better. It’s that he likes Clark different. Clark’s his best friend. You are his son. You said yourself that it’s something else. Something more. Bigger than the title of ‘best man’. Bruce loves you, more than Clark, even if you aren’t feeling that way right now.”

A few seconds of time passed and Wally was beginning to think that he had messed this up more than it already was when Dick nodded and some of the tension in him appeared to just melt away. Wally looked at Dick closer and thought he looked a little better even with the timeline curveball that had been thrown at him. He hoped that he had possibly made things better and not worse, but to be honest, he wasn’t never quite sure anymore. “Thanks Wally.” Putting his bottle on the nightstand, Dick readjusted the pillows and leaned against Wally, who put his arm around him. It was a familiar gesture between the two of them. A calm after a storm. Or at least after some turbulence. It wasn’t perfect and Wally wasn’t sure that he had said the right words, but something had shifted and he was going to take it as a win.

“No problem. I’m actually surprised that Alfred isn’t the best man, but I guess Superman makes more sense if it is an in-costume wedding. Penny-One doesn’t usually suit up.”

“I don’t know. Alfie can rock a domino better than the rest of us.” Dick laughed to himself a little, bringing a smile to Wally’s face. His mood was lighter at least. “This in costume wedding is weird, right? Selina says I have to wear a boutonniere as part of the wedding party but I’m not even sure how to attach that to my suit. It’s not like I can easily stick a pin into Kevlar.”

“Your problems are not normal people problems.”

“Says the guy at the centre of multiple timeline continuity issues.”

“Never said I was normal either.” Wally squeezed the half hug around Dick a little snugger. “You sure you’re cool, man? With everything?”

He felt Dick nod his head against him. “Yeah. Just need to give B a nice manly hug to make sure he knows it too and then I’ll be ready for the festivities to start. Should be an interesting day.”

“No arguments here about that.”

[yoolee]

Among other things in my clean-out-drafts is a sh!tpost figure skating script, but I can’t draw it for the life of me and really the commentary is just better served as text on pics of the lords in fantastic figure skating outfits. Please if someone wants to draw them in ridiculous glittery bodysuits tag me ANYWAY here is a portion of it

Matsuko: Well folks it is a BEA-U-TI-FUL day here at Divine Rule Stadium, where we are getting ready for the free skate portion of the Sengoku Skate Classic! I’m Matsuko—

Umeko: I’m Umeko, and we are here to dish the dirt on our twelve contenders. Who has the best costume? The most rockin’ song choice? The tightest tush?

Matsuko: We may even talk about their technique.

Umeko: …A little! Maybe! 

Matsuko: First to skate is the master of the triple axel, triple konpei-toe-jump, Oda Nobunaga! 

Umeko: Our boy had a supes controversial program back at the Enryaku-ji, and he really just...well doesn’t exactly ever do the same program twice.

Matsuko: His poor choreographer

Umeko: Nobunaga does what Nobunaga wants

Matsuko: Speaking of--

Umeko: OMG is that jump even legal?

Matsuko: Don’t know! Don’t care! The judges are afraid of him anyway!

Mitsuhide:

(super traditional outfit – white to contrast w/ Nobu’s black and flames, just a few sequins, run-of-the-mill nothing overly flashy) M: A very precise program, very controlled.

U: *nodnod*

Ieyasu:

(ANGRY OUTFIT torn ruffles and such a la our boy Johnny but in olive green ‘CAUSE)

M: This is a skater who is definitely tired of being in the shadow of some of the others

U: Expect big things! … Kind of an angry music choice, isn’t it?

M: I think maybe boy’s got some stuff to work out…

U: But in the meantime he is Working. It.

Mitsunari:

(Classic, bowtie or tie style, black and white MAYBE a bit of midnight blue, no sparkles)

U: You know, he once got banned for arguing with the judges over a fellow skater’s technical scores

M: I mean, he was right, but, yeah they don’t like that

Inuchiyo

(Fantastically floral, a la his waist kimono)

M: This guy’s got huge jumps, but that kind of power gets hard to control – gorgeous when he lands them, though.

U: *holding sign that says please skate shirtless*

Hideyoshi

(‘character’ costume of some sort, fun, cheerful colors)

U: Hideyoshi is kind of a sneaky skater, don’t you think? He flies under the radar, like you sorta forget to talk about him.

M: For sure he’s not as flashy, but he always puts in a solid performance – he could absolutely end up on the podium

Masamune

(Greeeen, feathers, because feathers, Maybe something like dragon scales)

M: Very classic, graceful skater. He has a very quiet style

U: Who needs depth perception!

M: omg Umeko you can’t just say that*

(*Note, OP has no depth perception)

Kojuro

(Puffy Coach jacket, kiss n cry pass around neck)

M: The retired, multi-time CHAMP!

U: He coaches Masamune and Shigezane now, but boy we wish he’d come back

M: He really knew how to pack the points into a program, you’ll see that with his skaters too.

Shingen

(Puffy coach jacket, kiss’n’cry pass around neck, but also flashback to FANTASTIC sequin covered body suit)

M: Another retired champ, known for being a big, bold skater

U: And brave enough to rock the sequin-covered body suit!

Kenshin

(IT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS whatever it is, peacock feathers, glitter, diamond choker and flowers)

M: This skater has it all! Beauty! Grace!

U: *blinded* so…many…sequins

Saizo

*pops up as an announcer*

M: Wait aren’t you supposed to be on the ice?

S: No. *smile*

U&M: *nervous laughter*

S: Don’t forget to stop by our sponsors. And spend all your money.

Yukimura

(something simple, probably black pants and orange top)

U: Our guy’s an ex hockey player, and it shows!

M: Super athletic, has the jumps down but not the delicate edgework yet

(Kansuke drives the zamboni)