#he’s not above not being honest or forthcoming. but he also doesn’t do so with malicious intent.

[soothfog]

i DO know lee is fully capable of lying about your muse’s future. at best, because he thinks it’ll make them happy or relieved or have a generally positive effect on them. at worst, because he thinks it’ll have a positive effect on him: primarily being, they leave him alone and stop asking about their future.

[luimagines]

the boys with a merperson s/o (or crushing on them) scenarios or headcannons?

 Masterlist

MERMAIDS!! OCTMERS!! Crustacean mers? Shark mers?

...It's not mermay... It’s belated mermay since I’m sure I actually got this request by the end of it.

BUT I can do this regardless!

The possibilities are endless.

These are when they’re in their own Hyrule. Without the group, so to speak.

Headcanon time! but also like half scenario?

Content under the cut!

Legend

You are a mermaid or merman

Just a typical mer

Obviously you meet when he’s exploring with his mermaid tail. 

You thought he was from far away because you’ve never seen him before nor was his accent similar with pods across the reef.

You ask your friends and neighbors if they knew him but no one could say where he was from.

And he wasn’t exactly forthcoming with any answers, always telling you something else to change the subject.

But regardless of his secrecy you enjoyed his company and his stories.

Sometimes you would find things from the surface and give them to him

You noticed he liked to collect things from above and thought it would make him happy

You were always trying to find things that would make him happy

He seemed to be full of hurt and bitterness

But you knew him to be a kind and sincere soul so you didn’t want him to hurt anymore than he already has.

But you get curious one day.

“Link, where do you live?”

“In land.”

“But if you’re a fresh water mer, how can be out here in the ocean?”

He stalls and blinks at you. 

“I’m not a mer.”

That’s throws you for a loop.

“But... you’re tail....???”

You ask more questions

And Legend complies because he totally thought you knew he was Hylian.

That would explain why no one knew where he was from.

He was one of the dry dwellers.

You’re quick to ask him about his travels and he tells you

He finds comfort in someone else knowing what he’s been through and being able to talk everything out.

He also finds more comfort in the water and finds himself thinking about you even when he’s by rivers and lakes

But you wouldn’t survive in fresh water

He begins to bring over some of his more water worthy items to show you

And impress you

But he’s not being honest with himself

So he tries to keep you as close as he can and visit you as often as he can when his blacksmithing apprenticeship lets him get away from time to time

His feelings are slow going

But they’re there.

But he’s pretending they’re not there

Your feelings are also slow going

You confuse them with admiration and curiosity

So of course nothing is actually happening

You’re both being idiots

But your feelings are requited.

Everyone who’s witnessing this is in agony.

Hyrule

You are a fresh water mer!

Hyrule can’t swim so he’s got inclined to go out into the ocean any time soon.

Or into any lakes for that matter.

But he does spend a lot of time near rivers when he has to chance to relax for a change.

It’s where you see him first actually

You were swimming up river from your home to check out what may have been left behind.

You were intrigued by him 

But he saw you and ran, not wanting to interact with you incase you were about to attack him

It hurt to see that but you were determined to get to know him

It took months

Mostly because he didn’t go back to that spot for a long time

Next time he appeared you were farther back and raised your hand, waving to him slowly

He stared at you like a deer in headlights

But you stayed your distance

It a reoccurring process.

Each time you’d get a little closer but try to be as non-confrontational as possible

When Hyrule felt at ease enough with your pretense that you could be right next to him, you finally told him your name

He told you his.

Your friendship was grow at a quicker rate than before and you thought he was incredibly interesting

With even more time, you manage to get him into the water and try to teach him how to swim.

You have to take a while to get around how his limbs work verses how you typically swim but somehow you both make it work

Hyrule is a little less afraid of the water now that you’ve been by his side but he still avoids it when you’re not with him

One day you get a little bold and take him to your lake 

He’s quick to join you but he won’t go to where the water goes above his head.

It’s a little frustrating to you because you weren’t going to hurt him

You want to show him your home

Even if it was under water

You tell him such

And you can see him consider the option and the possibilities.

“You’ll lead the way?”

You grin and take his hand.

“It’s not like you’d know the way.”

“I can’t breath under water though.”

“I can help with that.”

There’s a magical ability your people possess that when gifted willingly will grant to recipient the ability to breath underwater.

You tell him such with a small blush on your face

It’s something you’ve been wanting to give him for awhile but...

You could see how long it took for Link to warm up to you

And you’d hate to ruin what you have

But your boldness speaks ahead of you.

“What is it?”

“We call it the Stolen Breath.”

“But what is it?”

“...”

You gulp and float on your back to avoid eye contact. 

“A kiss.”

You can feel him stare at you in silence for a hot second before he takes a breath.

“Ok.”

Four

You were a river dolphin mer!

Because of Four’s job he’s mostly landlocked so he’s not exactly going to be going to the ocean any time soon.

But there’s plenty of rivers nearby for him to visit in whatever free time he can buy for himself.

When he first meets you it’s not because of those times though.

He actually heard about you through the minish first.

They talked about how you helped them and what you do to keep the place safe, and occasionally you let them ride on your back for a small fee.

The fee is stories of the land beyond.

Intrigued, Four visited your river in hopes of finding you

And he did.

As a minish.

He kept visiting you both out of curiosity and because well...

He thought you were cool.

That being said, you thought he was just another minish and had adored your new found little friend who always seemed so happy to see you.

When Four heard about your fee, he gladly told you about all his adventures, his friends and how he saved the world time and time again

You didn’t believe him at first but loved a good story when you could hear one so you let him talk

Some of the details seemed familiar, when the minish would talk about their savior and friend- The Hero of the Four Sword or The Hero of Men

You asked him about it- why he knew some details that the other minish left out

He stalls and hesitates to let you know the truth

With a small breath, he promises you that when he comes back, he’ll let you know why

You expect him to come back in a week or two like usual but he comes back the next day and leads you to one of the minish doors.

Before your eyes you see him hop through it and come back as a hylian

“Oh.”

“Oh?” Four winces and begins to nervously wring his hands together.

“Does that mean you’re the hero?” You grin and jump out of your river.

“Yes.”

That means all of his stories are true!

You stare at him and begin to feel a little giddy.

“Tell me everything!”

Four smiles a little to himself as he relaxes.

“What else haven’t I told you yet?”

“Well... What do you do when you’re not the hero?”

Four grins wider and sits down on the wet rock next to you.

“Not a whole lot.”

“Tell me anyway.”

Time

You were a hermit crab mer!

Time, similar to Four, is mostly landlocked and as such doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to go to the ocean

But Lake Hylia is definitely within his reach

And considering that you had your shell to keep you from drying out completely on dry land, you had the ability to travel on land for a day or two before you had to return

You were still chained to the water but so much as the others you knew to exist

Time had met you when he was younger, exploring the lake in its entirety with his Zora mask 

That being said, he thought he was initially a zora

Your relationship was a little shaky at first.

He had attacked you at first, not knowing what you were or whether you proposed a threat or not

And you had attacked him in turn because the zora were never really welcome near your home- they looked down on you for claiming to be a superior species and they could keep that attitude away from you, thank you very much

When you disengaged, you yelled at him for being a prick and attacking you when you did nothing wrong- even throwing in some less than welcome zora stereotypes of the era toward his face

Later on you grow to really hate that moment- and it embarrasses you every time you think about it but Link laughs

Mostly because in his mind and how he remembers it- he deserved it 100%

It was weeks after when Link had enough of the guessing games and faced you head on to explain himself and apologize.

However you were in the water this time around and he was once again wearing the mask

It took nearly three years of your friendship for you to even learn that he was actually hylian

Which complicated your feelings somewhat

Because as a zora, he was quick to put down your inner prejudice against them by just being himself

Enough so that you thought that maybe there was something happening between you two

But knowing that he was hylian- and could not actually breath under water or spend any more time with you than his life expectancy would allow- hurt you a lot

You had distanced yourself from him for a while as you digested this

Link obviously took it wrong way entirely

He thought you had cut him off from your life and had nothing else to do with him

He wasn’t entirely sure of his feelings at the time

But thought of you cutting him off was painful

He wasn’t sure how to fix it- or even if he could

In the time you were stewing and trying to figure out if this actually changes anything in your relationship, Link was trying to find anything little thing he could get to impress you and express how much he cares for you

Coincidentally, you both look for each to make up on the same day

Link with something shiny and obnoxious for you to add to your steadily growing collection of nick nacks

And you with a confession on your tongue and your heart on your sleeve

Naturally, nothing goes to plan and you don’t confess

Link for his part feels infinitely better about you not shunning him in disgust or heartbreak

You’re glad that he still wants to spend time with you, even if you will eventually out live him

But you’re both young and tenderly feeling this out

There’s still a chance for you two, you think.

There’s still time to let him think about it and for you to try again

Keep going.

Warrior

You were a squid mer

The bioluminescent kind

Warrior actually thought that you were a weird type of zora

From an area that he had yet to see or experience

He was shocked at first when you made your appearance at the surface and screamed

A very manly scream

You shot back down into the water and kept only your eyes above the water

He stared with child like interest after the initial scare when you stared to glow

You stared at each other for a really long time

He was the first Hylian that you’ve seen

You thought that he was cute

Like newly hatched guppies or a jellyfish

You pulled yourself up onto the dock, your extra limbs carrying you with easy strength until you were face to face with him

He was smaller than you thought he would be and you thought that he was missing a few necessary limbs

Your arms caress him with piqued curiosity

He’s tense and panicked but you’ve shown no sign of hostility so he’s refraining from reaching for his weapon.

You pull back after a few tense minutes and plop yourself back into the water.

It’s warmer than you’re accustomed to so you’re uncomfortable and the sun is beginning to rise on the horizon, making it a little brighter than your eyes can handle

You have to leave

But you hope that you can see him again

And you do

He’s a on ship during a storm

And he falls into the water

You’re quick to push through the warmer waters and grab him before the current can

You swim as fast as you can to the surface and hold his head above the water

He’s a coughing mess and tries to swim away from you in his efforts

You hold him close, not trusting his personal strength to fight the ocean

After a brief moment, he notices you and calms down

You’re quick to try and find some land

But you’re too far out into the water and it would take a while

You frown, holding him securely and pick a direction to go.

You force this smaller creature onto your back as you swim

It takes all night and you’re sure would have blinded yourself if you had to stay out any longer than you did

Warrior lets go when land comes, and begins to swim the rest of the way

He says something in his native tongue that you don’t understand but he salutes you

You copy the move and duck under the waves once more

Over multiple weeks afterwards you try to find him again. Continuously resurfacing to try and find him but you’re low on luck.

Until one day

He finds you

You were caught up by some deep sea fisherman, the zora working hard to keep you from destroying their net.

He’s on the docks where they bring you.

The light is killer and blinding and the heat starts to dry your skin.

He saves you in your vulnerability and says, “You save me. I save you. My name is Link. What’s yours?”

It’s your language

You reply before you can question how he speaks it

It’s a special necklace that he had Lana make

You’re back in the water before you know it

Relief comes over you like a tidal wave and you say your thanks to your new friend

Warrior then finds you after that again

And again

And again

You think you like him

He’s not so sure why he likes being around just yet

But he’ll get there

Twilight

You were a crayfish mer!

Here’s the thing, Twilight is also pretty landlocked himself

He’s not exactly going to be by the ocean any time soon and he’s more inclined to relax by a lake than on a riverbank.

That being said, you meet at Lake Hylia.

Since you had a shell, it protected you from the sun and from drying out too fast on land.

Twilight’s first inclination is to freeze up on the spot because he thought you were an aquatic version of the Oocca.

And he wasn’t happy about it.

But you seemed friendly and he wasn’t raised by wolves, so he makes polite conversation with you

He thought it would stop there but nope

You somehow found him no matter where by the lake he was sitting

After awhile he got used to you and even welcomed your presence.

You were none the wiser about his discomfort and just thought he was a nice guy you could talk to to get the news from the land beyond.

You crushed on him first

Your home was buried by a strong storm one day and he wasted no time in helping you dig it out and get it back in working order

That was a love arrow straight through your heart and you were smitten ever since

Twilight had just begun his process wanting to be by your side

At this point he would visit Lake Hylia- not to see you (he wasn’t there yet)- but he would hope you would come and spend some time with him

You knew that you two were from very different words so you tried your hardest to keep your feelings to yourself

Your friendship actually lasted years before Twilight had to come to terms with himself and the thought he might like you

He doesn’t like the idea of falling in love only to have it ripped away from him again

But you can wait for him just as long as he needs to

With time he brings you little gifts

Small things made of glass and stone- things that would survive underwater that he thought you would like

You keep them in a special place inside your burrow

Another storm struck

Late at night when everyone was still asleep, and your burrow collapsed with you inside of it

It was hard for you to move and dig yourself out

You could reach your little treasures that Link would give you 

But that was about it.

Link, for his part, was coming to visit you

Not the lake

You

But what he found sunk his heart

A mudslide covered at least half of the shore line and went into the lake

He ran all the way to where he knew your burrow was but he couldn’t find the opening 

He didn’t even think that calling your name would have worked

Link swallowed hard, concern and worry latching onto his whole being.

He ran all the way back to his house, getting his shovel and zora armor to go underwater.

Knowing that he was running low on time and you were running out of oxygen, he hitched up Epona and rode all the way back to the lake.

He jumped right into the thick of it and began to dig

Epona wasn’t sure what got Link all up in a tizzy but she pounded the ground by the shoreline nervously 

It was hard work

All that would be moved away was replaced by by more mud that would slide over it.

Link was determined though

And terrified

He kept digging until he was able to make some progress with it and eventually he found you huddled where you would normally sleep, clutching your little nick nacks that he gave you.

The fresh water seemed heaven sent and you gulped down what you could, reaching for him to pull you out.

Link grabbed your hand swam with you to the surface, pulling you to the shoreline and washing off all the mud from your shell and your hair

His feelings had to take a step on the backburner for a moment

He had to see that you were ok first.

It may have been the first moment that you could see how much he cared about you

You were starting to suspect where his feelings were before he did

But you’d wait for him. 

Sky

You were an Octomer! 

But since it’s Hyrule, I’m saying that your have the immortality of a jellyfish. Like how Zora’s can live hundreds of years compared to hylians but longer.

The first time you meet, it’s when he’s exploring more of what the surface has to offer.

Now Sky isn’t like the others.

He doesn’t have the same perception of the others

So while the others would have perceived you as a threat- Sky is mostly confused by your lack of action toward him and the fact that he’s never seen something like you before

So if your species is new to him- and you’re not attacking him-

Then maybe you’re friendly?

You grin and he’s a little taken aback by your teeth.

Slowly you crawl to where he is, each arm pulling you toward him.

You greet him in an ancient language

It has been a while since you’ve seen his kind and you want to know where they’ve gone and what kind of lives they live now.

Unfortunately he doesn’t understand you

You frown and try again, reaching out your hand for him to take

He does take it and replies in a language you’re unfamiliar with

Maybe in the time they’ve been gone the language has evolved.

This can be a problem

While you’re contemplating this, you dip back into the water somewhat and fish out (no pun intended) a stick and begin to draw on the supple sand beneath the both of you

He’s quick to catch on to what you’re doing and uses the tip of his sword to draw in the sand next to you

Slowly but surely, you both come up with some degree of communication.

You learn that the literary aspect of their language has changed somewhat as well but it’s still comprehensible to your mind

He comes back

Time and time again

He begins to slowly teach you his language as it is now

And you answer his question of the world long past

Link is actually the first to fall between the two of you

You can’t seem to take whatever hint he gives you

When he finally gives up with gift giving and subtle sweet nothings, he tells you directly

Now before this, you hadn’t considered him in such a way

You didn’t think it was even an option

Link is quick to tell you what he’ll do if you give him a chance.

He’ll live out in the ocean.

He’ll learn how to man a boat

He can find an underwater cave to be there instead if you’d prefer

He’ll leave his people behind

You think this one in particular goes a little too far and you’re quick to tell him so

You turn him down

At first

Link comes back again and again because he still enjoys your company and he can get past his emotions to not make it awkward between you two

But now that you know it’s an option

You don’t stop thinking about him

Link is on your mind day and night with all sorts of possibilities and struggles you two would have together and how to get around them

Weeks go by

And the somehow, you talk away your sensible side- the idea of what you could be becoming more and appealing each day

You confess randomly on a sunny afternoon and it takes the both of you by surprise

It’s not what you wanted to say at all.

Link is ecstatic!

He had pretty much given up hope that you two could be an item but his feelings were giving him more trouble than he thought they would

But you liked him back!

So maybe this time things can go a little smoother.

Wild

You are a shark mer!

Because Wild has a type.

Now, you live just beyond Lurelin’s borders

Wild meets you when he’s pushing the limits of a deku leaf before it breaks on him and he’s forced to turn around with his second one because he doesn’t want to be stranded in the middle of the ocean with his dinky little raft.

You’re closer to the surface than you’re usually willing to be.

Seeing the raft was a new thing for you and you swim closer to it to inspect it.

Wild actually managed, somehow to throw himself over board and into the ocean

Coming face to face

with you!

Both of you shoot away from each other in shock and he scrambles to get back onboard the wood planks

For your part, you stall for a moment not used to seeing his king so far out into the deep waters.

Intrigued at this anomaly you break the surface and place your hands on the side of the raft, watching him as he catches his breath. 

He begins speaking in a rapid fire language that you don’t understand and tell him as much

He jumps and spins over to you, pointing a finger in your direction and even growling

You tilt your head- not at all feeling intimidated by this smaller creature

You tell him your name and ask him for his

But he doesn’t understand you

He then makes a few hand gestures and you brighten

You know that!

Some sailors use that to communicate between each other when the storms get really bad

You recognize some of them but you don’t know the rest of it

You try to sign back to the best of your ability trying to tell him you don’t know that much and once again introducing yourself

He smiles and tells you his name is Link

It starts from there.

You find yourself swimming and spending more time in the shallows than you used to do

He visits regularly

Link is quick to even bring some of his friends over

You are quickly introduced to the Prince of the Zora, named Sidon and he’s been more or less a translator between you two since you speak similar languages from birth.

He visits you as well and teaches you sign on the side to help you communicate with Link without his help.

Link does not know this is happening

You wanted to surprise your friend and Sidon had his full approval of the plan

Because of Sidon’s duties however, there wasn’t a definitive schedule and you were learning at a snails pace

But progress is progress

Link is having some kind of crisis while he’s at home

Because he wants to show it to you but it’s too far inland

He’d also like to know what your home looks like, if you have one, or if you have a family or a community like the zora

There’s so many things he wants to know about you and he thinks he’s beginning to crush

And crush hard

On someone he can’t even communicate properly with no less.

He then asks Sidon to give him lessons on the language you speak

As if that would help in anyway shape or form

Sidon agrees- fully supportive of this idea

So he begins to teach Link on the side as well in order for you two to be able to talk to each other with ease

You do not know this is happening

Sidon knows what’s happening is waiting for the day for this to blow up in both of your faces 

It’s a train wreck waiting to happen

Sidon is glad Link met you

This is the most excitement he’s had since Link showed up in the domain

He really hopes this ends well for the both of you

Wind

You were a stingray mer!

You meet when he goes flying overboard from a storm.

He goes deep

You find him unconscious and try your hardest to swim to the surface and to the nearest beach.

It’s hard for you to get a grip on him and swim at the same time but somehow- by someone’s grace and mercy, you manage

You have to get him away from the water without beaching yourself and that’s another challenge all together.

You think about leaving him there and hoping for the best but a strong waves comes through and nearly drags him out to sea again

You resolve to stay by his side until he wakes up

The sun feels nice and warm, but the problem is that you dry out incredibly fast compared to other mers and it’s very quickly an uncomfortable experience

Luckily- or unluckily if you ask Wind- there was a ship coming by and seemingly coming to whatever island this is.

You take your cue and push yourself backwards into the ocean, watching the ship and the boy you found and trying to see if they were actually going to come to his aid.

The ship does eventually come to the island and you think that the boy would be fine.

But out of curiosity, you do come up to the surface every now and then when you think there’s a ship going back- hoping to see him again- trying to see if he was actually ok.

You see him on what has to be a pirate ship.

You try to get close enough to see him but somehow get yourself caught up in a net and pulled up into the boat.

“Wait! Wait!” The boy calls out and runs over to help you out. “Put it back in the water!”

“What are you doing Link?” Someone from the crew yells. “This is the catch of the century!”

“This thing saved my life! It has to be in the water!”

“What if we don’t?”

“It’ll get sick!”

The boy begins to frantically cutting away the rope from you, throwing it to the side and lessening the pressure around you.

You sigh in relief and try to make your way to the side of the boat.

It’s not easy.

The boy lifts you up from one side but he can’t get a grip on you.

Someone else comes in and helps him, getting on your other side and together they throw you over board.

The relief is immeasurable.

The boy jumps over quickly and splashes next to you.

You grin and wave at him. 

He waves back and  swims up to the surface. 

“Hi! I’m Link!”

You tell him your name in reply and swim around him. 

“I’m glad you’re ok! I didn’t think you saw me when I saved you.”

“I woke up right as you got into the water. I saw you swim and dive away as I got back onto the boat.”

“Are you two friends or something?” Someone calls from the ship.

“I’d like to be.” You admit with a smile

“I’m Link.” He smiles. “I’d like to be your friend to.”

Your friendship skyrockets from there.

Wind was already on the ship to travel the great sea, so it was easy for you to spend time with him and get to know the rest of the crew and the pirate captain Tetra as well.

Everything about their stories of land excited you so much.

It was a world so different than yours.

In return you told them stories of everything under the water, of all the places you’ve seen and been to.

Every part of you wanted to impress Link and you cherished him.

You don’t have any one to tell you want your feelings but what you do know is that you like him. He’s a good friend and he cares deeply about his people.

You hope that maybe you can be someone he cares about too.

Link for his part wanted to find pretty things for you and show his home, his family, everything that is important to him.

Tetra figures out what’s going on before he does.

She waits a bit before telling Link to his face what’s up with him, wanting to see if you’ll make a move or if he’ll come to his senses.

Neither happens.

So she tells Link and he’s quick to talk to you and confess.

He cares about you more than you’d ever realize.

[arctichotch]

aaron hotchner x reader - fluff alphabet

feel free to send me more requests! 

warnings: alludes possibly to some nsfw stuff (dom hotch)

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them? 

Aaron is quite the romantic despite popular belief. Of course, neither of you actually have much free time because you’re constantly on the go with different cases but he does try his best to take advantage of the time both of you are home. He loves to whisk you away on romantic dinner dates but equally loves when you both order a takeaway and watch a movie with Jack. 

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He admires your devotion to your work, to your team, to him and to Jack. He appreciates how much you put into your work and your relationships and that your family always comes first.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Anything you’d like to do he’d be up for. Whether it’d be going out for a walk or sitting at home eating ice cream and watching tv. He’d be there for you. 

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

From the moment you two got together, actually even before that, he pictured a long life with you. He doesn’t want to live a single day without you by his side.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

I don’t really know how to answer this one, because like yes Hotch is dominant but like??? You are both equal in your relationship which is very important to both of you.

However in the bedroom you best believe Hotch is the dominant one.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Obviously it depends on the situation. But yes, Aaron is generally very forthcoming and willing to communicate and fix things if they’re gone a bit askew. 

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He is incredibly aware of how lucky he is. He is so grateful for how you’ve integrated not only him, but also Jack into your life. He’s aware that he has more baggage than the average guy and that he spends more time working than he should so he knows that he’s lucky to have you. 

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

I don’t think Aaron is a secret-y kind of guy. I think he’d do everything he could to ensure that your life together is as honest as possible. Obviously it’s hard sometimes working together but with your personal life he does try to keep everything very honest.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I don’t think ‘change’ is necessarily the right word but you have brought out his softer side. He smiles a lot while around you and is even less uptight at work, so much so that Morgan has started to crack jokes.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I think Aaron is too mature to experience jealousy, jealousy if you get me. But if some cop comes up and starts hitting on you while you’re working on a case he might feel a little twinge of jealousy. He might experience some insecurity but he’ll always talk it through with you

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

This man is 100% a good kisser. He’s amazing. Your first kiss was after he drove you home after a tough case and walked you up to your door. He didn’t plan to do it, it just happened naturally.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

I think he’d want to have a proper conversation about it. You both work together so he would want to make sure that any relationship you two do have wouldn’t affect (or effect idk) your work relationship or the teams dynamic. He also has to think about Jack. He want to make sure there is no possibility of him getting hurt in anyway and that you were also ok with him having a kid.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Hotch, I feel, is quite a traditional guy. Obviously his first go at marriage didn’t exactly work out so I think he’d might be a bit nervous that he’d screw it up again but other than that I think he’d love to marry you.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Once again, I think he’s quite traditional so things like love or darling or honey are his go to’s

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He’s such a softie tbh, like a teenager in love for the very first time. Small touches, holding doors, lingering glances. And being on a team of profilers all of these things are picked up on. The team are just delighted that you both finally got together

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

I think the most PDA you both show is what I said above. You both have to be professional and never want your relationship to get in the way of your work.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

I suppose the fact that he’s a profiler maybe. He always knows if something is wrong

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Hotch loves a good, classic, romantic night out. But often times you both are too tired to do much so you stay home and order a takeout. Anytime where you actually get to spend time together is good time in his eyes.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Of course. Hotch loves to watch you work and is so proud of how much your skills have come along since you started at the BAU.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

I think with your jobs, routine is quite good, well as much routine as you can actually get. But he’s always up for new things too as long as you are.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He knows you so well. It’s like he can read you like a book sometimes.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

It’s so important to him. You are part of his family, part of his entire life. 

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

If this guy isn’t defined as a big cuddle monster idk what is. He’s always attached to you when you’re alone, especially at night.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

YES. very much yes. Big cuddler, big kisser, big hugger. all of it he just wants to be near you.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Well he rarely actually gets a chance to miss you because if you’re not home together you’re on a case together.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He’ll do what he can to always make your relationship work but he’s no idiot either. If he can see that the relationship is falling apart then, no matter how painful it is, he has to deal with it.

[morganaspendragonss]

dancing on the edge of something new

huge thanks to alice ( @reyeslonestar ) for letting me talk this through with her at midnight when it was causing me huge trouble 🥰

five dances in tk and carlos’s life

ao3 | 2.3k | @911fluffweek day 3: getting together // dancing

i.

TK looks over when Carlos slides off the hood of the Camaro, his hand trailing after him until he’s forced to let go. Carlos is smiling almost shyly, shifting from one foot to the other, and TK can’t help but smile back, propping himself up on his elbows.

“Carlos?” he prompts, confusion growing as no explanation is forthcoming. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course. I just, uh…” He bites his lip, then takes a decisive step forward and holds out a hand, cocking a brow suggestively. “Wanna dance?”

TK laughs. “Seriously?” he asks, but he’s already sitting up and placing his hand in Carlos’s, allowing him to pull him off the car and to his feet.

“Well”—Carlos shrugs, yanking TK close and smiling at the oof he makes when their chests collide—“it’s how we began, isn’t it? I figured, if we’re starting again, then it feels only right, no?”

TK stares, stuck dumb, unable to do anything but follow Carlos’s lead as his arms slip around his waist, guiding them into a gentle sway. He rests his own hands on Carlos’s chest, the realisation that he gets to do this now—gets to touch Carlos and be with him like this—hitting him all over again. To think he almost threw it all away… Well, none of that matters anymore. What matters is that they’re here, dancing in a field with no music save for the shuffle of their feet in the grass and the occasional bird or cricket, like a pair of lovesick idiots in a romcom.

And he’s never been happier.

He slides his hands up until his arms are resting loosely around Carlos’s shoulders, fingers playing with the stray curls at the nape of his neck. He stares into those familiar brown eyes, so full of warmth and light, Carlos cast in the beautiful glow of the Northern Lights above them, and TK feels an intense feeling take root in his chest. It’s not love—not yet—but it will be.

He can’t imagine not falling in love with Carlos Reyes.

ii.

The club lights strobe around them, bathing the room alternately in lurid colours and strange shadows. The place is packed, the doors practically straining on their hinges, but the only thing TK is aware of is Carlos’s body moving against his own, their movements perfectly in sync with each other.

It’s been a while since they were last about to do this, to come out and just let loose for the night. In fact, TK thinks the last time might have been when they were out with Paul what seems like a lifetime ago; so much has changed since, and TK feels like a completely different person to who he was back then.

He and Carlos have officially been together for a few months now, but it’s like the universe has been working to stop them from actually being able to enjoy it. They’ve managed to squeeze in some dates here and there, but between the shooting, the solar storm, TK’s medical leave, and weeks of opposing shifts, getting a moment to themselves has been difficult.

But now, finally, they have one. And TK is going to milk it for all it’s worth.

He turns slightly in Carlos’s grasp, his head tilting up to catch his lips in a searing kiss. Carlos grips TK’s hips tighter, pulling them flush against his own as he deepens the kiss, and TK gasps, a sharp thrill shooting down his spine.

The night stretches out blissfully in front of them, the knowledge that this isn’t just a fling that will end with the cold light of dawn making it all the sweeter. It’s still a little surreal, even now, but it also feels so damn right.

TK’s heart hammers in time with the music and he sinks into Carlos’s hold, losing himself in his heat.

iii.

It’s not that TK never felt at home at the condo. The opposite in fact; Carlos’s place had been home even before he could officially call it his, and he feels the loss of it keenly. The thing is, though, even after he’d fully moved in, it had been a struggle to think of it as theirs.

It had been home, sure, but it had also been Carlos’s place.

Carlos had found it a little funny, and it had taken several slip-ups on TK’s part and just as many gentle corrections on his for TK to get used to our dining room, and our bedroom, and our house.

And then—well. Just as he’d started to get used to it, it was all gone. Ashes. It hurt, deeply, but TK knew that it was his turn to be the one to lean on, to let Carlos be the one to set the pace. Carlos had lived there for years, after all, and what was TK’s month compared to that?

Really, anywhere that Carlos is would be home, but this—holding the keys to a house they’d picked out together, a house they’d signed the lease for together, a house they’d picked the furnishings for together—feels like coming home. 

He hates that it was the condo burning down that got them to this stage, but TK can’t stop a grin from emerging on his face as he slips his key into the lock.

He finds Carlos in the kitchen, humming and shimmying to a song playing from the speakers. To his credit, TK really does try to bite back his laughter, but he can’t quite manage it, letting out a loud snort which has Carlos stopping in his tracks, flushing a deep red.

“I see the unpacking’s going well,” he says, walking over to the kitchen counter and leaning a hip against it. 

“It was, actually,” Carlos defends, still blushing. “I didn’t realise you’d be back this soon.”

TK shakes his head; as adorable as Carlos’s embarrassment is, he needs to let him know he’s not making fun. “You can relax, babe. You know I always love seeing you move those hips.”

“Mmm, don’t I know it.” Carlos leans in and kisses him, lingering a moment before pulling back, a wide smirk on his face. “How about you help me finish unpacking here and we’ll see about showing you more of that hip action later?”

TK grumbles, but does as he’s told, the two of them falling into a comfortable rhythm as they work to getting their house in order. It’s ended up being the perfect blend of their different styles, which probably shouldn’t work together, but somehow do, and TK loves it here. They both do, he knows—nothing will ever replace what they lost in the fire, but being able to build a home together is beyond special.

He keeps sneaking glances at Carlos as the afternoon goes on—sue him, his boyfriend is built like a Greek god—and TK smiles when he realises Carlos has started dancing again. He probably doesn’t even realise he’s doing it, which makes the whole thing so much better.

TK watches for a while, then walks up to Carlos and taps him on the shoulder. “Mind if I cut in?” he asks, gesturing to the wooden spoons he was twirling around.

There’s a brief moment of confusion, before Carlos’s eyes light up with realisation. He barely wastes a second in tossing the spoons aside (though, it’s more like a careful placement in the correct drawer) and grabs TK by the hand, sending him into a literal spin.

TK laughs, taking a moment to right himself after the sudden movement caused him to stumble inelegantly. Neither of them are in time with the music as they dance around the kitchen, carefully avoiding the boxes still scattered around, but it’s not important. 

For the first time in his life, TK feels fully, completely at home. It’s not a feeling he wants to let go of.

iv.

“I think they were expecting something slower,” TK murmurs, burying a laugh in Carlos’s neck. Their guests are all wearing expressions with varying degrees of shock, and he can’t really blame them—he’s pretty sure the last thing anyone expects to hear during a first dance at a wedding is a country song. “I still can’t believe you even remember it.”

Carlos shrugs. “I still can’t believe you don’t. It is our song, after all.”

TK rolls his eyes, remembering their first conversation on this topic months ago, back when they were still sorting out all the wedding minutiae. 

“‘Our’ song, babe?” he’d said, raising a skeptical eyebrow. “Why, because we danced to it for five minutes before leaving to get off in the bathroom?”

“Exactly,” Carlos had replied, his tone so serious that TK wasn’t sure whether he was joking or not. He’d rolled his eyes and lightly shoved at TK’s shoulder. “No, babe. Because it was the first time we danced together on the night that we met. That’s special, right, even if it did only last five minutes?”

TK hadn’t exactly been able to argue that one, and he has to admit now that it was a pretty good choice. If only to see the way Judd almost choked on his champagne in surprise when the song started.

It’s a little untraditional and, if he’s being honest, TK had never thought that one day he would be getting married in Texas on his new husband’s family ranch, with their first dance being to a ‘cowboy song’, as he’d once called it, much to Carlos’s horror. But he and Carlos have never been ones for tradition, and TK wouldn’t have it any other way.

“It’s perfect,” he admits, his eyes never leaving Carlos’s. He stops the dance, not caring that the song is still playing, and steps closer, pressing their bodies together. Everything else fades into the background as he leans up and kisses Carlos, barely moving when they break apart. “I love you, Husband.”

Carlos’s face lights up in a grin that could rival the sun in its brightness. “I love you too, Husband.”

v.

Music is floating through the door when TK gets home, and it’s enough to alleviate the weight he’s been carrying all day. It’s not that it had been a bad shift per se (though, when your standards for a good day are ‘nobody dies’, your view tends to get a bit skewed) but it had been long and tiring, and he’d missed his family desperately.

Sometimes, he still can’t believe this is really his life. But Ana, now three, has been living with them for a year already, and TK can’t imagine their home without her anymore. She’d been a blessing, coming into their lives after years of fighting to get on adoption registers, right when they were beginning to despair of ever managing it.

They did, though, and now TK gets to come home to scenes like this. 

Scenes like Ana standing on Carlos’s toes as he guides her slowly around the room in a basic dance. TK watches for a moment before getting his phone out and hitting record; he’ll be damned if he misses the opportunity to get this on film.

Carlos, having heard him enter, rolls his eyes when he sees what TK’s doing, but flashes him a quick smile before returning his focus to Ana. She hasn’t noticed TK’s entrance, her face scrunched up in deep concentration as she grips onto Carlos’s hands as tight as she possibly can.

When the music ends, Ana claps her hands and giggles. TK takes the moment to make his presence known, dropping to his knees and holding his arms out. She barrels into him, almost knocking him over, and presses her face into his chest, her tiny hands creating creases in his uniform shirt.

“Hi, sweetheart,” TK murmurs, dropping a kiss in her hair. He gently detaches her from him and manoeuvers them until she’s sitting in his lap. “Looks like you guys were having fun while I was at work.”

She nods enthusiastically. “Papa was teaching me to dance! Abuela showed me photos when I was with her and Abuelo and I wanted to be just like her!”

“Abuela got out the photo albums again, huh?”

Ana nods again. “Of her… Her…” She frowns and looks up at Carlos.

“Her china poblana dresses,” Carlos says softly, smiling as Ana grins and points at him. 

TK laughs and draws his daughter into a hug, rocking them gently, his gaze going up to Carlos. “Well, from what I saw, you were dancing even better than Papa,” he says, smirking as Carlos gasps in mock offence. He looks back down at Ana, tapping on the back of her hand. “You know,” he starts, smiling, “I think I might need some dancing lessons too. Think you can teach me?”

Ana lights up and immediately gets to her feet, as if she’d been waiting for him to ask. She grabs TK’s hand and pulls him up, leading him to where Carlos must have cleared a space for them earlier. The music begins to play again and TK lets his daughter take charge, playfully sticking his tongue out at Carlos when he laughs at TK getting firmly told off for putting his foot in the wrong place.

At some point, Carlos joins the dance, the three of them stepping and bouncing around the front room. Ana’s laughter fills the house, shrieking with delight when Carlos sweeps her from the floor and wraps both her and TK in his arms. TK leans his head on his husband’s shoulder, a hand placed on their daughter’s back, and breathes out slowly, all the exhaustion from earlier forgotten. 

At last, he’s home.

[sugar-petals]

Can we get an analysis or something about yoongi? It’s so long, I miss him 🥺

same. i thought reading between the lines of his ideal type descriptions would be sweet and insightful. because yoongi is always so forthcoming and leaves nobody out. he really is the king of fanservice and inclusion without even trying. i’ll be commenting on various gems he’s given us since debut and also detangle what can be easily misunderstood or trivialized if you don’t know yoongi for a bit longer.

analysis: the reason why he says that is because he himself is a tech aficionado who spends most of his money on high quality music equipment. yoongi is always well-informed about what’s new on the market. so, hilariously he projects that to a possible significant other. it’s also a good deflection from the uneasy ‘pick sexy clothes’ question. everyone could have headphones. it brings the debate back to his interests rather than dissecting the other person’s body. point is: he bases his attraction entirely about their shared passion because that is what sticks like glue and is guaranteed to be a bridge. unusual and nerdy answer, and romantic when you consider his personal habits.

analysis: yeah, boom. how he starts out by naming integrity: a rare sight. that he says if she’s unattractive that doesn’t faze him, even rarer. while at the same time, he wants a partner who’s good to him while most idols only describe stereotypical assets rather then fundamentals of a healthy relation. so, guy is one step further already (granted, he’s experienced, yoongi dated a girl in high school). it’s also sending a good signal to fans to be respectful, we know yoongi has been pushed around a lot at airports. 

on top of that, yoongi knows of how things can always turn out differently as well so he doesn’t set things in stone. the best part is yoongi wishing for her to be healthy because he knows the living hell himself. it doesn’t mean he’d reject her if she wasn’t, this is rather a statement of concern and that he cares about your state of mind.

analysis: again, meeting halfway with interests. yoongi is conscious about compatibility. his first love being music, if you’re not into rap and a chill person it won’t work even if the person is unearthly attractive which again he of course does not mention. also, who puts ‘wise’ as an ideal type characteristic! he also omitted naming a western actress as his ideal type when they asked bts this. he doesn’t like setting a wrong bar.

analysis: again, yoongi being open-minded and actually grounded in reality. he also doesn’t seem particularly ‘controlling’ or demanding through answers like these and above. a lot of korean guys act judging/possessive and wish to decide what clothes their girlfriend shouldn’t wear (as not to appeal to other guys, or maybe because of some oedipus complex). he’s not imposing his own standard. live and let live.

analysis: again, yoongi considers someone who is good for him. you see a lot of idols pointing out ideal types that sound like they’d either mistreat or blindly revere them. i’ve seen with worry how other bts members wanted ‘haughty’ or ‘fatal’ girls as ideal types. at the same time, yoongi also brings to the equation what he has to offer rather than just saying ‘i prefer this and that’s all, give it to me’. he also thought about this properly and doesn’t invent it out of thin air (which to be fair idols can and should do actually, but yoongi just chooses to be honest).

analysis: consistency and widely applicable without being untrue to him. very to the point as always.

analysis: classic myg humor. again, not excluding anyone which is what you actually wanna say to fans. yoongi has thought this through from the other perspective knowing many people take those descriptions to heart despite idols being unreachable. also, he doesn’t seem to like treating singular body parts like requirements/objects removed from the whole person. hence his joke goes back to basics and the humanity of the person. schooled.

analysis: sexy and distinctive charm could mean anything in this context, unlike the other members giving details he left it all open. consistency again. and: same as him saying “wise”, these aren’t characteristics most guys would think about first. lot to can learn from yoongi, who says the heart matters as the first priority. also a+, sticking up for his most important value (sharing music). he has a clear topic in mind for the relationship.

analysis: (excuse the lq) i’ve never heard an idol include their weaknesses and limitations so blatantly in an ideal type description. it’s an earlier interview but yoongi still had the exact same parameters going so, this man’s vision is hard if not impossible to bend i’m telling you. once more, yoongi thinking about compatibility and conversation topics tells me he will be very successful in his romantic life. even more bonus points for vulnerability and being upfront, and also including less glorified ideal type characteristics that rather paint a 3D person. yoongi not being blue-eyed will make it easier on him in relationships. also: “real woman” — never heard an idol say something like this. the statement is also not meant to be patronizing since yoongi himself is quiet/sensitive and there needs to be silence in the studio for practical reasons. ‘inattentive’ — also an interesting word choice, close to his personality as well.

analysis: the gist probably is, once again yoongi circles all options. and: he rather bothers with his partner’s comfort. as he does with himself. notice that throughout these yoongi doesn’t sound like a hypocrite and he keeps on almost brutally emphasizing that he has no preference. you could ask him that interview question a 1000 times and you’d not get him to adapt.

analysis: (lol jin, i love u) now this is a matter of one’s drawing skill level and being able to translate your idea to paper obviously. yoongi bothered taking it seriously with respect as you’d expect. his drawing looks clean, mature and organized so that also tells us something about the man if i treat this like a rorschach test lol. also, the girl is smiling just like in jk’s picture. so, yoongi drawing a happy girl without much details at all but still making it look proper, you know the guy bothers. meanwhile, his usual drawing style hhh

and now my favorite:

analysis: what an impeccably smart answer to give. he actually considers the entire dynamic and that you need to take the focus off the person sometimes to have a good time. the mood and reciprocity is important. yoongi looks at abstract components that are the actual dealmakers rather than obsessing over dealbreakers. and this guy calls himself a bad boy, what lies. and again, consistent in saying his ideal type is open-ended. long story short, my my yoongi just has a great mentality. ain’t he lovely.

BONUS: footage of kumamon = ideal type and yoongi melting from joy

[makeste]

this is pretty random and you don't need to answer it, haha, but could you share your personal hcs regarding platonic todobaku with me??? 🥺🥺🥺 i'm in need, LOL, and your takes on characterization and relationships on bnha are always so spot on, so... i hope you're having a good day/night!!!!!!!💖💖💖

thank you so much! sorry it took a while to gather all of these; my TodoBaku headcanons weren’t as immediately forthcoming as my general Baku headcanons were. but here goes. the first half of these ended up being more just my general thoughts about their relationship than actual headcanons, but I eventually steered myself back on track.

first of all, this is important to note: when Katsuki says in ch. 241 that “there’s no correlation between time spent [together] and friendship”, it’s not purely out of denial. this is something he genuinely believes, having learned it the hard way growing up. for someone who seemingly led a pretty charmed life for most of his childhood, Katsuki hasn’t actually had a particularly sunshiny experience when it comes to his friendships. all of his closest childhood friends eventually left him (Tsubasa), turned on him (Deku -- from his perspective lol. obviously this wasn’t actually the case at all, but it’s how he interpreted it, and it definitely had a big impact on him emotionally), or abandoned him (that long-fingered kid, who notably fled and never looked back when the sludge monster tried to eat Katsuki back in chapter one. like, thanks for nothing, my dude).

so it’s not surprising that all of these experiences would have a profound impact on Katsuki’s ability to trust other people and accept them as real, genuine friends. in its own way his childhood was almost as isolating as Deku and Shouto’s. it’s only since coming to U.A. that he’s started to make real friends again for the first time since kindergarten. and even then, in the case of Kirishima and Kaminari and Sero, even though I think he does consider them friends, he still isn’t very open with them. because he’s learned the hard way that that can lead to hurt, and I think he’s very hesitant to ever let himself be vulnerable to that again.

but having said all that, Shouto is still absolutely correct when he says that they’re friends. and the thing is Katsuki knows it too, but he’s just reluctant to admit it. partly because the part of his brain that processes everything as rivalry isn’t sure whether Being Friends With Shouto = Losing To Shouto (IS THIS A TRAP??), and partly because of everything else I just explained above. even though by this point he knows Shouto pretty well, well enough to be reasonably sure he’s not just gonna be another fakeass groupie who turns tail at the first sign of trouble, there’s still a part of him that’s hesitant to admit that connection is there, because doing so opens him up to potentially being hurt again at some point. goddammit. why is this shit so complicated.

meanwhile on Shouto’s side of things, this poor lil bubba never had any friends growing up to begin with, so he’s not nearly as paranoid or prickly as Katsuki is. instead, he’s still discovering for himself just what friendship is all about. the interesting thing about Shouto is that since he never had any childhood friendships, in a way, the friendships that he’s making now at U.A. are his childhood friendships. and so they tend to be straightforward and uncomplicated in much the same way that very young children’s friendships are uncomplicated. “I like this person; I am going to make them my friend.” boom. done. friendship is mad easy yo.

and he does like Katsuki! sure, his personality is a bit unconventional, but there’s a lot to admire about him even so, and they actually have a lot in common! they’re both rather introverted. they’re both very serious, and I think this is something that Shouto particularly appreciates, because jokes and idioms and playful insincerity sometimes fly over his head just because he doesn’t have a lot of experience dealing with other people. but Katsuki NEVER jokes around, and he is never insincere. he says what he means, with the exception of insults, which are 90% more bark than bite. and so once Shouto figured that out, it became very easy to figure out how to interact with him. aside from that, they’re both close with Shouto’s Other Best Friend Midoriya, they both have incendiary quirks, and they both tend towards the quiet side (yes, even Katsuki) with the occasional burst of hotheadedness (maybe a bit more than “occasional” when it comes to Katsuki’s end).

and like I said, there’s a lot that Shouto admires about Katsuki as well. he really respects how determined Katsuki is, because he himself lacked any sort of clear goals for quite a while growing up. all he knew was that he didn’t want to end up being like his dad. but Katsuki is someone who has always known what he wants, and he goes after it with a singlemindedness that Shouto is almost envious of. he’s also very intelligent and quick-thinking, and Shouto knows he can rely on him in a tight spot. he’s also honest, and surprisingly principled, and while he’s definitely not the nicest guy around, I think Shouto can recognize to some degree those same types of walls that he once spent so much time building up around himself. and so he knows that to a certain extent, Katsuki’s hostility is just a front. and I think he’s both intrigued by that, and drawn to it. because every so often when Katsuki’s guard does drop and his better self briefly shines through, Shouto can see that he’s someone worth getting to know.

anyways, but enough of my rambling about their relationship, and on to the actual headcanons. first of all, I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that at some point during all of those mentally and physically taxing weekends spent training for their provisional exam, they have each fallen asleep on the other’s shoulder during the ride home. Katsuki was actually the first to do it, and it was only for a couple of minutes, but when he woke up he was absolutely mortified. but much to his relief, Shouto never said another word about it. (and if Shouto still remembers the warm, cozy feeling in his chest during those few brief minutes when Katsuki was dead to the world, with his face smoothed out and completely trusting and his breathing strangely in rhythm with the movement of the car, and if doing so brings him a sense of calm that’s hard to describe, well then, that’s no one’s business but his own.)

anyway, so because life is Just Like That, eventually of course the reverse happened. and with anyone else, Katsuki would have violently shoved them aside without a second thought, and he was almost gonna do the same here, but then he remembered he owed him (because he really did keep his mouth shut about the earlier incident, thank fuck), and so he didn’t. for almost two whole minutes, anyway. whatever. that’s more than generous, really. meanwhile no one else knows about this except for Aizawa, who was chaperoning them that day, and took mild notice at first on account of it being unusual behavior on Katsuki’s part, but then immediately forgot about it afterwards. he was proud of them both for upping their napping game, though. he respects naps.

both Shouto and Katsuki were actually scared shitless during the test of courage at the forest training camp, and if Katsuki hadn’t been kidnapped and everything had instead gone on as normal, they would have both had trouble getting to sleep that night. Katsuki actually can’t stand scary movies or ghost stories (fyi this is canon according to the third light novel, and EXCUSE HIM FOR HAVING A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR THE SUPERNATURAL. you wanna go and get your own dumb ass cursed or dragged to hell or whatever, BE HIS GUEST). whereas Shouto has next to no experience with them and doesn’t really see what’s so scary about ghosts because GHOSTS AREN’T REAL DUH, but even he feels a little unsettled when an undead swamp girl suddenly rises from the depths and crabwalks towards them in the middle of the woods.

Katsuki has on rare occasions been so drained by provisional lessons that he goes into autopilot and forgets to pretend not to be friends with Shouto, which can result in them having completely normal conversations for minutes at a time before he eventually regains enough of his senses to realize he’s fraternizing with the enemy. this is how Shouto learned about things like Katsuki’s favorite foods, and his love of hiking. the latter is actually one subject that Katsuki can go on and on about if you get him started, and Shouto very much enjoys hearing about it and never tries to stop him.

by contrast, Katsuki never intentionally seeks to gain any new knowledge about Shouto because he feels like he already knows way more than he ever wanted to. however, this doesn’t stop him from absorbing knowledge against his will by simple osmosis, and then discovering to his dismay that he’s retained the information afterward. this is why he also knows Shouto’s favorite food in return (although to be fair, I think everyone in Japan knows Shouto’s favorite food), as well as other tidbits like the fact that he likes strawberry-flavored things (because he always gets the same brand of strawberry milk from the vending machine during their lunch breaks). he hates himself a little for both noticing and remembering these stupid little details, and would rather be kidnapped again than ever admit to Shouto that he does.

Katsuki thinks of Shouto as “Todoroki” in his head rather than “IcyHot” or “Half n’ Half”, and has to make a conscious effort to use the nicknames whenever he addresses him out loud. more and more often he finds himself forgetting to do so nowadays, much to his dismay. Shouto was pleasantly surprised the first few times it happened, but quickly stopped taking notice of it, as he’s come to realize that the way Katsuki addresses people carries very little meaning regardless, since something like 75% of his actual feelings are conveyed through his actions rather than his words.

Katsuki does wish that Shouto had had the decency to choose his surname as his hero alias rather than his given name, though. he lives in fear that one of these days he’ll be required to call him “Shouto” while on duty. number one hero or not, there’s a good chance he would resign from his internship at the Endeavor Hero Agency before he ever willingly agreed to that.

and last but not least, the number one thing that Katsuki would rather jump in a freezing lake than admit to Shouto or even himself is that he actually cares about him too. and has even mostly forgiven him for wussing out at the last minute during the sports festival. he still doesn’t fully understand why he did it, but he gets that Shouto was Going Through Some Stuff, and okay yeah, he can admit that his family situation is pretty fucked up, so whatever. there’s an uncomfortable feeling he gets whenever he’s reminded of this; sort of a weird, squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever the subject of Endeavor comes up, or whenever he sees Shouto talking to the man himself. it makes him feel restless and on edge, and he never knows what to say or do afterwards, especially if Shouto goes all quiet and sullen and reflective. he wants to scream at him, or slap him on the back of the head, or grab him by the shoulders and shake him; whatever it takes to snap him out of it and ease the tension. but he knows that’s not the right way to handle it. and more to the point, he knows that he’s not the right person to handle it. and sometimes, if he’s not quick enough to squash the feeling when he senses it coming, he wonders how Shouto would react if he ever found out what Katsuki used to be like back in elementary and middle school. and he wonders whether Shouto would still be so dead-set insistent on calling them friends. and then he does squash out the thought, as viciously as he possibly can.

anyway so that turned weirdly angsty towards the end whoops. not even sure what happened there, since this is supposed to be my cute and funny ship, while BakuDeku greedily hogs all the angst for itself! lol my bad. but don’t worry, they still love each other, and Shouto is still fond and soft and equipped with bullshit-radar, and Katsuki is still rabid and in denial and a dumbass.

[summonerscenarios]

Heyo, I was the anon the requested the angst with Zabs, Ophion, and Oni and I was wondering if you have the time if you can make a continuation where MC decides to pursue them and confesses their love. I also want to say that the HCs where really well done. I think you're a really good writer. Thank You, Juno! ❤

Hoo this one has been a long time coming!! you can really tell I got carried away trying to give this as much emotion as possible. Thank you sweetie for your kind words and here’s your request~!

Original can be found here!

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Ophion

Out of the three of them, Ophion seems the least affected by the previous events and had little problems reintegrating into the extravagant life he was temporarily pulled away from. You’ve been dancing around the subject of confessing for a while, not because you didn’t want to, but it felt as though it wasn’t the right time, so you’d kept your feelings to yourself. Eventually though, as time goes on, it becomes more and more apparent that you can’t keep your feelings to yourself for much longer, and they finally come pouring out when you have a minute alone with the tycoon, away from prying eyes in a space that you’re sure the dragon reserved just for you.

Upon hearing your words of confession you can see Ophion’s posture straighten and mirth dance in his eyes; it’s clear that these are the words that he’s desired to hear from you since being reunited, and he doesn’t hesitate to make this fact known to you. Once again you’re taken into Ophion’s arms, one hand coming to smooth through your hair as another reaches behind you to press against your lower back. A pleased rumble resonates through him as he tells you just how much it means to finally hear those words uttered from your lips. You’re fully prepared for the slew of affection that’s sure to come, leaning into the hand that begins to slide up your back, moving to rest upon your shoulder....

But then you feel it. He hesitates, hand twitching just shy of touching you. Then, he pulls back.

Confused, you look up into Ophion’s face only to find the dragon looking down at you with an expression you don’t expect. Remorse, or maybe pity? You aren’t entirely sure, but you do know that this reaction is out of the ordinary for someone who prides himself so much on being above all else. His voice is softer than his usually bold declarations as he tells you that if this is truly the moment where the two of you are joined together, then now should be the moment that he lays everything bare before you beforehand. That perplexes you further - it’s easy to mistake that as perhaps some steamy remark, but something in the pit of your stomach tells you otherwise, and with a feeling of unease you agree.

He leads you to take a seat, never straying his hand from its hold on yours yet keeping his grip loose as he allows you a moment to get comfortable. There is no easy way to tell someone about the details of the kidnapping and the orb, but he is straightforward and honest in his explanation, telling you everything. It’s a lot to take in, hearing about the previous loops and how so many of them involved scenarios where the two of you were well into the throes of a relationship; just hearing about some of the things he’s able to recall has you flustered but incredibly happy knowing that you got together in previous loops. Then, with some hesitation, he begins to fill in the brutal endings to those loops, and you now know why he’d kept the events of what happened to himself. Hearing them is a lot, but you can’t even imagine what it must have been like to experience firsthand, even if they technically haven’t happened in this loop. 

Your expression must have reflected the mess of emotions that were filling you, as Ophion squeezes your hand in a comforting gesture and you are now acutely aware of the fact that his hold on you is loose as though you are something fragile in his hands - you don’t want to be fragile; you aren’t going to break. He tells you this so that there are no secrets between you going forward - you have every right to know and he’s not foolish enough to think that hiding this information would benefit you in any way. But, he also tells you this to make a promise to you now - he will not make the errors that his previous selves were imprudent enough to make. It’s a promise that he made to himself that day, and a promise that he is renewing before you right now, both as this loop’s Ophion and as your partner; and he will use this moment now as a stepping stone to prove to you that he’s as good as his word and that he can be a worthy lover.

Oniwaka

Oniwaka has been going out of his way to avoid you since the kidnapping incident - he refused to talk about what had happened to him on the day, and as soon as he’d had the chance, he’d made himself scarce, disappearing for long periods of time. It worried you, especially given how before this point you guys were inseparable, practically stuck at the hip. Wherever you went, Oniwaka was sure to follow; now, the roles were reversed. Seeking him out was harder than you thought, and the fact he was purposefully staying out of sight didn’t make it easier, but you were never one to back down from a challenge - you needed to get this off of your chest before he decided to fall right out of your life.

You were obvious with your intentions from the get go, never hiding your emotions or how you were feeling so that both Oni and everyone else around you had an inkling regarding your feelings towards the oni. Wasting time was never your strong suit, so it was only a matter of time before you ended up coming right out and saying it, admitting your feelings so you could find out whether they were reciprocated or not. Surely you weren’t the only one feeling this way, after all the things you and Oniwaka had been through together, surely he saw there was something more there, a deeper relationship that you both desired to have, be it now or later on down the line.

He’s suspected that this was coming - he saw the signs - but even he didn’t think you would be so forthcoming with it. And now he’s staring you down, looking at your hopefully expression determined and desperate for an answer, regardless of whether it was a yes or no. He should say no outright, to turn you down in the hopes that it will be enough for you to go away and forget about him, to find someone else who doesn’t have your deaths on his hands. But he can’t - he still has feelings for you, but he still refuses to forgive himself for those past loops; he’s torn, so much so that the words just can’t come out - not a rejection, nor an acceptance of your feelings. What comes out instead is a slow “Don’t...don’t do this”, which makes you freeze. Don’t do what? He expects you to know - you can’t give him this choice, because you both know that he could never say no when it comes to you

You try to ask what he means but he shakes his head, cursing that he doesn’t have time for this and begins to walk away from you, which sparks a wave of anger from you in response. Seriously? He doesn't even have the guts to tell you why he’s turning you down and expects you to be okay with him walking away? Without thinking you catch up to him, the annoyance rising in your voice as you demand he slow down and just talk to you, pestering, and pestering, until finally the tension that’s in the air reaches its peak and he whirls around, bellowing out:

“I’M NOT GONNA SAY I LOVE YOU JUST TO WATCH YOU DIE AGAIN, OKAY?!”

The very air itself seems to freeze and your heart drops into your stomach. Again? You know that it isn’t a mistake, the sheer look of guilt on his face is enough to convince you it wasn’t just a slip of the tongue - something happened, and you demand to know what it is. If it involves you and him you need to know. What comes next is a flurry of information. Oniwaka knows he’s put his foot in it and that you won’t leave it alone until you get your answers, you’ve always been persistent, it’s one of the reasons he liked you, but it couldn’t be more frustrating now. In a twisted way, Oni hopes that you finding out about his hand in your past deaths will be enough to convince you to stay away, to back off and run back to the Summoners for the protection he feels like he can no longer provide. And for a moment he almost gets it; once you’re filled in you’re unusually silent, staring down at your hands with an expression torn between confused and shocked realizing the state of your own mortality. You should turn around and run away, get away so that he can put as much distance between the two of you as possible and keep an eye on you from a distance from now on. You should...but you don’t

You run into his arms with enough force to knock the air out of his lungs and Oniwaka makes a choked sound, clearly taken off guard. He tries to push you away, telling you that he shouldn’t but you don’t budge, only tightening your hold refusing to let go of him. He loses conviction quickly, the hands trying to push you away reduced to pawing uselessly at your chest to make you let go even if he really doesn’t want you to. Oniwaka cusses out your persistence but his head drops down, eyes screwed shut as the emotions he’s been keeping in come bubbling over like a boiling pot.

It takes a moment for the words to come but soon enough they’re flowing from your mouth. Whatever happened back in those past loops isn’t now - the people you were in those past loops aren't the people standing like this, right now. You will never fault him for the actions that his other selves made, even if he does - you trust him, you know this version of him would never do that to you, and above all else you love this Oniwaka, not any other, and if he thinks you’re just gonna give up what you guys have for something like that he’s got another thing coming. You don’t look up, head pressed flush against his chest as you listen to his heartbeat hammering away behind his ribs like it would burst at any moment. There’s a hitch in his breath, a shaky inhale before a quivering “idiot” and then his arms wrap around you, returning your hug with enough force to have your chuckle come out strained as he buries his face into your hair. Small droplets hit the top of your head, and you don’t need to look at him to know that he’s crying - his burly form shudders as you continue to hug him, hoping above anything that your actions will convey more than your words ever could.

Zabaniyya

You already had a suspicion that something was wrong - there’s been a level of distance between you and Zabaniyya ever since the incident with those mysterious kidnappers with the orb. You’d chalked it up to him taking time to recover from what happened, and you don’t blame him; you still have unanswered questions about what exactly he went through, but you aren’t going to push him on the issue until he’s in a better place or has moved on from the event. Zabaniyya is visited by you often, even more so than before as you’re hoping to be a shoulder for him to lean on and trust. It’s because of this that the two of you often have moments together, small moments where you can’t help but feel like there’s something more there - something that if you really pushed, could lead to a deeper bond in your relationship. But now’s not the time, you have to keep reminding yourself about that fact, you’re pretty sure Zab’s not ready for things to go any further than they have.

But time has passed, and the longer time goes on the harder it gets to keep your feelings to yourself - you’d been meaning to confess earlier, before all of this happened, but when Zabaniyya has disappeared you’d worried yourself into a frenzy searching every crevice of Tokyo to find where he’d been taken. And once you’d found him and you saw his reaction upon seeing you, you knew that your feelings would have to go onto the back burner to focus on being there for him as he moves on from the kidnapping. If he moved on...

But there’s a kindling in your chest, welling up to the surface with each passing day until you knew you just couldn’t wait any longer - that event made you realize that you could lose the people close to you just like that, and you might not ever get the chance to get this off of your chest if this ever happened again (a thought that keeps you up for more nights than you can count). Finally, your feelings come bubbling to the surface during one of your meetings with him. The last thing that Zabaniyya expected from you was a confession, watching you bear your soul out to him during a moment behind closed doors. Being left in a room alone with you, Zabaniyya feels anxious - he’d never dream of raising a violent hand against you, but he had still gone out of his way to make sure the two of you were never alone, always around someone whom he trusted to protect you if need be. So seeing you now, standing so close to him he feels uneasy, the memories he was shown of the previous loops flashing before him in an all too familiar pattern. He doesn’t deserve your confession of love, no matter how much he desires them; he doesn’t deserve to have these feelings directed at him when you are so oblivious to the egregious actions he’s committed.

You’re met with silence as your response, but his eyes speak for him. There’s confliction behind his neutral facade, pooling behind his eyes as you look upon him, gaze unwavering. You call out his name and he actually flinches, an action you’ve rarely seen from the angel before; your brows furrow and you call his name again, watching as his eyes stray from yours to look away. The third time you call his name you step forward, closing the distance and reaching out as you attempt to explain that if something’s wrong you’re here to listen, and that if he wants to he can just forget about the whole confession. You want to comfort him, but also find out what’s keeping his silence, so you cover his hands with your own.

The moment your hands come to clasp around his is what seems to break him. 

Zabaniyya’s body trembles before he drops to his knees, kneeling before you. He brings your hands, still clasped around his, to press against his forehead and he bows his head as a slew of apologies flow from his lips as though begging for forgiveness. Your heart clenches at the sight, not yet understanding why he’s doing this, but seeing the angel in genuine distress hurts a part of you that has you feeling both sick and anxious. 

Any attempts to coax answers out of him whilst he’s like this only gets is a declaration of how he has failed you, an incorrigible betrayal of your trust. Now that really concerns you; as far as you’re aware, Zabaniyya has done nothing of the sort to ‘betray you’, and you have absolute faith that he wouldn’t do that, but of course you don’t know what he knows, and while he’s in such a state you doubt that you will be able to get it out of him. So instead you do the only thing you can think of to comfort him.

You sink down to your knees, leaning down so that you’re face to face with Zabaniyya, and gently move your hands from out of his grip. He releases them immediately, as though suddenly catching himself in a moment of weakness, but he bristles as you cup a hand against his cheek. He raises his head and your eyes meet; seeing you looking at him, smile warm, loving and alive, tugs at something within himself and he allows his eyes to close, leaning into the palm of your hand and shoulders dropping, momentarily relieved of the weight they’ve been carrying since that fateful day. 

He looks almost defeated, as though you’ve found a chink in his armor, and you want nothing more than to patch it up, to fill those breaks with everything you have until he doesn’t have to look at you with confliction behind his every breath. But you can’t build him up, at least not yet, not when he hasn’t told you everything that you need to know. For now you reach and wrap your arms around his shoulders, hands spread flat against his upper back as you hug him; there’s hesitation, but the next moment Zabaniyya is in your arms, and you can feel the flames that burn within him, pulsing beneath his skin in a slew of emotions you have yet to understand. After this you’ll finally find out the whole story about what happened with him and the orb, but for this moment Zabaniyya needs this, the silence in the room filled with his whispered pleads for forgiveness as you continue to hold him close.

[howtosingit]

Fic: An Open Heart is an Open Wound to You

Days after the solar storm, Carlos and TK spend another night under the stars.

* 

Basically, a re-do of the 1x02 disaster dinner, taking place just after 1x10.

4.1K | Also on AO3

——————

Carlos can’t help but to let out a deep sigh as soon as he steps foot into his apartment. There’s a stillness to the space, a quiet that comforts him. It’s been so hard for him to find that kind of peace in the past two weeks; between the shooting, the lack of sleep from the fallout of the shooting, the solar storm, and the additional work following the solar storm, he feels like he hasn’t had a moment alone to catch his breath. It’s making him feel off-balance, like he hasn’t been able to fully adjust to everything going on around him.

So, he takes a shower, and it helps. He can feel waves of tension flowing off him as he stands under the hot water. He breathes deeply, taking in the heat, cleansing his lungs. He massages his eyelids, his neck and shoulders, his arms, driving away the tightness that he’s felt building. It’s relaxing, and he stays under the shower head much longer than he planned to, swaying in and out of full consciousness. 

What feels like an hour later, he returns to his kitchen, opening the fridge to see what he can pull together to eat. He’s much calmer than before, but there’s still something off about his apartment. He looks around the room, trying to spot what might be making him feel on-edge, but nothing looks out of place. He can’t pinpoint what it is, but he feels like something’s missing. 

He’s staring off into space, brows furrowed in thought, when his phone buzzes on the counter next to him. The name on the screen brings a sudden smile to his face, one that drives his current concerns to the back of his mind.

Wanna come over?

His eyebrows raise slightly in surprise; in the many months that he has known TK, the man has never invited him over to his place. Sure, their moment on top of his Camaro only two nights ago seemed to imply that they might be moving in a different direction, but still... This feels big, in a way, and Carlos is ashamed to admit it, but he didn’t think TK would be taking big swings this soon. 

His delay in responding becomes obvious when his phone buzzes again in his hand.

I miss you.

His eyebrows raise even higher, this time accompanied by a soft smile. It’s not that TK has been constantly emotionally distant, but he’s not usually this forthcoming either, especially through text. Carlos huffs out a laugh, thinking about how it’s only been a couple of days since they had some alone time, but how much he has also missed his… whatever they are now. And since Carlos has never really been one to hide his true feelings, he doesn’t hesitate to tell TK that.

I’ve missed you too. Be there in 20 minutes, that okay? 

20 mins is perfect! No speeding, Officer Reyes ;)

Fondly, Carlos rolls his eyes, dropping his phone on the counter and moving towards his bedroom. If he’s going to see TK, he’s going to need to wear something other than his faded sweatpants. 

--------

Eighteen minutes later, he’s pulling up outside the Strand house, tapping his fingers nervously on the steering wheel as he comes to a stop. He doesn’t even know why he’s feeling anxious; he’s known TK for months now, and he’s seen a lot of different sides of the man that he’s come to care for deeply. For some reason, this invitation feels like a turning point for them, and the pressure of what that could mean causes him to rub at his forehead, trying to lessen the stress he feels building there. He just really wants this to work out, probably more than he’s ever wanted anything, if he’s being honest.

Shaking himself, he gets out of the car and moves up the front path towards the house, noting the absence of Captain Strand’s truck in the drive. With a deep breath, he raises his hand to the door and gently knocks. 

It must be only seconds later when the door opens, almost as if TK was standing there in wait. Their eyes immediately link, a gentle softness that pulls a breath from Carlos. He just saw TK earlier this week, but that doesn’t stop Carlos from feeling like he’s seeing him for the very first time; it happens more often than he will probably ever admit. 

“Hi,” TK says gently, cutting through the silence. Carlos feels his smile widen slightly in response. He takes a chance and steps through the doorway, sliding his arms underneath TK’s to wrap him in a hug, mindful of his shoulder. TK tenses in surprise before huffing out a laugh, wrapping his own arms around Carlos’s shoulders.

“Hi,” Carlos replies, pressing his face into TK’s neck. He’s quickly discovered that it’s his favorite place to be.

“Hi,” TK breathes out, nuzzling Carlos behind the ear. He shivers in response, feeling a little ridiculous, but he kind of doesn’t ever want this moment to end. Before he can say anything further, his stomach lets out a small groan and he feels TK begin to shake with laughter as he pulls away slightly, giving him an amused look. “Either you're hungry, or I’m awakening some very strange parts of your body.” 

Carlos rolls his eyes. “You awaken every part of my body, cariño” he says, knowing full-well how stupid it sounds as it comes out, but he also notices how TK’s eyes darken just a bit, so he can’t be too embarrassed. “I am a bit hungry, though,” he admits. “Work was a little crazy and I skipped lunch.”

TK grins, letting out a small noise of understanding. “I just may be able to help you with that,” he says, grabbing Carlos’s hand and turning to lead him further into the house. He follows, gripping tightly to TK’s hand as he looks around. The decor doesn’t surprise him — it’s very similar to the remodeled firehouse, and he recognizes Captain Strand’s commitment to his personal style. It makes Carlos smile, happy to see a little further into TK’s world. 

TK leads him to the back of the house and through the sliding patio door into the backyard, where he stops abruptly, Carlos jerking quickly to the side to avoid running into him. He looks out at the small, fenced-in area, and can’t help the sharp breath that steals into his chest.

The yard features a picnic table, currently ladened with a full dining setup. He can see multiple candles at both ends, dishes of food next to those, and two plates at the center. Near the middle, he sees two champagne flutes and an ice bucket with two bottles sweating in the mild Texas heat. Carlos’s gaze shifts upward, above the table, eyeing the string lights that criss-cross over the table, twinkling softly. He grips TK’s hand tightly, intertwining their fingers as he feels himself vibrate with overwhelming emotion. TK never fails to surprise him, and it knocks him back every time.

He thinks the other man understands, as TK rises up to press a soft kiss to his cheek before dragging them closer to the table. Carlos allows TK to drop his hand as he reaches for one of the bottles and pours two glasses of sparkling golden liquid for them. He’s confused as he silently watches, taking his glass with a small shake of his head, TK clinking them together and raising his eyebrow to indicate that Carlos should take a drink.

The minute the liquid hits his tongue, Carlos recognizes the definite lack of alcohol. “It’s grape juice,” TK confirms, a small blush on his face as he takes a sip. “I know it’s kind of childish, I just wanted to recreate the—”

Carlos cuts him off with a kiss, smiling as TK lets out a small gasp, causing Carlos to push closer, parting his lips. TK does the same and as their tongues brush against one another, Carlos can faintly taste the juice, but mostly he just tastes TK. It’s kind of his favorite taste in the world.

They get lost in each other for a moment, Carlos reaching up to grip the back of TK’s head when he senses TK’s hand on his waist. He feels like he could spend the rest of his life kissing TK and never regret a single second of it, but at some point they both need air. “I really like grape juice,” Carlos says when their lips part, pressing forward to rest his forehead against TK’s. He watches as TK’s lips raise into a soft smile.

“I hope it goes well with dinner, which I have to be honest with you, I did not make” TK says, pulling back to gesture down at the table. Carlos follows his lead, moving to sit as TK stands across from him, grabbing his plate to begin serving the food. Carlos recognizes the baked red snapper, and his heart immediately swells in his chest. “First big thing to know about me: I burn water. You do not want me to cook for you.”

Carlos lets out a sound of disagreement, staring up at TK as he moves along the table filling the plate with salad and bread and asparagus. “I’d be happy to give you some lessons,” he says. “I love to cook.”

“I remember,” TK says, a slight grimace on his face. He doesn’t let it linger though. “You really think you could teach me a thing or two? People have tried before.”

“I think we could at least get you past the ‘burning water’ phase,” Carlos jokes as his plate is placed in front of him. “This all looks incredible, TK. All of it,” he says, gesturing to the entire set-up. 

TK blushes down at his plate before reaching for his glass, raising it to hover between them. “To surviving a solar storm,” he toasts, and Carlos responds, taking another sip. “Speaking of, how’s work? You said today was crazy?”

Carlos nods, diving into his day as they begin to eat. It’s easy, comfortable conversation, with TK responding with his own insight into what’s going on at the firehouse. He may not be back at work, but his team texts him constantly in their group chat, and he’s stopped by to hang out with Buttercup a couple of times. When TK speaks, Carlos can’t help but stare openly, watching as his bright green eyes reflect the twinkling lights above them. The thought of TK is usually enough to make his brain short-circuit, but seeing him here, so relaxed and happy as he shares a story about Marjan and Mateo and a prank gone wrong, Carlos can’t help but to admire his radiance. He’s unlike anyone that Carlos has ever seen. 

“This was delicious, TK, thank you,” he says, tossing a napkin onto his now-empty plate. “It means a lot that you did all of this for me.”

TK, who at this point is completely relaxed, stares across the table at him, tapping his fingers along the wood grain. For a minute, they just sit in silence, staring at one another, happy to be sharing time and space. Carlos watches as TK rises and moves around the table, leaning down to press a short kiss to his lips. He grabs his hand and moves away, pulling Carlos up from the table. “Come sit with me.”

Carlos happily follows TK over to a garden bench off to the side that he had missed when he first entered the yard. They sit side-by-side, TK immediately folding himself into his side as Carlos puts an arm around his shoulder, careful of his healing injury. TK grips the hand in his lap, caressing his fingers, almost as if he’s distracting himself. Carlos waits with bated breath, unsure what he might be building to say.

“I used to dream about moments like this,” TK says into the silence. Carlos glances down at him, but TK is looking off towards the table and the twinkling lights, lost in thought. “My high school friends used to laugh at me all the time about my high aspirations for romance.

“I think I blame my parents. They may have gotten a divorce, but the minute I heard how they met, I knew soulmates were real. Something about the idea of a young firefighter and a stressed-out law student meeting because she forgot about her dinner in the oven while studying and nearly burned her building down, it just screamed everlasting love to me.”

Carlos huffs out a laugh, somewhat in response to the story but mostly in response to what TK is doing; he’s never openly shared so much personal information before. He can feel TK’s smile against his chest. 

“Even when they separated, I convinced myself that it wasn’t because they didn’t love each other, it was just because the world wasn’t built to support their love story. And then, years later, when I realized I was gay, I couldn’t help but wonder if the world was built to support mine.”

Carlos grips TK’s hand in his own, feeling the pain of his words. He remembers feeling similarly when he discovered the truth about himself. It’s a feeling that he knows will probably never go away completely.

“But my parents were completely supportive,” TK continues. “I never doubted their love for me, not about that. So, with all of that support surrounding me, I kept believing in love. In the fairytale of it all, the earth-shattering romance. Even when things got harder, I still believed in that dream.

“I dated a lot in college. I put myself out there, I charmed boys, I wooed them. I did everything I could to make it feel big, make it feel like that dream that I wanted. The problem is, you can’t just create a big love story out of nothing. I tried really hard to do that, too hard. Like, ‘dated a user and used with him because I thought it would bring us closer’ level of trying. Turns out, pills can help fill the gaps that you’re trying to fill with guys who don’t give a shit and dads who choose their work over you.”

Carlos can feel TK shaking, and he tightens his grip on him, learning down to press a kiss to his temple. TK turns his head just slightly, pressing his lips against Carlos’s shirt, near his rapidly beating heart. He knows it’s impossible to actually feel it against his skin, but Carlos can’t help but feel like TK has branded him. 

“My addiction got bad enough that my parents couldn’t ignore it anymore. I went to a rehab place upstate the summer after my graduation. When I came back, I enrolled in the academy. I’d always wanted to be a firefighter, and Dad was happy to have me close, to watch me. It worked for a few years. I fell in love with my job, with the high that comes with saving people. I stayed away from pills, I did the casual thing with guys. It wasn’t my old dream, but it felt okay. And then I met Alex.”

TK pauses, pulling away with a sigh to lean back against the bench, looking up at the night sky. Carlos adjusts himself to accommodate the sudden change, his nerves spiking at the movement, but also at the heavy way that TK speaks the name. 

“He was a nice guy,” TK says, still looking upwards. “Better than any of my college boyfriends, better than the casual hookups. He was a photographer, we met at a first responder fundraiser. He was nice to look at and we looked good together. I felt good with him. 

“My dad didn’t care for him. He thought Alex was too self-centered, too interested in who he was going to be and not at all interested in where he was or who he was with. I don’t really know if that’s true. Looking back, I can see that I fell into my try-too-hard behavior from before: I planned all of our dates, I introduced him to all of my friends, I bought him nonsense gifts just because, I said ‘I love you’ first. I was always the one putting my heart out there. I didn’t see all of that then, though. I thought he was my soulmate. I thought he was my dream, and I wanted to marry him.”

TK closes his eyes, heaving out a heavy sigh. Carlos itches to hold him again, but he doesn’t know where this all is going, and he wants to respect TK’s need for space. He scoots over just a bit, pressing their sides together again, but he doesn’t reach out, choosing instead to leave his palm lying flat against his thigh. It feels like forever, but finally, TK reaches out and takes his hand again, interlocking their fingers. 

“You know the rest,” he says with a sigh. “Nuclear breakup, at the dinner where I was going to propose. He had been seeing someone else for months. It’s so obvious to me now, he was always pulling away, filling his evenings with ‘work.’ There was this distance between us, and I didn’t see it. Or I didn’t want to see it. And then it all just collapsed around me, this fairytale idea of what our relationship was, and I couldn’t handle it. So I tried to fill the gaps again, and I went too far.” 

Carlos shutters out a small gasp at the reminder of TK’s overdose. No matter how many times he thinks about it, he can’t get past the idea that he was this close to never meeting the man sitting next to him. He was so close to never experiencing everything that TK makes him feel and want. TK turns, his eyes full of concern, and pulls their bodies together, caressing the back of Carlos’s neck as they both breathe deeply in each other’s arms. 

“You weren’t supposed to find me so soon, Carlos Reyes. When I got here, I wasn’t anything like myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I couldn’t feel anything, and I didn’t want to. I was so tired of trying. I was tired of losing myself to this idea of something that, clearly, I could never have. 

“And then you walked up to me in that bar and I… Carlos, men like you are not supposed to exist,” TK says with a laugh. Carlos rolls his eyes, opening his mouth to speak, but TK cuts him off before he can say anything. “Don’t argue with me on this, I’m right. I’ll ask every single person in Austin, and they’ll say the same thing. Even the straight guys.

“But there you were, and I may not have wanted to feel anything, but you didn’t give me a choice. You were otherworldly. And you have to know, you’re the best partner I’ve ever had in bed.”

Carlos can feel himself blush as he turns to hide in TK’s uninjured shoulder. He hears the firefighter laugh, and feels him press his cheek against Carlos’s curls.

“I mean it! I’ve never had anyone give so much of themselves to me before. It was overwhelming, in the best way. You lit me up, Carlos. And I couldn’t stay away, even when I really wanted to.” 

Carlos closes his eyes, knowing what TK’s going to say next. 

“That night,” TK says, squeezing Carlos tighter as his voice stutters. “Carlos, you have to know that I have so many regrets about that night and the way I reacted, the way I treated you. I’m so sorry.”

“Ty, I know,” Carlos says, raising his head to look TK in the eye. He cups his cheek, trying to rub away the stress that he can see on TK’s face. “You’ve already apologized for that, and I forgave you.”

“I know, I know,” TK replies, covering Carlos’s hand with his own. “But let me explain, okay. It’s important to me.” When Carlos nods, he goes on. “No one, and I mean no one, that I have ever dated has done something like that for me. Cooking me a full dinner after midnight, just because you wanted to see me, talk to me, get to know me?”

“It was ridiculous, I can’t believe I did that,” Carlos huffs, shaking his head. 

“It was my dream, Carlos,” TK whispers. Carlos’s eyes widen at his candor as they stare openly at one another. “That dinner was like something out of every dream that I have ever had about romance. The idea that someone would go to such lengths just to spend time with me? That they would understand my life in such a way that they wouldn’t be put off by my weird schedule? That they would light candles, and dress nicely, and serve me dinner? That was everything that I ever dreamed of, and something I had never had. And it scared the hell out of me.” 

“Ty, you don’t have to be scared of me,” Carlos tries, but TK keeps going.

“I know that now,” he says, “but then? Then I didn’t want those feelings. I didn’t want the dream. The dream had hurt me, the wound felt too fresh. I didn’t want the big, romantic fairytale. I just wanted simple and easy, and I hurt you. I was selfish and I made a mess of everything, and I’ll always be sorry for that.”

Carlos pulls away then, breathing deeply as he clutches TK’s hand in his. This is so much more than he expected for this evening, and he needs a moment to process. He looks at the night sky, the stars twinkling along with the lights hanging in his periphery. He wants to tell TK that he doesn’t have to keep apologizing, but he doesn’t think that his words would be enough. He realizes now that this dinner was TK’s way of making amends for that night. It means a lot to him that he would go this far to show how much he cares, even if Carlos forgave him months ago. A gentle breeze rustles the leaves on a nearby tree in the backyard, and Carlos gets an idea.

He rises from the bench, pulling his phone out of his back pocket and opening his music app. He clicks play on a song, keeping the volume low as he turns back towards TK. The other man is looking up at him, his face concerned as his eyes continue to twinkle in the lights. Carlos holds out his hand. “Can I share something with you now?”

TK doesn’t hesitate before taking his hand and following Carlos to the middle of the backyard. He turns and gathers TK into his arms, pressing him close as he starts to sway to the gentle guitar music. TK seems confused at first, but he slowly allows Carlos to turn them in a slow circle.

“I’m not a dream, Ty,” Carlos speaks softly into his ear. “I’m a person, just like you. And I’m not a perfect person, as much as I try to be. I’m going to make mistakes. You’ll make mistakes. We’ll make mistakes together. We’ll fight sometimes, we’ll scare each other. It’s going to be a lot. I’m not a person who feels things casually. I’m an all-in kind of guy.”

Carlos pulls back, cupping TK’s face in his hands. His eyes are shining with tears that have yet to fall, and Carlos can’t help but press his lips to TK’s forehead in comfort. 

“There are going to be more messes,” Carlos adds, staring directly into the eyes of the man that he probably already loves. “But I already know that I would rather make a million messes with you than live a mess-free life with anyone else.”

A tear falls onto TK’s cheek as he raises his hands to grip Carlos’s wrists, keeping his palms pressed against his face. 

“I’d rather be scared with you than have it easy with anyone else,” TK whispers, his eyes heavy as they refuse to break contact. 

Carlos feels every part of him melt as he closes the gap between them, pressing his lips to TK’s in a kiss that feels like a seal, binding them together. He can taste the salt from the other man’s tears, and he pulls him closer, wrapping him in all of the love and support that he has to give.

Later, possibly minutes or hours or days even, they break the kiss, but they don’t stop swaying in each other’s arms and, in TK’s hold, Carlos realizes that he’s finally found what he had been missing all along.

[sword-dad-fukuzawa]

Analyzing Shin Soukoku’s Fighting Style: Atsushi

Alright, this is going to be a three-parter: Atsushi, Akutagawa, and then what happens when they fight together. I was contemplating doing one for Soukoku, but then I realized that Dazai isn’t actually a frontline fighter. If he had a class, he’d be command or support. Shin Soukoku is unique among the three duos in that both members are frontline fighters. 

So, Atsushi! He’s actually quite capable when he isn’t using BBtM, though certainly not on Kunikida or Chuuya’s level, simply because he has really good instincts. We see in the very beginning of the show when he accompanies Ranpo. Ranpo shoves him towards the criminal and Atsushi is clearly taken off guard, but he manages to get behind him, move his arm so the gun he’s firing discharges into the air, and slam him to the ground then pin him. This kid is untrained and obviously malnourished and he took down a trained police officer like nobody’s business. I remember reading that scene and wondering when the hell Atsushi took a level in badass. 

This segues into the next bit: Atsushi’s main advantage in combat is his ridiculous speed. He’s so fast by the Rats arc that he couldn’t be seen by the human eye. That’s stupid fast, especially in an enclosed space. Google says the human eye can process an image at 13 milliseconds. And it’s not just his legs, either. Previously in that arc, he caught a bullet in his mouth fired at point-blank range. Because this is BSD, you can’t really do the math in a way that makes sense, but google says the fastest bullets travel at 1,800 mph. He doesn’t even have much of a warning other than Kunikida’s yell, but he catches it anyway. His reaction time and physical speed are his greatest assets. 

However, because BBtM is OP as fuck, he also has advanced regeneration acting as an automatic defense. I cannot tell you the number of times this kid gets himself stabbed and shot but he got up seconds later. Not to mention how his leg got ripped off and he regenerated in a matter of seconds (just long enough for Akutagawa to gloat). Atsushi is virtually unkillable at this point with his healing factor only really beaten by Yosano’s, if in sheer magnitude. Besides, he has a leg (heh) up there, too, because BBtM heals minor wounds as well. 

There’s one exception to the above, though, and that’s the fight with the Guild and Kouyou where Atsushi gets knocked out. This seems to be the only way to beat Atsushi--to knock him out, and this happens again onboard the Moby Dick during the boss fight with Fitz. If Akutagawa hadn’t yelled “JINKOOOO” and reeled him back in, he probably would have just kept falling. This actually only happens, I suspect, because of his control. Atsushi passed out when his leg was ripped off and the tiger took over, almost mauling our favorite emo boy. For some reason, this stops happening as BSD progresses. I’m going to chalk it up to Atsushi’s increased control meaning he keeps the tiger at bay even asleep. 

Atsushi, being never trained in the art of badassery, fights mainly with tiger-boosted punches. His only attack is a sucker-punch and...a barrage of sucker punches. No, seriously. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him throw a kick. However, despite the lack of versatility, Atsushi punches hard enough to literally shatter Rashoumon. By the Rat arc, he’s expanded his repertoire to...slashing. With his awesome claws.

Here’s the thing about BBtM that isn’t clearly explained. Akutagawa says something like the tiger’s claws have the power to rip through the very fabric of an ability, and that’s how they defeat Fyodor’s creepy earthbender at the end of the Rat arc. I’m pretty sure that’s how Atsushi broke through Rashoumon as well. He also pulls similar shit in Dead Apple, breaking abilities with the sheer badassery of BBtM. It’s not actually defined (yet) so all I’ll say is, if Atsushi tries hard enough, he can slice and dice ability constructs. Most notably Rashoumon, though I suspect he would be able to do the same thing to Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter. 

His main weakness is that he seems incapable of dodging or blocking attacks, even though he’s quite good at acrobatics when you watch the Dead Apple boss fight. Instead of avoiding hits, he tanks them. Referencing his fight against Akutagawa on the cargo ship, he lets himself get stabbed over and over and over again. But because BBtM, all this does is delay a few seconds. Which, to be honest, he needs to work on. If his greatest advantage is his speed and he lets himself get stunned every few seconds, he’s not using it well. 

So, in summary! 

Advantages: as a close-range tank, Atsushi’s biggest assets are his ridiculous speed, his surprisingly good instincts and reaction time, and his OP regeneration ability. His weird, almost nullification secondary quality is good in a pinch as well. 

Weaknesses: he’s untrained. Entirely. Yeah, he’s learning from Kunikida by the time the anime drops off and the manga picks up, but this kid is a brawler at heart. He’s not good at strategic thinking and instead charges in to “hit whatever’s moving until it stops”. While his instincts compensate somewhat, like when he uses his tail to stop himself from falling, they can’t compensate entirely. 

To beat Atsushi, keep hitting him to stall for time because you cannot outrun this man, and knock him out for best results. Also, a clever enough strategy will put him out of commission, if the Hunting Dogs/Decay of Angels arc in the manga is any indication. 

Akutagawa analysis forthcoming.

[bluerosesburnblue]

It’s just now occurring to me that Seren/Talbott makes significantly more sense if you know how I’ve re-written several sidequests to better fit Seren’s personality, which I keep forgetting is not how canon went because half of these quests came out way too long ago and I’m far too attached to my rewrites

The only things that Talbott knows about Seren in Year 1 are that when she was announced for their sorting ceremony a LOT of people started whispering (about Jacob, the Dwyn Family getting kicked off of the Sacred Purebloods list, etc.) and that she sits in front of him during Transfigurations. Once he hears about what Jacob did, his curiosity is settled and he doesn’t think about her at all

I’m putting the Hagrid’s Birthday timed quest to Year 2, after you help Hagrid save Fang. That would make sense of the fact that Fang has a name and Merula’s dialogue about Dumbledore giving MC 100 House Points. And Hagrid’s birthday is December 6, so… that’s when the quest happens! December 6, 1985. (Probably starts a few days earlier, like the 3rd or 4th to account for party planning time)

This is relevant because of the moment where MC is keeping watch of Fang while Merula and Ismelda are teasing Talbott in the background by levitating his clothes and flinging him around. In the canon version of that quest, a Niffler (possibly Sickleworth since the quest came out after he was introduced?) chases them off. But, since I’m putting it in Year 2 before Rakepick is at Hogwarts there’s no reason for that Niffler (assuming it is Sickleworth) to be there

In my rewritten version it’s Seren who goes over and chases them off, because she’s not oblivious and even in Year 2, when she’s still super shy, she’s not just gonna let Merula pull something like this. It’s one of those rare moments in the early years where you can catch a glimpse of who Seren’s going to become, where she gets very assertive and fearless. It’s only because she’s defending someone else at this time, it’ll start to become her default state in later years

Of course, she’s still extremely shy and awkward and so is Talbott, so when she asks him if he’s okay he just... freezes and doesn’t say anything. And Seren doesn’t know what to do so after, like, 30 seconds of silence and just staring at each other she just kinda nervously screeches “OKAY, GREAT,” and jogs off with Fang

This is the moment that Talbott starts taking real notice of Seren. He hasn’t had anyone stick up for him like that. He remembers her sorting, now he’s trying to put together a profile of her. Figure out what she’s all about. He’s so curious, she seems so similar to him sometimes, but then she gets these bursts of confidence. Part of him wants to drop it, he figures it doesn’t matter. But then Penny (who is both Seren’s friend and her roommate) starts tutoring him in Potions and she’s telling him all these stories and he’s just getting even more invested in figuring out “what’s the deal with Seren Dwyn?”

Seren doesn’t remember the incident at all. It wasn’t the first time she’d ever chased Merula off from bullying someone, and her mind was preoccupied with party planning so she just never thought about it again. She won’t remember it even happened unless Talbott brings it up, and her response is just going to be “Wait. That was you? WAIT-”

After that moment in Year 2, they don’t interact again until Year 5. Talbott has been keeping an eye on her out of sheer curiosity for years and Seren hasn’t thought about him at all

So, that brings us to the Animagus quest, which I changed a lot. Not that there was necessarily anything wrong with it, but it was the first Timed Sidequest and was teased for long enough that I’d... kind of already plotted out how I wanted most of it to go by the time it did. Also, a good chunk of it didn’t fit with Seren’s character at all

So, first of all, third year? For one of the most difficult pieces of Transfiguration magic? Uagadou school teaches it to 14-year-olds, so it’s possible, but they’re teaching it professionally and MC is flailing about with just Talbott and Penny figuring it out in the canon quest, so I’m gonna give that year a no. Also, it makes more sense for this to occur after the second Rita quest, otherwise why would Dumbledore have to explain Animagi and the registry if MC’s already an Animagus? Personally, I’m placing the start of it in late November of fifth year (1988 – maybe January 1989)

I’m also not a fan of the fact that we’re doing this just because Penny wants to brew a tough potion. Personally, I don’t see Seren and Penny as that close. They’re friends, but I generally play it more like Penny’s more invested in their friendship than Seren is. Not to mention it completely kills any sense of agency MC has, and I’m really not a fan of all of their friends trying to force a potentially dangerous, potentially illegal life choice on them for reasons such as “I want to brew a tough potion!” and “It would be cool!” If Penny or Seren messed up even a little she could end up as a half-human-half-animal amalgamation permanently! Think of Hermione’s Polyjuice Potion mishap from Chamber of Secrets but for the rest of your life. Seren would make a life-changing, potentially dangerous decision like this for Jacob’s sake only. So the rewritten motivation is looking for any edge on the search because she’s getting frustrated that it’s been five+ years since he’s disappeared and she still can’t find him, but she has found notes suggesting that he was an unregistered Animagus (such as the potion recipe being in his room)

She’s partially trying to figure out what Jacob’s Animagus form is. If it’s informed by your personality and everyone tells her she’s “just like her brother”… then maybe her form would be close enough that she could figure out what his is (or, in a lucky break, exactly the same as his)

She gets the idea after the second Rita quest, and spends the end of Year 4/beginning of Year 5 studying up on the Animagus process and looking for any opportunity to make it work

And, because Year 5 is the year she’s stuck in detention and thus, under intense scrutiny from the faculty, it opens up opportunities to sneak out for the Vault search if she needs to so she sees little downside in trying

Seren would not be open about doing this. So cut out pretty much any friends being told about it or getting directly involved. This is a Secret Seren Project, which is pretty typical of her, actually

She’s also not gonna have Penny just brew the whole dang potion. In fact, she’s not gonna involve Penny at all. (Seren’s capable of doing things on her own, game. She doesn’t need Penny to stand next to her and tell her what to do every time she tries to brew a potion). Because she has no intention of registering (it would defeat the point of using it to sneak around), she doesn’t want anyone involved because then they become accomplices. Also, Seren just likes doing things for herself. I think she’s a little offended every time Penny refuses to let her brew potions for the Vaults

Also, no McGonagall involvement! She’s not planning on registering. Why would you tell a teacher you’re gonna commit a crime?

The only time Professor McGonagall gets involved is Seren asking theoretical questions about the Animagus process under the guise of both OWL studying and because Seren’s just known to ask questions about theoretical magic (“Do potential Animagi keep the leaf in their mouth to absorb saliva from all parts of a biological lunar cycle, or is it more a demonstration of perseverance to focus the soul?”)

So the actual meat of the quest starts pretty much the same. Tulip and Barnaby bring up Talbott at lunch one day and Tulip mentions that he seems to know a lot about Animagi. Seren shows mild interest, but not much beyond that (“What? Seems like a lot of work for not much help, to be honest.”) Secretly, she’s ecstatic because she’s finally got a chance at making an Animagus transformation work beyond what she’s read about it (the potion she could do on her own, but he might be able to show her the spell and probably won’t turn her in to the wizard cops)

She asks Talbott about it at dinner when all of her friends are gone and she’s pretty sure nobody’s around to hear it. Talbott still overheard them, and still references it, but it’s more of an “I heard what you were discussing at lunch” thing. She asks him what he knows, they do their little back-and-forth. Then he brings up that she’s got a reputation for helping people with occasionally sketchy things with no questions asked (*cough*CHARLIE AND THE DRAGON EGG*cough*) and she’s pretty forthcoming about it (“Just keep in mind that I’m both a Prefect and in eternal detention, so request wisely.”)

Secretly, Talbott is very excited. Seren contacted him first and finally gave him an excuse to follow her around and finally get those answers about what her deal is that he’s been craving for years. He’s not even thinking about her as a possible friend or anything, he just wants to figure out what makes her just... act for the sake of others, completely without thinking about damage to herself, and with such wild conviction that every year she seems to outdo herself in wild success with tasks that should be way above the average student’s skill. Part of it reminds him of his parents, but he’s also just found her so interesting from afar (made even worse when Seren goes through her drastic change in presentation at the start of Year 4 and starts acting like she did when she chased Merula off all the time). She’s like the world’s most intricate puzzle

In this rewrite, Talbott is still looking for potion ingredients for Penny, but they’re not for an Animagus potion. They’re for the Draught of Peace that she’s making to help out Madam Pomfrey because she’s being overwhelmed with kids coming in overly stressed about OWLs and NEWTs, and Penny knows what it feels like to be so stressed that you feel you need the potion (but she also respected Seren’s advice to not take it to deal with the Beatrice situation, at least not without Madam Pomfrey’s supervision). It ends up being a “you scratch my back, I scratch yours” between Talbott and Seren. Help me break into Filch’s office to get confiscated potions supplies because Professor Snape won’t let Penny borrow enough to make all of the Draught of Peace that she wants to, and I’ll teach you what I know about being an Animagus. Talbott has them pick up the materials for the Animagus potion while they’re collecting stuff for Penny. He’s tempted to ask Seren about herself, but just ends up staying silent and watching how she handles getting the ingredients

Seren is way less pushy about being Talbott’s friend than MC is in the quest. She still teases him about his use of “we” but it’s more of a partners-in-crime jab. Like, it’s Seren. She can relate to everyone thinking you’re a weirdo. She can relate to wanting to go solo and avoid people. She’s not even sure how she has friends, they just sort of happened. So when Talbott says “I fly solo,” Seren doesn’t tell him “everyone needs friends,” she says “Understood. But I’m here to help if you ever need some.”

They deliver Penny’s stuff and she’s honestly surprised they’re hanging out. Talbott insists that Seren’s only there because he needed to get into Filch’s office, Penny buys it because this really isn’t the first time Seren’s helped someone without question. Heck, this isn’t the first time Seren’s done weird things to get potion ingredients for her. So Talbott gets to teaching Seren about the Animagus transformation (and supervises her. They’re not friends! But he doesn’t want her to get seriously injured doing this. This is the girl that stuck up for him years ago)

Because it’s Seren, she’s got the entire Animagus process planned down to the second. She’s scheduled her leaf-in-mouth thing to overlap with Christmas break, which she plans to spend in Hogwarts and won’t need to talk to anyone during (Wed. Nov 23 –  Fri. Dec 23 1988, with Dec 23 – Sat. Jan 21 1989 as a backup date if she swallows the leaf. She’s praying for luck with the full moons). She’s got an old-fashioned windup alarm and an almanac to get the times for dawn and dusk right (and Christmas break means she’ll have the dorm room to herself, so she won’t wake up her roommates and give away what she’s doing). She’s even got some gum to secure the leaf to the roof of her mouth/under her tongue

Her plans get derailed HARD when Bill and Charlie decide to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas to keep her company because she stayed during fourth year to avoid going home to parents who were going to ignore her or yell at her, and who hadn’t had it in them to celebrate Christmas for years, when at least she gets decorations at Hogwarts (she told Charlie this, so naturally Bill knows). She’s forced to bring them in to what she’s doing (“But you can’t tell anyone! You’re accomplices to a crime now!”)

She actually really appreciates it. She tears up a little. But seriously, boys, this was not the best time to do that

They can’t help her keep track of doing the spell at dawn, but they can totally run shouting at her when dusk’s approaching. She ends up keeping the leaf in her mouth on the first try

Talbott also stayed over for Christmas because he doesn’t really have anywhere else to go

Heck, I could see Seren inviting him to sit with them for Christmas breakfast and the four of them just sharing a nice, happy moment for once. Seren gives out gifts. Charlie is DELIGHTED at the dragon sculpture that she enchanted to move around (and she’s delighted that it actually worked. She jumps up and cheers when it bursts out of the box like she planned). She even gives Talbott some cookies she baked (“Consider them a thank-you for all of your help with that project.”)

Also, Seren starts singing Christmas songs at breakfast and Professor Flitwick overhears. He IMMEDIATELY starts trying to get her to come back to the Frog Choir after she joined briefly in Year 4 and then quit at the end of the year. But, oh man, professor, she quit for a reason and now she’s a Prefect, too, and there’s just no TIME…

Gobstones with Talbott in the courtyard still happens, but this time it’s over winter break and there’s no one out there to hear him confess his backstory to her, and no one around to see him transform into an eagle and fly off. It’s a huge show of trust to Seren now, and not one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen bird boy do

Seren hides the Animagus potion at the top of one of the abandoned towers that she walks near during her Prefect patrols (probably the Lookout Tower due to the open area) and uses her patrol schedule to go hide it. Do Prefects even need to patrol during winter break? I mean, probably. There’s still kids there and likely a shortage of Prefects

Choses a thundersnow storm at some point during the break to complete the ritual. It is freezing, and very dramatic. Bill and Charlie are there just in case something goes horribly wrong

Seren transforms into a raven and it’s the happiest she’s been in a long freaking time. She perches on Bill’s arm, she perches on Charlie’s shoulder. She changes back and she’s laughing and crying and just so happy that it all worked so well and it’s like, a tangible thing. It’s physical proof that she’s getting skilled enough to get Jacob back. And it’s the best Christmas present she’s ever given herself

The three of them get caught by Professor McGonagall leaving the tower, but do a bit where they pretend that Seren heard something up there during a patrol and called them over to help her investigate it just in case, but it was just the wind knocking the loose door around. Bill does an excellent performance miming the door swinging back and forth while Charlie nods enthusiastically. It’s very convincing, I assure you. McGonagall does let them go, assuming they were just getting up to some Christmas fun

At some point a particular golden eagle hanging out in the Owlery gets his day rudely interrupted by a very loud and excitable raven. He can hear Seren giggle out a “thank you” when she leaves. He’d never admit it, but he found it charming. And then immediately tried to convince himself that he did not think that about her, because it’s dangerous to get attached (but it’s already begun to be too late for that)

(Side note, but Rowan eventually finds out by accident late Year 5. She stumbles into Seren transformed in their dorm, freaks out that there’s a bird in there, and Seren has to transform back and tell her everything to calm her down. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier!?” “I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO BE AN ACCOMPLICE!”)

After everything that happens in the quest, Talbott’s started developing a friend-crush on Seren. She’s quiet and respects his space, she’s pretty damn smart (he’s particularly impressed at how much she knew about the Animagus process without him telling her), and there’s something about how dedicated she is to whatever she decides to do that interests him

Seren kind of thought that at the end of the quest, she and Talbott already were friends. And she was really happy to have a friend with the same sense of humor as her, who she could have some really interesting discussions with. But...

After worrying that he’s starting to like her too much, Talbott kinda ignores Seren for a couple of months, which makes her upset but she doesn’t know how to bring it up with him. Then Flying Solo happens around the beginning of April. It’s 80% the same, minus MC being pushy about being Talbott’s friend. Other minor changes are:

When learning Obliviate from Flitwick, Seren insists that both of them do the spell as it’s only fair, and she catches on easily since she’s started Legilimency training by then which gives her an edge with mind-based spells

Instead of telling Talbott some big secret, Seren goes on a five minute rant about how much she hates potatoes (”You’ll never forget how much I hate them when I’m done!”). Talbott tells her that he’s wanted to talk to her since their second year when she saved him from Merula but he didn’t know how. This elicits the above “Wait, that was you?” response before he Obliviates her

Seren ends up being really shaky and mumbling a bit after Talbott Obliviates her, and he’s terrified that he messed something up before she gets herself coherent enough to say that she felt this exact sensation earlier in the year (Pettigrew Obliviating MC). This relates to my headcanon that as a Legilimens, Seren’s more sensitive to mental spells like Obliviate. Flitwick recalls the incident and assures Talbott that Seren will be fine, Seren thanks Talbott for finally proving to her that she was Obliviated that night

Talbott and Seren agree to tell each other what they Obliviated. Seren tells him about the potato rant at the fountain that night when they’re waiting for Merula to show up, and Merula shows up just before Talbott can tell Seren about when she helped him in Year 2. He never does tell her, Seren forgets that he was supposed to entirely (though I think he will when they’re adults)

The thing about Year 5 Seren is that she’s... uh... constantly about to snap at any given moment, so the idea of Merula finding out about not just her illegal Animagus status, but Talbott’s (which, funny enough, is even better blackmail material because Seren prioritizes others over herself) sets her off. Bad. When it comes time to Obliviate Merula, Seren just tells Talbott to follow her lead, he already did his part getting Merula there

Seren successfully Obliviates Merula and then, less than a second after, Depulsos her into the wall. Talbott is just... stunned and confused as Seren walks up to Merula ranting about how she can’t do anything without Merula following her, makes a show of reluctantly apologizing “but you really startled the shit out of me!” and drags her up by her sleeve

The goal was to overwhelm Merula so that she wouldn’t even have time to process what was happening or that she could have been Obliviated. It works. A very disoriented Merula asks what happened and Seren pointedly pulls a notebook from her bag and slams it into Talbott’s chest “I was trying to help Talbott catch up on our Tranfigurations work when you came up behind me shouting! If you need Rakepick so bad, she’s not here. Can’t even do something as simple as this without you getting involved, can I!?”

Merula leaves after questioning what Seren even has to do with Talbott anyway, which lets both of them know that the Obliviation worked. Talbott’s kind of confused about his feelings because that whole display was both very smart, but very aggressive and a little intimidating. When he asks her about why she even helped him at all she tells him that she “wasn’t about to let Merula put you in danger, especially since it was my fault anyway.” It really clicks for him in that moment that Seren will genuinely go to any length she needs to to protect others, and that what’s been driving her though the Vaults is her loyalty to Jacob, that unstoppable sense of determination, and this overwhelming feeling of responsibility for everyone’s safety. He’d always though she was clever enough to be a Ravenclaw, but now he sees that the core of her is Hufflepuff ideals taken to the extreme. There’s a new sense of respect there. And then the “oh no I’m getting attached” fears kick in again

He tries to give Seren her notebook back, she insists he keep it. It’s actually just a copy of her notes that she made using Geminio that she was planning on giving him anyway to help with the classes he missed. Talbott still insists that they’re not friends. Seren doesn’t fight it. After all, she just almost exposed his secret. Even if she set it right, she knew that the breach of trust alone was probably going to be the end of things. Besides, she’s been pushing away everyone all year. What’s... one more? Especially if he’s going to push himself away

She wasn’t planning to pursue it anymore until talking with Penny over lunch and realizing that even if she kept Talbott’s secret from getting out, something’s still bothering him. And dammit, even if he doesn’t want to be her friend no one else seems to care that something’s up with him and no one deserves to be just left to struggle alone the same way that she was when Jacob went missing. So she talks to McGonagall, finds out about the necklace, firmly informs Talbott that she’s going to find it, no, she’s not leaving, just tell me where you were you don’t even have to come with me, but I am finding that necklace

The necklace search goes the same as it does in canon

During their talk at night after finding the necklace, Talbott asks Seren why she was so determined to find his necklace out of nowhere. She pulls her locket that she keeps under her clothes off and holds it in her hands for a few moments before responding “Because if I couldn’t bear the thought of losing mine, I can’t imagine what you must’ve felt.” She opens it up and hold it out for Talbott to take

He’s the first person at Hogwarts to see the enchanted picture inside that locket. Two kids, one as young as three years old, posing in front of an ivy-covered wall. The little girl is holding a plush baby seal in front of the bottom half of her face. Her brother tries to get her to smile and accidentally knocks the plush out of her hands. She looks like she’s about to cry before he scrambles to pick the plush up and starts tickling her face with it, saying something that can’t be heard. The little girl starts giggling and her brother hugs her before indicating the camera for her to smile at

“That’s him.” It’s not a question; Talbott can tell by their resemblance exactly who the boy in the photo is. Seren moves to stand next to him to look at the photo, too. “Yeah. That’s the boy who started it all. Jacob.”

After four years, Talbott finally gets what the deal with Seren Dwyn is. They talk a bit, he becomes one of the few people to learn that her father’s a Squib, her mother’s a Muggleborn, and her grandmother’s a Pureblood supremacist that hates all of them. She figures it’s only fair to share since he told her all about his parents. Seren admits that she’s jealous; she would’ve rather had parents that she believed loved her for a time, even if they were gone, than parents that she knew would never want her and that could easily come back to remind her even if she did leave. It’s a conversation that illuminates all of their similarities and differences. The mutual respect they have for how strong the other must have been to deal with the suffering, the appreciation for each others’ wit, the realization at how naturally they work together...

Talbott can’t deny that he thinks of her as his friend anymore. But to his surprise, she tells him no.

“Talbott, I’m going to strongly advise against that.”

“What? You can’t go to all this trouble and tell me we’re not friends now.”

“I just- I’m not- I can’t really stop you, but I get involved in dangerous situations every year and I don’t want you to feel you have to- to care about...”

“It’s a little late for that.”

“...I know.”

He thinks she’s cute when she’s flustered. Oh wait no oh no is this a crush???

After this it’s a little more flimsy. Not sure what exactly I want to do with them for Year 6 because I’m not entirely sure how much of Year 6 I’m going to want to rewrite. I know that I definitely want Talbott to find Seren, who still traumatized about the Portrait Vault, sitting on the ground when waiting for the Hogwarts Express. She clearly hasn’t slept and is only partially responsive. Even though she’s supposed to go in for a meeting with the other Prefects on the ride over, she ends up falling asleep in a quiet cabin that she got with Talbott. He doesn’t wake her up and hides her from any Prefects that come looking for her (which ends up just being Charlie and the other Hufflepuff Prefect in their year)

Full disclosure that I haven’t finished the Festival sidequest yet, but I’m considering keeping it sans Talbott revealing himself as Seren’s secret admirer. Not wholly sure where to slot that in, though it would probably be just after Flying Solo but before the Portrait Vault putting it... late April/early May of 1989 or so?

[linkspooky]

Who are your top five BSD characters?

I love to talk about  how much I love my faves. If you ever ask want to ask me who my faves are for a series feel free to send me an ask.

1. Human Failure - Dazai Osamu

I like that he’s a bad person. I know I say this a lot, but I really do think stories are at their best when they allow characters to be bad people.. The narration itself never tries to make excuses for who Dazai is, or gloss over what he’s done in the name of making him look good. It just allows him to exist as is. Dazai is a total failure of a human being, but at the same time he’s more human than any of us. 

You get the sense that Dazai is an overgrown kid who just, never learned to deal with any of the things that adults learn to deal with as a result of growing up as a person. He views himself as this non-human thing and at first when he’s much younger means he thinks he can do whatever he want. 

There’s a lot of works in ficiton that attempt to correct the misery in “No Longer Human” Osamu Dazai’s final work, which to me is really a disrespectful response to the work itself. Like, Dazai wasn’t trying to comment on society, and he didn’t think he was more right than anybody else or saw through the lies of society. Dazai wasn’t trying to be miserable on purpose or like, meditate on human nature. 

I am writing a tired story for young readers,

not because I want to be different,

or because I am unconcerned with young readers’ tastes.

I write it rather because I know it will please them.

Young readers are tired and old themselves these days,

and my story can bring them no discomfort and no surprises.

It is a story for those who have lost hope.

No Longer Human is just this deeply honest and brutal work of his that stands on his own. People feel the need to make miserable things happy and correct them, but sometimes things are beautiful because they are miserable. Dazai himself as a character is like one of the only responses to No Longer Human that I’ve ever been able to digest, because it’s not trying to correct anything. 

Dazai is a bad person, but he’s still undeniably human he’s not something lesser or greater than human, and in his own way he is trying to live too. A lot of people forget the humanity of the work. 

2. Old Sport - F Scott Fitzgerald

He shares the name with the author, but Fitzgerald is so obivously based off the main character of the author’s most famous work, the Great Gatsby. Gatsby is at the same time, a scathing critique of the false dreams we spend our entire lives working towards, but at the same time instead of condemning us for dreaming in the first place like a lot of critiques do, it instead reaffirms that humans wants to dream, that they live because they want to strive for something and that there’s still worth in that even if it ends up entirely in failure. 

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther… . And then one fine morning—So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

Gatsby sailed against the current, and it ended with him drowning and yet his efforts in life were not worthless. The book portrays that kind of complexity, that there are two sides to everything. 

“You can’t repeat the past.”“Why of course you can!”

And as a character Fitz embodies that complexity just as well. His goals are good, what else but family can you burn everything for? Yet at the same time, you see he goes the extra mile in trying to destroy everything around him for the sake of his goals. Just like Gatsby, his goals are inherently one impossible to achieve and two, self destructive. Yet, there’s something brilliant in watching how this man will not give up and will continually break himself against the currents trying to reach just a little bit farther.

3. Ugly Girl - Lucy Maud Montgomery

Lucy is a character I like because she’s the introduction of how victims can be more grotesque and violent. They are not always people who beg to be saved the way Atsushi and Kyouka do. As the story advances, it becomes deeper and deeper in complexity especially when it comes to the issue of saving the orphans, and being on the side of helping people. It’s not always so noble a thing as Atsushi makes it seem to be, it is sometimes messy and even harmful.

What I likea bout Lucy is that nothing about her is straightforward. Trauma has made it possible that she cannot be straightforward or forthcoming with her own emotions in any way. Not only that but you can still see just like Atsushi the effects of being raised as an unwanted child in an orphanage have not worn off. She gets mad when Atsushi ignores her, because she feels at any moment he might abandon her. Her assumption is that people will not care, that they will fail her and Atsushi has to work against these assumptions. 

Ultimately what I like is that Lucy does not get saved, but rather starts to save herself. The reason that she’s on this list instead of characters I like for the same reasons is that she’s started to show the growth that Akutagawa really has the potential to show and I myself cannot wait until he hits. She’s started to grow for the sake of one boy who inspired her and related to her, and in the end it’s more like she was the one who saved Atsushi which led to one of the most beautiful moments in the second arc of the manga. 

4. A Monster Without a Heart - Nikolai Goggol

Goggol is one of my favorite characters despite being only around for a few chapters at most. The ideas behind his character are so interesting and thematically rich. He’s a character who decides to live and die entirely based around the concept of freedom.

Due to that fact he’s far more insightful and clever than most of the characters in the manga. He’s the only person who can be on equal terms with Dostoevsky, rather than just being either a total sycophant, or someone mind controlled like the rest of his compatriots. That’s because Goggol as terrible as he is completely owns who he is as a person. 

His lines are some of the best in the series. The moment where he takes off his mask and reveals to Atsushi he’s not the villain of the story, but a human being completely aware of the harm he’s causing others just completely smashes Atsushi’s simple black and white values of good and evil he has been fighting with so far. It reminds the audience once more that this is a story about human beings. 

5. Just a Normal Person- Edogawa Ranpo

Ranpo is here for two reasons. One my love of detective novels, and Ranpo exists as a tribute to those same novels so every plot he is involved in reads as a love letter to my favorite genre. The second is that Ranpo himself is so interesting a person, because he’s so clearly coded as someone neurodivergent and not able to fit in with a lot of society.

Yet, he’s the only case of such a character where I’ve seen them so humanized. Nobody ever treats Ranpo’s quirks as a burden, or pities him for them. It’s even right in Ranpo’s backstory that he was constantly targetted and taken advantage of because he was only specifically really smart at one thing and couldn’t fit into society otherwise, and the detective agency was made to give him a place to fit in. 

Ranpo is valued for who he is. Because of that he’s able to be completely self confident and know his worth. His cocky attitude comes from the fact that he’s somewhere where he’s accepted by others. Not only that but Ranpo is also the person who helps accept other people into the detective agency, as shown in the empathy he showed Yosano. Rampo’s on my faves not because he’s treated like an eccentric super genius, but how much the story empathizes that underneath his layers he really is just a normal person the same as everybody else.

It’s one of my favorite quotes in the manga and it shows why I love humanizing work and human misery above all else. 

Your ability doesn’t matter. That sorrow has value. 

[ambiengrey]

Mentally, I was like, someone write me a fic where Bruce didn’t become Batman, he became a doctor like his father instead. He still meets all the Batkids, but just under different circumstances. I am not qualified to write doctor things, but I got to thinking about what said circumstances might be, and I didn’t want it all to just be, kid got a broken limb must go to the hosital, gets treated by Bruce ~boring~ So, I’m doing this thing this week, where I’m trying to practice writing every day, and to make it even more challenging because I hate my face, I also decided I would double my word count from the previous day’s...every day. The problem with this, is that I’m really bad at short stories, and also really bad at having ideas. Especially, apparently, for original writing. So I’ve fallen back into writing some old fanfic ideas. Except for today, when I had the above mentioned *new* fanfic idea.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or psychiatrist and should not be writing doctor or psychiatrist characters. I am also not ten years old, and have not been ten for over a decade, and contrary to popular belief, working with ten year olds, has not prepared me to accurately portray ten year olds in fiction. Don’t judge me too harshly. I’ve mentally developed an entire back-story for Bruce, but details may be fuzzy in the actual piece. I reached the word count goal even though the story is not finished. In my head, I’m imagining one chapter per batkid’s first encounter with Bruce, but this encounter is not even over yet. It’s 4am and I should be sleeping. Will I be adding more to this? Potentially, though I’m sure it will be wildly inaccurate medically speaking, so everyone just be prepared for that. If I *do* add more to it, I’ll probably post it to AO3 rather than here. If I can come up with a title.

[I know I haven’t been on tumblr in literal Years, but didn’t there used to be the option of adding a line between paragraphs? did I dream that? is it still there? am I not seeing it? wot]

Bruce entered the room somewhat hesitantly. Richard Grayson was already seated in the armchair. He sat upright, with his hands clasped in his lap, literally twiddling his thumbs. He looked up, visibly swallowing, eyes wide as saucers, when Bruce came in.

Bruce smiled as disarmingly as he could. He cleared his throat, shutting the door tightly and crossing the floor, intensely aware of Richard’s eyes on him. The boy watched him sit down on the couch opposite, but waited no longer for Bruce to either collect himself or start the conversation. He shifted in his seat, leaning forward; demanding Bruce’s full attention. “They said I have to talk to you,” he started, shaking his head slightly. “But I don’t really need to – I’m fine.” He nodded once, firmly. “Honest.”

Bruce’s smile had slipped, a pensive expression replacing it as he eyed the child. He was nearly tempted to lean back in his seat, put a hand to his chin and squint intently at the ten year old as though he were an x-ray or a test result in need of careful examination. Bruce caught himself at the thought. It wouldn’t do. At best, he’d scare off the boy, at worse, Richard would think he wasn’t taking him seriously, and he didn’t want to be there any more than Richard supposedly did. ‘Supposedly,’ because, Bruce suspected, the boy very much wanted to speak to someone, he just didn’t know who to speak to. As far as Richard was concerned, he had no family left. The adults presently in his life were there by necessity, as the law dictated, and not because they cared for him or wanted to help him (even if some of them did). He did not trust them and could not make himself vulnerable in front of them by confiding his true feelings, or letting this carefully cultivated mask, slip.

Bruce had done much the same thing after—

His parents.

Only, he’d had Alfred, in addition. The mask was easy to slip on when he needed to go to school or return to a life of functions and public appearances. He still wore it even now, decades later; for work, social functions, interviews—the list went on. It was nearly without burden to wear, because, it could always come off. Richard, however, did not have an ‘Alfred’ or a home, anymore, where he could remove the mask and be himself for a little while without fearing the scrutiny of others, or his own frailty.

“Hm.” Bruce took a moment to shift into a more comfortable position, and gather his thoughts in the process. He hadn’t needed to be a psychiatrist in such a long time that he doubted for a moment where to begin in approaching this situation. “That’s good,” he said agreeably. “I was asked to speak with you, because Miss Lance is concerned about your well-being.”

“Well, she doesn’t need to be,” Richard replied, his movements still indicative of nervousness, but…also impatience. “Like I said, I’m fine. So I don’t need to be here. Sorry for wasting your time.” He looked about ready to jump out of his seat and bolt from the room, but…not, Bruce thought, because he was afraid of the conversation. He didn’t want to be confronted with his feelings, but, there was more to his eagerness to leave.

“It’s only an hour,” Bruce dismissed. “And, Miss Lance is a good friend I don’t mind doing a favour for. Not to mention, she cares very deeply for the children under her charge. You’re lucky to have her.”

Richard’s shoulders seemed to drop slightly. He huffed with impatience, but responded as meekly as he had been, “Yeah. She’s been real nice.” He paused briefly, before continuing more keenly, as though a new approach had made itself known to him in the moment. “Which is why I don’t want to be wasting her time. I should go.”

“I’m afraid you can’t,” Bruce said mildly. “Miss Lance had another appointment; she had to leave. She’ll be back when our hour is up.” Bruce smiled at the boy, whose timid demeanor had slowly crumbled into one of barely concealed annoyance.

“I’ll just wait for her downstairs, then,” Richard said, holding Bruce’s gaze with a much steadier look than when Bruce had arrived.

Bruce kept his smile as serene as possible, “That’s not how it works, Richard,” he said gently.

“Dick.”

Bruce recoiled, not having expected such a candid delivery of something so inappropriate. “Excuse me?” he asked, much more sternly than he’d spoken thus far.

It was Richard’s turn to look taken aback. “I mean – me – it’s, I’m—er—” he fumbled, flustered, and looked away as he cleared his throat to answer properly, “That’s just, what people call me. It’s ‘Dick,’ not…‘Richard.’”

“Ah,” Bruce said, enlightened. “I see. Miss Lance didn’t mention…”

“She insists on calling me ‘Richard,’” he said, crossing his arms, posture slumping.

“Well, if you insist,” Bruce said. “I’ll call you ‘Dick.’”

Dick glanced at him; nodded. “Okay.”

“Until Miss Lance gets back, you and I may as well chat a little,” Bruce continued. “To pass the time.”

Dick sighed, resigned to his fate, apparently. He leaned back in the armchair, eyes on the wall. “Sure.”

“Miss Lance has been treating you well?” Bruce began.

Dick eyed him, and nodded.

“The other staff…caretakers at the orphanage,” Bruce continued slowly. “They’ve taken good care of you?”

Dick nodded again, shrugging with one shoulder. “Yeah, sure. I…have a bed, and food. It’s fine.”

“What about the other boys? Have you made any friends yet?”

Dick frowned at the floor, his crossed arms pressing tighter to his chest, “They’re fine,” he lied.

“Hm,” Bruce was frowning himself, his thoughts already turning toward how he might confront Miss Lance and the orphanage Director – about visiting the institution, perhaps, so as to observe Dick’s social circumstances firsthand before stepping any further— Absently, Bruce shook his head free of the thought. He was getting carried away again. “I…” he began, in an effort to get himself back on track, but he didn’t actually know what to say even as he started speaking. He looked over at Dick, the boy watching him with a guarded, squint-eyed expression. “I’m sorry,” Bruce said. “I was just thinking of…” He shifted, and started over, “I used to speak to children all the time. It was my job. Children like you and I, sometimes,” he gestured between them, allowing himself to be as honest as possible. “Who…lost their families without warning, without…being able to do anything about it—”

“I didn’t lose my family,” Dick cut in, the young boy’s tone almost…scathing. Bruce had meant to steer the conversation into a specific direction, meaning to coax Dick into confiding in him the specifics of his relationships with the other boys at the orphanage, but, Dick had derailed his entire scheme with this interruption. “We weren’t in a crowd and I let go of their hands and couldn’t see them anymore.” Bruce’s head was clearer than it had been when he’d started on his tangent. Though thoughts of his own parents, his own loss, crept at the fringes of his mind, they were kept at bay by the need to listen to this young boy, whose loss was much more present, much more potent and all-consuming, even as he claimed fineness.

“Then?” Bruce prodded, when Dick’s gaze shifted from him almost abruptly, and affixed once more to the wall instead. As though the mask had shifted to reveal some bare skin for a moment, and the boy was determined to cover it once more as though nothing had happened. “What do you call it?” Bruce paused for a reply, but added, when none was immediately forthcoming, “What happened to your family, Dick?”

The boy pulled his legs up toward his chest, shoes on the seat cushion. He sunk impossibly lower into the chair. “They…” he began quietly, just when Bruce assumed there’d be no answer after all, “Were taken from me.”

“Hm,” Bruce said, which prompted Dick’s gaze back toward him.

“You don’t believe me either,” the boy accused with a glare.

“That’s not what I said,” Bruce replied quickly. “I’m only wondering what exactly you mean by that. ‘Taken’ from you? Your parents fall, Dick,” he said gently, “Was an accident.”

Dick clicked his tongue and looked resentfully away again, “No. It wasn’t.”

He said no more, and, for a moment, Bruce allowed the silence to linger. “If this is true, Dick…what you’re suggesting is – your parents were murdered.” Dick made no reply and didn’t look over to Bruce either. The boy was keeping his guard up. This was the moment, Bruce thought. This was the way to win Dick’s confidence and trust. Every adult he’d confided in with this belief had rejected him. Ascribed his suspicions to the insurmountable grief of a small child not mature enough to navigate it sensibly, thereby desperately needing an explanation that made his parents death seem less random, leading him to invent a fantasy with a villain some hero could fight against as in a cartoon or comic book, to help him cope. An all-consuming idea he’d started to believe in so passionately, the reality was no longer a palpable option for him and anyone who could not agree, was not on his side.

This is why Miss Lance had wanted Bruce to see Dick. This was the trouble he was having. Why he wasn’t allowing himself to be supported by the new people in his life. Why he refused to adjust to his present circumstances. His parents’ death had gone unavenged. He believed there was justice to be paid, but no one would pay it.

Bruce…could relate.

[baajisms]

When Seymour finally came back to get his mother’s Aeon & moved her to Baaj, he purposefully made her chamber very difficult to get into. The person in question has to:

    1. Know specifically where Baaj is located. Which, unless they’ve purposefully studied a map for potential temple locations or depending on the map, Baaj would be written as ‘submerged ruins’ or ‘Temple of Yevon, Baaj’.    1a. Summoner’s typically follow the same route and only obtain the same 5 Aeons (Yuna being the exception here), so even if Baaj’s whereabouts were known to a Summoner, would they really want to go that far out of their own way during their pilgrimage?    2. Have to have gotten Valefor, Ifrit, Ixion, Shiva & Bahamut, gotten through their respective Cloisters & obtained their destruction spheres (fun little tidbit, whenever you open a destruction sphere chest, the Baaj Temple Glyph pops up!). Only Summoner’s and their Guardians would’ve been able to do that. Not that many, if anyone, would put the pieces together that the destruction spheres would do anything besides give you a nice weapon or 2.    3. Be able to get all the way to Baaj, having done the above two and be able to find their way to her Chamber. The temple also being submerged probably poses another difficulty too.

I can only imagine that even if the maps around all say present Baaj as a temple, how many Summoners are going to go out of their way to get to Baaj? Whatever stories there might be about Baaj would probably say it’s a dilapidated, old temple submerged in water that was attacked by Sin not too long ago, that nobody has used in years. It’s crumbling & halfway under water. It’s not the sort of place you’d want to take a detour to, even if they could get out there. It took Tidus & Co. an Airship to get back there, Tidus happened to wash up there after Sin plucked him from Dream Zanarkand (and I think Baaj is relatively close to where Dream Zanarkand’s located anyway) & the Al Bhed probably happened to luck out on finding the ruins (which I think are near to where the Farenheit was located anyway, if it was, it’s even more of an accident that they found Baaj) and were only able to get there because of their ship & diving equipment. The latter two would’ve had no idea that the place housed Anima until much later or some very intense searching. Even if the latter happened, there’s no way they’re getting into Cloister.

On Seymour’s end, he probably wasn’t that honest about where he kept disappearing off to, let alone that his mother was his Fianl Aeon & housed in Baaj. That’s something he’d want to keep very close to his chest and chances are he wouldn’t have told anyone. Jyscal knew of the pilgrimage, but didn’t know if it had been completed. I suppose Seymour popping back up again confirmed the pilgrimage was unsuccessful and his wife died along the way. Seymour wasn’t going to be very forthcoming with information about what happened, considering Jyscal had been the one that had exiled them. I doubt many people would have the time or resources that Seymour had to be able to get to Baaj, let alone be brave enough to try and get there with Sin roaming around the oceans. 

Basically, Anima is not the Aeon a Summoner typically seeks out. Anima is not an Aeon that Summoner’s would know about. She would only be found out if they go that far out of their way to search lost ruins. Her Aeon is also very powerful (if it hadn’t been for the 99,999 cap & the fact that it was Yuna wielding Anima like a regular Aeon & not the Final Aeon she was, I like to think Yuna could’ve defeated Sin with Anima alone) & Yuna was only able to accept her Fayth was because she’d already accepted 5 other powerful Fayth’s (maybe 6/9 depending on she’s gotten Yojimbo & the Magus Sisters) before her and Anima is willing to give up her Fayth to her. Yuna also knows who she is and who her son is & that made a big difference to Anima’s final decision. It meant that Yuna knew who her son was, she knew that he was corrupt and twisted and had to be taken care of before he find a way to manipulate Sin to gain more power. That was the deciding factor. 

But also, Anima knows how much power resides in her Aeon & the damage and destruction it can do if in the wrong hands, even if the Summoner claims they’re a good person. It was a miracle that Seymour didn’t use her more often, the more power hungry he got, though his connection to her probably grew more unstable after he died, died & died again. She knows that not every Summoner would be able to withstand the trail of her Fayth merging with their body. She believes that unless the Summoner is exceptionally strong willed in body, mind & faith, the process would probably straight up kill the Summoner. She’s rarely willing to take that chance.

Anima is not an Aeon you toy around with. Anima is a Final Aeon that never got to fulfil it’s purpose. Anima is not an Aeon you take lightly and not another checkbox on a list of Aeons you get or one that should be used to fulfill your own goals outside of killing Sin & her son. She encapsulates pain & suffering & darkness that no other Aeon does. She is not to be taken lightly and even if a Summoner were to find her Chamber amongst all the ruins, chances of her granting a Summoner her Aeon is slim. Until Yuna comes along, she doesn’t believe that any other Summoner has what it takes to defeat her son along with Sin.

[nerdylittoyvoid]

Know-it-all : G.D.

A/N : This whole thing was inspired by @milliondollardolan and their writing. Reading their stuff really wanted me to get back into the groove of writing.This one is more of a rant in the form of fiction. I can’t be the only one frustrated with the issues presented here. 

The goal here wasn’t to make the reader seem as if she’s reactive or passive, but to seem more real in her insecurities. 

My hope is that it isn’t read as more of a tangent than having actual flow and, that you find elements that you can identify with. Moreover, I hope that you enjoy it! 

She really couldn’t help it. After all, we’re all products of our own upbringing.

Y/N sat in the loud pub with the small gang comprising of Ethan, Grayson, Emma and one of her close friends, Morgan.

The traditional green walls mixed with the dark painted beams made her feel as if she was in Britain, a place she always wanted to visit. Pale string lights were hung from the ceiling only adding to the oxymoron that was this pub; chaotically calming. With her chin resting on her hand, Y/N took in the people at the tables around her. There were a group of guys sat at a table closer to the bar, giving in their two-cents to the game being broadcasted on the flat screen TVs hung all throughout the pub. Across from where she was, she noticed a family all laughing together, almost as if they were reminiscing. To the side of them stood a couple balloons. One read Happy Birthday! , the other, a simple 21 years old!

 With the lively setting surrounding her, her focus remained on the couples throughout the establishment. She noticed how they were flirting, laughing and finding safety in each other’s company. As bitter as it sounded, she couldn’t help but feel repulsion. Not to the couples, of course, she was more than happy for them. It was more the idea of being that vulnerable with somebody – having them know you through and through. It didn’t help that she had a huge, no good, emotionally draining crush on Grayson.

What was even more confusing was that, despite her longing to simply be with him, she was faced with uncertainty due to multiple past relationships of which were, disempowering to say the least. She noticed how her boldness started chipping. What made it worse for her was the subtle misogyny she grew up with. The small phrases she would receive affected her confidence gravely. Comments like: “Nobody likes a know-it-all”, “Boys are intimidated by smart girls”, and her favourite, “You’ll drive people away, being that opinionated”. What can she say? She’s a product of her own upbringing.

Just like everybody else, she told herself.

It wasn’t like she was docile; she wasn’t even close to that. It was just that her insecurities hadn’t anything to do with appearances. It was all to do with her personality and intelligence. She had been taught to be unsure of herself.

She could only suppose it was due to her own bad experiences that left her with wounds that, in her opinion, were taking too damn long to heal.

Y/N was brought back to the group by Emma poking her cheek. “Always the dreamer, aren’t ya?” Emma knew her the best; how loquacious and sassy she became once comfortable with someone.

All eyes are now on Y/N and her blushing cheeks.

Going for a small amount of wit, she shrugged. “Figured you would be too, given that those three have only been talking about YouTube as if there aren’t two confused college students sitting at the same table.”

Emma, Ethan and Grayson stopped to look at each other, Grayson arching his eyebrow. She couldn’t tell if it was out of offense or surprise. Oh god, Y/N thought, did I go too far with that one?

Right before Y/N could apologize, the quarter started chuckling. Emma’s chuckle turned into a laugh, Ethan shook his head as a grin formed on his face and Grayson remained surprised, chest moving from the soft laughs escaping him.

After a couple of seconds, Grayson was the first to respond. “First, we find out that you actually can speak, and then that you’ve got an attitude?”

Y/N’s blush darkened as she tried to find something else to say. Something about his tone of voice made her want to melt onto the floor. She felt flutters in her stomach, figuring it was the butterflies. Damn crushes to hell, she thought.

But she already opened her mouth. There was no going back now. Fuck it.

Lifting her chin from her palm, she leaned back in her seat, intertwining her fingers together and resting them on the table (which she absolutely did not learn from reading an article online titled ‘Appearing Calm When the Attention is on You’).

Y/N cleared her throat tried to rid herself of her deer-in-headlights look. “I also find joy in leaving the forthcoming speechless, and you haven’t stopped talking all night. Anything else you want to know about me?”  

Taken aback by her own boldness, she wondered if she had drunk way too much, or if this was the result of feeling bottled up for too long. For one night, Y/N wanted to not have to worry about pleasantries. For one night, Y/N wanted to say what she really felt without thinking about what others told her in the past. For one night, she wanted to be considered boisterous and be okay with it.

Both Y/N and Grayson were now looking at each other, waiting for the other to make their move. Sensing the tension, Morgan and Emma announced they went to the washroom and Ethan decided to go buy another drink.

“I always wondered why you were so shy,” Grayson started. “Began to wonder if it was just me.”

God, he had no idea how nervous he made Y/N. He made her want to be more expressive – get her to tuck her stoicism into her back pocket. He was the type of guy that she wanted to feel safe with despite her own insecurities.

Maybe it was the alcohol, but Y/N’s sarcasm really began to shine through. “God, Gray. Not everything is about you.” She chuckled at the end of her sentence, indicating to Gray that she was, in fact, joking.

“To answer your question,” Y/N continued. “I suppose I didn’t always feel like I needed to add anything into the conversation.” That may have been a stretch of the truth. She did want to be loud and opinionated. She wanted to be the type of girl that guys were intimidated by, in a good way.

“Maybe now I want to hear what you have to say,” Grayson leant forward, propping his elbows and intertwining his hands together. “You’re in college still, right? How’s that going?”

“I guess you could say it’s the same old considering that the education system on all levels hasn’t changed at all in at least 100 years,” Y/N stopped herself before she could go too far. “Although that’s a whole can of worms that may leave us here for at least a couple of hours if opened.”

“Somehow that doesn’t seem that bad at all. I want to know what your opinions are on that.”

Y/N was taken aback by his sudden interest, just as much as Grayson was by her sudden forwardness. It was definitely the alcohol.

“I just find it funny that throughout my entire academic career, teachers have been taught to shove information down our throats without even bothering to teach us how to learn,” Y/N paused to take another sip of the drink in front of her, focusing on how his eyebrows furrowed at her statement; he was processing it. “Teaching us our learning types and providing tests no different from the ones in all our other classes to identify our own, and then not giving us the resources to use that information to our advantages. I don’t even think I could articulate how much better I could have done in school if they had made the effort into making things more interactive.”

“For example, out of the past 15 years of me being in school including my time in university, I can count on one hand how many teachers that have had actually put in the effort to do things differently.”

Grayson quickly interjected, his interests peaking. “So, you’re saying it’s the teachers’ faults?”

“Not necessarily. Maybe if they were actually given a livable salary, they would have motivation to do so. We’re all doing the best with what we’ve got, and teachers and students share the short end of the stick.”

“I’ll be honest,” Grayson cleared his throat. “I’m not too sure what I can contribute here.”

“That’ll hardly be necessary,” Y/N shook her head. “You’ve got me started and I still have a lot to say.”

Grayson let out a laugh, finding her bluntness refreshing.

“Besides,” she continued her rant. “I think it’s a little messed up how we go to an institution of learning for several hours a day and go home having to teach ourselves the material. The small number of teachers that I mentioned went above and beyond in their teaching. They created games to instill the information into us. They got everybody moving. The class didn’t include your typical ‘sit down and shut up’ kinds of lessons; it was a conversation. If you asked a question and still didn’t understand the clarification, the teacher understood that it would be best to take a different approach. They didn’t make you feel inadequate or stupid just because you didn’t understand it the way they did.”

“They understood that learning was done through making mistakes, and that understanding isn’t measured through the ability to recite bodies of text. It’s, in my opinion, how well you can apply that information to the current reality and your own experiences.” Y/N leant back in her seat once again. “It’s about using the tangible as reinforcement.”

Grayson was left speechless. He was left wanting more – he wanted to pull apart her mind and put it back together again. If she wasn’t beautiful before, then damn, was she stunning now. His face began heating up. He was blushing. The woman sitting across from him was making him feel like a giddy teenager all over again.

“Are you not going to call me out on how red I am right now?”

“No, because blushing isn’t necessarily indicative to attraction,” She crossed her arms – not to be confused with her being standoff-ish. It was her way of self-soothing as she began feeling uncomfortable again; she was worried she was saying too much. “It’s an involuntary reaction and can be caused by multiple different scenarios, depending on which emotions are provoked.”

That’s where the banter started.

“Some would say that you’re a know-it-all.” Grayson’s grin grew. The way his interest towards her grew every second never seized to astonish him.

“Some would say that I’m an ‘insufferable know-it-all’.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but did you just quote Snape from Harry Potter?”

Y/N let out a genuine, loud laugh. “It’s reassuring knowing that you’re not completely un-cultured.”

“I’m guessing since you’ve decided to quote Snape’s reaction to Hermione always having an answer to everything, that you see a bit of yourself in her?”

“Depends if you see reading books as a defining personality trait.” Y/N quipped.

Grayson soon swallowed his pride. This girl has a smart-ass response to everything – and he would be lying if he said he didn’t love it. “You want to maybe get out of here and go somewhere quieter?”

Y/N nodded enthusiastically, grinning as she collected her things and put on her jacket.

She never thought she’d see the day where a) she would allow someone to peel back her layers in such a small period of time and b) she would thank alcohol for making it possible.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Can you please type me? The first thing that comes to mind to me (and that I have found very recently) is that the more I engage with the world the more I feel recharged and that I want and I need to engage with it more. The important thing is to go out and feel the things around me, like the wind. If feeling nature around me is relaxing, being around people makes me feel easily overwhelmed with sensory stimuli.I said that I’ve found these things very recently because up until a couple (1/8)

           months ago I was a shut-in. I would spend my entire day on my pc playing videogames and surfing the internet. I would always feel bored and I would spend the entire day on the internet searching for new things to do in the hope that the boredom would go away. What I did was searching for something new (like a new videogame), become obsessed about it, do that thing for a couple of weeks until I felt like I explored it to the fullest (but that doesn’t mean that I would have completed it, (2/8)            

only that my curiosity was satisfied), and then start the search again. Now regarding intrapersonal stuff, I tend to be cold and over sarcastic even when the situation is really serious (and in such a situation I’m like that because I can’t handle a conversation that’s emotionally charged, especially if it’s about me), one example of that would include me joking while I was talking with my therapist about my deepest traumas and how I have got them. It’s also very difficult for me to open up 3/8            

with my now best friend about myself, before I simply joked and talked with him but never opened up). I also tend to be good at reading the bodies of people, one example of this is the first time I met a friend of my friend and I immediately felt he was a sort-of psycho, months later he stalked online another one of my friends and was obsessed about her, telling her that he was ‘in love’ and if she would hear his reasoning she would understand too. This to me happens because I think I tend 4/8            

to be attuned to the way people move when they talk, (one example: one of my friends was thinking about how two other friends of ours could be dating in secret and the proof I gave him for not being so was:“ look at how they are in this photo. They are fairly apart and aren’t touching each other. I they were having ‘a thing’ they would touch themselves much more, and in general would be much closer to each other.”)I like complex ideas, but if they are not applicable in real life then I feel 5/8            

that there’s no reason to indulge into them. Sure, I can talk about it, but then I’m like “yeah, we can talk about the system Aristotle created, but if we can’t apply it to real life then what’s the point?” the only reason I would read extensively on such subjects would be to “feel smart” and impress people, but then halfway the first book I get bored and I give up.I love opening up a pc case and seeing, studying and eventually assembling a new one because to me it looks like a big puzzle 6/8        

that I can figure out (and one at that that I need to figure out ALONE, this brought to me spending $200 on a pc part that I later discovered wasn’t compatible with my own. My pc is dead now because during the course of ten years I always tried to “wing it” with both pc parts and programming).This is also why I like MBTI and Enneagram so much: I see my brain and my personality as a big puzzle that I want to fully discover and understand; it’s also the reason why I changed ideas about my type 7/8                        

  so much, because the fun was in searching it. Most of the time I don’t think about the future, then something happens and I don’t know what path to choose I get anxious, I start procrastinating and to avoid the issue I start to obsess about meaningless things.I can’t understand what I’m feeling most of the time. If one would ask I would say that I feel ‘content’ but the truth is that I bury the negative feelings (mostly anxiety) under things like videogames so much that I don’t feel anything 8/8            

--------------------------------------

My guess from this is ISFP. I know a lot of people are going to think ISTP, so stick with me; that said this would be skewed by your age (if you’re under 30, I’m going with ISFP; ISTP seems more possible if you’re older).

The introversion I think is fairly self-evident (feeling drained by being around a lot of people, self-described as shut-in for a decent amount of time). I think the high Se is also pretty apparent - recharged by doing and being outside in nature, enjoying ideas but desiring a practical application, gets bored easily, good at interpreting body language, and so forth.

Now for Fi: some of this is what I’ve referred to as metatyping but it’s really just typing people based on their style and approach. On the one hand I like being able to do this to an extent because unlike content, which is self-selecting, people are far more likely to be honest in their general writing style and how they present themselves online. On the other it’s a lot harder to back up as much of it is just the pattern recognition I’ve developed by doing this for what’s approaching 4 years now, and it’s hard to know people via the internet, language barriers can be an issue, etc.

Anyway, while you describe being fairly cold and sarcastic and liking puzzles, I find ISTPs tend to as a rule be fairly terse and not very forthcoming, particularly when younger, and to an extent somewhat disinterested in people. Obviously there are exceptions, but that’s the general theme I’ve found.

Some of what you describe here sounds like regular coping mechanisms - I don’t know the details of your personal traumas nor do I think that’s necessary, but joking about them, particularly in a space that’s both vulnerable but one you perceive as at least somewhat space (therapy) is a very normal human reaction. I’d also say that depending on the traumas involved it would be worth considering if that’s the factor in finding yourself uncomfortable with emotionally charged situations.

You don’t mention your age but another thing worth noting is that a lot of Ti-doms don’t realize to what extent they do bury their emotions; having an awareness of that as it’s occurring is often a sign of either developing lower feeling (which as an ISTP wouldn’t be a major factor until your 30s) or a realization of having somewhat unhealthy high feeling functions.

Finally, I think some of the curiosity and joy in playing around with things comes from Fi (think of Fi as a people and ethics-oriented Ti; seeing introspection as a puzzle is not inconsistent with Fi at all) and some from Se’s love of learning through experimentation, so while the word “puzzle” would probably tip some people off in the direction of Ti I don’t think that’s specifically the case here.

If the Fi-Te axis really sounds absolutely impossible to you and you’re not in your 30s or above my second guess, particularly if your anxiety has social aspects, would be ESTP with the interpersonal difficulties being based more in anxiety and trauma rather than introversion, and the feeling focus coming from developing tertiary Fe. There was nothing here that really indicated either axis that strongly, more that there were indicators that young Ti-dom didn’t seem to fit right.

[funkymbtifiction]

[answered asks for the week]

INSIDE:

Advice to high Ne on how to explain thing simply.

how could a Fe-Dom determine if they’re actually a 2 or a 6?

Hey, I'm toying with the idea of being 7w6 vs 6w7 as an ENFP with SX/sp

it’s totally possible for a Thinker to be “less intelligent,” right?

I'm 6w5 (social stacking) and I've had a very hard time self-typing.

Would believing that other people are responsible for their feelings and should be mature enough to choose not to get upset when you do something they don’t like be a low feeling thing?

IV Help for INFP 4w5 5w4 1w2

Hi, this is a semi-mbti and weird question, but since two of the mods are Ne-doms, do you have any advice to high Ne users who want to be better at explaining stuff? I admire how the ENFP mod makes good analogies to explain stuff, which I do too since I'm INFP, but despite Si being higher in me, I lost connection to it and I feel useless and incompetent. What I say/write is lost in scattered abstractions which make me sound unreliable, which abhors Te and my (4)w3.

You need better Te development. Te is all about finding something that works for everyone that uses it – a streamlined process that produces the same results in a variety of different people. This is why a good analogy appeals to Te, because the information it is talking about has been simplified into language anyone can understand. It’s tempting for any intuitive to stay abstract in their conversation – but imagine yourself trying to explain whatever you are trying to explain to a child. What language would you use? Simplicity (if you can find it, some things are tremendously complex) is best, because not everyone speaks the same language – literally.

So if you find yourself being vague or abstract, slow down in whatever you are doing, and think about how you could make this more detailed or plainer in expression. This is HARD at first. Extremely hard. And it will be hard in some topics going ahead, even after you have gotten good at it. Most people are not simple and straightforward in their communication. They leave out details. They need others to ask them clarifying questions. Think about that, when you are looking at whatever you are writing – even if it’s just an e-mail. Is this clear enough that they will know exactly what I mean? If not, how can I make it clearer? Keep working on it, until you are being clear.

For non-Te users, and especially INTPs (I like y’all, but sometimes I don’t know what you are talking about) the key is to know what the point you are trying to make is, and to lay it out clearly without deviating into sub-trails. I realize you cannot do this in conversation, you process in your head as you go and that switches your conversational tracks, but when sending someone something you have written, you need to use the same idea – SIMPLE. Straightforward.

As for finding other things to compare it to, what’s an analogy everyone can relate to? That’s a good place to start. What do humans all have in common? (Basic needs, desires, and emotions.)

The thing I admire most about one of my INTJ friends is that she says exactly what she means and she means what she says, and if you ask her to explain what she means, she can do so in a way anyone can understand. She said she worked hard to develop that skill (to be plain-speaking) but it’s tremendously useful in her professional and personal life. So my advice is to practice saying what you want to say, and to make sure you are clear. When in doubt, ask someone else if they understand what you mean. If they say no, keep working on it. Practice. Make it a habit.

Hi there! One of your tips on tritype finding (of among thousands, this was the one to stick with me, as a fiction lover) was looking for characters you understand above all else. What happens if you understand a few characters, but they don’t share a tritype? Also, how could a Fe-Dom determine if they’re actually a 2 or a 6, since I think you’ve mentioned before that Fe users can mix their cognitive functions for Enneagram motivations? Sorry for the initial oddball question, and I hope you’ve all had a great holiday season!

We have, thank you. :)

The character thing isn’t foolproof, since you could relate to or understand a lot of characters for a wide variety of reasons (cultural, religious, instinctual, gender-related, their struggles, their decisions, their indecision, etc). It’s easier to identify characters with your same tritype after you’ve found yours, because then you can recognize the same unhealthy behaviors (based on similar motives) that you both have and see how you similarly cope with defense mechanisms. :/

I used a variation of easy-to-understand Enneagram cards on family and friends recently that helped them figure out their types (I had most of them pegged accurately, which helped – since I already knew the answer, it was a test to see if they would accurately perceive themselves by choosing the right card, thus validating that the cards were useful for total beginners).

I will share them one of these days.

Using the cards and with the character examples I used, my father was able to recognize 2 and 6 in himself in that order because he does not identify with nor exhibit the traits of a proper 6. Since I am one, it’s an easy contrast – I am far more analytical than him, and far more … 6 ish. I tell him things about being a 6 and he gives me funny looks like, “People are like that? You think that? Really? Wow, that’s weird.” Real 6 traits. Like being indecisive, self-doubting, ambivalent, challenging of authority yet not pushing people too far, being cautious and watchful of others, but being hard to “rile up.” Under stress, I just work harder (3). He explodes when his 2 moves to 8. You tell him a problem and his 2 has to fix it for you (sometimes before you even have time to turn around, there he is with whatever you need), and if it doesn’t seem fixable then he’s mad that you asked at all, because he’s translating being asked in his head to someone needing help – and then him attempting to provide it and being “shot down” is rejecting him on an emotional level. He’s an image type. Emotionally reactive. And this is on top of being a Fe-dom. Wonderful man, and extremely generous, loving, and kind, but reactive in a 2ish way of wanting payback, not a 6 way.

6′s are not looking for “payback” like a 2 is. If a 2 rubs your feet, then they will expect you to offer to rub theirs at some point in the future. If the 2 continues handing out foot rubs and no offer is forthcoming, the 2 will either drop hints or feel rejected and “used,” even though they volunteered to rub your feet in the first place. And unless the person whose foot they are rubbing is also a 2, or aware of the Enneagram and what’s going on, they will not have a clue that “offering” does not mean “I am doing this ONLY because I love you.” Of course they love you, else they wouldn’t offer to rub your feet. But a 2 finds it extremely hard to ask for the things they need, because they assume that other people should KNOW, because as a 2, they know what YOU need. They are tuned into what YOU need. And they are there to give it to you. So why aren’t other people doing the same for them? The problem is, the 2 never asks… so other people do not know what the 2 wants/needs in return, leading to the 2 becoming bitter about all the nice things they do for other people – with no one giving them any kindness in return. Which other people would do, if the 2 could just admit to their own needs instead of feeling that their own needs are “less” in comparison to other people.

This works even as a lower fix. I have seen 2 lower fixes go through something hard – alone, because they did not want to “impose” on others. Because admitting they need someone’s help or love or attention or support seems selfish to them. They are so used to “giving” and not “asking” – and it is very, very easy for other people to grow used to the endless, abundant “giving” and take advantage of it. Sometimes maliciously, and sometimes totally innocently. And then the 2 will find a sympathetic ear and vent their frustration – often my ear. And I sit there grinding my teeth and encouraging them to “Just ask for what you need. It’s okay. You are not being selfish when you admit to these things. And your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/child is not a mind reader. So you need to be open and honest with them. They love you. They will happily give you what you need, but THEY NEED TO KNOW WHAT THAT IS FIRST.”

You should also read through the Institute’s comparisons, and pay attention to stuff like this: “The feeling-tone of both types is completely different: Sixes warily invite selected others into their lives, whereas Twos throw out the net of their feelings with more abandon and see whom they can sweep into the fold. Sixes want to create partnerships with others that will support them in their bid to be more independent, but start to feel anxious if the relationship becomes too merged or “mushy.” Twos want to be close with others, and the more intimacy and merging they have with their loved ones, the better.”

2: aww, you want to be close!!! *cuddles you and smothers you with kisses*

6: you want to be close to me? why? *gives you a suspicious look* What are you up to? And ugh, don’t even think about smothering me with kisses. I’m not even sure I like you yet. I realize it’s been 8 years but I don’t do feelings. :P

Good luck. I know it can be hard. But being a Fe-dom doesn’t mean you’re immune to being able to figure yourself out. Just… leave others out of it. Go get a proper book on Enneagram, read the chapters carefully, think about your life and the decisions you have made, and why you made them. Ask yourself hard things, like WHY you are doing what you are doing. You should be able to relate not only to the “good” things about your core, but the bad things too.

The good things about a 2 is: helpful, generous, kind. Bad things: overbearing, controlling, manipulative, insincere.

The good things about a 6: analytical, humorous, friendly, warm, likable. Bad things: suspicious, anxious, self-doubting, distrustful.

If you recognize both in yourself, ask yourself which one, if you were allowed to choose only one of them, describes your personality the most.

I should probably also say that it can be extremely difficult for a Fe-dom to realize or accept that they are a 2, because they often do not want to admit that their main motive for being so helpful and generous is so that you will love them. It’s hard for them to think of themselves as worthy of love even if they do “nothing” for you. They just can’t imagine that. Each heart type has their own neurosis, either the need to stand out and even romanticizing their flaws to cover up insecurities (4), the desperate need to achieve and “become” so that you will admire (and then love) them (3), or the need to do things for you, so that you will not turn them away (2).

I have a big heart for 2′s, in case you cannot tell. Maybe because they break it the most often in that I see them as giving, selfless, generous people often taken advantage of or not given enough of the appreciation they deserve.

Hey, I'm toying with the idea of being 7w6 vs 6w7 as an ENFP with SX/sp. I know that 7w6 is usually considered more common for an ENFP, but all descriptions also appear to have the built in assumption of being Sp-blind insread. Would so-blind change your expectation of frequency for an ENFP, or can you give descriptions of both..?

There are… so many differences between those two types, in terms of ENFPs.

Basic things like the 7 being an optimist, the 6 being a pessimist. The 7 having a short attention span, the 6 being able to focus longer. The 7 having bouncing, random thoughts (especially with Ne) and the 6 having linear thinking. The 7 not following through on things, the 6 working steadily to avoid anxiety. The 7 dropping people, things, places, interests when bored and moving on; the 6 holding onto people, things, places, and interests longer than necessary. The 7 dreams of all the things you can do, the 6 tells you all the ways it will go wrong. The 7 being a more stereotypical ENFP, the 6 bringing in way more Te and Si.

You also NEED to consider the sx-first variant, because it makes a HUGE difference. Sx 7 is the most idealistic of the 7s – they don’t want to face the harsh realities of the world, they want to dream and have a good time and be with whomever catches their eye (for as long as that lasts, and for a 7, it is not often a long, long time) – and an sx6 is assertive, combative, and seeks to find someone to take care of them / combat their anxiety. So you have one driven by dreams and cheerfulness (sx7) and one driven by anxiety and self-doubt (sx6). The so-blind means neither one will be much concerned with people other than who they bond to (sx) and will look after their own needs (sp).

If you look at Veronica Mars, she’s a good example of an sx-first ENFP 6w7. Fearful, anxious, reactive, distrustful. Turns on people, tells them off, wonders about their motives – after trusting them too much and being burned. That’s how sx6w7 acts. Contrast her with any sx7 ENFP in the tags. The 7 ENFPs are generally upbeat, playful, optimistic and not nearly as intense as the sx6.

Hi there! This could be a really dumb question, but it’s something I’ve kind of been passively wondering about for a while... obviously, being a Feeler is not an indication of low intelligence (and Thinkers can feel, etc.), so it’s totally possible for a Thinker to be “less intelligent,” right? What would this look like/do you have any examples?

IQ has nothing to do with what personality type you are. There are stupid people of every type. Just go people-watch sometime. ;)

Do I have specific examples? No.

I will, however, say this. Being blessed in one area with a certain kind of intelligence has a deficit, always. A blind spot, if you will. Or an area in which you are not smart, even if overall you appear to have a high IQ. Like the brilliant professor who can do complex math equations in his head but wears mismatched socks to the office.

Reading about Stephen Hawking, it struck me how he could be so brilliant in certain ways and so foolish in others. It was actually heart-breaking. He was a very poor judge of character and wound up being mistreated, neglected, even abused later in his life because he placed himself into the hands of someone untrustworthy. That would seem foolish, and yet… he was brilliant. So there was the trade-off – smart in one area, but unwise in his personal choices.

In my opinion, there’s a difference between “intelligence” as defined by IQ and “wisdom,” which I would consider the true intelligence, because without wisdom you can have a high IQ and still screw up your life irreversibly. Without wisdom, you will chose the wrong business partners and romantic relationships. You will trust the wrong people. You will leap on the wrong opportunities. You will make poor choices in many aspects of your life. And unfortunately, because so many people with a high IQ consider themselves “smarter” than most other people, and thus often have a strong ego, wisdom is something they have to learn the hard way – if they learn it at all.

I'm 6w5 (social stacking) and I've had a very hard time self-typing. If I look at the functions, Fi and Ne are what I relate to the most but I don't relate much to most descriptions of INFPs (including the ones on this site). I'm more academic than I am artistic. Although I have a strong sense of identity, I still need reassurance from others. I do pour a lot of energy into elaborating a trustworthy and logical framework for myself (in a Ti-like manner). Can being 6w5 explain that?

Self typing is difficult, especially if you are a 3, 6, or 9, since all three of those can obscure your functional stack. (3′s tend to see themselves as how they want to be, not how they are; 6′s do not trust their own perceptions and can be inconsistent in their behavior; 9′s can identify a little bit with everything.) Unless you elaborate on what you consider to be a framework, I can’t answer to if you use Ti or not. (A lot of people say they use a framework and then you ask them to explain it and they go ??? or offer a shallow explanation that shows their lack of Ti; an actual Ti-dom can and usually enjoys talking about it.) Though yes, needing reassurances from others is so6 based.

As an NFP 6 so-core myself, I can tell you what it’s like to be a feeler and a 6.

I approach each situation from a logical standpoint. That’s what so6 is about – so6 does not necessarily mean clinging to an “outside” system for security (religion, politics, a social movement) but it can consider “logic” itself a system if you go by, it cannot fail. From a young age  I used “logic” as a system to feel secure. My thought process was and has always been, “If you are logical about this, you will stay safe and be okay.” I looked at people who made what I saw as illogical or irrational decisions as… irrational and unsafe.

It has not given me false Ti, because I don’t do inner frameworks. My logic is based in facts. If you can prove my facts wrong, I’ll change my mind. But you must use evidence and facts, not generalities or inferences or stereotypes.

I have over the years found Te-based (factual) excuses not to do things I did not feel like doing – to myself and others. How fast my brain switches to the facts of the situation sometimes astonishes me. Things like a friend asking if we could do a road trip and use my car. Aww, that’s a sweet thought but I’d rather put several thousand miles on a rental car than my own. Driving = miles on your car. Miles on your car = wear and tear on your car. Wear and tear on your car = the quicker you’re going to have to replace car. Mine has extremely low miles, is paid off, and in excellent condition. So, no, I’m not taking her on a road trip.

There’s also “rationalizing” with facts 6 does, which in a way is aggravating to me, because I’m never able to sulk for long. I’ll give you a specific example. I was friends with a small group whom I saw maybe once a month in my teens. I lived too far away to see them a lot (over an hour away) and I did not want to ask my parents to take me to their house a lot since it was inconvenient for them. We had a mutual fondness for a certain author’s work and agreed to see the movie adaptation of one of their books together when it came out. I looked forward to it. I wondered when we would go. I kept my eye on the release dates. And then I found out they had all gone without me.

I knew the truth: they had forgotten me. Out of sight, out of mind. I felt a little hurt but it did not take my 6 logic long to kick in and come up with a list of practical, factual reasons why they had left me out – thus diffusing my sense of disappointment. I live over an hour away, a parent would have to drive me to a theater downtown and then home again, when they lived within a short distance of each other and could carpool, and see each other every day and decided to go together some Saturday morning. It was not intended maliciously… they just forgot your excitement because they do not see you every day.

That soothed the burn because I accepted the reality of the situation. (But you’ll notice I haven’t forgotten it, either. ;)

Would believing that other people are responsible for their feelings and should be mature enough to choose not to get upset when you do something they don’t like be a low feeling thing? I just learned someone in my family thinks like this and I can’t understand it, and its even giving me mild anxiety. I get not letting others get to you, but believing that you should be able to do whatever you want and others should just choose to not get upset, seems heartless to me. The funny thing is this person gets very upset when other people don’t like them, or call them out on any thing that isn’t perfect. This person thinks they are an INFP 9, so maybe it’s some sort of loop or grip? It just seems off to me, I’d like to be able to help them, but I don’t even know where to start.

There’s a lot to unpack here, so we’ll start with this:

Would believing that other people are responsible for their feelings and should be mature enough to choose not to get upset when you do something they don’t like be a low feeling thing?

No, actually that’s Fi anywhere in the stack. What I mean by that is, Fi takes personal responsibility for how it feels and thinks other people should do the same. Fi knows that the only person responsible for its reactions is… me. And the only person responsible for correcting their own attitude is… me. And if I am responsible for all my reactions and feelings, I don’t see why other people should not do the same. Healthy Fi will not go out of their way to hurt other people, and will apologize for hurt feelings or misunderstandings, but it still believes that if there’s an overreaction or hurt feelings unnecessarily, the other person is responsible for adjusting their attitude.

You can actually tell an unhealthy Fe from a Fi based in where the blame goes. Fe points outward and is attentive to the emotional environment, so an unhealthy Fe is always going to blame the other people first. Fi is inward and focused on “me,” so the blame will go inward first. Thus you will have unhealthy Fe’s who blame other people for their feelings and opinions and overreactions and justify it in some way by refusing to take responsibility; and unhealthy Fi’s who take on too much blame in a relationship or assume it’s always their fault, because they did something wrong.

I get not letting others get to you, but believing that you should be able to do whatever you want and others should just choose to not get upset, seems heartless to me.

What you describe is unhealthy, immature Fi in terms of assuming you can do whatever you want without any emotional or real-life consequences. Fi needs a healthy, sensible Te or it develops an attitude of “this is who I am, get over it” – Te is what says, “Yes, but if you do this, that will cause these consequences.” You will no longer have friends. You will get a reputation as a selfish jerk. You may get fired. There’s your desire to do what you want, and the fact that like it or not, you live in a society that doesn’t care what you want. You also have friends and family who deserve better than for you to treat them poorly.

(On a different note, sounds like this person as an sp/sx social stacking. Meaning they are so-blind, which causes them not to care much about what others think of them. It’s all about their sp-needs and what stimulates them. They will have to work hard not to be isolationist and selfish, and find Fi [treat others as you would like to be treated] and Te [or these are the consequences / how you will sabotage yourself if you act this way] reasons for responsible, mature behavior that takes other people and their feelings into consideration.)

This person thinks they are an INFP 9, so maybe it’s some sort of loop or grip?

Might be Fi-dom (and probably is, frankly) but I’d doubt a 9. Even an sp/sx 9 still does not like conflict and “doing whatever you want” tends to make people upset with you.

I’d like to be able to help them, but I don’t even know where to start.

Just like they believe your feelings are your business, their health levels are their business. You cannot help them unless they want and ask for help. People will not change unless they want it badly enough to learn how to change and actively work toward it. It’s hard (believe me, I know…) but you either have to like them for who they are and let them be themselves and find their own path in life or if you can’t stand their behavior, find different friends.

-        ENFP Mod

IV Help for INFP 4w5 5w4 1w2

Based off of the information provided by you, I think it is safe to conclude that you are more likely an so/sp. You show a lot of awareness and orientation towards soc matters, apart from what you did share as evidence of possible soc in you. Being socially awkward can be indicative of the skewed first instinct. It is said that the first instinct is what we are neurotically insecure about. An sp first would be concerned with “Do I have enough? Will this be enough? How am I right now? Am so comfortable, safe?” That’s their number 1 priority. You don’t exhibit that kind of awareness about yourself.

Hating crowds and preferring one on one interactions, being an intense and romantic individual is also not conclusive proof of sx. You are an INFP, your dominant function is introverted. 4w5 also turns to pull away more from the world, even with a soc variant first. I would advise you to not conflate sx 5 and sx blind 4. The two are vastly different in terms of how the instinctual needs manifest when filtered through the lens of the pertinent enneagram type. It is true that sp 4 is the long suffering 4 that neither seeks to ooze and punish like a sexual 4, nor broadcast the image of a broken/unique individual by comparing itself to the rest of society or its groups like a social 4.

“I can’t actually see myself dating anyone I don’t have strong feelings for or knew as a friend beforehand, and I end up idealizing the person/never telling them anything.” - This is not sx. Sx has a sort of inexplicable pull towards someone, something that doms cannot control. Intensity alone is not sx. We all tend to exhibit intensity in one part of our life or another. Besides Fi doms can be very strong, tenacious and passionate people. Seeking friendship before love is a very good indicator of higher soc because friendship/connecting/affiliating/bonding are primarily soc concerns. This argument is supported by your over analysis of your actions, as well as the way you speak about work with a much wider focus than just enriching your resources first. Emotional intensity, competitiveness especially in the comparative sense you have mentioned is not sx 4. These are just 4 things, as the principle vice associated with this type is Envy.

Sx 5 has issues with trust. The way they open up to intimates is by confiding in them some pretty heavy secrets which can overwhelm the other person if they aren’t ready. It is like an intense secret inner world shared just between the 5 and the person they have sx-ed with, for lack of a better word. The strategies you mention for making friendships is also pretty heavily social dominant. I want to emphasize that being soc first does not mean that you are a social, outgoing individual who is super groups oriented. What it does mean is an acute awareness of others’ perception of you, the people and group dynamics in any room you walk into, knowledge of hierarchies and prioritizing them. Ichazo states that the instincts speak of unmet emotional needs. Misinformation about how the variants affect the enneagram type can cloud your understanding, or even lead to mistypes. Of that, sp 4 descriptions are the worst offenders. As a counter type, its description suffers from ambiguity and a lack of precision.

You are right in your analysis, in that you are sx blind who wanted to be an sx user. However, I urge you to reconsider the order of your stacking typing in light of the data provided by you. A good link to peruse would be oceanmoonshine. Hope that clears it up!

- ENTP Mod.