#he's crazy but it's funny

[feyhunter78]

"You Know Other Men??"

So I based this off that one incorrect HOTD quote that goes:

Reader: "You are the most jealous man I know."

Aemond: "You know other men??"

You ran your hands through your hair, beyond frustrated, as you watched Aemond clean the blood from his sword. You had not been married for very long, but your courtship had been nearly a year, so you believed you understood Aemond’s moods quite well. Clearly you were mistaken.

“You seem upset, dear wife.” He remarked, glancing up at you, blood splattered across his face.

“Upset? Do I really?” You asked mockingly, your voice high-pitched and strained.

“Yes, you are doing that thing where you smile, but you are actually quite angry.” He said, a mischievous smile on his perfectly pink lips.

You want to strangle him, you want to kiss him, gods perhaps you would do both. “You did not have to kill Lord Edwin.”

Aemond raised an eyebrow. “You are my wife, it is my duty to defend your honor.”

“He was merely informing me that my skirt had been torn.” You protested; eyes wide in disbelief.

Aemond finished cleaning his sword and set it on a nearby table, turning fully to face you. “Why was he looking near your skirts at all? He was aware you were a married woman; his eyes should not linger below your chin.”

It’s maddening how good he looks covered in blood, and you have to restrain yourself from grabbing him and dragging him back to your shared chambers.

“He was being kind. Just like Sir Dorin, Lord Balter and that barkeep in Fleabottom, all were merely being kind.”

Aemond stepped closer to you, tilting your chin up with one finger. “Sir Dorin was clearly lusting after you, I caught Lord Balter pawing at your bodice, and that barkeep was intentionally trying to get you intoxicated so that he could have his vile ways with you.”

“Sir Dorin was assigned to protect me, Lord Balter was simply admiring my necklace, which he intended to purchase a duplicate of for his betrothed, and the barkeep was only giving me drinks because you were paying for them.” You counted off the explanations on your fingers, eyes fixed on Aemond.

His smoldering gaze was slowly chipping at your anger, and when his hand came up to grasp your waist, fingers splayed, your breathing picked up.

“I hear no reason for why they should have lived.” He said simply, dipping his head, his nose brushing along your cheek, voice low and vibrating through you.

“Aemond.” You sputtered, flabbergasted at the way he could so easily circumvent your words while smoothly disarming your anger with the barest touch.

“Y/N.” He purred, lips brushing against yours. “Do not be angry with me, sweet wife, I cannot help but be protective. You are so beautiful, and I know if you were married to another, I would stop at nothing to steal you away from him.”

Your face was hot, your resolve all but crumbling, as you felt yourself lean into his touch. “How far would you go for me, my love?”

Aemond’s hand gently cupped the back of your neck, lips against yours as he spoke. “I would kill for you, y/n, you know this. You have seen this.”

You toyed with the lapels of his coat. “But if I was not yours, what would you do?”

He meshed his lips fully with yours in a searing kiss, the hand on your waist like a vice grip, as he skillfully took you under the taste of mint on his tongue, so unique and so Aemond. Ever the man of duty, he was always presentable, always in perfect condition. Never did you find his appearance unpleasant, even now when he was covered in an innocent man’s blood, you craved his skin against yours, pushing yourself flush against him, uncaring if your dress got ruined.

“I would hunt you and your husband down, captivate you with my words and actions, take you to my chambers and make you see stars over and over until you forgot your wretched husband ever existed.” He said, pressing heated kisses to your skin.

“But I would still be married.” You reminded him.

“I would take you in front of your husband, let him see how his wife writhes on my cock, how she begs for the pleasure only I can give her.” He growled.

You whimpered at his words and squeezed your thighs together.

He smirked, his fingers caressing your clothed side, gently creating a confusing mix of emotions to bubble within you. “Then after you finished, babbling my name, too cockdrunk to form a proper sentence, I would make sure he saw as I seeded you. Make him watch as I ensure that my son takes root within you.”

“Yes,” you breathed out, hand fisted in his tunic. Your chest brushed against his as your breathing turned rapid, your pupils blown wide with lust.

“Then I would kill him, feed him to Vhagar and bring you home.” He finished, pressing a sweet kiss to your clavicle.

You blink in confusion as he pulls away, an unbothered expression on his face. “I think you are the most jealous man I know.” You said, hand still clinging to his tunic.

Aemond hummed lowly, his eye roaming your face. “You know other men?”

You rolled your eyes and playfully smacked his chest. “As if you did not know. Their blood is on your sword, dear husband.”

“Better their blood on my sword, then their hands upon your skin.” He responded, shrugging as he fought back a smile.

“You are insufferable.” You said, shrieking with laughter when he swept you into his arms and kissed you.

“And you are lovely.” He said, connecting your lips once more, you both smiling into the kiss.

Tag list: @nyctophilic0vitnir, @svtansdaddyx, @fan-goddess, @dc-marvel-girl96, @shintax-error, @bellameshipper, @the141bandicoot, @the-phantom-of-arda, @haydee5010

[doctorsiren]

Gravity Falls AU where everything is exactly the same except Bill’s parents are alive and well, and they’re just so proud of their chaotic dream demon son

[mellosghosts]

in my heart this joke is in the movie, but unfortunately im afraid only we, hughjackmaniacs, would get it 🥀

[corvid-khaos]

fionna and cake but simon drops increasingly wild anecdotes about his life

[linktoo-doodles]

i'll strangle you or i'll kiss you on the mouth

[ofswordsandpens]

percy, mentally ill: I feel like I deserve to die. It's a punishment because im a horrible person. Does that sound crazy?

jason, also mentally ill: No that tracks bro samesies

[drenched-in-sunlight]

i love the DLC man

[chloesimaginationthings]

None of the FNAF Mikes or Vanessas are normal,,

[mxcrayon]

losing my actual mind rn

i had this interaction in the dropout discord (i am the first and third person). short. simple. i only got the first year bc of a discount + a gift card i had, so i was planning on using this person's suggestion.

then, i got this.

oh my god!! how nice!! how sweet!!! how thoughtful!! i gave them my email and they sent over a subscription, i thanked them profusely. i was very grateful, very touched.

hours and hours later i was still thinking about it and i recalled how, in the email id gotten about it, it said "tao yang sent you a subscription" and id seen that and thought "oh haha like the tao yang" and then moved on

but now, thinking back, i was like.... theres no way, so i googled tao yang.

......

TAO YANG BOUGHT ME A FUCKING ANNUAL DROPOUT SUBSCRIPTION

[kiisaes]

momma's boy

[luckyjorabbit]

Hank hill and dale gribble comic 👍

[rennenaway]

I mean

I'm not wrong?

[plutoons]

max for the masses

[seilnakyle]

Multiverse: Collision Detected #1

[starry-bi-sky]

i think i'm hilarious -- aka i made blood blossom danny au memes

all of these come from my DpxDC prompt "i am pushing the batdad agenda--" and it's corresponding additions in the reblogs ksdjlf.

i am. rotating them in my head. forever and always. personally i think there should be more batdad aus in dpxdc, their dynamic could be neat. :)

[willowser]

i really think having an emotional connection is so important to bakugou sexually.

like, i think he has to be in the exact right mood in order to get off by himself at home alone. can't be too tired, can't be too stressed out, can't have too much on his mind regarding work or other things, and even if it's been a while and his body is sensitive and wanting for it—if his head is not right, he can sit there for hours and never reach his peak.

which is why i think ultimately he doesn't do it that often, because it pisses him off to waste the time and not find the release. makes him more agitated. i think porn for the most part doesn't help him because he's too picky, literature probably helps a bit more, but he's still picky, and his imagination can get him there, but his headspace has to be right.

i think he's slow to hands-on stuff, when your relationship starts, and you can tell he's going to be like that pretty quickly. he responds to your touch like it's an accident; you reach out to hold his hand and he pulls his back like your knuckles have knocked by chance, like you're too close. it's not meant to be a rejection of any kind, it's just—he doesn't want you to touch him if you don't want to. if you don't mean to.

but when he realizes that you mean to, that you want to—

it has him skyrocketing. surprises him terribly, the affect you have on his body, and how quickly, because not even he can always have that affect on his own body.

you reach up to push some hair out of his face and your fingers skirt his cheekbone and he feels like a stupid gross disgusting puddle of mush. you loop your arm through his and lean into him while you're walking and he feels like a prize, like he's yours and you're his and you want everybody to know and that gives him a rush of pride that makes his head woozy.

he's dropping you off at home after date number he-doesn't-know and you're staring up at him outside your front door and he knows he should kiss you so he does and his whole body lights up with a heat he doesn't recognize at all. just from that.

and then he finally gets it: that heart-aching, stomach turning, body shaking want he's only ever heard about, and now finally feels.