#he's so funny i literally will never not laugh at this scene

[crehador]

i need to pick kubo up by the ankles and shake him upside down until the scene where kensei reacts to hisagi’s tattoo falls out i have been thinking about this for well over ten years there are too many possibilities i NEED to know

[maddy-ferguson]

Swifties can be so annoying sometimes like why would you make a guy who canonically likes rock a swiftie 😭 and it is not just about will this time it is about jonathan

lmaooo the swiftie will agenda is already questionable but saying that jonathan would be a swiftie is insane

[infizero]

ok i finished the matrix. me when movie that is universally acclaimed and beloved is really fucking good: omg no way why isnt anyone talking about this

[spirits-having-flown]

“matthew, it is with heavy heart i say goodbye. the times we had together are honestly among the favorite times of my life. it was an honor to share the stage with you and to call you my friend. i will always smile when i think of you and i’ll never forget you. never. spread your wings and fly brother, you’re finally free. much love. and i guess you’re keeping the 20 bucks you owe me.” - matt leblanc

“i am so grateful for every moment i had with you matty and i miss you every day. when you work with someone as closely as i did with matthew, there are thousands of moments i wish i could share. for now here's one of my favorites. to give a little backstory, chandler and monica were supposed to have a one night fling in london. but because of the audience's reaction, it became the beginning of their love story. in this scene, before we started rolling, he whispered a funny line for me to say. he often did things like that. he was funny and he was kind. 🤍🕊️" - courteney cox

“oh boy this one has cut deep... having to say goodbye to our matty has been an insane wave of emotions that i've never experienced before. we all experience loss at some point in our lives. loss of life or loss of love. being able to really sit in this grief allows you to feel the moments of joy and gratitude for having loved someone that deep. and we loved him deeply. he was such a part of our dna. we were always the 6 of us. this was a chosen family that forever changed the course of who we were and what our path was going to be. for matty, he knew he loved to make people laugh. as he said himself, if he didn't hear the 'laugh' he thought he was going to die. his life literally depended on it. and boy did he succeed in doing just that. he made all of us laugh. and laugh hard. in the last couple weeks, i've been pouring over our texts to one another. laughing and crying then laughing again. i'll keep them forever and ever. i found one text that he sent me out of nowhere one day. it says it all. matty, i love you so much and i know you are now completely at peace and out of any pain. i talk to you every day... sometimes i can almost hear you saying "could you BE any crazier?" rest little brother. you always made my day... ❤️🕊️” - jennifer aniston

“matty, thank you for ten incredible years of laughter and creativity. i will never forget your impeccable comic timing and delivery. you could take a straight line of dialogue and bend it to your will, resulting in something so entirely original and unexpectedly funny it still astonishes. and you had heart. which you were generous with, and shared with us, so we could create a family out of six strangers. this photo is from one of my favorite moments with you. now it makes me smile and grieve at the same time. i imagine you up there, somewhere, in the same white suit, hands in your pockets, looking around— "Could there BE any more clouds?” “ - david schwimmer

“shot the pilot, friends like us, got picked up then immediately, we were at the nbc upfronts. then... you suggested we play poker and made it so much fun while we initially bonded. thank you for that. thank you for making me laugh so hard at something you said, that my muscles ached, and tears poured down my face every day. thank you for your open heart in a six way relationship that required compromise. and a lot of "talking." thank you for showing up at work when you weren't well and then, being completely brilliant. thank you for the best 10 years a person gets to have. thank you for trusting me. thank you for all I learned about grace and love through knowing you. thank you for the time i got to have with you, matthew.” - lisa kudrow

friends cast remembers matthew perry 🤍🕊️

[ode2rin]

Was it because he sometimes fail to call you due to opposite time zones? Or was it the frequent periods when he wasn't at home? Had the distance finally played its game in your relationship?

Out of all people, you were the last person Sae would have expected to betray him like this.

Yet, it happened. You blindsided him.

“I’m just three episodes ahead! Stop being so dramatic!” you protested from the other end of the couch.

Yes, that's the grave betrayal you've committed. Was it worth fighting over? Maybe. Was he being petty? Of course not. The act itself could be the equivalent of your partner lying to you. A literal crime, if he can say so himself. 

“We were supposed to watch it together,” he frowned, his eyes fixed on the Netflix series playing on the TV with its soft glow highlighting the contours of Sae's face as he continued to express his mock indignation. “Together.” He stressed every syllable, dragging out the pettiness, much to your annoyance.

And there you both were, caught in the crossfire of a relationship dispute sparked by the unspoken rules of synchronized streaming. 

Were there any rules in the first place? Well, according to Sae's book, there certainly were. Because, much to his denial, Sae loves your relationship’s traditions. One of them being this – the two of you wrapped in thick blankets with you curling up to his side and his hands fiddling with yours while you both spend the night away watching a show you mentioned in your call with him when he was away. 

Now, however, the two of you (mainly him) are faced with the big question of how to enjoy said tradition when you're already three episodes ahead.

“I apologized already,” you point out.

“You said sorry after saying oh yeah, I kind of watched it and shrugged. Talk about sincerity.” 

You bite back your laughter at his words. You knew your boyfriend had a great tendency to be dramatic, but he surprises you every time he pulls out a fit like this one. 

“And look, you’re even laughing.” he glares at you. “You find it so funny that you broke your promise to watch it with me, is that it?”

“Oh, come on! How did you even know that I already watched it?! I was acting pretty well!” you exclaimed at him while inching closer, trying to get close to where he’s seated. 

Five minutes before this whole theatrics, Sae was sitting close to you. However, after realizing your betrayal, the sheer spite in him compelled him to retreat to the opposite end of the couch, far from your lying ass.

“Your acting skills are shit,” he tells you before rolling his eyes again.

It was a lie. He almost couldn’t tell except after one passing comical scene of the show.

Sae has developed a habit of looking at you whenever there’s a scene he thinks you would find remotely funny, no matter how ridiculous the said scene might be for him. At every joke and witty banter, he would turn to you for your own laugh.

You never caught on to this habit, and Sae would rather feed on those horrendous french fries than tell you how he seeks the way you throw your head back, and how your eyes momentarily shut from laughing because the sight spreads an indefinable warmth in his chest and how the sound fills every quiet corner of his once empty space. 

So imagine his surprise when you weren’t laughing. You were smiling – yes, but it wasn’t a laugh he seeks.

Sae was on the verge of turning his head again after hearing a sigh escape your lips. You’re sighing? And it was deep too, like it was telling him you’re getting sick of it. The absolute nerve.

“Did you just sigh–”

But before Sae could finish his sentence, your arms gracefully snaked around his torso, enveloping him in that comforting back hug you always bestowed upon him.

“I said I’m sorry,” you whispered against his shoulder blades, your right cheek caressing his back as you planted a feather-light kiss in that spot. You saw him momentarily close his eyes at your touch, making you smile secretly in triumph. 

You’ve loved this man long enough to memorize how to soften his rough edges.

“I was bored to my wits’ end last week, I couldn’t help it but check it out,” you added, your voice carrying a persuasive tone.

Last week. He was supposed to be home by that time. If he was, the two of you would be comfortably cuddling on this very same couch. But some lukewarm fool managing the team decided to extend his misery in Spain for another week.

“I don’t like that look.” 

His thoughts were cut off by the sound of your stern voice. Unbeknownst to Sae’s preoccupied self, you’ve been staring at his face far longer than a minute to notice his miniscule change of expression when you mentioned last week. Turning to his right shoulder where you were, he raised an eyebrow in question.

“I know you. Spit it out,” you demanded, a knowing glint in your eyes.

And truth be told, you do know him. You were right. For a moment, his thoughts lingered on how much easier it would be to have more nights of just you and him if he wasn't away all the time.

But he couldn’t tell you that, not just yet. Maybe when the timing finally called for his proposition. “I’m sorry my stay got extended,” is what he said instead, hoping to convey what he couldn’t put into words.

“You know I don’t mind, besides, I understand.”

“I know.”

Sensing an unspoken ‘but...’ in his words, you looked up to him, meeting his perceptive teal eyes. He didn’t need to say anything more. You knew him, after all.

To lighten the mood, you decided to test your luck by teasing him. “Oh, my big dramatic baby,” you cooed.

“I’m not a damn baby,” he snorted, beginning to squirm out of your embrace as if to prove a point without letting his ears betray him by turning red.

“Shh, you are. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone else. I wouldn’t dare sabotage the Japan prodigy’s aloof badass rep to shit.”

You saw his mouth twitched, holding back his own amusement. God, even after all of those tender affections from you, this guy is still trying to be petty as hell.

“I don’t have an aloof badass reputation.”

“Yeah, because what you are is a dramatic spiteful boyfriend who thrives on being petty.”

“You’re really making it hard to forgive you, y/n.”

“Forgive me already!” You gaped at him, “And you say I’m the dramatic one in this relationship!”

Sae, like the rude person he is, ignored your whines, reaching for the remote to turn the show to the fourth episode. He then carefully placed you in his lap, turning you to face the TV, your back now pressing against his chest. As you watched everything he did in bewilderment, you turned to him, “but you won’t enjoy the story if we start on the fourth episode.”

True, but he preferred it when you were the one enjoying. “I’ll ask you questions along the way, and you can tell me about it,” he reassured you before pressing a kiss to your hair.

Exactly as he anticipated, your excitement to catch him up on the last three episodes was palpable. 

The living room transformed into a sanctuary of your laughter as you animatedly narrated each event that happened. He could barely understand the fourth one with all of your extra comments and snarky remarks on the characters that he doubts is even a part of the actual plot. The night danced away in the soothing rhythm of your voice and the murmur of a TV show, until your breaths finally eased into the cadence of sleep.

Silently, Sae turned off the TV, reveling in the tranquility of the room as he gathered you in his arms to head into your shared bedroom. Gently placing your slumbering form on your side of the bed, he settled beside you and draped the blanket over the two of you. Pulling you close, he nestled your head against his chest, one arm securing you at the waist.

But before sleep could fully claim his senses, he heard you mumbling.

“Sae?” 

Responding with a gentle hum, he felt your movements, your hands exploring the contours of his back as if tracing invisible lines and circles.

“About earlier,” you start, your voice barely above a whisper, “I’m not going anywhere. I'll be here, waiting for you to get home.”

His eyes opened, the drowsiness dissipating in the wake of your words, replaced by your warmth all over his body next to yours.

“So, it’s okay,” you continued, your words a tender caress against his collarbones, “We have plenty of time for movie nights and catching up on shows.”

Silence embraced you both, the room a canvas painted in the soft strokes of your steady breaths and the gentle thud of his heartbeat. Sae didn’t verbally respond to your assurance. Instead, you felt him pressed a soft kiss to the crown of your head and his arm around your waist tightening its hold.

He didn’t say anything, but his silence and his embrace was loud enough for you to know everything he wanted to say.

Of course, you both had time— a wealth of moments to spend more nights like this. He’ll make sure of it. After all, he looks forward to spending his days off in the tranquility of your presence. No matter how mundane it could get — as long as it’s with you.

note. it's been a while since i wrote this man.. i still cannot stand him and his petty ass by the way.

[twstowo]

hihi, i love your work, its super cute! i would like to request if you don't mind!

could you write for ace and floyd with a reader who has a pudgy face? as in their cheeks are chubby and they kind of resemble a hamster or a cat at times lol, thank u!

♡︎Chubby Cheeks gang rise up!!

♡︎Includes: Ace and Floyd

♡︎Warning: None

⋆⋅☆Ace

First things first, HE WILL make fun of your chubby cheeks, there is no escape from his teasing. He probably calls you a chipmunk in front of everyone to embarrass you. If you tell him to stop, he will just roll his eyes at you but will actually tone it down.

He overhears Deuce calling you a hamster while you are eating and poking your cheeks, being all lovey-dovey with you, and he almost throws up at the scene. He needs to stop it before he really gets sick, not because he is jealous or anything like that!

The next time he sees you, he has this suspicious expression on his face, and you are ready to just run away from him because whatever is coming is never good with Ace. However, he just holds your face in his hands and rubs your cheeks. You can see that he is trying to be affectionate, just like Deuce, but the moment is so awkward with him just staring at you. If you laugh at his actions, he will become so embarrassed and just pull his hands away at the speed of light. He tries to come up with a smart comeback, telling you that he wasn’t trying to be nice or anything like that. Just kiss him so that he can be quiet for once.

⋆⋅☆Floyd

He will chew on your cheeks; you can't change my mind. He will be behind you, hugging you, and he just starts biting them. When he hugs you, he will rub his face on yours just to feel your chubby cheeks, and he won’t stop until he feels satisfied.

Once, he locked a guy inside a locker because he overheard him talking bad about your face. He will never tolerate anyone talking ill of you like that.

He will poke both your cheeks while you are drinking water, making you spill everything, and he finds it so funny. You look like a pufferfish to him, and that is literally your new nickname for him.

You once came across Floyd’s notebook, and it was so embarrassing when you found a page filled with drawings of pufferfish. He will look you dead in the face with his sharp smile and tell you that he was thinking about you.

[gffa]

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOST IT AT THIS YEAH IT WAS FUNNY WHEN THE ANZELLAN WAS LIKE “BAD BABY!  NO SQUEEZIE!” BUT ALSO LOOK AT THEM ABSOLUTELY ZERO ATTEMPTS WERE MADE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE ANYTHING OTHER THAN TWO PUPPETS ON A STRING THAT PUPPET’S FEET ARE BARELY EVEN TOUCHING THE TABLE HE’S WALKING ON THOSE LEG MOVEMENTS ARE THE LEAST NATURAL THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE THEY ARE BOTH UTTERLY TOP HEAVY AND YET NEVER SEEM TO EVEN THINK ABOUT FALLING RIGHT ONTO THEIR GIANT OVERSIZED HEADS AND IT’S FUCKING GLORIOUS THIS SHOW REALLY EMBRACED THE GLORIOUS ROOTS OF STAR WARS PUPPETRY WHERE THEY’RE CHARMING AND ADORABLE AND HILARIOUS AND NONE OF YOU ARE ON FRANK OZ’S LEVEL DON’T EVEN FUCKING TRY SO THEY DIDN’T!  THEY JUST GAVE THE FUCK UP AND SAID, HERE, ENJOY YOUR VERY OBVIOUSLY IMMERSION BREAKING PUPPETS LITERALLY FUCKING T  A  P     D  A  N  C  I  N  G ACROSS THE TABLE FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT. AND I DID.  I ENJOYED IT SO FUCKING MUCH. IMMERSION IS OVERRATED, I AM TIRED OF FRANK OZ’S UTTER GENIUS AT MAKING CREATURES MOVE REALISTICALLY, I WANT SOME FUCKING PUPPETS TAP DANCING FOR MY AMUSEMENT AND THE MANDALORIAN DELIVERED THIS IS WHAT STAR WARS IS ABOUT AND I LAUGHED UNTIL I CRIED WATCHING THIS SCENE

[shawnxstyles]

personal 2

DATE: SEPTEMBER 9, 2023

summary: you can’t stop thinking about your first orgasm, so you try to relieve yourself of the ache. when you’re left unsatisfied, you reach out to harry for some guided practice.

words: 6.6k

requested: a bunch!

warnings: SMUT (f- receiving [masturbation, dry humping (?), thigh riding/rubbing], praise kink, dirty talk), language, and two horny best friends

note: this is a new series i plan on writing (but i don’t know if i want it to have a plot or just blurbs)!! i literally have so many requests (what’s new…), but i have a lot of motivation to write this right now, plus i’ve gotten a lot of requests for it as well. i hope you guys don’t mind the delay of my other writings… x PART THREE

bestfriendrry x inexperienced!reader

—

It’s been a week since you last saw Harry.

Yeah, you’ve texted here and there. Maybe if you saw some funny video that you just had to tag him in or vice versa you would, but you haven’t actually seen him. Not physically. You think if you did, you might just die.

The second that you rose up from his bathroom floor after having your first orgasm ever (and mind you, it was mind-blowing), you stiffly cuddled up with him on the couch to watch the movie he picked out. If he seemed confused by your quietness or hardened body, he didn’t say it. Your head on his chest would vibrate every time he laughed at something funny, but it was hard for you to voice some of your own giggles out. You couldn’t focus on anything other than his body pressed against yours, so similarly yet so differently to how it was merely hours before.

From your position, you were able to feel his heart beating, organ pumping blood and keeping him alive. Stable. And that’s all you felt from him; his stableness and calmness. Your heart was thrashing around anxiously in your rising chest while he was just calm. His lively beat was as calm as the ocean waves, so relaxing that you drifted off to sleep before the movie had ended.

In a deep, much-needed slumber, Harry could feel your body loosen up. He didn’t want to say anything, but he could feel your tenseness. That was the opposite of what he wanted to happen. Orgasms were supposed to make a person relaxed and stress-free, but your body felt nothing like that. He could practically hear all your anxious gears overthinking in your little head. He wanted to pry every thought out and reassure you that whatever you’re thinking is fine and that he’s there for you. But he knew he had coaxed enough out of you when you spilled out your biggest secret to him, earning yourself your first orgasm in the process.

So, Harry never brought it up. Not through the funny parts of the movie, the romantic scenes, or even the ads. He just let the air between you guys grow incredibly thick with your silence, but pretended like he could see through the fog. He remained as nonchalant as possible–it was his forte after all. After you fell asleep, Harry let the movie ride out. He tried to pay attention the whole time instead of pondering what you might be thinking, but he didn’t do too well. If someone were to quiz him on the film, he would fail horribly.

Harry shuts the television off and cradles you up into his arms. Your head lumped onto his shoulder like dead weight before you snuggled up right into his neck. Harry had carried you many times before, and even more times while you’re asleep like that, but the way his skin was getting all warm and melty was something he’d never experienced with you. Your nose was right up against his pulse and it made him feel sensitive and vulnerable, but also so warm and alive. It was really hard for him to stay calm.

When he reached his bedroom, he gently unwrapped you from his body and laid you on his bed. He watched in awe as you immediately curled into a ball like a fetus, trying to hold on to something for comfort. After a few minutes, Harry joined you in his bed and threw your hands around him. Your subconscious didn’t hesitate to scoot closer and bathe in his body heat, snuggling into your favorite pillow; his chest.

It was really hard to stay calm.

You both woke up and went on your way for that day as if nothing happened. You had an afternoon lecture that you had to catch and Harry had to go to work. It was alright. Everything was fine. Everything was normal. Right?

But you couldn’t stop thinking about Harry.

Normally, that would never have been a problem. He’s your best friend, so of course you think about him all the time! Sometimes, you’ll see a sign or a poster on the news board when walking to class that reminds you of one of your guys’ inside jokes that you just have to send to him. If he sees something too, he’ll send it your way. You both find it fun and endearing at the same time because that’s what best friends do; so alike and attuned that they’re always on the same wavelength of thinking. It was normal. But the way you’re obsessively thinking about Harry isn’t normal. You couldn’t even convince yourself that it was and that’s saying something.

Your mind kept drifting off to the way everything played out last week. Even when you were in class on Friday afternoon (one week later) you just couldn’t help thinking of the cold bathroom floor and the fiery body pressed against you. It was so contrasting–it was so wrong. The angel and the devil on your shoulders were bickering more than ever, and you didn’t have a clue whose side you were on.

Harry’s assertive voice echoed in your head, almost as if you were trying to remember it. You had never heard him talk the way he was talking to you last Thursday. It was deep, sultry, and demanding—something you never would have known you liked. You’re not even sure if you actually liked that or if you just liked when Harry did it. Well, you don’t really have anything to base your sexual likings on yet…

When his hands delicately touched and teased you, down your stomach, down your thighs, you felt it. You felt it for days after. His touch lingered like a ghost on your skin, etching a tattoo of himself on you forever. It was blinding and fogging your vision so much, you couldn’t even focus in class. The second that your Friday class was over, you shot straight home. You didn’t look at your phone as you hurriedly discarded your shoes and jacket and stumbled into your bedroom.

You plopped yourself on your mattress with a familiar goal in mind that you were never able to achieve before; you were going to masturbate. Now that you could do it, you were going to relieve yourself of this… stress.

It only took a few seconds before your clothes were completely off and your head was planted against the headboard. You widened your legs and watched your lips slowly pry themselves open with the stretch. You swallowed, small anxiety bubbling in your throat. But you knew what you were doing now. You knew how to do it right because Harry showed you.

Oh fuck. You should not be thinking about Harry right now.

A small amount of wetness coated your labia. It was inevitable–the second his name popped into your head, your mind began to not only recall but wander. You remembered his gravelly voice in your ear, guiding you, showing you, teasing you, praising you. You remembered the ghost of his touch that you attempted to replicate with your own, but it wasn’t the same. And of course, you remembered his bulge that was harshly pressing into your lower back, pleading to be helped. You remembered everything a little too vividly, but it made you so wet thinking about it, and it made it so easy to rub the little button that Harry showed you.

Your clit was puffy, swollen, and needy just like you. Your middle finger circled over it with desperation, snatching some of your wetness to make it sloppier. Your breath started to become unsteady as your eyes trained on your pussy, now soaking with your arousal.

This is when your mind begins to wander. You start imagining things that you haven’t done with Harry yet, but were so intrigued by. You imagined getting on your knees for him and taking him in your mouth, so you could finally relieve his bulky ache. He would encourage you, caress you, and call you a “good girl” in his thick, leather-like voice. The thought of satisfying him until he’s groaning above you has you spreading your legs wider and spinning your finger around your clit faster.

Just like Harry did, you snake your hand up to one of your peaked nipples. You found it was difficult to rub yourself while also tweaking your pebbled buds. It was definitely something you needed to gain muscle memory on, especially if you planned on doing this when you got stressed. Which was often.

You didn’t know how often you would get wet though. You hoped it wasn’t too frequently because like right now, you weren’t completely fulfilled. If you had to do this every other day, you would probably be even more upset if you weren’t satisfied each time. You felt that chase-like desire bubbling up inside of you, like with Harry, but it wasn’t nearly as blissful. Maybe the first one is always better than the rest and with each one you’ll just be a little more disappointed as time goes on. But as a shrieked moan leaves your mouth when you orgasm, a small voice in the back of your head is telling you the real reason you’re not satisfied.

Harry isn’t here.

—

On Saturday morning, after sleeping like shit under your shoe, you asked Harry if you could come over. Usually, you would have more self-control, but there was something about an orgasm that strangled and stole any self-preservation you had.

When you woke up, you went straight to the bathroom just to find out you were wet. Again. The word really? spilled from your lips before you could stop it. You assumed that you had some type of dirty dream, and you wouldn’t be surprised if it was about Harry. But you’re glad you didn’t remember it. You were hurriedly wiping up your mess and tossing your shorts in your laundry bin. In some type of rush, you took a speedy shower like it was a competition.

Then you stared at your phone, wondering if you should do it. Should you text Harry? You’ve never thought about it this much ever, but one message could mean everything if he looked at it right. What if he thought you were obsessed with him?

No, don’t think that.

Texting your best friend is normal. Asking your best friend for sexual help was normal too. Right…?

Y/N: hey, what are you doing today?

You felt a little nervous. Not because you were texting Harry but because of what your intentions were. What if he felt like you were just using him? Your heart spiked when you saw the three small bubbles.

Harry: I just got off work

Harry: Want to come over?

He knew you too well.

—

The second he texted you he was home, you went towards his place. With every red light you hit, you bubbled with anticipation, drumming your fingertips on the steering wheel. Your anxiousness turned into a ball of excitement when you were actually in front of his door.

He opened it with a charming smile, one that you recognized all too well. You welcomed yourself inside and tried to seem as normal as possible. But you couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Your mind kept wandering back to that feeling in your lower stomach.

“So… how was work?” You asked, creating some small talk as you plopped yourself on his couch. The very couch where everything started.

That was not helping.

Harry gave you a look, one with squinted eyes and a half chuckle. “Fine? What’s up?”

“What’s down?” You cringed as the words came out, your nervousness shining through.

“Why are you acting so weird? Are you okay, Doll?” Your stomach simmered at the nickname, differently than ever before. You had a feeling that name was never going to be the same for you again. You sighed, squeezing your legs together as Harry dropped himself next to you. His close proximity was nearly killing you. Not only did he radiate warmth but he smelt good—like he just showered in a tropical forest.

What is wrong with him?

“I’m not fine,” You admitted as your head fell in your hands. Harry grew concerned with scrunched eyebrows, throwing an arm around the back of the couch and waited for you to continue. When you didn’t, he asked.

“Well, d’you want to tell me what’s wrong or just sit ‘ere and complain? C’mon, Doll.”

You groaned, crossing your legs. The throbbing between them was so prominent, it was like a second heartbeat. Your hands balled into fists on your side, nails digging into your palms. Harry watched all your movements that you tried to withstrain.

“You can’t call me that anymore.”

“Woah, what?” Harry’s eyebrows jumped, extremely puzzled and surprised by your attitude. You’ve never had a problem with the name for the years he’s been saying it, so what changed?

“It’s—it’s killing me, H! Everything you’re doing is… just killing me and I don’t know why. I think I might explode. Is this what dying feels like?” You admitted, throwing your hands over your eyes again as a way to hide in embarrassment. Harry feels himself relax a bit, he even chuckles in the air you thought was thick with tension. When you hear his laugh, you look at him like he’s crazy. “This isn’t funny!”

“Oh but it is.” It was evident that Harry knew you weren’t actually upset with him. You were just innocently turned on so much that you were frustrated. And Harry so happened to be the only one to know your little secret. So why wouldn’t you come to him?

“No, you ruined me. Am I going to be… like this forever?”

“What, you mean horny? Probably.”

“Ugh, I hate you.”

“Then why are you here?” he smirks, patiently waiting for you to confess. You huffed under your breath while your eyes stared at your legs, thighs squeezing together at his cockiness. You were so annoyed at his control, but your body for some reason got off on it. You needed whatever he had because clearly only he could give it to you. “Look at me.”

You craned your neck up faster than you would have liked to admit, glaring at his darkening green eyes. A heat swirled not only in the pits of your stomach but in the air around you both, suffocating you with its tension. After gazing at your appearance for longer than necessary, his smirk deepens, which you didn’t even know was possible.

“I have a feeling…” he starts as his hand slowly creeps towards your neck from the back of the couch. “That you’re unsatisfied.”

“Yes,” You grumbled.

“Did you try to relieve your ache? Or did you just let it build up? Either way, you found yourself here.”

Your skin ran hot. Fiery hot. His hand brushed over your neck and he could definitely feel the scorching flames of your skin. Your heart was racing trying to keep up with your body’s excitement, making your eyes blown out and wide.

“I… tried to relieve it.”

“Did you do it the way I taught you?”

“…yes.”

“Did you feel satisfied?” You took a pause before responding, but Harry knew the answer.

“No,” You were honest, just like before. A part of you felt ashamed again, too. Maybe you didn’t do it right and you were just a lost cause. Instead of looking sad at your predicament like last time, Harry smirked. That fucking smirk. It meant he knew something you didn’t and that frustrated you more.

“So I was right. You just need a little help s’all,” his thick hand gently squeezed your neck, causing you to hum and close your eyes. He loved how responsive and sensitive you were, it lit a fire in him. “So how’d you do it, hm?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, walk me through it. What made you want to masturbate in the first place?”

Your eyes shot open and looked as far away from him as possible. Your body clearly stiffened and got anxious from the question. You felt your hips squirm in their tight position on the couch, begging to move. Your little button was throbbing, so much it was becoming painful.

“Don’t lie. I can’t help you then,” Harry was being taunting and condescending. A tingle sparked within you, urging you to be truthful. You hoped he would help you like before because like you said, it was getting painful and you were getting desperate.

“I-I kept thinking about last week.”

“What part?”

“Um, the whole thing,” You bit your lip, twiddling your fingers.

“Be specific.”

“Harry…” You practically whined, covering your face for the third time in embarrassment. “Can you just… make it go away please? It obviously didn’t work when I did it.”

“‘Course I will, just walk me through what happened first.”

“Fine,” You took a deep breath and put your head up. You positioned your body to face him, trying to speak with confidence. “I got distracted in class and was thinking about…you know…and then I went home. I was so stressed that I just decided to do it, but I couldn’t do it unless…”

“Unless what, Doll?”

That fucking name.

You don’t know if it was from his deep voice. Or from his demanding tone. Or his hand squeezing at the pulse point of your neck, but you whimpered. The smallest and most delicate sound that couldn’t have even been recognized by a high-definition microphone. But Harry heard it, and it made him go absolutely berserk.

“Unless I thought of you.”

“Fuck, Y/N. I’ve corrupted you, huh?” he squeezes your neck again reassuringly as you mewl in his grasp, a little less ashamed than before. “Well, you came all this way…”

“Please, Harry,” You delicately begged, trying not to sound as desperate as you were. Because, fuck, were you desperate. With every simple, warm caress of his hand on your neck you thought you were going to suffocate from holding your breath.

“Take off your shorts.” It was an easy command to follow. Harry’s assertive tone sent chills down your spine and a fiery tingle in the pit of your stomach. The same type of tingle you felt whenever you thought about the bathroom incident. But you were never able to dull the flame alone.

Maybe you weren’t supposed to.

Without another word, Harry’s hand snakes down to your waist joined by his other one as he lifts you up and onto his lap. Your lungs deflate, releasing a shaky breath full of your anticipation. Your legs were on either side of his, spreading you open just enough to feel yourself leak into your panties. Resting your hands on his shoulders, you wait for him to tell you what to do.

“Show me what y’got,” his reassuring hand slips from your waist and rests on the arm of the couch. Your expression falls in disappointment.

“What? I thought you were helping me!”

“This is helping you. I have to see what y’did wrong so I can help you fix it. There’s a method to my madness, love.”

“Yeah, yeah,” You rolled your eyes. He’s said that line growing up too many times to count. You used to tell him to shut up every time, but now you’re just immune to his cheekiness. The context was very different now, and that line may never be the same.

“Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me. Do y’want my help or not?”

“Okay, okay!” You assured, your cunt still throbbing against the cotton of your underwear. You swallowed once the playfulness died down, silence surrounding you both. The only thing left was for you to start, which you found extremely embarrassing. “So I just…”

“Do exactly what you did. Walk me through it.”

You took a deep breath before discarding your shirt. You tried not to think about how Harry was looking directly at your body now without the reflection of a mirror. He didn’t hide the way his gaze lingered on specific parts, almost as if he was memorizing each little detail. If you weren’t so hyper focused on remembering what you did and what he told you, you would find it somewhat endearing (and embarrassing).

With trembling hands, you threw off your shirt to tweak at your peaked nipples, just like you had done yesterday. They felt raw and sore between your fingertips. With each twist came a small aftershock of pain, but you only continued to roll the bud. You kind of liked how it hurt a little…

While one hand focused on your breasts, the other began to slide down between your legs. After passing your torso, your fingers slipped underneath the band of your underwear. The pads make contact with your aching clit, just like before, but it was different. When you did it alone, it felt stressful and rushed. But right now, it feels more electrifying and dizzying than before.

Maybe it was because Harry was here and that he was watching you like a hawk. His mere presence was alluring and intensified every touch. His eyes were trained on your every movement, analyzing and critiquing you with those thorn-like pupils. You wanted to know what he was thinking, but you were starting to get too caught up in your own pleasure to care.

“Oh, f-fuck,” You sighed and rocked your hips subconsciously over Harry’s thighs. He sharply inhales, but you don’t register the sound because you’re too busy making your own. You didn’t notice Harry’s growing bulge, merely a few inches away from your dripping cunt.

Your eyelids start to tighten, screwing shut as your thighs quiver. That familiar rush was approaching you fast, and just when you thought it couldn’t come any faster, Harry finally does something. He speaks.

“Almost there already? You are desperate, aren’t you, Doll?” Harry’s tone could pass as pitiful or even taunting as his hand creeps towards your pivoting waist. But the raspy deepness of it is what sends you over the edge. Your fingers squeeze your nipple while your fingers circle your pulsating clit. All of your movements stop as your body overloads, coming down from the much-needed orgasm. Your hand slaps onto his broad shoulder for support as you quietly chant his name with a squirm of your hips. “All the way. There y’go, angel.”

With some labored breathing, you finally peel your eyes open to a smirking Harry. Your skin flushed in sudden embarrassment, realizing your position. You immediately think to move off of him, especially after just coming in your panties, but his hand on your hip keeps a firm grip.

“We’re not done yet. You haven’t even heard my thoughts.”

“…What are your thoughts?” You were a little intimated, which is something you never thought you’d be by your best friend.

You had some thoughts and feelings of your own. Yes, this orgasm was better than the one you did alone. But it was nowhere near as satisfying as the one Harry did for you. Why was that? It internally frustrated you that Harry was so good at what he did, but a small—smidge little speck—of you was proud that your best friend was good in bed. Well, you don’t know about all aspects, but you could assume.

You should not be thinking about that!

And maybe another tiny part of you was glad to be one of the people experiencing his euphoria.

“I thought it was pretty good. Pretty good for your what? Third time? Well, second by yourself. Could use some work,” Harry tried to be as nonchalant as possible. His cock was raging in his shorts, just begging to be let out for some relief. He’s not going to lie and say he hasn’t thought about his best friend in a sexual way since their sexual intercounter because he totally has.

What he hasn’t done is jerk off to you. He refuses to stoop that low because in a way, that made him feel dirty, like he was using you somehow. When he came home from work the day after everything, he had to call up one of the numbers in his phone to help settle his little problem. Okay, yes, that might seem hypocritical, but he doesn’t care about jerking off to random people or using his friendly benefits to get off quickly. That’s exactly what they were for. You, on the other hand, were not for that purpose. You are his best friend who just needs a little… guidance in the sexual field. And luckily, Harry has a lot of experience that he is (for some reason) very willing to share.

You were just about to roll your eyes when Harry’s grip tightened even more as a warning. He just knew you too well.

“I want to try something. Willin’ to try something new?” You felt the pacing of your already quick heart accelerate. Your eyes were wide and full of wonder, innocence draped over you like a bedsheet.

“Yeah. That’s the point of this, right?” Your voice sounded a little hesitant, similar to the way Harry blinked. You swallowed your anxiousness down as Harry nodded.

His hands guide your hips over onto his lap. You instantly get flashbacks from last week, his warm hands stilling your hips and rubbing gentle circles on your burning skin. But this time, he adjusts you so you’re sitting on one of his thighs. Your panties were directly on his athletic shorts and it was comfortable, but you had an urge to be closer. You needed skin to skin contact.

Was that too much? Too far?

“Actually,” As if he could read your mind, “I’m going to pull these up, okay?”

With a nod, he tugs his shorts up, revealing his large tiger tattoo. You nearly forgot he had it. As your eyes fixate on the impressive ink, you find yourself becoming a little dizzy with lust. Not only was the tattoo cool but the placement almost had you fainting. You watched his thigh muscles contract when he shifted his hips, the tiger pulsing and looking like a great seat.

Harry was going to—no did—ruin you…

Next, he pulled you forward, nearly causing you to collapse on him. Now, your covered center is directly on his bare thigh, lightly pressing against his thickness.

“Y’real warm, Doll,” Harry observes, hands subconsciously slotting their way onto that soft spot of your hips. You felt as though they belonged there now. Your skin blushed, heat bubbling inside of you at his comment. You couldn’t help but feel shy with his eyes gazing at your every move. Legs wanting to close, you force yourself to keep them open around his waist. Just like he taught you.

“What do I do now?” You didn't really know what to do with your hands and it was evident. Harry saw this, however, and threw your lonesome hands over his shoulders. His action caused you to lean closer towards him, faces merely a few inches apart. You swallowed, but your throat was dry, and your heart was running a mile in record time. You could feel every breath fall onto your face because you were in such close proximity. You wanted to kiss him badly. It was strange because you’ve never felt such a pull towards him.

“I want you to use me.”

“What?” You blinked.

“Use me. Move your hips on m’thigh until it feels really good.”

“I…I don’t know how,” You admitted, fingers trembling within each other behind his neck. A soft, reassuring smile rests upon his lips, and before he even said anything, you already felt a little better.

“Just move first and I’ll help you as you go. Do you remember what to say if you want to stop?” he asked with gentleness as his hand curled on your hip, kneading it with care. You nodded, but that wasn’t enough. He pinned you with a knowing look.

“Stop is red, yellow is slow down, and green is good.”

“You remembered. Good girl,” The two simple words made you flutter inside and out. But they also motivated you to strive and really be a good girl for him.

You released your interlocked fingers from behind his neck and bared his shoulders. You took a deep, quivering breath before beginning to move over his thigh. It was an awkward motion; circling your panties along his naked thigh while he just took it. At first, it didn’t feel all too pleasurable. The idea of it all seemed great, but you just couldn’t get into it. A small part of you was saddened because Harry had seemed excited.

Had you let him down?

But just before you stopped to complain and whine about it, Harry’s grip on your hip tightened and pulled you forward. Your heart jumped at the action, feeling immense intensity in the proximity. With the slight lean forward, your clit was pressing directly on his thigh creating a perfect friction from your cotton panties.

“O-Oh,” You breathily moaned, finally feeling that strike of pleasure you’ve been waiting for. As your eyes begin to close, Harry never seems to remove his from you, analyzing every speck of your body like you’ll perish any second. His hand remains rigid and still on your hip, forcing you forward so your clit is constantly stimulated.

“Yeah? That feel better?” he asks in that familiar, deep husk that rumbles through your body.

“Yes, H,” Your head leaned on his shoulder, thighs beginning to burn with fatigue. It’s barely been a few minutes yet you were already feeling your leg muscles giving out.

“C’mon, Doll. Don’t give up now.”

“I’m trying,” You whined, picking your head up and pouting at him with a small pant. He stares at your puckered lip and dares to kiss it. Would it be crossing a boundary? All he wants to do is suck on all your words until you have none left and leave a few marks in the process. Is that so hard to want?

“Try harder.”

Harry thrusts his thigh up into you, causing you to gasp in bliss. It was an overwhelming and shocking feeling; a single, hefty dose of pressure right into your clit and cunt. Harry could feel your prominent heat burning through your underwear and searing through his skin. He wanted to rid you of your clothes and ravage you, but you weren’t there yet. He doesn’t know if you’ll ever get there with him, but recently, he’s been dying to get there. The thought has never even wandered his mind before, but now that it is, he can’t seem to get it out. It’s as if you’re trapped in his mind and sex is the only key.

That sounds a lot worse than he thought.

“Oh my God,” Your whimpers flow straight into his ears, playing mind games with him. His cock has been puffing up in his shorts, but he’s not even trying to hide it anymore. There’s no way you’re oblivious to the things you do to him—at least physically.

Harry continues to ram his thigh up, encouraging you to move around. When he feels your body seriously about to give up, he holds you still and forces you to stop.

“Color?”

“Green, but I’m tired.”

“Do y’want to stop?”

“No, Harry, please, just—I really need you to do something. Anything. I’m close,” Your desperate pleads are impossible to reject. With your doe eyes and pouty lip, he doesn’t even hesitate to make all your pain go away.

“Need it that bad?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, Doll. Just stay still,” You obey him with a grateful nod as his thigh begins to rock up into you again. It was so much more euphoric this way—having him move while you just feel. Maybe it was a little selfish, but wasn’t that one of the perks of him teaching you? You just got to feel and learn your body.

You hadn’t thought about that part a lot. This entire ordeal was you learning more about yourself. For years you have deprived yourself and avoided all sexual activity for no other reason than fear. Fear of judgment, fear of awkwardness, fear of trust, fear of vulnerability—sex was a huge thing for you. Now, you’re doing things you never could have imagined yourself doing, and you’re doing them with the last person you’d expect; your best friend. But in the strangest and most bizarre way, you couldn’t see your firsts being held by anyone other than Harry. Would you tell him that? Probably not. That might be taken a different way than you mean, and then drama would ensue and that’s not at all what you want.

But what did you mean by it?

“Are y’close? I can feel you clenching on me,” his voice rasps near your ear, sending a shudder throughout your body. You hum a high-pitched sound, seemingly pleasing him. “‘About to come in y’panties? Never thought you’d do that, huh?”

“Mhm,” You hummed again, this time biting your lip as your stomach churned in pleasure. “Touch me, God, please.”

“Are you saying I’m God? ‘Cause that is a great compliment—”

“You’re such an—” he places his lips on your neck, suckling on the spongy part under your ear. You shiver, shutting up immediately. Every word and thought has left you completely, fizzling into the nonexistent. You don’t know if he put his lips on your neck like this last time, but it made you putty on top of him. “Why does that f-feel so good? Please, Harry, I’m right there.”

“‘Cause I’m doing it. Little baby just needed help s’all. That’s right, huh? Say it. Say you needed my help, baby.” Why his words make you feel the way you feel will forever be an unsolved phenomenon to you. There’s a juxtaposition between pain and pleasure and degradation and praise. When he puts you down, he makes sure to pick you right up again, and it might seem toxic, but it was just Harry, and you knew deep down it was all an act. And you liked that.

“I-I needed you, Harry,” A whine fell from your lips, tearing through your throat.

You liked that none of it was deeply serious and you could be what you wanted without the fear of judgment, fear of awkwardness, fear of trust, fear of vulnerability—everything you needed for comfort was there. It was here with Harry. It might all be some type of act, but it felt real. Realer than any other relationship you’ve had.

“C’mon me, Doll.”

You felt his warm hand travel from one hip to your torso. Just the mere feeling of his presence getting lower towards your center sent you over the edge. It was quite embarrassing how his simple touch was all you needed to be folded and whipped, but you couldn’t help it. You were so sensitive as a beginner and, on top of it all, so needy and greedy for it. Harry adored that though.

Your orgasm soaked through your cotton panties, while some of the residue landed on Harry’s thigh. An ever-growing smirk was plastered on his face as your heated face finally reentered reality. You quietly gasped when your awareness finally slipped through the orgasmic fog, realizing the mess you made.

“Look at tha’, Doll. Was that better for you? More satisfying?”

“Yes. Thank you, Harry,” You answered wearily, suddenly being slapped with post-orgasm fatigue. The lingering burn in your muscles told you that you were going to be sore tomorrow, but you were too blissed-out to care.

“Don’t be so formal. S’weird,” You rolled your eyes at him. Again, he’s great at ruining a sweet moment. Sexual Harry versus friend Harry were two different people, but you appreciated both. It was just the sharp switches he makes between transitions that makes your head spin with confusion. Harry, your friend, was loud and cocky with a mixture of kindness. Harry, your sexual teacher, was demanding and precise with a mixture of softness. Both comforted you in a way that you hoped you would find in a partner one day; he was the perfect example.

Recognizing him this way really put things in perspective for you–Harry really was teaching what you wanted. And like he said before, maybe you didn’t need to worry about a husband right now. You should be focusing on what you want and that might take some experimenting. Training with Harry was preparing you for that experiment phase. That’s exactly it.

When you take a breath, you’re reminded of how compressed you are to him. You’re comfortable and cozy when you’re this close, and it just felt right. You don’t remember if you’ve always felt like this, but it would make sense if you have. He’s your best friend, of course.

But of course, the moment ends way too soon, and Harry is lifting you off of his lap. He places you beside him on the couch before standing up.

“I’ll go start you a bath and get you some clothes,” Harry leaves for the bathroom, the opposite of last time. Based on the last two times, to you it seems like he leaves too quickly. You never get to fully absorb the aftermath and internalize its meaning. But maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe Harry knows that if he allowed you the time, you would overthink until you self-destructed and eventually never speak to him again.

You don’t think you could ever do that.

So, like anything you’ve ever done, you’re left alone to analyze the situation. You were aided when you were desperate and Harry was able to mend that ache. But what did that do for him? What was Harry getting out of this arrangement? Was it even an arrangement or just best friends who occasionally do sexual things? Was he doing all of this for you just because he wanted to show you the ropes?

You’re still well-aware of your lack of reciprocation. Out of the two times he’s helped you out, you haven’t been returning the favor. There is this unspoken understanding that everything is about you and that Harry wouldn’t involve himself because what would that teach you? Without him saying anything, you know that Harry doesn’t want you to think that he’s using you for his own pleasure. But at this point in your friendship, you know he wouldn’t do such a thing. Besides, if he needed to have sex that critically, he could just call someone, right? It’s easy to “get some” when you’ve already had it.

Your point being, why haven’t you offered to return the favor? If you did, maybe Harry could give you some pointers and tell you what to do, just like all of the other times. Not only would you know what feels right and pleasurable, but you’d know how to make your partner feel just as positive. Plus, he would be getting pleasure out of it, too. That sounds like a win-win in your book, and probably in Harry’s. But would that be crossing the unspoken boundaries of your friendship? You’ve already traversed through enough together, but how far was too far? Was he basing the limits off of you?

If so, he won’t mind one more session, right?

—

thank you all so much for being patient with me 🩷 i hope this suffices you! part 3

taglist: @pishhhh20989 @harrysslut7 @kathb59 @chronicallybubbly @clarap23 @mrsstylesss @bisexual-desi @littlenatilda @crybabyddl @tiaamberxx @alwaysclassyeagle

crossed out= not able to tag

[anonymousbeefriendfanfics]

Dating Lyney

Day #1 of writing for my beloved in an attempt to coerce him into showing up early. Come home, my little magician, I need you!

Please feel free to send me requests for what you want to see next!

Fandom: Genshin Impact Character: Lyney Warnings: Fluff, magic. Some mild spoilers for the Fontaine archon quest. Note: Some people consider Lyney to be a minor, so keep in mind that he's 18+ in this, even though there's no NSFW.

So you wanna date the rizzler huh? You'd better be prepared, because he's the world's biggest flirt. It literally never stops, no matter if you've been together five weeks or five years. He's always going to have something suave to say, always going to keep surprising you with little magic tricks. It's just how he is, especially when he's passionate about something - or someone. You'd best be ready to hear him say he loves you twenty times a day, and you'd better say it back, too, or else he'll get that adorable pout on his face and hit you with the puppy dog eyes. Sometimes you wonder if the man has a serious bone in his entire body or if Lynette inherited them all, but you know him better than that.

Lyney is such a gentleman. He's ridiculously charismatic, but he's also so, so sweet. He'll do anything and everything for you. He pulls out chairs for you, holds your hand while walking - you'll definitely have to stop him from draping his cape across puddles for you like they do in the movies. It's a little cheesy, sure, but it's so endearing with that sweet, lovesick smile on his face, and you can't help but love him more for it.

He's a very observant person. It just comes with the territory. He's trained himself to pick up on the subtlest little details, and while this primarily applies to magic and his work, but it also applies very heavily to you. He notices everything about you, from what you order at restaurants you go to on dates to what color clothing you prefer to wear to the way your tone and expression naturally shift as you talk about different topics. He memorizes you, so much so that he'll surprise you with things you've mentioned once in his presence, or perhaps not at all - he's quite good at putting pieces together and figuring out things behind the scenes, after all. You once asked him if he had the ability to read your mind after he pulled a slice of your favorite cake out of his hat, and he merely laughed and replied, "a magician never reveals his secrets, my dear~"

Speaking of which, his laugh is one of your favorite sounds in the whole world. The little chuckles and laughs peppered throughout his speech are lovely, of course, but you know they're mostly part of the show he plays for the audience. Your true favorite is the way he laughs when you're alone with him, when you say or do something funny or catch him off guard. There's something so magical about it, like you're getting a private glimpse of his beautiful soul. One of your favorite memories is when you got him to laugh so hard he could barely breathe, a genuine smile stretched across his face and a delightful sparkle in his eyes.

During the early part of your relationship, he's very guarded and secretive, despite his open and outgoing persona. Depending on your thoughts about the organization, he might attempt to hide being a Fatuus from you, just because he's terrified of your reaction. He puts a lot of effort into appearing absolutely perfect, because he believes you deserve nothing less than perfection. Even if he is honest about his work, he holds back his innermost feelings and desires for quite some time, continuing to play the part that is required of him. He cares dearly about you, and he's not about to let you go because of a careless misstep on his part.

It takes him some time before he learns to be vulnerable with you. He's so convinced that he always has to be perfect, that he has to be strong for his siblings and for you, and he doesn't allow himself to show any of the negative emotions that haunt him day after day. Slowly but surely, however, you will break that wall down - brick by brick, if you must. He begins to lower his guard when you are alone, to let the mask slip and show his true feelings, even if they aren't glamorous, even if he hates them. Once he trusts you enough to show you the truth that he hides from even his siblings, your relationship grows even closer.

Writing Masterlist 🐝 Requests Open! Tag List 🐝 @mossmosis

[milaisreading]

🌱🩷: So here is one of the first stories I promised to write for my birthday... week? Idk, these are more of a treat for myself 😋 hope u like it!

Warnings: Reader uses a mix of she/her and he/him, since she is crossdressing. Requests are open! It's a yandere story, so be warned. If u don't like yandere stories, please skip this one

⚽️Blue lock belongs to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚽️

"Hm? What's up with those two?" Hiori's eyes widened in disbelief as he looked at the scene unfolding in front of him. Yukimiya, who was sitting right next to him cleaned his glasses and put them on again, inspecting the two Bastard players in equal shock.

"Did I go completely insane?"

"No, you didn't. Or, all 4 of us went insane along with you." Isagi gulped, his grip around his chopsticks tightening.

"Since when is (Y/n) so friendly with that German guy?" Kurona gulped as the four watched (Y/n) and Gesner laugh over God knows what. They were both speaking in English and were a little bit away from them, so they couldn't quite understand what was so funny.

'Why are you so comfortable with him?! I am literally here!' Yukimiya thought as he fixed his glasses, trying to distract himself. Hiori had a smile and empty look in his eyes as he watched Gesner ruffle (Y/n)'s hair.

'Don't touch him with your dirty hands. Get away. Get away.'Kurona felt a unfamiliar rage take over him, but tried to keep himself calm. He can't lose his cool now.

'Why him? Please get away from him!' Isagi screamed on the inside.

As the 4 kept having their inner turmoil, (Y/n) was obliviously talking with Gesner.

"Thanks for those German lessons, they really helped me when communicating with the rest when we didn't have those translators."

"Nothing to thank me for. So, same thing tonight?" Gesner raised an eyebrow as she nodded her head.

"Sure. Now that NEL is finally over we have a lot more time to study." (Y/n) agreed as Gesner hummed.

"So, will you be picking Bastard as your team or Re Al? Just curious since you are invested in learning the language."

"I still didn't decide. But, knowing basics in a language is a good thing regardless." She answered as Gesner nodded in understanding.

The next day...

Now, Kunigami wasn't someone who felt jealousy often, after the whole Wild card thing he doubted he could feel anything. He was just tired, but surprisingly enough (Y/n) was not turned off by his new attitude. Kunigami was surprised, but a part of him felt happy that someone wanted to be around him, despite his more moody attitude. He, liked it. Along the way, he ended up developing feelings for the other player, and would always be nearby to help her with things or pull her away when Kaiser or Ness were annoying her. Of course, Kunigami never expected (Y/n) to fall for him, but he thought as long as she was his friend, he would be happy. But, today he was proven wrong with the way he viewed things.

'Why is that bastard so casually talking to him?!' Kunigami clenched his fists as he watched Gesner pinch (Y/n)'s cheek while saying something to her. Although he couldn't understand what it was the German was saying, the blush (Y/n) had on her face was enough to piss him off and set him into action. Kunigami quickly walked over to them and grabbed Gesner's wrist, pulling his hand away from (Y/n)'s face.

"Huh? Kunigami?" The girl blinked, but the boy spared her no attention as he kept on glaring at the confused German.

"Piss off."

'Scary!' She shivered and tried to separate the two while speaking.

"He wasn't hurting me, Kunigami. He just gave me back the pillow I forgot last night." Just as she said that, she immediately regretted it, as the look Kunigami gave her was full of anger, confusion, and sadness.

'Why was he sad?' (Y/n) thought as Kunigami cleared his throat.

"Can you let go, man?" Gesner said agitated as he tried to pull his hand away.

"What do you mean by last night?"

"I spent the night with Gesner in the monitor room and forgot it there."

'You... why him?!' Kunigami gulped, looking at (Y/n) in horror as he let go of Gesner's hand.

'Did... did I say something wrong?' She thought as she watched the whole ordeal.

Later that day...

Gagamaru was someone who could be perceived as different than the rest, not weird, just different. He was more of a guy who enjoyed nature, fighting with bears, and eating everything with his hands, even if they left messes afterwards. Gagamaru was aware he received weird looks, but one of the people he could count on to not perceive him weirdly was (Y/n). He always looked at her as a reliable captain, a talented player, and a great friend. Whenever he had issues or wanted someone to talk to, he knew (Y/n) would be there. And she was, and Gagamaru was always greatful for that. Along the way, Gagamaru ended up catching weird feelings, nervousness, happiness, anxiety whenever he was near her. It took him a while to understand he fell in love, to the point that he tried to keep her attention on him all the time.

'I wonder where he is...' Gagamaru sighed as he looked around the hallway. He really needed to talk to her, but the girl was nowhere to be found. Not in her room, not in the dining hall, not even in the monitor room!

Just as he was about to give up, he heard voices from down the hallway.

'(Y/n)...' The goalkeeper excitedly looked in her direction, only for the smile to drop when he saw Gesner next to her. They were way too close for his liking.

'Since when are they on talking terms?' The boy thought, weirded out by this.

"Hm? Gagamaru? Why aren't you asleep? It's pretty late." (Y/n) stopped conversing with Gesner and looked at Gagamaru in worry as they reached him. The goalkeeper stopped for a moment, then finally spoke up as he eyed Gesner weirdly.

"I... I couldn't sleep. So I took a walk. Why... why aren't you asleep?"

'And why are you with him so late?' Gagamaru wanted to add in, but stopped himself.

"I was telling Gesner what we can visit in Tokyo. Since we will have a few days off, he wanted to see some places before going to Germany." Gagamaru's eyes widened for a second, a unfamiliar pain hitting him when he looked between the two. (Y/n) having her usual smile while Gesner looked bored and confused due to him not having the translators.

"But..."

"Hm?"

"It's.... It's nothing." Gagamaru bit back his tongue as (Y/n) tried to question him again, but he completely blocked her out.

'Why him? We are your team! Not him!'

Gagamaru waisted no time to run to Isagi's room after (Y/n) and Gesner left. If there was one person who knew the midfielder well, it was Isagi. They needed to stop whatever was going on. But, to Gagamaru's surprise when he entered the room, he already saw Isagi and the other three deep in their own thoughts while Kunigami looked stressed.

"Isagi! We have an issue!"

The boy jumped up in his spot, then turned to look at the panicked goalkeeper.

"What happened?"

"Gesner... Him and (Y/n) plan on going together to Tokyo... Just the two of them."

Isagi quickly turned to look at Gagamaru, the speed made Gagamaru worry that he broke his neck for a moment.

"You... you are joking, right? (Y/n) wouldn't... Gesner and him-"

"Hiori, please don't say it put loud like that. God abandoned us today." Yukimiya sobbed and fell on his knees as Kurona looked at a pale Kunigami.

"What do we do? What do we do?"

Kunigami kept quiet as the boy kept on tugging on his sleeve, but he couldn't answer anything. The only answer he saw fit was bash Gesner's head into the wall for corrupting their captain, but that wouldn't be appropriate. (Y/n) would hate him of he did that.

"We need to call in the rest. It's an emergency meeting."

The players looked over at Isagi, who looked both annoyed and panicked.

Later...

Now that NEL was over, the other players were free to roam around without having to answer to the coaches. The BM players were more than greatful for that, even if the room was crowded for now. They had to think of a way to keep Gesenr away permanently. They seriously needed to do something about this development.

"Why are we here? I wanted to sleep." Otoya yawned, looking as annoyed as Rin did.

"Yeah, and why are we cramped up in this room?"

"Why are there clothes on the floor?" Barou looked at the discarded pants near one of the beds as Hiori facepalmed.

"That's not important now, Barou-"

"If the maid is so annoyed with it, he should clean it up. But for real, why did you call us here?" Chigiri questioned, ignoring Barou's annoyed yell.

"Calm down you both." Kunigami commented, looking for once worried.

"Huh? Kunigami, what happened to you? You are not moody anymore?" Bachira raised an eyebrow as Reo looked at the former hero in confusion as well.

"Yeah. Must be pretty serious if even you are invested in this. And why isn't (Y/n) here?"

"That's the thing. This is about him-"

"Damn, your beds are so much softer than ours. Can I sleep here instead?" Kurona held himself back as he got interrupted by Nagi, and he was about to say something but Isagi quickly stepped in.

"Please, this is serious. (Y/n)-"

"Couldn't it have waited after my nighttime routine? And you could have at least invited (Y/n) over to make the trip over here worth it." Aryu said, looking in annoyance at the 6 Bastard players while combing his hair.

"Can you let us finish speaking? This is about (Y/n)!" Gagamaru yelled, finally fed up with everyone's yelling and interrupting. The Blue lock team stopped dead in their tracks and looked at the 6.

"What do you mean about that? What happened? Is he sick?" Niko was the first one to speak up, followed by Tokimitsu who looked composed and calm for once.

"Is there something we need to know? Just tell us."

"I swear I will skin you all alive if you let him get hurt-"

"Calm down, king. This one isn't even our fault. Can you let us finish?" Yukimiya glared at the red-eyed boy as Karasu chimed in.

"Let's all calm down and let them finish. This isn't helping anyone." Although the crow boy said it calmly, they all could see he wasn't calm, at all.

"Thank you, as we said (Y/n) is the one we called you all over for." Hiori started, but stopped as he looked at Isagi for some support.

"He... well, Gagamaru saw him earlier and it looks like him and a German player are having a.... a date." Isagi cringed at the word and so did the others, who then looked back at the rest of the team. The reactions were a mix of everything. Otoya and Karasu looked stunned at each other and then back at Isagi, their expressions clearly giving away that they didn't believe them. Others like Bachira and Niko shrieked at the news and immediately jumped on Isagi, shaking the boy to repeat what he said, which caused Yukimiya and Kurona to step in and pull them away from him.

"You... you guys have to be joking. There is no way (Y/n) would date that guy... He isn't his type. Right, Reo?" Nagi said nervously as he quickly sat up on the bed, looking from Kunigami to Reo.

"That's right, I know him. He likes soft spoken people more. I am sure you misunderstood-"

"He told me that himself. You think I would make up such a horror scenario because I have nothing better to do?" Gagamaru interjected, causing Reo to shut his mouth, eyes widening in fear.

"This can't be... He wouldn't leave me like that...." The heir murmured as he slowly sat down on the bed. Chigiri and Aryu decided to approach this more rationally, there was no way they lost to that blonde guy.

"There must be something else behind it. Why would he pick some guy he just met when he has us?" Chigiri tried to stay calm as he nervously smiled at Hiori.

"You guys must be joking-" Aryu started but Kunigami interrupted him.

"We are not. And, I do find it believable after what I found out."

"Which is? What did you find out?" Tokimitsu spoke up as an eerie calmness took over the room.

"Him and Gesner spent the night together in the monitoring room. (Y/n) told me so himself." Kunigami finally said, looking as disgusted as he did when her told Isagi and his friends earlier. Yukimiya looked at everyone, as expected, none of them looked well, faces pale and looking at them like they were ghosts. He bit his lips and quickly sprung into action along with Kunigami as they heard Barou and Rin scream.

"That nobody, lukewarm player! I will kill him for trying to take him away from me!"

"Not if I do that first. I will make his death as painful as possible."

Yukimiya and Kunigami quickly ran over to them to hold them back from leaving as Hiori yelled at them, looking at Karasu's calm demeanor suspiciously.

"Wait! We need to watch our next actions. If (Y/n) finds out we even had this meeting, we are done for!"

"Are you stupid?! I am not letting some no-name player take him from me!" Rin glared back at Hiori.

"This is all your fault, Isagi! You should have watched over him!" Barou yelled at the blue-eyed boy, who tried to keep his cool after the whole room went into a panic mode.

"I will break that Gesner guy's bones." Karasu declared as he cracked his knuckles, earning a nod from Otoya.

"I will join you there. Leave some for me."

"Hey! I am in this picture as well. I want to see him suffer as well!" Bachira said in a happy demeanor, so happy that it was creepy.

"I want blood, a lot of it. There is no way I will let him go unpunished for trying to take (Y/n) away." Chigiri cleared his throat.

"Is murder legal, Reo? Please tell me it is." Nagi said as he tugged on the boy's sleeve.

"I will bail you out of jail regardless if it is or isn't."

"I just want (Y/n). Where is he?" Niko asked as he held back a few sobs while Aryu glanced back at Gagamaru.

"Where is his room? I know we can talk him out of this."

"So you don't want that Gesner guy to pay?" Tokimitsu wondered as Aryu raised an eyebrow.

"I never said that."

Isagi looked at the whole chaos in front of him as an idea popped into his head. He knew exactly what they can do! Gesner was just one, while the rest of them were a team. Sure, they might not get along, but the do agree on one thing. (Y/n) was meant for the Blue Lock team, and the Blue Lock team only. And the common enemy will make it a lot easier for all of them to get along.

"I have an idea! For that though, we all have to work together. If we want (Y/n) to just focus on us, that is."

The whole room stopped and looked over at Isagi, who had that same expression he would wear when he finally figured out where he could score the next goal.

"Go on." Rin demanded as the rest kept quiet.

2 days later...

(Y/n) was standing near the Shibuya station, waiting for Gesner for the past 30 minutes. The girl was a little worried, and she would have rather picked him up from the facility than let him come here alone, but her parents were insisting on her coming home because of some family meeting.

'It was absolutely worthless, anyway. Where is he even? Did he get lost?' She thought in a worried manner as she dialed his number again, only for it to go to voice-mail immediately.

"How annoying..." She muttered while fixing up her mask, deciding to scroll through her phone while observing some of the people that were passing by.

'The girls are so lucky they can wear those cute dresses... Meanwhile, I am stuck with a boring shirt and pants.' (Y/n) pouted and looked down at her clothes.

"(Y/n)!" The girl's eyes widened in surprise as she heard three familiar voices yells her name while she got tackled to the ground. The passerbys looked at the group in surprise and whispered as they slowly started recognizing the players. But, Bachira, Kurona and Niko paid them no mind as they looked down at the girl.

"Guys, what are you doing here? And, can you get off of me?" (Y/n) asked calmly as the trio agreed and got off her and then helped her up.

"We were roaming around the place and saw you. Why are you here alone?" Niko explained in an innocent manner, trying not to give away that all three of them knew the answers already.

"Yeah, it's kind of weird to be standing alone here of all places." Bachira giggled.

"You are the one to talk." Kurona said in a more defensive manner as he stood in front of (Y/n), to which the girl chuckled a little.

"It's ok, and I was just waiting for Gesner to arrive. He is pretty late and won't answer any calls." She said in a worried tone, but neither of the boys paid it any mind.

'You don't need him.'

'We are all you need.'

'So stop thinking of him, please.' The trio thought as Bachira cleared his throat.

"Well, if he is leaving you stranded like this, Isagi, Chigiri, Otoya, Yikimiya, and Aryu are outside waiting for us. Join us instead."

"I can't just leave him with no warning, Bachira. That's rude." (Y/n) scolded the boy a little.

"And where is the rest? They didn't want to come?"

"No, they did. They are just looking around some malls and will join us as well." Niko quickly added in as Kurona nodded along. But, before (Y/n) could say anything her phone went off. A message! She quickly looked at the sender, relieved it was Gesner who sent it to her. The trio watched her expression slowly drop, and they felt guilty for assisting in making her upset, but that slowly faded as they remembered they could lose her otherwise.

'Sorry,(Y/n). This was necessary...' Kurona gulped.

"Huh..."

"Everything ok?" Niko asked obliviously as (Y/n) looked up at him.

"Gesner said he won't be able to come. Noa-san called them in for a last minute meeting..."

"That's sad, but you can now join us instead. What do you say?" Bachira said, not even bothering to hide his excitement as (Y/n) sighed and put her phone away.

"I guess. You won't mind if I joined you out of the blue?"

"Absolutely not!" Niko smiledand grabbed one of ther arms while Bachira grabbed the other.

"Come on! We have so many fun activities planned!"

The two started pulling her towards the station's exit while Kurona was behind and pushing her.

"Hey! No need to do all that! I will follow you three." (Y/n) said I an amused manner, used to their demeanor.

'That's right. Just laugh around us.' Bachira thought as he slowly tightened his grip around her hand.

'Just pay attention to us.' Niko thought, glancing at the girl.

'We will keep you safe from outsiders. Like every teammate would.' Kurona mused to himself as they finally exited the station and saw their group of friends eagerly waiting for them.

"Yoo-hoo! We found (Y/n) on our way here!" Bachira yelled as the group smiled excitedly at the captain.

"We didn't expectvyou here. How was meeting up with your family again?" Isagi wondered.

"It was the usual. Nothing notable." (Y/n) shrugged as the three boys finally let go of her.

"Now that we have (Y/n) here, we should go and eat!" Otoya exclaimed as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Shouldn't we wait for the others?" (Y/n) raised an eyebrow as Yukimiya and Chigiri shook their heads.

"They are taking their time, and I am hungry as well."

"Yeah. The slow pokes will catch up to us, anyway."

"Let's go then." Aryu exclaimed as they finally started walking towards a local restaurant. The initial sadness (Y/n) was feeling slowly faded away, enjoying the company of her friends and teammates now.

'That's right. We are all you need. I am all you need.' Aryu thought as je watched (Y/n) laugh at something Yukimiya said.

'This is how it should be. Just him and us... and no outsiders.' Chigiri hummed.

'I wonder when they will arrive. Hopefully soon.' Isagi thought as he remembered the rest of his team that was missing.

'I wanted to bash his head into the wall in, but noo Karasu had to part us like this.' Otoya thought, still salty that he couldn't take part in the other group.

Meanwhile...

"This is quite a mess. It's a good thing barely anyone is here today." Tokimitsu thought as he looked at all the blood in the shower room. Karasu shrugged his shoulders as he pointed at Barou and Rin.

"Blame them. They went mayhem on Gesner."

"You guys really did the most on him. I can barely recognize his face." Hiori giggled, earning eyerolls from Rin and Barou.

"Of course I will when he tried to steal what's mine." Barou rolled his eyes as Rin sneered at Gesner's body.

"Ours, maid Barou, ours. We said we would share him." Nagi yawned as him and Reo cleaned their hands.

"Reo, for how long will the cameras be defect again?" Kunigami wondered as Gagamaru leaned against one of the walls, staring as Gesner's bloody form with a blank expression.

"You deserved this." The goalkeeper whispered, growing more and more irritated.

"We have still an hour left till the maintenance is done, they will reactivated then. Let's quickly change and leave while nobody is around." The heir smirked as Rin started walking towards the exit of the shower rooms.

'Finally. I have nothing to fear now. He won't leave me for a no name player.' Rin thought, finally letting out a sigh of relief.

"I really wish there was a cleaner way..." Barou groaned as he followed after the younger Itoshi.

"This was as clean as it could get. Now lets hurry up! I want to see (Y/n) again. I didn't see him yesterday or today." Hiori hummed with a smile.

"It was either this or nothing. Intimidating him wouldn't have worked." Kunigami shrugged.

"What's done is done. We just need to make sure (Y/n) doesn't find him like that. I don't  want him to be traumatized by some pest." Reo commented as Gagamaru nodded.

"I am sure someone will find him before he does, and if not, we will keep him away from the shower room."

"You better." Nagi side eyed as Karasu yawned.

"Do you all think they started eating without us?"

"Probably. (Y/n) loves food, so I am sure he is eating at least." Barou nodded his head at Tokimitsu's statement and spoke up again.

"Let's just hurry up now! I miss (Y/n)."

The rest nodded their heads and quickly changed their clothes and packed the dirty one away to get rid of it. After all, they can't have their captain see blood of a no name guy.

[genericpuff]

bit out of nowhere but LO Hades reminds me so much to Bojack Horseman idk how to explain it

Oh we've talked about this extensively in the ULO chat circles n such, especially when it comes to the most climactic scene in the show, the second interview:

The entire tone of the show showcases a very bitter reality with a lot of celebrities and people in power. There are some messed up things that happen throughout the course of the show, but they always feel like they're being used for comedy or brushed under the rug with comedy, because the show is, after all, a comedy. But I feel like that was the point, because it's not until the final season that everything that happened throughout finally catches up to Bojack, and suddenly... it's not funny anymore. There's no punchline. It really reflects just how much people in power don't see their abuse or wrongdoings as "big deals", sometimes they even see it as "just some funny thing that happened", all while the onlookers and victims of their behavior and abuse either become so acquainted with it they don't even see it as abuse anymore until they finally break away from it (Diana, Todd, Princess Caroline, etc.) OR they fight to be heard while the media tries to snuff them out. So then when the consequences finally catch up to them, there are no laughs to be heard, as much as the perpetrator in question may try their best to pass it off as "not a big deal" or believe they shouldn't be held accountable because "it happened a long time ago".

Anyone who sees Biscuits Braxby as the villain here is missing the overall point - Bojack has been responsible for literally ruining people's lives on several occasions, and has never been held accountable.

And yeah, I see a lot of that in LO as well, but the issue is the framing of the story isn't making it clear if it's actually going to have its "Come to Jesus" moment with Hades and Persephone, or if it's just gonna keep celebrating them as the heroes.

There were no consequences for Hades pulling out Alex's eye. They played the resolution out for comedy.

There were no consequences for Persephone turning Minthe into a mint plant. They played the scenario out for comedy literally by the end of the very same episode and then well into the next one.

There were no consequences for Persephone cornering Tori at his job. The entire thing was played up for comedy.

There were no consequences for Persephone raiding Leuce's home. She was rewarded with sex from Hades and it was, you guessed it, played up for comedy.

Just like with Bojack Horseman, we don't see Hades or Persephone treat these situations as seriously as they ought to. They ultimately don't care how other people feel or how they may be affected by their own actions, they only care about themselves. Just like with Bojack, we see Hades enter sexual relationships with women who are in a much weaker position than him, women who stand to lose far more than he would if the relationship went south.

(I need you all to realize that Hades is literally blackmailing her. He is trying to pay her off with a management position or some kind of severance and framing it in such a way to manipulate her into thinking it's 'better' for her that she take the deal, all for the sake of getting her out of the picture because he's with Persephone now. This is blackmail. And the narrative wants us to root for Hades here.)

Shit, I would argue Bojack is still a better character than Hades and Persephone because we 1.) see how the consequences of his actions do affect him on a deeper level (through his anxiety and self-hatred which he spends a long time wallowing in, making his situation worse, rather than seeking help for) and 2.) he actually does eventually start to seek help, but unfortunately there's only so much one person can do to fix themselves when their actions still haven't been brought to justice and their mindset hasn't truly changed; which is what we see in the final part of the show when, despite Bojack's attempts to be a better person, the Sarah-Lynn case catches up to him, and in his final moments up on that stage with Biscuits Braxby, we see his true nature come out - he thinks being an addict should absolve him from what he's done to others.

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Except replace "addict" with "traumatized" as many of Persephone and Hades' actions are swept under the rug with "they went through trauma so it's fine". Despite the fact that other characters who have also been through trauma aren't given that same grace (Thanatos, Demeter, Minthe, etc.)

You could also go a step further and call out how the fans themselves will defend their actions as "but they're gods!!! gods were terrible all the time in the myths!" but isn't it funny how myth accuracy only ever comes up when it comes to defending Hades and Persephone? Meanwhile you'll never see anyone bring it up when it comes to Apollo SA'ing Persephone, or Hades having an emotional affair with Persephone, or any of the other number of things that Rachel rewrote for her 'retelling'. It's not funny haha, it's funny yikes.

I can only imagine how the fans feel seeing Hades and Persephone called out must be similar to how first-time viewers like myself felt seeing Bojack be put on the cross by Biscuits Braxby - "you're being an asshole, he's working on himself!" "leave him alone!!!" "the media is making a monster out of him!" "he's really not THAT bad!"

But he is. They are. And unlike Bojack Horseman, I unfortunately can no longer have the good faith in believing Hades and Persephone will have their comeuppance, or the people they've hurt will get their retribution. I have no hope that Persephone will see that she's the Sarah-Lynn of the relationship, a girl who was groomed into an abuser at the hands of an abuser, who had no chance of doing better because the person she fell for pulled her down to his level. I don't have any faith in Rachel whatsoever that she'll manage to end this story with any message besides "it's fine for Persephone and Hades to be who they are, because they're rich and powerful and really horny for each other!"

And Hades doesn't think he has any power over women.

[missestokyo]

Walker Scobell x Gn!Reader

[Headcanon]

———————————————————————

Sumary: Being best friend with Walker Scobell

Warning: N/A

A/N: I putted Gn!Reader for the fact that I didn’t bring up any pronouns, so, yeah

Face time at random times, like, really random times, for literally. No. Reason.

“Hi.”

“Hi?”

Silence

“You ok?”

Makes fart noise with mouth and hang up

“Dude, what?”

This boy is funny, he’s aways trying to make you laugh, even more when you’re sad

Playing Fortnite together, you don’t like it? He’ll force you anyway (in a friendly way)

You also being friend with his sister and when you go to his house sometimes she steals you from him

(He gets a little jealous)

“Can I have my friend back?”

“No, we’re gossiping about you.”

His parents love you

He taking 0.5 pics of you

“Whatcha doing?”

“Taking pictures, duh.”

If you are part of the PJO cast you guys going to pass the breaks together, talking about the scenes or just chilling

If you aren’t, he’s going to call you so you guys can talk, sometimes he’s so excited that he accidentally tells a spoiler

And if you never read one book of Percy Jackson this boy will go crazy, he’ll make you read all the books, he’ll probably tell spoilers of the book

He’s sweet boy, but sometimes is a little annoying

[partycatty]

Right hear me out on the new johnny skin

Please can you write something for this ugly bitch the shock worn off and now im delusional

(Im sorry for asking for this he just looks so stupid i couldnt not)

I HATE YOU FOR REMINDING ME OF THIS ALLGAHJGIAKG

johnny cage > carrot

oh my god he looks like a carrot

warnings: look at him.

[ masterlist ]

you're sitting on johnny's couch, as it's become a regular occurrence for you to waste your time in his home. your phone becomes your best friend nearly every time, as his career of being a celebrity commonly rips his attention from you more than you're happy with. your bubbling frustration with the situation dies down when you hear his front door unlock.

"babe," he calls through the cracked door. his voice is high pitched, like he's hiding something and ashamed about it. "i-i need you to do me a favor."

"yeah?" you reply, eyes still transfixed on your phone for the moment.

"i lost a bet," he shamefully admits. "and i need you to not laugh. if you laugh, i will die."

"you'll die?" you repeat, now intrigued by whatever he's on about. he falls silent, the door barely opening more.

"baby," he tries to sound sweet but it sounds closer to him being on the verge of tears. "is it true... that thing... where like, you lose feelings if your man gets one bad haircut?"

oh, no.

"depends," you shrug, making your way to the door. "if you buzzed it, i won't be able to look at you until it grows back."

"i didn't... buzz it," he mutters. "it's... please don't laugh."

his dodging is starting to confuse and annoy you, so you walk over and pull the door completely open. the sight in front of you pulls a horrified gasp, which then turns into amusement like you've never seen. johnny's hair was gone on the sides, and a vomit-green wisp sat on top. johnny frowns with large eyes. it kind of reminds you of that really sad hamster meme. maybe if you focused enough you could imagine sad violin music at the scene.

"jo—" your attempt at saying his name comfortingly is ripped apart when a snort creeps up on you, and you slap a hand over your mouth. tears well up in your eyes as you fight for your life to not laugh.

"don't," he pleads, arms flopping to his sides. "don't laugh."

you let out a cackle through your hand, slapping another hand over it in a stupid attempt to hold it in.

"it's not funny—" in a while, you think, it wouldn't be. sure, he has the haircut, but you're the one looking at it regularly. "it's not funny."

"you're laughing. i will die."

"how in the genuine fuck did this come to be." your eyes feel like they're going to pop out of your skull from straining yourself so hard. johnny can't even look at you as he explains.

"kung lao and i made a bet that i could cut more fruit than him with his hat."

"you bet your appearance on a hat that's not yours."

"it didn't look that hard! it's a sharp hat!"

"okay, so how did the... haircut come to be??"

"he..." johnny rubs his face, groaning. "he had me walk into a barber and told the guy to fuck my shit up. he said that to the barber. oh my god i look like an idiot, don't i."

"you..." you search for something, anything to compliment him on. your eyes settle on his orange button-up and you stifle a snort. "you kind of look like a carrot."

johnny pulls his head up to meet your eyes. "what."

"it's... it's kinda cute," you murmur with the most strained grin of your life. you step forward and grab the entirety of the hair left on his head, tugging upward. "it's like... plucking you from the soil."

"ow. you're an asshole," he adds, not entirely serious. you try so hard to keep it together, so hard. but his furrowed brows, frown, and carrot-coordinated outfit finally make you snap. you double over in laughter, similar to a hyena. it is quite literally the funniest thing you'd ever seen in your entire life and you laugh so hard you lose your breath.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" johnny pouts, stomping his foot and crossing his arms while you howl and slap him around as you try to ground yourself. "I LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS."

"OH MY GOD I'M LOSING IT, I'M GONNA THROW UP— YOU LOOK LIKE A CARROT —"

"STOP SAYING THAT."

[jordanrosenburg]

After watching the “Quiet On Set” documentary, I can’t help but feel like there are literally no good people in the entertainment industry. Even the “good” ones aren’t good. It solidifies that we don’t actually know anything about them. We only know who they present as to the media. 

I think like most people around my age, we grew up watching Nickelodeon during its golden age. I always looked forward to watching “All That” not only because it was funny, but because it was something I could watch with my older siblings. It was something the four of us could laugh together about. My sister and I still laugh over the bit from “Keenan and Kel” where Kel admits to dropping the screw in the tuna. So many iconic characters and television shows were created at the hands of Dan Schneider. 

What else was created at the hands of Dan Schneider were countless acts of abuse, harassment, manipulation, and much more. His sets were homes to child sexual abusers. Adults who are around children each and every day, taking advantage of their trust and innocence, grooming them and harming them physically and mentally. 

It’s not easy for victims of abuse to speak up. Many aren’t believed. Reliving trauma is a horrific experience, so I commend each and every person who shared their story for this docuseries. There were previous cast members who aren’t as well known who got to share their truths, there were crew members sharing stories about Dan’s harassment and sexism on set. There were many crew members that felt uncomfortable about the scenes they were shooting, but no one spoke up. Dan had so much power at Nickelodeon because he kept churning out hit after hit after hit. The parents weren’t much better, but I’ll come back to that. 

The docuseries revealed three adult men who were caught for child pornography, and for sexually abusing children. One man’s name is Brian Peck. He groomed Drake Bell for years. Joe Bell, Drake’s father, did everything he could to keep Brian away from Drake because he knew something just wasn’t right with how Brian acted around his son. Brian eventually convinced Drake to fire his father as his manager, and let his mother take over. This gave Brian the room to drive Drake to and from auditions, take him to Disneyland with him and his friends, and more. Drake Bell revealed in the documentary that Brian Peck sexually assaulted and abused him for years. Since Drake was a minor when it started, his identity was kept secret.

During the trial, many people wrote letters for Brian Peck, attesting to his character: James Marden, Taran Killam, Alan Thicke, Thomas DeSano, Ron Melendez, Rider Strong, and Will Friedle. Some of these names are extremely surprising, and others aren't at all.

Joanna Kerns saying, "there must have been some extreme situation or temptation exerted on him to influence is actions" at the time, and is now saying "I have now learned that my letter of support was based on complete misinformation.

Knowing what I know now, I never would have written the letter". For me, it's not even about her writing the letter, it's about her blaming Drake Bell, the victim, and child in the situation, as if Brian Peck wasn't a grown man who should have known better.

Kimmy Robertson also wrote victim blaming language in her letter of support for Brian Peck.

Rich Correll wrote, "it would be my pleasure to work with him again". And then he did! Brian was allowed to work on The Suite Life! Correll later said, they had no input or involvement in the casting". He also went on to say that, "Mr. Peck simply replied that 'the problem had been solved'".

The series went on from there, explaining how Dan’s behaviors just got worse and worse, and he “flew too close to the sun”. The inappropriate sexual innuendo bits on his shows happened more and more frequently. This included constant closeups on actors’ feet, many of the young female actresses being forced to be squirted in the face with various liquids to represent “money shots”. Ariana Grande probably had it the worst in that she had to film videos that went directly to YouTube, many of which included her biting her own toenails, squeezing a potato until juice squirted out of it, etc. Just absolutely disgusting things that do not make sense for a CHILDREN’S television show. These weren’t jokes for kids. This was Dan Schneider abusing his power, and seeing how much he could get away with. 

It wasn’t until Jeanette McCurdy’s mother died that Nickelodeon finally launched an investigation into Dan Schneider. Jeanette talks about this in her book, “I’m Glad My Mom Died”, which was a heart wrenching read, but well worth it. Jeanette returned to work a WEEK after her mother died from a long battle with cancer. Because of the backlash she got for that, Nickelodeon realized that it was the culture Dan created that probably made Jeanette feel like she had to come back, that she couldn’t take more time off. 

All Nickelodeon did was remove Dan from his sets, and made it so he could only watch from his office and give notes from there. Even though he wasn’t physically on set, the toxic and hostile environment was still alive and well because he was still watching everyone’s every move. 

Thanks to #MeToo, more and more women started speaking up about their experiences on set with Dan Schneider. And then in 2018 Nickelodeon finally kicked Dan Schneider to the curb after launching another investigation based off the new claims. The investigation didn't reveal proof of sexual abuse, but it revealed more cases of harassment of his actors and his crews.

Child stars are often made fun of and exploited by the media as they transition into adulthood. We watch their mental health decline until they’re caught having a breakdown. People point and laugh, and say it’s just another child star who couldn’t handle life as a grown up. But what I think a lot of people don’t understand is that many child stars are forced into the entertainment business. Parents put their financial burdens on their children, tell them they need to work to support the family. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a child. So, if something bad is happening on a set, a kid is going to be too afraid to speak up because they could be fired, and if they’re fired, then they’re not making money for their families. The parents are supposed to be on set and with the kids at all times. But so many turn the other cheek and don’t speak up because they don’t want to risk their kids getting fired. 

It just feels like no adults, not even the ones you’re meant to trust, are safe to be around. In some way, shape, or form these kids get abused. Whether it’s sexual abuse, racism, inflicted eating disorders, or other types of mental abuse, they’re not safe. No one is looking out for them. Everyone is more concerned with making money. 

The entertainment industry squeezes the youth dry and tosses them aside when they can’t legally control them anymore. And we wonder why so many of them have a tough time later on in life. The lucky ones are helped through therapy, and the not so lucky ones either turn up dead, broke, abused, or end up abusing others as they were abused. 

I am feeling very sad and heartbroken. And I’m not sure where to go from here. So many of these shows have brought me comfort and laughs over the years. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to enjoy them again. Is it okay to sit and watch reruns or should we be boycotting everything? I want to help in the ways that I can, but I also know that the world will stop caring about this in a week or so when the next big truth bomb about something else is dropped. 

People who have no moral conscious, people who are okay letting children be hurt for the sake of their own wallets shouldn’t have any power. And I hope everyone involved in hurting these kids, past and present, is forced to answer for what they did. I hope they’re shamed and cancelled and doxxed and everything else bad that can happen to people like them. I hope they go broke and become ruined. And at this point, I hope Nickelodeon just crashes and burns. They don’t deserve any salvation. 

[tonyspank]

CHAPTER SIX | THE PARTY & THE AFTER PARTY

A/N: It’s been a while, huh? Sorry if I didn’t get everyone for the tweets.

Anyways, it’s an end of an era guys. I hate this but, fuck it! 😭😭 Like I literally sat here, staring at this for about ten minutes wondering "should i actually post this" ts is so bad.

Warnings: 18+ smut, angst, and yeah i think that’s it?

It's been about thirty minutes since Jenna left your apartment in a hurry. You've sent her multiple messages asking her if everything is fine, but you hadn't gotten an answer yet. You started to worry and called her, but she didn't answer the phone. You sigh, glancing at Jack who was lying on the ground scrolling through his phone.

Why wasn't he on the sofa? You didn't know. You asked him why he was on the ground and he shrugged. "Comfy," he mutters, rolling onto his stomach. You eye him confused before letting out an, "Oh, okay..."

You watch him for a few seconds, before deciding that it's better to just leave him alone. Your Twitter app was downloading, you had gotten curious of what people were saying about you. You open the app and create a quick profile before typing in your name. You scroll through the tweets, relieved to see nothing too negative. It was actually pretty funny.

You laugh at some of the tweets before quickly logging out. You put your phone away and look at Jack again. "Wanna watch a movie?" Jack looks up from his phone, shrugging before getting up and sitting next to you on the couch. The two of you watch a couple of movies, chatting and laughing in between.

Every now and then you'll check your phone for a message from Jenna, but she never replies. When the movies are over, Jack yawns and tells you it's time for him to go. You both say your goodbyes and you watch him leave, wondering why Jenna still didn't reply.

You sit in the dark alone, feeling dejected. You check your phone one last time, but still, no message. You take a deep breath and tell yourself that it's okay, that Jenna will reply soon.

Suddenly there's a knock on your door. You open the door and there she is, Jenna. She smiles and tells you that she's sorry for not replying earlier. "I was worried. Did something happen?" She lets out a breath, shaking her head. "No, everything's great."

She steps inside and looks around. You can tell something is on her mind, but she doesn't say anything. Once she's fully inside you take notice of her outfit.

She wore a black corset with a sheer white long-sleeved undershirt and bow. Adding a hint of lace and elegance to the look were the shirt's bottom edges peeking through the tight-fitting garment. The effect was stunning, drawing the eye to her curves and delicate beauty. She was a sight to behold.

You were in complete awe at the sight of the woman in front of you. She smiled and you could feel your heart skip a beat. You were mesmerized by her beauty and poise.

She was the embodiment of perfection. "You look... amazing, absolutely breathtaking." She blushed and let out a small laugh. Her eyes twinkled as she flashed a smile. "Thank you, I'm glad you think so. I wanted to go out with you tonight, sorry for not calling ahead."

You were speechless, your mind racing with excitement. "Of course, I'd love to go out with you." You smiled, feeling your heart swell with happiness. She beamed in response. "Okay. Go get dressed."

You rushed into your room, quickly throwing on the nicest clothes you could find. You glanced in the mirror, taking a moment to appreciate the butterflies in your stomach before you rejoined her. You were ready for the night, eager to make the most of it.

Jenna's driver was outside of your building and soon you were being led out of the car and into a club, camera flashes flickering nearly every second. Jenna wraps her arm around yours, not caring about the paparazzi.

You glance around, taking in the scene as Jenna leads you to the VIP area. You lean into Jenna's ear so she can hear you above the music. "Is anyone else here?"

Jenna nodded and pointed to a group of people at a nearby table. She smiled and said, "Let's go say hi." As you walked over, you recognized some of the faces of the company. It was Melissa, Mason, and Jasmin. You greeted them warmly and exchanged pleasantries before taking a seat at the table.

"You guys look cute!" Melissa says, smiling as she places down her drink. After a few moments of conversation, Jenna leans into your side, placing her head on your shoulder. You blush, a shy smile playing on your lips as you put your arm around Jenna's waist.

You can feel Jenna's warm breath against your neck as you look around the room, your eyes meeting Mason's. He continues to talk about Sam should be the next Ghostface in the new Scream.

Jasmin nods in agreement, her eyes going wide. "Exactly! It would be a great plot twist, plus! I just know Melissa would eat up the entire thing." You laugh, nodding your head as well. Melissa laughs, "I don't know. Isn't Sam's whole deal trying to not become her father?"

Jasmin looks thoughtful for a moment. "Maybe that can be the twist! Sam has to become her father in order to save the day." You turn your head a bit, "Didn't she kind of do that in this movie?" Jasmin nods and smiles. "Yes! But this time she'll become him completely. She'll be in the suit for more than three minutes, she'll do phone calls, and all sort of Ghostface stuff." She takes a breath and claps her hands. "It'll be epic!"

Jenna squeezes your thigh and you turn your head towards her as everyone continues the topic. "You look really good in your suit tonight." You blush and smile at the compliment. "Thanks," you reply, taking Jenna's hand in yours. "I really like spending time with you, Y/N."

Jenna leans in closer and kisses you, her lips lingering for a few moments before you pull away, blushing. You can feel your heart racing as you look into her eyes, not expecting her to kiss you in front of her friends.

Jenna smiles at you, her eyes twinkling. She leans in for another kiss and you feel a sensation spread through your body. You can hear the others talking around you, but you're too lost in the moment to care.

You take a deep breath and smile. "I like spending time with you too," you reply, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Jenna smiles looking around at her friends, then back at you, her face flushed. "Let's go somewhere more private," she whispers in your ear.

You both stand up, hands intertwined and make your way out of the room. As you walk away, you can feel the eyes of everyone watching you with a mix of envy and admiration. You both can't wait to get to a place more private, where you can finally be alone. You quickly enter the bathroom, locking the door. Once you're away from prying eyes, you share a passionate kiss.

Your lips and tongues move in sync, creating a beautiful harmony. You both can't keep your hands off each other. You both know where this is heading, and you're not afraid of it. Jenna pulls away, panting a bit. "You make me feel so alive."

She looks into your eyes, and you can feel the connection between you. You lean in and kiss her again, this time longer and more passionate. You know that this time, you are not going to be able to keep yourself from going further.

Your hands roam her black corset, searching for the string. "How the fuck do I take this off?" You mumble against her lips. Jenna giggles and reaches behind her back. With a few quick tugs, the corset falls to the ground. You let out a sigh of relief, pulling her close and kissing her deeply. She wraps her arms around your neck, and you lift her off the ground, placing her on top of the marble sink counter.

You trace your fingertips along her curves as you kiss her neck. She gasps in pleasure and pulls you closer. "Shit," she moans. You begin unbuttoning her undershirt, revealing her smooth, soft skin. You kiss her neck and shoulders as your hands begin to explore her body. She responds with a shudder of pleasure as you gently caress her.

She takes your hand and guides it to her breast, taking a deep breath as you cup it. Your other hand travels down her body, tracing her curves until you reach her hips. She moans in anticipation as you attach your lips to her nipple, caressing and massaging it with your tongue.

She wraps her legs around you and pulls you in closer, her breathing becoming heavier with each passing second. You move your other hand further down and slip it inside her, feeling the warmth of her body. She gasps in pleasure as you begin to explore her, your movements becoming more urgent.

Her hands knocks off your hat, fisting your hair as she moans your name. Your fingers move faster and faster, her body shakes with pleasure. She pulls you even closer and her body tightens as the pleasure builds.

You feel her muscles tense and her breathing becomes ragged as she reaches the peak of pleasure. Finally, she lets out a loud cry as she shudders in release, her grip on you loosening. "Fuck!"

You pull away, both of you panting and sweaty, your eyes meeting and a satisfied smile on both of your lips. She wraps her arms around you, holding you close as the wave of pleasure passes through her. She takes a deep breath and a satisfied sigh escapes her lips. You kiss her gently, not wanting to break the moment.

She looks up at you with a twinkle in her eye and whispers, "That was amazing." You smile and hug her tightly, feeling the same way. "We should go back before they wonder what's taking so long."

That was the last time you saw Jenna, well, that night exactly. You never imagined that would be the last time you'd see each other. You've been thinking about her ever since. It was like a goodbye that never happened.

You've tried to reach out to her, but she hasn't responded. You had seen her on social media doing interviews, but something that hurt ten times worse was that she was hanging out with Percy.

You were not sure if you wanted to reach out again or if it was time to move on. You felt confused and heartbroken. You had no idea what to do next.

Days turned into weeks and then weeks turned into months. You decided that it was time to move on. You finally accepted that it wasn't meant to be. You unfollowed her on Instagram and blocked her number. You started to feel free again. You no longer felt the need to check her profile or see what she was up to.

You felt a sense of closure, knowing that it was finally over. Even though it hurt to do it, you realized it was the best thing for both of you. You started to focus on yourself and your own life. You slowly began to heal and move on.

You still talk to Mason and Jack, meeting more of their famous friends. Some being Dylan Minette, Bailey Bass, Devyn Nekoda, and even Olivia Rodrigo. You started to feel more confident and even enjoyed the thrill of meeting new people.

You started to feel accepted and like you belonged. You no longer felt like an outsider, but like you were part of something bigger than yourself. You felt a sense of belonging and purpose in this new world you had been welcomed into.

Speaking of Jack, Mason and their famous friends, Bailey is joining the three of you to watch Olivia perform. Bailey was a part of the same group of friends and was welcomed in with open arms. When Olivia began to perform, the four of you were mesmerized. She had a beautiful voice.

"Oh my god! I can't believe I'm watching Taylor Swift's Prodigy live in action!" Jack screams. You playfully roll your eyes at the boy before Bailey smiles and laughs as you all enjoy the view. You can tell Olivia has worked hard, and you are proud of her for making it this far. After the performance, you all exit the venue, waiting for Olivia.

She eventually appears, beaming with joy and relief. She quickly walks to you, engulfing you in a tight hug. You congratulate her and tell her she did an amazing job, and she smiles brightly at your words. Bailey and the boys clap and cheer for her, "Amazing! I loved it." Jack says, she blushes and replies, "Thank you all so much." She hugs each of them in turn, feeling the warmth and support of her friends.

"This dude was literally screaming in my ear in excitement." You joke, using your thumb to point at Jack. Everyone laughs and Jack shrugs. "It was a great performance!" he defends. "That's true," You agree with a nod, "but you really didn't have to shout at me." You smile teasingly and Jack laughs, shaking his head. "Alright, alright," he concedes. "I'll be a bit quieter next time."

Mason speaks up with a smile on his face. "We're about to go out to eat. Do you want to come?" He asks Olivia. She ponders a bit before shaking her head, "Maybe next time. I'm a bit tired." Mason nods in understanding. He stands up and says, "Alright, take it easy. We'll catch up another time." He turns to the rest of the group and says, "Let's go."

The couldn't prepare yourself for the morning after. You had woken up by the knocking on your front door, and when you opened it, you were met with Jenna. You stood there, not knowing what to say or how to react. Jenna stared at you with an intensity that sent a chill down your spine.

A part of you wanted to hug her and tell her how much you missed her, while the other part of you wanted to slam the door in her face and laugh at the fact that she thinks she can just crawl back into your life after months of ghosting you.

You took a deep breath and stepped aside, allowing her to come in. You both stood in silence, the tension between you thick in the air. You waited for her to explain why she was there. She looked up at you and finally spoke. "I'm here to apologize," she said.

You weren't sure if you wanted to accept it, but you also felt a wave of relief. You nodded, and she stepped closer. She continued, her voice wavering. "I'm sorry for how I treated you. I didn't mean to shut you out like that."

You were surprised, unsure how to react. She looked up at you with hopeful eyes. You shake your head, thinking back on how sad and lost you felt, how she just left without an explanation. You had spent so many nights alone, angry and confused. Here she was, after all these months, asking for forgiveness.

"Why would you let me get attached to you just to leave?" She looked away, her eyes welling up with tears. She began motioning with her hands, her voice rising. "I told you! I—I'll be busy and I come with a lot." She looked away, her voice breaking. You stayed silent, your heart pounding.

"I don't understand how you could be so okay with leaving me out of your life for so long! And here I am watching you be fucking buddy-buddy with Percy and smoke! You're smoking after you were the one who told me smoking was so bad for my health?!" You felt so angry and hurt, you were starting to realize that maybe they weren't meant to be together after all.

"I told you. Percy is just a friend. I only started smoking because it reminded me of you." You looked away, not wanting to let her see the tears in your eyes. She put a hand on your shoulder and leaned in, whispering, "Don't cry. I'm sorry for not being there for you."

You turned to face her, and she wiped away your tears. You push her hands away, shaking your head. "Y/N, c'mon. I've—tried! Okay? I tried calling you and texting you, but you didn't answer me either."

You looked away, feeling guilty. "I blocked you. I kept checking my phone every single second hoping to hear from you, so I blocked to you stop." She sighed and nodded, understanding. "You are the first person that I've fully been vulnerable with." She looked down at her hands, her voice filled with sadness.

"Maybe I am too obsessed with my work." She looked up, her eyes meeting yours. "But I tried for us. I tried with you. It's just been so stressful! One second it's an interview, then it's something about the press, then it's something about you!"

You said nothing, just nodded. You were relieved that she finally opened up to you, but you were also filled with a sense of sadness. She took a deep breath, more tears forming in her eyes. "It's all just been too much," she whispered. "I'm so sorry." You wrapped your arms around her and just held her. You could feel her shaking as she tried to keep her emotions under control.

You felt your own tears beginning to fall. "I think we should stop seeing each other. I uh, I don't think it's fair for either of us, all the stress, you know?" She looked away, her eyes glassy and red.

Your palms hold Jenna's face, staring into her eyes. You slowly leaned in, pressing your forehead to hers, and holding her tight. Jenna's arms wrapped around you, holding you close as her own tears began to fall again. "I love you, Y/N."

You pulled away and looked into her eyes, trying to hold back your tears. You slowly ran your fingers through her hair and whispered, "I love you too." You leaned in and kissed her gently, bringing her back into a hug. You held her close as the tears began to flow.

You both knew it would be the last time you'd be together. You held each other for what felt like an eternity, neither of you wanting to let go. Finally, you stepped back, and she wiped away your tears. You smiled sadly at each other, and she walked away, leaving you standing there alone in your apartment.

The door shut and that's when you fell apart, your tears coming back with a vengeance. You sank to the floor, unable to stop your body from shaking with sobs. You felt like you had been walking through a fog and now it had finally cleared, leaving you with a clarity that hurt.

[vidavalor]

Hi! I loooove your blog. What's an underrated GO moment that you like?

Hi! Thank you. :) Nice to meet you. I have green tea and raspberry scones for snacks today as I just got back from the bakery. *sets up plates*

You know what little scene I love? I love the bit where Shax comes to the bookshop when Aziraphale is in Edinburgh and, in the middle of threatening Crowley, asks him how to fix the hot water boiler in the apartment. It's a little moment and funny in your first pass watching it but it plays even better on rewatch and once you think about it a little beyond just the initial laugh.

In the attack on the bookshop, we see that Shax is one of those demons that is like the angels in that she thinks of food as human and beneath her. She makes fun of Aziraphale for his human hungers-- for food, for Crowley (who isn't in the bookshop when she's saying this stuff.) So, she's not exactly teaching herself to become a gourmet chef in that apartment now that she's on Earth. She doesn't cook and she doesn't do dishes, really, but... she needs the hot water working badly enough that she's willing to swallow her pride and ask Crowley for help in fixing it, which means her human indulgences are hot showers and honestly? If I'd spent millennia in Hell and got to escape to Crowley's place in Mayfair, you couldn't drag me for a hundred years from whatever tropical rainforest paradise shower Crowley had in that place lol so I can't really blame her. Not to mention that there's not exactly a lot of privacy in Hell, if ya feel me? A lady demon who has finally escaped topside of the fiery pits of Hell might be reluctant to admit it but she might have found one or two things about having a human corporation are not completely horrible... maybe so not completely horrible enough that she's desperate enough to go to the being who has not taught her what Google is for his own amusement for assistance with getting that hot water boiler operational again as soon as is demonically possible lol. (Crowley's canonically excellent taste in showerheads is absolutely the most top of mind meta you're going to find today, I know lol.)

Anyway, this means that Shax interrupted Crowley's afternoon of Operation Lovebirds: Shop Lesbian Vavoom to ask him to make it rain for her in the apartment.

He really hasn't done this much weather in ages.

It's also funny to me that the hot water boiler has rebelled against Shax by giving her two yellow lights (Crowley's eyes) and the solution for it, according to black-clad, silver necklace Crowley, is to turn a black tab on a silver loop. Whether Crowley's apartment is just in revolt against Shax or whether we're poking fun at the fact that Shax appears to have a little thing for Crowley or both, it's amusing.

Not to mention that Crowley's little lesson in locating the "hot water boiler tab" involves finger movements the likes of which have never been used to fix a hot water boiler in all our days lol. Crowley's a free-thinking Cupid. You gotta vavoom with your own damn self sometimes-- he gets it, girl. He's all the flavors of Baskin Robbins, Shax, and he's been on Earth for ages. He knows what he's doing. Take notes lol. If you find the black tab on the silver loop, it'll turn the hot water back on and then if you follow his non-verbal instructions here...

Besides the humor, though, this little moment is also happening in the segment of the story in which Crowley and Gabriel have been puzzling out the origins of gravity together. The heaviness of watching Crowley unable to remember building the universe is balanced a bit here, when they remind us through this scene in which he appears to be explaining something he built to fix his problematic hot water boiler that his curiosity and his need to take things apart to see how they work are not things that can be taken from him and that he rebuilds by literally rebuilding things.

(Aziraphale, we all know you've been breaking things around the bookshop for the last two hundred years and then calling Crowley and telling him that you couldn't possibly use another frivolous miracle to fix it or Gabriel will send you another strongly-worded note and would he please come over... and yes, it is a pipe under the sink again, how did he know? lol)