#help me im in love

[sempaksiete]

i want him to look down on me tbh

[demi-goshdamnit]

Luke Castellan being Asian-American

(in this headcanon, Luke is japanese-american)

Luke lived in Connecticut with his mother when he was younger, in a small apartment that used to be home

The first rule he ever learned was to never wear shoes around the place, or else he would've been beaten with a broom or his mom's stolen hotel slippers

Whenever he and his mom go out to eat at restaurants, she would always hoarde the napkins, salt and pepper packets, and the butter in her purse to take home

He and his mother spoke only in japanese alone, but english when there were others. It used to feel like a secret language for Luke

Luke couldn't read katakana, hiragana or kanji— brother can't even read english— so he solely learned through his mother

Sometimes Luke would catch himself cursing in japanese to himself at camp; whether he's training with his siblings or just having fun with his friends

If he's pissed or angry, probably at clarisse or chris, he'll yell out a "ばかやろう (asshole)" or "くそくらえ (eat shit)"

During meals at the pantheon, Luke has rice with EVERYTHING; He doesn't give it up for offerings and sometimes he'll just snack on onigiri's after a long day

Rice was his only connection to his mom, whether he admits it to himself or not

Ain't nun of ya'll catching Luke use any other utensils other than chopsticks and an occasional spoon, bro is committed

On the run, whenever they can, Luke would make stir-fry and fried rice for Thalia and Annabeth, trying to teach them how to use chopsticks and giving up after 15 minutes of miniBeth spilling rice everywhere because she couldn't properly hold it

I think younger Luke would've DREAMED of having a celestial bronze katana; he would imitate the old japanese samurai movies his mom had and even tried using long sticks as placeholders

Luke coming back to the Hermes cabin after a long day, exhausted as fuck and half-conscious, slipping his shoes off and mumbling "ただいま (I'm home)" before falling face flat on his bed

Speaking of Luke's bed, he would definitely give up mattress privileges to others because he's used to sleeping on the floor from 1) constantly travelling on the road for years, and 2) his childhood bed was a futon

"Besides, futon beds are better for your back," Luke reasoned.

[kaunisbaby]

ale better stop reading my (stupid) comments aloud and laughing at them because im giggling blushing kicking my feet over here

[cinnawinnamon]

Crush

Journal Entry #1

I couldn’t sleep other than the moment of shut eye i got while reading.. but thats nothing new, except..i started thinking about this girl, idk why she pops into my head from time to time, so i got to thinking about it. About why i kept thinking of her, why couldn’t i let her go like all the crushes i’d had before and after her? ..and i realized..a whole lot of things actually. It was in the way she looked at me, like she was interested in me, like she wanted to see what i’d do next. And whenever i caught her eye it made me smile, not that she was looking at me. But that she was seeing the things in me that nobody else was. How she always was looking when nobody else was. I’ll give you an example, me, our friends and her were all playing uno one time..when your in a group of people there are these little pockets, small moments where everyone elses attention is preoccupied with each other or something else that just happened or the tv or whatever. In these little moments you can say whatever you want, ANYTHING and no one will hear you, you can get away with some small things in these moments and i knew that. I’d experienced these moments my whole entire life..so i switched the uno pile around to the color that favored the hand i had. There i was flipping through the pile looking for the best card for me to put on top of the pile..but something was different, this little pocket of my own, someone had found it. i was being watched. I cant remember if she gasped or almost said “hey” or maybe even chuckled idk but i looked at her and she was looking at me with a smile on her face. I couldnt help but smile back. It was just me in her in this little moment, i changed the cards around to my liking..she never said a word about it to me or anyone. but that whole game i was smiling and so was she, and only we knew why.. even thinking about it now puts a smile on my long face.

There was this other time she came up to me and said “i know ___ will love this” and she showed me a video that just that day had me cracking up and laughing my ass off. But when she showed it to me, i had already seen it and i got all my giggles about it out. She seemed surprised that i didnt laugh as much as she thought i would. I wish i had told her how much it made me laugh before. That id already seen it. That she was right, that she knew me so well..i didnt of course i had my fake laugh i said thats great and walked away.

Il tell you two more stories these are a bit different..were in the laundry room of my best friends apartment complex. My main friend group is all there. My two best friends..and her. Oh god i really hope im not romanticizing all this just because im lonely. Why cant anything just be? Why must there always be the possibility that something isn’t real??..

Ok ok back to the story: Were all talking as we always did, the conversations were always amazing with these people..i dont regret a single monent i spent with them, but with her they were..especially interesting..i cant remember what the hell we were talking about at the time but..either her or i said something that the other two didnt get. But we got it, i remember the feeling. I was getting more and more excited the more i felt she understood, i got off the laundry machine. I thought nothing of it..i was so happy that someone could relate to what i was saying! Suddenly i was inches from her.. she was still seated at the laundry machine that just a moment ago was on the other side of the room. But suddenly, i was right infront of her..she was right infront of me. Silence. The other two looked on, i had almost forgot. She was dating my best friend. I think at that moment everyone knew that i had forgotten. The silence rang through me. I smiled my disappointed smile and went back to my laundry machine and sat down, from than on i tried my best not to look at her.

What would have happened if there was nothing that would have stopped me?..i think i would have just kept getting closer..

And now for the final memory. Me and my two best friends had this little clothing brand and we made all sorts of clothes. Shirts, hoodies, shorts..and one time we made these ski masks, they were a completely out there design, there was a zipper on the mouth piece , and some other stuff referencing traditional mafia/gang symbolism.. i didnt much care for it my self but i also didnt design it so i didnt care about it at all really..to be honest with you i thought it looked a bit ridiculous, i mean it was innovative but i could do without the gang references. Anyway shes dating one of my best friends at the time (i know i know, only the shittiest of friends start crushing on their best friends girl..but maybe thats what made it so great? We knew we were never gonna get together so we could love each other from afar, its the safest kind of love you can fall into. And its just as distant too..) so she hangs around us and our clothe making alot and we were just wrapping up, about to walk outside in the cold winter evening. I put my jacket on as i walk out the door and i turn back around to say something..and i see her right behind me with the ski mask on..haha i never imagined someone could look so cute in the stupid thing. I swooned like ive never swooned before haha ! I drooped my head on to the door enraptured by her very essence..i couldnt take my eyes off her..i felt my eyes water up. Just than she took the mask off and with the most innocent beautiful eyes she looked at me. She saw my love for her in that moment..one of those moments again, surrounded by people but it was just me and her. She looked at me like she was sorry, sorry that i had fallen in love with her.. it almost broke my heart than and there because i saw it all in her eyes..i snapped out of it quick : realizing how bare i’d been wearing my emotions i reverted to my distant self, the part that was easy to play, the one who could take over and and shoot the shit and never have to feel a thing. all while i sat in the passenger seat..just…screaming for me to do something other than the stupid things i’d do.

…Every now and again i long for her. But im afraid that it wont be the same. for you see, i am a coward with my emotions, i bury them, i drown them, i numb them, i run from them. But i never face them, and im afraid with no barrier between me and her..that she wont feel the same way..and what if it was all in my head? What if she looked at me that way because she was so sorry for me for having fallen in love with her because she knew she could never reciprocate? Not for me. I am unlovableUNLOVable

Oh god

Stupidstupid howcouldanyoneverloveyou? DumbstupidcowardwrongjerkassholestupididiotidiotIDIOTIDIOTIDIOT

She would have been-

She would have been..

Just stop. Just say hi..ask her how shes been, maybe she’ll be happy to hear from you…and if shes not than at least you know that this love does exist..you’ll find it, just dont give up on it. And above all, be brave

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[soundofcomets]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA okay so one of my close online friends introduced me to one of his irl school friends (in a discord server) and we started screaming at each other about mass effect (her obsession) and baldur's gate three (my obsession) and started sharing art of our respective games to each other. Well friend #1 was like "I regret introducing you to her /lh" because we're so similar in "I like x game because [character] and [long winded reason]"

We started screaming about things in dms, then I asked friend #1 if I could marry him because he was making chainmail, because I wanted free chainmail, and he just said "Someone else would like to marry you" AND JUST LEFT IT AT THAT

The fucker was being cryptic as shit about who was crushing on me but through sheer autism I deduced that it has to be friend #2 because he's the only one who knows this person with a crush.

A few days later we confess to each other with some keysmash interspersed and it's going great

[drops-jb]

i got a bit too close there

think i saw it in your eyes

giving it a bit of pressure

and when will i realise

that

it isn's happening

it isn't gonna

youre not the one-only

and you dont wanna

it's not a fantasy

you aren't a lover

it isn't happening

it isn't gonna

[mokeonn]

"But if college was free, then people would abuse that and get useless degrees" hell yeah I would! If I could go to college without debt I would make it my job to get a degree in every little thing that interested me. I'd get a doctorate in film studies. I'd have a bachelor's degree for every science I like. I'd try to learn at least 5 languages with varying results. I would learn something "useful" like coding and then follow it up with a ""useless"" degree like art history. I'd be the world record speed run holder for getting every degree possible.

But I can't afford college without going into massive debt, so instead I spent the last 5 years trying to figure out what I am passionate enough about to consider going into debt over, because unfortunately being passionate about everything is extremely expensive to pursue.

[theoldkyokodied]

Guess who has been rewatching iasip...

[beeabart]

rose tyler my beloved

[puppyeared]

these two are so interesting to me

characters belong to @canisalbus

[beebundt]

thinking a little too much abt durge/orin sibling relationship rn. 🩸ft. my durge (briar, they/them)

[p4nishers]

i cant get over the ball being so CLEARLY all for crowley i can't get over aziraphale trying to woo him with a WHOLE FUCKING BALL because that's what he knows that's what romance IS for him because he's been wanting to dance with crowley ever since dancing was invented and he's so stuck in time with the way he dresses and talks and he still thinks a dance is the high of romance AND HE MADE A WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING BALL FOR CROWLEY JUST SO HE COULD DANCE WITH HIM like now it's so fucking obvious he gave away his BOOKS without a second thought and it was all for crowley he organised a whole JANE AUSTEN THEME BALL just so he could have an excuse to finally dance with the love of his life and i can't get over this i'm shaking my fists and pacing up and down he did not give a single fuck about anything other than dancing with crowley and HE BARELY TOUCHED OTHER PEOPLE'S HANDS WHILE HIS WHOLE FUCKING PALM WAS PRESSED TO CROWLEY'S AND i need to lie down

[corviiids]

in the one (1) month since i watched death note for the first time i sure have been doing a fucking posting

bonus:

[prettieinpink]

NEW YEAR, NEW ME

( A collab with thee lovely lele @bloombabydoll )

If you want to reinvent and rebrand yourself, or just continue to make positive improvements in 2024, the first thing is to evaluate your current year. 

EVALUATION

Reflect on how things went for you. Was there continuous growth? Were there many difficult times? Did you discover anything major about yourself and so on. Try to summarise your year in (a) paragraph(s) at least. 

Oversee your goals. Which ones you didn’t, did achieve, difficult ones, easy ones and the impacts it had on your life. 

Compare your dream girl then and now. Is your visualisation of your life currently different to the one you have now and why? 

List any major losses or successes you’ve had in your life, and how they have helped you or why it matters to you. 

This evaluation can be as detailed or simple as you like, but as long as you have a decent outline of your year. 

PREPARING & PLANNING

To prepare for 2024, you want to know what you want life to be like in 2024. Something realistic to a point, but still is a growth journey. 

Think of something that you can associate with 2024. This can be a word, a symbol, art, a song, a book, a movie, a place, or even just all of these things. When you think about your goals and your journey, this is your theme. This is something that should relate to your goals or your dream girl somehow. 

For me, I chose a word and a song. My word is growth because, for me, 2023 was a year for just being able to shed my old self which I did achieve however I just felt there wasn’t much growth as an actual person and not just in my environment. 

For my song, it is Mayflowers by Proleters and Taskrok. This song is the epitome of what I would imagine, is the most polished mindset. I would say perfect, but having a perfect mindset is near impossible. I want to have a mindset glow up because I’ve just been hard on myself lately which has caused my confidence to plummet. 

Before we get into the fun part of the preparation stage, we have to do some organisation in our life. I want you to take a look at your daily lifestyle and your habits, and be completely unashamed about this. 

Then categorise these habits into two sections; Leave and Leap. Leave habits are habits that you are leaving behind in 2023, leap habits are habits that are leaping into 2024 with you. 

Any habits that are self-destructive, addictive or generally harmful are leave habits. Beneficial habits and self-building are leaping with you into the new year.

I want you to do the same for people in your life, all environments (school, work, online etc) and anything else you believe needs to be sorted out. 

This works better if you can reason with yourself why it is a leaping or leaving habit, but don’t try to convince yourself a bad habit is good or vice versa. 

Now, I want you to document an honest paragraph about who you are right now. List your bad and good habits, your strengths and weaknesses and your behaviours. This one requires a bit more detail. 

Then, write a paragraph about who you will be in 2024, your dream girl. List her habits, lifestyle, behaviours, mindset, strengths and anything else extra. I’ll explain later but do not include materialistic desires in this your dream girl. Once again, this one also requires details. 

Stemming from those paragraphs, I want you to create specific and achievable goals. SMART goals are best, but I want to introduce you to how I set goals. 

I divide my year into quarters. For each 3 months, I have 3-5 goals for those months. Usually, it’s one from each area of my life. Then, I break down these goals. 

Questions and How They Help 

Why do I want to do this goal - For motivation and commitment. 

How it’ll benefit me - For the sake of improvement. 

How can I involve myself in this goal - To achieve your goal.  

I prefer this method because it is a lot simpler for me, as I am just a young girl and my bigger goals are more in the future in which I’ll utilise SMART goals. 

To create good goals; Make sure they align with your current values and life principles first. Try to avoid creating goals that you have just taken from the internet. Those goals just aren’t it and you most likely won’t follow through with it. 

Be specific. Don’t say you want to eat more healthily, instead say you want to include (a certain group of veggies/fruits) in your diet and reduce the intake of ( food/drink). 

E.g using eating healthy example

I want to eat healthy -> I want to start including foods that boost my immunity system and support my skin while reducing those that have the opposite effect. 

Then break down those quarterly goals into monthly, weekly and daily goals. Make these habits that you can establish in your lifestyle and have a way in which you can refer back to your progress. 

EXAMPLE GOAL BREAKDOWN

Quarterly Goal - Read 6 books.  

Monthly Goal - Finish 2 books.

Weekly Goal - Be or near half way of one book.

Daily Goal - 20 minutes of reading per day. 

AREAS TO SET GOALS IN YOUR LIFE

Academics

Spiritual

Fitness/sport

Health and wellbeing

Mental health

Personal life

Relationships

Hobbies and recreation

Now for the best part- vision boards! Collect all of your favourite images that embody your quarters or the whole year, then put them in one place where you can see them regularly!

Some ideas are a scrapbook, Pinterest boards, mood boards, playlists etc. 

Choose your theme; It can be your healthy girl era, your academic come back or whatever you want. You can have more than two btw.

Use quotes! Then actually say them in your daily life as a way to shift your mindset to reflect said quote.

Include inspirational people. It doesn't even have to be a millionaire or a very well established person, it could be your friends or someone on the internet.

Be imaginative. Your vision board doesn't have to realistic in my opinion, as the whole point of it to me is that viewing it daily and considering it to be part of your life one day allows for you to open up to those opportunities.

Materialistic Wants

I feel obligated to make this a separate section. This section is practically tangible objects that you want.

However, when choosing this said object that you want, mindfully think about why you want that thing specifically.

It doesn’t have to be meaningful, but as long as each thing on that list has got a purpose to you, and will serve you, I think it’s all good!

Conclusion

If you want, you can definitely start implementing habits before January. However, I believe that as long as you go into 2024 at least knowing who you want to be and shedding away any limiting beliefs, you’ll be fine.

Make sure to incorporate some self care rituals into your daily life as well✨

To end this, I hope everyone has a very merry Christmas! And that 2024 they will achieve to close that gap with their current selves and their dream girl selves! 💖🙏

[uncanny-tranny]

Tall trans girl reading this: you aren't too tall for heels. If you want to wear them, wear them proud. There is nothing more spectacular than a tall woman in heels, and nobody can ever take that away from you, not even yourself 🩷🪻