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eluminium · 11 days ago

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What your favorite Hermit says about you! (In the style of Blake Jennings)

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ALL IN GOOD FUN AND JEST. NONE OF THESE ARE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. Also all of these are based mostly on vibes and minimally on research. If you wanna check out the guy whose videos inspired this post, you can click here.

WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY, ONTO THE SHAMING!

BdoubleO100: Chronic scratcher. You've never thrown a proper punch in your life but my god you've turned multiple people's arms into segmented paper after they looked at you funny.

Cubfan135: It's low-hanging fruit to say you're the most neurodivergent person in any room you enter. It's high-hanging fruit to say you're the neurodivergent who spends uncomfortable amounts of time in games like The Sims or People Playground perfecting your handmade torture chambers and killing machines.

DocM77: Horny jail. Your W.I.Ps would get you flogged by a priest in the town square, and there's a non-zero chance you'd actually be into that.

Ethoslab: A majority of the time, you're relatively normal passing. But the times you aren't you are a magnitude 10 quirkquake. This is both an insult and a compliment.

Falsesymmetry: Ah, perfectionists. You poor lot are masters at getting stuck in the "wanting things to be perfect vs knowing you don't have enough skill to make it perfect" loop which leads you into doing nothing and then developing depression.

Geminitay: Out of every hermit fanbase, Gem mains are the ones I believe most when they say they'd kill and die for their hermit. Like everyone else you can just go "haha funny! I am also a fan of hyperbolic humour" but with Gemboys you're not quite sure if bestie is joking or admitting to premeditated assault.

Grian: I get the feeling that you are the type of person who, when asked what you want to eat, will say "I'm fine with anything!" but you'll get genuinely frustrated if they pick something you didn't want.

GoodtimeswithScar: You guys are the embodiment of the bed of nails vs one nail phenomenon. The most traumatic thing could happen to you and you're like "eh" but if a stranger called you mid you would start sobbing.

Hypnotizd: WHERE ARE YOU?! What kind of dark, hidden discord servers do you people hide in??? Hypno mains are like the goddamn Higgs-Boson, finding evidence of one existing in public is damn near impossible but you MUST EXIST or there would be a fundamental error in the fabric of the universe. I can't even poke fun at you because I CANNOT FIND YOU.

iJevin: I'm guessing Vulture Culture is very important to you. If it's not, it's only a matter of time until it will be.

ImpulseSV: You, like him, are a cavalcade of undiagnosed mental disorders that you don't feel like getting treated. Really, the only difference between you and him is the fact that you are a lesbian.

Joe Hills: Your right-wing older relatives call you a woke leftist and your cousins call you a weirdo. What no one will call you is a maladaptive daydreamer because you've at least got the sense to keep that to yourself at family reunions.

Keralis: *sigh* Daddy kink. And that's all the descriptive words you deserve because you are neither slick nor subtle with it.

MumboJumbo: He is babygirl. You want to be babygirl. You are not babygirl. You're sitting on your throne of bones and this man is the bunny you pet while you watch the heroes lose to you in children's card games.

PearlescentMoon: Hello art kids! Specifically, art kids who could not have a normal student-teacher relationship with art teachers. There was at least one art teacher in your life who either adored you or hated your guts and which one you got completely depended on how neurodivergent YOU were and how neurodivergent THEY were. (This includes all forms of art)

Rendog: People who are most likely to be turned into bangmaids by their boyfriend/girlfriend. Look, it's completely okay that you like your partners a little bit cringe and pathetic and dumb, but remember that weaponized incompetence is not sexy!

Skizzleman: You have daddy issues, or you have intimacy issues. You could even have both. Whatever you have, you NEED to seek therapy because he cannot fix you.

Smallishbeans (Joel): You're the type of person who's kinda obsessed with the idea of biting people as a show of affection. Which is unfortunate because associating that behavior with a brunette British man historically hasn't ended well.

TangoTek: Oh my god, PICK A STRUGGLE. Are you addicted to having 500 problems at once and 65% of them are self-inflicted? I can't think of any other reason you'd do these things to yourself because it's not like you ENJOY this, you meet every single battle with the disposition of a SOAKED CAT.

VintageBeef: I know you'd lose ALL self-respect if you met a man (or woman) like Beef in a bar or club. Like, biblical levels of self-disrespect. You'd lose all morals, all convictions, everything you've ever known about the world and yourself, just for a chance. I don't know if it's admirable or really, really sad.

Welsknight: Oof, how's that religious trauma treating you? If you were brought up in a non-religious environment, swap this out with that emptiness you feel when you realize you will never be able to truly convince yourself to believe in any faith, even if you want to.

xBCrafted: Hey diva, how's your mid-to-late 20s going? Still having a crisis over being able to drink fewer and fewer glasses of wine without feeling like death in the morning? Oh, you're not in your mid-to-late 20s? Damn, you've probably been called an old soul your entire life, and I'm not sure you've realized yet that it's not a good thing.

Xisumavoid: It's hard to pick on you guys because you already have it hard enough, so let me give you some advice instead. DO NOT DATE THAT TRADWIFE/TATER TOT YOU'RE CHECKING OUT. I know the temptation is there but YOU CANNOT FIX THEM. THEY WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.

Zedaph: You could not explain your gender identity to your cishet family members if you tried. Honestly, you couldn't explain it to your fellow gays either. You have ascended to gender beyond most people's imagination.

ZombieCleo: You have a thing for authority, don't you? You want nothing more than for a person higher up the food chain to tell you straight up what to do at all times so you don't have to navigate the minefield that is small talk with people you don't know.

And that's all of them! Thank you for reading through this project of mine! If the comment under your favorite hermit doesn't fit you, feel free to write your own in the tags or something. Or yell at me for being stupid and dumb and bad and knowing nothing about you. We love free will and attention here at the Eluminium Tumblr blog.

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clovermoters · 3 months ago

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flights and family - lando norris x wife!reader

summary - after an eventful first half of the season, a trip home is just what you and your family need to reset

warnings - nothing! some mentions of lando being overwhelmed due to the 2024 season, but other than that just fluff & kisses

authors note - haiii heres a josie fic i wrote while i was on a plane a couple months ago, i hope u enjoy <33 im trying to get back into the swing of writing so gimme reqs and ill try and get to them as quick as possible!! lots of love, clove!

apart of the josephine elliot norris chronicals

“babe wake up..” kisses flutter across your face, pulling you out of your peaceful sleep. you open your eyes to see your husband's emerald eyes overtop of you.

“we gots’ to go! its airport time in t-minus 1 hour“ he whispers, lightly pinching your bicep to spark your body awake.

“uuuggh what time is it?” you groan, rolling over to grab your phone, 3:46am. your flight boards at 6. You fall back into the duvet, eyes slowly closing as sleep reaches out to pull you under again.

“baby! up! i’ll get josie” he shouts through whisper, marching around your bedroom in his baby blue sweatpants and matching hoodie. You giggle, throwing the covers over, finally getting out of bed.

lando speeds down the hall towards your daughter's room, he creaks the door open into the room. dimly lit from the flower nightlight hung on the wall next to the pretty pink letters spelling josephine above the small pink race car bed. his daughter, a recent graduate to the race car bed, was curled up under her blankets sleeping softly.

lando lifts his daughter into his arms, the 3 year old stirring slightly, whining at the disturbance of her slumber.

“it’s just daddy,” he shushes, pushing the curls out of her face so he can see his own eyes looking back at him “you ready for the plane baby?” rolling the bright pink suitcase down to the front door where yours and his await along with your carry ons. The quiet babbles of your daughter chatting with him about her dream fill the quiet of the early morning.

monaco was rarely quiet, the city almost never sleeps. the peaceful blanket of calm reassurance, lando was sure today would go smoothly.

you just needed to be ready on time.

he loved you, his wife, the love of his life, mother of his child, number one supporter.

but my god your punctuality needed some work.

Just as if you heard his thoughts, you came bustling down the stairs with your bag in hand, sporting your light grey aritzia sweatsuit that Lando bought you as an early anniversary present.

“okay, i’m ready” you huff, blowing your hair that fell in front of your eyes. lando chuckles at your disheveled-ness while your daughter rests her head on his shoulder, quickly falling back to sleep.

you melt at the sight, smiling softly “she’ll be okay right?” you ask, it was josie’s first time flying, your husband rubbing her back before nodding

“Of course she well, she's so zonked she won't even realize we're in the air-” you chuckle “and I booked a jet. we couldn’t be more safe.” he assures you while handing you some suitcases to take to the uber that’s arriving downstairs.

“as long as we get to the airport on time” he jokes, giving your bum a light pat while you lock the door. You scoff at him playfully, even after being married for four years and having a child, Lando still has his ways to make you giggle like a teenager.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

making it through the airport was quick, josie had fallen asleep on lando in the car. Making the check in easy when you didn’t have a 3 year old asking every question imaginable. you and lando loved her imagination and curiosity, taking it as a small parenting win when you had the time and energy to answer those questions.

4:45am, however, is not the time to answer those questions

security was quiet, perks of flying early and in the middle of the week. the attendants recognized your little family letting you through the fast lane just for some entertainment, in the mist of the night.

the sun was just making its appearance over the horizon when you took off. Josie was curled up in landos lap, completely passed out.

“I can't wait to be home in London,” you say softly as you rest your head on your husband's shoulder, your gaze fixed on your little bundle of love whos sleeping in his lap

Lando hums, eyes fixed on his daughter who’s been subconsciously squeezing his fingers in her rem.

“yeah, i can’t wait to see my parents” he adds “i made max pick us up so we can surprise them at breakfast”

one week ago, you and your husband made an impromptu decision to drop everything and take a trip home. You both have been overly stressed and it was taking a toll on the two of you. Lando has been at the fighting front of the championship for months while you have been juggling being a first time mother and handling your own responsibilities at work.

it all came to a breaking point when lando had broken down after coming home from a tough race weekend. frustrated with the results, the pressure and overall the backlash from outsiders, had him sobbing in your arms the minute he walked through the door. soon after you both came to the realization that you needed some well deserved rest and relaxation during the summer break.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

“ahh they’re they are!” Max shouts from the car when he spots you two, earning a glare from you, pointing to the girl still sleeping soundly in landos arms.

“Whoops, sorry!” He sucks in a breath through his teeth. helping you load the bags into the boot while Lando secures Josie in her car seat. You always thought fatherhood was so beautiful on him, you fall in love with him all over again seeing the way he was with josie. only proving to you that this was something he was meant to do.

The London streets were still quiet, the faded radio music providing a background as you and Lando chatted with Max, catching up while he navigated through the city towards landos childhood home.

When you arrived, you took Josie in your arms trying to wake her so she could greet her grandparents properly.

the girl stirred in your arms, mumbling incoherent words into your neck and lando giggling from behind you, watching the girl wake. you always loved watching him with josie, the man adored his daughter. from the moment she was born she had him wrapping around her finger the very second he saw his own eyes staring back at him.

“hi baby girl wanna go say hi to nana and pop?” he asked, that perked Josie up. The toddler always got excited at the mention of her grandparents.

“ya i’m gonna giv’ them a biiig hug” she mumbled still half asleep, lifting her head from your shoulder while showing a toothy smile to her father. You and your husband break out into a fit of giggles.

The sweet smell of eggs, bacon and delicious pastries engulfed the inside of the Norris family home. you and lando feel yourself physically relax at the thought of ciscas home cooked brunch.

soft music came from the kitchen as the distant voices of landos family traveled throughout the home. Providing a lighthouse to the kitchen, the light at the end of a tunnel that you and lando so desperately were waiting for.

you place josie down, allowing her to walk ahead of you and lando, the girl running into the kitchen, turning to see the girl, cisca halts her movements, gasping at her granddaughter, who she knew lived in monaco.

“well what are you doing here missy?” the woman asks, alerting the rest of the Norris family of their unexpected guest. you and lando take that as the signal to turn the corner, smiling ear to ear with your hands interlocked, the shocked faces of the norris family say enough that your surprise was a success

“surprise!”

The room erupted into cheers from the Norris family, moving to give you all hugs. Josie giggling as her grandma picks her up, attacking her cheeks with kisses.

You greet landos sisters and parents, squeezing your sister in-laws while Lando hugs his brother and his wife.

“what brings your three here?” landos father, adam asks while giving his son a hug, flo begins setting three extra place mats on the dining table for you as josie is in a very in depth conversation with her grandma.

“monaco was getting too much so we wanted to spend some time home before the break ends..” lando explained, simply. pressing a kiss to your temple before moving to hug his mum, you watch as he melts slightly into the embrace, tucking his head inside her neck the same way he does with you.

Cisca places a kiss on your check when she hugs you “you go settle in upstairs, breakfast will be ready soon, you must be exhausted”

You both sink into the mattress, letting out a sigh of relief.

“I am so happy we came,” Lando breathes, rolling over to look at you with that loving smile on his face that gives you butterflies, the morning sun hitting his face just perfectly, casting a gentle glow over his gorgeous features. You smile softly up at him reaching out gently to scratch the light stubble he's grown.

“I'm so happy we came too my love”

He lightly pecks your lips before the door bursts open, in walks Josie with Mila hot on her heels. The two cousins hopping on the bed before josie lightly jumps on her fathers stomach, causing lando to let out a quiet “oomf-”

“Nana told us to come get you because brekkie is ready!” Mila said before hopping off the bed and running out the room, Josie tries to wiggle out of landos arms but he squeezes her tighter, placing kisses all over her face. The girl giggling at her father

“Oh no you don't missy!” he says

“dada let me go!” she shouts through a string of giggles and squeals.

You three make your way downstairs, joining your family at the table. The conversation flows effortlessly as you fill your tummy with ciscas delicious spread of food. You and Lando make eye contact from the opposite sides of josie who sat between you two, landos eyes were filled with nothing but love as you smiled softly back at the love of your life, a silent agreement that this trip was just what your family needed.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

all doneee thank u so much for reading!!

#lando norris fanfic #ln4 #lando x reader #formula 1 #f1 fanfic #lando norris #f1 x reader #lando fluff #lando norris fic #lando norris fluff #ln4 x reader #ln4 imagine #lando imagine #dad lando norris #holy moly

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