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#honestly? positive emotions are STRONGER
katyspersonal · 9 months
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Idk why you get hate when your blog is one of the most honest i have come across and your lore posts are so meta that i don’t even think most bb youtubers have discovered what you have lol. Y’all just got jealous haters.
It is far not the first time I've heard explanation that people are just jealous, really :') 👍 Like... That Alfred-chan (aka Clod Frollo) simply hated me and was jealous and latched onto the first chance to justify the unending wish to remove me is painfully apparent at this rate. Inventing up bigotry, harm and opinions that were never there to get the chance to declare someone you hate a "witch" is the oldest trick in the book! If you convince people the person is bad and harmful, you are automatically justified to treat them however you want.
It might be my lore, because they were really mad at the fact that I write essays on multiple occasions? Like, they try to paint it as me "having no life" or "being mad", but. dude. dude you are projecting. If the only way you could write essay on a topic you care about is abandoning all your chores and needs and/or getting mad at someone, then I have bad news for your intellect? :/ This is a very common attitude from people that cannot say anything interesting on their own and just post the same two-sentence brainlet takes about how much male characters/fans suck or how their [LGBT headcanon] is the only true interpretation and everyone who disagrees can't analyse media. 🤔 So how can they feel better about not having as many interesting headcanons or good theories? They've picked the low-effort way - to attempt destroying the value of "lore essays" by painting them as a bad thing! I will be real tho - they've gotten like, two asks about their headcanons in a lifetime (both about the same character, ironically) and shown that they CAN post something good when they want to, so eventually it is the matter of choosing low-effort way. Destroying is easier than creating!
It could also be freedom, and honesty, like you said. Some people's only trump card is being """good"""! Some people think if they put 'transphobes DNI' in their bio and regularly seek to call out bigotry that isn't here they are automatically a good person who is now allowed to stalk, harass, be toxic in general and push even genuinely innocent people under the bus. But I do not have to compensate for lack of personality and latch onto any ideology or activism - I am already a pretty awesome and interesting individual on my own. 😎 Not to mention how they have to put on the hard show of fighting "for the common good" to keep their following engaged, meanwhile I still have very genuine and deep support even despite my honest fuck-ups (forget the fabricated accusations!). I don't have any other theory than them knowing (maybe subconsciously) that by surrounding themselves by witch-hunters ideological soldiers, they've trapped themselves in the situation where if THEY fuck up - their "fans" will turn on them, if not cancel them. Building following based on ideology instead of shared interest (or one's own unique radiant personality, like mine 😎) is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Because... guess what? Correct, because that sort of people eats their own.
________________________
I'd appreciate no more personal asks like this for some time, because I genuinely start to feel guilty talking about myself so much (in my personal blog.... hmmm logical...). But again, kids, remember - you must make your worth with cool shit like talent, great personality traits, positively encouraging others, etc and not in ideology and making up witches you could "defeat". That person has the capacity by having some nice ideas, being able to craft stuff, drawing. They could easily win all the supporters they've lost back and outgrow me by LARGE merit if they apologised, admitted mistakes and committed to cultivating positive emotions, discussions and content. It is basically so easy and it is so much cringe to take so many Ls because of jealousy and obsession?
#personal#ask replies#/drama#honestly? positive emotions are STRONGER#they're harder to create yes#but the last time i got pissed at a bad g3hrman take for example?#i combated it not with vaguepost but with creating a very wholesome poll about him that everyone liked#i am slowly turning into local toxic positivity freak i know but:#my depressed ass found it more helpful to react at the takes i hate by nurturing my takes#hate a ship? post headcanons about a ship you prefer instead!#hate a character? utilize their 'awfullness' in a fanfic or fanart or boost the character you do like#hate a take? write an essay with your counter-take without vagueblogging#why waste time and energy on a person you already 'defeated' instead of rebuilding what you've lost to do that?#my friends told me there is a demand for 'moral victory' too because i still enjoy my videogame and mutuals#and like that's against the rules i guess? hell if i know anymore#like... okay keep convincing yourself that you are harming me for 'a good cause'.#because admitting how much of a mess you've made and how untrue your accusations were would crash the narcissist won't it?#i tend to make enemies whose whole problem is them figuring out they misjudged me but they NEED to stay in denial#that person literally never admits their mistakes - not in regards to people nor in fandom/headcanons stuff#even though doing so would only paint them in a good light#dude. duuuuude. being 'always right' just makes you look like a prick. admitting mistakes attracts hella more simps trust me
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sarawritestories · 3 months
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Unwavering Presence Chapter 4
Cassian X Archeron Sister (Reader)
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Summary: Y/N comes to after being attacked and formerly meets the inner circle. Cassian and Y/N finally begin training, and he shows her around what he calls the heart of the Night Court.
Content Warning: Nightmares, flashbacks to under the mountain, Fluff
Word Count: 4.1
Chapter 3 Masterlist
A/N I want to take this moment to say thank you for all the love and support on this story! I am so grateful for you all! It honestly makes my day with every like and comment and reblog that I see! I hope you enjoy this chapter as we finally get some good Cassian X Reader quality time!
The Naga approached the sound of them slithering close causing me to whimper. One gripped my bound arms tightly from behind me, its dry tongue sliding up the column of my neck. The other gripped my breast tightly eliciting a shriek from the back of my throat. “A delicious treat, brother. Just for us.”
I begged for Rhysand to help, prayed he would make it in time. As the creature in front of me gripped my face puckering my lips as he pressed his to my own. I thrashed against them as hard as I could, but they were stronger than me.
Rhysand’s voice came clear as day but instead of sending help it was just my name.
“Y/N! Y/N!”
“Wake up, Y/N.” My eyes blinked open and violet eyes came into focus. Calloused hands grazed my damp cheeks, wiping away the tears. “It was just a Nightmare, Angel.” I sat up as he released my face and moved toward the edge of the bed. I looked behind him to find the chair Cassian was sitting in the night before empty and I tried to dampen my disappointment that he had left sometime after I had fallen asleep. Rhys looked to me, “Shields up, Y/N.” I jolted him and worked on building that wall around my mind as the High Lord continued, “I sent Cassian off this morning to run some errands for me. He put up a fight about before he left though.” He gave me a smile.
There was a comfort knowing that he stayed with me, but other thoughts whirled in my brain I sighed and rubbed my face, “Rhys, what happens now? Also where are we?”
“You’re in my townhome, this is where I reside normally. You were staying in what we call the House of Wind.” Rhys’ smile fades, “As for what happens next, there are two options we can take due to the fact you’re still human. The first, would be that we can send you back to the human lands and you would be able to be with your sisters.” I bit my lip as he prattled on, “Or option two, you become a member of the Night Court as my human emissary.” He grips my hand, “In my opinion, not that you asked for it, I would hope you would like to pick option 2. I would pay you well and you would be able to see Feyre every month. Not to mention, I like having you around.” I gave him a small smile and his eyes held unspoken emotion. “You remind me of someone I knew long ago, she would have loved you.” A tear slid down his perfect cheek.
I squeeze his hand, and with my free on wipe the tear from his cheek, “She must have been really special, if just mentioning her has this reaction. One day when you’re ready I would love to hear more about her.” I pause, “Especially all the reasonings as to why she would love me.” He laughed a boisterous laugh, and I was happy to take his sadness away.
When he stopped, he asked, “One day huh? Does that mean you would like to stay?”
“Yes, I would like to stay.” My stomach rumbled.
“We can discuss logistics and details on your position after we have gotten food in your stomach.” He rose. “There are clothes in the closet, Mor has already claimed you for the afternoon to go shopping.”
I quirked a brow, “So you knew I would say I wanted to stay?”
“No.” He opened the door and gave a playful smirked, “I was, however, hopeful that you would want to. Get dressed and come down to the stairs I’ll introduce you to everyone, formally.” With that he closed the door. I took a moment to look out at the window and gasped at the beauty of the city I am staring at. The sunrise coated the city in various shades of pink and orange the sun glimmering on the river as soft waves flowed down stream.
I got out of bed and discarded the nightgown I was gifted and put on the Teal sundress that had sheer sleeves and flowed down to my knees. I placed my hair up in a simple bun and walked down the stairs. Laughter erupted and I followed the sound I found a dining room that has almost every seat filled all for one that was in between Mor and Azriel. There was a short female with short black hair and mesmerizing silver eyes that rolled her eyes at the laughter and her eyes met mine. “Well, well, well, appears someone is awake.”
The laughter dies down, and all eyes turn on me and I rub the back of my neck, “Hi.” I whispered. Mor shot up and ran over to where I was and almost tackled as she wrapped me in a bone crushing hug.
“I’m so happy you’re staying with us.”  Mor squeezed causing a squeak to come out of me.
“Mor, let her go you’re going to crush her.” The low timbre of Cassian caused me to meet his gaze and he gave me a smile and a playful wink as Mor released me mumbling the word asshole under her breath. She led me to the seat next to her and I gave Azriel a smile, he simply nodded his head.
“Okay as promised, formal introductions. You know Mor, obviously,” He points to Azriel, “This is Azriel, the Night Court’s Spymaster and our very own shadowsinger,” I looked to Azriel whose shadows swirled around him as if a part of him and he puffed his chest slightly a sense of pride of his High Lord’s words. “The tiny angry looking one over there is my Second in command, Amren.” She doesn’t look phased by how she’s introduced and raises her goblet to me and takes a sip. “Last but certainly not least, the General of the Night Courts armies, Cassian. Though I believe you two have been acquainted.” My head snaps at Rhys’ who gave us both a shit eating grin.
“Sorry, Princess, I may have told them about that night we met.” My eyes met the General’s hazel ones his face had a flush on them as he smiled.
I grabbed a croissant from the platter in front of me and took a bite, and gave him a smile, “That’s alright, General.” I took another bite as two puzzle pieces clicked together and I ask, “Are you still willing to train me?” I avert my gaze and pick at the pastry.
“Any reason why I wouldn’t want to?” He asked, the table has fallen to an uncomfortable silence awaiting my answer.
Flashes of last night whirl through my head, of how I couldn’t even push the Naga away from me. Before I’m able to catch it, a tear falls then another, and sobs unleash until I can’t stop them. I cover my face and let it wrack out of my system. I feel Mor’s hand rubbing my back and can feel a talon on my mental shields of Rhys trying to get me to let him in. Then there is the scraping of the chair, sound of large boots. Mor’s touch vanishes as my chair is gently pulled back. Large hands grip my wrist and give them a light tug as the sobs continue, as I meet Cassian’s face, there was no judgement or pity, if anything there was an underlying rage there. He grips my hands tightly as if to remind me that I’m safe and that nothing would harm me. I look at the table and everyone gazes hold the same sentiment.
“Look at me, Y/N,” Cassian softly ordered, I face him once more and his thumb is rubbing soothing circles and my heartrate spikes. “I promise, I will make sure that you will never feel powerless again. You were ambushed last night; you were wounded and left out to fend for yourself, no one here thinks that you are weak because of it.” He wiped the tears from my face. “Would you like to start today?”
I nodded my head, and he gave me a beautiful grin, “Wonderful, we can get you some training gear and you can meet me outside after we eat. Okay?” I nod again, and he squeezes my hands before letting them go and instantly missed the warmth they provided.  As he stands pushes a free strand of hair from face and tucks it behind my ear, “You know what happened last night wasn’t your fault right?”
I bit my lip, “Maybe if I wasn’t so confrontational with Tamlin.”
“Don’t even finish that sentence, Girl,” Amren spoke for the first time since I entered the room, and everyone stilled. I met her gaze it was as if her irises were swirling with silver liquid, “Tamlin, is a coward and fool. He feeds off feeling superior over the weak.” Her red lips formed a smirk, “You weren’t willing to bend to him and challenged him. He simply used the one thing he had on you. The simple fact that your human. Make no mistake that Tamlin is the worm here.”
I tilted my head at her, and let her words really sink in and I blurted out, “You’re Stunning.” Heat immediately racing up my cheeks. Amren’s eyes widened a fraction as the table filled with laughter at the immediate shift in mood.
Amren smiled and tipped her head to me, “Likewise, girl, I think you’ll fit right in.”
Breakfast went on, and Rhys shared what my duties at Emissary would be, and he provided me with some fighting leathers that hugged every curve of my body. I made my way outside to find that Cassian was stretching, in his usual leathers with those gems on across his body. With the mid-day sun, he looked like one of the old gods long forgotten. He was beautiful, and the way he moved as he practiced made him lethal. His wings twitched, and his spine went rigid. He turned in my direction, “Right on time.”
I walked toward him, feeling disoriented by the heavy boots Rhys had given me. “What are these gemstones? If you don’t mind me asking.”
He smiled and I decided that I would never get tired of him smiling, his whole face lit up when he did the gesture showing genuine happiness there. “They’re called siphons they harness my power to make it easier to control. They are earned during this thing called the Blood Rite, an Illyrian tradition but I won’t bore you with the details about why we do it, or their backwards beliefs of them. Not today anyway.”
“Well, another time, I’ve never heard about Illyrians before. They are not talked about much in the history of the fae we’re taught back in the human lands.” I walk past him to where he was practicing, “I’m also a sucker for a good story.”
“Well, when I can steal you for more than an hour. You can ask me all the questions you would like.”
I crossed my arms, “Why would you have to steal me?”
Cassian quirked a brow, “You have met Mor, correct? She has not shut up about wanting to spend time with you.”
“Hmm. Well, I will need someone to show me around. Where are we exactly? As I know this is Rhys’ town home, but I’ve never seen a city as beautiful as this. Well, I’ve never really ventured far from our small cottage anyway.”
Cassian made a few strides toward me, “We’re in Velaris, the city of Starlight. I personally think it’s the heart of the Night Court.”
“I can’t wait to explore.” I was acutely aware of how close Cassian had gotten, leather and sandalwood infiltrating my nose. “So will you show me around?”
“Sure. Though you’ll break Mor’s heart.” Cassian joked and caused me to smile, “Alright, Archeron,” I turned to him and gone was the playful face is gone. Replaced with the serious gaze of a General. “Let’s get started.”
Cassian had me show him what Rhys had been teaching me and showed me some more stretches before he asked me how I would punch someone. I clenched my fist and Cassian immediately shook his head. “No, Princess, you hit someone like that you’re going to hurt yourself more than your opponent.” He came up and grabbed my hand. He opened my hand he began folding my hand where the tip of my fingers was tightly placed in the base of my palm. He then places my thumb over my index finger. “There, this will protect your fingers and give you the best chance of hurting someone instead of yourself.” He walks behind me and raises both fists and nudges my legs with his own to get me in the perfect stance my heart was racing at the mere touch and proximity of him. “Tomorrow we’ll go over exactly the best stance to throw a punch and keep your balance but standing like this,” He whispered in my ear and chills ran down my warm body. He moves my arm in a punching motion, his other hand on my waist twisting to move with the punch. He does it a few more times and after the fifth time he releases his grip and has me do those movements on my own. I could feel his eyes on me as I kept repeating the motion until he held up his hand. “Very good. I think we’ll call it for the day.”
I nodded and he walked over to hand me some water. “Thanks.” I sipped the water, and he drank some from his own cup. He grabbed my cup and placed it down with his. He pointed to the floor, “On your back, Princess.”
My face heated and I’m sure my cheeks were pink, “Why?”
Cassian smirked, “I’m going to help you stretch, its important to stretch the muscles so you’re not sore tomorrow.” He crossed his arms, “What were you thinking about?”
I huffed and followed his order to lay on my back. “I was thinking about nothing, grow up.”
Cassian knelt his hand rubbing my calf with a smirk, “I’m quite grown up, thank you. I’m over 500 years old.” My eyes widened at the fact as he bent my knee and pushed my leg toward my chest, the muscles stretched, and I bit my lip to suppress a moan.
“That feels divine.” I whisper and I hear a low chuckle as the General moved to the other leg. He met my eyes as he pushed back my leg, and I could not hold the moan this time. I covered my mouth as he placed my leg down and massaged my calves. “I’m so sorry.”
Cassian looked like he wasn’t breathing his eyes holding something like yearning there but shook his head and waved me off, “Don’t worry about it, Princess. It’s a natural reaction,” He pat my legs and rise to his feet. He holds his hand out to me, and I take it he lifts me up with ease and releases my hand. “Good job today, we’ll pick up tomorrow.”
Rhys walked outside and tucked his hands in his pockets, “Mor, sadly had to go do her job and has left for a few days. So, your shopping spree has been put on hold.” Rhys shrugged, “I could take you around, and give you a tour of the city if you would like.”
I looked to Cassian, “If you don’t mind Rhys, could your General take me?” Cassian smiled and draped an arm around my shoulders. “If you don’t mind, Cass.”
“I don’t mind,” Cassian looked at Rhys, “Do you mind if I steal her?”
Rhys smirked, “Not at all. Have fun you two.”
The two of us parted ways to bathe and change. A midnight blue top and matching pants were prepped for me as I came out of the bath, and I placed it the top on used to the slight mid drift. I placed my hair fall in its natural curls and placed it on moon pin in my hair and slipped on a pair of silver slip on shoes. I walked down to the front door to find Cassian, wearing a casual shirt with a leather jacket and pants. His wings were relaxed and tucked close behind him and his hair was in a half up bun.
He looked up as he heard my footsteps coming down the stairs, “Well you clean up nicely,” I teased elbowing him. He smiled and rolled his eyes at me.
 Cassian’s eyes lingered on my outfit and back up to my eyes. “I could say the same about you, Princess.” He opened the door, and the late afternoon breeze tickled my skin, “Ready to go?”
I nod, and he lays a hand on my back and guides me out of the front door. Once he shut the door behind me, we were off. Cassian and I walked the busy streets of Velaris. We went into various shops looking at clothes and different works of art. I stopped when we were at a vendor selling various paintings. My heart sank, Feyre had not painted in months, and I doubt after yesterday she’ll ever want to. I would do anything if it meant that she would want to paint again. If I ever see her. Calloused hands grazed my neck and brought me out of my thoughts, “Where’d you go?”
“I want Feyre to paint again,” I whispered, “She loved to paint after we came out of Under the mountain she just wouldn’t. Now with last night will I be the reason she never paints again?” I cross my arms and I walk past the paintings, “I don’t know if I could live with myself if that were the reason.”
Cassian gripped my elbow, “Y/N, Feyre has her own healing journey to take, her reasons, for doing or not doing something are her own, you don’t need to shoulder responsibility for someone else’s grief.”
I give him a small smile and give his hand a pat, “Thanks Cas, but my job was always to protect her, and I took pride in securing that small ounce of peace she would get when painting. I would sneak money just to make sure she had enough paint.” I kept walking Cassian meeting my stride his wing flared and wrapped slightly around me almost protectively. “I was like that for Nesta and Elain I always made sure anything they wanted books for Nesta or plants for Elaine, tensions were high a majority of the time, I just tried to keep the peace and made sure everyone was happy and safe.”
Cassian was quiet as we approached a bookstore, and I gripped his arm with an excited squeal, “Can we go in here?” Cassian nodded and opened the door for me, and the smell of books and a thin layer of dust fills my nose and i couldn't contain my smile. I walk up and down the aisle, looking at all the stories. Cassian was a silent yet steady presence behind me. There was a portion of the store that had various leather-bound notebooks.”  
“What about you?” I turned to Cassian my brows furrowed. “Feyre has painting, Nesta reading, and Elain had gardening. What did you like to do?”
I bit my lip and shrugged, “Protecting my sisters I guess.” I grazed the top on a journal, “I never really had the time to do anything, if I wasn’t chopping wood, or helping Feyre hunt, or trying to make money. I didn’t have time for hobbies.”
Cassian frowned and guilt washed over me for taking his smile away, “If you did have the time what would you have liked to do.”
I lifted a Journal and flipped through the blank pages, “Don’t laugh.” I looked at him, “I would have loved to write. Even if I didn’t know how to write, I would have loved to tell stories. The kind of heroes and villains and romance things that Nesta would read to me when I was small.” I placed the journal down and shrugged. “Just a silly little dream.” I give him a smile one to hide the lingering sadness. “Enough about that, I’m hungry.” Cassian’s frown deepened clearly seeing my deflection.
“I’ll be out in a minute. Rhys ironically enough wanted me to see if they had a book in stock. “ I nodded my head and walked out of the store. I looked out at the river and quickly walked over and leaned against the railing to stare out at the sea. The sun is beginning to set and enjoy the scenery around me. Soft waves crashed amongst the bridge, and the scent of the water spray filled the air. It was peaceful and serene.
I was entranced by its beauty that I didn’t even hear Cassian approach, his hand on back caused me to jump and turn. “Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you.”  He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck.
“I’m sorry for being a little jumpy. Did they have the book you needed?” I asked as he offered his arm for me to take, leading us to a little restaurant in an area he called earlier the rainbow.
Cassian shook his head, “No but I did find something else that piqued my interest.” He grabbed out of his pocket the leather-bound journal I was holding in the store and handed it to me, it felt as though the air had been sucked out of my lungs.
“Cassian-“
He interrupted me, “You may find that you have more free time here, you have worked hard to make sure your sisters were able to keep their hobbies. You should be able to explore something that interests you.” He gave you a smile “Plus I know there is one person for sure who would love to read whatever stories you come up with.”
I stopped, tears pooling in my eyes, “Cassian, I can’t repay you for this.”
Cassian also stopped, his hazel eyes warm and shining bright, “It’s a gift, Princess. Nothing to be repaid.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, “Thank you, Cass.”
He chuckled and wrapped his arm around me. “You’re welcome, now let’s go get something to eat.” He pulled away and looped my arm with his once more and led us to dinner. At dinner he shared some stories of how he and Rhys met and how they met Azriel how they have been friends for centuries and in turn I told him of all the trouble Feyre and I used to get in before we lost our fortune and when it was over we fell into comfortable silence on the walk home.
Music played on the bridge, and it caused me to pause in my tracks. I gripped Cassian’s arms as my mind went back to late nights under the mountain.
Feyre had fallen asleep after sobbing, and I was still in the corner tears stained my face. The feeling of hopelessness taking over. I wish I had told Nesta and Elain how much I loved them before we left. I tucked my head into my knees and sobbed. Beautiful melody flooded my eardrums, something that held hope and happiness. Images flashed against in my mind of a beautiful orchestra on a bridge over river. The night sky was breathtaking as if they were swirling and dancing to the melody of the music. My eyes grew heavy as the melody hit the crescendo. I laid my head back and let the music sweep me into a peaceful slumber.
My breathing was labored, “Hey, hey, hey,” Cassian’s hand cupped my cheek, “what is it?”
“Rhys...he played this music in my head to help me sleep Under the Mountain.” Tears were streaming down my face clutching the journal Cassian bought me, “He was letting me know I wasn’t alone when I was convinced Feyre, and I weren’t coming out alive. He was showing me this band a piece of his home.”
Cassian eyes gleamed silver as well, “He’s annoyingly a good friend like that.” He looked over at the band as I chuckled, “Would you like to stay and listen for a little bit?”
“Please.” I whispered and he lowered his hand from cheek, but I reached out and laced my fingers with his. He tucked his wing around me to block the wind as we stood and listened to the music that kept me from breaking under the mountain.
Chapter 5
Story Tags: @hellodarling1357 @hnyclover @waytoomanyteenagefeels @amara-moonlight @impossibelle @esposadomd @sleepylunarwolf @stressed-reader @kylaisra @marvelouslovely-barnes @magicstrengthandcourage @spideytingley @awkardnerd @donttellthecats @tastydewdrops @vermillionwinter @asweetblueberry2 @bunnyredgirl @homeslices @azriels-mate2 @oksloan3 @wallacewillow0773638 @fandom-crashlanding @writingstreetspirit @hannzoaks @minnieloo @tuggboatfishin @judig92 @atrxidxs @dustyinkpages @secretlyhers @mxblobby @blogforficslol @historygeekqueen
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absolutekillswitch · 4 months
Text
no alarms and no surprises (please)
pairing: luke castellan x thanatos!reader
tw: major TLO spoilers (honestly tho if u haven’t read it yet, begone), major character death, discussions of blood and death, Luke was reader’s first kiss, mentions of past manipulation, lots of crying, and also i made [REDACTED] take way too long to die for the sake of dialogue. Sorry. Also! she/her pronouns are used, but I tried to steer clear of descriptors outside of that so this SHOULD be woc friendly
word count: 3.4k
It was cruel, this end he was facing. Y/N had felt it long before she’d seen it, that deep intrinsic tug within her, that sixth sense that had begun to go haywire since New York had fallen asleep, since the final countdown for western civilization had officially started running. The tug that alerted her to a new death in her vicinity. The curse bore by the children of death, the chained god, to feel the string of fate being cut, to sense lost souls being carried to the underworld by their father. To mourn, but not to see. She’d never felt it as frequently as she did now, feeling like threads tugging her in countless directions, so much so that her aim with her sword was affected. She’d been coined the best swordsman back at camp, after the previous titleholder had vacated the position, but now, it was like she was jittery, like a newborn zebra with a sword in their grasp, trying to learn how to stand and fight all at once, her battle senses being overridden by the unavoidable emotional pain of the fact that every tug she was feeling, was the feeling of a fellow demigod dying.
But then she’d felt that one.
The strength of this particular tug wasn’t lost on her. It was stronger than any she’d faced yet— stronger than the tugs of those she’d slain herself, and stronger than the tugs of those who had been close to her, when they were alive. It was so strong that the metaphysical tug had felt like a real, physical one, like she was physically being pulled in its direction. The proof of it is the crude slash on her forearm, where the kid she’d been fighting back had gotten a lucky shot on her due to her presently distracted nature.
It had to have been him.
She wasn’t sure just who she’d been fighting, and in the end, she doesn’t think it really mattered all that much, if they were a former camper; a demigod, or if they were an armored monster, as with a wave of her hand, the ground rumbles, opening up under their feet, boney, decayed hands dragging them into the earth, only for the ground to close up on them halfway through their forced descent. Y/N didn’t even notice, nor did she really care. All she knew was that she’d put an end to her own fight, allowing her feet to carry her to his side, numbness flooding her body, with a whispered command to her undead soldiers,
“Protect them.”
She’s not even sure how she found him, exactly. She’d just always been able to find him like that. Now seemed to be no exception to the rule, as she followed what she would consider to be the string of fate to his side. The sight she sees when she does is an unwelcome one, however. There’s three of them— she sees Percy and Annabeth crowded around a figure on the ground. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it is.
“Oh, Gods,” Y/N whispers, hesitating to get closer. She doesn’t know if she can. At the sound of her voice, Percy turns. He looks pale, eyes ringed in red. It looks like he’d been crying, exhausted, eyes wide, as if he were afraid he’d collapse if he even blinked. Y/N wouldn’t blame him, if he did.
“Y/N—“ He hesitates to speak, to try and explain, but Y/N doesn’t let him. She’s already marching over, ignoring the dread building in her gut, the tears in her eyes. And that’s when she sees him.
“Luke,” She whispers, the single word bordering on a gasp. Internally, she’s vaguely aware that this is the first time she’d used his name in years, preferring to call him by his last name, or traitor, at best, or whatever random curse she could think of at the time, at worst. She’d gotten pretty good at it, honestly— the coming up with insults to hurl at him every time they’d crossed paths since his betrayal. But now, all of that is gone. It seems that at that moment, Annabeth and Percy disappeared. It’s just them as she crumbles, falling to her knees before he can even protest. It’s him, not Kronos, she knows. They’d all learned how to tell the difference between the two, when Kronos had taken Luke’s face. Kronos had a colder air about him, eyes golden. Just pure evil that seeped into your bones, that seemed to change even the people around you. But this? This was Luke Castellan. Soft, soulful brown eyes, and a welcoming air about him. This was the guy who had been like all of Camp Half-Blood’s big brother. This was the guy Y/N had been in love with ever since she’d arrived at camp, even if she realized it far too late. Even if he was currently trying to get Percy to make her leave, not wanting her to see him like this. Never like this. Her eyes take stock of his appearance against her will. He looked just as bad as Percy did— worse, actually, given he was bleeding, Annabeth’s knife clattering from his hand to the marble below him. It makes her heart ache, the picture in front of her painted so clearly, even if she hadn’t been present to see it herself.
A hero’s soul, cursed blade shall reap.
They’d realized what the prophecy meant, clearly. Luke had to be the one to take Kronos— and to an extent, himself— out. And when Luke had done it, when he’d touched his own Achilles heel, Kronos had run. So now, Luke Castellan was dying. Alone.
Well— not alone.
She was still here. She always would be, even if he’d insist otherwise. He hated how she always had made him want to be a better person. Even now, as he lay dying, covered in sweat, blood, and ash. If she tries hard enough, she can almost pretend that they’re back at camp, that they’d had an extremely rough day playing capture the flag, that the pair of them are in the infirmary, making up ridiculous stories for the scars they’ll have as a result of their adventure, shedding tears from their short lived pain in the name of glory but laughing anyway as they stitched each other up, letting the Apollo kids deal with those who didn’t have someone to back them up like Y/N and Luke did— someone to dote on them, and someone to dote on in return. But it gets hard, keeping up this fantasy. They’re both far too battle-worn, both with eyes that had seen far too much, faces years older than they were the last time they’d seen each other. And in spite of it all, all she can find herself thinking is,
‘Oh, love, you grew up without me’.
“You shouldn’t be here.” Luke tells her plainly, his brown eyes fighting to focus on her through his tears that he’s fighting to push back. Had they always done that?
“Yet I’m here anyway. Deal.” She responds, brows furrowing, focusing on the wound in his side. Prophecies be damned, she won’t let him die. He sits up straighter, slumped uncomfortably against a marble wall at the sudden pressure to his side, the daughter of Thanatos trying to staunch the blood flow, trying to give him more time, tears clouding her own vision, hands shaking. She knows deep down that it’s all in vain, but she won’t let him go. Not like this. She’ll fight her father back herself, if she had to.
“Y/N…” He whispers uncomfortably, hating how blood spurts past his lips, onto his chin, as he utters her name. He’s going to die, he knows, he can almost feel the fates beginning to prepare to cut his thread, but there’s some things he can’t leave unsaid. “My— my heart, it was always yours. You know that, right?” He notices how she flinches, expression troubled. “Take care of it, for me. I know you’ll do better with it than I ever had.” It’s true— his entire time at camp, since she’d arrived, he’d stupidly ignored it. He let hate and anger and jealousy cloud his mind for so long, he never really appreciated what was in front of him. It was just unfortunate it was taking his death to realize that.
“Don’t— don’t say that, not to me,” she sobs, shaking hands still covering his wound, stupidly, naively, believing she could still save him. “Don’t make it sound like you’re dying. You’re not dying, damn it,” she still sounds determined, one hand leaving his wound to touch his face, holding his cheek, accidentally staining it with his own blood. “Don’t— don’t leave me here, please, I just got you back,” she pleads, glassy eyes blurring with tears. She thinks, honestly, that this is the first time she’s talking to just Luke, free of Kronos’ influence, since he’d stolen that lightning bolt from Olympus years ago. It’s the Luke she remembers, the one she so sorely missed.
He laughed quietly, reaching up to touch her fingers. Even now, as she was sobbing over him, unable to look him in the eye, she’s the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Her lips were so plump — as if made to be kissed, even in this moment of peril. “The gods might not want me, but I’m glad they’ve given you to me,” he whispered, squeezing her hand in his again. “I’m dying, Y/N. You can’t save me.” This makes her squeeze her eyes closed, shaking her head lightly, as if she isn’t listening. She isn’t, not really.
“No, nononono— stop that,” She cries, her eyes squinting shut in an effort to banish her tears, but it doesn’t work. “I’m— I’m the daughter of Thanatos, damn it, what good am I if I can’t do this? If I can’t keep just one person alive?” She seems to be talking mostly to herself, not giving up her mission on keeping him with her. Not after everything that’s been said, not with everything that’s being left unsaid. “I know this isn’t what I do, that I’m not a fucking sunshiney Apollo kid who can heal someone on a whim. But this is kinda my thing, is it not? Just… Just one. Please, let me save just this one. I’ll never ask for anything again.” She’s looking up at the sky— praying, it looked like, while blinking away her own tears. She couldn’t remember the last time she prayed to the gods for anything, but she was now. To anyone who would listen, though Luke gets the sneaking suspicion she’s talking to her father. The one she blamed, for being unable to save anyone. She couldn’t heal, the best she could do was sit by and watch.
Luke laughed again, but it’s humorless— and it was so cruel, to die when he could feel his heartbeat quickening as Y/N was so close, her lips so near to his, her eyes so lovely. He wished he could kiss her right now, in this moment, on the marble floor, with blood running over his fingers and the dagger still next to them.
“Y/N, promise me one thing?”
“Anything,” Y/N nods softly, her attention turning back to him. She hates how the simple act of saying her name still affected her so much, after all this time. Her tears were cutting through the grime on her face from a hard fought battle, covered in her own and the blood of others, trembling. Still, she finds it in her to make a promise to the dying boy she loved. “Anything. Just—“ she drifts off, nodding, knowing they don’t have time. Luke took a breath, his eyes fluttering shut. For the first time in his life, he genuinely felt like a young man. A teenage boy, holding his girlfriend's hand and wanting nothing but her to keep safe. For a moment, he can pretend. But only for a moment. His breath hitched, and slowly, he felt the life fading from his body — as if it was being drawn from him like water in a cup. He hesitates to speak, but knows he’s running out of time. He can feel it, being sapped from his bones. But in spite of that, he’s not… afraid. He isn’t angry. He almost isn’t even in pain. He thinks it’s her, that it’s Y/N’s aura as a daughter of Thanatos, that no one in her vicinity will feel pain, a divine remainder of her father’s power flowing in her veins, the guide to the underworld, before they’d meet the ferryman. A walking shot of morphine. He’s heard stories from his spies, about how when Camp would lose a camper during their fight with Kronos— with him—, Y/N would stay with them until they passed, holding their hand, telling stories, bringing them peace, so they would go out with a kind face. Much like she was doing now, for him. The Thanatos of the waking world, the guiding light to death. It’s much more than he deserves, and he knows it.
"Promise me.... you'll meet me again... at the River Styx," He whispered.
“I’ll find you in Elysium.” She promises softly through sniffles, brushing his hair out of his face, a forced soft smile on her own face. She wants him to go out peacefully, wants to remember her smiling, even if she wants to scream at the sky and cry until she couldn’t breathe anymore. She’d been pretty good at it, feigning calmness and serenity with the campers they lost on their own side. It made their passing easier. But this? With him? She doesn’t know if it does. He’d always been far too good at reading her, for that. “I swear it, on the Styx, that I’ll find you in Elysium.” She sounds sure of herself, that even after everything he’d done, he’d earned a hero’s afterlife. That’s what the prophecy said, after all, right? Somehow, she knows she, too, will find herself with a hero’s death. Life wouldn’t be so kind to allow her to die of old age. She’d die hard, with a sword in her hand, and anger in her heart. Luke's eyes flickered open to meet the softness of hers, of lips he wanted to taste, of skin he wanted to cover with kisses. For a moment, he allowed himself the luxury of mourning the future he could’ve had with this girl, if he hadn’t been so hellbent on his never ending quest for glory.
Kleos. The word feels like poison, now. Maybe it always had been.
"No —" He whispered, head shaking lightly, "I won't be in Elysium. I’ll go to Asphodel—" He choked. That's where he'd likely be, being punished for his treason. It’s the least he deserved, after everything he’d done. "— and then the Fields of Punishment. But promise me... that you will wait for me, at the River."
“No,” Y/N shakes her head, adamant. He should probably take her word for it— she’s the daughter of the god of death, after all. She had a sense for these things. “Elysium. I’m sure of it. You’ve earned it.” She promises, tone soft. She doesn’t mention how she’d never let her father live it down if anything else took place. She’d tear Hades apart herself, find his soul and bring him back, somehow. Like Orpheus and Eurydice, except she’d succeed. “Regardless— it doesn’t matter. I’ll always find you. No matter where you are, I’ll find you. I swear it.”
He laughed, and it was a sad one. He was so weak, so very weak, his eyes flickering once more, his hand squeezing hers as tightly as he could, wanting to burn her imprint into his flesh. "You are so stubborn, you know that? You always have been," he whispered. Images flash through his mind against his will— her face, always her face. When she’d learned of his betrayal, then later when he’d attempted to sway her to his side. When they would train together in the arena— camp’s two best swordsmen. When she’d have nightmares, constant images of the dead trying to use her, both for her powers and as revenge on her father, who they felt claimed them from the mortal plane far too soon, to crawl their way back to the world of the living, and how, terrified of closing her eyes again, she’d crawl into his bed with him, the only place she felt safe enough to fall back asleep. When she’d kissed him for the first time, on her seventeenth birthday. Because ‘most demigods don’t get to make it to seventeen, so I’m making seventeen count’, as she’d put it. Then, later that night, after his surprise wore off, when he had kissed her. It pains him to think about how he’d only been manipulating her, back then. Had he loved her? Sure, but his mission always seemed more important at the time. He’d do it for them, he’d told himself. The gods would regret every unclaimed child, and every claimed child resigned to the Hermes cabin because they weren’t born with the luxury of having a parent that had a throne on Olympus, one of the big twelve. For kids like Y/N. His hand slipped from hers, and he couldn't bring himself to close his eyes. Instead, he'd watch her, as if he could lock her into his memory. "Will you... will you stay here with me, until my life..." He couldn't finish the sentence.
“Until the very end.” She promises softly, her voice cracking with the effort not to cry. She’d almost given up on trying to staunch the bleeding, one hand resting on his face, brushing languidly, lovingly, over his cheek, just around the edge of his scar. She’s not sure what possessed her in that moment, as she leans down, placing a soft, chaste, yet romantic kiss to his lips. After all, he’d been her first kiss, it felt fitting that she would also be his last. As she pulls away, she whispers against his lips, “I love you, Luke Castellan.”
He was breathless, the kiss like a dagger to the chest, biting deeper than the blade that will end up taking his life. In a matter of minutes, his heartbeat would skip its last beat, and her face will be the last he sees, the last thought on his mind. His hand came up to the back of her neck, holding her as he whispered in return, "... I love you too." He managed only that, before his heart failed him. He was gone, and he didn't make a sound.
Gone with a whimper, not a bang.
The blood that fell from his wound was now staining the pristine marble flooring beneath them, the last remnants of life and love, of devotion and betrayal. Y/N hoped that it would stain forever, a constant reminder of his sacrifice.
Y/N felt his final breath fan across her face, and she knew he was gone. Her eyes remained closed, steady tears rolling down her face, their foreheads pressed together. She can feel him growing cold as she sobs. “No,” She whimpers, his hands, now gone limp, still in hers. “No, please no—“ Vaguely, she’s aware of the rumbling of the ground under her feet, a telltale sign of her powers coming out to play, a throng of undead soldiers aching to burst past the earth’s mantle, to await her command. Her face screws up into an expression of anguish, though she forces the feeling down, knowing that if she didn’t reel in her own emotion, her legion of death wouldn’t hesitate to grab every demigod in her vicinity and drag them into the earth, to take their place in the afterlife. Maybe they’d take her, too. Maybe she hoped they would.
The thing about being the daughter of death, was that when a soul left a body and you were near enough to it, you could feel them leaving the mortal plane, accompanied by her father to the underworld. She could feel it, feel him, Luke’s soul leaving his body. She always did, with the campers they lost during the war, but this one hits too close to home. It’s a startling, chilling, terrifying feeling, that only makes her sob harder, knowing the boy she loved was now in her father’s hands, and out of her own. This was always the hardest part. “Take care of him for me, pops,” she whispers, voice trembling, knowing her father was with Luke’s soul right now, the pair watching over her mourning over Luke’s body. As that realization passes over her, she sits up straight, a ragged scream of mourning threatening to tear her vocal cords apart. In the background, she’s vaguely aware of the voice of Percy Jackson speaking,
“We need a shroud. A shroud for the son of Hermes.”
Notes: and with that, we’re done. This was super fun! I feel like I could go on forever about Luke x Grim Reader (I’m calling them deadwings/grimwings), and if there’s enough of a demand, I just might. Feedback is obviously appreciated !! Drink some water, hug a friend, and don’t forget to pirate PJO 🫶
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gavisuntiedboot · 11 months
Text
Just Pretend (Gavi x reader)
Part 8
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Epilogue
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Warnings: ANGST! Idk if it's actually that angsty but I made myself sad. Very very brief mentions of kind of hurting yourself but not really? I actually can't remember what I wrote so if I miss something that needs a warning pls lmk
Word Count: 16.0k (fun fact: if you've read the whole series, you've read 105 pages single space)
A/N: y'all it's literally almost 1 am but I need to start this before I get crucified by the cult following I have created with this series. GIF credit @gavidaily
"You... are considering leaving Barca?"
Xavi looked at you with one brow raised. The same girl that had been fighting for her position at the club just 6 weeks prior was now thinking of quitting her job?
"You know Miss y/l/n, we are about to lose Antonio, and with how hard we push our players, we need to retain the largest amount of medical talent possible. You know that we think extremely highly of you and your ability, which is why you were selected specifically for this role. What can we do to make the job here at Barça more compelling than that of other clubs?”
You took a deep breath. You knew this question was coming. You had worked jobs and been in negotiations before. It would be a lot more expensive for them to hire someone new than to just give in to what they predicted would be a demanded increase in pay.
You looked at your lap, sighing with the weight of the feelings you had carried for God knows how long. It had sat on your subconscious, but was now bubbling to the surface, too powerful to be stopped. “Honestly, mister, I don’t think there’s anything that can be done.”
There’s a funny thing about women letting go. Some people call it the severance theory. Men are heavily guided by their emotions, contrary to popular belief. In a fit of rage they are capable of anything: screaming, blows - any number of crimes of passion. So when an extreme emotion overcomes them, be it sadness or anger or fear, they can end a relationship suddenly. Once they return to a base state of logic, that’s when the crawling back and groveling begins. Because they come to realize that her absence is a stronger pain than whatever drove him away. They exist in binary states: zeroes and ones. Either hatred or love. They don’t understand gradients or in-betweens. They don’t understand that there is another person who must also decide to return to the relationship.
Women on the other hand are much more resilient. It’s why we find the most gorgeous muses with the slimiest excuses for boyfriends. A woman will fall in love not with what she sees, but rather what she hears. What she is told. All the flowery, lovely promises about a glowning future, that’s what she clings to in the midst of a gray and bleak present. The soft whispers of “I love you” and “I don’t know how I would live without you” act as bandages, plugging the gaping wounds left by his actions. But her resolve slips the longer those promises go unfulfilled. The longer those holes go unfilled. She begins to see the truth of her situation, and realizes that the road she’s skipped down is a dead end. She imagines once again. She thinks of all the possible ways that he could change and be the man she wants. She searches for glimpses of it in his words, his movement, his aura. She does the silliest, most foolish thing a woman can do: she hopes. She holds on until not even her delusions can be a comfort. She realizes that there is no way for her to be happy with this man. That’s when she finally leaves. There’s no groveling, no tears, no remorse. It’s a clean severance of dead weight. She’s empty, and it lightens her being enough for her to walk away. There is no way to save it. The bridge has been burned and she was gone forever.
The funny part was, this didn’t just apply to men. That’s the thing about emptiness: it consumes everything. Loneliness is a black hole that swallows every ray of light that it encounters. That was your life recently. No light and no joy - not even sadness. You couldn’t feel anything strongly anymore. You picked up little habits to try and feel. You heated your food to scalding temperatures just to feel the heat on your lips. Your showers were icy, the pinpricks distracting you from the desire to cry. You no longer felt strong anger or desire or really anything. The color was slowly draining from your life, grays and sepias replacing the once vibrant existence around you. The beauty around you had mangled into gnarly trees and threatening uncertainty as you foolishly waited for the sun to peak through. But it had abandoned you. The sun had taken its rays and warmth elsewhere, almost mocking you as you shivered in the dirt. So maybe it was time to crate your own light: burn down the forest and start anew.
“Nothing? La, that can’t be true Doctora.”
Your eyes shot up at the title. There was, in fact, one feeling that you still sensed: pain. You could still feel physically pain, and inflicted it on yourself often just to experience an emotion. But nothing could compare to the sharp stabs and dull aches that lived in your heart. It was hard to look at Gavi without feeling like you wanted to fall on your knees. Realizing that you were in love was not beautiful or romantic. It was torturous, like snakes and thorns taking home in your throat. Reality was the salt in the wound; the knowledge that you two were destined to fail before you had began was a pill too big to swallow, suffocating you instead.
“If I can be honest, mister, I don’t feel like I belong here at Barça. I’ve been here for six months and I still don’t feel like part of the team. Maybe it’s just not a good environment or fit for me. That’s not something that can be fixed with just a salary increase. I just can’t tell if this is the place for me.”
Xavi looked at you, bringing his elbows to rest on the table and interlocking his fingers. He wanted to adamantly refuse, but there was truth to what you said. It was evident that there was a disconnect between you and the general environment of the team. You were close to some of the younger players, but had difficulty gaining the trust and respect of the older crowd and the medical staff. Your ideas for treatment were too modern - too far removed from what everyone else was used to. Hell, you were upsetting one of his players, and that was the opposite of your job as the support staff. But he would by lying if he said you weren't effective. The plan for Dembele that you had first presented got the striker back on the field weeks earlier than any other predictions. Your diligent maintenance had prevented players from getting injured as often, keeping the ones you were closest to on a strict exercise regimen, ensuring their continuous improvement. He cared for his players and his club. And if you were the miracle cure to keeping them healthy and playing, then he was going to keep you there, even if he had to tie you to the columns of Camp Nou.
"There must be something we can do to keep you. You're very familiar with the players and the equipment, as well as the workflow, and you're very good at your work. Hell, Gavi hasn't even had a cough since you started here, and he's quite accident-prone. Please let me know what I can possibly do to keep you with us."
"I really am not being shy or sneaky. I really have no demands. When then team heads to the UK for the game against Man U, I will visit the Chelsea facility and meet the staff. If I like what I see, I'll be moving there. I'm just... not happy here anymore."
There it was. The confession you had not even made to yourself. You were at the club of your dreams, living everything that your younger self had always wanted, and you just could not be happy. This was a disappointment that was hard to describe. Everyone always talks about shooting for the moon, but no one talks about what happens when you actually make it there. You work hard and your dreams become a reality: you're on the moon! But the moon is so, so far from Earth. And when you're cold and lonely and looking down on all of the people that could be loving you, then the moon doesn't seem so worth it anymore. When you realize the moon is just a rock, then what hope do you have left?
Thinking back, you recalled all the people that you pushed away to further your career goals. You think of the family gatherings and events that you missed to study and work. You think of all the friends you have lost touch with because they were never a priority. They were never smart or driven enough to keep up with you, and so they were left in the dust. You had a few, but none you could confidently say would pick up a call from you at 2am if you needed help. Boyfriends were even worse. Since your heartbreak in college, men had fallen to the wayside. You justified it to yourself, saying that you just needed to be successful, and you would attract someone at your level. Someone who wanted an equal. But here you were: alone, depressed, and thinking of running away from what you once thought was your life's purpose.
Before Xavi could respond, a loud thud from the hallway distracted the two of you, followed by shouts that chilled your blood.
"Gavi!"
You were out of your seat in seconds. There was no force that could stop you, feet and hands moving on their own accord as you entered the hall and laid eyes on the body on the floor. There was no air in your lungs or your larynx to make a sound, let alone scream.
Why was Gavi on the floor?
Your hearing was shot, like you were underwater. The faces of those surrounding were panicked, and all eyes were on you, shouts and points and calls for action flying straight over your head.
Why was Gavi on the floor?
Your stomach was twisting itself into elaborate knots, coiling tighter while pushing the bile further up your throat. Your eyes went in and out of focus, willing the scene in front of you to disappear. You blinked hard hoping for the image to change when your eyes opened again.
Why was Gavi on the floor?
"Doctora, please look at Pablo - he collapsed suddenly and we need to make sure he doesn't have a head injury. Move!" It was Antonio's hands on your shoulders and shouts that finally got you to move from your frozen position.
Kneeling over, Gavi looked even worse. His skin was pale, and he was crumpled like an aluminum can - limbs everywhere, like his life force had just abandoned him. You had to remove Gavi from the situation and pretend he was a practice dummy at school. You had to pretend he was plastic and rubber, because that's the only way you could go through head injury protocols with a calm mind. He couldn't be Pablo, because if he was, then the thought would have to fester in your head: Pablo was hurt when you had been distant. He was hurt because you had been distant. Worst case scenario, he could disappear from your life now, all because you hadn't been able to handle the proximity like a normal person. Your thoughts were spiraling now, painting scenarios of death and disease and making it even harder for you to stop the tremble in your hands.
But you had decided that his cold heap of flesh before you wasn't Gavi. It couldn't be. It wasn't even a person. You recited the head injury checklist under your breath: consciousness, breathing, vision, vomiting. Placing a hand on Gavi's neck, you felt a pulse, stopping you from performing CPR. The last thing you needed to do was unnecessarily crack a rib. You shook him several times, and received no response.
"Shine a light in his eyes!" "Shake him harder!" "Should we pour water on him? Get some water!" "You're not yelling his name loudly enough!"
You ignored the shouts of the peanut gallery, repeating the list like a mantra in your head. You would have time later to be angry at the staff for their utter uselessness in the situation, but right now, you just needed to keep going. Blood was pounding in your ears as you opened one of his eyelids. Consciousness, breathing, vision, vomiting. It snapped back into place, and Pablo's face was now in view. Other than his pale complexion, he looked perfectly at peace. His face was identical to the night you had spent sleeping next to him - sleeping atop him. His breathing was deep, as if he had spontaneously fallen asleep in the middle of the hallway. He was beautiful. And for the first time in days, it had allowed you to be filled with a warmth somewhat foreign to you now. Pablo was in your arms and beautiful, and you could not imagine how you were meant to go on with life seeing him every day and being denied this privilege. You didn't allow yourself to dwell on the thought. Breathing? Yes. Consciousness? No. That needed to be remedied.
"Pablo, if you can wake up now, it would be really helpful. Otherwise I'm going to have to cause you a lot of pain."
You waited for a response, but none came. You sighed deeply, moving your hands from the supple skin of his cheeks downwards, gripping the hem of his shirt and pulling it upwards, exposing the expanse of his chest. You made out the sounds of taunting and whistles, but they were promptly silenced by staff who reminded the crowd that this was not an appropriate moment for jokes. Forming a fist, you placed your knuckles on the center of Pablo's chest, pushing down and rubbing. Hard. His eyes shot open within seconds, and he threw your hand off, howling in pain. His breathing was shallow and panicked, vision erratic as teammates, coaches, and other staff all yelled questions and instructions at him.
"Everybody shut up! Let me do my job."
That was the voice he needed to hear. As the yells settled to murmurs, his breathing slowed and he began to see more clearly. His eyes fully focused on you, and it soothed the ache in his chest. His heart was racing faster than he had ever felt, causing Pablo to grab onto your shoulders to ground himself.
"Pablo, can you hear me?"
You were here. You were real. He could still hold you and feel you. He nodded slowly, not trusting himself to speak. The nausea that he had felt before he blacked out still lingered, and the last thing he wanted to do was projectile vomit on you. He flinched slightly at the feeling of your hand returning to his face, but settled quickly, listening hard to your instructions. There was nothing easier than focusing on the sound of your voice.
"Look at me." You said, shining a light in Gavi's eyes, checking for any hemorrhaging or internal bleeding. What a silly request, he thought to himself, squinting under the brightness. How could he look anywhere else when you were in the room? How could he ever tear his eyes from you? How could he waste a single second of you before him, especially with the prospect of you leaving at the end of the month looming?
"No bleeding. Are you experiencing any double vision?"
A headshake no. You instructed someone behind you to grab a bottle of water, and then turned back to Pablo.
"Good. What is your name?"
Gavi swallowed thickly, and took a deep breath before speaking. "My name is Pablo Gavi."
"Good. And who am I?"
"Ah don't worry, Doctora. Even with amnesia, I could never forget you." There was that stabbing feeling in your chest again. That feeling that accompanied Pablo's sweet words and kind eyes. The cold shard of reality that reminded you that he would fade away into an Instagram mutual in a matter of months.
"Alright, Gavi. No internal bleeding and no memory loss. We need to go through more of the concussion protocols and make sure you're okay, but we can do this in my office. Are you okay to stand?"
After a curt nod, you helped Pablo stand, and began walking with him towards your office. You informed Xavi of the next steps, and he told you to do whatever necessary to make sure his 'golden angry bird' was okay. But of course, you could never know a day of peace, as each one must be filled with the noise pollution that was Ferran's voice.
"If the door isn't open, just know that Pablito isn't moaning in pain." A round of snickers was heard from both players and staff. But before they had time to add on to the nasty comment, you swiveled around to face the group. You were seething with anger, and one very important realization came to the center of your mind.
You had nothing left to lose.
It was Pablo Torre who was closest to you, and he was the person that received the start of your wrath.
"What the hell are you laughing at? The fact that your teammate could have serious head trauma? Or at the fact that, with Gavi potentially out of commission, they might take you off the bench long enough for you to remember what grass feels like?"
He was silent instantly, eyes wide. He had never received words this harsh from anyone at the club. Or anyone not on Twitter. You turned to two more assistant physios, Luca and Gabriel, who stood next to him, still muttering to one another in hushed tones.
"And you two! Do you want to know why everyone has to rush and get me whenever someone hits their head? Because out of everyone here, I'm the only one that knows proper concussion protocols and how to identify trauma. I have more medical knowledge in my fingernail than in both of your heads combined. I have to take him to my office because you two are incompetent at your jobs! And instead of doing anything useful, this is how you occupy your time: slacking, cigarette breaks, speculating who I'm sleeping with, and doing absolutely jack shit when a player gets injured. So keep giggling like school girls. I can't wait to see you both giggling on the street corner while begging for spare change."
You held Gavi harshly, storming off to your office. Your speed and the bounce was making him nauseous, but he knew better than to speak in this moment. His chest had swelled with pride. He was patiently waiting for the day that you would put the guys in their place. None of them were bad people - it had just been a while since most of them interacted with a woman they didn't want to sleep with. Gavi loved that you were capable of defending yourself, but could not ignore the part of him that wanted to be the one to defend you.
Call it a toxic trait if you want, but Pablo had always taken pride in his ability to intimidate. He had eventually come to terms with the fact that he was done growing at a sweet 5'7, despite his desire to break at least 5'9 (because his friend Hanna at La Masia told him that was the shortest a girl would go for. Looking back, taking this information from a 5'10 female footballer was probably not the best idea he's ever had). It had taken a while, but after weeks of daily affirmations in the mirror about how short Messi was, he held his chin higher. Once he started receiving praise from fellow players, coaches, and media, Pablo gained more confidence in the fact that he could be part of the next generation of great Barcelona football. This allowed him to go up against any player with no worries or fear, winning headers against people with a foot of height on him. Pablo began building his upper body in the gym as well, compensating with strength. A broad and reckless teenager, there was almost no one he wasn't ready to take on.
He sensed that same quality in you as well: a desire to prove yourself, no matter the cost. But he didn't want you to. He never wanted to see you scowl or have to hear you yell (despite it being semi-hot). Pablo wanted to be your knight, whose sole purpose in life was making sure that you never experienced feelings but joy and pleasure. He wanted others to go through him before daring to speak to you. Because how could every person just have access to the beauty that is you? To the radiant soul and shimmering aura that fills the room? How could he be content with you shouldering the burdens of living in this world? Even if he never got to have you romantically, Pablo wanted to shield you from every harm in the world. And not a day went by when he didn't feel it.
This was one of those moments. He wished he was able to verbally berate Ferran for the garbage he spewed on a regular basis, but he could do nothing except let himself be dragged by you through the halls of the sports center until they reached your office, where he was promptly flung towards the exam table. He watched as you brought him your small office trash can, setting it beside the bed. He was brought back to your first month at Barca, when he had challenged you and been proven wrong. There was a confidence in yourself and your abilities that had dissipated from then to now. Pablo smiled stupidly as he remembered the excruciating pain and discomfort of trying not to throw up in front of the pretty physio. If only he had known then that it was nothing compared to the pain of holding back these feelings.
"Lay down on the bed. Look up at the ceiling. If you need to vomit, do it in there." You instructed curtly before moving to sit at your computer. Short nails clicked harshly against the raised keyboard, keys slamming down rapidly, sound reverberating around the room. Gavi wanted so desperately to flip over, lay on his stomach and stare at you. Just to see the curves of your face and the way your eyes reflected the light. But he looked up at the ceiling like you asked, more worried about pushing you further away than watching you type. He took several deep breaths. This didn’t feel like the last time he was concussed. Last time, he had felt his brain rattle against his skull, waves of nausea starting immediately. His head ad throbbed, spots forming on his vision. His jaw was clenched, and he could’ve sworn there was a crack down the center of his cranium, blood oozing out of it onto the practice pitch.
He remembered that day so vividly despite the head trauma. He had been livid, Ferran dragging him to a new and inexperienced physio. Gavi had interpreted it as sabotage to that Ferran could get the left wing back. And then he saw you. Angry that he was he wasn’t receiving treatment by the best, he couldn’t say he was upset to look at you. You were a stunning kind of beauty, young and lively and clad in cool gray scrubs. But you were three years older than him, wildly advanced and talented, and he couldn’t swallow his pride - especially not with this nausea. He could not swallow the fact that you looked so damn familiar. He had seen you somewhere before: those eyes had looked at him with that same distress and concern. But he could not place it for the life of him.
Pablo thought back to how sweet you had been to him that day. How you had encouraged him to take pride in himself and be confident in the fact that he deserved all the success he had seen. He was so overwhelmed that day. His brain was absolute porridge, and he was doing his best for it not to pour out of his ears, all while his cheeks burned under your gaze. He was too preoccupied by his desire to muster one ounce of hatred to replace the overwhelming admiration in his brain that he could not determine where the hell he had seen you before.
And now here he was, once again staring at the ceiling, head throbbing, and the thought came to him again: why did you look familiar? Despite having known you for half a year now, the feeling that there was history had not left him. It wasn't that you had a common face. There was something about the way you looked at him, with a knowing and sadness, that touched a part of his soul. Like you knew things he had never even admitted to himself. While he thought that was just your way of being, he was coming to realize that look was one reserved specifically for Pablo. Now he wasn't nauseous, and focused on the rhythmic sounds of keys being slammed. He poised himself to ask a question, but not the one gnawing at his brain.
"What're you typing so excitedly? Hopefully not your resignation."
You looked up in time to watch Pablo's chest heave with the breathy (and very fake) laugh that he forced out. Your fingers rested against the keyboard, pausing your aggressive typing. How did Gavi know about your plans to leave? Had he been listening at the door? How long had he been standing there before-
"Is that why you fainted in the hallway? Because I'm leaving the club?"
"So you've already decided that you're leaving? You aren't even going to wait until you see whatever shithole you've been offered a spot at?"
There was an emotion that made Gavi's voice wobble, and you couldn't pin it exactly, but it sounded akin to betrayal. You finished the last sentence of your email, the swooshing sound indicating the message had been sent. Pablo bit his lip and stared hard at the fluorescent light. He didn't want you to see the distress in his face, but he couldn't help it. He hated how the dynamic between the two of you had been so warm, so close to the spark he desperately sought, just to go back to how icy your interactions began.
You pulled up a stool to sit next to him, and grabbed a pair of gloves as you approached. You noticed the slight quiver of his lip, and turned away to put your gloves on. The deep sadness in his eyes, the way his body tensed, the voice like a hurt child - was this all because of you?
"I was doing what I should've done my first week working here: I sent an email to HR about Ferran's nasty comments. Barca can't have a sexual harassment scandal right about now, especially not during the transfer window. And if they fire me, then they..." Your voice trailed off, throat closing up. It was still hard for you to process the possibility.
"If they fire me, then that's one less decision that I have to make."
You ran a gloved hand across his crown, feeling for any bumps or lacerations because of his fall. You felt worse the longer you continued the exam, the feeling that this was your fault sinking in. You had pushed Pablo away wordlessly after brining him in so close. But the majority of your brain screamed back at you how selfish it would be to drag Pablo into your black hole, ruining his career so that he could run after a girl who didn't even feel. If the sun in its greatness could not warm you, then how could ask this of Pablo?
"Now we need to talk about your fall in the hallway. It's quite obvious that you fainted but-"
"Were ever going to tell me? Or were you just going to freeze me out until you left the country?"
Gavi propped himself up on his elbows, eyes meeting you directly. You didn't know what to say. You couldn't tell him how you felt, especially not now. Not right before you disappeared.
"Have you ever fainted like that before? What have you eaten to day?" You asked, moving to throw away your gloves. "If you're having frequent spells of losing consciousness, then we need to have your blood iron tes-"
"Are you being serious right now, y/n? You're on the verge of quitting your dream job, packing up and leaving the country, and isolating yourself from everyone who cares about you, and you're asking about my blood iron? No."
Pablo stood, getting off the table faster than someone with a head injury should. He walked towards you, anger evident.
"No. You don't get to change the subject and talk about my iron. Or sit and try and diagnose me with anything. You know that I'm perfectly healthy. Want to know why I fainted? I'll tell you, Doctora."
Gavi was right in front of your face now, heavy breath fanning against your skin. You swallowed thickly, breathing just as heavy as you met his blazing stare. For the first time in weeks, your eyes started to moisten. Why was this scolding from Pablo going to bring you to tears?
"Because from the moment I laid eyes on you, I felt like I knew you. I don't know if I saw you on the street or in a dream, but a part of my brain recognized you, and since then I've been in pain. Pain that you can't even help me with. Nobody can. It's so hard to watch everyone take advantage of you all the fucking time. It tears me apart constantly. But it let me get closer to you. You let me get closer. And I tried so hard to keep it at bay, to be the friend that you need."
Pablo was now cupping your face, holding it like it was the only thing that would tether him to the earth. He rested his head against yours, and suddenly it was too much. All the feelings that had escaped you for so long were coming back all at once, stacking on top of each other and smothering you. Your eyes welled with tears, and you wished the ground would swallow you whole to escape Gavi's piercing eyes looking straight through you.
"But you have to know that I don't just see you as a friend, Doctora. You have to know, even if you don't feel the same way, that I am -"
"We met before I got my job here. That's why you recognize me."
Gavi let go of your face, taking a step back. He looked at you with confusion and hurt. You both knew what he was about to say, and he couldn't understand why you wouldn't just let him get it off his chest. And as selfish as it was, you just couldn't take it. Pablo deserved better - someone that would lift him up, not hold him back. And if he said it, if it was out in the open, then you would never be able to put his needs first.
"The week of my interview, I went to pick up Angelika from the club. Angel went to get her from the VIP section and he left me in charge of keeping an eye on you."
"You... were watching me while I was drunk?" Pablo's brain was processing a thousand things at once. You had met him and remembered him? What had he said while drunk to make you hide that fact from him?
"Why didn't you say anything before?"
There were so many ways to answer this question that you didn't know where to begin. How could you explain to Gavi that you had been so captured by his beauty that night that it had thrown you off your axis, making you wonder if you had died and this was the angel sent to guide you to the pearly gates? How could you describe the intense pull Pablo had over you, tugging at your soul, urging you to stay with him? How were you to say the way your heart broke on his behalf, wanting to hold him in your arms and protect him from everything that made him feel less than the most special person alive? All you had wanted was to kiss him, to pull him in, to never let him go. But none of the words materialized. Because to you, the cruelest thing you could do to Pablo was keep pulling him into you. He was pure light, and you couldn't bear the burden of being the one to extinguish it.
"It was an insignificant moment in a club. Nothing worth mentioning. I didn't even remember until Pedri reminded me when I started."
There it was. The sentence that made Gavi crack. You watched the hurt seep into his features, and a heavy air filled the room. Brows coming together, he looked at you expectantly, waiting, praying, that you would take it back.
"Meeting me was ... insignificant?"
Eyes locked, there was nothing you could say that would erase this moment. You swallowed the lump in your throat, playing with your fingers. You spun the ring you wore around your finger, trying to occupy your mind with anything other than the thought that you were the human embodiment of garbage.
The silence remained, growing thicker with each passing second. It enveloped the both of you, tendrils wrapping around and ripping the two of you apart, fraying whatever string of fate had brought you together.
"You think it was just a coincidence, meeting me in the club weeks before we become coworkers? Friends? Something... beyond that...and you think that coincidence was so forgettable that it wasn't even worth mentioning?"
There it was. The cold front that you put up, the one that pushed everyone away, no matter how hot their love for you burned. You were the ice princess, destined to go through life cold and untouchable and alone.
"Some people you just meet, Pablo. It doesn't mean they're meant to be together. I needed to get my friend out of the club and I just ran into Angel. He left me in charge of you so that you wouldn't do anything stupid or childish while drunk. I was in a club babysitting an 18 year old kid who was pouring his heart out to me while wasted. I didn't say anything to save you from the embarrassment."
That was the straw that broke Gavi's heart. He stormed towards the door, unable to look at you any longer. Had he really been lead on; allowed to believe that you were his friend, or at the least respected him, when this entire time you just saw him as a little kid. His last line to you was spoken so softly you almost didn't hear it over the deafening slam of the door.
"They're going to love you in England."
~
"Your English is very good for someone educated in Spain."
You looked up at Steve, flashing a practiced professional smile that showed no indication of offense at the objectively offensive statement.
"Thank you, Dr. Hughes. I did complete my baccalaureate degree in the United States, but I'm glad the last two years in Barcelona have not damaged my language."
Now it was his turn to laugh uncomfortably as he lead you through the garish blue halls of Stamford bridge. The entire plane ride you had told yourself that this could be the fresh start you needed. This could be the opportunity to turn your life around, and so you should approach it with fresh eyes and an open mind. But the walls were hurting your eyes, the blue and white making you think of Martin in his kit. You were lead into the trophy room, which was a lot smaller than you were used to.
"Here you can see some of the club's shining moments. We have had an... interesting season this year, but you know that performance fluctuates between seasons. We hope to be back on top again very soon, especially with an entirely new medical team coming on board."
You scanned the shelves and glass cases, admiring the look of trophies you were familiar with, and ones you had never seen before.
"An entire new medical staff? No one is staying on?" You asked, confused. What kind of club replaced everyone all at the same time? Usually at least one person remained to pass the torch, to maintain familiarity. It set warning bells off in your head.
“Ah, well, many of our staff members were quite loyal to Dr. Henry, you know he was here for 17 years after all. So they all followed him out. But we are excited to usher in a new wave of sparkling young medical talent!”
You swallowed hard, still feeling from the information. You still hadn’t finished your degree, and yet you were being offered a head position at what was supposed to be a huge and well-respected club. You couldn’t help but think of the blaugrana.
Something flitted in your chest, a feeling that surrounded you whenever you walked into the camp. The feeling of family, like you were home. The coldness of Steve’s answer didn’t spark anything close to that feeling. Not every workplace needed to be a part of your heart, a new family. These days. You had no idea what your family was supposed to be, or if you had one at all. Your brain begged you to ask what the environment was like, how close the staff was, what created such a high level of loyalty that they would all follow this man wherever he went, abandoning club and home. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, asking instead,
“Do you only display the most recent. Champions League trophy?”
More laughter from Steve, but of the fakest nature. “Yes we have one on this side, one on the other. They’re … ehem, all of our UCL trophies are displayed here.” Your cheeks warmed with subtle embarrassment. You knew nothing about this room or this club, and if you were honest with yourself, you had no desire to. You missed Barca. But you had to give this club its chance – an honest shot to be your new home.
The two of you continued through the halls as Steve showed you all the medical equipment and facilities that would be at your disposal should you accept. At the end, he led you to the players’ lounge, offering you a seat. The blue had given you a baby migraine, and you were incredibly grateful for the ability to sit and rest. You refused the gracious offers for food, sipping on a bottle of water to dull the throbbing against your skull. You searched the room for something, something familiar – a face, a number, to make you feel like everything was going to work out in the end. But it never appeared, the bright colors and foreign faces more of a discomfort than anything else.
"Make yourself comfortable, Doctor. Let me get some of the players that you'll be working with, and you can hear from them what the environment is like."
You nodded sweetly, sitting up straight with ankles crossed in the way Princess Diaries taught you to. As the footsteps faded slowly into the distance, a sigh passed between your lips. What were you doing? Despite the lecture given to yourself on the uncomfortable plane ride over (Chelsea would only pay for economy), it had all gone out the window. Your gut was in knots, and you couldn't shake the feeling that you were doing something wrong.
Your phone buzzed in your pocket, and the screen lit up in your hand to read "One Football: FC Barcelona vs Manchester United - Starting lineup now available." The notification had been pressed before you registered what was going on. Your eyes scanned the list just to land on one name. Your mind went back to the last conversation the two of you shared. The most venomous words had slipped past your lips, and you had finally done it: you pushed the last person who cared for you away. The sentiment was harsh. How could anyone ever recover a relationship after shattering it so completely? Despite how much much it hurt to grip the broken shards so tightly, you held on nonetheless, packing Gavi's hoodie in your bag, the '6' embroidered into the pocket cutting open a gaping wound in your heart, and yet you enjoyed its presence there.
"Doctora, I'm pleased to introduce Kepa and Christian. They have been with the club for a while, and they would be happy to answer all your questions."
~
"A scoreless first half here at Old Trafford as both Barcelona and Man U return to the locker rooms for half time. As we saw Pedri went down in those final minutes of the half, and we've received a report that he is out for the rest of the match. His injury status is unknown, but if the magician is out of commission, this could be a very easy steal for United."
The sounds of fists slamming against lockers was loud enough to be heard all the way home in Spain. Pedri Potter, the star, the leader of Barca's new era, was now in icing his right hamstring in some medical examination room, while the rest of the team scrambled to figure out a scenario in which they would win without him in a mere 15 minutes. Gavi bounced his leg anxiously, eager to see his friend and make sure he was okay.
"Listen up boys. We can win this game without Pedri. The score is now 1-0 to Man U, and all we need to do it score once to tie. Then we are back home, our turf and our fans. Robert, Rapha, your goal is to put the ball in the net. I don't care what you have to do. The middle, you need to get the ball in a good position for these two. That means Gavi, you'll be- Gavi pay attention!"
Head snapping up, Pablo's eyes met Xavi's directly. He knew he should be paying attention - this was the first of several games that needed to be won until they reached a trophy. He needed to be on his A-game, and yet, his mind was drifting. He wished it was just concern over Pedri capturing his attention. But in the corners of his mind, your voice lingered. "Babysitting... insignificant... embarrassment." All words you had used when talking about him as he was on the verge of pouring his entire soul out onto the linoleum for you. He didn't understand the anger that flowed through him. It was a sense of ... incompleteness. If you had let him finish, let him say the words that he didn't fully understand, then he would have been okay. He would have watched as you kicked his beating heart against the wall, telling him that you could never feel that way towards him. He would have been okay: relieved. But you had left him dangling off the edge of a cliff, with no relief in being pulled to safety nor mercy in being allowed to fall.
Xavi gave his instructions to the midfield and the defensive line, going over the weak points that needed to be addressed.
"Pedri is most likely out for the next eight weeks, missing both the next match and the SuperCopa, so this is your opportunity to adjust to playing in high-stress situations without him."
Gavi's head raised fully at this. Eight weeks? It has been forever since someone was out for that long. Since the beginning of the season... since you had joined the team. A pinch in Pablo's chest. His brain repeated over and over that the best thing to do was let you go. To let you be your own person, grow and be independent, saving himself the heartache because the one girl he wanted was the one he couldn't have. Yet his heart held on with an iron grip. It refused to release you, reminding him of every sweet moment shared in cars and offices and bedrooms. It was quick to forget the pain of being perceived as a child. Pablo's heart begged him to wait for you, because it was incapable of letting go of a devotion so intense. His heart ached for you, longing for the day he be deemed worthy enough to love you wholly and completely.
"Eight weeks is insane - we have never gone that long with our midfield handicapped. Is there no way to speed up recovery? Who gave the estimate?" Robert asked, wiping the sweat off his brow.
"Luca is the only one from the medical staff who is here right now. He is the one who made the determination. Of course, the rest of the staff will be free to reevaluate when we return home. But Luca will be the one continuing with the course of treatment, and so we will go with his estimate."
"What? Where is y/n?" The question came from Alejandro, followed by hushed agreement. Even if you were not the first point of contact for all the players, you were a team staple, becoming as familiar to them as the crest embroidered on their uniforms. The older players had watched as you performed medical miracles on their teammates that rivaled what Jesus did for the blind, allowing the team to prosper all season. 15 points at the top of the table, and at least half had your name on them. The youngers had felt your impact directly, following your instructions like gospel. They knew how much care you showed to every single one of them, from the starters to the bench warmers. Your hands had put them back together. A touch of you lingered in all the success achieved, and your absence felt closer to abandonment than anything else.
"You should ask Pablito - he would be the first one to notice that his girlfriend wasn't on the flight." Ferran's voice: the closest human equivalent to nails on a chalkboard. After everything that had taken place, it was a wonder he still had the energy to be an ass.
"Maybe you should ask Ferran about his HR investigation, which is a main reason that she's touring the Chelsea facility fight now. Hey, maybe you'll see her this summer when you get sold there. They're always looking for people to keep the bench warm while the important players are on the field." Gavi spoke calmly and evenly, like he was stating pure fact. He stood, leaving the room to avoid the round of questioning that was about to occur regarding HR and the doctora's new home.
The click of Pablo's cleats echoed loudly in the hallway a she approached the medical room, where Luca was fumbling with bandage and his laptop, while Pedri waited on the exam table like a fish at the market. His head turned at the sound of Gavi's approach, and he gave a weak smile to the younger player.
"I finally pushed it too far. Great timing, eh Hermano? It's only a Champion's League, a SuperCopa, and a potential classico that I'll miss. Nothing significant."
Gavi could do nothing but let out a slight laugh, cupping Pedri on the back of the neck. His heart hurt for his friend. This is what every player dreamed of: playing for cups, winning with the team of their dreams. And Pedri was going to miss all of it because they had relied on him to heavily, asked him to bridge too many gaps.
"Please don't say that word to me ever again. Luca, how's it looking? Eight weeks seems a little excessive for a sprain." Gavi knew that Luca was doing something wrong. Or stupid. Or, the most likely option, both. When Ansu had sprained his hamstring, he was back on the field in 28 days under your care. Alejandro had a minor tear in his meniscus, and yet still he was faster than the speed of sound 6 weeks later. Now there was no you. No melodic voice explaining muscle strain and stride length and tissue recovery. Just a stupid, lanky Spaniard in free Barca merch putting "leg hurts" into Web MD and seeing what he can diagnose with this time.
"Why don't you let the medical professionals do their job, Gavi, and you go back to putting your head in front of peoples' feet."
Looking to quickly diffuse the situation, Pedri turned to his friend, wanting to stop looking at the man who might end his football career with a wrong move and an 'oops'.
"I'll just let y/n look at it when I get back home. She'll fix me up in no time. That is, if you give me one of your spots on her schedule."
"Yeah, that's if she even comes back to work."
Pedri looked at the younger boy with confusion. It had been several weeks since he had seen Gavi with his favorite physio. Initially, he thought the crush had faded - that Pablo had found another pretty thing to maintain his interest, and you had fallen to the wayside with the other failed football loves. But Pablo was so clearly unhappy. He was more irritable, spending more and more time on his phone while avoiding the group all together. He sat silently in Pedri's passenger seat, screen illuminating his face but remaining silent.
[Doctora]: Good morning Pablo - running late. Will bring you an apology smoothie
[Doctora]: im going to need you to send me a video of you tying your shoes as proof
[Doctora]: i'll tell you when i see u tomorrow
Gavi had spent two weeks going back over every message you had ever sent him. He watched the way your tone changed from proper and professional to something lighter, more friendly and familiar. Over and over your voice played in his head.
"Pablo."
Pride be damned. He missed you. As he stood behind his teammates, whispers about the staff still whirling around the tunnel, it dawned on him. Barca, the club of his dreams, the fantasy of his childhood, would never - could never - be complete again if you left.
"And we're back in Old Trafford for the second half of this UCL match between the Historic FC Barcelona, and the red devils of Manchester United."
~
"That's incredible that you went to school there! I'm a ride or die for their basketball team, so you already have my respect."
You flashed Christian a smile - a real one, the first genuine display of joy you've been able to muster in a while. Both of the players had shown a genuine interest in getting to know you, trying to sell you on the idea of joining the club. Kepa had gushed over how much he loved living in London, citing his experiences as a fellow Spaniard.
"You're around so many Spanish speakers at the club, you hardly miss home."
Christian, the more injury-prone of the two, talked about his experiences with the medical team, and the close relationships he had built there. All of the medical team had become family to him in some way or the other. It calmed your previous anxieties. Maybe it was just a fear of change keeping you tethered to Barca, and all you needed was time to adjust.
"I think you'd get along really well with the other players, of course, the ones that opt-in to working with you."
This statement from Christian caught the attention of both you and Steve, who rushed over before you could ask for clarification. Opt-in? How could you opt-in to medical treatment?
"Miss, I think that Kepa and Christian have both done a wonderful job of providing just a small taste of what it means to be part of the Chelsea family. We don't want to keep them from afternoon training."
You said your thanks and goodbyes, but before they left Kepa turned to you, as if suddenly struck with a lightening bolt of realization.
"You're the Barca physio that works with Gavi, right?" He asked in Spanish. "He mentioned a girl physio during international training."
Another knot in your stomach at the mere mention of his name. "Yeah that would be me."
Kepa's face shifted, brows downturned and lips pursed. "Let me give you my contact information, in case you have any more questions." This line was in English, spoken more in Steve's direction than in yours. He approached, taking the phone from your hands and switching back to Spanish.
"Don't leave Barca. Gavi talked about you a lot during the break. They respect and value you a lot there - don't throw that away." He handed the phone back to you as you tried to contain your expression, suppressing the shock you felt from displaying itself on your features. What could Pablo have said that would make this man go out of his way to prevent you from joining this club? What had been so compelling that Kepa worked against his own best interest?
It was now just you and Steve in the room, and you turned to him, his skin flushed, to ask about Christian's little slip.
"There was something mentioned about players opting out of treatment?"
"Ah, just a small clause in your contract. Just says that players can choose not to be treated by club medical staff and find their own if they feel uncomfortable. It's all there in the paperwork somewhere. You can call my assistant if you read over it again and have more questions. Now, I know that you need to go soon, but I wouldn't be able to let you go without meeting one of our new signings. Someone else who knows what it's like to decide to make the shift from La Liga here to the old PL. Come with me."
You rose from your seat, migraine returning from the stress onset. What was being kept from you? Obviously you hadn't read your employment offer close enough. You walked through the passages somewhat mindlessly, following Steve with your body as your mind drifted elsewhere. What was being hidden from you?
"Joao, nice to see you again! This is Doctor y/l/n, and we're trying to convince her to make the same switch from Spain to London."
All of your medical education had told you that the masticator and other jaw muscles were voluntary; that they could be controlled and moved when you wanted. Not today. Your jaw went slack, and it refused to shut as you stared at the Portuguese beauty before you. There was no way. How had you missed the news of his move. How unprofessional was it to say 'pinch me' during what was essentially an interview.
"Nice to meet you, Doctora. I'm quite relieved that I don't have to speak in English - apparently my accent is not as good as I thought."
Joao Felix was shaking your hand. You had yet to say anything or even shut your mouth. Joao Felix was shaking your hand. You laughed lightly at his statement, muscles moving independently of the pudding that was your brain currently. Joao Felix was shaking your hand.
"I'm sorry, it's so nice to meet you, I'm just a little overwhelmed. You're one of my favorite players in football right now. I've been following you since your debut. Oh my God."
It was Joao's turn to laugh, a light and glorious sound. You had made him laugh. You wished someone was recording so you could send the video to Angeliika. And your mom. They would both go into cardiac arrest. His skin turned slightly pink as he scratched the back of his head, flattered by the admiration of someone so accomplished (and, as he would later reflect, gorgeous). Despite not understanding a lick of Spanish, Steve knew he had made a winning move by introducing you to Joao. The two of you leaned into each other as you spoke, and he motioned towards the field, inviting you to a stroll around the turf to chat.
All of your pride and prejudice fantasies were being realized in this moment. You were taking a polite stroll around the grounds with a man that you had salivated over while watching football on TV. A golden boy and future champion. He was something incredible. Witty and charismatic and easy to talk to. Everyone says not to meet your heroes, and yet here you were, floating several inches above the ground beside Joao.
"So, what club are you moving from? Can't be something in Madrid - I would remember you."
Lord, this was too much. You gave a silent thanks to the heavens, all the good karma you had accumulated throughout your life manifesting on this day.
"Oh no, not a Madrid club. Just a small Catalan club called Barca. Heard of it?" You teased as Joao stopped in his tracks. It was his turn to go wide-eyed and slack jawed.
"You're the Barca girl physio? I have heard of you! One of the physios at Atleti is your classmate. He said you're crazy smart."
How were you staying alive when all the blood in your body was in your face? How had so many people in the football space heard your name with you blissfully unaware. The smile on your face was not just due to the compliment. Maybe there were people ready to be there for you, and you just needed to reach arm out to them.
The conversation came to a close as you watched other groups come onto the field, preparations being made for upcoming matches. You thanked Joao for his time, once again involuntarily gushing about how surreal this experience was.
"Ah, there's really no need. The pleasure was all mine. I hope that I'll get to see more of you, Doctora, no matter what decision you end up making." Stretching his arm out, pulling you in for a hug. He enveloped you, arms wrapped tightly around your frame in a way that was borderline inappropriate for a goodbye. He smelled heavenly, the warmth radiating from his body akin to a fireplace. This was the stuff of dreams and imagination.
And yet, Joao was not the name on your mind. He way he smelled was beautiful and yet unfamiliar. Your thoughts traveled back to the last hug like this you had shared with someone. To the scent of One Million and powdery deodorant, mixed with something that couldn't be bottled. To the feeling of strong arms sitting lower on your waist. To brown hair and brown eyes and a brown leather couch. To white shirts and white bedsheets. To the soft voice and smooth voice that called for you.
"Doctora."
Logic be damned. You missed Pablo. And then the empty expanse of your soul filled with a feeling of dread. You had made a mistake. So many mistakes. Pushing away Pablo, lying to your friends about how much you needed them. Considering another job. Nothing in the the blue and white had given you even 1% of the feelings you experienced walking into Camp Nou every day. But you would never be able to go back if Gavi was angry with you. Ferran was cattle waiting to be sold. Gavi was a contender this year's golden boy, a powerhouse on the field, a bright star for both club and country. You reached into your bag, staring at his name in your phone. But your fingers shook too violently to press the call button. You remembered the hurt on his features, the way he couldn't even look at you as he passed in the halls. You weren't ready to see [Call Declined] appear on your screen. Instead you rested your phone on your lap, reaching in to retrieve your Chelsea contract.
Obviously, your eagerness to run away from your current life had blurred your vision. On page 22 of 31, there is was in what appeared to be a smaller font than the rest of the agreement.
"Under FIFA and British Football regulation, players may refuse treatment from club-appointed medical staff for any reason, including but not limited to feelings of fear, discomfort, lack of safety, and lack of confidence. Providers will be compensated on a fee-for-service basis, where compensation is scaled based on the number of players consistently treated. Should more than 40% of players request alternative treatment, the club may terminate the contract with the provider before the term of the contract has elapsed."
Your eyes widened, brows knitted together in confusion and borderline disgust. Women in medicine were already at a disadvantage, and that increased tenfold for women in sports medicine. Should the players feel uncomfortable with you because of your sex or age, you could spontaneously be out of a job after picking up and moving your whole life?!
Before you could pick up the phone and tell Steve that he would need to find someone else to fill this cursed position, a buzzing came from your bag. Who was calling your work phone?
"Hello?"
"Good evening Doctora y/l/n, hope that your visit at Chelsea went well." Andreas was Xavi's secretary, and he was the closest thing you would ever get to the cast of The Devil Wears Prada. He was rather cold in the way that he spoke, but never rude. Well dressed and straight to the point - commanding of respect.
"Went very well, Andreas. I got to meet-"
"Mister Xavi has asked for your presence on the flight back to Barcelona to discuss your future with the club. It is of the utmost importance that this meeting occur as soon as possible. So you need to be in Heathrow by tonight at 11pm for check in with the rest of the team."
"But my flight back to Barcelona is tomorrow and I-"
"You'll be fully reimbursed for the cost of changing your travel. We are leaving from Terminal 2. Have a wonderful evening."
Just like that, you were wondering how fast you could pack everything and leave in the next 6 hours when your personal phone buzzed in your lap.
[Pablo]: I know u said u need space but
[Pablo]: i rlly need to talk to u
[Pablo]: can i meet you somewhere?
Heart racing, you typed back as fast as you could with trembling fingers, telling him that you would be so happy to meet him, giving him the address of a café near your hotel. You didn't want him to see what your salary could actually afford (since Chelsea didn't cover your travel accommodations). You let out a sigh of relief. He wanted to see you. He wanted to speak with you. He wasn't completely lost.
~
Packing had been fast - you had only brought the essentials to London to avoid paying a bag fee on the budget airline you had traveled. Fixing yourself in the mirror, you let out a deep sigh. What were you even going to say to Pablo? Begging for forgiveness seemed the most logical choice. You practiced your apology in the mirror, and yet froze every time. How would you respond when he asked you why? Why it had been so easy for you to push him away, to strike him down, to make him feel so utterly unimportant to you and your life? You didn't know how you would respond.
Feelings of the heart are often the easiest to articulate. They're not like emotions. Emotions are straight forward: happiness, anger, sadness, jealousy. Things that were caused by one identifiable source, and could be expressed easily with words and actions. But the matters that went beyond feeling, those were the most difficult to understand, let alone communicate. Despite his form, it wasn't lust that drew you into Pablo. Those thoughts had made you breathe heavy and push your thighs together. The glimpses of Pablo's bare form were painted on the edge of your mind, soft skin and hard muscle, inviting you in for a touch, a taste. It was an exciting idea, but not the one that riled you up the most.
No, it was something different. It was a scene that had plagued your mind for weeks upon end, always causing you to wake in a cold sweat with a tightness in your chest, breaths labored. You pictured yourself laying on Pablo's bare chest, drawing circles on his skin as his heart beat rhythmically for you to listen to. As you drifted off, he would place a kiss on the top of your head, running a soothing hand down your spine. It wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer into him, as he whispered softly.
"Mine."
It was a magnetic pull that Pablo had, a force of nature that you were unable to escape. It could be described as nothing other than desire, like you would make the world stop spinning until the two of you were united. There was a higher force tying you to Pablo, and etched in your bones was a knowledge that you would never be able to leave him. But the sentiments died on your tongue before they could ever take to the air, never to fall on the ears of a certain Spaniard.
As your heels clicked against the city pavement, a sense of calm washed over you. He had reached out to you. There was an olive branch being extended. He was ready to hear what you had to say. Yet upon entering the small space, a different voice called out your name.
"Pedri?"
It was impossible to hide the disappointment in your voice. You had built up the confidence to come here solely based on the premise that Gavi wanted to see you. Your ego had deflated, back to feeling like utter garbage for the way you had treated the person who, in reality, was your closest friend. Before the self pity could fully sink its claws in, you noticed the full-leg brace that Pedri was sporting.
"I'm sorry that I used Pablo's phone to text you - didn't have your personal number, and it would be a little... salt-in-the-wound-ish to ask him for it right now. Especially since you asked him not to speak to you."
"I never said that!" You exclaimed a little more enthusiastically than intended, causing a couple people to glance in your direction. Pedri escorted you to a table in the corner, offering to go and get you a coffee to fight the chill of a London January.
"No please. It's completely fine. You shouldn't be standing with a torn muscle anyways."
Pedri looked at you inquisitively. He had not seen you in a while, especially with you and Gavi not on speaking terms. He had missed the quips and sarcastic comments he was able to catch during training. He missed the feeling of safety whenever you cared for himself or others on the field, as he knew that you were to be trusted with their bodies. He missed the fire you sparked in Pablo, leading to unparalleled passion and unprecedented performances. The air of natural confidence that you spoke with is what brought the smile to his face. Not hesitation or wobble in your voice. No need to consult a dozen others. Medically, you knew your shit.
"A tear? Luca told me it was only excessive strain on my hamstrings."
A scoff and an eye roll that widened Pedri's smile. "I wouldn't let Luca perform medicine on a Barbie. That's the wrong kind of brace if it's a sprain. It's immobilizing. You need something with compression - a thigh sleeve most likely. Have you been icing it?"
"How could you leave Barca when your successors are idiots like Luca?" His arms folded across the table in front of him as the realization spread across your features. You were acting like his physio on impulse.
"How did you know I was thinking about leaving?"
"Everybody knows. No one could focus on today's second half because of it. When I went down everyone was scrambling to find you and call you. Everyone, myself included, was waiting for you to run across the field, bag in those magic hands ready to come and give me a new leg. But then you weren't there. And I was just praying that Luca didn't schedule me for an amputation."
A shy smile and a breathy laugh. You met his kind eyes, piercing though you. It was surprising when you felt the wetness on your cheeks, registering you were crying only after the tears had rolled down to your chin. He brought his chair in closer, holding your hand, and you held on for dear life. Your tears were falling in earnest now, fat and fast enough to hit the table as you used Pedri as a lifeline.
"Come back to Barca."
"I can't Pedri. I've... I've just made such a mess of everything."
"You're talking about Pablo."
"I'm talking about everything. I have a player that actively hates me and is looking for every opportunity to get me fired. Everyone on the team thinks that I'm sleeping with Pablo. And Pablo - I can't even explain how much I messed up. I told him to stay away from me. To give me space. I don't want space." You rested your forehead against the cool wood of the table. "I just want him to talk to me. When you sent me that message I was so excited. I thought he was ready to forgive me."
"Don't worry for a second about Ferran. We heard about the complaint to HR and I'd be happy to speak on your behalf about the dogshit he says to you. Everyone with a brain knows you're not sleeping with Pablo - they all have so much respect for the work that you do. Dembele came to me after the match and told me to contact you. He said your first assignment for Barca was to work on his leg recovery, and it was the best treatment he's ever had." You raised your head, tears turning your eyes red and puffy as they stained your cheeks.
"This may be selfish of me to say, but I would do anything to have you stay at the club and work with me. I can't miss all of these cup games because the physios don't know what's going on. This is everything I have ever wanted in my life. And if you're the person that can help me get there, then nothing, especially not Ferran and the other airheads at the club, are going to hold me back."
He moved to grab your other hand as well, looking you straight in the eyes. There was not one indication that he was exaggerating his sentiments. He wanted to win more than he wanted to breathe.
"And Pablo? Don't worry about him."
"How can I not worry, Pedri. I was so cruel to him. He'll never speak to me again."
"Doctora, don't you know that there's no one on this earth he holds in higher regard?"
~
The terminal was surprisingly quite busy upon your arrival. It seemed that everyone was catching an international red-eye, causing you to stumble through crowds with your small bag and exhausted demeanor. You approached the airport staff, utterly lost in trying to find the meeting place. It was 10:56pm, and you didn't have the money to be missing the company-sponsored return flight.
"Excuse me, I'm with the F.C Barcelona team. Where can I check in for my flight?"
"I don't remember them becoming a unisex team.'' Your expression remained neutral as the staff member chuckled at his own joke. You didn't have time to give a lecture on the dangers of misogyny. "I need to see your Barca ID."
"I don't have my team ID badge, but if you let me speak to-"
"Don't you women have something better to do than try and fuck a footballer? Lord, you even have a suitcase and everything. I suggest that you go home and stop with these little charades - it's embarrassing."
You stood speechless as the man walked away, stationing himself in a different area of the terminal. Behind you, screams were heard coming from the door, followed by flashes of light in rapid succession.
"Gavi I love you!"
"Pedri Pedri! You're my idol!"
"Xavi have my babies!"
Your attention shifted to the security guarding the entrance as the Barca squad filtered through the doors, all dressed in coordinated pale yellow. You speed walked towards them, pace catching the attention of one of the guards.
"Miss, you need to maintain space."
Gavi turned to look at the person that was causing a disturbance. Usually it was a child who had gotten a little too excited to see their favorite players, and often the soft spot in his heart compelled him to give them a picture or signature. It was hard to have your dreams crushed as a child by a celebrity that didn't care, and he was determined not to be that type of person. That's when his eyes locked with a pair oh so familiar to him. He stood in place, frozen as his teammates narrowly avoided bumping into him and causing an awful domino effect. It felt like forever since he last looked at you this way: like you were the only person in the room.
"Ah, Doctora y/n, glad Andreas was able to coordinate with you. Sir, she's with us." Xavi's word was law, as usual, and you were allowed to pass through with the rest of the group, ushered to a more private area of the terminal, the screams of fans echoing behind you.
Pablo watched as you stood alongside the coach, chattering away about God knows what. Eric and Pedri were beside him, making conversation about the new additions introduced in the FIFA update.
"Did you know she was going to be here?" Gavi asked, interrupting Pedri's rant about how expensive different skins and expansions were. He had been desperate to see you, thinking of all the ways he might reconcile once he saw you again. But not now. He wasn't ready to face you - not ready to be told 'no' again. For the first time in years, a cold vein of fear ran through him. Was this it? Were you handing in your resignation, coming to Spain only to collect your things before moving to the gray fogginess of the Premier League?
"Yeah. We had a little chat earlier." Say what you want about the IQ of footballers, but Pedri was incredibly intelligent. He himself had given up a career in medicine to explore football greatness. This meant he was smart enough to have deleted the messages that he sent from Pablo's phone before he did his 78th re-read of all your text messages. He was also smart enough to figure out that Gavi had wanted you practically since he laid eyes on you. Contrary to what many may think, Gavi didn't really look at girls. He was usually absorbed in conversation with a friend, whether in person or virtually, and was not prone to looking at every pretty girl that crossed his path. He was hard to please and even harder to impress. So when he started seeking you out more often, mentioning you during random drives, he knew that Pablito was infatuated.
It was several months, however, before Pedri realized the extent of Pablo's affection towards you. It had been during the international break, when Pedri sat and played FIFA with Nico, the only worthy opponent among La Roja. Pablo was half watching the game, half staring at the illuminated screen when he stood suddenly. Pedri watched from the corner of his eye as Gavi stepped out onto the balcony in shorts and his training shirt in the bitter chill of December. When the match had ended (3-1 to him of course), he followed the younger outside, and found him with his phone pointed towards the horizon. The sun in its retirement had painted the sky the most vibrant shades of oranges and pinks, bleeding into a royal purple. The hazy, circular glow kept the sky warm, and the colors stretched out over the wide expanse of the city, painting everything in the golden light of dusk. That's when Pedri heard the shutter click.
"Since when do you take pictures of the sunset?" He was teasing again. It was always fun to rile up his fiery teammate.
"I'm sending them to the doctora. It's so pretty, I want her to see it."
"Isn't she in Barcelona right now? She's probably looking at the same sunset."
"But it's just so beautiful from this high up." Gavi said, eyes still transfixed on his phone as he searched for the most worthy flick to send you. "I just want to send her something beautiful. I want to send her every beautiful thing in the world."
Yes, Pedri was a smart man. Smart enough to see that Pablo's feelings to you were stronger than he had ever experienced for another. Probably the strongest he had ever experienced at all. He was smart enough to approach Alejandro and Ansu, while Gavi chewed on his lip at the prospect of speaking to you, to organize the seating during the flight home.
~
"Don't get too comfortable, Doctora. You'll be joining me upfront for a chat after takeoff." You laughed politely at Xavi as he boarded the plane. You gathered your things, acutely aware of Ferran's gaze on you while you bent over.
"Have a good time at Chelsea? Try and ruin any lives while there?" He asked, voice laced with annoyance. HR had approached him about your complaint, informing him that they would be asking other players and staff about comments made at your expense. While he could keep his friends quiet, he had done too much to piss off Gavi, leaving him vulnerable to everyone in his camp. His only hope was to get you to leave before the investigation had concluded.
"I would prefer we didn't speak about non-professional matters. Thank you, Ferran." You said, smiling so sweetly he felt his teeth throb. You boarded the plane last with the rest of the staff, Luca rushing past you like he would be left behind if he wasn't seated soon. Glancing down at your ticket, you read out your seat number. Row 6, seat G. Walking onto the aircraft, you were stunned by the beauty of the first class cabin. It was furnished completely with plush leather, with every two or three seats getting their own dividers from the rest of the passengers. You walked to row 6, and made your way across the aisle to the right side of the plane where your seat was meant to be. In row 6, seat F, sat Pablo. He looked up at the aisle at the sound of shuffling, and the two of you just stared at one another, wordlessly communicating a shared hurt. All you wanted was to pull him in and say how sorry you were. You just didn't know if he'd be ready to accept.
"Um, I think I'm in the seat next to you." You told him sheepishly. He moved from his place, allowing you to sit next to him by the window.
"I thought the staff usually sits together." He said, trying to prevent it from sounding like a complaint, because it truly wasn't. He wondered what force of fate had allowed your seat to be placed next to his. Little did he know that fate was from the Canary Islands. You sat next to him, adjusting your seat and the belt, before bouncing your leg nervously. The speed increased when you felt the vibration of the engine, watching the plane move from its parked space onto the runway. You wanted to say something - anything - but your throat was dry and the words failed you. You didn't know what to say to ensure that you would be forgiven. That was probably the scariest part: knowing that the forgiveness may never come.
"Are you afraid of flying?"
You turned your head at the question. Gavi's eyes were fixated on your sweatpants-clad thigh as it bounced at incredible speeds. There were many things you were scared of in that moment, but the plane didn't help quell any of them. You were going to be stuck next to Pablo for the next two hours at the least. The anxiety of not knowing how he felt towards you gnawed at your skin, eating you alive. You nodded your head, because in all honesty, it was the same fear, wasn't it? Flying, falling - all terrifying prospects.
Gavi put one airpod in, extending the other to you. It was a peace offering, the olive branch you had waited for. You accepted it graciously, muttering a quiet thank you as you slotted it into place. Your body turned back towards the window, 'Sky full of stars' playing softly in the right half of your brain. As the plane continued to move slowly down the runway, you felt a hand rest atop yours, bringing your bouncing leg to a halt. The skin on skin sent shockwaves through you, electricity running up and down your arm. His hand moved sideways, sliding under yours to lift, and then proceeding to interlock your fingers. The warmth of Pablo's hand, the strength of his grip. The slight squeeze as the plane began picking up speed. Despite lacking the confidence to look at him directly, you peaked at your joined hands. Pablo was here. And through the presses of his fingers and the soothing motion of his thumb, he reminded you that Pablo would always be here, so long as you would have him.
"y/n, Mister Xavi would like to see you now."
You hadn't even realized your hand was still laced with Pablo's until one of the assistant coaches came to collect you. Gavi had drifted off into a light sleep, waking as he felt the cold hit his once warm palm. He grabbed your wrist as you tried to follow the assistant coach.
"Don't leave." He said, voice dry and raspy. You weren't sure if he meant now or the club. You moved your hand to join it with the one on your wrist, giving a gentle squeeze of reassurance, as he had done for you.
"Don't worry. I'll be right back."
This was your first time on a plane that had a lounge. The coaching staff was spread across all four sofas, drinking champagne and discussing the efforts from this trip. Xavi sat at a table, an empty seat across from him.
"Doctora, welcome back from Chelsea. Did you enjoy your visit?" He asked, offering your a flute that you politely declined.
"It was wonderful. The staffand players were all great. I'm grateful for the opportunity."
Xavi raised an eyebrow at the diplomatic answer. You were not giving him much of an indication as to your decision. He reached into his bag and extracted a medical file, sliding it over to you.
"As I'm sure you saw on TV and online, Pedri suffered quite a severe injury during the Man U match. Pedri is a key component of our midfield, and Luca has estimated eight to ten weeks for his recovery. I'd like you to take a look at his medical examination report and recommend a course of treatment."
You took the papers in your hand, looking at Xavi cautiously. What was the purpose of this exercise?
"Well, I've already told Pedri that his brace was incorrect, and gave him the specifications for a sleeve to buy once we return home. The eight to ten weeks metric is based on the healing with this immobilization boot. Using the correct compression sleeves and ice, as well as rest, Pedri should be back on in 4 weeks. Five if you want to be safe. That would mean his first appearance back would be the SuperCopa semifinals."
Xavi laughed to himself, collecting the files and returning them to their place. He pulled out another sheet of documents, the words "Adjusted Contract" in bold at the top.
"Doctora y/l/n, it has become increasingly evident as I watch you practice and treat our players that you are a generational talent in sports medicine. You have a deep understanding of the body that few others, both in the club and outside, can fully grasp. At Barca, we strive to do everything in our power to keep generational talents in Camp Nou. I would like you to consider remaining at the club until the summer, when contract renegotiations occur. This would allow you to see out a season that you have contributed so greatly to."
"Why the new contract now then?"
"Just a few clause adjustments. Firstly, we have increased your compensation to absorb your living costs. Those will now be covered by the club. The other change is on this page here. It states that your main focus must be on starters, injured prioritized before healthy. So, if you choose to accept, Pedri would be the top priority as an injured starter. You would dedicate all the necessary time to his treatment."
You scanned the document, and it was just as he said. No other nonsense, just the clauses on compensation and prioritization.
"This is all so flattering sir, but..." Your voice trailed off, shy to speak in front of a legend and the man holding your future in his hands.
"What can we do to make this deal irrefutable?"
"The contract is perfect sir. What I would need is a promise from you. Chelsea's base compensation was higher, but the compensation was based on the number of services the medical staff provides. I could be fired at any moment if not enough players were comfortable being treated by me. I felt, or well rather I didn't feel the sense of loyalty, of family, that I get as Barca. And so I would need a promise from you."
"Name your demand."
"When the summer comes and my contract needs to be renegotiated, keep me on the team. Don't try and pawn me off to someone else. This is my team, my club, my family. So you have to promise me that I have a future here, or else I'll save the heartbreak and leave now."
Xavi placed a pen on the table, bringing his chair forward to be as close as possible to you. "Doctora, you are an incredible and frankly priceless asset to us. We were able to hand select you from the best of the best new physios in Spain. Our successes, any trophies and titles, we owe them in part to you. Help me finish the season with a strong and healthy squad, and I swear to you on my life that you will have a place at Barca until the day you die." He stretched out his hand, and you took a deep breath, meeting the shake midway. It felt weird, signing your contract again, but for more money. You definitely didn't expect to be in this position before you've even graduated, but it brought a pride to your soul. Xavi saw something in you. A generational talent. Somebody believed in what you could do.
You returned to your seat and found that it was Gavi's turn to bounce his leg. You sat down, and he followed you with his eyes. After a moment of silence, he spoke.
"Did you enjoy your trip?"
"Very much so. I got to meet Joao Felix."
Gavi's face turned to you, catching the beaming smile that broke out across your face.
"Yeah? You like him in person, or was he a disappointment?"
"He was less... dreamy than I had anticipated. But still sweet nonetheless. It was a cool experience."
Gavi responded with a hum, turning his music back on and looking away from you. His other airpod sat on the tray table, right where you left it.
"Pablo," it was your turn to rest a hand on his bouncing leg, "we have to talk."
Pablo turned to you, eyes sad and lip between his teeth. "Do we? I feel like you've said everything there is to say." He knew he was being difficult. He knew he was being petty. But Pablo could not let himself get hurt again, especially not in front of the entire team. If he was going to mourn your departure, it was going to be in the comfort of his own guest bed, the one piece of furniture he could sleep on for 7 continuous hours because it held no memories of you. It was your turn to find his fingers and slot them between your own.
"I didn't mean it. Any of it. I have so many reasons why I didn't mention meeting you, Pablo, but I'm just not brave enough to tell you yet. It wasn't because it wasn't important. It could never be. You are one of the most important people in my life. You're one of the only people I have left. Please don't push me away."
His eyes met yours, and he knew there was no way he could remain angry. It was you, after all. The person that made Pablo believe in the possibility of a soulmate. The one that Gavi thought of whenever songs about incredible love came up on his playlist. You were it. He gripped your hand tighter.
"Going to be hard to support you from several countries away, but I will try my best."
"You don't have to. I'm staying."
Gavi's eyes widened, face lighting up like a kid who had just been gifted an entire candy store. "You're staying?"
"Mhm. Barca is my home. My family. No matter how bad it gets, I could never leave this place behind." It felt as though you spoke those words right into his soul, breathing life back into his very being. You were staying. Your voice, your laugh, your energy - all of it would be at Camp Nou, waiting on the sidelines as he fought tooth and nail to capture your attention. "And plus, Pedri and Xavi basically begged me to come back so Luca doesn't have to treat him."
Gavi let a laugh fill his lungs and spill from his throat, maybe a little louder than necessary on a midnight flight. But he was feeling genuine joy course through his veins. He was a man on death row with a second chance at life. He removed his hand from your grip, bringing to above you and resting it across your shoulders. Professionalism be damned. He just wanted to be close to you right now.
"Xavi was more convincing than Joao? I bet that would be a blow to his ego if he found out." It was comfortable, sitting with Pablo in this way. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to be this close to him. You pushed up the hand rest so that the two of you could get even closer. Professionalism be damned. They wouldn't fire you while Pedri was still limping.
"Oh yeah. Portugal boy is cute, but Xavi in 2010? That was my first love. I could never refuse a request from him." More giggles from Gavi. You wished you would bottle this moment, eager to make his happiness perpetual. He was human sunshine, and he deserved every light and happy and beautiful moment life could offer.
"The spiky hair? Really?"
"Shut up!" Coupled with a smack to the chest. You rested your head on his shoulder, exhaustion of the day and its stressors finally catching up to you. "Every man looks hotter when carrying a trophy."
Gavi let out a light laugh, turning to hide his blush. Yet another motivation to lift as many cups as possible this season. He offered you his other airpod again, which you accepted, inserting it as a soft melody filled your ears. Your eyelids were heavy, and you were drifting in and out of consciousness.
"One day, we'll need to talk about it properly, you know." Pablo said from above you, voice soft and serious.
You nodded your head, letting out a quiet "Mhm" in a agreement. You knew it was an inevitable conversation. You would have to eventually face the music, let Gavi free himself from whatever feelings were sitting on his chest. But you couldn't do it now. Not with your future up in the air. Not with your feelings for Gavi still a massive tangle of emotions.
"Not tonight." You said to him softly, as he turned his head to meet your eyes.
"No, not tonight."
Your eyes finally closed and you began drifting off. Pablo's arm remained wrapped around you as he leaned in closer, basically cuddling you on this plane. Thank the lord for blessing the engineers with enough foresight to install dividers. As you breathed rhythmically against his chest, he pressed his nose into your hair, breathing deeply. Why was everything about you so intoxicating?
In the haze of your sleep, you heard Pablo speaking to you. You listened intently, hoping to catch these special words that he only released to your sleeping form.
"Doctora, I would wait for you forever. Even when you hit rock bottom, I'll be there, waiting for you with a ladder. You will always have me, no matter what."
~~~~~~~
A/N: Guys I did it!!! My longest part to date! I am so flipping tired. It's 4am. I don't remember a time before I started writing this part. Anyways, we are chugging along y'all! Only two parts left in the main story!! I surpassed my 15k word goal. Maybe next part is 18k? I think the next part is going to be my favorite. I haven't decided if I want the big boom pow event to be in part 9 or 10. We will see. Again, apologies for the long time between updates, but semi-decent writing takes time. As usual, please leave thoughts, feedback, predictions, etc. in the replies - I love reading all of them so much!!! If you notice any easter eggs/ small details, feel free to point them out!!! There are so many and I love when y'all get them. IDK when part 9 is coming out but when it's done y'all will be the first to know. Ok love y'all byeeeee.
Also please comment if you want to be added to the taglist ok bye
*~*Taglist*~*
@l0verl4ne @vibinwkay @anastasia-nova @mxgvmiii @mads-grace4 @bubblebeep69 @katluckybear @scuderiabarca @alwaysclassyeagle @simpingmyassoff @grlwithprblms @lqvesoph @pink-manz @graziemille @xxenia14 @nngkay @icedlattewithextracaramel @gyusrose @vip-access @julianalvarez9 @lavie3nrose @ge0rg1ewaa @i8yul @lovefordilfs271 @remuslupinluver @thattaylorswiftobsessedbitch @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @kaismybabe @notanenthucutlet @fullsun9890 @venomwh0re @renaissancewhxre @gaviandgrizisgirl @altgojo @urmomdotcom5678 @eliseline @invidia-of-alhambra @pixwls @stell4rrrs @80sloverry @car1no-xx @mrsgavira @888bear @kylianmbappee @ivyhrry @gaviypedrisbride @grlwithprblms @dessxoxsworld @user6373738
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bestbouy · 7 months
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i think i just love the idea of the different universes with their like, styles???
like how Gwen's is totally watercolor and Hobie's is all scrapbookish punk n newspaper, y'know???? and, of course, Miles and Pavitr's are both more "normal" but they still have that... you know... v i b e... they're both normal but they have elements that make it their own. Like how Pavitr's universe is mainly super warm colors?
anyways this got me thinking y'know how it's super obvious Hobie has a different universe style?? not so much for Gwen because hers is a little different, but with the whole. changing skin, the OUTLINE, it's very obvious
I think it'd be super cool if in Hobie's universe, it's kind of like the opposite for anybody who's not from it? They have their own like, radius of... their own dimension???
I'm only comparing this to Hobie's dimension, it's very obvious none of this would happen in CANON so I'm literally just spitballing. Also because Hobie is the only one with the outline and funny overlay thing, and it'd be fun to play around with the other three's possible like,,, vibe!!
Gwen would leave like, imprints of watercolor? like dabbing it on a piece of paper, leaving color that dries out back to normal over time?? it would bleed into the world around her, it might even mimic her emotions with the color!
If she was upset it would be harsh, spread more, it would come out in spiked reds and blacks?
happy would seep in a lot more subtly, and cover a lot more space, but you wouldn't realize how much room it's taking up just because it's so slow to take it up and really is only at about.. idk, 20% opacity, slowly builds up the happier she gets? it would be more visible in puddles, just like with normal watercolor (Compared to anger, which would be very in-your-face and obvious)
It would rely a lot on her emotions, methinks, the stronger they are, the more visible the color!
Miles would have a sketchy, drawing-like atmosphere to him, kind of like what you can see on the spot y'know? and, since the spot came from Miles' dimension, I think it makes sense!
It would be less noticeable, but the things he interacts with would probably turn into a slightly stylized version of itself? A cup he holds or drinks from wouldn't change DRAMATICALLY, but it might copy his look and have sketch-like lines around it. Nothing huge, but enough that you can tell what he's touched in the past few minutes/hours
Pavitr would have a similar vibe to Gwen's, but with warm colors instead! His effect wouldn't change with emotions like hers, but it would probably bleed in the same way as hers. He would leave behind trails of warm oranges and yellows wherever he goes and leaving it behind on what he touches. He wouldn't notice this, but it would be veeery obvious to Hobie or anybody from his dimension.
Actually, I think the way that we can spot Hobie because of his differences in outline/radius effect would highly apply to them in his dimension! Everybody in Hobie's world can CLEARLY tell that Gwen, Miles and Pav aren't from there, and while the common person might not recognize they're from another universe, they might get the same feeling as if you were seeing like.. a skinwalker, or something. They're human, but it doesn't feel like it.
ANYWAYS back to Pavitr
He has a warm, cozy vibe, I think unlike the others his can seep more into emotions, I think he's an empathetic person and that melts into his little area effect. if he's super happy or excited about something the people around him get a tiny bit happier too!! when he's sad (and it's rly hard to make him sad bc this boy is POSITIVE THINKER #1) his colors get a bit colder, but I don't think they would affect other people like his happy ones do, honestly just SEEING such a normally happy guy so sad would do enough to ur mood than some radius effect lol
ANYWAYS that's just a lil thought. they are silly. and this is going into my ideas folder. have a good one n remember to drink water
(I would go on but this is super long already XD)
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dazais-guardian-angel · 8 months
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Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.
When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?
Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?
I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.
I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.
An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.
So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.
Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡
#bungou stray dogs#seriously call me a clown and point and laugh at me if I'm proven wrong all you want#but I really feel like there's solid evidence for this#either s5 isn't gonna reach 109 at all (but I seriously cannot fathom where you would want to stop before then) or they'll go beyond it#if they really do end it with 109....... well i'll give Bones kudos for having the balls to do that ig lol#maybe i'm underestimating (overestimating???) them idk#also just to clarify I don't wanna make it sound like I think Asagiri let the anime/Bones dictate the manga's pacing#like I'm sure these were his/their (him and Harukawa's) own decisions first and foremost#not that (if this theory is true) the anime had a major impact on how the chapters were split and that it-#-would have been extremely different otherwise#i'm pretty confident in that Asagiri does not do anything with BSD he isn't comfortable with#and he doesn't let anyone tell him how to write his story#I just feel like he worked with Bones to make this near-simultaneous release happen#BUT if this is the case I don't feel like it had any major effect on the writing/final product that is the manga#like the last handful of chapters have been so incredible#so I at least am still perfectly happy lol#(i mean i'm devastated and a nervous wreck but u know 🫡 in a good way lmao)#anyway 110 in two days please let this theory be true because I need some fucking hope already#please let Oda show up as Dazai's guardian angel to help (see what I did there-)#it would be the perfect way to end the collective season that is 4/5 with s4 beginning with Oda and now ending with Oda#Asagiri are you reading me are you picking up what I'm putting down please please a ghost Oda is long overdue please-#Oda Verlaine Adam just GIVE ME SOMEONE ALREADY 😭😭😭#MAYBE EVEN A TASTE OF THE FYODOR BACKSTORY TO TIE INTO HIM BEING IN ANIME UNTOLD ORIGINS. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS
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ukiyowi · 11 months
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Mini PAC II - Shufflemancy!
Notes: Please check out the Masterlist for more! Reblogging and paid readings help a lot! Pls DM me if you want one!
What song best represents your current energy?
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Read from left to right, 1 - 3 then 4 - 6
Paid Readings! || Last PAC
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1. Mile High - Salina Killa
The song "Mile High" by Salina Killa typically represents a vibrant and energetic atmosphere. Its upbeat tempo and catchy melodies often evoke feelings of excitement and positivity. In the context of your current energy, this song suggests that you are in a phase of high energy and enthusiasm.
It encourages you to embrace a sense of adventure and aim for new heights in your endeavors. It signifies a period of striving for greatness and being unafraid to take risks. The lyrics and rhythm of the song may resonate with your desire to push boundaries, explore new horizons, and chase your dreams.
This song reminds you to maintain a positive mindset, harnessing the energy and momentum to propel yourself forward. It signifies that you are in a position to achieve great things, as long as you stay focused and motivated. Embrace the vibrant energy of "Mile High" and let it inspire you to embrace opportunities and overcome any challenges that come your way.
Remember to keep the song's message in mind as you navigate your current situation. It can serve as a reminder to stay determined, embrace excitement, and aim for the highest peaks in your life's journey.
2. Dressed up in white - CAL
The song "Dressed up in white" by CAL often carries a sense of purity, clarity, and introspection. It has a soothing and contemplative vibe, which suggests that your current energy may be centered around self-reflection and inner exploration.
This song encourages you to embrace a sense of tranquility and simplicity in your life. It signifies a period of clarity and a desire for emotional purity. The lyrics and melodic tones of "Dressed up in white" may resonate with your need for a calm and serene state of being.
The song invites you to take a step back, examine your thoughts and emotions, and find solace in the beauty of simplicity. It may signify a time of shedding unnecessary burdens and focusing on what truly matters to you. It encourages you to embrace a more peaceful and centered way of living.
Allow the essence of "Dressed up in white" to guide you towards a state of tranquility and self-awareness. Take this opportunity to engage in introspection, listen to your inner voice, and seek clarity in your thoughts and feelings.
3. Washing Machine Heart - Mitski
The song "washing machine heart" by Mitski is known for its raw and introspective nature. It often delves into themes of vulnerability, emotional turbulence, and the complexities of relationships.
In the context of your current energy, this song suggests that you may be going through a phase of emotional intensity and self-exploration. It signifies a time of grappling with your emotions, perhaps feeling a bit overwhelmed or uncertain about certain aspects of your life.
"Washing machine heart" encourages you to confront and embrace your emotions, even the difficult ones. It speaks to the need for emotional authenticity and the importance of expressing yourself honestly. This song may resonate with your current journey of self-discovery and the exploration of your own emotional landscape.
Allow the essence of "washing machine heart" to guide you in acknowledging and processing your feelings. It reminds you that vulnerability is a strength and encourages you to navigate your emotions with compassion and self-care.
Take this opportunity to reflect on your emotional state, identify any areas of turbulence or unresolved feelings, and seek ways to address them. This song serves as a reminder that you have the strength to confront your emotions and emerge stronger and more self-aware on the other side.
4. Suffer with me - Líue
The song "suffer with me" by líue suggests a tone of shared pain or emotional connection. It may signify that you are going through a challenging phase in your life, where you may be grappling with difficult emotions or experiences. The title implies a desire for empathy and understanding from others during this time.
This song speaks to the importance of companionship and support during times of struggle. It signifies a need for connection and a reminder that you are not alone in your pain. It may be an invitation to reach out to loved ones or seek solace in the support of others who can empathize with your experiences.
While the title may initially sound somber, "suffer with me" can also be seen as a call for solidarity and unity. It suggests that in sharing our burdens, we can find strength and comfort together. This song may resonate with your current energy if you are seeking understanding, empathy, or a sense of community in the face of challenges.
Take this opportunity to lean on your support network, whether it's friends, family, or other individuals who can provide a listening ear or lend a helping hand. Remember that it's okay to ask for help and lean on others during difficult times.
5. Sweetest Pie - Megan Thee Stallion
"Sweetest Pie" by Megan Thee Stallion is known for its confident and empowering vibe. It embodies a sense of self-assuredness, celebrating individuality, and embracing one's own strength and beauty.
In the context of your current energy, this song suggests that you are in a phase of self-empowerment and embracing your unique qualities. It signifies a time of embracing your inner power and being proud of who you are.
"Sweetest Pie" encourages you to exude confidence and to fully embrace your own greatness. It reminds you to celebrate your achievements, talents, and the qualities that make you special. This song may resonate with your current journey of self-acceptance and self-love.
Take this opportunity to fully embrace your own power and individuality. Recognize your worth, appreciate your accomplishments, and let your confidence shine. "Sweetest Pie" serves as a reminder that you have the strength and resilience to overcome challenges and achieve your goals.
Embrace the empowering energy of this song and let it inspire you to be unapologetically yourself. Celebrate your unique qualities, love yourself fiercely, and continue to pursue your dreams with confidence and determination.
Remember, this shufflemancy reading is meant to provide guidance and inspiration. Embrace the confident spirit of "Sweetest Pie" as you navigate your current journey of self-empowerment.
6. No - Meghan Trainor
"No" by Meghan Trainor is an empowering anthem that encourages setting boundaries, standing up for oneself, and embracing self-worth. It embodies a strong and assertive energy, reminding listeners of the importance of saying "no" when necessary.
In the context of your current energy, this song suggests that you are in a phase of asserting your boundaries and prioritizing your needs. It signifies a time of self-empowerment and embracing a sense of independence.
"No" encourages you to have the courage to stand up for yourself and make choices that align with your values and desires. It signifies a period of self-confidence and self-assuredness, where you are unafraid to assert your opinions and make decisions that serve your best interests.
Take this opportunity to evaluate your boundaries and ensure that they align with your values and well-being. Embrace the spirit of "No" by learning to say no to things that don't serve you, whether it's unhealthy relationships, excessive commitments, or negative influences.
This song reminds you that it's okay to prioritize yourself and your needs. By asserting your boundaries and saying "no" when necessary, you create space for self-care, personal growth, and pursuing what truly brings you joy and fulfillment.
Remember, this shufflemancy reading is meant to provide guidance and inspiration. Embrace the assertive energy of "No" as you navigate your current journey of setting boundaries and prioritizing yourself.
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andreal831 · 3 months
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Esther "Mikaelson" and Misogyny
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The misogyny in TVDU, in both the writing and the fandom, is exhausting. It comes out so much, especially when it comes to complex women versus complex men. Esther (yes, I know her last name is not Mikaelson), is not one of my favorite characters, she's not even a character I particularly like. But to act like she is an absolute villain with no redeeming qualities is a best misogynist, and at worst blaming a victim of abuse.
Most of the hate for Esther tends to come from certain character stans because they don't like how Esther treated their favorite character or want to shift the responsibility of their favs to Esther so that they don't have to deal with a complex, morally grey character.
Esther is a survivor many times over and we cannot talk about her without first acknowledging that. When she was just a teenager/young adult, her entire family was slaughtered and she and her sister were kidnapped. I know there is a lot of debate in the psychology community regarding Stockholm syndrome, but her falling for Mikael screams a manipulated, traumatized, naïve, young woman.
Esther and Mikael
Whether it was Mikael's intent initially or not, he took advantage of the mental place she was at when they met. People recently have wanted to argue whether or not Esther was abused, but this is not a debate. First, there are many different types of abuse, mental, physical, emotional, financial, etc.
During this time period, while Norse communities tended to give woman more power, Esther was from "outside" their community. Her rank in the community would come directly from her marriage. I personally don't know if she went into her relationship with Mikael in order to gain security or if she was just truly that naïve and wanted love and a family. There is nothing wrong with either. It reminds me of why Hayley decided to try and actually have a relationship with Jackson. Woman have historically had to make hard decisions in order to gain protection. And even if she just wanted to get married and have kids, that is fine. Esther reminds me of Meg March. Her dreams may have been different than Dahlia but that doesn't make them less important.
We see very little of their human lives and it is told from everyone else's perspective except for Esther. We also know that everyone's stories are not accurate. Klaus lied about Esther's death for a thousand years. He also has a tendency from not seeing things through other perspectives. Klaus, and even Elijah, when they talk about their human lives, focus on Mikael's abuse on Klaus because the show centers around Klaus and doing everything they can do to redeem him. There is no benefit to making Esther look complex or going into how living with Mikael impacted her. But it is naïve to say she didn't suffer abuse. She lived in a household with a violent, angry man. Even if he didn't physically hit her, which we honestly don't know but I would find that extremely hard to believe, it is clear he verbally, emotionally, and financially abused her.
People love to say she is a powerful witch and could have stopped him or left, but this is shifting the blame from the abuser to the victim. First, abuse isn't about who is stronger. This logic is completely dismissing so much abuse that happens, especially women abusing men. Yes, Esther is a powerful witch, but if she had no other options outside of Mikael, being powerful doesn't matter. We know she would put Mikael to sleep for long periods to protect her and her children. We don't know if she did anything else, but we have at least one example of her using her magic to intervene. We also know she stopped practicing for a long time because of her fear of dark magic and how the community treated Dahlia.
We also have to acknowledge that Esther had very few choices. Sure, she could kill Mikael but she would have gotten sentenced to death for that. Again, her position in the community came from her connection to Mikael, otherwise she was just another enslaved person from a village they raided. We know how Dahlia was treated. Maybe she could have run off with Ansel and they would have protected her from Mikael, or if he was dead, the villagers, but this is putting her, her children, and the pack in a dangerous situation. Potentially starting a war between the pack and the village for aiding and abetting a kin-slayer. She would also be acknowledging her affair and adultery by woman was met by serious punishments, usually death. After committing matricide, she also wouldn't have claims to Mikael's money or land as an outsider. Maybe in the "new world," but she would have to hide her involvement in his death. Esther would have no money or land of her own as her familial land and money would have been claimed when it was raided.
While women in Norse communities did experience more freedom than other areas of the world at that time, they were still far from free. This is especially true considering how Esther came to this community. While she wasn't enslaved in a way Dahlia was, it is wrong to say she wasn't still enslaved. Her entire village was killed and her and her sister were forced to come to their village and live amongst them as hostages. Esther was kept as a way to keep Dahlia in line. She was not welcomed into the community. This was a common practice during these raids.
The reason I get so angry when people attack Esther as if she wasn't a victim is because real-life victims hear this everyday. Esther's situation perfectly exemplifies the "non-perfect" victim and the fandom perfectly exemplifies how many of these victims are treated.
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Esther and Dahlia
Dahlia gets way more slack than Esther because she is a "more perfect victim." But again, we are getting the story from everyone's perspective but Esther. Yes, what Dahlia went through was horrible, but what she put her sister through was also horrible. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.
Dahlia had no right to expect Esther to give up her dreams for her, even though she did sacrifice a lot for Esther. She made that decision and took it on. Yes, it was noble, but again, she cannot expect anything for a choice she made. It is just like Klaus expecting his siblings to never leave him and punishing them when they do. Siblings do not owe each other their lives. I would also not blame Dahlia for leaving Esther behind to protect herself.
On top of that, when Esther went to Dahlia and asked for help, she took advantage of the situation and stole her child. I don't care what Esther promised or how much she understood of the situation, clearly at the moment Dahlia came for Freya, Esther did not want to give her up. If we look at it in a modern perspective, a mother who puts her child up for adoption has the right to change their mind because, morally, we understand it is impossible to understand how you will feel until that moment. If a person than steals the child after the mom changes their mind, that's kidnapping. If we look at it from a historical perspective, Norse communities were patriarchal and the children belonged to Mikael. Meaning Esther did not have the ability to "sell" her children.
Dahlia is given a lot of sympathy in the fandom because they relate her story to Klaus, who they spend a lot of time victimizing. So it makes an easy leap to paint Dahlia as the victim and Esther as the "evil" one. But again, we never see how Esther reacted to her sister casting her aside because she wanted love and a family. or how Mikael treated her throughout their relationship. Even if Dahlia ended up being right about Mikael, whether he was always evil or turned evil losing Freya, Dahlia doesn't get to make that decision for Esther. It is hard to watch someone you love get into an abusive relationship, but you can't tell someone what to do with their life. All you can do is try and be there for them when they need help.
Esther and Klaus
Another reason people hate on Esther is because of her relationship with Klaus. I personally think Esther loved Klaus the most because of who his father was. She babies him in a way she never did with the other's. We even see Finn resenting her treatment of Klaus because of it.
Yes, she does give him the necklace which ends up making Mikael target him to "make him strong." But, one, let's blame the abuser and not shift blame to a fellow victim. And two, what would you have her do? Sure the answer is probably, don't have an affair, but then your fav character wouldn't be there. Also, again, she was young and naïve. She also gets more blame for having an affair than Mikael does for beating a child. She made a mistake and did everything she could to protect Klaus from that mistake. Was it misguided, maybe, but her intention was good. She wanted to protect Klaus from Mikael finding out.
The fact that Esther can forgive Klaus for brutally murdering her shows how much she loved him. Her wanting to kill her kids later is honestly understandable. She never knew the side affects of the spell she performed. She watched her children become the worst versions of themselves for a thousand years and felt the guilt for every life they took. She also knew peace existed since she had been on the other side. When she first tried to take their lives, they would have all just gone to the other side. She didn't want them to suffer but wanted the pain they inflicted on the world to end.
The Misogyny of it all
The reason I say it is misogyny, is because every favorite character in this show has done absolutely terrible things. Klaus, and all of the Mikaelsons, are serial killers. It doesn't matter what reasons they had for doing it. Esther had her own reasons for her actions. The fact that people can't acknowledge Esther as a complex character but can do so for Klaus, Damon, Elijah, Stefan, etc. shows that it is based on misogyny. Even the fact that Dahlia, someone who kidnapped and abused a child, gets more love than Esther because Esther isn't a "perfect victim" shows it is rooted in misogyny. Men are allowed to be messy and complex but when it's a woman they are either a victim or pure evil.
I'm not saying there aren't things you can't hate her for. I hated her treatment of Elijah in Season 2 of TO and her plan to harm Hope. But to ignore the complexity of the character and pretend she wasn't a victim is just harmful rhetoric. Women are allowed to be complex and morally grey.
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im-in-a-love-cult · 7 months
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Marauders era headcanons!!
The Royal court
Requested by @thestarslittleking
Sorry if you disagree with some of them!!
Regulus
Pouty
Like a pout is almost always on his face
His eyes are really telling of his emotions sometimes
Likes physical contact with people hes EXTREMELY close with
Likes being called Reg by people hes close with
If a random person calls him it theyre going to the hospital 💀💀
Bi, trans and asexual
'Its the 70s he wouldnt be-' kindly stfu 💞💞🥰🥰
This is a common one but hes practically a poet
Strong French accent
Japanese/british English/ French
As i said in the previous hcs his accent is stronger then Sirius's
Loves the water
He's actually really smiley around his friends
Classical music but when he gets into his later years in hogwarts he starts to like goth music
I can see him being good at gothic dances
Black cat animagus IDC
Barty
unhinged
Thats it. Thats the hc.
A whore tbh
Liked Reggie for a while
Until he was like 'dayum look at Evan 😼'
LMFAO
Ok I'll try not to include too many ships in these
This isnt my original idea but affectionately bites people
'Barty... what're you doing?" "Nom"
When drunk hes...something
Take that how u will
Tw for drugs in the next hc!!
Honestly more of a weed kinda guy
Ok tw over continue reading
Professional complainer
If complaining was a job he'd be the richest man alive (well not alive but..)
ROCK MUSIC
queen fan idc
Him and Sirius are actually very similar in a lot of areas
Thats why Reggie was drawn to Barty
Plays the drums
He wears tank tops a lot
Always hurts somewhere
Its mostly his fault
I can see him being bi with a preference for boys or just full on gay
Dorcas
Sirius has competition to whos the most beautiful person in the Marauders era fr
Almost always has locs or braids
Scarily good at makeup
Tall
Potential to be a 2000s Victoria secret model fr
Has the most beautiful soothing voice
Lesbian non-binary (they/she)
So many people have a crush on them
Fav alcohol is wine
Classy 😻😻
Extremely smart
Really long eyelashes
I love her
Doesn't care for animals
Really likes dragons tho
HER AND REGGIE ARE A POWER DUO IDC
Steady hands
Wears lots of rings
Ignores people a lot 💀💀
Sassy as HELLL
Barely ever means it tho
Evan
One of those scary blue eyed blondes
Kind of a less energetic version of Barty
BISEXUAL IDC
A gentleman to all girls he dates
All the boys got usual, casual dating
Barty gets to be treated like a one of those dogs that look like rats 🥰
I KNOW WHAT THE NAME IS BUT I CANT SPELL IT
Chiwawa
Ciwawa
Chiwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can see him having really light freckles
Will punch someone in the face for funsies
"Evan why would you do that!?!" "I was bored bro"
BARELY passes his tests
He passes but only by a few marks
Loves making fun of peoples voices
Its his favourite pastime
Pandora
So unnecessarily nice to 1st years
And everyone tbh
Smiley
Pansexual
Loves animals of any kind
If shes angry shes lowkey scary 😨😨
Actually really funny
Her hairs messy 84% of the time
When shes too active or gets too hot her cheeks go really red
ME TOO BABES ME TOO 😭🤞
Spaces out so easily
Blonde blue eyed but less scary than evan 😭
A bit of a potty mouth
Also really smart
"Wow this friend groups so smart!" And then theres Evan and Barty 💀💀
Really posh accent
Has scars from thorns and animals and shit 💀
Loves learning new things
No matter what that thing it
'Knowledge has no boundaries' i feel like she says that
Or at least goes by it
Shes so real wtf
YES YOU CAN MAKE REQUESTS!! I'm new to this so please be patient 😭 i prefer requests to be put in my asks!! Thanks for the positive feedback yall :)
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thegeyisshowing · 7 months
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Oh, baby....
Fluff level 10000000%
Pairing: Larissa Weems x Wife!reader
Summary: Your wife Larissa and you sit down and have a talk. Absolute fluff and more chapters to come!
Warnings: None
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Chapter 1: Did you just say that?
Y/n and Larissa stood hand in hand, their fingers entwined like the roots of two ancient trees. The setting sun painted the sky in hues of pink and orange, casting a warm glow over the idyllic countryside just outside of Nevermore where they had chosen to build their life together.
It had been three years since they had exchanged vows under a canopy of oak trees, surrounded by their closest friends and family. The two had joined their lives in a union that defied conventions and captured hearts from everyone around, even their students.
Their love had grown stronger with each passing day, a testament to the undeniable connection they shared. The students and other teachers gossiped about them "sneaking around," but they paid no attention. They had each other, and that was all that mattered.
As they strolled through the lush meadow that stretched out behind their charming farmhouse, Y/N's heart swelled with happiness. She looked up at her beloved Larissa, whose striking blue eyes sparkled with an undeniable joy.
"Lissa," Y/n whispered, her voice trembling with emotion, "I can't believe how lucky I am to have you in my life. Every day with you feels like a dream come true."
Larissa squeezed your hand gently and smiled down at her. "Honey, you are my everything. I cherish every moment we share together."
The wind whispered through the trees, carrying with it a sense of anticipation, as if nature itself was holding its breath, waiting for the next chapter of their story to unfold.
That evening, after a delicious homemade dinner, the couple sat together on their cozy porch swing, gazing up at the summer starlit sky. Y/N nestled her head against Larissa's shoulder, feeling a sense of peace wash over her.
As the night went on, you turned to your wife with a mysterious glint in her eye. "Lissa, I have something to ask you," she said, her voice filled with a mixture of excitement and nervousness.
You looked up as your heart raced. "What is it, my love? You're making me curious."
A slow, radiant smile spread across your face. "I think... I think I want to have a baby."
Time seemed to stand still as Larissa processed your words. Her eyes widened with disbelief and then overflowed with tears of joy. She threw her arms around you, holding you tightly.
"Oh, Y/N, you've just made me the happiest person in the world!" Larissa exclaimed, her voice trembling with emotion. "A baby? Our baby? As in you want to make a mini us?"
You nodded, your own eyes brimming with tears. "Yes, Lissa, our baby. I have been really thinking about it, and it feels like there is a hole right here." You pointed to your chest and looked down. "Like I can't stop the dreams, and honestly, I don't want to. I know I said I didn't want kids, but this big house needs little feet running around. And so do I." You told her the last bit was almost a whisper.
"My love, I never wanted to push you, but I want that too. But I would sacrifice that to be with you. Are you completely positive you want to do this? She looked deep into your eyes, and you whispered, "Absolutely honey"
The night sky seemed to shimmer with newfound magic as you held each other, envisioning the beautiful journey that lay ahead. Your love, which had already defied so many odds, was now blossoming into a new chapter, one filled with hope, dreams, and the promise of a family of your own.
Little did you two know that this tiny miracle soon to be growing within you would bring the two of you even closer together, forging an unbreakable bond that would transcend all challenges. A true love story, which had captured the schools' full attention, was about to become even more extraordinary as they embarked on the adventure of parenthood.
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kitthepurplepotato · 3 months
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Chapter 16 - A deep conversation
Summary: Deku’s worries float away with Rody’s surprise visit. Literally.
Izuku’s lips get loose after a few pints. (It was one single pint, but don’t tell him I told you that.)
Warnings: mentions of depression, really brief mention of suicide but I swear it’s a cute, fluffy chapter! 😂 also… alcohol. Drink responsibly. Don’t be a Deku.
First Chapter Master List
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
“Rody?!” Izuku shrieks, completely dumbfounded.
You can’t help but smile fondly as Rody hugs Izuku and starts muttering death threats into his ears.
“If you ever pull that shit again, I’ll come over on my helicopter and kill you myself, you fucking asshole. You understand, buddy?” Rody mumbles while Pino cries on Izuku’s shoulders, snuggling into his hair. Izuku was right. Rody has the most interesting quirk you’ve ever seen.
“I’m so happy to see you, buddy.” Izuku sniffs because that’s who he is; if an emotion is even a tiny bit stronger than his normal, he cries about it, positive or negative. Rody rolls his eyes, but Pino still cries a river. Honestly, this guy a perfect example of how different humans act in front of of others. It’s mesmerizing. And sad. “I have so much to tell you, oh my god! You know how I got a roommate thanks to Jirou? She’s so pretty and so sweet, Rody, I fell in love with her right away, she’s also a big fan of me and …”
“Izuku, I’m here. I can hear you.” You giggle as Izuku starts to blush aggressively. “Why don’t you have this conversation with him after eating something? You can have a cider or a beer in the garden?”
“What about you?” Izuku gives you his biggest puppy eyes. Rody laughs fondly at your shenanigans.
“Oh boy, you have it bad.”
“Oh boy, he really does.” You giggle to yourself with a slight blush on your face. “I need to finish my commissions, Izu. I’ve been neglecting it in the past few days.” Izuku looks so heartbroken; he’s little libs wobble, his eyes are full of tears and… fuck, you are way too weak against his puppy eyes. “Okay, I’ll leave you two alone for an hour, then I’ll join. But let’s eat first. Rody must be hungry.” You sigh as Izuku attacks you with kisses on your cheeks, because this guy has no shame.
“I guess I don’t need to ask how the rest of the story went.” Rody gives you a knowing smile. Izuku is abssolutely out of it, literally floating around from the happiness. Floating. Like, for real. By the time he makes it into the kitchen he head bumps into the ceiling.
“Wow, are you sure you are not in love with Rody? You haven’t kissed the ceiling before.” You tease your man who only moans, incapable of getting down by himself. “I’ll get the ladder, you keep him away from the window.”
“Yes, sir!” Rody smirks.
You have no idea what’s happening, but one thing is for sure; you haven’t laughed this much in your whole fucking life. You really thought Izuku can not surprise you anymore, but clearly, you have a long way to go before you actually get to know this man. Thank god you have your whole life to get to know him.
~•🥦•~
“So…” Izuku scratches his head awkwardly as he comes back from the bedroom. He decided to call his doctor, just in case. “Apparently, my floating might be the after effect of my meds. The ones I got for my mood.”
“So you got overexcited like those puppies who pee themselves when they see their owner?” Rody chimes in with a smirk on his face. You swear you heard his tummy rumble, but you decide not to mention it yet.
“Basically, yes. I got some meds to lift my mood but I didn’t really need to take them today but I took it out of habit, then… a lot of good things happened and… yeah.”
“Well, at least you didn’t pee yourself.” You tease, tapping the seat next to you with a fond smile. “Come on puppy, Rody is starving.” You giggle as Izuku puts his pretty little bum down on the seat. Rody is so fucking ready to eat it’s actually quite hilarious; you don’t need Pino’s help to know he will devour whatever you put in front of him, even if it tastes like shit (hopefully, it does not.)
Just as expected, Rody jumps on the food right as you pop the serving in from him; you brought a little bowl over for Pino as well, not entirely sure if she eats human food or not, but you definitely did not want her to feel left out. You also brought over some seeds Izuku kept for the birds in his garden, just in case.
“I hope you payed for your ride this time.” Izuku looks at his friend with suspicion. You have no idea why this is the first question that comes out of your boyfriend’s mouth, but there is probably a story behind it.
“Yes and no.” Rody answers honestly and you can see Izuku’s frown deepen at that. “Wait! Jesus, just because I haven’t payed for a bus ride doesn’t mean I’m going to sneak on a fucking plane! That’s actual crime, Izuku!”
“Not paying for a bus ride is also a crime, Rody!” Izuku retorts. At this point, you are just blinking at the two, utterly confused.
“I haven’t payed for the ride itself, because I was the pilot. Your bestie, Katsuki, was nice enough to let me park at your agency’s helipad.” Rody admits. “Some of my friends wanted to visit Japan anyway and as you know, I work at a private jet charter company, so… they chipped in. Every pilot is allowed to use the planes once a year for personal reasons, I usually use mine to take my siblings away from the city but after I heard what happened from Katsuki, I decided to come over.”
So he was worried. That’s so sweet!
“Why didn’t you bring Roro and Lala over?!” Izuku pouts. Rody only laughs at that.
“They have school. They are big enough now to stay alone for a week but I asked my girlfriend to stay over at our house, just in case. They are probably having the time of their lives without me.”
“Your girlfriend?!” Izuku shrieks, almost choking on his soup. You gave him a proper bowl this time because you didn’t want him to feel like a kid in front of his buddy but he still managed to look like one, so all your efforts were in vain.
“Yeah, uhm…” Rody and Pino’s face reddens. “She’s works at the company. Super cute. I had a crush on her since day one. Then we went out drinking together with the guys and uhm… yeah. It’s not too romantic but we haven’t left each other’s side since. Life is great, you know… and I can only thank you for that. You opened my eyes and made me realize I can live a proper life and get money in a respectful way. I wouldn’t be here without you, you know. So thank you. I will bring my siblings over next year. They also want to thank you.”
Needless to say, Izuku cries again. Then he floats. Everyone screams. Thankfully, you manage to grab him before the whole table flips.
~•🥦•~
“Life has been hectic. I don’t… I don’t know what’s going to happen, you know. With my career, I mean. I might lose my spot… hell, I probably will.” Izuku mutters, playing with the condensation on his almost empty glass.
Saying that Izuku is okay now is an overstatement. The last few weeks were terrible. Everything felt empty, like he’s only a shell, an empty vessel with needs and desires, but they all felt so distant, so fake, he had to force himself to actually eat and shower. It was a struggle to keep himself alive, especially in the first week. The pain was excruciating, being unable to move was frustrating the hell out of him and not even the hot bubble bath and the massive amount of medicine could soothe his troubled soul and broken body. He hurt the most important person in his life, daily, he made Sweet Pea cry every night; he could hear it sometimes, barely there but loud enough for him to notice during the sleepless nights. He has so much atoning to do, so much to make up for but he also needs to heal so he can save people again and it’s really hard to find the perfect middle ground. He’s so happy but he’s also not… it’s like he’s in the pink clouds, but with weights pulling his legs down and he needs to work hundred times harder with to stay up there while before it was easy as breathing. Izuku wants to be his old self, he really wants to; he misses his old, silly self, or to be exact, he misses when he didn’t feel dread after every laugh, thinking that be should be out on the field, fighting instead of having fun with his girlfriend. Izuku knows this is something every hero needs to go through at least once; All Might himself told him he also felt the same when he had to retire, this constant guilt and dread every time he dared to feel happy about something. It’s normal but it doesn’t make it easier to endure.
“Does she know?” Rody gives Izuku a sad smile.
“Of course. She also knows I’m genuinely happy when I’m with her, I’m glad we can have some time together, to finally talk about our future and get used to each other properly. We didn’t have time to do that you know.” Izuku sighs. “I could barely be home. All she’s done in the past few weeks was waiting for me to come home and see me for a few hours. I couldn’t ruin that time with talking about deep stuff, but now we can actually… talk. It doesn’t make it that much easier though. I can’t lift this glass with my other hand, you know. I’m aware of it and it’s killing me. I would be completely useless if it’s not for black whip. But then she looks at me like I’m the most perfect human being on this whole planet, her pretty eyes shining and… I almost believe it’s true. That this is temporary and I’ll be back to my old self in a heartbeat. It’s not the truth though. I’ll get my heart broken several times before I make my way back to being a hero… and I’m not ready for it. I’m not ready to give up on being the number one. I worked my ass off for it. I cried blood, I sweat blood, yet here I am, on the verge of loosing everything. It makes me question if it was worth it, leaving my mother alone in that house, leaving Sweet Pea alone for days, weeks, breaking her heart over and over because I couldn’t make it home.” Rody is about to say something but Izuku stops him. Rody stays quiet but he slowly moves the glass of cider away from him, even though it’s already almost empty. “I know I’m being stupid. I know this is all in my head. The vestiges tell me that every day. They were talking to me so much when I was in my deepest, darkest phase. Whispering into my ears, telling me I did well, telling me this is not the end. I know that. I know I’m going to work my ass off again and again to get back where I was, it just sucks that I need to.”
“It’s normal to be frustrated when life isn’t going the way you wanted it to.” Rody mutters. “It suck even more when you loose your path thanks to something you can’t control. I know, I’ve been there.” He sighs. “When I lost everything after my father disappeared and I had to take care of two kids when I was supposed to be enjoying my youth, I was really frustrated. It only got worse once I realized I can’t make any money legally thanks to my age. There was a point when I wanted to end it all because I didn’t see the point in fighting. I felt like every step I make just makes the situation worse. But then I thought about my siblings. I thought about their future and about how I can at least make sure they have a good life. Without me, they would’ve been taken away. That kept me going. Then I met you. This is not the end, Deku. Once you fall deep enough, it’s only up from there. That’s what I want you to remember when the hero ratings are out.”
“You are right. I’m being an idiot. I have a roof above my head, enough money in the bank to cover my absence, I have amazing friends, family and an amazing girlfriend.” Izuku admits. “My friends are amazing heroes who can cover for me. It’s not the end of the world.”
“You are an idiot, yes, but I would question your humanity if you wouldn’t have thoughts like that. You are not a robot. You are doing really good compared to your circumstances, but don’t let that stop you from feeling like shit sometimes. Let the frustration out. Don’t bottle it up. This is your one chance to be a real human being without any consequences. Enjoy it. Heal yourself. Let us help, we are here for you.”
Izuku can’t help the tears, and he doesn’t want to; he lets them out, salty streaks trailing down his cheeks as he cuddles into his friend, body shaking like a leaf.
“I’ll be fine, because you guys are with me.” He cries. He feels weirdly dizzy all of a sudden. Hm. Interesting. “I’ll be fine because I want to have fun with everyone. I want to live my life with no regrets. I’ll do my best so I can welcome Roro and Lala with a smile on my face. I’ll do my best, Rody. I will!”
While Rody is clearly laughing at Izuku’s sudden shenanigans, Pino is bawling together with him so Izuku knows he’s not actually being laughed at.
“Okay, sweetheart, you had way too much drink.” Sweet Pea comes into Izuku’s view, giggling with teary eyes. Did she hear him? Was he yelling?
“I’ll make you happy!” Izuku yells into Y/N’s face, because… well… because he can. “I’ll make you really-really happy! And I’ll marry you! We will have five kids! You hear me?”
“Three kids max, Izu. Now let’s put you to bed.”
“But I don’t wanna!!!!”
“Hm.” Rody snickers to himself. “Only two more to go, you clearly have one kid already.”
“HEY!!!!!!!!”
“Why are you yelling?” Y/N giggles.
“Because I will make you happy! Can we get that dog now? I’ll name him All Bark.” Both of them burst out laughing. Why is he being manhandled right now?! He’s completely fine! He can make his way towards the bedroom himself, thank you very much! Okay, maybe once he started crying the booze went into his head a tiny bit but he’ll get better in no time!
“Okay, sweetie, it’s bed time. Rody’s staying in my room today, you guys can chat some more in the morning! Rody needs to sleep, he had a long ride.”
That’s fair. Izuku can live with that.
“Okay…”
~•🥦•~
Secret Winter Cabin Trip! Sponsored by Rody
Eijirou: Hey everyone! Izuku’s friend from Otheon is in town and would like to invite you all to a special “winter wonderland” trip! It’s a 3 days trip, private plane and private cabins! Make yourselves free if you can!
Shouto: What’s the point if I can’t be the driver?
Eijirou: You can still call names and be in charge!
Amajiki-kun: Why am I here?
Eijirou: Because Izuku likes you and you never come out drinking! You can bring your support animal!
Katsuki: You are here because Eijirou’s been moaning about not seeing you for ages.
Mirio: I’m the support animal! And I’m in!
Iida: Sadly, I can’t make it this time! Send me photos, please!
Mina: Ahh, such a bummer! I also can’t make it 😭
Katsuki: Nah, not coming
Mina: LOL, good joke.
Katsuki: I know
Kyouka: Count me in!
Kaminari: Me and my buddy are coming too!
Shinsou: Well, apparently I’m coming, thanks for asking before you wrote that in the group chat you asshole
Momo: I’m coming! I’ll keep an eye on everyone!
Shouto: Wait… winter cabin? It’s not… winter?
Katsuki: I can’t believe it took 30 minutes for someone to question that part. My friends are fucking idiots.
Kaminari: OMGOMG Bakubro called us friends 😭
Katsuki: That was not the point, second hand Pikachu.
Amajiki-kun: I was too scared to mention that.
Eijirou: Don’t worry about the details. You’ll see! Bring warm clothes!
… Next Chapter!
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Potato ramble:
- Hey guys! I made a Ko-fi page just in case you guys would like to support me! Don’t worry, I’m not going to stop writing if I don’t get any donations nor will I start writing quicker if I do! (I literally can’t. I’m writing every day after work already 😂) I also don’t do prompts for money, so please don’t send me any on that site! I’ll make a proper post about this in the future! My main reason to do this is that I really wanted to start digital drawing this year but I ended spending my iPad money on getting my stupid laptop repaired so… every penny helps 😂
Click here if you want to check my page or donate! Thank you!
TL: @garfieldthomas @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @katsuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @ronimacaroni77 @themultifandomgirl @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @norvacaine @rei165 @unofficialmuilover @yao-ai @happydragonfrog @eeerreehhh @vinivave
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yourgaeyisshowing · 7 months
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Oh, baby....
Fluff level 10000000%
Pairing: Larissa Weems x Wife!reader
Summary: Your wife Larissa and you sit down and have a talk. Absolute fluff and more chapters to come!
Warnings: None
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Chapter 1: Did you just say that?
Y/n and Larissa stood hand in hand, their fingers entwined like the roots of two ancient trees. The setting sun painted the sky in hues of pink and orange, casting a warm glow over the idyllic countryside just outside of Nevermore where they had chosen to build their life together.
It had been three years since they had exchanged vows under a canopy of oak trees, surrounded by their closest friends and family. The two had joined their lives in a union that defied conventions and captured hearts from everyone around, even their students.
Their love had grown stronger with each passing day, a testament to the undeniable connection they shared. The students and other teachers gossiped about them "sneaking around," but they paid no attention. They had each other, and that was all that mattered.
As they strolled through the lush meadow that stretched out behind their charming farmhouse, Y/N's heart swelled with happiness. She looked up at her beloved Larissa, whose striking blue eyes sparkled with an undeniable joy.
"Lissa," Y/n whispered, her voice trembling with emotion, "I can't believe how lucky I am to have you in my life. Every day with you feels like a dream come true."
Larissa squeezed your hand gently and smiled down at her. "Honey, you are my everything. I cherish every moment we share together."
The wind whispered through the trees, carrying with it a sense of anticipation, as if nature itself was holding its breath, waiting for the next chapter of their story to unfold.
That evening, after a delicious homemade dinner, the couple sat together on their cozy porch swing, gazing up at the summer starlit sky. Y/N nestled her head against Larissa's shoulder, feeling a sense of peace wash over her.
As the night went on, you turned to your wife with a mysterious glint in her eye. "Lissa, I have something to ask you," she said, her voice filled with a mixture of excitement and nervousness.
You looked up as your heart raced. "What is it, my love? You're making me curious."
A slow, radiant smile spread across your face. "I think... I think I want to have a baby."
Time seemed to stand still as Larissa processed your words. Her eyes widened with disbelief and then overflowed with tears of joy. She threw her arms around you, holding you tightly.
"Oh, Y/N, you've just made me the happiest person in the world!" Larissa exclaimed, her voice trembling with emotion. "A baby? Our baby? As in you want to make a mini us?"
You nodded, your own eyes brimming with tears. "Yes, Lissa, our baby. I have been really thinking about it, and it feels like there is a hole right here." You pointed to your chest and looked down. "Like I can't stop the dreams, and honestly, I don't want to. I know I said I didn't want kids, but this big house needs little feet running around. And so do I." You told her the last bit was almost a whisper.
"My love, I never wanted to push you, but I want that too. But I would sacrifice that to be with you. Are you completely positive you want to do this? She looked deep into your eyes, and you whispered, "Absolutely honey"
The night sky seemed to shimmer with newfound magic as you held each other, envisioning the beautiful journey that lay ahead. Your love, which had already defied so many odds, was now blossoming into a new chapter, one filled with hope, dreams, and the promise of a family of your own.
Little did you two know that this tiny miracle soon to be growing within you would bring the two of you even closer together, forging an unbreakable bond that would transcend all challenges. A true love story, which had captured the schools' full attention, was about to become even more extraordinary as they embarked on the adventure of parenthood.
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floralseokjin · 1 year
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⤑ 9 months to fall in love 24.
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It seems like everyone around you is either already in love, or in the process of falling, and while normally you couldn’t give a damn, finding out the co-worker you’ve had a teensy crush on is dating someone else at the office seems to sucker punch you right in the gut. It’s stupid, and you’re irritated at yourself, but you can’t seem to shake out of the funk you’ve fallen face first in.
Feeling lonely and heartsore, and mad for no reason, during drinks with your best friend you spot a man at the bar. Tequila confident, you make your way over to the stranger, and successfully one thing leads to another. The next morning you leave before he’s woken up, feeling satisfied in one way, but still as discontented as ever. Telling yourself it was an inebriated mistake, you quickly try to forget about it.
Only, three weeks later that night comes back to haunt you – in a very unescapable way…
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pairing; kim seokjin x f reader au/genre; unplanned pregnancy, strangers to lovers, slow burn, romance (dare I say romcom in places), smut, angst, (melo)drama, dual pov words; 4,073
warnings/includes (!) honestly nothing but happiness 
⟶ ao3 link
*inspired by the manhwa ‘Positively Yours.’
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↪︎ series index
SEASON THREE ⇤ previous | epilogue ⇥
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As soon as you held your daughter, you forgot the last twelve hours. The relief of no more pain, not another urge to push, no awful burning sensation – was immediate. But what was even stronger, was the relief that she was finally here. In your arms. Warm and soft. Small and fragile. Your vision blurred, but you blinked the tears away. Your heart felt like it was expending against your ribs. The love you already had for her impossibly doubling in strength. You couldn’t put a word on this feeling – you’d never felt it before. All you knew was that it was overwhelming in the best possible way. 
You held her to you as gently as possible, not wanting to let her go, studying her as if this was your only chance. As if someone was going to come and take her away from you. Her mop of black hair, her squished, beautiful face. Eyes open, large and dark as she gazed blankly at her new, bewildering surroundings. She had no clue what was happening right now but that was okay. She had you to look after her. You brushed over her cute button nose, carefully skimmed her full rosebud lips – definitely taking after her dad there. 
With that thought, you abruptly remembered where you were. It had only been a few moments since she’d been placed on your chest, but they had been enough to blank out everything and everyone. Seokjin. You looked up, seeing all of his attention on your daughter, gaze mystified. When you noticed a tear track down his cheek, you froze, momentarily caught off guard. You’d seen him sad, angry and overcome with emotion, but you’d never seen his tears. You reached for him with the arm that wasn’t supporting Sarang’s head and wiped the tear clinging to his chin. He blinked, your touch pulling him out of the trance he was under. Sniffing, a small, bashful smile appeared on his face as he wiped at his eyes. But he had nothing to be embarrassed about. He leaned in closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and kissed your clammy temple. 
You were a mess. Your hair had fallen out of its ponytail, tendrils plastered to your face with sweat. Thinking about it now, you were exhausted – quite possibly delirious with it. You could barely recall giving birth but your aching body could.  
“She’s here,” you whispered to him, watching as he ever so carefully stroked a thumb over Sarang’s round forehead, heart clenching. 
“She is,” he whispered back, marvelling when she peered at him with fuzzy eyes. She might not be able to take things in right now, but she could hear his voice. Could she recognise it? “Hello, Sarang,” he said softly, stroking a finger over her chin. 
“She’s perfect.” Your voice trembled with emotion and exhaustion. 
“She’s beautiful,” he smiled, “just like you.” 
Cradling Sarang’s tiny body with both hands, you moved forward as Seokjin leaned in to kiss your mouth, a hand holding the back of your head, the other touching your baby. “I love you,” you said.
He pressed a kiss to your nose while stroking your ear. “I love you. You’re amazing.”   
.
.
The next couple of hours went by in a whirlwind. 
You were encouraged to try breastfeeding immediately while Sarang was awake and alert, and delightfully, she took almost straight away. It didn’t last very long but she seemed content, her large eyes blinking slowly, already sleepy. From there, you passed the placenta and the umbilical cord was cut and clamped. They performed a physical on Sarang, (having her leave your arms was torture) and measured and weighed her. She was a pudding (an adorable one) at 8 pounds and 12 ounces – bigger than her father as a newborn by nearly half a pound! Still, it could have been worse. You didn’t need stiches! (“You have a sturdy vagina,” Yeonja would tell you a few hours later…) 
After that, and while Sarang was clothed and asleep, you were checked over and afterwards your midwife helped you wash and freshen up while the bed covers were changed. Then, you and Seokjin were left in private, which meant you both just watched wondrously over Sarang’s cot. That was until you got tired, able to get an hour or two in before she woke and wanted to try feeding again. In that time, Seokjin shared the good news with everyone, showing them pictures he’d already started snapping. 
It wasn’t until mid-afternoon did you feel like having visitors. You didn’t exactly feel human again, but it was as good as it was going to get for now, and you had two sets of very eager parents, as well as a brother and sister who desperately wanted to see their baby niece before they had to take the train back for school tomorrow. And a Yuna. Don’t forget you had a Yuna. She didn’t know who to fuss over first – you or Sarang. 
It was lovely to see everyone, but you found it hard to concentrate, most of your attention stolen by the beautiful daughter in your arms. And besides, you already preferred it just being you, Seokjin and your baby… In your own tiny, happy bubble. After months of waiting, you were finally a family. 
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The next morning, Seokjin left early (and reluctantly) to retrieve the car seat from the house. While he was there, he was going to take a shower too, so you were surprised when half hour later there was a knock at the door. Not only was it impossible for him to be back so quickly, but he also probably wouldn’t knock to come in. 
It turned out to be your father. He and Yeonja had stayed an extra night at the hotel but needed to head back home earlier than expected today for work. Yeonja was grabbing them breakfast a couple of streets down, but she’d be here soon to say goodbye. He immediately made a beeline for Sarang’s cot and it was almost strange to see such a look of pure, unabashed affection on your father’s face as he gazed down at his granddaughter. Not in a bad way, it actually made you feel quite emotional – but then again so were most things right now. You’d almost cried when Seokjin kissed you goodbye. 
“She’s beautiful just like her mom,” your dad said, smiling down at a sleeping Sarang. 
You’d only just put her down after giving her a feed. Your first night as a mom hadn’t been so bad. Yes, you’d barely gotten any sleep, Sarang waking up every couple of hours for some tasty colostrum. But you liked it that way, finding yourself reassured everything was okay and that she was healthy. Plus, Seokjin was there to keep you company, looking on raptly as if he didn’t want to miss one single moment. You’d already started picking up on her cues, knowing she wanted to feed when she started sucking on her tiny fist and making soft murmuring noises that made your heart clench. That, or she’d let out fragile little cries until you reached for her. 
“That’s what Seokjin said,” you laughed. 
Your dad looked over at you, his smile turning lopsided. “The man’s smitten.” 
You didn’t know whether he meant smitten with you or Sarang. Probably both, you told yourself, making you smile too. “You can hold her if you want,” you told him. 
He shook his head. “She’s sleeping.” 
“That’s okay. Go ahead.” By your estimations, she wouldn’t be for very long anyway. 
Ever so carefully, your dad reached down, gathering Sarang up and making sure to support her head. Your daughter slept on peacefully. You were silent for a moment, watching him gaze down at her and realising this was his first time. Your murky brain recalled he hadn’t held her yesterday, letting everyone else get their fill while he watched on with a small smile on his face. Now, he was leaning in, pressing his nose against her soft black hair, taking in that baby smell you couldn’t get enough of. 
“I remember when you were born,” he said eventually, voice more or less a whisper in case he woke Sarang. “I was too scared to touch you—to pick you up. You cried the hospital down the first time, which didn’t help. Hyesoo said I was just being silly. Well,” he chuckled, shaking his head, “that’s putting it nicely.” 
You snorted softly. Knowing your mom, she wouldn’t have used the word ‘silly’ where your father was concerned. It was probably something a lot meaner. You didn’t know how to feel about that. Trying to imagine you and Seokjin having a relationship like your parents once had was impossible. 
But mentioning your mom only made you miss her. She might not have been a perfect person, nobody was, but she was your mother and she had been perfect to you. She had loved you and you’d loved her. You still did, a love like that didn’t go away just because they had. 
“I wish she was here right now,” you murmured, your throat dry. You wished she was here, period. 
“I know, ____,” you father said sombrely. Then his mouth quirked into a slight smile. “She would be in her element. Your mom was a natural. She was born to be a mother.” He swallowed, staring down at Sarang hard. “I know it sounds corny, but she just… She loved you so fiercely.” 
Becoming a mother made you understand that feeling completely. You already loved Sarang so much it felt like you might burst when you looked at her. When you thought of her. What you felt for her was a little intimidating. Maternal love was powerful. You swiped a tear from under your eye as your dad placed Sarang back in the cot, gazing at her still. 
After a moment, he spoke again. “I’m so sorry.” 
You knew what he was apologising for, and you didn’t want to hear it anymore. “It’s okay. Things are different now.” 
“They are,” he agreed, looking over at you, giving you a small, determined nod. “I’m going to be there for Sarang always. Even if she says she doesn’t want it. Even if she doesn’t need it.” 
“She’ll always need you, you’re her granddaddy.” 
He stared at you, silent understanding passing between you both. He knew what you meant, what you were trying to tell him, just like you understood him. This was your second chance. He walked over and kissed the top of your head, surprising you. “Love you, kid.” 
Those three words made you grin. He used to tell you that when you were young. You’d cherished them until they’d turned into something that had caused you inexplicable hurt. Now, they only felt good. They felt safe and warm and as truthful as he’d always meant them. 
“I’m so proud of you, always have been,” he continued, voice thick with emotion. 
“I love you too, dad.” 
Once upon a time it had been hard to express your love to the people around you, but not anymore. It was getting easier each time. 
As you waited for Yeonja to arrive, you realised something. Your father had been the first person to break your heart. All this time you’d thought it was Taehyung, but before that it had been your dad. He had left and you had blamed him, despite realising it was the right thing to do with age. Mistakes had been made on both ends, but now you had Sarang, and it was because of her you and your father could try again. For real this time. It was all you could ask for. 
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Sarang’s second night was nothing like her first. Maybe it was the change in setting, or maybe she was more aware of her surroundings by now, but it felt like she was up the entire night. When you tried to feed her, she started to struggle with latching on. Exhausted, you could feel yourself becoming more and more anxious, worried that there was something wrong because she’d been feeding well at the birth centre but now she seemed fussier. Seokjin tried to be your voice of reason, but you could tell he was concerned too. Being first time parents, you felt out of your depth. You tried to recall everything you’d learned at breast feeding class, but all you could really concentrate on were Sarang’s cries, the sounds distressing you to tears. 
At 4am, at your wits’ end, you tried one more time and miraculously, after a few moments, you felt the gentle tugging sensation that told you she was feeding. So relieved, you stared down at her for the entire time, stroking her cheek and nose with the pad of your finger. When she was sated, you passed her over to Seokjin to burp, while you went to pee (and have a slight moment in the bathroom). When you came back, the sight that greeted you made you smile – even if it was an exhausted and emotional one. Seokjin had Sarang lying face down across his lap as he rubbed her back, supporting her chin with his hand, just like he’d been shown in one of the classes you’d attended. When he saw you, he shot you a proud, if not slightly scared, smile, as if to silently say: Look I’m doing it right – I think. 
When you got back into bed, you held her to your chest again, the feel of your skin and body warmth lulling her to sleep. Seokjin was the one who placed her back inside her crib, because you had fallen half asleep, and thankfully, after that, you both managed to get a couple of hours in before Sarang woke hungry again. 
The following nights were mostly a repeat of that, except Sarang no longer struggled with latching on. By then, your milk had started coming in and your breasts were fuller. Gradually Sarang was getting into a pattern, and you loved seeing her adorable little fist clutch on to you as she fed, her eyes drooping drowsily as she slowly fell asleep. 
Your days weren’t filled with much difference. At first, you found it pointless getting out of bed, especially when you were trying to nap every time Sarang was, but you knew you couldn’t keep doing that. You needed some form of routine. But that was easier said than done when you felt as though you were in the middle of the world’s longest period and suffering from afterpains. To top it all off, a blood test confirmed that you were anaemic again, but gratefully, Seokjin made sure you were eating iron-rich foods regularly. He wasn’t just there for you physically, but emotionally too, offering you encouragement and reassurance every time you needed it. You really wouldn’t know what to do without him, and you made sure to tell him that often. 
And not just him, but everyone else in your life helped in any way they could. Both sets of parents lived a short distance away, but they made sure to visit when they could, and one of Sarang’s first outings was to Seokjin’s parents’ home, where she met her uncle and aunt for the first time, as well as her very excitable cousins. Seeing Taeoh so happy to hold her, and with such care, made you tear up. If you thought being no longer pregnant would curb your emotions, you were wrong. If anything, you now cried even easier. Gone were the days when you seemed to only cry once a year. The floodgates were long broken. 
Your friends were great too. Yuna was always popping around when she had the time, fussing over her ‘adorable, beautiful niece’ and spoiling her something rotten even though she was barely weeks old. Although, if you were being honest, you thought your daughter preferred Jimin. She was always so content when he held her – not that you would say that to Yuna! Hoseok and Kang were equally as smitten. As were Namjoon and Yeeun, and everyone else who visited from work. 
Jungkook was the one who had fallen in love though. He was always calling himself Uncle Jungkook, and talking to her in one of those baby voices you were also guilty of doing. Only, when he did it, it made Haram practically swoon. One evening when he was visiting, Sarang let out the loudest fart in his arms. 
“Kim Sarang,” he gasped, thoroughly scandalised. 
“She gets that from her mother,” Seokjin said, sat next to Jungkook. He winced, then laughed when you whacked his arm. 
“Does not!” 
Another fart followed, only this one sounded wet and dangerous. 
“Let me,” Seokjin said, stretching his arms out for her because Jungkook was looking more disgusted by the second. “I’ll go change her.” 
“My pleasure,” Jungkook replied, looking as if he wanted to plug his nose. 
As Seokjin made his way upstairs, you watched him with a smile. A) Rather him than you. Sarang might be small and cute, but her waste was not, but B) Watching him dote on Sarang was beautiful. He was a natural, truly. Just yesterday, you’d caught him singing some nonsense song to her complete with its own choreography. It would be a while until she started laughing, but once she did, you had no doubts Seokjin would be a pro at making her do so. 
“Wanna stick around?” you asked Jungkook, taking the moment to sink back into the couch and let it try to absorb you. “You can witness a bath time? Sarang’s, not mine,” you added, earning a snot from him. “I think we’re ordering take out, too.” 
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Sarang’s cries jolted you from your sleep. You didn’t need to look at the clock to know it was 2am. Time for her second feed of the night. More than three hours of sleep in a row was now an unknown concept. You got out of bed with the ease of an expert, padding towards her cot. You’d swapped it for the wicker crib just last week. You wanted Sarang with you for a few months, not weeks like you’d previously thought. Your father’s hard work needed to be appreciated – and she needed to get used to it. Only thing was, she looked so tiny in just a giant thing, but that was a good thing, you reminded yourself. 
It already felt like she was growing so fast, time soaring by; it made you emotional. (What didn’t?) Seeing her small in her cot reminded you she wasn’t even a month old. You had so much time left. But a little longer would be better. Always. 
As soon as you took her in your arms, her cries quieted. Instead, she raised her tiny, wobbly fist to her mouth and began to suck hungrily. Okay, hint taken. You got into bed carefully, not wanting to rouse Seokjin. He had a habit of waking up with you, unless he was truly knocked out. You appreciated it, but he couldn’t keep it up. He would be back at work again soon. The realisation made you sad each time. You’d gotten used to being together day in day out, a unit that had made parenthood its bitch. You knew it couldn’t be the case forever, but it was yet another reminder that time was going too quick. 
As if your thoughts had stirred him, Seokjin reached over to flick the lamp on just as Sarang latched on. He rolled on to his back and rubbed his eyes before stretching. 
“Don’t,” you protested. “I didn’t want to wake you.” 
“I needed the bathroom anyway,” he answered sleepily, getting out of bed. 
When he came back a few minutes later, Sarang was mid-feed. “She’s really going to town,” he commented, climbing back in and sliding into the centre of the bed. 
“Best milk in the neighbourhood,” you joked, mouth quirking into a sleepy smirk. 
He chuckled, stroking through Sarang’s thick mop of hair, then along one chubby finger as her hand bobbed against your boob. You both sleepily watched her until she was finished, and even though most times she was back asleep in seconds once you’d burped her, tonight she was wide awake – eyes alert, looking around curiously as if she’d never seen this time of night before. 
“Sarang, are you going to be difficult tonight?” you murmured, but there was no annoyance in your voice, just fatigue. 
“Leave her here for a bit,” Seokjin suggested, moving over so you could place her between you. 
You didn’t want to encourage this – gone two in the morning was not a time to be awake – but what could you do? If you put her back inside her cot now she’d only start to fuss and cry. Maybe some tummy rubs would lull her. Placing her down, she made a happy babbling noise, her arms moving up and down as if she was excited. Impossible…maybe. Or you could have one of the cleverest babies to exist…
“Just because you’re cute, doesn’t mean you can get your own way all the time,” you told her, brushing her cheek. 
She was all softness and moreish smells. Seokjin pointed out a few days ago that she kind of smelled like fresh bread. You’d laughed at him at first, but thinking about it now, he wasn’t totally crazy. For you, it was more a sweet scent, milky. Definitely intoxicating. 
She was addicting. 
You’d never really contemplated motherhood, but now that Sarang was here, you couldn’t imagine life without her. Of course, it wasn’t always going to be this easy – it often wasn’t already – but you felt oddly prepared for anything. She gave you strength, made you feel invincible. Just for her. You wouldn’t let anybody hurt her, and if they did happen to slip past your defences, there’d be hell to pay. Seokjin was gazing at her as if he was thinking the exact same thing. 
You felt a pang in your chest, an aching love. Sometimes you had these moments; the ones where you couldn’t believe that she was yours. You and Seokjin had made her. She was here because of you both. A fortuitous encounter that’d had lasting results. 
You didn’t believe in kismet, had never given it much thought, but you did think you met Seokjin at just the right time, because Sarang was supposed to exist. You didn’t come together in the usual way people met and started a relationship, but that’s what made it special in your eyes. It was all down to Sarang that you were here now. She’d connected two people who might never have met again. Two people who were good for one another if given the opportunity to try. You were glad you’d both tried, because imagining a Seokjin-free life was impossible. 
Feeling you close, Sarang bounced her chubby limbs again, making another noise as she turned her head and stared at you. These days her attention span seemed to last longer, and she took you in for multiple seconds. It was exciting, and even though you had mixed feelings about her growing too fast, you couldn’t wait until she could fully take in her surroundings, couldn’t wait until you could make her smile and laugh. 
When Seokjin run his fingers over her round belly and then rubbed gently with the palm of his hand, her eyes scrunched up and she yawned, the slight rocking motion doing its job expertly. 
“Should I sing you a lullaby,” he whispered, leaning in close to press a kiss to her hair. Hearing his voice and feeling his touch, she jerked her head towards him, giving him his own wide-eyed stare. “Mm? Would you like that, Sarang?” 
“Please don’t,” you mock-groaned, letting your head fall on to your pillow. Your eyes closed momentarily, desperate for sleep. 
“Hey.” Offended, but grinning, Seokjin reached over to stroke hair from your face. Your eyes fluttered closed again, eyelids too heavy to keep them open, and you felt him cup your cheek. “Go to sleep, ____. I’ll put her back down once she drops off.”  
“You sure?” you mumbled. 
“Very.” 
Caressing your hair again, he pulled away. You sensed him take Sarang into his arms, and hearing her soft, content noises was like your very own lullaby. Happy and thankful, and feeling lucky, you were out before you knew it. 
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Written 2022 - 2023. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2023
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Honestly, I love the Levi/Hange/Erwin dynamic when it comes to shipping, because all of it works and feels satisfying for the characters no matter what your preference is.
I can honestly believe or be convinced of almost any dynamic involving the three of them, including a throuple situation.
But my personal headcanon is this- I think that Levi had feelings for Erwin that were definitely stronger than Erwin’s for him. Levi showed love and also strength through devotion to Erwin but Erwin only had room in his life to be devoted to his cause and his goal of finding out the truth. Any person- even those he cared most about- could be sacrificed for that goal. We see this in his characterization as “the devil”. I think he felt sorrow for this choice at times but never once considered going back on it.
I honestly think the closest Levi and Erwin ever were was before the series starts/occurs offscreen. And by the time we are introduced to these characters we are actually beginning to see the slow deterioration of what could have been their relationship. We see them working seamlessly together to acquire Eren for the Scouts, but even as soon as the 57th Expedition we see some cracks in the facade.
Levi trusts Erwin inherently, and will follow his orders, but he starts to silently and subtly disagree with the massive loss of life that Erwin is content with to achieve his goal. This all culminates in Levi’s infamous unspoken “more important than me” right before they leave for Shiganshina. Erwin is devoted to his cause and his dream of seeing the basement regardless of the casualties- and Levi has been devoted to Erwin and so therefore must bear the weight of those casualties with him even though along the way they weren’t his calls to make.
And then on the other hand, you have Levi and Hange- who mutually care for one another and have phenomenal chemistry. They both share the burden of carrying out Erwin’s wishes- but I think in Hange, Levi can see someone who is just as intelligent and determined but not quite as ruthless or closed off. Hange is constantly grappling with guilt and shame and feelings of inadequacy- emotions that Levi doesn’t permit himself to feel or in the very least, to feel openly. So by caring for them, Levi gets some of that catharsis. Surely by having sympathy for Hange’s plight, he can also then give himself permission to feel his own doubts and frustrations. Their relationship feels very equal- which is why it is ultimately more appealing to me.
Later, even when Hange is the commander, it still feels like they are on equal footing. Levi is just as devoted to them, but not in a way that forces him into a secondary role or to compromise the part of him that cares deeply for others.
I think (and yes this explanation is very Levi-centric, sorry) that Levi resists a lot of attraction to Hange or doesn’t take it as seriously while Erwin is alive- but just as we see things begin to chill between him and Erwin, we also see more trust and interactions between him and Hange.
Levi choosing Armin to revive over Erwin was a personal as well as tactical decision for him. Of course, there’s so much discussion about how it was actually a way to respect him and show mercy, et cetera. And I agree with that. But many things can be true at the same time, and I think laying Erwin to rest was also Levi choosing, if even subconsciously, that he would no longer choose his unbroken devotion to Erwin over the chance to spare lost lives (in this case, it happens to be Armin). He still reveres Erwin immensely- but following him for so many years had obviously left wounds and scars.
And I am not saying any of this to discredit Erwin or villainize him. I think Erwin is a very human character, and he put himself into a position to make choices that he knew no one else would be able to make. He chose to turn himself into a monster and be as ruthless as his enemy. He was incorruptible in this aspect, but it also meant that anyone close to him would always be secondary and he couldn’t risk becoming too attached. There a million examples of ways he cares for Levi (and Hange)- he just makes it explicit that he would never care for them MORE than the cause.
They know this and follow him anyway. But that bond between those second in command to him, creates this beautiful relationship built on shared understanding, and that’s what makes Levihan so compelling to me.
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sophiarelationtips · 4 days
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How to Fix Your Relationship
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When your relationship hits a rough patch, it's natural to want to fix things and restore harmony. Here are some tips to potentially help you mend and improve your relationship:
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Seek Outside Help if Needed: If you're struggling to resolve issues on your own, consider seeking the guidance of a couples therapist or counselor. Professional help can provide valuable insights and tools for improving your relationship.
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Them reacting to their usually stoic s/o hugging them
Characters: Mona/Kokomi/Beidou x gn!reader (separate)
Warnings: none, just fluff
a/n: I haven't written Mona and Beidou in what felt like a century, so if I got some parts of their characters wrong, I'm really sorry.
Anyway, hope you enjoy!
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Mona
It was fair to say that Mona hadn’t expected you to suddenly throw your arms around her and pulling her close to you. Sure, she may have been the one always telling you how showing a few more emotions from time to time would help you when it came to conveying your intentions and feelings to other people, but that didn’t stop her from freezing up the moment you pressed her head against your chest.
“W-What are you doing?!”, the Astrologer angrily demanded to know as she tried her best to free herself from your grasp, causing your grip on her to grow stronger and eventually making her stop struggling. And as silence filled the room, Mona felt her face grow red with embarrassment, as she begrudgingly admitted to herself that being held by you like this wasn’t that bad.
“I’m hugging you”, you eventually stated matter-of-factly, your calm voice not revealing any hint of shame.
Were you stupid enough to not realise that it was a rhetorical question or were you just messing with her? Mona couldn’t tell, and she honestly wasn’t too sure which possibility bugged her more.
“That’s- I know that you are, but why?”, she asked, trying her best to somewhat keep her composure, even if it got increasingly more difficult with each passing moment.
“You are asking why? Weren’t you the one telling me to show a bit more emotions from time to time?”, you countered her question with one of your own.
“Yeah, but that didn’t mean- I didn’t-”, Mona tried to find the right way to respond, only to eventually let out a sigh and finally relax.
“Is something the matter?”, you eventually asked, slightly pulling back to look at Mona’s red face, only for her to hide it in your chest before shaking her head.
“No, it’s fine.”
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Kokomi
While Kokomi couldn’t help but be surprised, when you embraced her the moment you saw how exhausted she looked, that didn’t mean that she didn’t like it, quickly melting into it. Don’t get her wrong, she still loved your usual stoic behaviour, since just being in the same room as you instantly helped her calm down, no matter how stressed she felt before, your calm attitude rubbing off on her, but being hugged by the person she loved after a long day of work was about the best way to make her day better.
“Is something the matter?”, Kokomi surprisingly managed to form a coherent sentence. While she was known for writing pages upon pages, telling her subordinates to do in any possible case, even the master-strategist hadn’t expected you to hug her.
“You looked like you needed a hug”, you responded, instantly causing a tired smile to make its way onto the divine priestess’ face. Only for it to vanish the moment you slightly pulled back. “Or was I wrong to assume that?”, you asked in an uncertain voice, causing her to not waste a second to answer with a resounding “no” before quickly leaning against you once again, wanting to enjoy the hug while it lasted.
And while neither of you had a problem with remaining in your current position, before long, you realised, that Kokomi began leaning against you more and more, causing you to suspect that her exhaustion might have caught up with her and she was starting to fall asleep.
“You should go to bed. I doubt falling asleep like this would be a good idea.”
Your suggestion, no matter how logical it appeared to be in your mind, quickly got shot down by the divine priestess, as once again shook her head. “No, no. It’s fine, I’m simply taking a small rest…”, she tried assuring you, only for her voice to grow weaker and weaker with each word, until by the time she had finished her sentence, she had already fallen asleep. Leaving you to try and somehow bring her to bed without waking her up.
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Beidou
You always were the first one to greet her whenever the Crux returned to Liyue harbour, and while your actions weren’t the most expressive in the whole of Teyvat, Beidou’s one eye was enough for her to see that you were happy to have her back, even if others didn’t pick up the signs.
So, when she returned from a voyage that lasted much longer than anticipated, only to see you approach her the moment she had solid ground under her feet again, she fully knew you were once again going to greet her, what she didn’t expect though, was that you’d hug her the moment she was in reach.
“Oh wow, someone seemed to have missed me a lot”, she jokingly teased before quickly returning the hug, having recovered from the shock of your uncharacteristic action much faster than even she expected.
“I did. You were gone for much longer than usual”, you stated calmly, only for the captain to shoot you an apologetic smile.
“I can perfectly control my crew and fleet, but unfortunately not even I managed to gain control over the oceans yet”, she responded before a sudden idea flashed inside her mind, causing her to pull back just enough to make eye contact with you. “Hey, how about you join us for a few drinks? We have more than enough stories about our voyage to tell”, Beidou suggested, only to smile when you gave her a small nod.
But before you had the chance to pull away, Beidou’s grip grew stronger as she lifted you, not much, but still enough to stop the tips of your toes from touching the ground, hoping to get a surprised reaction out of you. But if you were surprised, you did an excellent job at hiding it, since the only look she got out of you was your usual calm one, nevertheless, she began carrying you into the direction of her crew’s made up meeting place, not intending to let you leave until you heard all of their new stories.
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