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danielfuckingricciardo · 1 year

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Love Actually - George Russell x Reader

Pairing - Prime Minister!George Russell x Reader

Word Count - 3.8k

Content Warnings - Swearing, an overwhelming amount of biscuit-related metaphors and jokes, awkward British flirting, sickeningly sweet fluff, very slight angst, Christian Horner is the bad guy, happy ending.

Synopsis - You are the new catering manager at number 10 Downing Street, starting your job on the same day as newly-elected Prime Minister George Russell. What you don’t expect, is to fall for him so quickly, and for him to reciprocate your feelings.

Author’s Note - If you can’t tell, this is totally based on the love story between Hugh Grant’s character and Martine McCutcheon’s character in the film Love Actually, which is one of the best Christmas films ever made! Sorry for getting off track with these, I will be writing the fics I didn’t post before Christmas between now and new year, so I should hopefully be able to catch up with what I’ve missed! I felt like this was perfect for George, I think he’d be a good prime minister, though honestly, with the state the country is in right now under the fucking tories, I’ll take anyone with their head screwed on right lol 😂 Anyway, without further ado, let’s go!

You stand in the grand hallway of 10 Downing Street, your hands shaking slightly by your sides as you hear the shouting of journalists and the clicking of camera shutters from outside the door.

Honestly, you hadn’t expected to get the job when you had applied, only going for it on a whim. Your mother always said ‘the worst thing they can say is no’ but at this very moment you realised she wasn’t exactly right. The worst thing they could say is yes, and then you’d be stood, shaking like a leaf, as you wait for the new Prime Minister to enter his new home and greet you.

George Russell had barely won the election. From what you’d overheard during your induction shift, it had been almost too close to call, and the party were already scouting out coalition partners to affirm their position as heads of state. But the final constituency clinched it, a historic Conservative stronghold turned red for the first time in years, giving the party enough of a majority to lead the government alone.

You were happy, after all, you weren’t sure that you’d be able to serve tea and biscuits to a Tory. It wasn’t something you’d really considered when you applied for the job, but you were overjoyed to see the man you voted for celebrate onscreen as you finalised your contracts for your new position.

The door to Number 10 creaks open, and a serious looking man walks through the door with Larry the cat at his heels. Larry immediately runs over to you, taking a seat beside your feet and meowing up at you.

You bend to stroke him between the ears, and he immediately begins purring at your touch. The cat sprawls out at your feet, revealing his fluffy belly to you which you stroke gently.

The housekeeper, a kindly woman in her late fifties, gives you a tap on the shoulder and you look up, to see Prime Minister George Russell stood before you.

You shoot up, smoothing down your skirt with an awkward smile. George holds his hand out for you to shake.

“I’m sorry sir, I never could resist the urge to pet a cat.” You say, taking his hand and shaking it firmly.

“It’s okay, I heard Larry is quite the judge of character, so it’s a good sign, I assure you.” George says, offering you a nervous smile.

“(Y/n) is new here too, sir, she’s to be your catering manager.” The man stood beside George says.

“Ah, so it’s your first day here too? The first day in a job is always quite scary.” George says, and you nod your head.

“I was absolutely shitting myself when I first got here sir.” You say, immediately wincing at the fact you had just sworn in front of the new Prime Minister.

“Oh god, I’m mortified, I really just said ‘shit’ to you, didn’t I?” You say, your cheeks instantly turning red. “And I just said it again, I’m so sorry, sir!”

“It’s alright, I believe what you said was ‘shitting’ actually, but you could have said fuck or some variation of fuck which would have been much worse.” George says, offering you a small smile.

“Well, thank fuck for that, eh?” You say, your eyes immediately going wide, your cheeks burning even more as you urge your brain to do something about the situation you had found yourself in.

“Thank fuck for that indeed.” George says, chuckling slightly as he is pulled away by the man beside him towards the large staircase in the centre of the grand hallway.

The housekeeper places her hand on her shoulder, and you exhale a shaky breath.

“I was so nervous I didn’t know what to say and then all these words just came tumbling out of my mouth. I’m going to get fired, aren’t I?” You say, and she gives you a sympathetic smile.

“Don’t worry dear, we all get nervous, and he doesn’t seem the type to fire someone over something as silly as a swear word or two.” She says, and you sigh.

“I hope so. I think Larry the cat has already gotten attached.” You say, looking down at the feline who was circling your legs, brushing against them gently to urge you to pet him some more.

Everyone clears the hallway and you bend down to pet Larry once again.

“I bet you don’t have this problem, do you?” You say to the cat as you scratch between his ears, and he lets out a satisfied meow.

“I thought not.” You say, before standing and walking over to the kitchen, with Larry following you every step of the way.

Not long after your first meeting, you find yourself walking up the staircase of Number 10 towards the office of the Prime Minister himself, a tray in your hands containing a China cup and saucer, and a plate of chocolate biscuits.

Larry had refused to leave your side since first meeting him, and now followed you up the stairs a little too closely. You stumble slightly as he steps between your feet, and you fight to find your balance without the aid of your hands which were occupied by the Prime Minister’s refreshments.

“I can see you’re going to be trouble.” You say to the cat as you find your footing at the top of the stairs, and Larry meows at you, stopping to lick his paws in the middle of the hallway.

You reach the door to the office, balancing the tray on one hand to knock lightly on the door.

“Come in.” George shouts from behind the door and you twist the handle, stepping into the office.

George offers you a warm smile when he spots you, and you offer him the same smile in return, a light blush dusting your cheeks.

You set down the tray before him on his desk, and he immediately takes the cup in his hands, swallowing a large gulp of hot tea.

You turn on your heels to exit, but quickly reconsider and whirl back around.

“I’m sorry, about earlier. I didn’t mean to be so… crude with my language. I’d understand if you’d want to hire someone else instead.” You say, and George looks up at you over his cup.

“Crikey, no, it’s not a problem. Everyone gets nervous, especially on their first day on the job. Between you and me, I’m shitting it too. First thing on my agenda is ‘fix the country’ which, based on the state my predecessor left it in, isn’t going to be an easy job. But it will be made considerably easier if you keep making perfect cups of tea like this one.” George says, and you smile.

“I’m glad you won. I would have done the job if the other guy had won, but it was you I voted for, sir. I just wouldn’t have made him good tea, I’d have used the cheap tea bags and skimmed milk.” You chuckle, and George laughs too.

“Call me George, please. It feels a bit weird having people call me sir when really my job is to serve the people. That’s what we’re supposed to do, anyway, as Prime Ministers, but most of them end up cocking that part up and just serving themselves instead.” George says, before taking another sip of tea.

“You’re right there, sir, I mean, George.” You say, leaning forwards slightly to lift the plate of biscuits off of the tray and set them down on his desk.

You glance up at him for a moment, and realise his eyes are very much not on your face but are instead looking much lower, and you blush.

George notices you looking at him and his eyes immediately find the wall, his own face decorated with a light blush.

You lift the tray and tuck it beneath your arm.

“Is there anything else you need, si- George?” You ask, and George’s eyes finally find your own again.

“No, this is perfect, I mean, the tea is perfect, thank you.” George sputters, and you smile at him, before turning on your heels to walk back towards the door.

What you didn’t realise, was that Larry had followed you into George’s office, and had sat himself beside your feet once again. You trip over his fluffy body, managing to regain your footing just about and avoiding the embarrassment of falling onto the floor.

You rush over to the door, almost disappearing behind it before popping your head through once again.

“Let me know if you need anything at all, more tea perhaps? I imagine fixing the country is going to take a little longer than that cup will last.” You say, before shutting the door behind you.

You exhale a shaky breath and rest your head in your spare hand, your back pressed up against the door.

“You’re going to be a real problem for me, aren’t you? You fluffy little thing.” You say, looking down at Larry who was once again pressed up against your leg.

Larry meows happily before running away down the staircase of Number 10 as you roll your eyes.

You had quickly settled in to your role as catering manager at 10 Downing Street. Just two weeks into the job, you found that you were able to predict when George would be wanting a cup of tea or a snack brought up to his office, often you would be on your way up the staircase before he had even called you to make his request.

After being told not to bother knocking anymore, you push your way into George’s office to find him stood before the fireplace, one hand resting against the mantelpiece while the other contained a half-empty glass of scotch.

“Are you okay, George?” You ask, setting down the plate of jammy dodgers on his desk before taking a tentative step toward him.

“I know I wanted this job, but fuck, it’s hard.” George says, turning to face you.

You offer him a sympathetic smile as he downs the rest of his scotch.

“I brought you some jammy dodgers, but I don’t think they pair so well with scotch. Maybe a bourbon biscuit instead?” You chuckle, and George smiles, exhaling slightly through his nose.

“What would you do, if you were me?” He asks, and you shake your head.

“I genuinely wouldn’t have a clue. That’s why you’re the one running the country and I’m the one bringing you biscuits.” You say with a smile.

“I don’t have a clue either. You know, I thought that being Prime Minister I could do some good, undo all the shit that ten years of Conservative bollocks sprayed across the country. But I’m just being pulled from pillar to post by my party members who all want different things. How can the people of one party all have such different opinions?” George says, setting his glass down on the mantelpiece and throwing himself down in his armchair.

“They may all want different things, but they chose you to lead them, George. They all feel that you were the best choice for the country, and all of us, the voters, we agreed. Some people like custard creams, some people like jammy dodgers, and there are even weirdos out there who like rich tea biscuits despite how boring and bland they are. But you’re the one at the shop looking at the biscuit aisle and you get to choose what to buy. You may know which biscuits people like and which ones they don’t, and that’ll help you to make your choice, but ultimately it’s about choosing the right biscuit that will satisfy the most people, even if it isn’t their favourite.” You say, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Somehow you biscuit-themed analogy makes more sense politically than anything I’ve been told by my cabinet in days. Thank you.” He says, placing his hand on top of yours.

You feel your cheeks heating up at the sudden contact, and instinctively want to pull away, but decide against it. The feeling of his soft hand on your sends shivers through your body.

“I also really want a biscuit now after that, you brought jammy dodgers, right?” George says, jumping up from his seat, your hand sliding off his shoulder and immediately missing the contact with him.

He runs over to the desk and grabs the plate, sliding one into his mouth before offering them to you. You oblige, taking one and crunching away half of the biscuit.

“I just have to find my political jammy dodger, a policy that will satisfy the most people in the best way, but will also satisfy me and my policies too. Thank you, (y/n), you’re wonderful, as always.” George says through as mouthful of biscuit, and you smile.

“No, you’re wonderful. I heard that the last guy forced everyone to eat rich teas all the time because they were his favourite, despite knowing that only he and his rich friends were the only ones that liked them.” You say, and George laughs.

“You know, I think I heard the same rumour.” He chuckles, and you turn to walk towards the door.

“Enjoy your biscuits George, I’ll see you later with your evening cup of tea.” You say, and George furrows his brows.

“Evening? What about dinner?” He asks, and you roll your eyes.

“You have a meeting with the Japanese ambassador at five so you won’t be around.” You say, and George nods.

“You’re honestly a better PA than my actual PA, he never tells me half of these things. I’ll be looking forward to my evening tea, then.” He says, giving you a warm smile as you disappear behind the door, closing it with a click behind you.

Larry runs beside you as you take brisk steps towards the door of George’s office, meowing loudly for your attention.

“Not now, Larry, I’m busy! I’m sure Lewis will be more than happy to rub your tummy if you ask him nicely!” You say, and the cat looks up at you, becoming quiet for a moment before resuming his meows.

“Someone wants attention.” You hear a voice say behind you and you turn to see a man you do not recognise stood behind you.

“Larry spends more time watching me make tea and sandwiches than he does catching mice these days.” You say, giving in to the cat and scratching him behind his ears.

“He’s a smart boy. I too would rather spend my time following a beautiful woman like you around, rather than catching those filthy creatures.” He says, taking a step towards you.

You flinch slightly as his hand reaches out to tuck away a stray strand of hair behind your ear. It’s at this point you recognise him, the leader of the opposition, Christian Horner. The man you probably would have been making tea and biscuits for had the votes swung in the opposite direction.

“I’m sorry, sir, I really should get going, I have a lot to organise for the meal with the French President tomorrow.” You say, pulling away from his touch which lingered slightly too long at the side of your face.

“Oh, so soon? Well, maybe come election time you’ll be working for me instead, and we can have more fun together then, hm?” He says, and you take a deep breath to hide the disgusted look on your face. You knew for a fact that the bastard already had a wife and kids, and yet he was so shamelessly trying to flirt with you out in the open like this.

Even if he wasn’t married, you would never be interested. You’d realised only a week into the job you’d only ever have eyes for one man, the man whose schedule you knew off by heart, who always complimented you on your tea-making skills, and valued you as a human being, and didn’t just see you as some pretty young thing in a skirt. You knew you were in love with George, and you didn’t want anyone else, especially not some smarmy git in an ill-fitting suit like Christian Horner.

You hear someone clear their throat a few metres away, and your head snaps to face them, your face dropping instantly when your eyes meet his.

“Okay, right, you, um, left this on my desk.” George says, holding out a folder marked confidential towards Christian.

You look up at George, your eyes now glassy as you see his are devoid of emotion. Oh god, you hope he hadn’t gotten the wrong impression after Christian’s advances.

“Thanks George, I’ll see you in the House of Commons tomorrow for the debate. Maybe this time you won’t embarrass yourself, hm?” Christian says, before walking away down the staircase.

“George, that wasn’t what it looked like, I promise, he just… I didn’t…” You begin, but you’re not entirely sure of what to say.

“Don’t worry about it.” He says nonchalantly, before walking past you and into his office, slamming the door behind him.

You jump at the loud noise, and Larry cowers behind your legs.

“Oh god, I’ve cocked this all up big time, haven’t I?” You say, and Larry meows at you, almost as if to say ‘yes, yes you have.”

The time comes for you to bring George his afternoon tea. Following the earlier events with Christian, you decide to knock rather than just walking into George’s office.

“Enter.” He says, and you tentatively turn the doorknob, stepping into the room and closing the door behind you with a soft click.

“I brought you your afternoon tea.” You say, taking a few steps towards George who was scanning some important documents, a pen in his hand following along with every word as he reads.

“Just leave it on my desk, thanks.” He says, not even looking up at you as he speaks.

You place the cup and saucer down gently next to the many documents that littered the desk with a clatter.

“George, please, let me explain.” You say, fidgeting with your hands before you, feeling almost as nervous as you had done on your first day.

“You don’t have to explain anything. It’s fine.” George says rather firmly.

“I do, I do. It’s all Larry’s fault, he was meowing for attention and then he appeared and before I could stop him his hand was on my face and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted him to stop but I’m just the girl who brings the biscuits and he’s the leader of the bloody opposition. But I knew I wanted him to stop because there’s only one man I’d let touch me like that and it certainly isn’t him.” You say, speaking faster than your brain could think.

George looks up from his papers, making eye contact with you over his glasses.

“He didn’t ask you before touching you?” George asks, and you shake your head.

“No, it happened too fast and I hadn’t even had time to ask him to stop once I realised what was happening.” You say, and George stands from his desk, taking a few steps toward you.

“It’s okay. You shouldn’t let him, or anyone else for that matter, get away with that sort of thing. You’re not just the girl who brings the biscuits, you’re a damn human being and you deserve better. And if they threaten you, well, they’ve got me to answer to.” George says, offering you a small smile.

“Thank You George, you’re a real gentleman.” You say, mirroring his smile back at him.

“You said there’s only one man you’d let touch you like that, I’m sorry, I never asked, do you have a partner? Boyfriend? Husband?” He asks, and you shake your head.

“No, there’s just this guy that I know, he’s really sweet and kind and funny. I haven’t known him long, but I’ve found myself falling for him rather quickly, even though I know it would never work out.” You say, your cheeks blushing red.

“Why wouldn’t it work out?” George asks, his eyebrows furrowed.

“He has a really important job, but I’m just a caterer. I don’t think he’d ever give me a second glance.” You say, and George’s hand finds your own, lacing his fingers with yours.

“Oh really? Well, if I was him, I’d snap you up before some other guy had the chance to.” George says, and you chuckle.

“Okay then, so what would you do, if you were me? If you fancied a very important man but were too nervous to tell him you fancied him?” You ask, your eyebrow raised.

“I genuinely wouldn’t have a clue. That’s why you fancy an important man, and I fancy a girl who’s metaphors are almost entirely biscuit-related, but we’re both still single.” George says, taking your other hand and intertwining your fingers together.

“I don’t have a clue either.” You chuckle, before George’s lips find your own in a sweet kiss.

Your lips are only together for the briefest of moments, but the contact sends an electric sensation throughout your body, and you instantly want more.

George releases your hands and wraps his arms around your waist to pull you closer, and you throw your now-freed hands around his neck, pressing your lips together once again in a deeper, more passionate kiss.

At that moment, the door swings open and Lewis looks over at the two of you, his mouth agape.

You immediately pull away from George, and the two of you begin to chuckle.

“I’ll, uh, come back later?” Lewis says, before closing the door behind him.

“He won’t say anything, I trust him with my life.” George says, and you nod, pressing the tip of your nose against George’s own.

“He might not, but our fluffy friend here has a real loud mouth on him, and loves to gossip.” You say, gesturing down at Larry the cat who must have entered the room when Lewis had opened the door.

Larry weaves between yours and George’s feet, meowing excitedly at the two of you.

“It’s a good job none of my cabinet knows how to speak cat, then!” George says, and you shake your head while chuckling slightly.

“I love you, George.” You say, pressing your forehead to his.

“I love you too, (y/n)” George says, before claiming your lips once again in a sweet kiss.

#george russell x reader #george russell x you #george russell imagine #f1 x reader #f1 x You

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kimi-twstheadcanons · 1 year

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Blow Us All Away

-Malleus and (Y/N) have a child, Maelora. A fae king father, a human queen mother, and a half-blood princess. A very happy family indeed. All seemed well, but an unfortunate event has befallen the family. Maelora describes her experience in this…

Pronouns: She/her

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST!!! ALL THE ANGST! Loss of a loved one

Note: I haven’t seen chapter 7 so this doesn’t really have anything in it other than one line inspired from what I’ve seen around the fandom. I also came up with this idea when I was listening to “Dear Theodosia reprise” a deleted song from Hamilton the musical. I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF AND HAD TO WRITE THIS I’M SORRY! It’s not perfect but I really tried. I just needed this idea out of my head

“I’ll be home soon, mother.”

•

I was picking flowers in the garden. Our lovely little garden that father had grown just for me away from all the other thorn bushes. He was the king of the Briar Valley, after all, he was ever so great and powerful. Mother is kind and compassionate but a mere human with no magical abilities. They say it’s because she’s not from this world but I never truly understood what that meant. Usually, she would help me with the garden and we would play and sing while waiting for father to visit us from his royal duties. If it wasn’t father it would be Lilia or uncle Silver who is usually accompanied by uncle Sebek. They may not be my real uncles by blood, but I don’t recall addressing them any differently.

“Hello there, our darling little princess! Are you making more flower crowns for your parents?” Lilia suddenly appeared out of nowhere, floating upside down above my head. He thought he could surprise me but I’ve gotten used to his tricks, at least for the most part.

“Haha, hi there, Lilia. Yes, I’ve almost finished up these new flower crowns. I apologize but I haven’t made one for you today.”

“Don’t worry about it, darling. Goodness, you truly do get your heart from your mother, yet you have your father's horns. You get your eye shape from your mother but your father’s eye color was so dominant in your genes it seems.” Lilia cooed as he placed his hand on my head between my small horns to gently ruffle my hair. I laughed gently and looked over the three flower crowns I had created. It took me a while because it was hard to remember the correct size of my father's head due to his large horns but I hope everything turned out well. Recently, my mother has been extremely ill. I don’t remember a day when she was the perfect picture of health, she had always seemed off, but her health rapidly decreased incredibly quickly over the last few months. Hopefully, the crown will make her feel better!

“LaLa, can you help me bring these crowns to mother and father? I think father is with mother in their room since it’s getting so late.” I asked Lilia, calling him by a nickname I had called him since I was born. He smiled a wide grin.

“Of course, Maelora, it would be my great honor to escort you to your parents.” He said cheerfully as he held out his arm for me to hold onto. I picked up all three flower crowns and carefully stood up from my blanket on the garden ground. Just as I wrapped my hands around Lilia’s arm, uncle Silver and uncle Sebek came running into the garden in sheer panic. They looked distressed and in a hurry. They panted as they tried to catch their breath.

“Lilia! Come quick, it’s important!” Sebek started since his breath recovered faster.

“Whoa, calm down! What is it? What could have happened so soon?” Lilia asked calmly yet confused.

“The queen! S-she…her illness! It’s gotten worse!” Silver was able to splurge out in pants. Lilia and I looked at each other in panic.

“Is Malleus with her?”

“Yes, but father, her time-“ before Silver could finish his sentence the sky of the Briar Valley began to rapidly swarm with dark and twisted clouds. Green lighting began to form within them. He was cut off by the harsh winds that blew along with the clouds. I knew who was doing that…my father. Something has happened.

“Take the princess and get her to her room immediately, she must not be allowed out until Malleus or I have said otherwise, is that understood?!” Lilia demanded Silver and Sebek. They saluted and offered me their hands for me to hold.

“No, what, why? Lilia, what’s going on?” I asked in fear. Lilia was quick to hand me off and now seemed to be in a very big rush.

“No time for questions, you have to go now! Please listen to me and be a good little princess! I promise I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Lilia, what’s going on with mother?! You have to tell me!” I begged him as Sliver and Sebek held onto my arm to keep me from chasing after Lilia.

“I can’t! I have to hurry before-“ Lilia was then interrupted by the longest and deepest, most heart-wrenching, bloodcurdling scream I have ever heard in my entire life, followed by loud green thunder and lightning strikes through the sky. The dark clouds turned black and the wind increased so much that it blew my mother's flower crown out of my little arms and completely into the air.

“Father…I think it’s too late…” Sliver said abruptly. Lilia went quiet as it began to pour rain on all of us. I looked around at all of them and noticed how all of their faces had fallen into dark shadows and auras of sadness began to radiate off each of them. I knew, but I didn’t want to believe why. I knew but young me was in strong denial. No one would ever wish for something like that to happen to them so suddenly.

~~~

The next day, I was in my room after a bath. Lilia did my hair and helped me get dressed but the entire time he was sad. Silver and Sebek were instructed with watching my door as to not let me out. Lilia enchanted my balcony in case I would try anything mischievous. So I was stuck in my room, confused and scared. I carefully crept to my door to try and see if I could talk to Silver. He’s the only one who actually tells me information.

“Are you sure it’s the right time? She’s so young. I don’t think she’d be able to handle the news.” I heard Silver say on the other side of the door. I place my ear gently on the door to hear more clearly. As a fae, I can hear from far distances but not much because of me being half human.

“My apologies, Lilia, but I have to agree with Silver on this one,” Says Sebek on the other side of the door.

“She is far too young, even by human standards, to know such heartbreaking information. I’m still in shock from the whole ordeal myself. It hasn’t even been fully processed in my head and I feel…conflicted and confused. I can only imagine her reaction when she finds out the news.” He continues, his voice straining slightly as he proceeded with his words.

“I understand. I cannot say that I agree with the idea of telling her so soon. But she does deserve to know. The entire kingdom of the Briar Valley will be in anguish and our friends will know nothing but grief for months.” Lilia says, although his voice sounds…cold. As if all emotion that could have been was washed away.

“Father, you can’t be serious. Give her another day.” I heard Silver insist.

“Another day of what? Locking her in her room with no knowledge of the truth and wallowing in confusion and concern?” Lilia snaps. “She must know… Malleus has reached that conclusion, even in his state of agony.”

“And what of our friends? Who will tell them?” Silver asked gently.

“We’ve already called upon them. Gather them to deliver the news. That way it’s easier for us all and we won’t have to repeatedly explain what happened. They will already be in the Briar Valley for the preparations, they at least deserve to see her one more time.” Lilia explained.

“I see…” was all Sebek said after that. A pause occurred for a moment, all I heard was their steady breathing.

“Princess, I know you’re there. You can come out now.” Lilia said nonchalantly. It startled me at first but not much. I reached for the doorknob and gently turned it. I opened it slowly into the castle hallway and stepped out of the threshold of my sleeping chambers. I peeked from behind the door over to the three guards. Silver and Sebek held gloomy expressions as they stared at me but Lilia had a gentle smile on his face. But if you look closely, his eyes…his deep crimson eyes…they were dull. Not out of anger or power, but of sorrow and emptiness. Yet that smile he holds is so melancholic. He holds it for me.

“Come with me, dear. Your father wishes to speak with you about something important.” He speaks gently as he stretches out his hand for me to take. I move away from the door and walk towards him hesitantly. I place my hand in his and he begins to gently lead me away. I look back behind me to Silver and Sebek. They seem beside themselves and void of light. I look forward once again, trying to think of the best. Lilia holds a smile on his face but he can’t hide his solemn emotions from me.

Lilia walks me up to the doors of my father's study. The room where he handles most of his Kingly duties by himself. Mother and I would sit with him near the fireplace and he would read us stories of the Briar Valley or I would find mother reading while my father worked on papers. They were inseparable for as long as I can remember. Even if father had to be gone long they would send letters. Even when mother would be gone to see uncle Ace and uncle Deuce in the Queendom of Roses, or going to the Sunset Savanna to visit Leona and Ruggie for royal occasions. No matter where they went, they would send each other letters. Their love is a bond that cannot be broken. Before mother’s health dropped she started to stay in the castle more often, then just a few months after, her health declined. I never understood why her health never seemed at its peak. When I would ask her or father they would change the subject. When I would ask Lilia, Sebek, or Silver, they’ll tell me not to worry and that it was not my concern for the moment. They said I’ll find out once I’m old enough. I always thought it was odd but I would listen to them. What else was I to do?

“Princess…your father asked me to tell you why your mother's health was always low. Would you like me to tell you now, or when you're older?” Lilia asked me abruptly, pulling me from my thoughts. I pause for a moment, not knowing how to answer. I simply shake my head. To others that would be a vague answer but to Lilia he fully understood. He nodded with a soft smile and released my hand from his.

“Tell me when you want to know. I just want you to be ready and calm. We all love you, Maelora. We just want you to be okay, safe, and happy.” He told me, his smile slightly fading. He gently knocks on the double doors of my father's study.

“Your father is in there waiting for you. Just open the doors when you’re ready.” And just like that, Lilia turned around without another word and walked away. I take a deep breath for a moment, trying to think about how to approach my father. I hesitantly put my hand on the doorknob and turn it. I slowly open the door and peek my head in. I saw my father standing in front of one of the windows, his back to me. I quietly step in and shut the door behind me. I take a few steps forward, the clicking of my shows being muffled by the giant dark green carpet that covered most of the stone flooring of the study.

“…father, you called for me?” I asked hesitantly. No reply from him back. This silent action made me more nervous.

“How’s mother? Is she doing any better?” I foolishly asked. I didn’t know what else to do. My father was never this quiet unless he was angered. I watched him for a moment and noticed that his hands started to tremble slightly. He was on the verge of collapsing and was visibly holding himself together by a thread.

“My dear Maelora, how do I say this to you?” He suddenly started, his voice slightly trembling. He turned around to face me, a soft smile plastered on his face. Yet his eyes were red and slightly puffy. He had been crying. His expression was one of pain and sadness.

“Sometime last night, your mother breathed your name. Then like a flame that flicked out too soon…far, far too soon, she…she died, she’s g-gone..” he tried to explain to me. Tears were streaming down his face and he collapsed to his knees on the ground. My eyes wide and in shock, not knowing what to do I ran over to my father. I kneeled to him and hugged him as much as my small arms could. My shock stopped me from crying, it hadn’t fully hit me. A shocking image for anyone to see: the Great Malleus Draconia on his knees, a mess, being consoled by his young, half-blood, daughter.

My father took a deep breath and looked at me even as tears covered his vision. His lime green eyes were now dark, his black hair slightly in disarray, and his smile holding nothing but pain. “She changed my life, she made my life worthwhile. Without her, I never would have known how great life can be. She taught me things I never would have learned. Not just about her world but about mine and she showed me that there are so many things wonderful about living. She has forever changed this kingdom for the better and there will never be another like her…but you. When you smile, I know a part of her lives on, I know the kingdom and I can go on.”

I smiled at my father as he placed a hand on my cheek. The tears now start to form in my eyes and a broken smile forms on my lips, knowing I will never see my mother again, knowing I will never hear her voice again. I wipe my father’s tears away gently.

“You have come of age with the new improvements of our dark nation. We’ll bleed and fight for you. Even if it seems that’s all we do, you and I together will build a strong foundation. I promise to be here for you, that way I’ll teach you how to blow them all away.” My father spoke as he wiped my tears with his thumb, still holding a smile on his face. Pulls me close and lifts me into his arms as he turns and we both look out the large window of his study that he had previously been looking through.

“Someday, yes my daughter, you’ll rule this kingdom as the first Half-blood Queen, and blow everyone away.”

~~~

I found it. The flower crown I had made for my mother all those years ago. I found it. I knew it was the same one from then because it was found outside the castle and the only flowers that hadn’t wilted were the green roses that were made from fathers magic. The only roses that grew in our special garden.

I walk up to my mother's grave, a beautiful statue of her befitting of a queen in place of a tombstone. I will never forget her voice, how she sang. How she and father would dance the nights away when they thought I was asleep. How she would whisper sweet nothings to me before I went to bed to assure me I am loved. She was nothing short of an angel.

I gently kneel and place the flower bouquet on her burial. “Hello again, mother. How are you today?” I ask her gently.

“Sorry I haven’t come to visit as of late. Leona insisted that I talk to him about matters between the Sunset Savanna and the Briar Valley since he and father got into another small quarrel. I can understand why you would visit the Sunset Savanna instead of father now, haha.” I told her as I stood up and placed the now fixed and renewed flower crown on the statue's head.

“In other news, the garden has gotten bigger. Father had it so the grounds would be extended and we could plant more bushes. You’d like it, I’m sure.” I continue to speak. The statue looked back at me with a gentle smile, a smile that resembled hers. But could never hold the same genuine warmth.

“…last night I had a dream. You were in it. You taught me how to dance the waltz-like the one you and father use to do. You sang me the song you and father used to sing together. It was like you were here again…” I looked into the statue's cold eyes. Eyes that looked like hers but would never hold the same life or light. I hesitantly reach out to place my hand on her face. It was cold and hard. Of course, it would be, it’s stone after all.

“You have her smile.” A voice suddenly spoke from behind me. A voice so familiar it’d be a crime if I didn’t recognize it. The voice that lead me all these years, even if he was busy with royal duties. I smile to myself and slide my hand away from the cheek of the statue.

Without turning to face him I ask, “Hello, father, how are you?”

“I’m perfectly fine. You were only gone for a mere few weeks, that’s nothing but a few days to me or even less.” He pauses as he steps closer.

“But to her…she would have said it was years. She couldn’t live without you close by. That’s why she took you with her for visits to wherever she went when she could.”

“I know, you told me that many times. No matter her state of health, she’d make time for her friends. Even more time for her family.” I reminisced. There is no other like her. So many people I have talked to. So many people who were kind and genuine. But her…she was different. It must be from the fact I am her child, but no one could match her light. Not to me. Not to my father. Not to our kingdom. She was like no other.

Father walks up next to me in front of the statue and places his hand on its head, careful of the flower crown I had placed on it. A melancholic smile on his face. I can see it in his eyes, the memories of him and mother flashing in his mind like it was yesterday.

A lingering question remains in my mind. A question I’m too afraid to ask in fear of an alternate answer from what I truly expect. But I ask it nonetheless; “…Do you blame me?”

The air tenses and I can now sense my father's eyes on me in confusion. So innocently he asks, “Blame you for what, my darling daughter?”

“Her not being here… Lilia told me the reason her health was always low. He said it was an after-effect of giving birth to me…” I continued. Lilia had recently told me the truth about my mother’s condition. I had been holding out on it but I got curious and now the thought of all of this being my fault couldn’t leave my mind. I needed an answer.

“My child. My only child. I indeed miss your mother dearly. She showed me that a world without pain doesn’t exist but a world with growth does. That is why I say now; it was not your fault.” My father said as he turned and gripped both of my shoulders.

“Your mother knew the consequences of having a child of fae - my child - a child so powerful it could kill her. She knew that no one of royal fae blood has ever had a human spouse, much less give birth to a half-blood royal fae child. She knew that there was a risk and she took it anyway, going against my and Lilia’s words of caution. We could not change her mind. She wanted you. She wanted us…as a family.” He continued, his lime green eyes staring into mine. Tears begin to well up, blurring my vision. I tried to hold them back but my father pulled me into an embrace and I started to bawl.

“Maelora Draconia, you are a gift. A gift that is more important to this world than they have yet to discover. Your mother loves you even in death. I will love you forevermore.” He smiles as he lifts my head to wipe away my tears.

“I miss her…” I say just below a whisper.

“I do too…” Father kisses me on my temple and moves his hands from my back. I grab his arm and turn the other way before waving to mother. As we walk away I strike up a conversation, just to break the silence. So I ask gently, “Father, do you mind telling me the story of how you met and fell in love with mother, again?”

“Not at all, my princess. It all happened, Once Upon a dream…”

#twst disney #twst #twisted wonderland #Diasomnia #Malleus Draconia #twst angst

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skoolnites · 1 year

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𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙊𝙣𝙚: Living Up to the Stereotype

previous chapter | Masterlist | next chapter

-> 𝙒𝘾: 1.3k

->𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: Y/n is really on her psychology grind and also subsequently in her soccer mom era

->𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: Swearing and suggestive content is mentioned (ie sex jokes)

->𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙚: Y'all I'm sorry I had some last minute school stuff then I wrote most of this after my wisdom teeth surgery and let me tell you my writing sucked. I'm back and wisdom teethless and annoying as ever. Also I'm so sorry if I got some psych stuff wrong I'm a comms major just loved AP Psych in HS. Also with these text messages the first VB GC the blue is hinata but then I realized I'm dumb so in the next images Atsumu is blue.

“When thinking of tests to perform and other theories that have been connected to attraction the first one I consistently found myself researching was the stereotype content model (2002). As a healthy baseline I believe that by trying to match Subject A’s ideal admiration stereotype they will hopefully stereotype me as such. On days Zero to Three (0-3) my main focus will be to start stereotyping as well as create a plan to spend more time with Subject A.”

How hard was it to set up an admiration stereotype, high warmth and high competence, easy.

Warmth could be achieved by some simple support for not only Atsumu but also the rest of the team. Not enough to feel maternal but enough to show she was capable of providing. Reliability was the best way to build up trust. Competence was trickier, Y/n knew she was smart but how to get Atsumu to see that she was smart.

“Hey boys,” Y/n greeting carrying a case of Gatorade for the volleyball team walking over to the bench to set down the case.

“Y/n, you are a godsend,” Suna chuckled, grabbing an orange bottle from the case and passing it to their captain then grabbing one of his own.

The other boys were quick to follow, thanking Y/n then chatting amongst themselves. When Yachi bent down to grab a red bottle she slid into the spot next to Y/n.

“Rumor has it Coach Foster is looking for good tutors for one of his athletes. A little birdie might have put your name down, might want to announce you are available.” The blonde suggested as she held out her hand for a low five which Y/n was quick to comply

“Holy shit Yachi you are the best,” Y/n praised. She could feel the excitement racing up her spine

“Yachi!” Shugo yelled, “Can you help me fill up these bottles?”

“Yeah I’ll be right over,” She shouted back getting up to help not before sending a little wink towards Y/n

“Oh and Tsumu go to coaches office for a sec please!” The captain called out again. Yachi turned to face Y/n shooting her a quick wink and mouthing “all you babe”. Y/n grabbed her phone and quickly typed out a tweet

./././././././././.

Coach’s office was cool due to the many fans normally making it a great place to congregate but at this moment no amount of cold air would calm down Atsumu’s nerves. He knew he was struggling in a few classes, namely statistics, but it was only because volleyball was his life. UTokyo was his gateway to the Japan National team, a stupid degree in communications wasn’t going to do anything for him once he made the big leagues.

“I’ve done everything I can do, kid” Coach Foster said, not looking up from his monitor. “Your Stats grade is too low, the Dean informed me that you won’t be able to play in nationals with a failing grade, I have to bench you until you get about a C,” Atsumu’s heart sank

“Coach please, I need this. Volleyball is my life. There are going to be so many scouts at that game. My career depends on that game,” Atsumu begged and Coach Foster turned to hand him a clipboard. The page clipped down was labeled in bold letters, “Tutor Recommendations”. “You want me to get tutored?” Atsumu asked, glancing at the list he saw three names jumping out at him: Kei Tsukishima, Osamu Miya, and Y/n L/n. Tsuki and him got along fine but working with his teammate was a blow to his ego. Samu, easy answer; absolutely not. Yes he is the obvious choice but they’d fight and Atsumu did not want to be patronized by his brother, they left that in high school. Now L/n was not a bad choice, she was smart and he knew a bit about her. Of course those were just the names he recognized from the list; there were a few more names. After a quick twitter and instagram search Atsumu decided against strangers, they all were pre med or like chemical engineering majors and quite frankly those super smart types terrified him, especially the women. He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but he knew the smart girls were the hottest and there was no chance he could learn about variables and distribution with steamy tutoring fantasies running through his mind. Y/n was pretty but Atsumu knew her, she wouldn’t go for him and he was pretty sure her and Tsukishima were together. He could handle her. So after practice he grabbed his phone and checked Y/n’s twitter for any tutoring information

It was four am when there was a knock on Atsumu’s door. The disheveled faux blond did not expect to find Y/n, his new tutor, at his door, donned in black tank top and sweatpants, messy hair and glasses slipping down her nose. It was like all of his steamy tutor fantasies had come to fruition. The only thing tying him back to reality was the cold air hitting his bare chest. Y/n fiddled with that paper in her hands while her eyes traveled down his body before landing on his feet. The silence was deafening. Atsumu grew smug as Y/n’s face grew red. She knew he was toned, she knew how hard he trained, she didn’t know she’d be seeing him shirtless this early on into this experiment.

“Um,” The girl fumbled, “So um as we discussed early, these tutoring sessions will be used heavily in my psychology final. I need your written consent for our conversations, online or face to face, to be recorded or documented in some form. I also need to inform you that I am purposefully not telling you about my experiment so as to not skew the results. I will be using deception tactics and need you to sign this form stating that you understand that you are a test subject. The tutoring will be completely real and I will not disregard the fact that you need tutoring. My reactions and actions might be faked in order to shift your emotions. There might be a lasting effect on your emotions and help can be provided for free if you contact me afterwards...” Atsumu was shocked, in a situation straight out of his dirtiest thoughts, Y/n was just spewing information. The girl was still rambling when he took the paper from her hands.

“Just here?” Atsumu asked, pointing at the line for his signature. Y/n nodded, reaching into her sweatpant pocket grabbing a pen. He took the pen and scribbled out a signature.

“Better keep that darlin’” Tsumu winked handing her the paper, “My signatures gonna be worth something someday,” He promptly shut the door leaving the girl stunned but her mission was successful.

“When the tutoring opportunity arose it happened to be the ideal way to build up admiration. If I could prove that I was competent in a domain that Subject A was not, I could stereotype myself as someone above him. Later on I will have to backtrack and set myself up as an equal but for now having Subject A hold me at a higher standard is ideal. An important factor I lacked to acknowledge was that we are both college students. I had not been acting as such, and for this experiment to be successful I need to be my authentic self instead of someone dead set on data. When choosing my next effect to showcase I realized I needed to be active during our tutoring sessions in order to truly get authentic results. I also acknowledge that I have used the SCM unconsciously to stereotype Subject A on my own. A sense of pity has fallen upon my views of Subject A which will also have to be cleared up through other tests as to not create domestic feelings instead of romantic feelings.”

tags: @milkteeboba, @90s-belladonna, @rosieyama, @buggy-cj

#atsumu fluff #haikyu fluff #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x reader #atsumu miya fluff #atsumu miya x reader #atsumu smau #atsumu x reader

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heyitssashag · 5 months

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This past week has been chillier than normal. One morning I was walking the kid up to the bus stop and it was -17 with the windchill and it was windy! Today, I made it out for a 7km walk at -1 degrees. I realize this is swimsuit weather compared to places like Saskatchewan (or even northern BC) but I’m a wimp and it’s too f*ckin’ cold. 🥶

The other day, the kid and I went to play with kittens at a shelter. After we left, the kid had a total meltdown. They were in tears sobbing on the side of the road saying they missed our cat, Steve. We sat at a bench while I consoled them. It was hard but I think, as a result, it was therapeutic. They were able to work through the grief and release some of the pain they’ve been carrying around for the last 4.5 months.

Lately, I’ve been increasingly frustrated and completely fed up with transit and HanyDART. I made an appointment at the end of the month to write the learner’s license test. I’m hoping I don’t chicken out. (I’ve explained numerous times on here in the past why I don’t drive so I won’t get into it now.) I made a step-by-step plan this time on what I need to do to get my license so it’s comfortable for me. Hopefully, the fear and anxiety won’t take over. I’m also hoping I’ll be able to turn my body and head just enough to be able to shoulder check when it comes time for the road test. I really need to do this. One step at a time.

I read two more books. The first one was The Woman in Me by Britney Spears. Let me start off by saying, I’m not a fan of hers. Not of her music nor of her as a person but I kept hearing how great the book was. So, I put aside my opinions, judgements and preconceived notions about her and read the book. First, it was written by a ghostwriter but it was done well aside from a few spots where I was confused due to continuity. The bulk of the book was actually pretty depressing and sad. While I’m still not running out to buy her album, I do have a new-found understanding on why she’s the way she is. Her family completely gas-lit and manipulated her into being just a money making machine. She mentioned a lot about what went down with the conservatorship and all I can say is that her father is quite an extraordinary piece of 💩. There’s a lot of areas where I thought to myself “Why didn’t you just research or consult another lawyer?! How can you be this naive?!” But, then I think of why women stay with their abusive husbands or other instances where the victim is just beat down mentally, and they lose the will to fight back. There were so many other things that led up to that point as well so I’m not going to give spoilers but it was equally interesting as it was depressing. She seems pretty “eccentric” (for lack of a better word) now but she’s been through a lot and many things that I can’t even begin to wrap my head around as a “regular” person.

I needed an uplifting book after that so I read Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Be Useful. This is another book I would never normally read but again, it got great reviews so I figured I’d give it a go. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. It was awesome! I really enjoyed it. He told a lot of stories and it was very inspiring. I think this is definitely one of the top “self help” type books I’ve read. I also think if you’re any sort of athlete, a creative or someone who’s interested in doing service work, this would be worth the read. It’s also great for anyone who just feels “stuck”. This is a no-nonsense, yet “feel-good” book. Meaning, I was in a better mood after reading it.

My Oma called me this evening worried about me because I haven’t called in two weeks. I totally forgot. My brain just isn’t where it’s at. I’m on the 7th day of the new chemotherapy so I’m still adjusting to it. My “to-do” list is piling up again because I’ve let a lot of things slide this week. I’ll likely let that list pile up even more. I have to go in for my Zometa (bone strengthening) infusion this week at the hospital and I tend to feel a bit flu-ish and/or sore for a few days.

I’ll probably just read more.

#metastatic breast cancer #Sundays are for walking #book reviews #life update #blogging on my blog

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boqvistsbabe · 3 months

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Update!!!!!!!!

Hey Y’all!!

Here is the start of hopefully monthly updates. I know in my last update I said I was going to be more consistently here and active. Obviously, that didn’t happen lol. Trying to hold myself to that rn. So this is probably going to be the format for all of my update posts, just so they are easier to follow.

Refresh:

So I am almost completely done with the blog refresh. I think all that is left is updating links and getting some other posts (ex: theme days) made/redone. Most of that got put on the back burner due to how long they were going to take lol. But hopefully, over Spring Break, I’ll be able to get those done (no promises, another thing I’m trying to do, is be more realistic about what I want to get done by when so).

Writing/Other Content:

Ik I said I’d write more. Once again didn’t really happen. Well, I have written a decent bit, but never finished anything. There is one fic that I am going to try and work on after this week (midterms lol) and have someone look over it (the first time I’ve had a beta reader, look at me go lol). Like the blog as a whole, I am trying to organize my writing, like requests and my ideas and what is going out when etc. (@ any of the other writers if you have any suggestions of what to/where to organize my stuff so it doesn’t get all confusing and mixed up you should def let me know). Speaking of requests, I am going to try and do at least two requests a month. That doesn’t sound like a lot but for me, that feels like something I can realistically do. I will be doing old requests first because even though they are years old at this point, I liked the ideas so I genuinely want to write them. I am still going to be accepting new requests (esp because sometimes that helps spark creativity/help with writer’s block so feel free to send in any ideas!!) but I will try to get those older ones done first. As for any other content (playlists, moodboards, IG edits, drawings, etc.) I am also taking requests for those so feel free to send in any of those requests too.

Another Blog?!

As of rn the second hockey blog has not been “released”. I want to catch up on things for this blog before I throw that into the mix and try to grow that as well. I am hoping to add that sometime this summer. Also, I do technically have a sideblog already (@samistheman) which is normally where I reblog random things, and I don’t really have tags for that blog I just kinda willy-nilly reblog there (it used to be mostly PJO stuff but now that’s kind of here because of how much of it there is lol).

Life Update:

College is a lot rn. I’m doing 17 credit hours and tbh do not know what possessed me to do that. At first, I was doing pretty good, but now not so much. Like I said earlier I have midterms this week. If y’all didn’t know this, I’m shit at taking tests so not doing great rn. Thankfully one of my classes ends on Sunday so at least I don’t have to worry about that. I’ve had a lot going on in my personal life recently that is impacting a lot so trying to navigate that as well. I am moving out in May, which is yes months from now but there is still a lot that I need to do beforehand. Anyway, I’m going to a college hockey game on Thursday and I am super excited. I haven’t been able to go to a game since October. Also little fun update, I’m going on a weekend (work) trip to Boston. Super excited for that. I’ll be getting to go to a Celtics game and a Red Sox game (I’m a Royals girlie tho). I’ve never been to an NBA game so that’s for sure gonna be really cool. I’ve been to many MLB games before but this will be my first at a different stadium. Anyway, I think that is it for this update. Hope y’all are doing well!!

As usual, if y’all ever want to talk dms/inbox are open <3

I am going to tag some moots, I am totally forgetting some people so I am sorry for that (if y'all could reblog that would be amazing)

@2manytabsopen @krugstrash @jimmystrudel @andreburakozy @sidneycrosbyhoe @fallinallincurls @timstuetzle @typical-simplelove @ilyasorokinn @drei-mrssvechii

#blog things

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fruit-of-infidelity · 7 months

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⚰︎ DIABOLIK LOVERS Pre-Order Tokuten Drama CD: “Vampire★Juice ~A Suspicious Syrup from the Underworld~” ⚰︎

Japanese Title: ヴァンパイア★ジュース〜魔界から変なシロップ〜

CV: Takehiro Kou, Konno Jun

Audio Available: N/A

Author Note: Hehe, finally the goofy vampire juice CD is here for Ryuuto and Richter~! I had sooo much fun writing this because I speed-typed it in three(ish) days. Ryuuto (hopefully) comes across as very silly with how he just speaks before thinking and follows in Kanato's footsteps by starting to strip-off xD (and i think this is the first time he actually cusses on record?? So, big boy steps for him lol). Richter also gets to have some silly moments in this, being babied by his son and proving himself to be a lightweight lolol.

― Ryuuto is painting in his studio. ―

Ryuuto: Hmm…

No, this won’t do at all.

There needs to be movement. Soft, flowy movement… Of those satin curtains over there, and perhaps even your hair in the wind.

Pet, do me a favour and open that window, there.

― You do as he asks. ―

Now, take a seat back down… Yes, that is much better.

I’ll be able to capture so much more upon the canvas. Don’t shoot me such a hurt expression, Pet. You breathe plenty of life into my art…

This time, however, you alone are simply not enough, fufu.

― Squeak, squeak. ―

…Hm? What on earth?

― Flap, flap, flap. ―

That sound… My, it seems we have a visitor.

― A bat crashes through the curtains, landing on Ryuuto’s paint palette, and then the floor. ―

Oh, good lord…! Tut, what a mess!!

― It leaves little wet and paint covered bat tracks as it stumbles over to him. ―

Bat tracks… and paint. Sigh.

― You stress your concern. ―

It is totally fine, they are tougher than they look... Although, this one clearly this isn’t a Familiar of mine with this level of clumsiness…

― Squeak, squeak! ―

…Aah, and now I see why.

You’re a Familiar from the Demon World, you say? Bearing a package from… Say that name again? Surely not…

From Karlheinz? My Uncle?

Really? Whatever for?

― Squeak! ―

“In gratitude”? Hmph.

…Well, even I am a little curious about this.

Yes, I suppose you can be on your way, and the sender can rest assured that it has been received. Even if reluctantly…

― It flies off now. ―

…This is certainly something. For Karlheinz to be in any sort of communication with us is unheard of, especially for him to send a package.

This has “suspicious” painted all over it; Who is to say it is even from Karlheinz?

I wouldn’t be surprised if a clumsy Familiar like that doesn’t belong to someone mindless like Ayato, hoping to prank us with an “ominous package”.

After all, what could someone like Karlheinz possibly be sending all the way over here? Furthermore…

Aah, it seems it’s addressed to Richter?

― You wonder what’s inside. ―

Whether from Karlheinz or not, it’s not our place to wonder. We’ll find out once we hand it over to Father, I suppose. Come along…

― You make your way to the living room. ―

One thing is for certain… It is surprisingly heavy.

Richter: What is?

Ryuuto: Ah, Father. Just the person I was looking for.

Richter: Well, now you have found me, do fill me in… Oh, could it be something troubling? Just what is with those grim expressions?

Ryuuto: This package… It is addressed to you.

Richter: Is that all? Give it here, then.

Ryuuto: The thing is, the familiar that dropped it off informed me that it was sent as a “thank you”…. from Karlheinz himself.

Richter: …How interesting. Whatever could he be thinking?

Ryuuto: That’s what I was wondering. Have you been in contact with him lately?

Richter: Not enough to warrant a… gift.

I suppose the only thing to do from here is to open it? There is that saying of “curiosity killed the cat”, and yet I cannot help get ahead of myself…

You, hold the box for me, won’t you?

― You hold the package. ―

Ryuuto: …!! Wait a moment, is this really a good idea?

Richter: Why wouldn’t it be? It’s a package addressed to me, from my brother, in thanks for… Well, who can say?

Nevertheless, I have every intention on opening it.

Ryuuto: Father! Aren’t you worried about it being not all it seems…?

After all, this sort of stuff… It’s been sent directly from the Makai…!

Richter: Come now. Paranoia doesn’t suit you, Ryuuto.

What about you? What do you make of all this?

― You are curious... ―

Ryuuto: What do you mean “take a peek”? Did you not listen to a word I was saying before, about it being a potential for disaster?

Richter: Usually you are the one telling me to lighten up, fufufu.

― “What’s the worst that could happen?” ―

Ryuuto: The worst that could happen? Well…

― You point out something on the package. ―

Richter: Aah, good eye.

If you’re worried that it’s anything less than what it seems, Ryuuto, I think this person has just the thing to alleviate those concerns. Look…

Ryuuto: …Karlheinz’ seal? The ribbon of the box has been held shut with a wax imprint of it?

Richter: Now that matter has been settled… You, hold it still.

― Richter pries open the box. ―

Ryuuto: ...I really think you ought to be more careful.

Richter: Whatever you say, “Father”. Fufu…

Ryuuto: Hmph.

― Richter takes out the contents of the box. ―

…Oh? Of all things that could have been, it is a bottle?

Richter: With some sort of liquid inside it, yes.

― Richter uncaps the bottle. Pop! ―

Hmm, no smell… and totally clear.

Did you say if there was any letter that came with the package? Any sort of hint of what liquid this might be?

― You explain that there wasn’t. ―

…I wonder if it is meant to be drunk?

Ryuuto: That’s… You can’t be serious!?

Sending some strange, unidentifiable liquid is a little suspicious, don’t you think?

Richter: This is my final warning, Ryuuto… Lest you want to volunteer to be the guinea pig, after all, cut it out.

Ryuuto: Fine… Go ahead and poison yourself, for all I care.

Richter: … …Hmph.

…Perhaps there is something to be had with taking a little bit of caution.

Poison isn’t something I considered… I wonder if even Karlheinz would stoop to such levels, despite the show-off that he is?

― Richter decides to pour a glass. ―

In that case, there is one way we can rule out any ill-intentions. You there, won’t you come a little closer for just a moment?

― You question him. ―

Don’t act so surprised. There is one else here to test it for us, is there?

Ryuuto: You mean to say… Our Pet is taking the first sip?

You truly have lost your mind. If something were to happen to her whilst tasting it…

Richter: Then she has the two of us here to rely on. After all, her life always has been completely and utterly in our hands… Isn’t that right?

Ryuuto: When you put it that way…

Richter: Go ahead, give it a try.

― You refuse! ―

Ryuuto: …I agree with him. Drink it, Pet.

Even if we can’t be sure of what it is…

You’re a human, so – come to think of it – I highly doubt you’ll be in any immediate danger. Especially if this was sent by another Vampire.

And, at the very least… Fufu, I’ve actually become a little curious…

Richter: We give you our word that you’re in capable hands.

― You give in... Gulp!! ―

Ryuuto: Well?

Richter: You aren’t green in the face, nor have you collapsed to the ground thus far…

It appears safe, after all.

Ryuuto: Does it even have a taste, Pet? I don’t quite know if my Uncle has a sense of humour, but if it turns out to be nothing more than water…

― You reassure him. ―

Tut, pour me a glass. Let me taste it for myself.

― Ryuuto takes a sip. ―

…Mm, this is quite good. Not what I expected, after all.

Richter: You mean to say, I was right all along? It is harmless, isn’t it? I told you as much. Even you haven’t reacted to it, Ryuuto.

Now, it seems I’ve been left in the dust, fufu.

― Richter pours a glass, and drinks. ―

…This taste…

As sweet as it is… It is awfully familiar.

There’s no obvious labelling, but I could swear I’ve sampled something similar before. I just can’t quite put my finger on it.

Ryuuto: Whatever it is, if you happen to remember the name of it, it might be worth a daytrip to the Makai to purchase some more.

I have a feeling this bottle will be gone soon enough.

― You finish your cup. ―

It seems someone else here is also a big fan of it? Fufu.

Richter: This taste is definitely bringing back some memories…

To send it all the way from the Makai… Could it have been something Karlheinz and I used to drink as children, I wonder?

― Ryuuto uncaps it again. ―

Ryuuto: Shall I top us all up?

― You warn him. ―

…Fufu, look at you, telling me not to drink so much. There isn’t any harm in one more glass, is there? Are you worried I might upset my stomach?

So, who is for one more?

― You deny. ―

Richter: More for us, then. Please, if you would be so kind.

Ryuuto: And another for myself, I think~.

Richter: Mm… You know, it really is bugging me, that I can’t figure out where I have tasted this before. It’s so distinctly delicious, it should be obvious.

― You try to help him out. ―

“Is it juice”? No, that would have a distinctly fruity taste. Instead, if I were to try and place it somehow, it has a pungent tang to it.

It tastes more like… …!! Wait…

Father’s cabinet… Yes, that’s just it!

Ryuuto: What, have you figured out just what it is, finally?

Richter: Fufu… Ahahaha. Karlheinz, you shifty little thief…

You there. Are you sure you aren’t to have any more?

― You insist. ―

“No?” In that case… Cheers, Ryuuto. Fufufu!

― They clink their glasses together. ―

― TIMESKIP. ―

Ryuuto: One―hic―more glass couldn’t hurt~

― You interject. ―

We drank the whole bottle, already?

Fufu, talk about getting ahead of ourselves. Although―hic―I suppose it isn’t a celebration without going overboard just a smidge.

Although, if I were to properly overindulge―hic―this evening… I think I would need to fix my sights on you, Pet… Imagine it, won’t you?

Stripped down naked, and sat nicely in my lap~

― You get flustered. ―

Richter: Good grief, Ryuu…to… Have you no… shame?

I’d ask what has gotten into you, but I… think that much is obvious. In the end, you went through… even more of that drink than me.

― You ask if Richter’s okay. ―

Me? I’m perfectly… fine, just a little tired after all that drinking. I suppose I’ve always… been a lightweight drunk, fu…fufu.

Ryuuto: Just a moment! You mean to say, what was in that bottle was…

Richter: Liqueur from… the Makai. Surprisingly thoughtful of Karlheinz, wouldn’t you say?

After wracking my brain, it conjured up memories of… of when he and I happened to break into our Father’s cabinet…

Full to the… yawn… brim with refined Makai liqueur. Fufu.

Ryuuto: Well, well… Who knew the two of you were such miscreants when you were younger~? Colour me surprised.

Not to mention… you didn’t even react to―hic―it, Pet. You hold your drink well… Maybe we should have laced yours with a little something extra~?

Richter: What was in the bottle was not quite like... yawn… like that which humans drink, nor does it seem to affect… …affect them… as much.

Yaa~wn…

Ryuuto: I suppose that might be a blessing in dis―hic―guise. Who is to say you wouldn’t be all over me, if you had gotten a little tipsy~?

One thing is for certain, though… That stuff really warms you up; I think I’m beginning to get hot flushes! Goodness me…~

― He begins to strip. ―

Haa… There~

…Fufu, what is with those wide eyes? It’s just my shirt coming off, don’t get too excited~ You can’t blame me for wanting to cool off?

― You look to Richter for help. ―

Richter: Zz… zz…

Ryuuto: Oh dear, don’t look over there… It seems, after―hic―all that Father has fallen asleep. So, bring your focus back to me, won’t you?

Fawn over your Master some more…

― Ryuuto creeps closer to you. ―

Unless… you want to take the reins this time? What a delectable little thing you are~

Maybe that’s it… Shall I be the “Pet” in this―hic―new arrangement? Go ahead, then… Praise me. Please? Pretty please~?

― You try to wake Richter. ―

Richter: P…Pardon? Did I… drift off, for a moment?

…R-Ryuuto. What happened to your… shirt?

― You offer to get water for them both. ―

Ryuuto: Never-mind that… Water, to sober us up? That’s just an old wives’ tale.

Richter: I suggest we should… Mmh… Just sleep these effects off…

― Richter rests his head in your lap. ―

I’ll just… rest my head here, alright? Your lap makes for… a decent pillow, after all. Don’t… Don’t wake me.

Zzz… Zz…

Ryuuto: Father, what are you doing…!? If anything,we should―hic―or, I should, be the “pillow” in this situation…!!

After all, I’m beginning to take my role as “Pet” very―hic―seriously.

― THUD. ―

― Richter rolls right off your lap onto the floor. ―

Fufufu… Don’t look so worried, he’s completely fine… He is tougher than he looks, even whilst asleep―hic!

Say… A-Are you sure there isn’t any more left in the bottle….?

― You express your concerns. ―

Pfft…~ Ahaha, you’re really cute when you become all concerned like―hic―that. It’s really a shame that you haven’t even been the slightest bit affected by the stuff, though… You haven’t been, right?

― You try to think. ―

Richter: Y…You’re feeling hot?

Ryuuto: Wh-What a pervert you are, old man…

Trust that you would have picked up on that, even whilst nearly out cold~

Richter: That’s not the case, this time... My head is spinning, and beginning to throb…! Even with the liquor working against me, it’s painful...

…A-Am I on the floor?

Ryuuto: You’re awfully heavy, it’s no wonder you―hic―totally rolled off on your own. Next time, snooze on someone your own size.

Richter: …Right, then. Shift over, Ryuuto.

Ryuuto: H-Huh…!? I didn’t mean…――

― Richter collapses onto Ryuuto. ―

Richter: Rub my head whilst you’re… ouch, at it.

Ryuuto: You want me to take care of you? A-Are you serious, right now? A-Aren’t you the one that’s―hic―the dad here?

Richter: Less complaining, more massaging.

Ryuuto: You’re one to talk about complaining…

Richter: You there… What were you saying about… Zz…

― You nudge him awake again. ―

A-Ah? Oh, yes… Water, fetch me some water. It couldn’t hurt…

― You go to do just that. ―

― TIMESKIP. ―

Ryuuto: Fu…Fufufu… Come, have a look…!

― You place down the water. ―

Richter: Zz….

Ryuuto: I used the―hic―wrapping tissue from the package the bottle came in, to fashion him something a little more fitting for his sleepy state.

How do you think he looks, in his new baby-bonnet~?

― You laugh. ―

And, with him out of the picture like this… I suppose that makes me the one in charge; I’m the new father around here.

So, how about―hic―it? If me being the “Pet” doesn’t quite suit… What do you say to being taken care of, and calling me your “daddy”, instead?

― You fluster! ―

Your face is completely red… From your nose to your ears, fufu. Have I struck gold? Have I discovered you have “father issues”, I wonder~?

Have you been holding out on me this whole time~?

Go on and say it… Call me “daddy”~

― There is a rustling… ―

Huh? Did I speak too loud and wake him up, after all?

― Richter tears off the make-shift bonnet! ―

W-Waah!?

― And then grabs Ryuuto by his collar. ―

Richter: What do you think you’re doing!?

Ryuuto: Just a moment, now…!

I-It was a joke! A―hic―joke…!

Richter: Attempting to humiliate your own Father with some B-grade arts-and-craft is your idea of a joke, is it!?

Ryuuto: Hey… S-Since when did you get so strong, anyway?

― You plead them to stop. ―

Richter: Whether it’s that liquor getting to his head, or whether he has finally shown his true colours, I will not back down from punishment…!

Ryuuto: “Sleepy drunk”, my ass!

You, h-help me out here!

Richter: And look at you, losing all composure the moment I lay a hand on you.

Tonight is full of surprises for us both, it seems…!!

― You pick up the cups... ―

And, another thing―

― SPLASH! You throw water at them both. ―

Gah…!!

Ryuuto: Woah… I’m soaked…!!

Richter: Y-You…

What on earth was that for!?

At the very least… that took the edge of my tiredness off…

― You call them childish. ―

…Me? Childish!? You saw for yourself, he started it.

Ryuuto: Pointing fingers. Real mature, Father.

Richter: Do not push your luck with me.

Ryuuto: Hmph.

― You ask them to calm down. ―

We are perfectly calm… At the very least, we were until someone insisted on opening that bottle, that is.

Richter: …Perhaps all this emotion is from that gift, after all. I do suppose we overindulged a little back there, come to think of it.

Ryuuto: And by we, you mean “you”?

Richter: Tut. It is like arguing with a child… Oh. Wait~

― You urge them to reach an agreement. ―

…You are quite right. Surprisingly.

― Richter now pinches Ryuuto by his ear. ―

Ryuuto: O-Ow…! What do you think you’re…!?

Richter: You will come to sorely regret making the pair of us look like idiots if you continue to sit on your drunken high horse.

I’ll unhand your ear once we come to an agreement; Might we never overdrink on suspicious liquids sent to us by Karlheinz again.

I would much prefer to no longer stand here and try and compromise with you, weighed down by this water-soaked coat…

What do you say to shaking on it, Ryuuto?

Ryuuto: …Hmph…

― You plead with him. ―

…Don’t look at me with those eyes, you’re practically backing me into a corner, looking so cute… Sigh. For her sake, I’ll agree.

― Richter lets him go now. ―

Richter: Now, before the second-wave, or the headache, hits me… I need to get myself dried out. If you’ll excuse me…

You, you will be fine to clean this mess up, won’t you?

― You nod. ―

Very good. Afterwards, do come and join me in my study, won’t you? Nothing warms these old bones quite like a hot-blooded woman... Fufu.

Ryuuto: …Ow. You know? I think you made my ear bleed…!

Richter: Good grief…

ーー THE END ーー

#ryuuto sakamaki #sakamaki ryuuto #sakamaki richter #richter sakamaki #diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers oc #tokuten #drama cd #ryuuto drama cd

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wayward-dreamer · 5 months

Text

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

I hope you all had a great Christmas or holiday season, and brought in 2024 in your preferred ways. I should’ve said all of this before the end of 2023, but there was a lot going on in those few days, as there usually is during the holidays 😆

I just wanted to thank you for another great year of support and love of my writing, and I’m so grateful for all of you. If you’ve stuck around this long and through all my little breaks between writing, you’re all amazing and I’m very happy that you’re still here. I hope that 2024 will be a better writing year for me, not just in fanfic but in my journey as a screenwriter as well, as we know that 2023 was overtaken by industry woes due to the studios refusing writers and actors what they’re worth. I actually have a lot of plans for my writing, but I can only tell you about the fanfiction for now 😉

So what’s in store for the future?

Well, I’m very close to finishing up The Hardest Lessons, the sequel series in the Life’s Lessons Saga. I've been really quiet about the progress of this because I didn’t want to jinx anything, and I want to have it all done before I send it off to my beta. As soon as I’m done with it I’ll send it to them and I can start posting once they’ve gotten a good amount of chapters read. I honestly hate how long it’s taking me to finish it, but I also have enjoyed the extra time with it because I’m still not ready for it to end. I’m so sorry to those that have been waiting for it, but I promise it’s not going to be too much longer.

I also have another series that I’ve been planning and hoping I’ll start writing soon, which I predict I’ll start posting after THL is finished posting. It’s something I’ve had in my WIPS forever and I’m so excited to finally get to it. I also think that this series will start on Patreon first, as I plan to go back to posting there too. I wanted to give myself a break over the last year, but I hope to get back to it and that whoever is still there will be happy with that decision ☺️

I also have a mini-series I want to write, a lot of one shots and drabbles across all my fandoms, and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to keep up with all of this lol I’m going to hold myself to it more this year!!

So I hope that you’ll continue to stick around, because I really am looking forward to bringing you more things to read and I can’t wait to hear all your thoughts and feelings about it all!

Here’s to 2024 and hopefully another great writing year!

Much love,

Rosh ♥️

#writing update #writing plans

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fanby-fckry · 3 months

Note

39, 35, and 33, for ask game

Yet another writing ask

Thanks for the asks! :3

39. Wildest AU scenario you have written?

I haven’t posted either of these, but it has to be either the A/B/O deconstruction I mentioned in this ask – purely on the basis of being an A/B/O – or the Rapunzel!Jaskier/Dandelion Witcher AU I’ve got set aside.

The Count and Countess de Lettenhove steal dandelions from a witch, who demands their unborn son as payment. The witch names him Dandelion and locks him in a tower for 19 years. Then, one fateful day, the Count and Countess hire Geralt of Rivia to go rescue their now 19 year old son.

Tangled-style hijinks ensue, including Dandelion trying to attack Geralt due to fear of outsiders, demanding to spend a day out on the town before he decides whether to stay with the witch or leave the tower for good, and breaking into random musical numbers – much to Geralt’s chagrin.

The working title is, Dandelion, Dandelion, Let Down Your Hair.

I’ve got a prologue and part of the next chapter written, but it’s on the back burner along with all my other Witcher WIPs.

35. Thoughts on writing challenges/contests.

I love them! Well, I love the idea of them. I think in theory, they’re great for inspiration, motivation, and getting involved in the community for a certain fandom/ship/character. I don’t usually do so well with actually participating in them, though.

I’m going to attempt to participate in Ace Alastor Week this April; hopefully the fact that it’s only seven days long and over a month away means I’ll be able to finish it, haha. 😅

33. Give your writing a compliment.

Oh fuck, again? You guys are gonna make me appreciate my own accomplishments. I don’t think I’ve done this much self validation in one day since the last time I focused on it in therapy, lol.

Ok, you know what? I do a good job writing Lilith.

I was particularly worried about writing Lilith. Men writing women is a meme and all, but I was legitimately afraid that I might start a “transmascs writing women,” controversy – that my Lilith could wind up two dimensional and over-sexualized.

Because the thing about Lilith is that historically, her sexuality is a huge part of her character. I couldn’t just exclude it entirely, especially not while writing from her allosexual husband’s POV. I needed to find the right balance, make sure I was writing her as a person who is confident in her sexuality, not a sex object or a person defined by her sexuality.

And I think I did a damn good job. Lilith is mischievous, intelligent, supportive, protective, vengeful, patient… And I believe all of those qualities show in her characterization, pretty much right from the start.

While UH3 – especially Bloodlust and Butterflies – tends to focus more on Lucifer and Alastor than on Lilith, I wrote her as a person. Not as an accessory to the main ship, not as a 2D plot device, not as a walking pair of boobs. And I’m proud of myself.

#fanby answers #moonrose91 #and they were mutuals #ask game #the witcher #hazbin hotel #fanby: uh3 #fanby: uhverse #suggestive

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sleeptowns · 1 year

Text

a year (or so) of fics, in retrospect

once every handful of years i remember to look back at the collection of projects i’ve finished recently and to simulate a critique as if i’m an art school student — and also as if i’m the haunted teacher’s assistant who wants to be gentle on the prof’s behalf but actually hates your work and also i am the other students who have been sitting there for seven hours straight and can’t offer much more except say, “it’s fine.” a one-man critique day, all parts played by me.

sometimes i do this and the last period of writing has been drier than a pizza slice left in the winter sun, but this time i’m lucky that these last couple of years have been the closest i’ve had to a writing pax romana.

with that said, i’m not entirely sure how valid i am whenever i think these days that my writing has gone through some drastic changes in the last year; i’m not even sure if it’s accurate to call any of it growth, though i’m aware it’s the sort of thing i won’t have a clear perspective on until a few years after the fact. but i do know that i’m lucky to have so many works to act as markers for different periods of my writing, and while it’s far from a sure method of evaluation, there are parts there that i’m able to at least assess, if not outright measure. in the last year or so, my fics have started mutating towards — not really a separate sort of output than my previous ones, but definitely older somehow. older and quite different because of it: stylistic choices i would have steered clear of before, failed and/or lacklustre genre explorations, even relationship dynamics that were previously unfamiliar territory. my most recent fic feels like a culmination of all my attempts at wrestling with my writing in the ring, and now that it’s a few weeks behind me and i get to look at it with fresh(er) eyes and accept that it’s my favourite child (i’m sorry flls... you’re not too far behind), it’s also reminded me that i have a now overdue fic roundup to write.

tangentially speaking, it’s interesting that you never really hear about self-taught writers. self-taught artists, yes, and self-taught musicians, but never quite self-taught writers. i don’t exactly purport to have taught myself everything i know about writing, and i know you can’t really be self-anything as a writer; what i lack in technique and finesse learned from proper writing classes, teachers, and/or workshops, i owe to the media i’ve consumed, good and bad, as well as to the creators i love and to all the thoughtful readers i’ve had over the years. if i’m self-taught in any way, then the self as a teacher was reared by countless others who have honed in me a limitless capacity to be an observer to stories, mine and all else.

this post is just a roundup of all my fics from december 2020 to january 2023, including only the ones with enough substantial content to write about, which disqualifies a lot of the fics i left at one or five scenes max but qualifies the ones i abandoned at one chapter. just a little something for me to reference as i figure out where to take my writing next and hopefully move towards some kind of ✨ growth ✨ lol

・・・・・・

FIRST LOVE, LATE SPRING december 2020 to march 2021, jujutsu kaisen trial element | dual pov romance, multimedia (?)

i covered a bit of the early chapters and conceptualization for flls in a separate post, but as i was reflecting on how to write a continuation, it occurred to me that if there’s a clear before and after to the current state of my writing, then the first portion of flls chapter five is where i’ll find it.

when i was drafting my 58393th version of that chapter — nothing was working, none of it was the right vibe i needed, most of them too detached or too on-the-nose but never the perfect middle — i happened upon trying second person pov by accident. i’m not the biggest fan of second person (though to be fair, i don’t think anyone is) but by that point i was so sick of writing and rewriting this one section and not getting anywhere that i wondered if i should just lean all the way into that disgust. why not do something i hated entirely? and act of desperation as that was, the moment i started writing in curt, nauseating second person, i knew it was the right choice.

the thing about writing flls!yuuji is that he felt both alive and unfamiliar. flls!megumi was easier to understand, even if he was trickier to write — but yuuji, i had to really work to get to know. one thing about him that i knew to be careful about from the very beginning of jjk is that it would be too surface level to think this boy is an extrovert. yuuji is usually painted as an energetic, sunny person, and i don’t think he’s not that, but there’s something about yuuji that’s also very internal and almost innately… isolated? i don’t know if that’s necessarily the right word, but there’s a lot about him as a character that’s out of view or grasp, which ironically i find people taking at face value. in flls, he required a lot more balance than megumi, who was a dam waiting to be relieved of its duties. flls!yuuji knows who or what he is — how could he not, when he’s never had a choice but to be this person, this kid who lost his grandpa, this kid who needs love but doesn’t know how to ask for it because he doesn’t even know there are forms of it he can ask for?

how to write a character like that? how to nudge someone who doesn’t reveal even at his most revealing towards the christmas eve fight i had set up in the beginning of flls chapter one? back before chapter six of flls came out, i saw a lot of people argue that megumi and yuuji just needed to communicate, and yes, of course they do, but i was also very adamant as i started chapter five that the real tragedy about them is that communication will do nothing in the end. even if they magically became master communicators about their needs and wants and insecurities, none of it will change the fact that neither of them are ready to love and be loved by the other person. at least not in any way that constitutes a relationship that feels like love.

i think that’s the key to writing the relationship in flls. it was never a question that they loved each other, and how much. never. this is probably the first piece of ~growth i appreciated about flls. it would be easy to write a romance where the main conflict is them not knowing the other loved them back, but flls got rid of that quite early. i left no room for doubt — or at least this is the hope — that flls!itfs loved each other in a way no one else would be able to compare to. they’re it for each other. but if it had been as simple as portraying that, then i never would have finished flls at all, and it definitely wouldn’t have been my longest fic at the time.

instead — what if it was a given that they loved each other, and it still wasn’t enough? what kind of story can we spin about that? what kind of questions and answers can we find?

that’s actually such a pretentious way to frame that, but the fact of the matter is that i needed to not waste space now that we’re five chapters in. this is the beginning of the end. how do we shift gears and take the tone of the entire story along with it? i don’t know if there’s something about second person pov that’s just inherently full of dread, but it did quite a bit of work in chapter five. it felt disembodying for me as a writer, and i could only hope the same for readers. i was really, really worried some people will give up reading altogether thinking all of chapter five will be in second person, but i didn’t want to compromise. it was going to be second person for most of their real relationship or nothing: vaguely dissociative, intensely drained, with no room to actually enjoy being each other’s boyfriend. the main challenge was to not go from zero to a hundred in a snap. i had the room to do so in only one chapter, but i had to find a way to keep a tight rein on the pace or else the whole fic will fail.

there also had to be love. and longing. and a desperation to make it work. i think that was yuuji in a nutshell — someone desperate to make it work, whatever this thing is. that’s what constitutes his strengths and his weaknesses, in canon and in flls. i wanted to find a way to make that palpable to a reader the way it was palpable to me while writing yuuji in second person. somewhere along making sure to tether myself to him by knowing what pieces of media he’d reference (high school musical and fullmetal alchemist) and his life outside of megumi (work, basketball, tea with nanami, skateboarding), i had to also drown with yuuji in the hope that the reader would follow. chapter three afforded me the luxury of only examining yuuji from the omniscience of a writer writing in third person — i could dismantle him through the therapy scene, could show myself and the reader a way to understand him, but i could not take us there to where he is.

i don’t know how successful the second person pov was, ultimately, though i’d be lying if i said it wasn’t what i thought was truly best at the time. it probably wasn’t that creative to anyone but me, but it gave me a nudge towards different ways to explore… vibes. atmosphere, maybe, is the more formal word for it. if not for the second person pov choice in flls, i wouldn’t have been nudged towards kamo’s newsletter to act as the midway point of the story, the last palate cleanser i’ll allow myself and the reader, and i never would have written please let me love you forever and days of brutalism and hairpin turns the way i did. i owe a lot to that tiny but crucial choice, as does flls as a whole. everything that followed that section — the fight, the aftermath of the fight, the breakup — relied on it to make themselves work, and it’s funny (and valuable to note) how it’s something as seemingly inconsequential as a pov choice that set the tone.

especially because there’s nothing special, really, about those following scenes. the christmas eve fight, megumi’s conversation in the car with geto, the break-up itself — all of it followed my standard flow of dialogue. sure, there’s more tension when you’re writing an argument, let alone when writing scenes that will inevitably lead to a break-up, but all scenes, particularly dialogue, have to feel fraught with some kind of energy and inevitable anyway. for the remainder of chapter five and six, i just coasted on the tone set up by the beginning of chapter five, and that’s knowledge that has served me quite well since. atmosphere goes a long, long way, and with my writing style, a healthy balance between dialogue and introspection will take me the rest of the way to the finish line. the part of flls that i’ve heard people find the most heartbreaking were also its simplest. all of chapter six is dedicated to one wedding, and chapter seven to one evening. i wish i could say there was a trick there, that i agonized over how to write such important scenes, but my personal takeaway is that there is no trick. the point is that you get the story to a point where those scenes write themselves; there’s nowhere else for the flow to go, and geto’s gentle unpacking of megumi, the last few scenes before megumi and yuuji break up, and the bittersweet reunion after two necessary years — i can only hope they carried a sense of “this is the only way it could have gone” the way they did for me. geto doesn’t tell megumi anything we don’t already know from earlier chapters, if only just now put into words. megumi and yuuji also don’t tell each other anything, in the breakup scene and the getting back together sections, that we haven’t already gleaned from them. from the moment kamo’s newsletter ended and we headed into act two — everything was just wrapping up what i left for myself.

it’s worth noting that i did try to complicate the final chapter a bit. i tried a split pov between yuuji and megumi at first, as a way to finally reconcile their two perspectives, but that felt too cheesy. i tried an outing to nagoya for nobara’s birthday, tried to divide the pov amongst the people in their lives (junpei, nanami, nobara, etc), and even to do my usual cyclical structure of starting with the same image we did in chapter two, this time in yuuji’s funabashi apartment — but those all felt too on the nose. i trusted my flls readers. maybe that’s what all it came down to. i trusted them to know these people, and this story, and i didn’t want to do too much and compromise that trust. and in the end, i would argue, returning to simplicity made the story what it was.

something i love to think about is how to explain my fics to others. i know it’s been said a lot that the ao3 tagging system has convinced a mini generation of writers that tags and names of tropes are all you need to pitch/be pitched a story, and i wholeheartedly agree. or i might just be terrible at advertising my work, with an obnoxious aversion to learning how to do it better to boot, but to be fair, i think my premises are all just as boring as they are ridiculous. flls is a college au with two friends with benefits turned fake boyfriends turned real boyfriends turned exes. that’s it. there’s nothing else in the plot but that. yet it’s a lot more to me than that, and sometimes that’s all you have when you send a story out into the world. the knowledge that it was briefly yours, and now it isn’t, but that doesn’t at all devalue what you’ve taken away from spending time with it.

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US april 2021, jujutsu kaisen trial element | short form, childhood friends

this is one of a handful of attempts at writing a trope i don’t love all that much, inspired largely by the atmosphere in “horatio” by t.j klune. i was very conflicted about this fic when i first published it, primarily because it was so short and written in a sparse style i didn’t know how to evaluate, and partly because it didn’t feel substantial. in a post i’ve put on private since, i’d written:

what if i repeat the same themes in another context? that doesn’t make the theme carry any less weight as long as i put heart and sincerity and compassion into how i’m writing about it. there’s something that is equally as much self-deprecation as it is borderline vanity in me placing these rules upon myself. i’ve always known i wrote first and foremost out of love, out of what makes me excited to write — and that still applies here. i was thrilled to be able to experiment with a short, snappy fic. and that’s far more important, isn’t it, than whether i’m writing a different dissertation angle on love or friendship or family or career? it doesn’t feel like it, no, but it should, because i know it is. i know that what matters to me is that writing is fun and compassionate, and i know that as long as one person finds comfort in a world i’ve built, it’s enough.

i don’t sound very convinced there, and i wasn’t. i still don’t know what to make about us. i like that it’s short, and i endeavour to write more short fics with nothing specific or significant about them — but it’s hard to stomach its existence, let alone see it as something to love. it just feels so… not empty, but definitely less than what i’m used to asking from myself. it’s short, it’s sweet, it’s snappy. it’s also formulaic in its own sparse way, and i think it works because of the sweetness, but the truth is that if i hadn’t written it for itafushi week, i would never have greenlit it for publishing. i still wrestle nowadays with wanting to delete it, but it matters so little to me that i can’t even justify that much. it’s a weird limbo of a story, though i still hope to explore this kind of writing more in the future.

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SOME KIND OF WE june 2021, jujutsu kaisen trial element | sequel to existing complete story

broke my own rules here by revisiting a story past its run, but to be very fair, it was less out of sentiment (though there was also that) so much as me startling at my first proper reread of the latter half of flls and realizing there are still unresolved arcs for megumi because the final chapter set two years later only had yuuji’s pov. not many of them, and none especially urgent, but i thought it would be a good opportunity to reorient the story to something quieter and more mature than what the central conflicts in flls left room for. i’m not convinced the back-and-forth between pieces of their recent few months being together and the present evening worked as seamlessly as i wanted it to, but it was still a nice opportunity to use a non-linear narrative to explore the growth and development of a relationship that i left at quite the bittersweet open-endedness. what was only delicately certain by the end of flls was made concretely certain through some kind of we, even if it did run a bit too sentimental and saccharine. but i think it can be forgiven, considering what yuuji and megumi went through in flls proper.

the main challenge of this fic was figuring out which portions of their life post-flls were worth including, and the first draft had five potential sections:

tokyo, for megumi’s first visit back after moving to chiba, mostly dedicated to him realizing that home — after being rooted for so long to this city, this one apartment with his dad, the same neighborhood and transit lines, to the gojo-geto household — now finally belongs somewhere else, with someone else.

funabashi, most of which was preserved in the version that was published.

sendai, to visit grandpa itadori’s grave, which i decided to streamline into a single scene at the end of the final some kind of we draft to cut away the excess and break it down to the core of why i wanted them to make this visit — which is to hammer home for yuuji that he isn’t alone anymore, that he has someone taking care of him and loving him without fail and with care, and to give megumi the agency to solidify, for his own sake, that he’s someone who means the whole universe to yuuji. enough that what place is his will always and solely be his, and enough that megumi will be allowed to love and take care of another person in a way that’s both eternal and an ever-evolving work in progress.

okinawa, for a trip that was only referenced as a backdrop in the final version but that i still like to think a lot about even now. a cc anon said once that the gojo-geto household must be so lonely with all the kids grown up, but as i talked about in another reply once (it’s too far back for me to have time to dig out at this point), i do love to imagine yuuji and megumi being uncles to the next generation, even if not outright parents themselves. sometimes you don’t know what you’re capable of giving as someone who was denied so much as a kid until you see someone so young, a stranger to the world, and know what to give them precisely because you didn’t have it once. and between yuuji not having much family and megumi’s life being complicated by the fact that he has too much family, i think they’re well-equipped to be uncles to tsumiki’s kids and beyond. and i was tempted for a bit to show this in the annual okinawa trips i mentioned in the final version of skow, but there just isn’t enough space without becoming superfluous.

kuantan, to visit nanami, mostly to reconsolidate the rather serious interaction megumi and nanami had in flls into something gentler, considering he’s still family to yuuji and while nanami might say yuuji doesn’t need his blessing, yuuji will want it anyway. i never did end up writing this part, so it’s not exactly canon to the au and i’m hesitant to make it so, but the idea was to end with megumi asking for both nanami’s blessing and help to propose to yuuji on that malaysia trip.

the end result for this fic was a little lesson for me in cutting and cutting and keeping my hand light on the source, until i’m left with what i consider necessary. the final version of some kind of we is more a collection of vignettes than a straightforward account of megumi and yuuji’s life together post-flls, which i found much more strangely fitting. i feel like i spent so much of flls trying to get them to a point where they’re ready to be with each other, and i just wanted to dedicate skow to them not just making it work but building love on top of the foundations they secure. it’s one thing to portray that through a whole fic dedicated to each milestone; it’s another to write ordinary moments that are made extraordinary because they have chosen that for and with each other. neither of them say i love you out loud in the entire fic, but i wanted there to be no doubt that they do say it. that they do love each other, and that this part isn’t the obstacle it used to be. they’re just some kind of them, together, and this time it doesn’t feel bittersweet for me to send them off to the world for good knowing there’s love falling out of the spaces between each vignette i wrote.

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HAND IN UNLOVABLE HAND october 2021, jujutsu kaisen trial element | fantasy au

yikes. one of two fics in this round-up that i abandoned at chapter one. started this because an idea occurred to me while reading the atlas six, wrote until i had to stop, then didn’t look back once even when it would have served me to.

i flew too eagerly close to the sun with this one, truly, but as far as intentions go, i think both my mind and heart were in the right place. it’s quite clear where this one went wrong: i had neither time nor the energy to dedicate to it; i started it on the same whim i start most other things but this time didn’t have the passion for it — and i confess i just didn’t have the patience required to work on writing the story i wanted to write.

it was also one of those lessons in how often big ideas — or an attempt at them — cannot sustain a story. i had what i thought were clear ideas and intentions about the themes i wanted to cover in this one (the downfall of religious devotion, reconstruction, academic institutions versus personal/individual responsibility, all of which just look like buzzwords now that i’m typing them out, omg), but it just didn’t leave room for the kind of story i like to write. i guess my main takeaway here is that the pitfall of high(er) concept genre stories is that you have to make space for the world at the cost of room for character writing; it’s just the nature of how much space in the narrative you can allot for each individual aspect of the story, and with stuff like fantasy and sci-fi, the worldbuilding takes up a significant amount more than your run-of-the-mill slice of life story where the only world i have to worry about sketching is where someone lives and works.

i do like some parts? it’s kind of crude, how i tried to reconcile my writing style with genre-specific bits, but it’s not all terrible. this sequence is alright:

Megumi was seven the first time he restored something.

Every part of it had been an accident, and he remembers it now only in fragments. The wet rag in his hand as he wiped down the dining hall tables, having to climb the chairs to get to each corner. The horrible echo of something shattering in the kitchen, where Tsumiki had been tasked to do all the dishwashing for the evening. The panic on her face when Megumi got to her, both of them crowding around the shards of ceramic left by what was once a plate. The spill of harsh candlelight from above the sink, the harsher shadows it sent dancing around the broken glass.

But he does remember the remembering. The knowing of what the plate had looked like once, the image behind his eyes anchoring him in place as he latched onto the curl of the shadows on the floor. It would be more intuitive, more rudimentary, than anything he’d learn to do later in life, propelled by the worry on Tsumiki’s face and the footsteps he swore he could hear coming towards them from the other end of the servants’ quarters they called home back then—but it had taken only a single blink for the shadows to cover the plate, tighten around it into darkness, and then retreat to where they were, leaving a clean, untouched plate in the middle of the kitchen floor.

it could be better, but it still could be worse. and i do like the overall architectural imagery and how i managed to scrounge up some standard fare coziness somewhere in the cold, almost-medieval setting.

as far as disastrously failed ventures go, this one could be a lot more embarrassing than it is. i’m not mad at it. it’s far from good enough, and if i didn’t write it in such a frenzy, i probably never would have allowed it to be published. but. it’s a useful failure.

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PLEASE LET ME LOVE YOU FOREVER march to june 2022, blue period trial element | five-character gen dynamic, multimedia

what a... headache of a project. bit off more than i could chew without choking and decided to take even more bites each new chapter because why the hell not, apparently. i do appreciate how un-edited this fic is, despite it all. it feels the most bleeding-heart of all my fics from this past year or so, and it’s nice to look back at this and know exactly when i shifted my approach to it altogether because, again, why not. it’s such a valuable “why not?” to have. it’s nice when i don’t feel quite as… under surveillance? when writing a story. and i get to just go off the rails a bit. a lot, actually, with this one. it’s nothing crazy because i don’t think i can write anything crazy (though i think hairpin turns had blinks of it), but there’s definitely plenty of choices that i’m surprised i decided on with a sober mind.

to be fair, they weren’t exactly mindblowingly successful. if i were to rate this fic out of five, despite all my fondness for it, i’d maybe give it a 2.75. it’s a well-earned mark, and i have a special soft spot for people who have read it, but i’m not mentally proud of it. emotionally so, maybe, in whatever way i can be, but if this fic didn’t feel so intimate with a much cozier readership and comment section, i’d be a lot crueler to it than i am, i think. as it is, it makes for wonderful conversation and reflection for me, and it’s always fun to consider how a story about a disbanded idol group became a metaphor for childhoods lost to growing up too fast and also involved alternate universes.

but cycling through five povs really is too much, i think, and if it was exhausting for me to write then i imagine it was just as exhausting to read. a nicer alternative would have been to stick to one pov for each chapter, but even that was a lot to juggle considering there were also smaller dynamics going on in the background with each character. within the core group of five alone, there were thirty-one variations of scenes to write, including individual introspection and pairs — and that’s not to take into consideration trios, or groups of four or the whole five plus a secondary character, for example. i don’t know how i pulled off my usual character study here. i don’t know if i did.

another thing about this fic is that i’m still not sure why a time loop didn’t work. i wanted it so badly to work. i thought it would be fun, but i guess time loops aren’t necessarily compatible with prose. there’s something about repetition and looping that’s best visually, but even if i had been able to stick to imagery and vibes, it would have gotten tedious at some point for me and a reader considering the quantity/length i tend to need. just something to keep in mind if i get the urge to keep trying time loops in future works and wonder why it’s not sticking seamlessly. as with a lot of things in life, if you have to force it then maybe it’s not meant to be there. or maybe you have to go shortform, narrow down the playing field?

one thing i’d commend this fic for is how it managed to unpack so much between dynamics that barely exist in canon. that, and how it managed to pack so many formats into one story — song lyrics, album reviews, tweets, a play, nonfiction, a profile, wikipedia pages, messages, i don’t even know how many more — while maintaining a semi-cohesive tone throughout. there was a lot of fun there, in figuring out how to adapt your typical characterizing to a format you haven’t tried before: how would kuwana write a preface to hashida’s book? would this particular character include rhymes in their song lyrics, or are they more of a diaristic stream of consciousness kind of lyricist? what medium best translates this character’s personality? what medium best conveys this dynamic’s under-the-skin knowing of each other? who sees more than the others, and how can i show that without using the same structure of two or three characters talking in a setting that doesn’t change?

my favourite part is probably the fake album review at the top of chapter four? there’s something giddying about the research-like quality of figuring out how to perfect the tone that music reviewers tend to default to, but also sobering about how easily adapted this fake idol group’s history is from real life. the easiest part of the entire fic was making this group feel real to me, situated in the real life history of j-idols and beyond, even if i admit to shying away from being explicit about the worst things that would still have been grounded in reality. some references to real life idol incidents worked a little too well, but there was also how clean it felt to spin fictional lore for this group in that fake album review. from their individual songwriting styles to tobi’s own background in-story to the kind of themes and concepts a faux pretentious pitchfork reviewer might like to talk about — it was just incredibly fun. i don’t know when else i’d get the chance to write something like that. everything else paled in comparison to it soon after, though i do also tolerate whatever my writing was doing at the end of chapter five, even if some parts of that chapter also feel lacklustre through a hypercritical lens. it doesn’t hold up under extremely rigorous scrutiny, even if i consider the fact that i’d just wanted the fic wrapped up as soon as i could at the time. it could be better, more so than all the other fics in this post could be better. but i don’t mind too much that it isn’t better. i mind it a little. just a little. but its flawedness is also what forced the multimedia format to happen in the first place, and that, i like a lot.

there’s a fair amount that this fic did quite more than alright, i think. if nothing else, it was useful as a playground that i didn’t have to be too finicky about. it will be one of those projects i’ll look back at someday and laugh deliriously over because how did i think that was the only way to make it work, but with the facilities i had at the time, it’s definitely not a shitshow. it has a lot of heart — which doesn’t necessarily redeem awful works, but in passable ones, those parts of the writing meet each other halfway. please let me love you forever holds its own weight, which is plenty more than i can say for most of my other experiments. plus it contains a background relationship that is not at all the focus of the story yet will probably haunt me forever. it’s always the ones you least expect to matter that will ripple further down the line, etc.

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LOSER TAKES ALL july 2022, tomodachi game trial element | soulmates, mystery au

another unpublished little guy left to rot at one complete chapter. i don’t really have any huge problems with this one, just that i tired of its demands very quickly and didn’t have enough attachment to the dynamics in it to muster up any motivation for. but tomodachi game, and especially yuuichi and kei, are so uniquely positioned for a fic like this, and i don’t resent past me for approaching it this way at all. is a soulmate bond that fosters a telepathic link between people who come back from a brush with death kind of an unhinged premise for a mystery au? yes. but so is remodeling a breakfast restaurant with my mom and the guy i didn’t know confessed to me in high school and who is now literally displaced in more ways than one by said remodeling, and even also acting is all i know so here i am trying to find the love of my life by dating anyone for an entire month on a first come first serve basis only to be shocked when that doesn’t work.

again. boring yet equally ridiculous elevator pitches. if i cemented anything for a fact from this abandoned wip, it’s that my premises have always been questionable, and that time and time again, the only path forward is to lean all the way into it — which i did with hairpin turns, thankfully. hand in unlovable hand and loser takes all are apart by about a year, and there’s palpable change here in my approach to worldbuilding even if i abandoned each for unrelated reasons. granted, i might just be better suited to one side of speculative fiction than the other, but that’s such a copout. when it comes to trying new things in writing, the “if he wanted to, he would” logic applies, even if the he in question ultimately finds that it doesn’t work the way he wants it to (like in hand in unlovable hand).

loser takes all worked fine for me, and i loved the inherent intimacy in having two incredibly smart and perceptive characters in each other’s minds while trapped in this soulmate bond that isn’t necessarily romantic. not to mention yuuichi is a deeply unwell person, and his ways of showing attachment to kei range from drastically protective, such as offering to fire the receptionist that was rude to kei, to:

Sometimes, watching Kei asleep right against him, Yuuichi wants to press his lips against Kei’s pulse. To feel it warm and alive under his mouth, to hear that little sigh of ticklish laughter Kei does if someone so much as runs a soft cloth against his neck.

And sometimes—sometimes Yuuichi is also seized by a strong thought, a strong urge, to sink something sharp into that pulse. His teeth, a fork, a shard of broken glass. Sink it in hard, deep enough to leave a bloody bruise, a scar, a puncture. Hard enough to maybe even sever that heartbeat, to tear it, slit it into silence somehow. Hard enough that it feels almost the kinder choice to imagine himself wrapping his hands around Kei’s neck—tightening them without hesitation, itself a mercy of a kind as the blood quickly drains out of Kei’s cheeks. Yuuichi imagines then how Kei will struggle, whether he’ll kick or bite Yuuichi, if he’ll reverse their positions with one twist of a martial arts trained body, or if he’ll just accept it, resign himself to it knowing that not even this, if it’s Yuuichi, could possibly be meaningless.

But it would be. It would be meaningless to kill Kei. Meaningless because Kei is singular in his position within Yuuichi’s life, loyal and intelligent and a force to be reckoned with like no one else is, not even Yuuichi’s sister, not even the only friend he trusts most. Meaningless because every time Yuuichi pictures it, every time he wonders if he’ll have it in him to press two killer’s hands around Kei’s neck, it doesn’t take long for the accompanying sting to come like a splash of boiling water on exposed skin. A kind of scolding, a kind of reminder, that just as much as it would be difficult for anyone to kill Kei—so impervious to physical harm, whose broken bones and bleeding wounds will always heal even if he jumps off a twenty-story building—it would be just as difficult for Yuuichi to do him harm and survive it without any damage done to his own heart at his own hands.

the temptation to keep writing this is not entirely absent, to be honest. but a mystery takes care and attention, and i just don’t have that in me the way this story deserves. but this fic was delicious to write, and i think it gave me a hunger to write more dynamics that feel just as juicy. dynamics that aren’t necessarily geared towards healthy love, but ones that ooze if poked anyway.

i definitely want to revisit the telepathy plot device i explored here someday, but for now, this fic, abandoned wip as it is, is kind of the goldilocks midpoint between failed venture (hand in unlovable hand), almost-passable venture (please let me love you forever), and basically there if being there counts taking your literal first baby step into a new frontier (days of brutalism and hairpin turns).

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HONORARY MENTIONS

i don’t mean to ignore the canonverse fics (here and where you are, i’ll give you something so real, detour, and the two manhwa fics, that is) out of favouritism, but i’m afraid there’s nothing much to say…? not that these weren’t lessons in themselves, but canonverse takes a quarter of the energy and brainpower to write, and i’ll be lying if i don’t go about them essentially all no thoughts, head empty. i talked a bit about here and where you are here, while the logic for detour, which i was happy to write for and based on exchanges with a friend, is pretty self-explanatory. i did love getting to write a character like loid (and i’m relieved that the chapters that follow the ones i took into consideration for that fic hold up the characterization i imagined for him) + it was interesting to give sexual content and the philosophy of desire or whatever a shot in i’ll give you something so real. they were effective at what i needed them to do — which is, really, just to check the temperature of the water. i always feel so rusty when any amount of time passes without me writing, and these small, low-maintenance fics work as a burst of ice cold water before jumping in. i don’t value these fics any less for their place in The Process, and i might even be extra happy when someone likes them, but as far as Advancing The Craft 🤢 goes, all of these are simply necessary bridges to get to the next checkpoint. sometimes you gotta scratch the tip of the pen before the ink starts bleeding like it’s supposed to. words are the same. it takes a while each time to get my writing to a place i recognize, and sometimes a while is an entire fic before i can write the next chapter for an ongoing multi-chaptered story.

(that said: shoutout to the particular flavour of introspection in detour, within which my favourite line was written the literal minute before i sent it off, and a big heart emoji for the fact that i’ll give you something so real unfolds in a span of barely half a day. both are very interesting to think about moving forward.)

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DAYS OF BRUTALISM AND HAIRPIN TURNS january 2023, blue lock trial element | a romantic triad, sci-fi, memory loss (finally!)

my angel. my darling. my love. who is far from being perfect but is the closest i’ve had to at least being sure i won’t just wake up one day loathing the soul out of it. i’ll laugh at it, probably. i’ll think it’s hilarious and cringy someday soon. but it’s a work i can’t not appreciate wholeheartedly.

my cc tells me that the first time i put it on record that i won’t mind doing a blue lock fic is may 16, 2022, and the fact that i didn’t even make it a year and did so in the most Hard To Pitch If This Was An Actual Novel And Not Just A Fic For Fun way possible is worth at least a salute of disbelief, i think. my journal from my writing hiatus also tells me i’ve been trying to make memory loss work since 2020 and managed to scratch the itch minutely with here and where you are (which is… a pretty janky piece of work, looking back now) — but i’m just really, really content, even proud, of how i managed to weave it into a fic adapted from a story about football battle royale.

it’s almost kind of unnerving how satisfied i am with the premise of hairpin turns, even if the execution leaves quite a bit to be desired — as it always will, really, and therein is the joy of finding the next writing project. i laughed a lot at myself while writing hairpin turns, and of all the inside jokes that my works started as, this one is by far the fic to feel most like it — a fun little joke that got funnier and funnier the more of it i wrote, and so i wrote more, chasing that laughter until it was time to catch my breath. and i think with how much i require writing to feel urgent and single-minded to be fun, there’s a part of me that’s easily... bored, for lack of a better word, when something doesn’t give me that. without this fast-paced almost-violence, i get bored and restless, the way i was around all the projects i had lined up after please let me love you forever. i’m making a face as i type that but maybe i just mean to say that there were a good few months there where nothing scratched the itch in need of stimulation. i’d write scenes and they wouldn’t be awful, wouldn’t even be bad, but they weren’t exciting to me. they weren’t thrilling. they didn’t feel like i was dissecting anything, just poking at skin with a scalpel and rolling my eyes when i didn’t draw blood from a dead body — you know?

but projects have an uncanny way of arriving in your life when you most need it, and just when i have peeled and replaced my wallpaper and assembled and reassembled my keyboards and poked at this manuscript i refuse to rewrite until i did a warm-up that felt substantial enough, the blue lock anime started airing. i knew vaguely what dynamics i wanted to write even back when i had only the manga, but i know i could not have tortured this fic out of me then. not before please let me love you forever, not before loser takes all, not even before all my failed attempts at pitching speculative fiction stories to myself at 3 AM and gritting my teeth at my own disgust. the best aus fall into your lap fully formed and fully realized before you even know what you’ll be shaping it into; they’re a little predestined that way, and aus might be why i owe fanfiction my certainty that the author is just as possessed by the narrative if the narrative has its own pace and direction. i think that’s logic that should be applicable to original projects as well.

i did hesitate in the very beginning of hairpin turns because sci-fi was such a huge deviation from my comfort zone and i have the misfortune of being both a taurus sun and an enneagram type five. i’ve never tried writing proper sci-fi, not even a little, let alone enough to be comfortable with knowing where to start something that wasn’t merely regular slice of life with a slight sprinkling of specfic. i was sure my writing style wouldn’t be a good match for it. i still don’t think it’s a match, necessarily. my prose is a bit too sentimental for some of the demands sci-fi asked of me — and that’s fine. i wouldn’t know the precise nature of that incompatibility if i hadn’t jumped into the pool of sharks and came out of the tank somehow, disbelievingly, friends with them. i began wary of relying too much on technobabble since i’m not exactly the most stem-oriented person around, but even the background of this au wrote itself, half because blue lock was a shockingly perfect match for the world i had in my mind and half because i found that the technology i imagined for the plot was both possible and easy to break down into the narrative. even now i’m still shocked at how scientifically sound the core pitch of the story is, and the fact that it married itself well to both the overarching plot and the character dynamics i wanted to highlight was just icing on a cake i would have tried to politely finish anyway.

it could very well be that hairpin turns is just a fluke, its parts too seamlessly glued to each other that i’m not sure it could have been anything else except luck doing the work there, but i think there’s also credit to be found in how nothing is sacred in blue lock. these are characters who have done ridiculous things and said ridiculous things, and it was a matter of matching their energy. therein is the same lesson from loser takes all: if i’ve always known that characters decide the pace, tone and atmosphere of the story and everything else in it, then doesn’t it also go to say that in order to write a story far out of my comfort zone, i need only start with characters far outside of my comfort zone?

i think with au fics in particular, a lot of the work begins with justifying why certain things are in character for them in this universe based on what we know from canon. but because those boundaries are expanded by what blue lock innately is, it doesn’t feel as weird to posit something like, what if you and your android bf get tasked with rescuing his older brother’s android bf and find out along the way that you might also both be in love with your childhood best friend? as with most other of my initial ideas, this quickly spiraled into something significantly different — which luckily for me included the memory loss idea that i’ve been wanting to explore for forever now. proper sci-fi was the perfect backdrop for it, and bachira the perfect person to willingly do it, and isagi and rin the perfect people to be left in the aftermath of that loss. stars aligned, truly. i’m incredibly grateful for it.

whatever challenges i encountered writing this fic had nothing to do with writing it. it was as smooth to write as it was an absolute pain to edit, because the three povs are so vastly different from each other, and with no outline to mentally check each time i add a new scene, i was reliant on going back and forth again and again to make sure the worldbuilding is cohesive and the plot is coherent. at some point i couldn’t look at it anymore, and it might even be a testament to how much i appreciate the fic that i still can’t look at it now yet cannot deny how fond i am of the final result.

with sci-fi in particular, it really is a case of faking it till you make it, and whatever lies don’t feed into each other, you can always revisit and adjust later. that’s the common sense magic of fiction, i suppose. there’s a degree of patience i held onto writing hairpin turns that i wouldn’t have had with any other previous work, and i think it benefited me more to have all three chapters written in varying increments, out of my usual linear order, than publishing it chapter by chapter. i had all the room to experiment — what does the world look like in 2070? is 2070 even the right year to set this in? is there anything big happening around that time period? how does the lingo change in the time between present and this potential future? when i run into things that feel too out of my depth to write, like isagi’s pov for instance, do i actually have a justification for saying no other than how it will be easier than trying? are there benefits to giving bachira the final chapter that i’m being biased against because i think it would be a challenge? and between all of these choices, how do i adapt existing blue lock canon, from their playstyles to the favourites listed in the egoist bible, to worldbuilding in other forms of media that i’ve always wanted to try a different approach to?

i used to think it was unnecessary and superfluous to go into writing something while getting bogged down by stray facts about characters, in both fic and original projects, but at the same time, it’s truly the tiny details that will humanize more than knowing a character’s birthday or what traumatic events lie in their backstory. tiny details that breed more tiny details, until it’s about the fact that bachira and isagi are childhood friends in this au yet when we meet bachira again he’s calling isagi by last name, or how rin understandably questions the validity of his own humanness because we can only assume sae had recreated him in grief or defiance against mortality or whatever other emotion that we’ll never know for sure because we only ever see sae in this fic through rin, and that matters a lot more than if i gave sae a pov — and yet rin manages to love through the small things, in how the warehouse is in an eternal sunset waiting for bachira to return to him and isagi. it’s about how first love, late spring was about learning how to love someone else the way they need you to when you weren’t loved the way you needed to be, but hairpin turns is about how spending your whole life never questioning if you were loved can rob you of the facilities to put a name and shape to what you feel for someone who’s always been in your life. the things you don’t take for granted, necessarily, but you do love for granted by not calling it love.

hairpin turns is about the pieces obscured from view and all the more present because of it. it’s about lost memories, the phantom outline of a person like a haunting. it’s about how sae never once appears in a direct scene yet he looms over rin’s existence. it’s about how rin’s chapter represents the past, isagi’s the present and bachira’s the future, but time matters little in the end — how could it weigh any more, in a story about memory? it’s about the uneasy momentary peace that’s the only scene we can count on as a happy ending. it’s about the lengths you’ll go to get the chance to be ordinary about your love, even if all else about it is unconventional.

and yet above all, what i like best about this fic is that it works towards questions that feel like being given answers. some of my other fics try to provide answers to its characters and the readers they resonate with, to give them a way to be well-equipped to move forward, while a few other fics settle on non-answers because uncertainty is the only ending there is. but hairpin turns moves outward only to ask more questions, questions that are the answers and the thesis, yet in a way that isn’t strictly open-ended. and i have no fucking clue how i managed it, but this feels like the target i’ve been itching to catch sight of this entire time. this is the kind of story and process i would like to aspire to this year, and even though it had taken me 80k to glean what i needed from it, i’m glad i stayed with this fic as a warm-up.

anyway. this got a bit away from me, and who knows, maybe this level of pretentiousness is only because i’m still riding the high of affection for my most recent brainchild to make it to college — but i’m not totally blind to the flaws in hairpin turns. the execution of the ending itself is clunky, not because it doesn’t resolve anything but because it does, and by then, the post-rescue section has gone on for long enough that even an ending feels like an epilogue. the story overall lacks complete confidence in what it is, with some parts shadowed by a slight hovering hesitation and others weighed down by a heavy hand showing too much kindness to my non-confidence. it’s never too heavy-handed, and definitely not so much that i’ll send it to the bin, but enough that if i want something to pick apart, there are stray choices hiding in places that i’d circle as an editor for feeling too sentimental, or the tone too dissonant with the pacing, or, ironically, not explored enough. in the genre i’m used to writing, the adrenaline rush is in finding the right balance within a new choreography for a dance style i know well, but in my first real foray into speculative fiction, i think i was just trying to find my footing the whole time. i’m still surprised i made it to the other end of the tightrope, honestly. i didn’t expect to applaud myself for the bare minimum, and i still don’t.

but all of this is a lesson for me, too. what i do know is that it’s interesting to tell a story about what’s missing, about the unsaid and the unseen, and if that’s what it will take for me to rediscover excitement in what i write so that i don’t have to sink back into the ennui of these last couple of months, then that’s a pretty darn fun goal to spend the rest of the year unpacking.

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itlivesproject · 1 year

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hello friends! i suppose i should introduce myself now that the game is fully released: my name is sarah, but you will know me as the abel simp anon :) (also, in the q&a when you said you were desperate to find out who i am.. i actually lost my mind slightly because i admire you all so much, i couldn’t stop thinking about it😭, so thank you for being so lovely!)

i wanted to try to keep this as short as possible but i am known to ramble so hopefully that’s not too annoying! (edit: this ask is very very long, i just had so much i wanted to say, apologies in advance!)

firstly, i want to say thank you for being such a welcoming community - i’m pretty quiet and i don’t really share my interests much irl so to have this community means the world to me! i want to give the biggest thank you to you, the it lives project team, because without you guys none of this would’ve happened. i know it’s said a lot (but it’s true) how IMPRESSIVE this whole project has been from start to finish, i am honestly in awe of you all. from perfectly building upon already loved characters to creating your own, to your incredible world building and art (and i don’t even want to think about the nightmare that was programming all the many many variations), your storytelling capabilities are off the charts, seriously! i also want to quickly say that the few people who sent asks in about me made me feel so cool, like a tiny internet micro celebrity😭

i wanted to tell you a little bit about me! first of all, i’m british, so feel free to now read all of my asks in a silly little accent☕️. fun fact: i’ve followed lindsay for quite a long time and saw her original post at the very beginning asking if anyone would be interested in helping to create a third instalment… i actually almost signed up to be a writer on this project as i’m an english student and an avid it lives stan*, but i knew that with my schedule with college i wouldn’t have been able to give it the time it needed and deserved, but retrospectively i definitely couldn’t write anything as incredible as what you guys have produced, and as much as i would’ve loved to be on the team, being a fan has been the best experience i’ve had in a long long time!! *i am actually such an it lives nerd that i once made a powerpoint to tell my friend the entire plot of both ilitw and ilb, and she is eagerly awaiting for when i give her a powerpoint on the plot of ilw😭

i spent so many hours on friday unprivating all my ilw posts as, before this, my blog was completely empty of fandom posts, as like i said before i’ve always been pretty insecure about sharing my interests, and i grew pretty fond of my ~mysterious anonymity~ so feel free to see how long i’ve been secretly reblogging everyone’s posts for now that they’re public lmao

i also finally started speaking more in the discord yesterday (here’s to boosting your self-confidence!) and someone told me that’s how they figured out who i am, so i’m very interested in who that was and how they knew it was me👀

this project has seriously changed my life and i’m so sincerely grateful for everyone involved, you all have such a special place in my heart. thank you for taking care of ali, kassie, and sadie (my devon, harper, and rowan) they could not have been in safer hands🫶 (because i do not have it in me to do a disaster route, they are all ALIVE and HAPPY and abel and sadie will get married and live happily ever after)

so far i have cried 4 times in the last 2 days because i’m so devastated about this project ending, in fact i have an 8 minute long video i sent to one of my best friends just talking and crying about how much i’ll miss the game despite the fact that the community will always still be here (i’m just very dramatic and emotional in case you haven’t noticed that over the past year or so😭)

let me wrap things up because i’ve definitely overstayed my welcome in this ask😭 i don’t think i’ll truly be able to put into words how much this project has meant to me over the last year or so, and it has been an absolute honour to see you and your project grow and flourish. but most of all, it’s been a privilege to be your abel simp anon and it’s safe to say this is an experience i’ll cherish forever and never forget

-forever yours, with so so much love, sarah, aka the abel simp anon💓

(ps. this definitely won’t be the last time you hear from me, i’m clingy as hell😘)

Oh dear Abel simp anon aka Sarah ❤️❤️

First of all, we (especially I) loved getting your asks, it was always fun as hell to read a good chapter liveblog and I was always really excited to see your reaction to the Abel scenes (seriously it made my day) 🥰🥰

Also that’s crazy that you almost applied! I’m glad you enjoyed being a fan so much, we really enjoyed having you as one. And a fellow English major! That’s always so exciting to me 😂

I’m honored we had such a big impact on you and truly we’re so glad you were along for the ride with us, it’s always amazing to know someone has been a fan the entire time. Keep speaking out in the server and posting on your blog, we’d absolutely love to keep hearing from you! And don’t you worry, Abel and Sadie will be happy together forever 🥰🥰

#abel simp anon #mod maggie #ask

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bigskydreaming · 1 year

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Welcome to Kalen Tries a Life Hack/Brain Hack, brought to you by....well, me.

So certain obvious things are obvious: I’ve been struggling for awhile, the whole being off my meds thing for months cuz of the Adderall shortage hit me HARD, and the number one thing I need to actually build and move forward and get out of eternal debt and accomplishing actual goals is a degree of stability.

I’m eternally grateful for every donation people have given me over the years and its literally kept me alive and off the streets at times. But ebegging sucks, nobody likes doing it, and its not sustainable.

Thing is, I’ve been talking about getting a steady patreon up and running forever but like, there’s always a reason why it doesn’t happen. Part of that is because of the basic nature of how things compound when you lack resources and have issues to address on multiple fronts. New problems demanding my time and attention constantly pop up while adding to stress and affecting my overall mental state and productivity. Part of that is the fact that I am my own worst enemy when in states of high stress, low meds, and minimal resources.

I get caught in loops where I convince myself that the only way forward or to validate the help I’ve been given or asked is via some big grand production that of course never materializes because haha if I were in a state where I could reliably create the product I want on the timetable I need, most of my problems would take care of themselves. But also I have a tendency to try and pull a former life hack I used to rely on, the whole ‘when my executive dysfunction is particularly bad, use pressure and deadlines to try and force myself to produce’ which y’know....may have worked at previous points in my life but I was in very different places then and bottom line, it just flat out doesn’t work for me now, so it just ends up as overpromising and flaking out with no actual gains to show for it.

So I’m trying a different approach. I’m just putting it out there, this is what it is, and I’m starting small in complete opposition to my usual (and not working) attempts. I’ve opened up a discord for my fics and original projects and am listing the tiers of my patreon below. I’m following this up with complete rundowns of everything I have SOMETHING for, to some degree or another:

1) Teen Wolf fanfics

2) Original fantasy works

3) Dick Grayson fanfics

4) Original sci-fi works

5) X-Men fanfics

6) Original superhero works (my original superhero universe, the Ellis Eighteen ‘verse)

I’ll tackle the Teen Wolf stuff following this post, and then try and do the rest one day at a time. That’s the gist of the life hack: just going with the philosophy something is better than nothing. None of these do me any good just sitting on my computer and I’m flat out, literally just never going to reach a stable enough place where I AM just able to complete and release any of them in their complete form, the way I’d like, if I keep overshooting without ending any further along.

So I’m just gonna try building it one day at a time, growing it with the support of people who are interested enough in what there is now to want to see more and help me get more out there, until bit by bit I eventually reach actual completion on some of them.

Any and all of these can be followed up on in my discord server should any catch your eye enough to want to try just a trial’s month - with this next month being much the same for me, as I see how viable this is and how well I’m sticking to it, versus what changes I can make to make it more effective.

My blog isn’t going anywhere, the server is just entirely for fic and original projects and all things related to them, but my usual inanity will persist, I do want to try to get back to writing meta and stuff and being more active in my fandoms, hopefully once I get back on my meds and get a little more grounded.

My existing patterns of posting and interaction aren’t contingent on people donating or joining my discord - I don’t intend for much to change here. And I’m not saying like ‘from now on I’m only posting my writing to my discord’ or anything like that. Its literally just for people who want to help support me while I add to my existing content, are fine with or interested in more of my content even in incomplete stages, are interested in commissioning ‘writing time’ on specific projects of their choice while I do my writing directly in the server....and once I do have a new complete chapter of a fic or complete one-shot, etc....that’ll still get posted for anyone to read. Same as how I still intend to publish or self-publish original projects once they reach completion.

Its like I said: I just can’t deliver completion in a timely, reliable fashion the way I want, as is, and I can’t make guarantees on when complete projects will materialize without it just ending up more empty promises. THIS I at least can deliver on, and use it to build to something bigger and more complete. *Shrugs* I’d rather get something out there than just continually shifting goalposts about when something will be out here.

SO!

All that said, below are the tiers I’m going with. I literally don’t even have the patreon itself made yet because a) I’ve used ‘I still have to make that’ as an excuse not to do this too many times so I literally just said fuck it and opened up a new post and started typing this instead, lol and b) Patreon does only pay out monthly and not going to lie, could really use donations in the meanwhile as I’m trying to get a new prescription appointment ($180 now thanks to my psychiatrist raising their rates, yay) for different ADHD meds since Adderall still isn’t reliably in stock and they won’t switch my prescription over to something I haven’t tried out yet without a new appointment (and those meds will likely be in the $50-$90 range).

SO I literally am just posting this now, with my paypal and ko-fi links, but the discord itself is already up if anyone wants to just donate directly and ask for a direct discord link/invite and then I’ll add the link to the actual patreon as soon as its up, but also, if you go the donation route you can try this out and see if its worth it to you this month before actually signing up for the patreon or trying a different tier.

TIERS

1) $1 tier: No rewards offered, I've seen this done by other people who have regular platforms they create content on and don't charge anything so its like a completely opt-in "hey if you just like my blog and content in general, would like to see me be able to make a go of being a creator and support that in general because you think I come up with interesting stuff, this is super helpful and appreciated" thing. I know a lot of people don’t think $1 makes a difference, but literally just $1.39 buys a thing of pasta that can feed me for two days if need be, and a couple more bucks from someone else gets some sauce, lol. Trust me, if you’re ever like “I’d like to support him but only have an extra buck or two and don’t know if that would make a difference” - it does, and is still super appreciated!

2) $5 tier: As stated, I’ve set up a discord where anyone can start threads for literally any of my fanworks, Teen Wolf, Dick Grayson, and X-Men, and ask what I have available as is on that particular project, pick my brain about it, engage me on it in the hopes it leads to me dedicating my next writing session to it if I’m not already planning to write something else in specific, etc. This tier gives people access to it, so they can see the stuff I don't have published or released because its not finished yet, or I’ve written parts non-linearly, and there’s a specific scene they were hoping to see in the fic later on and wondered if that’s written yet, etc. Plus this is where I’ll do all my fanfic writing sessions when I am actively working on a new chapter or something, because I LIKE to write in real-time on things like discord (I used to write fic in a messenger app with Moukie. I didn’t even need them reading it or responding, just knowing someone was 'there' made it easier for me to write, just makes it easier to shut up and write or get the words to come).

So I figure might as well try and make it a two-fer: for five bucks people can get access to stuff that might not be finished yet (or even ever) but still could be interesting or enjoyable to them, but also can read along as I work on stuff that I'm actively trying to update, even if I still end up with more to go in that chapter or fic and thus its not ready to update yet by the end of a writing session

3) $10 tier: Exact same thing as the $5 tier, which is also included with this one, but this one also gives access to the separate forum I’ve opened up for my various original projects I'm working on or at least started/got a sizable dent into even if they ended up discarded (at least for now). Again, this one is primarily for people who want to support me in general, free up time from constantly stressing about being able to afford food and meds and wasting so much time looking for more freelance opportunities or work - which basically doubles the amount of time I spend ‘working’ every day without anything to show for most of it. This allows for more writing time in general, but at least comes with something to show for it, and like, I figure anyone who genuinely thinks 'hey I think this guy can write/would buy his book' could find something to interest them in here, especially since it also includes the same 'read-along' option for my literal WIPs when I’m doing a writing session on one of them.

4) $15 tier: Both previous tiers are included, but with this tier people also get the option of picking a story from any of the fandom or original projects I have up on my server, and making it the focus of one of my writing sessions that month. They can do it either as a prompt "hey would like if you dedicated one of your writing sessions to working on this particular project this month, whenever that happens to be" or if they want, they can try and coordinate a time for that writing session, as in I’d go "these are the hours I typically do my writing these days, pick when you'd like to see me work on this story," either cuz they'd like to read along, or its earlier in the month, or like, they have that day off and thus its a good day for re-reading that project or maybe getting an update on it, etc.

Typically, my writing sessions tend to be at least an hour, anywhere up to around six hours, so this tier guarantees that at least one hour of writing time that month would be focused on a particular project. But as much as I hop around between projects in general, I don't switch between projects in the same single writing session, so practically speaking, it would likely be more than just a single hour, and could even result in an entire chapter update on chaptered works. I just know I can guarantee the hour, whereas I can’t guarantee 'oh this will for sure be a five hour writing session' and thus I went somewhat higher than like, a wage for an hour's work, but not like, super high? As I figure its more likely to land somewhere in the middle, length of time-wise. But also, depending on how this actually goes this first month, I might end up adjusting my approach to this tier or the price level, etc.

5) $25 tier: This one includes all the same access and rewards provided by the lesser tiers as well, but with the additional reward that in addition to getting to set the agenda for one writing session that month, you get to also set that same project or a different one as a 'boosted priority' for the month. What this means is - in the interests of maximizing the gains of having people thwart my indecisiveness over what to work on, lol - whatever you pick here will go on a shortlist of projects that are my go-to's for the month, any time I have a writing session I don't already have a prompt for, or a personal desire to focus on a certain project.

Basically, its a way of creating my short list of 'To Turn To In Case of Indecisiveness' any time I am being stalled by indecisiveness, rather than other external issues, and any 'prompted' writing sessions are already scheduled or used up. So this one comes with caveats....I want to make it clear that 'how much' people get out of this one is NOT something i can guarantee, as it'll depend on how many writing sessions I can squeeze in that month overall, whether or not I have a particular project that's on the brain enough that I'm going to it regularly, just based on my own choice/momentum, stuff like that.

But the plus side of this one is if the $15 tier is of interest to people, and its worth it to get to be able to ask for several hours' worth of productivity/output on a particular story of mine.....this tier potentially replicates that same thing multiple times throughout a month and can lead to a lot of progress on a certain single story. So potentially, way more bang for your buck. It is more of a crapshoot, but worst case scenario, you're still likely to get at least two writing sessions geared towards a story you're interested in, for less than double the cost of your patronage of one writing session...but best case scenario, in a month where I don't have a ton of other pressing projects demanding my attention, this could keep me engaged with your project of choice regularly throughout the month, with the increased output to show for it.

Either way, people are still likely to end up with way more output of their choice/liking due to this than they ever would have if I were just sitting in front of my computer playing 'how much time can I waste doing nothing productive while claiming its just cuz I need to Make The Right Choice of what project to be productive on.'

All that said:

I'm focusing just on time rather than length/word count at the moment just because mentally its a lot easier/less stressful for me to think 'oh I know for sure I can make sure they receive the time I guaranteed I'd focus/devote to this in exchange for their patronage' because its a lot easier for me to just show up and start writing than it is for me to look at a set length of fic I need to complete within a certain timeframe - as the latter is a lot more likely to suck me into one of my weird spirals where completion becomes the enemy of productivity.

Anyway.

I think that’s everything, thank you as always for hearing me out and your consideration even if you don’t end up giving this a whirl. No expectations here, I have no idea how well or not it might work out, but its something new to try because previous approaches just aren’t working but I’m not throwing in the towel, just.....reconfiguring for a new run at achieving some long-term stability and productivity. This at least is a lot more geared towards navigating around my particular issues with my ADHD and executive dysfunction and finding a way to hack them even when I’m not on meds. So, let this experiment begin I guess? LOL. The end.

My links:

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US

https://ko-fi.com/kalenp

And again, if you want to go ahead and give one of these tiers a try via a donation, you can hit me up directly for a discord invite, or if you prefer more anonymity/distance, you can just wait for the patreon with a more automated/streamlined process. You can also upgrade to a different tier later of course, and let me know if you have specific questions.

Thank you again!

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